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tvlandofficiall · 8 hours

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i really like seam. with a sizable amount of dialogue, a wonderfully composed theme song, some very interesting connections, and a sharp personality that lends well to thinking up interesting character interactions, they’re a character who more than deserves to be recognized in their own right. surprisingly though, i don’t see a whole lot of analysis out there when it comes to this slept-on stuffed animal, especially when compared to more recent introductions to the speculation scene like dess holiday or big plot movers like the knight. a lot of the analyses i have seen, both the kind that aligns with or has informed my own reading and the kind that does not, has either been long-deleted or lost to time. but tucked away inside seam’s seap is one of the most interesting characters in the game to me, and i want to shine a light (or perhaps, more fittingly, take a step into the darkness) on just what makes them such a fascinating addition to deltarune and its writing here, since most of the other seam analyses i’ve seen around are either long-deleted or are few and far between.

ANALYSIS

FATE

to start talking about seam (or any darkner, for that matter) we’ve got to talk about fate.

after all, fate and agency are all but literally the name of the game here. and seam has quite a bit to do with both of those things. right away, they tell us a couple of very important things. the lightners, they tell us, are like gods to the darkners, and they’re the ones who give the darkners their purpose.

they are actually the first to bring up the concept of a darkner’s purpose to us, and for good reason.

purpose is a concept set up all throughout chapter one, and then paid off at the end of it – once we see that the darkners are all objects, it all comes together.

an object’s fate is to serve and assist the person using it, much like kris’ fate is to serve and assist us as a player in using the game deltarune. (you need a player character to play, after all.) this setup lets the concept be further explored in chapter two, especially with spamton, but we’re here to talk about seam.

seam, being a darkner, is an object – a stuffed doll, to be exact. they’re actually the one ch1 darkner with a unique sprite in the light world, interestingly enough – so even if you end up missing their seap, there’s a little clue left to catch your eye and prompt you to seek them out. this is something that will come up again in later sections – they’re someone that’s made out to be quite important to a certain segment of the game.

but seam isn’t the soft and fluffy sort of personality a stuffed animal might typically be assigned as. (that honor goes first and foremost to the prince of the dark himself.) no, seam is a fairly snide old cat, and they certainly don’t have any pretense of considering you heroes when you first meet. they’re a doomy, gloomy, type of person;

and they do it all with a smile on their face to boot. they’re also quite a nihilistic personality, making no secret of the fact that nothing much here matters and that they sure aren’t too bothered about that. unlike their king, they don’t express much anger at their situation nor struggle against it in any way. they’re plenty content to stay right where they are – they don’t even come out to celebrate with everyone when the party goes to seal the fountain!

and there’s an additional reason for that, too –

seems they not only know the kingdom’ll vanish, but they know it’s fate that our party’ll make it happen, too. (lancer, as a contrasting example, doesn’t know until it’s already happened.)

as for the fate of an object, though – well, they tell us themselves. neither light nor dark hold anything for them.

as demonstrated through the other characters; be a useful object, and you’ll be rewarded with fulfillment, love, and attention. be a useless object, and you’ll be left abandoned, unfulfilled, and desperate. but either way, every object becomes useless eventually – no matter how many times you’re patched up without a choice in the matter. either way, you’re still an object – and either way, your fate is a pretty bleak one.

so why try fighting against something as steadfast as fate? it’s fate, after all! seam’s certainly not spamton – they don’t bother themselves with any pretense of breaking strings or defying destiny. and unlike the companion that led their worldview down such a dark path in the first place, they don’t find any freedom in their nihilistic outlook or in the kingdom’s purposelessness.

though such nihilism does, in an ironic twist, cause them to be the one who poses the question – if they’ve lost any care for the light or for its absence, could they find “purpose” in another darkner instead? could they find meaning in what little is their own?

TELEGRAPHED IMPORTANCE (OR; GAMEPLAY AND STORY INTEGRATION)

jevil and seam used to be quite close. before the knight arrived and all four kings ruled together, the two of them were a part of their court – seam the court mage, jevil the court jester. one day, jevil met a strange someone, and the things he’d told seam since that time have led their worldview to grow – in their own words – darker yet darker. this seems to have been the cause for the mindset described above – if the seeds of such a mindset hadn’t existed already.

seam doesn’t exactly know if they’d consider him a friend. but he was the only one who could match them in the games they’d play together – but match up to what, exactly?

through the power of setup and payoff, we can find out. when talking to jevil before his battle, the jester mentions wanting to play one of his games with everyone once he’s out. and he’s happy to play this game with the party, too.

the game itself is, of course, his boss battle. it’s a deadly “numbers game” where he holds most of the cards as one of the (if not the) strongest bosses in the game. and so when seam mentions playing games with jevil before he began to see the whole world as such, we can infer from this context what those games were. it’s a payoff to what jevil set up during his fight – like two people throwing a ball back and forth in narrative form.

we get some good characterization out of this, too. seam’s not just a fan of the games they played with jevil, they’re downright ecstatic about them – even asking the party eagerly to tell them what happens when they meet with jevil, saying they almost wish they could watch! a little chaos is nothing short of thrilling to them.

but this isn’t the only setup and payoff seam’s got going on. jevil’s fight also introduces the secret bosses’ main throughline – the shadow crystals. after the party defeats jevil, a crystal is added to our inventory, and talking to seam lets us do something with it.

the shadow crystals are a popular point of speculation, and seam is sitting at the very center of the mystery. it’s they that collect the crystals, supposedly to stitch together something incredible for us. there’s also the added mystery of the unused purecrystal item – seemingly, seam may also have the ability to purify these crystals too – but i’ll get into that in a later section. for now, let’s talk about the crystals.

to bring seam the crystals at all, we’ve got to talk to them in their relocated shop. they’re the only shopkeeper who retains their full shop menu in castle town – spamton is absent from town altogether, rouxls and swatch do not have menus at all, and sweet cap’n cakes’ shop is remodeled into a jukebox with limited options. as such, they are the one to retain the updating, lengthier talk menu afforded to the shopkeepers. they also retain their unique shop theme – a waltz remix of the battle theme, “rude buster”. already, they’re set up to stand out.

and when we do talk to them, they has a number of varying reactions to the crystals based on the order in which you collect them. many of these contribute to the mysterious nature of seam as a character, as the context in which they occur changes what would otherwise be quite similar dialogue.

if you defeat jevil and bring his crystal to seam, they’re surprised to see that he had one. but, if you haven’t, seam pesters you about it – clearly implying they know you’d have gotten a crystal from him if you had. still, they’ll say the same surprised dialogue once you do bring jevil’s crystal to them – causing you to wonder if they were playing coy about it or not the first time around too. how do they know how that mechanic works? was there some strange intuition how they’d learned his defeat gave us the crystal, or did they know all along?

regardless, we know one thing’s for certain – seam knows what a shadow crystal is. they recognize the first crystal you bring them immediately, explaining what a shadow crystal is, that they’re held by powerful darkners, and later, implies they may come from special connections to the lightners. they’re obviously quite familiar with these crystals, leaving us to wonder just how they did and what the extent of their familiarity really is. what exactly do they want with these crystals? why do they know so much about them? why do they act so sketchy when we talk to them – there are quite a few moments that read like they’re trying to scare or bore us away given how often they say such things.

(seriously, they do this a LOT.)

and there are a few more moments where they allude to knowing things they shouldn’t, too – like the power of the next foe we’ll face and the nature of the neo body.

this mystery is, as mentioned before, another way in which setup and payoff are used to keep seam within the loop of the secret bosses’ storyline. seam prompts us to discover more crystals and tells us how to do it, we go to discover more crystals and meet spamton (who has both incredibly important thematic stuff and a difficult boss fight in his arsenal), and we bring spamton’s crystal back to seam. this sets seam up as the connecting thread of the “secret boss” arc of the game. (in other words, similarly to how ralsei and susie are central characters of the main story, seam is the central character of this section of the story.)

(and if you've ever played slay the princess, these segments are another good point of comparison.)

overall, they’re telegraphed as an important character both thematically and to this storyline of the game in a more strictly mechanical sense.

EXTRACANONICAL MATERIAL AND OTHER LOOSE THREADS

EXTRACANONICAL MATERIAL

to really get into the weeds of why seam is being telegraphed as an important character, i’d like to talk a bit about some extracanonical material as well. this information, while less immediately relevant to the game itself, is recent enough (specifically, it is all official content published after ch1’s release) that it’d like to consider it here – albeit in its own separate, much smaller section.

there are several pieces of extracanonical material and one or two unused items that are relevant to seam. the first of those is the seam ripper, a weapon detailed in the undertale cross-stitch book.

there isn’t much to say about this that isn’t explained in and of itself.

the second of those is this answer from the twitter qna that followed the spamton sweepstakes;

“cat/puppet” seems to match up to seam pretty accurately. plus, in addition to the obvious “puppet” status that darkners have at the whims of fate, “poppet” can be another word for “doll”.

finally, there is this unused item that draws a fair bit of speculation.

because it remains unused, it is far more dubious than the former two in terms of relevancy. it could end up remaining unused due to not making sense with the presented version of the game, or it could end up being implemented later due to it seeming like something to be introduced later as opposed to an older concept that got scrapped. however, because it is such a dubious item, i likely won’t be dwelling on it in this section as much as the former two things i’ve mentioned. still, i feel it’s worth mentioning. seam may have yet another trick up their sleeve when it comes to the crystals.

UNDERTALE

keen-eyed players may have also noticed another thing cueing seam as important – namely, their similarities to a certain character from undertale. deltarune, being a game not only about us as players but about us as players of undertale, uses symbols and signifiers of it to induce a variety of reactions in the player. although they are not identical to these characters – nor should they be, as this is a story about a new cast first and foremost – the cues still let us know these new focal characters can at times be similar to ones found in undertale. think of it a bit like how a character losing their shoe on a staircase can often be meant to make you think of cinderella.

seam has a few of these cues. the first is their eye – a dead ringer for one of flowey’s creepy faces. it spins clockwise just like a face flowey makes before his boss fight at the end of a neutral run. this cueing makes a lot of sense, given flowey’s also a bit of a nihilist (i’d suggest going back and watching flowey’s monologue at the end of a no mercy route – the whole thing is very relevant.)

they’ve also got a face that, when flipped horizontally, looks much like the mysteryman sprite – often speculated to be gaster – as well as the aforementioned drop of the infamous “darker, yet darker” line in reference to their descent into madness.

the secret bosses all seem to have more than a few signifiers of the man, and it makes perfect sense that the darkner standing at the center of the mystery would have them too. perhaps such a strange person is a part of what motivates them…

CONCLUSION

overall, however, we don’t yet know much about seam. they’re keen to tell us a lot of things about a lot of people, but their own story and motivations remain unknown at this point in the story. however, that doesn’t mean they’re unimportant – i’ve detailed here why i think they’re set up to be a central character to the secret boss arc, and i think that they’re far more worth keeping an eye on than they might seem at first glance.

#ooc #seam #deltarune #PHEW. this took a while. it's sort of a masterpost and cleaner version of all of my older seam posts that've been making the rounds again #i couldn't include screencaps of all the text due to there being so many of them but all of the dialogue referenced is in the text dump if #you want to check it out for yourself!

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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 17 hours

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i would love some vessel x reader sleepy cuddles and kisses please :)))

To breathe in your arms

Most of the time the post-concert crashes took them all out. To the point where getting any kind of food or beverage into them was one impossible task. But one thing that occurred without fail was that needy side of Vess. One that made him rush through all the packing up. Craving nothing more than to lock the door behind him and keep you in his arms for the rest of the night.

“Go to sleep”, you muttered, brushing your fingers through his still slightly wet post-shower hair. “Not tired”, Vess muttered, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. Trying to suppress a yawn. “Yeah, I can tell”, you chuckled beneath your breath, pressing a loving kiss at the top of Vessel’s head. “Missed you today”, he mused, looking up at you. “We were practically glued together”, you reminded him. And he had been dragging you around with him all day long. Refusing to let go of your hand. And if that wasn’t possible he at least wanted to be able to see you standing close by.

“Not really”, Vess objected, with a slight shake of his head. “Oh, sorry that i went to the bathroom without you”, you chuckled, and even if it was barely there you could see a slight smile creeping onto Vessel’s face. He stayed still before jabbing his fingers into your sides, making you squirm beneath him. Before pressing a lazy kiss to your collarbone. One after another. Before pulling away, eyes drowning you in. A deep sigh left his lips.

“Come on”, you pulled at him, opening your arms for him. “To lay on you?”, and he sounded so unsure in his words that it almost made you frown. “You don’t want to?”, bits of self-doubt stirred deep within your chest. “Fuck, of course, I do”, Vess murmured, before reaching for his shirt but stopping mid-way.

“Can I ask for something… but it’s stupid so you can say no”, the words fall fast, as he sits down on the side of the bed. “What is it?”, you move yourself up on your elbows as you watch him, slowly swirling his thoughts in his head, “No, actually forget it”, he shakes his head after a moment, waving you off. “Vess… we talked about you saying the things going in your head. I can’t read them, remember?”, you sighed. Vess just looked at you for a moment. Like he always does. One of those looks where he’s slowly drinking you in. “Can we cuddle”, he mutters after a heartbeat. You can’t help but frown, “That’s what I'm offering, baby”, you blink up at him feeling slightly confused.

“Naked”, Vess says so quietly that for a minute you’re sure that you might have imagined it but it’s once again his eyes that speak the loudest. “Sure”, you shrug, not understanding where the sudden shyness over something you two had already seen more than a handful of times, had sprouted.

“I just feel like all this material is in the way”, he runs a hand through his hair, “It’s weird, probably, right?” You smile at him, scouting closer, till you can reach him properly. “It’s far from weird”, you shake your head, leaning in to kiss his shoulder before, reaching for the ham of his shirt. Waiting for him to give you a slight nod before pulling it up. “Just missed the warmth of your skin”, Vess admits, leaning in to kiss your lips before he too reaches for the shirt his shirt that you have on.

He lets his eyes dance over your naked skin for a moment. “So pretty”, muttering he brushes his lips over yours once more. “Right back at you”, you nuzzle your nose against him, reaching for his grey sweatpants, “You’re more than aware how unwell I am over your v line”, you lick your lips, wiggling your eyebrows at him. Vessel lets out a slight chuckle. “Heard a thing or two”, he shrugs, kicking his pants off. “I can name favorite as well”, kissing your hip bone he slowly pulls your panties down your legs, before throwing them carelessly over his shoulder.

“Cuddle me you big softie”, you caress his cheek before pulling at his bare shoulders. He slides over you like a serpent. Kissing up your body before carefully lowering himself into your embrace. The deepest sigh leaves his lips, “I feel like I can breathe again”, he admits, wrapping his arms over your torso. “Then let yourself breathe. I will not let go until you’re fully recharged”, Vess hums at your words, pulling up to leave a couple of lazy kisses over your chest and shoulders before melting into your warm body.

#vessel x reader #vessel imagine #sleep token vessel x reader #sleep token vessel imagine #sleep token vessel x you #sleep token vessel x oc #sleep token x reader #sleep token x you #sleep token imagine

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etherealsworldvision · 11 hours

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Let’s Soothe Your Mind

Before I begin the reading I’d like to take a moment to talk about Save The Redwoods. They’re a non-profit organization who is committed to protect and restore redwood forests. If you’re interested do check out their website and if you’d like to further your support here is their donation link.

Divider Credits: @ianrkives & @plum98

New Song Discovery for the Reading: Reservations – Dugong Jr, Julia Lostrom, Keelan Mak

Pile 1 Pile 2 Pile 3

🚨 P.S.A 🚨 : I do not give personal readings! Disclaimer: this is for entertainment only!

Added Description: all my readings are timeless and meant to reach those who resonate to the messages.

[ General Messages: Rain; Autumn; Libra and Leo Seasons, “My love do you ever dream of candy coated raindrops”- Candy Rain by Soul for Real, Longboards (Skateboarding and Surfing); Raya the Last Dragon; Dewdrop; Spicy (foods); Avatar the Last Airbender; Fire Flakes; Honeydew; Drinks; Tantrums; Saturn Hour; Saturn Placements and Aspects; (Smithsonian) Museums; 1010; Kendrick Lamar; Trouble - Taylor Swift; Caught Up; Cheat; Exclusion; (Reaction) Memes; Distrust; Camping; Tents; Connections; Frustration; Online ]

Pile 1

[ Cards: Justice; Moon Reversed; Ace of Wands; Seven of Cups Reversed; Two of Wands ]

Confirmation Messages: Gojo & Geto; Anxiety (Playlist); “Get off of me/Ew get away,” (directed towards emotions feeling stuck to your body or feels like “bugs” crawling on skin); Anxiousness; Nervousness; Shadow and Bones (?); Shadow Hunters; Slowing Down; Chaotic Energy; Out of Control; Bugs; (Breaking) Habits; Messy Thoughts; Strategic; “Playing it Cool”; Patrick Star?; Hares; Hates Feeling Emotions; Pink Flowers (Real or Artificial); Systems Down; Mewing (?)

Something new might have happened or you feel like this is the universe (or whoever you believe in) giving you something. This energy feels like Carl and Cindy’s interaction (from Jimmy Neutron). In this case you’re Carl and Cindy is the universe lol. Maybe you were in a rut or had a cycle of “unfortunate events” in regard to circumstances or people.

If you’re asking for clarification: You have free will — it’s up to you whether you want to continue what you’re doing or not. I’m not sensing anything “bad” or “malicious” intent in regards to what/who you’re inquiring about. There’s this sense of catastrophizing new things. There’s also this feeling of “too good to be true”. I don’t know if you said/thought/felt this: “I need a fucking break” is strongly coming in.

So now that you have this break — it’s almost like you don’t know what to do or how to proceed. It’s as if you’re holding a globe but you don’t get to actually go anywhere. Maybe at one point you did get experience with this, only to be let down? Either way having no control is what’s scaring you and causing this anxiousness (especially if this deals with a person).

What’s coming in for those who are iffy about proceeding: “let them, just let them because you are your own before and after meeting this person”. This can also deal with a situation too — as in this doesn’t define you. There is no need to punish/blame yourself for being afraid/ not taking this offer. It just means you weren’t ready and that’s okay. Go at your own pace.

For those of you who want to proceed with this situation/person then you’ll have to let down your walls bit by bit. Again it’s okay to go at your own pace or ask to slow down. The same applies: “let them”. The door is always open so let them or “let you”. You can always set it down and move to the next one. It’s okay.

Bonus Question to Ask Yourself: “What did I keep doing that keeps hurting? Why do I keep repeating this behavior?” - by WNRS

So that’s all that I’m getting for pile 1. If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading this, I really appreciate it. If this resonates let me know. I am supporting you through and through 🧡!

Pile 2

[ Cards: Three of Swords Reversed; 3 of Pentacles Reversed; 6 of Swords; 5 of Pentacles Reversed; 9 Of Swords; 3 of Wands ]

Confirmation Messages: Courage; Charli XCX (Brat album); The Sun; Music; Concerts; Celebrity; Billie Eilish; Air and Earth Placements; Careless; Responsibility; Overthinker; New Things; Success; Moving On; 55; 66; 333; 9; Truth; Waiting; Patience; Releasing Judgement; Let it flow; Getting or Wanting Numbers? Holding Back; Calculated Risks; Chappell Roan; Doechii; Temptation - Raveena; Gemini; Aries

So I’m feeling like you’re releasing this heartache (for some it could be from your past?) I don’t know why, I pulled a clarification and it’s the 10 of Cups and I heard “No that’s so scary, Boo Feelings and Happiness!” So maybe you’re afraid of things working out because you were always let down in the past.

I feel like this can be about a connection (?) — there’s a lot of air coming in which means social lives. This may have come when things just started to calm down or in the midst of healing? To be honest this pile’s energy tends to overthink a lot. Like I feel like there’s this thing where you’re scared of saying the wrong thing which makes you take a step back only to make the overthinking worse. Maybe you’re asking friends what to do because I split the deck and saw 3 of Cups.

For some reason I feel like you need more reassurance so I’ll just pull out more cards for you. So I got the 2 of cups and the Eight of Wands (reversed), Judgement, and the Emperor. The first thing I’m picking up is that: you two may have opposite personalities or are awake at different times because we have two blue cards and two gold cards.

I’m also getting that the pace is painfully slow despite things going smoothly. It’s like you want to take control but you’re aware it won’t go smoothly if you rush it. For some of you there’s this thing of being afraid to take the “lead” or being pressured by society to take the lead.

(Side note: I don’t know who needs to hear this but there’s no hierarchy in a connection. There’s no, “who wears the pants” or whatever heteronormative stuff that gets constantly pushed into connections. What makes a connection work is when both people see each other as equals and accepting of one another)

You’re going to hate me for this but…it takes time and teamwork for a connection to work out. So yeah, go at your own comfortable pace (not a pace society tells you to go by) and enjoy the present time. For some reason I really have to “hammer it in” to take your time; let this connection take its time. Let things fall into place all on its own and if you feel called to do something (meaning the timing is right) then by all means take that initiative.

When you let things slowly progress you will also get a better understanding and feel of this person, from there you can see if you want to proceed or not.

Bonus Questions to Ask Yourself: “When have I given too much of myself in a relationship (could also be platonic)? What did that look like? What lesson did that leave me with?” - WNRS

That’s really all I’m getting, to be honest this reading is so chaotic and so long even though it barely reached 5 paragraphs. If you made it this far thank you so much, I appreciate it. I’m wishing you luck and please take your time!

Pile 3

[ Cards: Queen of Pentacles; 7 of Swords; Justice; Five of Cups Reversed; 8 of Pentacles; 7 of Cups; 7 of Pentacles ]

Confirmation Messages: Horror Games; Paranormal; Libra; Yellowjackets; Birds of a Feather; Unrequited; Nevada; Winter; Baby Powder; Scents; Insincerity; Friday; Outcasts; Water(falls); Late Spring; (Couples) Therapy; 777; (Down by the Water) PJ Harvey; Library; Goth (Music); Unknown; Earth Placement; Situationship; Clear Mind; Tiredness; “Success is the Best Revenge”; Lana Del Rey; Distractions; Cheating; 1:23

You may have left a connection or felt this person was dishonest. I think what made it worse is outside advice (which is ironic because y’know we’re here lol). Perhaps someone gave you the, “time heals all wounds” or “it’s okay! Just get pretty and focus on your job!” Only to feel dread, I’m not going to lie. I don’t know if you put a limit to your sadness because there’s this sense of, “I should be over this by now.” I feel like some of you did achieve this success/glow up you wanted yet still feel grief.

Honestly, it’s okay to grieve as long as you want to. There is no time limit to feel grief and sadness. Realistically speaking, grief stays with us. Grief can come in the form of memories popping up or when you feel nostalgic — that’s a part of grief and that’s okay. All we can do is look at them and see them for who they are and what they did. (Now, I’m not excusing their actions at all!) For example; it’s one of those things where someone waits for years to get closure only to get nothing and in the end they accept they’ll never get it.

I know this may sound bitter and for some bittersweet, but let the grief flow. You’re not crying over “spilt milk”, for all we know it’s not just spilt milk! Maybe it was milk you got with your hard earned money and now you don’t have milk because you just spent the last portions of your money so you can wipe your ass! So no, it’s not just milk! (lol sorry I just hate when the 5 of cups gets that connotation — there’s always something deeper to it.)

Look, distracting yourself out of emotions via deep diving in your work isn’t always the best thing to do. Sometimes you need silence (no music or sounds!) and sit with yourself. Really sit, lay or something with yourself and be vulnerable. Sit with that feeling for just a minute (not drown in it) because it’s asking to be acknowledged. Acknowledgment is a key to acceptance and with that comes the healing.

I feel like when you do acknowledge your grief, come to terms with the situation/person for who they are it’ll make the healing process bearable. I’m not saying it’ll be easier and you’ll be happy at a flip of a coin. I’m just saying because of this acceptance you may find you’re not doing your work/hobbies/goals for the sake of revenge but because it’s for you. You’re doing these things because you love it or for your own happiness/fulfillment.

Bonus Question to Ask Yourself: “What’s my favorite song at the moment? Why do I love it so much? (Play it for yourself)”. - by WNRS

Alrighty Pile 3 that’s all I got for you, thank you so much for reading until the very end! I appreciate it. I'm giving you some peace and love 🧡.

#Spotify #pick a card #pick a card reading #tarot #tarot pick a card #tarotblr #pick a picture #tarot readers of tumblr #tarotreading #earth placements #air placements #Gemini #gemini placements #aries season #aries placements #aries #gemini season

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tartarusknight · 1 day

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The Hair Falls to Ruin

12,198 total words | read on ao3 | Part 1 | this is part 2

tw: spiraling self-doubt, not feeling like you're enough, of never feeling like someone's favorite person, absent parents, friends who take jokes too far, injury, miscommunication, and quarantine

tags: Steve Harrington Needs a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Hurt Steve Harrington, Steve Harrington Loves The Party, Steve Harrington Has Self-Esteem Issues, Steve Harrington's King Steve Persona, Steve Harrington is Not Okay, Haircuts

Summary: People pretended to see it. To believe that he was someone new, someone better. But in all of their hearts, he would always be King Steve. The asshole, the jock, the bully, the prep, the douchebag, the idiot… The Hair.

Eddie screamed as the bats pulled him down. His mind was a mess of I didn’t run and I’m going to die and I should’ve ran. But he didn’t have time to fix his mistake. Not as bats pulled his limbs taut and more of them dove in for a feast. He screamed as he felt the teeth sinking into him. But as all felt lost. As Eddie felt everything ending, his savior appeared in a burst of light. Fire erupted a little too close to Eddie making the bats scatter. “Eddie!” The bats had parted enough for Eddie to see him. Steve. He swung his bat like a true warrior, sweat making some of his hair stick to his forehead.

Steve looked frantic and furious. He looked perfect to Eddie. Steve pulled out a can of hair spray and suddenly there was more fire. It made Steve look like a dragon. “I swear to- you better be okay.” Steve snapped as he took the small moment that the fire had given them to reach Eddie. “Just- fucking- hold on, Eds,” He ordered as he pulled Eddie up like he didn’t weigh anything. Eddie let out something between a scream and a cry as he landed on Steve’s shoulder. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Steve grunted out and Eddie felt as Steve shook the hairspray and the heat of fire keeping the bats away for another moment.

Eddie was limp, his body a mix of numb and burning. He hoped that Steve hadn’t lit him on fire. The wounds on his gut screamed as Steve took off at a run. Eddie noticed the nail bat on the ground by a smear of blood on the ground like Steve dropped his only weapon to grab Eddie. “I’ve got you, I’ve-” Steve said, his hand going back to Eddie’s body against his.

“Vec-Vecna?” He choked out and for a moment he thought that maybe Steve didn’t hear him but as Steve ran as fast as he could, he heard Steve laugh, a breathless little thing.

“You think the girls needed me?” And yeah, Eddie thought everyone could use a Steve by their side.

Bats that had scattered were regrouping and they swirled like a storm in their direction. Steve must’ve realized they didn’t have the time to get to real shelter because he drops them by the old culvert. He pushed at Eddie, shoving him in and pausing for a single moment before using his own body to block the entrance of the culvert. Blocking the bats from touching Eddie again. He hovered over Eddie with a furrowed brow as the bats tried their best to tear through him. Yet his jaw remained clenched, not a sound to be heard.

Eddie gripped Steve’s jacket and held him in place as he heard the monsters once again getting a taste of Steve. And he didn’t know what to do. What to say. Because in that moment, Eddie realized that Steve was going to die for him. Steve was willing to be eaten alive just to let Eddie last a little bit longer. His eyes stared up at Steve and he wished he could think of the right thing to say. But he couldn’t. He just stayed there, clinging to Steve and breathing the same toxic air as him. And Steve took all the pain with his eyes squeezed shut.

Until like another miracle, like Steve coming wasn’t enough, the bats stopped. Everything grew quiet as Eddie listened to Steve’s harbored breathing. The younger boy looked like he might never be ready to move again and Eddie wished for a moment that Steve had let him die. That Steve had realized that he didn’t need to put his energy into saving him. That he should’ve just left him to suffer this alone. He wished that maybe, just maybe this angel above him had stayed in the clouds, so far from Eddie’s grip. From the hell he’s suffered because of Eddie.

They didn’t move until Dustin’s scream of his name had Steve blinking his eyes open. There were tears so close to falling but Eddie watched the way Steve forced them back. Then, like Steve hadn’t been a chew toy, Steve pulled them both out of their hiding hole. He took Eddie’s arm over his shoulders but Eddie almost pulled back when he felt blood sliding against the leather of his jacket. “Eddie!” Dustin yelled and they turned towards the sound.

Dustin was moving over to them as fast as he could with a new limp. “Dustin,” Steve breathed out, his voice so filled with relief.

looked over at his angel and knew that Steve had come back for Dustin. But he stayed and saved Eddie instead. He didn’t go and look for Dustin even when his younger brother could’ve been suffering the same fate, he stayed with Eddie. And Eddie felt tears welling up in his eyes as Steve lifted an arm that was so covered in blood to pull Dustin into a tight hug. “What happened? Are you alright?” Steve asked, his voice sounding worse than Eddie’s. Dustin wrapped himself around both of them and blood, whose Eddie didn’t know, smeared between the three of them. But they didn’t let go of each other. As the world shook around them the three of them couldn’t stay on their feet. Eddie felt a white burst of pain before he lost consciousness. The last thing he hears is Dustin’s frantic voice saying his name.

~~~~~~

Eddie wasn’t sure how it would go when he woke up in the hospital. He expected handcuffs and threats of jail. Instead, he woke up in the hospital bed next to Steve’s. The door shut tight but not to trap him until he was well enough for jail, but to keep him quarantined until they knew the bats wouldn’t have any side effects. Instead, he wakes and Steve’s sitting up with his arms crossed even though one of his arms is completely covered in bandages. Steve glances over when Eddie lets out a groan and his face twists into a grin, like Eddie’s company was a good thing.

“Hey, man,” Steve grins and Eddie shifts, wincing at the brush of his legs against the blankets.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Eddie tries to joke but his voice comes out quiet and more like a groan. Steve’s brow furrows and he’s trying to get out of his own bed before Eddie can figure out why. Steve’s hands shake as he picks up a cup from Eddie’s side table and the IV is pulled tight before it’s pulled from his skin. “Steve,” Eddie tries but Steve just glares and holds the cup up to his lips. Eddie’s face grows hot as he lets Steve help him take a few sips. Holding his head up with one hand and the cup with the other.

There’s a knock and Steve looks over to see a window that Eddie hadn’t noticed before. A buzz grows through the room and a man’s tired voice is heard. “Please stay in your bed.” He says and Steve rolls his eyes and he sets the cup down.

“If I can get up-”

There’s a sigh into the speaker, “that doesn’t mean you should, Steve.”

Steve huffs and looks at Eddie like he’s saying, can you believe this man. “Alright Owens,” he says and brushes his hand over Eddie’s before moving back to his bed. Eddie watches him and hears the groan he makes as he settles down. “No fun,” Steve says when he’s finally comfortable and Eddie doesn’t point out that Steve’s breathing harshly just from the small movement.

“You’re insane,” Eddie mutters and Steve looks over at him with a weird smile.

“Yeah, well you had us all worried. Passing out on me and Dustin,” he states and Eddie blinks. “Don’t worry, I got us out of there and to the hospital.” And Eddie might be a little fuzzy from the drugs pumping through his system but he’s sure that Steve was in worse shape than he was. “The girls were angry that we ditched them for like a second before they found out what happened. But don’t worry it was more at me than anything. You know, for fucking up the plan by leaving them and heading back.” He says and almost sounds guilty about it.

Eddie huffs, “Well, I’m happy about it, at least.”

That makes Steve smile and Eddie’s happy to see it. But then someone in a hazmat suit is pushing their way in and Steve’s smile is completely gone. “Alright, are you ready to be violated?” Steve says and Eddie’s nose scrunches but he quickly understands as they push right into Eddie’s space. Checking him over in a thorough scan, moving him to make it easier on themselves like he was more of a doll than a person. They’re testing things too fast for him to understand but he does his best to not complain. Not when Steve’s staying quiet. Not when Steve’s being braver and tolerant of what’s happening to them.

Eddie’s so uncomfortable that he almost misses the voice coming back over the speaker. But he focuses as the voice, Owens, begins to explain what happened. About El coming to save the day. About the gates that tore Hawkins apart but are no longer connected to the Upside Down. That they won but barely.

Eddie just watches Steve. He watches the way he winces as people are touching his bandages and putting his IV back in. He listens but he focuses on Steve. On his angel that’s held down when he should be able to fly away and be the beautiful creature he was meant to be. Instead, the angel’s been tainted by the sins of the world. But he knows that as long as he keeps his angel by his side, he’ll be okay.

~~~~~~

The healing process is slower than Eddie thought it would be. But the best part is that Steve’s as bored as he is. Eddie had been worried that Steve would grow annoyed towards him the longer it was just the two of them stuck together. Yet Steve seemed to only want more of Eddie. Anytime Eddie trailed off, unsure if Steve would want to know the in-depth knowledge Eddie had of the Shire, Steve would urge him to continue. Always ready to tell Eddie to keep talking. And when Steve seems confused, Eddie’s happy to take the time to explain it better. It’s not like they have much else to do.

Although they are given a deck of cards and a couple of books after a while. Eddie’s never been one for cards, his Dad used to play with his buddies and Eddie never really wanted to learn after that. But he found himself being taught a few games anyways. Steve showed him how to play and when Eddie wanted to read, Steve would quietly play Solitaire. It was a nice comfort. To talk for hours on end with Steve but also to find ease in the silence between them. Eddie’s never good with silences but next to Steve, they feel safe.

Even when that silence was broken by doctors or Steve groaning if he’d lost. But Eddie would lock eyes with Steve and roll his eyes, making Steve grin even as a doctor was a little too harsh against his healing wounds. They’d endure the doctors who were more government types like Owens, the ones who looked at them like specimens than patients. They’d endure the invasive questions and uncomfortable tests to prove they were still human. After all, they endured the bats.

And after another time of someone touching Eddie without any care, they were alone again. Steve was shuffling his cards while Eddie tried to focus on his book. But as he couldn’t relax in his bed, he put down his book and glanced over at Steve. “Why do you like solitaire anyways?” He asked because what else was there to talk about in this boring lab.

Steve glanced over before he frowned down at the cards. “It’s something I could do that wasn’t- it’s a solo game.” Eddie sees the way Steve sidesteps his own thoughts for the answer and wants to know more. But then Steve’s smiling over at him, “do you know how to play?”

He looked at the younger teen and for a moment just stared. “Teach me?” He asks instead anything too pushy. Steve’s smile is warm as he moves to sit next to Eddie on the small hospital bed.

“I’m not the best teacher,” Steve warns but Eddie doesn’t believe that.

“Yeah, yeah, mister captain of the sports ball.”

That has Steve’s face twisting up in a slight annoyance, “Basketball.” But Eddie waves it off, gesturing to Steve to show him how to start. “Fine okay, here,” he starts to show Eddie how to set it up before he leans back as if to give him space. Like he was just giving up his source of entertainment to Eddie. It made Eddie wonder how often Steve does something like that.

“No way man, your gonna have to help me with this.” He states and Steve looks at him, almost confused. “I’m not an intelligent high school graduate like you.” He teases before looking down at the cards, still a little lost. “Gonna need your big brain to help me.” Steve laughs and it’s like he couldn’t possibly believe him, but he moves to help Eddie all the same.

~~~~~~

Eddie and Steve were playing war when the doors opened without a warning. No voice over the microphone telling them to separate so they can continue their testing. Instead, it was a group of people Eddie had been scared he’d never see again. “Eddie!” Dustin shouts and the party rushes in. The boys flock around him, Nancy looking over their shoulders at Eddie. Their room is filled and Eddie looks at Steve whose being strangled by Robin’s tight hug. No one is being considerate about personal space and Eddie doesn’t mind one bit. Although Steve seems to have a little more of a boundary as no one but Robin really touches him.

“I was starting to believe Robin’s vampire theory!” Dustin basically shouts as the boys are rushing to tell him everything they missed. And Eddie had missed them so goddamn much. He glances over at Steve who’s been let go of by Robin, curled on himself as he listens to Robin, Joyce, and was that Hopper?

“And everyone’s been working on the cabin for Hop,” Lucas was saying at the same time Mike was saying something about roller skates and broken noses. Eddie felt overwhelmed and from being with only Steve and the few doctors, it was quickly becoming too much.

“Hey!” Steve shouted and Eddie’s eyes had to land on him. “One at a time assholes,” He states and the younger teens roll their eyes.

“Whatever,” Mike huffs but Eddie can see the slight smile on his face. “Your just angry because you’ve been stuck in here for almost 2 months now.”

Steve rolls his eyes, “What, you wouldn’t be?”

Eddie hides his smile, “okay, okay, you’re both pretty, stop arguing. I want to know why the fuck Chief Hopper’s standing there alive.”

That has the kids going loud again but at least they all seem to be telling the same story. The only kids who weren’t talking over each other seemed to be the two Eddie didn’t really know. One William Byers and who must be Eleven. He glances over at them, in curiosity. Especially as El sits down on the bed next to Steve. Steve smiles over at the girl and murmurs something too quiet for Eddie to understand. It makes the girl smile and Eddie’s heartbeat picks up a little.

Steve’s gaze goes to him at the sound of the heart monitor giving himself away. Eddie internally curses the stupid thing. His only saving grace had to be the fact that Steve hadn’t figured out why Eddie’s heart would randomly start beating harder. He would always just silently ask Eddie if he was okay, with a concerned look on his face. Eddie rolled his eyes and smiled back.

However, he let his attention go back to the kids when he hears what sounds like Russian prison. “Wait hold up,” he tries to make them slow down but Dustin shushes him and Mike is back to explaining what happened as if he was there himself. Eddie huffs and sends Dustin a small glare. But the longer he looks at Dustin, he can see the concern and worry all over his face. Staring at Eddie like he was going to black out on them at any minute. Eddie’s heartbreaks and he knows he’ll spend the next little while making it up to the kid.

~~~~~~

Eddie hadn’t really expected to be let out of that room. But after almost half a year, he and Steve were released. Eddie had cheered but his sore body kept him from running around like a dog let off their leash for the first time. Steve was smiling but he wasn’t nearly as crazed as Eddie felt. Instead walking out with a strong stride that Eddie doesn’t understand. His face was paler in the sun now that Eddie looked and his hair was limp. But he walked like he was the same man who dove into Lover’s Lake looking for the gate.

Eddie could see Steve’s face with the blue sky as the backdrop and knew that he wasn’t the same. He looked like an angel being tied to the earth for too long. Aging and losing some of that etherealness that Eddie had witnessed. But one piece of Steve that hadn’t really lost it’s shine, was that smile. The one he’d give Eddie at random moments during the day. Moments like when Eddie would go on a ramble, or when they’d play cards. Moments when they could just be.

Steve’s smile grew then and there when he spotted the people there to pick them up. Robin and Nancy were the ones who offered to pick them up, but Eddie saw Dustin in the back of Nancy’s station wagon. No doubt pushing his way into coming with. Robin moved over to grab at Steve while Dustin was soon at Eddie’s side. Eddie threw his arm around the kid, careful not to pull on his stiches. Dustin was practically glowing as Eddie ruffled the kids hair.

“Wait- you’re driving?” Steve asked as Robin dangled the keys in front of him.

Robin looked smug, “Nancy taught me.” She grinned, “I figured someone would have to drive all the shitheads around without you there to be suckered into it.” Eddie huffed a laugh at the two before he slid in the back with Dustin. Nancy was in the passenger seat meaning Steve got in the back, pushing Eddie to the middle seat.

Eddie glanced at Steve and noticed the slight tension in Steve’s shoulders. “Right, like you can be suckered in anything. I thought you didn’t even want to get your license?” He huffed and Nancy laughed.

Nancy turned to look back at them as Robin started off. “I bothered her into it.” She looked over at Robin, “plus like I said, if you don’t want to get a car and drive all the time you don’t have to. It’s just good to have.”

Steve shifted, bumping into Eddie slightly. “Right, well, I’ll still be there to give you a ride when you don’t want to drive.” He promises and it’s said like a joke but Eddie knows him better than to see it as anything less than the truth.

Robin grinned, “I don’t know buddy. I’m kind of enjoying the life behind the wheel. Plus, Nancy doesn’t get nearly as mad at me for doing my makeup as she drives.”

Dustin moves to look at Steve around Eddie, “seems like Nancy took your spot Steve.” He teases and Eddie snorts at the idea of Nancy ever replacing Steve. Like anyone would choose someone over Steve.

“And in a few months Will and I will get our permits. Max, Lucas, and Mike already got theirs.” Dustin points out, making the girls laugh. But Eddie can’t stop the small frown on his face. It felt like they missed so much. He glances at Steve in the corner of his gaze but Steve just laughs it off. As if their time away didn’t make things harder.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’ll save all my money not having to cart your lazy asses around town.” And while everyone else laughs, Eddie can feel Steve’s tense muscles against his side.

Steve becomes a little quiet after that. The other three just kept on talking and Eddie felt like the small group he had joined had left him behind at some point. It makes his chest fall and he sinks down in his seat. His mind goes to moments where he’s been left behind in the past. His mom, dad, all of his friends that graduated in the years he failed. “Eddie, Will’s been DMing for us now that he’s back! But we all made sure that the bard class was left open for you.” Dustin starts and Eddie blinks over to him.

“You want me to play?” And his voice sounds off to his own ears.

Dustin rolls his eyes, “I know that you normally dm. But we figured you still enjoy playing, right?” Dustin asks, but it’s less of a question, more of a demand. It makes Eddie smile, knowing that the kids still care about him. They still wanted him around.

“So, Keith quit Family Video and because 90% of the other employees were you and me, I became the manager. So don’t worry about your job. I kept it open for you. Although both Max and Dustin also work there now.” Robin starts and Eddie glances over at Steve who smiles. Eddie knew that after so much time being only allowed around Eddie, Steve must love being around Robin again. Eddie wondered though, if maybe Steve’s gonna miss being at his side every moment of the day like Eddie will.

~~~~~~

When they were in that room together, Eddie found Steve different than before. The man was quiet but he always pushed Eddie to speak. He would laugh and joke with Eddie, acting more like a kid than he would when with the actual kids. Now, back in the real world, Steve was back to being who he was before. Back to hands on his hips and annoyed sighs. But the biggest change came when they were over at the Wheeler’s and suddenly Steve would be leaving.

The first time it happened, Eddie noticed the second Steve stood. How could he not? Eddie’s brain felt like it was attuned to Steve. So, the first time Steve stood to leave, Eddie followed. “Steve, hey, where you going man?” Eddie asked and Steve froze like he was caught.

His smile wasn’t like the one Eddie was used to. No, this was the one Steve would give the doctors. He runs a hand through that gorgeous hair. “I just remembered something I had to do.” Steve shrugged and Eddie wished he understood all the small quirks that made up Steve.

Eddie nodded slowly, “don’t want to stay for the end of the movie?” He tried it and Steve stared at him. The eyes cut into him and made Eddie feel cut open.

Steve slowly shook his head, “I’ve already seen this one.”

It felt like an excuse and Eddie hated it. “Well, what are you doing? Do you want some company?” He tried before swallowing back his need to be by the younger man.

Steve smiled softly towards him, “Stay here Eds. They said they wanted to roll a character with you.”

Eddie understood then and there. Steve didn’t want him around. Steve didn’t want to be there. Eddie took a step back, feeling off balance. “Right, yeah. Have fun with- ya know-” he gestured at nothing and Steve gave him another smile. But then Steve was heading out the door and Eddie was making a beeline to the Wheeler’s bathroom.

Eddie had thought that he and Steve were becoming good friends. He thought that maybe there was someone who liked to listen to his nonstop talking. But the dismissal was clear as day. It made him wonder if all that time together, if it meant nothing to Steve. Steve was Eddie’s angel but Steve didn’t want to be tied to him any longer. Eddie had been weighing him down for long enough.

That’s why the next time Steve slipped out of the Wheeler’s basement; Eddie didn’t move. He curled around his knees and rested his head on them. He glanced around at the kids who were still so sucked into the movie and wished he hadn’t noticed either. Because if Eddie hadn’t noticed, he wouldn’t have this sinking feeling in his chest that was slowly overwhelming him. Because if Eddie hadn’t noticed he wouldn’t be tempted to go after Steve.

And if Eddie hadn’t been tempted, he wouldn’t have made a fool out of himself the third time. Steve had moved out of the room with practiced ease at this point and Eddie only lasted a minute before he was following. “Steve!” He called, tumbling out the front door of the Wheelers after Steve. The younger boy’s shoulder’s slumped in defeat at Eddie’s voice. The small movement reminded Eddie so much of his dad, that he took a step back. An apology at the tip of his tongue.

Steve didn’t look at him, “I just gotta go,” he sighed. Eddie wanted to apologize and question Steve, but he was frozen. Frozen from the sigh.

A sigh from his elementary school teacher who grew tired of Eddie’s questions. A sigh from his study partner who couldn’t stand the way Eddie hummed under his breath as he studied. A sigh from Eddie’s friend who grew tired of Eddie’s rambles about his favorite things. A sigh from his mom when Eddie got sick for the 3rd time in a year. A sigh from his dad who just simply grew tired of being around Eddie.

Eddie wondered what Steve grew tired of.

The air between them was stale and Eddie had thought that their time in that goddamn room would’ve mattered but instead, he was just alone. Steve had been willing to risk his life for Eddie but now, now out of danger, Steve was finished with dealing with Eddie. As Steve slipped into the Beamer, Eddie’s shoulders dropped. “Night,” he called before heading back inside. He didn’t ask Steve to stay. He didn’t even try this time. He slipped onto the ground by the door and waited. He waited for however long it was until Steve pulled out of the driveway. Then Eddie gathered his own shit and left. He couldn’t handle the sinking feeling in his chest. So, he just went home too.

~~~~~~

Steve hadn’t known what to do when he woke up to the wreckage of the night before. With his mom hovering by his side and his dad pulling shit out of the pool like he was trying to save it. Some of it probably could have been saved but Steve couldn’t ever touch it again. He just couldn’t. However, the biggest difference in everything was the way they looked at him, as if there was something they hadn’t noticed until now. Like they finally saw him in a different light than the kid they had to force to get a shitty job scooping ice cream.

“Why don’t we go to the city, get you something new to wear?” His mom offers, her thin fingers wrapping around his upper arm.

His dad shakes his head, “we have to head out to Montauk soon.” And his parents lock eyes for a moment before his dad is looking at him. “Come with us this time.” He states and Steve thinks the last time his dad had invited him on one of his business trips was before Steve showed that he’d never be smart enough to work for him. “Take a break from this goddamn town. Better yet just get out of here. Choose one of our other houses and start anew. You don’t have to be anything to anyone. You can just be you.” His dad offers and Steve blinks at them.

“This town is killing you,” his mom whispers and her fingers trail over the scars he had gotten from the bats.

Steve looked away from them, “I can’t leave.”

But his mom gently shifted his head to look him in the eye, “yes you can.” She said it like she understood why he didn’t want to go. Like she knew of all the horrors he’s faced. But as her hands, soft from years of being pampered, lingered on the scaring around his throat, he felt like maybe she did know. That maybe she had always known what was so hard about leaving a town as fucked up as Hawkins.

“My job,” his voice was weak to his own ears. An excuse that neither of them believed. An excuse that didn’t even work anymore. He could just ask Robin to keep it for him like she had done before.

Her stance showed years of being determined enough to make it in this fucked up world. She didn’t back down, she never did. “You don’t even enjoy watching movies.” She says and it’s true. Steve had never been able to sit still long enough to actually focus on a movie all the way through. He was always either getting up and missing something that made the movie confusing or zoning out and losing track of the plot anyways. “I’m sure we can find you a job you’d like. Maybe Malorie needs another hand at the salon?” She states and Steve feels the old swell of love for his mom that he wasn’t used to anymore.

Then she led them up to his room, one hand on his shoulder and one hand resting on his scarred forearm. He followed her and it was easy. So easy to sit on the end of his bed as she pulled out a bag and began to pack. “We’ll go for a week or two. Shop, get our hair done. Whatever we want,” She assured and he wanted to argue but he also didn’t. He wanted it if he was honest to himself. He wanted to leave Hawkins and let himself enjoy the world for a little while. And if he was really honest with himself, he didn’t want to return. “You know, I was thinking of going blond, maybe you could do another color?” She offered but he didn’t answer, too lost in his thoughts.

She finished packing a small bag before she crouched down in front of him. Her hands cupped his face, “Steven, I just think you could use a break. A small one if you can’t handle anything big.” Her words were so soft against his face. “Say you’ll go on a trip with me. Say that you’ll let me help you find yourself. Not who others what you to be, but yourself.” She took a shaky inhale. “I know that we haven’t been good parents. I know we pushed you to be who we wanted you to be. But none of that really matters. We want you to be successful and the biggest success in life is living happily. I’m going to do everything in my power to make you happy.” She says and it feels like she sees his ruins. That she’s come to them not to see the destruction but to help him rebuild it to what it could be.

“Promise me that you’ll let me help you.” Steve looks at her, at the woman he always thought he failed. The woman who always made sure everything looked perfectly in her image. The woman who had sighed when he told her that Nancy broke up with him. The woman who stopped cleaning his cuts. The woman who never came back when he was in the hospital for another Upside Down related injury. The woman that didn’t question where he had gone when the lab had kept him and Eddie for months. The woman who at the end of it all, was his mom. His mom who was holding him at this moment. And Steve wanted to be held.

So, he pushed all the thoughts about the Upside Down. About the kids radioing him for a ride. About his job with Robin. About movie nights and d&d. About Eddie and his big brown eyes. Instead, he focused on his mom’s steady hands and he did something he hadn’t done in a long time. He put himself first. “I want to go with you.” He whispered and watched a smile grow on her face. “I want to leave this town.” His voice broke and his mom seemed to understand what he wasn’t saying. She shifted up and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Leaving the rest unsaid. The monsters. The kids. The responsibility. The fact that Steve didn’t want to come back.

She didn’t make him say anything else as she pulled him to his feet. “Then, we get the first flight out of here.” She promises and Steve’s hands feel weak as he holds onto her. But then they go to the car. She slides in behind the wheel of the Beamer and then… they’re gone.

~~~~~~

Eddie sat up with a shout, feeling his heart beating much too fast. He curled in on himself more, feeling the way his scars pulled taut from the movement. But he did his best to breathe, to tell himself that the bats hadn’t killed him. That he, Steve, and Dustin had all made it out. Eddie might have passed out but Steve had saved them. Steve had driven him to the hospital and they had survived. They stayed at the hospital where Eddie had been handcuffed to the bed but Steve’s bed had been right next to his. Steve had made him feel better even as the town tried to string him up for something he didn’t do.

He moved and reached for his walkie, only to stop when he saw the time. It was just after 4 in the morning. Far too early and far too late for Steve to be awake. And that was even if Steve wanted to deal with him at the moment. Eddie collapsed back into bed and thought of all the times he’d woken Steve up just from a nightmare. That even after Steve saved his life, Eddie didn’t stop bothering him. Maybe that’s why Steve hated him now. Maybe Eddie had asked for too much. Maybe it was waking up from screaming while Steve had been sleeping just fine in the bed across from him.

At that moment he wished that he was like Steve. He wished that he didn’t wake up screaming with the need to radio the others. That he could feel comfortable in his skin and could move on like nothing had happened. Steve still flirted with girls like the scars covering his body weren’t there. Steve still laughed and had a life without the party. He still had other things to do other than hide in the Wheeler’s basement for shitty movie nights. He still would smirk at them and leave early for a date or some other cool guy shit. Not Eddie. Never Eddie. Eddie hid his scars under layers of clothes. Eddie took every opportunity to be with the others because they were the only ones who didn’t look at him like he was a murderer. Eddie had nightmares that kept him up and gave him bruises under his eyes. He was so far from okay it was laughable. But Steve, Steve was just an immovable force. Taking all the hits like they were nothing. Smiling like nothing had happened.

Nancy had told Eddie about the first time it all happened. How Steve had been terrified, how he had screamed at her but then it was like a flip was switched. How, from one minute to the next, Steve accepted it and just moved onto helping them. That Steve had just picked up the bat and saved her and Jonathan’s life that night. Then, just like magic, Steve hadn’t ever really brought it up again. He laughed with Nancy, talked about the future with her. He would try to get her out of the house and keep conversation light. He never stumbled.

Nancy had hated it. He had moved on but she couldn't. She couldn’t forget that those monsters killed her friend. She couldn’t forget the sight of the monster. Nancy was terrified but Steve hadn’t seemed bothered by it after that first night. No matter how many times Nancy tried to push, tried to get him to react, he’d just smile at her. He’d listen but she never saw her own fears, her own devastation reflected in him. He just acted like it was easy to move on.

Eddie kind of hated that too. That Steve was still the person he always was. He didn’t have things to lose. Not like Nancy lost her best friend. Not how Eddie saw a girl die in his living room and he was forced to remember that every time he walked through the trailer. Steve could just go do what jocks do after they graduate. He didn’t have the whole town giving him dirty looks. He didn’t have that bone deep exhaustion from it all. Not like the rest of them did. But it was also kind of nice. He could go to Steve when he needed a reminder that it would be okay. That made one day he’d be just who he wanted to be. Because Steve had to be the person he wanted to be. He wore what he wanted even when they teased him about it. He still took pride in his appearance by styling his hair to perfection all day every day.

But Eddie doesn’t really want to be like Steve. No. That would be easier. No, he just wants to be liked by Steve. He wants Steve to stay around during movie nights. He wants Steve to join d&d with them. He wants to make Steve a character and help him with getting the hang of playing. He wanted Steve by his side instead of half out the door. He wants and wants and wants. Still, he does his best to ignore those wants. He goes on with his day and unsurprisingly ends up at the Wheelers. They all- well no- not all of them, everyone but Steve is lying in the room with a movie ready to be played.

And maybe it was the dream still lingering in the back of his mind. Maybe it was just who he now was. But he finds himself clearing his throat, “has anyone talked to Steve? Made sure he remembered it was today?”

Robin looked over at him from where she sat next to Nancy, “I haven’t. He wasn’t at work today.” She says and a few of them stop. Eddie’s not sure that he’s ever seen Steve miss a day off of work. Not after he thanked Robin for keeping his job even after all that time. He went every day like he had to make up for it.

“Maybe he got a migraine,” Max offers but Eddie still doesn’t like it. Even if it was a migraine, he shouldn’t be alone for it.

They all stayed still for a moment before Eddie’s reaching for the walkie and Robin’s standing, heading for the phone. Dustin beats Eddie to the walkie and begins to call out for their friend. As Robin dials the number they all have memorized. It rings only twice before Robin’s face twists. “Hi, sir. It’s Robin Buckley, is Steve there?” She questions and Eddie doesn’t hesitate to get too close to listen to the conversation.

“- is gone. He left this morning with his mom. He’ll be out of town for a while.” What had to be Steve’s dad, said and Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Oh- um, I wasn’t- how long- he didn’t tell me-” She starts but is cut off.

“Tell me, are you one of the people Steven was hanging out with last night?” The man’s voice is harsh and Eddie wonders how someone like that could ever have a son so perfect.

Robin locks eyes with Eddie, looking as confused as he felt. “Uh-”

The man interrupts her again before she can figure out what’s going on, “be confident in your words. Don’t hesitate to answer a simple question, it makes you seem pitiful. You’ll never get anywhere in life if you act all nervous.”

Robin’s eyes go wide. “I’m sorry- I uh- yes I was with Steve.”

There’s a sigh through the phone and it sounds so much like Steve’s bitchy tone. “Perfect. I would like you to pass on a message to anyone else that had been there.” He clears his throat and the kids are now beginning to try and figure out what’s going as well. “None of you deserve my son and I hope he decides not to return. I hope my wife convinces him to move away from this hellhole and from people like you. People who take someone for granted. Well, my son is worth more than all of you put together.” And the phone clicks, signaling that Steve’s dad was done with them.

“What did they say?” Nancy questions as they all stare at Eddie and Robin.

Robin looks closed to tears as Dustin demands to know what was happening.

@genderedsteveharrington @counting-dollars-counting-stars (both of you rebloged so I figured I'd tag ya)

#tw selfhate #tw self destruction #angst #hurt/comfort #hurt steve harrington #steve needs a hug #steve harrington's relationship with his parents is complicated #hurt eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie #eddie munson #they've got matching scars!#knightly talks #stranger things

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just-late-roman-republic-things · 1 day

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Math, Roman Style

It's a lot of math involved in governing ancient Rome. First you gotta subtract all these voter bribes from your coffers to get yourself a consulship, then rig the lots to multiply your chance of getting a sweet, sweet province like Macedonia. No sooner are you done adding up the loot you extorted from the provincials, then you gotta divide it among the jury prosecuting you for the crimes you 100% committed. And to make it all worse, you have to do it all in Roman numerals!

MMLXVI + DCCXIX = PAIN

But never fear! The Romans found ways to work with their wacky numbers. Pretty damn cool ways, too. I promise you don't need any math skills for this post.

Let's recap the Roman numerals real quick:

I = 1

V = 5

X = 10

L = 50

C = 100

D = 500

M = 1000

If a smaller number comes after a bigger number, like in XII, you add them: 10+1+1 = 12. If the smaller number comes before the big number, you subtract it: IX = 10-1 = 9.

The trick to math with Roman numerals is that you don't write them out for equations the way you would with Arabic numerals. Instead, you put them on a counting board:

In Arabic numerals, each column is worth ten times as much as the one to its right. The same applies here. M is worth 1000, C is worth 100, X is worth 10, and I is worth 1. You mark how many units are in each column by putting pebbles on them. Since groups of 7-9 pebbles get hard to read quickly, the Romans also had half-columns worth 500, 50, and 5.

On the counting board above, we have two 1000s, one 500, one 100, four 100s, one 5, and three 1s. Added together, that's 2,648. To add or subtract, you just add or remove pebbles from the board. In fact, the Latin word calculus (hence "calculate") originally meant little pebble.

But what if those devious provincials flip your board over when you try to extort - ahem, tax them? Could you have a counting board in your hand?

Hell yeah you can.

That's an abacus, baby! (Or a replica, at least.) Here's how it works:

The pebbles are now built-in. Instead of adding or removing them from the board, you flip them up or down to indicate if they're "on."

The 5, 50, 500, etc. columns have been moved upward, and can only be on or off.

Instead of M - which only appeared for 1000 in medieval times - this abacus uses the older notation system of putting (parentheses) around a numeral for 1000, 10,000, and 100,000, or a |box| for "x100,000." The "M" on the far left is probably a muddled |X|.

Ignore the two rightmost columns for now, we'll return to them later.

If you're Japanese, this might remind you of the soroban, an abacus still used for math today:

Let's try reading this thing!

I've decided to read it soroban-style, so beads moved toward the center bar get counted. That gives us:

One 5 million

Two 1-million

One 500,000

One 100,000

One 50,000

One 100

Two 10s

Two 1s

= 7,650,122

However, scholars disagree on the exact method the Romans would have used. And some of the beads are only sort of up, so you might interpret the number differently. That's okay; this is just an example.

Incidentally, this is also why Europe went for so long without a numeral for 0. If you're using an abacus, "0" is represented, just by setting all the beads to the "off" position. If you're writing the number down, you just write "none."

The really cool thing is that you can do more than add and subtract with an abacus. You can also multiply, divide, and find square and cube roots. And those weird columns on the right are a uniquely Roman tool, to handle Roman measurements.

The basic copper coin in Roman currency was the as, which was then divided into 12ths (unciae), not 10ths. The Roman foot (length) and pound (weight) also divided into 12 unciae, which is where we get the words "inch" and "ounce." So the rightmost column is in base 12, to make math easier.

These 12ths could then be divided into 1/2s, 1/4s, or 1/12s again. The 2, 1 and 1 beads in the second-right column let you divide the 1/12s as small as 1/24, 1/48, or 1/144. A Roman abacus lets you do (limited) fractional math!

Once you've worked out the result, the columns are easy to translate back into Roman numerals. Then you stick this gadget back in your tunic, because it's quite small - literally a "pocket calculator."

My favorite thing about abacuses is that you get a concrete feeling for how numbers relate to each other, rather than just memorizing abstract symbols and multiply/divide tables. I've been using a Soroban app to practice, and it's actually pretty fun!

#jlrrt essays #math #roman math #roman numerals #abacus #counting board

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hergrandplan · 3 days

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Wille's month Day 8: wedding/engagement

Wille's month may be over but I still have a ton of stories to share, so we're just going to pretend it's still May! I am so sorry about that last one, I hope this one pays for all the therapy bills and emotional damages you sent me way.

Wille takes Simon to the lake to ask him a burning question; maybe the most important of all.

Read below the cut or on ao3! (2.2k, G, fluff and fluff only)

He’s conscious of the little box burning a hole in his pocket with every step he takes. Every step has it bouncing against his thigh, reminding him over and over again that it’s there, and that he’s going to do this. That he’s actually going to have this moment, one that he’s only seen in movies and on TV, but that’s now going to be his as well.

The walk to the lake seems truly endless. Wille wonders if it’s always been this far, or if it just seemed shorter when he was still wasted from the party, the only thing on his mind that he and Simon were over. When he was trying to make peace with that even as he trailed behind the other boy all those years ago.

Still, the path ahead seems endless, the scenery never changing – it’s just tree after tree after tree. But, he realizes, it might also simply be because of his nerves.

Wille sees Simon smiling out of the corner of his eye, and he smiles back, willing his heart to beat at just a normal pace for once.

Reminding himself, in a futile effort to relax, that the question has never been if, only when.

They’re in Bjärstad, having just come back from Linda’s. Felice should be here somewhere too, having made the drive up here solely for this moment but also because she had made it very clear that Wille wasn’t allowed to do this without her. (now he’s glad, because it means they’ll have pictures, if not a full video).

Simon suddenly stops, and Wille’s so caught up in his own thoughts that he doesn’t even notice and almost falls when he keeps walking and Simon doesn’t.

He looks to Simon, confused. They were supposed to go down to the waterline but they’re not there yet, not even close. He’s worried that there’s something wrong, maybe Simon’s hurt somehow or maybe the memory their last time here is too much.

But Simon reaches a tender hand to cup his face, and smooths down the crease that has started to appear on Wille’s forehead.

“You okay, my love?” Simon asks him. “You’re so quiet.”

Wille relaxes again, realizing that there’s nothing wrong with Simon, that Simon is just worried about him. So Wille nods, now eagerly leaning into the touch and reveling in the sensation of Simon brushing a soft thumb against his cheek. “Just… thinking,” he replies. “That’s all.”

“You’re not in your own head again, are you?”

“No,” he answers, and it’s true. He’s just nervous. “Can we um… can we keep walking? I want to see the sunset.” It’s a half-truth – though Wille truly doesn’t care whether he proposes to Simon in the light of the setting sun or under the moon and the stars, he does want to keep going. If Simon stalls for just one more moment then he might not be able to stop himself from sinking down on one knee regardless of the place or the view. But Simon deserves better, deserves more than that.

He’s also afraid that the ring might actually be burning a hole through his pocket now and that he’s going to lose it.

Simon smiles softly, looking him deep in the eyes as if he’s trying to figure out whether Wille is lying or not, then seemingly decides that yes, Wille is okay. “Of course. Of course we can.”

He brushes his lips against Wille’s in a soft, gentle caress before they continue on down the shoreline.

At least this brief pause should have given Felice enough time to get into position.

They make it to the shoreline in relative silence, only broken by Simon softly humming along with the bird singing overhead.

It’s calm, and serene and Wille chose this spot, this moment on purpose but even standing here now, holding his love’s hands, he can’t help but think back to that one moment, when he thought he’d lost everything.

His grip on Simon’s hand tightens just a bit.

Not if, Wille reminds himself again.

When.

Simon has stopped humming, but the birds continue their never-changing, ever-present song. A gentle wind blows, ruffling the leaves and Wille breathes in the cold that has started to set in. The water laps against the rocks and it’s so … peaceful.

He starts counting down. He hasn’t agreed on a time with Felice, and she’ll probably be filming already, but he needs to count down to prepare himself.

He remembers how he and Simon had stood here, newly in love, how he’d shouted at the guards that the water must be cold and how Simon had teased him that day, with that gorgeous, beautiful, heartstopping smile. How badly he wanted to kiss him, no matter who would have seen.

He’s looking out over the water, his heart full of hurt as he can only think about Simon and Marcus. How he knew he had to let go but didn’t want to give up yet (he’s so glad he didn’t).

A moment suspended in time, just like they are suspended in the air, lying in a hammock while their classmates are trying to build a fire. He’d thought life couldn’t get any better, with Simon in his arms and a view like that. He never wanted to leave it.

‘Why do you like the monarchy so much? I’m just saying, I can see how it hurts you.’

When Simon had made him realize that he didn’t have to choose that life if he didn’t want it.

Salty tears streaming down both their faces, mixing with the fresh water from the lake. The rising sun turning everything orange, making it look like a movie, one he has seen before one too many times. Wille, almost on his knees begging for just one more chance. Simon, already moving away from him and Wille realizing he had to let go.

Now.

Wille takes a deep breath. Inhaling the scent of dying leaves, of wet earth.

He hasn’t even noticed that Simon has let go of his hand somewhere in these past 5 seconds.

“Wille?”

Simon’s voice breaks through his thoughts. It’s shaking slightly, enough to make Wille (almost) forget what he’s about to do.

But when he looks over to Simon, he’s not there.

“Down here, love.”

And… oh.

Wille’s heart starts hammering in his chest once again when he sees Simon, sitting on one knee. Looking up at him with so much love and admiration that it knocks the air out of Wille’s lungs. And, to Wille’s own shock, he’s holding a velvety box displaying a beautiful silver, engraved band.

Simon keeps his eyes trained in Wille – sparkling in the low evening light. For a singular moment, Wille genuinely does forget that he has to breathe. So he exhales a slow, trembling breath, as Simon starts speaking.

“Wille, my love. My heart, my everything. If someone had told me that that awkward new kid at school would turn out to be the love of my life, I would have laughed them in the face. Me? Falling in love with some dumb prince who probably isn’t even able to fold his own laundry? No chance in hell.”

Wille can’t believe this is happening. He had meant to propose and now Simon was sitting in front of him, on one knee. Wille doesn’t know what to do or how to react, doesn’t know if he should get the ring out now or later or –

“Simon, I –“ Wille starts, because there’s a ring in his pocket as well and he wants to laugh. It’s almost comical that they’re so attuned to each other that they even planned to propose at the same time.

But Simon shakes his head, stopping him mid sentence.

“Please let me finish, Wille, because I have this whole speech thought out – and can you let me finish? Then you can say whatever you want.” The corner of Simon’s mouth lifts up, but there’s no nervousness behind it. In fact, he looks like he’s never been more sure of anything. Wille nods, allowing Simon to continue.

“Like I said – I thought there was no chance in hell. But then I met you, and you… you turned my whole world upside down. And you have kept doing that ever since. We may have had a rocky start, but these last few years have been the best of my whole life. And I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for you. You lift me up, and you’re always there when I do fall, and I know I’m safe to do so with you.

I love waking up next to you and knowing you’re the one I’m always coming home to. I love how you take a picture of everything, because you want to make the memory last forever, even if it’s just us having breakfast together, or going for a walk. I love how caring you are, how passionate. And most of all, I love you, every single part of you, and I want to keep loving you for the rest of my life.

So, Wille, will you let me?” Simon inhales deeply, gathering the courage for those last words, and Wille knows (because of course he knows, he knows Simon like the back of his hand) that it’s because he’s overcome by the moment.

“Will you marry me?”

Simon bites down on his lower lip. Now it’s Wille’s turn. Now he can say something.

But Wille is stunned beyond belief. The love of his life is sitting in front of him, proposing to him. Wille doesn’t know whether to look at the ring he’s holding up, or that brighter-than-the-sun smile or those sparkling eyes, glistening with tears. But yes, this is what he wants. Of course he wants to marry him.

Tears threaten to spill down Wille’s own face as he looks down at his love, this man, who is currently promising him forever.

Wille nods hard and quick, unable to say anything more than a breathy “yes” because what else can he say? Of course he wants to marry Simon – there’s nothing in the world he wants do more.

Joy floods Simon’s face, and he surges up to meet Wille in a fervent, messy kiss while tears stream down both their faces. Wille can taste the salt on his tongue, and doesn’t know if it’s Simon’s tears or his own or a mix of both, but it doesn’t matter, because Wille is cradling Simon’s face in his hands, bringing him closer, never wanting to let go. He can feel Simon smiling against him, and he’s smiling so widely too he can already feel his cheeks starting to hurt, but he doesn’t break their kiss, not even for one second.

Simon wraps his arms around Wille’s neck, and in the movement bumps his leg against Wille’s coat pocket. And then Wille suddenly remembers what’s in that pocket. How could he possibly have forgotten?

He places his hands on Simon’s shoulders, creating some distance between them. He laughs as Simon chases his lips and finds nothing but air, then pouts jokingly at the sudden loss of contact.

Wille stares into his boyfriend’s – no, fiancé’s – eyes, still grinning, still smiling and still so, so in love. Simon leans back in for another kiss, but Wille stops him.

“Wait, one second,” Wille says in a shaky voice at Simon’s confused look, and with equally shaky hands he fishes out the velvet box. Simon’s eyes widen at the realization, eyes flicking back from the box to Wille’s face.

“Wille, did you – were you –“ Simon stammers out, and Wille delights in the fact that it’s Simon who is speechless, and all because of Wille.

Wille briefly considers getting down one knee, doing it the proper way like Simon did it just now, but Simon’s arms are still wrapped around him, and Wille doesn’t ever want him to let go. And this, keeping this second proposal in the sacred space between them, feels more right than anything.

It feels more intimate, asking this question when they’re breathing the same air, here, where it’s just them.

Wille pops open the box, then places one hand on Simon’s lower back while the other keeps holding the ring up. He looks back into Simon’s eyes, and so up close he sees every emotion (and there are a lot of them) pass over Simon’s face. He sees the disbelief, the love, the amazement and the excitement, the is this real? Is this happening? He’s sure Simon saw those exact emotions on his face just moments ago.

“I had actually been planning on proposing today,” Wille whispers, and Simon’s eyes start shining again at the confession. “Before you beat me to it. So I hope it’s okay and you don’t think this is me stealing your thunder…” – at this Simon giggles, pushing his forehead against Wille’s – “but Simon Eriksson, will you make me the happiest man on earth and marry me?”

Simon answers him with a kiss, one that Wille is only too ecstatic to return.

#willemonth2024 #young royals #yr fanfic #yr fic #yr fanfiction #young royals fanfiction #young royals fanfic #young royals fic #young royals archive #wilmon #wilmon fanfiction #prince wilhelm #wilhelm eriksson now?#simon eriksson #wilhelm eriksson #wmday8

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homeless202 · 11 months

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seeing EY say 'please' like that really upsets me. for someone who only ever says that disingenuously to get what he wants by acting, can you imagine how far his limits have to be pushed for him to say that and mean it?

#soul-crushing truly. at the same time tho #i might just be reading too far into things. again #idk man i'm just sad seeing this bc i want him to be safe and happy am i asking for too much?😭😭#no home #no home manhwa #집이 없어 #webtoon #eunyung baek #haejoon goh #ey hj parallels #meta #also. hj and i have beef now. HOW TF DO YOU INSISNT SENDING HIM BACK TO THAT PLACE???#LIKE BRO U'VE SEEN HOW THAT TURNED OUT?? HOW? WHY? GRRRRR #i thought that man was smarter than this😭😭📉

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waterfallofspace · 5 months

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A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

#waterfalltalks #waterfallrambles #more like waterfallparagraphs im so sorry hahaha #been thinking about making this for awhile- but always felt so anxious???#idk why specifically... maybe cause i cant be short to save my life #or maybe because it feels like ive left it too long?? been promising so much and never fulfilling #but i am gonna try!! not to fulfill everything but- to start enjoying it again #i worry this comes off like i have an ego... i really dont haha~ i dont expect anyone to really interact with my blog or care #it was always meant to be for ME- and i just hoped to create things ID enjoy and that #if anyone else enjoyed it too that i could start giving back to the community thats given me so much content ive adored #anyways this is a LONNNGGG post and so are these tags hahaha~#using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself!#gonna add here too that i might be reblogging with shorter tags for a bit- i promise its not cause im not excited!!!#just trying to make it the least overwhelming situation so i can start really getting back into ENJOYING it~#thank you to anyone who read this far and a huge thank you to all my friends from here and anyone who stuck around <3 #i appreciate and love you all so dearly <333 #not snz

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crystalkitty1220 · 2 days

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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN

#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago #and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since #someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line #that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation #where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had #thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was #super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh #that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated #as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying #to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit #because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha #could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to #believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in #the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of #development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school #and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility #and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai #anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin #or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post #addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad #writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into #doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao

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melverie · 1 month

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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again

#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but #i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries #and it just made me miss it so much #+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore #like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that #but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too #so i'm kind of at a loss here #tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up #i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right #i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries #that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way #aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that #also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while #like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that #but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut #ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there #do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me #and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here #that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this #longing feeling to start again lol #hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows

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tackytigerfic · 1 year

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WIP Snip

still working so hard on getting this finished, still slow as fuck and feeling a bit ashamed of it but i know that's just bad brain thinking. had a bit of good writing news this week too though so it's not all bad. Here's a snip from my multiverse fic where Voldemort didn't die and there's a war raging on, Wolfstar live and they raised Harry, and Draco has just rejoined the Order after seven years abroad in France. Here's a scene with good dad Sirius.

“This—“ Sirius said, waving his hands at Harry “—is what I’m talking about. One of the many things I love about you is that you just say things like this, and you mean them.” He put his warm hand on Harry’s chest. “I sometimes wonder how you've managed to stay so kind, after all you’ve been through. Your parents would love you so much, you know.” “Well,” Harry muttered, voice brusque to hide the tightness in his throat, “they’d have to really, wouldn’t they? Being my parents, and all.” “They’d love you as their son, no matter what, of course. But I mean that they’d love you as a person in your own right, Harry. You’ve grown into a man that anyone would be proud to follow.” Harry put his own hand up to grope for Sirius’s, still resting over his heart, grateful for the darkness. “You’re not following me, though. You’re with me—you, and Moony, and Ron, and Hermione, and everyone. We’re all together in this. We do this side-by-side, it’s why it works. I’m not some big leader like Voldemort set out to be. I’m just the guy who happens to be the one who has to kill him. Everything else is a team effort.” “Oh, Harry,” Sirius said, and then Harry found himself wrapped up in Sirius’s arms, face full of all that fine, silky hair, savouring the warm solid familiar feel of him for a lovely moment, before Sirius let him go again. “Now do you see why we don’t want to let you go off somewhere with Malfoy? We need you.” Harry looked up at the house, at the long dark arm of the east wing, where he knew Malfoy’s bedroom was, a low light still burning as though Malfoy wasn’t expecting to sleep any time soon. He couldn’t tell Sirius that Malfoy needed him, because Malfoy needing him was based on a secret that couldn’t be shared, even with the people Harry loved the most. It wasn’t his to tell. Instead, he reached out again until his hand met Sirius’s forearm, ropey with muscle, always so warm. “I love you, you know,” he said. High above them, at the lighted window, a shadow passed.

#tagging everyone #pls show me your goods #tacky's fth #stupid i know but seeing all the fth posts #realising it's that time of year again and i'm still not finished mine from two years ago #fills me with a horrible feeling #i know creativity is not something you can just switch on #and i know these things take time #maybe it's because there's something a bit lonely about writing a long fic #i mean i am loving it #it's a bit like writing original work too #to an extent you're writing into the void as there's no feedback #it's exciting but daunting #but i wish i could just get the time to finish it #hmm might delete this as i feel like i'm oversharing #anyway thank you if you read this far!#and would love to see anyone else's snips so tag me bb

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istherewifiinhell · 1 year

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banging my head against the wall. does anyone wanna go insane and read TMNT Mirage #37 with me? An emotionally fraught jouney of faith and family and battling for or against your roots of eons past? You should. But if your not in for reading a 40 page comic I have a condensed visual/textual moments and summation for you! You might enjoy it!

[Mirage 37, Rick McCollum and Bill Anderson]

ID: Turtles walking through a forest with full camping bags. Mikey has his mask around his neck and wears a bucket hat: Well..." Raph wears a wide brimmed fedora type hat, he balances one sai by its point on his finger: "You do got a point, buddy." Leo is shadowed in the back with a straw hat. END

[In this comic the turtles are depicted with understated beaks and look lankier than Classic Mirage style. Their skin is usually in the darker of the 2 toners, and their masks are left without toner.]

ID: From behind the group, Don and Mikey in silhouette up front. Behind them, Raph is throwing his sai in the air. Leo is saying "I believe you Don, but... Spiritual meaning? Maybe you're reading too much into it." Close on Don's face, frowning "No, I'm not." END.

[See Donatello: The Ring, in Turtle Soup #2] Here's what you missed: Don went on a spiritual journey by himself. Now he wants them all to experience it.

ID: Three turtles and Splinter in the farm house living room. Raph and Mikey on the couch with books, Leo on the floor polishing his sword. Splinter standing to the side. Raph: Yeah, but Casey's car's on the blink. Mike: I hope its doesn't fall apart while he's out with April. Leo: Don will fix it when he returns. Raph has one leg up, is tossing some shuriken in one hand, his books says "Fun with sai". Mike slouches and has a drink can, his book is "Life of Bruce Lee" END

ID: Three Panels of Don explaining his experience in front of a large fire, fiddling with his bo staff, the flames curl around him as he speaks. A brow raised: But it wasn't the trees- It was one of us! The Father of All Reptiles Looking contemplative: He was a turtle. Or a ghost. Some kind of spirit... With a sheepish smile: And I'm glad I met him. He said I was special... END

Splinter reprimands the other turtles for not taking Don seriously. His lecture:

"Your lack of respect is unbecoming. Have I so failed you that you have no feel for your heritage, your roots? Reptiles ruled this world for uncounted eons, your people strode the land, slipped through the warm seas, and skittered about the sky. Though gone, their blood is your blood. And their spirit should be yours! They are your elders, with their bones left in the rock, lasting forever in the skin of the world. Respect them, and honor their spirits as you do me!" "Recall the time you spent, eons past, with your friend Renet. How you spoke of it once you'd returned! Did you not feel a sense of unity with that time? Did you not resonate to the heart-beat of the archosaurs? Your enthusiasm lingered for weeks."

[See Tales of TMNT 7] They went back in time and met dinosaurs, amongst other things.

ID: Panels with a close up on each character. April in profile, with a solemn look: You babbled on about it for days. Mike smiling wide: Yeah! It was warm! Leo, clutching his sword, looking away: I felt so free! Raph, his mask pushed up to his forehead, an eyes closed smile: Three months of fishing! Don, holding his staff, looking down: Yes, I was... Happy. END

Splinter continues to speak.

"Happiness…Ah, Donatello, it is so ephemeral. As was the time of those reptiles. Everything is a ring, and the ring turns. The world grew cold, small, furry creatures came out of the shadows. The dinosaurs died. The age of mammals began."

Raph, upset, gets disparaging about what the predominance of mammals has done to the earth.

ID: Three panels. Raph, shocked, hand over his mouth: I can't believe I said that. Splinter looming over Raph, who jerks back. Splinter: ~Think~ before~ you~ speak~ Raphael! Raph: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Splinter: Need I remind you that your best friend Casey Jones is a mammal? Close on Raph and April. Splinter off panel: Not to mention myself? Raph: Eep! April grimacing: I'm feeling warm-blooded and hairy also! END

ID: Four panels. Caption box: And look they do— Raph looking at two trees growing diagonally, thinking: I don't even know what I'm looking for. Leo, partially hidden behind foliage, thinking: Something's up. I feel... something. Mike, looking at a tree that's grown a loop in its trunk, thinking: Is this a "spiritual experience?" Don, walking through the trees in silhouette thinking: Why can't I find the place?" END

After a day of searching, they camp, but Mike goes missing during his watch in the night.

ID: Two panels, each showing Raph and Don and they face off and argue, their speech bubbles placed between them. Raph is backed up against a tree, angry, clenching his sais tightly. Don has his bo like a walking stick, and seems calmer.

Raph: Why? Mike needs us! Don, with an irregular speech bubble: Either he is alive or he is dead. The quest is more important. R: What are you talking about? What's wrong with you? D, normal bubble: Nothing. I had a dream last night. If we give up the quest, we've lost. R: Mike is more important! D: That's what the adversary hopes you think. R: What adversary? D, irregular bubble: Have Faith. R: Donatello! D, regular bubble: Remember when you devovled? We kept faith. R, yelling: AAARGH! END

[See Mirage 24-26] Raph was de-mutated into a regular turtle, his brothers had to go on a journey to save him.

ID: Leo, mask off, scowling "This is what we'll do. Break camp. Consolidate our gear. Bury what's left. We're on a combat mission now. We'll keep faith, Don, but--. A narrow panel of Don, drawn small, gripping his staff: What? Leo getting in Don's face, displeased: I hate leaving Mike. -- Just make sure you're right. END

Raph goes missing on their second nights watch, Don becomes stranger and more convicted about this quest.

ID: Leo, furiously, points in the direction of the viewer, accusing Don. "What's with you? Why are you so out of it?! -- What's wrong with your voice? [Larger text] Don't you care about Mike or Raph?! END

ID: Don sits facing away from Leo, gripping his staff, angry, speaking towards his hands. Leo looks on from a ways back, dramatically lit. Don: [Large text] Of course I do! [Normal text] But... I don't know what's wrong with my voice. I don't know who the Adversary is. And yet..." END

ID from alt: Two panels, Leo glaring, getting in Don's face, pointing at his beak, grabbing Don's staff. "Who told you this?" Don has brows raised. Don, with a wincing smile: "The Father of us all." END

ID: Multiple panels. Close on Leo, "Remember what I said about being sure?" Don holding his staff in front of himself, seemingly scared, "Leo, please." Mid on Leo, more neutral frown, "Don..." Full body, Leo turns away, the wind picks up. Leo facing away, pulled back shot. "Let's keep going." END

Narration as they travel further into stranger and stranger territory.

Leonardo: What was to be a relaxing romp has become a grueling death march. Sweating and hacking through the threatening undergrowth, he understands that he is hopelessly lost. As lost as Donatello seems to be, following an Unknown pull, mumbling to somebody only he can hear Donatello: while Leonardo must fight the wild landscape, he slips easily through the thorns. And he listens, and talks. Hair is better than scales? The birds are traitors, having stolen the secret of hot blood? Giants, brought low by small, furry ones? As he pursues the silent beckoning, he learns...

They have a run in with a foe in pitch black forest. They take many hits but score one back, severing one limb, hairy and clawed, then retreat. Don garbs himself in some make shift religious fair, using his blanket, mud and ash. The two sleep, they dream.

And they dream the same dream. They see their blood rise and rule. The ring is turning. The reptiles differentiate, and claim the seas and air. They see their family as it might have become- If the ring hadn't broken. They feel contempt for their children, the birds, as they invade the skies. But it is nothing compared to the fear which the small hairy ones bring. The furry horde had been around since the reptiles beginnings- swarming… unstoppable.

ID: Three panels. Caption Box: The morning brings questions. Leo and Don sit with their backs to a tree. Don's taken his mask off, made a dark markings on his face and body, and wears a hood. Leo: Did you dream-? Don: Yes. Leo looks upset, gestures with a hand in front of himself. "I... felt grief. Anguish. They must be let loose. -- But why? And how?" Don's face is completely shadowed by his hood, his eyes and teeth stick out in far too much detail. It is an unsettling smile. "You're starting to learn." END

Another fight, Don's leg is broken by the mammalian Adversary. Leo, with all the weight of the loss of his brothers, takes position to make a last stand protecting him. But Don urges him to continue on, to find and aid the Father of all Reptiles.

ID: Many panels, Don injured, propped against a tree. Eyes closed in pain he says "Can't you hear?" Leo looks behind them. A strange voice says "Come." Close on Don, crying, yelling at Leo "Go! Please! I have faith in you!" Leo's eyes, frowning. Leo's hand, offering his sword. Leo's eyes, he's crying through his mask. "Take this." Don's hand taking the sword from Leo. Narrow panel, Leo walks away, remaining sword drawn. "Fight well." END

ID: A cut off panel with dialogue, and a close on Leo, framed between two rocks, crying heavily. The says: You have become one with sorrow. You are sad. I am glad. Now we may speak. END

Leo climbs and the conversation continues.

Narration: There are sounds behind him, as he climbs. Voice: Your brother Donatello gave me joy when we met. I thought it would release me from my grief. Narration: Following him as he scampers every higher. Voice: I tried to go. But joy is ephemeral-- Narration: Leonardo reaches the top with haste. Voice: While melancholy lasts forever.

Leo sits at the mountain peak, thinks of his brothers, contemplates the sounds of the Adversary below and the Father of all Reptiles speaks to him more, as he falls into sleep.

This is my nexus, my holy spot. This is my prison, where I am trapped by my sadness. Dream of extinction. Dream of death. Once we were, now we are not. You and yours are what we could have been-- Had not the hairy ones come. All the scaly brethren are my children… But they hairy ones killed them-

Leo wakes slowly to a growl, then all at once with a yelp.

ID: Full page, the Father of all reptiles finishes in a yell. "THEY ATE MY EGGS!" The mammalian Adversary's loud growl just under the speech bubble. It looms in the panel, over Leo at the bottom, his sword drawn. The Adversary, large and rodent like, fur dark, eyes gleaming, foam dripping from its mouth. One arm severed and still bleeding, implanted in it are the weapons from Leo's brothers. Raph's sai in its leg, Mike's nunchaku in the stub of its arm, Don's staff and Leo's other sword in its chest. Other small rodents cling to its form. Surrounding the image, marginalia in the corners. Cracked eggs up top, rodents in the bottom. And a border of text, listing eras, genera and species of or relating to early mammals. END

Leo's brothers, injured, wounds wrapped and broken limbs braced, are following his trail. They see signs in the sky, Mikey thinks it looked like a massive turtle. Don is assured with his faith that this means the Father of All Reptiles is aiding Leo, and that they should rest. Mike and Raph leave him to sit at the mountain base (offering him another weapon for protection), and make their way up.

Narration: At the pinnacle, a warm, fresh breeze wafts downward. The trees below grow normal. Throughout the world, fossil Mesozoic eggs break apart, as fetal reptile souls are let loose. Paleontologists will find no more intact eggs. EVER.

ID: Full page panel, Leo sits at the base of the giant cracked egg of the Father of All Reptiles. Sword dangling, he's exhausted, blood splatters him, his sword, and the mottled surface of the egg shell. The Adversary's head and remaining hand are laying to one side, the dark mass of fur on his other. His brothers cresting the peak see him, and he says "We freed him. The wheel is moving again. The ring is whole." Caption box: And whole, the ring moves on. A Marginalia drawing in the corner shows a small rodent, the front of its body inside the cracked shell of an egg. END

#some shit #tmnt #tmnt mirage #wifi blogs mirage #<- more posts like this. and less like this. there #turbles...#pretty please someone be insane about this with me? i just think its sooooooooo #my heart hurts thinking about them yearning for when the earth might have been better suited for beings like them.#and the tension between don having this true like spiritual experience and their family bonds.#NORMALLY. im against stories making any of the turtles be skeptics. especially for mirage. it just comes off a little strange. with all #they've been thru. BUT I THINK THIS ONE REALLY SELLS IT. it really sells what they would be willing to go along with but also plenty of #reasons they would push back too. and maybe it seems a little corny. but i really like it just being. reptile specific.#instead of filtering some real cultures believes into the comic. not that it cant be done just. this is the 90s.#and none of the writers have really had the chops whove done it so far (and a non insig. number have.)#anyway what i say about the leatherhead issue. I love when don gets main character syndrome. SAD BOY.#really just a very very characterful issue i like it so much. when i saw the back cover again after reading. i got startled by the red mask #cause i forgot this was mirage. NOT. need to be clear. that i dont think TONES of mirage is also this characterful. just like.#the sort of. amalgamation in my head took over. also they sounded like 03 while i was reading. due to. don angst.#so so so long. 2 LAST THINGS #should outs to the other brother for the words help in second to last image. he came in clutch!#and i would just really like to redirect everyones attention to raphs smile in image 5. he has dimples! (turtle dimples...)#oh shit 3rd last thing. guess which image was scaring the shit outta be when i tired to sleep. 👁👄👁

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