#i need to practice so i can keep it up | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovesickeros · 9 months

Text

☆ decadence divine [ act I ]

{☆} characters arlecchino, neuvillette, furina {☆} notes yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings yandere content, stalking (implied), kidnapping (implied) {☆} word count 2.3k

ARLECCHINO

Arlecchino was wont to leave social gatherings to her subordinates– the private meetings were where she thrived. It was so much easier to lure your prey into a trap when you didn't have prying eyes and ears waiting for the barest hint of blackmail.

She clicked her tongue in distaste, her eyes narrowing beneath the mask of the fox as she set down her cup sharply. It was difficult as it was to draw them from the safety of their bubble– at the slightest hint of danger, her quarry would run. A chase would be fun, but she couldn't risk getting caught here. The political nightmare it would cause..it already gave her a headache. She had to be discreet.

They weren't making it easy, however.

Which is why she never liked crowds. But this chance didn't come by every day. She wasn't going to simply let it pass by because of a little danger. She'd have them eventually, it was just a matter of how. There were already numerous of her own lingering in the crowds, hidden beneath the masks that every patron bore. It was difficult to stand out amongst the flurry of masked patrons constantly shifting around the room, moving from one conversation to another, gliding from one dance partner to another.

Her heeled boots clicked sharply against the tile as she stalked through the crowds, keeping a wide berth yet always lingering nearby– she was sure they could feel the vague sense of being watched, but with the huge crowds..her lips quirked into a grin with the barest flash of teeth. There were a great many ways to break them in– she'd spent a great amount of time and mora to get anything she could for blackmail, if she so wished. She had the backing of the Fatui as well if she played her cards right– it wouldn't be difficult to convince them that they were a valuable target, and none of them would dare to question just what she did with them afterwards.

Perhaps a bit of play, first. Test the waters. She was familiar with playing the polite gentleman, despite her status as a Fatui Harbinger. Stage something for her to intervene, perhaps, to look the hero. The look of shock when she revealed the wolf beneath the wool..she could see it already. That wide, doe-eyed look as they realized the monster they've followed blindly like a lost lamb..she was beginning to see the appeal.

All it took was a few hushed words and subtle signals before the tiles started to fall in place, her hand gliding along their lower back as she leaned over their shoulder with a thin, predatory smile. She'd have to organize for the agent to be released later, her eyes following as the Gardes dragged him out of the room in a flurry of curses, but for now..she tilted her head to peer down at them, polite and almost apologetic.

"You aren't too startled, are you? Now now, there's no need to look so..scared, poor thing. I won't let another lay a hand on you," She cooed in a sickly sweet tone, the husky rasp of her voice whispered in their ear like dripping honey. "You have my word. Now, why don't we get you some fresh air? Come. Allow me to escort you."

Her lips pulled into a jagged grin at the relief in their eyes– the blind lamb following the shepherd as it led them into it's maw. Just a little longer, and she could finally have her own caged bird– a pretty thing to admire, to protect, to possess.

Something no one else would ever touch again. Something hers.

NEUVILLETTE

Neuvillette was not one for parties. The intricacies and delicate handling of public relations he oft left in the capable hands of Furina, rather then himself. It was only at her behest he even attended at all, but he still felt rather..out of place amongst the bodies constantly shifting through the ballroom like a constant rush of water from one end to the other, no rhyme nor reason to the flow. The only thing that kept him afloat among the tides was the mask of the deer obscuring his face– even if it was exceedingly difficult to truly hide himself among the crowds, most passed over him without second thought.

Though he had to be honest with himself, even if he couldn't bring himself to admit it to Furina despite her insistence that his attendance was mandatory. He had his own reasons for coming– selfishness that left a sour taste in his mouth. It was purely by chance he'd seen the briefest glimpse of them prior, and he..was intrigued, that was all.

He refused to let his thoughts linger on the sleepless nights he spent prying every piece of information he could from loose tongues and obscure documents, every moment he managed to squeeze in between trials spent lingering in their most favored locations– cafes, stores, restaurants, the like.

Now a masquerade.

He tried not to let the guilt gnaw at his conscious, but it lingered like an age old scar that still ached.

So he relegated himself to simply residing in the further corner, nursing a goblet of water like a fine wine, trying not to let his eyes stray to the brief glimpses of them through the ever moving bodies filling the center of the room, dancing like puppets in music boxes.

Still, his hand twitched in an instinctual desire– a need to clasp his hand in their own, to touch his lips upon their knuckles, to indulge in a moment of reprieve and unshackle himself from the mantle that bears heavy upon his shoulders. He seeks reverence, worship, but not of himself– but towards the one who had drawn the eye of the dragon amongst the waves of humans he'd seen come and go for a great many years.

No one could compare, he is certain. None have left him as breathless, as hopelessly infatuated, as the one who made him wish only to kneel at their feet in senseless reverence until he could no longer speak. A hopeless man, indeed, if he has never even truly met them.

Instead he's spent his time prying into their life from the shadows. Caution, or simple cowardice?

He dares not ponder.

Yet in his ceaseless pondering he'd blocked out the world without, failing to notice the figure stepping up beside him until their hand brushed against his elbow– just the briefest touch, but it had his pupils narrowing and his entire body tensing like a coiled spring. That touch..bliss. It left him breathless and lightheaded as he tilted his head to regard them, his lips parting in a shaky sigh. They are as beautiful as he remembers– even with their face obscured beneath the mask, he would never forget them.

"Greetings, Monsieur– I hope I didn't frighten you too much." Their laugh made him feel rather faint, just the sound of their voice making his hand tighten around his cane. "..Not at all. I was simply lost in thought." He admitted apologetically, trying to reign in the urge to cup their face between his palms. A dangerous thought. He didn't want to scare them off when they'd provided him a priceless opportunity.

"My apologies, you must have needed something. It was rude of me to have been so absorbed in my thoughts to have ignored you." He continued, gently turning to set his goblet down– offer them his full attention, be a gentleman. The words rang in his skull like a ceaseless alarm, blaring and rattling his thoughts as he gently took their hand in his own. It was a split second decision– an indulgence, but he could simply not help himself. Even with his gloves between them, he felt like he was going to lose his composure just from such a brief touch..

He truly was a hopeless man before an altar, praying for a salvation he intends to bury deep beneath the waves– to keep it hidden in the darkness of the depths that only he can reach. A selfish man, he must be, to even think of it, but it is an itch that he cannot scratch. A need that must be satisfied. He cannot allow any hands but his own to tend to them, to know what it feels to touch them, to hear their voice and see their eyes as he prays– prays like a man starved, devotion born of desperation.

"I hope I did not make you wait too long." He smiles, soft and affectionate, like the bloom of spring beneath the winters chill– yet just as deadly, only masked by the sweet fragrance of flowers.

He had waited too long.

No longer.

FURINA

Furina was right at home amongst the crowds– where the masks obscured the identities of most, it was impossible to not recognize the charming banter of the Hydro Archon beneath the mask of the lamb as she graced the masquerade with her presence, speaking with a silver tongue to any who would listen. A truly enthralled audience fitting for the grandest of performers in Fontaine.

But her eyes lingered not on the people who's praise dripped from their lips like honey– yet so very bitter upon her tongue. Even the mask obscuring her expression did little to hide the longing that had her visibly deflating like a popped balloon. She hated all the eyes on her, really– it was suffocating. She was only putting on a show in the foolish hope that they'd finally pay attention to her. Just her luck, she supposes, that instead she's had to throw herself straight into the role of Archon without a pay off..

They hadn't even spared her a glance! It would be infuriating if not for the fact she couldn't even keep her composure just seeing them across the room. They didn't even have to look at her and she could feel the heat rush to her ears as she forced another smile at the crowd gathered around her. It was unfair how easily they could fluster her without even knowing it– her heart was thumping so hard against her ribcage she felt like it might burst.

Her only solace was the fact none of the patrons seemed to realize she'd clocked out of the conversation, her thoughts and eyes lingering on the distant figure– what a lovestruck fool she makes..it was a chance encounter she'd seen them during one of her outings. That was all it took to enthrall her, evidentially, try as she might to have ignore it for months.

They never left her mind for longer then a day, in the end, and she had to face the fact they had managed to enrapture her so deeply she felt like a newborn lamb learning to walk whenever she so much as thought of them. What an embarrassment! She..she was the Archon, she had a reputation to maintain, she couldn't be seen fawning over a human.

But oh, she still longed for it, beneath the veneer of a God. She'd watched them more times then she'd admit even to herself, wishing to find herself in place of those who'd hands were cradled so casually in their own– to hear their voice, their laughter, as often as she pleased..like a fine delicacy she so badly wished to taste, yet so far from her reach.

Would they think her pathetic for her infatuation? She pursed her lips at the thought, trying to bury the sour mood beneath her faux image of the Archon. Yet it lingered, and with only the quietest of excuses, she slipped into the crowd like a ghost– she needed to leave before she did something..stupid. Neuvillette would surely have a few choice words with her if she did, and she was inclined to avoid such a fate.

She..she just needed a moment to collect herself was all. That was it. She could go back to playing Archon for a little longer, she just needed a moment to herself. At the very least, the balcony had been regarded as off limits so late into the party– which gave her an opportunity to slip out of the public view for the briefest of moments. A welcome reprieve– she was starting to feel suffocated amongst the crowds.

Perhaps on instinct, she reached for the mask, lifting ever so slightly away..only to let out a startled yelp at the touch of a hand on her shoulder, the mask slipping back into place far too easily. It made her lightheaded, even now, but she dared not to dwell on it.

But when she turned sharply on her heel to chew out the person who'd followed her and had the gall to scare her..oh, she was done for, her ears flush with heat. The brief glimpse of their eyes beneath the mask, the curl of their lips as they smiled– her heart stuttered in her chest, and she was certain it had stopped all together when they clasped her hand.

"Y–you.." She wanted to be angry, to brush them off and leave with her rationality in tact, but the warmth of their hands on her skin rendered her speechless. She was no better then a fish on land, struggling to fill her lungs with air as she drew in a shaky breath. "Ahem, you caught me off guard. That's all. Surely you do not make it a habit to sneak up on people?" She huffed in indignation, trying to mask the fluster that threatened to break through her carefully crafted facade.

Ah, what a cruel twist of fate..she'd slipped away to escape their allure, but here they were, dragging her back into their orbit without even knowing how deep her infatuation ran. They were alone, too..it was a chance she wasn't sure she'd ever get again.

Maybe, just this once, she could do something for herself rather then everyone else.

She buried her guilt, the fear– buried it beneath the need to be seen.

"But if you want to make it up to me.."

#genshin impact #genshin impact yandere #genshin yandere #neuvillette x reader #yandere neuvillette #yandere neuvillette x reader #arlecchino x reader #yandere arlecchino #yandere arlecchino x reader #furina x reader #yandere furina #yandere furina x reader #fic tag #pats neuvillette this noodle dragon can be so pathetic #aiming for pathetic desperate and slightly guilty. it gnaws at him knowing he's keeping you like a bird in a cage #esp if you react extremely negatively hes like a kicked puppy #not outwardly but internally hes a MESS. sobbing crying wailing #furina and neuvi sopping wet kittens u found in a cardboard box in an alley #vs arle thinking abt all the crimes shes going 2 commit in the process w/o an ounce of guilt. blackmail? check. kidnapping? check.#a little murder for flavor. as u can see im coping horribly w being practically snowed in rn i need 2 be put down #its like 4 degrees out rn (fahrenheit) and getting colder ueueueue i am dying..........#only thing keeping me going is my furinameow plushie coming. eventually. staying strong just for her.................#also needs 2 be mentioned all the stories r separate ksjfkhdsf #no not everyone in fontaine is yan and trying 2 kidnap sorry for getting ur hopes up..#yet #anyway u cant convince me arle isn't bribing (or just straight up forcing) her agents into doing stupid shit so she can “save” you #and make you owe her #two silly goofy little creatures vs the personification of gaslight gatekeep girlboss (heavy on the gaslight)#also split this up in 3 parts bc. lol. lmao. im not writing 9 characters at once goodbye #also all the masks do actually have significance i have an entire essay on why i gave each animal to specific characters okay

348 notes · View notes

subsequentibis · 2 months

Text

i've had this thing for a little while where i'm like. fuck! a lot of the artists i look up to have really thin, precise lineart. i need to start using thinner lines so i can get the accuracy and detail and realistic, correct anatomy, and it makes you have to get better at colors because the color has to carry the piece more when the lines give them more space between, and it's made me a lot more critical with my work because i instinctively go for big thick linework, and my usual strokes look sloppy and disconnected when i use thin lines.

and then i realized it was also making me miserable and not want to work on anything, which was really getting in the way of doing art in the first place. so i cranked that brush size back up and it just feels good and easy and flowing again, and like. yknow. there's working towards improvement and then there's stalling yourself out because you're too focused on arbitrary measures. i think i'm gonna be happy with my thick lines for a bit.

#ignore me #like there ARE areas i want to improve in and i think i need to do some focused studies to get there #but the key here is that i was trying to just switch styles and techniques suddenly and beating myself up for not getting it #for just my casual art that i'm doing i can chiiiiill the fuck out. and i can do some studies and practice more intentionally #in a way that doesn't ruin the whole aspect of drawing for me #i do want to work on my colors because i do keep them fairly simple most of the time but eeehhhh. i also want to Like Drawing #i'm not gonna be a professional artist i'm very much a hobbyist. i need to keep liking my hobby to actually do it.#god i'm so chatty lately. stuck in my damn room!!!! i wanna talk!!

62 notes · View notes

essektheylyss · 4 months

Text

literally laughed out loud at Matt's face when he admitted that Lester was trying to hide something, truly the scrungliest detective in Newfaire

#which. given the vibes. is probably saying something.#made a joke immediately before the episode to not ask if I'm using references and then this happened and I was like #'wait I can use beacon for important things. like pausing the current episode while it's airing live on my laptop for ref purposes.'#if you're like 'jeez megs. you keep bouncing around a lot in terms of styles and feels lately. what's up with that.'#the answer is that I need to be able to do literally whatever my brain puts forth as a challenge so I gotta practice many things.#or I'll die.#anyway this turned out very well for what I was going for. delighted with that!#but pencil/charcoal shading from ref was my thing in high school so I'm not surprised I can still maintain that well enough #been a WHILE since I've done pencil shading on csp but it's very fun. I should really find some decent graphite pencils again.#OR SOME DECENT CHARCOAL sorry I keep failing to find charcoal pencils I like and it's driving me nuts #candela obscura #co spoilers #lester shaw #critical role fanart #my art

41 notes · View notes

gorespawn · 4 months

Text

also while we're here i would like to share the two iterations of tumblr user gorespawn that have existed since i abandoned this blog back in like early 2021. Who wants me

#i grew my hair out so i could twirl my hair while giggling about bald men #and also t.o.p of bigbang #and short men i see at the grocery store who honestly make me feel light-headed with raw and unbridled Want #but that's just a joke. i am. Lesbian #''no ur not'' I AM #anyway i used to be so ripped and hunky but now i am frail and sickly #what getting a job can do to a mf #thankfully i quit my job last week YIPPIIIEEEEEEE so now i will work towards becoming an absolute hunk again #wish me luck #ALSO #if anyone is obsessed with me and remembers all my lore i used to be transgender and i still am like lowkey on the down low #but in a new exciting way #anyway i used to be a gay man and then a stone butch dyke (as seen above) but now im practicing being a girl #it is very difficult but it is also fun. ive never been a girl before so it's a lot #anyway i bought two super cool sexy dresses yesterday for the first time ever in my life #sexy dresses meaning up to my neck and down to my feet and past my elbows. kind of like a wardrobe straight out of the handmaid's tale #from (to quote my friend) ''*The* old lady store'' thanks man. well i think theyre pretty and its v exciting bc ive never been a girl befor #anyway #who wants me #i still use the name emil online btw and i honestly always will i think it's just so me and also i do still answer to he/him dw #in a man way not in a he/him lesbian way #''he's LGBTQA+'' what. all at once?#yes.#i have mastered them all i have collected all the genders and all the sexualities and ive never been ''wrong''#it just keeps switching. which is fine. well im a girl now. in a detransitioning man way. who is insanely attracted to men #but you will have to tear this lesbian label out of my cold dead hands #''you can't call urself lesbian if u have sex w men'' well first of all fuck you and second of all i am celibate so you dont need to worry #''what the hell are you talking about'' nothing. now look how hot i am #im just joking around i hope that's fine w y'all

37 notes · View notes

fisheito · 8 months

Text

my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled

OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY

#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it #rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf #you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something #he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing #i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience #like [i can help you if you've never done it before?]#honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that #SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY #anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels #would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it?#rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes #but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party...#maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance #at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down #rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety #because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL #yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is #i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden #eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so #but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too #eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰#i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights?#or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol #yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels #yes. yes this is the vision #yakurei #replies #nu carnival yakumo #nu carnival rei

56 notes · View notes

schnaf · 2 months

Text

26 days until gunil's 26nd birthday

day 26 aka THE COUNTDOWN IS OVER - gunil's past birthday brrrr ppoppos

#xdinary heroes #gunil #goo gunil #jungsu #junhan #jun han #jooyeon #ode #gaon #kim jungsu #han hyeongjun #lee jooyeon #oh seungmin #kwak jiseok #gunil26 #forfreddy #here we are! no i won't joke about how this countdown felt longer than the ones before. even though it would be very gunil like #HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUNIL! ♥ hope the members are nice for once ♥#cAN'T WAIT FOR NEW KISSIES #(quick mention before things get sappy: this was the hardest kissie gifset up to now. different formats?? u G H)#(it was hard enough already to decide which scenes to use and in which order)#so. gunil. i appreciate his way of being a leader sooo much! he can be serious and all and he can actually take over #(ugh there's this one clip where they're in the practice room and gunil is directing them and he KNOWS what he's doing)#but he isn't that much about 'i'm your hyung we need some distance'#and he's okay with not having to carry the burden of being a leader on his own #he isn't this authoritarian kind of guy and thus they feel more like a community and that's so neat ♥#and (now it's time for my personal impression or whatever) he is such a chill guy and i love it! he doesn't care about distance in general #he feels super approachable. like the kind of guy that would get drinks with the fans after a gig under other circumstances #he also takes things seriously and he cares about music and ugh that's so neat #but he's also super super chill and i hope he keeps that part of himself ♥

22 notes · View notes

yuriyuruandyuraart · 11 months

Text

annoyed

#illustration #art #my art #utmv #cross #cross sans #cross!sans #xtale #xtale cross #xtale sans #human cross #human!cross #human cross sans #yuri finally draws a human guy?? shocker i know HHHH #i thought i'd practice drawing different facial structures and went with something other than fem cross and honestly?#i was being dramatic LMAO i'm not as bad at drawing dudes as i remember xD this was very fun to draw against all odds<333 #get ready to see more human bsg cause i've had their designs in mind since 2021 and i need to put this excess artistic energy somewhere HHG #sorry for the lack of activity btw i'm terribly busy with school :'D #i'm nailing my exams so far and i'm planning on keeping it up that way for as long as i can >:')#that and i'm learning things on the side...like coding!!!!#it's so fun and frustratingly difficult at the same time waa i need to find a course on how to make a game xd i have so many plans hehe >:)#thank you all for your patience muah muah<3333

85 notes · View notes

thatonecrookedsmile · 4 months

Text

From the depths of the studio - where darkness prevails and the voices of the puddles grow louder - a message is echoed to the rest of the world. A promise filled with hatred and,at the same time,with conviction. Words coming from someone who was more than confident that their blasphemy would come true.

A message that is directed to one creature,and one creature only...

"I will become the very being You never could be"

----- "A Promise Sent from Below" - Return to the Studio AU.

Oh hey, I have an AU, I forgot about that (lie)

I've had a similar idea in my head for a month now. It wasn't possible to do it last month, but no problem. May would make more sense. I did something with this little guy for 414 last year, and I wanted to do something with him again. April 14th of this year would not be possible, but May 14th or 15th? Oh yes. These dates are better because it was between these two (actually it was the 14th I think, but I consider both dates) days that I created this guy above! Consider this drawing a celebration made for…well, me. Of course, he wasn't created with the design above in mind. His original, main design is quite different from this alternative (and less original) iteration. The drawing above shows his current situation in the "current" moments of the RTTS AU.

His creation, which dates back to 2020, was the result of some Bendy-related thoughts of mine intersecting on the day. These being about new things in canon lore that came out at the time (plus speculation about this new information), a theory that at the time I started to understand better (which maybe based on the drawing, you probably know which theory I'm talking about ) and a funny bug found in one of the games (do you remember Ghost Bendy by any chance?) And then,boom. I created Atlas. I remember at the time I was thinking of other names for him because Atlas was just a codename that I had in mind to refer to him while I thought of a definitive name for the guy. But the codename ended up sticking. Plus, Atlas is a cool name and I wanted to give an OC that name.

Even though some details changed over time, I think I eventually managed to solidify his place in the AU. Not that his story is 100% thought out and completed. Hell, my AUs that I have are still not 100% thought out either, so what to expect from their characters. But I think that, currently, I have at least decided on the general idea of his place and purpose in RTTS, and I am happy with what I have come up with.

I don't know when the next time will be that I will show him again. In general, showing things from my AUs is not and probably will never be my strong point lol. But I'd like to draw him again eventually. So uhhhhhhhhhhh, one day. When that "one day" will be, it's up to you to decide

Happy Birthday Atlas. You and your other 2 alternative versions are cool to think about. Here's to another 4 years of chaos for you. 🙌

I can't believe it's been 4 years now, damn.

#bendy and the ink machine #batim #bendy and the dark revival #batdr #return to the studio au #bendy au #bendy oc #crookedsmileart #I found new a way to indicate which specific drawing refers to an AU or not #also writing that...thing at the beginning (drabble????) took a bit out of me #writing things like short story descriptions is so difficult; imagine writing a real fic #How can you all do this; seriously.#fanfiction writers are the real badasses;fr fr #about the “other 2 alternative versions” of Atlas; there are 3 versions of him that I have #the first is the one above; from the Return to the Studio AU. His main incarnation; I would say #Then there's his version in the Toon City Adventures AU; which varies a little from the RTTS version.#There are things in this version of him that I still need to rewrite #and then there's his non-Bendy version;#where I remove all the Bendy connections; and he is practically an original character with no connections to existing material #and play with him in some original stories that I put together in the back of my mind #I admit that this version is what I end up going back to a little more in recent times #But in the end I like all 3 equally #since last year's 414 art; I changed a few little things in his design; but still keeping the general idea in place #I'll eventually have to create a reference sheet for him;i guess #rtts au

16 notes · View notes

b-blushes · 4 months

Text

monday quest is to order the couple of supplies i need for a project. this is challenging to me because it combines 2 things that melt my brain: 'online shopping' and 'deciding between similar but subtly different things'. HOWEVER i can do it!!! and it will be fun to make things when they arrive >:) side quest make a different dinner, i have got some fresh fish to try and i have never cooked with it before due to we always bought it frozen. worst thing that can happen is it doesn't agree with my health stuff and i do not cook it again 👍 i'm making it so basic style for this reason. i feel like it could be delicious!

#monday quest #i was wondering why i was feeling so crazy insane like i would explode into one million pieces and amongst the fact that i woke up #so many times in pain last night and hurt a lot today. i remembered i'm waiting on 3 prescription requests to be approved so they can #be delivered to me before i run out AND i'm going to the dr within a fortnight. so. hahahaha :P that'll do it!!!!!#also it's my birthday soon which is good and fun and i am lucky to have fun things planned but that does not stop me from being worried #that i will get a bad grade in 'having a birthday' despite there being zero precedent for that :P u know how it is with anxiety 👍 (bad :P)#goal for this week: BE REGULAR and have regular days!!! literally so possible i just need to 1) stay present in the moment.#2) keep practicing the habit of not kicking myself through the days. and 3) DO MY EVENING ROUTINE AND GO TO BED ON TIME HELLO.#<- guy who is about 20-30 crucial irreplacable minutes behind schedule voice #so on that note goodnight everybody in the world unless it's daytime in which case i hope ur having a good day

13 notes · View notes

mellotronmkll · 4 days

Text

Think I've finally mastered she's an angel on accordion I'm so happy

#meaning i can finally get through the whole song without going Wait fuck cos i pressed the wrong key #so . so . so many tmbg songs i want to learn but the problem with practicing accordion is i find it hard to justify it to myself time wise #because like practicing guitar working on songs practicing recording is all stuff i need to do to keep working towards my goals music wise #even practicing piano is like i can justify it to myself but i do not need to be learning to play accordion its truly self indulgent #which is Fine because All of this is self indulgent anyway i dont need to be doing anything #i just feel guilty continuing to put off working on songs ive been meaning to finish so i can go play them and like stuff like that #and theres no way im putting accordion in my own arrangements ever that would be way too on the nose so its really just .#so that i can sometimes play tmbg songs and go Omfg this is so fun. which is okay it IS fun #after all why not . why shouldnt i learn to play accordion on the side just because that guy from my favorite band plays accordion. really #i also figured out how to play the third processional from house of mayors and now i wanna practice it til i can play it up to speed but #that feels like such a useless endeavour but isnt that true of almost everything we do in life...so ill do it anyways for fun

7 notes · View notes

basuralindo · 1 year

Text

Hey do you think Jamil has trouble seeing people his age as peers?

Like, growing up having to be a caretaker to a guy literally a few months older than him, always expected to act like the adult in the situation, expected to work with adults and adopt their perspectives and pick up their slack. Do you think he just, forgets sometimes?

I mean we've seen him go into caretaker mode with other sophomores, and the only people I've seen him take seriously are juniors like Vil who also act much older than they should have to (his reactions to Leona look more like a trauma response and I don't wanna get into it here). People like Malleus and Cater still somewhat get the caretaker treatment. Like I just highly doubt that he subconsciously realizes he's actually part of his age group

Aaand that inevitably brings up Azul, who also acts like he thinks he's older than he is. Whether you're looking at it from a shipping angle or not, he reacts to Azul like an actual peer. With older students, he seems more in his element but there's still a status hierarchy which he compulsively reacts to. With Azul he doesn't acknowledge any status worth respecting or see him as someone who needs to be looked after. He just bickers like an equal, in a way that implies he actually does see Azul as a real peer, like subconsciously he's categorized this guy into the same group as himself, who was previously alone on that level (he gets like this more with the twins too, over time, but it seems to start with Azul).

And my favorite part about this is, while that response stems from them both acting more like adults in general, they elicit a pettiness from each other which drags them both down to actually acting their own age, and I just love that. Their characters are perfect foils for each other and it seems to make them both less isolated in a way.

#idk how to fully explain this thought in the azul department #but other than that its... yeah. forced maturity is so fucking isolating #I'm not surprised the only people he seems to hang around with are the fish even though he claims to hate them #since they seem to be in a similar boat with that #jamil viper #on a more shippy note:#I feel like Jamil NEEDED someone who he didn't feel the need to respect. in order to avoid falling into programmed behaviors #he's able to be a person around Azul in a way that nobody else can give him #specifically because Azul CAN keep up. but doesn't command his respect in any way that his employers would force him to acknowledge #and stubbornly refuses to leave despite Jamil being an asshole in his desperate attempts to feel some sense of freedom and control #which results in him wearing himself out enough to calm down and socialize while actually being treated with respect and equality anyway.#And it seems like Azul needed to find someone that he couldn't just attain or control from behind his own walls #he's desperate for the attention of someone who refuses to let him play the role he's developed to distance himself from others #so he has to treat himself more like a real person in order to get what he wants #which is a guy who challenges him enough to prove that it's not just him and the twins vs the ignorant masses #he's spent so long building himself a fortress of wealth and arrogance to protect him from the rest of the world #and now he's faced with the fact that he can't stay in there and still get what he wants no matter how many well practiced tricks he uses #and suddenly they're both just teenagers bickering in school with a peer like everyone else for the first time in their lives #this got off topic

64 notes · View notes