#i s2g i am going to do my replies at some point

[hismercytomyjustice]

I spent 95% of the day today writing. I’ve finally hit 35k, but the last 3k were a STRUGGLE. I think they turned out okay, but my god I had several moments of “fuck this.”

I think the issue was this was a way more research heavy chapter and I didn’t feel as confident about writing some of the side characters. They don’t have much screen time in the game, which made it all the more stressful.

I desperately want to finish this fic. I don’t want to have made it this far only to give up. I s2g the Cardcaptors fic that I wrote that was almost twice as long as this didn’t give me NEARLY this much trouble. Maybe because I was more familiar with the source material?

I did get a really sweet comment on it recently though that I still need to reply to. I’m always baffled and pleased when folks take the time to read my older stuff.

I want to say I’m around 75-80% done with this fic now, though I still have no idea how the hell I’m going to end it.

…especially since I still haven’t finished the game…

I’m like 250+ hours in, but I still need to kill Orin and Gortash, save Lae’zel, get the Wyrm, fight Raphael, find Minsc… I’m sure I’m forgetting something. I know I could just power through to the end but I’ve been enjoying thoroughly exploring everything. I’ve also kind of worn myself out in the process though. There is just SO MUCH in Act III, it’s overwhelming.

Work has been hella busy again the past week or two too, which doesn’t help. I’m kind of dreading tomorrow because I have so much I need to do. I am getting desperate for a break and our next holiday isn’t until Memorial Day at the end of May. I’m probably going to have to take some PTO or at least a mental health day at the rate I’m going. The burnout is hitting HARD.

I love my job as much as one can love a job, but my god it is exhausting and demanding. Thankfully it isn’t like this all the time, but the periods where it is SUCK. Things will quiet down in another month or so, at least for a good chunk of the summer. I hope.

I think when I’m done writing this fic (please god in the next few weeks or so), I’m going to post it a chapter at a time like I did with my Cardcaptors one. Maybe a week apart to give myself time to edit each chapter. Pretty sure that’s the only way I’ll be able to trick myself into editing.

It’s just been so nice to have something I’m excited to write about again. This is the longest thing I’ve written in literal years. I feel like I’ve grown a lot, or at least I hope I have.

I’m also hoping that by writing more fanfic, I’ll be able to strengthen my writing for original stuff too. Right now I’m just trying to be happy with whatever I put out, so long as I’m writing something. Even if I don’t finish it.

I spent so many years struggling to get a word on the page because I spent so much time learning about writing through cons, books, podcasts, etc that I was hypercritical of everything I did. I stopped enjoying the process and I felt like a failure. I knew enough now that I knew what I did wrong or where I had skill gaps, but I had no idea how to fix any of it, so I just stopped creating. I forgot why I loved writing so much in the first place.

A book that’s really helped me view writing in a much healthier way is The Actor’s Life: A Survival Guide by Jenna Fischer. Yes, it’s geared toward acting, but the advice she gives is just as relevant to other creative fields.

She talks a lot about giving yourself permission to do the thing, about not having to be at the same level as your idols to pursue your dream, and about how important it is just to create.

It’s so important to enjoy the process because, otherwise, what’s the point? So long as I’m having fun, it’s worth doing. Even if I never reach a wide audience with original stuff I do in the future, I have to remember I’m doing this first and foremost for myself. I’ve found I enjoy that type of content more too, where the creator takes risks and unashamedly throws their passion into their project.

Yes, this is just a fanfic I’m working on, but I’m honing my skills through it. It’s a lot less terrifying to play in someone else’s sandbox and it’s so much easier for me to get out of my own way while I do it.

But at the same time DAMN I AM SO READY TO BE DONE haha.

Fingers crossed I will be soon!!!

[takivvatanga]

She had the dream again.

The dream that has been haunting her all her life. The dream that wakes her drenched in sweat, her heart in her throat, her mouth dry as the desert. The black and gold dream, the war dream, the death dream. The dream that she is never quite able to recall, even though Assire knows in her bones that it is always, always the same.

She opens her eyes.

The bedroom lies in complete darkness, cool and calm and quiet. She can hear her husband breathing quietly beside her, and she is acutely aware of how very, very much she wishes she could wake him like she always used to. But sleep does not come easy to him anymore, these days. It is as if he crosses a threshold as soon as night begins to fall, frantically searching for something, for someone – for her, in spite of the fact that she is right here, right here with him. Some nights, he cannot settle at all. Others, he sinks like a stone. No, she does not dare disturb him.

Assire sits up. Doing so is an effort. There is an aching in her bones, a heaviness across her chest, her head is pounding, the afterimages of her nightmare still flickering across her mind like ghosts.

Her mouth is so dry.

Her mouth is dry, and her body is so tired, so old, she’s falling to pieces, crushed under the weight of the decades. Her mind, however, is wide awake, as sharp as ever. 

I’m going to go get a drink of water. Sit out in the garden for a while. Yes, that’s what I’ll do.

When did it get so hard to stand up?

Sometimes she can’t remember a time when she wasn’t old. Other times it feels as if it was only yesterday that she was young, that she was strong. Assire is not sure which one is worse.

She should really take her walking stick.

I’m only going to the kitchen, what’s the worst that can happen?

Her steps are small, shuffling, unsteady. The dull pounding headache behind her eyes rises in intensity, a red hot pain that makes her vision swim. Unceasing. Nauseating.

Assire shakes her head and pushes on, all parchment-like skin and brittle bones and steely determination, grateful for being able to hold onto the hallway cabinet for balance.

The light is still on in Stella’s room, a thin sliver of brightness spilling through the door. She never closes the door anymore. Assire knows that her daughter worries, that she, too finds sleep difficult to attain since she’s been back home. Stella has always taken on too much responsibility, has always been a little too concerned about the wellbeing of others – her parents included.

She grew up too fast. Was it my fault? What if –

Assire does not get the chance to complete the thought. Her foot catches the edge of the hallway rug. She grasps at the cabinet with all the strength that she still has, trying desperately to find her balance, to stay on her feet. It is no use. She falls to the ground, one hand stretched out in an instinctive attempt to break her own fall. The impact knocks the air from her lungs, there is a sickening organic sound as something snaps somewhere between her elbow and her shoulder. Assire bites down on her lower lip to stifle her scream. 

“Mum! What the fuck, Mum? I told you a million times, just call out if you need anything!”

Assire manages a smile, despite the pain. Her arm feels like it is on fire, she can hardly feel her fingers. She is proud of her daughter. Her tall, swift, noisy daughter. Her energetic, headstrong, rebellious daughter. Her caring, empathetic, conscientious daughter who, without being asked, has put her whole entire life on hold for her. For them.

“I didn’t want to wake you, sweetheart. I just wanted to get a drink of water. Your father is fast asleep.”

She tries to push herself up, her face twisting with pain. What she can manage, however, is to hold her uninjured arm out to her daughter.

She remembers Stella reaching up just like this when she was very small, a wordless demand to be picked up and carried. Happy little thing, with bright blue eyes and a head of dark curls, endlessly inquisitive, always looking for contact, for interaction.

I used to pretend I didn’t know what you wanted. Because I was so scared. Scared that I’d do something wrong, that I’d drop you, that you’d get hurt. Scared that holding you would leave me overwhelmed with love for you. You’re the best thing I ever did, do you know that?

Stella pushes her hair off her face. There’s grey creeping in around her temples, there are dark circles under her eyes, fine lines etched around her eyes, around the corners of her mouth. She has never been traditionally beautiful, has always had an uncomfortable sharpness to her, but she has aged well – so she keeps getting told. People don’t usually believe her when she says that she’s well into her fifties. Not like she cares about that, anyway. Stella has never put much stock in appearances. She sighs, crouches down, catching her mother’s hand in hers as she does so. It’s small and cool and fragile, like porcelain covered with parchment, dappled with sunspots.

“You should have called for me, Mum. Are you… are you hurt?” Her voice is low, calm, reassuring. Stella has always known how to pretend.

Assire shakes her head, shrugs her shoulders, winces as she does so.

“My arm… I’m not sure. That was quite the tumble, you know?”

“Can you move it? Your arm, I mean.”

“I’m not sure, sweetheart. I’ll… I’ll be okay, I’m sure it’s fine. I’m just thirsty. And my head hurts.”

“I’m taking you to A&E. Can you hold on to me? We’ve got to get you off the floor.”

“Stella, don’t fuss.”

“I’m not fussing, Mum. I’m trying to look after you.”

Like I always have.

“Just… get me back to bed with a drink and some panadol. It’ll be fine by morning, and if it isn’t, well, you can take me then. Why, we can even take your father along for the ride if we end up going. I’m sure he’d be delighted to pay a visit to his old haunts.”

Assire chuckles, her eyes bright with both mirth and pain.

“Not like the family outings we used to have, huh?”

Stella can’t help but smile. She remembers their day trips, riding in the back seat of the car, her father driving, her mother completely absorbed in the scenery rushing past, a faraway look in her eyes.

“Hold onto me, Mum.”

“Be careful, Stella. I’m heavy.”

“No you’re not.”

Not to me. Not anymore.

She lifts her up as if she was indeed weightless, holding her mother’s frail body cradled tightly against her own.

“Stella. Sweetheart. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Mum. You don’t have to be sorry. Shit happens, yeah? Just… don’t get up by yourself next time, okay?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Stella carries Assire into the lounge, flicking the lightswitch with the back of her hand.

“You… you’ve carried me all your life, haven’t you?” Assire leans her head against her daughter’s shoulder, closes her eyes. It is the truth. The whole, raw, ugly truth that she has never been brave enough to address before. She’s always relied on Stella. How many times has she dragged her back into reality, forced her to connect, reminded her that she is real, that others depend on her, that she has a duty – as a mother, as a wife, as a friend, as a human being. Assire is a riddle, one that Stella had to find the answer to all on her own. Parents shouldn’t be riddles for their children to solve.Parents should be responsible for their children, not the other way around.

I tried. I tried and I tried and I tried, but I didn’t try hard enough, did I? You spent your whole life carrying me, carrying my burdens, and I couldn’t see it. Half the time I couldn’t even see you, because I was so busy trying to figure myself out. I’m so, so sorry. You deserved better.

“Mum, I- alright, real talk. Yes I did. Yes I did and yes I still do. But I don’t mind. Not anymore. Not like I used to. I mean, you’re my Mum. I’m supposed to carry you, aren’t I?”

Assire shakes her head.

“No. My burden – my trouble with myself, I never should have let you witness that. And believe me, I tried. I just… I should have tried harder. Stella, I’m so sorry. And I know that sorry doesn’t make it right. But i wanted you to know. I didn’t understand, then. I didn’t understand for a long time. But now I do, and i am so very sorry.”

Stella doesn’t know what to say. She doesn’t want to hurt her mother’s feelings by agreeing with her. Besides, it’s not as straightforward as that. Stella knows she wasn’t exactly an easy child – climbing out the window, getting picked up spraying graffiti in the middle of the night, caught in an endless circle of rebellion and defiance, wanting so desperately to be seen. To be loved.

But she did love her, didn’t she? She’s said as much just now.

When you love someone, you try. To be better. For them.

Stella can feel her eyes starting to burn, her breath catching in her throat. Something has opened, deep in her chest, no, in her soul.

Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry. Fuck.

“Mum?”

Her voice is small again, almost childlike. She remembers calling for her just in that tone, her little hands tugging at the sleeves of her mother’s cardigan, desperate to bring her back, to make her real, to force her to connect.

“Stella.”

“Do you… do you love me, Mum?”

Stella’s face is wet with tears. She doesn’t care about trying to stop them. She is overflowing, with grief, with love, with connection.

“More than anything, sweetheart. More than anything.”

@bloodwoes gets tagged in this for reasons

[anyu-blue]

So a friendship ended... But luckily in this case it's absence leaves room for better things to grow.

I was rambling in the tags of my previous reblog, but yeah...

'friend' decided that Empathy and Sympathy mean the same thing, that I am not, in fact, an empath/able to put myself in others' shoes/sometimes unwilling pulled or made to feel things against my will (experience things that aren't may own), that NO ONE could feel what he feels or know what he's going through, that I have a messiah complex, that he 100% wants something (that I, being me, cannot/will not provide), and that families and friends cannot possible hold one another accountable/truly be honest with each other.

I have tried very hard for months to be patient with this man. Tried very hard to be a good friend and more. Tried very hard to give him the benefit of the doubt too. But, well, he isn't worth my time and effort I've decided.

Maybe I'm wrong in that I'm an empath and I've just got another form of psychosis. I fully admitted it was a possibility... But I was honestly helped by people being willing and able to kindly explain how they could put themselves into my shoes almost perfectly and WERE me at one point- with all my experiences and feelings... Not with the same names and faces of course, but knowing my experiences aren't so unique and I wasn't so alone as I thought was such a comfort to me. And it certainly feels like I can do the same that they were describing of being in others' shoes.. and that sometimes too it's involuntary..

Of course I was a stubborn teenager at the time I was being told all of this and going through that teenagery 'you don't know what it's like!!' stage... But I learned. I was able to step back and take stock when my hormones weren't flying all over the place (made worse by an undiagnosed hormone disorder at the time (woo nonbinary body!), but I still managed with help and good role models)... I'm sad my former friend never got that and can't clearly draw understanding of stuff like that. He's into his 30s so, well.. it's harder. I get that. In a few years almost on the dot I'll be 30 myself. I know how much harder some of this stuff is now that I'm very much an adult vs when I was a teen.

According to him though... Yes. Empathy and Sympathy are the same thing. Completely overlooking that Sympathy is having a common feeling and being able to feel sorry for someone... And empathy is SHARING a feeling and being able to experience/feel what it is that's being gone through- not just feel sorry (And I'm explaining it this way because he pulled up Definition number two of Sympathy and Definition one of empathy from google and demanded to know how they were different- common vs sharing is definitely a key difference in those Definitions... And Empathy's specified it was an ability on top of that so... Hmm). I wasn't there for that type of ignorance.

Next is the idea that his experience is SO unique I couldn't possibly understand and then his demand of me to explain how he felt if I 'thought I could'. Okay, first of all it's is heckin' RUDE to demand your friends explain how they could 'possibly know' how/why you're bothered by Something... But I did try- after telling him I wanted an apology for him being so rude as to demand that... he half apologised and mostly went into detail about his woeful feelings.... And yet when I told him I made my reply/explanation much earlier in the day and copy/pasted it to our chat from my Docs (which, to be fair, matched what he said incredibly well) he told me that I was 'just regurgitating' what he told me about how he felt. Um... You asked me how you felt and then I told you what it feels like to go through what you're going through and why it's so bothersome (because I've BEEN there myself?)... Only for you to tell me I don't understand and I'm just echoing you rather than feeling anything? Um?? Empathy is FEELING what YOU feel??? Hello??? And you asked me to describe it??? WTF? I wasn't there for THAT either.

And then he had the idea to accuse me of having a messiah complex (because he 'had one too when [he] was younger and had to learn People weren't worth saving'). Okay. I didn't 100% get what that was/didn't entirely trust my gut feeling on the Google Definition... So what did I do? I googled it. And then I asked my sister (without context) if she thought the description matched me before I replied. According to Google and my sister and the rest of my family... I do not have a messiah complex. Not the first Definition of believing to have some calling or right to heal people, nor the second Definition of believing to be responsible for helping people... As I told him I only offer bits and pieces of advice and different outlooks on the same situation because I am trying to be a good friend. Sure I HOPE it'll be helpful or someone might gain Something from it- but I'm not Sharing because I BELIEVE it will solve the problem or that I'm responsible for fixing someone (I know the line is fine and blurry, but I s2g caring for a friend by sharing stuff and believing you HAVE to help someone are TOTALLY different things)... People sharing their experiences and what works for them to help them not be so miserable is what has helped me throughout my life... it's a mark of my best friends. And I truly don't understand some social cues of how sometimes sharing advice or ideas or memories even ISN'T needed, wanted, or helpful... Obviously. (Because I'm clearly neurodivergent- uh, hello?! Can't 100% help it but trying my hardest?!)....

But according to him... I'm just blind and needed to be knocked down a few pegs rather than thinking I'm so great and could possibly understand him/anyone else... Okay. Not here for that.

I admitted to him that sure... Some of my own experiences bleed into empathetic episodes. It happens!! Like when he's told me multiple times that he's been left out with his family (no one shares information or events beyond what's ABSOLUTELY REQUIRED with him- won't tell him a family member is dying but will talk about Christmas sort of deal) and is a black sheep (different political/life views and feelings of only being tolerated) the ways he has... I put my own experiences of being neglected/abandoned into that. He swears he had always been loved and never felt alone/mistreated by his family (even though he's the one who described these things and Is partially why the feelings of abandonment popped up as I went into his shoes more or less-- but hey. Mistakes happen as do unintentional bleeds. I get that it's not perfect because ultimately I'm still me even when experiencing others. I can and will admit to skewing some things like so on accident if it's true.. but I refuse to believe I understand absolutely nothing at all when we are ALL human and typically have emotions and certain reactions to certain things. Most of us REALLY aren't THAT unique!! Sorry.. it's extremely true based on science's understanding/research anyway).

One of the last things he said to me after accusing me of the messiah complex was he just wants me to 'listen and agree' with him about stuff instead of telling him about my/other ways of looking at things, telling him he's off the mark, or trying to help with the misery.... When previously (and over and over and over) having demanded my absolute honesty and having said he appreciates what I do.... I will not lie to him and say he's right in what he's doing or does with a given situation if he's wrong or looking at it through a lens. Duh. That's 'bad' friend stuff. And sure I can listen no problem!! IF I am told outright/first that what he's saying is JUST a vent and not supposed to be a conversation at all. I've mentioned I need that sort of thing!! If it's just a vent, tell me!!! I'll stfu and listen knowing that... But I'm SORRY I CANNOT just outright TELL. It's not a skill I have!! I HAVE been attempting to get better at it... But anyone can tell you text is especially HARD. Especially when we DO have a conversation about it? A back and forth? And you NEVER once say 'i don't want your take. I just want you to listen.' Even my own sisters and I have to stop ourselves and go... Hey... I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm just venting. And then everything gets so much easier!!! And if we can open with that- 'hey, can I vent to you?' OMFGGGGGGGG it's SO much EASIER!!!

... and yet still.. following that... I am INCREDIBLY LUCKY... Because in venting or in sharing and asking for advice and more... MY family is made up of the type of people who can step back and be unbiased!!! And we can stop each other and TELL each other if we are, in fact, fucking up!!! I mean sure... There's always going to be that love and desire for better for one another... Be ALL of us are under the impression that sometimes the people we love are WRONG and sometimes they are BAD no matter how much we don't want them to be.. and it's far kinder to be honest and take the 'right' side than to give each other all the quarters we want. We cannot learn and/or grow if we cannot hold each other accountable... And Sharing experiences and saying why is designed to be a kindness no matter if it actually helps them or not.. But guess what my 'friend' thought of that? ROFL I was obviously under the incorrect impression and my family will always take MY side simply because I'm family...

In the end...

I do NOT need a 'friend' like that. Who questions everything I do, demands more of me/everyone than I/anyone can provide, who cannot and will not learn or be open to learn in any form, and who takes - dude, you're pissing me off. Fuck off for the night and maybe we can talk again in the morning once we've both gotten sleep- as a 'challenge' to prove this that or the other thing and attack their friend... What the ever loving FUCK is WRONG with you?!

... if you want to know what started this whole thing... He was complaining that none of his friends 'will' hang out with him anymore. Totally understandable to feel awful and lonely (and everything I described to him that he demanded I do)...

But he kept taking it father saying people always changed their schedules on purpose or clearly had nothing else going on in their lives but avoided him anyway and stuff like that... And I dared to question and suggest that some of us DO have good reasons for canceling and not spending the time he wants/needs... That some of us have offered compromises that have never been enough but we still try and SOMETIMES life really DOES just get in the way!!! Like my being sick all the time!! I don't WANT to stay cooped up in my house every day fearing even a passing cold will knock me off my feet!! But dude!! I HAVE to!! And People don't USUALLY demand schedule changes!! It usually kinda gets thrust upon them!! Hello??? Don't we live in america where that's WIDELY KNOWN?! Where sometimes people CAN'T take what little spare time they have and spend it on YOU?? ESPECIALLY during a PANDEMIC and other big changes??? That sometimes that time NEEDS to be taken up with simple pleasures like a single player game in their own home?! Don't People USUALLY have reasons for their habits too? Prerogatives/needs that they don't or can't share with others during those habits because MAYBE it's what they need and you just happen not to be a part of it but could be if you actually ASKED what was going on?! Or idk... LISTENED to what they're telling you about WHY-- especially when you yourself admit you are the ODD one who needs other people physically around to recharge (where most other people don't/only get more exhausted)?!

In the end... I did tell him that sure... If he's treating his other friends like this (which clearly he was treating me pretty darn awfully) then maybe YEAH some of them do it on purpose. We already know how younger brother (my ex) does and that he's not exactly shy about that. Friends may do it on purpose eventually- especially if he's treating People awfully and accusing them of doing it on purpose when they DON'T have control over it... Maybe they WILL migrate to doing it on purpose because of the accusations and inability to make him believe life is just messy sometimes!! But they don't want to lose an occasionally really great friend (because good or bad losing a friend is HARD on the mind and body) and/or don't see how manipulated they are?

In which case... He deserves it. Just like he deserved my wrath (at least in part- I was told I took it a bit too far in that I didn't block him sooner. I did make that mistake for sure XP) when he decided to be so fucking rude to me and then piss all over my efforts to try and be what constitutes a good friend.

Fuck you, dude. You're clearly not worth my time.

And of course the very very last word he had was 'you deserve better friends than I am right now.'

Which, while true and would have been sweet, is something I know (and he has admitted to in the past) is a 'feel sorry for me' tactic. It's not 100% true remorse any more than 'oh no I fucked up and don't want to deal with the consequences of my fucking up, maybe this will get them to feel sorry and let me do it again/get away with it.' I've used it too and understand the tactic all too well. So again I say and know he's not worth my damn time.

Without him in that space of my life... I have more room for others and especially more for myself. I don't need that toxicity. I've been that person too and I know it. I still have my days. And yet it's still okay and good I've walked away.

Fuck you, dude. You're clearly not a friend for me.

[bangtan-ballum]

what i remember from the interactive introverts show in belfast (28.5.2018) SPOILERS

 this is all from memory so quotes and the order may not be completely accurate but close enough.. *pretty detailed spoilers*

- before the show began and the playlist was on, 'dans siri' kept interrupting saying "this is dans siri he left me to go look at some memes i hope you’re enjoying the playlist" and it telling us there’s no recording allowed and to turn our phones off or "ill beat you up only i cant because i’m just an ipad"

- the playlist had bts mic drop and red velvet peek-a-boo and everyone started singing and dancing to it and i was shook so many were fans of kpop omg i was liVING. 

- explaining his tweet "the weirdest thing happened, sorry if you’re here but omg that would be weird, we were sat on a bench and then this little boy wearing a fedora walked by, stopped, looked back and did this *tipped his hat* like was that directed at me?? there was no hello, nothing! and then he waited and did it again?!" he asked phil if he seen him and he said he did. dan said "phew if you didn’t i thought, i’ve just seen god, god just came to me in this form to judge me. and if he did id be going down (to hell). i am not prepared for that" 

- talking about the stage and the amazing graphic design and the two big i's at the side of the stage and dan said "look at those long boys" then called them phallic 

- a photo of dan inspired by my horse prince with the caption "ride me senpai" and phil said it was from his own personal files so he doesn’t know how that got there.. 

- phil saying they want to get to know us better but bc theres not enough time for them to take us all out for a coffee and a chat (how cute, and then everyone became soft for them and said aww) so they decided to try to get to know use all at the same time

- the audiences collective name was karen

- "you’re just not there yet. you need to get inside karen" *dan looks at phil in disgust* "phil...join karen, connect with karen" dan later goes onto say "get inside karen" and phil says "see you’re as bad as me" 

things dan and phil will not be doing tonight: 

- 'erotic role playing': *phil wearing a police helmet and carrying a baton* "officer(maybe captain) phil(maybe philly) here, danny’s been a bad boy" then dan appears holding handcuffs "please be careful with the handcuffs i have sensitive skin" 

- the show will also not be a live viewing of dan and phil in their apartment. they then showed videos of them doing things round the house and phil was eating cereal out of the box and dan was on the toilet. 

- the show will not be a giant party with all their friends and they put party hats on and then the voice said “no because none of the people replied to their messages bc they have no friends. none.” lmao 

- the show will not be them stripping and they ripped their shirts off to reveal they had the same shirt on underneath

- "unleash the bees" then "sting me daddy" by dan ofc 

- they tested themselves and had to say the same thing under the topic of "kitchen objects" and they both said whisk and said that they never say the same thing and that was only the second time they’ve done that and they were so happy about it omg

- when doing the simulation part dan was in his fur suit and had to go to the toilets but the men’s was locked and the options we had to choose from was to "ask someone for the passcode" or "use the lady door" (i know) and dan went on to say that this is why we need to diminish the concept of gender and everyone clapped and cheered omg i love him

- during the how many think we know the real dan and phil bit, dan said something about how we know certain thing (that i dont remember) and how we know some of their kinks 

- dan being v concerned about how we kept cheering for satan and judged the people of belfast for seeming happy to be making a deal with the devil lol. 

- during the sacrifice of dan (what context?) phil came out in a leather apron with gloves and said he is wearing his best serial killer outfit. 

- phil getting ready to shoot a spinning dan with an arrow and says "forget katniss everdeen, this is philniss philerdeen" 

-phil misses the board and hits dans hip and dan said “if that was 5 inch to the left then we would not have been friends anymore”

- dan trying to get off the wheel and phil asked if he needs to unstrap him and dan said "i’ve had enough of you unstrapping me" idk if he actually said that but i s2g that’s what i heard at the time and how i will remember it LMAO 

- dan had to untie phils apron and the audience died and dan was done with all of us. 

- phil saying it was distracting watching dan get out of his padded suit and then dan tried to sexily get out of it whilst phil was talking and phil stopped and stared at dan and said "im just gonna let him do it" and so in the end we all just watched as dan struggled to step out of it and then literally also tripped. then a few minutes later he realised he still had one of the shoe protectors on his foot (he called it a shower cap lol) and then took it off and awkwardly walked to the side to set it down then awkwardly walked by and laughed under his breath.

- according to the audience dan has a stress mushroom, apple and a girls motivation locked in the box under his bed. dan was extremely concerned as to why she thinks he has locked an apple in the box. and everyone laughed when the other girl said her motivation and dan said "i too have my motivation locked in a box and i’ve lost the key" 

- phil saying the key to dans box was v 50 shades of grey bc of the red ribbon

- at some point they both said a word wrong and both times they did The Thing™ they do when they mock each other when they make a mistake.

- 'phantastic phacts' as a title on screen. phil says "like what we did there?" 

- dan saying his phil trash #1 

- phil saying “put your nipples away” (when a photo of a topless man appeared on screen) and said it in some type of accent LMAO i died

- dan saying they are super best friends and soulmates -im dead- 

- wholesome howell and x-rated lester made an appearance (they swapped roles and were given topics and phil had to make good things sound bad and dan had to make bad things sound good) also when dans photo of him as an angel with a halo and a rainbow behind him, he looked at the audience, smirked and said "its very fitting" i would like the think he meant the gay ass rainbow behind him but y’know. 

- dan saying to god "implode me daddy" when he had to make the topic of the world imploding seem appealing. phil laughed under his breath and said “never say implode me daddy again” 

- *phil having to make meeting beyonce sound bad and he said bc hes so clumsy that he'd trip and kill her and was really dramatic whilst saying it and dan was stunned and just looked in shock at phil then us and said "are you as traumatised as i am right now" 

- dan having to make stepping in a puddle while wearing socks seem good and screamed and said "NO that is literally the worst thing in the world..ok you dont appreciate dry feet until suddenly they’re not. once a day we should all put on a fresh sock and go to the kitchen and step in something moist just to remember-" phil interrupts shouting no and dan continues saying "do you ever feel like you need a drink. well, with a wet sock you can just- *lifts his foot to his mouth and everyone dies on the spot* 

- dan and phil struggling to pronounce all the irish names and everyone was screaming how to pronounce it and dan made everyone be quiet and squealed "wAIT. just one person" LMAO and then the one time phil said a name right and everyone cheered for him 

- dan would happily become an amazing dancer even if it meant phil would wake up with 2 left hands and 2 left feet because he says it wouldn’t make a difference in phils life bc hes that clumsy now it’d probably be the same with 2 left feet. 

- phil would save dan from being bitten by a vampire even though it would mean that buffy the vampire slayer never existed. they talked about how the vampire could bite him and he could live forever as a vampire and phil said he would bring him bloody treats (then dan referenced to before when phil was x-rated lester*) and said "what kind of bloody treats?? omg it would be beyonce he killed beyonce and will feed me her corpse" then said "no what if they just want me dead" and then phil decided to save him. 

- dan thinks this phil without the fringe is an impostor and he killed the real phil. he screamed a couple of times throughout the show to ask where the real phils body was and said will get him to confess eventually. 

- "are you really just a lizard in a phil suit..because that would explain a lot" phil is a scalie confirmed. 

- phil constantly squatting/slut dropping to the buzzer sound effect 

- i cant remember the context but phil said something about him having layers and dan stopped and said “layers?? are you shrek? what do you think this is, shrek the musical?”

- phil had to say dans biggest fear and he said moths, and it was wrong so he got an electric shock and dan said "wHAT NO! ok right i have this thing where i hate anything underwater. like imagine you’re in the sea, what are you scared of? sharks? woop no, whales? no. but there’s a boat and beside the boat there’s a buoy and attached to that is sLIMEY CHAIN. EW NO. i’ve got submechanophobia. (i googled it i think that’s what he said idk) so its not moths, phil you know that!!" 

in the deep chat bit: 

-they talked about phobias. someone submitted saying she had a phobia of balloons and asked if she was weird and asked what they’re scared off. phil said "no you’re not weird. everyone has their fears. whats yours dan" and dan said "as we discussed before, things underwater, slimey things! uHH. but yeah i get that, its the anticipation of when its gonna pop and that’s stressful" and asked phil what his was and said "i’ve always had a thing where i was scared of the deep sea ever since i was a kid. also, not that its really a phobia but, horses. i don’t like them i don’t trust their intentions. like imagine waking up one day to a horse in your bedroom" lol 

- they talked about procrastination. talked about how changing your environment, like "doing a very not dan and phil thing" and going for a walk (dan squealed at the thought) could help distract your mind, getting some fresh air and then going back to your work with a different mindset. then talked about how phil has the need to reward himself when he does something and said that he always says to himself that if he finishes a certain task that he will reward himself with a marshmallow. and then said that if you reward yourself with something that it could motivate you to finishing whatever you’re putting off. dan said phil is using the example of a marshmallow but that he really does this and that he tells dan not to let him have the marshmallows until he finishes whatever he needs to do. dan then said that even if your procrastinating school work or whatever to just write the first word, or try writing a few sentences bc atleast you’ve started it and if you start writing that you could get into the mindset and keep writing until you finish. 

- they talked about making a youtube channel. someone submitted that he has started a youtube channel about reptiles and if they had any tips. and dan said "omg stephen. phil is probably already subscribed" lmao. phil praised him for starting a channel about something he is interested in and how its bad to start a channel just for the views and the subscribers. then said that instead of talking about what hes going to do, he should "just do it, show us that lizard" and dan said "yeah dont start off like "hi, so my name is [stephen], nice to meet you. ive always wanted to make videos about reptiles but i never rea-" lmao 

- phil saying bitch in his disstrack oh my god 

- the song at the end: "hey buddy can you give me some editing tips" 

- when dan was playing the piano and phil was singing and said that even though they’ve been friends for so long they’ve never fallen out and then starting listing things they could fall out over eg. phils dying houseplants, how dan never goes outside, phils vision is blurry and dans a furry. 

- for the most inaccurate prediction of interactive introverts someone submitted "2 hours of dan and phil twerking to the teletubbies theme tune" and then dan proceeded to twerk whilst singing it and saying the teletubbies names.. 

- d: "its basically two oscars tied together" p: "oh and they’re naked, look at those butts" d: "wow statues of two naked men tied together may not be the best thing to have when its meant to represent us"

there were some really soft things they said at the start and the end, and how we were there bc were happy(?) (i dont remember the exact context or quote but it was something like that, all i mind is that it was v sweet) and idk i just love them omg it was the best night!! 

[gilmoregirlsbigbrother]

EPISODE #4

After Bobby leaves a scathing message at eviction, the week starts with tension building.

Andrew

after Bobby’s hypocritical ass message in the chat that he sent before leaving before anyone could respond (Bella teas) I have realized my goodbye message was too nice. Hey bobby, maybe you shouldn’t expect people to message you when you’re on the block when YOU are the one that should be campaigning. Maybe you shouldn’t just heart react a message when YOU start a conversation without actually replying. Maybe YOU shouldn’t shit on people for not being around when they have to work when the exact same thing happened to you (justice for isaac). Just say you hate dan and get out of the chat djdjskjdje literally no one asked.

Dan

Hey Bobby, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Way to leave before anyone can respond to you. Also, if you had a problem with me you should have been upfront in PMs when I asked you if you had a problem with me. If you ever want to chat about this be an adult and come to me about it like I tried to. Timmy is the superior twin xoxo 😘

Andrew

Nick

The best thing about having an endurance comp when you are in the minority is that you can make it your own destiny and win! Let’s ruin some players moods

After a Counting HOH, Nick wins and Andrew feels threatened. Chelsea butts heads with production, and rubs the house the wrong way with her inactivity. Nick nominates Dan and Karen, to Dan’s surprise. The gang goes House Hunting for POV.

Dan

I love that people think Karen and I are close? I would never use POV on her and that’s just the tea sis. I just feel so betrayed by Nick because I actually liked him, but it kinda makes sense. He’s friendly with Madison and Bobby so he’s probably just letting them control his game. I don’t think I’m a pawn at all and I think I’ll likely go home this week so  :)

Andrew

so ig aligning with clash has paid off at the moment. hes really my only bridge to nick rn. nick didnt put me up and put up karen and dan with the sole purpose of taking out karen. ALLEGEDLY. idk how much i trust it and i feel like i am still very much a backdoor option, as well as sammy bc i still feel like clash could be a snake. clash SAYS that nick wanted to do sammy and i, but that he convinced him to do karen and dan which... i guess. idk like clash and nick could just be playing me and/or sammy for fools but if thats the case then at least im onto it. nick and i supposedly hashed out this dumbass premade shit that madison and her two braincells worked overtime to concoct before she left by trying to label myself, ricky, isaac and karen as a premade. thanks ugly. anyway clash has also thrown JG under the bus to me as snakey and JG keeps saying he wants to work with me but? where? where is it? show me the car fax? i cant with these people i s2g if i get backdoored im gonna eat my own fucking right leg.

(a little while later)

manipulating nick is my middle name. Unless I’m still a backdoor plan ✌️

nick: youre in the majority me: https://twitter.com/i/status/1082847245110657025

Nick

I’m trying my hardest not to ruin everything during my hoh... but I’m just so cut throat sometimes I leave leave people pissed off. I’m hoping I won’t need to name a new nom, but I guess we will see. Dans gotten more and more on my radar after his little outbursts where he’s tried calling me out and emotionally manipulating me. We shall see what happens but I’m definitely now happy with my nom decisions based off the reactions I got to someone just being a pawn.

Andrew

okay so I guess I'm actually working with Nick now....maybe. Also Dan wants to be "spicy" with Drew and I and vote out whoever is next to Karen - which at this point would be Chelsea - which I would be fine with if it weren't for the fact that I'm putting on the guise that I'm selling my soul to Nick when I honslee still don't trust him. That would also require a lot of work bc like........Clash leaked to me about a chat he has w/ him and Sammy and Dani and Chelsea so I'm assuming they're gonna wanna protect her. But then also Liana is prob gonna wanna protect Karen. There's some conflicts of inch rest happening here but we'll get through it ladies. The most important thing is I basically have so far gotten away with murder since the Madison vote and I'm still just tryna stay off the block as much as possible hehe.

Dan wins veto, and Chelsea is the renomination. Instead of campaigning to stay she campaigns to leave, and people stress their annoyance.

Nick

So Chelsea is campaigning.... TO LEAVE. There goes my plan to get rid of Karen who told me in the main chat the other day she just doesn’t wanna talk with me and ima assume she means she never wanted to because that’s how it feels. Whatever I guess. I hope someone I trust wins hoh because I’ve burned a few too many bridges I feel

[latiimer]

yes i had to use this cap because look at that smile??????? why couldn’t we have gotten more of that smile in the show????? also yes you’re all my squad and you’re stuck with me now. none of you are allowed to leave. you’re with me for life. you’ve gotten me through the lows and the highs (because lbr there’s been more lows than highs with the last series *stares at chibnall* and just helping me get through it all and say fuck you to canon where it was necessary like wtf ellie miller would have fuckign been upset why the fuck didn’t we see that on screen and someone stop me now before this becomes a full on post about that shitty thing that i’m saying isn’t and never will be canon because fuck you she would have been upset) and just you’re all so amazing and idek how i had this blog without any of you because just these people are all so important to me and mark and just he needs all of you in his own ways. now before i ramble on here too much (because we all know that i do and will do it again here) let me get into the juicy bits where i’ll try not to make you cry but no promises aka here’s over a thousand words of me rambling about you lot because i love each and every one of you so much

@dsmiller – of course you gotta be first, char. other than me, i think you’re the person that’s been around in the fandom the longest as of late. you’ve come so far since i first saw your little blog pop up in the tags back in december like ???? how has it been that long omg. would it be kinda rude for me to take credit for how far you’ve come??? but just i’m like your proud mum tbh and just it feels as if you’ve been here forever and remember when we were joking that we would only even be a fandom of two people??? well look at us now the wait was so worth it (but i’m not up to them yet, i’m still on you). your ellie is just wow amazing and just you do her so much justice and love her so much. plus also our totally unexpected ship like ?????? i swore for nearly two years that mark/ellie wouldn’t ever be a thing and now i’m having to eat my own words because they’re amazing. i love them so much and tbh i don’t think it could have ever happened with another ellie because your ellie is just the best friend that mark could ever hope for

@failedthelastone / @nctacrank – my wife. the love of my life. how did i ever write on this blog without you???? i literally can’t believe that it’s only been a few weeks since we started talking and even less since we began writing together. you and your beth have just become so engrained into mark and who he is that i just can’t see a way that i can keep going on without your beth as a part of mark’s life. even if it took us too long to actually know each other’s names, literally like it didn’t matter at all because we just get on so well and it’s just like we’re on the same wavelength sometimes actually no more than sometimes. like nearly all of the time. you can be as petty as me (coughthatsextingthreadcough) and just so so brilliant like no joke idk how i went on for so long not having a beth for my mark as just she is so detrimental to him that he needs her more than i can ever attempt to put into words. your writing is just wow amazing and i literally cannot wait to see each of your replies and oh man the hours i have spent awake with your just to talk about mark and beth are ridiculous but i have loved every second of it and do not regret a single thing honestly. you are mine just as beth is mark’s and we’re not going to let either one of you go ever. get used to having us around. you’re stuck with us. also also also i was just about to get onto posting this and i remembered gi! like gdi mark and beth need some family left (and thank you so so so so much for helping me develop mark’s mum like you have no idea how much you’ve helped me but imma shut up now before this literally gets too long though lbr it already is) and just gi is perfect honestly. i can totally see her in the show and just fuck chibnall again because damn it she’s canon whether he likes it or not. literally like they need some kind of family and ffs three series and they couldn’t even give us that??? so yes gi is mark’s sister and that’s not ever going to change no matter what happens at all. he’s always going to be protective as fuck over her and she’s his little sister forever now whether they’re related by blood or not mark doesn’t even care tbh

@amillixnvoices – chloe chloe chloe chloe chloe like do you know how long i have been waiting for a chloe to write with ????? it’s just like nearly two years omg i have never had one for as long as i’ve written mark and just you’re perfection. just the way that you see chloe is amazing and honestly they have the absolute best relationship and mark loves his baby girl so so much and just he’s never going to let go of her. she’s living with him forever whether she likes it or not. you’re always up for anything that i suggest or throw at you and just i’m sorry (not sorry) for all the memes that i send your way because just i need all of the mark and chloe things in my life and there is so much adorableness between the two of them and if chloe thinks she’s lucky to have a dad like mark that just doesn’t even compare to how lucky mark feels to have lucked out and had a daughter as amazing as chloe and just you do her so much justice (even if she is sending texts that mark really never wants to see or hear about again to daisy)

@daisyhardy / @pculcoates – where do i even start??? paul or daisy???? okay it’s gotta be paul because of reasons and those reasons are obviously paul/becca like idgaf what people say about them they are cute and adorable and are going to have half a dozen babies and don’t paul even dare suggest ever having anymore or becca will ensure that he isn’t able to have anymore and it’ll hurt. but legit though i love them so much and am just so glad that i have met someone who appreciates them in the same way that i do because they are so worthy and i am still so wrecked that they didn’t bring becca back during series three because gdi they needed more time together and to not have half of their oh so fucking important scenes cut out of the show (i s2g me and chibnall are gonna have words if i ever meet him). and then there’s daisy and just did i ever tell you that i once had a daisy blog??? it was way back in the day in like 2014 when literally like three people knew she existed and that she had a name from the novel that was released to go along with series one of the show. i do have a point to this and that is that daisy has and is still kind of my baby from back when i played her oh so long ago and just i was kind of nervous when i first saw your blog but just wowwww like you smashed any doubts that i had within a day or two and i’m just so glad that you play her and make her so much more than just hardy’s daughter. also just chloe/daisy being a thing is amazing because gdi chloe needs someone good in her life and daisy is that person

@mangfoldigmuses – ani, literally as i’m typing this you’re calling me satan for giving you feels, but hey i’m nice(ish) and like honestly i couldn’t not include you on this. your alec is just like wowwwww there hasn’t been another one since i started writing mark (a long long time ago now) that he has had any ral sort of connection with and just ???? i could always see that potential, but no one was ever interested in anything like that. okay lbr here and imma just flat out say that hardy isn’t my favourite character in the show but he has grown on me during series three and i think that is partly to do with you as well. your alec just feels like a real person??? idk how to describe it but just he feels real and that he’s more than just a detective in a suit. he’s not just harsh and he has feelings and like there is just so much more to him than we usually get to see, the way that he well acts and pretends kind of if you know what i mean???? but just yes no matter how many feels i give you or how many times that mark almost kills alec inadvertently we still love you okay?

okay i think i’m done (i’m probably not) but legit this is over 1500 words and i should stop typing before i kill my fingers or turn angsty again because this post could take a turn for the worst if i start throwing more sad hcs at you and i’ll be nice this time and not let you all suffer my angst this time

[offrxd-archived-blog]

[ Breaking News: Cheat Sheet to Red leaked; more at 11 ]

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, andrepost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mun name: Caelan (Caemun) OOC Contact: IMs preferably

Who the heck is my muse anyway?

Red (Akai Isamu) was the Protagonist / Playing Character of the first generation of Pokémon Games ( Red / Green / Blue / Yellow ). He follows the typical ‘Heroic Mime’ trope for Video Game protags, thus giving someone lots of room for imagination.

Points of interest:

Red’s Character & Canon comes from the theory that Red falls / leaps off the side of Mt. Silver after his interaction / battle with Gold.  While interactions are typically set at a point after deciding not to take his life, interactions prior his decision / during preparation of his fall are definitely not off the table; they are actually encouraged!

Red’s Muteness was actually something that had happened AFTER his journey. Prior to becoming a hermit on Mt. Silver, Red was as talkative as any other human being. Stress and Trauma from certain events in his journey (eg. Team Rocket) caused a depressive spiral that lead him to climb Mt. Silver to mope ‘waste away’. Here he takes very little care of himself, as well as cause Self-Inflicted Trauma / Injury to his throat as a way of ‘feeling alive’. Due to this he also wears a Face Mask / Dust Mask to keep Dirt and Bacteria from irritating & damaging his throat further.

Red’s Team do not follow any of the games where you battle against him. All of his Pokémon are, instead, based off Pokémon that I had caught in a playthrough of Pokémon Fire Red. This is why Red does not have a Pikachu and instead has a Growlithe as his Main Companion.

Red’s a Kanto Champion. I go by the idea that the League Champion is not just one person, it’s a titled given to anyone that has defeated the Indigo League. There is a Featured Champion title that’s like a King of the Castle style thing where you have to defeat the current Feature Champion to become the Featured Champion. For example, Blue was the Featured Champion for a whole half hour before Red swooped in and took that title from him.

Speaking of Blue, that’s Red’s Rival; not Green. Blue, in this blog’s Canon, is completely different from Green. He’s much more similar to Gary Oak. He’s a spoiled brat that had nearly everything handed to him and Red doesn’t understand at all why everyone loved him so much.

What they’ve been up to recently / Where to find them:

Prior to ‘Decision’ ;;

Red has been living near the peak of Mt. Silver with a few of his Pokémon to try and find a reason to live. He survives by finding interesting stones and items and having his Abra, Pocus, go down and sell them for him in order to buy food. He has himself a nice & cozy little dug-out, too.

Preparing for ‘The Fall’ ;;

Red being defeated by a younger trainer with a lot more potential than him he’s been selling the contents of his bag, donating money to those in need, and re-homing / releasing his Pokémon. He can be found travelling around Kanto one last time during this period.

After Second Thoughts ;;

Red travels around the world, visiting the different regions to get a new look on life. This setting is the most flexible since he could be literately anywhere. Just expect there to be a very happy and goofy Growlithe right at his side.

Current plans:

Red’s plans depend heavily on the setting. Prior to his decision he has absolutely no plans what so ever, he lives day-by-day. During Preparation his plans are to find homes for his Pokémon, sell his contents and give items / money to those who need it, and end his life. After Second Thoughts his plan is to travel the world and experience all that life has to offer him as well as try to fill the National Dex as best as he can.

Desired interactions:

ANYTHING at this point; this blog is so dead. The only active interaction Red gets is in IMs with @xbugz-n-skullzx​‘s Guzma and @pallxtchamp​ / @askgreen​‘s Green. Other than that I have one (1) whole thread o o p s.

Offered interactions:

“It’s Kanto Champion Red!” ;; Interactions where someone recognizes Red as a Kanto Champion is absolutely welcomed, in fact it’s encouraged for those roleplaying characters of the Kanto / Johto / Alola region as they are more likely to know the Kanto Champions than other regions. 

“Hey, I like your face.” ;; I’m a huge sucker for Platonic / Romantic Ship related interactions. Red needs wants friends (and more) to make himself feel whole. If you want our characters to build a blanket fort and watch dumb movies while cuddling in it or stay up till 5am asking stupid ass question hit me up.

“That Growlithe looks valuable, gimme--” ;; Do you roleplay a character from an Antagonizing Team such as Team Rocket or Team Plasma? Does your character want to (try and) steal Bwoofer (or any other of Red’s Pokémon)? Be my guest, my dude; Red will fite u.

“Tell me everything will be O.K.?” ;; Pep talks are always good. Depending on the scenario, Red is good at giving Pep Talks. This scenario is especially good if both Red and the other character feels like the world is falling apart because they can both (try to) give each other pep talks.

Anything else?:

Please don’t force (head)canons on me. Red has been a character I have roleplayed and developed for quite some time. I know there is material that has more characterization to Red, but please note that my portrayal is more so based on Game Verse where there isn’t much to him.

If you begin to insist that Red has to have a Pikachu (or something similar) I s2g I will probably just not do anything because I am a smol bean who is afraid of confrontation oops.

Also, please keep in mind I am (***technically***) one person. I may have bouts of reply delays while still being on IM or other blogs! Time is limited and I also like to do other things; like eat, sleep, and Twitch Stream.

Other than that there’s not much else ayy.

*** I say Technically because I have D.I.D. with a headspace of 8 identities (including myself).

Tagged by: (Technically) @rocketbcss​

Tagging: Whoever Reads This

[terryboot]

and once more i end the day feeling like screaming

everythign was going fine - today was quite and mostly i spent my time sending emails to the help desk about bugs we’re experiencing and stuff. the big one being that for some reason the name of the school isn’t showing up? instead it’s still saying the name of the dummy school the company uses for promotional stuff and examples and whatever. my boss had the same thing happen yesterday but they fixed it for her. so i sent off an email and said it’s happening to me to and the guy responded quite fast and said they had fixed it. but it wasn’t fixed. they logged into my account on their end and said it was working so suggested i clear my cache. i did but it didn’t fix the problem. so i sent them an email asking if there was anything else i could try or should i speak to our IT guys or what and I still haven’t got a reply back to that (possibly because they’re not a brisbane based company so they’re on DST???? is DST still happening???? idk whatever). but i figured it doesn’t matter overly. it’s annoying but its a cosmetic thing that shouldn’t effect anything else and I can still log in and add videos and it’s fine. 

then at 3.30 this arvo i get a call from the head of english. she was planning on showing a documentary about jane austen in her class tomorrow which used to be on clickview but that is now gone so she doesn’t have it and she was hoping I could get it added to the new system for her asap. so i told her i would find it on the new system and send her the link once it was done. but when i tried to log on to get her the link it wouldn’t let me. it just keeps saying there is a user error or something. it was working right up until i asked them to fix the name problem and now it isn’t and no one is responding to my emails and i am going to scream. 

plus on top of that whole situation, none of our videos that we had in the old system have been pulled across (except for the 20 or so i did at the end of last term when i was teaching myself how it worked) and i was led to believe someone was going to do that for me so at some point once i can fucking log on again i am going to have to ask about that or just fucking do it myself. also it seems like some staff have been given log in details and some haven’t and i don’t know why and i am this fucking close to having a fucking breakdown i s2g. 

luckily the school my mum works at uses the same program so tonight i’m gonna ask her to log on and see if she can find the program for me and download it and then i can send it to the english teacher. and then tomorrow i will be on them to fix this logging in problem for me. then i have to email IT and see if they’ve had any more info about how uploading the staff details is going. then i have to email the staff to say we r in the process of switching so im sorry for any inconveniences this has caused you but it is necessary and you are just gonna have to be fucking patient and maybe just fucking find videos online yourself for a goddamn week (but like nicely). and then i will have to email the company and ask about why all my videos aren’t there and say you made it sound like you would take care of it and it should have been done by now. and then i’m going to go into the store room and scream.