#i miss feeling like i can spend time healing myself without worrying about being selfish

[stmichaelthearchangel]

.

[sugarandspace]

The Storms That We've Braved

Summary: Buck visits the Diaz household in the middle of a school day and is greeted by a guilty-looking Eddie and a happy Christopher who is watching movies instead of being in school like he should be.

A/N: I love post-tsunami fics and wanted to write something that focuses on how Eddie is doing after it and this happened!

AO3

Buck knocks on Eddie’s door, his other hand holding the takeout coffees. He had been using his day off productively by running some errands and had stopped at their favorite coffee place after, deciding that instead of going home, he could visit Eddie. It’s a school day so Christopher won’t be home, but Buck can see Eddie’s truck on the driveway and knows that his friend is in the house.

It takes a moment before the door opens, and when it does Eddie looks surprised.

“Buck?”

“Hey,” Buck greets and moves past Eddie into the house. “I thought I’d stop by.”

Eddie closes the door and when Buck looks at him again he can see that something is off with Eddie. He looks tired and as Buck studies his best friend’s face closer, he can see that Eddie looks almost… guilty?

Did he interrupt something?

“I can leave,” Buck says slowly. “If this is a bad time.”

“It’s not-” Eddie starts, but he’s interrupted by Christopher appearing from the living room.

“Buck!” Christopher says happily. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

“Hey Superman,” Buck says and crouches down to greet Christopher with a one-armed hug while he’s trying not to spill the coffees. Eddie sees him struggle and takes the cups from his hand, and Buck is able to hug Christopher properly.

If the hug lasts longer than normal, no one but Buck needs to know that it’s because last night he woke up at 4 am screaming the boy’s name.

It’s been two weeks since the tsunami. The physical scars have healed and Buck’s back at work - albeit in light duty. He doesn’t exactly like it but he’ll endure it if it means that he’ll eventually be back with his team.

It’s the mental scars that are taking a little longer to heal. As if the trauma of being in a natural disaster wasn’t enough, he’d been there with Christopher, and on a day when Eddie had left him alone with the kid for the first time.

Buck lets go then, before the thoughts get a tighter hold on him and he’s unable to do it at all.

“It’s a surprise visit,” he tells Christopher. He knows that the boy should be in school right now but he doesn’t want to ask him why he isn’t, in case it has something to do with the tsunami and he would bring up bad memories when the boy is smiling so widely. “What are you up to?”

“Dad and I are watching movies!” Christopher tells happily. “You should join us!”

Buck looks at Eddie who still looks like he got caught doing something he shouldn’t, but Eddie nods and it’s all Buck needs to be able to answer Christopher.

“I’d love to,” he says. “You can go on and continue watching the movie, I want to talk to your dad first.”

“Okay!” Christopher says and disappears back to the living room, using the wall for balance as he walks.

Buck nods towards the kitchen and they both walk there, and Eddie places the cups on the counter.

“I know he should be in school,” Eddie says immediately, like he thinks Buck needs to know that he knows. He leans his hip against the counter and Buck mirrors his position next to him.

“Why isn’t he?” Buck asks kindly. “Is he sick? Did he have another nightmare?”

Buck knows he’s not the only one who’s been struggling with nightmares. Eddie told him at work that Christopher has been waking up some nights, scared and crying. After a particularly bad one, Eddie had called him at 2 am apologising profusely at waking Buck up, but explained that Christopher was refusing to go back to sleep until he heard that his Buck was okay.

Little did Eddie know that Buck hadn’t been sleeping either.

“He’s fine,” Eddie says. “I think talking to that therapist has helped him. He hasn’t had any nightmares for the past two nights.”

“Then what is it?” Buck asks.

Eddie’s silence is worrying, but Buck doesn’t push him. He seems to be struggling with whatever it is and Buck doesn’t want to make him shut down when he’s about to say something.

“It’s me,” Eddie says quietly. He rubs a hand across his eyes and looks down to their feet, looking almost angry with himself. “I had a nightmare and I couldn’t send him to school so soon after it. We were eating breakfast and I kept thinking about spending the next few hours without him and I didn’t want that. I needed to be able to remind myself that he’s okay.”

Buck is about to say something but Eddie continues speaking. It’s like he’s trying to get it all out as fast as possible before he loses the courage.

“And I know it’s selfish,” he says. “I know his education is important and that he has friends at school he likes to spend time with and that he genuinely enjoys most of his classes. I know all that.”

He looks up at Buck then, like he needs Buck to understand that.

“I know,” Buck says. “You love that kid and you want to do what’s best for him. But it’s okay to do what’s best for you as well. What happened wasn’t easy for you either, and if you want to keep your kid a little closer than normal, no one can blame you. Missing a day of school is okay. I think having a small break and spending time with you might be good for him too.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything and Buck isn’t sure if he believes his words, so he decides to change the topic for now. But only a little.

“Do you want to talk about that nightmare you had?” He asks. He’s half-convinced that Eddie will just brush him off because Eddie doesn’t like to be vulnerable. But he also thinks that Eddie looks like he might want to talk this time, and Buck will do all he can to make it easier for him. “Was it about the tsunami?”

Eddie nods.

“I wasn’t even there,” Eddie says, and he sounds so damn guilty Buck wants to shake him and make him see that he did nothing wrong. “I didn’t see the horrors you two had to see, I didn’t experience even a fraction of the things you two went through. I should be able to be strong for him.”

“Eddie,” Buck sighs. “It’s understandable that what happened shook you as well. You might not have been there when the tsunami hit, but you had to stand at that field hospital and listen to me tell you that I had lost your son and-”

“You didn’t lose him,” Eddie interjects. “It was a natural disaster and it took you two away from each other. None of it was your fault.”

Eddie’s voice is strong and he looks Buck in the eyes as he says it, making sure the words are heard and understood.

“Thank you,” Buck says, because replying with I know still feels a little bit like a lie. It’s something he’s working on, and he appreciates Eddie’s help. He wants to be able to help Eddie too. “But my point still stands. There was a moment when you didn’t know where your son was and what might have happened to him. All you knew was that he’d been in the eye of the biggest natural disaster the state has had in years. I can’t even imagine the fear you felt in that moment.”

Eddie is quiet for a moment before he says, still looking at Buck intently.

“I don't think you need to. I think you know.”

Buck gives him a sad smile in reply.

“What happened was traumatic for you too,” Buck summarises. “It’s okay to be affected by it.”

“When did you get so wise?” Eddie asks, obviously trying to lighten the conversation up. Buck allows it.

“Therapy,” he replies with a smile on his face. “I can recommend a good therapist if you want to.”

To his surprise, Eddie seems to be considering it.

“Maybe,” he says. “But now I have a movie to finish.”

Buck laughs.

“I can leave you to it,” he says, happy to see Eddie smiling again and glad that he was able to make him feel a little better. “I know you want to spend time with Christopher.”

Eddie’s smile falls after those words.

“Stay,” he says. Then after a short pause, “Christopher’s not the only one I want to spend time with after last night.”

Buck looks confused for a moment before he understands. He was in Eddie’s nightmare as well.

“You mean a lot to me,” Eddie says, and Buck tries to ignore the way his heart stops a beat. If only Eddie knew how much he means to Buck. But this is not the time for that conversation, so Buck listens as Eddie keeps talking. “And sometimes I worry. With Christopher it’s easier. I can be there for him when he has a nightmare and if I have a nightmare, I can walk to his room and make my dumb brain believe that he’s okay.”

“I told you that you can call anytime,” Buck reminds him. “I meant if Christopher has a nightmare but I meant if you need it too. Anytime, Eddie. And for any reason.”

“That goes both ways,” Eddie says. “And before you try to say anything, I’ve seen the dark bags under your eyes. I know that you don’t get enough sleep. And I can fathom a guess why that is.”

Buck doesn’t try to argue, knows it would be pointless. He also knows that he loves Eddie more every day.

When Buck’s words fail him, he trusts his actions. He steps closer and pulls Eddie into a tight hug.

“We’ll be okay,” he says and he truly believes his words. “All three of us.”

Eddie holds him back just as tightly, “We have each other.”

Buck’s heart warms at being included, and he holds the hug until he can feel Eddie pulling back.

“I think we have a movie waiting for us,” Eddie says with a warm smile and nods towards the living room. “You take the coffees, I’ll grab a juice for Christopher.”

Buck does as he’s told and they go to the living room where they settle comfortably on the couch, Christopher in the middle.

By the time the credits roll around, all three of them are asleep on the couch, in various states of leaning against each other. It might be a very uncomfortable position, but it’s the best rest Buck has had in two weeks.

[amariaamaris]

Of Changes and Revelations

I got this idea from the other Marvel and TVD crossover that I did, it is going to be (hopefully) very different. I hope it comes out well and that I do it justice... I’m already working on a second part, I felt that this was getting a little to long! Please let me know what you think and if there are any grammar/spelling/punctuation things that need fixing. Constructive criticism is always welcome. This took me forever, there were so many roadblocks and questioning myself on if I actually wanted to write this. Thanks to my sister pushing me and my imagination running wild with promises of what I can do in the future with this... I decided to go through with it... so enjoy!

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After it’s all said it done; after Esther failing in killing her children, Bonnie’s mother being turned to break the link, Abby bailing (again), Klaus forcing Bonnie to break the spell Esther did... The expulsion of magic that resulted inadvertently saved Finn’s life, knocking out the scooby gang in the process (including most everyone in the town). While also setting fire to anything flammable within the radius of the town (leaving only a select few homes and buildings untouched). It’s safe to say all the white oak is gone... along with multiple buildings.... (oops?) The poor trees are all fried, though luckily they have strong bark, so they’ll survive (it also helps that Bonnie helped to heal them).

All of it coalesces and brings Bonnie to locking herself up in her grams house for as long as she pleases with no acknowledgement of the outside world. She had methodically gone through the house and unplugged the internet, tv’s, shut down her phone, and all other electronics. She just wants to be left alone, Bonnie is exhausted; she’s tired of being used, abused, and taken for granted.

She had found a boundary spell in one of the grimoires to keep those with ill or selfish intent off her property and the fu- away from her (especially certain vampires). In the middle of the week Bonnie left her grams house and went to the school. At the beginning of the week she set up this time to test out of high school.

Bonnie made sure to blend in with the crowd to not be spotted by her “friends”; they may have not seen her, but she definitely saw them. She took the test within three and a half class periods and got the hell out of there. Bonnie drove away like a bat out of hell and made it back to her grams house as fast as she possibly could. She had completely moved into her grams house throughout the one after another of the supernatural shit show that she now calls her life (or rather did call her life). Not like her father was ever around for her to bother staying in his house.

The plus side of testing out of high school is that she can go and get whatever she needs without being worried about being ambushed by her “friends” or the Mikaelson's. Bonnie has also decided that she is going to take all the time that she needs to spend on self-love, working with her magic to learn, and embrace it joyfully. She also has been spending time in meditation and speaking with all of her ancestors. For once in her life, Bonnie Shelia Bennett has finally decided to be selfish and damn the consequences.

Little did she know that her new change would go right along with a huge change that will flip her world on its axis and bring up deeply buried memories.

————

Rudy Bennett knew that this day would come, he knew that eventually they would hunt him down. After all, he did abandon his post, he cut off all contact and went rogue. In doing so, also kept his child away from her culture and her people. He knows that if they find out about her and his lack of parenting, that would sign his fate.

Rudy couldn’t hide his shaking hands as he poured himself a drink and promptly chugged what was in his glass. He did decide that he wouldn’t run or hide, he was going to wait for them to come. He just got done pouring his second one when the lights flickered off; causing a shiver of fear to run down his spine, he could also feel sweat on the back of his neck.

When the lights flickered on, there were two Dora Milaje standing on the other side of his desk. Still as stone holding their vibranium spears, with the king and his cousin standing in between them. Both in different black panther suits (armor?), causing Rudy to gulp. Rudy could feel more sweat break out on his skin as he warily stared at his king.

“D’Kadi Dzube, you’ve been missing a long time.” Rudy or rather D’Kadi watched as both the men tapped on their collars and watched as the mask melted away and showed their faces. Rudy could hear his blood rushing to his ears as he felt himself pale a little. “You were once my father’s most trusted war dog. Then one day, you disappeared without a trace. Just a few months ago we found you... we also found some very interesting information. D’Kadi Dzube you have a daughter that you hid from your people. From my understanding you have been neglecting her as well.”

Rudy could hear ringing in his ears and the blood rushing through his body, he could imagine that he looked white as a sheet. Everything was blurring and before he knew it his eyes were rolling and he fell into darkness.

————

Bonnie could feel something coming to the depths of her bones, it would cause her to pause as her hair would stand up on its ends. Which would lead her to looking out the windows, but there was nothing there. It got to the point where Bonnie decided to add an extra warding to the house rather than the property. Evidently to keep anyone away from the structure of the home, while still being able to enter the yard (only if they pass the wards on the property that is).

Bonnie had started a cute little herbal and vegetable/fruit garden in her backyard, along with some landscaping spanning around the whole house. Along with flowers on both sides of the pathway walking up to the house. Bonnie has never before felt this free and happy. That doesn’t change the fact that she still feels a phantom twinge of pain when she thinks of how her friends haven’t even tried to come visit her. Not. A. Single. One.

Hell! Even Klaus showed up! Not that he could get on the property and it’s not like he was checking up on her... but still! Bonnie lets out an annoyed huff and shakes her head as she focuses back on her plants at the front of the house. She tries to work through her agitation; at her friends, the Mikaelson’s, the Salvatore’s, her parents, her grams for not teaching her from the beginning, at herself for not being smarter and wiser, and Bonnie might as well add the world to the list to. 

She very quickly finds herself falling into a flow of taking care of the plants as everything washes away. Bonnie has found that in many instances doing something like this puts her in a meditative trance that helps to center her. Two hours pass with Bonnie working on her plants, when she hears a car drive up and park on the curb.

Bonnie allows herself to slow down in her landscaping work, but doesn’t turn around - even as she hears the car doors open and shut. She can also hear strangely accented voices talking, both male... but she can sense more people with them. Hearing them coming closer makes Bonnie glad that she chose to wear a wide brimmed straw hat that belonged to her grams (she’s rather not have people recognize her before she can tell whether or not they are threats). 

“Excuse me? Are you the daughter of Rudy Bennett and Abby Bennett....” She freezes, but gives no answer. Bonnie can already feel her magic gathering, ready to motus the hell out of all of the people behind her. Receiving no answer, the people behind her exchange looks, “Granddaughter to Shelia Bennett?” Bonnie feels her agitation spike, causing her to rip off her dirty gardening gloves and throw them to the ground.

Bonnie turns around to look at them, noticing two men that look like cousins, two bald women that have what look to be tribal tattoos on their heads, and a random white man wearing clothing far heavy for how warm it is. Bonnie can practically feel her magic crackling at her fingertips and through her hair. “That depends on who is asking and why...?”

One of the cousins move to step forward, but upon seeing the look on her face, thinks better of it. Though, that didn’t stop him from kindly smiling at her, “My name is T’Challa, this is my cousin N’Jadaka, these two women are Okoye and Ayo, and this is James Barnes. I would like to speak to you about your father.”

Bonnie studies all of them and then flicks her eyes back to T’Challa, before she can respond with something biting, she hears whispers upon the wind. She allows herself to slightly tilt her head to listen better. After a few seconds Bonnie focuses back on T’Challa and the people he brought with him. “I’m not interested in talking about the sperm donor that calls himself my father. I could care less what type of underground cultish mafia he got himself into. If he owes you anything make Rudy deal with it, his problem’s aren’t mine to deal with.”

Bonnie quickly makes her way onto the porch of the house - without turning her back on them (she doesn’t have a death wish) - already knowing that whoever these people are, they aren’t going to let her off easily. N’Jadaka, the man with weird bumps all over his extremely musc- no! Bonnie quickly mentally shakes herself as he snickers with a smirk on his face. “I don’t think I have ever heard someone call people from Wakanda a cult or mafia. The little kitten does have a point cousin.” He runs his tongue over his teeth, “She should be wary, she knows nothing about her father’s history. “

“N’Jadaka...” T’Challa gives him a sharp warning look, not noticing Bonnie moving to open the front door to slip inside. “Where do you think you’re going kitten? We said we wanted to talk that’s what you’re going to let us do!” He moves to go onto the porch, but feels like he hit a brick wall, N’Jadaka also gets a nasty zap throughout his entire body. Causing him to hiss slightly in pain as the group takes notice of the wind picking up and hissing whispers upon the wind (not that they could make out what they were saying). They do notice how Bonnie seems to understand exactly what is being said upon her head whipping around to face the road. All of them watched as she ripped off her hat and lightly tossed it onto the porch swing, they heard the sharp angry hiss escape from her as her green eyes darkened.

The group from Wakanda evenly spaced themselves out as they turned upon hearing a car door slam, they all watch as a long blonde haired young woman walked around the car and onto the property. “Bonnie! Where have you been? We have all been trying to get a hold of you, you haven’t been at school, you haven’t been answering your phone or showing up to practice! We’ve been worried! Honestly Bonnie Bennett you better have a good reason for completely cutting all of us out of your life... who are these people?!” Bonnie stares at Caroline for a few seconds realizing that her chest no longer hurts when thinking of her ex-friends. In fact Bonnie realizes with sudden clarity that there isn’t pain when she thinks of her friends, only white hot fiery fury and looking at Caroline only makes her annoyance and fury rise at the audacity that she had to show up to her grams house unannounced at her house, at her sanctuary.

“Who they are is none of your business Caroline, in fact they were just leaving, like you will be. I’m not particularly in the mood to talk to people that ruined my perfectly peaceful day by arriving unannounced.” Turning her attention to the curious onlookers Bonnie continues “I don’t care to talk about Rudy and whatever shit show he’s gotten himself into,” looking to Caroline “and I don’t want to be forced to listen to lies! I’m well aware that none of you have noticed my absence up until a couple days ago. I’m also aware that none of you actually care for me, all of you just see me as some weapon to be used. Well I’m done being your sword and shield. I want all of you the hell off of my grams property. Do whatever you want with Rudy, it’s not my problem and I want nothing to do with it. Caroline you and the rest of those assholes can shove your lies and demands up your asses. I’m not going to be your quick fix to problems you brought on yourselves. Grow the fuck up and deal with them yourself! Now get the fuck off of my property!”

The front door slams viciously behind Bonnie, whose screaming voice still echoed in the air with whispers following it, the group from Wakanda all had their eyebrows almost to their hairlines. While Caroline’s jaw was dropped almost to the ground in shock and hurt. “You should leave Care-o-line, you’re no friend of hers.” N’Jadaka’s voice quickly pulls her out of it and brings up her misplaced righteous fury. “Oh, really, I am her friend. Who the hell are you? From the way it was looking none of you are friends of Bonnie’s! I’m her best friend!! You had to have done something to upset her, she would have never said something like that or treated me that way! All of you are the ones who should leave!”

N’Jadaka moves to step forward, but James puts his hidden vibranium arm in front of him and says only one thing in a harsh warning tone. “Erik...” Causing Erik to suck on his teeth for a second then back down. While T’Challa steps forward with his hands up in the universal sign of peace. “Miss...” Caroline huffs out her answer to his silent question, “Caroline Forbes!” He immediately gives a soft smile, “Miss Forbes, I believe all of us need to leave Bonnie alone for the time being. If it makes you feel better we will get into our car first, but we will only be leaving after you drive away. She is important to our people and I will not risk something happening.” Caroline works her jaw as the gogs in her brain slowly turn, her eyes sharpen for a few seconds, but she quickly gives in and slowly, dejectedly nods.

None of them notice the whispers on the wind that one small young Bennett witch listens too as they all drive away, with a contemplating look in her eyes.

————

The next day has Bonnie working in the backyard harvesting the herbs, vegetables, and fruits that she needs. Bonnie gives absolutely no reaction to N’Jadaka’s presence as he walks around the back of the house. “You know it’s seen as extremely rude to not only invite yourself to someone’s house, especially not knocking on the front door.” She has to hide her slight smile upon hearing him huff out a laugh, “I’d love to knock on your front door kitten, the only problem is... I couldn’t seem to get on the first step.” Bonnie can sense the question in his words, but chooses to ignore it and continue her work. She can feel him watching her and gets quickly fed up witch a harsh huff Bonnie stops what she is doing, stands up, and turns to face him.

She has to give herself a few seconds to get accustomed to the height difference between the two of them, to put it simply... he dwarfs her. Not only in height, but in sheer muscle mass, she averts her eyes to try and hide the affect he’s having on her. Bonnie decides to chalk it up to the fact that she hasn’t had any direct human contact for a while. “Look N’Jadaka...” “Erik” His interruption causes her to blink, “What?” Erik let’s out a quiet huff while a smirk plays along his lips. “My colonizer name kitten, is Erik. I’d rather go by it than N’Jadaka... has a lot more pride in it than my other name does.”

Bonnie quietly mouths colonizer with a confused look, but decides that they can come back to that later. “Fine! Erik... just...” Bonnie let’s out breath and frowns as her eyes play across the plains of his face and the outdoors. “I don’t know why... but my ancestors like you and they say that I can trust you. Now I’m going to do something that I never do... I’m going to trust my ancestors.” She allows herself to walk up to him and look him directly in the eyes “and if you ever... and I mean ever break that trust. I will personally find a way to kill you, slowly, painfully, and only when your begging for mercy will I kill you... got it?” While she was talking her finger was poking him in the chest to help emphasize her words with a sickly sweet smile upon her face.

Erik gives a slow smile knowing that he shouldn’t find himself turned on by her threat, but he is. He allows himself to carefully grab the hand she was poking him with and holds onto it. Erik chooses to ignore the quiet gasp that escapes her lips... for the moment “You got it kitten, would you like me to explain what you were very unwilling to talk about yesterday with my cousin?” He watches completely fascinated as her eyelashes shadow her eyes while she thinks it over, when she looks up and focuses back on him, she gives a hesitant nod. “Okay, but your helping me with my garden... if we have to talk about something that I would rather never have to think about again, your going to be useful and help.” Her words pull a sharp laugh out of Erik, as he grins and gives a nod in acceptance.

Once she quickly shows him what do to and what to look for, they start working. As they work he explains everything to her, everything hidden from her, everything that her father has done... everything. It completely shatters her, it obliterates everything she thought she knew about her father and his side of the family, everything she thought she knew and understood about herself; it sends her completely into orbit. She doesn’t even realize that she is crying, nor does she realize that she is raging at Erik and upon his body. Her fists swinging to hit his chest as her magic angrily swirls around them. Bonnie feels as though she is shattered into a trillion shimmering atoms being carried away upon the wind. She can’t tell if she will ever find herself... how can she? Bonnie doesn’t think that she can gather the exploded pieces... how can she find them? They have scattered to the wind getting caught in the trees, falling to the streams of water to be carried and caught elsewhere. Bonnie can’t even feel Erik tightly holding her as he somehow carries her inside of her grans house. And eventually, much later into the night, he helps to pull her back together, but for now. He try’s to help hold together what little is left of Bonnie Shelia Bennett.

As her true name echoes through her entire being...

Ahnika...

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I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know what you think. The second part is on its way! Peace, love, and joy!

[sunsinrinn]

Do you love her? Part 3

Angst, (some) fluff, language

Bakugo x reader (past), setsuna x bakugo, Kaminari x reader

Word count- 1,756

You look at Denki shock at his sudden boldness unable to speak. Taking your silence as rejection Denki, losing his boldness, begins to stammer,

“I- I shit, I’m sorry I said that I just needed to get that off of my chest. I totally get it if you don’t want to be my friend anymore. Oh crap i messed up. I mean I cant loose you as a friend. I know you’re still getting over Bakugo but I- I should have kept quiet. I just didn’t want to keep this from you but damn i should’ve just lied about what I needed-“

You cut him off, “Denki shut your mouth and let me speak,” He immediately stops rambling and listens, “I like you too. You make me feel complete again. You manage to make me smile even when I don’t feel like smiling. I cant imagine my life without you. I want to have a relationship with you. But if we do this we need to go slow. I know you wont hurt me but I still need time.” As you finish speaking you see his eyes slowly begin to widen along with his smile.

“Oh god- I thought you’re silence meant you didn’t feel the same way oh my god I cant believe it you like me back!” He says excitedly as he wraps his arms around you. You begin to blush and hug him back. When you hug him back he whispers in your ear “I promise I will never break your heart. I will protect it with all my power and make sure you never get hurt.” You smile softly at that and say “I know, and I trust you.”

As you guys hug, outside Bakugo looks like his entire world was shattered. He had not expected you to return Denki’s feelings. In fact he expected you to have closed off your emotions. He knew now he has to try harder to steal you from Denki. He could not allow Kaminari to swoop you in. Bakugo storms away forgetting about apologizing for the moment.

Later in the day, you and Denki are found in the common area really close,laughing at each other’s jokes

“Wow Denki did you finally ask her out?” Uraraka asks jokingly, not knowing it was true.

You look over at him to see him blushing like crazy, “Yeah, my phone charger finally confessed his feelings” You say laughing softly. He looks at you blushing even more.

You Look at him like he hung the stars and Uraraka could see how much you cared for him. “So when are you taking her on a date then, lover boy?”

“I- i we are taking it slow” he manages to say, feeling slightly embarrassed.

“Ah, I see well. I hope you treat her better! Or else me and you will have some problems mister.” His eyes widen at Uraraka while you just smile. “Don’t worry about that Uraraka, I trust him” you say to her but look at him. He looks speechless at you, still not completely believing you are trusting him with your heart and love. “I promise I will protect her and never cause her harm” he finally manages to say. Uraraka just smiles believing him.

In the background, Izuku tells Shoto, “I’m glad they are together, he will really help her heal and I know he won’t hurt her.” Shoto nods before responding, “I am glad he confessed his feelings for her. I was about to do it for him.” Izuku just laughs at his response.

*A little time skip- A couple of months*

Bakugo has spent these last few months avoided the new couple disgusted at your low standard. He likes to think Denki is a rebound, someone who will keep you company until you get bored and want bakugo back. Although he is currently with Setsuna he has been close to breaking things off with her but he never does. He keeps thinking of ways to talk to you, reach out, but you have him blocked and avoid him when you’re alone.

“I will get you back y/n” he says to himself.

For you these past months have been wonderful with Denki you knew he loved you and he showed it to you. He would buy you flowers and your favorite snacks and even go shopping with you. You unconsciously compared your relationship with the one you had with Bakugo. Comparing them made you realize that bakugo never cared. He only cared in the beginning but after he stopped. He never even attempted to get to know you personally. He was only with you because you were head over heals in love with him. He was with you, not because he loved you, but he loved the idea of you being in love with him. Essentially, he only loved you because your love fed his ego.

You were foolish to think he actually cared, but Denki shows you how caring he is. Hell, he isn’t afraid to show you off or to give you affection in public. He wants you to know you are loved and that you deserve the world. He knows you are still healing but he will do everything he can to help you so you’re finally free from Bakugo.

Everyone can see how much he cares and how much he adores you. He worships the ground you walk. They also see that you are visibly happier than with Bakugo. Everyone knows that bakugo hates the relationship and they know that he hates that you can’t even look at him without being disgusted. He has somehow become colder.

Bakugo finally decides that instead of coming up with a plan he is just going to confront you. He decides to do it sooner rather than later so he no longer has to see you in Kaminari’s arms.

Days go by as you continue spending your time with Denki and others. Even now, Kirishima, mina, and Sero are cautious to talk to you. It hurts knowing you lost three friends, now they are just acquaintances. It hurts them too but they know its for the best, just in case bakugo wants to show up while you hang out with them. They are thinking they are sparing you from more pain.

Bakugo believes that full on confronting you is the way to go so he begins to avoid Setsuna. And oh boy, she pitches a fit so he reluctantly continues talking to her.

As you finish getting ready for your date with Kaminari you walk outside to wait for him. As you wait, Bakugo sees you alone and takes his chance to finally talk to you. He begins to walk out and stands behind you.

You sense someone’s presence behind you so you turn around smiling thinking its Denki. Your smile falls as you realize who it is, turning around quickly to avoid looking at him any longer.

“Y/n...” you hear him say softly but choose to ignore him so he continues, “Please y/n, I want to speak with you.” He reaches out to touch your shoulder causing you to flinch from his touch, “Don’t touch me Bakugo” you say coldly. He retracts his hand but continues, “Please, please forgive. You dont realize how much I miss you. How much I regret saying those cruel things to you.” His voice breaking as he speaks. His vulnerability almost, almost, changes your mind about him.

“Bakugo stop. We haven’t been together for months. Can’t you see I’m happier now? Can’t you understand that what you did and said really hurt me? I can’t be with you anymore.”

“Please y/n, please I still love you so much!”

You laugh at that, “You don’t love me. Do you love her?” You ask him that question for the last time.

“I don’t love her! I’m sorry I ever doubted my love for you! Please give me another chance!”

“Bakugo you don’t love me. I know you don’t. If you did, you would have never fallen for Lizard bitch Setsuna. You would have never stuck your tongue down her throat. If you love me like you claim you do, you would have fought harder for me to stay with you, not insult and degrade me and the love I HAD for you.”

He stays silent for a while, but soon speaks up, “I am so sorry for saying those things to you I was just so angry with myself for falling how Setsuna, and because I hated that you accused me of cheating. I want to make it up to you please just let me. I want a future with you by my side! I cant stand to see you happy with someone like Denki”

“You did cheat, bastard! What kind of game are you playing at Bakugo? You don’t want me unless I’m someone else’s. You don’t even know you’re being selfish right now! I am happy now but all you fucking care about is your fucking happiness! Leave me alone for fucks sake, Understand I don’t love you anymore, I love Denki and I am glad to have him in my life. He sees me as an equal and cares for my feelings.” You look back towards the door, where the hell is Denki when you need him? As you think that you seem him come outside hurriedly.

“I’m sorry I’m late- what’s going on?” Denki looks at you and bakugo. He notices your mad and bakugo looks broken.

“What happened?” He asks. You look at him and speak, “Oh nothing bakugo just came her to try and win me back.” He internally panics because deep down he’s afraid you’ll give Bakugo another chance.

“Don’t worry though. I already told him I have someone who not only sees me as an equal but also cares for me. Something he’s never done.” You smile softly at him and with that Denki’s worries are gone. He feels proud of what you said.

“Okay, well lets go y/n, we don’t want to be late for our date” and with that you hold his hand and walk off leaving bakugo behind.

Bakugo watches as the love of his life walks off happily. He knows he won’t love anyone as much as he loves you. He knows he’s going to have to live with the regret of losing someone who cared about him even when he was insufferable. That one question you always asked him will always stay on his mind, haunting him,

“Do you love her?”

The end.

Here is Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

A/N- with that “Do you love her?” comes to an end. I hope the ending is okay? I felt like I may have rushed it but oh well i guess...

What other characters should I write for? Any requests?

Taglist: @tspice283 , @random-fandom-girl-24

[sothatmyocshauntmealittleless]

No time to die - part 1/2

->part 2

author's note: so this is a piece I started writing when I got bored in a family gathering like two years ago, and I rewrote it recently. This is the first part and I haven't finished editing the rest but I estimate that there would be one or two more parts. The story is about two high school friends that meet after five years of having no contact with each other and their confrontation. Also the name is inspired by the song with the same name by Billie Eilish 'cause I was listening to it while writing a part of this and the song really suits the relationship between the characters.

~1800 words

I’m feeling a burning ache in my abdomen, and my mind is full of different scenarios that this could lead to, one worse that the other. What if I call an ambulance? I answer myself within a fraction of a second that it wouldn’t lead to pleasant things though the alternative which is bleeding to death isn’t ideal either. So just when I’ve finally convinced myself to pick up the phone and call an ambulance before I pass out, a name crosses my mind. It’s the best and the worst thing that I can do at the same time, but well sometimes your survival instincts would take over your overthinking abilities, no matter how strong they are. And despite all my hesitation, I know the number by heart.

She picks up the phone after few rings, “Hello?”, I’m a bit thrown off by how her voice is the same but her tone is different from the last time I’ve heard her, “Hi”, my voice shakes and I don’t know if it’s from the injury or hearing her voice again. “Riley? Is that you?”, somehow she could recognize me from just that one word and at least her tone is less formal now. “Yeah it’s me, listen I wanted to ask if you could come here now if you can, but it’s totally fine if you can’t make it.” Maybe it’s the shock of hearing someone from your past, or my shaky voice that she agrees to come without any other questions and I tell her my address in the calmest pace I can.

Until she arrives I spend my time overthinking on how bad of an idea it was to call her, and why would she even bother herself with my problems anymore, like who in their right mind would hurry in the middle of the night to heal someone from their past that they tried so hard to abandon. But careful knocks on the door save me from my thoughts. I open the door and for a moment think that the option of bleeding to death at least could’ve saved me from the awkwardness of this, before I manage to say “Thank you so much for coming, I really didn’t want to trouble you”, she replies “Not that I love getting surprise calls at midnight but what’s the occasion?” and then she takes a look at me with her perfect hazel eyes and sees it, the blood soaking my shirt and says “holy fuck Ri, what did… what happen- it doesn’t matter now”

It takes her only few moments to get into her other sleeve, the doctor she was trained to be, giving orders and analyzing the situation, only stopping once to curse me under her breath that I should’ve told her to bring her medical stuff and that I’m a lucky bastard that she didn’t come totally unprepared. Then her inner doctor takes charge completely. I tell myself maybe outer, you know it’s who she is now, heal first talk later that’s what she does.

“Take your shirt off”, I obey without making a snarky comment because even I can tell it would be inappropriate. I can’t really describe the process of her stitching me up, because I’ve never been a big fan of surgeries to the point I even skip them when they come up in movies, and maybe beside how pain makes everything hazy, I can’t wrap my head around the idea of her hands on me.

When it’s done she gives me some final instructions and tells me to don’t move from where I’m sitting for at least half an hour. Then standing in front of me without taking a step, she looks at her watch and her gaze lingers to the door and I know she’s thinking about leaving, but decides against it, at least for now.

“So are you gonna tell me how this happened?”, she asks gesturing towards my wound that is now stitched and bandaged. I guess I’m too exhausted for anything but the truth so I say “I was working on a case, and it didn’t end well.” She glares at me, “Well I can see that clearly, but how did it turn that way?”, “my client was a small business going to court against a big company, I had some dirty things on them but they weren’t enough proof so I was looking for more and they sent someone to scare me off I think, but um I tried to resist and it escalated quickly and I got a nice killer knife wound.” “It wasn’t fatal,” she says, “What?” I reply a bit shocked, “I said it wasn’t fatal, the knife didn’t go that deep, what? You thought I could fix a fatal cut with couple of stiches?” to that I mumble that I really trust her abilities and she rolls her eyes. I think at this point we’re past the formal greetings and small talks and now that the crisis is over she seems done with my shit so she continues “So you’ve finally fulfilled your dreams and became the woman you’ve always aspired to be, a detective/lawyer hunting down bad guys and giving them what they deserve” she doesn’t even try to hide the bitterness in her voice, and so if we’re going there now, I won’t try to hide it from mine either, “And you’ve became a doctor, a life you have dreamed of from the beginning, never even thinking to be anything else.”

She sighs and drops to the couch in front of me, “So this is the time that you’ve finally decided to talk about it.” It doesn’t sound like a question, more like a statement. Maybe being in pain and exhausted sharpens your edges and makes the things you’ve hidden carefully to snap free because I can’t hold back when I say: “Says the one who just abandoned me overnight and decided to part ways forever without even a heads up.” The thing is I’ve imagined having this conversation so many times in so many different situations, that it actually happening doesn’t feel real, it feels like another one of those fantasies in my head except she is really here now, and my pulse is betraying me by beating so damn fast.

“I didn’t abandon you, If I had you’d still be bleeding.” And a part of me wants to just accept that and move on and embrace her, because I’ve missed her, hell I’ve missed her so much I want to hug her and never let go, and we have a lot to catch up on too, five years worth of memories. Five years that we were no more than outside observers in each other's lives, but the stronger part, the part that’s been hurting ever since wants to have this conversation, needs to have this conversation or else I would never stop imagining it in my head.

“Well maybe our definition of abandonment is a bit different, ‘cause changing your life course and treating me like a stranger and pretending like all our planning and dreaming for future never happened sure as hell fits in mine.”

“I never treated you like a stranger, you were the one who decided to not talk to me and have anything to do with me anymore and cut contact completely”

“Because I couldn’t do it like that anymore, like I was just another one in your new class, as if we didn’t have history, like what we had wasn’t something more. We used to joke about how disconnected we felt from them, not because we hated them because we were different, or at least I thought you were.”

“People change Riley.”

And for a few moments neither of us backfires anything else to the other, and my mind finds time to wonder for the thousandth time why we didn’t even call each other all these years. But well one of the things that made us close at first was how stubborn we were. I remember clearly when there was a debate competition in school and we were a team and crashed the whole thing. Beside our passion for the matter we were unstoppable, to the point that each match ended to the other team being like “dear god just let it go it’s over”, and remembering those days even now in the midst of this makes me a little calmer.

I can’t help but ask, “Was it because I tried to-“ before letting me finish she says “God no, you think I could transfer in a day? And for what? Not everything is about you, or what you do or what you want, I thought five years would be enough time to learn that”, and well I’ve always known that it was a coincidence that those two things happened successively. But deep down I couldn’t shove the idea away that it was all because she wanted to get away from me, that it was my fault and I shouldn’t have done it after all. I know that doubt has led me to be selfish, and to give up on trying to fix it, and to suffer more, and I don’t know how to defend it (or if I even should). Throughout all these years I’ve also imagined getting the answer to this question countless times, and how I’ll finally be at peace if I got this answer, but now I don’t feel relived as much as I wanted to.

“So you thought of me in those years?” I say in a hopeful tone still desperately clenching to this conversation, as if all this could be solved just if we have this talk. “Way to avoid my point right? You haven’t changed a bit, reckless and careless and always holding on to things that don’t matter much to the extent that you nearly got yourself killed,” but she says this in a kinder tone than the previous one, maybe even with a hint of worry in her voice. I finally give up on trying to get this conversation to fix it all, and decide that we’re too tired now, so I reply “I thought you said it wasn’t fatal.” A pause then, “It’s really late, are you going to leave now?” I hope that she can hear the silent ‘stay’ in what I just said. “I don’t think I can get a taxi now, can I? considering the time, and I don’t have the energy to explain all this to someone and wake them to pick me up”, “you can stay if you want?” and for all we’ve been through, I’m relieved when she agrees.

//end of part 1

->part 2

[thescarletgang]

Christmas Miracle (KitTy)

For @revolutionarywriters Event 1 (July 2020)

Prompt : "People can live for a hundred years without living a minute"

Kit had been anxious before coming to the LA Institute. He had wanted to argue against Tessa and Jem's decision but that would have led to a really long discussion and Kit did not want that. He had cried enough times as it is while remembering that night.

Emma had invited the Carstairs family to Los Angeles for a Christmas celebration. Kit understood that Jem would like to spend time with Emma as he wasn't able to while he was searching for Kit, but did Kit really have to go with them? He would happily spend his Christmas with the sheep. It wouldn't bother him either as he had spent many Christmas alone.

But Jem and Tessa would, of course never let a Herondale alone at the house. And even Kit knew, he wouldn't survive a day without seeing Mina.

Which now lead to his present situation, standing in front of the LA Institute with his family, a bit dizzy. He didn't know for sure if it was because of worry over seeing him again or if it was due to the portal travel. Kit decided over the latter, as those kind of things only happen in movies.

Kit was freaking out inside even though he had a calm expression on his face. If Jem or Tessa ever heard about it, they would put it down as a Herondale trait.

Mina normally cried when going through a portal but this time she was sleeping. Kit's excuse to take Mina to a bedroom for calming her down went down the drain.

Kit knew that the inhabitants of the LA Institute would probably not care that he left. Julian and Emma had already visited them many times. Kit was never close to Mark, Cristina and Kieran. Helen and Aline didn't know him at all. Tavvy wouldn't when remember him. Dru probably hated him for leaving.And Ty-

Ty had said that Kit was nothing.

Kit pushed his thoughts away.

They went inside.

Emma rushed up to them and hugged Tessa and Kit. Jem was holding Mina who was sleeping, so she just waved at him. Others came to welcome them. Kit was surprised when Mark and Cristina both hugged him and Tavvy waved at him.

Then Dru came up to him. Kit was waiting for a slap or a punch but she simply hugged him and said, "I'm glad you came back."

By the time everyone appeared, Kit and Dru were talking and laughing, after Kit had apologised and promised to teach her to pick other kinds of lock.

While they were laughing Ty appeared and came up to them, Kit had the same thought in his mind from all those years ago.

How beautiful.

Ty looked so different but still so beautiful.

Ty didn't say anything and Kit didn't know what to say. Dru continued the conversation, "Ty just came back from the Scholomance yesterday."

Thank the angel Dru was there. Kit thought.

"Oh! How is it there?" Kit asked feeling slightly awkward.

"It's nice." Ty said pleasantly.

Maybe Ty really never cared.

After a while they flowed back into a conversation and Kit didn't feel awkward anymore. He felt happy while talking to Ty.

After a while, everyone went to their rooms. Dru left too. Neither Ty, nor Kit was sleepy so they settled to go to the beach. Ty and Kit were still talking about how they had spent their last 3 years while going around the institute. When suddenly Ty brought out the topic, Kit dreaded most.

"Why did you leave?"

Kit wondered which excuse would work but Kit knew he couldn't lie, because this was Ty, who Kit still loved after all these years.

So he just said "You know why."

"No, I don't. All I know, one second you were with me, and the next you disappeared during the battle! You never even said goodbye! Magnus told me, it was because of- , because of what we did. But I know that's not true."

Ty took a deep breath. He was shaking with anger suddenly, no it was not anger. He was trying not to cry.

Kit's heart hurt. He hurt because he had hurt Ty. The one thing he never wanted to do but had done it because he was selfish.

"I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. I didn't think you'd care enough about it."

"I don't want to hear a sorry! I want to know why you left!" Ty shouted in annoyance.

Kit finally shouted all he had felt since three years.

"Because I said I loved you and you didn't care! You said I was nothing! I felt so ashamed and embarrassed about myself that I didn't want to see you again!"

Kit stopped for a moment and said "Tessa once told me that people can live for a hundred years without living a minute and I hadn't lived a single minute in my life before I met you. I enjoyed being with you and I was always happy and I was living then. But when you said I was nothing, I knew my feelings were one sided and that you wouldn't want to see me again, so I left."

Ty was stunned. He realised what Kit was talking about and said, "I didn't mean it. I was just overwhelmed then."

Kit sighed "Ty, we both know you don't say things you don't mean."

"But I didn't mean it for you." Ty replied "I loved you too."

"Wha-?"

"I still love you. I was going to stop doing the ritual when you said you loved me and was going to say it back but then I felt guilty for forgetting Livvy. And I had to bring her back."

Kit was shocked and relieved and happy but he didn't know what to say to that.

He asked "Can I kiss you?"

Ty was suddenly looking happy too, like Kit and nodded.

Kit leaned forward and looked up at him. And when their lips touched, Kit felt his broken heart heal. He felt Ty smile against his lips and heard him say, "Never again are we missing a single minute of our life. We'll live every minute."

And like a Christmas miracle, Kit and Ty had finally found their way back to each other.

A/n : So, I hope you guys like this fic! This is my first TSC fic, I have only written two fics for Raven Cycle. Feel free to correct me if I had made an error (which has a 99.9% chance of happening) and have a good day ahead!!

[nanamismoonchild]

Result of the Eclipse

Summary: A prophecy that foretold the witches getting the patron of the Moon and her child spurred an uprising between the races of the witches, vampires, and wolves. Jealous rage fueled their fight, and soon the Moon had no choice but to separate the races. 

Pairing: namjoon x reader

Genre et Rating: vampire au, witch au, angst, fluff, mature

WC: 3.9k

Warnings: mentions of blood, a really bad spell (i’m sorry) 

A/N: I have not written in a looooong time, so when I started this, I couldn’t stop. I had to force myself to stop so I could work on an important assignment. So this will most definitely have a part 2! This was also part of the halloween event by @heartsforbtsnet​.  

There had been a time where the three races of supernaturals lived together in peace. It was centuries before the crowned prince and goddess met.  Stories were passed down from the old about special gatherings where drunken laughter and the occasional moans resounded through the streets of the town.  

But that was centuries ago and nothing but wild fairy tales to tell the children.  

The fight that ended the harmony between the wolves, the vampires, and the witches was a small but powerful one that would not heal on its own.  

The day the Moon gave herself over to the witches was the day that no one would ever see amity again.  The wolves and the vampires were jealous and jealousy is the ugliest emotion. It can make reckless decisions for oneself. 

“How can the Moon betray us like this? I thought we were her favorite,” the vampires hissed.  

“You? We are born under her light and become even more powerful than we know,” the wolves howled. 

The fighting soon began to become violent between the three races. Witches cast horrible curses to keep themselves safe from the poisonous bite of the vampire and the sharp canines of the wolves.  

The Moon took matters into her own hands and separated the races as sorrowful as it made her. She promised they would be reunited as one again when her princess was born and learned the ways of the witches.  

The vampires and wolves grumpily accepted and built their own cities while the witches prepared for the upcoming Eclipse that would bring them their most powerful goddess. Everything was peaceful.  

But that was centuries ago. 

 Namjoon waddled into his grandmother’s arms and gave her a kiss. He loved hearing the silly stories she told--no matter how sad or frightening they could be.  They were almost always about the old days before he was born. 

Many Eclipses had come and gone through the years he’s been alive, and, yet, no one had announced the new princess. But his grandmother always told him to believe and keep his mind open.  

But he didn’t need her to say that. He knew she was alive and well. And as the five-year-old he was, he just wanted to find her like a game of hiding and seek. He knew he couldn’t leave the cities’ limits though. So he only let himself believe and told no one about his intuition. 

His grandmother sent him to bed and kissed on the cheek. 

“Good night, my little prince. I feel there will be good news for you tomorrow.”

“Well then I need to sleep quickly, so tomorrow can come! Night!”

His grandmother smiled and left the room. Her little one could sleep through the night and even through the morning’s breakfast. There were times he would wake up the very next night and sleep an hour or two later. He was very keen to his vampiric nature even at such a young age. Luckily he had not a thirst for blood as others did.  

 The prince was awake the next morning, as he had promised. The noise level of the castle was more than what he was used to.  The servants were running around with fresh linen and buckets of blood at their side. The rare activity excited the small child at the news his grandmother suggested. 

Bouncing into the dining room for breakfast, he was met with his mother’s and father’s serious faces. Sensing their child, they immediately put smiles on their faces and alerted the kitchen servants. A few minutes later, his plate was piling high with pancakes in the shape of bears and a cup of orange juice.  His parents had tried giving him blood as a supplement to the orange juice, but it disgusted him, and never wanted it again. 

The King and Queen kept smiling at him, their nervous energy unbeknownst to their son. After a few bites, the Queen pushed aside her plate and leaned towards her son. 

“Joonie. We have some big news to tell you!”

Namjoon paused the fork that had a piece of his pancake, and glanced at his mother, “What? Grandmother said it would be good!”

“Well, it is, baby. Good for you..... The Princess has been alive for 6 years! And she is coming to visit us for 2 days.”

“I knew it! So I’ll be able to play with her!”

“You knew?” The King asked.  He peered at his wife, a silent message passing through the both of them. 

“Yes! I’ve also had dreams of her! She’s really pretty!”

“Oh dear. If this means what I think it means…” The Queen trailed off, watching her husband inform the kitchen of the new plan. 

The Princess would not be coming to stay with them. Not now.  

“Another fire, Princess?”

The servant witch stared in shock at the spreading fire you had accidentally started. It was the fourth one today, and, if you were being honest, you thought you were getting better at controlling fire spells.  

“Yes, another one. Will you help me put it out once again before Mother comes?”

The servant nodded and proceeded to recite the spell for you, ending the fire’s spread. Normally, servants were not allowed to use their magic. However, your mother had thought it necessary when emergencies occurred. Emergencies like fires and floods caused by you. 

Sighing deeply, you slumped into your chair, feeling the headache that followed your disasters.  Half of your room was charred and it would take another spell to fix it. Twenty-six years of practicing and you still weren’t able to do the simplest spells without going overboard. 

“Is there anything else you need Princess?”

“I’m fine. Now leave me alone please.”

The servant nodded and left the room, leaving you in complete silence.  

“I bet the other witches don’t have to clean up ashes.”

Your spell book was part of the ash but thankfully you had memorized the spell for cleaning up.

“All right. Not too much and not too little. Just enough,” you recited the spell, closing your eyes not wanting to see the catastrophe that might occur. 

When nothing could be heard, you opened them and let out a happy wheeze. Your room was clean and your possessions were in one piece again. 

“Success! Finally!”

You were definitely getting better. 

A knock on your door interrupted your silent celebration.  

“Come in!” Your mother, the Moon, walked in and took note of your happy form.  “I assume you did not cause another fire?”

“Ah...No. However, I did manage to clean up the mess myself. “

“You’re getting better! The servants told me the fire was spreading on half of your room.”

You smiled at the praise, striding over to her and giving her a warm hug. 

“I missed you.”

“As I missed you. Your father likes to be prepared for Eclipses even though we’ve done them countless times. One of those Eclipses even brought you into the world.” “Mother, I have heard the story before and I do not wish to hear it again. Please save me my innocent ears.”

“Innocent?” Your mother chortled. “Sweetheart, I have seen you ogling the male witches. You may even have a crush on one if I remember correctly. Oh, what is his name?”

“Seokjin! And he is only a friend. I have no romantic feelings towards him. You should know this after you snuck into my artbook!”

“I did not sneak into it. It was lying open and I peeked at it.  Very...detailed,” your mother raised her eyebrows knowingly. 

You shook your head and made your way over to the cursed book in question. It was true. The man you had been drawing since you could dream was etched into your artbook. You had no idea who he might be, but you knew he was a vampire. 

Flipping to a page where you knew his smile was prominent, you noted the details of his dimples and how his fangs were not as sharp as the vampires you had met. 

“Very handsome indeed.” Your mother’s soft voice surprised you causing you to jump and drop the book. 

The page it landed on was of a full body portrait. It was of the unnamed man standing in front of giant double doors with a suit on. His expression was grave, drawing it had made you worry for the man.  

The Moon picked up the book, studying the details. 

“Oh,” she gasped. “ I recognize this crest. It’s of the royal vampires. He must be part of the family.”

“There are royal vampires?”

“Yes. Do you remember when you were six years old? We were preparing for you to spend a couple of days there.” A sad smile formed on your mother’s face.  “However, they cancelled suddenly. And I may have a clue as to why now.” “You think it has something to do with me and my dreams?”

“I know it. Remember the stories I used to tell you.”

You remembered clearly. Your mother was the Moon and had ultimately stopped a war by sending the three major races of supernaturals to separate parts of the kingdom. Only her unborn child, you, could reunite them if you found the one you loved.  How would the vampire royalty figure out their son was your true prince? “Could he be dreaming of me as well?” The thought of the man seeing you as you saw him made a rush of blood warm your cheeks. 

“It’s possible. I would say we visit them as a surprise, but there still may be wounds that have not been cared for yet. They would not like to see me.”

You understood her words. Your mother’s reasoning behind choosing the witches as her patrons was a reasonable one, but the vampires and the wolves would not hear of it.  The vampires were too selfish and the wolves were too prideful.  

“You’re too kind for them anyway. I wouldn’t want a prince who turns his back on my mother,” you took the artbook from her and closed it with a huff.  

Grinning, you poke your spellbook open to the spell you had been practicing for the past few days. 

“Invisibility? What pranks are you trying to pull now?”

“Oh nothing Mother. I just want to show you”

“Well then. Go ahead.” 

Letting out a deep breath, you spoke the words, feeling a rush of wind flow through you.

As you opened your eyes, you looked in the mirror and your shoulders fell. It had not worked again.

Your mother started chuckling, trying to stop herself from laughing uncontrollably. 

Annoyed, you ask, “What is so funny?”

“You recited the wrong spell. I believe the spell you did was the floating one.” She pulled the book towards her and nodded. 

Confused, you looked down and gasped. You were floating. How had you not realized the first couple of times? 

“Fuck.”

“Language,” the Moon called out between breaths of laughter. 

“You aren’t supposed to laugh at me, I put all the effort into this!”

“I think your effort is top tier, my dear. But please, can we go to the right spell?”

After a few hours of practicing several of your weakest spells, you were allowed to venture into the garden. Your favorite place in the entire kingdom.  It was in the middle of the city and grew every single sort of flower anyone could imagine. You treasured the zinnias the most. They represented remembering or thinking of one’s friends or lovers. Ever since you first dreamed of the man, you were always thinking of him. 

You had recognized the crest, and your mother’s affirmation only proved that you needed to do something wild and forbidden. 

Picking a bouquet of the zinnias, along with a few others, you place them into a basket and draw the cloak you had brought along with you over your head. 

Reciting the invisibility spell, you felt the same woosh of wind from earlier. It was an odd feeling spreading through your body. But you knew it had worked when a servant came whistling around the corner and didn’t double take at your appearance. 

The city of the vampires, which you had learned was called Saorsa, was only beyond the limits of your kingdom.  It would be almost an hour’s trip by walking. You didn’t plan on walking as your dainty feet wouldn’t last that long, so you opted for the enjoyable version. 

Seokjin was waiting for you at the beginning of the forest line. He was shifting his weight from foot to foot, looking around every so often for anyone that would think he was suspicious.

“Seokjin, you’re doing this for Y/N. Get it together.” 

He heard the bush rattling, and glanced over to it.  

“Y/N? Princess? Is that you?” “Yes!” You said behind the frightened man.  

Jumping back a few feet, your friend let out a yelp. His handsome face scrunching in fear. 

Laughing, you come out of your invisibility and raise the hood of your cloak. “My friend you are such a scaredy-cat. How will you survive encounters with the vampires?”

“By not interacting with them Princess,” he scolded. He took a few deep breaths, trying to regain his composure. “Now let’s go ahead and get this over with. Remember what we practiced? I do not want to be turned into a rat again.”

“I can do it this time. I’ve even mastered the fire spell you taught me.”

“I heard your room went ablaze again.”

“I call that progress Seokjin.”

Seokjin laughed and stood back. 

You spoke the spell excitedly, watching as your friend transformed from a handsome man into a gorgeous brown horse. 

He neighed, stomping his foot in hurrah at the success of your spell. 

“Yes! Let’s go. Let me hop on!”

Hopping up to the horse’s back was a trial but you managed it by grabbing his mane, a little huff coming from him, and lifting your leg as far as it could go. Clutching onto his mane, you steadied yourself and took at the dense forest. 

Not a soul could stop you from meeting the man that captivated your thoughts.  

“Seokjin, I think we’re almost there! I can see the castle from here!” 

The hour’s walk had turned into a mere thirty minutes with the quickness of Seokjin’s hooves and a little magic.

The home of the vampires was close as the outline of the foreboding outline of the caste. The stark difference of your home and the vampire’s was colour; there seemed to be a lack of colour. Your mother had always told you vampires loved the darkness, which is why they loved her so much.  However, you had never thought it true. Who wouldn’t love to see colours pink, red, and yellow? The grey and black was hideous in your eyes. You could only hope that the man, who you now assumed was a prince, loved colours as much as you did.  

The tree line was slowly leading to a row of houses and you sensed that you would have to cloak soon.  

You had never practiced with two people--let alone a horse--so you could only pray to the Moon that it worked.  

Before you could try, Seokjin abruptly launched you into the air. Landing with an unprincess-like grunt a few feet from him, you make out Seokjin’s broad figure laying unmoving. A figure appeared from the shadows, blood dripping down their neck as they kneeled next to you. 

Whimpering, you tried to move away, but the sting of your broken leg kept you still. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,”the figure cursed. 

Your vision was blurring, and you could almost hear your mother say, “Language.”

The moonlight that spilled onto your face was almost blinding. Blinking a few times, you manage to register that you were on a bed with silk sheets draped across your body.  Foreign, yet it was warm and comfortable. 

You had no recollection of being put in bed-let alone being carried to the room. There wasn’t a clock on the stand next to you, but you knew it had to be close to midnight. You weren’t too sure of the day. 

The throbbing in your leg was barely noticeable as you sat up to collect your thoughts and survey the rest of the room.  The only light in the room came from the Moon, giving you a little bit of calmness. Your mother was watching in spirit.  

Seokjin wasn’t in the room with you. You could only hope he was fine. His unmoving body was singed in your mind and the guilt was slowly beginning to take over you. It had been your idea to use him as a horse to travel to the unknown land of the vampires. Unfortunately, it seemed only disaster struck as soon as you reached the city. The figure, that you assumed was a vampire, must have carried you here.  He seemed to be frantic once he realized what he had done.  Maybe Seokjin was here as well being taken care of. 

Wiping away the tears that slipped from your eyes, you stood up testing the weight of your legs. The pain was minimal and manageable. You presumed that it had been broken, perhaps it was only sprained. Opening the door of the room, you peek out into the hall that appeared to only house your room.  

“Hello?” your question echoed through the hall.  

No one answered so you stepped out into the hallway, letting the door close behind you.   

  There were no audible or visual signs that anyone was nearby. Just the soft steps of your feet as you made your way towards the staircase at the end of the hallway.  The stairs were dark, the moonlight not being able to reach it from the windows. There was only one spell you knew that could provide a light for you, but it was the cause for most of the fires in your room. 

“Can’t hurt to try. And if it does go ablaze, perhaps someone would smell it and come!” Your mother had told you optimism was one of your best gifts, and you intended to use it in this strange place.  

“ Light is what I need,

To guide my way through the dark

Just a little to lead.”

 Feeling your palm warming, you opened it, smiling at the little ball of light that hovered in your hand. 

“Finally!”

You let yourself gloat for a second before continuing up the stairs. They wound up several stories to a heavy door.  Pushing it brought you no success, and knocking on it would only hurt. You had no choice but to use your magic to open it--not that you wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to practice. 

The heavy door exploded open with your spell; the sound of it slamming against the wall should have been loud enough to alert anyone lurking. When no one seemed to be making their way to you, you continued your self-guided tour of your containment. 

“Where is everyone?”

Your home was always bustling with activity, day and night. From the stories your mother and father told you, you had expected vampires to be awake at night when the Moon was at her highest.  Mayhaps they slept through the night to dishonour her. Your mother did say the wounds had not healed though it was centuries before you were born.  

Perhaps your Prince would want to change that. 

There was another set of stairs that went up for several stories. They had put you in the lowest part of the castle. At least you surmised it was the castle, there was no other possible reason why a house would have two basements. 

At the next door, you could hear the clear, distinct sounds of laughter and clinking glasses greeted you. 

Delighted to finally have a form of contact, you quickly cast the spell to open the heavy door, announcing your presence to the entire kitchen. 

Three servants gasped at your appearance, dropping a few of the goblets and plates. 

“H-hi? I’m from-”

“Witch,” one of the servants hissed. 

Their fangs lengthened as they circled you. 

“Please. I do not come to harm you,” you backed up against the door, arms in front of you as a sign of peace.  “But I will if you come any closer.”

They all laughed at your words--the threat doing nothing to them.  

“The ugly witch threatens us?”

“Where did she even come from?”

“The dungeons perhaps?”

You whimpered, not understanding what you needed to do to escape the wrath of the servants. Magic seemed to be the only wrong answer.  Harming them was not something you wanted to do. 

“I am your future Goddess. My name is Y/N! Daughter of the Moon and the Sun.”

They laughed again. The old wrenches caring only about draining you. 

“We do not care about your mother. She betrayed us long ago.”

“I’m sorry for what she did, but you deserved it. You hurt the witches because of your people’s jealous rage. You’re lucky she didn’t take away your existence completely.” You had no idea where the confidence to say the things that were always hiding in the back of your mind. Your mother had regretted the decision to separate the races for centuries, and there was no reason for her to continue to have a contrite heart any longer. 

The vampires hesitated for a second only to continue their dance towards you.  

“Strong words coming from a witch,” they all hissed. 

“Strong words coming from my guest, servants,” a powerful voice coming from the doorway. 

All four of you glanced, and your heart sped up. 

It was him.  

He stood regal in the doorway, hands hidden in his suit pocket. His brown hair was messy as if he had just woken up. There was a twitch of annoyance in his grey eyes as he made his over to your shaking body.  

Taking your hands into his, he ran a finger across the skin. A touch of warmth spread across your body and instantly calmed you. 

“Breakfast was supposed to be served minutes ago,” he cast a look at the servants who had since backed away from you. “And then I hear the voice of our guest trembling in fear. How do you think that makes me  feel?” “We are sorry, Your Highness.”

“Yes very.”

“Saying sorry isn’t enough sometimes, isn’t it? You should all be aware of this as the Moon herself has said it countless times, and what did your families do?”

You had no idea what was happening between the four of them, but your Prince certainly had leverage.  

The servants bowed in submission to their Prince and scurried away. 

He turned towards you and caressed your cheek; his face turning into one of elation, “I cannot believe you’re actually here.”

“I cannot believe it either. I had a rather unfortunate welcome.”

“I know. And for that I’m sorry. Taehyung thought it was someone coming to attack us. He’s our best soldier and uses his fangs first before thinking. “

Frowning, you asked, “And what of my friend? Seokjin? He was a horse before he was forcefully turned back. The last I saw him...he was not moving and your “best” soldier wore his blood on his face.”

The Prince grimaced, your tone not something he wished to hear again. “He’s safe. Recuperating in the infirmary. He passed out from being forced to turn into a human and from the little nick of blood Taehyung took. He seems to be afraid of his own blood.”

Satisfied with his answer and the safety of  Seokjin, you lean into his chest, wanting to be close to him. 

“What’s your name?” 

“Namjoon. Kim Namjoon.”

You giggled, “All of my dreams of you, and not one of them ever told me your name.”

“Mine did. Welcome to my home, Y/N.” 

[sanders-sides-fics]

In My Dreams: Chapter Eleven

Warning: Murder discussion, Injury, self doubt

Masterlist

Word Count: 2103

-

Dear Roman,

Thank you for helping me so far. Gary Ashdown was a member of the court here in Picais, but he was killed the morning your letter was delivered. This doesn’t mean we weren’t going in the right direction. I don’t think it was a coincidence that the moment I started to look into this situation, he was murdered. I can’t be sure yet, but I do know that we’ll figure it out one way or another.

The castle is under lockdown but, thankfully, our letters are continuing as Remy is also communicating with your father about trade negotiations. Due to this, Remy and I are staying in the same room with Logan acting as our protector. I believe I could handle an attacker, but I need to study my father’s journal more before I am confident enough to start trying to practice more magic.

Speaking of my journal… Remy found out about everything.

We fought, but we are working on it. It is tense between us, but I think I have a better understanding of him. He’s as scared to lose more as I am of him, maybe even more so. Now that he knows, he plans on helping me find out what is going on in Picais, so we stay safe.

I understand your need to help me, and I’m glad you have. You don’t need to prove yourself to me though. What I would want the most from you is you recovering. As someone who cares about you, that is what matters the most. You are worthy of attention, Roman. Of being cared for, either stuck in bed or training with the knights.

Your Friend,

Virgil

-

Dear Virgil,

I’m sorry to hear the situation in Picais has gotten worse. My father hasn’t remembered anything else that could help you, but I’m going to ask him if he kept any records of the fights and the Dragon Witch’s accomplices.

Virgil, please stay safe. I don’t want to belittle you, but I trust Logan’s swordsmanship to keep you safe more than I trust your magic to. Because it’s new and I don’t want to find out you’re hurt because of it. Now that King Remington and Logan are close and they know…. Don’t try to push them away. It sounds hypocritical and arrogant coming from me, but if they care about you and want to help, let them.

I know you said King Remington plans to, but I just don’t want you isolated without a soul to turn to in Picais.

Thank you, Virgil…. It’s hard for me to consider what you’ve said. I do not deserve to be put up on some pedestal because I am your friend. I know you care, yet I feel helpless knowing I am here, safe in recovery, while you are in danger. I care about you too much to comfortably wait to heal in my bed while you could be hurt.

I’m sorry I can’t help you more.

Your Friend,

Roman

-

Dear Roman,

I’m going to stay safe, I can promise you that. Logan isn’t allowing Remy and I to go anywhere alone right now, which may be wise considering the situation. It’s a little suffocating to have no true alone time, but Remy has started to give me space during the day, letting me figure things out on my own. I promise you, Roman, I’m going to be okay. 

However, don’t talk about my best friend like that. He isn’t perfect that’s for sure, yet he’s changed and matured a lot since this situation started. He risked his life to protect mine and my family’s and nearly lost it. And now he’s telling me he doesn’t want to recover? To stay safe while he is hurt?

Roman, if I could, I would come to visit just to force you to follow your bed rest. You’re so much more important to me than any help or information you could offer me. You are my friend, first and foremost. You don’t need to be my hero, sweeping me off my feet and saving the day. What I need is you being alive and well, okay?

For all I care, you could be truly useless, though you aren’t. It doesn’t matter to me if you never touched a sword again, I would never think less of you over something like that. It’s the man behind the sword and shield that matters to me, not the metal he carries around. 

Whatever you do, don’t assume that your worth as a hero is all I care about.

Don’t apologize for not helping me enough. If you are feeling helpless, we’ll talk through it, or you could reach out to your father. Whatever you need to do to feel safe and secure, Roman. If you need me to help you, I will be glad to do so.

Your Friend,

Virgil

-

Dear Virgil,

I do not mean to worry you. I talked to my father like you suggested…. You were right about reaching out to him. I don’t feel better about it fully, but it helped a bit to have his reassurance. I’m glad you both care about me, and I know I need to try to believe the two of you more.

I care about you both a lot. You’re my best friend, Virgil. If you think I don’t need to be a hero, I can’t say I agree with you, but I would be willing to consider that you could be correct. It’s just… being the knight, the hero, was the only way I could get attention for so long that I don’t know how to stop being the knight and the prince to my people, the hero. 

Gaius gave me permission to start trying to walk in the time between when I sent my last letter to you and when I received your reply. It hasn’t been easy to start again. My legs feel weak and shake, but at this point, I’ll take it. If it means I get to be out of bed again, even for a few minutes at a time with my father’s support.

If I keep up my progress, I believe I will be able to come out to you sooner than I thought, though before it felt like I would never be able to come help. Would I even be able to come to the castle while it is on lockdown? Perhaps it will be forever before I can come.

Have you found anything useful in your journal yet? You said I do not have to be useful, but I still want to help you in any way that I can because I care about you.

Your Friend,

Roman

-

Dear Roman,

I’m glad to hear you are doing better than the last time you wrote me. It really sounded like you needed to talk out how you were feeling and even if it weren’t with me, I’m happy you did it.

I haven’t found out anything new about the spy. After what happened to Ashdown, things have settled back down in the castle. Though we haven’t lifted our restrictions, so I am still staying in Remy’s room with him and Logan. Nothing else has happened in our castle, but we aren’t taking the chance by calming down.

If we haven’t found the murderer before you are healed, we might be able to get your father and Remy to agree for a visit to have you come to Picais as part of the trade agreements. From there, we could work to solve this together.

However, I have started to figure out more about my family and my magic through my father’s entries. It has become much easier for me to levitate objects by following the tips my father noted down and practicing on smaller objects like books. The journal said I was starting to manipulate the shadows around me with my Baba’s help. I haven’t figured out how to do that yet, but I’ve been trying. I’ll write to you about it when I figure it out.

Besides trying to figure out my powers and if the murder is even related to a spy, I’ve been spending more time with Remy. I have to admit I like having a brother, which is a huge improvement from when he first arrived in Sandres, when I wanted nothing to do with him. Sometimes, it makes me wonder what my life would have been like if the Dragon Witch never attacked…. Not that I regret knowing you. Maybe we would’ve met as children.

It’s far too late to think about that, but we still have time to think about what the future will bring.

Your Friend,

Virgil

-

Dear Virgil,

I’ve asked my father about going to Picais to secure the trade agreement myself, once I am healed. He was concerned with my safety, but I believe I could convince him if King Remington suggested something similar to him.

I have progressed to walking for short bouts, so I might be able to come by the time I receive your reply. I’m hoping so at least. I could be wrong, but I might be able to use the carriage journey from Sandres to Picais to convince my father I will have enough rest to come.

Either way, I know my father will want me accompanied by a guard or a servant…. And I think I could convince my father to go without Patton’s cooking for a few weeks. I would never put your dad in danger, and even if he were to come, I would have guards with me to protect us on our journey. If you think it is too dangerous, I would come alone with the guards.

And even if I do not get to see you for a while, I’m happy for you. When we found out who you were, I will admit I was selfish in my reaction and it nearly cost me my friendship with you. You don’t need to feel guilty about finding yourself or how you feel in Picais. We can’t change the past, but we can write our future however we want, and if for you that means living in Picais, it’s okay.

Yours Your Friend,

Roman

-

Dear Roman,

Thank you, Roman. It means a lot to me to hear you validate what I’m going through right now. Neither of us was fair to the other, and we both took it too far. We’re still friends and that’s what matters to me now. We’re going to be okay.

It is dangerous to come, but if you feel ready, I would like to see you again…. And my dad. I miss you both a lot. For the longest time, I only had you and dad, and it is strange to be without you. I’m close with my brother now, but I miss having my best friend around to tease and my dad around to talk, too.

Now if you show up weak and unable to stand, I’m going to make you go on bedrest and write to your father about it. Not because I’m upset with you, but because I would be furious at him for sending his son away while he was still injured and hurt.

I’ve had Remy write to your father to convince him of the idea, and I hope it works out in our favor. I can’t wait to see you, Roman.

Your Friend,

Virgil

-

Dearest Virgil,

My father received the letter from King Remington, and he has agreed to let me go to Picais with a group of guards and your dad. We will depart after my final check up with Gaius, just in case Gaius thinks travel will be too demanding on me right now.

I have started to walk around the castle with much more ease than when we first started to write to each other. I know I don’t need to be a hero, but it is a great relief to be mobile again. To feel like I could at least run if I were in trouble, if I’m unable to try to fight.

I will be packing my belongings with Joyle shortly. And helping your dad figure out what he needs to bring on this trip. When I told him of our plan, he was overjoyed. Have you been writing to him? I know there is a lot going on but if you get the scolding of a lifetime for forgetting to write your dad, it’s not on me. I’m warning you now.

I’ll see you soon, Virgil.

Your Friend,

Roman

[makomori]

SIX | CONSIDERATIONS

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI x OC

Nishimura Yua has to take her nephew to his first rep practice with the Tohoku Tigers at Shiratorizawa Academy. Ushijima Wakatoshi is filling in for the assistant coach on said team.

She’s recovering from a nasty breakup and he’s reeling from a stunning finals loss against the Jackals.

Yua’s drawn to his composure and honesty.

Wakatoshi finds her warmth and tenacity intriguing.

It’s the start of a Brand New Story; can they heal from past hurts and endure new challenges in order to help each other trust and love again?

CHAPTERS

ONE | NEW TERRITORY

TWO | FAMILIARITY

THREE | INTRODUCTIONS

FOUR | OBSERVATIONS

FIVE | THE OFFER

Length: 4.1k words

Wakatoshi finally has dinner with his mom after ignoring her for almost a month. Will he make it through the appetizers without getting lectured?

That's the problem with being the strong one. No one offers you a hand.

Wakatoshi knew he was in trouble.

When he called his mom to ask if he could take her out to Fuki Sushi, she answered with a suspiciously cheerful, "Absolutely; I'll meet you at 8 PM on Wednesday."

He hadn't spoken to her in almost a month— not since the day the Adlers lost to the Jackals. The nervousness he felt made the 15-minute drive feel three times longer. When he arrived, she was already comfortably seated in one of the booths. He hesitated. Her dark gray eyes narrowed when she spotted him.

Yeah, he was in trouble.

She sipped on her water while he settled into the booth. Most places weren't built to accommodate someone as tall as he was, but this was one of the few restaurants that wasn't too bad. He could sit without having to fold himself completely in half. His knees didn't bang into the table either. When he finally looked at his mom, her expression was unreadable.

Ushijima Izanami's dark brown hair was set it its usual immaculate bob. The sharp angles of her hair were reflected in her cheekbones, brows, and eyes. Wakatoshi felt like he was in one of her business meetings. She was the current head of the prominent Ushijima household, and a formidable negotiator. He swallowed. There was no use in prolonging the unavoidable.

"Okaa-san," he began cautiously. "It's good to see you."

Her expression remained inscrutable, and he fought the urge to fidget.

She then folded her hands on top of the glossy menu. When she spoke, her tone was clipped. "Is that all you have to say? 'It's good to see you?'"

He opened his mouth to apologize, but she didn't give him a chance to speak. "Mom—"

"You haven't called in a month."

(He thought about telling her that it's been more like three weeks but thought better of it when he saw the warning look in her eyes.)

She lifted one elegant finger and wagged it in his face. "And you've been ignoring my texts." Another finger joined the guilt trip. "Your dad called, too," she huffed. "He was worried."

Guilt wormed its way into his gut. He had spoken to his dad after the finals. However, the disappointment of his performance still weighed heavily on his mind, so their conversation was brief.

"Oto-san called you. Really?"

"Twice last week." She flipped the menu up and scanned over the appetizers. At least she was still talking to him. It would've been worse if she were giving him the Ushijima silent treatment, which started with a hard stare and ended with a demoralizing statement. He had often been accused of dividing people with his honesty, but he learned from the best.

"How is he?"

"He sounded tired. But he did say that his team is one win away from making the playoffs, so I'm sure he's been busy." Her eyes softened as she tried to hide her smile, but Wakatoshi saw it even in the dimmed atmosphere. It seemed like she had enjoyed speaking to her ex-husband. He made sure to file that away for future use.

"I promise to call him." He missed his dad. Looking back on it now, he's one of the few people who would've understood what he was going through. He'd apologize for his selfishness tomorrow. Right now, he had to put his mom at ease.

"Mom?" He pulled the menu away and gripped her hands gently. "I'm sorry."

She returned his gesture with an assuring squeeze. "I know," she sighed. "I was just worried. Both of us were."

Wakatoshi smiled gently. She had a soft heart beneath that tough exterior. "Moms worry a lot."

She quirked a brow at him. "Because they have stubborn sons."

"Where do you think they learn that from?" He pretended to duck when she swiped at him playfully.

"Don't push it, Toshi."

Okaa-san and obaasan were the only ones who called him that, and it was only when they were truly irritated with him. He felt like he was 10 years-old again and being scolded for taking too many candies from the jar, but he didn't mind. He puffed his bottom lip out and looked at her earnestly.

"Oh, stop it," she sniffed. "I can't stay mad when you do that."

Wakatoshi chuckled. At least he knew he could pull that out as a last resort against her. "I still can't believe that works."

"It won't next time," she threatened. The laughter in her voice told them both that wouldn't be the case. After looking over the menu, they called the waiter over and ordered three servings of the assorted sashimi platter. His mom initially fussed and said that it was too much food, but he assured her that he'd eat what she couldn't finish.

"Will you be home until the season starts?" She sounded hopeful; he didn't get to spend much time in Sendai during last year's off season.

"Yes. I won't be moving back to Oita until the end of September." He was on the road often for away games, but even then— Oita was nine hours south by train. When he wanted to visit, he opted to fly since it was only a three-hour trip. "And Saitou-sensei asked me to help coach a local rep team."

Izanami looked at him in surprise. "Coach?" She echoed.

He nodded. The timing worked out almost perfectly. The V.League season started in October and the rep season would be well into the playoff bracket. The schedules would overlap at some point, and the other assistant coach would be able to take care of things if he were away, but he would do his best to accommodate both. The Tigers had the talent to win, so he hoped they'd make it to the end.

"I've always liked Saitou-san," his mom praised. "He complimented Washijou-sensei's style."

"He was certainly the voice of reason among the two of them." Saitou-sensei tempered the Demon Coach's hardline way of teaching. Their combination of tough love and positive reinforcement was proven to produce championship teams.

"I thought you weren't going to think about coaching until the end of your career."

"I thought so as well," he murmured. "But I couldn't say no to sensei." Indeed, many people found it hard to say no to sensei simply because he was so earnest and passionate about whatever task he set his mind to.

Izanami smiled. "You'll be in your thirties before you know it. Thinking about the future is never a bad thing."

Wakatoshi rubbed the back of his neck. Mom was right; he'd be turning twenty-six in August. He'd always known that playing at this level wasn't something he could do indefinitely. Anyone who played professionally only had a small window to maximize their youth and talents before their bodies eventually started to slow down.

"Losing the finals made me consider a few things." His mom didn't force an answer from him when he paused, as she understood that it wasn't always easy for him to express how he was feeling. "I took the loss harder than I had anticipated. I let my team down." He frowned; embarrassment and remorse laced his tone. "That's why I haven't visited. Or answered your messages. I was disappointed in myself. I needed time to understand how I was feeling."

Izanami's heart ached for her son. Even now, expression was contemplative as he rubbed the pad of his right thumb back and forth along the table's polished surface. The Ushijimas were one of the oldest families in Sendai, having been a part of the ruling class during the Edo period. Along with their reputation for philanthropy, they were heavily involved with many businesses within the city.

For better or worse, they were in the public eye.

Over the years, excellence became synonymous with their name. The pressure could be unbearable at times. That's what drew her to Utsui when they first met; he was free from expectations and it showed in the ease with which he carried himself. She hoped that sense of freedom would rub off on herself and their son, but life had different paths in mind for their family.

Neither of them was faultless in the events that led to their eventual divorce, but she regretted that Utsui didn't have the chance to have a say in how his son was raised. Izanami lived with that regret for years, but she slowly began to grasp that the future didn't have to be like the past. When she placed her hand over her son's, and he looked up at her curiously.

"Wakatoshi— any person would be disappointed after a loss like that. You're human. But our family has always been in the public eye. You've had to deal with pressure and expectations from a young age. And eyes are still on you in that career that you've chosen. You've never complained once. You've worked hard and excelled at everything you decided to try. I couldn't have asked for a better son."

A soft smile crinkled the corners of her eyes. She had little trouble raising Wakatoshi; most of his time was spent studying or playing volleyball. When he first started playing, she often wondered what drove him to practice and play so diligently. But she realized that it was his way of staying connected to Utsui. Despite not being present physically, he was still an influential part of their son's life.

Izanami shook her head. "In hindsight, there was no room at home for you to express any frustration; I should have done a better job at providing a space for that. I'm sorry you felt like you had to go through this loss alone."

Wakatoshi couldn't help his bewildered expression. The last thing he expected from his mom was an apology. If anything, he was the one who needed to apologize for his selfish conduct. He couldn't remember the last time mom had spoken with him like this. Her unwavering work ethic and loyalty were things he always admired about her. She was frightening to everyone outside their family. But he had always been aware of her softer side; she loved deeper than anyone he knew.

Another gentle squeeze from her pulled him out of his thoughts. "I'm getting older, too," she teased. "I've had time to consider some things as well. Please, come to me if you feel like that again. I might not be able to fix all your problems, but I'll do what I can to help."

Wakatoshi was silent as he tried to process what she was offering. He needed people like his mom and sensei in his life to help him understand that he wasn't meant to do everything on his own. He learned confidence and discipline from observing and listening to her throughout the years.

When he searched her face, he suddenly saw the fine lines around her eyes and mouth, along with the strength that still shone vibrantly in her eyes. They were a testament to the life she had led. Being a single mom was difficult. People either looked at you with pity or loathing. She shouldered that negativity and protected him from it so he could live his life without having to worry about what everyone else thought. He owed her everything.

"I will mom— thank you."

She gripped his hand firmly and nodded. Those two words were genuine. They had never needed to say too much to each other to come to an understanding. The reality was that they wouldn't get to spend as much time together as they used to. That was part of the reason why she was upset with him not communicating or visiting. He was living his own life and making something of himself in this world, and she couldn't be happier for him. They would just have to be more mindful about making time for each other in the future.

"So, are you enjoying coaching?"

Wakatoshi grinned and nodded. "I wasn't sure if I would be good at it, but the first practice went well. The team is incredibly talented."

"Excellent," she stated. "You sound excited about them. I've always thought that you'd be able to use your instinct when you started coaching."

He tilted his head. That was interesting. "Why do you think that?"

Izanami folded her arms. "You have a unique perspective as a top player. Yes, most coaches are former players, but not all of them played at the level you're at now. You'll be able to connect with your students personally because you've been in their position. But I think you'll also find a way to explain the thought process behind your talent."

Wakatoshi mirrored her and folded his arms. The reasoning behind her explanation was solid. "I've always been told that I'm unnaturally talented at volleyball."

His mom laughed. "That would be an understatement, my dear."

"I think it's a combination of dad's talent and your discipline." He said after a few moments. His eyes warmed and his voice was gentle. "I wouldn't where I am now if it wasn't for the two of you."

Izanami's breath caught in her throat. She felt guilty for so long about the way her marriage ended with Utsui. He loved her enough to marry into a family that was the opposite of who he was as an individual. But in the end, she couldn't protect him from her family's expectations and strictness. She knew Wakatoshi wasn't resentful about not having Utsui in his life, but she still carried that responsibility with her. Hearing him say that they were able to accomplish something positive in his life despite their divorce— that was enough for her to let go of that weight.

"Wakatoshi that's— I've never thought of it that way. You were so happy every time you played with your dad. I knew that you'd do well in volleyball from the start." She rubbed at the corners of her eyes to stop herself from getting too emotional. "And I didn't understand it at the time, but he was correct in protecting your left hand. You were able to stand out and excel because of his decision."

Wakatoshi agreed. Being different had always been his best weapon. "I'm grateful. Not everyone is able to choose a career they love."

"That's very true." She gave him a pointed look before she spoke again. "But please do everything you can to stay healthy. You're not getting any younger."

He was fortunate that he hadn't suffered any serious injuries since he start playing in elementary school. He couldn't bear the thought of sitting on the sidelines. "Always. Injuries mean that I won't be able to play, and that's unacceptable."

"Good. I'm glad we're on the same page. Otherwise I'll start worrying again."

"Worrying is a part of your job," he joked. "But I should've spoken with you sooner. I truly am sorry."

Izanami shook her head and waved him off. "I am, too. We'll be learning more about each other as we go along. But it's good to have you home."

They were starving when the sashimi arrived. Mom helped negotiate a better lease with Fukase-san's landlord, so he always wanted to give her free food whenever she ate there. But she was stubborn and insisted on paying because she wanted to support his restaurant in whatever way she could. It was good he wasn't working tonight because the two of them usually got into an argument over comping her meal.

When Izanami updated him on what was happening with obaasan, he remembered the Boswellia supplements sensei gave to him at the end of practice on Saturday. "Could you give these to obaasan? Sensei said it might help with her arthritis."

She took the pills and stashed them away in her purse. "You need to come to the house and convince her to take her medication consistently." He tried not to laugh at her exasperated tone. "She barely listens to me anymore. And then she complains that everything hurts too much. But I'm sure she'll do anything for her grandson."

Wakatoshi smiled at the image of mom and obaasan clashing over this. She was even more stubborn than her daughter. "In that case, I think these might help." He pulled out two bags of sweet and sour Hi-Chews from his coat pocket. "Tell her it's from me. Maybe then she'll feel better about taking her medicine."

"You have a good heart, Wakatoshi," she said with affection. "That's one of the first things I noticed about your dad. He was always helping people in some way."

During the few times they went out as a family, dad usually ended up helping people carry their groceries or helping older ladies across the street; there was something universally appealing about his kindness.

"He said he never understood how people think you're intimidating or unapproachable," his mom continued. Then she sighed. "But that's an Ushijima trait."

"Yua-san said something similar." The back of his neck warmed when he remembered how shocked he felt when she described him as sweet.

"Yua-san?"

"Our team manager," he clarified. "When I met her last week, she said I was sweet."

Izanami's eyes flickered with curiosity. Any mention of a woman in her son's life was always interesting, especially now that he was older. She hadn't been impressed with his last two girlfriends, and she didn't say that out of spite. They were only interested in Wakatoshi's looks, not who he was as a man.

"Her nephew is one of my students. I helped him understand that losing isn't always a bad thing." Wakatoshi continued, unaware of his mom's protective thoughts. "I've never seen anyone react so positively to something I had to say."

Izanami leaned back against the booth. She liked what she heard so far. "Yua-san is a wise woman. There's always more to a person than what they present on the surface. But not everyone is willing or able to take the time to know someone on that level."

Wakatoshi nodded. "Still— she surprised me. No one has ever described me as sweet."

"Like I said, she sounds wise," Izanami mused. "Unlike that last woman you dated. What was her name again? Aoi-san?"

He nearly groaned. He hoped his ex-girlfriend wouldn't come up during their dinner. Or at all. "I'm surprised you remembered her name. You and obaasan took an instant dislike to her."

His mom rolled her eyes and scoffed. "Well, we weren't wrong. She was only interested in your looks. No wonder you two lasted only lasted three months."

"Okaa-san." He admonished. She was unfazed by his warning and gave a look that dared him to oppose her. "The season was grueling last year. I couldn't give her the attention she deserved."

Izanami leaned forward. He did not just try to justify her actions. "You mean the attention she thought she deserved. You said to me several times you felt that you were the only one contributing to the relationship. I heard you say never heard you say once that she reciprocated your actions."

Wakatoshi stared at her. His mouth gaped slightly when the truth of her words finally hit him. In the end, Aoi only wanted to talk about him when it was beneficial for her. She was only interested in flaunting that he was superstar player in the V.League. The fact that they were constantly travelling for work didn't help either. She was a rising model and had an even more hectic schedule than he did. And when they did finally get together, he was usually tired from training or playing games. She was always rearing to go out while he just wanted to rest.

When he looked back his mom, fury was written on her face, but it dissipated after a few seconds. "Forgive me," she said on an exhale. "You're a grown man now, but you're also my son. It's hard not to get emotional about your relationships."

"I understand," he soothed. "You worry because you love me. You're right. Our relationship was shallow. And it was bound to end with how frantic our schedules were."

"Well," Izanami huffed. "I'm hardly qualified to give you relationship advice considering how things ended up with your dad. But I can sniff out a shameless social climber from a mile away."

"I'll keep that in mind." It was his turn to sigh. "But my schedule doesn't seem to be compatible with dating since I'm on the road often." That was something he was concerned about as well. Depending on how his career went, he could end up playing for volleyball leagues in different countries. His family would have to relocate with him when the time came. Being married to a professional athlete wasn't going to be easy.

"That's not true," his mom said declared. "If you're interested in someone, you'll make time for them. You just haven't found the right woman yet."

Wakatoshi shook his head. "There's also that to consider. I don't know what the right woman looks like." That's not true, either. An image of Yua-san and her bright smile flashed in his mind while the intense feeling of their connection snaked up his arm. He could say with certainty that he hadn't felt this way with Aoi or anyone else.

"All you need to do is look out for one thing."

A knowing smile graced her lips. That usually didn't bode well for him. He was hesitant to ask, but he was also willing to take any advice when it came to this area of his life.

"And what is that?"

"Look out for the woman who becomes more important than volleyball."

Wakatoshi blinked. More important than volleyball? It was a part of who he was. Could it be that easy to find such a woman? He rubbed the back of his neck again. "With the way my life is going right now, I don't think she'll show up anytime soon."

Izanami laughed. Now that the challenge was out in the open, it would be interesting to see how things would turn out. "Be careful what you say, Wakatoshi. The universe just might take you up on that."

An hour later they pulled into the Ushijima ancestral manor's expansive driveway. Nothing had changed since his last visit, and he doubted that anything would. This was his childhood home, but he wasn't sure he wanted to raise his own children here. Anyway, he was getting ahead of himself. He opened the car door for his mom and helped her out.

They chatted comfortably until they reached the front door. Wakatoshi wasn't prepared for the warm, giant hug his mom gave him. She was shorter than Yua-san, so he took care not to crush her when he hugged her back. After pulling away, she straightened the patted down the non-existent wrinkles in his overcoat. He grinned. She would always see him as her little boy in some way.

"Please don't be a stranger to your own mother," she scolded lightly.

He tapped his chin. "I can't make any promises now that I'm a coach. The season is going to be terribly busy."

Izanami raised her brows. "I'm sure Saitou-san would agree that your family takes priority," she said dryly. "And you're lucky obaasan sleeps early now. Otherwise I'd make you come in and say hello. You know she loves telling stories."

Wakatoshi grimaced. "Then I'd be obligated to sleepover."

"You can do that next time," she promised. She slid the front door open and moved to go in but paused and turned to face him again. "You're always welcome to come home. Thank you for dinner. It was lovely."

"It was the least I could do. Oyasumi."

Wakatoshi walked back to his car after he made sure she was inside. The drive this time was peaceful. Okaa-san was right.

It was good to be home.

[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Don’t Live Forever - Chapter Thirteen

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!reader

Warnings: mentions cancer and depression

Authors Note: only about three chapters or so left in this. I hope everyone has enjoyed it so far

Masterlist

You woke up when bright lights began to penetrate your eyelids. You raised a hand to shield your eyes from the light and slowly opened them. You saw nothing but pure white walls that seemed to go on forever. You were slowly regaining feeling in your body as your eyes adjusted to the lights.

“My leg!” You gasped and looked down at your previously broken leg. It was fully healed, as were the rest of your injuries. You didn’t feel any pain anymore.

“Where are we?” You asked out loud. For the first time in a year, you got no response.

“Venom?” You asked again. She always answered. You were beginning to worry.

“Venom whats going on?” You asked. Still no answer. You tried to turn into Venom but nothing happened. You felt white hot fear shoot through your body.

“Y/n?”

You whipped around and saw her. Mary. Your beautiful sister that you hadn’t seen in two years. Only, she didn’t look the way you remembered her. She looked healthy. Her skin was glowing and had color to it again. She was thicker and looked stronger. And her hair. She actually had hair. And not just that but she had eyelashes, eyebrows, and a full head of hair. It came down to her collarbone and shone in the lights.

“Mary?” You said in disbelief. A happy smile broke out on your face and you wasted no time in running to her. She ran to you and met you in the middle of the room. You swept her off her feet and spun her around. She laughed in your ear. You hadn’t heard that laugh in years. You hugged her as tightly as you could for three minutes straight.

“What are you doing here? Where are we? Where’s Venom?” You asked all in one breath. Mary laughed at your series of questions.

“Slow down. We’re in the Waiting Place. I’m here because you’re here. I was elected to guide you. And Venom is back in the Living Place with Peter.” Mary answered your questions, but only managed to leave you with more.

“The Waiting Place?” You asked for clarification. You’d never heard that term before.

“It’s where you go when you have to make The Decision.” Mary said simply. You furrowed your eyebrows.

“The Decision?” You felt dumb asking all these questions but you had no idea what she was talking about.

“It’s when you decide to go back to the Living Place or up to the Resting Place.”

“Is that where you went? The Resting Place?” You asked. You had always called it Heaven.

Mary nodded as if this was all completely normal. You figured after two years of being up here, it might’ve been normal for her

“So there’s no Heaven and Hell?” You said. You tried to mask the disappointment in your voice. This was a lot to take in and it wasn’t at all what you were expecting. You always had a specific image in your head of what Heaven looked like since you were a child. An empty white room wasn’t it.

“Not exactly. But if you believe there is, then there is. The Resting Place is Heaven for people who don’t believe in Heaven. Some people aren’t religious and don’t believe in Heaven or Hell. I know it’s confusing. I was confused at first too. You’ll get used to it. That is, if you stay.” Mary informed you. You processed her words.

“Isn’t the Living Place just Earth?” You asked. You felt silly calling it “the Living Place” when you’d called it Earth all your life.

“Earth is in the Living Place, yes. But not every living creature lives on Earth. Like Venom, for example. Venom was still in the Living Place when she was on Klyntar.” Mary explained. It made a little more sense to you

“How do you know about Venom? Can you see me from heav-, uh, the Resting Place?” You wondered. You hoped she could see you. Just not all the time.

“Sometimes. When you pray I can see you. Or when you’re really struggling and need guidance. But the voicemails you leave me are what told me about Venom. You called me the night you first bonded with her and told me all about it. You wouldn’t believe how shocked mom and I were to hear you were infected with an alien.” Mary laughed at the memory. You felt a twinge if pain upon hearing Venoms name. You didn’t like being separated from her. You felt incomplete.

“Symbiote.” You corrected. “Venom is a Symbiote, not an alien.”

“Right. Sorry. Symbiote.” Mary nodded.

“Mom.” You realized what she had said earlier. Your heart filled with hope. “Moms here?”

“Moms in the Resting Place.” Mary pointed up. “She was the one who helped me make The Decision.”

“Everyone has to make The Decision?” You asked. You wished there was a pamphlet or something to explain everything.

“No. Not everyone.” Mary answered. Great. More questions to ask.

“Who has to? Why do I have to?” You asked her.

“The way it works is that when you die, God, or whatever higher power you believe in, decides whether or not your time in the Living Place was up. If God can’t decide, you have to decide for yourself. Hence, The Decision. Usually only people who died abruptly or out of nowhere have to make it.”

“How does God know if you were ready or not?” You asked.

“It’s all determined by a scale. The Resting Place is on one end of the scale and the Living Place is on the other. Now that you’re dead, you have to decide which scale is heavier for you. The heavier one is the one you go to. I’m here to guide you when you make The Decision, just like mom guided me.” Mary explained. You wondered if she was getting tired of your questions.

“I died?” You whispered. You didn’t really remember anything from that day. Mary nodded sadly.

“You died when you gave Venom to Peter.” She said softly. Brief flashbacks of the fight played in your mind.

“Oh, right.” You thought for a moment. “Why doesn’t everyone just chose to come back to life?”

“Because the Resting Place is eternal paradise.” Mary laughed happily. “You’re free from anything that could ever harm you. You get to spend the rest of your days with the people you love who you don’t get to see in the Living Place. Most people chose to come here. It’s too beautiful to resist.” She smiled. You felt uneasy at her answer. Sure, you had wanted to died plenty of times in your life. But not anymore. And certainly not now. And did you ever really want to do it? Wasn’t every day you got to live worth it? You didn’t want to die. Not anytime soon. You felt like crying.

“So you made The Decision and you chose to die?” You asked quietly, not trusting your voice. You felt upset and confused and just wanted to be in Peters bed while he talked about some really old movie.

“No, I chose to rest. Like I said, it’s a scale. Your guide shows you what’s on both ends of the scale. The Resting Place had mom, eternal life, and you never needed anything. You were never hungry or poor and sad. And you certainly don’t have cancer. And the Living Place just had-“

“Me.” You cut her off. “It just had me.”

“It’s nothing personal, Y/n. I didn’t want to suffer anymore. I wanted to be with mom and live a life without doctors appointments and chemotherapy. You have to understand how hard I had it in the Living Place.” Mary pleaded with you. She gently took your hands in hers.

“Earth. Just call it earth! And you think I don’t know you had it hard while you were alive? I was by your side from the moment you got sick to the moment you died.” You shouted, surely angry. You ripped your hands from hers. You didn’t want to be here anymore. You wanted to go home.

“I know you were. And I love you for that. But I couldn’t do it anymore, Y/n. I had to let go. Holding on hurt too much. I didn’t want to hurt anymore.” Mary defended herself, but not angrily. She was like that. She never resulted to anger. You couldn’t say the same for yourself.

“So instead you leave me behind? Alone?” You cried. You hated to yell at her but you were feeling every emotion at once and it had to come out.

“You weren’t alone. You had dad.” Mary reasoned.

“No I didn’t.” You let out a bitter laugh. “I never had dad. I had you. That’s it.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way but there’s no use getting upset over it now. Once you make The Decision it’s final.” Mary said sadly. You knew she was sorry from her tone of voice. You really wished you didn’t feel the way you did. She wasn’t selfish for making her decision. She just wanted to be healthy and you couldn’t be angry at her when you had been healthy your whole life. You didn’t say any of that to her though. You just looked down sadly

“You have to understand, it was the hardest decision I ever made. You think I wanted to leave you behind? I wanted to watch you grow and try new things. I hated myself for the longest time afterwards.” Mary said honestly. Your eyes welled with tears.

“What was on your scale?” You croaked. You were desperate to change the subject.

“On the Living Place side it was you, dad, my friends, and life itself. And for the Resting Place side it was mom and freedom from cancer. It wasn’t easy but I’m happy with my choice. I don’t have to suffer anymore. I just hate that I had to leave you behind. I’m sorry.” Mary said. You looked up at her finally. She had an apologetic look in her eyes.

“No. I’m sorry. I can’t be mad at you for what you chose. It’s your decision. Not mine. I’m sorry I got mad at you. I just really really miss you. Every day.” You apologized. Mary gave you a warm smile.

“I miss you too. Mom and I read your articles all the time.” She said, also happy to change the subject.

“How?”

“Well I used to leave the articles you wrote in the school newspaper on moms grave. After I died, Dad would wrap flowers in newspaper and leave them on my grave. My little sister is just so talented that those newspapers usually always had an article you wrote.” She explained.

“You can actually receive things that are left on your grave?” You asked incredulously.

“Of course. I kept everything you ever left. Even the gummy worms you dropped on my grave that one time.” She giggled. Your cheeks heated up.

“Oh. Sorry about that. Don’t the flowers wilt though?” You wondered.

“Nope. Nothing in the Resting Place dies.” She said proudly. “There’s no death or decay or pain. It’s beautiful, Y/n. I truly hope you come with me. You’ll be happy here. And I know how long it’s been since you were happy.” Mary rushed to you and took your hands in hers. They didn’t feel the way they used to. They were warm when they were usually cold to the touch. “There’s no depression in the Resting Place. There’s no one to break your heart. No aliens. No mean fathers. No Cartlon Drake or Cletus Kasady. Absolutely nothing but love and happiness. And it’s forever! Won’t you come with me?”

“So you’re on my scale?” You asked. You mulled her offer over in your mind. It was a lot to consider.

“Yes. And mom.” Mary answered.

“And Peter and Venom are on the other side of the scale?” You figured.

“Yes.” She said quietly.

“How long to I have to decide?”

“The concept of time doesn’t really exist here. That’s why I’m still the age I was when I died.” Mary said.

“Okay.” You nodded. That helped. No time pressure.

“Okay. So essentially I just have to choose between you and Peter? Between my sister and my boyfriend?” You asked Mary.

“I guess so. You can take your time.” She reminded.

“I don’t need to. I made my decision.” You stated.

“What? That quickly?” She asked in shock. “It took me forever.”

“I choose me. I choose to live my life. I fought for happiness for so long and I finally have it. And I don’t just mean with Peter. Im happy with myself and who I am. And believe me, I love you and I miss you everyday, but my place isn’t here with you. I have so much to live for in the Living Place. I’m not going to pick between you and Peter. I pick myself. I choose me.” You said confidently. For once, you had to come first.

Mary looked at you with a proud look. You were confused since you thought she wanted you to pick her.

“I have watched you struggle with self love and happiness since long before I died. That is the absolute right answer. I love you. I’m glad you finally love you too.” Mary said. She pulled you into a tight hug and you hugged her back in disbelief. You suddenly felt yourself being pulled forward before stopping abruptly. You found yourself in front of a door. You pushed it open and walked into your old apartment, the one you shared with Andy. Speak of the devil...

“Hi babe.” Andy chirped. He kissed your lips as he passed you. You immediately touched your fingertips to your lips. You hadn’t kissed him in so long. He was once your fiancée but now he felt more like a stranger.

“Hi.” You said wearily. It came out as more of a question.

“You ready?” He asked as he tossed you your shirt. You caught it clumsily and looked at it. It was a button down that you wore for important events.

“Ready for what?” You asked.

“Isn’t your interview with Carlton Drake today? To talk about his rocket?” Andy questioned.

“My interview?”

“Yep. So are you gonna do it?” Andy took a seat and looked at you expectantly.

“Do what?” You asked.

“Choose me.” He said simply.

“Choose you? No. I would never choose you. What’s going on?”

Andy’s face fell and a wall dropped down in front of you, between you and him. You slammed your hands on the wall in frustration and another door appeared. You opened the door and walked into your childhood home.

“Do you have any laundry?” Mary came around a corner with a laundry basket on her hip.

“Laundry?” You said stupidly.

“Yea I’m doing a load. Hey, are you gonna choose me?” She asked.

“I…what? I just told you, no.” You said, a little annoyed. You had no idea what was happening.

“Oh.” She said disappointedly. She kept walking and went through her bedroom door. You ran after her but when you went through the door, you found yourself in Peters bedroom. He came in and closed the door behind him.

“Hey beautiful. Have you seen my-“

“I choose you.” You interrupted. Peter looked at you quizzically.

“Sorry what?” He asked.

“Without question or hesitation or doubt or however the hell that quote goes. I choose you Peter. You over everything else. No matter what, I will find you and I will choose you. If that was even your question.” You blurted.

“It was.” He said. He put his hands in his hips, an odd position for Peter, and looked at you. “You gave Venom to me. Why?”

“Because you were dying.” You said as if it were obvious. To you, it was.

“So were you.” Peter bargained.

“Your life matters more.” You stated, surprising yourself on how quickly you answered.

“Avengers don’t trade lives.” Peter said firmly.

“I’m no Avenger. What good have I done in the world? I saved San Francisco from one guy with a rocket and I think of myself as some kind of hero? You said it yourself Peter. I will never be the hero. I will always be the monster. And the monster always has to die at the end of the story.” You felt like crying again. You just wanted to go home.

“Who’s writing this story?” Peter asked you.

“Me. I write the stories.” You were definitely annoyed now. “Why is everyone asking me stupid questions? Are you all on crack. Oh my God, am I on crack?” You wondered. Something weird was going on.

“So why did you give Venom to me? Why not write a happier ending?” Peter questioned.

“Because.” You said dumbly. You didn’t even know the answer.

“Because?” He repeated.

“Because! Because I was dying! Venom couldn’t heal me and we both knew it. She’d die if I died. So I gave her to you. If you were her host then she could heal you and survive at the same time. I took myself out of the equation. I made the decision. That’s how I chose to end my story. Are you happy now?” You confessed in an angry shout. You never wanted to raise your voice at Peter but you didn’t like everyone poking around in your head.

“So you chose to die?” Peter asked. All his questions came out in a way that sounded like he damn well knew the answer.

“I chose save you and Venom.” You answered for what felt like the millionth time.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” You grumbled.

“Yes you do. Why?” He said again.

“I said I don’t know.” You yelled.

“Bullshit!” He yelled. Peter never raised his voice at you. This wasn’t your Peter.

“Because I’d rather die than lose you! Either of you. You and Venom mean more to be than anything else ever has. Nothing compares to you. So I gave myself up so in order for you to live. That’s why.” You yelled at him. He looked satisfied with your answer.

“I know.” Peter said smugly.

“You know? Then why did you ask?” You we’re beyond frustrated at that point.

“Because you didn’t know. You think you chose me.” Peter laughed.

“I did chose you.” You argued.

“No. You didn’t.” Peter stated.

“Then who did I chose?” You said angrily. You knew you chose Peter. You just wanted this trip to be over. Your head was splitting.

“Us.” Venoms voice came into your head. You turned to the mirror and saw Venom looking back at you. The background melted away to a black room with just a mirror.

“You chose us. You sacrificed yourself to save someone else. Do you know what that makes you?” Venom asked you.

“Stupid?” You said sarcastically.

“A hero.” Venom replied. You rolled your eyes.

“I will never be the hero. Peter nearly died because of me. And he would’ve died if it weren’t for you. I’m the one who put him in danger. Me. I’m a monster.” You responded. You looked down at the floor so she wouldn’t see you cry.

“Not all monsters do monstrous things.” Venom reminded you.

You looked at Venom and saw Mary instead.

“My sister is not a monster.” Mary said proudly. You gave her a tearful smile.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let you down. I was supposed to live one life for the two of us after you died. But I didn’t. I wasted away until I died on a sidewalk, all alone. I should’ve done better. I’m sorry.” You cried. Mary wrapped you in a comforting embrace.

“But you didn’t let me down. You made me and mom very proud of you. You saved Peter and Venoms life. You’re not a monster. You have never been a monster.” Mary assured you. You sniffled and wiped your eyes.

“Do you really believe that?” You asked her.

“I do.” Mary answered honestly. “Now, you have to go back. Peter and Venom need you.”

“Where will you go?” You asked her, clutching her tightly so she didn’t disappear again.

“Back to the Resting Place.“ Mary answered.

“Will I see you again?” You asked.

“You know that place between sleep and awake? The place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I will always love you. That’s where I will be waiting.” Mary responded. You smiled.

“Hook. That was our favorite movie growing up.” You recognized the sweet quote.

“I got to meet Robbin Williams up here. He’s truly amazing. You’ll meet him someday. But it’s back to the Living Place for now.” Mary let you go and pushed you forward.

“How am I seeing all of this? Aren’t I dead?” You turned back and questioned.

“No. You’re just in such bad pain that you’re hallucinating. None of this actually happened.”

“What?” You gasped. How could it all be fake? It felt so real.

“I’m kidding. You’re just unconscious. Now go.” Mary laughed. You laughed back.

“I’ll miss you.” You called.

“And I’ll miss you.” She answered.

You gave her one final hug. Your vision began to blur again and the room faded back to black.

“I’ll be watching over you.” Mary’s voice said. It was the last thing you heard before you fell back to sleep.

You woke up with a jolt. You were still on the pavement outside of the Oscorp building. You heard the faint sounds of a commotion on the roof. Lots a roars. A few cackles here and there. You let out a huff of breath.

“This is for you, Robbin Williams.” You grunted. With great agony, you picked yourself up. Your hand was still broken but your leg had healed. You doubled tapped your chest and your suit formed around your body once again. You shot a web at the open wounds on your torso to cover them up. You shot another web at the building and swung on it until you reached the front. The doors were locked being as it was nighttime and no one was around. You looked at your reflection in the window and sighed.

“No fear.” You shouted as you head butted the window. It didn’t break but it did give you a throbbing headache. You groaned and shot a web at a dumpster and threw it through the window. The glass shattered all around you.

“That’ll work too.” You said. You climbed through the broken glass and limped over to the elevator. Every step you took brought on more pain but you were high on adrenaline. You got in the elevator and pressed the button for the roof. Cheesy elevator music filled your ears as you rode.

Meanwhile on the roof, Peter was putting up a second fight with Carnage. Venoms powers mixed with his Spider-Man powers gave him an advantage. He was stronger, bigger, and faster than ever before. Carnage was beginning to weaken.

“Y/n has been down there an awfully long time. I wonder what’s become of her.” Carnage sneered. Peter panicked instantly. He didn’t know how he bonded with Venom. All he knew is he was barely conscious on the sidewalk one minute and climbing the building as Venom the next. In the heat of the moment, he’d forgotten all about you.

“Where is she?” Peter demanded.

“I threw her off a while ago. Haven’t seen her since. Didn’t you tell me she and Venom would die if they were separated? I don’t know though. Venom seems fine to me.” Carnage taunted the boy.

“Venom, what happened? Where’s Y/n?” Peter asked the Symbiote desperately.

“You can’t stop fighting now. I’ll tell you about to later.” Venom answered, knowing Peter would drop everything and rush to your side if he knew the truth.

“I thought you only said “we”.” Peter wondered out loud.

“”We” is for me and Y/n only.” Venom said firmly. She missed you dearly. All she could do was hope you were still alive.

“Fair enough.” Peter answered.

Peter had been so caught up in his conversation with Venom that he didn’t notice Carnage charging at him. Carnage pulled at Venoms skin and successfully yanked her off of Peter. He threw Venom off into the distance and grabbed Peter by the neck.

“Don’t waste your time with the bitch. Who cares about Y/n? Girls are nothing but trouble. You’re better off if she’s dead. Women are good for absolutely nothing. All they do is bite your head off.” Carnage growled at Peter. Peter was wining and he was getting desperate.

Peter was about to jump to your defense and annihilate Carnage with an essays worth of reasons why women were amazing when he heard someone behind him clear their throat.

“He’s right Peter. Absolutely right.” You said suavely. You strutted over to Carnage and Peter, checking your nails as you walked. Peter looked at you with pride and then at Carnage with a look that said “you’re fucking finished.”

“And well,” you spread your arms out, “Ain’t I a woman?” You delivered.

Before Carnge could speak, Peter kicked him in the groin for the second time that evening. You took no time in grabbing Carnage and pulling him off Cletus. You shoved Cletus towards Peter and held Carnage up. He was defenseless in his goo state. You smiled wickedly as you transformed back into Venom. Then, you did just as you promised.

You bit his head off.

You chewed Carnage and swallowed him before tossing the rest of him in the fire. He burned up and dissolved into the fire.

You smiled proudly at your work but your smile quickly fell when you looked up and saw Cletus with a knife to Peters throat.

“Wait! Kill me too or I’ll slice his throat. Please! I can’t go back to prison.” Cletus begged.

“No Cletus. I’m not going to kill you. I would never hurt you.” You said cautiously as you slowly approached Cletus.

“We’re saving your life, idiot.” Peter sassed. Cletus tightened his grip and Peter yelped.

“Don’t! Life in prison isn’t living.” Cletus cried.

“Killing people isn’t living either. You have to stop this Cletus. We want to help you.” Peter interjected.

“Why? I don’t deserve your help. Did you ever see what Shelly looked like? If you weren’t my friend, you would’ve been my target.” Cletus shouted at you.

“You would never hurt me. I believe that. But you can’t hurt Peter either. Peter didn’t do anything to you. He didn’t laugh at you or reject you, right?” You tried to reason with Cletus and talk him down.

“You think you would’ve been spared? You wouldn’t. I’m a cold blooded killer baby. I’ll kill your boyfriend right now to prove it. You’d kill me if I did that, wouldn’t you? You’d eat me on the spot. I know you, Y/n. I know how you work. Carnage told me that Symbiotes mate for life. Well how about I kill your mate as you watch? Would you still try to save me? Huh, girl? Would you?” Cletus taunted you. You felt fear prickle the back of your neck.

“I couldn’t have pulled Carnage off of you as easily as I did if you didn’t try to let him go. You wanted to be free from him. It’s okay Cletus. You’re free now. Peter and I freed you. So don’t do anything stupid okay? Put the knife down. The police are on their way.” You tried again.

“They are? Why?” Peter asked. Of course he was opening dialogue while being threatened with a knife.

“Someone threw a dumpster through the window.” You answered him.

“Oh my God really? Who would do that?” Peter wondered.

“I have no idea.” You deadpanned.

“Please just kill me. I deserve it.” Cletus brought the attention back to himself.

“No one deserves it.” You shouted. Before Cletus could protest, something jumped of the fire and latched onto Peters leg. It was red and crispy. You knew you hadn’t succeeded in killing Carnage, but it was too late. Peter was yanked towards the roaring fire and you weren’t fast enough to get to him. Everything began to move in slow motion. Peters body flew through the air like a rag doll. You began to run to him but you knew you’d never make it it time. Peter let out a frightened scream and your heart broke in your chest. Then, out of nowhere, Cletus jumped towards Peter and grabbed Carnage. They both tumbled into the fire. You heard the screams from Cletus and Carnage as they burned together. You ran to Peter and helped him up, both of your eyes trained on the fire.

“Is he-“ you began.

“He saved me.” Peter gasped.

“Are they dead?” You wondered out loud.

“Karen, extinguisher.” Peter called.

The spider on Peters chest came off and hovered over the fire. A white substance shot out of it and put out the fire. There was nothing but a burnt mark on the ground when it was done. Both Cletus and Carnage were gone.

“Did-did we just win?” You asked.

“I think we did.” Peter said in disbelief.

You ran towards each other and embraced. He picked you up and you wrapped your legs around his torso. He held you tightly as you heard police sirens approaching the building.

“I thought I was gonna lose you.” You mumbled in his ear.

“I thought I already lost you. How did you find Venom?” Peter asked as he scanned your body for injuries.

“Right as I walked off the elevator, something hit me in the face that felt like a wet cat. Sure enough, it was Venom.” You laughed. Peter laughed in relief.

“That was lucky.” Peter commented.

“Not really. We always find each other.” You smiled fondly at Venom and she smiled back at you.

“How did I get Venom?” He asked.

“I don’t know.” You lied.

”You’re lying. Your heart rate went up. How did I get Venom?” Peter asked again, with more force this time.

“I…transferred her to you.” You admitted.

“What? Why? I didn’t even know you could do that.” Peter said.

“We can when we have to. I felt we had to.” You told him.

“Why?” Peter asked.

“You were hurt.” You said simply.

“What about you?” Peter asked, always concerned for your safety.

“What about me?” You laughed. “You and I were both hurt and Venom could only heal one of us. She would’ve died if she stayed with me.”

“Why wouldn’t you let her heal me and then take her back?” Peter asked.

“Because I just wanted to keep you safe.” You yelled. His eyes softened and he no longer looked confused. You let face heart stop when you realized you had just repeated his words form earlier that day. The very words that caused you to break up with him. “All I was thinking in that moment is that you were hurt and I could help you. I wasn’t thinking about me or Carnage or anything else. Just you and your safety.” You said, almost to yourself. Peter heard it loud and clear.

“Do you get it now?” Peter said hopefully.

“Get what?” You asked

“That me making that deal with Carnage was never about me not believing in you? It was always about your safety. I don’t think straight when it comes to you baby, uh, Y/n.” He corrected himself quickly. “I saw an opportunity to keep you safe and I took it. I wasn’t thinking about how I shouldn’t trust a serial killer or how it might make you feel. All I was thinking about was keeping you safe.” Peter explained. You should’ve let him explain his reasoning sooner. It made total sense to you.

“Of course I get it. I’m so sorry I broke up with you over that. If you’ll have me, I will never break up with you again. You have my word. I will love you and only you until my dying breath.” You promised him.

“I forgive you but, I kinda met someone else.” Peter said apologetically.

“What? Who?” You were crushed. How could he have possibly met someone that fast? He got nervous ordering for himself and you always had to do it for him.

Peter smiled proudly at himself.

“Your mom.” He delivered in true Gen Z fashion.

“My mom is dead dickhead.” You said bluntly.

“Oh my God I totally forgot I am so sorry please-“ Peter started.

You cut him off by rushing into his arms and pressing your lips to his.

“I’m only teasing. I always appreciate a good “your mom” joke.” You assures him.

Peter smiled brightly and kissed you again, with passion this time. He broke away, only to catch his breath, before getting down on one knee.

“Y/n L/n, will you be mine…again?” He chuckled, recreating the first time he asked you to be his girlfriend. You laughed too and wiped at a stray tear.

“Peter Parker, I always have, and always will be, yours.”

Tag List 🏷

@monimiin @truthdaze @honeyccoated @constellationswithapurpose @condy-wants-a-cookie @zipp0flare @vxidnik @maddie-laufeyson @bubblegumholland @the-blindwatcher @pmvelez97 @ziggyspurplehaze @grippleback-galaxy @fangeekkk @twilight-loveer @assemblemotherfuckers @bolivianchickennugget @founding-fuck-bois

[opheliasbrokenmind]

faith - tommy shelby

my school is starting in five days and i feel sad for that, but this girl here working hard for you y'know. this one is for lovely @justanothershelby it was on my drafts for a while and i finally managed to finish it. enjoy reading and don't forget to give me some feedback, ily and im always open for requests 💛

It was a rainy night when you met with him, Thomas Shelby. It was a nice February day in 1914, the war hasn’t started yet and your friend Ada invited you to home, she wanted you to meet with her family. You already knew Polly and Finn but never seen her infamous brothers. You were agemates with her and John was two years older than you, so when you saw him the two of you immediately became friends. Arthur was much older than you, and he treated you like you were his own sister. Unlike his brothers, Tommy was different. He wasn’t at home that day and the rain come down hard, Polly insisted you stay there for the night.

You woke up at three in the morning and walked downstairs for a glass of water. You saw him when you came to the kitchen and he turned his head to you, ‘Who the hell are you?’ He whispered and walked to you, the moonlight was making him visible and you saw the bloodstains on his face and white shirt, he was also soaked to the skin. You stepped back, afraid of him. ‘I’m Ada’s friend, y/n Laurent and I assume that you are her brother Thomas.’ He came closer to you and stopped, you heard his heavy breaths, it was like he was hurt. ‘It’s nice to meet you, finally.’ You looked at him, ‘You’re wounded, aren’t you?’

‘Just a few scrapes, no big deal.’ You sighed, ‘Don’t lie, let’s see if I can help you.’ You said and poured yourself a glass of water, leaving Tommy to sit on the chair. He turned on the light and you were able to see his wounds this time. You found a clean cloth and held it under the water, ‘Shouldn’t you be using alcohol for disinfection?’ You walked to him and started to clean his hands, ‘I read somewhere that the alcohol delaying the healings, not sure though.’ You murmured softly and took his hand in yours, looking at his wounded knuckles without knowing he was watching your face. You cleaned his hands silently, washing the cloth once they are done and came back to him.

He groaned when you touched the cut above his right eyebrow, ‘Shh, stay quiet or they’ll wake up.’ Thomas nodded and let you wipe the blood from his face. ‘Thank you.’ He smiled a little and you smiled back, ‘Everyone would do the same.’ He held your arm, ‘Believe me, they wouldn’t. Don’t tell anyone what you did, alright?’ You frowned, ‘Why? Where were you and who did this to you?’ Thomas sighed, ‘It was for the family business and I’m okay, I don’t want them to worry about me.’ He looked directly in your eyes, ‘It’ll be our little secret, promise me.’ You gave up when he looked at you like that, his eyes were so innocent. ‘I promise, you better dry off if you don’t want to be sick.’ 

‘Hmm, how should I do this?’ He smiled playfully and you rolled your eyes, ‘How about using a towel for your hair and changing your clothes?’ Thomas unbuttoned his shirt slowly, watching your cheeks heating and he laughed. ‘I didn’t mean this... I should probably go to sleep now, goodnight Thomas.’ He nodded, ‘Yes, of course. Goodnight, y/n.’ You went upstairs, to the room you were staying and after a few minutes he came in, ‘What are you doing here?’ He cracked a smile, ‘It’s my room. But don’t worry, I came for pyjamas.’ Thomas picked the clothes and turned to you, ‘If you sit by the window, you can hear the raindrops. It’s a beautiful night if you like this weather.’

You hesitated for a second then spoke, ‘Care to join me? You can wear them here, I’ll close my eyes.’ He smiled while he changed and told you can open your eyes. You two sat on the cushion in front of the window and listened to the rain, none of you speaking. You broke the silence, ‘You do this often?’ Thomas watched the raindrops, ‘Only when I can’t sleep.’ You nodded, ‘And this happens a lot I guess.’ He didn’t say anything and you continued, ‘Ada says you always think and don’t tell her what I’ll say next but she really loves you, cares about you.’ A real smile appeared on his face, reaching to his eyes. It was the warmest smile you’ve ever seen in your life.

You were lucky because not many people had a chance to see that smile. The life erased it relentlessly, turning him to a man who hides his feelings and shows no emotion. That night you stayed up together and didn’t talk much but you enjoyed each other’s company. In the morning you acted like you didn’t meet and Ada introduced you to his brother. Thomas thought you two had a connection but he saw you with John and how he smiled at you even though he was with Martha. He thought his brother liked you so he didn’t make a move on you, John wasn’t that old for you but he was seven years older than you. Although, that didn’t stop him from having feelings for you. 

John and you were nothing more than friends, both of you loved each other as only friends and you loved Martha and their children. You always got along well with him and he loved you like you were his sister. Thomas didn’t notice that and buried his love to his heart. The months passed quickly and you warmed to family, loving all of them. One day the boys came home, told they signed up for the war. ‘W-what? Please tell me it’s a joke John, tell me you won’t leave us!’ John didn’t answer and you found yourself crying and looking at Thomas, ‘Tom, you’re not going, are you?’ He smiled a little and came closer to you, ‘Well, we’re going, love. To fight for our country and protect you.’ He embraced you in a hug, feeling your warm tears on his white shirt.

‘You can protect us here! Please, Tommy. Please don’t go.’ You cried softly and let him hold you, ‘We’ll come back quickly, you won’t even notice my absence.’ You raised your head and looked at him, ‘You think it’ll be that easy for me, that I won’t miss you? Christ, Tommy.’ You pushed him, leaving a speechless Thomas behind you. He stood there more than half an hour and finally decided to go after you, he never felt that way. Whenever he needed you, you were always there for him but this time was different. You didn’t want to lose him, didn’t want him to go and leave you behind. You were terrified, what if he never comes back again, from the war? To be honest, he didn’t. He left a part of himself there and never be the same.

Thomas found you at your home and your mother let him in, knowing who he was and what he meant to you. He knocked on your door, ‘I don’t want to talk, mom.’ Your voice cracked and he slowly opened the door, ‘It’s me.’ You were shocked, staring at him with a blank face. He closed the door behind him and walked to your bed, that blue eyes of him never leaving yours. ‘Why? Why did you come?’ You asked as he sat next to you, of course, he saw the tears and brought his hand to your face, wiping them away. ‘I wanted you to stay but you left the house. I know how you feel now, y/n. We h-’ You cut him off, ‘Don’t tell me you know how I feel, you can’t understand. You have no idea about how I feel!’

‘Then let me know, tell me.’ His voice was so soft and you let your guard off, ‘I don’t want to lose you to a fucking war, Tommy. I know I’m being selfish but I don’t want you to leave. What if... What if you don’t come back? How can I live without you?’ He was surprised but pulled you to himself and embraced you in a hug, ‘You’re not going to lose me, you hear that? I’ll come back to you, love. I’ll come back and I’ll be by your side, always.’ He whispered, not to only make you relax, also himself. He wanted to believe the fact that you’ll be together and happy in the end. Life had other plans, but both of you were unaware of that. ‘Come on, I’m taking you somewhere.’

‘Where? I look like a mess, I can’t go out.’ You looked at him with red and puffy eyes, Thomas almost smiled with your words. ‘Nonsense, you look beautiful.’ Then he grabbed your hand and helped you stood up, you two left the house. He led the way, ‘Where are we going?’ You asked and he turned his face to you, ‘It can’t be a surprise if I tell you.’ You rolled your eyes, ‘You know how much I hate surprises.’ He smiled playfully, ‘I think you’ll like this one.’ You continued to walk and you frowned when you recognized the way, ‘We’re going to Uncle Charlie’s yard, aren’t we?’ He nodded and you spoke again, ‘Are we going to shovel shit together?’

‘Nope. There’s someone I want you to meet with.’ Thomas looked happy and you let him do whatever he wanted, it was a nice thing to see him like that. ‘Close your eyes.’ You shook your head, ‘No way.’ He insisted, ‘y/n, close your eyes.’ You sighed and closed your eyes, he held your hand and helped you walk without falling. You heard some noises and after a few minutes he spoke, ‘You can open your eyes now.’ You did as he said so and you were charmed with what you saw. There was a beautiful white filly in front of you, your eyes shined with joy, ‘My God, Tommy... Is she yours?’ You asked, without looking at him.

‘Yes, and I want you to name her.’ Your eyes were wide open and you turned to him, ‘What? Why?’ He noticed how happy you were and he burned the moment to his memory, saving it for days he was going to spend without you. ‘Because you’ll take care of her when I’m away, I believe you two ladies will get on well.’ You smiled and caressed the little horse, ‘We will.’ Thomas watched you petting her and that put a genuine smile on his lips, ‘Found a name yet?’ You looked up at him and he locked his eyes with yours, he was going to miss them. ‘How about Faith?’ You asked, stepping closer to him. ‘Is there a reason why you chose it?’

‘Because I’ll always have faith in you.’ You whispered, hoping you won’t regret your words later. Thomas took a step and closed the distance between you, his cold hand cupped your warm cheek, ‘Even when I don’t have faith in myself?’ He whispered, too and you nodded slowly, ‘Especially then.’ You said firmly, looking directly into his deep blue eyes. ‘Then Faith it is.’ You smiled and closed your eyes, he admired how angelic you looked. Tommy wanted to lean in and crush his lips against yours but he knew it was wrong. He was scared of war, he didn’t want to give you hope and he was still older than you. He didn’t want to break your heart.

Then the day came, the Shelby clan and you were at the station, saying goodbyes. Thomas watched as you hugged to his brother John, saying some words he couldn’t hear. You slowly made your way to him, heartbeats skipping and with a worried look on your voice. ‘I have something for you.’ You tried to smile and gave him a photograph of yourself, ‘I know it’s not a big thing but I don’t want you to forget how I look.’ He stared at the paper and his gaze met with yours, ‘How can I?’ He took a step closer, placing it to his pocket. You closed the distance and hugged him, your lips nearly touched to his ear and you spoke softly, ‘Come back, Tommy. Come back to me.’

He did, though. He came back but not as the same person, he changed. Colder, sadder and worse. He suffered too much during the war, not only physically. His heart ached when he couldn’t remember how does your voice sound. He was afraid of death, what would you do if he died? You were in pain most of the days, worrying about his well-being. You wanted him back, you wanted him to come back alive and in one piece. You tried your best to help to Shelby women and you kept your feelings hidden. However, Polly knew. She found you in his room one day, staring at his empty bed.

‘Tommy’s a stubborn guy, y/n. He’ll come back.’

‘What if he can’t, Polly? What if he can’t make it here?’ You asked, eyes teary.

‘You have to believe in him, love. He doesn’t want to see you like that, does he? Now, wash your face and come help me.’

Thomas came back, but a part of him never did. You saw it in his eyes, he wasn’t the same. You felt the coldness, he went to war as a boy and he came back as a man. A man with a lot of trouble, you thought. He was drinking or smoking all day, sometimes both. He didn't let you get close and you never forced him. You gave him space but you found out it was a mistake after a long time. He didn’t heal, not even a bit. Actually, he got worse and you found yourself leaving him alone to deal with his problems. You thought he’d figure out his feelings and thoughts but no, you couldn’t be more wrong.

‘Please, y/n. Go talk to him for God’s sake.’

You knew Polly was right, he wasn’t coming to home for days, not even for sleeping. They doubted if he ever slept, he was a complete mess. You tried to look comfortable and went to the Garrison, knowing he’d be there. He was there most of the day, drinking until he passes out. You were angry at the world and at yourself, you hated the life you were living. You hated to see him breaking down, going away with every day passing. The Tommy before the war... That young, happy boy you used to love, you missed him. You knew he was gone and won’t be coming back but you still hoped.

Thomas was near the counter when you came in, drinking a glass of whiskey. He didn’t notice you until you touched his arm, ‘Tommy?’ He looked at you with empty eyes, then lit a cigarette. ‘Can we talk?’ He sighed and took a long breath from the cigarette, ‘I’m listening, eh?’ You continued to look at him, ‘Not here.’ He turned his eyes to you once again, ‘Where? You want to fuck me now or something?’ You frowned and felt your heart was breaking, this wasn’t the Tommy you thought you knew. ‘I can’t believe you.’ You said and turned your back, walking to the door. ‘y/n, stop. I didn’t mean it.’ 

He grabbed your wrist and dragged you to the private room, closing the door behind you. ‘I’m sorry, what did you want to tell me?’ You sighed and took the cigarette he offered to you, ‘I came here to talk with you, Tom. Not to watch you listen and walk away. You know, they’re worried for you.’ He exhaled the smoke and gave a look to you, ‘And they sent you?’ You sighed, knowing exactly what he meant. ‘I thought it’d be better. I’m not worried, Tom because I’m scared. Please tell me what’s wrong. Talk to me, please.’

‘What’s wrong, huh? Do you even ask that? I’ll tell you what happened, y/n. The war happened! And yeah, we fought there but the war won. I fucking lost and it took everything from me.’ You couldn’t look at him, the words hurt both of you, ‘I’m here, your family is here. You didn’t lose them, don’t let the war take them from you.’ He stubbed out the cigarette and walked to you, ‘Don’t you get it, I lost myself.’ You stepped closer, too. ‘Let me help you, Tommy.’ He closed his eyes and gave up. 

So you did. He told you about the nightmares and some nights, you stayed awake with him until the sun raised again. You sat with him in his bed, holding his hand, speaking about something random. Your feelings grew bigger but you knew it was something one-sided. You didn’t complain and did your best to make him feel better. One day a girl came to Garrison to work and when you saw him looking at her, you knew it. The tears appeared in your eyes but you smiled, sending them back. 

You saw him kissing Grace one day and you left the pub, walking to John’s place. He opened the door and before you say anything, he embraced you in a hug. Of course, he knew, he saw the way you looked at his brother like he was your whole world. You cried your heart out, your tears wettened his shoulder as he didn’t let you go. ‘I’m sorry, y/n.’ John whispered and you continued to cry, ‘I’m happy for him, John. I really am but it hurts too much.’ 

The months went on and John came to you with an offer, Ada was going to London and he thought you’d be a great company. You accepted, packed up your things and left with her, saying a small goodbye to the family. Grace was gone but Thomas didn’t say anything to you and you knew he still loved her. It hurt you so much and you left the town with a broken heart. Ada lost her husband and she wasn’t any better but you two supported each other.

‘You know, y/n. One day it won’t hurt as much as it does right now, and you’ll be happy again. You’ll meet someone who loves you like you loved Tommy.’

You didn’t believe her but it almost happened. You haven’t seen him for a few years and the heaviness you felt in your heart became less and one evening, you found yourself dancing with a gentleman. He asked you for a date and you thought it was the time to move on, you accepted. Oscar was a good, caring man and he loved you. After a few months you started to dating, he started to feel sick and you learnt he had an illness because of the war and didn’t have a chance to survive. 

He wanted to spend his last days with you so when Thomas sent you and Ada an invitation to his wedding, you couldn’t attend and you weren’t sad about it. You waited on Oscar’s bedside at the hospital and after a few days, he passed out. You felt sad for him but at least he died in peace, thinking he was with a woman who loved him. Yeah, you loved him but he never made you feel like Thomas did. They weren’t invited to the funeral so you didn’t see him until another funeral, belonged to his wife.

It was John who called you because Thomas was worse than ever. He did the same things he used to do right after the war, drinking until he passed out but now he had a son and the poor little boy needed his father. You went to his house and found him in the stables. ‘There you are.’ He didn’t look at you and continued to smoke, he was sitting on the floor and you joined him. ‘What do you want?’ Thomas asked, still avoiding the eye contact and you kept staring at him, watching his every move. ‘Nothing.’

‘I heard about you and him from John, it’s bad.’

‘Yes, it is. The war didn’t hurt only the ones who fought there, it hurt people left here, too. Now I see what you told before, I lost too.’

‘Do you... love him?’ He asked and your eyes widened, what kind of question that was? ‘Do you love her?’ He stayed silent and got up, ‘Stand up, you need to see something.’ You frowned and accepted the hand he offered to you, ‘What?’ He didn’t let go your hand and you walked together to the horses, ‘Here she is.’ Thomas stopped and the horse neighed when it saw the two of you. ‘I-I can’t believe, you kept her?’ You stepped to the animal and petted it. 

‘She wasn’t the one to race but I couldn't let her go so she’s here with me.’ After a long time, you found yourself smiling, ‘She’s not the same, eh?’

‘None of us are.’

‘How did we end up like this, Tom?’

‘Like what?’

‘I... Well, we're not that teenagers anymore so there isn’t a reason to not to tell you. I had this crush on you for... uhm, for a really long time and then you know, you came back from the war and things never been the same since then. Not that I didn’t like you after the war, I did. But then there was Grace and you looked really happy with her in a long time so-’

‘You’re saying you left the town because of me?’

‘It’s not like that. I left because I was happy for you but it hurt me and then I met with Oscar and he said he didn’t have much time, I couldn’t leave him alone. I couldn’t come to your wedding and to be honest, I didn’t feel very sad about that. John called and spoke to me so... that’s all, I think.’

‘y/n...’

‘What? I know it doesn’t sound good but that’s the truth.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ You cracked a smile at that, ‘Tell you what? Hi Tommy, I l know you see me as a sister but oh, I think I’m kinda in love with you but I don’t want to ruin our friendship so let’s pretend like that never happened. That’s what you wanted to hear?!’

‘Because I felt the same... I thought you liked John and I was too old for you and after the war, you were different and then you left. I thought you weren’t coming back and Grace returned, told me she was pregnant and I married to her. I loved her but I don’t think I can ever love someone as much as I loved you.’

‘You’re not serious.’ He arched an eyebrow, ‘You say so?’ You glanced away, ‘How... I don’t know what to say, Tom. I’m so sorry.’ 

‘I’m sorry, too. Look at me, y/n.’ You raised your head and he was there, looking with that sad blue eyes of his, ‘I love you. Do you love me?’ You didn’t hold back your tears anymore and broke down into his chest, ‘I do, I always did. I love you, Tommy, I love you so much that it hurts me.’ You sat on the floor together, all snuggled up. ‘Hold me and never let me go.’ You whispered and he hugged you tighter, ‘I’ll never let you go.’

‘We lost too much time, we lost everything.’ He pulled you closer to his chest and stared at the horse, ‘We still have Faith, love.’ 

[purplesurveys]

1014

What snack food could you not live without? I feel like “can’t live without” is pushing it too far, but Pringles is my favorite and I imagine I’d be pretty miserable if they hypothetically suddenly disappear or stop production. Can never get enough of those.

What/where is your favorite restaurant? And what do they specialize in? Yabu. It’s Japanese, but they mainly specialize in katsu so they don’t have sushi or ramen or sukiyaki or other types of Japanese food. I haven’t had my usual since February or March, so I can’t waaaait until I can finally order for myself.

How do you waste time when you are procrastinating? Looking for anything I can watch on YouTube. Once I’ve found a video it usually is able to send me into a black hole of other videos, so it’s been quite the effective way to avoid tasks or things I’m worrying about.

Do you follow any celebrities on social media? Who? I don’t, honestly. I never understood it about myself lol; I’m fascinated by a number of celebrities but the idea of being constantly updated about their personal lives just never seemed appealing to me. I guess I just like them for what they do and the celebrity that comes with it. The only one I follow on Twitter is Hayley Williams.

Who do you admire for what they have accomplished? Probably Arlan. Dude had like 10 orgs while in college, was in the college student council, and he got accepted to Columbia’s graduate program for journalism for the next school year. Idek how he even finds the time to sleep.

Would you like if you never had to work again? Lately I’ve been learning about myself that work gives me a sense of purpose, so even if I was offered all the money in the world, I’d take it but I would still want to work (assuming I’m in a job I like and care about). I never want to go back to how shitty I felt in September when I was neither studying nor working.

Are you a big sports fan? What team and sports? I like watching basketball and volleyball games, but only the ones played in our local university league – that said, I obviously root for my school lol. I like pro wrestling too, but they don’t work in teams.

Do you believe in following your dreams? Yes, but the way there is vastly different for everyone in that some people may have the connections and resources early on, while some will have to work and claw a little harder. The playing field isn’t always level, unfortunately.

Do you like to play board games? They’re fine, but I typically prefer to watch from the sidelines mostly because I’m terrible at following instructions and retaining them in my head as I play.

What were your favorites games as a kid? Does it have to be board games? I played outside way more often and my favorites were patintero, 10-20, and a game we called ‘ice ice water,’ which is really just freeze tag. I also liked pick-up sticks.

Would you like to be a “stay at home” mom or dad? I dunno if I would enjoy that, honestly. Like I said, I like the idea of working as it makes me feel productive...but who knows? I’m only 22, literally a fresh graduate, I don’t have kids, and it’s a long way before I can possibly become a mom. But my priorities could always change; I could wind up being a mom who is content with being a housewife. I really have no clue, and I’ll never know until I get there.

How are your “direction skills” when you are driving? Yeah, they’re nonexistent. I need Waze all the time if I’m the one driving, even if it’s going to a place I routinely travel to.

Do you need to be in charge or are you happy to let someone else take charge? It depends on how confident or familiar I am with the task at hand. I can handle being either a leader or a follower; but I do think that, for all tasks I’m involved in, I do like to help call the shots and decide on things on some level, no matter how little it is. I never just follow, if that makes sense.

Would you rather “talk it out” or “let it go” and hope it’s forgotten about? Talk it out. Communication is really important to me.

What celebrity have others told you that you look like? Anna Akana and Lucy Hale.

Do you like to dance? What kind do you enjoy the most? Only either when I’m alone or have had a lot to drink. I don’t actually know any types of dance.

Do you feel anxious right now? Eh, not really. I’m a little sad, but getting out of bed to sit at my desk has slightly fixed that for the meantime.

Do you like to eat breakfast for dinner? What are your faves? Sometimes my dad will make breakfast food for dinner, yeah. I’m never enthusiastic about it lol, but I don’t complain.

Do you feel like you will ever have enough money to make you happy? Sure, I think so. I know I definitely don’t want to end up being extremely selfish about money.

What is more appealing to you: a pub crawl or a wine tasting? Pub crawl, for sure. I hate wine anyway.

What classes or courses would you take to learn more about? International relations, biology, and anthropology.

Would you ever get a tattoo? What kind would you get? Idk if I would ever get one, but one of my ideas is to have Paramore’s lyrics “For all the joy that is to come / Just let the pain remind you hearts can heal” on my wrist, kinda like as a reminder that there are brighter days ahead. That’s not the correct sequence of lyrics, but combining those lines together was what spoke to me the most. 

How much time do you spend working out a week? (you can fib a little) I don’t work out.

Do you dress up for Halloween? What was your best costume? Only if my friends have something planned. I’ve mentioned this several times lately but my personal favorite costume was going as my old best friend, Sofie. It was so low-effort but everyone understood who I was and had a kick out of it.

How often do you like to shop online? I never really did it regularly before since I had been on a tight allowance throughout college, but now that I’m earning on my own I could see myself ordering stuff online 1-2 times a month.

Have you ever spent time “online dating?” No. I had Tinder before, but just to people-watch. Still not interested in it now.

Do you ever hang out with your parents? How about your siblings? No. We don’t do one-on-one bonding; we’re all emotionally unequipped for that lol. I hate that I missed out on family things like that; and my future kid/s is/are definitely getting a lot of solo dates with me.

What is the number one way that you like to spend your time? Probably going on YouTube. There’s always something to watch over there.

Is it easy or hard for you to be lazy all day? Easy for the most part, but if I know I have work to do I also like getting my ass up to wrap that up as quickly as I can.

How similar are you to your zodiac sign characteristics? Based on what’s been shoved down my throat from social media, Tauruses  love their food, hold grudges, are fiercely loyal, resistant to change, and annoyingly stubborn. Those things are all me.

What are you addicted to? I don’t have any addictions.

What is the last song that you saved to your playlist? Haven’t been using my playlists lately.

If you could listen to only one artist, who would that be? Paramore.

Who would you like to be president right now? We have a dictator of a president at the moment and the list of potential candidates for 2022 isn’t looking too great either, so...who the fuck knows. I’m hoping someone capable – and someone preferably younger – steps up to take the challenge before 2022. I look forward to the day we take to the streets to celebrate the same way America did today.

Were you popular in school? I mean in high school I was kinda on the radar, but I still liked staying at the sides and let my more popular friends take the spotlight. Besides, I was already linked with Gabie and I didn’t want teachers and staff to be on our asses. 

What is your favorite place that you have ever visited? Locally, Sagada. Outside of the country, probably Shanghai.

What places do you want to travel to before you get too old? Ideally I’d want to travel to as many countries as I can, to be honest. Doesn’t matter where. But if I can only afford to do so a handful of times, I’d spend that money on Morocco, India, Thailand, Egypt, South Korea, Iceland, Peru, and Spain (and then maybe go on a European road trip from there).

What is the perfect work schedule that you would love? I’m happy with my current 9-6 shift.

What was the best party that you have ever been to? Rita’s sister’s org’s Halloween party from last year.

Did school come easy for you or was it hard? High school was easy, but I purposely didn’t put much effort into it. I didn’t see the point, considering a) teachers have their established favorite students early on and I knew I wasn’t one of them and no matter how well I did I knew I wasn’t going to get recognized, and b) workplaces could not care less about your high school record. College was also easy, and I found balancing my academics, org life, and social life to be fun and fulfilling.

What language do you enjoy listening to? English or Filipino.

Would you take the time to learn a new language? Sure. I’ve done that with Spanish and Korean before.

If you had a personal assistant, what would you have them do? Make them do the phone calls whenever I would have to at work.

Who is the funniest person that you know? I have several people in mind, honestly - Andi, Kate, Jum, Aya, JM, Hans.

Who is the worst pain in the ass that you know? My mom. Sometimes Cooper.

Whose life do you look to as a “model” of what you would like yours to ultimately look like? Anna, one of the moms from the Korean reality show I watch. Her amazing attitude towards life, her parenting skills, cooking skills, aesthetic, and overall life is all I want.

How much money do you save from your paycheck? I have no idea how to budget yet. AAAHHHHHHHHH

Which is a stronger emotion, fear or joy? I think both can be felt strongly.

What types of people do you follow on social media? Athletes, Influencers? Mostly irl people. The only famous people I follow are AJ Mendez (though she’ll always be AJ Lee to me) and Hayley, like I said. OH WAIT I also follow the entire GMM crew! Idk why I missed that.

Would you ever like to work remotely and travel? That’d be nice, sure.

When were you the poorest that you have ever been? Quarantine.

[jbbarnesnnoble]

Love from the Outside (Part Four)

Chapter Title: Grownup Christmas List

Features: Heart to hearts, fluffy moments 

Pairing: eventual Bucky/Natasha/Reader

Notes: This story went to me and went “ha, you THOUGHT this would be Bucky/Reader, but guess what! Sunshine is taking a shine to Natasha” so, that happened.

One more part after this and then the epilogue! 

Word Count: 1629

It had been five days since Sunshine appeared on the grounds of the compound. They were no closer to figuring out how or why she had appeared. But there was one thing they had concluded.

“There’s no way of safely bringing you back to your time. There are theories of course, but even if we could work out a way, we still don’t know what brought you here,” Bruce said.

“Since there’s no record of you after 1945, we don’t think you ever went back, or ever go back,” Tony said. Sunshine was quiet. Her thoughts were racing from one to the next. Never seeing Peggy again, even as an old woman. Steve had broken the news to her that Peggy had died a few years prior. Howard had died in 1991 at Bucky’s hand. Not Bucky. The Winter Soldier. Sunshine had made a point to distinguish the two in her mind. They came together with who Bucky was now. But while the Winter Soldier was part of who Bucky became, Bucky was not the Winter Soldier. Not anymore. 

“Sunshine? Are you okay?” Bruce asked. She nodded. 

“It’s a second chance, a blessing in disguise. Whatever force brought me here, whether it’s benevolent or malicious, it’s given me a second chance. I’d be a fool to squander it,” she said. 

“I know it can be a lot to take in, being in a new century,” Steve said from where he said. Sunshine smiled.

“Yes, it is. But I’ve got my two best friends to help me,” she said. 

The afternoon found the compound quiet. Steve, Natasha, Bucky, and Sam had a quick mission. Tony was spending time with Pepper and baby Morgan. Bruce was in the lab, Clint was with his family, and Wanda was off with Vision. Peter Parker had shown up for the holidays. Aunt May wouldn’t be joining them until later on, busy with work.

“Oh my. Has anyone looked at that cut?” Sunshine asked when she walked into the living area to see Peter. He was pretty bruised up.

“It’s fine miss. Uh...who are you? Are you a new Avenger? Mr. Stark didn’t mention anything about a new Avenger,” he said. 

“Oh, no. I’m...an old friend of Steve and Bucky. I’m a nurse,” Sunshine said. Peter’s brow furrowed. 

“I didn’t know they had friends...I mean, I didn’t know they had friends outside the Avengers,” he said. She laughed. She told him her name before telling him to call her Sunshine. He introduced himself too. 

“Now, let me take a look at that cut. Don’t give me that nonsense about healing factor. I used to make Stevie let me check him over all the time and stitch him up if he needed it,” she said, grabbing a kit from a cupboard. Tony had told her where she could find first aid kits if need be. She was going to start working with the medical team, but first she needed to brush up on 21st century medicine. 

“Now, forgive me, my medical knowledge is about seventy some odd years out of date. But treating a cut is one thing that hasn’t changed,” she said as she wiped the cut to disinfect it. 

After patching up Peter, Sunshine insisted on making him lunch. She couldn’t help but fuss over him. He reminded her of Steve in a lot of ways. And the kids in the old neighborhood. She was always fussing over all of them, making sure they ate something, using what meager savings she had sometimes to make sure they ate. 

It was late in the evening when the team returned. Sunshine had fallen asleep on the couch, Peter beside her. A movie played on the television and a bowl of popcorn sat forgotten on the table. It had been a quick mission, in and out for intel. There had been few complications. 

“Always taking care of the little guys,” Bucky said when he took in the scene. Natasha squeezed his hand. He saw a look on her face that he couldn’t quite place. 

“Let’s get them to bed,” Steve said. He picked Peter up, the boy barely stirring. Bucky sighed as he walked over to lift Sunshine off the couch. Natasha trailed him, opening the door to Sunshine’s room. Bucky set her down on the bed after Natasha turned the sheets down. Natasha pulled the blankets over Sunshine. She looked away when Bucky placed a kiss on her forehead, feeling like she was intruding on the moment. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things were quiet through the rest of the week. Bucky found that whenever he was looking for Sunshine or Natasha, the two would be found together. One day he found them making cookies while talking in hushed voices. It was more so Sunshine making the cookies, Natasha swiping cookie dough when she wasn’t looking, only to have Sunshine smack her hands when she caught her, mumbling something about getting sick from eating too much of the dough. Bucky couldn’t remember a time he’d seen Natasha so relaxed and at ease. He supposed Sunshine just had that way about her. 

The next time he found them together, they were next to each other on the couch watching Miracle on 34th Street, which had come out two years after Sunshine disappeared. He’d found himself joining them, sitting on the other side of Natasha. Sunshine had fallen asleep with her head on Natasha’s shoulder. Bucky took the opportunity to bring it up.

“You two seem to be getting along,” he said. Natasha nodded. 

“She’s one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met,” Natasha said, glancing at the sleeping woman. Bucky recognized the look on her face. It was the same way she looked at him when they were alone. 

“Tasha?” he asked, the words left unspoken. 

“I like her, James. I feel selfish for even saying it. I have you. I love you. But...even when you’d talk about her, before she showed up...I wondered what life would be like with her here. I know she would probably never return those feelings. The 40s weren’t exactly a hotbed of acceptance for anything that went against societal norms. But the way you spoke about her...and then she was here and I don’t know,” Natasha said. 

“I don’t know if you should say anything. She seems fine with us being together. I won’t lie Tasha. I do want to be with her. There will always be a part of me that wants to be. I love you, and that’s not changing any time soon. As understanding as Sunshine is...she was shocked yesterday when she saw two women openly holding hands when Steve and I took her into the city,” Bucky said. Neither of them noticed that Sunshine had started stirring. Much like they had earlier in the week, they brought Sunshine to her room, tucking her in. 

The next day, Sunshine and Natasha went for a walk around the compound grounds. It was cold, but neither woman minded. They were both bundled up. There was a bench clear of snow that they sat on.

“Natasha, can I tell you something? You must promise not to tell anyone, especially Steve,” Sunshine said. 

“Of course,” Natasha said. She raced through the possibilities. What could Sunshine have to say that she didn’t want Steve to know? 

“I think...I think I find myself just as attracted to women as I am men. Well, some women. I think I have a type,” Sunshine admitted. Natasha raised an eyebrow.

“And you don’t want Steve to know? He’s not...he’s not bigoted. This is the 21st century, Sunshine. Women can marry women, men can marry men. Sure there are still jerks but Steve Rogers isn’t one of them,” she said. Sunshine nodded.

“I know. That’s not the part I need you to keep secret,” she said, taking her locket off. She opened it. One side held a photo of Bucky, the other a photo of Peggy. Natasha’s eyes widened.

“You and Peggy?” she asked. Sunshine sighed.

“It just wasn’t the done thing. We were both hurt, both grieving. There were a few kisses here and there, but...it was never going to be more than that. She was talking about maybe going out with someone we worked with. I could never be sure if we gravitated together because of the loss or because of mutual attraction. I’d always thought she was beautiful, but...it just wasn’t done,” Sunshine said. 

“And you’re worried Steve will be upset?” Natasha asked.

“I don’t think he’d be upset. But...Peggy and I...it isn’t my story to share. Not without her. Not with him,” she said. 

“Then why tell me?” Natasha asked.

“I’d like to think we’ve become friends since my arrival. I felt like this was something I needed to get out. But if I told James...I’m not so sure he’d be able to keep it from Stevie. Those two always shared everything. I swear they were worse gossips than the old ladies in the neighborhood,” Sunshine said. Natasha laughed. 

They fell into an easy silence. Sunshine’s thoughts wandered. After losing Bucky, losing Steve too, her heart was broken into pieces she wasn’t sure would mend. She and Peggy had leaned on one another to put the pieces together again, to move forward and continue the fight against Hydra and other threats. She became more than a nurse. She and Peggy shared a pain that others around them couldn’t understand. 

The two women headed back as the temperature grew colder and snow began to fall. Christmas was rapidly approaching and Natasha couldn’t help but think that a new chapter of their lives was getting ready to begin. 

[prettyboylovemail]

Happy (late) Valentine’s Day, everyone 💕

This is a day of love and sharing love with the people you care about the most. I wish I had all the words to express how much love I have for all my f/os, but I really can’t portray how much I really feel for them. Also, this post would end up being far too long if I included every single one of my faves, so I only did it for my top 5 mains.

To Mello:

Happy Valentine’s Day. We had a rough start, didn’t we. And there were times I worried that you’d never understand the way I feel about you. Hell, there were times I worried I’d never even see you again, much less get the chance to tell you how I feel. But we made it. We’ve made it this far. We’ve made it another day. And every new day I spend with you is a blessing. Thank you for letting me stay by your side. I’ve loved you for so long, and I’m so happy to finally be able to share that love with you, and have you accept it from me. Thank you, Mello, for everything you’ve done for me. Without you, I probably wouldn’t be alive right now. But I’m here. We’re here. Together. I love you so much.

To Kazuaki:

Happy Valentine’s Day. So many days have passed since I first met you and that little schoolgirl crush I had on you back then has only had room to grow and blossom into something bigger and more beautiful. You’ve been through so much; we both have. But despite everything you’ve told yourself over the course of all these years, you are worthy of being loved. You can forgive yourself. You don’t need to keep holding on to all of the bad things you’ve done in the past. You’re going to be alright. I’m here for you. I always will be. And I’m going to remind you as many times as you need to hear it. I love you no matter what.

To Francis:

Happy Valentine’s Day. The day I laid eyes on you, my heart fluttered so much in my chest and I couldn’t help but wish to be the person you were smiling at. And by some miracle, that wish was granted. When you came over to me and asked me to dance, I couldn’t believe that out of everyone, you picked me. You chose me. And you’ve continued to choose me every single day and I’m beyond grateful for that. You make me feel like a princess every day and being together with you in Paris really is a dream come true. Je t’aime, mon amour.

To Osamu:

Happy Valentine’s Day. Every single day spent with you is another day filled with joy and laughter. You make me feel so giddy and happy whenever we are together and even though you go out of your way to embarrass me and some days, you annoy me beyond belief, I always find myself coming back to you. Some days, you frustrate me so much, but you always find a way to turn it around. And even on my worst days, you somehow make me smile again.

Even if you don’t see it, and you don’t believe you are a truly “good” person; even if you think all of your shenanigans are fake and only a means to cover up your “real nature”, that’s not true at all. No person is without their faults and their own personal dark side. But I can see that you are such a genuinely charming and friendly person that everyone you know is naturally drawn to you. The friends you have made at the Agency, the people who look up to you and respect you, the relationships you’ve made with me, and with our family, they are all real. They are all a real part of you. That’s what makes you human and worthy of life. And I’m so happy to be the person who you can share all of yourself with, the good parts and the bad. I love you. So much. I love you.

And finally, To Valentine:

What can I say that I haven’t already said a million times before?

This is our 3rd Valentine’s Day spent together and 2 full years have gone by since we first said our wedding vows. That doesn’t seem like a long time in retrospect, considering you’ve been alive for literal centuries, but for me, this is a milestone. I treasure every single day spent with you and not a day has gone by where I’m not reminded of why I fell in love with you and how lucky I am to be your wife.

The fact that out of the billions of people in the world, the countries you’ve visited, the things you’ve seen, they all led you to me. Whether it be coincidence, or fate, or whatever else... all of the experiences we’ve had in our lives brought us together in the most mundane of ways, and yet, led us to this moment. Whenever I think about just how happenstance it was that we were in the same place at the same time, that you happened to see me and come over to speak to me, that we happened to see each other again, that I happened to become your Eve, and that I happened to fall in love with you and you, with me. It all just fell into place so naturally that I couldn’t believe how easy it was to fall in love with you. And the fact that you fell in love with me too is beyond my wildest dreams.

You truly are my soulmate and I would give anything, even my own mortality, my own life, to be with you forever. I don’t want you to ever be alone ever again. I don’t want you to ever feel helpless without me. I know time heals, and one day, centuries after I’m gone, you’ll move on. You might remember me and the time we spent here together, or maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll find someone else who will fall in love with you. But as long as I’m beside you, you won’t have to feel the pain of missing me, even for a moment. So I’m determined to make sure that doesn’t happen, as selfish as that sounds.

So as another year goes by, I want to remind you every single day of how much I love you and how grateful I am to be by your side. There isn’t a thing in this world that is as precious to me as you and the time we spend together.

Happy Anniversary, my darling, and Happy Valentine’s Day 💕

[madisonmasochistic]

Coals & Fire

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF RAPE

you where fire and I was coal, cold and hard with traces of scars running down my spine. 

you where chaos and I was the calm before the storm. I was calculated and indifferent to everything around me, I was nothing when we met.  And now as i sat on the soft comforter of my own bed, a simple moment, I shake at the thought of your touch, your words. 

is it excitement, or is it fear? I never know when it comes to you. 

Even then as I sat next to the person I feel closest too, I stare at my fingers and it makes me think of the way yours ran down my legs, my neck, my cheek. I think of the tears that ran down my cheek as I stared at a screen, holding onto every message every word that those very fingers typed out.  

I feel the betrayal, like I feel your fire. You light your fires, and burn my coals, heating passion without worry, without care for how fast my coals would deteriorate. 

I burned with your fires as you said the words "I do not love you" with your whole chest, you defiled me in a shower, you broke me like a cheap whine glass that you never cared much for, more like kept around out of necessity.  I felt as if my heart, the one that was already in pieces, was broken into more, pieces you couldn't possibly put back together, the only thing left to do with such pieces of a heart like mine in that moment was to sweep them up and throw them away. 

You had promised me safety and you had given me hope, and with that you stole everything you'd once promised me away. Yet I still gave to you all I had.. I still broke myself over and over again just to make you the person you promised to be. 

And as I am held by the one who I feel closest to, as she tells me I am where she was at my age, as she listens to me break, the tears that don't seem to stop pushing past the barriers of my eyes and all I can seem to do is sob, the cries that come from my lips ones that I have held in for so long, and she tells me she will always be there for me, and how she doesn't want me to hurt. 

I cannot fix the pieces of myself you broke, I cannot forget the treason you did to my heart. 

I cannot shower. 

I cannot love. 

I cannot trust. 

I cannot stop crying over the pitiful little boy that broke me into pieces. 

And the others tell me to be strong as you lie to my face, pretend to have an illness that I do, as you victim blame me to my face, as you deny the wrongs you did to me. They tell me to be strong but I don't have the energy to be anything but weak.

My knees still bleed for you, my heart still yearns for your fingers, your hands to touch my skin. 

My heart still beats for you, I still feel sorrow when you act so sorry for yourself. 

I want to reassure you that I still love your fires, and that I can make more coal for you to burn. 

But I have long since run out of coals for you to burn, I am nothing but ashes and fume, I am nothing but the darkness of trauma that you consume. 

I sit here with tears that want to fall, but I do not want those around me to know I still think of you. I want you to see this, I want you to know how much I loathe how much I love you. I want you to hate me. 

I break into pieces when i see photos of us. 

I want to put out your fire. 

I can write for hours on how I feel, but nothing changes, I still respond when you text, I would answer if you called, I still crave your attention. I still wish to hear your voice, and I do not know how to tell the man I am falling for that he is falling for a damaged void of a human that only knows pain and pleasure. I am not whole, I am a building of others and coals that keep being burned beyond use. 

I wish for someone to make me more, for someone to add to my coals instead of burn them, for someone to help me take all those shattered pieces and try and glue them back together.  I need someone's water to extinguish your fire, I need someone to show me how to shower, how to love, how to trust. I would like to think the one I feel closest too can, in a friendship way, I feel like a spoiled child when I ask for more, for someone to use their water to drown out the flames that you still burn, my coals beyond repair, I am empty, my coal needing to be replaced. 

She can help in the ways that she can, and every hug I feel replaces a piece of coal, every time she says she is proud of me, I feel as if I have more coals, yet you come back and burn them every time, her moon water puts out the little flames you still burn, but some days you burn harder, and her moon water can't put it out, my coals still get used. 

moon water is like the friendship I have needed and craved. 

I hate to admit I also need rain water, a water that can snuff out your flames for good, rain water that can breathe a romantic life back into my lungs. 

I wish for the water to bring light back into my life, surrounded by my own ash and broken glass, the way you left me when you said you didn't love me, the way you left me when you raped me, when you held me down in the shower and told me you where "almost done" and to "just stay still" You ignored my cries, the tears that seemed to blend into the shower water that hit my face, as you covered the sounds of my cries with your moans.  You make me hate myself, and then act as if I am the villain for leaving you. 

You make me hate myself when you say it was an accident that you slapped me across the face for the smallest thing. 

You make me hate myself when you threw my help back into my face and called me controlling for trying to help you.. 

You make me hate myself when you misgender me to your family and do not correct them. 

You make me hate myself when you lied to your family about how you loved me and made me out to be a psycho that wouldn't leave you alone, when you where crawling into my bed at night. 

You make me hate myself when you lie to my face over and over and tell me you lied to me about how you felt about my body, how you said "how am I supposed to tell you that in certain outfits you look fat and unappealing?" 

You make me hate myself when you say you miss the way things used to be. 

You make me hate myself when you beg for my forgiveness, when you know I am trying to fucking heal. 

How many of my coals will you burn to ash before you are satisfied? 

How many of my coals will I continue to let you burn? 

I am nothing but ash and sulfur from your fire. 

I cannot go a night without breaking apart as I crave to turn around and be in your arms. 

I cannot go a night without thinking about throwing every single coal i have left into your flames by going to see you and pressing my lips against yours again. 

My coal burns when I think of you 

My coal burns when I look at you 

My coal burns when I talk to you 

My coal burns when I dream of you. 

My coal burns when I try to do a basic human action and what you did to me pops up in my mind

I wasn't supposed to have this, I was supposed to help my system, not be burnt to ashes because of you, you where supposed to dance in the flames with me, not be the flames that consumed me. You where supposed to be passion and love, you where supposed to be my husband. 

I am too young to be feeling this pain 

I am too young to be another stigma of a rape that will never go documented or brought to justice. 

I am too young to be another broken female bodied statistic of suicide. 

I cannot burn anymore. 

I cannot burn anymore. 

Ashes to do not burn. 

Your fire is too much. 

I once danced in your flames, and now I scream because I cannot stop burning. 

I cannot lose the one I am closest too, I cannot lose the man falling for me. I cannot lose to keep burning my coals for you. 

The song goes, some mistakes get made, thats alright that's okay, you can think that you're in love when you're really just in pain. 

I was in pain with you, I mistook that pain for love. This song played as I knew it was the end for us. I broke in the innocent one's care listening to this even though I'd heard it so many times before. 

I feel a burden to those around me. 

To the one I feel closest too, I am so sorry I cannot get past this yet.. I am sorry you have to hear the same stories over and over again. 

To the man falling for me, I am sorry that I need you to be the rain water that saves whatever remaining coals I have. 

To the innocent one I am sorry I don't want to fuck you up the way he did me, and I am sorry you have had to see me through this. 

We lost our virginity to you. 

No you where not the first. 

But we trusted you with it. 

You promised you'd love us

You promised you'd never hurt us 

You promised you'd be there through it all

You promised you wouldn't be like your brother

You promised you wouldn't be the cause of the pain

You promised you'd never make us hate you 

You promised you'd never take advantage of us. 

We trusted you. 

You Lied. 

You Lied. 

You lied. 

over and over and over again. 

You are my demon, a flame that I cannot put out again. 

I do not know how to stay away 

I don't know how to stop burning. 

I held you so proudly. I was so sure that you where the one I'd spend the rest of my days with. I tried to defend you as the one closest to me tried to help me sooner. I wish I'd listened. 

When I was raped by the prophet, when I was drugged and assaulted, you made it about you. 

I feel as if I am drowning in the ashes you left me as. I feel as if I keep burning, I feel as if I am nothing because of you.. I hate my body because of your brother and you. The stars gave you the wrong sign. Because you are a flame, you do not run calmly like the water, you are reckless and selfish like fire. You are just like your brother, like your father. 

I hope it hurts you to know that you hurt me. 

I hope you stay awake at night and can't sleep because of me. 

I hope you see my face and it haunts you. 

I hope you cry when you hear my name. 

So i ask again, how many more coals will you burn?

when will your flames be snuffed out? 

When will my broken pieces find their way out of the ashes and be put back together again?

[three-houses-text-files]

dimitri/mercedes

c-a support + paired ending

c (i?)

Mercedes: My goodness. Sword training again today? Don't overdo it, all right? Dimitri: I certainly won't, but thanks for your concern, Mercedes. It's more of a hobby than anything, so don't worry too much. M: A hobby? How wonderful! I would probably get tired of it, but that's just me. D: Hmm… Didn't you say you hoped to take the sword test soon? M: ... M: You're right! I completely forgot that's coming up! What should I do? D: To be honest, I've been a bit worried, as I haven't seen you at the training ground much. M: Why didn't you say something sooner if you were so worried about me? D: It didn't occur to me that you could have forgotten... But you're right, I should have mentioned it. D: As an apology, why don't you let me help you with your swordsmanship? M: You would do that for me? I'd really appreciate your help! D: OK, but keep in mind that since we're short on time...we may have to "overdo it" a little. M: I don't like to overdo it, but if we must. I'll try my best. D: It’s settled. Let's begin! D: Don’t tell me you've forgotten how to hold a sword! We have our work cut out for us... D: I usually just hold the sword without thinking about my grip, you know? Let's see what happens now that you've shown me the proper way to handle it. M: I was nervous at first, but just look at me now! Hya! D: Ugh… D: Well. I didn't realize offering to help you would mean risking my life. M: I-I'm so sorry! I don't know what happened! M: I just meant to swing the sword. I didn't think it would go flying like that! I'm impressed with how quickly you can dodge! D: Yes… I know you didn't intend to murder me. Though that scare likely took years off my life... M: Maybe I'm not cut out for this whole sword fighting thing. D: Nonsense. It's far too early to give up. D: The first time I picked up a sword, I was much like you. D: It’s true that different people are better suited to different things, but if you keep at it and refuse to give up, you're certain to improve. M: Do you really think so? Thank you, Dimitri. It's very kind of you to— Oh! M: There's a rip in your cuff, Dimitri. How do you think— D: Hm, it seems I didn't dodge your sword fast enough. Don't worry, I can easily repair it. M: I'm the one who tore it, so I'll be the one who mends it. How does that sound? D: No, please don't worry yourself over it. Just focus on your exam.

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c (ii?)

D: Mercedes. I'm sorry to ask this of you, but...will you lend me a hand? M: What can I do for you? Oh, is the cuff of your overcoat still torn? Mending that shouldn't be a problem at all. D: It’s pathetic, I know, but I fear my sewing skills are... Well, as you can see, they're just about nonexistent. M: Goodness! You must have been concerned when I tore your cuff. D: Ah, well... That is to say... D: Would you please teach me to sew? I hear you're rather amazing at it. M: Of course I'll teach you! Don't look so heartbroken. D: You will? Thank you! I owe you for this. M: I'll go get my sewing kit. You wait here. M: I'm so sorry, Dimitri. I've never seen, um... Well, it's just a bit... D: No need to dance around the issue. You're fed up with my clumsy efforts, aren't you? M: I thought you might end up bending some needles if you tried mending this on your own, but... M: How did you manage to break a pair of scissors? D: I-I’m just... I'm so sorry. Really. D: I try to be careful, but with delicate work like this, I just can't seem to manage. M: There's no need to apologize! But you must have been uncomfortable making your way here with this tear. D: My inability to control my own strength is humiliating. Of course I'm useless at needlework. M: No giving up on yourself. You just have to practice, that's all. M: No matter how difficult something is, if you keep at it and don't give up, then you're sure to improve. Isn't that what you told me? D: Right you are. To give into despair isn't like me. Thank you for the reminder. OK... I'm ready to give it another go. M: Great! I'm glad to hear it! First things first, let's make sure the needle is actually threaded this time. D: No! I bent another one!

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b

D: You’ve been spending a lot of time at the training ground, Mercedes. As far as swordsmanship goes, you're like a whole new person. M: Thank you! I have such a great time when you teach me that improving comes naturally! D: It’s all because of your own hard work. Compared to you, I... M: You shouldn't be so disappointed in yourself. You're improving too, you just need to keep at it. D: Well, I can hold a needle and thread without breaking anything now. That's...something. M: That's a big step! When we started, you couldn't even hold a pair of scissors without twisting them apart. D: True… I'm sorry for being such a burden. M: You're no bother at all! I like sewing with you. M: It reminds me of when I was young and my mother taught me how to sew. M: My mother would sit with my brother and me and we'd all sew together. M: Ah, I really miss it. Even though I was barely better than you when I started. M: Did your mother like to sew, Dimitri? D: My birth mother? From my father's accounts, she wasn't great at it either. M: Oh, of course. I forgot that the queen of Faerghus passed away long ago. D: Yes. I don't really remember what she was like. D: But I remember my stepmother...always sitting by the window, sewing away. M: I’m sure she would have been happy to teach you if you had asked. D: She always looked so lonely when she was sewing. So unreachable... D: She was kind to me, yes. But when she was like that, it was hard to talk to her. I'm not certain she would have wished to teach me. M: I'm so sorry, Dimitri. I didn't mean to bring up such difficult memories. D: Don’t worry about it. If I don't talk about those things sometimes, I'll risk forgetting them altogether. And that would truly be a shame. M: I see... D: Ah, but now I'm just going on and on about myself. Why don't you tell me more about you? M: More about me? Oh, goodness. I don't even know what to say. D: It’s hard to think of something on the spot, isn't it? You could speak of your family, I suppose. M: You want to know more about my family? On that topic, I'm happy to oblige. In fact, I'm so glad you asked. D: It’s important to think about your past and share it every now and then. M: This might take a while, but would you be willing to stay and listen? D: Of course. I will listen for as long as you wish.

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a

M: Good evening, Dimitri. Have you come to pray? D: Something like that. And you? M: Oh yes, that's why I'm here. I love how calm and peaceful the cathedral is this late at night. D: It really is... M: Coming here on a quiet night always makes me think of those who aren't with us anymore. M: We've lost so many in this war. Too many to count. M: I hope they all get to live in eternal happiness at the goddess's side... M: These prayers are all I have to offer. D: You are a kind soul, Mercedes. M: I think you're kind too, Dimitri. Sometimes to a fault. D: Kind? Me? No, not at all. I am just...a killer. A disgusting monster. M: But why do you kill? M: For the sake of your loved ones? Those who have passed? M: Real monsters kill for selfish reasons. They're incapable of expressing sorrow when they kill. M: So please...don't call yourself a monster. D: Mercedes… I... D: I am scared...so scared that I will forget their faces. D: The people who have died...who I have killed. I cannot let myself forget them. D: I know that, and yet... D: Whatever my feelings, it is all the act of a monster. M: It's sad, but the truth is that people forget. M: You may be afraid to forget your past, but you'll never be able to revisit it. M: Living in the present is the best we can do. We owe it to those who can't come back. D: If someone had said those words to me five years ago, I would be a different man today. M: What do you want to do now, Dimitri? Continue fighting for those who have died? M: Not as a king, but as my classmate. What do you want to do? D: My own dreams... I have never given it any thought. D: What about you? What do you want, Mercedes? M: I want to keep sewing and training with you, even after you've become king. I want to be your friend. D: But... I have no right to stand beside you. M: Please, I can't hear any more of this self-deprecation! M: I just want to be by your side. Is that so much to ask? D: Mercedes… D: I want the same thing. If you allow it... I wish to stay by your side. M: I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way. M: Let's spend a little more time here together. Just the two of us.

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paired ending

After his coronation, Dimitri assumed the throne of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus and took his friend, Mercedes, as his queen. Most were shocked by his choice, as she did not come from a distinguished noble line. Still, when the people saw her devotion to healing the damage caused by the war, they decided she was the ideal match for the one they called the Savior King. It is said that the couple led busy but happy lives, and that they never failed to express their appreciation for one another, no matter the hardship.