#i might be a bit grumpy and sad today

[hylianengineer]

Speaking of my grandmother, she's writing a cookbook. And the sibling and I have been recruited as editors - because we both love that sort of thing.

Mostly it's been really fun going through it all, and the memories that go with it, but also? I can't eat most of what's in that book, at least without serious modification. And it makes me a bit sad. This cookbook is explicitly about tradition and family memories, and I feel a bit cut off from that. It's not just me either - we have two other family members with gluten intolerance, and a few other food restrictions. My grandma has talked about trying to label gluten free recipes, but as is, this book just makes me feel left out. It's not even like I blame her for it - it's just the way everything is when you have a major food intolerance or allergy, especially one so ingrained in your culture. And the way it is really sucks.

[bangtanficsforyou]

They Reject You (maknae line)- part two

Pairing: Bts maknae line x Reader

Word Count: 8.8K

Warnings: swear words here and there

A/N: here's my patreon just in case you enjoy reading my stuff!

Park Jimin

Jimin's eyes light up when he spots you in the cafeteria. You're sitting alone with a cup of coffee and typing away something on your laptop and he can't help but feel like the chair next to you is practically calling for him. 

He makes a quick beeline towards your table and occupies the seat. "Hey, sweetheart."

You don't bother looking up at him as your eyes remain fixed on the screen.

"You shouldn't be sitting alone, if you needed company you could have just texted me," he suggests taking hold of your coffee cup. His plump lips wrap around the straw and he draws up the liquid extra loudly, knowing very well that the noise annoys you.

However, you pay no attention to his lack of table manners.

"Do you know we were supposed to have an exam today but it got cancelled?" He speaks in a tone of disappointment, knowing you'd agree with him. It's one of your icks when you've worked hard for something and have shown up for it, but ultimately do not get the chance to prove yourself.

But you still remain focused on your work and give no reaction or response.

At this point, Jimin finds himself feeling curious as to what might be so important in your laptop that it has all your attention. He leans forward to take a peek and realises that you're working on an assignment.

"Assignments are now more important than me, I see," sighing dramatically he looks down as if upset by your lack of acknowledgement. Not even a moment later he looks up subtly to check if you're looking at him.

When he realises that you aren't, the slightest bit of annoyance sparks inside him.

"If you're not going to talk to me, I should just leave," he keeps his tone casual, not intending to let the fact that he's feeling grumpy, be known.

You tilt your head cutely and mumble something along the lines of vertices having a degree two to yourself. 

Jimin's jaw drops in complete shock. The last time you two had a proper chat was three days back and now that he's trying to talk to you, this is how you treat him?! If that's what you want, fine. He isn't going to sit here and beg you to pay attention to him.

"Fine, I'll leave. I have better stuff to do anyway," he grumbles and takes his leave.

If anyone were to take notice of Jimin's expressions, they'd probably end up laughing. He looks angry but that little pout on his lips and the sad look in his eyes makes him look like a little child throwing tantrums. 

It's a good thing your eyes are not on him. Not even when he makes his leave.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Two classes later, Jimin is scrolling through his Instagram when he comes across a reel of a cute puppy doing the usual puppy antics. His first instinct is to send it to you. However, when he clicks on the share button, he doesn't find your account on the list of people to send. His brows furrow in confusion and he types your account id on the search bar only for the screen to read a message saying no matches found. 

Have you....have you blocked him?

He exits the application and opens WhatsApp. When his eyes land on your contact he notices how your profile picture is appearing to be blank and it only makes him desperately type out a message to you. 

Throughout the class, he keeps hoping that he'd notice a double tick to assure him that you haven't blocked him but unfortunately, no such thing occurs.

At the end of the day, he goes to sleep with a displeased frown. How could you do this? How could you just ignore him during recess and then block him on social media out of nowhere? He didn't even do anything wrong. 

Did he?

He tries to recall the last time the both of you had a proper conversation and his mind goes to the events that occurred on the night of the frat party. 

It's true that you had snapped at him and that the conversation you had, would not fall under the category of 'friendly'. But he didn't think it was serious, either. Both of you had silly arguments here and there, but it never seemed to matter in the long run. Somehow or the other, Jimin always managed to get under your skin and get a reaction out of you. Sooner or later, the two of you would fall back to the rhythm of him annoying the shit out of you and you talking back to him. 

The more Jimin recalls the little fiery banters you two have engaged in, in the past, the more his confidence grows. He tells himself this time would be no different. It may take a little more time but Jimin is sure you'll be talking to him again. 

It's true that you have never blocked him before. Or never have downright ignored him like this. Even when you would appear to be mad, there was always that little twitch of your eyes or you poking the inside of your cheeks with your tongue, which let him know that he was being successful.

But it doesn't matter. 

Maybe you're really really mad at him this time. But he's sure he will melt that anger away with his smile and charm.

It works on everyone, no doubt it will work on you as well.

----------------------------------------------------------------

With a wide confident smirk plastered on his face, he walks into your classroom and looks for you. 

His smirk softens into a small smile when he spots you with your head buried in books. 

He ignores the hushed whispers and the dreamy stares and walks to your seat before sliding next to you. 

"Hey sweetheart," he says, putting the effort to make his voice extra sultry and smooth. That always works on the girls. 

And for a moment, Jimin thinks he has won when he notices the look of complete surprise on your face. However, his victory is short-lived as your surprise fades quickly and once it does you're back to your work without paying him any mind.

"I got you a gift," he places the said gift on top of your notebook. A rose. "I looked at it and it reminded me of you."

Your hands falter for a brief moment as the nib of your pen is met by the flower. You use your other hand to move the flower out of your way.

Jimin huffs. He is starting to get annoyed and there's this sense of unsettlement in his veins but he tries to look amused. If there's one thing that bothered you to no end, it was when he found your anger as a source of his amusement. 

"Awww," he coos with an underlying tone of mockery. "Are you angry at me?" 

You don't react. Jimin is neither surprised nor flattered. 

"It's so cute though," he comments, and only if you were looking at him would you have known it's only his voice that gives the faux impression of him being amused. His eyes, his frown even the curve of his lips don't hide the fact that he is anything but not amused. 

Jimin feels a mix of frustration and desperation, which makes him snatch the pen away from your hand.

You seem startled by his actions but instead of arguing with him for being such a pain in the ass, your hand makes its way to your pencil pouch. However, before you can take another pen out, Jimin is taking that away from you as well. 

"You aren't getting these back until you talk to me," he declares, as he hugs the pouch and your pen close to his chest as if shielding them away from you.

You sigh, not out of agitation or anger. You seem bored. Something that scares and hurts Jimin, at the same time.

"What do you want?" You query, finally talking to him directly. After four days.

"What do you mean by what do you want?" He scoffs, making air quotes to mock your question. "You aren't talking to me and have blocked me on socials. What do you think I want?"

You sigh, once again and once again you look bored. As if you'd prefer to be anywhere but here. "I thought you had a reputation for being a fuckboy or something."

Jimin's brow furrow in confusion. "What does that have anything to do with this?"

"As a fuckboy whose commitment lasts for only one night, you must have faced many instances where you just wanted the girl to just take the hint," you state, speaking in a tone that's so calm that it makes Jimin squirm in discomfort. "Wonder why then, do you not know when to take the hint yourself."

His eyes fall and suddenly all traces of anger and frustration is gone and is replaced by sadness. Jimin looks a like sad kid who has just been told Santa isn't real. 

The look in Jimin's eyes catches you by surprise. He is an expert at making sad eyes to lure someone in. You know that because you have been a victim of it. But Jimin's eyes always had that little spark in them. Something that gave away his act and highlighted the mischief brewing within them. Something that let you on the fact that he's only pretending to be sad. 

However, now that you look into his eyes, they just seem dull. Making it seem like Jimin is sad, maybe for real this time.

You ignore the urge you feel to comfort him and maintain a blank face. Why should you even feel bad for choosing yourself? How many times has he thought or cared about his words and how they have made you feel? How many times was he there to wipe the tears that he made you cry?

Not even once. 

You may be someone who's tough and headstrong but you're also just as soft and loving on the inside. If you give in now and comfort him just to see him happy, you know you will be repeating the same cycle with yourself. And it would be so damn toxic.  

"Are you really not going to talk to me?" He whispers, in a soft voice. 

"I don't want to, trust me." This time your voice is not cold. This time you sound like you. The you, Jimin is familiar with. You don't even seem mad. And that's exactly how Jimin knows that you mean what you're saying.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Jimin has had a tough week. 

Nothing out of the ordinary, perse. He has been going to parties, has been getting drunk and has been the same him. But maybe that's exactly why he is having a tough time. Because despite doing regular 'Jimin' things, he hasn't been feeling like himself. 

He doesn't even know what's wrong. Or maybe he does, he just wants to ignore it and pretend that everything is fine. That he's fine. 

He does his classes and tries his best to focus on the material that's being taught but somehow or the other, he zones out. 

But it's not like it's a big deal. It's normal and all cool. He's fine. 

During football practice, he misses the opportunities that present themselves to him as if he's a blind man. 

But again, that's normal, right? Even the best of players make mistakes. Who's Jimin to not make one? It's fine. He's fine. 

During lunch, he accidentally puts pepper instead of salt in his food. But that's also normal! Nothing out of the ordinary. 

He's fine. 

He repeats these two words in his mind as he makes his way to the next class. However, he is met by a sight that has his steps halting.

It's you. 

You have your head thrown back and you're laughing at something your friend said.

The scene causes a stir of emotions inside him. 

One of the first things he feels is longing. Any other time he would deny it with everything in his being but now that you're in front of him like this, he simply can't. He misses you. He misses talking to you. He misses teasing you. He misses how your nose would scrunch up in annoyance. He misses the way you would chew on your lower lip to hold back from smiling. 

He misses everything about you.

The next emotion that hits him is anger. Here he is, feeling like he can't act and function normally without you, and there you are totally unbothered. 

The thought also scares him. What if, what if you just don't care about him anymore?

If that so happens to be the case, Jimin at least needs to know for sure. He can't be going around like this with a hole in his chest and having unanswered questions in his mind regarding what exactly happened for you to suddenly cut him off like this.

So, the next thing he knows, he's walking towards you. Ignoring the surprised look on your face, he grabs the courage to speak. 

"Can I talk to you for two minutes?"

You look at your watch simply because you need to make an excuse as to why you can't give him the two minutes. "Sorry, I have to head for my class."

Jimin nods, having expected something like that. "We can talk while walking. I'll drop you to your class."

"You don't need to–"

"I want to," he cuts you off with a determined look on his face, not willing to take no for an answer.

Truth be told, you have no intention of talking to him. But somewhere, at the back of your mind, you're curious as to what he might have to say. After all, after one whole week of Jimin not trying to bug you, you had honestly assumed that that was the end of whatever friendship (if you can even call it that) you two had. 

Jimin takes note of the indecisive look on your face and before you can come to a negative decision, he takes hold of your hand and gently tugs you to a side. 

"What–"

"I am sorry but I had to," he says with a tone that conveys nothing but sincerity. 

You're half pissed at Jimin's behaviour but you ignore it nevertheless, thinking that whatever it is that he has to say, it must be serious. Because you have never seen Jimin being like this before. 

"Whatever you want to say, make it quick," you say with a sigh. 

"Why are you cutting me off like this?" Jimin's words are out of his mouth the moment he knows that you're ready to listen to him. It's like he has been waiting for ages to ask you this particular question. 

Your brows furrow for a split second before you scoff. "Is that what this is all about?"

He is confused as to why you're looking at him as if he has asked a really stupid question.

"Yes?" He responds hesitantly. 

You sigh once again, this time much louder and in disbelief. "Oh my gosh, I can't believe this," you mutter to yourself before looking at Jimin and he does not miss the gleam in your eyes. 

"Let me spell it out for you, you were an asshole to me," you state, your voice having a certain hint of anger to them. 

"A-Asshole? How?" He stutters, looking even more confused than before. 

"You knew I had feelings for you, but you couldn't give two shits about it. I had no issues with you not liking me back, but rubbing all your sexual escapades on my face, and flirting with me is a total disregard and disrespect to how I feel."

"I didn't–"

"It doesn't take much for someone to realise that. Anyone with the minimum common sense can figure that out for themselves. But just because your feelings have always been shallow does not mean that the people around you are shallow as well."

There are a lot of responses that come to Jimin's mind but he knows none of those are good enough.

"Do you know how much of a fool I felt when you were being ignorant of the fact that I am a person who feels? I felt so stupid to be hanging out with you when you couldn't even pause and give me the minimum respect I deserve."

Each word of yours hits him like a bullet but he thinks this has been a long time coming. He is willing to take as many hits as it requires, but he just hopes this is not the end. That somehow he gets to redeem himself. No matter how difficult it is. 

"But at some point, you realise that you shouldn't put up with someone who doesn't appreciate you. I know how I deserve to be treated and it's obvious that you don't know how to treat a woman with respect. Hence, I'm afraid we can't be….friends anymore." 

You paused briefly before using the word friends as if you were not even sure if that's what you two were. And it sure as hell, makes Jimin feel shittier than he did moments ago. 

Oh my goodness, he really has messed this up, hasn't he? 

When you turn around to leave, Jimin doesn't stop you, knowing very well there's nothing much he can say to prove that you mean much more to him than what he has made you believe. 

So he lets you go. 

But only with the intention of earning your forgiveness.

Kim Taehyung

February

Tae 🐻:  did you reach home?

You: yes, just did!

Tae 🐻: i see

Tae 🐻: take rest and sleep well

Tae 🐻: also, i got a little something for you 

Tae 🐻: *image attached*

On clicking the picture, you're greeted with a small little teddy bear that looks adorable in every way possible.

It brings a smile to your face and there's a part of you that knows that it's his way of apologising for the dimmed smile you had throughout the day. His words may have been upsetting but at least he knows the effect they have had on you. And you know he's sorry for it. Mayhaps, that makes it a bit easier for you.

You: it's cute 

Tae 🐻: i know 

Tae 🐻: that's exactly why it reminded me of you 

You chuckle and shake your head softly.

He never leaves a chance to flirt.

--------------------------------------------------------------

April

You: you won't believe what happened

Tae 🐻: what

Tae 🐻: What

Tae 🐻: WHAAATTTT

You: a cat just snuggled against me.

You: CAN YOU BELIEVE IT???

You: like i used to be so scared of them 

You: but now i think they are just soft little balls of fur

You: now i want a cat for myself

Tae 🐻: this is so cute for some reason

Tae 🐻: i can just imagine your bright excited smile *sighs*

Tae 🐻: I'm glad you are not scared of cats anymore 👍😌

Tae 🐻: but but but 

Tae 🐻: idk how to feel about you getting a cat

Tae 🐻: what if you get one and then your whole attention is on them and then you forget about me 👉👈

You: 🙄

You: is this supposed to be a joke?

You: can i not have a bear and a cat at the same time???? 😒

You: also, don't worry i doubt the cat can ever get as annoying as you're 

You: so in a way, you'll always be special 😌

Tae 🐻: uhh thank you

Tae 🐻: that's very reassuring 🤗💖

You: well why, you're welcome 🤗

-------------------------------------------------------------------

July

Your phone rings making you alert of an incoming call. Checking the screen you realise that it's Tae. 

"Hello?" You greet in a sing-song voice, your mood suddenly turning bright.

"Hello, my lady," he greets back in a British accent. "How have you been?"

"Same old, mate, same old," you sigh, mimicking his accent. "Work has been hectic."

"It's even worse that I haven't seen you for so many days" he huffs, his accent gone and voice sounding whiny and complaining. Something that makes you think he has a cute adorable pout on his face.

"I know, work decided to be the biggest bitch ever," which is why you and Taehyung have not been able to find free time to spend with each other. 

The lunchtime for his department changed, making it impossible to have lunch together. Your department has way more workload than his does and as a result of which, you always have to stay back at least an hour to complete your share of work.

Taehyung doesn't wait for you or for your work to get done. And in a way, you're glad. You can't imagine how tiring it can be to wait a whole hour after a full day of work when you know you have the option to just go home and lay in bed and do nothing. 

Everyone deserves good rest and sleep after spending a whole day in front of a computer and that includes Taehyung. You'd never expect him to wait for you or do anything that would be at the cost of his discomfort.

Anyways, it's not like you and him have been out of touch. You text him about every silly little thing that would occur throughout your day. It could be a lizard staring at you intensely as if judging the way you're brushing your teeth, and Taehyung will be the first person to know about it. Hence, yes you do miss his presence physically but your days have been filled with him. 

You both have chatted for hours on end, sometimes via text, other times on a call.

This time is no different. You two end up talking for a whole hour before, he says something that ends with your heart skipping a few too many beats.

"Hey man, I won't say I love you on the phone," he jokes, but there's just something in those words that tells you he knows this isn't just a joke. "That's not fair to the both of us."

It is said out of nowhere, yet it fits the context of the conversation as well as of the situation you both are in. 

"Umm, w-well, say it in person I guess." Your cheeks warm up, a bashful smile that is so incredibly shy at the same time, adorning your lips.

"So I will," he whispers as if even though you two are only connected via call, he knows how gentle this moment is and what it means to you.

And then, the conversation is loud again. You with your silliness and him playing along with it and laughing loudly at your antiques.

----------------------------------------------------------------

September

"Why do you look down?" You query as you munch on popcorn.

Taehyung shakes his head, denying anything's wrong. "Nothing, I just feel tired, I guess."

Bullshit. You know Taehyung well enough to know when he's lying. His eyes just twinkle in a certain way as if on alert about being caught. 

"Do you want to leave?" You whisper, paying mind to the people around you. The last thing you want is the people in the movie hall shushing you or glaring at you.

He shakes his head, again. This time more vehemently. "No, I want to watch this movie with you."

You sigh but then speak in a gentle tone. "You know you can tell me right? Anything that's bothering you, you can tell me."

Taehyung looks at you and there's that certain look of vulnerability as if he's scared and worried. But whatever it was that he was looking for, he finds it in your eyes. It makes him decide that yes, he can be honest with you.

"Remember Kira? I saw her today and I guess it just triggered something within me."

Kira. 

How can you forget that name? 

Two months in your friendship and the both of you had discussed your lists of shitty exes and Kira was a topic discussed in detail.

Kira was his first and only girlfriend whom he loved a lot. Their relationship was filled with ups and downs but he never let it come in the way. He was there for her in ways you only see in movies and shows. But alas, things did come to an end. 

What hurt Taehyung more than the relationship coming to an end were the comments made by Kira. She didn't stutter while saying that he's just not the kind of guy she's into. He isn't bulky or muscular. He laughs too much and smiles easily. He isn't intimidating and is very gullible and naive. 

That...that was what broke him.

You remember the day he told you about Kira. It had made you so angry. How could anyone ever say something like that about a person? If you're not interested you're most welcome to leave but why go an extra step to be an asshole and scar someone? 

What was worse was the fact that you could tell Taehyung believed in those words. He thought they were a down point to his character and that it made him unlovable. 

It's also since that day, that you have developed this protectiveness over him. He may not see it but he deserves the absolute best. He deserves to know that it isn't difficult to love him at all, in fact, it might just be the easiest thing in the world. 

But right now, you know that her words from the past are probably being repeated in his mind over and over again. Hence, it becomes your goal to make him see that those words are not true. 

"I understand why it may have been triggering for you," you comment taking hold of his hands and playing with his fingers. "But I assure you, she was only being a bitch because she knew she losing a gem."

Taehyung smiles a smile that does not reach his ears. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me. I'm not done yet."

For the first time this evening, the briefest spark of amusement enters his gaze. 

"I know she hurt you, but if you need a reminder that what she said to you was total bullshit, I'll serve as one."

Your voice comes out firm but there's that tone of love and affection to it, that is simply unmissable.

"People say and do mean things and they hurt us. But their choice of actions and words define them, not us. At some point, you have got to stop and realise that you can't keep hurting yourself because of what someone has said. It's difficult to do that, I know but that difficulty is worth it. You are worth it."

A small, tiny smile appears on Taehyung's lips at your words. Before he can get the words out to express his gratitude, you're speaking again.

"Also, all those things that she made you feel were unlovable about you, make you just that much more lovable. Because that's what makes you, you."

Once you're done, you feel the insecurity hit you that you may have been a little too passionate or that you went overboard. But Taehyung resting his head on your shoulder and muttering the softest of thank you's makes you relax. 

And that's how you watch the rest of the movie. With his head on your shoulders and him constantly wanting some part of his body to be in touch with yours.

---------------------------------------------------------------

December

You were promoted. 

You won't say it was out of the blue, you had seen it coming. Despite that, being recognised and awarded for your hard work, felt nice. 

But your promotion also meant you were now working in a different branch of your office. Same city, a different building. This also meant the chances of you and Taehyung meeting in between work had slimmed down to zero.

But again, it didn't seem to affect the bond you two shared. You two chatted with each other about your day almost regularly. It just didn't feel right, without telling him about the itsy bitsy details of your day-to-day life. 

It was your second week in the new building and by now you had become comfortable enough with the group of fellow employees you were mingling with, for them to ask the very important question. "Do you have someone special in your life?"

The question was asked in good spirits, with raised eyebrows, teasing smiles and mayhaps with an underlying hope that the answer to the question would be 'no' so that they can set you up with the company sweetheart Jeon Jungkook, who you have a hunch, has a crush on you.

Nevertheless, the question makes you stutter. 

It's not a difficult question to answer if the answer is a simple yes or no. But in your case, it's not so simple. It's complicated. 

But how do you explain it to them? 

You don't even know where you and Taehyung lie. You both have never directly addressed the feelings except once or twice. But what does that mean now? Do you two fall under the category of "more than friends, less than lovers"? 

You don't know.

You don't know if he still has feelings for you. What if it was just a phase and now all that you two are is just good friends? What if you're the only one who keeps thinking of the time you had confessed and what if you're the only one to whom the moments spent with the other, mean something special? 

But what if the opposite is true? What if he still has feelings for you, what if it wasn't just a phase? What if the moments spent with you, mean something to him as well?

Gosh, this indeed is complicated.

You take a deep breath and conclude that irrespective of whatever his feelings for you may be. You're someone who cares for him. A lot. 

You don't want to be someone who hurts him, ever. Knowing of the few instances that he has been hurt and the way he has been hurt, you never want to make him feel like he failed at love again. Or that, he isn't worthy of love. 

You don't want to assume that Taehyung has feelings for you. At the same time, you don't want to assume that he doesn't. Because you know, if you assume that he doesn't have feelings for you and act accordingly, and then it turns out that he still did, he will feel crushed.

"Let's just say, I do have a certain someone," you answer with a shy smile.

Your new coworkers look disappointed for a brief second, most likely because now they won't be able to play matchmakers but the disappointment is soon replaced by excitement. 

Multiple questions are thrown your way to know about this special person and you spend the rest of lunch trying to answer them as swiftly as possible.

--------------------------------------------------------------

February

You: why the 🙄 next to her name?

You ask in reference to him re-posting a status update of a co-worker on Whatsapp. Something about company lunch.

Tae 🐻: cause she's annoying! 

You: lmao why so 😂

Tae 🐻: oh boy she has no respect for boundaries 

Tae 🐻: her jokes are in such poor taste and inappropriate

Tae 🐻: it's just annoying and hence would explain the emoji choice

You: damn 

You: that's harsh 

You: but I'll trust your judgement

Tae 🐻: as you should, yes 😒

You: but this has me curious, if you were to put an emoji next to my name, what would it be? 👀

Tae 🐻: damn that's a good question

Tae 🐻: let me think

Tae 🐻: How about this one? ✨

You: huh? 

You: that's kind of unique 

You: why that one though?

Tae 🐻: because you shine, duh

Tae 🐻: and you light up every room you walk into 

Tae 🐻: and this ✨ just suits you 

Yet again, you feel the familiar warmth in your chest that at this point is just very common every time you talk to him.

But that doesn't make these little moments any less special for you.

------------------------------------------------------------

March.

Work was extra tiring today. You couldn't catch a breather. Couldn't even go to lunch. Stayed back after work till eleven.

And now here you're, finally home.

While having your ramen, you decide to respond to texts that you haven't and so open WhatsApp. 

Once done, you check through the status updates of people. It's always nice to know what fun people have been up to while you were being drained of all energy.

However, you frown when Taehyung's status appears on your screen. There are a few paragraphs written about love and how it can change the way you view life. When the next slide appears, it's a picture of him with a girl. He has his arm casually on the girl's shoulder as they smile at the camera. That added with the heart emoji as the caption causes a weird nervous sensation in your stomach. 

You type out a question as a reply to his status.

You: what is all this about? 😂

You add a laughing emoji next to it just to make sure you sound casual and curious.

Taehyung so happens to be online and his response comes quickly.

Tae 🐻: did you not see my status updates? 😂

Tae 🐻: I'm in a relationship ☺️

And just like that, your hands start shaking and the food in front of you gets forgotten.

Jeon Jungkook

It's been almost a month since you confessed to Jungkook. 

During the first week, you tried to reach out to him because you were so angsty to just get some sort of response. You didn't care if it was in the negative or was harsh. Anything was better than this. Anything was better than him just straight out ignoring your presence as if you never existed. 

You just couldn't understand. Did the friendship you two had mean nothing to him? Did you ever mean anything to him? If you did, how could he possibly treat you this way? Did you not deserve at least a proper explanation as to why he was doing what he was doing?

But after a week, you gave up. Your hurt turned into anger. You didn't care what his possible explanation could be. You did deserve better than this. So you ultimately stopped trying to reach out to him.

It's not like it doesn't bother you. Sometimes, it still does. But the difference is, you have stopped expecting anything from him. And that admittedly, makes it a little easier for you.

"What are we doing today?" Namjoon asks with a bright dimpled smile as he took his seat on the chair. 

"Four short interviews and then a late-night show," you reply, quickly opening your pouches to get out the brushes. 

He sighs. "Another round of answering what our love life looks like."

You snicker, finding it hilarious how done he looks. "Another round of you answering on behalf of the team that you all are a little too busy to find time for dating."

Namjoon shakes his head. "Sometimes I wish I didn't know English." 

The thought makes you laugh with your head thrown back.

"Well I can't imagine anyone else being the spokesperson, it would be damn funny."

You really do think that would be the case. Each of the members has a very distinct personality and just imagining what they would be like, is nothing short of amusing to you. 

Your amusement, however, dwindles when your mind comes up with the question about what Jungkook would be like if he were the one translating other members' words into English. But then your mind leads you to imagine how cute his English is, despite being broken. And then your heart ultimately shrank and you had to remind yourself to not think of him.

Namjoon seems to notice your distress and quickly changea the conversation to something else. 

Thankfully, it works. There are no other sad moments where your mind goes to Jungkook and you find yourself enjoying your conversation with Namjoon and that was more than enough. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------

It's three in the afternoon, you conclude after checking your watch. Which means another interview left and after that the boys can rest, until the late-night show of course. This also, means that there's another hour for you to just relax in the AC room. After that, you will have to get to work to remove Namjoon's makeup.

You lay down on the sofa and scroll through Instagram. What's better entertainment than this? 

Your fingers get to work and start scrolling, one meme after the other. Some you find hilarious, some you need to read twice to get and some you simply roll your eyes at. But you guess, that's just how memes are.

However, it's after a few more posts that you find one which simply makes you blink in disbelief. 

It's a picture from the news outlet dispatch. The picture in question is of Jungkook's with his arms around a woman. On reading the caption you realise that the said woman is, Niki from the girl group JION. And to no one's surprise, the photo has caused a stir on the internet and apparently, everyone's talking about it. 

You exit Instagram and open Google. You search for Jungkook and Niki are immediately met with a bunch of articles. Each of them discusses their possible relationship and whether or not they are dating. 

When you feel like you have had enough of the sick churning of your stomach, you close all apps and just shut your phone. 

Wow. 

This is something.

It leaves you perplexed and with a bunch of emotions, you have no idea how to deal with. 

Was he already seeing the woman when you left that note? Gosh, if that's the case, it would be so embarrassing. 

Is that why he thought it would be best to just get rid of you? Was that why he made that sudden move out of nowhere? Couldn't he just tell you that he is dating someone else? Learning this from a news outlet, for every reason, feels painful.

It's not even the fact that he is dating someone. It's just the fact that you both have become such strangers that he feels like a distant person you once used to know. All because you decided to trust him with your feelings.

But most likely it didn't matter. Your feelings didn't matter. You're someone who's always behind the scenes, someone who no one knows. But him? He is the world-renowned artist. He is the one who earns in millions and has an army of fangirls, quite literally. Why should he waste his time caring about how you feel? More importantly, why did you expect him to? 

It was undoubtedly a mistake on your part to have trusted him. As they say, expectations lead to heartbreaks and maybe you had to learn it the hard way. 

But that doesn't mean the pain is anywhere near acceptable. You needed a way to vent your anger, so you do the only thing that comes to your mind.

You block him on all social media sites.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Two weeks since the rumour about Jungkook and Niki dating begun and it's still all over the net. Why, you ask? Because the two people involved in the matter aren't helping their case at all. 

They have been spotted several times together and thus have been fuelling the rumours further. 

It angered you. Weren't idols supposed to be very careful about their relationships? Why were then, these two, flaunting their relationship for the world to see?

You're aware you sound bitter and ridiculous because no one should have to hide if they are dating someone but you just can't help yourself. No matter how hard you try, news about Jungkook and Niki would somehow or the other appear on your feed, be it on insta or Google. It just became unavoidable as these two were everywhere.

The comments didn't help either. People adored them. 

Apparently, these two were the perfect match for each other. Both maknaes of their individual groups and both fan favourites. 

It made it suck all the more for you. 

Argh. 

"Have you seen my chapstick?" Namjoon asks as soon as he enters the room. "Hobi just lectured me about how I should always keep my lips moisturised." 

"It should be in the drawer," you reply and get up to look for the chapstick. "Let me check once."

As it turns out, it indeed was in the drawer. You hand the small tube to him and as soon as you take a seat again, the door swings open to reveal someone you would have never imagined seeing. 

Niki.

"Namjoon oppa," she smiled, putting her dimples on display. "I was looking for you."

Namjoon turned around at the sound of his name. His expression too turns into that of surprise when he realises who it is. "Niki! I didn't know you'd be coming."

Huh, makes the two of us. 

The two idols chit chat and you ignore all of it. Simply, because they seem to get along really well and if there's one thing you know about Namjoon it's how protective he is of all the members. But if he likes and approves of Niki, well you guess she and Jungkook might just be the perfect match. 

It's not like Niki totally ignores your presence. She shoots you a smile that's sweet and warm, and you smile at her right back. Your's looking a tad bit less sincere.

Thankfully, whatever conversation the two of them were having soon comes to an end and Niki leaves the room. 

As soon as it is just you and Namjoon, you blurt out the question you have been wanting to ask for a long time. 

"Are they really dating?" 

Namjoon doesn't seem too surprised by your question, if anything he looks like he expected it. However, he does look hesitant to answer. "Umm, yes they are."

Shit. 

You don't know why you had to ask the question but you did, and now you got your pretty little confirmation and now you're hurting again. 

Well, shit, indeed.

But but but, why was Namjoon hesitant to answer? Was he perhaps aware you had feelings for Jungkook? Had Jungkook told him the reason of requesting a change? 

Fuck, you should really have kept your curiosity to yourself because now your mind is running wild and it's not helping you at all. 

"But, I don't think it's anything serious," Namjoon adds after a beat of silence then nods as if reassuring himself that it was the right thing to say.

It makes you even more paranoid that Namjoon knows about your little more than crush on Jungkook and it makes you want to flee from the spot. 

"Uhmmm, I need to pee," you squeak out and immediately shut your eyes because gosh that was stupid. 

"Uhh, okay." Thankfully, Namjoon isn't weirded out by your silly choice of words. Instead, he looks amused and there might have been something else in his gaze but you are too embarrassed to take notice.

You quickly leave the room and rush your way to the washroom. As soon as you're in, you splash your face with water.

What the fuck? Does Namjoon know? Does it mean that the other members know too? How are you ever going to face them again? 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

This is no good. You should have never confessed. You should never have listened to those excited beats of your heart and to those fluttering butterflies. Look where it got you.

"Don't worry about it, babe. It's all cool, it's all under control now." A voice reaches your ears from one of the stalls in the washroom. 

You assume the woman must be talking on the phone and you ignore it.

"Yes, I know how you feel about it but trust me this whole thing with Jungkook should be over in like a few weeks."

Now, that has your ears all perked up in attention. 

"You know, I don't even like him like that."

What. The. Fuck. 

"I'm not mad at you for it, relax babe, I love you."

And just like that, you hear the toilet flush and the doorknob jiggling followed by Niki stepping out. 

You pour the liquid soap on your hand and wash your hands with them just to look like you weren't eavesdropping on her conversation with her babe. 

Although, could it really be called eavesdropping when she was speaking so loudly? 

Thankfully, Niki doesn't find your behaviour suspicious and leaves the washroom with a small smile lingering on her lips. 

Uhh okay then. 

This is something. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

As soon as the shock dials down and you could think, you knew you had to tell someone. 

You don't know what and how to say, though. You can't just claim that Niki is cheating on Jungkook, despite your initial assumption being that. Because people call their siblings babe too right? Or their best friends? Yes, you can't just assume that she's having an affair behind everyone's back. 

But what you're plenty sure of and have heard Niki admitting is that she does not have feelings for Jungkook. What the heck is going on then? 

Before your mind can start running in circles, the door swings open announcing someone's arrival. Much to your relief, it's Namjoon, someone you can be honest with, without worrying about the technicalities. 

"Listen, I need to talk to you about something," you say, your voice coming out nervous yet firm.

Namjoon takes notice of your nervousness and smiles at you warmly, hoping to put you at ease. "Sure, go ahead."

"I went to the washroom and uhm, I heard Niki talking on the phone about something and I think you should know about it."

A small frown appears on Namjoon's face because of all things, he did not expect that what you had to say was anything related to Niki. He, however, keeps quiet and gives you an encouraging hum to go on. 

"I–She told someone over the phone that she doesn't really have feelings for Jungkook."

Namjoon looks as shocked as you had been but his shock wears off much much quicker than yours did. 

For the first time, he looks a little awkward having this conversation. Scratching the back of his neck, he gives you a small awkward chuckle. "I see what you're saying."

Your first thought to this reaction is that he does not believe you. It would make sense for that to be the case if Jungkook really had told Namjoon about the note. But that does not mean you don't feel incredibly offended and hurt right now. Just because you liked Jungkook does not mean you'd be lying. Is that how much faith Namjoon had in you?

"I'm not lying!" Your voice doesn't hide the emotions you're feeling, not that you were trying to hide them anyway. 

Namjoon's eyes widen and he immediately shakes his head. "No, no, no. That's not what I meant."

You cross your arms and look at him with a scowl, refusing to believe his words. "What did you mean then?" 

He yet, again looks a little sheepish as he answers, "It's just that I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything to me," you reply without missing a beat. "This has nothing to do with me. It has to do with Jungkook. Tell him that this girl probably has some ulterior motives or something. Save him from the heartbreak he will inevitably go through when he comes to that realisation himself."

"You're right, that's exactly what I should do." Something in Namjoon seems to click and he nods. "Wait, I'll be right back."

Just like that, he's walking out in a hurry leaving you all alone in the room. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

It's been fifteen minutes since Namjoon left. 

At first, you were walking with hurried steps from one end of the room to the other but then your anxiety got too much for you and you decided to sort out the skincare items and put them in place. 

Productivity is better than burning calories by walking in circles in a room. Right?

You were only putting the new moisturizer in the drawer when someone clears their throat to announce their presence. 

It rightfully startles you and you let out a small yelp. 

However, when you realise who the person standing in front of you is, it makes your stomach sink. 

Jungkook. 

The same Jungkook you have been avoiding for weeks. Not that it was difficult though, he had never really made any effort to reach out to you. But whatever. 

You swiftly look away from him and get back to work, not wanting to pay him any attention. Why should you? You're not his makeup artist anymore, he does not have any business to be here. 

"Umm, I need to talk to you about Niki." 

You don't respond.

Your silence is met with a sigh from Jungkook. 

"Hyung told me what you heard Niki say. Ummm can you please not share it with anyone else?" 

Maybe it was something about the way the words were phrased but they did not sit well with you.

Your hands pause and a scoff of disbelief makes its way past your lips. Is...is that what he wanted to talk to you about? 

That too, of all things to ask you to not tell others about it? As if you had told Namjoon about it to spread some sort of gossip. The only reason you bothered with it was because....well, you were worried for Jungkook. 

But imagine caring about someone despite being treated the way Jungkook treated you and then that person coming to talk to you for the first time in weeks only to tell you not to get involved. As if it was by choice. 

One thing was for sure, you were this close to letting out the words you have been holding in for a long long time. Your position as a makeup artist be damned. 

"It's just that if word gets out she will be framed as the wrong guy."

She....she will be the one framed as the wrong guy? And you being the one who could potentially do it, doesn't make you sound like the villain? What he's saying is you could do something that could end up making Niki the victim.

That's it. You have had enough. 

"Do you even know what you're saying?"  You speak the words out with your tone laced with every bit of anger you have been keeping in for weeks. 

Jungkook winces. "I do–"

"Let me finish. I have no business telling people what I heard Niki speak on the phone with lord knows who. Heck, if I was selfish I would have just stayed out of it because who's gonna believe my words against those millions of articles and fans shipping you two? But the only reason I thought you should know about it is because what if you really loved her or something? Knowing it later when you're much more invested would be way more painful and crushing." 

Something enters in his gaze but you're too furious to notice or to even pause to give him the time to form a response.

"Not to mention that you treated me like trash. Didn't bother talking to me. Changed your staff without giving a proper reason. Heck, I might just be a make-up artist and you might be a world-renowned artist but I thought we were more than that," for the first time since you started speaking, your voice goes quiet. "To me, you were more than the idol everyone sees. Maybe that's why I assumed I was also someone more than just a make-up artist to you."

"But I guess I was wrong," your voice cracks and as soon as the sound of your wavering voice reaches your ears, you know it's time to shut up. Because no way in hell are you going to cry in front of Jungkook. 

But somehow that single voice crack says a lot.

You have seen Jungkook cry in pain and frustration. You have seen him laugh until his stomach started to hurt. You have seen him drink until he's all giggles and smiles. Those moments had led you to believe that you two were friends, at least. But then if you two ever were friends, he has disrespected that friendship way too much for you to be calm about it.

Jungkook looks at the ground as if it would magically give him the answer to the question of what he should do now. When it doesn't, Jungkook battles himself and ultimately decides that it's best for him to simply say the truth.

He has complicated things enough.

"Niki and I aren't dating." 

------------------------------------------------------

Permanant Taglist:

@bloodline1632 @embrace-themagic @jeonsorchid @fragmentof-indiffernce @royallyjjk @jeonninja @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @blairscott @jungkookslittlebun @hunbun07 @chimchimmarie

Fic Taglist:

@coffeedepressionsoup @perfectlyfangirling @armydgirl

[quodekash]

FUUUUUUUUUUUCKing hell theyre gonna kiss today????

hes so grumpy already I love this so much

the silent conversations chain and toey are having with their eyes oml I cant

pls this is so funny

theyre both deeply in love with someone else so it's jsut so unnatural to them

BUT ALSO id like to mention that the first thing chain did when he had to pretend to be hitting on toey was put his arm around his shoulders and rest his hand there. which is what he's literally ALWAYS doing with pun, no matter when it is, he's always standing next to pun with his hand resting on one of his shoulders

its like he associates his time with pun as being in a romantic relationship 👀

THESE FUCKIN BASTARDS 😭

JUST KISS IM BEGGING YOU

theyre lost in their own little world 🥺

kiIIIIIS

this is too funny, the cuts from "chain. chain what happened next." to ✨soulful dramatic guitar music✨

im sad they didnt actually kiss but also im not surprised

LOOK AT THEM, DUDE

THEYRE SO NATURAL WITH EACH OTHER

I FUCKIN LOVE FRIENDS TO LOVERS SO SO MUCH

half convinced theyre already dating, they just cant be bothered saying anything so theyre waiting for others to ask them about it

PUN IS SO CUTE DUDE I ADORE HIM HES FUCKING ADORABLE

I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH THEYRE SOIMPORTANT TO ME

if I ever have a romantic partner, this is what I want

I cant explain it, I just wanna run up to them with pure joy and excitement, and for them to hold me back by just pushing against my skull

it just seems perfect, idk why

GB4JHERGB

THE FRIENDSHIP OF ALL TIME

genuinely think I might be more invested in their friendship than all the romantic relationships in this show

im fucking CRYING

my king matt, this was so unnecessary and I love everything about it

why does it suit him so well tho

they should kiss again I think

I feel everything about this image on a spiritual level

THIS ENTIRE AMUSEMENT PARK SEQUENCE BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY AND DOPAMINE IM IN LOVE WITH THSI EPUSODE

NEW COMFORT EPISODE UNLOCKED

look its really funny but I do feel bad cos this day is not even a little bit fun for him

like q is having a complete shit time

poor chain doesn't love amusement parks but he has to go on the rides with toey to keep up the facade cos toey loves these rides 😭

and its even worse realising Q also seems to love amusement parks, so he would be having a fucking amazing time if he could just go on all the rides next to Q cos they both love it so much 😭😭

fuckin FINALLY

LMAO WHAT

THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY I JUST SCREECHED WITH LAUGHTER SO LOUD AND ITS MIDNIGHT

THE PURE COMICAL SHOCK AS HE REALISDE WHAT HE SAID, THE EXCITEMENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE AS THEYR EALISE WHAT HE SAID

I mean to be fair it was REALLY obvious

im surprised no one noticed earlier but also its a bl so im not at all surprised to find out theyre all fuckin dumbasses

SERIOUSLY THO TANFANG IS WHAT I WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP HOLY SHIT

a lot of the time watching bls ill be like "I want that" but its usually as a joke

but THIS?? the fucking adhd bastard (me) who just wants to be near their partner and compliment and always stimming and just having a swell fucking time while the other one loves them but is mildly tired but also in adoration? FUCKIN GIMME

also how the fuck has Q not realised, theyre all so fucking obvious

also also I cant explain it it just feels deeply as though pun and chain are for real dating they just havent told anyone yet

ill make a post about it all at some point maybe (I definitely wont)

PHYSICAL TOUCH IS HIS LOVE LANGUAGE 😭😭😭

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH HE DOESNT HAVE TO HOLD HIM SECRETLY ANYMORE THEY CAN JUST WALK HAND IN ARM NATURALLY NOW

hear me out tho, this gets even funnier if he's actually already in a committed relationship that no one knows about yet

I dont think it's secret dating, it's just 'not super obvious dating to try and see JUST how oblivious all our friends are. its been three years at this point and still no one's said anything. we're starting to lose all hope.'

I love tan so much, the little wave

what the FUCK

what the FUCK FUCK???

THE SOUNDWIN LINE????

HERE IT IS ITS FUCKIN COMIN GUYS

HE SAID IT

HE FUCKIN SAID IT

[insert that gif of the crowd of people in the bar going insane]

holy fucking shit dude holy fucking shit

my legs are literally shaking idk if I can do this

FUCK TO THE YES, FUCKING EXPLICIT ASK FOR CONSENT HOLY FUCKING SHIT

WHAT THE FUCK

AND THE FUCKING SONG IN THE BACKGROUND !!!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE

im gonna be here all day

I dont even need to watch the rest of the episode now

I can just go to bed if I want and watch the rest later or smth

dude I cant wait for q to realise that toey is milk frappe guy

HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT JUST PROCESSED IN MY MIND THAT THEY KISSED

WHAT THE FUCK

omg making out in a haunted house, what a dream

the workers watching on the security cameras probably had a blast that day

how funny would it be if there'd been a scare actor in the shadows in that room with them and they'd been about to scare them but they were too shocked with that tender kiss to remember they have a job

he needs to lie on his bed and just stare at his roof and think about that for a while

tbh same

look at him 🥺 he's so lost in that memory

thEY FUCKIN MADE OUT HOLY FUCK

welp on that note I think im done for now

I might finish the ep with my silly thoughts+screenshots later but for now tis the time for sleep

[barcalover86]

Cruel, but sweet (1)

Short Pablo Gavi book

For this sweet person: @soso5479

"Could you do a gavi book where the reader plays for Real Madrid and they have a match against each other"

We decided together that this is going to be the main topic:

Y/n being at the real madrid academy and she has a match with Barca (girls' team), and Pablo is watching her.

I really hope you will like this, I tried my best to make it as good as possible, if you don't enjoy something, don't hesitate to text me and we'll talk about it. Also, if you have an idea that you would like to happen here, comment or send me a message or request. Love you all!⚡️

------------

You were already at Camp Nou, the place where you had an important match with your rivals, Fc Barcelona. You were playing for Real Madrid, the team of your dreams since you were just a child.

Your family is a football lover, that being the main reason why they joined you in this academy. You were really good, people saying that you have a unique talent. Everyone loved you since the beginning, and you absolutely adored your teammates.

This game was important. Who wins, wins the ligue. You promised yourself to give your best and to not disappoint anyone.

Your family and friends were there, supporting you as always and you were waving at them, happily.

You were so nervous right now, seeing so many people watching you warm up. Especially since you found out that the players from Barcelona were going to be there.

You weren't the toxic type of fan. You respected both teams. Of course, you would answer if someone asked you that Real Madrid is your favourite, but you never said something bad towards their big rivals.

Yes, they won laliga, but now it's time for Real Madrid too.

-----------

"I really have better things to do other than go to this game" said Gavi while standing on his chair, watching the players warming up. He was in no mood for football, all he wanted to do was to relax. He just won laliga and he had to go soon to the national team. Bad luck for him that Xavi made them all go to support the academy girls on this big day.

He wasn't a bad guy, he really wanted the girls to win because they totally deserved it, but right now he was too tired and wanted to do something that wasn't related to football. He wanted to relax this few days until he had to go to Madrid for training.

"It will be over soon, hermano" Pedri tried to console his friend.

"Who do you think will win?" asked Ansu.

"Ah, I really hope that our girls" replied Pedri.

"I hope that too, but the Real players from the academy are really good. It will be for sure an exited match. You won't get bored, Gavi" laughed Balde.

The boy only rolled his eyes and laughed. It will be for sure an interesting match.

------------

"We trained hard and we deserve this win! Let's make our supporters proud of us. Give your best and fight for every ball. I wanna see goals, not excuses. Vamos chicas, vamos!"

You were in the changing room listening to your couch. You were all determined to win this game and make everyone proud of you.

"Vamos!!!!" everyone started to cheer. Today was your day.

------------

"I can't do this anymore! How unlucky can we be!!!!"

Pedri was really grumpy that they had so many occasions of goal, but the goalkeeper managed to save them all. Besides that, Real Madrid was yet winning, being 2-0 for them.

It was now minute 44' and Barcelona scored. People were cheering for the team, but not too much, still being behind their rivals.

"This is for sure not our day, hermanos"

"Ansu, have a little bit of faith!" laughed Balde.

"He might be right. Today, real looks better than us" admitted Gavi sad. He really had hope for the girls to win and he still does, but deep down he knew that they were going to lose.

The boys talked about everything, until it was time for the other half to begin.

"Visca Barca!!" shouted Ansu and they all laughed at his silliness.

"Yes, visca Barca!"

The game began really well. It was already 2- 2 in minuted 48' and the boys were really happy and cheering. Eventually, they scored again, making Ansu dancing.

"What is that, hermano!?" laughed Pedri hard.

"It's called the dance of happiness, Pedrito" made the boy fun of his friend.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he replied in surrender.

"And after a very short period of time, I will do the dance of winning!"

"Yeah, yeah, sure!"

-----------

Barcelona was winning, and you were really panicking now. You were running faster and more than ever. You trained too hard, and you couldn't lose today. You had to make your family and team proud of you.

You ran and ran for every ball, and when it was 5 minutes left, you scored. 3-3

You were so happy that you started to jump on all your teammates. People on Camp Nou started to cheer your name.

"Vamosss, hermanitaa"

"Let's go, amigas. We still have a match to win" you said and you went back, fighting for another goal.

-----------

"Look, Gavi! That girl is exactly like you."

"What?" he asked confused.

"She is jumping on all her friends after a goal. Don't you know someone that does the same thing??? Hm!?" Pedri teased him.

"Oh, let it like that" he laughed.

"Can't lie, she did a pretty goal"

"She really did" answered Gavi to Balde. "She worked really hard today, she kinda deserved to do at least one goal".

They were talking and not even realising that you did another goal, until Pedri started to swear.

"Calm down, Pedri. It's just a game. It's not ever ours"

Jordi tried to make his friend calm down, but he was really grumpy now.

"I can't believe it! We were winning and that girl had to do 2 goals in 5 minutes! Unbelievable!"

"It happens in football, hermano. Next game, we will win"

"She did a good game, don't you think?" whispered Lewandowski on Gavi's ear, seeing him looking constantly at her.

"I really wanted us to win, Lewa, but the way she played.. somehow I'm happy that they won"

Lewandowski smiled, seeing his little teammate blushing a little. Maybe coming to this game was a great decision, after all.

---------

You were in the changing room celebrating after the win. Everyone was shouting your name and you couldn't be more happy. Tears started to form in your eyes. You really made it.

"Thank you, y/n! Thank you, you saved us" said Ade, one of your best friends.

After a lot of photos with the trophy, it was time to go to the after party with the Barca girls. You decided to invite them to celebrate the last game together. All you wanted to do was be friends with everyone. You were rivals, but not enemies after all. You were still humans.

----------

Gavi found out you were the person that invited Barca to the party and he finds that so mature and beautiful. He only knew your name and when he looked at the photos and saw who you actually were, he couldn't believe how pretty you are.

You were all sweaty and tired, with a red face, but still.. so beautiful. He found your Instagram and looked at some photos of you. Most of them were with you playing, but the ones from holidays were his favourite. You, dressing elegantly, with a natural makeup look...

He didn't follow you, but he was still looking at your stories whenever you would post them.

When you saw that Pablo Gabi saw your stories, you thought that he only wanted to see who won today, but when he constantly saw the ones from the party, you started to be really nervous. He was a player from Barcelona and you couldn't be interested in someone from that club. People would say that you would betray your team and you were so loyal to them. You tried to forget about it and to enjoy your night, but it was really hard.

When you got home late and were so tired, you still made time to look at his ig account, too. The boy was really breathtaking. When you went to see some reals and tik toks of him, you found out that he was also a sweetheart. You knew about him, everyone in Spain knew, but not so much details.

The videos of him and kids made you blush and smile like an idiot. And when you saw the one with the fan asking him for a huh after signing her something (gif) made you want to cry of how beautiful his smile is.

The thought that he saw you playing tonight made it hard to fall asleep. You knew that you won't get to meet him. You, leaving in Madrid and him in Barcelona, made it really hard.

You were an optimistic type of person, but this time you knew it was impossible, until you met again. Where? At the spain national team..

Please, tell me your opinion on this!!! Was it good, bad? I can change something if you don't like it!!

Love to all of you, take care people!!

Masterlist

Requests open this days

[aviradasa]

Drunk Dancin

Elliott (Sdv) X reader

(art from Pinterest)

This was so fun to write I hope you all enjoy! I got kinda lazy towards the end Sorry it's been awhile sense I've had inspo so this might be bad. Also I didn't proof read this shit🤣🖤

It had been a rough day on the farm, the crops were dying due to the change in season, the animals were grumpy even though they had plenty to eat and space to wander, And then to top it off the mines nearly killed me, and now I grumpily stumble to the stardrop saloon.

It's a busy night for the tiny bar. Friday nights are always like that, groups and sad lonely souls gather there to drink, sing, and stumble out sometime past midnight every Friday without fail.

As I make my way inside I see it's still relatively quiet. I walk up to the bar nodding my head to Pam who sits at her usual corner.

“Hey kid you're looking rough, what happened this time?” she asks, turning her head to me with a slight chuckle as she takes a sip of her beer. I look at her with a sigh as I slump over the bar lazily grabbing my drink and sliding it closer to me. “Oh, you know the same old shit. Crops are assholes, and my animals and the creatures in the mines want me dead.” I say lifting my cup to my lips and downing half of my drink before lowering my glass. “It’s been fun,” I say giving her a sarcastic smile.

“Jesus kid you outta slow down there wont be any good tomorrow if you're sloshed,” she says with a grin. I look at her with a raised eyebrow before I can respond. She laughs. “I’m just kidding, the best cure for a shitty day is a drink. If I had any extra cash I would buy you one outta pity but well I'm kinda runnin’ a little short for my tab as is so.. Don’t tell Gus,” she tells me with a wink, I let out a little chuckle. “ Your secrets are safe with me,” I tell her before downing the rest of my drink and calling Gus over for another, which he gladly sells me before I get up from the bar and wander to a table neatly nested in the corner. I sit down and after a few minutes, I see my good friend Leah wander into the saloon collecting her drink from the bar. She wandered to the table next to me. “ well hey their Y/n what are you up to tonight.”She asks as she pulls out her seat to sit down.

I look up at her with a grin holding up my drink. “Girl I’m drinking in hopes I don't wake up tomorrow sober!” I tell her as we both laugh. “ Jeez Y/n what the hell did you do now, don't you tell me you passed out in those mines again!” she jokes with a grin on her face as she takes a sip of her beer.

“Hey now I didn't pass out, but I got too damn close to those rock crabs are the devil.'' I shake my head as I chuckle. “ They keep sneaking up on me and by the time I see one of those things there are 3 more behind me.” I say Leah just laughs “Sounds like you need to buy some armor or something if you gonna keep going down there-” she starts to say before a new voice unintentionally cuts her off.

“Good evening Leah,y/n how are you both tonight?” the person says, looking towards the voice we see Elliott. I was starting to wonder where he was normally earlier. “ hey El where were you? You're a bit later than usual.” I ask the redhead. He just chuckles and takes a seat in between the two tables. “Well, you know how I was having a dry spell of inspiration? Well, I don't know What hit me but today I was able to get 3 chapters done in my novel! I was so caught up in it that I didn't even realize the whole day had run away from me. I feel so alive at the moment!” he tells us excitedly. For the past week, Elliott has been talking about how he had no clue what to write in this book of his, it was kind of sad to see him so upset, but now he's happy and inspired again! Don't get me wrong is amazing, I'm happy for him and even happier that he's so much more enthusiastic and optimistic now, but I just wish he was like this 3 days ago. Because now his joy is feeling a bit suffocating. Or maybe that's just because of my shitty day.

Even so, I sit there and listen to him excitedly explaining some plot twist he wanted to add to a future chapter.

As he speaks I can't help but tune into the music playing from the jukebox. It's decently loud but not enough to give you a headache and the songs playing are mostly from the 70’s and 80's. I guess Gus has decent musical taste! Who knew?

About an hour has passed and our little trio has had our fair share of drinks. We sit there joking around for a little longer before Leah thinks it might be a good idea to pull Elliott and me up to dance. “Leah I don’t know how fuckin to dance??” I slur as she pulls me up. She groans “Come on don't be lame let all just dance! I bet you can do it! Elliott, don't you think they can do it too??” she asks him. Elliott being a little less than drunk more on the tipsy side just laughs.

“ You know I think they can! Go on, go dance, you can do it,” he says, giving me a slight push. Without thinking I grab onto his hand and spin around to face him. “You know what! I’ll go if you come with us.”

Telling him to come with us was the worst thing to say ever.

Cause he was an amazing dancer with a couple of drinks under his belt. And he looked divine doing it. His red suit jacket had been long forgotten on the back of his chair, his long red hair was put up messily in a bun and he was dancing like he should have been on a stage.

He swayed and spun, stumbled once or twice, and laughed with us when we pointed it out to him. It was a beautiful thing to witness, but he didn't take my focus away completely, as Leah and I had been spinning around together, jumping up and down bobbing our heads to the beat as we stumbled and laughed.

As we dance my head starts to spin, dizziness overcoming every aspect of my mind and vision almost knocking me down. But as I stumble, a hand grabs my wrist from behind and spins me around full circle. As I nearly fall forward the person's other hand finds its way to my waist pulling me towards them, my back hits their chest and I hear a laugh. “I can see you've been having fun, you should be more careful, you just never know who you'll stumble into.”

Recognizing the voice, a dopey grin creeps onto my face as I turn my head to look at the culprit.

And just as I guessed it was Elliott standing behind me with an oddly placed smirk on his face. Seeing him sobers me up a little bit in the best way possible.

“ Well now you're the one who grabbed me, I could have stumbled my way into anyone I like. you just happened to be quick about it.” I said with a giggle as I spun around one more to the beat of the song playing. Now facing him as we move around the dancefloor.

“Yes, well. Ah, what can I say i can't think of a good excuse at the moment. I’ve wanted to dance with you for quite some time, And when I saw you had wandered out of Leah's grasp well. I suppose you can call me somewhat of an opportunist.” he says as we both let out a laugh

“ Well, I can’t say I'm complaining that you took that opportunity.” I wink “Nothing against Leah she's quite a good dancer.”

“Better than me?” Elliott says with a joking tone. “Definitely,” I responded with a grin. He places a dramatic hand on his chest as he tries to flip his hair forgetting it's put up at the moment “I’m hurt, I thought I was better than that.” he jokes. A small chuckle escapes me at the gesture before the night goes on and blurs together, not in the sense that I don't remember more like that of a watercolor painting when the colors bleed into one another as we had dancing in a wave of color that turns into something else entirely.

The door of the saloon swung open as we exited, we were one of the last few folks leaving. Leah had left about an hour prior leaving us to our fun, not without saying goodbye first. Waving goodnight to Gus, me and Elliott make our way to the town square. Stopping I turn to him with a tired look “Are you sure you wanna walk me home? It's getting pretty late.'' I asked him. It's not like the walk to the farm is long but for him to walk all the way there and then to the beach is quite the trek even with shortcuts it can take quite a while. “Of course. I'm not gonna let you walk home alone at this hour. It wouldn't be right, especially after the drinks you had earlier.” he tells me with a grin i gaze at him skeptically. Looking him up and down.

Even after the long night he looks surprisingly put together in a semi-messy way, his hair is still put up in that messy bun from earlier but now some more strands are pulled out some of them sticking to his face after the night of dancing, his white dress shirt was wrinkled now and his red coat was lazily thrown over his shoulder. Even so, his posture was still surprisingly straight though he was very slightly hunched over but it was kinda hard to notice. After a few moments, I shrugged my shoulders “Well if you insist.”I told him.

“Oh, I insist” he smiles, turning to the side he offers me his arm. I laugh a bit and take it “Trying to pull the gentlemen card tonight Elliott?” I joke as we make our way past the little garden turning the corner to make our descent down the pathway that leads to my farm. “ I don't need to pull a card. It's just who I am,” he says, his voice a bit smoother than before. Making a little heat rise to my face. I thank the dark shadows of the night for shielding the small details from his view. Damn, that silver tongue of his. I think to myself before I remember to respond “Whatever you say El.” I chuckle looking straight ahead of us. The air is cool as we walk but not uncomfortable in the slightest. It is more of a calming breeze that floats past us picking up the smell of some of the freshly bloomed spring flowers with a slight smell of rain from the previous day. I feel as though I could never tire of the night air, And to admit walking with the man that's haunted my dreams each night just adds that little bit more to it that makes it hard for me to remember that it's real.

“Well, here we are.” I hear Elliott mumble pulling me out of my thoughts. I didn’t even realize we had walked up the steps to my front porch. “ thank you so much, Elliott.'' I smile warmly at him as I release his arm from my hold. “ It was really sweet of you to walk me home tonight. And also thank you for the fun night you and Leah provided me with.” I told him.

“It's always a pleasure, and I would do it again any time any place,” he responds with a nod. a small grin gracing his features. A few moments pass before he decides to speak once more

“ Well I suppose it's getting quite late and I wouldn't want to keep you up too late so I guess I'll be going now,” he says hesitantly. I bow my head with a smile before opening my door a small bit of confidence overcoming me as I get i silly idea

“ Well, it's not that late, how about you come inside for a moment and grab some tea before you go?”

“ that. Would be lovely. As long as you don't mind.” he says taking a step inside my home.

“ I don't mind, I offered,” I responded with a laugh closing the door behind us as I went to heat the kettle. It was a small offer but it was a night neither of us would forget for a long time.

[hyunjilicious]

dog walkers [hwang hyunjin x reader]

Summary: it wasn't enough that Hyunjin already missed you beyond words, but then he also had to sit down with Felix and reminisce about one of your guys' best dates and make everything worse. (FLUFF) 2.2k + texts

Warnings: none except for hyunjin being absolutely adorable and this being completely self indulgent and not edited ❤️ (also pls ignore the fact that halfway through this I forgot how time zones work, just go with it. Thanks 😖)

"What's my ideal date…" Felix hummed, scrolling through one of the online quizzes his phone recommended. It was the middle of summer, the intolerable heat of Seoul's July forbidding any of the boys from leaving the house. 

"Yeah.." Hyunjin chimed in, his phone instantly falling down onto the couch they were both sitting on. "What is your ideal date? I never heard you talk about it before - about dates in general"

"Probably because I've never been on one," Felix shrugged. "I mean, I have… but just like.. casual dates. I've never actually been on a 'let me take you out' kind of date"

"Casual dates count too!"

"All we did was sit down and talk. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change that memory for the world, but now that I think about it, I kinda wanna go on crazy dates too. Like you and Y/n used to do"

Just the sound of your name brought a smile to Hyunjin's lips. The memories flashed before his eyes at lightning speed, from the first time he saw you, 3 years ago, to the last text you sent him, which had been that morning. "I miss those"

"Which was the best one?"

The enthusiasm in Felix's voice somehow made Hyunjin sad. "Urgh, don't make me do this. I already miss her so much"

"Don't pretend talking about Y/n is not your favorite thing to do"

Again, he couldn't help but smile. "Not when she's on the other side of the globe"

"You're just grumpy today" Felix shook his head. "Do you want me to show you a picture of her? Maybe it'll cheer you up"

"Pff, yeah right" Hyunjin threw an eye roll and pointed his phone in Felix's direction. On the lockscreen there was a picture of you two hugging in front of a blossoming tree. The sun was setting but the gentle and warm artificial light from the fairy lights made it so that both your wide smiles and the flowers around you were perfectly contoured and visible. "I have her as my wallpaper"

"Aww" Felix pouted, grabbing the phone and bringing it closer so he could examine the details a bit more easily. "And it's such a nice picture too."

"Yeah, it is"

"Come on, tell me about your best date. I know you're dying to talk about her"

He wanted to refuse. He knew he should've refused because just the thought of that night filled his heart with so much pain. It was now that he finally understood the true meaning of the word bittersweet. But it was too late, his heart rate already picked up and before he knew it, he was settling better against the cushions on his corner of the couch, feeding off of Felix's radiant and awaiting smile. 

"Ok, but I'd like to start by apologizing to all the other dates we've had, because I feel like an asshole just choosing one-"

"But you know exactly which one it is"

"Yes'' Hyunjin laughed with no hesitation. "Ok, so I don't know if I already told you about this date. I might have, it was the best day ever"

"I don't think so," Felix dreamily shook his head. "I think I'd remember"

"It was right after Y/n got accepted into the programme at work. The day I realized she's leaving. Like she's legit leaving. Like I knew she'd leave, there was no doubt in my mind she'd get accepted, she's the best at what she does, but reality hit me when she showed me the email"

"I remember the email," Felix laughed out loud. "You called me crying, remember?"

"Yeah…"

"One eye crying happy tears, one eye crying sad tears" 

"Leave me alone" Hyunjin exclaimed with a fit of giggles, knowing damn well there was no way to deny it. That whirlwind of emotions was still familiar to him, he was still going through it, one day so proud of you his heart could burst, and the next, so pained by your absence that he could just drop everything and hop on a plane. "I was going through something. That was what made us come up with these ideas for the dates. We always had fun staying indoors and doing absolutely nothing together, but when I realized she'd be leaving for two whole years I kinda freaked."

"Yeah, exactly! Like the other person being there is enough, but if you can do something different, why not do it?"

"Yes. And the first date we had after this was the best day of my life"

"I remember you made a list at one point? The planetarium, you wanted to go hiking, all that stuff-"

"Yeah, well, the first date wasn't so-" Hyunjin trailed off in search of the right word, "Date-y"

"What did you guys do?"

"We decided to walk dogs"

"That's such a Y/n thing, I love it!" Felix laughed, his head thrown back as he clapped his hands. "And no, you haven't told me about this one, I'm pretty sure"

"It means I was saving it for the right moment"

"How many dogs did you walk?"

"Yeah… about that. Y/n posted an ad somewhere, mostly as a joke. We didn't think anyone would actually ask us to walk their dogs, especially because it was on a Saturday. Like during the weekends people actually have time to do this… so we just said ok to every person that contacted us and before we knew it, it was Saturday morning and we had 9 dogs to pick up"

"9!?"

"Yes… I know"

"How did you-"

"Don't ask… please don't ask. They all pooped at least twice and it wasn't just small dogs… every one of them was pulling in different directions and ok, I'm totally used to sticking my hand in Kkami's mouth to take out whatever gross thing he found on the ground and decided to chew, but I wasn't familiar with all these other dogs! Other chihuahuas are fine, but any dog bigger than a beagle? Never doing that again"

"Jesus Christ" Felix was hardly able to contain his laughter, the mental picture being just what he needed. "Only you two could've had this happen"

"It was her idea!"

"I'd be surprised if you didn't jump up and down in excitement when you heard it"

"I might have, but still, I'm not the one who thought 9 was a reasonable number"

"How did you even get to the dog park?"

"We took the car, obviously."

"As if you and Y/n in a car alone with 9 dogs is so much better"

"Hey, we got it done, that's what matters"

"How is this your best date, I don't get it"

"Maybe it was the trauma we went through together. It brought us closer. No, I'm kidding. But it actually was very fun. Once we got to the park, I swear it was like heaven. They were so, so sweet and adorable. And we didn't even have to sweat. All we did was sit down on the grass while they chased each other and played around us. I've never had my face licked so much. We were literally covered in dogs. And at one point-" Hyunjin said with glee and sat up from the couch to exemplify. "- I'd just say turn around and they'd all turn around! Or sit, and they'd all sit. It was like a little dance, they were so happy. It was the best"

"Ok, I take it back. It actually sounds nice" Felix agreed. 

"But then we had to take them all back" Hyunjin sighed, his smile slowly fading off his face as he sat back down. With his legs now gathered to his chest, he continued to speak. "I was starting to get attached. And most of the people that asked us to walk their dogs were older people, you know. And when we brought the dogs back, they were so nice. We obviously didn't want to accept any money, but most of them refused to let us go just like that. One lady gave us flowers from her garden, and I actually painted them. I'd show it to you but I gave the painting to Y/n. And others also gave us pie, and fruits. And like you could tell some of them didn't have much, but they still wanted to share it with us"

A little frown settled on Felix's face as he blinked a few times, "I would've cried" he said sincerely, his eyes not showing even one glint of sarcasm. 

"Oh, we did," Hyunjin nodded with a giggle. "We cried on our way back. Not ugly cried, but we cried"

"It counts"

"Yeah.. and by the time we were done with the dogs, I don't remember what time it was exactly, afternoon anyway, we didn't really know what else to do. We initially planned to go to a restaurant and eat, but we were already full. So we settled for a walk, and we found online this garden in the center of the city - thought it would be nice to go check it out. But when we got there, there was a wedding going on"

"A wedding?"

"Yeah, and the problem was that we didn't realize it was a wedding.. we thought it was just busy so we just strolled in not even bothered by the fact that everyone was dressed in suits and fancy dresses. And so we went towards the back of the garden, where there weren't that many people. It was gorgeous, by the way. You have to see it too, it feels like a different world."

"So you crashed a wedding"

"Well… technically yes, but when we realized what was going on, the bride and groom were very nice about it. They hadn't rented the whole thing so we could've been there for a whole different reason. Like we could've just been there to eat or something but we didn't know. They offered to let us stay if we wanted to dance or something, which was probably just them being polite - we obviously didn't, but we did take some pictures! I mean their photographer took them for us-"

"Your lockscreen!"

"Yes, exactly. And then we left. We stayed there for like 10 minutes maybe? So it wasn't that big of a deal, but we interacted with so many nice people that day. Like, how often does that happen? I don't know, it filled me with joy"

"I can tell, it sounds like a really nice break. Especially since it was the first date like this"

"Yeah… it was very nice. After that we just did a little bit of shopping, went home, cooked together and went to sleep. Like, nothing major happened, but it's still one of the best days of my life. And Y/n was so happy. She didn't stop smiling the whole day. And until then she had been so stressed with work, but that day she was so relaxed, and I got a full day of Y/n just being herself around me, with literally no worries in the world. And I think that's what makes that day so special, because others have technically been more fun, but as time passed and the day she was supposed to leave started approaching, she stopped being so.. I don't know, free. Um… yeah, I don't know what I'm saying-" Hyunjin stopped himself to take a deep breath. "I'm rambling"

"No, I know what you mean," Felix reassured him. "I miss her too."

"What time is it?" Hyunjin asked but was also the one to tap his phone screen to check. When the picture of you two in the garden popped up, both of them smiled. "It's almost 5pm"

"Got any plans?"

"Yes, pester Y/n until she gives me attention. But she's usually working at his hour so I don't want to bother her… too much"

"Send her a selfie" Felix suggested, "It'll make her smile"

"No, I look horrendous. All I've done today was sweat"

"Come on, you could send her a picture of your pinky finger and she'll still find something nice to say about it"

"Yeah, she would," Hyunjin giggled, "somehow…"

"Just like you would, about her pinky"

"Hey, she has very nice hands. And I'm not just saying that"

"I know you're not"

Shortly after, the topic of conversation swiftly shifted. They left the couch in search of food, and neither of them refrained from complaining when they realized there was none left and they had to cook. It was a daily occurance, the complaining and the cooking, but today it was different. While Hyunjin did his part, he moved a bit slower, showed less enthusiasm and his usual jokes were at best delayed, but mostly absent. 

While they both knew the reason, they didn't want to address it. Felix knew his friend would come to him and speak up if he needed someone to listen to him, but he also knew that wasn't enough. Maybe that conversation really wasn't the best idea.

The day drained itself pretty slowly, especially because the only person he wanted to interact with was busy and on the other side of the globe. He wasn't in the mood for anything else and thought he'd go insane, so there was only one thing left for him to do. 

[mcflymemes]

AS SAID BY MERRILL  *  assorted dialogue from dragon age ii

hello! i'll be your distraction! you can't hit me!

oh dear, get ready for more trouble.

have i ever mentioned i like your coat?

can i get you something to eat or drink? i have... water.

i fell off the pier once. the harbor is really deep.

do you think we could go swimming later?

someone spilled ale in here.

you really believe that, don't you?

everything i did, i did for them!

be careful what you believe in.

i hardly think you're one to criticize.

i'll find something relatively clean for you to sit on.

everyone is staring at me.

did i ask you?

we have our own stories. i don't need to borrow yours.

things are about to get exciting.

what right do you have to question us?

why doesn't anyone ever want to be nice to us?

we're about to be attacked!

it's not surprising at all that anybody would love you.

i was always... a bit secluded.

if you never made mistakes, it wouldn't matter if you believed.

i'm sorry, i can't do anymore.

it's awfully noisy in here.

why does it always smell like cabbage here?

is that your house?

why are you smiling?

why don't you arrest us?

if i had any other choices, i'd take them.

stop it. you're scaring me.

ugh, this tastes terrible.

go on, i'll catch up!

ooh, ooh, it's something dirty, isn't it? tell me, tell me!

someone's laying traps.

are you jealous?

you look uncomfortable.

oh, that's good too, but i was hoping for something dirty.

you're very quiet today. is something wrong?

have i mentioned that i don't really like it here?

i think i stepped in something.

you could get another cat, you know.

i haven't exactly made many friends.

i came in and watered your plants.

how do i learn it, then?

it's not my fight.

you've spent too much time being grumpy. it's a nice change.

it's a pretty evening, don't you agree?

i think we'd better get ready to fight.

nobody seems to like you. do you get used to that?

i'm a little overwhelmed here!

the act of lovemaking is so... intimate.

are you all right?

why do you even like me? i must seem so dull.

i was so sick on our trip across the sea.

i'm not exactly sure why we keep coming here.

could somebody help me with this, please?

oh, i can't hit that! it's much too far!

you've had many lovers, haven't you?

i've got an idea! get over here!

you sort of swagger when you walk. i've been trying, but i trip over my own feet when i do it.

i wish i had your life.

what? did i miss something?

i'm not that foolish. our relationship is strictly platonic.

you brought this on yourself!

you know, i think they were really trying to kill us.

is everyone all right?

what have i done to you now?

you keep looking at them with sad puppy eyes every time their back is turned.

i'd like to hear them sometime, if you don't mind.

i think it's over. do you think it's over?

i really think we need a new plan?

could we perhaps do battle with a pack of pretty flowers or soft bunnies next time?

if you don't believe in me either, i won't mind.

that didn't go quite like i thought it would.

i've got so many bruises now, they've got names and families.

you're very kind. thank you.

even you can be happy once in a while. it won't kill you, but your face might crack if you smile, so be careful.

you're in love!

this is going very badly!

just wondering why you're so cross all the time.

did i say something wrong again?

i'm the stupid one? whatever.

that can't be true.

do you regret it?

i think he's broken the thing he wanted to save.

would you truly turn your back on your own history?

do you like crowded cities better?

there are many things i wish i could undo.

and you're so cute when you're with him.

it could fall on someone, but you'd have to push it really hard. it's quite heavy.

we're not all like him.

don't you care about the plight of our people? not even a little bit?

you'll protect them, though. it's what you do.

maybe i'll borrow yours sometime, if that's all right.

everything affects everything.

it's impossible to talk to you.

simple is good. it sneaks up on you, makes you smile.

it feels like something is ending, doesn't it?

i've lived there for years. i see it firsthand.

it's just a precaution. nothing will go wrong.

did i miss something dirty?

did you step on something sharp?

how did you learn swording?

i said something wrong again, didn't i? maybe i'll just stop talking.

are you talking to me?

[amypihcs]

Hello my friends! Today's Wake Watson Up day! Our dear doctor might be a bit grumpy!

Well, i'd be grumpy too if my partner woke me up at ass o'clock in a freezing morning. Holmes, i hope you kissed him good morning at the very least.

Poor Watson, cold, knocked out of bed early, no breakfast, even! Holmes, treat your darling a bit better, please!

Oh, apparently the note is from Hopkins calling them for a case! Here's why Holmes is happy and excited

AND STILL SHOULD STOP INSULTING WATSON'S WRITING. Good man Watson replying that way. Oh well, during the beeretirement WATSON will have occasion to criticize HOLMES' writing instead uwu. But back to their case, it's not a moment for bickering, now.

murder.

Uuuh! And an IMPORTANT one! And now that he warmed up with deducing the way Watson shaved with his eyes closed and being an ass to our good doctor, Holmes starts the deductions. Watson would just like to catch some sleep in the train. Can't fault him, toh.

Oh here's Hopkins! Nuu, no more care? You deny Holmes cases? No more case for Holmes? Oh! OH! Ja- No wait. Let's see anyway.

Watson...

this is right on the bistinguished path. Also ouchie, poor girl.

Abused i see. Holmes sees too but lets the topic drop. Not the time, but his spidey senses are tingling.

Holmes, muttering: don't you say Watson is stomping on his foot.

Poor girl again. She's so right. Also thanks acd for having denounced the way it was impossible or very difficult at the time for women to obtain a divorce in England.

Well, yeah, accounts of the mess follows and then a quick question to Theresa, the maid

WHOOOO has balls of steel. And tells our boys to be off. Well, to the dining room.

Poor Holmes. He wanted a nice CASE.

OOOH but he's interested! Well, for starters there's Pavarotti (thank @mostvaliantandmostpround for this) a body on the floor

Ouchie. Well, we can agree he's dead-dead.

And much better like this. An abuser. Great. Holmes' senses were right to tingle.

And Holmes isn't swallowing the burglars explanation.

weeeeird. Did they know someone?

MORE weird. Took few things. And seems UNLIKELY. And ooh? Three glasses? HALLOA!

He's INTERESTED. Very interested. Watson stop staring at him in that way, please, those are the original heart eyes™.

And a little deduction to raise the morning's morale, just to say!

But he's still Sad about the lack of interesting case for now... Poor Holmes, well, Hopkins is a nice man and knows how to do his job! Why shouldn't Holmes give him credit?

And now sorry... Watson has something to do

Like a detective to convince it's time for lunch (sent the letter around midday). He'll tell the rest of the story in another letter.

[it-was-me-sorry]

A Thing You Can't Touch

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A/N Hi guys !! This is probably this first fic I've ever written so it might not be the best, but I just love this grumpy old man so much, I just had to write him.

SO!! Quick Summary: This takes place after the events of the movie. Scrooge sees reader walking them home in the cold, lets them warm up in his home, and then invites her as his guest to Harry's Christmas party.

I SO hope you like this! If you have any suggestions, or want a part 2, please do let me know !!

---Word Count--4345-----------

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Winter was not the most popular season, and for good reason. It was intensely cold, chilling every townsperson to their bones. Work was scarce, and everyone was penniless. The short days seemed to drive most mad. Even so, Christmas was the one day that brought people together, and for this reason, it was your favorite day of the year. 

This year, though, was different. You had moved away from your family this past spring to start a new life in a bigger town. You visited often, somehow finding the time outside of work to make the trip back home, but this year, your boss had kept his employees for the holiday, and you weren’t able to convince him otherwise. 

So there you were, at work, on Christmas Eve, spinning cotton into delicate threads for a few measly pounds. You let yourself fall deep into your work, not allowing your sad and lonely thoughts distract you. You’d surely lose your job then. Your coworkers were doing the same, so the only sounds in the mill were the sounds of the machine. You had just over an hour left until you were due to go home when the entrance door was roughly thrown open, and your boss entered, hitting the sides of his boots on the doorway so as to not track snow indoors. You looked up for a quick second, startled, then back down to your work before your employer noticed. He shut the door, and cleared his throat to gather the attention of your coworkers. You paused your work and turned to face him.

“Attention employees,” he began. “I know you were all disappointed to be working today. But, I’ve decided to be quite generous, and let you leave an hour early. The snow is picking up quite a bit, I feel it appropriate to send you on your ways before it gets colder, so no one gets sick, and I can see all of your smiling, ready to work faces tomorrow.” 

A few of your coworkers gave quiet cheers, and your boss smiled at the crowd of employees. “Merry Christmas, everyone. Now, wrap up whatever you are working on, and please, get home safely.” With that, he passed through the room and into his office in the back of the building, shutting the door behind him. 

A missing hours worth of wages was almost devastating to you, but you didn’t let your emotions on this show, instead focusing your gratitude on being able to leave early while the sun was still showing it’s very last rays of the day. You cleared your workspace, grabbed your coat, and left. 

-

Your boss was not exaggerating. The winds whipped your hair around your face and chilled your skin instantly. You almost had to fight to take a step forward. You didn’t live too far from the mill, but the trip in this weather was still an intense journey nonetheless. 

You had only been walking for a few minutes, but your cheeks were bright red, and your fingers burned from the cold. You were walking alone on the cobblestone streets, everyone else smart enough to have kept themselves indoors during this winter storm. Your extremities were beginning to go numb, surely the start of frostbite, and you shoved them deeper into your skirt pockets as if that would warm them up. 

You debated on running into a shop for a few minutes to let your body regain some of its heat, when you heard a voice call out, “You there! What are you doing outside in such a storm?” 

You looked up from the ground, trying to find where the voice was coming from, and you spotted him. An older man, robes wrapped tightly around himself, and cheeks already rosy, was calling out to you. He was standing in the doorway of his ginormous house, the door shut slightly so that snow did not get inside.

“I’m just walking home, sir,” you answered, still walking. The wind blew a particularly strong gust, and you had to stop to catch your balance. The man frowned. 

“It is far too cold to walk in this weather,” he pointed out. “Come inside and warm up at least, please.” 

You stared blankly at this total stranger. Sure, the gesture was kind, but his intentions could be otherwise. You didn’t have much time to come up with a way to turn his offer down nicely, when he spoke again. 

“Please,” he repeated. “Before we both catch a cold!” 

You looked around you, as if searching for any excuse not to, but felt your feet moving to the door anyway. Once you were closer, he pushed the door open enough for you to come through, and he ushered you inside. 

“Come, sit by the fireplace and warm up.” He gestured to his living room, a nice, bright fire already roaring in his very expensive looking fireplace. In fact, his entire home was expensive looking. This man must be someone very important, or at least someone very rich. Despite this, the walls were mostly barren, lacking in decorations. His home was empty, except for a few pieces of furniture and photographs, and a large dog watching you from her place beside the couch.

You smiled at him politely, walking toward the fire. “Thank you, sir.” 

“Ah, none of that, please. It’s no trouble. You might’ve frozen solid out there.” He stood behind a chair, putting his hands on the back of it. 

You knelt in front of the warmth of the fire, lifting your hands to let the heat run over them. “It was very kind of you to invite me into your home for a few moments,” you started, turning to face him. “May I ask for your name?” 

“Forgive me, miss. How improper of me to not even introduce myself. My name is Ebenezer. Scrooge,” he added. “And might I ask for yours as well?” He offered a polite smile. 

“(Y/N).” You answered. His name felt very familiar to you, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on why. The fire was delightful. Your body was already much warmer now, and you were thankful that this stranger was as insistent as he was on getting you indoors. “You must have a family around with a house this size. Are they alright with an unfamiliar person in their home?” 

Scrooge had found his seat now, soaking up the warmth himself. “It’s just me, so I suppose everyone here is perfectly fine with your company.” 

You were slightly surprised. At this man’s age, and especially on Christmas Eve, you would’ve assumed his children would have brought their children over to celebrate the holidays. “Oh, they couldn’t make the trip?” 

He shook his head. “I simply do not have any family, besides my nephew. I’ll be spending Christmas at his home tomorrow. Don’t you have a family to spend the holidays with?” 

You gave a frustrated sigh. “Unfortunately, sir, my boss is expecting me to work in the morning, so I was unable to be with my family for Christmas.” 

“I see. I’m very sorry to hear that.” 

“It’s alright, I’m grateful for the opportunity to earn my keep.” 

You allowed yourself to take in more of Scrooge’s face. He was an attractive man for his age. You wondered what he looked like in his youth, and why he didn’t have a wife. “What do you do for work?” 

He chuckled slightly. “You must be newer to town. You have no idea who I am. That’s quite refreshing, actually. I run a loan and savings office with my business partner.” 

Your cheeks grew warm, and not from the fire. Of course, that’s why his name was familiar. You had heard all the stories of a cruel old man having mended his ways for the better. Scrooge had made a name for himself in this town. You were embarrassed to have not made this connection. 

“I moved here this spring, actually, and I’ve never heard of you,” you joked. 

“Well, that’s very surprising. You must live under a rock, or simply not get out much,” he countered. 

The air felt friendly and warm. The two of you continued bantering back and forth, and you were enjoying yourself, even though you had initially been very reluctant to enter this man’s home. He was a very pleasant person, you almost couldn’t believe the stories you had heard about his past. You were enjoying getting to know him, and you couldn’t lie, you enjoyed his face as well. He was quite charming, very polite, and your conversation was non-stop, no awkward pauses while you searched for something else to talk about. In fact, you kept talking long after you had warmed up, but after a while, you stood up, tidying your skirts. 

“Well, Mr. Scrooge,” 

“Ebenezer, please,” he corrected with a smile. 

“Ebenezer then. Thank you very much for letting me warm up here. I should be going now so you can carry on with your evening. Your kindness is very much appreciated.” You pulled your gloves, slightly torn, back over your hands. 

Scrooge stood up himself. “Let me walk you to the door.” 

You nodded. “Thank you.” 

Scrooge led the way to the front door. “Thank you for your company. Maybe I’ll see more of you around town, and you’ll actually know who I am,” he said with a chuckle. 

“Ah, but you have such a forgettable face. We’ll have to see,” you teased back. This was of course a lie. He was very attractive, and his grey-blue eyes were breathtaking, almost to the point where you didn’t want to look away. 

He pulled the door open. The wind had died down considerably, and only a few gentle flakes fell from the darkened sky. You tightened your scarf around your neck when you felt a hand on your shoulder. “Why don’t you join me for my nephew’s Christmas party? I know it might seem..odd.. Because we’ve only just met, but I would hate to know that you’re spending the holiday alone. We would all love another guest.” 

You looked up at him, blinking in surprise. Yes, this was quite odd, but what was more odd was the words that fell from your mouth. “Oh, if it’s no trouble, I would love to attend!” 

Scrooge smiled brightly down at you, his blue eyes shining. “Lovely! I look forward to it.” 

You agreed to meet him tomorrow back at his place after your shift, and then the two of you would make your way to his nephew’s place for his Christmas dinner and party. 

You left, waving him a smiling goodbye as he shut the door, and made your way home, excited for the first time this year for Christmas.

-

The following day, your shift couldn’t end soon enough. You were nervous, but excited for this party. For some odd reason, you were mostly excited to see Ebenezer again. You had brought your nicest dress with you to work to change into afterwards. It was a steel blue dress that accented your waist beautifully, and showed off just a little of your shoulders. You had also brought a necklace that your mother had given you before you had moved away, a gorgeous silver chain with a gem that matched your dress almost perfectly. 

The moment the clock struck 6, you excused yourself, running into the alley outside to quickly change your clothes, hopefully in sight of no one else. You took your old dress off, shoving it in your bag, and put the nicer one over your petticoat, smoothing out the wrinkles. Before you could get too cold, you rushed to get your coat back on along with your hat, gloves, and scarf. 

Finally ready, you slung your bag over your shoulder, and exited the alleyway to make your way to Ebenezer’s house. 

It didn’t take long for you to reach your destination. The weather today was considerably nicer compared to last night, and you were grateful. Once you’d made your way to the door, you rapped your knuckles on the wood. Almost instantly, the door swung open, and there stood Ebenezer. You were a bit taken aback. He was dressed quite nicely, a stark difference from the pajamas you had met him in yesterday. His hair was laid nicely back, a small chunk swooping across his forehead. He was wearing a lavish suit, black and forest green, and a matching cravat. He greeted you, and welcomed you inside. 

“Let me just grab my coat, and we can be on our way then, (Y/N),” Scrooge smiled, then turned away to make his way to his coat closet. 

“Thank you again for inviting me to come along. It’ll be nice to spend some time with people other than at work.” You thanked him. 

“It’s no trouble, I’m pleased that you were able to make it,” he replied, making his way back from the closet, coat already tossed over broad shoulders, and a fancy top hot atop his head. “Shall we make our way over?” He held out his arm for you to grab, as any gentleman might, and you took it, nodding to him. 

-

Scrooge led you outside, and down the sidewalk to make your way to his nephew, Harry’s home. This was so odd, but he felt compelled to invite you to this party after spending last evening with you. 

Recalling last night, he remembered looking outside his window at the storm. The snow was coming down in large amounts, and the wind blew strong and cold. He must’ve been looking outside at just the right moment, though, because he was surprised to see someone outside walking in this atrocious weather. He turned away for a second, minding his own business, but found himself looking back out to check on whoever was walking out there. Just as he did, he watched as they nearly fell, either having slipped on ice, or the wind having blown them over. He rolled his eyes. Who in their right mind would be out in this storm? But then, who knows how long they had been out there, and if they even had a warm place to be. 

He had found himself standing outside his front door, urging this stranger to come inside and warm up at the very least. And then he found himself enjoying her company immensely. Thus, led to him inviting her to this gathering, celebrating silently when she agreed to accompany him. 

He had met with Harry the next morning to let him know he was bringing a last minute guest. Of course, it was no problem, and Harry was pleased that his uncle had found someone to bring along. 

Throughout the day, as his worked his way through his errands, he kept finding himself thinking about (Y/N). How lovely she looked once she had opened up and was chatting freely with him. How her eyes had sparkled with every playful joke she made. He almost felt shame at the thought of a potential dance with her at the party, knowing he was at least twice her age. He was a gentleman, and would treat you appropriately. You were joining him at this dinner as his new friend. That was enough. 

And so the two of you made your way down the road, chattering as you walked. Scrooge enjoyed the sound of your voice, the cadence in the way you spoke, and felt his chest flutter with nerves. Friend, friend, friend. This was simply a friendly occasion. He was supposed to be doing you a favor, not allowing you to be alone on Christmas. But he almost wanted to skip it and just invite you back to his home to talk to you more alone without the distractions of a party. 

It didn’t take too long for the two of your to make your way to Harry’s house. Scrooge knocked on his door, and a gentleman opened the door, greeting the both of you and asking to take your coats. Scrooge handed over his coat and hat, and a few shiny coins as thanks. 

“One moment, my apologies!” (Y/N) was digging in her pocket, searching for something. You must have found it soon enough, and handed your coat to the man as well, thanking him. You turned to Scrooge, almost sheepishly. “I didn’t want my necklace to get damaged underneath my coat.” 

You raised your hands behind your neck to clasp the chain. Scrooge, for the first time that night, was able to see you fully. Your dress was stunning on you, hugging your curves where proper. Your hair was done neatly, it must have taken a long time, so you had to have done it before work, or scandalously, during. And your eyes were shining, just as they had last night. He felt his chest flutter again for the umpteenth time that night, swallowing thickly. 

“What do you think?” You asked, the necklace now fixed around your throat and your arms down by your sides. 

“You look..lovely. Absolutely lovely.” Ah, yes. Ever the gentleman. This answer seemed to have satisfied you, as you smiled up at him and took the arm he had held out. Go time. 

-

The night was going well. Harry had met you after you made your way from the mudroom, greeting his uncle with a big hug, and giving you a hearty handshake. His behavior reminded you of a puppy, and you were happy to meet him and his wife and new baby. 

Scrooge apologized to you, saying he would be back soon, but was going to greet the rest of the guests and catch up with them. You assured him that this was fine, and you would be alright mingling alone. And you were, having made quick friends with Hela and her small group of friends that she had over.

Guests had begun to dance with each other, as a small orchestral band played in the corner, and Scrooge still hadn’t returned. He caught your eye, mouthing you a silent ‘sorry’. You gave him a smile and a thumbs up, assuring him that he was alright, when you felt a tap on your shoulder. 

“My, you look extravagant tonight,” a voice whispered to you as you turned to see who had touched you. 

“Oh, thank you!” You responded, smiling sweetly. The stranger smiled back. 

“Do you mind if I have a dance with you?” His voice was smooth and charming. He held a hand out. 

“Ah, not at all! A dance would be nice, rather than standing around.” You laughed, placing your hand on the stranger’s. 

The band was placing a slower, romantic sounding song, so the stranger led you into a slow dance. He had introduced himself as Charles. He was a close friend of Harry’s from work. He was nice to you, attractive too, and as a bonus, was a good dancer. He was a bit too flirty for your liking, his hand moving ever so lower down your back, his other hand holding yours perhaps a bit too tenderly. Despite this, you continued to make conversation with him. 

When the song ended, Charles seemed genuinely disappointed, pulling away from you. “Perhaps I could have another dance before the night is over?” You agreed, assuring him that he could find you again for another song later. 

“(Y/N), hello.” Scrooge had made his way back to you. 

Your eyes shone brightly. “Oh, Ebenezer!” You smiled, turning around to face him. “How is everyone?” 

“Everyone is fine. All excited for the holiday.” Scrooge gave you a small smile back in return. 

Charles looked at you, at the way you looked at Scrooge, then to Scrooge himself. “Ah, old man!” He threw his arm around Scrooge’s shoulder, as if they were old friends. Scrooge glowered at him for a moment, obviously not liking both the name calling, or the breaching of his personal space. “I suppose you want a dance with her too, huh? Be careful, (Y/N), he’s aged quite a bit. You might have to lead.” He laughed and smacked Ebenzer’s back, then parted, waving at you as he made his way over to Harry. 

“What a dunce.” Scrooge rolled his eyes. 

The band started another song. “Don’t mind him. Would you like to dance? I can lead if you’d rather,” you joked, grinning.

“It’s been years since I’ve last danced, but I’ve still got it, I assure you.” He laughed back, taking your outstretched hand. 

He had you held out at almost arm’s length, as if he was afraid to touch you. He spun the two of you through the dance floor. “I don’t bite, you know.” You teased.

“Oh, well that’s exactly what I was afraid of. Now that I know you don’t, I can show you how it’s really done,” He countered, pulling you closer, to a more appropriate distance. This caught you by surprise, and you had butterflies almost instantly. 

This dance was considerably less quiet than your dance with Charles. You spent most of the dance staring into Ebenezer’s stone blue eyes. He was much more polite than your previous dance partner as well. Scrooge had held his hand at your waist. He was right, he was very good at dancing, and..were you blushing? 

All too soon, the song ended, and Scrooge pulled away. “Thank you for the dance, dear. It made an ‘old man’ feel young again’.” He winked at you, holding his arm out again, and you took it, laughing. 

You didn’t talk much to Ebenezer during dinner. You were sat across from him, but as the seating arrangements would have it, you were also seated next to Charles. He was very insistent on holding your conversation the entire time. He wasn’t unpleasant, and was actually quite funny if you were being honest, but you wanted to speak to Scrooge more. 

Eventually, the night came to a close, and guests began to head home. Scrooge excused himself from yours (and by extension, Charles’) side to bid farewell to Harry and thank him for the party. 

“Would you mind if I walked you home, darling?” Charles asked you as soon as Scrooge had disappeared. “I’ve had a wonderful time with you tonight.” 

“Oh, thank you for the offer, Charles, but Ebenezer has promised his company for my walk home! You’re so sweet to ask, though.” You smiled up at him, but faltered when you saw his glare. 

“I suppose you think he likes you, hm? You think that he’s taken you to this party as some sort of courtship.” 

“Well, no, I-” 

“You know all the stories of how awful that man was. I don’t think he’s changed. He just wants a pretty little minx on his hip to make him look good. And I bet he’s hoping to get lucky tonight.” He gave you a toothy grin. “But maybe that’s what you’re wishing for too. Well! I’ll be off then. Goodnight, (Y/N).” 

And you were left in stunned silence, watching him walk off and then out the door. You had barely had any time to recover before Scrooge was back at your side. “Are you ready to go? We’ll just grab our coats and be on our way.” 

You looked up to him, quickly glancing out the door that Charles had left. “Oh, uhm, yes. Let’s get going then.” 

The two of you met the coatman, and he returned the coats to their appropriate owners. You raised a hand to your throat, feeling the necklace. You needed to take off the delicate chain before putting your coat back on. You reached behind you, fiddling with the clasp, but for all the life of you, you could not get it undone. 

You were growing frustrated, and at this point, Scrooge noticed. “Ah, my dear, let me help.” Without waiting for an answer, he moved behind you. He gathered your hair and lifted it off of your neck, and masterfully undid the clasp, his fingers brushing your neck. Goosebumps rose up on your skin, and you shivered, but he did not notice. He held it out to you, a smile on his face, obviously pleased with himself for getting it on the first try. 

You looked down at the chain. In his hand, then back up at him. You took it delicately, returning it to the box in your coat pocket. “Thank you.” 

He held his arm for you, but you pretended to not notice, and walked ahead of him. He stared at you, puzzled, and followed, matching your pace. 

Of course Scrooge had just wanted you by his side for appearances. Charles was absolutely right. All the closeness you had grown to feel for this man had been replaced by hurt feelings, and you couldn’t bring yourself to joke and chatter with him like you had before. All he saw you as was some cheap brothel woman who would make his move at your doorstep. 

Scrooge noticed your discomfort almost immediately, but didn’t ask you about it until you two had made your way to your home. “Did something happen? Did you not enjoy yourself?” 

You refused to meet his eyes. “I had a lovely time, actually, thank you.” 

He frowned. “I don’t think that someone that had a good time would be acting so cold after the fact, don’t you agree.” 

You met his gaze now. “No, I had a great time. It was after that’s what gets me. It all makes sense! You just want some young lady to make you look like you’ve got it all, and then have a screw after. Well, I will not be that lady. Now, good night, Sir.” You turned your doorknob and threw the door open. 

Just as you were about to enter, Ebenezer grabbed your wrist. “(Y/N), listen-” 

You yanked your arm back, and Ebenezer looked sad, as if he were a sad dog that had been struck. “No, Mr. Scrooge. Leave.” And with that, you slammed your door. 

[not-poignant]

I hope you have a lovely day with lots of snacks

Tl;dr the day was not lovely but there might be snacks

I actually didn't have many snacks today but I'm about to make up with it with a couple of churros and dark chocolate dipped strawberries.

Today I...woke up and showered and replied to comments on AO3 for a while, and then I spent about 4 hours formatting documents into PDFs of varying sizes for Patreon and Ream and uploading chapter commentaries into compilations. And then I did more formatting stuff behind the scenes while I stared at all the other behind the scenes stuff I need to do and thought 'writing is a hard job' quietly and intensely.

I ate lunch while I was working. I also made some memes about how overwhelmed I felt, and then made some for my readers too, lol.

And then I laid down for about 4 hours because I also have chronic illness (whee) and I am constantly in pain and varying degrees of fatigue and I literally must lie down every afternoon so I don't collapse in the evening (literally) - and I did a tiny bit of reading (webtoon: Shutline (which I immediately realised I'd read before and didn't fondly remember), webtoon: December (didn't mind this)) and then dozed restlessly because it was 40C/104F today. I also edited a Tiktok art video in Adobe Premier Rush, but I haven't put it up yet, and I should really do that.

Got up and made ham and cucumber sandwiches for dinner, and watched Girl with the Dogs on YouTube while I ate, and a Smosh video.

Then did some more work and helped a friend with her work stuff, and then I watered the garden for 1.5 hours because *points tiredly to the heatwave* and stared balefully at the dark sky (you can't water during the day - it's literally a heatwave but also it's illegal here to water during the day) with its few stars because they'd set up a severe weather warning due to extreme winds in our specific area and it was dead AF and oppressive out there and it was just hot instead.

I watched a few Tiktoks while I watered.

When I hung the hose up back on the holder thingo, I sang to my plants: 'I hope you make the best out of the water I just gave you, you little fucks' like a sweet lullaby, and a person who I didn't know was outside next door because it was like 9pm and pitch black laughed softly and sweetly, like they didn't expect it, and felt kind of fond. I didn't know I had any nice neighbours on that side of the house, so I mostly just thought 'WHOOPS SHIT' and then felt too embarrassed to say anything.

And then I came back inside and replied to some asks (hi!) and am hopefully going to eat churro's soon and it's 10pm and so I'm probably going to do some more work and then I'm going to go to bed while I feel stressed about the work I haven't done (currently Palmarosa is the heart beating beneath my floorboards). I will probably keep reading December. It's okayish.

I don't know if I'd call today lovely, because I'm burnt out and I want to put up the Christmas decorations but it's 10pm and idk if I should start that because it tends to make me severely ill to do it for a few days.

I'm a little sad, a lot lonely, a little melancholic, a little grumpy, and a little very excited about churros and chocolate dipped strawberries. I resent days that are 'work and sleep' sometimes, especially during November. That's my fault. That's on me. I'm a mean and shitty boss to myself.

Gotta do something about this burnout at some point, because December is the worst month for my PTSD, but I also need to keep getting paid, because medical bills and food and stuff. So like...finding the balance there is a constant work in progress.

There were some lovely moments today:

That little laugh from the neighbour in the dark

The first yellow peach of the season

Doing tricks with my cat (who is trained) for treats

Making silly little memes

Helping a friend with work stuff

Replying to some amazing comments

Watching cute dogs

Feeling pretty accomplished at putting up those compilations on Patreon/Ream even if I'm not done yet.

I hope you're having a lovely day too, anon, with many snacks.

[lovelytsunoda]

under the mistletoe // alexander albon

summary: alex has the perfect answer to his girlfriend's seasonal sadness: keeping things festive and decorating the entire house, with a little bit of help from the cats, of course!

pairing: alex albon x female reader ( grumpy x sunshine! )

warnings: *sparkles* seasonal depression *sparkles*, alex being the bestest boyfriend in the world, cats trying to play with christmas ornaments, bad mariah carey-oke, alex thinking he's doing a proper striptease but really he's just making a fool out of himself but he manages to be sexy anyways :), daddy used in a non-sexual content (because alex is being a cat dad)

author's note: seasonal affective disorder is a bitch. why must i be unreasonably sad when it gets cold outside, huh? anyways, i think my mood would greatly improve if i had an alex albon, and that is all for today.

the bed was empty when she woke up, alex's side of the sheets still warm as she rolled over, burrowing further under the festive throw blanket that alexander had gotten down from the closet the previous afternoon. she dreaded leaving her bed, for reasons that she couldn't explain.

she didn't even want to look out the window, knowing that all she would see was the sad, bleak excuse of a british winter. if she was lucky, it would be dry outside. if she wasn't, it would either be damp as hell, or the saddest snowfall she had ever seen.

she could hear alex moving around downstairs, and she could smell breakfast wafting up from the kitchen. still unable to bring herself to leave the warmth of her bed, she curled up in the remnants of her lover's body heat, cocooning herself in the festive blankets as she tried to have a few more moments of peace.

there was s oft knock at the bedroom door, followed by the telltale added weight of a cat plodding across the bed before horsey nuzzled in to her chest, alex following closely behind with a mug of hot chocolate piled high with whipped cream and chocolate sauce.

"what's this for?" y/n asked, trying to sit up without disturbing the cat that seemed determined to make a home on her boobs.

alex sat down next to her on the bed, kissing her softly before he passed her the mug. "i know how you get when it gets cold, love. you've seemed. . .off, the past few days. i don't like seeing you like this."

she took a sip of the hot chocolate, just the perfect temperature. "thanks for being here, alex." she reached across horsey, who was mewling softly as he stretched his paws, still spread out across y/n's lap, so she could take alex's hand in hers. "sorry for bringing down the holiday spirit."

the williams driver shook his head, reaching to comb his lover's hair behind her ear. "darling, you're not ruining anything."

"i just know that you wanted to start getting all the christmas stuff out, and i'm not exactly in the mood to do that right now."

"that's okay, y/n. really. we don't have to do all of the decorating today, but i thought a little bit of festivity might help cheer you up a little. it worked last year, didn't it?"

she laughed, a small smile forming on her face. "what, you mean watching you and charles sing the justin bieber christmas album at george's holiday party? babes, that would put a smile on anybody's face."

"look at that, you're smiling already!" alex beamed, proud of himself for cheering up the light of his life, even if it was only for a fleeting moment. "breakfast is ready. i'll be downstaris when you're ready. take all the time that you need, love." he got up from the bed, pressing a kiss to her forehead before silently slipping out of the bedroom and gently pulling the door shut behind him.

she stayed in bed for a few minutes longer, cuddling the cat in front of her and finishing off the hot chocolate alex had made her. the first winter that they had spent together, she had been a bitch because of her seasonal depression. alex was a little shocked at first, worried that he had done something wrong when his girlfriend was suddenly quieter, bags appearing under her eyes. and once he found out about her disorder, he had done piles of research into how best for both of them to cope with it together.

when alexander found out that chocolate released happiness hormones, he took it upon himself to make sure that y/n was given at least one hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate suace every morning before she went to work (against patrick's better judgement, of course, with the performance coach suggesting that alex's master plan might also have been a way for alex to smartly get around the diet plan that he was on for training reasons).

it was something they were both getting used to, the seasonal sadness hovering over the two of them with each holiday season. but they were learning how to work around it, to work together. at the beginning of the year, around january when the winter was a little harsher than normal, and it was a little darker outside, y/n had impulsively dyed the money piece in her hair deep red, an endeavor that she thought would keep the sunday scaries away for a little longer. a decision that ultimately resulted in alexander also changing his hair to match. they'd walked into the paddock in march with bright smiles and matching hairstyles.

last christmas, y/n found that keeping her attention focused on the holiday spirit had been a welcome respite from her usual seasonal funk. because how can you be sad when buddy the elf is on your tv screen? alex had been an angel, organizing regular holiday movie marathons, sometimes roping in the other divers and their girlfriends.

she's never laughed as hard as she had after watching lando norris' impression of bruce willis' 'die hard' character. not shockingly at all, lando also thinks that 'die hard' is a christmas movie, a fact that y/n wholly disagrees with.

she slowly got out of bed, trying not to disturb horsey. it was a futile task, with the cat jumping off the bed and following her as she made her way to the walk in closet. alex had the closet put in just for her, or so he had always claimed, but his clothes took up a little more of the closet than hers did. one wall was covered with a floor-to-ceiling mirror, polariods of the couple taped to the mirror's reflective surface.

she got dressed, lifting the cat into her arms and scratching him under the chin as she made her way downstairs, where alex was humming along to taylor swift's rendition of 'santa baby', unpacking a box of christmas decorations and trying to stop the two cats by his feet from playing with the balls on the end of the santa hats he was holding.

"these aren't toys, gucci." the brit insisted, pulling the velvet hat over his scalp, the ball at the end resting on his shoulder. the hat was royal blue, a gift from the team when they had filmed their secret santa video back in abu dhabi. "but doesn't daddy look great in it?"

y/n laughed, looking down at the cat in her arms. "i think that your dad should a) stop referring to himself as 'daddy', because it's just weird and neither of us are into that, and b) should stop referring to himself in the third person. again, just weird."

"you're no fun. you hear that, goose? your mother thinks i'm weird?"

they held their straight faces for a minute before they both burst out laughing, horsey pawing at y/n's arm as he begged to join goose and gucci on the floor.

some days, y/n thought that alex took the cat parent thing a little far, especially when he referred to himself as 'daddy', but she understood why. alex wanted a family one day, three little kids running around. but they were both still young, with so much life to live before kids even came into the conversation. right now, the plethora of cats owned by the albon siblings was enough. seriously, who needs twelve cats?

"i'm glad you came to join me." alex said, eyes full of nothing but love as he held his lover close, his warm hands a reassuring presence on her waist. "you're just in time to watch me set up the tree."

"oh sweet jesus." she laughed, resting her forehead against his. "that's a four person job, alex."

alexander knew what he was doing. he knew that he would struggle with the tree, and he knew it would be hilarious, because he could make just about anything in this world amusing.

and his only goal for the day was to make y/n smile.

"sit down and have breakfast, then put your feet up and watch the show." alex insisted, taking her hand and leading her to the table "oh, and i have something for you!"

he came back moments later with another santa hat in his hands, which he tossed at y/n. "come on, try and be a little festive today. for me?"

"you're lucky i think you're hot." she chuckled, shaking her head as she pulled on the hat. "are you absolutely certain that you don't need help with the tree?"

"i'm fine!" alex replied, opening the large box as the song on the radio changed over, a ditzy nineties pop cover of 'christmas wrapping'.

"is this the spice girls?"

"is it?"

"um yeah. you should know, you worked for ginger spice's husband for what, a season and a half?"

alex laughed, beginning to set up the large tree. it was seven feet tall, with lights pre installed. no ornaments were ever hung on the bottom of the tree, because last year the cats had decided to play netball with the jack skellington ornament and almost brought the whole tree down.

"i'm just messing, babe! of course i know it's the spice girls!"

she picked away at the pancakes and powdered sugar with nutella that alex had made, laughing at the driver's attempts to assemble the varying parts of the christmas tree. for every little struggle, or moment where the expanding tree branches hit him in the face, or the moments where it looked like the entire tree was going to come down on him, she offered to help, constantly getting shot down.

she appreciated that alex was attempting to do everything himself out of respect for her boundaries and not wanting to push her if she wasn't in the mood, but alexander albon had a way of cheering her up with the smallest of actions. like trying to put up the christmas tree.

"alex, stop trying to stop me from helping. you're going to trip over one of the cats." y/n laughed, getting up from the kitchen table to rush over and help alex with the top piece of the tree, standing on a chair to help him slide the piece into place.

she connected the wire for the lights together before stepping down and putting and arm around alex's waist, her head on his shoulder.

"the living room looks much better with the tree, doesn't it?"

alex kissed her forehead softly. "feeling better?"

"much. thank you." she turned her head slightly, pressing up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his soft, warm lips. "have you opened the ornament box yet?"

"i was waiting for you, love. ready to decorate?"

"more than ready."

they got to work, unwrapping ornaments and feeding christmas tree hooks through the loops at the top, starting their decorating spree at least halfway up the tree so that the cat's wouldn't have anything to play with that could wreck the tree. y/n was putting a scale model ornament of alex's 2022 williams car on the tree when a very familiar song began playing, coupled with alex's off-key singing.

"i don't want a lot for christmas, there is just one thing i need."

when she trurned around, she couldn't stop herself from laughing at her boyfriend, who was using the star that adorned the top of the tree as a microphone.

"come on, darling! i know you knoe the words!"

"fat chance, alex. i don't sing, remember?" she laughs as goose and horsey meow in discontent before diving underneath the couch. "and it looks like the cats aren't big fans either."

"you know you love it." alex grinned, reaching for her hand as the chorus began to ring out.

"yeah, yeah i do." she grinned, singing along at a much quieter volume, a bright smile on her face.

alex beamed back. he was always so proud of himself when he made her smile. they were the living embodiment of the grumpy x sunshine trope that y/n adored so much, and he was more than happy to bring the sunshine into her life.

the tree was done, the maine's 'santa stole my girlfriend' playing softly as the duo played rock paper scissors to decide who got to put the star at the top of the tree. y/n won, alex securely clutching her waist as she stood on the kitchen chair to reach the top branches.

"babes, i'm fine." she chuckled, looking at the look of pure concentration that alex had on his face.

"nonsense. i'm supposed to look out for you, you know? alicia and my mother wouldn't be very happy with me if i let you fall off a chair trying to put the star on the tree."

she took a moment to grin before double checking that the star was on securely. "right, love, can you turn the lights on?"

alex flicked the tree lights on as y/n stepped off the chair, the entire room feeling a little more shiny and bright form the rainbow array of lights. the display even enticed all three cats back into the living room.

three cats who were promptly disappointed at the lack of ornaments they could play with.

"merry christmas, baby." alex said softly, kissing his girlfriend in the shadow of the tree. "i love you."

"alex, it is november."

"never too early to be festive!" alex insisted. "go sit on the couch, love. let me do something for you."

"oh god." y/n laughed to herself, making herself comfortable on the couch as one of the cats came to join her, curling into her side in a futile mission for body heat.

when alex came back, the top three buttons on his shirt had been undone, the flashing bluetooth speaker in his hand. he placed the speaker down on the table, music beginning to play as alex started to dance, swaying his hips and shoulders in a way that he thought was seductive.

he had watched hours of magic mike clips on youtube, as well as the sexy santa competition scene in bad moms christmas in preperation for this moment.

and the shitty dancing and gyrating and stripteasing was all worth it when he watched the way her face scunched up when she laughed, or the way that she glowed when she smiled.

"alex, baby, what the hell are you doing?" she managed to say through laughter.

"making my beautiful girlfriend smile." he laughed, taking off the santa hat and throwing it in her direction.

y/n just laughed, reaching to cover gucci's eyes, muttering something about how the poor cat didn't have to watch his dad embarrass himself like that.

"come on, it has to be at least a little bit sexy." alex insisted, extending his hand for y/n to take.

she took his larger hand in her smaller one, laughing as she allowed the driver to pull her off the couch so they could dance together.

a dance that ended with alex carrying her back upstairs over his shoulder in a cloud of giggles and laughter. the pair would not emerge from the bedroom for another hour and a half, time that the cats spent plotting the best way to get to the ornaments on the tree.

Tags: @daydreamingleclerc @magnummagnussen @flannel-cures @sidcrosbyspuck @diorleclerc @libraryofloveletters

[hazbinhappy]

If you wouldn’t mind doing a matchup for me, I’d appreciate it. Only characters I would like to avoid would be Adam & Valentino.

I am on the aroace spectrum. Demi for both. I am bi-oriented. My pronouns are they/them.

I am autistic so I have sensory issues. I also have social issues and would like to get a service dog specifically for DPT (deep pressure therapy, applying pressure to the body to help ground & regulate heart rate) and social interactions.

I am a big animal person. I have four pets in total right now but have had many and will have many more. I’ve had animals of all kinds, birds, reptiles, dogs, cats. I’ve even worked with horses before. Very big on animals. I prefer them to people.

I wouldn’t say I’m shy necessary, more so just traumatized. When I’m in a space I feel comfortable I’m very loud, very opinionated. I tend to use bullying as a form of affection but never let it go too far. I’m petty as fuck. I’m also very blunt and brash. In spite of that I do try to be kind and help people but if you ask me for my opinion I’m going to give you my unfiltered opinion. Yes, that dress washes you out give it away.

I enjoy writing, reading, drawing, and theater. I cook and bake a lot. I like to have things organized, obsessively so. I also enjoy dance. I specifically would like to try pole dancing but for a while I hyperfixated on swing dancing. Of course, I never had a partner though. I do try to maintain an active lifestyle by going on walks with my dogs among other things. My goal is to build up enough muscle to carry dogs of all sizes and a future partner.

My clothing style tends to lean alternative. I like blacks, purples, blues, and greens. I’m not a fan of warm toned colors but I will wear maroons. I like wearing tight fitted clothes and crop tops but I also have a special interest in historical fashion so I’ll wear just about anything.

In terms of a demon form for me specifically. . . I feel like I’d be a moth, a thylacine, or a bobcat type demon. I honestly don’t really care which as long as I get fangs because fangs should be gender affirming care.

Anyway, hugs and kisses if you want them.

- @am-i-interrupting

Your Matchup is...

Husk!

This was a bit hard because it was either him or Vaggie, but I landed on him! Mainly due to how you described your personality and I think you two would get along great and just :) i made it up to your interpretation if it's romantic or platonic! @am-i-interrupting

y'all would meet either through the hotel or during Alastor's seven year absence! most likely the latter so let's run with that for this

he was probably on his way TO the casino (as if he shouldn't just live there with how much he frequents it) when you guys bumped into each other!

one of your dogs who was a bit too friendly today decided to run up to the grump and ask to be pet

Husk being Husk immediately backs up while you're trying to apologize for the dog's action and explain it away, but Husk also isn't a complete asshole so he lets it go

but it's on his mind for the rest of the day.... and so what does he do? he takes that same path every day at the same time hoping to bump into you

after like the fifth time he finally pets the dog and you two maybe share a few words. maybe several dozen times later you two start to hang out a bit

once Alastor's back though you're sad to not have you're walking friend anymore

but when you heard Alastor was back and at a hotel you suspected that is somewhere where Husk bit be (good thing for hunches!)

i wouldn't say you'd frequent the hotel because it looks very far out, but on your more free days you might take the dogs out for a longer walk for them to see their grumpy friend

(As for the other pets, they do get to occasionally come, but only if Nifty is super busy. Only the dogs and cats aren't scared of her. Honestly I'd just be scared of her period)

"Well look who showed up here."

"You say that every week, fool. You should expect me at this point. Where is everyone?"

"Charlie and Vaggie are attempting to campaign this whole failure again, Angel is working, Sir Pentious is in that weird blimp, and Alastor is fucking somewhere."

"And Nifty?"

"Haven't figure it out."

"Good things I did not bring over the little guys then. Just the dogs."

You unclipped them from their leashes to let them roam around the main floor of the hotel, though they stuck behind the bar with Husk.

"Alastor still has you stuck here? Not even a little break?"

"Convincing that bastard to give me a break is like pulling teeth outta a bear. Never gonna happen."

"Man, fuck him. He's a weirdo asshole."

"One that owns my soul."

"Dumbass."

"Fuck you."

"Love you toooo."

A/n: Thank youuu XOXO (You also did my matchup which I really loved!)

[kidney9-9]

Not Today - Chapter 3

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Masterlist

-

You came back to the gym after staring blankly at your wall while laying down, three hours later. Certainly not the best time to be cleaning, since it was in the middle of the night (while you were supposed to be asleep).

You spent those three hours thinking about the two interactions you’ve had so far. And you’ve come to the conclusion that you might be some sort of an idiot, and he probably thinks you are too, which makes you feel a bit grumpy when you think about it.

You don’t want him to see you as an idiot. You’d like him to think of you as just, well… hopefully he would never think of you and never say anything to you because then you’d get over this weird crush feeling.

You could physically feel the crush too – it was miserable and reminded you of middle school all over again. It was called a “crush” for a reason, you were going to be crushed into a tiny little ball of bad feelings and you’d end up crying and listening to depressing albums while Aya tries to cheer you up with hugs and ice cream.

All you have said to this man, this beautiful and lovely looking person, is “Excuse me.” And you have already imagined about half a dozen scenarios with him, replacing your imaginary boyfriend from a show you loved with him.

After cleaning the two gyms, you arrive back to your floor around 4AM, way past your bedtime. You fell asleep without taking a shower or preparing for bed. Your dreams centered around him, and in the morning, your head throbbed whenever you imagined talking to him.

-

You got up about three hours later with rings under your eyes, reminding you of your dumb mistake last night. You groaned as you got up, feeling the crick in your bones rattle through your body and you shake off the feeling as you walked towards the bathroom to shower.

You tried your best to look presentable this morning but you could barely cover up all the darkness under your eyes and the red in your eyes. You kind of looked like a badass when you were in your robe, but in your janitor uniform, you look like a sad and tired worm.

Yes, that’s right, a worm.

You felt like you could be a worm right now, with how lovely the ground looks. Oh, you’d kill for a nap right now, as you dragged yourself through the hallways of the familiar campus.

Everyone was in classes right now, so it was the best time to clean the bathrooms and the cafeteria. You knew the cafeteria would be clean and spotless, but you offered to help them out in there as often as possible.

You cleaned the assembly rooms earlier today, after hearing from Nezu that he would like to give an announcement and a speech tomorrow to every class. You made sure the stage smelled like the products that Nezu loved to smell, which specifically was always floor cleaner and air freshener.

-

As you walked into the nearest bathroom, you ran into one of the kids, to where you fell back onto the ground roughly and the kid stared over you with a snarl on his lips.

“You idiot, watch where you’re going.” He spat out, and instantly you rolled your eyes at him, remembering who it was from the sports event – Bakugou Katsuki, the one who made you clean up so many explosions. There were charred marks on every wall in each gym because of him. You had to order a special cleaning chemical for it.

“Sorry, kid.” You responded, wondering if he would move so you could get up. It was a bit awkward, laying back with a kid screaming down at you, in your face.

“Why are you going into the men’s restroom? Huh? Are you a pervert? Fucking creep.” He continued, not moving an inch from his position. You felt your face form into disgust at his accusation.

“I’m a janitor – cleaning bathrooms is what I do.” You explained, casually twiddling your fingers as you waited even longer for him to move.

“So, you go into the bathroom I’m using? Screw you. Waste of my fucking time.” He cast back, anger still dancing in his eyes and it took everything in you not to start awkwardly laughing.

“Uh, sure thing. Hope you have a good day then. Goodbye!” You try to get him to leave, but he’s stuck there, growling at you like he’s some kind of animal. You finally let out a snort, which he instantly screamed at.

“What are you laughing about, stinky?”

You laughed even more at the nickname, since you were the complete opposite of stinky – at least that’s what you knew your quirk to be. It was a lame useless quirk but you could affect the way you smell or at least the area around you smell. You always chose to smell like something that reminded you of the beach.

“I’m laughing at nothing! Or – well, I’m laughing at myself, sure, that’s better, right?” You stumbled out in between laughs. He twitched with more anger, about to unleash some more ugly words at you as he stood over your body but he was interrupted.

“If I had known you were bothering our staff, I would have came earlier to drag you back to class.”

You stilled, feeling stunned as you slowly moved your neck to glance up to the other person towering over you. Aizawa, of course he was here. Bakugou was in his class right now it seemed.

You couldn’t say anything as the two bickered (or more like Bakugou shouted at him and Aizawa glared at the boy). You felt like you’d interrupt something important since Aizawa started to speak to him about respect.

“I don’t need to respect this dumb janitor, she ran into me. She should have been looking where she was going.” Bakugou argued back and you barely held back another laugh as he insulted you again.

The two of them looked down at you. Aizawa seemed to have recognized you but his expression was unreadable and Bakugou had calmed down a bit but he was still pretty irritated.

“Just leave our janitor alone, she is stressed enough.” Aizawa finally concluded the argument between them and Bakugou sighed and sent you a mean glare once again. You felt heat rush to your cheeks as this was Aizawa’s first time talking about you and he was concerned about your stress levels.

Well, this is not good, you thought. You would be daydreaming about this all day now and be distracted enough to not do your work. Even now, you weren’t doing your work and somehow it was because he was involved!

You let out a huff of air to yourself, irritated you let it continue so far, but you knew you couldn’t stop yourself from having a crush.

Instead of talking to them, you gave them a nervous grin and shouted, “Excuse me!” And you sat up, knocking into Bakugou once again and ran out of the bathroom and down the hallway.

Aizawa and Bakugou stared at your figure as you ran off and Bakugou was the only one to speak up of you, “Damn janitor hit me again.”

[artsyunderstudy]

Trope Grading Game

Heyyy! Thanks for the tag this morning @hushed-chorus you gave me a great alternative for WIP Wednesday since I got a head full of ideas and a word doc full of empty.

Also thanks to @stitchyqueer @brilla-brilla-estrellita @larkral @forabeatofadrum @ileadacharmedlife @wellbelesbian @prettygoododds @cutestkilla @cosmicalart @bazzybelle @aristocratic-otter for the tags today and yesterday. If you haven't done this yet consider yourself TAGGED!

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 - don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

Age gap: -1

Mmm, no? Especially not for younger characters, but like, its not a thing I seek or or actively dislike in general.

Codependency: +5

LOL yes, I'm into fics that explore this. Either in a fun way or in a serious way, because its interesting no matter what. I suppose sometimes if we're talking really toxic codependancy that isnt dealt with it might turn me off in the long run but it definitely will draw my interest in the tags.

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: +4

Complicated feelings. I'm kinda into it, so it definitely wont put me off, but jealousy as a trope can either be really fun in a story or really toxic. Like, I'm a little obsessed with Simon's jealousy in the series, because its not the kind where he gets mad at Baz, really, or lashes out at him, its very internal and about his own insecurity, but also really indicative of how very attached he is despite his assertions through wayward son that he was going to end things.

I love a bit of possessiveness as long as its not the kind that hurts their partner or turns really bad to the point of me disliking the character.

So, yeah, in most situations i'm a fan of exploring this, though I can't say I specifically look for it.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +8

Yes, definitely. I love this in a romance, its really fun to explore those dynamics. Like, IRL I think really good relationships have people who make up for each other's shortcomings, or balance each other, like if one is really impulsive it helps when the other is level headed or a planner, or else you just get an echo chamber of rash decision making (or, on the other end, no spontaneity!) I like seeing how their differences effect the other. It's a really fun dynamic to read about.

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +4

I mean, I'm a snowbaz fan so I gotta right? I do think though that the idea of true enemies to lovers is usually not done it a way that really works for me, because a lot of the time i cant see why these people end up together, because its all anger and hate lust and sometimes it doesn't ever evolve past that, or we just skip the bit where we see them getting along. Ideally theres enemies to friends to lovers, or at the very least friendship within the lovers realm.

I guess what I'm saying is they still need to like each other or else it make me sad.

Friends with benefits: +2

Ehhh is it benefits to full on love? I don't really connect with allo perspectives on sexual relationships, like I get them intellectually but I don't jive with them on an emotional level, so there has to be that emotional draw for me, that underlying romance. I mean tho, @fatalfangirl stacy is writing an excellent fic on this premise right now that I absolutely love because there are clearly feelings involved. But it also might fall more into the realm of the next trope on this list ... which is ...

Sex to feelings: +10

Oh yes yes yes. Pining while actively having sex is absolutely my thing.

Fake dating/relationship: -1

I am not really opposed. This is just a very romcom trope for me in that it rarely delivers really big honest emotions, its usually a lot of fun contrivance. Which is definitely a good time and has an appeal, but I generally don't take to these stories as much as others. I think its one that really depends on how its written, because I have read some REALLY good ones too.

Friends to lovers: +6

I like this a lot, I think it can have a good amount of tension when done right which is important for me in a story. Plus I love the slow burn of feelings, and also just the depth of emotion and comfort you get from friends to lovers, and sometimes it can be genuinely hard when one of those friends is dating other people, or if theres a really interesting thing keeping them apart. Yeah, I like it.

Found Family: +1

I don't feel a specific way about it, definitely not a turn off. I've read a few really really sweet fics that frame the trio (Baz, Simon and Penny) as found family, which is nice. Generally just fine about it.

Hurt/Comfort: +10

PUT IT DIRECTLY. INTO MY MOUTH. I am a fucking sap for hurt/comfort. It gives me the swoops. There is fucking nothing I like better than lovers (or almost lovers) comforting each other and taking care of each other, emotionally, physically, spiritually, whatever. It's sexy to me. It affects me deeply.

Love Triangle: -7

I fuckin hate love triangles actually, in all manner of media. Like, it's not a sure thing that it'll put me off a fic on sight, but I seriously can't think of any examples where this trope didn't make me deeply unhappy.

Poly, open relationships: -5

Mmm I'm very monogamous and also have bad history with open relationships so I definitely don't seek this out and it's generally a big turn off for me in a fic. But that being said I am deeply interested in the complexity of managing an open relationship (something sort of touched on in Someone Wicked) and there are definitely some throuples that I can totally get behind. I am allergic to most snowbaz throuples except sid/simon/baz (catch me one day writing some delectable threeway smut for Dre.)

Mistaken/hidden identity: +2

I truly don't know if I've ever read a story with this that like, really drew me in a specific way? I don't think this is a regular snowbaz trope either, and I admittedly don't wander too far from the snowbaz fic these days. I'm not opposed, just don't have a specific affinity for it.

Monsterfucking: +6

I like monsterfucking, but its gotta be tied to emotions. (Those emotions can be overwhelming incoherent ecstasy tho.)

Pregnancy: -9

I want kids and I like kids, don't care to read about them or pregnancy. That being said, I have read nearly every mpreg fic in this fandom (snowbaz) because you all are too talented and too fucking powerful. But it took me a while to click on them, generally.

Second Chance: +8

I do actively seek this tag out, because I am a sadist, but breakup angst also really truly hurts me. As someone who's a well known angstweaver (which I definitely just made up) most angst is appealing to me, delicious to read, exquisite, etc, but breakup angst wounds me deep ya'll. I hate thinking of them not together. I hate thinking of them thinking they are better off not together. I hate IT it makes me cry all of my tears.

But I love the path of recovery and finding their way back to each other. That shit is GREAT.

Slowburn: +10

Yeah baby gimme that pining. I love a slowburn because I love tension, and you get such good fucking tension when it takes a lot of work for them to get together. Also you just see more rounded, complex characterization because they are generally working through feelings and spending time together and just building up that relationship. And I'm a sucker for it, makes the get together all the sweeter. I love all kinds of burns, but slow burn gets me good.

Soulmates: +9

Yes, absolutely yes to soulmate fics. I also love a trope reversal here specifically, because there's a part of me that's also obsessed with the choice over destiny factor and seeing how that comes into play meaningfully, but I will say that the vast majority of Snowbaz soulmate fics have been really fucking good and it's a tag I purposefully seek out.

Also tagging @shrekgogurt @theearlgreymage @bookish-bogwitch @moodandmist @messofthejess @raenestee @facewithoutheart @martsonmars and @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

[khepiari]

Why Kuina’s Death Still Unsettles Us?

TW: mention of suicide, references teen/child suicide.

[I read a post about "falling down the stairs" might actually imply death by suicide. Kuina's death always bothered me a bit, and when Shimotsuki Koushiro said to Zoro, humans are fragile, did he really mean our bodies or our hearts? I still wonder. A few months back I had written a fic, a retelling of the events which led to Kuina's fall from the stairs, and I had done a lot of thinking while writing the fic. So all those ideas and thoughts I had then, have been rearranged and put here today.]

I remember watching the Kuina episode like 19 years back. So for an 11-year-old me, that was it. I was sad that she was gone too soon.

But over the years as I grew up, read the manga and then kept rereading it over and over. I did feel her death was surprisingly given the off-stage treatment that was given to Lady Macbeth! Only an announcement was made of her death, and her face is covered in a piece of cloth! That was too sudden, unlike so many other deaths that followed in the story.

I did brainstorm this over the years, it really felt odd, she was a physically strong 12-year-old girl and as far as I know swordswoman/man have to be good at balancing and footwork, because the art of the sword is about full body movement so her falling down is really really really iffy.

Image from chapter 5

And if we look at the Dojo architecture, there were no visible storeys to the building, I am sure she didn’t fall off a library step-stool or carpenter’s ladder. Then I found this Tumblr post, by Heeheemugee which said, falling down the stairs is a euphemism for suicide. Which makes sense! Like it totally connects in my head.

Though, sadly, I didn’t find any source to confirm this, as everyone on the internet told me it's untrue. But, you see, “falling down the stairs” is a euphemism which has been used for domestic violence victims, like in my mother tongue, when it's hard to explain to a child what happened to someone who died, we say the person has gone somewhere far, so may be falling down the stairs is more of an undocumented euphemism or an old reference Odachii picked from somewhere— he is known for this!

Image from chapter 5

Another thing we should remember Kuina was onset of puberty, the stress of future, her father’s general view of female body being weaker, and changing bodily features might have plagued her more than we think— since after 1000 chapters we know Zoro’s teacher is likely from Wano, I think internalized and cultural misogyny was at play too.

Teenage and puberty is a vulnerable time, one misstep can lead to drastic actions, so Kuina taking her own life is not farfetched. Because we have young children who are so stressed or vulnerable or suffering that they think ending it is better than enduring it.

Image from chapter 5

What has bothered me the most, is the offstage treatment of her death. I mean—we have seen most of the “characters whose death impacted the main characters' life decisions” die on stage in backstories so far, or we got a proper explanation of why someone is dead. We know Banchina died after an illness, Bellemere was killed by Arlong, Hililuk was poisoned and blew himself up. Only Kuina’s death we didn’t see, and it immediately happened just after both Zoro and Kuina had a heartfelt conversation about becoming the best swordsman/woman in the world!

I guess Oda chose “fell down the stairs” as the series was like 15 chapters till then. Or it maybe as simple as Odachii wanted to wrap Zoro’s backstory fast with typical “dead girl-friend of the grumpy emotionally suppressed lone wolf” to establish Zoro’s narrative as the one who carries the will of others!

Image from chapter 5

Otherwise, we know Eiichiro Oda doesn’t shy away from depicting gruesome, terrifying or horrible deaths which parallels real life issues, he sneaked in a little panel of a grandmother praying and a mother holding a knife with an infant in her arms in Wano arc, because they were starving for days!

Image from chapter 918

Or a pirate in human auction house biting his tongue to escape the humiliation of being sold as a slave!

Images from chapter 502

Hence, I think Kuina’s death doesn’t seem like an accident and feel like something sadder and heavier than we were led to believe.

[falderaletcetera]

determined to find something positive for my brain to latch onto today, SO

stardew valley mods, apparently, are it!

god bless modders though. I thought East Scarp was gonna be a smaller mod than Stardew Valley Expanded, but looking at all the optional add-ons... it really might not be. and I'm interested to see how a bunch of mods made by different people in collaboration with each other plays as opposed to one big mod made by a very dedicated nutter (affectionate.)

((I think it might help! I like SVE a lot but I've also played enough to have bones to pick with various aspects, and I think having individuals focussed on the specific characters and parts they really want to flesh out might be good.))

also extremely amused by the person who made four different "let me date that old man" mods. I'm definitely leaving off the wizard one, because I've been playing SVE and I kinda miss the vanilla wizard - and because, well, it makes me a little sad to have those upper friendship levels locked behind a dating requirement. but the marlon one might be pretty cool. and I deeply respect the modder's decision to make him grumpy and sweary.

the annoying thing, the difficult thing, is that there are in fact lots of characters I'm curious about, and in order to find out as much as I want to about them, I do have to date most of them. which. the first time I played the base game, I dated everyone in a fit of aromantic apathy, saw all the heart events, got a bit creeped out by some of them, then had to edit my own save file to dump them all because that wasn't a game option yet.

I can see that happening again and it's already mortifying. potential solution: attempt to play as a character and not as myself, and see where things take them. 95% chance they'll stay single but it tends to make the interactions a little more interesting anyway.

(it's a lot of mods to wrangle and hope they all still work okay, but I've been needing the distraction, so fingers crossed that happens soon!)

(am I still ignoring the game I bought my current computer for? yes. very much so. vesemir beat my arse in the tutorial and I don't yet trust a friend's assurance that playing with a controller makes it way better.)