#i really cannot find it easily
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!
#blame Kat for this lmao. she got the Yangchen novels first and I very easily give in to peer pressure (that wasn't exerted. but whatever)#three days earlier than scheduled too. which worked out perfectly bc I picked them up on the way home from grandma's#and carried them for 2 km. 2 hardcover books + the thick cardboard boxset they're in#+ the backpack full of food my grandma gave me#in the rain#I nearly fucking died#I'm not made for this level of physical exercise 😅#okay moving on#nia stop calling things like this poor financial decisions challenge#it cost like. the equivalent of 40 bucks#I have 30 times as much hidden away in my sock drawer#and I am usually responsible with my spending. I'm allowed a slightly more expensive treat every once in a while#also my dad doesn't know but I'm sure if I would him 'hey I spent 3.8k on a pair of books is that okay'#he'd be like 'why tf are you asking when have I ever said no to you spending money'#but again. I do try to be mindful#which is why as much as I want the lok art books and could probably ask for money for them. I won't#bc they cost an arm and a leg and I cannot morally allow myself to spend that kind of money#anyway. getting distracted again#do you know how hard it was to get these? I checked like 3 marketplaces before I did#and I was fully ready to get them in russian because non-classical english books are impossible to come by here#sanctions and all that. but somehow I did. and it only cost half the money in my bank account#I don't even know if Russian editions exist. these books were written before the war and before the gay propaganda ban but still#I didn't find them when I looked. maybe they don't sell them now that the law is in place or smth#I don't really care enough to look it up#the point is. I now own the books and can happily read about best girl kyoshi whenever I want#if the stress for an upcoming event doesn't kill me. that is#also I have read rok before but it was 3 years ago so my memory is vague. and I just realised how much thinner sok is?#I'll have to check the page count later
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omg??? you're nearly 21 and you know how to drive??? like... why lmao? that's so weird haha what? how did you even learn that... what do you mean you "took driver's ed in high school" isn't that like.. expensive... are you a billionaire or something LMAOO. that's so crazy......... so like when are you going to stop driving. like youve gotta at some point when r u gonna do that
[👥 OP added context you might want to know: op is from the united states, specifically maine, which is ranked 45th out of 50 states in the "transportation" category on www.usnews.com. in this region you have to have a car in order to go almost anywhere. op is making fun of the way people express shock and incredulity at his inability to drive.]
#text#'you can just get your permit!' I DONT KNOW HOW. TO DRIVE BRO. I CAN'T 'JUST GET MY PERMIT'#BUT HALDF THE DRIVERS ED COURSES I CAN FIND EASILY ARE ONLINE COURSES#AND IF THER'ES ON THING ABOUT ME IT'S THAT I WILL FAIL AN ONLINE COURSE#'in person courses are boring' would you rather i be bored or would you rather i waste money and get a permit while not knowing#literally anyhting about driving. answer honestly#like i cannot stress enough i WILL NOT absorb ANY information in an online course. none. i will not even finish it#IT'S SO BAFFLING WHEN PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME WELL DO THE WHOLE SPIEL LIKE BRO DO YOU REALLYYYY WANT MW TO DO THAT.#YOU HAVE SEEN ME TAKE ONLINE COURSES DO YOU *REALLY* WANT ME TO TRY. WHEN IT COSTS MONEY AND I WILL NOT FINSIH IT.#BE FR...
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You’re telling me there was a tlt zine and I didn’t apply to it
#I kinda lost all of the places I used to find out about new projects so now I miss literally everything#I mean obv I wouldn’t be accepted to most#but just a few acceptances are enough to have fun#I finished a work for good omens zine recently and honestly? the best thing I did in a year EASILY#I of course cannot be posting it but I REALLY like it
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you ever catch feelings for somebody but you've spent your entire life convinced/convincing yourself that you're fundamentally unattractive and broken in a way that makes you unlovable and unsuited to any sort of relationship, and so instead of just enjoying that extra dopamine burst of seeing them around you just make yourself feel miserable for even daring to feel that way in the first place? or is that just me?
#hhhh i hope this doesn't come across as some sort of “ohhhhh you have to come fix me and save me” bullshit cus that's not it. it's just#i'm sick of my brain acting like this and i wish i could process my emotions in a healthier way#one that doesn't feel like i'm just using them to mentally selfharm you know#or at the very least in a way where i don't immediately think i'm being some sort of creep for daring to find somebody attractive#i just. don't have the self-esteem for it and my brain immediately sabotages even just idle fantasy scenarios#some sort of long-term relationship? god i'm so distant and easily distracted i'd just hurt them by inadvertently ignoring them#something short-term and low-key? well i'll still forget to check in or i'll fuck up some other way and feelings will get hurt#just fuckin? god i hate my body so much i. cannot convince myself that i'm desirable in any way#even if i literally know people who would tell me otherwise and mean it. it's just so deep-seated i think#i think i just have a lot of problems to work on. and i don't really know how to go through that process yet#anyway. this isn't like helpful processing of emotions or anything it's just venting lol#this doesn't even cover the “am i aroace or not” confusion spiral that i've got going on...#it was a therapy day so my brain is already primed to Dig In Deep to everything that hurts#:thumbsup:#vent#delete later
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day seven i desperately need to know where the original of this cap is from cause my blind ass aint seein it in game
#ishin spoilers#spoilers#snap chats#//shaking screen// WHAT SCENE WAS THIS#joon-gi and zhao's promo scenes i could easily find in game#but this one ???? cannot#ive played ishin twice now and the only scenes katsu shows up in this aint there#his introduction scene is an in-game cutscene and that's the only place where this scene could be considering the background#and then his only other scene is where hes being Evil with takechi#and i KNOW this wasnt a shot made specifically for the trailer. I Think#because the og katsu /seemed/ to have a similar sccene ???#at least im finding caps using the old katsu model that have the same BG and posing#i look not only stupid but also insane but i just need to know#i need to know where this pretty as hell shot is from if it wasnt strictly made for trailer/demonstration purposes#..brb he's still pretty im so caught up in wantin to find the og i almost forgot how pretty he is#i also almost forgot how this frog becoems aoki in Y7 jesus christ he really did game end himself to become a nerd
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Unfortunately I absolutely fucked up one of my nails today but also I made my grandma a tote bag for her birthday so I think overall it’s going well
#i’m trying to take care of my nails instead of biting the shit out of them but i tore up my cuticle on my right ring finger#i have a bandage on it but it’s so annoying man#the tote bag.. i Was making socks but i realised i wasn’t going to finish them because socks are boring to make imo#also i just really haven’t been finding knitting fun to do lately. and i know this will change sooner or later but i CANNOT force it#i have to forget that i can even knit for like a few months and then something will happen and i’ll do nothing but knit#crochet is still fine though#so i found a pattern for a mesh bag and i’m almost done making it. i literally just have to make the straps and weave in the ends#i’m not seeing my grandma until like 1 in the afternoon tomorrow so i can finish it by then easily#i am kind of worried about if she’ll like it. i think she’ll like the colour. it’s bright yellow#it’s the fact that she already has a tote bag from the donkey sanctuary and she uses that a lot#and also it’s a mesh bag. i can see her complaining that stuff will fall out#but i don’t think the holes are THAT big#i mean yeah you’d lose a pen or pencil out of these but it can hold your purse and most shopping items#i just don’t think it’s possible to have too many tote bags. i have like. 12. i just accumulate them#also i did also buy my grandma flowers so it’s not like this is the only gift lol#personal
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I think someone put the brain of a mouse or maybe a squirrel inside my head at some point because all winter I was like “I crave nuts and seeds” and now that it’s getting warmer and brighter out my brain keeps going “it’s fruit time”
Like, modern transportation has made it possible to move many fruits all over the world (in theory) all the time! But the primal early plesiadapiform part of my brain is like “you must eat what is available this season”
#I was going to go with euarchonta or plesiadapiform brain but I think the early members of both of those groups were from a tropical#ecosystem. if I’m wrong though and either are from more seasonal environments I could change what I used#actually. wait. plesiadapis is from the late Paleocene. yes. but tropical plants have reproductive cycles too#do they generally vary by season or are they just doing it all at their own pace by species#I am from a very cold seasonal climate that gets hot af in summer but is pretty cold for a good five-ish months#not all equally cold#it’s bad for our environment if it doesn’t get cold as balls for a bit every winter#and we didn’t really get that this winter. but that’s not my point!#I mean to say I can’t remember how it works in tropical environments#if the plants just time their reproduction whenever in the year or if there are seasons for most plants at the same time#does that make sense? I’m using the primate-like-mammal. if it’s wrong then whatever#fuck it we ball#maybe I should have gone with a group further back in time but I couldn’t find climate info easily about things that far back and fuzzier#i am not the most familiar with primate evolution. especially early evolution of the group. I’m open to learning more#i just tend to fixate on certain other things like early mammals and horse and cat evolution#paleontology#emma posts#I like juice all year though#one day I want to try many varieties of fruits that I cannot access easily where I live because they can’t be shipped here#or they just aren’t as popular a variety on an industrial scale#maybe one day i will have a big greenhouse and i will be able to grow the banana varieties I want to try#I can see why some plant varieties aren’t grown on a large scale. some of these bitches are SUPPOSED to be able to grow in zone four but#they refuse to work with me! blueberries make sense. the soil here is nowhere near acidic enough and they would need to be in a pot or#whatever. ya know? but some plants just won’t! or I get them and then the weather here which would NORMALLY work is different that season
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Who do you ship Kafka with?
I ship her with Blade
#this is the first ask anyone has ever send to me :0#asks#i feel like i should expand on why i ship them#since there aren't many ships in hsr i actually enjoy#but i dunno that to say#there is so much#i guess it's mostly the appeal of two people with difficult pasts finding some comfort in each others company#the dynamic of a woman who feels no fear and a man who cannot die is also something that attracted me to this ship#then of course there is the fact that I just adore Stellaron Hunters#they might be my favorite fraction in the game#that one web event where they recreate movie posters#or the fact that they keep stealing blade's phone to text trailblazer if you pulled blade#on the more serious note there is the fact that Kafka can help Blade with keeping his Mara under control#there just seems to be a lot of trust there#since she could easily use her Whisper to make him do whatever she wants#but then in her companion quest she lets Blade go and do whatever it is he thinks he has to before leaving the Loufu#and the fact that she calls him 'Ah'Ren' in cn#which from i understand adding 'a/ah' in front of sb's name is an affectionate way to refer to them#tl;dr: idk i just really like those two
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One thing about me is that if your media has a character who wears a neckerchief and continually without hesitation takes on the weight of the world and tries to do everything themselves so that no one else is in danger or has to suffer, I AM going to form a very strong attachment to them.
#Nancy Drew#Merlin#book!nancy 1970’s!nancy HERInteractive!Nancy and CW!Nancy are all extremely dear to me#book nancy also feels very strongly autistic coded to me#she’s very formal and has rules about how to interact with people#she hates when people try to get away with wronging other people#she can play a role really well but when there’s interpersonal stuff going on in the moment she’s very awkward or straight up ignores it#rip Ned lol#mystery solving is like the ultimate special interest#she gets to try to find the truth#she’s always masking around the people she’s investigating and it’s a lot easier to do when there’s a clear separation from like who you are#she gets in trouble a bunch for like not conforming behaviorally#and all her friends know she can’t even think about anything else when there’s a mystery and the love her for it#I love her so much#now with BBC Merlin holy shit it hurts so much to see him slowly destroy himself#he and Morgana have the most painful parallel arcs#anyway Merthur is so important to me and I see myself in both of them so much it’s wild#I generally cannot easily rewatch the show but it really is Colin and Angel and Bradley and Katie’s acting that brings so much life#definitely so grateful for them and also all fanfic writers ever. I love you all so much. thank youuuu
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#how long can i keep my impulse control in tact before i cave and buy winds of anthos lmao#i have successfully staved off minekos night market but only becuase the reviews have leaned majorly towards bad#i will probably buy it if it ever gets very discounted lol but.....eeegh#a Shame bc i was really looking forward to it lol#woa is like.....a lot of the reviews are good with caveats#but currently i am Bored and when i am Bored my impulse control leaves with its bindle#also like. its monday. im too tired to find another way to tackle my Bored#buying a game and playing it is very easy#I've been thinking about replaying legends arceus but i cannot predict if i will get bored immediately bc ive already played it lol 😶🌫️#I literally do not have the attention span for games but i like games#like if i get bored of a game before i finish it thats the end i will never play it again lmao#paleo pines for example....i opened ariacotta canyon and then immediately my interest in the game died#faefarm also..... opened the volcano area and immediately got bored of the gameplay loop#don't even know what happened to Ryza 2 i just stopped playing and could never go back again lmao#all my attention span is relying on the scarvi dlc which probably wont be out until at least November 😶🌫️😶🌫️#and the hypothetical gen 5 remakes which could easily end up being shit 😭#aaaaaaaaaaa#i need more hobbies babes
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hi sisters its poll results time
take this data for what you will
#snap chats#who kept saying daigo wasnt fuckable on these btw#they were saying that as if the fuckable results were losing 😭😭#its really funny that daigo is simultaneously Apparently more fuckable than ichi but not at the exact same time#and keep in mind only three more people voted on the daigo poll than ichi's yet LMAO#these are actually really funny results analyze these with me#because technically ichi is considered less fuckable personally to people but in general he's seen as more fuckable#while more people would personally fuck daigo but more people- while can concede he's fuckable- wouldnt fuck him#in general tho ichi is perceived as more fuckable than daigo by a wopping approximate 8%#hm..... disappointed in you lot i cannot fathom fucking ichi#i love him but.... well girl i cant argue with the science#but people would agree he isn't personally fuckable.... im squinting but also very intrigued#and again with daigo that one can get more complicated because i know people find Y2 daigo more fuckable/vice versa#sorry still trying to wrap my head around ichi being fuckable SORRY#im a scientist its my job to be objective and unbiased but WOW#AGAIN ITS NOT EVEN THE MORE PEOPLE WOULD PERSONALLY DO HIM IT'S JUST THE GENERAL CONSENSUS IS GREATER#but yeah. that was fun. goofy even#ALSO THIS ISNT TO PIT THEM AGAINST EACH OTHER i just happened to do these#and i dont really plan on doing any more so#as a stats guy i really wish i could easily get more detailed responses#i could do a google forms but i dont think anyones gonna do this again lmao#cant tell if its more respectable to be fuckable but people not wanting to fuck you or to be fuckable and to have people wanting to fuck ya#like if i were to pit these kings against each other who technically wins cause again In General Fuckability ichi wins#but for the audience wanting to bang em...#anyways thanks for participating you get a lollipop as a reward for your contribution
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People call kazumaji one sided and theyre kind of right but i find it so funny to think if majima gets incapacitated one day and kiryu is walking the streets with an unloaded pistol in his belt (bait for frisking) like where is officer majima :(( he said hed be near the batting center ... because hes been so spoiled by the constant attention that when his stalker disappears hes like im so bored and alone ...
#Listen to my problems#i want to think of kiryu as spoiled because hes really been raised on so little .... just an excess of affection though. since hes always#‘the favourite’ i really think he tends to take for granted that hes majimas favourite which makes me fucking scream whenever i think of#saejima (seajima) receiving ALLLL of majimas undivided attention and getting orbited by him and he really returns that love with just as#much force as majima does ... kiryu looks at this and hes thinking Damn ! (bruno mars when i was your man starts playing). i really like to#think of this all the time because kiryu is absolutel and embarrasingly jealous but hes convinced that he didnt deserve all that attention#in the first place and it was kind of forced onto him but he never expected that majima likes someone else as much as he likes kiryu ?? even#more than that actually ??!! logically he knows that you cant just compare love like that but at the same time hes like hmph !!!! and then#spirals into the ‘ill see myself out then since im clearly unwanted’ pipeline#because once again kiryu cannot grasp that hes important to people and double somehow sees himself as easily replaced#its easy for him to help people hes never met of course ... you establish a rapport with a strabger and paint yourself as someone useful#eith zero emotional attachment involved ... but when it comes to your friends and family how do you speak to them :.: thinking avout when#nishikiyam was going to euthanise kiryu and broke down crying becsuse he cant snd hes like i still need you im nothing without you !!! and#kiryu was like. yeah. i feel the same way ... despite already pulling off some amazing stuff by himself while nishikiyama seems to be#stagnating .... use their own words on them because you cant come up with something true and beautiful on your own can you. cant say i dont#feel the same way either ... sorry this was supposed to be bout kiryu finding it difficult to imagine that someone whos established a great#deal of time and edfort in him suddenly takes interest in someone else worse that someone else was his og squeeze and YOURE the ‘other’#woman !! i really think kiryu sees majima hanging off saejima (seajima) and hes like i gotta go. say your last goodbyes yo will literally#never see me again adios. he cant even place the freling of jealousy because he thinks its nonsensical when hes laid no claim to majima in#the first place so he just attempts to amputate himself from the rest of the body and majima is like ?? we havent even had sex yet ??#all roads lead to kazumaji btw#wow i fell asleep before posting this last night but im still feeling it. i was right
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welcome to a new episode of "crisis", today about researching inattentive adhd and trying to find out whether you're being rational or trying to find excuses-
#like i literally cannot tell if i just desperately try to fit into those symptoms so i can research a lil more#or even talk to my parents about it (i mean my mum already suggested maybe seeing a psychologist or sumn?)#or if im just having problems bc information comes really easily to me so i never had to learn to Learn shit so now idk how to study#and i just need more self discipline. and tryna find excuses#im looking at these Common Symptoms and im simulataneously hoping to find myself in there and also hoping so badly that not#welcome to the new struggle in a bonus episode: do neurotypical ppl think so hard abt this? is it just puberty?? Am I Neurotypical???#i cannot tell and its currently driving me mad im sorry#i just need to vent somewhere#a biscuit's rambles#and i dont think my irls would get it#like i SAID i dont wanna self diagnose and just look that places for solutions to my problems but. BUT#idfk anymore#or with stimming. i think im doing that? but idk if ive just let my impulses take over bc Tumblr Influence (it rly does affect my mindset)#or if its like. idk. you know what i mean#CANT THERE BE AN EASY WAY TO KNOW IF YOURE ND OR NOT???#i just. i just wanna know. FUCK now im way too deep into this shit again#these tags are so fucking long lmao#help :')#ANYWAY dyknow how i got back into this crisis? fanfic blorbo with adhd got to me LMAO#anyway. sorry to everyone who had to see this#im just a confused something#also please make puberty illegal i cannot tell what im feeling anymore ever
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abruptly feel like crying about how kind the circulator was last week. she wasn’t even the one I was shadowing but she was so attentive to me and taught me so much, and she was the first person to tell me I was using the wrong glove size and she pulled out like four different types and sizes for me to try on and she didn’t make me feel like an idiot for dropping things. even from last week I’ve come so far, and I want to tell her thank you for supporting me and for teaching me and for helping me be better! but I likely won’t see her again for a long time, if ever
#she disappeared completely after the case was done....myserious#I have her first and last name its not like I can't find her if I really needed to#but now I know...green 6 on bottom white 6 on top.#the bottom one is infused with aloe vera so it feels nice and the top one is grippy so you won't drop anything too easily#though man that blood really makes things slippery#my scrub wouldn't even let me wipe them off this week. I was dying#she also wanted me to arrange my set so differently than I did#she was a great teacher and great at her job but our styles just clashed so much#cannot wait to be able to run my own table#im going to be polishing all those instruments with my downtime#it's a great job for a neat freak#cor.txt
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Was thinking about how Beleval is a black ops agent. To me. And then I was like "haha Black Ops Beleval" and started thinking about what B words the Dawnguard would be
The 🅱️awnguard
Celann: Butcher
Ingjard: Brawler
Gunmar: Beast Master
Beleval: Black Ops
Florentius: Battle Mage
Sorine: Ballistician
Isran: Bulwark
Durak: Bloodhound
Agmaer: Bullrusher
#skyrim#dawnguard#does beleval not seem like a spy to you#just me?????#anyway#s/o to fire emblem cause i was thinking way too hard about what sorine would be#and then BAM shadow dragon revelation#rip agmaer ik i say this like eveey time i mention him but that one incident set the scene#for how i look at him lmao#really does just charge in unprepared#'ha! easily blocked!' (dies immediately to the second cave bear)#that spawned the shitpost conversation that created dodge tank agmaer#but i cannot for the life of me find a b word relevant to dodge tanking#finding a word for durak took the longest though qpjsownsos id even had agmaer done for days#realized hes like a ranger to me so i juat fuxking. started googling ranger related synonyms#internet: tracker -> bloodhound :)#me (tired): yeah sure fine#this has been in my drafts FOREVER im just posting it#throwing it out to sea
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