#i saw this again yesterday and only remembered to post because someone i'm following got the same question LOL shoutout to bam and anon

[the-one-who-lambs]

A month or two ago someone asked me what the funniest comment I've ever received on a fanfic was and I didn't have the willpower to sift through all thousand and something. While rereading my old Narilamb series I found the one and only true answer.

[archiveikemen]

Koihana Bakumeiroku Prologue: Chapter 10

I do not own any of the Koihana Bakumeiroku content being uploaded on this blog, everything belongs to CYBIRD and Animate. Please support them by playing the game and buying stories. Not 100% accurate, expect mistakes.

read this before interacting with my posts

Rin: E-Erm…?

I backed away in surprise when I saw the unfamiliar man in front of me.

???: … Are you lost?

The atmosphere around the man felt heavy, and there was an air of tension when he spoke.

???: Going to the Ministry of Home Affairs? Follow me.

Rin: Huh?

(How did he know where I was headed to…? Could it be…)

Rin: Are you from the Ministry of Home Affairs?

???: No.

The man responded immediately, sounding slightly displeased.

Rin: Then, how…

???: … (voice: hmph).

Without another word, he started briskly walking away.

(What on earth was that about…? But if I don't go back…)

I fixed my posture and ran after him.

…

— A while later.

???: …

Rin: Oh, this place is…!

The man stopped at the exact place I wanted to go to.

(As expected, it’s better to have someone show me the way…)

However, I was still very curious about how he knew where my destination was.

Rin: … How did you know that I wanted to come to the Ministry of Home Affairs?

???: That’s because…

The man furrowed his eyebrows and spoke in an irritated tone.

???: … I saw it. Yesterday, you walked into this place with a policeman.

Rin: Ah… so that’s why.

(He saw me with Saito yesterday. But he remembers it so clearly…)

Feeling uncomfortable, I looked away from him.

Maintaining his air of dignity, the man muttered.

???: — We will meet again.

Rin: —!

With that, he disappeared amongst the other people present.

(“We will meet again”... what does he mean by that?)

At the same time I felt suspicious of him, I realised that my hands were trembling.

Rin: ! Why…

Even though he was a strange man, all he did was show me the way to my destination. And yet, I felt oddly uneasy about him.

(He gives me the same feeling as that man I met in the forest…)

Although their physical appearances looked different, for some reason, I just thought that way.

…

After returning to the ministry and taking a short break, I felt calmer.

I reported on my work to Kido, and went to meet Mori for work again.

Because of Kido’s concern, he decided that it was time for me to go home.

Mori: Glad to run into you after work. Good job on your first day of work!

Rin: Thank you…!

Mori: How was work?

Rin: I think it went smoothly. Although, I only helped to run some errands.

Mori: That’s normal when you’re just starting out. You’ll be fine once you start gradually increasing the number of things you can do.

Rin: … Got it!

Mori’s warm words naturally put a smile on my face.

Rin: In any case, Tokyo sure has a lot of people. I'm grateful I had people helping me today.

Mori: Helping you?

Rin: Yes. On my way back to the ministry after completing an errand, I lost something by accident… and someone found it for me in the forest.

Rin: Afterwards, I lost my way and someone brought me back to the ministry. He looked a little scary…

Mori: There were people in that sort of place, huh. And the person who helped you was a scary looking man…

Mori appeared to have something on his mind.

(I’m saying weird things again, I think it’s better for me to just keep my mouth shut. I don't want to worry others…)

Mori: … In any case, it’s alright as long as you're safe!

Mori: I got some dessert from the government building just now, let’s enjoy them together when we get home. I’m looking forward to tasting your cooking.

Rin: Fufu… okay!

(... I’ve only been in Tokyo for two days, and so much has happened already.)

(Although there's still many things I’m not familiar with… I met many kind people, and I feel that I’ll be able to keep going.)

The most important thing was for me to regain my memories.

I hardened my resolve while picturing in my head the faces of the people I’ve met.

(I’ve had many memorable encounters.)

(However…)

The face of a man who particularly stood out to me appeared in my mind.

(Out of everyone, I’m most interested in that man.)

With a ticklish feeling in my heart, I slowly closed my eyes.

The kind of turbulent fate I would find myself in with him still unknown to me—.

[cheldardo]

Nintendo fire this man!!!!!! 💥🔥🔥🔥

I gotta talk about this because i've been obsessed over this since like yesterday

Remember the "nintendo hire this man" joke meme thing?, well the person that made that mario in unreal engine goes by CryZENx

Now i never followed cryzen but i saw he posted a showcase of his ocarina of time remake, i came into it thinking: it's been a long while since then, perhaps he's gotten better

as i kept watching his video showcasing the OOT demo there were a lot of blatant errors and weird inconsistencies in the quality of models, animations were pretty rough too, they're good enough most of the time but just that

this was one of the inconsistencies that caught my attention the most, i didn't watch the whole video where he showed every stage he's made but i was skipping through the video and immediately recognized that guy under the tree is literally just the n64 model (screenshot taken from a comparison video)

i can't say for certain but i wouldn't doubt if there are more models that are straight up ripped from the original n64 game and slapped on unreal with the only difference being the lighting

there's many more models which look just fine, but they don't look that great, and again, the animations aren't helping the overall look

i also skipped through that comparison video and well at least most models look way better... but then i remembered, there's a 3DS remake of OOT, so i got curious and well

that's right, some models are just slightly modified / retextured from the 3DS remake, i'd love to check for more, i'm sure these aren't the only models that have been either a straight rip or changed just a bit, this is just in kokiri forest btw

you can argue he's trying to keep his stuff as faithful to the original as possible, but there's barely any effort or thought put into it, he's just putting the 3DS models in a new engine and calling it a day

okay but there's a good amount of modeling that actually looks great, like link's model, i think he did a great job on it, and it also makes sense since you're going to be seeing him all the time

now i'm no game dev (yet) and i don't use unreal (and plan to keep it that way) and right now i've only talked about the visuals, but there's also a ton of bugs and glitches some small, some others i wonder how they even happen, like not being able to move backwards and to the left, also on that same video there's this interesting comment

and that same person who commented is also working on a ocarina of time unreal engine remake

now by checking the wayback machine on his patreon page it seems he was getting about 150 dollars in late 2017, in 2019 it went up to around 400 and in mid 2020 and it had gone up to 1,000 and by 2021 he was making around 2,000

it'd be one thing to just make this as a passion project or just for fun, but people are giving you money, from september 2023 to 1,500 to 8,100 and right now as i write this he's at 14,000 members, he's only showing the number of members and not how much he's making but you can imagine it's a LOT of money

this is as far as i'm gonna look into this for now, but i'm sure there are a lot more issues, i don't hate cryzenx and you shouldn't attack him but it sucks seeing someone do almost the bare minimum and sacrificing clarity and style for realistic physically based rendering

[yasmimgo760]

Shells in the sea

Since it's been a long time since I've done anything about my AU, and I had an idea for a scene yesterday, I decided to post it, because I really liked it

There was an island, far from the rest, where the sea was beautiful, it had many plants that were beautiful just like the sea and the sun was shining

But just because it was far away from everything and everyone, doesn't mean there was nothing, there was someone, and that someone was a little girl

This little girl was walking around the island, passing through some huge leaves and some rocks, and walked along the sand on the beach, she wanted to reach the sea, which always made her open a smile

She always went to the beach when she had the chance just to be close to the sea, which she loved. Then, she saw a little turtle, and was immediately fascinated by it, she thought it was so cute and small, and followed it as it walked through the sea

When she managed to get her little feet on it, she saw the little turtle swim away, so she waved to say goodbye, and she suddenly saw something, she saw a beautiful shell being dragged by the waves, it was shiny and had pink and orange details

She got even more excited when she saw the shell, so she kept walking through the sea to get it, and even with a little difficulty, she managed to grab the shell and hold it in her little hands

She was amazed to see the shell in her hands, it was more beautiful than it looked, but it was not the only shell in the sea, there were many others near her, so she went after each one of them

She didn't want to leave any behind, she held all the shells she could in her hands, and when she managed to get the last one, she stopped walking in the middle of the sea when she saw the colorful fish swimming around her, and she looked at them with a big smile on her face

Until suddenly, she heard a voice, a voice that sounded worried, calling the name Seashell, and she looked at the place surrounded by plants from which she had passed

So she walked slowly back to the sand, and saw a man appearing through the plants, who had a worried expression on his face, and seemed to be looking for something

"Seashell!" The man screamed when he saw her on the beach, and ran to her to pick her up and hug her. "Oh my god, what are you doing here? You got me so worried" He said as he looked at her with the same worried expression as before

"Sorry daddy, I just wanted to go to the sea :<" Seashell said to him, and that's why he was so worried, he was her father, and she suddenly disappeared from his sight

"Oh, baby girl, you shouldn't have gone alone, if anything happened to you, I would never forgive myself, and the island is too big for you to go out alone" He said to her softly, as he gently hugged her in his arms

"I'm sorry again, I won't do that again, I promise" She said as she looked at him with a face that showed she was feeling sad and guilty, she didn't want to cause any trouble

Seeing her sad look, he feels his heart breaks, he hated to see his little girl sad, so his gaze softened. "It's okay, sweetie, and don't be sad, I really hate seeing you like this, I just want you to be more careful, okay?" He nuzzles her and kisses her forehead

Seashell giggles and doesn't feel so bad anymore, and she remembers that she still has the shells and shows it to her father. "Okay, and look, daddy! I get a lot of shells in the sea, aren't they beautiful??" She said excitedly to him with a adorable smile

He looks at the shells and smiles, even more to see his girl so happy. "Wow, they are really beautiful, baby girl, good job on getting so many" He says, and she smiles with pride. "And you know, we can do something really cool with them"

"Really? And what can we do with them? :O" She asks curiously. "We can make necklaces using them, we can save some and use others to make necklaces that I'm sure you'll love UwU"

"Oohhh, I want to make necklaces! Will you teach me? :D" She asked with a smiling and excited expression, she loves it when her dad teaches her new things, every new thing was amazing for her

"Of course I will, and I'm sure you'll make beautiful necklaces UwU" He puts her down and takes some shells from her hands. "Let's go, my little shell" He holds one of her hands

"Let's go, daddy UwU" She walks away from the beach with her dad holding her little hand, and before the beach disappears from their sight, he looks to sea with a smile, but it suddenly turns into a sad one, but he doesn't think about it and continues walking with his daughter, and they spend the rest of the afternoon making necklaces, just like they wanted

[the-acid-pear]

Had a Dream today. Kind of ended waking up after confronting my mom bc how angry I was. Bit of a fucking we need to talk about Kevin fanfiction edge too for some goddamn reason (never watched the movie although I don't like the evil kid narrative at all, and I really don't like it if my dream had to pull it up, BUT i did find this fucking post which i do enjoy. I did kind of just see the scene of her breaking his arm yesterday and it pissed me off that greatly I guess but anyway...).

Dream itself breakdown: we spent a lot of time preparing to go to space, a few people did before me. I remember there was this... Drag queen or simply femme, she looked like lady bear but dark skinned. There was also some dipshit who kept selling us shit we needed and said the name of the item like a little song. I tried to steal his thing as revenge but he won again when we were inside the space ship and he sold us canes (I was trying to sell cream, and I didn't even have enough for us all).

The space trip was ok btw the girl went in first and we followed suit (I think she was fucking piloting? Slay). At first I was dizzy and scared just Sleeping because I was Anxious. But then I opened the eyes after told so and I saw the stars and got scared of getting height fright on the moon but then I saw, a neighborhood? And we got off like it was a car and we started wandering.

And everything was pretty normal? Not a lot of people outside but I saw a few with minor changes like weird ears or scaly legs but otherwise very normal. I walked with my dad and step mom and when they pointed out we didn't see anything odd I was like "I saw [dad, step sister and I] a few houses back" and he was like why didn't you tell us?! and we started backtracking but we got distracted with this blue tiled house in a corner street with cats outside and around. I got stuck in the fence but my step mother opened it from the side. I got worried about House Invasion but brushed it off bc cut weird cats.

Inside the house a guy with missing a few fingers in his left hand lived. He was dilfy. Short, fat, bald, beard, a little tanned. Few scars here and there too. He wasn't anything to write home about appearance wise, peak some guy, but he was a kind ass man. He might've had family but I didn't pay attention to them.

We nearly burnt his fucking house down. Like straight up. I don't know how the details but I remember it was all Minecraft for a second and we were hitting the fire to turn it off but it was spreading and I went inside the basement to continue doing damage control but then was like WOW [name] YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BASEMENT bc he did it was like, the brick was blending w the hole and there were tools to the side IT WAS PRETTY, OK? But then I got stuck bc it was 2 blocks deep so I had to start screaming for help and for some reason when he came to help me out he handed me his Bad hand and I squished it to pull my fat ass up and he winced but didn't say anything.

And then, the star of the show! The fucking Kevin and my mom coming out of nowhere scene. Because someone asked him to talk to the kid (bc my whole gripe w the movie is the arm scene he was in that age range, though he was a different kid entirely, he was even blonde). And of course bc this guy is a hero he managed to talk to the kid and reason with him and IN MY DREAM it all really boiled down to neglect, him even saying "if we went missing mom would only realize when the dog didn't come back too" and idk what the guy said (I'll call him George bc i think that was his name) but he managed to convince the kid to change for the better and, recommended fucking treatment w cannabis? And then we left.

And then we left and I'm walking down the street with my mom. It was sunny, before we were in somewhere like Varela now it was closer to Avellaneda. I don't know if I started talking or if she did but I know I started screaming, because what the kid had said applied to me too. Actually, in fact, that kid might've been me? Or something like that like we were different timeline versions of each other, there was a George that looked like a regular suburban dad and not a monster hunter (George might've had an eyepatch the more I think of it, he might not be bald too?? IDK I digress) so my anger wasn't just projecting but something else. So I started screaming at her about how little she cared about me and then she faced away and I lowered my head and reached up but she intercepted me going "never lower your head when facing me!" but I countered with "I wasn't lowering my head I was trying to make you face ME" and then I grabbed her by the jaw so she'd look at me in the eyes (my mom is half a head taller than me btw) and I couldn't say anything else because I woke up.

So yeah. Gotta love dog symbolism innit?

[widows-writings]

Happy Ending

Chapter 2

Chpt 1.

Summary: Summary: An old friend of Bruce's comes back after being gone for over 20 years. She was kidnapped, created into a weapon. When Talia loses her home and almost her life, she moves in with Alfred and Bruce. Talia decides to take sides with Batman to figure out more about who was trying to kill her, which blurs the lines between the secret life that both Bruce and Talia share. After finding out his secret of who he was and what he knew, Talia finds herself, living the life that she wanted, away from all these secrets. A life with Bruce Wayne. A life where they are happy and Gotham is what it should have been. The thing is, it's not a fantasy and it's not real life, it's somewhere in between. Bruce has to try and get to her as both himself and as Batman before the people that are trying to kill Talia complete their goal.

a/n: No, this wasn't by popular demand, I just fucked up enough and I wanted to be nice, I might just post another chapter tomorrow, but I haven't really been working on this since I worked yesterday. This chapter is kind of angsty, kind of not, idk how to describe it,. It either way, it exists. So here you go. Again I'm also very sorry for the confusion that I caused with my last post because I don't know how to work Tumblr.

Warnings: Cursing, alluding to torture, trauma, kidnapping, if there is anything else, please let me know.

Words: 2,634

The next morning, she woke up. She was in her room, in her old bed. Nothing had changed, it was all the same it was, the way she left it. Even her parents didn’t change anything. They never had another kid after her. She was the only one. Talia had to rack her brain, trying to figure out what all Christopher had told her last night. The only thing she could remember was that he was happy that she was back, anything past that, she didn’t know. Talia rubbed her forehead and sat up in bed. Christopher had taken her coat, but she was still in her uniform from earlier. She made fun of Batman for how stupid he looked, she was never going to let him see this.

A uniform given to her by the people who kidnapped her, that raised her to be a fighting machine. That’s what it was. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. What was she going to do? Who was she going to see? What was she going to ask? Talia was new to Gotham again, she needed to rediscover what had been lost to her, she needed to figure out where she stood. It was time for a history lesson. It was time to relearn everything about her home. If there was some guy dressed as a bat running around, what else changed?

She got out of bed and her legs dangled over the edge, her toes barely touching the ground. Talia pushed herself up and onto the floor and let her body readjust. She stretched, then let her arms fall at her sides. Talia opened the door to her bedroom and found a note on the floor, next to some clothing. They were her mother’s clothing, she would have recognized the shirt at any given moment. These were your mother’s, hopefully they fit well. Talia grabbed the clothing and closed the door and got changed.

It was nice to not be in the uniform, but part of her missed it. The uniform had been a part of her life, it had been her for years. Talia knew she had to let it go, but as she looked at herself in the mirror, she knew that she needed to be something, someone else. She draped the uniform over the back of the chair and headed downstairs, following the sweet smell of chai tea. In the kitchen was Christopher, there was another man next to him, he was using a cane to prop himself up. He had a large smile on his face. Talia figured that she should know him, but nothing came to mind.

Talia looked below on her right side and saw the sitting room. There was another man sitting there. She would have sworn he was just picked up off the street. He wore clothing way too big for his frame and sunglasses. He looked hungover, but to an extreme level. Talia shook her head and walked down the stairs, sliding her way into the kitchen. She was greeted with a hug from Christopher, who kissed the side of her head and handed her a cup of chai tea. She nodded in thanks and took a sip. If she could stay there and soak in the sweet taste of what was dancing on her tongue, she would. She would stay there forever. It was the other man in the kitchen that startled her.

“Oh my dear girl, it’s good to see you.” Alfred. He sounded older. Of course he was older. “I’m happy your back, there was just something missing the entire time you were gone.”

She gave him a smile and a nod. “I’m happy to be back as well. My absence hopefully didn’t cause too many problems.”

“No matter how long you are gone, there is always going to be something missing.”

Talia gave a weak smile and took another sip of her tea. Alfred turned towards the sitting room, at the man that she swore was asleep and shook his head. He walked over and shook the man awake. He snorted awake and looked around, terrified of where he was. Alfred bent down and whispered something in his ear and Talia felt his eyes on her, even through the sunglasses. They were burning into her skin, picking her apart, trying to figure out who she was. His lips pursed and he leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. Unspoken familiarity between the two of them.

“It’s Mr. Bruce Wayne, Mistress.” Christopher whispered to her.

“I care why?”

“An old friend can make adjusting easier.”

It made her sick to think that she needed to readjust to the place that she called home. What was she after all these years? A stranger? Someone that Bruce barely knew? She could be…nothing at this point. She took another sip of her tea and nodded her head. She walked over to the sitting room and sat down across the way from Bruce, trying to understand him. Figure out who he was now. He was so different from the boy that she used to know. He is hurt, unconsolable. Someone that she barely knew. She set the cup on a coaster and leaned back into the seat she was in. Alfred left almost like it was written in a script.

“You’d think they’d written it.” She muttered.

“Planned it more likely.” His voice had dropped an octave and a half since the last time she had heard him speak.

“Are you serious?”

“If I was joking I wouldn’t be here right now.”

“And where do you want to be Mr. Wayne?”

“Asleep.”

“Me too, to be completely honest. I feel like I’ve had at least 3 bottles of vodka right down the hatch.” She whispered, laughing to herself, she saw his lips twitch up.

She couldn't describe what she was feeling, it was an old, familiar feeling. She ran her fingers through her hair, smiling while looking at the ground. Bruce looked like he was on the verge of falling asleep again and Talia shook her head. She knew that Bruce needed the sleep and she would be able to catch up later, so she walked over to Alfred and Christopher and gave them both a small smile. She knew that they were going to be defeated when she told them that the conversation was being cut short, but she would make it a note to visit Bruce and Alfred in Wayne Tower.

"Alright, well you best come and visit us. It gets quite lonely in the tower." Alfred said. "Having someone to share tea with is more than a pleasure."

Talia smiled and nodded her head, looking at Christopher, who was wearing a smile, but he wasn't actually happy. She knew that he wanted her to catch up with them, hoping that it would make the news that was awaiting her easier to swallow, but he should have known that it wasn't going to go that way, she was going to fight every step of the way, she was going to do this her way or it wasn't going to get done. She was going to catch up on her own, and that was that. She didn’t need help from Bruce or Alfred, what she needed to know, she was going to learn on her own. That’s how it had to be.

Alfred gave Talia a hug goodbye and whispered that she was always welcome at their place if she needed a place to relax. Somewhere that she might be able to call a second home. She only smiled and thanked him in response. Bruce only shook her hand, but Talia could tell that there was something very different about him. Whether or not he was the playboy that everyone made him out to be, there was something there that Talia could only describe as…unmitigated pain. He was hurting and it was beyond whatever personal traumas he had faced, it was bigger. Almost as if he was shouldering the whole weight of the world on his shoulders, like he had to fix everything that was being tossed his way. She told him to get rest and to feel better, to which he only nodded.

She watched as Bruce and Alfred left, Bruce barely being able to stand from how tired he was. He really was using the money to do whatever he wanted. Whatever hangover she had, he must have had it so much worse. Talia went back into the sitting room and sat back down, grabbing her tea and taking small sips. Christopher followed her and sat down next to her, newspapers in hand. He looked nervous and Talia didn't like that, it meant that there was news that was going to be hard for her to process in that pile of papers. She had been trained to work through this, to not have grief, to not really have emotions, but there was no stopping it, she was human. She had been the worst at suppressing her emotions, but everything that had been prepped, it's almost like Christopher knew that she was going to be coming back.

The world that she knew, it really had changed to the point where it was almost unrecognizable. It was nothing like what she remembered. She knew that, she should have known that the second that she saw what happened to the Wayne Estate. How could she think, this was her home, these people had been like her family. She just wanted it all to be the same, to be the way that she left it, just like her bedroom. She knew that it wasn’t going to happen, it was an empty wish, a dream. Something she will never have, so when it came time to know what had been happening in Gotham for the last 20 years, Talia knew that she was in for some really big surprises. What she wasn’t expecting were the two that she was hit with right out of the gate.

"I'm sorry. There are things in here I wish you didn't have to know about, but I promised your mom and dad that I would tell you about everything important, starting with their death." He grabbed Talia's hand while telling her this. She squeezed it, hearing about her parents death. "The other important thing you need to know is that Bruce's parents died." That was another punch to the gut.

When her parents weren't around, Bruce's parents were there. They were here non-biological aunt and uncle. Hearing about their death was one of the harder pills to swallow, she already knew about the Batman due to their meeting the night before, but everything else, crime and all of that. It was a hard pill to swallow. She thought that things would get better, that Gotham would have been okay, but she should have known that the second she saw a man dressed as a bat, that shit had hit the fan when it came to crime. She shook her head when Christopher finished and gave him a look, her eyes filled with tears.

There was so much that she didn’t know about, so much that she missed out on. She hadn’t grown up here, she wasn’t from Gotham anymore, she was from somewhere else. The city had grown and changed so much over the years, that it was hard to call it home anymore. Talia shook her head, processing everything that had just been tossed her way. Her mind wandered, taking her back to her kidnapping, back to why she was taken. She didn’t know why. She wanted to know why, so it was the first that she asked Christopher to explain to her.

"Why did my parents give me up? Was it so I could miss all of this? Was it so I couldn't help?" She whispered.

"Your parents believed that if they sent you away, you would come back and could defend Gotham, much to what Batman is doing." Christopher told her.

"You're wrong. My parents turned me into a monster and you knew that. They didn’t send me away to protect Gotham, they sent me away to become a killing machine. Do you know what they did to me there?”

“I don’t need to be reminded.”

That was possibly the part that hurt the most. He knew what they were doing to her and he didn’t do anything. He didn’t stop them, he didn’t protect her. That was his job, he was supposed to help her, to keep her safe and he just let them take her and torture her, beat her, give her powers that she didn’t want. He let them turn her into the killing machine that she is now. She knew that he couldn’t do anything, if he even spoke out against her parents, who knows what would have happened, but still. All she could feel was pain in her heart and she wanted to get rid of it. She didn’t want to feel the emotions that she was feeling, she knew that if she let herself feel them, something bad was going to happen. She took a couple of deep breaths, letting them out as slowly as she could, hoping that it would keep her emotions at bay.

“I can’t believe you knew,” She whispered, her voice breaking. Her second time crying in the last 24 hours and it was about two very different things.

“I swore to do nothing, I swore to not interfere.”

“Yeah. Well that turned me into a monster. I’m not who I used to be.”

Talia stuck out her hand and blue mist surrounded her hand and the cup that was beside

her. She closed her fist and the glass shattered, the tea suspended in the air. This was one of the few times that she was using her powers outside of when they asked her to. When they asked her to throw the people that she was with, when she was trained in combat with the powers. To keep her at bay, they put her in a sock collar, a straight jacket and a muzzle. They treated her like an animal and he knew. He knew all along what they were doing to her and didn’t dare do a thing.

The look in Christopher’s eyes was terror. Not even he knew the extent of what they had done to her. He knew about the combat training and all of the other things, but her possessing magic abilities like this was kept from him. The woman that was sitting next to him was hurting and now he could see why. She was a lost child, she just wanted a normal life and she didn’t get one, she was tossed into training and she wasn’t given the chance to grow up, to become the adult that she was meant to be.

Christopher hung his head and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to hide the fact that he was crying. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve this. You didn’t deserve any of this.” He struggled to say through sobs.

Talia watched as he cried in front of her. She couldn’t bear to look at him. She didn’t know who he was anymore. He was a stranger. There was hopefully one person in the world that she could talk to about this and it was Alfred, but knowing how her family and the Wayne’s talked, he more than likely knew, which meant that Bruce knew too. She was going to assume that everyone that was in her inner circle knew about what had happened to her, and it made her sick to her core.

“I don’t know you anymore.” She whispered and headed up to her room.

******

Taglist: @hollandorks

[www-artforoddballs]

Alright, so notice. Most of you probably know this, since you're following me for the Autistic Levi stuff (thank you, we're closing in on 100 followers!!!!), but people with autism can have "tantrums". I've kinda touched on this in a previous post (it's a full meltdown, but you can see that post here https://www-artforoddballs.tumblr.com/post/644803780958879744/autistic-levi-angstkinda-i-guess-this-is-him). For those of you who DON'T know, an autistic tantrum is not the same thing as what you'd think of in regards to a toddler or kid, it's just the word used for it. This is a mistake my mother and I made when getting the paperwork done while I was going through testing that later got cleared up lol

I had a tantrum yesterday, and so I figured that I could post about Leviathan having a tantrum, since it's still ready on my mind. I don't care if anyone else is proud of me for coping with it as well as I did, since it's a major improvement from last time I had one, but I am proud of myself!...with that in mind, here we go!!

There will be some angst in this post, like the last post in relation to this one, but like the last post, it turns out fine.

However.

Trigger warning for things such as self harm, both physical and verbal. If you or a loved one is self harming, either reach out to someone for help or reach out to that person to help, yeah?

OK on with the post.

-------------

First of all, Levi's autism is part of why his brothers always agree to help when there's a raffle for tickets or something like that on the DDD messages, because he can get overwhelmed if they don't at least help, even if he doesn't win in the end.

They figured out that his autism was the culprit for this shortly after his diagnosis.

Now when I'm writing for Levi, I like to think that his diagnosis was around the early 1990s since, while autism was a separate diagnosis in 1980, it didn't really start becoming fairly accepted and expanded upon until 1987. Hence why everyone is mostly used to it by now, but are still sometimes off put by his odd behavior; for them, as beings that have been around since...the beginning of the universe, pretty much as far as we know, but for at LEAST since humans were around (so at VERY least 2.5 million years now, but potentially up to around 7 million years (if they haven't been around since the beginning of creation)), this would be like...I dunno, give me a second.

Waiting

Waiting...

Okay, so from 1990(earliest year I have in mind) to 2019 (the year it was released) is 29 years. That's a minimum of 1/86,206.89th of their lifespan, and a maximum of 1/475,862,068.96th of their total lifetime.

So this is a VERY recent development for them on the grand scheme of things, but I digress.

So they're still figuring everything out, especially as the human race continues to learn about the condition itself.

So the first time Levi threw a tantrum and they recognized it for what it was...it was certainly interesting.

What had happened was exactly the situation described; Levi had wanted to go to a concert in the human world and they were raffling off free tickets. Except, unlike now, his brothers hadn't offered their support. They hadn't in the past, why would this time be any different?

Except now they viewed it through a different light. Leviathan had an image in his head that he desired so badly and had asked his brothers to support him, hopeful, only to be rejected at every turn. That he was used to, but it was still upsetting.

He put that to the side, though. He really wanted to see this band, and these were VIP tickets where you got to hang out with the band for a few hours after the concert! They'd cost a LOT of human money, and while they COULD afford it, he knew Lucifer would be bringing hell down upon him if he used that amount of family funds on a concert. And his anxiety was already somewhat raised, so he decided to enter the raffle on his own.

He sat there for hours, waiting for the results to come in. He'd hyped this up in his brain the entire time; He'd win, go to an amazing concert, have dinner with the band, maybe even make some friends....!...and then the results came back. He hadn't won.

As per usual, our snek boi went into one of his rants about how unfair it was, but instead of going on a rampage or something like that, locked himself up in his room and cried, hating himself for getting so excited over nothing.

As I mentioned before, I've made another post about a tantrum/getting too overwhelmed slipping into something even more dire, as that's almost always what happens to me. This would be in the 90s, so this would be their first real incident with one of these moments where they had the proper diagnosis, so bear with me, there will be some angst here, but like the other post, it'll be fine.

So Mammon ends up feeling bad for rejecting his little brother, and, not knowing it was too late, decided to go to his room and offer his support. It was almost Leviathan's birthday anyways, and Mammon knew how rejection felt and how much it sucked. So, he knocked on Leviathan's door.

No response. He knocked again...still no response, but a quiet sob.

Right away, Mammon switched from semi-carefree to worried. "Levi...?"

Again, no response. He decided to just go in and check on his brother...

The door was locked. And he smelled blood.

"Leviathan, I need you to open the door," Mammon said with a half hearted chuckle, his voice now becoming slightly strained. "Because if ya don't, I'm gonna have t' break the door down."

"Just go away!" Leviathan cried from inside his room. "Just leave me alone, you jerk!"

"I ain't goin' anywhere. Either open the door or I'm gonna break it down. Those are your two choices."

A moment of silence, before Mammon sighs, stretching, as he transforms into his demon form.

"Alright, option two it is."

He rammed into the door repeatedly, before the wood finally splintered and fell to the ground with a loud thud. Mammon quickly looked around, eyes widening as he saw Leviathan digging his own sharpened nails into his arms, multiple raked wounds, made by the same culprit, carved into his skin.

"Levi...look at ya..." Mammon said, voice faltering, tears welling up in his eyes. "I...how long has..."

"Just shut up! Don't act like you care about me, I'm the freak of our family, remember?! I'm the one whose brain isn't right, I'm just a shut-in, good for nothing, re-!"

He was quickly cut off by Mammon going to him and hugging him.

"I don't care who you are. You talk about my brother like that again and I'll kill you. Alright? You're a little off, but you ain't a freak, and your brain works just fine as is. You're perfect just the way you are, and if anybody else says any different, I'm gonna beat them the fuck up. Including you. Got that? So what if you've got that fancy lable on ya now...? Labels like that matter, but it didn't change ya. You're still my cringe, annoying as hell little weirdo of a brother...and I wouldn't have ya any other way."

Leviathan fully listened to Mammon talk, before clinging to him, breaking down sobbing again, and trying to explain what happened through his tears, the older demon gently rubbing his back and allowing him to cry it out, making sure no more harm was done.

A while later, once Levi had calmed down, Mammon ruffled his hair.

"Let's get you cleaned up, yeah? Lucifer is already gonna kill me for breaking your door, but he'd be even more pissed if I just left you here with those wounds."

So they did. And Mammon, after telling a VERY angry Lucifer what had happened hours later, had surprisingly NOT gotten chewed out by the eldest brother. Instead, that day, the entire family had a long discussion, and they all agreed that if it was something as small as entering a raffle, or even if it was bigger but not an inconvenience to anyone in the slightest, they'd all help out from then on. It's not like it was hard, and it would save Levi from hours of stress and negativity toward himself and others around him.

They also made a plan for if a tantrum were to happen while someone was around, or if he became too overwhelmed and started to spiral...because, as annoying as he could be, Leviathan was still family. And they loved him, oddities and all.

---------------

Alright, so...that was the post! I hope it was okay. I know I've written about this type of thing before a little, but different situations can end up with the same negative outcome, like being in an overwhelming situation, or not being able to change your thinking and not easily being able to get over your expectations. I've personally suffered with both, and it's a regular thing for me, so I like writing about it, because maybe, just maybe, it'll help someone out, or help someone that isn't autistic understand a friend or relative or classmate or employee better. And I love these characters, I really do. The only ironic thing is that I see so much of myself in Leviathan, but I adore him and despise myself. Go figure 😂

Regardless, I hope you enjoyed, and if there's anything you guys have questions about (in regards to me and my experience), or any specific writing requests, asks are fully open!

Thanks so much for being here to support me, you have no idea how much it means to a little oddball such as myself.

[julyarchives]

Don’t You Hear Me Howling? || (M) || 08

Finding out you are a female Alpha sparkled some rivalry inside your pack, and resulted in you losing your best friend and your life turning upsidedown, so leaving for college was the fresh start you needed. Years later, you are about to finish your degree and suddenly this past comes back to mess with your head.

→ Pairing: Yeo One x Female Reader | Kino x Female Reader

→ Genre: A/B/O AU; Omegaverse; College AU.

→ Words:  3.8K

→ Contains: mentions of alcohol; wolf shifting; some Alpha-Alpha tension; Y/N making out with a special guest 👀; smut; Jealousy

→ A/n: Thus was supposed to be posted yesterday, but we sort of got lost in the calendar, so here it is now (oops?) we hope it isn't too lame and you guys like it! Also, as mentioned in the warning, there is a special appearance heheh.

→ Index: 01 • 02 • 03 • 04 • 05 • 06 ��� 07 • 08

As much fun and easygoing as things were for you, you felt glad for the holidays break. You got out of the cab and breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of the reservation forest that boarded the neighborhood.

Every year your pack has their own ritual to celebrate your ancestors during the holiday, and you were actually looking forward to participating this year, after missing it since you started college, for many personal reasons - and one of them included a very difficult talk with your parents. Also, so much has happened this semester that being in the small city allowed you to breathe some fresh air and organize your thoughts.

Your parent’s received you immediately as you went through the front door, with big hugs and wide smiles.

“It’s so good to have you home” your mom patted your head, her small frame making her reach high to do so.

“Let me take your stuff to your room” Your dad grabbed your luggage and turned around to take them upstairs

“Oh, it’s fine, I can take them” You tried to stop him, but he pretended he didn’t listen. But you knew he loved feeling like the man of the house. You redirected yourself to your mom “I think I could use a shower and a nap, the trip was too long.”

“Of course, honey, I’ll call you for lunch.”

You crossed paths with your dad in the doorway, who offered a small smile. He wasn’t very fond of small talk, so that was usual of him. You closed the door behind you and sat on the edge of the twin bed centered on the room. You looked around and took in the scent of your old home, which immediately brought back so many memories.

Before you left for college, you and Changgu were on bad terms, so there weren't pictures of you together anymore, but you could still see the tape marks on where they used to be glued on your old vanity mirror. You also remembered perfectly which drawer you have tucked them away, the one that you were currently staring at, contemplating taking a look at them. In the end, you just shook the idea off of you and followed what you’ve told your mom.

The day was rather quiet and peaceful, the big event being held in the night, and the talk you were dreading could wait after the celebrations. Your parents had visited you in college a couple of times, and you have visited them too, but it was rare, never for the holidays, so they prepared a special family lunch and you couldn’t deny that you had a good time being around them.

All the pack had gathered in a big clearing at night to celebrate, and the bonfire already burned high. You could feel all the attention shifting to you as you arrived, your dominant scent overpowering everyone else's, and you held yourself high.

The day you left the city you promised yourself to never get close to this pack again. They’ve ignored you and diminished you as an Alpha, and you knew this place wasn’t for you. They were all surprised to see you back, they could barely hide it, but every time you made eye contact with someone, they quickly turned away avoiding you.

You didn’t hide, not ashamed of you or your choices, but it was rather uncomfortable, the tension almost palpable in the air. You quickly grabbed your phone and texted Wooseok.

“ Please tell me you headed back town for the holidays”

To which he quickly replied

“I actually came to a friend’s house, I’m not there, sorry :(“

You sighed. The cold weather wasn’t so bad, the cool breeze was blowing softly and the fire kept the place warm if you got close enough. Your parents stopped along the way to say hi to their friends, but you followed closer to the bonfire, where your eyes quickly met the current Alpha.

For a moment you had forgotten he was Changgu’s father, but seeing him immediately brought the information back to you. They looked alike so much, the same eyes full of expression and sharp jawline. He was staring at you, not so happily, and nodded when you looked at him. Your expression could be sour, you weren’t sure how much you were holding back, but you respectfully nodded back.

He sustained the stare a couple more seconds, so did you, but soon he was calling everyone’s attention. Everyone gathered close and his wife stood by his side. That’s when you saw Changgu, getting close to his father with a stoic expression on his face.

You shoved your hands in the pocket of your jacket and offered a half-smile when he noticed you. At first, he seemed confused but returned the gesture

“Brothers and sisters” The senior Alpha called “tonight we celebrate the ones who have left us. Our ancestors passed us their wisdom,” He spoke firmly and slowly, looking around at everyone. “Their strength lives in us, and so we honor them with our nature.”

There was a long speech about union and tradition that to you it sounded too much like hypocrisy since the traditions would include you, supposedly the next Alpha of the pack, to be standing there as a successor. You did not bother, because you expected nothing else.

The leader of the pack was the first to turn. His skin shredded, giving space for the long dark brown and silver fur to grow as a howl echoed loudly, bringing out everyone’s instinct, but especially your Alpha ones, and soon you had shifted.

This was one of the reasons you wanted to come. Being in university has you taking suppressants daily, so letting yourself run free was like getting rid of tight clothes that restricted your movements. You howled loudly to follow the collective chant, an ode to the departed ones, a hymn for the pack, the freedom of instinct.

The pack’s Alpha ran in the front, leading everyone with his big frame. Changgu followed him, and it’s been so many years since you’ve seen his wolf form that you felt surprised. He was bulky and big, his posture very imponent, and you stopped to admire it for a second.

The run was freeing. The wind hiding your wolf nozzle, pushing your fur back, your paws hitting the dirt. You needed that, and just letting yourself act on your instincts was the best thing you could grant yourself at that moment.

Reaching the highest point of the forest, the collective howling restarted. You stopped right next to Changgu, whose wolf eyes watched you intently, and in wordless communication, you howled together, allowing the instinct to speak for yourselves.

…

After the traditional pack run, a feast was hosted by the Alpha, usually in his house, which was big enough to fit everyone comfortably in the large backyard.

Everyone happily celebrated what was the closest to a wolf Christmas, with an abundance of food for everyone. You sat with your parents at the assigned table, attending the event quietly, holding yourself back just enough to not drag any more attention than you were already getting. Mr. Yeo, the Alpha, customarily greeted every individual, and when he approached you and your family, you stood up and bowed respectfully.

"Thank you for having us" your father shook his hands

"It's my pleasure," Mr. Yeo politely answered, "I didn't expect your daughter to come."

He talked about you like you weren't there, and you were pretty sure that was purposefully meant to challenge your position.

"I came to pay respects to the tradition, sir" you opened a forced smile. A damn good one. "Can't let that behind me."

His eyes snapped in your direction with intensity, letting the impassive expression on his face falter for a second.

"Of course" he smoldered, masking it with a smile probably just as fake as yours.

To him, you represented a threat to his family's legacy, so it wasn't a big secret that he isn't very fond of you.

"I hope you enjoy the party," he said to you and your parents altogether, but redirected the last sentence at you "if there's anything you need, just tell me and I can provide."

"Of course, thank you so much" your mom answered gladly. She followed her leader with passion and always tried to be in good graces with him, so she's always been strict in the sense of community tradition and formalities.

"No need to thank me, ma'am" he smirked "that's just an Alpha job"

The provocation was like a punch in the gut. Ever since you were revealed an Alpha, Mr. Yeo tried to do everything in his power to deprive you of your given rights inside the pack. He raised Changgu to take his place and hated your guts for ruining his plans. He was a man of power and didn't appreciate when someone threatened that position.

"Y/N…" your mom called you with a warning tone to her voice.

You didn't notice how you were instinctively growling, low enough for only people close to the table to hear, but your Alpha emotion was strong enough to cause some heads to turn in your direction.

Mr. Yeo, of course, smiled in victory from a distance, happy to make you look bad in front of the community.

"You really don't care that he does everything to undermine me, do you?" You said to both of your parents.

"Honey, he's the Alpha." Your mom said calmly "everything he does is to protect you. Is the best for everyone."

"You do know I'm an Alpha too, right?" You scoffed, rolling your eyes.

They both stayed quiet. You looked at your dad, hoping he would say something in your favor, but he just complies with your mom's orderly silence.

"Yeah, thanks," you said, standing up and leaving.

Growing up you used to love being with your pack these kinds of celebrations were your favorite time of the year.  But now everything changed and suddenly you felt so misplaced that you felt like you didn't know anyone anymore. You knew all your neighbors, and their kids who went to school with you, but now they were almost complete strangers to you.

You grabbed a bottle of beer and looked around for the only familiar face you could find there. Changgu was not running Alpha errands with his dad, so when you found him he was surrounded by a group of girls, apparently younger than you, swooning at every charming smile of his, and you could just see how much he adored all the attention. You chuckled at his fuckboy attitude and the poor deluded girls who had a crush on him, hoping to get the son of the Alpha in love with them.

"Y/n?" You heard your name being called, taking you always from your thoughts.

The boy who called you was tall and slim, a long-ish hair half up in a ponytail and he looked happy to see you.

"Hey…?" You said with uncertainty, trying to figure out why he looked so familiar, but you just couldn't remember his name

"Hyunjin" he chuckled "I don't know if you remember me, but we went to school together."

"Right, Hyunjin, of course, I remember!" It finally clicked to you. Hyunjin was an omega, a few years younger than you but you two used to share some clubs in high school, but he didn't look so… hot. "You look so different, sorry it took me a while to recognize you."

"Yeah," he laughed shyly, scratching the back of his head. "I haven't seen you since you left for college. You look great"

His flirtatious half-smirk was very obvious and you actually thought he looked quite cute.

"You look great yourself" you bit your bottom lip, looking him up and down "But yeah, I kind of focused on graduating rather than coming here."

"I'm glad you're here now." He fully smirked this time "wanna go somewhere quieter? I'd love to catch up with you"

You felt hesitant at first, and you looked back to find Changgu again, and this time one of the girls was grabbing his arm, running his hand all over it. You wanted company for the party, and since Changgu was busy flirting, why shouldn't you do the same?

"Of course, let's do it." You took one last sip of your beer and linked arms with him.

He guided you around the house to the front porch, where you rested your elbows and watched the quiet street. Hyunjin had his back against it, looking at you.

You two actually did some catching up, and even exchanged numbers. You found out Hyunjin also went away for college, but he always came back for the holidays and breaks, and stuff like that, but nothing you were really paying attention to.

"You know, I have to confess something." He said, straightening his posture "I sort of had a crush on you, back in the days"

"Really?" You laughed softly, amused at the sudden confession. "Why didn't you say something, then?"

"Ah," he clicked his tongue. "Everyone knew you only had eyes for Changgu."

You rolled your eyes involuntarily.

"C'mon, everyone knew that, and Changgu didn't let anyone get close to you"

You were actually surprised to hear that since this wasn't something he ever told you but explained why you weren't popular with boys in high school.

"Well," you stood up and stopped directly in front of him "I don't see Changgu anywhere now, do you?"

Hyunjin grabbed your waist, pulling you closer to him, and your hands held the collar of his jacket.

"I guess I should shoot my shot, then" he licked his lips, alternating looks between your eyes and lips.

"What are you waiting for, big boy?" You challenged him.

He reached forward, kissing you rather urgently. His plumpy lips felt soft against yours, and he was a really good kisser. He pulled you against him, and you intertwined your fingers on the loose hair behind his neck. He gasped when you tugged on it, and you grinned into the kiss for getting a good reaction out of him. His hands sneaked down your waist, boldly squeezing your ass as the kiss got more intense, and he earned a shy hum of satisfaction out of you.

The noise of someone clearing their throat interrupted you two, making both of your heads snap in its direction, but neither of you really letting go of each other.

"Y/N" Changgu called you rather sternly, with a matching frown on his face. "I need you to help me deal with some stuff"

You sighed.

"Looks like some things didn't change, did they?" Hyunjin whispered just for you to hear,

"I'm not done with you yet." You whispered back, nibbling his earlobe.

"Now." Changgu interrupted again.

You pecked Hyunjin's lips before detangling from him, only then noticing that his hands were still in your ass.

"Text me, ok?" You said to him loudly as you followed Changgu inside the house.

He walked large steps and didn't bother looking behind to see if you were following.

"You couldn't have picked a worse moment to need me to deal with some bullshit, could you?" You whined, but he still paid no attention to you "all night, I was there doing absolutely nothing, and when I finally started to have some fun you decided I was important enough to attend whatever this is."

You babbled but still, he didn't respond, and you just kept following him around corridors in the big house, finally entering a dark room

"What is so important anyway that you had to call me so urgently-"

Changgu interrupted you when he pushed you against the door, making it slam loudly, his lips crashing against yours with a certain vigor.

At first, your eyes widened in surprise, and you pushed him back to look at him, but his hold on you didn't loosen up.

"What the fuck, Changgu?"

"Just," he stopped to think, breath already heavy in anticipation "shut up"

He resumed kissing you, and this time you rolled with it because, you couldn't deny, kissing him was something you ever saw yourself getting tired of. He pressed his whole body against yours, grinding on you making you gasp every time his thigh in between your legs rubbed against your clothed core.

"Fuck, Changgu" you said when he attacked your neck.

You pull the hair on his nape, making him look at you

"Is that what this is about?" You asked, forcing yourself to think straight "you can't bear the thought of me fucking someone else?"

Rather than answering, Changgu just growled, making you laugh ironically

"So you can flirt with all those pretty girls out there," you raised your eyebrows, "but I can not hook up with people? As if, Changgu"

You weren't as mad as much as you were enjoying taunting him for being so desperate to have you his.

"Just shut up, for fucks sake" he rolled his eyes and picked you, only to throw you on the bed behind him.

You finally recognized Changgu's old bedroom, with the light that came from the window above it. It was different, with no more posters taped to the wall or the action figures he liked to collect. It was a simple room with minimal decoration now.

"Gonna break another bed, wolfie?" You teased "I don't think daddy would be very happy to know you're fooling around with the Alpha"

He growled loudly, hooking his hands around your legs and pulling you closer to him, your bottom hitting his knees, which were pressed against the mattress. He leaned down and viciously kissed you, nibbling and ducking your bottom lip.

"You know, you're way hotter when your mouth is shut" he panted in between kisses.

Having turned into wolves mere hours ago had all your instincts right under the skin. The dominance, the connection between you and your Beta, the lust. Everything was on edge and you guessed that's why Changgu was so desperate.

He unbuttoned your jeans and pulled them down with your underwear in one swift motion while you took off your shirt, revealing your bare breasts underneath it. Changgu licked his lips and chuckled cockly when he ran a finger down your slit, showing you how wet you already were.

He took his shirt off, but didn't bother with his pants, and leaned back down to lick a long stripe of your juices, brushing softly on your clit on the way.

You moaned weakly.

"I'll show you why you're better here than with the what's-his-name out there." He said in a low husky voice.

He kept his hand around your legs and captured your sensitive nub in between his lips, making you buck your hips and grab his hair in response.

His back muscles were on display for you and it was hot to watch it contract and relax as he moved in between your legs.

"You're so eager for me, aren't you?" You teased him again and he hummed, sending vibrations down your core. "Do your worst, let me see if you're worth my time"

He leaned back up and you hated the loss of contact, but he quickly spun you around and pulled your hips up exposing your ass to him, and a harsh slap sting on your skin, accompanied by his deep growling that he didn't seem to have control over, and you yelped at the burning pain.

You heard him fumbling with his belt and soon he was entering you with no warning, making you bury your head in the pillow to muffle a loud moan. He didn't give you any time to adjust as he pounded into you fast, showing his desperation. He angled his hips just right to hit the perfect spot inside you to make you scream.

For a second you were afraid someone would hear you, but the backyard was not that close to the bedroom, and you tried to suppress your noises the best you could. Changgu seemed to be out of control with the way he hissed and moaned, your name falling out of his lips here and there.

A sloppy rushed fuck was not on your plans tonight but, fuck, it felt good. Changgu was getting sloppier by the minute and you just knew he wouldn't last long. You reached in between your legs and circled around your glistening clit, realizing you were in no better state than he was.

The closer you felt to your high, the more you squeezed your walls around Changgu's member, and the louder he moaned.

"Are you trying to get us caught?" You managed to say "such a loud wolf."

He didn't respond, too focused on fucking you, but he didn't get quieter.

You fastened your movements and had again your head buried in the pillow, moaning freely as you reached your orgasm, your whole body vibrating in pleasure. Changgu started thrusting faster, gripping your hips harder and pulling you against him to meet his thrust, and soon enough you felt his seed dripping down your thighs, strangled noises caught in his throat as he rode his high.

You relaxed your body when he pulled out of you, laying down with your stomach against the mattress, crossing your arms under your head for support. Changgu threw himself by your side, facing the ceiling and panting, looking fucked out already.

"Jealous wolf, aren't we?" You tapped his chest, provoking him

"Shut up" he chuckled

"How many girls did you fuck in this bedroom anyway? You were quite popular with the ladies back in high school. I bet they all died to be in Yeo Changgu's bedroom" you mocked a dreamy-girly voice.

"Do you really want to talk about who I fucked in high school?" He chuckled.

"Well, someone had to get laid, right? Since I couldn't because someone told boys to stay away from me." You smirked at his embarrassed expression

"Hyunjin is such a snitch, he was never good enough for you" he rolled his eyes and looked away.

"And who is? You?" You scoffed

"I didn't hear you complaining when you were screaming against the pillow just now"

You slapped his chest and he laughed loudly

"Jerk" you mumbled.

"Guess you can go back to your pretty boy out there", he said in a teasing voice, "if you're still interested, that is".

"So cocky, aren't you?", he laughed at your mocking expression.

"Maybe. But we still have festivities to attend".

"Unfortunately".

You got dressed in comfortable silence and after a few minutes, you were good to go. Changgu stood by the door and smiled at you before opening it and waving for you to walk by him. As you walked out, a satisfied smile took over your face and you only hoped people wouldn't notice the smell of sex on you too much. You and Changgu parted ways and for a second you let the whole tension of your body relax during the holiday. Just for a while.

[canonicallysoulmates]

I watched ep 6 of The Book of Boba Fett yesterday and I still have a lot of thoughts about it so I'm just gonna ramble.

At first I wasn't sure how I feel about this ep cause on the one hand I absolutely loved how much Luke content we got it filled me with an unexpected amount of joy and glee, I love that we got to see him train Grogu and him running with Grogu on his back was a great reference to the original films, at the same time I was a little torn on his characterization because I just don't know if Luke Skywalker of all people would really follow and teach this rule of no attachments and make Grogu choose between returning with Din or training in the ways of the Jedi; it seemed kind of OOC to me.

But here's the thing I'm a surface level fan when it comes to Star Wars so I'm not sure if it is OOC or not. So I went looking to see what other fans are saying and gain the perspective of people who are more knowledgeable than me and I saw some really good points being brought up that I hadn't considered the first being what attachment means in the Star Wars franchise. I will reblog some posts that explain this more properly than me but my simplified understanding is: lack of attachment in the Star Wars universe doesn't mean lack of love, or lack of connection and bonds. You can still love, you can still wish to protect those you care about but do so freely, do so unconditionally and selflessly don't grip on to them so tightly that it drives you to madness; part of life and loving someone is that eventually you'll have to let go. I'd argue we saw an example of this in this episode when Din didn't insist on seeing Grogu and giving him his gift, it broke his heart to walk away but he wants what's best for the kid and if seeing him again is going to hinder his path, is going to hurt him in some way then he'll walk away.

Another thing I saw pointed out is the mention in the previous ep of Tarre Vizsla, who was both Mandalorian and Jedi. And then in this episode we see Luke telling Grogu about balance. So, I don't wanna jump the gun and get angry at this show when they're clearly setting something up to be explored in s3 of The Mandalorian- and actually as I'm typing this I am remembering the posters that were released at comi-con, one was Grogu with Luke and the other was him with Din who had the Darksaber and that matches so perfectly with what's being set up in these past two episodes.

And now after reading those points and thinking about it I feel much better about the way that Luke was presented in this ep, and I see the end not as Luke making Grogu choose but giving him the choice to choose his path and letting him know in general that he does have options, that he can choose his own destiny and he doesn't have to be a Jedi if he doesn't want to be while also letting him know what each path entails. Seems a lot more loving when one looks at it that way- although I still don't like how it was worded in the script 😅

The other thing is while I am loving the content these past two episodes have given us cause I love Din, I love Grogu, I love Luke, I also feel bad for some of the fans because I know Boba Fett is an iconic and beloved character, and some were really excited to see him get the spotlight, and that didn't happen. I am greatly enjoying getting The Mandalorian content, it's making me super excited for s3 but I've also been on the other side of the coin. I know what a slap in the face it can be to have a show completely ignore its supposed to be main character, and this show does it in not one but two episodes this one stinging probably even more because even though Boba appears it's only for maybe less than a minute, he doesn't speak, and the show is stolen by Din in the corner. And I get that these shows are supposed to be interlaced or something but this isn't interlacing, connecting storyline this was putting two episodes of The Mandalorian into the series. Which again, I don't mind I've actually really enjoyed it but I do understand some fans anger and dissapointment on the series as a whole.

[moshymosh]

Remember me- A Night To Remember

When the love of your life suffers from a disease that affects their memory of their life with you, what do you do? Will you spend your last days with them, trying to get them to remember you? The life you had, or would you give up and let them forget you?

Summary- Dr. Spencer Reid felt his whole life change when Agent Y/n L/n joined the BAU. She came in like a cool summer breeze changing everything Spencer knew about love and his capacity to care for someone so much. Y/n came to the BAU with a tragic past, her only goal was to save lives and make the world a safer place for everyone. She meets a skinny shaggy haired doctor, which causes her whole life to change, much like Spencer, will she fall in love or will her tragic past or even her job prevent her?

Pairings- Dr. Spencer Reid x f!reader.

A/N- This is a notebook inspired story, this story will be told and wrote like a chapter book. So some of the endings will not always make sense. Also I don't claim go own Criminal Minds or the Notebook, this is solely for entertainment purposes and for enjoyment. Some of the lines are from the notebook movie, again I don't claim to own either fandom/tv show/ movie. I try to make Y/n as vague as possible so shes more inclusive so if there is any descriptive things that don’t apply to you feel free to ignore them. Also just putting this out there as the story progresses Maeve is still alive and well, she is a good friend of Spencer and Y/n’s. There will be graphic content and sexual scenes in later chapters, warnings will be added as they go. Also if you want to be tagged send me an as or comment here, also send requests I'm down for making little fics. I know this part is a little weird, but there will be a -A Night To Remember part 2

PS- Please don't post my fics anywhere without my documented consent, thanks -Karma (MoshyMosh)

Warnings- some mentions of guns, violence and some minor crime talk, the usual for criminal minds. (I’m bad at writing case talk, please don't hate me.)

Here's the dress I was using for inspiration. Also here are the roses. If the links don’t work, here’s a link to the inspo board on Pinterest.

Previous part | Next Part | Masterlist

Y/n walked into the bullpen a package clasped in her hands. Y/n saw JJ talking to Derek and glanced around, making sure Spencer wasn't around before she walked over to the pair. "JJ I need a favor, " Y/n said softly, holding out the newspaper-wrapped package. "Give it to Spencer when I'm- uh not around?"

JJ and Derek shared a small smile after JJ took the package from Y/n and watched her go over to her desk and begin to set her stuff down. Y/n tilted her head at the small bouquet of yellow red-tipped roses sitting on her desk. Y/n smiled softly and pulled the notecard from its holder. Her eyes were drawn from the notecard to the three bags of gummy bears behind the roses.

Y/n let out a giggle and shook her head with a small smile on her face. She then looked up to JJ with a look of confusion but brushed it aside and sat down as she began to pull the card from its envelope.

'Will you go to the FBI ball with me?-SR xx'

Y/n giggled and slid the notecard into her blazer pocket and grabbed one of the bags of gummy bears, opening it as she left the bullpen to go to Garcia's bat cave.

Spencer smiled as he saw Y/n's reaction to his gifts, turning back to Rossi and Hotch, as they all stood in Hotch's office. "I think she liked them." He said excitedly. "Thank you." Spencer said before he left Hotch's office.

JJ saw Spencer walking back to his desk. "Spence!" she called for him as she began to walk over to him, Derek trailing behind her.

Spencer turned and looked at JJ, confused, seeing the package in her hand. "Looks like pretty boys got a crush." Derek said with a chuckle, nudging Spencer's shoulder.

Spencer took the package from JJ, pulling the notecard from under the emerald green ribbon that was decorating the package. Spencer looked up at JJ and Derek, confused before he opened the envelope and pulled out the card to read its contents.

'I love Walt Whitman, you saw and remember how I like my coffee, here's my favorite book of poems. Remember them- F/I L/I x'

Spencer put the notecard down and went to untie the ribbon when he looked at his desk to set the ribbon down and saw a note on the back of the card.

'PS- you once told me a statistic on recycling and I took it to heart, hence the newspaper. It's recycled.'

Spencer chuckled and carefully unwrapped the newspaper so it can be reused before he pulled the book from the wrapper. Spencer opened the hardcover and saw the copyright page.

"A first edition?" Spencer asked in disbelief.

Y/n and Garcia walked back in the bullpen, Y/n looked over to Spencer and smiled at him before she popped a gummy bear into her mouth.

"Okay guys, the FBI ball is next Wednesday. We just got a case, let's meet and discuss." Hotch said from the second floor.

Y/n followed Penelope to the meeting room and found a seat as the others filed in after.

"Ok, guys this case is in our very own home." Garcia started talking, throughout the meeting Y/n and Spencer took turns glancing at each other.

"Ok L/n you're with me, we'll set up here. Reid and Morgan go check out the first crime scene. Rossi, JJ, and Prentiss go to the recent scene." Hotch said as he closed his file.

"Y/n." Hotch said once everyone left and they began to set up the evidence boards that they had wheeled into the room.

"Yes sir?" Y/n asked, looking over to Hotch as she finished putting up the final picture on one of the boards.

"Did you like Spencer's gifts?" he asked, handing her some more things to put on the board.

Y/n smiled to herself as she hung the things he handed to her, "Yes, I did. Though, I can't wrap my brain around what those yellow roses are supposed to symbolize. They have multiple meanings such as friendship and/or falling in love." she said as she turned around and placed her hands on the back of a nearby chair. "Does that mean his note is 'go to the ball with me as friends.' or 'go to the ball with me because I'm falling in love with you.'?"

Hotch chuckled and shook his head with a smile. "Don't overthink it like Reid did." he said

Y/n shook her head with a laugh before she smiled up at him. "I think just because you said that I'm going to do just that."

Their friendly banter was interrupted by Hotch's phone ringing. "Reid, what did you find out?" Hotch asked as he answered and put his phone on speaker, Y/n listened alongside Hotch to what Reid was telling them. Y/n looked over to the map on the board, mentally putting points on it.

"I think I know where the unsub's comfort zone is." she said, moving away from the chair she was leaning against and began putting the points she envisioned onto the map for the team.

"Reid, Morgan tell everyone to get back here." Hotch said before he turned and looked at what Y/n was doing as he hung up the phone.

After a few days if run around by the unsub they managed to track him down. Y/n went into the warehouse with her gun drawn as she led a few SWAT members in.

"Thomas McDonald!" Y/n shouted, her gun drawn on the man who was holding a knife to the throat of a girl he recently kidnapped. "Put the knife down, and let the girl go."

Soon the team came in and the unsub backed down. They quickly arrested the man and the victim was given medical treatment. Y/n took a deep breath when she stepped out of the warehouse, Y/n shook her head to shake loose her thoughts before she looked at the woman sitting on the back of the ambulance.

"Agent L/n?" a medic called over to her, she looked over to the source of the voice. "She wants to speak to you."

Y/n walked over to the woman and sat next to her. "You saved my life." the woman said, grasping Y/n's hands.

"It wasn't just me." Y/n said as she rubbed her thumbs over the back of the woman's hands, turning her head to nod towards the team. "They all helped." Y/n whispered to her. The woman hugged her tightly causing Y/n to gasp in shock. Y/n hugged the woman back and began rubbing her back in a comforting manner.

"Thank you so much." The woman said. Y/n continued to rub the woman's back, not knowing Spencer was watching her comfort the woman.

"L/n." Hotch called out to her, causing Spencer to look away, as Y/n looked back to Hotch. She excused herself from the woman's embrace and came to join the team, standing beside Spencer. "You did a really good job of defusing the situation, " Hotch said earnestly, causing Y/n to let out a small sigh of relief. "Let's head back to Quantico and debrief."

Y/n and the team headed back to Quantico and began to work on writing their reports. Y/n sighed and rubbed her eyes for what she felt was the thousandth time, everyone had finished and went home. Spencer looked over at Y/n who yawned and rolled her head, stretching out her neck.

Spencer stood and began to grab his things. "Y/n go home, it'll be there tomorrow." he said to her as he walked past her desk.

"Oh! Spencer, yes I'll go to the ball with you on Wednesday." Y/n said as she smiled at him. Spence smiled back at her and nodded his head before he turned and continued walking to the elevators, leaving Y/n behind in the empty office.

The sun rose on the Monday before the ball. Y/n groaned as she lifted her head from her desk as she heard her coworkers enter the bullpen, she rubbed her eyes sleepily as she turned her head in their direction.

"Y/n did you sleep here last night?" Penelope asked as she walked in beside Derek.

Y/n stretched and yawned as she looked around. "I uh- must've fallen asleep after I finished my report." Y/n said as she rubbed her eyes again. "I remember putting my report on Hotch's desk and sitting back down to gather my things and I fell asleep."

Spencer walked in behind JJ, carrying two to-go coffee cups, smiling at the sleepy Y/n at her desk. "You slept here." Spencer stated, walking over to her, holding out one of the cups to her.

"No, I just decided to wear yesterday's clothes and not brush my hair." Y/n said sarcastically before she took a sip of coffee.

"Ouch, Y/n's got bite in the morning." Derek said with a chuckled to which Y/n gave him a death glare. "Oof meow." he said, gesturing a clawing motion with his hand.

Hotch walked in with a chuckle overhearing their conversation. "L/n, JJ, Prentiss, and Garcia why don't you girls take the day, go do girl things." he said with a smile. "Just keep your phone on you."

JJ and Emily looked at each other in disbelief as Penelope squealed and did a happy dance. Y/n saluted with a sleepy look as she sipped her coffee again.

"Rossi, Reid, and Morgan, we all have tuxs to get for Wednesday." Hotch said. Spencer watched as Y/n gathered her things into her white messenger bag before she stood, slinging it onto her shoulder.

"Spencie, thank you so much for the lifeline this morning." Y/n said as she raised her cup in his direction.

"Y/n! Let's go, we've got dress shopping to do!" Penelope shouted from the door to the bullpen, causing Y/n to cringe at the loudness of her voice.

Y/n turned around and motioned her hand in a lowering gesture. "Penny sweetie, too loud." Y/n whispered as she walked over to her, and slung her arm around Penelope's shoulders after she switched her coffee cup to the other hand. "Let's go bitches." Y/n said with a laugh as they walked to the elevators, to go shopping.

Y/n sat in the dress shop, watching JJ, Emily and Penelope come in and out of the fitting rooms, trying on different dresses. Y/n turned her head as her eyes glanced go the burgundy she had her eyes on.

"Girl, go get it." JJ said as she watched Y/n, the dress she decided on, hanging over her arm.

Y/n looked back to JJ, biting her lip. "Should I?" she asked as she began playing with her fingers.

"Oh hell yes." Emily said adjusting the dress she was trying on in the mirror.

Y/n nodded her head in determination, before she stood and walked over to the display her dress was hanging on, flagging down an employee for help. Y/n waited by the dressing room as she watch the employee take the dress off the display for her to try on. Y/n walked behind the curtain after the employee handed it to her.

Y/n stood in front of the mirror inside the fitting room, as she ran her hands down the tulle bodice. She took a deep breath and turned to exit the small room.

"Oh my God!" All of the girls said when they saw Y/n in the dress. The burgundy tulle of the skirt flowed around her perfectly.

"Does it look ok?" Y/n asked softly as she adjusted the sleeves, turning around to look in the mirror behind her.

"Yes, you do." JJ said as she came up behind her, rubbing her shoulders affectionately. "Look if you do your hair up..." She said as she demonstrated showing Y/n what she meant.

Y/n bit her lip as she looked at her reflection as JJ held her hair up. Emily came up behind the pair and smiled, leaning over Y/n's opposite shoulder.

"You know I wasn't sure about you at first but I've changed my mind about you now." Emily said as she draped a necklace she saw on a display on Y/n's neck. "I saw this necklace and I thought it was perfect." she said as she looked up from the necklace on Y/n's chest to her reflection.

JJ stepped away from Y/n and Emily, and went to look for a necktie that matched the color of Y/n's dress for Spencer to wear. JJ dragged Penelope into the search after they both paid for their dresses and accessories. Y/n smiled at Emily when she stepped away. Y/n went back into the dressing room to change back into she came into the store in. Emily took the necklace she found for herself and the one she found for Y/n, along with her dress, and went to the register to pay for her items.

Emily waited for the girls by the door of the shop. Y/n stepped out of the dressing room, the dress she was getting, draped over her arm as she gathered her bag from the couch she was previously occupying. She went to the register to pay for her desk, smiling as the woman put her dress in a dress bag before she stood next to Emily by the door, waiting for Penelope and JJ.

Once all the girls were ready they walked out of the shop and out to their cars. "Hey girls, why don't you guys take your things home and then come back to my apartment for some drinks and take out?" Y/n asked when they all reached their cars that were parked near each other.

"You got a deal sister. I'll bring the wine." Penelope said giddily.

Emily chuckled and shook her head as she hung her dress in the back of her car. "I'll bring face masks." she said with a wink to Y/n.

"JJ, what are you bringing?" Y/n asked, watching the woman in question put her dress in her car.

"I'm bringing my love and support." JJ said as she opened her driver's side door, putting her purse inside of the vehicle. She turned to the girls, leaning back against the back door. "I will bring the steamy emotion-filled, romantic movies."

"Bring magic mike, please." Penelope said, giving JJ a pouty face.

Y/n laughed with a shake of her head as she watched the girls get into their cars and begin to leave. Y/n loaded her things into the back of her car, careful not to wrinkle her dress in its bag. As Y/n sat in her car about to leave the parking lot her thoughts turned to the roses she had Penelope take to her home while they were on the case.

She began to drive home, her thoughts now turning to think of what Spencer was doing.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

i'm fucking losing it about that most recent post and i cannot get coherent words out about it because i get too excited about the possibilities and it is extremely hard to type while flapping but !!! oh my god!!!! oh my godd!!!!!!!!!

CW: Opening to what is definitely going to be a severe trauma response in the next piece, brief victim-blaming language

Jake watches the video, and Laken can't read his expression at all. It's grim, maybe - his jaw is set, and his blue eyes don't leave the laptop screen.

Youtube starts with a stupid fucking State Farm car insurance ad, and Jake is quiet and thoughtful before the ad even ends. He didn't argue with Laken, or suggest disbelief. He only texted come to the house and show me while C is at rehearsal, and Laken had hopped on two buses and walked half a mile, but here they are, now, only a little sweaty for their efforts.

Laken hunches over next to him, their hands over their mouth, thick wavy black hair falling over their eyes. They'd re-shaved the sides yesterday and the air moved over the shorn-short spaces as the fan turned overhead.

They don't speak. They just watch Jake watch Tristan Higgs dance. They watch Antoni, Chris's other brother, sit quietly on Jake's other side, his own dark eyes equally fixed on the screen. When the video ends, Jake hits the replay button and watches it again.

And again.

"This video is from eight years ago," He finally says. His voice is a deep rumble, barely a sound human ears can hear. “I mean, the dancing is from eight years ago.”

Laken swallows and nods. "Um, y-yeah. So he would be-"

"Fifteen," Jake finishes for them. "Give or take. If he's as old as I think he is. And this guy seems pretty fucking sure that Tristan Higgs is dead."

"Right." Laken swallows, uncomfortable. "So, Ben-... You remember Ben. He's, um. Been looking stuff up, and... He sent me some links to, like, old news articles, and... Um..."

"What is in the articles?" Where Jake's voice is rough-edged, struggling for control, Antoni's voice is soft, hazy with his accent, sliding over consonants and coasting the vowels. "What is he sending?"

"So, um, like... This double-... Uh, double-murder and stuff. These people that were killed and just, like, their kid survived, Tristan Higgs. Except then he disappears-... just drops off the face of the earth. But no obit or anything.”

Jake and Antoni look at each other, the men sharing an expression that communicates a wealth of information Laken isn't privy to. But the one thing they don't show is any surprise.

"-and... Ben's been messaging the guy that posted the video, and-... They're gonna meet, um, in a couple days. At, you know where La Mode is? The ice cream place where they filmed that bit in that old Vince Shield movie-"

"I know where La Mode is, yeah," Jake says, watching Laken carefully. He hasn't looked at them like this in a long time, since he first met them - calculating and slightly cold, considering the risk they pose to Chris and to everyone else in his house.

"I also am knowing that place," Antoni says with a nod, putting a hand on Jake's arm. Jake is tense - Laken didn't realize it until he suddenly relaxes, consciously, now. "Why is Ben wanting to talk to this man?"

"I, I don't know. He kind of, he's really intense about this stuff. You know, when he found out Chris was, um, was... a pet..." The word is ash on their tongue, gums up around their teeth, makes their stomach flip in disgust. "... He kind of lost his shit once we got Chris calm about it. I think he thought-... Uh, you know, people like Chris, they get targeted, and... so he's been thinking about that.”

“This isn’t his business, Laken,” Jake says, weary, closing his eyes.

“No, I know, but he's got a little brother who's the same age Chris was when-... this video must have been made. Who’s a lot like him. So I think he's... I don't know. Maybe thinking, you know, if it was his brother, he’d want someone to do all this... if-... if someone took his brother away."

"Yeah, I get it." Jake swallows, sitting up slowly, rubbing at his face. He's got a day-old stubble along his jaw, the kind that made Laken grin a little when they saw the rubbed-red, irritated jawline of the guy with black hair who answered the door, Chris's other brother kind of.

The one that Laken met the night Dylan told Ben and them where Chris really came from. Except... not this. Dylan hadn't known this.

"So, we need to get Chris ready-"

"Get me ready for, for, for what? Laken, why, why are you here?"

Laken closes their eyes and lets out a slow, soft sigh. Of course - the one night they needed Chris's rehearsal to run full-length is the one night he comes back early. They turn to look at Chris and give him a slight smile. "Hey, querido, we just, um-... So, there's..."

The video has still been playing in the background, forgotten, and the music kicks into the crescendo where the second gymnast steps up, catching Chris's attention. "What's, what's that? Is, is, is, is is is it-"

He goes silent as Tristan Higgs steps into place, shoots his bright smile towards Akio Nakamura, and does his first set of flips and spins.

The three of them watch Chris watching Tristan Higgs. They watch his backpack slide off his shoulder and thump to the ground. They watch his eyes - the perfect match to the eyes of the boy on the screen - follow Tristan and Akio dancing briefly back to back, his laughter as he drops his head onto Akio's shoulder.

Something in the line of his shoulders tightens. His skin is pale under the freckles, his hair suddenly seems too garishly bright against the rest of him. There are shadows under his eyes Laken has never seen before. He looks younger... and haunted.

They hold their breath until it ends, the two boys hugging and laughing, Tristan bouncing and rocking and flapping ecstatically when the routine went off without a hitch.

The video cycles to the next one, a different set of Nakamura's. Chris blinks and then looks at the three of them, eyes moving from one to the next. "Why... are you watching... that?"

His voice shifts, change, slips into a drip-drop of words, a slowly leaking faucet language that Laken barely understands when compared to his usual mile-a-minute. He stands perfectly still.

Once again, Jake and Antoni aren't surprised.

"Chrisha," Antoni says, gently. Jake's jaw works, maybe fighting for words that don't come. "That is you, we think. You were... are Tristan Higgs."

Chris's eyes move to Antoni. Then back to Jake. "No," He says, simply. "I'm... not."

"Chris?" Laken feels a wash of uncertainty. "Are you okay? We're pretty sure this is you."

Chris stares right through Laken, eyes empty, full of a kind of fog all their love can't break through. "No, I, I'm not. I'm... not him."

Jake is the one to push himself to his feet first, taking Chris gently by the arm to walk him back towards the doorway. "Chris-"

"I'm... not, not him," Chris says, looking up at Jake, up and up and up. "I'm... not, Jake."

Chris, Laken's sunshine boy, their love and light and life, is a dull bit of broken rock, sodden earth after too much rain, the sooty stumps of trees in an empty wildfire-wrecked field.

"I know it's hard," Jake says, folding Chris into his arms, and Laken watches with a twist of something that isn't quite jealousy, but isn't that far off. Chris will always turn to Jake, first. They can't compete with that - they don't want to, even, they just sort of wish they could. "I know, Chris. But Laken's right, this kid... I think that might really be you."

"No," Chris whispers, burying his head into Jake's chest. "No, no, no. I'm... not. I, I make myself, I made Chris, I don't want to, to, to to to-to be anyone else anymore..."

"You're still Chris," Jake murmurs, and holds him close. "You're still my brother. This just tells us maybe a little bit about what happened before I met you, that's all. That's it, Chris. Nothing has to change."

"Everything changed," Chris whispers, pulling slowly back. "Because I, I did it wrong. I, I, I moved, wasn't... I was, was supposed to hide... and, and be so quiet..." His hands move, one finger up to his lips, as though shushing himself. The empty look in his eyes is cracking open to a well of pain that Laken, for all the times they've held him after nightmares and all the meltdowns they've seen... They've never seen it quite like this. 

He pulls away from Jake, and slowly picks his backpack up from the floor.

"Chris?" Laken shifts forward, but the look on his face when he glances back at them makes them stop short. "Baby, I-"

"Go... home, Laken," Chris says, and turns away from them. "Tris, Tristan Higgs is, is, is, is dead. He, he, he... he he-... he, k-... killed people, and he’s, he’s, he’s dead.” 

He's gone, his feet heavy on the stairs, before Laken can say another word.

Jake and Antoni glance at each other - another immense conversation contained in a single shared look - and then Jake sighs. "Come in, Laken. I'll drive you back to campus. Ant, if you'll-"

"Watch the house and speak to Chrisha. Got it." Antoni gives Laken a soft, sympathetic smile. "These things are not easy," He says, softly. "You cannot pick yourself back up again, simple as that, start a story where you were left off. I will speak with him."

"But, I should-"

"You'll make it worse," Jake says, rough-edged again.

"Harder," Antoni gently corrects. "He will need us, who know what it is they do to our minds, tonight."

"Wh-what do they do?” Laken looks from one of the men to the other. “I, I know memory loss, I get that, and he was clearly-... hurt, so much, but-”

“They take a frightened man-... or, child,” Antoni says, voice gentle as always. “And they teach us that the person we were before was so terrible that the person we are now exists only to suffer.”

“But he’s just a kid, there, in that video,” Laken says, a token protest, voice weak. Antoni’s smile widens, slightly, in its sympathy for them. “There’s no kid on earth who could possibly deserve that. He doesn’t even remember what happened!”

“You do not have to remember a crime to be told you are responsible for it.”

“But-”

Antoni takes their hands in his, looking them right in the eyes. “When you are alone, and frightened, and desperate to survive... you will believe anything that gives you the slightest chance for a way out.”

Laken swallows, hard, thinking of Chris whispering after a nightmare one night, they made me a Romantic pet because I was a slut who wanted it all the time - their sunshine boy, who never ever does, effortlessly believing a lie, repeating back the names they called him, acting unbothered and like he barely noticed his own words.

Laken swallows back a flip of disgust at the idea of a teenager being taught to hate himself that way. 

“Wh-what happens if he remembers everything they made him forget?” Laken’s voice is a whisper.

“If we’re lucky,” Jake says gruffly, “He doesn’t remember it all at once. If we’re not-”

A wail shatters their conversation, a low keening cry from upstairs, muffled by distance and closed doors, a sound of wild screaming wordless grief. All three of them flinch as there’s a resounding crash and a slammed door.

“If we not, that happens,” Jake says, and he’s on his feet and up the stairs before Laken can remind him that he’d said he would take them home. They move to stand, but Antoni lays a hand on their arm.

“Jake, first,” He says softly. “It is easy to be overwhelmed, in these moments. Jake first, and then you.”

What they feel now is definitely a little bit jealousy.

And guilt.

Chris’s screaming, his misery and pain, seems to go on forever, twist itself into the walls of the house and burrow in. Antoni leaves to comfort frightened people who stick their heads out of doors and ask what’s going on, people Laken doesn’t know and has never been introduced to. They look at Laken, consider them, and Antoni speaks to them with soft reassurance while Laken feels helpless, and hopeless, and pointless in this house full of hurting people, while their own hurting person finds comfort in his brother, not in them.

They turn back to look at Jake’s laptop, sitting alone and watching a group of gymnasts hugging after getting their scores, laughing.

The title dates it as a year after the dancing video.

By the time this one was filmed, Tristan Higgs was already gone.

---

Tagging: @burtlederp  , @finder-of-rings  , @endless-whump , @whumpfigure  , @slaintetowhump  , @astrobly  @newandfiguringitout  , @doveotions  , @pretty-face-breaker  , @boxboysandotherwhump  , @oops-its-whump  @moose-teeth  , @cubeswhump  , @cupcakes-and-pain  @whump-tr0pes  @whumpiary  @orchidscript

[honeyymistt]

hello! I hope you're okay with me coming to you to ask for your perspective/opinion/advice. I don't really have any friends or anyone I can talk to about this.

I've been with my boyfriend for four months now. I met him in a mutual discord server and we were friends for about three months before dating. We bonded so quickly and we both expressed feeling extremely comfortable and safe around eachother. I've never opened up to anyone like I've opened up to him.

At the beginning of the relationship, he was the softest, most affectionate person ever. He always sounded so excited to talk to me and spend time with me, he would compliment me all the time and his love felt so genuine. We said we never wanted to leave the honeymoon phase. We were inseparable.

But as time passed, problems in the relationship rose obviously. The more problems there were, the more distant he'd get. He's not affectionate like that anymore, he's not excited to talk to me or to do anything with me anymore. When I confronted him about it, he said it's because he got too comfortable in the relationship and felt like he had to try harder at first and that his depression makes it harder for him to express affection.

He became really inconsistent and it felt like a constant hot and cold. I'd try to fix things and communicate and things would never change. I've tried to break up with him over it a couple of times now in the past month or two, he'd always beg me not to leave and would say he's trying his hardest and that he'll do his best. I still feel consistently unloved and uncared for.

It was even to the point that I'd have to ask him to care more about how I was doing, how my day was, if I was okay after getting vaccinated. He stopped really caring unless it was jealousy. He's always super invasive about who I talk to, what I'm saying to them, etc and would get upset with me for not telling him even though I've asked him for privacy before.

I don't know if he's with me because he's afraid to be lonely, or if he's scared to lose me but doesn't feel like I'm worth the effort. He always talks about how he hated being alone and always needs to be around people. We sleep call every night and he loves when I give him affection.

I was reading through our messages when we first started dating yesterday and I just started bawling my eyes out. I miss when he treated me that way. I miss being loved in that way. I miss how excited and happy he seemed being with me and having me in his life. I feel like he mostly puts in effort when he thinks I'm leaving/when I try to leave. The highs are so high and the lows are so low.

I'm so heartbroken. I love him so much still and I want to be with him so badly, but I feel so unloved. I lost a friend recently too and I don't know if I can handle grieving this relationship as well. I'm so tired and sad all the time. Maybe he realized I'm not as great as he thought I was.

I don't know if I should stay or leave, doesn't seem like things will change. I still love him and want him, but I'm hurting so badly. Have you ever gone through something similar? How do I let go of someone I love so deeply?

oh :( the things i would do to hug you, hold your hand and tell you that everything is gonna be alright. i'm totally okay with you sending this in for my perspective/opinion/advice - i am beyond honoured that you decided to send this in to me of all blogs.

i'm just going to rip the band-aid right off, okay? i think you should break up with him. sometimes your words don't click in when you tell them to yourself, so i'm going to say them back to you. your boyfriend does not treat you the way you deserve to be treated. He's distant. He's inconsistent. He's invasive of privacy. He doesn't care unless he's jealous. He's hot and cold. When you tried to break up with him, he begged you not to leave and that he would try harder yet you still feel unloved and uncared for.

to answer your question, i've never been in a situation like this before; however, i was in a relationship for about a year and a half and i don't think we ever left the honeymoon phase until the last month (maybe less?). i had a lot of fun in this relationship. i felt loved and cared for, i felt appreciated, beautiful, smart and capable. this is how your boyfriend should make you feel!!!! and i think that's why it's been hard for me to find another person - because the last one treated me so well that i haven't settled for anything less. i think that everyone deserves that type of love.

to answer your second question: you let go because you have to. in your case, because you deserve better. wayyyy better. i saw this thing on instagram and it said "just because you love someone doesn't mean they feel loved by you." he claims he loves you but do you feel loved by him? if the answer is only sometimes, then i guarantee that you will find someone who can do better than that. you can still have love for him but recognize that you deserve better.

give yourself a lot of time to deal with the heartbreak. buy yourself flowers just because. take yourself out on a date. enjoy your own company. it's life changing. i'm not sure if you know Jameela Jamil but she had a post on Instagram and she had a caption about her boyfriend saying that "He is the cherry on top. He is not the whole pie. Do not live for another. Live for who you're going to become and for the fun people you may meet along the way. A woman's [or man's] worth is not reliant upon the love of a man [or woman]." Read this and then read it again.

"Maybe he realized I'm not as great as he thought I was," that's far from the truth. You are amazing and you aren't hard to love. I know that you just recently lost a friend and losing him would be really hard but i'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person. remember that the people in your life come and go all the time. you will meet new people and you will make new friends and form new connections with people - the right people.

he still has a lot of maturing to do.

i know that i said that i think you should break up with him but i just want to make it clear that this is what i would do and it is not intended to come across as me making the decision for you. i will support whatever you choose to do. it is your life!! you know what is best for you. i'm going to end this by asking you a question. if the roles were reversed and it was me in this situation, what would you tell me to do? what advice would you give me? answer the question and then follow your own advice. if you decide to break up with him, i will be here for you every step of the way and you will find someone who treats you right. if you decide to give him another chance, i hope that he treats you a million times better than he has so far; and if it's inconsistent, hot and cold, invasive of privacy, etc. then i hope you have the courage to walk away.

[panic-at-the-fiction]

Hello Darling pt3

Summary: (y/n) is the salvatores younger sister and she is low key in love with one of the originals. You know which one. The only problem is he is a low key psychopath and neither of them remember that this isn’t their first meeting.

Warnings: just harmless flirting

A/N: I’ve been in love with Kol Mikaelson for 3 days now. I’m being forced to watch vampire diaries with my mom and Kol and the rest of the original family are like the only reason I’m still watching it.

You hadn't gotten any sleep last night. You spent 3 hours in the emergency room with Matt because he wouldn't drink your blood. He didn't want to risk becoming a vampire. But you were trying to be a nice person nowadays so you respected his decision and waited with him at the ER. You didn't get home till 4 in the morning, and it took you at least an hour to get out of that stupid dress you had worn. You really wish you hadn't had gone to that stupid party. It had been filled with one disappointment after another, but now you were home in your apartment. With no annoying brothers, no doppelgänger sluts, and no originals. The sun was coming up and you were finally able to get some sleep for the day.

You didn't wake up till about 12 in the afternoon. By the time you showered and left your apartment it was already 1 o'clock so you were shocked when you arrived at your brothers house in time to see Rebekah Mikaelson leaving in the same dress she had worn to the party the night before. She only ignored you and walked out of the house. Not even making eye contact with you.

Damon walked down the stairs barely dressed after having obviously just taken a shower.

"What was Rebekah doing here?" You knew exactly what she had been doing, but you needed your brother to admit it.

"She was just leaving." He smiled and walked away trying to ignore your question. You followed him into the library.

"No Damon, I mean why was she here in the first place?"

"I may or may not have gotten drunk and brought her back here after Elena shut me down last night." He poured himself a drink.

You couldn't help but laugh at your ass of an older brother. It was only a couple hours ago that he accused you of sleeping with an original and here he is brushing off his one night stand like it didn't matter that he's a big fat hypocrite. "You know what? Eat Shit Damon."

"Aww come on (y/n) so what if I slept with Rebekah. Why do you care?"

"I care because last night when you weren't busy fawning over Elena you were slut shaming me for being around an original but today you're sleeping with one of them like it's no big deal. So yeah, Damon. eat shit and see if I care!" You stormed out of the house, not wanting to be around your brother any longer. He was a jerk and he never made an effort to apologize for it. Not like he did with Stefan at least.

You decide it was best if you went back to not caring and day drinking. So you headed back to the mystic grill and picked back up where you left off yesterday, half way through a bottle of whiskey.

By the time ten o'clock rolled around you were on your fourth bottle of whiskey and you were starting to crave something stronger, something that didn't come from a bottle. You looked around the room eyeing everyone in the bar. It was really packed since it was ten-o'clock on a Saturday. You were sizing everybody up to see who you could snatch away and take a bite out of. You notice some girl walking towards the bathroom. You quickly finished your drink and tried to go after the girl. But when you turned to leave your seat Kol was standing in front of you, blocking you from going after the girl.

"Hello Darling, I see your day drinking again. Whiskey of all things. Most girls are into champagne and fruity cocktails nowadays but you really aren't must girls are you." He set his coat on the back of the chair and set down next to you at the bar.

You really didn't want to see Kol right now or really ever. You saw another girl head to the bathroom so you gave up trying to feed from them and refilled your whiskey glass. "Not like most girls? Was that supposed to be a complement? You're gonna have to do better than that after what you did." You kept staring at the wall in front of you. You didn't want to look at him right now. Hell you didn't want him to be there right now.

"Oh yes how is the quarterback? All hyped on vampire juice and healed now?"

"No, he wouldn't take my blood. I had to sit in the ER with him all last night."

"Oh so is that why you're here drinking?"

"Why are you here Kol?" You turned to face him.

"Would you believe if I said that I care about your problems?" You rolled your eyes and you could tell he was just being sarcastic. "Yeah I wouldn't either. I'm not usually the one to care about other people and their problems. That was usually Elijah. Though I do feel different after having been daggered and living in a coffin for so long maybe I can give it go. So how about you tell me your problems and I'll tell you mine?"

You ignored him, just went back to staring at the wall and drinking your whiskey. "Well fine then I'll start first. Today my brother and my mother tried to kill me and all of my siblings, but then your brothers accidentally stopped them by killing my brother, permanently this time, before my mother could complete her spell. So now she's off in the wind trying to figure out how to finish us off."

He took the whiskey bottle from you and grabbed an empty glass to fill it up. You just stared at him, you felt bad about what had happened to him. You couldn't even imagine what he must be feeling right now. "I'm so sorry about what happened with your mother and for what my brothers did. I had no idea they were planning any of this. Which one of your brothers was it?"

"Finn." He downed what he could of the whiskey and refilled. He was obviously having a bad day.

"Were you two close?"

"No not really. He was a lot older and he spent the better half of the last millennium in a box for having a stick up his ass."

"Your family is something else."

He laughed a bit "You're telling me. So what happened to you today? Couldn't be any worse than my day."

"No but it wasn't any good." Kol just kept drinking and nodded along. "Went to my brother's house this afternoon to check in on them and make peace after last night. Turns out he and your sister hooked up last night. So I called him a hypocritical dick for yelling at me last night and for accusing me of sleeping with you then stormed out of the house and came here."

"So that's where Rebekah was last night. I'll have to remember to torment her later with that." He raised his glass and clinked it with yours, "Cheers."

"Cheers." You couldn't help but to stare at Kol. Despite everything he did last night you didn't hate him. He was different tonight, he wasn't cocky and confident he seemed genuine. About an hour and a bottle later. You were both pretty drunk, even for vampires. You found yourself once again wanting to spend more time with the jerk. After everything he did to your friend you still liked him, more than you probably should have. Everything about him just seemed so familiar and comfortable.

You decided it was best that you left before you tried to do anything you might regret. "I should probably get going, it's late."

"Do you need me to walk you home or get you a cab?" Kol started to laugh, "I'm trying to be nice here, I'm not sure it's working for me."

"No, I'll be okay. I don't live far from here." You got up and started to walk towards the door as Kol stopped you about half way.

"Hey (y/n) wait!" He grabbed your wrist and turned you around to face him. "I'm sorry about what I did at the ball yesterday. I was mad at my sister and I took it out on your friend Matt and your brother."

It fell silent between you two for a moment. Kol was still holding your wrist in his hand. You started to laugh, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just, you're apologizing for trying to kill my only friend and my brother and I've just forgiven you. I'm not even upset about it, Because I've been there before, when you're so mad at someone that you take it out on someone else. It's just so weird I should be mad at you right now but I'm not. Part of me likes you even more now." You just kept laughing at yourself. You were totally drunk off your ass. You didn't even realize you said you liked him out loud.

"Wait did you just say you like me more now? So you actually did like me before?" Kol smiled at you. You were mad at yourself for saying that out loud but glad you got Kol to perk up a bit. You noticed him moving a bit closer to you.

"Maybe" the alcohol was really kicking in. You felt more confident than you had in a long while.

Kol leaned down a bit so you two were closer together "Does that mean I still have a chance?"

"Maybe." You saw him glance down a few times to stare at your lips too. You both were waiting for someone else to make the first move. You were as close as you two could get without touching.

Tired of the waiting, Kol closed the gap between you. He pulled you closer by your wrists before moving his hands to the side of your face. Your hands ran up through his short brown hair. You could already taste the whiskey on him. It didn't take you long before you both were gasping for air and had to pull apart slightly. Neither of you could seem to decide what to say next.

You broke the silence, "You know on second thought I might need a walk home. My place is just two blocks over."

Kol pulled away from you and laughed. He quickly grabbed his coat from the back of his chair. He smiled and held his hand out to you "Well then, lead the way."

I just want to say thanks again to @hellish-ramblings-of-an-emo for helping me edit these and get these first few chapters out here. You have been such an inspiration to me and you make me want to write more everyday!

Also thank you to all the people who have been liking this story and I’ll be posting new chapter from now on every week! I would also love to take request for fic ideas to help me fill up this blog with stories.

[strongsassysexysloane]

Fifth Day of Twelve - A Perfectly Captured Memory

Well well well this is the most commitment I've had to something in a while. You're welcome LOL.

Click below to read previous days drabbles

. . . .

The snow had really come down over night but you didn't mind. You had gloves now to keep your hands nice and toasty. Even though it was now the weekend in most people's lives, to you, it was just another work day which meant no sleep in whatsoever.

The office was empty when you arrived, typical for a weekend and it was only 0630. You had been up far too early thinking about anything but what gift you would receive today. At least trying to think about anything else. Failing miserably. That was at 0500 and when you saw the snow piled up on the rim of your bedroom window you decided to go in early just in case there was traffic. Had nothing to do with possibly catching the gift giver in the act.

Alas when your eyes found your desk it had something extra sitting beside your phone that definitely wasn't there when you left last night. Unfortunately the potted plant had to go yesterday because it started to smell not so nice.

Once you dropped your backpack underneath, you picked up the photo frame and smiled at the cute family photo inside. It was of the team at Jimmy's birthday party this year. A half decent one before half of you got absolutely sloshed. You were part of that half and so was the woman with her arm curled around your waist, holding you close, her head resting against yours. You of course, had a stupid overly tipsy grin spread across your face. The more.you looked at the photo the more the memory flooded your mind, the taste of bourbon, the warm touch and tight hold of Jack Sloane.

Most days you could keep your emotions under control but that night, the alcohol let them free, just a little. There was dancing, one slow song but you were both too drunk for it to mean anything. You ran your finger over the frame with a smile. His party was so long ago.

That night made it difficult to hold those emotions in check after, you'd tried so hard for the past year putting those feelings for her aside. Someone had pointed out that maybe the failed dates were because no one matched up and that was partly true. No one could but you didn't know how they could match up when you weren't ever a thing to begin with. Oh, how you prayed this was all from her.

You knew Jack was attracted to females, Izzy was easy to get information out of once she was tipsy. Izzy stopped by a few months back to share information on a case much to Jack's dismay but this time she charmed you into drinks. Only for her to get more information on Jack's dating life but in return you got some back story on Jack as well. She, of course, wasn't around to be angry at either of you until the following morning because Izzy had sent her a drunken voicemail.

She was more mad at Izzy for blabbing and curious towards you about why you were so inquisitive. You deflected like you usually did and for once Jack let up.

That was you and Jack. A friendship with questions attached. You knew Jack had asked questions about you a while back. You knew because you'd overhead her talking to Ellie in the ladies room a couple months after you'd joined. It wasn't anything about the job, it was all personal. Ellie had asked you out for Saturday night drinks with her and Nick, everyone else had plans but that didn't stop Jack from getting all the information she wanted. After that you avoided going out with Ellie for a while, it wasn't until she figured it out and promised things would stay between the two of you, that you decided to go drinking with them again. You didn't mind sharing, you just preferred when the person wanting to know asked you face to face which you knew was entirely hypocrital on your part.

Why she didn't ask you or why you couldn't ask her was frustrating. They weren't overly intrusive questions, just getting to know a person's life a bit more. She just made you nervous for some reason.

You almost dropped the photo frame when the elevator doors dinged. It was Gibbs arriving for the day with a cup of coffee in his hand. He frowned at your shocked face and you gave him a one shoulder shrug in response. "Morning."

" 'morning. Another present?"

His question caught you off guard. "Umm..yeah."

"Only gets annoyin' when they harp on about it." He offered a reason to your questioning look. "Got a photo?" He stopped at your desk and looked down at the frame.

You picked it up and faced it towards him. It was a simple light wooden frame with a meaningful picture. "Even has you smiling."

"Might 'ave somethin' to do with the good bourbon Palmer had on tab." He smirked, placing it back down on your desk.

You chuckled. "Was good bourbon." So good that Jimmy didn't realise how many people drank it until he got the bill.

Gibbs nodded and took a swig of his coffee. "Any ideas yet?"

You raised a brow at his follow up but his dead stare just made you chuckle more. "No. I dont-" You didn't want to sound stupid. It seemed like a silly reason.

"Want to ruin the surprise." He nodded and walked over to his desk. It sounded ok when he said it.

"Yeah."

There was silence between you after that. You followed up with the call directory of the victims brother you were working on last night. Praying to find something to go with the no alibi he had for the time of the murder. They were estranged however only lived twenty minutes apart and something in his answers seemed off. Off according to Gibbs and Jack which was something. He just seemed unpleasant when you and Gibbs picked him up yesterday.

The team started to arrive just after and to no one's surprise Ellie was the only one to notice or comment about the frame on your desk. She soon dropped the subject when Jack came whizzing in.

"Guess where I'm jetting off to in a few hours?!" She beamed, bouncing on the balls of her feet with your added enthusiasm.

"Where Jack?" All three of you said in deadpan unison and Gibbs smirked as Jack rolled her eyes. "I don't care if you aren't interested. I'm going to New Orleans." She raised her arms in victory. "It's been so long."

You could tell by her slightly open mouth and glowing eyes that she was thinking about food. "What's first on the menu?"

She laughed and looked down at you. "Depends. I'm going to help Dwayne on a case. He asked for me specifically and Vance actually agreed. So it may be his gumbo or a restaurant between the airport and the office." She shrugged really not caring which option it would be, just that she knew it would be good food.

"Mmmm I can smell it all, already." Ellie hums. She visited the NOLA office earlier in the year, side trip when she went home for a week to Oklahoma. Tammy and Sebastian had finally convinced her to come down for a weekend with the promise of Dwayne's signature dish. She didn't care what it was, she was sold.

"You might need to bring her back something." Nick smirked at Ellie's poked tongue.

"I might just do that."

"Thank you Jack." They both grinned at each other. Ellie was known for her love of food but Jack was a close second in your book.

"Have fun, remember there's a case to solve inbetween food." You smiled wider when she rolled her eyes.

That's when the thought clicked, if Jack wasn't here then you'd finally know if it was her or not. She couldn't surprise you with gifts if she wasn't here and she wouldn't dare tell anyone else it's her.

"Thank you, Y/n. Gibbs, I've got those profiles you asked for yesterday. Follow me." She motioned with her gloved hand for him to join her to her office and he obliged.

She left the office not long after and left Gibbs with another possible lead for the case.

"Grab your gear."

. . . .

Tonight consisted of drinking eggnog, watching Christmas movies while making Gingerbread houses with my roommate. Twas fun. Feeling very festive. Hop everyone has a good weekend!

[ivory-sunflower]

Arty Art Things ✨

Hellooo!

I've decided to post some of the arty things I've done either recently or in the last few years, well the pieces I'm somewhat proud of at least. All my posts tend to be a lot more wordy than they need to be but hey it's what I do here!

Conchúr White

Anyone one who's been on this blog for a bit will have probably have seen me talk about this lovely Irish fella. The pencil drawing is actually a year old as of yesterday, I only know that because screenshots of me flipping out about Conchúr following me on twitter popped up in my memories yesterday. I think I'd sent it to him at about 3 in the morning (I was not in a good head space at that point in time), so probably not what he was expecting to see when he opened his phone in the morning aha

The biro version is much more recent: I got bored while sat at my desk and doing research about university courses, saw a biro, saw my old drawing of Conchúr, had an idea. I revisited my GCSE art techniques and here we are. Again, I put this up on Twitter and now (at the the time I'm writing this) when you google "Conchúr White" it's the third top image of him which is a bit mad really. I think I spent all of about 20 minutes on Conchúr but another 45 minutes on the words behind him. The words are the names of the songs on his EP 'Bikini Crops', he doesn't just really love the idea of Channing Tatum driving him around at night in a daisy print bikini... Well maybe he does but what he does in his spare time is none of my business...

TechDif

So I mentioned that the pencil drawing of Conchúr came from a rough patch in my mental health and this one is no different! In fact this one came from an even worse circumstance so we love to see it. I had a bad, bad time in July and this started as a way of distracting myself from what was going on in my head. Without it, I can't honestly say I'd still be here so even if the final product of this had been a terrible mess I would still love it for keeping me alive. However, it did not turn out to be a terrible mess!

Now that the origin of this is out the way, where do I start with TechDif? Unlike Conchúr, I haven't really talked about them on here (unless you count one brief post about Citation Needed) before so I guess I'll do it here. The Technical Difficulties are a wonderful group of 4 British fellas who have had their fair share of fun online and even before. They did a radio show at university together, which went on to become their Reverse Trivia Podcast, later moving on to a panel show called 'Citation Needed': and a game called 'Two of These People Are Lying'. All of which I would thoroughly reccomend, they're one of my go to things when I'm having a rough time. All 4 of them are excellent! Tom Scott (red top, blue jeans on the picture) has his own YouTube channel which does content aside from TechDif. If you're quite nerdy and like science, linguistics, computers, or any number of other things you may enjoy Tom's channel. He is probably best described as "The Moderator" of the group, much like a tired teacher he tries desperately to keep everyone on track with what they're meant to be doing, but usually it does not end well for him. Then we have Matt Gray (space top, holding an ice cream) who also has a channel away from TechDif stuff, he does techy electronic things and has a series called 'Will it Soft Serve?' where he puts all kinds of strange things through a soft serve machine. Matt brings a very specific energy to TechDif and I can't fully describe what that vibe is but I love it. Matt and Tom also share a YouTube channel where TOTPAL is posted and they had a series called 'The Park Bench'. Moving on to everybody's favourite Gary Brannan: Gary Brannan (SATIRE hoodie, glasses) and can I just say, what a fella he is! He's just excellent! He is the one that will argue and rip into Tom the most (not in a malicious way) and hilarity ensues. There are some episodes where he is absolutely on it, getting all the points and others where he very clearly has no idea and that's where some of his funniest quotes come from. Given how badly I was doing at the time I made this, his response to it on Twitter was so so lovely. I specifically remember one tweet where he said I'd made him happy and although it was probably a flippant comment, it just made feel alright for a bit. Yeah I might be feeling awful right now, but I've made someone else happy so that's a nice feeling. Then last but certainly not least, we have Chris Joel (buffalo check shirt, beard)! I would be lying if I said he isn’t my favourite... His sense of humor is the one I vibe with most, he can get rather dramatic in parts and can chat bollocks like a champion. He has absolutely no online presence away from TechDif and, like Rens from Temples, I fully believe he’s a cryptid and lives off in a tree somewhere. 

The picture took me about 4 days to complete, well 4 nights because I did most of it between the hours of 12 a.m. and 7a.m. - I remember watching the sun come through my window each morning. It’s made up of lots of little pieces, all cut out and stuck on; even the sky and hills are made of separate pieces of paper. Nothing was actually drawn on the piece of paper it’s all stuck on, it’s not how I usually do things but if I messed up one little but I could just redraw it rather than ruining the whole thing. The most tedious parts to make were Chris’ shirt because I had to draw each square individually and then join the as well, and cutting out the ban-hammer in the bottom right was surprisingly hard. Every single detail of the picture is a reference to the podcast/shows, I still have the plan sketch and reference list knocking about somewhere. I listened to a lot of true crime videos while making it to the point that certain parts remind me of different cases: the brandy now reminds me of Peter Tobin, and the big spiral thing reminds me of Tim McLean (very harrowing case) - sorry that fact is a bit morbid but interesting nonetheless. 

I did post this for a little bit back in July, but I received some rather awful messages so I took it down. Generally, Tom Scott/TechDif fans are lovely but there’s been a few that have taken a disliking to me for some reason so I’m hoping they don’t resurface again. I’m in a better head space now though, so even if they do I’m more equipped to deal with it this time.

Hozier

This was a quick sketch I did in April, I was getting bored with lockdown and decided to summon the bog man himself. There’s not really much more backstory than that, no poor mental health story, no fun twitter story - he’s just here. He’s vibing. I will say I’m particularly proud of his nose, I just think it’s one of the best noses I’ve ever drawn. His hand is okay, but I think that the hands on my Conchúr drawings are better. So there is the Hozi-Boi...

The Corpse Bry

I’ve talked about Bry on here before as well, I love him, he’s excellent, top lad. He is a living Tim Burton character, he’s 6′6, very skinny, and his legs are longer than my will to live. I was watching ‘The Corpse Bride’ a few weeks ago and suddenly had an idea and so ‘The Corpse Bry’ came to be. I gave him a little panda friend because the panda has always been his animal - he used to wear a panda beanie all the time and his album had a panda on the cover. Again, there’s not really a fun story behind this one, I guess it’s somewhat fun because it’s the first art I made after finishing my psychology exams in October so it was nice to actually have the time to draw.

James Bagshaw

Ginger talking about Temples for the third post in a row? it’s more likely than you think! I did this one last week, I’d had a bit of a wobbly day and had group therapy on Teams in the evening and I just couldn’t concentrate on what was going on and I ended up doodling Mr James E. Bagshaw, the glitter crying fraggle man himself. It’s a bare-bones drawing that I could definitely work into more but I’m happy with it as it is to be honest. I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit and add the individual bits of fringe to his jacket, just thinking about doing that makes me tired. Maybe I’ll get around to drawing the whole band at some point...

Alice in “Wonderland”

This one is from about 5(?) years ago, it’s not my typical style and was a “study” based on another artists work (basically i just had to copy this fellas work). I’ll be honest, this one has a sketchy backstory that I won’t go in to because it’s not exactly a nice one, and because of that I also won’t say who the artist is that it’s based on. Despite this, I’m still really proud of this one and I’m so sad that I never got this piece back after I got taken out the class. I’ve considered trying this style again, I’ve even joked about doing another Conchúr drawing in this style as a nod to my progression through GCSE art, eventually leading to Conchúr drawn in ink on music manuscript and stained with neon paint and dyes - it would be quite the project!

So this has been quite a lengthy post so apologies about that but life goes on. Similar to the vinyl post, I’ll probably add to this as and when I make more art. Even if no one is reading these posts, I’m enjoying making them so that’s the main thing. It’s just nice to document things and the feelings that go with them. 💕

~ Love Ginger xx 

29/11/2020

[juviaafullbuster]

FORGIVING HIM

Genre: Angst and fluff

Relationship: Gruvia

Summary: Gray is determined to apologize to Juvia and win her back after realizing what he has done and what he is losing.

A/N:

This is the second part to my story "Breaking her" which I wrote for Gruvia week. Its dedicated to @amrentheangel since it was supposed to be a one-shot but she asked for another part. Hope you like it, let me know what you think :)

Here is part 1 if you're interested:

https://juviaafullbuster.tumblr.com/post/614669804097470464/breaking-her

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A few weeks had passed since the group had returned back to Magnolia. The whole guild was working hard on rebuilding the guild hall. It filled Gray with pride, seeing that things didn't change between the guild members and everyone was putting their all into it. Fairy Tail still meant a lot to every single one of them. If only every thing could go back to the way it was..

He looked around for the water mage that would usually be hiding somewhere near, trying to get closer to him, but he couldn't find her. He hasn't been able to for the past days. He wasn't sure whether she was gone on a mission or just locking herself up in her dorm. He knew one thing for sure though. She was avoiding him ever since their last conversation. Thinking back, he could still hear her words clearly. Every single one she threw at him.

You only saved her to break her heart all over again.

It was a stab to his heart. Every damn word. The more she talked, the more he broke inside. But he deserved it. He deserved to hear it, deserved to feel the pain. If he was honest with himself, he never deserved Juvia in his life in the first place. She was always too good for him.

It's over. Juvia is done.

He could see the hurt in her eyes, the way she was holding back her tears and forcing her chin up, trying not to show weakness. She had reminded him of the Juvia he met that day on the roof. The phantom lord Juvia. Cold, calculating, distant.. He remembered that day like it was yesterday. It was were everything had started. He was amazed by her power, admittedly a little freaked out too. But that wasn't what stuck in his memory the most. It was her fall. The way she just accepted it. She didn't scream nor did she try to hold onto something. She just kept falling, empty eyes looking into the sky. She was ready to leave, ready to lose her life. It was a quick reaction, but he had caught her by her wrist and pulled her up. And somehow he had broken the curse that had been following her. They both sat on the roof, still drenched from the rain that had been pouring over them just minutes ago. It was gone now. He let Juvia see the clear sky for the first time. That day, it changed her completely. He had saved her. At least that's what Juvia always told him.

You brought the rain back, Gray.

It was the words she had last said to him, before parting ways. The words that kept coming up in his head, showing him how much he had messed up and how badly he had truly hurt her. Juvia had left after, not seeing the way he broke down, how he couldn't hold it back anymore. The tears kept flowing and his heart was aching. He was praying to wake up, praying that it was all a bad dream, that it would be over soon and he would see his Juvia again, the one with the brightest smile and the purest heart. But it never happened. Juvia was gone and he was left alone.

The days kept passing and no matter how hopeful he woke up, reality would always catch up to him very quickly. He still didn't see Juvia anywhere around and the worry was eating away at him. He missed her. He missed her smile, the way she would greet him, the way she called out his name. He missed it all, every little thing about her. His thoughts had kept him up all night and after a lot of turning and tossing, he had finally made a decision. He would fix this and win her back, no matter what. Juvia was his girl and he wasn't going to just give up so easily. Gray had truly messed up this time, he was aware of that. But he will do anything to make it up to her. That was a promise.

Gray walked up to Gajeel, determination in his steps. If anyone knew where the water mage was, it would be her best friend.

"Hey Gajeel, you got a minute?"

"Look what we have here. If it isn't the stripper."

"Gajeel, be nice.." Levy gave him a pointed look, able to feel the tension between the two boys.

"You don't happen to know where Juvia is?"

"So now you care?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. I can't help you so go bother someone else."

"Seriously?" Gray was growing impatient. He needed to know where Juvia was, the sooner the better. This iron head over here was no help whatsoever. Why did he bother asking him in the first place?

"Look, I really need to talk to her. It's very important."

"You plan on fixing things?"

Gajeel didn't show it openly, but he had a good heart. Gray being one who doesn't like to show his emotions either, knew that. And he knew that Gajeel would do anything for Juvia, despite always calling her the annoying rain woman. They were best friends after all.

"Juvia went on a mission."

"With who?"

"By herself. She insisted on going alone."

The way Gajeel said that didn't sit well with Gray at all. And by the way the dragon slayer was looking at him, he wasn't too fond of it either.

"I don't know what kind of mission it is, she didn't really say much. She's been pretty distant lately, avoiding almost everyone and staying silent on every trip. But going alone on a mission is a new one, even for that crazy woman."

It really was a new one. Even back in her Phantom Lord days, Juvia wasn't one to work alone. So heading out on a mission all by herself definelty was a warning sign that shouldn't be ignored. The worries Gray had kept growing. But there was nothing he could do now besides waiting for her to come back and praying that it wouldn't be too late.

The sun had set already when Juvia arrived back in Magnolia. The job had taken longer than expected, but she had finished it successfully. Although she had to admit that it wasn't the best idea to go by herself because it made everything much harder and also gave her too much time to think and that wasn't doing her any good lately.

Juvia approached Fairy Hills, desperately longing for a hot shower and her bed but stopped in her tracks when she saw a certain someone sitting on the bench in front of the building. It had been days since she last saw him and weeks since she last talked to him. He looked like a mess. There were bags under his eyes that indicated that he hadn't slept in a week. His hair was messy, like he had run his hand through it several times. Despite that, he still looked handsome, the most beautiful man Juvia laid eyes on. She considered turning around and walking away, but he spotted her before she had time to react, his dark eyes locking with hers and paralyzing her on the spot.

"Juvia!"

She couldn't avoid him forever, she was aware of that. She was angry, sad and hurt.. but she missed him. She missed him so much. Taking a deep breath, she prepared herself for the conversation that she could no longer postpone.

He had already stood up in a rush and was now standing in front of her. For a moment, they both stood in silence, looking at each other before Juvia nervously averted her gaze, looking anywhere but at the man in front of her. She couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye and opted for keeping her head low, eyes focusing on her shoes.

Gray wasn't sure where to start. There was so much he needed to say and yet no words came out. He wanted to punch himself. He had prepared for that moment so many times for the past weeks, overthinking every sentence and training in front of the mirror and now that he finally had a chance, he was messing it up. He needed to get it together. He scratched the back of his head, before taking a deep breath and deciding that he should, in Elfmans words, be a man.

"Juvia, I- I missed you." Gray wasn't going to hold back on his emotions. He promised he was going to be honest with her and he was going to keep this one at least. Juvia didn't give him an answer, but she didn't try to leave either so he took that as a sign to continue.

"Listen, I've been thinking about every thing, about what happened, what I did and what you said and.. I understand it. I understand why you feel this way, why you avoid me, maybe even hate me. You have every right to be angry with me. I messed up.."

Juvia wanted to interrupt him. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. But she bit her tongue. She had to stay strong, she couldn't just run back into his arms and pretend everything was good, not yet at least. Although that was exactly what she wanted to do.

"Juvia, I am truly sorry. I have done a lot of things in my life I'm not exactly proud of, things I regret. But leaving you, hurting you, that is the one thing I regret the most, one thing that will haunt me for the rest of my life. My excuses for leaving you don't matter, what I did was simply wrong. I should have never left you all by yourself, without a word. You have been on my mind the entire time. I wanted to come back so many times, to check on you, but I didn't. I was a coward and I don't deserve you."

Taking a deep breath, Gray put his hands on Juvias shoulder. When the water mage finally looked up, it broke his heart all over again. The tears were running down her cheeks and she looked so hurt, so broken. But he couldn't stop yet, couldn't comfort her, he had to finish first and see where things would go from there.

"But I am selfish. I'm too selfish to let you go, to let you move on. I will do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness. I won't give up. I need you, Juvia. I need you by my side. Not seeing you this past weeks, it drove me crazy. I didn't realize how attached I had become to you, how big your role in my life had become. You broke the ice around me, pulled me from a darkness I wasn't aware I was in. You always used to say that I'm your hero, that I saved you. But it's not true. You are the one that saved me. I can't let go of you, Juvia. You are my world and I need you. I'm sorry I didn't give you an answer sooner. I'm sorry you had to get hurt for me to realize how stupid I am. I was being a coward. I'm not good enough for you, but I promise to do better, become a man worthy of you. I'll do whatever it takes. Because I think-"

Gray took a step closer and put his hand on Juvias cheek, wiping away a tear that was rolling down. He took her hand in his, bringing it up to his face and placed a kiss on the inside of her wrist.

"I think I love you. No, that's not right. I don't just think so, I'm sure. I'm in love with you. I can't stay away from you because I'm better when I'm with you. You make me happy, the way I feel when I'm with you.. it's different. It's good. I- I love you, Juvia."

He wasn't holding back anymore. If there was anyone he'd pour his heart to, it is Juvia. And no matter how she'd react, he won't regret being honest with her. For a moment neither of them said anything, just gazing into each other's eyes. His heart was hammering against his chest and Gray was sure Juvia could hear his heartbeat.

"Juvia missed you so much."

Juvia was done trying to be strong, trying to hold back. Gray had told her everything she wanted to hear and more. He was honest and showed her a side of him noone else was allowed to see, his vulnerable side. The tears were now falling like water falls and Juvia practically threw herself at Gray, hugging him tightly and burying her face in his chest. She had missed this so much, his scent, his warmth, him. She felt his arms coming around her and pulling her even closer. Gray leaned his head on hers. And after so long she felt like she was finally home.

"Please don't leave Juvia ever again."

"I won't, I promise you."

"Good. You know, Juvia wanted this for so long, but.. I thought you didn't want me."

"I do, I want you. Only you."

They stayed like this for a while, just enjoying each others presence before Gray let her out of his embrace, instead putting his hands on her waist and leaning his forehead on hers.

"Juvia."

"Hm?"

"Can I kiss you?"

"Juvia was wondering what you were waiting for.."

Gray flashed her a breathtaking smile before leaning in and finally locking his lips with hers. The kiss was slow and careful, like he was testing the water first, but they both melted into it soon and the kiss became deeper instantly. It was as if they were pouring every emotion they felt now and for the past weeks into it, the ache, the longing. Juvias arms went around his neck and Gray pulled her even closer, not leaving any space between their bodies. They didn't stop kissing until they were forced to, both being out of breath. Even then, they stayed close to each other, neither willing to let go.

"You know, your lips are very soft. I could kiss them all day."

Juvia giggled and give him a quick peek on the lips, teasing him. "Juvia wouldn't mind that."

Gray was grinning like a child that just got candy. He didn't remember ever being this happy. He finally had her back, Juvia was by his side again and this time, she knew how he was feeling. There was nothing more to hide. Juvia was his, just as much as he was hers and there was nothing in this world that would make him let go of her ever again. He had meant every word he said, he'd prove himself to her and become a better man. For her, he'd do anything.

"Juvia, I love you. I really do."

"Juvia loves you too, Graysama."