#i put a bunch of the toys we have for our other cats in with her and she’s been rolling around and batting at em for a while now

[gaspshichat]

pearl quotes !!

i write down a lot of pearl quotes and sometimes share them in her discord server. i've decided to put every single one i've gathered into one tumblr post. i will reblog the most recent addition every saturday with any new quotes that i have acquired. you can also send me quotes in my ask box or my dms on twitter [username is gaspshichat, like usual]. no guarantees that they'll be added though!

a lot of these quotes are sus and very out of context. that is part of the point! if pearl wants me to delete this, i absolutely will

[before it gets asked, karn is her bestie boyfriend]

~|•🌙•|~

pearl: before we do that let me restock my balls

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pearl: ooh there's things happening on the ser- A BEACON ????

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pearl: don't thank me because i didn't approve of it

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pearl: i hope you guys understood what i said because i didn't

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pearl: "you killed a frog?" yup! it was for science......let it be known that is a terrible excuse in real life

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pearl: "do you take iron tablets?" i have them!

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pearl to keralis: well you're a letdown but i don't talk about that

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pearl: fix ai, make them breedable

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pearl: i got the double p! please don't acronym that

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pearl: "do you use slabs in terraforming?" *zooms in on a slab she used for terraforming* no

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pearl: "don't sell yourself short" it's okay i'm tall

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pearl: they don't bite! much..

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pearl: doc owes me child support!

*long, stunned silence*

cleo: ....okay….

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cleo: so keralis did the kidnapping, and you did kidnapping by proxy

pearl: ...no

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pearl: it was a heart of mutton. it was creepy

cleo: it was a meat heart :D

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cleo: i want to mail horrible things, like animals, to iskall

pearl: oh! that's horrid

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pearl: "you charge your other mats rent?" yes

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pearl: i don't know if this is lag or if my balls are just popping in really slowly

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pearl: these balls ain't going away

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pearl: let me move my balls aside for you

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pearl: hello ♪

karn: is it me you're looking for ♪

pearl: no ♪

karn: oh :(

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pearl: i don't need a big, strong man to kill me

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pearl: turn down the thing you need to turn down...you know what it is

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karn: i fractured the world from what i can tell

pearl: ..bruh

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pearl: what does the button do?

karn: THE BUTTON SHUTS THE DOORS ON US AND SPAWNS A BUNCH OF MOBS

pearl: i pushed the button hehe

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pearl: cleo made the child

false: ...the child?

pearl: yeah :D it's a bebe

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pearl: "why are there beach umbrellas at the post office?" *long pause* maybe it's because of all the water?

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pearl: you caught me mid construction

gem: i know >:3

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pearl: he's letting his babies loose

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gem: look at you up there. you're adorable *punches her*

pearl: aH-

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pearl: i am greatly navigationally challenged right now

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pearl: i got too comfortable with hermitcraft actually working

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pearl: ah! moist!

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pearl: anyway that's completely distracted me away from my really passionate rockies

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pearl: we have pickles to do !!

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karn: let's not sit on the balls

pearl: 🤨

karn: *holds up cat toys*

pearl: oh- *starts laughing and hides her very red face*

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pearl: just shove it in

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pearl: how do you know what brimstone tastes like

karn: i've lived quite the life

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pearl: give it a suck

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pearl: our feet are not equal

karn: why are you bringing our feet into this ??

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pearl: i could give you the australian bestie word-

karn, oblivious: alright

pearl: -but it's not pg

karn, realizing: ahhh

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karn: it's a mental thing, you see

pearl: oh

karn: yes, i'm mentally stuck here

pearl: i see

karn: yes, i'm in a position where i don't want to leave-

pearl: that's very intense for a friend

~

karn: it's just as sweet as you

pearl: don't butter me up

karn: too late!

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pearl: i'm flee with extra flee

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karn: you okay, my dear?

pearl: *sobbing*

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pearl: did you pee in the ocean?

karn, instantly: yes

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pearl: stop wasting your bullets!

karn: sorry ☹️

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pearl: did you think his ass was his face ????

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pearl: in what realm is a butthole a face ????

karn: *trying to explain*

pearl: babe :I

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pearl: take that you stupid ass robot

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karn: on the count of three. one-

pearl: *starts blasting*

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pearl: stupid ass spider

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pearl: a butt is clearly defined by two cheeks, a hole, and a tail!

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pearl: [karn] is very special. in multiple ways

[lampfaced]

so the living room is basically our cat Gem's play room.

we have put a blanket down on the floor that lives there as her play mat.

she has a bunch of small felt catnip toys, but we also have the Spamton plush that lives with the toys, because it seemed fitting. we removed the voice box and replaced it with a bag of catnip because... we could. so far she hasn't cared much over the past few years he's had it.

sometimes cat gets zoomies and ferrets around under the blanket, especially when left to her own devices.

somehow, Spamton made it away from her nearby bed and closer playmat. I caught her rubbing her face on his nose earlier.

just now I came out of the other room, saw what I saw, and asked @mixterglacia if he had done anything with Spamton. the answer is no.

our cat put Spamton to bed and tucked him in.

[twistafr]

Screwed The Brew

another tedxschlatt smut fic, this time it involves sex pollen

Rating: Excplicit Word Count: 10,464 Summary:

Schlatt groans, hanging his head low to hide the way he rolls his eyes with frustration. His patience is thin, after all, and he can feel himself becoming more and more embarrassingly needy by the second. And it's all because of some stupid accident, Ted says. "Fuck," Schlatt whispers.

"I, mean," Ted starts, shuffling around to retrieve something from his pockets, pulling out a small envelope about the length of a finger and a width of half of his palm as he holds it out, ashamed. "Okay. Okay," He steadies himself, gathering composure and tossing the envelope to Schlatt. "This is my fault."

Schlatt blinks, curious, and can momentarily ignore the aching hunger creeping up on him and he opens it, watching as two small and pink teardrop shaped seeds fall into his palm. "What the hell are these?"

Schlatt hovers around the brewing stand set up in the corner of his kitchen, watching the potion he's whipping up with interest. He examines it for a moment, the vibrant color of it, a flurry of pomegranate shades with a deep and rich swirl of red in between that isn't exactly mixing in with the rest of the substances, much like oil to water.

This specific potion is meant to energize his body for a while, give him stamina and such, and also squash out hydration. It's a perfect way to enhance his performance.

He's been looking at some recipes and trying to personalize them just a little bit more, like the bit of clementine juice he squeezed in to help with immune systems and such. There is, of course, mainly ingredients that hold magical elements. The usual tear of ghoul and eye of those really rare glowing frogs, the ones that shine a hazy blue at night, making them easy to see. Which is great for Schlatt- and also great for predators. It seems kinda like a reverse natural selection, as still they have yet to stop dragging attention to themselves as hungry birds, snakes, and other creatures in the area gather around.

It seems gross to have a bunch of stuff in the potions he makes, so of course Schlatt adds some real everyday flavors to make it feel a bit more natural when he drinks them.

He's even made some for his buddy Ted who is still standing behind Schlatt, five feet away, and blinking at him with an expression Schlatt can't quite place.

"Looks ready, don't ya think?" Schlatt asks, turning from the potion  to Ted who purses his lip as he thinks. He steps back with a shrug and has to duck from the cat that swoops from the rafters. Lot's of Schlatt's house is left exposed, and the kitchen ceiling is full of storage spaces and wooden planks that his cat loves to explore. The feline's made it his territory, as one time Schlatt was simply trying to retrieve some cinnamon and the cat pawed at him aggressively. Of course until he realized Schlatt would be out of his fur within a few seconds, only then was Schlatt able to grab what he needed. Right now, the cat's just toying with Ted, swatting his hair with a paw and backing up to cover with an almost teasing meow.

Schlatt laughs with amusement as Ted moves to fix up his hair. "He's playin with ya, you know?"

Ted glances at him for a few seconds, then sighs as he crosses his arms. "I know, Schlatt. Now what are we planning for dinner?"

Schlatt hums, not actually even thinking about it as he twists his body back around, watching as the potion pulses with a faint yellow all around the edges. He squints, it's probably that golden lemon he put in it. He faintly thinks about deigning Ted an answer as he gazes over the potion, distracted in his words. "Uh, dunno, just go through the cabinets and whatnot. But hey, this potion is a new one. You should try it with me."

Ted shuffles over to the farthest counter and quickly shakes his head, as if he must put some space between him and the concoction Schlatt's just brewed up. "Pft, sure, man. I'll try your strange magical liquid-but I won't. Man, it's all yours."

"Rude." Schlatt notes, but can't get another word out before Ted chimes back in, holding a hand up hesitantly.

"But, yknow, don't take that as a command to just chug it down, now." Ted tilts his head, lips stretching into an uncomfy smile like he's trying to make a joke but can't find any humor himself. It makes Schlatt move to fully face him, raising an eyebrow in growing confusion. There seems to be something he's missing here. It's just his luck Ted likes to be a cryptic son of a gun and only tell the whole truth once it's too late. "We should really eat first, don't ya think?"

Schlatt squints at Ted, trying to read his face but he fails as the man looks away too quickly.

"What is it?" He asks, hoping he can get a more straightforward answer some time soon. Now is not soon, sadly, as Ted waves his hand.

"Nothin, Schlatt. Nothin." He lies, Schlatt knows he's lying. So he glares as Ted swings open a cupboard and groans when he pulls out a glass jar of cherry reserves, setting it down on the counter below and making another noise when he pulls out a pouch of tree nuts.

"Do you have anything to make an actual meal with, man?" He complains and Schlatt rolls his eyes at the dramatically grossed-out face Ted makes at the container of honey and jasmine tea bags.

"Those were a gift," Schlatt says with a scowl, pointing at the jar he holds them in. "A gift from an elderly lady who- and this is true- was very pleased to have somebody living nearby. She loves me."

Ted snorts. "Yeah, yeah, and I bet you love her. You weirdo."

She is a nice lady, but dear heavens no. Schlatt makes a yakking noise, hanging his head for the act. "Puh, no, you freak. You wish."

"Schlatt." Ted makes a face and Schlatt just points at him.

"You wish I loved some old lady so you could make fun of me," Schlatt says confidently before whipping around, back faced to Ted. He plants a hand on his knee as he bends, holding the other out to the glass potion bottle as he taps it. "Now you can go to the stupid market and get some food while I test this baby out. Or you can stop complaining and wait for me to hand ya some food."

Ted's movement pauses behind Schlatt and he looks over his shoulder to see Ted abruptly divert his gaze, busying himself by placing all the jars and such he got out back into their respective spots in the kitchen.

He slams a hand down on the counter before quickly lifting it back up and shoving it into his pocket, pulling out some money. "Right, then, you ass, I'll go buy some food for us."

Schlatt huffs, sending him a look of disapproval and a childish stuck out tongue. He doesn't watch Ted return the immature move, but instead shifts his fingers to twist the potion loose from the stand. Ted pats down his pants, coming to a slow stop as he clears his throat.

"Just- uh, don't try the potion without me."

"Thought you didn't want nothin' to do with it." Schlatt shoots a glance at him, raising an eyebrow in suspicion, lips tugged into a slight frown. Ted of course, doesn't give a damn when it comes to making actual sense, so he just nods.

"Sure," He says, nonsensical, then waves. "I'll be back- wait for me."

Schlatt can't even respond before Ted is leaving the kitchen, crossing through the archway and out the living room, sneaking a hand into the dining room where an empty bag rests on the table. He grabs it then heads to the front door, which he slams behind, shouting out a careless sorry and carrying on his way.

Schlatt huffs, a little annoyed, and eyes his cat. "That guy sucks."

The cat meows back but not in agreement, so Schlatt dismisses him.

"Oh, you just like that he gives you way too many treats," Schlatt defends, watching the cat jump down to the tiled floor of the kitchen and stretch. "He's the reason you can't fit into your favorite hiding spot anymore, hope you know."

The cat doesn't particularly care of course, so Schlatt doesn't bother wasting anymore time now that Ted's gone and no longer able to waste his time.

He takes the potion from the stand, observing it before running his finger along the rim of the bottle. Its scent drifts up and he picks up some familiar aspects he remembered using to curate the whole thing. He swishes it a little, watching the pink pomegranate shades fuzz together. Strangely enough, white particles start forming, glowing and entracing, Schlatt doesn't exactly know which combined ingredients caused it, but he'd be lying if he said it didn't look both appetizing and remarkable.

He thinks he really is mastering the craft of potion brewing, this might become the most effective one yet, as its physical appearance is enchanting to an all new level. He can't wait for the performance boost it'll be sure to grant him. 

He lifts it to his lips, watching the liquid rush down the bottle. It tastes like a delicious assortment of citrus fruits and a little bit of cocoa in the after taste that is joined by a more earthy flavor, making him furrow his brows at the new recipe he's trying.

Overall, it's a pleasurable way to gain an extra periodic boost to perform whatever tasks he needs handled.

He takes a swig of it before fetching a cork lid and shelving it with his collection of other potions. Healing potions, good luck ones, all the jazz.

Schlatt is walking out of the kitchen when he has to pause. He can feel a sudden warmth belonging to the potion as it settles in his stomach. He reaches for the bookshelf, hanging his head and trying to compensate for the surprise sensation, steadying himself.

"Weird," He comments. Then Schlatt moves on.

He wants to test out it's supposed effects, moving to an open space in his living room between the bookshelf and the couch, feet against the rug he recently bought. It's strange, though, how he can start to feel the imperfections and ridges within the fabric, like his awareness has been dialed up a smidge. It makes it a little odd as he attempts to test out his stamina, doing various exercises and then sitting down. He smiles when he realizes he isn't as worn out as he would be.

So he sinks back into the furniture of the couch, proud of his work. He blinks, looking out the window to his right, eyes latching onto a branch getting gently rattled by the wind. He watches the movement, distracted, and only snaps out of it when a sudden wetness hits the top of his hand. He snaps his head down and pauses, confused when he realizes it's a drop of water.

Or, well, sweat, he thinks, feeling a wave of heat wash over him quicker than he can react. He's actually very hot, he notices. His shirt sticks to him, incredibly uncomfortable as he reaches for the collar with his fingers and when they graze over skin he frowns at out excessively warm his skin is.

The hell is this?

The back of is neck is covered in sweat when he smooths his hand across it, instantly pulling his hand back and blowing out air to try and cool himself off. Schlatt's forehead is beaded with sweat, and when he goes to stand up for some water, his vision goes hazy and he slouches back into the couch, legs getting overtaken by a faint and foreign feeling.

Schlatt, confused, lifts his arm up, finding the action a little slowed down. Which is ridiculous, because the potion is supposed to enhance performance. Obviously. He squeezes his eyes shut as another wave of heat is dumped all over him, and this time it stays, looming, the intensity never dying out. The tips of his fingers buzz, a weird sensation that he tries to ignore as he pushes off the couch, wanting to stand up.

But his legs move as if he's stuck in a thick sludge, slow and inefficient. They're wobbly under his weight and he groans with frustration when he is forced to give up and sit back down. The sudden drop sticks a rock in his stomach, heavy and obnoxious. But of course, Schlatt has no idea what is going on, so he is thrown off guard when his stomach tightens into knots, exploding with a burning sensation, and he rolls into himself with a hiss of discomfort.

The temperature of his body is very concerning, he knows, but he can't seem to shake any heat off, like he's trapped in a furnace with no way out, flames pressing onto each side of him. His stomach, all tangled with a messy feeling he can't quite place, unravels itself and seemingly spreads to his whole body, making him sag against the couch with panic.

"What the fuck-"

He needs help, clearly, and he thinks about Ted, how far he possibly is, when will he be here. He invisions Ted walking through the door- his stomach stings suddenly, face flushed as he puffs out air, his insides overheating.

Thinking about Ted might have been a bad thing to do, he comes to realize, as everything increases and he picks up an ache in his chest. When he pays attention to it, he hurts, only noticing where when he glances down, going still at the sight of his erection.

"Shit," He mutters, then shuts his eyes tightly when his dick practically pusles, and he can feel along with it a deep yearning that stems from his chest. He needs. He has no idea what but he just knows he does.

It seems that now that he's acknowledged his dick, it demands more of Schlatt's mind to divert it's focus, as it essentially thrums, begging for any sort of contact.

He huffs out air, attempting a laugh while all to breathless for it to actually sound like one. "There's no way," He gasps, shook by the way his voice sounds, all weathered, raspy, and wanton.

There's no way this is the potion he made. One that... A potion that has him painfully fucking hard.

But he's popped a boner by doing absolutely nothing and his head is starting be swarmed with thoughts of a very obvious, very clear, very definite solution most men conclude to when they find themselves with a hard on.

He wants to deny all of it, wants to fight against whatever stupid shit this potion is doing to him. But it gets difficult, it gets gradually more hazy in his mind, ideas and thoughts blurring from tens to no more than three, all of it mixing in his head lazily.

Schlatt asks himself to name three vegetables and fucking fails, only managing to whisper an airy 'pepper'.

He probably would look insane if somebody was here right now.

But he doesn't care, can't care when he the thought of Ted resurfaces and his resolve snaps, hand rushing down to fumble with his pants, coordination slipping away each passing second. Ted's lips flash in his mind, Schlatt's jaw loosens, mouth parted slightly as he rests back into the cushions, messing up his hair. He can't tell whether his hand or his pelvis burns the other more. Ted's own fingers pop up, mind slowly absorbing the thought, drinking it in as his fingers drift, past the pubic hair until-

"Oh my...." Schlatt doesn't finish the sentence, breaking off with a weak moan. His palm grazes against the side of his cock, lighting any and all nerves on fire, sensors going haywire, mind crumbling under pleasure. He's hooked.

He moves to discard his pants, shoving them down sloppily, hands trembling and mind easing into mush, making him clumsy as his hand slips. He decides letting the clothes pile up around mid-thigh is plenty of enough room, biting his lip hard at when the cool air hits his dick, bare and baffling, Schlatt still hasn't come to terms with what exactly is happening, but he's accepted it enough to give in and wrap a hand around his cock. His head falls back, he glances up at the ceiling and tries to keep quiet, finding the desperation that seeps into his tone a little embarrassing.

But, of course, he is desperate and when he begins to flick his wrist and start with his ministrations, he can't stop a needy whine from slipping out of his mouth, lips curving around the sounds of a man full of promiscuous desires, silently begging for them to be fulfilled.

 Schlatt is losing himself little by little, stroking himself and letting moans tumble from him so openly. He knows it's shameful, knows it's absurd more than anything. All this, from a potion. He messed up. He royally fucked himself over and now he's dealing with it. He runs his own thumb over his tip, noticing the concerning amount of pre everywhere. This is not normal, he's reminded for a brief second, then forgoes all of his worries when he does it again, shooting a spike of satisfaction straight up his spine.

"Fuck," He chokes, panting as he ruts up into his hand, not bothering to control his movements as he acts on this crazed instinct, bucking up and tightening his grip ever so slightly. Every bit of warmth swallows him, head fuzzy as he carries on, eyes fluttering shut as a drop of sweat reaches his chin. His throat bobs, body swole with too much, every bit acutely aware of every bit of him that is touching anything else. It makes the touch of his own fingers tracing along a vein even more intense, even more consuming, and he moans loudly, composure tossed aside completely, not a sliver of concern about what would happen if somebody else caught him like this.

Except- he thinks about it as much as his starving self can manage, and blushes when he finds himself picturing Ted hovering over him, suffocating and all over. He imagines his own hand is Ted's and lifts his hips, rocking them forward into his hand with a groan. "Ted," He breathes out, flustering himself at the name, still managing to be bashful about thinking of his best friend in such a intemperate manner, brought upon his focus in a lascivious light.

But Schlatt can't help it, doesn't even think about stopping. He wants it too much, it's all too much. But somehow not enough as he can't get exactly what he needs, still overflowing with an ache he can't place yet, pressing the pad of his thumb to the head, scandalized by how much he's leaking already. He forces his eyes shut and gasps at the overwhelming pleasure.

"Shit," He whispers, and thinks about how Ted's fingers are just a little longer than his, how they'd wrap around him, and he moans, desperation clasping onto every inch of his body he has to offer. "Shi- Ted, Ted."

"Schlatt?"

For the first time since the potion kicked in, Schlatt feels a distant sense of coldness as a chill runs through him, and it nearly gives him a momentary feeling of relief. But when he opens his eyes he sees Ted and goes even more red, all the heat coming back as he stills, any potential vowel dying on his tongue and stringing into an awkwardness that emits from the back of his throat. He's been caught, there's absolutely no way to explain it some other way than what this is.

Ted's standing there, completely dumbstruck, a bag full of food in one hand, right in the doorway.

"Ted?" Schlatt manages, voice scratchy around the edges, inflection full of humiliation as he drags a hand up and waves at the door. "God, Ted, close the damn door!"

"You're-" Ted strangles his own sentence, not succeeding to complete anything comprehensible, his face growing flush with a dust of pink. "I- Schlatt-"

"The door!"

Ted kicks the door shut with the back of his foot, dropping the bag and looking away from the sight that Schlatt surely is. "What the fuck are you doing, man?"

Schlatt feels arousal rise up and he grimaces when his fingers twitch, wanting to return to their original position before Ted interrupted. But he's here and hell, he's cussing at Schlatt which should not be tempting if Schlatt was a sane person. But clearly he isn't and he covers his mouth when his throat flexes with a whine, and he shakes his head.

"Nothing," He stammers out, a total lie. He hates how much he likes how exposed he is, legs partially opened, dick still incredibly hard it hurts, and it's all on display yet Ted isn't looking this way. It makes that restless and horny part of him to beg that Ted would.

But Ted's brows are furrowed as he stares intently at the ground to his left, away from Schlatt, mouth dragged into a stern frown.

Schlatt ignores what he wants for a moment to cover himself decently, trying his best to stave away how his erection is still so obvious underneath his poorly pulled up pants and the pillow.

"I-" He wants Ted to turn to him, wants Ted to gaze at him and call him things, he wants Ted to touch him. But instead Schlatt clears his throat, putting in extra effort to sustain himself and act a little more professional. "Uh, sorry?"

Ted suspects he's covered up, sneaking a peek then facing him when he realizes he's right. His cheeks are colored, saturated with a pink, and he stumbles over his words as he glances at Schlatt cautiously,  eyes shifting all over the place even if Schlatt's still not showing off as much.

"I didn't mean to interrupt- hell, Schlatt," He clenches his fist, Schlatt notices, and he coughs, "Hell, man. What- Why?"

Ted slows down, his other hand numbly patting his pocket as Schlatt coils up into himself with his confession.

"The potion," He says, then instantly stills because...

Well, wait a damn minute- Ted said it at the same time as him. The potion.

"Yes," Ted hisses, wrapping an arm around himself, skin burning. "Something-" He breathes in, dick twitching because he's still caught up in the world where Ted is crowding him up on the damn couch. "Fuck- Ted, something's wrong with it."

Ted's eyes widen slightly. "You tried it?"

Schlat grimaces. "Of course, but you're the one who guessed it was the fucking potion, man! Like you knew!"

"I- what?"

"Did you know something was off?" Schlatt asks, wanting to scold himself for the way his hands grasp onto the pillow when Ted finally concentrates his gaze onto Schlatt, focused and pouting.

But silent, most of all. Ted doesn't say anything, not for a moment, and Schlatt raises a brow in suspicion. To which Ted folds, bringing his shoulders up in a tense position, stiff as he waves Schlatt away and glances to the side.

"No. No. I did not."

"Ted," Schlatt demands, but the weathered addition to his voice makes him sound more like he's pleading Ted for an answer, not commanding him. Which is fair, Schlatt supposes, that's what it feels like. Here, starved for touch from the man in front of him yet so conflicted because he's so annoyed and upset with Ted all the same. Screw the guy, Schlatt wants him, painfully so. "Ted, what did you do to my fuckin potion, man?"

Ted winces, full body caving under the pressure as he shrugs. "I didn't- look this was an accident."

Schlatt groans, hanging his head low to hide the way he rolls his eyes with frustration. His patience is thin, after all, and he can feel himself becoming more and more embarrassingly needy by the second. And it's all because of some stupid accident, Ted says. "Fuck," Schlatt whispers.

"I, mean," Ted starts, shuffling around to retrieve something from his pockets, pulling out a small envelope about the length of a finger and a width of half of his palm as he holds it out, ashamed. "Okay. Okay," He steadies himself, gathering composure and tossing the envelope to Schlatt. "This is my fault."

Schlatt blinks, curious, and can momentarily ignore the aching hunger creeping up on him and he opens it, watching as two small and pink teardrop shaped seeds fall into his palm. "What the hell are these?"

"Uh," Ted blanks for a moment, unable to recall the name as he attempts to curl in on himself like a turtle. But with no shell, he's still sitting like a duck underneath Schlatt's attentive gaze, and the weight seems to make him snap back to his memory as he shrugs. "Astro- no, Amorous seeds! Seeds, Schlatt. They're Amorous seeds."

Part of Schlatt wants to disappear, maybe even come back with the promise that everything would be fixed in this mess like it never happened. Another part, though, the larger part, wants to shout at Ted for fucking up his potion, then to ask Ted to do the same to him as well, of course, in the suggestive manner one would. God, he's so desperate it really is ridiculous.

But he's also very confused, blinking at Ted as he drops them back into the envelope. "Where the hell did you get these?"

"They're a gift," Ted groans, like he's complaining almost, but Schlatt's glare quickly makes him cut himself off as he glances to the side. "Supposed to be, anyways. Look, there was this man-"

"A stranger?"

"Yeah," Ted confesses and moves on to save himself from hearing what Schlatt has to say about that as he bites his lips in thought for a moment, catching hold of Schlatt's line of vision which then diverts to the way Ted clenches his fists for a moment.

He really shouldn't be doing that, Schlatt thinks.

He tries to stave away the arousal that wants to grab control of him, even if it's difficult. He thinks ignoring how his dick basically begs for attention is more professional in the way anyone could possibly manage to be in a situation of this sort of nature. It hurts, of course, as he ignores how crazy uncomfortable he is. He needs to stop thinking about his friend like this, he tells himself, but he knows it won't do anything as Ted carries on.

"He was selling stuff for potions in this wagon of his-"

"Shit." Schlatt presses the palm of his hand to his mouth with a whisper as realization settles in, picking up on where this is going.

"I know you like doing your whole potion thing," Ted says making Schlatt huff with a sarcastic expression before it shifts with the sight of Ted waving his hands around for a moment when he speaks, and Schlatt nearly gets whiplash when he remembers imaging those hands instead of his own. He looks away from Ted, hiding a frown with the way his dick starts to strain against his pants. He tries to look back at Ted again, wondering if he can handle it now, but his eyes are instantly lingering on Ted's mouth, watching as his tongue peaks through, noticing the faint smell of dewy grass he walked through and the diluted rosemary oil he uses for his hair. Schlatt closes his mouth, only now noticing it has opened, and he tries not to look over Ted so amorously. It makes it a little easier when Ted continues with his stupid story, reminding Schlatt that's he's upset with him. "I didn't know what the seeds were, but he was going out of business or something, so everything was super cheap."

"You dumbass!" Schlatt nearly throws the pillow at him, but the hint of cool air ices over his burning skin, lower stomach exposed, his v-line visible, the cold clashing with the heat of his body. He instantly presses the pillow back down as his control of his situation starts to slip, towers of composure tilting over as he feels a needy edge crawl up his spine.

"When did you put them in?" He rasps, noticing the way Ted subtly widens his eyes, still being a little caught of guard by the effects. But he clears his throat and offers a guilty smile.

"When you told me to add the pomegranate seeds."

"Oh, you suck," Schlatt says, regretting it when his thoughts counter back 'I wish he would' with promiscuous intent, makin his cock ache harder. It stings, it hurts, it's not enough. But he retracts his hand and denies himself from removing his pants.

"I didn't mean it." Ted defends quickly, voice wavering for a moment, hoping that Schlatt will believe him. "I poured the wrong packet in, okay. Total accident!" He throws his hands to the side dramatically, then crosses them as he tilts his head. "It was too late, it's not like I could take them out. They fucking dissolved- I didn't mean it. So I throwed in the pomegranate ones as well."

"And didn't say anything," Schlatt points out with a soft groan, pressing his hands down into the couch to try and resist touching himself, half listening as Ted nods.

"And didn't say anything."

"You're terrible," Schlatt breathes out, locking in on his eyes for a moment. Ted's glasses frame glints from the light pouring from the kitchen, his eyes shining, and dammit it looks good, it's gorgeous. He traces down Ted's jawline, fingers tingling at the sight of his throat. It's so stupidly desirable.

"Little bit," Ted agrees. He holds a hand out, which at first leaves Schlatt at a loss, unsure of what he wants. But then he remembers the envelope he placed to the side and huffs out hot air with effort when he moves to hand it back to him.

"You're an awful-" He places it in Ted's palm, his fingers making skin to skin contact, and his heart pounds, loud in his ears, and he can't help but make a move to hold Ted's wrist. It happens within the blink of an eye, because Schlatt remembers to have a bit of sense, and snaps his hand back like Ted bit him. He groans sadly at the seperation, head low with shame, breathless. "Awful person."

Ted swallows, Schlatt watching the movement with hungry eyes as Ted picks up a small pinch of nervousness, unsure of how he should react. Schlatt doesn't blame him.

"Again, Schlatt, I'm sorry, this was accidental," He says, but any worry for his best friend turns sideways in Schlatt's brain and he starts thinking about that same voice whispering a whole bunch of sultry shit into his ear. So he half listens, half zones out trying to focus on getting rid of every horny thought. "I could..." Ted notices Schlatt's partially absent mind and clears his throat, trying his best to go in the route that he thinks is best for this strange situation they've both landed in. "I could try to find out a cure? I could leave and-"

"No." Schlatt cuts him off, not even meaning to say it. The plead just came out, he couldn't help it. But, well, he is starting to need Ted. Badly. And if the man leaves Schlatt has a feeling everything is just going to get worse for some reason. He can't explain it, but he just knows that Ted walking away is going to do the opposite of help. So the alternative is he stays here.

Ted seems rightfully confused, head running through any possible reason Schlatt wouldn't want him to head out and look for a cure. He doesn't seem to find one, Schlatt can tell my the look in his eyes, but he also thinks that's because Ted is blocking out one very obvious answer.

"Just-" Schlatt doesn't know how to put it into words without making his best friend so incredibly uncomfortable. He still goes at an attempt, holding his hand up like a beggar on the road, and gazes up at him. Ted looks down, mouth drawing into a thin line of uncertainty. "Don't go, Ted," He asks, "I need- just touch me, okay? It helps. It helps me, please."

Ted's whole body falters, biting his cheek as he tilts his head in suspicion. "Schlatt, you okay? Are you sure?"

Schlatt nods, making a grabbing motion with his hand. "Ted, come on."

Ted finally seems to cave, shoulders drooping and but his face all tense in expression as he moves to hold Schlatt's hand, long fingers wrapping around Schlatt, palm to palm, and it makes Schlatt feel exhilarated. This is it, this is what he needs, even if it's hardly even halfway to being enough. It actually does help, the touch makes part of his body stop tingling so incredibly much. Of course, it doesn't help with the main issue being his dick, but this is baby steps, he thinks.

He squeezes Ted's hand, insistent, and when he meets Ted's attentive gaze he can't help but squirm where he sits, feeling his whole body suddenly ache with want.

A mere hand won't do.

He breathes out, still embarrassed by how weathered his voice is. "More," He whispers, barely loud enough for the other man to hear. When Ted doesn't make a move instantly, Schlatt lightly tugs at his hand, encouraging him to move in while he reaches his other hand to request Ted's own.

"I-"

"Please?" Schlatt's fingers graze across Ted's knuckles, searching for contact, any at all, and he hides a frown when Ted's hand sways back. They're still holding hands of course, but Schlatt wants more. Needs it, even.

Which is why he feels a moment of straight betrayal when Ted reels his hand back, disconnecting them completely. A heavy rock drops to the bottom of Schlatt's stomach, he frowns, and holds his breath as he thinks of a new way to convince his friend.

That is until Ted moves to sit next to him on the couch, attempting to maintain a serious face to hide all the ways he's lacking confidence as of right now. Schlatt's heart spikes up, eagerness etched into his expression as he twists his torso around.

"Okay," Ted says quietly, accepting the role, offering to help, and it makes Schlatt's chest blossom with warmth, makes his dick twitch inappropriately as the potion swirls through him, making his thoughts hazy and highlighting the way a thick strand of hair still sticks out no matter what Ted does, or the wide bow of his lips which basically call Schlatt's name as they move around the man's vowels. "Tell me what to do in order to help, then."

Schlatt makes a noise of grateful relief, serving Ted with a glance of appreciation, face still flushed. He tries to wipe off the sweat on his face before leaning closer and gesturing to himself. "Could  you, like-" He purses his lips into a downwards shape of contemplation, slight humiliations weighing down the inner points of his eyebrows, leaving them furrowed before he waves a hand aimlessly. "God, I dunno, just hold me, man."

And so Ted does. He moves with too much caution, much to Schlatt's dismay. He needs a bit more directiveness up in here, but Ted is trying to be something close to careful as he reaches his hands out, not sure where to place them, and his lashes flutter when Schlatt darts to move them to his side.

"Oh, hell." Schlatt hangs his head in a whisper, Ted's palms pressing right up against the dumb material of his shirt is enough to soak a reaction out of him, of course. There's a beam of pleasure that shoots south, cock painfully hard, and he holds back a compromising noise as he focuses in on the touch. It's enlightening, it's wonderful, it's everything-

It's not enough, naturally.

His hands move to hold onto Ted's forearms, arching his chest towards Ted in a weird position, legs still facing forward while Ted is to his right. It's not an ideal set up, so he shifts around to fully face him, humming at the hold Ted has on him. "More," He repeats from earlier and this time he gets it. This is the time where Ted listens and follows through.

He pulls Schlatt closer, his knee grazing across the whole side of Schlatt's thigh and it's just enough to make him let out a breathy moan. His hands are holding Schlatt at his waist, eyeing him with a whole bag of concern for his friend. Meanwhile, Schlatt is just trying to figure out how to satisfy the ache in himself in order to end it for good.

He squirms, mouth parted with a pant, and squeezes Ted's arms when his movement causes their legs to brush up against each other even more. The contact makes his skin set on fire, a trail of warmth steadily climbing up to his dick, and he leans forward, not thinking, as his hands slide up to Ted's shoulders and bring him closer.

Their foreheads bump for a moment, the proximity is undoing, and he hangs his head with a flushed face and closed eyes. "Ted it's not enough," He whispers, and he can feel Ted's huff, he can feel Ted adjust his hold on him turn into more of a grip, almost like a warning, as if he knows where this is going. Schlatt doesn't care, because it's Ted's fault anyways. So he carries on, scooting himself closer, pillow nearly falling out of his lap until Ted quickly moves a hand to press it down, which makes Schlatt grunt, shaking his head. "Ted, seriously."

"Schlatt." His voice is gravelly, nearly, and it sends a slight shiver down Schlatt's spine, which could be corny, however, Schlatt can't help it as he's currently losing his mind and everything else he had, namely dignity as he peaks up at Ted and his lashes flutter.

"You did this," He spits out, and he's thankful that there's at least a pinch of anger within his words, otherwise who knows if it would have gotten Ted's attention, who knows if Ted would have even cared. He looks, though, and listens. "So help me."

Ted holds his breath, his hands faltering for a moment, pillow falling as Schlatt takes the opportunity bring himself even closer, thighs slotting as he groans.

"Come on, Ted," He prompts, so obnoxiously desperate but right now isn't the time to hate himself for how he's clinging onto Ted with all of his hope. Ted is silent for a second, shocked perhaps, and then his lips are pulled into a small frown.

"Oh my-"

"Ted."

"Fuck," Ted grumbles, looking away from Schlatt, yet his hands still stay wrapped around him. He blinks repeatedly for a moment, then scrunches his nose. "Schlatt, no, come on, no way."

"Dammit, why not?" Schlatt shoots back, hands falling from Ted's shoulder to cross his arms with frustration, brows knotted together and his dick peaking out, begging anybody for anything, but Schlatt has Ted right here, he wants it to be him. But Ted isn't buying it just yet as he scoffs.

"Why not? Schlatt, holy- what the hell man?" He grips Schlatt tighter for a second, eyes flashing when he realizes this, and brings his hand back and pointedly ignores looking down at where Schlatt needs the most attention. He runs a hand through his hair, attempting to calm himself, but his face is getting redder by the second as he bites his lower lip, trying to find his words, and glares at Schlatt. "I'm not- okay, look, I am not gonna touch your dick!" He throws a hand to the side for emphasis, then it lands on Schlatt's lower thigh, making Schlatt momentarily lose focus, but he does try to listen as Ted's shoulders sag. "You're basically fucking drugged, right? That's what this is?" He looks to the kitchen, attempting to remind Schlatt of his potions, because this is happening because of the potion. Ted does look guilty as he says it though, and Schlatt has a sliver of himself that renders it good that Ted can realize it is his damn fault. "You- shit, shit." He cuts himself off, worry bringing his brows to form a distressed expression to sit on his face as he shrugs twice, stress radiating off of him in waves. "Schlatt, you can't think, you're not in the right mind, so- so I can't, I won't. You don't want this."

There's a piece of Schlatt that actually leaves room for other stupid feelies other than just 'horny and oh my god I need' that allows Schlatt to seethe, his crossed arms coming undone to push at Ted's chest with irritation, lips forming around an ugly snarl as he shoves Ted, all of his bitterness being transformed into something way bigger than itself due to the stupid potion, because apparently it amplifies everything including his anger, not just his desperate need to be touched.

"You don't know that!" He shouts at him, full on, and watches as Ted's eyes widen, clearly not expecting the small outburst, the furrow of his brows written in with ink full of resentment. Ted can sense that the potion must be making his emotions even stronger, though, because he doesn't shout back, and doesn't quite take it to heart just yet as Schlatt takes his hands off of Ted. "Those stupid seeds may be doing numbers, Ted, but that doesn't mean I'm incapable of recognizing my own fucking feelings, okay, I know whether or not I would have wanted this potion or no damn potion."

"I-" Ted swallows instead of finishing that thought, like he's bringing it down to drown, and he chokes for a second on it. "So what- I mean, what you're saying is?"

He doesn't bother to finish, like he thinks he'll get it wrong, like he doesn't believe it, and waits as Schlatt's upset frown lessens itself as he nods.

"Ted, listen, y'know, I was thinking about you coming here today, okay? It was this morning, and, well, yknow, I was sitting there for a moment thinking about this-"

Schlatt moves, hovering his lips incredibly close to Ted's own and watching the way surprise and poorly concealed arousal start to spread across Ted's features.  He doesn't make any move to inch closer, though, just stays there, the warmth of their breathes mingling as he gazes at him.

"I thought about it, I did, man," He confesses, the tips of his fingers tingling as he glides his hand up Ted's arm. "I went like this, yknow."

Ted hums along, attentively following the story as Schlatt moves his other hand up and up, curving around the back of Ted's neck, his skin boiling, stomach clenching with desire as he tilts his head ever so slightly, lips brushing. "Then this, and then..."

He pauses, the possibility to be flustered returning to him as Ted's eyes dampen with the loss of the rest of the story, so he presses on, morbid curiosity sinking into his soul.

"And then what?" He asks, voice low it has Schlatt biting his cheek before he answers, palm pressed flat against Ted's bicep and his other hand curling the hair at the nape of his neck gently.

"And then you kissed me," Schlatt reveals, breathless, anticipation swelling his heart and making it thump against his ribcage. Yes he needs Ted's touch and all of that because of the potion, but really, deep down, he's always kept it to himself that he wants Ted more than anything and needs Ted himself, needs his company and his smug chuckle and everything that makes him so terribly Ted. So he waits, hopeful in a way the potion couldn't have forced him to be, and beams when he feels Ted's lips meeting his own.

The sensation of it all rekindles that ache, desire sparking up ten times larger as his dick twitches and his whine is swallowed by the other, muffled noises dragged out of him as he rolls his hips forward, friction present although minimal. It can still evoke a reaction out of him, of course, as he grinds down onto Ted's thigh, hungry for more as it's not nearly enough despite the delicious sting of pleasure that it creates. He disregards any self preservations that could possibly have remained after basically climbing onto Ted, he throws out any left over when Ted's hand finally wraps around his dick after tugging his pants down.

He lets out this strangled noise, caught off guard by the way it makes his whole body jolt for a second, letting out a breathy "Shit" when his vocals are drawn out into a moan, soaking up the feeling of Ted's hand on him, thumb pressed flat against the side, nearly the tip- and Schlatt can look down to, such a ridiculously graphic sight, but then his vision starts to blur for just a faint second when Ted shifts his hands, actually jerking him off, and Schlatt has to glance away from the stupid amount of pre.

Schlatt doesn't feel quite sedated, though, not nearly there. He huffs a little bit with frustration, then whines with pleasure, the sound escaping his throat whether he ever wanted it to or not, and he drapes himself across Ted, arms thrown over his shoulders. It's wonderful, really, yet there's still this empty part of him that is raging around, demanding to be completed. Momentarily he forgets about it, Ted's lips suddenly grazing across the bare skin of his neck, making his back straighten quickly, the movement out of his control. But then- of course- because Schlatt should've guessed this within his fantasies- Ted starts kissing his neck, a gentle and affectionate thing at first that has him melting. Here is what he should have known though, as Ted presses his tongue flat against his neck, hot and suffocating his skin, before he pulls back onto to pierce his skin in the lightest way he can, making Schlatt gasp. Ted bit Schlatt, wiping the area with his tongue and Schlatt has half the mind to be grossed out by his tongue, but then remembers it was only just recently in his mouth, so it's whatever at this point, especially because there might be bigger fish to fry.

Despite how close he feels to the edge, like he could come at any second, there still remains that lingering shard, stuck in his skin and making him unable to decide whether his body wants to buck up into Ted's hand, or downwards like something's there for him. His breaths are laboured, his eyes have fallen shut, and his hands tighten around the fabric of Ted's shirt he's bunched up into his grip.

"Ted-" He loses himself for a moment, words floating away in the wave of bliss that is repeatedly washed over him. He resurfaces, pulling his face back from Ted's shoulder and feverishly moving his hips and in any other circumstances Schlatt might laugh at himself, saying he's like a dancer. But instead he squints, meeting Ted's gaze the best he can. He tries not to let out a moan when he opens his mouth, face tilted, aim slanted when he kisses Ted. "I'm close, I can- I fucking feel it, Ted."

Ted hums into the kiss, his other hand slithering around to Schlatt's lower back, and he encourages him further with a breathless chuckle. "Mkay, okay," He prompts him, coaxing him with the movement of his hand, engulfing his dick with a relentless warmth, and taking in a sharp breath when Schlatt moans in his ear. "Holy shit-" He cuts himself off, his under-the-breath whispers retreating as he blinks, captured in what just could be named appreciation as he watches Schlatt come undone, a choked groan as uncerminous as his ragdoll against Ted.

Schlatt's attempting to control his breathing again, of course, after realizing he's just ruined his pants, but can't quite seem to care when he notices a daunting fact- the damn potion- he chokes out a soft sob at the sight, head hung low. He's still hard and he still aches, which shouldn't be happening. It hurts, at least a little, how empty he feels, and the hands he had drifting down Ted's body clench as he feels a hint of rage boil within.

"Are you kidding me," He mumbles into Ted's shirt, pulling back, gasping for air. It looks like Ted is about to pull back, seemingly assuming he's done all that Schlatt needs, and he looked near dazed, in a dream. But the reality is making a bubble of panic lodge in Schlatt's throat because no matter how great it is to feel Ted's hands all over him, he needs this burning pain to stop, it drives him crazy. And perhaps the infected, potion drunk, sick part of him wanted to only prove that point, because he jumps at Ted when he makes a move to give Schlatt some space. It's like a hug but instead Schlatt feels like every inch of his sanity is being driven up the walls, and his lips are back on Ted's.

"Ted, don't go," He says, trying for casual, only landing on desperate. He laughs, at himself he thinks, the absurdity of it all, and it's not a pretty laugh either as his eyes prick with single tears, by themselves and waiting for the command to trickle down his flushed cheeks. This all insane, really, Schlatt thinks as he reaches for Ted's wrist. "I still fucking need you, man, I-" He hisses when Ted shifts around slightly, then a surprised noise follows when Ted's moving to quick for him to comprehend and next thing he knows his back slams into the couch, knees bent, facing the roof, and Ted hovering over him with swollen lips because Schlatt couldn't keep away from them.

"I won't go," He confirms, a comforting statement that extinguishes the small crack within Schlatt's chest that was starting to grow, praying Ted wouldn't leave, trying to convince him he would, a circle of self-imposed stress, a fire that Ted quickly kills, pinning him to the couch with his hands on Schlatt's arms.

"Good," Schlatt sighs, shoulders loosening up while the majority of him still stays restless, like his fingers that itch to crawl over more skin, and that stupid fucking hole in him that's making him crumble from the inside out all because he needs a way to be filled. Here, though, when Ted's eyes rake over him, it's pretty clear how he'll get that. Ted seems to be making a similar connection as he lets out a breathy sound, maybe it's supposed to be a laugh? Like he's in disbelief.

"This is insane."

"I know," Schlatt admits, he bends his hand awkwardly, hoping he could meet Ted's, but he's too restrained, and lets his head fall back with a grunt. "Just go with it, please."

"I want to," Ted quickly confesses, then lowering his head, gaze no longer pointed at Schatt, and his hair falls down, blocking his expression. "I want to, Schlatt, but what do I do-"

"Fuck me, Ted."

Schlatt's holding his whole entire life on the line, it feels, breath held up in his legs, chest seized with anxious anticipation as he wraps his legs around Ted. It's almost delicate how he does so, like even after everything that's happened since Ted said yes to this, that Schlatt still needs to be aware off one wrong step, one move in the wrong direction before it all comes crashing down. Because, well, this, and actually for real this time this right here is big. It isn't a handjob to help a friend out, now it's that and Schlatt's stupid confession about already being attracted to him, it's all his thoughts about wanting Ted as something more than a friend-

And now it's asking to have full blown sex. Ted's right, this is insane.

"Fuck," Ted cusses, and Schlatt can easily see the light in his eyes, the excitement to jump at the chance given, Ted's own less wild-like desire creeping up on him. It's tame in the way he craves it, he isn't starved unlike Schlatt, he isn't falling apart, seams ripping, just for the slightest skin to skin contact. But he definitely wants this, nonetheless, and that makes Schlatt swell up with various positive feelings. "For real?"

Schlatt nods, eager. "Really."

"I'll go get-"

"No," Schlatt argues, legs tightening around Ted desperately, flexing with his arms halfway above his head, like losing Ted's grip to hold him down was a loss and he's trying to regain. "I don't need any of that, just fuck me, please."

Ted is a little baffled, but he nods, even his ears pink, and he makes quick work to fully tug off Schlatt's pants, looking back up at him for permission. Schlatt lets his legs drop and soon his whole bottom half is bare naked, the potion's effects grab a hold of Schlatt again, blossoming when Ted's fully naked, like a gift from above maybe. His whole world is tilted when Ted is closing in on him again, crowding him on the couch, and taking hint of the way Schlatt squirms, arms lazily reaching up towards the arm of the couch.

It all lands with Ted's hands pressing Schlatt's wrist down into the couch as he slides into him, hot air tumbling from his parted lips in slow pants as he bottoms out, Schlatt's lower body lifted upwards for better leverage, legs once again wrapped around the man above him.

"Fucking shit," He rushes out, all short-winded already, lifting his head to gaze at the sight where Ted becomes Schlatt, or the other way around, who knows. He moans, looking back up at the ceiling, and arches his back towards it.

He's fucking finally being feed it seems, throwing fuel into the roaring engine that burns him from the inside, that makes him spill out moan after moan, something so whorish but he can't help it when Ted is inside him, dick filling in perfectly. It sedates him the same time it makes him fully lose his mind, going slack while his mouth spits out mantras that bed Ted for more.

He has no idea if he'll be embarrassed after this, he can't think, not when Ted fucks into him, and his brain walks out the door.

"Shit!" He rears his head to the side, meeting his arm, and squeezes his eyes shut with a pleasured hiss, Ted daring to slow down. "Please, Ted, don't you fuckin stop. Don't, I swear, I might fuckin- please."

"God," Ted mumbles, breathy and spent, dragging out the way he sinks into Schlatt, making him impatient, and he offers a small smile in the mix. "This is the most I've ever heard you say please."

"You're crazy," Schlatt spits out, not really knowing what to say. His words sound half-assed, loopy even, and he feels it as the rise and fall of his chest is left alone without Ted's paced thrusts, without any of it, just this slow and tantalizing shift of his hips.

"Aren't you?" Ted counters and Schlatt can't even think of a simple 'no' or any other way to deny him before he picks back up again, shameless with how he rams into Schlatt, actually, and Schlatt's short-lived pillars of composure are striked down again, keening as he balls his hands into fists.

The actual sex sort of feels like living within a heartbeat's pulse, a methodic rhythm surging through, on a timed cycle, continuous and counted on. It's in sync with the messy, needy, and enraptured melodie that supposedly forms with Schlatt's whines and muttered out rambles, paired with Ted's moan when Schlatt dares to try and meet him there, hips bucking. It's the sort of elated flow where Schlatt has just let go, happy with nothing in his head, content with the blurry edges all around because he feels good, so he's perfectly okay when he can't even try to form a proper sentence anymore, rants turning into babbling nonsense as he twists in Ted's hold, back once again lifting from the couch, a perfect crescent bent arc, words failing him as he reaches an orgasm for a second time, this without any warning beforehand, choking on a pleasantly spent groan before sinking into the couch like it could take his body, suck him in fully. But Ted's dick is still in him, he starts to register, and he can feel little prickly tingles of overstimulation start to sparkle.

Ted, thankfully, isn't far behind Schlatt, actually, and quickly moves to kiss Schlatt's neck when he finishes, a strange sort of sentiment, one that melts Schlatt who at least feels like he's passed the solid stage and deformed into a liquid, all loose and so easy to move as Ted pulls out, breathing heavy, gazing at the way Schlatt's still catching his own breath. It's easy for Ted to just lift Schlatt up, like he's boneless, and settle the other into the closet sitting position they'll get as Schlatt closes his eyes, spent like a bitch, he'll admit.

He doesn't yet hold the capacity in his brain to fully realize that his cock isn't no longer painfully hard, but somehow he's able to feel relief about it nonetheless, no matter how little he comprehends it yet. The ache in him is fading away, he can feel it, and his senses slowly trudge back to him through thick mud and fog, leaving Schlatt to gaze thoughtlessly for a while, exhaling loudly as all of the hot air and overwhelming warmth finally starts to float out of his body, no longer trapping him, and he feels lighter in that sense.

Ted is cautious for a second, watching him intently as he runs a hand through his hair. "So did it work?" He asks, he refers to the sex as it, and Schlatt has half the mind to snort at that. Partially because he finds it funny, and a little bit because he doesn't like it.

He takes a moment, making sure he'll be able to speak in a competent manner, and shoots a glare at Ted. "Uh, yeah, the sex we had worked, Ted."

Chips of bliss slowly fall off of his shoulders, clarity approaching Schlatt slowly, his headspace gradually returning to the ground from over the moon, somewhere out there, but it's making its way back, and he groans, exhausted and a fucking mess as Ted huffs.

"That's good," Ted states and Schlatt isn't committed enough to reality yet to throw in a 'no shit', doesn't have train of thought,  so he just focuses on getting the train tracks down as Ted's eyes slide to the ground, meeting their tossed clothes, and oh, that's right, Ted is entirely naked. "It- the sex was good too- as well."

Schlatt pauses, sneaking a glance at Ted and biting his lip, an internal debate rising to storm on what Ted even means by any of it. Is it a simple statement, he should take it at face value, as it is, and leave it there, or is Ted leading up to the point where he says it's never happening again though, or that it will be- Schlatt has no fucking clue, and he thinks it's not even because he got his brains fucked just moments ago.

So he sighs, risking it, and smiles a little. "Yeah, it was. Even if there wasn't any potion involved, yknow, I think it could've been fun?"

And, well, maybe the potions effects haven't worn off just yet, because he's been repeatedly throwing himself out there ever since Ted walked through the door, waiting for Ted to catch him, hoping he'll be reeled in. And he has no idea if he would've been so bold without it, to be honest, he isn't sure. He's thought about handing out some sort of confession, if it had to have a name, in hopes of seeking out whether Ted would return what Schlatt feels here, hand against his chest as he leans back, looking upwards as he swallows nervously.

 "You think so, huh?" Ted eventually asks, a secret plea for confirmation, perhaps, a check for his ears, an offer to Schlatt to take it all back.

Schlatt stands his guard and nods. "I do."

Ted makes a soft and flustered noise, covering it as he aggressively clears his throat, turning away with the blush on his cheeks, and he waves a hand in an attempt to be nonchalant.  "Well, Schlatt, I think I'll just toss it out there," He starts, looking out at the rest of the living room like it's suddenly gotten more entertaining than all the other times he's been here. "Toss out a sort of proposal, I guess."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

Schlatt hums and Ted finally looks at Schlatt. "Sometime in the future we could see, yknow?"

"We could see," Schlatt mumbles, lost for a second, mind circling back, and he gets giddy, leaning towards Ted.

"Yes, Schlatt, we could see how it plays out with no potion, if you want."

Schlatt lets out a short chuckle, amused and delighted, and kisses Ted, near tender. "Sounds like a date, pal, but first we gotta get clean."

Ted seems to only now register the fact that Schlatt's correct, as he glances down at both of their lower halves, and the couch, and scrunches his nose with a distasteful sigh. "Alright," He groans in defeat, ever so dramatic about responsibility, and Schlatt snickers when Ted bends over the couch to retrieve some of the disregarded clothes.

"Oh, of course, and you can make dinner," Schlatt chimes in, watching with a grin from where he sits and Ted huffs, possible disagreement on the tip of his tongue, but holds it down and kisses Schlatt instead.

"Don't complain if it's bad, then, you're now asking for it."

Schlatt rolls his eyes, not deigning him with a response, eyes falling shut. He can't keep them closed for long, though, when he feels a jolt of something cold against his stomach and snaps up only to see Ted pressing a towel to his skin.

"Fuck you," He grumbles, shaking off his alarmed state. Ted, meanwhile, just titles his head with a floppy smile.

"Eh, let's try the other way, maybe?" He suggests and Schlatt, tired enough to be dumb for it, falls straight into the trap as he rubs an eye, grimacing when it doesn't stave away his urge to pass out.

"Fuck me?"

"Oh, dude, maybe later."

Schlatt comes to a halt, seeing the way he's been played, and whacks Ted with the little energy still wavering around in his body. "You're the worst."

Ted only smiles and Schlatt only watches, silently admitting how much he likes the sight, and maybe- possibly- Ted isn't actually the worst.

Schlatt quickly tells himself, though, that Ted is banned from dealing with potions, of course.

Of course.

[pep-the-artemis]

*ominous piano music playing in the background*

young J - *doing manor cleaning as instructed*

young N and V - *pretending to clean as to not get punished*

Cyn - *just vibing, most likely eating something she really shouldn't be*

young J - you know, you three could actually be doing work.

young V - *holding a feather duster*what do you mean, we are doing work? (:

young J - What's the thing your holding?

young V - ...a cat toy? (:

young J - look, its in all our best interests that all four *looks over at Cyn* all three of us to actually work together to keep this place clean!

young N - couldn't we like, just lie and if Tessa's folk ask why a room is messy we make up an excuse like "no Miss Elliot, we did clean this room but then a massive portal opened up and made it all messy again?! Look, we're as shocked as you are".

young J - ...a massive portal... opening up... making a room dirty?! That's gotta be the dumbest thing you've ever said

*SUDDENLY, A MASSIVE PORTAL OPENS UP IN THE ROOM THROWING EVERYTHING ONTO THE FLOOR, FILLING THE ROOM WITH SNOW AND DUST. From the portal, three shoaled individuals emerge.*

J - *throwing of her shoal* there's no time to explain. We are from the future!

young J - OH MY ROBO-LORD, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY? YOUR LEGS?!!

J - oh, yeah, you see there was this landmine and

young J - A LANDMINE?!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN A LANDMINE?!

V - *throwing of her shoal* ok, I feel like your focusing too much on the wrong details so lets reiterate, we are from the future!

young J - WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR LEGS?!!

V - ok, you see there was this second landmine.

young J - A SECOND LANDMINE?! ARE THERE JUST LIKE A WHOLE BUNCH OF LANDMINES LYING AROUND IN THE FUTURE?!

N - *throwing of his shoal* Look, I think we should all take a moment to catch our breaths and just start this conversation again from the beginning. We could even put our shoals back on and step back through the portal if you'd like.

young J - WHY ARE HIS LEGS NORMAL?!

V - ok, so there was a third landmine but SOMEONE was unwilling to step on it.

N -Why would I step on a landmine?!

V - because it would have been funny?

N - maybe to you?! Standing on a landmine sounds like a horrible experience... like I can't imagine anything worse to be horrifically disfigured permanently

V and J - (:

N - *sweating*...and I don't think black prosthetics really fit my style, not that that's a bad thing of course, his to there own I always say. hahaHA *on the edge of tears*

Uzi - ughh *throwing of her shoal*

young N - darkxwolf17?!

Uzi - not questioning the ramifications of you knowing that. We need to focus, no more distractions.

N - hey wheres Tessa?

young N - she's currently having piano lessons.

Uzi - please stop. V.

V - yes

Uzi - NO! The other V!

young V - oh me? Wait, what do you want from me?!

Uzi - what is your glasses prescription?

young V - +4.96... why?

Uzi - ughh, bite me, you see someone (not mentioning names), accidentally broke there only pair of glasses and FORGOT there specific prescription so we couldn't just buy a new one.

young J - you came all the way here for that? That was your urgent, no time to waste problem?!

J - hey, it was Uzi's idea to say that, don't look at me

Uzi - it's just something you say after time traveling get used to it. Wait, who's that?

young N - *picking up Cyn* oh, this is Cyn, my little sister. Say hi Cyn... she's a little shy don't mind her.

Uzi - Cyn! C-Y-N ... that Cyn?! *turning to V* is this really the person you've been mistaking me for all this time?!

V - Don't blaim me, its not my fault all short people look the same.

N - welp, I think its best we get going.

young J - so you're just going to leave us with all this mess?!

Uzi - yeah, good luck with that.

N - yeah, sorry about that... *looking around* yeah this is real bad isn't it, if Tessa's folks found out they'd kill you for sure.

*long pause*

young V - wait, wouldn't that create a paradox?

N - almost certainly.

young V - oh

*young N,V,J look around at each other before walking out of the room*

N - wait, where you going?!

young J - that whole paradox stuff sounds rough and very painful but also not our problem, have fun though.

*Uzi follows the group out of the room*

J - where do you think you're going?!

Uzi - my life's not a risk of paradox torture. Gonna try and find out if your childhoods were as really bad as you made it out to be.

*long pause*

V - you really had to open your mouth, didn't you.

[tumorhead]

RIP Piper the Cat, 2006-2024

Life details below

This is the first cat that I've been the one to care for that has died, and the first cat in general I'd been around for the death of. She died simply from old age, so she wasn't in distress at the end, just getting sleepy and slow. She had been quickly deteriorating for several days and had stopped eating (I have been crying SOOO much) and we finally called the mobile vet so she could be put to sleep, and she went peacefully at home in my arms. These last few days she got to enjoy lots of outside time in the summer sun lying in the cool grass- all off her leash too since her mobility was so reduced. She got to be around a bunch of our friends all weekend too- she loved to be near everyone.

We got her 10 years ago when we had a "friend" move in - he had been neglecting her badly (I was SO PISSED at him!!) so when he left we kept her. She was underweight and had permanent nerve damage in her ears from untreated ear mites, as well as kidney issues. I was able to fatten her up and get her into good health. But in the last few years she's been properly elderly (she got thin, started losing her ability to jump) and we knew her time would be soon.

She had the smarts and the stealth of a high level rogue. Her black color made her impossible to see in the dark, and she knew when to wait patiently for an opportunity (to escape or steal food). Often though this just meant she got stepped on (dammit Piper!!). She escaped 2 times right when her previous owner left, a few days each time. She found her way back 🙌 Recently she got out for a few hours and I only found out when I heard her meowing from OUTSIDE. babygirl you coulda gotten hurt 😭

She loved boxes and would get into empty ones immediately. When she was younger she was a renowned shoulder cat. She used to be able to jump from the floor to my husband's shoulders (a good 6 feet). She'd try to get on your shoulders any chance she got, like if you bent over. As she aged she slowly lost her jumping ability which was so sad to see, we got her some step stools and were helping her up a lot.

Our other cats, half her age, had differing opinions- Mo the boy would be sweet on her and play with her very gently (he's huge and muscular and she was always small and frail but he knew to not wrestle her). Piper would chase him around in return. (in March we were building Ikea furniture and Piper got so hyped at the fun boxes that she BODYSLAMMED Mo it was so funny). Mo is gonna be sad about Piper being gone.

Sweatpants, Mo's sister, HATED Piper. She took 5 years to tolerate being anywhere close to her, lots of hissing and smacking. Rude at the old lady!! At the end though she left Piper alone at least.

Piper was the only cat I've ever had that LOVED being held especially in the winter. One time I strained my shoulders because I held her for 2 hours. She would beg to be picked up. She would get in your lap and would even lay on my husband's arms while he was actively using his computer. She didn't care that you needed your arms to do stuff.

She liked to sleep in a box on my desk while I worked. I crocheted her a little wool blanket for her box with my scrap blanket yarn (pictured above). She is now buried in it 💔. She liked to look at art (????).

She was very social and loved to hang out with everyone. She would yowl and bring toys trying to get us to come out of hiding if she thought people were gone. Usually we were just SLEEPING though, lol she was soooo loud.

She was almost entirely fearless. Barring street traffic and going to weird places she gave 0 fucks. She used to be an indoor/outdoor cat so she got bored stuck inside our house. In her search for new stimuli she would get into the middle of EVERYTHING you were doing. Doesn't matter if you were actively using power tools or moving heavy furniture - she would get in the way. She didn't even mind the vacuum! When my other cats ran away in fear of sounds or whatever she wouldn't budge. Couldn't be bothered.

A few years ago I got her trained on a harness and leash to let her get outside again. She begrudged the harness but took to it immediately anyway and loved it. She would CONSTANTLY beg to go outside. She begrudged the boundaries (no you can't go in the woodchuck hole, no you can't stick your nose in the cactus, no its below freezing outside today) but she loved chasing chipmunks and eating grass (was very fond of the prairie dropseed in particular). I am so happy that she departed during warm weather- I was worried she'd go in winter and not get to enjoy one last springtime.

She would only eat ONE kind of dry cat food even though wet food was always also available. We eventually found out she loves milkfat and grease so she got lots of treats of butter & cheese & hamburger & bacon. Because she was so thin these the last few years it helped keep weight on her. she CAN haz cheezburger! This made her even more annoying about getting into people food lol.

In November our friend moved in with us because she was dealing with a nasty divorce and got kicked out of her condo. She moved into our spare room, which was Piper's little exclusive territory. Luckily my friend likes cats and accepted her "roommate". She immediately doated on her soooo much. She got Piper special healthy treats and they became best friends- Piper even put on some weight from the treats! (We found the "too many treats" limit at one point lol). I'm so glad Piper got even more attention in her last few months. (When my friend paid attention to the other cats she felt like she was "cheating on Piper"). My friend saw a lot of herself in the cat. She has helped me a ton in dealing with Piper's last days and I appreciate it so much. My friend even said she wished she'd moved in sooner to have gotten more time with the cat.

Piper was disgusting, she puked up grass often, she was LOUD (she'd meow for things and if she didn't think you heard her she'd look you in the eye and yell louder), she'd find things to rattle (food dish, door) to demand food. She would escape into the basement (not allowed!) and get into the crawlspace and come back covered in spiderwebs. She'd yowl sooooo much at night, the most annoying. She'd get into food left out. She was an obnoxious little gremlin !!! and we loved her anyway.

I knew when we took her in that she'd be the one to teach me about death, as I am an unexperienced idiot when it comes to that. Putting her in the ground felt so weird and hurt so much, but now I know about that sort of thing. I am thankful for that, and that I got to take care of her and give her a spoiled, pampered, comfortable life. I am thankful that I was able to see her go peacefully, and that she trusted us with her final days.

I have buried her in our yard in one of my perennial flower beds, under the big beech tree. She will live on with us through the garden, becoming flowers and trees, which I think is the best kind of afterlife. That way it feels like she's still with us. I am glad she has impacted several other people and we are all crying about her. Thank you Piper for coming into my life. Everyone loved you so much. Rest in peace old lady. I love you.

[jeschalynn]

Ask game!!!!! bamboo, daffodil, and papyrus  please!

bamboo ⇢ do you change into a different outfit when you get home?

if I don't need to go out again, it's pajama time. That usually means a tank top or t-shirt with sweat pants, shorts, or something similar. Oh, and no socks, slippers 100%. My work clothes aren't too bad especially when I get to wear t-shirts and maxi skirts most of the summer that are loose and comfy. When its hot and humid, I really don't want to stay in the same clothes when I get home if I don't have to.

daffodil ⇢ do you have siblings? if yes, in what ways do you think you’re similar to or different from them?

I have a younger brother and older step-brother. Biggest differences are probably health-related (I'm chronically ill, neither of them have what I do) and they drink/light up recreationally where I don't. They both have a dry, snarky and witty sense of humor. They're hilarious, I love them so much. Also, we're cat people.

Similarities with my younger brother:

We have lot of the same hobbies/interests and it's very "easy" for us to spend time together without much bickering about what to do or talk about. Our dad raised us mostly by himself and we ended up liking a lot of the same games, TV shows, etc. The dinosaur craze in the 90s was awesome because we were both obsessed and got to share a bunch of really neat Jurassic Park toys. lol We get together to hangout or see movies if our schedules align (he works night shift so its tricky). We saw the new Alien movie with our dad the other day.

And for my step-brother:

We're both avid readers. He is a talented writer too but doesn't do that much anymore, his creative interests are music-based these days. He's known since we were teens that I write fanfic and original stories and he's very supportive and encouraging.

I also have an older half-brother but I pretend he doesn't exist.

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

Sad Girl - Charlotte Cardin

Oh god. Okay, typical breakup song but it feels so heavy for some reason? It reminds me of the sort of music I listened to after a really bad breakup when I was younger. Yeesh.

random get-to-know-me ask game

[sunshine-in-a-bottle]

I fantasize every single day about having my own house, decorated in a bright flourish of colors and filled with fun silly knickknacks and the comfiest furniture. I'll have a dishwasher and a washer/dryer set, and enough windows to let the light in. I'll have ac and heat, and a fan just in case. The lamps will have fun shapes, like flower bulbs, and there will be a clock that makes noises every hour like the one in my parents house.

My bed will be a queen size, and it's gonna have fun sheets and covers and maybe even something crocheted for the top (I would have the money to buy someone's work, to pay them what they deserve.) I'll put up glow in the dark stars on the ceiling, and do wallpaper on some walls and paint on others. No carpets, but a couple of rugs and mats with pretty patterns.

One of the rooms will be a small library, only half- filled because I have so much more I want to read. It'll also have a work desk maybe for my computer and a sketchbook, and there's plushies peeking out off some of the shelves.

There's gonna be a basement, and that's where all my art stuff will be. An art studio, but it's not fancy, and it's going to be messy as all hell, but I'll get to work with clay on the wheel again, paint things on a big canvas, or just draw. Maybe accidentally drink paint out of my mug. There'll be a fan in the basement window to keep the air down there from becoming too bad.

I'll have one dog and one cat. The dog will get training and get to go to a groomers and he'll protect the house but also get so many kisses and snuggles, and when I walk in to get a cat I'll ask who's been there the longest and who needs the most help, maybe an elderly cat, and I'll love it forever. It'll have toys and a cat tree and two litter boxes. I'll make time to walk the dog every week, and we can go to a dog park for many zoomies.

I want a guest bedroom that's clean and always ready to go, so my friends will always have a safe place to be if they need it. They can come over for fun times and we can make food together, and some of them will get antsy and ask to do dishes with me cause they want to help, so I'll rinse off the dishes and they can put them in the washer, or vice versa. They'll never have to, because they're my favorite guests in the whole world, but I'd never let them stew in anxiety over a couple of plates.

I don't have a green grass lawn. I hate mowing. There's gonna be flowers everywhere instead, and I'll have a bunch of written notes about where the sunlight goes and how much shading there is so I can make sure each plant gets the proper amount of light. I'll have a list in my big binder, all the flower names and where they are and what they need. I know it'll take me years to get everything set up and grown, but it'll be a really big reward to have butterflies and birds. There will be a big multi-feeder like my grandma has, and a squirrel feeder opposite side of it to keep them separated. I want a gooseberry bush so I can make a pie. I'll have a composter. I'll have overwhelming amounts of zucchini and sheepishly offer them to my neighbors every year. I want to be friends with all my neighbors.

I'll know all the people in the neighborhood and their kids, I'll say hi and give them food and be a part of the community. When the kids go out and play on our street like I did as a kid, they'll be safer cause I'll be an adult worth trusting. My dog will always be happy to see them and I'll never be mean and yell at the kids when they get too rowdy. If a neighbor wants to be left alone I'll leave them be, but I'll make sure they know I'm here if there's ever an emergency or they need a working phone, like our old neighbors did for us.

I'll have a ramp and no steps to get into my house, because I want my friends on wheels to be able to easily get inside my house. If I gotta have stairs inside my house, I want to someday afford one of those wheelchair lifts so they're not stuck to one floor. The floor space will be clean and open enough for the chair to zoom everywhere. I'll have a shower that's handicap accessible like the one in my family home now, along with a huge bathtub. I'll make my home accommodating in all the ways they suggest so I can have my friends be safe and comfortable when they're with me.

I could have a pond out in the back, like my grandparents did. Get toads every summer, get some fun plants to make it a diverse ecosystem. It would be lined with big rocks and the birds would like it, even if the water isn't clear. Could also get a bird bath. I'd take my grandmother's books about identifying birds with me, so I can learn about which ones are coming to my garden. I'd learn about all the different insects scuttling through the dirt.

There'd be two medical kits, one in the bathroom and one in the kitchen. Everything would be organized so I don't have to go rummaging through drawers at 3 am for a bandaid.

It wouldn't always be the cleanest place, because I know myself, but once a month I could hire a cleaning service and pay them to help me. It might be a little awkward at first, but I'll be very nice to them and check to see if I can leave a tip for the hard work, and maybe offer them zucchini bread.

I don't watch TV, but I'd probably have a small one in the living room that has a DVD player, perched in one of those wood shelves that have cupboards filled to brim with movies and shows and even music I like. I'd have them on in the background while I do things, cause I need the audio. I won't have to pay for streaming sites because every show I love I can hold in my hands.

I can never bring myself to hang my clothes up in a closet, so I'll have a couple baskets of clean clothes I can look through. I'll learn how to iron. I'll be able to pay to have my clothes tailored to fit me. The closet will have Legos in it instead, or some very soft nerf guns, or board games I know I love. I'll make messes I won't clean up for a week, but I'll be able to build a Lego city with my friends when they come over or build marble towers.

I'll host tea parties where we can have fun and dress up in pretty clothes, and costume parties where my friends can come and show off their cosplays. There'll be good food, maybe potlucks. I'll learn how to be a good host and maybe my friends will make friends with each other sometimes. Every holiday and season will get its own special flag that I'll hang outside my house. I'll have a welcome mat at the door.

I'll have pictures of my friends hanging up on the wall. I'll have paintings from artists I love. I'll have figurines and interesting rocks I found.

I'll have my friend's favorite sweets in the pantry for when they come visit. My fridge will always have food in it. There's vanilla ice cream in the freezer. The fridge won't have any fancy computers and alexas inside, none of my stuff ever will, but it'll have a long lifespan and be easy to repair.

I'll have the family piano and my violin case on top of it. My guitar will be safe in its stand. They'll all be clean, tuned, and well cared for. I'll never be forced to play an instrument ever again, but I can always pick them up again, and it'll be my choice.

There will always be clean water. I can walk around my whole neighborhood safely. I can go to the park and climb something. A grocery store might even be within walking distance! (But there will be a bus line that can take me there if not, or maybe a train, if the future is kind.)

The roof will be well tended. I might have solar power and a backup generator. The house's siding will be nice and clean. I'll have a nice fence that doesn't go too high so I can chat with my neighbors if they like.

I'll have a calendar on the wall to mark off each day, and even if there will be bad days (cause there will always be bad days) at least I know that I lived through another one. And that's definitely good enough.

[wren-dust]

Puppy & Kitten

mingi x gn!reader

Warning: none as usual it’s fluffy that’s about it. although please give me ideas on what to write i play a sport and literally have no time to come up with an idea but once i get one i write until i’m done.

you and mingi had always wanted a pet whether it was a dog or a cat but neither of you seemed to have any time for an animal well until now. see you recently got a new position at your job where you actually work from home. with that being the case you decided to surprise your boyfriend with a new pet when he got home from his tour which gave you very little time because he’s supposed to be home tomorrow and your supposed to pick him up from the studio at 3pm. and now your at a shelter trying to pick between a puppy and a kitten. when a worker saw your struggle she came over to help.

"hi do you need some help." you were beyond relieved at the idea of having someone help you.

"yes that would be great."

"do you know what you looking for so we can get an idea to start."

"not really i’m trying to surprise my boyfriend with a pet because we finally have the time to care for one but i’m torn between a cat or a dog." she stands there looking lost in thought for a moment before she seemingly comes up with an idea.

"we actually got a cat and dog pair that we can’t separate if you’d be willing to try and adopt them both?" you weren’t quite sure but you wanted to try and meet the animals before answering her.

"uhm can i meet them first?" she nods her head and takes you to the back where you sit and wait for her to bring the two out. when she does bring them out you knew it was game over you were immediately in love. she had came back out with a pitbull and a fluffy calico.

"i’d love to adopt them both is there anything i need to know about them."

"perfect i’ll bring the papers and they’re both boys, fully vaccinated, and are both around a year old that’s about it other then to get lots of toys they’re both very playful." you nod and signed the papers and as recommended got a bunch of toys for each as well as food, crates, beds and anything you could think of and finally you were home setting everything up. by the time night rolled around and you were ready for bed both your new pets fell asleep curled around you.

——————————————————————

you had just picked up mingi and were excited to bring him home for his surprise. he was happily talking your ear off the entire ride home and you helped him grab his bags when you finally got home. once you got to the door you set his bags down and told him to put down what he was holding he looked confused but complied and you both stepped into the house. in record time you were both greeted at the door by your two pets and mingi looked so happy you were so glad you got them both. he was jumping around and then he sat down on the floor to get attacked by two balls of fluff and he was so excited. when he finally stood up he look at you with the brightness smile on his face.

"there both ours right like we’re keeping them both.” you of course nodded to him and you looked as if you hung the stars.

"what are they’re names?”

"well the dogs name is orion and the cats name is pluto.” he was excited and went right back to petting the two only now calling them by name.

he stood back up straight and gave you a hug.

“i love you so much thank you.” then he kissed you showing you how much he a appreciated this.

[songbirdstew]

This is just a cat complaint blog

Glitch is a hunter. She eats everything she kills. Because we don't want her killing birds, we keep her inside now. Because she eats actual vermin, we give her a preventive worming pill. (She's called Glitch because she's full of bugs.) She used to be THE BEST GIRL at taking her pill. I wrapped it in a pill pocket and she would gulp it down and ask for more pill pockets. That worked the first three times. Now she refuses to have anything to do with the pill and nothing I try is working. Fuck yo pill pocket. Fuck yo fish paste. Fuck yo wet food. We do have a pill plunger, but I was hoping to avoid it, thinking it might make things harder in the long run, but at this point, I think it's our only option.

(And if you're wondering, Does she really need the pill if she's an indoor cat now? Reader, every time I think the same thing, she comes trotting down the hall, tail waving like a flag, with a fucking rodent screaming in terror in her mouth. I'm glad she disposes of them so that I don't have to [make Curtis do it], but it does have its own set of complications. And yes she gets flea meds, too.)

A few weeks ago she came down with a bout of cystitis. So we've had to spend a couple weeks giving her pain meds, switch to a different litter, switch to wet food. Thankfully she likes the fancy litter and she took to it immediately & stopped peeing on the couch. Both girls are picky about the wet food they get (bitch, you eat mummified shrews, the fuck you on about. Eat your goddamn pate.) She's doing much better now. But between the lack of infection and her ever-present bald patch, the vet said it's clear she's suffering ongoing anxiety. She recommended trying other things before resorting to Prozac, but also was realistic about it maybe being impossible to actually figure out what all the problems are and how to address all of them.

She's adjusted well to being indoors, as long as she can look out the front screen door. As soon as it got too cold to leave the front door open, she started panicking. We made space for her to look out the picture window, but she like. Has no self esteem. And she thinks she can't jump that high. Reader, she can. It took her a while to learn how to jump, and she seems scared of heights, but she recently figured out how to get up on the bathroom counter, and the shelf by the window is the exact same height. She got as close as putting her front paws on the middle shelf and crying once. Curtis brought in a speaker cabinet that's exactly half the height of the top shelf, so now she has a booster step. It took a few days, but I finally saw her hop on the booster and then onto the shelf to look out the window. ... It was night.

She's up there right now, but she's sitting the wrong way.

Turn around, ya dingus:

We know a huge source of her stress is Charlie. We think Glitch would love to be friends with Charlie, but Charlie Hates Everyone, especially Glitch. We do have pheromone diffusers, and they do really help. Vet said in her personal experience, the collars do not help that much, especially if your cats already hate wearing a collar. We got them some Composure treats, and those also seem to help. Unfortunately, they made Charlie bold enough to come into the kitchen specifically to steal Glitch's food. 🫠 Which is not helpful when Glitch is snubbing her food bc there's tapeworm medicine in it. 🫠🫠🫠

During her cystitis, we let her outside supervised a few times. It seemed comforting for her to go potty outside in the dirt again, and to eat a bunch of grass. I have a couple starters of oat grass and catnip seeds going now, so they can both have fresh greens indoors. The wheat just sprouted. I might have to start over with the catnip.

If anyone else needs a suggestion on giving their anxious cat a busy toy, I scattered some of Glitch's favorite treats into the bottom half of an egg carton. The cups are just deep and narrow enough that she doesn't want to eat right out of it, so she has to figure out other ways to get the treats out. It's lightweight enough that she can bat it around and pick it up and fling it over and over. If the treats go flying, she gets to hunt them down. I can tell she thinks I'm EXTREMELY RUDE to do this to her, but it keeps her occupied for a good 20 minutes, and she gets treats.

TL;DR cats are terrible don't get one

Or. Only get one. Don't get two.

[cheeriecherrymain]

I don’t know what it is about my/my parents’ house in particular, but almost every stray cat that has stumbled into our neighborhood has eventually walked in our back door and refused to leave.

This has happened eleven times over the past thirty years. My parents are baffled. My brother is baffled. I’m less baffled because I’m the person who put little shelters at the back of our yard, but I’ve only been doing that for about eight years! The cats were taking up residence even before that!

Anyways we have another cat now, as of about twenty minutes ago. Horrible yowling from the back door - mom opened it and a great big orange tabby came marching in like he owns the place. Like, do cats gossip? Do they tell each other to go to certain places if they want a warm bed???

Anyways we’ve got him quarantined in the bathroom for the time being, with a bed, some food and water, and a bunch of catnip toys, which he seems to be enjoying. 

I want to name him Bean. My brother wants to name him Cheeto. My parents want to name him Tiger.

Enjoy your new life, my dude.

[ultralaser]

thinking today about all the social media sites i have lost over the years

2018/9 to today - twitter

cause of death - a robber baron having a midlife crisis, or maybe a multi level marketing scheme of authoritarians aligning to take down a protest hub

what we lost - a reliable, expansive feed of traditional Wierd Internet, breaking news, esoteric discourse, and minor celebrities who might actually follow you if you had a good bit of humor or outrage go a bit viral

2010 to 2018? - instagram

cause of death - facebook buyout, the algorithm, monetization

what we lost - started as a nice way to share pictures, then it became very difficult to see your actual friends pictures under all the Content, then they pivoted to video (stories aka snapchats), then they pivoted to video AGAIN (reels aka tiktoks), now they've somehow pivoted to video YET AGAIN and buried your friends reels under an avalanche of reposted tiktok Content, if they havent all been shadowbanned anyways for only posting pictures

2008 to 2018/9 - tumblr

cause of death - yahoo, digital gentrification, a legitimate need to clean out all the csm that went really badly and ended up breaking everyone's trust

what we lost - a full decade of community building of all the quirky independent artisinal discourse this site became known (and then maligned) for, leading to the last three years of twitter users whinging endlessly about tumblr bs while i'm all "why are you booing us, we're right!" bc this is where we were radicalized and twitter is where trump happened

2000? to 2015? - facebook

cause of death - nazi apologia, maga regulatory capture, broken ass algorithm, pivot to video, "it's meta now", etc etc

what we lost - it started as a fun simple way to keep up with your family, and friends from hs and college and old jobs, and to share cat photos and baby photos. it ended up as a radicalization vector for turning your grandparents into far right trolls.

2003ish to 2005ish - my movie critic friend luke's web forum on his personal site

cause of death - actually i don't remember, it might still be there, oops. but probably hosting fees vs just moving to facebook

what we lost - a fun little community of luke, me and some of his other internet friends, some of his irl friends, and his cool irish uncle, plus random angry strangers, just talking mostly positively about movies. it was a good vibe, felt like working at the movie theatre again

1999? to 2002? - killingmachines

cause of death - hosted on a server in my brother's office, which died and killed the archive and also nuked the code, which, will definitely happen to someone's mastodon instance in the next 3-6mos, oops

what we lost - a budding community of us and our friends and also a bunch of early internet randos i never regained contact with but still remember fondly to this day

1999 to 2001ish - the raving toy maniac "toy buzz" forums on toymania dot com

cause of death - hosting fees, the internet changed, my group had already aged out like two message board generations ago as we graduated hs, etc

what we lost - being yelled at for going off-topic unless we were hiding our conversations in replies to old posts way down the board, a community of like minded toy nerds who absolutely believed that scalpers were an organized cartel ruining the hobby for everyone else, the naivete of the late 90s dotcom era, getting to watch week old posts and reply chains slowly disintegrate as they fell off the bottom of the page, getting to append NT for no text to posts where you put your whole short reply in the post title so no one needed to click through to that post on slow-ass dial up connections. but also, the pure anticipation we all felt for the star wars prequels in the summer of 1999 when all we had was a trailer, a promise, and a MOUNTAIN of merch on the way

1995 to 1999 - email

cause of death - too much god damn email

what we lost - a manageable amount of primarily non-spam email. 95% of what email used to be is just what facebook became, and twitter perfected it, becoming what email could have always been but never got to

[jodilin65]

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 1991 I returned home yesterday around 10:00 in the morning. All of us had gotten up at 7:30 that morning. I had had only 4 hours of sleep. It was never as hard as I thought it would be to get up the whole time I was there. My sleeping hours varied from 4-8 hours a night. Usually, it was 6 hours. I’ve got to be careful now as I got up at 4:30 this afternoon. I went to bed last night at around 2 AM. All that running around and constant activity and lack of sleep caught up to me. I’m not used to getting up early in the morning so many days in a row.

Kim quit her job at New Medico and may be returning to Baystate rather than Mercy Hospital. She said that starting January 6th, she’ll never be home. I told her she never is anyway. She currently is working 3 days a week but has a billion other activities. She said she did this as she figured (along with Tammy and me) that I’d be moving on January 2nd. I wonder why she makes it a point to try to never be home? Could it be cuz of Mark? I don’t know, cuz she’s always complaining about how she never sees him.

Well, I think I’ll write more about my visit with Tammy, Bill, and the girls later. Believe me, I have lots to write. I had a lot of fun, yet at the same time, it’s cool to be home.

I’m gonna go and listen to music and watch some videos they’ve lent me. Also, Kim’s home.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 1991 Today was the Thanksgiving dinner which was very nice. Tammy’s a swell cook.

Bill’s sister and niece were here and they’re both very nice. It has been quite some time since I’ve last seen them. At one point, Tammy, Etta (Bill’s sister) and I discussed the funny and creative parts of my phone calls, told jokes and Etta even heard a part of the edits. She also saw my drawings.

I’ve had more fun than I’d anticipated. It was great playing with the girls and seeing all their toys and stuff.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 1991 I just got a bunch of new markers. They were supposed to be for one of those geometrical design drawing books, but we couldn’t find any at the mall. We also could not find Gloria’s songbook. It seems as if no one has it. I can’t understand why. I got 32 markers though. I got 16 skinny ones and 16 fat ones. Even though I was unable to find my design book, I’m sure I can find plenty of other uses for these markers.

Lastly, I got two new and very beautiful journals. They’re just as nice as this one, which I consider my best except they have no gold trim.

I’ll probably wait till I get home before I really write. I mean, about my visit here along with other stuff. That way I’ll have privacy and will be able to concentrate a lot better.

I only hope and pray to God I move soon, but still, what kind of life will I have? Will I ever meet anyone? I’m gonna miss my apartment so much and even now, I’m feeling a little homesick.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 1991 Believe it or not, I just let Tammy read part of this journal. She asked if she could and when I asked why she said it was so she can understand my thoughts. I figured that half of the stuff she’d never understand or couldn’t relate to. She and I are two totally different people. Our dreams, goals, wants, needs, personalities and ways of life. I’m a conversationalist and an open person. Of course, I have my moods but I like to laugh as much as I can. I like to try and not take things so seriously if I can. If a person can’t understand something I say, I give up right then and there.

Tammy’s really changed the place around since I was last here. It looked smaller than I remembered when I arrived here. Probably cuz she’s gotten a lot more stuff. Plants and knickknacks and all kinds of stuff. Also, it probably appears smaller as I moved to a place much bigger.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 1991 I’m lying here on my bed while I write. Shadow is lying next to me. I’ll miss him when I’m gone. He’s not used to not having me around, so I’ll have to cat-proof the place. Meaning anything he can destroy will need to be put in drawers or closets. Poor little guy. Kim’s going to feed him and play with him. Also, she’s gonna grab my mail for me. I still have some last-minute things to do before I go. I’ve got to finish making my Chanukah banner and pack some last-minute items. Things like my CDs, meds, drawing stuff and this journal if I do not finish it in time. I still have to change Shadow’s litter box.

Tammy said we can leave anytime we want but to call her when we’re on our way. I’m on antibiotics that make me drowsy so I hope I’ll sleep a few hours before we leave. It’s damp, rainy, miserable weather out and that may make it easier to sleep. I also played a little guitar last night which also helped me to relax. I’ll also need to take a shower before I leave as my hair needs to be conditioned. I also want to straighten my hair out, do my nails and shave. I’ve shaved my calves and under my arms but I want to shave my thighs. I will set the VCR to record In the Heat of the Night and Law & Order. Tammy says there’s a TV downstairs so I can watch what I want down there. But if I’m busy, that’s the show I’d not want to miss most of all.

At 8:00 or 9:00 tonight, it’d sure be nice to sleep till 4:00 or 5:00. I know that’s wishful thinking, though.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 1991 Only another two days before I get the hell out of this cage. Don’t get me wrong, though. There’s only so much of being around people I can take. Therefore, when it’s time to come back, I’ll be happy about it. Not for too long though. Eventually, I’ll be climbing the walls again in utter boredom. Especially if I do not move by Jan. 2nd. Of course, I’ll be up all fucking night long so I’ll write and sit here waiting till Andy calls. That’ll be any minute now.

I thought Kim was coming over to read Andy’s letter. Oh, of course not. 98% of the time she’s busy, tired, working, sleeping or on the phone. I do appreciate her picking up my refills, though.

As much as I like Kim and admire her in several ways, remember what I always said? I give what I get. And even though I don’t expect to be with her all the time, she led me to believe we’d be doing more things together. I feel very abandoned even though she had her own problems. She knows how I feel, too. We’ve talked and I know she hates her job and has been overburdened by Bob. She’s going to be quitting her job, though. We’ve discussed many things and I am so happy about the many things she’s done for me. She really has helped me out here and there, mainly with money. But at the same time, she knew what she was doing from day one. She knew what she’s told me. She’s abandoned me since day one. As much as I have numerous things to be grateful for, I must give her what she’s given me. That is to abandon her 100% when I move. I’m sorry but I’ve got to do it. Within reason, I treat others as they treat me. She is, however, a character I will never ever forget and am very lucky to have really gotten to know. Kim and I have many ideas, philosophies, and interests in common yet she is the complete opposite I usually never get. She is that so-called “up there” and “decent” person I never could get as a friend, one-nighter, or a lover. I am accepted by people like her once in a lifetime and I know I’m good enough and deserve her type now. However, people like her will no doubt continue to draw false or harsh conclusions about me. I know that and I accept that but that’s their problem and I know the truth. There are a lot of facts I’ll never be able to change but I’ll never take them to heart.

There are two different numbers that give you your horoscope and the bulk of the things they say are true. However, since they’re talking about people of my sign in general, some things are a little off. They said not to spend the holidays entirely with my family. Do I have a choice?

Andy just called and we were just starting to chat when his neighbor Laurie came over. He’s gonna give me my one-ring signal later.

I’ve got to get a battery pack for my cordless phone Kim gave me. She said she’d pick one up as she was going to the phone store they’re sold at but never did. Even though they cost around $8, from what she told me, I’ll pick it up myself. Just giving me that phone along with other stuff she didn’t want is so generous. It’ll be a while before I can afford to buy it, but when I do, they’re supposed to last up to a year.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 1991 I am so pissed! Why oh, why can’t I fucking fall asleep? I know I’ll be up till 4:00 or 5:00. I used to like being a night person and now I hate it. If I absolutely had to get up at the same time every day, I’d only sleep for 4 hours or so. I am exhausted, though. I’m drop-dead tired. So then why can’t I sleep? I don’t want to take up sleeping pills. You need more and more of those to knock you out as time goes on, they’re addicting too, and you also need to take an upper to wake up in the morning. I’m so fucking pissed!

Later…

I had a bite to eat and listened to some tapes and CDs for a while. It is now time for me to try my damnedest to fall asleep. I know the main part of the problem is the Theodur besides being a night person. Perhaps I didn’t have enough coffee. You know how that is for a hyperactive person. It reverses more or less. Four cups a day helps a lot usually. A calmer person would only become more revved up by 4 coffees. Right now I’m not energetic or upset about anything in particular.

I sure as hell can’t write worth a damn when I’m exhausted. I hate being so tired yet unable to sleep, so if anything’s ticking me off at the moment, that’s it.

The only issue in my life right now besides singing or sex is my tapes. It’s like losing a very big and special part of me and my life. No one else could ever understand that for the life of them cuz they do not know me and my life. Or the people I know and the experiences I’ve had. I understand that, but it is not up to anyone else to judge me. Not cops or doctors or lawyers or teachers or the lowest of all low lives on the earth. If I heard the tapes and did not know anyone on the tapes, I too would think, are these people crazy? What are they talking about? What does all this gibberish mean? Nonetheless, it is a big part of my life they’ve snatched from me which is totally wrong and unfair with or without me making those phone calls. Other than making prank phone calls, I have a right to tape whoever the hell I want to in the privacy of my own home. No matter if I’ve done something wrong or I’m a sweet little angel, some kind of authority figure is always snatching away the things I love and are important to me. Either that or it gets stolen or broken. I no longer respect cops the way I used to. Some yes, but mainly I will always carry a huge resentment towards them in general. I will always feel anger.

Later…

I have only 6 minutes to write as I promised Andy I’d call him back. He ran out to grab a burger and some smokes. God, is he ever miserable! Even though PHX is much cheaper than New England, he’s having severe financial problems. He took a test for AT&T with 30 people. Only one passed the test and it wasn’t him. He may go apply at another Denny’s but he’s sick of the graveyard shift. He too, is getting fed up with being a night person.

As far as relationships go, our desires have completely changed.

Speaking of Andy, he just called saying that after we hung up, he checked his voicemail. He had 4 messages and had to call everyone back. So now, he’s gone out to get his burger and his pack of cigarettes. I told him that when he’s ready to call, let it ring once. I’ll call him back at that point.

Damn! With all the long-distance calls and the 900-number calls I’ve made, I better get the hell out of here in January!

Besides the boring, isolated no life I have here, I hope and pray I get a nice place and get out fast.

Besides Andy’s money problems and missing me, he’s so lonely. All his life he never wanted love but now he’s wanting a full-time lover. He’s now willing to share a bed every night with the right person and do all the things lovers do. All my life I thought I’d pretty much get someone and keep them and hang onto them for life or as long as possible. That was what I once wanted until I found out all I want, need and can handle is sex. We both are so picky and are attracted to straights. That is one desire I’m proud, relieved, happy and content with after all the desires I wish constantly I could change. Wanting only sex, I mean. Both of us have moved to places we thought we’d be happier in when in fact we’re a zillion times more miserable. The only plus for him is the cheaper and nicer apt. The only plus for me is this beautiful apt. and the area. At least I can go to the store without a drug dealer asking me to buy or sell drugs.

Later…

I just called Tammy to tell her how pissed off I am that I couldn’t fall asleep till 4:00 in the morning. I had set my alarm for 10:00 but didn’t get out of bed till almost 1:00. Even if I did get out of bed at 10:00, I’d still be up till 4:00 or 5:00.

Peter showed the apartment today to a young couple.

I’ve finally gotten my long-awaited letter from Andy. He sent 3 pictures of himself along with a coupon for my coffee. I got some cigarette coupons, too. Also, a concert review of Gloria’s from the concert Andy went to. Getting his letter was great and it was really thoughtful of him to send the other stuff, but what about my photos? I’m thinking, aw shit! Now I gotta wait another 6 months for those? I told him I’ve waited long enough. I didn’t give them to him, and other people want to see them. I’m never lending another thing of mine to anyone and I know now for sure, I’ll never get my bathing suits from Jessie. Fine. She can have them, but our friendship is over and she’s out of my life.

One other thing I forgot to mention that Andy sent me. An article on how Gloria should wear longer dresses to cover up her chunky legs. Then she was compared with some other girl who they said had a dynamite figure. The only thing negative in her concert review was the Bacardi Breezer commercial shown on the big screens. They said, who wants to pay to see commercials? Also that Whitney Houston has better pipes than Gloria.

Later…

My show Reasonable Doubts with the good-looking deaf actress Marlee Matlin, who uses sign language, is not on tonight due to a movie. Bummer. The movie’s boring, too.

Fran isn’t home and he hardly ever is lately. He spends a lot of time at that girl’s house. The one he works with.

Kim dropped off my refill for Alupent and Theodur as well as an antibiotic called Augmentin. I’ve heard of it before and I sure hope it isn’t one of the ones that played with my stomach. Tammy says she’s taken it before with no problems. Tammy also said that her niece, as well as a friend of hers, has that gas problem in their stomachs, too. It is common, the doctor and she told me. They just take these lactose tablets that look like little wafers. They do not cause side effects or counteract with any medicines.

A few days ago, I got my period and had annoying cramps. Not to the point where I thought I’d die, but Kim gave me two Advil and contrary to my doubts, it killed my cramps. It has Motrin in it. I’ve had that before.

Kim says she’ll see me later to read Andy’s letter. Right now Kim’s busy with her friend Michelle who’s pretty, and of course, straight.

Later…

I am so bored right now it makes me sick. I plucked my eyebrows a little bit but not too thoroughly. It’s harder than all hell to try to do it on yourself. I threw some Hydrocortisone cream on my face. It is absolutely the best stuff I have ever used for zits. Also, Dr. L said that that’s what I should be using on my ear when it gets all red and irritated. Not antibiotic cream. Why do I always have to go through so many different doctors and wait so long for correct answers? Using the hydrocortisone cream is helping a lot so far.

I’m getting horny again and wish once again, I could fulfill that dream of going to bed with someone I’m turned on by. I know it’ll never happen but I’m only human. It comes and goes in phases. The last 5 days or so I’ve really had no desires. Of course, coming home from a gay bar makes me lose my appetite for a while. It’s disappointing. Once you’ve seen one gay woman (butch) you’ve seen them all. And, of course, the few that are fairly decent looking aren’t interested in me. Lastly, the ones who are very good-looking are straight. Oh well. You just can’t change destiny. That’s why nowadays I don’t 100% believe in negative or positive. I believe more in meant to be or not meant to be. I’ve gone into situations before numerous times, be it a band or music-related or women-related with a positive, determined and confident attitude, and failed. Yes, I know that’s life and everyone goes through it, but too many times is too many times. I feel like such an ass for believing I was gonna make it as a singer someday. How wrong I was in believing connections would come easier once developing my voice. How wrong I was in believing that growing and maturing and working on my looks would make meeting a woman easier. Especially when you don’t want a relationship, and believe me most people don’t. Men don’t want relationships more so than women, but overall, male or female, sex is THEE thing. You just have to be a hell of a lot more careful and cautious cuz of AIDS.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 1991 I went to see Dr. Leitch this morning. God knows how the hell I got up, but I did.

I just realized I forgot to get a note from them to give to my probation officer. Tomorrow I’ll call them and ask them to mail me a note. I also have to call Cassandra and reschedule our Monday evening appointment.

I had a little chat with Nervous today and I guess not much has changed in his life. I wish he could see this apartment before I leave it.

I hope I get to sleep within a few hours. I want to keep my schedule somewhat normal. Peter will be showing the place tomorrow at 2:00. There sure will be a difference. It’s going to be a lot emptier looking in here since I threw all my knickknacks in the closets. I’ve really got to start rounding up more boxes if I’m definitely out of here on January 2nd.

I really want to check out trailer homes in trailer parks in CT. It’d be a nice change for a girl who loves variety and living in different places. It’d feel like I was at the beach or on vacation or on tour. Tammy tells me she’s checked into it and they’re too expensive. They’re the rent-to-own deal. Since I can’t create my own perfect dream home with a snap of my fingers with a pool, dance/gym room, I wish I could pick up this apartment and move it with me. I’ll probably end up in the same old apartment in an apartment-building type deal. There’ll be many apartments above, below and around me. I wish I could at least afford a duplex. I really like those.

Dr. Leitch refilled my meds and did a check-up on me. I am wheezing a bit more again and have been tight in the chest than I should be. That weather change really did a number on me. I complained about the very bloated gut that I have before during and after my period. He mentioned gas and certain symptoms that go along with it. I said that that’s what I’ve figured was the problem now for quite some time. I’ll be going for a lactose tolerance test on Dec. 9 and he says my problem is quite common. It isn’t at all dangerous or potentially fatal like asthma, but it sure is a royal pain. He said a pain in the butt. I said no, a pain in the gut. Why though, didn’t someone take care of this problem and do this test a long time ago? Oh well. Better late than never in this case. That’s for sure.

I haven’t spoken to Fran too much lately. He spends a lot of time at this girl’s house that he works with.

I hope to hell I get Andy’s letter and my pictures tomorrow. He’s owed me both for a long time. Whenever I do get his letter, I’ll copy it in journal 18. I know it has at least 8 pages. I hope he puts enough postage on it.

When I go to Tammy’s, I better remember to get my edits. I spoke with her a few times during the day and we discussed stuff I’m bringing down. She laughed when I told her I’d begun packing. You know how I like everything to be organized. I hate to wait until the last minute. Plus, I’m so anxious to hurry up and go. She told me to bring whatever I can. I have several things for all of them. Stuff I don’t need or want along with stuff I’ve made. I also told her I’d make a Happy Chanukah banner. I started that and I’ll finish it tomorrow. I’ll also be bringing my drawing pad and I’ll finish their swing set picture there with the girls. I have those placemat things I made. I’ve made two already and I have another one that’s half-finished. I’ll also bring my skinny yarn for making bracelets. I still have to finish Andy’s bracelet and mail him my last two Chanukah cards with typed lines on them. I’ll mail his card along with Mom and Dad’s right before I leave. I’m bringing down two pairs of roller skates Kim gave me. They’re a size 9! I hope one of the girls gets tall. Somebody’s got to end up taller than me.

I got a scale in the mail along with those 3 wool blankets with the different designs. I already have a scale and I know they do too, but maybe it broke. Tammy says she loves ducks and one of the blankets has a pretty duck design. The others are flowers and an Indian print.

She said she got a shipment in of really pretty hair bows and those scrunchy hair things. When you have really long hair, they’re better than the regular coated elastics. They’re a lot easier to take out. She mentioned perfume samples too, and I’m giving her perfume called Navy that she likes a lot.

That trim Kim gave me really went a long way. I still have massive split ends but I’d much rather have long dead ends, than short healthy ones. It only took a week after she trimmed it for it to come out of shock and start growing. I mean, growing. Kim was shocked and asked me if I had a stretching machine. I am so happy. It is really here. My hair is at the top of my ass!!!!! In a year from now, I hope to be sitting on it. Once it gets to the top of my legs, I’ll cut it to the lower waist/top of the ass line where it is now. Hopefully, that’ll do in all my split ends. Or at least the bulk of them.

I am really tired now, even though, there is more I could write. Anyway, I should try to knock off for the night as it is now 11:00. That way I’ll get up in plenty of time to clean out the stairwell. I’ll remove some old tape from the walls and make sure Shadow’s box doesn’t reek of shit. The last few days I haven’t slept much so now it’s time to catch up.

Can’t wait for that fem’s letter!

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 1991 Today I felt lousy all day, but I’m feeling better now. It’s nighttime, so what do you expect? I think it’s due to the very drastic change in temperature. It was a record high of 70° today. Can you believe that? On November 20th?! Just the other day I had to wear gloves as well as a warm coat. Speaking of coats, I’ll have to get a winter coat somehow. All I have is my suede fringed jacket. Also, some very light coats that just don’t cut it when it’s very cold.

At 11:30 tomorrow morning I’ve got to see Dr. Leitch. I’m going to need Theodur and Alupent refills.

I better get my ass on schedule as I have got lots of things coming up soon. From Nov. 25-29 I’ll be in Salem checking out apartments. Kim’s gonna bring me down and they’ll bring me back.

I spoke to Tammy earlier who now says Mom and Dad can’t afford to move me as their store’s gone under due to the poor economy. Also, Dad’s medical bills are sky-high and he’s only got partial coverage. I don’t know if I buy any of that, but maybe there’s a slight grain of truth to it. I really feel it has more to do with the phone calls, court and everything else that’s gone on in my life. What can I say or do? I just hope and pray to God that Tammy or any other curious people never get a hold of any of my journals without me knowing it. Tammy could, of course, read them with me knowing it. I’m more solid than her but all she’d have to do is just sit on me and read away since the girl’s nearly 200 pounds. The bulk of the stuff in these books is known to all who know me. Yet my personal private fantasies along with other subjects are my business unless I so choose to share them. Of course, I just couldn’t stick to my story in the previous journal. I always lose patience, but I have other ideas I may work out. The last half of journal 18 will be for lyrics, phone numbers, personal notes or ideas, and letters. Anything goes kind of deal.

Andy read me the funniest letter for Jenny he’s fixing to send her. I typed it last night as he read it to me over the phone. Talk about us mixing lines, lyrics, and sentences up! He did an awesome job and Jenny will be so damn confused. I don’t give a rat’s ass if she suspects me as there’s nothing threatening. Just very very very strange. I’ll copy it over in 18 soon.

Just to mention my November and December schedule so far… On November 25th I was supposed to meet with a therapist named Cassandra, but since I’ll be in CT, I’ll have to reschedule. December 2nd, I have to go to fuel assistance. December 5th to court to see my probation officer Sheila, who Mark says is pretty. Friday, Peter’s coming to show this place to someone, and he knows I don’t have an exact moving date yet. I guess Tammy’s gonna have to get some friends to move me. What about the $40 court fee? There’ll be a $40 fee from Northampton, too.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 1991 Went to North Star. I actually did it. I went. I was slightly nervous but not as nervous as I thought I’d be. No. Nothing spectacular happened and I knew it wouldn’t, but I got out of this cage anyway. I saw one very beautiful Hispanic woman and I knew God would never let me have her. She didn’t seem interested but we spoke briefly anyway. Also, I spoke to another girl who was cute but nowhere near as cute as Pamela, the Hispanic one. Ginny, the other girl, had shoulder-length reddish hair, was slender and seemed like the all-American girl. But she seemed quite conservative, wholesome and natural, too. Not the bar type. In fact, she sort of reminded me of Nancy H. I wonder if Nancy’s related to Laurie. With my luck she is.

Ginny and I exchanged numbers and she lives right near me here in S. Deerfield. She says she moved a month ago from Amherst. Also, she works at Yankee Candle Co. and at North Star waitressing.

Judy called, too. It’s funny how I’m psychic and that lady I spoke to is too, yet she was right and I was wrong. I’ll stick to the snow dates and descriptions. I guess I automatically assumed she’d never call as she’s not bad-looking. I don’t know if anything will happen with Pamela or Ginny, but I feel Judy will visit sooner or later.

It amazes me how calm and relaxed I feel. Even tired, so I’ll try to go to sleep soon after I finish my coffee and listen to music.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1991 I am speaking to Andy now. He’s speaking to the Northampton crisis center, right now, if you know what I mean. Catch my drift?

After my day in court, I contacted Tammy who says she’ll call Tracy. She’ll ask about the tapes and take care of the fees and the Chief.

That girl Judy hasn’t called, but this really funny psychic told me she would within 72 hours.

Now that I know for sure I’m moving on the 2nd of January, the phone remains free. Ever since I moved here I couldn’t “feel” myself here throughout the winter. Then, after Tammy said the move was off, I was ready to flip, but still felt it was on for the beginning of January. I broke down in tears but Tammy cheered me up and said she had to tell me something she shouldn’t tell me. She told me that for my birthday and Chanukah they got me projects to do. Paintings, arts & crafts and drawing stuff to keep me busy. She also asked me what I wanted. I just mentioned Gloria’s songbook, journals and those geometrical design coloring books with Crayola magic markers. She also said she’d call Ma to move me and not to worry, it was over, and she’d handle my stuff and call Tracy.

She had gotten pissed at Mom for trying to get out of moving me after she can afford to buy an extremely expensive car. First, she backed out of Phoenix and then began to railroad us with CT. She called today to tell me Greg from Greenfield Furniture (the ones who moved me) was gonna call for a visit here to get an estimate on what it’d cost to move my shit. She said it was a combination birthday/Chanukah present. Oh, the joy of having my b-day and Chanukah connected. I wish Chanukah was in the summer!

So, speaking of that girl Judy. She came up to me and asked if I had a spiral perm. I said it was natural and we began chatting. I could sense instantly she was gay or bi before she mentioned it but figured I’d never get her as I was attracted to her. She had nice long reddish hair. Her face was ok and she looked pretty good for 31 years old. She had a super nice leather jacket on and jeans. She seemed around 5‘2”-5‘4” in height and a little chunky, but well-proportioned and solid. She was taking an ex-boyfriend to court for harassment and yes, she had been through shit I’d gone through. She seemed “with it” though and these types which I always attract and used to avoid, I now seek out since all I want is sex. My standards are too high for someone like me anyway no matter what kind of relationship I want. I gave her my number and she says she has a car, but of course, those feelings came on. They really kicked in last night. Almost every man I’ve given my number to for whatever reason has always called. Women are so hard to catch. So, I was thinking what a bummer as I hope that maybe, just maybe, I could get some sex before I move.

Then I got bored, remembered my free phone service and called the psychic hotline. The girl who answered said she was gay too, and that I’m not alone and she’s ultra-feminine with full makeup on, long hair, heels and a dress (yeah, because she was on the other side of the country).

She asked why I wanted to get laid. I explained my feelings and she said I’ve got myself isolated and so negative and scared and to let my guard down. She said I was so scared that I had to control people to protect myself. She said why not let someone sweep me off my feet and take control and take care of me? I said that was just a fantasy and explained how all I get are Brenda, Fran or Nervous types. I don’t get people who are outspoken and that can take charge. The types I get don’t have the mentality to take care of me. An example is that if I have a fight with someone, it’s my fight and I’m on my own. They’re too shy, wimpy, geeky and stupid to fight with me. Not for me, but with me. I mean, I’d love to be wild, daring, brave, romantic, flirtatious and get swept off my feet for one night. A nice dinner, pampered with a nice bubble bath, a back rub, and adventurous sex.

Then she said, “You’ll die lonely and horny. Get your ass out of the house.”

I want to. I want to so bad, but I can’t. I’d never get anywhere. And where would I go? To the bars?

She told me I gotta go up to these people, grab them and say, “Let’s go.”

But it doesn’t work. I could be determined, confident or doubtful and it wouldn’t work.

Damn, I wish I could go to bed with ugly people! What’s the trick? How do people get turned on by people who they’re turned off by? Someone’s got to write a book, “How to turn yourself on to people you’re not turned on by sexually.”

Just one night, God, just one night, please! I am absolutely totally dying to lust with a drop-dead gorgeous woman. I mean, she doesn’t have to look like she just stepped off the cover of Vogue. Just not pitifully ugly or another spot on the wall.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 1991 Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, they have. Again, I try to tell myself anything’s better than jail, Valleyhead, Brattleboro, a roommate, a lover, being crippled or blind, a foster home or living with Mom and Dad. I guess it boils down to knowing you’re not in the worst possible situation, but at the same time, it’s bad enough. I feel as if I’ll always have my life controlled by so-called people who are “higher” than me. Or by whackos. Everything I want always is taken away or never achieved. I’ve gotten further into my shell just when I thought I couldn’t go any further. I thought I was in as deep as possible. Any confidence, self-esteem, and hope I’ve achieved since being on my own are gone. I feel like such a low-life that’ll never be good enough for anyone or anything. I used to feel not good enough all the time. Then I got confident and learned to say, “That’s your problem,” if someone didn’t care. How can I ever look ahead to the positive things like Tammy said? WHAT positive things? All I want to do now is crawl into a deep hole and never come out. I can’t talk anymore. I’ve retreated so deep, I feel there’s no way back this time. Now I feel I can’t live with myself as well as with this life.

I may not even be able to leave by Jan. 1st. They will transfer my probation, though. However, I thought it’d be unsupervised with therapy required and that I’d get all my stuff back. That’s what Tracy told me. Instead, I have two years of supervised probation with a $10 monthly fee I can’t afford, a $40 court fee, and I may only get some tapes back if any at all.

There’s just no fighting back whether I’m partially wrong or not. If someone burns me 5%, 25%, 50%, or 100% there’s no winning them. So from now on, if I get burned, too bad. Fighting back will never work. Am I ever gonna be able to take someone to court myself? Drag them through the mud? Never. Even if I’m totally right. I don’t ever want to talk to anyone again. Only my family, therapist, Andy and Kim for now.

Judy is this girl at court I spoke to only cuz we had common ground. Also, I thought she was attractive and she thought that of me. I’ll write about Judy later as right now I feel shittier than shitty.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1991 Yesterday I spoke briefly with Kim. She told me Mark has something to discuss with me about my cases. I guess it’s got something to do with getting it wrapped up. She says she doesn’t know for sure what he was talking about and for me to talk with him. My two main concerns are getting the hell out of here and getting all my stuff returned safely and unharmed. I spoke to Tammy yesterday to let her know that I’d tell her anything Mark has to say if it means anything for sure. I also told her I got the police report and how it’s a little scary and again has me wondering about law enforcement in general. 95% of it was bullshit or very twisted and exaggerated information. I cannot believe how they’ve hyped this up and are making such a big deal out of this. They’ll do anything to make people look like jackasses and feel so uncomfortable. They’ll do anything for money and attention. It amazes me how much time, money and energy they’ve put into this. I remember telling them, “Look, I’m not gonna deny I’ve made a mistake, but don’t you think you’re living this up a bit too much?” The reply was that it was a serious matter, and I told them it’s only as serious as they make it. The unprofessionalism amazed me in the typing, besides the lies. Even I could type much better as there were mistakes on every other line. They had a part in the script in which is supposed to be me and them in conversation. They at one point said I said how lots of people make prank phone calls which is bullshit along with all kinds of statements I never made.

Maliheh also flattered herself again by saying I called to break it off and she said there was nothing to break off. They failed to print how Maliheh misunderstood that I was simply trying to be honest up front. Have her aware that I wanted to be friends at that time and never thought we were involved. She’s the one flattering herself. The people we’re supposed to trust and who aren’t supposed to lie or be unfair and twist information or “guess” when they’re not sure of something really makes me wonder.

Enough about the pigs. I spoke to Fran and Andy yesterday and really didn’t do much else.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 1991 Right now I’m a little bored so I’m entertaining Andy on his machine. He’s no doubt still asleep.

I spoke to my niece Lisa yesterday who got an excellent report card. Yesterday was also Bill’s birthday. He’s 45. I sent him a card and also a picture which Lisa said she showed all her friends.

I still need to work on the picture of them on the swings.

I’m gonna forget about my leather pants unless Tammy or I can find someone to take care of that.

I’m still waiting and have been waiting for Andy to throw my letter and pictures in a mailbox. He says he’s completed a letter. He’s been going through hell, though, which I’ll write about later. Never again will I send him something that I intend for him to send me back. I’m sick of waiting a fucking year. Never again will I lend anyone shit of mine as Jessie once again hasn’t sent those 3 bathing suits. I believe her when she tells me her mom was deathly ill and that she, David and her son have moved. I know she’s not a liar or a thief, but that she’s incredibly lazy and airheaded. She tells me she’ll call me after she’s put them in the mail to let me know they’re on their way.

I haven’t heard from Steve and when I tried to contact Jai and Jenny, their phone was disconnected.

Paula and I have spoken a few times. I told Paula about my predictions and how I describe people and places. I described her apartment and her sister Brandy’s house and the people they know.

Let’s wait and see if it snows Monday as I felt, as well as December 5th.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 1991 My fear of waking up too soon did come true as 90% of my good and bad vibes do. Nothing woke me up as far as any noise or bad dreams go. I just simply woke up and as usual I could not fall back asleep.

Earlier I took a walk down to the store for some groceries and threw my mail in my mailbox. I called fuel assistance and will not be going till December 2nd. The girl there told me that there’s a 90% chance they’ll have an earlier opening. She says she’ll call if they do.

Well, I really don’t have much to write about now. Don’t know when I’ll fall asleep either. I can’t complain, though, as I really gave this place a good cleaning yesterday and my asthma’s ok. My nose is a little screwy, though. Mentally I don’t feel as if I’m gonna go crazy. That isn’t for a few more weeks till I get PMS.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 1991 While I’m writing this, I’m listening to a tape of Andy and I. The usual thing we do every so often to the crisis center. Tonight Andy spoke to Fran and Nancy. Andy tells them of his “problem” with seeing the desert and palm and cactus trees every time he looks out the window. I’m his little sister who butts in and with our crazy lines and shit and he’s trying to explain how our parents took off. He’s 17 and I’m 13. About a week ago he did this routine with me to a woman named Laurie at the center. Not only was she a major butch, but she sounded just like Laurie H. Every so often she’d say something that would also remind us of Tracy and Linda as well as Laurie. It’s so funny hearing these tapes and I can get some great edits out of them. It’s the least I can begin doing while I’m waiting for all the stuff the pigs took. Speaking of the pigs and my stuff, I’ve got to call Tracy who no doubt has been trying to contact me. I’ve been on a major screwy schedule as I mentioned before and she ought to have more information for me by now. Tammy would like to speak to her too, about my move. They’ve already spoken once before about how we feel and this and that.

Tammy called last night to tell me she’s got an apartment for me for $595! That’s more than this place, although, this is a deal and a half. This is an $800-$1,000 apartment. From her description, it’s a shoebox, but very modern and I guess there’s a dishwasher and a hookup for an upright washer and dryer. But $695! Damn. I told her to just look for a duplex at that point. Price-wise, I mean. There’s not much difference, so I may as well get my money’s worth like I’ve done here. She said she did check those out but they were not on a bus line. Oh well.

I’ve been up since 9:00 last night so I’d like to stay up until 3 PM and sleep as many hours as possible. Tomorrow at 1:30, I need to go to fuel assistance.

I began putting away things like knick-knacks and things I can live without till January. 1st. I’ve put them in the closets for now so dusting’s a little quicker and easier. Then, I’ll get boxes and just pack them in.

I hope to hell the cleaning crew isn’t downstairs tonight. I’ve noticed they’re there every Sunday night from 8:00-11:00 or so. If they’re there, the banging and noise of the vacuum will wake me up too early and I’ll be pissed. It’s not their fault, though. I’m the one on the screwy schedule. I should probably sleep with my clock radio on but I doubt that will drown out noises from downstairs. They bang the walls with the vacuum and I feel the vibration, besides hear it.

Later…

I am so glad I’m still up. I have an awfully bad feeling about waking up too early, though. Perhaps I’m being paranoid cuz of the rotten luck I’ve had that’s not rotten luck. After waking up with that nightmare the night before the dance and Kim’s car accident, I just don’t know. It makes me wonder. I need to sleep as late as possible as I’ve got to mail my mail, have Peter fill out a form, get food stamps and go to fuel assistance.

I hope and pray nothing from downstairs wakes me up or that fucking dog across the street. It never shuts up and the poor dog’s outside 24/7. Whether it’s hot, cold, rainy and no doubt snowing, the dog’s outside always. Someone complained, but complaining about its barking does no good as it only gets them to shut it up for a little while, then it’s back to the same old bullshit. I hope I don’t wake up for the hell of it either. If I can get on a schedule and get my errands done, I’ll feel so much better.

I hope the VCR picks up the two shows I’m recording that are on two different channels. I’ve used both programs in the timer record set up before, so we’ll see. On 22 there’s an Unsolved Mysteries special and on 40 there’s a movie about a woman wrongly imprisoned that’s based on a true story.

More importantly, I fear a power failure. Let’s hope not as it absolutely amazes me how many power failures they’ve had here in the 7 months I’ve been here than in the 5.5 years I was in Springfield.

I called Tracy who’s also becoming more and more on my side, but more and more annoyed. God knows when I’ll get copies of my tapes, let alone the originals. I wouldn’t get the originals till it’s over and that isn’t gonna be for 50 years. Also, I fully intend to file charges with the S. Deerfield police, Maliheh and Jenny. She knows that and will be helping me with that.

Speaking of Maliheh… I’ve been meaning to write about the call for so long but kept putting it off. I started to mention how a girl called saying, “Remember me? You licked my pussy.” As soon as she hung up, it hit me that it’s probably the girl on Maliheh’s answering machine leaving the outgoing message. An hour later, I got a second call and was given a 10-minute silent treatment. In that time, I just went on and on singing and saying funny stuff.

I was so happy to at least get a prank call since I can’t make them. However, two things entered my mind. Again, just like with Jenny. Why is it I have to pay for the same crime they’re committing? When are THEY gonna pay? When am I gonna fight back? I asked myself this and once again realized I must give what I get. You play with my head, I call you or do some other non-violent prank, you take me to court, I take YOU to court. People like Maliheh and Jenny are always gonna be in court. Not by just being brought up on charges no doubt, but also by bringing up charges on everyone they get pissed off at and can’t get their way with. If I brought everyone to court I’ve ever been upset with, I’d be there 365 days a year.

The third and last call I got was a major shocker. The same shock as being told I killed my father in 1982. That was probably a false rumor and lie circulated by someone if it wasn’t a mix-up. The third call was from a guy who went on and on telling me what he’d like to do to me sexually. When he came out and mentioned my being at the crisis center, boy was I shocked! It was Maliheh and her associate’s last call and I was bummed but for a while I got mad. I began to wonder if the cops or people at the center would have anything to do with this till I realized there was no way. It’s not like ambulance services where cops routinely get involved or hear it over their scanners. I called the center myself and was brought there by Kim. Also, I knew the chances were very slim of the center breaking confidentiality or someone working there doing this. So, I called the center after telling Tammy all about it and warned them that if I had to do to them what I was going to do to the PD, I would. The girl I spoke to was very nice and helpful to me and then it hit me. I asked her how close she was to Pearl St. and she said she could walk there in less than a minute and that people going to Pearl St. park right outside their offices. I also remembered some guy coming up to us and asking us if we were lost and remembered hearing a lot of yelling. I couldn’t make out what was said, but it didn’t sound like a fight or angry yelling. It sounded like drunks goofing around. So, what it boils down to is that Maliheh definitely saw me. If not, a friend of hers did who must have remembered seeing me the night we met. I’m easy to recognize and I do stand out. Even if I was of average height or tall, I doubt I have a twin anywhere.

Basically, my charging her is not due to her pranking me as you know that doesn’t bother me. I still hope I get more calls. The thing is, though, I wish she’d do the talking. But nonetheless, I’m charging her cuz she’s charging me and she’s a fucking asshole who very well deserves it.

I guess I am becoming more and more bitter. Why should I be sweet little nice Jodi when everyone else is so cruel and spiteful? One can only take so much, even though, I’d never go to such extremes as a lot of people do. You lose the motivation to put the effort into being nice and trying to get out of your shell and meet people. You become hard and cold and now even I feel less respect for people. And now even I get pretty judgmental and automatically assume the worst in people. I used to look at the bad and the good in people. Now all I see right away is the bad. I feel intense fear and lack of trust. I’m more skeptical and doubtful than I’ve ever been in my whole life.

Well, I’ve definitely got to get to bed now for sure. God, do I hope I sleep. I hope my shows get recorded too. And no asthma attacks!

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 1991 Here I go again wishing I could be up in the daytime and getting on a schedule. It gets screwier and screwier. It sure would be nice to do what most people can do and keel over and pass out asleep at any time. Right now I’m incredibly bored and feeling like a caged animal again. One side of me is saying, come on, God, give me a break. I don’t want to be bored and miserable. I don’t want to settle. I want to have and do the things I want. The reality side is saying, you’ll never have or do anything you really want badly. Therefore, you can either settle for second best or commit suicide.

I hate reality. I always get the same results and I know I always will. That’s why I gave up the fight. Trying’s not worth it. No matter if it’s music-related or women-related it’s the same thing. Thinking negative and not trying = getting nowhere, and thinking positive and trying = getting nowhere.

So anyway, to finally write about Northampton crisis center and Maliheh. That night I lost it, Kim took me to the crisis center to talk. At the same time, I was so stressed out that I didn’t give a shit what they were gonna do with me. Now, looking back at that night, I was lucky they ever let me walk out the door. I guess I am shocked they more or less never “kidnapped” me for a few days with all the not-so-nice thoughts I was having. Even they said how they felt I was suicidal before I got into discussing why I was feeling like shit since I moved. How I’m going through a period of reality being thrown in my face. How I’m going through the different stages of waking up and smelling the coffee. How some people need a little time to adjust to settling for second best and some know they’ll never accept or adjust to it.

When I arrived at the center, I spoke with a big, ugly, scary-looking woman named Latonya. I had only spoken to her once over the phone and only for two seconds as it was change of shift. Two other people whom I’ve spoken to over the phone were there too, named Nancy and Fran. They’re quite nice, Nancy and Fran. However, I could see Latonya was gonna be very insensitive and not easy to talk to or very understanding. Sure enough, she seemed burdened by me, kept interrupting me and changing the subject. Also, she’d ask the same damn questions over and over. I don’t know if the lady had a garbage disposal for a memory or what. I think she wasn’t too rounded herself at that moment. At one point I was told she didn’t want to be there and that they were there cuz of me. I told her to knock it off, don’t give me that crap and try to put a guilt trip on me as they’re a 24-hour service operating with or without me.

She also told me how she was gonna call the psychologist at court to tell them I showed no remorse and I told her that if she wanted to stick her nose where it didn’t belong, go ahead. I have no pity for Maliheh. Or anyone else like Maliheh. Just as I’d had it with the head games, realized I’d been made to feel worse rather than any better, warned her not to step out of line or I’d go to her supervisors, the most shocking yet funny thing happened. Yup. This was the winner of the night.

She came out and told me how according to Springfield, I’d been involved with the homicide of my father! You should’ve seen the look on Kim’s face. I told her my father was alive and well and living in Florida and how he came to visit last spring and that it certainly wasn’t his ghost. Apparently, someone else’s files got mixed into mine, so that was the final straw and I left. All they could’ve done was calm me down anyway, not give me what I want and need. Yet they didn’t calm me down. I felt worse.

Both Tammy and I had left Latonya messages so we could offer her a piece of our minds but she never called us back. Obviously, she has a guilty conscience. People like that, especially in that field tend to irk you, but at the same time, the lies and exaggerations can be quite amusing. They take things so seriously, too. Also, they ignore important things you feel. Certain issues are so stupid as far as you’re concerned. Then when you get to the important issues, they steer you away from them.

[just-here-for-the-art-shit]

If you can, save the papers and schoolwork you do as a child, because reading them almost two decades later is hilarious and priceless- some of my personal favorite works (originally all in half cursive, half print because I was weird like that):

"A Good Carrer

I want to be a zoo keeper, I will take care of the cheetah and the sea lions. The cheetah's are carnivores and eat meat. You have to keep there exhibit clean and give them lots of toys to play with. Some cheetah's have pet dogs because the cheetahs are shy and they can get exercise with dogs, which is why I hate it when people say Cats VS. Dogs. Sea lions eat meat and like to swim. You must keep there water partially clean and you can throw some toys that float on the water. If the water is to clean it is not good for the sea lions because they don't swim in Chorline like we do. Sometimes they get fish frozen in ice blocks as toys."

~

"ZOO favorites

My favorite animal is the cheetah it has black spots on it's body and 2 black stripes going from it's eyes to it's nose. The spots are different from jaguars and leopards. My dad called a cheetah a leopard because he says he is stupid. They are the fastest mamal in the world. They can go 70 mph. They also have week jaws, so if they see lions and fight, the lion would probably win. But they are definitely a cool animal."

~

"Just the Place

Hey folks you should go to hawie. They got warm weather all year long. You can go to the beaches and lounge on the sunny beach all day with sunblock. You can swim in the water. You can try different foods and how to hula-hoop. This is definitely a good place to go."

[They should've paid me - I was doing free advertisement as a kid for a place I've never been 😂]

-

"SNakes are good

Dear friend I no you don't like snake but I am going to try and convince you to like by telling you three good things about snakes.

1. Snake's venom poison can be turned into medicin to give to people that were bitten by a snake.

2. They eat peskey rare and mice that we don't want in our house.

3. They control the population of there prey.

Also snakes are not slimy. I found a dead one and it was smooth like fingernails."

~

"Holiday Vacation

Over the holidays I went to this really fun children's museum. I pretended to work on a farm. Me and the other kids pretended that these green balls were grain. First we put them in this tiny called the screw carrier. The grown up then dropped in this thing that they fall in but you have to turn some levers. Then you put them in a bucket and put them in these three tubes. The one that I was putting the brain into led to a giant holder. When I was done I went over to these giant cow statues and opened the hatch to put the brain down. Then water came out of their udders."

~

"Describe a tepee

It is a mobile home for the native American indians. It has symbols on the outside and a flap. On the inside it has fur for carpets and beds and a bone backrest. It is made with many tall sticks that stick through the smoke hole at the top and buckskin with the fur shaved off the walls. An tepee usually has a fire inside it and that is why there is a smoke hole. That is how I like to describe a teppee.

P. S I wanted to tell that the native americans used a buffalo bladder for a water bottle.

P. PS These are for West native americans. I lived in New York and they had a thing called wigwam to live in and a long house of wood called a long house.

P. PPS I tried to make a tepee in the woods but my mother said I couldn't sleep in it because there are spiders at night."

~~~~

There was also a paper where I had to describe what happened on 9/11 but every time I mentioned terrorists, I spelled it, "therapists" ... So yes, apparently a bunch of therapists attacked on 9/11

[duskys-dreams]

I was in a different world with a family similar to mind, but different. School was starting soon, and we had to cross a lake to get there.

When we got to the shore, everyone changed into their swimsuits, but I hadn’t packed mine. The leader of our group, Violet, asked why not, since we all knew we were going to be on a lake. I shrugged.

The boat had drifted away from shore, and we all had to swim to get to it. The leader told me to just swim in my clothes, I could change once I got to school. I was uncertain, because that extra outfit was my only one for the entire trip, but I didn’t really have a choice. I agreed, and jumped in after everyone else.

Violet told me to break some of the rocks under the dock to get six thousand money, so I could buy more clothes once the trip began. I started digging, but I was bad at it, so she came to help me.

After I had collected exactly six thousand dollars (which I gained after breaking six rocks), Violet unearthed a small treasure chest. Everyone else swam back eagerly, begging her to open it. She said she wouldn’t, and I whined about her ruining my treasure pleasure. She finally conceded, and we all stood on the dock and peered inside.

Inside the treasure chest was a tiny pile of black gold, and a bunch of swimsuits. I grabbed one that looked like black shorts, and a top that had an Undertale design that looks exactly like my one shirt. I exclaimed how this was perfect and quickly put it on. Someone else told me they were sorry that I had to ruin my normal clothes immediately before finding a swimsuit to wear, but I didn’t see it that way. After all, I told them, if I had packed my own swimsuit, we wouldn’t have had to stop and find the treasure chest at all.

One of the people in the group, a very large baby, put up a fuss about… something, I wasn’t sure. He tried to destroy our boat and force us to not go on the trip. We all ran back through the tunnels while the baby pursued us, and regrouped at the end. We’d lost him in the maze.

I had an idea on how to stop him. The area beside the dock had a low roof. If we could suddenly lower the roof and have everyone else duck, we could knock him out and be free to go on the trip. Everyone agreed, and Violet entrusted me with making it work.

We all cautiously went back through the tunnels and found the baby sitting in the exact same spot as before. He seemed calm again, but we didn’t trust that to last.

I prepared the rope, then went to everyone individually and told them to duck. Everyone had apparently turned into fantasy creatures temporarily, but that wasn’t an issue. Once everyone had ducked, I pulled the rope, and a bunch of giant plushies fell on the baby, burying him.

A voice rang out above us, a playful female entity. She asked us if we wanted to get rid of the baby. We all shouted “yes!”

She started to toy with us, holding out these two stuffed cats, one gold and white, and one black and white. I somehow knew their names were Sun and Moon.

She asked us if we wanted to delete them, and we all shouted no. She kept asking us variations of “are you sure?” and throwing in questions about the baby to trip us up. Our answers became more hesitant.

She eventually grew tired of this game. She tossed the stuffed cats away and clapped her hands. “Alright! Everyone, start dating each other.” If we obeyed her commands, she would delete the giant baby. Nobody was happy about it, but we had to do as she asked. The field trip had to take precedence.

We all walked around aimlessly in a small area, much like those drama class activities. We would stop at people and pretend to kiss them, to appease the entity. One girl had a strange oozing red growth on the side of her mouth, but she explained that she just ate some watermelon, and it was too big to really fit in her mouth.

Finally, the entity was satisfied. She told us to stop, then the baby just keeled over dead. We cheered and piled on the boat, heading to school.

[kogatunes]

THE FOREST RASCALS!! // some random omori au me and my friends made :3

uh.. the forest rascals is an OMORI AU (but with our OMORI ocs, what a shocker) made by Elysia, Ruxxide, Kitsaku, Roasted and Kogatunes!! it's like.. sorta the main cast but with, again, our OMORI ocs, it represents our actual friendgroup online/irl! :3

this idea has been going on for 3 months and we're really proud of it!! the story is still in progress tho so a LOT of changes will be made in the final thing we put out ;3 ;3 ;3 ;3

SO UH ANYWAY, enough rambling!

CASTS NAMES!! Marco Echavez, Hinode Mirai, Cass Barkly, Koi Ito and Niko Miller. (wow)

SOOO, 5 people in total, you're probably asking yourself: "Why am I reading a bunch of kids' OCs?? i should be doing the laundry and walking the dog" actually, we don't know either, just keep reading, I'm desperate, i'm begging tumblr will show this to other people waahh

Will post the designs later, or maybe never hehe

HEADSPACE !!!!

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MARCO SAYS:

“Hey! You over there! Have you heard of my brother?”

MARCO is a passionate young boy with a strange obsession with his big brother and also empanada de carnes. He constantly boasts about how he has an amazing big brother which is probably why he has a lot of friends. He proclaims himself to be the leader of the FOREST RASCALS, but nobody’s really sure anyone in that group is sane at this point.

Stats Heart: ⭐ Juice: ⭐⭐ Attack: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Defense: ⭐ Speed: ⭐⭐⭐️⭐️ Luck: ⭐

His Weapon: Megaphone. “Hey, isn’t this already—“ No it isn’t! Marco’s megaphone is constantly used for his advertisements and rambling, except ten times worse because it’s mechanically modified to be ten times louder.

made by: Elysia

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KOI SAYS:

"Hi! I'm KOI! Whats up?!" KOI is always down to have acquaintances and friends! She's a very social gal, but sometimes she gets a little moody and upset, but a good joke will always bring a bright smile to her face! Her brain can sometimes be a little slow though, she refuses to wear her glasses, no matter how hard you try to convince her.

Stats Heart: ⭐⭐⭐ Juice: ⭐⭐ Attack: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Defense: ⭐⭐⭐ Speed: ⭐⭐ Luck: ⭐

Her Weapon: Stapler A stapler, some of the staples are kind of rusty, perfect for hitting people on the head, or just stapling their arm. (owch), but Koi hasn't thought of that attack yet, dont tell her.

Likes: Scented markers, Cats, Ornaments, Stickers, Fruit soda Dislikes: Marco's excessive talking about his brother, Teasing, Pranks where she cant fight back.

made by: Kogatunes (or Krillchi)

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CASS SAYS:

"Value is in the eye of the beholder!"

CASS is known as that one kid who'd somehow and some way get into trouble and not know it! There's always a little mischievous plan he has going on in that head of his, and you are gonna be there to find that out yourself! He isn't the smartest guy on the group, but he can stir up a quick plan when he needs to!

Heart: ⭐⭐⭐ Juice: ⭐⭐⭐ Attack: ⭐⭐⭐ Defense: ⭐⭐ Speed: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Luck: ⭐⭐⭐

[weapon: Tree Branch]

Likes: crickets and other bugs, cheesecake, mudfish, empty boxes, toy cars, cats, and dinosaur posters

Dislikes: Cucumbers, Amusement parks, Huge crowds, Plastic forks, Waiting rooms, and bright lights.

Made by: Ruxxide

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MIRAI SAYS:

"Hm..? Oh..hello, fellow dreamer.."

MIRAI is a kind and gentle soul, She sleeps quite a lot and pretty much anytime anywhere! She's not very social and is quite shy and quiet as well, she's quite emotional but her emotions can switch really fast, she's usually either calm or cheerful though. Her left eye's vision is absolutely so bad she can't even read with it. She likes a certain someone.. someone who has a rock.

Heart: ⭐⭐⭐ Juice: ⭐⭐ Attack: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Defense: ⭐⭐ Speed: ⭐⭐ Luck: ⭐

Her Weapon: A long stick

A broom stick without the sweepies, She treats it as a sword and swings it around, she probably randomly picked it up in one of their adventures and claimed it as her weapon, She actually once broke one out of anger so be careful if she breaks it again.. she might think of stabbing instead.

Likes: Animals, Drawing, Sleeping, Eating, Her Friends, Adventures, Marco's big brother, a certain someone

Dislikes: Homework, creepy insects, Marco eating insects, getting lost

made by: Kitsaku

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NIKO SAYS:

"Oh, hello there!"

Niko is a kind boy! Despite the hardships he has gone through he always remained optimistic and happy! also he has the worst eyesight ever.

Heart: ⭐⭐ Juice: ⭐⭐⭐ Attack: ⭐⭐⭐ Defense: ⭐⭐ Speed: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Luck: ⭐⭐

made by: Roasted

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heres all of our twitters btw <3

Ruxxide: https://twitter.com/Moldycakeq

Elysia: https://twitter.com/starchasmnyxon

Kogatunes: https://twitter.com/kogatunes

Kitsaku: https://twitter.com/HinodeMirai

Roasted: https://twitter.com/roasted53666504

[sofarsogoodsowhat]

little baby (homo for scale)