#i mean. being self-aware as ME is painful… some of these people… i can’t imagine it

[starbuck]

as fun as it is to study characters under a microscope and figure out every little thing that’s wrong with them and why, i appreciate media where characters are like 30% self-aware at best and getting to that point costs them EVERYTHING.

[ovaryacted]

Well let me send some soft!Leon.

Leon is the type of guy to be like “I may have gotten bitten by zombies and thrown against walls but like. That’s still better than period cramps.”

If he’s not away on a mission, I imagine he’d want to just lay in bed with you all day. He gives good snuggles. Gets tea and the heating pad.

But also, I had the hilarious imagine of Leon being real fucking clueless with the emotions of it. You know the meme of the girl over the toilet being pat on the back by a broom? That’s Leon. He’s like “there there” while keeping 10ft away from you.

Unironically if you run out of pads/tampons he probably texts you “what size coochie you wear?” Or whatever. But! If you tell him, that’s the only time you need to because he remembers.

Also, not embarrassed about getting period products. I mean, this guy is built like a house, and attractive as fuck everyone knows he’s picking stuff up for his lady. Probably getting head too let’s be honest.

He also picks up your face snack.

-angsty anon (I guess not angsty this time lol)

EEEEEEK thank you for sending this angsty (not so angsty) anon cause I actually feel like shit at work but this was so cute. Also I know the memes you’re talking about they’re deep in my gallery I can’t find them right now lmao. But yeah let me cook and self indulge cause I can. (And cause the cramps are starting to ramp up).

Disclaimer: I know everyone’s period cycle is different, this is not a one size fits all. I’m speaking generally, mostly about myself but yeah if it doesn’t apply let it fly and that’s okay! Leon would still be a good partner and meet your needs either way. 🫶

Leon to me is the type of guy that would provide comfort and humor whenever you need it and without you having to ask for it. He just cares, that’s all he does really. But of course, he’s aware that when your cycle hits, he has to be more aware of your emotions and what you need. He’s very in tune when it comes to tending to you, but he isn’t afraid to ask so he can give you exactly what you want.

If he isn’t at home, he’d probably have your cycle tracked on his phone so he knows when to send you a gift package or flowers just so you know he’s around. If he’s going on mission, he’d send those things in advance, and when he comes back home he’d bring your favorite food and snacks as a welcome present.

But when he is home and he knows your period is about to kickstart, he instantly goes into house husband mode. He knows the first few days are the toughest and it gets easier over time, but sometimes all you want to do is just stay curled up in bed and sleep the pain off. He’d be right there beside you, giving you tea and pain medication if you ask for it, making sure you have water nearby and a heating pad to help with your comfort. Clothing wise, he gives you his clothes, ones you already stole from him anyway, finding his boxers much more comfortable than the panties you have, and a baggy t-shirt that smells like him to ease your nerves.

He handles the chores in your living space, cleans the place up and does the laundry, plus he gets groceries and cooks if that’s what you request. When he does go out to do the shopping, he asks you what snacks you want, already having some in mind but double checks if you want something specific. It doesn’t matter how ridiculous your cravings are, he’ll give them to you without judgement. You can eat all the junk and sugar you want, so long as it helps with your mood he’ll get it. Or if you want fruits and things that are a bit easier to eat considering your nausea, he’ll get that too.

He buys your feminine products without shame, gets irritated about how expensive they are “because they should be free” according to him, and gets you an extra box for you to have in advance. There may be other people in the section watching him as he finds the exact brand and size you use, not that he cares if he’s being watched, and he can hear your voice in his head talking about it.

Get the all cotton ones with wings, medium-sized. The thicker ones are for overnight, so get me a pack too. Do not get the ones that say light flow or small, those don’t do shit!

Your emotions are all over the place, more sensitive and easily irritable by anything and everything. At times it scares him how fast your mood can change, but he doesn’t judge you for it, you can’t help the way your body behaves. He doesn’t hover over you, comes by to check in, see if you feel any better. If you ask him to cuddle with you, he’ll do that no questions asked, but if you don’t want to be touched, he’ll leave you alone and let you rest. It’s not personal to him, he gets it, somewhat at least. He’ll send you cute text messages with those silly emoticons from the living room, or send you a funny video he saw on social media (it didn’t make you laugh but it’s the thought that counts).

The mental aspects of your cycle can be debilitating at times, and it’ll make you second guess things that shouldn’t be in your head. Leon knows what that’s like, and he’s there for you to talk to if you need it. He’s ready with affirmations, soft words, and constantly tells you that he adores you and loves you. Shit that makes your heart warm and your mind shut up, he just supports you in whatever you need.

Now as for the secret period horniness that sometimes likes to sneak up on you, he’s also willing to provide. It doesn’t happen often, but he knows when it does. When you’re snuggled up into him and start shifting your hips against him, or when your breathing gets a bit shaky the moment his hands come up towards your thighs. He’s on your time, whatever you say goes, and he only does things if you ask for them. So if you say you want to be touched he’ll do it, he’ll caress you and massage your chest to ease the soreness you feel there. If you want to suck him off to appease to your oral fixation, he’ll let you, and happily keep your hair up and praise you along the way. And if you tell him you want to have sex with him, he’ll bring out the towels or propose a shower, whatever you decide he’s fine with. It doesn’t bother him, he’s seen so much blood and gore that this is the last of his concerns. Plus, orgasms help with period cramps so whatever helps you, he’ll do it.

Whatever you need, he’s willing to provide. Thats just the type of man and partner he is.

I need him. Im fucking sad.

[lesbianyosano]

thinking about how kunikida is inarguably suicidal and yet how many people seem to miss this completely when discussing his character, likely bc the way he goes about it stands in complete opposition to how dazai deals with his own suicidal tendencies (disclaimer, i’m basing this of off what i can remember bc i’m too lazy to look for all these scenes rn)

because dazai is fully aware of his feelings, embraces them, really. all of his attempts are unambiguous and he talks about wanting to die a lot, but he also has strong self preservation instincts (if you can call it that). he rarely puts himself in immediate danger and strays away from pain. also all of his attempts (from what we’ve seen in the main manga at least) are highly ineffective (and he knows it) because he’s still hoping to find some reason to live, it’s a huge theme in his character arc (which doesn’t diminish how he feels or how serious his condition is)

but with kunikida is the complete opposite. first of all, he doesn’t seem to register how he feels as being suicidal. i would imagine it’s partly because of how strongly he associates the feeling with dazai, and he’s nothing like him so it can’t be that. but when you pay attention to how he acts it becomes clear that’s what’s going on with him. the helicopter scene is the prime example, how quick he is to throw his life away even when he doesn’t really have to (there had surely been different ways to deal with the hunting dogs then, i mean chuuya was right there), but this also comes up during the scene with aya when she’s first introduced. after the bomb thing gets resolved she asks him what he would have done if yosano didn’t come and he just.. smiles and tells her that he promised not to have people die in front him (i’m paraphrasing this bc i’m too lazy to find the chapter sorry). and it’s easy to miss i guess, but it’s still so chilling he basically admits that he’s rather die on the spot than have to deal with the guilt of not being able to save people. like that’s not,,,, a normal and healthy way to think. and then there’s also what jouno says to him (and again i’m paraphrasing), how his first involuntary reaction to the possibility of his friends dying was relief, with shame and fear coming afterwards. because if his friends are dead that means he can give up and die too.

so yeah uh, i think there’s something really wrong with him and most of these feeling seem to stem from guilt which makes me wonder what the hell happened to him that he’s now acting this was. asagiri release the forbidden backstory <\3

[angel-in-your-basement]

hey I hope this isn't too personal but your blog kinda made me realize I'm a sadist and (possibly?) a domme? having lots of feelings about this revelation so I kinda have an odd question as like: how does one get over like cognitive dissonance with regards to self conception? sorry if that's worded weird but like, I'm a huge massive softy with like, hyperempathy type brain nonsense so its kinda hard to imagine myself actually like *as* that kinda person. I'm aware soft-domme type stuff exists but idk like how to put it together in my head? sorry if this is a lil incoherent I just woke up lol. thank you for your kink education stuff and I hope your weekend goes well ^w^

(also any general starting out safety tips are greatly appreciated cuz ngl I'm very in over my head and wanna nip any hazards in the bud before I try experimenting)

Hi there! Not too personal at all, I’m happy to talk about stuff like this. I meant to answer this sooner but I’ve just been too damn busy irl, so here I am now!

When we are presented with new information and our beliefs are not making sense anymore, it’s time to sit down and reevaluate those beliefs. If you haven’t already, I would go look at this post, which goes into more depth about shame and questioning ideas about kinks. Since that post covered shame, I won’t go into depth on here, but we are going to talk about beliefs.

Why does this happen?

What is generally happening in cases like you’re talking about, is that we have formed ideas about ourselves (ex. “I am a big softy + hyperempathetic person”) and about the world (ex. “Sadists are tough/mean/scary/whatever”), and then we create logical conclusions based on those ideas (ex. “I couldn’t be a sadist, because I am soft and not tough/mean/scary”). Which works fine until we get new information that contradicts our conclusions.

What do we do?

When that happens, and we want to resolve it, we gotta find some flexibility in those beliefs! In your case, this might look something like this:

What is “that kinda person”, and exactly what parts don’t fit for you? What parts do fit?

Where did the “that kinda person” idea come from?

Is this always the case? Are sadists 100% like that?

What might someone look like who was very empathetic and ALSO a sadist? How do you feel about the idea?

Why might it actually make sense that someone empathetic would be a sadist?

The whole point here is get a good idea of where the conflict is, why it’s a conflict and then looking for areas of flexibility.

I can’t answer those questions for you, but here is a couple things from my experience that may be useful. I have known a lot of sadists, and just like every other group of people, they vary widely, but my favourite sadists have always been the people who are big, empathetic teddy bears who want to take care of me and coddle me just as much as they want to hurt me. I, myself, am like you, where I am very empathetic but I also very much enjoy psychological sadism.

Part of it, too, is that it just takes time to warm up to these new ideas, and you don’t need to go straight into the hardcore stuff. You can integrate sadism with basically any other kink, and sadism can look a ton of different ways. If it’s more that you like the idea of seeing someone struggling or being afraid, then even stuff like giving someone pleasure or taking care of them can be sadistic. And if you’re more into the actual act of inflicting pain, then you can do it in ways where people are enthusiastically encouraging you the whole time, if that’s what you need. You can also be a sadistic sub! Honestly, I think that’s the wonderful thing about kink - there’s a million ways to mix and match, and cater your experiences to exactly what you like.

Re: starting out safety tips, I think there’s already lots of good resources on this, so look into things like negotiation, safewords, SSC/RACK, red flags, etc. This post is already getting long so I’ll just say one thing that I don’t see talked about enough.

When you’re exploring new stuff and especially new relationships/dynamics, it’s very easy to get swept up by the emotions of it, particularly if you’re a people pleasing type person. All of the bad experiences I have had have stemmed from this - from being too excited and not being able to look at the situation rationally. So imo, it’s important to have clear boundaries for yourself (i.e. I will not do any sex stuff with someone until we have talked about xyz), and to have a plan to keep yourself safe that works under the assumption that you will likely be too enamoured to want to pull yourself away from the dynamic. Having platonic kinky friends really helps with this stuff! What all that actually looks like is a whole other discussion, so I’ll save that for another day.

[spuukinightmares]

As a fellow werewolf lover THE WEREWOLF MONDO AU HELP???!!! I would love to know more about it honestly 😼 (pulls out a small notepad and pen) WereMondo lore drop plz

Mondo Owada Werewolf AU Lore

Okay so. First of all. This is my very first Tumblr ask and it made me so so happy I genuinely almost started crying HJDNJSNCS I’m !! So glad that you’ve taken interest in my werewolf mondo AU that means so much 2 me uwaaa 💕💕/p

That being said, I actually don’t have much lore? Whenever I think abt this AU I always have a bunch of ideas spinning around in my head, and just about all of them are contradictory. There’s just so many possibilities to explore with the idea of Mondo being a werewolf, yk?? I don’t really have anything super planned out or set in stone, but I can go over the main ideas that I like the most in terms of how being a werewolf in general would work and how things could affect Mondo + his peers in particular !!

Also some of this stuff might contradict what I said in my headcanons post bc like I said I’m still sort of in the brainstorming phase of this AU where not a lot is set in stone/subject to further changes. Just be aware !!

Werewolf transformations are painful as hell, and de-transformations aren’t much better. The entire body is basically getting squished, stretched and reformed, and there’s a bone cracking and muscle popping too throughout the whole process. Not only is it agonizing, but it’s really uncomfortable! It wouldn’t be unusual for someone to be grunting/groaning in pain, but Mondo is the type of person who would try to tough it out silently I feel. He wants to be able to hold onto some of his dignity, so he’d deliberately try not to make a lot of noise, especially if he knows someone is watching. He can’t help but let a few cusses slip though, and when he’s sure he’s in an isolated place where no one will hear him, he’ll be doing a lot more cursing and doing it a lot more loudly.

I like to think of werewolfism(?) as a curse that acts as retribution. It manifests in those who already have a hidden side to themselves that they force down, typically affecting people who present as being very strict and rigid, not offering themselves a lot of freedom or leisure. It’s like a punishment for never allowing themselves to release their pent up frustrations, and now they’re cursed to do exactly that every time the moon casts its light unto them. There are exceptions to this, of course. I like to think that a werewolf’s behaviour is dependant on what part their human self refuses to let out, and most wolves tend to act violent and feral for this reason.

In Mondo’s case, he can already be considered pretty aggressive. The side that he doesn’t like to let out is his softer, weaker side. Therefore, his wolf would probably act more like a puppy, if I’m being honest. Way more affectionate, albeit still incredibly scary looking. Imagine a large beast closing in, sniffing their way up to you and you expect them to just start tearing you apart for food… and then it starts headbutting you like a cat. Don’t be totally fooled though, even though he’s a lot more submissive in this form, doesn’t mean he’d let you get away with hurting those he cares about.

Despite being pretty pleasant as a wolf, Mondo is still highly concerned about being transformed. Why? Because he has little to no idea what he’s like in that state. Most werewolves can only remember bits and pieces from when they were transformed, everything else is just a blur. He only knows that he’s a werewolf, and based on what little knowledge he has on that subject, he just assumes that he’s out there wreaking an insane amount of havoc on anyone he sees. It doesn’t help that every time he wakes up after a de-transformation, he has this inexplicable feeling of guilt that hangs over him.

I do think it’d still be really interesting to give him some monstrous moments that align more with his assumptions though. Perhaps these moments could be the ones that Mondo recalls the most clearly, being that it’d technically be when he’s in the “most control” because it stems from his aggression outside of his werewolf form. It’d likely add to his fear that he does worse to people while he’s transformed, being some of the only things he can remember.

I know I mentioned the idea of some of the Crazy Diamonds + Daiya being werewolves, but honestly? I think I kinda like the idea of Mondo being confused and alone a lot more. First of all it has angst potential and I slurp that shit up like a thirsty butterfly on a sunflower, second of all I think it would be more interesting for Mondo’s development if this was something like an over-arching story. Characters could slowly realize the secret he’s been hiding, and Mondo can gain people to confide in overtime. Also Daiya is still dead, so he can’t turn to him either, unless you count venting to his grave.

Furthermore, I think Mondo’s werewolfism would be rather recent. His curse would be attained likely by the time he took his first step into Hope’s Peak. In his final free time event in the game, he compared to accepting the invitation to the academy as running away from his fear of losing the gang/moving on to the future, and I think this would be the final nail in the coffin that awakens the werewolf curse within him, forcing him to face the fear he tried to turn away from. Imagine his confusion during the first full moon at Hope’s Peak where he starts transforming into a beast out of nowhere.

Nobody but himself knows that he’s a werewolf, however I do think it would be interesting if the students and staff (the staff would probably try to keep it on the down low to not alarm their students or harm their reputation but let’s be honest at least a few of them gotta know) of the academy knew that there’s at least a wolf among them. They’d likely find this out based on evidence that’s left behind (claw marks, camera footage, attacked victims, etc.), which when found in the morning it leaves Mondo wondering, “did I do that?”

What was supposed to be an opportunity for students to guarantee their perfect future quickly turns into a real life game of werewolf where everyone is panicked trying to figure out who it is before someone can get seriously hurt.

Here’s one of the funny parts though: there’s actually more than one werewolf! Most of the stuff that’s left behind in the morning from the werewolf rampage doesn’t actually come from Mondo. Not many people realize there’s more than one, but it’d probably dawn on them as the AU’s story progresses. Can you guess who else is a wolf? :] (the other wolf/wolves aren’t set in stone either but you should guess anyway)

Although they’re rare, most people in this AU know about werewolves (just not 100% how they work), and the government would certainly take measures to fight against the threat of the cursed — either by hunting them down to kill them, locking them up, attempting to tame them, or desperately researching a cure which may or may not involve needing to experiment on werewolves. Basically, none of the outcomes will be pleasant for Mondo if he gets found out.

Unfortunately, plenty of people suspect him right off the bat due to his stereotypical behaviour, but since that evidence is flimsy at best, he isn’t really pursued for it. Kyoko is the MVP for both Mondo and the other students, as not only is she the leading detective on the case and does most of the investigating/deducing, but she also defends Mondo against the unfounded accusations towards him. That’s not to say she herself doesn’t still suspect him, she just doesn’t want anyone to jump to conclusions before any real proof is found. That’d only cause more problems than solutions.

Allow me to talk about how some of the other characters would come into play for a bit! Kyoko & Celeste might be some of Mondo’s biggest obstacles when it comes to keeping this secret. Kyoko for obvious reasons, and Celeste because she can so easily tell when he or literally anyone else is lying. Kiyotaka would very likely be accusatory towards Mondo at first, but after they become friends, he’d be Mondo’s greatest ally, defending him vehemently no matter how concrete any evidence against him might be. Fukawa is the most accusatory out of everyone by far, and she and Yasuhiro are both incredibly paranoid about the whole thing.

I think the way they’d verify who is and isn’t a werewolf is by locking someone inside a fortified room somewhere within the academy for observation during the full moon. If they don’t transform during the night, they’ll know they’re safe, and if they do transform, the authorities can take action. I’m no expert on Kyoko’s character, but since she’d be the detective leading the investigation, I think she’d volunteer to be the first one to stay overnight in the sealed room so that she can verify her integrity. As for who goes next, it all depends. Maybe it could be left up to a vote between those who know that there’s a werewolf, or maybe Kyoko will decide on her own based on who she thinks is the most suspicious. Either way, if Mondo gets thrown into that room, it’s game over.

I think that’s about all I have so far?? Sorry if some of this doesn’t make sense, I wrote some of it at like 6am while running on 0 hours of sleep. Idk what else to write about ehehe. Also gotta love how I said I didn’t have much planned out at the beginning of this and now here I am like 10 paragraphs later. erm.

But anyways !! I hope this was satisfactory enough and thank you again for asking it made me rlly happy :] if anyone else has any questions or comments or whatever don’t be afraid to submit an ask !!!! I’d love to get more hehe :D

[s-the-seething-songbird-2]

Logs for Thomas, Part 2: #5

Song stuck in my head: “Waves” by Robin Schulz and Mr. Probz

Hey, Thomas.

I’m currently in a lounge at my school, waiting for my boyfriend to finish packing up our stuff. We just finished doing something really fun related to his prospective career—I can’t go into specifics for safety reason—and it went really well! He was stressing about it earlier, but I told him that it would be alright, and it was.

I’m… not feeling great right now. I’m not the most outdoorsy person in the world, and I’m sensitive to extreme temperatures, so I’ve been chilling inside. In my defense, I did help him retrieve everything from the car, which meant we were on a significantly smaller time crunch than we would have been—not that he owes me anything for it, but maybe you can understand why he’s insisting that I’ve done more than enough today, all things considered.

But I’m safe, and semi-comfortable (I found out that I’m super allergic to a necklace I borrowed from my girlfriend), and all I have to do is wait.

Just wait. Alone. With my thoughts.

Yes, obviously, I’m never truly alone—for reasons that you already know but will not be disclosed here for my own safety—but I don’t want to talk to them right now. Truth be told, at the moment, I don’t really want to talk to anyone but you.

I’m having a hard time remembering how euphoric it was back then, when we were together. I know it felt euphoric because I documented the shit out of that part of my life via video, audio, and writing, but I can’t seem to feel it anymore, even when I’m lost in thought over the whole thing.

I can remember some of the pain just fine, unfortunately, but the warmth and excitement for that particular month of my life is just… gone. I can read it, and I can see it, but it’s so far away now.

Yes, I’m still capable of feeling happy and excited, but… This is hard to explain. Have you ever felt a certain “vibe” in a particular place and time? Like,,, okay, hold on:

Imagine it’s 2008. It’s warm outside, with wind chimes in the distance. Some clouds here, some tall trees there. Thick, lush grass that’s just been trimmed. You could play outside like this for hours. In this moment, you are this version of you. The feeling of being at this age, during this season, not quite aware just how large the space is around you. Life is just a blurry home video that spans a period of weeks or months, and you think that this is all your existence will be. It doesn’t occur to you that, within a yet or so at most, everything will feel different. You will feel different, you’ll be different. But for now—right now, in this moment—you’re alive. You’re self-aware. The air even smells “special” somehow.

That. You felt it, right? It’s like an aesthetic, but mentally- and emotionally-driven? That’s what I mean by “vibe,” which I know is an inept term to properly describe anything, but it’s all I can think to use. Maybe there’s a word for it in German or something. Maybe this is what ‘nostalgia’ is?

(Tangentially, the concept of nostalgia has always confused me. My guess is that past trauma has had something to do with it. When people say, “Man, don’t you miss being a kid, and playing video-games, and hanging out with your friend at reheat birthday party?” I’m like… No. I don’t miss it. I don’t miss it at all.

Sure, I remember experiencing those things, but there was almost never a moment in my childhood where I felt truly free and happy anywhere. Even the moments of temporary joy or hope were always overshadowed by the fear of getting in trouble, or doing something bad/“sinful”, or losing something I loved.

It makes me so angry to think about. Those lovely childhood memories that normal people relive have been robbed from me forever. I didn’t get a say. I didn’t get the chance to defend my peace, to defend my innocence. Like a sandcastle, it was just decimated right in front of me over and over again.

Sorry, I’m getting angry, and this has nothing to do with why I felt the need to—jesus, it’s almost been an hour, is my boyfriend okay? I’m going to check on him.)

Anyway, that “vibe” from autumn of 2018 is gone now. Maybe one day I’ll get lucky and feel it again for a couple of seconds, but then I’ll blink, confused by it, and then it may just disappear for good.

Why does pain always last longer than joy, Thomas?

Sometimes, I just… I just want to go back to that time. Even alongside all of the horrific bullshit I was going through. Just to feel what it felt like to be loved by you again. Just to have it, to remember it, to appreciate it one last time.

But I know it’ll only hurt me again once I open my eyes.

I want you here, Thomas. I want to introduce you to the rest of my friends, to my partners, to my sister. I want the world to know how important you are to me. But maybe that’s just the BPD talking.

I had a dream about Kai last night. They were wearing all of their clothes from high school, from that one photo on their Facebook. We somehow went to high school again after college and bumped into each other. We smiled at one another, and I said, “I know you might be mad, and I’m sorry. But I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much.”

And they grinned and said, “I missed you too.”

And we hugged. We hugged, Thomas, and I was so happy. And it even occurred to me that if they were okay with me, now… maybe Shay was cool with me again, too. And then maybe, just maybe, I’d get to see your face again.

But I won’t.

And it hurts so bad.

I want that sense of family between all of us again, just as Jack does. But every day without any of you around, that hope grows dimmer and drifts further and further away.

It’s heartbreaking.

God damn it. God fucking damn it, Thomas, this is so unfair!

I know the world doesn’t owe me anything! I know that I’ll live through the pain! I know that I’ll probably feel better tomorrow! But it still hurts, and I miss you, and I wish we could hug and make stupid jokes and have a nice dinner with your and Shay’s pets! And you could crack jokes and make her laugh, and one of the dogs could try to steal my food when I’m not looking, and I could politely tell it no, and it could give me sad puppy eyes, so I’d feel bad and give it extra belly rubs later!

Ughhhhhhhhhhh I want to scream

Okay, sorry, I have to go now. But thank you for listening. You know, if you are.

Although, more than likely, I’m talking to no one.

No one.

Just me. Here. Alone with my thoughts.

-S

[jellywishdaydream]

Basically, these are the reasons why I think I am unwell.

Sometimes when I take a delta-8 gummy, I am struck with a horrible crushing awareness that I am alive, and that life continues around me. Things are happening in this moment. I am wasting away, laying in bed for entire days at a time and all the while, the world moves and plants grow and the sun shines. Why have I been this way? How is it that I am so scared to leave my room? And somehow, I really am scared. I keep forgetting to realize it. It barely even feels like a fear. At every moment I think of the outside and I think “I won’t like it, I’m not going.” The discomfort of sunburns, of sweating, of the heat. All the while, I am freezing. I want to feel alive, but I feel so little that I don’t even feel the fear that’s stopping me. I can’t identify why my body is refusing me. My subconscious is pulling me into an ocean and holding me down until I forget what air is. Until I can’t feel the water. All I feel is pain and hurt and dread and I dwell in it. If I stay low, if I stay alone, if I stay hidden, if I stay in my room, I won’t feel any of the great wonders and loves of the world. And I won’t have to feel fresh pains when I lose them. I’m so exhausted. I can’t imagine going out, getting a job, leaving my bed, because, if I did those things, that might detract from being cozy in bed. I can’t spend time living my life, because it will get in the way of taking naps? I’m afraid to leave my room, but I still could be working on things outside of bed. I have all the supplies I need to paint in my bedroom, but I haven’t touched a brush in a month. I lay in bed.

Perhaps that’s why I keep taking these gummies. More and more frequently, recently. Two days ago, I said that I don’t feel happy without them. What does that mean for my life, my unaffected every day, that I must be mildly hallucinating to feel something? There is no cause in my life which resulted in some great wave of sadness. I feel sad, and I act in every way to strengthen those feelings. I am miserable in an entirely self-inflicted way. I hate to be alone, but, at all times, my highest priority is getting comfortable so that I can disassociate and daydream. Going to class, eating food, watching tv, talking to people, leaving my room is only a distraction from the thing most important to me.

In Books of Blood, directed by Brannon Braga, a girl is on the run from her family. Over time, she discovers that the owners of her bed and breakfast are abducting people. Instead of killing their victims, they are keeping them sedated and hidden in the walls of the house. I understand why most people would consider this scenario horrifying for the victims. But, when I think of that movie, I worry how little my life experience differs from their torture. I think of how much I enjoy my comfortable life. I think of how much I would like to live like that.

[longbeachtherapy1]

Know when trauma is affecting your life

Life is not always fair, and destiny has some really painful ways to make it obvious. The problem is, it becomes worrisome when the trauma of the past haunts your present without you knowing. Yes, there are indeed many cases where people are not aware that they have trauma or they do not want to accept it which worsens the problem.

Why do you need to heal from trauma?

Trauma affects you to the depths you can’t even imagine. It only changes how you feel and react in a different situation. No, it affects you way more badly than that. Trauma changes the way you perceive the world, and it shackles you down within your insecurities and labels.

Traumatized people are very much capable of dealing with situations like how a non-traumatized person would, but the ghost of the past hinders them from doing so. It kills the potential and makes you a slave to your thoughts.

So if you are facing any kind of invisible walls that are stopping you from achieving your goals or making you feel incompetent, then you need to check in with your inner self ASAP and see which part of you is bleeding and desperately needs your attention.

Can I recognize the trauma on my own?

No one who’s suffering from mental health problems wants to hear the words “stop overreacting” which might be the reason you avoid that mental health checkup. The fear of a professional telling you that you are fine and just overreacting can be greater than suffering from the trauma itself.

This is because it’ll mean all the battles you fought alone meant nothing, which can be heartbreaking and to some point cruel. But the truth is chances are you need professional help and even if you are fine, no therapist will ever make you feel your struggles are of no importance.

But even then, if you are uncomfortable visiting a therapist, you can look for these signs.

Signs of trauma

There are 4 major types of symptoms that you might experience in case of trauma. These types include cognitive symptoms, behavioral symptoms, physical symptoms, and psychological symptoms.

Cognitive symptoms

Intrusive thoughts

Mood swings

Confusion

Disorientation or disassociation from the body

Memory loss

Difficulty in focus and concentration

Flashbacks of the event

Behavioral symptoms

Avoidance, especially if the task relates to the place or activity of trauma

Isolation and difficulty in maintaining close relations

Lack of interest in things and activities that you once enjoyed

Physical symptoms

Getting frightened easily

Insomnia

Long-term fatigue and exhaustion

Sexual dysfunction

Change in eating patterns

Extreme alertness and always being on defense

Psychological symptoms

Getting overwhelmed

OCD

Feeling emotionally numb

Panic attacks

Anger

Depression

Guilt

Bottom line

Along with decreasing the quality of life, trauma also makes you more vulnerable to developing mental health disorders. It is of utmost importance that you visit a therapist in San Pedro in case you have any of the above symptoms. And although the past never changes, all we can do is let go and move on once we are done grieving, because holding onto it will only hurt us.

For those searching for the “Best trauma therapist near me,” visiting Long beach therapy can be a great choice because they have a staff full of mental health professionals. These experts excel at helping you heal from the past and teaching you to live in the future with great hope for the future.

[agendergreenwitch]

i woke up and talked to you for 40 minutes after dreaming of you for another 30. 

i have things that i want to say that are getting caught in the mandibles of my mind. the gears have kinks and i’m pushing off buying the WD-40. i have things that i want to feel that i have been re-directing within my body, an act that requires more energy than to feel and release it. but i’m scared of what it will feel like to feel some of those things. i feel everything so deeply that i have to be careful with the big things out of the fear that they will consume me, or crash over me, or swallow me, or incinerate me, or suffocate me, or hurt like dragging a fingernail off. i don’t want to be swallowed by my feelings. i want to swallow them and shit them out.

the pain of wanting something that is out of touch, a shape you’re fumbling towards in the dark. you are a shape i’m fumbling towards in the dark.

//

i see you hiding under what feels like 10 layers of comforters. i understand the need for most of those comforters because i walk around ready to use most of the same ones. i imagine that’s heavy, though, doing it all the time like that. when you crawl out from underneath your handful of times a day, it’s like being kissed by sunlight or the face of god. i wish that you could see the way it feels and lock it in a bottle for safe keeping and remembrance.

//

i drift from the shores of what i used to love. i am defined so heavily and so voluntarily by what i love. i cling to things i love because when they disappear, i forget a little bit about them once out of sight. somewhere inside, i know this is a choice once i recognize it. i cannot hold that truth in one hand of consciousness, so aware of it that i can write a poetry about it, and not doing something about it. turning your pain into art without also addressing it at the end is self harm.

//

i see you in a week and i won’t ever let you go if you’re cool with it. i will not let you drift.

//

i want to gather my power up like daisies in a basket. i want to scatter them in the wind and i want it to mean something tangible. i want to swallow the orange blossoms and light bulbs adorning my house.

my living room is a sanctuary. it feels like a room designed by someone who needs rest from the outside world. but don’t we all need rest from the outside world? needing rest from the outside world is central to who i am. it is central to how i love. i need to love people on the inside of my life. in living rooms and bedrooms and in closets and in kitchens. by candlelight and in violent fluorescence.

//

when i was 16 i said i would wake up smelling the air of a different city and smelling a different person i loved. the earth at point reyes feels different, but sort of similar to new york. coastal wetlands make me feel connected and powerful. i want to plant my feet in the warm and moist earth and i want mud and dew drops on cucumbers and foggy mornings. foggy mornings let me hide in the morning the way i want to. i’m not ready to spread my wings yet, the water on them needs to dry. when i’m depressed i don’t want the water to evaporate, i don’t want an excuse for them to unfold. i don’t want to do the work of flying. flying is indeed so much fucking work, and i am so tired. i cannot see what i am flying towards. i turn to you and i want to tell you, i want to tell you that i am afraid when i cannot see into the future. i do not want to see a tunnel and i only want to see the light. lately i can’t and i don’t want to get out of bed in the mornings.

i’m getting better at just jumping straight into it. do the morning routine, make the coffee, drink the cup off coffee. face the day. get ready right away, show yourself and the world that you are ready. hide the fact that sometimes you feel like hiding from the outside world and escaping inside a good book or some good music or inside a climax.

[miss-kittyy]

Rewriting Briarlight and Longtail’s Deaths

So I am disabled, like very disabled, I am %50 of the teenagers ever diagnosed with my special combination of pain disorders, and I also unfortunately hyper fixated on warrior cats, which is bad news for me because warrior cats is super ableist, and to add insult to injury, the fandom can also be pretty ableist.

My biggest problem with the majority of “anti-ableist” AUs is that they “fix” the ableism stemming from the narrative and able bodied characters by making the disabled character less disabled, this so bad for many reasons. I’ve talked more about in other posts. The justification that real life disabled cats are less doesn’t make it not ableist, since when was warrior cats meant to be realistic? If you’re making an au where the disabled cats function like actual disabled cats you also have to make all the cats genetically accurate, and retcon Lionblaze lifting a tree.

My problem with warrior cats is not that the disabled characters cannot become full conventional warriors, I’d like it if they got to choose what duties the perform instead of being crammed into the medicine den, but I don’t care about Cinderpelt not being able to complete a marathon. Most of the fandom seems to think the issue is that the disabled character are not useful enough, instead of the way that able bodied characters deny of them agency and make remarks like “you wouldn’t want to return to a life like her’s would you?”. Disabled people do not need to be “useful” to be worthy and empowering.

It’s very obvious that most of the fandom just wants the disabled cats to be more palatable to abled bodied people, so I’ve decided to make my own rewrite instead to hopefully make myself feel better. A lot of these things are inspired by my own experiences and not every disabled person is looking for the same things in representation, this is totally self indulgent.

The goal of this AU is to highlight the many unique and valuable aspects disability and how being disabled does not infringe upon anyone’s worth, ever.

- Longtail doesn’t die in the storm, Briarpaw is still injured, but he’s found besides her, trying his best to help her cling to life.

- after Briarpaw begins to recover he stands up to Millie and other cats insulting her quality of life, he says her journey will be hard, but it is one worth taking.

- She asks him why he’s an elder, and he decides to request to have his warrior ship restored as Briarpaw is dreading the life of an elder.

- On his first patrol the cats accompanying him insist on speaking to him in an incredibly infantilism tone, and whispering amongst themselves over what he can or can’t do, without consulting him,

- He initially gives up on patrolling after that insufferable experience.

- Briarlight begins to create marks and blobs on the wall of the medicine den using crushed up dead herbs she asks him to retrieve some berries for her, and he complies.

- Jayfeather shows him how he navigates the territory with the help of some of the sighted cats, and Mousefur is quick to volunteer as his guide. He finds her company surprisingly empowering. He realizes that it was not his blindness which was limiting his abilities, but the other cats attitudes.

- Mousefur and Longtail return with mouthful of berries and herbs, Briarlight describes to him what she’s drawing on the side of the den and he helps he mound the materials into paint.

- The cats begin to pop into the medicine den to see Briarlights painting and soon Jayfeather has to kick her out occasionally so they’d stop crowding him, she’s given the walls of camp to decorate instead.

- She begins to illustrate Longtails stories of the old territory and Bloodclan, and this new form of storytelling becomes a tradition amongst Thunderclan.

- because more young cats are aware of the clans history it becomes harder for the dark forest to recruit them, unfortunately, Blossomfall’s resentment towards her sister means she never cared to listen.

- Ivypool is still recruited and trained like in canon, given her relationship with the dark forest was much more emotionally charged and manipulative than just plain lies.

- at a gathering Longtail meets Grasspelt who inquires about Briarlight, Longtail is surprised about how little he knows as the she-cat had mentioned how well they got along as apprentices. Despite Millie nagging him not to tell him the truth about her daughter he does anyways, but puts much more emphasis on how well she’s doing than Millie expected. Grasspelt thinks this sounds really cool and decides that he is going to see her and her paintings, and that nobody can stop him. Longtail makes sure to put any opposing cat in their place, but Briarlight is a very respected Clanmate, so most warriors don’t say anything.

- Briarlight is nervous and doesn’t want to come out of the medicine den at first, but when Grassheart darts into the den holding berries and flowers for her to paint with she quickly warms up to her visitor.

- Grassheart is happy to tell Briarlight that he’s never been able to be a “functioning” warrior, and that he has always imagined that his spirit is shaped different, the medicine cat says his body is normal, but he’s never been able to keep focus in a fight or react as quickly as he should be able to while hunting. (He’s autistic because I say so)

- As dusk nears he’s visually hesitant to return to Riverclan and when Longtail inquires on why he says that he hasn’t felt so “here” for a long time. On the way back he wanders off and comes back with a chipmunk, when returning to Riverclan territory his father, Mintfur, is shocked to see his catch. After talking with his family a bit he realizes that it was the noise from the river that was making him so tense and dissociated, Brackenfur, who was escorting him, notices that he keeps rubbing himself on the ground and wincing.

- For the next couple moons Grasspelt returned to Thunderclan to bring Briarlight plants that only grow in Riverclan territory, he begins trying to fish from the quite lazy stream in their territory and soon both him and Briarlight have got it down.

- Longtail notices the sadness present whenever Grasspelt left and exclaims that it’s rather stupid that he’s living somewhere so unsuited for him just because of words long repeated.

- Grasspelt confesses that he feels the same, but knew he wasn’t supposed to say anything. Briarlight tells Longtail that her and the Riverclan warrior had been thinking of each other as mates for moons.

- Longtail accompanies Jayfeather to the next half moon meeting where he proposes his addition to the warrior code, “no cat should be confined to laws which harm them due to an inherent physical or spiritual difference.” (Cats don’t really know how brains work, so they see mental disabilities as a difference within a cats spirit)

- A moon later the leaders meet to discuss this proposition, it is accepted and Grasspelt makes the journey to Thunderclan for the final time.

- Grasspelt is renamed Grassspirit when becoming a Thunderclan warrior, unlike prior renaming of disabled cats this is a celebration.

- Grassspirit spends most of his time taking care of the elders and kits, he’s incredibly compassionate especially with kits and is able to solve many problems within the nursery.

- When twigkit and Violetkit arrive in Thunderclan Briarlight and Grassspirit help raise them, after Violetkit is taken Briarlight and Twigkit paint her on the side of Thunderclan camp.

- Briarlight still gets sick and her illness progresses without any treatment, Grassspirit notices her trying to hide it and when Longtail finds out he’s very upset. Jayfeather frantically treats her, expressing his frustration that she didn’t tell them sooner, the second Millie steps out she breaks down and explains that she just wanted to deal with it herself, and perhaps if she were successful Millie would finally treat her like an adult.

- Longtail gives Millie a stern talking to, he tells her that Briarlight is a warrior of Thunderclan and as her clanmate she should show her some respect.

- Millie is inherently very reactionary, as she had not realized the full extent of her suffocation, but eventually after a couple moons her and Briarlight begin to rekindle their relationship, like adults.

- Blossomfall sees how Brairlight wasn’t basking in their mother’s attention like she imagined, and feels the urge to seek out an actual sisterhood after ignoring Briarlight for moons and moons.

- Briarlight isn’t really mad at her sister, and understands why she felt the way she did. Jayfeather suggests that Blossomfall help Briarlight with her painting, Blossomfall seems put off with the suggestion of being her sister’s assistant.

- The interactions that follow are less than ideal, Blossomfall commends Briarlight’s able friends (Thornclaw, Poppyfrost, Alderheart, etc) for being so nice to her, as if that’s not what friends do. She seems very sad the entire time, sighing when her sister dragged her legs around with her mouth to sit more comfortably, even though she was completely fine. When watching her paint she comments that it’s good she has “something to keep her busy”, and finally she expresses her view, of Briarlight’s injury and her (Blossomfall’s) suffering being all worth it because of her talents, as if her life was not worth living to begin with.

- Briarlight tells her that if that’s truly what she wants she’s going to have to put more effort into understanding and respecting her way of life, and that she won’t apologize for their mother’s actions.

- When Blossomfall has her kits they take a liking to Auntie Briarlight, and Blossomfall seems to have reflected on their past interactions, trusting her sister to watch her kits. Briarlight teases a bit, a subtle way of telling her not to rush things, but they do begin to feel like something close to sisters.

- Right before Briarlight’s Nieces and Nephews are made warriors Longtail dies of Greencough. Throughout the entirety of his sickness he kept his sense of humour, his mean streak, and his immense love for what he had made of his clan.

- At his vigil Grassspirit began whaling like a bird in new-leaf, he insists that the vigil is too sad, and that Longtail wouldn’t want everyone moping around, for Starclan’s sake, his life was good. Standing amongst them, Longtail’s spirit can feel every cat in Thunderclan standing around him, singing the song of a life well lived.

[thegodwithin]

hi! im kind of new to law of assumption and old to law of attraction. law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused. i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier? i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc. i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof?? i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine? like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results. i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting. i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong?? I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me. I can even dm you, just please help me so I can actually manifest what I want. I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking. I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet. I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want. I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

Hey, so I just want to say that I really understand you. It’s funny how as I read your ask for the first time it really stood out to me how it was reflecting my current state at that moment so thank you for sending it. I will try my best to answer your questions but I'm still figuring this stuff out myself so I'm also just going to recommend some material that should help. I’ll put all the links at the end of the reply.

I have broken up your ask into several different topics and I’ll be addressing each one separately so please bear with me here.

This is the longest reply I've ever written so the rest is under the cut

law of assumption is not a hard concept but im a bit confused.

i think it’s because i don’t know much about what im getting into?? all i know is affirm and persist and etc.

I just feel like if someone told me how it works and exactly what to do, I wouldn’t be so confused and find it hard to persist.

The first and most important thing I want to say to you is that you should really learn from the source material, which as far as I’m concerned here is Neville Goddard. I know there are other teachers like him but he’s the main source most blogs and youtubers make their content from. And frankly a lot of posts on tumblr seem to really simplify and reduce things to the point where you get to this idea that it’s all just affirming and persisting which I really can’t agree with. That’s a conclusion one can reach after learning this stuff, processing it, experimenting with it and realizing what works best for them. But there are certainly other factors involved in the process, whether the person was aware of them or not. This also goes for youtubers and coaches in general. All these people are speaking based on their own experiences with the law. Through the lenses of their own beliefs, limitations, etc. So it’s only natural that they will sound different from each other and their message and style might not resonate with every person in the same way. Which is why you’re not supposed to just accept everything you hear or read at face value. Apply it, experiment with it and make your own conclusions.

like i want to use law of assumption and i want to believe to get what I want fast and easily BUT i want to know how it works and that im not following a delusion to make myself feel better and in the end, I am just left with disappointment and failed attempts at manifesting that left me with the consequences of my actions. ive been in the community for almost 2 years and i don’t think ive ever gotten results.

Most of us come into contact with the law from a negative situation and looking for a quick fix, and what we end up finding is a whole lot more than we ever bargained for. These teachings challenge everything we have ever known and accepted as absolute unchangeable truths in the world. And we are also dared to accept the responsibility that we were the cause of our entire lives?! It’s a lot to take in. You can’t be one foot in and one foot out. You’re trying to manifest something but you’re not seeing results. If you’re looking for results then you weren’t truly committed to living in the end and you haven’t really changed. You must notice the change within first, before the outside world can reflect that. You just give yourself what you want in your mind, and you keep doing it, day in and day out, with complete disregard for what your outer senses are telling you, until it hardens into a fact.

i find myself reacting to the 3D too much and like i find it hard to persist? what do i do to make persisting easier?

Battling with the 3d can certainly be painful and it just turns into a vicious cycle, because the more attention you pay to something, the more it gets perpetuated in your reality and in your experiences. I’ll be honest with you, sometimes I struggle with this as well. If anything, at least remember to prioritize your feelings at every given moment. If you notice that you’re feeling bad / reacting negatively to the 3d, stop and ask yourself: what do I want? or what do I want to feel?

Usually when I do that my mind automatically shows me the answer and then if I can enter the reality (within me, in my mind with my thoughts and feelings) where those things are true, suddenly that circumstance I was just reacting to doesn’t matter anymore. Because I feel fulfilled within now.

Just start allowing yourself to have what you want, no matter what. Practice putting yourself first, before anything else, before the circumstances around you, before what others might say or do. Even if the 3d looks bad right now, you deserve to feel what you want, you don’t have to keep putting yourself down because you haven’t seen an outside change yet. And the truth is that you won’t see a change if you keep watching the 3d and taking score from it. Because it can only change after you do. Because it’s a reflection of you. Allow yourself to feel that relief and satisfaction, in your imagination, everyday. Make it a habit and little by little you will have changed your mindset, entering a new reality.

Everything in your 3d world is an illusion in the sense that it’s not the truth. And this is because everything that you experience with your senses, in your 3d world is a direct reflection of you. You are everything, and you are everywhere you go and every person you meet. You can only ever experience yourself, nothing else. Nothing exists outside of you. Everything begins and ends with you.

and if we are truly the gods of our realities, doesn’t that mean someone else can manifest failure in mine?

You are God of your own reality. There’s only you in your reality. Nothing else and no one else. So everything and everyone that shows up is under your influence. IN YOUR REALITY. You can’t really access other people’s realities or inner worlds, and likewise they can’t reach yours. Even what you perceive as things outside of you pertaining to other people’s lives and experiences are still coming in through your own lenses, of the concept you have of that person, of the expectations and beliefs you have about them. This is why you shouldn’t bother with anything but yourself. Because it’s a waste of energy. Because everything you will ever perceive will come through you first. You can’t experience anything but yourself, your beliefs and your expectations. If you believe others can influence your reality then you are living from fear and you are giving your power away.

i hear things like time is an illusion, the 3D is an illusion, circumstances don’t matter, we are all gods of our reality. but WHERES the proof??

Instead of trying to manifest things in order to “see proof”, just let things happen and watch yourself during the process. Start really paying attention to what you’re thinking and feeling on a daily basis. Notice that your thoughts and reactions come from a certain state of being. Notice how people act in ways that you expect them to, because “that’s just how they are”.No, it’s because that’s the concept you hold of them in your reality, and they treat you according to the concept you hold of yourself. By doing this you will start to realize the connection between what has shown up in your life so far, and the person you were identifying with within. And when I say identifying with, I don’t mean something like an affirmation such as “I’m confident”. Your identification and basically your self concept comes from your perspective, the way you see things, the way you react to things and the way you act, the thoughts you have and what you accept as true. Those will show you who you really are.

i can’t blindly follow people’s success stories because im not them

The thing with success stories is that as much as they can be motivational, the process and the factors are always the same. They succeeded because they managed to change their mindset, they entered a new reality (within), they changed their dwelling place (the state of being they return to the most) and their outer reality simply reflected that change. Their circumstances are irrelevant and the only thing setting them apart is the techniques they used and how long it took for them to actually shift their mindset and accept the new reality they wanted. Techniques are not really that relevant because they only serve to aid you into moving states. So at this point it’s really just about what works best for you.

i affirm and persist and nothing shows up and im worried im doing it all wrong so i ask and now I’m even affirming wrong??

There’s no such thing as affirming wrong. And please take affirming off the pedestal. It’s just a technique and you don’t need to use it if it’s troubling you. Affirmations are just thoughts you would be having if you were living in the end. So their purpose is only to help make you feel like you are living in the wish fulfilled. There’s no point in affirming all day long if you keep feeling like you’re in the same old shitty reality. Again it’s the same thing I’ve been saying before. You can’t affirm for two opposite things at the same time and get the result you want. Use affirmations as much as you like but watch yourself for the rest of the time.

The reason this isn’t a trying process is because you’re not attempting to do anything to get something. You are simply being in a different way. You are changing your mind, changing your thoughts, choosing better feelings. This is a lifestyle change. If you accept the law, your entire perception changes. Nothing is ever the same as it used to be. This can be a hard pill to swallow but at some point you gotta be honest with yourself. There is no trying. There is only doing and there is only being.

i am not usually agitated but it’s exhausting.

I’m so exhausted and I just want to get what I want

You’re exhausted because you keep going back and forth between what you want and what has shown up. You need to pick one side and stick to it. You need to dive so deep into the feeling of what you want to the point where thinking the opposite feels unnatural. I know you don’t wanna hear this but thinking you’re doing something wrong really is also getting in your way. Think about it this way: you’re in the end goal, you’re there, it’s done, you got it. Would you be thinking about ANY of this stuff if that was the case? Would you be doubting and having all these fears and looking around everyday to make sure it’s still there? We both know you wouldn’t.

You just can’t have it and wonder where it is at the same time. You have to stick to the end goal and reject anything that contradicts that.

I know manifestation is supposed to be easy and not feel like a chore but how can it not when everything I desire is of so much importance to me

People say manifesting is easy and fun because you’re just supposed to satisfy yourself within by giving yourself what you want. If it feels like a chore then you're not giving yourself what you really want. You are focusing on what you think you should be doing and you are also keeping yourself hostage to your unwanted circumstances. If your desires are so important to you then stop putting conditions on them, stop looking for excuses to deny yourself of them. Get drunk in the feeling and the knowing of their fulfilment. Let go of all the doubts and fears, turn your back on your senses telling you it’s not here yet. Be stubborn and stop taking no for an answer.

You’re coming from a place of: I have all these unwanted circumstances and I want to have xyz instead, but no matter what I do, things aren't changing.

If you had xyz by now, would you still be repeating the unwanted circumstances in your head? Would you be thinking about them? Would you be reacting to them? Would you be identifying with this version of yourself that can’t get what you want?

No! You would be living your life, doing the things you enjoy, your duties and responsibilities, resting in the knowledge that you got that desire. It’s a reality now. It’s part of your life. You’d be living from that perspective.

You're keeping the unwanted stuff in place by reaffirming them, by looking at it everyday and going “yep, still here!”, you’re still accepting it as true for you. You can’t keep your attention on something without getting more of it. You need to die to the unwanted reality. Never to be seen again.

I’ve done self concept but I keep breaking.

Self concept is not a technique that you do once a day. Self concept is who you are. It’s how you behave and what you think all the time, every day, all day. It's what you believe and accept as true for you in all aspects. I think this community has been breaking up the law into bits and pieces, as if there are all these separate factors and steps you need to take, and it’s done more damage than good because it’s actually literally all the same thing, it’s all connected. Once you change through the means of one aspect, the other aspects change automatically. Self concept, mental diet, states, it’s all connected, they all lead to the same destination, you. Neville uses these terms interchangeably, to get his point across in the best way he sees fit at that moment, but he’s always talking about the same thing. So bottomline is that if you “keep breaking”, then you’re still in the process of change, you’re going from one state to the other, from unwanted to wanted. Back and forth. You’re still falling for the illusion of the 3d world and you’re still feeling the pull of your old story. You need to take a stand and decide that enough is enough. No longer accept what you don’t want. You’re the only one making the choice here. No one is forcing you to stay in the unwanted mindset but your own habits and comfort zone.

I don’t even know what affirmations to use to combat my limiting beliefs. Tbh I’m tired. I keep failing and failing because I affirm and persist but I affirm wrong or I have a limiting belief that hasn’t been uncovered yet.

Look, there’s nothing to combat here. There’s no war going on. It’s all just you. You don’t have any blocks or limiting beliefs you need to overpower. This isn’t a good perspective to hold. You ARE the power. I fought these types of statements for a long time but I can understand it now. You need to stop focusing on limiting beliefs or blocks. Stop thinking AND believing that you have problems that are getting in your way and that you need to overcome them. By holding this perspective, you’re only going to create more problems to overcome. Remember what I’ve been saying that you’re in the end now? Are there any blocks in the end? When the wish is fulfilled? I don’t think so and neither do you! I want you to take the challenge to declare to yourself that you no longer have any limitations. It’s all gone! You’re free now! I want you to wake up everyday and before you get out of bed, you remind yourself that hey, all that stuff is gone now! Nothing to worry about anymore! How good is that?!

I feel like if someone explained to me how this works and how to do it with no mistakes and how to keep faith in the unseen, I could actually get what I want.

You keep the faith in the unseen by believing and trusting in yourself. If you accept that you can do anything, that you deserve what you want, that you are the operant power and that everything is coming FROM you, then you know all you need is yourself. Idk it truly is a leap of faith, you need to make a choice. Do you want to live by what is outside of you, or by what’s within you? If you accept the law as true, then you have no choice but to start living by what’s within you. If you’re still sitting there thinking that your world is ruled by the circumstances outside of you then you don’t believe a tiny bit in any of this stuff. You’re truly wasting your time if you hold that perspective in place.

Okay I hope this whole essay I spent hours on helps! Now let’s get you those recs!

You can read most if not all of Neville's work for free here: https://realneville.com/

These are my current favorite Neville Based Teachers:

I am Love / Feeling Twisty (he's also on apple podcasts and spotify I believe)

Here's my own personal playlist of Neville based videos on youtube

There's a LOT of good stuff on reddit tbh, here's pretty much everything I have saved from there:

(ps.: it's good to check the comments on reddit posts because there's usually discussions happening and you can find some good pointers)

EdwardArtSupplyHands Series / Quote

ALLISMIND:

Feelings are your power

How thoughts and beliefs become reality

Overthinking

Superman's way of life

Thinking positive

Living from the Law

There's no reality

You don't believe in the Law

Nothing will change your mind

(ps.: he has A LOT of content, these are just the few I looked into)

Other posts:

Change your mind

It's Real. Success Story

Decide what you want

Self concept and personality

Self concept and self love

Letting go of control

Don't rationalize it

The state of the wish fulfilled

Checkmate 3D

Planting the seeds

Don't react

Faith and Knowledge

Slacker Manifesting

Persistence assumption

Don't complicate it

All you need is reassurance

Brazen Impudence

Manifesting is easy

Practical guide

Why circumstances don't matter

Commit to your desire

Ignore the Outside

Clarifying the Law for beginners

(ps.: These aren't 100% accurate tittles, just based on the actual tittles)

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML Fic: Soulmate Survey Part 37

Shout out to @asongeverlasting for beta reading for me and making sure I actually got this out.

Check her writing out on AO3 as Ramblingwren

(Master post)

(Read the fic in a more condensed on Ao3)

(The latest chapter will be up on there once this reaches over 300 notes on tumblr)

_____________________________________________________________

Simularé looked out over the city from the top of the school.  Using her replicated powers, she took the form of Volpina so they'd be able to alter the illusion quickly should something pop out and accidentally reveal the true form of the school. Thankfully the sentimonster didn’t need to do much in order to maintain the illusion; Paris was a surprisingly quiet city.

As far as they could tell, no one in the city outside of the school had any idea what was going on. And that worked out perfectly for them.

“So, this is where Lila has you stationed,” a voice called out, resulting in the faux fox turning around. The figure behind them was a woman clad in dark blue, with blue skin and a feathery fan. She looked confident and the sentimonster instinctively felt that this individual was very much aware of what it was.

Mayura had quickly deduced it was the sentimonster as it was in Lila’s previous akuma form, Volpina. With Lila now Masquerade, it was unlikely she would choose to take such a form. She would likely want to stay in her new form to show it off.

“Do not be alarmed, Simularé, it is your creator. Mayura,” Mayura spoke again.

The shapeshifter leveled a sharp glare at the woman. What made her so certain of that?

“How do I know that is true?” Simularé questioned.

The villainess took a moment to examine the sentimonster. Mayura had to admit that this sentimonster was her finest work to date. The amount of emotion harnessed from Lila to create it made it far more unique, much less of a mindless creature than her previous creations. Amoks were created much like akuma were, locking on to intense emotions before sending off. But unlike akuma, amok can be shaped and tailored with enough focus. Simularé was a special case, as it was made from the conclave of emotions that Lila was experiencing during her breakdown. It had been quite difficult to focus on one specific feeling but Mayura had pushed through. Simularé was sculpted to be Lila’s ideal ally, but it was also so much more than a simple asset. This Amok embodied Lila’s core personality. Her cleverness, her cunning, her mistrust of others, her playfulness, her pride and so much more. To put it simply, this Sentimonster was Lila’s spirit given a new form.

“Trust me Simularé, you would be best not to ask that,” Mayura warned.

The sentimonster felt as if it was being talked down to and clearly did not approve of anyone talking to them in such a tone, save for its master. It charged at the peacock villainess, ready to make contact, But, before it could get close, Mayura stuck out her hand and pinched her fingers together, causing the sentimonster to feel as if some force was pulling its essence out. The pain it felt was indescribable! It felt as if its very being was being ripped out. Mayura was in range to sense the Amok and could easily remove it without difficulty, much like Hawkmoth could with an akuma. Though Mayura had a feeling that letting the Sentimonster know that keeping her out of range of the item was the key to its survival would not be wise. It was best in this moment to display power.

“Stop! Please!” Simularé begged. “I … I believe you! I will do whatever you ask, just please stop the pain!”

The villainess smiled, it seemed there was even more to this Sentimonster than Mayura had anticipated. It had a powerful sense of self preservation, something controlled sentimonsters didn’t seem to have. She took note of that.

“Good. Now, you are going to explain to me your master’s end goal and where Ladybug and Chat Noir are in the building.”

Simularé felt the grip that Mayura had on its essence and held back its burning resentment towards the blue bird villainess. She would behave. For now.

“Okay… I will tell you everything.”

_____________________________________________________________

“Duck!” Ladyice called out as she had Ice Noir lower their bodies to avoid oncoming ice projectiles.

“Surprising that she's only attacking us with ice. She's Stormy weather. You'd think she would be attacking with more, maybe some rain or like a vol....” Ice Noir commented.

“Don't talk about that! Do not give her any ideas!”

The two had skated out of the room and made their way through the now icy hallway while Stormy Weather gave chase.

“I was just saying it seems weird how...mediocre her attacks are.

“It’s like we saw before, the akuma servants are like robots, they can’t react quickly so changing up her powers is likely just as much of a problem. She's probably not as dangerous as we initially thought.”

“So maybe we should face this problem head on now that we aren’t cornered?”

Ice Noir changed direction and began skating towards the umbrella-wielding akuma.

Stormy Weather noticed the approaching cat and raised her umbrella, creating a mighty gale to blow him back and ending him flying past Ladyice to the end of the hallway.

“She can use her other powers… can confirm,” Ice noir commented as he got off the wall, still dazed.

Ladyice skated up to the dazed cat and helped stabilize him. Despite seeming like a wasted effort, the cat’s brash antics actually inspired Ladyice with a way to take her out.

“I just figured out how we can stop her, think you can give her one last charge for me?”

“Why Bugaboo, asking me to rush headfirst into danger? How heartless.” He feigned hurt.

Ladybug rolled her eyes.

“Silly Kitty. Just be ready to hang in there when she blasts you with wind. Don’t get blown back this time.”

“Got it.”

Ice Noir quickly skated across the ice as he drew his weapon. He was ready for her this time.

“Hey breezy weezy! The weather today was supposed to be sunny with a 20% chance of raining Cats and Dogs!” Ice Noir called out, clearly happy with his lame joke.

Stormy Weather saw the cat approaching once again and prepared to send another wind blast at him.

But the cat was prepared this time around and extended his staff to anchor himself to the walls on either side.

“Nice try!” Ice Noir snarked. “But a small little puff of wind won't blow me back again.”

The storm akuma decided instead of creating just another wind blast, she was going to step it up with a cyclone attack! A powerful tornado tunnel would surely blast the cat down for good.

“We were wrong! She can amp up the power too!” Ice Noir exclaimed as he held onto his staff with all his might while his body was being blown back by the massive winds. “This was not well thought out!”

He focused on digging his claws into his staff and doing his best to remain in the wind tunnel. The powerful winds blew into his face and he could see Stormy Weather slowly approaching.

“I don’t think I can hold on much longer, Ladyice!”

He felt his grip slipping. Any second now, he was going to get blown back.

“Don’t worry, Kitty. I got this.”

Stormy Weather didn’t get a chance to react when she felt something tackle her full force and rush her into the wall on the opposite end of the hallway.

The wind died down and Ice Noir was able to land on his skates. He released his grip on his staff and fixed his windblown hair to resemble its original state before quickly skating down the hall to help his partner.

“Nice job, Ladyice.”

The red-clad heroine stood up from her grapple with the storm akuma.

“Actually…”

Ice Noir looked up to see that his partner had shifted power ups. Her skates and ice skater aesthetic were replaced with a suit that had red spacesuit-like plating, a jetpack with retractable wings with red and light blue colors that matches her helmet.

She had changed into her space form, Cosmobug.

“Space power up! Because you can fly through the wind! Genius!”

Cosmobug smiled.

“Well, Stormy Weather is dazed but probably not for long.”

The two heroes noticed her about to grab her umbrella, but Chat Noir’s cat-like reflexes helped him snatch it first.

“Oh no you don’t!”

Ice Noir broke the umbrella over his knee.

“I don’t think she will be as mobile without her powers.”

Stormy Weather tried to stand but slipped on the icy floor she had created.

“Let’s just make our way to the boss,” Cosmobug said. She used the jet on her back to swoop up Ice Noir and fly slowly down the icy hall.

“Just like you to sweep me off my feet. But don’t think I will be a smitten kitten like usual.”

“Oh? Is that so?” The bug heroine raised an eyebrow. “It’s hard to imagine that you haven’t been dreaming about this scenario.”

“It helps that you aren’t riding a horse with the wind blowing in your hair,” Chat Noir joked back, catching Ladybug’s teasing.

Cosmobug quickly moved them to a part of the hall where there was no ice. Both undid their potion transformations, reverting back to their usual hero forms.

“Not keeping the jetpack?” Chat Noir asked. “It is really cool.”

“The room halls are pretty limited, and there's not much mobility, otherwise I might have,” Ladybug confessed.

The two heroes took a moment to catch their breaths and figure out their surroundings.

“We should thank Stormy Weather.”

The cat looked at his partner skeptically, remembering how a few minutes ago, the wind had nearly sent him flying through a brick wall.

“What makes you say that?”

“Lila probably had Stormy Weather out and about to flush out other people in the school and make sure the area was difficult to traverse. She likely sent out a bunch of other akuma to do the same, which means her forces are scattered and we have a better shot of dealing with her with fewer obstacles.”

Chat Noir nodded. He would not have deduced such a thing from one encounter with a weather akuma.

“Good to know, so the plan is to locate her and save the day.”

“No need to figure out where she is, I already have a good idea where she should be.”

Chat Noir noticed Ladybug had already started moving. He quickly followed behind, though he didn’t need an explanation this time. He already knew where Ladybug was heading — to his homeroom class, but he couldn’t say that without revealing what he knew.

_____________________________________________________________

‘This was a ridiculous decision.’

That was the thought running through Chloé’s mind as she ran for her life from a large group of Reflekta clones.

The two or three she had run into early were easy to avoid, but now it seemed like a horde of those tacky clones. And all of the ice that surrounded certain hallways made it impossible to traverse. She was limited in her running space and she was running out. But what made it all worse was that now those Reflekta copies had adjusted to running.

“HOW CAN YOU RUN IN THOSE HEELS!?” Chloé screamed as she ran down the hall.

She just had to try and be a hero. Why was she even doing this? The assistant probably got turned into one of those gross clones or got masked like those other students. She could have just sat back and just waited for Ladybug and Chat noir to find her or let them handle it.

“You can’t run forever” The crowd of clones sang in Rather impressive and creepy harmony.

Chloé took a turn down the hall and went into the door of the nearest room.

She closed the door and locked it before smelling the musty wet air.

“What the… EWW!” She spat in disgust as she realized she had locked herself in a janitor’s closet.

“Why did it have to be in such a gross smelly room?” she moaned.

Unfortunately, her comments caught the attention of the crowd chasing her.

She heard banging on the door.

“You can’t hide, we will find.”

Chloe put her back to the door to keep them out and felt herself slide down it in despair.

Was this how it was going to end? Getting turned into one of those fashion nightmares after hiding out in such a rank smelling closet? She didn’t even save… wait. She did save someone. She saved that old man. It hadn't been glamorous, but she did manage to save at least one person.

“I guess I did do something good after all. May not have been exceptional… but it was something.” Chloé smiled for a brief moment.

She took a moment to look at the positives, Ladybug and Chat Noir would likely come in and save the day, plus there were those other two heroes. Perhaps that would be enough. But she had to admit, finding solace in that was getting harder to do when the smell of the closet was destroying her nostrils. Just then, she remembered she had some nice perfume in her bag that she could spray to alleviate the smell.

“Well, at least I won’t smell awful when they capture me.”

She put her hand in her bag and felt around for her perfume. As she searched, she felt an unfamiliar object in her designer handbag. She pulled it out.

“What is this?”

She noticed a note on top of it. It was a bit dark to read so she pulled out her phone and turned on her flashlight.

“Return to Ladybug after mission?”

Chloé’s eyes went wide. Could this be what she thought it was? How was it possible? She didn’t have time to question it.

She opened the box and out came a floating bee creature, who Chloé recognized right away. It was real.

“Pollen!” Chloé exclaimed with cheer.

“It has been a while, my queen.” the bee kwami said.

Chloé would have loved to revel in this moment more but she knew that door was going to burst open any minute. She needed to be the bee heroine.

“As much as I would love to talk more, we need to hurry. We have some akuma clones that need bashing.”

“Right away, my queen!”

Chloe put the bee miraculous in her hair.

“Pollen, Buzz on!”

_____________________________________________________________

“It is a good thing there are so many copies,” Ryuuko stated as she leaped over a few Reflekta copies.

Viperion swerved and dodged the replicas of his sister’s akumatized form while avoiding getting caught in the bubbles that froze them and floated them up in the air.

Deadzone had been doing a lot of friendly fire thanks to its single minded obsession.

“After this, I really hope I never have to see my sister take this form again,” Viperion commented.

“Right, Adrien mentioned that you were Juleka’s brother. Older brother, right?”

“Older twin brother. But yes.”

“Really? You seem older.”

“I am a grade ahead of her, but we are the same age,” he explained.

“Could have sworn you were at least a year or two older.”

“A lot of people think the same thing. Even my mom forgets, sometimes. Rose, my sister’s girlfriend, says I radiate ‘big brother energy’ or something.”

“You learn something new.”

“What about you? Any siblings?”

“Sadly no. I was an only child.”

“Too bad, I think you would have made a great older sister,” Viperion encouraged

“A snake charmer, are we?”

“Well I am the snake, and I am not charming myself, so I think the more correct term would be dragon charmer.”

“Change that to fun killer because you killed my fun right there.”

Before Viperion could retort, they had made their way down to the end of the hall and noticed that it was frozen off.

“Dead end,” they say at the same time.

“No, Deadzone.”

The two turn to see the deadly akuma amalgamation pointing its blaster at them.

The two heroes looked at the deadly akuma.

“Any ideas?” Ryuuko questioned.

“Just one.”

Viperion moved his hand to his bracelet.

“Second chance!” Viperion activated his power.

“Now we have some options.” Viperion explained.

The akuma fired a bubble blast at Ryuuko, and she was frozen.

“Second chance!”

Things reset to how they were a few seconds before. Viperion grabbed Ryuuko and pulled her out of the way of the oncoming bubble blast.

“Thanks. For a minute there, I thought that thing had me.”

“It did, but I used my power to stop that. we still have to get out of here.”

“Look out!”

Ryuuko got hit with another bubble as they got up, protecting him from an attack.

“This might take a few attempts…”

_____________________________________________________________

Hawkmoth paced inside his lair.

Mayura was out there, his son was out there… and things were not going the way he planned. Masquerade seems to be building a base for herself and was more concerned with that than getting the miraculous. Adrien is MIA, and Mayura isn’t responding.

“I might need to step in. But there is a lot of risk in this. Far too many variables that I can't account for”

Hawkmoth never liked leaving his lair. It had too many risks to it. After Heroes' Day, he had nearly been exposed. And after that fiasco in Shanghai he didn’t want to risk getting taken out by his own akuma. He had already taken plenty of risks that had blown up in his face. Would this be another one of those times he would need to risk his miraculous?

“But it could also be just what is needed to beat Ladybug and Chat Noir once and for all.”

With an akuma this powerful, the two would likely have to use their special powers multiple times. If he can just locate them and wait for them to do so, he could potentially gain the advantage. Maybe Mayura was on to something with her actions.

Hawkmoth walked to the window.

“There will be a right time. I just need to wait for it.”

He felt an itch in the back of his neck. He wasn’t sure what it was but he could tell one thing, something big was going to go down, and he needed to figure out the right call soon or it could cost him dearly.

_____________________________________________________________

“…And that’s her plan.” Simularé finished. “As for Ladybug and Chat Noir… I am unsure. I lost track of them before I was given a new assignment. But they are in the building and they have not tried to leave.”

Mayura smiled at the information. While it was quite unfortunate that she didn’t have the exact location of the two heroes, it was good to know that they were still in the building, and Lila’s plan was certainly something interesting.

“Indeed, that is quite a clever plan. Ensuring everyone in the school couldn’t escape was pretty smart. You likely had a few escapes anyway, with how clumsy some of the akuma were. You are fortunate that neither one was Ladybug or Chat Noir. Still, though, it isn’t your master’s fault for that. They are basically mindless puppets. But then again, it seems that there might be zero escapes since there seems to be no new reports on the subject of a school takeover.”

Simularé let the peacock villainess muse, analyzing her movements as if trying to figure out any advantage it could handle.

“So, the next step now that all communications are cut is to send out a message that Ladybug and Chat Noir have already been defeated, so as to cause massive despair in order to create even more minions. Sounds a bit derivative, don’t you think?” Mayura mused.

Simularé said nothing. It held its tongue. Deep down, it knew that starting any dispute with this peacock was not wise. Especially given that crazy power she had over their being.

“Still, it is quite a plan. And with all those extra akuma recruited and Ladybug and Chat noir cut off from their guardian, they wouldn’t be able to get any sort of back up. They wouldn’t be able to put up much of a fight before all of Paris is under Masquerade’s thumb. I approve of the plan.”

“I am glad you do,” Simularé stated with a forced smile.

Their conversation was cut short when an akuma appeared. Seeing one it did not recognize, the artist akuma prepared to fight. But thankfully the shapeshifting sentimonster stepped in.

“Stand down Evillustrator, this one is not our enemy,” Simularé ordered.

Evillustrator eased and walked over.

“Masquerade has ordered that we start reinforcing the building. She wants this place to be like a fortress,” he parroted.

Mayura looked at the artist.

A fortress? Yes, Simularé mentioned that Masquerade wanted to reinforce the school so that she could ensure Ladybug and ChatNoir would have less chance of escape.

Simularé nodded at the akuma servant.

“Alright, so she wants us to drop the illusion, then?”

“She wants the place to be like a fortress.”

“Go ahead and start,” Simularé motioned. She figured that her master likely didn’t care about the illusion much as she was prepared for stage two. But she would maintain it for a bit.

The akuma moved to the end of the roof and begins working to reinforce the walls

Mayura began moving to the door of the roof to get back down into the school.

“Tell your boss I will be heading to her, and she best be welcoming,” Mayura ordered.

“As you command,” Simularé replied, hiding a large amount of anger and resentment towards the blue bird.

As soon as the blue peacock is out of sight.

Simularé contacts its master.

“Simularé, what is going on? Did Evilustrator reach you?”

“Yes. He is working to make this place a fortress. You want me to maintain the illusion, right?”

“I am about to go public shortly. After I make the announcement. Drop the illusion and make sure this place is a full-on fortress. After that is done, report back to me.

“Yes master. By the way, I had an idea.”

“Oh?”

Simularé smiled sinisterly. She was going to show Peacock why she was sorely mistaken.

“I will report the details to you shortly.”

_____________________________________________________________

“Everything is set up,” Robostus noted.

“Excellent. Let’s do it now.”

The Reflekta camera crew was all set, and Gamer had set it up so the moment they went live, every screen in Paris would show Masquerade.

Masquerade got off her call with Simularé. Something seemed a bit off with her sentimonster but she was intrigued that she had a plan.

“We are live in 5….4…3….2…” the gamer stated before pressing the go live button.

Masquerade smiled.

“Good afternoon, citizens of Paris. You may not know who I am, but don’t worry! You will be very familiar with me very soon. I am Masquerade, and I have decided to make Paris my personal kingdom.”

She paused to let that sink in.

“Now you are likely very alarmed by this declaration and that is normal. It will only be a matter of time before I spread my influence to everyone in Paris.”

She paused to let her words hang in the air before continuing.

“Do not be afraid, I am no monster. I plan on being a fair leader. All I ask is for your undying admiration and absolute loyalty. After that, you are free to live your lives as you normally would. Do not resist and you will have no problems. However, if you do… well, I can’t guarantee your safety.”

Masquerade took a calm breath before finishing.

“This last message goes out to the heroes of Paris, Ladybug and Chat Noir. I know you are here, I know you believe you will stop me, and I know you have allies here. But you will fall to me. Your days of superheroing have come to an end, your miraculous will be taken from you, and I will expose you as the failures you are,” Masquerade finished with venom.

She ended the transmission.

“Now make sure that it is being looped,” she ordered.

“Already is,” Gamer confirmed. “And panic is starting to rise.”

Masquerade smiled. Her plan was already working.

It may have seemed like a simple ego boost, but that speech of hers was a crucial part of her plan. Her charm bracelet could hyper focus on anyone that was akumatized in the past and have their biggest insecurities exposed. But that one by one process took far too long, if the hope of the entire populace of Paris was already demoralized. Then all she needed to do was send out her masks and let them take hold. And all she needed to do was go out there and send the masks.

She could already feel massive amounts of negative emotion from outside of the school. As soon as she headed out of the school, she could easily go and get more akuma soldiers. She could feel her bracelet trembling with all the potential additions.

She was prepared to leave, activating one of the charms to give her black angel wings, but something she remembered caused her to stop.

“Simularé I am moving to phase two of my plan. Get down here.”

It only took a few seconds for the sentimonster to jump from the roof and knock on the window.

One for the Reflekta copies opened the large window to let in what appeared to be Dark Cupid, before it shifted into the phantasm form that was its base.

“Right on cue. So, what is this plan you wanted to suggest?” Masquerade inquired. “And be sure it is not a waste of my time.”

“What if I told you I could get you a Miraculous?”

The sentimonster could feel that Masquerade was very pleased with that idea.

_____________________________________________________________

37 attempts.

It took thirty-seven resets before Viperion figured out what they needed to do.

“Ryuuko, follow my directions exactly,” Viperion instructed. “I know how to win.”

He quickly pulled her towards him to make sure she dodged the first bubble.

The akuma was surprised by the avoidance.

Viperion smiled.

“Your next line is, ‘How did you know I was going to blast at her?'” Viperion stated confidently.

“How did you know I was going to blast at her?” Deadzone parroted in shock before realizing they had said exactly what Viperion had said they would say.

The dragon heroine looked at the determined expression of the snake. She could see experience and certainty in his posture. All her years of fencing taught Kagami the art of reading body language, and the hero in front of her was someone that exuded an aura of confidence. She knew she could trust him.

“Alright, Sassy Snake, I will let you take the reins.” Ryuuko responded.

“Jump to the left in 2 seconds and start running.”

Ryuuko followed the instructions and sure enough avoided yet another bubble attack from Deadzone.

“Head to their left and bounce off the locker at the end.”

Ryuuko dashed past the akuma and jumped as Viperion instructed, perfectly avoiding the barrage of blasts sent her way. Viperion had perfectly mirrored her motion as he explained the next steps.

“Now somersault twice and draw your sword.”

Ryuuko somersaulted as Viperion leaped over her and the dragon turned to draw her sword, now on the other side of the hall.

“Now as soon as it fires a bubble at you, activate your wind! No matter what! I believe in you Ryuuko.”

The last words seemed a bit strange to the fencer. What did he mean by that?

“Will you shut up!?” Deadzone shouted before sending a bubble at Viperion.

“For my final glimpse into the future, you will say, ‘Not so tough now are ya?'”

The bubble contacted Viperion.

“Viperion!” Ryuuko cried out.

The bubble enveloped the snake and floated to the ceiling, taking his frozen form along with it.

“No…” Ryuuko muttered. She looked down in sorrow.

I failed to protect him. He ended up protecting me. He had been backing me up to make sure I wouldn’t do anything reckless.

Ryuuko felt her mind flashback to a few days ago which now seemed almost like it happened a year ago. They had made such a good team back then and now… they get a chance to be heroes again and she couldn’t cover him like he did her.

“Ha, not so tough now are ya?” Deadzone stated with confidence.

Ryuuko’s ears perked up at the statement. That was the line Viperion predicted they would say. That means… Viperion knew this would happen! Which meant his previous statement was to show he planned this. She knew what to do.

Deadzone turned its attention to Ryuuko.

“Don’t worry, you will join him shortly.”

Deadzone fired another bubble right at her, but this time Ryuuko wasn’t moving. She was at the perfect distance to do what she needed to do.

Ryuuko smiled.

“Wind dragon!”

The dragon-themed heroine turned into a cloud and blew the bubble right back at the akuma.

“What!”

The bubble encapsulated the akuma, causing it to freeze in place and then float to the ceiling.

Ryuuko returned to her original form and smiled, seeing how they had finally incapacitated the akuma.

“We did it, Viperion. We took them down. I'm sorry it cost you so much… I won't let you down!”

She raised her blade, upon realizing that her partner was indeed trapped in a bubble.

“Wait a minute…”

Ryuuko walked underneath Viperion’s bubble. She wasn’t entirely sure if this would work, since akuma magic was weird and often unpredictable, but it would make a lot of sense if it did.

“It is a bubble, so this should work right?” Ryuuko questioned as she used the tip of her sword to touch the bubble. She pushed it forward a bit causing the bubble to pop.

Her partner dropped to the floor.

“Ugh… my head.”

“You’re okay!”

Ryuuko hugged her friend, but then realized her sudden action and quickly jumped back up. A bit flustered, she could swear Marinette was rubbing off on her.

“I am glad you are alright, friend. You had me concerned — slightly,” Ryuuko corrected herself.

Viperion was surprised by the quick motions but managed to steady himself.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course. But make it quick, we will need to get a move on.”

“Okay… Who am I?”

Ryuuko froze at the question. She could see the confusion on his face. He was completely serious.

“Oh… that is not good at all.”

_____________________________________________________________

Masquerade is on phase two of her plan and Simularé is starting to make waves.

Who will get to the akuma first, Mayura or our heroes.

What will happen to Viperion now that his memory is gone?

Will Queen bee be the right choice?

Reblog and Comment . Your support is invaluable in keeping this fic alive. And I love hearing your thoughts on it

[celeste-clearwater-06]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write something about how the Fellowship (+ Thorin?) Would help a s/o who's Disabled and Chronically ill. Like she has a lot of symptoms like chronic pain, chronic fatigue, difficulty sleeping, difficulty breathing at times, difficulty walking at times, higher sensitivity to the cold, difficulty talking at times, and anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction?

I've been really struggling with my chronic illnesses lately, namely my Autism, Anxiety, Sleep Apnea, a really bad Overbite, Raynaud's Syndrome, Asthma, etc, so I'd really appreciate an Imagine like this. I have a really weird disorder where one of my legs is longer than the other, and it's been causing me a lot of pain and difficulty walking lately, and people have been bullying me for it a lot too, so I could really use a Comfort Imagine right now. Thanks so much hun!!

It's no problem! I'm glad I can provide some comfort!! For each character, I'll use a specific struggling area, to make it a bit easier!! I hope I got these accurate enough, and of there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out!! You are strong, beautiful and so, so amazing!! Keep being you!! ❤❤

Help (The Fellowship// Thorin x Fem!Reader)

Aragorn (Autism)

Aragorn has known you for a long time, so helping with your autism is not new for him

He's particularly experienced in reading your emotions and meeting your needs, whether it's helping you out of stressful situations or calming you down, he's there 🥺

If there are large and boisterous gatherings in Rivendell, its almost guaranteed that you can become over-stimulated quickly, and Aragorn immediately senses this (spidey senses õoõ)

He's fast to find your hand and give it a gentle squeeze of reassurance

If that doesn't seem to help, he'll instantly stop what he's doing and take you out of the room

If you're someone who prefers lots of space and little physical contact, he is 100% respectful of this and asks if you'll let him touch or hug you (very much gentleman 😌)

If ever you're confronted by someone of importance, Aragorn is right by your side to ease some of the tension

Sometimes there are things you find difficult to say or get out of your system

The king seems to know exactly what it is and will help you out by saying it or asking you simple questions that you can easily answer

And he always reminds you, no matter WHAT

YOU ARE NOT STUPID 😤😡

You may struggle with some parts of your life, but every day, he's constantly telling you that you're very intelligent and kind

His patience is unending and he'll never let you think down on yourself

Overall, Aragorn is always someone and reminding you that it's all going to be okay ❤❤

Legolas (Anxiety)

Most nights, Legolas keeps watch (since elves don't require much sleep) and notices that you jolt awake out of the random

Now, most of the Fellowship notices that you're usually awake and ready to go before anyone else

But Legolas is really the one to address you first

You were a bit nervous to explain, since you didn't want to worry him or the great of the fellowship, amount the other disadvantages you have

He gently encouraged you, and finally, you explained to him your sleep apnea

Yeah, he was very concerned

I mean, his blue eyes widened with terror when you told him that you could basically die in your sleep if you weren't attentive enough 🙃

Legolas, from now on, sleeps directly next to you, or keeps extra careful watch over you at night

Because he could NEVER see his precious mortal friend become injured... Or worse 🥺🥺❤

The other members had noticed a change in his behaviors towards you as well...

Gimli teased him whenever he caught Legolas giving you some extra lembas bread or offered to carry you 👉👈

You really tried to assure Legolas that it wasn't a big deal when you were awake, since you're aware of your breathing situation

But still 😤

Legolas will always bring you comfort and take great care of you, and that will NEVER CHANGE

Because he loves you very much ❤🦋

Frodo (Anxiety)

Frodo is familiar with the feeling of great anxiety, seeing he had a stress-free life while living in the Shire and suddenly was forced to carry a piece of jewelry all the way to giant ass volcano

It's easy for you two to comfort each other and seek refuge in thoughts and feelings ❤

He's not super comfortable with the thought of you having a panic attack though...

Only because he's never had one

It starts to give him a panic attack whenever you have one around him the first time 😳-

Any time you begin to breathe heavy or hyperventilate, halfling boy is hot at your heels, rubbing your back and reminding you to breathe gently

(So many hugs, if you're up for it)

After you calm down, he's constantly checking on you, asking if you need anything etc.

Really, he just wants to know if he can help 🥺

And even with the weight and stress of carrying the ring, Frodo manages to cheer you up somehow

Samwise (Asthma)

Sam has never had to deal with asthma once in his life

He's very nervous when the subject is brought, afraid it might trigger something inside of you 🥺👉👈

But you just chuckle, assure him that it's alright, and you have ways of keeping it under control

And now, he wants to know everything about it, just to have the awareness in case something happens

Sam just wants to protect you forever, and this was a great way for him to start

He constantly reminds Aragorn that you'll need breathing breaks and will convince Gandalf to let you ride on his horse

He'll scold Pip and Merry if they are trying to drag you around and be silly, because as he says

"You'll rouse him/her/them up! We can't have Y/N gettin injured!" 🤨😠

Sam is MOM

As always, he's very kind and always makes sure your needs are met ❤🥺

Pippin and Merry (Raynaud's Syndrome)

Very confused halfings 🤔

Also extremely concerned!

You were eating one of the lesser pleasurable nights

It was cold and rainy, and a fire couldn't be started, not to mention the quiet arguments of Aragorn and Gandalf in the nearby woods

And Pip's eyes widened when he saw the tips of your petite fingers begin to pale upon hearing Aragorn mention Orcs

"What's wrong with your hands?!" He squeaked, pointing towards your now white-colored fingertips

You hadn't even noticed, nor felt, considering they were numb anyways

Merry looked over his cousin's shoulder and his eyes also widened, not with fright, but wonder

They were both fascinated with your condition, convinced that you were casting some spell Gandalf showed you

Although you reassured them it was just an extremely frustrating inconvenience that you had, among other things

So from then on, the disastrobus duo did their best to keep you out of the cold (and stressful situations!!)

As a distraction, the pair will tell you great stories of the shire, doing little dances and skits that always cheer you up 🥴

Sometimes, they can be a little rambunctious though...

Merry will pick up on this fact quickly, and nudge Pippin to get him to calm down

Even though it may not feel the best

They find your syndrome absolutely fascinating!! 🤔🤔

All in all, these two are always up for keeping your beautiful smile on your face and your spirits high!! ❤🌺

Boromir (Depression)

Throughout the journey, Boromir has always found an easy way to make you smile

After all, he himself has a fascinating way of brightening anyone's spirits

Yours included ❤

Boromir may not have great stories from The Shire, like Pip and Merry, but he sure has a lot of positive things to say

He'll often suggest sparring with the two troublemaking halflings, just so you can see him goof up and get knocked over 🥺

If the nights become cold and weary, he'll give you a warm hug or a nudge on the shoulder

And a few words of helpful encouragement along the lines of;

"Don't fret Y/N. You have more strength than you'll ever know."

"Let our spirits never dampen! We've come this far!" 😊

He's also an incredible listener

Boromir wants to hear what you have to say if you ever need to rant or get something off of your chest

And don't think for a second that he would ever judge you 😤

Son of Gondor sees past all of your insecurities and knows you for your beautiful, amazing self ❤❤

Gimli (Walking disadvantages)

As you travel across great plains and mountains, your limp doesn't go unnoticed by Gimli

It may take him a while to open up about it, since he's afraid he might offend you in some way

And once he asks you, you inform him that it's a difficulty that unfortunately cannot be changed any time soon

And where you come from, lots of people tease and bully you about it

He did NOT handle it well 😳

"wHAT BLUBBERING DULL-MINDED PIGNUTS-" 🤬

Although this Dwarf is short and a bit slow at times

He's fascinatingly strong 😳

And so, he makes it his duty to be your designated carrier 🥺

At first, your a tad skeptical...

I mean, he's only around 4 feet tall...

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIM THROW THAT HUGE AX AROUND?!

Gimli will happily carry you great distances when you need a break, and even longer

(Sometimes it's just to show off around the others-)

"Gimli, are you sure you don't want a break?"

"Aye lass! The strength of Dwarves is unending!" 😌

*struggling to breathe*

11/10, fantastic dwarf, will never let you down!!

Thorin (Executive Dysfunction)

Another Dwarf??

Absolutely

Thorin himself has trouble keeping composure with his time management (and sense of direction 🙄)

This means that he'll have an undying amount of patience for you and you only

There's just something about you that he fond of, and it fills in that little sassy, brooding place in his heart

Can also relate to you whenever you grow frustrated at the setback of your journey or lack of sleep

Is 100% willing to help you find your lost belongings (and once again, ONLY YOU)

Thorin will literally make the whole traveling party stop so that you can put something in your bag and make sure that you put it somewhere you'll remember

Always happy to give you extra gentle reminders of keeping your pack closed

The company is utterly SHOCKED with how he treats you

I mean, this man has always been extremely stubborn and hard headed

But when you show up, it's another person he can easily relate and share frustrations with

Also a master at organization?!? 🤔

The one thing he could do successfully was organizing the damn journey and traveling company, so ofc he's gonna be good at that 😂

Yeah, Thorin definitely has a soft spot for you

King under the mountain will never run out of patience and kindness for you 😌💙

Sorry these took so long!! I hope you like them!! ❤❤

[crystalsenergy]

how to improve Saturn placements? - evolving our personality #1

the purpose of this text is to bring a possibility to improve negative points in us from other positions [which you may or may not have in your natal chart]. sometimes the potential for improvement is already outlined as a trend inside yourself. other times the potential will need to be created. but as long as you assume that you need to improve, you are already taking the first step.

I'm going to put positions according to this post here about the shadows of our personality, leaving from the assumption that what brings us more suffering may be precisely in these positions cited in the post.

SATURN PLACEMENTS

Saturn in Aries / Saturn in 1st house -> Jupiter in 1st house

in other words, you need to learn to have more self-confidence, a dose of trusting yourself more easily, being less afraid of starting things, getting to know something new, or picking up on something you've already started. you need more willpower, to notice more positive things about yourself. it's also important to note that you may have a tendency to be more closed in admitting your problems. the construction of awareness about your individuality needs to take place. you must be optimistic and less pessimistic about yourself and your potential.

Saturn in Taurus / Saturn in 2nd house -> Venus in 2nd house / Venus in Taurus

Saturn in Taurus or in the 2nd house brings the problem of lack of self-worth, of not being able to feel good enough for some situations. there may be a certain pessimism (not as strong as that of Saturn in the 9th house), but a "certainty" that things won't work out in the area of ​​finance and love. it may be that ppl feel bad about they value to someone, it may be that they have trouble finding satisfaction in things, they may have difficulty feeling loved enough and/or supplied by the things around them. thus, those who have this placement need to notice patterns in themselves of not valuing themselves, not feeling good enough for a specific goal or person. self-worth in the sense of beauty, aesthetics and value seen by others is something to be worked on, primarily from the inside. taking as an example Venus in Taurus, excellent position to notice where you need to improve, it is important that you see your value, know how to relax, enjoy small pleasures in life, learn to invest in yourself, see the value of money and your efforts, and always continue to be persistent.

Saturn in Gemini / Saturn in 3rd house -> Mercury in Gemini / Mars in 3rd house

considering what a native with Saturn in Gemini or in the 3rd house tends to feel, it's important that these people learn to incorporate some points, which necessarily need to include: self-confidence in speech and ability to express themselves without censorship. this can be helped especially by Mercury in Gemini and Mars in the 3rd house (or also Mars in Gemini). It's important that you understand the need to speak what you think, not unthinkingly - which I imagine would be very difficult to happen, knowing this position -, but in a more confident way, even a little impulsive in some situations (emphasizing: some situations). It's important to allow your head to function naturally with regard to your mental processes and thoughts so that you will learn to express yourself without so many internal limitations.

Saturn in Cancer / Saturn in 4th house -> Uranus in 4th house

in other words, you need to develop less emotional dependency. you must be more open about your inner life, and you must learn to develop a healthy dichotomy, not the duality that this placement tends to bring: Saturn in Cancer / in the 4th house brings a tendency to become more emotionally closed, conveying an impression to others that you are very well resolved and live well with almost everything in life. this is a need Saturn gives to people: need for control. but this control may not always be healthy, as it's most often. Saturn tends to create a strong possibility of extreme behaviors, due to the internal fear and rigidity that are generated. the person is constantly closing in, but she/he is extremely vulnerable. however, what must be learned from Uranus in the 4th house is another duality, a little healthier and more advantageous for those who have this position: that of being more open about internal issues, but also not being dependent.

Saturn in Leo / Saturn in 5th house -> Sun in Leo

there is no way for me to talk about improving this Saturn placement without mentioning Sun in Leo. bearing in mind that Saturn in Leo and the 5th house gives a tendency to ppl feel less able to express themselves, less able to show the world their potential, their abilities, or simply appearing, it's important that the opposite is nurtured by the native: it's necessary to understand that yes, you have an individual power, you have potential that can be worked, we all do. you have the capacity to achieve something, to ascend, to lead, if necessary. and it's also necessary to work on the idea of ​​self-esteem and on the construction of a less fragile ego (which exists in a healthy Sun in Leo).

Saturn in Virgo / Saturn in 6th house -> Mars in Virgo, Uranus in 6th house

two things need to be worked on at the same time: discipline and your ability to be less rigid. yes, it's quite dual, almost opposite. but that's what happens with Saturn in Virgo / Saturn in the 6th house, often the natives can't move because of an excessive concern with details, because they think too much about everything, charge themselves even before the task is started, which it brings an air of rigidity and discipline, but it's exactly what keeps them from moving out of place: excess. with regard to the excess rigidity that causes a person to freeze, Uranus in the 6th house can help, given the energy of more unpredictability and independence from patterns and the like. another thing that is also likely to occur with this Saturn placement is procrastination and wasting time on frivolous things, as well as an aura of laziness (which creates tremendous guilt). with regard to this problem, Mars in Virgo (or Mars in the 6th house) can help, as this placement of Mars is pure fuel to be practical, agile, diligent and organized.

Saturn in Libra / Saturn in 7th house -> Venus in Libra, Uranus in 7th house

this position generates in people a dichotomy of being closed to love and emotional situations, but, at the same time, being very dependent on loving relationships, for fear of loss, of being alone. to the point of a person who blocks too much from getting into relationships, Venus in Libra can help by bringing a desire to be with someone in a healthier way, from the idea of ​​sharing something with the other person, of living together and feel good from the company of other. on the other hand, as it's also necessary to take care of the dependency issue, Uranus in the 7th house is very useful, so that the person doesn't have an extreme need for the other to the point of getting lost in the middle of it and not being able to go out anymore. It's important to be open to love, but always understanding that a little independence, valuing the individuality of the other, can also be good.

Saturn in Scorpio / Saturn in 8th house -> Mars in Scorpio, Uranus in 8th house

these Saturn placements bring a great fear of change, an aversion to being psychologically open. here, there is a person who seems impenetrable because he/she hides his/her fears, traumas and problems. these people don't like to break taboos. for being somewhat conservative and closed minded to everything that the sign and the house placed means, it's very important that they know the need to be more open to different circumstances of life. it's important to understand that it's part of life: being intimate with others, knowing deeper and even 'dark' sides of yourself, understanding sex as something natural (Mars in Scorpio will help with these things); besides it's also important to understand that it's part of life to have psychological transformations, a greater openness to taboos and to understand human complexity (Uranus in the 8th house will help with this). thus, you'll be able to reach another level in your life.

Saturn in Sagittarius / Saturn in 9th house -> Uranus in 9th house

one of the marks of Saturn in Sagittarius is the issue of redemption to some philosophy or ready-made idea that aims to explain life. here, the native has a great fear of being impacted by the depth of knowledge - depth that marks the uncertainty of life and its ephemerality -, and therefore, the tendency of this native is to hide behind a philosophy or 'certainty' that supports and gives comfort. therefore, people tend to close themselves off and live in a tremendous comfort zone, or rather a bubble, in which only what they have decided to accept as the general premise of their life makes sense. it can also generate a lot of pessimism, a more closed and even prejudiced view of other people. thus, it's more than necessary to understand that life is much more than what you heard in some corner when you were child and that you share within yourself today, there are several truths, but none of them is absolute. and that's the grace of life, knowing more and more, and understanding the value of diversity and the impossibility of being sure of something all the time. open up to other philosophies of life, religion, get out of your comfort zone, question things and your limiting beliefs more. don't cover yourself so much in relation to higher education and have more autonomy when knowing a deeper subject, don't depend on someone for that. all of this can be learned through Uranus in the 9th house.

Saturn in Capricorn / Saturn in 10th house -> Mars in Capricorn

this position of Saturn is one of the least painful that Saturn can bring, however, on the other hand, it can increase in the dose of rigidity and vision totally focused on what is concrete, objective, earthly, forgetting other sides of life. and despite not being one of the worst positions to have on Saturn, it brings many difficulties with regard to career and achieving goals. either because the person feels incapable, having some internal blockage, a mistaken idea of ​​her/himself, of her/his potential, or because during her life the person ends up encountering many barriers to finally ascend professionally. in this situation, it's extremely necessary for the native to use all the energy she/he has in order to put the will and potential out. this is made possible more powerfully by what represents Mars in Capricorn, a placement of great ambition, but which represents the capacity that may be lacking in these placements of Saturn.

Saturn in Aquarius / Saturn in 11th house -> Venus in Aquarius, Uranus in 11th house

one of the things that these positions bring most difficulty to a person is the tendency for them to exclude themselves from others, either for fear of group acceptance, or for not feeling good about being with other people, preferring solitude. this positioning brings a behavior of being more independent, having few friends and being more closed to others. you may also be more closed-minded to try original, new, and surprising things, even if you have the creativity to do so. another problem to be faced is a strong tendency not to trust people. Venus in Aquarius and Uranus in the 11th house help with this because the first placement is more focused on living in a group, making friends, representing a more sociable person, and the second doesn't fail to cultivate people's independence, but still remains open to friendships.

Saturn in Pisces / Saturn in 12th house -> Sun in Pisces, Moon in Pisces

this is a dense, complicated position, which gives people a feeling that they must be completely rigid and closed to their inner life, their inner space, but the more people try to escape, the more they are led to face this side of their personality. this position represents problems with mental health, issues of closing oneself to deeper contacts with people, difficulty with empathy, altruism. the person can be made to think more often about life, and have existential crises. Moon in Pisces and Sun in Pisces can help with these strong sensations as the placements bring greater openness to introspection, which makes the person less tempted to close off from the inner reflections - which will arise!! -, making the person too able to be more selfless and to show her/his compassion and empathy for others more openly.

[maulusque]

Clone genetic enhancement ideas

So the clones were genetically enhanced, but i don’t really see any writers (in fanfic or in published stuff) really exploring what that MEANS beyond “clone very stronk”. Here are some ideas that would actually make clones significantly different from just a regular-ass human in peak condition. 

-enhanced senses: eyesight, hearing, etc. I’m talking eyes like a HAWK

-better reflexes

-quicker information processing

-can hear sounds of higher and lower frequency than standard humans

-can see light of a broader spectrum than human standard

-learn quicker, retain information and skills better (potential problem: if you learn something the WRONG way, that way might stick really well)

-photographic memory (really useful for memorizing layouts and maps)

-immunity to various diseases

-can tolerate a wider range of temperatures and environments

-increased stamina and strength baseline. Clones can just run full-tilt for hours and hours and be like “ah a nice stroll”. Over long distances, they can out-pace jedi in the same way that humans can out-pace horses.

-higher tolerance of certain poisons/toxins (clones can straight-up drink ethanol, and get maybe a little tipsy)

-bodies respond quickly to physical stress, and slowly to the absence of it (basically, this means that physical conditioning results in stronger muscles and a stronger cardiovascular system really quickly, and it takes MUCH longer for a clone to lose strength and conditioning due to not exercising than standard humans. Think how much valuable training time is saved if they only have to go on a run like, once a month in order to stay in shape)

-increased ability to function through intense pain and acute injuries. Basically, semi-disabling the pain system so it’s less distracting. Probably not good for the survival of the individual in many situations, but an advantage on the battlefield. 

-heal faster and better, with fewer long-term complications. Clones can dislocate their shoulders and NOT have the joint be permanently fucked up, because the Kaminoans re-designed the whole damn thing to suck WAY less.

-actually, unique internal anatomy. There’s probably a lot about the human body besides the shoulder joint that is actually just really stupid, and something no intelligent designer would actually build. So the Kaminoans can fix a lot of that stuff. Better knees, maybe. Stronger ribs. Maybe Cody punches droids not just because he’s a mad bastard, but also because his metatarsals are literally as strong as steel. 

-Hearing loss/hearing damage? No problem, your ear can regrow those little hair-thingies that help you hear. 

-Of course, it takes energy to maintain muscle mass, which is why human bodies lose it if we’re not using it. Clones need significantly more calories than standard humans. However, their digestive systems are enhanced to extract calories and nutrients from food much more efficiently, so food goes much farther. Potential weird side effect: maybe clones only have to poop like, once a week?

-You could probably extend that into increased ability to tolerate long periods without food/on low rations, despite the increased need for calories. 

-wouldn’t it be NEAT if the kaminoans somehow designed self-repairing DNA. This would mean that others couldn’t take a DNA sample from a clone and modify it to create their own clones (basically, it protects their product. It’s like DRM for clones). This ALSO means that clones couldn’t get cancer, and that they’d be immune to radiation poisoning. So a clone could just walk up to a sphere of uranium at critical mass and pick it up. Maybe with oven mitts on if it’s hot. (this would also make it harder for a rapid-aging cure to be developed, but uhhhh fanfic writers find a way)

- “bred for obedience” I think most of this would have to be accomplished through tightly-controlled messaging and cultural norms as the clones grow up- basically, enshrining obedience as a desirable and almost sacred trait, to be prized higher than anything else, including the lives of your brothers. In the same way that we hear stories of people sacrificing their lives to protect their loved ones, the clones would grow up hearing stories of soldiers sacrificing their brothers’ lives to obey an order from a superior. 

-SOME of the “obedience” thing could be engineered, though. Humans are already super social, but it would probably make sense for the clones to have an even greater need for social bonds. This would make for greater teamwork and coordination, and better unit cohesion, since the clones would be more inclined to prioritize friendship/agreeing with someone over winning an argument. It would also make it so they’d bond with their natural-born generals more easily, so they would obey them not just because they’re supposed to, but because they’d be much quicker to see them as a friend, and someone who’s trust they want to earn, someone they want to incorporate into their group and make happy.

-consequently, clones who find themselves alone do NOT do well. Isolation has a much more profoundly negative impact on clones than on regular humans.

-Originally, clones designed to operate alone or in small teams would not have the social enhancement- ARC troopers, spec-ops teams, etc. There wouldn’t be much of a noticeable difference in everyday interactions, but they’d also be vaguely weirded out by what they interpret as aggressive friendliness from their brothers, and their brothers would think they’re a bit shy and standoffish. 

-actually this social modification would make it MUCH harder for clones to kill people. REGULAR HUMANS are already super bad at killing people- i remember reading this article about how as soon as soldiers have to point their weapons at actual people, their aim gets mysteriously much shittier. Even when compared to situations that are exactly the same, except they’re not shooting at other humans. So reconcile this how you will, idk.

-I imagine a lot of these enhancements would be accomplished not through DNA, but through microorganisms. Retroviruses could explain the DNA resistant to modification, and the increased healing speed, and possibly some disease resistance (do i know anything about retroviruses other than a vague concept of what they are? no i do not. will that stop me? also no.) Their metabolism can be partially explained through specially engineered gut microbes.

-not sure how they’d go about making clones “resistant to any stress”, because you can’t exactly turn off the trauma response in the brain without breaking a bunch of other things. They could probably do a bit of fiddling to make clones more resistant to chemical imbalances, and therefore more depression-resistant. I think most of the “stress-resistance” would have to come through training. Either they train the clones to basically suppress everything, which might work alright in the short term. OR they actually have systems in place that help prevent the development of things like PTSD and help treat trauma. Meaning the clones are literally trained in self-care, positive self-talk, talking about their pain with their brothers, and having community rituals around things like death and grief. I don’t think that’s super likely because one thing that’s integral to those concepts is the concept of “i am a person and i have worth, and if i feel angry about something bad happening, that is ok and valid” and considering that a whole lot of bad things happen to the clones all the time and their childhood is a whole boatload of bad all happening at once, i don’t think the kaminoans would want the clones realizing “hey wait a minute i’m a person and i don’t deserve to be treated this way and it’s ok for me to be mad at you”. 

- the clones were supposedly engineered to be “less aggressive” but i think there was literally nothing more to that than a cover story for the control chip. The clones wouldn’t be raised with a lot of the aggressive western concept of masculinity, where anger is the default reaction to like, everything, and your personal pride is extremely important and also fragile (no offense lmao). So you wouldn’t have clones posturing and getting angry over perceived slights and fighting each other all the time, like everyone in-universe apparently expects to be the case. Anyway, why would you want your soldiers to be less aggressive? they’re literally supposed to fight and kill the enemy. You want them fully capable of getting angry, anger is the human response to fear and danger that lets us DO something about it. 

-obviously the biggest component in how they behave would be how they are raised, but that’s an entirely different post

-Specializations! I imagine that initially, the Kaminoans had different clones with different traits engineered specifically to fill certain roles. However, as the war went on, they struggled to keep up with demand and had to start shoving clones into whatever roles were needed (hence Fives and Echo becoming ARCs, despite not being engineered as ARC troopers). 

-Command clones would have better abilities in the executive function parts of the brain that deal with extrapolation, planning ahead, spatial reasoning, etc. They’d also have increased visual pattern recognition (like a pigeon)

-search-and-rescue troops would also have the pigeon pattern recognition abilities. The coast guard literally strapped pigeons to helicopters who would tap a button when they saw orange in the water, because they were better at spotting it than humans. Pigeons can detect cancer in microscope images of cells, because they’re that good at pattern recognition

-Pilots would have hella reflexes, excellent spatial awareness and spatial reasoning skills, much greater ability to process visual information, stronger hearts and blood vessels (to resist greater Gs of force), and they’d also be much shorter, to better fit into a cockpit. Which reminds me of Axe, that poor bastard from Ahsoka’s squadron over Ryloth who was almost eight feet tall. rip poor Axe, how did you even become a pilot, you long bastard.

-medics who can smell certain diseases. If you want to get a little bit out there, make the medics able to purr so they can sooth stressed-out patients. 

-infantry would have even greater endurance than everyone else, as well as greater tolerance for, and ability to, remain constantly on alert.

-ability to fall asleep at will? that would be super dope.

-maybe more efficient sleep, so to an adult clone, 4 hours of sleep is genuinely sufficient.

-concept: clones can sort of turn down their bodily functions- slow their digestion, heart, lungs, the whole nine yards- to last longer in adverse conditions. Sort of a half-hibernation (or quarter hibernation- they’d still be able to talk and think, but they’d feel very lethargic). They wouldn’t be able to function very well, but it would be great for things like enduring intense cold, periods without food, low-oxygen environments, and it would be especially useful if you were wounded and waiting for help, since you could slow your circulation, meaning it would take you a lot longer to bleed out. This state could be triggered by a combination of physical actions such as sitting or lying still, breathing slowly and deeply, and focusing on slowing the heart down (humans can actually slow down their hearts consciously if you practice at it, this is basically that, but turned up to like 1100).

-one thing that never made sense to me was the whole “we’re running out of jango fett’s DNA, all the new clones won’t be as good, and we have to stop ventress from stealing the original DNA” because like, can’t they just, get the EXACT SAME DNA from the clones?? you know, the exact genetic copies? With all the enhancements already done? But now my idea is that the kaminoans have engineered the clones so their DNA straight up can’t be copied. The clone’s own body can obviously replicate it, but if you take a sample and try to extract the DNA, it just self-destructs or something. This is to protect their intellectual property, but also means that they literally have to use a couple of Jango Fett’s actual human cells for every single clone they make (and the fact that they then have to do all the above enhancements to every single embryo helps explain why there’s so many small mutations, such as hair color and height). So they kinda shot themselves in the foot with that one. 

-of course since things like ADHD and autism have a strong genetic component, the kaminoans could theoretically engineer those out of the clones, but actually FUCK THAT so for whatever reason, that’s just not something they are able to do, and neurodivergent clones are absolutely a thing

[realcube]

haikyuu!! characters with a chubby! s/o 💗

characters: tsukishima, oikawa, atsumu, osamu & suna

thank you anon for this cute request 🥺

tw// comfort, fluff, angst if you squint, insecure! reader, swearing, they/them reader but reader wears a dress (in osamu’s)

(a/n): anon requested comfort but i feel bad bc i’m writing this like ‘no, (y/n)! stop being sad! you’re beautiful! 😡’ then i remember that i can just select+delete the pain away💗💖

Kei Tsukishima

let’s not pretend like tsukki gives a fuck what you look like tbh ✋

like nobody is ‘perfect’ and everyone is insecure (to varying degrees) so why would he care about your weight?

nobody ticks every single box to meet society’s definition of ‘beauty’  

plus, tsukki thought beauty standards were stupid away so he created his own - and you meet every single one 💖

in fact, almost everyone meets his beauty standards - besides himself ‘:)

he seriously doesn’t care about your weight tbh, it’s the most trivial thing so why would he care?

although, he wasn’t naïve enough to think that everyone was like-minded

your front of ‘i don’t care about what other people think of me’ was strong enough to fool even the most observant of poeple, including tsukki

however, tsukishima failed to take into consideration that you were his girlfriend, meaning that you could be playing the same game as him; ‘pretend to not care about superficial things like beauty so nobody will think for a second that you are insecure about your body’

he wasn’t one to give compliments but neither were you tbh so the mutual agreement y’all have of ‘let’s call each other names as a form of endearment to avoid those awkward moments were you are looking for the right words for praise but can’t come up with anything’  was fair

but after you accidentally sent him a self-deprecating ‘joke’ message that was clearly meant for a friend, he never passed up the opportunity to compliment you ever again

like he kinda just stared at the message like 😮 ‘does (y/n) seriously care about their weight? why? it doesn’t even matter. how stupid! who told them that the shape of their body is important? bc it’s not..’

then he turns to look in the mirror like ‘wow you srsly need to put on muscle, lanky bitch. or else (y/n) will probably leave you for some built jackass like kuroo. pick up some weights, noodle arms!’

anyway, he’s not too good with words and comfort in situations like these but he’ll probably reply to your text with something out-of-character and surprisingly sweet

to paraphrase (bc the actual text would probably be like a whole damn persuasive essay LMAO he starts with the introduction, makes five points and finishes with a conclusion pfft) , i think it would be something like: ‘hey, (y/n). ik that text was probably meant for one of your friends (but if they’re the ones making you feel bad about your weight then you should probably drop those toxic cunts anyway 💅✨) but i just wanted to say that even though you are the biggest clown i’ve ever met (/j) you’re still v beautiful 💗 stop being insecure or i’ll pass away ⚰💀 ok thx love you bye’

Tōru Oikawa

how are you insecure if you’re dating oikawa? /j

like he is such a hypeman

whenever y’all take pics in your ✨fancy outfits ✨ for formal event, he acts as though you are second most beautiful thing on the face of this earth 😍 (second to him ofc)

but he only does that so he can keep up the reputation he has of being effortlessly confident bc he’s scared that if it slips for even a second, everyone will see how truly insecure he is

truthfully, in his eyes, you come first place by miles (❤ ω ❤)

like srsly, you’re so gorgeous in that dress!! he hopes that you know that he is joking about the whole ‘second place’ thing bc you should be able to tell by the way he looks at you that you’re genuinely the most striking person he’s ever laid his eyes on 

you never acted overly confident in front of him but he definitely didn’t think you were as insecure as you are

he thought you were just..humble :)

sometimes he’d hear you mutter something mean about yourself as you passed the mirror but he paid no mind to it as he figured that you just cared about your appearance and wanted to maintain a certain image

however, once he was made aware that you didn’t want to maintain your image but rather, change it - he never let you murmur anything nasty about yourself under your breath ever again, not without proceeding to tackle you to the ground and shower you with his love, affection & praise 💞💕❤

and he never made a ‘second place’ joke ever again, he started his honesty streak by reassuring you that you’ll always be the number one in his eyes 🤩

also, after that, he was a lot more open about his own insecurities with you and you made sure to respect them and help him in a similar way that he did

there is just so much love and admiration between the two of you and at first you were both to shy to express it but now, you both are showering each other in compliments 24/7 bc you both just want the other one to know how perfect you view them as (❁´◡`❁)

Atsumu Miya

atsumu is a hypeman like oikawa but...better :)

IT’S BC HE HAS NO SHAME

he’ll compliment you on anything you wear and he makes it a point to use the most inappropriate compliment as possible, relative to the outfit you’re wearing

so if you’re wearing your pyjamas, he’ll call you ‘glamourous’

if you are wearing a swimsuit, he’ll call you ‘elegant’

if you’re in your work clothes/school uniform, he’ll call you ‘sexy’

and if you’re in lingerie, he’ll call you ‘adorable’

but it makes you blush so hey, no complaints

so when he finds out that you’re actually insecure about your weight, he’s just like ‘no ❤’

like he hates the idea that when you look in the mirror, you don’t see the god(dess) he sees

like why? it’s the same person

💞 fuck ‘perception’ 💞

💕 ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ TF YOU ARE THE FUCKING BEAUTY💕

grrr he was so mad  

but he was also soft 

he was like ‘if (y/n) insecure? then why hot? then why pretty? then why fit perfectly into my arms?’

plus, THIGHS

he’d never diss a person bc they had small thighs or anything BUT he’d also NEVER complain about being given the chance to be with someone with some good thighs 👍

tbh the best could do to help was compliment you ten times harder to eliMINATE ALL YOUR INSECURIES 

(and ofc i don’t mean that in a way - for example - if you’re insecure about your nose, he’ll fkn chop it off......he won’t chop your nose off LMAO he’ll just show you how much he loves it, to the point where you have no choice but to love it too ( •̀ ω •́ )✧ )

anyway, plz love (or at least, tolerate) yourself or else he’ll suffocate you with all his love and affection :D

Osamu Miya

osamu is at a loss when it comes to typical beauty standards tbh

to him, weight (and most things) are similar to..hand size, for example

just like how you can’t imagine someone feeling self-conscious about the size of their hand (especially if their hand is a healthy size) 

he can’t imagine why some one would be shamed for their weight (especially if they’re a healthy size)

so had no idea you could possibly be insecure about something like that and he probably on realised after a few years in the relationship 😅

there was a formal event coming up and y’all were going as dates so you wanted to shop for outfits together 

as couples do ✌

anyway, he was on a dress site, scrolling away until you pointed out one that you thought was pretty - and it matched the color of the tie osamu bought too!

it was a fair price (for a formal dress 🙄 which is probably like $68/50) so osamu was like ‘buy it then ( •̀ ω •́ )✧’  bc he thought it would so gorgeous on you 

but you were like ‘no’

and after he pried further, you explained how you thought it wouldn’t ‘suit your body type’ 

GRRR HE dislikes IT WHEN PPL SAY THIS SO MUCH BC HOE YOU DON’T HAVE A BODY TYPE YOU’VE GOT A BODY 😡💕 WEAR THE DAMN DRESS IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL 

but like deadass it’s not your blood type-  it’s just a thing ppl made up to make ppl (mostly women) feel bad about themselves for no reason

but that might just be his inner atsumu talking 🤷‍♂️

he didn’t even know what to say at first- he was just like ????? body type ????

but once he figured out what you meant, he still had no idea what to say- at least, without sounding rude

what if someone came up to you and told you they were insecure about the shape of their knee.......what do you even say???

so he was silent for like the rest of the day

you decided to give him some space just in case something happened which had upset him

he had no idea what to say, in all honesty, so he hoped that his actions spoke louder than words 

around 3 days had passed since you last spoke to osamu and you were beginning to think something you had said made him uncomfortable

you were studying in your room until there was a ring at your door so you rushed downstairs and you opened it to reveal a package sitting on your doormat

you had recently ordered some cleaning equipment so you were sure that the content of the package was probably that

so imagine your surprise when you tear it open to reveal  — you guessed it —  the dress 💕

Rintarō Suna

when he says that he doesn’t care what ppl look like, he means it

he upkeeps his own appearance though bc..it’s his!

like why would he care about what weight you are? that’s none of his business

as you can tell, he’s generally not shallow but sometimes when y’all are just cuddling and your face is pressed to his chest, the words ‘you’re so cute’ just fall from his lips

so ofc he appreciates compliments over his skills, personality, humour etc over flattery about his appearance 

hence, the praise he gives you is usually based around those things too bc he just thinks that you’re just like him in the fact you don’t appreciate skin-deep comments

so when he found out that you’re actually insecure about your weight (or something else), he kinda blames himself

he thinks that the whole reason you’re not extremely confident in your appearance is all due to him and the fact he fact he maybe didn’t compliment you on your looks enough  — but that’s not to say that he doesn’t think you’re beautiful 

you’re the most radiant person he’s ever laid his eyes on and he thought you knew that regardless of whether he vocalised it or not

he wasn’t really sure what to do tbh

bc he loved you and wanted to comfort you ofc but he was scared of making things worse

like what if something he says accidentally makes you so upset that you break-up with him 😭

but he knew he couldn’t just stay silent about the issue, especially when he wanted to say to much

thus, he sent you a heartfelt message on discord 

(rather than snap, whatsapp etc so he could edit it after he posts it bc knowing him, he’ll probably write something, reread it ten times then as soon as he hits send, he spots a bunch of mistakes)

and he’d explain how you’re simply divine regardless of your insecurity and if anything, it just makes you cuter 😍

ok ok so i really don’t want it so seem like he has a fetish bc HE DOESN’T 

but he think your curves are so fun and pretty ❤ 

like everything about you is pretty but suna just can’t comprehend why you’re insecure about something like your weight when he literally adores it (bc he adores everything about you)