#i need to look for an apartment in davis

[berzahoes]

“slut!” | tom blyth

summary: in a word full of boys, tom is a gentleman.

an: takes place before filming billy the kid

warnings: mean names hence the title also if you care, reader is the same age as tom lol

“so keep your boyfriends hidden because y/n is newly single!”

“how many boyfriends has she had in the last four years?”

“clearly she’s the problem if she can’t keep a boyfriend.”

you heard it all. the names people called you, the headlines, news reports. it was always the same. people would rather shame you for your love life than be quiet. in the past you did joke that you went on many dates, clearly the media didn’t care if you were joking or not.

your manager had even banned you from looking at the really negative comments on your phone. twitter was having a field day with your love life.

“slut!” was the phrase often directed towards you. while your loyal fans defend you, you could still see all the hurtful things people said about you.

“do you want to cancel tomorrow’s interview?” lisa, your manager, asked one day. you hadn’t answered your phone at all and she was concerned so she drove to your new york apartment and let herself in with the spare key she had. she had found you in the darkness of your room curled up with your plethora of blankets.

“cancel everything. i just want to rest for a while.” you managed to say. lisa was like your second mom. she cared about you more than anything.

“we can do that.” lisa assured.

“lisa?” you turned to face her.

“yes?”

“thanks for checking on me.”

“always.”

after that conversation, lisa made some calls and any movie or tv show deal you had were quickly cancelled. over the next few days, the media found out that you pulled out of many movies from big franchises like marvel and star wars. it was always a dream of yours to be in anything marvel or star wars related, but for now, those projects had to continue without you.

many friends and colleagues reached out to you, but all you could do was send a simple ‘thank you’ and be done with it.

days passed and you were still in your apartment. you didn’t mind being alone, you liked it better that way. sometimes lisa or your parents would drop by or even your upstairs neighbor, mrs. davis, a nice old lady who knew that your favorite cupcakes were red velvet so she made you some to cheer you up.

it was a tuesday afternoon when you heard someone cursing multiple out in the hallway. you figured someone got locked out so you ignored it. pretty much everyone in the entire building got locked out at least once. you were ignoring the cursing as you continued reading your book and ate your red velvet cupcake that your kind neighbor had made you. a few seconds later, you heard a knock on your door.

“no.” you groaned as you stood up to answer the door. you opened it to find tom. you had only known him because you had a mutual friend so you were surprised to see him at your door.

“hi,” he spoke. “i called and texted . . a lot. i just wanted to see how you were.”

“i’m alive as you can see.” you said.

“i know you’ve been asked this question a lot lately but are you okay?”

that’s when you broke down. you couldn’t keep it together in front of tom, but he didn’t mind comforting you. somehow he knew exactly what you needed to hear.

he would often come over to keep you company when lisa or your parents couldn’t. he understood you didn’t want to step foot outside so he didn’t force you. instead, you two would go up to the terrace of your apartment building and hang out. tom would bring lunch or dinner depending on the time that he decided to visit. during that time, you two would talk about whatever would come to mind. tom did his best to avoid talking about work, but you always asked how his filming was going or if he had auditioned for anything new.

“i got the part,” he admitted. “i’m playing billy the kid.” he smiled brightly.

“I’m so happy for you, tom! you deserve it!” you hugged him.

“it’ll be announced next week. you’re the first to know, well apart from my manager.” he chuckled.

“you deserve that and more.” you smiled.

“you do too. other people should see that,” tom said. “you’re so talented and amazing and everything about you is so. . . incredible. i wish people see you the way i do.”

you were speechless.

“are you okay?” tom asked when he noticed you were quiet.

fuck. fuck. fuck FUCK he thought to himself

“you mean it?” you managed to say. you could feel yourself start to blush.

“every bit and more. i enjoy being with you and if i could be with you for the rest of my life then i would die a happy man.”

[ty-bayonet-betteridge]

your transfem friend recommended a clinic to get your bottom surgery done at. she says its cheap, not gatekeepery, and the results are good, even if the doctors a little skeevy. youre at the address she gave you and are wondering how exactly your murder will go down. the door is on a third floor landing accessible only from a fire escape out of a back alley in the worst part of town youve ever seen. you knock three times and the door is answered by a ratty-looking woman with a severe slouch smoking something that doesnt smell like nicotine and doesnt smell like marijuana. her wavy blonde hair is unkempt. shes wearing an oversized grey hoodie that hasnt been washed in some time. you can identify blood on the left sleeve and vomit across much of her side, as well as other, more mysterious stains. you cant tell if shes wearing anything underneath the hoodie. the inside of the apartment - because it is, very clearly, her apartment - has a smell that you cant place but, if pressed, would probably call sweat, though you know that description is lacking something.

dr davis, you ask. she smiles wide, and her teeth are shockingly good for the state the rest of her is in. just call me riley, she says. never did get a degree.

she ushers you inside and sits you down on a sofa almost as stained as her hoodie. can i get you a drink she asks. a drink, you repeat, dazed. she says yeah. she says she has diet coke, beer, vodka, and coffee. says she used to keep tea around for a friend of a friend but she hasnt come by in a few years and the leaves are probably losing flavor by now. you say just waters fine. she shrugs and says your funeral. she comes back from the kitchen and sweeps some stuff off the coffee table. you see a stray scalpel, a roll of gauze bandages, a soda cup from taco bell, and various crumpled papers amongst the rubbish that she knocks aside before setting down your glass of water. she has a beer in her own hand and pops the cap off with her teeth, though the motion isnt quite how youre used to seeing people do it. she takes a big gulp before she keeps talking.

so what do you want your pussy to look like, she asks. you splutter a bit. she says you are the one who needed their bits redone right. you flush and say yeah thats me. she nods and says right so what do you want. you struggle to give a good answer and she starts asking questions. depth? width? color? clit size? you give your answers falteringly. she starts asking about labia. oh, you dont want dentata, do you, she says. that costs extra. you say you dont know what that means. she says dont worry about it. hey do you wanna get pregnant? you splutter again. not now she clarifies. well i can get you pregnant now too if you want that. doesnt even have to be human i think i have some horse sperm around here if you want. i just meant like ever in the future. you say you dont know. she says okay shell leave it out for now but come back if you ever want her to put the womb in. youre too stunned to reply.

she says oh do you want to keep your dick, i can do that. you say you thought they needed the tissue from the penis in order to make the vaginal lining. she laughs and takes another gulp from her beer. she says so is that a no. you say you guess you hadnt thought about it. she says she can reschedule if you need to think, no rush. you say no i guess i dont want it anymore. she nods and says come back if you change your mind.

she says ok, i think i can start operating now if youre ready. you say okay and she tells you to lie on your back and strip naked. you follow her instructions. youre still not sure if youre going to die today or not. she pulls on a big pair of rubber gloves. not latex medical gloves, they're yellow dishwashing gloves. she grabs a small jar of what looks like petroleum jelly off a shelf nearby. you cant help but notice that theres also lube, condoms, saran wrap, and a bottle of honey on the same shelf. you dont ask. she starts vigorously rubbing the jelly into your skin from the belly button down. everywhere it touches you instantly go numb. she keeps talking while she works. a lot of it is her telling stories about "her amy." you cant tell if amy is a sister, wife, or pet. she might be all three.

she reaches up to grab an empty syringe off the top shelf. when she stretches you notice shes naked under the hoodie. you look away bashfully. she doesnt seem to notice.

she fills the syringe with liquid from a bucket in the closet. the liquid is neon green. she injects it into your inner upper thigh. you are now certain you're going to die today, but you cannot make a break for it with your legs numbed, so you wait.

she says okay this is the part where a lot of people get squeamish so look away if you think you might get sick. she pulls out a set of knives. some of them look like dentistry tools, some of them are medical scalpels, and some of them are kitchen knives. you look away. she starts humming to herself while she works. the tune is pop goes the weasel.

hey, she calls out to you from between your legs, how many nerves do you want in your clit? you say uh i dont know, whats a normal amount. she says about ten thousand give or take two thousand in either direction. you say ten thousand sounds fine. she doesnt respond, just goes back to humming. its a different tune. shes humming old macdonald now.

she gets up a couple times to grab new drinks. you say should you be drinking during an operation? she says dont worry i know what im doing. besides i never took the hippocratic oath. she laughs at that, the sound somewhere between a giggle and a cackle. you don't think its that funny. she resumes her work.

this time shes humming the alphabet song. you ask how old are you anyway? she says somewhere between 12 and 47. then she laughs again. you decide to stop asking questions.

four beers, two diet cokes, three unidentifiable cigarettes, and five hours later, she stands up and announces shes done. she wipes her brow without taking the glove off, smearing unidentifiable bodily fluids across her forehead. she jabs another syringe into your other thigh and the feeling returns to your lower body. you're a little sore but other than that you feel great. she wheels over a full length mirror and tells you to take a look. its perfect. youre everything youve ever dreamed you would be. you cant describe how euphoric it feels to see a vagina, your vagina, between your legs. you thank her tearfully. she smiles awkwardly. of course, shes saying.

how much do i owe you you ask. she shrugs. iunno, a hundred bucks? im not in it for the money. you pay her the hundred bucks and leave quickly. you barely remember to get dressed again before heading out. you have never seen Riley again.

[zablife]

Property of Johnny

Johnny Davis x you

Johnny Davis Masterlist

A/N: A short fic based on this ask from @potter-solomons. Also, I wrote this with a raging fever so if it doesn't make sense, pls be kind. I'll fix any mistakes later.

"Goin' out for a smoke," you told Johnny, placing a kiss to his cheek as you leaned across the table to borrow his lighter.

"Take your jacket, babydoll," he reminded you gently, pulling the garment off the chair beside him and holding it out for you. He insinuated the thick leather was protection against the chilly autumn air, but you knew better. The glimmer in his eye as he caught sight of the "Property of Johnny" patch on your left arm was an unmistakable tell that he loved marking you as his.

As you walked away, Wahoo's new girl cast a covetous eye in your direction, surveying your Vandals jacket carefully before asking, “How do I get one of those?"

Everyone seated at the table could tell her air of entitlement didn't sit well with Johnny who shifted in his seat with a low grumble. He looked to the younger man to tell her how things were, how you had to prove yourself to get a jacket and why only a few lucky ladies had special insignia from their men. But it was clear Wahoo wouldn't be the one to deflate her ego. Not with her hand resting on his upper thigh, moments away from whispering it was time to get out of here.

Pulling away suddenly, she snapped her gum in a show of childish impatience. "Well? Anybody gonna answer me?" she persisted.

"How long you been with this guy?," Johnny asked, indicating toward Wahoo with his beer bottle. Before she could speak up, he answered his own question. "A month... at best?" he mumbled to himself as though he were counting up the days in his head.

"So?" she shrugged.

"You work mighty quick if he's ready to call you his old lady," he hummed, taking a long swig of his beer.

Turning to Wahoo and running a manicured hand through his glossy black hair, she cooed, "I am...Ain't I, baby?"

Wahoo gulped as he looked back at Johnny. "Sure, sure," he hushed her, pulling her hand away gently. His cheeks flushed in embarrassment as she suddenly pulled his jacket from his chair, donning his colors and giving a little twirl for show.

"See how good I look?" she asked the group. "Now when do I get mine, huh?" she pouted.

Johnny rolled his eyes before looking out the window at you, thinking of all the sleepless nights you'd spent waiting for him and the countless times you bandaged his wounds. The arguments about the club that nearly ripped you apart, only for you to work things out and try all over again because you knew how important it was to him. It was that kind of love and patience a man needed to survive. One look at the simpering child across from him playing dress up told him she wasn't the type to stick around when things got hard.

"I don't think you understand, sweetheart," Johnny began in the even controlled tone he used when laying down the rules to a newcomer. "That's earned," he said, pointing to you for emphasis. "She's the most loyal person I know. Woman's stuck by me through thick and thin," he explained with an earnest nod.

As you returned from outside, you couldn't help but notice the sour look on the young girl's face as she fell back into her chair, arms folded over her chest as she whined to Wahoo, "I'm a good person too, you know. What does he want me to do, recite a pledge or somethin'?"

Johnny stood to excuse himself, a low chuckle rumbling from his chest as he placed a hand at the small of your back to indicate he was saying his final words on the subject. "Maybe if you stick around long enough you'll figure it out for yourself," he tossed over his shoulder with a wink.

--------------------

"What was all that about?" you asked Johnny when you were undressing for bed.

"What?"

"Don't give me that. What did you say to Wahoo's girl tonight?" you pressed.

"Why does it matter? She ain't gonna be here long," he grunted as he pulled the belt from his trousers.

"You know that from one conversation?" you asked, eyebrows raised at him playfully. "Poor kid just wants a jacket," you reminded him.

"Well she ain't gettin' one," he muttered. "We don't give out jackets for fucking our members."

"Oh, you don't?" you asked playfully, watching him carefully as he wound the belt around his fist, leather cracking angrily before he shoved it into a dresser drawer. The meaning behind your jacket had always been a bit of mystery to you, but you assumed it was to keep other men away from Johnny Davis' girl.

In an attempt to find out you poked the bear with a single statement. “You're a damn liar if you think I don't know the reason you gave me this jacket," you snickered as you hung it in your closet with the “Property of Johnny” patch facing you. “Want everybody to know...," you mused, tracing the stitching with your fingertips.

Johnny's brow twitched at the accusation, crossing the room to capture you in his arms. “What? That I'm proud you're mine?" he prompted, holding your face in his large palm.

"To keep their distance," you corrected, holding his gaze.

"Can't it be both?" he grinned at you mischievously before ducking his head to place kisses along your collarbone.

Full lips brushing against the column of your throat, you soon felt his hot breath ghost over the shell of your ear as he whispered, "I think you know me better than that. I protect what’s important to me and that's the love you give me. Wouldn't be nothin' without you, darlin."

Your heart swelled at his praise, fingers curling tightly over his biceps as his hand began stroking languidly up your spine.

He paused momentarily to rest his chin against your head. “I know the things you gave up for me and this is the only way I can repay you, keeping you safe."

You shook your head against his shoulder, tears forming in the corner of your eye. "I'm here cause I wanna be."

He hugged you tighter, arms lacing around your waist until you could hardly breathe. "I know, baby. I never said it, but I should have. Thank you," he mumbled into your hair, biting back emotion.

"Don't have to thank me," you assured him, stroking his hair. "I love you and I always will," you whispered with a lump in your throat.

Walking you gently toward the edge of the bed, Johnny pushed you onto the mattress with a smile you hadn't seen in months, the stress of work and the club consuming every waking hour. "I love you so much," he huffed as he tumbled over with you. "Gonna show you," he promised, rolling his hips over you with pent up desire.

[kayjaywrites]

Like Bugs in a Rug Chapter 2.5

Bonus Chapter

Previous Chapter

NOTE: Although this bonus chapter could be read by itself, I think it will hit so much harder if you at least read Chapter Two beforehand. Don't remember what happened last? Don't worry about it, this is a series of one shots, so you can basically pick-up and read in whatever order.

Story Summary: Azriel Shadowsinger, mysterious pretty boy extraordinaire himself, was head over heels in love with you for years. Everyone in the room could see it, except for you of course. A series of connected one-shots.

Chapter Word Count: 2,100 Words Chapter Music Inspo: LMS - Aislinn Davis (Does this song super relate to the chapter? Not really, but kinda if you squint. I don’t always get to choose what songs inspire me to write, and for whatever reason, this one did it for this chappy.)

XxXx

Azriel’s POV

Azriel didn’t knock. He waltzed into Rhysand’s office with swift authority. In a few long strides he was at Rhysand’s desk before the door had time to drift shut behind him. The small amount of self-restraint Azriel had maintained during his flight to The House of Wind vanished at the sight of the asshole, his fury vibrating with the need for release. He so rarely embraced the part of himself that craved such brutish violence, but as he advanced on Rhysand he tossed his gloves to the floor. He needed to feel this.

Rhysand didn’t have time to fully look up from his task. His pen was still in the middle of scribbling his signature on some paperwork when Azriel leaned over the desk and took a fist full of the front of his tunic into one hand.

He yanked the High Lord up from his chair so hard the fabric made a tearing noise. He drew Rhysand into an awkward half standing, half crouched position, holding fast as he loomed over him. Much to Azriel’s annoyance, Rhysand only seemed mildly taken aback by Azriel’s crass arrival, the bastard was expecting him.

Rhysand’s typical air of nonchalance had never bothered him in the way it did now. It was disgusting, how he could jeopardize something so precious to Azriel, and then chose fucking paperwork over trying to fix it.

He sneered in Rhysand’s face. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Hey, hey.” Rhysand tried to straighten, but Azriel didn’t give an inch. Rhysand reached a hand for Azriel’s wrist instead, as if to protect his fancy tunic from ripping further. Azriel fixed Rhysand with a scowl that promised harsh violence if he touched him, so Rhysand let his hand fall.

Maybe the High Lord hadn’t completely lost his mind, had a little self preservation instinct left in him after all.

“Az, I’m going to apologize, you don’t need to do this.”

Don’t need to do this? The cold rage clouding Azriel’s mind said otherwise. He barely registered his blue siphons flashing as his shadows rose up behind him, dangerous and menacing just like him. He pulled Rhysand closer, the thread along the collar of the tunic fraying, their faces now inches apart as he looked down at Rhysand with blatant revulsion.

The scent of your tears lingered in Azriel’s nose like you were still falling apart in his arms. For as long as he lived, Azriel would remember what it felt like to see your confidence and hope flicker like a dying flame when all he could offer you was his embrace. It wasn’t enough, he knew that, and it made him feel so helpless. All Azriel wanted was for you to feel like you belonged here, with the Inner Circle, with him.

And they had made damned good progress too, it was slow, but he could tell that you were warming up to the idea of trusting the Inner Circle. Until this dick went and fucked it all up.

So yeah. He did need to do this.

“I fucked up,” Rhysand rushed out, his violet eyes seemed to take in every twitch of Azriel’s face, reading the unspoken threat for what it was, “I’m not saying I don’t deserve this. I’m saying that I already agree with you, I went too far, and I will apologize.”

Azriel huffed an exhale, nostrils flaring. You’d been so distraught, so emotionally and physically exhausted that you fell asleep a few minutes into the flight to Mor’s apartment. You’d never admitted as much, but he knew you had a bit of a phobia of heights, it’s why he never pressured you to fly with him. He had dreamed of the first time he’d take to the sky with you, planned out each scenario, wondered how you’d look the first time you saw Velaris from above. He’d always imagined your face to be alight with wonder.

If he had any reservation about confronting Rhysand, it vanished by the time he entered Mor’s apartment. You didn’t even stir when he laid you down on Mor’s bed. He considered returning to The House of Wind while you were asleep, but the idea of you waking up here alone kept him rooted to your side. He sat on the bed next to you while he waited for Mor to return home, he knew she would take good care of you, she took her duty as a newly discovered older sister very seriously. He found himself absentmindedly smoothing your mused hair from your face. Using his gloved fingers to wipe away dried tear tracks from your cheeks. He was unable to stop comparing the peaceful expression you wore in your sleep to the heartbreak he’d seen while on the stairs.

The room was silent, but his mind was loud as he spiraled, thoughts fixated on how he'd failed you. Had Rhysand sent him away to Windhaven first thing in the morning on purpose, to set him up for failure? Were there really any rumors of an uprising in the camp? Azriel hadn't found any, and it seemed like a mighty convenient distraction.

By the time Mor arrived home he was visibly seething with no concept of how much time had actually passed while he waited. He barely greeted her, gesturing to your sound asleep form on the bed as he made his exit. 

Of course, Azriel was furious on your behalf, but that wasn’t what triggered the bloodlust, not completely. He was supposed to protect you, mind and body, and he failed you so spectacularly. He’d assumed that Rhysand had similar intentions, had fully trusted him to protect you while he was away. He would never be so foolish again, he just hoped that you’d stick around long enough to see that.

What if the damage Rhysand dealt couldn’t be smoothed over by a mere apology.

Studying Rhysand now, he seemed so certain that he could smooth this over. He didn’t seem remotely sorry enough for Azriel’s taste. His free hand clenched into a tight fist, something eerily similar to hatred bubbled in him like acid. If Rhysand didn’t feel guilt or remorse for what he’d done to you, then he certainly didn’t care how his actions impacted him either. 

Azriel meet his chosen brother’s beseeching stare with contempt as he spoke, words sharp as they left his lips. “When Feyre was first adjusting to the Night Court, I did everything I could to make her feel comfortable and welcome because one way or the other, I knew she was important to you. That made her important to me too. Well before she became my high lady.”

Something defensive surfaced in Rhysand at the thinly veiled accusation. “Are you implying that I don’t care about my own cousin?”

“No,” Azriel snapped back, “I’m implying that you don’t care about me. How dare you speak to her like that knowing exactly what she means to me.”

Rhysand inhaled sharply through his teeth, fixing Azriel with a stern frown, as if he was the one disappointed in him. “I am the High Lord, Azriel, how many times must I remind you that my duty to my Court has to trump the comfort of those in my Inner Circle? She would have had to face Kier eventually, as you know, he thinks she’s spying on us for him. Was I supposed to risk a civil war because she wasn’t prepared?” Rhysand’s calculating eyes were hard as he paused for a moment, as if considering his next sentence carefully, “Just like how I expect you to make uncomfortable choices for the sake of the Court, I expect her to do what must be done to protect the Court as well. That is what it takes to be a part of my Inner Circle."

At one point, referencing the confrontation with Rhysand after getting caught canoodling with Elain would have sent him over the deep end. That conversation marked the first time he truly questioned the depth of Rhysand’s compassion for those in his Inner Circle. Even if Rhysand had been right in the long run, the cold way in which he handled it did not settle well with Azriel. For the sake of his family, not the Court, he had backed down and buried the resentment he felt towards Rhysand. It had seemed worth it, to see Elain and Lucien so happy, and Azriel was finding his own happiness too.

Again, Azriel’s siphons blazed. Rhysand could walk all over him as much as he liked, he’d lived through worse well before he’d met him. But he wouldn’t let Rhysand treat you like that even again. You deserved so much better, especially from your High Lord. “Being the fucking High Lord does not give you the right to be an asshole. You know she already struggled with feeling out of place among us, you didn’t have to confirm her worst fears to get her to cooperate.”

“I know!” Rhysand snapped, trying a bit harder to pull away from Azriel and straighten to his full height, a warning gleaming in his eyes when Azriel didn't yield. He’d sooner rip the tunic all the way down the front than let Rhysand stand tall right now.

“I knew she would push back,” Rhysand continued, sounding offended. Good. “I knew I would have to be more stern with her than I’ve ever been before. I had a plan, but hadn’t accounted for what her magic would feel like when it went on the offensive. I didn’t know it could go on the offensive, I don’t think she knew she was doing it, she zoned out for about a couple minutes in the middle of the argument, totally unresponsive and just blankly staring at me. I couldn’t penetrate her mental shields at all. Her magic protected her from my own fiercely. I wasn’t ready, and my magic took the bait, I lost control of the situation. I’m going to apologize to her, Az. I’m going to explain myself.”

Azriel searched Rhysand’s face for any sign of deception, growing cross with Nesta and Mor for not mentioning the odd behavior earlier. Tense seconds of silence passed as Azriel processed the new information. Rhysand stayed stock still, unwavering under Azriel’s scrutiny. Jaw clenched, he filed this development under ‘suspicious’. He’d agonize over it when he was thinking clearer.

Exhaling a stressed breath, he unclenched the fist at his side. His other hand remained curled in Rhysand’s tunic, unwilling to release him quite yet.

“If she leaves because of this, I do too.” If Azriel’s intentions shocked Rhysand, the High Lord didn’t show it.

Hoisting Rhysand up until he stood up straight, Azriel made sure to tear the fabric down the front a good couple inches for good measure. “Fix. This. Rhys.” With that, Azriel shoved Rhysand away, releasing the collar of the tunic as the High Lord stumbled backwards, the back of his knees bumping into his office chair and toppling it over.

Azriel had nothing left to say to the other male, yet he was still wound so tight. Icy fury and hot protectiveness rushed through him like adrenaline as he turned his back to the High Lord, retreating to the door. 

This hadn’t made him feel better at all.

 Just as he was about to leave the room, as silent and quick as he arrived, he paused. “Meet me at the training grounds in 20 minutes.” He ordered, casting a challenging look to Rhysand over his shoulder, daring him to correct him for ordering his High Lord around.

When Rhysand remained passive, Azriel added. “Don’t make me come and get you.”

Then he clicked the office door closed behind him, making a beeline for the training grounds. He could sense his shadows scrambling to catch up with him. They’d loitered in Rhysand’s office a few seconds longer than him, and he almost reprimanded them for it. But then one of his bigger shadows materialized, curling down his arm to place his discarded gloves in his waiting palm. He dismissed the shadow, not quite with praise, but thankful nonetheless as he tucked the gloves into a vacant pocket in his leathers. It would have irked him if he had to ask Rhysand for them back, after he threw them to the floor in such a dramatic display only to not throw a single punch.

He’d get those punches in soon though, and he was going to enjoy every single one with bare hands. Then, he would focus his attention on what really mattered, supporting you. One day, he hoped to prove to you that you had people right here who would choose you over their Court every damned time.

Previous Chapter Next Chapter

XxXx

Like Bugs in a Rug Tag List: @f4iry-bell @jediknightjana @microwaveallthedemons olive-main @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @5onedirection5 @lilah-asteria @witchymomfrien @landofpetrichor @quinzzelx @tsibba01 @brieflyclassymortal @hauntedstudentobservationus

[crazyk-imagine]

Breaking Hearts and Making Names

Pairing: Nathan Scott x Fem!reader

Characters: Chris Keller, Fem!reader, Nathan Scott, Brooke Davis, Peyton Sawyer, Lucas Scott, Marvin "Mouth" McFadden, Antwon "Skills" Taylor, Haley James (Scott)

Warnings: Fluff, one tree hill funsies, chris keller being a punk, reader taking no shit, brooke and reader being bestie's, the girls needing to rope reader in, reader is kinda like a fem wade wilson, this was kind of random but also not, I love making reader besties with Brooke, this has been in my drafts for a bit, happy to have posted it, lowkey a stupid fic but a fun one

Word Count: 676

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You turn the corner when you hear him flirting with another girl and roll your eyes. You walk towards the stairs to Nathan’s apartment and raise a brow.

"How old are you again?" You cross your arms, staring at him.

Chris turns around and furrows his brows, confused as to what you’re getting at. "What?"

"How old are you? You're not in high school and yet you're preying on young girls, under the age of eighteen might I add which I believe would make you a pervert." You turn to the girl he’s been talking to and lean in, “you can go now.”

She nods and scoots around him so she can leave.

He scoffs, rubbing his face in annoyance. “Chris Keller is offended and not a pervert."

You lean in closer to him, "would you really prefer it if I called you a pedo?"

His eyes widened. "Man, you're cold."

Your shoulders deflate as your eyes soften, "aw, Brooke taught me well." You spin around and catch her gaze as she walks closer to you, throwing her arm around your shoulders.

"I did and I'm so proud."

You both throw your heads back and chuckle.

He shakes his head, watching the two of you take the lead and walk up the stairs to hangout in your boyfriend's apartment but not before adding, "I know you're checking someone out, you pervert. I would say kiss my ass, but you can't so, suck a d-"

Peyton and Haley have never pulled you away from the railing as fast as they have in all their lives while Brooke throws her head back and laughs, clapping her hands to where it sounds like she’s smacking her hands together.

-

The guys get out of the car and walk towards the defeated musician. Nathan glances up when he hears your laughter.

He can’t help but chuckle, knowing you had something to do with Chris’ defeated look. "What happened?"

The musician lifts his head, staring at the youngest Scott boy with a defiant attitude.

Before Nathan decided to officially ask you out and not hide his feelings from you, he made sure to put the infamous Chris Keller in his place.

"The one in your hoodie is mean."

The Scott brother's glance at one another and nod.

"Makes sense," Lucas says.

He and Haley always liked your style and the way you carry yourself, which explains why you’ve been friends with them for as long as you have.

It helps him when the other guys on the team want to try and pick on him or if a certain guy who refers to himself in the third person needs to be put in his place. But the downer for those who come across your mean streak is-

"She and Brooke have been hanging out a lot.”

“We've never known someone to have the same amount of brazen personality as Brooke until they met and, as Brooke likes to say, they “clicked”. I’m surprised you made it as far as you have," Nathan adds.

"She hurt Chris Keller's feelings."

"Something tells me, she doesn't care," Nathan tells him before heading up the stairs.

“Tell your brother to control his girl.”

Lucas shakes his head, “I’d rather not. She can get pretty mean if I try to tell her to do something.”

Mouth and Skills chuckle to themselves as they pass him.

“I wouldn’t take what she means to a heart man,” the latter tells him.

The blond pouts. “How would you take it if she called you a perv?”

“I’m not, so I don’t have to worry about it.”

Mouth nudges his friend in the side, causing him to whine. “What he means is, you should watch what you say, or you get the look.”

“The look?”

Mouth nods, “the look.”

The two walk away from him, leaving him to follow behind and see the infamous look that your friend was talking about.

He chuckles and thanks whatever karma was in his side to prevent him from getting a stare down from you. 

[kiddbegins]

College Days - A. H.

Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader Word count: 10.7k Summary: when you met Aaron back in college, he was not the serious bureaucrat he is in modern days. also kinda sunshine x grumpy but not in the expected way :) A/n: this was going to be one whole thing but... I think i'm going to do two parts so... enjoy !

You didn’t go to college to mess around. You were there to get your points. Get your degree. Get the job of your dreams. Well… your family's dreams but that was besides the point. 

Not a day went by where your family wasn’t talking about you becoming a lawyer. It became such a usual conversation topic you nearly forgot it wasn’t your idea. 

But you pretended it was. Besides, going down the coast for your law degree couldn’t be that horrible. George Washington University was far enough from family that you wouldn’t feel pressured into doing anything you didn’t truly want. 

Which included the fact your parents wanted you to live on campus. Which you wouldn’t mind if you didn’t see that another first year was looking for a roommate about five minutes off grounds. 

All your life you’d shared a room with your siblings. Literally from the day they were born up until graduation. Your sister and you shared a room, sometimes forced to share with your brother. So of course you leaped at a chance for your own space, own area. 

And your now roommate, Louise Davis, was just the entry you needed. She was a biology major, you were there for political science and a minor for criminal justice. 

A good duo. 

There were rarely any classes together. You planned to take the necessary art class together though, a chance to have some time together where you’re not just mutually studying. 

And you’d now been roommates for two, going on three years. Like sisters practically. Told each other everything, and really… everything. You knew WAY too much about her love and sex life with her boyfriend, Jared. 

They’d been a whole ‘will they/won't they’ since freshman year but apparently sometimes over the summer he asked her out and they’d been together since. 

Which was swell and all but you were… not a fan of his roommate. Aaron Hotchner. You were there for the same major but he was always acting like he had all the time in the world for everything. 

You weren’t entirely sure you saw a time where he wasn’t grinning like a goof or laughing at something either he or Jared had said. 

In classes you shared, sure, he took notes. But at the same time he was drawing stupid little figures into the margins of his lined paper. 

Not that you took notice of them that much. Just those days he sat close enough that you caught a glimpse. You hated those days. 

The way he seemed to care less and less made you so… mad? Like he shouldn’t even be in these classes. This school even. Why you cared about his studies or lack thereof was completely questionable to you. 

But regardless, the nights where Louise begged you to go out with her and Jared were hard. You wanted to study, she told you there was still two weeks until the paper was due and practically dragged you out of the apartment. 

And each time it of course wasn’t just you two. Nope. Aaron was there. And sure, you should have been less stiff. Been able to let go, drink a few drinks, dance even. But all you could think of was that you weren’t home studying. 

Which was apparently noticeable by everyone around you. “Seriously, y/n, you need to take a break. I don’t think I have ever seen you just… be.” Louise had a large smile on her face, cheeks tinted red from the warmth and alcohol in her system. And her words were lighthearted. 

She wanted you to have a good time. To not be bound down because of your studies. Louise knew you were only this hard on yourself because you were the oldest of three, an oldest daughter at that and you knew you had to succeed. 

She knew. 

But she also knew that you needed to breathe. Find a way to be yourself in ways you wouldn’t let yourself. Which was evident with the shake of your head, “Lou, really, it’s bad enough I’m out right now instead of starting my essay for Korofsky’s class. The last thing I need is to get distracted.”

He was your harshest teacher and you were constantly terrified he’d write off your work and down play what you got. 

It wouldn’t surprise you. He always half offed the girls grades in class. How the hell did Aaron fucking Hotchner get a near perfect score on his probably half assed paper but you got a near ten points less?

You slept a total of five hours in the three nights it took you to write that. But he got a better score. Maybe that’s what ticked you off about the boy. 

He didn’t try. And apparently didn’t have to try like you did. And it got right up under your skin. Especially now, you needed to be home, writing and you knew that’s where you’d rather be. 

But he was out in the middle of the dance floor, probably three beers deep with Jared who was half dancing, half waiting for his girlfriend to join him. 

“Oh come on y/n/n. It’s one night.”

“A lot of stuff happens in one night. Seriously, you go dance. I’m good right here.” You said glancing around for any chance you could get to run off. Any chance. 

There didn’t seem to be one for a while after Louise ran off, her eyes going over to you too much to make a smooth getaway. 

And that dwindled when the Bain of your existence came up next to you, “why aren’t you out there?” Aaron questioned, out of breath with bright red cheeks. He leaned on the table, hoping it would give enough leverage that he could catch his breath. 

You gave him the cold shoulder, not responding. Not unusual. He noted the way you ignored his existence quickly. Did he have any idea why you hated him? Nope. Not a clue. But he wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t make him want to bother you more. 

He liked annoying you, hoping at some point you’d crack and decide that he wasn’t a horrible person. Because he wasn’t. He was just following his fathers footsteps. Which you didn’t know but that didn’t matter to either of you. 

“Oh come on, you’re gonna ignore me now too? This isn’t karofsky’s class where I’m asking for your notes.” He sighed, looking over at you, giving you an expectant smile when you looked back. 

Slightly you sighed, sipping the virgin Shirley temple you had in front of you, “I don’t want to be out there.” You gave in a monotone voice. Clearly wanting both him to go away and not talk to you. 

Ever. 

“Why not? They have some pretty good music-“

“I just don’t.” Your voice came out snappier than intended but the constant harassment of why you didn’t want to be out was just added to the annoyance of said instance. 

Somehow Aaron seemed to understand that, nodding, “Alright. If you want help sneaking out, I can help.” His offer genuinely surprised you. 

You looked him over, he was a college boy so you felt like you should be weary, but he was also friends with Jared who was nice enough for you to trust who he kept company with. 

Even with the slight hesitation you nodded, “Would you?” He nodded instantly. Unbeknownst to you he was all for secrets and assisting in them. 

“Course, come on. I’ll tell them you felt sick, walked you home.” He held his arm out to you which you took, shockingly, before walking out with him. 

Whether Louise and/or Jared noticed didn’t even matter, you seemed perfectly okay walking out of the small bar with the kid you swore up and down you hated and it wasn’t that horrible. 

That’s when things shifted. You had formed some sort of alliance with him. He acted like he wanted nothing to do with you so Jared would have a reason to tell Louise not to invite you out more. Which she hated and did anyway but when you said the same thing back to her she bit her cheek and dropped it. 

It was like a magical form of detestment. Except now you wanted to be around him. You didn’t put those thoughts over your work. Never ever. But when you went to class you didn’t mind if you ‘had’ to sit next to him. 

He didn’t seem to mind either. Especially not when you were the quiet one that had all your note taking stuff ready in front of you before class started and he got to just go off about some stupid shit Jared did that morning. 

A lot of the time you wanted to tell him to shut up, but truthfully you did happen to half smile at his words sometimes. And it was like he was chasing that. Like he wanted to see it. 

And maybe he did. 

But he’d never admit that. Not even on his death bed. Because he was nearly sure you were still indifferent to him. Which you weren’t. 

Lots of miscommunication and misunderstanding going on but neither of you were brave enough to confront it and set things straight. 

It wasn’t like you had given up on school, that was still your focus and 9/10 you were truly nose deep in your work or a text book for whatever class it was that kept you away from everyone. 

Near the end of the year it was worse. The last couple of months were hell. Your eyes burned more easily. Words blurred together on the paper and the library was practically your first home. Not even second. First. 

You’d leave there later than anyone, which was admittedly creepy (you were convinced it was haunted), but you still did it anyway. Getting there after your last class of the day and just pouring every remaining brain cell into the papers and homework that were due. 

It was tiring. Exhausting. The amount of times your hand cramped up from the fast paced cursive you wrote out couldn’t be counted on your fingers and your knee bounced with every second you had to reread a line. 

Because that didn’t say that did it? Oh it did… no it didn’t. 

You really couldn’t make out this last chapter for the semester, none of the words making any goddamn sense and it was making you so frustrated you wanted to cry. 

There was a throbbing in your temple that was working its way across your forehead and it really felt like your brain was going to explode. Could that happen? Who cares, that’s what it felt like. 

Honestly, your presence at the library was very noticed. If not by the librarians then the other students that also frequented. Can you guess who one of those students would be?

Aaron. He noticed because everyday he’d sit at least an hour to catch up on notes he’d missed in class thanks to whoever was kind enough to give him the in between stuff and each time he managed to find you. 

It helped that you had a designated spot. Honorary of course. You liked being in the corner, against the far wall. Sure you used one of the bigger tables but it was never clear. Always covered with something. A text book. Notebooks. Loose papers. Everything or a mix of it. 

Regardless it made it rather easy to spot you. The highlighter colored jacket you wore quite often brought his eyes over to you easily, plenty of times. 

A part of him thought he should stay where he was at but he just couldn’t ignore you. “Do you ever go home?” He asked as he sat across from you. 

No wait for an invitation, just… sat. You looked up at him without lifting your head. 

“Do you ever study?” Your voice tight. “Yes, now leave me alone.” You sighed, stressed enough as is, that you couldn’t focus on the words on the paper. Of course he didn’t listen, because why would he?

Instead he just stayed across, crossing his arms on the table and looking over at what exactly you were reading. “What class is that for?” He tried to question, a groan of annoyance leaving your mouth. 

“Do you know what leave me alone means?” You asked, finally looking at him. He scrunched his nose up, his eye doing the same as he hummed. 

“Mmm, not entirely. Come on, you never take a break… that’s gotta get tiring,” He continued, eyes on you fully.

It slightly burned that he was just staring, trying to ignore the way it made you slightly self conscious. “I don’t want to take a break. Can you just-“

“Leave you alone, yeah yeah, heard that before.” He said, “How about instead of interrogating you, I ask how your studying is going?” He shifted, you biting your cheek. 

“Admittedly not great.” You confessed for some reason, subconsciously craving some sort of buffer before returning to work as you sighed, “I’m trying to focus and it isn’t happening. You’re really not helping either.”

Aaron smiled, “Well if it already wasn’t going great then how much worse would I be making it?” He offered with a chuckle, tilting his head. 

You wanted to argue his words but, he sadly had somewhat of a point. “Oh shut up. I’m serious.” You ended up spilling how and why you had truthfully hit a block that was practically killing you. 

“Would it help if someone read it to you? Take notes from that?” He asked and for a second you thought it was a stupid question. But honestly, it could help. 

You shrugged, “Maybe? But it’s not like there’s an audio version of this just laying around.” You muttered, trying to focus on again as Aaron laughed lightly. 

“Well I was going to offer to read it myself but you seem to be very well off on your own so I’ll leave you to it.”

“Wait.” You cut him off, grabbing his hand as he went to stand and leave. “It’s worth a try. I really need to go over this tonight.” You felt crazy asking, even crazier for the fact that you’re hand stayed where it was the entirety of the time you spoke and as he sat back down in the chair. 

Quickly you pulled it back, turning the text book to him. “I’m here but honestly, I don’t know what the hell the first couple pages were so…”

You trailed off but he nodded, flipping to the opening page. “No worries, I’ll start from the beginning.” He replied casually, like he genuinely didn’t mind that he was here, helping. 

His voice was all you focused on as he read word for word, line by line through every last page. It truthfully was helping immensely that you could tell him to stop and he would, elaborating when needed. 

It was nice. 

But you’d never admit that. You kept the straight line of your lips on your face and no other emotion behind your eyes. You were in school for a serious degree that you were serious about getting. 

There was no need to mess around and get comfortable with a boy. At all. (But you wanted to.)

Instead of acting on anything you just let him read, unaware of how his eyes went over every once in a while, adoring the way your hair slipped over your shoulder. A chuckle leaving his lips when you told him to pause so you could tie back said hair. 

By the end you had a pretty solid few pages of notes and a satisfied Aaron. 

“Honestly, I think I understood more by reading that out loud than I ever have by reading it to myself.” He admitted, closing the book and slipping it over to your pile that was admittedly messy. 

You started putting away everything, glancing at him, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe we can make this a thing. I read, you write, I… copy the notes you take so I have a more digestible version?” He offered and you wanted to say no. 

Being with him as is was enough. But it helped a lot. And it helped him. God why did you care that it helped him too? You sighed, tightening the ponytail that had been made an hour ago, nodding. 

“How do you do it?” You asked, his look of confusion making you take in a breath. “You’re always laughing. Or goofing off. I hardly ever even see you take notes in class. This is a serious job we’re going into and you’re just… not. How do you do it?”

Aaron hesitated before shrugging faintly, “I don’t know, it’s just how I am I guess..” He trailed off, watching for your reaction and for an inevitable answer to his offer.

“Alright, we can do this again.” Your voice tight. Hiding… something behind it that he took note of, too tired to try and go into it today, well, tonight. It was technically tomorrow now since it was 1am. 

Aaron smiled, standing, “I’ll walk you to your apartment.”

“Your apartment is on the opposite side of campus. I’ll be fine.” You brushed off his statement, his dark brown eyes immediately darkening. 

“Y/n, it’s almost 1:30 in the morning and from here your apartment is on the opposite side of campus and then some. I’m walking you.” His words left no room for disagreement and truthfully you’d never seen him sound as serious as he just did. 

There was always some sort of goofiness or joke behind his tone. But this? You simply nodded at him, deciding to not argue and just go with it. He’d be the one walking back and forth. Not your problem. 

“Fine.” You muttered, finally zipping the backpack you brought with you up and lugging it onto your back. The weight of it did nothing but make your body ache but you had to carry it all so you learned to ignore it. 

Aaron glanced at you, “you want me to carry that?” His voice back to being lighthearted as he gestured to the bag. 

“I got it.” You said with a shake of your head, immediately feeling a bit guilty at how harsh that had come out so you glanced back at him, “thank you though.” A shift in your tone. 

Maybe you were starting to not hate him as much as you thought you did. 

—

“Y/n, are you listening to me?” Louise looked over at you, your nose in a book that was shockingly, not actually school related. It instead was just a pleasure read and you were trying to be content with that.

She wasn’t of course, “Oh come on. That’s not even for school and you’re still focused more on that than the fact I’m trying to plan you a birthday party?” Her weight was next to you in your bed in seconds, no sense of personal space known to her.

You sighed, tucking the small bookmark into the book and putting it on the bedside table. “Lou, I have told you like, a million and one times. I don’t want a birthday party. It’s not like it’s a milestone-”

“25 most definitely is a milestone. You have one year left at this school before you’re officially off, being whatever lawyer you’re going to be. This is my last year here. So therefore. Milestone. Now. I’m thinking we just do something at that bar we went to across town.” Louise rambled off, her legs crossing.

You pursed your lips, deciding to just give into her vision. “Okay, okay. So are you like, wanting ideas? Or?” You questioned, leaning back on your bed a bit to finally stretch some from where you were.

“Yes! Yes please. I know you like The Addams family and Halloween and it’s very out of season to do but would you want to do a costume party?” Her question made your eyebrows raise. How she even knew that you had no idea. 

It wasn’t like you were loud and proud about your likeness of the spooky season or the movie, aside from the fact you went and saw it three times when it came out. “That… would actually be really, really, cool.” You admitted,

“And before you ask, you can be Morticia, I know you’ve been dying to be her for halloween.” You didn’t even have to think as you spoke, you did love the movie but if you were going to dress up as anything it was going to be something completely different than what she would be thinking.

Louise’s eyes widened, “Oh I love you so much, okay, I’m gonna start planning everything, don’t worry.” She leaned forward to hug you tightly, practically snapping your back before she hopped up, already having a thousand ideas in her mind about the party.

On the same hand, you were thinking over what to be. There were two main options, pull out the Dorothy from the wizard of Oz dress from a couple years ago or look for a Princess Leia outfit. Considering you were recently back into Star Wars the latter won and you were hoping to god you could find something to wear.

—

The weekend of the party got here quickly. Quicker than you’d like but truthfully it didn’t matter much since you had already gotten all the pieces necessary for your costume, now just sitting in front of your mirror attempting to perfect the hairstyle Leia wore with it.

Different than the usual side buns since you opted for the more conservative outfit from Return of the Jedi. Meaning a nice braided crown was all you needed and was majorly simple in comparison to keeping the two buns even or stopping them from drooping. All would’ve been roadblockers. 

“Are you ready?” Louise’s voice called out, poking her head through the door. “Oh god, you are such a dork.” A small smile on her face. She’d already seen both Jared and Aaron’s costumes and was ready to leave.

You stood, turning, “Yeah, yeah, but does it look okay?” You questioned, worryful that it would look weird on you. Louise had seen the movies but she wasn’t as into them as you were. She came in, stepping around you.

“Amazing, come on. The boys are waiting.” She pulled your arm, taking you from the room and the two boys were in the living room. 

Jared of course was matching with Louise, a nice suit that looked like Gomez’ and his hair slicked back. It was fitting. Very nice.

You froze as you looked at Aaron, “Oh you’re kidding..” You muttered, looking over his brown pants, beige long sleeved shirt and dark blue vest down to the leg harness and fake gun that mirrored yours in it. “Han Solo?”

“Princess Leia.” He copied your questionable tone as you sighed, your eyes closing momentarily before you nodded. “Nice.” He didn’t mind (accidentally) matching the birthday girl, but the other two took note of the way your face went pink.

People would think it was on purpose. Everyone around was aware of that and apparently you were the only one that cared. “I’m going to change, I still have my Dorothy costume-”

“No! Y/n/n we are already late for your own party. You look amazing, who cares if you match Aaron? It’s cute. Now let's go.” She didn’t even give you time to head back into your room before she gripped your wrist and pulled you out the door.

The boys were right behind you and you couldn’t deny that you were aware of Aaron’s eyes on you. Because of course they were. The costumes were making his confidence grow, aside from the same degree, he wasn’t sure you had anything in common really aside from the friends you both kept.

But now? You liked Star Wars, he loved Star Wars. You knew enough of the movies to pick the least popular outfit from the trilogy and it honestly made his heart race. Just the thought of bringing the conversation up. 

He never knew what to talk about around you. All he could muster was laws and some criminology he learned from the criminal justice class he took. By the time you made it to the bar together, he had about three different topics he wanted to go on and on about.

A small chorus of cheers, mainly from Louise’s friends rather than people you actually knew greeted you and the party was on. You allowed yourself two drinks. Two. That was it. Alcohol wise anyway.

“Hey,” Aaron’s voice should have caught you off guard but considering he was one of maybe four people you actually knew here, two of which were already off sucking face somewhere, it didn’t. And you could tell at some point he’d show up.

How could he not? “Hi.” You were used to being around him now, the coldness you usually put off to him had dwindled to just a slight breeze if anything at all. Especially since he’d become your official book reader.

A smile was already on his lips but it grew when he realized you were past the ‘hating his guts’ phase, “Nice costume,” He of course started, your eyes lifting to his. There was a layer of teasing to his words. Aaron was well aware that you didn’t like the implications that an accidental matching costume had. Especially not a stereotypical couples costume.

“Right.”

“Maybe we should have discussed what we were going to wear more, huh,” He chuckled, sipping the beer he’d already gotten. You couldn’t judge that choice, you already had a dirty shirley in front of you as well.

A small hint of a smile attempting to grace your face but you pushed it away as you nodded, “Yeah, maybe.” You muttered, picking a cherry from your drink and eating it. Absent-mindedly you put the stem in your mouth, twisting it with your tongue into a knot and putting it on the napkin in front of you.

Aaron gaped at you, his eyes glancing from your face down to the stem before he nodded, “Next time…” He trailed off before clearing his throat and forcing himself to walk away from you. That was unusual. He never was the first one to stop the conversation, he always bothered you until you told him to go away.

Your eyes traveled to the stem, eyes widening. Oh. That… that made sense. The whole bar trick thing. You hadn’t even thought about that when you did it but now your face was probably the color of said cherry and you wanted to hide in the corner.

Eventually though, the instance fell to the back of your mind as you let yourself have a good time. The two drink rule also fell off, now having had about four, only the first had actually been picked by you, the others from various guests that were there.

And being the people pleaser that you were, you drank them.

Louise had found her way back out to the dance floor, happy to be singing along to the songs on the speakers with you, everything was going perfect. The night was perfect. As it hit midnight, the actual day you were born, you decided to start sobering up, you didn’t want to be a mess the next morning, day off or not.

Your friend of course gave you a pout, her own self completely wasted, Jared less so, meaning he had a good eye on her as they moved throughout the place. Your only other friend was a girl from your art class, Kendall, that was as introverted as you were.

Granted her was from anxiety, yours was from needing to be good in school, which… could be labeled as anxiety as well but you refused to see it as that. “Hey, y/n! Happy birthday!” She immediately perked up at seeing you, in her Orange Blossom costume from strawberry shortcake.

“Hey! Thanks, Kendall, I love this costume. Did you hand stitch this?” Your eyes widening at the level of detail that was in the yellow and orange dress that hung on her body. Sheepishly she nodded, a tad bit embarrassed.

“I did..”

“It looks amazing, I’m truthfully jealous of your talent. I can barely fold my clothes correctly, nevermind customize them. This is insane.” You complimented thoroughly, once again taking a look at the stitched in white flowers.

Kendall grinned, “Thank you, I honestly made this a couple years ago for a party that never ended up happening so I’m very glad that you and Louise ended up making this a costume party.” She smiled, looking over your costume. “I hope I don’t sound silly but, what’s your costume meant to be?”

She’d never seen Star Wars so the question was expected. “Princess Leia, in one of the other movies.” Kendall made an ‘oh’ face as she nodded, her eyebrows furrowing.

“Wait, isn’t there someone here as Han Solo? Was that planned?” Kendall asked the cursed question, making you sigh heavily.

You shook your head, “No, that’s Lou’s boyfriend’s roommate, a pain in my ass but no, not planned. Just… small coincidence.” You slightly trailed off as you spoke. Kendall nodded, noting the way you shifted on your feet.

“Well, I’m probably going to head out. I have to be up early tomorrow. Have a good birthday y/n.” She smiled before leaving you standing there as a slow song came over the speakers. You of course moved out of everyone’s way as they split into couples, swaying to the song on the dancefloor.

Your heart practically dropped when you saw Aaron coming in your direction. Was he going to do what you thought he was going to do? God you hoped not… sort of. Part of you wanted him to, your thoughts about this man were everywhere and then some. 

All of you wanted to still dislike him but he’d weaseled in and now you had to fake your distaste to hide the fact you actually liked having him around. Liked that he was smiling as he came up to you and held his hand out.

You liked that he gently clasped his hand around yours when you took his and pulled you out with him. You liked all of it and you hated that you did. Hated that you were melting at the smell of his cologne and aftershave.

Absolutely hated that his hands just resting on your hips and your arms over his shoulders was making your head dizzy even though you were just barely swaying. The worst part? It didn’t feel awkward. Not for you at least.

No, it felt like you were supposed to be doing exactly what you were doing, no words needed. It was natural. Absentmindedly you slid your fingers through the hair just at the base of his neck, the hair framing his face a bit messy but still attractive. 

Did you just think he was attractive? God this was getting bad, even for you. To tear your eyes away from him you leaned your head against his shoulder, whether that made things better or worse was undetermined but you stayed like that the rest of the song, his thumb slightly rubbing circles into your hip as he stayed near you.

The song switched to a more upbeat one and you almost didn’t want to pull away. Almost. Instead you did, letting out a tight breath as you looked up at him. “That was nice.” You mumbled, still standing in front of him, trying to keep your eyes on his eyes, or hair, or anything that wasn’t his lips.

Something had festered in between the two of you in that moment and you felt suffocated. Like you should do something but you weren’t sure what. “It was.” He said in return, his tone the same as he tried to keep his eyes up too.

To solve both of your problems you turned heel and walked away, no goodbye just a rushed, near jog towards the door. You were panicking. Boys were not supposed to be on the table. This was one of the most important years of your life. You couldn’t waste it on a boy. Waste any time on something that wasn’t your work.

Aaron seemed to notice how tense you seemed, following behind you. If you had just disappeared into the crowd he would have left you. But running outside? Alone? He was protective, always had been. Even when you hated him.

So he jogged after you, “Y/n! Hey wait,” He caught up with you quickly. Curse his long legs and your short ones. “Please,” He gripped your elbow, stopping you in your place as you turned to him.

Correction, turned into him, your body hit his chest gently, his other hand lightly holding your side as he stabilized you, his eyes darting across yours. “Are you okay?” He asked, his voice low, soft even as he spoke.

You felt like he could hear the sound of your heart picking up in your chest. You were. But you weren’t. You’d be better if you weren’t fighting every urge known to man to not lift up and kiss him. To not look at him with your y/e/c eyes until he kisses you.

And you sure as hell didn’t trust your voice right now. It could waver, stutter, multitudes of other things. So you just nodded, clearing your throat to let out a quiet, “Yeah.” In response that he didn’t believe. 

“People that are okay don’t run out of their own birthday parties.” He countered, your eyes falling shut in defeat. He wasn’t wrong. But you wished he was. You stepped back, his hands hesitantly sliding off of you, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth. 

Aaron watched you, waiting for a sign that you were going to continue or that he should make some sort of first move. “I can’t do this.”

“What exactly is ‘this’?”

“This. I can see how you’re looking at me. I can feel how much I want to do what we’re both thinking but I can’t. Not now. I need- I need to focus on school. My parents are expecting me to graduate next year. I can’t… be distracted-”

Aaron had to comment, “So you are distracted by me.” He spoke, the glare you sent him making him shut up. “Why can’t you have both? Am I really that distracting to you?” This time his voice was more genuine.

As if he couldn’t fathom that you could really think about him more than you thought about your school work. Which you didn’t and wouldn’t but in the last three-ish months he was on your mind a tad bit more than you’d like to admit.

“Yes. Yes you are and god Aaron I hate it. I hate this, you, what I’m feeling. They… they weren’t supposed to happen. They can’t.” It was like you were trying to convince yourself more than him. Every part of you wanted to try, to see if you could do it.

The way he stepped forward, cupping your cheeks in both of his hands didn’t help. Neither did the way he lifted your face to meet his. “We can try.” He said softly, trying to get you on board as his thumb slid over the smooth skin of your cheek.

You slightly shook your head, his nodding in return as he leaned down, putting his forehead against yours. “If Han and Leia can have a thing amidst a war, we can in college.” He offered, a lopsided grin growing on his face.

“You know we’re not actually Han and Leia, right?” You said, an actual tone of a joke in your voice that Aaron was still getting used to hearing from you. He nodded, of course he knew. But he also knew that he wanted to kiss you anyway.

So he did. Slowly he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. Because at least if you shoved him off and decided you never wanted to see him again, at least he’d know what it felt like. What you felt like. Except that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

You immediately relaxed into his touch, your hands coming up to rest over his as your lips moved with one another's. It was like a ball of energy was forming between you that was stealing every bit of space left. 

His chest pressed against yours, his hands still on your face as your hands slid up his arms and over his shoulders. 

You stepped back with him, leaning against the brick wall of whatever building was behind you, arms locking over his shoulders. If you’d been at one or the other’s place, you were sure it would have gone further but since you were practically ten feet from a bar of all your friends, you pulled back, eyes darting across his face.

“We can’t.” You forced out, knowing it was tearing you apart to say that, knowing the way his shoulders and hands fell that you’d just tore him apart. And you hated it, but it had to be done. You couldn’t do this.

You wouldn’t.

—

Summer was supposed to be downtime. Your family loved going out to Newport and being out on the beach everyday. out on the beach everyday. Swimming. All that cool New England fun. 

You were never the type. You hated the ocean. Ironic considering the fact that Rhode Island is the ocean state but you just never had fun. 

Sand got into every small crevice of your body, the waves literally tried to drown you. Not to mention the way no matter how much sunscreen you put on, your cheeks and shoulders burnt. 

It wasn’t fun. 

But you went for your siblings. Because they liked it and you liked that they did. Your parents wouldn’t go into the water with them. Half the time they wouldn’t even acknowledge that the three of you existed. 

So you took that spot. Watching your younger sister (now 21) do her backflips while your brother (now 19) held his breath until he couldn’t. It was your own type of fun. 

Fun because you were with your family, not fun because you were at the beach. 

Your favorite part wasn’t being out. It was the aftermath. After you showered and ate and were just sitting in your living room with whatever movie was picked that day on the VCR. 

Your sister chose Casablanca and you didn’t put up any argument, knowing you’d be passed out and unconscious not even twenty minutes into the film.

Which is exactly what happened. You tucked yourself into the corner of the couch and were passed out before the clock even hit 10. There was always a sense of calm and comfort when it was the three of you.

Something that you rarely ever got when you were away. It made you kind of guilty that sometimes you thought of not coming back. Of staying down in DC and focusing on yourself rather than the lingering words and expectations of your parents.

But you couldn’t do that to them. Leave them with the lingering and watchful eyes of your mom and dad. It wouldn’t be fair. Not when you were walking in your parent’s dreams so they didn’t have to. So your sister could go off and be an author. So your brother could become a mechanic. So they didn’t have to bear the weight.

So you visited on holidays, on vacations, birthdays if you could. All of it, so your parents would have something, someone to be so overly proud of that they didn’t have to force their views anywhere else.

They had it all right there.

Even if the drive back down to the campus was 50% tears, it was worth it. Everything you did for them was worth it.

The three and a half months off of school had distracted you from everything of the last months on campus. From Aaron in general but also the way he’d kissed you. Nevermind the fact that the second you walked away from him you wanted to go back and kiss him again.

But no. This was your last year. You were focused. Or at least you planned to be. And it went well. Louise still lived in the apartment you two shared, even if she wasn’t in school anymore but she worked… a lot so she was never there. Which meant the place was yours to study and hermit in.

It made hitting the books way easier, and the fact that so far you hadn’t even caught a glimpse of Aaron Hotchner was another sign that maybe this year was going to be better. Way better. No seriously, the first four months of being back were perfect, you got near perfect scores and grades, no distractions, nothing.

Until you did see him. And everything came back. Seeing him walking across campus made you nearly drop the book in your hands. It didn’t help that your eyes followed his arm down to his hand that was clasped into that of another girl.

It shouldn’t bother you. There was nothing there. You made sure of that. That was your doing so you couldn’t be mad. Or jealous. Or anything. So you went the other way, as always avoiding any problems you might possibly end up having.

Unbeknownst to you, he saw you too, instantly feeling guilt build in his stomach at the feeling of the red head’s hand in his when he didn’t want it to be her. He wanted it to be you. But he respected you too much to push you.

Aaron was aware that he was your last priority and that he was going to have to get over it and step back. Nothing but respect for you. He also decided that he would try and stick to his own guns. 

Your words last year had stuck with him. He was passing sure but he wanted to do better. To be better so he did what you would do. Locked in, focused, but he of course wouldn’t go without talking to girls.

He couldn’t do that, to the girl he walked with that day, whose name had slipped his mind the second he saw you was his emotional distraction. Which should be good for the both of you. Hopefully.

—

It was late. Like, later than late and you couldn’t sleep. Whether it was stress. It being a Friday night meaning you were alone or what. You could not fall asleep. So you got up, pulled shoes and a sweater on before heading out.

There was practically nobody around, most students either in for the night, or downtown getting sloshed. Louise and Jared were the latter, probably with Aaron. You sighed, of course there would be a way for him to come up in your mind. And like he could read your thoughts, he practically appeared next to you.

In reality he came out of the library, his eyes immediately finding you and jogging to catch up with you. “Y/n? Why are you out so late? It’s a Friday, shouldn't you be sacrificing an animal to the law degree gods or something?”

Even with his ���I’m going to be more serious’ mentality, he couldn’t help but relax when it came to you, the admittedly half assed joke making him grin. In turn a small one formed on your face, something you still weren’t used to.

How could he bring that look to your face when nobody else could? Louise tried but it took a lot. But with Aaron just him being him did it. “Couldn’t sleep.” You shrugged, continuing on. You knew telling him to go home was no use, if it was dark and you were alone, he’d find a way to stay with you.

“Right, so, going for a walk around campus was your idea of what? Getting tired?” He questioned, chuckling when you gently elbowed him.

“Don’t make fun of my ideas, I think they’re very swell.” You countered, him humming in response. The way you two bounced off of one another was so disgustingly natural you hated it. All you had to do was look at him to feel your cheeks burn, he was already watching you.

The slight and quick eye contact made your stomach flip as Aaron nudged you, “Not poking fun, just trying to understand.” He corrected. “If you’re going to walk around, at least be somewhere cool. C’mon.” 

He held his hand out and you wanted to ignore it. Wanted to laugh in his face at the thought of walking with him hand in hand but you took it instead. His hand enveloping yours in difference as you silently walked off campus and down one of the roads that led from it.

“Where are you taking me?” Your voice soft, no malice or accusatory tone to it.

“You’ll see.” Aaron replied, lightly squeezing your hand. And for a minute you forgot this isn’t what this was supposed to be. Forgot that you had sworn yourself off of him, of boys in general. That you weren’t meant to be holding his hand and walking the streets of DC.

But he just made it so easy, he was so welcoming. So casual. Like he had no ulterior motive to anything but he was savoring the moments you’d let him have. The fact that you let him walk next to you. You let him grab your hand. You let him feel what he felt even if he knew that you weren’t going to give in.

Aaron held out hope that you would. Eventually.

The park just down the road came up only fifteen minutes later. The longest fifteen minutes of your life, trying to keep your breathing even, both from the close proximity and the walking itself.

“You alright?” He asked quietly, the two of you entering the park and walking along one of the paths that lead to the water. 

You nodded, glancing over at him, “Yeah, I’m alright,” you replied in the same tone, lingering on him before you forced your eyes away. 

There honestly should have been something in you that reminded you that he was just with that other girl a few weeks ago, but his presence now was just so strong that it didn’t even cross your mind. 

All that mattered now was his hand in yours and how he was walking perfectly in step with you regardless of the height difference. The way he had a faint smile on his face without even looking at you. 

That was all you focused on. 

“Wanna sit here?” His voice cut into your thoughts, gesturing next to a tree right on the edge of the water. There was a perfect patch of flat ground where you two could sit so you nodded, following him right into the dirt. 

Both of you faced the river, backs hunched in terrible posture but neither of you really cared. “I’m sorry I ran off.” You spoke up after a few minutes, Aaron glancing over at you. “It was… childish. You didn’t deserve that.”

His hand was still in yours, his thumb beginning to stroke over the top of yours. “It’s okay. Hurt. But it’s okay.” Aaron replied, giving you the softest brown eyed gaze you’d ever seen. 

If you weren’t already head over heels for him, this would have made all of those feelings show up magically. “I still don’t know what I want.”

“That’s okay too.”

The quickness in his response, the sense of security it gave you, it made you sigh softly, “Is it?” You muttered, pulling your hand from his in fear he’d do it first. 

Aaron went to speak but you shook your head, “I don’t like feeling like this. I don’t like… you waiting around for me to finally be ‘ready’. What if I never am?” Slight panic layering into your voice. 

“Y/n, listen to me.” He leaned forward to catch your eyes, giving a small smile, “I’ll wait for you. Always. I want to.” And that should have been enough. 

That should have made you feel better but it didn’t. Though in an attempt to avoid the rest of the conversation, you laid back in the dirt, looking up into the leaves above you. 

He mimicked you, lying just to your left in silence. It also didn’t feel weird, forced even. Still it just felt natural. His hand going back to yours felt natural. All of it did. Because why wouldn’t it…

“Why’d you choose law?” Aaron asked after a bit of silence, turning his head to you. 

A light scoff at the way it was worded was what he got in response, “Choose is a bit of a stretch.” You murmured, rolling your tongue across your cheek. “That would equate to there being a second option.” You added. 

His eyebrows furrowed as he turned his head more, “You didn’t want to come here?”

“Well, I did. But not at the same time?” Your words confusing not only him but you yourself. “I knew it’s what my parents wanted. So it became what I wanted. You know?”

Aaron nodded slightly, “In a way. I mean I’m here because it’s a family thing. But I know it’s what’s right. I wanted it.”

“A family thing?”

“Yeah, my dad was a lawyer. And my grandfather. My little brother is probably going to be too… family thing.” He sighed, looking back up. 

You slightly lifted onto your elbow, “Is that why you weren’t as serious the last couple years?” You asked, Aaron shrugging in response. 

There wasn’t really a solid reason that he was so lighthearted. It was just how he was. “I guess. But, I’m past that.”

“Yeah I can tell,” you said sarcastically, gesturing to where you two were right now. Aaron laughed fully, nodding. 

“Okay, point taken. But I’m serious, I’m focusing on school more this year, my last year and I want to just… get it done.” He explained, watching as you lifted onto your elbow to look at him. 

His eyes traveled across your face, his lips pursing as you looked down at him, “don’t look at me like that.” He muttered, eyes on yours. 

“Like what?” Your eyebrows pulled together, there wasn’t anything specific about how you were looking at him. You just … were looking. 

Aaron slightly shook his head, “Like that,” he gestured at you, “like you understand and that you get it because, it’s making it really hard to respect the fact you don’t want to kiss me again.” He sighed out softly. 

You immediately bit back a smile, laying back down, “apologies.” You said softly, inching your hand closer to his, your pinky outstretched. 

His looped around yours in response and you allowed yourself to smile this time, shivering slightly. “Are you cold?” He immediately asked, already taking the hoodie he had on, off and putting it around you before you even replied. 

“I didn’t even answer you.”

“You didn’t have to.”

You looked over at him, shifting slightly closer to rest your head against his shoulder, “what if you get cold?” You muttered, hand officially slipping into his. 

“I’ll be just fine.” He replied, his head leaning against yours and you just about melted. Feeling the slight vibration of his voice as he spoke made your brain all foggy and you started to wonder if ignoring these feelings would be more distracting than just giving into them. 

But you tucked that back away for the night, the two of you ending up falling asleep right there, his hoodie the only source of warmth until he pulled you to him, your bodies making up for the lack of heat around you. 

That morning you were gone before he even woke up, the sun rising having stirred you from your sleep and shining directly on what was wrong with what you were doing out there. 

His hoodie was still over your shoulders as you practically ran back to your apartment. Truthfully you didn’t even notice until you caught sight of it in the mirror by the entrance and it made your heart pound. Now you had to see him again. 

Not that you didn’t want to. He was literally eating away at your brain. If you weren’t thinking about school, it was about him. 

If he wasn’t thinking about school, he was thinking about you. It was a very balanced experience. And you could live with it.

Until you failed a test because you were sitting two seats away from him and the smell of his cologne was wafting right to your nose. 

That was when you decided you had to do something about this. Anything. 

—

Which apparently meant actively avoiding him at every turn and step. He came out of a building, you took the long way around to go in. 

He was sitting in the back of class, suddenly you were okay with sitting in the front row. You stopped asking him to meet up at the library, not wanting to hear his voice any more than you already did. 

It worked tremendously. Eventually you could find yourself actually focusing on classes again. Your grade sailing. 

It was short lived though. 

“Y/n, someone’s here for youuu,” Louise sing-songed as she passed your bedroom door, trotting into her own to change for the night out she had ahead of her. 

You furrowed your brows, heading out to the living room and seeing Aaron standing there. You wanted to tell him to go away but something in his eyes made you stay. He didn’t look great. 

“Aaron?” You asked softly, looking over his face. As soon as you said his name his lip began to quiver, fighting off a frown. 

Immediately you stepped up to him, pulling him down into a tight hug, “hey… hey… it’s okay… I got you…” you said softly, arms over his shoulder as you kept him to you, his face burying into your neck. 

“I’m sorry for coming here I just- I didn’t know where else to go and Jared’s going out-“

“Aaron, breathe. It’s okay… what happened?” You pulled back slightly, cupping his face in your hand, the other rubbing across his shoulder with your thumb. 

He sucked in a breath, shaking faintly as he did, “My dad..” he muttered, unable to even phrase the truth, your heart dropping. 

“Oh Aaron…” you whispered, pulling him into another tight hug as Louise came out of her room, her eyes widening slightly at the sight in front of her. 

She silently gave you a faint smile, not interrupting as she left, her own date taking precedence over all of this. 

Your fingers laced through his hair as he let a soft sob out, tears now freely streaming down his face. All you could do was stand there, being someone that could comfort him. 

“Why don’t you come sit down?” You offered, hesitantly pulling back in case he wasn’t ready to move. 

He nodded faintly, you just now able to take in the disheveled look of him. His pajamas were wrinkled and his shirt was inside out as if he had pulled it on in a hurry to get over to you. 

And maybe he had. You didn’t mind. “I’m gonna make you some tea, okay?” You offered quietly as he sat on the couch, your hand still on his arm as you spoke. 

“You don’t have to-“

“I know exactly what you’re going through. I’m making you a damn tea.” You said more firmly, no room for argument as you turned to the kitchen. 

The fact he came here over any of his friends made little sense to you but if it made him feel better the least you could do was help him. 

In five minutes you’d made two cups of tea and brought them out. “I made a green and a chamomile. I don’t know which you want so you can choose.” You offered as you sat next to him, both mugs placed on coasters. 

Aaron grabbed the chamomile, immediately sipping it. “Thank you.” His voice stuffy from the crying he’d done, a weight pulling at your chest. 

“Of course.” You gave him a reassuring smile, knowing there wasn’t really much else you could do for him. 

He was silent and you followed suit, letting him manage how he wanted this all to go. “Can I ask you something?”

You nod. 

“You said you know what I’m going through,” he started, seeing you nod, “but Jared said you go up to your parents house in Rhode Island for vacation?” 

You sipped the other tea, “Yeah, they’re uh, my adoptive parents. They adopted me when I was 15.” You clarified, Aaron nodding faintly in response. 

“Oh.” He paused, “Sorry if that was-“

“Don’t you dare apologize right now, really,” your voice gentle. “I get it.” He faintly shifted, putting the mug back down as he looked at you. 

“Sorry, I mean- okay..” he stuttered slightly, a chuckle coming from you. 

“You should stay.” You suddenly said, the thought coming to your mind and immediately being said, no filter between the instances. 

Aaron looked over quickly, “I couldn’t ask you to do that.” He sighed out, his eyes red around the brim, your heart aching at the sight.

“You didn’t ask. I offered. And I mean it. Stay. Plus I’m pretty sure Louise and Jared are going to go back to your place so really, you’re better off here anyway.” The small smile you gave him was all it took for him to agree, glancing around at the couch.

It wasn’t that outlandish of an offer, your parents had raised you to be caring and empathetic, meaning you instantly turned down the fact he thought you’d make him sleep out on the couch. “You can take my bed, I probably won’t sleep anyway. Studying and all that.” You shrugged as if the offer came as second nature.

Not that that was that far off of a statement.

“I’m not taking your bed.” Aaron muttered, you looking up at him. It felt like you were suffocating, the way your eyes met and all the feelings, emotions tight between you two.

“Fine. We’ll share then.” Knowing you weren’t kicking him out at all. Not when your instinct right now was to pull him into a tight hug and hold him there forever. Not when you wanted to card your fingers through his hair and whisper that things would be okay.

That it would hurt for a while but eventually you’d feel better. All the things you wanted to do to help the man next to you, took precedence over everything in that moment. And that was scary. But you ignored the fear and took his hand in yours.

Aaron smiled weakly, locking his fingers into yours as you stood, “Come on.” You spoke so softly, like some sort of angel singing down to him. He’d follow anything you said to him then. Anything at all. Which was a bit terrifying but you simply led him to your room, motioning to the bed.

“Get comfortable, I’m gonna put some pajamas on.” You gave him a light smile before grabbing said clothes and heading into the bathroom to change and coming out not even ten minutes later to Aaron still sitting at the end of your bed.

You slightly raised your eyebrows, looking at him, “I couldn’t lay down. Don’t make fun of me.” He said quietly, you taking the spot just to his right, one leg tucked up under you as you reached your hand out.

“Can you now?” You asked softly.

“Yes.” Aaron looked over you, in shock still that you were this open to him, that you had offered not only your apartment but your bed to him. 

You nodded faintly, shifting to the top of the bed, pushing the blanket down and officially inviting him to the comfort of your mattress. It smelled like you, the entire room did. Strawberries and vanilla, the scent you’ve favored since middle school lingered on every surface and Aaron loved it.

He laid next to you, keeping space, still not knowing exactly what was allowed and what wasn’t. Was this a sign you guys were in the clear? Was it just a formality? He had no idea, so for the first time he let you lead things.

As if you could tell that was what he was waiting for, you rolled to face him, thinking over your next actions. Without much extra thought, you grabbed his hand, pulling his arm up and around your shoulder to keep him closer, your other arm slinking over his waist.

“Is this okay?” You asked quietly, Aaron nodding almost instantly, “Cause if you want to lay differently…” You trailed off as he looked down at you, only shifting to lean his forehead against the top of your head.

“This, is perfect.” He let out a sigh, his mind racing. Everything from the news of his father’s death to the way you’d finally let him in. It was a double edged sword that this is what it took. That the loss was what got him here.

The next morning was completely different to the last time you’d woken next to him. Last time you took off before the sun even cleared the sky, this time, you shifted slightly to look up at the man next to you. 

The window in your room let a decent amount of sunlight in, the curtain covering it parting in just a way that a streak of sunlight hit right over his face. 

He was gorgeous. If that was even a word you’d like to use for him. Regardless it’s exactly what you thought of him. Aaron Hotchner was beautiful and you were tired of acting like he wasn’t. 

As if he could feel your stare, he stirred, stretching his legs as he blinked himself awake. There was still a layer of sleep in his eyes as he glanced down at you, no attempt to look away being made by you. 

“Morning…” you said softly, twisting a small bit of his shirt between your thumb and index finger. 

“Morning,” his voice even more attractive as he woke up, immediately making your face heat up at the thoughts that darted across your mind. 

You lifted onto your elbow, looking down at him, “How’d you sleep?” You asked softly, moving your hand off of him as you did. 

Aaron hummed, letting out a breath, “Better than I expected.” He said, grabbing your hand in his, wanting some form of physical connection between the two of you. 

“Good, that’s good.” You said quietly, eyes trailing down your arm to where your hands were connected. “We should probably get up?”

“I’m not ready to.” Aaron said so freely, the fact he didn’t even try to hide how he was feeling made you almost giddy. 

A smile came to your face, one you didn’t bother smothering. “That’s okay, right here is good too.” You replied, pulling your lip between your teeth sheepishly. 

Being near him made your brain go haywire and you hated it so damn much. 

But you were okay with getting used to it. 

“Aaron?” You asked softly, still leaning up, over him slightly. He practically read your mind, using the clasped hands to pull you down, lifting his chin to catch your lips on his.

You couldn’t even be surprised, the look on his face before gave his intentions away as you let him pull you close, his other hand cupping the side of your face. 

His finger slid into your hair, holding you closer than you ever had before. 

Maybe it wasn’t the right time to do this. But he would rather be kissing you than thinking about his home life, so he acted on it. 

Moving his lips with yours until you wanted to stop. Which you didn’t. So he shifted up, rolling the two of you over so he was hovering over you, pulling away slightly. 

You blinked a couple times, letting out a slightly shaky breath, “is this really a good time to do all of… this?” You asked, wanting to do nothing less than all of it. 

“The perfect time actually,” he murmured before kissing you again, deeper than before.

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[eyelessfaces]

he'll be gone in the morning

llewyn davis x reader

summary: you wish he would stay. he never does.

alternatively, two times llewyn is gone when you wake up, one time he's not yet.

warnings: there's honestly more smut than plot lol this was an excuse to write llewyn smut; unprotected piv sex (this man never learns), tipsy sex where both parts consent and are aware of what's happening, creampie, oral f receiving, praise kink, both parts are desperate, plot is based on angst, fear of abandonment i guess?, self doubt from both parts, a bit of self sabotaging from llewyn because is it really an oscar isaac character if he's not self destructive

tags: friends to ??lovers I guess, f!reader, unspoken feelings, reader has hair that's long enough to brush away from her face, fluff, yearning

word count: 2.8k

I haven't been sane about llewyn for the past few days. again. it usually takes me weeks to write smut because it makes me go insane but I wrote this in like eight hours so...... yeah. not sane about this man at all.

masterlist | taglist | ao3

updates blog @eyelessupdates

It’s the same as always; he slept there last night, on your worn out couch, too old for him not to get a sore back after a whole night on it. You remember looking back at him as he tucked a pillow behind his head, a soft smile over his lips when he looked over at you before you turned the light off and reluctantly disappeared through the hallway to go to your room, by yourself.

He’s gone now, his own blanket you had gifted him on his most recent birthday messily folded and put back where it usually rests. If it wasn’t for the unfinished cup of coffee and the ashtray gathering a few cigarette butts sitting over your coffee table, it would be like he was never there in the first place.

He almost always disappears before you can join him and tell him good morning, always escapes before you get the opportunity to ask him to stay for one more night, to get him to be sure he has a place to stay at the end of the day.

He never writes notes anymore the way he used to the first few times you let him crash at your place, like he’s now used to your kindness; you don’t mind, you’re glad he feels comfortable staying here to the point where he doesn’t have to apologize when he knocks at your door anymore.

You don’t mind, it’s the whole opposite actually; you just wished he would stay.

—

Your cheeks are hot from the booze, or maybe – no, most definitely – from Llewyn’s mouth on your neck. 

His beard is softly tickling your sensitive skin as he kisses and nips at it, forcing a – treacherous – almost silent whimper out of your mouth at the same time you sink your head into the pillows to grant him more access. It makes him laugh, it fucking makes him laugh smugly to see how he’s turning you into putty in his hands. Your hand instinctively buries in his hair to get a grasp onto something, and he gets a taste of his own little game when you softly tug on his thick curls and earn a small moan from him. Good to know.

Your body only feels warmer when his hands roam along the sides of it, slowly but surely stripping you of your layers until your top half is completely bare as he continues his assault over your neck, biting and sucking on it, making sure there will be visible proof that he went there for the guys staring at you too intensely at the bar to see. 

Then his mouth trails down, again and again. He takes his precious time kissing your collarbone, the top of each breast, from your sternum down to your stomach. You cup the back of his neck as his curls softly tickle your skin and as he brings a special attention to your lower stomach, not giving in what he knows you need, teasing as his fingers press onto your hips before they eventually curl into the hem of your underwear as he continues leaving small, warm kisses to your stomach, sliding the piece of clothing off your hips and down your legs before he tosses it away. 

When he finally moves and spreads your legs apart, it’s not to slide his warm tongue over your cunt like you would expect or hope for, it’s to gently kiss your left thigh and run his hand over your skin burning in the feverish heat of anticipation; the prickle of his beard softly teases the ticklish inside of your thigh, his warm mouth just inches away from where you truly want him, the sensations increased tenfold by the booze. Each trail of his hands and mouth leaves you more sensitive, head spinning already when he’s not even giving you what he knows you truly want from him yet. 

When his mouth shifts again, it’s to give your other thigh the same treatment; soft nibbles while his hand gently caresses your warm skin before he runs the tip of his nose from the inside of your thigh up to your knee, looking back up at you desperately waiting for him to do anything concrete. 

“Llewyn please” you whine needily, throwing your head back into the cushions of your bed as he chuckles and slowly makes his way down to the inside of your thigh again, hot breath teasingly fanning there.

“Tell me what you need, angel” he demands, murmuring close to where you want him as his thumb softly brushes your bare thigh. His eyes dart back to you, raising an eyebrow when you only whine his name as a response.

“You” you slur out, fingers wrapping around his forearm to get something to hold onto. His warm, half lidded eyes make something flutter inside your stomach, his mouth and hot breath close to your soaking slit making your breath halt. “Please”

You softly gasp as both of his hands squeeze the flesh of your ass, firmly grabbing onto it to pull your body closer towards him, no longer intent on teasing you or making you wait; he'd make you beg longer if he wasn't so damn eager to taste you. 

He dives in and presses his flattened tongue against your folds, and you feel the same way you did earlier when you got to your feet after a few drinks; your head spins, your lower stomach burns just the way it did when drinking that whiskey. 

It's a bit messy, a bit rushed and maybe even desperate but not even close to being unpleasant as his tongue laps at your slit, beard harshly rubbing against your sensitive skin. 

He hums to himself as his lips close around your clit, sucking and pulling weak moans out of you, looking up at your through half lidded eyes when his middle finger slowly and carefully pushes inside your slick channel, his free hand stroking along your thigh caging his head. 

He’d praise you more if his mouth wasn’t so damn busy, if your reactions weren’t so damn attractive as he mouthed at you pussy and wouldn't dare stopping, because you look so fucking pretty like this. Disheveled, high on pleasure for him, twitching under his tongue and clenching around the finger inside you.

His ring finger is quick to join alongside the other, stroking your tight walls until he meets the spot that makes your back arch and your breath run short.

He’s barely satisfied until he makes you come on his mouth and fingers twice, until his name and your weak moans and whines are all that can come out of your mouth, until your legs are shaking around his head, until you have to ask him to ease up.

Your chest heaves heavily, your whole body burning and seeming to melt into the mattress from the couple orgasms Llewyn just gave you. You smile dazedly when you look back down at him in between your legs, his cheek mushed against your thigh, his eyes closing contentedly when you run your fingers through his dark locks.

You feel your heart thump hard inside your chest again when he crawls back up to you, his mouth pressing against yours before it opens to let his tongue slip inside.

Your movements are hurried as you fiddle with the buttons of his shirt, impatiently blindly progressively getting it open before you’re finally able to slide it off his shoulders.

You hum a soft, reluctant groan into his mouth when you realize he’s wearing an undershirt, meaning that you’ll have to pull apart from his mouth to get it off. He takes care of the task, stripping himself off the tshirt before throwing it across the room, and quickly links your mouths again when he hovers over you, letting out a deep groan when you cup and feel him through his pants. 

You can't help but smile into the kiss when he chases your touch, all but humping your hand before you pull it away to undo his pants, his tongue desperately licking into your mouth when he hurriedly – and a bit messily – strips himself naked. You’re pulled away from his mouth as he looks down when your hand closes around him and pumps his cock, his breath halting, hips thrusting to meet your movements.

Your leg snakes behind him to pull him closer, your chest burning again with anticipation when he takes his cock in hand and aligns with your entrance. You both let out a synchronized groan as he carefully pushes inside, easily sliding in, your sensitive channel slick from your previous orgasms, but still tight around him. 

He’s gentle as he starts to thrust in, hand firmly planted besides your head, teeth sunk into his bottom lip in concentration. His vision sways from the alcohol; it was way less noticeable when he had his face in between your legs, when he didn’t have to use the rest of his body, when he didn’t have to rely on balance.

His eyes close when your hand cups his cheek, fingers softly scratching his beard while you whisper praises he’s far too gone to truly take into account, too lost in the feeling of your cunt softly contracting around him. His thrusts grow more and more desperate as he goes, less precise, the muscles of his thighs twitching as the familiar feeling quickly starts to gather inside his stomach, exhaling moans like laying in bed with you is a one time opportunity, like it’s the last time he’s ever gonna do this.

“Not gonna last long,” he mumbles dazedly between breaths before you quickly assure him that it’s okay, your hand cupping the back of his neck to pull his face close to yours again.

His tongue mingles with yours in a heated, desperate kiss before he pulls away and sinks his head against your shoulder, huffing out a loud breath when he feels himself getting close, trying not to tip over the edge before you do.

“Come on dove, come on” he begs you, his warm breath fanning over your neck when one of his hands gently holds onto your waist.

He feels like a lucky bastard that you come just seconds before he does; you let a soft cry out as your last orgasm hits you, this one softer than the two previous ones, feeling like a warmth washing through you as Llewyn stills when he reaches his end and spills inside you, eyes rolling back as a soft groan escapes his lips.

His body crumbles over yours as he lets out a loud sigh, pressing small kisses to your cheek, fingers softly running along your arm.

You want to give the affection back to him, want to kiss him until he's out of breath, but all your body does is close your eyes; Llewyn has drawn all the energy out of you, he has loved you until you became numb.

You instinctively know it's early in the morning when your mind awakes, an unpleasant heaviness clouding your head from the alcohol, and a soft ache between your thighs. You hum softly in your still half asleep state, turning around and changing positions to get more comfortable, reaching for the man you spent the night with, hoping you could snuggle to him.

Your eyes are still shut as you reach for Llewyn, your hand only passing along the ruffles and creases of the fitted sheets of your bed.

Your eyes eventually open when you know you have to come to terms with the fact that he’s gone, he’s fucking gone again.

— 

You don’t know how it has happened again when you only wanted to address the issue at first, still mad at him when he knocked and when you opened the door, still mad that he had left like you were just a meaningless one night stand the other night, someone he would never see or hear about again.

But then he seemed so exhausted, so out of it and so crushed by every responsibility resting over his shoulders that you figured it would be better to bother him with the question later instead of overburdening him now.

Then things slipped, again. So fast and so casually at once, like it was simultaneously the right and wrong thing to do. 

You don’t know why he’s in your bed again, but maybe on your part you do, because you will have to one day just admit that you love him.

You can’t help but feel like you’re missing something regarding him. Why is he in your bed again, sober, head resting over your chest and arms tightly wrapped around your waist if it was all the alcohol’s fault that you stepped further into your relationship the other night? Why is he in your bed again if he regretted it last time and felt he had to run away, again?

You swallow thickly as those questions overwhelmingly cloud your mind, trying to chase them away when you continue to absentmindedly run your fingers through his soft, long curls. It’d be a damn mood breaker to trap him into questions like while you’re still enjoying your respective post-high haze, and you would pass as too fucking ungrateful after the things you have just done, but you have to know why he acts like this, why he runs away but somehow always comes back.

“Llewyn,” his name weakly comes out of your mouth, your fingers stopping in their trail. You can hear your own breathing when you await his response, which eventually never comes. 

He's sound asleep; it'll wait, again.

—

You had almost forgotten Llewyn had been there last night when you wake up to the sound of ruffling around the bedroom.

The only source of light in your room is the full moon light seeping through your window, faint but present enough to make you aware of your surroundings.

Llewyn is standing on the other side of the room, gathering his clothes scattered around the room that you so carelessly threw aside when in a hurry last night.

“What’re you doing” you mumble sleepily as you roll over his side of the bed, arm extending as if to reach for him. He looks over at you like a deer caught in headlights, stopping as his pants are already halfway slid up his thighs.

“I uh, I have to head out” he replies in a low mutter as he resumes his action, approaching and shoving in his pocket the pack of cigarettes laying on the bedside table.

“Don’t,” his gaze darts back at you as you speak, stopping in his movements, in fear that he might have heard it wrong. “Stay” you demand, almost beg as you look up at him, almost all ready to go and leave you hanging like always. He exhales softly and sits down over the edge of the bed, hand reaching out to you to brush your hair back from your face. “Please.” you add, tiredly blinking.

“Okay.” he simply declares in a soft whisper, fingers gently tracing your face. Your eyes close as you lean into his touch, sleep still holding a tight grasp over you.

“Why do you keep leaving” you monotonically, weakly ask, your tone successfully translating the hurt you feel. “All the time” 

He halts and pulls away from you, like your reproach suddenly makes him undeserving of touching you. He takes some time before answering, and you're almost lulled back to sleep before the sound of his voice brings you back to reality and makes you open your eyes again. “I don't want you to think I'm doing all this just for a bed to sleep in” he explains, lips pinching skeptically.

You huff out softly, nuzzling against your arm. “It makes me think you're doing this just for a vagina to stick your dick in, Llewyn.”

“Shit, yeah. I'm sorry” he scoffs and sighs, looking out the window in reflection before looking back at you. “It's just– It's the whole opposite. I care about you. I don't wanna fuck this up” he declares, his hand coming to rest over your extended arm. “I didn't start right, I know. I’m sorry angel.” he pauses, softly chewing on his bottom lip. “I thought it was the right thing to do.”

You exhale, somehow ironically relieved that it's only this, that you're not the main part of the problem, that he actually wants you as much as you do. Your stomach flutters at the feeling of his thumb softly rubbing your bare skin, and you weakly but softly smile when you finally look back up at him.

“I only ever wanted you to stay” you mutter, hand reaching to cover his over your arm.

He tiredly smiles back at you, at last erasing the conflicted frown over his face.

“I only ever wanted to stay.”

—

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[fazedlight]

Scent (fluffy supercorp ficlet, post-6)

She… she had done nothing wrong. Catholic guilt is a bitch.

Those were the thoughts in Lena’s head as she wandered down the hallway to Kara’s apartment - cookies in hand, freshly showered, ready for a movie night that would no doubt result in the two women cuddling in bed together as they fell asleep, Lena agonizing over what could never happen with her straight best friend.

Things felt so settled now, so final. Oddly calm after Lex and Nyxly had been dragged to the phantom zone. Kara and Lena had worked so hard to repair their friendship - and with each step closer they took, the pain in Lena’s chest would flare, the desire to want something more and knowing she could never have it.

Her friendship had rebuilt with Andrea, too. It took practice, learning to forgive, learning to see the fears and circumstances that can drive one to do unforgivable things. But it only felt right, to learn to give others grace, for all the grace her friends had given her.

She didn’t expect to fall into bed with Andrea that morning. It felt like an apology, an absolution. It felt like a way to calm her desperate body down before she went to see Kara. And in the aftermath, it had been clear to both Lena and Andrea that this wasn’t a flame that could be rekindled. But there was kindness and there was friendship, and there was a tranquility as Lena approached Kara’s door.

The knob turned when Lena was three steps away, Kara opening the door with her characteristic smile, clearly having picked up on Lena’s heartbeat or footsteps with her superhearing. It made something warm and fuzzy bubble up in Lena’s chest, how eager Kara was to see her.

“Hey!” Kara said cheerfully, as Lena stepped inside, Kara’s arms going around Lena’s shoulders in a hug, Lena grabbing tightly in return as Kara continued, “So I was thinking we could watch Labyrinth? It’s classic, Davie Bowie and puppets-”

And then Kara froze.

Lena frowned in confusion, stepping back as their hug suddenly finished, Kara’s eyes darting between Lena’s with a shocked expression, a hint of red rising in her cheeks. 

“Darling? Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah,” Kara said, shaking off her sudden nerves like a dog. “Uh. Movie?” Kara said, her demeanor almost back to normal.

Lena smiled - confused, but sufficiently soothed. “Labyrinth sounds fine.”

So they popped some popcorn, unpacked the cookies Lena brought, and took their seats on the couch for the movies to begin. But… something was off, Kara somehow tucked to the opposite side, only their feet lightly touching instead of the usual cuddling up against each other, arms wrapped around or someone’s head on someone’s thigh.

Lena looked up as the movie played, missing the warmth, wondering where the familiarity had suddenly gone. Kara’s eyes were on the screen, but it seemed her mind was wondering, and Lena was itching to know why.

Lena turned back to the TV, letting the movie play, her mind searching. Kara had seemed totally normal in the Tower the previous day, when they had decided on a movie night. And normal when she opened the door, even. Until they hugged…

Oh.

Lena could feel the tempo of her heart increase, as she mulled the possibilities. Superstrength, yes. But also superhearing. Supervision…

Fuck.

“Lena?” Kara asked, her eyes - now concerned - on the brunette, no doubt due to Lena’s racing heartbeat. “Are you okay?”

Lena leaned forward, grabbing the remote and pausing the movie, before leaning back again. 

“You… you have superscent?” Lena asked, eyes firmly on the coffee table rather than Kara’s face. But she didn’t need to look to know that Kara’s eyes were widening.

“I, um…”

“Even…” Lena swallowed. “Even after I showered…”

“It’s barely there, Lena,” Kara said softly. “And it’s not my business.”

The gentleness in Kara’s voice finally gave Lena the bravery to look up. “I- I don’t have to spend the night, Kara,” Lena whispered.

Kara’s eyes widened. “No! No, Lena, it’s not- it doesn’t bother me-”

“It does,” Lena said simply. “That- that’s okay, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable-”

“I’m not uncomfortable!”

“You’re all the way across the couch,” Lena said dryly.

Kara’s shoulders fell, in seeming realization - that in her pensive state, she hadn’t been as physically affectionate as usual, she had pulled back instead - “Oh Rao, Lena, that’s not what I meant.”

Lena bit at her lip, looking down, swallowing hard in an effort to remain composed. I should go home.

“It’s just, I thought you were straight, and…”

“I get it, Kara.”

“And I’m jealous.”

Lena blinked, looking back up, to a Kara whose face was red with embarrassment but whose eyes were clear with resolve. Kara had long ago promised to stop hiding things, as uncomfortable as it may be, and Lena knew how hard Kara was fighting against her instincts. “There is nothing wrong with you,” Kara said vehemently. “I just need to get my feelings for you under control. That’s all.”

Feelings for me? Lena blinked again. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” Kara asked, confused.

“Don’t get your feelings under control.”

Kara’s brow crunched, confusion, before shifting into the slightest tinge of hope. “But you’re with-”

“I’m not. And we were both very clear on that. I’m not with her. It was a goodbye more than anything.”

“Oh,” Kara said, her eyes widening, the hope turning into the barest hint of a smile. “Really?”

“Really,” Lena said firmly.

Kara shifted a bit on the couch. “I-” She looked down on her knees, thoughtful. “I’m going to ask you out tomorrow. Properly. With flowers and everything.” Lena grinned. “I’m going to say yes.”

Kara glanced up, smiling back. “Movie?”

“Of course.”

Lena pressed play again, the two falling into their normal habits - Kara’s head ending up in Lena’s lap, as Lena combed her fingers through her hair, before they eventually ended up in bed, for their very last platonic sleepover.

[biblio-smia]

“sharing a pillow and waking up with their faces only centimetres apart“ with clapton davis <3 maybe if it could be like a long time crush thing and they had to share a bed at a sleepover or something? idk whatever u feel like!! tyy :)

this is so cute i got kind of carried away,, enjoy! | part of v’s 800 follower celebration!

riley jones's birthday bash is less of an extravaganza and more of an excuse to sit around with your friends and eat too much junk food. it's not some crazy party but you all like it better that way, joking and laughing under a pile of blankets in the living room with a forgotten movie in the background. riley's birthday presents sit in the corner in a mess of gift bags and tissue paper. party hats were scattered around the room, left wherever they were taken off after the tight elastic became too unbearable (you could still spot some marks under a few chins).

it takes the clock to strike 10:38 and for ione to start dozing off on riley's shoulder for her to call for the sleepover portion of the party. you all file in to riley's room to retrieve the overnight bags you'd left in there at the beginning of the night, taking turns for the bathroom.

by the time everyone has changed into their pajamas, ione is insisting that she's awake enough for a few party games like had been originally planned.

the three of you comply, though not without a few teasing comments thrown ione's way.

the four of you sit in a circle with a card game spread out in front of you, though the competitiveness has died down as the game went on and no one is taking it too seriously anymore.

"wait, wait, wait," ione stops in the middle of her turn, her head resting on riley's shoulder as she reads the text riley's just gotten over her shoulder. "why is sander im'ing you right now?"

this captures your and clapton's attention. "dude, you still haven't blocked him?" you ask riley exasperatedly.

"well, i feel bad!"

"i don't," ione says, grabbing riley's phone. she doesn't actually hit any buttons on riley's phone, but she keeps it safe in her lap.

"he still seriously thinks he has a chance with you, riley." you reach over clapton's legs to steal some of the chips he had been eating. "it's getting kind of concerning."

"he's not that bad," clapton chimes in, leaning back on his elbows.

"you don't hear him in english," you groan.

"he's the worst," ione agrees before turning back to riley. "you're stronger than me.

"he is pretty annoying," clapton admits, glancing back at you before looking at the cards in front of him. "hey, whose turn was it?"

cards get thrown into the middle when no one can quite remember and you begin to stack them into one pile while everyone keeps talking.

"are you guys ready to sleep?" riley asks, raising her arms to stretch.

"what? no!" ione protests right before yawning.

you all laugh at her while she rolls her eyes.

the four of you squeeze very unnecessarily into riley's narrow bathroom to brush your teeth, practically shoulder to shoulder with each other. you're focusing on not elbowing anyone when clapton puts his head on your shoulder.

"cap-ton!" you groan around your toothbrush. "ef you geh toofpaste on me...!"

clapton only flashes you a threatening blue-foam grin, so you pause your brushing to flick him on the forehead. thankfully, he's off of you to spit out the toothpaste in his mouth - no longer having the chance to make your stomach queasy.

riley and ione slip into riley's room but riley comes back with an armful of extra pillows, accompanying you and clapton to the living room. you let clapton do the work of picking up the mess you'd all made earlier, splitting the weight of the coffee table with riley as you move it. riley pulls out the bottom of the big couch she has until it has extended into a mattress that she decorates with a gray fitted sheet.

"okay," riley huffs as she emerges victorious from her fight with the mattress. "do you two need any more blankets?"

you glance at the huge pile the four of you have left sprawled all over the couch. "i think we're good."

ione emerges into the living room, twisting the final pieces of a loose braid together, wearing one of riley's hoodies.

it is a little cold now that the sun has set and there aren't as many people in the living room but you're sure you'll be fine after a blanket or two.

"goodnight!" riley and ione both call with a wave, ione wrapping her arms around riley's back as they head back into her room.

you wave back with a smile until they can't see anymore, yawning as you turn back to clapton.

"okay," you say, stifling a second one. "you're sleeping on the floor."

clapton scoffs. "what? there's not even enough space for me to!"

you shrug, even though clapton is right, fluffing one of the pillows riley gave you before dropping onto it tiredly.

"you go on one end, i'll stay on the other." clapton stands at the opposite edge, pillow in hand like a kid. "please?"

"fine." your voice is monotone but your heart beats wildly; you're worried that clapton will be able to hear it if he gets too close.

you can see him from your peripheral; when he disappears, you can feel him sink in next to you.

the opposite ends idea is a joke. you can feel clapton's arm right next to yours. there's probably only a few inches of space between the two of you, and that was being generous.

"move your head," clapton groans, trying to get comfortable.

"get your own pillow!"

"there's no space."

you sigh but comply, sitting up to split the pillow evenly between the two of you.

"thank you," clapton mumbles, twisting around in his spot.

he's even closer now, his shoulder practically bumping yours. his fingers are dangerously close to yours and it's incredibly late in the night; a few seconds longer like this and you might do something stupid like hold his hand. you can see clapton's chest rise and fall softly from your peripheral. he's not asleep yet; you're worried he might try to talk to you.

you force your eyes to stop trying to steal glances at him and will your body to roll over, back to clapton. he seems to have the same idea, turning around with his back to you.

there had been something there, undoubtedly - it had scared both of you and sent you both spiraling to think of anything other than each other.

"goodnight," you manage to hear clapton vaguely mumble. you lean over momentarily, just to shove his shoulder lightly.

"goodnight."

fortunately, you're asleep almost instantly.

unfortunately, sleep does not guarantee any escape from clapton davis.

your eyes flutter open, sunlight too obnoxious and you slowly blink the haziness in your eyes away. the first thing you see is clapton's face, eye level with yours. his eyes are shut and you notice how long his eyelashes are. the next thing you notice are the light spread of freckles adorning his skin.

you don't make any moves to get up, only vaguely aware of your proximity to clapton in your eighty-per-cent-asleep state.

you watch shamelessly as his eyes slowly open unnaturally, in a way that tells you he was already awake. the two of you lie there, unmoving, staring. you watch as clapton's eyes take in your eyes, your nose, stop at your lips for a second too long. you're looking at his hair, a little messy from the night, and you wonder if clapton tosses and turns a lot in his sleep.

you don't have a chance to think about it, or about the implications of clapton pretending to be asleep once he heard the pattern of your breathing change as you woke up, as ione's voice calls out from somewhere behind you.

"are you guys finally awake? we've been up forever. we have breakfast ready!"

that gets you moving, the smells from the kitchen finally beginning to waft to your nose. you throw the blankets on top of you off and clapton follows you closely as you head into the bathroom to brush your teeth.

"go' mornin," clapton says from around his toothbrush.

"good morning," you repeat after you've spit some out into the sink.

meanwhile, the two girls you've left behind in the kitchen stare at the photo ione has taken, giggling quietly.

"oh, they'll definitely be dating by next week," riley scoffs.

ione grins, pocketing her phone as she hears you kick clapton out of the bathroom. "wanna bet?"

[concreteangel92]

Thou Shalt Not Kill - Chapter 9

AU Noah Sebastian x female reader

18+

Summary: Reader is a detective and is assigned to a murder case which she soon connects with previous killings and figures out the religious affiliation, proving there is a new serial killer within the city. Reader soon becomes obsessed with the killers mind and methods and won’t rest until she figures out who the killer is. All while she gets used to working with her new partner on the case, detective Noah Davis.

Warnings: talks of death, talks of murder/killings, use of religion, the starting of stockholm syndrome

Right, I really shouldn’t have to write this but I’m giving fair warning now!!

In this chapter we once again MENTION the passing of someone close to Noah (this AU version of Noah!) it’s been briefly used before and no one had any issues with it.

However I am aware of a lot of drama with another account who has used the death of someone who was close to Noah within their story. I’m going to clarify that I have not read this story, I do not intend to read that story and I have no interaction with this person anymore so I really don’t know the details or how much this trauma has been used but from what I’ve seen/heard, it caused a huge uproar.

My dad passed away 10 years ago, I fully understand the soul destroying pain and would never use something so carelessly! But it’s a huge detail that needs to be here. I can assure everyone that it shouldn’t be mentioned again (unless necessary!) and I hope it doesn’t cause any offence, I’m not going into details in this chapter at all, simply mentioning it to help the story progress.

I hope everyone can understand this and I really don’t want any negative comments, an adult discussion is fine if you really need to talk but not these petty trolls that I’ve been seeing please and no passive aggressive posts, they are childish, just message me if you have an issue

Thank you and I hope you enjoy!!

Tags: @Ima1986 @hayleylatour @reyadawn @thatchickwiththecamera @calleyx13 @english-fucker @darling-millicent-aubrey @malerieee @ithoughtbynowidfeelbetter @softvgold @lilhobgobbler @glccmreid @badomensls @madomens @loeytuan98 @iluvmewwwww75 @rosebushjhj @livingdeceasedgirl @lilrubles @samanthasgone @blackveilomens @hellayeahsworld @lookwhatitcost @doomhands-jr @nojoyontheburn @poisongirl616 @bakanerd @sacredthefran @flowery-mess

MASTERLIST

Chapter Index

9 days had gone by, just over a week you’d been stuck in this basement.

It was the same routine most days, Noah would bring you food or make sure a sandwich and drinks were left for you if he knew he wouldn’t be around, you assumed he was still going to work. Noah had mentioned it once that he was keeping up appearances but for how long was anyone’s guess.

Of course your work believed that you were ‘on leave’ so why would they be looking for you? You would have assumed someone would have tried to get hold of you by now but you were sure Noah has probably taken care of that, he was too smart to make any small mistakes and he kept any conversations like that to a minimum.

Noah had taken the time to bring a load of your clothes and toiletries from your apartment, clearly knowing you’d be here awhile. The days were very long at first, you had nothing to simulate your mind, you actually started looking forward to Noah coming in just so you had someone to talk too.

The times when Noah was here, he sat and ate with you normally, acting like you really were just two friends having a catch up, it was almost unnerving how normal it was.

The first few days you’d spent screaming out but no one heard or came, clearly he wasn’t lying about it being soundproofed. You’d analysed the room a thousand times, trying to figure a way out. The window was far too high for you to reach and even if you could, it was too small for you to fit through.

You’d tried to think of ways to over power Noah when he came in but thinking of all the cases and how strong he must truly be to have executed them, you knew that would be suicide.

Once you’d realised that all chances of an escape were slim, you started to accept your fate, you were completely at Noah’s mercy.

In a strange way, you almost relaxed after that, what was the point in stressing out about something you couldn’t change at this stage, you decided it was better to save your energy and strength for when you needed it, you were sure that an opportunity would present itself when the time was right.

The days had become very long after this however, you had counted every crack in the ceiling, tried to get lost in day dreams in your mind but that only worked for so long.

So now seeing Noah was a breath of fresh air within your day.

Noah had been nothing but the perfect gentleman, he made sure you had all the food and drinks needed, he even brought down fresh bedding for you and took away your dirty clothes to bring them back all clean and folded. He made sure you had clean towels for the shower room that was down here. It was almost like he took pride in looking after you.

“He’s holding you hostage you idiot! This ain’t a holiday hotel!”

Noah would talk about most things with you, he’d discuss history, music, art. He was actually so much more interesting and intelligent than you’d ever realised now you were seemingly getting to know him better, although he was very careful about certain subjects such as the case, work, etc.

Today you were lying on your bed, in your mind you were thinking about your favourite holiday that you’d been on, it felt like a life time ago now but you tried to relive it day by day, picturing that you were anywhere but here in this dark basement.

You heard the sound of footsteps so you sat yourself up, maybe a bit quicker then you should have. The door opened and in walked Noah.

“Afternoon angel, how are you doing?”

You decided to be honest with him.

“Bored, I’m so bored. If you’re going keep me here, can I at least have something to do when you’re not here! There’s only so many cracks around the room I can count before I’ve memorised them”

Noah smiled slightly as your attempt at some humour and nodded.

“Actually I’ve brought you some things today. I realised you must be bored with nothing much to do so I picked up some things from your apartment”

With that, Noah lifted up the bag he’d been carrying and he pulled out some of your books from home and an old radio. The gesture actually taking you back.

“I…uhh…thank you”

“Can’t have that brilliant mind going lazy on me now can we?”

You couldn’t help but laugh with him.

•••••

A couple more days had passed, very much the same as before but this time you actually had stuff to keep you occupied during the days.

Noah was still acting like this was a normal situation, there was no mention of the case or anything over the last few days.

There was one thing about the case that still bothered you however, something you hadn’t dared bring up to Noah incase it triggered a bad reaction. But today you decided you had nothing to lose by talking to him about it. So you waited until he came in with dinner for both of you and you were sat eating together before you approached the subject.

“Noah…can I ask you a question? I need to know something”

Noah’s brown eyes met yours as you clearly peaked his interest, he tilted his head as he looked over you.

“Depends what it is but go on”

You took a breath, moving your food to the side and you tried to make sure you worded everything very carefully.

“Your first victim, Anthony…who was he to you?”

Noah’s expression had become harder to read as he stared at you.

You watched him lick his lips before he answered with a small smirk.

“Still not figured that out detective?”

You shook your head.

“I didn’t really have the time….from what I read however, I assume he was the first. ‘Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images’ but who was he to you? That kill seemed more….personal and it was….different….to the others”

Noah didn’t say a word, he simply ran his eyes over your face but you noticed the relax expression from before was gone.

“He’s a killer…not my friend”

He stood up from his position on the bed and paced slowly, almost like he was calculating his next words.

You felt every nerve in your body on edge, you knew the risk of pushing this man but you’ve done it anyways.

“Anthony Jackson was my first kill, and you’re right, he was different….more sloppy I’d say….I’ve definitely improved on my work since”

Noah stalked closer towards you so you made the point of standing up, mostly so he wasn’t completely towering over you.

“You really want to know angel? Very well. My first kill was the man responsible for the death of my father”

Your mouth fell open in shock at his words and you listened intently to what he had to say.

“After all those years of never knowing who was responsible, when I became a police officer I managed to do some digging and I eventually found him” Noah’s face became very hard as he carried on. “It wasn’t easy, but when I realised it was him, I knew I couldn’t let him go. Would you believe that Anthony was a religious man? And yet he got away with murder, it wasn’t fair that he ruined my life and just carried on living his unpunished!”

Noah was stood in front of you now but you didn’t move away, you now understood, you understood why he started this in first place.

“You said you were raised religious…did you stop believing the da��that day?”

“Yes. I knew that there was no such thing as a god if he could take everything away from me”

You nodded as you took it all in, still be very careful not to provoke him.

“I didn’t do anything for years and years, but once I found him, I knew what my purpose was. As I said, I’ll admit it was more sloppy but that’s what they call a ‘crime of passion’ after all”

You were still putting all the pieces together within your mind, all of it was truly starting to make sense now…apart from one thing.

“If he was ‘thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images’ then why his heart? I can understand the fact he was religious but had murdered someone, from the crime scene photo I saw in that email, I could see religious items in the background. But I don’t understand why the heart was your main focus?”

Noah couldn’t seem to stop the sinister smile from spreading on his lips.

“He ripped my heart out so I simply returned the favour”

The memory of your own dad’s passing suddenly felt so fresh in your chest. You couldn’t help but reach your hand out to touch his, the action causing his eyes to follow your movements, clearly not anticipating it.

“I’m so sorry”

For a brief moment, you actually thought you saw genuine emotion in his eyes at your words. You understood the pain of losing a father young and in such a cruel way.

“He was the beginning of my work, it was poorly executed, but it was what gave me my inspiration, to send a message in the most profound way possible and I’ve nearly done it”

Noah raised his hand to your face and ran his fingers over your cheek gently.

“The thing is angel, we are the same me and you, you get me, you’re the only person on my level. You’re just like me”

Your brows scrunched together as you took in his words, in some ways, you knew he was right but the other part of you knew you shouldn’t listen.

“You know I’m right, even if you try to deny it”

You subconsciously leaned your head into his hand as you mulled over his words. You both had gone through terrible things in life, no one really understood you, especially at work. Noah always believed in you, he knew you could do the job better than most.

Looking up you noticed he had his shirt unbuttoned and his tattoo across his neck was on full display, it was then when you truly noticed the religious symbolism.

Without thinking you brought your hand up to his skin and traced the ink with your fingers, hearing his breath catch slightly as you did.

“Easy angel”

You looked back up into his eyes to see they had dilated, your fingers rested on the side of his neck, your stomach twisted in knots. You didn’t even really know what you were feeling as it was all mixed up together in your mind.

Noah leant his down to you and pressed his lips against yours, he was gentle at first but when you didn’t immediately pull away, his other hand wrapped around the back of your neck and he pulled your body against his.

“Wrong, wrong, so very wrong!”

Noah pulled away, his hands still holding onto you as he stared down at you.

“I shouldn’t be doing this”

Noah smiled at yours words and started to stroke your hair before he pressed one more kiss onto your lips.

“Says who? I am starving, you’re starving. I can taste it on you. Who says this is wrong?”

You continued to gaze up at him, your mind in complete overdrive.

“I…I can help you Noah”

“I really wish you could angel”

And with that Noah turned and walked out of the room, the locking sound ringing in your ears.

[anangelinthepit]

Without You…

Part 4

Warning ⚠️ - possessive behavior and break in. Uncomfortable topics

************************************************

Noah’s POV

“Oh Ruby, you forgot who you were married to didn’t you ?”

I pushed the guys off of me and let out a frustrated yell. Even though I’m pissed off, I couldn’t help but begin to laugh. One man with all my power doesn’t take losing control gently and welcomes the sweet insanity that follows.

“My wife,” I said looking up at the old broken down building she resided in.

“MY WIFE. The one who is carrying MY son threw me out of her house. This isn’t fucking happening. IM THE ONE WHO CALLS THE FUCKING SHOTS AROUND THIS BITCH.”

After punching the brick wall and kicking over trash cans, the voice of reason began to try and calm my anger.

“Dude, what the fuck was that?” Nick said in a demanding tone

“A conversation between me and the Mrs,” I said lighting a cigarette

“Noah she’s fucking six months pregnant, what were you planning on doing?”

“Oh please, I wasn’t gonna put my hands on her, but she needs to remember who fucking makes the rules around here. Nick, she shouldn’t be in this shady ass fucking apartment with some bitch she barely knows. I didn’t even have to get rid of her forcefully she was willing to run off and sleep with you. What does that tell you ?”

“It tells me that you’ve gone fucking insane and need to rethink what just happened. The woman you love fears you and doesn’t want anything to do with you. Do you have any idea what it takes to stand up to a person like you?”

“Person like me? I’m her fucking husband! She should obey and respect me!”

“You should be fucking thankful you had a woman like her Noah! Whatever happened to be calm or did that just fly out the fucking window?” Nick said crossing his arms

“I tried that Nick, but it seems like my wife forgot that I’m the only one in the relationship who is supposed to have a set of fucking balls!”

“Dude I may be your henchman but I’m also your best friend and I’m telling you this because I care about you. What you did in there just pushed her even further away. You are going to push her into the wrong fucking arms. She is to the point where the only way you’re going to get her back now is if you force her.”

I looked up at Nick and smiled at him. It’s almost like he read my mind.

“Force?” I said to myself

Feeling a sensation of happiness l and pure heat come over me, I gave myself a friendly and encouraging reminder.

I’m the strongest man in fucking California right now. Why didn’t I think of this before? I’ve got all the money, power, and men to control a fucking army. What is stopping me from bringing my wife home?

“No. NO. Noah don’t you fucking dare.” Nick said glaring at me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“Call up Davis and tell him to meet us at the hotel. Ruby is coming home.” I said flicking my cigarette.

“I really gotta watch my fucking words from now on.”

We made our way back to the hotel with Davis and Matt waiting. The only thing I could think about was how my wife was gonna be begging for me to let her come home after all of this. She'll be at my feet, asking for my forgiveness. Of course, I'll have to play hard to get but the least I can do is give in a little.

“You got the blueprints of the building Davis?”

“No, but you’re not gonna need them. This building only has two exits and get this, Sapphire is 1 of 4 other tenants. The damn place is so old you could pull apart the bricks piece by piece.”

“That's it?”

“Yup”

“So what’s the plan here boss?” Matt asked

I took a deep breath and contemplated on if this was a good idea. As much as I hate causing her so much discomfort, this is my only option. I’ll change my ways but first, she needs to come back home to me. She doesn’t understand how much I truly need her, and if she could just stop being stubborn and open her fucking eyes she would see that.

If she won’t come home willing then I’m gonna show her how scary the world is without me there to protect her.

“In two days you guys are going to pay Y/N a visit.”

“What kind of visit?” Nick asked

“You’ll see.”

Nick got up and walked away in disgust. I don't know what his problem is lately but he's turning soft on me. I'm gonna need him to toughen up a bit if he wants to stick with this family.

“Davis go fucking talk to him. I don't have time to give the princess treatment right now.”

Davis grunted and went outside to catch up with Nick. I don't have time for his emotional bullshit. Right now I need to get my Ruby back home and make sure she stays there. Permanently

Nick's POV

“He doesn't fucking deserve her goddamit!”

I yelled throwing a trash can and kicking the remnants that fell. God if only he fucking knew. Does he not understand? He had a good woman next to him and he gave it up for all this bullshit. I lit a cigarette and tried to calm my nerves while Davis came out and asked me if I was okay.

“I'm fine dude I just need a minute.”

“Well, Noah told me to tell you to toughen up.

I laughed at what Davis said, it's so obvious that Noah is wrapped in his world and doesn't have time to be gentle in nurturing anyone. How is that man going to take care of a baby? Y/N was smart to run.

“He doesn't deserve her Davis. You know it and I know it.”

“It's not my business Nick. I work for the man.”

“This can't be happening,” I said dragging my fingers through my hair

“I do know one thing though, if you keep running your mouth and don't control that serpent that's in your pants, He's gonna make me cut it off and force you to watch..”

I couldn't help but scoff at him.

“You know don’t you?” I asked

“Seriously? Are you trying to get me killed too? If I admit what I know then we’re both in deep shit. I don’t like the way he treats her either but overstepping boundaries with him is not something I have the balls to do. I don’t think you realize you dug your own grave, Nick.”

I looked up at the sky for answers but as always received nothing. Did I make a mistake? What am I gonna do when he finds out and will I be able to handle him?

“I don’t know if I can pretend anymore.”

“Look dude, fake it till you make it. Fuck some other girl or smoke some weed. I don't care, just figure it out. Also, don't make me a fucking accomplice to whatever Lifetime movie bullshit you got going on. Got it?”

I flicked my cigarette and went back inside. I’m gonna have to keep this bullshit cover-up for a little while longer, and even though it kills me, I’m willing to do it.

I’m willing to do anything for her.

Noah and Matt were talking but stood abruptly and stared at me when I walked into the room. I’ll play my card right and keep the poker face that I’m so good at having on.

“I'm ready for whatever you need me for Boss.”

Noah shot me a smirk and waved me over. Hearing them talk over the plan made my gut turn, but having to agree with it was even worse.

Poison on my fucking tongue

Two days later

Y/N’s POV

I’m still feeling shaken up about what happened. I couldn't focus at work and Sapphire began to notice I was dwelling on how things needed between Noah and me. I’ve never seen him get so angry at me, now of course we had our fights but what I witnessed was what I can only consider as maximum rage. I used to think he would never lay his hands on me but him flipping that table the way he did now has me second-guessing. Six months pregnant and he almost put me in harm's way.

“You’re fucking mine!”

“I'm not his fucking wife, I'm his goddamn property,” I said to myself shaking my head. Why the hell did I ever agree to this?

The moonlight shined down on me after another shitty night at the bar. I waved goodbye to my boss and made the drive home. Still feeling on edge I got to the apartment and was met once again with silence. I began to get nervous as I called out for Sapphire, I heard nothing until I went towards her room and could hear her shower running. Having a wave of relief come over me, I went into my room and tried to wind down for the night. Sitting down on the bed trying to massage my swollen feet, I realized skipping out on a shared probably wasn’t in my best interest. I smelled like sweat and unwanted married men's hormones crawling all over me. I let out a huge sigh and made my way to the bathroom when I got a text.

It was from Sapphire

Sapphire

Hey, I met this really cute guy, so I'm gonna chill at his place 2night. Wish me luck ;)

Me

Oh so is that why you're in the shower? Lmfao gurll you do you. Just careful

I smiled and just shook my head at my bestie's promiscuous ways. I figured I should offer her a ride to this guy's house because I don't want her walking and it also gives me an excuse to go get Chinese food. As I made my way to her bedroom door, I received another text.

Sapphire

The shower? Girl I wish, my boss is making me close 2night so I still have another two hours left.

What…

Feeling my heart drop into my fucking stomach, I read over her message about 10 times. I frantically texted her back telling her that someone was in our apartment and what I should do.

Just like in a horror movie with an awful plot. The lights cut out in the fucking apartment, I wanted to scream but was too scared to do so. I slowly began to move away from her door and tried my hardest to make my way back to my bedroom to call the police. I began to back up, trying to not make myself noticeable to whoever was in her room. I could hear the shower water cut off, it was almost like the intruder was listening for my footsteps. I wasn't too far from my room when I heard frantic running in Sapphires. Whoever was in there heard me and was now making it their mission to get me. As my fight-or-flight instincts kicked in, I swiftly turned around to flee, only to be met by a tall figure who was as tough as concrete. Being shoved to the ground I began screaming and crying for them not to hurt me.

“Please, I'm pregnant! Don't hurt me I'm begging you!”

I could hear the men laughing as I struggled to back away from them. Not realizing my surroundings I ended up being backed into the wall.

“MY HUSBAND IS NOAH SEBASTIAN DAVIS, IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME HE’LL FUCKING KILL ALL OF YOU!”

Even in pitch-black darkness, I could tell that one of the men was only a couple of inches away from my face. I could feel and smell his hot breath in which I almost began to vomit. He put his hand on my stomach and leaned in to whisper in my ear

“Oh, babydoll.”

Those words cut through me like a knife

“I need you to do me a favor okay?”

I could feel something cold and sharp press against my neck and slid down to expose the cleavage under my shirt

“You tell Noah I said Hello, and if he ever lets you go again, I'm just gonna have to keep you.”

They kissed my forehead which caused me to break out into a cold sweat. God his lips felt dirty and unpure.

“Let's go boys!”

I heard what sounded like 4-5 men walk away from me and go towards my front door. My theory was confirmed when the hallway light shined in illuminating 5 men.

Before closing it, the one masked man gave me the “hush” sign and a creepy smile.

I lay there on the dirty hard wooden floor sobbing and falling apart. Making myself have enough courage and energy to get up and grab the phone. I dialed frantically and prayed he would pick up.

“Ruby?”

“Noah? Oh, thank God. Please listen to me, you have to come get me.

“Ruby, what happened?

“These. These m-men broke into my apartment and shoved me down for the g-ground.”

“Ruby slow down I can't understand you.”

I was shaking uncontrollably but I needed to pull myself together. I took a deep breath brought the phone back up to my ear and explained what happened.

“Noah I think there's a Rival group because they told me to tell you, that they're watching and if you let me go again they're gonna kidnap me. Noah Im so fucking scared please come get me!”

I fell back into hysterics and just wanted my husband. He's a fucking psycho but at least no one messed with me when I was with him.

“Are you and the baby okay?”

“Yes yes, Theo and I are fine. They just shoved me, I was able to catch myself so it wasn't so hard. Just please come get us.”

I heard nothing but silence on the phone. What the fcuk did he hang up on me? God if I can’t rely on him anymore then please protect me and my baby.

“Noah?”

“Do you finally get it, Ruby?”

“What?”

“I said do you finally get it?”

“Baby please stop, just come get me. Please!”

God, why is he making me beg?

“I can't protect you if you run away and try to be “miss independent”. Your life was always good here. If I come and get you, you better not pull this stunt ever again. There will be security in you 24/7 got it?”

I wanted to protest but the sound of phantom footsteps kept psyching me out. I didn't care anymore I just wanted to go home.

“Okay, okay, baby I will never do this again I swear, just please come get us. Noah, I can't do this on my own.”

Noah let out a huge sigh and told me he would be in about 10 minutes. I hurried and gathered my things and waited. Every minute felt like centuries, praying that those monsters wouldn't come back. I got a text from Noah saying he was here and sending Nick up to help me to the car. Oh, why couldn't it have been someone else? I waited for what seemed like forever and started to feel a nervous feeling in the bottom of my gut. I haven't seen Nick in so long, I almost forgot what he looked like. Hearing a pounding on my door, I ran over, took a deep breath, and opened it. I was met with long black hair, beautiful green eyes, and a warm smile that was always so welcoming.

“Nick”

“Y/N”

I don't know what it was but something about his smile made me collapse into his arms and start sobbing. His tight hold on me already made me feel so safe that the thought of letting go hurt.

“I got you, Angel.”

My legs could no longer hold me up and we slid down to the floor together.

“Oh, Nick. Please don't let me go.” I said sobbing into his chest

“You know I have to Angel, he's down there waiting for us.“

Nick caressed my face and made me look at him.

“Be my strong girl for me one more time, okay?

“Okay.”

Nick helped me up and walked me down to the limo. Jolly was waiting for me outside the vehicle and opened the door for me when I closed enough. I got in and could feel the tension in the air once again. Noah sat across from me with an evil look on his face. I'm not sure what I was expecting but this wasn't it. We began to drive and were only 10 minutes away from the house. I couldn't wait to shower and sleep in my bed again. I knew I wouldn't be let off so easily with this, I looked away from the window and saw that Noah was glaring at me while Nick was still facing the other way. I broke the silence and spoke which I should have known was a mistake.

“Thank you.”

Noah leaned forward and said, in a low deep growl.

“Get on your knees”

“Pardon?”

Nick snapped out of his trance and tried to grasp the situation.

“Noah she's six months pregnant, don't do this right now,” Nick begged

“Stay the fuck out of this Nick.” Noah snapped

“I said on your knees, Ruby”

I did as I was told, and got on the limo floor gently going down in my knees.

Noah yanked my chin upward forcing me to look him in the eyes.

“This is how obedient you are going to be from now on. Understand?”

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.

“Yes”

“Get the hell up and sit there. We will talk more when we get back to the house.”

I got back up in the seat and wiped my tears. How is it that I trade one evil for another? I can't keep doing this anymore, I started to regret my decision but now it's too late. I looked over at Nick who was having a stare-down with Noah. I wish he would just look at me and not trouble the waters that we got ourselves into.

I need him right now and I don’t know how much longer I will be able to play pretend.

**********************************************

Hey guys, sorry it took so long. This story really had me wondering what I should do with. I hope you all enjoyed. Love you dearly

-Magenta 🌹

Taglist

@reyadawn @bloodylullaby @fadingintothegrey @aubrey-melinoe @supersquirrel1996 @thisbicc @amelia-acero @dreamstyles @ashdreamsalone @iluvmewwwww75 @lma1986 @concreteemo

[dsireland86]

PANIC ATTACK

Noah Sebastian x Reader

I saw this picture and wrote this quick one-shot based on it. Haven't edited it. Fingers crossed it isn't too horrible.

18+ below the cut

Mentions of anxiety/panic attack, smut, language

The moment was too much. I was spinning out of control. Standing in the center, surrounded by the screams and shrieks of so many girls wanting my attention was ripping me apart from the inside out and I was starting to panic. It wasn't I didn't love what I do, it's just that sometimes it all got a little too much and the fog just wouldn't clear up when I needed it to. My chest was tight. My head was spinning. “Try to breathe, try to focus. Relax." Her words filled my head as the tears began to blur my vision. If only I could get through the moment; get through the darkness and find the source of my stability and peace. If I could get through this panic attack and back into her arms, I’d be okay. 

The screams; they were digging into my soul, demanding things from me I couldn’t give. The lights were too bright, pointing out all my flaws that were looking for shelter from the scrutiny, telling me I wasn't cut out for this and that I needed to give it all up. I couldn’t swallow the demons this time. They were overtaking me now. 

The song ended and I pulled my in-ear out while making my way to the back. The pounding pain in my chest was growing, the air becoming less in my lungs as I walked over to a chair to sit down. The muffled voices of my bandmates were vaguely heard as I sat, trying to rid myself of the panic overtaking me. Hands on my knees, I closed his eyes, breathing in deeply through my nose and letting it out slowly. “I don’t have time for this. The pitch was way off. My in-ear piece isn’t balanced. Why are the lights so bright? They aren’t supposed to be that bright. What’s Matt doing up there? He’s supposed to be watching this shit. Why is my head pounding? I feel like I’m going to puke. Fuck. I can’t breathe. My chest hurts.” I threw my hands to my head, squeezing it to rid it of the noise while trying to steady my breathing. But I was failing short. The thoughts wouldn’t turn off, the feelings would stop, and my heart rate increased making my breathing more forced. Fuck. “I don’t need this right now. Get your shit together Davis. Get it together!” I criticize myself over and over. 

“Noah. Noah, hey! Baby, hey, I’m here. Look at me.” She found me. I knew she would. She always heard my heart calling for her. I was safe. “Noah.” Taking my face delicately between her hands, she lifted it, finding my eyes immediately. “Shit, Noah,” she sighed, dropping to her knees before me and wrapping me up tightly in her arms. My head fell to her shoulder and I buried my face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the familiar scent of the only thing that gave my life meaning. I threw my arms around her, hands pressed flat against the thin black fabric of her tank that barely covered her soft pale skin and revealed the green ivy that ran from one collarbone, up around her shoulder, along the top of her back, down around her other shoulder and stopping at her other collarbone. Many nights we laid naked together, soaked in the glow of the connection and oneness we were building together, and I would trace the vines that wrapped themselves around her with the tip of my finger, feeling the warmth and life of her body. I wanted that right now.

The feeling her hands were giving me as they dragged themselves slowly up and down my back calmed me, soothing my soul and guiding me past the monster that had become too big for me to fight alone. She was my savior; my guiding light in the ocean of his brutal, chaotic darkness. “Just breathe with me, Noah. Just breathe.” Rising to her feet, she threw her legs on either side of my legs, straddling me for a moment before sitting down on my lap and looping her arms around my tattooed neck. I could feel her soft heat pressed tight against my length that, no matter the circumstance, always got hard when she was near me. I grunted while she positioned herself until she was satisfied, bringing her face close to mine. Her cheek brushed over mine, taking on some of the sweat that was dripping from me like rain droplets. That was one thing that never bothered her; how much I’d sweat during shows. She would tell me it only made fucking her easier, especially when we were in a hurry. God what I wouldn’t give to fuck her right now. “Jolly, how much time do we have?” She asked without looking at me, making my heart skip a beat.  A moment passed before Jolly answered. “About eight minutes.” “That’s enough,” she whispered in my ear. Now that I was a little calmer, no longer on the brink of hyperventilating, she got up off me and pulled me to my feet. Taking my hand, she quickly dragged me off towards the back of the venue.

“Where are we going?” I asked, but knowing her, I think I already knew. “I’m taking you to get some release.” My dick twitched beneath my black trousers that were sticky wet with sweat. I stopped, pulling her back, sending her crashing into me. “Right here’s fine,” I clarified, sliding my hand behind her head and pulling her lips into mine and kissing her as if my very existence depended on it. It didn’t take her long to have my pants undone and falling to the floor and my cock that was completely thick and hard for her alone, caught in the grip of her small yet strong hand. She pumped it quickly, back and forth between her vice grip touch. “Fuck, baby,” I breathed, locking her against the wall with both of my arms outstretched and hands press flat against the wall. She continued to work me, sliding her thumb over my sensitive tip and spreading the pre-cum that was seeping out all over. “Oh my god, baby,” I sighed, finally feeling the stress and anxiety roll off my shoulders. My head hung low, loose threads of my hair falling over my eyes as I stared intently and directly into her eyes. “I know you like this,” she confirmed, tightening her grip as I began to thrust hard into her first. “Fuck yeah I like it,” confessing through gritted teeth. She smiled. “I know it was what you needed.” “I just need you.” She grinned licking her lips. “You always have me. Whenever, wherever.”

The way she whispered her words sent ungodly shivers down my spine creating that wildfire desire to claim her right then. “Fuck me,” I growled, taking her by the shoulder. My dick slipped quickly from her hand as I threw her gently over the small table that just happened to be nearby. I took it as a sign. “Bend over and spread your legs,” I ordered, and she willingly complied with a smile, positioning her body in the perfect position. Without a word spoken, I yanked her bottoms down, revealing her small perky ass. I slid my hand over the soft skin, smacking it hard enough to leave my handprint and she squealed, making my throbbing cock twitch, spilling more pre-cum. “You like that didn’t you baby?” She nodded with a whimper. “Yeah, I know you do,” smacking the tender flesh again. “That might leave a mark, but that’s okay. I like marking what’s mine.” This time her whimper turned it into a beautiful moan, making my stomach flutter. “That’s it, princess, fucking moan for me. Tell me how this feels." I bend over her and insert two long fingers at a time inside her soaking wet cunt that was mine.

Fucking her with just my fingers for a few seconds, which pulled more beautiful moans from her, I pulled them out, wiping her juices on my dick. With my hand pressed firmly on the middle of her back, I raised her up just enough until I was aligned perfectly with her opening and entered her, ravaging her pussy like it was my last time. Groaning the moment my cock slipped into her and felt her inner walls rub up against it, I threw my head back and grabbed her hips, guiding her sweet pussy back and forth as I rutted against her walls. “Motherfucker, that’s it baby, cry for me.” Her noises were empowering, melting away every negative feeling. The sound of smacking flesh became the only thing I could hear besides the enticing sounds falling from her lips. “You look so fucking good like this, baby, bent over and vulnerable. Do you have any idea what you do to me? What just the thought of your pussy and how it feels when I slide my dick in and out of it!” I grunted, a deep growl escaping quickly after. “Noah,” she whined, slamming her palms on the table to help brace herself. “Noah, harder,” she panted. “I need you to go harder. Go deeper baby, please,” she begged. I gave her what she begged for. Fucking her a brutal pace, I tore her cunt apart, releasing every anxious feeling, every fucked up thought I had about myself into her and expecting her to take it. “Goddamn you’re fucking take me so good, baby girl,” I growled. Reaching around her front, I wrapped my large hand around her small throat, tightening my grip until her noises came out in only choked sobs. Her arousal soaked my cock buried deep inside her, making it hard to stay in so I wrapped my other arm around her, lifting her and holding her tight in the nook of my arm. The new position had her screaming out my name, and I fucking loved it. “That’s it, princess. Tell them who you belong to. Tell them who fucks you so good.” I released my grip on her throat, letting her head drop. “Fuck, Noah, god please don't stop. I’m almost there,” she panted with a whine. “Use your fingers on that beautiful clit, baby. Help me make you cum.” I took her hand and placed it where I wanted it, locking her fingers with mine as we began to circle her clit that I was dying to have a taste of. “I fucking want you in my mouth,” I told her. “After the show, I’m going to devour your pussy with my mouth until I have you screaming out my name again.” Her whines became short and rapid and her cunt clutched around my aching cock, telling me she was about to cum, and I was more than ready for her to. I was harder than a rock and needed my release now. “Fuck, Noah, f-fuck, fuck,” she screamed. Her body shuddered, proof of the tension leaving her body as she cried out and came undone. I could feel the warmth of her cum spread over my dick, making her wetter than before, but I didn’t stop. I wasn’t going to until I came all over her back. Her body went limp, forcing me to hold her up while continuing to pound into her, grunting more and more as my build up grew closer. “Noah, baby,” she called softly. “Yeah princess,” I answered in between thrusts. “I love you, Noah. You’re stronger than the battle waging inside you. I promise.” Her words hit my heart like the sun bursting through the darkest clouds, brightening my mind and filling my soul with life once again. “I love you too, Princes.” The rawness in my voice matched the desire in my heart, dark and fathomless and so visceral I felt it in my bones. It was her words, spoken in the most compassionate, sympathetic, and sincere way, that finally tipped me over the edge. My hips stuttered, jerking hard and with one last powerful thrust I pulled out of her, growling as I painted the canvas of her back with my cum. My eyes rolled back with relief from the overly needed release. 

I stayed hovered over her for a while, allowing my body to come down from the high. We were both breathless, panting and spent. Kissing her shoulder, I told her to stay put while I went and found something to clean her up with. Once finished and dressed, I pinned her against the wall once more, kissing her luscious lips. “You’re my rock, Princess,” I confessed, caressing her cheek. “You’re the reason I can still do this job.” I pressed my lips to hers again, feeling her smile as her hand made its way to my face. “You’re braver and stronger than you think, Noah. You just don’t realize it.” Her belief in me was incomparable to anything else and gave me strength I didn’t know I needed. “Come on, I have to get you back. Matt’s probably passed out from an anxiety attack himself by now.” I chuckled, taking her hand and following her to the stage.

[sailor-aviator]

Fool's Fare: Chapter One

Fool's Fare: Chapter One

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader

Summary: Captain Jake "Hangman" Seresin had come close to swinging from the gallows more times than he would care to admit. He's stolen, cheated, even killed. The worst thing he's ever done? Broken the heart of a woman. Having broken the heart of the woman whom Davy Jones himself had fallen for six years ago, Jake is now cursed to live as something not dead, but not alive. He's doomed to live a half-life for the rest of his existence unless he manages to obtain the treasure Davy Jones deems most valuable. The problem? He has no idea what it is, and he only had seven years to obtain it.

Trigger Warnings: Alcohol, Jake Seresin, suggestive language, fear of abandonment. I think that's it?

Word Count: 2.87k

A/N: Wasn't sure I was going to post again tonight, but here we are! Not sure I'm going to post a fic update tomorrow, but I might work on some drabbles and post some of the asks sitting in my inbox. As always, reblogs, comments, and likes are greatly appreciated. 18+ ONLY!! You can find me on AO3 under sailor_aviator!

Series Masterlist || Moodboards || Playlist || Jake "Hangman" Seresin Tag List

The cool, night breeze twisted its way through the door of the crowded pub as a group of patrons exited, offering the briefest relief to your clammy skin as you busied yourself behind the bar. Patrons crowded around the various tables, some laughing in the open while others crowded in the dark shadows of the corners. Your regulars were easy to spot, most of them fishermen. Their carefree attitudes set them apart from the strangers passing through who kept themselves closed off and guarded in an unfamiliar places.

“Y/n!” Called Tom, one of your regulars. He had been a good friend to your father, having known him from his early fishing days. Tom had done well for himself, having been able to put enough money away to buy his own ship - the Iceman. “How’s about another ale!”

“Coming, Captain!” you hollered over at him jovially, already moving to grab a fresh glass. You had always liked the old captain, and had considered him to be a part of your family growing up. When your parents had died, he had seen to it personally that you were taken care of and that Bradley was able to secure steady work on the various shipping vessels that docked on your shores. “Where’s Rooster?”

“Should be coming along soon, I suspect,” Tom smiled warmly. Bradley had been picking up different odd jobs as of late, his latest one being aboard the Iceman loading and unloading cargo. He had been dodging your questions about it as of late, and you had started to wonder if he was up to something.

“He’s going to work himself into an early grave,” you grumbled, sliding the glass of ale down to the captain who caught it easily. “He won’t even tell me what he’s doing all of these jobs for.”

“I’m sure he has his reasons,” mused Tom, lifting the glass up to his lips to take a swig. “He probably doesn’t want you to worry.”

“He’s worrying me by not saying anything,” you countered, leaning against the bar. At that moment, the pub door swung open, and an exhausted looking Bradley stumbled through. You rounded the bar to help him sit down as he staggered onto a stool. “Bradley, for heaven’s sake!”

“Think you can get me an ale, Guppy?” he asked, rubbing at the bags under his eyes. The tips of his ears and nose were seared pink from hours spent in the intense sun, and you frowned at him.

“What you need is sleep,” you countered, but Bradley shook his head, fixing you with tired, pleading eyes.

“Please?” he asked again, softer this time. You sighed, moving back behind the bar and pouring him a draft before sliding it over to him. He grabbed it, raising it up in a silent cheers before tossing his head back with a long swig.

“Easy, lad,” Tom frowned, watching the young man as he took another long pull from his glass. Bradley set his drink down, absentmindedly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Another,” he told you, but you shook your head.

“No, absolutely not,” you scowled as the furrow between his eyes deepened. “You need to go home and rest, Bradley.”

“She’s right, lad,” Tom started, twisting in his seat to face the younger man. “You’ll work yourself into an early grave if you’re not careful.”

“I’m fine,” Bradley muttered, resting his head against the palm of his hand. Tom gave him a wry smile before clapping his hand on the other man’s shoulder. He shot you a wink before getting up to join his crew that was gathered on the opposite side of the room. You watched him go before turning back to look at Bradley with a frown.

“C’mon, Roos,” you prodded, leaning your head down so you could meet his gaze that was fixed on the bartop. “Tell me what you’re up to.”

“Nothin’” he grumbled unconvincingly. You rolled your eyes with a purse of your lips.

“I’m having a hard time believing you,” you sniped, snatching the glass away from him. Without another word to him, you poured another ale and offered it to him. He took it, offering a small smile. He met your even gaze just long enough for you to see the flash of guilt that flitted in his eyes. “What was that?”

“What was what?” he asked, taking a small sip from his glass.

“Why do you look guilty?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bradley Bradshaw,” you hissed, eyes blazing, “I have known you for twenty years now. Either you tell me what you’re up to right now, or I will personally see to it that you won’t be able to get another job for a month.”

“Alright,” he winced, setting the glass down and finally meeting your stare. “You have to promise me you won’t yell.”

You scoffed. “Are you twelve?”

“Guppy, promise me,” he insisted, hazel eyes pleading with you. You studied him another moment before sighing.

“Alright, fine.”

“I’m leaving.”

“You’re what?” you shrieked, causing some of the patrons to turn to the two of you as Bradley hissed at you to be quiet.

“You promised you wouldn’t be mad.”

“That was before you told me you were leaving,” you snapped. “Where are you even going to go?”

“I don’t know yet,” he admitted, leaning back. “Still need to find a crew that will take me on long-term.”

You stayed silent, watching him with furious eyes. After a couple of beats, you turned to walk back around the bar. “Caroline, I’m leaving.”

She waved after you, moving to tend to some patrons on the opposite end of the bar. Bradley watched you walk away with wide eyes before getting up to stumble after you. You flung the door of the pub open before setting off with a brisk pace down the road.

“Guppy!”

You ignored the man behind you, tears starting to gather in your eyes.

“Guppy?”

The tears began to fall, the trails they left behind on your cheeks turning to ice in the cool, night air. You turned to walk down to the beach past the docks. How could he drop that bomb shell on you? How could he keep that hidden from you in the first place? Your anger only served to cover up the true emotion you tried your hardest to ignore. Betrayal.

“Y/n, please,” Bradley begged, his long legs having helped him catch up to you by now. You stopped in your tracks, feet sliding into the sand beneath you as you whirled around. You shoved Bradley with all of your strength, shock at the unexpected movement being the only reason stumbled back at all.

“How could you?” you cried, tears falling quicker and your breath coming out shallower as you fought to keep your composure. “How could you just plan to leave me?”

“It’s not like that,” he started, but you shook your head.

“Don’t lie to me, Bradley,” you seethed, hands now clenched at your sides. “Don’t. I deserve the truth. Were you even going to say goodbye to me, or were you just going to vanish one day?”

“Of course not,” he murmured, staring at you with eyes once again pleading with you. “I would never do that to you. You know that.”

“I thought I knew you well enough to know that you wouldn’t leave,” you shot back, causing Bradley to wince. “Guess I don’t know as much as I thought I did.”

“Y/n,” he sighed, running a hand over his face and looking out at the ocean. He seemed to be mulling over his words. “It wouldn’t be forever.”

“That makes me feel so much better,” you laughed humorlessly.

“It wouldn’t be forever,” he continued, giving you a pointed look. “It would only be until I earned enough to buy my own ship.”

“You can do that here,” you argued, but Bradley shook his head with a small, empty laugh.

“I can’t,” he said. “I’ve barely earned enough these past weeks to live off of for a month out at sea. I’d be buried in the ground before I earned enough to buy a ship, and you know that.”

You couldn’t argue. You knew he was right, and you knew that this was not the life he had dreamed of. He had dreamed of going off with your father on one of his many voyages before the sea had claimed him. It had been years, but the pain of his and your mother’s passing still felt fresh in your heart.

You saw how Bradley looked longingly out at the sea when he thought you weren’t looking, or how he always looked happiest standing on the deck of a boat. No, Bradley was meant for a life at sea, and you knew it. You just never thought he would leave you behind.

“It won’t be forever,” he says again, moving to put his hands on your shoulders, bending down so he was eye level with you. “And when I earn enough money to buy my own ship, I’ll come back for you.”

“That could be years,” you croaked, your voice barely above a whisper. Bradley sucks in a breath before slowly nodding.

“You’re right,” he conceded, wiping the tears from your cheek.

“What if you forget about me?”

Bradley huffed out a laugh before drawing you into his arms. He hugged you tightly, resting his cheek on the top of your head. “How could I forget my baby sister? Besides, I think you’d swim across the ocean to find me if I ever forgot about you.”

You huffed a laugh, wrapping your arms around him. “You’re probably right.”

“‘Course I am,” he chuckled, pulling away from you. “Now, c’mon. It’s freezin’ out here, and I’m exhausted.”

You allowed him to lead you up the hill to your shared home. He left a chaste kiss to the top of your head before wishing you goodnight. As you lay in bed that night, you obsessed over the one question you had refused to allow yourself to ask him down at the beach. What if the sea claimed him too?

The following night, you found yourself back behind the bar of the pub. You had heard snippets of chatter amongst the locals about an unknown ship that had docked on your shores.

“I don’t like the look of’em,” Tom had told you and Bradley as he sat at the bar. A lull in the crowd had granted you a moment to stop and talk with the two of them.

“Why’s that?” you asked. He frowned.

“When you get to be my age,” he grumbled, “you can start to pick out the rotten sorts from just a glance.”

Before you could respond, the pub door swung open, hitting the wall with a thud. All three of you turned to see a large group step through the doorway and into the warm glow of the lantern filled room. A blond man stood at the front of the group, lips curled into a confident smirk. You noted the handsome features of him and his companions, and you knew the other women in the room had as well due to the scattered giggles from around the room.

“That’s them,” Tom mumbled, taking another sip of his ale.

The blond scanned his eyes across the room before catching sight of you at the bar. A twinkle of intrigue shone in his eyes as he began to saunter over to you, his crew dispersing to find a table to sit at. You shot a weary glance at Tom before moving to meet the tall stranger on the opposite side of where Bradley sat.

“Evenin’” you greeted with a polite smile. “What can I get you?”

The man looked you over with lick of his lips. “An ale, and your company if you’re offerin’ that too.”

You felt your cheeks grow warm. It wasn’t the first time a patron had made a pass at you, but it was the first time a patron was that devilishly handsome. “The ale, I can get you, but I’m not in the habit of entertaining sailors.”

“Shame,” the stranger grins, watching as you pour his drink. You hand it to him, and you feel a shiver run up your spine as his fingers graze yours. “Would have been nice to have someone as pretty as you in my bed tonight.”

You saw Bradley’s jaw tick from the corner of your eye, and you shot him a warning glance. This part of your job wasn’t new, and you had long since learned how to handle yourself in these situations.

“I believe there are more than a couple of girls over there who would be willing to warm your bed tonight, Mr…?”

“Seresin,” he said with a cheeky grin. “Jake Seresin. And I’m not interested in having anyone but you, pretty girl.”

“Well, then it looks like your bed will go cold tonight after all,” you said to him. Bradley snorted, trying to cover it with a cough, but Jake ignored him.

“Seresin,” Tom grunted, causing all three of you to look at him. He shook his head, and turned to glare at Jake. “I’ve heard of you. You’re a pirate.”

The conversation died in the pub as everyone turned to look at your little group by the bar. Jake’s easy grin never faltered as he stared back at Tom.

“Pirate is such a nasty word,” he drawled, taking a sip of his ale. “I prefer the term…liberator.”

“Whatever you call it, you have no business here,” Tom snapped.

“I beg to differ, my friend,” Jake countered, moving to stand. Turning to the rest of the room, he stated, “I’m looking for men to join my crew. You keep what you can carry with you. If you’re interested, come see me.”

And with one final glance at you, he sauntered off towards the back of the room where his crew had taken up purchase.

“Pirates?” you asked, looking at Tom hesitantly. He shook his head and got up to go join his own crew in the corner. You peered at Bradley from the corner of your eye. He studied the rim of his glass as he stroked it thoughtfully.

“What are you thinking about?” you asked him. He jumped as your words pulled him from his train of thought.

“Nothing,” he said quickly, refusing to meet your gaze. You studied him him for a moment until you saw the quick glance he threw towards the back of the room.

“No,” you snapped, causing him to finally meet your gaze. “Absolutely not.”

“What?” he scowled, but you fixed him with a glare and a finger pointed into his chest.

“Don’t even think about it,” you hissed in warning. Bradley glared right back at you before hopping off his stool and strutting towards the crew at the back. You scrambled around the bar after him. You closed the distance just as he stopped in front of Jake.

“I want to join your crew,” he stated. Jake looked at him with an amused look, eyes flickering to you as you pulled on Bradley’s arm so that he faced you.

“Bradley, don’t,” you begged.

“Y/n, enough,” he snapped down at you, taking you aback. His eyes softened as you looked up at his broad frame with hurt bewilderment. He let out a long sigh, running a hand through his sandy brown locks. He looked back at you before continuing. “Don’t you see, Guppy? This is my chance. If I don’t go now, who knows when I’ll get another opportunity to leave and make my fortune.”

“Roo, you’re my brother. I can’t let you do this,” you pleaded, taking his hand in yours. You willed him to listen to you, but it was no use.

“I’ve made my decision, Guppy,” he said. You couldn’t stop the flash of hurt you knew passed over your face as Bradley turned back to the captain. You looked around at the other patrons desperately before settling your eyes on Tom. He was already looking at you with a solemn expression, shaking his head.

“Sign here,” Jake instructed, pointing to the piece of parchment he had rolled out onto the table. Bradley obeyed, scratching his name in quick strokes to the bottom. You felt the tears start to run down your face before you could stop them. You couldn’t stop anything, it seemed. Bradley straightened and turned to look at you. The two of you stared at one another for several moments before you turned on your heel and stormed away from him.

That night, as you lay in bed, you dreamed of the sea. You dreamed of blue and green swirling around you as you struggled to breath. You dreamed of splintering wood and echoed shrieks that were drowned out by thundering waves. You dreamed of strange creatures that lurked the deep as they waited for their next meal. You dreamed of golden hair and cocky smirks as they taunted you beneath the waves. You dreamt of a cold, calloused hand that pulled you under until the surface was nothing but a distant memory.

[acourtofkindness]

Thank you for sending in all the stories, here you can find the collection! Some of these are one-shots, some are longer stories, just click your way through them and also check out their other fics!

A Court of Vice and Victors

by @wishcamper Acosf rewrite where Nesta actually gets help and she and Cassian have a healthier dynamic, plus an Illyrian murder mystery

Pages Turned

by @climbthemountain2020 A character study on Nesta Archeron, the hardships she's faced through her life, and how they've shaped her as a person.

Could You Love Me While I Hate Myself

by @witch-and-her-witcher Humans have just been freed from servitude to the fae after years at war on Prythian and times are desperate for Nesta Archeron. With Feyre MIA and Elain a shell of herself, her options are becoming increasingly limited. When one of the young fae warriors, Cassian, who has carved a name for himself on the battlefield proposes to her after recognizing a mating bond between them, Nesta doesn't see any choice but to agree to take him as her husband and move herself and her sister to his home Court and the wilds of Illyria. War brings them together, a bond binds them - but is that enough for two broken people to find love with each other?

Firm and Fragrant Still the Brambleberries

by @foundress0fnothing When Nesta became a nurse at the start of the war, she could not have predicted a patient as challenging as Lieutenant Cassian Davies, nor he a nurse as captivating as her. As the same war that brought them together threatens to tear them apart, Nesta and Cassian must navigate the complexities of love and duty to find the way back to each other. A WWI historical AU.

Wreck My Plans, That's My Man

by @c-e-d-dreamer Drummer for the Bat Boys, Cassian has a large following, but sometimes Nesta doesn't appreciate fangirls calling themselves "Cassian's future wife."

It Looks As Though You're Letting Go

by @Darkcat18 (on ao3) Everyone is born with an arrow on the back of their hand which points to their soulmate at midnight on their eighteenth birthday. After her parents' disastrous marriage and her father's subsequent depression following the death of her mother, Nesta realized a soulmate is nothing more than guaranteed heartache and ruination. On the eve of her eighteenth birthday, she packs up her car and leaves her family and life behind forever. What she doesn't count on, however, is having a soulmate like Cassian, who may be the one to prove to her that a soulmate is what she needs.

I Guess It's Half Timing (And The Other Half's Luck)

by @moodymelanist Nesta and Cassian have a steamy one-night stand while out celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, but their lives are changed forever once Nesta realizes her period is late. Follow along as Nesta and Cassian navigate preparing to become parents, balancing their other life stresses, and figuring out their feelings for one another!

Amidst the Madness

by @This_Immortal_Hope (on ao3) Love and war have always followed the same rules: Quick to ignite, slow to extinguish. There aren't many things Cassian has dared to openly want in his 500 years of existence. Not even the position he currently occupies as Lord of Windahaven (far too lofty a spot for nothing more than a well-blodded bastard, if you ask the other Illyrian Lords), but from the second Nesta Archeron stepped foot in his camp, the entire world ebbed into a single truth. She is his. He is hers. Everything else - the war he is meant to lead, the people relying on him, the legacy he should be fighting to protect, cease to exist the second his eyes are caught in roiling silver flames. There is pain in this female, his female. And retribution will be exacted. Rhysand has his war, and now so does Cassian. Whether the two align ... only Nesta can give that order.

Sweetest Con

by @separatist-apologist Nesta Archeron has been trapped in witness protection for the past five years, hiding a secret no one can ever learn. All she has to do is wait out the criminals back home determined to punish her and her sisters for a lie they told years before. She can handle anything- even the new agent sent to keep her safe.

The Whole Truth

by @TheTeaQueen (on ao3) A beautifully heartbreaking story about what if Papa Archeron used/sold Nesta back in their village, and the IC learning this truth. It features Rhys and Nesta sibling bonding over their respective SA traumas. And Cassian helping Nesta to heal and feel comfortable with touch again

The Nesta Variation

by @persegrace (on ao3) A modern AU where Cassian is a military vet and Nesta is a former ballet dancer. They're both dealing with trauma, and meet in AA.

Ultima Ex Nobis

by @fieldofdaisiies Six years into a global pandemic which was caused by a mass fungal infection that turns hosts into zombie-like creatures and makes the whole of Prythian collapse, the former army general Cassian Cadell is tasked with one very special mission – escorting Nesta Archeron, one of the few immune survivors, across a post-apocalyptic Prythian to a group of people of the name L. Their identity is unknown but they can make an antidote.

you make my motor run

by @wilde-knight When Nesta and Cassian are set up on a blind date, neither of them can imagine their families feeling whole again. But with sparks flying between them, will they finally be able to imagine the road ahead?

[alexfromjersey]

𝓣𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓼 & 𝓛𝓪𝓼𝓽 𝓓𝓪𝔂𝓼

jenna ortega x g!poc

summary: it's jenna's last day in new york. jah contemplates a career move

warnings: mature language, a male

a/n: imma be honest with y’all….I lost all the creativity for this book. I was struggling to find a path for it but I found one and I hope you guys enjoy it. (Vc: sensei.klx on TikTok)

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

THE NEXT DAY

"Our baby is big as a lemon right now. At this stage, our baby's intestines and vocal cords are developing. Tiny bones are also beginning to form in the arms and legs. This is so fascinating" Jenna gushed as she leaned more into your side.

You were currently focused on the intense game of baseball as your feet were propped on your coffee table. The two of you were enjoying each other's company until Jenna had to leave for London to film Beetlejuice 2 later tonight.

"Are we going to have a baby shower?" You asked.

"Yeah just a small one though and a little more into my pregnancy, maybe when I'm around 30 weeks" Jenna answered.

You nodded at your girlfriend. Your attention is then stolen by the Yankees vs. Padres baseball game on the TV. Jenna continued looking at the information the pregnancy app provided on her phone. Suddenly, the buzzer to your apartment goes off. You go to the buzzer, "Who is it?"

"Yuh Mada" Delyse responded. You buzz your mother in and unlock the door so she can come in. You then sat back down next to Jenna. A few minutes later, Del burst into the apartment with multiple bags in her hands.

You sighed, "Ma what is all that?"

"Nothing for you, some of this is for Jenna and...maybe the baby. Anyway, Jenna since you are leaving tonight I packed you a little pregnancy kit. I got you some prenatal vitamins, ginger & peppermint for any nausea you may get, and raspberry leaves for your iron and it can increase milk production if you decide to breastfeed" Del listed off.

Jenna's heart swelled at your mother's thoughtfulness, "Thank you so much Ms. Delyse. I appreciate this."

"Oh sweetie, us mothers have to stick together and watch over one another" Del smiled at the young woman.

"Do I get anything?" You ask.

"You get a non-cranky baby mother" Del replied to you.

You playfully glare at your mother. Del handed Jenna the bag of her stuff and sat opposite the couple. The buzzer to your apartment goes off again. You groan in frustration and confusion about who it could be.

"Who is it?" You asked.

"Davis" Davis answered. You buzzed him in and sat in your spot again. Soon after, Davis walks in with a flyer in his hand.

"Hey, Ms. Del I haven't seen you in a minute. How was Jamaica?" Davis asked.

"Wonderful. I needed that vacation" Del answered.

"I feel that. I need a vacation too. I haven't been on one in months" Davis said and sat in the empty spot next to you and Jenna.

"We should plan to go to the Bahamas" You suggest.

"Oh let's do it I've always wanted to go to the Bahamas," Davis said.

You then notice the flyer in his hand, "What's that?"

"Oh, that's why I came over here. This is a music competition, winner gets a five million dollar record deal with Passion Records. I saw that Twitter video of you singing, you should sign up" Davis proposed.

"Nah I'm good" You declined.

Davis looked at you in shock, "What? Why not?"

"I don't wanna be under another label. I've done it before and it went sideways. I don't want people telling me what music to make or getting the majority of the money I worked hard for" You explained and shrugged your shoulders.

"But it can expose you to different opportunities so you can propel yourself properly in the industry. You don't have to stay under a label forever" Davis said.

You sighed, "I don't know I'll think about it."

"Well, you better think about it sooner than later. The deadline to submit your demo is in two weeks" Davis informed you and handed you the flyer.

You read over it and the information on the paper. Submission deadline ends on June 15th at 11:59 pm. Any type of music is accepted but it has to be under three minutes. Five million dollar record label with Passion Records. You heard about the label, but before signing with the local one, you tried numerous times to get a rep. to listen to your music. You never got a response from them. But now you have a chance to finally pursue your dream of being a global sensation in music. A dream you've had since you were 8 and went to your first concert.

Maybe it would be a great opportunity.

"We still going to the courts around 1?" Davis asked.

"Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that. Sisqo owes me my $50 from the last game" You said.

"What's the courts?" Jenna questioned.

"Basketball courts around the corner from her. Me and Davis always play a pickup game with some friends from the block every Friday" You answered.

"Oh, can I come?" Jenna asked.

"Of course. You can see me whoop some ass in basketball" You smirked.

🤰🏻🩵

"Jah!" You heard Davis yell from your right. Your eyes glance at Davis who was getting pressed by his defender. You knew if you passed it to him, he was either going to lose the ball or shoot and miss. You were down by 2 and if the other team scored it was game over. You had to play smart.

You pass it to Davis but you sprinted behind him to shake your defender. You were successful and got to the corner where Davis passed it to you. You caught it and immediately shot a three. You watched as it swished in the net, winning you the game.

"Yeah, buddy!" You exclaimed excitedly.

Jenna clapped and cheered on the sidelines while you and Davis dapped each other up. She sat back down in her seat while you started talking to the other team. She was surprised she even sat through the whole basketball game. She was more into soccer than any other sport but pick-up basketball was entertaining.

"Mind if I sit here?" A soft voice brought Jenna out of her thoughts. She looked to her right and saw an angelic woman. She looked like a Disney princess.

"No, no go for it" Jenna smiled. She grabbed her book from beside her but she felt eyes burning into the side of her head. She looked and saw the woman staring at her with recognition in her eyes.

"My apologies for staring at you but I love your work. Wednesday is currently my favorite series right now. You also did your thing in the Scream movies" The woman complimented.

"Thank you so much" Jenna gave the woman another smile.

"You know I never expected to run into you in the Bronx. This is the last place I ever thought" The woman chuckled.

Jenna nervously chuckled, "Yeah...just hanging and watching some basketball."

She didn't want to deal with a fan's pressing questions. She knew she should've put her disguise on. But luckily, Jenna relaxed a little when she saw you look at the woman with recognition in her eyes. Jenna watched as you tapped Davis rapidly on his arm and pointed toward the bleachers.

"Yo Diana, I ain't know you were gon' be here" You smiled and gave her a side hug.

Davis, on the other hand, was staring at her like a lovesick puppy.

"Yeah I was just walking by and I saw the two of you. Thought I'd stop and say hello...hey Davis" Diana smiled at Davis.

"H-Hey Diana" Davis nervously waved back.

You and Jenna smirked at each other while watching. Davis is a nervous mess in front of Diana.

"Oh Jenna, this is Diana, Diana this is Jenna. The three of us went to school together along with her twin sister Stacey" You said.

At the mention of the name Stacey, jealousy flushed through her as she remembered the night of the Met Gala. The beautiful girl that was attached to your hip like glue all night, posting you any chance she got.

"How is Stacey?" You asked.

"Good. She went back to Spelman last week but she'll be back for summer break" Diana told you. You nodded, took a sip of your water, and sat in front of Jenna.

"Word? I ain't know she got into Spelman. What is she going for?" You asked.

"Major in Music and minor in Theatre & Performance. Same as me just at a different school" Diana answered.

Unconsciously, you leaned back in between Jenna's legs. She placed her head on top of yours and her arms on your shoulders.

Diana smirked, "Y'all are cute together."

"I'm cute all the time" You playfully said.

"Mhmm I don't know about that. You have your moments" Jenna commented.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa you gon' do me like that babe. That's wild" You exclaimed.

"All I said was you have your moments. We got our moments too" Jenna defended playfully. Diana let out a giggle at the two of you.

"Speaking of cute, you should holla at Davis. Don't think I don't see the way you keep glancing over at him" You smirk.

"Uh...I don't know. I just got out of a relationship, a bad one at that. I don't think I'm ready for another one just yet" Diana vacillated.

"You don't have to jump into another relationship. I'm just saying to you know talk to him and become friends. But if you don't wanna do it, that's fine I'm not gonna force you or anything" You said.

Diana glanced at Davis again who looked up this time from his bag and smiled at her. She looked down to hide the blush that appeared on her cheeks. She then went into her purse and grabbed a piece of paper and a pen. She wrote her number and walked down the bleaches.

"I have to go but call me whenever you aren't busy" Diana smiled at him and placed the paper in his hands. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before walking off the court.

"I'm the best wingwoman ever aren't I" You smiled.

"Uh I've seen better" Jenna shrugged.

You suck your teeth as she laughed, "You a hater bruh."

🤰🏻🩵

"Tap, tap, and then we lock our middle fingers. End it off with a fist bump and touch thumbs" You explain to Jenna and demonstrate the handshake you guys just came up with. The two of you came back from the basketball courts and went back to Jenna's hotel room so the actress could finish packing.

"I don't want to leave" Jenna pouted as the both of you sat on the floor against her bed. It was getting closer to the time for Jenna to leave for the airport and she was having a hard time. The both of you were really, you just kept to yourself.

"You could always call me you know. No matter the time, I'll always pick up for you" You said sincerely. 

Truth be told, it was nice to finally have someone around. Someone new.

“You'll pick up at any time?" Jenna questioned amused.

"Yep. I'm an insomniac so 9 times out of ten I'll be up doing absolutely nothing productive" You chuckled. 

Jenna giggled, "I'm going hold you to that."

The two of them sat in a comfortable silence looking out at the sun setting sky. Neither of you uttered a word but your eyes slowly drifted to the woman next to you. The orange color bounced off her skin beautifully, making her freckles pop even more than before. You've seen your fair share of beautiful women but nothing compared to her. 

"Take a picture it'll last longer" Jenna spoke softly. 

You pulled your phone and quickly captured a picture of the actress. 

Jenna chuckled, "No way, you actually took a picture."

"You told me too. Now, I have an exclusive picture of Jenna Ortega. Should I sell it to these paparazzi weirdos?" You joked. 

"Do it. I bet you'll make a fortune" Jenna replied.

Suddenly, a ding is heard from Jenna's phone. She grabbed it from the nightstand and sighed as she looked at the person who texted her.

Nancy The Manager: we're outside

Jenna pouted as she read the message. She was hoping she got at least another hour with you but the universe didn't want to lift her spirits.

"They're here" Jenna grumbled.

You stood up from the floor and slipped on your slides. You grabbed her bags and Jenna got her airport outfit on. She checked to make sure she had everything before the two of you walked to the elevator.

After the elevator takes you to the hotel parking garage, you help place her bags in the trunk before you turn to her.

"I'm going to miss you" Jenna sniffled.

"Imma miss you too Hollywood" You pouted. The two of you hug each other tightly, not wanting to let go. But before she left, you bent down to be level with her small protruding stomach.

"Aight listen, it's just gon' be you and momma for a couple of months. You two take care of each other, if she is overworking herself, you better tell her to sit her ass down somewhere" You added, "Mama loves you and I'll be waiting here for the both of you to come back." You kiss her stomach and stand up.

"Why would you do that? Now I'm crying" Jenna cried and tried to wipe the tears from her eyes.

You chuckled, "I just to let it be known."

Jenna wiped the tears from her face and climbed into the SUV.

"Call or text whenever you land," You said.

"I will" Jenna reassured.

You then step back from the SUV. Big L climbs into the driver's side and after a moment pulls off. Jenna blew you a kiss which you caught and you waited until you couldn't see them anymore to walk to your car and eventually left the hotel.

The journey to the airport was a quiet one. Jenna was scrolling through her social media, which is rare for the girl. Music was blasting in her ears as she didn't want to engage with anyone, especially Hudson. She was still furious with the male after the stunt he pulled with her family. She didn't even spare him a glance as she got into the SUV, which stung him a little.

After almost an hour, Jenna finally arrived at Teterboro Airport. She was flying private this time and she didn't know why but she was secretly thankful that she didn't have to deal with the regular airport this time.

Everyone checked in and was walking to the private jet. It was small and nothing too extravagant which she liked. She just wanted to get from point A to point B safely.

The young actress was the first to step onto the plane but halted in her steps as she came face to face with someone she didn't want to see.

"Ah, nice to see you again Jenna. It's been a long time" Corneilo smiled at the girl.

Jenna looked behind her at Nancy and Hudson and saw the same shocked look on their faces.

"Please settle down and let's prepare for take-off," Neil said and pointed to the seat in front of him.

Jenna hesitated before slowly sitting in the seat in front of him, "You usually don't do in-person meetings."

"Yeah, but we have much to discuss. Things that couldn't be said over a video chat" Neil shrugged.

Nancy and Hudson hurriedly took a seat behind the two. Jenna was on edge, she was tense in her seat and she wanted nothing more than to be in your comfort again.

"Champagne?" Neil offered.

"No I'm good" Jenna declined.

The Cuban man nodded and down his glass of champagne before pouring himself another.

"What do we have to discuss?" Jenna asked impatiently.

Neil grinned, "I'm sure you know Jenna."

Jenna unconsciously hooked her arms around her stomach. She knew the man in front of her was unpredictable, she needed to be on guard the whole time.

"Do you remember why the court signed that paper Jenna?" Neil questioned.

"Because they wanted to keep the tradition going of a man ruling over a woman's life" Jenna retorted.

Neil let out a breathy laugh, "No...it's because you're reckless. That paper was designed to save you. Save you from the destructive road you were speeding down. The same road you found yourself back on."

Jenna didn't respond to him, just glared at him.

"20 years old and pregnant with a child by a talentless rat from the hood at the top of her career. Do you know how that makes me look? That I can't keep my clients in check because they do whatever they want to" Neil hissed.

"I care less about how it makes you look" Jenna snapped at the older man.

This makes Neil snap, at the speed of lighting he reaches over the table and grabs Jenna by her throat. Jenna tried to pull his hand away from her but was unsuccessful.

"You seem to forget who's in charge here. I'm the one in charge. I have the final say in what you can and cannot do, and who you can and cannot be with. I own you, Jenna. So when I tell you to jump, you ask how high. No sassy comeback, no attitude. Nothing." Neil snarled.

“Let her go Neil” Hudson glared at the older boy.

Neil’s eyes then snapped to Hudson. He let go of Jenna who was breathing heavily with tears running down her face. The older male then made his way to Hudson. He stopped just a breath away from him.

“Little Hudson Maverick, rich daddy’s boy that doesn’t know when to mind his business. A flaw of his that’s going to get him into some trouble in the future. How is mommy doing by the way? She still seeing that private exercise trainer on Thursdays and Saturdays during your father’s meetings?” Neil taunted the boy.

Nancy stood up from her seat, “That’s enough Corneilo.”

Neil then turned to look at the woman with a smirk on his face. He opens his mouth to say something but an alarm goes off on his watch.

“Hmph, dodge a bullet there Nancy” Neil commented. He smoothed out his suit and looked at them with a smile, "Enjoy the flight." He then left the private jet.

Once he left, Nancy slid next to Jenna. The young actress then gripped her shirt as she sobbed into her side.

a/n: y’all going to hate me…and possibly not hate me a little bit after 🙂

taglist: @grandpatrolnut @raven-ss @fanboy7794 @morganismspam23 @cinffy23 @darklron @cheesybacon1 @octavias-next-meat-bite @playboysaleen @niqmandu @zaclewiss @yescruzzzzzzz @silentfor @gemz5 @alwaysdangerouschild @onceblinkarmyandmore @melonfruit442 @zataracloud @nepobaby08 @jennasslut @rimaybank @jaewu @j3nc0re

[eyelessfaces]

please, run away while you still can

llewyn davis x reader

summary: llewyn is used to things turning to shit by now. this time, he tries to anticipate it.

warnings: angst, insecurities, llewyn being self destructive and trying to sabotage the one good thing in his life because he's like that, cigarettes because it's llewyn

tags: gn!reader, fluff, hurt/comfort

word count: 1.7k

I haven't posted any actual fic in like two months what the fuck

This sight is growing to be so familiar to you, and unlike your other friends, you don’t mind. Quite the opposite, actually. It’s early, but Llewyn is up already, smoking his first cigarette of the day by the window like you had asked him to.

“Did you miss sleeping on the couch?” you half-joke, tearing him out of his thoughts, and that’s when he turns to you that you notice the obvious saddened frown over his face.

You had known something was wrong, but your mind had been too hazy with sleep to truly make out what was up. He had left your bedroom in the middle of the night, and when you reached for his arm so he wouldn’t go, he disregarded it, still leaning over to leave a kiss at your temple.

Now that you were fully awake, you were pretty confused as to why he had wanted to sleep on your worn out couch when he could have slept in your much more comfortable bed, now that things were clear between you.

“I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to bother you by tossing and turning all night long.” he mumbles as his gaze shifts towards the couch, a thick blanket messily thrown over it. He sighs as he puts his cigarette out in the ashtray you had specifically bought for him. “I should go. I’ll ask Joy if I can spend a few days there” he declares as he picks up his discarded pants on the floor. You hadn’t even noticed he had brought them with him in the living room. You frown as he puts them on, closing the window before turning back to him.

“You can stay here, you know. I don’t mind.” he looks up and raises an eyebrow at you as he buckles his belt. “I actually enjoy having you around, despite what you might think.” you nod.

He nibbles on his bottom lip as he looks around for his patterned shirt, which might have stayed in your bedroom. He hadn’t truly planned on leaving yet when he left the bedroom, after all.

“I know you do.” he exhales, “That’s the problem” he mutters under his breath, kinda hoping for it to go unnoticed, but you’re studying him hard enough to make out what he’s saying.

“Llewyn wh– What’s wrong?” you frown and sigh, plopping down onto your couch, reaching for his hand. 

“Why–” he sighs, slightly shaking his head. “What are you doing with me.” he rhetorically asks, sitting down next to you. It’s stupid that he sat down with you, it will be even harder for him to leave now.

Your hand settles at the nape of his neck, and your thumb rubs that spot under his ear, just the way you know he likes, just the way it appeases him.

“That has to be the stupidest question you’ve ever asked me.” 

“I’m serious.” he sighs.

“So am I.” you say, shifting closer to him. “What’s this about?” you ask, a hand resting at his knee.

“I’m the worst guy you could get” he declares, a small, stupid chuckle leaving his mouth as he says the words. He means it. You can see it with the way he’s avoiding your gaze, with the way he’s trying to pick the loose ends of the seams of his pants. 

“Why are you saying things like that? I’d consider myself to be lucky, actually.” you frown, taking a hold of his hands, so he wouldn’t tear apart one of the few pairs of pants in his possession, but especially to show him that you’re meaning what you said.

“No, I am lucky. You, you’re setting yourself up sweetheart.” he declares as his thumbs brush the back of your hands, when one part of him wants to push them away to make this all easier.

"I have nothing to give you." He should have left in the middle of the night. It would have been much easier. No explanations needed, no hard goodbyes. "I'm not good enough for you, I’m a mess.” he fiddles with your fingers, looking down at them as he talks. 

You tighten your grip onto his hand, squeezing hard enough to draw a reaction out of him. He looks up at you, making eye contact with you for the first time since you both woke up.

“What the hell are you talking about, Llewyn” you shake your head, astounded that he thinks so little of himself when you have always been so admirative of him, so impressed by everything he does, so enamored with him.

“I’ll hurt you too, I’ll fuck this up like I fuck everything else up” he says as he pinches his lips. You can see the weight of the world in the brown of his eyes. “I’ll say or do something stupid at some point, something that’ll hurt you, that’ll make you regret this all, it’s not too late for you to go.”

“It is”

He frowns, looking confused as if you just said the stupidest thing he's ever heard in his whole life.

“Why?” he snorts, an almost offended expression over his face, and you can see he’s beginning to lose patience; you know how he is, and you know this could quickly turn into a much more complicated conversation if you don’t do something quickly.

“Because I love you, you fucking idiot.” you say squeezing his hand again. “That’s what’s wrong with you. You’re an idiot for not realizing this.”

He closes his eyes, letting go of your hand, shaking his head before he gets up from the couch. You're quick to follow, ready to prevent him from doing anything stupid.

He turns, opens his mouth to talk again, and you know he's prepared to say something neither of you is gonna like, because that's his habit of defense.

“Shut up. I’m not letting you fuck this up deliberately." you stop him, and he sighs as you follow him to your window where he picks up the pack of cigarettes he left there. "I would be a fucked up idiot to let you go. Even more fucked up than you think you are" you joke as you snatch the pack from his hands, and he snorts. "I know what I'm doing with you. Trust me" you nod, and his lips pinch in a defeated smile.

You throw his cigarettes onto the couch, and he tuts and sighs. You grab his arm to stop him from going there. "Hey." you call, gripping his arm tight, and he turns to you. "I love you." you nod, and he falters and huffs out the breath he didn't even realize he had been holding, and takes you in his arms. 

He holds you, tight. Borderline too tight, but you know he needs it so you don't say anything. You rub his back up and down, your chin settled over his shoulder; you feel his warm breath against your skin as he buries his face into your neck, his beard pleasantly tickling the area. 

"I'm sorry angel" he eventually whispers, before letting go of his tight grip on you. His hand comes to settle at your cheek, and he looks at you like he has already fucked it all up. "I know I'm an asshole. But I’d be miserable without you. I'm sorry" he repeats as his dark eyes study your whole face, looking for any hint of how you feel about him at this moment. Your faces are just inches away, and yet he still can't tell what is beyond your eyes.

Maybe that's it, you hate him. Maybe this is the moment this turns to shit. 

"Please, say something." he chuckles, helpless. It didn't happen often, but he was pretty sure he could burst into tears at any moment now. He would hate you to see that.

And he would have left already, if this was anyone else. 

Now he realizes he probably should have, it would have been easier for the both of you. 

He should have thrown a tantrum like he’s so used to, should have been selfish and should have hurt your feelings, so he could leave being angry, so the pill would be easier to swallow.

But hurting your feelings was the last thing he wanted; even though in this case, it would be for your own good, so you wouldn’t have to bear this burden, so you wouldn’t have him slowly poisoning your life like a cancer progressively eating you until nothing’s left, like a wave of toxicity swallowing you whole.

You weakly smile at him, and brush back his curls when you see the beaten expression over his face. He looks like he’s decomposing, his eyes about to fall out from how hard he’s repressing what’s trying to escape.

You leave a kiss at his nose, it’s random and you do it with no forethought, but it’s the only thing you can think of at the moment.

A sigh of relief escapes his mouth when he sees you're not mad at him, and his forehead comes to rest against yours.

“Sorry.” he mutters under his breath, shaking his head as he closes his eyes. 

“It’s okay.” you declare as you cup his jaw, your nails softly scratching his beard. "Just don't leave, please."

“I won't” he mutters in a whisper, just loud enough for you to hear. “I don’t actually wanna go to my sister’s”

You snort, turning away, and it’s his turn to grab you by the arm, pulling you back to him.

"I'm miserable, c'mon, kiss me. Please”

A small chuckle leaves your mouth, before it comes to slot against his.

His breath smells of cigarette and his lips are chapped and rough from the cold, but the way they move against yours with ease reminds you of why you like kissing him. He hums softly as his hand comes to cradle the back of your head, pulling you closer. 

"Breakfast?" you ask as you pull away, smiling at him and playing with a curl behind his ear like nothing even happened, because you know that's what he wants. 

He mirrors your smile, leaving a quick kiss at your lips before plopping down onto the couch, lighting himself another cigarette. 

"Breakfast." he nods, walking to the window when he remembers you want him to smoke there.

Maybe he'll fuck this up at some point, but he'll stay with you as long as you still want him.

—

please reblog and tell me what you thought about this, this helps a lot thank you<3

inside llewyn davis taglist: @apollo-enthusiast @scarabgrant @lockleysgrl @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @missmarmaladeth @alexxavicry @mystinky-butt @anightshift @campingwiththecharmings @dameronshandholder @spider-starry @spxctorsslxt @dameronshandholder