diorrrouge

[space-ninja-fashion-show]

Suddenly remembering that Tekla fuckin loves spreadsheets and data management and whatnot

Now, warframes are about as close to tech as a pile of depressed meat can get, and they were made to be able to interface with the orokin and tenno technology they're surrounded by (or the technology surrounding them was made to interface with them, in a lot of cases). This includes a lot of things like getting diagnostics on their own state and hacking things like they're in a movie, but it also includes just regular old interfacing with file systems and future-emails and whatnot without needing a physical console and UI

So Tekla could very much do their data management by plugging into the relevant console and just sitting there like a sad USB stick in a cloak

They also don't actually do that, bc they don't Enjoy it

They do their computer stuff entirely in the Normal Human Way, with a screen and keyboard and everything, bc they find it so much more comfortable and engaging like that. It technically makes them weird which is wholly in character for them but also everyone is nice enough about it that it no longer makes them anxious

[crayooongle]

Just a little help (1.6k)

Kōtarō Bokuto x (f)reader

cw: unprotected sex, (f)receiving, oral, just a smidgen of overstimulation

pet names: baby, princess

summary: 

your boyfriend just got home from a game with some extra energy and he really needs your help draining it

 You truly hated how long this essay was taking you to write. You were hoping you would’ve been done before today but your constant procrastination put your goal to an immediate stop. It’s not that you didn’t know how to write a good essay, or that you couldn’t; but it’s not like your boyfriend was much of a help either. Whenever he’d come home to your shared apartment after practice or a game he’d cling right onto you like a koala. You knew if you’d accept his needy acts of affection you’d end up not getting any work done but he was just too cute to resist. 

 Today was gonna be different- at least you hoped it would be. Your boyfriend had a game today and you were planning on putting your foot down as soon as he tried falling into his typical routine. You were sure you would finally get to finish this assignment and turn it in by today if you just gently let Bokuto know he’d have to hold off on kisses and cuddling until you were done. 

 Just as you finished the 3rd page out of your 5 page essay, you decide to head to the kitchen for a little snack. With perfect timing your front door flung right open revealing your still sweaty boyfriend. His eyes lit up and a huge grin appeared on his face as soon as he saw you. 

“Y/N!!!” He cheered as he sprinted towards you to pick you up and spin you around as if you were a Disney princess. 

“I missed you so much. What’d you do today? Did you miss me? Did you eat?” He bombarded you with questions while holding you in his strong arms.

“I missed you too Bo calm down.” You giggled, “I really need to finish my essay today, can you just leave me alone until I’m done?” You ask and make sure to place a soft kiss on Bokuto’s cheek. 

He completely deflated and frowned, “finee”.

“Thank youuu, i promise we can watch a movie tonight as soon as I’m done. Now go shower, you smell like ass.” 

“I do NOT smell like ass,” he huffed seemingly offended, you just pushed him towards your shared bathroom instead of fighting with him. As soon as he hopped in the shower you went right back to typing away at your laptop. 

 It was a reoccurring theme for Bokuto to have left over energy after a game. Whenever he did, he usually just turned to you for help. Not to mention, Bokuto has a lot of stamina so he’d usually end up going several rounds with you but you didn’t mind it. Expectedly, today was one of those days but unfortunately you’d requested he’d leave you alone. He didn’t that think this would be a problem until he took his shorts off and saw how erect he was.

Bokuto tried to ignore it as he scrubbed himself clean but simply couldn’t. He just wasn’t able to get you off his mind. All the times he would have you in a mating press while slowly drilling into you were racing through his head. The way he’d maintain eye contact with you every-time you came was having his dick throbbing.  He got so accustomed to you letting him fuck the spare energy away that he didn’t realized how much he relied on you for these types of problems.

 Bokuto tried to just rub one out in the shower but no matter what he couldn’t finish. These lewd thoughts of you were all he could think about but his hand was simply not enough. Frustration was building up, he would’ve felt horrible asking you for help but it seemed like it was the only thing he could do. Bokuto finally gave up and stepped out the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist before making his way to the shared bedroom. Your eyes trailed his body once he walked in. The mixture of the way the water was glistening against his toned body, his hair down and slightly wet, and his towel hanging low exposing his V-line made butterflies swarm in your stomach. You two had been dating for about 3 years but every-time he got out the shower you couldn’t help but get flustered. 

 You drag your eyes back down to your laptop so you can focus on your work.

“You need some help baby?” Bokuto asked as he set his towel to the side. 

 “Oh yeah actually, can you just proof read-“ Bokuto cut you off by opening your legs and crawling in between them. 

 “Bo… what are you-“ You trail off while keeping your eyes on him. Out of sheer embarrassment you try to close your legs but Bokuto forces them open a bit aggressively. He continued by grabbing onto your thighs kissing his way up your body, slowly moving closer to your pussy. 

 You move your laptop to the side so Bokuto can remove your shorts and underwear. He got right back to work after that, starting by placing gentle kisses on your pussy. You subconsciously bucked your hips upward, the anticipation was growing and it was killing you.

 Bokuto began to lick slow long stripes against your pussy, you whined as you craved more. You slip your fingers into his still wet hair and you noticed Bokuto was grinding against the bed. He was definitely desperate for some sort of relief. 

 Bokuto ate you out like a starving man, it was messy but, the way he never made it seem like a chore to him always turned you on. He moved one hand off your thigh to bring it to your clit, he rubbed it as he hastily licked, sucked and kissed your pussy. He could tell you were getting close just by the way your legs were shaking around him and your moans were getting louder. 

 “It feels good, doesn’t it princess?” Bokuto asks in between kisses.

“Mhmm, so good needa cum soon,” is all you can let out, you’re too focused on the pleasure. Bokuto speeds up, he wants nothing more than for you to cum on his tongue and he’s determined to make sure it happens. 

 “Ahh, Bokuto im gonna cum,” Just as expected, you throw your head back and finish but Bokuto isn’t done. He starts to lick up the rest of your juices spilling out, making sure nothing goes to waste. You can’t do anything more than whine and beg for him to give you a break, it was just too much for you to take. After a couple more seconds he backs off and instead goes up to pull you into a heated kiss. He grabs your hand and places it right on his fully hard cock. You wrap your hand around it and slowly move your hand up and down. Bokuto groans in the kiss, he moves away from your lips to kiss at your neck instead.

“Please Y/N, I really need you,” He begs in between kisses. 

You continue to move your hand at a teasingly slow pace, Bokuto’s frustration only builds up.

 He flipped you over so you could be on top. Then, he grabbed onto your hips and put you in reverse cowgirl. He didn’t give you anytime to adjust, he just slammed you down against his cock. You yelped in response, Bokuto was far from small. His dick wasn’t the longest but there was enough girth for him to easily tear your pussy. 

 He had his hands on your hips to make sure you didn’t stop. He was just so close he couldn’t handle you delaying his release any longer.

“Say my name,” Bokuto let out in between moans

“Ahh Bokuto” You whined while rolling your hips.

Seemly dissatisfied with your answer, Bokuto sat up a bit to slide his arm around your neck and pull closer against him. 

“I said, say my name,” he growled right in your ear.

“Koutarou!” You practically screamed out. 

Bokuto pulled out so he could bend you over instead, he immediately slammed right back into you. You were gripping onto the bedsheets while your face was stuffed into your pillow. Bokuto wasn’t holding back at all. His hands were digging into your waist as he slid in and out of you with ease. His thrusts were getting messier and messier, he right on the edge of finishing.

“You gonna cum for me baby?” Bokuto groaned as he was trying to hold himself back from cumming right inside you at that very moment.

“Mhmm, im gonna cum,” you moaned.

Bokuto sped up, the room with filled with moans and the sound of skin slapping against each other. You were sure your neighbors could hear but that didn’t matter to either of you. 

“Fuck ahh, Y/N you feel so good,” Bokuto whined and threw his head back as he came. You came right after him and collapsed on the bed from exhaustion. 

 You both took a moment to calm down and catch your breath. But soon after, Bokuto scooped you up in his arms and cradled you like a baby. 

“Thank you so much Y/N, i loovvee youuu. Im really sorry for distracting you from your work,” he moved his head down kiss your forehead. 

“I love you too,” you playfully rolled your eyes at him.

He then got up to bring you to the bathroom so he could lovingly give you a bath as a sorry for interrupting you from finishing your assignment. Thankfully, you had enough energy to finish it after the bath.

[brighter-by-the-daly]

Mary Earps x Reader

Flatmates & Handshakes

Part of the Beth McCarthy mini song series

Friendship Bracelet

I'm not bitter

I'm happy you're happy, it's just

I loved you first

And it's not like it was easy

But we had each other

Now you have another

And I hate it, I hate it

So go ahead and burn my friendship bracelet

Your eyes were locked in, eyebrows furrowed and squinting slightly to assert dominance as you sauntered up to the penalty spot opposite Mary. She had that dirty smirk on her face that she does when she’s trying to intimidate people but that doesn’t work on you - she knew that so you wondered why she’s even trying! You’d been friends for years and became roommates after you both joined Man U but since moving to Barcelona, you’re now on the opposite side of the field. As the ref tried to sort out a ruckus between the players behind, you cemented the spot as yours. Nobody knows you like Mary.. but nobody knows Mary like you either. Endless days of practicing penalties against her probably makes her think she can read you like a book. But you know her tactics too; how she reads body language and positioning, studies every member of a team before a game and has player stats on her water bottle. You noticed she didn’t check it for you though, clearly thinking she had this one in the bag. Since leaving the country for Spain you hadn’t kept in contact at all, she’d unfollowed you on social media and blocked your number. It’s sad but it’s not your fault, she’s the one that ruined the friendship.

From teenagers you’d grown into women together, spending nights holding each other’s hair back over a toilet is where your friendship blossomed after your under 19 games. She was a liability but she was your liability and equally you were hers - always taking it in turns to be the sensible one. As you grew up, both of you realised you wanted to take football more seriously and those nights became few and far between… probably for the best really! Your late nights turned into bleary eyed car rides and sitting on the boot analysing the stars. Sometimes you would catch yourself missing it when you were driving home in the dark by yourself, wondering if she looks at the stars and thinks of you too. Those were the days when days were simple. You had plans to grow old together in the same care home causing havoc everyday but moving in together you soon realised you weren’t compatible as roommates. Well.. it wasn’t Mary that was the problem, she was your platonic soulmate, it was her boyfriend that caused the breakdown in your friendship. Mary’s boyfriend took great offence to the different people you bought home most weekends, he didn’t want Mary around that and for someone who never had a problem with it, she soon took his side over yours. You were young and single, what else was there to do? She used to be like that too until she wanted something better.

You’re not bitter, you just hate the way things were left. It was a huge row fuelled by her boyfriend being home one night when you bought yet another person back to the flat. He lit the spark, making one simple comment then sat back and watched Mary implode; throwing you out along with all of your belongings in the middle of the night. Ripping her friendship bracelet off like you would a wedding ring and throwing it as she slammed the door in your face. Luckily, that’s when Barca approached and just in time to get you out of the WSL and out of the country.

Unfortunately for you though Man U had qualified for the Champion’s League this season which meant playing them and her in the quarter final. There’s nothing you would have loved more than to be benched for this game but you’d really come on leaps and bounds since being at Barca. They’d developed your game into something you could have only dreamed about when you were little and was now a firm starter on the team. Unluckily for Mary, you were their star penalty taker too.

After one misplaced and badly timed tackle caused Geyse to fall to the floor inside the box, a penalty was immediately awarded. The score was currently 1-1 and with not a lot of time left on the clock, this was your time to shine. Mary had the longest clean sheet streak in the WSL and was only a few games away from making women’s football history. You know how much keeping her clean sheet means to her which meant you had to break it. There’s nothing you want more than to rip her streak away from her and rub that smug look off of her face.

You knew she would never expect you to shoot with your left foot, but that’s just one skill you’d picked up in Spain that she didn’t know about yet. Yeah, it’s your weaker foot but it’s your highest chance of getting it past the best goalie in the world - as much as you hated her winning that award, you knew she deserved it. The ref’s whistle hurtled through your ears as you started your run up. Making sure you didn’t give her any inkling of what way you were going until the last possible second. Watching her dive left as you shot right -

GOOOOOAAAAALLLLL!!!!!

Not waiting for the ball to hit the back of the net you ran to the fans, knee sliding into the corner as you were bundled from behind by your teammates. One by one the bodies plucked themselves from you just as they were replaying the goal on the big screen. Looking up to see Mary’s pissed off face projected onto it made you the happiest you’d been in ages, revenge certainly feels sweet!

Confidently taking your time strolling to the middle of the pitch to restart, nothing could wipe the happy little smirk off your face. Touching the ball a few times before the final whistle blew and cementing your team into the championship final. Shaking hands with your old teammates who passed you and chatting to the few who stopped to catch up, you didn’t see Mary approach from behind. Gloved hands grabbed your shoulders and turned your body around to face her, “when did you learn to shoot with your left foot?” her voice sounding annoyed and a little impressed at the same time. “Few months ago, been saving it for a special occasion” you shrugged, not knowing what the reaction would be to your response. “Oh and you thought ruining my streak was a special occasion aih?” her voice animated as she nudged your ribs. “It was the only way I’d get it past the best goalie in the world” a hint of sarcasm in your sentence raised a small one sided smile from your ex best friend. “If anyone was going to ruin it, I’m glad it was you” taking your hand in hers and pulling your chests into each other. Disentangling your limbs you sensed a slight glimmer in both your eyes, wondering if the other remembered your old handshake. A few seconds passed as the situation was assessed by both of you before bursting into amateur dramatics and performing the handshake that was created on your 17th birthday.

Laughing together in the middle of the pitch you stopped suddenly, tilting your head to one side and sighing. “I’ve missed you” taking the first step of admitting the truth about the estranged friendship. Throwing her arm around your shoulders as you walked towards the dugouts, “me too, we’ve got lots to catch up on” Mary smiled disappearing up the tunnel together, loud giggling echoing off the metal walls.

[son1c]

On the topic of chimera Sonic, Tails must be going THRU it

First a dragon like creature kidnaps his brother

then he has to venture into the dungeon to save him

then when he finds his older brother he’s not acting like himself and has feathers, wings and has the body of a freaking LION from the waist down

Then he has to presumably watch him kill people

And then after all that Tails finds out that Sonic died

That poor boy 😔 (im living for the angst)

And speaking of when Tails encounters Sonic again, does he find him already transformed or does he find him before in that trance-like state Falin was in when she snuck out the window in the middle of the night after she was resurrected? Or is it something different entirely?

Chimera Sonic is legitimately rotting my brain /pos

OKAY SO... i've been doing some thinking about this crossover... and i've decided that sonic got kidnapped specifically because of his gauntlet. which ofc he's wearing again now that he's back in the satbk world.

but why did falin want his gauntlet? well... it's not that SHE wanted it, but she was told to get it. and sonic, the stubborn bastard, refused to give it up, so she ended up just taking him with it.

what's so special about the gauntlet? well, after sonic left camelot at the end of satbk, merlina gave up her goal of creating an undying world. but... wizards are peculiar things, aren't they? she spent all that time studying necromancy. all those hours laboring over ancient texts. even if she's not going to go through with her plan anymore, she still has the ego to preserve her hard work.

so, she split up her research. the spells she crafted are broken up like puzzle pieces and scattered throughout the satbk world... and one line of it, she had engraved on the inside of sonic's gauntlet. (for nostalgia? maybe. but she also knew the gauntlet would be protected within the walls of the castle.)

but yeah. falin was ordered to retrieve the gauntlet. so that's precisely what she did. as for why thistle wants it... well, he wants to reconstruct the spell of eternal life that merlina created because he believes it will bring back delgal. so he's on a mission to gather all the artifacts with her spell.

right. so, sonic and tails. sonic was summoned to the satbk world via magic portal (exactly like the last time he went there). tails got dragged along because they were standing literally right next to each other and of course tails is gonna follow him through the weird sketchy portal! they don't call him sonic's best bud for nothing, you know!

but who opened the magic portal??? well, it was merlina. sorry for the spoilers. she's currently "missing" in the land of camelot, and she doesn't greet sonic or tails when they fall through her portal. like i said in a previous post, there's about a day that goes by where everything is... normal... and sonic and tails get to explore the castle and converse with the knights and catch up on the goings-on of the world and stuff.

merlina's deal here is that she's working with thistle. in the first game, merlina appeared to be a good guy until it was revealed she was the twist villain. this time, she seems like the bad guy... until it's revealed she's actually trying to stop thistle. see, she knows power when she sees it. and thistle is a huge threat. so, she's working "with" him in order to find a weakness and stop him. that's also why she called sonic back to this world... because she knew she was going to need his help.

unfortunately, things didn't go as she'd planned. falin delivering sonic's gauntlet along with his DEAD BODY to thistle shocks her. but it's fine. she can work with this--she hopes. things get a little tricky when thistle wants to dispose of sonic though, and merlina has to come up with an excuse for him NOT to do that.

cuz she can't let thistle know that she knows sonic. that would make her look suspicious. after all, she summoned him to camelot IN SECRET to help her TAKE DOWN thistle. so, she claims that she can sense an immense power within sonic and that he might be "useful" to them... so they shouldn't let him go to waste. thankfully, this works. and thistle is like "ok slay" (not his exact words).

merlina revives sonic with the magic she's learned from thistle. sonic then has about 5 seconds to process coming back to life, seeing merlina, and also some other weird elf guy before said elf guy steps in and turns him into a chimera using a bottled monster soul.

merlina also wasn't expecting this, by the way. but she's a very "ends justify the means" type of person and that hasn't changed. so, she promises to succeed in stopping thistle as she watches him turn her friend into a monster before her eyes.

[scourgiez]

(tumblr made this so crunchy, click for a better res!)

(Edit: I added more stuff and changed some things because yeah I’m obsessed w these two)

love love everyone’s headcanons about Astarion’s now-forgotten family and decided to make my own! As well as my own story about them. I hope my handwriting is readable :”)

As for a brief summary of his parents, (at the start of the BG3 game, because I headcanon them to still be alive somewhere)

Analelle is a moon high elf and is 391 years old. Definitely the smarts of the family. Very quiet and discrete yet cunning when she wants to be. Has a permanent “knowing look”. Usually about 2-3 steps ahead of you at all times.

Lithuryn is a half sun/half moon high elf and is 410 years old. Has dreams of being a noble within Baldur’s Gate and living lavishly with the other nobles there. He isn’t home very much. His work usually takes over his life.

Lots and lots more, sorry folks but i went crazy about these two:

Analelle and Lithruyn lived in Evereska, both working in politics or law within the community and meeting each other through their work. They weren’t exactly nobles within the community but they were very well-off and would be considered upper class. You can headcanon whatever age you want for Astarion but I always lean towards ~240 because it makes the most sense game-wise. They had him when they were in their 150s (about. Math x—x) while still in Evereska, however he only lived there until he was about 15 or so. (I have toyed with the idea of him having an older sibling (about +60 years or so) who ran off and became a druid after they loved to Baldurs Gate and hasn’t really contacted the family since…but that’s just a random theory because fun fact! I read somewhere that High elves are pretty infertile and usually only have a family of 3. So yeah I will leave out rebellious older Druid sibling for now. For now…)

The Ancunin's arrived to Baldur's Gate to work for a highly regarded law firm. This place was the cat's meow even though life was definitely different than it was in Evereska, as they were nobles there. Here, while they are still very wealthy, aren't exactly bumping elbows with the Baldurian nobles. (yet)

Even though they were still forming these connections, they were pretty popular within the elven communities in the city. This unfortunately was how Cazador was alerted to their presence and began his “hunt”. Really, they were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Astarion had a target on his back for a long time before he died.

Astarion becomes a magistrate through these connections his parents have been making. They absolutely pull strings for him and we’re able to land him a very nice, high-paying job even if Astarion was a little under qualified for the position. Everyone was happy not only because of his job, but that given his upper class clientele he can easily work his way into becoming the Baldurian noble his parents were hoping for. Even if he was corrupt and not the best of people.

The story goes on and as you all know Astarion dies in his mid/late 30's due to the Gur attack. I have more headcanons regarding elf age here, which also talks about how elves dying due to murder is extremely rare in elven communities, so Analelle and Lithuryn just thought it literally could never happen. As for age, I can't describe it all here (it's all in the post I linked), but no Astarion was far from being a "child" biologically, he did however lack the life experience of someone who would have made it to 100 years old.

When they find that Astarion’s grave was defaced and his body missing, they were completely outraged. They were angrily contacting every single high noble of Baldur’s Gate and were on a wild emotionally-charged manhunt to find whoever did this. Cazador knew about this (duh) and started up his plan on how to deal with it. He purposely picks the people that don’t have many connections, but he clearly underestimated how involved the Ancunin family was. It was, at that point, easier to have the town turn against them than kill them and cause a big stink.

This all happened throughout the course of... a week or so. They were getting threatened every day, lost their jobs quickly, and their old noble connections turned against them. Unsure of how Cazador would do this but I can imagine he is really really good at it. They had to leave Baldur's Gate out of fear, never really knowing what happened to Astarion and generally being confused about the whole thing. This is also why Astarion never just. ran into them when he was prowling the streets and even if he had memory of them he wouldn't know where they went, and also why his grave stone was so unkept.

I can’t decide if they picked up their pieces back at Evereska and lived a modest life there, trying not to be noticed, or if they now live away from civilization in order to stay safe. It’s sad but unfortunately that’s just the way it goes with vampires :”)

As for eyes, I headcanon Astarion’s eyes to be blue with gold flecks (like his father’s) because I headcanon him to be a moon elf along with his mom. As much as I adore golden eyes him being a moon elf just makes so much sense! I might change my opinion at random because I’m so indecisive.

Anyway, I hope my incoherent rambles make sense. If i forgot something important lore-wise and it doesn’t fit in with these headcanons… let me know, but if anything this can be an AU. I spent so much time thinking abt it lol.

[xxnashiraxx]

24, 37, 53, 56 and 63 for the writer ask game! 🥰❣️

Thank you for asking, lovely friend! You can find the original post here!

24. Worst Writing Advice Anyone Ever Gave You? I don't have too many instances where I'd specifically reached out and asked, honestly I was trying to hide it as much as possible, haha. But I think the one that sticks out the most, through no particular source, would be to write all the time, constantly. That doesn't help you, it drains you and takes a horrible mental toll on you if you don't regulate yourself and take a break from time to time. I struggle with feeling like I should always be doing something, always be productive, but trust me- taking a nice step back from time to time can actually help waaaay more. 🖤🖤

37. How Do You Choose Where to End a Chapter? This is such a good question- I like to make a slight impact with my chapter endings and I guess, though it really isn't this complicated in my head when I'm doing it, is to play on an emotion. For romance, I could end on angst or longing, for complicated feelings and emotions I like to end on a realization or the struggle of further confusion and its resulting aggravation. I also like to pepper in little crumbs regarding an ongoing plot that hasn't been fully unraveled yet, mostly so the readers feel like they're wrapping their heads around the mysteries along with me. It's fun! But not always super clear cut. 💕

53. How Do You Spend Your Time When it Comes to Fanfiction? Are You Primarily a Fic Reader, Writer, or a Perfect 50/50 Split of Both?

I have alternated and balanced this ratio out as time has gone on! Back when I first started in high school, I was primarily 50/50. Over the years I kind of lost my muse, or I'd write for myself very sparingly (maybe once a year or so, and less than 10k during that period) with things that I found interesting, but I didn't really delve back into the hobby until last July. I was a reader, consuming literally everything Nalu (Fairy Tail) until resuming a long fic I'd planned out 4 years ago and never finished. Unfortunately, or in other words, fortunately for me, I discovered Baldur's Gate, and after Astarion, there was no going back (rip my Alvarez Arc rewrite, may she rest in peace). Now I tend to lean more towards the writer portion since I'm writing my current long fic (With Stars to Fill My Dream) and doing some Astarion Kinktober prompts, but once this month ends and I'm on my longer post schedule, I am hoping to catch up on all the fics I haven't been able to read that are sitting in my browser (I have 30+ tabs open, it's ridiculous...)

56. What's Something About Your Writing That You Pride Yourself On?

Oh boy... I don't say this as a fish for compliments, but I'm not really sure I do anything too different from other people! I have heard a kind of general consensus on my horror aspects, and while I personally think they're extremely tame for my own standards and I know I'm my worst critic and think they can always be improved upon, that's something that really sticks with me. I have never published in the excess that I have now, and it literally means the world to me when anyone comments on anything they think sticks out when they read my fics. If I had to go with anything else, I'd say that my little details have really improved during the time I've been a writer. I've done many little links back to earlier conversations and imagery with callbacks in WSTFMD that I'm very proud of. I just hope it's not too obscure that people miss it!

63. Something You Hate to See in Smut.

Look, I'm really open-minded, and if anything isn't my cup of tea of course I wouldn't seek it out. That should always be established. Glaringly obvious things would be anything illegal, but going into the real bones, I'd probably have to say some "terms" for "areas" on the body being overused or out of place kind of bother me. I really don't have too many crazy ones here, I'm guilty of using some anatomically incorrect situations simply for the sake that it pleases me and I find it hot- nothing more, lol. It doesn't have to be 100% factual, it's fun and that's all that really matters! Unless you're hurting someone or doing something shitty, I really don't have a lot of issues. 😊

Again, tysm!!! 💖💖💖

[workingforitallthetime]

drawn arrows unseen

part 20 / previous installments/tags

Mason assumes he’ll go into rut, just like when he last spent any amount of time basking in Connor’s scent. He’s braced for it to be about a million times worse, too, now that he knows what Connor smells like wanting him.

Instead, everything just… shuts down.

Mason passes through the days numb, going through the motions of practice and gameday routines, forcing himself to heat up the little plastic boxes of his meal plan on their prescribed schedule. He doubts he could get it up to jerk off, if the idea even sounded appealing, which it doesn’t. It’s like his body’s protecting itself, cutting off every nonessential function so it can do what it has to do to keep his heart beating and his lungs breathing.

And, unfortunately, elite hockey appears to be nonessential. His reaction time slows. He gets winded after every shift. He misses obvious plays. The coaches show him his advanced stats, processed into easily digestible bar graphs and line charts. The lines all plunge downhill after the Arizona game.

The medical staff runs all kinds of tests, scans and blood panels and stress tests. Nothing’s wrong. He just sucks.

They finally send him to UC-Irvine to see a dynamic specialist. She has thin braids neatly coiled at the base of her neck and a button nose that barely shows she’s assessing Mason’s scent. The trainer who drove him to the appointment waits in the lobby while the doctor shows Mason back to her office, which looks more like a professor works there than a doctor.

She asks him all the usual dynamic questions, raising her eyebrows a little when Mason counts backward and tells her it’s been close to two years since he went through a rut. She asks him about whether there was anything that precipitated his current condition, and Mason lies. No, nothing that I can think of. Got back from a road trip and everything fell off a cliff.

 It hurts to talk about. It can’t be fixed. He doesn’t want his medical records, wide open to his team and to the NHLPA and to any team that ever acquires him, to say Connor Bedard.

The doctor asks him the same questions several different ways, like she knows perfectly well Mason’s lying. When Mason doesn’t crack, she pauses. She presses her lips together. “It’s strange that you can’t recall a precipitating event. Your symptoms are consistent with a faulty bond.”

“A faulty bond?” Mason tests the phrase in his mouth, It makes it sound like he and Connor are a medical condition. A deformity.

“It can happen if you bond with someone but things aren’t… in order,” the doctor says delicately.

Mason’s barely seen Connor in years. He’s barely even kissed him. It doesn’t make any sense that they’ve bonded, but the phrase feels right. “How does that even work?”.

“The research in this area isn’t where we’d like it to be, ethical issues and all that.” The doctor puts down her notepad, clearly warming up to a preferred topic. “But it suggests that when you have a bond with someone, both partners benefit from your shared energy. It’s a crude analogy, but you can think of the bond as like a pipeline. When the bond’s frayed, the pipe leaks. Water gets diverted through holes. Energy’s wasted. You expend more energy than you’re gaining, so you’re not at peak capacity in other areas of performance.”

“What’s the treatment?” Please, god, let there be a cure, some way to stop hurting.

The doctor quirks her mouth ruefully. “It’s like any other pulled muscle. Just takes time to heal. Unless you’re able to straighten out the bond?”

“Get things in order,” Mason says, echoing her earlier phrase. “With my…”

The doctor nods. “With your partner.”

Mason looks up Connor’s stats. It’s hard to tell from what’s available publicly, and he’s absolutely not going to ask Anaheim’s data team how Connor’s performance over the last month compares to what he was doing before the Arizona game. But Connor definitely hasn’t been lighting it up. Maybe he’s feeling the effects on his end too.

Mason tries to call him to talk it over. But when he gets Connor’s voicemail, it sounds so presumptuous to say it. We’re bonded. We have to fix it. What right does Mason have?

“Everything’s so hard,” Mason finally blurts out after a long silence. Connor probably won’t listen to the end of the voice message anyway. “This could be easy. Please, just let it be easy.”

He doesn’t hear anything back.

(next)

[arfsblog]

Friday Night

There is no better feeling. Although now that my routine is working at home Fridays and Mondays, does it detract from the Friday feeling?? Maybe, but only in the sense that ALL DAY Friday is the Friday feeling, maybe it even starts a bit on Thursdays now. And the Sunday feeling that the week is about the start isn't there either. This all sounds very bizarre to me, as if it almost shouldn't be allowed. Work now isn't a "thing". It's fun, it's easy, it's nice. People are great, why has it taken so long to get to this point.

October

My favourite month of the year, I absolutely love it. The leaves are beginning to turn now, I have some good autumn trees in my garden, though they have been on the turn since early August probably due to a lack of watering. My pear tree delivered some beautiful pears, the apples are a bit small but I'll have to give them a go this weekend. There is a lovely crispness to the temperature in the morning - the BIG COAT is already down from the attic and getting worn.

Business news

Fairly quiet on the Warrington Weed Killer side of things, as to be expected. I'd like to see some more interest as we head into the spring, otherwise I'll have to assess whether the name change has been successful, or have a play around with a few things. I'm not sure really. Where is the balance? The other company was too popular really, too many calls, things I couldn't do, I got overwhelmed. But I'm learning and that was a lesson for sure. I've never been so confident in my product though. A full landscaping/renovation job in the back is due this month too, I really hope I get a chance to do it.

TV/Film

I really enjoyed watching terrestrial TV last week, I think this is as a result of less screen time, which is a huge result. Aimlessly watching TV is a pre-internet thing, so any behaviours that can replicate those days is a definite win. I do want to get back into some programmes though. Hacks is a really good comedy I've been enjoying, and I've been watching a good wrestling documentary too. The sports docs are ones I'm waiting for too, I want to hit the big ones.

Music

Friday night would usually be my music night. I fucked myself over last Friday though as I got too caught up and was like a zombie for the rest of the weekend through lack of sleep. I may have a little listen this evening but I'll keep it fairly brief. The key is not to have a plan and let the vibes guide you down whichever path you go on.

Wellbeing

The screen time thing has been a welcome addition, and not to constrained really. If anything, it's just wiped out all the shit I wasn't actually enjoying, like those stupid videos on Instagram and Facebook, scroll, scroll, scroll. Now I still look at twitter (unfortunately) but it is essential for my news cycle, though finding a new Nitter is massively welcome, let's hope this one sticks around. I haven't missed a gym day since I started my routine. I've been trying to refine what I do and thinking back to the Results INC days in Sale when I was fully engaged in it. That was a great gym and a lovely little community. They were my friends and it was a great time for me, personally. Bodywork and then upper body is how I want to do it. Being able to go in the day time during the week is the game changer here.

The week(s) ahead...

I want to get out more with the kids, national trust sites or just local walks, this is the best time to do it. I want to photograph more of it as well and dump it on Instagram. I still think that app has a place for keeping photos that you want to share with people, and even just as a way of documenting shifts in time. I've got it in my head that I want to make a Pumpkin Pie, an autumnal treat in America. Not using actual pumpkin though, there's a different recipe using tinned pumpkin (probably sweetened) and then double cream etc. Pretty much a cheesecake, but it's orange, that's the main thing. My Xmas EP needs to start shaping up, though if needs be it'll be a lock in with a bottle of rum/whiskey some point in December and just recording whatever comes out. Maybe that will be more fun. Anyway, the project this very much interests me.

🍁

[the-physicality]

eeeeeehhhhhhhh

kah copper 30 piece iktr

another 30 point comeback iktr [ i wish we didn't have to make them and nathaniel could make better in game adjustments smh]

again another finicky whistle

i want you to look at what happens when we rebound the ball vs when we do not rebound the ball. just as an exercise

i don't think you should get a foul from sticking your arms out and someone running in from your backside running into them, but that's just me

something that i've noticed also is that the refs call fouls on bg all the time, just for existing. like sorry she's setting a screen, or holding her hands straight up. just because she has a big strong body that's difficult to move doesn't mean it's a foul.

i did come into this game [i took one look at the schedule over break] thinking this was going to be a wash because of the circumstances. it's just unfortunate that it was winnable. and that if we shot better in the first half there would be no questions.

did you see in the first when dt palmed the ball to pick it up and give it to the ref?

ik we l*st but hey so did seattle and they weren't on 2 away back to backs playing a team in playoff contention

and they had 11 available players and only chose to play 9

meanwhile we had 8 and played all 8

speaking of back to back away games starting the first day back from olympic break with 3 olympic gold medalists? cathy hates us fr fr. that shouldn't even be allowed, regardless of olympian status.

we never have to play them again this season tg

i said this before we rly have to keep these techs under control . tho i do think the refs like to tech us just bc we're the merc. which is suspicious.

we rly were missing celeste tonight. i hope they have a plan to get her back [i believe that they do]

tash cloud 5/8 from 3

kah 18 points from the line, slides into *tied for 6th* for most free throws made in a game. and that's with several whistles not getting blown

the annoying thing about this game is that there were a couple of really bad turnovers. not intercepted pass turnovers but just possessions where we throw the ball away, out of bounds. complete miscommunication. and if we had kept those possessions and converted even half of them, the last few minutes would have played out very differently.

here's my fucking problem with the f*v*r

no one wants to be there [on a roster of 12, they have 5 lottery picks, four of whom they drafted]

their coach sucks- how do you blow a 30 point lead TWICE

their fanbase exists because of one person

and yet somehow they are still "w*nn*ng"

the org doesn't put any money into the organization and yet they still get asw because apparently they have "the most popular player"

they have an uggo court. and uggo jerseys. [but for the record i think all the red jerseys and grey courts are uggo. I don't discriminate. they just happen to have both.]

[mizukagami-takamagahara]

What Characters Were Planned For BBDW?

I finally got my hands on the BBDW game files. Like other people have mentioned, there are a lot of blank placeholder images, specifically as part of the character asset groups. While looking at the files, I thought I found a pattern, so I decided I'd see if I could figure out which characters were definitively planned to be added to BBDW.

We already know that all characters had a chance to be added, but these characters had actual evidence in the game's files- places prepared for where they would have been put.

Here's what I mean. Ciel is the first character listed- both of her images start with 0001. Then there's a placeholder for a character 0002. Next we have all of Jin's assets starting with 0003.

Considering the order that the following character assets go in, and the fact that Mori did end up releasing his character art, I'd bet money on that 0002 asset being reserved for Ragna. Let's look at a larger section.

Here, it looks like the characters are grouped up based on the games they came out in- we see the Calamity Trigger cast all next to each other. And we know they aren't numbered in order of when they were released- if that were the case, Hakumen would much farther down the list.

Considering that the order the characters are shown is almost the same order as they appear in Calamity Trigger's story select menu, I'm pretty sure that 0011 was meant to be Carl, and 0013 was going to be Nu-13 if I'm right, I love the detail that they managed to have her the 13th character in the files.

To keep track of which characters I've already found a place for, I'll be using the handy dandy icons from the wiki over here. So, here!

Obviously, none of these are confirmed.These are just my best guesses for who all of these placeholder characters would have been. If you have any ideas, I'd love to here them! For now, let's move on the next games. This is gonna be a long post.

The majority of the Continuum Shift cast is accounted for. Like with the CT cast, it's pretty easy to figure out who those two blank spaces were for. There are only two playable characters from CS that don't show up in BBDW- Relius as 0019 and Mu as 0020.

The Chronophantasma characters are next. I'm pretty confident that Terumi is 0027, starting the list of Extend character assests. I'm not sure who's 0022 or 0024 between Amane and Azrael, but I'm certain that those places are for them, in whichever order.

The interesting one here is Kagura. Kagura was in BBDW, and we have other assets for him, but we're missing one card art, and that's what that placeholder (where I put his icon) is for. You can tell by the fact that all four of those files- the placeholder, the NOL Kagura, the normal Kagura, and his max art- start their numbering with 0026.

And we actually do have a hint as to what would have been on this empty Kagura card. Somewhere else in the game files, hidden in another collection of character assets, we come across 002600 again- this time, it isn't a placeholder.

Unfortunately, this is all we can see of the art- there's almost undoubtedly a full body version of this somewhere (likely in the possession of ArcSys) but it definitely isn't anywhere in these files. I wonder if the, uh, Kagura Incident, and how that all went down, has anything to do with why they didn't finish putting in all his assets... There are other characters with a placeholder for some of their art but proper images for others (you can see Jubei, 0037, at the bottom there) but I haven't found any other characters who have a placeholder for an image in one group of assets and but no placeholder for the same costume in a different group of assets.

it seems like it could be a costume for Kagura based on his Academy look/his appearance in Amane's Astral Finish.

Continuing into the Central Fiction characters with Hibiki, 0030, at the end of the previous line. For the unknown characters/placeholder slots, I believe 0032 was for Nine as we know her in CF. Nine would have had multiple playable versions, much like Valkenhayn; who had a playable C-series and Bloodedge Experience version released for BBDW and a Phase Shift version in the files that we never got to play.

0033 would be for Izanami. Susano'o would be 0036, right alongside his fellow DLC character, Jubei, at 0037. Similarly to Kagura, Jubei was playable in game, but for some reason one of his assets was never added. Unlike Kagura, I haven't been able to find any sign of what that asset- presumably a costume- would have looked like.

Then we have two spots at the end of the CF list. We're out of playable characters from the mainline games, but thanks to Homura in the 0039 spot, we know that 0038 must have been a C-series Blazblue character, not part of the Phase Shift cast that comes next.

I was stumped on who 0038 could've been for a little while- Linhua was one thought, since she made it into the game, but she doesn't have any placeholder slots- she appears later in the files as 0092. Roy is also a popular enough C-series character but I didn't feel confident in that pick.

If I had to guess anyone, I'd say 0038 had been meant for Torakaka. She'd be right next to Jubei who she replaced in Tao's Astral when he was added to CF, and we know from Chachakaka's early implementation that the game seemed pretty eager to add the Kaka Clan cast- they even had some gameplay trends specifically associated with them. So, let's slide her right in there.

So there are all my best guesses for which characters were on the horizon for BBDW before its untimely end. I'll be stopping here, and will continue starting with the Phase Shift cast in a future post. I've taken a look over those sections, and I actually expect them to be much harder to figure out... We don't have any easy playable character rosters to compare to the empty slots anymore.

[brainrotlesbian]

FNAF: Enigma (general info)

Enigma is a whump AU I created at the end of either 2020 or 2021, for the life of me I don’t remember. Keep in mind I started it well before Security Breach, and before Vanessa was properly introduced, when Vanny was also very ambiguous so I took what I knew (the mask and rainbow hair, referenced in the AR game) and pulled out my version of Vanny: a lesbian disaster with a rough past.

The premise of this AU is: William has been researching remnant—how it’s made, it’s effects, etc—and has amassed a cult following of various outcasts of society (whether they want to be there or not), and he’s turned his sights on Vanny. She is trying to live her life, but is haunted by a dark past and has a body count, making her a good candidate for William to manipulate into becoming a prolific killer. Vanny doesn’t want to join him, so he, knowing that she and Michael are very close (a sort of father/daughter relationship), takes Michael hostage in order to get her to cooperate. Michael is punished when Vanny doesn’t cooperate, and is sometimes a bit of a punching bag for some of the more sadistic cultists.

The timeline for this is. Convoluted but this is FNAF so. FNAF 4, 2, and the original occur as in the games, in that order, including both the Bite of 83 (victim being Cassidy Afton—yes I’m calling him Cassidy it’s a cute name) and the Bite of 87 (victim being Jeremy Fitzgerald; at the time, Michael’s bf). Michael goes undercover as Mike Schmidt to figure out wtf is going on, figured out his father is responsible for the deaths of the 5 missing children (vengeful spirit Cassidy is different from Crying Child Cassidy), and sets out to bring his father to justice. Shortly after Michael leaves the FNAF 1 location, the restaurant closes and William suffers the springlock failure, but, instead of being left in the supply closet for 30 years, he’s found by the members of his cult and extracted from the spring Bonnie suit. Michael ventures to sister location, where he is scooped, and after ejecting Ennard into the sewers (gross), he circles back to Henry Emily to figure out what to do, where they decided to end the madness once and for all, leading to the events of Pizzeria Simulator. Vanny joins the team a few years in (collecting all of the scrapped animatronics is difficult and takes a while), and is clued in to Michael’s past, as they both are haunted from their own mistakes and the mistakes of their fathers. No, FNAF 3 does not happen

William’s cult started as research into remnant and how it works, discovered shortly after Charlie Emily’s murder in 1987 (a week before the murders of the 5 missing children). Most of the members of the cult are those who were preyed upon at their lowest and have no way to leave, and were tempted by William giving them promises of ways to fix their problems. The others are genuinely sadistic and enjoy causing pain and misery.

Miscellaneous info:

Mrs. Clara Afton was a lesbian when she was alive, marrying William (a gay man) in the late 60’s in order to present as a heterosexual couple. They also had kids in order to keep up that facade. She was murdered by William after Elizabeth’s death, as she planned on leaving him and taking Michael with her

Charlie Emily and Michael Afton were close as children. Even more unfortunate that Charlie saw William as a sort of uncle, leading her to trust him, which is why he was able to kill her (she was 15 at the time)

Michael Afton is trans. Just for funsies. William may be a murderer but he’s not a monster (transphobic)

Sammy Emily is still alive. He and Michael weren’t as close as Michael and Charlie were, but after Charlie’s death they became closer, almost brothers

Vanessa Howard had a younger sister, Lea, who couldn’t pronounce “Vanessa,” and instead called her “Vanny.”

William’s design (half rotted corpse gnarled with twisted, rusted metal) is very much so inspired by his design in The Fourth Closet (keep in mind I haven’t read the books)

[more-than-a-princess]

Thirty minutes (as of the time I'm writing this) until midnight on Monday isn't too late for a Munday post, is it?

A few activity and life updates under the cut.

It's been a bit of a ride these past couple of months for me, and my blog interest check has come at a good time.

The tl;dr - I'm likely going to have to keep my activity at one reply/starter/IC post per day for the foreseeable future. I'm doing my best to keep to that but there are some days I just can't manage it right now, for a few reasons:

Work - I'm in the process of getting a promotion! This has been a long time coming, but my job duties will require me to be in the office more, which means more commuting time and less energy to keep up with the dash on my end during most weekdays. I'm moving up into a role that requires more meetings and I'll have people who will report to me (which is a tad frightening, introvert that I am). Unfortunately for me and my RP time, I'll have a bit less autonomy to do my work whenever, wherever, so my weekends will be very valuable for writing time, as I just don't see myself being able to write every weeknight right now. Due to this and...

Health - Back in the spring, I started working with some medical specialists to take care of some health issues I've had for years using previously unavailable treatments. I'm happy to say that they are working with weekly medication, but I also have to deal with the nausea and fatigue side effects that come from this medication. It leaves me tired and feeling ill pretty often, especially in the first few days after each dose. This has also slowed down my writing speed and being able to keep up with the dash.

I will also likely need minor surgery on one hand in the upcoming weeks/months, which will temporarily impact my typing abilities as well. Not looking forward to this, but one of my hands hasn't healed properly after my fall and I don't have full use of it.

Other hobbies - Dragon Con is soon! One of the biggest fan conventions in the world, I am attending Dragon Con at the beginning of September (with a ton of non-anime/game costumes: my spirit says I can wear 10 costumes in 5 days. My body may say differently) and an anime convention at the end of October, which is taking up some time as I work on finishing/prepping costumes, planning photoshoots, etc. I'm in the final stages of finishing up costumes for September at least, but some of my weekends between now and then will be spent painting, wig styling, makeup testing, and applying about a thousand rhinestones to a dress.

That is to say: I'm still here, I'm still responding to and wanting to write threads, but my ability for checking the dash constantly and sending things like memes/dashcomm as I see them is going to change a bit during the work week. I am always happy to chat and plot threads with mutuals, though! I may just need time to reply to messages. But messaging me directly here or on discord, or tagging me in posts (not hashtag in tags but tagging me in the post directly), are the best ways to make sure I don't miss your notifications.

[beelsbignaturals]

Dead is the New Alive

A/N: Happy birthday to me!!! To celebrate being a dramatic pisces, I've decided to finally post this super self-indulgent self insert MC fic! It's definitely a work in progress but the intended audience is literally me and whoever is unfortunate enough to stumble across this. Big thank you to Aki for helping with literally everything ily homie! Yes the first scene is low-key a songfic. The song is What Will I Remember by Emilie Autumn if you want to give it a listen. Title is also an Emilie Autumn song. Guess what album I listened to while writing lmao. Anyways enjoy!

___________________________________________

Warnings: Blood, gore, violence, character death (ish), teeth, strong language

___________________________________________

What will I remember?

"Does it hurt? Finding it hard to breathe? I'm sure it must be very unpleasant." The sadistic ass was taunting me. Quite literally adding insult to injury

What will I forget?

I did all this because I saw how much this family was hurting and this is the thanks I get?Someone laughing over me as the life drains from my eyes? After I go through all of this bullshit some stupid demon thinks he has every right in the world to end my life?

Honestly, if I didn't have claws tearing into my throat while this asshole is crushing my windpipe, I'd probably be tempted to smack that stupid grin off his face. Unfortunately, I'm in survival mode.

When this life is ending and gone

Fine. You want to kill me? I came into the world screaming and covered in someone else's blood. I plan on leaving the same way. It's game time, bitch.

What will I regret?

The next few moments are a blur of flailing limbs. One particularly well-timed kick sends me falling to the floor. Not risking it, l don't bother to catch my breath. Breathing is secondary. I need to run.

If tomorrow I don't wake up, what happens?

Moonlight shines through a nearby window like a beacon. Here goes nothing.

My sunrise, or sunset?

One foot in front of the other. Just keep running. He's behind you. Keep going. Almost there..

If I never were born

Fuck. Strong arms grab me, stopping any chance of escape. No. It's not over. I'm so close. I sink my teeth into the nearest thing I can find. Not letting go until I hear a sickening crunch followed by a string of curses. Name another human who took a chunk of flesh out of a demon's hand. I'll wait.

If I never died

Last shot. Come on. Somehow, I find the strength to launch myself out the window. Glass tears my arms to ribbons, but l'm flying and l'm free. Eat your heart out, Sally Hardesty.

Would it even matter at all?

All too soon, I collide with the pavement, knocking what little air I had left out of my lungs. I drag my bloodied body along, rocks and broken glass digging into my palms. I keep going until I physically can't move.

What should I decide?

Hopefully this will buy me enough time for someone to realize what happened. I mean. They wouldn't let me die, right? If even Belphegor was right and they didn't give a shit about me.. at the very least Lucifer wouldn't want the exchange program to be a failure. It would mess with Diavolo's plans. I'm not dying.

I always imagined I'd mean something to

someone

At least that's what I try to convince myself. The blood loss would beg to differ. But. I'll be okay. I'm sure magic will fix me up in no time. Just stay awake until help arrives. I try to focus on all the things I'll miss if I fall asleep. Late night nacho shenanigans with Beel. Watching Legally Blonde with Asmo. Helping Mammon hide from Lucifer. Kicking Levi's ass at DevilKart. All these precious moments that I'd hate to never experience again.

If I won't, 'least I tried

I'm fading in and out of consciousness. Time feels funny. Everything is in brief snippets. After what could have been hours or minutes. I register someone speaking. It doesn't sound familiar. Pressure on my chest. Sharp pain in my neck. Belphegor must've caught up with me. I wait for more torture but it doesn't come. Just a strange numbness. Decorating cakes with Luke. Feeding stray cats with Satan.

When my body suffers

So much yelling. It's too loud. I think I'm being moved? That's Mammon's voice! I did it. I'm safe. Why is he crying? They can fix me, right? It's too cold. Maybe not.

When to breath is pain

Levi is here, too! Maybe.. no. He's crying too. Oh. I guess this is it. At least I'm not alone.

Is it really madness to think

I try to reach for the nearest person. Maybe I can will someone hold my hand? No, that just made them move more. Don't leave me! Please.

Think of breaking this chain?

"Lucifer, get yer ass out here," He's staying. Thank fuck.

Is the future mine?

"Alaura, can you hear me?" After a failed attempt at nodding my head, which honestly just hurts way too much, I opt to try again to find Mammon's hand. This time, I'm actually successful.

It's kind of funny how, despite the fact I lay here dying, this is the most alive and real I've felt in a long time. These last few months have been spent on autopilot. Honestly, I didn't really believe any of it was real. I suppose death has a sobering effect.

God knows I have a past

So much commotion. So many voices. Not like I can understand much of what they are saying. Not when it all blurs together. I hold onto Mammon like a lifeline. Which, I suppose he is.

Where's my second chapter?

It seems they decide it is in everyone's best interest to not leave me lying on the ground in the middle of the night. That would be great if not for the fact they have to move me.

Or will the first also be my last?

The gaping throat wound is, understandably, not fucking pleasant. When strong arms lift me off the pavement, I struggle with energy I didn't know I had left. Kicking and screaming until it feels like my vocal cords are fried.

Is my story over if I fall asleep?

"I know, I'm sorry." The second born whispers, rings digging into my skin. Or maybe that's more glass. Regardless, he cradles my head against his chest, minimizing any movement that would further irritate my injuries.

Would anybody find me?

Crashing can be heard throughout the house. Part of me hopes Belphegor falls through a window too. Just for a small taste of his own medicine.

And would anybody weep?

With that pleasant thought, sleep takes over

I can't even pretend I care

But songs I'll never sing

Well, that means something

Yes, that means something

The next few days are spent in relative darkness. I can't see but I hear everything. It's like a strangely pleasant sleep paralysis. Plus I'm never alone for long. Asmo sits beside me, gently plucking glass from my skin, cleaning wounds of any dirt, and using a cloth to wet my lips and prevent dehydration. I get a whole manicure while he tells me about how I "got Belphie good". Apparently the majority of the dried blood stuck under my nails isn't even mine.

If it's not Asmo, it's Mammon. Half of the time he's moaning about how stupid I am. The rest is spent begging me to wake up. I try to find a way to tell him I'm right here. I'm awake. But I'm frozen in place. I don't think I've ever heard him cry this much.

Occasionally, Satan will pay a visit. Reading the Odyssey to keep me entertained. He's also the only one to update me on what's actually going on. From his visits, I can gather that I had a second attacker, not just Belphegor. The plot thickens. I barely have time to process that before learning said bitch was a vampire. This whole paralysis was just the beginning of my transformation.

Yeah, that's a hard pill to swallow.

I'm not left to think on it long. It turns out that one of the only two humans in the Devildom disappearing off the face of the earth does not go unnoticed. Doubly so when it comes to the resident angels.

With that in mind, I suppose it's not really a surprise that Luke all but breaks into the House of Lamentation, demanding to know what those horrible demons have done.

It'd be sweet if not for the little fact the second he got within ten feet of me, it feels like my bones are melting. You could tell me the air has turned to boiling water and I'd believe you.

His tiny body rushes into the room, grabbing my arm. "Oh, Alaura! Don't worry, I'll save you!"

I can only scream in agony as my flesh sizzles in his grasp. Shocked, Luke grabs my face before he gets a fucking clue. Cute kid, not the sharpest crayon in the box.

The pain of it all causes my eyes to open for the first time in days. I can hardly register the blinding light coming from the hallway. Just that this poor kid, who is, granted, older than I will ever be, starts sobbing out apologies as he stumbles backwards.

Smoke comes off my skin in waves, right where the tiny handprints sit. What is happening?

Poor Luke is dragged away, crying while half a dozen demons pour into my room.

Were they always this loud? I can't process the million different voices all speaking at once. It feels like all the small noises are worming their way into my head and eating my brain from the inside out. Footsteps sound like gunshots. The sound of fabric rustling makes me want to rip my hair out. It's too fucking loud.

Eventually catching on, Lucifer orders everyone to let me rest. He carefully applies some sort of ointment to my injuries before following suit. Alone in the dark I can finally begin to piece together what happened.

Belphegor killed me. Or tried to. Someone else swooped in to finish the job. But that's besides the point. Belphegor tried to kill me. It seems the others don't hate me enough to want me dead. Or at the very least are keeping up appearances. I'm not sure where my attempted killer is but I haven't seen or heard about them since that night.

Right... how long has it even been? I'll have to ask when someone comes around again. Knowing my housemates it won't be long before someone sneaks back into my room. Lucifer be damned.

Next order of business... apparently I'm a vampire? Not the most outlandish thing I've seen during my time in the Devildom but it's certainly up there. All I really know is from what Satan's told me and whatever I can find in my notes on Devildom history. Based on what the textbooks say, vampires are extinct in Hell. So how did this happen?

Only one way to find out and I need the facts before I let myself have a crisis. I guess the textbooks are a good starting point. Ignoring my protesting muscles, I drag myself out of bed to find any information I can.

Blah blah due to the vampire population rising at unprecedented rates and the threat to lower level demons, the King called upon the royal army to deal with the infestation.

Infestation? So I'm vermin now?

Startled by sudden pain in my jaw, my mouth opens in a silent gasp. Crimson blood drips onto the page. Just a few specks at first, but before long, I'm nearly choking as the liquid spills from my mouth.

Frantic, I run through the halls. Not particularly caring about the trail of blood I leave in my wake. Thank fuck no one is in the bathroom.

I lock the door behind me. Muscle memory. Before dashing to the mirror.

Holy shit. Maybe I'm not dead but I sure as hell look it. My body is littered with healing cuts, not to mention the two angry handprints that scorched my skin. Then there's my throat. It's healed somewhat but the mangled flesh has barely begun to scar. Honestly, it doesn't look like something I should've survived.

Fuck. The dull throbbing in my mouth turned sharp once again. Mouth opened as wide as I can manage, I try to inspect the affected area, but God, there's so much blood - I hear the small clink of something hitting the ceramic.

Holy shit. No. This isn't... this can't be happening. I'm hyperventilating as I force myself to look down. There's no way that...nope my entire tooth is sitting in the sink. Cool.... this is just great. I'm. I'm just hallucinating. Or something. That's the only explanation. Maybe I ate Solomon's cooking. That could be it. Food poisoning. Really bad food poisoning.

"Alaura?" A low voice interrupts my manic train of thought. "Alaura, please... open the door."

I don't even bother trying. I can hardly hold myself upright. Who's laughing? Is that my voice? Shit. I'm on the floor. When did that happen? The edges of my vision are fuzzy and dark. When I close my eyes, all I can see is a startling picture of my tooth. A small amount of gum is still hanging on for dear life. Much more blood than what could be considered healthy framing it like some grotesque work of art. Shit. My head hits the cold tile, and I'm watching as the door shakes on its hinges. Maybe I should've locked it.

Once again I wake up, tucked snugly in my bed. This time, however, I can spot a certain white-haired demon curled up on my floor, snoring softly. Cute but there is no way that's comfortable. I can see the dark circles and irritated skin, most likely raw from crying.

For a moment I'm transported back to simpler times. Mammon breaking into my room after a night at the casino, ranting about how "shits rigged", before passing out. Usually I'd shove a pillow under his head and throw a blanket over him before going to bed myself. Maybe even play with his hair. It's soft as hell but I know he'd complain if I did it while he was awake. I even got a beanbag chair at one point so his spine doesn't riot. With such a mundane scene, I can almost pretend things are normal.

Almost. When I poke at the tooth causing me grief earlier, I find it is longer and sharper than I remember. No. No. No. No.

"Mammon," I hiss. "Mammon wake up."

He wakes with a start, rubbing sleep from his eyes before jumping into action.

"You're up!"

I nod slowly. Knees hugged to my chest. "Is this real?"

With a sigh he plops down on my bed, walking me through complex math problems until I know without a doubt my subconscious could never make that up.

Teary-eyed, I stare at Mammon before I finally speak again. Talking feels strange with a killer toothache and one fang.

"What now?"

[bbyblueetypes]

Super Hero- Welcome to the Mind Fuck pt 1

this is my first whump story so bare with me. These are @gatheringofsuffering s and I’s ocs. i enjoyed this plot so i decided to write a story with it.

CW: [implied] Whump, Mind control whump, wounds/head wound, panicking, super power whump, blood 

There has been nothing but silence from the other end. Typically you'd think that'd be a good thing, a weight lifted off the shoulders of all of us. But of fucking course, its not ever that easy. It'd be different if they were fucking dead. But they're not.. they're hiding.. planning. Planning for something we need to constantly keep our guard up for. Cain said he doesn't know.. our best guess we could come up with is a fucking ambush. How pathetic. Our patrols have gotten longer, our security better. But somehow it never seems to stop the creeping feeling they'll find a way. A way to us.. a way to him. They want him dead. And as much as i would have gladly killed him myself months before.. now i'm not sure. And it makes my fucking brain hurt. Everything hurts.. when he looks at me.. when he sneaks into my room at night because he's afraid.. when he grabs my hand.. leeches onto my body and follows me around like a puppy.. when we kiss. God.. fuck.. he ruins my reputation. He ruins a lot of me. Yet of course here we are standing in the empty, dusty, junk filled abandoned buildings on our 14th patrol of the day waiting for the other to speak. Waiting for the enemy to swoop in finally and save us from this awkward fucking silence shit he does. Cmon Zay.. don't let this small soul eater kick you off your game. Of anything that could? I refuse it to be him. 

“Offly quiet” 

I speak up finally, voice echoing slightly through the empty rooms. One of us had to. He doesn't even look at me when I do. Simply continues his pace around the room, the sounds of the soles of his shoes scuffing against the dirty concrete beneath him.

“..you know i don't like speaking when they could be around.. don't want to see them”

His voice is soft.. quiet. As though he's afraid of them hearing and coming for him. Quite frankly he should be. But who was I to instill a constant fear like that into him? And how fucking boring would that be as well. So I lied.

“Chances seem slim.. but know you don't”

“And.. it'll be fine if they are because it's not just me.. and they cant control me”

He speaks as though he's trying to convince himself. I watch his face as he proceeds to scan the room, the random garbage leftover from hiders, the caving roof and the torn wallpaper. I can only nod for a moment

“Exactly.. we won't let that happen to you, well help you”

He only nods at my poor attempt at comforting. However his small smile he can't contain makes me think it actually helped. That's a first. But unfortunately for him and the rest of us I can't keep that shit up. So back to what I know best. I finally tear my eyes away from him as I proceed to scan the room's flooring as well.

“So get to chatting.. too damn quiet without your mouth”

“Awe miss me that much? I thought you hated me”

Little shit. Don't ever think I'm helping your puppy dog face again.

“Okay you can shut it now”

That only earns me a faint giggle from him and suddenly I feel lighter. If you can't fix it.. distract it.

“We both know that's not what you want me to do”

I can't help but roll my eyes at his comments.. he was always so witty . He's almost the only other person besides Z to ever match my wit. Sometimes I think that's part of why the hatred couldn't last.

“Debatable now”

“Yea? What changed Zay?”

It's the first time he even looked in my direction since we got here, and i can't help but turn to meet my eyes with his. He’s like a fucking drug. Sucking you in constantly with one glance.

“You became an ass like always”

He doesn't skip a beat. I smirk as he replies cocky as ever.

“I'm not an ass pretty boy and you know it..”

Pretty boy?

“..I've been wayyyy worse”

He has.

“Oh so nicknames now?”

He shrugs at me with his sly little smirk. He knows what he's doing.. he always does. No one’s here.. zees gone.. empty building.. just us.. fuck- no. I can't do this, Zees taking him next time. He finally pulls his eyes away from me and to the room around him once more, making his way from one to the next. I follow him.. pretending to watch anything but him. 

“Nothings here.. whole place is empty and shit”

“Won't be complaining when there is something to do”

I chuckle at his ignorance. There's one thing you learn not to do in hero work.. Speak too soon and jinx yourself. And he only proceeds to get worse. 

“Aren't we supposed to be finding something?” 

He giggles at himself, almost as though i was stupid for suggesting such a thing. If the gods were with him today, everything would stay as quiet as it is right now. But I won't let him know my worries in the danger of his words.

“I mean.. If we find something that's a plus i guess”

“Soooo just search an empty building?”

He walks slowly, one step in front of the other delicately across the concrete floor as he speaks. I watch every step he takes, for someone so smart.. He's so naïve. I can't help but smirk a bit as I shrug my shoulders slightly, focusing my attention back onto the random items on the old dusty shelves and torn, aged curtains. 

“Shit Z says.. has to be done. We make sure there's no sign of assholes hiding out.. No sign of them being here. As long as there's nothing of importance that's all we care about. Get in, get out.”

He proceeds to find me amusing, chuckling his soft chuckle again echoing throughout the room.

“Like chores.. But for buildings”

“Exactly.. Thank zee for being that mom”

Keep it lighthearted, keep the joking going. That's all you can do to keep it calm.. And keep the boredom of the task from killing you from the inside out. I turn my attention back to him when I hear his soft voice speak close to my ear.

“Rooms clear” 

He speaks soft into my ear. How he got so close is beyond me. I barely even heard him move. 

“Just junk and shit here”

He proceeds to speak while I'm still trying to figure out how he so casually moved across the room like a fucking mouse, no scratch that a mouse would've made more noise then he did. Once i give up trying to comprehend his quite movements, I finally speak.

“Yes sir.. Onto the next then?”

He opens his mouth as though to speak once more, only to be stopped by a familiar sounding voice across the room.. Too familiar.. A voice we dread hearing every single time. Her heeled boots followed.. Tap.. tap.. tap .. across the concrete flooring as she spoke. I immediately turn in her direction, casually shielding Cain with my body as I do so. 

“Junk? Haven't you heard, One man's trash is another's treasure?”

I couldn't feel Cain.. But I certainly saw it in his face. He was tense. Stressed. It happens every single time she's nearby. He's afraid of her. His own mother. Not biologically of course. But the one that raised him his entire life, when no one else wanted him. When he was alone and everyone was fucking scared of his power. Just like everyone was scared of mine. As much as i hated to admit it.. We weren't really that different.. He was like Z.. like me.. We were all feared.. all left. We were all framed to be something we weren't. But alas here we all were.. Together.. Being heroes and shit.

“W-why are you here..?”

He stutters despite his efforts.

“Just walking the town, noticed you two seemed lost”

“Lying ass”

I mumbled slightly, That comment was meant to stay in my head. Luckily, he speaks before she can pick up my snarky comment.

“Were not lost, so go back to your walk or whatever”

Her eyebrows raise, he's never been one to talk back. Especially to her. Zee would say he’s been spending to much time with me, maybe that’s true.. but fuck.. come on its pretty fucking hot right? Just me?

“Why.. haven't you gotten snarky little one? Shouldn't speak that way to your mother..”

“..can say whatever I want”

Alright.. so maybe we're treading on dangerous ropes with his attitude. But Who am I to interrupt a family reunion?

“Id watch yourself before you get someone hurt”

“..why you're here, isn't it?”

She only smirks, turning her attention to me once again with her sharp gaze. I could almost make out a glare in her eyes as she looked me up and down. She despised me, maybe even blamed me for Cain's attitude.. For his absence in her life. She wouldn't be too far off if she had. Finally the wicked witch speaks up.

“I don’t think we’ve formally met.. Zayden right?”

Well..

“No” 

I glanced momentarily at Cain.. I didn't need to watch him long to see his confusion. His stress begin to grow. I know I'm fucked. He knows it too. It's exactly what happened to him.. Probably more than I know. She only smirks at my response though something gives me the feeling she doesn't find me very funny.

“Don't lie to me Zayden, Cain already gave you in. didn't you, little one?”

He- no no he wouldn't do that she's just a fucking liar. Suddenly there's a pounding in my head. Small at first.. I focus on it. I focus and I- I feel it getting bigger. When did it get there? Has it always been there? I can hear them talking. What are they saying?

“I-i did? What are you talking about?”

Its him..  He sounds so far away.. Why can't I answer him? This pounding- holy fuck.. Is this what she feels like? Suddenly I hear my name and i try to put aside the pounding for a moment.

“Zayden, why don't you come with me? Clearly he's not very careful with you, hm? Clearly he doesn't care whether what he says hurts you or not.”

Why the hell would he do this to me? My body doesn't feel like mine.. As much as I don't want to, I can't help myself but obey. My feet move themselves in her direction and I watch her smile widen. She's happy? She's happy to have me.. No ones happy to have me. Just as my feet start moving I feel his gentle hand grasp my arm. What is he doing? As I look in his direction I am only met with desperation on his face.. He's panicking.. Why is he so panicked, I'm okay I'm doing as I'm told? He should know better than anyone..

“Zayden.. . stop..”

His voice.. His voice cracks just slightly, filled with nothing but desperation to match his expression. I can't..

“Zayden, here. Now. don't let him treat you like that anymore.”

Her voice speaks from my left.. Let go of me please.. I need to get to her.. I pull my arm away from his loose grasp. If he really wanted me to stay he would have held me harder anyway.. It's an act, it's all an act. She might just be right.

“Zayden please snap out of it please..” 

I see him press our panic button, right on the sleeve of his suit. I can see the slight blinking of green light up my right wrist. He wants zee. Why doesn't he trust me? I can fix this without her. I'm just as fucking good as she is! Every part of my body is screaming for me to rip my fucking head apart, find the source of the pounding and make it stop. Make this fucking pounding stop! I can hear her giggling in the back. Move.  i cant fucking move. Just move.

“You should know better than anyone little one, he doesn't stop until I say so.”

“Let him go.. You-you can't just do this..”

Oh my fucking god she's not doing anything! I'm doing good! 

“Oh but I can.. And I am. Your actions have consequences little one.. I raised you better”

“Just let him go.. He didn't do shit!”

He sounds so pathetic begging for someone who doesn't need saving. She thinks so. I think so.

“Zayden.. Please calm him down for me? Tie him up.”

One command. One simple ask of me is all i need for the nerves in my body to light up once again. I feel my body moving before i can even think. I find myself moving toward him and reaching out my arms for his. I grabbed them harder than I should, but I needed him to stay.. Not like he held mine. Easy to pry away from. Easy to leave. He didn't try. Not like me. He tried to back away// i see his feet practically stumbling over themselves.. Why doesn't he want me now?

“Get off.. Don't- don't touch me.”

Why?! I can't speak. Its to fucking much. He doesn't want me to touch him? fine. I watch myself shove him back. And back. And back. Until he falls back into a nearby chair. 

“God he's so much easier then you are little one” 

She's not talking to me.. But the praise is still there. She wants me. I am better. I am not secondary. I hear the slight whimper in his voice as start to tie his arms to the chair, when did i get this rope? Where did it come from? I can't stop. His whimpering hurts. But I can't stop.

“Stop it, let go! Stop controlling him please Rowan..”

“I'm not done yet”

I'm not being- no no I'm not.. I'm fighting it. I know the rope is tight little hero.. Just let me.. Let me. 

“Please.. Please don't do this..” 

He's pleading, he's pleading not to her but to me.. But I can barely think about it, it's only a small thought in the back of my mind as I feel myself proceed to crouch down onto my knees and tie his ankles in just the same way as his wrists. I need him to stay.

“Quit struggling. Wouldn't want him to have to break something, would we now? Look at him I'm sure he could do some real damage couldn't he”

I feel him stop at her words. He stopped pulling. He stopped fighting me. He still listens to her, just like he always used to. Just like he used to follow her around as her personal little heal toy. Yet somehow he's concerned about me? It's pathetic truly.. The way he betrayed her.. Who's to say he wouldn't do it to Zee.. to me..? He’d fuck  us all and he wouldn't even think twice. I don't remember walking.. All I remember is being back next to her. At her side watching as the frown on his face only grew the more he stared at me. I could barely even feel the feeling of her fingers combing through my dark mess of hair as she ruffled it.

“Look at him.. Such a good boy isn't he Cain?”

“Please let him go rowan.. Please..”

She was praising me.. She was proud of what i had done.. Was he ever proud of me? I don't feel like me.. I don't feel like the me he would be proud of. She only chuckled in his response.

“What? Maybe ill keep him for a bit. Maybe he doesn't want you anymore, why would he? You'd betray him just like you betrayed your own family.”

“Y-you're controlling him.. I'm not stupid he-he wouldn't do that..”

His voice cracks. P a t h e t i c. p a t h e t i c. p a t h e t i c. 

“Oh really?” she smirked as she spoke “and what makes you so sure? You barely know him”

“H-he promised! And he wont do that.. He wouldn't do that..”

His voice quivered as he spoke.. I could hear it. She could hear it. It satisfied her. The desperation.. The begging.. The fear. She wanted this. I wanted this. She scoffs at his pathetic attempt at reasoning. With her? With himself? Didn't matter. 

“Promised? Don't be such a child Cain.”

He stayed silent. Had he given up on me? I try to focus on his face, his expressions. Tried to find fear of my own. His face never changed from the state it was in. he just remained silent as i felt her small arms wrap around my right one tightly.

“So strong.. Surprised he hasn't killed you himself yet”

“..please just let him go.. Ill go with you or.. Whatever you want please just.. Just let him go rowan..”

“And miss the fun opportunity? Absolutely not. What lesson would you learn from that?”

There it is. Just as strong as before. The fear and desperation as he pulls on the ropes once more, not seeming to care about the threat he was given not 5 minutes prior. Why is he fighting me so hard? A small glimpse of blinking green shines once again in the corner of my eye. He’s calling for her again. He really.. Doesn't.. Trust.. Me. I want to throw something. I want to punch the nearest fucking wall, or hell even person. But my thoughts are cut short by her soft chuckle in my ear.

“Maybe i should make him do all the punishing, maybe then you'll listen more”

Was he listening? He didn't seem to be. I just watched him continue to pull his wrists free of the tightly bound ropes to no avail. Then i hear it.

“Zayden..”

My name.

“Stop him”

Stop him.

No..

 Kill him. 

Please..

Beat him. 

I cant..

How fucking pretty his blood will look on your hands. Your angry. I know you are. 

It.. I-I'm not fucking angry..! 

Let it out. Its okay. This isn't real anyway. 

Stop it!

You wanted this didn't you? You wanted him gone. Just you and Zee again. Nothing to get in your way. 

FUCK!

My bodies moving, i can feel it move to him faster than i ever have. I watch the fear grow in his eyes. But not for her. For me. My hands wrap around his small neck easily. I'm squeezing tightly and he can do nothing to stop my hands from breaking his small neck right there. He doesn't move.. Is that on purpose? All i can do is watch his eyes stare back at mine, glossed over and welling with tears.

“...Zayden… please…”

His voice is weak.. Soft.. searching for any air I might accidentally let in. I cant move my eyes from his and for a moment I question myself. Do I want this? This isn't.. Something I wanted. I was here to protect him.. Zee trusted me to protect him.. And yet here my hands are on the bring of taking the very life I was entrusted with. Not only by her.. But by him too. No.. no no no this.. Let go.. Let go.. Let go! Suddenly he’s on the floor, trying to curl himself as much as he can.. Trying to catch his breath quickly as though I may take it away once again. I shoved him backwards as hard as I could and now tears stream down his soft cheeks as he whimpers in pain. 

“Already listening more than Cain ever did with you”

The white haired fucker spoke up for the first time in what felt like ages. I almost forgot he was even here. Part of me wonders if he really poses any use to this shit except being the getaway bitch. 

“Maybe i should just keep him instead, way stronger too.”

I pay no mind to their conversation. Instead, focused on the small boy in front of me on the floor as I place one of my boots on his chest. Not like he was going anywhere if I hadn't. Nor would his eyes dare to leave me either. He winced at the pressure, still attempting to breath from my last attack.

“Zayden please you're- you're hurting me please g-gonna break- gonna break my ribs..”

No no.. I cant break you.. I - I need to save you.. I'm gonna help you.. I need you alive little hero. Everyone elses voices are nothing but muffled gibberish until i hear my dreaded name once again, not a foot from me, as she slides her hand up my left back and to my shoulder. Her grip tightens once she gets there

“-..Zayden, why don't you give him a taste of his own medicine? Not fair he got to stab you right? Bet you've been wanting revenge for that all this time”

Have I? I don't blame him for that.. do I? When did she get that close? Though my thoughts don't stop my body's instant reaction to turn in her direction and take the beautiful gold plated serrated knife she held out to me. Her initials engraved on the side of the blade. I can tell by the smirk on her face that she's pleased with this response. However, Cain was clearly not so pleased with this decision. I felt him panicking beneath my foot, attempting to pry his wrists once again from the rope. Once my attention was back on him his heartbeat felt like a fucking drum, I almost thought he’d have a heart attack before i even finished. Jax’s voice perked up again.

“Don't even have to worry bout what we tell him, quiet fucking puppet.”

“Not even a peep out of him. Zayden, you make things go away, take his sight while you're at it.”

Its true. My powers are no secret. I take away people's senses with a single touch. Cain hated his taken, I've known this. But even then this felt right.. I had to do this.. For him..? For me..? I wasn't sure. All I knew is my feet were moving as were my hands directly towards the fearful boy. His feet moved backwards as he stared at me, hoping it would save him from my grasp.. From my power. And it almost did.

“Zay.. Zay please you have to stop y-you can do it, know-know you can..”

His voice shook and his back met the concrete wall behind him. It only made him more frantic when he felt the cold wall and for a moment.. His words made me consider. I stopped for only a second, my eyes scanning his face trying to figure out why his words mattered so much to me.. My body.. My mind screamed for me to do it.. But I couldn't be rid of something deep in the back of my thoughts, screaming at the top of its lungs to stop. But it wasn't there for long, being drowned out by her voice giving me another order. Only three words.. But three words that clearly mattered more than anything screaming in my head. 

“Get him Zayden”

I could see her piercing glare at the small boy through the corner of my eye.. Though I'm unsure if he cared to notice too. Too busy attempting to avoid my touch once again. He reached out and grabbed me, a bold move but one i knew could be the end of me if he wanted. And for a moment i thought it was.. It sure fucking felt like it. The dizzying shot of his power coursing through my arm where he touched, straight to my head and all through my body faster then i could even think to move. 

“I-I'm sorry I'm sorry.. Please.. Please don't touch me..”

His words were pleading and genuinely apologetic. He made me fucking sick.. He’s done it before.. But not since.. Fuck I cant believe I was so fucking stupid. I cant believe he fucking did this to me.. It fucking hurts. I let go of whatever I had of him almost immediately and reach for my head instead, closing my eyes along with it. I feel like I'm going to fucking fall over. Fall 50 feet over a buildings ledge. I had one order and I couldn't just fucking do it.. Why cant he let me do this? All I can do is curse.

“Look at you Cain, fighting back? Against your new favorite person? Seems like your betrayal doesn't just include us”

I can feel her glare even when my eyes are closed, though its not towards me.. It stings all the same. Her voice is quaint and angry and i can hear his footsteps moving quickly past me. God this fucking sucks.. I feel myself sink down to the floor.

“Zayden. Zayden get the fuck up. You're tough aren't you? You're gonna let him treat you like this?”

Fuck I cant.. My body is screaming for me to move.. But I- fuck I cant. It hurts. I know the repercussions of staying here.. But I cant force myself to move. I hear him whimper a few feet from my left as he spoke once again.

“Please just leave him alone.. I-I learned my lesson, I'm so sorry.. I'm sorry..”

And for a moment there is silence, but only for a moment until I hear a voice I haven't heard quite yet, but familiar all the same. Her voice is light, soft.. But stern. She always has a distinct accent, haven't heard anyone's like it before. My only wish is that she made better time.. She's really gotta work on that.

“The fuck is this?”

Were never hearing the end of this. 

“Now the whole fucking party’s here”

I hear the stupid white hair teleporter speak to my right.. Seems as though he’s next to rowan now. Great. I force my eyes to open, observing everyone, though they don't seem to notice as their eyes are glued to the tall dark haired woman in her skin tight black suit that has now entered the ring. Rowans eyes roll as she speaks.

“Come to play? I'm sure he’d love both of you finishing his punishment for me”

Z shot her a glare in response, I had always found her crystal eyes deadly. Now I'm sure of it. 

“What? Cant fight your own battles all of a sudden? Done getting your ass handed to you?”

“Awe but its so much more fun to watch you all put on a cute little performance for us”

Rowans white haired pet speaks with a sly smirk on his face, I think if I could kill one person in the entire world and not get Z’s backlash on ‘being a hero’.. It'd be him. Though right now her look almost makes me think shell do it for me at this point. Cain had only curled up in the corner far from any of us. And for a moment my mind felt more clear, as everything that had happened suddenly rushed at me like a tsunami. All i can think of is him, and for him.. I immediately take my hand and touch my forearm.. Focusing on my power and taking away my own hearing. I used to do this often, mostly when i was tired of zees rant and lessons, or when someone on the train was just to fucking much.. So reading lips was not as difficult a task as for others, and now i can breath. Watching as the group argues and whines. Watching their lips closely.

“Entertainment? No wonder you all haven't taken over yet”

“Seems like were doing real fuckin good right now, entertainment or not” Jax snarked back

“Seems like you all are wasting your time once again, now should i kill you or should you go and leave us the hell alone?”

She was always giving them outs.. It was her only flaw. And one i feared would be her demise.

“Zayden, kill her”

Rowan seemed to grow tired of the arguing and yea.. Fuck you. I didn't move and inch from where I was and confusion was slowing growing on rowans face as she turned her attention to me, noticing my lack of movement. Her white haired pet noticed to, not wasting a moment to send his smokey powers into zees throat. she struggled to breath, grabbing at her throat and I could only watch for a moment before rowan lunges for me. I couldn't make out what she was saying to me, but all I knew it is was obviously really fucking dumb. I attempt to touch her, hoping that if I took away anything from her that her white haired pet would follow suit and disengage the smoke he had in Z’s lungs. I tried standing, fighting against Rowan to hopeful get an advantage. I was far taller then her, and id argue stronger, but only standing. She knew it to, as soon as I groggily got to my feet she attempted to back away.

“Fucking asshole! You were doing so well too!”

Wah wah. All I can tell from her expression is that she's whining. Shocker. Suddenly a flash of light was there.. Then gone. As was she. Her pet had teleported himself over and grabbed her.. Guess that works. Z’s now coughing up a lung in hopes to get her breath back and I am the smartest fucking person on the team. Everything's in harmony. The only problem is I’m still dizzy as a bitch.. And fearful of what I've done to Cain.. Trying to suppress those thoughts until after the danger has passed is easier said then done as they keep flashing in the front of my mind. How could you? He needed you? You did this. You hurt him. Soon my eyes are finding themselves distracted on the moving figure in front of me as she runs in Cain's direction. I don't dare move closer then I am already, I don't deserve that. I don't deserve him to see me right now. I don't deserve him near me.

“Hey.. hey are you hurt?”

She speaks in her soft, nurturing voice she always uses with him. 

“C-cant tell.. Cant s-see.. Hurts”

I cant hear him.. But I watch the pain on his face flourish. for a moment i think that maybe I should find the two fuckheads that caused this. To kill them or die trying. To show him I'm-.. I'm fuckin sorry. But my feet are planted where i am and I only watch as Z carefully crouches next to him.

“Can I touch you? I wanna make sure you're okay”

“Can- can touch me..”

He nods only slightly and it hits me. The chair. The chair I brutally shoved him over in as his wrists and ankles were bound, powerless to choose otherwise. 

“..Head.. check his head.. and his chest.. Check them both..”

She glances at me when I speak before immediately turning her attention back to the small boy, checking him over.. First his chest.. That was only littered with a few scrapes and bruises.. Then his head.. Fine for a moment until her hand slowly slide to the back of his head. The pain on his face was enough of an indication that she hit the spot, let alone the hard flinch that followed. She moved her hand away as fast as he had reacted to it being there to begin with, and with that her hand was decorated in a dark red liquid. If her face didn't show concern before it sure did now. It was written all over it. I did this. I caused this to him. He could die because of me. 

“Oh fuck Cain..” 

 “H-hurts so much.. I don't- I don't understand..”

He looks confused. I feel selfish. 

“You're okay.. You're gonna be fine here.. Let me lift you okay?”

I watch as she carefully picks him up of the floor before rowans mouth seemly opens once again, this time Jax no where near her. 

“Whos this Cain? Answer your mother. Should your mother know all your friends?”

“I-i just want to go home Z..”

This cant be good. Z seems to try to ignore her taunts, only frowning in response, but I cant say that its working the same for Cain. 

“I know.. We will.. I promise”

“Oh Z? What an interesting name. Why don't you come bring him to me Z”

The smirked grows on her face as zee stops for a moment and starts heading in the direction of the smart mouthed woman. And for a moment I think it might have worked.. But her eyes are still hers, as are her movements. They give her away, and suddenly I don't feel like the smartest person on the team anymore. 

“Good girl”

Rowan mused seemingly proud of herself as Z made her way closer to rowan. There was a pause.. And then finally, like a bolt of lightning, Z reaches out her hand as grabs rowans forearm. As rowans eyes grow wider and she attempts to yank her arm away from her grasp, I can only assume she's draining her. 

“Get off!!” 

Just then I feel a cold think metal pressed against my neck and an muscled arm wrap itself around me before I can make a move. 

“Fucken stop, or ill kill him!”

Her pets voice was like nails on a chalkboard to my ears, and of course he was right fuckin next to them. But as zee looked over at the screaming banchi, she let rowans arm free and she stumbled backwards just as quickly. Just as fast as the metal was there, it was gone. A flash of light left in its place as Jax teleported his way over to his owner, and then poof… they were both gone with the light. Wherever they went I couldn't seem to care. All i could focus on was the boy in Z’s arms still, looking at her suit that was now covered in his own dark red blood. 

“C-can feel the b-blood..”

“Hey hey, its okay. I'm gonna help you okay?’

Her voice and attention all back to him. Paying me almost no mind. Which was okay.. Perfect actually.. Really didn't need the lecture right about now. 

“I- I cant heal it.. I-I cant heal it I would if I could..”

He’s always trying to fix himself, fix everyone. Even when he’s the one dying. Which of course it’d be very convenient if his powers worked as so, but they weren't always so considerate. Z knew so too, but i knew she couldn’t break it to him. She never could. 

“I know.. I know you would its okay.. Head wounds bleed a lot even when they're small. Ill fix it for you and it'll be okay.”

I watch her as she tries to stop the bleeding with her hand. Only met with another small flinch and a scrunched face.

“Ow.. that-that really hurts”

“Shh I know.. I'm sorry. Let me take you home okay? Zay will follow”

He only nods and she gives me a short glance, hoping I would get the memo I assume. But that doesn't stop them from talking about me some more. 

“H-he okay? I made him sick I-I think?”

“He looks okay, I don't think he can hear, but that's his own doing don't worry about him”

Please don't worry about me, I don't think I can handle anymore fucking pity. I don't deserve it.

“I-I gave her his name.. I-I didn't mean to.. M I in t-trouble?”

Z shook her head, and I absently shook mine slightly as well. No. never.

“That's not your fault.. Absolutely not. Not even a little”

This time he didn't reply, only playing with the zipper and clasps on her suit as she gave me another quick glance, beginning to walk home. I just followed, a few paces back. Keeping my distance. I cant risk anything. I cant.

[spider-xan]

different anon, but me too!!! I loathe Superior Spider-Man. Like, sure, it's interesting to read a story where Otto is Spider-Man, but bodyswaps in general are so uncomfortable and gross to me. It's like a major breach of privacy and autonomy. Not to mention that Slott chose the most disgusting route in portraying it with Peter in Otto's decaying body seeing May and Otto do the Deed, and the whole Otto shagging women in Peter's body. Hello??? Even in my 14yo edgy era I wouldn't pull this shit. It's appalling. No other way to describe it - appalling and disgusting. I'm baffled that there are people who like it and look past all the ick surrounding it.

Oh and I hate that the suit looks SO GOOD. A different Spider-Man deserves that design. Ew.

Yeah, it's like, the idea of Otto and Peter swapping lives could be interesting bc they are definitely foils of each other and you could probably get some really great character work out of that if handled very carefully; unfortunately, we got Dan Slott, who was upfront about identifying with Otto and cannot write with any kind of sincerity and maturity without turning things into a joke to troll people, so we got a bodyswap plot that actually emphasized all the worst possible elements involving bodily autonomy, privacy, and consent and turned Otto into a fucking awful sex pest and rapist who violated multiple people through deception or using their body against their will.

I remember dealing with how awful a lot of misogynists were in the fandom back then bc many people were vocally against the teased Mary Jane potential rape plot, but we would get shouted down by his stans arguing that it wouldn't be rape or rape by deception bc sleeping with a body that had someone eise's mind isn't possible in real life, which was missing the point entirely; honestly, from my experience, the people who love Superior Spider-Man are usually edgelord types who over-identify with Otto in the worst way possible and genuinely believe Peter is an inferior Spider-Man bc he's not as violent, doesn't kill, and is less intelligent, so it's a weird power fantasy for the type of comic boy fanboy who thinks he's oppressed die being a nerd.

And yeah, in isolation, I love the costume! It's a great design with nods to the red and black costume in Amazing Fantasy #15, but with a sinister creepy vibe that really evokes a spider, especially with the black eye lenses, but the context is the worst; I'm hoping Insomniac Spider-Man 3 has no plans of going there due to the fact that the sequel game didn't remove the Superior suit as an alternate costume the way they apparently did with the symbiote suit in the first game, but the set up they have with Otto and his body gradually losing mobility does seem like his storyline could head in that direction.

[howtotrainyournana]

ello, it’s the da capo anon! I love The Crane Wives too they’re phenomenal!! y’all have good taste!! :]

a couple of my favorite songs: curses, never love an anchor, the moon will sing, easier. I’m in a modern band class and we performed I talk in my sleep and it really grew on me, too!

(nominating easier for da capo vibes - “I’m at a loss for better plans, ‘cause this is all I have, so I’ll just close my eyes and try to pretend that it gets easier”)

new version of hello my old heart is phenomenal and actually my preferred version, too (both are great, though, because it’s a great song - just different vibes)

hozier is a bit hit or miss for me (most artists are, rip, I’m picky about music) but I still lodge a lot of his songs! Like real people do and shrike are phenomenal, like real people do hits me right in the feels just. in general, completely unconnected from any media. it’s great.

ooo, I actually had not read hold me softly before seeing that snippet, and I did to get the context, and! I am intrigued! the deal Dream made w the blood god where he wins if he dies! did & dreams relationship being so soft! it’s very neat!! re: the excerpt, so I see Dream is upping his game by kidnapping a king lmaooo. he’s a very polite kidnapper lol, eret is having a fun time. I’m sure this will not go wrong at all!

I haven’t gotten around to reading schrodinger’s ghost yet, but the excerpt is very interesting, even if I have no idea what’s going on. I love your writing! It’s straightforward & not cluttered, but you always include beautiful little details too.

I should give an artist rec too shouldn’t I hmmmm

have I already rec’d Of Monsters and Men? they’re an indie/alt/rock band (I think, I’m not very good with genres haha) if not, they’re phenomenal! I’m particularly fond of “King and Lionheart”, which is phenomenal vibes all around, “Little Talks” (nominating for da capo vibes again - “It’s killing me to see you this way, ‘cause though the truth may vary, this ship will carry our bodies safe to shore” and “Some days, I don’t know if I am wrong or right, your mind is playing tricks on you my dear”)

hope everyone in this extended indirect conversation has a very nice day!!!

Da capo anon i am holding you gently in my cupped hands, you ALSO have excellent taste!!!

I just listened to "Easiser" by the Crane Wives and - oh my gosh!!! The da capo vibes are!!!! So real!!!!! it is now on the playlist. Good gosh I love the Crane Wives so much. Their harmonies and tone are just . . . splendid. Folk music is so invigorating.

I'm so glad you read hold me softly and liked it!!! aaaaaa!!!! that story is my baby. My firstborn child. Dream's deal is so deliciously fun to work with from a storytelling perspective. There's so many layers of it and it's so fun to reveal layer by layer of it as the story progresses. Also! Dream and XD's relationship in this story is so fun! My wife has listened to hours upon hours of me spinning details of this story and the character's reasonings and motivations, and by far one of the most fun relationships to pick apart and dissect and extol on is Dream and XD's. XD is a benevolent god in this universe, instead of the indifferent/malicious one he is in canon, but he's not without his ruthlessness. Which is a fun balance to try and hit. Also? Dream kidnapping Eret? Dream is just using Eret as a means to an end and doesn't have anything personally against Eret. He's going to be a gentleman about the whole thing. Unfortunately for him, Eret is going to make his life a living hell - not because he dislikes Dream, but because it's fun t mess with Dream and let it never be said that Eret is an easy or willing target, even if he likes his kidnapper. Eret is going to make Dream work for his goals.

Thank you on telling me what you like about my writing! I make sure to include little sensory and environmental details - it's like gilding on a book or molding on a wall. Not necessary, but a pleasing embellishment that adds to the development of the overall atmosphere. There's plenty of that in Schrodinger's Ghost, if you ever do check it out.

I hope everyone in this extended conversation has a good weekend! Remember to drink your water, eat your food, and give yourself a compliment! Love you guys!!!!