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mountttmase · 3 days

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If I Lost You

Note - this fic was such a struggle for me but we’re here and we made it 😂 I know I haven’t uploaded in a really long time by my standards so I’d love to know what you guys think and also thank you to my besties for your help on this one, I couldn’t have done it without you 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 7k

Warnings - angst and fluff

There was nothing Mason hated more than traffic. Traffic coupled with a later than usual training session was even worse

He’d been sat pretty much stationary for around 20 minutes now, slowly moving every couple of minutes but he hadn’t made it far. Eventually turning his playlist over to the radio so he could listen out for traffic updates but the flashing blue lights up ahead let him know what was happening.

He was right in the thick of it, no option to turn around and go another way, but not close enough to the front to be able to get around it yet and when a few more police cars came up to join the scene he realised it must have been a bad crash.

So he did the only thing he could do and waited. His mind wandering off to far away places that he tried not to visit too often and once he realised he was starting to spiral he quickly switched the radio back over to his playlist so he could distract himself.

It was only around 15 minutes later he’s made it to the front of the line, watching the traffic warden wave a few cars forward at a time to drive into the oncoming lane to get round and soon enough it was his turn.

He knew he shouldn’t have, but there was something making him want to look at the scene as he drove by. Head turning to the left of him to see how bad it was and the sight before him shocked him to the core.

The car was on its side, bonet crushed from hitting a lamppost and he could tell the windows had been broken to get whoever was inside free but after a few seconds the realisation that something was wrong slapped him in the face.

He knew that car. It was yours.

It was the colour that alerted him first. That specific shade of light blue he’d only ever known you to have but as he looked closer he could tell it was the same make and model as yours too. The panic rising up his chest until he thought he might have been sick but the sound of beeping horns shocked him out of his trance.

He couldn’t sit and wait and let himself process anything, the traffic officer waving him forward but it was like he was having an out of body experience. He wanted to get out and find you, the urge to scream your name was on the tip of his tongue but he did as he was told and drove forward, leaving the scene of the crime behind him but he felt too weird to carry on too much longer and pulled into a side street so he could park up and sort himself out.

There wasn’t much he could do, you hadn’t spoken in months and the only other person the pair of you had in common would no doubt tear him a new one if he called asking after you and he also didn’t want to worry everyone if it was nothing. He still needed to do something though and In the end he decided to text you in hopes you’d get back to him soon and settle his mind. You always had your phone in your hand so he knew this was the easiest way to grab your attention and hopefully speak to you.

The rest of the drive home, albeit short, was a nightmare. He couldn’t concentrate on anything and was constantly messing up but he made it back in one piece. Running inside so he could turn the news on immediately, hoping for any sign of what had happened whilst he sat and panicked. Not being able to think about anything other than knowing you were okay.

This was hell, and he hated it. But the way he was feeling for you right now was mostly his own doing.

You’d met Mason a few years ago at the after party for the final of their euros. Your best friend's brother was Rashy and she’d invited you along to watch the final, and although it had ended in heartbreak there was a certain brown eyed boy you and the rest of the world couldn't seem to tear their eyes away from.

You knew it was over for you when he came over to console Marcus, seeing how genuinely kind and concerned he was for his friend made your heart thump and when the pair of you were finally introduced you didn’t miss the way his eyes flickered over you.

He couldn’t stick around too long, needing to get back to his family but you caught eyes a few times throughout the night and when you were at the bar alone he used that as his in to come and speak to you properly.

It was his smile that caught you first, but it was hard not to notice his big brown eyes and musical laugh. In the end standing and chatting until the night was pretty much over and you had to go your separate ways but he gave you his number and made you promise to message him as soon as possible.

You didn’t know what you were expecting from Mason, but what you got was a blossoming friendship and you were more than thankful he was in your life. With you living in Manchester and him in London it was hard to see each other, Mason constantly referring to you as pen pals but you took what you could with him. Going to watch him play at Wembley sometimes and seeing him in the summer or whenever he has some free time for a few days gave you something to look forward to and you loved getting to know him on a deeper level.

It was very much a will they won’t they type of relationship. As much as you adored Mason, you didn’t want things to change and you knew long distance would be hard until just over a year had passed and you decided to take the plunge. The pair of you in Greece with a big group of the other boys and their girlfriends and Mason confessed he hated the thought of maybe seeing you with someone else and was willing to put the work in for you if that’s what you wanted.

And you really did.

Being Mason's girlfriend was everything you thought it could be and more. He was still his cute charming self but you felt free being able to be with him in the way you’d secretly always wanted. Your first kiss being a little awkward but he kept you relaxed and let you go at your own pace. Kissing all over your face until you were ready to try again and now it seemed as if you couldn't get enough of him.

It did come with its own set of challenges though. Being away from each other a lot of the time took its toll and even though when you were together you always made it count, the goodbyes were getting harder and Mason couldn’t stand to see you cry everytime he had to leave again. Or your sad face on FaceTime when you spoke in the evenings when you were apart, wishing he could reach out and touch you but he was never able to give you the comfort he so desperately wanted to.

It was around March of 2023 when it all came crashing down. Mason had a lot on his plate with an injury that wouldn’t go away and Chelsea’s new owners not treating him the way he should have been. You could tell he was more down than usual and planned a trip to go stay with him for a week so he’d have someone to come home to and someone to cuddle after a long day but at first you felt like he didn’t want you there at all.

You still remember the night before he ended it all. It’s like he was back to your Mason for a bit as you made dinner and spoke on the sofa until the early hours until you went up to bed. It was like he held you extra tight that night and whilst you figured it was just because he’d missed you and he’d had a nice night you now wondered if there was more behind it. Maybe thinking he should hold you properly if it was the last time and then out of the blue, he turned your world upside down the next morning.

He tried to give you the usual spiel of it’s not you it’s me and you were about to cuss him out for being so ridiculous but one look at him and you could see how much he was struggling. Telling you he hated that he couldn’t give you what you needed at that it broke him seeing you so down when he already had so much on his plate. You knew he needed to lighten his load, you just hated that it was you that would be cut off.

You didn’t argue with him, it being clear that he couldn’t take it but you spent the rest of your day packing up your stuff into the early evening where he made you stay for one more night so you weren’t driving home in the dark.

You felt stupid, making sure he was okay even though you felt like you were dying inside but you loved Mason and even though this was hurting you more than you could possibly imagine, you kept on a brave face for him. Telling him you’d still be there if he needed you and not to hesitate calling if he needed someone to talk to.

Sleeping in the guest room that night hurt more than anything he’d said to you over the last 24 hours but you remember him coming into your room at around two am as your cries had kept him awake. Holding you and shushing you in hopes you’d get some sleep but it didn’t work and all you wanted was to go back in time and undo everything he’d said but you couldn’t. So you stayed awake and tried to remember what it felt like to hold him, what he smelt like and how his skin felt pressed up against yours.

‘Can we make a deal?’ He whispered all of a sudden and you nodded into his neck in hopes he’d feel it, knowing your voice wouldn’t hold up if you tried to speak. ‘I want you to live your life and forget about me, yeah? Like if you meet someone new I want you to go for it. But in five years time, if we’re both single, do you think we could try again?’

‘I’ll see’ you whispered, knowing he wasn’t happy with that answer by the way he kissed your hairline softly but he let it go. Knowing he didn’t have a leg to stand on after what he was putting you through.

You left the next morning early, him giving you an emotional goodbye on his doorstep but you were ready to go home and be on your own now. Mason asking if you could still be friends and if he could text you and you stupidly agreed before getting away as fast as you could but you only made it one street away before you had to stop for a big cry. Wanting to get it all out before you began your drive home and after 15 minutes you set off again. Your phone going off every so often but you ignored it until you were back in the comfort of your flat and when you saw they were all from Mason you felt sadder than you expected to.

You were curious as to what he’d deleted but you didn’t have the energy to ask so you sent him a quick reply telling him you were fine and going to sleep before taking yourself straight to bed. Too tired to be upset or over think anything and when you woke up the next morning things still hurt but you’d resigned to your fate of being his friend again.

A friend.

So you spoke here and there for a while and even though you were broken it was a fairly easy split. You remained civil and on good terms and it broke you to see how unfairly he was being treated on the field and with his whole contract saga. He kept going though like the Mason you knew and loved but when the news hit he’d had surgery it felt like your world had tumbled upside down.

You felt useless, wanting to help him as much as you could but he was so far away and you’d already used up all your holiday so you did your usual and let him phone you when he needed a chat.

Not too long after his surgery everything seemed to fizzle out. Nothing happened as such but your texts and calls came few and far between until there was nothing and when the news broke he was moving to Manchester you felt too awkward to text him. Not wanting to give the wrong impression that you expected something from him now so you left it so he could come to you.

He never did though.

You weren’t sure why he didn’t, but Mason had his own reasons. Not wanting to drag you back into the mess of his life and the fact you’d stopped messaging him made him think you were done with him and he didn’t have the heart to face your rejection no matter how much you were on his mind.

So he moved to Manchester and didn’t reach out, even though he thought about it everyday, and tried to rebuild his life without you. He was doing well but you were always there in the back of his mind, even thinking he’d seen you a few times and his tummy jumped each time before he realised it wasn’t you. He’d wanted to message you more than anything but he didn’t have the guts, even though you’d both promised to stay friends the messages had become so few and far between and now there was nothing.

As soon as Mason was inside he ran to the living room to put the news on, pausing the TV as soon as it showed the aftermath of the accident so he could get a better look before playing again to where it was panning past what he thought was your car. He managed to stop it at a point to be able to examine it more carefully and he could feel the nerves rippling through him.

Same colour, same make and model, same sticker on the back window with where the car came from, different number plate…

Different number plate.

Mason let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t you. Someone was clearly hurt and that wasn’t good but he couldn’t deny he felt lighter at the fact it wasn’t you who was in harm's way. Falling back into the cushions of his sofa so he could take a few breaths to steady himself.

You were okay.

He felt a little silly now, panicking so much when you were clearly fine but as the minutes wore on he managed to talk himself back into a frazzled state.

He didn’t know what it was, not being able to settle and focus on anything but you. Now you were back on his mind, all he could see was your pretty eyes and perfect smile.

He knew nothing about you anymore. The only piece of information left being the address of your old flat and now he was getting to know the area he knew you weren’t too far away. But he didn’t know if you were there anymore and if he did turn up whatever the chances you would even want to see him?

What if you’d moved on? Surely Rashy would have told him but Mason couldn't stand the thought of turning up at your house and a random guy being there. No doubt he’d be taller than him and funnier and be able to make all the time in the world for you and the thought of seeing you with someone who’s everything Mason isn’t made him miserable.

It was like there was an itch in his brain that he couldn’t scratch, not able to settle as his mind came out with random questions to make him doubt what he already knew. He decided against messaging Rashy, presuming he wouldn’t have much of an idea either and he didn’t want to start worrying everyone unnecessarily if there really was nothing wrong.

Maybe he read it wrong and it was your number plate? Or maybe you’d changed your number plate and it was you all along? Why hadn’t you answered his texts yet either? Was there an innocent explanation or had he missed something and it really was you that was hurt?

The only thing he did know was that he couldn’t stay in and drive himself insane. Eventually coming to the conclusion that a run would clear his head so he quickly changed into some shorts and a hoodie before setting off. No particular place or destination in mind, just the need to let off some steam and clear his mind.

When the rain started to fall he cursed under his breath. Too far away from home to turn around and avoid it and also not done with his run as he was still feeling on edge so he grit his teeth and carried on. Weaving in and out of streets until he started to recognise where he was a bit more.

Maybe it was just a coincidence he ended up here, like in the back of his mind this is where he needed to end up to finally put his mind at rest but as he stopped to get his breath just outside of your building he only felt worse.

Your car which you always parked in the same spot was nowhere to be seen, and the flat he knew to be yours had all of the lights off but the curtains were open. Like you’d been out and not made it home yet to shut them and he felt sick to his stomach at the thought.

‘No no no no no’ he whispered under his breath, not understanding where your car was and it seemed like only the worst possible outcome was the right one.

He knew it was a bad decision to come here but he’d done it anyway and now his mind was spiralling more than he thought possible.

He thought about going home but the need to see that you were fine with his own two eyes outweighed everything else and before he knew it he was running up the path and standing outside your front door with his hand poised to knock.

What am I supposed to say? He thought. I thought you were dead so I came to check you were alright? No, he couldn’t but he knocked before he had a chance to think of anything else. Waiting anxiously as he heard a few noises from behind the door but if you were there then you were taking forever to answer.

As soon as you opened the door he felt his body flood with relief. Your hair was pointing up in all different directions and he could clearly see the pillow marks on your cheek. A shocked and confused expression painted your features as you realised who was standing in front of you but he just felt his heart swell before his face crumpled as he tried to hold the tears back.

‘Mase? Mase what’s wrong?’ You asked, reaching forward to touch him in some way but you second guessed yourself before you got there. Not knowing if he wanted you to touch him but he looked distraught so you pushed your thoughts to the side and pulled him into the doorway. ‘Mase, you’re soaked. Come inside, it’s okay’

‘I’m sorry’ he told you, his voice wobbling as you shut the door and the feeling of warmth engulfed him immediately. He felt self here.

This feels like home, he thought. The place was unchanged from when he was last here and he stood awkwardly in the hall as you shut the door before leading him into the living room just around the corner.

‘Sorry, you've caught me at a bit of a bad time’ you laughed as you tidied the blankets off of the sofa and reset the cushions so you both had a place to sit. Flustered that he’d turned up so randomly and in the back of your mind you wondered if it might have happened one day but you chalked it off as being a silly daydream in the end.

‘Danger nap?’ He asked and you felt your face flush at the way he’d caught on so quickly. ‘Don’t worry, I remember them well’

‘Well I’ve been having them a bit more frequently since I’ve got no one to tell me off anymore’ you joked but you saw his face drop ever so slightly. ‘Take a seat, you want a drink or anything?’

‘I’m fine, thanks’

‘You sure? I’ll get you a tea you look like you need warming up’ you told him softly before scurrying over to the kitchen and he felt his chest warm with how kind you were to him. Hearing the kettle flick down before you came back to close the curtains and then run over to the cupboard under the stairs. ‘Take your hoodie off Mase, you’ll catch a chill. I’ve got you a towel and I’ll turn the heating up’

‘Sorry, this is probably the last thing you needed tonight’ he sighed, grabbing the towel to run over his hair once he’d taken his hoodie off but the shoulders of his top were still wet and now he was sitting here waiting for you he felt silly.

‘No don’t worry about that, I know we haven’t spoken for a while but I always said I’m here if you need me’ you told him shyly. Sitting down next to him so you could place his tea on the table before sending him a reassuring smile

‘I know’ he huffed. ‘I just feel a bit dramatic now that’s all’ he told you, trying to laugh it off but you knew him and you knew something was on his mind.

‘What’s going on? Why are you here?’ You pushed gently, trying to get him to open up a little bit more and when his eyes fell to his lap you weren’t sure if he was about to tell you or not. Thankfully he did after a few moments but you weren’t prepared for the words that were about to tumble from his lips.

‘There’s um… well there’s been this big accident on the main road out of Manchester. It’s all over the news and I was stuck in traffic for like 45 minutes until I could get round it’ he told you but you were unsure as to why he was updating you on the traffic when you’d asked what he was so upset about.

‘Okay?’

‘The car that crashed… well I thought it was yours’ he told you, his voice wobbling at the end and you felt your heart shatter as you realised what was wrong now. ‘It’s the same colour and make and everything and I… well I was out of my mind worrying that… i don’t know that you were hurt or something-‘

‘Oh Mase’ you breathed, cutting him off as his voice got more and more emotional and all you wanted was to pull him into a hug but you weren’t sure if that was what he wanted. In the end you just reached for his hand and you were surprised at how tightly he gripped onto you.

‘Sorry I bet I sound insane’ he laughed, wiping his eyes with his free hand and you felt your heart break for him.

‘No no it’s okay’ you reassured him, placing your other around your already clasped ones. Hoping he’d keep on talking but you let him take his time as he was clearly overwhelmed and upset by everything that had happened tonight.

‘It was on the news and I saw it wasn’t your number plate so I thought you were fine but then i managed to talk myself out of thinking that and I tried to text you, but i didn’t hear anything back but I guess you were asleep’ he smiled, squeezing your hand gently and you smiled sadly back at him.

‘I never got a text from you, I don’t think I did anyway’ you told him. ‘I was only asleep for like ten minutes. I did see some texts but it was a number I didn’t recognise and I thought it was a scam thing so I didn’t bother looking properly cause the number wasn’t saved’

‘A scam?’

‘Yeah I keep getting those texts like Evri has your parcel but it’s damaged and the details are lost. Please send your address, bank details and blood type so we can attempt a redelivery’ you joked and you felt your tummy flip when he let out a little laugh.

‘No it’s my fault, my personal number got leaked a little while back and when I moved up here I thought it would be a good idea to get a new number. I texted most people but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to hear from me so I just kept your number in my contacts. I completely forgot you wouldn’t have it saved’

‘You know that makes a lot of sense actually’ you smiled, watching his eyebrows pinch together in confusion and you thought his expression was adorable. ‘I sort of texted you last week. You know, after your goal? I didn’t hear back from you’

‘Shit, I’m so sorry’ he sighed, his free hand dragging down his face and you could tell he was annoyed with himself as he rolled his eyes.

‘No it’s alright-‘

‘No cause you probably thought I was ignoring you and I wasn’t’ he told you, almost pleading with you to make you believe him but you already did and when you sent him a soft smile he let out a big sigh he’d been holding in. ‘Where’s your car? It's not parked out the front?’

‘Chrissy upstairs moved out and I was next on the list for a spot in the underground car park so I park it down there now’ you explained, releasing how shaken he must have been and still was to know you might have been hurt and when one of your hands let go to touch his shoulder, his eyes snapped up to yours. ‘Are you alright, mase?’

‘No’ he whispered quietly, his glossy eyes looking back down to his lap and as much as you wanted to push him you also didn’t want to scare him off so you sat waited for him to come clean and tell you what was going on in his head. ‘I know it’s stupid but like… I realised if I lost you then… well it felt like my world was ending in all honesty’ he confessed, laughing slightly but you could tell there was no humour in it l. ‘I know that’s dramatic but all I could think about was everything I’d never told you, all the things I’d never be able to say to you again, you know? Never be able to hold you or kiss you…’

‘Kiss me?’ You whispered. Unsure as to why he’d said that at the end as you’d been broken up for almost a year now but you couldn’t deny his confession made your heart jump. If truth be told it hurt more than you thought it would when he didn’t reply to you a week ago and seeing him so heartbroken on your doorsteps just now was a shock. But the words falling from his lips right now were even more of a shock.

‘Sorry’ he mumbled, his voice thick with tears as he shook his head but you didn’t want him to shut down on you now. You wanted him to keep talking, to see if he’d say the things you’d been waiting a year for him to admit so you carried on stroking his skin and letting him get himself together.

‘No no it’s okay, I just wasn’t expecting it’ you laughed, looking up at him to thankfully looking back at you with a small smile on his face. ‘Now’s your chance Mase, what do you wanna tell me’ you whispered, wondering if he’d say anything at all but ever the unexpected he said the last thing you thought he would.

‘I love you’ he whispered instantly. The words sending a tingle down your spine and you almost lost your breath. ‘I’m still so fucking in love with you and the though of you not being around anymore hurt more than I could tell you. Not that I’ve tried, but I can’t love anyone else like I loved you. Like I still love you, y/n’

‘Mase-‘

‘I know it’s been a while and you won’t feel the same but-‘

‘Mase stop’ you whispered, your eyes stinging at the thought of what he might be doing but the sincerity in his eyes kept a spark of hope alive. ‘Are you sure? I think you’re in shock a bit, you may want this now but what about in a month's time? Or two? I can’t go through feeling like that again’

‘I’m sure, i promise’ he nodded, dropping his eyes to his lap before taking a deep breath and you knew he had more to say. ‘I know we said if we were both single in five years we’d come back to each other but that’s too far away for me and I don’t wanna give anyone else the opportunity to have you. People like us, we’re meant to meet in a few years time when we both know who we are and what we want for ourselves but I don’t wanna do that. I want us to work through it all and grow together, you know?’

‘Mase-’

‘I pushed you away when I should have held onto you tighter. I think about you… all the fucking time and I can’t be without you’ he sniffled. ‘I know it’s incredibly selfish of me but I don’t want you to be just a chapter in my life when you’re the whole damn book baby’

You couldn’t help but laugh at his last line, your chuckles seeming to break the tension a little bit as he smiled at you and you could feel your heart in your throat at all the sweet words he’d spilled to you tonight.

‘Sorry I know it’s a lot but I just needed you to know’

‘Well thank you, and you know I care about you so much Mase-‘

‘Oh’ he sighed, trying to remove his hand from yours as you hadn’t told you him loved him back and he felt a bit embarrassed but that wasn’t your intention.

‘No Mase, wait I just… look it’s a lot to think about’ you laughed, squeezing his hand tighter so he couldn’t move away. ‘Just give me some time to take it in, yeah?’

‘Sorry’

‘No please don’t be sorry’ you told him before a quietness settled over you for a moment. Not really sure what you were wanting to say and knowing Mason had said enough for a lifetime tonight so you went back to what you thought you did best. Looking after him. ‘Listen, have you eaten? I’ve got a pasta bake to put in the oven and you know I always cook for about five people’

‘I haven’t eaten’ he laughed ‘Too busy worrying that you'd been flattened’ he joked, rolling his eyes and you couldn’t help but let out a loud laugh at his attempt at humour.

‘Well let me make us something to eat, And we can hang out a bit and catch up, yeah?’ You asked hopefully and thankfully he nodded in agreement.

So you made the pair of you some dinner before getting settled on the sofa. Keeping the tv volume on minimum so you could talk and it was like having the Mason you fell for back with you. But your heart broke even further when he explained to you how hard the last year had been for him, from being sold to the constant injuries and feeling pretty lonely up here some nights when it was just him and his family and friends had to go home.

Soon enough your plates had been discarded to the coffee table as it was your turn to open up. Not that you had as much to say but he was interested all the same in hearing about your life and getting up to date with all the people you used to talk about together. Updating him on your job and all the changes that had been made before he commented on how even with all the changes your flat was still the same and it made him feel happy.

‘Hey Mase?’ You asked quietly when you saw him try to suppress a yawn and you knew he’d realised you’d seen when the bridge of his nose turned red like you used to love.

‘Yeah?’

‘Do you wanna stay here tonight?’ You asked, his eyebrows shooting up in shock as he clearly hadn’t expected you to ask anything like that but now you had him back here you didn’t want to let him go.

‘W-what?’ He mumbled, scratching the back of his head like he did whenever he got nervous but you send him a reassuring smile in hopes that would help.

‘I mean you don’t have to, but it’s late now and I won’t be having you walking home or paying for an Uber. Unless you want me to drive you home-‘

‘No you can’t drive me, I don’t want you driving back on your own’ he argued back but you were both smiling so you let out a little laugh before being a bit firmer with him.

‘So you’ll stay then? And I’ll drop you home on my way to work?’

‘I think that could work’ he nodded but you knew he was shy about it even though he had no need to be.

‘Okay perfect’

‘Do you still keep that blanket in the cupboard?’ He asked and you felt a wave of disappointment flood you.

‘Oh I um…’ you trailed off, realising he’d got the wrong end of the stick and you knew you needed to set him straight no matter how awkward it might get.

‘What’s up?’

‘Well I thought you might want to sleep in my bed? You know like… with me?’ You explained, his face a mask of shock as the words left your lips but you knew you needed to put the idea out there.

‘Oh’

‘Sorry I’m being silly’

‘No I want to, I just didn’t wanna push it you know? I wasn’t sure if that’s what you wanted’

‘I do’ you smiled. Holding your hand out for him to take and you felt your heart give a squeeze and he gently took it in his. ‘And I think it might be what you need’

‘I think so too,’ he laughed. A shy look on his face as you walked him through and into your bedroom and once you were inside you sent him a reassuring smile. ‘Get in, I’m just gonna use the bathroom and I’ll be with you’

You left him to sort himself out, quickly applying your skincare and trying to keep calm before returning to your room. Seeing Mason was already in bed and that he was still in his T-shirt but he’d stripped down to his boxers on the bottom half and you caught a cheeky flash of his thighs as you lifted the covers up.

You knew what you wanted, and what he probably wanted too so when you got yourself under the covers you turned away from him as you shuffled up close. Your back against his chest before taking his arm so you could wrap it around your body and you could tell from how stiff he was that he wasn’t expecting it but it only took a second for him to settle down and nuzzle into your neck.

‘I don’t think I need to wait until the morning’ you suddenly heard him whisper after a few moments and you felt your heart begin to pound. ‘I never ended things with you because I didn’t like you or I didn’t see us going anywhere. It was more that I didn't like myself. You’ve been the right person for me this whole time and I knew it long before we were friends, like it had always been my plan to make you mine and then when I finally got you I let you go’

‘Well you know what they say, Mase’ you whispered, holding him to you tighter and you felt him lightly kiss your shoulder. ‘If you love something you should set it free. And if it’s yours it’ll come back’

‘Will you come back to me then?’ He asked, his voice sounding more vulnerable than he intended it to. ‘Cause I’ll always come back to you’

‘I think we can work something out’ you whispered and you felt him stiffen before moving back so he could roll you over to face him. His eyes wide and glossy as he looked at you and you could tell you’d taken him by surprise.

‘Really? You’d wanna try again?’ He asked. Lip wobbling and it all became too much for him so you reached out to stroke his cheek and catch a few of the stray tears.

‘It just wasn’t our time back then, Mase. I get that now and yeah it sucked but if it’s really what you want then it’s what I’ve wanted since things ended’ you told him softly. Kissing the end of his nose as he shut his eyes softly. ‘I’ve been yours from the second you looked at me’

‘I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want this, or if you were seeing someone else’

‘Well lucky for you, you don’t have to worry about any of that’ you told him and you didn’t miss the look of relief on his face. ‘Things will be easier now we're closer okay? We can see each other more and all the things that drove us apart won’t be a problem’

‘You really think it’ll be that simple?’ He whispered, the hope in his eyes made you want to reassure him even further.

‘I think so, yeah. You said earlier you still loved me right?’

‘I did’ he laughed, not meeting your eyes as he blushed and you thought he was the most adorable thing you’d ever seen.

‘I still love you too’ you whispered, so quietly you thought he might now have heard you but from his reaction you knew he did. Letting out a shuddery breath before he hid his face. Giving you room to kiss all over his cheek until he had the courage to look at you again. ‘Shall we go to sleep?’ You offered, noticing how exhausted he was after a long evening and once he’d nodded you turned back onto your side and let him hold you close. Smiling at the way he was kissing your shoulder softly and nuzzled into your neck.

‘Hey Mase? Can I ask you something before we go to sleep?’

‘Anything’ he whispered, and the sound of his voice made your heart jump. Knowing he really would answer absolutely answer anything you asked him and this was something that had been plaguing your mind for a year.

‘That day I left to come home and you texted me the whole way, what did the message say that you deleted?’

You felt him let out a small chuckle, squeezing you a little before huffing and you knew it was something he probably never wanted to admit. You didn’t want to push him if that was the case but after a moment you felt his lips on your shoulder again as he began to speak.

‘It said, I think I’ve made a mistake. Can you come back and we’ll talk’ he told you quietly and you felt your heart pound at his confession. ‘I gave it ten minutes and said to myself if you hadn’t replied in that time then it wasn’t meant to be’

‘Mase’ you whispered, your eyes full of tears as a wave of regret from not checking your phone washed over you but he was quick to reassure you everything was fine.

‘It's okay, I’m glad you missed it’ he laughed. ‘It would have only made things worse probably. I needed that time to go through whatever was going on and realise how much I actually need you. Cause I really do’

‘I’m here’ you mumbled, turning you head to look at him and his whole face lit up as he looked down at you.

‘So am I. And I’m never going anywhere again okay?’

‘Me too’ you told him firmly before he finally lent down and placed the softest kiss to your lips. A feeling you’d waited almost a year for and when he pulled back to look at you, you almost felt disappointed but you could tell he was greedy for seconds. Diving right back in but with a bit more force this time and you let him do as he wished thankful the universe had brought him back to you.

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nxuvillette · 22 hours

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TO FEEL WHOLE AGAIN — BOOTHILL

synopsis: getting pregnant and left by yourself wasn’t in your plans in life at all, but you end up meeting a man who becomes more than just a friend who’s willing to help.

❥- pairings : boothill x fem!reader

❥- note : so sorry for any inactivity !! life has just been a wreck, but i’m here with a little idea I came up with the other night. i hope you all enjoy <3 reblogs are appreciated !!

content warnings : sfw, fem!reader, ageless + blank blogs dni, pregnancy, abandonment, heavy angst, breakups, mentions of abortion (reader does not have one), mentions of alcohol, human!boothill, angst with happy ending, use of pet names (darling + lovely), fluff, very fluffy things.

You can recall the day you met Boothill like it was the back of your hand.

It was the day your life had begun a completely new journey, but also, the same day that your life had completely fallen apart within just twenty four hours. Every memory was ingrained in your brain like it was never meant to go away. How could things end up going right, but so wrong at the same time?

About seven months prior, you found yourself sitting inside of a bar with tears still staining your cheeks from the incident that had occurred just hours beforehand. Your heart had gleamed, but shattered just minutes after. You questioned why something like this had happened to you. You never wronged anybody. Sure, you weren’t the most perfect person to exist, but as humans, it’s in their nature to make mistakes. Yet, god had different plans for you and they weren’t exactly the most pleasing ones.

Just two days before that day, you had found out you were pregnant.

It came by total surprise. You and your boyfriend weren’t exactly trying for kids, but you both had been together for four years at that point. You noticed something was off about you when your period suddenly missed its usual day, and you were experiencing some very odd symptoms that were unusual. After some convincing from your friends, you decided to go out and purchase a pregnancy test which came back positive. You didn’t know what to feel. You were excited, nervous, emotional, but most of all, anxious. You didn’t know how to break the news to your boyfriend and you weren’t sure whether or not you wanted to keep it.

For a few days, you didn’t say anything to him. You weren’t the best with words and you didn’t want to dump something so sudden onto him either, but he eventually figured it out when he found you one morning throwing up your breakfast into the toilet.

He wasn’t angry or upset, but you knew something wasn’t right with him after he found out. He started to become somewhat distant and he avoided any conversation about the baby growing inside you. Then, that same day you ended up at the bar, you had woken up to him gone. All of his items and personal belongings had been cleaned out, and when you tried to get a hold of him, he just completely ghosted you. You didn’t understand. Was it you? Was it the baby? Why did he just up and leave you like that with zero hesitation? It was like your heart had been shattered into pieces and you didn’t know what to do. He left you alone and pregnant with his child.

Completely brokenhearted and confused, that’s how you ended up in the bar. No, you weren’t drinking any alcohol, but there was a part of you that wanted to head to the clinic and terminate the pregnancy all together. You couldn’t raise a baby on your own. You had seen many stories of mothers defying the odds and managing, but would you be able to? You loved your now ex boyfriend more than life itself. You didn’t think you could fall in love again, and what man would want a single mother as a girlfriend? Most of them would scurry away the second it’s brought up. It wasn’t their job to shame you for whatever choices you made.

The bar's atmosphere was buzzing with people chatting amongst themselves. Despite being around people, you still felt completely isolated inside of it. You kept thinking of the choices in your brain over and over again. It was consuming you, and you didn’t think you were in the right state of mind to make that decision right now.

You were brought out of your thoughts when the bartender placed a glass in front of you. It was filled with some kind of alcohol that looked like it could be a margarita or a martini. Your brows furrowed at the sight of the beverage. You didn’t order it. “U-Um.. sir, I didn’t order this.” you pushed the glass towards the man behind the bar who was cleaning some cups used earlier.

“I know, but that man over there did.” he pointed towards the other end of the bar.

You turned your attention to where he was motioning his hand. Your eyes widened a little at the sight of the man who sat a few seats away from you. He had a cowboy hat on top of his head, and very long hair that stretched past his chair. He was wearing a white button up shirt that exposed his chest just a little. He noticed you were staring at him and winked at you, then waved a little. It didn’t seem creepy or strange, but you didn’t know how to react. Despite feeling the way you did, you couldn’t help but think how handsome he was. He had a cunning smile and seemed like one of those cowboys you would have heard of in stories you heard when you were younger, but you knew you couldn’t accept his drink.

Soon enough, you turned away and just pushed your drink from your reach. You didn’t want to do anything stupid. If it came off as rude, then so be it. You weren’t about to fight with another man this evening.

You decided to check your phone. There was a small bit of hope that was in your heart. You hoped that maybe your ex reached out to you to fix things or maybe had something to say, but unfortunately, there was nothing. You had a few random notifications from friends, but otherwise, it was silence on the other end. God, you felt like an idiot. He was gone for good. Men who do that shit typically fall off the face of the earth and never come back again.

“Hey, sweetheart, mind if I take this spot next to ya?”

You practically jumped out of your skin at the sudden voice that spoke beside you. Your head snapped towards the sound, and you were a bit surprised to see that man who was sitting across the bar now standing next to you. His cologne filled your nose. It smelled of deep wood with a mix of pine.

Your words got caught in your throat. Was he doing this to make you uncomfortable? Part of you wanted to ignore him, but he wasn’t necessarily doing anything wrong. “N-No! Go ahead.. it’s empty anyway..” you replied, trying to avoid his eyes that were boring holes into your face.

The man plopped beside you, taking a swig of his glass that seemed to be filled with some kind of whisky. He was quiet, at first. You weren’t sure if striking up a conversation was in your cards tonight. You were honestly too lost in your thoughts, and somewhat a little nauseated. “So, uh, do ya come around here often? You’re quite the peach if I say so myself.” he placed his cheek against his fist which was resting against the table beside him.

“I don’t..” you replied, dryly.

He seemed a little discouraged by your sudden lack of enthusiasm. It wasn’t your intention, but really, you weren’t interested. “I see.. my name’s Boothill.” he said. “Yours?”

Your eyes flickered towards him then back at the soda can that your hand was wrapped around. This was starting to feel awkward or almost like a forced conversation. You didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but you wanted him to take the hint. “(Y/N)..” you looked at your cell phone to try and avoid him. “Look.. I-I appreciate the drink, but I’m not really interested in a relationship. I just don’t.. I..”

Before you were even able to finish your sentence, tears began to trickle down your cheeks. You didn’t even know you were holding them in until they began to slip from your eyes.

Boothill was taken back by your sudden tears. He immediately felt guilt wash over him. He didn’t mean to come off as a weirdo or forceful towards you. That’s the last thing he would ever do. “Hey.. I’m sorry, shit, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I-I can totally take the drink back and get out of your hair.” he stood up out of his chair to leave the bar.

You started to wipe your cheeks of any liquid that was on them. “N-No, it’s alright, it’s not you..” you shook your head. “I’ve just had a rough couple of hours.. believe me, it’s not you at all.”

The man was unsure of what to reply with. Regardless, he felt very bad for you. Not many people come into bars to weep. Most of the time, they come to do the opposite and use the drinks to numb any negative feelings they have. He didn’t want to pry by any means. “I see.. I’m still sorry, darlin’ I had no idea..” he paused for a moment thinking of what to say next. “If you wanna talk, I’m willing to listen, can’t guarantee I’m any good at advice, but I can be an open ear.”

You weren’t sure if venting your feelings to a complete stranger would make any difference in how you felt. It's not like he would care much anyway. He would probably look at you with that same look every other person had given you when you told them what your ex did.

However, you were completely wrong.

That day you told Boothill everything that had happened to you. He was completely blown away when you confessed that you were pregnant. He kept apologizing for the drink and was somewhat worried that you felt disrespected, but you didn’t take any offense. It’s not like he knew, nor were you even showing at that point.

Although he didn’t know you, he had a lot of sympathy for you. He told you that your boyfriend wasn’t a man, but a young boy who couldn’t take responsibility for his actions and he didn’t deserve you by any means. Boothill felt as if abandoning a woman and her child was the sickest thing you could ever do in this life, and you couldn’t help but agree. Especially after spending many years together.

It felt kind of nice to have someone listen. Even if he was some random person you didn’t know, there was at least somebody out there who was willing to give you the time of day.

You felt a little dull when you realized you would probably never see Boothill again, but you thanked him many times for his patience. He was even sweet enough to walk you back to your apartment which wasn’t very far from the bar at all. Typically, you weren’t so trusting when it came to men in general, but Boothill’s energy felt secure for some reason. You didn’t feel fear or unease around him. Your body would always give you signs someone wasn’t good, but you were calm and didn’t have a single issue.

For a little while, you wondered if keeping the child was the right option, but after a lot of conversations with your friends and family, and oddly enough, Boothill, you decided to go forward with the pregnancy.

You thought you would have to do it alone, but that changed almost instantly when you started receiving random items at your doorstep one morning.

You had a stable job, but you knew babies weren’t a walk in the park financially. Your parents offered to help pay for whatever was necessary, but you felt bad for making them do such a thing. It all started to shift when you discovered a package outside your apartment door. You had a box of different supplies. Baby shampoo, baby bottles, wipes, lotions. It was basic necessities for an infant and you were a bit confused how they showed up there. You questioned your parents but they denied ordering anything of the sorts, so you wondered who gifted it to you.

Your friends were also clueless. They had gifts in mind but they weren’t planning on purchasing anything that early on in your pregnancy. You hadn’t even planned on a baby shower or anything of the sorts.

It didn’t take long for more things to arrive. One morning, you saw that you had been given some baby toys. They were small and quite cute, but you still had yet to discover who was the one leaving them at your doorstep. You wondered if it was potentially your ex trying to somehow compensate you for deserting you, but would he really? He left you alone with the baby. It was clear enough that he wasn’t interested in helping to raise it, so why put in the effort to accommodate you? He could care less about you.

It all changed when you were leaving your apartment one afternoon. You had an appointment at the doctor’s office to check on how the baby was doing, and standing right beside your front door was not your ex, but Boothill.

At first, you didn’t notice him holding a box of items in his hand, but the realization soon took over that he was the one buying the gifts. You were taken by complete surprise. The two of you had hardly interacted much during that time period, so it did confuse you why he was helping you. He wasn’t obligated to just because you informed him of what your ex did. It wasn’t like you were begging him for money or assistance either. Boothill was just as surprised to see you there too. He usually would stop by when he knew you wouldn’t be around, but he knew sooner or later the truth would come out.

With a flushed face, Boothill began to explain himself.

He told you that he just couldn’t let you go on that journey alone. He knew it wasn’t his responsibility to be buying you things or even being involved in your life like that, but at the same time, he couldn’t sleep at night knowing that you were all alone and there wasn’t anybody else to be there for you. He did apologize if it made you uncomfortable and he wouldn’t come around again if that was the case.

However, you told him the opposite. You were very thankful for what he had been doing for you. Not many men would step up and just go out of their way to buy things for a baby that wasn’t theirs. You told him you were very appreciative of what he had done, and he could come around as often as he liked. It was kind of lonely being by yourself all of the time. Your friends weren’t always the most available, and you lived on your own. It felt nice to know that somebody wanted to spend time with you. He was relieved that you weren’t weirded out or upset with his actions. He wanted to do the right thing.

Much to his surprise, you invited him to come to your ultrasound that day, and he was thrilled.

Your interactions grew over the course of a few months. You started seeing him everyday and he came around whenever you needed something. Boothill didn’t mind spending his days with you. It was a joy to watch your belly grow and to see your baby begin to become larger than it was before. His favorite moments were when he’d feel a small kick or movement. He loved kids. It was a guilty pleasure of his, and he honestly couldn’t wait to meet your baby girl. He made so many bets that it was going to be a girl and you thought he would somehow be wrong, but he was right the entire time.

Along with the baby's growth, there were also feelings between you and Boothill too. He was the first man in your life since your ex and he treated you so much better. He did everything for you, and the baby wasn’t even his. He would spend time helping you tidy up your house, holding your hair away from your face when you had morning sickness, making you tea, giving you massages whenever your body felt sore. Boothill did everything. He even offered at one point to do the entire nursery for you when your due date came closer, but you assured him that it wasn’t his duty to do so.

But, he planned on doing it anyway.

All of your friends told you to go for it. They said that Boothill was what you needed and they could tell he was into you too, but you were still unsure. If anything, he could be doing all of this just to somehow hurt you in the end or claim you “owed” him a relationship for doing everything for the baby. You knew that probably wasn’t the case, but you were still on the fence.

But, was he?

That afternoon, you had woken up from a nap to a knocking coming from your front door. You weren’t expecting any guests, but you had already assumed it was Boothill who was there to do his usual drop by to check in on you.

You unlocked the front door, pulling it open so he could enter. He was dressed in his usual outfit. A white button shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and those cowboy boots that you had made fun of a few times. Boothill was used to just entering your place at that point. “Afternoon, darlin’” he said, shutting the door behind him.

Your hair was a bit messy from your nap and you weren’t really dressed up. You wore an oversized t-shirt with a pair of shorts that sat just below your belly. It was a lot more comfortable than the regular pajamas you were used to wearing months ago, but alas, the growth of your body had made those a lot less comfortable these days. Boothill still thought you were gorgeous despite the messy look. “Hi..” you yawned. “Sorry, I’m fresh from a nap. I didn’t hear my alarm..”

“Not a problem, I was just stopping by to drop something off for you.” he replied, handing you a box that had your name on top of it.

Your eyes flickered from the box to the man who was staring down at you. You were used to him giving you random things for the baby here and there, so you were expecting something that was a necessity. “I’m curious, let me see.” you then began opening at the box to see what was inside of it.

After a few seconds, you pulled out a small blanket, but it wasn’t one that was from the store. It was actually homemade, and right in the center was the baby name you had picked out stitched into the fabric with baby pink lace. It was probably the most adorable thing you had ever received from him. It was so soft and you could already picture yourself swaddling your little girl in the blanket itself. The fact that it was homemade as well made it even more special than it already was.

You weren’t sure if it was the pregnancy emotions or not, but you could feel warm tears burning your eyes. It was truthfully making you feel so happy for this pregnancy, but most of all for Boothill. You couldn’t be more blessed with a man like him. “I-I.. I love it..” you sniffled, trying to hide your tears. “It’s so cute..”

Boothill was concerned with your sudden emotions. He didn’t mean to make you cry. If anything, he wanted to do something special for you since you were a special person in his life. “Ahh.. shit, I’m sorry, lovely, is it too much?” he asked, nodding his head.

You shook your head, laughing in the process to try and halt the tears slipping through your eyes. It was the furthest thing from too much. You adored it. You didn’t care if the stitching was a little crooked or if the pink was somewhat bright, it was cute. It had to be one of the best gifts you had ever gotten. “N-No! I love it! It’s something I wouldn’t have imagined you’d give me! Did you do it all on your own?” you looked up at him with an eyebrow raised.

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Haha.. yeah, that’s why it might seem a little messy. I got the idea though and figured why not? You need something to swaddle that little monster with!” he smiled, which made you smile as well.

Boothill was taken back when he suddenly felt your arms wrap around him. This was the first time you had ever initiated any sort of physical contact with him, and he wasn’t sure how to react to it. Your body felt warm and your belly was against his own abdomen. He could smell the scent of your shampoo lingering in your hair, and it almost intoxicated him from how delicious it smelled. He hesitated for a brief moment, then settled his own arms around your waist. It just felt.. so right to be hugging you. He had yearned for quite a while to feel your touch, and now that he had it, he wasn’t going to let the opportunity slip through his fingers.

Your cheeks felt hot at the realization that you two were so close. There was so much going through your mind at the moment, and all you craved was him. His presence, his touch, his warmth, anything. It was all you wanted. “Boothill.. I want you there when she’s born..” you spoke, softly. “I want you by my side.. you deserve that more than anybody else.”

His eyes grew wide at your words. Sure, he knew he was going to visit when your baby was finally born, but in the room? During the birth? Oh, he could faint right about now. “Of course I’ll be there, sugar. You know I wouldn’t miss it.” he replied, smiling at the thought of your birth.

Boothill then crouched down to meet your belly. He hadn’t ever done that before while being with you. You felt his hands touch your stomach, seemingly searching for your little girl who was somewhere in there. It felt so natural for him to be doing this. You didn’t feel off or weirded out. You loved the way his fingers explored your skin, touching and grazing at the stretch marks that had formed within time, but what you loved the most, was him.

“Can’t wait to meet your little one.. she’ll be a peach, I know it.” he looked up at you with a grin.

“Our.. little one.”

Boothill paused when the words slipped from your lips. He thought he had misheard you for a second. “W-What..?” his brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

You felt a little bashful having to repeat yourself. You weren’t sure what his reaction might be to you saying such a thing, but you couldn’t keep quiet anymore about your feelings. You wanted him involved in your daughter’s life so badly. It would kill you inside if that wasn’t the case. “O-Our.. baby, Boothill.” you said, avoiding his gaze that was fixed on you.

He stood up, still staring at your face with a serious expression. It was like his heart had completely blown up inside of his chest. It was like he was falling in love with you all over again at that very moment. He couldn’t feel more honored that you thought of him that way. “You’re serious..?” he questioned, looking into your eyes.

“Y-Yes.. god, yes, Boothill. I don’t care if she’s not technically yours.. in the end, I want you in her life, and mine too. I can’t imagine a life without you..” you whispered, intertwining your fingers with his.

He couldn’t hide his wide smile at your confession. All of the love he had swallowed down was now completely overflowing, and he didn’t mind whatsoever. You were so beautiful. He adored you so much, and he was more than happy to call you his girlfriend. He was also thrilled to have a daughter. He could care less if people would judge him for raising a child that wasn’t his. He was more of a father to her than any other man would be.

He suddenly pulled you close to him, pressing a kiss onto your lips. It was so passionate and loving. He couldn’t stop himself. It was like he was finally able to have what he wanted, and it felt amazing. “I love you so much, darling, you don’t even know how deep my love runs for you..” he pressed his forehead against your own. “I’d die for you and our little angel..”

A grin appeared on your face. This was all you ever wanted to hear. You didn’t think you would ever have the opportunity to hear him say such things, but you couldn’t be happier it was coming true. “I love you more, Boothill.” you then placed his hand on your belly. “And I know she does too..”

The both of you couldn’t be more excited at that moment. It was all perfect. You had everything you ever wanted. Neither of you imagined that this life would be in front of you now, but you wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

#·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ official work !#boothill x reader #boothill x you #boothill x y/n #boothill fluff #boothill fanfiction #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you #star rail x reader #star rail x you #hsr x reader #hsr x you #hsr x y/n #hsr fluff #star rail fluff #honkai star rail fluff #honkai star rail fanfiction #hsr fanfic

257 notes · View notes

rikstar · 1 day

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˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ Paper hearts ! NSH.R

Synopsis ୨୧ In which you've kept receiving Paper hearts in your locker with little messages written on it by a Person who goes by "R". Little did you know that they're from the Japanese Transfer student who always sits in the back of your class , keeping to himself.

Contains ୨୧ Highschool!Au, Riki can't express his emotions well, Reader is imagined to be shorter than him and dressing hyperfeminine, Family issues Crying , Romance , kissing

Wc ୨୧ 4.1k

(A/n) : not proofread so there will be grammatical errors. Comments, likes and reblogs are appreciated 💗

"Another one?", you quietly mumbled under your breath — a pink heart shaped piece of paper falling out of your locker as you opened it. You crouched to pick it up , turning it around and smiling softly to yourself as you read the message.

"Remember to drink some water today , make sure to eat some good food as well. Stay healthy - R"

In the beginning , when this all started , you felt a little creeped out — yes , the messages were cute but they were also implying that this person was watching you. They could be some creepy stalker , but they could also be someone who was just genuinely too shy to talk to you , so you just kept your guard up. It's been around 5 Months since you've started to receive those paper hearts , mostly having a message written on them and sometimes they were just empty — it's something small , but it was something you grew to look forward to. But who was this Person?

With a smile tugged on your lips , you put the paper hearts into the front pocket of your bag , making sure they won't get demolished before you took your books out of the locker and closing it. A small gasp escaped your lips as you turned around , being met by a chest right in front of your face as you almost bumped into them — looking up to see a pair of cold dark eyes staring into your soul , a shiver running down your spine. "Sorry...", you mumbled slightly embarrassed , a hum coming from them as you stepped to the side and let them access to their own locker.

You eyed him with a puzzled look before shaking your head and quickly making your way to your classroom. Nishimura Riki , he was like a riddle for you — he never talked to anyone in your class , he was quiet and kept to himself , he always had that intense glare in his eyes as if he doesn't want anyone to approach him. The only people he'd talk to were Taki and Maki — Taki from your parallel class and Maki who was a year under you. You couldn't read him at all , he was just so.... mysterious and intimidating.

You quietly greeted your classmates with a smile as you stepped into your classroom ,some of your classmates already being there as you made your way to your seat in the front — the bows in your hair bouncing with each step you took followed by the sounds of the keychains on your bag jingling. Riki soon followed after you , his headphones around his neck — putting them back on without uttering a word as your classmates greeted him to which he just nodded before plopping down on his seat in the back by the window. It was like , as if he wasn't even there.

"You're not going to eat lunch with us? But we have an one hour break! You'll have enough time to study after eating something", your friend tried to persuade you , her hand resting on your arm but you shook your head with a small smile. "I'll eat plenty after school , I really need to study for this upcoming exam so I should use my free time to do so", your friend just sighed at your response , her hand sliding off your arm. "Alright... but if you do choose to eat something , you know where to find us".

The library was quiet and almost empty as you entered it , looking around a little to find a spot and you swore you saw a familiar tuff of hair in the corner — black hair that appeared blue when the sun shone down on it , but you quickly shook your head, why would Riki be in here? He never really studied for the exams yet always aced them without much effort. You went to your signature spot and immediately started to study for the upcoming exam , being so focused that you failed to notice a pair of eyes watching you.

His eyes were intensively staring at you , his hand lifting the manga he was reading a little more up to make it seem like he was reading when he was actually busy staring at you. He felt like a creep , but you were just so pretty in his eyes , like a piece of art that pulled him into a trance. A small smile tugged on the corners of his lips as he watched the way your eyebrows furrowed , chewing on your pen as you tried to study all by yourself — that smile turned into a sad one , you always worked so hard , too hard. He wished he had he courage to approach you , but it always felt like as if he was losing the ability to speak or form proper sentences whenever you stood in front of him , just like this morning. A small sigh left his lips , pondering about what to do before he reached into his bag , a pink piece of paper in his hand — tearing it into a heart shape before he got his pen out and started to write something down.

He looked up one last time , making sure you weren't seeing him before he quickly disappeared into the hallways. His feet carried him to the snack machine with long struts , looking at all the different snacks to see what you might like and praying that he made the right pick — pressing the number and inserting coins into the coin slot , bending down to reach into the compartment and taking out the bar of chocolate. He would have done his usual routine , walking to the lockers , pretend to be on his own locker that was conveniently right above yours and secretly slipping the paper heart into your locker — but since the chocolate bar was too big for the slot , he opted to putting the note with the chocolate bar on your desk. Luckily , no one was in the classroom so no one will ever find out that it was him — quickly walking out of the classroom and going to look for his friends.

"Hm? Another one?", you mumbled as you saw the familiar paper heart on your desk, this time , with a chocolate bar — just what you needed. You gently picked up the note , your heart swelling as you read the message.

"I don't want to see you skipping lunch again , it's important to eat. Please stay healthy and also make sure to drink enough today :( - R"

Your curiosity only grew as you wanted to know who this person was , a small smile growing on your face as you sat down and unpacked the chocolate bar , letting the sweet treat melt on your taste buds as you chewed on it. Unbeknownst to you, Riki was looking at you through the open door as he walked past the classroom with Taki and Maki , a faint smile visible on his face.

You shivered as you sat on the swing on the empty playground, the moon shining down on you in the cold night — cursing to yourself for not bringing a jacket with you. Another fight with your parents and obviously , it was school related , like always — your parents only seemed to care about your grades , nothing else. Not knowing what to do after the fight , you just escaped even though you knew that you'd get another earful for going out late at night , but you didn't care as long as you got a little bit of freedom.

Your eyes were just looking ahead of you, spacing out as you enjoyed the night — until someone appeared in front of you , waving their hand in front of your face. You quickly snapped out of it , your eyes trailing up until you were met with their face , Riki? The two of you stared at each other until Riki awkwardly cleared his throat , looking to the side to find anything he could look at while his hands were nonchalantly tugged in his pockets. "So uhm.... what are you doing here at this time?", Riki mumbled , his voice so quiet that you almost didn't hear him. "Just enjoying the night..", you replied with a small smile , this was the first time he was actually talking with you. "Doesn't seem like that , something is bothering you", his reply surprised you , were you that obvious? The sand underneath Riki's feet made faint sounds as he walked over to the other swing , sitting down on it with his feet on the sand while yours were dangling a little above it.

"Why are you even out so late? It's almost 11pm", your voice was soft as you asked him, titling your head a little to look at him while your hands were holding onto the cold chains of the swing. "I got hungry and wanted a little snack , but don't switch topics", Riki replied , shaking the pocket of his jacket a little and you could hear the sound of plastic rustling. His eyes were intensively staring at you , sending shivers down your spine as they were almost piercing through you. "It's nothing much , really. My parents just bothered me again because of my grades", you gaze was fixated down to the sand , mindlessly leaning your foot down and drawing little patterns in the sand. "Your grades? But they're literally just straight A's ? Is that why you're always studying during lunch break?", he knew? You looked back up to him with a puzzled expression , his face emotionless until he realized his slip up and coughed a little. "Well I mean, I never see you during lunch break so I just guessed..", his voice trailed off a little , his gaze moving away from yours.

"But seriously , your grades are practically perfect", upon hearing his reply , you just sighed and shook your head. "Apparently not good enough", you could hear him muttering "ridiculous" under his breath , the sound of a plastic bag being opened rang in your ears , said plastic bag being held out to you with a small shake. "Want some?"

"Sure , thank you"

Ever since then , Riki started to talk more with you ,sometimes even keeping you company while you were studying during lunch break since in his words "it must be lonely to study all alone while everyone is eating". You've learned to realize that Riki wasn't like you thought , he just couldn't express himself well — he wasn't cold or emotionless , he liked to keep to himself because of shit that happened back when he was younger and blindly trusting people , he liked to play basketball and soccer , he held a strong affection towards cats and liked to microwave his strawberries. He was strange but in an endearing way.

"Don't you think that you've studied enough? You need to eat at least something", Riki asked as he had his chopsticks in his mouth , nudging his head a little towards your text book, sitting across from you. "It's fine , I'm not really hu—", as if on cue , your stomach grumbled making the two of you stare at each other in silence until he let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head a little as he slid his bento box in the middle. He picked up a small rice ball with his chopsticks , his other hand cupped underneath in case the rice ball would slip between the two sticks and drop down as he guided it towards you. "Open your mouth", he mumbled , the rice ball right in front of your mouth , your lips parting as you leaned your head a little forward and took the rice ball into your mouth — and god did it taste good.

"My mom makes the best food", he grinned slightly , watching as you did your little happy dance while eating the ball of rice while humming to yourself. "It really does taste good ..", You replied , your eyes gazing at this bento box, seeing him moving the bento box closer to you and holding his chopsticks out. "Have the rest of it , I don't really eat much", you gave him a bright smile followed by a small thank you , grabbing his chopsticks and digging into bento box. He watched you a little , his chin resting on the palm of his face before he looked away , a small blush spreading through his cheeks — you looked so adorable doing your little happy dance while eating and you ate from his chopsticks, his chopsticks that he previously had in his mouth making it an indirect kiss. An indirect kiss... Riki smiled a little to himself , internally kicking his feet and twirling his hair.

"Tell your mom that she's a good cook , I'm so full now", you patted your belly a little , your belly now filled and happy with the delicious food Riki let you eat — a small chuckled coming from Riki as he nodded and hummed before the bell rang. "Let's go", Riki nudged his head a little , signaling for you to grab your stuff as he stood up.

"Wait , I need to go to my locker", Riki stopped in his tracks , turning his body a little to watch as you opened your lockers , his heart fluttering when he saw the smile spreading on your face as you spotted the note he left while he was gone "using the toilet" but he was actually writing and slipping another note in your locker — where his notes really making you that happy?

"I'm proud of you..", you muttered under your breath as you read the note , your heart getting warmer — if only your parents would say the same to you. You quickly slipped the note into your pocket to keep it secure , putting your text books into the locker before the two of you went back to class.

Your hands were shaking as you received your test back , your parents are going to be so mad at you. You felt the tears starting to well up in your eyes , sure , a C+ was a dream for others but for you , it would mean hell. Riki observed you from the back , his eyebrows a little furrowed in worry as he saw the way your hands were shaking and how you put the piece of paper on your table in a defeated way. He could see the fat "C+" written on your paper , wasn't that good? But from what you told him , your parents were really strict when it came to academics, but he didn't know that they were so strict that it left you trembling like that.

How he wished he could just hug you , but he didn't had the courage to do so. The teacher momentarily left the classroom to copy something , she'd be back in 15 minutes considering the printer was all the way on the other side — his feet carrying him over to you. His hand came in contact with your shoulder , hesitantly rubbing your shoulder gently as he crouched down next to your seat so he could see your face. Your hair was covering your face a little , his hand moving without thinking as he tucked the strands of hair behind your ear. "Please don't cry.. it's going to be okay", Riki mumbled , your eyes widening a little as his thumb rubbed against your cheek, wiping away the tears that started to roll down your cheek without you realizing. "They're going to be so mad..", you whispered , closing your eyes to stop yourself from crying while Riki gently wiped your tears away. "Do you.. want to go to my place after school? So you can be a little distracted ..?", Riki offered , your breath hitching a little by his offer. Honestly , it sounded nice but your parents might get even more mad if you don't go back home after school immediately.

"Do you think they'll buy the lie?", You asked with a small sigh , feeling bad about lying to your parents but you really needed that distraction before all hell would break down on you — lying to your parents that you'd be going to the library to study more. "Of course they will , don't worry too much", Riki replied , glancing down at you , his arm bend back over his shoulder ,the strap of his bag hanging off his hand as his bag occasionally bumped against his back. His house wasn't far from the school , already reaching his home after 10 minutes — this was the first time you'd be at his place or even hanging out after school , realizing that his house was right across the playground.

He unlocked the door and held it open for you , stepping in after you and taking his shoes off as he loudly talked in his mother tongue — right , you forgot that he was Japanese. You followed after him and greeted his mother who was sitting on the couch with two other girls , greeting them as well with a shy smile before following Riki to his room. His room was surprisingly clean , there were a couple skateboards hung on his white wall, some posters off basketball players hanging on his wall , his bed was right by the window and pretty huge. He also had a gaming pc on his desk , a couch in front of the end of his bed and a TV hanging on his wall.

"Feel free to sit wherever you want", Riki said as he saw you looking around his room , seemingly looking calm but he felt like as if his heart was about to burst right out of his chest. "Okay..", you set your bag down and moved to sit on his bed , jumping a little as something popped up from the couch , a dog? The dog was curiously looking at you , it's tail wagging behind it as it was standing up on the couch with its front paws on the edge of it. "Ah , there you are Bisco", Riki walked over to the couch , picking Bisco up and setting the small dog down on the bed. The dog sniffed you a little before licking your hand which made you giggle. "Is it a girl or a boy?", You asked with a soft smile on your face as you gently pat the dog , looking up to see Riki just staring with a puzzled look. "ehh yeaaah let me ask my mom real quick", his reply made you giggle , he didn't know what gender his dog was? "I think a girl.... or a boy? Or was Bisco a girl..?", Riki mumbled a little before shaking his head. "Doesn't matter , Bisco is Bisco".

The next hours went by so quickly that it felt like as if only 10 minutes passed by the time it was 7pm, you wished you could stop the time. You didn't want to go back home yet but you knew that you needed. "You know ... you can call me if anything happens , i'm here for you", Riki said as he looked down to you , running a hand through his hair as stood by the door to his goodbyes to you. "I know , thank you. Also , thank you for inviting me over and distracting me", you smiled at him , your smile so pretty to him that he was almost swept away , mumbling a quiet "No problem".

His eyebrow twitched as he glared at the front , his glare so piercing that it could kill. "What the actual fuck" was what Riki thought as he watched that Ricky dude talking to you , pretending that he was the one slipping the heart shaped notes into your locker. What a scam. If he could , he would just go over to you and tell you that it was him and not Ricky — but he couldn't , he didn't had the courage to. Why was he such a wimp? He grumbled to himself a little , finally having enough when he saw that Ricky was about to your arm as he walked over to you. "Sorry , gotta steal her for second", Riki grumbled , taking your hand and dragging you away from Ricky. "Is something wrong?", You asked Riki , he never acted like that , worried that you did something wrong.

"It's nothing , I just feel icky with him around you. He's bad news", You titled your head a little at his reasoning , shaking your head with a small giggle. "Don't be silly , he was the one writing those sweet notes to me. He can't be bad news", Riki let out a harsh sigh , feeling a little frustrated. "No , he's not the one. I saw who put the notes in your locker and it certainly was not Ricky". "What? Then why have you never told me?". "Because they want to keep their identity hidden until they're ready to reveal themself to you", you nodded at his words a little , glancing back to Ricky with an unsure look. Why would he lie to you like that?

"Alright , thanks for telling me", you looked up to him , a small smile on your face before you froze slightly — Riki stepped closer to you , his hands reaching to your head as he fixed your ribbons. "Your Ribbons were getting loose".

Riki finally made his mind up , he clearly was having some competition with this guy — he decided to put his big boy pants on and finally reveal himself and confess to you. He quickly reached into his bag , tearing another pink note into a heart shape and quickly writing something down before secretly slipping it into your locker as he was pretending to do something on his own.

His heart was pounding as he did that , he just hoped that you would come.

"Meet me by the cherry blossom tree after school :) - R"

Was it finally happening ? Where you finally going to meet the person behind all the notes? Your heart was pounding with anticipation as you got closer to the cherry blossom tree , trying to see if anyone was there yet. Pink petals of the cherry blossom tree were dancing around in the air as you finally reached it , looking around to see if anyone was coming until a hand touched your shoulder. Before you could turn around , they covered your eyes. "You came..", his voice was deep and familiar , your breath hitching slightly — was this Riki..?

It has to be Riki , no one else you knew had a voice that deep and wore the same cologne that was lingering in the air but before you could utter anther word, he shushed you. "I'm sorry for keeping this from you.. I'm not the best at expressing myself. (Y/n), i fell in love with you. You always seemed so intimidated by me so I was afraid that I'd scare you off if I had approached you just like that ; so I started to leave notes in your locker. Every compliment , every reminder , everything i've said , I mean them. Word for word. I'm sorry that I didn't had the courage to straight up tell you , I was scared that I'd fumble with my words and mess everything up", he slowly removed his hand from your eyes , letting you turn around.

Your heart was pounding as you looked up to him , your cheeks getting warmer as you saw the soft flush spreading through his cheeks, his eyes lovingly gazing down to you. "Do you mean it? What pushed you to suddenly reveal yourself to me now?", your voice was soft as you spoke , almost as soft as the soft pink petals from the cherry blossom tree. "I mean it , everything. That Ricky guy... something in me snapped when he pretended like as if he was the one behind all the notes. I guess that was the push that I needed , I was afraid that he would take you from me without giving me a chance to at least confess to you".

"You're so silly. Even if it would've been Ricky , I would've still chosen you. I'm saying that I feel the same , ever since we've been getting closer , I've realized that I was starting to fall for you as well", a soft smile grazed your lips , your words shooting cupid arrows right into his heart with the way it fluttered . "Can I ... kiss you?", his question was slightly hesitant , unsure if he was going too fast or not but he couldn't help himself , relief washing over him when you nodded.

His fingers found their way to your chin , gently titling your head up as he stepped closer and leaned his head down — your hands holding onto his arms to keep yourself balanced as sparks exploded in your belly. His lips were so soft and gentle , kissing you so softly that it was almost featherlight. Your lips were still tingling as he pulled away , his lips a little glossy from your strawberry lip gloss.

"You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, I will never stop leaving those notes in your locker"

286 notes · View notes

torialefay · 2 days

Text

"Regardless of That Fucking Assignment..." 📝

professor!seungmin x fem!student!reader smut 🔞

✨ synopsis: you tried to be professional after being selected for a position under the hottest professor on your univeristy’s campus. turns out, the professor doesn’t give a fuck about “professional.”

✨ warnings: this piece, although consensual, does revolve around a morally grey area. this is strictly fictional work, and should only be considered as such. contains a lot of roleplaying that is not appropriate for everyday life. I do not condone any acts that are represented in this fic. this is strictly fictional work, and should only be considered as such. ; unprotected sex, semi-public sex, slight breath play

Dr. Kim was easily the hottest professor at your university. Young, handsome, and intelligent were the perfect recipe for quickly becoming your favorite classes to go to.

Thankful that he actually taught courses for your major, people outside of it would still sign up just to see him. Well, more like fawn over him, in hopes that he would somehow notice and fall for them, like the clichés they’d seen in movies. It was a bit annoying, considering you’d have to make sure to register early for his classes, but you didn’t mind as long as you got your spot. It made your performance in his class look better in comparison at least.

You’d always performed well in his classes, but you always felt a bit behind. You’d considered asking for his opinion on who would be best to go to for tutoring, but you didn’t want to get flustered in front of him. You surely didn’t want him to think you were struggling in his classes because it was hard to pay attention to anything but him… But ultimately, that was the truth.

Which is why you were very surprised one day to receive an email saying that you’d been selected for the fellowship you applied for… with Dr. Kim as the head.

“Hello, Dr. Kim,” you said nervously after knocking and peaking your head into his office.

He was relaxed, seated behind his large mahogany desk with a plaque on the front ordained with the inscription “Dr. Kim Seungmin.” He’d had a pen in one hand while holding his chin with the other, lost in thought.

“Ahh, y/n. Come on in and take a seat,” he smiled, lifting his head out of his hands and gingerly resting the pen onto the paper underneath it.

You shyly opened the door wider in front of you, just enough so that you could glide through and carefully close it.

Afterwards, you smoothed your skirt down around your thighs and crossed the short space of the room before seating yourself in one of the nice, leather-backed chairs that he had placed neatly in front of his desk.

“I’m glad you could meet with me on such short notice,” he said warmly, looking you in the eyes.

You couldn’t help but blush a little. Even if you’d had around a hundred lectures with him under your belt, it was nothing like the one-on-one conversation you were having now. Butterflies crept up into your stomach that you quickly tried to shoot back down. If you were going to work with this man on a fellowship project for the next year, you were going to have to learn to set those feelings aside… starting now.

“Yes, of course,” you said formally. “I’m very thankful and excited that I was chosen for this position. It really does mean a lot to me, so thank you for giving me this opportunity,” you smiled back, hiding any nerves that you may have had.

Dr. Kim chuckled a bit. “No need to thank me. You’re a great student. I’m always happy to see your work. You have a lot of great ideas, you know? I don’t say that many students challenge me to think about things in a different way, but you’re… different. Very different,” he smirked.

You automatically felt your face flush. ‘Surely this will get easier with time,’ you reassured yourself, taking a deep breath as nonchalantly as possible.

“Oh really?” you began, calming your voice. “I do get worried sometimes that maybe people could find my work a bit… unconventional?” you raised an eyebrow, trying not to falter.

“Good thing I’ve never been the conventional type,” he winked as he smiled, looking down directly after to grab the paper sitting next to him.

‘Did he? Did he just?…’ your mind began running. ‘Surely he didn’t mean it like… No, there’s no way. That’s just his personality. He’s witty. Of course he’d play around like that. He’s just cool, calm down.’ You tried your best not to let your internal freak out show on your exterior.

“So,” he started, looking back up to you, “give me your ideas. Obviously on your application, you threw out quite a few interesting ones. As long as I agree, we can work on whatever you’d like this year.”

“Hmm, well…” you began before running through your list of ideas with him. You had one proposal that you’d been fixated on, but it would require a lot of effort and attention, and you weren’t sure about the logistics of it working out. It would required a lot of time from the professor as well, so you’d almost nixed it altogether. Something about it just kept coming back though, you you figured you’d at least mention it along with the plethora of other ideas that had been rattling around.

“Woah, woah- stop right there,” Dr. Kim put his hands out, preventing you from continuing on to another point. “That’s really good,” he nodded his head. “I’ve read up on so much, paper after paper. But no one’s ever done that before.” He sucked in his cheeks as he continued to lightly nod and fixate his eyes off into the distance. “That’s smart… that’s really really smart.” He smiled, bringing his eyes back to yours now. “I knew I chose the right one. You're really impressive."

"Ohh no," you said, blushing with a smile as you waved your hand in disagreeance.

"What, you don't think so?" He teased, leaned back in his seat. "Why's that?"

"I'm just really interested in it is all. It's not that I'm special."

"Ahh," he nodded, understanding. "Well, I disagree. I noticed you the very first class. I even remember what you were wearing."

The sudden comment had you taken aback. "Really?" you asked, wide-eyed.

"Of course. You're quite memorable."

Your heart kept speeding up in your chest. 'Calm down. Calm down.'

"Come on, Dr. Kim, you don't need to say all that," you tried to play it off. "I appreciate building my confidence up, but I will always try to work harder," you finished with a solid nod.

He stilled for a moment as if contemplating his words. "Oh really? Work harder?"

“Well… of course?” your voice carried up, confused on why that was such a notable statement. “I could always be doing better in your class.”

Dr. Kim nodded. “Mmm, I guess that’s true. Tell me, y/n, whose class is your favorite? You can be honest with me. I’m just curious to know.” He cocked a brow.

“Hmm…” your eyes darted up as you began to think. “I’m not saying this to be facetious, but I really *do enjoy coming to your lectures. Dr. Pramal’s lectures have been very good recently as well.

He giggled. “Dr. Pramal? Come onnn, he basically wear a toupee. My classes have to be at least a little more fun than his.”

“I don’t know,” you smiled, “He tells a lot of dad jokes. He may give you a run for your money.” You raised your brows are his daringly.

“Ahh, okay. Dad jokes. I’ll have to remember that. That’ll get me some brownie points then huh?”

“It just might,” you shrugged. “I think the class would really enjoy it.”

A smug smirk came over his face. “I didn’t mean brownie points with the class. I meant brownie points with you.”

“Ohh,” you blushed, looking down. There was no way, you thought, that he meant the words the way that they were coming across. But it did fluster you anyways. “But I guess… haha yeah, I guess maybe that’d put you ahead of Dr. Pramal… maybe.”

Lighthearted. This was the way to go, you thought.

“Playing hard to get… I see how it is,” he grinned ear to ear.

“Hey, we’ve gotta see how good those jokes are first!”

“Alright, fair enough. I’ll get some good ones prepared for next time. Just for you.”

At that moment, there was no denying it anymore. There was no way, unless he was absolutely toying with you, that he’d be making all of these advances without realizing. You were sure he knew that almost every person was crushing on him, so you weren’t sure if he was just trying to play around, but either way, you knew that if you had been standing, your knees would have already buckled and given in. There was no going back now.

“Well,” you began, “since I shared my opinion, I think it’s only fair for you to tell me which classes are your favorites to teach?” You felt bolder now. More confident.

“Hmm… I wouldn’t say that I have any one favorite. They all have their pros and cons… but right now,” he tapped his pen on the table, “maybe I prefer the ones that you’re in. It always makes my day a bit better, but the classes go by so quickly.”

“So you decided giving me this position would be a good solution?” You giggled, leaning into the fantasy unfolding in front you.

“Absolutely not,” he stood with a smirk, gingerly beginning to walk behind where you were seated. “Excuse the language, but you’re fucking brilliant. It’s why I was so drawn to you... Having you on was a unanimous decision by the board.” He leaned down behind you until he was hovering just next to your ear. “But this…” he breathed out. “This is just a bonus.”

He took one hand to gently brush your hair over the opposite shoulder, making sure the area beneath him was open and exposed. He slowly let his fingers trail along your back until they rested on your shoulder, only for a split second, before sneaking lightly to trace along the lines of your collar bone. You could hear deep breaths coming from his throat.

“Tell me you don’t want it, and I’ll stop…” he whispered lowly.

Your head clouded. Never in your wildest dreams did you imagine any of this. You wanted this, didn’t you? Yes, you wanted this.

But how would it affect your future? What if someone found out?

His hot breath hitting your ear drowned out any hesitancy you could have had. ‘Fuck it.’

“Don’t stop,” you whispered back, feeling shy, but excitement leaking out of you nonetheless.

He slowly let his lips find their way to your shoulder, planting the lightest kiss you’d ever felt, as if he was testing out the waters. As you began to get chills, he slowly began trailing kisses across your collarbone and to your neck, taking time there so gently suck. Nothing too crazy. Nothing too harsh. He wanted no evidence left behind. No emotions involved.

And that is exactly what you believed. Before he leaned in to kiss you.

His arm reached to rotate your shoulders towards him as he brought his lips to yours. The passion he poured in was immaculate. Like he’d been hungry for weeks. He tugged at your bottom lip with his teeth, asking permission to go even deeper.

Without breaking the kiss, the walked around to the front of the chair, holding your head steady for him the entire way. Once he reached his destination, you let his tongue find its way into your mouth. He started with light circles around your own until he was quickly moaning into you. The desperate sounds leaving his mouth had you echoing, making you squirm even more.

You could feel yourself growing more and more wet with each second. Swallowing in every last moment, you basked in the bliss of it all, but you couldn’t help but to want more.

He smiled as he realized how worked up you were getting. Resting one hand on your cheek and the other around to the small of your back, he guided you up until you were standing.

He slowly waltzed you around, never breaking the contact with your mouth. As the moans grew heavier and heavier, you slowly began to push yourself up and onto his leg, needing any sort of friction possible.

He took that as his cue to extend his thigh out for you, running his hands down to hold your ass before rubbing it harshly.

You winced at the new pressure as you slowly began to push yourself up and down on his thigh, losing your breath at how good it felt.

The scene in front of him was quickly getting too much to handle. You knew from the growing hard on that you felt each time your leg hiked higher.

As he groaned loudly, he pulled his lips from yours and yanked your body into his, separating any centimeter of space that could have existed.

You let out a low whine in response as his lips went back to your neck, nibbling away as you fucked yourself onto him. His fingers burrowed into your hair as he went, encouraging you to go faster.

You reveled in the way your clit was engorged now, making sure to hit just high enough with every thrust. And as he began to pant more heavily, Dr. Kim moved his thigh up and down for you, adding to the intensity that you felt.

“Oh fuckkkk,” you let out when things were getting too much to bear.

The sweet sounds coming out of you were too much for him. Abruptly, he pulled his lips from your neck, taking hold of your head to bring it eye level with his. He stared into you like he now owned you. “You can’t tell anyone about this. Promise me,” he demanded, rutting his leg up into you, forcing you to take it as he watched..

“I promise,” you breathed out, grappling to his chest as your eyes rolled back, about to reach your high.

“Feels that good?” He chuckled, planting a harsh smack to your ass.

“Oh fuck,” you winced, loving the roughness he was giving you. Your face flew into his chest. “It feels so fucking good. Harder… please.”

“Harder?” His voice was raised now.

In any normal situation, you would have been worried that someone would hear. But in this moment, you couldn’t have given a fuck if you tried.

Another smack left you dripping through your panties. “Fu-u-u-ck,” you cried. You knew you wouldn’t last much longer. You held onto him tightly as the knot in your stomach formed. “Keep going, keep going,” you whimpered out, chasing your release.

You heard him grunt as he began thrusting harshly, as quickly as he could, into your cunt. Although you couldn’t see his face, you knew he was enjoying every last second.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” you let out lowly as your clit throbbed in just the right way. The warmth got to be too much. The thrusts were too much, and suddenly, you lost it.

Flailing out all over him, you tried your best to cling on and ride out your high. The sexual tension that had been pent up for so long had finally spilled out- hard. You began shaking and crying out into him, not caring if you were too loud now or if anyone heard.

Once it was beginning to be too much, you pulled off, shaking and pushing him back. You were sure you couldn’t take one more second without passing out.

He took the opportunity of being separated from you to make the few strides toward his door to lock it. You couldn’t believe that you’d completely disregarded that once you’d been caught up in the moment.

Catching your breath, you turned around to grip onto his desk, holding yourself up with your arms. You were able to get a few deep breaths in until the professor returned behind you, pulling your ass toward him.

“Fuck,” he smiled, gripping your hips and squeezing, letting your ass push against his clothed dick. “That was so fucking beautiful.”

All you could do was moan in response, rolling your hips around. Although your heart had had a few seconds to calm down, you could feel it speeding right back up.

As he massaged you with his hands, he continued letting his thoughts turn into words. “Now I want to know how beautiful you’d look on my dick. Getting fucked right into this desk. Will you let me?” His hands ran up and down between your hips and your ass, rubbing you lightly. Almost as if he was… cherishing you?

“Mmhmm,” was all you could get out, still trying to fully recover.

“I need to hear you say it,” he barked back. “I need to hear you say yes. Say that you want this.”

“Yes, Dr. Kim,” you breathed out as harshly as you could, your response landing you another smack on the ass as he brought his hand to the back of your head to push it onto the desk and have you perfectly bent over for him.

He wasted no time, undoing his belt and letting his trousers fall to the ground, quickly pulling his cock out from his boxers to let it spring up and hit him.

He hastily threw the bottom of your skirt over your ass to reveal your panties underneath, completely soaked in the middle from the time you’d just had.

“Goddamn,” he chuckled. “All of this for me?” He rubbed his thumb up and down your slit, causing you to wince, before ripping your panties to the side. It caused them to partially rip, not that you minded. “Even prettier than I could have imagined,” he said, licking his lips and staring down at your pussy. “Fuck.”

He took one hand from you long enough to spit in it and bring it down to stroke his hardened cock. He moaned the slightest bit, touching himself while thinking of what was to come.

Using one hand to hold you down and the other to steady as he lined himself up at your entrance, he pushed in slowly, letting himself enjoy the feeling of your pussy stretching around him. He savored every last centimeter that he could get inside of you before bottoming out. A large breath escaped his lungs as he tried to stabilize himself. It was all too much of a sight to behold.

Pushing you into the table harder, he inched his way out before thrusting back in, trying to warm you up to him.

You couldn’t deny how delicious it felt. He was bigger than you were used to, and the way he had you pressed down was taking your breath away. You tingled head to toe from the sensation. It was better than anything you could have dreamed up in class- a few thrusts of his dick inside of you, and you could already confirm.

He picked up his speed inside of you as you let out a whimper, already feeling like you’d taken much more than he could give.

He railed into you relentlessly, letting out gutteral grunts and moans with each snap of his hips into yours. The sounds of it were lewd, but it only added to how you felt.

“Ahh fuck, you feel so fucking good,” he growled lowly, trying to focus enough so that he wouldn’t cum right away. “You’re taking it so fucking well.” He moved a hand up to your hair to form a pony tail that he could pull back on. “Don’t you think so?” he yelled, pulling your hair slightly back.

Surprised, you yelped, which only turned him on more. “Yes, Dr. Kim,” you managed to get out between shallow breaths. You didn’t know how much more you could take.

“You like it when your professor fucks you, don’t you? You always wanted to be used by me, huh?” he teased, thrusting into you even faster, tighter hold on your hair.

“Yes- yes, I love it,” you strained.

Something in him must have ticked because before you could process what was happening, you had been pulled up by your hair so that your back was arched, torso now fully upright. The professor now had a hold on your hair, but all the way around your waist as well to hold you up.

You felt yourself choke on your own throat from how far back your head had been tilted. The iron grab you felt from him behind you hinted that this would be something you’d have to get used to. He chuckled as you gasped for air, beginning to pound into you harder.

He admired the way you looked for him. Perfect ass slapping against him at every thrust. Your body contorted in the most unnatural shape, just because he willed it. Your face red from the blood rushing around. So perfectly behaved for him. Letting him do whatever he wanted. So willing to give it all up. He couldn’t fucking stand it anymore.

Relentlessly he growled, fucking into you harder than he had before. He could feel the sweat seeping from his brow, but it didn’t hinder him. All that mattered in this moment was using you until he couldn’t stand anymore. Each thrust into your tight pussy brought him closer and closer.

It was the hardest you’d ever been fucked. You were past the point of return. After moaning harder than you’d ever thought possible, you were officially fucked out. He kept hitting the same perfect spot over and over until all you could do was cry out and gasp for air. No thoughts anymore, just needing that second wave of relief. You clenched around him as you tried for a deep breath, quickly working your way there.

“Ahh shit,” he hissed as he felt you- pure, unadulterated, untamable lust now clouded his eyes. Something different had come over him now. He was no longer your professor. No. Now… his one purpose in life was to fuck you senseless.

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve wanted to do this?” he spat at you, yanking your head back even harder so he could get a clear look into those pretty eyes while he rammed into you. “How many times I’ve wanted to stop in the middle of class to just bend you over and take you?! I’ve contemplated so many times if I should hold you back after class so I could talk to you. Get you to put those pretty lips on mine, ah?” He was aggressive, almost yelling out of his mind through gritted teeth. "I’ve wanted you from the very first day I fucking saw you. Last year. An entire fucking year of acting good,” a harsh pound into you, “and acting professional,” pound, “around you," pound. "But goddamn it, I just can’t do it anymore! You drive me fucking crazy, y/n! You drive me so fucking crazy!” He yelled forcefully, quickly releasing his grip on you so that you fell forward onto the table.

Your lungs sucked in as much air as possible as you had a momentary sense of relief. But within a few seconds, Dr. Kim was reaching with his hand to rotate your head around to the side, right next to his own as he’d bent himself over your body, still fucking into you with all the strength he had.

“I’ve got to fucking have you,” his voice rumbled lowly, looking into your eyes. The words alone made your pussy quiver.

'Fuck. There's no fucking way. Does he mean?...' You were sure you were going to cum any second.

“Tell me I can have you… Fucking hell, tell me I can have you,” he growled, watching you desperately. Hungrily.

You closed your eyes as they slightly rolled back in your head. “Yes… Fuckkk, yes, you can have me,” you moaned out as his thrusts became too much for you to handle.

He violently crashed his lips into yours as if he’d been starving for them this whole time- like he'd been saving his appetite for this very moment. He ate at you like you were the most delicious thing he would ever taste.

And with the perfect thrust, you felt it. The feeling that had been creeping up for so long, exploded now, leaving you in complete shambles. Cursing, moaning, throwing yourself all around, you just couldn’t control yourself any more. You tried pulling yourself back, but his mouth kept you anchored to him, resulting in you throwing all of your groans into his mouth.

You didn’t know how it couldn’t be over, but he growled as he finished fucking into you, the wet sounds of your release only adding to his pleasure. You were getting overstimulated to the point that you were sure you were going to cry.

“Ahhh,” you wailed, not able to handle it any more.

“Oh fuck, baby, fuck!” he yelled, throwing a few final, violent, thrusts into you before pulling out. He continued to moan harshly as he pumped himself in his hand, letting his cum spurt out all over your ass, covering it almost completely. He stroked it until there wasn’t a single drop left inside of him.

'Baby?' you thought, contemplating if you'd misheard him.

Once he was sure he was finished, he breathed in and out deeply, trying to catch his breath while grabbing for a few tissues on his desk. He used them to lightly clean you up while you too were still bent over, struggling to get your breath back.

As soon as you heard his pants come up and zip, you were sure he was done. You slowly used your hands to push yourself up and off the table. Your muscles twitched as you went, absolutely exhausted. You didn’t know if you’d even be able to stand on your own, let alone make it back to the dorm.

You were slow as you turned, flattening your skirt down and trying to get your footing, but failing.

“Woah, woah, take it easy,” Dr. Kim smiled happily, knowing he was the one that had done this to you. He reached his hands out for you to hold so that you could get your balance.

“Yeah, thanks,” you said, blushing while nodding downward to acknowledge his help.

You both stood for a moment, absorbing the scenery and what had actually just happened. You almost couldn’t believe it.

As if it finally registered, you were suddenly uncertain of what to do next. You ran a hand through your hair before crossing your arms over your chest. You wanted to act like you weren’t nervous, but you knew that you were failing miserably.

“Well, I should probably head out then,” you tried to play off as light-hearted, moving your body out of his way and toward the door. You couldn’t believe you were about to have to do the walk of shame… at fucking school.

“You don’t have to-” Dr. Kim started, almost too eagerly, “you don’t have to go…” he calmed himself. “If you don’t want to. If you need time to, umm.” You’d never seen him be at a loss for words like this. “Get collected and everything.”

His eyes were softer than you’d remembered. For once, he didn’t look intimidating. He looked almost… sweet?

But none of that changed the fact that you had just fucked your professor and needed to go clear your head.

“Oh,” you smiled, trying to look grateful. “I appreciate it, but I think I’m alright. I should probably go finish up on an assignment I’ve been working on for your class actually. But really, thank you,” you said, bowing your head in gratitude, about to reach for the door handle.

“Wait,” he insisted, moving closer to you. “I just wanted to say that I really did mean all the things I said about you. Regardless of whatever this was, you are so fucking brilliant. I don’t want you to think that this is why I wanted you for the position. I hope that you’ll stay on… and that we can actually work together.” You thought you could make out a plea in his tone.

“Of course I’ll stay on, Dr. Kim. I’m excited to work with you,” you smiled, realizing now that you had some kind of upper hand.

He smiled back as he took a few steps backward, letting you turn to reach for the door once more.

“Please, call me Seungmin… Except in class of course,” he winked with a chuckle as he moseyed back behind his desk.

“Alright then, Seungmin,” you annunciated teasingly, smiling at him with big, innocent eyes. “I need to get to work on that assignment, but I’ll email you later so we can find a meeting time that works for us both?"

Seungmin just rolled his eyes with an annoyed grin. “You’re getting an A, regardless of that fucking assignment. And please... just give me your number instead.”

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 days

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AITA for saying I'm not rich?

Wait stop hear me out

So the thing is, my father is wealthy. Or at least he made enough money to have two Ferraris and a boat, which to me are the most useless things because why would u spend that money on this when u could spend it on food or commodities but details

When I was young, any time I asked for money or something, he'd make a huge deal about it. He'd make me feel awful, so awful that I just stopped asking for anything at all, starting from my teenage years to my college years, and I survived entire months, living alone during college, with 50 dollars to get by. For groceries and bills. And yes, he was nice enough to pay for my rent (170 dollars back then) but every time I'd be the worst piece of garbage for asking him. Worst thing was, I wanted a job, but he had this delusion that any sort of job that would take me, basically customer service, i wanted was "underneath my daughter" so he legit didn't let me and he'd go to big, big hoops to not allow me to do so

I'd never buy clothes or other necessities: I spent my teenage years just putting together what I got from relatives to make some savings, and I'd survive on that. He'd go splendid on my birthday and christmas, I guess, he'd buy me things, but I came to dread those days because the thought of him spending money -and how he reacted to it- always sent me into a blind panic so yes even though I got nice gifts I was never happy about it and I really really don't like my birthday

So I was always the girl who had two Ferraris to my friends, and they'd always get mad at me when I honestly told them "actually Im not rich" or "I'm sorry I'd rather go to the cheaper place" - because I legit thought i wasn't - and called me an asshole. But This was my father's money and I lived with him, but I rarely saw an actual dollar, everything I bought was with my savings and I spent years and years accumulating it, hoarding it. So I lived in this fancy house, but I'd wear 3 dollar pants and worn shoes because that's what I could afford with my money.

Note that even paying my school fees was a nightmare to me, because my father openly said I was a parasite and screamed at me but whATEVER

So um, my friends always said i was an ass for saying I didn't have any money, when my father was swimming in it. But when u survive on the allowance ur aunt gave u for an entire month, u really don't feel like it? and I always always felt so bad about it, because it felt like they were right and I was an asshole for pretending I don't have money. Except I didn't. I really didn't. That was all his, not mine, and while he did pay school and college flat rent, he was always making sure I knew what a burden I was for it. So yes, I'd still say I was actually not rich - even though I was lucky enough to have someone pay for me.

Anyway yeah AITA for saying I'm not rich? Tbh I really don't know if I can consider myself that, when it's not mine and I've never actually used it, it doesn't feel like it, but some tell me that's my privilege and I guess that could be right

Note: I am a grown adult now, I live on my own, pay my own things and have my job. And he's happy that he doesn't have to pay for me anymore, is baffled by my relationship with money (I don't like spending it ahah), not so much about me not living with him though. (The weird thing is he wants me with him, but not to take care of me which, honestly, valid) I do have a better relationship with him, but we never talk money because I live on minimum wage - ironically enough in costumer service - and he doesn't, so to me spending 60 on groceries is a lot (150 bills destroy me honestly, so winter is a joy) and he always, always mocks me for it. It's weird how he goes around with a Rolex and snuffs me for wearing Primark pants and then people constantly just... Think I have money at all and get mad at me when I say I don't

Anyway yeah AITA for saying I'm not rich? Tbh I really don't know if I can consider myself that if it's not mine, if I've never actually used it, it doesn't feel like it, but some tell me that's my privilege and I guess that could be right

#aita #am i the asshole

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ruvviks · 22 hours

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we would sell anything just to buy who we're not // we kill our way to heaven

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree

#tew #art #art:nathan #nuclearocs #nuclearart #ok so 1st of all: i'm sorry. no i'm not. yes i am. no #2nd of all: do not look at ruvik's scarring for too long i got lazy somewhere along the way #3rd of all: this piece takes place YEARS after the conclusion of both games. i have my own imaginary tew3 AND tew4. don't worry about it #4th of all: the way i see it is that eventually ruben's own appearance starts overwriting leslie's so he looks mostly like himself again #(just with hair and eyebrows and eyelashes. thanks leslie)#5th of all: yes i gave him a hearing aid the boy has survived a barn fire and part of his ear got burned away. it makes sense. to me #6th of all: yes i gave him pretty princess eyelashes and beautiful brown doe eyes and a nose bump. i will die on this hill #7th of all: when i designed nathan all those years back i did not even think about the color symbolism going on with his hair #which is now enhanced by the white patches in his eyebrow and eyelashes too. but yeah that's there now. much to think about!#and in this piece it's also in the clothing i gave them. didn't think about that either that just kinda happened. anyway #thank you for tuning in today i know i'm insane about these guys but like what can you do. sorry. bye #no wait hold on one more thing i made ruben taller than canon so he can hover over nathan like some victorian era skinny twinkish ghoul #not that nathan isn't a ghoul but. actually nathan is more ghoulish his base skin color is paler than ruben's. ok bye for real now #if you read all of that we will have a soft and bright late spring wedding with easily digestible food

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the-fandom-is-now-my-life · 2 days

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I apologize in advance, but the brainworms did a heckin screech and I felt the need to share the chaos.

Imagine, if you will, that our Creator let's it slip that they've interacted with other worlds before reaching Teyvat. (Played other video games) Imagine having to explain that in these other worlds, they may or may not have been interested in the denizens of those realms...sometimes in the romantic sense, which led to wedding bells and/or children.

Cue the uproar from the Genshin cast. The Creator, Blessed Maker of All...you have courted others? Have been married?? You have had children??? Their image of you being pure and untouchable, blown apart into tiny little pieces of confetti. 🎉

Though many loathe to admit it, they are curious...who are these people, what are they like? Is there a common factor in your selection of spouses? You would only pick the very best of a realm to choose as a potential partner, surely another being of creation...or perhaps a demigod?

It leads to the proverbial red string board getting made, the Archons trying to find out who is your most likely pick from their regions. It's all for your safety, your Benevolence! If you insist on having a partner, they must find the perfect match for you! You deserve only the best of the best, after all.

Bonus points if the Creator was a fan of games like the Harvest Moon/Rune Factory series. They're gonna need to make a list of all their partners, there are so many options to choose from. >>_>>

I'll admit I never played any of those games so I skimmed through the harvest moon wiki and chose one of the bachelors and chose some other game characters lol. Plus a game for all of you, guess the characters.

Though I do think that the reader having children before causes a bit of whiplash because it's totally unexpected, mostly because there were no records of you taking spouses or kids, even knowing you ‘have’ (play) other worlds is a surprise that causes a bit of a crisis. Either way here are some head cannons.

“I must admit, your grace is awfully attached to Qiqi” Zhongli hums as he blows on his white tea, a small cloud of steam leaving.

Qiqi doesn't pay him much mind, her head coddled under your chin like a little puppy, between her hands there is a small bird plushie “Well, I must admit she does kind of remind me of one of my little ones” Your hand softly pats her head, a few strands of hair moving as you do.

He stills as you spoke, eyes fixated on his cup “your… little ones?”

“Mhm?” Without looking up from the braid you were giving to the little girl you just nod “yep, she is quite soft spoken like Milenoe”

“... I wasn't aware your grace had sired children” there was never any mentions about holy spawns or spouses taken by you in any manuscript he got his hands on.

“Well, I never chose a couple from this world, so there wouldn't be any descendants” the comment slips airly from your lips as Qiqi slides off your lap towards baizhu who had finished checking the books from your bookshelf. “Do you want to see her? She started elementary school a few weeks ago” without waiting for an answer a screen appears displaying a tall man with black hair and horns standing regally behind you and a child with emerald eyes and horns.

“She looks rather shy”

You hum nodding “she is as shy as her father when he was her age. There aren't many children her age she can play with so she was pretty lonely her first 50 years”

“50 years?”

“her dad is a slow maturing species” so it should be 10 times the life expectancy than humans. Not that long for him but certainly longer than usual.

•°•°•

“It's a wonder to see how you manage to get Klee to change her mind about going fish blasting,” albedo scribbles some data half mindedly as he watches you hover next to Klee, who showed you a new drawings every few minutes “she is so stubborn even with Alice”

“Well I do have experience with headstrong children, Pardine is as focused on her goal as her father” one of your hands fall on her blonde hair, bright but still darker than Pardine’s almost champagne blonde and her red eyes polar opposite to her icy ones, a carbon copy to her dad. Even if your genetics rarely showed up on any of your kids it was uncanny how similar she looked to her dad and aunts “but I will admit she does annoy many guards asking to train her”

Albedo just laughs it off, listing the few loose characteristics of one of her spouses. Venti has been annoying him about his nation almost getting no information so he hopes a few spare tidbits and Klee’s rough drawing of a blond blue eyed man with a big shield works for whatever weird thing the archons have going on.

•°•°•

“Your Grace has married before?!” Ayaka gasps as you take a stroll around the nature surrounding her home. Her hand had swiftly unfolded her fan in front of her face.

“Mhm, I don't know why people get so surprised, after all it would be weirder if I spent so much time somewhere but took no lovers” you laugh at her slightly seeing her slightly flustered “it's almost a tradition at this point, to wed someone from each world. Want to see some family portraits?” She nods fervently looking at the tablet like thing that appeared on your hands, first a white haired cowboy like man is kneeling on the ground holding a baby by the armpits surrounded by three wolves ,seemingly playing with an older child, by the time the next imagine passes Ayaka is almost hanging by your shoulder, asking things about the siblings and begging to see more photos of your babies.

“And who did you take from teyvat?” Ayaka looks up sweetly at you, she has always held you in high regard and now that you are in Inazuma she can't help but get giddy thinking about how you decided to spend the stay in her state and most of your time with her.

Feigning surprise you tap your chin with your index finger “now that I think about it I didn't choose anyone yet... maybe it's about time”

“Then that means you could pick my brother!” She wraps her hand around your own, smiling as if she got the best idea ever “I could even call you older sibling!... If you wanted so of course”

“Big brother you remember how you told me you would find me a proper bachelor”

“If this is about wanting me to rush it won't work”

“It's not about it, I found you someone”

“Fine, as you please, need I remind you my standards are quite high”

“It's their grace!... Why are you choking on your tea!?”

•°•°•

“There isn't one damned coincidence…” Raiden slaps her head against the table with the rough drawings and some information about them “a king, a captain, a cowboy, a damned sorcerer…”

“Maybe there isn't supposed to be a coincidence” Nahida guesses “maybe they just look for someone who catches their eye”

“It doesn't help out as much as you think it does” the tsaritsa crosses her legs and leans against the back of the chair “if we are doing people with very clear characteristics maybe Ajax could fit nicely? Redheads aren't very common”

“Mhm, maybe but don't they have a liking for smart men? Then Alhaitham would be closer to their past couples”

“Well if we are going by that logic they should like the geo archon, as one of them has dragonic features” the tsaritsa side eyes Zhongli from the other side of the table.

Sighing deeply Furina, who came in place of Neuvillette, chimes in “It is their decision who they want to marry and even if they wanted to!”

"obviously you would be so calm, after all they are very close with your iudex. Don't get so cocky, I heard the commissioner Ayato is interested in the idea"

#genshin impact #gi #sagau #genshin x reader #self aware genshin impact #genshin sagau #x reader #gn reader

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toji-girl · 2 days

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all the right spots | t. zenin - part one

synopsis: Your husband's ultimate betrayal left you reeling and trying to grapple with everything when you return to your old hometown where you buried past ghosts that refused to stay hidden.

wc: 2.8k

tags: fem reader (she/her pronouns used) + not beta read + oc! husband who cheats + infidelity + heavy angst + ex-boyfriend! toji + this is before he's married and has Gumi + you have three brothers and a backstory

an: there will be a few parts to this! I like to keep these around 2-5k each!

"She's pregnant."

There was no build-up to the bomb dropped when you sat down, you barely got your drinks placed in front of you when your husband told you the real reason why he wanted you to join him for an important lunch. Confusion hit you at first wondering who he was talking about then it clicked judging from the look on his face.

Your husband got another woman pregnant.

When you were at home trying to keep yourself busy while he was at work your phone pinged with an urgent text for you to meet him at the cafe you ironically had your first date at as well.

Those two words were enough to destroy your world and rock it as you sat across from Sato feeling your stomach sink.

The pain took on a physical ache in your chest that snaked down into your gut taking root while taking your life apart board by board until it was nothing but rubble and you were left alone to pick up the pieces and move on, the shrapnel kept you from moving and you felt like you were bleeding out right there for everyone to see.

On the other side of the table that conveniently sat in the corner of the very busy café, your husband looked at you awaiting a response, his fingers curled around his keys like this was something he had to take time out of his very busy to do and he had to get back to what he was doing before this.

Anger burst like fireworks under your skin making you flush with heat and blinded with a white rage that settled inside your chest making your blood boil with a murderous rage that threatened to consume you whole.

"Who was it?" You snarled letting your fingers grip the tablecloth dragging forth the drinks and the wilted flower in the middle.

It wasn't important but you honestly had no clue he was cheating, he'd come home every night from work and lavish you with sweet kisses and take you to dinners weekly. There was nothing that ever pointed to it so for him to tell you another woman is pregnant with his baby when the two of you have been trying for years is absurd and frankly fucked up.

You had no idea that when he picked you up from an early shift he'd tell you this. With everyone around he figured you wouldn't make such a big scene, would you? His lips drew into a thin line as he glanced down at his ring, the one you slid on four years ago.

"It's no one important," He began then stopped to exhale a sigh like this was an inconvenience for him and like saying that about his mistress was a disservice to the homewrecker but still explained anyway knowing you’d push and push. "Remember Hara from the other team?”

Mentally you ran through the flash cards of the women in your life before finally stopping on Hara, the very pretty woman you met last year at a party who worked on the opposite team of your husband. She was all but perfect, tall, pretty, smart, and carried herself well but she knew he was married obviously since you two talked about your honeymoon destination.

The chatter around you seemed to grow silent as the blood rushing in your ears drowned everything out, you stared at the man you vowed your entire life to tell you he was starting a family with another woman. You gripped the water glass in front of you before taking a sip to quench your thirst.

“Congratulations, Daddy.”

Without warning you tossed the iced drink in his face, his sharp intake of breath from the shocking temperature made you feel only a bit better as you stood from your chair not saying anything else before you made your way out of the bustling place, it felt like you couldn’t walk straight, everything was out of place. It felt like your heart was about to burst in your chest as you finally reached your car.

Leaving him there wasn’t anything compared to what he did to you, the entire car ride you had no idea how you made it home and parked in the driveway as you stared at the garage door replaying the last four years in your head like a movie, each bit slowly curling from the flames of his wrongdoing.

The way he treated you back at the cafe was unlike him and only made you wonder how long your husband has disliked you. You also wanted to ask how long it’s been going on but you didn’t go that far and that would only serve as salt in the fresh wound causing nothing but more agonizing hell.

On autopilot and an empty stomach that was heavy with weight made you sluggish as you made it to the front door to pack a few bags of the things you knew you needed for a few days, you wanted to be alone to process this before heading to your brothers who you knew would want to kill him.

Your family has never liked him from the beginning, even thinking of his name made you sick to the stomach. His face was nothing but a distorted image in your head before it ended with him and his new baby with his model wife. Your womb clenched with an ache that defied a deep jealousy to have one.

It was something you both talked about before, and you tried again and again for a few years before deciding that it if happened it did, but you’d be happy if it was just you two. It seemed he wasn’t happy with that deal anymore, and now you were left childless and husbandless, a double whammy of loss.

With everything you needed for work and after throwing away all your wedding photos and the album you made in the firepit in the back watching it melt away before turning back to get in your car again. All your friends were wives of his friends so you weren’t sure if you could call them, knowing they'd have his back even though he was the one in the wrong.

Sato was a saint to everyone but you.

Checking into the motel you sunk onto the bed and heaved a sigh that felt like a million pounds, you stared at the carpet until it began to melt thinking of what to do next and where to go. Your phone rang pulling you from your thoughts.

Mia’s face popped up against the screen, her face smushed from the glass she pressed her face against having you take a picture making you laugh even now, you loved her for her sense of humor. But still, you debated on answering it when you hit the green button anyway then the speaker. “I just heard the news honey, are you alright?” Her sweet voice came over the line causing you to finally cry, your eyes burned as fat streams of tears caked your face.

You could hear her two little ones in the background making you feel ten times worse, however, it wasn’t her fault. It felt like your life was turning into a joke and everyone was getting to witness it.

“He got another woman pregnant when I’m his wife! Who does something like that? I’m still in shock I think, there isn’t any way, right? I’m dreaming. I have to be.” You muttered lying on your back to close your eyes.

She sighed on the other end, detaching herself from her children to step outside and give you her time. “I'm sorry. I wish it was.” Mia ached to hug you.

You're her only true friend and vice versa, the other woman you both know talks about each other's back like it was a hobby. “I'm so lost, but I'm safe for now. I'll call you later.” You told her and hung up rising from the bed to look down at the bustling city.

You chose to get an expensive hotel after draining the bank account, a last middle finger to Sato. Part of you wanted to hurt him like he hurt you, the irrational side wanted to sleep with his dad or brother or best friend and the other half just wanted to break down.

It was hard to choose what hurt the most.

The betrayal of his vows was up there but the idea of him giving another woman your dreams made you sick with anger and envy the most, to know that someone else is carrying your husband's baby.

It was a deadly combination that left you in bed over the next two days, you were grateful you could take some time off work to lay in bed and replay the last four years wondering where it went all wrong, when did he stop loving you? Why? You struggled to think this was real and maybe you’d wake up in his arms feeling your kids crawl on the bed to greet you both.

But now he was going to experience that with his new girlfriend.

You were thankful for the silken sheets that you made a cocoon out of, they felt like angel wings that carried you after death.

It felt like you were dying as you withered away, the pain was too much to bear, it felt like a ton of weight that sat on your chest, and no matter how much strength you used or how much you screamed there it still stayed reminding you of the hurt so you ignored moving from the bed only to use the restroom, you drowned yourself in your sorrow, grieving the once forever relationship you’d thought you’d have with Sato.

He was the man you chose over everyone and everything, so for him to stab you in the back was a wound that you wanted to sew up already but even then the soft pulse of the heartbeat would never let you forget.

It was a deep betrayal that left you reeling from it all especially after you held him up when his business failed.

After you finally got out of bed surrounded by mounds of wrappers and take out you got in the shower to scrub your body raw and let the water rush over you for a while before getting out to dry off and get dressed.

Once you got the room cleaned up you turned your phone on to see a bunch of missed calls from your brother Rui who was desperate to know where you were. Since he's the oldest he's always taken his job seriously and protected you. Shaking your nerves you called him back, not surprised he answered on the first ring.

“Where have you been? I have called you again and again. Mia told me what happened, she couldn't get a hold of you.”

You felt a little guilty for not calling him back after all that he’d done for you, when your parents were gone he was your babysitter and the best one, all his friends even accepted you, especially Toji. Clearing your throat you sat back on the bed. “I’ve been in a hotel trying to get myself together…so, Mia told you everything?”

The idea of your brother knowing your husband got another woman pregnant made your stomach twist again like you had to be ashamed of it for some reason. Were you not good enough? Did you not love him enough? All these questions swirled in your head as you listened to Rui shuffle things in the background.

Then you heard a deep familiar voice that lit areas of your brain you swore you shut off when you left that part of your life behind, from the age of sixteen to twenty-three you dated Toji Zenin, the man was only a year older than you but still despite your brother's protests that his friend did not touch his little sister, he couldn't stay away from you but the light that shone between you both wasn’t able to be snuffed out until you were accepted to your dream college where you met Sato.

It felt like you had known him your entire life, albeit you had to admit that what you had with Toji could never be touched by anyone else, he was your first everything and you were his as well, you always thought how different your life would be if you didn’t break up with him, would you two ended up happily married with a few chubby babies? Rui spoke your name again gaining your attention.

Ever since you found out, you’ve been spacing out a lot during the most mundane and highest point of your breakdown. “Yes, Akio and Daiki know too. We planned to bury that sonofabitch so far in the dirt-”

Your soft sigh stopped him as your older brother listened to you sniffle and break down in a fit of tears on the other side of the world it felt like, even though you lived several hours away there was a bridge he couldn’t gap to protect you, his little sister from the cruelness and hurt you were experiencing.

“I’m sending you some money, I already got you a plane ticket. We’ll be there to pick you up from the airport.”

The next morning after pulling yourself from the hotel bed that took the shape of your body as you rotted away under the safety of the covers that you missed already, your eyes hurt and felt sensitive as the sun beat down on you burning your paper-thin flesh after it had been rubbed raw with tissues and hot water.

Your three brothers stood huddled together engaged in some sort of conversation until Daiki saw you coming closer, he broke away from the others and sprinted towards you with open arms and a sullen face.

Everything inside of you wanted to fall apart the moment you were wrapped up in your brother’s arms, they checked you over fussing over you like you’ve been to war and came back alive after being declared dead. “It’s nice to finally see you, we’ve been worried sick!”Akio muttered as he stared at you holding the sides of your head staring at you intently.

Your eyes burned with tears as you nodded before dissolving into a full-blown sob. They ushered you along giving anyone dirty looks that glanced over at your sniffles that left your nose achy and sore. “We got your bedroom the way it was, nothing has ever changed,” Rui told you with a grin grabbing your bags.

“Really? I didn’t change it much after I was a child so pink walls and that white rusted four-poster bed that holds my million plushies?” You asked with a soft smile feeling at ease already, but the mention of your old bedroom loomed like dark clouds threatening to ruin everything else. Your parents were hardly around due to work and they relied on your brothers to take care of each other and you.

Aiko rolled his eyes as the four of you made it outside into the sticky air, the heat took away your breath as a thin sheet of sweat clung to you, thankful that they kept the car running you were greeted with AC that felt so nice.

Daiki and Rui got in the back with you listening to you pour out your heart and the classless way Sato told you, and in public no less. You noticed the anger that shrouded the car and sat there in silence until the car pulled up in the driveway where you saw a shirtless Toji under his car fixing something.

“We didn’t think he’d be home-”

“Home?! He lives here? This is where I’m staying!” You cried looking at Daiki, your eyes narrowed into a glare knowing he wouldn’t leave his best friend out on the streets and you loved him for that but does he really need it now?

Rui and Aiko scurried from the car to grab your things and greet your ex-boyfriend who happened to get a good look at you when he rolled himself out from under the car as you stepped out still arguing with Daiki, your voice or the way you spoke to your brothers never changed. You didn’t change.

But Toji was well aware of what happened and what brought you back to town, and despite the painful breakup, he remembered it like yesterday. Your eyes met with his feeling that prickle of heat spark between you both before walking inside the house.

“Let her calm down, she's hurt,” Rui told them as he looked at Toji who felt conflicted himself, you two left on rocky terms because he didn’t want you to go but you wanted to break away from everything you knew, and started fresh and look where that got you.

#tw: infidelity #toji x reader #jjk x reader #toji x you #toji zenin #jjk x you #toji x y/n #toji zenin x reader #toji zenin x you #jjk toji #jujutsu toji #jujutsu kaisen toji #I know he doesn't make much of an appearance but I promise he does in the next part!!!

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lionlena · 3 days

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Unforgivable mistake (JoelMillerxreader) Part 12

Summary: Reader is much younger than Joel and is in love with him. One night, after arguing with Tess and getting drunk, Joel spends the night with a reader, but in the morning he breaks her heart… She runs away from Boston hoping that she will never meet this cold bastard again in her life. But almost six years later, she unexpectedly sees Joel in Jackson. She decides to hide herself and her little secret from this asshole.

Warnings: age gap (reader is about 28 years, Joel 58), strong language, swearing, past trauma, bullying, attempted rape, memories of sexual abuse, unprotect p in v, dom!Joel, Joel is asshole, ANGST, hurt, sadness and heartbreaking, sexual harassment, women abuse, violence, injury, sickness, misunderstanding, breakdown

A/N: So, these were your decisions:

However, for people who still do not want to read the sex scene, the text will be marked in red.

Part 12

You always liked Christmas. You liked the Christmas atmosphere and searching and making gifts. Your heart always swelled with joy as you decorated the Christmas tree with your little boy. You were happy when you visited Anna and Toby just before or a few days after Christmas and they greeted you with sweet treats. And now it seemed like the holidays were going to be even better after Joel and Ellie joined your family. Not to mention that the Christmas holidays also took on new colors for Teddy. You saw him whispering with Ellie and Joel and you suspected it was about a gift for you. It was so sweet.

You had also started exchanging other things for gifts a few weeks earlier because that's how it worked in Jackson. People traded things for other items or small services.

You managed to get new colorful books for Teddy, one of them presented different breeds of horses in a humorous way. You found a hunting knife for Ellie. You knew Joel wouldn't be happy about this, but in the end, what mattered was her happiness. You made a warm scarf for Claudia in her favorite color. And you found new leather gloves for Joel. You knew it was something he would definitely come in handy on patrols.

But before Christmas, you realized that maybe you would be able to give him one more gift… Something more intimate.

It was like an epiphany. The kids decorated the Christmas tree with Joel. Teddy was in a mischievous mood and started wrapping his dad in Christmas chains. Joel laughed and started joking about being immobilized. And you just stood in the doorway with your eyes wide open. It was a missing piece that suddenly fell into place.

"Honey, help, please!" Joel's voice broke you out of your trance and you joined in their fun with a smile, but the sight of Joel tied up did not disappear from your mind.

A few days later, on Christmas morning, everyone got their presents. You were happy to see the joy on the faces of your loved ones. You haven't been forgotten either. The kids gave you horse-shaped cookies and a colorful bracelet, and Joel gave you a necklace with a horseshoe pendant. You were touched by their efforts.

The whole day passed in a joyful atmosphere. You went for a walk with the kids and took part in a big snowball fight in the middle of the city. To your surprise, even Joel joined. And of course, he was targeting Tommy and Ellie. It was adorable because he suddenly looked 20 years younger and you knew you would remember this sight forever.

In the evening you ate a delicious dinner, and when Teddy went to bed and Ellie was busy reading a book in her room, you finally decided to give a special gift to Joel.

He was sitting on the couch with a steaming mug of tea with honey and bourbon. You sat down next to him, holding your mug and the rectangular box in your hand. Joel raised his eyebrows.

"What's that?"

You set your mug on the coffee table and placed the box on his lap.

"Gift."

Joel followed you and set his cup down as well.

"I already got a gift from you and I am very pleased with it."

"I know but… it's something different… something special and I don't know if you'll agree to it."

You waked his curiosity and he couldn't help himself anymore and he opened the box. The contents of the box surprised him. Inside was a rope, a wide dark ribbon, and a key. Joel looked at you with a surprised puppy face.

"Sorry, baby, but I don't really know what to do with this. It's… really… interesting but…"

His attempts not to offend you were amusing. You couldn't help but peck him on the cheek.

"I'm already explaining everything to you. I accidentally realized what could help me break through my trauma and make love with you."

Joel gasped and sat up straight. You had his full attention.

"Oh…"

"You know, I'm most afraid of losing control… being vulnerable again… I know you've changed and I believe you won't take advantage of it, but it's stronger than me."

Joel grabbed your hand and brought it to his lips, kissing your fingers.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I know I deserved this lack of trust… And I'm grateful to you for giving me a second chance."

He looked at the contents of the box again and slowly began to guess what you wanted to do.

"So, do you want to tie me up?"

When he said this, you couldn't help but blush.

"Only hands…"

"Okay. And this." He ran his fingers along the navy blue ribbon.

"To cover your eyes."

A smirk appeared on his face.

"This is getting interesting. And the key?"

"To an old house on the outskirts of town. I was borrowing it from Tommy. I told him we wanted to see the house because it was bigger and see if you could renovate it… But what I really wanted was for us to have a quiet place where we could hide out during the day "

Joel smiled widely and pulled you into his lap. You squealed in surprise but didn't mind. You sat up facing him and placed your hands on his strong shoulders.

"You have thought of everything, my Angel."

You smiled and felt his strong hands caress your hips.

"So you agree to this?" you asked shyly.

You weren't really sure if Joel would agree to give up his dominance. But looking at his satisfied face, you slowly gained hope.

"Of course, I agree. If it's something that will help you get over trauma, I agree with everything. It's something new for me but… I'm 100% for it."

You sighed in relief and leaned against his body. Joel kissed your temple and whispered:

"But remember, I don't want you to put pressure on yourself. I still stand by what I said. I love you whether we have sex or not."

His words filled you with peace. You leaned down and pressed your nose into his neck, inhaling his scent.

"I love you," you whispered and felt Joel hug you tighter.

Two days later, you and Joel agreed to meet at the old house at noon. Teddy was supposed to be with Claudia, Emily, and Rose until the evening, and Ellie would go about her business.

Joel had gone to the old house earlier, lit a fire in the living room, and spread blankets on the floor. He didn't want to tell you this so as not to upset you, but he felt as anxious as a teenager.

You were nervous too. Your heart was beating like crazy as you crossed the threshold and locked the door. You knew no one would disturb you there, but you wanted to be sure.

Joel immediately greeted you with a smile and walked over to you. He kissed your lips and helped you take off your jacket. He grabbed your hand and led you toward the fireplace.

You sat down on the blanket and took a deep breath.

"So, how do we start?"

Joel placed his large hand on your cheek.

"Slow down, Sweetheart. We have a few hours. Let's take our time."

Joel squeezed your hand comfortingly and murmured,

"I got the wine."

You smiled and nodded. You were glad that Joel was being responsible this time and he wasn't rushing to anything.

You sat next to each other on the floor, leaning on the couch. Joel handed you a glass of wine and kissed your temple.

"Is it warm enough?"

"Yes," you replied and took a sip of wine. The alcohol warmed you up even more.

The whole house was cold, but you were warm enough when you were this close to the fireplace.

After some time, you felt Joel's hand caressing your thigh. He did it gently and slowly and focused his full attention on your reaction.

Despite your initial tension, you slowly started to relax. Joel leaned down and started nibbling on your neck, and a soft sigh escaped your lips. Joel smiled and tightened his grip on your thigh.

"Is everything okay, Honey?"

You nodded even though you felt a little anxious and took a shaky breath. Joel sensed it immediately and moved his hand away.

"Do you want to tie my hands now?"

You were surprised by how willing he was to give you the power. You smiled and stroked his hair. You set your wine glasses aside.

"Can you lie on your back?"

Joel immediately obeyed your command as if you had some magical power over him.

You reached for the box that was still lying on the couch. Joel prepared everything. You pulled out the rope and Joel folded his hands over his chest.

He looked at you with excitement. He really liked your idea and that gave you confidence. You moved closer to him and tied his wrists together.

"Not too tight?" you asked with concern.

You didn't want your comfort to be discomfort for him. You believed that wasn't what love was about. You also didn't want to take revenge on him for what happened in Boston. This wasn't what your relationship was supposed to be built on.

"It's perfect, Darling," Joel replied with a smile to encourage you. "Continue…"

You smiled and started unbuttoning his shirt. You pulled the fabric up and kissed his belly. Joel growled quietly.

"God…"

You giggled quietly and did it again, deciding that it wouldn't hurt to tease him a little. Joel tensed his abdominal muscles and looked at you in awe.

His eyes were shining and for a moment you even regretted that you were going to cover them. You reached for a blindfold and wrapped it around his head.

You kissed his forehead and then whispered:

"Do you see anything?"

A shiver ran through his body as he felt your breath on his ear.

"Nothing…" He managed to croak out.

You smiled and looked at his pants, which already showed a bulge. Apparently, you've discovered some forgotten Joel’s fetish.

"All right." you purred and sat on his legs, then unzipped his fly and looked at his face. You grabbed his pants and the waistband of his boxers.

"Can I?"

Joel lifted his hips, giving you a clear signal to pull the fabric down.

"I beg you."

You giggled and with his help, you pulled down his pants and boxers.

Your eyes locked on his semi-hard cock. You swallowed and touched him, causing him to hiss softly.

You couldn't help yourself. You didn't really get a chance to look at him the first time.

Now you had plenty of time and full power, and that excited you. You felt yourself getting wet and you were filled with joy. Your plan worked. You felt no fear. You didn't panic. Joel was at your mercy and he liked it.

You supposed he could have freed his hands if he wanted to, but that was the point. Joel wanted your needs to be important, not his.

Before you could start touching him, you got up from his legs and took off your pants and panties.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"What do you think?"

"You're undressing… I heard the belt buckle… you know you have beautiful thighs…"

You rolled your eyes and you knelt by his hips. You grabbed his cock but he suddenly jumped.

"Wait!"

You looked at him in surprise and your heart skipped a beat. Has he changed his mind? He didn't want to give you control?

"You don't want to do this without preparation…"

You breathed a sigh of relief and your heart warmed with his concern.

"Don't worry… I'll get ready."

Joel groaned like a disgruntled puppy.

"Why should you do it alone when you have me…"

You frowned. Was Joel trying to change the rules of the game?

"Your hands are tied."

A deep chuckle escaped from his chest.

"But you didn't gag my mouth."

"What?"

If Joel wasn't wearing the blindfold, you'd see him looking at you with a look: Really?

"You don't mean to tell me that Steve has never eaten you."

At that moment, you were glad that Joel couldn't see your red face.

"He did, but never… in a position like this."

A sly smile appeared on his face.

"Then I'll do it even more willingly… come on, sweetie… don't be shy and sit on my face. You won't regret it."

His voice was dripping with lust and your breathing quickened. You felt that this way you would completely dominate him. It was too tempting not to take advantage of it.

Finally, you slowly knelt over his face with your knees on either side of his head. He placed his tied hands on your lower back and pushed you closer to him. You gasped at the moment his lips touched your slippery lips. His mouth immediately covered your pussy. His tongue began to circle your clit. You moaned softly and grabbed his hair. His stubble caused this burning, pleasant feeling on the inside of your thighs. Joel purred until you felt a vibration against your cunt. As his thick tongue pushed into you, you couldn't help but moan loudly. You began to move your hips, your clit rubbing against his curved nose that you had never been more grateful for. Joel devoured you like a hungry dog. Slurping sounds filled your ears.

"Ah… Joel… Joel!"

You arched your back, your thighs trembling, and your orgasm hit you with such force that you were afraid you were going to collapse all your weight on his face.

Joel smiled and slowly pulled his tongue out of you. He licked up your juices and kissed your thighs before helping you move aside.

You were so delighted that you leaned in and kissed him on the lips, tasting yourself. His hands tangled in your hair.

"Now… Now you're ready." he purred, not hiding the satisfaction in his voice.

It took you a moment to catch your breath, but you finally sat on his legs and wrapped your hand around his semi-hard, thick cock, and started stroking it, exploring every vein with your fingertips.

He squirmed and moaned. His cock was now standing proud and Joel hissed.

"Baby…" his voice was hoarse. "I don't want to spoil your fun, but if you don't stop… In a moment I won't be at your disposal anymore."

You giggled and hovered over him.

"I see. You've been waiting for this for a long time."

You slowly sat on his cock. You hissed, feeling that familiar burning sensation as he stretched you. You never forgot it… Although that memory was obviously negative. It was different now. Then in Boston, he was drunk and didn't care about your feelings or comfort. Now you were partners, two people with a strong bond.

Joel gasped and brushed his hands against your thighs.

"Ahhh… Baby… You're wonderful. You're the most wonderful woman in the whole damn world."

You smiled and placed your hands on his chest. Your hips moved up and down. You weren't in a hurry, you didn't have to. You were in complete control of everything and Joel didn't complain. You heard his deep growls and saw his breathing quicken. At that moment you felt something new… A new chapter in your relationship has opened. You trusted him.

When you felt yourself getting closer to your second orgasm, you moaned loudly and quickened your pace even more. Joel grabbed your thigh with his tied hands as much as he could. His grunts became even deeper. But at some point, he bit his lip, he was getting closer to coming, but he didn't want to do it before you… He couldn't.

But you didn't hold back. You reached between your legs with one hand and started rubbing your clit. Your moans became even louder.

"Ahhh! Ahhh… Honey!"

And so you reached your second climax. You collapsed onto his chest and Joel groaned softly.

"Y/n… Baby… I'm too close…"

Joel started moving his hips and you heeded his warning. The lack of condoms in the post-pandemic world sucked. You hadn't talked about this part of your relationship, but you both seemed to realize that it was too early to think about having a second child.

You slowly pulled out of him and laid down next to him. You decided to help him and grabbed his swollen, throbbing cock with your hand. Joel made an almost animalistic, primal sound. After fasting for so long, he didn't need much. Just a few movements of your hand was enough and he came, and gushing sperm covered his belly and reached his shirt.

While Joel was still breathing heavily, you couldn't help but start licking his skin.

"Jesus!"

His flaccid cock twitched even though there was no chance of it getting hard again.

You giggled and pulled away, once you had licked most of the semen off you looked at him with affection and started to untie his hands.

When his hands were finally free, Joel immediately removed the blindfold. His eyes had to get used to the light again, but he still looked at you with admiration and devotion.

"Hi…" he croaked and brushed his hand against your cheek. "I missed your beautiful face."

You smiled and placed your head on his chest. His hand started stroking your back.

"Did you like it?" you asked and looked into his eyes.

You didn't need a verbal response. It was enough for his lips to curve into a wide smile and his eyes to sparkle.

"That was amazing…" His hand started caressing your hip. "But the more important question is, did you like it? Was everything okay?"

You snuggled closer to his body. His concern only proved to you how much he had changed since Boston.

"Yes. I'm fine. I feel very good… Do you think we can do it this way for now?"

You felt a little uneasy asking about it again. You didn't know if Joel would consider tying his hands a one-time thing.

Joel nodded and kissed your head.

"Of course, Sweetheart. I'm proud of you for fighting your trauma… We will do everything slowly. At your pace and on your terms."

His words were like a soothing balm for your soul.

You closed your eyes, listening to his heartbeat.

"Maybe next time we'll try without the blindfold?"

Joel also closed his eyes and smiled. He pulled you closer to him.

"Whatever you want. With or without a blindfold. It doesn't matter to me as long as you feel safe and comfortable with me."

You took a deep breath and felt sleepy. The fire was still burning in the fireplace, Joel's body was warm, and his voice sounded like a lullaby. You yawned and murmured sleepily:

"Can we take a nap?"

Joel chuckled quietly. He found you so cute when you were sleepy.

"I'd love to take advantage of this opportunity. We still have a few hours."

Joel covered you both with a blanket and buried his face in your hair. It wasn't long before you were both dozing off. *

The next day, when you were driving together to Anna and Toby, you had a blissful smile on your faces. You kept glancing at each other. Whenever your horse rode next to Joel's horse, he immediately placed his hand on your thigh.

You two heard a long groan behind you.

"There are children here."

Joel laughed and rolled his eyes. He looked at Ellie, who was riding with Teddy.

"You keep saying you're an adult. So just one kid and…" Joel smirked and placed his hand on your hip. "We're just showing affection. It's nothing bad."

Ellie snorted.

"Yeah, right… That's why you've been so happy since yesterday. Find a room."

Teddy started laughing happily.

"Ellie, Daddy, and Mommy have their own room at Grandpa's."

Ellie patted his head.

"You'll understand when you get older."

You looked at them and smiled. You loved the little fights between the teenage girl and Joel and the way Ellie took care of Teddy.

Suddenly Joel stopped your horses and you looked at him in surprise. You were practically at Anna and Toby's house. But when you realized what it was about, your heart trembled. From a distance, it was obvious that something was wrong. There was a trail of blood in the snow leading to an open door. The front windows were broken.

You didn't think much, your instincts just kicked in. You jumped off your horse and shouted:

"Anna, Tob…"

Joel was equally fast. He grabbed you from behind and pressed his hand to your mouth.

"Shhh…" he growled. "We don't know who is there."

You looked at him with tears in your eyes. You realized he was right. Your behavior was irrational. You nodded and he released you.

Meanwhile, Ellie was hugging the worried little boy. Joel walked up to her and gave her the reins of his horse.

"Hide among the trees."

Teddy looked at him and whimpered.

"Where are the grandparents?"

Joel wanted to hug him, but instead, he rubbed his shoulder soothingly and said sympathetically,

"Don't worry, 'bear cub'. Me and mom will check everything."

Joel tried to stay calm even though he suspected the worst.

He walked up to you and handed you his handgun while he took the shotgun.

"You're following me. If something goes wrong, you jump on your horse and you all run back to Jackson. Without turning back. You understand!"

His voice was so stern and commanding that all you could do was nod and hold back the tears that wanted to escape from your eyes.

Joel sighed, he didn't want to be so hard on you. He cupped your head in one hand and kissed your forehead.

"Okay. Let's go."

Slowly, tense, and focused, you approached the house. The surroundings seemed deserted. You felt your heart in your throat. You glanced at the open door and the trail of blood leading into the house. You heard Joel's voice:

"I'll check the house…"

When he disappeared into the house, you had the impression that time stopped. You felt fear and despair wash over you. Anna and Toby were like parents to you. You couldn't lose them like this. Tears began to flow down your cheeks.

Finally, Joel left. He still looked focused and ready to fight.

"Nothing," he muttered.

"What?" you croaked.

Joel stepped closer and wiped away your tears with his thumb.

"No one is there. There are no bodies… Someone must have been there… The house looks ransacked, but… Anna and Toby may still be alive."

You felt the world spinning around you. You didn't know if it was all real or if you were stuck in some nightmare.

"What happened here?"

Your question hung unanswered in the frosty air.

Taglist: @casa-boiardi @noisynightmarepoetry @ihavetwoholesforareason @sloanexx @creedslove @orcasoul @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @i-workwithpens @milla-frenchy @liatome @jojo-munson @pascalislove @goldenhxurs @elliaze @aestheticangel612 @cheyxfu @prestinalove @stevengmybeloved @faith-alons26 @harriedandharassed @this--is--music @joeldjarin @elliaze @ajeff855 @anislabonis-love @quality-lust @sarahhxx03 @sofiparallel @misshoneypaper @simplyreading96 @ilovetaquitosmmmm @softstarlite @missladym1981 @heartpascalispunk @brujademente @littleshadow17 @emmathetrash

Pernament tag list: @harriedandharassed

Yes, I know, this cliffhanger is… Ugh… But I promise that this time the next chapter will appear much faster so I won't leave you in suspense for a long time.

Part 11

Part 13

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller #the last of us #joel miller fanfiction #joel x reader #joel and you #joel miller fic #tlou fic #joel and ellie #joel is daddy #angst #hurt/comfort #love story #unforgivable mistake

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whumpsday · 2 days

Text

Kane & Jim AU: Slow Cooked

Chronological masterlist / Writing order masterlist

content: vampire whumpee, torture, burns, body horror / goreish, isolation, touch starvation, rescue, caretaking

just some whump that wouldn't leave my head. i'm on an AU kick. 2 pieces in a day!! woo!!! also posted a catharsis chapter earlier :D

It was day one-thousand one-hundred and thirty-three since they’d left Kane in the sun.

Unlike in his cell, it was easy to count the days out here. Impossible not to, unless he lost count amid the endless pain. He couldn’t see, hadn’t opened his eyes in years, but fire licked at his toes once more, slowly working its way up.

Kane did not scream. The last time he’d screamed, a hunter had wrapped a cord around his throat and threatened to leave it there forever if he made another sound, leaving his lungs perpetually empty. That was day 14.

He had air. As his already burnt-beyond-recognition body lit up once more under the unforgiving heat of the sun, Kane reminded himself he could breathe. It was the only thing he had left.

It hurt. It hurt, hurt, hurt, always. There was no end to it, not even at night, when his wholly maimed form was given far too little time to even start to heal. There was only agony at night and more agony in the day.

He missed his cell. He would do anything to go back to his cell, in the blessed dark.

The morning sun rose enough to reach his face, his entire body once again swallowed as he burned alive.

Please. Please make it stop. Please, somebody help me! I’ll do anything. I just need it to stop. Mercy.

Every day, the same wish, unanswered. Kane was left to his unbearable existence, forgotten.

Somebody touched him. It was the first time Kane had been touched in over three years.

It was a light touch, just the graze of what he thought to be a hand to his jawline. Not enough to make it hurt more than it already did. Whoever it was said something, but he couldn’t make it out. Melted flesh had filled his ears for quite some time.

Kane did not move. He didn’t think he was capable of moving, anymore. But he had to do something. Maybe if he did, they’d let him inside, just for a little. Just for a few days. He would do anything to be allowed inside for a few days, even if they tortured him.

Please, I need help, please help me! Make it stop!

A small, raspy whine escaped the back of his throat, muffled further by his sealed-shut lips. It was all he could manage.

The hand retreated.

If Kane was capable of crying, he would. If Kane’s tear ducts hadn’t melted away under the sun years ago, he’d never have stopped.

Please. Please. Somebody. Help me.

His heart cried out, yearning for the touch to return. Even if they never helped, even if they hurt him. He just needed to feel for one moment like he wasn’t alone.

He keened again, a quiet thing, though he tried. Wordless begging to not be left.

The hand returned to his cheek, and he quieted once more. If the agony never stopped, at least he had this. The ability to breathe, and one gentle touch.

Without warning, something pierced his chest, and his cursed consciousness was blissfully lost.

Kane did not wake outside.

His arms and legs were no longer spread into the corners of the board, ensuring every vulnerable inch of his front was exposed to the sun. The board no longer touched his back, in fact. Instead, he laid on something soft. The sun did not shine.

Either it was nighttime, or he’d been allowed inside.

It was almost unthinkable that he’d be allowed to rest on something soft and let inside. Surely, it had to be nighttime.

Despite his relative freedom–he could still feel a shackle on one ankle, not silver, but nothing else–he was far too mangled to move around. He simply laid there, trying to bask in the wonder of the soft thing.

“Kane?” a voice asked, hours later. He could hear it, he realized. His ears were cleared.

He knew that voice. That was the human’s voice. Jim’s voice.

The fragile hope that he might be allowed to remain on the soft thing vanished.

“Are you awake?” Jim asked. “I saw you… twitching and stuff.”

He would cry if he could. He was crying, he realized, tears falling down his burnt-up cheeks.

“It’s okay, don’t be scared. I mean, that’s–that’s a tall order, yeah. You’re not going out there again. You’re gonna be okay.”

That gentle hand returned, to his hair this time. There wasn’t much of it left, he was reasonably sure. Jim stroked what was there, his touch feather-light, like he was afraid Kane would break into pieces.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. It’s over,” Jim promised. His voice shook like he might be crying, too.

Kane wanted to believe it so, so badly. It was everything he’d ever wanted, for someone to help. Finally, finally, for the pain to end. It hadn’t even ended yet, his body was a horrific mess of seared skin, but it had been promised. No one had ever promised to help before.

He couldn’t be dreaming. It never hurt this badly in dreams, his only refuge.

“Can you open your mouth?” Jim prompted.

No. He couldn’t. He tried, just to prove it, and…

His lips popped open, revealing a perfectly-preserved, unburnt mouth.

How long had he been out? Days? Had he not been touched by the sun for days?

“You’re doing great,” Jim encouraged. “I know you’re hurting pretty bad right now. So, um, I just…”

“Here, I’ve got it.” A different voice, female, unfamiliar. Before Kane could even worry about who she was, a lid opened with a pop, and the smell of blood filled the air.

Kane did manage more than a whine, then. A desperate howl of need.

The blood poured into his mouth, cold and refreshing and salty and sweet. There was so much of it. He drank and drank and drank until there was no more. He was actually sated for once.

“That’ll help him heal faster?” Jim asked.

“Yeah. Should do the trick.”

“...Do you think he’ll be mad at me?”

Mad? How could he possibly be mad? Jim took him away from the sun. Jim let him inside. Jim gave him blood. He was going to be allowed to heal!

“I think he’ll just be happy to be out of the sun,” the other voiced his thoughts.

There was a creak on the soft think–a bed? A couch?--as someone sat next to him. “Three years ago, the hunters told me they had you,” Jim said.

Three years. That was the end of it, then? Kane had paid his price, he wouldn’t have to do it anymore? It felt too good to be true.

“I told them to kill you,” he continued. “I was scared. I thought you would be like… before. I thought you would come after me. I didn’t know what they were doing, and they told me they’d done it. I thought you were dead. I never wanted you to suffer, not like this.”

Did that mean no more? It was truly over?

“No m-more?” Kane rasped out, his voice struggling to find itself after so long.

“No more.” That gentle touch returned to his hair, and for the first time in years, there was hope.

taglist in reblogs

#whump #my writing #kane and jim au #torture #burns #gore #isolaton #touched starved #rescue #caretaking #vampire whumpee #vampire whump

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bloodylullaby · 2 days

Text

Author's Note: It's been a while since I wrote Smut, so I am a little rusty.

Parings: Noah Sevastian x Reader

Word Count: 1739

Warnings: 18+: heavy making out, sex

MasterList

Today marks your and Noah’s four-year anniversary, and boy, did he go all out. As a man with golden retriever energy, his love language is giving, and he certainly showed it today. From the minute you woke up, he was pampering you. Your day started with brunch in bed; Noah served you your favorite breakfast foods along with his version of bottomless mimosas. The tray was filled with freshly baked pancakes, fluffy scrambled eggs, crispy bacon, and a small fruit platter that looked like it belonged in a magazine. He refilled your glass with a smile, ensuring you had everything. Every detail, from the freshly squeezed orange juice to the perfectly chilled champagne, was meticulously prepared to make you feel cherished and adored. As you enjoyed the delicious meal, he sat beside you, his eyes shining with joy and affection, soaking in every moment of your happiness. This was just the beginning of a day filled with love and surprises.

After your giant breakfast, he hurried you into the shower, where he joined you. The warm water cascaded over both of you as he gently helped you wash your hair, his fingers working through the strands tenderly. He gave you a scalp massage that felt like a full-body experience, his hands skillfully kneading away any tension. Every touch was deliberate, ensuring no part of you was left untouched or unworshipped. He moved with loving precision, his hands gliding over your skin, leaving a trail of warmth and relaxation. The intimacy of the moment, combined with the soothing rhythm of the water, made you feel cherished and adored. This was more than just a shower; it was an act of love, a celebration of your bond.

After begrudgingly leaving the shower, you both got dressed for a day full of fun and laughter. He took you everywhere, and anywhere you wanted to go. Your first stop was a romantic trip to the aquarium, where you marveled at your favorite sea animals. The gentle swaying of the jellyfish, the otters' playful antics, and the sharks' majestic glide captivated both of you, filling your hearts with wonder.

Next, you had a picnic lunch in the botanical gardens, surrounded by your favorite flowers. The air was filled with the sweet fragrance of blooming roses, and the vibrant colors of the garden created a picturesque backdrop. You sat on a cozy blanket, enjoying the delicious food Noah had packed, from sandwiches to fresh fruit and homemade baked goods. Laughter and conversation flowed easily, making the moment feel magical.

The day's final stop was a pottery place, where you got to pick pieces to glaze together. You opted for a mug, imagining cozy mornings sipping coffee, while Noah chose a dog bowl for your puppy. As you both carefully applied the glaze, you couldn't help but giggle at the splatters of paint and the creative designs you came up with. The experience was fun and intimate, a perfect ending to an incredible day.

Once you got home from your long but fun day, you found a little black dress on the bed. “Put it on,” he gently said with a smile. As you slipped into the dress, feeling the luxurious fabric against your skin, Noah quickly dressed up alongside you. He looked dashing in his suit, his eyes twinkling with excitement. Hand in hand, he led you to the nicest restaurant in town. The ambiance was perfect, with soft lighting, elegant decor, and the gentle hum of live music in the background. The host greeted you warmly and escorted you to a private table adorned with candles and fresh flowers. The evening unfolded like a dream, with exquisite dishes, fine wine, and heartfelt conversation.

As the night progressed, you both eventually made your way back home. Noah sat on the bed, looking more beautiful than ever. After all the effort he put into making today so unique, you wanted to do something special for him. You start to make your way over to him seductively, ensuring every move catches his eye. His gaze follows your every step, filled with anticipation and admiration. As you finally reach him, you straddle him and feel the warmth of his body beneath you. You lean in and give him a kiss filled with pure passion and hunger, your lips melding together in a fiery dance. Running your fingers down his arm, your hands interlock, creating a connection that sends shivers down your spine.

“I want to make you feel good,” you whisper, your breath hot against his ear. He gently moans, a sound that stirs a deep hunger within you. You continue to kiss him, your lips trailing down to his neck, tasting the salt of his skin as his heartbeat quickens. Your hands roam over his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his breaths as you both lose yourselves in the moment. Noah's hands move to your waist, pulling you closer, his touch igniting a fire within you.

The room fades away, leaving just the two of you in this intimate bubble. Your whispered promises and his soft responses create a symphony of desire, filling the space between you with a palpable energy. You pull back slightly, looking into his eyes, seeing the same hunger reflected in them. "Let me take care of you tonight," you murmur, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead. His eyes close as he leans into your touch, a contented smile on his lips.

You guide Noah’s hands to the zipper on the back of your dress, encouraging him to undress you. He takes the opportunity to tease you, his fingers lingering at the zipper before slowly, tantalizingly undoing it. Each inch the zipper descends feels like an eternity, heightening your anticipation and driving you wild. He peppers your neck with soft kisses and gentle nips, his breath warm against your skin as he continues. The combination of his deliberate touch and the sensual assault on your neck sends shivers down your spine, making your pulse race. His hands glide over your exposed skin as the dress loosens, adding to the electric charge between you.

It was your turn to undress him. Slowly, you unbuttoned his shirt, your fingers lingering on each button, grazing his skin with every movement. His breath hitched with each touch, his eyes locked onto yours with anticipation. You slid the shirt off his shoulders, letting it fall to the floor, and trailed your fingers down his chest, planting soft kisses along the way. You savored the moment, enjoying how his body responded to your touch. As you reached his belt, you looked up at him with a mischievous smile, taking your time to undo it and then sliding his pants down. Once the both of you were entirely naked, you both locked lips again.

With one hand traveling down between your thighs, Noah put his other hand on the back of your neck and pulled you down so he could kiss you deeply. Despite the intensity of his kiss, you could barely concentrate as his fingers continued to move with delicate and expert precision on your clit. The sensation sent waves of pleasure coursing through your body, making it hard to focus on anything else but the overwhelming ecstasy building within you. Noah's touch was both tender and skillful, his every movement sending you closer and closer to the edge of bliss. With each stroke, each caress, he brought you higher until you were teetering on the brink of release, lost in the intoxicating rhythm of his touch and the passion of his kiss.

You pulled back a little to look into his eyes. “Lay back,” you said. Noah complied, propping himself up on the pillows. As you climbed back on top of him, you positioned yourself at his entrance. With slow, deliberate movements, you began to sink down onto him, feeling the exquisite sensation of being filled. As your bodies joined, you both moaned in unison, the shared pleasure amplifying the intimacy of the moment. He placed both hands on your hips, guiding your movements as you rocked back and forth, each motion sending waves of pleasure coursing through you. The sensation of his touch, combined with the rhythmic friction between your bodies, heightened the connection between you, deepening the intimacy of your lovemaking.

The more you continued, the harder it was for him to sit back. Sensing his increasing urgency, he changed tactics and pulled you closer to him, his grip firm yet tender. You felt him slightly lifting off the bed, his hips rocking back and forth in a synchronized rhythm with yours. The new angle intensified the sensations coursing through your bodies, heightening the pleasure and deepening your connection. Lost in the moment, you moved together in perfect harmony, each movement bringing you closer to the peak of ecstasy.

He changed positions swiftly yet gently, flipping you onto your back. He positioned your legs on his shoulders with precision and care, creating a new angle. You gazed up at him, feeling a rush of anticipation and desire as he leaned in closer, his eyes locked with yours. In this new position, every touch and every movement sends sparks of pleasure coursing through your body, igniting a fiery passion between you.

In the heat of passion, you and Noah lose yourselves in the rhythm of your affectionate intimacy. With each thrust and caress, your connection deepens, as if every touch speaks volumes of unspoken words. The room fills with the sound of your shared moans and the symphony of your bodies moving together in perfect harmony. As the intensity builds, you feel yourselves teetering on the edge of ecstasy, on the brink of release. Noah's movements become more urgent, his touch more vibrant, as he strives to bring you both to the highest level of satisfaction. And then, with a shared gasp and a final surge of passion, you both reach the peak, exploding in a cascade of blissful release.

Breathless and spent, you collapse into each other's arms, your hearts racing synchronously. In the quiet aftermath, you bask in the warmth of your shared intimacy. As you lay there, entwined in each other's embrace, you know that this moment will be a testament to the depth of your love and the beauty of your connection. Nuzzling closer to Noah, you drift into a peaceful slumber, eagerly anticipating the next four years' adventures.

#bad omens band #noah sebastian #bad omens #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens fic #fanfic #noah sebastian davis #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian x you #noah sebastian fic #noah sebastian smut

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justkending · 3 days

Text

Mr. & Mrs. Hunt (Chapter 2)

Series Summary: Two of the most stubborn people in the group partnered together for an undercover mission are also the two people with the most hatred for each other, so what could go wrong? Or is it, what COULDN’T go wrong?…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger Reader

Word Count: 3900+

A/N Note: You guys... Thank you for the overwhelming support on this series. You guys are the sweetest :) I've loved reading your series and promise I love them; just haven't had the chance to respond! Again, thank you for the love, as it's all turned back to you!

As for the chapter... Let's make it more fun (otherwise known as interesting) ;)

_________________

Bucky’s POV

Hidden bugs weren’t new business to us, so after disposing of the picture frame, they gifted us with a note saying, “For your new home, and your first picture in it! ;)”... It was an easy ‘accidental’ drop.

However, quickly after that, wouldn’t you know it? A new basket showed up on our porch with another set of welcome-to-the-neighborhood gifts from the whole neighborhood this time…

Y/N had ‘accidentally’ placed the newly potted plant, that they had somehow added a very impressively hidden camera on, too close to the edge of the entryway table, so when she came through the door quickly with her arms full of more boxes, the pot was no longer usable. Shame… We did buy our own pot for said plant, so we still got a new piece of greenery without the bugs.

After those two failed attempts, we hoped our show of clumsiness warded off the assholes and made us less intimidating. And yes, I use that word because I could read easily from our first meeting that they were sizing us up. Analyzing our act and manipulating themselves into our lives in a careful yet planned manner.

For extra measure on the clumsy showcase, Y/N drove into the trashcans I had forgotten to pull to the curb, making a public display of her character’s clumsiness. Though I later learned she was actually just pissed that I forgot to put them out and found a way for me to pay the consequences in our squabble on the lawn.

A squabble that started out a hundred percent authentic and then turned into a fake makeup season when the neighbors peaked their heads out.

“This jughead would forget his head if it weren’t on his shoulders,” Y/N slapped my chest before patting it harshly and smiling at the seventy-year-old next-door neighbor, Gertrude, who always happened to find her rose bushes interesting, only when people were outside.

She smiled and laughed at Y/N’s wide grin before waving her on as she snipped a few thorns.

“God, I hate it here,” Y/N said through her teeth, holding her fake smile as she walked past me into the house.

A few more preplanned acts happened while we were outside to show the community that our accidental breaking of their bugs was just that—accidental. It was not planned and discovered at all.

It had been two weeks so far, and we’d already been invited to a food truck social, a street parade for a family leaving the neighborhood, and an outdoor movie night. All events you would have thought had the same planning committee as the MET Gala with how thorough they were… At least, that's what Y/N said, and I choose to believe that it holds some form of significance.

Tonight, we went over to another couple's house that was high up in the HOA group for a neighborhood barbeque, one where Y/N’s damn lilac tennis dress she had worn to workout with a neighbor, made more than half the dads and men too old and married to be staring, struggle to keep their eyes off her.

I had told her that keeping a hand on her during most of the party was for the act, but genuinely, I didn’t care for how the men of the group gawked at her. Something gave me a bad feeling about it. And I didn’t understand why Y/N wasn’t phased at all or even slightly uneasy, considering she was just as trained as me to assess and sense all that attention.

As soon as we were behind closed doors back in our secure home, my first question was, “Did you really not feel their eyes on you?”

She was in the middle of taking off her shoes, talking about some information she had gotten from a group of stay-at-home wives, something related to our mission, but I couldn’t seem to wrap my head around how unphased she was with the unnerving type of attention she was getting there.

“What?” She paused as she bent to take off a tennis shoe.

“All those guys, the husbands, and pervs at the cookout. You didn’t notice them staring at you?” I asked again, rolling my sleeves of button-down I had on up to my elbow.

She stared at me for a moment and then rolled her eyes as if she had figured out where I was going with this. Spoiler: she was far off the mark.

“Listen, if you’re saying that thanks to this dress, which, yes, is a little short, but who the hell cares, is the reason why men were,” she straightened, kicking off both her shoes fluently, now only in socks. “Gawking at me, as you put it-.”

“I didn’t say that,” I straightened, furrowing my eyebrows.

“Oh, but you did,” she sassed with a shrug, continuing. “Under your breath when you came up, and you staked your claim by never taking your arm away from my waist for the night.”

“I didn’t say that,” I shook my head. I said it in my head, but I hadn’t said that out loud… Had I?

“Ugh, whether you did or didn’t, I could tell you were judging,” she huffed, rolled her shoulders, and walked past me to the kitchen, going straight to the fridge.

It took me a minute, but I figured out where her mind had gone. “I was judging them, Y/N,” I shook my head. “I was judging the horny, married, and dusty-ass men that couldn’t keep their damn tongue from falling to the floor with you in the vicinity. Like their wives had deprived them of any kind of physical touch for the last decade, and they couldn’t keep it in their pants any longer.”

I realized I may have explained more of my thought process than I intended, but she shut the fridge door she had hidden behind and turned to me, scanning, assessing.

“You were jealous.” The corner of her lip raised at her statement.

“What?” I scoffed. “No, loser,” I scoffed again, and clearly, I wasn’t selling my answer because she didn’t lose her growing grin. “I just took notice of how much attention you got, and it concerned me that the ideas most of those men were having were far from civil ones.”

She stared at me for a minute, and I felt uncomfortable in my own skin as she weighed her options regarding how she wanted to react. We still had plenty of fights, but they have been somewhat decreasing lately, and I was hoping we could keep that streak going.

Her assessing stopped, and her grin grew again. “Awe, the Tinman does have a heart.”

And she ruined it. Surprise, surprise.

“It’s sweet that you care, old man,” she twisted the lid to the drink she had pulled out of the fridge and took a swig before looking at me. “But that’s just a day in the life of a woman. Nothing new to me or anyone with the double X chromosomes.” She shrugged nonchalantly.

“I mean, obviously, people look at you,” I started, and she balanced her elbows on the counter before resting her chin on her fist. I continued before I realized my wording. “Before you-”

“Obviously?” She emphasized my word choice. “Keeping notes on an awful lot of things lately, huh, Buck?” she whispered my name like it was a secret, and I knew it was for the odd case someone could hear us, but something about her tone made my chest freeze. “Tell me, what else do you notice…?” She tilted her head one way as she stared at me.

I wasn’t going to lie and say her words didn’t flustered me, but as a reflex, I jumped back into the normal banter.

“You’re not funny, jackass,” I deadpanned and turned on my heel to walk away.

“Oh, stop being such a baby,” she shouted after me, and I heard her sock-clad feet slide on the hardwoods to catch up with me. “Listen, I think it’s nice you’re taking notice of stuff like this. Most men never pay attention to those kinds of things because they don’t have to. It’s not really a normal day-to-day experience for them, so they don’t get it. They don’t HAVE to get it.”

I stopped and turned in my march, and she slid into me from just two steps behind me. I caught her easily, bracing my hands on her biceps to steady her. She let out a huff of air as our chests flushed to each other and then looked up at me.

“You’re murder strut is too fast for me to keep up with,” she mumbled, scrunching her nose in a relaxed way.

I closed my eyes for a minute but didn’t let go of her before I channeled back my seriousness.

“I’ve learned men are assholes, trust me. In this field, we come across some of the worst misogynistic weasels to exist. Wear whatever you want. You have scary dog privileges now. The attire issue isn't what I was getting at,” I replied, thinking of the reference the Parker kid had explained to me recently.

Her smile was unlike any I had the pleasure to be on the receiving end of, and I immediately mentally captured it, worried that I’d never experience the genuineness she was sharing with me in this moment again.

“Scary dog privileges, huh? Someone’s been brushing up on their TikTok trends.” She laughed, scanning my face as I scanned hers. “Peter finally invested in his version of Duolingo? This one labeled new-age-slang-for-100-years-and-older?”

“Actually called, Born-in-1910’s-and-on-the-comeback-of-a-70-year-coma-new-age-lingo. Very helpful,” I retorted, and the surprise on her face as she laughed at me made my grip on her soften, my thumb unconsciously running over the bone on her wrist.

The action brought both of our eyes to the feeling, and in the next second, we had three feet between us.

“I’m going to go take a shower.” Her rush to get around me in the narrow hall caused her to brush along my arm, and it was like the sparks that ignited when I held her tried to reach out for each other again in the brief contact.

“I’ll be in the kitchen,” I grumbled, walking quickly in the opposite direction.

____________________

Y/N’s POV

The last two weeks have been frustrating, but somehow, Bucky and I have learned we work together surprisingly well. We still had our bickering fights and annoying quarrels, but stick us in a house for a few weeks, and we realized we did well at balancing each other out.

Where I hated doing the dishes, he made sure they were done every night. Where he hated doing laundry, I folded and sorted the linens and clothes. I hated cooking, and he somehow was really good at it. I loved to bake when we had free time, and he loved to taste test. I sucked at most things gardening-wise, and he had shown me how to prune overgrown flowers in our gardening bed. Bucky sucked at interior decorating, so I was in charge of making our fake abode look like a real one.

Overall, we do pretty well, considering we hate each other's guts. Ok, well… I don’t necessarily hate his guts, even if I act it. I just have a very low tolerance for his bullshit and don’t mask my frustrations when they hit their limits. As for being a fake wife to him where he has to treat me well… He’s been a picture-perfect husband from a suburban wife’s perspective.

The only thing we’ve successfully avoided that I was worried about is sharing the same bed.

After confirming with the higher-ups that our house was bug-free, we claimed our own rooms (me in the master, of course) and set up our own space. Keeping the facade of a happy married couple outside of those rooms and the house was easy, but I dreaded the day we would have to show more affection and closeness than what we already had.

So far, a kiss on the cheek, holding hands, a hug from behind, and a normal amount of PDA that showed we were in our honeymoon phase yet did not want to make others fully uncomfortable did the job enough. But after Bethanne commented about when we planned on having kids, I figured we might need to bump up our act since she gave a passive comment about us being ‘rather tamed for a newlywed couple.’

Before I could bring up the comment to Bucky once we got home, he seemed more bothered by the men at the party than anything.

I didn’t expect him to notice such a minute thing, but if there was one thing I had learned about Bucky these last few weeks, it’s that he’s very attentive to details I wouldn’t expect him to be on.

Then, to further my confusion about the situation, something seemed different in our intimate hallway space run-in, and both of us scurried away as if the touch of each other burned.

After my shower, I got dressed in my pajamas and heard the TV still on in the living room, where Bucky tended to station himself for a few hours before bed. Well, his bedtime. Another thing about us was that I wasn’t much of a night owl, but I did appreciate knowing someone was on alert while I slept. And even if he didn’t do it for that reason, I’m sure, I liked hearing the TV still on when I tended to wake up in the middle of the night. I felt safer…

“Hey,” I leaned against the wall coming into the living room and saw that he had Brooklyn Nine-Nine on with a computer sat in his lap.

He looked up and gave me a quick head nod before going back to the screen in front of him. “What’s up?”

“Just needed to fill you in on some of the things I learned at the cookout,” I let out a yawn as the day caught up with me and moved to the single chair across from him on the couch.

“Hit me,” he rolled his shoulders back, never looking away from the blue light.

“Don’t ask for things you don’t really want,” I teased, and he looked above the screen at me with a glance that seemed to be holding back a smile before rolling his eyes.

“What’d you learn?” he followed up with.

I went on to tell him about the neighborhood drama. All things that may or may not have any major plays to our mission, but information nonetheless.

“Did you ask any of them about work?” Bucky asked once I had covered most everything.

Our undercover jobs were simple. I worked from home as a data entry clerk. Something boring that Charolette Hunt has been hoping to get out of and find her passion. All this led to me asking around about job connections and if there was anything I could swap over to for a ‘more exciting work life,’ otherwise known as drug trafficking jobs if they were available.

As for Beau Hunt, Bucky’s cover, he was the owner of a transportation company. Considering how well he was doing, he took the last two weeks off to move into his first home with his new wife before having to get back into the work ethic he had been thriving in the last ten years.

All perfect pieces to get the answers and resources from our sketchy neighbors we came here for.

“I asked Katrina, one of the wives of a guy who works closely alongside Reggie. I figured that was a good seed to plant,” I answered, pulling my legs up to my chest and resting my chin on my knees as I watched Jake Peralta chase a bad guy down the streets of New York. I missed the homeland. “She said she’d ask around, which is what I needed. What about you? Any of the 'dusty-ass husbands' have fun details to share?”

“Nothing more than statistics of sports teams and rookie starters for the state college basketball team,” he sighed, and I turned over to see him staring at me before turning back to his computer quickly. “Reggie was giving me a hard time, though.”

“Oh yeah?” I hummed, angling myself to him. “Bethanne was giving me a hard time, too.”

“Think it’s related to the same thing?” Bucky chuckled, looking back at me, but whatever was in his eyes just seconds ago was gone now.

“Say on the count of three?” I smirked.

“One,” he nodded.

“Two.”

“Three.”

“When we’re going to consider joining parenthood,” Bucky said.

“When we’re having kids,” I said at the same time. “Almost a jinx if you didn’t word it so damn robotically. Did fucking Vision channel into your damn cyborg brain?” I laughed, and I heard a slight scoff from his direction before I rolled my head back and looked up at the ceiling. I stayed quiet until Bucky broke me out of my thoughts twenty seconds later.

“What are you thinking?” I heard the computer shut and then be placed on the cushion next to him. “I can hear the gears working past their limit.” His weak version of a retort.

I lulled my stare at him and deadpanned a bitchface at him. “You talking to yourself again?” He rolled his eyes at my comeback, and I decided to bypass the banter. “I think we need to step our game up. Ms. Bethanne thinks we’re ‘tamed’ for a newlywed couple. In other words, she thinks we’re prudes.”

“We’ve hit the PDA marks we need to,” Bucky stiffened just enough for a trained eye to see, but he tried to brush it off as getting comfortable in his spot.

“Hmm, so maybe one of us is a prude,” I shrugged, moving my legs under me and leaning on one side of the chair.

We hadn't kissed, although I would peck one on his cheek, and he would place one on top of my head. But that's as far as either of us had been willing to go.

I know our job may require us to go beyond that, and I was willing to keep it strictly professional even if necessary, but Bucky seemed to want to avoid it by all means. Message received.

“I’m not a prude. I just don’t understand why people have to be so touchy in public. It makes everyone uncomfortable,” he argued.

“Not everyone finds discomfort in those acts. A lot of people think it’s cute.”

“I’m not one of those fucking people.”

“Well, you better figure out pretty fucking quick how to become one of those people because this operation kinda depends on it.” I sighed, standing up and stretching. “Listen, I know you hate me and all, but if we’re going to get this done and over with, we need to-”

“I’ve never said I hate you,” Bucky interrupted. I looked down and saw him staring at me with stern eyes.

“Actions have convinced me otherwise.”

“The same could be said for you.”

“I don’t hate you,” I clarified after carefully studying him for lies.

It was an intense stare-off, but not one where I felt like I had to win it. One where I felt we were both taking a step into new territory, and neither of us knew what to expect.

Bucky’s burner phone rang right before I could follow up with my peace offering, and we saw it was the fake caller ID Steve was under. He picked it up and put it on speaker.

“What’s up, punk?” he answered, and Steve scoffed on the other end.

“Just your biweekly check-in. Anything interesting enough to make this phone call longer than 5 minutes?” he asked.

“Don’t think so,” Bucky sighed and filled him in on the steps we had taken to further the investigation. Planting our gossip seeds where necessary and waiting for the garden to grow.

The call ended with Steve informing Bucky that he ‘started back at work’ tomorrow and would need to go to a specific meeting spot for updates. A way for us to get news that couldn’t be tracked with phone calls and messages. And after two weeks of gathering information and only four check-ins in that time, things were meant to pick up now.

I had decided to head back to my room when a normal conversation between the two started up and strayed from the mission talk. Then, about 10 minutes later, Bucky was in my doorway as I got ready for bed.

“Sorry, Steve wanted to know if we had torn each other’s heads off yet. Nat and him have a bet going,” he said, leaning on the doorway and crossing his arms over his chest.

I shrugged, pulling the comforter back on the bed. “No need to apologize. And who’s winning?”

“Steve gave it 3 weeks, so he’s still in the running.”

“He’s being generous,” I laughed, fluffing a pillow before sitting on the edge and looking at him.

“I don’t know. I think we’ve managed to stay surprisingly civil given our relationship,” he smiled softly as if the conversation wasn’t dangerous grounds and could easily go one way or the other.

“Helps that we have to act for most of it,” I fiddled with my nails.

“Would you rather we didn’t get along?” he asked, and I could see the start of our normal frustration with each other trickle back into his tone.

I stared at him for a minute. Not sure what my goal was here, but it definitely had flipped from wanting to make every minute with him, his own personal hell.

“Fighting has become tiresome. I’m content tolerating the situation.” A bit of a hypocritical response, sounding robotic, but there was no lie behind it.

He stared at me like I had to him.

“Right. Tolerating,” he nodded with pursed lips, pushing off the door frame and walking down the hall to his room.

Something about his attitude made it hard for me to brush off the change in tension. I stood up and walked down the hall. When he was already in his room, I was taking up as much space as I could in his doorway now.

“What’s with the annoyance?” I asked, looking at him as he arranged some things on his nightstand. He turned around, body lax and almost defeated looking.

“I’m not annoyed. Why would I be annoyed with you ‘tolerating me’?” he said nonchalantly with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I don’t know, but you clearly are,” I gestured to him and crossed my arms. “Would you rather I treat you how I have before this? I mean, we can go back to-”

“Obviously not, Y/N,” he cut me off with a scoff, and I was shocked at the sheer anger that I would suggest such a thing. His use of obviously made my brain scramble as well… The second time, that word had messed with me tonight.

“You’re confusing as hell, Barnes,” I squinted my eyes at him and decided I wasn’t in the mood to handle a bipolar 100-year-old man tonight. Maybe it was best if I just called it a night.

Turning in my spot four steps away, I didn’t expect the hand around my bicep to stop me in the middle of the hall, leading to a pensive look on his face as he stared at me.

“What?” I furrowed my eyes at him and looked at the contact unwavering on my elbow.

“I—” he started and then stopped. An internal war played out with surprising clarity on his face. I raised my eyebrows and waited.

We stared for an hour—okay, nine seconds—but it’s all the same with that level of intensity.

“Never mind.” He dropped my arm and took a step back.

“Seriously?”

“I don’t want to start something.”

“There’s something to start?”

“No, but I’ll wait until you’re in a better mood to,” he debated on his wording. “Discuss it,” he settled on, turning on his heel.

“I’m not in a bad mood,” I huffed, and yeah… That didn’t help proving my point.

“Sure thing,” he shook his head before walking into his room, carrying on as if he hadn’t dropped a strange and confusing bomb on me that I now needed answers to.

“Goodnight to you, too,” I grumbled as I walked to my room and shut the door behind me.

Marvel Tags:

@thejourneyneverendsx @death-unbecomes-you @mythos-writes @srrymydood @xa-dia @redhairedfeistynerd @morganclaire4 @connie326 @captain-asguard @mollygetssherlockcoffee @teenagedreams-bucky @shower-me-with-roses @livstilinski @basicallylool @starryeyeseunbyul

My Lovelies forever:

@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente @kakakatey @traceyaudette @notyourtypicalrose @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @thefaithfulwriter1 @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted @snffbeebee @couldabeenamermaid @rebekahdawkins @alyispunk @billyseye @hallecarey1

Bucky Barnes Tags:

@chloe-skywalker @charmedbysarge @jbarness @bellamy-barnes @katiaw2 @aikeia @stopjustlovethemcu @enchantedbarnes

Mr. & Mrs. Hunt Series:

@jackiehollanderr @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @theroyalmanatee @wintrsoldrluvr @alexakeyloveloki

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes #justkending #marvel series #marvel #bucky barnes series #reader insert #marvel fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader insert #bucky barnes x avenger reader #bucky barnes mini series

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penkura · 3 days

Text

knowing [6/8]

Summary: Sanji knew you were the one the moment he met you.

Pairing: Sanji x Reader

Warnings: None really. Normal One Piece stuff I guess.

Note: Its Whole Cake Island time!! :') This arc made me cry, I really like it at a lot. Sanji finding his raid suit is different than the canon, because I forgot how he found it. :)

[Ch. 1] ● [Ch. 2] ● [Ch. 3] ● [Ch. 4] ● [Ch. 5]

Arriving at Zou with the rest of your crew, you wanted nothing more than to see Sanji, hug Nami, and take a nap on Sunny. Bartolomeo's crew and ship were fine, but they weren't your home or family, it was hard for you to sleep without Sanji nearby and knowing Nami wasn't directing the ship and knew exactly where you were going. A few times you were afraid Bartolomeo's navigator was going to get you all lost on your way but eventually you made it, climbing up after everyone else and sticking close by Robin once you'd made it to the top.

The Minks eventually helped bring you back to everyone else, but Nami hugged you tightly after she'd hugged Luffy, whispering an apology that confused you.

"Nami, what–"

"Sanji's gone, I'm sorry. I couldn't…couldn't stop it."

Your head was starting to spin, you couldn't get any words out. Nami took your hand and dragged you away to the room the Minks had let her stay in, she explained everything.

Capone Bege's crew had shown up saying something about being there to retrieve Sanji, an arranged marriage between him and one of Big Mom's daughters being the cause. Nami told you even Sanji was shocked, but he chose to go with them to settle things and return to you all. He'd told her, Chopper, and Brook he never meant to hide anything from you all, and made her promise to give you a note he'd quickly written, which she did after she finished explaining, hugging you again while you sat frozen in place.

Sanji was being forced into an arranged marriage and you hadn't even been there to go with him or to stop him from going. The way it sounded, he wouldn't have even let you go with him, but you would have fought to do so. But, what did this mean for you two and your relationship? Only three of your crew members knew, what if he decided to stay and marry this girl, to leave you? Zoro and Nami would probably kill him if he did so and broke your heart, but you had faith in Sanji. You were certain he'd return to you, to the Straw Hats in general.

You were his family, not whoever these people who were forcing him into marriage were.

Nami left you alone a few minutes later so you could process what was happening and read the small note from Sanji, even though it ended up making you cry and hate yourself for staying in Dressrosa while he went to Zou.

[Y/N], my love,

I WILL come back to you. I'm not going to marry anyone that ISN'T you, I swear.

+!+

A while later, you heard a knock on the door that woke you from the small nap you'd fallen into. Thinking it was Nami, you didn't bother to check and told whoever it was to come in, being slightly surprised to see it was Zoro.

Not that surprised though, he'd made it clear to everyone, by his actions, that he thought of you like an older sister, and wanted to be sure you were all right.

"You okay? You never came down after Nami."

Sitting up a bit, you nodded and started brushing your fingers through your hair. You didn't want to talk much about the stuff going on with Sanji, but figured Zoro knew that when he came over and sat beside you.

"That idiot cook is in love with you, he's not gonna marry that girl."

"I know that." You passed the note over to Zoro, not caring if he read it. He did so quickly before handing it back to you, making you wonder if he really did read it or if he didn't care enough about Sanji to bother. Zoro, instead, ended up pulling you to him, which made you start to cry again. Not at all his intention, but you were so tired, physically and emotionally, that you couldn't help it. You'd been so looking forward to seeing Sanji, the last two years had been long enough away from him; now he was gone and on his way to try and get out of an arranged marriage, leaving you behind without being able to say anything in person.

Zoro was the only one who knew about Sanji's intentions to marry you. About the ring he'd bought in Dressrosa for you. There was no way he was going to let some stupid arranged marriage keep you two from getting married. Zoro knew that.

"You're going with them. Nami, Luffy, Chopper, and Brook are going after him, they're taking you along."

"O-Okay…" You nodded and sniffled a bit more, trying to calm yourself so you could go back to everyone. You could hear what sounded like a party going on, probably thanks to Luffy making friends with the Minks. "What a-about you?"

"I'm going on to Wano. You show up without that curly brow and I'm going to find him and kill him."

"Zoro, you can't just kill him."

"He hurts you and I will."

"Oh my gosh, you're the worst brother ever."

+!+

The next morning, your group split off from Zoro's group to head for Whole Cake Island. You thought the name sounded funny, but also were worried about entering the territory of one of the Four Emperors of the Sea. You'd heard Big Mom could be fearsome, and were terrified of meeting any of her numerous children for the same potential reason.

When you landed there finally, sticky from syrup rain and tired, you had no time to rest as Luffy and Chopper ended up eating an entire chocolate building, completely horrifying you as what appeared to be the police of the area appeared and were chastising them, until a girl with brown hair in pigtails showed up and played along that she'd asked them to do so.

She took you all to another building, introducing herself as Charlotte Pudding, the girl Sanji was supposed to marry in a few short days. Hearing her talk about him and how kind he was made you grip the hem of your dress tightly, biting your tongue until it hurt. You didn't want to feel jealous, Sanji's was yours, but you couldn't help it.

Pudding was pretty and perfect, and seemed more like Sanji's type than you. You wouldn't blame him if he agreed to marry her, but you knew he wouldn't. He'd never leave you after the amount of time you'd been together and how much you loved each other.

He…he wouldn't…right?

"He said he'd marry me if he could, but he wanted to return to his crew, and there was someone else he'd given his heart to."

While everyone else was shocked Sanji turned down a girl, Nami glanced over and caught you gritting your teeth, your lips pressed in a thin line. She knew you and Sanji were together, you'd told her and Robin after the events at Water Seven, and she hated seeing you this way. So worried and jealous at the same time. You should have been relieved to hear he told Pudding you had his heart, but it just scared you for some reason. Like it would be used by Big Mom or one of her numerous other kids as a way to hurt Sanji more than hurt you.

Nami reached over quietly and grabbed your hand under the table, squeezing it to let you know she was there. You gave her a small smile, which she knew was fake.

Once Pudding gave you all directions to the Seducing Woods and you were on your way, you stayed out on Sunny's deck, just watching the cotton candy clouds roll by.

"It's kind of pretty here." Nami hadn't startled you, you nodded at her when she spoke and came to stand beside you. "You've been lost in thought for a good while. Care to share?"

Shaking your head, you continued to stare at the sky, wishing none of this was happening.

"Hey, it's going to be alright. We'll get Sanji back and you two can go back to being grossly cute and in love with each other."

"What if he changes his mind?"

"Hm?"

"What if he changes his mind and decides he wants to marry Pudding? She's so pretty, how do I compete with the daughter of Big Mom?"

Rolling her eyes, Nami sighed and hugged you a bit. Of course you'd feel insecure about everything happening, Pudding really was pretty, but Nami knew that didn't matter to Sanji when it came to you. He'd always thought you were the most beautiful girl he'd ever met, but actually getting to know you over time, he'd told Nami he fell head over heels for your personality and your soul, your looks were secondary to everything else. Sanji loved you because of who you were, not what you looked like, despite his initial attraction to you being based on looks.

"You're not gonna compete with her. She said she wasn't going to marry him, right?"

"Yeah, but–"

"No buts, she said it's not happening. So unless she's lied to us, your relationship with Sanji will be fine. We'll get him back, don't worry."

You hugged Nami back and agreed with her, but still had a feeling of fear and worry in your heart. Nothing was right about all of this, you just had a feeling that something was wrong, but you weren't sure what it was. You didn't want to find out, you hoped your instincts were wrong, that the fear and worry would go away after a bit more information came to you.

You hoped for it, but also accepted that it was likely not going to happen.

+!+

"Sanji!!! Hey!!"

After being tricked by Pudding to the Seducing Woods, Luffy fought against one of the Sweet Generals, Charlotte Cracker, through the night. It took hours after you were separated from Brook, Chopper, Carrot, and Pedro, you and Nami safely atop one of the Homies thanks to Lola's piece of Big Mom's vivre card. Once he'd finally defeated him, the Homie you were on carried the three of you towards Totto Land, and you'd made it just in time to catch the carriage taking Sanji and his family to the castle.

But the look Sanji gave when he saw Luffy, then Nami, then you, you'd never seen such a horrified look on his face. Luffy flung himself to the carriage, catching Sanji up on everything that had happened since he was taken by Bege's crew, and you had some hope it'd bring him back to you all.

Until Sanji kicked Luffy from the carriage.

"Get lost…you miserable, inferior pirates!"

Your heart clenched, and you barely strained out his name.

"My name…is Vinsmoke Sanji."

A last name. You'd never known. Anytime you asked Sanji about his family or where he was from, he'd smile sweetly and tell you he wasn't at a point where he could talk about it yet. You accepted that answer, not wanting to push him into something he wasn't comfortable doing or talking about. You always figured you two would sit together one day when he was ready and he'd tell you everything. Never did you expect or want to find out this way.

"And I'm…a prince of Germa Kingdom!! Forgive me for hiding this from you!"

Please, [Y/N], I didn't want you to find out this way.

"Sanji, please." You stepped forward a bit, wanting him to stop and just come with you all.

I didn't need to know!

"If I had told you, it would only have made you self-conscious. The difference in status between us is obvious. Here, I have all the money, soldiers, and servants I can use!"

This isn't you. What have they done to you in a matter of days?

You hated it, every bit of it. This wasn't the Sanji you knew, it wasn't him at all. He never cared about money or anything like that. He'd always told you his past didn't matter, because all he could see was a future with you and the Straw Hats. Something had happened, in the few days you'd been apart, that changed the sweet, loving man you knew. What it was, you didn't know, you just knew something was wrong.

"If my choice is between returning to you and your chuckle-headed crewmates, and living in luxury here with Big Mom's beautiful daughter as my wife…which do you think will make me happier?!"

Nami was angry on your behalf, on the behalf of Luffy as well. For Luffy, because he'd been the one to recruit Sanji and convince him to go with you all.

For you because of your relationship with him, and the insecurity you'd felt after meeting Pudding. Your face was blank, but the tears welling up in your eyes made her even angrier.

"There's no comparison! Stop taking that letter seriously! I'm not going back!!"

Just leave, please! I can't have your blood on my hands!

You didn't want to hear another word, you actually wanted to take Luffy and Nami, leave and forget about this whole retrieval mission. At least, you thought you did, until the next thing Sanji said.

"I don't even know if you really can become king of the Pirates! I'm through playing pirate with your rag-tag crew," Sanji looked over at you, trying his hardest not to flee the carriage and pull you to him, he had to do something to keep you safe and even hated the next words out of his own mouth, "and I'm tired of playing romance, we're done."

"Sanji!!"

Luffy took it upon himself, of course, to try and fight Sanji to force him back. You stayed with Nami, Sanji's words replaying over and over in your head. You barely paid attention to the fight, even after Sanji returned to the carriage and Luffy yelled out to him that he'd never eat anyone else's food because Sanji was his chef, how he couldn't become king of the Pirates without him.

You felt a rush of adrenaline and ran up beside your captain who had just fallen to the ground, and took your turn shouting at the departing carriage.

"Sanji!!! I don't care what you said, I love you! You know I do!! I know we weren't just playing romance! I'll wait for you to come back too!!"

You didn't know if he actually heard you, but you hoped and prayed he did, while you collapsed by Luffy, the exhaustion of the last two days hitting you finally, along with the aching in your heart.

+!+

"Playing romance?? Is that what you've been doing as a pirate? Ha!" Yonji laughed at your shouted confession, while Sanji continued to cry over everything that had happened.

Luffy was determined to get him back, despite the fact he'd tried to drive him off, forcing you all to leave.

Nami slapped him which he knew he deserved, he'd hurt his closest friends and the pain from that was far worse than her slap.

And then you. You, his sweet, kind, patient, loving girlfriend, how could he do that to you, of all people? He was certain his family didn't know whether he looked at you or Nami, but when he locked eyes with you, the tears starting down your face as he just broke up with you, claiming it was just playing romance when he'd never do such a thing to you, it hurt him worse than anything else that had just happened.

Your yelling didn't help, he'd heard every word. You revealed your relationship on purpose so he knew you still loved him.

He didn't know how you could, of course feelings won't go away that quickly. Every day you'd tell him you loved him with a smile, sometimes that you hoped you'd have the chance to get married one day.

Sanji never understood why you truly loved him, why you wanted to marry him. He always refused to tell you about his horrendous family life growing up, but you always accepted it and said he could whenever he was ready. He told you he loved you first, and was surprised when you cried and told him the same, throwing your arms around him and kissing him.

He didn't deserve you, he knew that. He didn't deserve to have his thoughts be about marrying you, his late night wonderings about what your kids would look like. No, Sanji believed that now, he didn't deserve a life with you. Now you could go find someone who did deserve you, you weren't tied to him anymore. Maybe if you'd all go to Wano, you'd meet someone else, or even fall for Law or hell, he'd even expect Usopp.

Whatever was next, he thought you'd be better off without him.

She deserves better than a failure like me anyway.

+!+

"I can't believe you're letting him go like that." Nami tried to be angry as she sat beside you and Luffy, but she was struggling to even pretend. That bout he and Sanji just had was enough to cause her to slap the blond, out of frustration for Luffy and you. It didn't make her feel any better, but she thought maybe it would help you a little.

"I can't be mad at him." You admitted quietly, pulling your knees to your chest and setting your chin on them. "Could you see it? Did you hear his voice?"

"Of course I did! He just insulted Luffy and broke up with you in front of everyone that was here!"

"He's not doing it because he wants to!"

Nami was a bit surprised you shouted, but Luffy wasn't. He'd noticed the same as you did, the way Sanji looked at him in feign hatred that was really shock you'd all shown up, the way his voice wasn't normal, it almost quivered as he stated he'd become tired of playing romance with you and he'd chosen to quit being a pirate and accept his royal heritage.

"Everything was a lie, Nami! Everything that just happened, he doesn't want to do this to us!" You had hoped the syrupy rain would cover your tears, and it did, until you choked out a sob. "He's trying to protect us, I get that! It does hurt like hell to hear him say what he did, but…but he's keeping us safe as best he can."

Nami quickly moved over and hugged you tightly, apologizing for being upset about what had just happened. She knew that you knew Sanji better than any of them at this point, and your relationship may have been revealed to Luffy in a way you didn't want, but she was sure you and Sanji, if you could get him out of this arranged marriage, would be okay.

On the other hand, Luffy laughed a bit, giving you a big smile. "You're right! We'll get him back, and you guys can get married instead!"

"Sorry you found out this way, Luffy."

Shaking his head, Luffy just grinned with a giggle. "Don't worry about it. If you guys are happy, that's all good! You guys gotta get married on Sunny though!"

"If he ever wants to even think about marriage after this, I'd be glad to." Laughing as well, you knew it wouldn't be long before someone from Big Mom's castle came to capture you, and you would accept that for now. It might place you closer to Sanji in the end, for all you knew.

Luffy would rescue him, he just had to.

+!+

"That sneaky, conniving, little bi–"

"Hey, watch your language!"

Nami couldn't believe how angry you were, she'd never seen you so ready to harm yourself in order to get to someone else. Of course, the fact that Pudding just told the three of you the true intentions of this wedding, that she was going to be killing Sanji tomorrow, didn't help at all. You were struggling to get free from the nail-like candy trapping you in a cell, just as Luffy was though he was twisting himself to a point you feared he'd never come back from. Your anger was too much, you rarely ever swore and now Nami had heard you call Pudding and the rest of the Charlotte family a colorful array of names in about thirty seconds.

"How dare they! They think they're gonna kill the love of my life and get away with it?!"

"What about his family?"

"I don't care about them!!"

"You're gonna be a great daughter-in-law."

You stopped your attempts to escape and sent Nami a slight side eye, which made her roll her eyes. You'd never do anything to her, and she understood you didn't seem to be a fan of your possible future in-laws, but you really needed to calm down before the jailer caught wind of what you and Luffy were doing.

You hated how weak you felt, especially when Opera went to take Nami to get Lola's location out of her, but you were beyond glad when Jimbei showed up and freed the three of you, before you or Luffy could hurt yourselves further.

You followed your captain into the castle to try and find Sanji, but found yourselves pulled into another room and face to face with his sister, Reiju. Once she informed you that Sanji knew the truth about the next day, Luffy thanked her and jumped out a window to go to the spot he promised Sanji he'd be waiting at, but you stayed behind.

You really wanted to talk with Reiju.

"And you are? I know you were on the ship when I saved your captain."

"I'm [Y/N], I'm Sanji's girl–" you had to stop yourself, biting your lip and shaking your head. "I'm a member of the Straw Hats like Sanji."

You two were technically broken up at the moment, whether you accepted that or not. It felt like you couldn't call yourself his girlfriend right now, no matter how much it hurt your heart to stop yourself.

"Oooh, I see," Reiju smiled a bit at you, and you started to calm down. "You're the girl he told me about."

"He-He did?"

She nodded, still smiling at you. Once they had discussed the assassination plot, Sanji ended up telling Reiju a bit about you, and how he felt like garbage for breaking up with you the way he did, where he did. He'd even admitted he wouldn't blame you if you didn't take him back after all of this. He thought he was completely unworthy of your love now, you'd never take a failure like him back, and he just somehow knew he didn't deserve your forgiveness or love.

You deserved better than him, in Sanji's mind.

"He did, probably not everything but some things. Said you were the prettiest girl he'd ever met, and he was so in love with you."

Your heart clenched and you reached up to grip the necklace he'd found and bought for you in Water Seven. The little silver heart still made you happy anytime you looked at it.

"He hates what he did to you, and hoped that you'd take him back if he got to return." Reiju's smile softened as you started to cry, both hands tightly wrapped around your necklace now. "He thinks he should die with us tomorrow, but you need to help your captain get him out of here. The bracelets he's wearing are duds, he'll be fine if you leave with him."

"I…I'm so glad!" Your sobs were silent this time, while you started to smile so no one got suspicious of who was with Reiju. "The thought of Sanji marrying someone else has made me so sick to my stomach! But…just knowing he still loves me…is more than enough for the moment!"

You really did believe what you told Nami, that Sanji did what he had to in order to protect you guys and Zeff, to keep you from coming after him, but a part of you feared it was all genuine. That he didn't love you anymore, he didn't want to be a pirate or a cook anymore. It was just a small, nagging fear in the back of your mind, but now it had been squashed. You were no longer afraid or worried he had fallen out of love with you, cooking, or the sea.

He was still Sanji. Nothing had changed.

You thanked Reiju for the information, deciding to go find Nami again and leave the castle, when she stopped you and asked if you wanted to know about their childhood, how Sanji ended up in the East Blue, and about their mother.

Truthfully, you desperately did want to know, but you shook your head at her offer with a small smile.

"Sanji will tell me when he's ready."

+!+

You did find Nami and Jimbei, joining them in fighting to get out of the castle before you were dragged into the Mirro-world by Chopper and Carrot. Pedro was back with you as well, and you didn't fully understand why Big Mom's daughter Brulee or this guy named Diesel were with you, but if it helped you accomplish your goals, you figured it was ok. Your next task was to find Brook, and you did, nestled in Big Mom's arms as she slept, treating him like a stuffed animal. A few rescue attempts later you had him back, and he'd even gotten a copy of her Poneglyphs for Robin to read later.

Once you were all together, the only ones you needed were Luffy and Sanji, and you were lucky enough to find shards of the mirror that was destroyed in the place Luffy said he would stay. You were all able to get into contact with the two, everyone else cheering that Sanji was back while you held back your tears when he said your name, asking if you were there and all right.

"I'm here. I'm okay, don't worry."

"Oh, mon amour, I'm so, so sorry, I–"

"Sanji, we'll talk later. For now…leave things as they are. We have other things to do."

Hearing his soft agreement hurt you a bit, but you couldn't have such a talk with everyone else around. Not now, not here. Chopper and Brook asked you what was going on as you all headed for Capone Bege's place, and all you told them was that you and Sanji had been dating for a couple years, but were broken up for the moment due to the circumstances. They were both shocked you'd keep such a relationship secret, but also sad for the two of you to be in the situation you were in. You were certain everything would be alright once this wedding was stopped, once the assassination plot was ended, but until then, you'd keep your relationship status as broken up, despite the thought hurting you even more.

+!+

Upon arrival at Bege's place, you, Nami, and Carrot went off to take a much needed bath, Nami speaking and connecting with Chiffon thanks to her having been friends with Lola for the time you all were at Thriller Bark. Carrot was enjoying the bath greatly, and you were glad to be able to wash away the gross feelings of the last two days, but you weren't really looking forward to seeing Sanji yet. You wanted to hide in the bath the whole time, making Carrot nervous as you sunk down further, letting the water come up to your nose so you could still breathe. Nami wasn't that concerned, she knew you were still upset but you weren't going to do anything to yourself. You'd be fine after some time, once you and Sanji could actually talk.

You did eventually leave the bath, changing into the [f/c] dress that Chiffon had left for you. It hit about your knees and had long sleeves, but you did think it was a nice dress for the time being.

When you were on your way to the room Chiffon said this brief alliance discussion would be taking place in, you caught sight of Sanji about to go into the room himself, before he saw you. His eyes lit up and he told Luffy to go without him, turning and walking towards you, hoping you'd let him explain quickly.

"[Y/N]. I've missed you so much." You let Sanji hug you, returning it tightly and saying the same thing. It'd been far too long, you two hadn't truly been around each other since your arrival in Dressrosa, and that was a few weeks ago now.

You really had missed him.

Releasing you, Sanji took your face in his hands and placed his forehead against yours, making you start to tear up just because you had missed him terribly the last few days, you missed being so close to him, missed just holding his hands and talking to him, and were glad he was in front of you again.

"I'm so, so sorry. I didn't…I never wanted…"

"I know. It's okay, I understand, you were trying to protect us."

"It doesn't justify what I said to you," he shook his head, making sure you were looking him in the eyes so you knew he wasn't lying, "It's not just playing romance with you, you know that, right? You know I'm serious about us."

You nod, removing his hands from your face to just hold them, staying as close as you can be without hugging. "I know, but it's okay for the moment. We don't have the time to talk about this, but, once we're back on Sunny, we should sit and talk, all right?"

Nodding, Sanji agreed with you. There was no time to work this out right then, so you'd have to put it on the back burner and wait for now. Wait until this sham wedding was stopped, Big Mom would potentially be assassinated, and Sanji would be free from having to deal with his family ever again. You'd make sure they stayed away, even if it killed you.

"I love you. Only you, now and always."

"I love you too, Sanji."

Everything would be okay. Just a bit longer, and you'd all be back on Sunny and heading for Wano.

+!+

The assassination plot against Big Mom had failed, but so had hers against the Vinsmoke family, she was never going to have the technology from Germa now. Once the wedding cake had been ruined, her hunger pangs began and she started a rampage, but by then, you all had moved back to the Seducing Woods where Sunny was waiting, this time with Sanji alongside you. He'd rescued his family, before disowning his father who accepted that to your shock, and now he was wondering why you kept giving him odd looks.

"What's up?"

You just kind of looked him over, making him slightly nervous before you shrugged with a slight frown.

"You look better in black. White doesn't suit you as well."

"That…THAT'S IT?!" Sanji was only shocked for a moment before you giggled, saying he still looked handsome but black was definitely more his color. He'd thought something was wrong! It made him glad to hear that the 'problem' was just the color suit he'd been forced to wear.

You all were interrupted by a flying carpet carrying Chiffon and Pudding, the latter of the two wanting Sanji to go with them to make a cake that could satisfy Big Mom's cravings, even though she kept switching between seeming lovestruck by Sanji and wanting to kill him still. Despite your comment and reiterating of love for each other, you two hadn't properly reconciled your relationship, so for the moment, you were willing to let Sanji go if it meant stopping Big Mom's rampage.

Sanji, though, wasn't so keen on the idea of leaving you again, even though you would be with the rest of your crew, but you promised him you'd be fine. You knew how to fight, you'd throw a few shuriken and some kunai with trip wire or paper bombs to stop whoever came after you all. He gave you the quickest hug, holding your hand while he promised he'd be back as soon as possible, making you laugh.

"You'd better not be lying to me."

"Never in a million years, mon amour."

You barely took notice of the way Pudding looked at you until Sanji joined her and Chiffon on the flying carpet. She was looking at you like she knew, the entire time, that you were the one he'd told her he'd given his heart too. You never confirmed or denied it when you spoke with her the first time, but it seemed like she could tell. You didn't say a word to her, just nodded and followed everyone else back to Sunny.

You felt you could trust Pudding for now.

+!+

Luffy had disappeared into the Mirro-world with another of Big Mom's children, Katakuri, and you could assume a fight had taken place. Sanji had left with Chiffon and Pudding to recreate the wedding cake to stop Big Mom from rampaging through her own kingdom.

The rest of you had been able to get on board Sunny and away from the shore, now just trying to stay away from anyone that came towards you as you attempted to reach Cacao Island to reunite with your missing captain and chef. It took longer than you personally liked, and Big Mom had attacked Sunny as you all went on, Nami being the one to temporarily stop her by discharging lightning from a cloud Homie named Zeus, who she promptly captured as her own.

You'd all made it to Cacao Island in time for Sanji and Luffy to almost be thrown to the ship, making your getaway surprisingly with the help of the Germa fleet to keep Big Mom's fleet of ships from you.

It'd been a while since you were able to successfully escape from Big Mom and Totto Land, you sat relieved on the Sunny's deck, thankful to be on the way to Wano and to have Sanji back finally.

Luffy was laid out on the deck too, his stomach started growling after a bit which made you laugh.

"Hey uh," it was weird to hear Sanji sound so unsure as he spoke, but still it made you smile, "I could…make you a meal?"

He didn't have a chance to run before Luffy, Brook, Chopper, and Carrot were nearly mauling him at the thought of having his cooking, making Sanji ask if you all had eaten while he'd been gone. All of you followed him to the kitchen where he prepared food for you, making you the happiest by seeing him in his element, doing what he loved.

Of course, you two would need to sit and talk, but you'd already asked Nami to place you on the first night watch so you and Sanji could have a talk uninterrupted.

Once you finished eating, you quietly snuck out to go to the crow's nest and wait. You were sure Sanji would want to clean the kitchen and wash the dishes before he even thought about bed, so you had time to think about what you wanted to say.

Sanji noticed you were gone not even five minutes later, hoping you still weren't upset over everything that had happened.

"Where–"

"She's on the first night watch," Nami smiled at Sanji when she knew what he was about to ask, "She said she'll be waiting for you."

Nodding, Sanji turned back to the stove to finish the next batch of food Luffy had asked for. He'd definitely join you once he was done, but he'd worry and stress over what to say, how to explain himself if you'd let him until then. He prayed you'd take him back, that you wouldn't still be upset with him. He'd tell you everything, no matter how much it hurt him personally, you deserved to know what you'd gotten into with him.

Please….please just accept me still.

+!+

The sound of the hatch to the crow's nest opening woke you from your light nap, you quickly rubbed your eyes before looking to see who it was, grinning when you saw exactly who you'd been waiting for.

"Sanji!" He barely entered the room before you'd jumped up from your spot, fully awake now, and threw your arms around him, kissing his face while he tried to keep from falling with you.

"Hey, hey, calm down! You're gonna drag us to the floor!"

"Who cares?!"

He was able to stay upright with you holding onto him, setting you down after a moment. You smiled and once he'd closed the hatch, you dragged him over the bench with you, making him sit right next to you while you held his hand. There was no way you were letting him go again, not until you got to Wano at least. You also didn't want this conversation to last too long, you were sure he wanted to get out of that white wedding suit as soon as possible.

You were both quiet for a while, neither of you sure where to start, but you decided to break the ice by leaning closer and kissing Sanji on the cheek with a smile.

"I love you."

"How could you still love me after all of this?"

Humming a bit, you furrowed your brow seeing Sanji wouldn't look at you. He'd told you he loved you just the night before at Bege's castle, and you responded the same. Did he think you'd really stop loving him simply because of his family, because of this arranged marriage crap? All in a matter of a day?

"Sanji," you held his hand tighter, using your free one to make him look at you, smiling softly at him, "none of it was your fault."

"Of course it–"

"No, listen to me. Nothing that happened the last few days was your fault. You were being used by people who don't care about you like we do," you stopped to kiss him briefly, which caused Sanji to hug you so tightly, "they don't love you like I do especially. Nothing could stop me from loving you, Sanji."

Sanji severely did not want to start crying to you, he didn't want you to feel any kind of pity for him. You never would, he knew that, but it was just a small fear. He still was determined to tell you about his childhood, hoping you'd still want to be with him after you heard everything, after you learned how he ended up in the East Blue and working with Zeff at the Baratie.

But he knew deep down that you'd never leave him just because of what he was subjected to. You might want to go back and kill his brothers but you wouldn't leave him.

"I love you. I love you so, so damn much."

You hummed lightly with a soft smile, hugging him tighter and kissing the top of his head. "I love you too, Sanji; so much more than you'll ever know."

Sanji fully believed you. He knew you loved him and wouldn't leave him. You'd stay with him and continue to help him move on from his past, continuing to help him heal and plan a life with you instead.

He hoped you'd like that idea.

+!+

"Sanji, what do you want to do with this suit?"

"Burn it for all I care."

You laughed, halfway expecting that answer while Sanji got ready for the day. You two had spent your entire night watch talking, he'd told you all about his childhood and apologized too many times for your liking, but it all ended up all right in the end. When Nami came in to take over, you'd both fallen asleep and if Zoro was there, he and Sanji would be having an argument, but since it was Nami, she gently woke you both and told you to go downstairs and sleep. Sanji ended up picking you up bridal style once you two had made it down to the deck, making you giggle and hug him around his neck. You kicked your legs like a child and while he smiled, Sanji told you to be careful so he didn't drop you, but you knew he'd never. He had taken you to the women's bunks and was going to leave you in your bed to go to his own, but you grabbed him before he could go anyway and asked him to stay, which he gladly did so.

Now you were getting ready to continue onward to Wano, and you just wanted to know what to do with the suit he'd worn the day before. There really wasn't anything wrong with it, apart from the memories that would be attached to it and the fact you had said he looked better in black, Sanji didn't want to keep it at all.

You dug through the pockets to make sure he hadn't left his lighter or anything in them, before finding a strange black item with a 3 on it.

"What's this?"

"Hmm?"

Eyes widening at the item in your hands, Sanji stopped brushing his teeth and almost choked on the toothpaste in his mouth before spitting it out and snatching the item from your hands.

"How the hell did this get here?"

He didn't tell you a thing and started walking out to the deck, leaving you to follow.

"Sanji, wait! What is it??"

"Trash is what it is!"

Luffy and the others were on the deck as you two walked out, and when he saw the item in Sanji's hand he used his Gum Gum powers to stretch out and take it.

"Is this a raid suit like what your family had?!"

"A raid suit?!" Chopper's eyes lit up into stars, and he and Luffy started begging Sanji to try the raid suit, but he adamantly refused. He figured that his brother Niji must've been the one to give him the suit, saying he was the only one to actually have contact with him and Luffy when they were escaping Totto Land. Luffy and Chopper continued to whine and beg Sanji to try the raid suit, the two wanted to see what cool transformation would happen, but Sanji absolutely did not want to have anything to do with Germa's science.

"You might be able to shoot lasers!!!"

"Look, we don't need another person that can shoot lasers! It's enough that we've got Franky! I don't want that Germa science near me! In fact," he gave them both a small glare, "Don't ever say the words Vinsmoke or Germa around me! Both are forbidden!"

While the two whined, Nami brought up how she uses science herself, showing off Zeus who had made his new home in her climate baton, having chosen food over loyalty, when Carrot jumped down with the latest Coo News.

"It says here that Luffy, Sanji, Jimbei, and Bege attempted to assassinate Big Mom, and that Luffy was the ringleader!" She flipped the pages and a few bounty posters fell out when she did so. "Oh, new bounty posters."

You and Sanji both caught sight of one of them, you were excited and he was surprised.

"Ah!"

"Your bounty went up, Sanji!!"

You were so happy for him that you couldn't help it, you threw your arms around his neck laughing! No point in hiding your relationship now, not after a shouted confession and having to explain the situation to Chopper and Brook. The only ones who didn't know yet were Usopp and Franky, and you intended to tell them as soon as you met up with them in Wano.

"It's 330 million berries! Wait, what's the moss head's bounty?!"

"I believe," Brook answered before anyone else had the chance to, "it's 320 million."

"Yes! In your face, moss head!!" Sanji grinned and finally hugged you back, twirling just a bit with you, asking if you were proud of your super awesome boyfriend who had a higher bounty than Zoro. All you did was laugh and nod, you truly were proud of him!

"Oh hey," Chopper held another bounty poster in his hands and held it up to the two of you, "[Y/N]'s bounty went up to! It's 120 million now!"

"What?!" Your face went red as you took the poster from Chopper, absolutely shocked yours went up at all. You didn't think you'd been mentioned in the article, so you didn't expect this! "Why did mine double?!"

"Who cares, you should be proud!" Taking your face in his hands, Sanji kept smiling with heart eyes and rubbed his nose and cheek against your own. "My beautiful girlfriend is so strong!! I'm so proud of you!!"

"Sanji!!" You blushed even worse, not used to being able to show affection so openly, but you'd get over it at some point.

"Ah young love, yohohoho!"

You ignored Brook while Sanji got another look at his poster, instantly becoming depressed when he realized his bounty likely only went up because of his family and Germa, due to it having his last name on it.

Carrot brought the paper over to you, telling you to check the article again. Doing so, you read through and your face went pale reading a few sentences stuck in the middle.

"'The assassination plot was aided by another Straw Hat pirate member, by the name of [L/N] [Y/N], a young kunoichi from Yume Village, an offshoot of Wano. She's believed to be in a relationship with Vinsmoke Sanji.' I…are you freaking kidding me?!"

Instead of being depressed you became angry, realizing it was most likely because of your relationship that your bounty went up, not really because of anything you did. You almost wanted to hide the rest of the day, but decided it wasn't worth it in the end. Your bounty had increased, your relationship was out in the world, you'd just have to accept it.

Luffy became depressed himself, reading his new poster and believing it said his bounty had dropped to 1.5 million berries, before Brook read it aloud and corrected him.

"Your bounty isn't 1.5 million berries. It's 1.5 billion berries!!"

"WHAT???!"

Everyone was so shocked, you had to read the poster for yourselves, to make sure it was accurate, and it was! Luffy had such a high bounty now, you all were excited for him; you personally were a little concerned, but Luffy was strong so everything would be all right!

Instead of there being any kind of concern, Luffy laughed and was glad his bounty hadn't gone down. Nami nearly smacked him on the head for being so nonchalant about it, before Sanji suggested he could start on breakfast, which everyone agreed to.

"Let me help you!"

You grabbed Sanji's hand before he could step away, and he gladly agreed to let you help him make breakfast. He placed you on your usual task of chopping vegetables for the omelets that he'd decided would be perfect to start the day with. It was quiet for a while, both of you focused and working on your tasks, Luffy coming in every few minutes to ask when breakfast would be ready before Sanji kicked him out and told him soon. The last time it happened, before even turning back to his own work, Sanji stopped and hugged you from behind, making you giggle.

"I love you, [Y/N]."

"I love you too, Sanji!"

I'm gonna marry you one day, I swear it.

#one piece x reader #reader insert #sanji x reader #blackleg sanji x reader #knowing fanfic #fem!reader #black leg sanji x reader

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crystallizsch · 2 days

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[💜|| Yuusha Tala (she/they) ━━━━━━━━━━━━✦

(slightly not canon-compliant / set in an AU where everyone is 18+ like a university)

Forcibly brought to Night Raven College by the black carriage for unknown reasons. She is enrolled as a student with a feline monster named Grim as her “familiar” — her magical half to compensate for her own lack of magical ability — and is appointed the “beastmaster” and the prefect of Ramshackle dorm.

Grade: Freshman Class: Class A (No. 9) Age: 18 Height: 5'8 ft / 172 cm Dominant Hand: Right Homeland: Modern Earth Club: None Best Subject: Music Hobbies: Sketching Pet Peeves: Making contact with anything filthy Favorite Food: Anything with noodles Least Favorite Food: Tuna Talent: Playing instruments

Yuusha Tala is the witty and sarcastic prefect of Ramshackle who tends to be open and blunt with people depending on the situation (this bluntness sometimes lands her in trouble). Sometimes her confident facade fails her because, for the most part, the way she presents herself is an attempt to exaggerate herself in order to make herself seem more outgoing. In any case, the prefect still doesn’t fail to be also headstrong and stubborn, refusing to let others step all over her.

[💜|| Quick Notes ━━━━━━━━━━━━✦

I made Grim more cat-like in this yuuniverse just for fun :3

Like I said, this is also set in an AU where NRC is more like a university so that everyone is at least 18. So like:

First-years -> 18 Second-years -> 19 Third-years -> 20 Fourth-years -> 21 Leona -> 22 (to be slightly compliant with the fact that he repeated a year)

This ask lives in my head rent-free whenever I think about Yuusha's backstory and personality, so at this point, I just have her twisted from Frozen characters (mainly Elsa) when I hadn't initially intended for her to be so.

Another ask rambling about an overblot yuu + bits of her pre-twst.

[💜|| Random Facts ━━━━━━━━━━━━✦

💜 For the DND nerds: Yuusha has a high charisma stat who manages to roll consistently low and nat 1s. (For everyone else: Yuusha is a girlfailure whose social interactions fail her despite her confident attempts.)

💜 Can be very affectionate with people whenever she starts to vibe with them. And she tends to unashamedly throw around “I love you” a lot to those she genuinely cares a lot about to the point where it sounds disingenuous even though she does mean it earnestly.

💜 Caffeine addict™ and refuses to sleep unless necessary due to her nature as a workaholic. Yuusha knows that she becomes a very heavy sleeper and that she can be hard to wake up.

💜 Yuusha has an affinity for playing instruments. While she has her specialties in certain instruments, generally she can work pretty much any instrument she can get her hands on ( anddespite whether or not it can be considered a “normal” instrument).

💜 Her memory is abysmal when it comes to small things so she makes little notes in different ways to remind herself of things. But for some reason when it comes to sketching, suddenly her memory is picture-perfect.

💜 Started to work part-time in Mostro Lounge after Azul's overblot, admittedly a desperate choice to earn some income.

💜 After the Scarabia episode, Yuu often gets her extra food from Scarabia as long as she helps to cook (and is totally not an excuse to hang out with the Scarabia duo).

💜 Yuusha gets anxious and restless during dark mirror ceremonies. They remind her of orientation which was really not the best memory for her. She often has to go outside to catch a breath.

💜 She generally remembers bits and pieces of her past life when certain things cause her to remember them. She still feels extremely homesick despite the hazy memories. The one thing she cannot remember is the very moment she got taken by the black carriage, and has some fear of heights and being in deep water in relation to it.

-> art masterlist -> relationship dynamics (tba) -> extended lore (tba)

#i just wanted to finally release her out into the wild 😭#i went overboard with some writing so i'll have them as separate posts #[—#twst #twisted wonderland #twst art #twst yuu #twst yuusona #★ my art #(💜) yuusha #—]

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oonajaeadira · 3 days

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Leave Off Your Wandering pt. 4: Winter

Fandom: The Last of Us (TV)/ Joel Miller

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Reader: Adult female. Old enough to have been an adult on Outbreak Day. Wyoming born and bred. Sheep farmer, easy-going but confident and self-sufficient. Likes to sing, not a great cook. Childhood friend of Maria. No other physical descriptors; no use of y/n.

Rating: Mature.

Warnings: Mentions of sex but nothing explicit. Canon-typical violence, bodily harm, death, (blood, broken bones, knife wounds, shooting, blunt force) and PTSD.

Summary: Revenge comes calling and you work though it as a family.

A/N: Series set after season 1 and then diverges. Does not acknowledge the existence of further plot/seasons, although it does use some characters/elements from the second game.

I’m so sorry it’s taken this long to get to winter. This one was difficult for me to face writing for reasons that may be made clear. But it was very rewarding. <3

The air is thin and cold this morning, takes your breath and makes a show of it as you quickstep it down to the stables. The sun is just starting to make the frost sparkle and no doubt Goldie will be using up the rest of the firewood at the Roost today.

Good thing you have a Joel who’s ready to chop more.

Although he’s also a Joel that’s forgotten his tea, the “stuff with the things in it” that Willa gave him for the stiffness in his knees. With this cold he’s going to want it today on patrol and the last thing you think you can stand is the tug in your heart when he comes home complaining of the cold and the ache and you sitting warm and cozy with his thermos on the counter when you had the legs to trot it on out to him.

It’s a relief to round the corner and find the patrol party still at the stable gate, Tommy helping one of the teens with their rifle strap, and Joel waiting on horseback, weaving his gloved fingers together, packing them down at the valleys to get his hands all the way in.

He’d laid one of those hands on your cheek this morning. Gentle. First thing you saw when you opened your eyes. Like most mornings now. His thumb rounding the rim of your cheek so he could lean in and take a good long drink of a kiss.

He likes it that way…soft, slow. Likes to pull you in as close as he can, twist his forehead into your temple when he hits his peak, jaw clenched in agonized pleasure, kisses along your jawline when you find yours, his eyes half-lidded and watching you in a hazy awe. He’s quiet but thorough, completely present like he can’t believe he’s got this little slice of warmth, sighs a hushed curse in your ear and calls you sweetheart in the same breath, and then sleeps like a baby the whole night through.

He doesn’t like to talk about the past much, but listening’s your specialty and it comes out in bits and pieces, stuck between the little he does say. You come to understand that he very rarely got to be very close with anyone while Sarah was growing up. There were the years when everything was a nightmare. Then there was Tess and she brought him out of that, thank goodness. But it took time. And there was also denial and survival and means to their ends. There might indeed have been strong love there. But you have the feeling he’s not had this–or anything like it–for a long, long time.

So if he wants it soft and slow, then who are you to deny him?

Maybe it shouldn’t be so surprising that it was him who pulled you in a little closer.

“What if you didn’t move in with Tommy and Maria this winter?” He’d lingered the morning after Christmas, leaning one shoulder against the frame of your bedroom door, savoring the show of you getting dressed for the day.

“And waste the fuel? Why? So we can cuddle up now and then without your brother down the hall? You keep me plenty warm, Joel Miller, but I’m not going to heat this whole house just for me and your more-than-casual visits. Everyone’s got a responsibility here to conserve in the winter. This is how I do my part. And besides,” you purred as he stepped in to button up your flannel for you, freeing up your fingers so they could run through his curls, “I know where you live and your bed’s good as mine.”

“You seem to like it there well enough.”

“I do.” His beard was growing in all but a patch on his jaw that was now your right to kiss.

“Well I was thinkin’ we just make it ours for the winter.”

His hands had circled your hips and his words had stopped your heart, but there was little for to say with his lips pressed against yours.

So mornings often started as they did today, waking to find Joel beside you, roused because you can feel him watching you with that little half smile that reveals the crack in his weary heart where the light shines through. Who needs spring to come with sunshine like that to turn to? Now there are family breakfasts with Ellie and cozy days knitting in the company of Maria and Riley and then warm nights with Joel on one of those pillowtopped mattresses that were all the rage before the outbreak…the ones that are great when you have a stiff back, but even better because the springs don’t squeak…

“Aw dammit,” Joel says when he sees you nearing the stables with the thermos, “Knew I forgot something.”

“Two somethings,” you say pointing to his bare head and passing your hat up to him in the saddle. “Your ears are already bright red. Here. Take my hat.”

“This’s Ellie’s.”

“Huh. Guess I just grabbed one on my way out. Oops. Be a man. Wear a pompom.”

He pulls it down over his ears and smiles. “Matches my scarf.”

You’d had a small batch of deep red wool you’d managed to squeak a hat and scarf out of and gifting the hat to Ellie around Christmas, but the scarf went to Joel. He may not want anyone to think of him as sentimental, but it was worth your while to make it easy on him by giving him something that was also practical. Even if he had his jacket zipped up all the way, it was always there, tucked around his neck; he may leave his ears to the elements but he never went anywhere without that scarf.

The line of horses start making their way toward the Jackson gates and you squeeze Joel’s shin before stepping out of the way, letting him and his horse follow the group. He simply lets a gloved finger glance your cheek as he passes by.

All the way out here on this side of the apocalypse and humans still have a million variations on saying “I love having you around and I’d like to keep it that way.”

________

“Ellie’s more than welcome around here if you and Joel don’t want to leave her home alone.”

Maria’s lightly bouncing a wet-faced and blubbering Riley on her lap, trying to tempt him with a frozen carrot for his teething. He has tommy’s curls and they sproing with every boing.

“Nah, she wants to come out. We’ll be dividing the ewes and driving part of the flock into the old town for the rest of the overwinter and she wants to see how it's done. Should see it, if she thinks she’ll be entering the rotation at any point. Speaking of,” you grunt, leaning down to gather your knitting basket and gather your things, “I promised I’d meet her after school. She’s gotten into collecting cassette tapes and the commissary says she’s hit her quota on goods this week. Gonna give up a couple credits so she can discover the wonders of Joan Jett and the Beastie Boys.”

“That’s throwing gas on the fire. She pick those out herself?”

“Nope. My points, my choice. And I say that girl needs to fight for her right to party and put another dime in the jukebox, baby.”

Maria rolls her eyes, chuckles, goes light on the sarcasm. “You’re the coolest auntie.”

“Don’t I know it,” you laugh, tying up your boots.

“Joel’s gonna just love that.”

Leaning in to bop a quick kiss to Riley’s head, you give Maria a crazed grin. “So much.”

Ten minutes later, Ellie has her doubts, holding up a cassette at the commissary. “But there’s a dinosaur on this one! How can it not be great?”

“Listen, missy. I’m not saying Dinosaur Jr. doesn’t have a place in music history, but I’m telling you that you’re likely to be disappointed. Trust me. Just this once.”

Ellie makes a face but you glance past it, distracted by what you see through the window behind her. Following your focus, she turns to look too. “Who’re they?”

All of the patrol horses coming back in have two people on them–a member of the party, and a stranger. And all the strangers can’t be more than teenagers.

“Dunno, but it looks like you’re about to get some new classmates. I’ll sign these out. You go ahead and make a good first impression.”

“You’re just sending me out there because you know if they’re infected, I can’t catch it.”

“If they were infected, they wouldn’t be on those horses or inside those gates. I’m sending you out there because you have a way of reading people. Go.”

Something in that puts a gasp in her throat and a sparkle in her eye and her ponytail whips behind her as she goes, striving to live up to the compliment.

But really, you just want half a minute to take a good look at the kids without Ellie asking questions. They’re all scrawny and filthy. Backpacks. Been traveling and living rough for a while now. Where’d they come from? What’s their story? Not an adult among them. How have they survived? You’d swear something feels off, but that’s the world now. Can’t be too careful. Everything seems off all the time.

Question is, off by how much?

You find Joel in the group; he’s the only one riding with a kid in front of him rather than hanging on behind. And once he gets down off the horse and reaches up to help his passenger down, you can see why.

She’s pregnant.

Shit. She’s what, fifteen? Sixteen?

Shit.

“There’s a house up near mine has good plumbing turned on.” Tommy’s speaking over his shoulder to the small group and leading his horse to the stable door as you come out of the commissary. “We’ll get you all washed up and fed. There’s at least two beds there and some other furniture fit to sleep on if it makes you comfortable to stay together. Give me a minute to put Lady away here and we’ll walk on up together. Joel? A word?”

Handing off the pregnant girl’s backpack to her, Joel takes the reins of his horse and follows his brother inside, leaving the newcomers to look around them and take in the town.

All but one. A girl with hair that’s neither light brown or dark blonde, somewhere in between. Your mother would have called it dirty dishwater blonde and you always thought that was rude. But your mother also would have said the girl had a hatchet of a face with a strong jaw like that. And it’s that girl whose head whips around the second she heard Joel’s name, quickly scanning the patrol to ascertain who belonged to it, and stands watching the stable door in thought long after the Miller brothers were gone.

Was Joel her father’s name? Her brother’s? Is it hers or close to hers? Is she a Jo or Joelle?

“Abby. Hey,” a boy calls and she turns. “Mel should get a bed and we can share. Manny and Nora can share too…if you’re okay with taking a couch.”

“Fine,” Abby says. Her eyes and mouth all unmoving lines.

“Hey. Welcome to Jackson. I’m Ellie.” Your starling jams her hands in her pockets as all the new eyes turn her way. “It looks like you’ve been wandering. Where you coming from?”

The boy who spoke before blinks and opens his mouth to say something, hesitates. You’d take him for the leader up until the moment Abby speaks for him.

“West of here. QZ. Seattle.”

“Oh. Cool,” says Ellie with a bounce to her nod. Easy. Instantly welcoming. “I came out of Boston.”

Seattle QZ. The same one your dead husband and his sister came from. Not a good place. Warring factions and nothing but oppression and disease, last you heard. Good that they got out. They’re gonna need to be de-loused.

But Seattle’s also much harder than most zones to break free of. You’ve been told the Western Liberation Front makes FEDRA look like a bucket of clowns.

“Seattle?” Now it’s your turn to pull focus from the group. “We’ve had refugees from there before. You really get out of there in one group like this? With no grown ups?”

Abby rips her eyes away from Ellie. “It’s a long story,” she says, shutting the questioning down.

There’s a moment that hangs between you and that stinks faintly of threat, but is mostly just the smell of feral kids. Tension breaks as the men emerge from the stable.

“We all ready?” Tommy says, making his way down the road and waving a hand for them to follow. “New home’s this way.”

Ellie starts to fall in with the group and you pull her back in close, speak low. “Go with them if you want, but keep your distance.”

“What? Why?”

“These are your first refugees. You’ll learn that they sometimes bring things with ‘em.”

Her face screws into a question mark. “What things?”

“Fleas. Lice. Viruses. Just give ‘em some space for a while.”

After the quickest flash of disgust, Ellie’s tried and true compassion kicks in and she gives an understanding nod as she turns to go, tape cassettes clattering in her jacket pocket.

You keep watching her even as you speak to the owner of the hand snaking around your waist. “Where’d you find them?”

“Up at the old crossing. They were under attack.”

“Jesus.”

“Nope. Infected.”

“Been a while since we’ve seen any of those stumble through here.”

“Infected? Or the kids.”

Turning to him in exasperation you look him over. “Both. And the same goes for you as for Ellie, Foxy. Let’s take you home and wash that scarf and hat. Run a fine-toothed comb through that hair just to make sure.”

“I’m sure it’s fine,” he says, stopping when he catches your zero-temperature glare. If it’s something else you love about Joel, he recognizes when something’s important to you and answers a lady with composure and respect. “Yes, ma’am.”

____

“You couldn’t have found her some Cash or Fleetwood Mac or something?”Joel grumbles into the fireplace as he places another log on the coal bed and moves the poker around like he’s doing something.

Ellie sits on a blanket near the fire, reading a comic book, headphones on, Joan Jett’s grinding guitar bleeding out into the otherwise quiet living room. With his face turned to the fire and Ellie facing away from you, she most likely can’t hear the conversation that’s happening around her if you keep your voices low.

“You’re just jealous that she asked me to pick something out instead of you,” you smile on the couch, picking up your feet and swinging them into his lap as he sits down beside you. “80’s rock is good for her spiky little soul.”

“80’s means trouble,” he counters, considering her as his hands absently squeeze and rub at your feet.

You go back to your book. Seemingly anyway. It’s easy to steal observing glances from where you are. The thoughtful concern he has for Ellie. You can see him looking over the wood in the hopper and calculating how many days of fuel he has before you all head out to the Roost. A twist of a lip tells you he’s realized he might be a day short and needs to chop more. His gaze drops to his lap as he lightly massages your feet–just running his hands along their contours, pressing a thumb in here and there to tenderize a muscle. The firelight loves him, plays at the edges of his curls, slides down his nose, kisses the purse of his lips.

You jump as he slides a tickling fingertip up the sole of one foot. “Hey!”

“What you get for staring.”

“I wasn’t staring at you, I was reading.”

“Must be pretty small print you don’t turn a page for five minutes.”

Taking off your readers and closing the book, you sit up and deposit them on the coffee table. From here it’s easy to scoot up to him and lean an elbow on the couch back. “What’s got you so thinky tonight, hmm? You look like you’ve got your worry pants on.” There’s a curl right behind his ear that’s so easy to twirl in your fingers and you indulge. You’ve found a little touch helps him open up.

“I can’t help thinking about those kids, thinkin’ they could just wander out in the world like that. If it weren’t for us hearing the runners….” He goes quiet a minute and you let him, his gaze haunting Ellie’s direction but living somewhere in the past. “They gotta be somebody’s kids. I can’t believe Seattle’s so bad they just let ‘em run wild…let ‘em run away from the best you got for ‘em.”

A faint guitar blares from Ellie’s headphones as she flips a page, purses her lips, absently nods along.

“Yeah, well teenagers rebel, Foxy. That’s what they do.”

“No,” he says, softly, resolutely, a tick of his jaw. “Not all of ‘em. Not if they’re loved. And fiercely. And I don’t know a love that isn’t fierce.”

It’s the look on his face that makes you believe him.

Love isn’t a word that Joel bandies about. It’s easy to see it work in him. The way he tells Ellie no when she wants to do something reckless but promises her something just as exciting, going to any length to make her smile. The way he holds Riley’s head in the crook of his arm, his other hand reflexively coming out in defense if anyone gets too near the baby’s soft spot. The way he shoves his brother with a laugh when Tommy picks on him or how he helps Maria to her feet when she’s been on the floor too long, even if she says she doesn’t need it.

The way he… with you he…

His hands work at your feet again. He understands the minute levels of his strength, knows how firm to go without bringing pain.

With you, it’s the way he rolls over and shows you his soft places, invites you in to be a part of it.

Not really what you’d call fierce. Does that mean he doesn’t–

“Is a cherry bomb like a little bomb or a big bomb?” Ellie asks, an earpad pulled away from her ear and spilling Cherie Currie’s stuttered chorus.

“It’s a little one. A firework. But it packs a big punch. It’ll take your fingers off. Hello, world, I’m your wild girl, I’m your ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb,” you sing, pushing your foot against Joel’s thigh with every beat.

“Alright, that’s it,” he says, wrapping a big hand around your ankle to secure it. “Ellie, run on up and get my guitar. Lemme teach you a better song.”

In the minute it takes for her to come back, Joel foregoes softness for force, tickling relentlessly, almost ending up with a foot in his face with how much you squirm.

___

Church isn’t really your thing, never was. You have your own way of listening to the beauty of the earth that doesn’t mean sacrificing a morning sleeping in to listen to lessons you’ve already learned and hold true.

But today you’ve come to the after-brunch curious to welcome the new residents and managed to show up a little early. So you’re standing in the back of the mess hall with Maria and Riley, waiting for the final hymn to end, for the preacher to call an end to the service and a beginning to the meal.

Maria leans in and murmurs in your ear as the final chorus comes. “Tommy and the crew are working on one of those bigger houses with the vaulted ceilings in the new district so the church can have its own building.”

“They’re not gonna like having to walk over there.”

She shrugs, adjusts Riley’s teething toy and bounces him up a notch. “Might cause some of them to move over there. Thin out the density. Easier on the power grid. We do have five new residents.”

You watch as one of the new boys–Owen–helps the pregnant Mel to her feet. “Soon to be six.”

Once the kitchen starts serving, Owen and Mel find their way over to your table, eager to meet Riley and ask Maria all kinds of questions about childbirth and your friend finds herself in a mentoring role she didn’t ask for. She’s not opposed to being helpful, just lets her judgment slide through on the whole babies having babies thing which completely flies over the kids’ heads.

They’re good enough kids, but something tastes a little sour when Owen tries to include you in the conversation.

“What about you? You and…is his name Joel? You gonna have any kids?”

It’s a rude question. He’s earned your side eye and he knows it, but smiles through it, playing innocent.

“Already got one. One’s enough,” you laugh, sly, chewing through some boiled oats and letting him know you’re gonna let that one slide.

“Oh, yeah, right. Ellie, right?” he asks, with a flick of his eyes to a table behind you. Turning, you find Abby at a table with some other residents and when you turn back it’s with a dry expression that tells him he’s worn out his turns at beating the bush and should be out with it.

“We just were wondering if she’d show us around,” Mel explains. “She’s the only one of the children here who will talk to us.”

You snort. “Don’t let Ellie hear you call her a child. She’s short for her age, but she’s not much younger than you. She likes people, but that won’t win you any points.”

“And don’t worry about the other kids,” Maria takes over, shooting you a look. “They’ll come around. A lot of them were born here and they don’t see a ton of new people.”

“Are they not coming to the brunch today?” Owen asks.

“Who?”

“Ellie and Joel.”

Shaking your head, you swallow your latest bite. “Joel and Tommy are off getting some work done in the new sector and Ellie would bite my face off if I woke her up before high noon on a weekend. But she knows where you’re staying. I’ll send her around to you once she’s up and acting like a whole human.”

You’re about to change the subject and ask them a few questions of your own but Riley starts fussing and Mel asks to hold him and the whole baby talk starts up again.

When you look over your shoulder, Abby is gone from the table. Left her dish for someone else to clean up.

There’s a thought creeps in that maybe Ellie can teach them all some manners. And then you remember the mouth on your starling and smile.

____

“And Owen showed me some of his drawings and they’re so amazing. He’s like a fucking Picasso or something. He says he’ll give me lessons if I can get Mr. Scowlface here to take him out hunting. Says he misses hunting deer with his dad. And Abby wants to go too. I told her how you taught me to use a shotgun and she seemed really interested to learn. She might want to join the patrols some day. But I told them not this week since we’re going out to the Meadow and they all had questions about that. Abby especially–”

Ellie has a remarkable talent for chewing and talking at the same time. She catches a piece of apple that escapes her mouth, slurping it off the back of her hand where it landed, then downs the rest of the milk and wipes her mouth with the cuff of her sweater, leaving you to negate your silent praise of her manners from earlier in the week and giving you a break in the chatter to speak.

“Well, you’re a little young to be recruiting your own Roostlings, but if Abby or any of the others want to come out sometime and see what the fuss is about, they’re welcome. I’d rather them wait until spring though, or at least until we get the whole of the flock back from the deep winter holding grounds. Chickadee’s taking up the caboose on that.”

As you push the carafe of chicory coffee toward Joel and clear the breakfast plates, Ellie snatches the last hunk of bread you left on yours, shaking her head. “Abby’s afraid of heights. Didn’t even have time to tell her about the Roost being up on stilts. What’s a caboose?”

Joel scoffs. “Last car on a train.” He takes a long, loud drag of his coffee, pouring on the annoyance to get a glare out of the girl and succeeds. “Well, if she don’t like heights, she’s not going to enjoy learning patrol duty either, not with the watchtowers and the mountain trails. And don’t go promising services you can’t guarantee. I’m not a scout leader.”

“What’s a scout leader?”

“Someone with a lot more patience than me. Get.”

Taking up her backpack, Ellie makes her way to the front vestibule to pull on her gear.

“Don’t forget your hat and scarf!” You call to her, but smile at Joel as you perch your butt against the table and tuck a little curl behind his ear. He’ll ask you to cut it soon. And you’ll put it off for as long as possible.Tickles, he'll say. I know, you'll say.

“Thanks, Gramma Betty!” she calls back and pulls the door shut behind her as Joel lays a warm hand on your outer thigh.

“What’er you getting up to today?” he asks.

You shrug. “I’m in carding mode. Got a whole bag of washed fleece needs combing. I’d ask you what you’re up to, but I assume you and Tommy are gonna be tearing down some poor old house.”

There’s a moment where he squints, thiinking. His thumb tracing the outer seam of your jeans.

“I want you to come with me. Got something to show you.”

“Really. Well I like the sound of that. I could use a little walk in the bitter cold with a mystery at the end of it. Gonna have to go pull on a heavier sweater though. Might need to take this one off first. You wanna come watch?”

There’s a knock at the front. Tommy. The door opening.

Joel only grins fondly and pats your thigh, sending you off, before pushing the chair back from the table and separating himself from his coffee mug. “I’ll catch the later show. ‘Specially if it calls for audience participation.”

Five minutes later, bundled and booted, the three of you head out toward the new section, Joel with his scarf tucked in tight and hat pulled down low, and Tommy with a set forced upon him because you’re quickly becoming the winter clothing police around here.

It’s not a long walk. Jackson was never more than a few miles wide and this is just the first expansion of the wall. You’ve wandered over during the construction crew’s activities enough to know the way without being led, but what you’re expecting is for Joel to lead you away from the furthest street, away from the beautiful A-frame house so neatly repaired along with its pretty neighbors and up the street with Tommy to the next clutch of houses they’ve been working on.

But instead, Joel tells his brother he’ll be along in a minute, and Tommy smiles knowingly as he continues on, leaving the two of you in the walkway up to the pretty A-frame that’s so much like the Roost’s bigger sister.

“You know what today is?” Joel asks, hands in pockets, squinting up at the peaked roof.

“Friday?”

“Probably,” he says, shifting focus to his boots. “I was thinking more holiday-wise.”

The air’s particularly crisp today, hitches in your lungs as you take each mental step and catch up with him.

February 14. Valentine’s.

As your mouth drops open, he jerks his chin at the house. “You like this one, right?”

“What…what are you….Joel?”

There’s a cringe that belies his confidence, maybe a tinge of regret. “I just figured we were gettin’ along so well, that maybe you’d… It was just an idea–”

He can’t even look you in the eye until you yank his hand awkwardly out of his pocket and wrap your gloved hand around his. He seems almost shocked to see your tears welling up–true, half from the cold–but he’s also relieved. Big breath in, big breath out. That must have been the hard part.

Words aren’t Joel’s way. This is how he tells you just how deep his feelings go. You know he’s had time to imagine with every window replaced, every floorboard leveled out, every load bearing wall reinforced, just which family was going to get to live in this house and what kind of life they might make in it.

What kind of life you might make together here.

So you take his lead and say only what’s necessary, as steadily as you’re able.

“Take me inside.”

His sheepish grin confirms that it was exactly what he’d hoped to hear.

The interior’s simple, but gorgeous. The dark wood gleams, and the whole back wall of the A frame is windowed. The triangle at the top replaced with a leaded stained glass in a sunrise of orange and rose that reflects the undertones in the timber inside and the pines out the window, the mosaic just high enough to catch the last rays that will come in over the mountains at the end of the day and turn the whole place into a dream. The open floorplan has the kitchen near the door, but over by the windows….

Joel gives the tour. The hand-laid stones in the fireplace. The built-in shelves for your books. This is the corner where your favorite chair can go, nearest the fire and where there’s good light for spinning. This rug was here, still good. He points out to the little shed in the back–a place for wool dying, he can hang pegs in there however you need them.

If he weren’t so occupied in explaining the wood he chose to finish the countertop, the way he followed the original dovetailing in the doorframe, the pattern he made with the reclaimed wood in the floorboards, he may have seen you admiring the most important part of the house…or, rather, the most important person in it.

There’s more. Two bedrooms, one off each side of the main part of the house, each with its own bathroom, the larger one with its own porch overlooking a little creek.

“The basement’s not quite done, but I figure I’ll just use that for my own. Felt you might not like the…vibe…”

Ah yes. The former owners. He took care of that too.

He took care of everything.

“I love it, Joel.”

“Yeah?”

“If there was a stronger word, it would be yours, believe me.”

He only wraps his arms around you as you dive in to squeeze him.

“Good,” is all he says. Breathes in the scent of your hair. “That’s good.”

________

The ewes hate the leader ropes, but they follow, bleating now and then as you slowly guide them through the woods toward the Meadow’s north entrance. Joel’s got two behind his and Ellie’s horse, and you’ve got four behind yours, a small party, but the only ones that were ready to come on back out after the coldest weeks.

Goldie’s happy to lead them out to the rest of the flock while you and Joel go up and get situated, get warm, get ready for the week ahead. Ellie follows Goldie and Joel hangs his watch by the door. All’s quiet in the Roost.

Until Joel’s tongue clicks. “That beam is bowing,” he points up to one of the main rafter struts on the far side of the room. “Wood stove keeps this side warm and the snow melts off, but there’s no balcony on the other side. No way to rake the snow off the roof. Tommy should have known better.”

“Well it’s not like he’s had a lot of practice with big boy tree forts, I’m guessing,” you say, dumping a sack of potatoes near the cook pile and throwing the stack of fresh sheets onto the bed. “Does it need to come down?”

“Don’t think so. But come spring we’ll add on another balcony and do some reinforcement.”

As he runs his hand up the wall seam, you come up behind him, hugging him from the back with the sole purpose of distracting him, your way of letting him know he’s obsessing like an old man. It gives you the right angle to grab onto his open jacket and start pulling it off him. “Take this off and stay awhile.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Goldie takes her leave on your horse, guiding Joel and Ellie’s behind, glad to be going back to more warm water than she can heat on a stovetop, and Ellie helps to cart a few buckets of the colder variety up from the stream so you can all just stay in for the night.

Then it’s stew and cards, and Ellie kicking Joel’s ass at Scrabble, all of you bundled in wool sweaters and slippers handmade by you and Chickadee, the firelight glinting off the game tiles, highlighting the glee in the girl’s eyes, the resigned agony in Joel’s smile.

Almost a whole year now she’s been coming out here with you, and it’s wondrous how much she’s grown inside and out. You never felt lonely at the Roost, in fact, you had always very much enjoyed the solitude. Now you don’t think you could abide it. It’s only a home for a week at a time, but only when they come out here with you now.

It’s a nice night. Stars are out. Ellie’s still staring out at them as you and Joel fall asleep in the big bed.

_____

It’s the scent of woodsmoke that wakes you in the middle of the night, sitting you up straight in bed. Or so you think, except that the embers in the stove are low, so it can’t be that.

No. It’s a voice outside.

“Burn in hell, Joel Miller!”

Is that…Ellie? What’s she doing outside? No. Not Ellie. No it’s–

“Abby?” Ellie says blearily from the bunk above you.

There’s someone in the room moving swiftly toward you from the windows, hulking, with a rifle–

Joel.

“Get up. Both of you. Get out. The place is on fire.”

It doesn’t register.

“What? What fire? Joel? What’s happening–”

He shakes your shoulder, pulling you from the bed. “Get Ellie out. Now!”

There’s no other thought, just fumbling in the dark as Ellie jumps down beside you and dives for her jacket, shoving her feet into her boots without doing up the laces while you reach out one hand to catch hers for when it comes to you. The other gropes the near table for the walkie and thumbs the button.

“Meadowlark to patrol. Meadowlark to Goldfinch. We’re in trouble, there’s a fire and–”

The whole cabin sways. A gunshot from the balcony. Joel growling over his shoulder. “Get out! Now!”

“Joel–!”

“NOW!”

The ladder is still sliding down into place when you jump on it and ride it part of the way down, still waking up as Ellie’s boots come fast, almost kicking you in the face as she follows you down the rungs two at a time, moving through a plume of choking blackness only to come out below it to a roaring bonfire that’s eating through the Roost’s supports.

Oh god. The Roost…

is burning….

“JOELLLLLL!” you scream up as your stocking feet hit the ground hard, as you catch Ellie and pull her off the ladder and stumble backward, as something hits your head hard and causes you to let go, as separate sets of arms grab each of yours and drag you roughly backward, fast enough to keep your feet from catching up until you’re on your knees.

There’s a crackle in the air– “Patrol to Meadowlark. What’s the trouble?”

The walkie lies somewhere in the pine needles just out of reach and you’re screaming at it for help but all that comes out of your mouth is a string of names and no’s and helps. You’re able to yank your non-dominant arm free, pitching forward, clawing for the radio, until a flash of hard silver–a meteorite, exquisitely dense and smooth, malignant, swift, direct–cracks down on your forearm with a sickening thud, shattering the bone.

The world slides out of focus through a screen of sudden pain.

At first, you assume you’ve been shot in the arm. But then a figure steps around to your line of sight. Abby. With a golf club? What? Why? Where did she get that? The commissary? Why the fuck would they stock golf clubs? What the fuck is going on?

And you watch as Abby picks up the walkie. Tosses it into the fire.

The hands are back upon you now, forcing you back to your knees, and a third set joins them, wrapping around your forehead and chin, pulling you back against a belly and you struggle.

Where’s Ellie.

You’re able to twist your head to one side despite being held. She’s there on the ground, face down, groaning, with Owen’s knee in her back.

“Ellie? Honey?”

One pair of hands holding you twists you hard, meaning to pull you further away from her without compliance from the other hands or consent from your muscle structure and there’s a sickening pop as your shoulder leaves its socket and then your scream drowns out everything even the roar of the fire.

“She keeps it in her pocket,” Abby says. Rooting into Ellie’s pocket, Owen finds the knife and pulls it out–the one she cherishes, imbued with the legend of her mother, given to her on the same day as her name, her life, and her orphanhood.

The day Ellie told you the story, you’d taken steel wool to the knife and cleaned it. Oiled the hinge. Shined it up good and pretty.

It flips open easily in Owen’s paw. It twirls swiftly around, and points downward, his fingers closing over the hilt, thumb curling over the butt of the handle to give it more leverage when he’s ready to bring it down.

The night is horribly black and lit along the edges in orange fire.

There’s a loud crack. Owen’s thigh explodes in a splatter of blood and he falls backward off Ellie, screaming. The hands around your head let go and Mel runs to him.

Joel stalks out of the plume of black smoke, cocking the rifle, pointing only long enough at Owen to confirm he’s down and then swinging the barrel around to Abby.

A stand off. No sound or movement but the whoosh of flames and a few ground-muffled cries from Owen, a few sniffles and shushes from Mel.

“Who the fuck are you,” Joel growls out over the steel barrel, his cheek quivering in barely hinged anger.

Abby stands, solid, unyielding, straight as the blonde braid hanging down her back, club wound up tight, ready for the pitch, a face full of lines and soot and destruction.

“The last survivors of the Firefly massacre. You didn’t think to check the rest of the compound? Like the whole team was just one-offs? Like none of them had family, you sick fuck? You fucking orphaned us. Left us to fend for ourselves. Go ahead and shoot, old man. Marlene always said you weren’t so good at keeping kids alive, actually surprised you got as far as you did. So go ahead. Not like we’ve got nothing to lose. We just came to return some favors and finish the job.”

It’s only in the moments later, before the dawn, when you’re laying on your back looking up at the stars, one arm laying broken and useless in the snow beside you, the other cradling a weeping Ellie Williams as tight as you can, that you’ll be able to slow the film of your memory and play out the next thirty seconds frame by frame.

The series of snaps and cracks as the support under the Roost gave way and the whole structure tumbled out and away from the scene, pulling several pines down with it, the crashing and burning the only sound you remember now.

Ellie trying to shuffle along the ground toward you and away from the fire.

Owen pulling himself up enough to raise the knife and bring it down into the meat of Ellie’s calf.

Owen’s body flying backward as a bullet ripped through his skull.

A wrench of your neck and the warm splash of blood from above you as another shot rang out, one person holding you falling away and back, gone, but still pulling you down with their dead body.

The roar of an angry Abby and the clank of a club shaft on a rifle barrel.

Another gunshot.

The sound of metal hitting flesh.

Thirty seconds. And now you can see the stars. Orion. The Milky Way.

Somehow you’re lying yards from the little patch of burning trees with Ellie cradled in your good arm. Someone dragged you here.

There are voices and flashlights. The patrol. Bear and Tommy. Goldie and Willa and Chickadee.

And Maria. Laying on the ground beside you, exhausted from the effort of dragging two humans out of the burning thatch of trees.

“Joel. Where’s Joel.” It hurts to speak. Breath comes fast and shallow.

Then he’s there with the others, a bruise blooming purple beneath his eye, saying only what scant words he needs to move past them and get to you. To Ellie.

His hands are gentle, but his eyes are cold.

Two still, black pools reflecting fire.

_______

Perhaps unsurprisingly, you dream of Troy, his mangled face open and bleeding, laying in the hole next to Ash, mutilated, stopped at the moment of transformation into something more sinister, your ex-husband and his sister lost to you because they were headstrong, foolish, too devoted to each other….

Ash’s eyes open, what’s left of them anyway. “Abby’s afraid of heights. Didn’t even have time to tell her about the Roost being up on stilts. What’s a caboose?”

They didn’t know the Roost was elevated. They followed us out here and didn’t have a good plan. Is that it?

They don’t answer. They get up and climb out of the hole, turn their backs on your and walk into the forest. You call after them, desperate to have them back after all this time, begging them not to leave you.

But you’re calling after them wrong. You can’t seem to say Troy. You can’t say Ash.

You’re only calling out for Joel and Ellie.

_____

The next thing you know, you’re sitting up in the snow, leaning against Goldie, the girl patting at your cheek as you’re coming around. “Come on, come on back, baby.”

The sun’s up, but not high enough to breach the mountains circling the meadow. Everything’s still lit by the slowly dying flames.

The one two punch of Willa setting the bone and popping your shoulder back in must have sent you off. Looking down, you see you must have thrown up as well.

“Holy shit,” you groan, “I’m sorry. Oh my god, holy shit that hurts.”

“I know, I know,” says Goldie, smoothing your hair and kissing your forehead.

“Here,” says Willa, handing you some dark root. You forget what it’s called, you just know you gotta chew. “Don’t swallow,” she reminds you. “You ride with Goldie. She’ll keep you upright once that sets in.”

“I gotta get up,” you mumble, struggling to stand and inhaling sharply at the twinge of pain the movement brings to your bandaged and immobilized arm. Goldie’s able to help get you up, but seems hesitant to let you go. “Ain’t nothing wrong with my feet, lemme go. Where’s Ellie?”

But you don’t need to ask, she’s just behind you, laying on her back in the snow, one arm flung over her eyes, breathing heavy to manage the pain, leg bandaged and tourniqueted.

Good. Next priority. “Where’s Joel?”

Goldie points to the fire. It’s starting to die down, enough to make out the bodies of three teenagers consigned to the flames. Past them, the group of the regular patrol. Joel shaking his head at them, speaking. Jacket zipped up to the top, no scarf, no hat; probably got left behind in the Roost. Rifle over one shoulder. A backpack over the other.

But not his backpack. Why would he have someone else’s backpack? Why would he have one at all…

He’s…. No.

Pushing off Goldie, you immediately find out that walking is hard. Even if the pain’s just in one arm, everything’s connected, everything hurts; it’s disorienting. Your knees are bruised and even your soft sleep pants feel like sandpaper on them. Feet cold and wet, no boots…

Joel sees you struggling to get to him and walks away from the group and the fire, meeting you partway, catching your good arm as your fist falls hard on his shoulder and yanks, fingers digging in hard to his coat, doing your best to hold on tight, to keep him here, to convince him not to go.

“Don’t you dare, Joel Miller. What do you think you’re fucking doing???”

He says nothing, only lets you collapse onto his chest, to sob. There’s not even an arm to comfort you, he gives you nothing but the bare necessity, a wall to keep you standing, and you know nothing you say will make a difference. In essence, he’s already gone.

“Please. Joel. Don’t. Please don’t go.”

“Trail’s fresh. Best to get on before it snows and covers the tracks. One of them’s the pregnant girl. One of them’s bleedin’. They can’t get that far.”

“You don’t have to. Just come home.”

“They’ll just come back. Maybe not soon, but someday.”

He’s right. You know he’s right. Stepping back, it hurts to look at him. The Joel you love has been asked to step aside, the care and fondness he’s come to show you locked up somewhere secure, somewhere where it won’t get in the way.

I warned you, this Joel seems to say, void of emotion, jaw set, brow even and low, hand on the strap of his rifle. You took me in knowing exactly what I am.

He’s right.

“I need you here, Joel. Ellie needs you here. Don’t you dare go…unless you can come back.”

“I need you here too. ‘S why I’m going.”

Nothing. No kiss goodbye, no waiting for approval, he just turns and walks.

Maybe this is the last of it, just one last loose thread, then he can finally leave off wandering, finally shake off the killer and just come home, just be your Joel.

Convincing yourself of this is the only choice you’ve got.

________

You find yourself out on Maria’s back porch that night. Unable to sleep from the ache of the mending bone and the swell of your assaulted shoulder, it seemed like the best remedy was to find the toughest jerky in the kitchen, to sit on the porch in the cold and chew through the pain, and to lean back in one of the porch chairs with a soothing snowpack between it and your back.

The moonlight plays illusions like the canteen filmstrips–a summer image of Tommy and Joel teaching Ellie the mechanics of tackle football. The twinkle of the fireflies lending veritas to the picture…which in reality is only the twinkle of a dusting of new snow.

Not enough snow to make tracking impossible, but enough to make it difficult.

The back door opens and a blanket lands over your lap.

“Was gonna ask you if you wanted company, but then I decided, it’s my house and you don’t get a choice.”

Maria plops her own blanket in a nearby chair before disappearing and returning with two steaming mugs of tea as offering for the table between you. She takes her time covering you just so before wrapping herself up and joining you on the porch. “Suppose I should have asked if you want that cold pack changed before I get too comfortable,” she says, not really offering, but leaving the suggestion there between you if you need it.

It’s not necessary to talk for a while. She knows exactly what you’re thinking. Sees what you see.

“Did I wake you?”

“No. Riley did,” she lies. You’d heard her shift when you got up from the bed–her bed, well, hers and Tommy’s. But hers and yours for now.

“Thanks for taking care of us.”

“You say that like you’re not my family.”

“Well then, thanks for staying behind as if you are.”

It’s hard to see her out of the corner of your eye, backed by dark shadows. But the moon plays little crescents on her face, the curve of her nose, her cheek, her chin. Her voice comes out velvet from the dark.

“I know you’re pissed at Joel for going, but he’s doing the right thing.”

Now you make the effort to turn, rotating more from the waist than the neck to save the injury from twinging, but it does anyway, mirroring your spike in irritation. “Really? You think so? Is that why you sent Tommy with him? After all that time you spent bemoaning the things Joel made Tommy do all those years ago–”

“This is different. This is about the greater good.”

“You know that’s what the villain always says, right?”

She presses her lips together, hating that you’re right. “Okay, so maybe not the greatest good for the morality of the remainder of the human race, but. For the good of Jackson.”

“Two grown men hunting down two teenage girls is the greater good.”

“They won’t be teens forever. They’ve both got reasons to come back for their revenge. And now they know where Jackson is. They get taken in by the wrong people, and then the wrong people will know where Jackson is too and when they come back they won’t be alone. They’ll know exactly how many and what kind of folk to bring.” She holds your gaze for a few seconds, steady and wise but also warning, her warmth only thinly veiling the matronly protectress behind it, like a Durga on her throne. “You know why we have patrols. You know what happens to people that get too close. Two more drops in the bucket is all.”

“Three. One of those little girls is pregnant.”

She has no answer to this. Rather, your dig brings no new argument to the table. It’s just words, just a fact on the wind. It doesn’t sway the needle one way or the other.

It’s exactly what you’d been thinking about, staring up at her bedroom ceiling. Then out here on the porch. It’s like she knew you needed to hear the justification out loud.

“They would have killed him, lady. And Ellie. And you. I’m surprised you don’t want them hunted down like dogs.”

You turn your attention to the back yard, the smallest hump of leaves under the big tree there not quite scattered to the wind, sparkling with snow cover. You can almost still hear Ellie’s high laughter as it sounded the day she experienced her first leaf pile.

“Oh, I want them run down,” you say. “I’m all for that, let ‘em eat lead. I just didn’t want…” It’s not really necessary to continue. Maria knows exactly what you want. She always does. That’s why she sent Tommy with him. To keep him tethered to humanity.

To the way Joel watched Ellie jump and disappear into a poof of leaves. The sun in his smile. At peace. At home. Free from the old violence. Reborn.

I just didn’t want Joel to be the one to do it.

______

Maria’s dinner table feels empty. Funny, you think, it was always the two of you. For a while there was four, what with Troy and Ash, but most of the time just the two. Then Tommy. Then Joel and Ellie. Now Riley…well, that is, if he’s still up during family dinner.

You’ve slept through most of the light of day and was hoping to talk to Ellie at dinner, but Maria’s been taking all her meals to the guest room for her. Mostly so she doesn’t have to walk down the stairs on her healing leg, but also because Ellie’s not been talking since that night.

And you can guess why. It has less to do with the injury and assault or the fire, and more about the truths she learned during them.

Not much to do. The arm has to stay stable, strapped to your body. At least they fucked up the non-dominant one so you can still hold a fork, still brush your teeth. But knitting? Spinning? Helping Maria clear the dishes? Fat chance.

Not much to do but chew root, smoke wild weed, and sleep it off.

Maria reappears with a plate needs washing. “There’s a break in the clouds. I got three whole words out of her. This might be your chance.”

“Oh. Joy.” It’s getting to be less of an effort to stand now that you’ve got rest and food in you. The stairs are daunting only because of the conversation that waits at the top.

A knock on her door only grants you silence.

“I’m coming in, Starling girl. Best not be naked.”

No answer. You take that as the opposite of opposition. Tolerance.

She’s sitting on the bed, propped up by pillows behind her back and under her knee, her bandages freshly changed, no more blood pooling or free bleeding. She plays with the cuffs of her sweater, tugging at a loop in the knit, a book abandoned by her side as if she’d put it down when you knocked. A good sign. She doesn’t want to hide.

You crawl in beside her, awkwardly, one-handedly, a big showy sigh of relief when you finally land. “You know, if I was your mom, I’d probably start off with ‘what’cha reading there, kiddo?’ just to get you to say something, but I’m not your mom and I’m not here to make you talk if you don’t wanna–”

“Well I don’t.”

“Good. I didn’t come up here to hear you yap anyway.” You detect the tiniest twitch of her cheek, not quite a smile, perhaps a sneer…to scare away a smile. “Don’t talk, just listen.”

“I don’t wanna do that either.”

“Tough titties. I’m cashing in exchange for all the time I had to listen to you go on about Sally Fucking Ride.”

Now she does smile. Barely. Gives you the teenager face you wanna slap sometimes. “Tough titties? Really?”

“They didn’t have tough titties in the orphanage? Seems off-brand.” The smile fades. “Tell me how you’re healing. I’m not asking, I’m demanding.”

A big breath in. But the air doesn’t come rushing back with a dramatic sigh, just melts out of her with a single tear she doesn’t move to brush away.

So you do. “That bad, huh.”

“It fucking sucks. It fucking sucks so bad.”

“Heh, tell me about it. I miss the good old days of ibuprofen. Shit. I miss morphine. You’re young though, you’ll be up and running in a week or two. Me? I’m gonna be aching for–”

“He fucking lied through his teeth.”

Ah. There it is.

Now the colony of tears follows the first scout, pouring out over the plains of her cheeks until she covers her face with those cuffs she’s been picking at, relieved at being able to let it all out in front of someone who might understand, but probably scared as hell to let herself be this messed up in front of someone who might not. A gamble.

And a win. You’ve still got one good arm and you put it to good use, pulling her into your side. “Yeah, you’re right. He totally did. He’s a fucking asshole. Why the hell would he do that.”

“It wasn't time that did it,” she hiccups from under her woolen cuffs.

“I don’t know what that means, Starling” you say, unable to stop yourself from kissing the crown of her head.

She wipes her nose and comes up for air. “I mean I know why. But he fucking lied about everything. Straight to my face.”

“Well, you’ve got every right to demand an explanation and an apology when he comes back. Straight to his face.”

“If he comes back.”

You let that sit a moment between you. It’s her way of saying that she knows you’re mad at him too, that she heard the conversation you had with him when he left. It’s her way of poking at your own fears and getting you on her side.

“Those girls aren’t armed and the Miller boys have a lot more experience with being hunters than those kids do being prey. He’ll be back.”

“I hate him.”

“I know. But also. You don’t.”

“I had a… a purpose. A fucking purpose.”

“Well….I know you did, but…probably not so much as you think.” She looks up at you but you can’t meet her eye, she’s right to mourn, and you can’t deny her that. “Remember what I told you about my sister and her treatments?”

“The research hospital.”

“Yeah. Cancer’s been killing people on this earth far longer than cordyceps and they’d had millions of patients to test on. Still couldn’t crack it. How many people are immune like you? Because if it ain’t millions, you just become one part sample in a petri dish and another part dead body that maybe give some vague clues and then you’re all parts in the bin, end of story. I mean, I’ll be honest. I don’t blame him. You’re quite a keeper.”

Now her sigh is dramatic. “And then he fucking lied about it.”

“So you would feel good about it. Accomplished in your goal. Also so you wouldn’t hate him for caring about you more than you do.”

“Why didn’t he just say–?”

“Do you know that man to be good with words?”

This quiets her. Both of you. For a few minutes. She goes back to picking at her sleeves.

The sun’s set completely now and her little bedside lamp can’t even drown out the stars so bright on the other side of the window. Clear night. Cold out there.

After a moment you take your arm back, jostle her with your shoulder. “Hey. I’m going out to the Meadow tomorrow, check in with Willa, look over the damage. If I bring you back a piece of the Roost, you wanna do some carving or whittling or something? We’ll build a platform like the old one and it’s probably just gonna be a tent up there for a while like it used to be, but hopefully this spring or summer we’ll get a structure up there and we’ll need a cornerstone or a plaque or something signifying its importance. Since you’re on your ass all day with nothing better to do, and you’re the star recruit, I’d love for you to do it.”

Her lips twist, half smiling at the request, but then in regret. “I lost my knife.”

“The one from your mom?” She nods. “Well if you’ll do some carding for me while I’m out there, I promise to look for it, ask around, maybe one of the patrol picked it up, okay?”

“Okay. Oh. By the way…How are you healing?”

“I’ve been worse. But mostly I’ve been better. Thanks for asking. ‘S kind of you. But don’t you worry about me.”

“Okay. Um…I’m…sorry about telling them about the meadow and all.”

“Why? You’re a Roostling. It’s your story to tell.” Sliding off the bed you head for the door. “Oh hey. I meant to ask–” you nod at the book by her side. “What’cha reading?”

She doesn’t miss a beat. “Oh…just porn.”

“Cool. G’night.”

“‘Night. Hey Meadowlark?”

You poke your head back in before the door closes completely. “Hm?”

“Thanks. For all that. But mostly for not calling me kiddo.”

You smile. Nod. Give her a warm wink. “Sure. I gotchu, kiddo.”

It’s worth the eyeroll you catch as you close the door.

________

The most sickening part of coming in through the north passage isn’t seeing the burn scar on the pine grove in the middle of the Meadow, isn’t missing the outline of the Roost through the trees, but rather the feeling that your home has been breached, that for a moment it wasn’t safe and now you’ll always wonder if it will be.

Riding across the north plain, you close your eyes and breathe, let the horse plod on without your guidance, he knows the way. Once spring comes and the valley fills with flowers and the music of the lambs calling for their ewes takes over from this cold silence that comfort will be renewed.

But for now, there is no comfort on the Meadow in winter, not without a pretty little fireplace and a warm spot to watch the snow build up on the mountains.

You know what’s coming, but it turns your heart inside out all the same when you open your eyes.

Where once there was a cabin in the treetops is now a void leading downward to a pile of blackened rubble and debris. Off to the side under some lower trees is the old canvas tent with the vent hole and a friendly little trail of smoke rising from it. Willa always knew her way around a fire and didn’t mind keeping a low one going on the inside. You never were that confident, even with a fire-treated tarp.

She’s been at work out here, pulling useful things out of the rubble. The woodstove. The pulley jacks. A few timbers that are mostly unburned.

But there’s a pile of other things too, useless items that shouldn’t be mixed back in with the earth: a burned walkie. Twisted silverware and blackened plates. The iron tools from the rafters. Shattered tile. Your charred and mangled boots.

All that’s left in the major wreckage is wood. And glass. And bones.

Three blackened skulls, three sets of eye sockets and three jaws gaping up at the sky as if they were caught in the moment of realizing their plans were going terribly awry.

Stupid fucking kids. ….Just kids.

If someone asked you how you knew which one was Owen’s, you wouldn’t be able to say. You just know. The memory of him sinking that knife into Ellie’s leg…of hurting her…intent to kill… His skull breaks like a cracker when you put your weight on it.

Willa doesn’t say anything when she comes up along side to stare down at the bones with you. It's not the first time you've stood with her at the edge of a burned down home.

"I hate that it’s gonna take me a while to sift though all this,” you say.

“We’ve decided to skip your turn for a while. At least until there’s a new platform.”

You nod, resigned. You don’t love it, but it’s best. Trauma lingers longest of all hurt.

“How’s the flock?”

“They’re over it.”

“Figures. Fluffy shits. Any chance you found a pocket knife out here?” You ask her.

She nods, reaches into a jacket pocket and there it is, like it’s been waiting to come back to its keeper, made itself shiny and easily found. It’s passed between you like a sacred object, holy, a relic saved and cared for, a thing infused with deep love and meaning. There’s an instant relief as your fingers curl around it, your shoulders relaxing and releasing a little of the pain.

“Thank you.”

“There was this too.” From the same pocket Willa pulls a disk of silver and glass, turning it over and placing it in your hand with the knife.

The watchband is burned away. But it’s otherwise unharmed.

Willa may be a stoic, but she knows enough to recognize a release through tears and to hold you while you cry.

Later that afternoon when you knock on Ellie’s door, you’ll hand her the knife and a piece of the old Roost to carve to consecrate the new one. And then you’ll give her the watch and ask her to be your hands, to help you with one more thing.

________

Two days later, you’re standing in Joel’s living room, never having been here when it’s so quiet, dark, and cold. With you and Ellie staying with Maria, there’s been nobody here to light a fire, to make the place live. You wouldn’t be here if Maria hadn’t made a side comment about maybe you and Ellie’d been in the same clothes for a day too many. Not that you thought you’d be with her that long.

She was right. It was nice to change into something clean–a soft fleece and some sleep pants. While the sword of Damocles kept things in check at Maria’s house, it did feel just this side of an extended girl’s night sleepover, might as well dress for it. Ellie had asked for something soft and comfy so you decided to go for it, an assortment of sweats and sweaters in the duffel at your feet.

What you’re eyeing at the moment is an empty hook on the wall by the fireplace.

You put your hand in your jacket pocket and pull out the watch.

Ellie did a beautiful job with it, took directions like a champ. Sitting together on her bed, listening to Joan Jett and Pat Benetar, you’d instructed her how to design the plaid stripes into the strap, how to knot and plait in patterns.

“Macrame. MACrame. Mac. Ra. Mayyyyyy,” Ellie’d chanted. “It’s a fun word to say. What’s it mean?”

“Fringe. Knotting. It’s just the name of the technique. I dunno. Probably something prettier in French.”

The strap clasps had been lost in the fire, so you’d had Ellie work him a new strap out of dyed and tightly-spun wool, something a little longer so he could tie it on. Most likely he’d come back here first, so you want to put it somewhere he’d see it, that way he could have it again without a lot of fuss but knowing at the same time you were thinking of him. So you slip the end loop over the hook, gently let it slip through your fingers and rest against the wall.

If he comes back…

The front door opens. Boots on the wood. The thump of a backpack.

By the time you’ve turned, he’s coming in through the front hall.

When he sees you standing here, he stops.

You never imagined this moment. You should have. It might have prepared you for the yellowing bruise on his face, the majority of his left pant leg browned with dried blood, his knuckles raw and just beginning to heal over.

You struggle with finding the right question. Find ‘em? They dead? Finish the job? No survivors?

I’d ask you what the hell you did, but I know and I don’t wanna hear you say it.

Instead all you can muster is a nod at the blood on his jeans.

His eyes slide to the staircase, already looking to move on, and he only answers with a short and shallow nod of his own before doing just that.

You find yourself sitting on the couch, staring at your hands, the duffel, the watch, back at your hands. Listening as he moves around upstairs, dropping boots, his belt buckle clapping to the floor. The shower running for a long, long time.

Sun’s going down. Getting colder.

The squeaks from the staircase are slow, softer than usual. He’s taking his time coming down. Doesn’t want to force himself back into a space so safe and quiet after pushing through one so big and mean.

He barely shifts the couch as he sits on the far side. Clean shirt. Clean jeans. A pair of socks you knit him.

“Where’s Ellie?” He sounds like he hasn’t spoken to anyone in days. You’d wager he hasn’t.

“With Maria. We’ve been staying there. I was just getting us some clothes. Didn’t think you’d be gone this long.”

“Neither did I. They had a head start. Younger. Faster. But you’re safe now. You’re both safe now.” He’s quiet long enough for the house to give a settling creak as the wind picks up outside. “How’s that arm?”

“Joel, you can’t keep us safe from the world. The world is what it is.”

“The fuck I can’t,” he whispers back, defiant, stubborn, with enough venom that he seems to scare himself and he breathes in deep, keeps it, holding back.

All you want is your Joel back. Even in all this mess. All you want is for him to lay down his fear and love you the right way.

So instead of arguing, you get up and stand before him, give him the time it takes to understand you’re going to straddle his lap whether he helps you or not. He reaches for you on your way down, guides and supports you, allows you to rake through his wet curls before leaning in to take possession of his lips, to will him–by kissing through to his very soul–to come back to you.

He can’t help but respond, his whole body coming to life, and in the cold, twilit living room, you become a tangle of silhouettes as his hand pushes up under your sweater–somehow still keeping an aura of care around your ruined and wrapped arm–to squeeze almost painfully at your curves, rough and wanting, panting between devouring kisses as he paws beyond the waistband of your sleep pants, sucking at your neck when you throw your head back as he reaches what he was searching for….what you hoped he’d find…

There’s a tousle of repositioning and a clatter of belt and zipper. You’re both raw and rough and needy, and you both take advantage of the emptiness of the house to fill it with the sounds of desperation, of effort, the song of casting off of all inhibition, a duet of total and grateful release.

But through it all, it’s the way he holds onto you that tells you how much he wanted to get back to you, how close he intends to hold you and never let you go, a desperation that tells you exactly where his faults lay…

…that it was necessary–and always will be–to eliminate any chance of someone taking you from his world by force.

It’s not so much possession as a fierce and burning need to be possessed. A need to belong, concentrated down to its basest form.

“I’m sorry,” he says as he softly kisses your temple, spooning you in the afterglow that burns bright in the darkening room.

“For what? You didn’t hurt me.”

“Rushed it a little. Tend to act before thinkin’ sometimes.”

You’re not completely sure what he means by that. At first you think he’s talking about the rough sex, but you get his meaning. Stalking off after Abby and Mel so impulsively. For being impulsive in general.

For acting out of trauma.

Or love.

“I’m not the one you need to apologize to for that, Joel.”

You can tell the moment he understands when his forehead gently meets your shoulder. “Shit.”

It’s probably the best time to break it to him, while he’s still a little softheaded and euphoric. “She’s ready to listen. But I won’t promise it’ll be easy. It might just be you and me here for a while.”

Once his breathing evens out, he shifts, still holding onto you, but just coming back down, settling back in.

“What’s that?” He mutters, just on this side of falling asleep, lazily pointing at the watch on the hook by the fireplace.

“Your Valentine’s Day present. From both of us. Sorry it’s late.”

________

Taking some shifts off from the Meadow rotation affords you time to start slowly moving things over to the new A-frame, Maria helping you to load up a skid now and then and unload it, walking beside you as you lead the horse that tows it.

After a week or two, Ellie’s up and walking–well, limping, but healing–and starting to talk to Joel at dinner again. She’s on the verge of actually gracing his bad jokes with a smile or even a laugh, but she’s making him work hard for it. Good for her.

You haven’t asked either of them how the talk went. Don’t know if you ever will. That’s between them, the less you interfere, the better.

But you know that things are on the mend when you find Ellie playing Joel’s guitar–learning some Johnny Cash song you know he loves.

And you have a feeling that spring is on the way when you drop off another load at the new house and find a new frame on the wall–a handmade, custom carpentry display shadowbox.

With a watch hanging inside.

_______

PREVIOUS: AUTUMN

NEXT: SPRING AGAIN (coming soon)

MASTERLIST

SERIES MASTERLIST

#leave off your wandering #tlou fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x meadowlark #joel miller x mature reader

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