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lilyevanstan1325 · 9 months

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🥀 Falling Apart 🥀

Chapter 1

Steve POV

"How are you, honey?" I ask closing my eyes.

"I'm fine"

"The girls?Jay?"

I sigh full of frustration.

"They're fine" she replies while I hear a cry, "Sorry Steve but I have to leave you, Jay has woken up.See you later"

"Yeah, sure.Bye"

"Bye" Lily whispers back and then hangs up.

I remain motionless staring at the phone clutched in my hand.

She didn't even give me time to tell her I'd be back sooner than expected.

I feel a bundle of nerves.

I feel that I could explode at any moment.

"Are you all right, hunk?" Nat asks watching me carefully.

I think about it for a moment.

I could continue lying as I have done for the last month.

I could continue to stick my head in the sand and carefully avoid addressing the problem.

But not today.

Today I feel particularly tired and on the verge of a mental breakdown.

Natasha continues to watch me without saying a word.

Her eyes as green as absinthe continue to bounce between me and the jet controls.

I put my phone in my pocket and then run my hands through my hair, ruffling it over and over.

"No, nothing is all right.I feel like everything is falling apart" I admit with a sigh.

I lean forward placing my elbows on my knees and lowering my head.

I find myself staring at my feet unable to hold the gaze of my friend, my best friend after Bucky.

Natasha and I had a wonderful friendship right from the start.

She helped me a lot.

She has always been able to understand me.

She was my whole world when I thought I no longer had anyone.

After a few more seconds I feel her hand squeeze my shoulder tightly.

"What's going on, Steve?" she asks me softly.

I squeeze my eyes tightly looking for the most suitable words to explain the situation I am experiencing, that Lily and I are experiencing.

I struggle to find the words because I am sure that once I have spoken openly with someone else the problem will become even more real.

We tried to ignore it, hoping it would disappear but over time it is only getting bigger and bigger.

I lift my head up to meet Nat's worried eyes.

"It's a mess at home.Things aren't going well with Lily" I admit feeling both light and defeated as a man.

Natasha sits down again in her place turning completely towards me, her posture is rigid.

My words struck her more than I imagined.

"What happens?Lily hasn't talked to me about anything"

"I think...I think she's ashamed of it.She thinks it's her fault"

The former Russian spy's gaze becomes more and more confused.

"What are you talking about, Steve?" she asks, changing posture and leaning forward, she places her hand on my knee.

His blond bob sways for a few seconds.

"You know you can trust me.Everything you tell me will stay between us"

I move my gaze from her hand to her face.

Her eyes are sweet and they contain all her concern for me.

I swallow empty feeling my chest tighten in a grip of pain.

"I really don't know where to start" I reply nervously, "Lily and I barely talk to each other, mostly we only talk about the children.In the past two weeks, things have gotten worse.By now on the phone she answers in monosyllables"

"Since I have been away on this mission she has never said I love you to me and I know it will sound stupid to you but we did nothing but repeat it and now it's five fucking days that she hasn't told me anymore.I told her but she just answered me with a simple yeah" I add in one breath.

Natasha looks at me sadly.

"How is this possible, Steve?Lily loves you, you have raised four wonderful children togheter.I can't believe that all your love has disappeared"

I stand up.

I feel nervous and I need to move.

I take a few steps back and forth trying to collect my thoughts.

"It'ss not gone.I love her even more than my own life and she too, I'm sure she loves me..."

"But?"

"But she has changed, Nat.Lily is no longer the same.She is so nervous.She...she is convinced that I don't want her like I used to.She is obsessed with the thought that in my eyes she is no longer attractive"

Natasha smiles.

"Why she would ever think that?"

I quickly look away from her eyes and this certainly doesn't go unnoticed.

"Steve, what aren't you telling me?"

Her question makes my heart beat faster.

But now that I have started this conversation I think it is useless to lie further.

"The problem is sex.The lack of sex"

Natasha's gaze hardens at my words.

She looks at me as if she is ready to tear my heart out of my chest and then dance on my corpse.

"Everything I could have thought Steve but not that you were that kind of man!Honestly what exactly do you expect from me?Comfort?Understanding?Jesus Christ, Rogers!What the hell is wrong with you?"

I look at her, blinking totally numb.

"Natasha I don't know what you're thinking but I think you don't understand" I stammer totally taken aback by her aggression.

"Oh no, I understand perfectly well.Listen to me!That woman has only given birth three months ago and if she doesn't feel ready for sex yet, that's okay!You can't..."

"Woah, woah!Slow down, Romanoff!You have completely misunderstood!" I interrupt her sitting down again in front of her and raising my hands in defense.

Her gaze tapers as she looks at me suspiciously.

"What do you mean?" she asks me crossing her arms to her chest.

I scratch the back of my neck feeling completely embarrassed.

Feeling like a complete idiot.

My gaze bounces from one point of the jet to the other.

For my part, I am confused by her question.

"Wait!" Natasha exclaims, "Please Steve, tell me that's not what I think" she adds, placing a hand in front of her mouth as if she is trying to hold back a nervous laugh.

I shrug feeling helpless.

"Steve!Oh, Steve!You can't turn down your fiancee like that.She has recently given birth, her hormones are in turmoil.You know how sensitive she is right now"

She sighs resignedly shaking her head.

We remain silent.

With my gaze lost in the blue of the sky I can feel her eyes burn on my skin.

"Why did you do that?And above all, did you try to explain to her why you did it?"

I shake my head, smiling briefly.

"A month ago Lily went to her gynecologist to check on how postpartum was going.She returned home happy, telling me that she was fine and the doctor told her that she could safely get back to doing...yeah...you know..."

"Sex.Rogers is called sex" Natasha interrupts me, giggling, making fun of me.

I roll my eyes.

"And what happened then?" my friend asks, in her eyes there is no malice but only a real interest for my problems.

"That evening, once we put all the children to bed, she started kissing me with the clear intention of having sex but I stopped her.I told her there was no rush, we could wait.Since that time it has been the decline.She accused me of no longer being attracted to her, that I rejected her because I find her fat" I spit angrily.

I hated every single word that came out of her mouth that night.

The accusations she made against me, besides being ridiculous, have offended me.

Does she really think I'm so superficial?

"But for you it's not like that"

"Of course it's not like that, Nat!I am crazy about her.Her body is perfect for me.She is perfect"

I don't think I could ever think otherwise.

It's true that her body has become softer, her hips are more generous and her breasts more florid but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing for me.

"And did you explain this to her?" Natasha continues with her questions.

A corner of my lips rises in a bitter smile.

"Obviously...but she has heard no reason.She kept yelling at me and coming up with inappropriate arguments"

Maybe that's what hurt me the most.

Her lack of faith in my feelings.

After four children and a marriage proposal she can't really think what she told me.

"Inappropriate?" repeats Nat.

"Yes, inappropriate.She came up with nonsense about Peggy"

"Peggy Carter?"

"Mmh mmh.She said that I am not satisfied with her and that she is just a replacement.It's just absurd that Lily could have thought such a thing" I mutter feeling the anger build up inside me.

Peggy was a very important person to me.

She believed in me when I didn't even believe in me yet.

It's true, there was a time when I thought she was the love of my life but all that before I met Lily.

After catching her gaze on that New York sidewalk, I realized how much I overestimated my feelings for Peggy.

"Peggy was my first love it's true.But Lily is the love of my life.She is the only one I want.And I can swear it on my kids that if Peggy were here I would still choose Lily, I will always choose her" I whisper with a lump in my throat.

I love Lily with every fiber of my being and I feel dying at the idea that she is slipping away through my fingers.

Natasha looks into my eyes intensely, from her gaze I understand that there is something she is not telling me.

"What?" I ask suspiciously.

Natasha continues to hold my gaze as she speaks.

"This has always been her biggest fear.Do you remember the first Christmas you spent together?That evening as we were getting ready, she confided something to me?"

I nod.

I remember that evening.

I remember it perfectly.

That night we made love for the first time.

That night I felt the most beautiful emotions of my life.

"That night she confided to me that she was afraid you didn't love her as much as Peggy.That she would always come second in your life.I was convinced you solved it, that she told you about it but she apparently never did" Natasha continues.

"Yeah...she didn't do it" I reply disconsolately.

We both sigh.

"I know it's my fault.Since James was born I have almost always been away for work.I abandoned her, I left her alone to deal with three girls and a newborn..."

"My priority should be my family.My woman.My children" I interrupt her abruptly but she smiles.

"Steve" Natasha stops me immediately placing her hand on my knee again, "Steve you haven't abandoned her.This is your job and she has always been proud of your being Captain America.Your priority..."

"But they are Steve, doing your job you make the world a safer place.Your priority is to make the world a better place for your family to live.You do it for them, don't forget it"

I know.

And that's why I haven't given up on everything yet.

Doing my job I try to make this world a better place, because I want my family to be safe.

"Listen to me, I don't question your good intentions Rogers.I know perfectly well that you are a good man.I know how much you love that woman and that you would do anything for her but you have to try to understand her...in six years she has had three pregnancies and four children.Her nerves are in pieces.Even though you have always been a wonderful father and a present fiance, she is the one under the most stress.The children are little and mostly depend on her and even though we have always been close to her, it doesn't have to be easy for her"

Natasha is right.

Her life was turned upside down by many events.

A man who took her mother away from her forever.

She lived for ten years in submission at the mercy of a mad man whom she believed to be her father, a father that almost destroyed her, who almost killed her.

A smile appears on my lips.

But Lily has always been stronger than she could ever imagine.

She defied space and time for me, she defied death to save me.

She defied death to give Sarah her life.

Lily gave me everything I ever wanted in life.

And how am I repaying her?

I am the first to die of desire for her and yet that evening of a month ago I rejected her because I naively thought I was doing her good.

Instead I didn't understand that she was just looking for confirmation and certainties from me.

I shake my head embittered.

"Damn, Nat!What if I ruined everything?"

Natasha next to me laughs throwing her head back.

"Don't bullshit, Rogers" she replies, continuing to laugh and turning to the jet control panel.

"Listen to me, tomorrow James and I will take the kids with us so you and Lily can have a nice evening together and maybe even a good night of wild sex"

I watch her as she disengages the autopilot and resumes the controls of it.

Nat winks in my direction making me blush slightly.

"I'm serious, Steve.You need some time for yourselves to find yourselves.To rediscover why you fell in love" she adds softly.

"Thanks, Nat" I murmur grabbing her hand and squeezing it hard.

Natasha smiles at me and then makes the jet land very gently on the Compound landing strip.

Now I just have to make a stop before returning to my house and groped to be forgiven by my fiancée.

When I reach the porch of our house the sun is about to set.

The white facade of the house is illuminated by the last rays of the sun and the sky shines with that wonderful orange-red hue.

I open the front door and the first thing that strikes me is the silence.

In our house, silence is a rare thing.

Especially since the twins were born.

I walk straight towards the kitchen but the room is empty.

I feel the panic rising up my gut.

Where are the girls?

And Jay?

Where is Lily?

For a moment, just for a moment, a terrible thought comes into my mind.

What if Lily decided to leave me and take our children with her?

I shake my head trying to push these absurd thoughts away.

Lily would never do that to me.

I feel like an idiot just for thinking about it.

I take off my jacket leaving it on the kitchen counter and with a brisk pace I go upstairs to Sarah's room.

It's empty.

I step into that of the twins.

This is also empty.

With my heart pounding furiously in my chest I approach our bedroom, the door is open and the image that appears in front of me warms my heart.

Lily is sitting on the wicker rocking chair in front of the large window.

Squeezed in her arms there is my little James.

Lily gently rocks herself, humming a tender lullaby.

Jay looks at her almost entranced.

The sunset light hits them, creating bewitching plays of light, giving the scene an ethereal beauty.

The sweetness enclosed in this image only reminds me how special this woman is.

Fantastic.

Lily is a wonderful mother, a caring and loving fiancee.

She still hasn't noticed my presence, too intent on pouring all her attention on Jay.

I leans against the threshold to observe her, totally enraptured.

After a few minutes her eyes lift up and she finally becomes aware of my presence.

"Hi" she whispers smiling softly.

God, how much I have missed her!

Her gaze lingers on what I hold in my hands and her cheeks are colored with a delicious shade of red.

I still love having the power to embarrass her after all these years.

"Are those for me?" she asks, returning her gaze to mine.

I rock in place slightly embarrassed.

The weight of the words we said to each other, that we shouted at each other, weighs on my heart.

"Yeah.I know how much you like sunflowers" I whisper as I approach her and place the large bunch of sunflowers in the vase on the dresser next to me.

Lily turns her head to the sunflowers.

"Thank you.They're beautiful" she murmurs.

"Where are the girls?" I ask as I get closer to her.

Lily smiles.

"They are at the Compound with Pepper.They're having their first sleepover tonight.Morgan and Peter were so excited I couldn't say no to them"

I reach down to her and pull Jay from her arms.

She lays him gently in my arms and sits watching me.

I shift my gaze to my baby's.

His eyes, blue just like mine, are watching me.

I lean towards him kissing his mop of black curls.

I take a deep breath of his sublime perfume, that perfume that only newborns have.

I sit on the edge of the bed and turn my attention back to my fiancée.

I observe her carefully.

She is wearing black leggings and one of my old t-shirts.

Her hair is pulled back into a messy bun and deep dark circles surround her gorgeous black eyes.

"I'm sorry" I whisper feeling small and insignificant.

Only now I am realizing how exhausting her days are.

Lily looks down without saying anything.

I rock Jay gently for another couple of minutes until his eyelids begin to flicker and after an adorable yawn he falls asleep.

I get up from bed continuing to rock him and paying the utmost attention I place him in his crib.

I cover him with a sheet and kiss his forehead.

"I love you, my little one" I whisper, stroking his little head.

I take a deep breath and walk up to Lily.

I kneel at her feet, grabbing her hands in mine.

"Sorry.Sorry if I wasn't here with you, here to help you"

Lily shakes her head.

"It's your job, Steve"

"That doesn't mean I don't feel guilty for often leaving you alone with four children" I whisper to her and then kiss the back of her hand.

Very slowly I approach her and rest my head on her lap.

After a few moments of hesitation, Lily begins to stroke my hair.

"I love you, Steve"

And at her words I return to breathe.

I lift my head bringing my gaze into hers, her little hand from my hair moves to my cheek and I rock in her touch.

Lily smiles leaning towards me until her lips are on mine.

It's a short kiss.

Full of whispered apologies.

Sweet but full of unspoken words.

"I love you too, honey" I reply.

I stand up and offer her my hand.

She looks at me curiously but without asking questions she grabs my hand and I help her to get up.

Once on her feet I draw her towards me locking her in my embrace.

My arms wrap her shoulders and she with a great sigh buries her face in my chest while her hands cling tightly to the fabric of my shirt.

We remain embraced wrapped in silence but after a few moments a small sob escapes from Lily's lips, immediately followed by another.

"Don't cry my babygirl.What happens?" I whisper in her ear.

I feel so helpless in front of her pain that I want to scream.

"I took my last shower three days ago" she whimpers against my chest.

I continue to hold her tight while I massage her back with one of my hands.

It sounds like an insignificant statement but to my ears it rings like a cry for help.

"It's alright Lily, it's alright" I try to reassure her.

I feel her sniff.

"I'm sorry to react like this, it's just that I feel a bit stressed"

"I know honey but now you don't have to worry anymore.I asked Fury for some free time.I promise you I'll be more present now" I whisper to her.

At my words Lily moves away from my chest showing me her red and shiny eyes.

I shak my head with a smile.

"But you love your job" she replies, almost shocked by the idea that I might want to take a break from it, "You love being Captain America, Steve"

"But I love you more.And our children" I reply simply by shrugging my shoulders.

Lily stands on tiptoe and kisses me, this time with a little more audacity.

Her tongue slides over my lips, a sweet invitation that I am unable to resist.

My hands wrap her face while giving more strength to our kiss I push her to tilt her head back.

A soft moan escapes her lips.

And for me it is heaven.

"How about we take this shower together?" I whisper sensually, sliding my lips along her neck and sucking her soft skin.

Lily just moans.

"Jay?"

"Jay is sleeping.And we'll be in the room next door" I keep murmuring with my lips on her skin.

She seems to hesitate a moment but then her hands sink into my hair and another moan escapes from her lips.

This is definitely a sign of surrender.

So continuing to kiss her I lift her into my arms making her legs wrap around my waist.

We resume kissing like two lovebirds and with a sure-footed step I walk towards the bathroom door in our room.

It is a small bathroom, equipped only with the necessary and a small shower.

Exactly everything I need right now.

Before crossing the threshold of the door Lily breaks away from my lips reaching out her arm towards my shoulders.

"Get the baby monitor" she whispers softly to avoid waking the baby.

I giggle rolling my eyes.

"Lily is not needed, we are a few steps from him"

"Please.Just for safety"

"Ok ok.You win" I mumble going back and grabbing the baby monitor with one hand, then I head back to the bathroom.

I put the little monitor on the sink and without even bothering to take off our clothes, with Lily still in my arms, I sling under the shower opening the water.

Lily giggles in amusement.

I put her down making sure she's steady on her feet and then go hungry on her lips.

Lily POV

Steve grabs the edges of my now soaked t-shirt and making me lift my arms he pulls it from my head.

I'm not wearing anything under it and his gaze lights up as if he had seen a mirror of water after days without drinking.

His eyes sparkle with hunger.

A hunger that I hadn't seen in him for a while.

The same hunger that grips my bowels.

He throws himself with arrogance on my sensitive breasts due to breastfeeding, making me jump with a sweet pleasure mixed with pain.

His soft lips wrap around a nipple and his sweet tongue licks it slowly.

I automatically arch my back, digging my hands into his soaked hair.

I moan trying to keep my voice low.

I don't want the baby to wake up.

But I don't want it for a completely selfish reason...

I don't want to interrupt this moment.

I don't want Steve to stop.

I know we have to talk and face what has happened in the last month but now I don't want to.

Now I just want to enjoy the feeling of his hands on my body.

Of his tongue on my body.

A shiver runs through me when his hands move on my hips and with a single movement he takes off my leggings and panties.

Leaving me totally naked under his eager and hungry gaze.

On the contrary, he is still fully dressed.

"You have a little too many clothes on for my tastes, Captain" I whisper sensually with a hint of disappointment in my voice.

I watch him as he kneels at my feet and very slowly grabs my right thigh and places it on his shoulder.

His crystalline gaze burns in mine.

"There will be time for that too.Now let your daddy take care of you.I've neglected you for so long that I can't forgive myself.Let me make amends" he whispers, moving his face closer and closer to my core.

I can feel his warm breath between my thighs and this is enough for me to go into ecstasy.

Steve sinks his face into my body and his tongue freaks me out.

He licks me slowly, long hot laps that make my legs tremble.

Then his mouth lingers on my clit, he gently squeezes it between his lips and then begins to sucks.

I gasp desperately in pleasure, my hands wander everywhere.

In his hair, on his shoulders, looking for a foothold to remain standing.

"I missed you so much" I gasp in spasms of pure pleasure.

Steve brings a hand between my legs and while his tongue takes care of the clit worshiping it, his fingers explore.

I feel them slide easily inside me and then move it in that way that I love so much.

My breathing quickens and the moans become more and more uncontrolled.

My hips move to meet the thrust of Steve's hand.

"Cum for me, my babygirl" Steve gasps on my sex giving me goosebumps.

I grab his hair between my closed fists and pulling them lightly I cum murmuring his name like a sweet litany.

Steve remains on his knees continuing to stimulate me until I feel my legs give way.

At that point he stands up and pressing his hard and firm body against mine he pushes me impetuously against the shower tiles, kissing me almost angrily.

His tongue enters my mouth overwhelmingly grabbing and plundering everything in its path.

Everything around us is a cloud of steam, the hot water continues to flow over our heads, washing away the last residues of anxieties and worries.

My impatient hands grab his shirt now soaked in water and with fingers trembling with pleasure they unbutton the first buttons but Steve seems impatient so without caring about anything he grabs the two ends and pulls them making the buttons pop.

"You know I will not mend it" I tease him while with my fingers I trace the sensual lines of his abdominal muscles where the drops of water chase each other eager to travel every inch of that body that seems to be carved in marble.

A hiss escapes Steve's lips as my fingers travel through that wonderful and sensual V and plunge into his pants, brushing his rock-hard erection that throbs anxiously to rejoin my body.

"I don't give a shit!" he whispers as he unbuttons his pants with impatient hands, lowering them down his muscular thighs.

"Language" I scold him, snatching a smile from him.

"In these cases I'm not a bigoted, my babygirl" he murmurs while with a last gesture he takes off his boxers, letting them fall at his feet.

"Oh in that case...why you don't fuck me right now, daddy?" I murmur blinking languidly as I wrap my fingers around his warm erection.

A cavernous growl resounds in his chest and grabbing my arms he spins me around until my back is facing him.

"Anything you want" he whispers in my ear grabbing my buttocks in his hands and penetrating me.

And despite the passion and the heat of the moment he does it softly, aware that it is the first time we have had sex since I gave birth to Jay.

My hands try to find a grip on the tiles made slippery by the water.

I moan slightly in pain trying to relax as much as possible to allow my body to get used to his sweet intrusion again.

"Are you okay, honey?" Steve asks me wrapping an arm around my waist while with the other hand he pushes my wet hair away from my face.

I nod unable to speak.

Everything is so painfully perfect that words struggle to find the way.

Steve kisses me leaning my head back and slowly begins to move inside my body.

His full length slides in and out of my pussy as his arm around my waist continues to help keep me on my feet.

His free hand goes down and teases my clit.

Steve panting nonstop in my ear sending bursts of pure pleasure all over my body.

My hands cling to the sides of his thighs, clawing at the flesh with my nails.

The hand that was immersed between my thighs goes up my stomach, touches my breasts as he passes by and then rests on my neck.

His strong, calloused fingers wrap perfectly around it, squeezing just enough to make another disarming orgasm overwhelm me, shaking every particle of my body.

Steve's grunts become more intense and stiffening from the pleasure I feel him cum inside me.

We stay still so letting our hearts resume beating at a normal pace.

I turn around in his arms, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing him softly.

"I missed you" I whisper on his lips.

"I missed you too"

We smile at each other but then a thought hits me with all the weight of it.

"Jay!" I exclaim in fear, poking my head out of the shower stall, looking at the baby monitor.

I was so taken with pleasure that I completely forgot about my little baby.

"Don't worry, Lily.He is sleeping.Look" Steve whispers reaching out and grabbing the baby monitor to bring it closer to my face.

On the small screen I see my little one sleeping blissfully.

I take a breath and relax, my heart begins to slow its furious rush.

Steve smiles at me and grabbing the shampoo he starts washing my hair.

We soap each other while continuing to steal kisses and caresses.

Words of love and moans are lost in the air evaporating around us.

Once we are dry and dressed, we go back to the bedroom.

The room is now plunged into darkness, the sun has set, and the only light on the room comes from a lamp.

Steve lies down on the bed but before I can reach him a little cry attracts the attention of both of us.

"I think someone is hungry" Steve chuckles as he leans his back against the headboard and crosses his arms across his chest.

His usually always perfectly combed blonde hair falls softly around his face.

His gaze seems much more relaxed than he has been in the last month.

And now I feel much better too.

I smile and approaching the crib I grab Jay and then go and sit on the bed next to Steve.

I lift my shirt allowing Jay to position himself comfortably in my arms and he eagerly latches onto my breasts.

Jay begins to feed from my breast while with his beautiful eyes he continues to observe me and his father who has moved and placed himself right next to us.

I shake my head, sighing in amusement.

"What's up?" Steve asks with a half smile.

"I was thinking that out of four children all four have your eyes.I find it unfair" I complain pretending to pout.

Pout that Steve never misses an opportunity to kiss making me laugh.

"Maybe the next one will have your eyes" he shrugs with indifference.

I glare at him with my gaze making him burst out laughing.

"I can't find anything funny in it, Captain Asshole!" I answer seriously and then let myself be infected by his joy.

I smile too, rolling my eyes.

We remain silent until Steve's voice brings me back to reality.

"I'm sorry, Lily.I'm sorry my actions led you to think those things" he murmurs.

I shake my head at his words.

"What?"

"You don't have to apologize, Steve.It's my fault.I'm sorry I accused you of those things"

We remain silent again.

Steve speaks again but this time he does it looking straight ahead.

"You're sorry but deep down you really think so, don't you?"

I think about it and wonder if I should continue lying or finally face my fears.

"Yes"

Steve sighs and then turns to me.

"I love you, Lily.Not Peggy.It's you the woman I want"

I feel comforted by his words but something inside of me hesitates in fear and this is not unnoticed to Steve.

"Listen to me" he whispers, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"Peggy was the first person I loved in a romantic way.You are the first and the only one I can say that I have truly fallen in love with.The moment my gaze landed on you for the first time, I knew I would never have a chance.I told myself that if I didn't try to get to know you, I would regret it for all my life.You are the only one.And you will always be" he adds, placing his lips on my forehead.

I close my eyes and let out a shaking sigh.

"I love you, Steve" I whisper, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I love you too" he answers me softly.

Jay has meanwhile finished and yawning snuggles against my chest falling asleep almost immediately.

Steve offers to put him back in his crib and once he's done he come back to bed.

And wrapped in his arms I spend the next few hours chatting about everything and nothing.

As we have not done for some time.

We chat until sleep envelops us in his sweet mantle.

An annoying noise awakens me from my state of bliss.

The sun rushes into the room illuminating the crib where Jay is still sleeping.

I try to sit up and blink frantically to get used to the daylight.

That annoying noise continues to vibrate in my ears and apparently also in Jay's as he nervously turns his little head from side to side as if he were trying to chase this ugly noise away.

I turn to the night stand and realize that that unpleasant sound is coming from there.

It's my phone ringing.

"What happens?" asks Steve's sleepy voice behind me.

I turn to him, checking my phone's display.

"It's my father" I yawned in confusion as I accepted the call.

"Hello?" I ask trying to get up because Jay has started to cry.

But Steve is faster than me, he gets up and with two big strides approaches the crib taking the baby in his arms.

Then he comes and sits next to me.

"Lily, you must come to the Sanctuary.Immediately"

My father's voice sounds alarmed.

"What's going on dad?"

"Is Steve with you?" he asks me without answering my question.

"Yes, he is here.Dad, you're scaring me.What happens?The girls?" my voice dies in my throat.

Maybe something has happened to the girls and my father doesn't know how to tell me?

At my question Steve stiffens.

His body is a bundle of nerves even though his grip on Jay continues to be as delicate as the wings of a butterfly.

"The girls are with Pepper but you and Steve need to come here right away!Move!"

So saying he hangs up without giving me the opportunity to ask further questions.

I stand up almost dazed, I feel confused.

Steve watches me closely.

"What's going on, honey?" he asks me while I'm already with my head in the closet looking for something to wear.

I pull out jeans and a simple white shirt.

"I...I don't know.My father looked really scared.I don't know!It's not like him...he just told me he wants both of us to be at the Sanctuary.Immediately" I exclaim while in the meantime I have already dressed.

I run to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I look in the mirror and a shiver runs down my spine.

There is something wrong.

Something horrible is about to happen.

I feel that.

I quickly get out of the bathroom and grabbing a bag I fill it with everything Jay needs, then I take the baby from Steve's arms and place him on the bed I begin to change him.

"Hurry up, Steve!Get dressed!I will open a portal to the Sanctuary" I exclaim without looking at him as I dress my child with automatic gestures and my heart swollen with fear.

I feel the tears rise to my eyes but I push them back strongly.

After all, I should have expected it.

I am a Guardian.

And now something is coming to threaten our peace.

I have decided to share my life with Captain America.

With the Avangers.

I should be ready but I'm not really.

"Lily?Lily, honey can you hear me?" Steve's voice brings me back to reality.

I shake my head trying to get all my cool back.

"Hold the baby" I murmur and then open a portal right in front of our eyes.

Blue sparks crackle all around us as we cross it and in a moment we are in front of the large wooden staircase of the Sanctuary.

Staircase that is currently destroyed, as if something had rained down from above and had shattered it.

I look up and realize that much of the ceiling is also destroyed.

What the hell is going on?

The portal closes behind me and the first thing I notice is Tony's shocked face.

What the hell is Tony Stark doing in my father's house at 10 on Sunday morning?

"What happens?" I ask, looking around in search of my father.

I find him next to Steve, he's taking his grandson in his arms.

And in that moment I notice them.

Two men in front of the staircase.

They are both very tall but have two completely different physicalities.

One of them is blond with long hair that falls over his shoulders and two eyes as blue as the sea.

His body is made up of a mass of muscle and strength.

His gaze looks good but there is something in his eyes that leaves me breathless.

A pain so palpable that it leaves me stunned.

The man next to him has a much slimmer build, has long black hair and eyes so green that they seem unnatural.

His austere and haughty gaze only observes me from the moment I set foot in the Sanctuary.

I think I know who they are.

Steve and the others told me about them.

"Thor!" Steve exclaims turning to the blond man and approaching him, the two men hugs.

Then Steve's gaze moves for a moment to the other man, looking at him with suspicion.

Everything lasts a few moments then his attention is completely refocused on Thor.

"My friend.I bring horrible news.I'm sorry"

And with that Thor sets his gaze on me.

I honestly feel totally unprepared for this.

I cross my arms across my chest, preventing panic from taking hold of me.

"What the hell is going on?"

My father looks at me continuing to hold Jay to his chest but doesn't answer me, it is Thor who does it.

"A lethal threat is upon your world.Thanos is coming here to get hold of the last three Infinity Stones" he murmurs in his dark voice.

My arms drop lifeless along my body.

"What are you saying, Thor?" Steve asks.

In his eyes I can see all the despair that Thor's words imply.

Someone is coming to get the Stones.

This means that my life and my father's are in danger.

"He's saying Thanos is a fool.And he will exterminate all your people to take possession of the Stones" replies the man with the emerald eyes.

I feel the chill invade my heart.

"Loki is right" adds Thor with his big teary eyes, "He exterminated all my people, Captain.Asgard no longer exists.My brother Loki and I are all that's left of it"

"What Stones do he owns?" I ask in a cold tone.

"He is in possession of the Soul Stone, Reality Stone and Power Stone.Already like this he is the most powerful creature in the universe" my father replies, turning to me for the first time since I arrived.

In his eyes there is all the pain of a father.

"If he could get his hands on all six Stones he could destroy life to an extent unimaginable to date" adds Loki.

Tony gets up nervously from his chair and starts pacing back and forth nervously.

He looks like he's about to say something but his phone rings.

He grabs it by responding promptly.

"Rhodey?What happens?" asks the millionaire in a worried voice.

He nods a couple of times while remaining silent.

"Ok ok.Hold on" he exclaims, hanging up.

"What happens?" I ask.

God today I seem to be a broken record.

"Barton just showed up at the Compound, with him are Wanda and Vision.Vision is seriously injured.Apparently Thanos' men found him but they managed to escape"

I try to listen to what Tony says but in my head only his first words ring out.

Barton just showed up at the compound.

At the Compound where my girls are at the moment.

"Steve!" I whimper agitatedly.

He immediately approaches my side, the curious gazes of the two Asgardian brothers follow his every movement.

Steve wraps his big hands around my face.

"The girls are at the Compound" I whisper full of terror.

This Thanos and his men seem cruel and unstoppable.

What if they break into the Avengers headquarters?

Steve's anguished gaze is the mirror of mine, he too is thinking the same thing.

He bends down to kiss my forehead.

Tony approaches us.

"Captain, you better go to the Compound.Natasha and the others need you.Take Jay with you, once you get there Pepper will take all the children to a safe place" murmurs Tony equally terrified.

His children are also there.

Paul, the son of Sam and Layla, is also there.

Steve shakes his head letting go of my face.

"I will not leave you!" he exclaims with conviction.

I smile sadly as I approach him who in the meantime has moved away from me reaching Thor's side.

"Listen to me, babe!Here, there is nothing you can do"

"Here I have you to protect" he interrupts me.

I smile with my heart swollen with love for this wonderful man.

"I can take care of myself Rogers, have you forgotten that?" I tease him but he doesn't let himself be provoked.

He doesn't smile.

Infinite emotions pass on his face.

Anger, fear, torment, wrath.

I get a little closer and grab his hands.

"Take Jay with you.Keep the children safe.I will arrive as soon as possible.I promise you" I whisper, hating me with all of myself.

I'm making him a promise that I know is going to be really hard to keep.

And he knows it too.

"Take care of our children.Tell them mama loves them" I murmur in a tearful voice.

Steve wraps me in his arms, squeezing me against his body.

His trembling hands caress every part of my face.

"This is not a goodbye" he hisses in anger and then kisses me wildly, ignoring all eyes on us.

When he lets me go, I reach my father.

"Give me the baby, dad" I whisper.

My dad hugs Jay and kisses his head.

"See you soon, my sweet boy" he whispers, laying him in my arms.

I take a moment to impress the scent of my baby in my memory.

I feel the tears push against my eyes at the thought that I may never see him again.

At the thought that I can't hug Sarah, Sophia and Natalia to say them goodbye.

"I love you, James.I love you so much.I do it for you and your sisters.I hope someday you'll understand me, my choices" I whisper in his ear as I approach Steve.

Steve takes the baby from my arms and my father opens a portal for him.

I thank him with a sad look, at the moment I'm so out of my mind that I don't know if I would have succeeded.

"I love you, Elisabeth.Come back to us" my wonderful fiance pleads me.

I nod.

"I love you too, Captain" I whisper.

The portal closes again, depriving me of their sight.

A trembling sigh leaves my lips.

"It's going to be okay, little Strange" Tony whispers at my side.

"I hope so" I reply devoid of any emotion.

Thor continues to observe me, his undeterred gaze begins to tire me so I begin to stare at him in turn raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't know that Captain Rogers had a family with the Guardian of the Space Stone.How many children do you have?" he asks me.

I think back to my beautiful family and a big smile spreads on my lips.

"Four" I murmur feeling a lump tighten my throat.

But now is not the time to bask in pain.

Now we need to find a plan to follow.

I turn to my father who has already regained all his composure.

His gaze is serious and lucid now.

"How long do we have?" I ask him.

Thor seems to want to answer but Loki silences him with a wave of his hand.

All our eyes are now on him.

Loki ignores us and approaches the large entrance door.

From its glass we see people running in despair, screams of pure panic echo in the street.

My feet seem to move on their own, I pass by Loki opening the door in front of me.

I go out into the street and the scene that appears in front of me is surreal.

There are people who scream and run away.

At a brisk pace I head towards the point from which all these citizens are fleeing.

It's panic out here.

A woman falls at my feet, I bend down to help her and while I help her to get back on her feet a car swerves and crashes into a light pole just a few steps away from us.

The screams of people are getting louder and more frightening.

"You better hide your Stones" Stark yells behind me.

"Or maybe we will have to use them" murmurs my father who joined me.

We both prepare for the fight.

Thor and Loki are behind us.

They too seem ready to fight.

Turning the corner, we all stop suddenly and remain speechless.

Up in the sky, a kind of spaceship is approaching, remaining suspended a few hundred meters above the ground.

All five of us approach cautiously when suddenly a ray of blue light hits the ground and two strange figures appear from it.

One is more than 7 feet, is huge and he holds a kind of extremely creepy ax in its hands.

The other is much lower.

He doesn't look as scary as his friend but something makes me say that he is much more powerful.

They look humanoid but they're face have something that reminds me of mollusks.

Their skin is gray and their black eyes seem devoid of any depth.

"Hear me and rejoice.You are about to die at the hands of Thanos' children.Be grateful that your insignificant lives now contribute to the balance..."

"I'm sorry but the Earth is closed today!You better pack your bags and leave" exclaims Tony interrupting the ranting of this strange being.

The monster looks at Tony with a sort of contempt in his gaze and ignoring his words turns his attention to me and my father.

"Guardians of Stones.Does this talkative animal speak for you?" he asks almost annoyed that he has been interrupted.

I take a few steps forward sliding my power through my hands.

Blue sparks wrap around them going up my arms.

"You have boundless both in this city and in this planet!" I scream.

"It means go away, Squiddy!" Stark adds disgusted.

Behind me my father projects his magic into his hands as he prepares for the fight.

Thor holds a large hammer in his hands while Loki whirls some knives in the air.

Tony by my side gives me a wink and after a moment the Iron Man armor is all around his body.

The disgusting aliens in front of us doesn't seem to be making a move.

He just sighs and turning to the monster to his right murmurs "All this wears me out.Bring me the Stones"

And at his words that monster of more than 7 feet begins to inexorably advance towards us.

But if until a few minutes ago I felt scared and unprepared now it is no longer the case.

I feel charged with a new strength.

If I want to keep the people I love safe, I have to fight with all my strength and abilities.

And now here we are.

The fight is about to begin and I will not allow anyone to harm my children, my Captain, my friends, my family.

I will fight.

Thanos will regret attacking Earth.

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aloeamarsea · 1 month

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interns

twenty-two when i met you. navy blue dress pants, light blue button up and the matching caramel oxfords and belt. the tuesday after labour day. we were interns - imposture syndrome, overdressed, shy and soft-spoken.

you thought your accent was stronger than it was, I understood everything you said. you thought your acne made you unattractive, you thought they undermined your skills, you thought they had no interest in getting to know you. you and your story.

I'll never forget you. you and your story. the way you lit up when you talked about shenzen. the way you rolled your eyes when you talked about your boss. i wish you saw him after you left - he got into a bike accident a month later and had a bruised face and broken arm. he couldn't look at me in the eyes because he knew you told me all about him.

half an hour late and maybe you were right - we probably shouldn't have gone in to the town hall meeting because of all the stares we got. thank you for letting me convince you because that is my favourite memory with you. two interns trying our hardest to control our laughter. i hated seeing you tense because i know that you just wanted to laugh - i miss that laugh.

you wanted to go out for pho later that week. i've never tried it before so i made up an excuse to get out of it. i've still never had pho. but what i'd do so that i could go back and try it with you.

I was so mad at you when i found out. i was young and i guess building armour helped me make sense of what happened. it took me years to forgive you. i started dating someone two weeks after your funeral. i think this was my way of refraining from mourning you.

it also took me years to realize when you said goodbye. you hugged me three times that day. you got me a pastel de nata.

it took me seven years to eat another pastel de nata - i think they will always remind me of you. i miss you but i appreciate you leaving me with something to remember you by. i hope they have a bakery in heaven with them.

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mygainyear2024 · 5 months

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Day 27 I ate a Dom Rodrigo and I liked it!

Today I had so many options. I really wanted to go find those flamingos in the Rio Formosa Lagoon, as it was beyond where I was headed today, to meet Esther in Vilamoura. I was excited to see Vilamoura, apparently a little more expensive to live than other places I've seen. Esther is one of four women who responded to my FB post earlier this year, seeking travellers / expats to catch up with. I've now met three of them (Crystal from the US, Rosie from Canada and Esther from South Africa), I'm not sure what's happened to the fourth!

I decided this morning it was a bit too ambitious to head out to Vilamoura at 10.30am, a one hour drive, catch up with Esther, then potentially drive another hour, then go on a flamingo hunt in an area that I'm not familiar with on my own. There were so many other options I'd thought about asking Esther’s opinion on instead.

Esther, like the waiter I'd met in the first week, left South Africa five years ago with her Portuguese husband and two children because of safety concerns. Esther mentioned her father had been murdered there, her mother had been attacked (she said luckily not raped), she had been involved in a car hijack and her husband I think an armed robbery, bloody hell, no wonder she's taken to liking cocktails, after 20 years of not drinking. They arrived and her husband became an Uber driver and then COVID hit and they were eating into their savings. He now does Uber driving and is a real estate agent, but that sounds very competitive here. Esther has started to do cleaning and gets paid €12 per hour. She was so surprised when I told her I pay $40 per hour and that's cheap in Australia. Esther mentions the more exclusive areas, where the footballers and other famous people live is not that far, in Quinta do Lago and Vale do Lobo. I was keen to visit.

After one coffee and a pastel de nata, then another coffee, I asked Esther if she wanted to join me wandering around the marina at Vilamoura. We were headed to lunch at an Indian restaurant she'd recommended but sadly it was closed. We ate pizza and drank a glass of wine instead and she was keen for me to try a cocktail, rattling off how yummy Sex on the Beach and a few others were. I think she assumed I might not have drunk cocktails before! She rang her husband for a bar recommendation and we ended up at an Irish Pub called Northwoods. It was pretty empty apart from five guys and a rather grumpy woman who said there'd be no cocktails until the real bartender arrived. We said we'd wait. We got talking to Stewart, from Glasgow I think. He moves between Scotland and Vilamoura. We then couldn't help but engage with the other four guys who were singing about three lines of some song quite loudly and badly. Well that then gave them licence to join us. Four pissed Scottish dudes from Fife, over for a few days of golf. It was like they'd never met an Australian woman in Portugal before, in fact they pretty much said so. They asked if I played golf! I said the game was a bit too boring for me and I got them quite worked up when I knowingly called the clubs "sticks"! They were all talking over each other to me, it was quite chaotic for a while. I challenged them to a push up competition, one dude took me on and lost! The one wearing my sunglasses in the picture below. Luckily they needed food and I declined their offer to join them for a Chinese buffet! They departed quoting from Crocodile Dundee about the knife!

I then carefully drove the one hour home, knowing that I'd be adding another degree of difficulty, driving at night! Stewart told me driving on the N125 was dangerous and I should take the toll road. I'll be checking out turning the tag on for the two remaining days I have the car. The Portuguese don't seem to obey roundabout etiquette and I've checked my understanding of what lane I'm supposed to be in to go straight. I now realise I've been driving in the overtaking lane, and I need to check that what I'm assuming is the give way sign onto a highway might be a merge sign!

I made it home! Cooked myself a late dinner and ate the Dom Rodrigo I purchased in Lagos yesterday. It's interesting the woman at Casa da Isabel didn't think I'd like it, but it tastes pretty good, like a much softer baklava. It's a local sweet made with egg strands, ovos moles, almond kernels, sugar and cinnamon, having been served throughout its history in three different ways. The first was in the form of a candy, the second was served in a porcelain bowl, so it could be eaten with a spoon and the third is served wrapped in coloured aluminium foil, in order to draw more attention to it, but still needs to be eaten with a spoon!

In case anyone is curious about my Netflix, I've moved from Baby Reindeer (what a head fuck that series was) to Nyad (great movie) and now about to watch Derry Girls! It’s ok Leigh Sales has only just started watching it too!

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umichenginabroad · 6 months

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Madrid Week 9/10: Viva Italia (part 2… part 1)

Hola a todxs!

Niko back here with week 9 of my study abroad experience. I’m a week late on this one... because last week was spring break (semana santa/holy week, the week leading up to easter)! I was a bit tied up with traveling (which I’ll get into in this blog), so I couldn’t find any time to write. The positive (or negative based on how much you like my writing 🥲) is that I’ll be posting two blogs this week about the trip to make it more digestible, since there is a lot to tell.

So, the week leading up to Spring break was filled with a little bit of scrambling to get all of my stuff done (a paper for Spanish and a presentation for my culture class, which I also think I’ll end up writing a blog about), but once Friday hit, I was free — ready to immerse myself in the true Italian experience 🤌.

The amount of culture in Italy is pretty crazy — I don’t know many other European countries with as many iconic cities as Italy, except for maybe Spain. Beautiful and historically significant places are sprinkled throughout all 301,340 square kilometers, and I think it’s safe to say that I’ve seen a lot of it. Italian fashion, history, wine, geography, and food are also iconic.

It’s also safe to say that I won’t be eating pasta or pizza again for a couple weeks now. I ate primarily carbs for every single meal, and I honestly don’t know how I didn’t end up feeling terribly weak or something like that halfway through due to the lack of protein and nutritious diversity. Quality ingredients I suppose?

Now, I’ll walk through each destination of my break in mini chapters and reflect a bit about each one.

24 hours in Lisbon

When planning out the trip, the cheapest flight that we could find routed us through Lisbon to get to Rome. Seems counter intuitive, I agree, but that’s how it worked out. For the first leg of this trip, I was traveling with one of my Madrid roommates and 3 of his friends that he knew from his hometown.

We had just under 24 hours to get a feel for the city. My conclusion: Lisbon has a wonderful energy. The buildings are beautiful and the narrow streets have a playful way of winding through the city. There are hills in every direction, cute yellow trams bustling about, and the Atlantic ocean is never too far away. I'd already been to Lisbon with my family a few years ago, but it was really nice to experience it from a more grown up perspective.

We went on a free walking tour (pro tip — free walking tours aren’t actually free. Get cash beforehand for tips so you aren’t scrambling to find an ATM when the tour ends [spoken from experience]), listened to a busker perform beautiful Bossa nova (not Portuguese, I'm aware) at an overlook of the city, ate Pastel de Nata (fire af, highly recommend), and zoomed around a little bit on Lime scooters before getting back to the airport to catch our flight to Rome. Pictures tell the better story than I could!

When in Rome

The amount of time we said “When in Rome” or “Hey, Rome wasn’t built in a day” was probably too high to shamelessly write down in this blog, but I don’t regret saying a single one. I mean hey, when in Rome, right?

If you plan on going to Rome, especially during easter, this is the best piece of advice I could give you: book things far, far in advance. I thought it would be cool to book museums and whatnot the weekend before.

Terrible idea. Everything was sold out, and I had to resort to booking expensive tours and second party resell tickets in order to see what I wanted to see. Hopefully, my bank account took the L so that no prospective Italy spring breakers have to. Book in advance from the official websites, and pay the little bit extra to skip the line!! It is worth it.

Rome has an incredible energy that is really enhanced by the history that flanks every inch of it. Anyways, what did I see that I didn't book in advance?

The Vatican Museums/St. Peter's Basilica: pretty insane how beautiful every inch of that building is. Unfortunately, because I was on a timed tour, I didn’t get to fully appreciate all of the art that was in the Museum, but I got a good long while in the Sistine Chapel, which is simply marvelous. The Creation of Adam is truly epic. Michelangelo is the goat. After this trip, I’m a big fan. Michelangelo also designed St. Peter’s Basilica, which I climbed to the top of. It’s also epicly huge and beautiful, and offers amazing views of the city.

The Colosseum: worth going inside — especially if you have a good imagination. Looking down at the arena floor, I imagined gladiators brutally fighting to the death with bloodthirsty Romans sneering and cheering them on from all sides. That happened right where I was standing. Even a peasant in the nosebleeds would have been close enough to the action and seen the killing in gruesome detail.

The Roman Forums: also a big imagination thing. Imagining standing in the center of Rome, massive white marble buildings towering above, cheering peasants on all sides, while the Roman emperor parades through the streets with golden chariots filled with riches pillaged from far away lands.

The Borghese Gallery: Probably my favorite thing in Rome. The pictures speak for themselves, some of the most impressive sculptures I’ve ever seen in my life (close tie with the David in Florence).

The Pantheon: It's crazy how old this thing was (like 2000 years), and how good of a condition it's still in. That's what happened when you transform a pagan temple into a church, I guess.

Rome itself: Rome is also filled with beautiful, free to access public Piazzas and monuments that are also worth visiting. There is a distinct vibe to each neighborhood, tons of delicious food, cool sunset spots, and good vibes both day and night.

My best recommendation for truly experiencing the epic history throughout the country? RICK STEVES! Rick Steves has audio guides for almost all the biggest tourist attractions in a ton of Italy (and the rest of Europe!) His guides are funny, help you visualize, are super informative, and most importantly, FREE! Using his guides really added to my experience, I listened to them every chance I got. Click here for his Italy guide.

On Tuesday, the friends that I came with left to see other parts of Italy I hadn't planned on visiting, while I took an extra day to explore Rome. I engaged in some Solo-traveling (my first true solo travel of the semester), and my confidence in spending time alone and building connections grew. I stayed in a hostel for two nights and ended up meeting a fellow solo traveler, who happened to be Argentinian. We formed a meaningful connection, and shared mate on Thursday morning — a custom I really missed from my time in Buenos Aires.

Fire-nze 🔥

For those of you who didn’t know (I didn’t before going to Italy) Florence is called Firenze in Italian. Not sure where that distinction came from. But I like it.

I stayed with a home friend of mine, Shea (she stayed with me in Madrid a few weeks ago) who is studying there for the semester. I spent four days in total in Florence, two of which I used to take short day trips to nearby cities.

Florence is the birthplace of the Renaissance. As a result, the museums there are pretty insane. The Uffizi has the most impressive collection of Renaissance paintings, probably in the world, with works from Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, Raffael, and more. The Rick Steves tour is great for this one.

The Accademia is home to Michelangelo’s the David. More about how seeing it made me feel in the reflection section. But it’s epic.

Florence also has a pretty insanely huge church, the Duomo, and the story about how it was designed is also crazy. In conclusion, the Renaissance men are goated. They were literally good at everything, art, sculpting, engineering, architecture, you name it, they could do it. How I’m tryna be for real.

Going ta’ Bologna (I tried to make it rhyme i'm sorry)

My day spent in Bologna was one of my favorites this trip. I took a day trip there alone from Florence, a quick 1 hour train ride. Bologna has an amazing vibe. It smells fantastic everywhere (food markets, soap shops, flowers, etc. Beautiful.). It felt really local. There were a good amount of tourists, but Italians far outnumbered them, which was a different story from Florence and Rome, both of which were pretty overwhelmed (especially true in Easter week).

Bologna is also a University Town, so it was filled with young people and overall had a great energy. I spent the day just exploring, eating (I had the best lasagna of my life. Bologna is known for its food scene and it did not disappoint. Ever heard of spaghetti Bolognese? Yeah.), and did a mini pilgrimage to see a cool monastery on a big hill. Fantastic vibes overall, 100% would recommend seeing.

_________________

I would have included more pics, but I was limited by tumblr lol. I’ll discuss the rest of my trip and some big reflections I took away from it in the next post I’ll make soon! If you’re reading this after I’ve already posted all the blogs, you can find the next post here.

Ciao,

Niko Economos

Aerospace Engineering

Universidad Carlos III de Madrid

Madrid, Spain

[email protected]

#UmichEnginAbroad #IPEUC3M #NikoEconomos #IPEWinter24 #Spain

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maximoffcarter · 3 years

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Special day.

Pairings: Natasha x reader

Summary: "If this was your last birthday party you were gonna have, how would you celebrate it?" "I'd do whatever I wanted to do with whoever I wanted to do it with."

A/n: I have to thank you all of you who took the time to send a private message telling me how they loved my stories, you truly don't know how much that meant to me🥺 There will be more stories coming, there'll be a new Wanda series coming next week😬

Natasha laid in her bed staring up at her ceiling as she let her mind wander around, full of thoughts and things that didn’t even make sense. but she couldn’t think of another thing at the moment. She turned her head to look at the clock and noticed it was already 7 am. Saturday already. They didn’t have anything planned for today, she knew everyone had their own routine but specially today, she didn’t have anything planned.

Unlike other people that always seemed to have plans for their birthdays. Oh yes, it was Natasha Romanoff’s birthday. But it wasn’t a big deal for her, it has never been. No one ever knew about her birthday, no one ever did anything for her on her birthday, she just didn’t think it was a special day.

Why would it? She was born in that day but that didn’t make it any special. They always showed her that it was just another normal day; training, ballet, fighting, sometimes missions, sometimes she ended up hurt so she had to hide in her room. There has never been a special birthday, there has never been a special day. But she wondered…how it would be like to have a special day? How it would be like to celebrate a birthday? She remembered that one time she was at Tony’s party, and he asked her what she would do if it was her last birthday party, her answer had been just an answer, but now that she thought about it, she had meant it. I’d do whatever I wanted to do with whoever I wanted to do it with.

She thought about it for another minute until she decided to get up and change her clothes. As soon as she got ready, she left her room trying to not make any sound to not wake anyone up. She knew probably Steve was already awake but locked in the training room. She looked around for a moment and noticed there was nowhere awake, so she walked to the one room she already knew perfectly. She opened the door quietly and walked in, noticing that y/n was still asleep. She grinned softly as she closed the door behind her and walked quietly to the bed, climbing slowly until she moved on top of y/n.

She leaned down as she caressed y/n’s cheek. “Y/n…wake your little lazy ass up.” She whispered softly in her ear.

Y/n groaned as she shook her head. “Let me sleep, Romanoff.” She mumbled.

“Nope. You gotta wake up. We are going out.”

“Do we have a mission?” She opened one eye and noticed how close Natasha was and blushed softly as she felt her hand on cheek.

“Not really. It’ll only be you and I.”

Y/n opened her eyes and furrowed her brows. “Odd. But…okay.”

Natasha smiled and stood up and went to y/n’s closet. She grabbed some clothes and threw them to y/n. “Hurry up before everyone notices that we are leaving. You have 8 minutes.” She winked before she left the room.

Y/n stood from her bed as she stretched and furrowed her brows but smiled as she shook her head.

____________________

“I am not getting on your motorcycle.” Y/n crossed her arms.

“Don’t be such a cry baby and get on. I have helmet for you.” Natasha offered the helmet as she smiled.

Y/n sighed as she grabbed the helmet. “It’s freaking 7:30 in the morning, the sun has been out for less than an hour now. You woke me up on a Saturday and now you want me to get on this deadly thing.” She said as she put the helmet on and sat behind Nat, wrapping her arms tightly around her. “This helmet is crushing my skull.”

“Don’t worry, you won’t die today.” Natasha teased as she started the motorcycle and drove away.

Y/n was still confused about this sudden idea of taking her somewhere that it wasn’t a mission. She has always been close to Natasha ever since she joined the team thanks to Tony, but she knew how the woman was quiet and secretive, so it surprised her when Natasha had gotten close to her, and she had started to joke or even tease her about random things. They would even watch movies together, have dinner in Natasha or y/n’s room, even nap together if they were really tired. She wasn’t sure how she got the chance to get this close to her, but she couldn’t deny that she was happy about it, knowing perfectly how she was around the others.

She had to admit that she enjoyed the nice cold breeze and being this close to Natasha. She noted that she would try without the helmet in the next ride. After 30 minutes of the ride, Natasha finally stopped in a small diner that seemed to be opened 24 hrs so it was obvious it was open now. She got the helmet off and followed Nat inside, both of them sitting in a booth, y/n sitting in one side and Natasha in the other. Y/n looked at Natasha carefully as the waitress gave them the menus. When the redhead noticed, she tilted her head as she smiled.

“Yes?” Natasha asked as she raised her brow.

Y/n squinted her eyes. “Is it a special day or something?”

Natasha shook her head. “No. Just a little getaway.” She shrugged.

“You don’t usually do getaways, Romanoff.”

“There’s always a first time for everything, isn’t it?” Natasha grinned.

Y/n smiled softly as she nodded. “You’re right.”

“So stop thinking and just enjoy the day. We don’t always have days like this. And who knows when we are going to have another one.”

“Deal.” Y/n grabbed the menu. “I’m paying this one. You pay dinner.” She smirked softly as she looked down. “This also counts as cheat day, right? Cause I am truly craving a big breakfast.”

Natasha only laughed at this and nodded. For the next few minutes they talked about random things, nothing too specific or even important, they just kept laughing, making jokes, and teasing each other. It wasn’t how Natasha thought her day would go, it was just the start, and she was already enjoying it, and there was still more in her mind to come. After they food arrived, they went silent until y/n started picking from Natasha’s food and they started a little playful argument, which then turned into them sharing their food and just enjoying each other’s company.

“You have to try this. Come on. It’s the last bite!” Y/n offered her fork to Natasha as she grinned. Natasha rolled her eyes but took the fork in her mouth. “I knew you’d like it.”

“Shut up.” Natasha rolled her eyes as she took y/n’s milkshake and drank from it.

“So…what’s next for the adventure?”

“Oh so now it’s an adventure?” Natasha raised her brow.

Y/n smiled. “Everything is an adventure with you, Romanoff.”

Natasha smiled at this and then sighed. “We’re walking. Haven’t decided the destination just yet.”

“Sounds good either way.”

They both walked out the diner after they were ready and Natasha started the motorcycle, offering the helmet again to y/n as she sat down behind her. Y/n shook her head and Natasha furrowed her brows.

“What? It’s crushing my skull.”

“Or you just want the full experience.”

“Or I trust you.” Y/n grinned as she wrapped her arms around Natasha’s middle.

Natasha only smiled at this. As soon as they left the diner, they ended up in Coney Island, walking around and just enjoying the beautiful sunny day. They even went to small stores and tried different things, y/n just trying to get her to laugh. They did what Natasha had never done; jut have a nice day out, buying snacks, laughing, with a good company. She had thought she’d want something like Tony had done, getting drunk, enjoying a party but no…she had chosen this, and she had no regrets.

“You know, I let you try it because it was good, not for you to take over my ice cream.” Y/n joked as she took the ice cream from Natasha.

“Your fault. You shouldn’t have shared then.” She licked her lips as she looked at y/n.

Y/n’s breath hitched as she stared at her but smiled softly to cover her nervousness. “Right.” She chuckled nervously and went back to eating the ice cream, handing it to Natasha afterwards.

At some point people stared at them and smiled, Natasha wondered what they thought when they saw them. And then y/n had grabbed her hand and they walked around holding hands; if it would’ve been anyone else, she’d have punched them in the face and had made sure that they would never do this again. But having y/n holding her hand, how perfectly they just fit each other, it was impossible to not want this. They arrived to a small place, making y/n confusing as to why it seemed to be dark. As soon as they got in, Natasha went over to pay and then she pulled y/n with her.

“What is this place?”

“We’re gonna smash things.” Natasha smirked as she pulled y/n to a room, and they grabbed special clothes they had to use.

“You’re not gonna kill me, are you?”

“Do I have a reason to?”

Y/n shrugged. “I let you drink my favorite milkshake and I also let you eat half of my ice cream.”

Natasha shook her head. “Then no, I’m not.” They both walked out of the room and finally got to their space, finding different types of weapons they could use. “So…there are no rules here. Other than…of course not hitting each other.” She grabbed a bat and handed one to y/n. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” Y/n grabbed the bat. “Do the honors.”

Natasha chuckled and smashed one of the boxes in front of her, making y/n laugh at how fast she had destroyed it. Both women started yelling and laughing as they destroyed the rest of the boxes, including all furniture that they had around them. Natasha stopped for a minute just to stare at y/n, noticing how happy and excited she looked, she knew somehow this worked for both of them, leaving all the stress behind. Natasha kept smashing things with y/n until they were done with all of it, both of them panting as they looked around.

“I might have seen Tony’s face in many of these boxes.” Natasha shrugged as she looked at y/n.

Y/n laughed as she nodded. “I know the feeling, I might have too.” She wrapped her arm around Natasha’s shoulders as they walked out.

After leaving the place, both of them had continued to walk for a few more minutes, at some point holding hands again, making Natasha feel comfortable and happy enough to let her do it, now it could be something she could get used to. They hadn’t noticed the time until the decided to sit at the beach, taking their shoes off and finding the perfect spot for them to sit. The sunset was near to come, something y/n had always wanted to watch and enjoy with someone. She was just glad it was with Nat.

“How’s your day been so far?” Y/n turned to look at Natasha as she smiled.

“It’s been nice.” Natasha looked back at y/n and offered a smile. “Are you still mad I woke you up?”

Y/n shook her head. “Not really. I’m having fun.” She smiled. “Why me?”

“What do you mean?”

Y/n shrugged. “You had Steve, Tony, Bruce, even Thor, he would’ve said yes.” She chuckled.

“Well…I wanted you. Not them.” Natasha simply said as she turned her head to look at the water and how the sun reflected on it.

Y/n blushed softly even if she knew it didn’t mean much to her. She sighed as she did the same as Natasha, just enjoying the sudden silence that surrounded them. She was never one to push, Natasha had spoken on her own, she had told y/n about her story in parts, sometimes she told the whole story, sometimes she just said bits of it, but y/n still listened to whatever she had to say. She was thankful and happy that Natasha would trust her enough to talk about her past and that made her understand why Natasha’s personality was like that, she couldn’t blame her. But just the fact that she trusted her enough for it, it was more than she could’ve asked for.

Natasha stood up as offered her hand to y/n. “We have one last destination before we head for dinner and back home.”

Y/n grabbed her hand and stood up with her help. “Can we have pizza for dinner? If we are going to cheat, then it should be worth it.”

Natasha only laughed but nodded. “Sounds good.”

They put their shoes back on and walked back to the motorcycle. The whole way, y/n leaned her head against Natasha’s shoulder, noticing how the sun was slowly hiding and it was getting dark. She felt somehow tired, but she couldn’t complain at all, not when she had spent a whole day with Natasha. She then rested her chin against Natasha’s shoulder and smiled as she looked at her, not even knowing where they were heading but not caring at all as long as it was with her.

They finally got to a steep cliff with the view of the city, making y/n gasp at how beautiful it looked. It was probably around 8 pm already so it was dark, but the city looked awake with all the beautiful lights. They both got off the motorcycle and walked near the edge, y/n never taking her eyes off the city. Natasha sighed as she smiled and looked around just like y/n.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been in a place like this one. It looks amazing.” Y/n smiled as she looked at Natasha.

“I stop by every now and then. When I need to think or just be alone.” Natasha smiled as she looked at y/n.

Y/n nodded as she crossed her arms, feeling a little cold. “So…are you finally going to tell me why you decided to spend the day with me? And with such fun activities?”

Natasha shrugged as she walked back to her motorcycle and got her leather jacket out the small shad luggage. She walked back to y/n and placed it around her shoulders. “I just wanted a different day.”

Y/n squinted her eyes. “I know that’s not it. C’mon, Nat.” She blushed softly as she accepted the jacket. “Is it a special day?”

“It was a special day. We had fun.” Natasha whispered softly as she looked at the city.

Y/n tilted her head as she stared at Natasha. “It was a special day.” She repeated as she finally gave up and decided not to push it anymore, resting her head against Nat’s shoulder. “It was even more special because it was with you.”

Natasha’s breath hitched for a moment, she tried to remain calm as she cleared her throat and tried to act normal. But then she couldn’t help, and she wrapped her arm around y/n, smiling at how nice it felt to have her this close. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Natasha thought it was finally time to go buy the pizza and then head back home. She turned to look at y/n and smiled.

“Are you ready to leave? We should go buy the pizza and then head back. They must be wondering where we are.”

“Maybe so.” Y/n chuckled softly as she looked at Natasha’s eyes. “Thank you for today.”

“Thank you, for coming with me.” Natasha placed her hand on y/n’s cheek and stroked it. For a moment, her lips parted as her eyes darted down to y/n’s lips, wishing she could lean in and kiss them, but she didn’t want to ruin the moment.

Y/n noticed this and tried to stay as calm as she could, wanting to lean in and kiss her. But the moment they had both decided to lean in, Natasha’s phone went off, making her groan. She pulled away from y/n and answered the phone, annoyance was obvious in her voice. Y/n licked her lips softly as she looked down at her feet. She then looked back up when she heard Natasha saying they would be back in a few minutes.

“Tony is waiting for us with some pizza and some beers.”

“Oh well…he saved us from buying some.” Y/n chuckled sadly as she cleared her throat. “So uh…should we go now?”

“We should.” Natasha offered a small smile as they walked back to the motorcycle.

___________________

Back in the compound, no one had asked about why Natasha and y/n had been out all day, maybe they hadn’t even noticed. They were already gathered around the living room with a few boxes of pizza and beers; it seemed like they had started before they had arrived and knowing perfectly, they had also drank some tequila, just to lighten up the moment. Natasha and y/n sat separately since Steve had taken Natasha’s place. Steve knew he saw something different in y/n but couldn’t quiet tell as he kept listening to Thor’s stories. They had invited Maria also to join them and even Rhodes had joined. Natasha kept looking at y/n from time to time, not forgetting that they were actually about to kiss before Tony had decided to interrupt them.

For the first time in her life, she had enjoyed her birthday, even if y/n hadn’t known that they were out because of her birthday, Natasha was happy to know that she had spent it with her. After a few more hours, one by one started leaving to their room, it was a little early, but they all seemed to be tired and full for all the pizza they ate. Natasha walked to y/n and smiled at her as she stood in front of her.

“Thank you again, for today.” Y/n smiled as she looked at Natasha.

Natasha nodded. “It was a special day.” She offered a smile before she leaned in and kissed y/n’s cheek, leaving before y/n could say anything.

Y/n sighed as she saw Natasha leaving. She went on and started cleaning, walking to the kitchen. “Had a good day with Natasha?” Y/n jumped when she heard the voice of Clint who was grinning at her.

“I did.” Y/n smiled. “I thought no one had noticed.”

“I did. I heard the bike. But then noticed your door was open. So figured you had both left.” Clint shrugged as he walked to the kitchen. “Also nice jacket. Normally, she doesn’t let anyone use her stuff.”

“I’ve heard.” Y/n chuckled softly.

“I’m surprised she even decided to go out, specially today. Thought she would stay in her room or training all day.” Clint said as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and handed y/n one.

“Specially today? What you mean? It’s just Saturday, we all have a right to have a normal Saturday.” She said as she opened the bottle and drank from it.

“Yeah well, not too normal if it’s your birthday.”

Y/n almost choked on her water as she looked at Clint. “What? Why didn’t she tell me?”

“Because it’s not a special day for her, it’s just another day. She has never celebrated it, but…I guess today was different. And I’m glad it was with you.” Clint smiled.

Y/n sighed. “I should’ve known. She kept avoiding when I asked why today.” She looked at her watch and noticed it was 10:46 pm. “Okay…I still have some time.” She placed the bottle water in the counter top and went on to look for some stuff around the kitchen.

“What you doing?” Clint furrowed his brows.

“Just something.”

____________________

Y/n knocked on Natasha’s door exactly at 11:50 pm, hoping Natasha would still be awake and she would open the door for her. Natasha said they could come in and y/n opened the door slowly and carefully, not wanting to mess her surprise. She noticed the lights still on, making her feel relieved that she hadn’t woken her up. She then closed the door behind her and smiled as she noticed Natasha with her pajamas on, already sitting in bed.

Natasha furrowed her brows and smiled at y/n. “What is that cake for?”

Y/n smiled as she walked to Natasha’s bed and sat down. “It’s for someone special.” She got the lighter out of the jacket and turned the single candle on. “Happy birthday.”

Natasha froze for a moment as her eyes widened, looking at y/n. “How did you-“

“Don’t kill Clint, but he might have told me. Not intentionally, it just came up.” Y/n chuckled nervously. “But…if I’d have known…I’d have bought a better cake but…I tried my best.”

Natasha looked down at the cake and chuckled as she noticed the mess of icing she had made but she had gotten to make it red. She shook her head as she looked back at her. “You didn’t have to.”

“I know…but I wanted to.” Y/n smiled. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“No one other than Clint knows. I just didn’t think it was any special.”

“Well…from now on, it’ll be special for me. And we can go out like we did every year.” Y/n smiled as she offered the cake again. “Make a wish.”

Natasha chuckled as she looked back at the cake, she felt tears in her eyes but tried to hide it as she closed her eyes and pretended like she was thinking. She then blew the candle off and opened her eyes to look back at y/n. Y/n giggled and took the candle off, placing it in a safe place and then getting two forks out of the jacket and offering one to Natasha. She sat back and rested her back in the head of the bed just like Natasha. They happily ate the cake and enjoyed each other’s company.

“It’s actually good, I have to recognize that.”

“I tried my best. Didn’t have much time to put much effort.” Y/n joked as she looked at Natasha. “So…since it’s not your birthday anymore…can I know what you wished for?”

“That’s cheating. If I tell you, it won’t happen.” Natasha kept eating the cake as she eyed y/n.

“But it’s not your birthday anymore, so it might happen anyway. Maybe I can help you so it can happen.” Y/n offered a sweet smile.

Natasha looked at her and smirked, taking the plate off her legs and putting it in her nightstand, she also took the fork from y/n’s hand and placed it in the plate. She then turned to look at y/n and grinned. “You really wanna help me?”

“I do.” Y/n smiled.

“Kiss me.” Natasha simply said as she looked deep in her eyes.

Y/n’s heart stopped for a slight moment as she stared at Natasha. “What?”

“Kiss me.” Natasha repeated as she smirked. “I thought you said you wanted to help me. So make it happen.”

Y/n felt nervous but then smiled, now sure that her dream was finally going to come true. She placed her hand on Natasha’s cheek and leaned in to finally kiss her lips softly. Natasha smiled against her lips and kissed her back, placing her hands on y/n’s waist and pulling her closer until y/n was on her lap. When air became a necessity, they both pulled away, y/n resting her forehead against Natasha’s and smiling, wrapping her arms around her neck.

“Was that really your wish?” Y/n whispered softly.

“Well, it certainly was what I wanted to do a few hours ago but Tony interrupted.” Natasha grinned as she looked at y/n. “Thank you for making today special. I’m glad I got to spend today with you.”

Y/n shrugged. “I’m happy I got to spend it with you.” She smiled. “What do you want to do now that your birthday is over?”

Natasha bit her lip as she took y/n’s leather jacket off and threw it to the floor. “We can make the rest of my wish happen.” She said seductively as she moved so y/n was laying on her bed and Natasha straddled her lap.

“I’m sure we can.” Y/n smirked as she pulled Natasha down for another kiss.

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