#i probably deserve it lmfao im annoying and weird

[parkingloves]

sometimes i feel really stupid

[wifegideonnav]

Do they insist to be just friends though? They just don't say they're a couple and they say they're friends which is true, but they don't say they're JUST friends, not anymore at least

ok yeah this is true, my wording could've been clearer. i was more trying to joke about the fact that they're in this weird era of very overtly trying to have their cake and eat it too. because yeah, everyone who actually knows anything about them knows, and they know we know, and we know they know we know. its. ridiculously obvious.

but on the other hand, apart from dan's coming out video, they've never actually said anything you can point to. and even in the coming out video, in the section where he talks about his relationship with phil, what dan actually says is "and obviously, we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic" and "we are real best friends, companions through life, like, actual soulmates." on paper, he's still not admitting anything there because everything is couched in the past tense and the vaguest terms possible, and he has full deniability that he meant platonic soulmates. and meanwhile, they're having SO much fun teasing their audience, with obvious clickbait titles, blatantly referencing fan theories, etc. (and personally i think they're so valid for that lmfao like they 100% deserve to have fun with it at this point)

they've created this limbo, like i said, where they're being so overt, and yet insisting that they want their privacy, and i think to understand that one has to understand that they've always been like that. they wrote fanfiction about themselves in 2015, despite being living examples of how rpf can severely impact people's lives. in their fics, their relationship was platonic. they put their writing in their book which they then sold to tens of thousands of people, and they recorded dramatic readings of the stories for their channels and raked in the ad money. in no way do i think the fact that they've been capitalizing on the shipping for a decade makes it okay, but i do think it's important to consider. as someone very cool and well-spoken described it to me, "their whole bit is the elephant in the room." so i think it's a very strategic decision to keep their relationship status private, even though they are going to have absolutely no problem getting views for like. couples content etc lmfao.

(and im not going to go too deep into this bc its speculation and i respect their privacy so much more than i used to at 15, but i think it's also worth mentioning how much emotion must be tied into the concept of outing their relationship. there's the reckoning with the fandom that's going to have to happen, there's the really annoying and embarrassing part of having to admit that everyone was right all along, there's the massive amounts of scrutiny - and probably mainstream attention as well - that are going to be laser focused at their relationship, and also like... in the section of his coming out vid where he talks about phil, the only time dan refers to him in the 3rd person (as opposed to "we"), he says "them" and not "him."** this was years ago, but it speaks volumes to me about how uncomfortable and scared he still is about speaking openly about his attraction to men in more than in general terms or at a remove (talking about celebs or characters), which is also shown by the weird lil dance he does when saying "actual soulmates." there's such a difference between being open about how you think dudes are hot, and admitting to everyone that you are emotionally vulnerable about a same-sex partner. again, this is speculation based on my own feelings, but i do think it's at least part of the bigger picture. there's a difference between being gay as an individual and being gay in relation to someone else in terms of how society views and treats you, and i think they're hyperaware of that, because how could they not be.)

overall, they've genuinely been through the kind of hell regarding their relationship that very few people have ever experienced. in some ways, their situation is unique. mostly, that post i made was commenting on the semi-annoying, sometimes almost insulting, but fully understandable way that they're acting about their relationship. the entire situation is so deeply fucked that i do genuinely believe they've earned the right to have a little fun at their audiences expense (while the audience is even also in on the joke). because tbh its VERY funny that they haven't gone public yet.

**if you're curious the quote is: "this is someone that genuinely liked me. i trusted them. and for the first time since i was a tiny child i actually felt safe."

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

My apologies for not being active. It's been tough lmaos. Stuff with my family has been going on, and my friends.. Blah blah blah. Got embarrassed because my friends asked if I was on of my psychology teachers favorite students (I wasn't in their period.), and he said "No, but I'm not blind. I'm aware that I'm one of hers" out loud in the class, and my friends have been joking about it. So I'm reminded of it everyday. My boyfriend uhm. Well, I'm sort of considering maybe bringing shit up that bothers me, because today he said that since he got with a "bum" like me, he obviously doesn't have taste. Replied with ow? And told him it's bringing the petty out of me lmfao, and he started going "Oh no I'm so scared" yk shit like that. So I'm annoyed, and angry. Told him to "unget me then tf". Sigh. It's just been tough, and I can't handle people talking about my appearance anymore. I've had enough of everyone, and I mean everyone picking fun at me for it. Like my friends are constantly talking about "how big my forehead is", my boyfriend would say stuff about it too, but a couple days ago Ig he was feeling nice and told me that he's just hating on me. That there's nothing wrong with me. But then he contradicted himself today?? Ik its a joke, but it's hurtful and Idk what to do about it. He legit told me he was gonna do something while I "sulk", so I'm just afraid that if I say smth about it, then it would be an argument 😩 Life is confusing.

Been so depressed lately that I haven't been going to my classes. Luckily, we're out because of the snow. So I don't have absences rn. But mannn.

Anyway. I'm probably gonna lay down and sleep, maybe do some work I haven't done, idk? But I'll try to be in your asks again lol, just don't have the energy 😔

Xoxo 👽

BAE DONT EVER APOLOGIZE FOR THAT ITS OKAY!! I UNDERSTAND THINGS R HAPPENING AND IM SORRY THAT SO MUCH IS HAPPENING RN FOR U AND I HOPE YHINGS GET BETTER :(

also that’s so fucking weird and unprofessional of ur psychology teacher ngl like who the fuck says that genuinely… and bae ur bf… i still whole heartedly believe should be an ex bf and this literally just pushes me towards that opinion even more :/ u deserve a better bf!! one who doesn’t “poke fun” at u like that or starts an argument when u “sulk” or whatever. u deserve a better bf and better friends ngl . and i truly truly TRULY hope u get that.

at least yay for no school :( ily! take some time for urself and i’ll see u in my ask box whenever u have the energy! don’t worry about it!!

[anonil88]

Malcolm and Marie live blog

I don't usually do liveblogs for movies but yea.

Spoilers ahead!!

I love that its modern timed but very 70s stylized.

A tune indeed.

When you are high and drunk on success and

How the white critic reacts is why I feel like gatekeeping my scripts. At the same time some things I do make are about race or involve.

Marie sitting on the patio smoking is a mood whenever men are talking.

So he's pretentious and unaware.

Whoever chose the music for this, I feel like we would be Spotify mutuals.

Can this nigga stop pacing.

Also can he stop talking;

Marie is so tired and unimpressed.

Also little booties matter and are to be bitten.

Oooo the tension and the jazz.

Title Card over mac and cheese.

Shitty boxes mac and cheese but still mac and cheese.

Tbh i always wonder if spouses/significant others get upset when their spouses don't acknowledge them during speeches.

John sounds so much like his dad but I really hope his acting style differs from his dad a lot.

Guilty confession?

He did not profit off of his partners backstory and then not even acknowledge her.....I.....

If that ever happened to me catch me cussing my partner out during the beginning credits, the end credits, in the car, and at home.

GASLIGHTER!

The way I'm excited for Zendaya to give me some, oooo can she work with Regina King. Please on my knees I pray.

Um no that's not your job to coddle your lead.

He's a dick and the type of dick who makes himself look like a good person around other people.

If Sam Levinson is trying to make his viewers more of misandrist, it's working.

I feel like Marie has her flaws probably a lot of them and we will surely see as this continues, but Malcolm needs to learn how to apologize sincerely.

70s vibes! 70s vibes!

Them kissing and talking about criticism and dreams makes me miss a partner. A partner that I've had and haven't had.

Women really are behind every great man.

Yea sir you fucked a happy moment.

Oh visual allegories for looking in from the outside and cat and mouse chasing and looking from the outside in.

She's saying she doesn't feel noticed by you.

Gas lighter :0 he called her an emotional support dog, bruh.

I would LOVE to co-write or take a writing class held by Sam Levinson. The fights i write are very much in this same realm of reflection and anger and monologue.

Sam.....sam.....are all the sides inside of you doing okay sir?

The ugly side of dating and being in a relationship with someone who struggles with their own demons.

Honestly I could close my eyes and listen to this script being read without seeing these characters visually. Just close my eyes and get a sense of these characters like it was a radio story.

Oh. Oh this is a new wheelhouse of Zendaya acting; a different voice is like breaking through here and her expressions aren't the same we are used to. You can literally hear another character in there....hmm.

Mans is outside really fighting with his invisible demons lmfao.

Selfish ass, how after everything she said you came out of it thinking about your own craft and self instead of how you hurt her.

So she's conditional.

Me: did sam (a white man) say nigga this many times in his script or are the actors adding their own inflections. Not just the lingo used but the topic of race and directing etc. being written by a white writer about black characters is always gonna be a critique when you're writer is a white person.

Alexa play Broken Girls by Saba

He is so hurtful.

A clown nigga a clown look in the fucking mirror you bozo head ass looking like you need some Mehron clown white and a size 16 in clown shoes.

John is doing a really swell performance and reading of these lines.

He is reading her for her insecurities by bringing up his experiences with other women and that.....is yikes.

Arguments can get messy like this in real life but it takes a lot of maturity and control to either not let it get to this point or have a healthy conversation afterwards.

This film is really shot on some very crisp lenses.

They sitting there like 🚬🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️.

Leftover Mac and Cheese and unfinished cigarettes.

The nyt etc. pay walls are so annoying, but there is a work around look at the articles on incognito or add a period at the end of the url.

He sounds like his daddy so much here, weird, this is the only part I'm eh on the dialogue it feels real but a bit out of pace in how they are bouncing off one another.

Nail scissors? So the end is not the only part he based off of Marie. 🙄

ITS A GOOD REVIEW YOU DINGUS but also its a full review they are going to critique things. She isn't wrong though he did profit off of a woman's story that was not his own to profit from.

Yes Malcolm because unfortunately all marginalized people look through a lens of life that is inherently political because of the world they live in.

He is so mad and upset and had a lot on his chest. But I think he Malcolm and Sam are talking about something thats an issue and a non issue. Being critiqued for you art is hard but also Malcolm is not super self aware. He's like a stand in figure of for example rich depop sellers who wanna be oppressed so badly they yell at others instead of examining their own personal behaviors and ethics.

Oh Marie, when you know the spark is gone and you pick fights because.

He ain't even ask her to read?

One critic I have for most of hollywood actors is they learn their cry and that is it. A change from this is Margot Robbie, I adore her fluctuations of crying being similar but the crying is carried differently for each character. If I had to say any actor that does a cry scene amazing its this woman right here (Amy Adams)

You stole her story from her and gave it away, she has a right to be upset and angry and a rubber band ball of emotions.

Citizen Kane, not the cinematography, but the story is it even that good? (Unpopular opinion but meh, maybe in my rewatch it will be better.)

But that is what people want authenticity and whatever authenticity means to them. What is real for one is false for another.

To be honest look at the criticism of Euphoria, well earned, but a lot of people were like this isn't real even though he literally wrote about his own life. People said it was inauthentic like....wtf.

Ahh the smoking is just a habit, he quit and she didn't.

CAST ZENDAYA IN A HORROR MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. Get Lupita and Zendaya and some more black actors preferably less known ones in a horror movie. One with a interesting script and story, directed by Regina King. Please and thankyou.

I love Marie yep that was amazing.

Behind every great man is a greater woman, one that deserves her credit for how she has stood behind. I wonder the stories of those women, what they have sacrificed or not sacrificed. Their thoughts and feelings when the world is surrounding their partner and views them as a plus one. (I'd write a short script about this but I think do I have the time, can I, or am I equipped ?)

He is a shitty person for bringing up his exes, like she even said I don't wanna know any of that.

Imagine being on anti depressents and rarely having a sex drive and then when you do your partner starts talking about their exes and tearing you apart for all your faults.

I love when you see peaks of Zendaya's cadence in roles.

Tension, what if's and he didn't even bring her up in his speech.

Marie to herself and the audience:

He is not afraid that he will loose her but as my character says in my unreleased story, "i can't wait til you give me a fucking reason to leave your ass." Malcolm expects everything in order for not even doing the bare minimum and she is only asking him for something as simple as consideration. She just wants him to be considerate. He wants to get married and considers their relationship like rolling down a hill at full speed and he cannot apologize, he cannot be considerate, and he cannot admit his wrongs. He can only offer her I love yous that he probably does mean but he does not back up outside of what he's done for her in the past. The past which was more of her experience than his and he sees his part in it as a burden. He doesn't use his own vantage point of the past to further his career he uses her. He does all of these things without a real apology or thankyou because he is not afraid to loose her.

The restrictions of quarantine and the panorama have made Sam's writing very no frills. I wonder how other films from other directors and writers that are filmed in small contained crews like this will be structured. But this was a very good movie gonna add to my letter box 3.3-3.5

Oh shit this is my song,

Ratings/overall thoughts:

Script is like a C+, B- : I could go into my heavier big brain thoughts on the script but I don't feel like it. You catch hints of it above it centers conversation on race and privilege, mainly the writers and questions i have that won't be answered but Sam did make me grow disdain for Malcolm over a short time. Which is sometimes hard to do because im one sympathetic person but the sympathy i have for Malcolm is at 0. Maybe a 2 at some scenes but then it quickly goes back to 0. Some parts of the dialogue miss the mark or hit the are off balanced. While some of it like Malcolm's bathroom speech albeit mean is really strong or their conversation when he comes back from peeing really shines for me.

Performances: B+ to A- because they carried the script further than it could of gone with less talented actors. The monologues do well to showcase their current skill levels which are already high af and leave room for anticipation in where these actors go next.

Zendaya holding a knife: A+ with a gold star. That switch on and off and on is delectable.

John being a shitty boyfriend but following Marie like a lost puppy: B+ with a good job written at the bottom of the paper, Malcolm being nervous a frantic dialed up with more realistic nervousness would have sold me completely on Malcolm's anxious waiting.

Cinematography: A and a participation award.

The mac and cheese: A+ for the easy mac. Wish it was like Annie's or Velveeta.

Cigarettes: Participation award and their picture hung up for student of the month. Why the grill lighter? Everytime Malcolm opened up his mouth Marie was like sparks fly.

The music: A++ with a prize. Whoever picked the music probably makes good Spotify playlists.

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!

[trulymadlysydney]

Ahhh I did see the paramount+ episode! And girl what they showed with josh and Shannon was nothing compared to what they used to show in the early uk version seasons lol. But still pretty wild! I like how Shannon was like I don’t kiss and tell then proceeded to go into explicit detail about how he ate her out with the girls like girl good for you but uhhh are you sure you wanna share that? It was funny how josh was like sorry mom. I try to not like him but honestly the man is growing on me.

And slade? Oh my god dude I was so sad bc he seemed like a genuine guy and I really hope everything is okay. But I think that ensures javonnys safety and honestly thank god bc if he left I would’ve been so sad.

I completely agree about Isaiah. Especially bc he went to Aimee straight after he and cash agreed they weren’t working. Which to me was also bullshit when he said he was forcing it with her but literally the day before he told her that he feels closest to her?? Get outta here dude. I really want Aimee and Wes to work out they just make sense to me. Jeremy is a pile of garbage I don’t understand how so many girls like him. And I hate to say it but you’re also right about cash. Like I love her and all but sometimes she’s just… overreacting? I don’t know how to describe it.

And what about the pact at the end between Olivia and cash? I think we all know cash is gonna go for Wes but what about Olivia? I have this theory that she’s also into Jeremy especially bc in one of the drop episodes she had to kiss someone during that challenge and cash told her you should kiss Jeremy and basically told her to go for it. And let’s not forget Jeremy said he’d pick her to have a threesome with in yesterday’s challenge. I just don’t think Olivia is as into javonny as he is into her unfortunately. But maybe I’m wrong who knows I just have a gut feeling about it.- E

Anonymous asked: Oh and sorry I totally ignored your question but I do think they’ll be casa amor this season! I mean I don’t see why not but yeah it’ll be absolute chaos. If it happened tomorrow we all know that Isaiah will graft on every girl until one shows interest and probably the same goes for Jeremy. Those two need to LEAVE -E

-----

Putting this under a cut because it's long as shit kdlajfs;kj

Omg SERIOUSLY?! GOD like I thought the Josh and Shannon thing was lowkey porn but now I'm intrigued lmfao. Honestly I'm glad they went to the villa. I have such mixed feelings about both of them, like I feel like Shannon STAYS stirring the pot which is... annoying but also like? Idk I hate to love her lmfao. Also YES LIKE UGH I DONT WANT TO LIKE JOSH AND SHANNON BUT I REALLY DO. I know they're not going to last outside the villa (like... they will but not for very long lmao) but they're good together for now.

I AGREE I REALLY LIKE SLADE AND I KNOW THAT IF I WERE IN THE VILLA HE'S SOMEONE I WOULD'VE GONE FOR IN A HEARTBEAAAAAT. I hope he's okay and I'm glad everyone was nice to him even though he was only there for like, what, one night? I agree though. I want Javonny to stay and I can't believe how much I'm starting to like him and Olivia.

Yeah idk where they found these fake ass men for this season f;dlafj;ls but Isaiah is bugging me. I feel like you can just tell exactly the type of guy he is in the outside world-- like he KNOWS he's pretty and he feels like he can get whatever he wants because of that. Fuck outta here lol. Also THANK YOU IM SO GLAD YOU AGREE LF;KDSJF LIKE Cash is still my favorite but like.... the villa doesn't revolve around you baby, not everything is a personal attack.

ALSO I cannot express how much I want Aimee and Wes together. God like every time he opens his mouth I'm like SWOONING. He's a dream, and I think he would treat Aimee the way she deserves to be treated. I feel like Cash and Wes are a weird match tbh. Wes even came into the villa ALL about Aimee right from the get go, but we fucked it up because we all voted for Cash to get a date dalkjf;dslkj and now he's like "Cash surprised me" or whatever. LOVE miss Cash but Aimee is a much better fit with Wes.

The pact has me nervous lkdfaj;djlkds like I feel like they're going to end up screwing themselves over. Although I think it'll be interesting to see Olivia finally like, putting forth effort to get a guy lmao. I hadn't thought about her and Jeremy but I actually completely see what you mean... when he kissed her as part of that "threesome" question I legit gasped. I think Javonny is really into her and he's trying so hard, but I feel like she's stringing him along and forcing herself to be like "no I'm into him kinda I guess."

CASA AMOOOOR PLEASE I CANT WAIT FOR THOSE EPISODES IF THAT'S REALLY GONNA BE A THING!!!!! I can think of quite a few people I want OFF the island. Bring in some fresh faces PLEASE!

[costellos]

LOL A 401K IM DEAD but honestly...... tru

all that tax stuff, retirement plans.... nanami’s got it covered. and then there’s gojo, committing tax fraud 🤧 i’d compare gojo to salt as a seasoning but that’s kinda mean, he does have some flavor. like, sugar probably suits him better?? sweet, can be addicting, but bad for you if have too much of it 🙈 AND THEN NANAMI. man’s the whole spice rack, he wouldn’t have it anything less since he loves food so much 😤 he is, as we say, umami personified 🤌

yeah, it’s unfortunate lmfao but oh well. i do occasionally have them in a smoothie though, like you said!

alsjfhsha it’s def time consuming.... like i’d be sitting down w my family and when i’m finally done picking it all out, they’ve finished eating welp 😭 and yeah, the rational part of me knows that, but i’m that person someone has to go up the service worker for and be like “excuse me she asked for no pickles” (except i didn’t 🙈) i’m much better in restaurants bc the language barrier isn’t as intimidating so i will tell them to leave out an ingredient if it’s something i can’t easily take out

mmmmm i can see that! he’d be the guy who’d eat pizza with a fork and knife wouldn’t he lol. and dab all the excess oil off w a napkin. he probably only goes to the Legit pizza places too haha but i think if he likes you enough he can be convinced to eat almost anywhere

ofc!! ask games are more fun if it goes both ways 😌 and ooooo tsumu! interesting...... 👀 those are honestly such good date ideas w a guy like atsumu! that’d rly be smth he’d enjoy and ngl the moment i read ‘something physical’ i immediately imagined y’all racing LMAO. he’s a prime example of how competition can be good for you w the right person, so i can see you filling in the space osamu left after he decided to focus more on his food aspirations. like imagine making cute lil bets w him and the loser having to do what the winner wanted hehe. omg a double date w the miya twins would be sm fun tho??? from my impression of you so far, i definitely trust you to keep tsumu in line lmfao so catch me there. me and osamu are the ones spectating and judging your guys’ competitions and cheering you on to beat atsumu like we’re olympic commentators or smth LOL

aaaaa i’m honestly p shy but if anything can get me to come off anon, it’d be nanamin 😂 (it’s like we’re todo and yuji bonding over their shared type but w nanami skdjfjsjsjs) let me know if you prefer to keep it here or on discord and i’ll give you my account, whichever platform you like better! also congrats on 1k! much deserved!! 🎉

cut for length!

A;LDSKJ GOJO WOULD COMMIT TAX FRAUD. lmao salt is a lil mean!! sugar is more fitting <3 sugar is also used for more fun foods, and I feel like it matches him bc of his sweet tooth. but Nanami........ o lawd. definitely the whole spice rack yes. 100% agree. pls I would use him in everything. wait was that a weird thing to say?

ah I totally understand! well, u got this friend. the next time u go out for Mexican food, I’ll be there cheering for u in spirit!!

and yes.... ugh... I don’t think he’s particularly picky, he’ll try anything. he just doesn’t like foods that are excessive, if that makes sense? like what you were saying with the grease. I think he’s more the type to like subtle flavors. an obnoxious meat lover’s pizza from The Hut would be a no go, but he’s down for a, quote, Legit Pizza Place. the kind of Italian restaurant that’s authentic! but let’s admit it, by that point it wouldn’t even technically be “pizza.” authenticity comes with a price :’)

ty friend you’re far too kind 🥺 AND PLS YOU’RE MAKING ME BLUSH OVER MY LAPTOP HHHHHHH. I would love nothing more than to fill the Osamu-shaped hole in his heart once they both go into their separate careers. and god..... don’t encourage him. or me. I would definitely make bets w him. and I would win. but thank you sweet anon, I would do my best to keep him from annoying the shit out of you!! it would be an honor to have you and Osamu comment on our tomfoolery. 👉👈

MY GOD I WAS ABOUT TO KEYBOARD MASH AGAIN. we’re definitely Todo and Yuji.... u like Nanami and so now I’m obligated to imagine a whole life we coulda had together in high school together. even tho I graduated five years ago. and I’m assuming you did some time ago too since you mentioned you’re old...... lordt. anyway! thank you for the congrats!! I would love to discuss more headcanons and such w you over Discord! dm me and I’ll add you so that we can sob over Nanami’s absence in the anime <33

nanamin date anon said: me, rewatching eps 9-13 on replay until the new episode comes out: hahaha i love all the jjk characters equally! nanamin and *looks at smudged writing on hand* the extras

lol i love them all rly, it’s just super refreshing to have an adult like nanami in a shounen

haha yeah, i’m definitely glad i’m not the oldest (bc that’s way too much responsibility for me, idk how they do it) so being player 2 as a younger sibling isn’t too bad, especially since it’s the story that i’m usually more interested in rather than the gameplay itself. i don’t have to worry about remembering which buttons to press in a fight when i can just watch the plot play out lol. (it’s definitely a good game, i just suck at the controls 😅 my brother let me play a bit and i couldn’t get the web swinging down i was struggling so bad aslfjjfsjak) what sort of games are you into? 👀

even if it’s boring to some ppl, watching is a good way to experience the game for yourself as well, esp if it’s a single player game! ofc i do tend to prefer multiplayer games, but it’s not too dissimilar to watching someone play a sport tbh. AND NO KENMA IM PRO-SIDEQUEST LIVE OUT YOUR COMPLETIONIST DREAMS. if we gotta fetch that dude a super rare item to unlock his backstory we MUST do it ok

YEAH! mikorin is also voiced by noya’s va! it’s honestly a shame gsnk didn’t get a second season, it’s so good 😔

me: lol does that mean kuroo’s your tomoda

kenma: ok this date is over

LMFAOOOOO not my fault the popular choices are the ones that get you the good end 😤 and it’s all good, i’m also guilty of replaying to see how the other choices impact the story haha. if there’s no save system tho, i’d make him switch out w me every time we replay bc i’d zone out at all the repeat stuff (bless games that have a skip option 🙏)

UGH TELL ME ABOUT IT!!! ok so I love the other charas too but.... Nanami’s so good. so good. iono about you, anon, but I went back and rewatched his episodes from the dub and it made me Feel Things. and I agree, it is refreshing to see an adult like him in shounen. esp since he treats the kids like kids. and he makes it clear that their being kids is never a bad thing. I will reiterate: he’s so good.

ahhh friend that’s so nice!. your brother sounds really chill. plus it sounds like a good balance: you get to watch the story, and he gets to dick around!! win-win. and as for my fav games, I’m up for anything! I try to avoid co-op games like Overwatch bc I get too competitive and I’m a sore loser lmao (but they are fun!). the last games I played were the Last of Us 2 and Persona 5, two very different games, but stuff that’s a good time nonetheless. tbh as long as I can immerse myself in the story and there’s tons to explore, I’m down. what about you?? you’d kind of mentioned otome games and Animal Crossing, but I’m curious!

hm. interesting. that’s a nice way to look at it. I guess if it’s a really good game, it’s no different from an interactive movie! also Kenma would love that omg you’re going to save so many villages in the rpgs he plays w you.... gotta max out EVERYTHING. every side quest! every mundane task!! collect literally every feather!!! but I feel like he would pass the time by making idle conversation. like some dumb shit Lev had mentioned earlier that day. such a nice way to unwind at the end of the day, shit talking Lev w his fav person 😌

anyway! going back to completionist stuff: Kenma would have such a blast going back and replaying games w you! and yes bless games w a skip option hhh. thankfully he’d remember all your previous choices together, so he can help navigate where to go next. he has no qualms handing the controller over, I think he’d love to curl up next to you and analyze how you play! but I also feel like he’d be giving unwarranted suggestions....... thanks, Kenma.

also, about Mikorin’s va: WHAT. OH MY GOD. so many things to learn..... pls. indulge me w your trivia.

[malecftw]

Distractions

A/n: so this was an idea I’d been playing with for a while. It’d been sitting in my drafts for like a month and rn I was just feeling best friends to lovers, a slow cute fic sooooo that’s what came out lol tadaaa. I’ve never really written for David or the Vlog Squad before but let me know if you liked this, maybe I’ll write more in the future. Hope you like it :)

Word count: 1814

Warnings: Idk if Jeff being rejected counts as a warning but here we are, I mentioned the word vagina and idk why but in the context it seemed weird but also okay so yh lmfao y am i acting like im 12

Masterlist.

The LA air was soft and warm, making a strand of hair fall out of your loose bun and tickle your cheek. LA seemed quiet at this time of day, the sun was beginning to set, golden hour was upon you. Lana Del Rey was playing on the background, her deep, soft voice flowing out into the crisp summer air through the open windows. The smell of food made it’s way into your nose, your stomach beginning to rumble at the thought of dinner. Heath, Scott, and Jeff were having a beer at the barbecue whilst Jason was grilling the various types of meat. Kristen, Mariah, Carly, Erin, and Corinna were setting out white plastic chairs in a circle on the grass. Rosé was being spilled, laughs were had and a carefree feeling overtook you.

You still couldn’t believe this was your life. You were living in one of the most famous, loved places on earth surrounded by good friends who were always looking out for you.  Your daydream was cut short when you got nudged in the side. Your head turned around to see Zane standing next to you, leaning on the glass just like you were. “What’s up?” “Not much.” He nodded and directed his eyes to the skyline of LA. “So when are you going to tell him?” He asked, not taking his eyes off of the beautiful view before you. “Probably never.” Your nails clicked slightly against your plastic cup, preferring a soft drink before having a glass of wine with dinner. “Why are you so hesitant. You’re perfect for each other.” You shrugged, being uncharacteristically comfortable with the topic around Zane. “I don’t know. I’ve been flirting with Jeff. I’m just going to look like a slut if I fess up now.” He clicked his tongue at your answer. “Please y/n. You were never in a committed relationship with Jeff. Hell, you never even kissed. He’ll get over it. And we know you, none of us would ever put your name and the word slut in the same sentence.”

A sigh escaped your mouth yet you didn’t have a chance to reply when Heath called out to Zane. He quickly squeezed your arm in comfort before heading over to the boys near the barbecue. You pushed yourself off of the glass and made your way inside. Enough with the overthinking, it was time to make yourself useful. “Nat, can I help?” Natalie looked up at you, pausing mixing the dressing and the salad for a second. “Sure y/n. Could you bring this over to the yard, just put it on the table.” She said with a smile and pushed the salad bowl into your hands. You just nodded and did what she asked. The notification sound of your phone distracted you as you set the bowl on the table and while you quickly replied you felt an arm being swung over your shoulder. “What’s up y/n? Why so quiet?” Jeff said, a silly smile on his face as his eyes screened over your expression. “Not now Jeff.” You shrugged off his arm and started walking away when he grabbed your arm, concerned for your obvious distress. “Hey what’s wrong?”

“Is everything okay here guys?” David walked up, noticing your tense figure and Jeff’s already apologetic one. He didn’t even know what was wrong but was already stressed thinking he was the cause. You looked back and forth between the two guys. Life was playing another trick on you and frankly, you were sick of it. Why couldn’t you just go for the obvious choice? You had a beautiful man right in front of you willing to take things to the next level but no. Instead, you had to fall for the one dude that wouldn’t notice an eager vagina if it slapped him across the face. 

As you were having this inner dialogue with yourself the two guys still looked at you, confused by your off behavior. “Nothing is okay David, just leave me alone.” You headed for the living room and David took your words like a man. “What the fuck did I do?” He shouted as he ran after you. “Nothing. That’s the problem.”

“Wait what? Y/n what the fuck?” Of course, he didn’t get it. You hadn’t made a move since you were too busy distracting yourself with Jeff. “I just... Just... Just drop it okay. It’s about me, myself and I don’t worry about it.” “Sure doesn’t sound like it.” You rolled your eyes but were secretly grateful for everyone staying outside to give you some privacy. You even notice Nat sneak out of the kitchen, feeling the uncomfortable switch in the room when you walked in.

“Y/n. Just talk to me. Remember that time when you accidentally spilled glue in my hair and we had to shave my head? Didn’t snitch on you then. I looked like a bald man child. I still didn’t snitch. And let me tell you, it wasn’t a look.” David said in a cute attempt to make you feel better. “Of course you didn’t snitch. It was your own fault. Who the hell decided to smack my hands with their head while I was holding an opened bottle of kids glue.” “I’m sorry I forgot to turn on my spidey sense, else I would’ve known you were standing right behind me before I stood up.” “It’s not my fault you were shorter than me.” David placed his hands over his heart, jokingly looking offended. “Ouch.” He teasingly took a couple of steps closer to you causing him to tower over you. “Not anymore though. Now you’re tiny.” You look up at him, arms crossed, confused and annoyed by your feelings for the big man child in front of you. “Now, tiny, are you actually gonna tell me what’s up or am I going to have to keep you hostage until you do?

A pressed sigh leaves your lips. Now or never. His expression turns more serious when he sees your big eyes gloss over. “Hey whatever it is, we can work it out. You and me.” “I’m not so sure about that.” “Well I am.” “I just don’t want to mess things up between us. You’re my best friend.” David immediately knew where this was going and a wide smile formed on his lips. “And?” He said teasingly, eager for the moment in which you’d fess up the same thing he’d been feeling for a while now. “Ugh David you’re a pain.” You say as you softly poke his stomach with your index fingers. “But am I going to be your pain?” His voice has turned hoarse, excited yet on edge. He never dreamed of going there with you. He never had those feelings for you. Until one day, he started seeing you in a different light. He couldn’t pinpoint one moment, it just slowly happened. At first he’d thought it was a silly random idea his mind for some reason made up, but he couldn’t help but think about it from time to time. Then he started getting used to the idea of you two together. It grew on him. Suddenly it didn’t seem weird, it didn’t seem awkward. It just seemed right. But then you’d started flirting with Jeff and David knew he had no chance.

Until now.

You swallowed loudly, your hands pausing, staying put on his sides. “If you want to be.” He nodded slightly, it was the only answer he needed before leaning in. He paused, needing your permission. He needed to know this was it. That this was something you both chose. You slightly pressed your fingers into the clothed skin of his sides, allowing him to connect your lips. It’s wasn’t earth-shattering, it wasn’t filled with sparks and fireworks. It was sweet, soft and gentle. It was what you both wanted. Needed. It wasn’t filled with sexual desire or incredible passion. It was the confirmation you’d both been waiting for. You’d found your person. Ironically enough, he’d been there all along. Love was a big word, you’d known you loved David for as long as you could remember. But back then, you loved him as your best friend.

You both pulled away smiling like idiots. You could see the love and happiness on his face, but he also looked pensive. “So what about Jeff?” You nodded. Of course, it looked really bad. “I like Jeff. I thought I could learn to love him. I needed to learn to love him. I was still waiting for the click in my brain, but it never happened which is why I never took it to the next level. It wouldn’t have been fair to him. He deserves better than a girl whose heart isn’t really in it.”

David’s eyes moved from you to something behind you so you turned around. Of course, like in any other predictable movie or show, Jeff was stood right there, leaning against the window frame. Your mouth fell open, You wouldn’t blame him if he was angry even if he didn’t seem that way right now. “Don’t worry about it y/n. It’s okay.” His thick New York accent filled the room. In a few big steps, he was stood right in front of you, looking to David quickly before grinning. His arms wrapped around your neck and kept you in a playful headlock, messing up your hair as he laughed. “You respected me enough to not go there with me. I appreciate that. At least now I still get to tease you and prank you. David’s lost those privileges.” Relief washed over you. This was the most drama-free ending to this situation you never thought you’d get. 

David put his hands in the air, looking happy and relieved as well that things went as smooth as they did cause let’s face it,... They rarely do. “Hey, as long as I get to film it that’s cool.” He said laughing and you smacked his chest. Jeff let go of you and shot you and David a smile before joining the others in the backyard. David sighed as he took you in his arms, looking down at you before bringing both of your attention to your intertwined fingers. “You ready baby?” He asked, voice high and excited to show off what had been his for the longest time but never really realized until now. You nodded and slowly made your way into the backyard. Jeff probably already told everyone since not a single soul seemed to question what had happened.  “Yes, baby girl you finally did it!” Zane shouted, holding up his beer and everyone cheered.

The smiles on each one of their faces only made it more clear to you.

This had never been a matter of if. 

This had been a matter of when.

[thegeminisage]

Hoiii !! 01 / Pride and Prejudice ; 02 / Morgwen ; 003 / Ian Comb :3

THANK YOOOU u were the only one who sent one

from this meme:

PRIDE & PREJUDICE

Favorite character: well obviously it’s lizzie bennet who according to that personality quiz i am a lot like, so

Least Favorite character: for the first half of the movie it was darcy LMFAO now i think it’s that creepy preacher guy who proposed to lizzie out of nowhere

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): p&p doesn’t have that many ships so i can’t really answer this one...i liked lizzie/darcy in the end tho lowkey bingley’s sis and lizzie had some huuuge gay energy

Character I find most attractive: KEIRA KNIGHTLY NO CONTEST

Character I would marry: oh i’d marry darcy for that cashmoney 

Character I would be best friends with: i don’t know her name but the goth sister that inspired jane eyre

a random thought: what stupid fucker has a STATUE of himself IN HIS HOUSE? darcy what the fuck. oh also we call him mr. darcy so like whats his first name. i know its fitzgerald but doesnt he have another friend with that name. it didnt occur to me to ask until after the credits

An unpopular opinion: i don’t think i have one except for how i think the bust is stupid. also i don’t think that youngest sister should have married that gambling soldier dude but Values Were Different back then. i couldnt figure out why everyone was so relieved at first like GIIIRL she deserves better

My Canon OTP: lizzie/darcy obvs

My Non-canon OTP: goth sister/let her play the piano

Most Badass Character: LIZZIE

Most Epic Villain: darcy’s weird fucking aunt who came in like a wrecking ball at the end

Pairing I am not a fan of: probably that youngest girl and her fuckboy husband

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): GOTH SISTER

Favourite Friendship: lizzie and her big sis :(

Character I most identify with: gotta be lizzie, right. we even have a same name

Character I wish I could be: lizzie because now she’s rich with a husband who drinks respect women juice

MORGWEN

When I started shipping them: i think like in the first episode or one of the first episodes when gwen brings her flowers to cheer her up

My thoughts: im sooo angry at the lack of good morgwen after The Poisoning morgana had NO REASON to turn on gwen and i think gwen was probably the only person she would have let pull her back from the edge but no we can’t have THAT

What makes me happy about them: like it’s a very similar dynamic to merlin/arthur isn’t it...less antgonism for the same loyalty, devotion, and intimacy, the same need to keep it hidden from prying eyes, the same longing and Keeping The Magic A Secret and wondering if your nonmagical bae will still love you after it all comes out...

What makes me sad about them: everything involving morgana going evil :(

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: i can’t think of any trope that i see specifically with these two that bugs me...there’s a lot of things people do with gwen or morgana separately that drive me bananas but generally if it’s gwen SLASH morgana the author does right by them. i guess making them a convenient bg ship rather than a ship in their own right...like of course it’s convenient but they have so much to offer...

Things I look for in fanfic: morgana NOT being evil >:(

My wishlist: a BETTER season 3!!!!

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: i’m happy to shop gwen with arthur, with arthur and merlin at the same time, or with lancelot...uh for morgana really there’s only one person i ship with her and it’s gwen! so!

My happily ever after for them: reverse stockholm beauty and the beast style. when morgana captures gwen she thinks she’s gonna brainwash her but what actually happens is that gwen is kind to her and the gap between them disappears and they fall in love all over again and morgana is like i must FREE you and gwen is like i wanna stay with YOU anyway they get married and help return magic to the world

IAN COMB!!! ah bless this boy

How I feel about this character: BABY. BABY BOY

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: BRIGITTA ONLY they were made 4 each other babey

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: i like to think the alpha djinn just lets him live because she thinks he’s really funny. i definitely think he’s really funny

My unpopular opinion about this character: all my opinions are the popular ones because i’m co-creator

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: just...more of him. i miss him

Favorite friendship for this character: aw ian and ben. what a pair of dumb fucks. not a single brain cell between them

My crossover ship: so this doesn’t count as a crossover but as for characters he never met...conceptually ian/jesse would be Incheresting

[unproduciblesmackdown]

@merkleymrack yeah the jeremy renner parallel continues because i don’t think his writing is horrible or anything, but it’s like. not That good and imo really overhyped. like, i’ve always found it Readable for sure because there’ll be good moments mixed in and like, usually suspense enough to power through, but there’s kind of repetitive Underwhelming Elements where it’s like, could you have tried harder here? been a little more creative?? it’s part of why i feel like plenty of stuff would be better as short stories. that, and i’ve read a short story of his that i liked better overall than novels of his. and yet the short story Still dragged on too long also, sooooo many “twenty bucks says it’s self-insert” moody lonely cishet dude protagonists. and he writes women unsurprisingly badly iirc and like, wild that his first novel was So all about women but also like, yeah that makes sense. all these high school girls are Bitches and/or Stupid and everyone just keeps absolute handfuls of menstrual supplies on hand in the locker room and has anyone in their life referred to using a tampon as “plug(ging) it up”?? was that a thing whenever stephen king was in college? anyways and then there’s the Nice Girl and the Nice Mom-Type Teacher and the Crazy Woman and carrie self-destructs. i question his commentary on misogyny and overall i’d probably drop a lot of my grudge here if he didn’t write women like he does for example the first book of his i read (like a whole decade ago or so) was salem’s lot? not The most popular i guess and it’s like, a vampire comes to a small town and the isolation / insular nature of said small town means that like, it just picks people off one by one and nobody notices b/c it’s just treated like scandals that people will whisper about but not really do anything about. which like, there’s the usual somewhat interesting premise, (also Protagonist being like, haunted by something he saw as a kid that freaked him out and idk what the parallels there were or weren’t) but god it’s a really long one and it really dragged on. and the ending was underwhelming for as long as it was. and anyways one of my main annoyances was that Moody Lonely Protagonist Man meets some helpful understanding supportive Woman Love Interest and she sparks his interest in life some more and they just up and fuck in the middle of a yard or something at some point (weird unnecessary sex scenes are also a usual feature once or twice a book when the protag is a moody lonely protagonist, but if he’s married it’s like “yeah the sex was alright but also just kind of hollow and routine and [weird descriptions of bodies]” but here it was like, oh she’s attractive and younger and this is so great for my morale!! and then like a chapter later this love interest lady ventures helpfully into the vampire nest mansion and gets caught and then protagonist man eventually ventures in too and she’s a vampire and he has to stake her and is so sad about it. and i was like, christ this sucks and not in the way i’m meant to think it sucks. and i’ve never known his writing of girls / women to get better or more complex (or of guys....or of....like, the story.....) and i didnt read anything else of his for like half a decade cuz i was hardly bowled over, but one summer i was just reading a lot and Giving Things A Shot at my local library so i read a handful all at once. which included like, carrie (fine), misery (eh), the shining (alright) and pet sematary (maybe my favorite that i read? but wild of him, when he’s usually perfectly satisfied to repeatedly write about vague lore like “this hotel is a malicious and sentient entity” and “there is a god in this cornfield that demands sacrifice” and etc, to just carve up his own terrible understanding of Ooh Indigenous Cultures’ Spirituality....Spooky) and maybe one or two more. evidently readable enough for me to power through, but not even enjoyable enough that i wanted to continue from there, and to this day i’m like, well there’s sure worse things to read, but i’d rather pick something i’d Enjoy More than all this stuff with his repeated exasperating plot elements and the same man over and over and over obviously i was kind of going for his Better Known shit cuz i figured that’d give me the best sampling (i’ve seen carrie and the shining but that’s all movie-wise, i think) but It is so fucking long and i was remembering dragging myself through salem’s lot like eugh no thanks, i’d have to Really want to read that to power tf through. and then i definitely ended up just too unimpressed after all of that. and then once on twitter a mutual was talking about his books including that one and said something about “interesting take on childrens sexuality” and i was like oh god i. what does that. oh god [my impression of his œuvre flashing through my mind] and did Not look into it until i assume whenever it was that that first remake came out and someone brought up What Specifically That Meant and i was like [deep breath] [my loudest continuous scream ever] and i’d punch him over that. and whichever editors were like yep alright let’s get this printed. christs Fucking sake like yeah there’s enough decent stuff in his books to make them readable and like, he can build suspense (or at least have suspenseful scenes) and enough momentum that it can be enough to get through the shit that just drags on and the moments that are like, for gods sake. it’s not like, sheer torture or complete regret by any means, but i also wouldn’t say it’s Must Reads or really recommend anything to anyone with any enthusiasm beyond “well parts of it will be somewhat enjoyable i’m sure” and he sure doesn’t deserve to be like, *The* Horror Writer for sure. i read stuff as a kid that like, i probably wouldnt find as impactful now, but that i still think involves better horror. shoutout to john bellairs. totally just gonna compile a Haters List lmfao like, im always bad at thinking of stuff off the top of my head but there’s all these people who i just immediately go UGHH goddd about & could go off on a decent annoyed rant about on a dime with enough pettiness to make it fun.

[someobscurereference]

im very into the 3H hype now as well, but i have missed your FE14 talk more than i can say lmfao! any plot ideas/headcanons/other concepts that have been nagging you lately and that you want to share? (i know i just specified fe14, but 3H is also fine !) if not though thats okay, and i hope you have a nice day! :D

Aw, I missed it too, anon! That was the downside of closing my ask box. I was assured I wouldn’t see any spoilers before I wanted to, but I was sorry to put a hard pause on any cool questions anyone had to ask. I don’t normally have any HCs that I get on my own (since they’re usually tied into the plot of any given fic I’d wanna write and usually not a “this is how I Always with a capital A think about X”), but let’s see about upcoming plots! I’ve left you guys hanging for a little while now.

Mafia AU

Firstly, I’m probably going to be actively working on Mafia AU with @kimium again in the next few days. Holy cow, seriously, she has the patience of a saint with this AU. I could not ask for a more understanding person to be writing that with, because I have not been looking at the Mafia AU or really much writing at all in Forever. Granted, I was very busy with real life stuff and final projects/work as my study abroad was coming to a close, but I probably would have been understandably annoyed if I had to be partnered with myself for that too because I have been So Bad. Like, Very Bad about writing! So thank you, @kimium, for your kindness. You deserve a reward. Seriously.

(Did anyone notice that I wrote less fic when I was in Japan? I sure did! I felt bad about it, but while I loved being there and all my classes and friends, I really had no energy or time for anything that didn’t immediately pertain to university life in some way. My hobbies all got put on a big hold while I was over there. But I’m back now! And am working on making more time for myself for creative outlets!)

Spooky FE14 Fic

Also, I have another FE14 Spooky Horror Fic that’s on the way! With all the FE ships you know I love to write! Probably… somewhere between ½ to ¾ths done? Including blocking for future scenes, I’m at about 37K word count right now. That will go up as I take the blocking and turn it into actual dialogue and narration and stuff, lol. It’ll still be a while before I’m done though. I’ve had this thing sitting in my drafts for literal months and haven’t been able to work on it in a while. But I want to very badly!

I’m trying hard to make this spooky fic different from my previous fics. I don’t want to spoil too much, but I am actively trying to make sure I have a few different dynamics than who I paired up in Dark Things Grew (which you should check out if you like spooky stuff!) and also more getting together than established relationship. Also more, like, having real flaws in relationships and as people? But we’ll see how that works out, haha. It’s my first time writing a lot of things, so it’s a little new to me too. And spooky in the “oh no, what if people don’t it when characters are, like, realistically an asshole?” But I want to to be good! And I think you’ll like it! Or at least some will, haha.

FE3H

I sat down trying to write some FE14 stuff earlier, but I think the 3H bug really bit me because when I tried to write, something just wasn’t clicking right. And I just kept thinking about some of my 3H faves?? So I guess I’m halfway through a short-ish Caspar/Linhardt fic now, lol. (I also have a half-written Raphael/Ignatz in my drafts too, but I don’t know if I like it or not, so we’ll see if I ever come back to it. I’m thinking of that one as a warm-up.)

But it’s been literally a minimum of 2 years since I’ve written something that wasn’t for FE14, so getting to know new characters again is interesting. Normally I like to scan wikis and consume literally everything about a character before I write them so I write them as accurately as possible, but 3H is so new that a lot of that info is really scarce rn! So I’m nervous! But trying!

Also, because you asked about various things and I feel bad just naming upcoming, unfinished fics:

A Few Fic Ideas I Think About Often And Actually Have In A File On My Laptop Titled “FE Fics to Write” (much more on the real list)

Chef/Baker AU Owain! (I also talk to @kimium about this often. But also I know nothing about baking or cooking at all so like??? We’ll see if I ever get this one done, haha.)

AU where Owain (and maybe the others, but this is more Owain focus) is an Android but nobody knows it except him. (Slowburn Leo/Owain/Niles? And also maybe Nina and Forrest are there?? This one is also a little vague but it Haunts me)

I wanna write a fic like this one where Inigo made a deal and the price of Severa and Owain living was their memories except this time around it’s more of the aftermath and a little more magic is involved. Also, Owain/Inigo established relationship but Owain forgot. Also, Owain hates Inigo.

On that same line, I want to write a fic that takes place during the “Owain and Inigo Do Not Get Along” time period of their lives. I always write them as established friendship. But they legit were Not Friends in Awakening for a good part of their friendship. They would die for each other but also shove each other’s faces in the dirt if they could. I want to write that. Also maybe with hate romance.

Established Leo/Nlies Modern AU where Owain is their neighbor/someone they know who they sleep with on the regular. Owain thinks it’s all casual. Is it??? *Eye emoji*Insecure Owain? (maybe tied in with the above? maybe something else? mentioned in another fic I’m writing and I want to explore it more. He so easily has breakdowns in canon when Felicia and Severa call him weird.)

Can u tell I love Owain

Anyway, those are some of my top fic ideas and fic that I’m actively working on atm! I hope they seem appealing to you or anyone else reading this, lol. I’m trying to get back into the swing of things as I go! Definitely always feel free to hit me up with more FE questions anytime though! (Awakening, Fates, 3 Houses–it’s all on the table again!)

Thanks for asking!

[jooheonbot]

tumblr crush challenge

Rules: post your own favorite blogs to spread positivity and get your amazing blogger-friends some new followers!

oof ok,,,, i was tagged like a billion years ago but!!! im using this as an uh,,, excuse to make a thank you post for some of the amazing people that follow this dumb lil blog and that have made this year great!!! thank you!!! since im stoopid and write a lot im putting all this under the cut

but! before that! i still want to wish everyone a happy new year!!! thank you for making this dumb fuckin site more bearable and like,,, fun!! every single one of you is so cute and precious uwuwuwu i wish you the best

ok so im gonna go,,, uh,, in alphabetical order lmao??? i have barely truly talked to a couple of u but kshfkjdsf idk, i just felt,,,, like writing stuff,,,, about u bc i secretly love u sjkdkdf 

@boo-kihyun hannah!!! it’s been great talking to you and freaking out abt joo, that old fool, and mx in general rknjgkjd. it’s great to have someone to just. yell at when you’re dying at 5am or smth dkfjdkjgkjkl. i know you’re not on here that much but i want you to know that i really appreciate you a lot, and our conversations have been rly fun!! i hope youre doing well and i hope the new year treats u damn fuckin well!!! :*

@festiivebebe ahhh nao!!! you’re so nice!! i rly love your blog and your tags!! theyre such A Mood ksdjhfksd. i love how the 🤧 emoji is literally. yours??? whenever i see it on my dash im like,,, that’s nao,, and when it isn’t im liek!!! WHAT. you’re so cute and you seem like a super nice person uwu!!! ((says a fool who should like, talk to u or smth LMAO im sorry im liek this))

@hyungkyun OOF BINCH. the most annoying lil idiot on this site, probably. my obnoxious ass soulmate.  ugh!!!! it’s been a whole fucking year CAN YUO BELIEVE and yet,,, here we are, being annoying as all hell and talking nonstop wow. i love u sm bih ))): you have become such an important person in my life ): i enjoy talking to u even if it’s about,,, fucking clowns or food or literally,,, whatever lmfao. we rly bicker so much why are we like this jdfhsjdk we never shut the fuck up but im!!! so grateful for that!!! you rly mean so much to me :/ . honestly whenever we don’t get to talk it just ??? feels weird??? idk mayhaps,,,, when that happens i miss you,,,,, i miss a furry i cant believe... smh. guess :/// all thats left to say :///// is that ill love u always no matter what ://// u funky lil vampire cowboy ://// gross lol. i rly do love u a whole! fucking! lot!

@joohanis AJ QUEEN OF JOOBEBES. you are rly!! a fucking icon you’re so nice?? and kind??? don’t let me get started on how gorgeous you are every time you post selfies an angel is born (´:. thank you sm for bringing us quality content and the funniest tags ever, and,, overall,,, a rly nice vibe to this hellsite?? you’re so approachable and charismatic you’re really amazing!! thanks queen.

@kihyussy my one and only sun wife!!! miss ria!!! im so happy that we started talking again!!!  we’re both messes answering,, i promise thatll change on 2k19, now youll never get rid of me 😔! djhghj i rly love all ur messages you’re so entertaining and funyn and witty mdfgdhjfg,,, but you’re also the fucking sweetest!!! as a cancer should be ofc, i love ur soft lil heart 💕💕💕. i cant believe you’re really out there saying im gorgeous when no one is as stunning as you, miss ria wtf!!! ugh you’re such a cutie!!!! ily baby!!!

@prinzelee jazz!!! my beautiful coffee goddess gf!! i probably got the order of that wrong oh my god!!! you are SUCH a gorgeous human being, inside and out. i love your cute compliments and nicknames, and i love how much dedication you put to your writing blog. you really have a heart of gold. you are so kind and gentle, you also work so hard... you deserve happiness and everything good in the world!!! i hope 2k19 brings u peace and good vibes!!! 

@wonho-deactivated MDHDFJDH murr. you’re so fucking chaotic and ilysm for that djfhkjsds. ive honestly laughed out loud reading your messages and your tags bc theyre so fuckign funny how do you even think of all that you’re. fucking hilarious. i love your sense of humor and how you rly are out there living your best libra sun sag rising life!!!!! and being a goth!!! you’re truly an icon, even if you deny ur love for mistre fendiman :// i know the truth. smoochies for you and shermy, ily both!!!

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE TWO

“I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my position in the game.” - dem

HOH: Josh C UPSIDE DOWN: Nick & Joshua NOMINEES: Emma & Nash POV: N/A FINAL NOMINEES: N/A EVICTED: Dem (Expelled)

EMMA

I been struggling in this game which is sad i want to have fun but yesterday made me feel like maybe having a meltdown and leaving 90 percent of servers was a good idea for me i really hope not i just really want to have fun and win for some reasons i always have trouble prejury in games trying to find my footing but at jury and late prejury i always know how to rise ASDFGH the people i really like rn are Jakey loml jev loml aria queen saira queen and also joshua is easy to talk too!!! nathan is also great

DEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSgjyUhGTng

NASH

i simply think men should stop winning hoh and trying to nom me. its week 2 go target someone else j*sh. jev and i are cool now though <3 love him

DEM

I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my position in the game. I think I'm not in anyone's bad graces so far, which is good. But I really need to win one of these next HoH's so secure my social relationships. My plan moving forward is to see win HoH's. I want to win the next to HoH's I'm eligible in back to back. I also want to try to secure my relationships with Gina, Jev, and Jake. Those are three people I want to be close with in this game. Also maybe Joshua? He's pretty cool and chill.

SAIRA

I'm still getting a sense of how the game works but I feel pretty good, there are some people that are much easier to talk to than others but everyone is still so nice! i feel good about josh c as hoh! we get along pretty well and I don't THINK im in any danger but you never know! imma be honest, I don't have an actual plan, i'm mostly playing this by ear, just talking to people, bullying beck when the chance arises, and being myself! 

JOSH C

HELLO GIRLIES!

well, we won HOH and that's really EXCITING. i probably didn't need to win this week but i figured that i'd get a win under my belt while nominating people would still be EASY. i can establish trust with some people and get a "i didn't nom you, please don't nom me" situation going on. i also feel like the two people i'm going to nominate would have NOMMED me anyways because we just haven't talked..

who those people are? nash & emma. (vl don't hate me for only nominating women i didn't want it to come to this either)

but i just.. both of them have really only put in any effort to talk to me now that i'm HOH and i don't really LOVE that tbh. i've already told a few people that's who i'm thinking so i kind of accidentally locked myself in on these noms because there isn't any sense in throwing out more names than i have to!!

i have an alliance with kiki, brianna, jacob, jake, and aria. (i think that's the people in it? i wanna say that's right. LKFMSDG love this game for me) and i feel pretty good in that because i like all of them enough and they're people that will watch out for ME and each other. but i know my social connections go beyond that so i'm feeling pretty good with my spot in the game? i have a solid relationship with almost everyone in the game and i think i should be able to play a cute lil utr game for a few weeks. i don't think that i'll get targeted first if my alliance gets outed and if so.. i have ENOUGH faith in my comp strength and relationships to save me against MOST of the cast.

people kind of want me to nominate DEM because apparently he starts drama with people and has been a bit inactive. he's talked with me more than other people so im not super keen on throwing him on the block RIGHT AWAY but i'm thinking he's a good replacement nom because if people think he's MIA then no one other than him will be upset with me. maybe a backdoor? could be spicy..

i don't really know what else to say here so.. i hope this is enough! love u guys <3

BRIANNA

https://youtu.be/mJw3qxsZ-Bg

JEV

Okay so I feel like pretty comfortable this week because me and Josh have gotten pretty close and bonded over our mutual love of Lucas HOWEVER he's just let me know he's gonna be nominating Nash and Emma which isn't GREAT since I'm in alliances with both of them and they're the only 2 alliances I have so I really wouldn't want to see either of them go home this week, this SUCKS ASS

JAKE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt2xRQqqax8

ARIA

how is it ONLY week 2 i feel so hecking exhausted fhsabfd, but that might also be the fact that is 2 am so,,,oop. Um okay recap time!!!! Recaps are so hard because theres minor details that i still want to note without seeming super annoying so heres a minor list of things im noticing 

-Dem wants to "start playing the game" I told this to Jake (wish i could bold names ugh)

-Gina & dem told me they were gunning hard for hoh- i told nathan/monty/nick/,,,,and someone else this

-emma feels unconnected from cast

-Jake doesnt like Gina

-Josh likes Me Jev Kiki (told joshua)

-emma knows alliances are starting to form

-joey can get pwr hungry and chaotic + good comp ability

-told gnia my thoughts on the sides being "connected v unconnected" and other tidbits of info

-GIna (potentially joshua) doesnt like nash

-Nathan/Nash ARE CLOSE!!!!! WEE FUCKING WOO!!!!

-Told Jake that Jacob has the power (and the bs excuse he told gina pretending he doesnt have it,,,sure jan)

-jake is GREAT at lowering his threat lvl im sick

-Jev-Josh-Nathan-Nash all bonded p well on vc potentially an alliance

-jake tried to get gina nominated

-Emma Nash noms

-Jake doesnt want emma to leave

So,,,thats what you missed on GLEE! Honestly glee sucks but yeah thats all my info i would weave everything together with cute transitions but im TIRED and lots of this information doesnt really connect well so,,,have a bullet list! 

okok nvm heres some general thoughts bc JUST a bullet point list is so boringgg im honestly not too sure what i want to do this week bc i think emma doesnt have a lot of people (although she has jake apparently,,,she might just be putting up a front of being unconnected ffs) so i would rather keep her around based on our relationship alone esp compared to nash whose been busy w/ irl things to reply i think (nash would prob do gr8 in old school bb,,,but new school is a whole other beast) HOWEVER!!! I need to protect gina who isn't the best conversationalist (sorry bb ily but its true <3) and keeping nash around ensures people have another "inact" target besides her but also nash is such a god connection for people like nathan and jacob and i would rather get her out sooner than later before we have another renee on our hands ...

Also i havent talked to the pasio peeps (omg if we ever make an alliance,,,that should be the name hehe) in a while and idk if theyre distancing themselves or if theyre just busy fndsjafd god im too paranoid for this game its awful. Also i think i mentioned the alliance with josh kiki bri jake jacob last time and it still isnt made and im PRAYINGGG it never gets made bc i have SUCH an awful feeling like SIX FUCKING PEOPLE??? S I X?? THAT IS GOING TO FAIL AND BLOW UP!!!! but i cant say no to an alliance so here i fucking am :/ also im trying to think of my longevity in this game and like,,, idk im nervous. I mean ive mentioned going to the end with multiple people but i have such a bad feeling im gonna go out 9/10 as a big move and i REFUSE to let that shit happen, not on my fucking watch no sir!! Not sure what to do about it yet but i feel like monty in particular doesnt trust me and i need his ass OUT! or maybe not if he comes around but like??? sir pls talk to me- i mean this phase of the game is early im setting up the pawns for later, but before later theres gonna be a couple explosions of my game which i'll have to deal with,,, or maybe not actually i mean in my first org i did a really well mastermind game with it- nvm it did explode on me once FDBSHFDS yeah so theres gonna be an explosion period but i think im getting good at dealing w/ the backlash from it and reintegrating myself..

oh also yeah im safe this week lol

anyway sorry for rambling so much LMAO have a trust ranking!

1.Gina (MY QUEEN!!!!!!!! i LOVE her!)

-BIG BIG FUCKING GAP-

2.Jake (listen,,,my thoughts go back and forth but he did tell me the noms so,,,have some rights)

3.Saira (we never talk game but i dont think she talks with anyone about game beyond maybe nick and also shes nice and im a sucker for nice girls)

4.Emma (if this isnt all just a front shes gonna make a great number for me,, might need to fact check some of her statements tho)

5.Joshua (honestly? i love him hes so funny and i think he has my back although he could be more act)

6.Nathan (literally havent talked in 3 days but also i have a soft spot for him <3)

-GAP-

sorry the Js are just kinda scary lmao JFNSDKF

7.Nick (!! we gotta an actual connection folks!! heck yeah!)

8.Josh c (im safe! but he D E F trusts others more than me such as Joshua and Jacob)

9.Jev (honestly a king but hes a little quiet although his reccs are the BOMB)

10.Jacob (i know youre being sneaky,,,idk what youre being sneaky with but im getting the vibes)

11.Dem (might be weird but i think he trusts me? at least a little bc he ranted about losing to me so O.0)

12.Brianna (youre adorable and deserve the world but everyone likes you,,,is this how people view me omg fhsabfhds)

13.Kiki (youre SO hecking sweet and actually u probs have a connections to nash but we havent talked ANY game yet)

14.Nash (p,,p-please talk to me uwu)

15.Joey (i dont trust you at ALL! Why? good question-)

was that mean? sorry in advance ilyall but also its 3 am brain empty no filter

NASH

i think jev and nathan might end up being good allies of mine (inb4 betrayal)! despite the mistake he made nomming me, talking to jev has been lovely so far he's getting me into loona LMFAO. and i just love nathan's energy & i feel like as the season goes on i can see him winning comps. i'm excited :3 hope josh c does not end my existence this week

JOEY

I feel FANTASTIC about Josh being HoH. I’m making sure that others are coming to me about gameplans, and I’m making sure I don’t come off as too pushy or aggressive in PMs. With most of the players, I’m trying to give them all the same energy and hype. It seems kinda weird to say this, but I’m not concerned about being nominated at this point. What I need to ensure is building my social relationships with people outside the “Crackhouse”, and yes that big ol friend group moved to Discord in 20 minutes like 6 months ago. 

This is the first major game I’ve ever played with Skinny Nick(yes, I’m absolutely confused as to what to call them, I’m so used to calling Nick “Eve” that its going to take time to adjust.) Speaking of Nick, my social relationship with him is actually surprisingly similar. In the past, I felt as though it would be as “on-sight” as Tom & Jerry, and it actually isn’t turning out that way, which is surprisingly refreshing. Every day, I’m making sure I send Nick something different to diversify my social game with them. Yesterday, I asked Nick about his preferred streaming services for music and TV, and I discovered we have the same music service(Apple Music).

I’ve played one game with Monty before, but it was a disaster. We were in pairs, and it felt like we were on different planets. I did tell him to not worry about personal feelings when it comes to this game, because I compared the relationship of BB Netflix and the Crackhouse to the separation of church and state. I made that comparison because the two entities of church and state should never cross, but when they do it becomes disastrous, and I feel as though that same principle applies to this game.

Overall, I feel good, Emma may be going up on the block, but it shouldn’t affect me that much. We’re in the early stage, I want to make sure I’m good with everyone.

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFeox7LM1-E

JAKE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLkZ-BIIjTU

HOUSE MEETING

https://youtu.be/BZMorvWvyKY

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT WEEK 1 & 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc-iMpkfrdw&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=3&t=0s

[ohkimani]

(ignore this, im doing the icky ranting thing again)

after thinking about everything i just wrote about their whole situation...

im actually pretty grapefruit that t&a and i have gotten to this point where nothing is really like.....confusing anymore? i think we are very much used to the way we act around and toward each other and it’s nice, you know? like we actually video chatted for a while today and though i kept getting annoyed with how much he kept saying he missed me, i figured after him saying it the fourth time when the conversation got quiet, he really meant it. he says a lot of things that make me stop in my tracks but i just assume he says them to everyone but at the same time idk. i just dont have the anxiety i had before of “OMG WHAT ARE WE, WHAT ARE WE?!” because now it just seems like since summer came along, we’re doing like LDR things and im enjoying the distance a lot. im not quite sure why im enjoying it but it’s nice to remember who i am without a boy around me to worry about. it just seems like im always on high alert when he’s around because he puts me in some different mind space that im not ever in. video chatting and calling me after seeing a movie he thought i would like is fine because i guess a part of me registers the fact that i cant make eye contact with him. 

eye contact with him is the most excruciating thing i have ever experienced honestly. it doesnt matter what context it’s in. it could be us arguing over what movie to watch and staring each other down until one of us gives in, or it could be when he does the thing just before he kisses me when he just.....stares. it’s painful. it’s like...and undressing of everything ive felt, feel, or will feel. i feel exposed. i dont like that. i like it.....but it’s frightening as hell. i let everything out in different ways like drawing or even writing things like this, just throwing everything somewhere else. but when he just looks....it’s like he’s taking it all from me and i have no control over where it’s going or what he’s going to do with it. i claim to know him but he’ll probably always know me better. im a creature of habit and so is he but his habits arent typical habits. mine are things like “get stop stepping on my white carpet with your shoes on” or waking up early and softly playing music to keep me company until he wakes up. his habits are....making entire trip plans and soon making me realize they’re all daydreams or....i dont know.....he puckers his lips in his sleep a bit. but otherwise, there’s no system...at least not a real one at that. the distance has really helped me avoid having to figure it out though. 

he’s truly an enigma, a real spawn of his father....which is definitely another worrying thing about him. he seems so unbothered by the things in the headlines and what not, crack jokes, laugh about it, what ever. until he’s at my door in the middle of the night because he needs to talk about things he cant get out of his head. he doesnt deserve to see these things but what can he do, you know? it’s easy to forget, until he does that smile. the same smile he smiled at me all those years ago when he decided spouting the foulest sentence to a (barely) teenager would be allowable by her mother. who knew he would be back in my life after making me so afraid of so many things. 

but he’s not him and im still working on realizing that. he’s nothing like him. he’s better than him. he’s caring, gentle, playful, and light. of course he can be clueless but is there a single boy who has a clue? he’s a puppy...and that’s all i see. when he falls asleep on a movie he picked and i feel his breath on my neck, he’s finally calm. nothing can bother him or excite him. god is he excitable...but so am i so it’s okay. but my goodness. but he smiles so big and bright, the smallest compliment i give him can carry him for days. he’s so cute, he writes them on sheets of paper and puts them in his wallet. seriously. i didnt know this and i dont think he knows that i know. it was open and some of his cards and stuff were out of the wallet on my floor one morning so i was going to put it on my desk next to his phone. but when i went to pick it up, all of these tiny sheets had things on them like “5/8: that’s my favorite shirt of yours” and “6/1: you have such a nice smile” like....i wanted to cry dude. these small itty bitty things...

it’s been an interesting time. especially when allen suddenly fell back into my lap, and that other guy from undie run....it just felt so wrong talking to the both of them for some reason. probably because they werent him idk. i dont feel like he has any sort of claim over me but i dont really feel the need to talk to any other guy. especially after talking to allen for literally three days, i wanted to fling myself off of a building. he talks about himself so fucking much. and it’s not like him just venting about things and saying what’s on his mind, it’s him literally making everything about him. and he’s so depressed and it made me realize that it was our mutual severe sadness that kept us together for fucking what? almost a year? he was my longest relationship and all that time, i couldnt see it? we were catching up and i was telling him about my hospitalization and wanting to die and he starts trying to make it some sort of competition and telling me about how many nights he’s drunk himself into oblivion and wanted to die and how he shouldve gone to the hospital, blah blah blah and um like *nervous laughter* okay. idk. it feels like you cant talk to him about shit. anything you say is a jumping off point for him to make it about him. i dont get him.

i mean, when we were together, everything seemed so amazing until i realized i couldnt keep going. im still not all that sure what happened but i just couldnt anymore. i remember that nights driving out to the causeway and watching the sun rise over the water or long conversations about nothing, ice cream (even though i hate ice cream), beach runs, i dont know. it just felt good to finally be with someone who was just as weird as i am. i thought i felt that with gunner until i realized he was a toxic piece of shit. how he would threaten to kill himself and then not answer his phone for hours knowing he was too far for me to get to him and then suddenly he’d pick up on the last ring like “haha yeah i just fell a sleep” like in hindsight, honestly, gunner might be responsible for like some of the emotional damage i have now. how he would tell me the color red looks terrible on me and that my legs are too long and that my nose was shaped weird, etc. but i didnt see how terrible these things that he was saying were. i just saw it as him being funny but like....he really fucked me up. 

but she was something completely different. i had hooked up with girls before but i had never wanted more before her. she was pure light. she always had something nice to say and was always so genuinely concerned. our playful banter was so fluid and perfect. i had no reason to believe i would ever want anyone else more than i wanted her. she was pure autumn. sweetness from her unique style to her adorable cats. looking back, she was almost a dream. it was strange to me because we were a whole country a part but things escalated like planning meet ups and what not and idk...maybe it scared me. maybe the way she made me feel scared me and i had to have some sort of way to push her back. i didnt want to deal with the emotions that came with giving all of me to her. she was too good for me and i’ll probably always regret how i left what he had to shrivel up. but it’s too late now and ive learned what i needed to learn from that. she taught me so much....especially about myself. my biggest regret will always be using him to get you away from me.

and now here i am. floating. i could mention max (bless him) or treyvon or terrell or lee but.....such short lived flings ended by trivial things....would they really matter. i dont even know why i wrote all of this honestly i think i was just trying to make myself get sleepy. i have class in the morning lmfao

[survivor-islands-of-adventure]

EPISODE 11

So I really pushed for it and it happened, Madison is officially gone and that’s one less person I gotta suck up to. But now mark is pissed at me. WHY WOULD WE VOTE KAREN OFF. She does not have a strong game, she’s floundering, she’s a prefect goat to take to the end. But whatever! Be as mad as you want. I was trying to help us both. But you just wanna be a big MAN BABY because I’m not letting you run this game. Remember how I said I wanted to run this and take no prisoners- well it’s now in full fuckin swing. I’ll do anything to get to the end. Even if that means cutting off mark, my number one ally. I’m actually super upset because I feel like he won’t be my friend anymore and wow I need to stop rambling whatever goodnight goodbye Goodluck 

I did a confessional before i got a strike lmaoooo I won immunity bitches time for revenge in Madison’s name. I’d love to just take out Tracey’s boring ass this round but there’s bigger threats in the game and unfortunately she’s not a threat to anyone or anything ever so let’s hope we can actually flush stoners idol this round and take out dan or drew 

I didn't win immunity but i beat Drew the legend's score so im really happy about that. Tonight's plan is to tell people we're voting dan but actually vote drew, so I'm hoping it's seamless and not a fucking trainwreck like it has been. We're also trying to get Chris to use his idol. Lastly, im not sure i trust charlie atm. Mark wants her in on the Drew vote but im nervous that she might spill. 

mark brought up a good point, but pat could potentially play the sapphire idol this round or the next for a big move, and with the way the game is going, one of these two tribals is probably the time to play it to try and swing some momentum back in his favor while also making a big move to add to his resume. just ideas™ in my head

Another fucking mess vote. Will I vote Drew? Maybe. Will I vote Chelsea? Maybe. Am I getting blindsided? Maybe. Idk it just feels weird. I feel like people are talking a lot but not a lot at the same time. Like we’re all beating around the bush. Let’s hop to it ladies. I’ll proabbly turn on Drew this week, I hope that doesn’t effect anything with Stoner in this game or the other game I’m in with him.

I'm writing another log because I'm so nervous for tonight once again. Idk why but I'm skeptical about Pippa being included in our voting information because I think she is secretly spying for Chris. The other night I told Pippa that I might vote Chris and not even a minute later, he messages me saying "I heard I'm getting votes against me." Coincidence? Idk. I want to be able to network and work with people but I don't know who to trust. Pat and Mark are pretty cool, but even Sammy I'm a little bit worried about. On the same night with the Pippa situation, I got a message from Chris telling me that Sammy asked him if he would vote me. So, now I'm not sure if Chris was just baiting me to start a fight, or if Sammy might also be working with Chris. Fuck. 

This round is a mess but honestly, I’m like so here for it. I’m lowkey hoping Pat hits the bricks bc I told Drew he’s getting all the votes. I can’t wait to get voted out hahahahahaha. That would be so fucking funny. Everyone thinks Chris has the idol, but Drew does :~)

so this round has been very boring. Everyone is being predictable and sticking with their comfort.  However I really want to switch things up and stop giving Tracey stoner and Chris so much power. Tracey just keeps coming to me to get information and it's low-key annoying cause like obvs I know she is working w Chris and Drew.  Like she could be making power moves but she has not worked w me once and keeps like not going w anything I tell her. lmao whatever.

I feel like I have my little baby hands in every honey pot in this game. I’m the swing vote but I’m also deciding who it swings on. I’m letting Mark and drew think they’re picking who the vote is, but I’m whispering in their ears ehehhehe. Hopefully drew goes home tonight and stoner uses his idol

So uhhhhh last tribal was iconic skdndkndkdnd it actually worked and I'm still here ??????? Anyway nothing new has really happened so yeah :/ but um the others are flushing chris' idol and me drew and Chris are voting for Sammy. Also I need to keep an eye on dan because he still seems like a flip flopped skcjfkfnfj

CONFESSIONAL: This week is supposed to go smoothly. My alliance of sammy chelsea and mark is going well. I trust them a lot. With my alliance members getting voted out its easier for them to want to vote for me in the end. I miss madison but we have to keep moving forward to eliiminate drew, chris and tracey. i CANNOT STAND THEM. especially tracey. if she takes me out i will actually cry. No matter what happens atlast i have majority. and it seeeeeeems like people are noticing me and I realllllyyyy like that. Like if they keep going for chelsea and mark Its going to be amazing. This is literally how I won my BB game so I think this is a good way to get myself into the same position

OKAY SO SOMEHOW the concept of voting out madison actually worked?? Charlotte's interest in playing both sides was so incredible and useful in the last minute. Rip Ricky btw, i hope by the time this comes out, things are better for him. So the challenge was firedragon, which means i lost right the fuck away. So once again, a brilliant idol play was necessary. I'm bitter af that it couldn't be Chelsea ...but sammy probably was the better call. But now i'm stuck, F8, no idol, very little hope. It's nearing the end of the road but honestly making it this far is a triumph in itself.

SAMMY IS VOTED OUT

I’m shook. This is my third individual immunity win. My target is definitely growing but I still feel like I’m playing a reasonable game. I would love for Pat to use his Sapphire idol this week bc I would be safe regardless, but honestly Drew is the easy vote. The only thing that sucks is that he knows Pat has the Sapphire idol and if I flip, he could easily tell Pat or others about me telling him. I could do some damage control this week and tell Pat that Drew asked me if Pat had won the power and I said idk. And act like drew knew where everyone competed and it’s wideled down to Pat possibly having it. That’s a little risky but if it comes out that Drew told Pat I told him about the idol, it could save me and I can easily back pedal and say that Drew has a lucky guess. But at the same time, why would Drew lie if he was going out the door hnnnnn. It’s best if Pat doesn’t feel safe this week/thinks it’s gonna go to rocks. I think I could push a tie narrative by throwing Charlotte under the bus, but we’ll see. Regardless I’m going to the f7 and hopefully I have a solid group of 4 and maybe an idol of my own up my sleeve. 

Okay I literally forgot that prevotes are due tonight; not being in an alliance chat this round made things weird, but iIve been working with Pat, Dan, Mark, and Charlotte to find the idol this entire time. I'm gonna be voting Chris, Tracey, or Drew, but I guess I should be talking to people about that and not idol clues lmfao.

Trying to fucking explain to Pat how his own Sapphire idol works is like trying to explain not being racist to my Uncle Bill. It’s just not....happening. 

So!!!!!! Another tribal another person gone whew it sucka that it had to be sammy bc I actually wanted to work with him a bit but I gotta do what I gotta do to stay in the game. We had touchy subjects this round and I got most annoying which I'm sure I got bc I snapped in the tribe chat that one time JSJDJDJDJ and who doesn't deserve to still be here which is like ????? I get it!!! Y'all wanted me out for so long but you can't your way bc I'm smarter but w/e!!!! They can stay hatin ! I think I got most likely to get to the end and win or lose idk but I like my odds tbh rkdjdofnfk so this round will prob end being split 4-4 which is exciting bc it means we'll prob be going to rocks !!!! I'm nervous about being rocked out but hey at least it'll be exciting lol. I'm hoping after this round or next round to get dan out tho, he's playing a superb game and it'd be a great move to take him out t b h

Eek I really hope drew finally goes home! Glad I won funniest tbh! Haha! I’ll make a longer confessional later! I’ll prob be sent home tonight oh whale

I LOST THE CHALLENGE I DON'T HAVE AN IDOL This should spell death for me. It really should. it probably still will. But I have three people willing to vote with me, two willing to pull a rock for me. So far, at least. A lot of shit changes when the revote is upon us. There's also Pat's sapphire idol to think about. I'm honestly not expecting to make it through this round but if I do, there are only four rounds left to go. Four rounds, it's not that much. We're trying to vote Pat because making me and Pat both safe was the best way to keep Dan on board with the plan. That and the fact that he won immunity and wouldn't pull a rock. Also I got biggest threat and needs to go next. These whores really know how to flatter a bitch.

IM FINALLY VOTING TRACEY OUT.. too bad shes not actually going home bc Pat has the reward from the dark week. He started getting nervous with his name apparently going around this vote and only charlotte or dan would need to flip to cause rocks/send pat home. So Pat is safe with his idol but it cancels votes for the top 2 vote getters. So we had to maneuver the votes so Tracey is actually the second vote getter and Drew is the 3rd so Drew goes home. Me Dan Pat and Chelsea searched every name in survivor history on the blog for the clues to the idol, and then searched those numbers. We dont have it yet but should soon. Touchy subjects was interesting. Apparently i really am perceived to be running this game, not sure how that happened. But hopefully if i get to the end after "running the game"  since merge thatll make up the lack of social game i have compared to some of the people left in the game.