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tiriansjewel · 3 years

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find it here on Spotify!

lyric explanations below the cut! (click images for better quality)

1. The 1 by Taylor Swift

“But it would've been fun

If you would've been the one”

As we start the playlist, Luke and Alex are taking a wistful look back on their relationship in the 90s now that they’ve moved on to other people.

2. Coming Clean by Green Day

“Seventeen and strung out on confusion

Trapped inside a roll of disillusion

I found out what it takes to be a man

Now mom and dad will never understand”

Back in the 90s, both Luke and Alex are coming to terms with their sexualities.

3. Smells Like Teen Spirit

“With the lights out, it's less dangerous

Here we are now, entertain us”

Sunset Curve were working towards popularity right at the height of the grunge scene, and I would assume that both Luke and Alex heard quite a bit of this song as teenagers.

4. Now or Never by Sunset Curve

“Keep dreaming like we'll live forever

But live it like it's now or never”

How could I not include Sunset Curve’s own song? They like living in the moment, and that includes their love lives.

5. Everlong by the Foo Fighters

“And I wonder

If everything could ever feel this real forever

If anything could ever be this good again

The only thing I'll ever ask of you

You've got to promise not to stop when I say when”

When you go through adolescence, you crave intimacy with other people. This song exemplifies what Luke and Alex want from each other- to be able to feel, and to be able to experience those feelings on a deeper level.

6. Ocean Size by Jane’s Addiction

“Wish I was ocean size

They cannot move you, man

No one tries

No one pulls you

Out from your hole

Like a tooth aching a jawbone”

Jane’s Addiction was another LA rock band of this time period, and these lyrics about wanting to be powerful like the ocean and having to leave your home really remind me of Luke.

7. All Apologies by Nirvana

“What else should I be?

All apologies

What else should I say?

Everyone is gay”

This song is Kurt Cobain ironically apologizing for his cynical attitude, including the line “everyone is gay” to mock homophobes. It reminds me of Alex- he doesn’t want to be “married and buried”; he is rebelling against his parents’ definition of a correct lifestyle.

8. Freaking Out The Neighborhood by Max DeMarco

“And I know it's no fun

When your first son

Gets up to no good

Starts freaking out the neighborhood”

Emily Patterson and Alex’s mom were probably both pretty appalled by their sons effectively joining the counterculture. At this point, both Luke and Alex are starting to express themselves more, comfortable in who they are and what they want.

9. Hangout With You by Diners

“All I want

Is to talk with you now

And I know that you've got time

You are constantly on my mind

Yes I know that you've got time

To hang out with me

Tonight”

Luke has begun to realize that he likes Alex, and in true Luke fashion, can’t stop thinking about it.

10. Affection by Between Friends

“I'm laying on the floor

We're drinking 'cause we're bored

Oh, I'm looking for affection in all the wrong places

And we'll keep falling on each other to fill the empty spaces”

One night, it all comes out- their feelings and desires- and they decide to begin some kind of friends with benefits type of situation. This song feels like it’s from Luke’s perspective to me.

11. gold rush by Taylor Swift

“What must it be like

To grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominos

I see me padding 'cross your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

At dinner parties

I call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town

We wandered 'round had never

Seen a love as pure as it

And then it fades into the gray of my day old tea

'Cause you know it could never be”

Luke is a magnetic person, attracting everyone, and Alex finds him beautiful. He is in awe of him, but he’s also scared about having feelings he doesn’t know how to handle. This song kind of shows Alex’s internal monologue.

12. Can We Kiss Forever? by Kina

“I tried to reach you, I can't hide

How strong's the feeling when we dive

I crossed the ocean of my mind

My wounds are healing with the salt

All my senses intensified

Whenever you and I, we dive”

This song describes their first kiss, obscured from the world, in my mind. Plus, there’s ocean metaphors. You can’t go wrong with that.

13. 18 by Anarbor

“So if you wanna piss off your parents

Date me to scare them

Show them you're all grown up

If long hair and tattoos are what attract you

Baby, then you're in luck

And I know it's just a phase

You're not in love with me

You wanna piss off your parents, baby

That's alright with me”

Luke knows Alex isn’t in love with him, but they both want to try new things. Bonus points for this song having references to frayed parent-child relationships.

14. Boys Will Be Boys by Miles McKenna

“That graduation day, it never came for you and me

Couple drop-out kids, a shotgun wedding's all we need

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

A couple packs a day, pierced nose and tattoos on our legs

No strangers to pretend, we've always been too proud to beg

Sorry, Mom, Sorry, Dad

Better luck next time

Boys will be boys”

This song referencing a “couple of drop out kids” just going with the flow made me think of how Sunset Curve probably never would have finished high school.

15. Just Like You by Three Days Grace

“You thought you were there to guide me, you were only in my way

You're wrong if you think that I'll be just like you

I could be mean

I could be angry

You know I could be just like you.”

Both Luke and Alex have tons of resentment for their parents, obviously.

16. Sunstroke by Less Than Jake

“We've all been living proof

That time won't wait or choose

We know it ticks on without me and you

And I can't have both sides

Letting go or holding tight

I'm burning bright tonight”

This song about being stubborn and time not waiting really reminded me of Luke, plus the foreshadowing of them becoming ghosts and adapting to a whole new world.

17. Saint Bernard by Lincoln

“Saint Calvin told me not to worry about you

But he's got his own things to deal with

There's really just one thing that we have in common

Neither of us will be missed”

This song just made me think about Alex and his Catholic guilt.

18. Bedroom Hymns by Florence and the Machine

“This is a good a place to fall as any

We'll build our altar here

Make me your Maria

I'm already on my knees

You had Jesus on your breath

And I caught Him in mine

Sweating out confessions

The undone and the divine

This is his body, this is his love

Such selfish prayers and I can't get enough, oh”

Part 2 of Alex and his Catholic guilt. Their relationship has become more carnal, and this song maybe gives a little of Alex’s perspective into that time.

19. Church by Fall Out Boy

“And if death is the last appointment

Then we're all just sitting in the waiting room

I am just a human trying to avoid my certain doom

If you were church, yeah

I'd get on my knees”

Here ends the trilogy of songs with religious references. This song is heady and sensual and also includes some nice foreshadowing of their deaths.

20. Bros by Wolf Alice

“Shake your hair, have some fun

Forget our mothers and past lovers, forget everyone

Oh, I'm so lucky, you are my best friend

Oh, there's no one, there's no one who knows me like you do

Are your lights still on?

I'll keep you safe

If you keep me strong”

Here’s another song from Luke’s perspective- talking about forgetting mothers, being best friends, and keeping Alex safe, as long as Alex keeps him strong.

21. Slip Away by Perfume Genius

“Don't look back, I want to break free

If you'll never see 'em coming You'll never have to hide

Take my hand, take my everything

If we only got a moment

Give it to me now

They'll never break the shape we take

Baby, let all them voices slip away”

Alex struggles with losing his family over his sexuality, and Luke helps him through it.

22. Make Out In My Car by Sufjan Stevens

“I'm not trying to

Go to bed with you

I just wanna make out in my car

And though I'm dying to

Fall in love with you

I just wanna make out in my car”

Another great song about just wanting to exist with someone, about wanting touch and feel and create. They don’t want to fall in love, they just want to be.

23. I Exist I Exist I Exist by Flatsound

“I remember the way you shook

Its a shame that we're not soul mates

Because if i didn't know better

I'd say this feels pretty good

How could i be scared?

When i stretch and feel that you're there

So shut your mouth

Because these words will speak themselves

I can feel them in these blankets

And they're surrounding your figure

Embraced in the quilts

And i cant help but think

You're my missing puzzle piece”

This song is so beautiful- with references to helping a partner through anxiety, and being just like ones mother... a lot of this dynamic in my mind is Luke and Alex reminding each other that they exist, that life is wide and bright, that they’re alive. This gives a window into Luke’s inner feelings as well.

24. Come on, Mess Me Up by Cub Sport

“I found comfort, I fell in love with avoiding problems

But I want this, you know I want this

So come on, mess me up

And you can break me, if you'll still take me

Ruin me, if you'll let me be one of the ones you say you won't forget”

At some point, they become more reckless about their feelings, a little less level headed about their arrangement. Intimacy is an escape.

25. Please Never Fall In Love Again by Ollie MN

“This is what it's like to be lovers

You and me need never be lonely again

Spin with me endlessly or at least until the end

Please never fall in love again”

As usually happens with these arrangements, feelings are caught. Luke and Alex consider making things more serious.

26. Can I Call You Tonight? by Dayglow

“Batteries drain, I get the memo

I think that I might have to let you go

So can I call you tonight?

I'm trying to make up my mind

Just how I feel

Could you tell me what's real?”

The end of their relationship is near, and Alex is unsure. You can decide if this takes place before or after they die.

27. Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

“I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love with you”

Eventually these relationships all start to feel like games, don’t they?

28. Perfect by The Smashing Pumpkins

“So far I still know who you are

But now I wonder who I was

Angel, you know it's not the end

We'll always be good friends”

Another song about the end of a relationship, and finding yourself again. There’s a bit of resentment there, but they are learning to be friends again.

29. Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

“Maybe I'll burn a little brighter tonight

Let the fire breathe me back to life

Baby you were my picket fence

I miss missing you, now and then”

They’ve gotten over each other and become friends again, but are still nostalgic for the past. Bonus points for references about coming back to life.

30. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) by Green Day

“For what it's worth

It was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable

But in the end it's right

I hope you had the time of your life”

Ah yes, the song everyone uses to commemorate bittersweet ends- it’s the perfect clincher for this playlist.

I hope you all enjoy listening!

#julie and the phantoms #lalex #jatp #luke patterson #alex mercer #jatp playlist #luke/alex #playlist #my edit

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supercasey · 5 years

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What your RvB OTP says about you

((I saw a similar list, but it didn't include a lot of my favorite ships and also I thought this would be fun. Sorry if any of this offends anyone: it’s all in good fun and just some observations I’ve noticed over the years about certain shippers. Let me know if I missed any other big ones!))

FUCK I FORGOT SISTER AND DR GREY

Tuckington: Chorus crew is best crew. Wash and Tucker are your all-time favorites and you're so proud of how far Tucker has come. You probably hate/love Felix, there is no in-between.

Mainewash: You like to suffer; you have an addiction to fics that involve one of these two dying. You live for the Meta and Antagonist!Wash team-up. You probably ship Doc with them if you’re into polyam. Cat person.

Yorkalina: You adore York to the moon and back, and are honestly a sucker for “goofy person meets strict person and teaches them to have fun” pairings. You have a replica of York’s lighter that you’ve never used.

Grimmons: You deserve a Fandom Grandma/Grandpa mug, buddy. You’re so tired, and you’ve probably been here since at least season 6. One day it’ll be canon, you just know it. In the meantime, you’re suffering.

Churboose: My mom ships this so here we are. Caboose is the most perfect of good bois and you’re only watching rvb for him at this point. You’ve cried over Church every day of your life. You named a pet Freckles, probably.

Washlina: You are the most chill/sweet person in the entire goddamn fandom. Seriously, you’re so nice. You don’t care either way if it ends up canon, but the latest content is still very satisfying. You’re so kind, I love you.

Sargington: You’re having the time of your life and I’m so happy for you. Sarge is probably your favorite character, but Wash is a close second. You’re chill about other ships but this is the guilty fav; don’t feel guilty, you’re amazing.

Docnut: Precious cinnamon roll who is too good for this world, too pure. Doc when he’s doing the O’Malley voice is way too hot for you. You probably have written/daydreamed about these two having a farm together.

Pastrytrain: Congratulations for being a good person. The pinnacle of “I’m staying in my fucking lane” when it comes to fandom drama. I know you downloaded the Pastrytrain dating sim, don’t try to deny it.

Kimbalina: Never mind, you guys are the actual diehards for the Chorus trilogy. Carolina is your queen and she deserves the love that Kimball can bring into her life. That hand-holding scene is now your desktop background. Probably wlw.

Tucknut: Trans with an amazing sense of humor. You swear a lot and make more dirty jokes than you should, but people love that about you. Donut is your favorite but Tucker is funnier.

Churnut: Donut is your favorite. You hate that Church is dead and pray every single day that he’ll come back somehow. The Donut arc this season had you fucking THRIVING and I’m so happy for you.

Norkington: You’re either gay or trans or both, and that’s the tea. You’re still obsessed with the PFL seasons, despite how long it’s been. Your favorite version of Wash is the PFL rookie version.

Nork: Yeah, you’re gay, sis.

Flowarge: Where are y’all??? I know I’m not the only one. You want a sitcom of rvb that’s just Parks and Recreation but with power armor. Sarge is best dad and Flowers is your other, more dead dad.

Flyoming: You literally don’t need any canon evidence to ship something; if they breathe they’re in love. Florida is your fav, and tbh Wyoming isn’t even in the top ten, but you’re too into older men to care. Daddy issues.

WashCT: People claim you’re boring but tbh you have really good taste, everyone else just isn’t interested. Knives are one of your favorite things but odds are you don’t know how to throw them. You really miss CT.

SouthCT: The wlw energy is literally so powerful in your bones, congratulations. Team #SouthDidNothingWrong, as well as Team #CTDeservedBetter; you are correct on both accounts. South is best girl.

Southlina: Not sure where y’all are at, but you’re all about that powerful lesbian energy. You probably hate York; if not I’m sorry for saying that. On that note you probably hate the PFL seasons but you’re too desperate for content to complain.

Fucker: You little shit. You are 100% involved in fandom drama but you’re thriving regardless; it’s impossible for you to be affected by everyone telling you that you’re problematic. Tucker is your favorite, but Felix is hot af.

Locington: You say “Unfortunate” way too often but I love you nonetheless. You spent the entire hiatus between seasons 11 and 12 writing porn, and you damn well know. Hell, you’re probably proud of it. Locus is your fav.

Murdersandwich: Are you still here??? If you are, you’re braver than any us marine. Modern AUs where these three get together are your bread and butter. Tuckington is your second favorite ship.

Murdersandwich+Sharkface: You unapologetic, horny motherfucker. You’re living your best life while simultaneously sobbing into your pillow every night over Felix and Sharkface. Locington is your default fav, but this ship still rocks.

Lolix: Fandom veterans from the “Felix is problematic” wars and I salute you for your service. Here to have a good time, and ain’t nobody gonna stop you. You’ve probably written/thought about a “Felix lives” AU at extreme length.

Sharklina: Season 13 was so good in your opinion and you refuse to ever shut up about it. #SharkfaceDeservedBetter. You’re probably into punk aesthetics and you’ve made at least one playlist for these two.

Chex: #ChurchGetsPegged. Tex is your diehard fav and you will never in your life let RT forget that she exists. You’ll drag her out of her grave yourself if you fucking have to. You memorized Church’s speech from the end of rvb5.

Chucker: You cry each and every day about Church being dead. You’ve rewatched the BGC no less than twelve times, and that’s just this year. Everytime you see That Post, you reblog it. You know the one.

Sheipez: If Sheila were real you’d ask her to adopt you. Lopez is your current fav by default and you live for every moment he’s on screen. Caboose is your precious son and you’re willing to die for him.

Sex: You ship this purely because of the ship name. STFU, yes you fucking do. Tex is hot af and you love that one fancomic of sister without a bra on flirting with Tex.

Sucker: Despite popular opinion, you're not as horny as everyone thinks you are. Sister is your favorite and Tucker isn't even close but you love him regardless and think he fits well with Sister.

Suckington: I know you bastards are still here. Wash is your favorite but you love him being surrounded by these energetic shitheads who fill his life with energy and fun. Sister is best girl.

Greyington: I know for a fucking fact that this was a thing. Fucking sadist when it comes to your brand of porn, and Dr. Grey is your favorite character to ever exist.

Kimbones: You knew fuck all about Ladybones but you shipped her with Kimball anyways because you're a thirsty wlw. You've probably moved onto Kimbalina by now, but we will not forget the season 11-12 horniness you unleashed on this fandom.

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gh0stbird · 4 years

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Okay Now Do The Rest

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Bright but argumentative. I was never afraid of pointing out things I didn’t feel were fair hfhddh

When we were learning numbers kids would often write 91 for nineteen, just flip them, y’know, and Ms. Potter yelled at the class for it. Baby Generiq went into it about how it was an understandable mix up because you do say the number first. In twenty-three you write the two first, so in nineteen it’s easy to assume you would write the nine first.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Tired.

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows. Every book adaptation should also be a series not a movie. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Honeysuckle and sunshine

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Floor hockey! My friend and I used to be brutal and swing at each other’s shins going after the ball. Also it was reminiscent of golf, which I competed in.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I have an untitled playlist I cycle my current music in and out of, but Newton’s Third Law is my favorite named one!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

I don’t- I guess the yellow smarties. Don’t come for me they taste like lemonade.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

I assume this means assigned book and not the reports we got to pick for ourselves. Ah, Night was good. Lord of the Flies was fine but way overhyped. Again, don’t come for me.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

If I can tuck my legs into the chair I am sitting in that is ideal!

18. ideal weather?

When you know it is going to rain and you get to stay home

19. sleeping position? (Skipped on accident)

I reeeally like pressure, so either against something or on my stomach.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Phone notes and a notebook! Sometimes a blank document but I always find it strangely intimidating

21. obsession from childhood?

Warrior Cats, Percy Jackson, and Maximum Ride were my big three!

22. role model?

Aa I try to straw from people I want to copy, but there are talents I look up to. Rachel Chavkin is a brilliant director, and there are so many artists and authors I look up to and who inspire me.

24. favorite crystal?

Obsidian because it’s black like my hea- I’m kidding, I do love obsidian, but it’s Rose Quartz because it’s a very very pretty, soft pink and makes me happy.

25. first song you remember hearing?

The mobile above my crib played Imagine by John Lennon. My childhood room was themed after it as well!

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Swim or sit in the sunshine. Ben and I usually go driving with the top down as well.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Walking through fresh snow is amazing, so are snowball fights and building snowmen.

28. five songs to describe you?

Oh fuck yes

Hurricane - Hamilton

The Reckless and the Brave - All Time Low

Almost There - The Princess and the Frog

All This and Heaven Too - Florence + the Machine

Facade - Jekyll and Hyde: A Gothic Musical Thriller

30. places that you find sacred?

I don’t typically find places sacred, but certain headspaces are very special to me, and time spent with loved ones means more than enough to be considered sacred.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A black blazer with a white button-down and a skirt.

32. top five favorite vines?

I am in Missouri (misery)

I love you, Bitch

I want a Church girl

Obama’s “I know because I won both of them”

I won’t hesitate, Bitch!

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“No worries”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

That fucking PFI bandana boot sale I stg

35. average time you fall asleep?

Somewhere between 9:00 and three in the morning

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Some girl doing bunny ears on her friend. I don’t remember what the caption was

38. lemonade or tea?

Both. Mixed together. It’s called an Arnold Palmer and it is my favorite drink

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cake!

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

We duck taped out principal to the wall once. Also some kid broke their tray over another kid’s head at lunch one time.

41. last person you texted?

The family group chat, though Beau if Discord counts

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I wear a lot of leggings so jacket pockets!

44. favorite scent for soap?

We had some Lily of the Valley hand soap that was amazing

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy, I think! I’ve never done super heavy into the other two. Though I definitely don’t want to ignore sci-fi because two of my favorite stories are a little science-fiction-y

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

A t-shirt and shorts

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

A banana. Generally accepted as a fruit and kind of just rolls with it, but is actually a berry

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

I fucking hate Hamilton-ing on main, but

“And when my prayers to god were met with indifference, I picked up a pen, I wrote my own deliverance!”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

That changes every time Beau and I play HetaOni together, but I have fucking lost it for at least five minutes the last two sessions.

51. current stresses?

I dunno, man, life? My hair could use a wash

52. favorite font?

Covered by your Grace and I’m a big Spectral baby. These are both google docs! I don’t know if that makes a difference.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Patience is important when teaching material, but never be afraid to find another approach better suited to the person you’re tutoring.

55. favorite fairy tale?

Robin Hood!

56. favorite tradition?

My family does homemade Springfield cashew chicken for Christmas!

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Uhh lots of self-acceptance shit no one really wants to read

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I can pop the joint at the center of my foot

That’s all

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

I sort of like my role as mom friend, so maybe I could keep that role in a sort of action-based anime that followed a group of friends

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“I am not the protégé to waste your time on; I'm complete!” Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

62. seven characters you relate to?

Haha

Lisa Carew - Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

Japan - Hetalia/Oni

Garnett - Steven Universe

Hfhddh that’s all I can say that aren’t my own characters

63. five songs that would play in your club?

I Don’t Like Clubs, but

Overwhelmed - Royal + The Serpent

Backseat Serenade - All Time Low

Go Big or Go Home - American Authors

The Nights - Avicii

Tempo - Lizzo

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Webkinz!

65. any permanent scars?

Yep - One from a bad bike wreck. My body rejected the dissolvable stitches so it’s a lot bigger than it was supposed to be

66. favorite flower(s)?

Lily of the Valley, daisies, Day Lilies, and Dandelions! I also love honeysuckles but I don’t know if those count.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Accidentally drank rancid milk once!

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? (Haha, nice)

The fastest, free way to fill up your potions on Wizard101 is to play Potion Motion to level three.

70. left or right handed?

Right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

On myself, animal print

72. worst subject?

I’ve never been intuitively good at History, I do think it’s interesting though.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I don’t like to take it until I can’t move without it.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

Kindergarten? I had mono and then scarlet fever twice, so my baby teeth were pretty much ruined and they all fell out very fast.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Curly fries!

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Kalanchoe’s, it literally Window’s Thrill. These babies are fairly temperamental outside and love partial sun, so the window is the perfect spot for them. And! If you keep them happy! They’ll bloom! My personal favorite is the pink bloom.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

What’s wrong with coffee from a gas station? Also I don’t like seafood.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth tones!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Lightning bugs

82. pc or console?

PC!

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts - talk radios actually tend to get under my skin for n o reason

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, but let it be known I was brutal with mine. We did human sacrifices and the like.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies, but I’m a slut for whipped frosting

87. your greatest fear?

Losing control!

88. your greatest wish?

A life beyond where I am now. Haha Stop chasing new down the hallway you’re so sexy haha

90. luckiest mistake?

Logged into Omegle in like 2015 and some rando asked me to join their Doctor Who roleplay. Luckiest moment of my gd life.

91. boxes or bags?

Bags! They’re easier to store

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight! But in the late afternoon when everything is bathed in orange.

93. nicknames?

Mom is the most prevalent!

94. favorite season?

Fall into winter. Peak leaf crunch!

95. favorite app on your phone?

Discord or Notes

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darling-dontforgetme · 4 years

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the whole list

I’m sorry that I took so long, and I’m so boring, but here you go!

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Coffee mugs

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Eww, no to both.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

My mom worked at my elementary school, so I was very much a teacher’s pet.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Plastic cups

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Pastel or boho

7. earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

I really want to say tv shows, but I’m awful at finishing them. I still need to watch the last few episodes of Apocalypse. Don’t at me.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Is it weird if I say my cats? It’s weird, I know. They all have different smells, and it’s comforting to be around them when I’m stressed or upset.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Nothing, literally nothing. I was that kid who always had their nose in a book, so you can imagine how awkward I was in p.e.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

A peanut butter and jelly sandwich or pancakes

12. name of your favorite playlist?

The only playlist I listen to is my own. I listen to a lot of country, some musicals, and a handful of older songs.

13. lanyard or key ring?

Lanyard

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Gummy bears

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

The Handmaid’s Tale

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Why sit when you can lay down? I usually sit with my legs crossed.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

My work pair of tennis shoes

18. ideal weather?

WINTER. All the cold.

19. sleeping position?

On my stomach

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Laptop

21. obsession from childhood?

Books. I read so many books as a kid.

22. role model?

I don’t know. My therapist is pretty cool. Sarah Paulson maybe?

23. strange habits?

I eat soup with a fork. I have to put on my right sock and shoe before I can put on the left. I eat pop tarts upside down.

24. favorite crystal?

I don’t know. Rhodochrosites and amethysts are pretty.

25. first song you remember hearing?

Queen of the Silver Dollar

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Stay inside, lol. I play a lot of animal crossing, try to write sometimes. Read.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Also, stay inside- still playing animal crossing and writing or reading.

28. five songs to describe you?

I honestly have no idea.

29. best way to bond with you?

Just hang out and talk with me. I like to stay home, or go on simple dates. I love, love, love aquariums.

30. places that you find sacred?

Churches, cemeteries

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

I’m not very confident in myself, so I tend to stick with t-shirts and shorts or leggings.

32. top five favorite vines?

I do not watch vine.

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Sorry or what’s for dinner

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

Those lawyer commercials that come on all of the time

35. average time you fall asleep?

Between 11:30 and 2:30

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Probably something with SpongeBob

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Duffel bag

38. lemonade or tea?

Tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Hear me out, what about no lemon?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

These kids started a metal band, and our administrators thought the student body loved it, so they got to perform a lot.

41. last person you texted?

@grilledcheeseandguavajelly

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Pants pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap?

Some sort of berry

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Shorts and a t-shirt (wasn’t kidding when I said I only wear shorts and a t-shirt)

47. favorite type of cheese?

American

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

@grilledcheeseandguavajelly says "something unique but sweet but with a lot of depth to it, so like a kiwi or a honeydew or a prickly pear.”

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

Do no harm, but take no shit

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Probably something my sister has said or done

51. current stresses?

So much. I lost my job recently, and there's just a lot going on in my life right now.

52. favorite font?

Can I pick people’s handwriting as my favorite font? I know it’s dumb.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Well, I should use more lotion

54. what did you learn from your first job?

That the whole world is going to expect you to know things without you actually ever being taught those things

55. favorite fairy tale?

The Little Mermaid?

56. favorite tradition?

Getting cake for birthdays because I love cake

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Me, myself, and I

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Writing, caring for others. I don’t know.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

Don’t fuck up

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

I don’t really have any anime knowledge

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“You want to tell her that there are between two hundred and four hundred billion stars in the Milky Way, but when you look up, you could only ever see, like, twenty five hundred of them. You are one of the ones that no one can see. She is one of the ones that’s even visible in the city.”

-The Moment by T.C. Anderson

Guys, this is my favorite book. I highly recommend checking it out.

62. seven characters you relate to?

Alice Macray, Maura Isles, Temperance Brennan, Regina Mills, Callie Torres, Olivia Benson, Rachel Stevens

63. five songs that would play in your club?

She’s a Rainbow, Free To Be You and Me, Defying Gravity, Goodbye Earl, Queen of the Silver Dollar. My club would not be very cool.

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Webkinz

65. any permanent scars?

I cut the side of my thumb off with a pair of scissors once.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Zinnias, Passion flowers, sunflowers

67. good luck charms?

I don’t know that I have any?

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

GRAPE

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

I am so bad at thinking up answers on the spot. I’m sorry I suck at this.

70. left or right handed?

Right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

Any sort of animal pattern

72. worst subject?

Science

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Peanut butter and chocolate on ritz crackers

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

Depends on the type of pain. Headaches- I usually take it pretty soon, but for other things, I tend to wait.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I would assume kindergarten or first grade?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

fries

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Flowers

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Neither

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

I no longer have a school ID, but that definitely looked better

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Fireflies sounds so much better, but I say lightning bugs

82. pc or console?

Console

83. writing or drawing?

Writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Fairy tales

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

I’m going to be single and alone for my entire life

88. your greatest wish?

To fall in love

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My sister

90. luckiest mistake?

I don’t know

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Fairy lights

93. nicknames?

Kat, Kate, Backpack

94. favorite season?

Winter

95. favorite app on your phone?

Tumblr

96. desktop background?

It’s a sunflower drawing

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

Maybe 15-20?

98. favorite historical era?

I don’t know

#asks #anon

3 notes · View notes

heff88 · 7 years

Text

20 albums and 1 EP: my 2017 in music.

Hello all and welcome to my favourite records of 2017!

2017 has been quite a year for many reasons and musically is no different, as this has been one of the strongest years for new music in some time (which may or may not have to do with the current president in the white house and for one of these at least, Brexit). It has been a particularly great year for female voices in music - just under half the acts here are, or include, women or at least are female fronted, with Björk surely to join them - and I'm not sure there has been a time where women have been so well promoted. It is a stupid thing to have to say of course, but it is at least encouraging that change is happening in a positive way. It is also encouraging given the latter half of the year socio-politically has largely been concerned with how much assault and sexism women have to put up with in a very public but important manner (although again, this doesn't seem to be deterring the president, yet anyway.)

This year, I have chosen 20 (and 1 EP because I like to cheat) albums to feature, something I don't think I've been able to do before. This probably has much to do with this being my first full year as a (semi)-professional journalist, something I feel I really marked properly this time last year when I was sent to Prague to interview The Lumineers, which was a fairly mad-yet-incredible experience. However, it's not like I wasn't paying attention before, and I have made a playlist including 50 different records from 2017 I have enjoyed in some capacity and a more concise one for this list.

Since that Lumineers interview, I've had the opportunity to cover from great events and records in 2017, as well as meet a whole load of very welcoming and great people to whom I must say thanks (especially as today is Thanksgiving). To Derek of Drowned in Sound, Tallah from The Skinny, Caitlin from Uproxx and many others, thank you for your continued support and friendship, I couldn't have done it without any of you. In 2017 I got to:

Cover the BBC6 Music Festival in Glasgow, which was a really rather special weekend in my spiritual home. Interview some really excellent people, including: Jeremy Bolm, Touche Amore Angus Andrew, Liars Barry Burns, Mogwai Alex Cameron And finally, Joe Casey of Protomartyr (twice) which was by far the most difficult one, but ended up being pretty great.

I also got to keep travelling in the name of music journalism (what a trip!) by covering Mikkeller and The National's inaugural HAVEN Festival in Copenhagen (a city long overdue a visit - I loved it!) and got to see Iggy Pop be the absolute boss-man, and drink SO. MUCH. GREAT. BEER.

And even more crazily, I got sent out to CALGARY, ALBERTA CANADA to cover Sled Island. There I got to see the likes of Low, Mono and Waxahatchee play in a church, Converge play in a weird British Union Vets centre, Wolves in the Throne Room and Daughters in a dive bar and I got to see The Rolling Stones' mobile studio (which my parents visited just before I was born.) It was an amazing week I will never forget, full of incredible music and new friends, and while I didn't find Bret Hart I did get to tour the city's rather amazing beer scene, which I'm still in disbelief about, to be honest.

I also got to see and have many special live experiences this year less further afield, such as The XX's triumphant show outside SWG3, Glasgow, getting to see City of Caterpillar (!) after all these years in Berlin, Julien Baker play one of my all-time favourite songs, St. Vincent transcend mere mortal status, Mogwai play in a famous Berlin gay club for TV and Thee Oh Sees play in a tiny, cramped basement this summer.

And finally, I RELEASED MY OWN ACTUAL, PHYSICAL ALBUM THIS YEAR!!! It was tough and stressful at times, but I am immensely proud of it and owe so much to my boys Kenni and Joe Campbell who make up FRAUEN, as well as the people around us who supported it, including Lewis Glass, Gary Taylor, Kyle Wood, Sean Campbell, Louise Grace Kenny (& Owen) my wonderful partner Ann-Christin Heinrich, and everyone who put on shows and came out to see us in our favourite haunts of Glasgow, Manchester, London, Brighton, Leeds and Newcastle (to name a few!) put us up for the night, drove us, bought a record, said a nice thing and generally were awesome.

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So, onto the list. As a result of my year, I've decided to order this in release order rather than ranking, although I will point out the top five. A quick glance at this suggests that September was an absolutely ridiculous month (it was) and no I didn't forget LCD Soundsystem, whereas I have nothing in May (Do Make Say Think and Slowdive were... fine but nothing special.) I am currently catching up on stuff I missed as I am writing this, so to Julie Byrne, Aldous Harding, Kelly Lee Owens, SZA, Big Thief, Idles, Sampha, Jlin, Jay Som, Lorde, Vince Staples and as mentioned, Björk you could all find yourself making up your own list in a month's time.

A glaring but now expected omission is Science Fiction by Brand New, which up until a couple weeks ago I ranked as one of my top three records of the year. While of course, everyone should be wary of what we read online, Jesse Lacey's frankly embarrassing and vague response to the matter has, quite likely, put a disastrous end to a previously remarkable and canonised career which was setting itself up for a glorious and perfect ending in 2018. Now, it's very difficult to separate the art from the idea that this is an unsavoury at best, psychopathic at worst, white male who took advantage of his status and the surrounding scene towards young girls and called it a "sex addiction" which is highly troubling. Even his movements towards a "perfect end" to the band now feels slightly chilling, and at the time of writing, it seems as though he will (rightfully) not be rewarded with that. What a horrible turn of events for an artist and a band who have meant so much to so many people for well over a decade, the one band many have kept with them since their adolescence only for it all to go up in flames in an instant. The one (pyrrhic) positive from all this is that the continued conversation is finally giving victims a voice, and that is the most important matter which should never be forgotten.

OK, that unpleasantness behind us, let's get on with the list:

Priests - Nothing Feels Natural (January) *4th

So, just to completely undermine my ordering here, I slept massively on this band and album until the summer, almost six months after release. Thankfully, I caught them just in time to see them play live in Hamburg this June shortly after moving to Germany (oh yeah that happened too, what a year eh?) after seeing they were playing that week at the legendary Hafenklang venue. I checked out 'Jj' and was immediately bowled over, something a completely new artist to me hadn't done for some time. There's a moment in that song, a couple minutes in, where the sensation of "lifting off" occurs both in the music and listening experience, it is a thrill, to say the least. The rest of the album thankfully stood up just as highly (especially it's title track) and I admonished myself for not checking out this band clearly designed for my exact tastes. Live they were a force of nature, each member bringing something exciting, while collectively they reminded me of a tougher version of ESG's "dance-punk". So while I may have missed the boat initially, this record has quietly grown and grown in my estimation, to one of the year's standouts, and will be excited to see what they do next.

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Thundercat - Drunk (February) *2nd

The absolute boy does it again. Anyone who knows me knows Thundercat is one of my all-time boys, he'd be in my wrestling stable without a shadow of a doubt. I've been largely obsessed with Stephen Bruner since his fantastic turn on Flying Lotus's Cosmogramma and he has just got better ever since. For the first half of the year, Drunk was comfortably my favourite album of the record, knowing it would take something special to knock it off its perch (it did, but we'll come to that later). This is, paradoxically, both his most cohesive and chaotic album yet, detailing the wide range of emotions a drunk night on the tiles can elicit while also being his most confident statement musically yet. On top of that, Kendrick Lamar returns the favour for that 2016 Grammy win Bruner played a part in winning for To Pimp a Butterfly, the legendary Kenny Loggins and Michael McDonald show up on the lead single, and in the album's clear highlight, Bruner completes his Tron suite with an ode to his cat of the same name.

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Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - The French Press (March) - EP of the year, for whatever that's worth.

Australian music, from Melbourne especially, is in a pretty impressive state right now. Along with the above, Alex Cameron, Royal Headache, Julia Jacklin, King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard and Total Control (to name a few) have in recent years created a formidable scene down under, making them a globally recognised force to be reckoned with in the music world. Despite the slightly annoying name, Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever hit the BBC Radio 6 Playlists around March (though sadly not the Glasgow Music festival at the time) and with the song 'The French Press' turned many heads. The song gave 'Cause = Time' (a song somehow nearly 15 years old already) by Broken Social Scene a most welcome reboot while maintaining their own charming style. One would be forgiven for thinking this EP of the same name is just a vehicle for that one single, but no, to those who went out in search for more were rewarded with an excellent six tracks from top to bottom. This was only their second release after last year's Talk Tight so it will be very exciting to see what their first full-length LP brings us, hopefully, next year sometime.

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Kendrick Lamar - DAMN. (April)

What can I say, it's Kendrick. Like Priests, I took a strangely long time to get round to DAMN. and not even really for any particular reason other than... just listening to other stuff and quietly knowing this would be great when I did finally come around to it. Though DAMN. for me doesn't quite meet the insanely high mark of Lamar's previous two albums, it's still a very, very strong album from one of the best artists of the generation. While this may have the bombast of Good Kid or the sheer scale of Butterfly DAMN. still shows Lamar's incredible skill as a storyteller, dropping the listener into a fully realised world, largely because it's his reality. On top of this, he manages to write a song featuring U2 and it not be the worst thing ever! Outside of that, however, James Blake gets to return on his sparse roots on 'ELEMENT.' ahead of their co-headline tour next year, which singles 'HUMBLE.' and 'DNA.' prove Lamar's chops as an artist able to step back from his bigger concepts and make his point in three-minute bursts.

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Timber Timbre - Sincerely, Future Pollution (April)

One of the most perennially underrated bands out, Canadian creepers Timber Timbre had one of the most quietly solid records of the year with Sincerely, Future Pollution. I've never been sure why they haven't quite caught the wider imagination as some of their peers, such as Grizzly Bear for instance, who sonically have had a very similar trajectory from lo-fi "freak-folk" to a more electronic indebted sound. Whatever it is, in a year where everyone and their dog were (understandably) wanting to comment on the state of things in a post-Trump/Brexit world, Timber Timbre took a more subtle approach (a word that perfectly describes the band overall) as they brought up 80's, Reagan-era sleaze into a modern context, with a healthy dose of Lynchian nightmarish images and structures. Through 9 feverish trips to the classical image of the decaying (in this case, swamp-ridden) city, we see the toxic nature of contemporary Western society poisoning everyone who embraces it, all soundtrack to lounge-jazz samples. It is perhaps the darkest, most sinister record of the year, a prevailing sense of creepiness and uneasiness permeates every beat, every noise, every line of frontman Taylor Kirk's deadpan delivery in a completely different way to say, Alex Cameron's multi-coloured coke-ridden characters. As the album's alluring cover suggests, this is all your favourite black-and-white 70s paranoia films come to life.

Listen: Sewer Blues

Hey Colossus - The Guillotine (June)

Speaking of underrated, how the hell did everyone sleep on Hey Colossus this year? Perhaps they overshot themselves on their epic 2015 double albums In Black & Gold/Radio Static High, but this for me was the best British album of the year and one of the only to really address the mess the UK has got itself into. While the sludge/psyche rock act may not be quite as chaotic or as heavy as some of their earlier output, this is easily their sharpest to date, pinpointing the rage, anger, frustrating, sorrow and even humour in the current idea of being an "Englishman". This is a loose concept album, based on very similar themes and sounds as Timber Timbre's (albeit heavier) which skewers the current public conscious, but also provides genuinely breath-taking moments on songs like 'Calenture Boy'.

Englishman

Fleet Foxes - Crack-Up (June)

Robin Pecknold's triumphant return to music and to Fleet Foxes has been one of the major stories of the year, though he received mixed responses for it. In preparation for this album, Fleet Foxes' third and first in 6 years, Pecknold debuted a few of these songs, solo, supporting Joanna Newsom last year. At the time it was just good to know he was still writing songs, but the sheer ambition and kaleidoscopic scope of Crack-Up is incredible, for a band largely known for kicking off the folk resurgence in earnest. This record is rather like an intense, feverish, psychedelic vision in which Pecknold leads our hand, a singular voice in the void, while the music moves from madness to calm and back again across 11 beautifully composed tracks. The first time opener 'All That I Need' kicks in, it takes the listener completely off-guard, washing them away in the oceans and the incoming storm on the album's artwork sleeve, and the only hope is to try to ride it out and hope you survive. It is a genuinely impressive return to form, one I'm not sure many people thought Pecknold and Co still had in them.

Fool’s Errand

Sheer Mag - Need to Feel Your Love (July)

It's not often where a band, especially as politically fierce as Sheer Mag are, just consistently put a smile on your face and make you raise a fist and shout "YES!" But that's the Philadelphia punk-via-70s-radio-rock band do in spades. They manage to elicit a feeling in their music of so-called "simpler times" while simultaneously bludgeoning you in the face with the bullshit attitudes that were just as much of a problem in the 70s as they are today (in fact, an era partly responsible for them). Led by perhaps one of the best frontpeople in music today, Tina Halliday and guitarist co-writer Matt Palmer, Sheer Mag are the quintessential punk band in everything but their sound, one which the original punks would have openly mocked at the time. The irony, of course, is that those original "punk" acts, The Ramones, Sex Pistols, Clash etc. took largely from 70s glam-rock, they just sped up the songs and make the themes and lyrics angrier. Sheer Mag in many ways remind me of Fucked Up, another punk-band obsessed with 70s revivalism. Both bands understand with loving care and passion that to create truly great punk music, one has to look outside the obvious influences, while keeping an ear open for a catchy hook to couple with prescient themes on oppression, race, sexism, homophobia, police brutality which still plague us today. We need acts like Sheer Mag in these troubling times to remind us, there is another way.

Suffer Me

Waxahatchee - Out in the Storm (July)

Processing a rough break-up is one of music's classic tropes (hell I did it on that album I put out this year - I promise to shut up about that now) but if the recent re-evaluation of the early-to-mid Emo/Pop-Punk scene has taught us anything, it's that even these so-called "sensitive" boys can be just as much of the patriarchal problem as more aggressively "macho" acts out there (and in some instances, actually worse). This is a round-about way of saying, traditionally, we rarely get to hear the female side of the story, and if we do, it is often met with patronising audiences of "poor little girl" syndrome. So what a breath of fresh air it has been to see Katie Crutchfield's Waxahatchee project break free of the shackles of a somewhat suffocating relationship that involved both her romantic and music life and create an album that deconstructs relationships and toxic masculinity in such brilliant fashion. Over the course of these 10 songs, Crutchfield proudly wears her battle-scars and reflects upon where she was and where she is now on Out in the Storm. I saw Crutchfield twice this year, first in the aforementioned church in Calgary, solo, essentially introducing this album to a new audience, and then later, all-female live band featuring her sister Alison (who also supported and is an excellent talent in her own right) and British guitarist Katie Harkin (Sky Larkin, Sleater-Kinney) who really helped make this album shine. Every song here is a stunner, but in 'Sliver' we have one of the best songs of the year, an anthem of defiance that neatly sums up this great, great album.

Silver

Grizzly Bear - Painted Ruins (August) *5th

One of the big narratives of music in 2017 was the "comeback" of mid-to-late 2000s indie-rock having a resurgence. Along with the aforementioned Fleet Foxes, we also had return records from The National, Wolf Parade, LCD Soundsystem and Liars, for instance, most of whom will show up later in this list (because I'm a nostalgic mark apparently). Grizzly Bear have been one of the most consistent acts in that world and with their 5th album Painted Ruins only continued to prove that. While I'm not sure they'll ever top my personal favourite, Yellow House, in fairness, the band made a statement that they were moving away from the more lo-fi, freak-folk and more towards chamber pop on Veckatimest. Grizzly Bear remain an amazing and consistently surprising act who reveal themselves with every listen, a tactic they've still not lost in over a decade. They can do a big pop song 'Mourning Sound' and the more subtle 'Neighbors' but they still after all this time have the ability to pull the rug from underneath you 'Three Rings', 'Four Cypresses'. While this certainly was a great year for "indie" music (whatever that really means) but Grizzly Bear remain the torchbearers.

Neighbors

Liars - TFCF (August)

I'll admit it, this album may have eluded me if I hadn't been commissioned to interview Angus Andrew this summer. I've never been a huge fan of Liars, but I've always liked their style and ambition to always try something new with every record, even if with varying results. But man, I am glad I had that experience with Andrew, because TFCF, striking artwork and all, is a mini-career benchmark for him. Liars is now just a solo act, after Andrew's partner in crime Aaron Hemphill suddenly departed from the band when recording sessions for TFCF began initially in Los Angeles. Andrew's world was turned upside down by this revelation, so his reaction was to move back to his native Australia, and become a hermit in the bush in New South Wales, outside of Sydney. The result is an album where Andrew fully immerses himself in his surroundings, using field recordings of the natural world he is currently living in as the background sound for him to write songs over. It's an intriguing experience, especially as I don't believe Liars' music have ever really been described as "emotional" before leading TFCF to sound almost like The Moon & Antartica-era Modest Mouse in places. This isn't the only characteristic though, as Andrew jumps around from genre to genre, all unified by this... buzzing of the bush that sits underneath it all. While not quite Andrew's peak of records like Drum's Not Dead or the self-titled album, this is a small renaissance in his career, and it will be interesting to see where he goes next.

Cred Woes

Mogwai - Every Country's Sun (September)

Yeah, it's another Mogwai album, which at this stage feels like a warm cup of tea and a hug, but there's no denying they keep on keeping on. In recent years Mogwai have slowed down their studio album production, favouring soundtrack work for TV and Film in recent years - such as last year's Atomic and Before the Flood, but they remain a solid act and for my money the greatest Scottish and further, British, act outside of Radiohead. Every Country's Sun is a mere reminder of the band's consistent greatness in a year where similar acts Godspeed You! Black Emperor and Do Make Say Think also had strong entries. While there are some familiar tropes on Mogwai's latest, their 9th studio album, they did add one of their poppiest songs ever 'Party in the Dark' and a more subtle use of the Carpenter-esque electronics that characterised Rave Tapes on tracks like 'aka47'. The best is indeed saved for last, however, as the album's excellent title track that closes the album is perhaps one of the band's most epic yet, one I wouldn't be surprised if featured at Celtic or Scotland games in the future.

Party in the Dark

Alex Cameron - Forced Witness (September)

Well, this one came from left-field. Again, like Liars, I may well have missed this one had I not been sent to interview him, and even then, my enjoyment wasn't assured given Cameron's retroactive sound and questionable lyrical content. However, when it quickly became apparent that Cameron is playing a role lampooning the toxic masculinity his characters exude which is seemingly openly everywhere in 2017. While some fans were disappointed Cameron moved away from his singular, lo-fi sound of his debut Jumping the Shark, his move towards 80s sleaze-pop, like Timber Timbre, is an excellent vehicle in which his rather pathetic characters exist. It's an intriguing idea, as rarely do musicians or artists "play the loser", something that only tends to exist in the world of acting. In many ways, Cameron is a performance artist, although in seeing him live (in his semi-hometown Berlin where he recorded the album) he unmasks and speaks about his songs candidly. Whatever it is, Forced Witness is an excellent album full of excellent, catchy ditties, especially his duet with Angel Olsen, who plays her own interesting role in the background of this album, that explore some fairly dark themes with a sense of humour and irony that stay, just about, on the convincing side.

Stranger’s Kiss (duet with Angel Olsen)

The National - Sleep Well Beast (September)

Another year, another solid National album. The National will, it seems, always have a spot on my list, though Sleep Well Beast didn't crack the top 10 when I was voting in my respective publications. Sleep Well Beast, The National's seventh studio album, sees the band try and mix things up with the seemingly inevitable turn towards electronic music that basically every guitar-based band eventually dabble in. The results are mostly successful, though in many ways this isn't as much of a departure as first suggested, remaining very much a National album. The one disappointment, in fact, is that it _doesn't_ go further in it's "electronica" as tracks like 'Guilty Party' prove there are some legs there, but towards the end, they become a bit over-reliant on pretty much one style which gets a little trying. In fact, Sleep Well Beast is probably their most piano-based record as opposed to guitars or electronica, which leads to beautiful opener 'Nobody Else Will Be There'. Meanwhile, the band step back into their older territory on tracks like 'Day I Die' and the somewhat unfairly maligned 'Turtleneck'. It's nowhere near the band's best, but The National are like a familiar friend you can not see for years and dip in with and catch up like no time has passed and will always be welcome to visit. (Fun fact, Ann and I were present for the shooting of the ‘I’ll Still Destroy You’ video as it was at their HAVEN festival, however sadly we didn’t get in!)

I’ll Still Destroy You

Chelsea Wolfe - Hiss Spun (September)

Chelsea Wolfe has slowly been getting better and darker throughout her career. Personally, I'm a little surprised Hiss Spun hasn't featured on more end of year lists, as it is a star turn from the still young LA-based goth, aided massively with Kurt Ballou's MASSIVE production and guitar chops from Queens of the Stone Age's Troy van Leeuwen. Perhaps its because she's fully embraced her "metal-side" that critics have been a little allergic to it, I'm sure there would have been a few raised eyebrows at Aaron Turner (ISIS/Old Man Gloom)'s roar at the end of the excellent 'Vex'. Either way, this is an album from an artist clearly in the ascendancy, and may well prove to be a stepping stone to a masterpiece in the future. Of all the artists currently out there, she's certainly got the most potential for it.

16 Psyche

Wolves in the Throne Room - Thrive Woven (September)

Continuing on with Metal, here is by far the heaviest entry on this list (though Converge, of course, run them close) from Olympia, Washington's Wolves in the Throne Room. I had the pleasure of getting to see the American Black Metal legends (I think we're good to give them that title now) this summer in Calgary and it was an overwhelming experience. To those who don't know, it may seem at odds to describe extreme, heavy metal as "beautiful" but that is Black Metal. Its atmosphere achieves a sensation that is transcendent when done right and WITTR are masters of it. From the second 'Born in the Serpent's Eye' begins, the listener is immediately fully submerged. From there on, this is yet another masterpiece in the band's already exemplary canon and it is good to have them back to winning ways after the disappointing left-turn 'Celestial'.

Born from the Serpent’s Eye

Protomartyr - Relatives in Descent (September) *1st place

Head and shoulders above, this is the best album of the year. Protomartyr have been quietly getting better and better with every record, and almost achieved a perfect record in 2015's The Agent Intellect, a record that has aged incredibly well since its slightly underrated release. Now, there's no avoiding it, the band's first album for Domino records is seeing a much bigger audience for the Detroit post-punk band who next year could well see themselves at the higher end of many festival slots. Simply put, Protomartyr are the most exciting punk act in the world right now. No one is doing anything as interesting, exciting, challenging as Protomartyr, their heavy, philosophical themes mixed with their highly original sounds. Just listen to the opener 'A Private Understanding' and see. Who else would dare open an album and a lead single with one of the weirdest drum-beats every committed, an off-key guitar line, frontman Joe Casey delivering the line "Not by my own hand/Automatic writing by phantom limb/Not with my own voice/Pleurisy made to stand on two legs". While Casey is pretty humble and coy about his band's success and journalists (myself included) who wanted to impose mad theories about "BUT WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?" when really the answer is "truth is a slippery thing, just listen to it." Sage advice indeed, when the music is this good.

A Private Understanding

Wolf Parade - Cry, Cry, Cry (October)

Wolf Parade's triumphant return last year with an EP and Tour was one of the highlights of 2016. Their show at the Scala was one of the best of the year, a renewed vigour that was clearly waning by the end of the previous run was back and they looked fresh and happy to be here. It is perhaps no surprise then that they were able to translate that to the follow-up LP, 'Cry, Cry, Cry' (which came out on my birthday this year). Yes, it's a cleaner more polished sound, but goddamn they can still write a song. In 'You're Dreaming' and 'Valley Boy' we have great pop songs from Dan Boeckner and Spencer Krug respectively, but it's when the album goes BIG that it really shines, on such epics as 'Flies on the Sun', 'Baby Blue' and 'Weaponized'. Of course, 'Cry, Cry, Cry' isn't close to their incredible debut, but that's an impossible standard to meet, so the band don't even try it, instead streamlining their later sound into something more confident and coherent (see: 'Am I an Alien Here') and it's a very welcome to have them back.

You’re Dreaming

St. Vincent - MASSEDUCTION (October)

A bit like Alex Cameron's Forced Witness, MASSEDUCTION is very much a response to celebrity and paparazzi. Though Cameron doesn't really sing about that (it doesn't really fit with the character) the title and artwork certainly do allude to it, while one of the major themes of MASSEDUCTION is on this. Annie Clark had a very public break up with Cara Delevingne which also takes up much of the record, but you can't really pin this album on any one particular event or theme, other than Clark's re-evaluation and sexual freedom. MASSEDUCTION is an experience worth seeing live, which made the album work for me, which I was initially a little tentative about. I saw glowing reviews but didn't quite match them up to the music. Then, seeing Clark "live" (which has caused much controversy), everything made sense. After a first half set where she ran through her greatest hits in release date order, the second half saw her perform the album in full and it really was a performance. Then everything clicked, in what could be Clark's best record to date, which is an already very high benchmark to clear.

New York

Fever Ray - Plunge (October)

Speaking of sexual liberation, (what a segue!) a couple weeks after St. Vincent's album, Karin Dreijer Andersson, better known as Fever Ray, surprised fans with a new album which plays on similar themes to Clark's. While Dreijer's not quite in the public eye the way Clark has become, she instead crafts an album about sexual politics which is dangerous-yet-endearing and seems particularly pertinent in this current spate of highly public reportage of sexual assault incidents currently ongoing. As ever, Dreijer proves why she is such a force of nature in composing these tracks, which are challenging and danceable, poppy and angry etc. with 'To the Moon and Back' she has a defining statement, a manifesto and a rallying cry, carrying on the theme's from The Knife's possible final record Shaking the Habitual perfectly.

To the Moon and Back

Golden Teacher - No Luscious Life (November)

One of Glasgow's best bands, Golden Teacher's debut full length has been waited on for some time. Really, this sextet are best experienced live, as every show immediately becomes a party. It can be difficult sometimes for highly-energised acts to capture that on record, but thankfully Golden Teacher manage it with the help of Emily McLaren & Stuart Evans at Green Door Studios. Golden Teacher are for me the quintessential Glasgow band. They exist in a liminal zone that links the city's art-punk scene with the world-famous electronic scene, hence their inclusion on the legendary Optimo's label. The record mix funk, world and electronic music with a punk energy and are an absolute thrill to experience, it would be impossible to not put this record and not feel the groove.

Spiriton

Converge - The Dusk In Us (November) *3rd Place

And finally, rounding out this excellent year are one of my all-time favourite bands, Converge. While I don't really listen to much heavy music these days, Converge are the exception to the rule in many ways. They exist in their own space within music that is fiercely inventive and original. I recently had an argument with a few people about what genre to classify Converge as and simply put, it's an impossible and unnecessary task. Converge simply don't fit into any easy genre classification, they are just Converge. What is a surprise was that, though Converge have never really had a dip in quality, the fact they have been able to produce such a career highlight this late into their salad days is nothing short of remarkable but also typically them? The Dusk in Us is an incredible achievement by all involved. It is perhaps Ballou's best production job to date, Newton and Koller's most controlled performance and, crucially, Jacob Bannon's most assured vocals to date. It seems ridiculous that the 25-year-old band keep finding ways to better themselves, but here we are. Kudos to you Converge for remaining such an inspirational figure not just in the heavier genres, but music as a whole.

A Single Tear

Thank you for reading! Have a happy new year and great festive season.

#Best of 2017 #music #albums #Converge #priests #thundercat #protomartyr #Grizzly bear

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mandelsmusic · 7 years

Text

Playlist & Analysis

I have created a playlist consisting of ten songs for a journey to Mars. There is a link at the bottom to listen to this playlist but this is my in-depth analysis of each of the ten.

My first song on the playlist Space Oddity by David Bowie. This song not only fits the theme of our cosmic journey but also takes listeners on an individual journey of their own. Space Oddity an influential song which has been used in the media landscape of today and past decades, causing a timeless renown reputation. The production on this song features fascinating panning effects, which make the listening experience “out of this world”.

Following Space Oddity, I have chosen My Way by Frank Sinatra. This song is notably bold in its lyrics and speaks to me in a very meaningful way. In this song, Sinatra takes a retrospective look at his life, recognizing his regrets and losses, not everything he did was right, but through it all, he did it his way, and he was proud of that. This is a true song to the legacy Frank Sinatra left on the music industry because following his death no one could quite do it “his way”. Recently, my good friend’s mother passed away after fighting a courageous battle against cancer. The thing that stuck with me after her untimely death was that as she passed, her last wish was to hear My Way. For the length of time that I knew her, she had always had cancer, but lived such a bold and exciting life that you forgot she even had it. Through it all, I truly believe she lived this song to Sinatra’s intentions. In the face of great sickness, she lived her life her way, and that is something I will always remember.

Next in the queue is Tiny Dancer by Elton John, a classic anthem that I believe will never grow old. Growing up in Los Angeles, this song always spoke to me. I thought it was the vague mention of “LA Lady”, or the fact that my mom always played it in her car, I couldn’t figure out why I loved this song so much. Earlier this year, Elton John released a music video 45 years after the release of Tiny Dancer. The music video depicted individuals living very different LA lifestyles, but all singing along to Tiny Dancer as they crossed paths. The music video captured the beauty of both LA culture and the song itself, and most importantly it captured what the song meant to me. No matter who you are, where you are, or what you are doing, this song has the power to unify a set of complete strangers because everyone knows the lyrics. While it isn’t Rocket Man, I believe my fellow astronauts and I could benefit from blasting this one together.

Next up is If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out by Cat Stevens. When I was younger, my father used to drive me to my soccer games, and we listened to an eclectic set of tunes, ranging from Garth Brooks to Weird Al Yankovic. If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out stuck to me as a track I particularly enjoyed my Father’s unique playlist. But the significance and beauty of this song is the lyrics. I always found that my Father emphasized these lyrics in his parenting, allowing me to “sing out” and do whatever I put my mind to. Both he and my Mom have always been there to support and encourage me throughout every step of my life. I need this song as a reminder that I have the loving support of my parents wherever I travel.

Taking a break from the classics, my next song choice is from my favorite rock and roll artist, Jack White. Jack White is behind so many influential songs and bands and to choose just one song to represent his repertoire is a challenging task. I have chosen one of my favorites, You’ve Got Her In Your Pocket from The White Stripes early album, Elephant. Jack White has always fascinated me as an artist because of his distinct branding. For each band he is in, as well as his solo career, there is a different color scheme and a new persona presented which allows the listener to understand Jack in a different aspect each time. The White Stripes had a color scheme of red, white, and black and played bold inspirational ballads. Jack White’s current solo career has a color scheme of blue and black, representing the change in his style of music to somber rock songs centering around the challenges of love. It is very important for music to be both seen and heard. White’s attention to design and branding adds a vibrant concept to his artistry and shows his anthology of sound through brands he has crafted over the years. I love and respect Jack White as an artist greatly and cannot live without at least one of his songs.

Another musician who I draw inspiration from is John Bonham, the drummer for Led Zepplin; he was truly was the backbone of the band and created a unique sound from jazz but applied it to a rock aspect, thus changing the possibilities for rock as it had not been seen before. The band captured this interesting drum beat by using the Glyn Johns recording method which had not been seen before but after, was widely used by most bands because they loved the amazing quality and simplicity of the technique, consisting of 4 microphones. But the band was able to work so well because Bonham was able to get in sync with the guitar player; typically, the drummer gets in sync with the bass player to get the best rhythmic feel but Bonham got in sync with the guitar player and if you listen to Fool in the Rain, you can see the tightness between the guitar and drums as they change constantly through the phrases. Within Fool in the Rain, the drumbeat is absolutely insane! Bonham plays a steady polyrhythmic 4/4 beat, meaning that he is playing two beats simultaneously; the first beat is executed through the triplet high hats which are accented by opening and closing them and adding ghost notes on snare in between; yet Bonham adds a twist by doing a swung half-time shuffle with his bass and snare drum which is difficult on its own. Although the beat is challenging on its own, he adds more difficulty by play with the piano and guitar which are a 12/8 time signature which adds a syncopated triplet feel to the song that anyone can groove to. To me, Bonham is what made Zepplin great and in totality, it was his drumming within this song that truly allows an audience to groove to.

The next song chosen has a lot of sentimental value as a musician; Nights & Weekends by Cold War Kids was the first song that I ever recorded. It was the song that motivated me to expand my skills and learn about production. I began by listening to every individual instrument track and was amazed by the production quality, with the smooth transition from electronic type drums to an ambient acoustic sound that comes in strong for the chorus. I was truly inspired by the album as a whole because it was a different direction that Cold War Kids portrayed; originally being a band that produced songs focusing on the problems of and containing an instrumentation of a rock band, Cold War Kids tried a different approach, adding electronic samples on top of the live drums into the piano and guitar heavy tracks. I was motivated to make my rendition of this song because I loved the vibe of the entirety of the album but this song in specific stuck out because of the catchy chorus and interesting transition from electronic to acoustic drums. I also really love the organ and feel that it should be used as a staple for their sound. My initial recording was very poor in quality being that it was my first recording ever and I was using a single microphone for everything, yet I recently redid it to show how I have evolved as an artist and I find that there is still room for improvement, though it is decent.

Transitioning from this, I Sumatran Tiger by Portugal. the man which is also known as the endangered song. Interestingly enough, there were no digital copies of this song but instead 400 copies of the hard copy record were produced and eventually the record, made out of polycarbonate material, would stop playing and become extinct. The message clear, if we do not do anything, then the species will go extinct. Portugal. the man created this song with the intent of the song becoming extinct unless reproduced. But this exclusivity tactic is very fascinating and has been practiced by many artists such as Jay Z and Beyoncé, ultimately it doesn’t work because eventually it will go to other streaming services but this concept of extinction unless shared within the community is like no other. Not only is this a genius tactic to promote the preventing from extinction but it is also an amazing song. Sadly, it will be overlooked by their one hit wonder Feel it Still but the endangered song will forever hold a place in my heart being that it is a masterful medley of instrumentation, high pitched male vocals, and a message like no other.

Directly after this, I have chosen Alright by Talk. Talk is a band I was honored to become apart of during my time at the Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music at NYU this past summer. I chose to put this song on my playlist as a reminder that you can accomplish great things if you work hard. As a band, we wanted to create a song that encapsulated all of our diverse musical talents. I am very proud of our band’s hard work on this track. My primary role was as a drummer, but we all worked hard on co-producing, branding, and managing to create a cohesive end product, that sounds pretty good. But taking leadership for this band, we produced a book that is like no other, which gives the consumer a visual representation to enjoy as they listen to the song.

To close out the playlist, I have selected Do You Realize?? by The Flaming Lips. I honestly love everything about this song form the beautiful instrumentation to the incredibly powerful and realistic lyrics. The Flaming Lips adds tasteful elements to transform the track to a galactic melody by using robot generated noise, crazy synth sounds, and random church bells. Wayne Coin, the lead singer of the Flaming Lips, inspires me as an artist through his authenticity and creativity. This is one song I cannot live without.

Check out the playlist on youtube!

Rock On,

Justin Mandel

Follow me on Instagram @mandelsmusic

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salfordelim · 4 years

Link

I hope you are keeping your spirits up, in spite of the change in weather.

This week’s songs relate to Acts chapter 5 v 12-42, a short passage filled with signs and wonders, fear of violence, challenge to authority, weighing up arguments and fighting against God! Like most of the book of Acts, it’s action-packed!

‘Power of your name’ by Lincoln Brewster

At this point in the story of the early church, this is the second time the apostles have been told not to preach and teach in the name of Jesus. The first time they were given a stern warning. This time they were imprisoned and then beaten. The stakes were being gradually raised. However, nothing could stop Peter and the gang speaking and acting in Jesus’ name because they knew it to be the only name that really changed things; the greatest power on earth – it still is.

And I will live to carry Your compassion To love a world that’s broken To be Your hands and feet And I will give with the life that I’ve been given And go beyond religion to see the world be changed By the power of Your name The power of Your name

Jesus Your name is a shelter for the hurting And Your name is a refuge for the weak Only Your name can redeem the undeserving Jesus Your name holds everything I need

‘Another in the fire’ by Hillsong

Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonour for the name.

Acts 5 v 41

I find this verse baffling and extremely challenging. They had just been imprisoned and beaten and they left rejoicing? Really?!

Most of us struggle to rejoice on good days, let alone days like this!

Perhaps, it’s only those who face extreme persecution who discover this level of God’s joy. Perhaps it’s as we see the powers of darkness tremble and kicking out in the hope of discouraging believers that we know we are making a difference. Maybe that’s when we find ourselves rejoicing in battles because we know Jesus is there with us.

There is no other name but the Name that is Jesus He who was and still is and will be through it all So come what may in the space between All the things unseen and this reckoning I know I will never be alone

There’ll be another in the fire standing next to me There’ll be another in the waters holding back the seas And should I ever need reminding How good You’ve been to me I’ll count the joy come every battle ‘Cause I know that’s where You’ll be

I’ll count the joy come every battle ‘Cause I know that’s where You’ll be

‘Come to us’ by Stuart Townend

It’s one of Stuart’s lesser known songs but it seems appropriate, not only as we think about how the early church continued to advance, despite persecution, but also as we seem to be living in a time of great expectation for change in society all over the world; a longing for something more than we accepted as the norm in our pre-covid-19 world.

For us believers, it’s not just wishful thinking or a call for action but it should lead us to pray for the Holy Spirit to come in power as he did in those post-pentecost days.

Though people mock the church and curse the One who made them, Your kingdom is advancing every day; Like living stones we’re being built into a temple, We’ve seen the glory and we cannot turn away.

Is this the summer that will see a mighty harvest? A sense of expectation fills the air; Though sin abounds, Your love is streaming to the nations, Let mercy triumph over judgement everywhere.

Come to the politician, come to the refugee, Come to the victim of respectable society; Come to the mighty fallen, come to the poor oppressed; We don’t care how You come, As long as You come to them.

‘Devils and Dust’ by Bruce Springsteen

You’ve got to wonder why the temple authorities felt so threatened by this new Jewish movement and how their hearts had become so hard that they couldn’t see God in it, despite the miraculous healings that were taking place all over Jerusalem. It’s easy to vilify them as power-hungry and proud religious folks but it’s also easy for us to become like them!

No matter how long you’ve been a Christian, you can feel threatened by others, perhaps new believers, believers from a different tradition (or even non-believers who are actually talking more sense than you are!), and find yourself staunchly defending your own position, without really considering the alternative. As Gamaliel wisely says, you might even find yourself ‘opposing God’ himself (and that’s not a good place to be!).

This Springsteen song explores the idea that we all have the capacity for both righteous, Godly living and for evil; acting in self-protection mode with ‘God on our side’ (in our own minds at least) and our ‘finger on the trigger’, ready to shoot someone else down. If only we were a little more like Gamaliel; slow to speak and quick to listen….

We’ve got God on our side, We’re just trying to survive What if what you do to survive kills the things you love Fear’s a powerful thing, baby It’ll turn your heart black you can trust It’ll take your God filled soul Fill it with devils and dust It’ll take your God filled soul Fill it with devils and dust

Now every woman and every man They wanna take a righteous stand Find the love that God wills And the faith that He commands I’ve got my finger on the trigger And tonight faith just ain’t enough When I look inside my heart There’s just devils and dust

‘Living for your mission’ by Ian Peacock

This Time Tomorrow by Ian Peacock

The first followers of Jesus really were a motley crew weren’t they? Fishermen, tax collectors, tradesmen, doctors, women, men, widows, rich and poor, young and old alike. What they all had in common though was that they left everything to follow Jesus and, for most, it meant, not only sacrificing their career prospects and time with family, but facing persecution.

Today’s passage shows how for the apostles, life meant living and, for some, dying, for God’s mission. Perhaps that’s why Luke writes ‘none of the rest dared join them’ (Acts 5 v 13). It was extremely costly to follow Jesus. I wonder where you would be in this part of the story? Fearlessly preaching along with the apostles or watching from a distance for fear of persecution? Where are you today? Is your first thought for security or for how you might share the gospel in any way you can, whatever the consequences?

Why God would choose to use us, we’ll never know A motley crew, His truth to share As Christ’s ambassadors we are called to go and make disciples everywhere

Are you living for a mission? Are you living for the mission of God? Will you make a firm decision? Are you living for the mission?

May you continue to live for God’s great gospel mission this week, whatever opposition you may face as a result.

#Salford #Elim #Church

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johnchiarello · 5 years

Text

Corinthians 5-6

Blog- www.corpuschristioutreachministries.blogspot.com

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NOTE- Every so often some of my sites think I am Spam- or a Bot- I am not. My name is John Chiarello and I post original content [all videos and text are by me]. I do share my past posts from my other sites- but it is not spam- Thank you- John.

1ST CORINTHIANS 5:1-7 Okay, now we get into some tough stuff. Paul tells them that he has heard about a situation where one of the brothers is sleeping with his step-mom [fathers wife, though probably not his mother]. And the rebuke is they are not repenting over it, but instead are kind of proud of the whole thing! Paul says to ‘deliver him to satan for the destruction of the flesh so the spirit may be saved’. Now I already showed you the way I view this verse. I tried to follow the other times where Paul speaks this way in this letter and when using this type of language I see him speaking of physical death [chapter 11- sleep-death as judgment to a believer who sins]. I often ‘day dream’ how bout you? I’m not sure if it’s the lord at times trying to tell me stuff. One of my noble fantasies is I can picture myself as the sole Christian preacher who has survived some nuclear holocaust and I am responsible to train the survivors. In this scenario [I am kinda ad libbing here, I don’t day dream this much!] I have both Catholic and Protestant believers. Although I am tempted to raise this new generation of people as Protestants, I instead teach the Catholics true Catholic doctrine [though I don’t fully agree with it all] and I teach the Protestants their stuff. Now, I think this little day dream in some way speaks to what I need to do at times on this blog. I need to honestly tell both sides! In this verse ‘commit to satan for the destruction of the flesh’ some do see it a little differently. You can read ‘flesh’ as meaning ‘fleshly nature’. Paul does use the word this way at times. You can’t really make the distinction by going to the Greek. Instead you have to simply look at the context. So this view would be saying ‘deliver this believer to the enemy, don’t allow him to remain ‘in the camp’ and continue to receive the benefits of the believing community. As you ostracize him he will feel the effect of not being with you, he will come to his senses and leave his sin’ [which in this scenario is ‘his fleshly nature’] so the ‘destruction of the flesh’ in this interpretation would fit in well with Arminians. Now, do I believe it this way? No, but I sure feel noble, sort of like the Protestant preacher in my ‘day dream’. [p.s. if you tell anybody about this day dream, I will deny it!]

(953)Yesterday I managed to catch a few TV shows that were good. National geographic did a special called ‘the first Christians’. It was excellent. They covered more historic truth in one hour than you would get from years of sermons. They basically taught the New Testament word for ‘church’ [Ecclesia] and showed how because the early Christians did not believe the ‘church’ was a building, that therefore they spread rapidly without lots of money. They then covered the historic development of the ‘church building’ and the effect this had on them. They also got into the ‘end times’ scenarios that are played out over and over again by today’s prophecy teachers. They interviewed true theologians who put Johns Revelation in historical context. Just an excellent job overall. I also caught the show ‘Journey Home’ on E.W.T.N. [the Catholic channel]. I do like the show, it often gives good historical stuff. Last night they were a little ‘too Catholic’ [I know, what should I expect]. They had a good brother on who left ‘non-denominational Christianity’ and became Catholic. Now, most of these brothers are very intelligent believers who make this choice out of sincerity. They usually study the early church fathers and realize the ‘Catholic tone’ of these early believers. I simply felt the brother who spoke last night was a little too critical of his former church experience [Willow Creek]. I then caught Scott Hahn [an excellent Catholic scholar and apologist], he always has stuff that interests me. He brought up an argument I have heard before on how the early church saw the ‘real presence of Christ’ as being in the Eucharist. Others have made this argument before from the Catholic perspective of Jesus being with us, as opposed to the detractors arguments that he misled the early followers to think that he would soon return and set up a literal earthly kingdom. I have heard and do understand this reasoning. In essence it defends Jesus and his followers by saying ‘Jesus didn’t let down the early church by not returning and ‘being with them’ he was with them all along thru the Eucharist’ good intentions. I would prefer to argue the same point thru the fulfilling of the Fathers promise and the outpouring of the Spirit at Pentecost. Jesus says in John’s gospel ‘I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you’ it is understood by most theologians [Catholic, Orthodox, and Protestant] that Jesus is speaking of the Holy Spirit. Jesus actually refers to the Spirit as ‘One just like unto myself’. The new testament very Cleary speaks of the Holy Spirit as Gods presence tabernacling among us in a real way. So in my thinking I would prefer to argue the real presence of Christ as being among the early believers as fulfilled thru the Comforter. Overall it was a good night of viewing some good teachers. I also couldn’t help but notice how I have been skipping over the ‘more popular’ preaching shows of the day. I did click on one of the prophecy guys, he was defending ‘the rapture’ and I couldn’t help but notice the difference between the good theological discussions from the earlier shows, and the ‘silliness’ of what this brother was teaching. I don’t want to demean you if you hold to the rapture theory, it was just such an obvious ‘step down’ from the level of theologian to the level of popular prophecy preaching. In our current study of Corinthians we just went thru the verse ‘though you have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you have only one father’ [Paul referring to himself]. I couldn’t help but get this sense of the modern seen. You could flip thru all the religious broadcasting of our day and get every possible conceivable viewpoint on some subject, ten thousand of them! But there is a consistent voice of truth and wisdom that comes to us from both scripture and church history/tradition. I think we would be better off sticking with ‘the father[s]’.

(954)NOW IT’S A PARALLEL/BUBBLE UNIVERSE! I watched the first TV special I ever saw on the multi-verse theory. I think it’s the first one of its kind by the history channel. It was very eye opening. It seems as if its defenders have been told ‘your initial argument is nonsensical’ and they have made some adjustments. As you read down thru the Evolution section you will see that one of the arguments against a multi-verse is that it is a ‘non physical’ argument. It is metaphysical. This meaning that you could never truly prove the existence of another universe thru the science of Physics. Why? Because the original definition of ‘the universe’ was every thing that exists in the time/space continuum. If by definition, all that can be seen or detected is ‘part of our universe’ then how in the world can you detect something outside of it? [they have some ideas on this, but its pure speculation as of right now] Once you detect it, it, by definition is in our universe! Well the brothers now realize that they fell into this obvious contradiction, so they seem to be moving the goal posts a little. In the special I just saw, they now seem to be saying that our universe is simply one ‘bubble of universes’ that’s floating around in space [before, space and the universe were synonymous!] so they seem to be simply shrinking down the definition of universe and making it mean ‘our closed existing time space continuum, which is simply one of many’ Ahh, you guys are cheating with his one! But hey, how many viewers realized this? That’s the problem with these theories, they come up with them for the purpose of having another explanation for existence, but they then get into more trouble trying to keep their theory alive. Remember, the reason this theory started in the first place was to come up with some type of explanation, apart from God, to explain the fine tuning of the Cosmos [read my sections on fine tuning under Evolution]. The unbelievable fine measurements that have been found to be exactly right to support life have no other real explanation apart from a creator. The multi-verse theory simply says ‘well, if you have millions and billions of unseen universes [pure speculation!] then the odds on one of them getting it right just went up’. So this theory was originally floated for this reason. Now, even if this theory were ever proved [according to the new definition of the universe!] it would simply mean that instead of trying to figure out how ‘our universe got here’ [the original question] now we have to figure out how they all got here! It really proves nothing. But I thought it interesting to see how these giants of Academia now realize that they were violating the basic laws of logic by espousing the theory in its original form! [In essence, all these so called floating, bubble like universes would have originally fallen under the heading of ‘the universe’. You wouldn’t have seen them as a bunch of separate universes. But they had to change the definition in order to keep their argument in the boundaries of logic and common sense]. They also borrowed from Einstein’s theory on worm holes. But Einstein surmised that worm holes might be these tunnels in space/time that one could travel thru and exit at another dimension, a different location of the universe. He did not use this idea as traveling from one ‘bubble universe’ into another, like the proponents of the multi-verse were doing. The show then got too silly to even give it a speck of serious thought. They then theorized that there are possible duplicates of us, and duplicates of other sports teams and presidents and all types of stuff. They thought it possible for the Giants to have won the super bowl in one universe, though losing it in ours [and you call this science!] they even said that this theory has moral implications. How did they come up with this? One of them explained that you could be ‘good’ in one universe, but if you realize that this holy altar image of yourself is doing good somewhere else, then this might effect your choice of being righteous in ‘this universe’ WOW! As we continue our study thru the book of Corinthians, keep in mind Paul’s teaching on the foolishness of men’s wisdom, I think we just saw a good example of it. There is this stature that we give in our modern day to any ‘Tom, Dick or Harry’ that comes down the pike with any nonsensical idea. We see them as a special class, the Academics can’t be wrong! After all it sounds intellectual. A few centuries before Christ you had the great philosopher ‘Philo- Betto’ [O wait, that was Clint Eastwood’s character in ‘every which way but lose!’] I mean Plato. Truly Plato and Aristotle and Socrates have had tremendous influence on Western thought. You would be hard pressed to find other later philosophers who have had the same influence [maybe Immanuel Kant]. Plato built this great school of learning in ancient Greece. He bought the land from a man by the name of ‘Academe’. Eventually we would call this pursuit of knowledge ‘the Academic world’ or Academia. Hey, don’t be intimidated by these guys.

(955)1st CORINTHIANS 5:6-8 Okay, lets get back to Corinthians. ‘Your glorying is not good, get rid of the old leaven. Don’t you know that a little yeast can affect the whole lump? Get rid of it, you are all unleavened, Christ is our new Passover Lamb who has been sacrificed for us. Therefore let us keep the feast, not with the old leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth’ [my own paraphrasing]. A few things. I want you to see something here, over the years I have read and studied lots of great theologians. It is common for these brothers to go back to the reality of the early church fathers belief in the ‘Real Presence’ of Christ in the Eucharist [Lords supper]. It is also becoming less common [in theological circles!] to defend the symbolic view of the Lords Supper. I believe Paul is presenting the idea of all believers spiritually sitting at the ‘table of life’ on a daily basis and receiving from Christ’s new life in a spiritual/symbolic way. He clearly says ‘let us keep the feast with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth’ [clearly symbolic!] Peter writes of the new sacrifices of praise and thanksgiving. Jesus speaks in an interesting way about this in John chapter 6. The Jews ask him ‘show us a sign, Moses gave us bread to eat from heaven. If you’re from God then prove it like Moses’. I find it interesting that in the key chapter of Jesus being the bread that comes down from heaven, the conversation turns to Moses. The beginning of the chapter does say the Passover feast was getting close, but the imagery is Moses and Manna. Moses represented the Old system of law and works, John’s gospel tells us that ‘the law came from Moses, but grace and truth from Jesus’. Jesus contrasts himself with Moses. He says ‘I am the real bread that has come down from heaven, if men eat my flesh and drink my blood they will live’. Now we must understand the tremendous offence this statement caused. The Jewish people had Levitical laws [commands in their law] that forbid the drinking of any type of blood, never mind the blood of a person! But yet Jesus would speak this way to them. In the conversation the hearers acknowledge the difficulty of the saying, Jesus will say ‘the flesh profits nothing, it is the Spirit that gives you life. The words I am speaking to you are Spirit and life’. At the last supper [which was the symbolic end of the Passover and the beginning of a new celebratory meal centered on the final sacrifice of Jesus, the Lamb of God] Jesus seems to be saying ‘from now on, as long as you do this, you are showing my death until I come again’ [we get this from Paul later on in Corinthians]. As you put all of this imagery together, you get the sense of the New Covenant being one of an ongoing continual New Covenant meal from which all believers daily eat from and ‘keep the feast with the new leaven of truth and sincerity, not the old leaven of sin and wickedness’. You clearly see a symbolic element in this language. Now, I do not discount the importance of the actual ordinance of the Lords Table. I recently defended the Catholic idea to an ex Catholic who is now Protestant. They said ‘how can people believe something so silly’ I had to say that many serious intellectual believers accept the Real Presence doctrine by faith in the literal reading of Jesus words. Luther himself believed it, he made no bones about it when he slammed his fist on the table in his dispute with Zwingli and said ‘this IS MY BODY!’ [I think he slammed his fist, he might have carved it in the table?] Standing for the literal interpretation of the sacrament. John Wesley, the founder of the great Methodist movement, wrote many hymns speaking of the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. So make no mistake about it, many good believers hold to the literal belief. I just wanted you to see that it is also in keeping with the scripture to see the entire Christian walk as one huge ongoing ‘feast’ that is kept with spiritual sacrifices and symbolic language. Jesus is the bead that came down from heaven, those who would stay with ‘Moses bread’ [law] would die, those who would eat from this new table would live forever.

(957)1ST CORINTHIANS 5:9-13 Now Paul clarifies what he meant when he said ‘don’t associate with those who sin sexually’. He wants to be clear that his instructions on ‘not being with sinners’ is not misunderstood. After all we are called salt and light, Jesus himself was accused of spending too much time with the lost. So Paul says ‘what I meant was don’t keep ongoing fellowship with a brother who is practicing unrepentant sin’. He also says ‘if you thought I meant all sinners in general, then heck you wouldn’t be able to live in society this way’. Some believers have taken a stand on ‘separation from the world’ in such a way that they have no unbelieving friends. Others seem to view the unbeliever as the enemy. Sort of like we are in this culture war and the enemy is YOU! I can’t even watch the O’Reilly factor [Fox news] too long, he says he’s fighting this culture war and then in the ads for upcoming shows he shows the raciest pictures on any news show. What’s up with that? I feel we need to make the distinction between separating from a sinning brother [for his own good] and having friendships with unbelievers. People you can influence down the road. Paul also says if we judge our own [by shunning them for their own good] that this is a type of ‘present chastening’ that believers do experience. But those who are ‘outside the camp’ [unbelievers] are left to be judged by God. We see this same theme in chapter 11 ‘when we are judged we are disciplined by the Lord so we will not be condemned with the world’ [at the final judgment]. I believe that this idea is one of the best arguments for eternal security [once saved, always saved. Though I don’t like this language, you get the hint]. The concept of believers being presently dealt with for sin, even to the possible point of physical death, seems to indicate that they will not face a future judgment like the lost [eternal damnation]. When we recently did one of our Old Testament studies, I overlooked a verse that said to King David ‘I will raise up one of your sons [Solomon/Jesus- dual Messianic prophecy] and he will build this new temple/people. The way I will deal with the people under this new covenant is, if they commit sins, I will chasten them, but I will not utterly take my mercy from them’ [my paraphrasing- it is said to the actual son, Solomon/Jesus, but in the New Covenant revelation of the church actually being part of the Body of Christ, this is how you could apply it]. You can also read this idea in a few other places. I think Jeremiah uses it ‘I will give them a new heart and I will put my Spirit in them’ and he also speaks about not being totally rejected if they commit sin under this new covenant. So the point is, if there is a mechanism under this new covenant whereby sin is dealt with in the present time, and if this is compared to the other choice which is ‘judgment at a later time’. This would seem to indicate a type of ‘in house discipline’ that says ‘if you openly sin now, God will judge you now. He does this for your own good, so you won’t face the judgment of the unbeliever at the end’. So the fact that some were sinning, even pretty badly! Did not mean that they were expelled completely from the benefits of the covenant. As a matter of fact, temporal excommunication itself was one of the benefits! I don’t want to be too dogmatic on this, I just want you to see a repeated theme in scripture that says God will deal with his kids in the here and now [no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous- Hebrews] but this in itself is a blessing that is designed to ‘produce the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them that are exercised thereby’ Hebrews.

(958)1ST CORINTHIANS 6: 1-7 Paul rebukes them for taking each other to court. He tells them ‘don’t you have any wise people among you who could handle this? Why go before unbelievers!’ he also tells them ‘plus, why even fight for your rights, if you think you have been wronged in some way by your brother, then simply see it as part of the cost of carrying your cross’. Paul contradicts the prevalent mindset in much of Christianity today. He doesn’t teach ‘get what’s yours, know your rights!’ he teaches the ethos of self denial, of living with the expectation of giving up your rights and dreams. Of taking loss, if it glorifies the Father. Now we get into some ‘stuff’. Paul appeals to them by saying ‘don’t you realize that we shall judge angels some day, we shall judge the world’. A few years back there was a debate going on in theological circles. Some theologians popularized a new way to look at God’s sovereignty. This new system was called ‘Open Theism’. Scholars like Clark Pinnock and others held out the possibility that God doesn’t foreordain all future events, they actually went further and said ‘he doesn’t know all future events’. Well of course this sparked off a firestorm among the Calvinists. Does scripture teach that God is sovereign and does know all that will happen? To be honest about it, yes. But the idea of open theism was saying ‘because God has chosen to give man free will, he, by his own design, has chosen to limit his knowledge in the area of knowing all of mans future choices’. In essence that God purposely ‘does not know’ the future outcomes of decisions that have not been made by humans. If free will is real [of course the Calvinists say no] then God must limit himself to knowledge in these areas. I personally do not believe this, but I think I needed to share it to explain this section of scripture. Paul does tell them they will judge the world and angels. In second Peter 2, the apostle says the fallen angels are being held for a future day of judgment. In Matthew [19-?] Jesus says those who follow him will play a part in a future ruling over human government. These scriptures do indicate that believers will play a role in future judgment scenarios. So if we ‘judge angels and the world’ we should be able to arbitrate between ourselves! Now, in the world of theology you have sincere questions on ‘is it fair for God to judge people who have never heard the gospel’ or ‘if God is truly sovereign in all things, even in predestinating certain people to salvation, then this is unfair’. Many have turned to universalism, or a belief in ‘no hell’ in order to quell these questions. I want to simply float a scenario to you. Jesus says ‘whosoever sins you remit [forgive] they are forgiven. Those you retain [not forgive] will be retained’ while there are differing views on these verses, I want you to see how these scriptures, in keeping with all that I just showed you, might leave us room for another possible way out of all the so called questions on Gods ‘fairness’. Say if at the judgment, we are all gathered [Calvinists, Arminians, Catholics,…] and say if we are all waiting to see who’s right ‘I’ll show that Arminian…I’ll show that Catholic…’ and we are at the day where the future destinies of millions are at stake. What will God do? It’s possible that much of the final decision will rest in the hands of the church. I know it sounds heretical, but keep in mind all the verses I just quoted to you. Say if all of our pompous pontificating [wow!] amongst varying theories of the atonement and universalism and all the other stuff. Say if Jesus turns to us and says ‘You are now going to make the most important judgment of your lives, you shall judge the world and angels’ and all of a sudden all of our scrutiny of God’s fairness turns on us. We see in the crowd of masses, faces of people who we hate. People who have been demonized by history [Darwin, Hitler]. Those we always wondered about [eastern religions] and now much of their final destiny rides on us. Even the possibility of fallen angels being forgiven! [Hey, maybe Origen was right?] The whole point of this scenario is to simply say we might have been asking the wrong questions all along. Now for sure, no one gets in without Jesus and his blood! But there are also a few other verses [Peter] that seem to indicate a second hearing [or first!] of the gospel before the final day. The point being how willing are you to really carry out something like this? Are you really ready for the great responsibility of having someone’s destiny depend on how forgiving you are? I really don’t believe 100 % in this scenario I just floated. But Jesus does put us in positions of responsibility all thru out our lives. He does say ‘whoever’s sins we don’t forgive, these sins will be held against them by your own choice’ we keep people in ‘chains of bondage’ today! Never mind the future. God has committed to us great responsibility as believers, if we are still fighting each other over insignificant things [taking our brothers to court, if you will] then we are truly not ready to ‘Judge the world’.

(959)1ST CORINTHIANS 6: 8-20 Paul paints a ‘canvas’ of those who will not inherit the Kingdom. The list not only includes the big ones, but also the ‘average Joe’. Homosexuals, covetous, straight people who commit sexual sin; just the whole gambit. I do want to stress that Paul is not politically correct, he does categorize homosexuality as sin. He is not simply saying ‘non monogamous homosexuality’ but all types. I know there is an honest effort being made to try as much as possible to be more inclusive of other people’s views and lifestyles. I am for this approach as much as possible, but we also need to be honest about sin, all sin. Now covetous is that strong desire to amass wealth, it is the daily longing and confessing and believing for more material abundance. Yes folks, it’s what many of us have been duped into thru wrong teaching. I had a homeless friend who used to tell me how his dad, who was retired, used to wake up every day and simply consume his day with the stock market and how his retirement was going, he didn’t realize that he made the funding of his retirement [an okay goal] the main thought pattern of his life. I also just saw a story similar to this on some business channel. We need to be ‘ware’ of covetousness. Now Paul makes special mention of the destructive nature of sexual sin, he says ‘it destroys you’. I have been reading Proverbs the last month or so and there are many warnings about sexual sin. It says ‘he that does this destroys his own soul’. A few years back I watched [or read?] a local story of a professor who came down with a disease called Dementia. As they shared his story they described the progressive nature of him slowly losing his mind, and how his family eventually brought him back home [he was not married, his parents took him in] as they shared the sad story, they kinda tactfully said ‘one of the possible signs of this disease is obsessive compulsive sexual behavior’. They basically were saying part of this mans history included obsessive sexual sin. I wonder if the dementia in some way is a result of the behavior, as opposed to a symptom. There was also a study done years ago that showed the difference in the brain scans of Homosexuals and Heterosexuals, they seemed to have found some real physical brain distinctions. But once again, is it possible that sexually engaging in certain sinful behaviors is actually ‘destroying the soul’, or causing a change in the brain? Paul singled out this sin [not just Homosexual behavior, but all sexual sin!] as causing actual damage to a person’s physical make up in a way that was more damaging than other sins. I think we all need to heed his warning. [note- sexual sin is a common struggle in life. Many believers do struggle and have fallen into this sin. Paul actually is addressing these sins because of the prevalence of the problem. I don’t want to condemn any one who reads this site and struggles this way, Paul is offering hope and forgiveness thru out this letter. He seems to be extra harsh with the Corinthians because of their lax attitude towards this sin].

1Corinthians 5:1 It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife.

1Corinthians 5:2 And ye are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he that hath done this deed might be taken away from among you.

1Corinthians 5:3 For I verily, as absent in body, but present in spirit, have judged already, as though I were present, concerning him that hath so done this deed,

1Corinthians 5:4 In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when ye are gathered together, and my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ,

1Corinthians 5:5 To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.

1Corinthians 5:6 Your glorying is not good. Know ye not that a little leaven leaveneth the whole lump?

1Corinthians 5:7 Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:

1Corinthians 5:8 Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, neither with the leaven of malice and wickedness; but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.

1Corinthians 5:9 I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators:

1Corinthians 5:10 Yet not altogether with the fornicators of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or with idolaters; for then must ye needs go out of the world.

1Corinthians 5:11 But now I have written unto you not to keep company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater, or a railer, or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such an one no not to eat.

1Corinthians 5:12 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within?

1Corinthians 5:13 But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.

1Corinthians 6:1 Dare any of you, having a matter against another, go to law before the unjust, and not before the saints?

1Corinthians 6:2 Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters?

1Corinthians 6:3 Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?

1Corinthians 6:4 If then ye have judgments of things pertaining to this life, set them to judge who are least esteemed in the church.

1Corinthians 6:5 I speak to your shame. Is it so, that there is not a wise man among you? no, not one that shall be able to judge between his brethren?

1Corinthians 6:6 But brother goeth to law with brother, and that before the unbelievers.

1Corinthians 6:7 Now therefore there is utterly a fault among you, because ye go to law one with another. Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?

1Corinthians 6:8 Nay, ye do wrong, and defraud, and that your brethren.

1Corinthians 6:9 Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

1Corinthians 6:10 Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

1Corinthians 6:11 And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

1Corinthians 6:12 All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

1Corinthians 6:13 Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body.

1Corinthians 6:14 And God hath both raised up the Lord, and will also raise up us by his own power.

1Corinthians 6:15 Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of an harlot? God forbid.

1Corinthians 6:16 What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.

1Corinthians 6:17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit.

1Corinthians 6:18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

1Corinthians 6:19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

1Corinthians 6:20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

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midnightswhim-blog · 6 years

Text

It’s raining.

I’m alone. Coldplay’s Sparks is on my playlist now. A lot has been happening ever since she left.

The first year was tough. The toughest year I have ever endured in my life. I pictured you as my all. I pictured you as the lady that’d be in white walking down the aisle. It was tough for me.

There are no good news for any bad news. Learned it from then onward.

2016.

I was vulnerable, left off-guard after she left. I was alone - literally. I locked myself in the room for days and confining myself from meeting friends. Played truant for countless of times just to have my days off from work.

I barfly-ed almost every weekend. Devouring every food I could get just to have my self-love from food. Started smoking again after years of not doing so. Bought my own cigarette packs ever since she left until today (which I have vowed myself not to buy pre-break up). After-work drinking session until late at night. Signed for a “covenant” with a church community which I am now regretting til this day. Crazy, whirlwind thoughts of the “what-if’s”,”could have’s”. Binge-listening to Coldplay as they are our favourite band and Ghost Stories is our specific favourite album. Desperate in trying to get her response from unanswered WhatsApp texts, SMSes, calls, e-mails, messengers and even the traditional letter-writing. Without warning, streaming of tears often happen usually at night right before I sleep.

As a result, I gained weight. I often sleep-deprived. Coughing non-stop. Bad stench of cigarettes everyday. Day-dreaming. Lost focus in my part-time studies resulted in quitting from the college. Self-hate 24/7. Hated my job. Peppery all the time. Short temper. Kept on talking to myself. Long story short, I wasn’t being myself after the end of our 6-year relationship.

2017.

I have decided on NYE of 2016 that I should not be doing this anymore. I need to move on for my own sake. Not for her, not for the so-called “salvageable relationship” but for me. I cut down my stalking of her profiles, decided to go for a vacation and tried to get myself on the dating game again. Alas, I was on Tinder (haha!).

Gotten a few matches. The first match was a Bidayuh girl, petite, coeval. Had a few conversations through texting and decided to meet-up after a series of texting. Joy was alright. So-so to be exact. She has tattoos on her body which was absolutely a no from me and she doesn’t enjoy reading. She smokes cigarettes which obviously a no-no for me too. Also, a heavy Marijuana consumer. I don’t do Marijuana and with my career-then was heavily linked with the Constitution and legal Acts in my country, a strong no for her as my girlfriend.

However deep inside me I was trying to give her a chance. Probably I was comparing herself to my ex which I know is unhealthy. I was comparing throughout that night of ours at McDonald’s and I know it was wrong. We finally called it a night and I followed her behind her car to escort her back home.

We texted again as how it was before but this time with corny-callings & with the “i love you’s”. It wasn’t genuine as I was fighting, trying to compromise to myself that she is alright, she’s a good girl and she’s gonna be a good girlfriend.

After 3-weeks of knowing each other and things somehow started to get serious (the way I see it from her view and not mine), I decided to play truant and we went to a resort which is an hour drive from downtown. We made out and it wasn’t great. I wasn’t sincere as it felt different/insincere. After which it ended, I shoot her down after getting ourselves washed up and said “no” for this so-called relationship to continue. She was my “almost”. She was sad. She was begging that she would stop taking Marijuana if we could continue on and trying to achieve the “relationship” we “both” wanted. But I said, no, she shouldn’t have to do so; in trying to change herself 180 degrees just to please me. I had enough of that prior to Joy, as both my ex and I tried our very best to please the other half. I do not want to hurt her and myself especially so I called it off. I felt relieved and Joy however, was mad. She threw all her tantrums on Twitter (in which she thought I wasn’t stalking) called me all sort of names in which we both agreed that this had to end maturely. I unfollowed her instagram, deleted her contacts from my phone and no-contact ever since.

A month later I had another match. Joelyn is her name. It was an accidental super-like as I was trying to increase the brightness of my iPhone’s screen but lo and behold, she swiped right. We had series of texting and it was fun. She was “almost” like my ex. Her fashion sense is better than Joy. She know what Tumblr is and she knows who The Neighbourhood is and she enjoys listening to Coldplay too. Another bonus point for Jo. I judge girls based on these and apparently she has all the checklists checked. Texting Jo was fun. We met days later and I drove for an hour to her campus and gotten ourselves cups of Starbucks. The night was enjoyable. She enjoyed listening to the things I said and likewise as well. It was fun. We called it a night and I sent her off back to her campus as she was on her final semester in Quantity Surveying.

We texted again ever since and as always, we moved on to the second level of texting and with corny-callings. It was fun. We then decided to have a weekend stay in a vacant house, family-owned. We watched movies, lame ones and we slept but no make-outs as I do not want to rush for this one. The next day however, we made out and it was brief as my brother arrived minutes after we engaged ourselves in HAHA! What a thirst I need to endure after months of not doing so hahaha!

Weeks later, Jo and I decided to engage ourselves in a relationship. It was flowery, butterflies and rainbows, for me the very least. I was proud of her. Super fucking proud. I’d never thought that I could have someone as my girlfriend again. Daily spamming my social media with her photos and tagged her on memes and gossiping about her friends and mine.

A month rolled out well. The second however she started to show her real stripes. She started jokingly joked about having a sugar-daddy, tweeted sugar daddy stuff, dreaming of getting expensive things which was WAY out of my budget as I was merely a court interpreter.

In the final month of ours, I had enough. Enough of this relationship after she said she gotten annoyed by my lame jokes (and my, all girls loved my lame jokes hahaha), she hated me using the “hahaha” expression cause to her it’s annoying (??) and constantly talking about sugar-daddy in which I felt a sharp blow every time she mentioned those as she doesn’t seem not to appreciate or support the career I was living as at that time. It was hard cause I was proud to have her, she’s pretty and obviously that gotten my ex’s ego down too hard as she countless of times changing her socmed photos with alluring ones; in which she had never done so throughout the years of us together. Her race is somewhat a rare gem and if we’d both gotten it til marriage it would be a hybrid/mix of races and we’ll definitely have cute and handsome kids.

I cared too much about Jo. I loved her but she doesn’t seem like she is when she was with me. I was just an opportunity she used to fill up her needs. A company she fakingly called as a “boyfriend” so as to meet with her “opportunist” needs. A stuck-up, self-absorbed, selfish ex girlfriend I would call, based on the way she treated me and the way she tweeted stuff on her Twitter.

2018.

A year after the break-up, we met and was trying to know how life was after the break. I had two-almosts but that’s it, nothing serious and none on Tinder.

Jo however proudly bragging about having more than 10 Tinder dates and most of it are hook-ups, caught by the police once after a made-out session in the car (cheap thrills fuck yea), and had good sex with the boyS she went out with. I was like, “wow how cheap can you be?”.

It’s June now, and still single ever since Jo and I broke up. Probably because I had too much of expectations in relationship. I can say that I am tired of this chasing game now. I can also safely say that girls nowadays wouldn’t even have their heads turned if a guy isn’t financially stable. Maybe I am now afraid of getting hurt again. It took me a while to get myself up from Joelyn I wouldn’t lie even though it was only a five-month relationship.

Oh well. *shrugs*.

Time to get off from the office now.

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xeezhiah · 7 years

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13 August 2017 - Run Rio Trilogy Leg 2: Afroman Distance

6.12mi = 9.85km

Well, I again tapped my run tracker so late from gun start and too early as I crossed the finish line that I didn’t reach the exact 10K again. But like last run, I did finish the race coz if not, I won’t be getting my finisher’s medal.

This is second to the last run for 2017 and I mean it.

Schatz survived her first 10K and as expected, she gave me a new PR. If I have seen it right on the official timer, I hit the line at 1:25:48, I will get to see my confirmed runner and gun times on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Other than it is Schatz’s first 10K race, this is also the first race that I ran that has two separate venues as its start and finish points. Run kicked off in Okada Manila premises and then it stopped at SM Mall of Asia Running Grounds. Not that I am ranting but this is also the first run that has more than 3 U-Turns on its course. I think there were 5 or 6 of it - the most confusing race route I ever ran so far.

This is only my 4th time running the 10k distance but I am happy that I was able to break my latest PR again even if I unofficially beaten it by matters of seconds. A new PR is a new PR and I will take it anytime. Props to the fact that I only had 5 days of training, I didn’t get as much sleep as needed and I kept waking up every hour for some reasons.

It felt since yesterday that I wasn’t in the perfect shape to even break my PR but race day proved otherwise, endorphins won over all the odds that were against my favour.

As early as the 2km mark, I was struggling. My right knee down to my ankle were hurting so I had to stop running and brisk walked instead. While I was doing so, I was talking to myself:

“There is no reason to give up, sweetheart. 6km more to go, we CAN do this, keep going!”

At 2.5km mark, at the hydration station, I had no choice but to splash my face with cold water because my body’s heat is climbing up to my face and it could get worse if I don’t do something about it.

Started limping because the ankle really is hitting me bad at the 4km mark but I kept going still. Getting to break my PR still is my goal and that I need to get that medal. I didn’t give up on my 12 previous run, so what is my excuse now?

I have had a cramp and pulled hamstring scare at the 6km mark which limited me to walking again instead of running. Truth be told, I worried on that part because I may not be able to reach the finish line within my target time but – surprise, surprise, at the 8th km mark, my tracker said that my time is 1:10 - that is more than enough to finish the last 2km, within my target time.

And I did.

I couldn’t be more proud of myself for doing so in spite getting hurt.

“Nasaktan, pero naka PR. Palaban ee!” - that’s how I captioned my run as I share it on Facebook. Nothing is more precious than finishing the race and having the medal given to you (worn to you, maybe but I am ot confident on such choice of word) as soon as you reach the finish line. It’s like the medal in itself is enough to take all the pain away.

I didn’t bother braving the long lines at each of the sponsors’ booth because my right foot really hurts that I needed a space on my own so that I could try and stretch it. I hurried to get my finisher’s loot, left the race village and settled in one of the pillars in One E-Com Building to stretch my foot out. It gave me relief but when I started walking again, I knew I needed a medicated spray and a bandage.

I did just that as soon as I got home. As I compose this, I am pressing/stretching both my legs against the wall while my right foot is bandaged. I’m certain I would be out of the road run for the next two weeks to let this foot heal first.

It is also a wise decision to just finish the Trilogy and not aim to get to 10 runs for 2017 because my body says I am tired and I needed longer rest. I have 5 runs (6 actually because the third installment of the trilogy is on October 1st) to brag this year anyway and that is just enough to say I have had more runs, more because these are longer distances compared to most of what I have ran last year. This year, I believe I was braver!

Now this is the point where I wanna say something special to two important persons who makes up who I am.

First is for that someone who I have not met personally but has touched my life since High School through music. It was a proof that music alone can change people, music can influence a lot of one’s decisions and music heals wounds that not everyone can see. Appreciating Linkin Park is obviously inches away from my being a Backstreet Boys fangirl, but I loved “Papercut” the same way that I loved “I want it that way”. Chester Bennington was my rocker version of AJ McLean, and it broke my heart into fine pieces at the knowledge of his passing. Chester was a huge part of my teenage life, I screamed with him, emulating his unique voice when singing “In The End” and “One Step Closer”. When I needed to break free from all the stress life throws at me, Linkin Park songs were my escape. Chester’s death seems like I have lost a part of me that I can never take back anymore. I ran this morning with a heavy heart, because a part of me continues to mourn for Chester.

A part of me died with Chester Bennington, he was and forever will be my favourite Linkin Park member and just like other fans out there, I know the band will never be the same without him. There are many hows and whys to ask but will be left unanswered now that he us laid to rest. His passing is an eye opener, that we should appreciate life no matter how it sucks sometimes and that there will always be people who are willing to help when you feel like the rest of the world is against you.

Chester Bennington, you may not know me but I am one of the many people who loves you dearly. I dedicate this run for you, for the music that you shared with the world and for the life that you have lived. Heaven has gained another rock star angel in you. Rest in peace! 🙏

Second is for that someone who I constantly see as my inspiration, be it in running or in making my ultimate dream a reality. We breathe the same air and looks on at the same sky but most of the time, we are halfway around the world apart. In spite the odds, I continue to love in silence, I opt not to stop.

Yesterday, I heard mass by “accident” and I looked at it as God’s way of helping me ease my worry about today’s run and much more, I took advantage of me being in the church to humbly pray for him, for his good health and for his safety. I ask God all of these things everyday but it is always special that I was in the church when I rarely do that. At that point and always, my prayers were more for him than for me.

I kept waking up every hour during my sleep prior to going to Okada. I called it a night at 2230H but I woke up 30minutes later, then again at 0000H and at 0130H, respectively. At 0245H, I decided to just get up and start preparing for the run which requires the 10K runners to be at the Assembly area at 0430H for the 0450H gunstart. It isn’t true that I didn’t know why I kept waking up every hour because I knew why all along. As I toss and turn, there is one constant thing - he lingers in my mind and is haunting me in my dream. Then when I opened Facebook, I figured out why he was in my thoughts - he’s restless because he was waiting to go on duty which repeatedly got cancelled since Saturday afternoon until I ran and finished it. I feel for him like I always do. Hopefully, he gets to rest and that the duty he is supposed to serve will finally push through as per the new schedule.

At the 7th km mark of the run, my running playlist on Spotify played One Direction’s “Perfect” and as I stride, I suddenly cried. I got reminded of him for some reasons, I may never be the perfect one for him, I don’t think I’ll ever be but I will always look at him as the love of my life - THAT love of my life who is not going to be mine, ever.

And I am at peace with that so long as he is happy.

My dear SO, for the nth time around, thoughts of you kept me fighting. Your smile on my screenlock kept me going. You may be elusive but it isn’t an excuse nor a reason for me to stop doing what I do because I feel so alive even at the thought of you. You are lifeline to me, seeing you happy is more than enough for me to have more reasons to live. Thank you for inspiring me in ways you don’t even know how. Thank you for your existence, love, because you made me feel more alive than I ever be. In my silence, I will continue to love you. I will always love you. My success in this run is yours, too, just as I have promised. Advanced happy birthday, my heart’s favourite. Fly and come back home safe, my love! ❤

So much of the outpour of emotions now, someone needs to get some sleep! 😅

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