#i miss getting 8 hours of sleep
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omfg if this dog doesn't stop barking at night I'm going to mcfreakin cry
#ELLIE P L E A S E#she has never done this before oh my god 😭#idk what her problem is she doesnt bark like this during her daytime nap!! its just! at night now????#spirit chats#im soooo sleepy#i miss getting 8 hours of sleep#i miss 7 hours. 6 even!#ive been existing on 3-4 hour naps for the past 11 months. 5 hours if im REALLY lucky#i wish so bad i could trust her out of her crate at night but she gets into So. Much. Trouble. unsupervised. SO MUCH#idk what her problem has been the past 3 nights but on her last bathroom break its like she gets her second wind#and then REFUSES to go back to bed#like last night she woke up at 12 and did not go back to sleep until 7 in the morning which is her normal morning crate time#it was fucking awful#every time i tried to put her to bed EVEN THOUGH i KNOW she was tired she lost her mind barking#ughhhhh#i cant do that again lmao
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Good morning, Sleepyhead.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#'WWX was asleep for 4 days' is an incorrect factoid.#The average WWX sleeps for 8 hours. The PD-MDZS WWX who was asleep for 40 comics and 4 months is an outlier.#We are back to present day! I have missed drawing them!#Ah...the contrast between how the flashback ended (cold and distrustful) to how wwx wakes up (warm and watched over)...#The gap between the past and present is very important. Not just in this story but in our lives too.#The past can still hurt and it doesn't just go away with time as some say. It is the power of realizing that things have changed.#We can't get the good back. The bad memories have concluded. Those live somewhere else now.#It is hard to realize that you have to live for today and tomorrow. The past is so loud.#For WWX it is realizing that despite the mistrust in the past - He really does have faith that LWJ will be there for him.#It is the reflection of knowing that you changed and will keep changing and that change is good and kind sometimes.#But more importantly...and this I really do mean with all my heart:#It will all end up okay in the end. Even after the worst day. The most painful losses. You will get through it.#What feels like a breaking point is truthfully just another step you have to take. You'll get through it even though it feels like the end.#There are wonderful things you have yet to see. Friends you have yet to meet.#Even if it hurts so badly...one day it just aches. Someday you'll go a few weeks not remembering that it ever hurt.#Oh and because my izutsumi comic revealed many people were in need of hearing this:#You are loved. Right now. You are so loved right now. We just forget to tell each other that.#Go tell the people you love that they matter to you. I'm assigning you homework!!! You are graded on completion.
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today I will drink so much water & work out & sit under the sun & journal & eat good
#not in a celery juice athleisure influencer kind of way just like in an I need to nourish my body way#and also get in good hours of sleep bc why has that not been forthcoming lately#I miss my 8 hours
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post covid immune system when I catch you. POST COVID IMMUNE SYSTEM WHEN I CATCH YOU
#a couple nights of missed sleep adequate reasoning for a cold does not make!!!!#you cant just make me sick because i didn't get my 8 hours!!!! you dumb cunt!!!!!
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MOTHERFUCK i did not realize how much those antidepressants made me feel physically psychologically and dare i say spiritually like a peat mummy
literally 2 days off them and i've experienced more joy, lucidity, motivation and general good vibes than i did in the whole 2 months i was on them 😭😭
#now granted i did only sleep for 3 hours#but i felt more refreshed and energized today than i ever did when the pills forced me into 8 hours of pseudo-death a night#MY INTERNAL MONOLOGUE IS BACK TO NEVER SHUTTING TF UP#it was practically bones for so long oml#i'm usually annoyingly verbose but i was only able to say like 5 words at a time before i forgot how to end my sentence#yeah i'm prolly gonna lose the rose tinted glasses in a few days when the novelty wears off but for now#it's so nice to feel like myself and not like a lobotomized skinwalker trying to wear my own mannerisms convincingly#(obvsly they help some ppl or they wouldn't be an option to prescribe but GOD they fit my brain chemistry as well as a fork fits an outlet)#<<<<<<I CAN DO THAT AGAIN!!! I MISSED MY STUPID METAPHORS AND MY BAD PUNS AND MY SLIGHTLY OUT OF POCKET JOKES#i was fucking trying but it fundamentally doesn't work if u Try#yoda moment but whatever#yippeee#god did they fucking '''cure''' my ADHD instead of my depression#ok if this is what some ppl's experience of ADHD meds is like then the 'they made me feel like a robot' thing makes a LOT more sense#personally they just make me feel like. yk that one comic abt ADHD with the dog metaphor#yeah amphetamines my beloved let me hold the leash rather than becoming a human dogsled to the whims of my psyche#actually i think i was rather uncharitable to my current dream mask normal pills#i just happened to get mega bitch burnout for 3 months and then spend 2 in the aforementioned peat bog where souls go to die#when not impeded by outside circumstances i think they actually are completely fine#maybe not QUITE as agressively effective as my previous prescription but the ritalin was str8 up harsh#i tried it again for a week and it made my heart beat like it was being powered by a caffienated hamster#but when i used to take it i was already experiencing Real paranoid gerbil anxiety so it just kinda blended in#i only noticed the Severe Health Issue i got bundled as a side effect#and i keep having to remind myself not to go rose-tinted abt how bad it rlly was in retrospect#do i just need to leave a sticky note on my mirror like 'hey dumbass that was NOT a net positive period of ur life'#lexi stfu challenge
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I will never forgive that one youtuber who said "chuck mcgill is worse than walter white".
The man is literally just a socially anxious, unfunny, jealous older sibling. What he does to Jimmy is in no way comparable--in any universe--to what Walter White, or even Mike--did to Albuquerque. The harm that Chuck internalized himself was far worse than anything he did to anyone in his life.
#eldest child syndrome feeling the eldest child syndrome#i am soo so so tired of men missing the point of bad asshole shitty awful male characters#*war flashbacks to my dad watching jimmy scream at howard and unironically say 'he's exactly right'*#fjdkljfdsal dad YOU are the teensy tiny man in a teensy weensy little bubble#WE ARE ALL TEENSY TINY MEN IN TEENSY WEENSY LITTLE BUBBLES#we are small but for the small ripples of kindness we make in life#i;m so tired y'all i need to get to bed#GOD I MISS THIS SHOW SO MUCH#i forget about it for a solid... 8 months at a time then i have like an hour long session a few times a year of this sharp acute *ache*#in my heart#because this show rewired my brain in so many ways it was a lightning jolt to my hearttt#ok#i am going. to. sleep. sorry this is such a ramblee
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i miss the era of internet where all we got were anime fansubs made by people who had the time to do what they enjoyed
#translations of everything have started to suck more and more each passing year. everything is rushed out so quick theres no time to#localize literally anything#this is specifically the OFFICIAL dunmeshi anime subtitles saying theres not going to b a duck with an onion or something#ok. that wouldnt have even needed localization. you just didnt translate the fucking thing. you cannot take a saying and directly translate#all the words in it and expect people to get it#also theres a culture of ppl who know a language being like 'uhm. why did you translate it like that when it literally means xyz'#like yeah sure i'm sure translating everything directly ignoring the original prose and flow and meaning is going to be great#yakuza is the only game series i trust to b translated properly tbh. bc of the safe sects joke.#i wish ppl hiring translators a very pay them more and give them more time to work#is this rant even coherent. after ages i managed to fall asleep around 4 am and sleep a whopping 2 hours before waking up#and then i tried to go back to sleep bc i am so incredibly tired but then the clock hit 8 am (i have one of those clocks that chimes every#hour) and i just gave up and decided i need to write down what ive been thinking about for#the past half an hour#though i feel this is missing over half the context i thought of but idk bc im so very tired gdhwbfks
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ok mutuals. so we’ve established that i am extremely mentally ill about my job due to fomo and projection issues 🤪😻✨so i rarely let myself turn things down or take breaks or whatever. but im trying to be better about that and in the last couple of weeks like.. i took 2 days off last week and will take another one tomorrow and yesterday i started getting cr*mps so i pulled out of facilitating the orientation sessions bc i was like im in pain and this is one too many things and like.. if it sucks hit da bricks yk. but last night i got my p*riod and i didn’t sleep well and i feel so lightheaded and my cramps are horrible now… and it’s like. literally the only thing i have to do on campus today is orientation which is a nightmare anyway. so maybe i should skip it again and work from home today bc i NEVER let myself do that anymore bc im afraid to miss anything in the office (and also i don’t take anything like pain meds bc my family is insane 🤪 so i would be going thru cramps relying only on my heating pad and i do have one in the office but it’s obviously not the smae thing as like lying down with it and also if i do orientation then im flying solo for 2 hours ON MY FEET the whole time and this time id have to walk around a lot more bc of some of the changes we made). but then im like well ive come to work w worse cramps before and also i feel bad leaving my one colleague bestie alone in the office todsy (the other one is on vacation) esp bc im already taking another day off tomorrow. but then it’s like.. well i shouldn’t worry abt that i need to do what feels good for me. so idk that was kinda rambling and i was going to ask if u think i should stay home but i think typing that out… i am going to.
#purrs#menstruation tw#idk. like maybe.. when i hwbe my period… as long as im living in a place where i don’t have access to pain meds (and even once i am i think#it’s goi my to take a lot for me to take them bc i am scared of them thanks to all the things my parents have said about them over the years#😻👍 so i will need to work up to / out of that)… i should be easy on myself when i have my period and am dealing w cramps bc you can’t predic#predict when they come and the heating pad only does so much. and yeah im the only person in the office who gets periods rn but that doesn’t#mean i should rough it out and suffer bc i don’t want to miss anything like if i have the option to work et home for a day when i need to i#should take it even if im not at like a level 8-10 pain wise when i make that call bc i very well could be a couple hours from that point.#i feel lkke im not articulating myself well bc im lightheaded from exhaustion and bad sleep and also my ut*rus trying to strangle me. but#yeah i think. maybe i will work from home today and just have a very easy day. but i feel terrible about it. lol
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For everyone telling me to go to sleep, at least be glad that I’m not doing my marathon nap-work-nap-work thing that I did last year. Yet. There’s always time.
#hopefully I don’t have to resort to that this semester but it’s not looking great!#what a nightmare sleep schedule#i was doing a 4 hour nap per 8 hours of animating and it was awful#at one point I accidentally got a healthy amount of sleep and almost missed my final deadline#anyways#gotta get back to work! see you again in like 10 minutes when I inevitably get bored again#personal
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J U S T D A I
#missed my oshi so i’m forcing y’all to look at him too~#not me thinking about dai instead of sleeping when i have only ~3 hours left to sleep lmaoooooo#it’s always dai hours <3 thinking about dai 25/8 hours/days a week g o—#i love him sooooo much y’all don’t understand—#he always chooses chaos and violence (love me a guy who shares my values like that yk—)#he’s a great artist and an even greater loser <3#he can be both cool af and super adorbs (megu would agree <3)#though!!!! i think he’d look super cool in a hakama!!!!! those always look great on tall people/dudes with good proportions#like there’s this ~2m tall guy in my club who moves soooo gracefully in his hakama while i’m just there like [steps on own hakama] [rips it]#so yeah!!!! ft4 new years event plspspspspspsps p l s get dai in a hakama i’ll pay real moneys to see that👀👀👀👀👀#‘dai’ly shitpost of the day
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i had 2 stay home from school 2day bc my mouth hasnt stopped hurting yet and obvs i cant bring pain pills 2 school. my mouth hasnt gotten any better since the day of the surgery so i may have 2 stay home 2morrow as well. the oral surgeon said i need 2 come in i think 2morrow afternoon if my mouth still doesn't feel better so that's not concerning at all /s
#every night ive been waking up w excruciating pain bc i have 2 take ibuprofen every 8 hours#and the time i have 2 take it keeps winding up being at like 2 am. i tried setting alarms so i can take it on time and see if that helps#but it does not :( my mouth hurts so fucking bad every night. im so sleep deprived :(#i woke up sweating and crying at 3 am this morning bc my mouth hurt so bad#not 2 mention i miss food :(#my family had hamburgers last night and i couldnt eat one and i was sooo sad#it's a lil silly but i did cry abt it bc i feel like ill never get better :( nothing is improving
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its like 4.40am which sucks because like. I should be asleep I hate that this has just become normal and I'm only just starting to feel like I can sleep but also like. a lot of friends are awake now. and I have to go to sleep and its like noooo i wanna hang out too dont go where I cant follow
#i also have. such a hang up about calling people friends. its either the autism or the years of isolation but im so scared im-#-crossing boundaries or being too clingy or weird ansjdjfk and I dont want to guilt people into saying theyre my friend#ANYWAY. sleep schedules and time zones suck. and having the 16 hours awake 8 hours asleep schedule sucks when#technically its 16 hours in bed and 8 hours out of bed#miss breadroll has gotten too used to that and gets VERY upset and clingy if im not available to cuddle her#egg talks
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IM A LITTLE WORRIED THO BC LIKE. I DONT HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABT AT ALL..
#i havent rly Done anything whatsoever. im literally the unemployed friend#HOPEFULLY NOT FOR LONG. KNOCK KNOCK (sound of me knocking on wood)#but im worried theyll be like Soooo hows washington ^-^ and ill just be like umm. well. there is a window in my room. Whichh is pretty cool#<- joke i have like. been outside of the house a couple times...#very few actually. but its okay#going to see family will FIX ME. and when i come back ill HOPEFULLY (knock knock) have a job. whichll be great#and then ill be so busy and making money that i wont even have time to be depressed anymore#bc its FULLTIME !!!#8 hour shift 5 days a week 😏 soo yeah. my bones r gonna be sore 😏😏😏#but ill get over it and cope eventually. AND ill get to be somewhere other than The house 💀#i do like our house but i think im being driven insane just being here all the time. sometimes i sit on the porch#and like once every couple of weeks i go out for whatever reason. if i didnt SLEEP IN so much maybe id be able t run errands with hal more#butterlass. no i do rly need t fix it#im hoping going back t ky for a bit will kickstart it bc likee. when i first got here i was actually sleeping like..perfect schedule mode#id go to bed around 10-12 and wake up around 7-9. which is ideal..#BUT#Even if that doesnt. the job (knock knock) will force me t keep schedule#which is great. my last job aaaabsolutely forced me t keep schedule and it was rly rly nice..#no matter how late i stayed up i ALWAYS woke up on time. which is good. and i nevee rly had 2 nap after#im so excited for my workday schedule to come back bc i miss the routine of it#even tho the routine was rly just In the morning and the rest was a free for all..#ill also. this time around. make sure t include my morning meds and brushing my TEEF... bc i need t grt better abt that#im also gonna try n shower more often.. ive been managing abt every 3 days which im rly rly proud of bc its rly hard 4 me#but hopefullyy. with my schedule 😏😏 i could do daily showers...#prolly after work showers even. bc that sounds so nice#its judt hard bc Also after work the last thinng i want 2 do is be standing. bc i get so achy.. esp after an 8 hour shift#hopefully this job will be noce though. IF I GET IT. KNOCK KNOCK#i need t not like. place all my eggs in this basket bc if i dont get it im gonna be fucking crushed#but im rly rly rly hopeful. like reaaaally hopeful...#teehee :]] basically yayyy
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"I'm always so tired, I should give myself 10 more minutes to sleep" vs "I'm always so tired, I need those 10 more minutes to get ready in time" 😐
#i am a fool who should have gone to bed earlier... not even a full 8 hours of sleep for me tonight :( gn!! 🌃#doddie redet#I miss when I could function on 5-6 hours of sleep... like not every day but only 5 hours of sleep once in a while was fine#now I get 8 and I feel terrible 😐
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life is a constant cycle of "if i do my physio will i have time to shower?" "if i shower will i have time to cook food?" "if i cook food will i have time to wash dishes?" "if i wash dishes will i have time to do laundry?" "if i do laundry will i have time to clean my house?" "if i clean my house will i have time to eat?" "if i do the things necessary for living will i have time to do my hobbies?" and between it all is Working A Job and having to replace things as they break without being able to buy anything you actually want
#i'm a little cynical currently#i have to buy a new mattress before my mom comes to stay#but i've needed new pillows for longer#and i need to save up for a minor surgery this summer god knows if i'll be able to#and my bread keeps getting moldy before i can eat it all#and i didn't have time to do my physio today because i had to do laundry and shower and cook#and in between all that i haven't had any time to do my hobbies#and now it's 10:20pm and if i go to sleep right now i'll get less than 8 hours of sleep but i want to write#or finish reading this graphic novel a coworker lent me#and i worked 7 days last week and i'll be working on easter friday and sunday this week#and because i'm salary i don't get extra money for doing that#idr the last time i had a day off where i didn't have to go anywhere#i'm getting saturday off this week and i have to go to my dad's house for dinner because i had to cancel sunday#and i really want to sit down for a day and just write and draw because i miss it#damn#i need to use my vacation days soon or i'll go insane#i built a frame for a painting yesterday while i was at work out of stolen materials#it's sitting on my coffee table unfinished#idk when i'll be able to paint and finish and hang it#idek where it's gonna go maybe it'll be the first thing hung in my bedroom or something
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one thing I will be doing is having travel anxiety (woot)
#beef trimmings#its gotten better due to the reptition and relative same-ness of the travel#i.e. going from my uni town back home ive done it multiple times now so its LESS anxiety than if I was#going someplace new but <3#wow that irrational fear can hit strong its only 8 pm#i say like I only just started worrying about this but Ive been stressing and worrying since uhm sunday#im like ' what if I oversleep and miss my noon train and my evening flight and die'#as if I dont have a history of sleeping like maybe 4 or 5 hours max. before any travel ever#simply bc my anxiety gets so bad#' what if I cant take out the trash n do the dishes in under 5 hours'#ok. be real#I should put on another cffc broadcast and chill the fuck out
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