#i maintain that while she does have some familial feelings for John

[vengeful-horde-of-angry-ghosts]

I think something to keep in mind regarding Kiriona and John's relationship, especially regarding the content of Kiriona and Ianthe's argument at the tomb, is what happens when they first meet. Yes, Gideon has a parent now! He's God! He gave her a new name connecting her to their culture and a commission in the cohort and made her his heir! Maybe he really is trying (when he's not drunkenly fucking his way through the cohort).

But the first time she meets him (during the Jerry Springer portion of the book), she sees the fight with Mercymorn and Augustine where he admits to lying about the cavaliers having to die. (As a cavalier who died, I think it would be totally reasonable for her to take this one personally.)

More importantly, she's angry with him for hurting Harrow. She straight up tells him, "Go to hell, Pops."

She watches Ianthe save him and says, "She got one choice, and not only did she blow it, but she blew it in such a huge fucking spectacular way that you would’ve been impressed had you not hated her for it."

Next sentence she calls John "the guy who had lied to everyone about everything."

Not a great first impression.

So back to Kiriona. She seems loyal enough. She plays the part. But she goes awol to get to New Rho first chance she gets (I don't believe for a second that John actually sent her there, especially considering there was no way to know they'd end up on the ninth. It has to be about Harrow, which Ianthe even asks.). She seems to me to be angry and defensive when she talks about what John has done to her body, her eyes "hard and dead and bright, like something that had been dug up" when previously they had been compared to Nona's eyes.

I feel like her loyalty to John isn't as secure as most people seem to think it is. If Harrow was disappointed by him as God while he still had his shit together, how disappointed must Gideon be to finally have a parent and it's John in his breakdown stage? Even Ianthe is disappointed by him.

I'm reminded of this exchange with Harrow in GtN:

“I need you to trust me.”

“I need you to be trustworthy.”

Given everything she's seen him do, I cannot imagine her finding John trustworthy. I can't imagine that a few months of playing happy families has changed that.

[tickledpink31]

I’ve had this idea for a while, and the six pose dance song has been stuck in my head for a week. So, this new girl with the striking resemblance to Minako is an alternate version of Minako from another dimension. She’s now Mika, an orphan and high school student in Japan. Watch me as I make some self-indulgent found family content with a very niche part of disney.

Feel free to ask more about Mika and the recruiters

A few warnings: Content is mostly sad since I can't seem to make ocs without torturing them or giving them tragic backstories. I was also kind of sad doing research about orphaned children in Japan.

Bio

As a baby, she was found on the doorstep of a child institution without a single piece of information to identify her biological family. Mika has lived in three institutions and with two different families. Her status of being an orphan has often left her friendless and discriminated within not just her school, but almost every place outside an institution.

Currently, Mika resides in her second foster home with the Arai family that neglects her and only took her in to get the government money. She works as a waitress at a diner in hopes of surviving the adult world once her foster family kicks her out after she graduates from high school or even sooner once she turns eighteen in November.

Meeting the Villain Recruiters

(I couldn't find a lot of information on if Japanese schools going to field trips to Disneyland, but for the sake of this plot, just go with it)

Mika's homeroom wins an all-expense school field trip to Tokyo DisneySea set during the week leading up to Halloween. Much to her delight, she gets the opportunity to attend the Disney Villain Recruiters Atmos show event and the Sailing Day Buffet event. Little does she know, the recruiters are not just actors, but actual henchman of infamous Disney villains.

...And all 10 of them are scouting her long after the trip is over.

Personality

While her twst counterpart, Minako has little sister energy being the youngest in her family, Mika in comparison has big sister vibes. On the surface level, Mika can seem childish due to her naivety and her need for attention from adults. However, she’s quite responsible as she is rather efficient at time-management between work and school, doing chores around the house, and even helping the child care workers take care of the younger children when she was still living in an institution.

Mika maintains a soft-spoken persona, but holds strong convictions about how unfairly institutionalized children are treated and how biological parents aren't always good parents. She is more perceptive than she lets on as she is well aware that the recruiters are making excuses to spend time with her in order to gain her favour and later be recruited. She rarely voices her opinions and inner thoughts out loud.

Having spent most of her childhood as a lonely orphan, she craves attention and affection from others, especially from adults. In spite of knowing the ulterior motives of the recruiters, she continues to consort with them as they were the closest thing she had to a group of friends.

Abilities

Unlike Minako, Mika is not a witch or that much of athlete, but she's near-indestructible. She doesn't know why. She can survive the heaviest falling debris, gunshot wounds, stabbing, decapitation poisoning, and cannot be burned by even hellfire. Mika has only gotten sick twice in her life, but her illnesses tend to hit very hard.

Hey, I only said "near-indestructible."

Other Facts

Up until she was six, Mika was called Hanako Yamada or Yamada Hanako in Japanese. And no, I don't mean the little sister from Yandere Simulator or the comedian. Hanako Yamada and Taro Yamada are the Japanese equivalent of Jane/John Doe.

Her first family that she was taken in by was a sweet elderly couple who adopted her when and legally changed her the name to Mika Masaki.

Mika was among the very few children who got to live with a family let alone two families, but only because she has no biological parents and other relatives that anyone knows about that can ask to take her back.

Mika's first adopted parents taught her plenty of basic life skills in cooking, cleaning, managing money, etc.

Unfortunately, her adopted parents were beginning to experience the first stages of dementia when Mika was ten and were deemed unfit to care for her. The Masakis were placed in a nursing home and Mika was forced to go to her third institution before eventually being taken in by an uncaring foster family a year later.

Relationships with the Recruiters: A Summary

I'll make a much more in depth version of the relationships another day. For now, take a summary of their general relationships with Mika.

They seem to know something about Mika's origins, but why? It's like she met a long time ago, but Mika can't put her finger on it. She knows that they're planning to recruit her, she just doesn't know why her specifically. And if they wanted her to be their team so bad, why are most of them so distrustful and acting like she could fold them like a lawn chair?

That's how it was at first. Over time, all ten of them grew to care for Mika and started empathizing for her situation. They are slightly yandere-ish because half of them don't know how to act like regular humans.

Mika has a few love interests from the group, mainly being Jack Heart and Apple Poison. Why? Because they're my favourites and I have to have romance. I had this scenario in mind on Mika's eighteenth birthday and Jack Heart was the first recruiter who made his official introduction to her and brought a tart for her birthday at the end of their wonderland shenanigans. This is still just him with ulterior motives but still.

[nythowl]

Don’t ever play with me

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x OC

TW: i don’t think of any, maybe some angst and swearing, and kind of sexual stuffs?

Words account: 2744

Note: Well this is my first fanfic with Thomas, and english isn’t my first language, feel free to correct my mistakes!

I feel into a deep obsession with Peaky Blinders lately, and I absolutely had to write something bc i’m going crazy. Also I haven’t watched anything after the 2nd season, so no spoilers

edit: i might turn this into a longer fanfic rather than an one shot, i have a lot of inspiration ;)

Enjoy !

As soon as Thomas entered the room, he saw her. She was standing right next to the bar, surrounded by a few men in black costume, and of course one of her brothers, standing in her shadow. He must have been looking a bit too hard, because she noticed that the three Shelby’s brothers were here. She excused herself, grabbed the glass of wine from the counter and made her way towards the boys. 

She was all smile and pretty eyes, her earrings catching the light and her dress making flowy movement as she rolled her hips. Tommy thought she was pretty confident walking towards a group of criminals men, knowing she just sold them a cargo full of shitty merchandise. 

“Hello sirs, it’s a pleasure to see you here.” she said when she arrived at their level. 

“Pleasure’s all ours.” replied John with a coy smile.

He grabbed her hand and kissed it, before his brothers could make any comments. If eyes could kill, he’d be dead on the spot. Tommy had his hands in his pockets, jaw locked and scowling at his brother, rightly pissed by the naive behavior of John. 

Arthur looked grumpy as always, but more about the fact that he didn’t have the easiness of his brother to be so outfront with such a beautiful creature. John backed away and pretended to watch something else, feeling the cold anger of his brother.

But despite the evident tension even her brothers could feel from across the room full of people, Gabrielle didn’t flinch and kept smiling softly.

“I assume that if all three of you are here and looking so serious, this has something to do with business?” she asked brightly. 

“Right.” replied Tommy.

“Of course it is, I admire your dedication to work!” A little laugh escaped her throat, crystal clear. 

He asked himself how such an angel could be so devilish, selling drugs and all sorts of other illegal things for the account of the family business, while maintaining a perfect and innocent facade.

“Unfortunately I fear we can not talk right now for many reasons. If you want to stay here, I should be able to get some time for you later in the evening. Otherwise we can schedule a meeting dur-

“I’m here because you tried to sell us shit thinking I wouldn’t notice. I don’t like people taking me for a moron. You could either take us to a more private place where we can discuss this calmly, or…” 

Tommy let a little silence hang in the air while giving Gabrielle a discreet look at the cross of his gun. Her whole body language changed, and her brothers around the room became alert, giving clear signs to the Shelby’s that she was well protected.

“I think there is a misunderstanding, I provided you exactly what you asked for. Now is not the place nor the moment to talk about that. I suggest you wait, as it seems to be a rather urgent matter. “

Her honey-like voice and doe eyes were gone. She was standing straighter, her chin held high and looking right at Tommy. She didn’t seem to be fazed by his gaze or his threat. 

Actually, it looked like the more Tommy was trying to intimidate her, the less she was actually impressed. She never backed once, always stood her grounds through the danger. 

Tommy evaluated the situation. He didn’t manage to scare her, and it was not worth pulling a scene right now considering the number of people. A part of him also knew his business with Gabrielle’s family was quite important, and it would benefit him to keep it as it was, rather than starting a war. Even if the girl was seriously getting on his nerves.

He put his hands in the air, surrendering.

“We’ll wait.”

The woman relaxed, and smiled again.

“Perfect then, I’m glad we could find an arrangement.”

The polite and professional mask was back on, as if she just wasn’t threatened to death, a threat which was only pushed back for later by the way.

“Everything you order is on me, as a way to apologize for making you wait.” she walked past them, putting her hand on John’s shoulder as she did so. “Please make sure to enjoy your time here.”

She gave them a last and languid look and left. John watched her walk away, dumbfounded, his eyes fixed on her hips. Tommy slapped him on the back of the head, startling him. He muttered something about his brother being an idiot, and made a beeline to the bar. 

If he was going to deal with this fucking woman, he might as well be drunk. 

Despite the party around and the cheery atmosphere, no one dared getting close to the three brothers. Arthur was getting ridiculously drunk, and John was sulking in his corner, feeling like a punished child. Thomas was as serious as always, keeping a steady eye on Gabrielle.

She was a social butterfly, keeping conversations to everyone. It was now pretty late, and the party had slowed down. Soft music was playing in the background, and people were talking around tables, still drinking and talking about serious matters such as politics and business. 

Gabrielle now had a glass of whisky, and she was talking to an old man and one of her brothers. 

Tommy was starting to get more and more angry, and even his brothers were slowly getting away from him, fearing he might explode. He wasn’t even trying to be patient or subtle anymore, and was pointedly staring at her. She didn’t seem to care or even notice. 

He turned his eyes away for a few seconds to check on his brothers, who had managed to leave him, and were talking to some girls a bit further at the bar. 

When he went back to the woman, she had disappeared. Tommy stood up abruptly, and started scanning the room. 

She was climbing some stairs, trying to get away from people for a moment. The man she was talking to seconds ago was dismissing her, and was clearly more interested in talking business with Lucas, her oldest brother. She tried to slide into the conversation a few times, but was rejected as a child who asks too many questions. 

Anyway, she was going to have to talk to Thomas Shelby, so she decided to leave for a moment before talking to him and his brothers. 

She liked to be prepared when she saw him, at least mentally. She knew she had to take a moment for herself before talking to Thomas, at least to get a hold of herself. This man took every opportunity to try to intimidate or provoke her. Gabrielle was convinced it had nothing to do with her being a woman, it was more about pride and control.

First time she saw them, it was actually Arthur who brought her down and refused to talk business with her. But Thomas didn’t seem to give a fuck, and so they signed a pact to work together. 

The problem came later when she refused to be scared of him. She made it clear that she was working with him, and not for him, and therefore she had no order or bullshit to take from him. 

And Thomas couldn't do anything against her or he would break an important business, and mostly declare war. So he just had to wait for her to make a mistake by trying to break her patience, provoke her and bring her down anytime he could. He always kept her on her nerves, always wanting to scare her.

She couldn’t allow him to have control over her. At first it was a question of business, but then it became personal. 

Those fuckers really ruined her night, especially Tommy. They had the audacity to barge at the party she hosted, where she invited them, and to accuse her of god knows what. 

They didn’t seem to care talking about private and illegal affairs in a public place. Why should they? They were known criminals.

She didn’t even know what happened with what she provided. She even went to check everything was in order herself, because she knew not to mess up with the Shelbys, especially as a woman in business. 

Fucking hell. She could feel herself getting reckless and losing her temper. She was now in the bathroom, drinking water and splashing some in her neck. She cleared her throat and spat in the sink.

“Not exactly what I expected from a lady.”

Gabrielle raised her head in surprise, catching Thomas's reflection in the mirror in front of her. She laughed slightly, but it sounded tired. She looked in his eyes through the mirror.

“Can you expect anything ladylike from a woman selling anything illegal?”

“Yes. I expect that she will respect her word and honor our contract.”

Gabrielle sighed heavily.

“I’m sorry but I truly don’t know what you’re talking about. I was here when the merchandise left and I had just checked it. If you can explain to me further what happened, I’m sure we can find a solution.”

She was still looking at him through the mirror, as he was standing in the back of the room. She was leaning forward, her hands on the bathroom counter. She saw him cross his arms, and his jaw tightening. 

“Stop trying to fuck with me, and tell me the truth.”

Gabrielle let her head fall to avoid having to watch him in the eyes. She let out a nervous laugh and before she could think of what she was saying, drunk words were spilled.

“Darling, if I wanted to fuck you, that’s not how I would do it.”

 She winced just after saying the words. This was going to be the end of her, she knew it. She could already hear him approach, but she did not dare look up.

Suddenly, his chest pushed against her back, her hips were pinned between his and the counter, where he put his hands next to hers. She could feel his breath on her neck, and she heard his slow voice against her skin.

“Oh yeah? And how would you do it?” 

She felt herself trembling slightly, and a warm ball forming in her stomach. In the mirror, she could see him resting against her, and watching intently her reflection with his head tilted, his lips inches away from her ear. 

She couldn’t form any words, let alone a coherent sentence. 

He laughed sarcastically, and she felt the rumble coming from his chest travel through her own body.

“You sure got a big mouth, but you won’t do a thing." he teased again.

Enough with the provocation, she wanted to make him shut up. She actually wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. She had run out of patience, and wanted to finally get back at him for every time he had looked down on her. 

She swiftly turned around, now facing his chest. She pushed herself to sit on the bathroom countertop, and she saw him instinctively reaching for her waist, before she put a hand on his torso. 

He stopped mid-track and noticed he wasn’t actually thinking of what he was doing. Gabrielle looked very pleased with herself, her cheeks were pink, her eyes were a bit glassy and devilish. But she hadn’t finished just yet.

The hand that was resting on his torso grabbed his tie. She slowly wrapped it around her finger while dragging Thomas closer to her. 

She opened her legs and tucked a bit harder to bring him. His hips crashed against hers, riding up her dress almost to the top of her thighs. 

She was still holding his tie, looking up at him, their foreheads nearly touching.

Now his hands were on her waist, she could feel his finger digging in her flesh, she could feel the heat of his body around her, and she could feel his lips inching closer, longing for more.

Shivers were roaming her body, she could barely hide the fact that she was shaking like a leaf. 

It had been years since a man touched her like this. Right now, she was living for his attention, for his desire she could feel burning. 

Thomas was breathing with some difficulties, not really understanding how he ended up in this situation, and why he liked it. Their hips were connected, and the sight of her bare legs drove him crazy. In the desperate need of feeling more, he grabbed her thigh and lifted it up a bit to get them even closer. Now their chests were smashed against each other, and Tommy’s hand had slipped under her thigh, grabbing the soft skin inside her leg. 

Gabrielle drew what was left of her confidence and strength to say a full sentence.

“See? That’s how I would fuck you, if I wanted.”

If she wanted. Of course, if she wanted, she could tear him apart right now, and Tommy would gladly let her. He realized she had him wrapped around her finger. In fact, she had them all. He saw how John fell to his knees every time he saw her, and how Arthur didn’t muster the courage to look her in the eyes. Hell, even Aunt Polly seemed to like her, and that was something in itself. 

Fucking hell. A few minutes ago, he was the one in control, pushing her into a corner.

Now she had him by the balls, quite literally. And she was still looking at him, waiting for his reaction.

“Stop looking at me with those fucking eyes” his voice was clearly threatening.

“What eyes?” she asked innocently, watching him through her eyelashes, raising slightly her eyebrows. 

Talking back was way more fun than answering politely. She was tiptoeing between his wrath and his lust, playing around the edges, and she loved the danger, the rush of it.

He leaned back a bit, taking all his time to watch her, letting his gaze linger on her exposed legs, his hands wrapped around it. One of her straps had fallen, and let an open view to the beginning of her breasts. He took a look at her lips, before meeting her eyes.

“Don’t ever play with me” there was no appeal, what he said was definitive. He didn’t seem to be angry, but his voice was so calm and cold, and she could actually see his rage behind his eyes. 

“Or what.”

Gabrielle feared it was the last words she would ever say. But the alcohol had finally kicked in, and she never felt more alive. She was letting go of months of tension and hatred towards the man, in a rather strange fashion that seemed to work.

Before she knew it, the hand that was on her waist was at the back of her neck, pulling her hair. She let her head fall back as he leaned towards her, supporting her head and firmly gripping her thigh.  

Instinctively, she wrapped her legs around his waist, and she knew that if he were to look down, he would see her panties. Fortunately for her, he was too occupied biting her neck.

Fucking hell, he was biting her neck! She let out a pained noise and panicked a bit about marks that he may leave. 

“Not so eager now, uh? Worried I might leave some bruises?”

He leaned back again so she could sit normally, but he didn’t let go of his hold on her.

“Or I could leave them somewhere only I could see.” he offered while running his rough fingers inside her thigh. 

The seriousness of the situation suddenly hit her like a brick. Was she really going to fuck with him? She didn’t realize what she was doing and what she implied. Actually, a little part of herself knew, and was begging for her to fuck him like an animal, right here, right now. But that was the little part of herself who usually wanted to down a whole bottle of whisky, or jump in the water fully clothed. So not such a good idea. 

But before she could actually decide what happened next, Thomas cut her.

“Don't get worked up over nothing, darling” he insisted on the last word on purpose. “We can be both to play this game”

And with that, he stepped back, totally detaching his body from her. 

[noodlecupcakes]

OC Tattoo Tag Game

I was tagged by @josephseedismyfather, thank you <3

Does your OC have any tattoos? If not, do they want any?

Yep and shes quite content with what she has, she isn't looking to get anymore.

If the answer to both questions above is ‘no’, does your OC enjoy the aesthetic of tattoos? If not, is there a reason why?

How does your OC act while they’re getting a tattoo? Do they grit their teeth and deal with the pain, do they need something to hold onto while getting inked, ect.?

Because of where Tabitha's tattoo is, she was able to handle and deal with pain with not many issues, perhaps with the colour and shading later she might have felt some pain but otherwise, shes calm. She is content enough to talk to the artist whilst they work. She'll bring snacks, water and her phone.

Would your OC ever get a face or hand tattoo?

No. Definitely not her face, not only is she wanting to steer away from that level of pain she has an image to maintain.

List any of their tattoos/prospective tattoos below. Feel free to add any meaning they may have.

She has a half sleeve on her left forearm, a collection of flowers, water lilies, roses, iris' and sunflowers. Each flower represents a different member of her family. Waterlilies for herself, Roses for her mother, Iris' for her father and Sunflowers for her deceased sister, Mae. She also ends up getting the seven deadly sins tattooed in cursive on her back by John Seed. Not too big though as she didn't want it to be an eyesore and she wanted it to look more delicate.

I tag: @kittyofalltrades and @jana-banana-fana

[davestriderascend]

the homestuck reread pt. 1 (so far)

alright lets get into it. i just finished act 5, so this seems like as good of a place as any to recap. this is already getting really long, so this post will cover acts 1-4, and ill talk about act 5 in the next post

Act 1-3

acts 1 thru 3 are extremely short, and largely center john, his eventually named friends, and johns ascent into the medium. the story is propelled by reader commands, full of pop culture references, and largely about the fun video game mechanics and jokes hussies setting up with sburb. all art has been hussies so far, and the first three albums (vol 1, 2, and 3, each one corresponding with the obvious act) have consisted entirely of mostly short songs all written for and used in flash pages. there might be one or two original ones that im forgetting, but im pretty sure the albums were just collections of songs used in the comic at this time. during this time, hussie also had his first formspring going, and occasionally made updates on their blogspot blog. she ALSO created a blog for dave, which i did, unfortunately, read.

The Characters

like i said, 1-3 are mostly just about john. rose is introduced and named at the very end of act 1, while dave is introduced and named in act 2. john is the only character who enters the medium, while panels about rose and dave mostly focus on rose acting as johns server player while struggling to maintain her wifi connection through the storm and meteor shower, and dave trying to set up his server client connection to rose. jade is teased, but not introduced at this time. very few trolls make an appearance this early in, if... any? i dont remember.

john is a chipper, goofy kid who loves his family and his friends and has bad taste in media, and i love him every bit as much as i did the first time reading homestuck. as with all of the guardians in early homestuck, honestly, johns relationship with his dad is particularly compelling, watching him roll his eyes and go through the typical rebellious teenager antics, while also witnessing that they very obviously care about each other a lot! the way he cuts through dave and roses shit and teases them is a lot of fun, and hussie does a really great job of setting up early in that these kids have been really good friends for a long time.

rose is honestly my favorite this go around. shes snarky and her humor is biting and at times childish, and her dramatics, while often just silly theatrics, often hint at really compelling emotional turmoil and backstory. shes a complex character right out the gate, with tangled feelings about her mom, her interests, and her cat, who projects an image toward her friends in order to protect her feelings. still, its obvious that if rose is ever sincere about anything, its her unending love for her friends, and its this kind of juxtaposition between this edgy, sarcastic, and grimdark personality she puts off and these warmer, goofy moments that make her so much fucking fun.

dave has a lot less focus in early homestuck, and seems to largely serve as the voice of reason and guide to john. hes the savvy coolkid, who already has shit like sylladexes figured out, and is usually the one who points out obvious solutions to john and moves the plot forward. he is also. the voice through which hussie projects a lot of the worst moments of bigotry in hs, and there are a loooooot of slurs. so. thats there. my first readthrough, i imprinted on dave instantly like a baby bird and he quickly became my favorite, but this go around hes honestly been a lot less compelling for me.

the exiles are introduced in act 2, and mostly function as silly, simple comic relief, and some vague foreshadowing as to whats to come. theyre simple characters, but i fucking love them. so much.

The Plot

early hs is probably the most coherent, plotwise. hussie has a plan in place, and shes pretty sure she knows where shes going with it. despite the randomness of the reader commands, the next step is always obvious on the horizon- getting all the players in to play sburb. its really simple, and its kind of nice to just sit back and enjoy feeling like everythings going to be wrapped up nicely (even tho it wont be). i also just like, really enjoy a lot of the humor in early hs and the video game jokes and stuff, so it was a lot of fun to read! its very reminiscent of problem sleuth at this stage. i also really enjoy the exiles, and i think the early acts are where they really get most of their attention

The Albums

i think its cool that each album has a kids symbol in 1-4, and its cool to listen to the early music that really set the stage for a lot of later, huge songs. a lot of these songs are referenced and remixed like, constantly, and its really cool listening to a song and going hey! that sounds like its got some heir of grief in there! while ive listened to a lot of the hs soundtrack, i mostly listened to later albums, so i was surprised to learn just how early toby fox started working on hs. and how much. jesus

The Formspring and Blogs

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. listen. dont read these. save yourself the agony. the blogspot is really more just the act 1 and immediate post problem sleuth era, so i got bored of it pretty quickly and gave up on reading it. it wasnt super relevant to my reread experience.

the formspring, the FIRST ONE, is much worse than the second one hussie made, and is just. full. of nonsense troll asks, stupid posts that dont mean anything, and hussie justifying artistic choices that dont need to be justified again and again to people who are just being mean for no reason. there are some really funny posts in there, and there are also some posts that provide cool background info that you wouldnt otherwise know, and there are a lot of inside jokes in hs that started on the formspring, so it can be cool to see those develop. however. there is also a lot of bigotry, a lot of hussie saying really stupid shit, and a lot of just inane questions that wasted so much of my time. it takes forever to read, and sometimes i regret it.

daves blog is. ugh. its like sbahj but he says the n word and i think thats all that really needs to be said about it. it was a really unpleasant read. on that note, i am not reading sbahj. i didnt read it the first time, im not going to read it now, and i do not care how much it references hs and vice versa. sbahj fucking sucks, and houses some of hussies worst bigotry moments, and i just. really do not want to get into that.

The Intermission

the (first) intermission is one of the shorter intermissions in homestuck and revolves entirely around the midnight crew and the felt. this is the one where the mc breaks into the felt mansion and starts breaking clocks, killing people, and fucking shit up. not much happens, other than introducing the felt and mc. during this time, the midnight crew: drawing dead is released as the first album w new songs not previously featured on panel.

The Characters

ive always been a huge fan of intermission characters. its a really goofy little sidestory in hs and feels very problem sleuth at times, but i love it a lot! still, there isnt a ton to say here, in part bc the intermission is so short, and in part bc its really about the midnight crew and not the felt. itchy, doze, trace, cans, die, stitch, fin, eggs, and clover are minor side characters who mostly just exist to die. also snowman is teased, briefly. i think clover and doze probably get the most detail work, and then. maybe trace and fin? tragic stuff.

The Album

i liked this one! its been a hot second since i listened now so youll have to forgive me if my review isnt super detailed, but it was fun to see how the artists worked together to kind of create a musical profile for the city and the crew! very experimental, very cool.

Act 4

jade is FINALLY introduced! this act focuses more on balancing all four kids, with rose entering the medium at the beginning, dave entering towards the end, and hussie finally catching us up on this last mystery friend of johns. the exiles (midnight crew included) get a lot of attention in this act, showing not only their actions in exile, but also who they were before exile, and the trolling really gets going in this act. this is also the act where john ectobiologies all over the place, and where derse and prospit start to become relevant. the trolls still havent been revealed fr, and jade still hasnt entered the medium! during this time, hussie was answering questions on the first formspring still, and vol 4 and vol 5 were released.

The Characters

this act focuses a lot on jade, especially early in. ive always had a hard time relating to jade as a character, and shes never really been one of my favorites, but shes absolutely instrumental to the plot of hs and this act really shows just how much shes contributed to setting up the game. shes also more often than not the vehicle for how we get to see the trolls in early hs, because for soem reason they seem to pester her more than anyone else??

in the medium, john gives us the best view of how sburb is supposed to be played. he goes on sidequests, talks to the salamanders, builds cool stuff, fights imps, and just sort of does what hes supposed to! similar to acts 1-3, act 4 is still setting up sburb.

i think the only trolls who really receive any kind of prominence this early in are tavros, karkat, kanaya, and terezi, but dont quote me on that.

other than john and jade tho, i think most of the stuff i have to say abt the characters in this act wld be better saved for talking abt in act 5 act 2

The Albums

im not going to talk abt vol 4 or the formspring here bc i think i already covered both in 1-3, but vol 5 was also released towards the end of act 4! vol 5 is some stuff in the comic, and a lot of stuff that isnt in the comic, and has a pretty cool album cover! this one has some songs that wind up being referenced in songs that are really well known or well loved (for example, sunslammer, which toby remixes for the undertale soundtrack (and i think also gets remixed into a song that gets remixed into moonsetter?), or crystalanthemums, which will eventually be referenced for crystalmethequins (one of my favorite hs songs)). it also has hardchorale, which was so fucking trippy to listent o that i actually posted the link to it in my liveblog. 10/10. hilarious. my favorite song on this album is planet healer, which is also one of my favorite hs songs!

thats acts 1-4 covered, so expect act 5...... soon.

EDIT: heres my recap of act 5 subacts 1 & 2

[anotheruserwithnoname]

Thoughts on Wednesday ep. 1

I don’t have time or energy to binge anymore but I did watch the first episode of Tim Burton’s Addams Family update series, Wednesday, and I have some thoughts.

Spoiler break ahead, but the tl;dr is I bloody loved it.

Thing gives somebody the finger. That pretty much is Exhibit A that this is a far cry from the John Astin/Carolyn Jones TV classic of the 1960s, or for that matter, Tim Burton’s own 1990s reimagining with Raul Julia that made Christina Ricci a star with her own version of the sociopathic Wednesday.

As can be expected from an updating, there are a number of ... updates to be had. Wednesday at times shifts from being pure evil (did she really kill 2 fellow students or is she just playing up? That’s left unclear but one bully does get his private parts chewed on by a piranha after he makes the mistake of bullying her brother, Pugsley) to being simply disturbed, in part due to an incident when she was a young child that is as close to an origin story as we’re likely to get. At the same time, Wednesday’s relationship with her parents (Catherine Zeta Zones as Morticia, revisiting her accent from The Mark of Zorro, and Luis Guzman, whose casting was a bit controversial, as the first-ever comic strip-accurate live-action Gomez) is strained, to put it mildly. So after the aforementioned piranha incident, she is sent to a boarding school called Nevermore, which is basically Hogwarts with the training wheels taken off.

At Hogwarts, she remains a bit of an outcast though in the episode she does begin to form friendships (or, at least, aliiances) with some of her classmates including Enid, a werewolf who is upset that she can’t actually change into one, and a guy who tends a coffee shop in the town, who bonds with her.

Jenna Ortega is absolutely amazing as Wednesday. Her unblinking performance as the troubled Wednesday (the series makes no attempt to hide the fact she’s messed up, though the question is left open whether Wednesday likes it that way or not), who in this more supernatural-tinged series has begun developing psychic powers, is absolutely amazing and if she isn’t nominated for an Emmy I’ll be surprised. Even in the first episode there are some moments that may come to be considered iconic in the future: her fencing (dressed in black), the piranha pool scene, and an absolutely incredible cello performance of Paint it Black. 

There are also some surprises. After being omitted from all the promos, we actually get to see Lurch again (at least in the first episode there’s no indication of him being any more than a background character, though) - Uncle Fester arrives later in the season according to the “coming soon” trailer that ends the episode. Gwendoline Christie is enigmatic as the headmistress, who might be more than she appears. Christina Ricci - the original Tim Burton Wednesday - is also in the series, playing another administrator at the school who, while clearly not meant to be a riff on Wednesday, still shares some of the traits of Ortega’s version (she’s last seen feeding venus fly-traps). 

There are some nice touches - details the original series and even the movies never went into - like having Thing apparently communicate at one point by what appears to be a form of (or maybe the actual) sign language. Which makes perfect sense, though the only thing I wasn’t a big fan of in the episode was how Wednesday treats Thing. That felt a little off to me.

The first season of eight episodes dropped all at once (I hate that - kills a show’s momentum and results in spoiler reviews coming out before the show has even been online for 8 hours), so whether it maintains the strengths of the pilot remain to be seen (I have seen a clip from an amazing dance routine Ortega does later in the season). Right now the show also has a bit of a early Riverdale feel to it, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing since that show in its early days was the closest TV got to replicating the Twin Peaks esthetic I’ve seen. 

I’ve written before about how remakes and updatings of old shows generally suck. Either they get bogged down in present-day politics (in order to “make things right”) or they forget what made the show popular in the first place (Ving Rhames, you’re amazing, but Kojak can only be made with Telly Savalas) or they approach the original with some level of distain. Burton we know respects the source material, and he has chosen well in casting Jenna Ortega, who (with all respect to Christina Ricci and Lisa Loring) is already the best Wednesday Addams ever based on a single episode.

And we get to see Thing give somebody the finger. It’s a win for everybody!

[marlowe1-blog]

“Goodbye My Brother” (The Collected Stories of John Cheever)

So this was the first story I read in this collection and I read it well before I chose to make a project out of this book. I will have to apologize for the fact that I don’t remember it that well. Also I found it rather tedious. More importantly I found the characters tedious.

The little brother that does not want anything to do with the family - he’s great. He’s not the center of the narrative but he doesn’t drink and he doesn’t care about the New England family where he came from. So while his brother and mother and sister(?) are drinking it up, he’s being smug. As anyone would be if they actually had to deal with this family of rich tedious drunks. 

Was there a sister? I don’t remember if there was a sister. Ok. So anyone looking to use this blog as cliff notes for their John Cheever reading project, you can just tell me if there was a sister. And then don’t use this. 

Anyhow the narrator hits his brother on the head with a rock. Only the brother is not really saying much. 

I suppose I should have more to say about this since I just did a bunch of processing in the past year about my toxic famliy. Like I have a cousin that I still talk to but I don’t feel like calling her (even though she’s had a hard few months) because I don’t want to hear an anti-Fauci rant. And she praised the Italian fascist woman. And then there’s my other two cousins - one kind of reached out when my mother died and the other one is an Alex Jones fan whose mother is a total rightwing Xian bitch. 

I guess I was working with all the baggage from my mom trying to make me the center of her universe and never giving me any proper boundaries except the boundaries that I fought to maintain. And this has ruined a great many of my adult relationships. It’s rather strange thinking that ultimatley my Alex Jones spouting cousin could have been my story. He’s living at home with his mom even though he’s a full grown adult and he searches for conspiracy theories because they make him feel like he’s smart and accomplished and not a loser whose other escape plan was crystal meth. 

So I suppose I was already eager to hate the family on behalf of the brother who gets his head knocked in, but my family is white trash (there are some cool second and third cousins) descended from a Hungarian madame. While we have our share of drunks, it’s not the polite New England drunks. 

Anyhow, that’s my take on the first story. I did not think that I would keep going. 

patreon.com/timlieder

[captaincvans]

Title: Not a Burden

Characters: Shelby Brothers x Shelby!Sister; Alfie Solomons

Summary: Y/N Shelby is starting to feel a burden to her family, and wanted to do her part in helping the family- except she decided to work with another gangster to help her with her cause.

Warnings: A rotten dude exposing himself to a minor. Please do not continue/read if that bothers you.

Word Count: 5.8k

Author’s Note: This was way longer than I expected, but I'm glad to be able to post it finally. I hope you enjoy a longer fluffy little sister Shelby fic! Also comments/reblogs feeds a writer's soul!

Y/N wasn’t usually an eavesdropper, but her family was so loud it didn’t really matter if she was trying to or not. She heard only pieces of what they were talking about, but it was clear on what the problem was. The Shelby family was running short on money. With their reputation, there wasn’t much that they needed to pay for, but maintaining that power requires people to be bought.

“We still need to buy Y/N’s medicine and school supplies,” Polly reminded the boys.

“She’s all better- does she still need medicine?” John asked.

“Yes,” Tommy answered shortly. He wasn’t going to let his younger sister suffer just because they hadn’t managed their money well this month.

“If you boys hadn’t put business before her as usual, she wouldn’t have gotten sick.”

Y/N felt her heart sink as she heard her name being mentioned as one of the reason they were short on the money. A few weeks ago, she caught pneumonia after walking home from school. Usually, one of the brothers would drop her off, but they were called away and she insisted that she would be fine. Tommy left a few Peaky boys around the city to keep an eye on her while having her believe that she was walking home independently. When it started raining, she thought nothing of it as she enjoyed the rain and didn’t find it as an inconvenience. That night as the boys got home, she couldn’t greet them with her usual energy as she felt ill. She skipped dinner and went to bed early, and by the next morning her fever almost overtook her. It was an awful few days, and she had to be hospitalized immediately. Tommy paid to make sure she was getting the best treatment, and as she realized, it must have costed the family a fortune. Her lips started wobbling at the thought that she was the reason her family was struggling, but she soon wiped away the tears, knowing it wouldn’t do anything. She made a promise to do her best to help the family. She started with eating less, skipping a few meals here and there to make sure the food can at least be stretched out without her eating it. Next was her school supplies, she was usually a meticulous scholar, having all her notes organized but she now made it a point to make sure she didn’t need to replace her items as quickly. Her final idea was to use some of her old clothes, and turn them into handkerchiefs to sell on the streets. She was a great seamstress for her age, and knew that this was something she would be able to do easily. With a new found resolve, she took a deep breath and got to work.

Y/N has been selling her handkerchiefs for a couple of days now, not earning as much as she wanted to, but at least it was something. She mostly sold them after school under the guise of playing, and would end up staying up to do her homework. This worked out in her favour as she can skip breakfast the next day for more sleep. She was getting quite tired, but her love for her family overpowered her desire to rest and sleep. It was a cold foggy day in Small Heath and Y/N was standing at a different street to attract new customers. She was trying to get the attention of the people walking by, but to no avail. Finally, she saw a man approach.

“Hi mister! Would you like to buy a handkerchief for a lovely lady in your life?” she asked with a huge smile. As the man got closer, her smile drop as she saw his intoxicated state and leery grin.

“Hey there little girl. It’s not safe for you to be out here all alone.”

“I-I’m not alone,” she lied. “My brothers are just at that shop.” She pointed to somewhere behind her, hoping her lie was believable enough.

“Uh huh.” The man got closer, close enough that she could smell the alcohol off him. “That’s a nice hankerchief you have there. Mind if I grab one-“ He plucked it out of her hand without hearing her answer, and stuffed it down his pants.

“Wh-What are you doing, mister?” she asked, as she saw his hand move inside his pants. He was moaning as if in pain, eyes closed. “Mister?”

“Fuck,” he cursed, shoulders dropping in relief. He took out the handkerchief, a white sticky substance staining the once floral pattern. With an evil grin, he grabbed the back of Y/N’s head, trying to stuff the handkerchief in her mouth. She squirmed against his grip.

“No! What are you doing?!” She was pushing his arm away but he was much stronger. He was able to smear the cloth against her cheek before he was pulled off her by another stranger.

“Now that’s not a very nice thing to do,” the man started. “Taking advantage of little girls.” He nodded towards someone behind him, and placed a comforting hand on the girl’s shoulder. “Are you okay, dove?”

She shook her head, unsure of what just happened.

He took another one of her handkerchief peaking out of her bag, and poured what smells like alcohol from the flask in his pocket. He gently rubbed the white substance off her face, making sure there were no traces left behind. “Make sure you clean your little face real good when you get home, okay dove?”

She ignored his suggestion, staring up at his somewhat familiar face. “Who are you?”

“Name’s Alfie Solomons. We’ve met before but you were just a little babe- about yeah high.” He motioned to a little lower than his knee. “You’re Y/N Shelby. Your brothers and I are business partners.”

At the mention of her brothers she lit up, trusting the man immediately.

“Now what is the likes of yourself doing on the streets? Don’t tell me that stubborn brother of yours cut you off from their money.”

She shook her head vehemently. “Tommy would never do that!” She stared at her shuffling feet, ashamed. “I made my family spend too much money so I want to pay them back. They’re not financially in a good spot.”

Alfie raised an eyebrow, unsure that the little Shelby knows what she just did by telling him that. Any of the Shelby’s enemy would yell in glee by that information, knowing that the mob family was vulnerable to attacks because of their lack of funding. Luckily, Alfie was quite fond of the Shelby family, and his new favourite was the one standing in front of him. His cold heart warmed at the thought that she was so worried for her family that she would go all the way to selling her stuff on the street as if there wasn’t a mark on her back because of her last name. “Well then today is your lucky day. I was looking for a little assistant to help me with things as I settle into me temporary home here.”

“Really? What kinda things?” she asked, eyes wide with hope.

The man was surprised at her eagerness, realizing that her siblings must’ve done a great job at protecting her from their world as she was still able to put her faith in people like that. “Just small things- picking up my groceries from the market, and maybe a prescription here and there from the pharmacy for me eye. I can pay you,” he paused, playing with his beard for the extra suspense. “Ten shillings a week.”

“Wow! That’s so much!” She agreed happily to his terms.

“Every Monday I will give you a list of what I need for the week, and I will pay you every week when you make your deliveries.”

“Thank you thank you!”

“Though before I hire you, you need to be better at indiscretion.”

“What does that mean?”

“You can’t go around telling people that your brothers don’t have money- your brother’s got enemies that could take him down with that information.”

Her eyes widened as she realized the severity of what she had done. “I’m so stupid!” she cried, hitting her head with her balled up fists.

“Hey, hey, there's no need for that now.” Alfie has seen grown men with less guilt for putting their family in danger with the information they divulged. “Lucky for you- you just told lil' old me, and I’m harmless.”

Y/N looked up to the London gangster with tears still lining her eyes.

“Don’t cry, dove. I’m sure even if you spent all of your brother’s money, they wouldn’t have the heart to be mad at ya.”

“I would never do that!” she said, taking his jokes quite seriously. “My family means everything to me.”

Alfie nodded, confirming that he made the right decision in hiring and caring for her. He walked her back to the outskirt of Shelby territory, knowing that her brothers would have people around to look out for her.

It’s been a few weeks since Y/N started her job as Alfie’s errand girl. Both her and the gangster was surprised that her brothers hadn’t caught wind of their relation. Though the two didn't spend more time than necessary together, they became quite close. Alfie was busy with running an organization, and Y/N was busy trying to get her homework finished. She also kept up with selling her handkerchief when she had time between running errands for Alfie, schoolwork, and pretending to be a normal kid in front of her family. She was upset that she couldn’t spend as much time with her siblings as before, but she knew she has to in order to make up for being a burden.

“Y/N,” Finn called, seeing his sister walking to their home after school. “Tommy’s called for a family meeting.”

Her eyes widened, and her heart started thundering with excitement. She raised a good amount of money, and felt like she could share with her family what she’s been up to. “Okay, Finn. I’ll be right there!” She ran to her room, grabbing her shoulder bag full of money and was basically vibrating with excitement while they waited for the entire family to trickle in. She sat in the middle of Arthur and John, ignoring their chuckles at her gleaming eyes. 

“Sounds like it’ll be a breezy meeting if you’re letting Y/N sit this one in,” John commented towards Tommy who was lighting a cigarette. 

“Let’s begin,” the older brother ignored the comment and started the meeting. “As you know-” 

The youngest Shelby’s hand shot out in the air as if she was at school. 

Tommy raised an eyebrow, trying not to show any indication of annoyance at his sister’s behaviour. The second oldest brother was too soft when it comes to matter to sister, and he would rather blind himself than purposely hurt her. “What is it?”

“I have something to share with you guys.” She pulled her out her messenger bag that she carries her handkerchief and the money she collected thus far with.

“What you got for us, girlie?” Arthur asked, peering into her bag to catch a glimpse of her gift to them. 

She took her bag off, and emptied the contents on the table. The Shelby clan’s jaw dropped in shock. They weren’t expecting their youngest sibling to be emptying almost 100 shillings in cash on their table. 

“How in the hell did you get that much money?” John asked. 

“Girl, you better not be stealing,” Polly chastised, eyes narrowing. 

“I’m not! I swear it.” She looked around for her family’s approving faces, but was just met with surprised and curious looks.

“Then you better explain yourself.” 

“I overheard you guys talking a few weeks ago about being short, and I know it was my fault. I stupidly got sick so you guys had to spend money on me, and I felt really bad so I decided to help. I cut my old clothes and sewed them into handkerchiefs- I’ve been selling them on the streets to make the money.”

“You made this much selling handkerchiefs?” Tommy asked, an eyebrow raised in  suspicion.

“Well… no… I wasn’t making much- just a few shillings here and there, but someone hired me!”

“Who?” Arthur asked.

“Mr. Solomons.”

“Y/N!” Polly berated. “Do you know who that is?”

“At first I didn’t, but he said he knew me since I was little. He was a really nice man, and he gave me 10 shillings every week to run some errands for him.”

“What kind of errands?”

“Just picking up groceries and prescription- that’s all!”

“I don’t want you seeing him again,” Tommy said sternly.

“But Tommy- he’s a real nice man.”

“Yea you said that already,” Arthur muttered, unamused by his sister’s connection.

“How did you even meet with the likes of him?” John asked, wondering how his sister got into contact with the mobster.

“Well… one day when I was selling my stuff, this man took my handkerchief and he stuffed it down his pants. I’m not sure what he was doing but he was rubbing it a lot in his pants, and making a lot of weird noises. When he was done there was this white icky stuff, and he wanted to put it in my mouth. I was so scared but Mr. Solomons came and saved me!”

“What the fuck?!” Arthur roared with fury. He jumped out of his seat, John following with him. “Who was this man? What did he look like?”

Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise at her brother’s reaction. “I-I don’t know. Mr. Solomons pulled the man away, and next thing I know the man was gone.” She turned to Tommy who’s jaw was clenched, and his knuckles were white from gripping his the edge of the table. “Am I in trouble, Tommy?” she asked quietly, head bowing down in shame.

“No.” He pushed himself off the table and placed a hand on her shoulder. “You did nothing wrong, but we are going to pay a visit to Mr. Solomons.”

She nodded, following her brothers who were hastily putting on their jackets. She usually held on to Tommy’s hand when they were out for safety, but he had both fists clenched the entire time, making her her believe that she was in trouble. Arthur and John were no different. She thought if they were cartoon characters they would have steam coming out of their ears. It didn’t take them long to get to Alfie's temporary lodging.

“Well well well… if it isn’t the Shelby boys, and the little princess.”

“Hi, Mr. Solomons!” she greeted with a wave and a smile.

“Hello, little one.”

Tommy moved to cover Y/N from Alfie’s gaze which did not go unnoticed.

“Oh relax, would you? I would never hurt a hair on little Y/N’s head. Didn’t you hear? I saved her from an unsightly perv-”

“Did you skin him alive?” Arthur growled. “Did you tear him apart and burn him to ashes?”

“Actually, I’m sure you’d be happy to know, but I have kept the lad barely alive. I figured once the littlest Shelby told you guys what she’s been up to, you lot would pay me a visit.”

“Where is he?!” Arthur grabbed Alfie’s collar, pushing him against the wall.

“Arthur-“ John placed a hand on his oldest brother’s shoulder. “Take it easy.”

“He’s in the barn by the outskirt of town. My men have been keeping him barely alive, but I’m not sure how much longer he’ll have.”

“Tommy-“ Arthur turned to his brother, a short silent conversation happening.

“Go.” Arthur and John didn’t waste another minute and left for the man.

“What are you trying to do, Alfie?”

 “What?”

“Why are you helping us?”

“Correction. I’m helping Y/N. What she chooses to do with the money I give her is her choice. If she decides to spend all that money on the sweet ice cream shop across the street then that’s her choice, and if she decides to spend the money on helping her family, then I really can’t say anything, can I?”

Tommy’s eyes narrowed, and then flickered when Y/N wrapped her hand around his, seeing it was finally unclenched. “You hurt her in any way, and I will end you.”

“Despite your very hurtful assumptions of me, I would never hurt Y/N.”

She smiled at the older man, already considering him another kind uncle.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, little Shelby?”

“8am sharp!” she responded with a little salute.

“Alfie-“

“You can have your men escort her here or I can have my men pick her up and drop her off at your residence. She’s never been alone while running errands-“

“What?!” Y/N exclaimed, surprised at the revelation.

“You think I would let a little Shelby running around associating with me unattended, child? That’s as good as a death wish. I had my men following you to make sure no one would mess with ya.”

The girl pouted, thinking of the bodyguards as babysitters. “I’m not a baby.”

“No, you’re not,” Tommy started, ignoring Alfie’s raised eyebrow, “but you are still a child, and we are not going to take that risk of you running around by yourself.” Not with a target on your back, Tommy added in his thoughts.

As they were heading out, Alfie put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, stopping the man in his tracks and leaned near his ear. “Girl’s too hard on herself. Now, I don’t what you Shelby boys have been filling her head with but she’s got more loyalty than the lot of you. Make sure you pay her the same respect. She don’t need to be skipping meals trying save y’alls money, but she does it anyways.”

Tommy’s jaw clenched, nodding sharply. “See you around.”

“See you later, brother.”

As they walked out, Y/N tugged on her older brother’s hand. “Tommy, where are we going?”

“We’re gonna make sure Arthur and John do their job,” Tommy simply replied.

“I-I have to see the man again?” she asked, her voice trembling.

“No,” he answered right away. “This man will never bother you again.”

Tommy said nothing as they continued their journey to the barn. In truth he wanted a piece of action in giving the man what he deserved, and he knew he shouldn’t take her with them because this was what he wanted to protect her from, but at the same time he needed her to be physically with him to make sure she was safe. He couldn’t believe in his stress he didn’t check up on her like he should- he didn’t make sure she was safe. The fact that this man was able to even approach her like that was something he thought should’ve never happened. He knew now that she needed more protection- more people to watch out for her. He was more than disgusted at what that piece of garbage did, and he wanted to make sure he paid for his crimes. His sister is pure in every way, and he wasn’t going to let anyone make her feel uncomfortable like that again. He made sure she wasn’t exposed to the dirty life they lead, and if it was up to him he would make sure she never would.

Tommy made sure Y/N stayed in the car, telling her that one of the brothers would be out in a bit to keep her company. He entered the barn, hand already on his gun. He wasn’t surprised that Arthur was still beating the bloodied man up while John leaned on the wall, his fists equally bloodied.

“John, go keep Y/N company outside. Arthur,” Tommy called for his brother’s attention. “Is the man dead?”

“Not yet. I want the fucker to suffer as much as I could,” the oldest Shelby said, spitting at the barely alive man.

Tommy stepped closer, hearing his raspy breathing from the beating he took. He took out his gun, pointing to the man’s crotch. “There’s a special place in hell for people like you.” The Shelby leader kept his voice low, making sure the man wait in anticipation at what he was going to do. He shot the first bullet, the man howling in pain. The two ruthless brothers watched him writhe around before he passed out, then Tommy shot the final bullet to his temple.

Arthur pulled out his lighter from his pocket, dropping it on the man before leaving the burning barn with his brother. Outside, John had Y/N in his arms, the little girl laughing at his animated stories. The two older brothers got in the car and drove away.

When dinner came around, Tommy watched as Y/N serve the kitchen staff heaping of food on their plate, but only put barely any on her plate. He was reminded of Alfie’s words, and stepped behind Y/N. He grabbed the spoon she was serving herself with and the plate, putting more food on it.

“To-Tommy, I’m not that hungry!”

“There’s plenty of food, so eat.”

“I was planning to eat the leftovers tomorrow for lunch.”

“There’ll be food tomorrow for your breakfast and lunch.” He didn’t miss the fact that she purposely skipped breakfast.

“Bu-“

“You haven’t been eating,” he said, and the little girl froze.

She lowered her head, and Tommy’s heart dropped to his stomach when he caught her glistening eyes, and the reflection of her tears on her cheeks. He immediately put the food down, going down on one knee to see her face. “Why are you crying, love?”

“Tommy, I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for, love? I told you nothing was your fault.”

“Everything is my fault though! I can’t do anything right!” she exclaimed, tears running down her face. He pulled her up, carrying her to his office for more privacy and sat down on his couch with her on his lap.

“What’s this all about- why aren’t you eating?” 

“I just feel awful,” she wailed finally, her eyes never meeting her brother’s in shame. “I got sick and you all had to pay so much for my medicine! I tried to eat less to make up the money you guys spent on me, but it didn’t feel like enough-“

“No,” he said sternly. “You are not missing meals or eating less because you feel guilty. You will eat the proper amount, got it?”

“But-“

“Don’t make me tell Polly to monitor your meals.”

“I just wanted to do my part in helping with the family. You guys do so much for me, and I haven’t done anything.”

“Y/N, you are a child. You don’t need to worry yourself with these things. Your big brothers are gonna take care of everything for you.”

“But you’re already so stressed out, and I feel like I’m causing so much trouble. I’m not even worth it-“

“Y/N M/N Shelby,” Tommy hissed. Despite his tone, he gently grabbed her chin with his index finger, forcing her to look at him. With tears lining her eyes, she finally met his soft blue eyes, finding no trace of resentment but only love. “You will never say those words again.”

“Tommy-“

“You are worth everything and more than what we have. If I have to lose everything we own and burn down this whole city for you, I will. You are the most important thing in my life, and I will not hear you say those words again.”

“‘m sorry, Tommy.”

“Stop apologizing. You have done nothing wrong.” She leaned back down, her tears stopping to a few sniffles. “So here’s what we’re gonna do. You will eat to your fill, and tomorrow we will get ice cream after you’ve finished your errands.”

Her head snapped back up at the mention of her favourite treat. “Ice cream?”

“Yes, but you have to finish the food on your plate.”

With a wide grin she nodded, jumping out of his lap to get started on her food. He went over to the family room, finding his family getting read to head to the kitchen.

“Why has no one noticed Y/N hasn’t been eating?” he thundered, glaring at his family members for not noticing her lack of proper care.

“She’s not?” John asked, thinking back to his encounters with her.

“I thought she was just getting conscious about her body,” Polly shrugged. “You know how girls that age are, but I always made sure to put more food on her plate.”

“She has been skipping meals because she feels bad that we’re spending money on her, and I will not let that happen ever again. If anyone sees anything amiss- anything at all, you come straight to me.”

“Y’know,” Arthur started, scratching the ends of his moustache. “When I checked her homework the other day, I noticed that she was writing extra small. Me thinks she’s trying to extend her school supplies as well.” The brothers had long stopped making fun of Arthur for insisting on checking her homework. Everyone knew Y/N was the most educated on paper, but Arthur felt it was his obligation as her oldest brother to see that her homework was done and done well.

Tommy placed a hand on his forehead, wondering how much he’s missed in the last few months. “Fuck,” he cursed.

When the family went to the kitchen, they frowned when they saw Y/N staring at her food without eating a single bite. When she saw them come in, she burst into a huge smile. “I was waiting for you to eat together!”

“Oh silly girl. Your food’s all cold now,” Polly chided.

“It’s okay!” she shook her head. Arthur took the plate in front of her while Polly prepared another plate fresh from the stove, adding a bit more food than what initially had. “Arthur no! You can’t have my cold food.”

“D’n worry, love. It’ll get warm in my belly anyways!” He put both hands on his belly, patting it.

She giggled at the sight, and her eyes twinkled at the sight of her family around her. They all made jokes with her whilst still making sure she was eating so when she cleared her plate, Polly sneakily grabbed her plate while Arthur was distracting her and put a little more food in front of her. To everyone’s delight she ate it all, yawning after all the food was gone and the laughters died down.

“Tommy, can everyone come get ice cream with me tomorrow?”

“You were gonna get ice cream without us?” John asked, hand on his chest as if the thought offended him.

"Never!" she shook her head. "We're all going, right Tommy?" Her brother could only nod at her request with a small smile.

Arthur cleared his throat and got up. “Now before you go to bed, love, we need to check your homework. Perhaps we can clean your backpack as well.”

“Okay, Arthur.” She hopped off her chair, grabbing his hand and leading him to her room where she does all her homework. She took out her notebook, and Arthur immediately noticed the worn out pages from how little she had written in the notebook- it was barely legible.

“Love, I can barely read your writing!” he exclaimed. “You need to write bigger next time- for your dear old brother’s sake, eh?”

“Sorry, Arthur.” She looked down at her shoes. “I was trying to make my notebooks last longer so you wouldn’t have to buy me more.”

“None of that. You’re our little scholar- we need you to be studying hard with all the right supplies or else who’s gonna be keeping Tommy in line?”

She giggled at his jokes, and nodded, relieved that she didn’t have to lie to her brothers anymore.

“Now, read me your answers so your dear old brother doesn’t have to strain his eyes.” He sat on her chair, picking her up to put on his lap just like when she was smaller.

She read him the questions and her answers, pointing them out so there were no spelling errors either.

“Well, we got ourselves a little Shelby genius here!” he kissed her cheek, and she flinched away from his moustache, giggling all the way.

“It tickles!” she shrieked as he continued to rub his cheeks against her soft ones.

“Alright, love. Good job on your homework.”

“Can I go to bed not, Artie? I’m feeling kinda tired?” the littlest Shelby yawned to prove her point, already almost dozing off.

“Tired, eh? What have you been doing to be so tired?” Arthur asked it as a joke, but Y/N avoided his eyes as she thought he was being serious.

“I’ve been staying up late making the handkerchief, and waking up early to sell it so I can do errands for Alfie after school and still do my chores when I get home.”

Arthur’s heart broke hearing how much his youngest sister has been working, and he immediately gave her a hug. “You don’t need to do that anymore, love. Tommy’s got a plan- kid like you don’t need to be working so hard, eh?”

She nodded, almost already dozing off in her brother’s embrace.

“Go get ready for bed, and I’ll come back to tuck you in.”

“Okay!” She left for the bathroom, and Arthur went back to the kitchen where his family had stayed to grab her a glass of water for the night.

He gave a deep sigh, rubbing his forehead and closing his eyes tightly.

“Is Y/N okay?” John asked, his oldest brother’s state putting him on alert.

“Girl’s been working herself to the bone for the last month- staying up late, not eating, and still trying to run everyone’s errands. She’s fucking exhausted and it’s not even 8pm yet where before she would be begging us to play with her until midnight.” Arthur shook his head, filling up the water in the cup and leaving again.

“You tucking her in?” Tommy asked.

“Yea. She asked if she could sleep early- nearly fell asleep on me.”

Tommy nodded, following his older brother to her room. Y/N was brushing her hair, lighting up when she saw her brothers again. Arthur placed the glass of water beside her bed, and came up to her to take the brush from her hand. He finished brushing her hair for her, reminding the siblings of when she was younger and sat on his lap while he tried figuring out how to braid her hair.

“There you go, love. Prettiest girl in all of Small Heath.”

She giggled, but shook her head. “No, Artie- That’s Ada!”

“You both are the prettiest girls in Small Heath, and dare I say the whole world!”

Y/N giggled again, giving her brother a big hug before settling in bed where Tommy was standing by. He smiled as she got under the covers, and he sat down on the edge of her bed, pulling the covers right under her chin. He placed a hand on her small face, rubbing at her cheek with his thumb. He noted how soft and smooth it was, reminding him just how young she was. He leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead.

“I love you, Y/N- so much,” he whispered seeing her eyes droop.

“I love you too, Tommy,” she mumbled before succumbing to her tiredness.

The next day, Y/N and her brothers made their way to the ice cream shop. Suddenly, she stopped and gasped. “We should invite Alfie!”

The brothers couldn’t stop their sister in time before she ran off to his house, and they were quick to follower her. She knocked on his door, rocking on her feet in excitement. When the door opened, she was surprised to find someone else at the door. She hadn’t noticed but her brothers surely did that his hand was underneath his coat, most likely holding on to a gun.

“Excuse me, is Mr. Solomons home?” she asked before being pulled back by Finn behind her other brothers who had stood in front of her.

“Ah if it isn’t the Shelby clan,” the man muttered.

“Who’s there?” Alfie asked, approaching the door.

“Alfie!” Y/N greeted, shaking off Finn’s hand around her. “D’you wanna come with us to the ice cream shop?”

“Well I can’t refuse a little lady as yourself.” He grabbed his hat, and gave instructions to the man who opened the door. “Be a dear and finish up here, why don’t you.”

The Camden mobster followed the family to the ice cream shop, everyone in the shop immediately ceasing their chatter. Y/N paid no attention to the fear in everyone’s eyes as she ran up to the selection of ice cream they had.

“Mister, I want ice cream for all of us, please!” she ordered. “I can pay for everyone!” She held up her little horse purse that Tommy got her so long ago.

“Oh, there’s no need for that,” Alfie said, putting a hand on her shoulder.

“No, no! I want to treat you guys to ice cream.” As she went back to picking a flavour, the 4 mobster (and Finn) stared the poor owner down, not having to say a single word to get their point across.

“Don’t worry about paying Miss Shelby. Your ice creams are on the house!” he said trying to sound jovial, but tripping over his words.

Y/N didn’t notice his stutter, but beamed in happiness. “Really?”

“Yes- you never have to pay for ice cream here!” 

“Wow! That’s very nice of you, mister!”

Y/N made sure everyone got their ice cream first, having a habit of putting everyone first. When it was time for her ice cream, the man made the mistake of making eye contact with Alfie. His shaking hands didn’t wait for Y/N to grab the ice cream, and slipped form her tiny hands and on the floor.

“Oh no- oh God,” the man immediately muttered. You could hear a pin drop at how quiet it was in the shop. People tensed, waiting for a bloodbath to occur.

Y/n gasped in surprise. “Oh no! Spilled ice cream. I’m sorry mister- I can help clean up!” She narrated the event only like a child could.

“Oh- uh- well- Don’t worry about the mess,” the man sputtered. “It was my fault. I can give you another ice cream.”

“It’s okay mister. You already gave us all ice cream,” Y/N said, trying to hide her disappointment. Her bottom lip jutted out slightly, and her shoulders were slouched. “Thank you though.”

The man could feel the mobsters tearing him up with their eyes. Finally it was Tommy who spoke up. “Here, love. You can have my ice cream. I know it’s your favourite flavour.” Seeing as Y/N wanted to be just like Tommy in every way, it didn’t surprise anyone that they shared the same love for a certain flavoured ice cream.

“But it’s yours, Tommy.”

“I wasn’t hungry anyways.” He placed it in her hand, making sure she had wrapped her hand around it before letting go. “Let’s go home now.”

“Okay, Tommy! Thank you.”

No one dared breath until the gang was out of the shop. However it was made clear in those short moments of two things. One, little Y/N Shelby was one of the most polite and kind kid of her age group. And two, she was also one of the most protected kid in all of England. The hold she has on the two of the most feared gang in England made her a force to be reckoned with.

[icefire149]

Certain parts of season 14 and 15 just rub me the wrong way. Everything about the shift when Mary dies again to set up conflict between Dean and Cas just doesn’t hit right. So here’s a new way I’d do it:

Jack still accidentally murders Mary, but after zipping around the Earth in a panic, he goes to Castiel. He has no fear that he’ll lose Cas over this. It’s Sam and Dean that he’s worried about. Especially Dean since he was horrible when he was born. Dean only more recently seemed like he really cared about him. He can’t mess this up. Jack brings Cas back to the house and explains what happened. 

We know Cas is a strategist and his mind would be in overdrive, because of course the Winchesters weren’t going to be okay with any of this. Hell, he’s barely keeping it together. Mary was his friend. But, Jack is his child and responsibility. And he loves him too much to let him suffer. So he devises a plan: Nick was trying to summon Lucifer from the Empty. He was succeeding. Jack and Mary were trying to stop him and Lucifer obliterated Mary. Jack wasn’t quick enough but he was able to send Lucifer back into the Empty and in a rage killed Nick. Now Jack is panicking because it’s still his fault, but not his fault. It’s Nick and Lucifer’s. And Jack while being mostly soulless is still a bit hesitant to weave such a lie to their family, but he agrees. Cas reassures him that the Winchesters will be devastated, but they’ll understand better this way. As a family, all of them will be able to grieve and move on eventually. Because: Nick shouldn’t have done what he did. It was high tension and everyone was upset, and it was inevitable an accident happened. It was just a terrible accident. 

Distraught, Jack asks if there’s anything they can do to fix things? If they can bring Mary back? If they had a body....maybe. This leads Jack to want to see Rowena to see if she could just bring Mary back. They decide to try, but stick to the story. Cas gets zapped back to his truck and Jack goes to Rowena. So we have the similar situation where Jack in a panic tries to force Rowena to fix things and she tries, but also still tips off the Winchesters. Still the magic doesn’t work and Jack is scared. Sam and Dean get to the house and are a mess trying to make heads or tails of the mess. Automatically the blame is on Jack. They’ve been worried about his soul. He must have gone completely dark side. And we’ll note that Dean is the one crawling out of his skin pacing and ranting. Sam is more withdrawn. Jack flies into Cas’ truck when he’s almost there. Cas goes into the house first. He tells Jack to wait in the truck. Cas bars the doorway with his body while he tries to explain the ‘tale’ Jack told him in the car and how devastated he is over Mary and terrified of what they, Sam & Dean, will do next. 

Dean believes Cas. It’s Cas. His anger rolls into grief & tears. His mom died. How did he get here where he has to bury her again. Cas comforts Dean with soft touch and words. He’s sorry. He’s so sorry. Cas gives into his own grief a bit. It’s Sam that continues to stand there in quiet rage. It’s like his whole lifetime of trauma is torn open again. And now there’s this new angry wound that’s only festered since Amara brought Mary back. Yes, he should be grateful that he’s gotten to know her at all, but.....it was never right. She never stayed long enough to really know him. Emotionally her bond with Dean was always stronger. He was always just a fly on the wall. She was his mom too. And now...even Cas is crying more than him. When the hell was she ever anything to him? Sam’s anger spirals, but he’s trying to keep it down. He keeps going over the house there. Something about everything isn’t sitting right with him. There’s something off. He knows it. 

So with the funeral and going home to the bunker, things feel flipped. Jack and Cas were most worried about Dean, but it’s Sam they should be worried about. Dean is angry and upset, but he’s not blaming Jack. He’s actually trying to be there for Jack. This development has Cas over the moon, because this is all he ever wanted. For them to be a family. While Dean fell into the cycle of his father’s anger when Cas died s12/13....this time he’s being what he/John should have been. And Sam is the one sinking into John’s cycle of anger. Sam’s the one drinking a bit more. He’s quiet, but there’s an anger that’s clearly there. He’s distancing himself from Jack and Cas. Eventually he blows up and admits that he blames Jack and his soullessness. For all they know he hurt her / let her get hurt purposely. Which gets Cas angry and Sam flat out admits that he doesn’t trust Cas’ word. Something feels off to him, and this isn’t the first time Cas has tried to go behind their backs. He has quite the history of it. 

This causes Sam, Dean, and Cas to go at it yelling. Jack overhears some and blames himself for ruining everything again. He’s been nothing but trouble for their family. Maybe it would be better if he just left. So he does. This ties us back to Jack being manipulated by Heaven. Dean and Cas are out trying to find him. All ties back in to Jack goes home and finds Sam alone in the bunker. And it’s easy to fall back into the trust Jack has always had with Sam. He’s always had Jack’s back. And he manipulates Jack, telling him that they’ve worked out a spell to bring Mary back. They altered the malak box spell work to harness and focus Jack’s powers. It should be enough. Dean and Cas will be back any minute with Rowena. Jack eagerly believes him and does as he’s told. Jack gets in the box and he stares up at Sam nervous. Sam tells him that there’s nothing to worry about anymore. Cas told them everything. They can fix things now. And Jack looks at him confused, everything? Sam presses that yes, Cas explained how it was an accident. Jack breathes a sigh of relief and then crumbles into tears, how he didn’t mean to. He asked her to stop, but she wouldn’t give him a moment to breathe and then..it was an accident. He didn’t mean to hurt her. And cold as ice Sam goes, I know, and closes the lid. Locking the box. 

It’s a while before Dean and Cas make it back. Jack has enough time to completely unravel in his grief, and anger, and realization that Sam lied and tricked him. Everyone keeps manipulating him and lying. Dean and Cas get back and start arguing with Sam. Just like in the show, Jack breaks out and leaves. Sam still goes into it explaining the truth he got from Jack. Cas LIED. He covered up Mary’s death. He’s known the truth all along. Dean refuses to believe Sam. He’s mistaken. 

Things roll into Moriah and Jack makes it so no one can lie. And because of that the truth finally comes out of Cas’ mouth. And Dean breaks. He tells Cas that he’s dead to him. Cas leaves to look for Jack on his own. Dean’s fury goes in on Jack. He never should have gotten attached. Jack was always a monster. All of this rolls into Chuck’s return and manipulation. He pushes Dean to kill Jack. And the puzzle pieces click into place for Sam. He realizes how much this is all a game to Chuck. Chuck pulled the strings to make every bad thing that’s happened in his life happen just for his own entertainment: Mom, their childhood, dad’s shitty parenting, Jess, demon deals, demon blood, Dean going to Hell, Ruby, the apocalypse, visions, unanswered prayers, EVERYTHING..... Chuck’s newest episode of entertainment was causing Jack to accidentally kill Mary and have to live with the consequences of losing his only family over it. Sam’s anger goes directly into Chuck. 

He needs to get to Dean. Meanwhile Dean finds Cas and Jack in the cemetery. Cas gets between them and tries to talk Dean down. Dean is shaking with fury. He’s never been this mad before. He hated Jack for being born and getting Cas killed, and then he grew to love the kid as family, and he hates him for making him feel this much. He killed his mom, and lied about it. Cas tries to explain that he was trying to protect all of them. He was trying to maintain their family. Dean coldly goes, there’s no family here to maintain. I’m a hunter. Saving people and hunting monsters is the family business, and....I see two monsters in front of me. And he holds the equalizer up, shakily. Jack sends Cas flying so he can approach Dean. He understands what Dean has to do. He accepts it and he’s sorry. Jack gets on his knees and waits. Dean can’t quite do it. He’s trying.

Sam and Chuck get there. Sam starts yelling how Chuck set this whole thing up. Chuck is trying to make Dean do this...for his own entertainment. And everything rolls back into what the actual show did. Dean can’t kill Jack and Sam shoots Chuck. Everything continues to roll similarly as s15 did, but the divorce arc is leaning heavily on Dean is angry about Cas betraying him. 

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi Steph! reading your blog has become a sort of guilty pleasure for me. Thanks for everything, it’s so clear that you put a lot of time and energy into your content. I was wondering if you have any johnlock fics that feature a particularly well-written or memorable original character? I always love to see how authors integrate their own character creations into johnlock stories!

Hey Nonny!

Ahhhh!! This is a GREAT request, because I like well-written OC’s in fics, so yeah, this is a great list to make. Here’s what I recall from my bookmarks. Please add your own faves, friends!

MEMORABLE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS

Ex by Itsallfine (T, 1,248 w., 1 Ch. || Angsty Fluff, Love Confessions, Coming Out, Exes, First Kiss, Fake Relationship, Getting Outed) – One night, in the midst of their post-case high and on the cusp of something more, John and Sherlock run into John’s ex. His ex-boyfriend.

The Prize We Sought Is Won by deathfrisbees (E, 4,610 w., 1 Ch. || First Time, Mild D/S, Oral, Military Kink, Bottomlock) – Sherlock's in love, or in lust, or both--unfortunately, the object of his affections is not only his completely oblivious flatmate, but said flatmate would probably run screaming into the hills should he find out. John's been invited to a wedding--unfortunately, the groom used to serve under him back in Afghanistan, and requests that John wear a uniform he's honestly not sure he fits into. Unfortunately for both flatmates, Sherlock's got a military kink the size of Kandahar and John wants to know if he actually can fit into this uniform or if his eyes are deceiving him. It goes from there.

Time on my hands by Mildredandbobbin (M, 7,179 w., 1 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-S3, One Night Stands, Mutual Pining, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Sexual Exploration / Discovery, Desperation, Body Worship) – Virginity’s a construct, a concept—what does losing one’s virginity entail for a gay man anyway? Sherlock wants to fill that particular gap in his knowledge but John won’t, can’t, never will assist and there’s only so much desperately unspoken pining even Sherlock can take.

High and Tight, Soft and Loose by cwb (E, 7,429 w., 1 Ch. || Jealous John, Miscommunications / Misunderstandings, First Kiss / Time, BAMF John, Insecure Sherlock, Clueless Sherlock, POV John, Embarrassed John, Adorable Sherlock, Junk Size, UST / RST) – John pressed the knuckle of his index finger against his mouth and sighed. “So, you're coiled like a spring and ready to be ... sprung?” “If you want to be pedestrian about it, yes.” “Like I said, you should do something about that.” “And like I said, pedestrian. What would you have me do? Take up jogging? Yoga? Oh! Unless you mean –” “I don't mean anything. Let’s drop it.”

Matters of National Security by mistyzeo (E, 8,465 w., 1 Ch. || BAMF John, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Dating, Bisexuality, Arguing, Stupidity, Teasing, First Kiss/Time, Hand Jobs, Frottage, RST, Idiots in Love) – John starts dating a male client of Sherlock's, and Sherlock can't figure out why he's so incensed about it.

High Tide by stardust_made (T, 8,540 w., 1 Ch. || Jealousy, Angst, First Kiss) – A little favour Sherlock stupidly agrees to do for Mycroft leads to John meeting a handsome, affluent man, who is going out of his way to woo him. Sherlock struggles with the situation and with his own reactions to it. Part 1 of The High Tide Series

Iris by slashscribe (E, 11,948 w., 1 Ch. || Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Post-S3) – Sherlock does his best to make John happy when John comes back to 221B with his new baby after the events of Season 3, but Sherlock has a track record of getting things wrong in this area. This story is an exploration of their gradual shift from friends to lovers, told from Sherlock's perspective, full of a lot of pining and lack of emotional awareness.

A Brand of Gold by aquabelacqua (M, 12,757 w., 1 Ch. || Mutual Pining, POV John, Phone Sex, Texting, Masturbation, Long Distance, Drunk Texting) – What am I doing? he wondered. The answer came back at once: Flirting. He let the vital, missing piece snap into place as surely and as cleanly as if it had always been there. He was flirting with Sherlock Holmes.

Twelfth Night by yourdykeinshiningarmor (E, 15,139 w., 5 Ch. || Fake Relationship, Christmas, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Angst & Fluff, BJ’s, Anal) – John is invited to his aunt's Twelfth Night ball. Sherlock offers to attend with him as a friendly face among strangers, but John's family force him to address his true feelings for Sherlock.

Vessel by Rhuia (E, 15,695 w., 1 Ch. || Cancer, Medfic) – That was the surprising bit – the way his doctor said it, eyes shining with sympathy but breathing it out, shifting it off her shoulders and thrusting it onto his, making him take it like an unwanted gift.

A Life Well-Lived by Kate_Lear (E, 20,121 w., 1 Ch. || Original Male Character, Sherlock Woos John, Jealous Sherlock, Reluctant Bi-John, Past Abuse, Insecure John, Reassuring / Caring Sherlock, Protective Sherlock, Understanding Sherlock) – John got scared off men by an abusive past relationship. Sherlock has to try and woo him while not scaring him off with protective possessive rage.

Winter's Delights by Kate_Lear (E, 21,173 w., 1 Ch. || Holmes Family, Christmas, Fake Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Bed Sharing, Domestics) – Sherlock takes John home for Christmas to meet the extended Holmes family. Part 1 of Winter's Delights

A Shipless Ocean by myswordfishmind (M, 22,135 w., 4 Ch. || Post-TRF, John has a Kid, Angst, Reunion, Falling in Love, Open Ending) – Ten years after the fall Sherlock goes back to London to find that John no longer lives there. Instead, he resides in a seaside town, a widower, and the father of a seven year old son. Now, Sherlock must struggle with the fact that there may no longer be a place for him in this new world.

Maintaining A Personal Life by Gingerhermit (E, 24,284 w., 6 Ch. || Alternating POV’s, Bisexuality, BAMF!John, Jealous Sherlock, Romance / Drama, Sort-of Case Fic, Peril & Angst, Love Confessions, Toplock, Soft Idiots in Love, Post S3) – Sherlock and John discover some interesting revelations about each other’s sexuality, which lead them both to question the assumptions they've made about one another for years. In the midst of their mutual discoveries, a dangerous psychopath looms on the side-lines who threatens to destroy their new beginning.

26 Pieces by Lanning (E, 28,236 w., 1 Ch. || H/C, Torture, First Time, Happy Ending, Schmoop, Past Abuse) – Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn't simple.

Where Else Would I Be? by cwb (E, 34,910 w., 10 Ch. || Retirementlock, Domestic Fluff, Falling in Love, Parentlock, Fluff and Smut, Reminiscing) – John and Sherlock's five-year-old granddaughter spends the weekend with them in Sussex. Sherlock happily indulges her whims, and John takes care of them while quietly revisiting the past thirty years of their lives together.

Classified(s) by blueink3 (E, 36,153 w., 4 Ch. || Wedding Date AU || Fake Relationship, Jealous, PIning, H/C, Idiots in Love, Happy Ending, Mary is not Nice, Escort Service) – Clara's American father is the ambassador to some such territory that Great Britain probably used to own, but she (and Harry’s undying love for her) is the reason John is getting on a flight at 12:30pm, flying across the second largest ocean in the world, and pretending to be in a perfectly happy, healthy relationship with an undoubtedly perfectly coiffed stranger. See, Clara is not only American (and wealthy to boot), she's also best friends with John’s ex-fiancée. Whom she's placed in the wedding party. As Maid of Honor. And John just happens to be Best Man. Bloody brilliant.

Nothing to Make a Song About by emmagrant01 (E, 36,833 w., 10 Ch. || Post-TRF, First Time, Reunion, Jealous John, Pining Sherlock, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, Sherlock Has a Boyfriend) – When Sherlock returned from his faked death, John could not forgive him for the deception and broke off their friendship. Ten years later, John returns to London in search of yet another new beginning. Sherlock, not surprisingly, is waiting.

Set in Stone by SilentAuror (E, 39,309 w., 1 Ch. || Romance, Wedding, Therapy, Fluff and Angst) – Sherlock and John are back from Ravine Valley and planning their wedding. However, as they move past the trial of the human traffickers, Sherlock can't help but wonder if he's imagining that John is becoming a little distant. Surely he isn't getting cold feet about the wedding... Part 2 of The Ravine Valley series

Only To Be With You by SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John (M, 40,768 w., 4 Ch. || Black Mirror / Future AU || Character Death, Future Technology, Sickness/Cancer/Illness, Heavy Angst with Happy Ending, First Person POV John, Pining John, Heart-Wrenching Angst, Promise of Forever) – I tell myself that next time I’ll come near this same place again. Wait around for the mysterious stranger in his coat to dash past me, hot on the heels of a new criminal in black. I think this all the way back to my Exit, planning where I’ll wait and what I’ll say when I see him. Scheming on how to get his name. It’s only once I reach the Exit Point door that I realize two hours and forty-five minutes have passed, and I realize that this won’t be the last time I Visit. It won’t be the last time at all.

Corpus Hominis by mycapeisplaid (E, 47,709 w., 12 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Case Fic, Fluff, Romance, Frottage, Angst, Anal, Blow Jobs, Rimming, Spas / Massages, Shampoo, Jealousy, Fake Relationship) - John knows the human body intimately. He’s had plenty of opportunity for study as a doctor, soldier, and lover. There’s one particular body, however, he knows very little about. When Sherlock launches himself head-first into a new obsession and they get sent on a case in an unlikely location, the pair discovers each other’s bodies with confusing yet delightful (and sometimes hilarious) results.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w., 26 Ch. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Albion and the Woodsman by Glenmore (NR [E], 54,437 w., 50 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post S3, Parentlock, Pining Sherlock, Angst, Family, Drug Use, Depression, Sherlock POV, Light Humour, Reconnecting, Declarations of Love) – Sherlock and John are devastated after Mary Morstan makes her final moves. Sherlock relapses at the crack house, John walks around the world … and a lot happens in between. Parentlock, in the good way.

Wars We Fought, Things We're Not by blueink3 (M, 55,204 w., 10 Ch. || Post S3 / Post TAB, Parentlock, Fluff & Angst, Kidnapping, Whump, Post-TAB, UST/URT, 3G, Mild Peril, Slow Burn, Couple for a Case, Protective Mycroft, Infant Death Pre-Story, Friends to Lovers) –  Five months after John's world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

The Great Sex Olympics of 221B by XistentialAngst (E, 58,611 w., 10 Ch. || First Time/Kiss, Experiments / Sexual Experimentations, Multi Pairings, Voyeurism) – John Watson thinks Sherlock Holmes should admit that he, Watson, is more of an expert on sex than Sherlock is. But Sherlock refuses to concede the point. He comes up with an experiment plan that will resolve the issue. The results will determine who wins the prize. But sometimes even the best thought-out scientific study has unexpected consequences.

Bridging the Ravine by SilentAuror (E, 58,887 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Couple For a Case, Bed-Sharing, First Times, Confessions, Awkwardness, Sex Trafficking, Massages, Wet T-Shirt Contest, Group Therapy, Past Loss of Child) – Sherlock and John go undercover at Ravine Valley, a therapy centre for same-sex male couples in an investigation into a possible human trafficking ring. As they pose as a couple and fake their way through the therapy sessions for the sake of the case, it quickly becomes difficult to avoid discussing their very real issues. Set roughly six nine months after series 4.

The Bells of King's College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w., 5 Ch. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It's only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths...

Summit Fever by J_Baillier (M, 78,802 w., 18 Ch. || Mountain Climber AU || POV John, Angst, Tragedy, Suicidal Ideation, The Himalayas, Mountain Guide / Doctor John, Mount Climber Sherlock, Loneliness, Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Injured Sherlock / Sherlock Whump, Pining John) – After graduating from medical school, John Watson followed his heart to the Himalayas. Ten years later, he's a haunted cynic working for his ex-lover's trekking and mountaineering company. Will leading an expedition to Annapurna I—the most lethal of all the world's highest mountains—shake John out of his reverie, and who is the mystery client added to the group at the last minute?

Secrets and Revelations by Hisstah (E, 83,535 w., 9 Ch. || Sentinel / Guides Omegaverse AU || Adventure, Violence, Anal / Oral, Omega!John / Alpha!Sherlock, Case Fic, Politics, Mild DubCon) – Dr John Watson has some major secrets that he's kept from his flatmate, Alpha Sentinel Sherlock Holmes. Now the Sentinel Tower is after him. Can John stay out of their hands until he can reveal his secrets to Sherlock? Part 1 of Secrets and Revelations

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Maintenance and Repair by patternofdefiance (E, 106,650 w., 71 Ch. || Future AU, Augmentation || Augmented John, Depression, Body Modification, Slow Burn, Worldbuilding, Sci-Fi, Self-Care, Body Dysmorphia) – John wants to explain the rush of sensation and data, which is just another form of sensation (or is it the other way around?). John wants to say: Augmentation circuits report temperature, pressure, various forms of quantitative input. Sudden changes are reported as pain, since sudden changes are dangerous, and pain is the quickest way to encourage reflexive extraction. But all John can manage is, “Nng.” Because this sudden touch is not reporting as pain. Part 2 of STATIC

The Burning Heart by May_Shepard (M, 119,150 w., 21 Ch. || Canon Divergence, Post-TRF, John’s Sexuality, S3 Rewrite, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, POV John Watson, John’s Gay) – When Sherlock dies, John Watson feels like his life is over too. He’s completely shut down, until Mark Morstan, a new nurse at John’s medical clinic, catches his attention, and helps him uncover the long buried truth of his attraction to men. Although he’s certain he’ll never get over Sherlock, John plans to move on, and build a new life with Mark, unaware that Sherlock is not quite as dead as he appears, and that Mark is hiding secrets of his own.

The Swan Triad Series by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Lake AU || Magical / Fairy Tale AU, Romance, Falling in Love, Pining, Psychological Torture, Transformation) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers' attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer.

Colors by Quesarasara (E, 140,537 w., 17 Ch. || Pleasantville-Inspired AU || Soulmates, Colour Bonds, Alternating POV, Angst, Fluff, Pining, Case Fic, Medical Procedures) – Everyone on earth is born with eyes that see in black, white, and an endless series of greys. When you meet your soulmate, you finally see the world in color. We're all searching for the person who brings color to our lives. John and Sherlock are no exception. Part 1 of The Colors 'Verse

The Adventure of the Silver Scars by tangledblue (NR [M], 142,458 w., 41 Ch. || S3 Fix-It, Post-HLV/ Post-TAB / Canon Compliant, Case Fic, No Baby, Angst, Humour, UST, Slow Burn, Angry John, Reconciliation, Not Nice Mary / Leaving Mary, Dependent Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Caretaker John, Fist Fights, It’s An Experiment, Virgin Sherlock, Dancing, Drugging, John Whump, Pet Names, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Scars) – It’s been thirteen months since Mary shot Sherlock and John finds he’s still pissed off about it. Sherlock had thought everything was settled: John and Mary, domestic bliss. But when John turns up at Baker Street with suitcases, the world’s only consulting detective might not be prepared for the consequences. A new case. Some old scores to settle. Certain danger. Concertos, waltzes, and whisky.

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton  (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending) – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own. (SC’s version of Sherrinford may as well be an OC; he’s well written and different from Canon)

Sketchy by serpentynka (E, 184,053 w., 83 Ch. || Post-TRF, Post-Mary, John Whump, Slow Burn Love Story, Case Fic, Art, Porn With Feelings, Switchlock, Travelling, Career Change, Family Secrets, Illness / Health) – What (and who) will be left when nobody cares about your Work? A slow-burn fic with cases, places, mistaken identities, unfair choices, essential changes, violent feels, blatant lies, fearless portraiture, family secrets, high-risk bespoke gifts, durable friendships, bedtime stories, foreign travel and tongues, sickness (and health), and the significance of things which are slow to unfurl -- but cannot be ignored. Oh, and...porn. Part 1: Sherlock takes on an obvious case (barely a 4) and meets someone who will force him to re-examine what it means to see. Part 1 of Sketchy

The Gilded Cage by BeautifulFiction (E, 326,887 w., 31 Ch. || Omegaverse || Omega Sherlock / Alpha John, Friends to Lovers, Dub Con, Reproductive Rights) – In a world where Omegas are the property of the elite Alphas, locked away and treasured by those wealthy enough to buy them, John never questioned his flatmate's secondary gender. Sherlock Holmes was an Alpha through-and through. Wasn't he? A chance discovery turns the world on its head, and John is left grappling to come to terms with Sherlock's past as events conspire to threaten their future.

[iamthenightcolormeblack]

Impressions of Wilde (1997)

I really liked this movie and I'm sure you will too! It's a great introduction to Oscar Wilde (who he was, a glimpse into his personal life, and why he remains relevant and incredibly charming) and also a celebration of homosexuality.

1. Overview:

The movie doesn’t tell the whole story of Oscar Wilde's life. It covers the 1880s, his rise to fame and sudden fall, and ends shortly after his 1897 prison release. Some Oscar Wilde fans were disappointed because they wanted to see the early parts of his life (how he got his inspiration and crafted his aesthete persona).

The costumes and sets are absolutely gorgeous and transport you back to the late Victorian era; lots of deep red fabric curtains, detailed mahogany wood furnishings, intricate paintings, and lavish costumes.

The lead actors are amazing and they resemble the real people almost exactly.

2. Casting:

Stephen Fry as Oscar Wilde. One could say he IS Oscar Wilde reincarnated; he looks almost exactly like Wilde. Most importantly he perfectly combines Wilde's charm and intelligence. The film also tries to show Wilde as a father and married man in addition to the "gay fop" identity that he's usually placed in. As much as he mocks society, he's kind and loving (still cares about Bosie even though it's obvious at times that Bosie doesn't deserve his kindness).

Jude Law as Lord Alfred "Bosie" Douglas, Wilde's lover. I must say that Bosie definitely reminds me of Dorian Gray because he's blond, beautiful, and selfish. He throws lots of temper tantrums and reminds me of a teenage boy trying in vain to rebel against his father, the Marquess of Queensbury (Wilde's enemy who plays a big part in his downfall). He does seem to care for/love Wilde, but is still selfish in that his first concern is himself.

Jennifer Ehle as Constance Wilde. You may know her as Elizabeth Bennet from the 1995 BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. Film Constance is quite intelligent and unconditionally supportive of Oscar Wilde.

3. Scene Recaps:

The film begins quite unusually in the Wild West (no greater contrast between the gritty Colorado mining town and the elegant parlors of London). Wilde makes his entrance in a fancy fur coat, dressed to kill. He successfully entertains the miners with a story about an artist.

Back to London; Wilde was in Colorado on his North American lecture tour. At a party he meets Constance and marries her "because all artists need an audience." Quite an interesting quote because there's this general conception that artists are isolated people who need to get away from society to produce their best works, when in actuality they need others to appreciate their works. Constance is a good match for Wilde because she's intelligent and constantly (coincides with the name) supports him even though he cheats on her with his gay buddies.

We are then treated to a lovely scene where he walks through a crowd of lawyers (marking him as a nonconformist).

Robbie Ross, one of Wilde's best friends, introduces him to gay sex.

“Dinner with lord and lady Asquith” = code language for a fling.

Then he meets John Gray, a handsome bohemian played by Ioan Gruffud, a pretty guy with long hair, and has another fling with him. Gray brings up the idea of art as a means of capturing the soul (inspiration for The Picture of Dorian Gray, which brings scandal to the Wilde family).

Oscar Wilde has 2 boys with Constance. He loves his family and cares about the wife but he’s always away in London working on his plays/stories or having flings with his gay buddies.

I really liked how the film used Oscar Wilde's children's story The Selfish Giant as a metaphor for his relationship with his family. His success isolates him from his family; he's often away and doesn't visit often, much like the giant hides behind a wall.

He meets Bosie at the premiere of the play Lady Windermere’s Fan (not historically accurate). Bosie says something smart to flatter Wilde, summing up what Wilde did in his work: using wit to mock and amuse people simultaneously.

Bosie is a beautiful, selfish rich boy and wants Wilde for his own entertainment. He has some affection for OW but loves himself first; Wilde's friends and Robbie Ross are concerned for him. Wilde and Bosie have a passionate, open relationship. At times Bosie has sex with other men while Wilde watches.

They dine together without a concern for others’ opinion (another of my favorite scenes from the movie).

Wilde genuinely loves Bosie and sees him as the victim of bad parenting (what a pity, since it's unclear at times whether Bosie loves Wilde).

Eventually because of his relationship with Bosie, Wilde makes a powerful enemy in Bosie's father, the Marquess of Queensbury. Queensbury attempts to insult Wilde several times before sending him a card accusing Wilde of being a sodomite. Wilde sues for libel and that precipitates his downfall, as all the details of his personal life are revealed.

In the trial, Wilde tries to explain "the love that has no name" and is convicted. Then follows a heartbreaking scene where he tries to maintain his composure while being haggled and booed at by spectators, while his friends can only watch in silence.

Bosie swears to Wilde that he loves him, but while Wilde languishes in jail, he complains that the imprisonment affects him most as he's suffering (what a selfish person).

I have ambivalent feelings about the “happy” ending where Oscar Wilde is reunited with Bosie. As much as I like happy endings in LGBTQ+ movies (because that doesn't often happen), Bosie clearly isn't a very good person and maybe would have been bored with Wilde and left him.

4. Some things not included in the movie:

The film doesn't include the fact that Oscar Wilde slept with teenage boys and male prostitutes. The flings seemed to be consensual but some of the sexual partners were underage.

Constance is advised to change her last name to save her social reputation, but the film doesn't show that she actually did (changed it to Holland).

The last part of the film (the trial to the ending) merely serves to remind us that Wilde was courageous for being a nonconformist in a stifling society. They don't really show what happens to Wilde after his imprisonment with the exception of the reunion with Bosie.

Conclusion:

Definitely watch this movie if you haven't already; it's an excellent introduction to Oscar Wilde, or if you're a Wilde fan, it will be great entertainment.

I was going to write some more intelligent things about this movie but I just started college and I didn't get around to finishing this little post until a few weeks after I watched the movie (so I've forgotten some stuff in it/my other thoughts about it).

[bumblesimagines]

Green Thumb

Part 4

Request: Yes or No

TW: Drug mention, needle mention, overdose mention

I'm still unsure on the twins ages in age of ultron since one source says 16 and the other says 26 lmao. Imma just say the twins are 17 or 18.

~

You stared down at the city below with a frown. You knew Clint wouldn't rest until Natasha was found. Everything had happened so quickly and even if you had tried to catch her with a root, you would've been pulled along. A sigh left you as you sat down at your desk. Your room in the tower felt like a cell. Gray walls, white bed, white desk. The only real color in the room came from the line of potted flowers on the desk. You felt your stomach grumble, standing up and leaving the room. You headed to the kitchen, getting a granola bar. You opened it, taking a bite from it. You almost choked, hearing crashing and arguing. You swallowed the bits of granola as you followed the noises to the laboratory. You headed up the stairs, dodging a flying Steve.

"What the fuck?" You turned your head, seeing the Maximoff twins. "What the fuck?" You repeated, watching them in bewilderment. Another one left you when Thor crashed through a window, raising his hammer and letting the electricity power the cradle. Nothing happened for a moment before the cradle burst open, causing Thor to fly back.

"I should've stayed with Laura." You whispered, staring at the red man that emerged from the cradle. He slowly stood, looking between everyone. His gaze settled on Thor, lunging for him but Thor grabbed him and threw him to the side, causing another crash.

"(Y/N), stay close." Clint called, eyeing the twins. You quickly walked over to him, hearing the crunching of glass beneth your shoes. While Thor and Steve took the dramatic way, you chose to use the door and head to the room Vision was in. Thor raised his hand, stopping Steve from attacked. The man stared out into the city, staying silent and motionless. Thor set down his hammer as the man landed on the door, apologizing to Thor and mimicking his cape.

"Thor, you helped create this?"

"I've had a vision. A whirlpool that sucks in all forms of life and at its center is that." Thor explained, pointing at the crystal in the mans forehead.

"What, the gem?" Bruce asked, watching Thor look at him.

"The mind stone." He corrected. "It's one of the six infinity stones. The greatest power in the universe with destructive abilities." Thor explained as he faced everyone.

"It looks like a citrine." You muttered, continuing to unwrap the rest of your granola bar, swiping away the crumbs that fell on the floor with your foot.

"A what?" Clint asked softly. You glanced at him.

"It's a type of gemstone. It's supposed to motivate you to take action." You shrugged lightly. Gemstones were pretty interesting to study, even more so when they had so called 'destructive abilities.'

"Stark's right."

"Oh, it's definitely the end." Bruce said quietly.

"Why does your vision sound like J.A.R.V.I.S?" Steve asked as he watched the man walk forward. Tony explained why, still in awe and surprise. The man looked at Steve.

"You think I'm a child of Ultron?" Though it sounded like a question, it was obvious it was a statement.

"You're not?"

"I'm not Ultron." The man replied softly, almost confused. "And.. I'm not J.A.R.V.I.S either."

"I looked in your head and saw annihilation." Wanda said, stepping forward as she glared at him. Clint scoffed softly, walking towards everyone. You followed, tossing the wrapper into the trashcan.

"Look again."

"Your approval seems jack to me." Clint said, gaze staying locked on the twins. Wanda's gaze went to Clint before going to you. You maintained brief eye contact. It wasn't everyday you met another meta.

"Her powers, the horrors in our heads, Ultrons powers.. They all came from the mind stone. Nothing compares to what it can unleash." Thor revealed. "And with it on our side-"

"Is it?" Steve interrupted, looking at the man again.

"Are you? On our side?"

"I don't think it's that simple." He replied softly.

"Sounds pretty simple. Death or life for humanity." You said, shrugging. He looked at you, giving a small nod before looking at the others.

"Then.. I'm on the side of life. Ultron isn't." He took small steps forward, not wanting to agitate anyone.

"What's he waiting for?"

"You." The man stared at Tony. You were already coming up with names for him. Tony Jr was the one sticking.

"Sokavia's our best bet." Tony said.

"Nat's there too." Clint told them, looking at Bruce when he approached the man.

"If we're wrong about you..." Bruce started softly. His threats were always amusing until he turned green. He stared at Tony Jr, letting it up to his imagination, if he had that.

"I don't want to kill Ultron." Tony Jr walked around Bruce, continuing past everyone.

"He's weak.. And in pain but that pain will roll over the Earth, so he must be destroyed. Every forms he's built, every sense of his presence on the net. We have to act now and not one of us can do it without the other." Tony Jr turned, facing them. He looked down at his hands.

"Maybe I am a monster. I don't know if I will become one.. I'm not what you are. I'm not what you intended. So there may be no way for you to trust me but we need to go." Tony Jr finished his speech, picking up Thors hammer and handing it to him. The room stayed silent as everyone took it in. Thor took his hammer, clearing his throat and nodding.

"Alright." He gave a small smile, walking away. You sighed, turning around and walking towards the bar.

"Don't even think about it." Clint called as he walked past you. You huffed, watching him go.

"Seriously?" You rolled your eyes, looking over your shoulder at the twins. They walked away in amusement, following Steve's directions to the lockers. You walked to your room, putting on the outfit Clint had designed for you. You looked at a picture of you and Clint, smiling softly. You left the room, walking down the hall. You noticed Thor and Tony Jr talking outside, arms crossing as you approached the glass. You stared at the two, gaze locking onto the reflection of the twins. You turned to face them, seeing Wanda pause and stay in her spot.

"Sorry about choking you." You spoke first, looking between them. Wanda gave a small nod, hand gently gripping her arm.

"Did you get experimented on like us?" Pietro asked, head tilting. Some white strands fell over his face. You shook your head, biting your bottom lip as you thought on how to explain it.

"From what Bruce told me, my mother had drugs in her system during labor. It was an unknown drug that they still haven't identified but Bruce says that it might've given me some freak cell mutation that gave me these powerd. It's weird. Clint said it took a long time to even find any information on my family. I don't know if it's true or something that they told me to make me feel better about being orphaned." The twins gaze softened, glancing at each other. Wanda licked her lips, glancing at the ground.

"When were you orphaned?" She asked softly.

"When I was a baby. My mom died in labor and my dad had been found dead with a needle in his arm a day later. I was put into an orphanage cause my parents were seen as a Jane Doe and John Doe. Again, it's weird." You told them, shrugging lightly. Pietro took in a soft breath, gaze becoming distant.

"We're orphans too. I'm sure you already know what happened by now but.. A bomb killed them." Pietro said softly. He took in a deeper breath, giving a small smile to lighten the mood.

"I suppose that's another thing we have in common." He pointed out with a small shrug. You nodded, smiling softly. It was nice to be around people your age who understood you. Even Wanda seemed relaxed and more comfortable.

"(Y/N), what'd I say?" You looked up upon hearing Clint's voice.

"You were the one who left me alone to change." You reminded him with a soft huff, going around the twins and approaching him. Clint shot you a pointed look, glancing at the twins. You understood why he was distrustful of them.

"Clint, they're like me." You said quietly as you walked with him to the aircraft.

"You're not like them."

"Yes, I am. They're metas and around my age. Weren't you the one who said I had to work on my people skills?" You cocked a brow as you stared at him. Clint stayed silent, giving you the answer.

"They were fighting for their country after it was attacked. They have all the right to be distrustful-"

"After one conversation, you can tell apart the difference between good guys and bad guys?"

"I don't know, Clint, you tell me. You were the one who chose to take in a kid who almost choked your best friend to death and attempted to impale Americas biggest playboy with a fucking branch." You hissed lowly, frowning and looking forward.

"You were, and still are, a kid." Clint said, voice becoming hard and stricter.

"Oh, well, fuck me, I didn't realize the twins were in their eighties."

"Quit giving me attitude, (Y/N). I want to protect you. You don't know if they're gonna stab us in the back when we least expect it. If we destroy Ultron and they stay on our side, you can play dolls with them." Clint said, approaching the aircraft.

"Whatever." You entered the aircraft, taking a seat. The others entered not long after. The twins sat down beside you as Clint headed to the front.

"We didn't get you in trouble, did we?" Wanda asked quietly, glancing over at Clint. You shook your head, toying with the roots in order to relax.

"No, just.. Strict dad drama." You muttered. Wanda tilted her head, making eye contact with Pietro before it clicked.

"Oh.. He adopted you? That's nice." Wanda gave a small smile. "Maybe the Avengers aren't so heartless."

"We aren't." You assured, looking between her and Pietro. "It'll take a while but.. We can all grow to trust each other."

"I hope so." Pietro breathed out, hands going to the belt as the aircraft lifted up. You chuckled at the nervous look on his face.

[doortotomorrow]

Mirrors and Cautionary Tales : John Murphy’s Journey to Redemption

When it comes to John Murphy, plenty of people have wondered why he spent a significant portion of his screen time interacting with the seasonal villains, and I think I’ve come up with a reason why this feels like such a steady trend in his overall story arc. It all comes down to how these villains represented Murphy’s internal struggles with himself as he grew and matured into the man we now know him as today. 

Let’s take this back to the very first season of The 100 where we first encounter Murphy as he touches down onto Earth and the kind of person he was back then. As beloved a character as he is now, I can’t mince words or sugarcoat things. He was the villain for the delinquents in the first season. So, what kind of villain was he?

He wanted power and authority by any means necessary - ( “Well, I think the princess is dead... but I know the king's about to die, so who's really gonna lead these people, huh? Me, that's who, and, yeah, maybe I'll have to kill your grounder-pounding little sister.” - We are Grounders I )

He was downright wrathful - ( his willingness to kill Jasper, holding someone over a fire, ganging up on Wells to remove his bracelet, almost killing Raven )

He was selfish and all about his own self preservation- ( making everyone else do the work around the delinquent camp while Bellamy is gone, wasting resources to blow a hole in the drop ship to make his getaway )

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With those things out of the way, let’s jot down all the villains Murphy interacted with.

Charles Pike

Ontari kom Azgeda

Paxton McCreary

Josephine Lightbourne 

Sheidheda

We’ll start with John Murphy’s origin point and his experience under his abusive Earth skills teacher, Charles Pike. While Murphy was largely absent from witnessing much of what Pike did to become Chancellor of Arkadia, he did see the end result of how that worked out for him. Desperate, in a jail cell, and then later on, stabbed to death in an act of revenge for the horrific things he did while in a position of power he practically stole. 

On the Grounder side, he had the unfortunate luck of being trapped in Polis with Ontari kom Azgeda. Initially, he went along with the whole false Commander thing, masquerading as her Fleimkepa and even gave her advice on how to maintain her power...but then he started becoming unnerved by her violent paranoia, ultimately getting traumatized by her when she viciously abused him.

Murphy’s front row seat to watching two people’s quests for power and authority left him with this valuable lesson : being power hungry will turn you in a paranoid, unhinged person with a list of enemies a mile long. You will never, ever have a moment’s peace. You will always be looking over your shoulder wondering if this is the day you get a knife in the back.

After the third season, Murphy’s desire for power and authority completely disappears. It’s not something he’s interested in anymore because he’s been shown that it’s simply not worth it. 

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Enter season five and its main villain : Paxton McCreary. What does McCreary like to do for fun? Start riots, blow things up, fire off big guns, and getting high off of combat. Oh, and he’s always, always emotionally detached and angry. His default setting is rage. It’s sounding kind of familiar, isn’t it? 

The fifth season is where Murphy’s at his most chaotic and destructive(both internally and externally). He’s blowing things up, playing with huge guns, causing riots, jumping into any battle he can for the adrenaline rush, pushing everyone away, breaking up with Emori until finally, it all comes crashing down on him. All of this chaotic behavior leads to him getting shot in the Rover, nearly losing his life in the process.

On the other side of the war, McCreary’s wrath caused untold levels of destruction. It was McCreary’s need for destruction that lead to Earth being completely fried, it was McCreary’s wrath that resulted in the loss of Monty and Harper, taking away two members of Murphy’s family from him. 

All of this unquantifiable destruction and death was a giant wake up call for Murphy. McCreary leaves him with this lesson: if you let rage and chaos possess you, you will end up losing everything. 

That’s why, when the sixth season rolls around, Murphy’s lust for battle was greatly diminished. 

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Speaking of the sixth season, it’s time to revisit Sanctum and get ourselves reacquainted with Josephine Lightbourne. 

When Murphy arrived in Sanctum, his heart was heavy, clearly in a state of mourning over those he lost when he woke up and realized Monty and Harper were gone. Not only that, but yet again, he had suffered another traumatic near death experience during Sanctum’s Red Sun event. His first day out of his long hibernation was hardly fun at all, experiencing nightmares about going to hell when he fell into a coma and waking up screaming over what he saw.

So, in a moment of vulnerability and wanting to avoid going to hell, Murphy became more and more tempted with the concept of the Prime’s method of immortality. The ultimate survivor’s move : not dying at all. It’s at this point where he met Josie and saw first hand what living forever does to a person. At first, he made a deal with her to get his hands on some empty mind drives(getting Emori in on the deal as well), but the longer he lingered in her company, the more immortality started losing its luster. When it was revealed Clarke was still alive, Murphy joined the others in helping to get Josie out of her head.

Immortality had turned Josie into a sociopathic monster, utterly incapable of respecting other people’s feelings and wishes, only focusing on her own wants and needs for the sake of preserving herself. This wasn’t who Murphy wanted/needed to be anymore, having fallen in love with Emori, and creating a family alongside her which Murphy valued too much to lose. After all, what was the point of living forever if he lost his family?

That’s why, when the mind drives come up again in the seventh season, they’re now a symbol of finite time in Murphy’s story. Just a few more hours with the woman he loved as humanity itself faced its final hours.

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With all of these cautionary tales Murphy’s seen play out throughout the seasons, avoiding all of those pitfalls the previous villains fell in, we’re introduced to his perfect foil : Sheidheda, the dark commander. 

Sheidheda was everything Murphy could have become if he never went on his journey of redemption, falling in love, and finding a family to fight for. Sheidheda craved power and desired nothing more than to see everyone kneeling at his feet. Through the Flame, he had lived forever, waiting for his moment of opportunity to arrive where he could rise again. If something got in his way, he’d burn it all down, creating chaos and bloodshed in his wake. He’s all of the previous villains combined into one package.

We were in desperate need of a hero...and we got one.

When Murphy and Sheidheda had their first confrontation, Murphy was deep into hero mode. He helped Emori calm down a rioting crowd, saved Sanctum from a nuclear meltdown, and rescued a group of frightened children. He kept on saying he was tired of playing the hero, but let’s be honest here, he wore the title well. Sheidheda was flawlessly utilized to showcase how far Murphy had come as a character, becoming a man we know his father would be proud of. 

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There you have it! My long, long winded way of breaking down why Murphy spent so much time interacting with the villains. It was their way of marking down each stage of Murphy’s overall arc. It was very much intentional. 

[straighttma]

So if we're gonna really het up tma to the worst degree we gotta change some fundamentals.

1. Melanie is not an avatar of the slaughter anymore. She's an avatar of the desolation now because in het media, woman who can physically destroy you = evil and bad. So, to keep her a hero but still able to have her anger infantilized and made the butt of a joke, she now has desolation fire powers because women always get relegated to mental abilities unless they're an NLOG or a hot villain lady. As Melanie will be seen as a "raging feminist" trope, but not an NLOG, she's also going to get powers of destruction to illustrate that "feminism has come too far" as well as so the men can be like, "Jeez, sweetheart, don't get so heated," *canned laughtrack*

2. Jo(H)n is an avatar of the hunt. In het media the eye would be too wimpy, it's the nerd that gets shoved in the lockers by the other entities. And since protagonists in these sort of bad media need to be mega jocks, what's the most jock entity? The flesh, but here the flesh becomes a ham-fisted allegory for fat people, so the next most jock while still maintaining the pretense of investigative work, is the hunt. Also when Elias says that they're all bound to the eye now, JoHn is the one to find the solution but only has to gouge out one eye to sever his connection so that he gets to wear a badass eye patch like solid snake. 

3. Martin is an avatar of the flesh. As I said before, the flesh is now a hamfisted allegory for fat people, so obviously that's the only entity they can be associated with because that's the only personality trait fat characters can have in het media. However, I could also see the corruption in this hell form TMA takes as Jane Prentiss and him enter a very unhealthy relationship that's played like George Costanza's engagement in Seinfeld only ending when Prentiss is struck down by JoHn because he has to do all the cool things, he's the protagonist. So probably he'd start with connections to the corruption but end up an avatar of the flesh.

4. After the Unknowing Tim comes back as an avatar of the stranger. Does this conflict with literally everything his character has established with him becoming aligned with the entity that killed his brother and Sasha? Yes. Does character integrity matter in het media? No. So he comes back slinging quips and one-liners because in het media the stranger would be portrayed as a cross between the web and the spiral. Plus Tim, as the token gay rep, would use the stranger's shapeshifting abilities to be a predatory (tm) gay until they confront him on it and it turns out that this is just how his powers are manifesting and then they say that it's making him a monster and kill him again, this time for permanent. It's bury your gays, but worse.

5. Daisy is an avatar of the lonely. Because in het media, the reason she'd be so aggressive would be tied into her being deeply lonely and unable to find a man to love her. This is the only character depth she gets for the entirety of this series. But, then, after Prentiss is killed, her and Martin end up together, because they are both deeply lonely and unlovable by conventional standards. And through a man's love, she is able to control her avatar powers, conquer her fear, and feel fulfilled. It's awful.

6. Basira is an avatar of the eye. Being smart is her only personality trait and no, we are just gonna ignore the Eye's ties to a surveillance state, we will not discuss those implications at Moldy Pencil. She is relegated to a background character whose only trait is being smart but not smarter than JoHn and most of the villains, because that would imply a female character is essential and can't be arbitrarily killed off. Anyways, her family is a bad racist terrorist trope and are a part of a cult dedicated to the slaughter that is bad in both idea and execution. That's the only story she gets and in the end she realizes that her family is bad and takes off her hijab as a symbol of cutting ties with them. It's awful, moving on.

7. Georgie is a buried avatar. First off, she's a main love interest, so her power's can't be gross, that crosses off the corruption. Second off, the reasoning is because she feels buried under Melanie's fame and feels like she can't get out from her shadow, like she's drowning in it, she's given depth, because, again, main love interest for JoHn and also it relates to hating another woman so it's fine in het media. Anyways, much like how Daisy gets fixed by falling in love with Martin, Georgie is fixed by falling in love with and having a kid with JoHn.

8. Sasha. Okay so she gets fridged by becoming Not!Sasha, but she's actually not dead. She's trapped in the table. When the table is destroyed, it doesn't free notthem, it does destroy it and frees the people who were replaced. During her imprisonment in the table realm, Sasha became a web avatar! And now she's got a sexy spider theme to her and she becomes a bit of a femme fatale. Having been an NLOG prior to being tabled, Sasha is allowed to be physically powerful but, no woman is allowed to be sexually liberated. Her and JoHn fuck repeatedly until he realizes that she's manipulating him from his pure Christian path, it is then that it's revealed that JoHn is not only going to be an avatar for the hunt, but HE is going to be the extinction. JoHn denies this vehemently and starts to avoid Sasha.

As the season five opens JoHn realizes Sasha was right, he is the extinction. So he heroically has avatars of all of the entities come together to kill him in order to prevent that from happening, (the guy from the squirm episode is the new main corruption avatar after Prentiss died). He is killed, but then resurrected but not as an avatar of the extinction, no, the extinction's been killed from him so he's fine now. However, on the closing shot to the season five it zooms in to Georgie's stomach, implying that the kid she's carrying is going to be the extinction because they were conceived when JoHn was going to be the extinction, meaning that it will live on in the kid.

tl;dr: JoHn is a hunt avatar but is also supposed to be the extinction; Martin is now a flesh avatar with corruption ties; Tim becomes a stranger avatar; Melanie becomes a desolation avatar; Daisy becomes a lonely avatar; Basira becomes an eye avatar; Georgie is a buried avatar; and Sasha didn't die and became a web avatar; also JoHn and Georgie's unborn kid is the extinction!

Holy shit this was awful to write and I'm sorry you have to look at this. This just started with me thinking "Straight!JoHn wouldn't be an avatar of the Eye, he'd be an avatar of the Hunt" and then it spiraled from there. Sorry for how long and painful it is.

[incarnateirony]

I think one of the worst things in this fandom is knowing how much material is worth posting and yet I delay on because some scuzzbucket is going to try to twist it. In example: the analysis I want to do showing how SPN is essentially shattering sex and gender roles, I know if I don’t give some giant lead in showing what kind of jizzmonkey you’d have to be to say the opposite, someone would pull it because TheyDon’tLikeIt.

So right now, I’m going to go into it in shorthand:

The Generational Family

Supernatural started in a very classic heterosexual family structure. 

The Mom, Mary, was dead. She had the nurturing inner spirit and served as a sense of conscience for Dean to carry her torches and ideals subtly because,

The Dad, John, was emotionally absent. John became a hunter to get revenge, but a great deal of his displaced anger fell on the cursed child he even tried to command Dean to kill if he had to.

The Cursed Child, Sam, had this yellow eyed curse following him around which they even find it WHY Mary burned, much less the Luciferian path waiting for him.

His Big Brother, Dean, “had to be a mother, and I had to be a father, all to keep him safe. And that wasn’t fair.” But he did it. And he loved his little brother. With mother lost to death and father lost to grief, Dean stepped forward to be everything they couldn’t or wouldn’t.

But this same cycle hits us later. We often speak of “Team Free Dads”, and I mean, sure, Jack calls all of Team Free Will his dads, and why wouldn’t he, I mean, nobody’s really broken down advanced gender sciences to even adult team free will much less little Jack, Cas for example despite being an agender being in a masculine vessel has long accepted masculine pronouns because of the sex of his vessel, etc. So easy. They’re my dads.

This fandom has often argued over who is more dad. Honestly, all three are equally *parents*, but there is a point I would like to make.

The Mom, Castiel, was dead. He was the nurturing inner spirit and served as a sense of conscience both before and after he returned for Jack to carry his torches and ideals subtly, but before Cas came back,

The Dad, Dean, was emotionally absent. His anger and grief was displaced on the cursed child that Castiel died helping birth into the world, who’s yellow eyes looked at him while Castiel knew the child within the womb, and eventually, the Allfather would even command the Dad to kill the Cursed Child years later. Again.

But the Cursed Child, Jack, had that yellow eyed curse, and suffering through his dark and luciferian parentage and struggling to find himself.

His Big Brother, Sam, had to be a mother and to be a father, to keep him safe during season 13. Neither Castiel or Dean were available, be it literally or emotionally, to provide and Sam had to take care of him until they could come back.

Over time, this tracked differently, because Castiel came back a HELLA lot earlier than Mary did. Mary took a lifetime, Castiel took a few months. Jack got to actually grow with the Mother, and the Father started to heal, and the Big Brother could take a healthier balance in this but still maintained his connection.

The reason I am slow to say this, like, ever, is I know there are people that would warp this into me prescribing gender roles--but actually, it’s the opposite. Hell, Dad is the one that does the things culture would determine some of the motherly: the cooking and cleaning etc; Mom in this instance is a whirlwind rebel soldier that can still take off in a blur. And frankly, this removes “uncle Sam” making him feel detached. Because I’m sorry, in Supernatural, “Big Brother” is inarguably THE most important parental role. He’s not Mom and he’s not Dad, but he’s Big Brother. And that’s what it’s all about in the end, isn’t it?

And frankly, I find if people start seeing this as Maternal, Paternal and Fraternal connections, a lot of other things gain sudden lucidity. When Castiel sighs tiredly at Jack, it’s a mom sigh, I’m sorry. When Castiel takes either side of Jack’s face and stares into it in Byzantium while sending him back to earth, it’s a mom look, I’m sorry. No, AngryMcPostTwister, that’s not saying that men can’t have gentle looks or any particular thing someone will try to vibrate themselves into, but there’s literally an energy to each of these moments that show the nurturing vs mentoring roles in either.

And that’s not about sex or gender but with Cas about a certain sort of nurturing personality trait they have, or with Dean a very teaching-forward strength, or with Sam a very balanced emotive connection.

Together they make a three person parental unit that is familiar, but far healthier than its original form, and part of why we’ve come to adore Team Free Dads so much. It’s what we wish Sam and Dean COULD have had. And ultimately, it’s -- to put it in Dean’s words -- “very progressive” in the family structure. 

[archivistsammy]

I want to start by saying that I am a Dean-coded Dean Girl through and through, and this post pains me to write. But after sitting through the character assassination that is season 8 and the few aggravating choices that start out season 9, I need to get some shit off my chest about THEE Dean Winchester. 

I can’t stand this scene. This interaction. One of my biggest complaints about season 8, which I touched on a bit in my very first post about the season, was Dean’s noticeable lack of empathy. He gets out of Purgatory cold, distant, and with zero patience for anyone who is not himself or Benny. And I don’t just mean Sam, who he is decidedly foul towards, but towards Cas and Kevin and Garth, too. While I can absolutely make allowances for some of his behavior (a lot of it, even), the fact the season never encourages Dean (or viewers) to think critically about how he behaves is such a huge failing. And the fact that fans of season 8 believe this is Dean at his most pure, Dean at his most himself...while simultaneously reveling in Castiel’s deathbed assertion that Dean is not in fact a blunt instrument, but someone deeply motivated by love, absolutely boggles my mind. Because throughout season 8, that is how Dean operates: as a blunt instrument. He lacks nuance, care, and consideration, and while this is largely (in my opinion) the result of his traumatic time in Purgatory, Dean is never tasked with coming to terms with what he experienced, nor held accountable for the way his experiences informed his poor treatment of others. 

Kevin, in particular, was shown minimal concern by either brother, but especially not by Dean. Dean talked to Kevin like John likely talked to Dean, and while we are often quick to condemn John for his treatment of his children, I feel it’s equally necessary to level those condemnations at Dean too, because we know what Dean is capable of. We know, especially us Dean Girls, the love that blooms in Dean’s heart, and so seeing his actions and emotional state in season 8 is incredibly difficult to watch. Finding myself repeatedly angry at Dean, disappointed in the things he says and does to others, was not a fun a time. 

And I bring this up because, while Dean does soften some once Cas returns (though not entirely by a long shot) we still see clear evidence of the extent Purgatory robbed him of his empathy, again, notably when it comes to Kevin. And this clearly carries over to this scene in the second episode of season 9.

At first glance, this scene seems sweet. The music wants you to think so, too, starting to play a soft little orchestral number that’s meant to undercut Dean’s apparent sincerity as he tells Kevin he and Sam don’t just need him because he’s useful (even though in season 8 the brothers kept Kevin in deplorable conditions--after he was tortured by Crowley even--in isolation without much apparent care, despite discovering they had a perfectly comfortable and impenetrable bunker they could have moved Kevin to fairly early on in the season, in addition to minimizing his concerns about his mother and Crowley’s influence in his head, and Dean giving him drugs to work faster and harder despite the threat to his health, all in service of being more useful) but because he’s family. As if Dean wouldn’t tear through earth, Heaven, and Hell himself to get Mary back if he thought she was being tortured by demons, leading no real life at all, as he tells Kevin in the above scene when he says he wants to leave to find his mother. 

“You, me, Sam, and Cas--we’re all we’ve got,” Dean insists, as if he isn’t currently lying his ass off to Sam--despite this being the number one sin he levels at him in season 8 while possessed by the specter--and as if he isn’t about to kick a defenseless Castiel out of the bunker in the following episode to maintain his lies to Sam. As if Dean’s efforts to uphold his charade don’t lead to the series of choices that get Kevin himself killed later on in the season. 

Dean may believe, in his own fucked up way, that Kevin is indeed part of his family. That the time they’ve spent together in service of the greater good has bonded them in a way that can only be defined in Dean’s mind in terms of family. And with Dean’s awful childhood and John’s terrible parenting, I could see how he might come to have certain ideas about family and what it means to apply that label that aren’t the most warm and fuzzy. But I also believe wholeheartedly that Dean levels that intimacy at Kevin to manipulate him into staying, and I say this because of how Dean ends the conversation:

This is an incredibly manipulative thing to say, and I think Dean full well knows it. That he’s taking Kevin on a classic guilt trip. Tell me you can’t imagine John saying the same kind of thing when Sam left for Stanford. Tell me you can’t imagine him telling Sam that they are family and they need each other because family is all we have. Tell me John wouldn’t say, “But, hey! If none of that matters to you, then walk right out that door and don’t you dare come back.” Just because Dean says it softly, with disappointment rather than anger, doesn’t make the words any less devastating. Any less influential. And it works, because Kevin doesn’t leave to look for his mother; he turns back around to ostensibly get back translating the angel tablet. Which Dean and Sam need him to do. 

Kevin has suffered immensely, and yes. Everyone on this show has. But the point I’m ultimately trying to make is how upsetting and frustrating I find it as a dedicated devotee to all things Dean to see him be so callous with others when he knows firsthand how that kind of treatment feels. How that kind of harshness stays with you, becomes something you carry on. Especially for someone like Kevin, who does not hold Dean’s threshold for pain of any kind, physical or emotional. I mean, can you imagine Dean talking this way to Charlie? To Claire? Both of whom walked into hunting with eyes wide open? Which is maybe a conversation to hold another time around how Dean protects the women in his life more than he protects the men (Because honestly, I can’t see him talking to Jody or Donna this way, either), but for the sake of this post and this episode...I just need it said that Dean is not at his best. And that is very, very hard for me to watch.