#i really wonder how much i'd be able to get done if i wasn't weighed down by all these worries

[celadonlonghorn]

running my drawings through glaze to repost them on twitter and wondering if this shit is even worth it anymore

[krirebr]

♠️ Aspec stuff - I hope this is not disrespectful but I'm wondering how you found out? I'm bi and I remember the moment I found out clearly. Everything suddenly made sense and clicked into place. Did you have a moment like that?

Not disrespectful at all!! And my answer is, yes? Sort of? It was a very long journey that ended decisively.

It can be really hard, I think, to define the absence of something, rather than a presence. I only ever had my own experiences, so I spent my teenage years assuming what I was feeling was the same as everyone else. Also, it was the late 90s, early aughts, and we just really didn't talk about queer stuff nearly as much, especially not identities outside of being gay.

Around the time I turned 20, I finally started realizing that my experience probably wasn't what my straight friends felt. I also was fairly certain I wasn't gay. In 2005/6, the only other orientation that was really out there was bi, so I figured that's what I had to be. I mean, it made a bit of sense. My attraction to both men and women was basically the same. I just didn't have the vocabulary then to understand that that level of attraction was 0. But I also always knew that the bi label didn't really fit. But I had to be something!

So I really fumbled all the way through my twenties. I was much happier when I wasn't trying to hook up or date, but that couldn't be ok, right? Everything and everyone was telling me that I'd be happier if I was in a relationship and if I wasn't a virgin anymore. So, every few years, I would force myself to get on the apps, or let my friends set me up with someone and it was always awful. It always made me miserable.

And I was getting really frustrated with this part of my identity still being such a question mark. It was really starting to weigh on me.

So, a few months before I turned 30, I got on Tinder. And it was the worst one yet. I hated matching with people, I hated talking to people, I hated going on dates. Like once, I went out with a guy and on the date he told me he was married and I was so fucking relieved. It meant I never had to go out with him again and I wouldn't have to feel bad about it. 😂

After another bad round of dating, I was talking to my sister about how frustrated I was, and she said, "I just listened to a podcast about this thing called 'asexuality' and it actually made me think about you. I hope that's ok." And that night, I listened to the podcast episode. And it wasn't great - it was two straight, cis, white guys talking about something they didn't really understand, but it pointed me towards asexuality.org and their FAQ and that was my lightning strike moment. It defined not just asexuality, but also aromanticism and I was like "Oh! This is me!" And yeah, that's when everything snapped into place, and everything I'd done that I'd never quite been able to make sense snapped into focus.

It was still a bit of a journey after that to fully define these words for myself. But yeah, that was my moment. And things got a lot better, and easier, and happier for me after that.

Thank you for asking Jaqui and letting me share!! 💜💜

Kris's 700 Celebration

[sunflowerdigs]

The one aspect of this episode I haven't seen much talk about is the way that Buck said "so you're doing it all? Marriage, house, kids" in a way that was supposed to sound happy but wasn't. Basically, Buck was looking at Connor and Wife and wondering "how the hell did my player roommate end up with everything that I want but somehow don't have? What did he do that I haven't done? How is he worthy when I'm not?"

It was interesting (and idk whether to blame sloppy writing or not) that although Buck comforted Connor and assured him that not being able to have kids didn't make him less of a man, when Buck was drunk and his tongue was a little looser, he felt the need to assure Hen that of course he could donate sperm in kind of a macho way. Like, what kind of loser can't pump some viable seed into a cup? Well...Connor can't. So there's definitely some jealousy there, a need for Buck to prove that he has something that former playboy Connor (who has everything Buck wants but can't seem to get) doesn't.

This kind of below-the-belt, frat boy nastiness is uncharacteristic of Buck, which I love because this is something that has frustrated Buck for a long time (a very long time...so, so long). Why is the universe withholding this thing that Buck wants so badly and that other people seem to get so easily? And, specifically, what part is Buck missing that he can't make a relationship work? What upgrade does he need? This idea that Connor has a piece "missing" but can still get the wife and the house (while Buck doesn't even have a couch) is weighing on him. As usual, Buck has the complete set, all the "good" genetic material, but it isn't benefiting him and is somehow making him feel like more of a freak.

So, actually, I'd love it if the storyline resolved with Buck's family history coming into play and Connor rejecting his sperm over it because he and his wife are afraid of having a sick kid. And the rejection makes Buck feel even more emasculated and depressed (the one advantage that he had isn't even an advantage). And then Chris and Eddie can show up remind him that he isn't alone and that "sick" kids are worth the risk and his ex roommate is missing out on having a really great kid.

[enjeolmii]

10 questions - p.sh

synopsis: to ask questions isn't too bad. but to end up doing something you never expected from the intention behind every question? way better!

genre: fluff, slightly suggestive

word count: 2.4k

warnings: make out sesh (not written in depth), lots of teasing but it’s all playful you nasty

"Next question! Did you like anyon-"

"Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? I'm supposed to go next." Sunghoon blocks you with an audible tap on the soft mattress, tsk-ing at your smooth but not slick enough scheme to get more answers from him.

It's a Saturday - the day of the week when assignments, works, chores, and duties are temporarily thrown down the window. On these days, you and Sunghoon go on a carefree date. It's a routine you made once a week to maintain your relationship amidst the setback caused by lockdown, and it was going great.

At a time when real interactions between people became an inappropriate thing to do, and everyone turned to technology as a resolution, you made sure that everything is done by Friday, despite it being so dreading, just so that procrastinating wouldn't be a problem dragged over the next day. And when those pressuring times occur to you, you would send each other texts, exhorting to go easy on yourselves. That's why Saturdays are the only thing you wait for every week. You weigh it up as a chance to see the only light that keeps you going, the one that helps you see clearly the path you are taking in this obscure world.

So here you are with Sunghoon in your bedroom, sitting on the bed and leaning on the wall beside it, covered in your blanket as you cuddle under the warm, comfy covers. The day has been an uneventful one. If not for him reminding you of the conversation you had prior in the week, where you asked him to gather questions he had for you, you would have slept the whole day over without accomplishing anything.

"Fine, what's your eighth question?" You admit, frowning at his attentive remark, and he snickers.

He lifts his phone and scrolls through the questions he has saved in his notes. "Have you ever had a dream about me?"

Your eyes roll around with a finger on your chin, recalling the scenarios you had of him. There were many, some surrounding the time when he decided to confess to you, and most of them came from the fantasies you had of him. Those dreams scare you more than the stare of a fiery lion. It almost even feels illegal to think about it because you aren't well over twenty. Though they were just outlines of you and him kissing innocently, you always end up making out at the end of the story.

You weren't one of those twelve-year-olds who've had their first kisses already. Your mother kept a close eye on you in situations like this, so you would rather make out with your pillow than hear her nagging your ears off. Because of that, you grew up as a child unbothered by her love life, and the mere thought of kissing someone in real life makes your hair stand up. That's when you knew he brought out a lot of changes in you.

You swallow the lump of saliva in your throat. "Yeah, I have." You answer truthfully but still cautious of the words you put out.

"Really?" His head perks in your direction. "What did I do?"

You got a little nervous knowing he would undoubtedly interrogate you on this. But thankfully, you were prepared with a streamlined answer. "That's three questions, genius," You say, reaching for his head to give it a light smack, from which earns you a groan. "Save your chances for better questions."

"What do you mean? It's a good one. What did you dream about? I want to know."

"Okayy~ Next question. Where is that..." You switch the topic hastily, hands occupied with finding the question you were waiting to ask him through your notes. "Found it. Did you like anyone before me? If so, who are they?"

"That's two questions, though?"

"Nope. Not if you put them together." You smile at him cheekily, and he throws his head back in astonishment, mouth wide open, spewing out breathy wow's.

"You're playing it dirty, I see. Well, I had two other girlfriends before you." He brings his pinky finger out. "One was my sixth-grade classmate, and the other one was my best friend from the rink." He shoots his mouth off to chaff at you yet again.

A stiff frown crawls on your face as you nod at him sarcastically. "Oh, wow. Impressive." You hum in wonderment, silence unfurling in the suddenly insipid room.

Sunghoon knew you weren't easily irritated by these circumstances. If he were talking to a random girl on the street, more often than not, you would only think of them as one of his fans from the arena, nothing more. Even if he had to accomplish things with a girl in his class, you trusted him very much with your relationship to doubt him in his actions. And so, seeing you hush after a talk like this...

Of course, he would take it as a chance to play with you.

"Aww, is my precious little y/n jealous?" His voice sharpened one octave higher as he pats your head with a pout and mock sadness in his eyes. "What do I do? I kissed them, too."

You were okay with him having two other ones before you, but at the mention of a kiss, your figure skews his way. You weren't sure if he was hoaxing you or not, but to say so honestly, it troubled you. This wasn't the intention you had with your question. All you wanted to get out of it was something to tease him about when he says he has none, yet it was still you who got ragged of your own query.

However, that's beside the point. Was it necessary to point out those last words? It wasn't you to be agitated over something as dispensable as this, but of all things, why did he have to attack your weakness?

Sunghoon's sounds of laughter tear you away from your thoughts. "Got 'em~" He pulls a finger at you in another fit of laughter, seeing you in a state of total shock.

"What the heck? It was a lie?" You pull away firmly from his body, hitting him on the shoulder with force enough to make him wobble on the bed.

"You fell for it." He provokes you, head bouncing up and down in silent titters, and you smack his hand away, leaning back down on his shoulder.

"No, I didn't," You feel him nod abut your head, seeing mentally what teasing expression he has plastered on his face this time, but you only shrug it off. "Which part was the lie, though? You kissing them or being with them?"

"Can't answer that. Save your chances for better questions, cutie."

"Touché," You scoff. "What's the next question?"

"Well, since we came to the topic of kissing... When was your first kiss?" He converts his stare to a peer of glistening fervour. Though not as subtle as he would have probably wished it to be, you could sense the perceptive intent he was hiding behind his tone.

You render motionless. Never did you tell him anything about your dreams, nor would you ever have plans to tell him. It's a product of your wildest imaginations to feed your untold desires. It's what helps restrain the ungodly in you, but it also fuels you with the need to see what it actually is like. It's a continuous internal war going on in you, its purpose being to stop you from creating trouble for yourself. And now that you finally have him here, not going to lie, it's kind of embarrassing to acknowledge the profuse amount of dreams you had of him, moreover that he stole your first kiss... Except it was in your dreams, literally.

"I never had any," You answer, trying to stay as cool as possible. "I'm a good child who listens well to her mother, so don't think no one tried to hit on me once. I turned a lot of them down." A small smile trudges its way onto his face, but the way his eyes were fixated on you remained untypically the same.

"I don't know if I should be happy that you picked me out of all of them or be sad for those 'poor hearts' you broke." He draws an air quote along with his words, and you shake your head at him. "Don't worry. I won't tease you on this one. I just wanted to know." He mumbles quietly through a simper, moving to rest his head on yours.

Hearing that he'll cut you some slack relieved you, but one thing about his utterance caught you off guard. "Why do you want to know that?"

"That's the only way I'll get to know you deeper, Einstein," He retracts his head and nudges you on his shoulder, causing you to bump your head against its edge, a grunt following you. However, while you were still in the midst of justifying the whack he did on your head, he spins his vision to you in an adventitious celebration. "Oh- that's your tenth question, then!"

"Wait, hold on!" You haul over to straighten your posture, the creaking of the bed barely audible from the loudness of your opposition.

"It's my turn again." His eyes grow invisible from his cheeks, pushing it up into a smile. He just never gets tired of making fun of you. How you wish you could do the same to him. If only punching someone straight in the face denotes no wrongdoing, you would have done that ages ago.

"Bitch, why did you answer that?" You call him, blaming him with the irritation that you weren't able to control yourself.

"You ask, I answer. Isn't that how it goes?" He grins at you matter-of-factly, and you tousle your hair around in frustration.

"Ugh, you're crazy," You send glares up his way. "Whatever. Your last question, throw."

As if that was a signal he has been waiting for, Sunghoon shuts his phone and tucks it in his pocket. "How does it feel to kiss someone?"

You were confused. You just said you've never kissed anyone before.

A dry giggle leaves your mouth after much processing. You knew you shouldn't have trusted his words. No matter what you do, he'll find the cracks and holes to slip in his every jest. "I think you got the wrong person, kid. How do you think I'd know?"

"Hmm..." He drones, the ticking sound of the clock suddenly increasing in volume with every minute passing by. "Should we try it, then?" He suggests.

"What?" You were taken aback, a sudden chill sweeping through your body like a surge of cool air gashing through the enclosed room. What is he going on about?

Inch by inch, you feel him gravitate towards you, your torso backing up from his inclining frame until the warmth you caused on the cold wall completely presses against your back. Like the fire of a gun's bullet on a steady path, your heartbeat raced in a trice. His eyes stared at yours, tracing down to your parted lips as he led his other hand across your body, trailing up your arms to your shoulders, just until it reaches your jaw. Your breath hitched, lips shutting tightly as you gulp down at the presence of his queer boldness.

It's like the scenarios you formed in your head where he pins you against the wall, lips hovering yours with soft breaths that tickle your skin. Him studying your face with obstinacy to make you his, doing whatever it is that would make you happy. Nevertheless, he made sure to be cautious of things you wouldn't want him to do. He still respected you.

He's doing just the same thing, and it's getting you set on thinking whether this is all a dream taking too long to reach its climax or if your dreams are miraculously made into reality. But his next set of words were enough to tell you the clarification to your uncertainties.

"Please don't be mad." Without warning, his lips found their place on your light, pillowy ones. It felt like he was pouring out all emotions he's been holding in until now. He always controlled himself whenever you're around because he didn't want to disappoint your mother. But with this instance is a chance to do something he has long been dreaming of. He wasn't about to lose it.

The way his head tilts to the side to get a more comfortable position, eyes closing and immersed in the pleasure of your lips against his, got you clasping onto your blanket to ease the havoc he's causing in your guts. You froze at the contact. As if time had halted and the world stopped spinning, everything seemed to slow down at that moment. Maybe it was the sweet scent of his bergamot fragrance. Maybe it was the tightening of his grip on your jaw, or perhaps the longing you had for him that's enticing you in this position.

It's not every day that we get to see our dreams come true, and for one, it's a matchless feeling, especially when the dream is worthwhile. Slowly, you give in and close your eyes in the warmth of his touch. His lips parted to bite at your lower lip, and you overtly open your mouth to let him in.

"Do you think you could answer it now?" He questions you, but you couldn't comprehend what he was saying. You were too caught up in your own feelings during the whole session; you almost forgot what happened before it was done. Just when you thought he’d stop pulling out all the hidden quirks of yours, he caught you once again. And it didn't take long enough before you recollected yourself.

"Right. It's way better than I could have ever imagined." You smile at him, giving rise to the same smile as you.

"If this is how it will usually end, maybe I should start gathering more questions for you." He proposes, his head wheeling over to you with sheer excitement.

"Uh-huh... Just make sure you don't catch anything from the streets before you come over." You reply with a cackle, getting off his lap and sitting back down on the soft mattress.

It was supposed to be a dull and boring day. But with another chance that you two meet comes another something to remember forever. And you can't help but grin from ear to ear.

[ethanharli]

Requested: On wattpad.

Pairing(s): Aizawa x Gender-Neutral Reader.

Warning(s): Angst/Comfort, Platonic relationship, Teacher/Student, Cursing, Triggering stuff, it ends in fluff I promise.

A/n- I'm sorry if this wasn't exactly what you asked for :(

__________

"Egotistical brat."

"Narcissistic little shit."

"You did a good kid, keep up the good work" Mister Aizawa's words caused a smile to grow on my face as I looked over my test scores. Knowing that even though they meant nothing to my parents, they at least made someone else proud of me, and that was enough to keep me determined to work harder. However the word's from earlier still echoed somewhere in the back of my mind like a pesky little fly you just can't get rid of. It caused my smile to slowly fade away as I leaned against my desk, watching everyone else leave for the day while I stayed behind, dreading the fact I'd have to return home to them. Home was never my safe space, not even my room made me feel secure in that god awful place.

Both my parent's were born quirkless, so when I was born they automatically assumed I'd be quirkless to, but it seemed that it merely skipped their generation and onto mine, so when they found out I had a quirk they despised me. They only seemed to hate me more when I told them I wanted to become a hero, and if it wasn't for my grand-parents recommending me I wouldn't even be in Yuuei right now. So home was filled with constant mental abuse, but at school I had my friends and Mister Aizawa, the one adult that made me feel like I wasn't a complete failure of a child. He's like the parent I always wished for, but could never have, not if my parents have anything to say about it..

Shrugging off my thoughts I took a deep breath and slung on my backpack, heading my way back home.

"There's always tomorrow."

------

"Smug little bitch."

"You're nothing more than a spoiled rotten pest."

My feet dragged against the ground as I made my way to my seat, my eyes slowly drooping from the exhaustion that weighed down on me. My neck burning from the way my mothers hand gripped it the other night while my bandaged arms burned from how I practically scratched them raw. At least it was winter time, so I could easily hide the bruises and bandages under a turtle neck without anyone asking any questions. "[L/n], are you okay?" My body swayed a bit as I looked up at Mister Aizawa, giving him a faint smile with a slow nod. "I'm alright Sir, just didn't get much sleep last night" At least that wasn't to far from the truth. It was due to my parents constant bickering that I stayed up late, and it was my misfortune that got me caught by them when I came down the stairs for a drink.

"Then go rest in the nurses office, but you'll be catching up on whatever classes you miss after" He grumbled under his breath while my smile only seemed to grow as I picked up my things and slowly brought myself up to my feet, nearly toppling over if it wasn't for the fact that Mister Aizawa had caught me by the arms, helping me steady myself. "And [L/n], take care of yourself okay?" The concerned gleam in his tired eyes nearly caught me off guard, as my breath hitched, having to hold back the tears that threatened to spill from my eyes from the simple fact that my teacher cares more then my parents ever would.

"Yes sir!"

------

"You're a fucking disgrace."

"You'll never be a hero! Not a good one at least."

My eye's stayed glued to the basic cream colored wall as the doctor looked over my scratched up arms in silent horror, and I couldn't help but wonder what kind of damage has been done as he set to work and tried his best to patch me up. It's been a few weeks since the day my parent's finally decided to get physical with their abuse, and they managed to beat me bloody and bruised, and ever since then I could never seem to get any rest nor could I actually have any peace while at home. So my stress and panic levels just kept rising until I decided that scratching at my arms made the best stress reliever, it got so bad that I even did it without thinking. However the ambulance was called for me while I was getting groceries, I had started bleeding through my bandages and jacket while I was there, and as much as I tried to stop them one of the shoppers still managed to call the hospital.

"What's the name of your parent or guardian? We need to let them know you're here" The doctor looked at me with a small smile as he wrapped up my arms, but the thought of my parent's nearly caused me to scratch at my arms again.

"You'll never amount to anything."

"Your mother and I didn't even want you."

My brows pinched together in silent thought, hearing their words repeat through my head like a broken record as I spoke, "A-Aizawa, Aizawa Shota." I felt bad mentioning him, I didn't want to bother my teacher so late at night, but I'd rather deal with his disappointment then watch my parents lie their way into getting me back home just so they could hurt me more. I couldn't do that, No.. I wouldn't be able to handle that, knowing that these doctors might believe them over my own words cause I'm just a 'child,' even if the evidence is clear. So when Aizawa walked into the hospital room with a slightly annoyed and tired look I couldn't help but break down.

"You're nothing but a bother to us and your teachers."

"I'm sorry.." The tears slowly slid down my cheeks as I wiped at my eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

"You worthless piece of shit, do you really think anyone cares about you?"

"I'm so sorry.." But they just wouldn't stop as a choked sob slipped past my lips, feeling the bed dip a bit besides me.

"No one wants you, so just go fucking kill yourself."

Aizawa gently placed his hand on my back and let me rest my head on his shoulder, feeling even more tears cascade down my cheeks from the comforting gesture but I couldn't help but break more while in his embrace. "I won't pressure you, but at some point you're gonna have to tell me what happened" The familiarity of his gruff tone helped settle my nerves as I nodded my head and pulled away from his embrace, making sure to take a deep breath and keep my gaze fixated on the ground. "It's, it's home.. My parents they, they don't like me very much so they.. They take their anger and frustrations out on me.." After that I explained everything the best I could without trying to scratch my arms or bursting into tears again, and Aizawa just sat beside me and listened.

"How about.. I take you in?" His question caught me off guard and I couldn't help but stare at him with wide eyes. "N-No it's okay! You already have to put up with me at school.. I wouldn't want to bother you at home too" I couldn't help but twiddle with my fingers as I spoke, not wanting to be more of a nuisance then I already am to him, but he merely ruffled up my hair and stood from his seat beside me, "It's alright kid, I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't okay with it."

"A-Are you sure?"

"Mhm."

"Th-Then yes please!"

[greenygreenland]

Reset: Jay Walker x Reader

-inspired by my own hardships, as nearly all my writing has been

-we all know Jay is smart asf and a deep thinker. He may seem dumb sometimes, but he's really a nerd at heart and that's why I love him.

Summary: You're tired of life, playing hero, everything. It hurts to keep going and you're falling apart, but you can't stop. Jay is there to cheer you up.

A sigh escaped your lips and your shoulders slumped as you rolled out of bed. Midday naps were supposed to make you feel energised, not tired and achy from sleeping in uncomfortable positions. It was hard to imagine being able to leave your room, much less make your way through the monastery for a late lunch.

Today was your day off. No training. No chores (it was Lloyd'd turn). And no running atound saving the day (unless someone called). You wanted to lay back down and cuddle close into your warm sheets again, but your head hurt from sleeping too much.

The door creaked open. Jay peeked his head in, allowing a bright smile to cross his face. "Had a nice nap?" You rubbed the gunk out of your eyes and smoothed any kinks in your hair. "Not really," you replied with a yawn. "My head hurts." Jay pushed the door wide and made his way across the room. It closed behind him with a soft click. The bed dipped as he settled by your side, affectionately bringing you close to his chest.

"Do you want some water? Or tea?" He ran his cool hands through your hair, gently untangling the tight knots. "You know what, I'll go get some." He began to stand but you firmly caught his wrist and pulled him back down. "Stay." you quietly said. "Please." Jay settled and leaned back against the headboard. You stayed like that for a few moments, with Jay running his hands theough your hair and you leaning against his chest.

"You know," Jay began, "if somerhing's wrong, you can tell me right? I promise I won't tell anyone." A light laugh escaped your lips and it could have been like a symphony. "It's not that bad Jay." He dropped his hand with a troubled frown. You blinked, lazily meeting his electric gaze. "What?"

"You're doing it again." he noted.

"Doing what?"

"Lying that you're okay."

You mimicked his frown and flopped down on the bed, intertwining your fingers with his. "I'm just...tired. That's all." Jay shook his head. He flopped down next to you, shifting his weight onto his side so he could clearly see your face. "What's making you so tired (Y/n)?"

You shrugged as best as you could while lying on your side. "A lot." That simple phrase held more weight than you thought it would. It reverberated, leaving the room in complete silence. You began to wonder if Jay would be mad, or freak out like he used to do when you both were younger. He was cute like that, always joking, always talking at the speed of light...

Time changed you both. Of course, Jay still smiled and joked, but he wasn't the same Jay you first met. The weight on his shoulders was as much as yours. It kept his mind from wandering like it used to, and maybe that was because if it did, old memories no one wanted would rise from the grave.

You wondered what it would have been like if you both were normal teenagers, free from the weight of this realm on your shoulders. Even if you didn't want to see it, you had changed too. It was harder to keep a smile on your lips, tougher to joke about the little things, and almost impossible to sleep with an empty head.

You were tired, not only of the weight you carried, but of all the things you knew you wouldn't have.

All the things you knew you couldn't have.

Those thoughts made you feel numb. You wrapped an arm around Jay, pulling him closer like you would a teddy bear.

"What would it be like to...to be normal?" you quietly mused. Jay thought for a moment in pire silence, knitting his brows together and humming as if it'd make the answer come faster. The silence refused wear thin.

"I don't know," he finally said. "But I'm not sure I'd want to be normal."

"Why?"

"We're all passing down legacies that've been around for centuries." he said thoughtfully. "I like to think of us as protectors of that power. If we don't keep it safe, then wouldn't we have another villain on our hands? I don't know about you, but I am done with evil people." You smile a little, appreciating the lightness in his voice. "That's true."

"And if we were normal, we'd have to go to school. Then we'd have to figure out college, and student debt. I can be smart, but I know I'm not that smart. And beside that, who wants to be stuck to a desk all day doing paperwork? I'd take scrapes and broken bones in a heartbeat. Paperwork is an absolute no-go!"

He threw a hand up in the air as if to prove his point. "Then we'd have to think about rent, and textbooks, and don't forget about wasting away in an apartment and answering to a boss. I don't know how normal people do it."

You knew he was right. Last time you all had to live in Ninjago City, it was straight-up a disaster. Having the monastery and the Bounty was a huge blessing. There was no rent to pay and absolutely no worries about going to work everyday. Here, you could see the mountains, the birds, and smell fresh air. It wasn't possible to have such luxuries in the city.

"You're right." you agreed. Jay raised a brow. "But?"

You sighed. "Sometimes it's tiring. It...it feels weird when we don't have any crime to fight. It gives me so much time to think, but then I start to wonder about what could have been better. Someone's always getting hurt, someone's always going missing, and I won't say any names, but it's worrisome. It's tiring and..."

Jay met your gaze. "You know, my dad used to tell me this when I wasn't feeling my best. He said that sometimes it's good to sit down and breathe. He called it 'resetting' and I think that's something you need to do." Jay pursed his lips together. You didn't need to be telepathic to know he was thinking hard. "Jay--"

"Stay here, I'm going to get something." You wanted to tell him you didn't need anything, but how could you say no to that cute face of his? Jay sprinted out of the room, leaving the door ajar as you sat up in bed. A few moments later, he came back with paper facial masks and iced tea. The glasses clicked as he set the tray down by your bed, the liquid swaying with the floating pieces of ice.

"I bought these masks for you. Nya said you like this brand, but since there's two, I'm going to do it with you." There was a bright smile on his face as he ripped open one of the packages. You peered up at him. "What kind is it?"

"This one's aloe and," he held the other one up, "this one's honey. Which one do you want?" You scanned the packages, weighing out the options before choosing (your choice).

It was nice to sit back and enjoy a cup of iced tea, much less alone with Jay. The soft bed seemed to blanket you like a cloud. Warm...bouncy...

You closed your eyes. It was nice and quiet, save for the occasional joke Jay threw out. But it wasn't like you minded. It was, after all, part of his charm.

"Feeling better?" Jay suddenly said. You nodded and took a sip of your tea. "Yes. Much better."

"What a shocking revelation." You shared a laugh together. It was short, yet sweet, warm, and filled with love. You pecked his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you more."

[getitinbusan]

When your cheating ex calls months later will you answer?

Jungkook

Cheating, Heartbreak, Angst and Sex

You were just about to fall asleep when your phone went off.  With an exasperated sigh you rolled over wondering which of your friends was in need. You moved for the device a little annoyed but felt obligated to answer, after all,  they'd been there for you no questions asked during the break up. 

The screen lit up "DO NOT ANSWER" and your heart dropped. You'd once read that it was a good idea to rename your ex in your phone so you wouldn't feel temptation to communicate but that was months ago. You made the fatal mistake of not deleting his contact picture and now here he was showing up on your screen. He never did try and call, this was the first time you were faced with the decision of answering.  

Setting your phone down you pulled the covers over your head and tried to block it out of your mind.  A single notification pinged through your duvet and bounced around your head before you surrendered. With a mind of its own your hand snuck out of your blanket fort and picked up the cold device 

JK: Please Y/N, I really need you right now.  

Y/N: Why are you doing this to me Jungkook? I'm finally getting over you.  

JK: I'm selfish and I'm stupid but I'm also the loneliest I've ever been in my life. Our apartment is so empty, I haven't been able to sleep in our bed since you left. 

Y/N: I'm not the one who left Jungkook. You seem to forget that you checked out of this relationship before I packed my boxes.  

JK: Can I please just see you? 

JK: Please 

JK: 

Y/N: Are you really crying right now?  

JK: I haven't stopped since…. Fuck, I know you hate me, its killing me. Please just let me apologize in person 

You knew it was the wrong choice, seeing him was just going to rip your heart in two again.  

Y/N: Send a fucking car

The door man greeted you with a closed mouth smile and a nod. Embarrassment creeped through your being whenever people looked at you with pity, "I'll let Mr. Jeon know you're here."

Meeting you at the elevator he looked a mess. He'd lost some muscle and his skin was pale, his sunken eyes were red and tired. Reaching out to hug you, he thought better and instead jammed his firsts into the pockets of his worn grey track pants.  He was wearing a T-shirt and you were forced to observe his tattoos like a fucking train wreck. They were like a banner, there written across the body you once worshiped, saying, "I fucked someone else."

He noticed you looking at his arm and ran his hand over it, "I guess you haven't seen them yet." He proudly held it out for you. You felt sick to your stomach, "Yeah, I don't really want to look at them Jungkook. You could at least have the decency to put on a fucking sweater or something."

He was puzzled by your reaction but reached for his flannel button down hanging off the back of the couch anyway. The tears came immediately, you needed to make him understand what he'd done. You sobbed his name, "Jungkook, how am I supposed to look at you when her writing is all over you in permanent ink?" 

He dropped to his knees looking up at you pleading, "But you have to, look at me Y/N, I never meant to hurt you. What can I do? I'll do anything to fix this."

The ache that had tormented your heart returned stronger than ever. "How am I supposed to trust you? You told me you were going to Geoje Island to hike Gyeryongsan Park. I didn't question you, I didn't ask you not to go, I wasn't a bad girlfriend Jungkook, I just fucking loved you. All I've been able to do for months is try to figure out how I screwed up… but I didn't, you did.  Now you have the nerve to ask ME how to fix it?"

You crumpled to the floor beside him crying uncontrollably, he was devastated finally seeing the effect his actions had on you. 

"I'm going to fix this, I'm going to put us back together," picking you up he carried you over to the couch and held you against his chest. You were both crying but the comfort of his heartbeat thrumming through you brought you a peace you'd missed so much. 

"All my life I've trained hard, I've done what I was told, I followed the rules and I've had to act as "Jungkook" the idol. The truth is, I don't know who Jeong-guk is. During the break I wasn't under the microscope, I just got to do what I felt like doing, and honestly, it felt really good. I hiked Gyeryongsan with my brother and we met a group of people, they were from the tattoo shop. I decided to just do it… because I wanted to. It took a few days so we got to know them, drank with them, ate with them, they just felt like friends." He paused his story sensing your agitation. 

 "Did you think of me at all Guk?" Your heart was racing, anger creeping back in as you remembered seeing the pictures online.  "We don't get to be seen in public, we don't get to hold hands, we don't get to go out to eat. Why was it okay with her?"

He took a deep breath, "I could because she wasn't you… because I didn't care,  because I wanted to see what would happen" He put his fingers in your hair and brushed it out of your face, "I can't with you, I need to protect you, I need to keep you safe and out of the spotlight so you don't get hurt. The fans can be really mean, I honestly don't know what I'd do if the people I am so grateful for turned on the person I love the most."  

You let your fingers fan out over his chest, just getting to touch him again made your heart race. You didn't want to get sucked back in but here you were, his words were believable and you even felt a little bad for him. He placed his hand on top of yours, his tattoos demanding your attention  "Why didn't you talk to me? You just let me go, let me believe what I saw." 

You traced the outline of the heart with your fingertip and you felt a tear land on your face as he leaned over you. "I was just trying to figure out who I was, I didn't think you'd love ME, especially after what you saw and heard. When we were in New Zealand I did a lot of reflecting, even though I'm struggling to know who I am, I'm less of that person without you. You not only make me more of the man I want to be, you put up with who I have to be." He kissed your forehead and you understood.  

"Guk…I'm so tired, take me to bed." He let out an audible sigh of relief knowing that you were willing to move forward with him.  

Raising your arms over your head he pulled your shirt off your body and replaced it gently with one of his oversized T-shirts. Turning down the sheets you crawled in, it felt like your mind could finally have a rest. Sure that your doubts and sadness would come back, at least for tonight, they had been defeated. He wrapped his arms around you as you both gave in to months of mental exhaustion, sleep conquering sadness, hope turning into dreams that once again dared to reveal themselves.  

The sunlight danced on your eyelids, the scent of Jungkook heavy in the air, you must be dreaming. Afraid to open your eyes, afraid it wouldn't be real you felt his hand on your waist and you couldn't help but smile.  He knew you were awake, nuzzling into your neck he whispered, "It feels like heaven having you back." 

Turning to him you placed your hand on his cheek, "My head is telling me to go but I really want to be here, please make me stay." 

Leaning in he kissed you, god it felt good. You'd blocked out every memory of the pleasure you'd once shared but with one kiss they came flooding back and you wanted him so badly inside of you.  

Roughly you kissed him and began tugging off his clothes. Pulling his shirt over his head the sight of his tattoos fueled an aggression in you to take back what was yours. "Tell me you love me Jungkook," you growled as his cock hardened in your hand.  

"I love you," he panted back, "I fucking love you more than anything."

He sucked your nipple into his mouth as you straddled him sinking down onto his eager dick. Both of you moaning you continued your assault, maybe you could fuck the pain away, "Did she make you feel this fucking good?" 

Like you weighed nothing he immediately flipped you onto your back, laying over top of you he stared frozen. 

"Stop,  just…stop….I didn't fuck her, I didn't do anything with her… I need you to believe that." He was crying, "please believe me"

You did, maybe it was naive but in that moment you really did.  Holding his face you let your lips ghost over his, "I believe you."

Taking control he moved slowly, deliberately, entering you while not breaking his lips away from yours. He rolled his hips deep into a rhythm that rubbed perfectly inside of you and you were lost.  The pleasure elevated by his admissions of love and desire for you as he called your name and moaned in time with his motions.

The raw feelings like electricity heightened your desire, as you let go you cried aloud clenching around him as you both came. "You're so beautiful giving yourself to me, I don't deserve you," he was so emotional, you'd never seen him like this. 

Laying together coming down from the high of passion, life did what it always does, the adrenaline had worn off and the truth came creeping back in. Unsure of what may or may not have happened it was a betrayal nonetheless. Trust had been lost, lies told and promises were broken.  Where did you go from here? 

He lay beside you stroking your hair with a small content grin on his face and you ran you hand over his chest, fingertips across his collar bone and skimming down his arm. The words on his skin screamed at you and sadness draped over you like a blanket of darkness. Noticing the wetness gathering on his chest,  he sat up to see the tears quietly fall down your cheeks. Leaning over he retrieved his long sleeve shirt off the floor and pulled it over his head. "I hope one day you can look at me and it won't hurt. My arms are supposed to protect you and comfort you not make you sad."

You rolled over to face him, " I hope so too."

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: How'd I do? Your nan gonna give me another slap or shout me a drink next I see her? 😂 Janis: Well, I personally reckon you did alright but she's a harder woman to please Janis: I think you're outta the attack on sight group though so 👍 not bad for a night's work, lad Janis: How are you faring, I lost you in the crowd at several points so I'm dreading thinking who said what tbh Jimmy: 💪🏆😎🍻 Jimmy: Glad I had my bad boy shades, don't think I've been snapped so much in my life Jimmy: And at one point we basically had paps being so #goals Jimmy: but the insults were too slurred and 🇮🇪 to pack as much punch as you or your nan like Janis: mmblockoutthehaters Janis: not a fan of being the other side of the lens then, no? 😜 now you see my struggle, in all the ways 🙄 Janis: Yeah, they were on fine form, like Janis: Not Grace though, don't you think? Something's up and its not just date envy Jimmy: shut up you're sooooooooooo about being my muse Jimmy: yeah it was a good night all round, cheers Jimmy: it'll be drama with the flat whites or fuck boy. Lot of dumping done, wasn't it? Jimmy: Mia alone is a lot to get out of your mind 🎻 Janis: Suuuuure 😏 well, all the extra exercise with Twix is no doubt benefitting my grade in Sports so Janis: Owe ya one, don't I? Janis: Though reckon you just settlin' cos my actual model sister would charge you a fee, like Janis: More fucking fool me, ay? 😕😉 Janis: 👍 not too bruised? Janis: not just chattin' 'bout ya ego Janis: Probably right, yeah, it'll be Mia...I don't think she was that arsed about Harry, though she acted it Jimmy: I'd have to get in line, Twix'd never let me have first dibs collecting that debt Jimmy: I don't know what's more of a headwrecker that your sister is a proper model or that she's the only one #geneticsgamestronginyourgaff Jimmy: Still angling to get a pair of kicks off me? Take it up with 🎅 I did my bit on the 🎁 front 🤞 Jimmy: You better not be chatting that 😎 selectively remembering only your wins again, are you? Jimmy: Bet she's devo about Tammy #relatable 😂 Jimmy: what a giant hole in our lives Janis: She's 🥇 Janis: No matter what hype you're on Janis: True we're #blessed but don't let me catch you commenting on it again, IRL or on the 'gram Janis: I'll have to become that bitch and I don't think I've got the time tbh Janis: 🤐 nope, no complaints here, for the big man or yourself, like Janis: Hmm? I suddenly can't recall, maybe 'cos that useless bint next to us practically brained me when her club flew away from her Janis: Looks like you'll have to schedule a rematch if you wanna be covered in glory 🤷 Janis: Poor Lurch...who's the real loser here? Being such with bulllyimia Jimmy: Done and done Jimmy: Can't win 'em all...oh Tammy I thought we had something proper special babe Jimmy: what you doing today? Ready to take on the challenge any time you wanna lay it down Janis: So did she! But you will insist on bouncin' onto the next one, like 😉 Janis: make up your mind, Jimothy Janis: I'm wallowing in my pit currently...avoiding any fad diets and weird exercise regimes being implemented and spring cleaning and yet more leftovers curry Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: 😎💪 Jimmy: I envy that Jimmy: any suggestions for a film that me, Bobbin and Cass can sit through? I'm drawing a blank on an animated musical with violent themes rn like Janis: You wouldn't if you could smell me Janis: Sexayyy Janis: Hmm Janis: There's that one where all the dinosaurs die at the end? Right, they probably throw out the odd tune too Janis: I'd say Lion King fits the spec actually but don't wanna start their year off with a heaping dose of trauma Jimmy: With you there Jimmy: Fuck it I'm sticking Mulan on and shutting their gobs with sweets Janis: That'll do it 👍 no one gives a shit if the bad guy gets it in the neck Janis: especially not from a sassy lady #feminism101withgracieguru Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: she was really cracking out the nye vids #content Jimmy: silver lining of the 💔 a good GRWT Janis: Gotta show 'em what they're missing, or whatever Janis: Think Mia had a party at hers, purely so Grace couldn't come Janis: hostess with the mostest she ain't Janis: Devvo there wasn't another shit party for us to ruin tho, obvs Jimmy: school is still days away we've got time Janis: don't tempt fate, mate Janis: you've not got the 🍀 Janis: don't think my bro or the garda can handle it Janis: fuck knows where he is, still a no-show Janis: s'my job, like Jimmy: Maybe he's with my MIA pops Jimmy: weird one that'd be Jimmy: I did think he might have a new missus, but that's going a bit far like Janis: Both in the drunk tank, for their sins Janis: Maybe, Christmas wishes and all that Janis: Could find the time to give you a bell still Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: Wanna come over and walk the 🐶 ? Cass and Bobby'll be as 🤢 as I imagine you are polishing off this lot Jimmy: Can't count it as weird fad often as we're out Janis: Alright, save 'em from themselves Janis: and you from losing your mind 😵 Janis: not long 'til school now, save your wishes for that like the other single mums Jimmy: Done. Jimmy: Bring Gracie if you can find her, she'll have no secrets after 10 mins with them two Janis: I have the distinct impression she's avoiding me, which is weird, 'cos pretty sure I've said worse and been forgiven quicker, like... Janis: but maybe if I tell her her fave barista boy is there she'll come out to play? Janis: we've got a load of leftover sparklers, I'll bring 'em, so make sure they've got their gloves on Jimmy: 😮 maybe its her ny resolution Jimmy: 💪😎 guaranteed Jimmy: They'll be your besties then at least Janis: Yeah, guess she's sticking to all her promises this time, she's done with me forreal, at least 'til midway through the month, like Janis: 🎻 Janis: I'll bell her but no promises you'll get your fave twin Janis: who doesn't love shiny things? bet there's some bones for Twix too, what a 🏆 I am Janis: if there was any doubt left in your mind Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Oh, looks like she's at the gym Janis: thanks insta Janis: I'll leave it then Jimmy: Yeah, can't promise a decent work out, hyped as Twix is Jimmy: make do with you then, won't I Janis: Looks like it, pal Janis: Unlucky Jimmy: I'm well gutted, mate Janis: Better take it up with someone who gives a fuck 😜 Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: the dog is enraptured, thanks for the tip Janis: Stop yapping and get to moving then! Janis: I've gotta shower, its that serious Janis: let me live, boy, ugh Jimmy: [Sends a pic of him being kissed to death by Twix] Jimmy: you ain't that special, mate Janis: Ouch Janis: 🔪💔 Janis: double betrayal Jimmy: #hookedherwithmysobstory Jimmy: you did yourself over with the good advice Janis: always the way Janis: too smart for me own good Janis: i'll get back on the shelf, like Jimmy: speaking of should we take the oldies dog for them? I'd naturally be buzzing to see your nan again Janis: see, knew you loved it really Janis: worse than my sister Janis: but it is a point Janis: probably chewing through the walls as we speak Jimmy: #relatable Cass is much the same Jimmy: I better start penning my pops a note, more pages for him to have to read the better 😜 Jimmy: might stop at 5 sides if he bothers to reply to my texts like Janis: wondered what bit you was referring to there...like surely she's not wasting her time with boys already?! but gotcha Janis: phew Janis: that'd be a whole saga to try and put on a post-it Jimmy: Dad would love that, two of us out from under his feet Jimmy: Marry Bobs off if he could 😂 Jimmy: but nah she's only 😍 for Twix same as you Janis: its a real shame the gov ain't on his side for that one Janis: the travellers do it, and they all turn out FINE, geez Janis: think your Da would be obligated to at least provide you all with your own caravan though Janis: no escaping fatherhood, eh? Jimmy: 👍 stuff of dreams there Jimmy: I am about a decent caravan though Jimmy: same goes for the others, always asking me when we going back Skerries Jimmy: steady on kids that shit's still #raw Janis: Awks..that's a holiday romance for you, lads, gotta make it a one-way ticket, no returns 😂 Janis: Maybe by Easter hols you'll be able to show your face 'round there again Janis: Weather would be better too Jimmy: Funny Jimmy: But yeah #fullofgoodideasyou Janis: full of something, has been said 😎 Janis: gotta gee myself up to see that bath again 'neway, been strictly cold showers since, like 😉 Jimmy: 😏 new year, new you though so Jimmy: #yougotthis Janis: can't say 'make more of a prick of yaself in 2039' was high on my resolution list, soz about it Janis: know how much you enjoy it 🙈 Jimmy: Damn Jimmy: I was down for the challenge if you were 😜 Janis: 😳 Janis: always a fool for you, boo Jimmy: 💕 cute Janis: 🖕 do it all for the 'gram Janis: still hate u Jimmy: 💋 Jimmy: same mate, same Janis: i feel it Janis: how long can we keep this charade going, like? 🤔 Jimmy: Gotta stretch it out 'til v-day naturally Jimmy: in it for the 🎁 Jimmy: in that spirit you want me to pick you up or you gonna walk to ours when you're ready? Janis: or the next, steak and blowjob day Janis: I see you boy Janis: that said, if we eating steak and all the love-heart shaped confectionery, I better walk it 💪 Janis: this is clearly why people always get fat when they're loved up Janis: not saying weigh your Dad for proof when he finally arrives but Janis was timed out 18 hours ago Jimmy: not saying we've got one realistically Jimmy: How good's your guestimation skills? Could feel another 🏆 coming on Janis: FUCCCCCCCCCCCK Jimmy: ???? Jimmy: you okay mate?