#i own a bern and she is the love of my life

[roadstostray]

what about a little cujo

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko EP8 Tea Party, ??? and End

Featherine is writing and starts talking about when is an appropriate time to finish a tale, remarking that this kind of tale should probably be left in a cat box. Bernkastel is sewing Lambdadelta back up in very sexually charged language, Erika comes to the room, Bernkastel reveals Dlanor is still in touch with her, LambdaBern flirt some more and Erika gets jealous.

Gertrude has earned a promotion, Cornelia is learning martial arts. Will is.... a landlord who plays Badmington with Lion. Dlanor is still hard at work. Lambdadelta and Bernkastel promise to see each other when something else cries.

I think I mentioned it before, but one of my goals for this replay was to have a deeper appreciation for Bern and Lambda. I played the game originally as my first WTC game so I was constantly like, "Well that's definitely hinting at something I don't get". On replay, I appreciate them a lot more and I think reading their lines also gives you a lot of understanding towards other characters, as well.... a lot of scenes are even further contextualized by GouSotsu. If you don't have the context for Higurashi it is very easy to villainize Bernkastel a lot and not understand her as anything more than evil, which I think is a disservice for any Umineko character. I also appreciate Erika a lot more, she feels kind of like a tertiary main character of the answer arcs haha, I mentioned it a lot but I really do pity her a lot and I do kind of hope for better for her anyway. Meanwhile....

Sakutarou is now famous, and also Ange I guess. Or Kotobuki Yukari. Ange is spending her life writing books, hoping to help more children find magic and happiness. Then the name Hachijo Tohya gets brought up... Ange remembers how Hachijo's refusal to reveal the truth ultimately led to the Rokkenjima Mystery to die down, and thanks her. Ange agrees to meet with Hachijo and it is revealed that Hachijo is 2 people.

Ange doesn't really know how to deal with the reveal Battler is "Alive", other than shock. Happy he's alive though. She mentions how if it happened at another time, she would probably be pissed he hadn't shown himself up earlier, but right now she's just happy the miracle happened. Battler confirms what we saw at the very end of ep8, and Ange seems to blame herself for the reunion taking so long, due to her changing her name. But then she thinks about how she did try to meet with Hachijo once and was denied, but then instead of blaming anyone decides to just thank God for the miracle. I am so happy to see Ange so.... at peace. But Hachijo and Tohya reveal that they were perfectly capable of meeting her before, which throws her for a loop, and starts getting actually angry. Tohya explains how he has Battler's memories, but isn't Battler.

I forgot Tohya tried to kill himself, damn, considering Sayo's own issues with identity I can imagine writing the forgeries also helped him cope with his own fragmented identity....

Those tears are so pained... I want to cry. Ange accepts that Battler is both dead and came back to her, and is doing her best to hold herself together for Tohya.

I am a little relieved it is an entirely different Gospel House, the original was kind of fucked up, but this is a house for children to learn of magic. Ange reveals that not only is this a replica of the Ushiromiya Mansion hall, but it's the same as EP8's Halloween party... certainly showing the Battler inside Tohya that he can rest easy with everyone else now.

Battler is back home, Ange and Tohya can keep living in the future with no regrets.

Man, I really don't know what to say. I have already said so much but it still feels like I have so much to learn from Umineko. Umineko and Higurashi have meant so much to me across the years and I am so glad my replay led to me loving this experience more than I did. I hope one day I can revisit the game in Japanese, I am on classes and I want to come back once I am good enough to read this. That's uh, very far in the future though. I still have a lot to say and I will make more posts about my general thoughts once I finish reading all the side content. For now, I will say this replay made me appreciate a lot more how carefully handled the mystery was, and how it made me appreciate the answer arc in a lot of new ways.... first time I thought ep5-6 were one of the weaker arcs and now I think they are among the strongest. It's kind of funny though, I don't really feel the finality I feel when ending a lot of games. I still have so much more to learn about the world of Umineko and When They Cry, so finishing a game doesn't feel like an ending but just a step toward understanding more. This blog has mostly just been a tool for me to force myself to think a bit deeper into scenes than usual, via forcing myself to write down my thoughts. It's a little embarrassing but it has been a fun thing to do. I will probably keep doing it in the future, and I hope doing this will help me improve myself if only a little bit.

[theawkwardterrier]

Of Grief (post 7x02 Outlander fic)

Shock and denial

Their granddaughter is perfect — flawless, miraculous. He's known that the same way he knew that Claire was meant for him, that instantaneous, unquestionable resetting of the world.

And yet Claire says it is not so, that there is something within Amanda that must be fixed, that cannot be fixed.

"Even with the ether?" he asks, as if his wife might have forgotten that tool, as if with that remembered she can reverse this nightmare. Claire had healed him, after all — hand, heart — when he'd tried to die. She can do anything. It is impossible that she cannot do this.

“No.”

Pain and guilt

He has the McCallum lad exercising the foal. He tells himself that it is practice, accustoming everyone to the routine for when they leave, but knows in his heart that he simply cannot stand doing it himself, cannot face the idea that he will never see girl and horse grow alongside each other, never guide his granddaughter's hands on the reins or race her along the Ridge.

It is such a small thing to ache for, overcome by the vastness of his need for Mandy to be well. And yet it hurts, because he had allowed himself finally to hope.

Anger and bargaining

He has his prayers, his peaceful face, strong shoulders for the others to lean on, but there is so much rage in him. At night, he stares at the inn's ceiling, demanding to know how this is just.

I have sinned uncountably, and You saved my leg at the final moment. You allowed me the choice to return here. You have kept me from harm that should have rightfully struck me down. Would my life not be fairly traded for this innocent?

And yet he continues to breathe, remains healthy and whole, forced to give up his precious ones again.

Depression

Later, Claire says, raw-throated, "I didn't grieve them this way before, and I thought they’d left just as permanently. Why does it hurt so much more now?"

Because we still had Fergus and Marsali then. Because we're worried over Mandy's heart atop everything, and you blame yourself for not being able to fix it. Because this was no one's choice.

"Because when they came back before, we lost the fear that they would leave," he says. "Because we convinced ourselves that we'd have them forever."

He finds that his own tears have fallen. He does not bother wiping them away.

The upward turn

Sometimes he wishes his missing would expel in a draining gush. It is a perpetual haunting instead, each time he sees the abandoned cabin or hears a child laugh like Jem.

But Claire is here, still. The days cannot remain dark forever.

Aidan McCallum falls ill, and Jamie must work the foal himself. The simple act, done a hundred times, hurts between each rib. And yet seeing the way the creature has grown helps him picture the way Mandy must be growing too - a joyous thought, even if he is not there to watch.

He names it, finally: Mirren. Beloved.

Reconstruction and working through

There are things which help: convincing Lizzie that she needs time alone with her (Christ) husbands and having an infant's weight in his arms once more, someone to soothe through the night; receiving word from New Bern that all is well; reading the latest news or corresponding with the Sons of Liberty as Brianna's America takes shape around them; holding Claire and remembering the children with her, or simply being reminded that she has remained.

There are things which help, and although he knows that there are parts of him which cannot ever heal, sometimes it can feel like enough.

Acceptance and hope

"I'll remember you to the children," Roger Mac said — a historian's particular gift, one well-received by a man who thought the legacy of his generations lost more than once. So Jamie must believe that his grandson will recall him and this place, that his granddaughter will be raised on tales of those who loved her here: her grandmother's healing hands and sharp mind (and sharper tongue), her grandfather who was stableboy, soldier, laird (but liked husband and father best).

There are, Claire promises, still horses in the future. Even if he cannot teach her, his strong wee Mandy will ride.

[misarem]

Umineko Episode 5 Thoughts: The Part Where I Try To Lock In

I feel the need to just get this out while I have the chance to do this before I start episode 6. I think I finished this episode over a week ago at this point and have since been doing other stuff, been too busy with real life to pour over this vn, etc. My thoughts on the episode itself will be kinda minor but I'll compensate with my current theories on the overarching mystery and the murders. What I'm hoping to do is have preliminary theories ready for episode 6 so that I can develop them while reading it and be ready for endgame. I even started making a physical journal of my thoughts on each murder, character, and rule because after like 80% of my life in the education system this is all I know how to do to retain information, plus! itll be cute. but anyways

Doing what's easy for me and starting at the beginning and just working my way through. I'm still kinda burnt by Beato in episode 3 but I really do wanna believe she's like fully dejected now that Battler isn't matching her as an opponent the way she thought he would. Surreal to see her practically dead but I guess this is signaling that the game is becoming something much bigger than Battler vs Beatrice, to the point where Bern and Lambda are more active and Knox is now involved. Through some meta lens I almost wanna read this as like, an event within the world of detective fiction where a story spirals out of control and the foundations that do exist need to intervene. Feels like commentary on stories as a whole, what has been established as "good" and "reasonable" and what it means to subvert those paradigms, and how far you can reasonably go. And having these larger themes on fiction as a whole run parallel to the events of Rokkenjima, with the ideas of love and trust being established and broken between family mirroring the trust between an author and reader and the love for reading and storytelling, is very satisfying. And if you read the witches as authors and critics of mystery stories, or just stories in general, then the idea of fiction giving our lives fulfilment and meaning also operates on all these levels: the witches weave the narrative on Rokkenjima from a higher plane to stave off their boredom, those on Rokkenjima cope with the dire situation by blaming the murders on witches and demons, and outside of the murders, the people who struggle because of this family cope with fantasy, from Ange and Maria easing their loneliness with the sisters and Sakutaro, to, as we see later, Natsuhi finding refuge from her responsibilities in an imaginary Kinzo and his furniture.

Going off my ideas about black and white magic in the last episode, Natsuhi herself is beginning to resemble a white witch in the same way Maria did. Her and Jessica finally beginning to come to an understanding of one another only in the dire circumstances that were the murders of Rokkenjima was one of the first terrifyingly realo depictions of strained family relationships I latched onto in the game, and I was sorta sad to see her fall to the wayside in the rest of the Question Arcs (altho everyone else getting some focus was important). Very nice to see her in the forefront again here, this time focusing more on her self-sacrificing nature and her sense of duty to the image and wellbeing of the Ushiromiya family that feeds it.

Having THIS be the backdrop of her inner monologue is fitting considering the way everything she faces ends up spiraling into her own guilt and self-loathing, and how she needs to take everything on for her family. I can't even blame her at this point for imagining Kinzo recognizing her for her work cuz idk how else I would live like this. And when she tries to help her husband and he just keeps making the same types of decisions that fail his business ventures and she ends up just acquiescing every time. Wow its just harrowing. They can never make me hate Natsuhi. Also I forget if I addressed Maria's torture of Rosa in the last write up, I don't wanna say a whole lot besides the cycle of abuse within the Ushiromiya family is horrifying, and that it feels like this chapter, Maria's turn to inflicting harm on others to cope feels unaddressed in a concerning way. Like I'm scared

As for the new characters, I like Erika a decent amount so far, I'm mainly just waiting for her to fly off the handle because she was just so dominant here until the end of the episode. Her being an avatar of Bernkastel almost makes me think of her as like a joke on author insert characters in fiction, also makes me wonder just what Erika is, if she's supposed to be like a meta entity like the witches even tho she's meant to be a human? Does she just exist between reality and fiction as Berns fucked up creation? Its interesting to me. Also they keep namedropping Ange when talking abt Erika as a piece and its getting on my damn nerves keep my homegirls name out your mouth. I like Dlanor a lot too and how cordial and nice she can be. even tho formally she's usually an enemy.

Not much changed here besides moving Natsuhi up and Krauss down again lmao. I'll keep doing these just to track my opinions but it might be good to be more nuanced with it, add a few more tiers or find some other way to address the cast overall altho by this point, almost all of them in the okay tier or above are so well established and integrated into the story. If I take anything from this vn its gonna be the cast.

The murders themselves I was like fine with. I hope Jessica died painlessly she deserves a break. Obviously things went way differently but, I thought the way it worked was a little boring and I almost expect episode 6 to be some sort of do-over for it altho that feels unlikely at the same time. Altho I do understand it, this is supposed to be a breaking point for Battler, seeing someone actually be (wrongfully?) implicated but being powerless to fight against it before he has his epiphany moment so it's fine. The court scene also made up for it just in its style alone, the sound design, visual effects and transitions are such a treat and give this game such a strong identity among visual novels. The OST with tracks like patchwork chimera, ACI-L and totemblume is like incredible, -45 does such incredible work and I wish I could have them all on my vgm tag on this blog. I might need to liek stop being lazy and do my own vgm uploads and quit replying on other blogs to do it if i want them on my blog lmao. Still a good episode and it's obviously setting up for greater payoffs but it's hard for me to imagine that Bern and Lambda find this first game of theirs particularly interesting before the court scene.

What I'm interested about thought is Natsuhi's baby, if that will end up being a full-fledged piece of Lambda's, and if its the character who I think it is from the little snippets of him I've seen in the intro. It does kinda tickle me that the first twilight murders were all very deep, clean slices to the neck and there's just a Battler-aged, brown haired dude in the intro with a sword. Considering how hard he implicated Natsuhi by controlling her movements, his presence in the story is cooperative with Erika's sleuthing and I'm curious if they'll end up working together as, I guess meta entities in the story? We'll see.

Like I said before I go into ep 6 I wanted to just get down what I have as the solution so far. Nothing concrete still, and I know the how is super important even tho I kinda only have the who and sorta the why, but again I'm hoping episode 6 will help me develop that.

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Anyways I really think it's Kyrie. PIOKJHGFHJKL:L I can't help it. I almost feel like I'm approaching it at the wrong angle and that she's a red herring or something, and I keep going back and forth, but at the same time, so much of the movement of the characters makes sense when you think of it as Kyrie manipulating things. Her face being completely smashed in the first twilight of episode 1. Her being the one to rile the other parents up by warning them about Beatrice in episode 2. The details she reveals about herself in episode 3 and the part of her and Hideyoshi's characters tab that alludes to her shooting him (maybe an accident but ???). And the way she positions herself slightly under Krauss when they're in the dungeon of episode 4, letting him take the reins but still having a lot of influence and command as well as watching them all die as they escape, being the only one to make it inside, being "missed" a bunch by the Chiesters and telling Battler in her own words to believe in magic while her version of the actual events as it is given to Battler is glossed over by the narration. The mystery of the code above the parlor in (i think) episode 3 and half of the numbers corresponding to Battler's birthday. And that, as Beatrice said, because of Battler's sin, people on the island die, that the sin feels like it could be connected to his unclear parentage and that the sin, by the fact that it occurred 6 years in the past, was close to Asumu's death, Rudolph's marriage to Kyrie and Ange's birth. Again I could be barking up the wrong tree cuz I really don't have the how or why down like, in a concrete way yet but I don't know it just feels so likely like I just feel it. And she at least has Genji or Shannon in cahoots too, not committing the murders but just helping with keys or acting as certain people. It would be easy to say they're acting on Kinzo's will but he's dead now so idk. But my vague guess is she wants revenge against the Ushiromiya family for how (like how it affects literally everyone elses like a huge trauma abuse machine) it affected her life, her relationship with Rudolph and the birth of her child. Maybe Battler really is hers but was taken at birth because Asumu's child had died or she has miscarriage and the family wanted to save face. And I think by manipulating the situation and her in-laws she managed to create a state of paranoia on the island, which facilitated most if not all of the murders even without her needing to act. Just because of some of the ways she dies, and some of the red truths restricting the possibilities, I don't know right now if it's possible for her to have killed everyone, but I think it's possible for her to have led people like Rosa and Eva to kill.

Kyrie is shown early on to be among the most shrewd and observant people on the island, at least concerning the battle for inheritance, and since her and the other siblings, besides Krauss and Natsuhi, are already in cooperation against Krauss, I don't find it hard to imagine that she could splinter the group further by influencing any one person in it on her own, away from the others, and I feel like that's how she got some things done in the first couple episodes, and maybe episode 3? Like for the first, I can imagine Kyrie taking Eva aside and using her competitiveness and resentment to convince her to go along with her plan to kill all the other siblings, blame Natsuhi to get her out of the way so the inheritance can be enjoyed by Eva and Hideyoshi with Kyrie taking a fraction while pretending to be dead. Eva goes along with it and after the murders, where Kyrie's whole face is obscured (and Shannon's half-face is hidden from George), and after they return to the parlor, Eva implicates Natsuhi heavily while stoking tensions even further by leaving with Hideyoshi and being very overt about setting the chain to their door and only coming out at precisely dinnertime. Going with the idea that Kyrie's still alive, she hides out in the designated guest room and kills the couple, escaping when Genji and Kanon discover it but leave to get help, escaping and resetting the chain from outside somehow, like with some sort of tool perhaps? and draws the magic circle and leaves, or if we believe Shannon is also alive, that her face was obscured for a reason and any confirmation that "Shannon is dead" can be bypassed with a loophole about her real name (Sayo I think I remember but if I google it I'll get spoiled), Shannon makes the circle and when Kanon and Kumasawa cut the chain, enter and move away from the door to one of the bodies, Kyrie slips out. I can't find any specific red text for this specific locked room other than the one for all locked rooms, so I'm guessing the instances where the entrances are unattended are deliberate. Kanon's death, from what I can find, isn't denied to have been with a trap like Natsuhi's is, so I'll guess that and then say the rest of the deaths were committed straightforwardly, with Shannon disguised as Beatrice for Maria and possibly Natsuhi as Kyrie kills them.

Episode 2 is weird cuz I don't feel like I can act like Kyrie can be proven to be alive atm but it feels like she could have been in contact with Rosa instead, potentially starting with the appearance of Beatrice at the "19th guest". Rosa witnesses her and while it isn't revealed in this episode, it's feels possible that this is likely Shannon in disguise having an effect on her because of how she watched Beatrice die as a kid. Kyrie is in the entrance when Beatrice "enters the mansion", and I think she likely pretended to see her to rile up the other siblings, saw Rosa as potentially weak and had her corroborate to seem more convincing. And later that night, at the chapel, Rosa kills the other siblings. No set motive for this, but when I read the red text which specifies that the key to the chapel didn't pass thru anyone else's hands before Rosa took it, it didn't, to my knowledge, specify that Rosa only took it once, so she could have grabbed the key around midnight and let them all in before killing them, forgetting or pretending she didn't, and then locking and leaving. I also think that the reason they were all at the chapel was over the gold, which we see three ingots after the discovery of the bodies. If the gold is real, I think Rosa could have solved the mystery here considering she solved it in episode 3, and brought some gold as proof, or Kyrie could have solved it and not said anything although that somehow seems less likely. Either way, over the fight about the gold, Rosa in a stupor or frenzy or something kills them and leaves. Since Shannon isn't shown here, maybe she pretends to be the Beatrice we see talking to them here and guts the corpses after, also placing the magic circle, but having Rosa return the key for her to find again. I don't know about the later deaths though I still have to work some of them out. Like what we see as Kanon being warped away and suddenly trudging around outside the kitchen might just be him being killed or gravely wounded and the body being taken and laid against that back door for Gohda to find. Stuff like that but I need to work it out.

Eva in episode 3 almost feels so obvious that it seems like a red herring. If Shannon and maybe Genji and mayyyyybe Kanon? are in kahoots then the six part locked room seems more doable. Eva killing the five after that feels really on the nose, I'm wondering if Beatrice losing some of the games to Battler's Eva culprit Hideyoshi accomplice theory was her playing her own game against him. Altho even with that there's still some mystery like the floating gun killing Hideyoshi which the character tips seem to imply was Kyrie's doing. Battler also proposes that Kyrie's idea about going to the mansion was to privately confront Hideyoshi, in his eyes to confirm that Eva was going out because Eva hated his smoke but a cigarette butt was found in an ashtray of the rom, and I think this is likely, but I also think that maybe, potentially like episode 1, Kyrie colluded with Eva and Hideyoshi and she wanted Hideyoshi to explain why Eva was acting suspicious, in the privacy of the mansion as the smaller guesthouse leaves more opportunity for conversation to be overheard. I also wonder if Kyrie knew that Eva found the gold. If Kyrie was with Rosa here the way she might have been in episode 2, Rosa might've told Kyrie that Eva found it, and besides that, I feel like Kyrie is the type of person to be able to deduce that Eva found it, but this is speculation. No clue what was happening as Kyrie's stomach was bleeding out in front of Eva though.

But this kind of is the best I got right now before I go into episode 6. All of this is assuming Kyrie's able to fake her death as a couple key points and that multiple murderers and servant accomplices are even permitted, I don't think I saw anything in red or any Knox rules against these things but that theory just makes things work better. Technically a lot of these murders can have anyone as the culprit with someone like Shannon as an accomplice but this is the most complete idea I can come up with. I don't even know about episode 5. Hopefully ep6 elucidates some things. Maybe Eva knew Kyrie was a killer and that's part of her resentment of Ange. Maybe there is some fucky true identity shit with Asumu and Kyrie. who knows! Also I had to text search and replace every time I called an episode a chapter because I'm barely cognizant of all the names of the individual chapters within the episodes and I'm just thinking of this like a big book god help me

[construingseacats]

Umireread - Legend of the Golden Witch: Epilogue: ????

The following contains spoilers for the entirety of Umineko. Please do not read if you are yet to finish it.

SHE’S HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Considering I had very few thoughts on Bernkastel during my first playthrough, I’m ecstatic to really delve deeper into her this time round. I cannot wait for Erika to show up in the Answer Arcs. There will be so much gushing over the gremlins then, mark my words.

I have terrible news about the Answer Arcs for you, Bern.

Bernkastel comes in quite strongly with Umineko’s relationship to fiction, which isn’t necessarily a new concept by this point, but shes does so from a more heartless angle. There is interest in the humans, but not the humanity - the characters in the tale are mere playthings, inhabitants of a doll house to be bent and broken until the one playing with them decides to abandon them. From that sense, Bern is clearly the antagonist of the story at this point, but it’s not framed that way in the text for those who have not dug deeper. Beatrice is about understanding the human, Bernkastel is about using them. Diametrically opposed from the get go - but without love, this cannot be seen.

Simultaneously building the point that Beatrice’s motive is inscrutable, an opponent who wants to be defeated, while reinforcing the point we just made about caring for the humans behind the characters versus simply being interested in them. If characters in a story are just vessels for your entertainment, puppets made to dance for your whims, of course you’re not going to be able to understand someone who is treating that puppet like a living, breathing person. I’d say it’s a one-to-one comparison of a child doing exactly that at a real life puppet show; while good adults wouldn’t necessarily discourage it, and hurt the feelings of the child, everyone would inherently think the care of the child is misplaced into the inanimate puppets they’re attending to. But of course, in this case, it’s the child who is right, and the adults who are wrong.

Very amusing to see Bern emerge from a 100 year time loop and immediately go “I survived that endurance test but if this story sucks then that’ll be the death of me”.

Beatrice sure isn’t “one individual woman”, indeed! There are only 16 people, after all.

I wanted to make this observation back in Chapter 15, but opted to save it for here, as it felt more appropriate to end Episode 1 on it rather than let it get buried a little further back.

Umineko drenches itself in chess metaphors - from the aesthetic to the technical, through and through, Umineko wants you to associate it with chess. Battler and Beatrice are playing chess on the gameboards. Umineko is about playing chess.

But of course, Umineko is littered with misdirection. You’ve seen all the ways it’s lied to you so far, right? You don’t honestly believe Umineko is about playing chess right?

Good - because Umineko isn’t about playing chess. It’s about playing Mao.

Bern’s interesting philosophy towards literature surfaces once more. Once you’ve grasped the meaning behind it - the intention; the golden truth - you are free to do whatever you want with it. But there is no care or love in Bern’s interpretation. Once it’s your story, you rip out its guts for your amusement. What else would you do with it, after all?

I think there’s something to be said about how cruel and merciless this is. We’ve already established several camps when it comes to the consumption of literature - the dilettantes, who care not for deeper meanings or even the real intentions behind a work, and are happy to repurpose it for their own devices. As a contemporary example, you can see this as the type of people who will write schlocky fanfiction about characters, careless to the canon and happy to put words into their mouths that they would never say, for baseless interpretations that they favour. You have Beatrice’s approach, to understand the humans behind the characters, to be able to reach golden truths behind the media itself. I suppose to continue the fanfiction metaphor (which is apt, considering the nature of forgeries), these would be written stories that feel lifted straight out of the source material. That perfectly complements it and would fit in as an actual part of the world it came from.

Bern’s camp is the most perverse - to reach the understanding required of the Beatrice camp, and then gleefully reject it for your amusement. This one doesn’t fit as nicely into the metaphor we’re developing, but if you’re willing to humour me for a moment, I’d say we can represent it as fanfiction that goes against the wishes of the canon. That, while far from amateur, deviates from the story; making main characters go down different paths, engage in different love interests, killing off characters like a curious god testing their powers.

Of course, this immediately feels like a disconnect - after all, how is that a bad thing? Isn’t it good that fans are engaging with the work and exploring alternate possibilities? Well, I’m absolutely not arguing that someone writing an unconventional ship for a series they like is somehow doing it out of malice. But the point here is that, when a story is written, the author has a specific intent. If they pour their heart and soul into these characters, they know what they want to happen with them; if the pen conjures up the human inside of the vessel, then the author is writing what has to happen with them. If you are able to see those very elements, and choose to defy them, you’re ripping apart the manuscript. You’re crushing it as you please. In an extreme case, such a thing could be quite upsetting for an author to see - to have their beloved characters defiled in such a way.

But, most importantly, we’re not talking about fanfiction of a popular anime or the like. In Umineko’s case, we’re talking about what was a real life event - with real life human beings. Reconsider this example not with a fanwork of shonen or a cartoon, but of fiction written about a tragedy. If modern examples are too evocative, you could consider how this applies to something like the Titanic. What is the morality of using that disaster as set dressing, without having thoroughly researched it yourself? What of the James Cameron film, and the love story contained within? What of the many other terrible Titanic films?

It’s kind of hard to come up with specific examples for Bern’s camp. For example, you could look at how YIIK used a real life tragedy irresponsibly as part of its plot, but you could just as easily argue that was a case of them being dilettantes rather than people who had actively cared for the incident they were using.

I don’t think I’ve conveyed all that in the optimal way, but I hope the point tracks. I suppose it boils down to “Beatrice’s philosophy on literature is good, the Dilettante philosophy is bad, Bern’s philosophy is the worst”.

Once again, it’s up to you how much you want to respect a story once you’ve uncovered the heart of it. Treat it with love, or scrap it for parts. Either option is valid in the greater scheme of the uncaring universe.

Bern really wants us to break Beato, huh?

Well, I suppose she’s not actually talking to us here. Unless I’m mistaken, this is Bern talking to Ange, right?

I suppose we should address the elephant in the room, and how the Witches’ Tea Party fits into the greater canon of Umineko. While we’ve stated that the meta scenes in Purgatory are a reflection of the mental struggle that Tohya is facing, there isn’t really an equivalent parallel to be made here.

I think it’s something of a fool's errand to try and explain this all away with reality. After all, we seem to be safe to say that Witches do “exist” in the greater When They Cry canon; Higurashi was inevitably coated in supernatural elements by the nature of the time loop, and Bernkastel referring to those events here does confirm that Umineko shares the same universe (unless it’s a significant misdirect on Ryukishi’s part, which is a non-zero possibility, but I’ll be discounting that for our purposes). Featherine existing in Higurashi Gou further ties the universe together, so I think we’re relatively safe to say that the Witches’ realm exists as a narrative tool to connect the Sea of Fragments that contains the gameboards of Higurashi, Umineko, and Ciconia.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that this is free of meaning, however. If Bernkastel is talking to Ange here, then we can’t discount the possibility of these scenes being representative of the mental struggles that Ange is facing. The gameboard layer of message bottles and forgeries, the meta layer of Tohya coming to terms with what transpired, and an additional layer of Ange attempting to do the same in her situation. Of course, we’re not going to properly be able to explore that until we’ve actually met Ange - but we’ll get to that in due time.

And that’s a wrap on Episode 1! For all the criticisms levied throughout, I do think Episode 1 is a good time - of course, it’s hindered by the fact that it’s effectively just a giant introduction to Umineko, and there is no piece of (quality) media where the pilot can exceed the highs that the show will go on to achieve. However, we’ve had a good establishment of themes, exemplary work on what to expect going forward, and is obviously very meticulously crafted in a way that I hope even new readers can see (even if they can’t quite comprehend exactly what is going on behind the scenes). Umineko is actually three stories layered on top of each other at all times - the mystery layer, of “truth” and “reality”, the fantasy layer, where the witches dance and false closed rooms are concocted; and the meta layer, of stories penned by broken people trying to understand themselves through what they have written. In this sense, Episode 1 has been nothing short of an artisanal lasagne - and the recipe is only improving as we go.

[allyphase]

MARK IN FÓDLAN.  ✧

( og source link ) (thank you N for the inspiration!)   

PERSONAL INFORMATION

NAME. Mark

GENDER. Female

AGE. 21

HEIGHT. 5’4” 

BIRTHDATE. 1st of the Pegasus Moon

CREST/HOLY BLOOD. None. 

CLASS. Golden Deer Student

AFFILIATION. A wanderer of Elibe. 

BIOGRAPHY. A girl born to nothing, destined to walk history unnamed. Began her life in Bern, but abandoned one army for another when she followed Lyndis’s radiant light. Fought alongside Lyndis, Eliwood, and Hector for a new dawn. Enrolled in the Officer’s Academy to finish her tactics education formally. 

INTERESTS. Chess, birdwatching, ballroom dancing LIKES. Old books, Sacean striped warblers, strawberries, rescue strategies DISLIKES. Pranks, too many people talking at once, the sicilian defense, ambush reinforcements STATUS. Former tactician to Houses Ostia and Pherae  CLOSE ALLIES: Sain, Kent, Lady Lyndis

DINING HALL PREFERENCES

LIKES. Beast meat teppanyaki, grilled herring, saghert and cream, sweet and salty whitefish saute, sweet bun trio, fish sandwich, daphnel stew 

DISLIKES. Small fish skewers, sauteed jerky, cheesy verona stew, country-style red turnip plate, cabbage and herring stew, fried crayfish

DINING HALL NOTES

FAVORITE DISH.  ✧

“Oh, this smells delicious! Thank you for offering me a place at your table.” 

LEAST FAVORITE DISH.  ✧

“Food is food, I suppose...” 

TEAM TIME GUIDE

FAVORITE TEAS. Rose-Petal Blend - A faintly floral, sweet and elegant drink with the bitter bite of black tea behind it. Perfect for academics with a bit of a soft side. / Honeyed Fruit Blend - This tea is almost overwhelmingly sweet, more a dessert than anything. The lack of caffeine makes it a perfect evening treat. 

CONVERSATION TOPICS.  A new gambit... Evaluating allies... Someone you look up to... Equipment upkeep... Plans for the future... Shareable snacks... The last battle... Strange fish in the pond... Mighty weapons... Our first meeting... Books you read recently... The ideal professor... Your ambitions... Things that bother you... Close calls... Capable comrades... You’re doing great work... Exploring the monastery... Thanks for everything... A word of advice. 

TEA TIME QUOTES

GREETING.  ✧

“Thank you for inviting me here.” 

FAVORITE TEA.  ✧

“This is my favorite! How did you know?” 

FIVE STAR TEA.  ✧

“What a nice blend... Are you sure you want to drink this now?” 

INTRODUCING OWN TOPIC.  ✧

1. “...hmhmhm...”  Answer: Sip tea

2. “Sometimes I think the theory of chess is more interesting than playing the game.”  Answer: Nod, chat

3. “Do you believe I’m doing well, professor?”  Answer: Commend, nod

4. “Do you believe in love, professor?”  Answer: Laugh, agree, disagree

5. “I think there is value in keeping your ideas close.”  Answer: Sip tea

OBSERVING.  ✧

“I’ve always thought my face was very forgettable.”  “My uniform looks like my tactician’s clothes, doesn’t it?” 

ENDING.  ✧

“Thank you for the gracious invitation. I hope I can return the favor sometime soon.” 

MISCELLANEOUS DIALOGUE.

GIFT GUIDE

FAVORITE GIFTS. Tasty baked treat, stylish hair clip, lavender, board game.

DISLIKED GIFTS. Hunting dagger, dapper handkerchief, training weight, ceremonial sword.

GIFT QUOTES

DISLIKED GIFT.  ✧

“Thank you.” 

LIKED GIFT.  ✧

“You’re sure you have no need for this? Thank you!” 

FAVORITE GIFT.  ✧

“This is for me? How did you know...? Thank you, so much!” 

LOST ITEMS

FIELD GUIDE. A guide to birds from a faraway plain. Each profile has a small watercolor drawing of the bird as well as a pencil sketch of its silhouette. It probably belongs to someone with an interest in birdwatching. 

FOLDING CHESS SET. A small chess set, suitable for travel. The pieces are mismatched from being replaced or lost. It probably belongs to someone who studies tactics. 

LAVENDER CANDLE. A candle burned down halfway, scented faintly of lavender. It probably belongs to someone who has trouble relaxing. 

LOST ITEM QUOTES

OWNER.  ✧

“Oh, you found it! I’ve been retracing my steps all day trying to find where I left that...” 

NOT OWNER.  ✧

“Sorry, that’s not mine.” 

BATTLE QUOTES

MOCK BATTLE RETREAT.  ✧

“Ah... I must have missed something... I must fall back now. I’m sorry.”  ( Byleth specific  ) “You are truly a wonderful tactician...! I must ask you... later...” 

FIRST KILL.  ✧

“...so this is how it feels...” 

MONASTERY QUOTES

CHOIR PRACTICE.  ✧

(1)  “I’m not a singer, but I will do my best.”  (2)  “I- don’t know if I can be louder...” 

COOKING.  ✧

(1)  “I can do my part, but nothing fancy.”  (2)  “Are you sure this is the role you want me to fill?” (3)  “I’m much more used to cooking over a fire than a stove.” 

TUTORING

INSTRUCT

BAD.  ✧

“Oh... An embarrassing mistake.”  Critique:  “I see. Thank you.”  (AFFECTION UP) Console:  “I don’t need your pity. Show me what I did wrong.”  (AFFECTION DOWN )

GREAT.  ✧

“As expected.” 

PERFECT.  ✧

“That’s it! It must be!” 

PRAISE.  “Thank you, professor. It’s all thanks to your guidance.” 

TASKS

STABLE DUTY. ✧

“With how many cavaliers I’ve known, you think I’d be better at this...”  (With Kent or Sain)  “Will you show me what your horses like?” 

WEEDING.  ✧

“...oh! Sorry, lost in thought...”  “Do you know this plant? I haven’t seen it before.” 

SKY WATCH.  ✧

“...I don’t think I’ll be very helpful here...” 

CERTIFICATION EXAMS 

FAILED.  ✧

“Oh... I was so close, I’m sure...” 

PASSED.  ✧

“More knowledge is always a blessing.” 

UPDATE GOALS

REASON.  ✧

“I would like to do more than stand at the back and watch. I’ve always been afraid of another arrow being shot my way, and I’d like the chance to fire back. Would you teach me to defend myself and my friends?” 

HEAVY ARMOR.  ✧

“Perhaps a better strategy to protect myself on the battlefield is to not be hit in the first place. Lord Hector’s resilience is truly something to behold, and I would like to try to emulate him somehow. Will you help me learn how to move in that armor?” 

SWORD.  ✧

“Lady Lyndis and Lord Eliwood are both more than proficient with the sword. I admire them, and would like to learn something like them. Will you teach me the sword?” 

LEVEL UP

0 TO 2 STATS UP .  ✧

“...embarrassing...” 

3 TO 4 STATS UP .  ✧

“I need to do more.” 

5 STATS UP .  ✧

“Perfectly average.” 

6 STATS UP .  ✧

“Yes!” 

UPON REACHING LEVEL 99 .  ✧

“I have reached the summit, but I cannot pause here. Onward!” 

BUDDING TALENT

“I could never see myself mastering this!” 

NEW SKILL

“This new talent will serve me well.” 

RECLASSING .  ✧

“A new role for me to play? I will do my best.” 

BATTLE QUOTES

WHEN SELECTED

FULL/HIGH HP .  ✧

“Guide me as I guide you.” 

MEDIUM HP .  ✧

“Watch my back.” 

LOW HP .  ✧

“Pull me back!” 

ENEMY DEALS 1 OR NO DAMAGE OR MISSES .  ✧

“Not now!” 

CRITICAL ATTACK .  ✧

“Checkmate!” “You are known!” “Textbook example!”  “Fade away!” 

GAMBIT .  ✧

“With me!” 

GAMBIT BOOST .  ✧

“Like this!” 

DEFEATED ENEMY .  ✧

“I’m sorry.”  “You were in my way.”  “...it shouldn’t be me.” 

ALLY DEFEATS ENEMY .  ✧

“Excellent work.”  “Just as I predicted.”  “Let’s keep working together.” 

ALLY HEALS/RALLIES .  ✧

“Thank you.”  “Appreciated.”  “I can keep going.” 

DEFEAT QUOTE

CASUAL .  ✧

“I must- retreat... tend my... wounds...” 

CLASSIC .  ✧

“Sometimes... a piece must be sacrificed...” 

THE ADVICE BOX

“I fear that I am purposeless. My former position no longer exists, and I fear that without it, I’ll lose sight of what I want to pursue. Is there any way to keep myself going on this path without it being set for me?” 

> Self motivation is key!  > You can be more than one thing at a time. (affection up!)  > Try to get your former position back. 

[darsynia]

Trust Fall | ch4a سورج کی روشنی

(MCU, Tony/OC 'terrorists made us fall in love,' IM1 timeline)

ARC reactor image by Eury Escodero on Unsplash | gif by @villainelle

Summary: Emory Autumn works as a PA to pop star Rory Fall. While they’re in Afghanistan performing for the troops, Emory is taken prisoner along with billionaire Tony Stark. The terrorists think she’s Rory, and they’re expecting a ransom...

Length: 3,638 ((this chapter is in 2 parts))

Also! All chapter titles translate in some way to 'Sunlight.'

In this chapter... Tony starts building his project out of Stark weaponry, and he and Emory have a heated discussion about attraction dynamics between men and women

I’m shy as hell about saying this but if anyone wants to be tagged or ask me to write something please do! Tags: @starryeyes2000 @raith-way @arrthurpendragon

First Chapter | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Four: سورج کی روشنی

“We have to get her out of here,” Yinsen says. “Before they figure it out.”

“We can’t even get ourselves out of here,” Tony says, scraping the last of the food from his bowl. He looks down at the spoonful and leaves it, pushing the whole thing away.

“I’m sure they’re looking for you, but they’ll never find you in these mountains.” 

The other man reaches for Tony’s bowl, stacking it with his own. “What you saw out there? That is your legacy, Stark. Your life’s work. In the hands of those murderers.”

For the first time, an emotion other than false politeness shakes the man’s voice, and Tony grabs his arm.

“Who are you? Cook? Interpreter? Conscience?”

He laughs bitterly. “My job description is a little above your pay grade right now, wouldn’t you say? You’re a contractor. Maybe even an engineer. But it seems obvious that you work alone, hmm?” The man looks over to where Boots is lying, still awake, her body curled up in the fetal position and radiating fury.

“Your name. Give me a name. Or I’ll start calling you something ridiculous, like the Babel Fish from Hitchhiker’s Guide.” Happy Hogan always says Tony’s recklessness comes out best when he combines it with humor, but he’s not coming up with his best material in this environment.

“How about I call you Bruce Wayne?”

Tony lets go with a sound of disgust. “I have way more money than Bruce Wayne’s fictional fortune.”

“You both lost your parents at a young age, inherited a fortune. Maybe even squandered it?”

They’re in the middle of a cave in Afghanistan, and this man knows trivia from his life? For a few seconds Tony has an awful suspicion that he’s a plant, on the side of the terrorists-- but his behavior towards Boots belies that. His behavior towards Tony belies that, too. It’s not deference, and it’s not contempt. Tony hopes that by the time he has a name for it, he’ll have done something to change it, and it won’t matter anymore.

“You’re confused. We met once, if you can believe it. At a technical conference in Bern. My name is Yinsen. Told you my first name in Bern, but I doubt you’d remember.”

“I don’t,” Tony says, brows furrowing, looking at Yinsen with a lot more respect. His conscience pricks him. Why does he respect this man more because he’s been to Switzerland, to a conference that Tony attended? Why is that what did it? Saving his life, albeit in this terrifying, body-altering kind of way, that wasn’t enough?

“If I had been that drunk, I wouldn’t remember me either,” Yinsen laughs.

Tony suddenly wants very much to change whatever it is that’s making Yinsen cover his true feelings with this humor that doesn’t become him. He wants Boots to look at him like someone she respects, too. A lifetime of people kowtowing to him, Tony thinks, and it ends in a cave in the middle of nowhere, with two people who think he’s a murderous piece of shit? Money isn’t going to get him out of this.

“Doesn’t look like I’ll get the chance to get that drunk ever again.”

There’s a sound at the door. Yinsen goes over to see who it is, comes back with a pile of clothes, all men’s. Tony snags a black wife beater, changes into it right away. Even in the short time he’d worn it, the white shirt Boots had given him had been rough on the wiring, kept snagging. He doesn’t want to stop wearing it, though. He likes the way it smells. Does that make him what she said? Tony doesn’t think so, but he does like to see her hair down. He would never force her to do that, and the more he thinks about it, the more he sees her point.

He was framing her looks as a commodity, something she, if she really were Rory Fall, would have already been in the business of selling. But he’s in the business of selling his innovations, his weaponry-- and he’s furious to be told he must build a version of his own designs against his will. Enough to be considering not doing it at all, and risking the consequences.

The parallels are so obvious he should stop calling himself a genius.

“So?” Yinsen says, interrupting Tony’s self reflections.

“So, what?” Tony asks, grabbing a beanie hat from the smaller pile. He wonders where some of the other clothes went, and then looks over to see that Yinsen’s set a small pile of them over by Boots’ cot. “She asleep?”

“Either that or a fury coma.” His condemnation is damning.

“Yeah, I owe her an apology,” Tony allows. “I don’t want them to use me, either.” He sighs, shakes his head, puts on the hat. The fire is dying down, and the cave’s not as warm as it was just a half hour ago.

“So what are you going to do about it? Wear their hat and tell them no?”

If Yinsen had been Obie, Tony would tell him to stop busting his balls about it. That phrase, though applicable, doesn’t seem appropriate at all for this slight, determined linguist/scientist/doctor. He does notice one thing, though. There’s less humor in Yinsen’s tone, now. That feels like somewhat of a victory.

“I can’t build what they’re asking me to. And when I don’t, I’ll be dead in a week, along with you and the girl.” Tony clenches his jaw. The words feel true in a way that makes him want to punch a wall that will collapse under the strength of his arm. That won’t happen here, he knows.

“Well then. This is a very important week for you, isn’t it?” Yinsen says. His expression is challenging, fatherly, man to man, in a way Tony’s never really experienced. Obie doesn’t relate like that, though Tony knows he thinks he does.

A disturbing thought floats through his consciousness, not staying long enough to make much of an impression. Obie’s been awfully jovial lately, too. Tony lets it go, chalks it up to cave fever, or something.

He looks over to where Yinsen was just sitting, but the man is gone. Tony sees him over by his own cot, meticulously setting his suit coat on a hanger protected by some kind of colored cloth, before sliding it into a garment bag.

Was Yinsen at a different conference, when he was kidnapped? He certainly hadn’t packed for this ‘job’ of his, and his attitude toward the terrorists isn’t that of an ally or a contractor. It’s more like that of a useful slave. Tony can be one of those, if it’ll keep them alive long enough to come up with a way to get out. Hell, if he stalls for long enough, maybe Rhodey can find him.

An important week, Yinsen had said. A week isn’t long enough, not at all. Tony knows his products, always has. That part of the business is important to him, and it impresses colleagues and women alike. There are a lot of his products out there in that stockpile. If he has to be building something, does it have to be a Jericho missile? And how long can he realistically take to construct it?

Yinsen wakes Emory up early in the morning the next day.

“Stark’s going to have them bring in all of the materials he needs to build something. It’s going to be a lot,” he predicts. “I brought you this. Sit here, seem busy, even if you don’t wish to read it.”

He hands her a well-worn paperback book with a cover that seems straight out of 1970’s sci fi. Emory doesn’t have time to examine it closely right away, because as soon as she and Yinsen move a second rice bag onto her cot and turn the one that was already there sideways as a bit of a barricade, the door bursts open.

The next three hours are full of activity. Stark’s in his element, it seems, his voice confident and droning, listing off things that he wants for his proposed assignment. She’d heard he and Yinsen speaking about the vast array of weapons with his name on them that had been assembled outside, but now they’re assembled inside their cave. Emory hopes to hell it’s safe, doubts it is, but oddly trusts Stark to be at least smart about how to make the space as safe as it possibly can be. He’s a well-known narcissist, after all, so his safety, she presumes, is paramount.

Yinsen had been clever in his warning. She covers herself with the blanket, leans on the rice bags, and tries to tune out the noise and bustle as best she can. The rice bags break up the shape of her body on the cot, the book gives her an excuse not to look around and make eye contact.

She’d been right about the cover (it was from the 70’s), but the book was published in the 50’s. It’s by Arthur C. Clarke, a name she recognized but had never read anything of. Childhood’s End is solidly science fiction, something she wouldn’t have expected Yinsen to read, though Emory supposes she doesn’t know him that well. The book’s set in the late 20th century, a time period that probably felt distant and exciting to Clarke in the 50’s. At the dawn of the space age, a technologically superior race shows up and halts war and conflict, imposing their will to create a kind of utopia.

When she reads that Earth’s new ‘overlords’ interfere to prevent behavior seen as harsh or barbaric, Emory understands more about why the mild-mannered doctor might have been drawn to the book. It’s hard to pay close attention to reading with all the noise, and she’s just barely gotten to an exciting point when it seems like the terrorist work crew are finally finished carrying things in. In the book, a human has smuggled an object designed to let him see what the physical form of the overlords are onto the ship where he acts as liaison. The character is desperate to see what they look like, why they’re hiding, and he uses the item-- and seems to be so horrified that he agrees with the idea that humanity must wait fifty years to see what he’s seen.

“You like it?” Yinsen asks, startling her. He’s standing beside the cot. She’s spent so much time ignoring the movement of multiple men around the room that she had trained herself not to notice.

“Yeah. Hard not to want to make some sort of strange parallels to our situation, though,” she says. “I guess that makes you Stormgren, the liaison. Have you seen the overlord here? It’s not that bearded guy, is it?”

Yinsen’s expression is pleased, but he shakes his head. “The leader here might be described as a devil, yes, but he would never cease hostilities for the good of anyone, much less humanity’s future.”

Emory sets down the book with a mental note of the page she stopped. She looks around at the cave, which is now covered in Stark-branded weaponry, to a frightening degree. “This seems like it’s proving your point fairly well.”

“Yinsen? Do you know if they gave us pencil sharpeners?” Stark calls out. He’s taken off the black overshirt, the white shirt pushed up to his elbows, and he’s got a clipboard in one hand, and what she assumes is a pencil with a broken tip in the other. He’s wearing fingerless gloves, too, which she’s kind of jealous about, because her hands get really cold at night, here.

“They did. The alternative was a knife, after all,” Yinsen says, with amusement. He leaves to go help Stark, and Emory sits back down on her cot, scratching at her leg bandage yet again.

With a sigh, she unties the leather strap and pulls the white cloth away from one leg. The stitches are dry, and Emory supposes it’s healing, since it’s itchy as hell. After freeing both legs (one had bled a little, probably from the night before, but it is dry and clotted now), she decides to forego asking for a new bandage for a while, rolling the pants down and ‘pegging’ them at her ankles to keep them to stay. 

After going through the clothes Yinsen gave her, she finds a smaller shirt that buttons halfway down. Emory tosses a look over her shoulder, sees that both men are faced away and busy, and swaps shirts as quickly as she can. It’s grey, and she knows if she had a mirror, she’d probably see that it matches her eyes just about perfectly. With the sleeves pushed up, it almost looks like her size, too. There’s something really confidence-building about that, after what she has been wearing.

She puts on her sandals and makes her way around the various piles of actual freaking missiles over to the wide, new table that’s been set up in the middle of the room. 

“Excuse me, Miss, but I’m going to need your name for my records if you’re going to be in proximity of all of this dangerous equipment,” Stark says, from his seat at the table. It’s a cute way to point out that they haven’t really been introduced.

Yinsen has told her that there’s no audio for the terrorist’s cameras, but there’s no reason to take chances. “‘Fall’ has so many negative connotations to it, why don’t you put me down as Autumn?” Emory says carefully. 

Stark must be in a good mood, because this makes him smile. Like before, its effect on her is powerful, and she finger combs her hair over to the right side of her face and basically hides in it, trying to conceal the way her cheeks have to be turning red. Trying to tell herself that she shouldn’t think he’s attractive is like drawing a line in the sand and ordering the tide not to cross it. Even if the water could obey, the permeable, mutable state of the sand would mean the line would move.

“So you associate more with leaves than love, when falling?” he asks, his brown-eyed gaze direct and challenging.

Emory knows this man is way out of her league. “You’re the one who said I’m the hired help, aren’t you? I’m the gardener, not the roses, and definitely not the woman you give them to.”

“Would you agree that I have a certain… reputation, with women?” Tony asks Boot-- Autumn, a name he’s still isn’t sure is hers, but is better than the one he had been using so he’ll take it. Her expression when describing herself as some sort of onlooker to romance makes him feel a sense of responsibility to refute it. As the PA to a known flirty, flighty, fragile celebrity, surely she must know why she had been overlooked?  

She’s backing away, her forehead creased with regret. “Never mind, okay?”

“No,” Tony says, getting up. “No never mind. You say you’re a gardener, well I’m--” he snaps his fingers, pointing. “I’m the florist. I’m all about variety. I don’t worry about roots.” He throws his hands out, picking up his battery and starting toward her. “I’ll come to you for advice on gardening, you come to me for advice on women.”

He can finally see her eyes clearly enough to note that they’re grey. They’re flashing with defiance, and honestly, Tony’s cheering her on, in his head. She’s obviously been under her boss’s influence for far too long, has gotten used to giving in far too often.

“I don’t need advice on women,” Autumn says. She has to stop her retreat, because she’s literally backing up into a box-shaped stack of Stark-branded missiles. Tony quickens his steps, so she’s trapped.

“You clearly do. You don’t have any objectivity about yourself.”

“You think you know better than I do the experience I’ve had being ignored by men for most of my adult life? Just by observing me for a few days?” she asks, voice thick with derision.

Tony puts his free hand into his pocket. “As a man, I can tell you that was almost certainly not about you. As a man who spent time with your boss, I can tell you that the fame chasers were always going to go for her, and so were the guys looking for an easy lay.”

The word ‘lay’ leaves his mouth a split second before he regrets saying it.

“I should slap you, but I don’t want to risk setting anything off,” Autumn says in a low, angry voice. Something about the tone sparks a deep, desperate desire in him to hear it in a different context.

Her new grey shirt fits better than the others, the first he’s seen besides the black blouse which nips in enough to show the curve of her waist. Autumn backs up again and Tony realizes he’d taken another step toward her. They’re barely six inches apart, meaning she has to look up at him. Her full lips are parted, and if Tony could hit pause on the moment, it could easily be mistaken for a sexually charged one, instead of anger. They’re staring at each other, her cheeks flushed, his breathing quickened. 

“I could take it,” Tony says, leaning over to say the words like they’re in confidence.

“Take what?” she asks, brows furrowing, ready for a fight.

“The slap. Hit me.” Then kiss it better, he doesn’t say. It’s a line, one he’s said multiple times before, and it always works. Unfortunately, Autumn would probably be the exception. Power dynamics, again.

“Doesn’t that depend on where I’d slap? You’re not used to having a weakness, are you?” she asks. Her gaze drops from his eyes to where his chest bulges out from the electromagnet housing, then back up. It’s still healing, hurts like hell, and she’s right, it’s a weakness in multiple ways. But the solution to weakness, Tony’s always found, is to project confidence.

“I tell you what,” he challenges. “You don’t have to slap. Just touch me. Anywhere. Do it and I’ll move back.” He can’t wait to find out where.

“How about for once this week I not be at the mercy of a man?” Autumn sighs, rubbing her eyes with the finger and thumb of one hand.

“I’m not a terrorist. I’m on your side. You need to stand up for yourself. Push me out of the way.”

“Honestly, I’m better at doing that verbally,” she says, almost to herself.

“You think you can do that, go ahead.” Tony’s voice is just a little condescending, and for good reason. When he looks at a woman’s lips, verbal sparring isn’t what he has in mind.

Autumn crosses her arms and looks to the side, thinking. She’s sinking her teeth into her full bottom lip, and Tony is completely certain she’s not doing it to up the tension between them, even though that’s exactly what’s happening. Suddenly, she shoots him a bit of a shocked look and sucks her lips in as if telling herself to shush.

“That, right there,” Tony says with a smirk. “Say that.”

“It’s--” she falters, but looks up at him. 

Her grey eyes are impish, teasing almost. Her attitude is slowly laying fuel for a bonfire of desire inside him, one whose strength is surprising. It’s more than proximity, he thinks. Tony’s standards are usually lower, when he’s got less of a choice-- but with every minute he spends with this young woman, the more unexpected respect he has for her. Except where it comes to her devotion to her boss. That’s her weakness.

“It’s none of my business, kind of an… intimate detail,” she confesses.

Tony would be glad to hear her describe something he did with Rory, if he can watch the effect the act of relating it will have on her. He’s already looking forward to it, despite having negative memories of Rory Fall. 

“Tell me and I’ll step back,” he promises.

Autumn closes her eyes, her cheeks dusted pink. “Before the convoy left, Rory made a comment. I remember it because it’s just--” she opens her eyes to roll them, shaking her head. “Rory said you liked kissing too much, as if that can even be possible. But the thing is--” she looks up at him, right into his eyes. Tony is pinned. “It’s better with feelings. Kissing.” Her lips curve up into a secret smile, her whole face lighting up with an inner fire he wants to have been the source of. “A thousand times better. So that’s my ‘gardener’ perspective, to you, the florist. Lay down some roots, if that’s something you really like. You won’t regret it.”

He steps back for her, wordlessly. She’s just made him desperate to kiss her, while simultaneously throwing up a vibranium wall between their lips. He’s not a commitment guy.

Fuck.

Is this what Henry VIII thought, when looking at Anne Boleyn? Somehow inventing a new religion just to get a woman to say yes doesn’t seem so outrageous.

Tony heads back to the table and picks the pencil back up to complete the list of steps to safely access the small amount of palladium in the style of missile he’s going to start with. He takes some deep breaths, focuses on the kind of breathing and thoughts that will ease his arousal back down to a low ebb. There’s only one impossible thing that’s going to be happening in this cave, and that’s building his father’s dream of a miniature ARC reactor.

It seems much more likely than managing to get that earnest young woman’s face to light up picturing a kiss shared with him.

Next chapter, the head terrorist comes in with one of Rory's CD's, demanding that Emory sing something.

[thepoetfrommars]

What were you waiting? A sign or something else? I guess I was a bit slow, but that's just how I am.

I always knew you cherished our moments. I just wanted your confirmation. It's a conversation between us, and we are damn awful liars lol. It's fair I guess, i was scraping for hope at anything I could get. But oh well, it didn't work out, so past is just the past.

With this mask of nihilism off I'll tell you what I think: happiness without you is not complete, but I'm trying, and that's my thing. I'll never be perfect and that's just how it is, but I'll work on doing something cause that's all I can achieve. You can count on me with all of your endeavors, it'll be hard for me not to fall in love again, but hey, that's a risk I'm willing to take. It doesn't pain me anymore, after all the world has changed. This is a bit too confusing isn't it? So let's go to the next.

(ive always been a sucker for the cheesy stuff lol)

It's a thing we have in common lol, the difference it's just the act. I wanted to see you really badly, but it hurt so bad to see your smile and know it's not mine anymore that i just couldn't afford it. Now and then I still heard your name (Brasília is a really small place) those moments I stopped and listened, finding out you were happy gave me a sense of peace. (Told you I'm a sucker for the cheesy stuff lol) .

My moon, on that we are equal. Life can change but I'll always love you. Through cloudy skies above or the sun shining over you. You're not the star, youre my moon. Elegant, beautiful, perfect in your own way. Being apart it's a pain, but it's one I'm comfortable with. One which I will learn to deal with. And I'm fine, really. So stop worrying and drink some water lol, don't make me another task on your life.

I can't ingore my moon, not for long anyways. At least once a month she's full above the sky peeking through my window. You can be needy, after all the love is yours. You just have to ask for it.

How you've been doing?

- I'm fine. Working on myself. Looking for work, studying what I wanted, going through life. And you? How've you been? Has life been treating you right?

What happened to you all this time?

- a lot. Life is a bitch and she is a really naggy one lol. But yeah, family got smaller, my grandpa and great grandma have passed, so we're dealing with it. Of course I passed uni, but thinking on where should I really do it. A lot happened, and a lot is happening. But hey, I'm still alive right? Lol

How's the rpg? (Real important, I miss it)

- it's going well. We paused that campaign but before it we made some adjustments to the whole story and shit. Ennon hung up the sword and is now dating that bartender he flirted a while back. They have a daughter, so that's that. We're going to continue it after a couple months, "another story" per say. I'm the only one with a new character lol.

How's your uni?

It's hard lol. For me that is. It's complex and my teachers are not that good. But it doesn't help I'm going through meds and life itself. But it's good besides that. It's more than what I dreamed of. Which is a good thing lol.

I noticed you really like ocean animals and such, do you consider going to USP? You could try, idk if it's a thing for you tho

- Ive bern looking for stuff, but I'll probably go out of the country to study. If not a degree than my specialization on marine animals. (Cetaceans that is lol)

Are you happy? No need to lie

- not yet. Been working on it. But... Oh well... You're a psychologist, you'll analyse me and see if I'm happy or not lol.

Would you like to go on a date? Lol I really want to give you your stuff tho, it's been here for like, 3 years now

- i would be delighted to go on a date lol, just set the date.

"As always, it's kinda of a mess"

Don't know if I responded, don't know what's going through your mind, but I'm always open. A shoulder to cry on, a person to tell a joke to, someone to share memes, anything really. It's all open to you.

Not a poem, just a couple thoughts

Sorry, i just woke up from a nice dream and wanted to write this lol

But hey, i guess I got the message across.

Responding in a poem seems a bit bad, so here's my proper response.

- From yours one and only, Milan.

(ps: i never had a tag lol, it's just me being childish as ever)

[livecharliereaction]

That went by so fast i havent even processed i already read the whole episode after parties included. What the fuck i need to read my own liveblogs

ange didnt actually do shit but its still perfect because just her PRESENCE is so great i just like having her around making her comments. i recall mentioning it at some point but a Sarcastic character as a personality trait is a little hard to pull off because its so easy to make it so unfunny and annoying even... but she is so witty somehow... and shes not really MEAN she is a great talker i do think this she gets along with people GREAT... Yet she has only enemies in this world. How cruel. Ange if i was in your time i would be crying in my bed at night over the fact we woudlnt be friends.

erikas another one whose screentime i aaaalways enjoy now that i got to know her last game shes sooo much fun seriously

i somehow understand beato even less now didnt know thats possible. not sure if i like the dual personality thing she has going on id have to know more

The way she looks just like you is what I really can't get over...! I can't stand it...

kanon n shannon are so Nice. Not mind blowing not life breaking but i did cry over them that one time in the other episode i think theyre very NICE. And maybe im wrong but i cant recall kanon smiling and laughing ever before like he did this episode... Theyre nice both of thme

THEY MADE HER SAY THAT TOO? the au au (i dont know what to make of it but they obviously want me to think of hanyuu with the last convo with bern but i dont know if its like. Crazy direct in that that IS hanyuu or less tangible of a connection u know. Remains to be seen)

again i dont understand beato at all how did she weave herself up just from kanons words they seemed quite normal to me... is it the additional part about observing the trial and all maybe she understood something when it was said that shannon and kanon have less than a whole human soul But beato its ok because i TRUST you to have an explanation for everything in the end...

Somehow very happy that georges past was explained up it feels like the story knows hes a total loser and leaves it up to me to decide if i think he ha somehow redeemed himself through the power of love or not (me i dont think so because his and shannons love doesnt speak to me aside from the scene where she breaks a mirror - and even that i mostly like from the perspective of shannons character and her trying to become human more than As a scene for the couple...) (but now i feel like the storys giving me room to think that instead of me having to actively hate it something something multiple truths yeah)

lol i was probab imagining some vague epilogue stuff nuh uh they married right on my screen just now in the tea party (this was about george n shannon but well battler n beato did too) (I dont know how to feel about it yet though it was just golden land so it might not carry over i mean it should in case battler n beato but it might now i dont really get the time physics still)

ange is so amazings

that EVA appearance... the womb stuff yeah that will get to me it will oh eva...

I did trust erika to deliver last episode too but this one stabilized it that girl is an ACTOR and a DETECTIVE and a NEAR PERFECT PLAYER IN THE GAME an ENTERTAINER and has a cute dress too. wow how amazing It feels too early to do some kind of rankings but i will say if she is someones favorite i Will understand

the tea party w the unions and all i do have to wonder if thatll carry over to the next game... Human kanon?.......But maybe probably not since bern game master

HONORARY SCENE MENTIONS: the intro with the wedding and closed room flashforwards (havent had a foreshadowing scene with unknown narrator for a while - higurashi loved to do that) + kanon admitting his feelings for jessica both first to shannon n then jessica aww + erika fiercely fights miss maria age 9 over nothing + battler showing up to the love trial yayyy + the little scene with dlanor where erika goes I love you. and dlanor goes What did you say? cos its so ooc. crumble of erika lore #cheating + doll jessica how cool will probably never happen again + erikas PERFORMANCE to get the packing tape ...I... Furudo Erika... haev packing tape...!! + beato erika duel near the end i forgot how fun her playstyle is that beato

AND THEN THE TOP 3

BATTLER REJECTS BEATOS COOKIES AND TALKS TO HIMSELF ABOUT IT! How heartbreaking! Wheres beato i was grieving TOO! Woww

Erika seals battler to the closed room special shoutout to the part where she reveals she "re-killed" everyone severed their heads and shit. Who does that? She is just so crazy crazy girl i loooove her.

The wedding of course... The penetrative description of her putting the cursed ring on him... the festivities... the erika dress... the knox crew argument about the windows with gaap... the overall feeling of a This is a cursed wedding. Someone is going to object and the fact that lambdabern was acknowledging this kinda too they were like Girl where is she... the letter addressed to lambdadelta... the beato gaming... Wowwww

IN CONCLUSION. Greatest episode ever did u notice i listed almost every scene literally. What the fuck. I hear it only gets better too. Ok goodnight. erika fan club

[samswinchesters]

OH MY FUCKING GODDDDddddD it’s so joever hhhhoooo ok speedrun the other stuff bc this is gonna be longg: fuck the blond man ok whatever he’s dead fuck BJ he’s dead whatever Rosemary can go live her best life somewhere away from evil husbands girl idcccc. the laughing ceremony was v cute finally some happiness. The guy they casted to be Joe’s dad is like a top 10 casting choice of all time go casting director. and Gordo is still a funny son of a bitch love him.

Ok here we go🫡

Chee going to say goodbye in uniform (yay!!!) too and saying how good she was at her jobbb and the HAND SIZE COMPARISON like hell yeah peak high school crushing behavior!!! and the kiss/ mini make out sessionnn like girl was that not enough to convince you to stay either????? like ok you’re stronger than me ig😵‍💫 And let’s be fr rn let’s not pretend like he didn’t think about rejoining the police just so he could be around you, in hopes you would stay. Like I knowwww he says it’s bc she left the force and Joe could use a hand but come onnn. And the shot of them leaving in different directions like ok I’ll go die in a ditch now got it thanks!

Ok the fucking Joe and Bern scene god🫠here we go🥹I was already feeling emotional bc of the hug but literally as soon as Joe called Bern his DAUGHTER it was so fucking over for me tears running down my face LMAO. Like if that happened to me i would unpack my shit right away sorry for even applying for the job in the first place. I know from actor interviews and whatever that Zahn and Jessica see their characters relationship as father-daughter, but to HEAR IT??! In the episode??!!??? Literally said, “oh my fucking god it’s so over” to my TV screen dkkdndhsjak. Also,,,, Joe just lost another child (luckily not to death this time!) and he couldn’t do anything about it, and what if he feels guilty by inadvertently pushing her to leave even more by killing Vines. What then???? i’m gonna lose itttt. And If anyone ever confirms he was trying to say “I love you” or “I’ll miss you” to her or smth at the end of his “Daughter, I-” before getting cut off by Bern saying “I know” I will actually be in that persons walls. When is it his turn to be happy! They didn’t even show a proper goodbye btwn them either and you KNOW they had one bc he would have had to have given her the feather at some point (SOBs) like if you’re gonna make a sad ending make it as heart wrenching as possible at least give us all the sad and crying and hugs gOD😭😭.

And not to mention, her whole talk with Joe about how she was in denial about how the world works didn’t convince me she needs to leave?? If anything the opposite?? maybe there is a nuanced way to show her on the job doing good on border patrol and being treated well but idk🫥. Like you said, I feel it would come across as super booklicker-y. And yeah she works BP in the books but does she really have to in the show? (I’m coping here) Maybe they could do a commentary on the border and how her working as a native woman there would have been. And then bring her back somehow? I don’t want her to come back fully defeated but at the same time I also don’t want the show to undo her development in gaining the courage to try to find her way on her own…. But get your ass back to the rez rn lmao I’m not joking around xoxo I am the director, lead writer and EP now haha

IMO this whole will she won’t she thing really feels like the writers were trying to have this big overarching decision with a super emotional ending (since Joe’s arc ended pretty suddenly with Blondie dying and him making Vines march into the desert on a whim), and while it was emotional it just didn’t make sense. Like it didn’t make sense before but it’s worse now😭. And obviously they want to move Bern’s character towards the books ig, but why? Why now after 2 seasons. Especially when Joe and Jim aren’t going anywhere and have their own books to go off of too. Like does she get some side border patrol plot every season now? Do they make the most unlikely circumstances where she can go help Jim and Joe? Do they try and adapt multiple books simultaneously despite them most likely not having much interconnectedness? I don’t know. They had such a good thing going with incorporating her character into the Tony Hillerman books as a TRIBAL police officer. And it’s like they wanted her to have this choice to make that’s really influenced by her surroundings and experiences, but in the show you don’t get any of that. Everything she goes through feels so contradictory to her decision. She’s finally back on good grounds with Jim, ok time to leave. Joe is off the walls but also being more of a Dad to her than ever, oh he’ll be fine he can handle it (can he tho). I promised Dean I’d look after his family? And I was an inspiration to him helping people on the rez? Nvm!!

That’s a *very* overdramatic and overgeneralized explanation of it but you get it I hope. Even her comment about not being able to do anything about Vines makes zero sense to me because does she think border patrol would let her fucking execute him for what he did??? Or that border patrol would lock him in a pit with no communication so he can’t get off on bail😭??. Originally watching I legitimately thought that this was the shows way of completely removing Bernadette from the story bc Jessica was done with the role, but that’s confirmed by the director to be not true. (silver lining yay!)

I have faith in the writers to do a good job with Bernadette’s character but I’m selfish and just want my silly tribal police trio back together asap!! They did not have the best little I-would-kill-for-you/ hyper-competent-coworkers/ found-family dynamic the three whole seconds they were all on screen together for them to kick Bern out!! Anyway, bring on season 3 AMC renew it already I am outside your office with a pitchfork!

(Also, its been super fun getting to rant in extremely long asks to you this season about this show, so thank you for the space to do that! Dark Winds def has its ups and downs but I love it so much and hopefully we get many seasons to come!)

apologies for such a late reply </3 i've been mostly on mobile and i wanted to give this ask my undivided, desktop attention since there is so much to chew and munch on here MWAHHH ^_^ thank u for your patience <33

what a solid season finale that felt like closure but also made me want to chew on drywall bc jimbern nation won but at what COST....crunching the numbers and doing the math we have GOT to get them back on the menu it's the most in demand at the restaurant. the hand comparison scene carried more romance than anything made in the past century like i am being sooooo serious that scene made me MELT and tear upwith a smile on my face like woaghhhh......love is REAL and i am witnessing it firsthand. ngl, sorry to bern but i would've sttayed for jim i am not like other girls sorry feminism :/ AHHHHHHHHH I DIDN'T CONSIDER THOSE IMPLICATIONS I AM PUNCHING THE AIR AGAIN NAURRRRRR.....he literally came back for her....she made him believe in himself again....don't look at me i'm processing my grief :( the parting of ways did make me cry i shan't lie it was teww much they pulled that rug from right under us and you expect us to be normal about it? girl!!!

that daughter mention made me FREEZE like i nearly dropped my shit bc omfgggggg that's my FAMILY. i'm still trying to wrap my head around why bern would apply for another job outside of the reservation like, she talks about it but to me it's just....it's not compelling? LIKE not to undermine her but couldn't she make changes in the job she's in as well?? does she not know what the border patrol does..........do you tell her or should i? goshhh, why do people keep leaving joe this is UNFAIR. not to play this card but if we didn't get a heart wrenching farewell from one of the most important people in her life, then this is how bern can still return in season 3...HELPPP don't make me fall into that rabbit hole. you are so right, like, she is such a well beloved character so if you're going to send off one of the main protags of your show, you send them OFF y'know?? unless you're like...supernatural....WELL,

thank you for picking up that other topic i slightly touched up above. it just...doesn't make sense at all. if the writers are trying to reason themselves on how to get rid of her, this is simply not it </3 never read the books but damn, can't believe she's still a class traitor after this time. then again, what did we expect from a copaganda show? nuance? you are soooo fucking hired we don't need a resume nor cv you take over at the amc studios. you fundamentally understand the complexities of bern and are able to support reasons on how her story can still add richness to the main storyline. writing her off completely would be a huge disservice to her character like if we don't even get updates throughout s3 or any mention of her journey,,,,,someone will have 2 answer to us. i really want them to continue following bern and i am getting scared that it's a possibility that they're now going to just focus on jim and joe. don't get me wrong, i love those guys but like....i also really love bern c'mon sign my petition everyone.

shows that deviate from the original story's plots can either make or break that show. i understand that they only have a short season with 45 minute episodes but that's when you make every single second count. every decision about how a character develops is a make or break thing with these types of shows. when they made bern leave the reservation, it feels empty. what for? if she has so much to do there? why now? when everything seems to align for the better? that's something that i probably can't really get past. jessica girl stand UP for bern you give her the voice and you can continue to protect it !!! i know it can be beyond their reach but a girl can only dream...hmmm...gosh, could you imagine if we got the trio back in action again? OHHHH i would start licking walls and jumping up and down. i really hope this wasn't like the final end to bern since there are a lot of shows that write off great characters like they meant nothing to anyone. the news of a confirmed s3 has my heart aflutter but also praying the rosary omfgggg i really do hope it's a sexy as hell season. and you are SOOO welcome :) this space is ALWAYS open to talking, venting, ranting, and babbling about anything, babe like i am here on the couch listening intently and watching every single hand movement and head nod. can't wait to do this again when the new season drops....yes, i do think we will all still be on this web sight in 2024 and 2025....,

[shesey]

Excerpts from The Wall Creeper by Nell Zink

If I tell myself stories, I get very sentimental very fast. So I didn't. I had hypnotized myself because Stephen had a job that could support us both and secretarial work bored me. I saw that I had followed the chief guiding principles of the petty bourgeoisie in modernity and made a virtue of necessity in telling myself my husband was a good lover. ... are you saying that what makes our relationship valuable is my willingness to suffer for you?

I don't see what that has to do with having a good relationship. It should be about getting through difficult stuff together. Difficult stuff the world throws at you, not difficult stuff you do to each other. I'm asking you right now to risk your life and health for my reproductive success.

If I put a picture of you and a baby on my desk, I can get promoted.

I'm sure there are couples that are fated to be together, like they meet each other in kindergarten and date on and off for twenty years, and finally they gie up because they realize they've gotten so far down their common road that there's nobody else in the entire universe they can talk to, because they have a private language and everything like that.

Have kids and turn so weird from the stress that nobody else ever understands another word we say. A couple that's completely wrapped up in each other can get through anything, because they don't have a choice. Right now we have the option of floating through life without b eing chained to anybody, but instead we pile on a ton of bricks and go whomp down to the ground.

I'm sorry. I figured human beings are curious. I try not to avert my eyes when life throws new experiences my way.

... my marriage was starting to feel like an exercise in opportunity cost.

Stephen's grief humanized him. I began to fall in love.

Maybe she was the kind who feels guilty when she commits adultery in her heart?

For the first time in years - or perhaps since infancy, when I hadn't known other people existed - I was certain I was alone, and my prompt gut reaction was to abandon all hope.

Consequently, Stephen was physically revolted by her. As if her failure to notice what was going wrong with the planet was linked to a black, spongy degeneration of her brain that might be contagious.

People talk a lot about midlife crisis, the momentary stress that arises when you finally slack off... It has nothing on unrequited love. Stephen stopped sleeping. He spent his nights staring at the TV with the sound off. He took Provigil so he could go to work. He looked weak and ashen as a ghost. On my knees by the couch, I begged him to take a few weeks off.

Even men in their seventies, talking to me after meetings about an impending block party or the proper sorting of garbage, would raise their eyebrows when I saw I had followed my husband from Philadelphia to Berne and then Berlin. I couldn't come up with a step I'd taken in life for my own sake. On my own behalf, to make myself happy, I'd done all kinds of things, all of them with the aim of staying close to a man. It hadn't occurred to me to be ashamed of myself. I'd thought love was a socially acceptable motivation.

Like me, she had moved to Berlin to be with her husband. The key difference was the kids. I envied her with a pang. An educated woman with little kids (I didn't imagine her having acquired them by any other means than hot sex) is a model of feminist, as well as feminine, virtue. Even her struggle to get strangers to take the kids off her hands is a feminist cause. Her work, bringing up the model citizens of tomorrow, is something society feels it ought to value and is constantly proposing as potentially eligible for pension benefits, unlike my work, which neither involved actual labor nor was anything but an end in itself, on good days, and otherwise not even that.

She hand't planned to drop out, but it was absolutely impossible to be an adequate mother and have a life, she said.

Stephen never had a strategy about anything. He just went ahead and did stuff, then tried retrospectively to figure out why.

[whenthechickencry]

Umineko EP5. Replay Part 4

I think this is the first console animation I really like, I think a lot of the other ones look kind of cheap and make the screen look busy. But her sword animation's pretty cool.

Ok yeah, Battler is going along with exposing her life but doesn't appreciate how everyone is trying to drag her through the mud, it seems. The fight beforehand had some cool music and moments I just didn't comment on it much bc a lot was defining of the mystery rules which, well, we already know the answer.

Haha.... Beatrice realizes Battler is going to fight for the illusion of the witch :).

....white horse haha. The white horse discussion being brought back again when Battler starts arguing for the witch side again is a neat detail, he's finally trying to understand Beatrice for real.

You could also argue that the fact Natsuhi has been noted to clean thoroughly to check for mistakes was foreshadowed all the way back on episode 2! Also the way people describe Dlanor as heartless, a doll, etc kind of makes me sad lol. They obviously don't have full context but she's anything but that.

Uh, I didn't save the draft properly so a bunch of screens got lost and so I will just summarize my thoughts on the following scenes rather quickly. The scene of Battler and Dlanor in the garden is really nice, it is obviously Battler kind of navigating through his more complex thoughts about magic he has gotten recently through learning Dlanor has her own conflicted view of magic, and I think the way he isn't hostile to Dlanor and instead assures her that what is in her heart matters is showing the growth Battler has done in understanding under. This scene generally sets the mood for how we should view magic for the rest of the answers arc. Dlanor then teases that Battler was let win, which brings me to the next subject, Erika. Erika was given some verbal abuse by LambdaBern because of losing (despite the fact she was made to lose, intentionally, by the people berating her) and so Erika goes on to abuse her subordinates in retaliation, which I think really does go on to show Erika is someone that can be empathized with. So much of the cast are people who throw their own abuse and frustrations into the others, and Erika also does this. It is kind of sad to me when the game remarks how she can't see love, how can she see love when it has never been afforded to her? I wasn't a particularly big fan of her at first reading, but it's hard to not read her as someone desperate for the approval of someone who was never gonna give it to her and so she lashes out to others. The game even directly points out Bernkastel is like a mother to her before she gets abused.

The letter mystery is discussed a lot, and Erika has some pretty good theories, I really like the hidden below the food tray one particularly, but obviously, since the event never happened it can get struck down. They end up concluding no one outside and no one inside could have made a knock, so if no one could have done that, it just did not happen. Lambdadelta fucks with Erika some more despite the fact she also doesn't really seem to have a clue. And Erika once again becomes desperate and decides to get revenge on Battler this time.

So she just kind of rants at everyone about how Batler didn't actually jump and just crawled, no one really cares bc they imagined it was a trick and it doesn't really matter and are just really confused at Erika zeroing at this. Bernkastel then LITERALLY tries to strike down Erika with thunder and Erika is so desperate for approval she assume this is a sign of approval from Bern.... someone save this girl.

Virgilia pops in at... inboard meta and confirms that the corpses were dragged somewhere they describe as "connected to the world but that no one can get to" which I think is a hint that Kuwadaorian, and Erika can't reasonably go there. Virgilia drops some truths about how no one would mistake their corpses from sight, which is true as they weren't corpses yet and once they became corpses no one can mistake them. They also make it really clear that Board-Beato and Meta-Beato are different people, and while this Board Beatrice is obviously not being played by Sayo bc Sayo does want to corner Natsuhi, I think this is also hammering in that Sayo in this board has different motivations than the other Sayos. Obviously that doesn't mean you can just dismiss them as another being entirely, though. Sayo's bitterness at Natsuhi can be seen in other fragments, it's just Sayo's motivations being written by someone with a different view of her.

Natsuhi did some good acting tbh she played the character of exasperated Natsuhi in order to run off the room perfectly. Battler going out of his way to point out she should close the door is weird, might be his way of sympathizing and trying to get Natsuhi to not fall into the trap. Also.... what the fuck Natsuhi? That's an awful punishment, obviously I think the goal in this episode is a bit more revenge than repentance, but Sayo in general seems to place accepting your sins as something important, so I wouldn't be surprised if that was part of the assignment, especially since it's perfectly possible Shannon got told this from Jessica at some point.

The "Did Shannon do this?" is kind of funny because the answer is like, yes but not because the reason you figured Natsuhi lol Sayo just placed 4 cards in your room, doubt she even remembers that. Also, her narrative about how she's ungrateful is sad when the only reason Natsuhi can hold on to her wealth is Sayo deciding to let her. Natsuhi points out that Hideyoshi going to the room is unpredictable therefore obvi not part of the plan.... obviously when it's obvious that him being there IS the plan you should suspect Hideyoshi of being in the plan. The scene is obviously very scripted in general, with Eva jumping in to hear Hideyoshi's last word and the murder being completed + Eva showing up so fast that Natsuhi didn't get to steel herself to leave the closet.

It's kind of funny how much they seem to be fucking with Erika as much as with Natsuhi.... they ask her to carry the corpse and she is like idc about corpses and then they take the corpse, letting Erika seal her own demise. Granted Erika would fuck everything up for them and they can't bribe her so, yknow, makes sense. Considering the public spat Jessica and Erika had I can imagine this is how they convinced her to do a fake murder plan, tell her it was to see Erika fuck it up. Erika tries to open the closet, but gets stopped by Battler because her seeing the fake Hideyoshi corpse was probably too big a risk. Erika is really earnest about Natsuhi being the culprit... girlfail....

This scene between Virgilia and Beatrice in the Golden Land is very interesting. Virgilia points out that Bern and Lambda were brought to end the deadlock of Battler being unable to understand Beatrice, and like I have said Lambdadelta has indeed been dropping a million hints! They broke the deadlock by forcing Battler to consider how important Beatrice is to him and how much she wanted to be understood by him.... after he nearly killed her. Beatrice being described as being in purgatory is calling back to the time time Battler forgot her too. She was obviously not in heaven, Battler never came with a white horse to save her. But she wasn't allowed to be in hell and accept that Battler just didn't give a shit because Battler never confirmed that himself. She was stuck in that painful feeling where you know keeping hope is lying to yourself but not lying to yourself feels like betraying someone you love.

Everyone introduces themselves - bringing attention to how the cast has increased so much since the original 18. Bernkastel points out that Natsuhi is the bullied kid in every fragment which is pretty much true, the manga has Beato point this out in EP8, too. The irony of Beatrice is tasked with defending Natsuhi when Sayo holds a particular bitterness towards Natsuhi has been going through my mind during this episode. Battler struggles a bit with how the truth is very fragile in Rokkenjima, and I think that he's beginning to understand Sayo *wanted* a catbox.

Bernkastel calling Beato sub-human..., ouch. There's a lot of talk about how Erika has to do this because a human, not a witch, has to solve this... but it's kind of funny to me. Erika is a fictional being with many powers not afforded to humans. She's not a witch but I wouldn't call her human either.

Erika first drops her seals, it's interesting to me they are hand-me-downs from Eva. Kinda makes me interested in seeing Eva and Erika interact more. The going-down-the-list effect is cool too.... if I remember correctly they 'deny' all of them despite the fact one of them is obviously the right answer, I think on replay you can see the "never stop thinking" philosophy a lot during the answer arcs.

"Is it not possible that they were actually just playing dead" was knocked off with the red truth "These give really are dead" but notoriously the time is not mentioned in this red truth despite the fact it is being discussed heavily otherwise. Only the fact that that they were alive at 24:00 was discussed. You can tell they are giving Beatrice a hard time and letting Erika off easy though - confirming alibis like that without real proof is huge. And the more red truth that gets confirmed the harder it is for the Witch Side to be able to move about. Erika gets kids gloves a lot which is something she will realize and try to rectify at the end of EP6 i think.

Battler understands that Beato was helping him a lot now! Aaa, that makes me very happy. He mentions "She responded to almost all of them (red truths), giving me quite a few hints" The description of Erika listening to the room the entire night is kind of interesting, yeah proves her point Battler didn't do shit but the fact she heard nothing in that entire time is a clue that a murder absolutely did not take place. Erika kinda jumps into "the murder must have occurred between 12-3" as a response to this. This is where her whole theory fails as she doesn't consider that the murder didn't even take place.

This being the first completely fake murder is pretty interesting. If any murder HAD occurred Erika would 100% have caught them on the act. Lambdadelta probably figured Bernkastel would play aggressive detective and built her game around that.

The description of Erika creating the plot line is interesting. It shows how she makes up a theory in her head she will absolutely refuse to move from it and will continue with it to the end. It works right now because LambdaBern are giving her a lot of help... but, her theory is based on many false assumptions, and on replay it's kind of fascinating how from step one you can tell how all of these re wrong when they felt so suffocating when you first read this part.

"Even if Erika has accused Aunt Natsuhi of being the culprit, ...and even if everyone else here believes that, ...that's exactly why I want to be the one person who trusts her..!" Battler is kind of sweet when he's being kind of delusional like this haha reminds me of when he was denying Kanon culprit theory on ep2. Of course, he's right here and he was only kind of right in ep2. But it's more based on his desire to defend the small dog than it is on any actual proof or anything. But still, it's not a purely negative trait. And he's going to realize that "Even if everyone else here believes that" will apply to Beatrice soon, too.

Do you want to create a catbox, Battler? Are you understanding what led Sayo to create one? Having no answer is better than a heartless one, isn't it.

Natsuhi is given the opportunity to accuse Krauss and she obviously doesn't take it. She talks about how no one can damage her honor with fiction. It's kind of sad she mostly uses her incredible resilience and power to hold to her position mostly to defend people who do not care about her, but I still can't help but find this trait of her impressive. If she was able to use it for other stuff.....

"Truth can only be found in the gap between those who doubt and those who believe...!!" are echoing Battler's thoughts 5 minutes ago, ofc, but they also serve to highlight what Beatrice has always wanted. She doesn't want you to deny the witch illusion but also doesn't want you to accept it uncritically. She wants you to see what is hidden behind her and accept the person behind the illusion.

Kinzo kidnapped a woman, called her useless for being infertile, and forced her to adopt a child she didn't want.... and in that entire time he never once deemed her worthy of his gaze. I fucking hate Kinzo.

They show everyone's faces when Eva is eating the shit out of Natsuhi and Kanon looks so like... kind of smug lmfao. Clearly enjoying that their plan to torture Natsuhi worked.

Lambdadelta knows the truth, of course. She also taunts Beato about how she isn't able to defend herself once she get fed to the goats.... Lambda might be doing a lot to make Lambda's dream possible but she isn't about to save her. She has no tolerance for people who don't do the work themselves. Dlanor stops the Beatrice execution and then plays the role of looking annoyed and condescending to Battler. Dlanor mentioned earlier how her heart doesn't matter because she does awful things anyway but in this case, her heart gave Battler another chance

Huh.... the TIP for Dlanor's Red Key mentions that "In this world, Senator Lamdadelta has placed restrictions on its use and power." The idea Dlanor can just say anything in red she pleases in any other world is kind of op! No wonder she's a death sentence. Battler is fighting Erika by trying to argue about the seals, this serves to feed the player a bunch of reds in order to have no delusions of breaking them. Battler's on the right track that he has to attack the fundamentals of Erika's theory, but he's not getting to the right thing to attack, yet. I'm going to kill you Battler you just made me cry again... her cackling sound so sad and frenzied..... god damn it Battler. She is so fucked up.... the voice acting here is so sad.

Battler realizing he's failing Beatrice, finally, starts to frantically throw out shitty theories. You uh, kind of killed Beatrice with that once already but I appreciate the effort at least. It is extremely funny, I say it's funny as I am crying, but: Dlanor has barely said a word to refute any of Battler's arguments besides pointing out the Knox Rules. He's just getting hit with "your theories are too stupid to be put in a mystery" over and over.

He's right here though! They weren't mistaken, they were correct and lying! Natsuhi didn't check the corpses so this is still true, she's the one person who isn't on the plan besides Erika.

My heart is broken into many pieces.

Beatrice talks about the fragility of truth a lot during this episode, this was first brought to the story by Ange, actually, but obviously it's a big part of Sayo's character. She understood this fragility when creating the catbox. It can sometimes be empowering for her when ie she's using Beatrice as a power fantasy but also can deeply hurt her when she starts thinking that dying with a 'happy lie' is better than living a harsh truth.

[sammydem0n64]

I need to keep myself from going insane so uhhh miscellaneous gijinka oc headcanon post! Yass!!!

-Sukir might honestly be drink/color mixed, or at least one of his parents had color gijinka blood in them. I mostly say this bc I’ve given him attributes that fit my color gijinkas (aka a colored tongue and how he primarily dresses in shades of the same color) before I even had Over Rainne Bay. Idk him being mixed in some way just makes sense ig

-Percy hates Mother’s and Father’s Day, but not because of his parents deaths. It mostly because anyone who knows his past gives him sympathetic looks and even verbal condolences on these days, something he despises. He’s moved on from the events, and he doesn’t need to be constantly reminded of his parents’ passings, and yet he can never escape it.

-Ok I wanna talk abt the whole deal with Seale + Schwep’s dad and his wives.

—His first wife (who he didn’t have kids with) tried to kill him for the inheritance but failed.

—His second wife (Seale’s mother) was pretty average but the relationship still fell apart, it was just on friendly terms but for whatever reason, Seale’s dad had full custody of her. I want to believe her parents fell out due to several differences, so perhaps her mother had a packed work schedule, contrasted with her dad’s retired life, meaning he could actually raise a kid.

—His third and final wife (Schwep’s mother) is a simple woman deeply infatuated with him, and he returns the favor, but this resulted in them neglecting Schwep since they’re only concerned with their own love life. Hence why Schwep went to live with Seale when she moved out, and why he latches onto Chazn as a mother figure.

-The true amount of kids Derrick has is unknown, but I’m keeping it at the current amount solely because I hate having to update the family tree. We can take this as he only has six kids canonically or that we have only seen his six kids, regardless I am preserving my own sanity

-Swirlnie is often forgotten by his peers and even teachers in school due to how quiet he is

-Peache is genuinely incapable of feeling fear. The most you get out of her is concern for her loved ones but that isn’t even fear, it’s just being realistic given how one of her besties might be dying from illness and knowing her own daughter lives in an area with an active serial killer

-Grapine and Banip are both 5’5.

-Firo was actually the shortest member of the Old Oreo Gang. Everyone (Sugao, Marion, Marshe, Ivan) were taller than him. Even Bonnie, Chuck and Hershey are taller than him.

-Going to be honest Baron and Bruce could have more hidden kids that were the result of hookups, especially Baron since he targets such young woman (more fertile). This fact about Bruce terrifies Peax.

-Bern looks a lot like his mother, this often makes Jonas feel a melancholic nostalgia

-I think Ket would be very talented at playing the violin. Like if Marshe didn’t die and they had the money to afford it, he’d be a violinist as a hobby in his youth. Of course nowadays he doesn’t have the chance to even consider playing the violin

-Minle’s dating life is a mess because Minzi has basically hated all of his previous girlfriends, she just didn’t reach the point of killing them

-Beau was actually the result of a hookup gone wrong, and his parent who gave birth to him abanonded him with Rosemary basically right after he was born. She raised him ever since and would’ve beat the shit out of her sibling if they crossed paths-

-Prim is honestly has a rather large build? He’s not a muscle machine but he’s still rather toned and has the strength to show for it, this surprises everyone whose only heard of him in passing-

[broodyjoey]

I feel so unloved and unheard here. Nobody cares about what I say, even when I was right about something. Even when I’m warning them about something.

Then they blame me when things go wrong.

I wish Amelia could swoop in from somewhere and whisk me away. I want to live in her comfy guest room and be so close to her.

She’s not real tho. How my heart aches for her to be real, to be a real person.

She’s not real and she can’t swoop in to save me, she can’t swoop in to give me a nice room of my own, away from my abusive family.

I’m all on my own. There’s nowhere else to turn to. I wish Amelia was real.

In a perfect world, she comes up with a great plan with little flaws. She helps me pack and we leave in her family car. I arrive at her house to a warm welcome and her parents love me the way my own never did.

Someone out there is my Amelia right? Right??

Amelia will come and save me right? I can’t believe in the harsh reality because I will kill myself if she cannot become real. I can’t live like this anymore. Amelia’s not coming.

I want to delude myself into thinking Amelia’s coming, or Andy or Bern. Someone’s coming to help me right?

I don’t have to make a fake marriage just to get out of this house right? I don’t want to deal with this. Legally, I can’t do this on my own. Here, we have to be married in order to buy a house.

I wish someone loved me, my bfs used me and just wanted pussy. I never had a gf but my friend say the people I attract are just going to use me.

I’m so tired of this life like this. I don’t want to live anymore. I hope the afterlife looks like my most happy and beautiful daydreams about my time with Amelia.

I want to fall into her arms and have her tell me it’s alright now. That nothing can hurt me anymore. I don’t want to hurt anymore.

But I’ll still be a coward and not kill myself. Because I’m scared of death. I hate this, nothing like my own fear keeping my trapped in this cage-like existence.

I will overcome that fear one day.

[dragonsfictavern]

More Than A Favor

Yelena Belova x Reader

a/n: my first Yelena fic!! I love Florence and I loved Yelena in this movie. She’s iconic. She is the moment. I adore her. I’ve read so many fics but I need more. So I’m writing them, haha.

warning: mentions of blood

word count: 2.1K

Denmark 

You wipe the blood off your face, grimacing at the red that covered your fingertips. You wipe it on your pants, not caring if it stained. Stained anymore, that is. 

You flatten your back against the building, peering out and looking for any more men in black and orange jackets. When you gave the all clear, you swiftly moved out onto the road. 

With your heels clicking briskly along the cobblestone road, you walk up to the apartment Rick Mason has secured for you.

“Hey, Bernie,” you say, smiling, as you pass the old man that is seemingly always sitting outside of the building. He’s lived there all his life. Now that he’s retired, it seems all he does is sit there, play chess, do crosswords, and talk to anyone who passes by. 

“You stayin’ out of trouble there kid?” He asked, not looking up from his crossword puzzle. You stop your hurrying pace. You could manage to stop outside with no sort of cover in sight to talk to a friend. You’d take that risk. Your life was lonely enough. You cross your arms, shrugging afterwards, a slick grin on your face. 

“Always,” you reply, clear amusement in your tone. You see him raise a brow as he fills out a word in the puzzle. It was only after that he finally looked up at you, right in the eye. 

“Then why the blood?” Your smirk grew. The blood in your hair, the smeared blood on your face and body, and the clear stains on your clothes were all obvious. 

“I cut my hand while cooking,” you answer calmly, the smirk staying clear on your features. A grin spread across his own face as he laughed out a few hearty chuckles. He nods, looking down, concentrating back on his puzzle. 

“Just make sure you don’t drip on Moireen’s office carpet. Or else she’ll come out here and start complainin’ for hours,” he warned with a huff and a shake of his head. You laughed lightly, your shoulders shaking. You sent him a nod before you looked back out at your surroundings. No one was here. Good. 

“Alright. I’ll see ya later Bern,” you agreed, making your way to the door. You heard him snort. 

“Good luck, kid,” he muttered, writing another word down for his puzzle. 

You swing the door open, ignoring the tall staircase towards your left and instead headed to the right and into Moireen’s office. You looked to your immediate right to see her sitting at her desk. 

When she saw your footsteps, she looked away from her desk and up at you. She looked you up and down before going back to her work. 

“You’re not gonna get blood on my carpet, are you?” She asked, her accent much thicker than Bernie’s. You shook your head slowly, holding back your amusement. Bernie and Moireen knew each other like the back of their old wrinkly hands. 

“You know I would never dream of it, Moireen,” you express teasingly. She let out a single hard laugh as she shuffled with her papers on the desk. 

“You got some important looking mail today. Thought it would be better to deliver it right to you but you weren’t in the apartment,” she explained, bringing out a handful of packages and letters. You eyed them warily but took them with a smile as she handed them over. 

“I was cooking,” you say distractedly, flipping through each piece of mail. Not even getting the chance to appreciate your instinctual use of your excuse. Out of the corner of your eye you saw her nod and go back to her work. 

You were busy carefully looking over your mail when a certain piece caught your eye. You forced your eyes not to widen or make any distinction of awareness. You cleared your throat, blinking away to look at Moireen as you stuffed the letter in the middle of the pile. 

“Thanks,” you say quickly, turning around to book it up the stairs. 

“And don’t forget! Rent is due next week,” she shouted after you but didn’t bother to get up nor look up. 

“How could I ever?” You called back. But you knew you wouldn’t be here next week. You’d pack everything up, send it to your storage room, and after whatever Natasha needed, Rick would find you someplace somewhere new. 

You made sure to shut your door quietly after you entered your apartment. You keep one hand on your knife as you silently look through each room. When it’s confirmed no ones inside, you rush to your dining table and dump all the mail on top of it. You spot Natasha’s cypher instantly. You swipe it up and move to your desk. 

Opening the letter you notice it’s a McCormick Cipher. You can’t help but smirk. Natasha was always sending you different cyphers. A different cypher with each letter. Most were said to be unbreakable. But you had a certain talent for them. 

You spent the next few hours cracking this one. You can admit you were a bit distracted. The history behind the creation of this cypher was incredibly interesting. It took you weeks to figure it out after you first read about it. But it felt so good to finally crack it. And it felt good to crack this one too. Until you saw what it said.

’Meet in St. Petersburg. At the place.’

You sit back in your chair, breathing in and out deeply. She wanted to meet there?! Horrible memories flashed within your mind and you flinch, jerking forward. You close your eyes, breathing in deeply. You could do this. 

You sit up straight in your chair, breathing in again. You could do this, you told yourself over and over again. As you open your eyes, they fall right back on the letter. 

“Natasha… you owe me big time for this.”

St. Petersburg

You walk the streets, wearing creased pants, a black bodysuit underneath, and the suit jacket over it. The sunglasses and recent dying of your hair would be enough for no one to notice you. 

You watch Tang Zhen from across the street. You look up and down the street, in every window of every surrounding building, you watch the roofs. When you’re sure it’s safe, you make your way to the restaurant in ease. As eased as someone like you can be anyway. 

The bell connected to the door rings loudly as you open it. You scowl. You always hated places that did that. Your eyes move around the dimly lit restaurant. They flick from person to person until you notice a certain shade of red on the hair of a woman sitting near the back of the restaurant. But your eyes narrowed as a blonde sat across from her. 

Your hand slips into your pocket, firmly grabbing the knife. Just in case. You place your free hand over your mouth and make the bird call. Natasha turns, looking over her shoulder to smile at you.

Her smile drops as you reach the front of their table, her eyes looking at your pocket. 

“Who’s the blonde Tash?” You ask, looking at Natasha closely and the blonde from the corner of your eye. She sends you a look. 

“My sister. Calm down, loosen the grip on that knife or else you may break it,” she teases. You inspect her features and eventually reach the conclusion she’s telling the truth. You let the knife fall to the bottom of your pocket. Your hands raise in a surrendering motion and a trained controlled smile lights your face. 

“Hey, you can never be too careful,” you say through a breath. Natasha smiles but says nothing further. 

“Why do we need her exactly?” The sister asks, looking a bit irritated. Her accent was thick. Cute. You watch as Natasha sends her sister the exact same look she just sent you. 

“She’s good with recon. She’s also studied the Seventh Circle Prison. She’ll know the best way to get him out without attracting attention,” Natasha explains, her mere tone putting respect to your name. The sister looks up at you with a distrustful raised brow. 

“I’ve never heard of her. How do I know she’s any good,” she says, looking right at you. You lower your sunglasses, connecting your eyes to hers. You plant your hands on the table, bringing you and her that much closer. You ignore the racing of your heart or the way you automatically analyze every speck of brown in her green eyes. 

“There are sixty-seven tables in this room. Nine windows. Twelve lights hanging. Fourteen families eating dinner. Seven workers out on the floor. Five of them women, two of them men. Thirty-six of the people in this room have blonde hair, including you. But only three people in this room have red hair. None quite the same shade. One is dyed, it looks more orange. Two is natural but it has brown tones in it. Then there’s Natasha. Eight of the families in this room have clothes on that could be hiding weapons. There are only two doors visible for escape. In case of an attack the best way to escape would be to enter the kitchen and go through the owners office to their door that leads to the loading area,” you explain lowly and at a pace that ensures no one else could overhear. You smirk as the sisters' eyes go wide. She looks around the room, checking everything you mentioned. 

When confirmed, an amused grin spread over her features; but you could tell she was genuinely impressed. You watch intently as she places her hands on the table, she pushes herself up so quickly and smoothly that her chair jerks back fast behind her, skidding across the ground. Then she turns to you. 

As you take off your sunglasses, tucking them in your pocket, Natasha’s sister stands in front of you. It’s only then she grins and holds out her hand. 

“I’m Yelena Belova,” she says smoothly, her accent sending shivers down your spine. Yet you make sure not to move. You look down at her hand that stands in between you two. Your own hand moves forward. You make sure your thumb brushes across her hand as you clasp your hand with hers. You introduce yourself as you meet her eye again. 

You made note that neither of you were actually shaking each other’s hand. You were both more so holding it than anything. 

“It is a pleasure,” she says with a quirk of her lips. You squeeze her hand and use it to tug her against you. She lets out a gasp but doesn’t stop you. You smile, tilting your head slightly as you use your free hand to brush a few strands of hair behind her ear. 

“Yes. It is,” you reply. Her lips part, making you look down at them. It’s then you notice the flush on her cheeks. How pretty. You smirk as your eyes glide over her features till they reach her eyes. You shift your position, moving to stand even closer against her. “How about this? I saw a bar I’ve heard of before that’s just down the street. Noticed it on my way here. They serve the best stuff. How about we head down, have a few drinks, and you can tell me why you want to break into the Seventh Circle Prison,” you suggest, a charming smile on your face. Yelena— wow. What a beautiful name. Yelena smiles over at you. 

“Sounds good to me,” she says a little breathlessly. 

“Yeah,” Natasha says as she slaps her hands on the table, effectively breaking the trance. You both look over at her, not moving from where you stand or your connected hands. “Sounds good to me too,” she says with a smile that practically screams sarcasm. She sends you two a look, her lips pursed amusedly. She grabs her things and starts heading out of the restaurant. “Let’s go get a move on,” she shouts as she walks around the tables. 

You continue to watch Natasha leave from over your shoulder. You don’t look away from her as you talk. 

“Come, Yelena,” you say, not looking back at her as you turn your body around and pull her toward the front door of the restaurant by the hand that’s still connected to hers. You feel her jog to catch up and stand next to you. It’s only then you look at her with a smirk on your lips. “We are going to have so much fun together,” you say, squeezing her hand and relishing in the smile she sends you back. 

Taglist: @maat-the-prescriptive @ramblingsofaburnout @willowbleedsonpaper @adoregin @amourtentiaa

[circular-time]

Something that was very important in classic Who, but that's bern missing for most of New Who, is the "travel broadens the mind" journey, as Sarah Jane put it. Far from being damaged by their sojourn with the Doctor, every companion, with 3 or 4 notable exceptions, grew into their own person by discovering things about themselves during their travels to other times and places. Their adventures allowed them to uncover potentials, strengths, and abilities they didn't know they had, sometimes teaching them via the school of hard knocks, other times by giving them opportunities to spread their wings. And through it all, the Doctor is there encouraging them, or at least cajoling and challenging them to meet challenges.

When they leave the Doctor, it's because they've chosen a time, a place, a role. They learned Who they are, never who he is. And the First Doctor's words to Susan apply to every one of them:

"Go forward in your beliefs, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine [in you]."

Chibnall, my age, grew up with this paradigm and the Crowded TARDIS and the show centering around Adventures in Time & Space (plot driven) rather than the character of the Doctor or the Doctor/Companion relationship (character driven). He circled back around to the latter, I think, after some criticism of season 11 not spending enough time with character development.

But I was relieved to see that he gave Ryan and Graham an absolutely classic Who departure. And I'm hoping that Yaz — Who did after all start this journey hoping to do something more than be a traffic cup, to make a difference — will find her own place, something to do with her life (I honestly expected her to join Vinder's Rangers or whatever they're called), which she realizes is a better thing to do than keep hanging with a maddeningly lovable asshole (Because 13 the Doctor can be both the most magical soul in the universe and an utter bastard, even to her their friends)* however much she loves her.

*every single incarnation, not just this one. It's one of the few constants.