#i need to catch up with sandra's works too omg

[ficsforeren]

PLEASEEEE RECOMMEND ME PPL WHO WRITE AOT FICS LIKE U

omg babe i haven't read any aot fics (or any fics, really) in sooooo long so I really don't know what to recommend i'm sorry 😭😭😭

BUT

sandra and I literally share the same braincell so if you're looking for someone who has similar writing style (and she's better than me too) you can try and read her works! her smutty fics are SUPER HOT but her fluffy ones are great too! go to @smfics and have fun!

[koalaaquabear]

The 5 hour finale live stream just concluded and y’all, it was crazy. It has been a wonderful several months with all you guys and I am so excited for April 8th and Junior Year. 

MASSIVE SPOILERS UNDER THE FOLD IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THE STREAM YET. Here is my clusterfuck of a commentary. Enjoy!

Fantasy High: Sophomore Year Live Reaction -HOOT GROWL BABY it's time. I didn't react to part one but wOW that one was crazy. Get ready for EMOTIONS :'(( -SIG FIG RESCUE MISSION lol #ontour -well ok brennan that canopy shit is scary as fuck -murph is still looking like riz -Zaphriel and Ayda!!!!!!! -"HOLD ME BACK GORGUG" i love u emily -Brennan I stg -Ayda is Gorgug's dad lol -oh shIT they're totally in the cottage -heLL YEAH AYDA!! -oh GOD figayda kiss? exceptional. -if ayda dies i WILL throw dice at Brennan -ok brennan make me cry then -GET THE VAN GORGUG -gorgug truly is the greatest wizard of this age -#hugeblueguy -aww zac oyama i love you -"semi-fallen" oH dEar -gorgug texts zelda IMMEDIATELY i love him -amaZING thank you zelda -"ew, creepy, hate that" -zaphriel is the best character you guys, what a homie -i keep forgetting ayda can fly. like she has wings. i know that. -AELWYN! -nOPE someone is coming through the forest and if it's arianwen i will kill cry -HANGMAN???? -HANGMAN!!!! HIS DOG!!!!! -HANGMAN NO I LOVE YOU YOU'RE THE CUTEST DOGGY -adaine i love you baby -"the weak yogurt man" -what high ranking devil??? -fabian you're adorable -aww fabian has a puppy!! (i get that the hangman is eight feet long don't @ me) -that's the first "the ball" -lou can never have the highest roll -BARDY BOYS -oop kristen and riz time -tracker? i barely even know her -chills, brennan. chills -someone in the chat just said "so did skrank fuck zelda?" -intense muSIC -nononononononono -ragh, tracker, and sandralynn better be all right -ooo a sTICK -HELL YEAH RETURN OF THE RIBBON DANCE -"riz weeps" holy shit i love him -"something bad always happens when we go off together" -#RIZTEN -awwoOOOOOOO -ayda can fly too! -absolutely FUCK this bridge ABOUT 30 MINUTES -poor ayda -please say they're ok brennan -"put your tongue baCK in your mouth" -sANDRA LYNN NO -"what kind of arrows" "you know what kind" fuCK OFF BRENNAN -if baxter dies i will cry -wait faerie fire is a cleric spell..? absolutely fuck me -ok aelwyn let's fuck shit up -calling the bank in the middle of this nightmare forest lol -heLL YEAH ZAPHRIEL -luck check luck check luck check -"y'all are going to turn into dragons" -fabian straight up cries? what a fucking rich kid -NO WAY HE HAD T H E COIN??? -REMOVE CURSE BABY -"nnOOO!" lmao -ally and brennan are in the chat -kristen's religion is REALLY coming in handy -the name was turned into the night yorb lol -"how's that axe feeling?" "..pretty light ;)" i love him -ayda can lift the axe??? exceptional -FIG IS KALINA? ABSOLUTELY RAD -brennan has created a place where illusions are real and emily is holding him TO IT -"do you have a dongle?" incredible -EMILY I LOVE YOU! KALINA IS A YOUTUBER BABY -wretchrot is baCK baby -aelwyn i love that -"i am a low quality child" "yeah ayda you're a bad kid" -"hey bitch" emily axford is a goddess -im sorry cOURT OF ELDERS? -NO I WILL CRY -ROLL INITIATIVE TIME -go OFF hangman -ooo some high initiatives babyyy -zac oyama is my favorite ever -"trackerrr" -brian as soon as emily was threatened said "how dare you" -brennan you FUCK "i'm awake for all of this" FUCK YOU -fig and her mommy issues: an album -absolutely FUCK THE TREE GUY -kick that wood elf BITCH ABOUT ONE HOUR -fuck him UP fabian, shit in his gODDAMN mOUTh -"SPRING BREAK YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER" -pleASE BRENNAN LET HIM SHOOT HER WITH THE TINCTURE -spRING break this is for the corn god -okay nevermind riz is holding his action -i love the intrepid heroes they're adorable -"ice feast" fucking love them so much -yES the ball thank GOD -brennan..? -"her rage ends" tracker = barbarian -FIRST NAT 20 BABY -"IT 100% WORKS BUT IT 50% WORKED" -that's the second "the ball" -bOOOOOOO BRENNAN -mad plans for the tree guy -sorry, is his name crAFTME ROOTDRINKER? -oh ok it's aelwyn we're fine -cone of cOLD baby i love aelwyn what a babe -you absolutely hate to see it -ragh my baby i love you -SPRING BREAK -tracker nO PLEASE -TRACKER JUST CRIT OH NO -brennan is really good at acting this btw -wait 14 on a crit??? i mean oH NO kRISTEN, bOO -disPEL MAGIC BABY -ALLY BEARDSLEY YOU ABSOLUTE GOD -aww kristennn is babyyy -tracker nooo don't cryyyy -you've sAVED your GIRLFRIEND -"some of us have already done that today" fig the sHADE -ally simply musT get new dex -absolutely fuck that brennan i don't need that vampire pixie -FUCK IT UP AYDA -FIGHT ME IN THE SKY! -"does a 29 hit?" daMN zac that absolute SHADE -53 DAMAGE?? CHEJ IS SO FUCKING STRONG -"goddamn paper lantern" -absolutely fuck you brennan -nevermind gorgug and adaine both passed the con saving throw -"i don't like you" lou really gets personally upset about this and i love that -nO NO NONONONO aelwyn and tracker are down -FUCK IT UP ADAINE -gdi brennan don't do this to us -ABSOLUTELY FUCK THE TREE -fig is straight up gonna kill her mom -this is scary as fuck -HANGMAN HAS A BREATH WEAPON AND YOU DIDN'T SAY SHIT??? CHOKE ON GRAPES BRENNAN -FUCK EM UP HANGMAN ABOUT 1 HOUR AND A HALF -wood elf is DOWN baby hoot growl -kristen thinks the elf is gak lol -23 DAMAGE??? AC OF 25??? ABSOLUTELY FUCK IT UP FABIAN -SHENANIGANS TIME FOR MURPH -HELL SECRET AGENT TIME -27??? RIZ YOU'RE THE HOTTEST -third the ball -imagine the ball is secretly SO HOT without the hat -YES BRENNAN GOT A NAT 1 EAT YOUR GODDAMN DICE -sweEET -fourth the ball (they've all been Lou cuz of course) -incredible turn murph -kalina is SO GOOD at skateboarding -#bloodphoto -KALINA HAS 23 WISDOM? absolutely fuck me -oh hELL YEAH FIG COUNTER THE COUNTER -emily is doing some SHIT right now you guys (fear spell) -DAMMIT that high as fuck wisdom -sorry WHAT she rips open sPACE??? -BABY BETTER SAVE THE GODDAMN DAY -let's go BABY -"mMMHHHHnnN leET ME tOUCh ItT" baby is fucking weird -"baby vs mommy" i love you siobhan -aelwyn better not DIE brennan -riz baby let's get it -trACKEr -nAT 1??? kristen is unCONSCIOUS?? -HUMAN DETERMINATION!!! THE GRIT BABY] -wait aura of life is badass!! they can't lose damage?? -okay scrap that we're gonna TURN UNDEAD and then MASS HEALING WORD? absolutely incredible -gorgug has so much goddamn health -FUCK THIS TREE DUDE -KILL IT AYDA LET'S GO -"her girl's side" *in lou voice* okAY bRENNNAn -second nat 1 but both of them re-rolled -GEM!!!! -LET'S GET GORTHALAX BABYYYY -"BIG DADDY" -ayda is so turned on lol -KILL IT CHEJ OKAYYYY -fuck this centaur -i'm so nervous -puT THOSE DICE DOWN BRENNAN -"you're gonna drop." shuT UP -riz is fULLY DEAD???? -i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. i hate this. -sHUT UP BRENNAN -baby is DEAD oh my GOD you absolutely hate to see it ABOUT 2 HOURS -nO NO NO NO NO NO NO PUT THAT CROWN AWAY BITCH -absolutely fuck me, the nightmare king is totally fucking back i hate myself -aww fabian is baby -hELL YEAH FABIAN SPRING BREAK -"i've lost one friend, that's too many" fabian is adorable -"that's a full ass miss, my guy" -sandra lynn just crit on chej :(((((( -14 damage is not very spring break of her (she did 28 but it was halved because gorgug is such a strong boyyy) -LET'S GO LOU -almost all of them are spellcasters wtf (only one who isn't is riz but he has a daily misty step) -fuck em up hangman -fUCK EM UP HANGMAN! d8 + 2d6 +8 i think -figaroth the unfaethable baby -THOSE ARE SOME SHENANIGANS FIG I LOVE IT (she's shattering the rubies to get a revivify diamond) -casts teleport??? aelwyn came here to FUCK -"i would love to teach you this spell" aww the abernant sisters liking each other is my new aesthetic -fuck em up adaine -you can hit the tree on a 12 babyyyyy -heLL YEAH 44 DAMAGE ADAINE IS STRONG NOW -kalina is not even that cool she just said "that's enough of that" in the most uncool way -2 down 3 to go! -omg wait it would be so badass if they could just remove curse on kalina -"Mr. The Insatiable" -ayda is such a sweetheart "i don't care if you want me to date your daughter but i do hope you love me" -"I LOVE THIS SONG" yes siobhan me too -on a DC 20 she got a 31!!!! consider my jeans creamed -SHRED BABY GIRL!!! -KILLIAN IS DEAD! RIZ IS ALIVE! -ayda is so turned on AHHH -I LOVE RIZ SO MUCH "am i interrupting something???" -fuck him UP chej! 3 hits, no crits -hell yeah mr. march!! oh sorry wrong series -a gROUP PROJECT i'm DEAD -someone in the chat called him "snac oyama" and you're rigHT -siobhan's straight fucking this tree UP -the spellcasters are like all out of spells at this point -fuck OFF arianwen. KILL YOUR MOM -"where's your father, aelwyn?" "last i saw, adaine killed him so *shrug*" i lOVE HER -FUCK THEM UP GORTHALAX -abolutely fuck the nightmare king -waIT GORTHALAX IS GONNA KILL THE NIGHTMARE KING -sidenote: fig calls gorthalax pops -dO IT BRENNAN kILL YOUR OWN BIG BAD -this treeant has GOT to be dead -NAT 1 on that attack?? SPRING BREAK BABY -no we haven't seen kalina in action brennan, and we do not want to -OH SHIT THE TIE! YOu just got FUCKed bRENnan eaT youR DICE -yeS AYDA ROAST HER -"GOTTEM!" -i'm sorry i just hallucinated, did you say 6 ATTACKS? -time to go VIRAL BABY -19 intelligence, 23 wisdom, 20 charisma for kalina? absolutely fuck me -riz just got kICKed! you absolutely hate to see it -GODDAMMIT -KALINA IS HOMOPHOBIC CONFIRMED ABOUT 2 AND A HALF HOURS -brennan be like "im about to kill this bird" -absolutely fuck me i hate this -let's go FIG -time to caTCH the bALL -murph has the same thinking face as riz and it's adorable -this is not very spring break brennan -DC 25 acrobatics check? c'mon faBIAN -29????? -fifth the ball (from the hangman) -"there's just something endearing about him" fabian loving his friends is adorable -absolutely fuck me that fire elemental is adorable -absolutely swaddle the ball -well hot take but fuck the nightmare king you guys -absolutely NOT brennan do NOT kill adaine you PSYCHO BITCH -PLEASE ADAINE LIVE -STRAIGHT DEAD? FULLY DEAD? FUCK OFF WITH THIS INSTAKILL SHIT BRENNAN -hell yeah ayda is back and kristen has the revivify diamond -aelwyn FULLY banished that unicorn -it's good to know ragh really doesn't want them to die -YES RAGH IS BACK BABY -fuck em up kristen -s/o to DND Beyond btw absolutely banger website -hell yeah mass healing word is awesome -clerics are GOOD you guys i should play more clerics -FUCK IT UP AYDA -SANDRA LYNN IS BACK BABY -skater chej is my favorite thing -aBSOLUTEly fuck the tree -i have no idea wHAT is happening ABOUT 3 HOURS -fuCK YOU nightmare king -i absolutely hate this battle but at least gorthalax is still standing -gorgug better split this gd tree -"what if we just kill kalina?" yeah zac it's that goddamn easy -brennan almost just fucked everyone -"does she want to borrow my teddy bear?" the SHADE -"MAKEOVERRR" i love you siobhan -this tree SUCKS -battlemaster is cool as fUCK SPRING BREAK -BARDY BOYS also i think that was a nat 20 -i can't imagine the thistlesprings watching the battle livestream and like worrying if gorgug is going to die -FUCK HER UP THE BALL -ABSOLUTE SHENANIGANS FROM MURPH! -with ADVANTAGE BABY -"has anyone seen my hat!?" keep it off baby you're HOT now -"mirrors negate mirrors" "i think oscar wilde said that" i love them -#hotrizweek? -holy shit fig is FUCKING THIS BATTLE UP -HELL YEAH KALINA ROLLS A NATURAL 2!!!! -hell yeah adaine is back and SO MUCH is happening that i'm like forgetting to write down my reactions -kill this woody motherfucker baby -the music is too lOUD -ok it's normal now -fuck em up gorgug -i'm sorry the chat is saying he did 90 DAMAGE?!?!?!? -KILL IT CHEJ ILY -fuck off brennan, absolutely fuck off -ABSOLUTELY FUCK OFF BRENNAN -gorthalax is FULLY DEAD? absolUTELY FUCK YOU -SAINT KRISTEN APPLEBEES -adaine has SOLVED THIS SHIT -god all the abernant names are confusing -fuck you kalina ABOUT 3 AND A HALF HOURS -BRENNAN I STG IF RAGH ENDS UP DEAD -hellish rebuke that bitch -c'MON faBIAN HIT that BITCH -wait is kalina a rogue and a druid? absolutely incredible -FUCK IT UP FABIAN -OMG THE HANGMAN BETTER FUCK THIS UP -YES THE BALL 31 DAMAGE -so the stream just ended. i'll say it again: absolutely fuck me -ok so we're back and kalina got fucked up -WHAT THE FUCK A NAT 20???????? YOU ABSOLUTELY LOVE TO SEE IT -ALLY WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS -I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS AND NEITHER CAN BRENNAN -MAGIC IS REAL AND SO IS MY ALLY -i can't believe this. eat your GOD damn DICE brennan! -OMG ARE THE NIGHTMARE KING AND THE GODDESS ONE AND THE SAME? -THEY ARE! THE NIGHTMARE KING IS THE NIGHTMARE QUEEN -brennan is CRAZY AHHHHH -brennan absolutely stop this tension -28 insight. brennan is fucked -GO TOWARDS HIM KRISTEN -YES!!!! PLEASE SAY THIS IS A GOOD THING -ALLY GOT A NAT 20 THEY BETTER BE RIGHT -fear. is. not. real. -this is just like the ending of moana -NO WAY BRENNAN I LOVE YOU (you wouldn't believe it from what i have said but it's true) -this is intense i'm about to cry -you're meeting god and you say "is it too early for this?" -LMAO 5'9" -Moral of the story: IDK and that's OK -ok ally make me cRy -HELL YEAH NEW SHIRT BABY -i'm so emotional -"well oBVIouslY cASsAndRa" i wish every deity had names as normal and human as cassandra -fuck them UP cassie -i love that tracker's just like "uh... babe?" -love having god in your corner -no more hangman puppy :((( -RIZTEN are the CUTEST i love them "i love all of them, riz the most, we know this" -"we still need the crown for our grade" FABIAN I LOVE YOU -"counselo- former counsel- i'm an assistant :(" why do y'all think this man is hot -KILL ARIANWEN -"she tried to hurt me in my shattered state?" "that's her MO" aww adaine my baby -HOLY SHIT PLEASE GIVE GILEAR ALL OF ARIANWEN'S MAGIC -GORGUG YOU SWEETHEART I LOVE YOU -cassandra throwing SHADE -ThE vANdS -aelwyn throwing SHADE -AWW RAGH I LOVE YOU BABY brennan lives another day -"a big bug gave me a riddle" that is NOT what happened -aww the hirelings are all crying and i DO NOT stan -hell YEAH cassandra OH I STOPPED KEEPING TRACK OF TIME IT'S BEEN OVER 4 HOURS -hELL YES HANGVAN -i love you fabian -nO IS CHUNGLE DOWN BIM REAL? -maybe the real chungle down bim is the friends we made along the way -GARTHY i love them -arthuR aGUEFORT - absolutely wild -ayda and arthur is crazy -"snOGGING THE HEADMASTER'S DAUGHTER ARE WE?" -awww that is so smooth fig "you don't need to make me the most magnificent creature because it seems you already have" -ARTHUR PULLS THROUGH -garthy is a cutie i love how they care so much for ayda -oH FUCK ME garthy is ayda's child from her previous life -"your girlfriend's daughter fucked your mom!" goddammit siobhan i can't handle this -if they fail i will cry -CHRONOMANCY!? absolutely fuck me -"professor principal headmaster aguefort" -hell yeah arthur you're killing it -faelwyn? absolutely can't handle it -aww kristen is baby -jawbone and sandra lynn are ok? amazing -jawbone is the best character -"our parents are great" kill me why don't you siobhan -AWWW FUCKING STOP BRENNAN WITH THESE GIFTS -i just cried he wants to adopt her -"you're easy to love" jawbone is fUCKING me up -LYDIA BARKROCK what a badass i love her already -"a pheonix whom everyone she touches is reborn better" fuck off emily -gorgug is a cutie <3 <3 -ABSOLUTELY KICK SKRANKS BIRD ASS -GORGUG CONFIRMED FUCKS -riz is a dork i love him -who knew "you're so much like your father" could make me feel like that -GILEAR IS MOVING THE FUCK IN BABY -GILEAR WITH SELF CONFIDENCE IS MY AESTHETIC -aww jawbone gave ayda autism books? jawbone is the sweetest to ayda cuz OF COURSE HE IS -AYDA GETS HER SPELL!!! -Ayda's Comprehend Subtext is the cutest spell ever -adaine and fig's friendship is too cute -craig has always been down for everything. i don't know craig but i love him -YES HOOT GROWL HOOT GROWL I'M SO PROUD OF RAGH -"BAD KIDS FOR LIFE" RAGH IS A CUTIE -NO FAELWYN IS REALLY HAPPENING I CAN'T -fabian's laugh is so cute -i love how nervous fabian is -WAIT FABIAN AND AELWYN ABSOLUTELY WILL FUCK? -fabian's gonna get his KISSES IN -aww i get how hyped figayda is but they are truly so adorable -weLL EMILY AXFORD I WILL LET YOU HURT ME LIKE THAT -they said i love you :((( -tracker only deserves the best -TRACKER'S GOING TO FALLINEL? I LOVE HER -ragh is going too? gay road trip! -that's adorable -ABSOLUTELY NOT BRENNAN FUCK OFF DO NOT SAY THE NIGHT YORB IS GONNA BE THE NEXT VILLAIN -BRENNAN NO YOU BITCH I HATE YOU THE NIGHT YORB IS THE VILLAIN OF JUNIOR YEAR? -that was crazy. i cried, i laughed. i am fuCKING HYPED FOR CROWN OF CANDY AND JUNIOR YEAR GANG!

[anothermagicalsummer]

Right Now ... Superstore Amy/Jonah fanfic

"So,.. So,.. So. So. So."

Jonah was perhaps not the best at breaking tension or even starting conversations for that matter.

"Hmm?" Amy raised an eyebrow at him as he awkwardly walked up to where she was busy restocking a shelf of lightbulbs.

"So, yeah, so, ...Not that it matters,.. But, um, ...just out of curiosity… When exactly was your … um, crush...on me?"

"Oh." Amy blinked in surprise at the question. She wasn't expecting to have to answer this. "Ah, um, well…" Her mind raced with how to answer, but lying or thinking fast on her feet like this, wasn't really her forte. "Ah, well, geez… It was around when,... Like, you know,.. More or less,.. Around when… like, now." Amy blinked back in surprise that she had said it, but then decided if she said it, she had to just own it. "Yeah, so like, now. Around basically, right now." Yep, totally owning it. She ended with what she hoped was a casual confident nod.

Jonah stared wide eyed back at her, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned back in an attempt to also look casual. "Oh,.. now?" He blinked and then it sort of seemed to hit him a little harder as he suddenly looked intensely around the lightbulb aisle, as if Amy's crush was a physical thing that could jump out of nowhere and attack him. "Right now? As in… now? Not like, in the past…ancient history... but like.. Currently? Current events? Now?"

"Yeeeah," Amy shrugged in an overly casual way, immediately regretting everything. She went back to stocking lightbulbs, mostly to avoid awkward eye contact. "But it totally doesn't matter, right? Because I mean, look at me! I just went through a divorce, my life is so... complicated, I'm basically a hot mess right now. I'm not even thinking straight, ...probably?! I don't even know what I want. I slept with Tate, for goodness sake!"

"Um riiiight!" Jonah started nodding, but far too quickly to be considered normal or casual. "Yeah, you did…um,..sleep with that guy. And, also… Also! I'm… I'm with .. um.. I'm with…"

"Kelly" Amy chimed in.

"Obviously! I'm obviously with Kelly, so that is so obvious it doesn't even need to be said… And so, yeah. Yeah, it doesn't matter because I'm with Kelly…" His voice faded at the end and a quiet pensive look fell over his face.

"Right!" Amy tried to sound cheerful and confident, but she just wanted Jonah to leave her alone and for this awkward conversation to end. In fact, she wanted for this topic of conversation to just go away and never be addressed again. "And you and Kelly are like, the perfect match! So, things are all… good. All good."

"Yeah…" Jonah blinked and then his pensive look fell away and he looked directly at Amy, "Um,.. you think? You think,.. We're like the perfect ..match?"

"Ah, yeah!" Amy tried being enthusiastic, but she was starting to feel herself fade. "You and Kelly are like .. you know.. Meant to be. She's all like.. You know. And you, you are just like… and together,.. It's just…. It's just great." Her voice fell a little flat, so much for enthusiastic.

"Uh, huh.. Yeah." Jonah was nodding again with a far away look on his face, "Solid. That's… solid logic. Makes total sense. Me and Kelly. Yep."

Jonah just kept standing there and nodding.

"Just break up with Kelly already so you two can bone!" Dina's voice broke the tension as she walked by briskly with her clipboard and a Team Amy t-shirt.

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She likes me. She likes me, like has a crush on me, likes me. Like, right now. Right now, she likes me...

"What are you grinning to yourself about over there?" Kelly's voice interrupted Jonah's thoughts.

"Ooh," Jonah looked up in surprise from the box of books he was packing. Kelly was over at his place, well.. Garrett's place. She was helping him pack, because no big deal, he was moving in with her.

"Just looking at my books and smiling at, um… all the stories. Stories are great." Jonah answered, like a dork. He tried smiling as he realized now dorky he sounded.

"Ooh, I know a really great story, about a boy and a girl who met at a store…" Kelly smiled coyly over at him while she packed his forks and knives. "And then they fell in love."

"Well, actually I think she hated him a bit, at first." Jonah responded and smiled a bit to himself as he placed another book in the box.

"What? No I didn't. I thought you were totally cute." Kelly raised an eyebrow at him.

"Oh, yeah.. No?" Jonah suddenly realized his mistake and tried to fix it, "You didn't, like… think I was annoying? Like I was.. You know.. Useless?"

"What? No." Kelly stopped packing the box of utensils and looked over at him in confusion. "Who would ever think that you were useless?!"

"Uh, some people might…" Jonah trailed off and tried to look very interested in packing books.

"Some people? Some people like, Amy?" Kelly walked over and sat herself on the floor by the box of books so that Jonah would look at her.

"Eh.. no? I don't know…. Blah. Who even cares what Amy thinks?"

"You, you do."

"No… that's ridiculous."

"Is it?"

"Yes…"

"Jonah! I'm not an idiot, you clearly like Amy! Do you even want to be with me? Do you seriously want to move in together?"

Jonah was surprised at how serious Kelly looked. He wanted to say no. He wanted to confess he couldn't stop thinking about Amy. He wanted to storm out of there and just go confront Amy about her feelings….his feelings. He wanted to confess everything. But Kelly just looked so serious.

Jonah gulped, "Of course I want to be with you and live with you. We.. we are the perfect match, you and me."

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Oh, you guys are like the perfect match! Like totally meant to be! Omg, it's all so perfect...

Amy was driving home reliving the day over in her mind.

Who even says 'perfect match' ?! What was that?! So gross and weird. Gross.

But Amy sighed, she did need to acknowledge that Jonah and Kelly were together. And Kelly was.. Well, fine, Kelly was sweet. And plus this wasn't junior high. They were all adults in an adult workplace. No one was going to be stealing anyone elses boyfriend.

Unless that boyfriend wanted to be stolen...

"No, but he doesn't" Amy grumbled outloud as she pulled into the driveway of the house she now lived in alone. Well, her daughter lived there too. Sometimes. Half the time. The other half of the time she was alone. Like tonight. Like right now. All alone.

At first it had been horrible, being alone. All her thoughts racing while every emotion ran through her. She barely slept in the beginning. She had ping ponged back and forth from being intensely angry at Adam to missing him with every inch of her body. Every single thought and feeling she'd ever had for Adam filling her mind constantly. But then she slowly stopped thinking about him so much, and now she barely thought of him at all. Except when she had to, co-parenting and all that.

It's funny how time changes things...

Amy threw herself on the couch, of the house that was now her own. And instead she thought about someone else…and tried not to feel pathetic about it.

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"So,.. pretty pathetic that Amy has a crush on me, huh?" Jonah leaned on the counter next to Garrett.

"What? No. I'm not playing this game." Garrett scrunched his face up at Jonah.

"Game? What? No.. I'm just saying.." Jonah trailed off as he adjusted his not-so-casual lean.

"Uh-uh. No. You are playin' that you think it's pathetic she has a crush on you, so that no one will catch on that you totally have a crush on her as well. Not like, a million years ago when you started working here, but now. Still. You've always had a crush on her. But you are dating that Kelly chick, and you don't have the balls to call things off. So instead you are playing this, Amy is so pathetic, game. But, it's you. You are pathetic. PA-THE-TIC."

Jonah looked deflated. "Uhhh… no. That's… wrong." He looked away completely thrown off by how accurate Garrett was. Damnit. He was pathetic. So pathetic.

"Please. You've gots the hots for Amy. You have since you met her. You don't really like Kelly, you should of ended things with her back when she said she believed in angels. Angels, Jonah. Angels! But you have no balls. The answer is right in front of you. End things with Kelly and give things a go with Amy. But will you? Probably not, because you are pathetic."

"Uuuuugh" Jonah let himself crumble onto the counter next to Garrett. "Damnit Garrett!"

"Hey, I'm basically the Yoda of this place, I speak the truth."

"Ahhh…" Jonah covered his face with his hands, "It's annoying."

"Pathetic, you are. Grow balls, you must."

Jonah couldn't help himself, he laughed at Garrett's Yoda impression.

"Damnit, Garrett"

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"If you want me to help you,...get rid of Kelly,... I will."

Amy looked up alarmed from the bottle of bleach she was price checking, "Wh- What?"

Sandra was standing there in her Team Amy t-shirt, looking… intense.

"Sandra…" Amy sighed, "No. Please. Just take off the shirt. And please, please, please leave Kelly alone."

Sandra looked like a lost puppy in need of a home, "But, I.. I can help."

"No, please. But, there is a clean up in aisle 5 if you really want to help, just do your job, please"

Sandra stomped off quietly.

Amy shook her head. All she wanted was to escape away into her thoughts, maybe go home later and play video games. She wanted things to be easy. Of course, that's why she took this job all those years ago anyways, and why she married Adam as well. It seemed like it would make things easy, simple and easy. But nothing has ever been simple and easy. Of course, she had to admit when she spent time with Jonah, that felt easy. Well, it use to. Now it was all ruined and awkward. Nothing was easy.

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"But it's just not that easy!" Jonah groaned, "Amy just went through a divorce. She said so herself, her life is complicated. Maybe she doesn't even really like me. Maybe it's just like.. Oh hey, I'm single, who are some men that I know? Oh Jonah is a man.."

"Is he?" Garrett cracked a grin.

"Yes. I am." Jonah tried standing a little taller before crumpling onto the counter again, "You know what I mean. She might just be testing the 'having a crush' waters. It might not really be a thing."

"Oh, it's a thing. It's obviously a thing. She's into you, like, everyone can tell. Everyone knows."

"What? Everyone..." Jonah looked completely befuddled before shaking his head and continuing, "Well, she might not know what she wants. She might not be ready for anything at all. And Kelly is ready to move in with me!"

"Terrible idea."

"It's.. not a bad idea. She's sweet and supportive."

"Come on, man. Why are you trying to argue your way out of this? Kelly is a crazy chick who believes in angels and Amy is.. Well, she's kinda crazy too. But you are never gonna be happy with Kelly if you are always wondering about Amy. Plain and simple."

"Damnit, Garrett."

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"Jonah, I need you to go help Amy in housewares, we've got a pillow emergency. And I know you two wanna bone, so please don't be lured by the sexiness of the pillow display. But if you do decide to bone in the store, please use discretion"

Dina walked off again, brisk as ever.

Jonah sighed. Great.

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"Dina said you needed- ah, I see."

The entire pillow section of the store was on the floor.

"Apparently some playful kids thought it would be fun to make a fort.. Or an igloo.. Or something.." Amy looked exhausted as she started placing the pillows back on the shelves.

Jonah felt a tugging at his heart strings and immediately got to work helping out.

They didn't talk. It felt tense. Amy didn't want a repeat of yesterday's awkwardness and Jonah just couldn't think of a single thing that made any sense to say out loud.

So they quietly picked up pillows and placed them on shelves. At one point they made eye contact and Jonah smiled, Amy returned it. The tension didn't go away. They reached for the same pillow at another point, they laughed meekly. The tension didn't go away. Their arms brushed against each other. Their breath caught in their throats. The tension didn't go away. They fluffed and placed pillows. They tried to avoid physical contact. They failed. Multiple times. They kept laughing meekly. The tension didn't go away.

"I didn't know." Finally Jonah blurted out.

"Excuse me?" Amy replied, confused.

"I,.. I didn't know. About your crush, I mean. Apparently everyone else knew.. But I didn't know. How could I of.. How could I of known…"

"Um,... well. I kissed you. That probably.. You know.. Should of given you an idea… maybe?" Amy stammered in response.

"Yeah,.. But. It was the storm, we thought we might die, you were scared."

"Oh come on Jonah. You think if I'd been sitting next to Mateo or Garrett or Dina, that I would of kissed them just because I was scared?!" Amy threw her hands up, she was getting into 'mom voice' territory but… seriously? "Of course the kiss meant that I liked you. I like you. Don't let it go to your head or anything. It's just a crush and it doesn't mean anything anyways, like we discussed yesterday."

"And you were married when you kissed me, so... "

"Please my marriage was over well before I kissed you. I just did not want to admit. I also didn't want to admit that I liked you. I'm lots of fun, like that." Amy said rolling her eyes.

Jonah snickered slightly at that. But he just stared at her. He could hear Garrett's voice in his mind.

"I'm fun… too." Jonah mumbled.

"Huh?"

Jonah cleared his throat and looked at her, "I'm.. fun like that, too."

"What?" Amy plopped a lacy pillow onto the shelf next to her and turned to Jonah, "What do you mean?"

"I also can't admit things…" Jonah tried to lean on a pillow next to him, but it was fluffier than he expected and stumbled a bit before continuing, "Like,.. I can't admit that.. I like sugary cereals… and Lifetime movies,... and I like.. Uganda."

"What? You like Uganda? That's...nice.." Amy was confused and also a bit worried, was Jonah okay? … "Are you having a stroke?"

"No. No I'm.. trying to tell you that… I like...utopian societies."

"Uh-huh. Jonah, seriously, are you okay?"

"I've never been better, because.. I like...unique food pairings."

"Great. Well, this has been an enlightening conversation." Amy threw the last of the pillows onto one of the top shelves, "But it looks like we are all done here. So I'm gonna leave you to contemplate .. unique food pairings...in private." And with that, Amy walked away.

"You. … I like you." Jonah finally whispered, alone with the pillows.

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It was end of the day, the store was already closed and most employees were out already. Amy headed to the break room to grab her things, at last she could head home. But when she entered she saw Jonah standing at the sink… lovely. She wanted to avoid anymore awkward conversations so she hoped she could sneak in and out without him even noticing, but then she noticed the blood on his hand.

"Hey- Jonah, you okay?"

Jonah turned around surprised to see her, "Uh, yeah. It's just a cut. I was cleaning up some broken glass that got knocked over earlier…"

"Oh Jonah, you know you are suppose to wear gloves when picking up broken glass."

"I.. yeah.. I know, I forgot.. Um.. distracted."

"Alright," Amy sighed and opened the cabinet with the first aid kit, "Let me see."

"Oh, no, Amy,.. it's fine.. Really."

"Let me see," Amy demanded, "We can't have employees getting infected wounds from workplace injuries."

"Fine," Jonah gave in and let her take his hand, which had a gash next to his thumb. He watched as Amy, in her no nonsense way, started to tend to it. Putting on disinfectant and a band aid. She was swift, confident and also,..gentle and soothing. It reminded Jonah that Amy was also a mother. And she had this whole other side to herself that no one in the store ever really saw. This caring, gentle side. He imagined her with Emma as a baby, she was probably a really sweet mom. He was so lost in these thoughts about Amy, he didn't realize that subconsciously he had started to gently rub his thumb against hers.. But then he felt Amy freeze.

"Uh, Jonah... " She took her hands away from his, "All done." And she turned quickly away from him to return the first aid kit.

Jonah felt a terrible sadness rise up in him, he couldn't help it, the next words came tumbling out of him, "I wouldn't have started dating her, if I knew."

Jonah felt an immense shame wash over him, he was a terrible boyfriend.

Amy turned to look at him after shutting the cabinet. "But you did," She stated simply, "And you are happy, right? Why does it matter?"

Jonah hesitated, he didn't have answers. Did he? He didn't know anymore.

"Please Jonah, let's just let the whole crush and kiss thing go. Just let it go. We don't need to talk about it anymore. We don't need to do this." She then grabbed her things and left.

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"We don't need to do this." Kelly was shaking her head as Jonah was stacking boxes.

"No, see this makes sense… I've alphabetize my belongings.. And-"

"No, Jonah… we don't need to do ..THIS." Kelly waved her hands around, "All of this."

"..Oh." Jonah paused and held his breath momentarily. "I.. I thought you wanted this."

"Sure.." Kelly shrugged, "I mean, of course. But… Well, I've been talking to my angels all week and they have made me see that this isn't your path and it's not mine either."

"Your… angels?" Jonah couldn't help respond skeptically.

"Yes, my angels. See? Jonah, we not on the same page here. You think I'm just this silly person, but this is my life too. I don't want to ruin it by letting you make a wrong decision."

"Wow, Kelly… that's mature." Jonah looked at the ground, why was everyone more mature than him lately.

"Also, you need to figure out your feelings for Amy, because that's so unresolved, it's this terrible weight on your shoulders. And I don't want to live with that as well."

"Y-Yes…" Jonah stuttered, "I'm beginning to realize that too…"

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Jonah was sitting on the floor putting his books back on his bookshelf. He wasn't moving in with Kelly. They'd spent an hour having a long conversation. Kelly was lovely. Sweet and supportive. In a way, he wished he could love her. For someone, she was the right person. That person would be lucky, but he realized that person was not him. And his person,.. His person was someone else.

I won't be happy if I'm always wondering...

Jonah knew what he needed to do. Grow balls, he must. But,.. could he?

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"Jonah, could you?"

"Wha-what?" Jonah realized he hadn't been listening.

"Could you please take care of 'go backs' today?" Amy was trying to hand him a shopping basket full of merchandise.

"Oh.. yeah" He meekly took it and then looked up at her, and then… "Kelly and I broke up." He blurted out.

"Ohh.." Amy looked very taken aback.

And then a louder gasp and "ooooh" rose up around him as he realized all the other employees standing nearby heard him as well. Jonah blushed, damnit, why was he always so awkward. The heckling immediately started from the others;

"Betcha wish you could 'go back' in time on that relationship, huh Jonah?!"

"Now you can 'go back' to crushing on Amy full time, Jonah!"

"No 'go-ing back' now, It's the Amy and Jonah express lane!"

"Eh, very funny guys…" Jonah took his basket of 'go backs' and tried to steal one last look at Amy but she was busy rolling her eyes at the others.

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"Erm,.. sorry about you and Kelly. Breakups are tough." Amy looked over at Jonah, they were in the back room re-organizing. It was the first time they'd been alone since Jonah's awkward announcement.

"Eh, thanks. I mean, it's not like a divorce.. That's tough. This.. this is just weird." Jonah responded flatly.

"Yeeah." Was all that Amy could think to say.

"It wasn't… right. Not because of you.. But-"

"Oh yeah, no!" Amy quickly interrupted, "Of course not, it wasn't because of me. I wouldn't ever assume that."

"Ye-Yeah. But, I mean.. It's not like you weren't a factor-"

"Oh. Well. I'm glad I could help contribute to breaking the heart of your very sweet girlfriend.." Amy sarcastically interrupted this time.

"Oh, no. It wasn't like that. I mean, it was going to happen anyways. And since it DID happen…" Jonah turned to her expectantly and tried to smile, but Amy was just glaring at him.

"And what? You want me as a second choice? If you can't have sweet Kelly, maybe Amy will do?" Amy was clearly angry now and throwing her hands up in the air.

"Ohh,.. no…I just mean.. I'm single, you are single..so the timing… and-" Jonah stumbled, this was NOT how he'd wanted this to go..

"Very romantic of you to consider me as a consolation prize, but you know what?! I think I'm good." Amy stormed out of the room, leaving behind a cloud of anger.

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"Die- die- die!" Amy was yelling angrily from her couch, killing orcs or whatever in her video game, for some reason it seemed really important she beat this level tonight. Then the doorbell rang.

Weird.

She wasn't expecting anyone, maybe it was someone selling something. She hoped they'd just go away, she peeked out the window - oh. It was Jonah.

Well, I definitely don't want what he's selling...

"What? Jonah?" Amy leaned on her open door, expectantly.

Jonah wiped his hands down his pant legs several times, "Uh, Hi. Yes, hello."

"Yes Hello, to you too." Amy replied rolling her eyes.

Jonah took a deep breath and started talking quickly, before Amy could get angry at him all over again.

"You.. you aren't my second choice. I.. I lied when I said my crush on you was in the past. It was never in the past, it's never… it's never gone away. I've had this..little crush on you since the day I met you. But you were married, so.. I tried not to. But that little crush wouldn't go away. Amy.. Amy it grew and.. grew. Every girl I've dated since the day I've met you, it didn't matter. The little crush was still there, and it grew. Even with Kelly. But,.. I. I never thought I had a chance with you. You kissed me, yes, but then you never talked about it. I figured it meant nothing to you. So I tried to not think about it. Dating Kelly was helpful with that.. I just thought that I was the annoying guy at work to you. And that was all I ever would be, to you. But, if there is just a chance. Even if just a small chance that you might consider me. I can't ever be happy if I'm always wondering, what if? So... Amy. You aren't my second choice. You are my first choice, and honestly, my only choice."

"Oh," Was all that came out of Amy in response.

"Um.. do I have a chance?" Jonah fidgeted on her front stoop.

Amy held her breath and looked at Jonah. He was the annoying guy at work. But at some point, he'd turned into something more. At some point, a crush turns into something more.

"Let's find out.." Amy responded and leaned forward and kissed Jonah before she could second guess herself. But the first time she'd kissed him, during the storm, she'd felt reckless and scared. This time, she felt brave and sure.

The kiss was awkward at first. Her feet stumbling as she moved closer to him. His hands shaking just a little as he wrapped them around her. But then finding their confidence as their lips came together and then their tongues. Gently at first. Pausing a little to catch their breath. Then moving closer and holding each other a little more intensely. And slowly melting into one. It was easy. It was simple. It was right. It was now.

"Amy," Jonah breathed after slowly pulling away from her.

"Hmm?"

"I really like you."

Amy smiled, "I know. I've always known."

END

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot 3x03 recap

(Aka the Patterson and Rich show lol)

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I LOVED this episode. Cute Jeller, supportive team, and of course, PATTERSON AND RICH BEING KICKASS BESTIES. Can the whole season be just like this ep bc good lord it is totally up there with my fave eps of this show ever and ugh I just loved it so much guys

Which in a way is kind of a bad thing because it means this review is gonna take me like 6 hours on account of all the screaming, but ah well. Worth it. 

And to the lovely Anon-- I may very possibly struggle to do these from now on due to my travelling, but I’ll try my best to keep them happening if I can. Thankfully none of the other people in my hostel dorm here in Madrid have minded my hectic late-night typing for the last couple of hours lol...

Anyhow, more gushing below the cut.

Ugh look at this. Our babies are dressed all fancy and having drinks and it’s kinda reminiscent of 1x09 except this time instead of just alluding to their interest in each other, Weller is BLATANTLY HITTING ON JANE, his WIFE, who he is MARRIED TO, and ugh it’s simultaneously delightful and almost nauseating haha. Zapata and Reade definitely agree with the nauseating part, because they’re stuck in the surveillance van being forced to listen to every word. Oh, kids. As the child of two people that love to make jokes about their sex life just to gross me out, I totally understand your pain right now. Lbr tho they probably kind of missed this. And lol I love that Jane giggles and apologises while shooting heart-eyes at Weller. You two are the worst. I actually didn’t expect this scene so early but I’m totally into it. And so Jeller keep an eye on the suspect and his daughter/wife, while Tasha works her hacking skills and hacks his computer. Also awww her cousin asked for Patterson’s autograph, that is so cute and I now love her cousin. I love that Patterson is now super rich and kinda a celeb lol. Hahaha I love that Jane delays the guy by telling him she loves his charity work and then literally like 10 secs later the team is into his files and Weller is arresting him. That would have had to feel kinda like an abrupt turnabout lol

Aww Zapata is checking in on Patterson and making sure she’s okay D: I love these ladies supporting each other. But in what sounds like depressing deja vu of both of the previous seasons, Patterson insists she’s fine to be there. Also her puzzle solving skills clearly haven’t suffered-- she figured out that random specks on Jane’s back could be translated onto a grid and brought together to form words? Dude. Tbh I like that the show gives us a brief explanation of how things were cracked without putting any pressure on us viewers-- we get to just smile and nod and be like ‘yep, sounds legit’ and then move on haha. Now Aunty Hirst has rocked up to hear the deets, considering their suspect is a big fish. And basically there’s some evidence that he caused a train to derail which was previously called in as an anonymous tip, and which made him super rich due to something to do with stocks. Can you tell I have very little understanding of the stock market lol, which tbh is kinda unfortunate considering my father keeps wanting me to invest haha.

Oooh Patterson goes to Reade bc she’s been investigating Stuart’s murder on her own despite there already being a team on it, and she tells him that Stuart had a Siri/google home/Alexa equivalent thing and that she thinks the thing recorded his murder, since they’re sneakily recording everything. Makes you worry about Siri and Alexa, doesn’t it… Anyway she wants Reade to go demand the recording from the company before it’s deleted within 72hrs. Go Reade go! Meanwhile Patterson goes to talk to their suspect’s lawyer, and walks in to find her playing Wizardville. I love that she knows exactly which part she’s at just by hearing the sound effects. Ugh you giant nerd I love you so much. When Jeller show up a minute later (maybe held up in the locker room because of… activities…) lawyer lady insists that the emails are planted by a hacker group who is targeting her client. Lol “Mr Lowie can afford better specialists than the FBI has. No offense”/”Offense taken”. Damn right, Patterson, none of those specialists could hold a candle to you. But uh oh, the lawyer mentioned the hacker group-- the three blind mice-- and Patterson suddenly got all shifty. What do you know that you’re not telling, honey???  Also the lawyer lady is threatening them with a very large lawsuit which is bound to make all of this a little awkward….

RIIIICHHH. God I will never get over the delight of seeing him appear in an episode. Patterson visits him in his office, which is literally just a room for cleaning supplies, and she turns on a radio jammer which has him spitting coffee (if that is coffee) out of his ‘best daddy ever’ mug. So either he stole the mug from Weller or someone, or it’s alluding to a weird sex thing. You never know with Rich. (Yes you do; it’s usually the weird sex thing). Ugh and when she demands to know if he hacked into the suspect’s server he’s all “What?? No?? Who??” and god I just love his FACE. Ennis how do you do this??? God. And then ugh he promises her he’s not lying and ugh I believe it. And then she tells him the tatt points to the 3BM and that the FBI are gonna try to track them down and ugh you can see the ‘oh shit’ on his face. I just love the way these two interact, like they’re legit real friends?? Ugh my babies. I adore Jeller and all, but tbh this is my favourite duo on the show rn. And now Weller wants to see them both and they’re both like ‘oh shit’ lol. And then lol he totally ignores ‘ladies first’ and calls Weller mademoiselle and you can hear that he’s nervous and aaahhhh his joke about the 3 blind mice from the nursery rhyme and then insisting he’s a crime fighter now and I just love him so muuuchhhh and this whole time he and Patterson are both half shitting themselves and ugh I feel like he’s using his ridiculousness to keep attention on him and not Patterson bc she doesn’t like lying to her team and ughhhh they’re such broooos. And Hirst appears to tell them all that they need to catch the 3BM asap because the emails were planted and their dude might sue, and to which Rich suggests a simple ‘I was wrong’ to patch things up lollll. And then Hirst has a picture of the 3BM and Patterson and Rich are all !!!!!!!!! and then it turns out it’s a person in a mouse mask and they’re so relieved lol. Also dude after Patterson, i love Rich’s dynamic with Jane the most. She’s basically like his long-suffering mom hahaha. Back in the closet, Patterson’s freaking out and wants to come clean but he’s all ‘how about no’ lol. Also he says that they dropped out because ‘someone thought it was getting too dangerous’ and he points to her but then jabs his thumb toward himself as he’s speaking and now I’m confused?? Which one wanted to bail?? (Probably Patterson lbr). Ughhhh by the sound of it they were such little Robin Hoods, and ugh I NEED the spinoff about this whole partnership over the last 2 years ughhhhhhh. And hahaha omg “so we make it a little harder for them, if you catch my drift”/”by obstructing justice??”/”drift caught.” UGHHHHH GIVE ME THE SPINOFF. GIVE IT TO ME. I will sell my soul for this I stg.

Meanwhile awww Reade is honouring Patterson’s request and talking to a representative from the kinga company about the recordings, and when she tries to deny it he and Zapata totally roll their eyes at each other haha. These bros. And then she’s texting his gf which feels a little weird, and also she says they hung out ‘last weekend’ but uh wasn’t stuart’s murder less than 72hr ago, and so all the events of last ep including Zapata meeting the gf happened then as well (that did happen in 3x02 right?)? Maybe that was friday and this is monday and she meant to say ‘on the weekend’?  Also “You better put a ring on that before I do” LOL I love it. I’m sure it’s just a joking comment but dude could Zapata be bi? Because I would totally be down for that. I like Zapata being friends with Reade’s gf and encouraging them as a couple, since I want Reade and Zapata to remain just bros. I seriously miss Reade/Sarah though. Lbr I’m still totally bitter about that one, Gero.

Patterson found the person in the mouse mask by creating a ‘biometric map’ of the person from the video and using ‘gait recognition’?? Mmmmmkay, sure, I’ll roll with it. Nice little mention of Patterson’s NSA access, though. The woman they find has a bunch of dating profiles and works for Nerd Herd (awww a Chuck reference, I’m so happy) which makes Rich pity her, but uh dude don’t you know she was Miss United States?? And she’s besties with Sandra Bullock, so she’s doing just fine. And ugh when Rich says that they tracked her location, Jane actually praises him and ughhhh look at that parental approval he’s getting, I’m so happy for him. And then haha Hirst wants both Patterson and Rich in on the interrogation and ugh you can just see my poor Patterson getting more and more tightly wound lol can someone just give her a hug before she explodes? Preferably Rich giving her a slightly stilted but genuinely sincere hug. I want it. Nope, need it. Also looks like Jeller now have nothing on their schedule…. time for another locker room rendezvous perhaps?

Lollll their suspect has said like two lines and all I hear is Miss Rhode Island… also she looks so cute in her lil Nerd Herd outfit. I wonder if she ever met Chuck? I mean she’s based on the other side of the country, but still… what if she trained under him over in Burbank before moving to NYC? Anyhow she gushes about how famous the 3BM are and both Rich and Patterson are looking SO UNCOMFORTABLE in their own ways and I’m loving it. Also ugh Hirst’s soft southern accent is so soothing. Could she narrate audiobooks or something bc I would legit buy all of them. Although rn she’s describing bad stuff that the 3BM did and that doesn’t feel right, but then Kathy decides the jig is up and explains how each of those things was actually them helping people/semi-saving the world. Also man this actress is amazing in how she can sound simultaneously kinda deranged but also kinda sweet?? I just want to protect her and her adorable lil face haha. Lol at Rich and Patterson exchanging looks across the room the whole time she’s talking. Subtle, guys. And Rich’s face when she says that the three of them are still best friends?? Maybe he’s starting to think Patterson was right to have made them both cut ties with this wacko. But duuuude why are you so vain, you literally just let her goad you into revealing yourself as one of her former partners. But still, “Oh so by ‘pretty close’, do you mean 100% correct, or?” ughhhh I love the sass. And then  Kathy mentions people being in danger and it draws Patterson over, putting all three of the blind mice at the same table for the first time in a year.... And also ever, when you think about it. Also turns out that the wealthy guy might be planning to blow something up to earn money from stocks like he did last time or something, which prompts Patterson to admit to Rich that she has backdoor access into every phone that downloaded her app. Firstly, wow, glad that power is in the hands of one of the good guys. Secondly, that’s a huge show of trust to tell him that, knowing that he could then steal her phone or something and use the access for his own gain. Ugh these bros!! Lol I do love that he gets carried away with thoughts of Hirst’s browser history tho haha. But anyhow by hacking the lawyer’s phone she figured out where the attack was planned to happen, and aawwwww Rich immediately wants to head to tell the team and Patterson is the one holding back. Also LOL: “Hey Gary.” “His name’s Gary? I’ve been calling him Rick…” ugh how is his every line just SO GOOD? I love the thought that he talks to their coworkers as well, probably talks the ear off of anyone who happens to come near him lol. Ugh my baby just wants to be loveddddd. I love the bickering-siblings thing they’ve got going on though, and “Well now who’s obstructing justice??” ahhahaha. Seriously who do I have to bribe to get the show with just these two? And then when she suddenly decides that they need to come clean, he’s all ‘woah no no, gross’ lollll. And then he has a little lightbulb moment about how to solve their problem-- a ridiculous and very conveniently timed anonymous tip lol. Well, tbh the team never really cares HOW Patterson managed to get their intel, only that she gives them stuff they can use/excuses to go beat people up. Aww but Weller trusts his lil team and acts immediately on their intel, prepared to take the fall for it if it turns out to be a dud. He’s very martyr-ish lately, I feel-- but I guess maybe he just feels invincible now that his wifey is back in his lifey?

Turns out the ‘tip’ is legit, and Jeller find our baddies, proceeding to beat the hell out of them in true Jeller fashion. There’s also a bomb, because of course there is, and Rich makes a suggestion only to be smacked down by Patterson and is properly apologetic haha. Jane then actually takes his advice, using the sped-up clock to convince the baddie to disarm the bomb, then takes him out and shoots the guy grappling with Weller by firing through a bottle of oil or something. Nice. She really is a woman of endless talents, a fact that Weller very much benefits from, both in the field and… elsewhere haha. Also Sully’s accent has dropped at least twice in this ep already, someone must be tired lol. Anyway back at the office, Aunty Hirst drops by to tell them all how proud she is. Also I want to marry the way she says ‘Lowie’. It’s just so damn cute. She then tells everyone to go home, and Rich and Patterson have a quiet little celebratory fist-bump (which they have clearly done before AAAHHHHHHH) over the 3BM investigation appearing to be closed. God they’re the cutest.

Oh yeah, forgot about Reade and Zapata for a minute there, too distracted by the other show-stealing partnership haha. They’re putting heavy pressure on the boss lady at Kinga, and I love that she calls him ‘sir’ and that he’s so firm and authoritative with her. This seems more like a true AD of the FBI! And you know Zapata’s pretty impressed too haha.  Well done, Reade.

Loll Patterson and Rich meeting in a deserted parking lot and Rich stepping in a puddle and then both of them realising that neither of them actually sent the message that they received. Tbh I just love that each of them got a message from the other telling them to come to a random parking lot in the middle of the night and they both came?? Without question?? Ugghhhhhhh have I mentioned lately that I love them. Also what’s Rich’s sitch at the safe house? Does he have a team watching him that he had to evade to get here, or? And lol she calls him dumbwad and everything is so cute and fun and then RICH GETS SHOT IN THE CHEST. Ngl, I gasped far louder in this moment than I even knew I was capable of. There was a split second of sheer, unadulterated panic before I remembered he’s going to be returning for multiple eps throughout the season and therefore has to be okay. But good lord that one second was an awful experience. I swear to god, if they do ever kill Rich then I’m out. I will walk away from this show, Gero, don’t think I won’t! And ugh the shock and horror on Patterson’s face-- for all he drives her crazy, he’s literally one of her best friends, and she’s already lost enough people around her. And then Kathy appears and even though she assures them (and us) that they’re just beanbag rounds, it’s still freaky as hell to see her shooting them both with a shotgun at point-blank range. My poor babies… Aaaand then they wake in a Saw-esque setting and ugh he pokes her so gently to wake her and they’re so cute when they’re kidnapped. Sounds like it’s a semi-regular occurrence for Rich, whose main concern is that he doesn’t get to be kidnapped anywhere fun lol. Aw, is someone using humour to make their friend feel less scared?  “And not the good kind of dungeon” haha. And then he goes for the door and she tries to stop him but too late, he gets zapped by a shock collar and lol my poor baby. “Oh my god, she’s gonna make us play the hunger games, isn’t she??” Which tbh would be pretty interesting between these two. I’m tempted to bet on Patterson as the winner, but then again, the first time we met Rich he did shoot a guy in the chest and was going to have Jeller killed as well, so tbh I think he shouldn’t be underestimated. But ugh it’s so cute that Patterson is desperately trying to get his collar off rather than her own, and then suddenly heeeeeeeere’s Kathy! Who is holding the collar remote threateningly in one hand while sweetly offering them snacks at the same time lol. Sh figured out it was them because of Rich showing off in interrogation and Patterson saying ‘opposite, opposite’ which I did think was a bit of a weird phrase to use lol. And ahhh Patterson calls him Rich and Kathy suddenly goes into Rich DotCom fangirl mode, and tbh I feel you on that one, sister. I would react the same. But now she’s ranting about them being brainwashed by the feds (lol at Rich telling Patterson that she did just sound like weller, awwww) and that she’s ‘saving’ them haha. Then suddenly she whips out a to-do list of hack-tivities, but instead of Robin Hood stuff, it’s more Sherriff of Nottingham stuff this time. Their arguments don’t work, which means it’s hack or zap….

Weller texts Patterson about dinner; everyone’s gathered at his and Jane’s place having drinks and hanging out and ugh they’re all so cute. And Jeller are so casually touchy and he calls her ‘my love’ and I’m seriously caught between finding that corny and super cute. Maybe both. Zapata’s playing Wizardville, which apparently Jane does too, and then they realise Reade must as well and lol Zapata’s innocent little ‘Reade?’ is so CUTE. Weller’s all “You too??” and yeppp, Sully has apparently forgotten what an American accent is haha. Oh well. I love that he goes and snuggles with Jane on the couch (aaawwwww) as they watch Zapata and Reade bicker like it’s a spectator sport hahaha. I love the sassiness omg.

Meanwhile Rich is perfecting his mime-in-a-box routine as he tries to figure out any gaps in their electric prison, and tbh that’s actually pretty brave? He probably got zapped at least a few times doing that. Patterson is trying to figure out how to get word back to the team, but Rich tells her that the only way they’ll get out of this is to go along with Kathy’s plan, because he has ‘a lot of experience with psychotic women who desire him sexually’ and lol at the disgust and annoyance on Patterson’s face and her “What is your point.” Yep, those are siblings right there.

The team are still being cute when Weller gets an email from Patterson saying she’s having dinner with Rich instead, but Zapata notices that it’s signed with her first name, WHICH NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY MENTION. TELL US THE DAMN NAME, YOU JERKS. So I guess that means that Patterson sneakily sent an email when Kathy wasn’t looking? I think that’s what they’re getting at, rather than Kathy covering her tracks by sending that to Weller so he won’t be concerned when Patterson doesn’t show up for dinner. I feel like Patterson totally has the skills to pull that off right under someone’s nose...

Back in the dungeon, the dynamic duo have picked some of the less harmful hacks to start with, including revealing some politician guy as a sex fiend (no surprises there), and Kathy gushes that watching them hack is like watching Picasso paint the Mona Lisa and lolll you can see Rich’s eyes narrow and he really wants to correct her but Patterson is already telling her to let them go, but nope Kathy wants them to crash Lowie’s private jet now, and wow she really seems to have it in for this guy. Also is it even possible to remotely crash a plane? But ohhhhhh crap, Kathy’s brother died in the train crash that Lowie caused. Well, that explains that. She tried to hand them the evidence to put him away, but now she’s taking matters into her own (or the 3 Blind Mice’s) hands. And Rich kinda seems to side with her a little bit after this revelation, causing Patterson to shoot him a look of betrayal and Kathy to beam at him. Oh man I really hope this is a ploy. Ugh Patterson is basically pleading with him not to help Kathy, to stay on their team, the good guy team, and then Kathy zaps her and ugh he’s immediately on his feet but knows he can’t do anything. He has to roll with this if he’s to save either of them and ugh I love himmmmm???

The team is at the office, trying to track down their missing buddies. Again Zapata is the one to see the clue-- the IP address the email came from is in antarctica, just like Kathy’s earlier hacks. They discover Kathy got out on bail, and then that both Patterson and Rich’s cars were found in Brooklyn. I love that they all practically run for the exit. I wonder if they’re remembering the last time Patterson was kidnapped, aka the only unlikable episode of season one?? Better hurry team, go save them! And lol conveniently they find out every place she’s ever worked and one of those happens to be an old zoo, and therefore a nice private place to keep prisoners. How lucky for them….

Poor Patterson is bound and gagged and tries to cry “Rich, no!” as he successfully hacks the jet and sets it on its collision course with the ocean.  Or its fake collision course, I hope. And ugh then he and Kathy are dining together and okay why does she respond ‘kinda’ when he asks if it’s foie gras? Is she pulling a Hannibal Lecter rn??? Also I love the little red glow of the collar through his napkin lol. And then there’s a perimeter breach and Kathy is starting to freak out and so checks on the plane, only to see that it landed safely and Patterson looks at Rich in shock and HE WINKS AT HER. Look at my baby all grown up and fighting on the side of good with his lil FBI family who he lovessssss. Ughhh save me. And then omg she flips out and literally smashes the wine bottle over his head and I gasped super loud again bc do you know how hard those things are???? Ugh both Patterson and I are so worried for our bestie Rich, but meanwhile Kathy hacks the team’s car and tries to crash them?? I love their super synchronized dives out of the car lol. And then omg she literally sets everything on fire while crying over their ruined friendship hahahaha. Tbh I’d be pretty devastated if Patterson and Rich didn’t want to be friends with me too lol…. And then omgggg she is literally about to shoot Rich and Patterson tackles her, saving his life and causing herself to be electrocuted. THAT IS FAMILY RIGHT THERE. I hope Rich someday acknowledges what she did for him just then, bc ugh it was everythinggggg. Thankfully the team is there and Reade is clever enough to order Jane to find a fusebox. I love the tasks each of the team takes-- Jane cuts the power, saving Patterson, Reade arrests Kathy, Weller helps Patterson up and is checking her over all concerned, and Zapata FLICKS RICH until he comes around hahahaha. “He’s fine” lol. I love that she’s all blase about it but they would have been genuinely upset if he was seriously injured. Pretend all you like, I know you care!!

Back at base, the rest of the team calls Rich and Patterson into the conference room to tell them that Hirst wants the other mice caught, but Kathy is refusing to give up names (‘she’s a mouse, not a rat’ hahahaha), and when Reade asks why she kidnapped them, Patterson answers that she was a huge Rich DotCom fangirl, which is technically a true statement. Rich says he didn’t know that was even a thing, which is a completely untrue statement haha. And then Reade says how lucky it is that there’s no evidence whatsoever to point to who the other two are because if he knew who they were he would have to prosecute them and ugh the team has clearly agreed that this is a ‘what happens in the team stays in the team’ situation and then even literally discuss how these tattoos are about them as a group, that Roman wants to expose their secrets specifically. But they have no idea why. (Punishing Jane, no?)

Naw look at this domestic Jeller. Jane is cooking her implausible vegan lasagne, and then Kurt tells her he loves her like ten times, which is super cute but still in an Australian accent!! Sully, c’mon, lol. But ugh he runs to the shower and wants her to join and lord I do love me some established relationship… but then of course lil bro has to call and cockblock, and ugh poor Jane is so upset about how things are between them but he’s all ‘grrrrrr must punish you for making me sad grrrrrrr’ and sigh I look forward to a little bit of character growth on his part lol

Oooh Patterson calls Reade and Zapata in to the lab to listen to the Kinga recording that they got, and finds out that it's been doctored, meaning someone is hiding something. And also, through magical genius means, she figured out the tattoo that Stuart was working on relates to Van Gogh’s famous self portrait. Which is super confusing until the next scene where an ominous man threatens the Kinga CEO never to talk about doctoring the recordings, and turns away, revealing… DUN DUN DUN….. he’s missing an ear. Ooooooooohhhhh intrigue. Who is Creepy Van Gogh and what does he want with the team????