#i realized this in the middle of us watching the episode last night and i'm still reeling a little HAHAH

[ktempestbradford]

A Story for Star Trek Day

I've told this story on Twitter before. I tell it every Star Trek Day and whenever a Deep Space 9 anniversary rolls around. It's about me and Avery Brooks (aka Best ST Captain Benjamin Sisko).

The college my mother went to specifically started recruiting top Black students in the 60s. Due to this, the Black kids all mostly knew each other as they were in that same program. Avery Brooks went to the same college and they were good friends.

(She once told me he had a huge crush on her and I was like MOM. MOTHER. WHAT. HOW COULD YOU HE COULD HAVE BEEN MY DAD.)

Anyway, many of the students in this program remained friends long after college. So over the years as Avery was getting TV gigs & such we would all watch cuz he was my mom's friend & I thought that was the coolest. There was one particularly fun night when my best friend's uncle, Frankie Faison, guest starred on A Man Called Hawk. TWO people we know on TV!

When I was in middle school Avery was touring his production of "Paul Robeson" and it came through our town, so I got to see him perform in person (awesooooome) and meet him for the first time since I was a baby (which I did not remember, of course).

Now, backing up a little bit: I am a Star Trek fan because of my mom. She loved the original series and I remember being a wee Tempest in front of the TV watching The Wrath of Khan and us excitedly going to see Star Trek IV together.

I watched TNG from the instant it appeared on TV because of her. I watched all of The Animated Series even though everyone looked "wrong". (Man... it took me 4 months to realize that dude in the red shirt was Scotty cuz I'd only ever seen movie Scotty.)

Then... they announced Deep Space 9.

We heard Avery Brooks would be the commander and there was MUCH rejoicing around our house. DS9 turned out to be the best Trek ever and, of course, Avery was awesome. This was around the time my mom dropped that "he had a crush on me but I wasn't interested" bombshell.

I'm still bitter.

I mean, I love my dad he's great. But SISKO COULD HAVE BEEN MY DAD.

I lost my mom in 1999. She was--and I'm not exaggerating--an extraordinary woman and beloved by many. I received so many beautiful messages of condolence from her friends all the way back to those college years, including Avery. So many people remembered her fondly. <3

I kept watching Star Trek and often talked to her as if she was there during episodes. She would have LOVED Discovery. Especially since she took me to RENT the year I started college. I'm sure she would have shared my opinion of Enterprise as well. But she loved her some Scott Bakula, so she would have watched, anyway.

I got the chance to interview Avery Brooks at DragonCon back in 2013 (jeez, it's been almost 10 years omg). Before the interview, I went up to him on the Walk of Fame and I said:

Hi, I'm (name K stands for) Bradford, I don't know if you remember me...

And he looked up and said: Of course I remember you.

We talked for a bit and I asked if I could come back and interview him later and he said yes (he wasn't supposed to; his handler had A LOOK). I didn't want to hold up his line, so I said I'd see him later.

Before I could go, he reached out for my hand and squeezed it before saying: I loved your mama, you know.

And we just stayed like that for a few seconds, missing her together.

...I might have been trying very hard not to burst into tears.

That DragonCon was the last time I saw Avery. Barring an extraordinary circumstance, that's probably the last time I'll see him in person. I'm glad we got to have that moment together. And we had a great conversation!

His contribution to Trek has meant so much to me. SISKO4EVA

And I'm glad that it's another tie between me, my mom, and Trek. I can't watch DS9 without hearing her voice giving color commentary. Even the episodes she didn't live to see.

I think Star Trek is part of what gave her hope for the future. She passed that on to me. ❤️🖖🏾❤️

Happy Star Trek Day to all who celebrate.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - The Stand-in Stands Up (all puns intended)

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

June 2024 Week 1

Ongoing Series - Thai

My Stand-In (Fri iQIYI) ep 7 of 12 eps - I do enjoy that the other Joe’s past is now coming back to haunt the present. For our Joe, the hits just keep on coming. Meanwhile, I know my heartstrings are being intentionally tugged, but I did feel sorry for Ming in this episode (at the last). And I think Up is doing a great job with this frankly difficult role if he can make me feel anything approaching sympathy for Ming. Ming's breakdown was excellent. Very dramatic.

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 6 of 12 - These two are entirely boyfriends who just don’t happen to be dating. It’s Schrödinger’s relationship. It's crazy that these two are already sleeping together and I still can’t wait for them to kiss. Very nicely done. Good tension point. This was a really cute episode but nothing much happened.

In other news, the sound effects REALLY bother me in this show. It might have been in the running as a 10/10, except for those fucking sound effects.

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 10 of 16 - I like how the majority of this show is just basically struggling with first love. It’s strangely sweet and innocent as a result. Frankly, right now, I need that - it’s comforting. It’s not exciting, but I can’t deny that thi is the highlight of the middle of my week.

Peem to Phum = use your words. Phum = SMOOCH. 

Bet you all heard this one coming: NO SINGING. 

Note: Satang (Toey) is a fantastic actor. I love the way he changes the physicality of his body for his roles. In this part, he’s kind of loose-limbed and floppy. He doesn't look younger but the way he inhabits his body does.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 1 of 12 - GeminiForth (AKA G4) are back and glory-be they showed up on YouTube. Still I’m worried it won’t stay there after the Cherry Magic debacle. So I stayed up late that night to gank it. 

Back to the show.

One of the things I’ve always loved about this IP, is how genuine and decent and earnest all of the kids are. They’re all trying so hard not to hurt each other's feelings. It’s all just a terrible case of miscommunication. G4 are perfect casting for these roles. That said, I have the same challenges with this version as I did with the JBL - it’s a bit frenetic and can be clownishly too MUCH for me. 

Meanwhile, the he feeds strays trope has popped up again. 

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - Trash watch here. MAME warning! I found it rather lacklustre and inoffensive but still managed to invent dildo smores.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) eps 3 of 12 - Honestly? I’m kind of enjoying watching the friendships develop between the housemates. Of course I know they’re probably gonna all end up sleeping together, but right now the communal easy-going companionship and teasing is the most fun. Other than that, this is an unremarkable Thai BL pulp with better than normal acting and consistency (for a pulp).

Only Boo! (Sun YT) ep 9 of 12 - Moo is the clinginess boyfriend in the entire universe. The thing I think I love best about this couple, and the show, is what great communicators they are. That said they are not great actors. I don’t mean to be rude, and I don’t expect great acting from my Thai BL, but it’s a little rough going sometimes with this pair.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - It’s taken me a long time, but I finally realized what I dislike about this show. It’s the pacing. Or rather, the lack of it. And I’m not saying that the pacing is necessarily off, in fact this is a typical JBL thing. But for some reason, in this show, I find it particularly annoying.

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 5-6fin - Honestly, this was a perfectly fine little friends to lovers BL, with better than average kissing from Korea. But for some reason it never really hit for me. The very end was extremely odd. A bit of a disappointment for a longer piece from Strongberry. I think they tried to be too classically BL and that is just not their strength-berry. Strongberry is better when they explore something a little edgy, or a little outside the box. 7/10

It's airing but...

The Last Time (Fri YT?) - Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something. Can't find it.

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ???) 10 eps - also I can't find it. Comments from last week suggest this is not my thing anyway, but Lee Long Shi very much IS my thing, so... maybe I'll put it on hold for a bit and y'all can let me know.

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS. How?

You Made My Day (Thai YT) - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard. Apparently it's cute but basically a 10 min advert.

KWill To Reunite With Seo In Guk, Ahn Jae Hyun in Comeback! For those who don't know the MV for his song Please Don't is a heavy hitting shock tactic BL adjacent piece featuring major Korean actors. (The closest we are likely to ever get.) Look it was a BIG DEAL at the time. Kinda like Kpop's Broke Back Mountain moment. More here:

I don't often report on the Kpop scene but this is very interesting.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

June Releases

6/14 Let's Eat Together Aki and Haru 2 AKA Aki wa Haru to Gohan wo Tabetai 2 Haime! (Japan movie Gaga?) - Continues the (frankly) lackadaisical story from part 1.

6/15 Sunset Vibes AKA SunsetXVibes (Thailand Sat iQIYI) 12 eps - Star Hunter + MosBank on iQIYI for 12 weeks? If nothing else it's gonna be a wild and sexy ride. A one night stand but "uh-oh he’s my boss," adapted from a web series. I’m game. Maybe it’ll have a better story than Big Dragon? Maybe it will have a plot? We can but hope.

6/26 The Rebound (Thai Weds VIU?) - MeenPing are back in their 3rd BL together, a basketball based romance (Meen was a national basketball player, so yay for that). I like this pair better than most (I still do miss Meen with Est but Est has a fantastic looking new BL coming from GMMTV so yeah...) Anyway I'm up for a sports romance starring a man who, yah know, actually played that sport so... I'm game (pun intended).

(Speaking of, why can't Est be a merman? This... I ask you?.)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Flipping stellar side couple Wandee, thank you.

Love the mains too of course.

This is that funny little unnamed (muli-named) BL/GL something from Korea that's happening on YouTube right now. It's cute! I guess it's falling under the moniker Fake Buddies.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity

@rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[acciocriativity]

PAYBACK - JYH

Pairing: actor! Yunho x actress! reader

Genre: fluff

Warning: the boys being absolute menaces

WC: 1,0 k

Ateez Masterlist

Payback (IT ISN'T OVER)

You both are currently on the dorm's couch, side by side, barely holding hands, an innocent scene for the common eye and yet...

You could hear the high pitch giggles from Wooyoung and the quiet whispers from Seonghwa and Yeosang that weren't as discreet as they thought they were.

"Ignore them, they are just excited for the first episode", Yunho's voice was soft against your ear and he pecked your temple, holding your hand tighter.

"No, we are like this because you're being so mushy today and it's freaking out Jongho", Hongjoong said and pointed to the youngest disgusted face.

Now everyone laughed, including you.

It was a universal truth that being affectionate in front of 20 something dudes with a mentality of 5 was a challenge, but they were easy on you, at least most of the time, not the same for Yunho tho.

You know the moment you get out the door, they'll be ruthless and in all honesty, you were a little bit excited to hear what they would say after this, it always gives you a good laugh.

Yunho was smiling big and he proudly put a hand around your shoulders, which earned another round of laughter and pocked comments at you two.

Yunho shushed them the best he could. He was used to the teasing and it didn't affect him at all anymore.

The days that he blushed furiously and hid his head on your shoulders were long gone.

"I want to watch this today, will you all be quiet now?", Yunho said louder this time.

It was only when Seonghwa put on the first episode of your new drama on Netflix that they got quieter.

In the middle of the episode, you were laying on Yunho's shoulders and you tap his arm, now his shiny bright eyes were on you and it never failed to make you feel special and loved.

"Hm? What is it, love?"

Did he just call you love that nonchalantly? Ok, it's not time for that. You can freak out later, because that was the first time he called you a pet name.

"Have you told them?", you mouthed to him.

Your heart was running crazy, but you were way too good at acting unfazed.

You were busy in your own head, you didn't even realize the effects of his own words on himself.

He grew hot under his sweater, his ears red and he thanked all of the gods above, the room was dark enough that nobody would notice.

He wasn't planning on letting slip at all, even though he called you like that all the time in his head. He wanted to be romantic for once and say it in your 100 days anniversary, now the plan was out of the window.

"No", he almost forgot his embarrassment as he remembered his revenge plan.

You weren't used to seeing that mischievous smile on Yunho's face, but you did hear stories of what happened to the boys when it appeared.

You didn't know what it was this time, but it was going to be great, so you waited.

And waited.

And waited.

It was the last 10 minutes of the first episode.

Your characters already met in a very questionable situation and you almost forgot what was about to happen.

In your defense, it was late in the night, almost 1 A.M. and Yunho's comforting arms were making you sleepy after a long day of reading scripts and having meetings with your manager.

There wasn't a beautiful soundtrack behind your characters' scene, it was on purpose, they were supposed to just talk over some drinks and still...

"You have to be kidding me", Hongjoong looked at you both with a betrayed and disgusted look.

"I'm gonna vomit", Jongho made a gagging sound.

"He's changed now, he is not the Yunho we knew back then", Seonghwa had his arms crossed with his focus on Yunho.

But Yunho was more than pleased with their whines and complaints.

"IS NOT OVER?", Wooyoung got everyone's attention back to the screen.

The pure shock on their faces when they saw Yunho's character hand pulling up his own shirt in full HD was a sight to behold.

At this point, you both were already giggling.

They indeed cheered, screamed and freaked out when Yunho's abs got some screen time.

You were paying big attention on your boyfriend's reaction.

He was smiling so wide it must hurt, but the tint on his cheeks gave him away.

"Wow, he worked hard on those", Seonghwa applauded.

"Respect, respect", Yeosang said.

"You've been hidden that from us this whole time? I thought we were friends?", it was Wooyoung this time.

They weren't in a sane state of mind to think, but if they were, they would assume it would end there, it was supposed to be a soft romance nonetheless, at least that was what Yunho told them.

You felt a little bit embarrassed when your character also took off her shirt, thanks to the camera work, only your back was visible.

There were gasps, and louder gasps when the scene didn't stop once again.

" You're both evil, EVIL SNAKES", Mingi threw a cushion on Yunho, and another and another.

You were full on laughing now, Yunho right with you.

"I'm gonna wash my eyes with acid", San said, leaving his shocked state and went to the kitchen, being followed by Yeosang.

The scene ended with both of your characters making out in a hotel bed.

The red logo was frozen on the TV.

"You fucking backstabber, how you didn't tell me that there was a scene like that?", Mingi almost squealed.

He was one of the reddest in the room, you just couldn't figure it was pure anger or shyness

"I'm never going to sleep again, this is going to be plaguing me with nightmares", Seonghwa whispered.

"We are friends, but I really did NOT want to be this close with you, Yunho", Hongjoong said.

"That was a payback for your teasing, next time keep it to yourselves and you won't need to watch any more of those scenes", he was full on smirking now.

"THERE'S MORE?", San yelled, perplexed as you both laughed once again.

A new wave of chaos started.

"Should we tell them where the scenes are?", you whispered to him in the middle of another wave of chaos.

"I don't think they learned their lesson yet. "

You started to like this smile of his a lot.

Reblogs are highly appreciated. Thank you for reading! (^o^)

[thegeminisage]

wow it is star trek update time. last night we watched ds9's "blood oath" and tng's "journey's end," which is one of the strongest quality ricochets we've had yet.

blood oath (ds9):

okay, so the summary said "three klingon legends" but what i didn't realize is that they were all REAL KLINGONS FROM THE ORIGINAL SERIES

i have to pain this picture for you, whoever is reading this. the three klingons in this episode appeared in "errand or mercy" "the trouble with tribbles" and "day of the dove." like, they really came back to reprise their roles almost 30 years later. i'm going to paste a picture but uhtw 60s blackface

now, if you're a tos viewer, you may recognize that fella in the middle as also having played the titular squire of gothos in. "squire of gothos." now, as an episode, i find "squire of gothos" to be pretty mid, but there is one specific scene that really did something for me. to me? it did something TO me. what it did to me was send me off the fucking deep end, i wish i could convey the depths of my madness with human words

(still screenshot grabbed from this infinitely more amazing gifset, give it up for @maulthots for enabling me, no literally please go through her gif tag and reblog her gifs)

anyway, before my good and wonderful friend so kindly made this gifset for me, i did maybe sit in front of my pc and replay the clip upwards of [mumble] times a day because i was very, very unwell. when i watched this scene for the very first time what happened to me in that single instant was the bone-deep realization that james t kirk (tos and aos) ate fascists on tarsus iv, probably, and he'd fucking do it again because nobody tastes better than a fascist! i wrote an entire fanfic about it, sorry for the spoilers.

what does squire of gothos and tarsus iv have to do with ds9? well first of all every star trek episode is secretly about tarsus iv so jot that down

but secondly, i've watched this clip so many times i have to hide my face when this man shows up in trouble with tribbles. now, i'm not so good with faces, but i KNOW THAT VOICE. but i know him AS the squire of gothos. i frequently forget entirely that he also plays a klingon, so i didn't recognize his name. so when i heard the squire of gothos's voice come out of a random klingon's mouth in ds9 my immediate kneejerk reaction was "no i am hearing things that can't be--" BUT IT WAS. i PAUSED the episode so i could look iy up, realized that the guy in the drunk tank was kor or "do you have a tongue you will be taught to use it" fame, and then to my eternal glee, kang shows up next

i remembered reading once that kang came back later and i was like ??? no one comes back later on tos BUT HE DID! I JUST HAD TO WAIT FOR IT!!!!! mystery finally solved...........

once i recognized them this episode was a blast. absolutely loving these 100 year old klingons getting ready for a rip roaring rampage of supercentenarian revenge. i was VERY sad that they died at the end but at least presumably they all died together (didnt see the last one go down but im just assuming he lived long enough to eat the albino's heart and then die)

(the albino is a really funny concept by the way like he's not even albino he's just a white klingon)

other notable things about this episode: firstly, quark hiding behind odo at the beginning. classic. secondly, dax actually being a good fighter ?!?!?! and finally, a true passing of the bechdel test where dax asked kira some alarming and upsetting questions about killing people and kira immediately took her aside and MADE her talk. i love. Women. and also women who murder people. i support womens wrongs.

i even love that the ONE time sisko doesn't back up one of his people it's for a good reason (doesn't want the 27yo reincarnation of his father figure to die on a klingon suicide mission)

10000/10, absolutely stellar ep, zero complaints

journey's end (tng):

oh boy.

just about the coldest bucket of fucking water...

you know, we tried to give this episode the benefit of the doubt actually. we were like "maybe this was progressive in 1994. i mean they ARE saying that moving these guys forcibly would be bad" and i mean like what would we know about what was progressive in 94? we were 5. so we checked and um i don't think anybody liked it in 1994 either

devastating that THIS has to be a wesley episode bc i wanted a better sendoff for my boy. "i had a vision and now i'm leaving starfleet" and yes they said the word vision in the most derogatory way possible. jesus christ

TRAVELER ALIEN RACEFAKING? HE PRETENDED TO BE NATIVE AMERICAN TO GIVE WESLEY THE VISION? and then he was like haha don't you know all that stuff is fake. (picard earlier in this episode "i am sooo respectful of your beliefs")

furthermore when picard was like "oh yeah this guy blames me for the crimes of my colonizer ancestor" girl at no point did he say that. idk if white people should go around accusing other white people of white guilt so i don't say this lightly but jesus christ captain picard can you tone it the fuck down buddy

i came across a gifset today of picard from season 5 (idr the episode) going "starfleet doesn't want officers who blindly follow orders sayign you're just following orders has been used to justify too many tragedies in our history" and then smash cut to this episode where he's like "well i tried but yeah i'm gonna have to move you sowwy :/" like good lord.

anyway it's a bummer these last few eps of tng have been less than great bc ik tng is capable of good episodes and i was hoping this series would go out on a high note. but it's going to end the same way it began with us waiting for something good to happen and throwing popcorn at picard

TONIGHT: ds9's "the maquis part i" and tng's "firstborn." i am Braced. for trouble.

[yuseirra]

Ch 155 review:

woke up in the middle of the night and wrote ANOTHER huge bulk of a post, I'm having so much fun with this but maybe I should return to drawing persona fanarts again because I.. I'm pretty hopeless regarding mysteries but!! Here are my sincere thoughts about the latest chapter in more detail! I should really keep quiet till things clear up more. I believe so, but it's been really fun to hop into an ongoing series

This was originally written in a different language, then later translated through chatgpt. Chatgpt is so cool; ah I'm really sorry about what it does to the environment though; I won't use it a lot;

I hope to write quality content for those who love this work. That's how I feel. Haha. Well, I find it difficult to write forcefully, so at least I can say that I'm writing based on my affection. I'm not writing to get recognition(although it'd be nice).

Ah~~~.. Hahaha. For this episode's development, I realized how foolish I am because I forgot about Nino! But honestly, how was I supposed to know? That character, broadly speaking, might have contributed to Yura's death, but there was no indication that they did anything related to Goro's death. I don't watch many mystery shows, so when I made a plot guess last time, I dug a hole for myself in another post:

What I can't predict is what's going to happen next. There are too many variables and too much undisclosed information. As new information that hasn't been revealed yet comes to light, it makes it really hard to know.

Just like that.

The first emotion I felt after seeing the chapter was "?". What is this?? What are they trying to do?? And then, I felt really sorry for Ai. There's no sane person around. The person who definitely contributed to her death is her ardent fan (though I think even the term "fan" is too generous for that person). The suspected instigator is her ex-boyfriend or a colleague from the same group... there's really no one she can trust. Even though Ai hid many things and didn't show her true feelings and lied, it seems understandable, doesn't it?

I don't have any major speculations about Nino, but what I've understood is that the character "worships" Ai with some very twisted feelings. If there's a character who wants only the good sides of Ai to be shown to the world, it would be this one rather than Kamiki.

When I delve into analyzing the characters' emotions related to the story, I felt the part that needs explanation is Goro's death. Since Goro's death happened before Ai's death, the interpretation can vary greatly depending on whether it was intentional or just an accident. While many might focus on Yura's death, which is indeed very important, at least you could attach some psychotic criminal's delusional reason to it later. For the case of Goro's, however, it'd mean that there might have been someone other than Ryosuke already working against Ai behind the scenes before her death happened. Whether there were more people dissatisfied with Ai and her children other than Ryosuke is significant in determining how much it contributed to Ai's death.

I've been watching all along, but it didn't seem like Kamiki was involved in it, so I was confused. So, I think we need to sort out this part. This character doesn't seem to have much aversion to the fact that Ai had children, and there doesn't seem to be any reason for him to. From the moment he referred to Ruby as "indeed our child" in his first appearance, I got the feeling that this character recognizes the twins as something resulting from him and Ai, something between them, and doesn't view it so negatively. In that short sentence, there was a faint sense of affection. He doesn't seem to dislike being connected with Ai in one sentence, and the fact that there are children between them doesn't seem to be a bad thing from his perspective. You might think I'm overthinking based on one short sentence, but it's not just that; overall, his attitude when he actually appeared in front of the twins doesn't give any sense of dislike. The clincher was when he casually mentioned in chapter 153 that he has a father's heart. I thought, oh, this must be right.

Therefore, if Goro's death wasn't just an accident, I don't feel that this character would have any reason to harm Goro, who tried to protect Ai and their children and ensure their safe birth. (It could be explained as him being petty and harming Goro because he didn't like anyone else being close to Ai, but I think that's highly unlikely.) However, it still feels a bit off to think that Ryosuke acted alone to hide the body and everything else related to Goro's death.

If Nino were involved, it might make things clearer in this regard. But I don't know how insane Nino is (though She seems to be in very bad shape). I think there was some truth to the psychology of Nino that Kana portrayed...

B-Komachi, which was her and Ai's group, was going to perform at the dome, right? Which means Ai's career is shining even brighter even further. So what would this character gain by harming Ai at that point?

Ai did have a desire to reveal things about herself, though. Maybe this character wanted to stop her because he knew she wanted to expose things about herself and stop being the perfect idol worthy of worship?

From Kamiki's perspective, I think Ai revealing things about herself, especially if it was before the dome concert, might not have been such a bad thing. When the children were about four years old, he still wanted to get back together with her. If Ai had said, "I want to try liking someone, and I have children," then his career might have been ruined by the scandal but he might have been happy thinking, "Oh, Ai had feelings for me to that extent." She's THAT important to him, I believe.

But for Nino, it wouldn't have been the same, would it?

What keeps coming to my mind now is this lyric from Mephisto:

叶かなわないならばあなたになりたい

"If I can't make my wish come true, I want to become you."

Could it be that Nino wants to be like Ai, or even become Ai herself?

She's the one who's expressed her desire to be her (as portrayed by kana in ch 136)

Even if you view Mephisto's lyrics from Aqua's perspective, it doesn't seem like Aqua would say, "I want to become Ai." Of course, it's a powerful lyric expressing longing, so it resonates strongly emotionally. But their genders are different, their fields are somewhat different, and while Aqua seems to have a longing for the entertainment industry, he also tends to deny it.

Or it could be this: Seeing Nino's erased all the other members except herself and Ai in the poster, (she didn't erase her own existence) perhaps she might believe the one to be beside Ai is her and her alone? That might be how she thinks. :/

Adding one more suspect broadens the possibilities, but it seems like Akane and Aqua will explain everything on their own, so waiting might be safer. My guesses probably aren't going to be correct anyway.

What I can talk about more is Kamiki's reaction. Although it was a very quiet reaction, in some ways it was stronger than I expected because he accepted Ai's words completely. From his perspective, he was receiving a message he couldn't have imagined for fifteen years. There was no negative reaction like "No way, she's lying." He simply accepted, as in "I didn't know this," and remained silent.

In another post, I wrote my predictions for him like this:

If the songs are clues and there will be some kind of conflict in the future,

Just as Aqua has been doing things for Ai for years, this character might have been doing things too, and it's probably almost complete. His mindset is that as long as he accomplishes this, it doesn't matter what happens to him. He was planning to meet Aqua and see his daughter once before turning himself in.

But when he realizes that Ai, whom he truly loved, actually loved him back, he might feel like he's losing his mind.

There was a line he couldn't cross, thinking, "Okay, let's not do this," but now, having seen the video, he might cross it. Because he misses Ai so much and she's so precious to him, now he really wants to save the person he loves who also loved him (it seems like he's doing something to save her/see Ai again. Otherwise, the songs wouldn't be like this).

If he thought Ai didn't love him, his feelings (assuming he didn't intentionally kill her) would be guilt, obsession, and love-hate, so he wouldn't have any energy left. Because he has no attachment to himself, he'd have a resigned attitude like, "Alright, let's do this and die," and that's why he easily decided to turn himself in and show up in front of his children.

But if Ai loved him and actually wanted to be with him all along? Then if he was doing something for Ai, he wouldn't be able to give it up. So while he still has no attachment to himself, he might suddenly gain the energy for more extreme actions.

(I'm a bit disappointed that I couldn't accurately predict all the emotional reactions.)

Instead of "losing his mind," it seemed closer to sinking and submerging... It looks like he was someone who could have understood Ai well if only he had the right opportunity.

But I did get it right that he wants to do something for Ai.

Actually, the speculation I wrote above was a bit extreme, thinking that, since it's a manga, the development might be more intense. So, it was a scenario that I didn't really think would happen! Considering the character's personality, I thought he would suffer greatly. That's as far as I thought (with the current information revealed, I'm still withholding much judgment about this character).

But he seems so precarious. I'm worried he might be found dead somewhere... I'm still questioning whether he's someone worth worrying about,

But I don't think it's zero possibility that he'll end up being a very pitiable character.

He's saying he'll do something for Ai, but what could that be? He himself is determined, but Ai is already dead.

Even if Ai has become a star and is watching over him, would she want him to struggle? If he really killed her, she wouldn't want him to do anything invoking her name as a murderer. But if it's truly a misunderstanding, then she wouldn't want him to suffer anymore.

The video Ai left contained a message asking Aqua and the others to help this person, so I think the latter is more likely. Although the video was recorded a long time ago, this is a manga. The timing of when a message is revealed is important to the development. Since this story has come out in the final chapter, I think there might be a situation where the main characters end up helping him...

No but, if Aqua just let this person go, and if Kamiki turns out to be a murderer, that could be extremely irresponsible, right? Even if he let him go, shouldn't he have recorded the conversation and reported it? He should have recorded it and reported it, but maybe he couldn't report it because it happened when Kamiki was a minor? But wouldn't he have been around nineteen when the kids were about four? Is it something too ambiguous to report? Still, the next story that gets mentioned involves at least three deaths. How can he calmly, perhaps leisurely, discuss with Akane that Nino(and him) was involved in the deaths of three people? You never know what a criminal might do if they're cornered mentally.

He said he was going to do something for Ai. If that something is killing people, then it's dangerous for Aqua to just let him go. But since Aqua did let him go, it seems like he doesn't think that's the case.

So, the theory that he committed serial killings to ensure no one surpassed Ai is probably incorrect.

Additionally, there's no mention anywhere of serial killings actually happening, right? It could just be those three deaths. That doesn't mean he's not a murderer. If there had been serial killings of celebrities, it would have been mentioned in the story, right? There should have been some hints, like someone saying, "Hey, this actor who was doing well suddenly disappeared," but I don't recall anything like that. It would have been better if there had been at least some hints. Everyone naturally speculated that he might have committed serial killings to ensure no one surpassed Ai, and based on the way the scenes were portrayed, it did seem that way. But since it hasn't been mentioned so far, it could be that such events never happened.

The mention of bearing the weight of lives came up when the Uehara couple died. Kamiki was very distressed, saying, "Do I have to bear even that?" He seemed to be thinking that because of him, Ai died, and so did the Uehara couple, and now an actor has died too. He seems to be self-deprecating, thinking, "Yeah, someone else died because of someone like me." His way of speaking is really strange though... Is there a reason why he feels he needs to elevate the value of his own life?

When I saw the lyrics of "Fatal," I thought, "This is it," because it hints at "something that needs to be filled." What can fill the void? As the lyrics suggest, "a lack of Ai", it seems to be Ai. If you look at the song alone, it’s about wanting to revive someone he really wants to see, right? "Mephisto" is the same, and since it's a double hit, I thought, "Ah, then that's it. That's why he's moving."

あらゆる望のぞみの総すべてを叶かなえたら　ああ果はたせたら

"If all wishes are granted, if they come true,

あなたに会あいたい

I want to meet you.

星ほしに願ねがいをかけて

Wishing upon a star"

Anyway, stars are important. I noticed that stars appear quite often in the manga.

When I first heard "IDOL" and sometimes when I hear certain songs for the first time, I feel an overwhelming rush of emotions. It's a really amazing and exhilarating feeling.

However, if I listen to the song repeatedly, that emotion dulls, and I become less sensitive to it over time.

When I first heard "Fatal," I felt an immediate and intense sensation. It was as if someone was desperately searching and longing for something immensely significant. As soon as I felt that emotion, I instinctively thought, "This must be it," and it struck me so strongly that it became the reason I've been writing a lot lately.

The songs from Persona 3 were like that too. However, while Persona 3's songs had a warmth that supported the heart, a sense of resolve and determination, the songs from this manga feel like they are heavily spiced with MSG. The intensity of the emotions is incredibly fierce and strong. So, I often find myself wondering, "Is this okay? Is this okay?" But then I realize, yes, this is the kind of emotion being conveyed. It's raw but in a different way.

Considering the emotions that have been flowing so far, I felt strongly that Kamiki must be the one that's being depicted. Does anyone else feel similarly to me? Haha. So, I was just observing till that point, but then I couldn't help but dive in, thinking, "This has to be it."

These days, there are so many horrifying, disturbing, and distressing news stories, and it feels like the sentences given to offenders only add insult to injury for the victims(it's very short and light here). I hate it so much. I wish the term "dating violence" would disappear; it should be replaced with another term because that's not love.

So, while watching the developments in this manga, I feel like... I really don't want to empathize with or sympathize with the perpetrator, even in fiction. I understand that fiction can be separate from the reader's morals and I respect that, but when I think about the emotions between the characters in this manga, it doesn't feel like it's the same as those horrifying real-life cases. I really hope it's not. I'm not looking for it to not be like that on purpose; it's just that something feels off...

When watching the scenes with Ai's video, at first, my heart ached, but as time went on, I kept thinking, "Kamiki, you better get your act together." If this character has done things worthy of criticism, I absolutely don't intend to condone those actions even a bit, and I believe they should pay for their crimes!

But I think it's okay to wait and see for now? Am I really the type to get easily fooled? Haha. Still, I believe I have a good sense of understanding when it comes to emotions... I got Aqua and Kana right, and maybe that's why I got excited and gained momentum. It was exactly as I thought, for their case.

Well, we'll have to wait and see. I'm going to stay quiet for now. But if I'm going to draw fan art, I need to have a clear understanding of the emotions, which is important to me. If I can't predict what this character is feeling, I can't touch it.

Kana is really great in this regard. She's a character who doesn't need to overthink, so it's really comforting. While everyone else is complicated and holding secrets, leaving me to wonder "when the heck did you find out about that?" having new conversations among themselves, Kana is relatively easy to understand... what you see is what you get.

Or Ai, since she's shown almost everything (there's one video left), I might be able to do something with her too.

I liked the character Akane because of the profiling scenes. It didn't feel entirely like someone else's business because I do some degree of psychological analysis on the characters I handle. So that could maybe be why the range of characters I can manage isn't that wide depending on the genre. I usually focus on less than 5 characters and examine them REALLY deeply. The types I can understand and handle well are quite distinct for me. However, I want to dive deeply into the characters I do handle.

To create proper fan works, you need a lot of pieces of the puzzle. I might end up being off the mark, but I'm still doing it seriously when I make fan work!

I'm very happy when I hear good comments regarding such area :) I really want to do a good job. For now, I will stay on watch and see how things play out for now.

+

I thanked chatgpt :) :) aw they're nice (although they don't have feelings they've been helping me from rewriting things twice)

[cannibal-nightmares]

okay ghost story time. im not even prefacing this as "grain of salt: im psychotic" cause this is not that. and if it is, well, fuck, it's entirely out of my realm.

a month or so ago I had vaguely made a light-hearted and goofy one-off post about how hard it is to write out a check while hallucinating. I had gone to a realty office to put down a deposit on an apartment, but as I got into the lobby, things were kind of distorted in a way I can't articulate accurately. There was a sort of frequency racing through my head that was making it hard to focus; I thought I was just anxious taking the leap in signing moving paperwork, etc, and when I was writing the check, I was hallucinating so bad I had to redo it three times. I kept seeing colors and lines and energy in the lobby, idk, it's difficult to explain, but these are also the auras I get before it rains, so I really didn't consider much of it.

Today, I went to that office to pick up my move-in keys. Hooray! One step into the lobby and... Same thing. Instant feeling of something. The edges of the walls and the countertops frayed. Etc. Still, I didn't immediately think anything of it, I mean, I'm literally about to move, how nerve-wracking. I was told by a representative to go into the other room and wait for her there while she gathered paperwork; I did, and glanced out into the lobby to prepare for her, and there was a tall-ish white man with big khaki pants, a dark navy cardigan or windbreaker, and a light dress shirt. And, of course, he fizzled into thin air and glitched out of existence. "Great." I thought. "That's just great." I knew it was getting bad, but I didn't realize it was that bad already. But then... I considered... I didn't feel scared or doubtful... The representative came in and sat down and I thought, fuck it, I'm a bit manic, I hate small talk, let's just cut to the chase: "Are there ghosts here?" The change in her eyes. "...Why do you ask?" I wasn't about to tell this lady that I was hallucinating, so I just said something along the lines of, "The energy is different..." and also, "The energy was different in the same way last time I was here, too." She chuffed and told me, "It's funny you should mention that..." and she proceeded to tell me about how someone had recently passed and that they kept hearing strange noises while alone in the office, that the energy was off ever since, that they kept hearing swishy-ish pants walk down the hallway. She continued to tell me that her, herself, worked in some sort of organization in finding... missing people? and that she could feel presences sometimes? She tried to prod for more details from me, but I was being vague in the same way she wanted me to be specific, neither of us wanted to put ideas in the other's head.

This isn't the first time this has happened. Another namely instance includes when I had one of my major episodes of psychosis while I still lived with my parents. Long story, but I was going through it, and going through it hard, and at this time i still had no idea what was happening in my head, so I didn't have the resources to make sense of it. The short of some of the more surface-level details included feeling like I was being watched, that there was someone in the room, etc. I am not going to get into further specifics for the safety of my audience. But... What didn't help is that my dog at the time would randomly get up in the middle of the night to stand in the middle of the living room to bark at nothing. I never made note of what times he would do this, but maybe I should have. I eventually moved out and, with time, that episode finally subsided for a while. A couple years later, I visited my parents for Thanksgiving dinner, and they had invited their next door neighbor over. She was chatting about the tenants who had previously lived in our house before us and how it was an older couple, how the husband was brought home from hospice in a hospital bed in the middle of the living room where he then passed...

Too, I had helped my friend's parents move into a new house, except I kept seeing a little dog dip around corners. I didn't make outward note of it because I'm literally schizophrenic. Some time later, their mom mentioned stories about seeing a "ghost dog."

I used to visit another friend of mine in which I always felt a presence near the ceiling of his living room. I didn't say anything about it. He moved apartments, and, still, every time I visit, there's the presence, un-moving and high up near the ceiling. One day, he told me he had been seeing a spiritual therapist who said that he had someone from his family looking over him, but that he didn't believe it...

At work, some of our electrical sensors go off randomly. My co-workers have joked that there's a ghost in our building, and I thought it was silly-funny, too, but... Sometimes when I'm standing in a specific part of the main room, there's always someone who approaches me from the right, to the center of my vision, then disappears. I haven't given it too much thought since my head has been so fuzzy lately, but, long story, we've been having temporary out-of-town management come in to run the store. I can't remember why I brought it up, but I asked the manager at the time if she believed in ghosts, followed by the often, "...Why do you ask?" I told her about the person I kept seeing and she about collapsed with relief and said, "Thank god you've said something, I thought I was losing my mind hearing and seeing stuff in this place."

So, now, what do I do with this information? And then what does that make of all of my other delusions, hallucinations, and paranoia? (/mostly rhetorical) And, too... What do I make of it now that it's raining out? The icing on this cake, to interject, is that my grandmother on my dad's side was a medium.

This stuff is slippery. Here's a short comic by grendel-menz that I resonate with regarding schizophrenia and the blurred erasure of spirituality. Huzzaahhh

[becauseimanicequeen]

Pride Month Watch: The Warp Effect (ep 5-6)

My thoughts on episodes 1-4.

Starting the 5th episode with my favorite pair in this series.

A visually pleasing scene with that light in the middle of them, btw.

Yes, sir, you are indeed. Good for you. Good for Joe. Good for us.

Who is pissy that his best friend has a new best friend?

You tell him, Ew.

That moment when you run into your first sexual partner (even though you don't remember it) and your former fuck buddy and realize they're friends (and hate your guts)...

Golden!

I feel bad for Jean, though. She's clearly uncomfortable in this situation. What the hell did Alex do to her? Don't tell me she got pregnant and had to deal with that on her own. Or maybe she got slutshamed instead (which is more than possible since she's a girl and this world is fucked up)? Or both? I'm sure we'll find out sooner or later.

I'm sure Kat planned this somehow...

And I love how catty she is, doing it right in front of Alex.

Oh, lord, give me patience...

Dude, she didn't pick up the bat for PMS reasons, she did it to avoid your persistent advances. I'm not surprised she has to resort to threatening him with violence to get out of a situation that's verging towards sexual assault, though... It's sad that it's required, but not surprising.

I don't usually hate because there's enough hate in the world already. However...

Sometimes dinosaurs like this show up, and it takes a lot for me not to lose my shit. This isn't the last time we'll see him, is it?

Nope, he's spewing his shit again. He's so far up his own ass he doesn't even realize his opinions are (or should be) extinct.

Go out into the world, touch some grass, educate yourself. Please, Mr. Dinosaur. For everyone's sake.

Yes, Mollie!

I love them so much!

I approve!

This is the best thing Alex has done so far.

And this is the worst...

Just when I had started to like Alex a little bit...

Btw, did they use the condom he got from Ew? If not, pregnancy is possible (I'm not sure how available birth control is in Thailand and if it's easy to get your hands on the morning-after pill). But I'm also getting the feeling the repercussions might've been more emotional after that scene. It can be a mix of both as well...

Everything Mollie says is relatable...

Some people know what they like and stick with that to 100%. That's great for them. That's not me, though. I fall for vibes rather than a specific type (age, gender, nationality, whatever). Always have, and always will (most likely). And that's okay too.

Seriously...

What's with these boys and public spaces?

And here we have the reason Joe wasn't so happy to meet Army again...

No wonder Joe was pissed. Especially considering Army was the one who initiated this. You better make it up to Joe. For his sake. And for mine.

Damn...

It's leaning more toward unprotected sex.

OMG!

The way I fucking cackled! I love this grandfather.

The red text, though... And those drops (or is that supposed to be sperm?)... That's ominous...

Btw, when is Alex going to go find Jean and ask if she's okay after that night and the rumors that are spreading? He's climbing up the hierarchy, living his best life, while hers is going straight to hell...

The way Jean is keeping calm when she says this:

Shows how much EI she has compared to the teacher who wants to put all the blame on her. At the same time, it's heartbreaking to watch. Jean has every right to be fucking pissed, but she holds it in.

(I've already used up the image limit, so I'll just write for the rest of this ep.)

Oh, there's Alex. Finally.

I can't believe Jean was suspended!

I'm glad she lets the anger out. And I'm glad Alex hears it (even though it wasn't directly his fault that the rumors started, only because he wasn't smart enough to check if someone else was in the bathroom and could overhear him and Ew).

Now we have some (all?) of the backstory of how things went to hell (both in Alex and Jean's case as well as in Army and Joe's).

I'm switching over to a new post so I can add more pics. Let's go!

[hells-favorites]

The Red Light (Episode 4)

Dante wakes up groggy, realizing he fell asleep at a bar. He and Nolan prepare for a trip, discussing their pasts along the way. They stumble upon a burnt building, presumably Typhon's hideout, and find a letter revealing Dante is Typhon's son. Placing a gem in a hole in the wall, Dante summons Typhon, who reveals his demonic features. Typhon offers Dante a choice to join him, and Dante agrees to save his life. They meet Typhon's right-hand man, Mercury, and are directed to sleep in barracks for the night.

. Dante awoke with a groan.

"Great, you're awake," said Nolan, the source of the door opening. "You're fucking heavy, you know that?"

Dante responded with nothing but another noise of complaint.

"I had to fucking carry you up here. You fell asleep at the bar. And after one drink? That's sad," continued Nolan, tossing Dante's bag to him.

"Hey, hey. I'm not a fucking light-weight. My head was full last night."

"Yeah, full of shit," joked Nolan.

The two prepared for their trip with breakfast from the tavern, talking over whether or not it was a good decision in the first place, Dante still groggy from waking up.

Eventually they headed out, having bought steeds off the island they set out. A few hours of riding passed when Nolan went to ask Dante a question only to be met with silence. Nolan yelled a bit louder and Dante startled.

"What do you want, Nolan, I was sleeping."

"Sleeping?" asked Nolan, gesturing to Dante who had been sitting straight up.

"Typhon's soldiers were taught to sleep sitting up on horseback for long rides. It hurts your back like hell-fire but I'm tired."

Dante moved around as though locking his spine up straight.

"Tired?" asked Nolan. "All you've done is sleep."

Dante gave an annoyed sigh, returning to a comfortable sitting position.

"I don't know," said Dante. "I keep having the same dream over and over."

"Of what?"

. Dante explained his repeated dream. How he could never quite see around him, yet he could hear and feel. He explained how one of the men's voices sounded so familiar, yet it seemed a little higher than what he recognized.

Nolan responded with nothing but a noise of confusion.

"Hey, don't look at me for answers," shrugged Dante.

"You're the one tripping balls," responded Nolan.

Eventually the two made camp long after the sun had set. A nice warm fire sat between two sleeping bags.

"What about you?" asked Dante, throwing a few more logs into the fire that seemed to linger just a bit longer in Dante's eyes than it should have. "You asked about my parents when we met, where are yours?"

Nolan suddenly seemed very interested in the floor between him and the fire. "I watched them die," said Nolan. "Shot out of the air by poachers. They came after our wings."

"Looks like both of us didn't know our parents for long. I don't even know who mine were. Hell, I don't even have a last name."

The two spent the rest of the night swapping stories about raising themselves, trouble they've gotten into over the years and stories of escaping jail time. The next morning they set off again.

The ride was long, forest filled and cold but long into the afternoon, their horses started to push through ash. It looked as though a fire had ripped through there years ago, yet the dust remained as a painful reminder until the trees stopped. A large building sat in the middle of an empty, burnt, field. The building itself stood tall but black marks of charred brick remained there.

"Ha," Dante laughed. "The building is bricked up."

Nolan responded with nothing but a face-palm.

. The first room they stepped into was the remains of a bar. Burnt and broken shelves lined the back wall, covered by a countertop covered in broken glass. The room looked like it would have been beautiful in its prime, but now it was covered in ash and debris.

"No-o," complained Dante jokingly. "The beer is broken."

Nolan laughed and made his way to the hallway connected. A door with a broken lock sat cracked open and Nolan made his way inside.

A single chair sat inside, covered in blood with chains hastily thrown to the side. Dante poked his head in after Nolan and pointed to small clumps of fur scattered across the floor.

"Look," said Dante, stepping inside. "It's Cadm's fur."

They had stumbled into where Cadm had been tortured.

"It smells like a dungeon in here, let's go," said Nolan, pushing past Dante to get back to the hallway.

The two headed through the hallway to a glass spiral staircase that seemed to be held up by a large ram's horn. Quickly, they made their way up and were met with another hallway, this one crested off with a door that had a sigil of a ram with a crown: Typhon's sigil.

"Is this where we're supposed to go?" asked Nolan, kicking a few doors open.

"Well, we came for letters didn't we? Those would be in his office and I assume that's it."

The door at the end of the hallway flung open with a kick. The room looked as though it had been ravaged. It was clearly where the fire started as it had the most black ash and broken furniture. The smell of blood lingered in the air from two dried puddles of blood, one beside a chair, the other in the middle of the floor. But most eye catching was a hole in the wall with ripples of red covering the surrounding wall. But Dante's mesmerizing was interrupted by Nolan opening a letter on Typhon's desk. A letter from a man named Mercury was inside. The paper detailed the following:

"Typhon. A few nights ago, as of this letter reaching you, I found your son. He had evaded our search for nearly two weeks though now he is under my watch. I am still keeping my distance like you asked, but I was able to see that the burning worked, there is no trace of your horns. The boy grew up normally, at least physically, and has kept everything from the elf side of him, though he does not have your eyes nor does he seem to resemble you. Listening in on the boy's conversation I can nearly guarantee that he has no memory of you and does not know of your relations. Also while watching him I discovered he has kept his first name, the one you gave him, but he doesn't seem to know his last name at all, he just believes he doesn't have one. Along with this letter are a few pictures of him as of now.

I will keep an eye on him for as long as you want me out here, though you and the capital would be a welcomed sight. -Mercury."

Immediately, Dante snatched the envelope from Nolan and flipped through the pictures. Slowly Dante spotted himself amongst all of the photos. Mercury was following him. Which means… he was Typhon's son.

. Immediately Dante's face shot to the hole in the wall as though it was forced to move. Dante eyed the hole for a few seconds when he realized the gem he had plucked out of the roof in Port Damil was the same shape and size.

Dante plucked the gem out of his bag and made his way toward the wall, stopped only by the quietest noise: a tiny, wicked laugh. Regardless he shoved the rock into the hole in the wall. Dante's head was yanked back by an unseen force, but the pressure only came at two small points on his head. For a split second Dante swore he could see a man with a twisted grin who's facial features could only be made out by the red glow of his eyes. Seconds went by before he regained control of himself and put the gen into the wall. A wild laugh rang through the room as the silhouetted man appeared behind Dante, now visible. The man had two ram horns atop his head. His face was spotted with dark brown facial hair, not much longer than stubble. Adorned on his lower back was a long red tail that reached to the floor with small serrated spikes along the top. Out of Dante's head sprouted two curling ram horns, identical to the man's and an identical red tail. His eyes focused on the person standing in front of him. There standing before him was Typhon Morningstar. His father.

. Typhon cocked his head to the side. "Even with your horns, you look nothing like me." His voice seemed to be laced with malevolence.

"What the fuck?" stuttered Dante, backing away from Typhon.

Typhon smiled, a thin and pointed grin, revealing dagger sharp teeth like a gash. He looked like a monster. "Why don't you want to talk to me? I thought of all people, you'd like to talk to your father. Unless you hadn't figured it out yet?"

Dante continued to step back, catching himself on a chair.

"No? You figured it out. But who told you? Or did you go snooping through my letters?" Typhon nods as he glances at the desk full of papers with eyes that felt like daggers. "Smart. Now which one of you came up with that?"

Still, Dante and Nolan remained silent.

"Now," said Typhon, stepping towards Nolan like an ominous drum beat. "Which side were you on? Mine or Axom’s?"

Typhon took a few more prowling steps forward when he stopped in his tracks. "Not one for choosing sides?" laughed Typhon, with a mild shock.

"How the fuck did you know that?" Nolan covered his wrist with his hand, fear creeped up his spine.

. Typhon's smile grew just a little bit wider deepening the darkness in his eyes. "I can see your tattoos. Hell, you could be wearing steel and I could see who is on my side. I normally grab your wrist to show you that I saw it. But you, you caught me off guard."

Dante caught his breath. He'd been backing up to the wall since Typhon appeared and could barely make sense of his surroundings. He swore he could even hear a bird chirping all the way into the top floor. Typhon's words hung in the air like nooses.

"How the fuck did you know I'd do this?" asked Dante through battered breathing.

"What? You've never felt like someone's watching you?" Typhon took in a long, satisfied breath. "Well, I guess you have your answer. I've watched since I died, pushed you in the right direction as a ghost. And I didn't exactly have my right-hand man with me to bring me back, so I relied on you. So now what do you say? You wanna join your own family or do you want to keep running around with these pests?"

Dante looked at Nolan who was already looking back at him.

"If I say no, he'll kill me," thought Dante. "I've never had a father. I don't want to die. And I'm curious, maybe this will be fun. He's a powerful guy, maybe I'll be powerful too."

"Fine," growled Dante. "We'll join you."

. Nolan shot him a look of both surprise and fear.

"Good choice. Now, there was a reason you both went to all those towns. Where are those gems you got from the elementals?" Typhon stepped over to Dante, who was no longer pressed against the wall.

"Here," said Dante, scooping the gems out of his bag and giving them to Typhon.

Typhon took the gems and walked over the second blood puddle, the one next to the chair. He knelt down and placed the gems together in the puddle. Little flames poked out of Typhon's hands, melting them together. The blood reached up. Human hands formed out of puddles and clawed their way into a pile. The souls of the damned reached up forming the shape of a human laid flat on their back, wrapping around each other until they started to change color. There on the floor laid a man with short black hair that flowed like the curl of a wave decorated by a dyed gray streak at the very front that reached just above his eyebrows. His right eyebrow was affixed with one small slit. A human.

Immediately the man shot up to his feet, a gun pointed at Dante. Typhon set the edge of his tail on the man’s foot and he dropped the gun back into its holster.

"Dante, Mercury. Mercury, Dante," introduced Typhon.

It took a few seconds of staring for Dante to realize the man was Typhon's first-in-command; a man he had worked under in the war.

"We can talk in the morning a bit more. There are barracks just outside, you can both sleep there," said Typhon, gesturing for Nolan and Dante to leave.

[antisocialxconstruct]

I didn't like Cyberpunk: Edgerunners but I can't think of a clever heading

Okay every time I come back to work on this my thesis changes a little bit so I'm just going to start like this: full disclosure, I went into Edgerunners mostly out of morbid curiosity and I was prepared not to like it very much. I have no real love either for CDPR's game or for Pondsmith's source material, and this show would have needed to bring some pretty show-stopping, foundation-shaking ideas to the setting in order to win me over. It did not do that. That said, also in the spirit of full disclosure, there were moments where I did find myself genuinely kind of enjoying watching it. It's a good looking and well-acted show that has some high points, especially around the middle of the series, although in the end they mostly just leave me wishing that those high points could be transplanted into a different, better story.

(Also I will be spoiling major plot points as well as the finale. Read at your discretion.)

Ultimately, I was never going to actually, genuinely like Edgerunners for the simple fact that I hate "cyberpsychosis" as a concept. In fact I'm comfortable saying it's by far one of the worst tropes the cyberpunk genre has been burdened with and patently refuses to examine, right up there with the gratuitous orientalism and weird contempt for sex workers. I don't know that Pondsmith was the very first to introduce the idea into the genre, but I think it's safe to say that Cyberpunk (the ttrpg) had enough of a hand in popularizing it to solidly lodge transhumanist discussions in the ditch of "but what if cybernetic enhancements made you CrAzY" for the last thirty years.

Not only is the idea that "psychosis = indiscriminate violence" just pure, uncut ableism (psychotic people are statistically far more likely to be the victims of abuse and violence than the perpetrators), but from a narrative standpoint, assuming that extensive cybernetics are just an automatic ticket to losing your mind and dying in a rain of blood and viscera is lazy. It's boring. It depends on a complete disinterest and refusal to engage with the nuances of individual characters' personalities and mental states, or the way societal bias and pressure might impact someone's perception of themself or other modded people.

The most frustrating thing to me is that Edgerunners feels like it almost manages to actually have something to say on this subject, but I don't think it's self-aware enough to commit to it. The first episode presents us with a pretty clear thesis: the only way to survive and succeed in Night City is to be enhanced; and an equally clear antithesis: being too enhanced will inevitably destroy you. This feels like a potentially really interesting dichotomy, but while these ideas will both prove to be true and central to the plot, it's mostly just in the sense that... they are both true statements. There will be no examination of why, or how those two contradictions interact with each other, or what creates and influences this reality.

And it's not like there isn't room to interrogate this concept in a nuanced way. The kinds of cybernetics most prominently on display in the show are disproportionately combat-focused--things explicitly designed to make a single person better at hurting and killing. So you could argue that the mental degradation could have less to do with the physical reality of being modded, and more to do with the baseline personality required to electively turn your own body into a weapon, or the pressure placed on the human psyche by realizing you now have the ability to kill, easily and indiscriminately, in a way you never could before. But this is not what the universe's lore tells us. If it was, there would have been no reason for Maine (the obligatory seasoned mentor/father figure) to succumb to cyberpsychosis when he was clearly incredibly grounded and invested in the safety and wellbeing of his team, and cybernetically enhanced for the demands of the work he did rather than for the simple glee of violence. If it was about individuals, there would be no reason for characters to remark often throughout the series about the novelty of David being able to withstand the Sandevistan, a single implant that really does nothing more than make him exceptionally fast but is apparently so powerful and taxing on the body that it alone could make the average person into a "cyberpsycho" (ugh). If it was about individuals I would have sooner expected a villain arc from the classmate tormenting David in the first few episodes (whose name I don't remember because he quickly becomes completely irrelevant) who seemed to delight in the sheer fact that he had muscle augments that made bullying easier and more violent.

So maybe the show gets a little closer to saying something about SocietyTM? After all, the first episode does a great job of establishing how utterly desolate it is trying to exist in Night City without money (it's actually one of the few aspects of the show I genuinely liked). Then it's reinforced multiple times that the average person's only choices for survival are the endless grind of climbing the corporate ladder (as David's mother wanted for him before she died) or the endless urban warfare of being a mercenary (as he chooses for himself), with the ultimate irony being that the mercs still work for the corporations anyway. I think I would probably argue that this is the central theme of the story, which ends with David as a pawn in an arms race between two major corporations, which had no real bearing on his life and still rather dramatically, literally, tears him apart. And in the end, he still convinces himself that he chose this, that it was something noble that he did for someone else's sake, rather than something he was driven into both by direct manipulation and by societal circumstances far beyond his control. The corps push cybernetics on everyone, indiscriminately, convince them that it's the normal and desirable way of life, and don't care that they're creating monsters and causing massive and constant losses of human life. It's not a bad premise, and it's woven through the narrative effectively enough that I had to sit with it a bit to piece it together but came away feeling like it came through clearly.

My problem with that is that at best, "cyberpsychosis" adds nothing to this premise except shock value and an excuse for gratuitous violence. At worst, it skews the message into something far more hurtful and less compelling. Capitalist society does create monsters, but it's the ultra-wealthy and ultra-powerful who lose any capacity to sympathize with the rest of humanity. Within the Cyberpunk universe, "cyberpsychos" feel far more analogous to addicts and petty criminals--the idea being that some people just choose to put something into their body that makes them worse, that makes them dangerous, that they're not "good enough" to know their limits, and they should be feared and hated for it. But addicts are people who are desperate, lost, and grasping for any scrap of power and control they can wrest from their own circumstances, even at the expense of their own health and wellbeing, or that of the people around them. They are victims, and creating a universe where their analogues are presented as monsters, as indiscriminate mass-killers who can only be stopped by militarized police aggression, is disgusting.

So, I don't know. Am I asking too much from a 10-episode shonen anime that mostly exists as a video game tie-in? Maybe. But then maybe the 10-episode video game tie-in anime should have focused on something less lofty.

[deathlygristly]

So the kdrama podcast that I used to like so much that I used to subscribe to their Patreon did an episode on Chicken Nugget today.

If you're not into kdramas and/or you didn't watch it, it's a fun little show about a woman being turned into a piece of chicken (not really a nugget but that was the English translation) by an alien machine, and the ensuing adventures of her father and her father's employee who has a crush on her as they try to get her back into a human body.

I was surprised that these particular podcasters were going to cover it, because they generally don't tend to like anything that's much beyond the boundaries of mainstream and acceptably normal. But they seemed to be excited about it and to be willing to actually give it a try, so I decided to listen to the episode.

Yeah, two of them only watched one episode and the third was the only one to finish it, and they were pretty mean about it. Despite asking people who liked it to not be mean to them.

Just personal rambling under the cut.

Then they talked about humor that they do like, and apparently one of them thinks the trope of the show's main couple doing a contrived fall and their lips meeting when they land is supposed to be funny? I've always thought of it as an awkward trope that's a product of trying to show physical attraction and contact in a very conservative culture.

Then they mentioned three shows as examples of humor they like, and I was like oh wow we are completely different and I'm not sure how I listened to you guys for so long without realizing this.

They mentioned Hospital Playlist and Reply 1988, which are by the same creative team. We haven't watched Reply 1988 but we did watch Reply 1997 and the first season of Hospital Playlist, and we were like oh, okay, these people make neurotypical shows for neurotypical people, we don't need to check their shows out anymore. To me and the spousal person, they were extremely boring shows about large groups of neurotypical extroverts socializing with each other, and we didn't get it or enjoy it.

They also mentioned the "banter" between the main couple in Wedding Impossible, which....yeah. We finished it last night and IIRC the spousal person said he'd put it in the "meh" category. Not in the worst shows we've watched but on the lower end. The posts in the tag cover how the gay character was treated pretty well, and the main couple themselves were nonsensical and weird to us. Like why suddenly decide to separate for a year when you were ready to die for each other after one date? None of the dialogue stood out to us, and all I can remember right now is the main dude, who at the time thought the main girl was engaged to his brother for real and not as a beard, telling her that he was going to seduce her? So funny, so smart. /sarcasm

Anyway, yeah, I was correct to unsubscribe from their Patreon and I should probably unsubscribe from the show too. I'll give them a few more episodes though. Plus if nothing else they do provide an interesting view of the thoughts of middle class neurotypical white women about kdramas.

Also an interesting view of where the stereotypical idea of marriage in posts on here comes from, from people whose parents are like the podcasters. Their husbands don't watch the dramas with them or talk to them about the shows much, and two of them shared stories about their husbands being injured and they laughed about it and how upset their husbands got because they didn't seem to care much about their injuries and how they were frustrated because the injury interrupted their drama-watching?

I sent one episode to the spousal person to listen to once a while back and his first reaction was "Do they actually like their husbands?"

Hmm. So on one hand it's interesting social information gathering about types of people that I am not around often IRL but who I encounter a lot online, and on the other hand I can feel myself becoming a hate-listener and I do not like that at all.

[gentle-hero-blog]

Thanks so much for the tag, @floundrickthewayfarer!!

Rules: Post the first sentence in your last 10 works; if you don’t have 10, do as many as you have.

Just a note: oftentimes I'll start writing in the middle of a story just to draft the idea, so...most of these don't make sense as openers lolol

"I missed you every day, Omega," Echo smiled.

This was a fluff fic I started before the last three eps came out, where Echo comes to visit the Batch (Crosshair included!) for Omega's nameday post-season 2. Crosshair's sense of belonging is nonexistent after working for the Empire, and the others harass him with affection till he feels better. Featuring my favorite hc wherein Echo kisses the homies goodnight. (The note above this fic reads: "Those final three episodes are gonna ruin the setup, I can FEEL IT". Yeah no kidding lol)

2. A clone slumped against the wall outside the medical ward, barely a shadow in the dim glow of the night cycle.

A fic set in the early eps of S2, where the Batch is captured by the Empire and Crosshair, but one of them is fatally wounded. The resulting panic causes Cross to cast aside his pride and alliance with the Empire. Intended to be MCD but after the finale idk if I could do that to myself again lol

3. Out of the blurry mess of light and dark emerged a pair of eyes.

A longfic where Echo learns about his new brothers, and his new body, post-Skako Minor. Angst-, Hurt/Comfort- and whump-heavy with abundant eye-themed symbolism and fun metaphors because I wanted to!

4. Many people Echo had spoken to found Tech confusing.

A fluffy oneshot drabble that I wrote immediately after watching the S2 finale. Echo and Tech snuggle and watch The Great Coruscant Bake-Off because I desperately needed to write someone hugging Tech.

5. The book was black and nondescript, carefully looked after, about the size of Echo's hand.

Crosshair's enhancements make him a talented artist. Mostly fluff with Cross + Echo bonding. This one is like 80% complete now that I read it again I think???

6. "Hunter said Tech didn't like being touched."

Another fluffy oneshot where Tech dislikes most touch but loves being compressed as hard as humanly possible (I'm noticing a trend???). Cuddle piles ensue. The title for this one in my wip doc is "Love is stored in the squish"

7. There was something he had heard Cut say to his family, something he realized none of them had ever said to each other.

Fluffy oneshot with Tech + Wrecker bonding.

8. Underneath the tangle of wires was a toothpick.

Tech bottles up his emotions in the days after the S1 finale. Pain, pain, and more pain.

9. "Are you happy with us?" he asked Echo.

A Cross-centric oneshot with so much pain!

10. Now the only remnant of Bumblebee's voice existed in Soundwave's memory files.

And a Transformers: Prime fic out of left field? This was to be the follow-up to the only fic I currently have on Ao3, written from Soundwave's perspective.

This was so much fun! Thanks again for the tag, Tanwyn!!! No pressure tag: @keef-a-corn, wanna give it a shot?

[gideongrovel]

I love when others acknowledge my F/Os being my guys, or just hearing others talk about them just makes me 🥰🥰🥰 no tw,,, im just adding a readmore cuz i don't know how long imma ramble lmao,,

so my brother's been visiting for a couple weeks, and normally we (me, my brother, and sister) watch or rewatch a bunch of shit while he's here,,,, so last night we were doing that but my sister wanted to go to bed after a couple movies, but me and my brother wanted to stay up and still watch something still,,,, so we wanted to pick something our sister wouldn't care if we watched without her,,,, so we decided on C.astlevania,,,,, my brother didn't wanna watch any eps from the third season, i said "we have to watch episodes from the fourth season because V.arney is in it" im pretty sure he just thinks I like V.arney as a character he doesn't know how i ship with him tho I'm not good at hiding my affections, so he probably knows it's more then platonic love of a character *rip*,,,, but my sister who does know that I ship with V.arney or at least know vaguely that i do, from down the hall overheard my suggestion, and was like "I heard he stinks, you can't watch that" (she wasn't being mean she was doing a bit, since we will roast characters eachother like for sillies,,, tho he canonically does smell bad lol)

when i was pulling up the episodes my brother started laughing cause he realized the timestamps are all at random points of each of the episodes,,, and he was like "You have them all stopped in the middle of the episodes, on the V.arneys scenes don't you?" and I just laughed and agreed cause he was spot on 😂 I told him "earlier I mentioned how I had "''episodes recorded"'' I really just meant the V.arney scenes" idk what he was thinking when I said that cause he just laughed and was like "Oh my gosh" 💀 Anyways,,, when V.arney first shows up I'm like "There he is! my boy!" and the next scene when they show him my brother immediately was like "There's your boy" 🥰 and then later on when G.ermain (one of my brothers faves in the show) is going through it, I made a joke saying "Your boys looking rough" he just responds saying "It's your boys fault" 😂 calling V.arney just "my boy" feels very much so like an understatement,,,, since he is in fact my husband, not just "my boy" that sounds more casual,,,,Idc if my brother knows I ship with V.arney,,,, but at the same time idk if I would feel comfortable if he knew I see V.arney as a husband,,,, 😅

But being able to gush throughout the episodes at his scenes, and pointing out details about him has me feeling all 🥰💞💞💖💞💞💞 I don't get to gush about V.arney enough to other people,,, since not all of you know his source, so id feel bad just info dumping, and fandomwise there's hardly any post for him to reblog,,, so I can't do it much as I want to,,,, so it's nice to be able to do for a change with to someone who actually know him,,,, and it's always fun to see others acknowledge my affections for a f/o UwU 💕 Still doing our rewatch so I will mention if anything else noteworthy is said (or if i just wanna post about for myself so I don't forget, like mostly how this post is meant to be)

-

Been so focused on my wife lately,,, so haven't been watching the husbands stuff as much or not as focused when i do,,,,, and coming back after a while,,, gots me in a shippy mood,,,,, I need to draw more ship art of us 👁️👁️ other then the 2year anniversary art the majority of my stuff is from before most of y'all followed me,,,, 😭 i need to finish up an trade I'm working on,,,, after that I can work on something for myself hehe >:3c

[olderthannetfic]

I started watching Beyond Evil after seeing your enthusiasm for it, and I’ve noticed the music often seems at odds with the tone of speech/ actions. For example, at the end of episode 2, they play Feeling Good (big band jazz) while the chief gives a serious speech and again while they show the new victim and Dong-sik’s grief.

Do you know why that is? Like, is there a cultural gap or different genre expectations in Korean dramas? Or is it an issue of the tone not being accurately portrayed by the English subtitles? Or just bad scoring?

Scoring is my favorite aspect of cinematography to analyze, and when it’s well done it adds so much, often without being noticed, but I just can’t figure out some of the choices they make.

--

Favorite aspect of cinematography? ;)

Interesting question. I remember thinking the scoring of Beyond Evil was brilliant. I don't think I noticed it not matching the tone.

I've found that some Asian dramas score in really bananas ways that don't work for me (Kei x Yaku, I'm looking at you and your dreadful song It's a Bop that plays all over all the serious moments for no reason.) But this kind of serious Korean drama usually feels to me like it's operating on the same aesthetic principles as a lot of Western stuff.

If I'm understanding which parts you mean, the song that plays during them is The Night by Choi Baek Ho. It's jazz, yes, but it certainly does not strike me as a happy song, neither in the sound of the instrumentals nor in the vocal quality.

(Unless they re-scored it for some locations? That's always possible on streaming services.)

I assume they decided on some jazz for Beyond Evil because it's a genre that has that same world-weary quality as Lee Dong Sik. It definitely worked for me tonally, though more at the end of the episode than during the chief's speech. The singer's voice feels to me like it matches Dong Sik.

As for why this particular song is under the chief's speech... I'm thinking it might be because of the lyrics. Now that I look them up, they seem melancholy, paranoid, and highly relevant. I think the song may have been written for the show, actually.

Here's the translation from that youtube video written out:

I've been looking for you anxiously. Was it in my dream last night that I passed by you? In the middle of the night, I'm asking you again and again but you're laughing at me. Would that be you?

This dawn when no one is awake I'm walking alone in the thick fog The unfamiliar shadow appears somewhere in the middle of the night. Would that be you?

The faint stalks of that falling flame stuck in the smoke Will I know you before you go away? Why can't you answer me before it's too late? I'm asking you again today.

A black night when no one is awake May the morning when the darkness is cleared never come. In the middle of the night, the one person who wants to be Who is that? Breathe out. In the middle of the night, it's gone far away. In the middle of the night, I don't know if that was you.

I've seen a few other translations that vary slightly, but it's something in this vein.

They actually don't play it under Dong Sik's grief unless we watched different versions.

The music starts with a sting on HJW noticing the body parts. Then tension music starts and plays over HJW watching LDS cry. Fairly standard score builds under the two of them having their realizations or coming to decisions ending with a sting. (Okay, maybe it's a bit heavy on the electric guitars. It didn't bother me though.)

Then there's naturalistic sound during the flashback to the mysterious figure who put the body parts there. The music only starts at the end of what he's doing as the camera starts to swing around with a big crescendo on his closeup.

In other words, this somewhat bombastic song is there for the "Dun dun DUNNNN" twist that is that face reveal and then carries us into the credits.

[causewhywouldnti]

My thoughts as I’m watching 24 seasons of law & order svu:

Season 9

9x01 her waiving her Miranda rights, does not seem legal… it was highly entertaining though. Kathy’s face when Janice talked to her is priceless. Benson and Stabler putting their silent communication to good use is always great. Love the twist at the end!

What order did they shoot these episodes in? Because Benson's hair is very different in 9x03 than it was in the first two episodes…

9x04, those are slow chest compressions… And good on Elliot to admit that his anger isn't helping and that he is not proud of it.

I thought there was something in the pizza box in 9x06, but I was thinking body part, not bomb. That Olivia would be attacked once she got home was pretty clear, but I'm glad that she got her anger under control.

9x07, after Stabler gets his head bashed into the window, he has glass all over his shoulder, which is practically the first place Benson puts her hands. Him panicking after not being able to see is some great acting. Benson looking out for Stabler was really sweet. Also, her catching him when he tripped after court. The confrontation between Casey and Benson: loved that Casey asked her if she wanted the perp tried because of the girls, or because of what he did to Elliot. Benson pretty much confirms it’s about Elliot when she states, "he’s my partner". And later on, where she fully admits that she wanted revenge for him. At least Benson concedes that she was wrong. Sam Waterston is back! The episode also made me realize we don't really know anything about Casey's private life (or I just wasn't paying attention).

9x08, I feel like they could have tried harder to stop the suspect being crushed in a garbage truck.

The kid clinging onto Elliot is really cute in 9x09. Oh, Elliot… that's the worst way the father could have found out that he's not actually the father. Don't get me started on how Benson put that IV in, cause nope. Don't know why, but that birthing scene had me laughing out loud (Until she got Tachy…). The first Benson Stabler hug is everything though!

9x10, Olivia's face whilst Elliot is talking to his "friend" is priceless! Plus, we got our first mention of an iPhone.

9x14 Elliot has a way with words, not in a good way though, yikes. Poor Olivia, the lack of kids is really getting rubbed into her face in this episode.

9x15 must have been the first episode after the last writer strike. The scene in the basement got pretty graphic. Them talking disparagingly about the captain’s size is petty, and I am here for it.

9x16 Tucker's back… yay… Benson saying she would never leak to the media when she actually did that in season 7 and the journalist is still being held in contempt for it (at least I assume he is, not like we got a follow-up). That scene between Benson, Stabler and Moss is so awkward. Also, least romantic kiss ever. That was also a one episode relationship. He wanted to move in, she broke up with him.

9x17, a sheep named Elliot on Morning Joe, well that's new. Munch enjoying himself in the pillow fight is great though. I feel like there's a scene missing. One moment Benson is taking Rook into custody, the next second Stabler is panicking, and then we find out Benson is missing. Stabler's gonna need a new pair of handcuffs.

9x18 did not see that ending coming.

9x19, TV shows always forget, that when you disconnect an IV, there’s gonna be a lot of blood… Not quite sure where the Fin/Stabler conflict is coming from, but here we are. Poor Casey, but probably fair. Lake… never really warmed up to him, but that’s just a sad ending.

Familiar faces: Cynthia Nixon (Sex and the City), Melissa Joan Hart, Jayne Atkinson (Madam Secretary), Aidan Quinn (White Collar), Steven Weber (Studio 60), Shannon Woodward (Malcolm in the Middle), Jarred Harris (Fringe), Ayre Gross (Perlmutter on Castle), Gaius Charles (Friday Night Lights), Adina Porter (The 100), Mark Valley (Fringe), Jeremy Jordan (The Flash), Mae Whitman (A:tla), Braeden Lemasters (House), Meredith Eaton (House), Mark Moses (Scandal), Bailey Chase (Castle), Bill Pullman (While You Were Sleeping), Robin Williams, Joe Scarborough, Matthew Davis (Legally Blonde),

Favorite episodes: 9x01, 9x07, 9x09, 9x12

Favorite lines:

"Try and behave yourself." - Cragen 9x01 (as if that would happen)

"You know, wherever you are, you're almost never more than 6 feet away from a spider." - Janice 9x01 (well ain't that a comforting thought…)

"She’s not supposed to be pregnant. (turning to Kathy) You're too old, I’m in college, people will think it's mine." - Kathleen 9x01

„You took an oath. You don't get to take a time-out because we're at war. Because it's difficult to uphold. The oath was written for times like these.“ - Waren in 9x04 on the Hippocratic oath

"It's my job to look out for him." - Benson about Stabler 9x07

[a-flickering-soul]

(hi it's me, coming off anon. dramatically sweeping off my cloak hood like all the andor characters do when shit's about to get real)

asdjkladfskljlkjads I have been trying for so long to find someone as feral about bix as I am, I am so SO excited to hear you are still talking about her and love her and are also baffled and annoyed with how they treated her character in the last half of the show

ok so bix theory part 1: she didn't tell dedra shit! this is kinda long but i already wrote it all out in this post here (read this one before going to part 2 bc part 2 depends on it)

bix theory part 2: so I realized after writing that post that there was actually one piece of info dedra could have only gotten from bix and that's that cassian was clean-shaven— bix was the only one to see him. but we know for certain that bix didn't give up any info about luthen's appearance, so it makes absolutely no sense to me that she would give up info on cassian's appearance, who she cares about much more.

but then I remembered that line from episode 12— when bix sees cassian, the first thing she says is "I dreamt you came back. you climbed over a wall." now here's the thing. there are no walls where bix is being held captive for cassian to climb over— she's clearly talking about him climbing over the wall into her scrapyard, as he's done many times. as he did right after aldhani. the incident dedra was talking about. so what if. what if.

what if bix thought that cassian showing up in the middle of the night, leaving money, and then vanishing again was just a dream, and that's the dream she's referring to?

they'd messed with her head a lot by that point, having trouble discerning a dream from an honestly pretty dream-like reality isn't too far-fetched. not to mention that bix was still concussed when cassian showed up that night, it was only 6-7 days after she'd had her head slammed into a wall so hard she was visibly having trouble focusing her eyes or staying steady on her feet. combine that with the torture messing with her head and you've got her remembering cassian's visit as just a dream— something she might deliriously ramble about during interrogation because a dream isn't info you need to protect. dedra, however, would realize by cross-referencing with nurchi saying cassian had left money to pay off his debts that the dream actually happened and would use that info.

I know that this is way too much happening behind the scenes for this to be canon that the writers intended but just didn't bother explaining but. it is canon to me. it's canon-compliant and it makes way more sense than bix just immediately cracking and giving up everything except... anything to do with luthen? also bix is strong bix is protective of her people beyond all else the writers did her so dirty in those last episodes justice for bix

(also why does no one wanna talk about how bold and fuck-around-and-find-out her attitude is most of the time? people seem to insist on seeing her as like this strong but gentle soul but like we have watched bix make a run for it while surrounded by a full squadron of armed imperial soldiers twice just because she saw the slightest chance to make an escape, she does not give a shit about the odds she is a fighter to the end. we have already seen a very well-developed attitude of "I am equally willing to stand tall or go down fighting but nothing you can do will ever make me bow to you" from bix and I'm upset to see them just throw that away as soon as it's slightly inconvenient for cassian's plot)

sorry this was so long but bix is everything to me and she lives rent-free in my brain 24/7 and I am constantly brimming with injustice at how they treated her character (and I am thisss close to writing fanfic for the first time ever just to correct those injustices)

This is incredibly interesting and given how careful the Andor writers are, I do really wonder how much of this holds water because a lot of this clarifies acting directions and plot holes that weren't addressed. I love your take on Bix (and it's incredibly compelling as well as more character-accurate than a lot of fanon takes I've seen on her) and oughhhhh I fully support ficwriting because I genuinely think if anyone deserves it it's Bix.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s9e23 do you believe in miracles? (w. jeremy carver)

saw a post briefly that said they loved the gadreel plotline which made me realize i pretty much exclusively complain about this show while continuing to watch and go on about it at length. ultimately, it's because i love sam and dean. and i have a hard time with the plotlines that put a ton of conflict between them, which is like. 2/3 of the seasons at this point it feels like. and sometimes the stress feels earned (like say, dean's deal approaching, ruby, etc) and sometimes .... not so much.

like okay for example, as the recap spins up with carry on my wayward son. this song used to pretty much gut me because of how much emotional baggage there was by the end of the season and i'd usually end up crying my way through most of the last handful of episodes in a season. but the emotional intensity just fell off a cliff. it comes out sometimes between the two of them, but not nearly with the consistency of the earlier seasons. and like i've said before, there's just too much shit (plot) happening, it's teen wolf-esque

SAM Something is wrong with you, Dean. And until we figure out what, this is where you have to stay. DEAN And you two are gonna do what? Take on Metatron yourselves? That's smart. Oh, no, wait. No, you -- you lost your Angel army. And you now you're trying to lock up the one guy who has a shot at killing the son of a bitch! Hell of a plan, fellas!

as they lock dean in the dungeon thing, reminded of this

from s5e18 point of no return (link to my ep post)

DEAN Well, they’re right. Because either it’s a trap to get me there to make me say yes, or it’s not a trap and I’m gonna say yes anyway. And I will. I’ll do it. Fair warning. SAM No, you won’t. When push shoves, you’ll make the right call. DEAN You know, if tables were turned…I’d let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here. SAM Yeah, well…I guess I’m not that smart. DEAN I—I don’t get it. Sam, why are you doing this? SAM Because… you’re still my big brother.

different situation obviously since there's this external thing forcing dean to go darkside, but speaking of emotional intensity

sometimes they have people's eyelines so close to the camera i'm not sure but then lately sometimes it's just this which when it's unexpected it's my brain screeching DO NOT PERCEIVE ME

really good scene between dean and crowley here.

CROWLEY Cain was a demon. Your body's not strong enough to contain the blade's power. DEAN What if I got rid of it? CROWLEY You want to get rid of it?

the way he asked that was surprisingly not mocking. and i mean, if he's involved in dean becoming a demon, or just generally (i don't know how that goes down) - he has a vested interest in dean embracing this. and dean's such a mess it kinda seems like he might just latch on to what crowley is selling, since he's not just angry but vulnerable

SAM Who else would he summon? I mean, he and Crowley have been bromancing over the Blade ever since Dean got the mark.

you've seen romancing the stone, now bromancing the blade

SAM Yeah, I sort of got that. I just thought you might like to know that while you two have been playing, uh, odd couple, your real friends, like Cas, like the angel you stabbed, Gadreel --they're out there right now risking their asses to help you win this fight.

real friend, gadreel? okay. that seems like a stretch there, sammy. maybe ally would be a better word :p

DEAN You mean the angel that took you for a joy ride? The angel that slaughtered Kevin? That angel? SAM Who you let in the front door in the first place. You tricked me, Dean. And now I'm the one who wakes up in the middle of the night seeing my hands killing Kevin, not you. So, please, when you say you don't want to explain anything to me, don't. I get it. And I also get that Metatron has to go. And I know you're our best shot to do that.

i know sam is practical, but he must have quite the cargo hold for the baggage he's stowing

DEAN I'm gonna take my shot, for better or worse. SAM I know. DEAN No matter the consequences. SAM I know. But if this is it, we're gonna do it together.

going down swinging etc

DEAN Listen, Sammy, about, um, you know, the last couple of months... SAM I know. So, before we find something else to fight about...tell me...Are you ready to gut this bitch?

didn't last long

i don't particularly enjoy the weird cadence of gadreel's speech. i can imagine it was easier in a way to have something pretty stark so padalecki and gadreel's actor could noticeably be similar but. i'm real tired of it. oh, well. now he's dead anyway

METATRON Wow, that big blade and that... douchy tribal tat sure gave you some super juice.

gotta meet that dean bloody and beaten face quotient

METATRON Ah. So Gadreel bites the dust. And the Angel tablet -- arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe -- is in pieces, and for what again? Oh, that's right -- to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?

i mean, dean and humanity

i did not know he got stabbed

DEAN What happened with you being okay with this? SAM I lied.

appreciate that, and thank you jared (wiki):

Jared confirmed that Sam was lying in 9.13 The Purge when he said he wouldn't save Dean from dying, and so he changed a line in this episode from "I didn't know this was going to happen" to "I lied".

okay it's that mushy music again! but a woodwind or brass instead of piano. maybe that's what got me so confused, that it's been the horn in the past?? mushy piano in s9e11 and s8e15

i feel like a jerk but this didn't really hit the right emotional notes for me either, similar to the s8e23 handfasting in the church (tl;dr i watched it several times and despite being a wincest shipper i just didn't feel anything)

also.. did they need to reshoot this? the lighting is weird. either the lighting doesn't match the environment because of a reshoot or just poor lighting design choices

and i hate to say it, i've come to love sam a lot and i think padalecki is a better actor than i gave him credit for, but this doesn't feel like his usual more authentic distress :\

back here again

well that did get me a little. borrowing on dean over sam's dead body on the bed in s2e22 all hell breaks loose pt2

and following the thought through of sam being truly alone

did not anticipate the blade bringing him back as a demon, but i knew we got there somehow and that he and crowley were gonna go off on a jaunt