#i still feel like i can't post about it til it's really happened bc it feels like tempting fate so this is going in the tags lol but. soon

[lotrmusical]

🐸

[de4dlyniightshade]

I’d really just like to request your most feral Spencer Reid headcanons. SFW, NSFW, raunchy, tame - whatever. Just your like “I will fight anyone who disagrees, they are fact” type headcanons.

(Because I reread all your headcanons and love every single one)

I BEEN WAITING ON SOMEONE ASKING THIS! i've also just been meaning to make a hc post.

i was gonna split them into nsfw and sfw but they just ended up all mixed together 0-0

submissive and breedable spencer truther til i fucking die i'll get him pregnant don't play with me.

loves messy kisses like spit running down his chin, tongues down each others throat, desperately gripping at each other type of kisses.

maybe just me projecting and taking what mgg said as gospel truth but i fully believe that spencer loves a curvy woman, not even just for sexual reasons he also loves to rest his head on a nice big pair of boobs or thighs.

speaking of, boob guy! shamefully, but still a boob guy! adores groping your boobs whenever he can and would have your boob in his mouth 24/7 if he could, has literally fallen asleep with his head under your shirt and your nipple in his mouth.

munch! like the biggest munch ever, loves nothing more than coming home from a long day and burying his face between your thighs or having you ride his face.

knows full well that toys are his teammate and not his competitors and has no insecurities about you using toys on yourself or owning any.

does not care how well groomed you are, if you asked him what he preferred he'd be like??? it's literally none of my business???

needs lots of reassurance during sex, he just likes to know that he's doing good and making you feel good throughout the whole thing.

doesn't like talking about his sex life, especially with derek, no matter how hard he pressed and pries spencer wont let anything but the bare minimum out.

i imagine he's more drawn to a commanding woman, someone who will take the lead and teach him because of his inexperience and finds that he actually loves being dominated and hardly has any desire to dominate you.

really vocal! even though i've already said it like twice he just is, i can feel it in my bones, he's just such a whiny little baby and can't help but moan loudly any time you're touching him.

is completely against the idea of road head until you do it while you're on a long drive and it both changes his life and almost ends it bcs he swerved into the other lane which was luckily empty.

still gets shy when you kiss him in front even the team even years down the line.

learns to cook so he can make you breakfast whenever you're staying at his apartment.

on the same lines, lovesss morning sex, just that feeling of not wanting to get out your warm bed into the cold air, savouring the warmth in the best way possible.

had no idea what queefing was real until it happened and he was like genuinely so fascinated rather than disgusted.

i feel like spencer would own a bird for sure, not just bcs of gideon but he did help him realise how cool birds are which made him get one, probably a cockatiel or parrotlet with some silly name like dave.

all bark, no bite. likes to act a big game in front of others but the second you're alone he's begging and calling you mommy.

loves nothing more than waking up before you, pressing a kiss to your forehead before carefully and quietly getting out of bed to make you breakfast with the intention of bringing it to you but when you wake up before him and sneak up behind him to wrap your arms around his waist he can't help but melt.

very open to experimenting further down the line, anything you want to try he'll try at least once, except for blindfolds on himself, would be completely open to blindfolding you though.

loves public touching, not outright sex but he'd love when you subtly brush your hand over his crotch or take a handful of his ass in a public place.

teaches you how to knit and cries when you actually make him something like a sweater or even just a hat bcs he realises that's why you wanted to learn in the first place.

can't ride a bike.(this is definitely me projecting bcs i can't but i just feel like he can't okay)

lana enjoyer!!! especially if you are, he just wants to understand all the things you love and if you love lana so does he, he'd love to hear you ramble about your favourite songs and would take note of them and listen to them asap and tell you he loves them even if he didn't like some that much bcs he loves how happy it makes you.

wouldn't want to introduce you to his mother too soon but if you ended up meeting her by chance he'd be sweating buckets in case you didn't get along but you two just bond over your adoration for him and he's just so happy about it.

probably took a while to warm up to physical touch in the beginning bcs of his germophobia but when he finally does he regrets not doing it sooner.

washes his hands every single time before touching you sexually, not even for his benefit, he just wants to be as safe as possible with you.

loves elvis and almost proposes on the spot when you offer to dance with him to can't help falling in love, secretly sheds a few tears while you waltz around his apartment in your pyjamas.

okay i've definitely left stuff out that i've thought of but this is long asf so i'll leave it there😭

[skznccmlee]

OKAYYYYY I FINALLY HAVE THE TIME FOR START WRITING THIS-

As you guys could realize, TODAY WAS SOMETHING-

My ler's getting more of a menace with everyday that passes I might not make it through this year I would die of how flustered I am

ANYWAY-

Before starting: a little context😻

Today's my mom's bd, so my dad, brother and I took her to lunch

School normally ends at 1:40pm, but yesterday and today it ended 12:30pm bc of the project and stuff

Which is perfect cuz I got to go have lunch with my mom for her bd

On Fridays, me and Cloud stay til 4 bc of piano, but I knew I couldn't make it in time (piano starts at 2pm), but I was going to do my best to get there even if it was just 10 minutes

AND I ARRIVED

AT 3:15😻

AND IN THAT EXACT MOMENT THE TEACHER SAID BREAK TIME

So everyone got out of the classroom (except Cloud and I as always)

HERE IS WHEN IT ALL BEGINS

I was complaining about some stuff which was really stupid and I know it I just can't help it, AND I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER EXACTLY HOW OR IN WHICH MOMENT BUT NEXT THING I REMEMBER WAS ME BEING WRECKED LIKE REALLY BADLY???????

Today my sides got a lot of attention which is GREAT cuz I've been wanting to be tickled there since like... Yes, the past three weeks

IT WAS PERFECT AND I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO ASK FOR IT

The tickling was mainly on my torso, but ofc my neck too cuz we've learned she loves to tickle me there, and CHANGING between soft and a bit more like rough, I LOVE THAT SO MUCH I'VE UNLOCKED A NEW FORM OF TICKLING AND I WANNA KEEP IT

Now FOR THE TEASES-

She was like NORMALLY TALKING TO ME AS IF SHE WASN'T WRECKING ME?????

And I know I've said before that I don't like that, my opinion on it is still the same

BUUUT, she WAS acting as if she knew what she was doing, just that talking normally

So I'll take it

SHE ASKED ME IF I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN SHE JUST TALKED NORMALLY OR WHEN SHE TEASES ME

LIKE IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION????? (obviously the second option, I think we all knew it AND SHE DID AS WELL)

THEN IT WAS ALL LIKE TICKLE MONSTER STUFF THAT MY MIND DOESN'T REMEMBER CUZ I WASN'T REALLY THINKING AT THAT MOMENT YK

But I can tell you, it was flustering as hell

THEN

THE WIND

CLOSED

THE

FUCKING

DOOR

AND SHE WENT

"You know what that means? You're alone with the tickle monster~" AND THEN PROCEEDED TO TICKLE ME AGAIN

... How do I explain you guys HOW BAD THAT TEASE GETS ME?????????

It's officially scaling on my ranking of teases

Then it happened something that was so cute of her and I LOVE HER

She stopped

Rubbed my back

WHILE PRAISING????????

Then she just went "I'm sorry I'm not good with this aftercare thing" JSNMJXNWNFN😭😭😭

She just needs a little practice, but it felt so good regardless, I'm feeling so loved<33

THEN

It doesn't end here people

I TOLD YOU THIS WAS GOING TO BE LONG-

Then I just did what I do whenever I get flustered (try to distract myself)

SO I just started telling her something that happened to me in the restaurant

...

And guys

She

Started to tickle me

While talking

AND TOLD ME TO KEEP TALKING??????

I HAD TO TALK WHILE TICKLED IT IS SO INCREDIBLY FLUSTERING JUST LIKE EVERYTHING RELATED TO THIS TOPIC

Then the tickling stopped (sadly)

BUT NOT THIS RANT GUYS

Turns out I had texted my other amazing ler (obviously my baby @itzsana-kiddingmenow), AND I WAS ANSWERING HER

AND CLOUD TOOK MY PHONE AND TEXTED HER???????

AND THEN POSTED THAT POST YOU KNOW WHICH ONE-

Y'ALL I WAS D Y I N G, FOR REAL

AND IT DOESN'T END HERE-

I promise we're almost at the end-

When the class was over, we went upstairs to take the pianos to the lab (as always, yk)

And when we were in the stairs

SHE STARTED POKING ME LIKE A LOT-

Then we went downstairs and turns out my babe had answered so I had to chase Cloud cuz she had my phone AND I WANTED TO SEE TOO-

Then we saw it and yes

And then she had to go

AND before actually ending this, I wanna make this part an appreciation... Part of post for my ler cuz a bit after she posted that post and texted to Sana, we were about to start again the class and she turned to me and asked me "But did I overstepped? I should have better not do that?"

I can't explain how much I wanted to hug her for like forever and cry and tell her she's the best and she has never overstepped cuz she always makes sure I'm fine with what she's doing/did/will do, I love her so much she's definitely the best)

Cloud, when you see this, that you for all that, you're a great ler and friend I'm just not able to say it in person, Ilysm

NOW that was FINALLY all for Ahhie's Weekly Tickle Rant Of Fridays of today, I want y'all to look at the difference between today and the last week- Totally different

Thank you for reading all this if you did-

[piracytheorist]

FREND!! THE DLC!! I was waiting til you posted your thoughts <3 so glad you overall liked it <3 Ethan confirmed wanting to be a househusband cooking for Rose, walking her to school, singing her to sleep I'm so T_T my heart is exploded chris redfield pls go and stay gone, relentlessly trying to recruit a 16 year old who doesn't know ANYTHING about her father bc you totally fcking failed to do so in, again, 16 motherfking years - like, seriously??? she LITERALLY says " I don't know the first thing about him " chris WTF, how could you just say 'he died protecting you' ; bullied constantly, and if we go by what Eveline made her relive with the dolls, pretty damn harshly, that she can't trust people and has self-worth in the negatives (but she still fights! just like her daddy) - and the only thing we know he did is tell the teacher she isn't contagious? and she stayed there for more bulling?? what part of 'take care of her' didn't you get?? mia I'm side eyeing bc she 'hasn't seen her in ages' but we don't know how long 'ages' is, she didn't tell her anything about her dad? ahem back to gushing about my moldy babss The letter. THE LETTER. Ethan you sap. Best sap. Also I can't recall any other videogame father who tells their child 'I love you' so many times <3 <3 <3 and calls her, sweetie, sweetheart, honey and jellybean ♥♥ "You have me" don't mind me I'll just be here crying The moment he pushes Rose out of the way from Evie's attack had me just :O Trying to 1v1 Miranda without weapons... (...New Ethan pained sounds and lines and getting tossed around and impaled 👀 sorry the whump is strong in this not to mention it) (but not Rose's!! those death screams are awesome but she's bby and I don't wanna see her too hurt) and the ending ;_; ... fck it, I say it IS Ethan walking towards the car, Jellybean was able to pull the ring outta the Megamycete consciousness so why not her daddy? that's what I'm choosing to believe ♥♥♥ -laa

AAAAAHHHH I was waiting for you to come to my inbox and gush about it!!

God yeah despite my criticisms the story did a great job at completely breaking me. They went so hard for the feels and I can't help feeling grateful for that. Ethan and Rose may be badasses, yet the narrative doesn't try to show their emotional moments as an exception to the rule. It embraces their sensitive natures and shows it as part of them, along with their badassery. And I love that so much, I love that they allowed Ethan to be a total sap with his daughter. From the words he told her as "Michael", to showing her his thoughts from the house, TO THAT LETTER, to saving her, to having a tearjerker moment with her at the end! There was no shame, only love for their characters and the little but precious time they got to spend together.

Yeah uhm about Chris... I am hearing theories that Capcom wants to take it to a route where Chris has a corruption arc and just turns into a villain, and honestly, with what they gave us from this DLC? It wouldn't surprise me if they really took it there. If that interview was correct, that said that Chris took Rose out of Mia's custody - though I guess that happened before Rose started school, in her diary, up until that point, she said Mommy taught her some stuff, so she was with her for some time. And yeah it is very sus that Mia didn't tell her about Ethan? Like even if Rose was like 6 when Chris took her, that's enough to learn a few stuff about her dad. That's just part of my unanswered questions from this story. Though having Ethan say "I'm so lucky to have you both in my life" tells me Author's Intent is to not hate on Mia, and that's enough for me to think Rose reunites with her at some point and they rebuild their relationship. I mean, again, what was the point of showing Mia holding Rose in her arms as the last shot of the main game, if Rose ends up completely estranged from her?!

But yeah, Chris' behaviour is completely unforgivable. All about not telling her anything about Ethan (and don't come at me about "uwu Chris is feeling guilty and it hurts him to talk about Ethan" THAT'S NOT ROSE'S PROBLEM YET HE MADE IT ONE!), leaving her in a school where she gets constantly bullied, not building her up emotionally yet pestering her about joining his force. Like on one hand he doesn't try to make her feel okay with herself, but on the other it's not bad for him to use her powers. It's almost as if Ethan didn't die to stop someone from using Rose for their own benefit :) :) :)

Anyway as you said back to positive things

Yeah in the main game we see Ethan's determination to save Rose physically, in the DLC we see his determination to help her emotionally. He's supportive, helpful, excited for her successes, even sassy but still supportive when she's being stubborn (I mean, like father like daughter right), and then he goes full-on emotional with everything. When he asks her if she resents her father...

I don't think I've ever felt physical pain from an ellipsis before. The way he sounds so hesitant to ask that because he's afraid of what she might answer, but still wants her to be honest and talk about it since it seems to upset her so much. That he's ready to listen to her ire about him, if that is the case. It's like that ellipsis is the physical manifestation of how much his heart is breaking at this moment, fearing that his own daughter hates him because he wasn't able to be there for her. And I love, love, love that they gave him this moment. For him to ask her that so hesitantly, and for her to immediately spill her heart out about how she wished he was there. It's all emotion and feelings and it's given its proper time instead of being rushed for the sake of macho horror and shoot 'em up stuff.

And like... an entire section dedicated to what Ethan loved about his baby daughter and how he wondered what she'll be like growing up. Because all he wanted was to be there for her... and THAT FUCKING LETTER breaks me because it's all things he wanted more than anything else to do and yet he didn't get to do ;_; and reading it to her in his voice, opening up his heart to her and showing her as much of himself as he could to her! It's just all emotional build-up and connection between the two... and then! Then! He doesn't hold anything back when Eveline curses at her. "You have me" - I LOVE THAT SO MUCH ETHAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! If he was trying to keep up the role of Michael, at this moment he dropped it completely. Having seen how low Rose sees herself, he just openly stands by her side and supporting her when someone else tries to break her down. And then he manifests to protect her from Eveline, facing her ire himself instead. And when he tells Rose to keep going and find that crystal, he sounds so desperate yet so determined to help her even if he suffers for it... OH MY GOOOOOD T_T

And yeah the way he just run up to Miranda - who was already in her powered-up evolved form - without any weapons but his own unbreakable determination and love for his daughter... the way he gets hurt and screams in pain and all he wants is for Rose to get to safety... but Rose is her dad's daughter and cannot leave him like this. She cannot walk away without talking to him on her own terms! And he sacrifices what little power he has left to help Rose, once again pushing through pain and death to protect her from being lost and used. I wanna SCREAM. I love them both so much 😭😭

And yeah mmm btw never feel bad about mentioning whump I mean you know I'm here for it 👀👀 the way he screamed when Miranda's attack impaled him? My baby boy <3 Todd Soley giving it his all again <3 On the other hand Rose is baby and nothing should ever happen to her like, ever. It's Ethan's job to get whumped in his daughter's place <3

And then he feels he failed her because she took her powers back to go back to him and defeat Miranda... but it was all Rose. Being "normal" did not matter to her anymore, what mattered to her was to have a chance to talk to her dad for real; and the way she took her powers back and she like, became so much more powerful she could evade Miranda and absorb her attacks to hit her back, because now she had accepted them as part of herself. It was not a mistake, it was not a sacrifice; and all Ethan wanted was for her to be happy, so he's not sad for her. He's proud. And he gets to move on knowing his daughter would do anything for him in return. She started off upset and confused because she didn't know him, and she ended up reciprocating the devotion he showed towards her. I am completely ruined by this, by the way :)

And I thought that his last words being "Goodbye, Rosemary" was devastating?? Boy I was NOT ready for "I'm so proud of you. I'm so very proud of you. I love you, Rose". The way those lines are delivered will probably stay with me like, forever. It may be less than 24 hours since I watched the playthrough, but they're already up on the top of my all-time favourite lines from fictional media. Once again, it's not only shamelessly so, it's proudly emotional and openly broken. It breaks them and it breaks us. They deserved this reconnection and we deserved crying like babies over it. I love it.

And yeah in the epilogue, considering Rose's powers would grow stronger since she's accepted them and is training with them, maybe her love for her dad on the day of his birthday was strong enough to manifest him back into reality. Unless proven otherwise we choose to believe so!

Feel free to talk to me more about it, I am certainly not done screaming talking about it myself :D 💙

[criminal-sen]

Okay, worst part about not having tumblr mobile is DEFINITELY the inability to vent whenever I please. Like yesterday, I was at the laundromat and had this. surreal experience where four washing machines in a row ate my quarters and refused to regurgitate them into the coin return. I've never had a single quarter genuinely truly Eaten at that laundromat? So having it happen at multiple machines made me feel like I was in weird, shitty Bizarro World (more likely, some mechanic 'fixed' them and wound up fucking them up even more? But i didn't reach that conclusion til later)

And then, since I'd just spent the last few minutes cussing and banging on the machines, I turned to the one other lady that was there and told her what had happened. Figured I owed an explanation, and maybe she'd also had it happen so we could like have a shared moment or whatever? But she. didn't say anything back to me??? And instead just shot me this wary, dagger-filled glare??? So at this point, I reach this little tipping point where my mood officially goes into 'FUUUUUUCK' zone and go out to my car and sit there Fuming and um. would very much have liked to post this rant about it right then.

And yes, laundromat scenario wasn't the worst thing in the world but it DID make me realize that tumblr mobile is one of the ways I use to calm myself down after Dumb Shit happens. Most of my vents go into drafts but they're still uh. vents. Maybe I need to carry around a little vent journal or smth idfk. I don't think it would have the same effect, though? Because the ability (whether I use it or not) to Share With Friends is, I think, the main draw.

Hmmm what else. I'm working on some little Nemu arts rn (was gonna finish that pen n ink but it's sooo wonky looking and I just can't seem to make it look decent? And I think the main reason for that is bc I haven't spent nearly enough time drawing her, or any women for that matter). Also have decided on my next Big Art - gonna tackle that Mayu/Szayel art where Szayel is using his weird udon transformation to function as Chair. I want to really go hyper-detailed with it and make it look like a.. statue or some shit. But haven't even started lol

[astorytotellyourfriends]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

tagged by @magicalrocketships, thank u pal! 💛

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

252 😅😅

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

3,190,822 😅😅😅😅

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i tend to stick to one fandom at a time, so for now i'm writing hellcheer for stranger things, but in the past i've written for: 1d, julie and the phantoms, shadowhunters, 911, and young royals! (some of those were just one-offs tho)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

can't help falling in love with you (1d - narry)

keep me up all night (jatp - peterpatter)

tell me how to feel about you now (1d - louis/harry)

if we don't leave this town (we might never make it out) (stranger things - hellcheer)

damn bitch are you okay (julie and the phantoms - multi/prompt collection)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

yes! i try to respond to every comment i get, tho sometimes i don't reply to ones that are like replies to my previous comments bc that gets to be too much. i also moderate all my comments so i tend to delete the ones that are rude (which truthfully i do not get a lot of, which is nice!)

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oh without a doubt that's always have & i always will. i set out to write a very sad fic and that's exactly what i did.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i'd say this could apply to pretty much every other one of my fics bc i do prefer a happy ending since isn't that what we're mostly all here for??? happy endings for our blorbos???

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i have in the past. it's part of the reason why i started moderating comments. i simply don't understand why someone would take time out of their day to read something when they usually know they aren't going to like it before they've even started, and then take MORE time to write a nasty comment to someone who shared their work FOR FREE. go be miserable somewhere else, thank you!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes! all kinds, i suppose. i'm not really sure what that second question means.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i don't think AUs count as crossovers so ... no? i once had an idea for a 1d/teen wolf crossover a million years ago but that never really made it out of my head much less onto ao3. once upon a time i also had an idea for a jatp/hellcheer crossover ... that could maybe still happen.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

yes. someone once reposted several jatp fics of mine to fucking wattpad (derogatory) and only deleted them after i commented on every. single. one. calling them out for it. wattpad did fucking nothing.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but i've had a couple people ask over the years.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes! so far i think the only one that's ever been posted is the only thing i want (when one drop hits my mouth) with my dear friend @cunnninghams, but many fics have been brainstormed over the years with grand plans of one day being written! (the omfd s2 we dreamed up lives on in our hearts if not our memories @magicalrocketships)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

how DARE u ask me this i refuse to answer on principle.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

ughhhh i don't want to say i'll never finish it but we're edging towards a year since i last updated i roll 'til i change my luck and i just have zero will to go back to it. but! i really don't want to delete it either so we'll just have to wait and see :(

16. What are your writing strengths?

i take very great pride in my dialogue. my sister read one of my works recently and complimented my dialogue and i was all 🥰🥰🥰 over it. i've also had multiple people compliment my ability to write scenes well enough that they can see/hear them in their heads and i absolutely love that because that's exactly how i write!! i have a very vivid imagination and it takes a lot of effort to try and get it right on the page.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

BREVITY.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

english is bad enough i don't need to be stupid in another language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

once upon a time i wrote self-insert lotr rpf fic that will never, ever see the light of day (shut up i was like eleven) BUT the first fic i actually posted for other people to read (which has subsequently been deleted from internet existence) was a bandom fic specifically about simple plan lmfao

20. Favorite fic you've written?

oh, that's so hard. if i'm going by fandom, for 1d it's these four walls and me bc that fic has a piece of my soul forever. for jatp, it's a tie between coping and stubborn, selfish, easily jealous (the former because it helped soothe the sting of the show getting cancelled, and the latter because i love my stupid fucked up boys who can't get their shit together to say i love you). and for stranger things, it's if we don't leave this town (we might never make it out) because i had the most wonderful time writing it and i'm so glad so many people felt so deeply connected to the story.

wow that was a lot so i'm passing along this enormous task to @cyraclove, @gorgeousgreymatter-x, @medusasfinalgirl, and @staceymcgillicuddy

[frecklystars]

Hi, I'm the stranger that dropped you an ask some time ago. I actually followed you to see how are you. I really want you to get better, as your story saddened me a lot. I hate to see people in the community hurt. Especially because of others in the same community.

I saw your post with the story about how you meet Steve Blum, and because it mentioned your art I allowed myself to looked through your art pieces on your blog... and I have to say they are really amazing! You are truly talented Keri! I hope things would get better, so you can share more amazing art of yours with the world ❤❤❤ I know I will patiently wait for it to happen.

I wanted to let you know, that I still believe in you, and I'm wholeheartedly rooting for you! You can get better even if now it may seem impossible. It truly is. It just takes time, and the mindset. And I know that you are able to pull this off. You're amazing! Time will heal a lot of things, and the rest, human kindness. I know you would get better. Take care, and you would be able to chill in no time. Sending love from other side of the globe ❤❤❤

Wow, thank you.... wow. I had to reread this a few times bc it made me feel so comforted ;-; That's really sweet that you saw my absolute mess of a post coming back, and still followed me just to check up on me 🥺🥺 thank you for telling me! I was so so so scared when I was coming back to tumblr, I had the expectation that nobody had noticed my long unplanned disappearance and that my feelings wouldn't be valid, but I can't believe how wrong I was and literally everybody has stuck by my side thru ALL of it. I'm very touched and it's asks like yours that remind me that it's okay for me to feel kinda messy right now 💕💕

Oh gosh, thank you for liking my art!!!! I haven't drawn consistently in such a long time. Any reminder of the work I once did is so special to me, I can't wait til the day I'm able to draw self ship every week like I used to 🥰✨ I'm sooo so so so flattered you enjoy my artwork!!

I've actually joined an art group/club(?) this week, and even just one session with a group of other artists did wonders for me. I managed to make a full body, fully colored/shaded illustration yesterday when I was in the group!!! It only took me like 3 hours and it was complete!!! And I was so so so proud of myself! It wasn't self ship, it was a gift for one of my coworkers for her upcoming anniversary, but still!! I'm so happy I did it!! That's sooo so so so big for me because the last time I was able to make a fully colored drawing was back in December (unless if you count the one drawing I made where i'm hugging Tricerashot). I haven't even doodled anything in several months, let alone a fully colored drawing, so I'm hoping that consistently attending this group is gonna help me get back into the habit of drawing... also it's extremely helpful for me to be supported by so many nice people in the same room.

You really said it, time and human kindness. I want to believe healing is possible. I notice that I genuinely feel so so so so so much lighter in my heart when I'm spending time with others and remembering that there's so many good ppl in the world. I don't want to be the kind of person that automatically assumes everyone is out to get me, I want to trust my friends wouldn't betray me or have any malicious intentions towards me. I've been hanging out with friends at least twice a week every week in person, and wow it's a huge noticeable positive difference... and of course opening these messages every once in a while and seeing encouragement makes my day as well~ so thank you for believing in me, and rooting for me!!! I can feel your love all the way from over here in my corner of the world! Anon, I am sending you lots of love and hugs and star-shaped wishes!! 🌟✨

[welcometogrouchland]

luz noceda for the ask game

Anon you caught me right before I was Abt to go to sleep but I can't not do this. It's for my girl (feel free to send me more while I sleep btw these r fun)

favorite thing about them: LITERALLY WHERE DO I EVEN START. She's one of my top ten protagonists of all times. I love the lessons she learns, the way she learns them, I love watching her grow and struggle and thrive. I love her so so so much. To keep things simple(ish) I will say that my favorite thing about Luz (which I've mentioned once or twonce before) is that she's an objectively cringey, very ND coded kid who's still given the utmost love and respect from the narrative. She gets to be objectively fucking uncool and this story still loves her. And it's nice it makes me feel loved by proxy

least favorite thing about them: I mean, I'd say in season 1 it's the tendency to flatten the boiling isles and it's people into 2 dimensional tropes for easily comprehension, but that's also one of my favorite flaws of Luz and the narrative always makes an interesting point out of this attitude. Maybe it's the suicidal ideation bc it really scared me the first time I watched thanks to them. I knew nothing bad was gonna happen (within reason), this is Disney, but I was like DAMN THEY'RE GOING THERE!!!

favorite line: okay I actually cannot in good conscious choose one bc my friend once informed me that me and Luz just. Talk the same. Same silly idioms and phrases same whimsical expressions and syntax same humour, etc etc. It's a chicken egg situation and do not know who started it but I know that it's frighteningly accurate. So I'll just go for the safe classic "the only thing I've ever really wanted was to be understood" bc. Y'know. Best moment in the whole show and everything

brOTP: LUZ AND HUNTER DREAM TEAM I LOVE THEM SO SO MUCH!!!! OH MY GOD. Close second is Willow tho

OTP: you guys already know I'm here for lumity but I will let you guys in on the fact that when I first watched the show and was still on the early episodes of season 1 where Amity is a dick I was firmly on team willuz. I still love them <3

nOTP: Luz and Hunter. It's just really not for me, even if I can see why it appeals to others. I'm too attached to the familial reading of their dynamic and the doors that opens up analysis wise. Also my irl brother is a hunter kinnie and I just outlined my credentials for being a Luz kinnie so /j

random headcanon: she played guitar when she was younger! The one in the basement belonged to Manny and he'd sit her on his lap and show her simple chords and riffs. She got a ukulele so she could practice. Then when Manny died she fell off playing it bc it felt wrong doing it without him, even though she still played uke sometimes. She picks it back up though during the season 3 timeskip and post canon! Also she was born in New York and lived there til she was 2/3, at which point she moved around a few states until landing in Connecticut at the age we see in the thanks to them video diaries (I wanna say 7 or 8?)

unpopular opinion: I also think Luz gets characterized as more bitter/vengeful/surly than she really is, especially in fics set around season 3. She wants to be happy, to have fun with her friends, she just feels like doesn't deserve it. Also I low-key think Luz is like. A genius. Just in an unconventional way. She rediscovered a lost form of magic and then taught herself it all on her own. She probably struggles with long division but I mean it when I say she is literally a genius imo

song i associate with them: TOO MANY TO NAME MAN!!!! LITERALLY!!!!! The ones on my brain rn are sweet hibiscus tea by penelope scott, underground and life on mars by david bowie, people pleaser by yet to bloom, towards crescent park by bad moves and fine, great by modern baseball

favorite picture of them

Tie between the iconic "to be understood" frame (boarded by Emmie Cicierga) or like. Literally any Dana art of her but specifically the "see you in 2023" gif cycling through all of luzs most iconic fits. I love both of those sm

[craterdogs]

I'm not sure where you're at in MSQ so. For the WoL ask meme pick 3 you wanna answer the most!

thank you for the ask! i love my special lil man so i'm glad people are curious about him :]

i just got to stormblood post patch so i know what most of these mean thankfully. everything's under the cut cus this seems to have gotten a bit out of hand

[asks from this: https://www.tumblr.com/craterdogs/701644429929365504/ffxiv-ask-meme-wols?source=share]

Why did they become an adventurer? Glory? Money? …?

i still haven't posted my Goro tribe lorepost cus it's not done but the short of it is they think horses are divinity so every tribe member is assigned a horse of the opposite sex to be symbolically wed to when they come of age (~16).

Ori's beloved horsewife Agtuurai died when she was attacked by a mammoth when Ori was ~22 so she died well before she was supposed to. it kinda irreparably fucked him up since any emotional intimacy in the Goro tribe is expected to be shared with what is essentially an emotional support animal that everyone has. romantic sexual partnerships between tribe members are kinda unheard of bc of the horse thing and also the reproduction roulette (mates drawn by lots. for real) happens every spring. it's all either compartmentalized or regimented.

this grief of losing his beloved Agtuurai combined with Ori having a visceral aversion to the reproduction roulette concept (turns out he's gay. whoops) AND the knowledge that he can't keep dodging the mating game like he has for two years AND he has no emotional support anymore to deal with it all just kinda. broke something in him. he also started having the Echo visions around this point and thought he was genuinely losing his mind. so he set out for Eorzea looking for answers like the Echo told him to because that was the only guidance he had at that point and he literally felt he had nothing left to lose.

it's basically this: it was more socially acceptable with his tribemates to become an adventurer than to stay there and he'd rather leave on his own terms than face ostracization from his small tight knit community

How do they deal with the pressure of being a or the Warrior of Light? Do they have a ritual to relax and recenter themselves?

okay so. he just never takes a break. the idea behind it is if he's busy he won't have time to Think but unfortunately Thinking still occurs occasionally. i joked initially that he'd go hide in some bushes or smth to have a quick sob every once and a while but i fear it has become canon, like everything else about him. we will stick to the bit til death takes us both.

but he knows (thinks?) he can save the people he's failed to save before if he embraces being the Chosen One. so he carries on. he's feeling a bit in over his head at this point though now that he is a significant political figure

Tell us about the two major events from MSQ that left the deepest emotional scars on your WoL.

this may be cheating but the entirety of heavensward/dragonsong tested his conviction. all the people that died in that arc were very dear to him and that's also when he learned he'd been lied to/left out of a lot of the Scions' plotting & scheming and had really only been used as cannon fodder #feelsbadman (also playing these arcs as a dragoon fucking slaps i love 𝔇𝔯𝔞𝔤𝔬𝔫𝔰 so much. and Estinien my good friend Estinien)

the OTHER thing is not main story. it is a FATE chain on the Azim Steppe called the Dataqi Chronicles. in short: the Goro tribe had a good number of its people slaughtered by the matanga beastmen. the Dataq tribe with the help of a single Goro survivor (and you, the player) help save the rest of the tribe. it's a very sweet story and i had no idea it existed til i got there so you can imagine the excitement.

so. picture this. you are Ori. you are visiting your homeland for the first time since you left a year or so ago. you are nervous about seeing your family bc you're worried you've changed too much so you put off visiting (he loves them and will defend his tribe to any naysayers despite the way it messed him up. you know how it is with family). then you run into the Dataq and help save an injured hunter they found and oh shit, she's your cousin and 1/4 of your tribe is dead. BUT. you can still help save who's left.

Ori feels immeasurable guilt about being too late and too cowardly to seek out his tribe sooner. but it solidifies his resolve to carry on and be brave even (especially) when shit gets personal. i am writing a short story about this so there will be a good long response to this sometime later

to summarize all these answers:

(he'll be fine. maybe)

[chocolatepot]

chocopot, first of all: i followed you on tumblr bc I found your Howl's Moving Castle fics so incredibly charming. <3 Thank you for writing those.

I've been in fandom long enough that I've seen major fan wanks come and go, enough that i've gone from "oh no, fan wank! can't we all just get along?" to "omg this has all happened before why can't you fools see" to just leaving to go outside and smoke a cigarette til it's over, a la that meme of ben affleck.

I enjoyed the OFMD show, of course. I found it so charming, and it was such a wish fulfillment for me personally to have the perfect delicious dynamics that fandom eats like a full course meal, with the additional surprise of the canon supporting those pairings. I also appreciated the canon approaching this with a light touch, enough to leave room for fandom and also eschewing the usual ham-handed After School Special style way queer rep often is.

(I am of course not dismissing those representation efforts in any way, but those storylines don't always have the forward momentum that leads to the creation of fanworks. Sometimes the non-canon character dynamics lead to MORE fanworks because of more ambiguity to play with, funny enough)

I've been living vicariously through ofmd fanwank from you (thanks for being out there in the field, haha). So much of the Discourse with a capital D just seems so wild to me. The best way I can think to describe it is, instead of the "YesAnd" of most fandoms that feed off each other's energy, it's instead more of a "NoBut."

I was wondering if you think there's something different about this particular flavor of wank and what factors you think contribute to it.

Thanks for reading my long ask, and all the best!

Thank you! I'm glad you liked them. I gave up on DoMAYstic after like a week but I think I wrote some cute fluff during that week.

I started writing a response to this ages ago, but I think I need to scrap it and start over because I was getting too into the weeds.

On one level, I don't find the fandom that wanky at all. The amount of fic, art, gifsets, and vids created for OFMD after just one season is incredible, and while it's slowed down since last summer, it's still pretty intense. I see loads and loads of "Yes And" posts like "imagine ed and stede going to bed on the revenge after they reunite. imagine stede wrapping ed in one of his nightshirts" on Tumblr, and people posting their fic updates and other people reblogging and liking them. There is also discussion of representation in the show and how it's interpreted in fandom, and sometimes the latter is more of a "No But," but it's all in earnest and I think it's productive even when I disagree with people and quietly scroll past.

Now, Twitter? Twitter is an entirely different beast. Twitter as a website is designed to stimulate wank, making people express stupidly brash opinions for attention and then making other people feel the need to amplify that or dunk on it. Every time I spend a day doing Twitter on my fannish account, it's so draining and makes me feel like there's no hope for the fandom because it does the same thing. From my perspective it looks like there's a lot of clout chasing, people becoming semi-BNFs and attacking each other and getting hoist by their own petard when their tactics get used against them.

It's a microcosm, though. Almost none of it seems to escape the group of OFMD fans on Twitter who seem to really care about the drama, so I just kind of ignore it, or enjoy hearing about it secondhand.

The fandom is mostly a "Yes And" place. Sometimes in a good way (feverishly making excellent content), sometimes in a bad way (passing around flawed fanon as Definitely True). The AO3 category is bursting with creativity, thousands of canon and setting AUs, fusions, new ways to have the reunion happen, takes on backstory, and more. There's an incredible amount of fanart that does the same things. The fact that the slash juggernaut is also the main canon ship seems to have produced a fandom with a high degree of unity. While there's lots of discourse over Izzy stans, judging by AO3 that's actually a pretty small faction of the fandom as a whole.

[woozi]

yza beloved <3

HELPHSJDSKDSJSK manifesting for both of our agendas to become reality one day and also after gotsvt finish here i'm sending them to you 🤝🏽 we all deserve fun in this house (also to this day i have no idea about how that dispatch gyu, rowoon (and there was someone else too but i can't remember now 😭) photoshoot happened jdjssk remember hoshi and yugyeom together </3 in that main dancers dispatch vlive? and photoshoot)

also NAUR! i remember now i had this fuzzy yellow doll like idk what that animal was supposed to be helpp but bc of its yellow color it used to remind me of tweetie from looney toons, it also had its hands joint like you could pull them apart and make it clap but not too much. oh my god,, i don't think i would've ever remembered this again if not for you and those bears

OMG YESSS OFC 🥺 i would love to watch a movie with you <33 i will let you know details in dm later when both of us become more free than now djsjsk

i watched spirited away in the start of this week, it was so good thank you for recommending it to me! it all truly is about togetherness isn't it? be it human world or spirit world i liked how no face was portrayed, he wasn't doing anything until chihiro noticed his existence, once he got the taste of being noticed he wanted more of it but everyone else has always ignored him so he tried a different approach by giving them what they wanted. like he wasn't some bad guy he was just tired of existing with no one acknowledging him but then chihiro and others go to visit the other twin sister and she treats him the same way she treats her other guests in her house after that he didn't act up or something. i really liked that. i also loved chihiro's bravery and her friendship with haku it was so sweet :') one thing i don't understand is that why or how haku got roped into being yubaba's right-hand person? it was mentioned the river was destroyed and apartments were made on it so doesn't it make him an official spirit? it's a realm where spirits come to rest and enjoy after dwording so jdjsksl idk i keep thinking about this a little too hard

ALSO ! i was going to mention this the day vernon posted about spirited away but forgot,,, i think he's stalking our conversations 🤭

i'm manifesting restful and peaceful months for you bestie <3 also i remember last oct you had jeonghan and kuromi theme?? correct me if i'm wrong hdjsks but like this means we've been talking to each other for a year already?? where is time going hejsksksj

ofc i remember little details <3 i'm your friend so :3 sending good vibes your way as always <3 also feel free to take as much time as you need don't worry about replying late i'm not going anywhere <3

MA CHERIE <3333333333333

if gotsvt comes i hope it's not to soon i still gotta find work to get them soundcheck tickets lmfaOO 😭😭and ure absolutely right theyre dispatch thingies 😋

WAIT OH MY GOD THAT'S SO CUTE THAT U CAN MAKE HIM CLAP </3333333333 but tweety made me laugh lmfao all i can think of is his big head

LETS GAUR <333333333333333333333 IM EXCITED!!! i won't be free until after the 21st though uni's still threatening my life til then 😔

ALSO UR ANALYSIS,,,,,,,,, SO TRUE NOW IM SO SAD FOR HIM AGAIN 😭😭😭😭 ALSO NOOOOO ure not thinking abt it too hard, ure asking all the right questions to get the lore tbh <3 the way i understood it, haku's a "lost soul" given that the river was destroyed and he had no home to come back to anymore. bc of this he went to seek yubaba, asking to become her apprentice in order to learn magic, and like everyone who becomes her subordinate, his name got stolen. but even so, i also think (heavy on the think, i'm not sure if its canon) that bc he's unlike the people in the bath house world who still have homes to come back to, his name wasn't only forgotten bc yubaba stole it from him, he also started to forget his name because he didn't have a home anymore; so either way he'd still meet the same fate.

AND I KNOW <3333 also he's just like us fr lmfao <3

WAIT NO OH MY GOD??????? I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE????????????? i feel like i've known you since forever but also how did a WHOLE YEAR just pass us by in the blink of an eye 😭 thank u for sticking around ilyvm i truly mean it 🥺

hoping you also get some time off for urself!! sexy ppl deserve em 😋 LOV U AGAIN THANK U FOR ALWAYS BEING SO KIND 🥺🥺 MWAH URE MY BESTIE FR

[somnolancee]

Just read ehat you posted. Wanted to let you know that i feel similiar abot everything, about feeling ignored and being unable to find the passion in things you once loved, needing to feel professional and perfect in all the art you put out

I wanted to let you know that you're cared about, at least by me, even if i dont say much too often. Your work has brought me many smiles and interests ever since i entered the balan fandom and through all the stuff the fandom has experienced you were always there trying to help, even if it feels like you dont care, that meant a lot.

If you need a long break i want you to know I or anyone won't blame you, or even if you decide to leave. It's fine so long as you feel better in the long run. My words may not be much as a rando anon but i just wanted to let you know that i care.

I wish I knew who you are, but I respect the anon

First, of course I relate to you as well and I give you all my support bc dammit things like this are hell and really sad...

I'm ngl that I'm really surprised that someone noticed my "implication" in the BW fandom. I mean I don't read that often (I believe it hasn't happened til your message-) and I can't help but being relieved.

I always and still care about this community and indeed this fandom has been a roller coaster, good and bad and I really did my best to try to help this game and the community.

And so I thank you for your message and especially for this part.

A break won't do anything sadly, but I'll try to not be as active I used to be. Kinda lost right now.

Thank you so much again ♥

[milominderbindered]

is it bad that i don't want to watch druck? like i really want to bc i've been a big fan of skam and i usually binge it after all the episodes are out but some of the spoilers that i've seen are making me realize it's just a lot of pain? a lot of the scenes and character exploration is cut. is it bad that i don't want to watch it because they aren't getting their happy scenes? as someone who's part of the lgbtq+ community myself, is it bad that i can't watch something so painful?

hey, you should never feel bad for not wanting to watch something ! everything in this world vibes with individual people in different ways, and if something seems like it’d be too painful for you, you should absolutely take care of yourself and not watch if you don’t wanna. you’re under nooo obligation to watch stuff just bc it has rep, i promise ♥

that being said, i really don’t think druck is too sad !! probably watching people live-react to it as the clips come out makes it seem a bit more extreme than it is, bc emotions are running high while we wait between clips. but soon the whole season will be finished and i think in retrospect, the angsty parts will seem much smaller. while it’s definitely got a more angsty-in-the-middle structure than the OG season 3, and i can see how that’d be heavy to go through, we’re ALSO now getting really cute happy clips post-reunion, so it seems like they didn’t skip that altogether, just moved it. you’ve gotta bear in mind that they’re telling a different story than the other s3′s, so i don’t actually think it would have worked if they’d stuck to the original structure, and the new story they’re telling is certainly a bit painful but also very sweet

obvs i can’t say for sure what’s gonna happen as we’ve still got a week of clips yet, but to me it seems it’s gonna have an outright happier ending than most of the other remakes anyway!  that’s all just my opinion, but if i were you, i’d wait til it’s over and binge it all in one go so you’re not having to wait through the angsty bits, sure, but wouldn’t be TOO worried about it being very painful. (also, david and matteo are the sweetest, dorkiest, most playful kids in love i think i’ve ever seen, so they’re a joy to watch)

[kyunsies]

I've been meaning to send you a sweet message for like fours days, but I've had such a WEEK. It's been a mess and super tiring for no reason, and I know you've been busy and stressed, too. AND THEN what do I wake up to this morning afternoon?? MÄDCH FOLLOWED ME????? 💖😭💖🥺💖🥰💖😭💖🥰💖😭💖🥰💖🥺💖

Anyway hi I've missed you!! I hope you're able to have a restful weekend even with your assignment and all the studying you're doing for your TWO upcoming exams.

My sister and I went to the store to just LOOK at plants yesterday and we each ended up buying a plant.. oops. We already have a shelf nearly full of plants in our living room, but the one I got is a lower light plant, so it'll work nicely in my room instead and it looks so great on my side table 🥰

Okay also One Day!! I think you said it isn't really your style - but I really love the simple melody and how smooth and just.. nice the music is. I love the multiplicity of mx's style and they execute it all very well. Also .... Changkyun's voice??? I feel like he doesn't normally sing as high as he did in this song and boy oh boy it's really really something else ain't it 🥰 also your gifs of the mv are lovely!! Idr if I've reblogged them already or if the post is still in my queue, but I wanted to tell you again that your gifsets are always amazing!!!! 💖💖💖

I know this message is pretty long (oops) so take your time replying! I hope you're doing well and hang in there til Tuesday!!! 💖 dkbtho

hi hun !!! no worries <3 honestly last week was real bad for me LKDFSLDK just super stressful and i have exams on monday and tuesday so i'm still a little stressy but its okay !!! life happens bub don't worry about it lol :')

i have missed u too while u were gone hun !!!! i can't say my weekend was relaxing at all bc of the stupid assingment and studying but :') i got to spend a little time with my best friend last night so that made me feel better <3 and OOOO U GOT PLANTS <3 what kinds did you get? you can never have too many plants :-)

about one day !!!! i liked it !!!!!!! youre definitely right it's totally not my style of music but it was nice nonetheless <3 i thought changkyun sounded so beautiful in the first verse, i didn't even realize it was him tbh LDKFJ ,,, also i know a lot of ppl don't really like their english stuff bc they seem a little "restricted" from doing what they want, but at least for american pop music a lot of stuff is just a lot simpler which ppl like (i dont like it lmao) but i can see why all about love and this single are all on the chill side :') i tend to like music with complex sounds so yeah this was very minimalistic i think but STILL I LOVED !!!! and thank u so much for liking my gifs bub :(((((( it makes me so happy whenever i read these things <3

also i know u mentioned that u were a musician, i wanted to know if you watch this channel on youtube?? i watch them ALL the time lol but like ,,,,,,,, these ppl are geniuses when it comes to song composition and stuff i'm just like how can u analyze a whole kpop song like that LKDFJ like tell me, do u know the terminology they use (if you end up watching some of their stuff)?? crazy <3 anyways hun !!! i hope u have a very nice week this week and let's get thru it :)

[templeofshame]

where do u think the line is when we're discussing stuff about dnp? dunno if you've seen the recent posts on idb, but there was an issue about the thread name being too similar to the vday vid. i understand why ppl weren't too happy with it, but now i don't know what we can talk about and what we can't. they've also deleted old tweets/formspring answers/dailybooths before, so can we talk about those? or is it bc til this day phil still hunts down the vid and claims them so there's a difference?

There’s a lot in this question. If it’s about what’s ok on IDB, I think Mandy did a clarification post and linked to the rules. Obviously, there are things that might be fine via the rules and still get people upset, like the thread title. 

If it’s about what I think is okay, I’m pretty low on boundaries in fan spaces (and pretty high on them on D&P’s official tags, social media, etc.). I think the gray areas for me are mostly around family and friends who are not in the public eye, and that’s a longer discussion, but I’m generally okay with fictionalization but think that factual conversation should stay private among people we trust not to stalk or harrass. (I tend to think tweets/formspring/dailybooth/videos that were deliberately public at one time are fair game for discussion because that’s the way the internet works, and honestly most of the time I wouldn’t know whether or not a tweet has been deleted.)

Personally, I didn’t have a problem with the thread title; yeah, sure, it’s a vday vid reference, but I don’t see much value in pretending that we haven’t seen the vday vid if we have. (I also do think that the presence of “cherry” references in deliberately-public spaces also makes it feel like less of a Personal Thing than things that only appear in the vday vid. Like my fave, the abandoned hospital, which I talk about all the time, sorry about it.) That’s not to say we should mention anything in D&P spaces or reupload the video, but if people saw the thread title, they’re either not gonna get the reference or they know about the vid already.  To me, the only harm is the discomfort it gave some forum members, whose feelings are valid even though they’re not ones I have. (The argument that it’s “disrespectful” to D&P, in fan spaces, doesn’t work for me; I just don’t think it’s reasonable to say that the only “respectful” thing to do is collectively forget that things that happened happened. Shitty things happen, and it’s mean to tease people about them, but there’s a lot of middle ground between that and a gag rule.)

Look at me, having opinions that probably a lot of people disagree with, and that maybe I haven’t thought out well! If anyone wants to have a reasonable conversation about this, I really haven’t codified my feelings. I mostly talk about these things in private, and I am open-minded about fic that addresses what it wants to address because I love fic, so I’ve mostly been governed by other people’s lines.

[pokefanbri]

From my heartbreak support fb group, I think these are wise words.

Hello for sure everyone joined this group to get answers from their anxities and depressions caused by a break up.

I am also in the process of healing right now and i want to share you guys what i am doing because it works for me tho may not work for everyone but still try if you want to 🙂

Me and my 8 month relationship ex broke up the day after Christmas. Since it's very fresh what i did is i tried and did my best to get him back.

1. Sent him a long ass letter with our photos

2. Messaged him twice to give our relationship another shot

3. Posted stuff on my blog.. "i learned a lot of things in my life lately blah blah blah" just to show him that i'm changing for myself and the relationship (IF we give it another shot)

4. I gave him the space that he needs that's why i didn't message him at all for 2 days and messaged him again on New Year trying to save our relationship for the last time.

Still, it didn't work out.

Lesson (based on my experience):

— as long as you did your part, did all your best to save the relationship, YOU'RE FINE NO REGRETS. You're allowed to message your ex days after the break up bc you're still adjusting from everything especially if you guys always talk or see each other BUT know when to stop. Usually your heart will tell you when. IT WILL GET TIRED. Tho you will miss him on the next days, it's normal and just keep in your mind that YOU'RE JUST MISSING HIM and that YOU'VE DONE YOUR PART. It is HIS/HER LOSS not yours.

— Now, focus on SELF LOVE. Commit to NC (NO CONTACT). Keep in mind too that you're going to do this FOR YOUR HEALING AND MOVING ON.. NOT TO GET YOUR EX BACK. If he/she gets back, perfect! give your relationship another chance if you guys think it's the right thing to do. If not, ATLEAST YOU'RE HEALING AND LOVING YOURSELF even more. (**i know it is hard to keep the NC rule, easier said than done but do it for yourself not for anyone. think about yourself too. yourself needs love too. and you deserve to be happy**)

Good luck to us all! Take this new year 2021 as an opportunity for self care & self love. Your true love/soulmate will find its way to you. Never chase love because you deserve better dear, never settle for anything less! ❤️

The differences are that I couldn't do my best, I have regrets that I could've done more to save it..just all of it my heart can't heal properly because it hasn't given up on him yet...& oh yes is it exhausted. After all this time im still trying to adjust without proper closure to begin with, cuz what could I do really? I wasn't allowed to make contact days after & months after still so thats bs there, i had no choice in the matter & I don't know if I still do. All that time for space & i bet neither of us has the courage to do it first & probably immature to do a damn thing about it or wondering if we'd be at eachothers throats...just dont know how chill we still could be. Im not sure what I'd say at all but I go over it in my mind sometimes, knowing my luck id stumble on my words & it would go terribly.Or possibly we'd feel completely comfortable speaking & not much awkwardness. What if we're both kinda chicken & letting it go for a while pushing it off til we ready while we focus on ourselves..yea. What if im overthinking again 🤐 ill just be over here listening to my fav love songs while the world still rotates and we age with each passing day not knowing what direction I'm supposed to go later on. Im an emotional person, rn seems like im angry & theres still some resentment yet to get out. It still irks me, i should've had a say i feel so powerless...There were 2 halves to it, it was my relationship too I deserve to be heard & respected more than I was, it all happened so fast i regret not doing or saying more so time would have a better chance. I know our time meant something to him too 😔 I cannot do much of anything else or especially directly & im being good, so how much longer do I stay patient is all im sayin 😕 its his move 😔 nuff said. Im going to bed, keep me in dreamland as long as possible cuz Idk if I like the real world rn. Still adjusting, just keep swimming i guess 🙁 enough with the tantrum already bri lol