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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #331

my head hurts way too badly to think up some intro lyrics, so just g’night.

Have you ever become good friends with someone you never met in person? Oh yeah, I've had best friends over the Internet. Hell, I'm closer to many online friends than I am most irl ones. They know "the real me" more. What do you consider your default mood to be? Stressed, probably. Discontent. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve ever kept a goldfish alive for? Not long. Proper goldfish husbandry is a very neglected topic, and I sure as hell never knew how to set up its tank adequately. Have you ever been paintballing? No, don't plan to. It looks like it hurts like a bitch. Do you want a large wedding? No. Did you ever collect any sort of cards? I had a very small collection of Pokemon cards. I didn't collect them avidly. What’re the best and worst books you ever had to read for a class? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton was the best. The worst was some book we had to read in the 6th grade about a kid during some war that moved around a lot... I don't remember the name or who wrote it, but it sucked. What’s the best meal you had at an amusement park, or If you haven’t been to one, how about a good meal at another place like a zoo, aquarium or museum? I don't know. I haven't been to many. Who, whether a person or company, emails you the most? My PHP therapist emails me a check-in sheet and Zoom link every day there's a therapy session. What kind of sound or noise freaks you out the most and why do you think it scares you? Let's seeeee... I don't know if there's a sound that actually freaks me out. There are some I don't like, but none that like, frighten me. At least that I can think of. What’s the strangest art piece you’ve come across? Biiiitch there's a painting in Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs I'm not gonna go into, but shit fuckin wild. What’s the most clever or unique name you’ve come across for a business? I've definitely heard some cool ones, but I don't know about one that really stands out to answer this. If you had to name one of your hypothetical future children after a song, which song would you pick? Maybe like... okay, I'm blanking. Good thing I'm not having kids to name then, right? What’s the last song you heard? "Down in the Park" by Marilyn Manson is on atm. What is your favorite line from a TV show? *shrug* Any current family issues? No. How many hours do you spend online a day? How do you feel about that? I'm doing something on the computer pretty much... always. I hate it, and I hate it a lot. I don't want my life to be tied solely to the digital plane. I want to do more than bounce back and forth from website to website. Do you think that people have the power to make their own lives better? Absolutely, but there are some things they simply cannot change. It's about perspective and how you play the deck you're dealt. What is the biggest problem in your life right now? Right now, the most limiting thing is my physical health, probably. Just walking being torture affects my ability to exercise, and my body is a major reason - if not the biggest, at this current time - for my depression. This also plays a massive role in jobs I can handle. Not to sound like my emo self writing middle school poetry, but my body feels like a prison. Do you feel that you are loved? I know I am by some people, though I have a hard time understanding why a lot. What is the one thing you want most from life? Life satisfaction. Pride in what I've accomplished. A regular state of being content. Birthplace? I'm just gonna say in eastern NC. Do you believe in love at first sight? No, merely infatuation. Love is much too deep for that. Do you think dreams eventually come true? Some can, but usually only if you put effort into making that so. Favorite fictional character? like ummmmmmmm have you heard of this sassy bastard called Darkiplier- Go to the movies or rent? Before Covid, I loved going to the theater. It was something to do, plus a giant screen is nice. McDonalds or Burger King? McD's. I'm not a big BK fan. I only really went there during my vegetarian phase for the veggie burger. Current annoyance? This motherfucking headache. Last thing you ate? I have a meal replacement shake with me right now, if you consider that "eating." I didn't have a proper dinner. The last solid food I had though was some cookies and cream Greek yogurt. Last thing you bought? With my own money, I think I bought Mom and I some cheap McDonald's order semi-recently? Or maybe paying my $100 deposit for my tattoo was most recent, idk. Soonest thing you are looking forward to? For Mom to get her CT scan and find out what's going on in there. What did you do today? It was a pretty average day. I woke up way too early, though. The only thing even semi-unique about today was I played World of Warcraft for a few hours again; I've been quite unattached to it lately, but I went through an episode today of actually having fun playing. Oh, and I've been battling a migraine. It's more of a severe headache now, at least, but it still sucks big time. Do you like to see it snowing outside? Oh yes, absolutely! When you were in high school did you ever have bomb threats? I believe once we did from a very volatile student that honestly caused quite a lot of trouble. He's dead now. Who knows ALL of your secrets? Nobody. Did you have a job before you were in college? No. Have you ever thought about what it would be like to have a baby right now? That's a terrifying thought, no. Are you on birth control? Yeah, but just because it tames my menstrual cramps. Without it, they could be debilitating some days. Who is your last sent text to? My best fren. Have you ever eaten at Chipotle before? Possibly? Idr. Do you swear often? Excessively. I had a dirty mouth prior, but my swearing got really bad when I started staying at Jason's house a lot. He and especially his mother swear like mad. Do you own any shirts with a peace symbol on it? No. Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? Not at this house, no. Would you ever go to Japan? Oh, yes. I would love to. It's... very morbid, but I would really like to walk the (public) paths of Aokigahara Forest, nicknamed "Suicide Forest" for the horrible amount of, well, suicides that happen there via hanging. Like, you might just casually run into a dead body. I want to just... feel it there, walk in silence and empathize with people who didn't know what else to do and hope so deeply that those departed know they were never alone in their pain. I know with absolute certainty I'd probably be teary-eyed the whole time and cry a whoooole lot, but it's just an experience I want to have. What was the last thing you went to Walmart for? Some basic groceries. What should you be doing right now? Sleeping, given this headache... I just don't want to yet. Are you afraid of getting your heart broken? I'm fucking terrified of that ever happening again, far more than words can properly express. Have you ever been in a choir? Yes, actually; when I was a Catholic kid, my sisters and I were in the church choir for a year or so, idr. Do you have a Twitter? Yes, but only to like Mark's tweets, haha. Oh, and very rarely enter giveaways I'm interested in. Describe your retainers to me, if you have them, that is. I have a permanent metal one behind my front row of bottom teeth to keep those straight. My upper teeth had one of those normal retainers you take in and out, but I didn't wear it enough, so now it doesn't even fit. Would you like for someone to call you right now? No. I'm tired, my head hurts, and I'm enjoying the song I'm bingeing. It's so weird, I rarely ever go on music hunting trips (no real reason, I just... don't), but I've found great shit lately. Do you like to brush your teeth? No; it's a chore. I only do it because I don't want my teeth decaying, falling out, or getting too yellow, and the taste in your mouth and gritty texture on your teeth isn't exactly great when you don't brush. Have you ever had a surgery? Two. Give out your phone number over the internet? I have over private messages. Do you look older or younger than you actually are? Given my wardrobe (like graphic tees and band shirts), I probably look younger in the eyes of especially older people. I personally say I look my age, though. When is the next time you’ll be up on stage? I never plan to be again. What is the last show that you watched a full episode of? Some cooking show with Mom. Nailed It!, I think? Do you know anyone who lives in Utah? No. I love Utah, though; it's actually a place I'd be willing to live in with just how pretty it is and not super populated. Do you get your feelings hurt easily? VERY. I'm probably one of the most sensitive people you can meet. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Ugh, yes. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? First we took those nasty, chalky Flintstones kinds, but as time passed, Mom moved onto giving us gummy bear vitamins that were perfectly fine. Did you get any compliments today? No. Are you friends with your neighbors? Not "friends," no. What towns have you lived in? Three different ones. That's all you're getting. Have you ever thrown up from drinking? No. Done any illegal drugs? No. I mean I've had some alcohol underage, but I've never done anything remotely hardcore. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? Idk. Who have you texted today? My mom and best friend. What time did you wake up this morning? Ugh, like five in the fucking morning. I couldn't go back to sleep. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. What do you have a habit of doing when engaging in a conversation with someone? Making shitty eye contact, and I'm one of those people who "talks with [their] hands." I also lose my train of thought a whoooole lot. Have you ever layed in a hammock? Yeah; we had one growing up. Have you ever lost a pet in a tragic way? How did you cope? Well yeah, I've had lots of pets, so thus lost some in particularly painful ways. The most scarring loss of a pet though is as follows: Teddy, my dog, picked up one of our cat's very young, wandering kittens in his jaws in a manner that looked as if he was trying to carry it like Aphrodite (the mother cat) does when she would bring them back behind the couch, where she gave birth/had her little "nest." I absolutely freaked and had to pry the kitten from his mouth, and it slowly died in my hands. I think Teddy accidentally crushed its ribs. I. Was. A. Mess. Then, there was Aphrodite herself. I've told the story before of our former neighbors calling animal control because our cats would wander through their yard, and all of our cats were taken away while I was unaware at school. Came home, and they were all gone. Aphrodite was my baby, so I was devastated. Screaming, sobbing, cursing on the porch for like 20 minutes... It was awful. What type of curtains do you like? I don't... know? I don't know the actual names of any types... What type of quality is a must-have in a friend? I absolutely cannot be friends with someone who thinks they're above everyone else. Are you any good at reading someone's body language? I think I am. What goes good with a nice cold glass of milk? Cookies! Especially Oreos. Dip it in there for around five seconds, and it's perfection. What fruit is too sweet to you? Grapefruit came to mind first. How did you feel after your first kiss? I had butterflies galore and was so giddy and smiley. After the first, I just wanted to kiss him a billion more times. What’s your favorite constellation and why? I don't have one. Shower curtain or door? Curtain. The glass doors are too revealing. Have you ever thought to yourself that you’re the luckiest person in the world? Most deeeeefinitely not. What time of day do you most enjoy looking at the sky? Sunset if there are clouds present, but sunrise if the sky is pretty clear.

#survey #surveys #questions

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nickburn · 4 years

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Things I Enjoyed in 2020 Despite Everything

Seasons Greetings! This year has felt like an eternity for so many reasons, and before it’s over, I’d like to take a look back on the distractions that got me through it. Along the way, I’ll occasionally point out where I was emotionally at the time and whether I got into a particular thing before or after the pandemic hit in mid March. I hope you enjoy this little retrospective of some of my experience during one of the worst years of human history!

Games & Mods

Might & Magic VI: The Mandate of Heaven

When I was making my 2020 resolutions list late last year, one of my goals was to play more old games in my backlog and not buy many new games this year. That goal largely went on hold, because, well, I sought out enjoyment wherever I could find it instead of forcing myself to play one thing or another. But before Covid, I was really enjoying my new playthrough of M&M6. I’d made attempts at it before, but it was really GrayFace’s mod that made the game click for me. Modern features like quick saves and mouselook make the game much more accessible, and I’d recommend it to anyone who wants to try an old-school RPG. It’s a great stepping stone into a mostly-dead genre. I’m hoping to get back to it soon. I just jumped ship to simpler ventures like Doom Eternal after the pandemic hit and haven’t looked back since.

Pathologic 2

I learned about the Pathologic series late last year and have since become a little obsessed with it. Hbomberguy’s lengthy video essay on the original game really intrigued me and lead me to trying the sequel/remake in April via Xbox Game Pass. In a weird way, it was cathartic to be a doctor in an even more dire situation than our current one and still see signs of the townsfolk trying to help each other deal with a supernatural plague and little help from their local government. The game helped me express a lot of what I was feeling at the time, when I was still getting used to working from home and wondering just how long this could go on for. I’ve gone back to it recently, and I’m hoping to finish it someday, if I can find a way to stop dying. Above all, Pathologic 2 teaches you how to make choices in no-win scenarios with little information or resources and still persevere, despite the world going to Hell around you. And that’s maybe the most important thing to practice at the moment.

Overwatch

I’ve continued to look forward to weekly Overwatch nights with my friends every Thursday, and it’s really important to have something like that right now. Even if it’s just a new episode of a show airing, a new video from a favorite YouTuber, or a regular Zoom call with coworkers, it helps so much to have something to anticipate from week to week and month to month. Otherwise, it’s really easy to feel like nothing’s going on besides the entropic deterioration of the universe. Overwatch itself helps with this, because it’s such a positive, bright, and optimistic game, as only Blizzard can create. And it’s improved a ton in the past couple of years, in a lot of ways. If you haven’t played in a while, hop in and check out all the new content with your friends; I think you’ll have a great time. It’s looking more and more like Overwatch 2 is right around the corner, and I’m very much looking forward to it.

I learned how to play Go after watching a documentary released this year about AlphaGo, the computer that beat the Go world champion, and I have a huge appreciation for the game now. I think it’s even more beautiful than chess, though even more insidious to learn. If you haven’t played before, start with a 9x9 board, teach yourself the basics, and try playing with another beginner friend. I guarantee you’ll be amazed at the amount of strategy and imagination that a game ostensibly about placing black and white stones on a grid can inspire. Go’s one of several new hobbies I’ve picked up this year, and those new hobbies have really helped me pass the time in a way that feels productive as well as take my mind off whatever depressing news just got blasted across Twitter.

Doom 64

Doom Eternal was fine, but Doom 64′s where my heart lies. The PC port on Steam is great, allowing everyone to easily play the game with mouse and keyboard. Its levels are tight and colorful, often asking the player to backtrack multiple times through the same areas to unlock new ones and take on whatever new twists await down each darkened corridor. It’s a surprisingly fresh experience. Unlike many modern Doom mods that strive to be sprawling marathons, 64′s levels are short but memorable, and the game is a great entry point to the series for newcomers because of that. Retro FPS’s continue to inspire and entertain me, and Doom 64 is one of my new favorites.

Golf With Your Friends

I’m not usually that into party games, but Golf With Your Friends strikes the right balance between casual tone and skill-based gameplay. The maps are vibrant and devious, the different modes are creative and often hilarious, and the pacing is near-perfect. If you’ve got a squad itching to play something together for a few nights, I guarantee you’ll have a lot of laughs trying to knock an opponent off the course or turning them into an acorn just as they’re about to attempt a nasty jump.

Quake 1 Mods

I probably sound like a broken record by now to a lot of you, but I won’t rest until I get more people into retro FPS’s. The outdated graphics and simple gameplay can be off-putting at first, but it doesn’t take long at all to get hooked after you’ve played the likes of excellent mods like Ancient Aliens for Doom 2 or Arcane Dimensions for Quake 1. And it’s only getting better, with this year marking probably the best year for Quake releases ever. The industry even seems to be taking notice again, with many talented mappers getting picked up for highly-anticipated, professional indie projects like Graven and Prodeus. And while the marketing around the retro FPS renaissance as the second coming of “boomer shooters” should be much maligned, the actual craft involved in making mods and brand new games in the genre has never been stronger. I even contributed four levels to the cause this year, but you’ll have to play them yourself to decide if they’re any good: https://www.quaddicted.com/reviews/?filtered=burnham.

Streets of Rage 4

I had not tried Steam Remote Play before this year, but it works surprisingly well if you have a decent internet connection. Because of Remote Play, I was able to complete Streets of Rage 4 with my friends, and it was very close to the experiences I had as a kid playing brawlers like Turtles in Time on the Super Nintendo. The game is just hard enough to make you sweat during the boss fights but just easy enough that the average group of gamers can complete it in a night or two, which is ideal for adults with not a lot of free time.

Hard Lads

Hard Lads is a pure delight of a game by Robert Yang about the beauty of a viral video from 2015 called “British lads hit each other with chair,” which is even more ridiculous than it sounds. It made me smile and laugh for a good half hour, and I think it’ll do the same for you.

Commander MtG

The Commander format for Magic: the Gathering is one of my favorite things, and in 2020, I dug into it more than any other year. More so even than playing or watching it being played, I created decklists for hours and hours, dreaming up new, creative strategies for winning games or just surprising my imaginary opponents. I sincerely believe this little ritual of finding a new legendary creature to build around and spending a few days crafting a brew for it got me through the majority of this summer. I didn’t have a lot of creative energy this year, but I was able to channel the little I did have into this hobby. Especially during the longer, more frustrating or depressing days at work when I had nothing else to do or just needed a break, I could often dive back into card databases and lose myself in the process of picking exactly the cards that best expressed what I wanted to do for any given deck. And it’s nice to know I can always fall back on that.

Yu-Gi-Oh!

I played a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh! growing up but never had the cards or the skill to be particularly good at it. I just knew I enjoyed the game and the 4Kids show, but I quickly them behind when I got to high school. Fast forward to 2020, and the game and franchise have evolved substantially, not always for the better. But I do find it so intriguing, with a skeptical kind of adoration. It’s not nearly as well-supported as Magic, but what it does have are gigantic anime monsters on tiny cards with enough lines of text to make your head spin. And it’s so interesting to me that a franchise like that can continue to thrive alongside more elegant games like the Pokemon TCG and Hearthstone. And the further I’ve delved into how the game has changed since I stopped playing, the more invested I’ve become, going so far as to start buying cards again and looking into possible decks I might enjoy playing. An unequivocal win for Yu-Gi-Oh! is Speed Duel, which seeks to bring old players back to the game with a watered-down, nostalgia-laden format with fewer mechanics and a much smaller card pool. So if all you want to do is pit a Blue Eyes White Dragon against a Dark Magician, that’s 100% still there for you, but the competitive scene is still alive, well, and astoundingly complicated. And I think that’s kind of beautiful.

Black Mesa

I wasn’t expecting to have the tech to play Half Life: Alyx this year, so Black Mesa seemed like the next best thing. And it really is a love letter to the first game, even if it’s far from perfect. I even prefer the original, but I did very much enjoy my time with this modern reimagining. If you’ve never played a Half Life game before, I think it’s a great place to start.

VR via the Oculus Quest

Around halfway through this year, I started to get really stir crazy and yeah, pretty depressed. It seemed like I’d be stuck in the same boring cycle forever, and I know for a lot of people, it still feels like that. So VR seemed like the perfect escape from this dubious reality where you can’t even take a safe vacation trip anymore. And you know, I think it works really well for that purpose. The Oculus Quest is especially effective, doing away with cords or cables so you have as much freedom as you have free real estate in your home. I don’t have a lot of space in my studio apartment, but I have enough to see the potential of the medium, which is completely worth it. Next gen consoles are neat and all, but I’ve got my heart set on picking up the Quest 2 as soon as possible.

* Beat Saber

I was most looking forward to trying Beat Saber on the Quest, and I was not disappointed. You’d think rhythm games had reached their peak with Rock Band and DDR, but the genre keeps on giving with gems like this. It’s hard to convey if you’ve never tried it, but the game succeeds so well in getting your entire body into the rhythm of whatever song you’re slashing through.

* Half Life: Alyx

Again, I really did not expect to be able to experience this game as intended this year, and I still don’t think I really have. The Oculus Link for the Quest is admittedly a little janky, and my PC barely meets the minimum specs to even run the game. And yet, despite that, Alyx is one of my top three games of 2020 and maybe one of my all-time favorites. Even as I was losing frames and feeling the game struggle to keep up with all the AI Combine soldiers running around, I was still having a blast. For me, it is one of the best reasons to seek out and own VR and a pinnacle of game design in its own right.

Hades

For me, Hades has mostly been similar to every other Supergiant Game that I’ve played: fun and well-polished but ultimately not engaging enough to play for very long. And there’s always this sheen of trying to be too clever with their dialogue, narration, and music that rubs me the wrong way. But Hades is certainly their best game, and I can’t deny the effect it’s had on people, much like Bastion’s reception back in 2011. And I’m really hoping Hades gets more people into roguelikes, as a more accessible and story-driven approach to the genre. Timing-wise, I wish it hadn’t come out around the same time as Spelunky, because I think it did make some people choose one over the other, when the best choice is to play both and realize they’re going for very different experiences. The precise, unforgiving, arcade-like style of Spelunky isn’t fun for everyone, though, and Hades is thankfully there to fill in that gap. I’m really glad I found more time to play it this year at least to succeed on one escape attempt; it’s a fun game to think about in a game design context. And I do think the game has a lot of merit and is doing some clever things with difficulty that the studio likely could not have honed nearly so well without the help of Early Access. The most impressive part of the game to me is not the story or the music or the combat but the massive amount of contextual dialogue they somehow found time to program, write, and record at a consistently high level. All of this is just to say, Hades is obviously one of the best games of the year, and you should play it if you have any interest in it at all.

Spelunky 2

I’ve spoken a lot about this game on Twitter, so I’m not going to rehash much of that here. For me, it’s been a journey of over 1,000 attempts to learn the intricacies and secrets of a deep and demanding game that’s been as frustrating as it’s been rewarding. But it remains a constant source of learning and discovery as well as mastery and pride for me, and I still have hopes of reaching the Cosmic Ocean and getting all the trophies someday. It’s been a joy to watch other Spelunky players too, even as some fair worse than me and others fair far better. And the Daily challenge keeps me coming back, because seeing my name high up on the leaderboard just makes me feel so damn good (or at least I’ll get a good laugh out of a hilarious death). At its heart, Spelunky is a community endeavor, and I think it succeeds at that better than almost any other game this side of Dark Souls. I think it is my Game of the Year or at least tied with Alyx, I really can’t decide. If you don’t think you’d enjoy it, all I’ll say is, the frustration and difficulty are integral to the experience of discovery and surprise, and your brain is better at video games than you think.

Chess

Okay, yes, I watched and enjoyed The Queen’s Gambit, but I think 2020 had already primed people to get into chess this year regardless. Like Yu-Gi-Oh!, chess was a childhood pastime of mine that I really enjoyed and then quickly left behind as I discovered things like music and the internet. If I had to assign a theme to my 2020, it would be rediscovering old hobbies to remind myself how good life actually is. And now I’m more committed to chess than I ever was before. I’m watching international masters and grand masters on YouTube (as well as the incomparable Northernlion), I’m playing regularly on Chess.com, and I’m even paying for lessons and probably my own theory books soon. Like most fighting games, chess is a complicated form of dueling a single opponent with zero randomness, so mistakes are always on you. And modern chess platforms offer extremely good analysis tools, showing you exactly how, when, and why you screwed up so you can do better next time. Like Hearthstone, it’s a quick, addicting, tense, and rewarding way to train your brain and have fun. And it seems more popular now than ever, in part due to a certain Netflix original TV show...

The Queen’s Gambit

I think a lot of people want to be Beth Harmon, even if they know they shouldn’t. It must feel so good to be the best at something and know you’re the best, even while under the influence of certain substances. It’s what makes characters like Dr. Gregory House so fun to watch, though you’d never want to work with the guy. For me, anyway, I always wanted to be a prodigy at something, and what little success I’ve had made The Queen’s Gambit very relatable to me. More so, it’s easy to relate to growing up in a conservative environment with few real friends and fewer outlets of expression, only to realize you’ve finally found your thing, and that no one can take it from you. That’s mostly what I’m going to take from The Queen’s Gambit anyway, more than chess or the Cold War commentary or the problematic relationships Beth has with her cadre of rivals/boyfriends. The show gets a strong recommendation from me for fans of chess as well as lovers of optimistic coming-of-age stories.

March Comes in Like a Lion

Similarly, March Comes in Like a Lion features a protagonist who is scarily close to a version of myself from like eight years ago. My best friend has been urging me to watch this show for years, and I’m still only a few episodes in. But I love how it portrays a young person who’s moved to a big city away from home for the first time, with nothing more than some meager possessions and the hopes of becoming the best in the world at something. And Rei is not confident in himself or outgoing at all, he’s extremely depressed despite pursuing his dreams and trying to distance himself from his somewhat toxic family. It’s a great reminder that the smallest kindnesses can often change our entire perspective on the world, and that even the people that seem the most well-equipped to handle life often still need help. I’ve been very fortunate to have people like that despite mistakes I’ve made, and I hope to be that person for others too.

Umbrella Academy

I’m pretty burnt out on superheroes, but UA put a good enough spin on them that they felt brand new. The show is rough in places, but it’s surprising in some really clever ways. And the comics are some of the wildest stories I’ve ever read, like Hitchhiker’s Guide meets Watchmen.

HunterXHunter

I binged about 100 of the 148 episodes of HxH this year, which I recognize is not a significant number in the wider world of long-running shounen anime, but it’s quite an undertaking for me to finish a show of this length. The series goes places I never expected and made me care so strongly for characters I thought I’d hate at first. It’s the smartest and most endearing show about a band of misfits going on crazy adventures and punching people for the good of the world that you’re likely to find.

Hannibal

This is the rare show that’s simultaneously comforting and nightmare-inducing if watched for extended periods. I can remember nights after binging a few episodes where I couldn’t get many of the disturbing images out of my head. Fair to say, Hannibal is not for the faint of heart, nor is it without some low points. But for those who enjoy gory thrillers or gritty detective dramas, it’s a must-watch.

Yu-Gi-Oh! Original Series, English Sub

You can probably imagine my surprise as I discovered this year that the Japanese version of the Yu-Gi-Oh! anime is not only much better than the 4Kids version we got in the States, but it’s actually a decent show. The plot makes much more sense, it’s more interesting, the stakes are higher, the voices are better, and overall it’s just more enjoyable to watch. I don’t know if I’ll stick with it long enough to finish it this time, but this is definitely the way I’d do it and would recommend to others.

Fargo Season 4

It’s a miracle we even got another season of Fargo this year, let alone on time and of the same high quality as the first two seasons. It has a great setting, cast, and conflict. I love Chris Rock, and it was so cool to see him act so well in such a serious role. There’s a Wizard of Oz homage episode that is nearly flawless. And the post-credits scene at the end of the season is just the cherry on top. If you haven’t checked out Fargo by now, you are really missing out on some of the most interesting stuff happening in TV. I can’t wait to see what Noah Hawley does with the Alien franchise.

Movies

Cats

I had to include this one because it was the last full movie I saw in theaters before the pandemic hit. I technically went to Sonic too, but my friends and I walked out after about 30 minutes. The less said about that movie, the better. Cats, though, is a strange and curious beast (pun intended), adapting an already unruly animal (pun intended) to the big screen and yowling to be recognized (pun intended). But for every awkward or embarrassing scene, there’s one of pure joy and magic, like the extended ballet sequence or Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat. The film knows exactly what it is and leans into it hard, like a familiar yet slightly insane feline begging to be stroked, which I imagine is exactly what fans of the musical wanted.

Children of Men

There’s not much I can say about this film that probably hasn’t been said better elsewhere. I was intrigued to watch it when I learned it was one of my friend’s favorite movies. And I have to say, it’s really profound in a prescient way. Clive Owen gives one of the best performances I’ve ever seen. You should watch it, but only when you feel like taking a severe hit to the feels.

Basic Instinct

Vertigo is probably still my favorite film, so when I learned this year that Paul Verhoeven made a bloody, sex romp homage film to it in the 90s with Michael Douglas starring, I simply had to watch it. And you know, it’s not bad. It’s nowhere near as good as Vertigo, and you can see the ending coming a mile away. But what it does have is the immaculate Sharon Stone, who you cannot take your eyes off for the entire movie. And the movie knows it, making her look as alluring and suggestive as her character is to the detective investigating her. You could do worse than to watch it, just don’t expect any of Hitchcock’s subtlety or looming dread to seep into the final product.

Books

Dune

I finally finished Dune this year, and I can genuinely say it lives up to the hype. It’s not the easiest book to get through, but it’s by no means one of the most difficult either. I’m still bummed that the new film was delayed, but it might give me time to read the rest of the original book series.

The Fifth Season

Another fantastic piece of fiction, I cannot recommend this book enough. N.K. Jemisin is one of the best living authors of our time. If you want an original setting with a brilliant magic system and complex, compelling characters, look no further.

Video Content

Northernlion

I’ve been a fan of NL for years, though I’ve never been that into The Binding of Isaac. He just has a charismatic intelligence to him that sets him apart from most “Let’s Play” YouTubers to me, and he’s very funny to boot. I guess I’d say he seems a lot like me or the person I could picture myself being if I were a professional video content creator. So I was really excited for NL’s series of Spelunky 2 videos, and I still watch them every day, months later. And now he’s teaching me how to get better at chess, being a good 600 ELO higher than myself at the moment. His sarcastic and improv-laden banter have withstood the test of years and gave me some much-needed comfort and laughter in 2020. Somehow, the man even found a way to keep up his prolific output this year while raising his firstborn child. There are those who said it couldn’t be done...

The Command Zone - Game Knights

Josh Lee Kwai and the rest of the crew at The Command Zone continue to put out some of the most well-produced tabletop gameplay videos on the internet. It’s perhaps no surprise, seeing as how Lee Kwai created trailers for such blockbuster films as Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World and Jimmy Wong had a supporting role in the live action remake of Disney’s Mulan. But the crew around the two hosts are just as important and talented, and it’s clear that they all share the same singular vision for the channel’s future. They’ve carefully crafted a team of expert editors, animators, cosplayers, and voice actors to deliver one delightful video after the next at a consistently high level. If you’re into Magic: the Gathering at all, you simply need to watch Game Knights.

Cimoooooooo

I found Alex Cimo’s channel shortly after the algorithm learned I was interested in Yu-Gi-Oh! again, and at first, I was less than impressed with him. But it’s clear to me now that he not only loves what he does, he’s an expert Yu-Gi-Oh! player and analyst. Plus, he’s very good at explaining some of the more complex concepts in the game in a way that newcomers can understand. I’ve watched every new episode of The Progression Series and The History of Yu-Gi-Oh! so far, and they’re the best way I’ve found to learn how the game developed and changed over the last 20 years.

Team APS

This is another great Yu-Gi-Oh! channel, focusing more on skits, gimmick videos, and casual games rather than analytical or theoretical content. Mostly, they seem like a really great group of friends that just have a blast playing Yu-Gi-Oh! together, and their love for the game makes me want to play more too.

Tolarian Community College

Somehow, a community college English professor’s channel went from a quirky little deckbox review platform to the most popular Magic: the Gathering channel on YouTube in only a few years. But it’s easy to see why when Brian clearly loves what he’s doing more than most people ever will. He’s not only a fantastic reviewer and MtG scholar, he’s one of the most outspoken voices for positive change in the community and the game. Is he too hard on the Magic team at Wizards of the Coast? Perhaps, but without his measured and well-reasoned takes on all things Magic, I think we’d be much worse off.

IRL

Cooking

Even I get tired of eating the same things every day, so I’ve taken it upon myself to learn how to make more dishes, mostly out of sheer boredom. And I know I’m not alone in that, but I have to say it’s been a rewarding and fun adventure. It’s really surprising what you can throw together with a decent recipe and a little creativity in a modest kitchen when you decide to break away from the microwave for once.

Chinchillin’

Like many people, I felt that I needed a pet to survive this year, and I’ve always wanted a chinchilla. So I took a risk and bought one from a seller on KSL a few months ago, and my life has definitely changed for the better. No longer simply alone with my thoughts all day, I have a furry little companion to commune and bond with. And it’s more difficult to find time to feel sorry for myself when a basically helpless tiny creature depends on me for almost everything. Not to say it’s been a perfect experience however, people don’t say chins are difficult to care for for nothing. And I have learned more about them than perhaps I ever cared to know before, but that’s only made them more interesting to me as a result. Overall, I would recommend them as pets, just be prepared to give them a lot more time and attention than you would to say, a fish or a hamster. I’ve seen the commitment compared to that of a large dog, and I think that’s fair, though chins seem far more difficult to train and are far less cuddly. Basically, imagine a fluffy, super fast squirrel that can jump half your height, shed its fur at will if grabbed too tightly, that sleeps all day and bathes in dust, and that cannot get wet or too hot or eat 99% of human foods without serious complications. And they get lonely, and they all have their own surprisingly distinct personalities, some shy and mischievous, others bright and social, and everything in between. But I’m glad to be part of my little buddy’s life and hope to make it a long and enjoyable one for him. Part of why I wanted a chinchilla so badly is they typically live between 10-20 years, much longer than the average rodent or even many cats and dogs. And they’re sadly endangered in the wild, poached for their incredibly soft fur, which is why I believe it’s critical that we care for and learn more about them now. And above all, I adore my chinchilla’s antics, even when he continually tries to dig up and eat the paper bedding below his cage when I’ve provided perfectly edible hay and pellets for him in much easier to reach locations.

And that’s all, folks...

If you’ve read this far, know that I really appreciate it and hope you learned something new about yourself, art, or the world. And please do let me know what’s kept you going the most this year too, as I suspect I’ll still be searching for new distractions next year, even after I’m able to get a Covid vaccine injection. As Red Green would say, we’re all in this together, and I’m pullin’ for ya. <3

#2020 #hobbies #art #youtube #reviews #entertainment #games #books #film #tv #netflix

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morepokemonimagines · 5 years

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Fade In

This was inspired in-part by a scene in the music video for Fade In/ Fade Out by Nothing More. I have an OC for SwSh, and if I ever actually write a full story with her, I’ll likely end up using this scenario for it. But, since I don’t know if that will ever happen, I’m leaving her name out of this for now. I mean, it is kinda weird not mentioning a name in this, but I figured it would be easier for people to project their own OC’s onto this if they want to if I didn’t.

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Piers and his girlfriend had been together three years now. They had met during the end stages of that year’s Gym Challenge when her booth outside of Wyndon Stadium had caught his eye. There were always a lot of booths set up out there every year because the event drew people in droves from all over Galar and even some from other regions, and Piers would use some of what little free time he had to browse through each one because he enjoyed supporting people trying to do their own thing. She was selling some of her paintings at her booth, and Piers was seriously impressed with her work. They ranged from realistic to surreal and expressionist, but they were all dark in nature and done with immense skill and detail. They certainly weren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but they drew Piers in immediately. The two of them ended up spending a lot of time talking about the various pieces she had on display; her inspirations for them, the message they were trying to convey, what techniques she used, and so on. He ended up getting so wrapped up in their conversation that a member of the League Staff actually had to come find him so he wouldn’t be late for his match.

He ended up winning his first match, but it was pretty obvious his head wasn’t in the game. His reaction speed was slower than usual and he was making mistakes he normally wouldn’t. His second match was less forgiving and he ended up losing, but he didn’t really mind that much. While he wanted to show off how good his pokemon could be without dynamaxing, he didn’t want anything to do with that whole Champion business. If he had managed to make it all the way to the finals, he would have just ended up throwing the match in the off chance he got too close to winning for his comfort.

Now that he was free from the event and could do as he pleased since he didn’t care enough about anyone still participating to stick around this year, he decided he would go back to her booth and talk to her again. He usually wasn’t very talkative to people he didn’t know, but something about her made him feel so at ease that he had no problem at all talking to her as if he’d been friends with her since forever. Maybe it was because she was a fellow artist? He didn’t know, but it intrigued him greatly.

He ended up buying one of her larger pieces, a black and white painting that looked like a skull when viewing it from afar but was actually a forest scene when viewed up close, and talking to her until it was time to close up for the day. This time around, they ended up talking about themselves more than the artwork, and he realized that he really liked this girl. She was nice, funny, creative, interesting, and her looks were nothing to sneeze at either. He helped her pack up her paintings and lock them away in the space provided by the League for vendors, and once that was done, he asked her to accompany him to dinner. She was surprised, but happily accepted. They’d been together ever since.

After being together for a few months, Piers could tell that this relationship might actually be going somewhere, so he decided to introduce his girlfriend to his little sister, Marnie. The two girls got on like a house on fire, much to his relief, and his girlfriend became a great confidant for the younger girl when she didn’t feel comfortable going to him with something. After about a year, he asked her to move in with him and Marnie, and they became one happy family. When Marnie left for her Gym Challenge, she helped console him and kept his worries at bay as much as possible. When he handed the Gym over to his sister and he started to go on tour for his music career, she would switch off between staying back to support Marnie and traveling with him to support him and sell paintings at his concerts.

Piers hadn’t really thought much about having kids of his own before he had met his girlfriend, and even now they were being careful so she didn’t end up pregnant. But, the more time went on, the more he thought about it. He decided he wouldn’t be opposed to it, but he probably wouldn’t go out of his way to make it happen. They’d talked about plans for the future from time to time, but they both had more of a “whatever happens, happens” attitude and they left it at that. They were happy as they were, just the three of them; why mess with a good thing?

Well, a few months ago, it happened. It came as a surprise to her because she had gotten her period that month, though it was much lighter than normal and the cramps were mild at worst, which was a bit odd. But, when that was coupled with an abnormal moodiness, unusual fatigue and the tell-tale vomiting, they both began to suspect what was going on. They weren’t entirely sure how it happened, and they were certainly nervous about the situation, but they weren’t displeased about it. As her idol once said “We don’t make mistakes - we have happy accidents.”

Today, she was going in for an ultrasound. Piers usually went with her to her doctor’s appointments, but he was busy packing for a tour in Alola, so she insisted he just let her go by herself this time. This wasn’t meant to determine the sex of the baby or anything anyway; that wasn’t due to happen until just before he left for his tour. This was something she scheduled because she had a major case of the “going good blues” and just needed this to put her mind at ease.

Of course, nothing about this pregnancy went as expected, and this was no different. She wasn’t supposed to find out the sex of their unborn child this time around, but here she was with this information now. The damn kid just HAD to be in the perfect position for the technician to tell with a great amount of certainty on the ONE occasion that Piers wasn’t with her. She was happy to know that the baby was totally fine, and knowing the sex of the baby early means that they can prepare even better, but she is kinda miffed that it happened when Piers wasn’t around. At least now she gets to think of a cute way to tell him though, and she’s got a great idea already.

Piers had gotten a text from her telling him that he had been right about her worries being unfounded and that she would be home in a few minutes. Sometime after, he had gotten another text asking him to meet her at her rented studio space about a block away from their apartment because she needed his opinion on something, which he found odd. She was so adamant that he stay home and get ready for his tour rather than go with her to her appointment, but now she was wanting him to stop and head over to her studio? Why not just send a picture if she wanted his opinion on a painting? What was she doing there anyway? He’d made it pretty clear that he wanted her to keep the painting to a minimum for the time being since he was worried that the paint fumes could cause complications if she were around them for long periods of time; he even got her a really nice sketchbook and professional-grade colored pencils so she could just draw any ideas she’s hit with in the interim. He’d have to talk to her about this.

“Babe, I thought we talked about this.” Piers said with a sigh as he entered his girlfriend’s studio.

“I know, I know.” She said walking over to him and taking off one of his gloves, which had him confused. “But this was important. Close your eyes for me.”

Piers raised an eyebrow at the odd instruction but did as she asked.

“Good. Now, don’t open them until I tell you to. Promise?” She asked.

“Yeah, sure. I promise.” He said with a chuckle. “You’re so weird sometimes.”

“Well, you picked me, so you have to deal with it.” She said, taking his ungloved hand and flipping it so that his palm was facing upward.

He smiled at her remark. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Then, he felt something cold and wet on his hand as well as the tickling sensation of what seemed to be a paintbrush. He almost opened his eyes in surprise, but she scolded him and reminded him of his promise, so he fought the urge. Once his palm was covered in paint, she re-positioned it so that it was facing forward and pulled it down slightly as she pressed it against something.

“Okay, you can open your eyes now.” She said softly.

Piers slowly opened his eyes and looked down to where his hand had been placed and saw that she had placed it on her stomach. He furrowed his brow in confusion and slowly lifted his hand to reveal a light blue hand print. He stared at it for a few seconds, seemingly having trouble processing what this all meant, but when it clicked, his eyes snapped up to meet hers. She smiled and nodded, answering his silent question. He broke out into a huge grin and picked her up in a spinning hug, not caring, or really even noticing, that in doing that he had gotten paint from her belly all over his shirt and paint from his had all over her hair.

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cosmosogler · 6 years

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hi guys.

woke up late-ish. my limbs felt like rocks all morning. i had breakfast, and showered, and had lunch, and it was raining... it was so hard to move. i got in to the office around 2:30. nothing i needed was there as usual. i did, however, call the psychiatrist and get one of my pressing insurance problems out of the way.

i studied for a bit. finished a chapter out of the last textbook. i don’t quite remember what else. but i biked home at 5. at 5:30 i turned around and jumped back on my bike and went out onto the paved trail to the next town over. it doubles as a hiking trail. ain’t no one gonna hike out on a wild hiking trail in the swamp though.

i think i ran into every bug living in this state. i was washing them out of my eyes all evening. but when i got home i felt sluggish and worn out in a not-bad way, which was refreshing. i was out for over an hour. and i was goin real fast.

i was going to go farther but i heard a weird noise coming from the trees so i turned around and went home because it spooked me. on the way home i saw a deer. that was fascinating. i also did not get hit by any cars. i don’t know why the hiking trail crosses a 6-lane road with no stop sign.

hmm i never put the tornadus into my game from the target event this month. i should get on that soon. i need to finish pokemon ultra moon anyway, before the tournament in september. i have no drive to play...

oh man, not in the mood for pokemon for eight entire months! now i can tell i’m REALLY depressed.

anyway i’ve been worn out all evening. i didn’t get any drawing done, but i did watch several more youtube videos and i read a bunch of other people’s fan fictions and left some comments. my bookmarks bar is almost tidy again. there’s a couple really long videos left...

i finally heard back from raul after i poked him with a quick message on facebook. he said he really liked arc 3 and thought arc 1 was kind of sparse pacing-wise, especially at the beginning. which is entirely fair. i didn’t waste a lot of time building up the two characters’ relationship to the “love” point because it’s kind of a given in the game and i didn’t worry about that. but i can see why it would be abrupt for someone not familiar with the source material.

actually the game doesn’t even show the first time they say that to each other. but it doesn’t have a lot of time to get everything established.

anyway he said he would scour the story with a magnifying glass before giving me the “full raul critique” on friday during club. so i have that to look forward to.

... it didn’t make me happy. it wasn’t enough.

i didn’t think it would be. i could never expect it to be. “enough” can’t be what i’m after. i’m just so depressed it’s hard to figure out what is genuinely unsatisfying to me, and what is unsatisfying because i cannot enjoy anything right now. is it even important to distinguish between the two?

i’m not getting enjoyment out of drawing. i can do it, when i am able to get started, and i get some things done... everything feels off though and i’m not having fun. nothing feels fun. taking an hour-long bike ride into the mild wilderness wasn’t fun, it was useful. i did it because i knew tiring myself out would help my appetite problems and it might help me sleep. might.

and i tried to look around at the water and stuff. to try to be present. to have a new image to look at with my eyeballs besides my desk and the wall of my office. i found myself very occupied mentally though while i was biking. i wasn’t focusing on anything in particular. if anything, i just had a song stuck in my head and it was skipping like a broken record and that was taking up a large amount of my attention. i was trying to think through a writing problem i’m having and that was skipping around like a broken record too. i tried to focus on the road and the bumps in it but it wasn’t really a big enough deal that my mind wanted to linger on it.

i like nodding at people as i pass by them, while they come from the other way. i like building that sort of “friendly community” vibe. i want to live in a place where people say hello to each other while we’re out walking or whatever, even if it doesn’t really mean anything. it makes me feel like i exist.

i mean... i went out for a ride because i wanted to. absolutely. but i didn’t... i didn’t get that something out of it that i usually get from doing things that i know are supposed to be fun for me. and because of that i know i am very depressed.

i feel so stuck in that. i have no idea what to do about it. hang out with people? pff, who would i hang out with? who would even want to spend quality time with me?

who would spend quality time with me without making comments i’ve asked them not to make, and who will leave my house when i ask them to? who can i spend time with that won’t make me feel tired and sad?

but yeah. i’m not enjoying drawing right now. i’m not enjoying studying. i’m not enjoying anything. i was trying to study but the words didn’t mean anything, even as i looked at the equations and forced myself to follow what was happening. i could tell that it wasn’t hard to understand- i could “understand” it. but it was like trying to hold on to a wet bar of soap.

how do i get that energy back? how do i get that energy back in time for the test? how do i get that energy back in time for the test AND ALSO IN TIME TO STUDY AND PREPARE FOR THE TEST IN A PRODUCTIVE WAY?

how do i do that when my body is breaking down and my brain is breaking down and nothing feels good??

i want to draw, and i know i should draw, but it feels like i can’t. and yesterday while i was drawing it was so hard to get anything to look right and i wasn’t having fun. just a vague sort of satisfaction that i was, at least, inching forward, even if it wasn’t at the quality i normally like to hold my art to.

why does this all have to be my job? why is it all ONLY my job? why can’t someone else handle this for a little bit? the insurance. the finances. the chores. my physical and mental health. my social life. i have to initiate all of the plans and conversations with my irl friends. i have to ask for help AND figure out how other people can help because all they ever say is “if you need anything let me know!”

and then i get frustrated because even if someone did offer to come over and sweep my floors for me i wouldn’t let them in my home! what if they decided not to leave when i asked?? harrison doesn’t. mom barely manages it. so even if someone did know how to help, how would i even accept that? what can anyone even do for me that isn’t also a hassle for me?

why can’t people at the psychology clinic just give me the paper work i need to get my reimbursement process started? why did they only give me a paper saying how much money i gave them?? why did they tell me to try again later and call a guy who has never been there any time i’ve tried to contact him??? why do i have to fight to take every SINGLE step along this path???? this is a completely unnecessary obstacle! just print out the receipt!!! you HAVE to have one if you contacted my insurance to learn that they weren’t covering it!!!!

man. i don’t even know what i want. if one of my classmates did something super nice for me at this point i’d probably just forget about it and keep feeling depressed and neglected.

i kinda hate being alive right now. i’m so tired. it feels like nothing helps. and everything that might help is out of reach. but i don’t even know what might help anymore. so i don’t even know where to reach. i feel so overwhelmed and alone. i don’t know how to let myself feel less alone.

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pseudocitrus · 7 years

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a very basic guide on how to find doujin in tokyo

i went to japan recently and i love doujin so i spent a lot of time hunting around for them. i felt like writing about it, so, here's my write about how to find/buy doujin in tokyo if you have absolutely no idea how to do so :)

disclaimer: this is current as of sept. 2017. i write this from a foreigner's perspective, and also from scrambling together a lot of here-and-there online resources and personal observation. so, it's very likely that i've gotten some language/cultural things wrong, this is just meant as a post for someone who knows absolutely nothing and also meant as a memory helper for me personally lol. if i do get something wrong, feel free to correct me ^^

why buy doujin in japan?

probably the main reason would be that it's MUUCH cheaper. recently-released doujin cost around ~¥800 to ~¥1500, whereas older works can be ¥400, or even ¥200 each if your pairing isn't that popular. in the US, in my experience, doujin can cost $20 (or ~¥2000).

(as a note, some doujin are at a premium — for example, works by 3745 house are ¥2000 each, and i also saw some gearous art books for ¥5000.)

i also enjoy the treasure hunting aspect. being in the tg fandom and being weirdly fond of rarepairs, i felt really excited every time i came across kaneki/touka or even ones like tsukiyama&hinami, tsukiyama&kanae, tsukiyama&nishiki 😲

some stores allow you to buy “tax-free” as well if you have a non-japanese passport with a temporary visa (i think this is the kind of visa you need). for example, in mandarake, if you spend over a certain amount (¥5000~¥5400) then they'll refund you the sales tax. they staple a little customs form into your passport which can theoretically be checked by an officer who will make sure you have everything you bought in your possession and weren't buying it for a citizen. but, no one has ever actually like gone through every doujin title that i bought (thank goodness, honestly). you can remove this customs form when you depart japan.

where to get doujin

here are the “must-hit” stores!

mandarake

in case you don't know already (i certainly did not for a long time), mandarake is a good store to search for doujin! they sell a variety of used/new anime/manga/idol goods, and have shelves upon shelves of doujin, usually with “women's sections” (containing mostly BL) and “men's sections” (containing what you might think of as, like, “hentai”).

in tokyo, there are at least four “major” mandarake locations —

akihabara

contains the super large multi-level complex with a whole men's floor and a women's floor, as well as other floors for toys and stuff. this location isn't far from the JR akihabara station.

ikebukuro

contains a smaller mandarake which is very women-focused, with no “men's section” that i can remember. this particular location is beside a lot of k-books stores which contain merch and more doujin.

nakano

also accessible by JR rail, and a short distance from the station, through nakano broadway. i think this is the “flagship” mandarake, and there are like seventeen stores in one mall-like setting, nestled beside other goods stores, some of which also have doujin. the women's and men's sections are in separate rooms and i had good luck here finding other merch.

shibuya

the smallest mandarake of the ones listed — with more of a focus on retro toys, though there's tons of doujin and idol stuff here too.

(as a sidenote, i also went to osaka, where there are two mandarake. one of them has a live stage where the women's section is. the other organized their doujin in a way that i couldn't quite parse and was too shy to ask about.)

k-books

in ikebukuro there are like TONS of different kbooks buildings so be sure you're visiting the right one! each kbooks is a “something館” which means “something building.” for example, “コスプレ館” or “cosplay building” has a lot of cosplay stuff, there’s also a “games building” which contains games merch like from pokemon, etc.

for doujin, go to “同人館” or “doujin building,” which is on a road called “otome road” (and also has the mandarake nearby underground! also — there’s also a “k-books athlete building” near here which contains only stuff from sports anime! which is separate from the other one that has mercy for other anime. last time i was there it was half yuri on ice, haha.)

in k-books, you can get a points card for ¥100 which lets you accumulate points to get other goods when you buy stuff, idk. i didn’t actually research this that much because i ran into it only on the last day. seems useful tho!

melonbooks

honestly, i don’t know that much about melonbooks. the ones that i’ve visited were in nagoya and ikebukuro and they felt more “men”-centered. it seems there can be melonbooks-exclusive doujin here. could be worth checking out if you see one. my impression was that it sells stuff that is popular or recently released. if you are squicked by hentai, be warned that in certain “men”-centered areas they play it on small monitors.

tora no ana

i visited only a couple of these so i don’t know that much either, but my impression was that like melonbooks it sells stuff that is popular or recently released. anyway it’s probably worth looking at too! if you are squicked by hentai, be warned that in certain “men”-centered areas they play it on small monitors.

i was on the hunt for TG stuff mostly which isn’t incredibly popular right now, so i wasn’t as interested in tora no ana. (regarding tg, however, i think wherever you go you can probably find tsukikane.)

general tips before you set out

these are good things to get in order before you go hunting!

know what you’re looking for, specifically. if you’re looking for something specific, think get the title, maybe a photo of the cover, the artist name, and the circle name. make sure that you know the artist/circle name as it’s written in japanese (whether by kana, kanji, or roman characters). also make sure that you know how the japanese ship is spelled.

know what you’re looking for, generally. if you’re not looking for something specific, think of all the possible series/games you might be interested in. i went out for TG but then circled back to all the stores once i realized i really wanted to find something by mikami takeru, lol. (also, if i had done my research beforehand, i would have known that what i wanted was a certain mikami takeru anthology — instead i was a fool and ended up buying some doujin, and then ALSO buying the anthology when i found it later, and doubling up on some stories 😭). i also ended up in doujin sections for “games” and realized i was also kind of interested in phoenix wright and persona 5 and odin sphere. anyway, it’s just good to know ur facts beforehand.

know the store opening/closing hours and days. they tend to open kind of late, like around noon, and are open until later, like 8pm or 9pm. stores in japan tend to be closed on tuesdays (which can affect your overall plans). idk it’s just probably good to confirm things. also, it can be really small quarters in doujin stores, so consider going during weekdays when it will be quieter and easy for you to move around.

if you’re not familiar with the japanese alphabetical order, keep a copy with you. since things are arranged alphabetically and all that.

bring your passport! for the aforementioned sales-tax-free shopping.

how to find doujin

every store is kind of different. but, generally, if you’re in the “women’s section:”

there will be a small area for newly-released stuff for popular series, like doujin that just came out during recent events, ex. natsukomi. this area is fun to browse because the doujin covers are facing outward and there are small “sample” prints on the back that show more of the art style. older works are shelved normally and all you can see is the cover art. (all doujin are sealed in plastic which you can’t open in store.)

it’s also likely that there will be separate sections for overall genres — anime, games, “western” (like sherlock), jump series (ex. shounen jump, young jump).

popular series (which right now are yuri on ice, osomatsu-san, haikyuu, gintama, jojo, etc.) will often have their own “major section” after that, with lots of shelves devoted to them.

i wish i had a picture of this but i don’t, so just imagine shelves packed with doujin with little manilla folder tabs sticking out, haha. for less popular series, the series name will be written on these tabs. series will be listed in alphabetical japanese order.

within series, things will be organized by ship, which will also be in alphabetical japanese order. if the circle is popular, it will also likely be listed in a tab.

when you find the tab you want, the doujin pertaining to that tab will be listed to the RIGHT of the tab. keep searching shelves from left to right, up to down.

also — these stores can be overwhelming in their density of doujin. if you don’t really want to spend a lot of time searching, feel free to just ask somebody about it. i just said something that was probably silly like tokyo ghoul no doujinshi arimasen ka or tokyo ghoul no doujinshi sagashitemasu ga…. and an attendant will lead you to the section. while i was furiously battling my social anxiety i saw another foreigner just bust into the store with a picture saying “KONO MANGA ARIMASU KA?” and she got her answer and led to her desired location immediately, so, there you go.

for a not-as-popular fandom like TG, the sections in stores tended to be very small. the majority of it was tsukikane, but i crawled through everything anyway, and did in fact find like THREE WHOLE KANETOU doujin tucked away in there!! anything that wasn’t tsukikane (which tended to be arisasa and utayomo) was basically listed as “その他” or “other pairings.” if you’re looking for TG and are an english-speaker, it might help for you to look for TYUUNI! which is a popular circle and easier to spot than trying to read all the japanese. again, though, if you’re having trouble, don’t be weird like me, just ask.

this might also be a “duh” kind of thing, but, doujin with nsfw content will have “R18” somewhere on the cover. also, ships included in the doujin are often listed on the back. this doesn’t really help you when you can’t open doujin packs, but i noticed that some doujin recently have been including content warnings in the beginning that are like, “this doujin contains arisasa...it starts maybe looking like it might be sasa/ari, but it’s arisasa! if you don’t like this, please close the book.” idk if you are in a situation where you CAN open the book and read japanese and are squicked by pairings/certain content, maybe this will be valuable information 4 u.

general tips while searching

in stores like mandrake, there are footstools that you can use to access higher shelves, but it’s generally bad to use these for sitting. if you do this someone will probably ask you to stop, haha.

in stores like mandarake, there are also glass “showcases” (ショーケース) which generally contain nice merch but can also contain doujin. i went through a lot of trouble to find a mikami takeru anthology only to buy it and then walk out and realize there was one right in the store window for a slightly different price! it turned out the conditions of the two were different (with the display version being more expensive because it didn’t have a crease) — but maybe you care about creases! idk! check the showcase!

i’m pretty sure most stores have shopping baskets, if you see one you can take it to help carry your loads of doujin u are gonna buy.

also be careful about if stores would prefer that you make your purchase on each floor, rather than taking your unpaid-for goods to a different floor.

if you need to get past someone, you can say “sumimasen.”

it’s possible that different versions of the same doujin will come with different promotional material too, like an extra little flyer or something.

mmmm, that’s all i can think of now, will probably add some more later.

if you’re going be able to hunt for doujin soon — good luck/have fun! if not — i hope you get the chance to!

#personal #pseudochat #my own ref post #lol #long post

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childofaura · 5 years

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Rating the anime I’ve watched in 2019: A really short list

Kinda just felt like doing this, 2019 has been a REALLY interesting year in anime. I didn’t watch a whole lot of stuff, but I wanted to kind of go over what I did watch. So I’ll talk about what I thought and rate it 1-10.

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND: THEY’RE RATED SOLELY ON MY OPINIONS, IF I DON’T FEEL STRONGLY ABOUT ONE PLEASE DON’T GET MAD. ALSO ALL OF THESE WERE WATCHED IN SUBS. ALSO SPOILERS AHOY.

1. Dororo.

The OP was AWESOME. The animation in the first half of the series was really smooth, but there was a slightly noticeable dip in animation later on. Not huge, but still there. Actors were FANTASTIC, and the little girl who plays Dororo is so cute! Characters were incredibly well written and varied, Hyakkimaru still struggled despite his honed reflexes and training, and Tahomaru was so morally divisive, it was great. Somber tones really bring out the nasty forbidden underside of the Shogunate’s “lasting peace”. Though the ending with Tahomaru, Hyakkimaru’s mother, and his father figure all dying in the fire was rather... disappointing, Hyakkimaru forgiving his father and Dororo deciding what to do with the large sum of money left behind, to use it for the greater good, wraps everything up.

Dororo’s a solid 8/10.

2. Rising of the Shield Hero

I ended up checking this one out after hearing all the controversy it was stirring up, because I wanted to see what it was. Like always, the “controversy” was a big tepid pile of nothing, and I got to experience an isekai that operates under a different mood with different dynamics. Animation quality is consistent and good, and there’s a LOT of female characters that are well rounded and strong, like Raphtalia, Melty, the Filolial Queen, Glass, etc. Scenery is beautiful, and Naofumi’s growth into trusting again is nice to watch. Also the soundtrack is so enjoyable, Kansas is my favorite song. Cons, though few, are still there: the pacing can be a little funky at times (Mainly what comes to mind is that AWFUL filler episode where they fight the Church from the molten pit, and don’t move AT ALL. Worst episode ever), the physical growth of some of the characters like Filo is jarring (In two days she grows horse sized, after they had that montage of taking care of her) even with an explanation. The last thing that rubs me the wrong way (It’s not really a con in general, just a con for me) is Raphtalia’s crush on Naofumi. It’s simply that they spend the first few episodes building their relationship as a father/daughter, then they try to shift to romance after establishing that first familial relationship.

Rising of the Shield Hero’s an 8/10.

3. The Promised Neverland

AAAAAAAH HOT DAMN I LOVED THIS ONE. It was completely out of my range of what I normally watched at the beginning of 2019, BUT I LOVED IT SO MUCH. The animation is eerie, especially the facial expressions and how smoothly they move. The children are so darling and thinking about how they might have possibly died in S1 broke my heart, as well as me hoping they didn’t, lol. Every episode leaves off on this wonderfully tantalizing cliffhanger, so binging the episodes are a must. Characters like Mama and Sister Krone are terrifying, though in the latter’s case I love how clever she was, and was sad when she died. Her Japanese actress definitely blew it out of the water and had a lot of fun with the character. I’d say the only (not really a con, but) thing that weirds me out is how close the characters’ mouths are to their faces, but that’s a stylistic thing and I won’t fault them for that. The children are strong and resilient and I can’t wait for the next season.

The Promised Neverland’s a 9/10.

4. Demon Slayer

I got into this one late, and I hate myself for getting into it late. But nonetheless, I’m so glad I watched it and I can say with confidence it’s up there with FullMetal Alchemist: Brotherhood’s level of excellence. Tanjiro is such a kind-hearted boy who constantly puts himself through physical torture for his only remaining family; Nezuko’s “hypnotism” to see humans as family feels more like placebo because she just genuinely has compassion for people, especially when she looks at Ms Tamayo and Yushiro as family when they’re also demons. All the characters are deeply involved in this story with either known or hidden (Zenitsu) strengths that allow them to conquer their struggles. The style is unique and the character designs are pretty, and HOO BOY THE FIGHTING ANIMATIONS, THE STYLIZED TECHNIQUES. MWAH! MUCH LOVE! I love the soundtrack so much, it almost reminds me of the Pokemon movies’ orchestra pieces. The story is well paced, and no issues with filler. Showing how even demons deserve compassion is a beautifully unexpected twist in this show.

Demon Slayer’s a 10/10

5. To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts

I do love this series dearly, and while the good outweighs the “meh”, I still have to address the issues. BUT FIRST, THE GOOD THINGS: Characters in this show are incredibly in-depth, even the soldiers. The designs of the Incarnates are fantastic, terrifying and imposing. Schaal is a strong young girl who sets off with just a suitcase and a rifle and, after meeting Hank, decides to get inside his mindset to see why he’s doing what he does, and why he had to kill her father. Hank is a man in constant suffering who has to see his best friends losing themselves to insanity, knowing that they’re not the people they used to be but questioning whether he’s really doing the right thing regardless. All the soldiers have their own focal point in the episodes they show up in, showing their unique traits and attitudes, and how it links to the monsters they are now. The concept of Incarnate soldiers is parallel to veterans with PTSD. While Liza’s a bit of a ridiculous fan-service character, there’s really no complaints because the fan-service in this show is balanced; they show Hank unnecessarily shirtless a LOT (Though honestly I’d be fine if they let him wear his shirts more). But the cons. There are a decent amount of them. Animation is clunky and lower budget. Pacing is not easy to keep up with, as the split between Hank’s mission and the main conflict with Cain interrupt each other quite jarringly. Schaal’s father seemingly rises as a zombie again to serve no other purpose other than Schaal’s character growth, as we could assume that a LOT of the other monsters like Keynes, with the fire of justice, would also come back to life. Liza doesn’t really seem to do much or contribute much as a character; she came close when she volunteered to take up the Incarnate Extermination Squad’s equipment by saying she knew how it worked but she literally. Just. Held up a shield for the commander (forgot his name, Cain’s little bro) to jump off of. She needs to do more. Love the series and I love watching it, but it’s a mixed bag.

To the Abandoned Sacred Beast’s a 7/10.

6. Fire Force.

Well... this one is definitely gonna be tough to deal with, because I only got maybe 8 or 9 episodes in before I had to break away. So I’ll break it down simply.

Pros: Animation is SOLID. ABSOLUTE. FLUID AND DYNAMIC. It’s literally Midoriya vs Todoroki, but in EVERY EPISODE. Some characters are fascinating and enjoyable like Shinra, Maki, Joker, and Hibana. The concept of Infernals, people who just burst into flames without warning, are a solid idea to run on. The OP is a banger. The soundtrack fits the mood perfectly.

Cons, and a lot of them: There isn’t a whole lot going on in terms of variety, it’s mainly fighting Infernals in the city. It picks up eventually, but slowly. While some characters were enjoyable, others were either flat or downright unbearable to deal with; flat characters like Obi (He’s not a bad character, but he feels... generic) and Iris (Also not bad, she’s strong in what she’s had to deal with and being kind regardless, but it’s just standard quiet girl.). Unbearable character is really just two so far: The lieutenant, who gets borderline abusive (both mentally and physically) with Maki (Like I get it dude, you had trauma with fire and Infernals but you don’t need to be an abusive shit), and Tamaki, ESPECIALLY Tamaki. She’s rude, screechy, treated Shinra like utter shit when they first meet, and respects almost no one outside of her district for no real reason. And she also falls into the next con: The one-sided fan-service. Now I will defend the right to fan-service with everything I believe in, but I’m still allowed to have my opinion on it, and the way it goes in Fire Force is just... so awful. Fan-service jarringly interrupts what are supposed to be heavy emotional or important scenes (Iris sitting on the ground with nothing but a towel, Iris getting her clothes burned off by Hibana, Tamaki sticking her butt out after getting hurt by her district partner, Tamaki’s clothes being burned up and being against the wall with that weird-ass kitty pose with her wrists, etc.), Tamaki’s “lucky lechery” is supposed to be funny somehow but it makes literally no sense, and oh cool she ends up sexually harassing the dudes with it, too. I could understand this level of fan-service if it was like a harem anime or a cheese-cake-ish anime or whatever, but it’s- it’s a shounen. There’s nothing that really shows you there’s gonna be this weird level of fan-service.

I respect everyone who loves Fire Force, but it’s just not my cup of tea. That’s all.

Fire Force’s a 6.5/10.

7. Vinland Saga

THIS ANIME. THIS ANIME IS PERFECT IN EVERY WAY AND YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND. The first OP PERFECTLY encapsulates just how much of a hellish live Thorfinn is about to live. The animation (Being from the same company as Attack on Titan and Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress) is SUPERB where the characters move with weight and purpose. Seriously, have you seen how the characters jump forward? With their legs and arms forward? It’s a little detail but it’s so great. Characters are multi-faceted and it gives me strong feelings about how awful they are but how clever or strong or brilliant they are. The pacing of the anime is perfect; something plot-important happens in each episode, the characters travel long distances to give you a feel of movement, and there’s not a single episode that could really be considered “filler”. Dynamics of these characters work in fascinating ways at times. The actors absolutely own their roles; Askeladd’s actor nails that perfect nonchalance where he seems surprised but you know he’s truly not, Thorfinn’s older actor knows how to scream his lungs out in anger. The main star, though? Thorkell, hands down. That guy is absolutely having fun with his character.

Vinland Saga’s a solid 10/10.

#anime #spoilers #Dororo #Rising of the Shield Hero #The Promised Neverland #Demon Slayer #To the Abandoned Sacred Beasts #Fire Force #Vinland Saga #Vinland Saga's easily the best anime of 2019 for me and I'm sad that it doesn't have as much traction as other shows like Fire Force

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ideahat-universe · 4 years

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Working on Pony Classes

I was working on Pony classes since I started getting into DnD and now that I’m making a Pony RPG I’m actually putting work into realizing this sort of functionality and it’s had interesting results.

Lets go through the classes.

Unicorns: Unicorns are both Wizard and Mage but the player will be given the default list of spells which is only the offensive skills.

I decided that after level 3 mana stops becoming a resource that needs to be carefully managed and you are expected to spam spells instead of attacking (which is good because the Unicorn has no strength) but the stronger the spell the more situational (and risky!) it becomes.

A couple of moves are my spin on the Pokemon move Pin Missile with a theoretical infinite amount of repeat damage or the spell just whiffing and doing no damage. Another spell deals great damage but inflicts a debuff on yourself that leaves you very vulnerable to counter attack.

Unicorns have to manage risk to achieve their glass cannon fantasy.

Earth Pony: Earth Ponies were very hard to design because in all the generations of the show Earth Ponies are always neglected in the magical front. I’m told this might change in G5 but until then It’s just difficult.

I just settled on making them Earth Tanks. I”m probably going to tinker with them more but ideally Earth Ponies are just supposed to be hard to kill and have a lot of buffs to boost armor which is important because the enemies damage potential.

Pegasi: Originally Pegasi were just supposed to be the Attack Damage Carry and have a small mana pool for spell casting, opting to focus on auto attacks. Them having above average strength hasn’t changed but I added overtime more ways to play a Pegasi. Now Pegasi have cloud based spells and abilities and you have to summon a cloud ahead of time to cast them successfully in following turns. Thunderstorms let you deal damage every turn even when the pegasi is downed and rain showers heal the party so it’s useful to spend time summoning clouds.

Lastly, there’s the thunderstrike functionality. All of the offensive Pegasi spells randomize the amount of damage the follow up thunderstrike does and will occasionally trigger the spell to end. Normal attacks keeps the thunderstorm up indefinitely as well as focusing on cloud spells so it’s up to the player to decide on what’s better for the fight.

Gem Pony: I created a Gem Pony class which is just a combination of Twinkle Eye, Translucent sparkle, and other really glittery pony variants.

Gem Pony is a cross between a Unicorn and a Earth Pony so it functions a lot like a Buff Mage. Hold on *googles buff mage* Never mind. Gem Pony is a support mage that can tank. They cast AOE heals, debuff removals, damage and defense buffs as well as revives which sounds really powerful and is possibly overpowered right? Well it would be but Gem Ponies have a weakness.

They have to have gems to sustain their spell casting. Mana is cheap but 70% of their kit requires specific gemstones to be in your inventory in order to cast them and casting them consumes them so you need a lot of gemstones to make Gem Ponies any good. Without that they have a heat beam eye blast that works even when muted and one spell lets you cast a random gem powered spell without needing the gem in question.

You can also eat rocks and gain even more buffs or self heals. That’s not all though. When your health is low the Gem Pony auto heals if the right gemstone is in your inventory.

Finding some gemstones is easier than others. You can find them all over the game but they are hard to buy so it’s always good to never run out which means you have to manage that inventory carefully.

Fairy Pony: Fairy Ponies are the collective name of Flutter and Breezies and they are still being worked on. Right now the idea is that they inflict odd states on opponents. Transforming opponents needs balancing for obvious reasons and the kit just generally needs more time in the oven before it becomes truly functional. Ideally it should feel like playing Lulu from League of Legends.

You pelt opponents with spells and create confusion for opponents by casting weird debuffs on them while also giving simple utility buffs to allies.

It needs to be more chaotic but fairly functional, again like Lulu.

Alicorn: In comparison to the show Alicorns in this game are massively nerfed. Not only are they not always godlike with their power, their design is basically a unicorn that got tanky and dealt mostly light based spells. That’s right Alicorn in a paladin but beyond being darkness bane not too much has been committed to the class to make it really stand out. At the very least it’s kit is a mix of a damage wizard and a healing mage.

Flufflepuff: And now for something entirely out of left field. There are long haired ponies of course but none of them are fully body curly like the iconic Flufflepuff (seems like a missed opportunity to make a pony pillow but what do I know?)

A flufflepuff class is my attempt at what I call the Clown Class. In any RPG where more than the standard classes are available you always get one class that’s more effort than it’s worth to get off the ground and is basically not worth it most of the time.

You might think of the Onion Knight but Flufflepuff really isn’t a grind class. It’s really more of an insane randomness class for someone who wants to sabotage their own play-through.

They get to use a pillow as a weapon, their skills inflict mostly emotion based states, they can harm allies with debuffs as well and they have a skill that just lets them draw a random useless item from hammerspace.

They might be buffed with some more damage spells but generally speaking this class is supposed to just be for the experience and you will make the game harder to win by having a class with no real strengths beyond annoying annoying everyone.

Seapony: Even those Hippogriffs are supposed to Seaponies the long history of Seaponies being stand alone pushed them into being their own class where Seaponies that become vaporeon and walk on land. Ideally, there should be special missions that require you being a Seapony to participate in them but all of that is not set in stone. It’s a relatively functional class. Have you ever played a water pokemon? Seapony is just that. Again, you are basically Vaporeon.

Hippogriffs: Without the Seaponies hippogriffs have less to do and I haven’t fixed that yet. I’m thinking about exploiting the fact that they have hands where you get to do specific things with weapons. It needs more work.

Vampire Pony: If Pegasi is just a basic damage dealer that has fair scaling, Vampire Pony has rather unbalanced scaling. They have skills that deal true damage which is damage that ignores all resistances and this can be effectively stacked by eating apples. Apples are very common in the game and they are cheap so Vampire ponies can spend several turns eating apples and then nuke the opponent in a single turn.

Upon being killed Vampire ponies should self revive as long as they have apple stacks. This is a very late game class to have and at that point it’s darkness alignment might work against you but it’s supposed to be a Pegasi on steroids.

Changling: Changlings unfortunately do not get to transform their images ingame due to how hard it would be to actually manage a consistent way to turn back into the image you were before after a match so instead you just get to cast every spell in the game at random. There was a choice screen but in XP dialog boxes lag the battle screen so it was replaced with just randomness but at this point I’m considering just giving you a full list of spells but I’m not sure how to balance that so you just don’t have a lot of junk spells or you have too many of the really good spells from other classes.

There’s also two types of Changlings so there’s just more work for that one.

Kirin: The last one in the current version of the game is Kirin which right now has a singular gimmick which is using fire spells and getting angry and reacting to debuffs. Once angry the player mostly loses control of what the Pony does on following turns but their damage potential skyrockets. Being debuffed makes Kirin even stronger in a fight and you can even explode if you feel like giving a fight an explosive finale.

#MLP:FiM #mlp ocs #Fanart #rpg maker

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evelyntransitions-blog · 7 years

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Day 3ish

Yesterday was full of unexpected surprises. It started off with school, and I presumed that we’d start picking topics for our argumentative essay that’s coming up and start writing. Instead I was met with the lovely surprise of movie day. I never expected to get a “random” movie day in college, but it happened. We got to watch a video on fracking and were told to take notes on the narrators arguments and if they were good or not good and do an online journal assignment. This was much easier than starting an essay. After school I decided to spend more time Pokemon hunting while I still had free time, before I got into it however I went home to clean my room, make lunch/dinner and change over my laundry. Bam! A wild new surprise appeared. My mom had went out of her way to clean my room, do my laundry and cook food, left by sticky notes with smile faces on them. She received a promt “THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU” later that day. The Pokemon hunting/raiding adventure that I partook on was generally the same as always, hatch some eggs, look for good Pokemon that are examined with the breathtaking and stat exceeding traits and meet up with the raid group. The good news was that I was able to evolve my Chansey into a Blissey after getting enough rare candies, and also managed to get a Bannet with good stats that I named “Cheshire” because of the Cheshire Cat grin from Lewis Carolls Alice in Wonderland. The bad news took form in another unexpected surprise; one of the raiders in my group, a middle aged mom had asked why my profile pic for the raid chat was female and why I had (what’s looked at in Murica’ as) a girls name (Evelyn). The middle aged mom stated something along the lines of it being unfair and not very nice, due to it being misleading. With some of the members of our raid group staring at me I blurted out without thinking “Oh i’m transitioning to female.” There was a short awkward silence followed by the mom saying “Oh that makes it a little bit better.” this was followed with a conversation of me trying to justify having a beard (i’m dressing up as Jesus for halloween and using the humour of the costume to bypass the dysphoria of the beard itself. Being able to laugh at yourself seems to make things easier, plus might as well give my beard a going away party) and her saying something like “Yeah a beard wouldn’t work well with a girl.” I was both flattered by her gendering me correctly, but also a little annoyed because some girls out there may like beards. If a person wants to identify as female, or are just born cis female and they want to grow a beard, that’s cool, if it makes them happy and they present it with confidence, that action within itself is attractive in it’s own right. Nevertheless she’s entitled to her opinion *shrugs*, I can’t change what she finds attractive, though I wish she wasn’t so nosey. After the raid was done I promptly drove back home, but before I exited the parking lot we were in she said goodbye Evelyn, which may seem normal, but the group itself hardly refers to anyone by their names directly, only to talk about how great or silly someone is, it’s this weird formality that just kind developed. So her saying my name directly may have been a polite gesture, i’d hope so, either way not everyone in the county knows me by Evelyn and for some reason i’ve got a reputation here because of all the silly shit I do, so hopefully this doesn’t come back to bite me. When I got home I got a text from my best friend with plans to hangout late overnight, I told him that i’d be taking a short nap and he could just call me. I set an alarm just in case as a fail-safe. Furthermore I took the dankest mini nap of my life, my cool ass cat chillin’ up by my arms, had chillhop playing in the background, all the good shit. I woke before the alarm went off about an hour and a half later and turned my alarm off and sat at the computer, just taking in the music and just letting it further fill the room and deciding to leave it on. The peace was interrupted by my parents arguing about my Dad working too many hours at his job. Now, my parents are in excellent finical standing with more money than the bills, while they’re just getting done paying off their debt. *THIS PART DOESN’T HAVE TO DO WITH MY DAY BUT PROVIDES SOME BACKGROUND AS TO MY SITUATION WITH MY PARENTS*

The problem more lies with two major things. Supporting me to some extent living here, which is one of the reasons i’m moving. The other thing lies in my Dad’s past where as a child he was put in a not so good situation ( I won’t say what out of respect for his personal privacy), and had to work his ass off just to get away from his own father and make something of himself. He tries to cope with this by making himself seem stronger than he is, flaunting his ego and making connections with people in high places. By the very nature of his personality and hard work ethic this has led him to the top of the food chain so to speak. This has also led to him not being able to deal with me, a person who takes shit personally and has this weird uncontrollable fear of doing new things, which is just stated as part of my anxiety. If I do things i’ll get distracted or make dumb mistakes at best and at worst will avoid doing them at all. This is not to be confused with laziness or procrastination, it’s ABOSLUTE FEAR. He’s hated my inability to be coherent in the past, maybe out of concern for me and/or feeling like he’s not in control of situations presented to him. This has led to a lot of yelling from him, and by default over time the indoctrination of my mom yelling alongside him (she had a very similar background but without the ego). This in the past had me being a cross between manipulative shithead who lied all the time to get away from bullshit, and an avoidant recluse who spent all their time playing video games. I’m now in the future and trying to do everything possible to get my lack on track between school, getting a promotion, transitioning (it’s sort of like working 2 jobs because I work in two departments) doing volunteer work, and now moving out. With all this in mind, they got into it over my Dad working too many hours and not taking care of himself. This isn’t all due to him but also his employer who I won’t state the name of not respecting him despite him busting his ass for the company. My mom being both lonely over me moving out and not being home very much due to wanting to escape from being inside to combat depression and also not feel trapped due to some mental things that I won’t explain here and my Dad working all the time. She got on my Dad’s case about him working too much and he jumped to the defensive being the breadwinner (though my mom makes a good amount of money too, and I also pay for rent, insurance and most of my food). *THIS PART IS BACK TO MY DAY*

The argument my parents had start as a “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?!” argument in reguards to my Dad’s job and lead to a “I’M NOT MAD AT YOU, I JUST FEEL HELPLESS BUT I’M GOING TO EXPLAIN IT THROUGH ANGER.” argument. In short my mom just wanted to spend time with him and quit his job or do something else and he felt hopeless because all he knows about coping with anything is through work (with the occasional party). I believe the adult fear of having to go back to having less is what got him the most, that he regressing being on the bottom and starting with nothing scared him so much that it led to his outlandish anger. The fear of not being in control of a situation being a bonus. (This also happens outside of financial situations and just normal situations as well. Even ones that have nothing to do with my success or the success of him or mom.) The argument itself of just dissolved into this passive angry stew and then there was silence. I got a message about ten minutes later from my best friend that he arrived and I told him to just come to the door, that if I answered things might get hairy. Having to deal with many of these scenarios before, he did just that and we got ready to leave. Before I left I told my Mom that I loved her and asked her if anything was wrong (it obviously was, but I was wanting to see if she needed to talk). She lied and said it was fine and waved goodbye. After this me and my best friend headed off into the night.

#evelyntransitions #trans #transgender

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heywritebetter · 7 years

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I Don’t Care

I love bad things. For reasons I could not hope to explain, my brain is wired such that I am deeply fascinated by cheap, unprofessional, or otherwise poorly put together media. I don’t think that the Kubricks and Hitchcocks of the world will ever provide me half the entertainment of the Wiseaus and the Breens, and I own far more Jar Jar Binks merchandise than any well adjusted adult man should. That deep appreciation of mediocrity is probably why I started this blog in the first play; while most people just dismiss bad writing, it’s the drive that compels me to understand it.

All that said, I don’t read bad books. Nobody does—which is really weird, when you think about it. I’m no film buff, yet I could tell you about Plan 9, my gaming hardly expands past Pokemon and Super Smash Bros. and yet I’m well aware of Duke Nukem Forever. It isn’t that bad writing isn’t funny, as I’ve had plenty of writer friends link me compilations like “worst penis euphemisms”. It’s not even that bad writing can’t be interesting to critique, I mean look at the blog you’re reading. No, I think the real issue is something much simpler. Forget your voiceless dialogue, inconsistent characters, nonexistent worldbuilding, the reason bad writing isn’t very funny is because the most common sin of bad writing is just plain being dull.

Okay, so that’s kind of a useless statement, I know, but follow me here for a moment. Reading is hard, at least compared to the consumption of other media. Watching a movie is passive, playing a game is fun, reading is actively processing information for the sole purpose of consuming the knowledge therein. That means we as writers have a challenge that other content creators don’t really have to deal with, which is that we have to be engaging all the time. I can say I thoroughly enjoyed the 2014 Godzilla remake even though I only really gave a damn about the first and last half hours, but you bet your ass I wouldn’t even get halfway through a novel where I didn’t care about pages one hundred through three hundred. In fact, I think you could make a compelling argument that being interesting to read is the primary benchmark for good writing. Forget grammar, storytelling, character, anyone who can get a large amount of people to spend hours of their life reading tens of thousands of words on a gray page is decent writer in my book. Which actually bring me to a certain piece that this conversations would be incomplete without.

So when I mentioned that nobody reads bad books for fun, some of the nerdier nerds in the audience may have been bouncing up and down, hands raised in the air, faces red as they restrained the urge to blurt out, “you forgot about My Immortal you colossal doofus! You absolute fraud!” Thank you Sarah, put your hand down please, this is why I don’t take questions until the end of the lecture. No, of course I didn’t forget My Immortal. My first foray into internet comedy writing was a blog dedicated to riffing My Immortal MST3K-style(you’ll never find it, and trust me, you wouldn’t want to). For those not well versed in late 2000s internet culture, My Immortal is a piece of Harry Potter fan fiction which gained notoriety for it’s, er, questionable quality. It’s a delightful, and you can and should read it right here if you have the time.

So, does the existence of the fabled literary B-movie I so ardently denied previously destroy my entire argument? No you asshole, it doesn’t, because My Immortal is a parody. I mean, it’s never been formally confirmed, but come on, it’s a parody. The timing of the humorous misspellings, the condensation of every mid 2000s fan fiction cliche into a single work, the meta-plot of the author’s failing relationship with her friends/editor, it’s all far too perfect to be an accident. If you don’t believe me, go read a random piece of genuine amateurish fan fiction. You will be amused for a maybe a paragraph or two before it completely loses your interest and you move on. See, My Immortal isn’t an example of “good bad” writing at all, because My Immortal is just actually good comedy. Not that I’m saying you should try to imitate it; the humorous grammatical errors work only in the context of mocking specific trends in actual bad writing, and in the context of the overarching narrative that the story is being written by a whiny teenage girl.

Alright, this is getting a little too “opinions and theory about writing”-y and not enough advice, so let’s talk about how this applies to you. Writing something interesting is way harder than it sounds: like I said, if you can write thousands of words that people go out of their way to read, you’re already doing something incredibly right. Honestly, the easiest way to achieve this is just by following the general conventions of good writing; they’re conventions for a reason, it’s the kind of stuff that interests people. The things I talk about in other articles, basically. But I think understanding that your primary goal in being a passable writer is simply being able to keep people’s interest is important. People always talk about knowing when to break the rules, well here’s how you know. Understanding why your book(in theory) engages readers can help you make decisions, especially when it comes to making a choice that might be a bit unconventional. Of course, be wary of cheap tricks like constant cliffhangers or harsh language that only serve your goal short term; we don’t just want them to read page 2, we want them to come back for book 2—or at the very least, follow your tumblr blog.

Writing Prompt: Look over your 3 favorite books. Write a paragraph about what each one did to keep you engaged throughout their entire duration.

#writing #my immortal #the room #writing prompt #writers #character #plot #worldbuilding #voice #grammar

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gamestxt3d-blog · 8 years

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Betterish games I played in 2016: Mobile

Pokemon Go: Summer 2016

PokeGo was actually fun during that first period and while they’ve added quality of life and stability improvements it’s too little too late. It still hasn’t given me a reason to boot it up outside certain cities that I don’t go to that often. It just does not have enough of the things I actually like about Pokemon. Pokemon Sun/Moon added more things for me to like and this game just still lacks things. Pokemon needs trading, a reason for you to bond with these very simple representations of creatures, a reason to bond with others, a reason to adventure. Catching alone only gets someone far enough.

Puzzle and Dragons is still a fun puzzle matching game. It’s just so greedy and hasn’t given me a team to move on so I’m really down on it. P&D the Japanese version on the other hand might have unverifiable better rates, but the extra rolls and items have propelled me to a point where I can enjoy and try tough content. The later content is so much more satisfying despite weird design choices and reliance on over-punishing mistakes. In a year since starting both versions, I actually have a reason to get “Tsukuyomi Dragon” a thing you only get for selling monsters or collecting points that later end players or people who spend a lot (think thousands of dollars) on this game. The Japanese version actually feels like a game someone can progress in and if you do pay money it leans a little more to actually paying for some game. Some stuff still might require you to have a style of team you can’t make because you don’t have enough stuff and the only fix is throwing money at it. Unlike some other games there’s not really a way to guarantee something so where in Granblue you can wait for an event to pay an amount of money to get a ticket to get one item you want, Puzzle and Dragons has no fallback like that.

Granblue Fantasy has story, art, and voices which are all things it has significantly more of than other Japanese mobile gacha games I played in 2016. I’m not far in it but if I’m in what’s considered early game it has more content and actual game than other early parts of games, especially PAD. Even “mid” game seems to have more content. Harder bosses have MMO style bosses that you have to build a team around with. On the other hand, this game does also rely on getting special items but in the time I’ve played I’ve gotten okay rare things and have a nice variety to play with. Also, very grindy and lots of numbers and things to make go up.

Mario Run nailed the controls but I can’t play it because it runs like crap and checks the server too much so it pauses and hitches a lot. MARIO GAMES SHOULD NOT HAVE MAJOR PERFORMANCE ISSUES. MARIO GAMES SHOULD NOT FEEL LIKE NETLAG. WHAT IS THIS????? I have not bought it yet because of that. Once I have a solid playtime I’ll put money in.

That CAVE game.. gothic mahou otome?. I played this on and off all year and I like that it did something interesting with the gacha. It’s a shmup where you switch between 3 characters and I don’t understand most of it due to language barrier. Shooting games are built on how the “ship” plays and CAVE’s smooth touch controls and mechanical variety actually makes this fun to pick up and try. I might write more later, but if you played some sort of vertical shooting game or shmup this is a game to look at... if you can get past the moe anime stuff. Not everyone is used to that or can stand it.

Kamitsuri by Square Enix is supposed to be another rpg with puzzling and story. I don’t understand the story but it seems generic in that enemy of the chapter/week format to move plot forward more familiar to people who watch anime. The game-play is also a nice slide/swipe puzzle where you trace same colored pieces through enemies to do damage with monsters on a team. It’s fantasy history japan so I really do not understand any of the terms in the game since they’re kanji and old readings I haven’t picked up on. It feels good to play and is like a fun board-game more than a video game.

Puyo Puyo Quest has Puyo matching but is more like the other mobile puzzlers. Actually works well for touch despite lacking the energy of the original games. I like the art-style and character designs quite a bit so that will carry me far despite not really caring about what shows up in the gacha. I didn’t get far but it played well. I still don’t get how the guild system works.

Most of what else I played was boring, I didn’t play enough, or I didn’t feel like writing here about. I still like hap inc. and I wish I could still play Arkanoid vs Space Invaders. I guess I like playing Cinderella Girls Starlight Stage more than the Love Live games.

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cosmosogler · 7 years

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hi. today i slept in for an hour because that’s how i roll. or, i guess, don’t roll, because i was laying in one spot and not rolling.

snoopy peed on the couch this time. that’s the first time she’s done that. luckily i still had the trash bags so even though there was a lot of it, i could clean it up without too much trouble.

i considered all the biking i had to do today and decided to not work out. i took a super long shower. it was mostly super long because i was completely lost in thought! i came up with a story idea. i spent like three hours doing a little research and writing an outline. it was a mistake to spend all that time on “not homework” but i dunno. it’s been over a year since i wrote anything. i wanted to write. i have some stuff on my mind that i worked in a little bit.

it’s a follow up to that goof story i wrote about a friend’s characters meeting mine a few years ago.

i feel weird. a lot of my friends (and me, admittedly) have a favorite “go-to” character we revisit over and over again. asher’s got kai, for one. asher’s friends seemed like they had favorites too. i try to pay lots of attention to all my characters- and i do- but i dunno, kyral’s just the one i’ve spent the most time on. he’s really the only “protagonist team” character i’ve made that, i guess, succumbs to his flaws. everyone else overcomes them, or at least finds something they like to do. i guess making a character and projecting all my insecurity and anger onto him and watching him fail over and over is fascinating to me.

and i can’t feel too bad about ruining this imaginary character’s life because his life is mine.

maybe it feels like... i am giving myself permission to fail? by writing about this guy who can just never catch a break. he feels powerless, but it’s pretty justified- people make decisions for him constantly and he doesn’t always have the ability to object because his illness keeps him from following the conversation. he doesn’t even get to kill himself. he dies pointlessly when a villain wants to intimidate his friends during a diplomatic meeting. he gets tricked because the villain knows what his worst fear is and exploits it because they want the powerhouse of the group out of the picture.

i dunno. i watch my creation get kicked over and over and never get a chance to stand up and walk before he dies and i think to myself, “yeah, that’s about right.” i’m not sure what that says about me. it’s probably obvious to people i roleplay with but i put a lot of my focus on kyral and i don’t like to talk about my preference specifically.

i guess i worry what people will think if they know for sure that the person i relate to most out of all my characters is a personified natural disaster.

so anyway i was occupied with that for a long time. i had a very late lunch and went out to the grocery store. i had a great time actually- it took less than 10 minutes to get over there and i found most of the stuff i needed pretty quick. coming home was a little tougher because of everything i had packed onto the bike and myself but it went fine. i actually really like getting up to speed on the bike. i feel like i could go anywhere in town that i want!!

i came home and rested a while. i set up snoopy’s second litter box. the vet told me yesterday to just put a second one right next to her main one. so they are both under the sink and i had to find a different place to put the litter and the disposal container.

i also did my dishes and bummed around and played some pokemon. the competition is pretty alright. i like how short the battles are because i am less likely to lose my connection during any one of them. i got through 7 or 8 of them in, i don’t know, 30-ish minutes. i made myself dinner, burned it because i forgot i’d left it on the stove (i didn’t have enough water in the pot when i put in the pasta because i’d left it boiling for too long beforehand), and then i gathered my classical mechanics materials and biked out to campus. it takes 25 minutes to get to the physics building, which is actually the average amount of time it takes to get there on the bus in the mornings. and the time it takes to get home... i spend a lot of time waiting at the bus stop.

i stayed there for a little over 2 hours and didn’t even finish one problem even though i worked on it the whole time and didn’t even get distracted with tumblr or anything. so now i have 10 problems to finish tomorrow... but i told suzanne i was proud of myself because this is the first problem i’ve made all of my own headway on. like, i haven’t had to directly reference anyone else’s homework to make progress. suzanne asked what i did for the quantum assignment i’d just turned in and i said “oh, i forgot about that.”

i joked that i am really getting moving now, and i am able to learn this stuff, but i just can’t do it as fast as the professors want. suzanne laughed and said she never understands the course until a few weeks after the semester ends. everyone in the office agreed with that.

i don’t consider looking up the concepts on the internet to be directly referencing my classmates’ homework because looking stuff up on the internet is really hard. i have to figure out what key words to use in order to get the concept i’m looking for, and then i have to figure out what kind of notation they’re using, and then i have to follow the math and reason through it and try to figure out if it’s correct or not, or look up other stuff that gets used in the proof. i feel like that’s more under the umbrella of “research” than “asking classmate how they got the answer.”

i really don’t have time to do that tomorrow though, i might have to attach myself to suzanne like some kind of horrible leech until both assignments get done. i also gotta upload all the grades from last week and do the grading for this week... and the next quantum is due on wednesday, and i need to do some e&m homework before monday. so, also tomorrow.

and i didn’t clean the apartment today because i was in The Writing Bubble. well, i did the dishes... i hope mopping won’t take too long. the floor really needs it. it’s still got little marks from when i came home after walking through a storm and dripped dirty water all over the place.

ok, anyway, i wanted to go to bed at 10:30 to try and get up early tomorrow but now it is 10:50 because i was rambling about how i do homework and why it’s ok to do that. i haven’t written much here in a while it feels like.

i am... feeling a little better today health wise. i was still sniffly but when i woke up my nose was at least dry. and getting winded while out on the bike helped clear everything up a lot too. nothin like jumping off your bike and right into a nice coughing fit!

oh i bought saturnz barz finally because i’d forgotten about it for a while. that song is great. i love 2d’s voice. i wish i could sound that tired of life when i sing.

#tw suicide #it just gets mentioned

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cosmosogler · 7 years

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hi guys. i lost a lot of time today. really not feelin it. but i’ll write about it.

i woke up on time. i’d been having... bad dreams. yes. definitely bad ones. it took me a moment to remember anything past the extreme unease and the glittering lights. i was on a road trip? not sure. i was in like a casino city. dad was there, but he was also some kind of mob boss businessman? i think he tasked me to try to fill up all the empty stores along the roulette wheel, which was also a street, but also a roller coaster.

gainesville has a lot of empty shop shells. derelict. like my dreams for the last 25-ish years.

it’s almost my birthday. i’ll be 25.

i’m thinking about making cupcakes for my birthday. if i can get the cupcake tin before the end of next week.

anyway, the flashing and blinking and twinkling lights in the “city” were super disorienting and giving me a headache. it may have been in the same place that a previous dream i had involving dad was? i saw a few familiar landmarks. but that dream had taken place firmly during the day, and this was at night.

i eventually left after realizing that i was never going to fill all the shops, i could only try to place businesses in the busiest streets so that they’d get enough income to attract other places to come in and fill the space.

after that i left. i ended up in my high school’s theater auditorium, as happens pretty often. there’s several different versions of it, sometimes mashed up with a warehouse i dream about a lot, sometimes mixed into the independent theater i attended during grade school, especially in the backstage areas. sometimes it’s torn up into a lot of rooms that don’t quite match up with the real thing.

it’s weird. the big prominent back door in the high school theater doesn’t really make it into my dreams.

there’s usually a lot going on in the warehouse theater. this time i knew what they were doing but i still was not able to participate. i’m... not sure how to explain the game, and i’m not sure if it could be considered a game. it’s like a trapeze thing but there’s also a spoken script the players have to follow? conversations with people playing the game while i’m up standing on the ledge looking at them always feel very hollow. maybe it’s not that the conversations are pre-written so much as i’m distracting the players.

i woke up many times before sunrise again. when i got up i was sluggish and confused. i looked up the clinic’s hours well after 8 but i was out the door around 9 at least. i was stopped by a homeless couple. the guy asking me for money was EXTREMELY QUIET. i could not hear him over every single passing car. i felt really bad asking him to be louder. maybe we could have just moved away from the road but his boyfriend was looking kind of on edge and like they may have been in a hurry.

i guess i spent the time that i couldn’t hear him thinking over the situation. and i guess even if they weren’t actually going to use my money to buy a bus ticket out of town, at least they’d be doing whatever it was together.

he looked pretty young to be whispering “we’re a homosexual couple” to me next to a busy road with no pedestrians, but i don’t know the region’s atmosphere very well. and i can’t stand disappointing people. every time i mentioned that the cat in my backpack really needed to get to the vet he looked so bummed and i was hoping that reminding him that i needed to be somewhere would help him condense. but it didn’t. i think i missed the bus because when i got to the stop i looked at the next arrival time and it was like 40 minutes away.

so i walked to the other route that goes near the clinic and got on that bus instead. i missed the stop because the bus does not announce its stops nor actually stop at the stops. so i had to backtrack a bit when i realized we’d gone past where i wanted to be. not too far though.

so. some good news and some pretty bad news. i filled out snoopy’s paperwork at the vet and all the techs were very nice and the vet answered all my questions as i remembered to ask them. i was a little confused because basically everything they said completely contradicted what the first vet had said about cats.

the good news is that snoopy does not have a tumor on her head. she has a cosmetic cyst. “cosmetic” as in “it’s doing nothing and has nothing in it, but if you want her head to look nicer we can take it off for 500 dollars. but it might go away itself too.”

the bad news is that she has kidney disease, which is incurable and, eventually, fatal.

it’s not... it’s probably not going to happen soon. her bloodwork showed that the blood toxicity thing is pretty low right now. the vet did not give me a lifetime estimate and just said that all cats are different. i gotta choke up a lot of money for specifically pro-kidney prescription food though and i can’t give her any treats for... well, the rest of her life.

there was another cat at the shelter when we were adopting snoopy who had the same problem. i was bummed that i’d never be able to spoil her with cookies all the time so i got snoopy. but now i can’t spoil snoopy with piles of cookies either. at least she will eat the new food though. and she has gained some weight, but the vet wants her to put on another half of her total body weight.

so i carried snoopy and the food bag all the way home (with the help of the bus half the time). she didn’t hold the vet trip against me but she seems pretty interested in laying next to the washing machine. maybe the blood draw exhausted her. i did get her to eat some of the new food right away at least...

i was starving because it was 2 pm by the time i got her re-settled and i had a big lunch. then i basically did nothing for 4 hours and then i re-tried making the gnocchi. this time i hand-minced some garlic and made a nice butter-parmesan sauce and threw in some basil so it would taste italian. and it was actually really good. the amount of garlic was illegal though.

mom always puts tons and tons of garlic in her dishes so i might have trouble figuring out how much to put in my servings for a while.

tomorrow i got two classes. the third one is still being mysterious and will begin on friday. suzanne said i could borrow her mechanics textbook any time so tomorrow i’ll spend some time reading and taking notes- THAT’S THE PLAN.

i’m having so much trouble getting rolling on homework and studying. i was so lethargic today that i didn’t take out the recycling or finish washing my dishes right after dinner. and that’s the un-stressful stuff!!!

my gramma is slipping toward kidney failure. i’m thinking about what that means for snoopy. but... gramma doesn’t have me restricting her diet. i’m thinking snoopy’s probably got a while before i have to start doing the, like, daily injections? that the vet talked to me about.

i know everyone dies eventually. and i know roughly the age that people and dogs and cats reach. but no one really wants to hear that that time is, in fact, coming up. grampa’s dying the death of a thousand paper cuts and he’s already lived longer than any man on that side of the family in our history. gramma’s body is just stopping taking care of itself. eve got her leg chopped off, but she’s still 13. snoopy’s 12. i don’t know much about her. it’s only been ten days.

not sure i like having this buildup of “the end” in my life right now. i mean, i love all of these people and animals, and i never want to lose them, but the anticipation stresses me out, and i know that the longer each of them lives, the more likely they are to die pretty close to each other. mathematically, i guess.

knowing that someday i’ll have to keep going without any of them stresses me out.

anyway. i need to figure out how to out-motivate my anxiety. knowing intellectually that this is what i want to do with my life and every stepping stone on the way down this road is, in its own way, a joy doesn’t seem to be making me less anxious. and the fear of, i don’t know, both failing and succeeding is more powerful than my interest in any subject including my very favorite.

failing because this is what i want to do, and if i can’t do it because i’m not the right kind of person then it’s like “well, what now?”

succeeding because if i succeed then that’s wrong and someone must have made a mistake, but now everyone will expect me to know what i’m doing. and i never know what i’m doing. i don’t even know what i’m doing when i’m pretty sure i know what i’m doing! i can’t commit to anything because, like, if i get good at it, people will expect me to be consistently good at it! and i can’t be consistently good!! i can barely get up in the morning, let alone do quantum mechanics every day, or win at pokemon every day, or cook something good every day.

at least with cooking so far it’s been almost entirely for just myself. it’s easier to enjoy the project and take risks and goof off with weird combinations when i’m the only one who has to throw it away and just make corn dogs if it doesn’t work out. my first batch of cupcakes during my sick period this year was humiliating.

but i can’t actually get to the point where i am consistently good at something UNLESS i do it every day and spend a whole lot of time screwing up and making dumb mistakes. i gotta commit if i want to succeed. i’m not even that good at pokemon because i don’t actually play against other people. if i want to be good at physics i gotta do it a lot, and a lot of that has to be with other people who will point out my mistakes so i can stop making them.

but even doing a little bit is so difficult that it’s easy to find chores to do specifically so that i run out of time to do any actual physics.

look at that. i started writing super early but now it’s 10:10 and if i cracked open a physics book now i would get to bed late. guess i’ll have to do it tomorrow!!!!

at least, right now... it won’t be very helpful to worry a lot about snoopy. i’ve done everything i can right now and i can’t do anything past that. i’ll have to bring in the lab work the vet requested over the weekend or something because i just won’t have the time and energy to put like 2 hours into another vet trip if i got something else to do that day. i switched her food right over, and i am keeping her water fountain full and clean, and i am keeping her litter box clean, and i am trying to keep her fur clean. i don’t like that things take time. building skills, and getting to know people, and getting to know snoopy, and seeing how snoopy does with this chronic disease, are all things that take a LOT of time.

i wish my therapy appointment was this week instead of in a week. getting along by myself with no mental health support is a sisyphean monstrosity.

#i talk about death here

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cosmosogler · 7 years

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today i woke up on time!

i saw snoopy had pooped on the couch AND on the rug in front of the sink. so i shoved some in the sample thing and cleaned that up. then i worked out for over 20 minutes, and then i swam for about 10. i made 4 complete laps across the pool, which is... very big. then i showered and then i threw the blanket and rugs into the wash (snoopy’s gotten SOMETHING on all of them by now) and then i took the sample to the vet. getting there wasn’t too bad. i asked the tech at the counter some questions and she suckered me into buying a 20 dollar bottle of friendly cat smell.

the bus only comes once every hour on weekends so i sat at the bus stop and played pokemon and listened to a taz episode while i waited. i completed my taz episode right as i stepped off the bus near my apartment to walk home. then in the last minute of the walk, as soon as i reached the apartment property, the sky opened up and dumped on me. i sprinted to the building and that helped a little bit.

after that i was tired and it had taken about 2 hours to do what i thought would be an 80-90 minute job so i made some lunch. i lost my appetite a few bites in. i cleaned the apartment instead, and then i went grocery shopping.

it always hurts to spend that much money at once but then i realize that this food keeps me going for over a week basically, and it would be more than twice as expensive to try to eat on campus every day. vegetarian-oriented items can get expensive... and the fresh fruit puts a hole in my wallet. but i do feel pretty good, or good enough. i don’t get stomachaches when i eat that stuff, but my body still seems to feel sick.

the trip back from the grocery store was pretty intense! i got some really good practice at looking completely occupied and unwilling to let anyone get in my way. freshman-looking girls and boys parted for me on the sidewalk. i hurt my shoulder carrying the canvas bag. it doesn’t still really hurt, but it is kind of tender when i work the joint.

also for some reason my key wasn’t working on the back door to the building so i had to walk an extra block around the front and then all the way back around the outside to the back where the stairs/elevator are.

after that it was kinda late... i put on another taz and made my team for the pokemon competition. i got ROCKED in my first battle, and then my internet went out during the second battle so i kinda left it at that. i called mom and asked about the dogs and left instructions for my sister to find some gamecube games to send and that took a half hour. i also made a microwave dinner but it was kinda weird tasting and i was sad that it did not taste like actual pad thai at all. like it was a total airball on flavor there.

i opened a smaller window for snoopy and she loved it. and i took out the trash and recycling. i can’t seem to produce enough trash to fill a bag before it’s time for it to be taken out. i don’t mind that- it’s just a shame to be using the normal amount of bags for not a lot of trash.

instead of studying tonight i spent a lot of time training my pokemon and just listening to music and chilling. i combed through all the university’s clubs to look for a hobby that fits my schedule. looks like i’m going to check out the knitting club and maybe the creative writing club. let’s see if i can actually show my art to other people any more. i ain’t made no art in a long time, visual or writing.

i was kind of annoyed with myself for training pokemon but i couldn’t seem to stop. i’m just so tired after all the running around all day and pokemon is a nice thing to keep my hands busy when my brain can’t keep going any more.

i also wanted to check out events for residents around town but the official gainesville event web site hasn’t updated in about four years. so that wasn’t a very good resource.

tomorrow i’m going to go to the physics department and study there. it’s a little easier (not easy, but... less hard) to stay focused in my office compared to my desk at home. partly because it’s a working place, but mostly because i can fit everything comfortably on the desk’s surface and it’s not too cluttered. i haven’t found a good place yet for a bunch of things that have found their home on my desk. since snoopy isn’t using the top of the little drawer any more i might put some stuff there...

snoopy’s starting to fill out a little more. her shoulders feel like a normal animal and not like a skeleton. and i’ve gotten a little better at brushing- short swipes like how cats groom themselves instead of body-length brushes. it doesn’t pick up nearly as much hair, but snoopy seems more comfortable with it.

she also seems to like to lounge where she has a good view of whatever she wants to look at. her bed is by the window and she only hangs out on the top perch of that. she also likes to sleep next to the washing machine with a clear view out past me at my desk into the hallway. and the top of my bed is high enough to see out of the little alcove into the kitchen/living room/window. the little shelf under my desk does not provide much to look at.

that was my day, basically, roughly. it’s weird how body tiredness and mind tiredness are not always in sync. right now both are tired, absolutely, but after my workout this morning really just my body was tired. and most of the time, only my mind is tired. when one is tired the other usually gets super restless. hence the fiddling with pokemon all evening.

i’m not really sure why i still keep losing my appetite. i guess i am pretty stressed... not as lonely with snoop around, but still kinda wanting more out of my conversations. i talk to snoopy but it’s mostly stuff that’s meant to be reassuring. at this point she might think her name is “good girl” haha.

i think snoopy and i are a good match for each other personality wise. there’s some learning and adjusting behaviors happening of course but she’s very affectionate and i have a lot of affection to give. we’re also both kinda low-energy and fairly quiet.

she’s kind of like eve in that she loves pets and can’t get enough of a good scratch under the chin, but she doesn’t like cuddling at all. that’s fine with me. but it’s kind of funny because snoopy likes to perch on the couch’s arm and won’t let me help her balance with two hands so sometimes she ends up leaning into my hand and almost tipping off the couch. she probably would slip less if she had claws.

oh, today she discovered that she can use the smaller couch to get up on my kitchenware shelves. she was poking my silverware with her nose. she’s pretty good about cutting it out when i use a more urgent tone of voice at least. or when i gently push her nose away from my food with the back of my hand. i wonder what she was like when she was younger.

anyway i guess i should get ready for bed. in my dreams last night i took a swim to the bottom of the ocean looking for a palace that was popping in and out of existence like there was some kind of static between it and reality. i caught a glimpse of it, toward the end, but the currents were too strong so i never really got anywhere near it.

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