#i played both for the first time around the same time so there is 0 nostalgia at play here

[draculas-tits]

i keep trying to find value in them but the half life 2 games really are completely inferior to the half life 1 games

[astrxealis]

i think i'll start final fantasy type-0 now !! going to do more nier replicant main story (aka onwards starting emil's mansion after i finish all the side quests ^___^ and all of them are just gardening so yeah)

[jhdyuiee]

blossom

wildflower - part 1 .

❁ blossom : a new beginning & growth .

❁ pairing: ex!jaehyun x fem!reader

❁ tags/warnings: angst, fluff, smut!, pregnancy, unprotected sex (flashback scene), multiple positions (doggy&missionary), oral (f), squirting, kissing/making out, nipple/breast play, hair-pulling, spanking, fingering, mentions of masturbation (m), pet-names (baby&darling), down-bad and groveling jaehyun (:0), cursing, mentions of drinking, time-skips, bittersweet ending

❁ w.c: 7.9k

❁ a.n: hi! you ask and i shall deliver, part 2 of wildflower! writing this one was so challenging because i was having major writers block, which ended up delaying it's release, aghh. anyways i tried pulling through, so stick until the bittersweet end <3 ! JOLO OUT IN 2 WEEKS (obsessed with roses, like jaehyun babe who hurt yuh?!) 🥃 . anyways love you all, stay safe & jiji out 🤍

“i'll never forget how stupid in love i felt. i'll always regret how i couldn't ever tell, that you walked a little faster, left me behind.”

“kissed me with somebody else in mind. i loved you so much that i settled for less.“

“oh, you were my everything… i was your second best.”

- laufey | “second best”

jaehyun’s pov.

“fuck, fuck, fuck,” i shouted as the door closed. i contemplated chasing after her, but something told me not to. how could’ve i been so fucking stupid? why did i think she would understand– no, this whole shit was impossible to understand.

i cheated and lied to her. there wasn’t going to be anything i could’ve done now to undo what i did. i did the worst thing a man could’ve done, and broke her, played with her innocent self. i could love for infinitely, but that still wouldn't have been enough to repair the damage. 

i looked down, remembering the gift she gave me right before leaving. this small gift bag held a massive weight. with trembling hands, i started unboxing it and pulled out a small velvet box.

no, this couldn’t be… now hurriedly i opened it. a silver colored ring, in the middle of the box. you fucking bastard, i thought. i really fucked up, really beyond repair.

i took the ring out. i noted the small stones around the band of the ring, my birthstone, amethyst.

my cheeks felt wet, only then did i realize i started crying. now i regret not chasing after her, spending the rest of my day apologizing to her, pleading with her. she took my happiness when she walked out that door, a part of me with her.

and for all i knew matters would only continue to get worse from here on out…

two lines.

there are two fucking lines on the stick…

“i’m pr-pregnant…” i muttered.

this couldn’t be happening, oh how i wished this was a dream— a nightmare i could wake up to right about now. but no, this is fucking reality.

well i guess that would explain why i was late and the nauseating feelings i kept having. however so i still hoped it would come out negative. it wasn’t that i didn’t want this child, it was just about whether or not i’d be up to live as a single mother.

i caressed my stomach, though still unnoticeable, how would this child be able to live? made without mutual love, and there was no denying this was a result of that night. the very same night before disaster struck.

did the birth control not work? i thought. no, impossible it’d always worked, but perhaps luck was truly never in my favor that day. it’d been about or over a month since that day and a lot has happened, my newly discovered pregnancy being one of those things.

as i walk outside my bathroom and into my bedroom, i gently sit on the edge of my bed as flashbacks of the past month flood my mind. first things first, that same week i began moving out with my shared apartment with yuna. we had a pretty heated argument, both sides equally hurt and betrayed. yet one thing i’d say we both saw eye-to-eye was how much of a scum he was. who knew a simple man would cause our friendship to fall apart.

anyhow, with that out the way i started making preparations to move out of not only that apartment but the city. luckily the move went smoothly thanks to a special someone.

mr.jeong.

it happened a day after my talk with yuna when i decided to talk to his father. i felt the need to come clean, confess to everything that went on. to my surprise, mr.jeong hadn’t yet heard of our breakup nor from his son. i expected mr.jeong to feel upset, or at least angry towards me but he didn’t. in fact he cursed at his idiotic son, sympathizing with me. the woman who entered a fake relationship and lied to him, nonetheless there was no denying mr.jeong’s genuine care and love towards me. he treated me as his family, the thought made my heart ache. i mean it was a silly thought as i’d never will become his family.

our talk lasted well around an hour before i decided to depart. i made the decision to tell mr.jeong that i’d be moving, in which he offered two things. one, to never tell that idiotic son of his where i’d gone to in case he asks. two, money.

i refused to take the money, but he insisted i take it since i’d just quit my cafe job. also adding how expensive getting a singular apartment would be for me. after much dispute… i ended up taking the money. he also added there was no need to repay him back, and that if i wanted to look at it as a i’m-sorry-for-my-idiotic-sons-foolishness recompense.

nonetheless i’m eternally grateful to mr.jeong. i mean without his help i probably wouldn't have been able to move into this apartment in a fairly quicker time as if i didn’t have the amount they asked for. once i settled in, i began job hunting.

just the other day i went in for an interview. i still awaited the call from the company, it was a publishing firm.

i plopped down onto my bed, absentmindedly staring at the ceiling. who knew the year would turn out so catastrophic for me. a whirlwind of thoughts flooded my mind which eventually led me to a deep slumber. the pregnancy sure to be the cause of my tiredness.

ring. ring. ring.

my eyes slowly fluttered open, trying to find the noise of the abrupt ringing. my phone's screen lights up, vibrating against the mattress. i reached a hand towards the device, not even bothering to look at who was calling me.

“hello? is this y/n?” a woman’s voice spoke.

slightly unconscious i answer, “y-yes, may i ask who’s this.”

“ah- nice to speak to you y/n, this i’m mrs.kang and i work for the publishing firm you applied for.”

oh, now i was fully awake. “woa- hello! nice to mee-speak to you ms.kang,” i stumbled on my words.

a slight chuckle arose from the other line, “yes, well i just wanted to tell you that… you’re in! congratulations, the company has decided to hire you!”

what! no way… it has to be a dream. i pinch myself, ow. okay not a dream. “wo-wow, thank you so much! w-when can i start!”

“next monday, if that’s alright with you,” she explained. “yes! that’s fine with me,” i almost immediately replied. “that’s great, see you on monday ms.l/n!”

i bid her farewell before hanging up. wow. my life is really seemingly picking up after all the bad luck. oh but now there was the baby to think about, i still haven’t called my clinic. “it’d be best to call them now,” i muttered. and so i did, my appointment was set for thursday.

i reach back for my stomach, a faint smile appeared on my face. “my little light,” i whisper into the empty bedroom.

i was keeping my baby, it didn’t matter whether i would be a good mother or not because this child was a little gift to me sent from the heavens above. my baby, not his. “you may not have a father, but that’s okay, my little light. i’ll make sure to give you both so you’ll never feel lonely. mommy loves you so much already.”

my little light. finding my way out the deepest depths of hell, you became my light who guided me to my new beginning. and for that you’re my little light. my savior.

jaehyun’s pov.

i drove into the driveway of my father’s residence, parking before finding myself knocking at his front door. he’d called me yesterday night, urging me to see him today. i wonder what he could’ve wanted. i wasn’t in the mood to see him today or come to my childhood home where memories of her existed.

it’s been over a month since we broke up and my life has been nothing but a shit show. i stare at my left hand, the sun's light reflecting on the piece of medal around my finger. her final gift, her parting gift; the ring found it’s home on my left ring finger. i’ve never taken it off once since that day that i put it on.

i can’t even count how many nights i spent crying, drinking, and cursing myself. y/n… her name hurt to say, verbally or not. sometimes it felt as though she was still there, waiting for me at my apartment, in my car, everywhere. she haunted me everyday, even when i slept.

she never answered or responded to any of my calls or texts, assuming she blocked my number.

the door swings open, and instead of being met with ms.kim i was met with an angered man, my father. “nice to you see you too,” i said when he didn’t offer to greet me first. strange, i thought. normally he’d be chatty but today he just walked, guiding me to his office. we took a seat across from each other on the leather couches he had in there.

silence filled the office before i decided to speak up. i cleared my throat, “so what’s wrong father.”

he huffed, “you’re no son of mine jaehyun.” i furrowed my brows, no son of mine?

he must’ve noticed my confusion because he then continued. “i know what you did, what you did to her. how could you!” he spoke, his words getting louder the more he continued.

shit.

”you think i wouldn’t find out? the poor girl came to me just the other day, a mess, yet nonetheless confessed to everything that was going on between the two of you,” he continued, my eyes widening more. she came over… she was here…

i clenched my fists. “i-is she alright? did she look okay?” i trashed question after question. my mind only thinking of her. he stayed quiet, not answering any of my questions. a beat or two passed before he continued speaking, “i mean really jaehyun… lying to her just to get back with that other woman?!”

fuck, looks like he knew everything. i sucked a breath in, “i-i didn’t mean to-” he cut me off, “mean to what!?” he shouts. “to fall in love with her. to break her. for any of this to happen,” i answered. my vision was beginning to blur. i faintly hear my father, tsk, before speaking.

“get ready jaehyun.”

i looked into his eyes for the first time since we entered his office. “f-for?” i asked, a gut feeling telling me it wasn’t for anything good. “i’m passing the company to you. i’ve been meaning to for a while now, and after all this mess you got yourself in you don’t exactly deserve it but i’m not getting any younger.”

my mouth fell open, then closed. no way he was asking me to take over the company… i wasn’t in any way, shape, or form prepared. heck i was still a mess from the break up.

“and i don’t care if you’re not prepared, a mess, or whatever excuse you have to offer me, you’re gonna take over and that’s final.”

there was no point arguing, when my father made a decision it was final. “alright,” i said, throwing my head back against the couch.

i hear as he gets up, resting my head back up. he pauses for a moment when he grabs the doorknob, turning to face me.

“and to answer your questions from earlier, she’s gone. y/n left jaehyun, she’s not coming back so you should give up. i mean it’s not like she’s going to take you back after everything you put her through.”

my heart dropped, my eyes blurring again. she-she’s gone? y/n, my y/n? no, no… this wasn’t supposed to happen. and so before i could further inquiry my father any further, he opened the door and walked out.

he left me all alone in his office space, me and my thoughts. my gaze drops down to the ring, where a single tear drop landed.

7 months later.

“ow,” you muttered. you bring a hand to your stomach, feeling the tiny kicks of the little human inside you. “i might as well sign you up for soccer,” i say, feeling another kick that causes me to chuckle. perhaps that was my sign that my little light was up for playing the sport.

for the past 7 months since i found out i was pregnant it’s been… a lot. it was hard being alone, but as time quickly passed i started getting the hang of it. i wished i had someone to go to, but my parents were long gone. i never really had a family to call my own, except now for this little human.

ever since my stomach started showing i’ve been working at home, the company was surprisingly pretty insistent about taking a maternity leave, but i still needed a way to make money. the workload wasn’t a lot, in fact i was only assigned with editing reports. nonetheless the pay was still great.

in fact, next month was going to be my last month working as the date for my birth approached, i needed to take the time off. in the 7 months too, my memory and thoughts of him dissipated. i was doing better, i could feel it. it wasn’t just for me, but for my baby too. i didn’t want my child to be upset with me.

as i got up to go use the restroom i heard the faint ringtone of my phone. i sighed as i looked at the caller id. “and what do i owe you the pleasure of, jungwoo?”

kim jungwoo. my co-worker and newly found best friend. he was the only one by my side and the only one i’ve spoken to about everything that’s happened. shock would be an understatement of his reaction, but nevertheless he still stuck by my side… annoyingly so.

“is that really a way to greet your bestest friend!? i’m very offended y/l/n, after all that trouble of going to get you those midnight cravings,” he says, falsely sobbing into the phone. though he couldn’t see, i rolled my eyes. this guy, i swear.

“oh my, i’m sorry your majesty. please forgive my behavior just now,” i replied. “you are forgiven,” he says back. “but… really jungwoo, why’d you call?”

“nothing much, just… open the door and you’ll find out,” he says. i do as he instructed, slowly walking to my door.

you open it, revealing jungwoo with a carry-out bag in hand. was it unusual to say you developed a keen sense of smell since your pregnancy? well because it smelled like he brought over fried chicken.

“uhm… can you maybe drool later, and let me in now so we could dig in,” he says, standing frozen. i snap out of my hungry state, moving aside to let him in.

we walk to my dining table, sitting across from one another. jungwoo does all the unpacking whilst i watch with prying eyes as he takes the food out and opens it. “dig in,” he announces. i wasted no time, grabbing the chicken and stuffing it into my mouth. i let out a satisfied groan, the chicken tasting so damn good.

you being too engulfed with that damn delicious fried chicken, failed to notice as jungwoo turns on the television. “come back before i finish everything,” you warn him. he lets go of the remote, stopping at some random channel. well the television was the least of your worries right now.

“how’s she doing,” jungwoo speaks up, eyeing my stomach. “i’m thinking of signing her up for soccer when she’s straight out of the womb, little girl can kick,” i replied, earning me a laugh from jungwoo.

a couple months back, my doctor told me the gender of my little light. a girl, my baby girl. i didn’t partially care what the gender was going to be, but nonetheless i was still ecstatic about the revelation. having a baby girl meant i would be able to dress her up, so cute like a little doll.

“jeong jaehyun.”

i whip my head to the television at the mention of that name. my eyes widened, dropping the food from my hand.

“n corps newest ceo is the first to accomplish acquiring various kinds of subsidiaries in such a short amount of time– ranging from luxury brands to flower shops,” the female reporter says as they display a picture of the man.

i squint my eyes, focusing them solely on his left hand. i hoped my eyes weren’t deceiving me because… is that the ring i gave him. no… no, my mind and eyes had to have been playing tricks on me because why on earth would he wear, better yet still have the ring.

“is that him,” jungwoo speaks up, interrupting my thoughts. i turn back around, my mood suddenly plummeting. i don't say anything, just nodding my head to indicate that the man who just appeared was the same man i spoke of.

and so for the rest of dinner we ate in silence, minor talk appearing but jungwoo would always be the one initiating it. i was too lost, going down a rabbit hole about him.

when we finished eating, jungwoo insisted on cleaning up– he even took the garbage with him as he left. i walked him to my door, bidding him goodbye. when he was gone, i headed to the bathroom, a shower was very much needed.

plopping onto my bed, i stare at the ceiling. my thoughts on, jaehyun. a familiar ache appeared in my heart, i thought i was over him but it seems i might be far from it. “i guess mommy isn’t all that strong, huh little one,” i whisper as i reach my hands over my stomach.

you’re not sure what came over you that night, that news report igniting your lost feelings. and so in the midst of your thoughts, you somehow drifted off into a deep slumber.

an interesting one, per say. not only for you but for the other party involved as well…

✧˖°ʚ ❁ ɞ♡

jaehyun crashes his lips to mine, eloping me into a deep and passionate kiss. his tongue slides along my bottom lip, begging for entry in which i grant him.

our tongues fighting one another, and teeth occasionally clashing. my mind began to fog, but i refused to stop. i could feel his love with every kiss.

“strip,” he says in a sultry tone. i felt the air getting hot.

grabbing the hem of my top, i pulled it over my head, and then followed my shorts. i left myself in my lace panties and bra, jaehyun licking his lips in delight.

reaching his hand over, he gropes my tits which earned him a breathy moan of his name.

reaching his hands to the back, he swiftly unhooks my bra, letting it fall beneath me. he groans, admiring the way my tits were on full display. “so fucking beautiful,” he says, taking his mouth over one of my nipples.

he sucks on it, and eventually bites down on the bud. i bite my bottom lip, not wanting to yell out loud.

i look down at him, his eyes staring back at mine as he practically makes out with one of my tits. i could feel one of his hands slides down my back at a slow pace, leaving a burning trail behind.

“you want me to touch you, baby?” he asks as he fondles your ass, sending a small slap across the flesh of skin. “y-yes,” you moan.

“tell me baby, where.” his voice so deep, his head coming up to peck my lips. i nearly melted, “yo-you know.” i take an unoccupied hand of his to my sex, making him palm it. “my pussy needs you,” i whisper as i leaned into his ear.

jaehyun’s lips twitch up, kissing you hard one last time before he begins to go down on his knees. he places his hands to the waistband of your panties, dragging them down your legs. “open up for me,” he says, and i begin opening my legs up. he drags his fingers to collect the slick that began dripping down my thigh.

kiss after kiss, bite after bite along my thighs. reaching a hand to his hair, i grip it. and when he finally reaches my cunt, i become a whimpering mess. his hands gripped my thighs, holding me in place as his tongue darted out.

a slow tantalizing lick, and then another. i jerk my hips forward, wanting more friction. i feel as jaehyun stops his licks. “don’t move, or else i won’t let you cum darling.” his warning was clear, i stayed still.

and so he continues, but instead of licks he sucks on my clit. along with using the tip of his tongue to tease the poor bud, before finishing off with a bite. “j-jaehyun!” i yelled when i felt his teeth on my clit.

letting go with a pop, i watch as he licks his lips before diving back in. his licks faster than when he first started, and before i knew it he brought his fingers into the mix. one of his fingers entering you, then two, both knuckle deep inside you. it wasn’t until after he pecked your clit that he began thrusting them inside you.

in and out, out and in. your gummy walls clenching around his digits as they quickly thrusted into you. you feel the stretch of your walls as he opens them, like scissors. the constant chant of his name was such a melody to his ears, urging him to do more.

you felt yourself getting closer to your release as he continued his ministrations on your pussy. he must’ve felt the way you clenched around his fingers, “close?” he asks. “y-yes, m-my cl-clit!”

jaehyun got the message as he attached his mouth onto your clit. with both his mouth and hands working themselves on you at the same time, it felt like you could cum at any moment. with one suck to your clit and his fingers plummeting in you, you gushed out. a stream of liquid coming out of you, splattering all over his arm. it wasn’t the first time you’ve squirted but nonetheless you still felt shy, hot all over.

jaehyun gets back up, watching you as you watched him lick your essence off his arm and hand. “so delicious, a delicacy that you are baby.”

you could almost cum again from those simple words. as you try regaining your breath jaehyun brings his lips to your ear. “on the bed, all fours,” he whispers. a shiver runs down your spine, his sex-dazed voice was one of your favorite things in the whole world.

without wasting another second you head towards his bedroom, onto his bed with hands and knees on the mattress. your ass up, on full display. slap. you jerk forward from the sudden movement.

and another one on the other cheek. you turn your head around, a naked jaehyun behind you in all his glory. his hard, thick cock reaching his stomach. you could see the glisten of his pre-cum. you feel his hardened member rub against your slit, both your essences blending with one another.

then he places a hand on your hips, while the other holds his cock so he could slide it into your aching hole. his cock slowly stretches you out, walls wrapping snuggly around it. you could hear jaehyun’s groans the deeper he goes in. when he’s all in, he kisses your exposed nape before going absolutely mad.

jaehyun was an absolute madman when it came to having sex. when he was balls deep inside you, he felt like he’d gone into another dimension; another world. you are quite literally the most perfect thing in this world, you were made for him.

your mouth falls into an ‘o’ shape when you feel his tip kissing your womb, tongue hanging out when he grabs some of your hair to pull you against his chest. you didn’t know if it was even possible for his dick to reach you even deeper, but it must’ve because this angle allowed for him to reach places that have never been touched before.

it wasn’t long before you ended up cumming on his cock, jaehyun following suit after a couple more thrusts. feeding your womb his seeds, which eventually dripped out of you as slides his cock out. you slump onto the mattress, too tired, body giving up.

on the other hand, there was something so hot about watching his cum drip out of your pussy. it turned him on, his cock beginning to harden again. his hands reached your body, turning you the other way so your back was against the mattress. you looked so fucked, he loved it.

“ready for round two?” he says, not even waiting for your answer before he intrudes back into your hole. fucking his cum back into your pussy. his hands, finding yours as he interlocks his fingers with yours. your watery eyes, low chants of his name, the clenching of your walls and fingers, the way your mouth falls open, and your tongue lolling out. fuck. it was the perfect sight.

“god, i love you,” jaehyun groans as he thrusted into you.

there was no stopping him now, he was going at an insane pace. the sounds of skin slapping, his balls on your ass, and the squelching sounds of you both echoed in the room.

letting go of one of the interlaced fingers, he brings his hand to your clit. the poor swollen bud victim to his ministrations again. he used his thumb to rub the bundle of nerves, you clench tighter around him. your own orgasm not too far away.

“k-kiss me!” you yelled. jaehyun wasted no time bringing his lips onto yours. it was sloppy but you didn’t care, you loved the way it felt.

you moaned into the kiss, as you finally came for the third time tonight. taking his lips from your mouth, he puts them on an exposed section of your neck, sucking on it as he came.

filling you up for a second time tonight, you felt the warmth inside your womb. you wondered whether you could get pregnant after tonight. having his babies, becoming parents, getting married— a dream.

both of you crash onto his bed, not bothering to clean up for now. both too tied, and unable to get up. he kisses your hair, whispering sweet nothings and lulls you to sleep. you and jaehyun peacefully sleeping in each other’s arms for the night.

jaehyun’s pov.

fuck. what the fuck.

jaehyun jumps up from his bed. too shocked, unable to comprehend what just happened. he doesn’t mutter anything, he just goes into his bathroom and turns on the shower.

stepping into the cold water, he faces the tile walls. his throbbing erection the least of his worries right now.

“wh-why… why did i have a dream about that night, the night before we-we-“ he mutters, the water dripping down his body.

jaehyun didn’t know why he dreamt about you, the steamy night that unfolded a week prior to the break-up.

yeah, he’d get off to past memories of you but never a full on dream. he didn’t know what to do, to think, to say, to anything.

and he couldn’t even being himself to sleep again, so he showered in the cold. it’s been 7 months, the pain still not gone. he misses you tremendously every single day.

he stares at the ring that still stayed on his finger, clenching his hand as he wants to punch the wall in front of him.

“y/n…”

2 months later.

december 14. the day my little star was born.

she was born healthy, no complications. and luckily i was fine as well. it was excruciating pain but knowing she was close to being brought into this world made such pain disappear.

in fact, today we were scheduled to leave and i couldn’t wait to just go home. my home wouldn’t feel so empty anymore, the thought made me smile.

d/n (daughter name) was currently being breastfed, her eyes shut and wrapped like a burrito. she was the most beautiful baby, though she does look quite a lot like her daddy.

i sigh, throwing my head against the pillow. and before i could fully relax after various sleepless nights, there was a knock to my hospital door. the knock causing me to jerk my head towards the door.

“come in,” i said loud enough so the person on the other side could hear, and low enough so it wouldn’t frighten my baby as she was fast asleep.

i thought it was just some nurse coming in to check in before i left but it wasn’t, far from it. my eyes widened. the person also stopping in their trace when they noticed me.

“y/n…” the feminine voice speaks.

my mouth falls open, “m-ms.kim?!”

what was she doing here? why- wait… kim jungwoo, kim… oh my god. the pieces clicked together, she was the person jungwoo promised to call.

just last night jungwoo called me, apologizing over and over again for being unable to take me back home. i do remember him telling me that he’d find someone else, but… who knew it’d be his mother, ms.kim!

we both stayed frozen. neither speaking, you could probably even hear our breaths. however, the cries of a baby erupted into the room. the cries bringing us back to reality.

i look at d/n, swaying her gently in my arms. her wails didn’t stop though. “c-can i?” ms.kim asks. i look up, nodding my head, handing her my daughter. it was almost intriguing how fast d/n calmed down, falling back asleep in ms.kim’s arms. she takes a closer look at the baby in her arms, “she’s adorable, such chubby cheeks.”

i admire the scene in front of me, when was the last time i saw her? i thought. does she still work for them? countless questions wondered in my head until she spoke again. “she looks just like him,” she says softly. i almost froze, eyes widening. i never told her who the father was, but then again my baby does look a lot like her dad. then considering ms.kim had been with the jeong’s since he was born, she must’ve seen how he looked as a baby.

“d-does she,” i say at a loss. she nods, “i’ve been with them since he was still in the womb, and watched him grow, so i can guarantee you they’re daughter and father.” when i didn’t speak she spoke again, “i probably shouldn’t be bringing him up… i- mr.jeong told me. he explained to me what happened when i asked why you weren’t coming over anymore, and well… i’m sorry.”

wait… why- why is she apologizing. i stopped her immediately, “n-no, you-you have nothing to do with what happened, why are you apologizing?!”

“i raised him after,” she answered. i shook my head, “no, please don’t apologize. you and mr.jeong played no part in what unraveled between me and him, nor do or will i blame either of you.”

she faintly smiles, “you’re too kind, y/n. in all honesty, i thought i would never see you again but yet here you are, you even befriended my son.” i giggled a little at the thought of jungwoo, “he sure is something else, but i’ll be eternally grateful to him.”

we continued our conversation for a while longer before a nurse came in to give me the okay to leave today. i did and completed the necessary things so i could go home, ms.kim helped me. and after a couple hours we were finally out of the hospital with d/n in the car seat ms.kim brought along. she said jungwoo got it for me, as a congrats-on-giving-birth gift.

ms.kim drove, while i stayed in the back with d/n, arriving at my home a while later. we spent the rest of the evening there, ms.kim preparing dinner. whilst she was doing that, jungwoo got off work and came over. he was overly excited to see d/n, shunning me and his own mother out.

when the food was ready, i put a sleeping d/n in the crib i placed in the living room. then i headed back to the dining table, sitting down and for the first time enjoying a homely meal. it was so good, i started crying. when was the last time i felt at peace? when i felt complete? jungwoo nor ms.kim said anything, letting me have a moment.

my home was finally warm and cozy, my new life begun today. my little light radiating throughout my- our home.

4 months later.

i sighed, pushing the stroller of my 4 month-old child along the park. the cold winter weather was gone, and the flowers were in full bloom again. we came for a stroll at our local park, i was in need of a refresher.

it’s been a month since i began working again, and things were going great until a couple days ago when i was informed of a new task. the ol’ mighty task being… interviewing… jeong jaehyun. with the rise of n corps, my company was in desperation to get an interview with him. and if matters couldn’t get any worse, our main interviewer broke their leg a couple days ago, so they decided to assign me with the job. well, they gave me until the end of the week to decide whether i was up for it but… come on, me?!

no way, there was no way i was going to-

“y/n?” a voice shouts. the voice sounding familiar, i turn around without any second thoughts. though now i wished i hadn’t turned around at all, that i had simply ignored the call of my name.

i froze. “j-jaehyun,” i said in a voice that was only loud enough for him to hear. what was he doing here… he shouldn’t be here… no… no wh- “it really is you…” he says, interrupting my thoughts. he walks closer, my eyes beginning to blur. “baby,” he says gently. my stomach churns, in a bad way at the use of the word.

“d-don’t ca-call me t-that!” i say, my voice distorted. i was probably trembling as he walked closer. he stopped in his tracks when the cries of a baby erupted.

shit.

he stops, his eyes focusing from me to the strolling behind me. i instinctively blocked her, hiding her from his view even though it was too late now.

it seems it didn't take long for jaehyun to connect two-and-two together. “i-is that my- our child,” he says in an astonished tone. at least he wasn’t such an idiot, i’ll give him that.

i shook my head, “no, you’re wrong. she’s mine, she doesn’t need you.” i wasn’t going to deny that he was the dad but that didn’t mean i’d consider him as her father.

jaehyun drops to his knees in front of me. his sobs getting louder as he cried. my heart ached at the sight, but then remembered why we were even here in the first place. i turn back, my grip tightening around the stroller’s handles.

i begin walking away, stopping briefly. “you should’ve moved on the day i left the hotel. we are strangers jaehyun, remember that.” he looks up, tears staining his face. i noticed a shine from his finger, it came from the ring around his left hand. i immediately identified it as the ring i had gotten him for his birthday. 

“w-will i truly never see you again, see her again,” he says, trying to regain his composure. i don’t reply back, leaving him in that park.

on the walk home i made up my mind… i was going through with the interview.

✧˖°ʚ ❁ ɞ♡

i was sat, waiting for jaehyun to arrive. our meeting location was chosen to be at a restaurant, where we were designated with our own room for privacy reasons. honestly, i could care less about the interview. 3 days had passed since our reunion, and i felt that there was still much left to be discussed, so what better way than to talk about it here.

the door slid open, jaehyun stiffened. his mouth falling open, “w-what-” i interrupted him before he could continue. “surprise,” i sarcastically said. he looked out to check if he was in the right room, only to be reassured he was. jaehyun sits down, his head down, not daring to look up. i could tell he was keeping his guard up around me.

i softly sighed, “the person who was set to interview you, broke their leg so they put me as their replacement.” i felt it was only right to explain the situation since i’m sure he was wondering what i was doing here.

when he stayed quiet i continued, “and for the record i accepted it only because i felt that we needed to have a deep talk about everything. let’s put aside the interview for now jaehyun.”

he finally looked up, his eyes meeting mine. “w-where is she?” he asks, stumbling on his words. “she? oh! d/n is with ms.kim. you probably don’t know but ms.kim offered to look after her while i worked,” i explained. it was the truth, ms.kim, since the time i began working again took care of d/n. she argued she’d find a way around working with mr.jeong and babysitting.

however it seems jaehyun was oblivious to this. “m-ms.kim,” he whispers, in which i respond with a nod. “that’s where she’d gone,” he continued. “what do you mean?” i asked.

“well, my father briefly explained that she’d gotten a job somewhere else so she wouldn’t be able to work from certain hours,” he answered. so that’s what she told them, i thought. “mmm, speaking of your father… how is he?”

“i guess he’s alright. the old man and me aren’t doing so well, so it’s hard to say…” he says, stopping briefly to take a sip of his water that was placed there by the waiter before he even arrived. “ever since you left, he got pretty upset with me. he forced me into the family company, didn’t even wanna consider me his son. i mean it didn’t matter to me, i deserved it after all.”

i stayed quiet, not knowing what to say at his revelation. “s-so, tell me about her. please, y/n,” jaehyun pleads. i give it some thought before sighing.

“her name is d/l/n. she was born on december 14th. i found out i was pregnant around a month after that day. she was all i had left so i decided to keep her. and god was that the best decision i’ve ever made. yeah, those 9 months were sometimes hell, but i managed. i was scared of being a single mother, but hey look at where i am today,” i explained. his features softened as i continued explaining my past year.

and when i finished he asked, “won’t you let me see her?” i ponder, “i wish, i want to… but, i-i’m not sure if i can trust you yet jaehyun.” “and why is that?” he asks. “b-because of what you did. you broke me completely, crushed up all faith and trust i had for you.”

“t-then give me a second chance,” jaehyun declares. you look at him astonished at his declaration. “w-what do you mean?”

“give me a second chance to prove to you and d/n i can be trusted. i’ll make up for lost time, i’ll love her triple, no infinitely more. please, just please… we don’t even have to go into it thinking we might get together, i-i just want to see my baby girl.”

his voice was getting weaker, practically pleading with me. a second chance, huh. i took my time to think about it, would letting him into out lives be the right choice? i was gambling here, but nonetheless i made my decision.

“f-fine. you better prove yourself worth forgiving, jeong jaehyun.” his face almost lit up, “th-thank you! i most definitely will, i’ll prove to you both. i won’t make the same foolish mistakes. i’ll love d/n, i’ll love you,” he says. i’ll love you. the phrase brought something out of me, touched my heart per say. 

and so after an overdue talk, we cleared up our misunderstandings. we agreed on co-parenting, among other things. the interview then proceeded as planned, and once that was out the way he drove me home. i offered to invite him in, in which he gladly accepted.

ms.kim was shocked to see him show up, confused even but i briefly told her i’d explain it later. d/n was awake, and when i introduced her to jaehyun it was like the most sentimental scene. he cried, heck i probably did too. even more shockingly, d/n warmed up to jaehyun faster than i expected.

it felt like we’d finally become a family, like we could finally live happily ever after. and although i knew the journey was far from being over, i was willing to test the waters. if in the near future jaehyun and i ever get together then we get together, and if we don’t then we don’t.

whatever the future had in store for us, we’d face it once it came. but until then this new life that has bloomed for us like the flowers, will be lived with one another by each other's side.

“you’re my dandelion.”

© jhdyuiee

2024. 08. 18

final a.n: woohoo, we're at the end! writing part 2 like i mentioned was a hassle since i was having writers block, worst feeling ever! on top of that i started school again :(( . not the best couple of weeks but i managed to get this done in a week, nevertheless i really hope you all can enjoy it. thank you for your continued love and support, i truly cannot thank you enough for everything! that being said, i will be taking this upcoming week off, and will hopefully be back to uploading for the last week of august. i love you all berry much! please look forward to jaehyun's solo, JOLO, on august 26! thank you&i love you, jiji signing off 🤍

[futfemfantasies]

safe and sound \\ alexia putellas x bronze!reader

This is for @patriwoso who requested this many months ago! I hope I did it justice :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N Bronze.

Lucy’s little sister.

Alexia thought she had zero to no chance of you saying yes to a first date due to your older sister. When you said yes, her whole demeanour changed. Everyone can see how much Alexia loves you, except your sister. Keira had expressed Lucy’s concerns with you and you shake them off as you don’t care what Lucy says. Yes you love Lucy and she’s your best friend but her older sister concerning phase is getting old and you’re annoyed. 

A tight arm pulls you out of your slumber and a kiss on your shoulder blade makes you turn around with a soft smile. Alexia pushes a stray piece of hair from your face before kissing your lips softly.

“Good morning my angel”

“Good morning Ale”

“We have a little time before the match. So you and me, breakfast date?”

“Sounds divine”

You kiss Alexia as she rolls you on top of her, straddling her waist. Alexia showers you in compliments before taking you to the actual shower to get cleaned up before your date. You get dressed in a cute, summer outfit and Alexia does a double take when she walks back in the room after feeding Nala and is speechless.

“Freeze bebita, don’t move. Dios mio where is it?” Alexia rummages through the drawer for the polaroid camera, only to find it has no polaroids inside. Scrambling for her phone, Alexia takes many photos and stares at you lovingly. 

“Are you ready to go?” You nod and your hands intertwines as you go downstairs to leave. Getting to Alexia’s car, she opens the door for you and gives you a peck as you get in. On the way to the café, you get a text from Keira that Lucy’s in a grouchy mood she she will probably be a little over protective today. You sigh and slouch in you seat, thinking how annoying Lucy is going to be today. Alexia stops at a red light and looks over at you, putting a hand on your bare thigh.

“Forget Lucy, forget everything. For the next few hours it’s us time. No phones or anything. Just us” You nod and hold Alexia’s hand in yours.

“How do you always know what I want?”

“I just know you so well mi amor”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A delicious breakfast leads to a scroll through the Sunday markets and Alexia buying whatever you want. Towards the end, Alexia went to pay for somethings a few stores down so you decided to buy her a bunch of sunflowers. She comes back and you give her the flowers, making Alexia confused but happy at the same time.

“For always taking care of me and for treating me like the most delicate thing in the world. Te amo mi amor”

Alexia kisses you and you both head back to the car to get ready for the game later on.

Alexia pulls up to the stadium and you wave to the fans waiting to get a glimpse of their favourite players. You both get out and Alexia grabs your bag before you could even close the door. A look is shared between you both and Alexia shakes her head with a smug smirk that paints her face. Grabbing your hand, she pulls you gently into the stadium to prepare for the game. Little did you know, Lucy watched the interaction with a hard, ‘don’t fuck with me’ look on her face and headphones on. 

As everyone is about to go, Alexia gives your a quick kiss and wishes you good luck as you’re in the starting XI. A hand on your lower back guides you out and you know it’s Alexia immediately. Lucy didn’t like that at all. She moved Alexia’s hand up before walking past you both.

Barca win the game 5-0 unsurprisingly as the team is one of the lower teams in the league. You scoring a hattrick and Alexia assisting the other two goals. Turning slightly to your left, Keira and Lucy seem to be talking about something that’s getting a little heated. You keep watching them and two strong arms wrap around you and soft kisses on your cheek. 

“You played good princesa”

“Thanks Ale”

Looking back at Keira and Lucy, Keira gets fed up and walks away. You sigh and start to walk into the locker room with Alexia following you like a lost puppy. You both quickly shower and leave to get home to have leftovers and cuddle on the couch. Tying the last knot in your shoe lace, a presence next to you grabs your bag. Alexia holds out her hand and you take it silently. A scoff is heard from behind you as you both are about to walk out and you turn to see Lucy rolling her eyes. About to comment on Lucy’s actions, Keira signals not to engage but you ignore her, it’s enough. 

“What’s your problem?”

“Nothing, leave me alone”

“Well it sure is something. Don’t think I haven’t seen all the times you tell Keira or someone about how Ale treats me after she does something. I knew it was you who told Mum about the incident and how you pulled Ale’s arm off me earlier. So Luce, what’s your problem?” You finish with a loud and angry tone in your voice, one that is usually soft and almost quiet. 

“Not here” Lucy mumbles as her behaviour is finally being called out. 

“Why not? You behave like this in front of everyone”

Alexia pulls on your arm and whispers for you to stop. Shaking your head and you turn back to Lucy, determined to find the reason why. 

“Just drop it okay, for crying out loud!” Lucy swings her bag over her shoulder and storms out. 

Keira mumbles to come over later and talk to Lucy as she’s going to Aitana’s. Silently agreeing, Keira hugs you and goes after her girlfriend. Tears begin to well up in your eyes as you face Alexia. She pulls you into a tight, secure hug and whispers that everything will be okay. Saying goodbye to your teammates and hopping into Alexia’s Cupra was your favourite part of the day (when you usually love training).

Alexia decided that after what happened in the locker room, takeaway is the best option for dinner. Ordering the few different things from your favourite pizza ship, the doorbell rings while you’re in the shower and Alexia opens it to find Lucy holding the pizza and sides. Alexia moves out of the way, silently inviting Lucy in. The pizza is placed in the living room and Alexia quickly mentions getting something from the bedroom. Running up the stairs, Alexia goes into the bathroom gently alerting you of her presence. 

“Bebeita, pizzas her and also Lucy” The shower turns off and you wrap yourself up in the towel Alexia’s holding. 

“Did she say what she wanted?” Alexia shook her head.

“Okay, I’ll be down in a minute” Alexia decided to give you some privacy so she kisses you softly before whispering.

“Whatever happens downstairs, I’m not going anywhere” Before giving you the softest forehead kiss. 

Five minutes later, you come downstairs and Lucy stands up quickly. 

“I may or may not have come to my senses”

It’s your turn to roll your eyes before gesturing for Lucy to continue as you all sit on the couches. You lean back into Alexia and of course hold her hands.

“I did some thinking and realised my behaviour since you two began dating was not sister or best friend like. I want to apologise and say I’m sorry for all the death glares, eye rolls and scoffs” Squeezing Alexia’s hand, you silently tell her it’s going well, so far.

“I guess I’m still in over protective, older sister mode. I realise, with Keira’s help, I need to cool it. I can see that you two are so in love with each other and Alexia treats you like the most delicate thing. Bienvenido a la familia Alexia” (welcome to the family Alexia)

You look back at Alexia, realising she might not have understood the whole speech but the last part put that beautiful smile you love on her face. 

“Yeah I hope so soon” You mumble but Lucy gives you a smirk. 

“So we’re good?”

“Yeah, we’re good sis. Just stop being an overprotective little shit” 

You both hug tightly and Alexia goes to get plates.

“Pizza time?”

[demonvibez]

Oooh there's this scenario I've had in my mind for a while now //0//0// Its pretty generic I think but... Beelzebub + using food during sex.... It's kind of cheesy but like,,, it's so hot too. whipped cream ON his favorite human?? They both taste divine in their own right, but both at the same time?? Sinful.

A/N: not cheesy at all! I think a lot of us would enjoy this scenario. 😈 hope y'all enjoy this drabble, lemme know if you'd like more! ♡ Rating: Explicit (MDNI) Tags: food play, chest play, oral sex, fem anatomy, penetration mention

It all starts out innocently enough, as it normally does when hanging out with your boyfriend. You find him in the kitchen once again, cruising the cupboards for a midnight snack. You surprise him with a few snacks in a hidden drawer of the fridge, and pull him back with you to your room. You can't sleep anyway, so why not indulge?

And while Beelzebub is normally content to munch away on whatever snacks you relinquish to him, instead he intently watches as you enjoy your own food. Do you even know how seductive you're being? The way you lick the whipped cream off of your fingers, the way your eyes roll back a little at the taste. He can't help but for his mind to be clouded with ideas on how he can make your eyes roll back...

Suddenly, a dollop of whipped cream falls down your chest, dripping its way between your breasts. Before you can even reach down to wipe it off yourself, you can feel Beelzebub's tongue gently licking it off of you. Savoring it like a rare treat, the moan he lets out at the taste stirs desire deep within you.

"-Tastes'damn good," he mumbles against your skin as his lips continue, searching for more. He needs to taste more of you, all of you - another shade of his Gluttony taking over. You pull away, only to quickly pull off your top and spray a little bit of the whipped cream onto your nipple. With a mischievous smirk and lustful eyes, you press your breast back to Beel's lips - which he eagerly accepts. The feeling of him swirling your nipple around his tongue has you gasping out tiny little whimpers and moans, eliciting Beel's already aroused cock to grow impossibly harder. He'd love nothing more than to relieve his aching cock right now, stretching that pretty little hole of yours and filling you up with his own cream - but his sin has another idea, for now.

In almost an instant, Beel pulls away from you, only for him to grab the waist of your shorts and rip them off with your underwear in one fluid motion. He snatches the bottle from your hand, a slight shiver going up your spine as he sprays it onto your sex. The moan that escapes your lips as he licks the cream from your clit is loud enough to leak into the hallway - but neither of you care. 

Sweeter than Celestial sugar, he can't get enough of the taste. His favorite human on his tongue, drizzled in the sweetness of the cream - so heavenly, and yet so sinful. Although the more he continues, the more he realizes he prefers to taste only you. He discards the can, his focus never leaving - he is beyond ravenous, and only you can satiate his hunger. His moans rumble deep into your core, the tension within you building as he devours you. Another few swirls of his tongue send you over the edge, euphoria washing over your body as he eagerly laps up every last drop.

And without even the slightest pause, the Avatar of Gluttony continues on, happily sucking on your sensitive cherry as you writhe in pleasure underneath him. Overstimulated after your first climax, you beg and whine, your mind a mess as you grind against his face for more. You just need him inside of you right now, but he just can't find the willpower to pull himself away...

You are addictingly delicious, and Beelzebub will not be stopping until his appetite is fully satisfied.

· demonvibez ♡ 2024 · do not copy, repost or modify · · comments, reblogs and likes are deeply appreciated! ♡ ·

[thirstywoso]

Five years down, forever to go pt3 // Jessie Fleming x Reader 18+

Synopsis: Jessie needs something or someone to take out her frustration after the draw against Utah

A/N: this was inspired partially by the draw to Utah Royals and the conversation myself and @flemingsfreckles had about the game/Jessie. Same as last time this can be read as a stand alone so you don't need to read part one or part two.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, Strap on use, oral, reader receiving/Jessie giving, Dominant Jessie, angry sex, breeding kink, marking, light bondage (handcuffs), light choking, as always there may be more than I'm forgetting.

W/C:2.6k

This is literally just a quick write so probably not that great, it's also shorter than the other parts but it's deffo not sweet

Again you can read this as a stand alone no need to read part one and part two

As the whistle blew and the score had stood at 0-0, your eyes found Jessie on the pitch. Throwing her head back in annoyance you could tell she would be beating herself up for not doing more to help the team. You knew it was ridiculous because she was up and down that pitch, making runs, winning the ball back and punting it up the pitch to Sophia. Unfortunately the one chance Portland had was ruled as offside, much to your dismay as well as Jessie's.

At the end of the game your girlfriend looked visibly upset as she walked over to the stands.

Jessie being the professional she was spent time making the rounds with fans, shaking hands, signing shirts and taking selfies. You smiled on as you watched her greet some young children holding up signs, one reading 'Number 21 you're my favourite' another 'Jessie Fleming is my hero'. From where you were stood you couldn't hear what she was saying but she was smiling and laughing, you watch as she gives the two young fans a hug and a high five.

Seeing how she interacted with children always stirred something inside of you, a family with your girlfriend is something you had always wanted but her way with young fans had always made you feel that little more fuzzy.

-

You'd made your way into the family waiting area after watching Jess disappear into the tunnel with a sour expression.

You stood chatting with some of the other players partners until some of the players started emerging from the locker room.

Sam was one of the first ones out and she made her way over to you, resting her hand on your forearm she gave you a sympathetic look.

"She's pretty mad right now, she has some press to do but I hope for your sake she's calmed down by then"

"You both played well tonight, I understand why you'd be upset with the result but at least it wasn't a loss?" You question Sam as to why Jess is mad.

"I'm not sure what's going on she slammed the door walking into the changing rooms and wouldn't talk to any of us when we asked if she was okay" Sam tried to explain

"It's okay Sam I'll figure it out"

"Good luck" rubbing your arm one last time as she walked away to find her family.

-

Jessie was one of the last players to come out due to some of the press she had done after the game, you already knew she was seething. The tv in the family room had been playing some of the post match talks and you physically cringed when Jessie got asked why the midfield had been struggling.

The way her face screwed up you could tell it had hit a nerve and she was pissed off, as always though Jessie politely answered the question yet still stuck up for herself and the rest of the midfield.

When she came out you were the last guest waiting in the room, she caught your eye and stalked over to you.

"Let's go" she grabbed your arm pulling you to the exit.

You had booked a nearby hotel as it wasn't often you followed Jessie to matches around the country due to your work schedule. Instead of staying at the team hotel Jessie would be coming back to yours for the night.

On the way to the hotel Jessie was silent but the flush on her cheeks and her pursed lips told you that she was still seeing red.

You didn't dare ask her what was wrong, deep down you knew why. Jessie always picked apart her performances and you knew she'd be mad not coming away with the three points.

Unlocking your room with your keycard you walk in holding the door open for Jessie to come in behind you.

In a flash Jessie had you pressed up against the door as it closed behind you, she began kissing your neck eagerly not caring if she left a mark.

"Woah Jessie, slow down. What's going on?"

"I'm going to fuck you silly that's what's going on!" She huffed latching back on to your neck making quick work of her own jersey.

"Baby, I know you're upset and I'm happy to help but are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" You attempt to reason

"No talking. Just kissing. And fucking. And making you cum. For me." Jessie punctuates with small nips to your neck as she begins to remove your jeans and panties. Shimmying them down your legs so they fall around your ankles. You can't deny the throbbing in your core any longer.

"Okay then Jessie" you give yourself to her. Jessie tugs on your shirt or should you say her shirt, you were sporting her Canada Jersey from when she won Olympic gold, you had always worn her old jerseys when you went to her games.

You follow her as she walks back towards the bed.

As you get nearer she spins you around so that you're the one walking backwards. You feel the mattress hit the back of your knees and you sit, Jessie lifting the jersey above your head along with your bra leaving you naked.

"Up" she nods towards the head of the bed.

You shuffle backwards as she discards her shorts and underwear in a pile on the floor. Kneeling on the edge she crawls up towards you desperation and pure hunger sparkling in her eyes.

"You'll get exactly what I give you tonight, do you understand me?" Jessie asks you to which you reply with a nod.

Jessie grabs your face so that she makes eye contact with you. "I said do you fucking understand me" she practically spits.

"Yes Jess" you squeak out

"Good"

With that Jessie's head is back down on your neck. Normally she was gentle with her work but tonight was different, harsh bites and nips were left down the column of your neck. Before she snaked her tongue up from your collarbone to the shell of your ear whispering "you're going to be such a good girl for me, I know you are" giving your lobe a slight nip she sits up on her knees drinking you all in.

Removing herself from the bed she walks over to her suitcase.

You can't help but watch her as your eyes glue to her naked form. Jessie gets a few items from her bag which you can't make out until she turns walking back over to you.

It was then you noticed her holding a pair of handcuffs, some lube and the biggest strap you owned. You sucked in a breath before gasping for air realising you'd forgotten how to breathe.

Within seconds she was back on the bed taking your wrists and handcuffing you to the bedpost.

"What's the safe word?"

"Poutine"

"Say it at any point and we stop okay?" She said more serious, yes she wanted to take her frustrations out on you but she would always make sure your comfort came first.

"Okay"

Kissing her way down your chest she gently bites at your breasts dragging your nipple between her teeth before moving to the other one and doing the same.

She repeated this a few times your body wriggling within your restraints, unsure yourself if you were fighting against the pain or writhing into the pleasure.

Throwing your head to one side you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, seeing the marks down your neck and across your chest sent a rush or arousal to your aching pussy. Seeing how subbed out you were for Jessie you longed to be fucked by her, arching your hips towards her she got the hint.

She kissed down the length of your stomach all the way to your aching core, she knew how to tease you but today wasn't going to be one of those days. She knew you needed her and that she needed to be the one to ruin you.

Without warning her mouth attached to your clit looking down at her you saw her gazing back at you with dark eyes. Suckling on your bundle of nerves, pulling it between her teeth similarly to how she had treated your nipples.

Grazing her teeth along your sensitive nub as she flicked at you with her tongue. Your eyes rolling back as she drove you crazy.

The air sticking in your throat as Jessie's thick fingers plunged into you, stretching you open and curling inside you. Thrusting hard Jessie had you whimpering her name, unable to help it you beg for her.

"Please fuck me Jessie, please I need you so badly"

Jessie groaned into your sex as she lapped at you, her fingers stroking your walls bringing you closer to the edge. Your hands found her hair pulling at it, your thighs clamping around her face as her fingers were joined by her tongue delving deep inside you. Her spare thumb rubbing your clit as you saw stars, legs shaking around her head as you came in her mouth.

She wasted no time in pulling out and kissing you so you could taste yourself on her tongue.

Sitting back on her knees Jessie fastened her cock around her waist before disregarding the need for the lube due to how soaked you already were, using her hand already covered in your juices to stroke her cock.

Jessie uncuffed you before lining up with your opening, gently stroking the tip along your slit before she slid in with ease. Bottoming out within seconds you let out a low moan of her name as she ground into you.

Your legs locked around her waist as you clawed at her back.

Whispering in her ear "please baby, you know you fuck me better than anyone"

That's all she needed to hear before her hips were pulling back as she slammed back into you.

You could hardly gasp for air as she fucked the wind out of you, your nails idly running up and down her back as she thrust deeper inside you.

"You feel so fucking good taking me like this" she groans looking down at where her cock was slicing you open your lips stretched around her thick girth.

Your head falls back, her name slipping past your lips as she picks up her pace. Her hands around your throat holding you down as she fucks you harder.

You gasp for a breath when she finally releases you her body coming down flush with yours so you could feel the way her tits brushed against yours.

Feeling yourself getting closer all you could picture was how good of a mother Jessie would make and your brooding thoughts from the game had come back.

Her ear was so close to your mouth that she only just heard the gentle whisper fall from your mouth.

"Fill me with your babies Jessie"

Pulling back so she's held up on her hands, her muscles bulging. She looks down at you in shock, before you can even think if you've fucked things up she's pushing even deeper than before.

"You want my babies huh?" She asks with a smirk

"Oh I do so badly Jessie, I wish you could put your babies in me"

"I can"

Her hips slapping against yours the air filled with the filthy sounds of your sex being filled and the groans and moans falling from both your own and the future mother to your child's lips.

"I need you to cum in me Jessie, I want to feel you"

"I want to get you pregnant so bad y/n/n"

"Have my mini Flemings"

"Start a family with you"

You whimper her words driving you crazy your nails digging into her back.

"Just like that baby, I'm going to have your babies"

"We're going to be such a good family, please Jessie I need you deeper"

Her hips begin to stutter as your words bring her closer.

You scratch down her back again as you scream out "I'm cumming Jessie"

She pushes down on your stomach feeling how deep she is inside you her eyes rolling back. Knowing damn well if she was physically able to cum that deep in you it would surely be enough for you to carry mini versions of her.

She whimsies and cries out as she cums collapsing on top of you.

"Take it all baby, I want you to have my children" she whispers in your ear grinding her cock inside you.

"Take every last drop until your full of my babies"

Over stimulated and incredibly turned on by Jessie's attempt to impregnate you matched with the pressure of her hips grinding against you had your eyes squeezing shut.

Mouth hung open unable to make a noise as pleasure took over your entire form, you bit down on Jessie's shoulder as you squirt all over her cock.

Burying your head in her neck embarrassed she looks up at you with the biggest grin.

"Did you just squirt?"

You hide deeper in her neck

"Don't be shy that was so hot baby"

"I didn't think you talking like that would get me so bad"

You begin to kiss Jessie pulling back to ask her if she felt better.

Wrapping her arms around you pulling you tighter to her she confirms that you had brightened her mood.

So happy and content you both quickly fall asleep, Jessie's cock still buried deep inside you.

(There will be a part 4 coming which again can be read as a stand alone, I'm not sure I like this one because it's rushed but feedback is appreciated)

[reminiscingtonight]

cowgirl's got my heart?

Cowgirl's Got My Heart Blurb

A/N: featuring a chaotic Leah Williamson

“Babe, do you know where my charger is?”

Straining your ears, all you can make out is the quiet buzz of the television going off in the living room downstairs.

Sighing, you make the long trudge down to the first floor. The closer you get, the more you can make out what is playing on the TV.

“Stupid Arsenal girls obsessed with the Arsenal boys,” you mutter under your breath when you realize it’s an Arsenal Premier League game.

You love your girlfriend, you do, but her English bestie has somehow turned your cuddle buddy into an avid Premier League watcher. You’re all for 'supporting the boys,' but less so when it comes at the cost of losing your quality time with Lia.

Honestly, how much football could a footballer watch? The answer is not enough apparently.

With the living room in sight, you sigh out your question again. “Baby, do you know where--”

Feet screeching to a halt, you have to fight the urge to groan.

“You’re not my Lia.”

The blonde head of hair sitting on your couch turns at the sound of your voice. Leah gives you little wave, toothy grin on show as she snuggles deeper into your cushions.

“Williamson, where’s my girlfriend?”

“Dunno,” she shrugs, eyes quickly darting back towards the television when the crowd momentarily breaks out into a cheer, which quickly dissolves into annoyed groans as the ball goes out of play.

“Who even let you in here?” you moan, thumping your head against the wall in frustration.

“Got my own set of keys.”

Your head flies up at that, eyes instantly zeroing in on the Arsenal defender. There, in her hand is a small keyring filled to the brim with what you can only assume are the keys to mutliple of her teammates’ houses.

Your eyebrow twitches. “You... what?!”

Before you have a chance to cuss her out or try wrestling the keys out of Leah’s grasp, there’s a soft hand wrapping itself around your forearm.

Turning around you come face-to-face with a very amused Lia.

You all but wrap yourself around your girlfriend, journey for a working phone charger long forgotten. “Baby, make her go away,” you groan, pressing your face deeper against Lia’s neck.

Your girlfriend chuckles, hand coming up to rub soothingly against your back. “Sorry, no can do. We’re watching our counterparts play.”

“You’re watching them lose,” you correct, flinching when a seat cushion goes flying and hits you directly in the head.

You turn around to glare at Leah, who has an equally as annoyed look on her face. “They aren’t losing.”

“It’s 0 - 1, they’re losing.”

Leah huffs in frustration and this time you can’t stop the smug smirk from rising to your lips. Leah lives to annoy the living daylights out of you but you do the exact same to her.

Though your smirk is quick to fade at the harsh pinch you receive.

Yelping, you turn to see Lia giving you a pointed look.

“What? They’re losing!”

“It’s not over until it’s over,” Lia quips, pulling you to the couch with her.

You let out a disgruntled noise when you end up sandwiched between the two Arsenal players.

Leah instantly throws her feet into your lap, ignoring your look of disgust. “Foot rub please.”

“Did you grow up with cave people? I know Amanda raised you better than to throw your feet into laps uninvited.”

“I said please! And I’m stressed. Watching the boys can be stressful sometimes.”

“Turn it off then!”

The frantic “No!”s from both sides of you almost has you jumping... Until you realize their four eyes are glued firmly to the television again.

“Sorry.” At least Lia has the decency to look apologetic when she sees your unamused face.

Leah on the other hand seems to relax further against the coach, toes digging deeper against your thighs as she crosses her arms behind her head. “Gotta get with the program, (Y/N). Football’s not a hobby or a job. It’s a way of life.”

She says it with a little smirk, self-satisfied expression on her face as she turns her full attention back to the game on your television.

Your eyebrow twitches again.

Leah lets out a yelp when you actually tackle her this time, hands digging around her pocket for the keys.

“You can have your football life somewhere else that isn’t my couch!”

Send me a fic title

[llamagoddessofficial]

Hey, how would the siren guys react to a whale shark mc? Heheee, :0 (whale shark face) fella

HEEEE

Sans: Since whale sharks are filter feeders, she's technically a mermaid!

I imagine that a whale shark Mc is incredibly chill and relaxed. She's very big, very beautiful, and very friendly... adult whale sharks don't really have anything to fear, so she's easygoing and sweet-natured with pretty much everyone.

She thinks he's handsome, and very smart. Orca would only pose a realistic threat to her if they approached in a big group, but he's alone- she's not even slightly worried. She asks him about life as a predator, his adventures around the world, she dreams of seeing the poles but she's not built for staying in cold water. He entertains her with stories of the arctic.

... Sans isn't used to encountering mermaids who aren't terrified of him. He isn't used to encountering sirens who aren't terrified of him. She talks to him like he's a normal person, engages with him... it actually makes him less insane and murderous, as it's the first time he's been treated like a person since his pod died. He naturally becomes deeply attached to her... she's delighted he wants to keep her company and she welcomes his presence. They're 'best friends' that travel around together. It's good that she's a filter feeder, because though he'd absolutely kill for her, he has no need to.

Red: Red loves a big beautiful lady. This is one of the fundamental laws of the universe. The bigger the better- and she's literally the biggest shark out there. What's not to love? He's head over heels. His only regret is that they can't seriously play fight, because she could probably snap him in half. That's hot- but it would be inappropriate in public.

She loves his attention. Sure, Sans is handsome, but... well, Red is literally the ideal by shark standards. Being a filter feeder doesn't make her resistant to his scars, his teeth, his charms. She giggles when he calls her majestic, she flushes when he says he'd like to sightsee coral reefs with her. But she doesn't really take his flirting seriously. She thinks he'd want a girlfriend who's more aggressive, an apex like him- someone with more 'bite'. She's seen how feisty female tiger sharks are. She's not like that.

Sans is absolutely seething that this asshole is trying to steal his girlfriend. They're regularly at each other's throats when her back is turned. It's very easy for her to break up their fights, though, since she physically overpowers them both.

Skull: Pretty similar to Sans, in respect to Mc being sweet and friendly has the dual effect of calming him down but also driving him kinda wild for her. Whale sharks do occasionally make dives to deeper water, so it makes sense their paths would cross.

He's enraptured. She's like a big, friendly angel, her pattern is literally rays of sun. He wants to be near to someone who isn't afraid of him. He's a little heartbroken he can't bring her food gifts, since they don't eat the same way, but pebbles still work. And he's deeply impressed by how much plankton/krill she can eat in one go.

Though the difference between them isn't as intense as it is with leaf sheep Mc, she's still a very pelagic creature, and he's a very NOT pelagic creature. She's fascinated by his completely alien, deep-sea biology. Lots of her being delighted by his light shows.

[hellodropbear]

like she used to (III)

alexia putellas x sister

chapter I, II

edited this in 25 minutes and now I am going to bed... but alexia debut in here today :)

~~~~~~

I sat in the back of the car as Ingrid drove Mapi and me to Johan the next morning. The car was silent, my eyes focussed out the window, hyperaware of the glances that both defenders threw back at me every so often.

Mapi is worried about me. That much I can tell, but I don't know why Ingrid, who I've barely spoken to, seems to think the world is coming to an end. She was in the room this morning when Mapi told me that Mami had called to say that she would see me there. I don't think the tension in the room was hard for the Norwegian to identify. Or it could have been Mapi's wide eyes staring at me that made her think something was wrong. 

Alba is also coming to watch this game even though I told her I wouldn't be playing.

"you are part of the first team for the first time ever, hermanita! It is exciting just to watch you warm up."

I had rolled my eyes as she pulled me into a hug that day, but I appreciated it either way.

Ingrid led me to the changing rooms as Mapi made her way into the stands with some of the other injured players. My locker is beside Aitana's and she beams up at me when she spots me. I thank Ingrid quickly and make my over to Aitana and into her open arms.

"You ready?"

I nod, a smile on my face. For the first time in a long time, I do not think about my sister or what she would say, what her opinion would be. It is hard to grasp the idea that my dreams are maybe becoming a reality. 

E. Putellas 29

It is a dream that I have had for a long time, to have my name on a blaugrana shirt, to be in this very position. It is something I have wanted since I could kick a ball, since I watched my sister do the same thing all those years ago.

They had asked me what name I wanted on the back of my jersey. Because Alexia just had her first name, I could take the last name without the E but Mami said to keep the E. I think she wanted me to just use my first name as well but that is for Alexia. I am only new to this, I thought.

I will not play today, Jonatan told me, but he said he wants me to be a sub in a game with lower pressure after I've spent a few games on the bench and trained with the team for more than a week.

Despite this, Mami and Alba are sat in the audience, between a bunch of relatives and family friends.

A red flush creeps onto my cheeks as I hear them all cheering when I run out of the tunnel to start the warm up. Aitana's arm is around my shoulders and she gives me an extra tight squeeze before winking at me and releasing me from her hold.

I know I will be sitting on the bench for the whole game but just warming up with the team is exciting. The cheering from the audience during the warm up is ten times louder than any crowd I've played in front of, even in the most stressful part of a match.

I try to shrug off the goosebumps that creep over my arms as I take in my surroundings. It is surreal and I think I am in a state of disbelief when Patri approaches me.

"You ok, pequena?"

"I'm good." I look at her as she places a hand on my shoulder. "This is just big."

"I get it. You are very young. You should be very proud of yourself, Elena. You a right, this is a big thing. A huge thing. We are all very proud, remember that."

She squeezes my shoulder before letting go.

"Now get to warming up, stop drifting off with the fairies!"

~~~~~~

It only took Barcelona 5 minutes to establish their dominance through an early Salma goal and by half time they were already up by 4 to 0.

The second half started and by the end of the match we were up by 8 with a decent scoreline of 9-1. Patri pulled me off the bench to go on the rounds to all the opposition and the fans. I have seen this happen so many times that it still feels surreal to be experiencing it.

"Where is your sister?"

Patri's whisper is meant to be harmless but her words are like ice water down my back and my stomach flips inside out. She continues when I shrug my shoulders.

"I saw her earlier with Olga, she's probably sat with the other injured girls."

At the mention of the girlfriend I have not met, I resist the urge to throw up, saying goodbye to Patri and heading over to where my family was in the stands.

My whole family tells me how proud they are and I think Mami takes about a thousand pictures of me and Alba and gets Alba to take some of me and her as well. I am grateful that she ignores Alexia's absence but that does not mean any of us are happy about it.

Mami is frustrated, angry maybe and that is evident in the way she scans the stadium every few minutes and shakes her head or releases disappointed sighs every once in a while.

Alba is sad and it is obvious because she makes no effort to hide the tears that brim in her eyes behind her smile. She tells me it is proud but I know when she looks longingly over to where Alexia should be standing beside me that she is just as upset as I am.

I am offended but I do my best to hide my emotions. I try to be as happy as I can because I am somewhat exhilarated from the experience despite sitting on the bench for the full 90 minutes.

Keira and Ona were being rested for the whole match and it turns out that Keira is hilarious and Ona can provide the best commentary on any match. They are a good pairing and I enjoyed making fun of Keira as she struggled to keep up with our (very slow) Spanish.

I am definitely looking forward to playing at some point. The thought makes me so incredibly nervous but I don't think there will be a better feeling than finally stepping out onto that field with my name on my back and representing my childhood club.

Mami holds me in her arms after she's satisfied with the pictures and I feel a tear drop onto my head.

"I am so proud of you, nina, you have made me proud from the day you were born and you will continue forever. This is just the start of everything. Papi is looking down on us right now with pride too, he's telling all his friends that you are his baby bear and that he taught you everything you know."

I sniffle in her arms.

"Thank you for everything you have done for me Mami, I would be nothing if not for you."

"Oh, hija, I love you."

"I love you too."

Alba throws herself into the hug and proclaims it is now a group hug. Mami chuckles and extends one of her arms around her.

"Mi hermanita is all grown up!" Alba cheers quietly so only me and Mami can hear. "15 years old and in the first team, a record?"

"Only a record when I leave the bench, Alba." I whack the back of her head with my hand and she recoils from the hug in mock annoyance.

"I should go, Mami, I'll meet you out the front?"

She nods and I kiss her cheek before wandering back to the changing rooms.

I am surprised when they are empty but the sound of the showers tells me that I will not be alone for long.

It is supposed to be a happy feeling, but I can not help but feel alone in this room, full of the belongings of people who are older than me, more experienced, skilled. People who know my sister better than I do.

People who will always look up to La Reina. Who will always hang off her every word.

I wish that was me still because if it was, I would not be alone in this locker room right now, I would be celebrating with my sister.

But she is nowhere to be found.

She didn't even say hello to me, she didn't say congratulations, she didn't even acknowledge my existence. It hurts me more than I care to admit, but maybe that is what she meant when she said I was weak.

I wipe the tears out of my eyes before they spill and it is good timing because a whole group of girls walk into the locker room at the same time that Ingrid and Frido return from their showers.

"Our pequena!" Marta cheers when she sees me in my cubby and paces over to pick me up. "You are one of us now, welcome to Barca!"

Everyone cheers and a big smile takes over my face as I am thrown amongst the group of people, being hugged and patted on the back, loud yells in Spanish bouncing round the room.

Aitana holds me for longer than everyone else and whispers her congratulations in my ear.

"You need a lift home today?"

I shake my head and smile.

"Mami and Alba are taking me out to dinner."

Aitana nods and begins talking about how exciting it is that I have finally been introduced to the first team and how I have grown up and I zone out and scan the room.

The loud chatter is a far cry from the near silence that engulfed the room five minutes ago.

I spot Mapi in the corner of the room speaking animatedly to Ingrid.

Frido is also there, laughing with Caro and Marta

Jana is beside Bruna, a giddy smile on her face as they chat to Esmee.

That can only mean one thing, Alexia is somewhere in here but I do not want to speak to her. I do not want to see her and I do not want her to see me. I excuse myself from Aitana to quickly grab my change of clothes and I go over to the showers, spending the longest possible time rinsing myself and washing my hair and an even longer time drying myself and getting changed.

I spend a humiliating amount of time in the stall but I do not hear anyone else come into the bathroom so I don't really think anyone had noticed.

If I had known what was been waiting for me when I opened the door of my stall I probably wouldn't have opened it.

Because the bleached blonde hair was the first thing I clocked, but her confidence oozed out of her as she leant against the wall, her arms crossed, her head resting against the blue paint like she was bored.

I don't say anything when I see her, trying my luck by just walking straight past her but her hand reaches out and stops me from leaving.

"No, Elena, don't run away from me."

"What do you want from me, Alexia?"

She let out an exhale and her features softened slightly. I look down at her feet, willing myself to not make eye contact.

"Why did I find out you had joined my team through a post on Instagram?"

I roll my eyes and shrug my shoulders, making an unintelligible sound that tells her that I do not know and I do not care. I try to leave again but she just stops me again.

"Why do I not know anything about you anymore? Why did Mapi find you in the middle of the park near her house last night when you should have been in bed like Mami thought?"

At least Mapi didn't say anything. I was worried, she is terrible at keeping secrets.

I just scoff because I don't know how else to react to the irony.

"Where is your girlfriend?"

She sighs.

"Olga is in the changing room with the others. You can meet her if you would like."

"I do not want to meet her."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I just wanted to confirm it wasn't just another one of Alba's rumours. You never told me."

I am proud that my voice doesn't falter, that it doesn't break. It is calm, level, despite the emotions that are raging inside of me.

"And whose fault is that?"

I roll my eyes but I avoid saying anything. She hesitated before continuing.

"We were best friends Elena, what even happened? Why did you stop talking to me, why did you start skipping our thursday night dinners?"

I scoff as she tries to make eye contact.

"I am not having this conversation now, Alexia. This is supposed to be a happy day but you are ruining it. You don't remember, that is the problem."

"I should be part of this day with you. I am your captain now."

I hold back a laugh.

"yes, captain, anything you say captain." I salute her weakly and turn around to leave, pushing past her outstretched arm.

Mapi looks at me cautiously as I walk back into the changing rooms but she is chatting with Olga and I do not want to have any interaction with her. I wave goodbye to her and Ingrid and say goodbye to a few of the others.

"What did she say?" Aitana had walked out with me and had apparently seen Alexia enter the showers earlier as well.

"That she is my captain now." I don't think I will ever forget her coldness.

"She is also your sister, Lena, she must be proud?"

If she is she has not shown it.

"She is my captain before she is my sister." My voice is monotone and I stare straight ahead of me. "Football always comes before family. It always has for Alexia."

Aitana shakes her head.

"It should not, it is not healthy."

I can't help but agree with the midfielder beside me.

~~~~~~

Dinner with Mami and Alba is nice, although I shouldn't have expected the topic of my oldest sister to be completely neglected the whole evening. Thankfully, she waits until we are all in the car driving home to bring it up.

"Your sister should have been there today, Elena." She makes eye contact with me through the rear view mirror and I look away.

"There are many things she should have done but didn't." I mumble quietly so Mami can't hear me, but Alba does and she looks back at me weirdly.

"Alexia said she was going to talk to you, she told us how proud she was and I said that you would want to hear her say it to you."

"She's... proud of me?" My voice is soft and I can see my mother's eyebrows furrow in the mirror.

"Of course she is, you are her baby sister and you have just joined her team. She was upset that you didn't tell her and I don't think she really understood why but, Lena, she was practically crying. She is a very proud big sister. I told her to come with us tonight and she seemed keen, said she would meet you in the changerooms and come out with you."

"Why does she tell you all this but when she talks to me she is so cold?" My voice is barely a whisper yet both Mami and Alba hear me loud and clear.

"She went to meet you in the dressing room, she was excited for you to meet Olga and Olga was excited as well. What did she say to you?" Mami frowns, her eyes flickering over to Alba who also had creases in her forehead.

I shrug.

"She asked me why I didn't tell her that I had joined, why she doesn't know anything about my life anymore. She said she was my captain, she should be part of my life. I think she meant my football life, not my actual one."

"What makes you say that?" Alba is the one who speaks because Mami looks devastated.

I look around dramatically. "If she wanted to be part of my actual life she would be here right now, no?"

Alba runs her hands over her face in frustration but I don't think she is frustrated at me. Just the situation. I think it has upset Alba more than anyone else and I feel guilty.

"Sorry." 

"No, hermanita, this is not your fault, I just don't understand what is going through Alexia's head."

"It's ok, Alba, Mami. I don't mind. Really, I don't."

Mami just shakes her head. She is not happy and she clearly does mind.

"No, you and your sister need to sort this out, pequena, I simply cannot stand it any more. You will be home for dinner this Thursday and you will talk about it."

"But I have train-" I am interrupted.

"No you do not, you are not playing with the B team at the moment, don't be ridiculous. You will be there and we will discuss it then. We also need to discuss what we are going to do about your school."

I groan, although the change in topic is appreciated.

"Mami! I don't want to have to go back to school because I'd rather do this." She sighs and I roll my eyes.

"La Masia has made an arrangement that will allow you to continue your classes there but your days will be rearranged. You will go to training with the first team until 2, then you will go over to La Masia and do your school classes with your peers there. They will get you a tutor to study with you in the evenings when training usually is to make up for the school you missed in the morning."

Unfortunately, Mami has always been adamant that we get a good education despite mine and Alexia's obsessions with football.

I was quick to get out of the car when we arrived home, having dropped Alba off at her apartment on the way back. I went up to my room quickly, changing into my pajamas and heading to bed quite quickly.

Mami called out to tell me that she was going to see Alexia before bed, so I sat on my phone for a while, the doors locked and my lights switched off.

But my phone was plugged in and my eyes were closed when a soft fist hit my door twice. Thinking it was just mami, I called for her to enter.

But when I registered that bleach blonde hair for the second time that day, all I felt was regret.

"I am tired, Alexia. Please, just let me sleep."

"Elena, please." I hadn't noticed the tears that dripped down her face, the slump in her usual perfect posture. Her voice cracked when she said my name. "I miss you."

"Alexia. It has been a long day, I am tired, I want to sleep. Please, Alexia. Let me sleep." I am acting immature but I am tired, and I don't want to have this conversation now.

She let out a soft exhale, stepping towards me and placing a kiss on the side of my head that is exposed to the air.

I try to ignore the warm shivers it sends down my spine, it has been so long since she did that; since she did something she used to do every night.

She walks slowly back to the door, stopping as she reaches it and resting her hand on the door handle.

"Mami says you don't think I am proud of you. It is not true. I am so proud of you and I love you, pequena. But I don't think you need me anymore, I think you're fine without me. I am sorry, Elena. I am sorry for not being there for you when I should have been, but I will take a step back. I am so proud of you."

She pushed down the door handle and was gone just as quickly as she came and I resisted the urge to call out and tell her she had got it all wrong. I want her to take a step forward, she has already taken a step back. She has already taken 50 steps back.

I need her. More than anything.

But I can't rely on her. I can not be weak in front of her.

I am a Putellas. I can not be weak.

She has to be right. I am fine without her.

~~~~~~

She is still home when I walk downstairs in the morning, her eyes puffy and hair a mess as she sits on the kitchen table with a coffee. My sigh alerts her to my presence but I turn my back on her as soon as I enter the kitchen.

"Elena, please." I don't know how I changed my sister from a leader to a beggar, but today is not the day to ask when that happened.

I pour myself a bowl of cereal silently and head straight back upstairs, locking my bedroom door and eating my breakfast before sitting down on the piano stall, my fingers immediately jumping onto the keys, improvising and experimenting with new notes, chords and rhythms.

I don't know what Mami said to Alexia when she visited last night, but to be quite honest I don't want to know. I just need to keep being ok without my older sister, no matter how much I miss her. She said I should be fine without her, so I will be.

For some reason, I neglect to consider the other words she said.

"I miss you."

"I am so proud of you."

"I love you."

I think I ignore those statements because I can't seem to grasp their validity. If she missed me, she would have seen me; she would have come to my games. If she was proud of me I would already know, she would have told me like Mami had, like Alba had. Like everyone else who is proud of me has.

If she loved me... If she loved me she would be my older sister again.

I miss her, I am proud of her and I love her. It is true and I have never once doubted those emotions.

But it feels like she is just saying what she wants me to hear. What Mami said that she should say to me. I don't think she actually means it.

How could someone who loves me tell me that I am weak?

How could someone who is proud of me tell me that she doesn't want me to achieve my dreams, that she never wants to share a shirt because I am haven't had to work for it?

I don't understand how it could be true, both things at the same time.

I curse at the tear that spills out of my eye, rubbing it away aggressively and shaking my head at myself. No. I can not be weak. Not today, not ever.

My sisters words from today, from yesterday, from three years ago spin in my mind and my fingers become more and more aggressive on the keys of my piano, my song increasing in intensity; reflecting my emotions in the only way I know how. The keys are my home, the notes are my head and the song is my heart. 

Though sometimes the song sounds broken, like right now when there is so much going on. So many chords, rhythms. Increasing speed, increasing volume. My fingers moving at a million miles an hour, barely hitting one key before moving to the next. 

There is so much going on that it is overwhelming, so much going on that it could just explode. Into a million pieces. So many pieces that it would be futile to even try and put them back together.

It does that sometimes, and I have to fall back down to the softness and calmness of the easy rhythms, easily sailing away from the broken song like it never even existed. 

But it always existed, and it's remains will always be there at the bottom of the sea, haunting me, threatening to re-emerge. 

I realise I have been grieving my sister like she has died. I grieve the death of our relationship and how it has changed so quickly and so aggressively. I miss her more than anything, but the thought of what it used to be is overwhelming, it fills me with dread, with complete sadness. 

Those notes that exploded so long ago, still lying dormant somewhere, never gone, never forgotten. There are so many of them, I just wish she would help me pick them up.

My song has already exploded, so I resort to playing soft chords, tears now spilling from my eyes in a continuous stream. There are too many to wipe away and I know that my eyes will be red and my cheeks puffy when I eventually do. I have lost my sister in a way that is almost impossible to comprehend.

Because Alexia isn't dead, and somehow that makes her distance so much harder to understand, so much more hurtful.

She isn't dead, she has just decided she does not want to be a part of my life any more.

The song comes to a conclusion, and my fingers rest on the keys, my eyes staring ahead at the empty stand in front of me, trying their very best to not slip upwards towards the picture that I know hangs directly above it.

The picture of me and my family the day I was born, held in Alexia's arms as Alba tried her best to share me, both of them sitting beside Mami in bed as Papi watched on with a proud smile.

I would go back to that day in an instant if I was given the opportunity.

~~~~~~

I don't go back downstairs until I hear the front door close and Alexia's car drive away. I give it a few minutes before I actually leave the safe haven that my bedroom has become, ignoring Mami's watchful eyes as I slump onto the sofa, using the remote to switch on the tv.

I only watch it for five minutes before my mother switches it off, standing by the door and looking directly at me.

"She is confused, Elena. She doesn't know why this has all happened but she is angry with herself for not being there for you more."

I roll my eyes. Of course she doesn't remember.

"Maybe she should use her brain. Maybe she should just think."

Mami shakes her head at me, it could be in frustration, maybe disappointment. I still do not look at her.

"Maybe you could just talk to her! She doesn't know how to love you when you won't let her. She wanted you to meet Olga yesterday, but you left. She wanted to speak to you last night or this morning but you ignored her."

"But Mami, it is not my fault! It should not be up to me to fix what she has broken."

"She is trying, Elena, and at the moment that is what matters. This just can not go on, you are in the same family, the same football team! Mapi spoke to me yesterday, you know. She was practically crying, Elena, it's effecting even her."

"I never should have opened my mouth to her. Now she has involved herself in something that is not her business." My voice is poisonous and my words aggressive. I know Mapi would be heartbroken if she could hear this, she always has tried so hard to do what is best. Especially when it was about me.

I love Mapi, I always have. She never thought I did because I never gravitated towards her at training when I was little, but that was just because I thought she was another sister - she was like Alexia, always around.

When I was 11, maybe, I didn't realise how upset she got about me 'not liking her', and I had made a joke about never hanging around with Mapi. It was when she left the room that Alexia pulled me to the side harshly.

"Even if you don't like her, Elena, you have to pretend! She is my best friend and she loves you so much."

I remember looking at her with my mouth agape - I love Mapi, I always did. I was confused, it was a meaningless joke - a version of a joke I made all the time to Alexia.

Alexia didn't need to tell me to go talk to her, but I didn't know what to say when I walked out the door and found her sitting down with her back to the wall, tears pouring down her face. I explained everything and she apologised for being dramatic.

Since then, we have gotten along well and I have tried to spend time with her when I can.

It has been harder in the last couple years when I have fallen out with Alexia. They are best friends, I don't want to get in the way of that.

Mami's anger brings me right back to reality.

"That is enough, Elena! Maria only wants to help, but she can't, nobody can do anything except you and Alexia."

I resist rolling my eyes, instead releasing a huff of air.

"I'll think about it." 

My arms are folded and I turn back towards the blank screen, ignoring the way Mami sighs and walks away. 

It is only when I hear her door close that I let my angry facade crumble, my body shaking as I resist the tears. 

I need to stop crying. 

Alexia thinks I am strong enough to do everything by myself.

I need to prove to her that I can. 

Maybe then she will tell me she is proud of me. 

~~~~~~

this is pretty much all the prewritten stuff i have, will write more soon once my exams are done

let me know if there's anything you want to see in the next parts

part IV

[alexiaput3llas]

Game of Love/ Alexia Putellas x Reader

Warnings: Nothing but fluff. Maybe one swear word

Author: So this is my first time writing, because I always wanted to try it and I have to say I´m a vey slow writer but it is a lot of fun. Also english is not my first language anyways enjoy (-;

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You barely get nervous, but here you are. You're about to head out to the pitch. It is the Champions League final 2024, and Barcelona is facing none other than the mighty Lyon. But this Barcelona is different from the ones that lost to Lyon before. This Barcelona is determined to win.

You get pulled out of your thoughts by a familiar hand on your shoulder. You recognize that touch among billions, and her scent will forever be your favorite. Alexia and you have been dating for four years.

You signed to Barcelona 6 Years ago and Alexia and you immediately clicked. You became friends with her on instant and after some time you started to devolve a small huge crush on her. What you didn’t realize that she felt the same, but after a night out with the team to celebrate your Copa de la Reina victory, where everyone, including Alexia, drank a bit too much, things between you and her got really heated and after some shameless flirting on both sides, grinding on each other on the dance floor and some more drinks, you found yourself the next morning in an unfamiliar hotel room with brown hair sprawled everywhere. You couldn´t help but admire her and hoped that also for her this was not only a one night stand. So after she woke up, you both got to talk and finally admitted your feelings for each other.

And here you are now, facing your lover, who only for you breaks her serious game face, which, in your opinion, is one of the most attractive things in the world, into an encouraging smile. "Are you ready, mi amor?" Alexia, of course, notices your nervous state. "You don't have to be nervous, okay? We are a different team now, and you have the season of your life." It is true; you have the season of your life and have already won the league. "Thanks, baby, I really needed that." She nods, gives you a quick kiss on the forehead, on your nose, your right cheek, your left cheek, and finally, your lips.

You can't help the butterflies that erupt in your stomach, and you smile into the kiss. "Break it up, lovebirds, will ya!" Mapi chuckles behind you. You break away from Alexia's soft lips, giggle, and hug your girlfriend. "I love you," you mumble in her neck. "And I love you more." She steps out of your embrace and kisses the top of your head. Just about when you wanted to protest that you love her more, she shuts you up with one final kiss to your lips and eventually takes her spot to lead out the team.

The game couldn't start any worse. In the third minute of the game, Ada Hegerberg scored a beauty, leaving Cata Coll no chance. In the 20th minute, it was 2:0 Lyon, thanks to Van de Donk. Only 5 minutes afterward, Ada Hegerberg scored her second goal of the evening, and it was 3:0. You immediately got flashbacks to Turin 2 years ago, but you had to shake these thoughts out of your head. Lyon presses high, and Barcelona was lucky not to concede any more goals. The ref blew the halftime whistle, and both teams headed to the changing rooms.

Everyone's heads hang low. I sit at my cubby talking with Aitana about strategies when I feel a presence next to me. It was Alexia, who immediately joined our conversation to outline the game. She placed one hand on my thigh and gave it a few encouraging squeezes. Jonathan came in: “Chicas, nothing is lost yet. We all know what we're capable of, and if anyone can turn the game around, it's Barca. Vamos!”. "VAMOS!" Everyone in the changing room knew that this game was not over, and with new hope and confidence, we headed out to the pitch to start the second half.

And with confidence, we played. We started the second half way better, and after only ten minutes, after an amazing pass from Alexia, Aitana could find the back of the net. And that was all we needed.

A corner kick, Mariona made it 3:2.

Alexia passed the ball to you, and you began to run down the field, suddenly having a lot of open space. Just as you were about to shoot, you felt some cleats colliding with your ankle, making you stumble to the ground in pain. Your ankle throbbed, and not long after, the medics arrived.

At the same time, Alexia shoved Ada, who made the tackle. "You could've hurt her. That has to be a fucking card!" Ada shoved Alexia back and growled, "I didn't fucking touch her. She fell to the ground because of nothing." Just as Alexia was about to respond, with what would have definitely been a hard push, Mapi grabbed her. "Ale, calm down. Let her go! Y/N needs you more. She isn't worth it." With one last angry glare at Ada, Alexia made its way to you. "Mi amor, are you okay?" "Peachy," you responded. "Is it bad?" Alexia mumbled to the physios. "No, it's alright. She's alright to continue to play."

The tackle was rewarded with a free kick, which Alexia easily slotted into the top left corner. You ran to her, and all gathered in a big hug. "Freaking yes, Baby. What a goal!" You gave her a secret kiss on her neck.

With now only 5 more minutes left on the clock, everything hurt. But you couldn't just give up. You sprinted to recover a ball and sent it to Patri, who dribbled around one Lyon Player and passed it back to you. And you did what you can do best. Shoot. You just took the shot. And…

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!" Everyone was screaming from the top of their lungs. Your shot probably won Barca the Champions League. With only a few minutes left, Barcelona did everything they could to defend their lead, and that was what you did. Throwing in every ball, running even though it hurt.

The whistle blew. Barcelona had done it. You are the champions of Europe once again. You sank to your knees, overwhelmed with emotions. You soon locked eyes with those sparkling hazel eyes, and a beaming smile made its way across your face, as does it with Alexia. You made your way over to her and pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm so proud of, Ale," you mumbled into her neck. "And I'm so unbelievably proud of you, mi amor. That goal was a beauty." You chuckled. "It still feels surreal. I mean, we won it now for the third time, but I never get tired of it." You looked up at her, and the desire to just kiss her grew inside of you. The way her eyes sparkled, her teeth-showing smile, and a look of adoration towards you only intensifies it.

Without hesitation, you fulfill your desire and press your lips against Alexia's. The taste of victory is sweeter than any championship, and in that moment, the world disappears around you. The cheers from the stadium, the flashing cameras, and the ecstatic teammates fade into the background, leaving only you and Alexia, lost in the celebration of your shared triumph.

Breaking the kiss, you rest your forehead against hers, breathing in sync as the magnitude of the moment sinks in. The elation, the relief, and the sheer joy are palpable, and you can't help but grin. "We did it," you whisper, more to yourself than to Alexia, as if saying it out loud would make the reality even more concrete.

"We did," she replies, her voice filled with a mix of happiness and disbelief. "I knew you'd make a difference, but that last goal..." She trails off, shaking her head in amazement.

The team gathers around, enveloping both of you in a collective embrace. Laughter, cheers, and the occasional tear of happiness mingle as you bask in the glory of the victory. Champagne bottles pop open, and the sparkling liquid showers everyone, marking the end of a long and challenging journey.

Amidst the jubilation, you steal a moment alone with Alexia. Hand in hand, you slip away from the chaos and find a quiet corner of the stadium. The echo of cheers becomes a distant hum as you lean against a railing, gazing out at the pitch where the triumph unfolded. She pushed you gently against the wall and kissed you softly, with so much love. After a few minutes, you broke apart and rested your foreheads together.

"It's incredible, isn't it?" Alexia murmurs, her eyes reflecting the shimmering lights of the stadium. "All those years of hard work, the setbacks, the victories, and now... this." She gestures to the field below, still alive with the energy of the recently concluded match.

You nod, a profound sense of accomplishment settling in your chest. "And to think it all started with that Copa de la Reina celebration."

Alexia chuckles, her hand finding yours. "A night we'll never forget."

And with that, you join your teammates again for the celebrations.

You knew that whatever will happen on the pitch, you would always have a safe place off the pitch.

Alexia

[darthannie]

day twenty-one: virginity kink with neil lewis

pairing: Neil Lewis x f!reader word count: 933 warnings: inexperienced reader, kinda dom!Neil, use of “baby”, breeding kink, mention of pregnancy, they’re best friends baby! a/n: I’m trying to play catch up, but kinktober will go into November! Anyways, I love Neil so much. kinktober masterlist

Neil was your best friend in the whole entire world. You’d gotten close over the years, making you inseparable. When he first opened his video store you were the one who helped him. You’d been through so much together, it was only natural you were close.

He made you smile more than you’d like to admit and your crush on him grew as the years went on. Sometimes when you hung out the conversation turned to one about relationships, more specifically how you haven’t been in one in years.

He was always urging you to put yourself out there. Find someone and take the lead, ask them out on a date, see what happens. This was the first time you divulged a tidbit of information about your sex life.

“What do you mean you’ve never had sex?” Neil’s reaction was almost cartoonish, dropping his jaw in disbelief.

“It’s exactly what I mean. I mean I’ve never had sex.”

“That’s not true. It can’t be. You’re-“

“I’m what?”, you questioned.

“You’re too pretty to have never been fucked before,” he said matter a factly as if this information was common knowledge between the two of you.

He called me pretty, you thought. He’d never mentioned you and pretty in the same sentence. You wondered if he had meant what he said. You realized you had been silent for longer than you should have been, and all you could say was “Oh.”

“You really have never…”

“I already said no, Neil. I haven’t.” You were starting to feel a little ashamed. You couldn’t read his reaction until his voice got a little lower. “I’m kinda into that.”

“You are?” You didn’t even know that was possible. “Yeah I mean,” he got closer to you as he spoke, “if you’d let me I’d love to take your virginity.” You blinked, thinking each time you opened your eyes Neil would be gone and this would all be a dream.

But, it was very real and Neil was waiting for your response. He grabbed your face and pulled you in for a light kiss to bring you out of your stupor. Once you realized what was happening, you kissed him back and grabbed his forearm. His hand found his way to yours and he grabbed it to lead you to the bedroom. “Come on. I have to teach you a couple things.”

You got on the bed and Neil started to strip, you did the same until you were both naked. He laid back on the bed and, feeling bold, you straddled him. “Wow, baby, getting ambitious.” He flipped you over so that he was on top, “Not today though.” He kissed you hungrily, “Pretty little virgin like you has to be ruined first. Isn’t that right?” He tilted his head, smirking at you. You nodded and looked down at his already hard cock. You reached down to wrap your hand around him and he stifled a moan. He hardened further in your hand, dripping precum. “God, such a pretty girl. I can’t wait to take your virginity. Who knew my biggest fantasy was right in front of me this whole time.” His enthusiasm made you wet. “Neil, please fuck me.”

He smirked, “Oh and she begs too.” He lined himself up and pushed his tip inside you. You felt a brief sting that dissolved into pleasure. “Neil, more,” you moaned. He thrust into you, savoring the moment. He took pride in the fact that he was the one to take something from you. He was the first man to be inside you. He was the first one to make you feel this way.

Once he started moving, your moans turned into cries. “I didn’t think you’d be so loud.” You were because he started out with a pace that would rival a car going 0 to 60 in 3 seconds. He meant it when he said he was going to ruin you. You grabbed at his shoulders and pulled him down, wanting him to be as close to you as possible. You could only imagine the image of him on top of you, kissing your neck, licking and sucking in all the right places.

He whispered in your ear, “Ready to cum on my cock for the first time?’

“Yes, Neil!”, you pleaded, “I need it, please.”

He smirked, “Beg again. I need to hear you beg, baby.” You were too far gone to protest.

“Neil please make me cum. Please I need it so bad. Cum inside me.”

He was almost patronizing. “Who knew you’d be so dirty your first time? What, are you trying to get pregnant on the first try? You want me to make you mine?” His words made you moan, your face got hot. It was not something you had previously explored, but it felt right with Neil. You wanted to fill him coat the inside of you with his cum, mark you as his. “Yes!” You yelped when your orgasm happened. This was the first time you’d ever felt this amount of pleasure. You rarely touched yourself, and when you did it was never for longer than a minute. Neil’s orgasm closely followed after feeling you squeeze around him involuntarily. He filled you with his cum, unafraid of the consequences.

He pulled out of you, “Come here,” he gestured. You laid on top of him and he wrapped his arms around you. “Do you really want me to be yours?”, you asked tentatively

“More than anything.” You felt him start to harden again and you smirked, “Ready for round two already?”

Taglist:

@devotedlyshadowytheorist, @dxnger-dxys, @tommyshelbywhore, @quinnlilias,@madnessandobsession, @mvpr-moon, @nela-cutie, @faebirdie, @charmed-asylum, @anasanthology, @ilikefictionalmen, @akanne-aka, @no-fooking-fighting,@queenofstresss, @flwrs4aust, @mrkdvidal1989, @00hsv, @laylasbunbunny

(If something is up with your tag or you would like to be added, let me know!)

[rhadamanthes]

Medecine. Satoru x reader

word count : 7k :0

warnings : mention of overdose, drug use, SLOWBURN, scent kink, doggy style, dubcon (just to be safe), oral sex (f!receiving), ANGST, fluff, public sex, cowgirl position, happy ending.

Satoru Gojo overdosed on the 31st december. This shaked the friend group like never before, it also was the worst way to start the year. He was discharged from the hospital a week after his admission, a wish from his parents, not wanting the word to spread around that their prestigious family has a junkie son. 

A few weeks have passed ever since, everybody is here for him, trying to lift him up and get his mind on something else. Of course it's hard, none of you are professionals and he hasn't got the treatment he needed. The best you can do is be here for him. Personally, you have never been really close to Satoru, in the friend group you're closer to Megumi, Nobara, Yuuji, and Sukuna. His loudness and obnoxiousness throw you off a bit, but now you feel guilty, was it the drug or his personality ?

Smoothing the part of your hair you knock on the door, you're on babysitter duty tonight, you're nervous it's the first time it's only going to be you and him usually there's other people around. Today nobody else was available. The group went partying and thought it was a really bad idea to bring him in this type of environment given the fact the last time he went, he almost died. Yuuji asked you if you could watch over him as he knows you're not a huge party animal.

The door opens and Satoru welcomes you in with a sly smirk. Taking off your shoes you follow him to the living room.

"So what's the programm tonight you're going to lullaby me to sleep?" he asks, chewing loudly on a piece of gum.

"Actually, no. Suguru told me to make myself at home so... Have you eaten yet?" you ask, taking the tupperware out of your bag.

"Hmm no, i'm not really hungry and this looks disgusting" he says pointing at your food.

You roll your eyes making your way to the kitchen Satoru on your tail. Placing the food in two plates you launch them in the microwave. You cross your arm on your chest looking at him. He just stares at you with a curious glint in his eyes; Not a word is exchanged but the silence is comfortable. The bell of the microwave snaps you back to reality and you give him a plate, going back to the living room.

Both of you sat on the floor to eat on the coffee table, the TV playing some random show. You start digging in your plate and Satoru does the same. You're waiting for his reaction, and you're not disappointed. This man is crouched over the plate, absorbing bite after bite not even lifting his neck, moaning in the process.

"It's disgusting isn't it hm?" you tease.

"Tell me you have more," he says with his mouth full. You furrow your brows at his manners shaking your head.

"No but i have dessert"

He just nods his head resuming licking the plate clean.You chuckles wondering when was the last time he ate at all. Dinner wraps around and you're both dozing off watching the show.

"I never really saw you around" he blurts

"Well i'm very discreet and you're kind of the opposite"

"Maybe you're just stuck up"

"Maybe you're just a drug addict" is what you want to say "Maybe i am" is what you go for.

You spent the rest of the night commenting on the poor acting of the show. You feel like Satoru has warmed up to you and vice versa. Later Sukuna knocks on the door to pick you up, he rushes you because his little brother is in the car intoxicated, telling you that if he throws up on the seat it'll be your fault. You don't even have the time to properly tie up your shoes that he's grabbing your arm directing you to the exit. You quickly wave to Satoru who is smiling at your interaction with Sukuna.

The reason he's picking you up is that Yuuji is your roommate, it makes sense for him to drop you both off at the same place. After a bit of effort and a lot of scolding from Sukuna, Yuuji is finally in bed and you're too. Exhausted, you can't wait to go to sleep.

(｡･･｡)　　　₊　

A few weeks have passed since that night, you're now the assigned babysitter when the group is out partying, you don't mind anymore, you've learned to know Satoru better and he's actually a great friend, he's funny and sarcastic. Underneath all of that you see clearly that he's broken and dealing with a lot. You told the group that he also needs some alone time as for the past few months he's been surrounded with presence 24/7. Suguru almost burned you at the stake for that but when Satoru backed you up, he calmed down. You think he's getting better and better until one night you come to his place and the smell of weed lingers in the air. The scent takes you to the balcony where he's sitting on a garden chair.

"I like your new cologne" you say through the sliding glass window.

Satoru jumps from his seat, eyes wide looking at you with guilt. You extend your hand so he can give you the blunt. He sighs, taking one last hit before passing it to you. Taking a seat next to him, you smoke on his joint. After a moment you give it back to him. He looks at you hesitantly before taking it.

"I know what you're doing, this method where you only smoke weed to keep sober from any other drug ? It's not the solution" you say harshly.

"And what do you know about withdrawal" he chuckles, taking more hits.

"My sister was a drug addict" you state plainly and the smile on his face immediately wipes off.

Satoru clears his throat in embarrassment, passing you the blunt one more time, you take it, only to throw it off the balcony. His mouth opens wide and he stares at you like you just killed his entire family. You stare back daring him to say something. In defeat he only gets up and goes back inside.

"Come, I made chicken curry" You smile, following him inside.

(｡･･｡)　　　₊　

It was rare for you to see Satoru during the day you were in class, and following the New year's event he decided to stop college for a while. But today is an exception. Your only class of the day has been canceled so you decided to visit him. It's 2 in the afternoon and he clearly just woke up, only wearing a boxer and a cringey wolf t-shirt. His hair goes in every possible direction and his eyes are hooded.

"Rise and shine darling!" you say shaking the takeout bag that you picked up on your way here.

"You must be god sent i'm starving" he says locking you in a bear hug you can barely breath.

When you're done eating, Satoru looks better already, you're scrolling through your phone.

"There's this place I want to try, a bakery type of stuff, everything they make looks delicious. Do you want to come with me?" you ask, turning your head his way.

"Sure, I crave anything sweet. " he says with an insistent stare and a wolfish grin. You wonder if there's a hidden meaning in his words but quickly brush it off urging him to get dressed up.

You're waiting in the hall when he finally comes out dressed and combed out of his bedroom. Since you mostly see him when he's at home on late nights you forgot how he cleans up nice. He's wearing a grey shirt and black slacks. That's a change from the wolf pyjamas for sure.

"What are you doing ?" you laugh as he searches through the cabinet

"Car keys"

"Oh no need! It's a ten minute walk!" you say grabbing his arms to get on the way.

You lost count of how many girls turned their heads to look at Satoru, your arms are locked with each other, some of them glance at you with pure jealousy in their eyes. You're about to make a comment about that, but turning around, Satoru is breathing heavily, mouth slightly open. You feel a pang of guilt in your chest, stopping in track.

"Do you want to stop for a minute?" you ask in a sweet voice.

"For a ten minutes walk ? What's next ? You're going to change my diaper ?" he breathes, not looking you in the eyes.

You feel even more guilty now. You know his overdose took a toll on his health but you wouldn't think it was that bad. He feels insecure about it for sure. Shit, you should have just shut up. Once in the pastry shop you took a table next to the window, neither of you have uttered a word since his little outburst. You clear your throat asking him what he fancies to break the ice.

"Listen, I shouldn't have talked to you like that earlier. I know you try to help me" he says, closing the menu, taking your hand in his.

"It's fine" you smile at him "Don't take this the wrong way but since the break is approaching i wanted to get back to the gym would you like to come with me?" you ask threading carefully over your words. He purses his lips and you're about to take back your words when he answers.

"Guess I could use the extra exercise," he answers, leaning back on the sofa.

You squeeze his hand excitedly and order from the waitress. When the food comes, you happily taste the treats, sharing with each other. After a moment Satoru sip his drink, lost in his thoughts, you can tell he wants to say something.

"So your sister is she-"

"Alive and well" you cut him off to avoid an awkward moment. He exhales loudly as if a weight was taken from his shoulders. Nodding his head he asks you more questions.

"How did she get clean ? She went to rehab?"

"No, she had it really bad one night and wanted to get clean"

"You can say the word you know, I'm not going to burst in tears" he says laughing to lighten the atmosphere. You hit his calf under the table.

" She didn't overdose, she just had a really bad trip, and then she found out she was pregnant, she always wanted a baby, she decided to make it right for the kid" you say, meeting his gaze. "I'm not telling you to impregnate someone to get over it" you add huffing through your nose.

"You sure you don't want this ? Me and you in the park while little Saori is running around" he says, caressing your hand with his thumb.

You shiver in disgust at the thought of a fetus growing inside of you, hitting his calf once again as he laughs at your face.

(｡･･｡)　　　₊　

A few days after the pastry date, Satoru hasn't answered any of your propositions to go to the gym. So today you decided to join Sukuna on his training day. You hate to go to the gym alone, scared to look ridiculous in front of everyone, he's an expert so it should be fine. The smell of sweat floods your nose. Looking around you quickly notice a mop of strawberry pink hair, to your surprise you notice white hair too. A smile spreads on your lips and you're on your way to join them but the conversation stops you in your tracks.

"I was breathing like a damn cow in front of her, over walking for a mile, this is stupid I don't want this anymore" Satoru grumbles

"Well you're in the right place but it's going to take some time, don't expect to get back in shape in a week" Sukuna answers, giving you a short glance ,you feel like a deer in the headlights.

"Go fetch a rope we'll start there" he adds, pushing him in the direction with his hand.

Satoru walks toward where the material is staked, while Sukuna approaches you, putting a finger over your mouth.

"I know we were supposed to train together today, but I think it's better if he doesn't know" you nod your head "Don't mention this to him, act like you never heard this conversation hmm?" he says taking off the finger from your lips.

"Thank you" you mutter, before discreetly leaving the room.

(｡･･｡)　　　₊　

Tonight is board game night with the whole crew. Everybody is at Satoru's place, It's been a while since everybody has been reunited in the same place. Yuuji is currently banished from the living room, he is on the terrace for stealing too many banknotes during Monopoly. The end of the round is near and he's giving everybody puppy eyes to be admitted back in, before moving to the next game. He's sleeping at Megumi's tonight but Sukuna still agreed to come pick you up. From dobble to mime games the night has been filled with laughter and funny banters.

Almost everyone has gone home by now, you're chatting on the couch with Satoru when Sukuna sends you a text to come down. Satoru accompanies you in the hall as you put your shoes on. You're about to hug him goodbye when he presses his lips against yours. The kiss is soft, he takes his time to taste you, holding your cheeks like you're made of glass. You don't move, or deepen the kiss. You're dumbfounded. When he breaks the kiss you stare at him waiting for an explanation but he just stares at you with a smile, petting your hair.

"Satoru?" you call in a meek voice.

He shrugs his shoulders, still smiling like a fool, "You were beautiful tonight" he adds.

A warm sensation spreads in your chest at the compliment.Suguru calls him from the kitchen, before you can answer and he disappears down the corridor.

The car stops and you haven't noticed your home yet. You've been in your thoughts for the whole ride, thinking about the kiss, how his lips felt and why he did it? you take your bag from the floor, mutter an apology and reach for the handle when Sukuna grips your arms.

"What happened, you look like shit" he states, Sukuna has always been honest with you, and you know you can trust him.

"Satoru kissed me tonight" you exhale loudly.

"And ? you felt butterflies in your little tummy" he laughs. You hit his arms feeling frustrated already.

"Sukuna! Don't you think it's weird? I mean if he grabbed my ass or just started humping me-"

"You'd smacked him, i hope" you give him a mean glare at his intervention.

"What I'm saying is that a kiss is very intimate. I wasn't expecting that. What would you do if I kissed you?"

"I'm a loyal man so I'd probably have to kill you" you slump in your seat at his words, he's not being very helpful.

"Do you know how many drugs were found in his system that night ?" he talks in a more serious tone.

Your heart clenches in your chest and you shake your head sheepishly.

"A lot, too many, he should have died. He's like this, he takes, takes and takes and then there is the aftermath, don't think too much about it, he probably just wanted to know what it felt like." he says.

You nod your head feeling the tear prickle in your eyes. You have trouble falling asleep that night, thinking about everything that happened and what's about to come.

(｡･･｡)　　　₊　

Sukuna must have been right, after the kiss incident none of you brought it up and things went back to normal. It's Sunday, you're in your bed watching a chick flick. when the front door buzzes. You play dead ,not wanting to move from your cozy bed. After a moment you hear banging on the door and decide to see who the hell is disturbing your peace on this holy day. No surprises it's Satoru, his million dollar smile almost makes you forget that he made you get out of bed.

"Took you long enough" he says, entering the appartement.

He lets one of his hands go to your hair as he scratches your scalp with his long fingers. You close your eyes at the contact, relaxing in his hand. You felt sleepy before he interrupted you, but now it's even worse. You lead him to your bedroom. Getting back under the covers, he does the same getting rid of his jogger and hoodie, leaving just his shirt on.

"Your bed is cozy" he says nuzzling into the sheets.

"What brings you here ?" you say, yawning, eyes fixated on the screen.

"Come ooon can't friends visit on Sundays ?"

"Not when they're trying to knock my door down" you laugh, meeting his gaze "You know I'm probably going to fall asleep, this is not going to be interesting."

"I love to watch you sleep" he teases, fixing a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Creep" you mutter.

As predicted you fall asleep a few minutes after. You looked tired for the past few days, so Satoru is not surprised. He's looking at you, the steady rise and fall of your chest, you look so peaceful, getting closer to you he plants a kiss on your forehead, the scent of your hair strikes him, you smell like lavender cotton and vanilla,so sweet. He's obsessed. Hiding his nose in your hair he takes another sniff. He smells you over and over again still not satisfied, he lowers his head into your neck smelling the scent of your skin mixed with your body lotion. He moans a bit, fuck he could eat you whole right now.

He wants to go lower again, smelling between your breast, pressing his nose against your crotch. But he can't do that to you while you're sleeping, you're the best thing in his life right now. You make him feel whole, you make him feel like he can overcome anything as long as you're by his side. He just can't, fighting his pulsions, he settles for your hair, breathing your scent again and again.

When you wake up Satoru is crushing you under his weight, you do your best to push him away, as he groans in his sleep. Damn he's heavy. squeezing you in his arms, he hides his face in your neck lapping at your skin. You shiver calling him out.

"Satoru stop!" you say in a firm voice, sitting up straight.

"Hmmm, let me make you feel good please" he moans looking at you through heavy eyes.

You admit that seeing him like that makes you feel dizzy, and you're always horny when you wake up from a nap but you can't have sex with him, he's your friend, and he's going through a lot right now he will probably regret it, or get too attached.

"No we can't if you came here for this I'm sorry but you have to go" you say fleeing his gaze.

"No, no, no!" he says, catching your face in his hands "I came here for you, it's the first time i feel really excited in a while, I want to share this with you" he adds kissing your nose softly.

"Satoru, I'm happy you're gaining sensations again but it's a very bad idea" you say looking him in the eyes.

"Why bad ? Am i scaring you?" he asks, in an overly sweet tone searching for your look.

"You're talking in the heat of the moment, you'll regret it"

"No I won't, I don't regret kissing you, I don't regret any moment spent with you."

You believe him, and you want to let go hand taste him, but he only starts to see clearly now it would feel like you take advantage of him. Satoru lays your body down gently, kissing your cheeks, throat and collarbone. His plump lips feel heavenly against your skin. You surrender, letting your hand go to his hair, as you shimmy out of your panty. He groans between each kiss until he reaches your crotch. His piercing gaze meets yours and you nod, giving him access to your pussy. He takes the time to breath in your scent first, closing his eyes and exhaling loudly.

Heat creeps to your cheeks at the way he acts, soon enough his tongue licks at your bud. It feels rough against your skin, you squeeze your thigh against his head. After a few more licks he starts to fully devour your cunt, mouth sucking your clit in while his tongue laps at it repeatedly. Satoru moans louder than you do, he really wasn't lying about feeling horny again. His grunts turn you on even more, you start to grind against his face. You're close, after a few seconds you cum all over his face.

Satoru is out of breath,but smiles through it all. He almost looks high right now. You chase this idea out of your head. You trust him. kissing you through your daze, he places you ass up, face down.

"Like this, baby, hm? So you can keep on watching your little movie" he says, directing your head toward the screen. You nod eager to feel him inside after all his teasing and begging.

Without warning he enters his full length inside of you, air is knocked out of your lungs as he immediately starts to pound you. You close your eyes relishing in the feeling of his big cock inside of you. You're happy you gave in, this is exactly what you needed. You throw back your ass on him gripping the sheet to steady yourself. His moans are still loud and obnoxious drowning yours, but you don't mind, you like your men being vocal.

Gripping your hips hard, Satoru goes full force inside of you until he releases his seed inside of you. His back hit the mattress behind you, panting through his climax. He really came fast you think, is it the overfull emotions? the newfound libido? You're embarrassed and won't bring it up for sure. You wanted to cum on his cock too. You lay down next to him caressing his hair.

"I'm going to make you cum again baby don't worry hmm, this is all thanks to you. I wouldn't want to be sober if it wasn't for you" he coos placing kisses down your body to eat you out again.

His words make you freeze, this isn't good, at all. You know what you have to do, and you dread it.

(｡･･｡)　　　₊　

Your belly is tied in knots and your throat is tight. You knock on the door. Waiting anxiously. Satoru let you in a few seconds later. Smiling ear to ear he leans in to kiss you but you turn your head, his lips landing on your cheeks. You already feel bad, clenching the handles of your bag.

"We need to talk" you clear your throat looking at the floor.

"Sure, Is everything alright ?" he asks, rubbing your back, urging you to come forward but you prefer to stay next to the door. When you're done telling him what you need to, he'll probably not want you in his space anymore.

"I can't keep doing this. You and me, it can't happen anymore" you say looking him in the eye for the first time that night.

"What do you mean ?" his brow furrows.

"The thing you said the other day, about being clean because of me"

"Don't worry about that, it's all good" he says trying to put his hand on your hair but you take a step back.

"No, it's not, I may not always be in your life, what happens then ? What will happen to you ? You have to want this for yourself, not for someone else..." the tear well up in your eyes and you want to throw up.

The way he's looking at you makes you want to disappear, you feel like a stranger in his home.

"If you're not planning to stay then go away"

"It's not what i mean-"

"Go away, you're searching for the most ridiculous excuses to leave me, so just go away right now." he says in a harsh tone, your heart clenches.

"Satoru I'm doing this for yo-" before you can finish your sentence the door of the living room slams shut behind him.

The silence is heavy, through all the times you went to his apartment you never felt that uncomfortable. Holding back your tears, you get out without another word. Clicking the door shut you realise that this was probably the last time you saw him. The tears fall freely on your cheeks, you sob, shoulders shaking. You sit on the stairs that lead to the next floor, not trusting your strength at the moment.

From your spot you can hear object clattering in satoru's appartement, you feel like a terrible person, you want to go inside and apologize, tell him you didn't mean it, that you don't want to be away from him, you do, but you can't and it's killing you. If you call Suguru he'll probably make you cry even harder. Picking up your phone you dial a number that you know by heart.

"Yeah"

"Sukuna please" you cry in the receiver.

"What happened? Where are you ? " he asks in a worried tone.

"I'm at Satoru's please come i'm scared he'll do something please" you beg pathetically

"To you? What the fuck happened?"

"No! to himself, I don't know just please come."

"I'll be there" he hangs up

You rest your head on your knees, crying silently. After a moment you feel a hand on your head. You know it's Sukuna, but you're too ashamed to even look him in the eyes. He sits next to you and caresses your back until you calm down.

"I called you a cab, whenever you're ready you can go." he says in a calm voice.

Your sobs have died down a bit, his presence reassures you.

"We had a fight"

"You don't have to tell me." the tears flood your eyes once more, you're so lucky to have him. You hug him close.

"Thank you," you mutter.

After accompanying you down, Sukuna went back inside. Needless to say, you didn't get much sleep that night, or the ones after.

(｡･･｡)　　　₊　

Summer is around the corner, days are getting longer, warmer, but somehow it makes you feel like crap. Everyone around you are planning trips with their friends, and you just feel empty. The group knows about what happened between you and Satoru, not the details, just that you're not on speaking terms anymore. It was hard at first, everybody wanted to know why, but eventually, seeing the states you both were in, they dropped it. you're closer than ever with the brothers, Nobara and Megumi, since you live with Yuuji they would drop by any chance they get.

As for the rest, Suguru doesn't hide his hatred for you anymore, he either completely ignores your presence or bad mouths you straight in your face. Shoko, and Utahime try to tone him down but he's way too protective over his friend.

You haven't seen him since, you asked around for updates but they always stayed vague telling you not to worry. You miss Satoru, you miss him dearly. How can a person you befriend at the beginning of the year make her absence so hard to bear? Maybe it was more than friendship. You think about it often, if you had never said anything would you two be in a happy relationship? It doesn't matter, what's done is done, you just have to learn how to live with it.

You're currently on a walk downtown, to clear your head, and not stay cloistered in your room. Without noticing you pass in front of the pastry shop you used to go to with Satoru often. You stop in your tracks looking at the facade. You kind of want something sweet right now, is it a good idea ? You hate to attach places with people but... you only went there with him, it was sort of a ritual ever since the first time you tried it.

The door opens, revealing a silhouette that you know too well. His eyes meet yours and you feel your heart sink to your stomach. This cannot be real. It's like the word stopped the instant his blue eyes crossed yours. Satoru is standing ten feet away from you. It's the closest you've been in a month. Taking a good look at him, a weight gets off your shoulders, he looks good, as usual, but healthy. No dark circles, clean looking clothes and he gained muscles, his arms look bigger.

You're happy to see him like that, relieved. He's holding a craft bag with the shop logo on it. You can't help but smile, he really does have a sweet tooth. Satoru takes a step forward but you immediately start walking again, not trusting yourself to have a conversation with him without bursting into tears or begging for his pardon.

(｡･･｡)　　　₊　

"I'll Have a piece of red velvet with a white chocolate chip cookie, a salted caramel and a piece of brownie too please." The waitress takes Satoru's order neatly packing it in a box.

That's his guilty pleasure, even after a good workout session he always needs to have something sweet. After paying, Satoru gets out of the shop, Freezing at the sight of you. Fuck it's been months, it feels like year, and at the same time, it felt like yesterday he was sitting at home with you,cracking the most stupid jokes ever heard.

You cut your hair, you have new piercings too. You're beautiful, even more than the day you left him. He wants to talk to you, stepping forward he's about to greet you, but the second he gets closer, you run away like a scaredy cat. He chuckles to himself at least you are still the same at heart. Looking at you disappear through the streets, He thinks about everything that has happened since that night.

When Sukuna entered his appartement, he pounced on him, ready to throw him out. Unfortunately, at the time Sukuna clearly overpowered him, and with his emotions in shambles he was an easy take down. The following days after your announcement were some of the hardest in his life. He wanted to do everything, anything to get your attention, to have you close to him again.

His darkest thoughts wanted to make you pay for abandoning him, do something irreversible to make you feel guilty. So you'd learn your lessons and never leave him again. When the news traveled to the group, Suguru came by his place telling him he should have never trusted you, he vehemently insulted you but Satoru put him in his place. Despite his anger for you, he still had affection for you and wouldn't tolerate disrespect on your behalf.

Sukuna had the role of his jailor, literally. Every other day he would drag Satoru to the gym by his neck, no matter how much he slept, if he showered or not, through the insults and more. Eventually Satoru stopped complaining and integrated it in his routine.

This being the first step, Sukuna then registered him in an addict meeting, feeling it would be easier for him to talk it out with people that know what he's going through. Just like for the gym, at first he kicked and cried but eventually, he accepted his fate. He truly wanted to get better. A part of him wanted it for you, when his life was gonna get together you could come back ! But Satoru realised that this is the exact reason he lost you, so he started acting for himself. Filling his free time with new activities instead of just rotting in bed.

Weeks after weeks, he finally started to see the end of the tunnel. Summer's approaching and the days getting longer helped him too. He dreads it a bit too. Soon all of his friends would be on summer break, celebrating and drinking their college year away. Temptation will be everywhere, in the shape of a beautiful girl, a red plastic cup, or a rolled up bill.

No matter what he did, you never left his mind, he tried to convince Sukuna a few times to let him see you, but he was always categoric in his answer : none of you were ready. So when he met you outside the pastry shop, his heart almost exploded. He wanted to run to you, cover you in kisses from head to toe, show you everything he accomplished, and finally finally hear you say you're proud of him.

Satoru was happy he saw you, alive and well he wonders if you ever brought someone else to this place, he never did, it was too personal, kind of ridiculous when you think about it, but his memories with you were precious. He came home with a smile on his face that day.

(｡･･｡)　　　₊　

Today is the end of your college year ! The results were published and everybody is passing ! A relief, the summer can finally begin. Tonight, everybody is meeting at yours for a little before party to go to the bar later. The atmosphere is so festive and you're happy to unwind. But you can't help but ask where Satoru is, you were the designated person to keep him company during parties and whatnot. He's he home alone ? Your heart clenches.

"He was at the gym when I called him" You hear a voice behind you.

Turning around, Sukuna is looking at you with a smirk.

"Huh what, who are you talking about" you clear your throat, embarrassed to be this obvious.

"He's coming later, talk to him in private" he nudges your shoulder

"No it's a bad idea, I'll leave before he gets here, thanks for the heads up."

"It's been months, stop torturing yourself, you did the right thing. Just talk to him and make your choice then."

You'd be lying if you said that you don't want to talk to him. Ever since you saw him, you debated calling, or sending a text about a hundred times. You never did, never had the courage. Maybe tonight you really should talk to him ? After all it's the end of a cycle it can be a new start. A deep sigh escapes your lips, you need some air. You quickly put your shoes on and leave the appartement.

There is a park nearby, it's closed at this time of the day, but it never stopped you from going anyways. Climbing the fence you take a seat on your favorite bench, it's near a pond, the sound of water is relaxing. You get lost in your thoughts when the bench cracks under the weight of another person. turning your head, you fall face to face with Satoru. Your heart jumps in your chest and your reflex is to stand up.

"No! please, don't run away this time"

You missed his voice, it's enough to make you tear up, sitting back down you look right in front of you. He calls your name softly, sitting close to you.

"How have you been?" he asks, resting his arms on the top of the bench.

You chuckle shouldn't you be the one asking this ?

"Good" you look at him, god he's handsome, he's close and fresh out of the shower by the way he smells like cologne. "How about you? How's... Life" you ask awkwardly.

"Good," he repeats with a smile. You can't help but smile too. You missed him so much. Holding back tears, you hug him close to your chest.

"I'm sorry. I should have been there for you Satoru. I'm so sorry". you sniffle.

"No baby it's not your fault" he rubs your back, talking to you in a soothing tone. "The things I said that night were out of anger. You did what's good for me, you're good. Sukuna helped me out a lot. It's because of you. I'm getting better, I should thank you" he kisses your hair.

Gosh how he missed your scent, still rubbing your back, he takes a deep sniff of your perfume.You can't help but laugh, shoulders shaking, he does too. You break the hug to really look at him.

"You look good" praising his physics, you rub his arms, squeezing at his biceps

"Look at this," he says, flexing his muscles.

The black t-shirt he's wearing stretches around the bicep. And you feel your pussy quiver. Feeling shameful, you slap his arms playfully, for him to stop. You both giggle.

"You look good too, I like the double helix" he says, pointing at your ear. You tuck your hair behind your ear to give him a better look.

"I heard about your classes too, congratulations" he kisses your cheek. You mutter a small thanks, feeling the heat consuming your body.

You didn't know you were that needy until he was so close, giving you his attention. The both of you catch up, losing track of time. Satoru places your legs on top of his, tracing circles over your knee with his thumb. It's hard for you to concentrate, his hands are big and warm, his thighs feel so strong under yours. Your thoughts are interrupted when you see a flashlight in the distance. Shit the guardian. You exchange a panicked look with Satoru, pinning your body down to the bench, he puts a finger on your lips.

Your heart is beating loud in your ears, he's so close, his perfume is flooding your nose, the heat from his body is seeping into yours. Shit you're getting horny again. when the footsteps go away, you waste no time kissing him. you both moan at the contact. The kiss is messy and needy, you're both throwing all of your pent up frustration and desire in it. Tongues twirling with each other as he fondles your breasts in his large hand. At this rate your panty is going to be drenched. Satoru breaks the kiss, looking at you with heavy eyes.

"Do you want this?" he asks out of breath.

"Yes Satoru, please, I'm ready"

"You are baby ?" you nod furiously, getting hungrier by the second.

Sitting back on the bench, he helps you up on his lap, you feel a bulge under your ass and grind against it. He Hisses, squeezing your ass.

"After this, what will happen ?" you can't help but ask not wanting to repeat previous mistakes.

"Whatever you desire, if you want to keep this going it will, if you want a break, or to never see me again, so be it" he says, blue eyes piercing yours.

"I don't want to be separated again."

"Then we won't" he smiles widely, biting at the skin of your neck.

You moan gridning harder on his cock, you take off your sweater pulling his face in your breasts. He wants to do the same with his shirt, but you stop him.

"Keep it on, I like it"

"Dirty girl" he smiles, sucking one of your tits in his mouth.

Each of your knees are on the sides of his body, you stand on them to take the remaining piece of clothes from the object of your desire, Satoru undresses himself too, groaning eagerly. You spit in your hand to jerk his cock and his head falls backward.

"Fuuuck baby" he moans, you forget how loud he was.

You keep going a few times until you can't take it anymore and impale yourself on his cock. You feel every vein, every inch of his skin, you're full to the brim.

"Satoru you're so big" is all you can mutter as you move your hips slowly to get used to his size.

He kisses your forehead multiple times, taking your ass in each of his hands. He starts to bounce you up and down on his cock at a slow pace. You lock your arms behind his neck appreciating the come and go in your dripping hole. Your mouth is slightly agape, he starts to go faster and you moan out loud in the empty park. Satoru's big cock fills you up perfectly, his tip is pushing your gummy walls out and you feel stretched perfectly as he keep fucking into you. The way he's just lifting you so easily without breaking a sweat drives you mad, it's like you weigh nothing for him.

"Look at me," he begs. You oblige, his cheeks are red with pleasure. Mouth open just like yours, you dive in for a kiss, drowning his delicious moans.

Wanting to relieve him a bit, you place your feet flat on the bench, fucking yourself on him. You throw your ass back with all your might, you want both of you to feel it in the morning. His thrust meets yours as he piston up in your cunt. Your excitation is leaking down your thigh and on his balls, the sounds of your two body mixing feels so sinful, echoing in the empty park. A familiar sensation spreads in your lower belly.

"S-satoru, I'm close baby."

"Shit, wait for me doll."

You hold your orgasm as best as you can, clenching around his dick, begging him to finish.He warns you when he's about to burst and you cum in unisson, forehead against forehead, breathing heavily in each other's mouth. His cum mixes with your excitation, running down your bodies. Pulling out of you, Satoru jerks his cock furiously.

"What are you doing? " you ask, hazy from your high.

"Making up for last time, I was lame." you stop his wrist, looking him in the eye.

"It doesn't need to be now we have all night."

"Night?" he cocks his head to the side.

"All summer" you chuckle pecking his lips.

"Sounds good' he replies, kissing you again.

Sharing sweet kisses you realise that this could work out, you feel tingles in your belly thinking about spending the summer with him, and the same complicity you had before you fell apart.

[flemingsfreckles]

Be a Good Teammate pt.3

Jessie Fleming x USWNT!Reader (also Seattle!Reader)

Read Part 1, Part 2

Preview: You and Jessie face off in the NWSL

Warnings: very minor injury, bloody nose

WC: 3.6k

A/N: okay so I sort of lied, this was supposed to be the part where they grab dinner but then I sat down to write it and it was going to be way too long for one part, so here’s part 3. Part 4 will be the dinner, I promise.

A short day later and here you were, lined up in the tunnel, staring at the back of Nikki’s head while you shook out your legs, alternating side to side. You hated standing in the tunnel before a game, it gave you too much time to think. Thinking about all the details, all the moves, all the plays. You easily got into your own head, you worked yourself up. Even though you knew all those feelings would disappear as the game started, you couldn't shake the feelings. This time, it was especially bad, the words of your coach running through your mind. You couldn't let her down, you had promised you’d have your act together, and you did, you thought. Practice yesterday was a little rocky but you were back to playing closer to yourself, it felt comfortable again. 

You heard the noise of boots against the concrete and you saw Sinc walk up, leading the rest of her team to line up next to yours. You watched the back of the first three players walk by following in line before you recognized the back of Jessie’s head. She ends up stopping only slightly in front of you. Keeping your head forward, you let your eyes wander over to her, not wanting to make it obvious you were looking over at her to the players behind you. Looking up and down you take in her frame for the first time since in San Diego. As if she can feel your eyes burning a hole through the back of her head you see her begin to turn in your direction. Not wanting her to see that you had been watching her, you snap your head down, looking at the floor and pretending to shake out your ankle again. 

You pick your head back up but keep your eyes glued to the back of Nikki’s head. You can see in your peripheral that Jessie’s head is still turned toward you. Giving in, you turn slightly instantly making eye contact with her. The eye contact only lasts a moment as she spins back to face forward and you do the same.

Both captains begin walking forward, you follow in line through the tunnel before splitting off to each side of the pitch. You line up, stand through the national anthem, take your starting XI photo and then stand around as the captains meet with the officials.

“Are you and Jess friends again?” Jordyn asked as you both stood watching the officials talk with Sinclair and Fishlock. 

“I don’t know, we've talked a bit recently, but friends I don't know.” Yes you wanted to sit here and tell Jordyn that you were friends but you didn't know how Jessie felt about calling you friends again so you weren't going to assume you were. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason, she mentioned you talked with her after the gold cup game and then just saw you two doing weird staring in the tunnel.”

“I wasn't staring.” You try to defend yourself but Jordyn begins heading to her pitch location, you follow running to the far side of the pitch. You look across the pitch to the other side, seeing Jessie standing across from you, you should not be surprised but it just kicked in that you'd be marking her most of the game, again.

The first half of the game goes about as smooth as you could hope, you feel like yourself again playing. That isn't to say the game itself is easy, Jessie was keeping you on your toes, most of the time you were able to keep up with her, only once letting her get a perfect long pass, leading to a goal. The score was 1-0 in favor of Portland as you headed into the locker room. 

The mood of your teammates varied, some of them frustrated, some annoyed, others showing little to no emotion as you entered the locker room. You couldn't help but feel a bit out of place, you were feeling satisfied, dare you say a little proud of your performance, Portland is a good team, you were keeping up for the most part. Specifically you had been playing like you knew you could. Your teammates were spread across the locker room stretching, snacking, talking to each other, you took the break to sit down off to the side, sipping from a gatorade. Your coach came walking over, stopping in front of your cubby.

“Are you doing alright today?” She kept her voice low, out of ear shot of any of your fellow players.

“Yeah, I feel like myself again.” You're hoping she noticed as well and that she wasn't about to break the news that you'd be subbed out for the second half, a small pit of nerves starting to grow in your stomach.

“It looks like it, you're doing well, I know Fleming can be hard to mark, not much you could do on the long ball. I just still wanted to make sure you were doing okay.”

“I’m good.” She doesn’t say anything else to you, turning away to go talk with the other coaches. You continue to keep to yourself, waiting for the rest of halftime to be over.

You head out on the pitch and the game starts back up again. In the same fashion that Jessie had, a couple minutes in you're able to get the ball away from her and enough clearance to send it long toward the goal, bouncing off the head of Jordyn and into the goal. You run, celebrating in the arms of Jordyn and Alana. 

The game continues on, not much excitement, no goal scoring chances being made by either team. The ball goes out off the foot of your teammate. The ball is thrown in, bouncing up off a Portland player sending it high in the air in your direction. In an attempt to knock it to a teammate you jump, Jessie having the same idea, also jumps. Her body crashes into yours, her head coming into contact with your face as you both come down.  Upon your feet coming back to the ground you drop to your knees, hand covering your nose as the pain makes your eyes begin to water. The ball no longer in your section of the field Jessie doesn't move far from you. She places her hand on your back and sends a shout to the official to get them to pause play.

“I’m so sorry.” You hear her say, you don't see her as your eyes are clamped shut in an attempt to ease the pain coming from your nose. 

You hear the whistle and before you know it the training team is kneeling next to you, trying to pull your hand off of your face. You only open your eyes when they start talking to you, asking if you're okay. You glance at your hand, seeing the trails of blood running down your palm and dripping into the grass. You’re handed a water bottle and told to take a sip, you do before spitting it out, the flavor tasting like metal. You get handed a wipe to clean up your hands, nose, lips, and chin where the blood had covered.

The training staff make you sit back on your butt as they continue to look at you. One member of the staff feels up and down your nose, he comments that it doesn't feel broken which you are grateful for, you didn't want to deal with a crooked nose or needing surgery. Rolls of gauze are shoved into your nose and an ice pack is being pushed onto your face causing more pain as they have you hold your head back but you're not going to complain. Now standing over you is Quinn, the rest of the team gathered by the bench chatting. You catch a glimpse of Jessie in the Portland huddle, her head still turned back toward you watching you be tended to. 

“Are you good to stand up?” The trainer to your right asks, she holds out more gauze to you, you take it, placing the bloodied gause from your nose into her gloved hand.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just some pain.” You stand up with the assistance of Quinn and the trainers. They hold on to you, pulling you off to the side of the pitch.

“You can’t go back in while you're actively bleeding.” 

“I know.” You roll your eyes, hating that rule right now. The pain was bad but it’s not like it was your legs or something essential to playing. You stay standing as you wait, swapping out your gauze once more, less and less blood coming out of your nose. Your team returns onto the pitch, the game resuming. It’s hard having to stand and watch, especially as your team is down a player, tied with only a few minutes to go.

Being down a player does not go in your team's favor as Portland is able to move the ball up the field, slotting it past your keeper and into the goal, taking the lead.

You watch for another two minutes before you take out the gauze in your nose, not replacing it this time as the bleeding has stopped. You turn to the trainer, letting him look at your nose one last time.

“You’re good, no more blood. You're probably going to have two black eyes when you wake up tomorrow though.” The trainer informs you as he takes the ice pack and gauze from you.

You thank him quickly before running and getting the attention of the official to confirm you could re-enter the game. She nods you on and you take off across the pitch. The game only had a few minutes left in regular play. Those minutes end and you now have 8 minutes of stoppage to play through, probably 5 of those being due to your nose. Your team tries to tie it up, having a few shots on goal but to no success as the final whistle blows. 

Instead of immediately going to tell the other team ‘good game’, you head over to the bench, grabbing another ice pack to hold to your face, your nose still throbbing. Ice pack in hand and pressed to your face you start making your way over to some of the Portland players, first seeing your fellow US teammates, then making your way to the other players, most of them asking how your nose is. You tell everyone its fine, adding that it's hopefully not broken.

Once you've talked with the majority of Portland and had your own teammates check in on you, you see Jessie standing with her fellow Canadians from both her team and yours. You haven't yet gotten to talk with Jessie, congratulate her on the assist and the well played game. Not wanting to interrupt her conversation with Quinn, Jordyn, Sinc, and Janine you just stand off to the side, trying not to make it obvious that you are waiting for her.

Jessie notices you standing alone, she excuses herself from her national teammates, stating she needs to go apologize.

“Hey.” Jessie approaches you, a sympathetic smile on her face. “How’s the nose?” She gestures to the ice pack you're holding.

“It hurts.” You state the obvious looking back at her. “They don't think it's broken though so that's good.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to.” She apologizes for the second time today.

“It's fine Jessie, seriously don't worry about it, we both went for the ball.” You know she wouldn't intentionally have hit you, even if you were no longer friends, she wasn't like that. “Now if it was broken, I’d feel different.” You joke at her.

“You’ll probably have a nice black eye or two tomorrow eh?”

“That's what I’ve been told.” You hoped that everyone's statements wouldn't be true but you knew you were likely to wake up with a shiner, feeling the under of your eyes already a bit swollen. You both stand there, letting silence creep up, not knowing what to say next. You take the ice pack off your face, holding it in your hand as it is losing its temperature. Jessie takes a sip from her water bottle, just looking at you.

“Hey are we getting a UCLA alumni jersey swap?” The silence between you is broken and you both turn to see the Thorns social media manager standing in front of you, a large camera around his neck. You look down at your jersey, checking if any blood had gotten on it earlier in the game, thankfully there isn't any. Not knowing what to say you turn back to look at Jessie.

“I mean we can, if you want?” Shrugging her shoulders as she says it, it appears she doesn’t care either way. Part of you wishes she did care, you want her to want to swap jerseys with you. 

“Why not?” Agreeing, you move one hand to the collar of your shirt, the other to your back pulling it up and over your head. Jessie does the same only she pulls hers from the bottom causing it to turn inside out. She goes to hand it to you and realizes it’s inside out, quickly taking it back as she twists it to be right.

You watch her carefully as she manipulates the fabric, you couldn’t help it. Her toned stomach and shoulders on display without her shirt, the way her forearm muscle popped out as she worked to fix the shirt. You hear the click of the camera and realize it’s going to be obvious you were staring in the photo. You glance away not needing any more evidence of your crush.

Jessie reaches out, this time with her jersey the right way and you pass her yours. You both grab the tops of them, holding them out in front of you to display each other's name and number. Once the photographer takes a few photos you turn back toward Jessie, bunching up the shirt before putting it over your head and your arms in. She does the same with your shirt. You’re hit with the smell of Jessie. Sure it was mixed with the smell of her sweat but it still smelled just like her. It reminded you of being in college, even the sweat part, you had spent plenty of time together you both drenched in sweat that it brought fond memories to the surface.

Memories of laying on the field after practice just enjoying the sun, driving together to and from practice, windows down in the car, nights spent studying in hotel room floors on away trips, all of the memories of you and her, all attached to that smell.

“Thanks girls.” The camera man turns away walking over to where Jessie's teammates were starting to make their way around and into the locker room.

“I should probably go.” Jessie turns to see her teammates heading in. 

“Yeah of course.” You debate telling her you'll see her later for your dinner plans but decide against it, not wanting to bring it up on the spot. 

You turn to head to your own locker room. You sit through a quick team meeting, which consists of a quick recap of the game, where everyone did well and where there needs to be improvement. Your coach informs you that she’s canceling practice for the following morning, wanting everyone to have the day to recover and take a break. A few of the players begin to make arrangements to travel home that night no longer having an obligation to stay in Portland for an extra day. Your roommate was one to decide to leave, meaning you'd have a quiet hotel room to come back to at the end of the night. The meeting ends and everyone scatters, some girls going to get showers, some packing up, some going to begin their recovery.

You head to the physio room, they look over your nose again, confirming that they don't believe it's broken. You get handed some pain meds, told to keep icing it on and off, and to meet back with the trainers tomorrow before you head home. You hop off the table, and grab another ice pack on your way back to the changing room.

Returning to your cubby, you start grabbing your towel and clothes to shower and change. You curse yourself earlier for wearing jeans as your pregame outfit. As you grab your clothes out of your bag you see your phone light up. Grabbing it you begin reading the texts. 

Jessie (USA): Any chance I could get a raincheck on going out?

The text from Jessie stared back at you. The excitement drains from your body, your heart feeling heavy as you read it over and over. 

Jessie (USA): Sorry to cancel our plans, just not feeling going out after the game, would much rather throw on sweats and sit on the couch.

You understood, of course you did, having just ran around with her the whole 90, you can see why she’s tired. Your legs are starting to feel tight, you always run more than usual when you’re marking Jessie who seems to easily cover 95% of the field. The weather probably didn’t help either, no one wants to get dressed up to go out after running around in the cold all afternoon. You couldn’t lie, sweatpants sounded perfect right about now. 

Jessie (USA): Can we do takeout at my place or something instead?

Relief washes over your body as you realize she still wants to see you.

Jessie (USA): Sorry for all the texts.

“Yo Fleming get your head out of your phone, I’m talking to you.” Your head snaps up at the mention of Jessie’s name. You see Jess Fishlock staring at you. You look at her confused.

“What?” You’re more responding to the fact that she just referred to you as Fleming and less asking for her to repeat what she had said to you previously. She grabs her own jersey top, giving it a tug before pointing at your chest, you connect the dots seeing why she called you what she did, you’re still wearing Jessie’s shirt.

“We’re going out, we lost but we still want to enjoy the trip, are you in?” She repeats her question to you, a couple other members of the team now watching you awaiting your response.

“No, I actually have plans.” A collection of  ‘ooo’ and a couple whistles come from your teammates around you.

“Must be a hot date with whoever she’s been texting so damn much.” Jess’ wife, Tziarra, teases.

“She was texting someone on the bus ride too, smiling at her phone and everything.” You shoot a glare at Alana who shouts out from across the dressing room. Your face is now starting to blend in to match the red thorns jersey.

“It’s not a date, I’m just catching up with Jessie.” 

“Hard to argue that it's not a date when you're wearing her jersey. Just saying.” Tziarra comments, her eyebrows raising with a hinting look. 

Not responding, you take the collar of the Thorns jersey and rip it over your head, throwing it with some force into your locker.

“Not a date, we’re not even really friends.” You emphasize throwing your hands out in display that you no longer had her shirt on. 

You grab your towel and phone, opening it to respond to Jessie.

You: Yeah that's fine, I wouldn’t want to be having to ask our server for a bag of ice every 20 minutes anyway.

You put your phone back into your cubby and head to the shower. You take a quick shower, rushing a bit, wanting to get out of the stadium and back to the hotel so you could put on sweats that you had waiting for you. You hop out, wrapping yourself in a towel and head to get changed. 

Jessie (USA): Do you still like Thai food? I know a pretty good place.

You:  Yeah that's great. We're headed back to the hotel in the next few and then I can head your way.

You put your phone back and let your towel fall, change into your clothes and then sit down waiting for the rest of your team to be ready to leave. 

It only takes a few minutes until everyone is walking out to the bus. Thinking you'll have a seat alone again you prop your legs up again. Your lounging state only lasts a minute before Fishlock is picking up your legs, throwing herself down in the seat next to you.

“Not friends and not a date huh?”

“I told you earlier no, She and I just got back into contact.” Trying your best to stop the teasing that you fear will never end from your team.

“Where are you going to dinner? Is she taking you somewhere romantic?”

“We’re not going out anywhere, we're doing takeout.” Jess lets out a laugh at your response, quickly covering her own mouth.

“So not a date, you're just going over to her place? Whatever you say.” You see her eyes roll. She leans over and whispers. “Hope you packed some cute underwear.” You hear the comment but it doesn't comprehend what she was implying. 

“She has a girlfriend.” The only words you think to respond, not having anything else to defend yourself with. You prop your legs back up on her since she was the one to move them, if she wanted to sit there she'd have to deal with it. You grab your phone seeing Jessie had sent you her address and a message to just let her know when you had arrived. You feel nerves begin to rise in your stomach, you're not sure why though, like you said, she has a girlfriend, it's not a date.

[dailyadventureprompts]

Homebrew Mechanic: Battles of Attrition

I think we can all agree that there’s something a little wonky with how d&d’s combat system changes between the early and mid/late game. Heroes go from being rightfully cautious about danger to being outright banal about it, confident that their accumulated power will be enough to dispatch all but the most outstanding foes.  The traditional solution is to put them up against stronger enemies but in my experience these mismatched encounters are a failing proposition: combat just gets more swingy and there’s only so many high level threats I can throw at them in a short period of time before it begins to strain credulity.   

While a lot of folks (Especially the OSR crowd) have taken the stance that 5e is broken because of how much it empowers players, I think the real fault lays with the lack of systems that exist to provide challenge outside of anything related to the damage based tug-of-war that is combat.  I think a lot of those systems were part of the non existent “exploration” pillar of the game before Hasbro realized they could make easy money selling the game in its unfinished state and gutted it along with the development team. 

Thankfully, I and other homebrewers are around to do what the megacorporations cant, namely have some original thoughts and try and figure out a way to add challenge back to the game without resenting those playing it for having fun. 

TLDR:  Trying to make our games challenging by upping damage numbers in combat is a losing proposition, in no small part because that part of the game is DESIGNED around the heroes winning. Instead, we up the overall difficulty by making them temporarily weaker with systems like sickness, stress, exhaustion, & item degradation. All of which I have details and guidelines on below the cut. 

First and foremost let me state some of my goals for these “attrition systems”, so we can all be on the same page. Whenever I make homebrew rules I try for something that’s going to require little to no paperwork on behalf of the players and can be seamlessly implemented into my DMing style. It’s not about realism, it’s not about punishing players, this is a way for me to add mechanical depth without bogging down the machine entirely. 

Attrition should be largely non-permanent.  The 5e audience invests a lot in their characters both emotionally and mechanically, so it won’t do to pile on debilitating debuff after debuff to the point of making a character useless. 

There should be an inverse relationship between the severity of the affliction and how long it lasts. Think in term of encounters, days, or weeks, (with the understanding that an attrition that goes on for long enough becomes a questhook in itself) 

The exception to this rule is if someone hits 0 hitpoints. I’m outspoken in my stance that characters should only die when it’s alternatively appropriate, but the dm is at liberty to inflict thematically devastating setbacks in the unlikely event that the party DOES suffer losses in the damage tug of war. 

We want to be sparing with how much attrition we throw at the party at once, so as to not create a “death spiral” where failures compound upon one another and make getting through the adventure impossible. 

In most cases suffering Attrition should be something the party is able to avoid by being fast/lucky/cautious/clever or whatever else the encounter requires. It’s there to add weight and consequence to their actions, and as a factor for DMs to build scenarios around. 

Exhaustion:  Unlike a lot of the other changes made in Oned&d, I actually quite like the overhaul of “each point of exhaustion is a cumulative -1 to all d20 rolls and spell dc, beyond 10 is death” as it allows us to play with exhaustion far more readily as an attrition. 

Every night you don’t rest in a haven (a safe comfortable place)  you need to make a con save or take a point of exhaustion, with the ruggedness of the environment determining the DC. Characters with the survival skill or natural explorer feat don’t have to make this roll. Only rest in a haven removes exhaustion at the rate of one point per night (though spaces like a luxury inn or a peaceful glade watched over by friendly fey may restore more)  

Hitting 0 hp and then being healed gives you a point of exhaustion. Nothing’s going to tire you out like getting magically defibulated so now everyone can stop complaining about healing word spam. 

Poison:  For our purposes, the “poisoned” condition as written  is too severe. Disadvantage on all attacks and ability checks is downright punishing for anything other than a single battle. Instead we’re going to make it work like charmed, where there’s a baseline effect for the purposes of resistance, but the status of each poison is dependant on the source.  

Poison falls in the “ short term big effect” side of attrition, specifically undermining a player’s ability to do most things since most effects end on a successful save or at the end of an encounter. Long lasting poisons should have more minor effects than the default poisoned condition, only applying to a few types of rolls or having a bane-like effect that makes judging the odds just a little bit more difficult.  

This makes poison great to use for dungeons and short-ranging exploration where the party is likely to face multiple encounters in one day. 

Diseases:  4e aced the design of these maladies by treating them as a contained skill challenge with their own CR  with various stages: stage 0: you were cured, stage 1: you suffered the initial effect, stage 2 or 3: you suffered a severe effect, with the final stage (3-4) being some effect that made the disease permanent.  When you got a disease it was usually stage 1, and you (usually) saved for it at the start of each day. Beating the DC by 5 or more meant you went down a stage (closer to 0), where as simply succeeding meant it stayed as bad as it was. Failing meant you got sicker, meaning a character could bounce up and down in wellness as an adventure went on. 

Diseases are best for longterm adventures, and often undermine one particular aspect of a character ( healing, actions assosiated with a particular stat).  Counterpoint to poisons, diseases should start out fairly gentle and then get worse the longer they’re left alone, leading to eventually devastating effects.  

Curses:  While borrowing the mechanics of diseases, I’d have curses be specifically weirder in their effects. The sort of thing that can make up the central hook or b-plot of a whole adventure.  This should also mean that curses are the hardest for the party to stumble into, but also the hardest to shake. 

Item Degradation: Detailed in a previous post HERE, the long and short of it is that item degradation is a form of player driven attrition that gently curbs their overall power level. If they go too hard, use their best items recklessly, get involved in needless fights, then they’re going to be in worse shape by the time they reach the final challenge. This was supposed be the idea behind HP/limited class abilities per day, but attrition systems cover that better IMO. 

Stress:  The psychological counterpoint to exhaustion,  I’ve already talked about Stress HERE. I tend to only use stress in horror themed adventures and campaigns, as it builds upon 5e’s optional “madness” system which fits the theme when gothic terrors and eldritch abominations but less so with the game’s usual heroic fare. 

Hunger & Supply:  I made a super lightweight system based off this idea of “depletion die” for potions and other consumables, check it out, it’s lightweight and fantastic.  Using this kind of system gives us another avenue to challenge our party, lengthening or shortening their lifeline as they lose supplies and seek out new caches. 

Thinking environmentally:  Part of the fantasy of being an adventurer is travelling to dangerous places and living to tell the tale.  We’re denying our party that fantasy if we don’t follow through on the threat the idea of these places imply.  You should risk sickness if you go into a swamp, sewer, or jungle, thirst should be a factor in desert exploration, just like freezing is for mountain and winter expeditions.  That’s to say nothing of magical hazards; cursed landscapes that drain your will to live dead marshes style, alchemical smog in a steampunk industrial zone, fading into nothingness as you approach the edge of existence.  

Figure out the natural hazards, make your party aware of the danger, and then build your adventure around the fact that they’ll need to save against the hazard each time they take a long rest.. Do they take a detour if it means having a safe place to camp? Is there a resource they need to manage along the way? Could encounters expose them to further dangers or make their current exposure worse? Keeping these ideas in mind especially when you’re planning a wilderness exploration adventure should give you lots of ideas to fill up those encounter tables. 

Adding insult to injury:  Giving enemies the ability to inflict attrition in various forms makes otherwise trivial  enemies a credible threat even to a seasoned adventuring party. As an example,  A party might breeze through a fight with some monstrous spiders ( or even ONE regular sized spider, if you can imagine) , but that spider encounter doesn’t need to be the most dangerous thing ever if their next encounter is a navigation challenge fording a river and a few of the heroes are still groggy thanks to the slow acting poison in their systems.  

In this way you can use attrition based battles to soften your party up for greater challenges, long after their HP totals and healing ability have outpaced the damage a single trap/encounter can do. 

Artist

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #44 | 8.29.24 ๋࣭⭑

why did august feel so long and so short at the same time

And hot girl summer finally comes to an end! Can you all believe we're already getting into September? That's..... crazy.

Before I get into the devlog this month, I want to make a small announcement! It's a bittersweet one, but overall, I do think it's more exciting than anything.

Crescence is FINALLY CLOSE TO GRADUATING!!!!

It's crazy to be able to say this. For anyone who's an OG fan of Alaris, you'll know I basically started game development at the same time I started my Ph.D. program. It's been a wild ride having to balance game development throughout this entire journey. Funnily enough, when I started Alaris, I saw many game developers say a game that was around the same length as Alaris would take about 4-5 years. So at the beginning of my program, I remember thinking, "Ahh... So even though it sounds so intimidating to work on something for 4-5 years, that basically means by the time I finish my Ph.D., I'll be done with Alaris, right? Might as well start then! If I'm going to spend those 4-5 years getting a degree, might as well also use that time to make a game :D"

*Graduates before I finish Alaris alosjdfliasdifj*

inserts a little fanart montage of recent fanart players have made to break up the text

Anyways, it's crazy that I've been on this journey for both parts of my life as long as I have. Both my dissertation and Alaris have equally tested my sanity, but words can't describe how rewarding it is to see the finish line finally in sight for both projects.

The thing is...

If I want to graduate this semester (which I so, so, so, so, SO desperately do), I have to write my entire dissertation (about 60k words) in about..... a 1-1.5 months, haha.....

On the bright side, it's feasible (Crescence says delusionally). On the not-so-bright side, it's going to test my sanity. And if there's a 5% chance I'll be able to make those deadlines and graduate this semester, that chance goes to 0% if I try to balance Alaris on top of that.

Which means...

I'll be taking a two month break from Alaris development, which is the first time in all of development that I'll be taking a break that long. For those who have followed me on this journey, you may know I've worked on my firstborn baby almost continuously since I first started this project. While I've balanced other games during development and sometimes taken short breaks where I don't make as much progress, I've never just Not Worked on Alaris. So it's a bit terrifying to imagine two months not working on Alaris at all.

But graduating this semester is important to me, and at the end of the day, as much as I love game development, it's very much my hobby. I don't talk about my IRL obligations on here too much, but I do have them, and finally getting my Ph.D. degree is one of my biggest IRL obligations and priorities.

So it's with tears in my eyes that I say Alaris will be on a break until the end of October. I'll still be around to answer questions (thank you to everyone who has been sending them in and showing sm curiosity and love for the cast!), and the Patreon will still be up for those who want to play Druk's beta. But aside from that, I'm taking a Full Break on Alaris so that I can buckle down and focus on the final stage of my degree :')

I know this may come as a disappointment to some of you, especially those who have followed me for a while and/or are eager to see the full game release. It pains me to have to step away from Alaris for such an extended time, especially since the weight of full game release does weigh on me with each day lmfao. I want this game out just as badly as the rest of you, and especially because so many of you have trusted me with your money, time, and support, please rest assured that this decision didn't come easy. It's my biggest hope that when I return to game development after finishing dissertation matters, it will be full steam ahead now that I'll no longer have degree obligations hanging over my head.

With that out of the way, let's go into this month's devlog! I'll try to make it as juicy as possible for you all as a thank you for your patience and support while I Get That Degree <3

Thankfully, this past month was much more focused in the writing department! While there was some small editing happening in Fenir and Druk's routes, it was minor changes compared to July. Most of my attention was on Kuna'a, and I'm very excited to say that the first draft of his route is OFFICIALLY FINISHED!!!

THAT MEANS ONLY ONE ROUTE IS LEFT FOR ALARIS TO BE WRITTEN!!!!!! It is so crazy to finally reach the last stretch of script writing. While I'm sure there's much editing to be done, the idea of having the base drafts finished is honestly hard to believe considering how endless script writing has felt.

A sneak peek of Kuna'a's route to celebrate

With how plot-centric the last three routes feel, it's also rewarding in a different way to officially write out a lot of the main plot details into the script, instead of just dropping bits and pieces here and there.

It makes me sad to pause Alaris development right when we're getting into the last meaty bits and pieces, but hopefully this just means when I return to development, I'll be hitting the ground running after missing working on the game ^^

Art has also been making lots of nice progress this month! I finished about half of Druk's CGs and our current CG counter is.... 25 out of 54! Which means we're just about reaching the halfway mark with CGs as well ^^

One of the CGs was so hot, it broke my iPad and almost lost ALL MY ALARIS ART ASSETS!! ha!! ha!! ha!! That was a fun part of this month!!!! Anyways, this isn't the CG in question (that one would be too spoilery to show, though it is on my Patreon for those who want to see it, heh), but this is a CG that I'm particularly fond of that I finished recently---Sneak Peek!

What lipgloss do you use, my man

CGs, aside from sprites, are the last main art assets that need to be done for the game. So knowing that they're just about at the halfway mark really shows that we're getting into the last stretch of the game's development!!

Finally, in extremely exciting news, we launched Druk's beta recently! WHICH MEANS..... HALF of the routes are beta coded for the game!!! WHAAAAT!!!!

Obviously, I'll be going in later to fix up some things, add in more sprite expressions, the CGs, etc. at a later time for these routes. But the fact half of the game is basically coded is so surreal...... I remember when these updates were just me telling you I was still writing and that was literally it LFJALSDJF.

Now, we're here on our third route to be beta tested!!!

everyone thank @minthe-drawings for drawing our beefy boy in all his beefy glory

Druk's beta will be up for a while since I'll be on break from development, but if you'd like to play his beta, sign up for Hydra on my Patreon!

This month, we've also started including drabbles to the Patreon for free members. So if you don't have funds to support through paid tiers but would still like some extra content, I've started writing drabbles that are free for anyone following my Patreon to read ^^

Finally, as one last thank you before I go on my break, we recently reached this milestone on itch.io!!! Y'all have downloaded Crescence games 100k times and played my games over 200k TIMES.... (we technically reached 200k plays a while ago, but I wanted to wait until the downloads number was a pretty 100k).

not to mention the other milestones we've hit. thank you all for your support ;_;

It's crazy to even see this kind of number on my page.... I remember I used to see other amazing devs post these kinds of numbers and I could only dream that one day I'd be able to experience that kind of engagement. And so seeing that number for myself.... it's just really humbling to know you've all supported me for this long and to know I've reached the amount of players that I have <3 Thank you as always for the support and love you've all given my games. One day I will reward you all in kind and release Alaris....LFMALSDIJF

For market research this month, I have been trying to play Fields of Mistria in the small pockets of free time that I have. March and Eiland my beloved. But what I really want to highlight this month is...

No one is surprised that I am, once again, telling you to support @ravenstargames

Lost in Limbo is a phenomenal dark fantasy VN that just released their demo and went live with their Kickstarter. The team is made up of some of the kindest, funniest, most hardworking, and talented people that I know, and I can't recommend the demo enough. The cast is diverse and has so much character (I literally love every character). The writing is beautiful, and the art is absolutely stunning. It's the team's first game, but you wouldn't know it from how polished, immersive, and breathtaking the demo is! Please consider supporting the team, whether it's playing the game or backing the Kickstarter. They deserve every ounce of success they get, and if you're a fan of fantasy and stunning storytelling, you will LOVE THIS GAME!!! Envy stans RISE!!!!

That's all for this month (and for the next two months.... wah.... don't forget about me everyone...)! Hope everyone stays well and warm as we enter fall, and I'll see you all in November <3 I'll miss you all dearly (I say this as if I won't still be around to answer asks), and hopefully when I return, I'll be making my debut as DR. CRESCENCE!!!! \o/

[ghost-emoji-anon]

hi! i'm not entirely sure how this is going to play out if i post something here and now, but i'm going to post it and see how it goes! it's for the call of duty fandom and audience, but hopefully whoever follows me here can engage with it as well. :)

right so, könig obviously has his sniper mask on at all times. sticks to himself and doesn't go out of his way to make friends. talks when he's being spoken to, etc. that sort of thing. that is until one day someone new is joining the team

he sees you. first thing he notices is the mask you wear and his interest in you went from 0 to 100 real quick. but he doesn't want to jump to conclusions, maybe you're wearing it because you just got off a recent mission before coming here.

but that all changed when he sees you and your mask on at all times. in and out of the battlefield. he notices your demeanor is different on the field and out of it. you remind him of himself sometimes, but you're a little more open to speaking to others than he is so he's sort of afraid to approach you. so he just silently admires you from afar.

you, obviously you, take notice of this giant man off in the back keeping to himself and no one around you ever says anything about it. you wonder why no one takes notices of könig, but you never bother asking anyone that. you just silently watch him from afar as well. neither of you catching the other watching.

but by some odd miracle, you two are paired up on a mission. you really don't know how that even happened but you're grateful for whoever is watching over you and glad you've gotten some opportunity to at least speak a few words to him.

what you expected was a silent man on a mission... what you got was the complete opposite. you can very well get used to this, because you were in the same boat. both of you grinning under the masks, neither of you seeing the others smile but could only tell just by looking into the others eyes.

that one simple eye contact was what sent you and könig a jolt of some sort of electricity and now the pair of you became inseparable.

the others on the team noticed how well you worked together and more often than not, you two were paired up. getting the job done quick and efficiently.

as the months came and went, you formed a sort of friendship that bordered onto something more.

down time was soent with him. he taught you simple words and phrases in German, you taught him your own. (whatever language you speak)

he shared his favorite foods from his homeland, you did the same.

very rarely would you two open up on your personal life, but it was starting to get to the point where you two would indulge the other on your past.

he told you about his hard time growing up, being bullied and the like.

you told him of your own insecurities.

each day was a anew experience with him and as the months continued to go by, you and him had gotten to the point where you would nap/sleep in each other's rooms.

and one day, the tension was so high between the two of you that you could no longer hide the one thing you kept from him

your face.

so you asked him to come by your room one. kept the lights low but just enough that he could still see you when you finally decided to take your own mask off.

he stops by and wonders what was going on

you tell him exactly what you were going to do and of course, he panics a little inside and reassures you that you don't have to do this. but you tell that it's something you want to do and that you felt like you can trust him with everything you have. all of you.

he nods in understanding and that's when you let out the breath you didn't know you were holding

slowly, you remove your mask. lifting it from your neck and up. your neck is exposed first. revealing the soft flesh of your skin and könig nearly chokes on air.

he's antsy. his fingers are lightly drumming across his thighs and he doesn't know what to do with himself at this very moment. but he lets you continue

his eyes are taking in everything and it nearly makes you nervous but it also fills you with this adrenaline

your chin is next then your lips

könig's throat is DRY

your nose and cheeks come into view and at this point, he doesn't know how he hsdnt passed out yet

and then finally

you reveal the rest of your face and könig is just staring

you're not sure how you should react to his staring but you almost think it's a bad idea until he mutters something in his native language

you know the word, you've heard him say it before and he told you what it means as well

he called you beautiful.

you nearly choke on your own breathing just from that one word alone

what you weren't expecting was for him to do the exact same thing. you never asked him to, you didn't say you expected him to do the same but he did

könig did it just for you. only you.

he didn't take his time, he just took off his mask like it was something he did with everyone. but that's how you knew that he could trust you with everything.

you both stared at each in awe. taking in each other and memorizing the lines, ridges and everything and keeping it within your memory for as long as you both drew breath

neither of you ever realized the two of you were getting closer and close, not until both of your breaths mingled with one another and you both shared a small, hesitant chaste kiss.

what felt like eternity was only a couple of seconds. both of you opening your eyes and giving each other a smile that only you two had the pleasure in finally seeing