#i probably won't delete this but yeah

[dumplingsjinson]

sooooo, i know i said i wasn't going to post anything personal, at least in regards to my dating life, on here but lo and behold! i'm a liar, but the person who found out about this account might never go onto my blog again (if you're here for some reason then hi? idk why you'd come back here but okay. i hope you're okay. and if you're not, i hope you will be okay. and also, this is NOT about the long distant guy that maybe one or two of you are familiar with). so, here goes: we broke off whatever it was that was going on. i don't like them back that way, and i don't see myself liking them back that way in the foreseeable future.

so we broke it off on good terms.

we're not going to talk anymore, and it definitely will take time getting used to since we did text back and forth everyday for the past two months, up until today. it will take time to get used to not seeing their name on my phone constantly, or waking up to their messages, but it'll eventually go back to how it used to be, when we never spoke before.

i admittedly do feel a little empty as of right now, which is a me issue entirely. maybe i'm dealing with the sadness of losing a connection i've made with someone? maybe i don't deserve to feel this sadness. i don't know. there was definitely a bit of a connection there, though ephemeral, even if it wasn't a romantic one. i think (i know) i'll be okay, and i really, really hope they'll be okay, too (because rejection doesn't feel good. it's never an easy pill to swallow, knowing you're not the one for that someone. it doesn't feel good to reject someone, either).

i think it'll be good for the both of us in the long run.

i'm still processing this whole thing, but i think it'll be okay soon. :) and i hope they find someone who will like them back, just as much, and if not, more, because they're someone who truly deserves that.

goodbyes aren't easy, and they hurt even when it comes to short-term bonds that were formed. that's all i can say.

(also that whole unmatch thing rant in which i've deleted by now is because i got my feelings hurt for like a day, and then i got over it really quick lmfao. i was talking to some other guy i matched with, and we vibed for a few days, and then he unmatched while we were setting up the date and that hurt translated into frustration and anger and a bruised ego, but i'm okay now, and to whoever said it was a bad break up or something - it wasn't lmao, i was just being a little wuss and had to vent. but i will die on the hill on how you're an asshole if you unmatch without any explanation, especially when you're in the middle of setting up a date. you're just bad at communication and it really, really shows. please work on that if that's what you do to other people, because it's never fun being on the receiving end of being basically ghosted.)

anyway, i'll try to post another prompt list tonight. these babies are pre-written, so my mood right now's not gonna affect them aha.

i will probably post more of my love life (read: online hoe life) again to the one person who bothers reading this shit, simply because nothing's stopping me, and i ALSO am NEVER going to be so dumb to accidentally give too many hints and reveal my tumblr like that to someone ever again lmfaooo. my mask stays ON, bitches!!

(and on an entirely different note that's not so fucking depressing and also very non-serious, i'm going on a date this sunday, and we're going to have oysters lmfao - i might end up calling him oyster dude - but i also don't have much expectations lmfao. they did ask me if we're still on for sunday just earlier today, and i said yes, but i'm prepped for getting unmatched outta no where because some of you men are Cowards. aNYWAY.)

this was a rollercoaster and a very undelightful mess, i'm tired, i have to wake up at 5:30 am tomorrow for work, two of my brackets came fucking loose so i have to go to the ortho on monday to get that fixed, and i lowkey wanna die because of that, goodBYEEE.

[inkskinned]

one of the things that i think we should pay attention to, socially, about the disney v. desantis thing is that it is really highlighting the importance of remembering nuance.

in a purely neutral sense, if you engage in something problematic, that does not mean you are necessarily agreeing with what makes it problematic. and i am worried that we have become... so afraid of any form of nuance.

disney isn't my friend, they're a corporate monopoly that bastardized copyright laws for their own benefit, ruin the environment, and abuse their workers (... and many other things). this isn't a hypothetical for me - i grew up in florida. i also worked for the actual Walt Disney World; like, in the parks. i am keenly aware of the ways they hurt people, because they hurt me. i fully believe that part of the reason florida is so conservative is because it's been an "open secret" for years now that disney lobbies the government to keep minimum wage down, and i know they worked hard to keep the parks unmasked and open during the worst parts of Covid. they purposefully keep their employees in poverty. they are in part responsible for the way the floridian government works.

desantis is still, by a margin that is frankly daunting, way worse. the alternative here isn't just "republicans win", it's actual fascism.

in a case like this, where the alternative is to allow actual fascism into united states legislation - where, if desantis wins, there are huge and legal ramifications - it's tempting to minimize the harm disney is also doing, because... well, it's not fascism. but disney isn't the good guy, either, which means republicans are having a field day asking activists oh, so you think their treatment of their employees is okay?

we have been trained there is a right answer. you're right! you're in the good group, and you're winning at having an opinion.

except i have the Internet Prophecy that in 2-3 months, even left-wing people will be ripping apart activists for having "taken disney's side". aren't i an anti-capitalist? aren't i pro-union? aren't i one of the good ones? removed from context and nuance (that in this particular situation i am forced to side with disney, until an other option reveals itself), my act of being like "i hope they have goofy rip his throat out onstage, shaking his lifeless body like a dog toy" - how quickly does that seem like i actually do support disney?

and what about you! at home, reading this. are you experiencing the Thought Crime of... actually liking some of the things disney has made? your memories of days at the parks, or of good movies, or of your favorite show growing up. maybe you are also evil, if you ever enjoyed anything, ever, at all.

to some degree, the binary idealization/vilification of individual motive and meaning already exists in the desantis case. i have seen people saying not to go to the disney pride events because they're cash grabs (they are). i've seen people saying you have to go because they're a way to protest. there isn't a lot of internet understanding of nuance. instead it's just "good show of support" or "evil bootlicking."

this binary understanding is how you can become radicalized. when we fear nuance and disorder, we're allowing ourselves the safety of assuming that the world must exist in binary - good or bad, problematic or "not" problematic. and unfortunately, bigots want you to see the world in this binary ideal. they want you to get mad at me because "disney is taking a risk for our community but you won't sing their praises" and they want me to get mad at you for not respecting the legit personal trauma that disney forced me through.

in a grander scheme outside of disney: what happens is a horrific splintering within activist groups. we bicker with each other about minimal-harm minimal-impact ideologies, like which depiction of bisexuality is the most-true. we gratuitously analyze the personal lives of activists for any sign they might be "problematic". we get spooked because someone was in a dog collar at pride. we wring our hands about setting an empty shopping mall on fire. we tell each other what words we may identify ourselves by. we get fuckin steven universe disk horse when in reality it is a waste of our collective time.

the bigots want you to spend all your time focusing on how pristine and pretty you and your interests are. they want us at each other's throats instead of hand in hand. they want to say see? nothing is ever fucking good enough for these people.

and they want their followers to think in binary as well - a binary that's much easier to follow. see, in our spaces, we attack each other over "proper" behavior. but in bigoted groups? they attack outwards. they have someone they hate, and it is us. they hate you, specifically, and you are why they have problems - not the other people in their group. and that's a part of how they fucking keep winning.

some of the things that are beloved to you have a backbone in something terrible. the music industry is a wasteland. the publishing industry is a bastion of white supremacy. video games run off of unpaid labor and abuse.

the point of activism was always to bring to light that abuse and try to stop it from happening, not to condemn those who engage in the content that comes from those industries. "there is no ethical consumption under late capitalism" also applies to media. your childhood (and maybe current!) love of the little mermaid isn't something you should now flinch from, worried you'll be a "disney adult". wanting the music industry to change for the better does not require that you reject all popular music until that change occurs. you can acknowledge the harm something might cause - and celebrate the love that it has brought into your life.

we must detach an acknowledgment of nuance from a sense of shame and disgust. we must. punishing individual people for their harmless passions is not doing good work. encouraging more thoughtful, empathetic consumption does not mean people should feel ashamed of their basic human capacities and desires. it should never have even been about the individual when the corporation is so obviously the actual evil. this sense that we must live in shame and dread of our personal nuances - it just makes people bitter and hopeless. do you have any idea how scared i am to post this? to just acknowledge the idea of nuance? that i might like something nuanced, and engage in it joyfully? and, at the same time, that i'm brutally aware of the harm that they're doing?

"so what do i do?" ... well, often there isn't a right answer. i mean in this case, i hope mickey chops off ron's head and then does a little giggle. but truth be told, often our opinions on nuanced subjects will differ. you might be able to engage in things that i can't because the nuance doesn't sit right with me. i might think taylor swift is a great performer and a lot of fun, and you might be like "raquel, the jet fuel emissions". we are both correct; neither of us have any actual sway in this. and i think it's important to remember that - the actual scope of individual responsibility. like, i also love going to the parks. Thunder Mountain is so fun. you (just a person) are not responsible for the harm that Disney (the billion dollar corporation) caused me. i don't know. i think it's possible to both enjoy your memories and interrogate the current state of their employment policies.

there is no right way to interrogate or engage with nuance - i just hope you embrace it readily.

[majoris]

if you put my cap in your post idk the least you could do is credit me huh or reblog the original maybe ? Or like, ask if you can use without credit even, I'd probably say yes. You can ask on posts now even, don't have to walk all the way to the inbox for that if that's too much work. I know tumblr only cares about gifs but it takes time to choose shots and color them and all that shit too. You think I won't recognize my caps ? I'm making them all by myself from the video source. You think I won't recognize my cap cause you tipped the color a lil? Baby that's my coloring under yours, I know how the original lightning was on that shot and I do a lil more than simply cracking up the brightness. Baby that's my crop, it was not shot like that in the original. The odds of you making a crop that is 1:1 like mine is… a little slim and I didn't spend four hours antagonizing and deciding and un-deciding if I want to crop it to then forget about how it looked in the original.

[thetomorrowshow]

blood on your hands

empires superpowers au masterlist (note: the masterlist is not currently being updated)

ough angst. takes place about two weeks after the end of ‘poisoned rats’.

cw: violence, mild gore, abuse, flashbacks, vomiting, death (of an oc)

~

“Oh, little bird,” Xornoth coos, and Jimmy stares blankly at their feet.

He’d messed up. They had given him a command—they’d wanted him to hurt the bystanders to send them away—and he hadn’t obeyed, leaving Pearl to escape.

He doesn’t know what the punishment will be. He hopes he has the strength today to accept it.

The doors to the meeting room burst open—two guards dragging a handcuffed man between them enter, hold him in a standing position, even as the man sways dangerously, blood dripping down the side of his head. Xornoth stands, pulling Jimmy up with them.

The man is middle-aged, balding, his button-up white shirt stained with his own blood. His eyes blink rapidly, his teeth chatter and lips tremble as if cold. Or maybe it’s a symptom of the severe stress he’s probably under.

“What’s your name?” Xornoth asks the man, who noticeably swallows back his anxiety before answering.

“K-Keith, I—sir.”

“Do you have a family, Keith?”

Keith’s face pales. “You—you leave them alone, they never did anything—”

Xornoth smiles, a repulsive sight. “You’re a construction worker, is that right? You have a pet dog. Your daughter has just developed powers of her own and you mean to celebrate this weekend.”

Dumbfounded, Keith nods. Quick as anything, Xornoth pulls Jimmy right up to them by the chin, forces him to look into Keith’s eyes. Jimmy sees terror, confusion—though maybe it’s just a reflection of himself.

“See, pet? Keith here is a person with a life, one that he loves and wishes to return to. He has a family, a favorite food, and people who love him.”

Jimmy stares blankly at his master, some sort of emotion stirring beneath the surface. He doesn’t know what he feels. But he has a sinking suspicion that he knows where this is going.

He’s right. With a flick of their wrist, there’s a tentacle worming its way out of the ground, crawling up Keith, up his throat, up his chin and over his lips to his nostril, where it squiggles inside. Keith shouts, even as another tentacle rises up and slowly squeezes around his throat.

Jimmy gags instinctively, tries to turn away—he doesn’t want to see this—but Xornoth’s hand on his collar is enough to keep him in place.

Keith is begging, begging even as blood drips from his nose and mouth, even as he chokes on nothing, begging for anyone to help, and it’s horrible and suddenly Jimmy is screaming as well, begging for his master to spare a man who’s done nothing wrong—

Keith’s body slumps as the first tentacle exits through his mouth, bloodshot eyes rolling back into his head. Jimmy gags again, nearly vomits but for the emptiness of his stomach.

Xornoth pulls Jimmy by his hair, their mouth pressed against his ear, and their breath is foul when they speak.

“Keith’s blood is on your hands, pet. He died because of your disobedience. Obey me next time, and we won’t have to have a repeat incident.”

Then they throw him to the ground, into a pool of Keith’s blood. He falls hard, his bad hip popping out on impact. The next couple of minutes are blurry with pain as Jimmy gathers what little strength he has and rolls, popping it back into place.

Once he’s recovered enough to take in his surroundings, he finds that his master is gone. The guards are gone. The door to the room is shut.

It’s just him and the body. The body of a man with a family, loved ones, a career, a belief system. . . .

Who will tell his spouse that their husband is missing? Who will tell his daughter that her dad is never coming home? Will they know? Will there be a body to find? Or is Jimmy doomed to be the only one to know of Keith’s fate, never to make it out of here and find his family?

All because he’d been a bad pet. He’s a bad pet. It’s all his fault, it’s always his fault, this is just another person’s blood that he’s responsible for and there’s so much, there’s always so much pain. . . .

He gathers enough courage to approach the body after an hour, crawling toward it with cuffed hands to gently close Keith’s eyes. Then he backs away quickly, because even though it’s just a body he still wants to vomit just being in the same room with a dead person, especially one so brutally killed.

He makes his way to the opposite corner of the room, where he can only see Keith’s lower half between the table and chair legs, curls up in the most comfortable position possible with his screaming hip, and sobs drily into his hands. He’s shaking badly enough that he could break apart at any second, and there’s someone dead in front of him and he killed them, it’s his fault they’re dead. . . .

He stays there, waiting, praying that someone will come get him and take him to his cell, where he can wash his hands of this as best he can, where he can tuck the image of Keith’s head bursting from the inside that’s burned into his retinas deep in the recesses of his mind, never to be seen again.

No one comes.

They leave Jimmy alone with the corpse for two straight days.

-

Jimmy jolts up in bed, running for the bathroom before he even knows where he is. He barely makes it in time, vomiting his guts up practically before he can lift the toilet seat.

He wipes his mouth when he’s done, blows his nose to dislodge any chunks, flushes the toilet. His stomach is rolling, throat burning, and he can still hear Keith screaming like it’s still happening.

He’s too tired to get back up, too shaky to even consider standing. So instead he presses his head against the cool porcelain of the bathtub (it feels so nice against his flushed cheek, he’s so tired and everything is so fresh and raw) and falls asleep.

-

“Hey, can you wake up for me? It’s Lizzie, I’m here. . . . I’m here, Jimmy, can you wake up?”

Jimmy blinks awake, looks up at the blue-haired blob leaning over him. He blinks a couple more times, and that blob reveals itself to be his sister.

"Hey," he croaks, and her face twists in concern.

“What happened? Are you okay?”

He sits up, groans at the stiffness in his limbs from such an awkward sleeping position. For a moment, he’s not sure where he is. Then he remembers the previous night, the flashback-nightmare, running to the toilet. He groans again.

“Bad night,” he manages, grimacing at the sour taste in his mouth. Lizzie takes notice and helps him up, where he can lean against the sink and brush his teeth.

He doesn’t want to think about the flashback. He doesn’t want to think about it at all, but every time he blinks he sees it happening. He sees blood, he sees bulging eyes, he sees. . . .

He gags, pulling his toothbrush away from his mouth as he leans over the sink. He killed a man. He killed him.

Lizzie makes some noise of disgust as he spits out a bit of bile, nothing else in his stomach to throw up. He cringes automatically, one hand darting up to cover the scar on the back of his neck.

“How about you go lie down, yeah?” she suggests, stepping out of the way of the door. She surveys the room with a slight wrinkle of her nose. “I’ll clean up in here. Just go lie on the couch, grab a plastic bag or a bowl or something.”

Jimmy follows her directions robotically, taking a moment to rinse out his mouth before shuffling off to the living room, stopping to get a plastic bag from the bag of bags. He’s been laying on the couch for a full minute before he realizes he still has his toothbrush clenched in his fist. He keeps hold of it, not sure where to place it.

A few moments later, Lizzie reappears, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of him. She’s still in pajamas, Jimmy notices, her short hair tangled and eyelids heavy with sleep. She must’ve just woken up to find him on the bathroom floor.

Just lying there. Like he was dead. Like Keith. Like all the others.

There’s a lump in his throat and a sour taste in his mouth and his eyes itch really badly, but he can’t cry. He can’t cry when he survived, he made it out intact, while so many others are dead by his hand.

“I’m sorry,” he rasps, swallowing several times. “I—I don’t know—”

“It’s all right, you’re not feeling well,” Lizzie cuts in, running a hand down the side of her face. “I can call in to work, say I’m sick. Or I can call Scott or Joel to come take care of you while I work, but if you’ve got a bug I’ve probably got it as well. . . .”

“I’m not sick,” says Jimmy. When Lizzie fixes him with a disbelieving look, he adds, “Really. I just—I just had a bad dream. A . . . a flashback.”

The look turns to one of sympathy, and Lizzie moves as if to rub his arm, but holds herself back. “Do—do you want to talk about?” she asks awkwardly.

He shakes his head. There’s nothing they can do. Lizzie will just tell him that it isn’t his fault, that maybe he should talk about it in therapy, et cetera. More coping, no doing. No real owning up for his actions.

At least, that’s what Scott would do. Lizzie’s quite a bit more pragmatic than Scott.

“Well, maybe,” he says slowly.

She holds back a sigh, he notices. One of relief or frustration, he can’t tell. But he forges onward anyway, because this is not just something he can drop. 

He decides to just cut to the chase. “I killed people,” he says. Blunt, perhaps, but Lizzie doesn’t flinch.

“I know,” she says drily. “Believe me.”

She’s blunt too, of course. Jimmy swallows, then forces himself to go on.

“Four by my own hand and choice—at least, recently. Because they told me to.” He takes in a shuddering breath. He can do this. “Five others because of me—I think. I’m not sure. I don’t know. Maybe more. They—they killed people, to make me behave sometimes, and it’s my fault still, their blood is still on my hands because I knew what the punishments were like and I still—I still fought back. And . . . my actions had consequences. And too often, innocent people suffered them.”

Jimmy stops, overcome. He presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, breathes in and out. He needs to confess this. There’s been guilt gnawing at his stomach for so long, long enough that he didn’t even realize it was there. He deserves punishment, he killed so many people, and hurt so many others. . . .

“I didn’t know them,” he manages. “I didn’t even know them. But because—because I misbehaved, they got pulled in and I had to watch them die. I was—Lizzie, it was my fault they died, they didn’t deserve it and—I don’t—”

He cuts off, tears choking his throat. He can’t look at Lizzie. He can’t bear to see the disappointment, the disgust, on her face.

Closing his eyes doesn’t help. Behind his eyelids all he can see is blood dripping from everywhere, places he never thought possible, eyes and ears and nostrils and cheeks—

He grabs the bag, just in case. He doesn’t think he’s going to vomit again, but it’s always a possibility.

It wasn’t just Keith, of course. There were others. Four others before Keith, four lessons ignored until the fifth finally stuck. He doesn’t know their names, their occupations, their home lives. He doesn’t know if that makes it better or worse.

“Jimmy,” says Lizzie eventually. “I doubt that you’ll believe me right now, but anything that Xornoth did is not your responsibility.”

But it is. Those people would still be alive if Jimmy had just behaved. He could’ve been good, he could’ve been good and everyone would have been safe, but he acted out and it hurt him and others time and time again.

“They had their agency,” Lizzie continues. “They made the choice to do that, after subjecting you to inhumane conditions. That isn’t on you. You were just trying to survive.”

Maybe, somewhere deep within his mind, that comes as a relief. For some part of him, that’s exactly what he needed to hear.

It still isn’t enough.

“If that’s true, why does it feel wrong?” Jimmy asks, sniffling. “I feel—I feel like I ought to be punished, still. I knew there would be consequences, and I still chose to—I still—”

“‘Chose’ is not a word that applies, I think,” Lizzie says. “And really, that’s a very common abuse tactic. Imagine—say, imagine a man who gets angry at his wife—for, er, not cooking dinner right—and he throws a vase at her. Then he says that it was her fault the vase is broken since she made him angry. Is that an okay thing to happen?”

“No,” Jimmy admits after a moment. “But—it’s different.”

Lizzie sighs. “Scott is so much better at this,” she mutters. “I really don’t see the difference. Why would you—er, ‘misbehave’, as you said?”

Flashes of all the times he wilfully disobeyed a command zip through his mind. Every time, he did it—

“To stop someone from getting hurt,” he says, looking up. Lizzie’s watching him, chin propped on her hands. “I thought—I thought I could handle getting hurt, if someone innocent was all right. But then—it wasn’t always me. Who got hurt.”

“Don’t you see? You had good intentions, Jimmy. You just wanted to help people. Xornoth had no right to treat you so horribly, and when you tried to save others from getting hurt, they would turn your good heart on you.”

She’s right. If he wasn’t so tired, it would be easier to see. The guilt doesn’t go away, but the knot in his chest loosens a little.

“That’s exactly what Scott would say,” he mumbles. “I thought you’d be on my side. Instead I got therapized.”

Lizzie snickers. “It’s unfair how good Scott is at that. I would have called him, but it’s like, three in the morning. Did I at least help?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy says. “Sorry. It was—” he shudders, seeing it all over again— “It was a really bad nightmare.”

“Well, if that’s solved, I’ll head back to bed,” says Lizzie, getting ready to stand. “How are you feeling, though?”

Guilty. Like a monster. Like he needs to be punished.

Something on his face must betray that, because Lizzie pauses, offers him a sympathetic smile.

“Just because it isn’t my fault—I guess—that—that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve help,” he says. “Is there something I can do? For their families?”

“Maybe,” Lizzie says. She nods a little bit, her expression turning thoughtful. “I’ll call your boyfriend, see if he has any contacts that can figure that out.”

Jimmy groans. “Just—he has a name, don’t—”

“We’ll see what your boyfriend says!”

-

It takes time, but eventually a charity is set up for the families of Xornoth’s victims. However, after only two weeks, Lizzie silently hands Jimmy a list of ten names. At the top is Keith Rowland. He doesn’t know how she got the names. He doesn’t ask.

Jimmy makes his reparations in the best way he can think to. He leaves envelopes of cash with apology cards in their mailboxes, rings the doorbell, then runs. He stalks the families online, makes sure that they have everything they need at the moment, are comfortable and all set to continue their lives.

He doesn’t stop feeling guilty, exactly. There are moments when his heart clenches, when all he can see is gruesome death that he knows is his fault.

But there’s nothing else he can do. For the most part, he’s content. And every day, it gets a little bit easier to separate himself from the evil that Xornoth forced upon him.

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Nesta stans "can't take a joke"? Bestie, you don't even know what a joke is!

When I jokingly refer to Cassian as an idiot, it's said with affection. When you call Nesta a massive bitch, it's said with blatant malice. See the difference?

Hope that clears things up! ✌️

[armenelols]

Is there any site where I can get free PDFs for uni? For me, English is fine, but I also need something for my mom in either Slovak or Czech if possible. If not, ig my translator career is about to start lol

[yugiohcardsdaily]

It's so sad when something you love has a sale thing going on around a holiday or something and you're an unemployed loser who can't spend what little money you have to take advantage of it. :'(

(just a smol vent post, pls ignore lol)

[tricoufamily]

just tried to update reshade for add ons and i think i just lost everything. i think i might actually quit over this i'm not kidding

[bobatealie-archived]

hi hello !! uhhm im moving accs :thumbs up: mutuals feel free to ask for the acc off anon [i will be answering them priv dw !!]

[stereax]

woohoo spiraling out of control right now (what else is new really I've been fucked up and spiraling for weeks now) and trying to figure out reasons not to delete my tumblr and discord and myself along the way

but you know. talking about myself on my blog automatically means I'm attention seeking and fishing for pity right? should just shut up and stick to the news eh, it's all I'm good for :D

anyway if you need me I'll be in the corner reliving the past, coming to terms with reality, and trying to convince myself I'm not the problem despite every indication to the contrary ✌︎︎

[pomfiores]

i love that I got my two days off but. the ominous threat of falling ill was looming over me all this time, trying to land on me but because I was always moving and working, I was okay. but now that I'm off, it's settling on me. and I can't. shake. this shit. off. 🤡

[studyblr-perhaps]

.

[troublewithvampires]

//if it isn't obvious lol i'm trying to make a dent in my inbox today. i won't be posting everything today, but i'll be queueing up responses to post throughout the week :3c

[fitzfunnymoments]

That's it when I finish the wips I have on there I am deleting medibang and switching back to ibis paint this is getting ridiculous </3

[buckleyseddie]

...

[tardis--dreams]

I really have to work on my thesis so here's a list of all the dramas I've watched this year and a summary of my most beloved blorbos

• 오징어 게임 - Squid Game: watched once in January. Loved it a lot but couldn't rewatch because it was too heavy for me at the time.

• 쓸쓸하고 찬란하神-도깨비 - Goblin/Guardian the Lonely and Great God: watched once in February/March, cried every episode, need to rewatch soon

• 괴물 - Beyond Evil: You may not have noticed but i have developed some sort of unhealthy obsession with it. Watched it 5 times in total within the span of eight months. 3 times in April, once in July/August once in November. Nothing will ever compare. It changed my brain chemistry. Got the script books despite probably only knowing like 15% of the vocabulary in there but can read them effortlessly because i know the entire show by heart.

• 무브 투 헤븐: 나는 유품정리사입니다 - Move to Heaven: watched it completely once in April. My nose got sore from crying too much. Sometimes i rewatch an episode just to feel something. Beautiful.

• 악마판사 - The Devil Judge: watched 4.5 times so far. 3 times in May/June, once in September/October and got halfway through my fourth rewatch in December (and will continue that eventually). I am obsessed. Absolutely, utterly Obsessed. Second drama i got the script books because i love it so much.

• 나의 해방일지 - My Liberation Notes: watched once in June and fell in love. Very high on my to rewatch list and if they release a script book I'd absolutely try to get that as well!

• 해피니스 - Happiness: Watched twice. First time within the span of 3 days in June/July. I had Corona and was isolating and dreamed about it every. goddamm. night. The whole "what do we do with the infected? Should we throw them out or kill them?" really seemed to resonate with me there lol. Rewatched in September and definitely will rewatch again.

• 내일 - Tomorrow: watched once in August. Idk why i expected something light hearted (i really don't know why) but i loved it very much despite the dark and heavy topics.

• 타인은 지옥이다 - Strangers From Hell: watched once. Was a wild ride.

• 배드 앤 크레이지 - Bad and Crazy: watched twice in August. I absolutely hadn't expected to love it so much. It touched my heart and I'll rewatch it regularly.

• 인간실격 - Lost: Watched once in September. Loved it a lot.

• 나의 아저씨 - My Mister: Watched once in October. No words. Will rewatch. People really weren't lying when they said it's a master piece.

• 악의 꽃 - Flower of Evil: Watched within the span of 3 days in December and am currently on my 1st rewatch. Easily gets to share first place of my favorite dramas with Beyond Evil and The Devil Judge. SO EMOTIONAL. (Also love how it shows how psychiatry and psych diagnoses are used to dehumanize and criminalize people and how it can shape a person's sense of self. Classic example of character assassination. But we don't talk about this on here.)

Now, to summarize my faves:

There's no hierarchy but if I had to say what's my favorite drama, the first place would go to Beyond Evil, which has the first first place, meaning it is untouchable, so it would be unfair to say it's my only number one. Therefore the ranking of my faves goes like this:

1.1 Beyond Evil.

1.2. The Devil Judge, Bad and Crazy, and Flower of Evil

My favorite special little guys are:

• Han Juwon: Very Blorbo. Pathetic wet dog of a man, annoying little bitch (affectionate), I wanted to slap him sometimes as much as I wanted to hug him. He's very dear to me)

• Kang Yohan: Poor little meow meow! Also pathetic wet dog of a man. Very much enjoyed going from hating him to loving him more than my life.

• Ryu Soo Yeol: Classic Blorbo. Also pathetic wet dog of a man (arguably the most pathetic). I love him very much.

• Do Hyun Soo: HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG IN HIS LIFE EVER! He doesn't even give me pathetic wet dog of a man vibes witch is shocking since this is apparently my type! Nothing was more heartbreaking than seeing him sobbing and apologizing and breaking down after so many years of hiding his identity. Deserves the best dad award. I love him so much you don't even understand. (I guess the reason i trusted him from the beginning on was the fact they labeled him with a certain diagnose. You tell me that guy is evil because a psychiatrist said so? So he must be a good person! (Sorry my hatered for psychiatry and psychiatrists/therapists shines through a bit much when I talk about this show/character)).

This, unfortunately, shows very clearly that my type™️ is men with childhood trauma (: Dongsik is very dear to me as well, but since all the horrors started for him after 20 years of having a loving childhood and teenage years, I guess i got imprinted on Juwon instead.

Characters I wanna marry so badly:

• Yoon Saebom

• Yoo Jaeyi

• wouldn't say no to Do Hyun Soo tbh. Has proven to be the perfect husband-

If i stop writing this post I'll have to deal with my thesis so uhhh what can i ramble about.. Oh i know:

BEST OST:

• The Devil Judge! Sexiest OST I've come across so far. Tempest and What You Gonna Do are definitely two of the best songs in the history of songs

• Strangers From Hell! This show might not be my favorite but nothing comes close to this soundtrack.

• Beyond Evil! Empty and 향해 reduce me to tears and Timeless is just unmatched

• Happiness! Pain really hit hard with the line "please i just want everything to stop". Also most of the songs featured aren't even on the official OST but they are SO good!