#i realize that i could simply find out the answer by reading tv tropes but i dont want to deal with the psychic damage the truth presents

[darkhopping]

if i finish transformers prime and i find out that its somehow more appalling than songs of war im going to eat my fucking keyboard

[trash-but-respectable-trash]

So I saw your your brother reaction to fifity shades of grey and it was halrious 😂 so since your request are open I was kinda hoping you could do a mc who is a movie star and they watch her movie then how are their reaction to her kissing and steamy scenes and how mc is comfortable throughout the movie and comment that their partner was really good kisser I'm pretty sure it's gonna be awkward

Thank you for the request, I love this idea! I felt like it would be weird for some of the brothers to tell them about the other actor being a good kisser, so this part isn’t mention with every brother. Sorry for the long wait, I was in the process of moving out and then I kinda lost motivation to write, but I’m finally back!

The brothers reactions to seeing MC “acting” in a steamy scene from a movie she starred in

Context: You casually mentioned to Asmodeus that you starred in a movie back in the human realm when he was doing your nails and Asmo made it a mission to found out what was the movie since you didn’t want to tell him. He finally found it after using his natural charms and decided to wait for the perfect occasion to watch it with you and the rest of his brothers.

Warnings: This is in second person, but I do use “actress” when I’m mentioning the MC, also mild NSFW mentions

Lucifer:

Movie Friday wasn’t Lucifer’s favorite, but it was one of the rare occasion where he and his brothers could hang out all together and it also gave him a few hours where he could relax, knowing that none of his brothers were causing trouble. He lost count of who’s turn it was to choose the movie this week, but when Asmo stood up almost skipping towards the TV, he was suddenly worried. He prohibited Asmo from choosing any movie that as much as resembled porn for everyone sakes, so Asmo would often choose movies that were almost porn but no quite, just to annoy Lucifer. While he waited to see what movie it could be this time, he couldn’t help but notice the way you shifted in your seat next to him. He wanted to ask you what was wrong, but he soon figured it out when he looked back at the screen and saw YOU and a random guy on the title screen. You seemed to get out of your trance and you quickly turned to Lucifer to tell him you were the main actress in the movie Asmo chose. Lucifer remembered seeing that information in your student file. Lucifer being Lucifer, he carefully analyzed every part of the movie, admiring your acting skills until the steamy scene came up. He didn’t say anything, acting like nothing was wrong even though he had a clear shot of your naked body, when he never even saw it in real life yet. He he was doing fine until you casually told him that the actor kissing you and touching you in inappropriate ways, was actually a really good kisser and that you were not totally acting in that scene. Lucifer can’t believe you just told him that like it was nothing. How could you say that and expected him to take it well? Suddenly he can’t hide his frown anymore and frankly, you hurt his pride as well. He decided that to make up for it, he’ll just have to make you forget about this guy by given you an even greater kiss.

Mammon:

Mammon knew about your acting, but he didn’t really care about it once you told him you were “retired” and didn’t want to act anymore. You thought it was fun for the time it lasted, but you were over it and Mammon knew he couldn’t make money out of your acting skills. What he didn’t expect was for Asmo to choose one of the movies you were featured in for Movie Friday. He was actually too busy fighting with Levi to realized you were literally on the home screen of the movie until you pulled on his sleeve to get his attention. Once he looked at the TV, he suddenly turned into a blushing mess. “Who the fuck is that guy embracing you??”. “It’s the other main actor Mammon!”. How could you do this to him? It’s not like you guys were dating or anything and it’s also not like you knew him back then when you shot that movie, but you shouldn’t have done it anyway! Mammon was pissed off about the whole thing before the movie even began. But whatever he was mad about couldn’t have prepared him for the steamy scene he was about to witness. Why was this guy giving you this look? And why was he now taking off your clothes??? Mammon couldn’t take it anymore, he stood up from his seat on the couch and turn off the TV, making everyone complained about it getting to the good part. Mammon just told them they were all a bunch of perverts before storming out of the living room and into his bedroom. You decided to follow him, finding him crawling on his bed, rambling about how he was your first demon and that it meant something to him. You comforted him all night long, telling him how important he was to you too and how it was just a stupid movie with no feelings involved. You were glad you didn’t tell him about how you thought the actor was a great kisser, you didn’t think Mammon would have ever get over it.

Leviathan:

“Wooooaaaaahhhh” was his first reaction when you told him you were an actress back in the human world. He asked you all about the movies you played in, obviously asking if you knew any actors from TSL and he was a little disappointed when you told him that you didn’t know any of them personally. Other than that one time, he never asked you about it again, since he prefers to watch shows in 2D anyway. So when you tried to get his attention when he was fighting with Mammon and he finally looked at the screen, he wasn’t surprised to see you on the home screen of the movie Asmo chose. He had no idea what the movie was about, but for once he ditched his switch to give all of his attention to the movie. He could easily tell from all the anime tropes he ever saw in his life, that a steamy scene was coming just by the obvious sexual tension the movie was trying to set between you and the other actor. This didn’t prevent him from being completely flustered when the scene actually happened. He started freaking out in his seat, struggling to keep still and talking out loud about the last TSL episode he watched, anything to think about something else than you and that guy on screen even if no one was actually paying attention to him. When the scene was finally over, he calmed down and even enjoyed the rest of the movie, the remaining scenes not going further than kisses. When the movie was finally over, he quickly got up and simply said “great movie” before running to his room to found the movie online and rewatch the steamy scene in the privacy of his room.

Satan:

Satan is someone who would rather read a book than watch a movie even though he does enjoy watching a good movie from time to time. He learned about your previous acting career when you told him once that you played in a movie that was based on the human book he was currently reading. Since he didn’t particularly like the book, he didn’t bother watching the movie version. Especially since it was before he really got to know you, so he wasn’t really interested by your acting at the time. He recognized the name of the movie when he saw the cover of the movie before Asmo even put it into the DVD player. He remembered there were quite a few steamy moments in the book and he started wondering if there would be any of those scenes in the movie. He was quite enjoying the movie at first, he was also analyzing every detail of your acting much like Lucifer, noting how much of a great actress you were and it became especially true when the first steamy scene came on. It was actually hard for him to tell if you were acting or if it was genuine so he decided to asked you directly since you were sitting next to him. He wasn’t particularly happy with your answer when you told him that it was barely acting and that you thought the other actor was a really good kisser. Satan didn’t fully understand the emotion he was feeling but he associated it to the way he felt whenever you were hanging out with one of his brothers. Perhaps it was jealousy? Or maybe he was feeling protective over you? Whatever it was he didn’t like it and it only made him want to kiss you right there just to make you forget about this guy and the kiss he gave you.

Asmodeus:

He was the most curious of all the brothers since unlike his other brothers, you actually told Asmo about the steamy scene in the movie you starred in. He was a bit disappointed when you didn’t want to tell him exactly what movie it was, but he had his ways and it didn’t take long before he found out which movie it was and got his hands on a copy of the movie. Once he found it though, he couldn’t wait to watch it, finally seeing how you look naked, making his imagination go wild. But he decided that this was too good to watch alone, so he waited for his turn for Movie Friday. He also knew Lucifer would let him choose this movie since it wasn’t labeled as anything sexual. The wait was killing him, but he knew it would be worth it to see the reactions of his brothers to seeing you in a steamy scene. He tried to keep a straight face so Lucifer wouldn’t be suspicious, which turned out harder than he initially thought. When the steamy scene finally came on about an hour into the movie, he was conflicted between watching the reactions of everyone or watching your performance on screen. One thing’s for sure, he isn’t the avatar of lust for nothing, he could instantly tell just from watching glimpses of you, that you were definitely not faking it. He teased you about it, expecting you to turn red and struggle to find an explanation, but you just casually told him that he was right and that you weren’t acting in that scene. You even got further in your explanation, telling him that there was sexual tension between you and the actor from the start and when it finally came to this scene, the sexual tension was just so intense that you didn’t even have to act. Asmo was impressed by your honesty, he wasn’t expecting you to be so blunt about it, but he loved it! Although he was disappointed that this was the only steamy scene of the whole movie, he definitely enjoyed what he saw of you and your skills in bed. Now he just had to have you in his own bed to experience your skills himself.

Beelzebub:

You casually mentioned your acting career to Beel one day, when you were eating snacks in the kitchen together at midnight. Beel didn’t press you about it since you didn’t seem like you wanted to talk about it any further. He was a very happy boy when he saw your face appeared on the screen, he was finally gonna watch a movie with you starring in it! He tried to stay focused on what was going on, but he had trouble with all the food in front of him. What got his attention and made him forgot all about the food, was when he heard the sudden change in music and simultaneously saw you kissing the other main actor while he was undressing you. Usually, when you were all watching movies together, you would sit on Beel’s lap, but today you decided to sit next to him instead and he was so glad you did because there’s no way he could hide his erection from you. He wouldn’t have thought that seeing you like this would made him react like this, but he couldn’t stop his mind from creating images of the scene that was unfolding in front of his eyes, but with you and him instead. He snapped out of it when you asked him if was okay when you noticed he had stop eating. He reassured you he was fine, asking you to come to the kitchen with him to get more snack even though there were still plenty on the table in front of you. When you questioned him, he quickly told you he was now craving a different kind of snack. Oh. I hope you’re ready, because once he has a taste of this snack, he won’t stopped until he’s satisfied and it might take a while.

Belphegor:

You told him about your acting one day when you were both hanging out in the planetarium. You were both lying down, mindlessly looking at the celling while telling each other random facts about yourselves. This all started when Belphie told you that he was annoyed that his brothers got so much time with you while he was stuck in the attic. Since then, you and Belphie hung out in the planetarium once a week so he could hopefully catch up on the time he wasted being trapped in the attic. He thankfully stayed awake long enough to see that you were the main actress of the movie Asmo chose. He suddenly felt very awake and payed an usual amount of attention to the movie. He just really liked seeing you on screen, acting as a totally different person, it was very interesting to him. It made him think about the time where he faked being an human to trick you into helping him get out of the attic. Whatever thoughts were crossing his mind were quickly dissipated when the steamy scene came on. Were you always this beautiful? He couldn’t help but be mesmerized by your beauty throughout the scene and just like his twin brother, he couldn’t help but imagine himself instead of your on-screen partner in that scene. He immediately got up once the movie ended, he couldn’t wait to get to the attic to take a good nap. He would’ve just take a nap in the living room, but knowing what he was about to dream about, he didn’t want to do anything inappropriate in his sleep around you or his brothers. Let’s just say his dreams that night were filled with images of you and your beautiful body.

[popculturebuffet]

The Legend of the Three Caballeros: Dope-A-Cabana Review (Commissioned by WeirdKev27)

Salduos Amigos! Since i’m covering a full series, i’d like to welcome any newcomers to the first part of the epic final stretch of THE RIDE OF THE THREE CABLLEROS! For those of you just joining us, a few months back WeirdKev27, easily my biggest supporter as the only one who comissions any reviews from me, asked if I could do a big project for him: a comission of EVERY major american apperance of those three happy chappies in matching serapes. Give i’ve ALWAYS loved the boys ever since house of mouse and had been sitting on Legend of the Three Cablleros for far too long, more on that in a minute obviously, I happily agreed. Plus the rather nice influx of cash from the comissions was very welcome. If your intrested in comissioning your own, hit me up via my direct messages. It’s 5 dolalrs an episode, though I do do discounts on orders of 3 or more, and 10 for a movie, with again discounts for orders of more than one. And yes that plug was very shamless, but again I have no other job than this.  Back to the point these reviews have taken me on a wonderful journey: I got to rewatch the movie and revel in the fun songs, acid trips and super horny Donald Duck, got to both revisit one of Don Rosa’s best story and read another all time classic from the man I hadn’t before, took a trip back to the house of mouse to hear some great songs and see some great cartoons.. and some not so great ones, took a small detour to Mickey and The Roadster Racers to be baffled and annoyed though I am proud to say it was my first review back after I came down with Cornovirus and lost a week of work time. And finally I covered the town where everyone was nice, and got to see the boys have a joyous reunion with Donald and be lushly animated while.. Dewey jackassed around in a B-Plot and Webby resisted the urge to throat chop him. It’s been a long ride and you can find all of it is so far RIGHT HERE IN THIS CONVIENT LINK ! CLICK IT NOW IF YOUR CURIOUS. Point is while this was well paid for.. it’s easily one of the projects i’ve been most proud of and while i’m sad to see it winding down, i’m proud of what i’ve done so far, and I just wanted to heartily thank Kevin for the ride and for being so generious as to fund the whole damn thing. Your a good dude man. 

Which brings us here, to the grand finale. The Legend of the Three Caballeros! As the boys first starring roll as a group since the movie, there was really no other way this retrospective could end, and since I have a terrible problem with procastination and really hated this series version of daisy I just kept pushing back watching the series until now. I’m not proud of it but I am happy to correct it and hope you’ll all come along with me.  Before we get started I could not find much background on the show. It was directred by Matt Danner who was the character designer for the utter classic Xiaoilin Showdown and currently works on the Muppet Babies reboot, so i’m happy he’s still getting work. Otherwise I couldn’t find much. The most I could was on tv tropes, claming the series was orignally meant for Netflix.. and while I have no proof and this could easily be conjecture.. i’m inclined to belivie it. The series was apparently done long before the Ducktales reboot, to the point Frank Angrones was only vaguely aware of it and it didn’t even remotely impact the series, with Panchito and Jose only debuting in Season 2 because the original idea for bringing them in was scrapped. So while I don’t have proof.. I’m inclined to belivie it since it makes sense: Disney DID have a healthy relationship with Netflix once, setting up the MCU shows and likely being happy there.. but eventually they wanted their own corner of the sky, and likely didn’t want one of their shows bolted to the network like all their marvel shows were.  The problem this created though is Disney was CLEARLY left with a show they no longer had a place for. But even with that the show was still done, they COULD have put it on the Disney Now app or just aired it on the Disney Channel. See if there was any fan intrest in season 2 or throw one into production to at least beef up the episode count. I mean the Cabs have a built in fanbase, kids would likely love it... it’s the logical choice. But this is Disney. They’ve had to be drug kicking and screaming into representation, to the point they had to be fought for the gay romance subplot in owl house to happen, try to hide that the Sparkshort “Out” is about a gay man struggling with coming out despite having you know reams of content on the service with either gay subtext or out and out gay characters, and their attempts at doing representatoin to score points in other little ways.. have been pathetic, easily missable bits in movies that could , and have been, edited out in more homophobic countries. My point is yeah i’m still sore about how they and a LOT of the animation industry have to be dragged into doing the right thing over profit, and they often make very stupid decisions for seemingly no reason. They are a good company a good chunk of the time.. but Disney has done fucked up quite a bit. This is one of those times.  Instead they dumped the show on the Disney Life app in the phillipines and slowly some other countries, basically the Disney Now equilvent over there, and then just sort of forgot about it until Disney Plus launched. And given how many shows they HAVEN’T put on the streamer for again, seemingly no reason, it is a nice suprise the show finally got a release on there in the US. But before that, and proving what a massive mistake just abandoing the show was, the show did gather a massive fanbase via people uploading the episodes online. So yeah the show was treated REALLY shittily for stupid reasons, but thankfully it still has a fanbase to this day and said shabby treatment, as it always does, just encouraged fans to support it harder. So naturally i’m more than happy to give the series some spotlight as fanbase or no, it badly needs it and Disney sure as hell dosen’t want to do it. So if somebody’s gotta do it, might as well be me. This is the Legend of the Three Cablleros.  We open on some narration from Xandra, Goddess of Adventure. Granted she hasn’t been identified yet, and won’t be till next episode.. buuuut it’s easier on me to not have to dance around her name so your learning it now. But Xandra narrates that long ago there were epic battles against the good and the evil and all that by epic heroes, and it’s all cumilated in the Legend of the Three Cablleros. Post title drop we’re treated to the boys, in cool looking armor and with neat weapons, fighting a purple monster man as you do in an really beautiful and epic sequence As this scene illustrates the animation for this show is GORGEOUS, a lavish update of the standard disney style with nice use of shadows. It feels almost film quality in it’s work, and it’s an utter treat to watch and opening at the end was a good call: it both ratchets up excitement and allows the first ep to have some action since this one, as part of a two part premiere, is mostly setup. It’s eyecatching, exciting and makes you want to know what the hell is going on. And since Xandra realizes MAYBE starting the story at the climax was a bad idea, she takes us back a bit.

Okay maybe not that far. No we open properly at Donald’s house, where it’s his birthday! And like the movie, it’s Friday the 13th, an excellent call back. Donald’s making his breakfast, boliling some tea and.. talking with the weird foced warped refelection in the kettle who can apparently only say “right back at you handsome, wink”. Seriously I have so many questoins and all of them are about what this guy is, why is Donald so calm about all of this, and is he still alive after Donald destroys his tea kettle later.  Donaldo gets a call from Daisy, whose visting to spend the day with him and is waiting patiently int he bad part of town. I didn’t know Duckburg had a bad part of town but given Glomgold has to get his sharks and bombs somewhere, i’m not surprised. Unless he special orders them, but even then what if he needs a shark or a bomb in a hurry? He’s gotta get them somewhere and now we know where. So there’s that. So all’s going well until Donald’s asshole boss calls and forces him to come in despite Donald having the fucking day off and it presumably being on the schedule. So Donald rushes to work, and we do get some great gags but as you’d expect for Donald it goes poorly and he botches a kid’s haircut despite the mother being very rude.. and also a female version of pete. LIke.. did he remarry after the divorce from peg or is that his sister? Does that mean PJ and PIstol have a cousin I never knew about? I want answers dammit.. and picutures of spider-man. Not for any slander job I just really like spider-man. 

Eh it’ll do.As i’m doing a full series this time i’m stopping to talk about the main cast as we go soooo.... Tony Anselmo is naturally Donald, even pitching in to consult the crew on Donald’s characterization here, as really what better expert is there? He’s voiced Donald since the original Ducktales and has stuck with the roll since, only taking a break for Mickey and the Roadster racers and that’s likely because between finishing up this series and the Mickey Mouse shorts, and moving on to Ducktales 2017, he likely simply didn’t have the time for it. Granted given how little he was used in the first season of the show, he probably still could’ve done it but regardless, he’s a legend.  Daisy is voiced by Tress Macneile, who not only has voiced the character since House of Mouse and is easily the best voice for her, but is also one of the most storied and legendary va’s in the buisness, having been at this since the 80′s with zero signs of stopping. Just to name a few of her more notable roles, in chronological order; Gadget Hackenwrench, Babs Bunny, Agnes Skinner, Charlotte Pickles, Dot Warner (Which as of last year she’s picked up again and will do the same for Babs, just in case you thought i was exagerating on the “zero signs of stopping” thing), Pookie from Hey Arnold, Mom, Hoodsey Bishop, and Queen Oona among MANY, MANY smaller rolls. I didn’t even realize Charlotte or Hodsey were here, she’s that talented and deserves all the praise.. and way better rolls as Daisy than this one but we’ll both get to that and thankfully much like with Tony, the reboot’s giving her character some depth to work with so she gets to reallys tretch her chops. The woman turns 70 here, will likely keep going until she dies, and is wonderful and deserves more respect. 

 So because this is Donald, life wont’ stop punching him in the face and it turns out his house burned down, the fire people are destroying everything because their assholes, seriously they destroy both a family heirloom and a picture of his parents despite not being on fire. I’d be genuinely suprised if their general strategy wasn’t scremaing “fire, fire fire” and then going “rock rock rock” while they throw rocks on it. Super brucey bonus prize for the first person who gets that refrence and comments on it. I’ll get back to this in a second but SOMEHOW, beisdes loosing his home, all his possesions and his job... it gets even WORSE and Daisy calls, refuses to listen to him despite him having VERY valid excuses and breaks up with him. Oh and then the fire fighters gladly talk about going home to their in tact houses  and partners. 

So yeah let’s talk about this. This first 6 or 7 minutes.. is why I didn’t return to the show for a while. My brain has a bad habit of glomming onto certain parts of things, so it remembered the rough to sit through and not very funny first act.. and not the rest of the episode which is very good and likely more indiciative about how good the series is. Thankfully it does get better but this first act .. frames things like it’s DONALD’S fault somehow. I mean yes he did burn his house down.. but even that really isn’t his fault. He was called away suddenly, wasn’t thinking and made a mistake. Hell he proabably woudl’ve had more left if the fire department hadn’t gone crazy with the axes. His being called into work? He took the day off, and his boss was just a dick. His screwing up at the job? he was genuinely trying his best and doing his best and the client was just wholly unresonable. Donald did nothing wrong but the episode WANTS to frame him like some sort of screwup.. which he is, it’s Donald.. but not in this case. It was just a string of uncomfortable to watch bad luck that cumilates in him having nothing left. It’s not funny, it’s jsust really sad and it’s REALLY hard to tell the tone their going for as they seem to awkwardly bounce from jokes to Donald being utterly devistated and alone. 

And the worst of this.. is Daisy. Daisy is EASILY the most infamous part of the show, as their portryal.. is pretty bad and apparently gets worse. We’ll see as we go but yeah.. her screaming at and breaking up with her boyfriend without listneing to his side and giving the claim we only have HER word on that he’s always screwing up, ON HIS BIRTHDAY no less, when he’s done nothing wrong, does not make a good first impression nor the fact the show seems to AGREE WITH HER. And look Donald is a trainwreck, this is true.. but the show dosen’t remotely portray him as one until AFTER this scene. As I said nothing that happened was his fault. Donald isn’t irresponsible or a screwup or dating a high schooler or anything. He isn’t Scott Pilgrim. He just has really bad luck. Again, we do see some foibles in the scenes to come.. but we don’t see any that would justify her claims, especially since she seemed perfectly happy earlier with him. Now if she’d say brought up some screwups in the first scene, and gently at that, then this would’ve worked.. but as it stands she just comes off as MASSIVELY unsymapthetic.. especially since Donald later calls her nieces over for help, which is objectively weird not gonna lie.. so she now KNOWS he had to move to a new house and his likely burned down.. yet still apparently has nothing good to say about him. 

It didn’t help this rubbed me the wrong way in a very special way. As i’ve made plain before I don’t like THIS version of Daisy, the nagging, selfish, vindictive asshole who will gladly try and cheat on donald, dump him at a moments notice and you know PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE. Which just in case you think i’m exagerating...

She fucking upercutted him..and like here for something that isn’t his fault. I mean this Daisy isn’t physically beating Donald.. but that’s a VERY low bar to clear. And emotional abuse is just as bad, so there. My point is too often in the comics when written poorly, Daisy is a pretty terrible person and I REALLY didn’t want a screen adaptation of this form of Daisy. It took a WHILE to recover from not liking daisy over this version, with help from remembering house of mouse, some good barks story with her and the AMAZING Ducktales version and the suprisingly good Quack Pack version.. I did. But yeah.. this is not a good sign of things to come for the character in this show. 

So yeah Donald’s heart is in the basement and his week is at an all time low when a post man shows up and gives him a letter.. well puts it in the box for a good gag but semantics. But the letter turns around as his ancestor Clinton Coot left him an inhertance for his 3Xth birthday: a house of some kind in the swanky neighboring town of New Quackmore. And i’ll also say.. it’s REALLY nice that for once, we focus on the Duck side of Donald’s legacy, or rather the coot but semantics, instead of the McDuck part. Don’t get me wrong, I fucking love the clanmcduck, always will and I love Ducktales exploration of it.. but it’s still nice to acknowledge Donald comes from two sides and while one of those may be humble farmers, they still accomplished a lot, including founding Duckburg in most continuities including presumably this one. It’s also a good way to seperate thigns from other properties including the reboot: focusing on a part of Donald’s lineage that isn’t usually touched on and making THEM just as badass as the other side. 

So we get a quick montage as Donald takes a cab there and takes in the rich and fancy sights. It’s also a brilliant way to set up New Quackmore and it’s attached instutite as a fancy, upperclass place.. and thus perfectly clash it with Donald. Donald ends up getting dropped off at a big mansion.. which is not his , but belongs to the insittutes head, Baron Von Sheldgoose, played by WAYNE KNIGHT. 

Hell. Yes. I freaking love Wayne Knight. In case you don’t know who the man above is, or at least don’t recognize his face, Wayne Knight is a very funny and talented actor and voice actor with a lengthy career primarily in side rolls, with the rolls that he broke out with being loveable asshole and Jerry’s enternal nemisis Newman on Seinfeld and Dennis Nedry, aka “that guy who got sprayed acid in his face by those horrifying frilled dinosaurs that will never not haunt my nightmares”. Seriously that scene fucked me up as a kid and I could not watch that part of the movie. For the most part he’s been a side character man but he has done a LOT of voice work, most notable Zurg in Buzz Lightyear of Star Command, Dojo for the aformentioned and excellent Xiaolin Showdown, and Mr. Blik for Catscratch and I wish he’d do more. He also recently voiced the penguin in Harley Quin so when I get to that you better belivie i’m looking forward to it. Point is while he may not always get the glory, and had to settle for starring in a mediocre tv land sitcom to get a steady paycheck once, the man is VERY talented, very funny and perfectly cast here. 

So Donald makes himself home, finds out it’s not HIS home and gets thrown out by the snooty rich asshole’s bodyguards. As you’d expect. Donald does find HIS home, a run down cabana next door to the mansion with caution tape all over. Still Donald takes it best he can as it’s better than no home at all> What he doesn’t take well is finding out from the executor of the will that he’s not the only one inheriting the house... which is  absolutley fair. The guy just had the worst day of his life, and this lady didn’t bother to put in the letter to any of them that they were sharing the house. The Sheldgoose thing was just an average Donald screw up. This is just this lady going...

But yes we meet our boys.. and the introductions are naturally given this series is about them the best we’ve gotten so far: Jose is thrown off a bus, having ran out of fair, and having wooed all the ladies on board, and quickly charms the executor and is perfectly cordial to Donald, while Panchito parachutes out of a plane and marvels at how he went from nothing to having two new best friends, a run down shack and a sleezy lawyer! In short the two make a great first impression, helped by wonderful casting.  Jose is voiced by Eric Bauza, a talented voice actor whose had WAY too many roles to list here, but two of the most notable are being the current voice of Bugs and Daffy, and his most notable role outside that recently has been playing Splinter in Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But the guy is endlessly talented, seems really nice, and is easily one of my faviorite Jose’s so far after just one episode. He just.. gets the character perfectly and is thankfully NOT another white guy stepping into the role, so that’s nice. He easily oozes the charm and layabout nature Jose and was a natural in the role and i hope he gets to take it up again at some point.  Speaking of naturals we have Jamie Camil as Panchito, who easily steps into the guys boundless energy and the sterotpical bits are swapped out for making him a cloud cuckoolander instead, which I genuinely love and fits the character perfectly. He’s best known for CW Soap Jane the Virgin, where his charcter Rodrigo just sounds like a delight, but has recently picked up a pretty good voice acting career, vocing Don Karnage in the Ducktales reboot, Globgor in Star vs the Forces of Evil and Todd’s Stepdad George in Bojack Horseman. I only hope he gets more voice work as he’s really damn great at it and it’s wonderful to get to see him in a role that’s not limited to a few episodes at best for a change. 

So Donald’s less than happy about this, again it’s hard to really be that mad at him when he’s had a really, REALLY bad day and wasn’t told about this, but it’s kept to just the light level of grumpy as to not make him unlikeable. Granted after that intro it’d take a LOT to make him unsympathetic, but after their version of Daisy I really dont’ want to test this series.  Our boys also find out they have a groundskeeper, ari, aka THE ARCUAN BIRD! He’s just a delight any time he pops up, doing his usual “ya ta ta ta” bit, and being adorable and hilarioius as always.. and also hilariously failing to fix the boys door. So Donald ends up just accepting he has roomates now, nothing he can do, and the three explore the house finding all sorts of cool old artifacts, feeling they’ve stumbled onto something specail. And you know what that means: YARD SALE! Seriously it feels like a bit out of Wet Hot American Summer or Stella, a  series from the same creators you really should check out and that is high praise, trust me. 

I wish this series was streaming somewhere.. I mean we finally got Clone HIgh streaming Viacom, get on that. Anyways, it’s just.. fucking hilarious, and a LOT of this episode is once we walk back from the writers kicking donald in the junk and acting like it was his fault. Once Donald gets his inhertiance, the episode picks up immensley and we see the shows real charm and hilarirty fly, with jokes coming at a rapid and wonderful pace. The show really did impress me with the second half and made me utterly excited for tommrow.. or I guess today’s, look at the follow up.  But we’re still in this episode and being a rich asshole, Sheldgoose isn’t happy about a yard sale, though given this series standards, we not only get some great deliveres from Knight of an outraged “A YARD SALE?!”... but a wonderful gag where Sheldgoose out to white guy it up and yell at them over this..accidently takes a wrong turn in his massive house, and turns around, not loosing how upset he is once.  Meanwhile, we meet.. April, May and June. Yeah apparnetly Della isn’t dead or lost in this continuity, so the boys are MIA, and are instead replaced by Daisy’s Nieces, who I hope show up in the reboot before it ends. Especially since the show makes them WAY more tolerable than classic huey dewey and louie and instead enjoyable like Ducktales HDL. While not as indvidual as those three, the three are still idendtical outside of outfits, their voice actress Jessica DiCicco uses her consderiable talents and experince to give each one a unique voice, so while they all share a voice actress, none of them sound alike. And to round out our main cast for now, as our last members will be joining us fully next time, let’s talke about Jessica DiCicco. Jessica is a very talented and increasingly prolific voice actor and if you haven’t heard of her, and you probably have, you’ve defintely heard her voice. Starting out with Disney, hence why the probably called on her for this, she did the voices of Maggie for the Buzz on Maggie and Melina for Emperor’s New School before breaking out as Flame Princess on Adventure Time, whose both one of my faviorite characters from the show and one we’ll be digging into starting next month. And not one to rest easily she picked up a second set of iconic rolls vocing Lynn and Lucy Loud on The Loud HOuse, and funnily enough using those voices for two of the girls here. And along with Loud House she’s also currently starring in it’s Pony and is int he main cast of Close Enough as Candace. My point is she’s exceedingly talented.. as is this whole cast, as it’s a DAMN excellent cast and just further sells that this series deserves better.  We’ll get into the girls more next time as they don’t do much here other than get called in by Donald for help, with what I saw of episode 2 fleshing them out more. Point is Sheldgoose offers a million dollars for the cabana and all it’s stuff and the boys are glad to sell.. they just have to find something Sheldgoose desperately wants, a mysterious golden atlas encrusted with Jewels.  Our heroes head in to find it with Panchito finding it, and being very specific about it. We also get a nice call back to Ari destroying the door as Jose cleverly calls on him to destroy the lock. So our heroes open the book... and a goddess pops out and threatens to kill them all. 

Final Thoughts: Dope-A-Cabana is a decent intro the series, but as i’ve said it’s heavily hampered by a weak and mean spirited first act. But once it gets going it REALLY gets going and as part 1 one of a two part pilot, it does it’s job well once it does get going: introducing our three boys and one of our antagonists well and setting up the side cast and preparing for our last to major additions Next Time: The Boys go on their first adventure, Sheldgoose finds a boss and the girls find their voice. Thanks for Reading, Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye. 

[mulletcal]

if my heart had a voice - a (bi/aro) calum hood blurb.

a/n: okay so i’ve had this idea in my brain for so, so long and i had hesitated a lot writing it but i’d like to give a special thank you to: @frontmanash​, @softbabiestan​, @sexgodashton​, @goth5sos​, and @irwinkitten​​ for giving me motivation and being so sweet while i wrote this, i appreciate all of you so, so much you have no idea.

this is my first time writing something like this, so i hope you enjoy. it’s a genderless reader insert!

word count: 2.6k

warnings: struggles with romantic orientation, mentions of smut but no actual smut.

---

Friends with benefits - it’s something that sounds easy in theory, but movies and TV shows would lead you to believe otherwise.  Complicated was a word that was often associated with it as well, stating that no two people could simply have sex, that feelings would always end up involved.

That wasn’t the case for Calum, well, not really.  He had met you, and the two of you hit it off right away.  You talked into all hours of the night until the sun came up about anything and everything; he felt heard, he felt appreciated, he realistically felt what most people would deem as a crush, or romantic attraction.  Calum couldn’t bring himself to call it that though, because that’s not how it seemed to him.  It felt natural when the two of you fell into bed together, a tangle of limbs and breathy moans, but he never was drawn to the idea of asking you to be his partner.  You never seemed to mind either, which Calum was grateful for; he had so many questions that constantly circulated through his mind, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for a conversation about why he didn’t want more with you.

Calum’s racing thoughts seemed to never cease, a constant question of why didn’t he want more with you; or simply why he never wanted more with anyone.  His last relationship ended because what he thought was love turned out to be nothing more than just a physical attraction, lips never parted long enough to sort out emotions before it was too late.  Love had been uttered in a fruitless attempt to keep her around long enough to hopefully truly feel something, but it never worked. 

Another Saturday night rolled around, and the two of you had started a movie you never saw the end of, too distracted with exploring each others’ bodies.  Seeing you lie next to him, chest heaving with a small smile on your face brought a smile to his own lips, admiring you basking in the glow from the TV screen.  Calum often wondered what you were like around your other friends, if you made them laugh as hard as he did, or would also text them in the middle of the night with a random thought or meme.  Panic crept up on him at the thought, suddenly fully aware that he could be caught up in some sort of TV trope - did you have romantic feelings for him? Was there a possibility of losing you forever if he didn’t reciprocate the feelings?

His mind couldn’t settle that night, tossing and turning, mind racing at the thought of losing you.  Would he lose you? Banished to a new level of weird and uncomfortable - running into someone in public who you know has seen you naked, or even more seen your face when you’re about to fall over the edge. 

Morning came much too soon, and Calum sighed, glancing over to you as the sun came streaming in through the curtains and casting you in some sort of ethereal glow.  Maybe if he went to make some breakfast rather than staring at you it could help to clear his head.  It wasn’t often that you decided to stay for breakfast, but he hoped that sharing a warm meal together would encourage him or sway him one way or the other - to talk to you, or maybe feel something more romantic towards you.

Stretching as you came into the kitchen, you smiled at the sight of Calum there flipping pancakes, “Eating for two, are you? Calum, is there something you’re not telling me?” You faked a gasp, laughing lightly.  He swatted at you with the spatula, just barely missing you.

Calum knew you could sense something off with him, just by the way you carried yourself about the kitchen, taking a seat at the island.  Your movements were gentle, calculated, as if one small thing could set him off - not that had ever happened, but you were walking on eggshells and he knew he needed to say something.

The two of you ate in silence for the first few minutes, Calum glancing up at you to make sure that you were enjoying the food alright. 

“Can I ask you something?” Calum had stopped eating, a serious expression on his face, causing you to put your fork down.

“I was going to pull the old ‘you just did’ bit but it doesn’t seem like the time for that,” you chuckled, tucking your chair in so you could lean your chin on your hand. “What’s up?”

“What’s wrong with me?” He asked, worrying his lower lip between his teeth.

You furrowed your brow, slightly confused, “I’m not following.”

“Like… I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I broke up with my last girlfriend because while I felt a connection and we got along great, the… romance just wasn’t there? I’ve gone on dates, and there’s nothing. I thought it was just that I was going on shitty dates, but then I met you - you have all the qualities I could want in a partner, and clearly I’m attracted to you; but I don’t find myself wanting to be involved… romantically?” Calum was playing with his fingers, not meeting your eyes. “I hope that doesn’t hurt you.”

You laughed lightly, reaching across to take his hand in your own to stop the wringing of his hands, “Calum I’m not offended, not in the slightest. What we have going on is good, but I understand if you want to stop that too.”

“I don’t-” He said quickly, laughing as he scratched the back of his head.  “I feel like it sounds like such a stereotypical dude thing to say that I’m cool with continuing to have sex with no emotional attachment.  Not that I don’t feel anything towards you, I just-”

“Calum, I get it,” You grinned.  “I hope you know I wasn’t here looking for love, yeah? Me and you get on great, and the sex is great.  But if I wanted a boyfriend, I would have told you from the start, I promise.” Your reassuring words had Calum letting out a breath he wasn’t aware that he was holding, squeezing your hand that was still in his.

“I just feel like I’m… Cold, I guess? For not wanting more?”

“Love, you’re the least cold person I know.  You’re so genuine and kind, and you have so much love for your friends and family.  You’re so cuddly, always down to hold hands, or just hold someone if they need to be held. It’d be different if you didn’t show you care, but you do in the ways that matter.”

Your answer seemed to be good enough for Calum, because he went back to eating with a small smile on his lips.

It helped to ease Calum’s worry that he was going to lose you because of how he felt, but the lingering question in the back of his head ate away at him of why he felt the way he did; also, why it was just bothering him now.  So, when you left,  he did what any millennial would think to do: he Googled it. 

He wasn’t sure what to search for at first - it wasn’t something like an ache or pain in his body where you could look up ‘shoulder pain’ and find out you only had 4 days to live.  It seemed much more complicated, to put into words how he felt; but he ended up settling on ‘lack of romantic attraction’, and he was shocked to find that it was, indeed, a thing.  Calum had learned within minutes of his Google search that this wasn’t just a ‘one or the other’ kind of thing, but that there was a whole variety of people.  It made his chest warm to read blog posts of people coming to terms with their romantic orientation, seeing how many had struggles similar to his own.  The term ‘Aromantic’ seemed the most fitting to him, and he liked the idea that maybe one day romance could happen, but if it never did he wasn’t weird for wanting the physical only.

**

It was a few after Calum had come to his realization about his orientation overall, and he found himself as he usually did - in his backyard with Ashton, a couple cups of coffee deep while they both scribbled into their songwriting notebooks.  He knew that none of his friends would judge him, they may be a little confused because no one in their group had “different” romantic orientations - they simply assumed they’d end up with a partner one way or another.

Ashton had been in the middle of a thought when Calum interrupted, “Hey Ash?”

Ashton furrowed his brows, eyes lifting from the page to look at his friend, “Yeah?”

“You ever heard of the term ‘aromantic’?”

“I don’t believe so, why?” Ashton placed his pen inside his book, closing it to give Calum his full attention.

“I’ve been kinda struggling a lot lately, doin’ a lot of self reflection and all that,” He started, letting out a heavy breath before he continued, “It seems like a term that really resonates with me.”

Calum couldn’t really read the expression on Ashton’s face, instead being met with the man’s furrowed brow and fingers lightly drumming on the cool metal of the table. 

“What does it mean?” Ashton was now leaning on his elbows, more engaged in the conversation.

“In like… Simpler terms, it mainly just means lack of romantic attraction.” Ashton’s face read a little confused, but Calum carried on anyway, “I’ve learnt in the last few days that there’s a difference in sexual orientation and romantic orientation.  With my last girlfriend, I thought I loved her, but it was more about the sex than anything. I d’know if it really sums me up, but you know my whole friends with benefits scenario.  I thought it would make sense for me to fall in love with them.”

“But you haven’t? Fallen in love with them, I mean.”

“No, which is what led me to this point to begin with.  If I were to make a list of everything I’d want in a partner, they would check all the boxes.  I do care for them, deeply and genuinely, but it’s not in a romantic sense - more of a ‘you’re one of my best friends in the whole world, and sometimes we fuck’.” Calum hadn’t realized how red he had gotten, but it definitely made him fan himself as he let out a small chuckle, “I’m sorry, that was… A lot of information.”

When Ashton broke out into his signature grin, Calum couldn’t help but to mirror it with his own grin, “Well brother, you know I love you and support you no matter what you choose to do.  I told you I’d help you hide a body, but I do hope it never comes to that point.  Just don’t be an asshole and I’m always here for you.”

Calum laughed again, rubbing a hand over his face, “That made me so fucking nervous man.  When I was thinking about it, I was kinda like ‘this sounds so cold’.”

Ashton cut him off from going any further with a scoff, “We all know that’s the last thing you are.” With that, Ashton reopened his book and continued on with a lyric he was talking about previously; and Calum couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face.

Over the next few days, Calum had told his friends individually - being met with open arms and plenty of questions. Of course he didn’t mind, but it was relieving to him to feel like things were going back to normal, and he was starting to feel more like himself again.  He hadn’t gotten to see you since that morning at his house, but he had texted you to tell you about his new findings - your congratulating text in return, saying how you loved him and were proud of him, had him grinning the rest of the day.

The Fourth of July came quicker than any of them had anticipated, and Calum’s group of friends scrambled to come up with some last minute plans.  You had to work during the day, so you would miss the planned barbeque at Michael’s house, but you would be off in time to meet them at the local park to watch the fireworks that Calum had seen a sign for a few days prior.

There was nothing easier for Calum than being around his friends; and while he knew they accepted him and easily accepted his realization about his romantic orientation, he still worried.  Worried that things would be different, or they would feel the need to treat him differently.  But as he sat there, beer in hand, warmth washed over him when he noticed no palpable tension in the air; instead his ears rang with Ashton’s giggle as he laid on the lawn with South and Moose, wrestling with the two dogs.

With everyone thoroughly fed (and a majority tipsy), they all decided to make the small trek to the park, Calum offering to walk with Moose along the way - his secret favourite of Michaels’ dogs, though he’d never say so.

It was long after they had gotten there did you arrive, the sun finally starting to set to hopefully cut through some of the heat from the day. Moose launched herself at you to signal your arrival, which in turn set off South - before you knew it you were on the ground being bathed in puppy kisses.

“Quite the welcome,” You teased, scooping up South into your arms when the pair had finally eased up.

“They know how to roll out a welcome mat, what can we say,” Calum laughed, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek, enveloping you in a warm hug.  The hug was more rigid than you were used to from Calum, and it gave you a weird sense of tension off of him.

Sitting down next to him, you frowned when you noticed his breathing was shallow on top of the weird tension that was coming off of him in waves, “Are you okay?” You never hesitated to be honest with Calum, and you’d hoped that he’d be as honest as he was that morning, especially if something was wrong.

Calum nodded, pursing his lips in thought for a beat before finally speaking, “This is just the first time I’ve seen you since that morning, I just wanted to make sure we were good.  I know I haven’t been the best at keeping up communication lately.”

“You were never much of a talker, love,” Your shoulder nudged his, prompting him to look at you.  “We’re good… Never better, I’d say.”

Calum’s shoulders visibly relaxed, his wide, charming smile reappearing on his lips.

“There’s the squishy man I know and love,” You said, reaching your fingers up to pinch his cheeks.  “You gonna come lay here like they’re doing or what?”

Glancing around, Calum saw everyone paired up one way or another, couples and best friends alike had one person leaning against the other; the last bit of sunlight casting a glow over all of them.  A feeling of calm settled over the crowd, and Calum especially - he had waited to feel like he had purpose, waited to feel wanted.  As he settled against you, you began to play with his hair gently; and he understood that his purpose was just to be who he was - a man who loved his friends and family wholeheartedly, to want what was best for others, rather than want for himself alone.

tag list:  @haikucal​ @talkfastromance4​ @softbabiestan​ @boyfriend-cal​ @calum-uncrowned​ @wildflowerirwin​ @irwindoll​ @gosh-im-short​ @atlcalm​ @thesubtweeter​ @heavenisapeach​ @ridingcthood​ @loveroflrh​ @mantlereid​ @inlovehoodx​ @irwinkitten​ @n-ctarinenga​​ @g-l-pierce​ @thecurlsofgod​

[zevlors-tail]

Stained Glass

Pairing: Villain Deku/Izuku X Hero!Reader

Description: Deku wants the reader to join the LOV, however, he has to convince them to do so first. But honestly, it might not be that hard after the Hell they’ve been through, lately. A year can change a lot in a person.

Warnings: Kidnapping, gaslighting, manipulation, emotionally vulnerable reader, emotional abuse, mentions of stalking, pretty sure this is basically yandere but without the violence? and of course, Villain!Deku, but softish. No physical violence or abuse, just a hell of a lot of brainwashing and manipulation, tiny mention of blood at the end.

A/N: I’m a sucker for Villain Izuku, and I wanted to try a few different emotional tropes out. This is half a vent fic via reader, and I needed a place to put all of my feelings. Sorry not sorry lol. I really feel like this is utter garbage. I got really tired towards the end and I might go back and edit and extend the ending later. I don’t really know if I like it, but I wrote it and it’s here, so if one single person enjoys it other than me then I guess I did my job! :)

“They broke you, didn’t they? They shattered you into tiny bits and pieces like glass, and then they had the audacity to ask why you don’t smile anymore. But, don’t worry,” Izuku cooed, “don’t you worry one bit, doll! I’ll put you back together piece by broken piece, until all the shards make a beautiful picture- just like stained glass! You’ll be my masterpiece.”

His words rang in your brain, echoing off the walls and reverberating through your ears as the weight of the situation at hand started to slowly sink in. Here you were, hands tied behind your back and legs tied to the chair underneath you, unable to move and speak despite the fact that there was no gag in your mouth. Maybe it was the shock that kept you from speaking, or maybe, after all this time, you just felt utterly exhausted and ready to give up. You had been here for god only knows how long (you weren’t sure how much time had passed; it could have been two days or two months for all you knew), and you had no idea where you were or how you’d gotten here. The last thing you could remember was patrolling around your city when a lesser known villain had attacked, and you had put up a valiant fight against them until they hit you with a blast of their quirk and knocked you out. You guessed that it might have been the work of Deku that got you here, but you weren’t entirely sure what all had happened after you blacked out.

“That’s all you want, right? For someone to notice you, to pay attention to you when you’re hurting, to hold you and put you back together when you come undone. I can be that person, doll! I can be the one to save you when you’re drowning in yourself!” He grinned a cheshire cat grin, his emerald eyes sparkling hopefully at you. “I promise you, I’d never let anything or anyone hurt you, ever. The others- they never cared, did they? They let you parade around with that terrible fake smile while you were dying on the inside. Kachann and Uraraka, they let you suffer. Todoroki, too. I watched you all; I watched as you desperately tried to reach out to them, and I watched as they blatantly ignored you. I saw the devastated look on your face when you realized no one truly cared about you. But you were wrong, because- well, I care about you! I’ve always cared about you, Y/N! Even while I was away this past year, you’re all I ever thought about. I couldn’t stop thinking about you...about you with me, and about us, together.”

You didn’t want to believe any of it. Sure, you’d been feeling really lonely lately, and yes, you had tried to reach out to the others, but...they were just busy, right? There’s no way they had intentionally ignored you. Right...? “You’re wrong,” you replied, though it was weak and did little to phase the man in front of you. Izuku still held that delusional glint in his eye, and you felt yourself slowly starting to cave, doubts swimming around in your head while an empty feeling gnawed on your heart and settled in your bones. “They’re my friends. They’ll come looking for me, and they’ll find me. ” Even as you spoke, you realized that it was a lie you were telling yourself to feel better. “They care about me.” You weren’t sure that they knew you were missing at all.

“Do they, though?” He cocked his head in question, an apprehensive look washing over his features as he placed a gloved hand under your chin.

“Of course they do!” You couldn’t deny the anxiety bubbling up in your chest. Suddenly it was hard to think straight, and you scrambled to back up your claim. “They-they’ve been there for me a lot-”

“Like when?” he immediately countered, his grip tightening on your jaw.

You had a hard time answering for a while, but there was still a sliver of hope in you as you hastily came up with something. With all the defiance you had left in you, you mustered up the courage to look him straight in the eye before replying, “They were all there when you disappeared and left me, Izuku.” 

Dead air hung between the two of you for a moment before his hand slowly slid off your face, his thumb lingering on your jaw momentarily. For a second he glared at you cooly, but as soon as you blinked that delusional smile was back, and along with it, a maniacal laugh that tapered off into sounds of frustration. “How many times do we have to go over this, doll? I told you, everything I did, I did for you! Why can’t you understand that!? I joined the League of Villains so that I could become stronger for you, so that I could properly protect you from things even heroes can’t beat. Every little thing I’ve done has always been for you, Y/N! Kachann, Uraraka, and Todoroki...they’re only trying to stand between us. They never accepted us for who we truly are; me, a villain, and you...Y/N, you’re so special. I love you, all of you. Can you say the same for them? Did they really love every broken piece of you? They were only happy when you smiled. They didn’t really want to listen to your pain, did they? They made you feel like a burden, like you were too much for them. So you kept it inside, didn’t you? You carried all that weight around on your shoulders alone. All that disappointment, all that failure, all that hopelessness...”

And he was right. 

Lately, you felt the weight of the world on your shoulders. Not good enough. Failure. Burden. These were things you told yourself on a daily basis. Your ‘friends’ knew you had been a little down and out recently, but it seemed that no one really knew the extent to which the events of this past year had affected you. With each and every passing day, it was getting harder to fake the smiles. As a hero, it was your job to bring hope to people and save them while making sure they still had their faith in the world, but you could barely believe in anything yourself, and you felt like a fraud. How could you have any faith left when the people you loved and trusted the most kept abandoning you? After your boyfriend, Izuku, had gone missing, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You would give your best fake reassuring smile to people all day, and then at home you would fall apart. Wether it was in the bath, the bed, or on the kitchen floor (you had no dining table since you could barely afford essentials at the moment), you would find yourself having break downs and unable to cope with life. You often tried to reach out to your friends, and yet, whenever you dropped hints that something was wrong, whenever you openly tried to talk, it seemed they were too busy and lacked the time, or simply didn’t want to acknowledge you and your problems. You told yourself that this was because they too were coping from the disappearance of their best friend, and that maybe this was their way of dealing with it. But then you started noticing things, like how they would text each other without you while you were all in the same room, and how you suddenly were left out of most events they planned, or how any plans they did make with you were always canceled or had to be rescheduled to another time. Once, Uraraka even left you on read the whole day after failing to meet up for a simple mall trip. You were growing tired of it. 

On top of all of that, your home life was not good either. You constantly felt drained from all the negativity you were drowning in, and it took extra energy just to keep in touch with people outside of your small friend group, if you could even call them that anymore. You barely had the energy to do anything other than sleep and watch TV. You hadn’t heard from your parents in ages either, but that was hardly surprising considering that they had kicked you out of their house last year for “being a lazy bum”. The truth of the matter was that hero work as a sidekick did not pay well, especially if you worked for an unpopular agency such as the one you were currently at, and so your parents had decided to force you out of the house so that you could find a “real job”. Now you were working small part time jobs in your spare time just to make rent. And as if you needed the cherry on top, both of your bosses had been smothering you with extra work and responsibilities for the past few moths. Never in your entire life had you felt so overworked, exhausted, and alone.

When Izuku got no response from you, he frowned deeply and leaned back on the balls of his feet, his arms crossed over his chest and his hip cocked out to the side. His sickly praises clearly weren’t working; you must have still had strings attached from your previous way of life before him, before here and now. Well then, he would just have to cut you down and free you from all those entanglements. Soon you’d join him. He’d make you see. But first...first he had to break what was left of you.

“My poor, poor Y/N. I can only imagine what life must be like for you. You must feel so tired after working those long hours at your second job. And you want so desperately to be a rising hero, yet your boss never seems to notice your effort, does he? But he notices every time you make a mistake, counts them all at the end of the day and degrades you for it. You’ll never be enough for him. You’ll never live up to his expectations, and you’ll never be a pro hero. So why are you still pining for validation? Why are you still trying? You’ll never get it from him.”

You looked up at your captor with wide e/c eyes, tears welling up against your will. Never in your life had you thought the person you trusted the most would say those words to you. You felt a crack form in the depths of your soul as you stared at him forlornly, any trace of hope left in you evaporating by the minute. Seeing the devastated look on your face, Izuku just smirked and continued on, tearing your heart out with every syllable that left his lips.

“Look at you. Those bags under your eyes are hideous, doll. They’ve really been overworking you, haven’t they? When was the last time they gave you a break from anything? The last time you had a day off? I bet all you want right now is to curl up into a nice warm bed and sleep for days, maybe even a whole week. Do you even remember what that’s like? After all, you only have that meager sleeping bag at home. It must be so uncomfortable and stuffy.” He moved to stand behind you, his hands grasping firmly on to your shoulders as he kneaded into them. You let out an involuntary shudder at the pleasant sensation; you couldn’t remember the last time you had been touched before now. “There’s so much tension in your shoulders. How do you even work like this?” Just as you were getting used the feeling of his fingers massaging your neck, he tore away and circled back in front of you. “Aren’t you tired of eating noodles from a cup all day? It’s disgusting, really, and unhealthy for you. You’re barely scraping by on rent, and you must feel so lonely in that tiny apartment of yours with no furniture. How much longer are you going to be able to live like that?” He sighed in mock lament as he carried on. “You’re pathetic, weak, a waste of space to everyone. They don’t want you around.”

A hiccup escaped from you at the insults. “I- Please, sto-” you cried, but he cut you off mid plea.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, Y/N. It’s not your fault that you’re weak, not at all! You never asked for them to hurt you. All of this is just so unfair, isn’t it? You’ve only ever wanted the best for your friends and family, and you were always there for them. Every time your mother called to rant about her new boyfriend of the week, you were there. Every time your father went off the deep end, you were there. Every time one of your friends was in peril, who jumped in to save them from the haphazard situations they put themselves in? You, doll! It was always you! And this-” he flung his arms into the air to emphasize his point, “this is how they repay you!? By leaving you alone in the hands of a villain? By abandoning you in your time of need? They never cared about you. They only cared about appearances, about their hero ratings and their popularity, about how many fans they could take from you so their own numbers would go up. Uraraka said it herself during our years at UA; she’s only in it for the money! They’re greedy, every last one of them! They left you alone, broke you down, abandoned you when all you needed was someone to be there. How lonely it must have been for you to sit there and sob in an empty apartment, to know no one was listening as you begged for things to end as they were. But I was there, doll; I was listening! I’ve been listening this whole time! From the very beginning, I’ve only ever wanted what’s best for you. I never really left you; I’ve always been there, watching over you from the shadows, making sure nothing terrible happened to you. So many times I wanted to whisk you away and wrap my arms around you, doll, but there was never a right time. That’s why I had to wait; it’s why it took me a whole year to finally save you from them. But I’m here now, and I promise, Y/N, I’ll never let you out of my sight again.”

You were full on sobbing now. He had broken you completely, shredded the last of your hope and faith in your friends and family.

“Oh doll, don’t cry! Don’t cry, my love! I’m here!” You watched through tear clouded eyes as he stooped to your level on one knee and gazed lovingly at you, his hand resting under your chin once again. “I know they always made you feel like you were too much for them, but the fact of the matter is that they were never enough for you. They never deserved a fraction of your time, doll. They never loved you. I’m the only one who could ever truly love you. So join my League of Villains, and rule beside me.” 

He spoke with such conviction, as if he knew with absolute certainty that he had you hook, line, and sinker. He watched the gears turn in your head, saw the desperate look in your eyes, and decided to give one final push to ensure you would come to your senses about this.

“Say you’ll join me and be mine, and I’ll make all your problems disappear.” He leaned his face in close to you, his lips barely brushing yours before they lightly dragged across your jaw to your ear. The sensation left little sparks of electricity crackling on your skin as he whispered his promises to you. “You’re barely scraping by now, but I could give you so much more. I could give you a place to stay, a roof over your head with no strings attached. I would gladly share my living space with you for free, Y/N. I’ll even pay you if you that’s what you want, and you won’t have to lift a single finger. How does that sound? You wouldn’t have to worry about rent anymore, which means no more sleepless nights on thirds at the local grocery just to make extra money, either.”

You sniffed and blinked back more tears as you considered the idea of not having to drag yourself out of bed every damn morning and evening just to survive the week, of not having to constantly worry about what your boss was going to say or do to you about the declining quality of your work (of course it was only getting worse because of how utterly exhausted you felt all the time).

“Oh doll, you look so tired and worn out... I could fix that too, if you’d let me. I’ll share my bed with you if you’re ever feeling weary. It’s comfortable and spacious enough for us both, and I promise not to disturb you while you rest. It’ll be better than that thin sleeping bag you’ve been using; trust me, your shoulders will thank you, my dear.” One of his hands ghosted down the back of your neck as if to remind you of his touch earlier.

“...Really?” you quietly asked, and he immediately pulled away from your ear to grin at your response.

“Of course, doll! And, if you’re ever feeling lonely-” He gently embraced you in his warmth, his face nestling in your hair and arms wrapped securely around your smaller frame. “I’ll wrap my arms around you, and I’ll hold you, and I’ll listen to you if that’s what you want. You don’t have to be alone anymore, Y/N. It’s okay now, because I’m here.”

You felt more tears spring to your eyes as a new feeling blossomed in your chest. You weren’t entirely sure what it was, but you didn’t really care, either. All you knew was that you no longer had to suffer through the mess of your life. Even if he was a villain, and even if you were broken, the two of you shared twisted love together, and that was enough for you. You were just happy to have him back, to feel some reprieve from the hell that was your life this past year.

“Please don’t leave me!” you begged, your voice hoarse and eyes red from crying so much. “Please stay...”

“Shhh, it’s alright, doll. I promise I will never leave your side, ever. I’ll always love you. Just say you’re mine. Tell me you’ll join me and I’ll give you everything you’ve ever wanted. I’ll take you out on dates, I’ll love you more than anyone ever could, I’ll feed you and hold you and take care of you! You’ll see! Just say you’re mine!”

“I’m yours! I’ll join you, please just don’t leave me-!” You wanted so desperately to reach your arms up around him and cling to him for dear life. You were so terrified the only person left in your life would leave, and you didn’t think you could handle it if he did. Izuku, sensing your distress, gave a guttural laugh and pulled away from you, leaving you a whimpering, shaking mess still tied to the chair.

“I knew you would say yes! Oh, doll, I promise to take such good, good care of you! I swear it on my life!” He suddenly produced a knife from somewhere in his coat, the metal already stained with blood and rusting around the edges. You felt a surge of fear rush through you as he slunk behind you with the knife raised, but to your relief, you felt him cut through the binds around your sore wrists. “Easy, doll. I’m just giving you your freedom back.” 

As soon as your hands and legs were free, you nearly fell over trying to bolt up from the chair to get to Izuku. You were about to throw yourself on him when he surprised you by picking you up bridal style, and suddenly you were being carried away from it all, away from your troubles, away from all the terrible memories of abandonment and loneliness.

“Izuku? Where are we going?”

“Home, my love. We’re going home.”

[kinetic-elaboration]

Hi! How about #10 and #43 for the writer asks? Looking forward to seeing what you have to say! Happy Almost New Year, and here's hoping 2021 will be VASTLY better than this last trash-year!

Happy New Year to you, too! I’m trying to keep expectations low for 2021, but...yeah, we’ll see!

I started answering this 2 days ago and then clicked some random key and moved to a different page and it all disappeared. Hence, the delay in a real answer. I apologize for that.

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started? 

Hmmm, well, looking at all the WIPs that have been in my writing folder for years, and how I’ve yet to finish a multi-chapter in T100 fandom (not counting glorified one-shots)....I think the real question is, DO I stay motivated?

Honestly, a lot of the fics I finish, and probably all the fics I finish in a reasonable time period, are written for gift exchanges, events, fests, or as requests--so my real motivator is a deadline and/or a sense of obligation.

I do occasionally finish things on my own steam and that’s usually because I set that particular project as my current priority, get really into it, and tell myself I can’t work on anything else until it’s done. That sounds like I’m just forcing myself to play by arbitrary rules, and it kind of is (I like having lists and crossing stuff off the list, even though my creativity never wants to play by those rules)--but really it’s more like clearing away the distraction and allowing myself to focus. Then I WANT to finish, for the finishing’s own sake.

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios? 

You know, I usually say stuff like ‘sharing a bed’ or ‘best friends to lovers’ but those are just tropes I unabashedly like. I’m not guilty about them at all. SO here’s honesty hour instead.

High School AU: I’m way too old for this lol. But I had a very uninteresting high school experience. It wasn’t awful. It wasn’t very interesting. I romanticize that era now, not because I think teenagers don’t have problems or that adolescence isn’t hard, but because the types of problems I had then were so different than the types I have now. Looking at them with perspective is oddly escapist and relaxing. Everything is so much and means so much but then hey I pull back again and I’m an adult and it doesn’t matter. Love that. But again, since my own memories are pretty dull, I look for this in other media: I enjoy watching teen dramas, in particular re-watching teen dramas that aired when I was a kid/teen, and I also like HS AU fanfic.

Young Adult AU: For similar reasons. The period after college was very hard and depressing for me. I love the alternate-universe unrealistic-fantasy of reading about people roughly 22-26 living the impossible dream of having all their friends in the same place and at least halfway knowing what kind of job they want. It’s really fake, says I and everyone I know, but it’s comforting. What my life could have been, if I were a character in a story.

Rough, dirty, grumbly, bad-boys-but-they’re-actually-men, with big hands: Had this revelation when watching TV a couple days ago. Absolutely life-changing. Or, fantasy-life-changing.

The male gaze but I’m bi: If a man is wearing anything other than an oversized sweater or a shirt with the sleeves rolled up, I don’t care what he looks like or how he’s dressed. But a woman?? Describe her beauty to me in precise detail and take your time about it so that I may linger on the image. This is true of both reading and writing--which is why you’ll find random, repetitive descriptions of pretty ladies and their outfits in my work, even though I don’t generally describe character appearances.

Polyships and OT3s: This one’s a guilty pleasure because actually I was in an open relationship IRL and it was, uh, a pretty messed up experience that has definitely altered my brain for life. I’m still all for other people doing what works for them but my PERSONAL feelings on that kind of thing are all kinds of confused. So when it comes up in fic and I can be just simply enthusiastic about it for whatever reason, I always feel guilty that I’m being so uncritical, even as I ALSO realize that simply enjoying positive and possibly unrealistic portrayals of multi-person relationships is part of how I deal more generally with this particular part of my life. (That said, whenever I see posts like “couldn’t we solve this love triangle but making them an OT3″ I want to tear my hair out. Yeah, it’s THAT simple lmao.)

I feel like there are probably more, but I can’t remember!

Fanfic writers ask game!

[today-only-happens-once]

Always

Title: Always

Word Count: 3,651

Summary: Pop-Star!Roman AU. Months after their first meeting during which the two of them dated in secret, Virgil shows up at Roman’s apartment at one in the morning barely able to stay standing. This is unapologetic hurt/comfort romantic Prinxiety for you all. Hints of Logicality. Platonic Analogical and Royality. Companion piece to Acoustic, but can be read separately.  

Warnings: (heavy on all so please heed them, friends) injury, blood, bruising, cursing, concussion, tropes.

Author’s Note: This is super self-indulgent and similar to other things I’ve written but I had fun with it. Sometimes its really nice to just. Write self-indulgent, tropey things. Hope you enjoy it! Also, I’m like, one person away from a huge follower milestone so this is a perhaps premature celebration of that fact. <3 You all are amazing and ily. Thank you for all the support. Seriously. This fic was edited by yours truly so all mistakes are mine.

Tags: @creativenostalgiastuff, @helloisthisusernametaken, @ren-allen, @quoth-the-sparrow, @princelogical, @random-pianist, @ravenclawicecream, @erlenmeyertrash, @milomeepit, @at-least-seven-pretty-potatoes, @rileyfirstname, @pinkeasteregg, @sassy-in-glasses, @vigilantvirgil, @generalfandomfabulousness, @lacrimosathedark, @thepoolofthedead, @monikastec, @heir-of-the-founders, @yourworstnightmare999, @artistictaurean, @kanejandkruge, @cdragontogacotar, @damienswifeolicitydallysgirl, @angst-patton, @savingshae, @noneed4thistbh, @awesomelissawho, @unikornavenger, @bopthesnoz, @spiralofsilencetheory, @finger-gunsss, @crownswriter123, @swlotakulady34

 ...

Roman hears a knock at the door to his apartment at a little past one in the morning.

He groans and kicks off the blanket as he pushes up from the couch and pads across the hardwood and tile. He’d been watching Queer Eye much, much later than he should have been, but what could he say? It was a Friday night. And Remy had put him under figurative house arrest since he had a concert tomorrow night.

He isn’t sure what he’s expecting when he opens the door. It’s not exactly like he had been too loud, so it couldn’t be a neighbor with a noise complaint. He hadn’t ordered food. But he’s the sleepy brand of tired—he’d been probably moments from falling asleep—and doesn’t really think too hard about it as he opens the door.

He’s suddenly wide awake when he sees that it’s Virgil standing—swaying—in his doorway.

“Virgil?” he asks, his brow creasing in concern as he really looks at him.

Virgil looks white as a ghost, trembling so hard he’s vibrating. There’s a cut surrounded by a dark, angry bruise along his left cheekbone that takes up nearly the whole side of his face. Around his right eye, Roman can see that there’s some swelling. His lip is split open, though most of the blood has dried.

Virgil grimaces and doubles over slightly. It’s then that Roman notices he’s got one arm wrapped around his ribs, fisted in his purple shirt underneath his plaid patched hoodie that is torn in a few places. Virgil’s knuckles are split open. Blood leaks out as his grip on his shirt tightens slightly.

He sways, then stumbles. Roman catches him. “Hey,” he says softly as he guides Virgil’s other arm around his shoulders. “Easy. I got ya.”

“Sorry,” Virgil grits out. “Sorry.”

Roman swallows hard and just shakes his head. “It’s okay,” he assures. “C’mon.” He wishes Virgil would lean on him a little more—he can hear the pained catch in Virgil’s breath as Roman helps him into the apartment—but he doesn’t know how to speak past the lump in his throat anymore.

Roman helps Virgil over to the couch in front of the TV. The pop star doesn’t miss the slight whimper that Virgil makes in the back of his throat as Roman gingerly helps him take a seat on the couch. When Virgil tries to cover it with a cough, Roman lets him and pretends his stomach doesn’t twist sharply.

“’m sorry,” Virgil murmurs quietly. It’s then that Roman notices his eyes look hazy and unfocused. “Didn’t know where else to go…”

“Don’t—” Roman tries, but his throat closes up. He coughs slightly in an effort to get it open again. “It’s okay,” he says tightly. “I’m gonna grab the first aid kit. I’ll be right back, Virge, okay? I promise.”

Virgil makes a vague sound of acknowledgement and Roman disappears down the short hallway. He turns into the bathroom, fishing his phone out of his. He pulls up the caller ID and pins his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he digs around for the first aid kit in the cabinet below the sink.

It rings twice before a familiar if groggy voice answers back. “Roman? Might I inquire as to why you are calling me at 1:14 in the morning?”

“Logan,” Roman says, his voice heavy and thick with relief. “Logan, I need your help. I don’t know what to do because Virgil just showed up and he’s not okay and I don’t have any kind of training in this and I know you’re going to school to be a paramedic so maybe you know more about—”

“Roman,” Logan says, sounding abruptly more alert now. “Slow down. What, specifically, is wrong with Virgil?”

“I don’t know,” Roman says and he suddenly realizes that his voice is a little shaky. He takes in a deep breath. “He looks… I dunno, Lo, he looks beat up or something and he was swaying and I think maybe he’s gotten broken ribs or something and maybe a concussion but I don’t know how to check for these things—”

“Breathe. Do you have a first aid kit?”

“I can’t find it,” Roman says, wondering why his voice sounds higher than normal to him. He starts shoving medicine bottles, hair products, and toilet paper out of the way. They spill onto his bathroom floor and he doesn’t care. “Wait,” he says, almost to himself as he spots the small red box shoved into the back of the cabinet. He grabs for it. “I got it. I found it. It’s found.”

“Good,” Logan says, and Roman can’t tell if he’s speaking slowly on purpose or if Roman just feels that way. “Patton and I are on our way. Virgil might need to go to the hospital, but for right now just keep him awake and take care of what you can.”

Roman swallows hard and nods. “Right, right, right. Okay, okay. Yeah, I can… I can do that. I can do that stuff.” He realizes he’s repeating himself a lot but he can’t stop. His thoughts are going a mile a minute. “Logan why…” He scrubs a hand down his face. “If he needs to go to the hospital, why he’d come here?”

The question is met with a moment of silence. “He may be a bit out of it. Depending on the circumstances surrounding his injuries, a sense of safety was probably at the forefront of his mind and, as a result, he went to the closest place that an intrinsic part of him knew could provide that sensation.”

Roman makes his way back down the hall towards the living room. “What?”

A sigh. “To put it more simply, Virgil came to you because he feels safe with you. We’ll be there in twenty minutes.” There’s a pause. “Call me if there’s any change.”

A click. Roman lets the phone fall into his hand and slips it into his back pocket. Virgil looks even paler in the dark under the flickering glow of the TV screen across the room. The dark brown couch beneath him also doesn’t help. His eyes are closed and Roman feels his heartbeat jump to his throat for a moment before he sees him crack his eyes open at Roman’s reappearance.

Roman flashes him a smile. “Never fear,” he announces with a bravado that feels as thin and brittle as Virgil’s answering smile. “I have returned.” He brandishes the first aid kit as he crosses back towards him.

“I think this is where I say ‘you should see the other guy’ or something, right?” Virgil’s voice isa little too tight to sound as casual as he’s clearly trying to.

Roman flicks on the lamp beside the couch to bathe the room in a warmer glow. He switches the TV off as he kneels between Virgil and the coffee table as he sets the first aid kit down. “Only if you want to be a cliché,” Roman replies with more ease than he feels. He pulls out a cleansing wipe from its paper packaging.

“What would be original, then?”

Roman ever-so-gently takes one of Virgil’s hands in his own. He hums in thought. “Never hurts to embellish the story a little. You could claim you fought off a Dragon Witch.”

Virgil leans his head back against the couch cushion. He cocks an eyebrow as he looks down at Roman. “A Dragon Witch? That’s certainly… unexpected.”

Roman’s mouth quirks slightly. “I’m full of surprises.” He presses the cleansing wipe to the tender, angry skin around Virgil’s knuckles. Virgil hisses a breath, but his grip around Roman’s hand tightens instead of jerking away.

“Shit,” he grits out behind clenched teeth.

Roman winces in sympathy, feeling a twinge in his chest. “Sorry. Like I said. Full of surprises?” Roman swallows and pauses. “Ready?” he asks, softer.

Virgil’s death grip on Roman’s hand loosens slightly. He nods. “Yeah. Yeah, go for it.”

Roman gingerly presses the wipe back to Virgil’s hand and sets to work at cleaning the wounds. Roman doesn’t know what to say, but he remembers that Logan told him to keep him awake and Roman knows the easiest way to do that is probably to just keep him talking.

Virgil surprises him by speaking first. “Guess I owe you an explanation, huh?” His voice is breathy and tired.

Roman doesn’t meet his eyes. He reaches instead for some gauze to wrap his hand as he finishes cleaning it. “I’ll have you know, people showing up at my door needing to get patched up at one in the morning is a regular occurrence.”

“Oh,” Virgil says, huffing a breathy laugh. “Good, I’m glad. Knew I came to the right place.”

“Casa de la Roman, open 24 hours,” Roman quips back as he gingerly rests Virgil’s now bandaged hand to the side and turns his attention to the other one. “Free room and board.”

“That’s a terrible business model,” Virgil murmurs quietly. “Imagine if word got out.” Roman smiles faintly. He glances up to see Virgil’s eyes are closed. He nudges Virgil’s leg.

“Wake up, Scooby Doom.” He doesn’t miss the slight way Virgil jerks away from the touch, the faint whimper. Something twists in his stomach.

“Your bedside manner sucks,” Virgil replies before Roman can apologize, but his voice is tight with lingering pain. Roman can feel his throat closing up again suddenly and he busies himself with cleaning and bandaging Virgil’s other hand.

Roman licks his lips as he moves from kneeling to the balls of his feet. He grabs another wipe and a butterfly bandage. Roman takes a seat on the couch beside Virgil and turns to face him.

He’s caught off guard by how close they suddenly are. Virgil is still leaned back into the cushions of the couch, but Roman is very aware that his leg is barely brushing Virgil’s. He isn’t sure why he’s suddenly so aware of how close they are for a moment. It’s not like they haven’t sat beside each other. Virgil, however, doesn’t seem to even notice. He’s pulled the hand that Roman had just bandaged closer to him, flexing his grip with vague interest.

“Thank you for this,” Virgil tells him, turning his dark brown, still slightly hazy eyes onto Roman. Roman flushes slightly for reasons he can’t quite explain.

“Hold still,” Roman tells him in a soft voice instead of replying. He cups Virgil’s jaw gently with one hand and presses the wipe to the cut along his cheekbone with the other. Virgil winces and closes his eyes. Roman whispers an apology, brushing his thumb along his jawline soothingly.

Neither of them says anything as Roman gingerly presses the bandage to the wound. Roman looks at him for a long moment, his hand still against Virgil’s jaw. Virgil’s eyes flit open again, his eyes focusing on Roman for only a moment before they unfocus again. He blinks a few times. There’s something in his eyes that brings Roman up short for a moment. Something soft and vulnerable.

Roman sighs softly as he lets his hand fall. “You might need stitches. And… you might have a concussion.”

Virgil nods a little, then stops suddenly and hisses a breath. “I… yeah. Yeah, okay.” He averts his gaze.

Roman clears his throat. “Logan and Patton are on the way to help, actually.” He tries to grasp the bravado and facade he’d had a moment ago. Before Virgil had looked so small. And scared. “But I… I can keep going. What else hurts?”

Virgil hesitates a moment too long. “I’m fine, Ro.”

“Yeah, and I’m straight.” Roman gives him a pointed look. “C’mon. What else? Ribs?”

“You’ve already done more than enough—”

Roman reaches towards Virgil. “Where is this sudden deflection coming from?”

“Nowhere. You just don’t need to be wasting your entire first aid kit on me.”

“It’s not a waste.” Roman is staring at him.  

“No, really, it’s fine, Roman--” Virgil’s comment is cut off by a sharp yelp as Roman’s hand grazes Virgil’s side. “Fucking shit,” he wheezes.

Roman’s hand jerks back. “Sorry, I’m sorry. Shit.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” Roman snaps, and then immediately regrets it at the flash that passes through Virgil’s eyes. “Please,” he says, softer. “I just… let me help you.”

Virgil holds his gaze for a long moment, then sags a little and nods. Carefully, Roman reaches for the hem of Virgil’s shirt. He waits for another nod before he starts sliding it up. Roman feels his stomach roll at the smattering of yellow, purple, red, and blue that has blossomed across his chest. He thinks some of the bruising looks like shoe prints.

“Jesus, Virge.” Roman’s breath hitches. “What did they do to you?”

Virgil looks away. He doesn’t respond. Roman opens his mouth, a part of him wanting to press the issue. He closes it again, his finger tips just barely ghosting over his torso. Virgil jolts slightly before giving a sharp cry at the evident flash of pain from the sudden movement. Roman freezes for a second as he hears Virgil suck in a quick, shallow breaths.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Roman hushes. “Breathe.”

Virgil screws his eyes shut and shakes his head. “Can’t. Can’t, can’t, can’t—” As if in slow motion, Virgil leans towards Roman until his head is against his chest.

Roman’s heart gives a clenching squeeze. “Oh, sweetheart…” he breathes without thinking. He cards his fingers through Virgil’s hair softly. It’s greasy with sweat and dirt. “I’ve got you. It’s okay. It’s okay.” When Roman tucks part of his face into Virgil’s hair, it smells like copper.

For a moment, neither of them says anything. Roman glances down at Virgil’s partially exposed back and notices the bruising doesn’t seem much better there either. In fact, Roman can see a few places where they broke skin. And he can’t quite tell whether the darker color against Virgil’s pale complexion is dirt or dried blood.

“I’m going to try to clean you up a little, okay?” Roman murmurs softly against Virgil’s hair once his breathing has evened out a bit. It still sounds a little shallow to Roman but its better and that’s something. “I just… don’t want anything to get infected.”

Virgil doesn’t respond, but he reaches up and fists a hand in Roman’s shirt before giving a slight nod. He grabs a wipe from the coffee table, doing his best to limit the amount of shifting Virgil does as a result, and presses a small kiss to the top of Virgil’s head against his chest before he dabs at some of the broken skin with the wipe. Roman feels Virgil’s clenched grip around his shirt tighten even more.

Roman works to clean what of Virgil’s bruises he can as gingerly as he can. Neither of them says anything, but Roman can tell Virgil is still awake from the stifled gasps and hisses he makes as Roman works. The pop star just keeps whispering apologies over and over.

“Logan and Patton should be here soon,” Roman says softly when he’s finished, gingerly lowering Virgil’s shirt back down, mindful of the wounds. “We’ll get you the help you need, okay?”

Virgil hums and doesn’t pull away from Roman’s chest. “’m glad you opened the door,” he says quietly, his voice slightly muffled.

Roman swallows hard. “Yeah?”

“Mhm.” Virgil takes a breath and his lungs shake a little on the inhale. “Jus’. Y’know. You’re… good.”

“Excuse you, but I’d like to think I’m better than just ‘good’.” Roman figures it would sound more teasing if his voice didn’t sound weirdly strained.

“Mhm,” Virgil agrees a little too readily. Roman’s brow furrows with concern. “’s why you were worth it.”

Roman tries to pull back to look at him, frowning in confusion, but Virgil’s grip on his shirt only tightens. “Virge, what do you mean?”

“Those guys,” Virgil explains vaguely.

Roman’s heart is beating a little bit harder and a little bit faster. “What guys?”

“They were strong an’ mad ‘cause I love you, I think,” Virgil tells him.

Roman’s stomach plummets to the floor. Virgil got beat up because of him? Roman pulls back a bit more insistently, catching Virgil’s chin in one of his hands to askingly tilts his head up. Virgil looks up at him. His eyes look unfocused and clouded again, and Roman realizes that Virgil’s moment of clarity earlier seems to have been a relatively fleeting moment of lucidity.

“Virgil, darling—” Roman’s urgency is interrupted by a knock at the door. He swallows the words down and tries to give Virgil a soft smile even though he feels more like throwing up. “It’s open!” he calls out. Virgil winces at the sudden loud noise.

Logan appears in the doorway first, his gaze zeroing in on the two of them on the couch. Patton appears behind him, still in his pajamas. Patton’s warm eyes widen at the sight before him and he pauses just inside the doorway. Logan wastes no time—he doesn’t even look phased—in crossing the distance between the door and the couch.

“Hey, L,” Virgil says quietly, almost sheepishly. Roman is distantly relieved that he at least seems to recognize everyone still.

Logan sets his first aid kit—a larger box than the one Roman has—beside Roman’s and starts digging through it. “Salutations,” he says. “What’s your name?”

“Virgil Shea,” Virgil replies.

“Where are you?”

“Roman’s apartment.”

“What year is it?”

Logan gives a patient look towards Roman as Virgil rattles off answers to his questions. Gradually, Logan guides Virgil to face him and pull his attention away from Roman. Roman takes the pointed look from Logan as cue to stand up and give them a moment of space.

It’s not until he’s standing in the kitchen—Logan’s and Virgil’s voices the only noise floating through the apartment—that he realizes his hands are shaking.

Roman grips the counter and bows his head, taking a deep breath. He scrubs a hand across his mouth as hears someone step up behind him.

“You okay, kiddo?”

“You saw him, Patton,” Roman replies without turning around. “He’s…” His voice catches unsteadily and Roman lets the thought go unfinished.

“I know,” Patton says with a soft understanding. “But I was asking about you.”

“It’s my fault.” Roman hadn’t even met to say it, but the weight of the confession lingers heavy in the air around him.

“Roman—”

“I mean it,” Roman insists. His eyes focus unseeing on the salt and pepper shakers on the gray kitchen counter. “He told me some guys beat him up because he loves me? I mean.” He waves an arm, his eyes burning. “What do I do with that?”

“Roman…”

Roman finally spins around to face him. “We were so careful, Pat. Or we… we tired to be. Ever since that first time we met at your coffee shop, we avoided public eye and the tabloids and the press. So much sneaking around and late night excursions and video chats and… I knew it was risky. Hell, we both did. But I thought, at worst, it’d be risking careers. Not… not that. Not him showing up at my doorstep barely able to stay standing, I mean, Jesus, Patton.”

Patton watches him quietly for a moment, then crosses over towards the cabinet above the sink. He pulls out a glass and fills it with water. “That doesn’t make this your fault.”

“He’s hurt.”

Patton hands him the water. “Drink this.” Roman stares at it for a second before accepting it. “I think you’re missing an important detail, Ro.”

Roman downs half the glass before setting it on the counter behind him. He rakes a hand through his hair to push the bangs out of his eyes. “Yeah? And what’s that?”

“That despite what happened tonight, Virgil came to find you,” Patton reminds him, gentle but firm. His eyes are earnest behind his black glasses frames. “That despite everything you just said, Virgil decided that he felt the most safe with you. That’s not for nothing.”

Roman turns bright, pained eyes onto the coffeeshop owner. “What if his trust is misplaced?”

Patton gives him a soft look. “You know, I don’t think that’s true, kiddo. You know why?”

Silently, Roman shakes his head.

Patton nods his head back to where they can hear Logan and Virgil speaking to one another. “Because when we walked in, you can bet the first thing we both noticed was that Virgil’s hands had been bandaged, as had the cut on his cheek, that you had the first aid kit out and several wipes used. And you were holding onto one another.”

For a long moment, neither of them says anything. “I’m scared for him, Patton,” Roman admits in a whisper.

“So am I,” Patton agrees. “I’m scared for both of you. But you’ll figure it out.”

“How are you so sure?”

Patton opens his mouth to respond, but he’s cut off by Logan appearing in the entryway to the kitchen. “Virgil almost certainly needs to go to the ER. I feel reasonably confident about a concussion, but an official diagnosis would be preferable. I will be driving him, if either of you would like to come as well.”

Roman is already grabbing his jacket off the back of the chair in the kitchen. “Lead the way, doc.”

Logan sighs as he steps back. “Roman, for the last time, I am not a doctor.”

Virgil is standing a few feet away and Roman crosses past Logan, ignoring his clarification, and guiding Virgil’s arm to wrap around his shoulders. “I got ya,” he says to Virgil quietly.

The corner of Virgil’s mouth quirks upwards slightly, and he lets Roman shoulder some of his weight. “You always do.”

[aspoonofsugar]

Hi ! It may seem a strange ask since writing a meta on a game story may be unconventional but I saw that you reblogged gifs of The Last of Us recently so I was wondering how did you feel about the story and its bitter ending? (if it doesn't bother you to answer on that, if it does and you want this to remain on your free hobby time it's absolutely okay of course x))

Hello anon!

No problem, I would actually love to talk about the story of the game since I loved it!

Also, I would like to clarify that I have simply watched a playthrough and I have not directly played the game. What is more, I have watched it only once, so I might have lost some details. Finally, I will quote some TV Tropes’ takes on the characters here and there and I will elaborate on them since I agree with some of them.

When it comes to the ending I really liked the final twist and I think it has meaning on multiple levels.

On the surface the final conflict between Joel and Marlene seems to be a conflict between the greater good and the worth of individual lives. Is it right to kill one girl in order to save humanity? Marlene says it is, while Joel seems to argue that it isn’t. However, even if this is a valid reading, I think that there is more going on especially when it comes to Joel and Ellie’s characters.

First of all it is clear that throughout the game Ellie and Joel grow in each other’s direction. On one hand Joel has to learn how wonderful life can be once again through his relationship with Ellie. On the other hand Ellie has to learn how to survive through Joel. They grow so much in each other’s direction that by the end Joel is the one chatting the most, while Ellie is more silent and immersed in her thoughts. This is an interesting contrast especially because in the beginning it was the other way around and Ellie kept trying to interact with Joel who showed her some degree of coldness.

The contrast between greater good and individuals and the two main characters having inverted arcs are the two basic ideas I will start with. In the next paragraphs I will try to explore them a little bit more and to show that they are true only up to a certain point.

JOEL AND SELFISHNESS: A LACK OF FAITH IN HUMANITY

Let’s consider these two scenes:

Tommy: They got a kid, Joel! Joel: So do we!

The story opens with Joel sacrificing strangers in order to protect himself and his loved ones. Sarah calls him out on this, but he argues that they need to think about themselves. However, immediately later, when Sarah is wounded and he needs help the soldiers kill Sarah without showing any pity.

I think that these scenes are interesting on multiple levels.

On one hand they clearly mirror the ending where once again Joel’s “baby girl”’s survival is put at risk by people acting for the sake of the majority of humanity. As a matter of fact the soldiers are ordered to kill Sarah and Joel to stop the infection from spreading, while the Fireflies want to sacrifice Ellie in order to save humanity from the infection. According to this reading, Joel is literally given a second chance to save his daughter through him saving Ellie. In this case, him brutally killing the Fireflies and even Marlene can be seen as him succeeding where he had failed with Sarah. When Sarah was wounded he begged the soldier for help, but he killed Sarah. Because of this, at the end of the game he refuses to show any glimpse of humanity to Marlene and simply kills her to assure Ellie’s survival.

On the other hand one could argue that there is really not that much difference between Joel’s behaviour towards the people begging him to stop the car at the beginning and the soldiers killing Sarah. After all, in both cases there is a person acting selfishly and refusing to show any kind of compassion or humanity towards another person. Joel abandoning those people and the soldiers shooting civilians are things fueled by the same idea that in order to survive you are justified to kill someone else and to only think about yourself. If that is the case, then Joel’s actions in the end do nothing, but re-affirm this same mentality.

According to this second reading, Joel failed to change in a significant way throughout the game. As a matter of fact he starts the game by acting selfishly and ends it by acting selfishly. He puts himself and his loved ones above others both at the beginning and at the end. When I say Joel has not changed, I don’t mean that his behaviour has stayed the same, but rather that he has not overcome what the game presents as his character flaw.

Joel’s character flaw is his lack of hope in humanity. He doesn’t believe in any kind of greater good being it “humanity” or “destiny”. This is shown by him refusing the idea that things happen for a reason and him talking about luck and chance.

His relationship with Ellie is supposed to change him and it does to an extent. Thanks to Ellie Joel manages to slowly overcome Sarah’s loss and progressively becomes more open about it. He becomes also more sociable and by the end he starts dreaming of living a normal life with Ellie. He dreams of teaching Ellie things like swimming or playing guitar and to have long walks with her. He would like to live in a healthier and more stable environment than the one he is in at the beginning of the story. He wants to stop living as a criminal as much as possible and to find a place within a community. In other words he starts wishing to live again instead of just “surviving”.

In short, towards the end Joel shows clear signs of recovery. However, a recovery means that he is just going back to the person he once was and he is not becoming a better one. I would also like to highlight that, despite Joel’s unfriendly behaviour, he has always been very loyal to his loved ones and he has never completely isolated himself. Let me quote this TV tropes entry:

He’s almost never seen without a companion of some sort (whether it’s Tommy, Tess, or Ellie), and on the rare occasions when he is alone, the game makes sure the player feels his isolation, with the goal always being to reunite with whomever he was separated from.

Even if Joel paints himself as a misantrophe he always keeps a loved one close. Even after Sarah’s death he stayed with Tommy and protected him and when Tommy left he stayed with Tess. What is more, he is ready to do almost anything for a loved one to the point that he decides to bring Ellie to the Fireflies to honour Tess’s last wish.

In short, Joel doesn’t need to exactly become more invested in his relationships with others, but he rather needs to be inspired by these others in order to change himself.

This is also why his mission is about bringing Ellie to the Fireflies. After all, within the game the Fireflies represent an alternative to the military. In a sense, they represent the alternative against the people who killed Sarah. However, they are an alternative Joel refuses to embrace because he is too cynical. This is also something which puts a dent in his relationship with Tommy:

Tommy leaves Joel to pursue some kind of hope, but Joel, instead of being inspired by his little brother, refuses to go with him.

So the Fireflies are symbolically “the greater good” and Joel refuses them because of his cynical nature. However, he becomes more open towards them as the story progresses and when he speaks with Marlene he is even open to the idea of some kind of “destiny”:

He is very close to change his opinion about humanity and to find some kind of hope and meaning. However, the moment he realizes the Fireflies want to kill Ellie he immediately goes back to his old way of thinking.

By the end, Joel is back at using the reasoning that he and Ellie are survivors and as such their violence and selfishness is justified. He gives up on the idea of a better life for humanity and chooses to keep surviving with Ellie.

Once again, this choice can be read in two different ways. As stated above, Joel’s choice can be seen as him failing his character arc. However, it can also be seen as “the proof” that since the beginning there was no alternative. In the end the people who oppose the military are still ready to kill Joel’s daughter in order to save themselves/the majority. This is no different from what the soldiers do in the beginning. Does a humanity which is ultimately made up of selfish people deserve to be reborn? Isn’t it better for just individuals to survive with their loved ones as well as they can?

In summary, Joel and Marlene’s conflict in the end can be seen both as a conflict between individual needs and the needs of the majority, but also as symbolic of how human nature is inherently selfish and of how humans will fight to protect their loved ones/what they believe in and they will sacrifice others to do so.

Finally, I would like to highlight how Joel’s final choice is selfish also when it comes to Ellie:

Here Marlene is being a little bit of a hypocrite because she herself has not asked for Ellie’s permission and Ellie’s will would have not changed her decision. That said, it is true that Joel is acting without considering Ellie’s freedom and agency. Both Marlene and Joel disagree on what should be Ellie’s destiny, but they refuse to ask the girl herself. This is because deep down they do not care about what she wants since their two opposing wishes are too strong. This is poignant when we remember that Marlene and Joel are basically Ellie’s parental figures. They are deep down both using Ellie as a tool and, even if they both love her, they are not respecting her as a person.

When it comes to Joel, I think that it is interesting that this is not the first time he enters a conflict with a person he wants to protect:

It is implied that he protected Tommy aka his little brother, but that, as time passed, Tommy became more and more unhappy with Joel and what he was ready to do in order to ensure their survival. In other words, Joel is so determined to keep his loved ones alive that he does not hesitate go against their will to succeed.

In conclusion, Joel is a person who never loses his ability to establish deep connections with others, but at the same time he remains selfish both in how he treats strangers and in how he treats his loved ones. He would sacrifice the formers and keep the latters alive no matter how they feel about it.

ELLIE AND SURVIVAL: FINDING A MEANING

Ellie’s arc is about learning what “survival” is about. This means that she has to learn not only how to practically survive and to grow tougher as the story goes on, but also the dangers of completely embracing a ruthless mindset where there is only survival.

This is why her major enemy is David. Let’s quote once again TV Tropes:

He’s very similar to Joel, in that he invokes “I Did What I Had to Do” as justification for certain questionable actions, and seems a possible candidate for “surrogate father” with Joel missing (at first, anyway), though he and Joel differ in significant ways. Joel tries to be as detached from others as possible, whereas David took it upon him to lead a community; Joel believes that his survival is in part due to luck, whereas David explicitly states that he does not believe in luck; and the reasons they concern themselves with Ellie are pretty much completely opposite. Also, when Joel first meets Ellie, he’s cold and indifferent towards her, while David is polite and friendly. Joel however is a back-and-forth Jerk with a Heart of Gold while David is said Bitch in Sheep’s Clothing.

David is both a physical obstacle Ellie has to face without Joel’s help and a character who embodies the dangers of embracing specific mindsets Ellie is attracted to.

First of all, there is this:

David believes in destiny and in the fact that everything happens for a reason. Ellie doesn’t share this fatalistic worldview, but at the same time she isn’t as cynical as Joel. I think that Ellie expresses how she feels about destiny and a superior meaning when she talks with Sam:

Sam: Henry says that “They’ve moved on”. That they’re with their families. Like in heaven. Do you think that’s true?

Ellie: I go back and forth. I mean, I’d like to believe it.

Sam: But you don’t.

Ellie: I guess not.

n short, she may not believe in it, but she wants to. She wants to give meaning to the pain and the loss she feels.

David and Joel are two extremes when it comes to “destiny”. Ellie doesn’t want to become neither of them and this is why she must find an equilibrium between their two stances.

Secondly, there is this:

“And so do we.”

David’s arguments are very similar to those Joel himself might make. This is why he can initially counter Ellie’s one about her and Joel having no other choice, but to kill David’s men. This argument is not really Ellie’s, but Joel’s and she is repeating it. She doesn’t really find anything to say to David when he answers her using the same mentality because the point of David’s character is also to show Ellie how this mentality is flawed.

In short, David embodies the limits of Joel’s survivalist approach. David is who Ellie could become if she were to stick to this approach without ever questioning it.

At the same time David is a person who tries to strip Ellie of her own agency:

He repeats over and over that he wants to protect Ellie and to keep her alive. However, in order to do so, he tracks her, kidnaps her and puts her in a cage. He doesn’t really care about Ellie as a person, but he simply wants Ellie to do as he pleases. If Ellie were to accept David’s condition she could avoid being eaten, but Ellie strongly fights against this possibility. Ellie decides that her own freedom and her own dignity as a person is more important than simple survival and puts her life at risk in order to preserve them.

Ellie’s fight against David and her eventually killing him represent two things. Firstly it represents Ellie’s loss of innocence since she is subjected both to the violence of another person and to the violence inside herself. Secondly it represents Ellie’s struggle to keep her own agency and her own freedom as a person. It is complicated because killing David is both something she has to do to protect her own personhood, but also something which traumatizes her. This fight and its bitter conclusion represent the difficulty of finding an equilibrium between the need to survive and the need of keeping one’s humanity. Towards the end Ellie is trying to give her own answer:

“After everything we’ve been through. Everything I’ve done.”

However, Joel robs her of the chance of doing so. All in all this is a very interesting twist which gives Joel’s foiling with David a darker nuance and at the same time puts an even more selfish light on Joel’s final actions. Ellie’s arc is about finding and protecting her own agency and Joel’s role should be to guide her. He does so for a while and this is shown through various things. For example, he gives her a gun after some initial resistance and accepts Ellie’s help on multiple occasions. It is also because of this that the trust and the bond between them gets stronger. However, at the very end when Ellie should be given the chance to make her final choice, i.e. the choice which would put some light on how Ellie wants to live and who she wants to become, Joel (and Marlene) steps in and prevents her from doing so.

I hope my thoughts on the ending and on Joel and Ellie’s arcs are clear enough. There would be many other things to discuss. For example, each minor character the two meet (like Bill, Henry and Sam) foils them in some capacity and explores a specific minor theme. That said, I think that when it comes specifically to the final twist this is enough. All in all The Last of Us is a story about love in an apocalyptic world and how this feeling would still survive in such a world. At the same time, it is clearly shown that love has both positive and negative aspects and can bring out both the best and the worst in people.

Thank you for the ask and enjoy the holidays if you celebrate!

[marshmallow-phd]

Innocent Intentions

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Supernatural, Wolf Au

Pairing: Tao x Reader

Summary: There was one thing you couldn’t stand in all your years at college: playboys. And the campus was riddled with them. So when Tao - a player with a particularly well-known reputation - inserts himself into your life, you come up with a plan to get rid of him, whether he makes your heart race or not. But the more he’s the around, the more you just might find there’s a hidden layer underneath all the rumors, including a secret you never could have guessed….

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11 I 12 I 13 I 14 I Final

**

Had you ever been this sick in your life?

You were pretty sure that the answer was an astounding no. Sweat beaded on your forehead although you were shivering and couldn’t seem to get warm no matter how many blankets you piled on. At the same time, all you could stand to wear was an oversized sweatshirt and a pair of comfortable shorts. Anything else just felt like too much weight on your body.  

Your stomach seemed to be on a four hour rotation, letting itself fill up with bile before deciding to empty it all out. The worst part was that after you’d finished throwing up, your body suddenly realized you hadn’t given it any sustenance since yesterday’s dinner. Your stomach growled at you and you growled back at it in a pathetic attempt to show some dominance. You knew if you actually tried to eat something, you’d just be seeing it again soon. Besides, you didn’t have the stamina to walk to the kitchen and stand there while trying to decide what would do the least amount of damage.

For the good part of the morning, you simply lied on the couch, unable to go to sleep but lacking the energy to do anything else. At one point, you did remember to call Mrs. Choi and tell her that is was best for you not to come in today. The last thing the shelter needed was for you to spread this bug around and have all those poor kids running to their shared bathrooms to throw up. Taking care of a couple sick kids was hard enough when the yearly cold made its way around. A whole classroom’s worth would just be chaos. Mrs. Choi was more than understanding and you promised to take an extra shift next week to make it up.

Sometime around noon, you were lying on the couch, watching an old rom com on the TV. It was the same old classic trope: playboy finds the only girl not attracted to his games and falls for her in pursuit of winning her over for the sake of his pride. You snorted to yourself. “Yeah, right.” Like that would ever happen in real life. Jerks were Jerks, frogs were frogs. End of story.

Then you shot up from your lying position. Shit! You were supposed to have another tutoring session with Tao today. A smile crept on your lips and a somewhat evil laugh escaped your throat. Looks like you were able to dodge him after all.

Lying back down on the couch, you settled in even deeper into the blankets, enjoying the silver lining. Then the guilt set in. You should probably at least Jae know that you were sick so Tao wasn’t just sitting there waiting for you. Even if that would be entertaining to imagine.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jae,” you croaked out. Your throat was sore from all the acid that had been passing through it. Maybe you should grab a glass of water after this. Ugh. That meant moving.

“Whoa, you sound terrible.”

Way to point out the obvious. “Yeah, I’ve got the flu or something. So, tell Tao we’ll have to reschedule.”

“Sure!” There was a little more happiness in Jae’s voice than you really thought was appropriate for this conversation. “Feel better, (y/n). And let me know if you need anything.”

“Sure thing.” You hung up before he offered to bring you soup or something else equally obnoxious. Being babied whether you were sick or not was not an action you took graciously. You were a grownup who could take care of themselves.

A little while later, just as you finally beginning to drift off for a nap, there was a knock on the front door. Groaning, you buried yourself deeper into your blankets, hoping the intruder would just go away. But they didn’t.

Louder and louder they banged, determined to be answered. With a roar of your own and newly fueled by annoyance, you threw the protective cover off of yourself and marched up to the door, swinging it open. “What!”

“Well, hello there.”

Your eyes widened. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Tao smirked. “I came for my tutoring session.”

“I’m sick, you idiot. Jae was supposed to tell you.”

“Oh, he did,” Tao nodded. “But you seem to be fine to me.”

“Are you serious?” you croaked out. You were sweating more than a runner just crossing the marathon finishing line. You were sure that your face was a few shades lighter than normal and you sounded like a fifty year smoker. “I’m pretty sure anyone could take a look at me and know that I’m dying.”

The smirk faded from Tao’s face and his eyebrows knitted together. “Are you running a fever? Is it just a cold or could it be something worse?”

“Why do you ev-”

Just then that all-too familiar churning feeling began to bubble in your stomach. In a flash, you turned on your heels and sprinted for the first floor bathroom, not caring in the slightest that you’d left the front door open for Tao to walk right on in. You barely made it in time to empty out your stomach into the toilet. A coughing fit followed, making the burn in your throat even worse.

“Hey, hey, hey it’s okay,” Tao hushed gently as he crouched down beside you. A heavy hand rubbed up and down your back and you hated how nice that felt.

“Go away,” you grumbled as you wiped away the tears that were stinging your eyes.

“I’m not leaving you like this,” Tao declared defiantly. He stood back, staring down at you with a look that dared you to argue. “I’ll go get you a glass of water. Don’t move.” He was gone from the bathroom before you could open your mouth to protest.

After sitting there in silence for a minute or so just listening to the open and close of cabinet doors and finally the clinking of glass and the sound of running water, Tao came back with a tall cup of water.

“I seriously could have done that myself,” you snapped.

“And yet, I see no glass anywhere in sight.”

Damn it.

Before you could even think of a good comeback, round two started. The sound of the bile hitting the water mixed with your own gagging once nothing else was coming up was just making it worse. This wasn’t a state you wanted to be seen in by anyone, but somehow with Tao here, it was a hundred times worse. You just wanted him to go away and leave you alone. You preferred to stay here in misery without an audience.

“I think that’s the universe telling you to stop arguing with me,” Tao chuckled. Crouching down once again, he held the water out for you. “Just swish the first gulp around and spit it out. Then take a sip to swallow.”

You swiped the glass from his hand, not caring if some spilled on the linoleum floor. “I know what to do.” But when you took that first swig, you could only swish it around your mouth for a few seconds before spitting it out into the toilet. “Ugh. Why is it so warm?”

Tao rolled his eyes. “It’s room temperature. And it’s better for your stomach than ice water. Now, take a few sips. It’ll help sooth your throat.” He placed his fingers on the bottom half the glass, pushing it up to your lips before tilting it back.

Once you’d taken three small gulps, you lowered the glass and wiped your lips clean. Neither of you spoke or even moved. This side of Tao was weirding you out. There was absolutely no hint of his usual flirtation in any of his actions. His eyes reflected pure, genuine concern for your health. Why would he be so concerned for you? He didn’t know you and you doubted the two of you bonded that quickly over a few hours of homework. And you knew nothing about him beyond what Wyatt and Kendall had told you. The two of you weren’t even really friends-

“Wait a second,” you narrowed your eyes at him, all thoughts of gratitude gone. “How the hell did you know where I lived?”

A small dose of the smug attitude was back. “Jace in the front office owed me a favor. It was pretty easy for him to look up your home address.”

You gaped at him. No matter that the idea had once crossed your own mind to track down the boy across from you after he was late for Wednesday’s session. But the difference was that you never did. And you were planning on looking for his class schedule, not his home address. “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.”

Tao shrugged. “Go ahead and report me.”

“I will.”

“Okay.”

You tried to remain bold, but eventually you just deflated. It wasn’t worth the fight. Tao searched around the bathroom aimlessly with his eyes.

“So, you live with your parents?” he asked nonchalantly.

“Yeah,” you replied defensively. “It’s easier to save money than living in the dorms. You got a problem with that?”

He raised an eyebrow, seemingly confused at your attitude. “No. I live with my family, too. I was just making conversation. You don’t have to be so hostile towards me.”

“You came to my house and are now acting all concerned,” you pointed out. “Sorry if that kind of reads straight out of the playboy’s hand book.”

“Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to judge someone based on what you hear?”

Well, damn. He had you there.

But it didn’t help that his personality came off the same as the forerunning rumors in that initial meeting. Right now, though, you were definitely getting another side to the playboy and it was messing with your head. Or maybe it was the illness making you susceptible to whatever angle he was playing now.

But he seemed so genuine in his worry for you and it was making you doubt your own assumption. His closeness right now was creating a fog in your mind. Were you starting to see him more clearly or were you just seeing another character he was putting on?

“Come on,” Tao whispered. “You should lie down.” His arms started sliding behind your back and under your knees.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” You put your hands on his chest, stopping him while trying to ignore the warmth radiating from him under his plain white t-shirt. “What are you doing?”

Tao looked stunned. “I was going to take you to the couch.”

You frowned at him. “I can walk still.”

He threw his hands up and backed off. “Sorry.”

With what little strength you had, you pushed yourself off the floor. Your knees wobbled and you became light headed from the sudden elevation, swaying back and forth before catching the rim the of the counter.

“Still not going to let me carry you?” Tao growled.

You threw him a look. “I’m fine.”

Rolling his eyes, he wrapped an arm around your waist and supported most of your weight as you shuffled towards the living room. He let you sit down on the couch by yourself before heading towards the kitchen.

“Where are you going?” you called out after him.

“You need to eat something!” he yelled back.

You jetted out your jaw, irritated. “I can’t keep anything down!” A little quieter, you added, “ Like you weren’t here to see that fact.”

“I did see it! That’s why I’m making you broth!” Tao shouted.

Whirling around on the couch, you stared towards the kitchen with your jaw hanging open. How was he able to hear that? And he was making you broth? At this point, you wanted him to leave so you could stop being so confused. When you sat back down in your seat, you found yourself… smiling?

No. No, no, no. You didn’t like being taken care of like this. You really didn’t like that Tao was the one making you like it. What the hell was wrong with you? Just kick him out already. You were sure if you yelled enough, he’d leave, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

You plastered on a frown and crossed your arms to try and make yourself sour and mad at this whole thing. Fake it until you make it, right?

With a large bowl of steaming chicken broth in his hand, Tao came back to the living room, nudging your leg with his foot for you to move over. You complied, putting a sigh and great reluctance behind it. As carefully as he could, Tao put the bowl down on the coffee table before adjusting the blankets and placing one of them around your shoulders. Crossing his legs so he could face you as he sat down, he picked the bowl and held the full spoon out for you to drink.

Narrowing your eyes, you questioned, “Why are you doing this?”

Tao sighed and lowered the broth to his lap. “Can’t I just be nice?”

“We’re not best friends,” you argued. “I wouldn’t even say that we’re friends. And yet, you’re here trying to feed me. I think any logical person would be questioning why.”

“I like you.”

Your immediate reaction was to go straight into a coughing fit.

Tao nodded. “Not the reaction I was hoping for.”

When you were finally able to breathe right again, you blinked at him. “I’m sorry. Rewind for a second. You what now?”

That confident smirk was making a comeback on his lips as he leaned forward. However, this time, it was softer as he kept eye contact with you. “I like you, (y/n). That’s why I’m doing this.”

“Get out.”

Apparently, he wasn’t expecting that answer as leaned back, blinking. “What?”

“I am not a toy for you to play with,” you spat. “I don’t like playboys, so find someone else to mess with.” The way his face twist up, he almost seemed hurt by what you were saying. That didn’t stop you from marching on, though. “I’m not going to listen to anything that’s not genuine, so just stop while you’re ahead.”

“I’m being serious,” he whined. “I’m not playing a game or just trying to see how far I can get. Let me prove it to you. Can I get at least one chance?”

You opened your mouth just to shut it again. The words leaving his mouth sounded sincere, but you weren’t entirely certain. He was so confusing that you couldn’t get a grip on which version of him was real.

Fine. He was saying that he actually liked you, then you’d let him try. But if there was one thing you knew about playboys, it was this: none of them could commit. As soon as things got serious, they ran. So, you’d show him seriousness, you’d show him commitment. And then you’d sit back and watch him run for the hills, proving you right once again.

“Okay,” you agreed. “Fine. Whatever.”

Tao scoffed, looking off to the side as he shook his head. “And here I thought we’d gotten past judging people.”

You gasped. “I do not-”

Tao took the opportunity to shove the soup filled spoon in your mouth. And it was good, making you momentarily forget about the argument you had lined up for him. It wasn’t just plain chicken broth in that bowl. There was something else in it that gave it an extra flavor.

“What did you put in there?” you asked in awe.

“You’ll just have to eat more and see if you can find out,” he teased. You rolled your eyes, but opened your mouth for more. It was completely out of character for you to allow someone else to feed you, bit if Tao was going to be extreme, then so were you. This was going to be a two player game all the way.

“Okay, I think that’s enough for now,” Tao declared after a few more spoonfuls. “If you can keep that down, then I’ll warm it back up for you.”

Your only answer was a yawn as you stretched. You were exhausted and in desperate need for sleep while your body fought off the virus. For the first time all day, you felt like you could actually take a nap. Leaning back into the couch after shifting in his seat, Tao wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his chest.

“Isn’t this too much?” you mumbled. There was no fight in your body, though, and your voice didn’t give much of an argument either.

“Get some rest,” he whispered.

This was wrong. This was one hundred percent wrong, but your eyes were already closed and your breathing was regulating as your mind gave in to the rest. Tao’s chest shouldn’t be this comfortable. You shouldn’t be feeling so content with his warmth around you. And yet, you easily drifted off, forgetting all the complications and just accepting the current situation. You’d deal with whatever consequences came your way later.

**

Tao took full advantage of the situation, staring down at you in awe. You looked so content curled up in his side, exactly where you belonged.

He couldn’t believe his luck in convincing you that he truly did have feelings for you. And they were growing each time he saw you. How could someone so defiant and argumentative be so cute? If having you give in to him and let him take care of you took a fight every time, he’d gladly fight with you every day. How could he have ever hated the very idea of this?

When Tao had first headed this way, he doubted that you were even going to be home. He really thought you were just dodging him. Then you opened the door looking like death and his protective instincts took over. But there you went again, doubting his intentions. Who knew he’d ever regret the way he lived his life up until now?

He was going to have to work twice as hard because of that just to prove to you that the two of you were meant to be, that you were his mate and that everything he was feeling towards you was true. You still looked at him with a seemingly impenetrable wall of distrust. It was going to take time and patience to remove each brick. While Tao had plenty of the former, he was still learning the meaning of the latter.

An itching feeling began to tingle in the tips of his fingers. At this angle, he could only see a portion of your face since most of it was buried in his chest (a fact that was making the wolf in his chest purr in absolute ecstasy). Your skin looked so soft from this closeness. Did it feel like the velvet it was impersonating? Tao had never wanted to run his fingers across a cheek so much in his life. Whenever he did it to the other girls, it was out of strategy. It drove every single one of them crazy. This was the first time the urge came with no ulterior motive.

Full of bravery, Tao lifted his free hand that wasn’t keeping you secure to his side and reached out. Just before his fingertips could brush up against your cheek, however, he heard car tires pulling into the driveway. Conflict arose as he wanted to stay, but right now was not the best way to meet your parents or explain this current predicament or why you were fast asleep on him.

As carefully as possible, he unglued you from him - earning a whine from both you and his wolf - and tucked you in comfortably on the couch before sneaking out the back door. He waited on the side of the house for your mother go inside before sprinting to his car that he’d parked a few houses down the street.

His heart was pounding in his chest as an exhilarating feeling  pumped through his veins. The adrenaline rush that resulted from sneaking out of your house without being caught couldn’t be explained, but he kind of wanted to do it again. And you’d told him to prove just how much he cared for you, so you could bet he’d be doing a lot more sneaking around here in the near future.

[youknowmymethods]

Content Creator Interview #5

Welcome back again folks! This week in our fifth interview @vermofftiss chats to @mizjoely about her love of lists, her fantasy season five finale, and reveals the truth about who really writes her stories...

Hi, @mizjoely here, chatting with @vermofftiss about my sherlolly writing and fandom experiences, and answering some questions submitted by a few other folks. I’ve been involved in fandom in one way or another since the early 1980s, which is also when I started writing fanfiction - for classic Doctor Who and Star Trek in its various incarnations.

@vermofftiss here, putting forward the aforementioned questions. I’ll also be trying to weasel some advice out of @mizjoely that I can use for my own writing, which has been a casual ongoing thing since I published my first sherlolly fic in 2014.

Vermofftiss: I think our first encounter was in the Sherlollychat in the fall of 2014, around the time I got onto AO3. Which means series 3 was five years ago. How does it feel knowing that series 4 was already two years ago? What’s changed in the time since it aired?

Mizjoely: Oh, I miss the sherlollychat, or at least I did until Channy came up with the discord version! It’s hard to fathom that so much time has passed since I joined the fandom! (I became active on tumblr in November 2013 after discovering Sherlolly earlier that same year, btw.) Series 3 was five years ago. Series 4 was two years ago. Crazy!

As for what’s changed since then, I’d have to say one positive thing is that the fandom wank has calmed way the hell down since S4…. Another change that I’ve seen is probably common to all fandoms over time - new writers and content creators have joined the fandom while (sadly) many others have moved on to other fandoms. Of course, that’s to be expected when your show is essentially over, but it’s still kind of sad to lose folks completely to other fandoms.

V: Which series was your favourite to play with as a writer? When did you really get into writing Sherlolly?

M: I would have to say Series 4 has definitely been a great series to write for - so much angst! The I love you! Mary Watson’s very sad death, Rosie Watson becoming a character, Mrs. Hudson showing us what a badass she is, and of course Eurus Holmes entering the picture. We might not have gotten as much Molly Hooper as we wanted, but the scenes we did get with her were tremendous and gave so much inspiration to me and many other writers.

I really got into Sherlolly as a ship after seeing TRF, as I’m sure is true with many folks - especially the “what do you need” scene. And it was so much fun to dive into the possibilities of life after Sherlock’s ‘death’ between Series 2 and 3, I consider that a real golden age of Sherlolly writing. My first published Sherlock/Sherlolly fic was “Conversations With A Dead Detective”, set Post Reichenbach, which according to fanfiction.net I published on 04/11/13 (so I’m nearly at my five year Sherlolly- versary, woo hoo!).

A quick look at my spreadsheet (don’t judge me, I love my lists) shows that I wrote or at least started 37 fics that year (one of which I’m still working on, yikes! - The World As We Know It, a vamp!lock fic). I’m currently sitting at almost 500 fics for Sherlolly, which still amazes me, that I could be that inspired by a pair of fictional characters! (For comparison, my second most prolific fandom is Doctor Who, for whom I wrote a total of 25 stories over a period of 20 years. And of those 25, only about a dozen were for my main ship, Five/Tegan).

V: A couple of questions from @ohaine - 

1) Based on the sheer volume of your work, I have this theory that you’re actually some sort of artistic collective rather than just one person, please tell me I’m right!

M: You have discovered my secret: I'm actually four raccoons in a trenchcoat! Seriously though, until I was bitten by the Sherlolly bug, my output was much, much lower, even though I've been writing fanfics since the early 1980s. For example, I love the Zutara ship for Avatar: Last Airbender, but I only wrote three fics for that. I wrote about 25 fics for Doctor Who, and about the same amount for the various Star Treks (not including Khanolly). Nothing set my writing muse afire like Sherlolly, and I doubt anything ever will again.

and, 2) You write a lot of AUs, and I’m wondering what inspires them?

M: Considering that I started off as a strictly Canon Universe/Canon Compliant writer in all of my other fandoms, it still seems funny to me how much I enjoy writing and reading AUs now. I started reading them after finally running out of canon compliant fics to read and discovering how much fun it was to transplant the characters into a different universe. And that, of course, made me think about what sort of AUs I could fit Molly and Sherlock into.

In fact, the very first BBC Sherlock story I started to write (never finished or posted) was an AU because I was nervous about trying to write Sherlock and figured no one would complain too much about him being OOC if it was a fantasy setting. (I ended up taking the plunge on a canon universe post Reichenbach fic and posted that and a lot of other canon universe fics before returning to AUs.)

Wait, that doesn't answer the question! What inspires them? The same things that inspire all my writing: wanting to read a specific kind of fic and not being able to find it; fics that other authors have written that make me itch to put my own spin on the idea; dreams; books I've read or movies or TV shows I've watched...inspiration is everywhere when you really, really, really love a ship. (Gawd that's cheesy but it's true - no love, no writing fanfic, period end of paragraph.)

V: This past spring I finally got the nerve to start working on my first proper AU (not CC, CU, or UA) after sitting on the idea for about 3 years. Have you ever had to wait to be “ready” to start working on a concept? How much do you need to know about a project to get going on it?

M: I have absolutely had to wait to be ready to start working on a concept. My very first attempt at a Sherlolly fic (never finished or published) was going to be an AU because I was so intimidated by the idea of writing Sherlock Holmes in the canon universe set up by Moffat & Gatiss. I was terrified I wouldn’t get his voice right, that he would be too OOC for folks, that I wouldn’t be able to make him clever enough or that I’d mess things up a dozen different ways. So I started writing the AU instead, and in doing so (over a course of several months), I finally realized that no, I wanted to start off in the canon universe. Just trying to write him at all, in any setting, made me a little less intimidated by him. But I might never have written anything if I hadn’t started that abandoned AU. (And I look forward to seeing your AU when you’re ready to post it!)

V: Does reader feedback ever impact the plots of your stories or the building of your AUs?

M: It absolutely can, especially when someone leaves a comment that makes me think about my story in a different light. I won’t go so far as to say comments have caused me to redo anything on a larger scale (such as change the ending) but certainly I’ve thrown things into the fic or expanded on ideas expressed in a comment to make the story that much richer.

That’s one of the best things about being active in fandom - the interactions between readers and writers. Of course, the reverse can also be true - I remember needing a LOT of fan-friend coddling when some folks were unhappy with the ending of my story ‘Abandoned’ (i.e., my Molly let my Sherlock get off too easily). But you have to have thick skin to be a creator, and remember that not everyone likes the same things. And you also have to be able to say yes, I could have done this better, or if I had to do it over I’d do it differently. It’s all part of the creative process.

V: Are there any scenes or aspects that were cut from a story that you regretted leaving out at the end?

M: Not really. Most things that I cut have been vetted by my betas (shout-out to ALL betas for being willing to help you make your story better!) and jettisoning those things has always made my stories better. (Plus I keep a folder of scraps that got cut and periodically review those scraps to see if I might be able to salvage them.)

V: On top of being one of the better-known Sherlolly writers in the tag, you’re also the single person behind the Sherlollbrary. As much as I love to organize my life and everything else I can get my hands on, that’s not something I think I’d ever actually want to do. So what made you decide to start cataloguing Sherlolly fics?

M: My love of lists. Seriously, that’s it. I love making lists of things - like, how many stories did I write in 2013 for Sherlolly (37, as you now know!), how many one-shots have I written vs. multi-chapters, how many were prompts...and then I started seeing people doing lists of various tropes. The one that made me decided to start my Sherlollilists side blog was one put together for Sherlolly omegaverse stories. As more and more lists were created, edited, and added (I’m currently at 140 official lists, with more than a dozen unofficial lists), I decided it would nice to organize them all (not realizing quite what I was getting into!) as one spreadsheet, with other tropes and tags and keywords for folks to help narrow down their searches. It always give me a little thrill when I open the library and see folks are browsing, so I like to think it’s a useful tool (although I am looking forward to finishing it someday!)

@writingwife-83 asked: You work tirelessly to organize all the multitude of writing this ship produces, but how do you feel that affects you as a writer? Does it make you less interested in writing your own fics? Or does it tend to help get the wheels turning and inspire you?

M: I have to admit, sometimes curating the lists can completely put me off writing, simply due to feeling oversaturated. This is especially true when I am reading or skimming over fics that are, shall we say, not the best of the bunch. Or the times when I'm just pushing myself even if I'm not really enthusiastic about doing it. Those times, I've learned to just step back, which is why sometimes the lists don't get updated very quickly.

On the other hand, rereading a favorite or a forgotten gem can really get my creative juices flowing. At times like that, I fall back in love with the ship and the fandom all over again.

V: When you’re stuck with writer’s block or just a lack of motivation, does it help you more to reread an old fave or to go back through some of your own works? Have you noticed your style has changed much?

M: It does help, absolutely. It reminds me why I love this ship so much, and helps me reconnect with others in the fandom. People think of reading as passive and writing as solitary, but to me it’s an interactive process. Reading great fics, new can old, helps feed your creativity. And nowadays the internet helps so much as well - there are awesome resources and fandom spaces to talk to other folks about their works and your own, reminding you that you’re not creating in a vacuum. (And I REALLY love the cheerleading section of the Sherlolly Discord site. That can help unstick my creativity like nobody’s business!)

As for my style changing - yeah, it definitely has. I feel like my writing has become more streamlined and less clunky since I first started. I still do a lot of semicolon abuse but at this point I’ve decided that’s just my style and will likely never change.

Thanks for the excellent questions and for letting me ramble on!

V: I’m sure we can do a lot more rambling if left on the trail. How about one last one: In the currently hypothetical series 5, how would you continue the story from where it left off?

M: Oooh, good one! If I was in charge we would see that Sherlock and Molly are continuing their relationship, culminating with a wedding at the end of the third episode. But since I’m not in charge, I’m thinking that Mofftiss would give us some subtle hints, like John casually mentioning to Sherlock that he and Rosie can’t join ‘them’ for dinner that night for whatever reason. And maybe some small changes to 221B to show hints that someone else spends time there other than Sherlock and the Watsons - a cherry patterned pillow, perhaps? A Bart’s ID card with a woman’s picture to show that no, it isn’t one Sherlock nicked to get access to a place he otherwise couldn’t get to? A woman’s coat hanging next to Sherlock’s? Something like that. And some private smiles between Sherlock and Molly, little things like that. Enough to give us hope but not enough to give us proof! They do like to tease that way!

Non-shipwise, I think Eurus would make a return because come on, how do you leave a character like that catatonic? I also think they would return to ACD canon to revise a few more cases for the modern age, and maybe (maybe!) have John start dating again (especially if they’re so married to canon that they killed Mary off - since John seems to have been married at least twice, they would probably explore that option).

I know, that last part is a bit vague but honestly? I hope they surprise the hell out of us in a good way if we ever get that fifth series!

Next Week, Friday March 22nd, @ashockinglackofsatin talks to @sunken-standard

[tlbodine]

Every Single Last Thought I Have About Game of Thrones

My rambling obsession with Game of Thrones has cost me at least a dozen followers so far, and I promise it’s nearing an end now that the show is finished and the fervor is dying down. But I do have some Final Thoughts(tm), and I thought I would assemble them all here as best I can. In the interests of saving you all from a million future Game of Thrones posts, I will endeavor to put Every Single Thought I Have into one monstrously long GoT masterpost. You’re welcome, I guess? 

Rambles under a spoiler tag, as much for actual spoilers as for, uh, rambling. Buckle in. This post is a monster. 

In a contentiously-named Vice article called “Game of Thrones Was Doomed From the Start,” Peter Slattery makes a point that maybe we all needed to hear: Whatever our problems with the Game of Thrones TV show, they’re not wholly endemic to the show itself. The article is worth a read, but the tl;dr is this: GRRM created an astonishingly complex world with his book series, and the story has spun out to ever greater complexity as it approaches its supposed end. 

Anyone looking for a way to wrap it all up is going to have a tough time. Just ask GRRM himself, whose inability to finish the series in a timely fashion has basically become a meme at this point. 

Now, of course, D&D did not need to try to end the story in 6 episodes. They could easily have kept the series going on forever and HBO would have allowed it, because GoT is pretty much single-handedly keeping the network’s lights on at this point. Why the showrunners chose to turn down that opportunity is a matter of speculation. 

What I will say is this: There had always been an expectation that the show would be seven seasons. The internet has a short memory about these things, but back when this all started, the intent was clear enough: There would be 7 books in the series, and 7 episodes in the show, one for each book. At the time, four of GRRM’s books were out, with the fifth being released during this time period, and there had been an expectation (even then, a bit over-optimistic) that the books would finish before their respective seasons, or maybe just trail it by a year or so. 

The anticipation, in other words, was that A Song of Ice and Fire would roughly follow the trajectory of the Harry Potter films in their relationship with the books. 

That’s not what happened, obviously. 

But I do remember there being some grumblings of unease when we audience-folk started to realize the show might not wrap up tidily in those 7 planned seasons. And I definitely remember some grumbling about how Season 8 would take more than a year to come out (surely you all remember that impatience!) 

And facing that -- a restless audience, source material that stayed stubbornly unwritten, the increasingly complex logistics of an enormous cast including young actors who were picking up other roles -- I can understand the impulse to speed it along. If your options in finishing a story are to rush it a bit to force the plot points out, or else risk being caught plodding forward indefinitely...I can see the appeal of rushing. I won’t say it was the right creative choice, but it’s one I can understand and one I don’t think is indefensible. I’m not in love with what happened, but I can think of far worse ways for the show to have gone. 

Here’s more analysis on that which you may find interesting: https://www.theverge.com/2019/5/21/18633029/game-of-thrones-got-ending-season-8-george-rr-martin-apology

Scope Creep & Themes that Get Away From You 

So why is the ASOIAF universe so gosh-darn complex, and why are these books so hard to finish, and why is the show’s ending so hard to stick? 

It’s not just because GRRM is pantsing his way through the story (excuse me, tending his garden) but because ASOIAF is not actually a story so much as it’s a history. Part of what makes this world so compelling is that it is indeed its own world. And not just in the Tolkien sense of multiple cultures and complex histories and languages fleshing out the world. What’s made GRRM’s work the most interesting and compelling from the beginning is that it promises even more than that: Here is a richly textured world of geopolitical intrigue, populated by real people; each and every character has their own fears and hopes and aspirations and petty squabbles. 

ASOIAF tells a story about normal people and the way they get caught in the machinations of war, and it doesn’t take any shortcuts. And I think we need to take a moment here to appreciate how unique that actually is as a concept. 

In Lord of the Rings, we receive a richly detailed world with its own history and culture and grand war, but the war is also limited by the parameters of the story: It can all be ended if Frodo destroys the ring. 

GRRM did not give himself such a straightforward McGuffin for ending his story. 

And that, indeed, is part of the appeal of the ASOIAF series. A big part of what makes it all so compelling is that it’s a deconstruction of the fantasy genre and, really, a deconstruction of epics in general. 

Game of Thrones, the first book in the series, dares to ask: What happens when being the good guy is what gets you killed? 

Maybe GoT has been part of our cultural fabric for so long that this doesn’t seem all that shocking, but let’s just take a moment to appreciate here how utterly wild it is that this story begins by spending hundreds of pages (or many hours of film) with a protagonist, only to lop his head off -- and that, really, the rest of the series isn’t even about avenging that death. Oh, sure, vengeance for Ned Stark colors the motivation of some characters, especially in the beginning...but the story soon spirals way beyond that, because the Starks are just one piece in the epic machines of war. 

So by its very nature, ASOIAF is not just complex in terms of its sheer scope and number of characters and storylines, but also in terms of its themes. It’s a story that raises a number of difficult questions about the nature of good and evil, of the influence of power, the personal vs the political, and so forth. 

These are difficult questions, the type of questions at the very core of the human experience, questions that we’ve been grappling with for thousands of years, and GoT’s deconstructive nature means that it can’t take shortcuts to answering them. The answers simply cannot be as satisfying as “good triumphs over evil” or “evil wins” because the very nature of ASOIAF is complexity and the rejection of such simple platitudes. 

From that angle, I think the show did a brilliant job of wrapping things up. The plot had its share of inconsistencies (although not as many as people argue, more on that in a minute) but I think it stayed true to the spirit of what Game of Thrones had always been about. Season 8 raised some really important questions and touched on some extremely interesting themes, and I personally found it both thought-provoking and powerful. 

But, well, I will confess that my aesthetics have always leaned more toward intricacy, and that I do not have what many would call “good taste” about a great many things. I always prefer for things to be interesting rather than beautiful, and from my perspective, the home stretch of Game of Thrones was exceedingly interesting. 

How Did You Honestly Expect It Was Going To End? 

For all of the belly-aching on social media about the ending of Game of Thrones, I have both a rebuttal and a genuine question: What did you think was going to happen? 

A lot of people seemed to think that something like this would happen: 

(art by https://www.instagram.com/raymondwaskita/?hl=en and no, this isn’t saying the artist believes or endorses any of this, just saying I saw this image on Facebook accompanied by a lot of wistful sighing) 

I saw so many people who were all so very angry that Daenerys doesn’t walk away the winner of everything, that Cersei doesn’t get a more satisfying death, that Jon didn’t get to be the true king, that Jaime and Brienne don’t get a happily-ever-after, etc. etc. etc. And to all of those people I have just one question to ask you: What the fuck show have you been watching? 

Daenerys deserved better? 

Tell that to Ned Stark. Tell that to Robb and Catelyn and Shireen and Margaery and all the rest of the Tyrells. Just for starters. We could do this all day. 

Just because we had a few bad guys get some deliciously just endings does not mean that the Game of Thrones universe is fair or that anyone gets what they deserve. That’s just silly. 

But okay, fine then: Was it fucked up to tell a story where the breaker of chains and inspirational strong woman becomes the villain? 

I mean, sure, maybe. But doing so allowed us to ask some other really interesting questions (and, as previously noted, I always prefer when things are interesting). 

Is excessive force justified when it’s against evil men? Who gets to decide who is good and who is evil? How many losses are acceptable? Can you fight monsters without becoming a monster yourself? Should you be uncomfortable with how happy you are when “others” are slaughtered? Are you a little bit culpable too? 

Was Dany’s heel-face turn perfectly executed? No. But it was believable, and it was powerful, and I think the questions it asks are good questions that deserve to be talked about. 

Game of Thrones is all about subverting tropes, and Daenerys is the obvious Chosen One. She’s the one with the fantastic birth and the underdog story and the magical powers. She and Jon Snow are both the characters that every story tells us will be the heroes. So of course they don’t get what they “deserve.” 

If the first episode of Game of Thrones asks, “What happens if being good doesn’t save the hero?” then the last episode asks, “What happens if being the hero doesn’t make you good?” 

And that, to me, is interesting enough that it more than makes up for shortcomings in the road we traveled to get there. 

A lot of the criticism of the show -- take, for just one of many examples, this: https://www.menshealth.com/entertainment/a27527950/game-of-thrones-finale-character-endings/ -- seems to fundamentally misunderstand what the show actually is or what it was attempting. 

And like...I can understand being disappointed, but...like the scorpion & the frog...you knew what this show was when you picked it up. 

Here’s a Twitter thread I really liked about this point: https://twitter.com/leighalexander/status/1130750999684161537

So Am I Just Some D&D Apologist Who Loves Everything About This Show? 

I’m so glad you asked, hypothetical reader! 

No. No, I am not in love with every creative decision made by the GoT showrunners. There are plenty of things I disliked about the show and its creative choices. 

Re-framing Daenerys and Khal Drogo’s sex as rape, and then making the same mistake later when Jaime and Cersei have sex after Joffrey’s death. 

Giving Sansa to Ramsay Bolton. Not only do we get more unnecessary rape plots (and, honestly, wasn’t there enough rape in the source material?) but it just is so much less interesting than what was happening with Book!Sansa, who is my favorite character (and was my favorite long before it became cool to love Sansa). 

The entire three-eyed raven arc and “hold the door.” I mean, it was cool and tense, but I never got a really good idea of wtf the three-eyed raven’s powers actually do and what Bran inherited, and I kind of got the feeling that the showrunners didn’t understand it either and thus skirted around it. (Overall the show seemed uncomfortable with its more fantastic elements and knowing what to do with them). 

I thought Rickon was a wasted opportunity of a character. I wanted to see him do something cool. I admit that this is based entirely on my pet theory that the direwolves represent the souls of the Stark children, and I hoped Shaggydog’s vicious nature meant that Rickon was going to become a badass somehow. Alas. (I am also deeply sad that Arya and Nymeria don’t reunite to go fuck some shit up together)

Euron Greyjoy was a disaster. He is so much more interesting in the books, and so much weirder, and he’s just so pointless and annoying in the show by comparison. 

I didn’t like the “let’s go beyond the wall and oops there went my dragon” storyline very much, and honestly at no point did I ever really believe Jon and Dany’s relationship because it was rushed and the actors have zero chemistry. 

So no, I don’t think the showrunners made a perfect TV show. But I do think it’s deeply unfair to say that they are incompetent writers or that they can’t work without the original source material. 

My Criticism of the Criticisms 

The internet is full of idiotic opinions, and I could be here all day if I addressed all of them (I’ve already been working on this for two hours) but I will address a few of the complaints I’ve seen that have most rankled me. 

“Daenerys goes crazy because a boy rejected her” 

I think calling Daenerys the “mad queen” and writing off Targaryen madness as A Real Thing That Definitely Exists And Is Not At All A Metaphor For Power And Entitlement is silly and reductivist. Yes, generations of inbreeding have probably unsettled the Targaryens a bit. But Dany didn’t just go crazy. As I’ve said before: She was already prepared to sacrifice the lives of the commoners on King’s Landing. She knew that Cersei would use them as a human shield and Dany wasn’t going to let that stop her. She had endured so much on her journey to get to this point, and nothing was going to stand between her and the Iron Throne. I talk about this in great length in another post so I won’t get into it here, but just...don’t be stupid. 

“Cersei’s ending was stupid and pointless”

I’ve spent so much time dissecting Daenerys that I haven’t had a chance to talk about Cersei, which is a shame because I love her character a lot. I really loved her ending. All this time, the only thing she wanted was the security that power would bring her. Watching the look on her face when she realizes that Daenerys is going to destroy everything and that no political maneuvering can save her -- it was really powerful acting, and a major moment of change for her character. That she dies in Jaime’s arms, admitting at last that she is frightened, that she doesn’t want to die, that she doesn’t want her baby to die -- not only is it heartbreaking, but it’s honest. That is Cersei laid bare. She is who she has always been. That encapsulates her arc in a way that no other death really could have, and I personally found it a lot more satisfying than if Arya or whomever had just stabbed her in the back. 

“All of Jaime’s character development just went out the window”

I’ll give you some of this. I don’t know that the show has ever fully understood Jaime. Just as Cersei is so much more sympathetic in the show, Jaime is much more sympathetic in the books. But I don’t think that all his character development is for nothing. I think we still have his journey, no matter what. And in the end, I can understand why he chose to leave Brienne. He didn’t think he deserved that happiness, for one; Brienne was too good for him, not just as a person but as a knight, and he knew that. And what was his long-term plan, anyway? Daenerys certainly wasn’t overly fond of him. There’s a non-zero chance she might have executed him for killing her father once he’s outlived his usefulness. Cersei and his unborn child were in the path of danger. He had a chance to maybe go rescue them and save the family, somehow, as he’d so horribly failed to save any of his other children. It was a stupid choice, but Jaime is the dumbest Lannister, and his self-loathing go deep. Did we think that Brienne’s redemptive vagina was going to save him from himself? Come on. 

As for his last moments with Cersei...well. He was already mortally wounded by Euron. And I loved that the fight was so inglorious, so raw and dirty and stupid. They wrestle in the mud and it was perfect, as far as I’m concerned. So Jaime knows he won’t get out of this alive, and here’s Cersei, frightened and vulnerable. What else CAN he do but try to comfort them both? I thought it was a beautiful end for both of them and just because Jaime’s story ended up being tragic doesn’t invalidate his redemption arc. (I mean, for fuck sake, how many people go through rehab just to die of an overdose when they backslide?) 

“The scorpions are deadly weapons except then they’re useless”

Okay like. This is annoying to me. By the time we see Rhaegal, he has suffered a lot of damage courtesy of the white walkers. His wing has a big freaking hole in it. He’s not 100%, and he’s not being ridden by anyone, and the attack comes as an ambush. Drogon evades being shot down because he’s being steered by a rider and he’s not injured and exhausted. 

“D&D are incompetent writers who have no idea what they’re doing”

This one just makes me mad, and not just because of the fandom entitlement that I hate so much. (in this house, we stan for creators). Look. If they’re so incompetent, how did they manage to make a show that y’all loved for seven seasons previous to this? Also, like it or not, they know exactly what they’re doing. Like, they had such a clear idea of what they were doing that they managed to foresee the exact counter-arguments that fans would have and directly address them in the show. 

Like. Hot damn. I will admit: I was very nervous about this season in the first few episodes. Dany was making me uneasy. She was acting selfish and entitled, and her attitude toward the war was making me uncomfortable -- because she was still in the role of hero, and I wasn’t sure if we-the-audience were meant to just swallow this as being OK. And then Varys and Tyrion have a conversation about exactly that, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Because that made it clear that the show knew what it was doing. 

And then later? Jon and Tyrion have a so-accurate-its-painful discussion about Dany’s heel-face turn and her potential motives, and it so perfectly mirrored the discussions on Twitter the week prior that I almost wondered if they’d snuck off to film it last minute. 

The point is: Like it or not, D&D knew exactly what they were doing. And, remember, GRRM gave them an outline, and while we don’t know for sure what’s their invention and what’s his, I think we can safely say that the broad strokes of the ending were GRRM’s invention, not theirs.   https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/game-thrones-showrunners-know-how-687589

So love it or hate it, the ending of GoT cannot be blamed on incompetence. 

Okay Fine But the Pacing Was Still Really Bad 

Yep. I’ll grant you that. 

The ending blazes through plot points at breakneck speed. A lot of really important character development is left to performances; we’re forced to infer, as the audience, what a character is thinking or feeling at any given time. A lot of really important plot information is delivered by way of single dialogue lines. There’s a lot of “if you blink you’ll miss it” storytelling. 

It’s not ideal by any means. 

But it’s still pretty fucking good. The performances are good enough that, to me anyway, it’s pretty easy to intuit what’s going on internally. And the show still gave me things to think about, and made me feel things, and the impact may actually have been stronger by virtue of leaving so much to the imagination. By leaving a lot of questions unanswered, the show invites conversation and thought and speculation, and I think that’s valuable.

Would I Have Done It Differently? 

Here’s a fun relic from history -- check out GRRM’s original story pitch, back when he thought this would be a trilogy: https://www.insider.com/game-of-thrones-original-story-2017-8

Talk about scope creep. 

It’s fascinating, though. I know myself all too well that the book I set out to write and the book I end up with are never the same. There are some really interesting ideas in here, but I think the story we ended up with is a lot better. 

But as for the ending of the Game of Thrones. Was it perfect? Would I have handled it differently? 

Thematically, I think the resolution is mostly fine. Putting Bran on the throne is...well, it’s a choice. I have a little bit of a hard time with it just because it’s not really clear what Bran is, exactly. What are the scope of his powers? Is it a bit of a cop-out to put a supernatural king on the throne? 

But what I do like about it is the idea that it doesn’t actually really matter who we put on the throne. The story makes a difference -- we need something that makes for a good song, because maybe at the end of the day one of the messages is that we need to believe in all these tropes we’ve deconstructed because reality is hard, it’s painful and boring and often nonsensical, and maybe we need stories in order to survive. 

But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who we put in charge, because the people who are actually in charge are the council, and they will deal with everything the way they always had. After years of bloody rebellion, maybe the best thing really is the status quo. Maybe the solution to the game of thrones is to just stop fucking playing it. Put somebody on the damn throne and get back to running the country. I like that a lot. 

I also like the idea that change is important, and it’s possible, but it’s slow. That strikes a good balance of realism and optimism. No, we’re not bringing democracy to Westeros, but we’re establishing the roots of a Republic. No, a queen doesn’t sit the Iron Throne, but a queen does get to rule in the north, and the north gets its sovereignty. No, Jon Snow doesn’t get to be the hero, but he does get to go beyond the wall with the Freefolk, which honestly will probably make him happier than anything else (and while he doesn’t get to claim his birthright, he does know now why Ned did what he did, and gets some closure on the daddy issues front). 

All in all, it’s good. It’s not a happy ending, but we were never going to get a happy ending. And it’s not a particularly dramatic ending, because we weren’t going to get one of those either. 

THAT SAID. I will say there are a few things that really bothered me about the way the finale plays out. 

Drogon spontaneously melting down the throne for....some reason? Uh? I mean thematically it’s great but like....why though? 

It would have made more sense if the dragon roasted Jon, except Jon doesn’t burn because fire can’t burn a dragon, but the throne behind Jon melts down. It also would have made sense of Jon hopped on the dragon and melted down the throne himself, and maybe went and either killed Dany’s force or made them surrender/yield to him. 

I also have a hard time believing that the Unsullied who were just executing Lannisters would have locked Jon up instead of executing him immediately for treason. 

And wtf have they all been doing after Dany died? OK, fine, maybe the Unsullied don’t have any ambitions of their own, but you’re telling me the Dothraki were like “oh, ok, queen’s dead, guess we’ll just hang out and not do anything then?” 

None of that made any sense to me. 

Also wtf how are there still so many Dothraki and Unsullied left? Didn’t, like, a whole lot of them die fighting zombies? 

Ugh. 

Anyway. 

Perfect? No. Thought-provoking? Absolutely. Thematically on-point? Yeah, I’d say so. One of the best shows on television, still? Definitely. Are there valid criticisms? Yes. Are most of the criticisms valid? Not by a long shot. 

One final thought: 

We never do learn why the Night King doesn’t burn. Our pet theory in the house (courtesy of my husband) is that he is of Targaryen descent. He can ride the dragon, after all. What if that’s not just because he resurrects it with his powers, but because he is himself a dragon-rider? 

So with that as a possibility...Well. I’m just saying. 

We don’t know where Drogon took Daenerys after she dies. But wouldn’t it be interesting if she is somehow resurrected, and somehow gets to spend the next few centuries amassing an army of the undead to come back and take what’s rightfully hers, effectively re-starting the cycle and bringing winter back once again? 

(this is what happens when you give a fantasy series to a horror writer) 

[the-evanescent-inkwell]

11/11 (Make a Wish) Tag

Thanks for tagging me, @capshorty!

Rules: Answer the 11 questions of the person who tagged you; make up 11 questions; tag 11 people to answer them.

1.) How old were you when you realized writing was something you wanted to do? How old were you when you actually started doing it?

Funny story, I denied the fact that writing was my calling for like four years. I’m sixteen and I’ve been writing regularly (almost every day) since I was eleven. It took pretty much everyone who I let read my (very bad) earlier work yelling at me that most kids don’t sit around crafting stories and actually doing a decent job for a majority of their time. I didn’t really start taking myself seriously (AKA actually writing not just for my own amusement) until I was fourteen/fifteen. 

2.) What are your favorite fandoms? Do you read or write fanfiction for any of them?

Tbh, I go through fandoms like candy. Right now I’m into a few different crime dramas, but I’ve always been super obsessed with Star Wars and Once Upon A Time. I like The Umbrella Academy, Stranger Things, and Marvel right now. As for fanfiction, I’ve never actually written a legit, full-length fanfiction. I wrote part of one for Portal awhile ago, and when I was younger and got bored I would basically make up Star Wars fan fiction in my head, but I eventually turned that into an original idea, so I’m not sure if that counts. For the most part, all of my work is original. As far as reading fan fiction, I only really read my friends’ when they send it to me.

3.) What was your first story idea that you really felt was solid?

I never plan out my stories to any degree (AKA I’m horrible at outlining/following an outline so I have a pile of notes and cinema scenes in my head that I use), so the first story I ever really wrote to be published was a big deal because it was planned out. I had step by step planned out and I spent months on character profiles. It’s been two years since I finished the first draft and have been working on it every now and then, and I still feel like it’s pretty good. I don’t want to talk about it too much because I don’t know what the future holds for it, but I made some dumb memes on this account, so if you seen anything that mentions ‘AUT’, that’s the placeholder name for it.

4.) What’s your best solution for getting over writer’s block?

Just fucking write, man. Whenever I get a block, it’s usually on a boring transition scene I don’t want to write (most of my stuff is heavy in internal conflict and development, so I don’t like to write out of order, period, in case I lose the flow of my character) and for the most part I just have to rip off the bandaid and get into the exciting stuff. 

Granted, sometimes I also get writer’s block after I’ve been working really hard for a few weeks and I just run out of creative juice. When that happens, the best thing to do is just let myself recharge. I chill out, I watch some shows, I read some new books. I let myself rediscover my creativity before I hop back in.

5.) What book(s)/author(s) have you read that you think have influenced your writing most?

The Narnia Chronicles have honestly influenced my writing more than I would like to admit. I’m a fantasy geek all the way, but he was also the author that taught me just what you could do with a story. For instances, Narnia was a reflection of his faith. As much as I like to make fun of English teachers who are like “White drapes! It’s symbolism for freedom and purity! I don’t expect you to understand!” I love finding good meaning beneath stories and pretend the author leaves it there. I put a lot of focus on psychology and philosophy in my own work, and while reading John Green certainly hasn’t discouraged me, it really all started with stories that I grew up reading and found out meant so much more.

6.) Which of your stories was/is the easiest to write? Which was the hardest?

This might be a weird answer, but the ones where I can just write. Grimm’s Heights (go check out my Wattpad) was really easy to write because I didn’t care how bad it was. I just took a scenario and I let it unfold. I have a lot of stories that I write simply to write. There’s no pressure, so it doesn’t really matter how good it is. An Abundance of Dragons and The Limerence of Audrey Douglas are two of the hardest stories I have ever tried to write. Abundance is because I have such specific goals for it (AKA I want it to be wholesome and sweet, but I am Emo AF so no can do) and Limerence because I started it from a place of anger and betrayal and wanted it to prove a point to the person who made me angry. It’s easy to get dissatisfied when I don’t see myself moving fast enough, or I don’t feel like the story is as good as it was in my head, and that just discourages me from writing. Still getting better though!

7.) What are some of your favorite tropes to read/write?

Enemies to lovers. “But you gotta save the WORLD”. Love triangle but where it doesn’t end the typical way (AKA two girls fighting over the guy, but surprise they gay AF and start dating each other). Oh no, Character A is in trouble? And Character B arrives at the perfect time? Lovely! “I’m just an ordinary person.” WRONG!

8.) If you could date any fictional character, who would it be?

Tbh, I can’t think of a single character I’d actually want to date from anything I’ve read/watched. Even my own.

9.) What are some of your favorite things to do outside of writing?

Watch TV and read books, then mumble under my breath “I could’ve done it better.” I also like to take care of plants, annoy my dog, and go to iHop with my friends for no reason.

10.) Where would be your ideal place to live?

Rockies, like Colorado somewhere. College town. Just big enough to have a personality without traffic problems. I’ve lived in the Midwest (specifically Texas) for my entire life, so pretty much anywhere but here.

11.) What’s the most underrated book you’ve ever read? Most overrated?

People are always talking about Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings, but I’ve never heard someone other than my mom even mention the Belgariad series by David Eddings. It’s super great. It’s fantasy and it has different but very solid and real characters. It’s got humor, it’s got combat, and the world building is perfect for the story. The only thing I didn’t like was the final battle (I thought it was a bit anticlimactic), but I guess it’s about the journey, not the end.

As for the most overrated, there are a lot of books I could point out, but I’ll go with the Shannara chronicles. I don’t want to offend anyone, but I didn’t end up reading all of them, and I only watched part of the television series because it just made me soooo mad. I don’t want to go into it now (I could write a thesis on it, honestly), but the gist of it is that I liked the world but not the execution. I absolutely love a good post-apocalyptic fantasy, but I hated the story and the only character I actually genuinely liked was the only character killed off. The only reason I watched the television series was because my friend really liked it, and I criticized her taste a lot afterward. Anyway, I tried it because I heard great things, but it just didn’t do it for me.

As I’ve said many times before, I’m bad at these things because I never know who to tag. I spent like twenty minutes scrolling through some of my mutual writeblrs. As always, no pressure if you don’t want to do the tag! :) 

Tagging: @thepanickingwriter @bluewrites0 @gardamn @writings-of-an-elm-tree @writings-of-a-narwhal @ink-on-poppies @latechickadee @amerakandreamer @clarissalopeswriter @senawrites @the-violet-writer

Questions for YOU!

1. What was the first idea/project that you ever tried to write?

2. What is your biggest strength as a writer? What is your biggest weakness?

3. How do you stay focused while writing?

4. If you could have lunch with one character you have written about (original or from fanfiction) who would it be?

5. What type of writeblr posts help you the most with your own writing (advice, resources, word lists, prompts, etc.)?

6. What is the most mind-opening book you’ve ever read/show or movie you’ve ever watched?

7. Have you written fanfiction? If so, on what?

8. What is a book/story/poem/anything you were forced to read in high school that you actually ended up liking? 

9. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? What would you see? What would you do? Why?

10. What is the weirdest thing you have done/searched on the Internet for the sake of research?

11. If you could adopt any animal as a pet (and I mean any animal) what would it be? (Also, it can be extinct/not real)

[frankly-art]

Frankly-Art’s Top 10 Video Games of 2018

Also available to read on my deviantArt!

With every New Year comes another year’s worth of video games to look forward to, and 2019 promise to be a good one in that regard: the release of Kingdom Hearts III is only days away, Piranha Plant and Joker are certain to be innovative and entertaining additions to the Smash Ultimate roster, Animal Crossing is coming to the Switch… and those mark only a small fraction of the many things 2019 has in store for us in terms of gaming. Amid all of this hype, I got to thinking about the varied gameplay experiences I had over the past year; so, I figured this would be as good an opportunity as any for me to reflect on them with a bit of a critical eye and definitively rank each of the video games I managed to get to during 2018!

Keep in mind while reading that, even though this is a list featuring games I played in 2018, many of these games were ones released in years past that I never got around to until last year—so, if you were expecting a list of the top 10 games that were released in 2018, I’m afraid you’ll have to look elsewhere (but not until after you read my oh-so-important list first! I crave validation!); expect a healthy mix of new and old titles in the list below. Additionally, this list will rank downloadable content (DLC) separately from standalone titles, as I don’t find it fair to compare a DLC add-on to a fully-fledged game. I’ll be weighing the score of each DLC depending on how well it improves and expands upon the narrative and gameplay of its original game.

Without further ado (and with no better means of transitioning from this introduction to the list itself than to use a somewhat tired expression in the realm of video games), let’s-a go! (Please forgive me.)

-SPOILER WARNING IN EFFECT-

Favorite Characters: Revali, Urbosa, Kass Favorite Tracks: Monk Maz Koshia (all phases)

It might come as somewhat of a shock that a game with “Breath of the Wild” in its title would rank lowest on my list, but hear me out: no matter how much fun it was to be able to return to Hyrule in this DLC expansion, in my opinion, Champions’ Ballad just felt like more of the same of what we got in the main game.

Despite the nigh perfection that was Breath of the Wild, I have to agree with critics who said that the lack of aesthetic variation between segments of dungeon crawling and puzzle solving was a monotonous bore when compared to the varied themes and aesthetics of the dungeons in Zelda games past, and Champions’ Ballad did nothing to vary the atmosphere in its new shrines and dungeon from those of the main game. This disappointment was compounded with the fact that Champions’ Ballad added no new weapons to your arsenal (aside from a risky-to-use fork that functioned virtually like every other sword in the game) to allow for new types of puzzle solving or exploration. The unicorn motorcycle was certainly a cool reward for completing the DLC (the fact that I got to write the words “unicorn” and “motorcycle” next to each other is reward enough), but I had very little use for it since I’d already combed through the entirety of Hyrule during my first playthrough of the game. I simply believe it would have been nice for Champions’ Ballad to have given players something a little fresher to explore, even if it were just an aesthetic change of scenery.

I had also hoped that Champions’ Ballad might have expanded on the lore sprinkled throughout Hyrule and, even though we learned more about the four champions, I was a little let down that they didn’t really expand on anything else (Why can’t I climb to the top of Mount Agaat? Why does the entirety of the Akkala region fill me with a confusing sense of serene dread?? What the hell happened at the Typhlo Ruins???) I appreciate that, by not explaining everything, Nintendo give players the chance to interpret these things for themselves, but, when compared to the lore provided in previous Zelda games, I feel as though Champions’ Ballad fell short in fleshing out the history of this ruined Hyrule.

Favorite Characters: Prompto, Ignis Favorite Tracks: A Retainer’s Resolve, Apocalypsis Magnatus

Given how much of a beautiful mess Final Fantasy XV was upon its initial release, it’s certainly a consolation to the main game to see how well Square Enix supplemented its (rather disjointed) story and expanded upon its (frankly, lacking) gameplay through its various DLC expansion chapters featuring Noctis’ loyal Chocobros. And while I may not love Ignis quite as much as other chocobros like Prompto or Noctis, Episode Ignis was definitely an engaging and welcome addition to the enigma that is the Final Fantasy XV.

Particular highlights of Episode Ignis include its soundtrack, which features a heroic leitmotif for Ignis that really underscores the dire circumstances he and his teammates find themselves in during this segment of the story, and its addition of gameplay modes (Motorboat Simulator 2018 being one of them) are a welcome change of pace to the somewhat rudimentary battle and exploration systems found in the main game. However, a point of contention I have with Episode Ignis is with its narrative: while I appreciate that this DLC chapter finally explains how Ignis becomes blind, its multiple endings completely undermine the storyline of the main game itself. Does Ignis’ sacrifice save Noctis from having to make a sacrifice of his own in order to save the world? Does Ignis regain his sight after Noctis defeats Ardyn? Do Noctis and Luna finally realize that they’d be better off with other people (as it’s obvious that Noctis is already too preoccupied with his three boyfriends to make room for anyone else)? I need answers, Square!

Favorite Characters: Elizabeth, Atlas/Frank Fontaine Favorite Tracks: Patsy Cline – She’s Got You, Johnny Mathis – Wonderful! Wonderful!

I claimed to be a fan of the BioShock series for so long, even though I’d only ever played the first game in the series until the summer of 2017 when I finally bought a PS4 and, with it, the BioShock Collection. Now, I can call myself a fan of the series without reservation, having explored and discovered all that Rapture and Columbia have to offer. To me, BioShock Infinite: Burial at Sea Episodes 1 & 2 are a love letter to the entire series itself, featuring elements from the three main-series games and tying together each of their narratives (save for maybe BioShock 2, which is absolutely criminal, considering 2 is my favorite game in the series) in a way that, while forced in some aspects, felt like Ken Levine actually cared about clearing up some of the more confusing questions that remained at the end of BioShock: Infinite.

Burial at Sea really came into itself during Episode 2, where gameplay was switched up to feature more fleshed-out stealth mechanics that made sneaking around Rapture and Columbia both exhilarating and terrifying. It was also refreshing to be able to finally take control of Elizabeth, one of the most iconic characters of the series after the Big Daddies of BioShocks 1 and 2, and learn more of her own personal motivations and desires as she maneuvers through hostile environments. As I already mentioned briefly, I know some took issue with the way Burial at Sea wove the first two BioShock games together with the third, but, considering the mess that was made when BioShock Infinite introduced multiverse science into its mythos (and the narrative mess that Infinite was in general—I took great issue with the way they framed the oppressed populations of Columbia as “just as bad” as the ruling populations simply because they used violence to, you know, try and liberate themselves from their oppression), I feel that Burial at Sea did the best job it could considering that the setting of Infinite differed so greatly from that of the first two games.

Also, fun fact: I studied this game as a part of my Master’s Project and played it through a total of three times: once in English and twice in French! Isn’t academia weird?

Favorite Characters: Rando, Buddy, Vega Van Dam Favorite Tracks: 666 Kill Chop Deluxe, He’s My Dad, Brokentooth March

Anyone who reads TV Tropes is likely familiar with the trope “Gameplay and Story Segregation” and its less-frequent counterpart, “Gameplay and Story Integration”. In the case of LISA: The Joyful, this DLC game (which could practically be its own standalone title if it weren’t for the fact Steam labels it as “DLC” and won’t let you play it without first purchasing LISA: The Painful) absolutely excels in the latter and completely subverts the gameplay mechanics and narrative structure of the base game, and this can all be attributed to the way both games focus on your use of the cure-all drug that makes you feel nothing: Joy.

Indeed, where LISA: The Painful makes you question your use of the drug Joy, LISA: The Joyful (Joyful) is nigh impossible to complete without taking it in nearly every battle after you’re left to your own devices when the muscle of your party abandons you. As anyone who’s played the LISA trilogy will know, Joy is a dangerous substance, mutating its addicts and twisting the minds of anyone who uses it, and that Joy is an integral piece of the trilogy’s social and philosophical commentary on the freedom and restriction of choice, the commitment and devotion one carries for a person or cause, and the inherent, inevitable grey area of any and all actions one may take. Despite these themes, LISA: The Joyful is far from a demoralizing experience: if anything, the way the game simulates the feeling of being backed into a corner and the refusal to give up despite the odds only affirms whatever moral code by which you may already live, or is at least an opportunity to feel relief that you yourself aren’t forced to make such drastic decisions for your own survivability and freedom.

That’s it for the DLC games I played in 2018; now, the real fun begins! Brace yourself for my list of the top standalone titles I played last year!

Favorite Characters: Katie

This game was recommended to me by a friend, and, as much as I wanted to enjoy it, this game wound up being my lowlight of 2018, with its simplistic, seemingly rudimentary gameplay and conspicuous lack of any compelling narrative. Put bluntly, this game was like a forgettable rendition of Animal Crossing, only without any cute animal neighbors to run errands for. The game’s environment threatened absolutely no danger to your player character, yet still didn’t offer any engaging or challenging puzzles to solve to make up for this lack of danger (most “puzzles” involved figuring out how to get to a particular point on the map… and that was it). Despite this being an open-world game that offered endless opportunities for customization, I found myself hurrying to complete the game’s main (5-hour) campaign so I could feel justified to move on to other gaming experiences. The most unfortunate part of this to me is that I know there’s still more to the game’s world for me to explore, but I’m in no way compelled to do so.

In all fairness, though, I think that I’m a little older than the target demographic this game was aiming for. This game was never meant to be challenging or stressful, it was made to be a relaxing escape for anyone looking to pass the time exploring and discovering a beautifully modeled and brightly colored world. This game also wins serious points for inclusivity, especially considering the age group this game was most likely made for; my fondest memory of this game is of a quest where a woman requests that you find her the ingredients to make a potion that stimulates beard growth because she wants to grow a beard of her own, and not once during this campaign is she ridiculed or belittled for wanting one. Since Yonder seems to be a game for kids, I believe quests such as this are an excellent step to socializing them into a world that’s less judgmental and more receptive to other people. So, despite  my earlier critiques of this game, Yonder would be a great game to consider if you’re looking for a low-key and off-beat (and all-human) alternative to Animal Crossing.

Favorite Veteran Fighters: Peach, Zelda, Zero Suit Samus Favorite Newcomers: Daisy, Ridley, Richter Favorite Stages: Fountain of Dreams, Fourside, Hyrule Temple Favorite Tracks: All-Star Rest Area (Melee), Destroyed Skyworld, Athletic (Yoshi’s Island)

We all knew another installment in the Smash series was coming ever since the Switch was first announced back in March of 2017. In fact, you might even say that the quality of each console’s iteration of Smash reflects the quality of the console itself, with Melee demonstrating the power and potential of the GameCube, Brawl being a gimmicky romp on an equally gimmicky console, and Wii U/3DS (what a title, right?) completely failing to capture player interest for longer than a few rounds of Smash (the Wii U era feels like a fever dream to me at this point). It’s a letdown, then, that with the Switch being such a commercial and technical success, Smash Ultimate seems somewhat of a disappointment when weighed against the hype that surrounded it up until its release back in early December.

It’s true that Smash Ultimate really delivers in regard to the character roster (everyone is here!) and stage selection (almost everything is here!), but the cuts that were made to series staples like trophies, event matches, and the like, detract from Smash Ultimate becoming the be-all end-all title in the series that it could have been. Trophy mode was where I learned much about video game history and was introduced to obscure series I would have never discovered otherwise, and their replacement with spirits feels a bit cheap, especially since spirits don’t come with any kind of information to contextualize them. Event Matches were hybridized with Melee’s Adventure mode and Brawl’s Subspace Emissary, creating the “World of Light”; while the World of Light has grown on me the more that I play it, it’s somewhat discouraging to me that, by combining so many modes of Smash games past into one, there will be nothing left for me to do with the game once I reach its end.

Still, Smash Ultimate offers plenty to look forward to. I’m more-than-hyped about the additions of Piranha Plant and Joker from Persona 5 to the character roster, and I can’t wait to see who might be announced next (unless it’s another Fire Emblem character… please God [Sakurai] don’t let it be another Fire Emblem character).

Favorite Tracks: The Bridge, Touching the Stars, Up to the Nest

I could never have prepared myself for the beautiful-yet-heart-wrenching experience this game would put me through, but I’m oh-so-glad that it did. On the surface, RiME is a relaxing exploration and puzzle game that takes place in a beautifully rendered in-game world, with a brilliantly orchestrated soundtrack and a plethora of diverse landscapes to get lost in. And yet, every moment of your adventure is permeated by an inescapable sense of isolation and dread, making you ask questions like “Where is everyone?”, “Just who is that man in the red cloak?,” and, “Is he stalking me, or are I stalking him?”.

Indeed, RiME’s narrative unfolds wordlessly as you explore and leaves you to discover and interpret on your own exactly what tragedies transpired before the events of the game, tragedies of which are far more poignant and moving if you were to discover them yourself. I know I’ve put a spoiler warning in effect, but I highly recommend you play this game on your own (or at least watch a decent Let’s Play of it) if you’re curious to know what unfolds during the game’s narrative. RiME is a relatively short game, too, lasting only between 5-10 hours, so it would be an easy one to fit into your queue if you’re looking for a fun gameplay experience with a story that will haunt you for weeks and months on end after completing it.

Favorite Characters: Terry Hintz, Buzzo, Wally Favorite Tracks: Men’s Hair Club, The End is Nigh, Summer Love

Having already talked about this game’s DLC expansion of LISA: The Joyful, you’re already aware that I hold the LISA trilogy in high regard—it also means I can make this entry somewhat brief, since a lot of what I said about Joyful can also be applied to its parent title, LISA: The Painful. You see, it’s in LISA: The Painful where the conflict in Joyful begins, and where we learn more of how the world came to be so depraved after the White Flash, an extinction event that inexplicably killed all women on the planet (at least, as far as the characters in the game know). The game considers what the repercussions of such an event would be on our society (aside from dooming humanity to die off within a generation) and really explores the darkest depths of toxic masculinity to call into question the detrimental effects it has on our self-esteem, our relationships, and our will to survive. Gameplay-wise, it’s a fairly traditional JRPG, though as I mentioned with Joyful, LISA: The Painful integrates its story with its gameplay by permanently increasing (but mainly decreasing) your stats depending on whatever injuries you escape or sustain throughout your journey. All in all, LISA: The Painful is a truly harrowing experience from beginning to end, but a must-play for anyone with an interest in the more macabre aspects of human nature.

Favorite Characters: Aloy, Erend, Vanasha Favorite Tracks: Louder

You know a game’s going to be good when its title screen holds you in awe before even pressing start. Imagine a sunlit vignette over purple mountains and a glistening river, a haunting and triumphant melody underscoring it all, as the title slowly fades into view in white in the center of the screen: Horizon Zero Dawn. O.K., I’m in. This game just did so many things right as an open-world game during an era where the genre was oversaturated by mediocre games that rehashed the same tired tropes and mechanics in its gameplay and world building. Horizon Zero Dawn truly set itself apart from the crowd for a variety of reasons: its beautifully detailed setting (being a microcosmic interpretation of Western North America), its intricate combat system with a graciously forgiving learning curve, and its compelling and socially-conscious narrative all worked together to distinguish this game within the open-world genre.

What really sets this game apart most of all, though, is the game’s protagonist, Aloy: a rare female protagonist who is a breath of fresh air in a sea of male heroes, whose capabilities and intellect don’t come at the cost of her physical appearance and femininity. Aloy set an example for other game developers that female protagonists are more than viable (and are in fact, overdue) in the video games of today, and her status as a female character never felt gratuitous or shoehorned (e.g. Battlefield V’s inclusion of a female protagonist as an enlisted soldier in the British Army and serving in the line of duty during World War II). It’s difficult (read: impossible) to play Horizon Zero Dawn and not fall in love with Aloy for her wit, her strength, and her general stick-to-itiveness in the face of adversity (not to mention, she’s just really cute and knows how to work a belly shirt). With Aloy as the protagonist, you’ll never tire of adventuring through Horizon Zero Dawn’s 70-hours+ worth of gameplay as you explore the in-game world to learn just what happened to “The Old Ones” and their society all those millennia ago.

Favorite Party Members: Ryuji Sakamoto, Ann Takamaki, Makoto Niijima Favorite Confidants: Hifumi Togo, Sadayo Kawakami, Sae Niijima, Toranosuke Yoshida, Chihaya Mifune Favorite Targets/Boss Battles: Ichiryusai Madarame, Kunikazu Okumura, Leviathan, Yaldabaoth Favorite Tracks: Blooming Villain, Rivers in the Desert, A Woman, Aria of the Soul

I’ll bet no one saw this one coming! Just kidding—anyone who’s exchanged more than a few words with me since the fall of 2018 knows how much this game absolutely consumed my life over the span of, I don’t know, I think it was four months? Indeed, I wound up sinking a total of 123 hours into this game, and there’s still a loud part of me that wants to return to it to begin a New Game+ (you’ll even notice that it was too difficult for me to contain my favorite characters into one category, instead having to split them up in order to represent all of my favorites because of how much I love them all). I’m already a fan of JRPGs, so it didn’t take much for Persona 5 to win me over with its turn-based combat, but the addition of certain gameplay mechanics—like earning an extra turn for exploiting enemy weaknesses or improving your relationship with your friends outside of battle to unlock gameplay bonuses—prevent battles and exploration in Persona 5 from ever becoming stale. Indeed, Persona 5 was truly a masterpiece from start to finish and an experience that I never wanted to end.

Frankly, any drawbacks I could mention about this game feel almost nitpicky, like the way the status ailment “Envy” is represented during the final boss fight by the color indigo instead of green, or how Kawakami can only manage to make me one cup of very useful, SP-restoring coffee over the course of an entire evening. Still, Persona 5 isn’t without its faults: for one, Persona 5 loses significant points for its questionable representation of LGBT groups (the camp gay men who openly harass Ryuji on multiple occasions being the most glaring example), and this isn’t helped by the queerbaiting that’s prevalent in a lot of character dialogue and relationships. Additionally, the fact that you can’t romance any of your male confidants comes across as erasive at best and homophobic at worst, especially considering that 1) all but one of your female confidants are eligible girlfriends, 2) you can two-time all of them at once if you so desire (which isn’t just disrespectful, it’s also flippantly misogynistic), and, most importantly, 3) one of this game’s main themes includes rebelling against oppressive societal norms (a theme that will resonate deeply with any LGBT+ player). Female representation in Persona 5 is also somewhat of a mixed bag: while the game features a large cast of diverse female characters, its constant and blatant objectification of Ann is not only creepy, it’s incredibly obtuse considering the sexual harassment and abuse she suffers by one of her teachers during the game’s first story arc. Fortunately, each of these drawbacks is easy enough to ignore when discussing the game as a whole, but I hope Atlus improves upon them in future installments: considering how incredible an experience Persona 5 was, imagine how much more incredible Persona 6 could be if these issues were fixed!

So that’s it for my top 10 games of 2018. What are your thoughts? Do you agree or disagree with any of my commentary? What were some favorite games you played during 2018? I’d love to hear your responses and start a discussion, so please, leave your comments in the notes!

[felipesmithart]

Anime News Network - Inside The Manga Industry with Felipe Smith, American Mangaka (Part II)

In the second part of our interview (find part one here), Smith explains how manga distorted his expectations of life in Tokyo a bit, how working with Kodansha got him to look harder at genres and audiences, and what four crucial tips must be followed by any American otaku hoping to work in Japan, too.

Did working through Kodansha's demands for PEEPO CHOO develop any skills you've found useful on subsequent projects?

The quick and simple answer is a huge, resounding... yes! The rigorous schedule and incessant deadlines I kept while creating manga in the Japanese market actually prepared me to work full-time simultaneously in two industries back in the US! Upon my return in 2012, I was hired by Nickelodeon as a storyboard artist – and later character designer – for the Ninja Turtles animated TV show.

During that time, I was approached by Marvel to revamp the Ghost Rider franchise. I created Robbie Reyes, wrote 21 issues of his monthly comic, drew two of them and illustrated covers for ten of them.

So, from 2013 to 2017, I worked in both animation and comics full-time, at the same time. It was a bit nightmarish, but definitely worth the effort. And it was a possibility, in part, thanks to my Japanese publishing boot camp experience.

With that “double-duty” wrapped this year, you've turned to a new project Death Metal Zombie Cop, which was funded through Kickstarter. How does it differ from your recent output?

[It's] my return to creator-owned comics and I'm very excited about it. I've been developing it since the end of PEEPO CHOO back in 2011. In creating it, I'm applying everything I've learned from the Japanese and American comic markets and I can't wait to release it!

You've said you got the idea while wrapping up PEEPO CHOO. What was the inspiration?

...A combination of factors. The most important of which is the need to tap into an identifiable genre with an established audience. Neither of my previous graphic novel series, MBQ or PEEPO CHOO, fit neatly into any genre. I could say, with no real risk of sounding bumptious, that both titles are pretty singular in their approach and subject matter – something I've always strived for. But, by the same token, though well-received, they did not reach a tremendously expansive audience, either.

Did your run on Ghost Rider shape the idea, too?

In contrast, [it's] probably my most-read comic book series to date. It's very true that because it is a Marvel book – and an expansion on a well-known franchise – it already had significant interest and an expectant fan base before its release. But I believe that genre specificity had a great deal to do with its greater success, as well.  All-New Ghost Rider is an anti-hero “action” comic with elements of horror. Those are two tried-and-true genres with an important audience, and well-established tropes upon which to expand.

Sounds like these projects got you to consider potential audiences in different ways?

A fanbase is the life of a creator, and is essential to his or her existence and prosperity. A good creator will foster and grow a fanbase independently. But fitting neatly into genres – as was [explained to me] in Japan – can help a creator unite his fanbase with greater speed and efficacy. Thus, upon finishing PEEPO CHOO – and after four original series pitch rejections – I decided to try my best to find a story I could be invested in and tell effectively that would also fit in a designated, easy-to-identify genre… for once! [Laughs]

So, I picked horror and action – genres I've always liked – and then added “cops and crooks,” which is also a personal favorite of mine. What's funny is that the “zombie” genre element didn't really come into play until later in the development of the pitch, but once I found that piece of the puzzle, my mind was blown. I had never created a story with any supernatural elements, because I'd always strayed away from superheroes. But now, I found myself with a whole new set of storytelling possibilities and I got really excited.

So, your horizons were expanded, both literally and figuratively, after having to see the notion of genre from a different angle over in Japan?

As I mentioned earlier, the one series that caught the interest of my Japanese editor was also the one I eventually decided would most likely find a better place with a Western audience, and it was Death Metal Zombie Cop. As I also mentioned, upon my return to the US, Nickelodeon hired me on TMNT, and then I got a call from Marvel. And when the editor mentioned that he'd like me to pitch him an idea for a Ghost Rider in a car [as opposed to on his traditional motorcycle], and that I was pretty much free to create everything from the ground up… I had a few things I was dying to test out on the American direct market audience.

Now that I'm finally putting together Death Metal Zombie Cop, I can't say I'm really approaching it very differently than my previous creator-owned work. The major difference is that this series will be in full-color and I plan to release 24-page monthly issues, like an American comic series.

PEEPO CHOO explored the misconceptions American otaku have about Japan. How might manga give US readers – and aspiring creators – a skewed view of life across the Pacific?

That's a good question.  Although I've found that the largest portion of Japanese manga stories take place somewhere in real-life Japan, near real-life Japanese landmarks and during some time in real Japanese history – whether it be past or present –  in my experience, a great number of the “Japanese” characters portrayed in these manga do not truly reflect the character and behavior I've observed in the Japanese people.

What shaped your expectations before moving there, then?

...My only real perspective on Japanese culture, like that of many Westerners, was derived from what I saw on their TV shows, live-action or animated, read in manga or magazines, or from any Japanese person I happened to meet. Obviously, first-hand conversation and discussion with people is your best bet, when it comes to trying to understand or familiarize yourself with their culture.

Having lived and worked with Japanese people in LA, I was lucky to learn their culture in action, first-hand. The more I learned, the more I realized that the fictional manga characters I presumed to be realistic because of their true-to-life surrounding locations and attire were anything but.

What specific details might ring more realistic?

[If you are] the least bit observant, you'll see that people do not hug very often, nor high-five each other. “High-touch” is how it's referred to in Japan. And, in my experience, unless there's celebration or alcohol involved, they're rarely prone to any kind of loud outbursts of emotion, wild arm or body gesticulation, or very expressive facial communication. It only takes watching a bit of Japanese TV carefully to discern who is being a TV character and who is just a person [that] happened to be filmed by the camera.

In contrast, a huge number of characters in all media [all over the world] behave astoundingly differently from the norm. Imagine if every person you saw on TV behaved and talked like Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. You'd find that pretty strange. This is a topic I brought up to my editors on more than one occasion...

Were you trying to strike the right balance of realism and surrealism?

The concept of “reality” is something that I believed was essential to establishing a believable story scenario. The way characters behave and react to situations is a reflection of that reality. So, if I ever wrote a scene about a person riding a public bus, I would want all the details to be right and make sense…

“Does this person pay with coins or with a card?”

“If they're approached by an inebriated or deranged homeless person, what would they most likely say?”

“If they witnessed someone stealing from or hurting another, what would they do?”

If the character reacts to any of these situations in a plausible manner, then it's realistic, and therefore based on reality. Unless it's a comedy. In [that] case, we are now playing with the conventions of what would normally occur and turning them on their side.

Did this anthropology study reveal even more about the manga business, in turn?

...Partly because I'm a foreigner, I found myself noticing more and more that these characters on TV, in movies and in manga… in many cases [they] displayed very uncharacteristic behaviors that did not match what I saw on the streets in real life. This truly confounded me, because I realized that my telling of reality in a story seemed to actually be of little importance in the overall scheme of manga storytelling! [Laughs]

I remember telling my editor, “Where's the reality in these stories? People don't own guns in Tokyo. People aren't this outspoken. People don't behave like this here. This isn't real. What's this based on? It's not reality!”

My editor simply answered, “Who cares about reality? As long as it's interesting [and entertaining], it's good.”

Sounds like you went through a process of enlightenment, much like the characters in PEEPO CHOO?

Unlike Milton [the manga's otaku protagonist from Southside Chicago], it was obvious to me that one cannot equate a country's cultural reality to its popular entertainment. [Still], I had no idea how oddly removed from reality I'd find certain aspects of everyday Japanese storytelling – be it in manga or just regular TV. I guess I learned that when it comes to Japanese entertainment, we should seek [it expressly as entertainment], rather than [as] “reality” or “truth”. [Laughs].

How was the series received by Japanese readers? Any surprises?

PEEPO CHOO was positively received by reviewers as a series worthy of merit for being the first of its kind. It also confused some readers, who took to the 2chan internet forums to discuss it and me as a creator. Some speculated that I was just a Japanese mangaka who wrote under a gaijin-poi “foreigner-like” pen-name to try to get attention. Others did a little internet research, found my earlier work –  photos of me – and commented on how “he looks more like a soccer player than a mangaka!” [Laughs]

I remember my editor mentioning that some readers wrote in to the magazine commenting on my art –  which they liked – and on how they had a hard time understanding the motivations of some of my American characters.

Speaking its reception, if anybody types “Felipe Smith Japan” into YouTube's searchbar, they'll find some interesting videos, won't they?

PEEPO CHOO also received some TV coverage on a few shows, including NHK's documentary show Manga No Genba – “The Place of Comic Creation” – which filmed me working in my apartment and walking around Tokyo running daily errands. [I was also on the] comedic duo Oriraji's show Manga No Hi – “Comics Day” – in which I had five minutes to pitch my series' premise to a panel of judges live, in Japanese.

Did you encounter any misconceptions about America throughout this?

...Upon meeting me for the first time, my editor assumed I owned firearms in the US – which I don't – and a few more silly things that escape me at the moment. [Laughs] But, encountering strange misconceptions and being asked outlandish questions by locals is pretty common when you're a Westerner living in Japan. It's something you just kinda grow used to.

What advice do you have for any American cartoonists who'd like to follow in your footsteps?

“Eat your veggies, get your sleep, learn Japanese and get to work!”

Creating manga professionally for a major publisher has a quantifiable effect on you mentally and physically due to its rigorous schedule, so it's important for you to eat healthy and get proper rest as much as possible. Sitting in a seat for 12 to 18 hours a day can have a lasting negative effect on you if you let it, so stay active and pay attention to your health.

Do they need to go to the lengths you went to, though – flying over and taking residency in Tokyo?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again… you don't need to be in Japan to create manga. But, if for some reason you want to do it in Japan, you need to speak the language in order to articulate your ideas to an editor. If that's taken care of, and your series concept is accepted, get ready to write and draw non-stop for very long periods of time – rain or shine, for as long as your series goes, regardless of whether you feel like it or not.

With no exaggeration or intent to dissuade, I can tell you from my own personal experience that a professional mangaka has little time for anything other than making manga. I can say, with honesty, that within the arts, it's a profession best suited for a very particular kind of artistic maniac.

[nikkxb]

spycaptain replied to your post. 

Teach me how to love books again, Nikki Like goddamn

Answering seriously because my favorite job ever was working in a bookstore. I’ll throw out recommendations if you come to me with answers. Also ‘you’ in this is a collective you, only take it personally if it speaks to you.

First, questions to ask yourself: 

What genres do you like to read? What authors have you loved in the past? What’s catching your interest? Any tropes you want to read again? What keeps you from reading now?

Second, being honest about the answers:

What genres do you like to read? 

Not what genres are touted as great. Not what the world tells me I should be reading. Definitely not what genres can I justify to judgmental asswipes who misinterpret things not to their interest as ‘bad’ and ‘trite’. In general? I looked to fanfiction because I wasn’t reading those genres in real books. Because I kept getting that phantom judgment from people not in my life over what I should be reading. It’s easy to justify enjoying overused trope when its fanfiction, right? 

Fuck that noise. I’m so over letting the opinions of others dictate what I should spend my time enjoying. So when you ask yourself this question, actually listen to the answer. Don’t put stock in the loud voices of people who aren’t you try to change your tastes. Don’t cater to what the world says or what the internet says or what social commentary says. Figure out what you like to read.

What authors have you loved in the past? 

And this stems to further questions: What did you like about them? What were things you wish could have been improved? Why did you stop reading them? Sometimes, authors we’ve loved ten years ago don’t necessarily capture our interest today. And that’s okay! People change and with that, so do interests. But figuring out what you enjoyed about them will help you either find new authors to follow your tastes or revisit your loved ones and read their new work.

It’s not a coincidence that book recommendations usually follow similar authors rather than book subject.

What’s catching your interest?

What better way to dive into a book than to read about something that continues to grasp your attention in your daily life? You like the enemies-to-lovers/friends plot? Look for books containing it. You’re fascinated by colonial England? Browse through a few historical novels in that era. This one TV show is banging and utterly entertaining for you? Figure out what mainly appeals to you about the show and narrow that into a book genre.

An example: I enjoy a lot of things simply because of their humor. It plays over a dozen genres and showcases things that don’t necessarily correlate, but the author’s wittiness and the humor in the book is what grabs me. So I go and try to find those authors that contain that humor. It doesn’t have to be a continuous laugh fest, but drops here and there that make me chuckle? That grabs my attention and keeps it. Figure out where your interest is naturally gravitating toward and toss that answer in with the previous ones.

Any tropes you want to read again?

Any consumer of entertainment who claims they avoid all tropes necessary at all costs is a goddamned liar. There are tropes in every aspect of the entertainment industry, so my biggest suggestion is to find the ones you don’t mind reading or the one that’s caught your attention right now.

Again -- ignore the outside world. Ignore the voices that speak in condescending tones about an overused trope that you love in secret. Toss out the burden of someone else’s opinion because this is your entertainment and your time investment and your interest we’re talking about. Not the loud-mouth on her phone at the corner table in Starbucks about how it’s good that kids are reading these days but they should read something better or the patronizing reviewer hopping in everyone’s DMs on Goodreads to showcase his new book that’s better than the worldly drivel that takes up your ‘read’ shelves.

You want more farm boy who is falling in love with the rich daughter and leaves to make a name for himself? Or you want the kid who’s scared of his own person and seeks to hide it from the world in an attempt to remain “normal”? Or maybe you really really love well-written, titillating, heart-pumping, nail-biting, rough and rowdy and completely obscene scenes that you dare not admit to another soul who physically sees your face daily?

Whatever it is, identify it. Be honest with yourself because no one else will be.

What keeps you from reading now?

Not finding a good book isn’t an answer. Because books have changed isn’t an answer either. You changed, why shouldn’t your entertainment selections reflect that? You don’t go back and watch the same black and white 50s movies and expect diversity, don’t do that with books. Figure out what you’re looking for -- which is what we’re doing -- and then you’ll have the road to finding good books.

Not enough time? Well, no one ever has enough time. Period. You have to make time. The actual question is what’s taking up that time you would spend reading?

And that’s a hard question to answer. It’s going to force you to acknowledge some hard truths and make you realize that you’ve been prioritizing things over reading. “But I love to read---” Have you read? What have you been doing instead of reading? Actual love is an action. If you’re spending more time on something you claim not to love and ignoring the thing you do love, what are you loving?

Not yourself, that’s for sure.

And it’s hard, especially if the thing that’s keeping you from reading is social media like mine was. I was encompassed by this world online that isn’t real and I knew it wasn’t healthy. And I justified it by saying “well, I’d just be wasting this time reading if I wasn’t online”. Know what I discovered when I dropped social media cold turkey and went on a two-week reading spree where I read 13 books in 14 days?

I was wrong. Dead wrong. Social media takes up my time with people. I checked my phone in the bathroom, I checked my phone during workouts, I checked my phone between clients, at stoplights, during a movie with the family. I don’t pull out a book during any of those moments. Redirecting my time to reading actually made me more productive. I finally got in routines and could do laundry because it’s quicker to hang up clothes when you’re not checking notifications. 

Yeah, I still read books when I can steal the time from chores. Or cooking. Or when I’m procrastinating because I hate cleaning. But it doesn’t steal my time with my husband, it doesn’t drive me to compulsion to read a paragraph when my car is idling at a stop light, it doesn’t take over my life to where I’m constantly thinking about it even when it’s not in front of my face.

Fair to say that a good book doesn’t go away when you put it down, but it doesn’t own my life. So look at my example and see what’s keeping you from reading.

Not having anything to read? Easily fixable. Not having the time to read? That takes some self-reflection and isn’t as easy. But acknowledging is the first step.

Finally third, what now?

Now you find some books! It could be picking up the book on your shelf that you’ve been wanting to read for three years. Or it could be buying that book you’ve had your eye on off Amazon. Or maybe you have a friend with something that you’ll like.

Take all those answers you found in step 2 and cultivate them into what you’re looking for. People who read have recommendations. A lot of recommendations. Find a reader you trust, explain your answers to them, see what they give you. Or have them give you their best rec even without your answers. At the bookstore I worked at, we all collectively recommended this one book. It was outside the genre most of us read, we’ve never read anything else by this author and it’s not something we chased, but it’s the best goddamn book I’ve ever read in my life.

I recently sent it off with my nephew’s girlfriend. She’d never read anything like it, wouldn’t have picked it up on her own, not even that great on the genre (suspense and thriller). Couldn’t put it down and raved on it afterward.

Readers usually have that one book that everyone will like. Or that they won’t put down. Find those. I promise. Find those and you’ll be reading books again.

[tomemyxmen2017-blog]

The Best (and Worst) Free Comics of FCBD 2018

Of the fifty-two comics released for Free Comic Book Day 2018, there were an unsurprisingly high number of excellent comics in this year’s class. Here are my picks for the best of the best (with a few dishonorable mentions too) from the many choices available this year.

THE BEST

10. BERLIN by Jason Lutes (w, a, c). (Drawn & Quarterly).

Set in 1928 Germany, a journalist and an art student meet on a train to Berlin; when they arrive, the young student is surprised by what she sees, and the journalist must navigate a changing climate for the press. Narrated in part by the main characters’ writings (his reporting and her diary), this street-level view of Berlin prior to the rise of fascism is masterful and cinematic. Even in this preview, the sense of menace and dread to the events that are to come in the story permeates every page. Absolutely genius. Part of a series written over the past twenty years, this FCBD release promotes the hardcover omnibus of the series due for release in fall 2018.

9. STRANGERS IN PARADISE by Terry Moore (w, a). (Abstract Studios).

The issue opens with an exciting pickpocket scene in which Scott, a generic business type, has his phone and SIM card stolen. He later contacts his wife, Laura, to tell her that he’ll be late coming home and why, prompting Laura to stoically retrieve her run bag and leave home for good. The phone thief heads to Laura’s house to discover she’s already gone and runs into Scott; the thief reveals that “Laura” is actually Stephanie Kelly, a Parker girl caught up in treason and espionage. This is a dynamic, fully realized introduction to what seems like a fun and exciting story loaded with intelligent, powerful women kicking all kinds of ass.

8. ULTRA STREET FIGHTER II #1 by Ken Siu-Chong (w), Hanzo Steinbach (a), Marshall Dillon (l). (Udon).

Trying to shake off his dark side, Ken meets with Ryu to fight through his worst urges and achieve some balance in his life. The pair travel to Japan for some high-level meditation (and fighting, of course), but that only gets Ken so far. Later in San Francisco, Ken is surprised by an attack from Rufus, and during the battle, he learns to control his evil within. Although this comic attempts to apply drama to a fighting video game, the result is fun, colorful, ridiculous, and delightfully entertaining. What more could you want out of a Street Fighter comic?

7. SHADOWMAN by Andy Diggle (w), Stephen Segovia (w), Karl Bollers (e). (Valiant).

Alyssa and her guide Isiah explore the swamps of Louisiana at night, searching for the cause of cursed water that’s making locals sick. She encounters a monster, the Grinder of Bones, and tries to use magic to protect herself to no avail. She runs, and summons Papa Legba for guidance: in return, her friend Jack, now the Shadowman, appears from a portal to help her in her fight. With gorgeous artwork, beautiful coloring, and a plot like nothing else on the stands right now, this issue draws readers into this world so effortlessly that it’s hard to imagine someone reading this issue without being fully engrossed and wanting to pick up the whole series. Terrifically well-done.

6. THE GHOST IN THE SHELL by Max Gladstone (w), David Lopez (a), Nayoung Kim (color), Jodi Wynne (l), Alejandro Arbona (e), Ben Applegate (e). (Kodansha).

Major Kusanagi (aka Motoko) and Aramaki are intercepted by an American Ghost Force Squad while on a business trip to Shangai. After her arrest, Motoko dramatically escapes through the streets of Shangai and meets her old wartime enemy, Li; the pair must work together to save Aramaki and others. This issue, part of an upcoming anthology, is perhaps the most complete, cover-to-cover, issue released on FCBD. At a whopping forty-five pages, readers are treated to an entire story that is exceptional all on its own. This is a fabulous issue that will convert even the most stoic of non-believers into fans of this character and this series.

5. RELAY by Zac Thompson (w), Andy Clarke (a), Eric Bromberg (st), Donny Cates (st), Dan Brown (color), Charles Pritchett (l), Mike Marts (e). (Aftershock).

In this sci-fi story, a space traveler lands on a planet with an undeveloped population and offers them “the Relay,” a monolith that creates uniformity in technology and ideas. Is it intergalactic socialism, or will it be intergalactic fascism? The Relay seemingly destroys community identity and cultural heritage with a new sort of religion: ultimate fath in the monolith itself. This is an expertly paced and well-rendered metaphor that gives sci-fi fans something deeper to ponder.

4. MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS by Kyle Higgins (w), Ryan Parrott (w), Digo Galindo (a), Marcelo Costa (color), Ed Dukeshire (l), Dafna Pleban (e). (Boom!).

This one takes me back! Chosing to advertise its best-selling series, Boom! strategically used its FCBD option to bridge the gap between fans of the old TV show(s) and the current comics mythology, hoping to draw in readers who may have been overwhelmed by the thousands of different Power Ranger characters and their convoluted origin stories and missions. This issue is a straight-forward explanation of how the first episode of the original TV series connects to the comic storyline today, with some surprisingly awesome artwork and a shockingly murderous ending. The issue concedes its childish origins, but by the end, these aren’t your kids’ Power Rangers anymore!

3. AVENGERS by Jason Aaron (w), Sarah Pichelli (p, i), Elisabetta D’Amico (i), Justin Ponsor (color), Cory Petit (l), Tom Brevoort (e). (Marvel).

This issue, frankly, defied my expectations. As the official free preview to Marvel’s “Fresh Start,” there was a lot riding on this issue, the release of which coinciding with yet another reboot of the Avengers in the same week and a blockbuster weekend for the House of Ideas at the cinema a week prior. And it did not disappoint. In a direct follow-up to last year’s Marvel Legacy #1, Odin meets with Black Panther in the ruins of Asgard. Odin explains that he has fallen to Loki and his manipulation of a Celestial and requests that T’Challa kill Loki; he agrees. The story ends in another scene with Captain America and Thor reaching out to Tony Stark for a meeting between the three of them as a new Avengers era begins. Rather than using its FCBD offering to pump in half-assed action, Aaron instead tries to win new readers over with a well-told and interesting story setup. It is refreshing to see Marvel return to storytelling in its flagship series rather than resort to the redundant tropes of its recent past. Very well done.

2. JAMES BOND 007: VARGR by Warren Ellis (w), Jason Masters (a), Guy Major (color), Simon Bowland (l), Joseph Rybant (e). (Dynamite).

On a mission in Finland, 007 hunts down 008’s killer and exacts gruesome revenge. Later at MI6 Headquarters, M is assigned to take over 008’s case load, setting up a story that is simultaneously exhilirating for new readers and faithful in spirit to fans of the classic Bond. With darkly exquisite artwork throughout (particularly the Helsinki scene) and a character whose charm radiates off the page, it’s hard to imagine any comic fan not falling madly in love with this series.  Originally published in 2016, this issue and the rest of the story is already available in trade.

1.BARRIER by Brian K. Vaughn (w), Marcos Martin (a, c), Muntsa Vincente. (Image).

No comic in this bunch left my jaw on the floor and mouth agape quite like this one. In this exquisite story, Liddy discovers signs of a Mexican cartel using her land, which happens to be on the Texas-Mexican border, as a throughway for drug trades and illegal immigration. In a parallel story, Oscar migrates from his home in Honduras to reach the U.S., crossing onto Liddy’s land in the middle of the night. She finds him and holds him at gunpoint suddenly the pair are interrupted. It’s a contemporary story involving gruesome violence, cartels, guns, and sci-fi. Half the issue is in Spanish (a language deficit won’t detract from your enjoyment of the issue), and the entire book – at an impressive fifty-three pages – is elegantly printed in landscape format. The artwork is phenomenal. The writing is incomparable. This is simply a perfect comic book from cover to cover. Frankly, I’m shocked it was available for FCBD as it’s well-worth a cover price. I recommend this enthusiastically, and I can’t wait to pick up the whole series this month. An exceptional beauty of a comic.

THE WORST

3. SHADOW ROADS by Cullen Bunn (w), Brian Hurtt (w), A.C. Zamudio (a), Carlos Zamudio (color), Crank! (l), Charlie Chu (e). (Oni Press).

In this deeply convoluted introduction presumptively set in the late nineteenth century, we meet Henry Grey, a Native American and a Cambridge man who visits the British Museum of Natural History’s new Native American exhibit with remorse and perhaps disgust. He meets an elder at the Museum who gives him a magical ceremonial dagger carved from bone that ultimately lights up. En route home, his train passes through a Crossroads where Abigail Redmayne and Kalfu intercept him and bring him to the New Mexico Territory. What causes this issue to fail – aside from the onslaught of new characters to learn and an unexplained mythology to understand – is that by the issue’s end, we are no closer to knowing why any of these events occur. Why does Abigail bring Henry to New Mexico? What is so special about Henry? What’s the point of the glowing dagger? While a free comic book should purposefully leave questions unresolved to entice readers to find their answers in subsequent issues, this romp is sadly too obscure and complicated to elicit any interest.

2. AMAZING SPIDER-MAN by Nick Spencer (w), Ryan Ottley (o), Cliff Rathburn (i), Laura Martin (color), VC’s Joe Caramagna (l), Nick Lowe (e). (Marvel).

Facing off against America’s greatest threat – the Manhattan real estate market – Peter Parker and his buddy Randy look for an apartment when they are interrupted by a fight with Boomerang, Electro, Rhino, and Big Wheel. After a quick costume change, Spider-Man battles them all until Kingpin intervenes. Despite the Mayor’s apparent gratitude for Spider-Man, Peter drops his professionalism instantly and leaves the scene. Later, Randy and Peter settle on a new three-bedroom apartment with a third roommate: Boomerang himself. From the ludicrous dialogue, the boring trope-laden plot, the cartoonish graphic design, and the overall neutering of Peter Parker’s character, this was a deep, deep disappointment for me that goes beyond this single issue; if this was meant to be an advertisement for the new Amazing Spider-Man series, I’m afraid it did more to turn me off than on. In addition, despite picking up all fifty-two free comics on FCBD, this issue is the only one with running ink and cheap printing errors. Oh, Marvel. Why do you do this to me?

1. TANK GIRL by Alan Martin (w), Brett Parson (a), Warwick Johnson-Cadwell (a), Jonathan Edwards (a), Brett Parson (l), Martin Eden (e). (Titan).

This was perhaps my fault for setting my expectations too high. Having never read a Tank Girl comic and only vaguely understanding her origins from nineties samples and the Lori Petty film, I was expecting a post-apocalyptic badass who breaks the fourth-wall and uses ingenuity, humor, grit, and charm to fight the Man. Instead, I got an insufferable cutsey-wootsey romp about a woman face-punching an adult man after he ruined her birthday big wheel when they were children. In between this awful plot’s progression, vignettes either drawn by a child or rendered to look like it had been drawn by child are too annoying to attempt to read. The only enjoyable bit of this comic was the cover by Jamie Hewlett, who should have done the interiors as well.