#i still have it stuck in the back of my mind that she's strongly connected with him

[dreadlord-mr-son]

It's funny to work through all the implications of us deciding Wynn's dad was Hohenheim's son from a fling Hohenheim had before he met Trisha.

Ed is freaking out about unknown branches on the family tree. Part of him thinks it's awesome but he has so much family-related trauma. Al, who took his trauma in a different direction, is latching onto new family like a bear trap. She cannot escape, she is his now.

[jxsterr]

IM HAVING MORE POST TOTK THOUGHTS YOUR HONOUR

one main thing i was thinking about was what if zelda still had some of her dragon instincts

- it’s ironic bc of their joint fear of falling but i could 100% imagine zelda getting REALLY into launching herself out of skyview towers just to glide through the air and freefall

- dragon to adrenaline junkie arc

- zelda’s the type to learn how to do tricks mid-air

- watch her do a spin n shit

- link catches wind (haha) of her new fascination with freefalling and takes her back to courage island

- glider set on. her first few attempts have awful times bc she’s too busy having the time of her life spinning around in the air

- she tries again and beats link’s time now that she’s actually trying. he’s stuck between offended and impressed

- link tries to beat her time and fails. she goes up and beats her record Again to rub it in his face

- the steward construct attempts to pat his back

- zelda loses her absolute MIND when link conjures up a stonewing and starts attaching fans and a steering stick to it

- ignoring game’s mechanics that it disappears after a while bc again LAZY idea

- zelda clinging to him from behind when they first take off (she waves the construct goodbye tho)

- once she’s gained confidence she dangles her legs over the ledge and takes in the views

- “these places feel familiar for some reason..” “really?”

- he’s flying her along her old path as a dragon

- zelda takes a thousand more photos of the views ofc. she had recently begged robbie to upgrade her storage for this exact reason

- she’s closing her eyes to focus on the feeling of the wind whipping past her and she feels nothing but Alive

- link definitely takes her flying whenever she’s burnt out from the school and in a bit of a funk to cheer her up. she always comes back with a grin on her face

- I STRONGLY BELIEVE IN THE WHOLE ZELDA FEELING A STRANGE WANT TO BE NEAR THE OTHER DRAGONS FROM HER TIME AS A DRAGON

- her path literally intermingles with all of the other dragons u can’t tell me they don’t all have some cool dragon connection to each other or something

- link flying alongside naydra but far enough that they don’t get frozen so zelda can be close

- naydra feels like an old friend.. why does she feel like an old friend??

- link shows her photos her took with her when she was a dragon and she almost cries again

- he was with her even when she couldn’t talk or even acknowledge he was there?? she’s a blubbering mess

- link’s panicking oh my god why is she crying no wait don’t cry oh god

- “how often did you visit me??” “daily.”

- she’s sobbing

- link decides to hold back on telling her about how he weaved silent princesses into her mane for the sake of both of them

- she finds the photo anyway and silently hugs him for like 10 minutes bc she can’t find it in her to pull away

- link takes her to north lomei labyrinth and they fall all the way from the sky to the depths

- zelda’s laughing wildly and yelling about how fun this is the whole time and link’s just happy to see her smiling

- you can’t tell me that these two wouldn’t become just a Little impulsive in their off time and do shit like this constantly

[tarothouselattier]

I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit Been saying «YES» instead of «NO» - - the 1 by Taylor Swift

What you need to say "YES" to,

instead of the usual "NO"

all the images are from pinterest

This reading turned out to be not what I was expecting, but I feel like this is even better. There are some heartfelt moving messages and also some harsh necessary truths that will ultimately benefit you. I just hope you enjoy this one, like I did!

PLS feel free to share your thoughts and impressions with me in my ask box or message me. There is nothing I value more in this blog than human connection!!

If you're not sure how to choose a pile, what I like to do is observe image, close my eyes and while taking a few deep breaths I repeat the question in my mind and ask spirit to guide me to my pile. After I open my eyes observe the piles again and one or more usually stands out to me. It just buzzes with energy. | just can't tear my gaze away.

No matter what, I come back to that pile.

If this is not your way of doing things, I asked my spirit guides to help me choose a photo that correlates specifically with you and your energy. Even the text "Pile" I chose for you based on your energy. So, feel free to just choose what you like.

PILE 1 🫸🫷

SAY “YES” to:

choosing yourself as you are rn and crowning yourself as a Queen

moving yourself and your world forward

taking the sword in your own hands

you are my lady in waiting. Which is weird because you’re actually the Queen of swords, all of the Queens in tarot are bad bitches and they’re the leaders of their own life, but it’s like you are waiting for someone to give you your sword. You need to realise that that sword is your life and all your life energy it comes from you not out. You just really remind me of the Timothée Chalamet quote “you need to realise that the life comes from you and not at/to you” yeah, something similar he said.

honestly pile 1 am flabbergasted with you. Can you imagine, IMAGINE the Queen of swords. LITERAL Queen of swords, like an actual real-life figure and she’s waiting for someone to give her a sword. Is she really THE Queen of swords if she’s waiting for someone to give her her own sword.

YOU NEED TO MOVE. It’s like if your leg was cranking up and making you uncomfortable you still wouldn’t move it. Nobody’s gonna do it for you.

You need to say YES to yourself, to your potential, to your actuality, to your abundance, to the money that you want and you know I don’t know why but like fame and recognition are coming through strongly. Create your own World. Collect all your Ls and be like okay, okay goodbye I’m taking this and I’m going away. And at least, AT LEAST .I’m moving .

Yeah, you may be down, really really down but you still got you you still can move, and that’s truly all you need to say yes to. MOVING. Because it’s like you you’re making it seem like you were stuck, I don’t even know, up with ivy and you’re just cornered into a wall and you were glued.

Obstacles and your past are not the things that are stopping you from your abundance and you living your best life and being the most incredible version of you. Yeah you may have made mistakes but your mistakes aren’t holding you back, you are holding onto your own mistakes. You are stuck in the labyrinth of your own mind. You need to move. forget about the past I just need to move. You thoughts don’t make your life. YOU make your life. It’s OK to grow and change. What is not OK is thinking you can’t!

Pile 2 ☀️ You are my sweetie honey-pumpkin pie. Here's a hug and a celebratory hurray for what's ahead of you!

you need to say YES to:

start getting dressed more fancy, the way you like.

say yes to your graceful elegant side.

Also you need to say yes to being more gentle with yourself. It’s okay to not rush with your feelings if you still feel hurt and shocked.

"Start looking forward and stop looking back" - What's the use of feeling Blue? Song from Steven Universe. My personal favourite quote for situations llike this. (You won't believe it but I once channeled it from Jinx oddly enough. She gave me great advice)

getting excited about your own life!

It’s like you feel that you missed your chance on something, or something in your life did not turn out the way it was supposed to it’s over and you just can’t accept that it’s over.

I can't make this shit up. The card that flew out next was the 2 of cups.

Did you go through a breakup recently?

If so, then I am with you. To be honest, I’ve noticed that people are literally collectively going through breakups right now. Doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship that lasted for years or several months. EVERYONE is breaking up right now. I swear to you. Me included. I’m with you, honey🥹❤️❤️

Okay, I fully understand now what I need to say to you.

I know how much it hurts. Trust me, I’ve gone through the same thing a week ago. It was a 4 year relationship. But it was dying. There is no saving the wilted flowers. They blessed your life with their beaty, served their time and left space for the next amazing thing to come in their place. Say yes to letting it go! Say "yes"! Understand, this was for the best! And you need to start thinking about yourself. What is over is already over and done with. You cannot get it back, you cannot change it. You need to understand, this break up, this thing, it happened. "There is happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you" I PROMISE YOU you need to get excited honestly say yes to getting excited. This is a new chapter in your life and let me tell you, I feel like you’re gonna be, man.. if I like you were in the dark, this whole whole freaking time and you’re kind of amazed how it’s over, but somehow there’s a glimmer of hope and you might actually feel better than you thought you would. And I keep hearing "bedazzled". You need to be out there at the frontlines of your life. You need to let your spark shine, don’t feel guilty. Feel sad, but also understand that the person may not have been your future but they did turn out to be your past instead. And they were there and it’s amazing, and now is the start of your next chapter and let me tell you, it’s gonna be exciting!! You need to like, you need to get excited about this, truly. Move don’t be pushed around by the paast that you own. Don’t stay stuck in the same place. Don’t let these thoughts and whatever there is overcome you. There is no need, you’re the Queen! The boss of your own life! Think about the fancy stuff that you want to buy for yourself, the concert tickets that you want.. I might be projecting, but truly this is a collective thing right now so I feel like I’m speaking to you as a friend, but also this is literally what the cards are saying. Your life will literally glimmer and shine as the Sun and the stars. Take control of your life. Be the leader of change. All of the things that you want to do. It’s time! it’s time to make plans and make them come to life because this is the going forward. It's the only thing that will make you feel better, not dwelling on the past. It’s over. It’s okay to relax into your bright future. HELL, into your bright present. Notice how you feel lighter. It's like you finally cleaned out your old closet. Like you felt heavy and stressed all this time without knowing why. And when you broke up you realised that the person that you so loved was the last thing holding you back. And you finally feel fresh. Finally feel like you have your whole life ahead of you. Breath and breathe out. The only one you need to love you is YOU!

But still, I love you! ❤️❤️☀️

Songs you might enjoy at this particular time(besides:

Bejeweled - Taylor Swift

Happiness- Taylor Swift

Midnight shy - Miley Cyrus

Truth hurts - Lizzo

Break free - Ariana Grande

Clean - Taylor Swift

Thank u, next - Ariana Grande

Honestly, the Renaissance album is the vibe rn, but skip the love songs, if you’re still uncomfy.

Additional picture-messages for you that I channeled

Pile 3 My dragons🐲

I strongly feel you were given a precious gift in this life, a divine gift, truly.

YOU MUST SAY YES TO THIS OR ELSE!!!:

YOUR WILDEST DREAMS AND PLANS

SEEING YOUR VISION THROUGH TILL THE END NO MATTER THE COST

MAKE YOUR PROJECT/DREAM/DESIRE A REALITY RN OR I'LL BITE YOUR EAR OFF(affectionate)

RAGE AND SEE YOUR OWN WORTH

“YOU'VE NEVER GIVEN UP ON ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE. SO DON'T YOU DARE START NOW”

When I was channeling your pile:

What I meant to say: “my caterpillars, turning into butterflies”.

What I actually said: “ah, my butterflies, turning into caterpillars”. 💀

Crying rn.

Believe in yourself, no matter your doubts. You’re actually turning into a butterfly. You not believing in yourself is the only thing stopping you from seeing it. Believe and speed up the transformation.

I then heard “my dragons” ssoooo.

It’s you. You are my dragons.

I feel so strongly for you pile 3!!!!!! DON'T YOU DARE be careless with your gift, whatever it may be. Weather it refers to your inner power, or maybe an idea that you want to bring to life. Don’t you dare miss this opportunity because of your fears or your disbelief in yourself. You are this powerful for a reason don’t you dare give it up!!!!!!!! Don’t you dare be careless.

This is as much of a warning as it is advice and I advise you, I demand of you strongly! Don’t you dare pass up this opportunitybecause you think you are incompetent or not good enough, any of that crap. You doubt yourself for literally no reason, don’t let it cloud your judgement or stop you from taking action. You might believe what you believe but still do it anyway. You have a brain, you have hands. You may not think the best of yourself rn, but at least rage and be like: "like hell I'm about to let it go with the wind!!! NEVER." Because I feel like you’re extremely gifted psychically, or you have something to offer that only you and no one else can. it’s like you have a spark in you, it’s amazing. YOU are the one who is meant to bring it to life. I am just, wow. This is so incredible that I am kind of speechless and all I can do is be like "don’t you dare be careless with that, don’t you dare be lazy, don’t you dare doubt yourself"

You need to be worried about giving up, so don’t you dare give up!!! See it through whatever idea that you have. I don’t care, no matter what, put your blood sweat and tears into it and all of your burning passion and desire and your life force and see it through. BRING THIS SHIT TO COMPLETION. You will receive something MAJOR. the divine is on your side. Don’t you dare lose this halfway. Don’t lose yourself. This is crucial right now.

I keep hearing this part of a song, and the words “like I believe in you” . I was thinking whether it’s like a Disney song but I believe this is a Steven universe song and I love my animation, It's an incredible song. the song is called "Who we are". it goes "and I believe in them, and I believe in yOuuuuu". The whole song is a bomb that you need rn. Listen to the song or catch these hands.

like oh my God say yes yes say yes all "t baby can you bring me all the way" from a Beyonce song on the Renaissance album. Now it is not time to give up. Now it’s not time to suddenly be like "oh well, guess I’m not good enough, guess it’s not bringing me anything" SAY NO TO BETRAYING YOUR VALUES. SAY NO TO BETRAYING YOUR OWN SELF". I know this reading is supposed to be about what you should say YES to, but in order to lit a fire under your ass I need to be counterproductive like you seem to be right now. Don’t give up cause you fucking doubt yourself, okay!? I’m mad right now because I believe in you so passionately and whloeheartedly. I would literally, I don’t know, fight you and shake you by the shoulders with how much I believe in you and how much I want to see you shine it’s crazy. I swear like DM me or put an ask in my ask box and tell me what it is that you want to do in this world because oh my God, oh my God, I’ll be your listener, your viewer...not your buyer at this moment because I don’t have money right now, but I will definitely be your supporter!!!! I want you to win, baby, so win!

The universe wants you to win, most of all you are the 1. You have to be the one who wants you to win the most!!! There’s nobody stronger than you. Forget even "higher power" Only pay attantion to yourself. You are the force!!!! so bring it on!!! Also, by the way, I’m a pile three girly as well, like strongly. You are my spirit friend, spiritual siblings, so I also have some dreams. So if you like, feel free to message me or put an ask in my box.

I love you and I am moved by your extremely powerful energy. I was like welling up with inspiration and drive. I feel like Nicki Minaj right now with this particular quote: “barbz, don’t you dare be lazy. Stay in school”

Additional picture-messages for you that I channeled

[yolowritter]

Anybody order an Evil Emilie Au?

Hello there everyone, and welcome! I'm back on my bullshit and 99% sure I talked about this before, but who cares? This, this wonderful thing is the Games of Innocence Au! Did you ever want a world where Emilie is a psychopath? Did you ever imagine her being as morally grey as they come yet still trying to be a mother to her son? What about if it was Gabriel who used the Peacock instead? What if she's replaced him as Hawkmoth? Empress actually, but still! And what somewhere down the line, she tries to manipulate Nathalie into helping her?

What if Emilie accidentally falls in love with her best friend? This absolute masterpiece is one of my favorite show re-write ideas of all time, and I've got some sweet 9.5k words for you guys to enjoy right here! Thing is, since I already have an Au that's over 300k words long, and rapidly approaching 400k...not to mention the next huge project on my list (a conservative estimate of 500k words)...I will not be writing the Evil Emilie Au in it's entirety. Most of it is a show rewrite anyway, and I simply don't have the time go through each individual episode and change it so that psycho!Emilie is there instead of mr Mothballs. I'm currently trying to write the finale, since it is the single best part and my personal favorite scene, hopefully to post it both here and on the Archive when I'm done.

However! I can and will rant about it until the end of time, assuming someone asks! And since the voices in my head did, here's an entire analysis about this version of Emilie! It's right below the cutoff, but I'd highly recommend to first read the fic! So here's the Ao3 link, hope you enjoy!

Alright then, welcome back! I hope it was a good read! Now as a disclaimer, I am not a mental health specialist, and might be confusing the terms "sociopath" and "psychopath" here, but I did read that sociopaths often struggle to control their emotions and act erratically (which Emilie doesn't, she has great self-control), where psychopaths have difficultly forming any emotional connections, so I feel like the latter term describes this Au's Emilie much better. Let's get right down to business, and explore (this) Emilie Agreste's mind, shall we! Obvious spoiler warning for the above fic.

Firstly, I'd like to make sure we're all on the same page with what kind of person Emilie is! Whenever I refer to her I'm obviously talking about this Emilie, so don't confuse it with canon. I have another upcoming post abt that. Her main attribute is that life as a concept is permeated by a general sense of boredom. Wake up, do tasks that only matter because she's told they do, sleep, repeat. Emilie was born into a rich family, which immediately means expectations. I'm assuming that she was kept pretty isolated aside from eventually starting school, so the only emotional connection Emilie formed in her early life was her sister, Amelie. She does genuinely care about her sister in a way that Emilie just can't bring herself to for her parents or staff, though she is nice to the latter and appreciates the work they do for her. Her parents are just stuck-up snobs but who cares? And so, Emilie shows this care the only way she knows how. Being perfect. Excelling at everything she does, getting the top grades in class, you all know the drill. The only thing she doesn't have is friends, and hangs out mostly with her sister. But even with Amelie, who she feels very strongly for...Emilie has a hard time expressing these feelings. For an example, see this flashback when they are sitting together in the garden:

“Sister…do you love me?” Amelie asks in a soft tone, her voice barely loud enough not to be carried away by the wind. Emilie recalls that she must have been... ten, maybe closer to eleven? And in all her admittedly few years, she never felt her heart stop beating as suddenly as when she registered Amelie’s words. “It’s- it’s just- …m’ sorry, Em. I… I don’t know, but whenever you smile at me...” the girl lets out a tiny sigh, nervously fidgeting with a stray strand of platinum-blonde hair. “It’s the same smile mum has when people are coming over…”

Emilie remembers it as clear as day—the way that the soft blades of gray grass between her fingers felt as if they’d been sharpened enough to draw out blood. Why…why would Am ever think she didn’t love her? Emile had done everything she was expected to do! She kept up her good grades like father wanted, always smiled and politely socialized with mum’s friends and family whenever they came over, and- …and she’d been nice to Amelie. Her twin sister, the constant presence in her life that truly felt like family…did not seem to think so. Or, maybe, Emilie had messed up somehow and given her the same bland niceness that the world would present her with day in and day out. But what else could she do? Wasn’t this what family meant? Just... be nice to one another and keep up with what was asked?

And over here, notice the way Emilie thinks of herself as a corpse, as not alive, even at such a young age:

“I- I’m sorry, Am,” she manages to whisper, even as confusion washes over Emilie’s mind. But…this is her sister. The one person who might understand how she feels about all of this, how the world itself registers only in dull shades of gray, how she can barely tell cold and hot apart, or how her heart sometimes feels like it’s stopped beating for hours at a time. “It’s hard for me to feel,” Emilie says, in the same reserved tone that’s always marked her sister’s voice.

And yes, obviously I know I'm the writer of the whole Au. I'm not patting myself on the back with these scenes, I'm just trying to get the point across. Emilie's life has always been that same dull grey, and the only people who can make it go away are Amelie, Adrien, Nathalie, and (to a lesser extent) Gabriel. She's been wearings masks her whole life, trying to be accepted by others but knowing that nobody would ever like who she truly is. And when she's alone...the thoughts come back, she can't tell if she is alive to begin with. Quote from the fic:

"Oftentimes, Emilie isn’t even able to feel her own heartbeat, never mind registering the expanding and collapsing of her lungs with every breath. When left alone and with nothing to catch her eye, Emilie could easily fool herself into thinking she’s some kind of undead or a ghost haunting the manor’s halls with twisted, quickly-fading memories."

Just to be clear here, Emilie suffers from deep depression. She feels isolated and alone, depending on the very few people who are perceptive enough to see even a tiny bit under her many masks, and she gets extremely attached very quickly. She isn't unable to love, since she (at the timeframe of the fic) has started to fall for Nathalie despite actively trying to manipulate her, but it's an extremely difficult mental situation to even begin dealing with. Emilie has hyperfocused on her family, and especially Adrien, her son. She isn't possessive and does genuinely love him, but there are obvious complications with their relationship. I'll get to that in a bit, but let's backtrack to her childhood one last time.

Emilie has absolutely no moral qualms with murder. Wow, that is a special combination of sentences right there! But in all seriousness, she thinks in a purely black-and-white kind of way. Emilie's #1 priority are her people, and for them she would burn the world to cinders. If anybody even looks at Amelie wrong, they will be wiped off the map for no reason other than the fact that this person was percieved as a danger. Emilie is that level of extreme in her protective streak. To give a few examples related to her sister, right after that flashback between the two of them, Emily recalls finding out that a slightly older girl was bullying her sister at school. And in a move that would make Ashley Graves proud, she straight up murders that child. No hesitation, no grievances, no regret. That girl was a threat to Amelie, and got swiftly eliminated. No questions asked, even at the grand-old age of 11.

Furthermore, Colt Fathom is straight-up dead in this Au. Emilie killed him when she came to visit her sister and nephew, staging a company emergency and sabotaging both his car engine and breaks, just to make sure. Can't take any chances with Colt of all people. Again, another threat to her sister eliminated, with Amelie's (implied) knowledge and support. The only reason she didn't kill him before the wedding is because Amelie personally convinced Emilie that she was willing to take on the burden for their family's sake. And also to use Colt's connections behind his back. Who doesn't love a good scheme?

Now...Gabriel and Nathalie never realized who exactly they were dealing with. It's worth mentioning here that Nathalie was actually Emilie's college roomate, and Gabriel was studying in the same university. Little detail, but I wanted to add it because Emilie canonically went to France to further her education. And Amelie got to work making friends in high places while Colt was busy in the 'murican bars downtown or something. Listen, all my homies hate Colt Fathom, and all you need to know is that the police didn't find enough of him to put in a casket. Anyway, Nathalie was studying business and finance, Emilie and Gabriel studied creative arts, and they met during their college years. The thing is, Emilie did love Gabriel. Only...not exactly the way he loved her. Quote again:

"Ever since she’d met him, Gabriel had been downright lovely. Polite, bookish, and a little nerdy, but with a creative spark powerful enough to bring forth an inferno of passion for his work. And he was also very loyal, most of all to the pretty popular girl who’d taken an interest in him and decided to befriend him in their first few days of college. Gabriel Agreste had turned out to be far more than just an interesting critter, and he was admittedly one of the extremely few people in this world Emilie had ever felt for, even if she was not fully able to reciprocate his feelings. Well…not in the way that Gabriel wanted, at least. Of course she loved him, hence why she obviously married him later on in life, but the man was…more of a cute, adorable puppy than a husband. If she were to put it crudely, Gabriel was far too easy when it came to matters of the heart."

Yeah...poor guy didn't notice the Yandere even after he married her. Also, another detail is that the reason why Emilie even took interest in Gabriel is because he saw through almost all her masks, believe it or not. Aside from the rampant psychopathy and slightly murderous tendencies, Emilie Graham De Vanily was an open book to him. Oh well, sometimes she ends up being crazy! What can you do? But anyway, worth mentioning that this Gabriel is far closer to his Reverse!Gabriel counterpart in terms of personality, and never acts in the callous, cold way we see in canon. Granted, we don't see what he was like before Emilie's canonical demise, but I don't like leaving room for implications on this matter. So you get your Good Parent Gabriel Agreste tag and you'll like it too!

As for Nathalie...there's an entire four and half posts' worth of ranting to do, so I'll just leave you with what the fic already has for now. Suffice it to say, she's very much into Emilie but knows she shouldn't be. I'm sure that with Empress trying to emotionally manipulate her into keeping the basement fridge life support pod thing a secret, that's going to go very well! Especially when the villainess herself is accidentally falling in love with Mayura! The Eminath is extremely strong with this one...

But anyway, about Adrien! Considering that even in canon, Emilie still wore his Amok-ring inside her sleeping pod, it's obvious that this Emilie will be wearing it too, right? Absolutely! And guess what? Thanks to a little help from an Akumatized Nathalie (prior to Origins in this Au), she magically enchanted the ring to make it literally impossible to unwillingly remove from her finger for as long as she's alive. Control issues, much? Seriously though, she does love Adrien very deeply, and does her best to be a mother. Emilie knows that he loves her back, and absorbs that love the same way a starved wolf devours fresh meat. She isn't oppressive and does her best to give him certain freedoms...but Adrien also never went to school in this Au. In her defense, she'd have little issue with it normally, but Emilie also wants to start her supervillainess career on the same year...and the thought of Adrien being caught in the crossfire genuinely terrifies her. Plus, in canon he does get involved in several Akuma attacks because of Gabriel, so... He still manages to get out of the house long enough to bump into Fu, hence Chat Noir, but doesn't ever meet Marinette and co. Not even for the Gum Incident.

In that case...hello Marichat! But again, that's for another Games of Innocence post. Today we focus on our resident Yandere! Believe me, it will become extremely evident why I call Emilie that once I post about her relationship with Nathalie/Mayura. Just trust me on this one. Back to Adrien, his dearly beloved mother is very much that. Beloved. But he is slowly starting to understand that something might be wrong with his home life, and tries to talk to Emilie about it.

This, I think, is an excellent time to talk about the color-coding in this Au. In a lot of my works I incorporate color theory and those meanings into stuff like aura colors, presences, Luka Vision™ (listen my hc is he has Synesthesia), etc. Obviously Adrien is supposed to be a vibrant green. Fresh start, new life, we've heard this all before. And Emilie...as Empress, she is a dark purple, because she's embracing her mystic side, and going absolutely wild with any and all magic shenanigans involving the Miraculous. But like I said above...in those moments where she's alone, not clinging to Adrien's side, or talking to Nathalie, or spending time with Nooroo...she's a dull, dead grey. The same tone that's haunted her since childhood. As a side note, Emilie doesn't abuse her Kwami. Nooroo actually thinks they could be good friends. You know, if she'd drop the quest for ultimate power and all.

Speaking of that, as far as Nathalie knows, this is all for the sake of bringing Gabriel back to life. Which...is true, yes. He's Adrien's father and Emilie did marry him, even if as "just a friend". She did actually have feelings for him by the way, just supressed them to avoid hurting herself when she realized he wasn't seeing her psycho side and then convinced herself that said emotions were better off locked up in the back of her mind. Never again...until Nathalie. But anyway! Emilie's main goal is Unlimited Power!!! Why? Shits and giggles, of course! She can do it, it's really fun to play this game with Ladybug and Chat Noir, and Akumatizing people just feels so intimate!

Do not get me wrong here! The reason why Emilie is obsessed with Akumatizations is because she loves going into people's heads and manipulating them! It's not weird, just the only coping mechanism she had in her entire childhood! Bless Amelie for giving her at least that... But yeah, Emilie basically treats the whole Akuma Shenanigans™ is her personal reality tv show, coupled with as much drama and action as anyone could ask for! And she gets to control the narrative! Plus, there's times where Emilie lets the Akuma do their thing just to see what might happen. Evillustrator is a prime example here, but that's part of the Marichat post so I won't get into it here.

Okay, okay. This rant is getting way too long. TL;DR: Emilie Agreste is kinda insane but still a better parent that canon Gabriel! I am currently working on the finale for this fic, because the ending is the best part and I want to share it with you all! In the meantime, feel free to send me as many asks abt this Au as you want! I'll be more than happy to have an excuse for more ranting! Anyway, I'll be seeing you all soon, but until then, Stay Miraculous everyone!

[eaeulfl]

Spoiler for those who haven’t finished season 4 part 3/the last two episodes

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I just finished the last episode and my mind is a hot mess.

I’m probably going to miss some things but here are some of the stuff I have an opinion about:

1. Regarding armin/erwin my thoughts remain unchanged. Despite feeling strongly about it, I gave the series the benefit of the doubt when erwin got killed. I wanted to see if I was wrong. I would’ve been happy about it. In the end armin turned out to be as effective of a commander as a ten year old. The fact of the matter is that he couldn’t do much in the end. He had a number of breakdowns, he wasn’t able to control or utilize the colossal titan as well as bertholdt could in the past, he slipped up that time he was doing a little pep talk with yelena in the background, his biggest plan all along was always to “talk it out first” but that failed too, etc. Eren still did what he wanted and people still died. Except for blowing up the dock and when he tried to sacrifice himself so that falco wouldn’t get eaten by Connie’s mom, I don’t recall any other accomplishments that were of substance in season 4. It’s also possible that I’m just forgetting things because my mind is still racing right now and I’m still going through it emotionally, but for now my thoughts are unchanged. Can you imagine what it would have been like had erwin lived instead?

2. Connecting from the thought above, we can’t change that erwin died, but after finishing the series I can finally conclude that jean should’ve been the next commander. At the very least, he should have been made a vice commander. First of all it’s not impossible that floch survived all of that, but it’s pretty convenient that he did so he could shoot at the fuel tank in order to create a situation where the rumbling would catch up to them. In this situation it was also pretty convenient that Levi had been injured so badly he couldn’t be the one to fight, so as the commander hange decided she had to go, which was apparently a suicide mission because of the temperature around the colossals. I’m going to keep it 100% real here and say the circumstances leading up to this point of armin getting handed the commander’s seat were pretty convenient. Levi whose instincts were so great he managed to remain more or less unscathed for most of the series including when he had to fight kenny, he really didn’t see zeke using the lightning spear coming? And even then he couldn’t dodge it? Despite years of remaining unscathed under different circumstances that were just as if not more horrible? Levi who, along with mikasa, was the first to notice and to react to the replica of the beast titan throwing its shots at them? I just found it a bit hard to believe. And Hange said in the end, “The position calls for a certain quality― a mindset of continuously pursuing understanding”, and I admit armin did have this, but are we really going to ignore what hange also said earlier in the series just so it fits the current narrative? In season 3 when they were arguing about who to give the injection to, hange held mikasa back saying armin was indeed exceptional, but that he lacked the leadership and experience that erwin had. At least from my pov, armin didn’t really change much from the second half of season 1 to season 4. Jean on the other hand, has proven himself numerous times in this regard. He’s a quick thinker, reliable, practical, and passionate - all the qualities of a good leader. No doubt jean isn’t perfect, but imo he’s definitely more suitable. Let’s also not forget jean too has his moments of “pursuing understanding”. There are probably more than I can think of at the moment, but the ones that come to mind immediately are that scene at the end of season 1 which has really stuck with me ever since, when he asked armin if abandoning your humanity was the only way to win, and if eren did become that monster would that really be a victory for humanity, and then that other time when they were in the cell and jean asked mikasa and armin if eren hurting them had some sort of meaning behind it. I wouldn’t say jean is the smartest or the wisest character in the series, but he’s not brainless. Far from it. For some reason, and I’m guessing maybe because he can be short tempered at times, more often than not people don’t really talk about his quick thinking or about the important questions that he’s asked.

3. This is totally unrelated to the series and it’s about naruto so if you’re not into that or if you haven’t seen naruto just skip this part because spoilers.

Before eren’s intentions were made clear I already kind of guessed how it would play out because it’s reminiscent of how itachi wanted sasuke to be the one to kill him so that sasuke would be a hero of the leaf despite being an uchiha. Eren saw the crew as the people most important to him, and for itachi sasuke was even more precious than konoha itself. Eren committed genocide, itachi massacred his entire clan and more. Eren hurt the crew and especially mikasa and armin on purpose, itachi hurt sasuke on purpose. There was of course a huge difference between their executions, and imo itachi played his part much much more skillfully than eren did and for far longer, but it’s an interesting parallel.

4. I found the ending a bit weird. I can kind of roll with it but compared to the majority of the series and how it built itself up up until that point, it honestly feels off. I understand why people thought it was a bad ending, but I also don’t think the author deserved hate for it. And I mean like, there are some really angry people. In most situations, and I’m generalizing here, it’s alright to have opinions and it’s alright to feel a certain way but to direct those feelings towards the author himself is taking it a bit far. It’s his freedom to write whatever. Let’s be happy we even got anything from him. Without the author there would’ve been nothing at all. I know from personal experience it can be overwhelming at times, but it’s going to be ok.

5. I don’t have a particular attachment towards zeke but I felt sorry seeing everything that he had gone through. I’m mentioning this only because I’ve never really talked about it I think. I’ve talked about some of the other characters but not so much about zeke’s past from what I can remember. Grisha and Dina were terrible parents, and him calling Tom ksaver “father” was really sad. I know he’s not the only one and I really don’t even like him all that much but he really had it rough.

6. I felt that the love interests weren’t written very well. I get mikasa cause she’s been obsessed with eren from the start, but we really only started to see eren’s supposed “interest” in her in season 4, and only in glimpses. There really isn’t a lot of material to fall back on. I always felt he saw her as more of a sister? Of course he’s shouted at her before that he wasn’t her little brother or something along that line, but I always felt he just saw her as family. The only thing I can think of from earlier seasons to support this pair is that time when eren first wrapped the scarf around her and he was blushing. I always saw that as more of like, he was kind of embarrassed to do something like that because for him the act was a bit intimate and they weren’t too familiar with each other, but I guess you could also see it as him blushing because he had a small crush on her. On top of this they lived together in the same house and grisha has referred to mikasa as his daughter, so I just found it a bit weird. Obviously they’re not actually siblings but they were kind of raised as brother and sister for some time, so. A bit weird from my perspective. What’s more is the dynamic itself doesn’t seem to be very healthy. But I’m not mad at people who ship them. That kind of romance is definitely possible, and they’re technically not related, so it’s whatever I guess. They were also very young still so in an ideal world I imagine their dynamic might’ve been able to change for the better as they matured. On the other hand armin and Annie I found even weirder. It just felt too sudden. I get that armin ate bertholdt so that could’ve contributed, and I get that Annie literally only had armin and hitch as company most of the time for literal years, but it’s still weird for me. Like good for them but I wish it could’ve been a bit more fleshed out.

7. I’ve said this before but I didn’t appreciate the parallels drawn between Erwin and Armin. They are entirely separate characters with entirely different motives. Connecting to what I said at point 1 armin was never able to “replace” erwin. Of course the same can be said for erwin, he was never going to be another armin. I feel the same way about the parallels drawn between Sasha and gabi. Again two entirely separate characters with entirely different motives. I can appreciate parallels but only if they’re written well. These just felt like forced propaganda.

There’s more but for now I’ll stop here cause this is getting a bit long and I’m really tired

[animebw]

Short Reflection: Kaguya-Sama: The First Kiss That Never Ends

I have never quite understood the hype behind Kaguya-sama.

Don't get me wrong, it's a great show. Actually, strike that; it's a fantastic show. It's one of the most consistently funny comedies of the past few years, and its clever character work and outrageous animation are more than deserving of their high praise. But whenever I hear people calling it the best rom com of all time, all I can think is, "Wow, y'all really are so young that you've never heard of Toradora, huh?" Never mind Kimi ni Todoke, Ore Monogatari, and countless other spectacular shoujo rom coms that people are all too quick to forget even exist. I love Kaguya-sama dearly, but I've never quite felt comfortable ranking it among the best of the best like so many others do.

At least, not until I watched this movie.

Now, though? I understand completely.

See, the reason I never rated this show as highly as other people is because to me, Kaguya and Shirogane's romance is the least interesting part of it all. Even after season 3 finally made me give a damn about them officially hooking up as a couple, Kaguya-sama is always at its most interesting to me when it's focused on anything other than its title character. Chika's insane wild card antics, Hayasaka's perfectly deadpan straight man routine, Ishigami's bizarrely endearing blend of misanthropy and sincerity... Kaguya's supporting cast has always been its biggest draw for me. Kaguya and Shirogane aren't bad by any means, and they've had plenty of great moments between them. But most of the time when Kaguya-sama is playing at being a straight romance, it just doesn't connect with me as strongly as it's trying to.

And that's why The First Kiss That Never Ends is so phenomenal. Because after four years of show, it finally, finally made me fall in love with the main romance of Kaguya-sama. After all this time, I get why these two crazy kids are so special to so many people. I get why countless adoring fans consider this their favorite rom com, even if it's still not my personal best. No longer am I standing on the sidelines in mild confusion; I am officially a full throated Kaguya-sama stan at last. And in accomplishing this feat, this movie finally helped me understand why these two weren't clicking for me before... and how I may not have been giving this show as much credit as it deserved.

You see, one of the central tropes in Kaguya-sama's romance is a trope that I have more bad experiences with than I can count: the Ice Queen. Kaguya is a frigid, closed-off girl who must learn to open her heart and be honest about her feelings over the course of the show. It's a character type I've seen a lot, and it's a character type that is dangerously easy to fuck up. Because if you don't treat this kind of story with care, it can very easily come off like the story sees her as a haughty bitch who needs to learn her place, stop being so stuck up, and let a man sweep her into his arms. And considering how many hang-ups a lot of male anime writers clearly have about writing female characters... yeah, let's just say I have enough nightmares of this trope being done wrong to last a lifetime.

And Kaguya's not even a bad example of the trope! She's always been a very well handled character, even as far back as season 1. But one always had this uncertainty in the back of my mind: how aware is this show of the gendered nature of the tropes it's playing with? There are countless times where either the narrator or the characters will make some sweeping statement about what girls are like, or what boys are like, or how relationships between men and women are "supposed" to work. And while they're always presented so absurdly that no rational person could take them seriously, it's never quite clear how unseriously we're supposed to take them. Cause, like... there's a lot of these moments for them to not be indicative of something.

So that's where I've been at with Kaguya the Ice Queen. A very loaded, very gendered trope in a series that has a very unclear stance of loaded, gendered tropes. Was it trying to say something? Did it have some grand thesis about the harmful nature of gendered expectations waiting in the wings? Or like so many anime before it, was it just uncritically parroting the same old tired expectations for good little boys and girls? Looking back, this was the sword of Damacles hanging over my head as I've watched and enjoyed Kaguya-sama, the uncertainty that kept me from opening my heart to it fully. Whether I could fully put it into words or not, I couldn't get past that question: is this show yet another victim of sexist stereotypes it doesn't fully understand?

Thank god, then, that The First Kiss Never Ends had finally proven the answer to be no.

Yes, if you thought the aftermath of Kaguya and Shirogane's first kiss was going to be smooth sailing for these two neurotic messes, you clearly don't know what show you're watching. They've taken the biggest step forward imaginable and brought their relationship right to the precipice of being official. Victory is so close they can taste it, but with that comes a terror the likes of which they've never felt before. Suddenly the reality of what their lives are about to become crashes up against their long standing hang-ups about love and self worth, and their mutual fear over thinking they aren't yet living up to the standard of what a Person In A Relationship is supposed to be leads to the biggest rift in their relationship yet. Neither understands what the other wants from them- hell, they don't even understand what they want from themselves. Which means after so many mental battles and false starts, it's time for Shirogane and Kaguya to rip off their masks and face each other's true selves once and for all, even if they can't bear the answers they think are waiting in the other's gaze.

And yes, in exposing themselves so completely, it makes clear just how inexorably their issues are bound up in gender. Kaguya's so obsessed with playing out the script of the submissive lady who lets the man make all the first moves that her spiraling self-loathing ends up hurting everyone who tries to get close to her. Miyuki's so wrapped up in the need to prove himself manly enough to be worthy of Kaguya that he loses the ability to connect with her on her own terms. And when these two deeply flawed approaches to romance collide with the heightened tension of two dumb kids desperate not to fuck everything up, they feed into each other in the worst way.

In other words, what this movie proves, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that Kaguya-sama fully understands the importance of leaving gender roles behind. The final boss of this show isn't just the inescapable fear of knowing and being known; it's also, explicitly, how that fear is made worse by gendered expectations that leave lost kids flailing in an attempt to live up to unhealthy notions of love and companionship. It's the kind of misunderstanding plot that actually makes sense and leaves you agonized because of how well it understands why their wires are getting crossed, as opposed to agonized because the writers are clearly dragging things out tortuously to avoid progressing the plot an inch further. For Kaguya and Shirogane to truly overcome their issues, they must leave behind their notions of who they're supposed to be, how they're supposed to act, and see each other as the people they are. Not a girl and guy following a pre-written script, but two complex human beings who make each other's lives that much brighter for being in them.

And in retrospect, that's always been what Kaguya-sama is about, hasn't it? All of this show's best non-comedic moments have been when it takes an ax to a restrictive gendered trope and lets the character behind it fly free. Miko's introductory arc was all about Shirogane realizing that this girl most people dismissed as a naggy bitch in need of an ego check was in fact one of the most passionate, dedicated people in the school, and doing his damndest to give her a chance to speak her truth. And hey, remember how Ishigami's rise from Reddit-pilled loner to someone who can embrace his place in the world without feeling like an incel involved him dressing in drag and feeling happy doing so? When you look back at the whole picture, Kaguya-sama has always been about breaking free of gendered expectations, in ways both big and small. And now that we've reached the climax of Kaguya and Shirogane's arc, it's finally time for them to break free just the same.

And my god, it is spectacular. It's an emotional payoff to years of slow-burn character work that makes look back and realize just how fucking good it’s been at laying the foundation for this moment. It bares Kaguya and Shirogane’s souls like never before, and it took me from being nominally interested in their antics to openly weeping over their attempts to understand each other. This isn't just a beautiful finale that washes away all my concerns, it's made me appreciate everything this show was doing so wonderfully before that I was too uncertain to pick up on. At last, I can see that Kaguya-sama is as incredible as everyone says. It is genuinely a masterpiece of rom com storytelling. It's an uproarious, beautiful tale about the importance of living true to yourself, even when you feel like yourself is something to run away from. And if this movie is the last part of the manga to be adapted, then it's as perfect a conclusion as I could hope for.

It's not a perfect movie overall, to be fair. It pretty much skips over an Ishigami/Miko subplot it starts building up, and there are points in the middle where the lighting is so dark it's almost impossible to see what's going on. Which is a weird misstep for a series that's always had such a strong visual identity. But as a climax to this war of hearts and minds that finally made me care about those hearts and minds, it's an unimpeachable triumph. The First Kiss That Never Ends made me believe the hype at last, and I can't wait to join the rest of the world in preaching the glories of the series it caps off so wonderfully. And I give it a score of:

9/10

Thank you all for reading. Here's holding out hope for season 4!

[liz-and-the-blue-bird]

Good evening to me

As is tradition for these long personal posts, I am currently moving. Look at my cleaned up desk set up:

Here's a song.

My job suddenly let me go a couple weeks ago. I'm not worried, but... well I'm starting to get worried. I was initially feeling ok, because I actually had an interview lined up for the week following, but that fell through too now so I'm just very nervous.

So I've been saddled with a lot of time to think now. And it's all been bad. I'm basically stuck again. I've moved back with my parents for the time being and it stinks. They haven't been berating me or anything (though I'm sure it will come soon enough), but I just feel so... trapped. I feel like I'm stuck in a time loop, cursed to never escape or... well, to be honest, develop a real relationship.

I'm strongly reminded of my time stuck at my parent's home immediately after I first graduated college. While I had been broken up with the ex for about two years or so by then, it still was grating on me subconsciously, I know because my default state is very extroverted and during maybe the 2-3 years after her, I was very soft spoken and introverted. I didn't reach out to people that much. It felt like I was trying to remember who I was for a little bit, after dedicating a little too much to someone else. Then I felt extra useless because I just couldn't get a job for the life of me, maybe for like 4 months if I remember correctly.

Those were really rough months, as I tried to find meaning in what I was doing.

Well, I feel like I'm in that spot again. Broke up with the same girl. Then sent to live with the parents in the same old room that is now accruing mess because I'm just not a very well kept guy.

I'm really scared right now.

And I've let my mind just wander back to the ex. The problem with this room is I have 2 strong memories of it: 1) being stuck here, not able to find a job and 2) watching the ex sleep in my bed, a little bit sick, waiting for her to wake up so that I can make us dinner. So I start wondering if should contact her, because I feel so much like I'm running out of time. I'm getting too old, or something.

I'm scared I'm gonna be alone forever, or, if I do fall in love again, fall in love in a way that I find disappointing or settle or whatever.

So I start wondering if I should contact her. It's not even just I want to talk to her again about stuff that only we could talk about (as I stated before, she occupied this specific intersection of people that I just don't have anywhere else), I actively just... want that type of relationship connection again.

Then my mind races through whether she would even want to date me again.

Then my mind races through the complexities of dating her again, what friends I'd need to inform, which friends I'd actively keep in the dark because they would reject her and fight me about it, probably for my own good tbh.

Then my mind races through the complexities of, well, dating someone who my brain can't even trust anymore.

My mom isn't helping. If you may remember, after the previous break up, she briefly mentioned "what if you do end up together." I thought that would be the end of it, but recently we were talking about the people in my ex's town having to forget about me for a second time. Then my mom said "hopefully for the last time, but ya know, your dad was saying- oop." and then she changed the topic.

I wonder if I still sound happy when talking about my ex. Because maybe my parents are still wondering if I'm going to forgive her and go back to her. It's been already 3 months after a 5 month long relationship and here I still am.

It's all a mess and then I realize that I really shouldn't contact her or try to even initiate this conversation because it wouldn't work out for one reason or another and then I get trapped in the feeling of being scared and alone forever again.

And I tried to cry today.

I tried. With tears and everything. It didn't really work. I can't really cry unless I'm with someone I'm very comfortable with after telling them what happened. So... The last time I cried with tears was January 28th, in my ex's arms. The first and last time I cried with her. And also the first time I cried with tears since... hm. There was a moment in 2018 where I really broke down and cried in my room. But.. yea. That's it.

See, the thing is, I know I will be ok alone. I know I'll find my own peace and my own happiness being alone. I watched my uncle do it before he passed away. I've watched family friends do it. Hell, I thought I was aromatic until I re-met the ex.

But that's the rub, isn't it? I thought I was aromatic.

After dating her again, I realize that I very very very very clearly am not.

There's a degree of personal happiness that I can't access alone. If my personal happiness goes from 1/10 (deciding if life is worth living) to 10/10 (on a date with a girl who I know likes me), then the degrees of happiness 9/10 and 10/10 are locked unless I'm with someone. I haven't felt 9/10 or 10/10 without dating someone. And I had forgotten this was all the case until I dated her again. When I was alone those 8 years, I thought my 8/10 happy moments was as good as it was gonna get.

It wasn't.

And now I'm scared I'll never be able to reach that degree of happiness again.

Because, you see, I've been looking around. I've been talking to people, trying to find someone new. I've hit some sparks, I can feel some girls liking me. But I don't think I like them the same way I liked the ex.

With the ex, I was ecstatic about her in every way. I wanted to talk about her to everyone I knew. She was 3 hours away, and that 3 hour drive to her house was the greatest amount of anticipation I ever felt. It was exhilarating. Every time.

I still remember the first time I saw her again, she just walked out the door, jumped, surprised because I spooked her from the corner, then she charged and hugged me. And I felt 10/10. I felt 11/10. It was one of the greatest moments of my life.

This isn't a hyperbole.

But I don't know if I'll reach this with someone else.

Maybe I just haven't found the one yet. But I'm scared I'll run out of time. There some part of me that just wants my future wife to be someone I've known for a very long time. I kinda don't want someone new, I want someone I'm familiar with. Someone nostalgic.

I think I'm just imposing what my ex and I had onto future girls, which is causing me to not accept different kinds of interactions with them. But I really don't know how else to describe it other than they don't make me as excited. I'm not getting that spark. I don't get it. I just.. don't understand. I guess I'm just not over her yet.

And then the final bit is that an old boss of mine contacted me. I think I might take his job, but it's taking a bit longer for it to materialize. However, this job is in small town, Louisiana. The same small town that killed my romanticism 5-ish years ago.

It's a really really good opportunity. It would literally triple-quadruple my previous wage, and, I was not being paid minimum wage or anything. And he says eventually I'd be transferred to New Orleans, so at least I know I wouldn't be trapped in small town, USA.

I'm just.. scared I'll be alone forever.

So I'm trying to decide if I should text her again.

And I really, really shouldn't.

But... maybe.

ah I don't know anymore

[awkwardgtace]

25, 26 and 32

writer ask game

25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?

Mikhail is awful at video games.

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

ok so I've thought about this for a while. It sort of happens naturally. I think about the setting and the scene I want to create. Then who I think will give the best view of that scene. Then I just kind of start writing it in my head.

So an example would be siren's song. I needed Melody to set it up with her past and what she knows so I started with her. How do I introduce her past? A bad dream. Show the relationships she currently has, what's strongest. Then I figured Kyrie would be better next. To show his intentions and what his thoughts are as Melody suffers.

In general I think I sort of just naturally fall into their minds. I don't think I've had a character I regret going into, maybe one that I knew meant I needed a break. I've found myself getting anxious/worked up as I write something (like the end of Delphia Rising) or swinging my head along when saying someone's sick/dizzy.

It probably helps that as a kid (and now) I had a habit of falling so into the characters of a book I'd stop reading and feel like I just woke up. I think answering this one took some time because I don't exactly have to. When I write if I see it and it feels wrong or unlike them I rework it to be more like the character I'm writing. Could also be easier cause I'm a dnd player, gamer, and game dev so I have a preset kind of need to jump in between characters and mindsets.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

So I think actually Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut has stuck with me. I read it back in I want to say like 2007 or 2008. It's not the exact line (I checked my copy), but I've always remembered 'It begins like this: Listen: Billy Pilgrim has come unstuck in time. It ends like this: Poo-tee-weet?'

I was given this book by my older sister who I have always looked up to a lot. This line was something so new and strange coming off of authors like Lemony Snicket, Ellen Hopkins, Gail Giles, and more young adult authors. It was my introduction to Vonnegut and one of the stories that I think shaped my interest.

When I read it I was very young to be reading it (somewhere from 10-12) and everyone warned me I might struggle to understand the concepts. Looking back I probably didn't take everything as strongly as I should have, but it never left my mind.

I guess it's a connection to my sister who gave me a book she liked, a connection we shared when we have always had extremely different lives. We're super close despite it all and it means a lot. Reading it and understanding what I did back then proved I wasn't how so many people expected, something I still have to show today so many years later. Then just the book itself telling me the opening and ending? It was such a foreign concept to me. I can still see young me reading that and immediately flipping to the back of the book and finding Poo-tee-weet? I realized that knowing the ending something I always found bad still left me curious because how does everything connect to that weird nonsense?

[cathygeha]

REVIEW

Shameless Game by Kelly Finley

Shameless Sport #1

Sensual, Sizzling, Seamless Story that hooked me and didn’t let me go ~ The prequel was just the tip of the iceberg and this book filled in all that was underneath providing a wonderful heartfelt HOT novel that is more than just a love story ~ Loved it!

What I liked:

* Blair Monroe: twin, indie author of alien-human spicy romances, works in an adult toy store, open minded, accepting, warm, caring, knows who and what she is and is unafraid to ask for what she wants, and…she wants Beau

* Beau Bronson: famous NFL quarterback, focused on his career, believes love will distract him, has been attracted strongly to two people but never able to openly love either one, reaches out to Blair for a favor and her agreement to help changes both of their lives

* Colton Hawke: famous NFL wide receiver, long-time friend of Beau’s, has a secret, is with Beau & Blair when things begin to change for Beau & Blair and as a result – things change for him, too

* Thinking about the pressure athletes and people in the public eye must have to deal with on more than one level of their lives

* Watching how the throuple becomes a loving warm and encompassing place filled with a safe place to land for three mature like-minded people that I can see happily living together forever

* The side story of the secret group and wondering if such a supportive group might exist, wishing it did, and also hoping that someday life will be easier for all people

* That this is a complex, loving, warm, caring romance that brings three wonderful supportive adults together to live their best lives and not just a vehicle for spicy open door adult activity of the steamiest kind

* The epilogue that allowed me to see how the three are doing in the future

* Noticing that there is potential for more books in the series starring other characters

* All of it except…

What I didn’t like:

* Who and what I was meant not to like

* Thinking about how tough it would have been to have walked in the shoes of “The Fourteen”

Did I like this book? Yes

Would I read more by this author? Definitely

Thank you to the author for the ARC – This is my honest review

5 Star

BLURB

I’m the number one pro quarterback in love with two people. Talk about a double team. One romance is my sexy, shameless frenemy from college, Blair Monroe, and the other is my hot, ink-covered teammate, Colton Hawke. And here’s the kicker—we’re stuck on a secluded island in Belize while Blair pretends to be my girlfriend, and Colton’s still pissed we lost the Super Bowl. How the hell did we get in this steamy, tempting mess? In high school, Colton was irrestible. On the field and in stolen moments, our connection was powerful. We still play the game. We’re still pros at hiding our intense match. In college, I fell in love with Blair, too. She hated football, and I loved that about her. That and our passion for fantasy books and hilarious pranks. But her roommate was my girlfriend, so Blair was off-limits… until this past Valentine’s night when we reunited in an adult store. We shared one bed and a shameless bet—who could out-tempt the other? Yeah, Blair’s a struggling romance author. She won the bet and my heart. Back then, I couldn’t have either one. But now, I want them both. The catch? Name an out pro football player. Tell me obsessed press and fans will love me, my team, and my throuple, too. That's what I thought. But this isn’t college. This is everything on the line because Colton loves me, too. And Blair is the one I’ve been searching for. We have ten days to get our pounding hearts, our tip-toeing secrets, our grumpy moods, our flirting bets, and our hot urges under control. Because I have a Super Bowl to win. The question is, can I score two hearts forever, too. ____________________ Pro Football Romance Why Choose Enemies-to-Lovers vibes Forced Proximity Spicy Bets Opposites Attract HEA worth fighting for ____________________ SHAMELESS GAME is a spicy ‘why choose’ football romance. For the best reader experience, start with the prequel novella, SHAMELESS PLAY. Both are part of the author’s interconnected spicy world where MCs share love and much more. For a full list of tropes and CWs, see the author’s website.

[bloatedandalone04]

Valentine - Part 2

Series Masterlist

PSA: strongly suggested to read the warnings before proceeding.

Part Two<3 | Previous Part

February 14th, 1985

Your boots crunched and flattened the snow that lined the sidewalk, your arm hooked with Beth’s, as you window shopped to pass time. Snowflakes fell on the both of you, getting stuck in your hair and dampening your coats. But, it only made you grin at the pretty weather, your cheeks red and breath visible as you breathed out. 

  There was around a month left of winter and you were probably the only person in all of Shadyside to be sad about it. Beth had been rambling on about a mutual friend of yours named John and how he keeps giving her mixed signals. You listened while admiring the beauty that came with painting a relatively dark town white and making it appear brighter than it actually was. 

  “I mean, he said he wanted to see me today but it’s nearly two in the afternoon and I haven’t heard from him all day,” she sighed and you looked over at her, finding her already looking at you. “Should I be worried?”

  John and Beth had been flirting with one another since the day they met. Neither of them could bury their pride and actually make it official with the other one. It was clear that they both really liked each other yet they chose to let it drag on instead of forming a steady relationship. 

  “About John?” You replied, your left brow raising as you asked the question. “No. That guy is totally into you. Everyone can see it.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right,”

  If the conversation was going to continue, it definitely wasn’t anymore after you reached the doorstep of your apartment complex. Leaning against the brick wall, covered in the black puffer jacket you loved, was Nick. He looked over when he heard footsteps, his breath visible once he opened his mouth to grin at you. Beth had stopped walking while you stepped forward and into Nick’s awaiting arms. You wrapped your arms around his neck while his wrapped around your waist. Standing on the tips of your toes, you lean up and press your lips to his. 

  It’s a quick kiss that still had Beth scoffing from behind you. “Gross,” she muttered. “I’m going inside.”

  You pull away but keep your face close to his. “How long have you been here?”

  Around forty five minutes. “Not long,” he says and takes one hand off your waist, bringing the single red rose up so you could see it. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

  You opened your mouth in surprise, taking the flower from him. “Thank you,” you say, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “I wish I knew you were coming today, I would’ve gotten you something.”

  Nick just smiles at you, returning his hand to your waist. “I don’t want anything,” he murmured against your lips. “Just you.”

  “Cheesy,” you mumble and allow him to connect your lips once more. His hands move to either side of your face, the heat of them warming your cold skin. “But, thank you. I love it.”

  I love you. Nick presses a kiss to your forehead and you melt into him. “You’re freezing,” he says quietly.

  “I don’t mind. I like the winter,” you say back, stepping away so you have a clear view of his face. “Spend the rest of the day with me? I can make you hot chocolate.”

  Nick grins. “How generous,”

  “It’s my specialty,” you press your nose against his and take his hand with the one that wasn’t holding the rose. “Plus, I feel cheap for not getting you anything.”

  Nick shakes his head as he lets you take him into the heated building and up to your apartment. “I told you,” he says as you unlock the door. “I don’t want anything.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” you mumbled and pushed open the beige door with the numbers 308 nailed into it. “I still feel cheap.”

  “You’re acting like a rose is a million dollars,” it was an exaggeration, but it still got the point across. 

  “It’s the thought that counts,” you say and place the rose on the counter. Nick comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist. 

  “I missed you,” he mumbled into your shoulder, his lips pressing a kiss to your coat.

  It had been about five days since you last saw him. Word of your relationship quickly got out and the residents of both Sunnyvale and Shadyside were not happy to hear about the blossoming romance forming between you two. You didn’t care for their disapproval but you also didn’t want to rub it in their faces. So, you and Nick kept your relationship semi private. 

  “I missed you, too,” you turn around and let him unzip your coat, sliding it off your shoulders until the sleeves gather around your wrists. You looked up at him, conflicted on whether or not to bring up something you’ve been wanting to talk about or wait for another day.

  “What’s on your mind?” He asks and you bite on your lower lip, a nervous habit you had yet to outgrow. You shrugged off your coat the whole way and tossed it onto the table next to you. 

  Your mind went to Beth and her distaste for your nearly month long relationship. She was your best friend and the fact that she had such a clear and deep hatred for the man you felt yourself falling for hurt. You wanted her to get to know him, get to know the guy you know. If she just gave him a chance, she’d realise how amazing he actually was and not one of the stuck up Sunnyvalers he was labeled as just because he lived in a different town.

  “I was just thinking…” You trailed off, not knowing how to explain your thoughts and wishes to him. He places his hands on your arm, comforting you more than you thought anyone could. “I want you to meet my friends. I mean really meet them. I know you’ve seen Beth once or twice since we got together, but she for some reason doesn’t want to get to know you.”

  Nick’s face showed very little expression and you really hoped that one day, preferably soon, that you’d be able to read him as easily as he seems to read you. 

  “It might seem stupid or too fast or something,” you were beginning to ramble now, the need to get all of your thoughts out in one go overpowering the rational side of your brain. “Beth is my best friend and I can deal with the whole town hating my relationship but I don’t think I can deal with her hating it. You mean a lot to me and I think that if she were to give you chance-”

  Nick cuts you off with a quick kiss, effectively shutting you up. He pulls away and rests his forehead against yours. “I’d love to meet your friends, officially,” he says and you let out a small sigh of relief. “I’ve also noticed that Beth doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me, but I know she means a lot to you. If you think this will help her understand us, then I want to do it.”

  “Really?” You ask, surprised at how much Nick understands you and how he further proves himself to you every time you see him. He nods and you wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him close. He was much taller than you, so you had to strain your body to be able to come even slightly close to his height. Really, you only reached his shoulders, but Nick just leaned down to hug you back, taking some of the pressure away. “Thank you.”

  He kissed the side of your head as you pulled away. “You mean a lot to me, too, by the way,” he places his hands on your waist, standing back up to his full height. You keep your hands pressed against his shoulders, gaze staying on him as a smile forms on your lips. “I want your friends to like me.”

  “Trust me,” you slide your hands up until they’re resting on either side of his face. “Once they get to know you, the real you, they’ll love you. I know it.”

  How could they not? Nick had been nothing but the perfect gentleman to you. 

  “Tomorrow,” he said, setting the date for a much needed friend gathering. “Tonight, you’re mine.”

-

February 15th, 1885

12:30PM

Okay, so maybe getting Beth to like Nick was going to be harder than you thought. Her hatred for Sunnyvalers ran deep and undisturbed for many years now. 

  She was annoyed to no end when you invited her and John out to dinner with you and Nick. “I seriously can’t believe you want me to go out in public with him,”

  You rolled your eyes as you searched for a decent dress. “It’ll be fun. Oh, and tell John to invite Emma,”

  Emma was John’s sister, another close friend of yours. She wasn’t as close of a friend as Beth, but she was definitely up there. You wanted Beth to feel as comfortable as possible, even if her irrational distaste for Nick was starting to get on your nerves, and you felt as though if she was surrounded by familiar people, she might feel better about everything. 

  “I really don’t like you right now,” she muttered and you felt your heart fall as well as your frustration rise. 

  “Beth, come on. You haven’t even tried to give him a chance. He’s trying because he cares about me and wants my best friend to like him,” you say, your patience running thin. “It would be nice if you could at least try and get to know him. He’s a good guy, and he means so much to me. It really hurts to know that you can’t stand my boyfriend without even giving him a chance.”

  Beth stood there, shocked at your words and you watched as her face went from annoyed, to guilty, to frustrated. “Fine,” she says quietly. “I’ll give him a chance. I’m sorry I’ve been selfish these last few days. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”

  Your face breaks out onto a smile and you drop the dress you were holding onto your bed, walking over to her and giving her a hug. “Thank you,” your voice was muffled due to your mouth being buried in her hair. “This means a lot.”

  “I’d do anything for you,” she mumbled. “You know that, right?”

  “I do,”

  Beth may have a deep hatred for Sunnyvalers, and especially for your boyfriend, but you couldn’t stop the grin that formed on your lips when she pulled away and gave you a tight-lipped smile. She was trying. And that was all you could ask for. 

  You felt one hundred percent happy for the first time since the day you met Nick, and grateful that Beth was going to at least put in an effort. 

-

5:08PM

“I look ridiculous,” Nick mutters as he fixes the collar of his white button up. 

   “No you don’t,” you say from your place in front of the mirror. You fiddled around with your earrings, the part where you had to connect the pieces behind your ear proving to be quite difficult. “You look hot.”

  Nick shakes his head at your compliment and walks over to you, gently pushing your hands away to clasp your earring on for you. “That’s easy for you to say,” he moved onto your other ear, clasping that one into place as well. “You could leave the house in a paper bag and you’d still be the prettiest girl anyone has ever seen.”

  You scoffed but felt your face heat up nonetheless. Nick reached around you and grabbed your necklace. You pulled your hair to the side, letting him slip the chain around your neck. It was your favorite necklace, a silver chain with a single letter on it, the first letter of your name. Tommy gave it to you for your thirteenth birthday, and the fact that it was the last gift he ever gave you made it that much more special. 

  Once it was on, you turned around to face Nick. “Please,” you say. “You’re the best looking guy I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen my fair share of guys.”

  It was kind of true. You had met a lot of guys, mainly ones that came up to you to either give you pity about your brother or to try and get some insight on him. In reality, you had only been in two relationships before you met Nick. Both of them were in high school and both of them ended terribly. 

  One made you feel so insecure all the time while the other admitted to cheating on you with three other girls then blamed you for not putting out.  Luckily, neither shattered your heart too much and you were able to move on with very little tears shed.

  Then there’s Nick. He made you feel so comfortable and content all the time. It was no wonder you were falling for him so fast.

  He was kind, loyal and thoughtful and you hoped that Beth would see that in him when she gets to know him tonight. 

  “You have, have you?” He asked, resting his hands on your hips. “I didn’t realise I had to compete for your attention.”

  You rolled your eyes, fixing the collar of his shirt once again. “Trust me,” you say, reaching over to grab the black jean jacket that he threw on your bed earlier today. It wasn’t too dressy and it wasn’t too casual, something you know Beth would appreciate as you knew for a fact that she wasn’t going to full on glam herself up for an evening with your boyfriend. “You’re the only guy I have my eye on. You have been since the first time I saw you.”

  “Good,” Nick says and puts the jacket on. 

  You throw on a long, gray cardigan over your black, mid-thigh length dress, and sit down on your bed, zipping up your ankle boots. You realise that you may come to regret not bringing a proper coat, but also didn’t want to risk ruining your somewhat nice outfit with your old, holey jacket. 

  “You’re the only girl I’ve had my eye on, too,” he said. “You have been for a while.”

Seven years, give or take.

  “Lucky me,” you hum, standing up and walking back over to him. You were still shorter than him, but wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips anyway. “Thank you for being so understanding with Beth and everything. It means a lot that you’re giving her a chance, despite her being an ass to you since we got together.”

  Nick’s hands rested on your waist, leaning down a bit so you weren’t craning your neck to look up at him. “Of course,” he replied, bringing one of his hands up to tuck a few stray strands of hair behind your ear. “It’ll be fun.”

  You smile up at him, standing on your toes to quickly kiss him. It didn’t last nearly as long as Nick wanted it to and he frowns when you pull away all too soon. “I’m so happy to hear you say that,” you murmur. “You make me so happy.”

  Nick grins down at you, kissing you again, his other hand sliding up your body to grip the side of your face. Unlike the last one, this kiss became heated quickly and Nick pressed his body into yours while your hands gripped his torso. He pulled away, his forehead pressed to yours and his thumb stroking your cheekbone. “I know how important tonight is for you,” he says. “But would it be so bad to just skip dinner and spend the night here, instead?”

  You rolled your eyes, kissing his cheek before pushing him away from you. “In a few hours,” you say. “I’m all yours.”

  “You’re already all mine,” Nick points out as you walk towards your front door.

  “True,” you grab your keys and purse, opening the worn out door. It was once completely colored beige, but with time the paint slowly started to crack and peel off, revealing the dark green it was before. It was embarrassing, your living situation, but it was all you could afford at eighteen. You were humiliated when you showed it to Nick for the first time, but he didn’t seem to mind the ugly door or small apartment, and that in itself had your adoration for the man growing. “But you can’t risk your reputation by being inappropriate with your girlfriend in public.”

  “Fuck my reputation,” Nick mumbled, closing the door behind him. “I didn’t ask for it.”

  “But you earned it,” you say, passing by Beth’s door. She had told you that she was getting ready at John’s house as it was closer to the restaurant you were going to. “And you deserve it.”

   “It’s nothing if I can’t even hold your hand in public without being judged for it,” he muttered, placing his hand on your lower back as you walked down the stairs. “Seriously, the people here need to mind their own business.”

  “Welcome to Shadyside,” 

  Nick led you over to his car, the exterior of it showing just how much he didn’t deserve to be in such a gloomy town. It was shiny, clean, and so much different when compared to the old, beaten up ones that filled the parking lot. 

  You sat in the passenger seat, watching with a nervous smile as Nick started the car. He looked over at you, draping his left hand over the steering wheel while his other gave your thigh a reassuring squeeze. “Are you ready?”

  You nodded, smiling at him as your hand rested on top of his. “Yes,”

[nightingaelic]

Not a good idea, maybe, but still... NV Followers' reaction to how the Courier tells the follower that sometimes all their adventures seem like a kind of deathbed dream to them (a bullet in the head after all...)

Just know, anon, that I am strongly resisting the urge to go full Shane Madej and Ryan Bergara with every single one of these reactions.

"Maybe this is all just... me." The courier waved their hand through the scorching air, tracing the shimmering line of the horizon that sang false promises of water. "A mirage. An oasis in the desert that I can't quite reach, but my eyes keep telling me is there if I just walk far enough."

Their hand went to the scar on their forehead. "I don't know. The things I've seen, since Goodsprings... if I told them to half the people in the Mojave, they'd toss me in the same shack as No-bark. HELIOS One? The Burned Man, in the crispy flesh? Jason Bright and his followers? Hell, the Sierra Madre? How do I know I didn't actually bite the dust in that graveyard, and all of this is the work of the bullet Benny put in my noggin?"

Arcade Gannon: "I guess there isn't a very convincing way I can answer that question," Arcade admitted. "But the fact that I know exactly how close you came to dying could be some evidence to the contrary. I doubt you were walking around with much medical knowledge about cranial vulnus sclopetarium prior to encountering it firsthand."

The courier looked somewhat interested, so the researcher continued hesitantly. "Did that doctor who checked you out not explain what happened to your brain? It's honestly a miracle that you're still walking around."

"I might've been a little preoccupied with the shock of being awake," the courier admitted. "Here, show me."

They guided Arcade's hand to the wound site, which he felt gingerly, trying not to awaken any pain. "Okay, close, very close range, left side... trajectory was too high, so it missed the speech center... probably sustained the most damage in the frontal and parietal lobes... well that tracks, that would affect problem-solving skills and spatial relationships..."

"Arcade?"

"Mm-hm?"

The courier grinned. "Just keep talking to me in Latin and I'll stop caring whether I'm dead or not. It sounds nice."

Arcade blushed.

Craig Boone: "Mmm." Boone pondered the thought, but immediately felt the shadow of guilt fall over his shoulders. Had any of his targets felt that way as they lay dying? Had Carla? He tried to shake the feeling off before it reached his face.

The courier, for their part, didn't notice, or at least knew enough to pretend not to notice. "That snake Benny was using a handgun, too, and who knows what caliber," they said, looking off into the distance.

"Low," Boone offered.

"Come again?"

"The bullet," Boone clarified. "It's still in your head. Slow and small caliber, if you're not already dead from it."

"But I could already be dead from it."

"Nah."

The courier looked as though they wanted to probe further, but Boone straightened his sunglasses and walked past them, signaling that the conversation was over. Headshot wounds, hypotheticals, they weren't his strong suit, but he did know one thing: The orders he had followed and the lives he had ended were far too real to be the figment of some Mojave wastelander's imagination.

Lily Bowen: "Come now, dearie, you're giving your imagination too much credit." Lily patted the courier lightly on the shoulder. Well, as lightly as a nightkin could. "Grandma's seen many strange things too, ever since she left the vault behind."

The courier smiled. "Stranger than the ones I've seen? Like what?"

Lily made an ugly face. "I saw many things when working for the Master. Golden geckos in Klamath. Ghosts in Baja. The Master himself, with his brain in the computers and the computers in his brain."

"Eugh." The courier mimicked the face Lily was making. "One of those, huh? Always seemed unsanitary to me."

"Good things too," Lily went on wistfully. "I saw Marcus' first city, when it was big and full of people. Humans, but also super mutants, ghouls. How I would have liked to take Becky and Jimmy there."

Her voice faltered a little, remembering the grandchildren that had been lost, left behind long ago. The courier reached out and took her hand. "I'm here, Lily."

After the memory passed, Lily returned to her smiling self. "You are, pumpkin. We're here together."

Raul Alfonso Tejada: "I know how you feel, boss." Raul sighed. "There are plenty of things in my past that I can't help but question the authenticity of. All I can say is that after a while, you stop asking and just go along for the ride."

"Right." The courier crossed their arms. "I suppose it's not that different a mindset from becoming a ghoul. Time stretching on in front of you, no clear end in sight, no expectation there will ever be one."

"Eh." Raul shrugged. "That might just be a mindset of mine. I stopped worrying about dying a long time ago. Or maybe I was looking for it, but never managed to find it. Either way, time doesn't bother me the way it used to."

"But it still does?"

"Sí. Now I worry more that I'll forget the crazy things I've seen altogether, or that they don't mean anything."

The young courier looked like they weren't quite ready to ponder that possibility. They stood together in silence for a while, watching the horizon's haze.

"Should we keep going?" the courier finally asked, shouldering their pack.

"Desde luego."

Rose of Sharon Cassidy: "Sometimes I wonder the same thing," Cass replied with a nod. "Well, not the exact same thing, but somethin' similar. Plenty of times in my life, I've woken up in someone else's bed or on the floor of a bar and wondered if I actually survived the fight I was in the night before, or if I finally drank enough to make my heart stop. It's a strange feeling, but then someone douses me in water or slaps me too hard on the ass and the pain of the wakin' world creeps back in, little by little."

"Do you slap them back?" the courier joked, chuckling.

"Them and the world," Cass confirmed. "I always figured if I'd actually died in my sleep, why bother makin' up some desert full of sadness and sunburns to fill my time? Had enough of that in life, so I can't see my mind keepin' it around. Much rather conjure up a house by the beach somewhere, with a basement full of caps and enough booze to last me 'til the bombs fall again."

The courier eyed her mischievously. "Maybe you're in hell."

Cass held her canteen up. "Well then. To bein' stuck in hell with a true friend."

She drank, long and deep, and the courier retrieved their canteen to do the same.

Veronica Santangelo: "Oh, Six." Veronica's face filled with sympathy. "Is that really what you think about, when you're trying to sleep at night in the casino and Cass is snoring in the bed next to you?"

The courier blinked. "Cass snores?"

"How have you not noticed?" Veronica pulled her power fist off and flexed her fingers, re-stimulating her circulation as best she could. "Arcade said he wanted to trade with me, after Boone had his second night terror incident, but he changed his mind again after one night of her racket. At this point, I'm used to it. When she's not around, I have trouble sleeping, can you believe that? Brotherhood bunks really prepared me for the Lucky 38."

"No, I hadn't noticed." The courier sat down on a nearby rock and stretched their legs out. "I guess I haven't been there much, lately."

Veronica sat down next to them. "You know, the more often you're gone having adventures around the desert, the more crazy things you're going to see. People who rest on their laurels and stick to the Strip don't lie awake wondering if they actually died back when they choked on those buffalo gourd seeds at The Gourmand."

"Touché."

ED-E: The eyebot let out a few beeps of disagreement and rolled from side to side in mid-air, indicating as best it could that in its experience, being shot in the dome was a good method for scrambling circuitry but was actually terrible for fusing new connections. The courier laughed and reached out to rub the robot's side. "Thanks, buddy. Maybe I'm right, or maybe reality is just a weird place."

ED-E beeped its satisfaction and bounced forward as if chasing the mirage. The courier trailed after the eyebot, their giggles blowing out with the wind into the desert for all to hear.

Rex: The old cyberdog whined and licked its companion's hand, uncertain what they were asking. Any dreams the canine had were good ones, long runs over grassy plains and prey that was always a hair too slow. Life with the courier was good too, but full of many more dangers than a savannah dotted with rabbits and deer. The courier scratched the dog on his ruff affectionately, before continuing over the hot sand toward their destination. Rex followed behind, happy and panting.

[zuko-always-lies]

The Zuko-Ty Lee Relationship

I’ve commented more briefly on this before, but I wanted to elaborate on this: I think almost everyone writes the Zuko-Ty Lee relationship wrong. There are only about three scenes which we can learn anything about this relationship, but they all heavily suggest that Ty Lee cares a lot about Zuko and considers him a close friend, while Zuko, at least on a surface level, doesn’t care at all about Ty Lee. Much more under the cut.

The first thing we know about Zuko and Ty Lee is that they grew up together, and Zuko never seems to have had any friends of his own, so Azula, Ty Lee, and Mai were his only possible playmates in his youth. With that in mind, we turn to “The Beach”:

Mai: Hey... (Interrupted) Zuko: (close shot of Zuko) Where's your new boyfriend? (Mai turns away angrily. Zuko comes and sits next to her) Are you cold? (he puts his arm around her, but she slaps it away) Ty Lee: I'm freezing. Zuko: (close shot of Zuko smiling) I'll make a fire. (The camera pans upward toward the cliffside and then the mansion) There's plenty of stuff to burn in there.

This is the only sign in all of ATLA that Zuko cares at all about Ty Lee. I think it’s likely that Zuko mostly wanted an excuse to burn away happy memories that are now painful, but still it suggests that he feels submerged affection for her at some level. However, then we get this:

Ty Lee: What are you doing? Zuko: What does it look like I'm doing? (Cut to above shot of Zuko's legs next to the fire and the burning family portrait. The camera pans upward.) Ty Lee: But it's a painting of your family. Zuko: You think I care? Ty Lee: (voice over) I think you do. Zuko: You don't know me, so why don't you just mind your own business! (He turns away from her) Ty Lee: (Close shot of Ty Lee, who looks down and speaks softly) I know you. (Cut back to shot of Zuko and Ty Lee by the fire) Zuko: No, you don't. (he waves his arm angrily) You're stuck in your little Ty Lee world, where everything's great all the time. (Cut to shot of Mai sitting on a rock near the fire. Zuko looks toward her) Mai: Zuko, leave her alone. Zuko: (mocking) 'I'm so pretty, look at me. I can walk on my hands, whoo!' (Zuko does a hand stand. Cut to shot of Ty Lee looking sad. Cut back to Zuko who is upside down. He lets himself fall to the sand) Circus freak! (Cut to shot of Ty Lee beginning to cry and Azula sits in the background)

Ty Lee very strongly indicates that she deeply cares about Zuko and asserts her connection to him. Zuko responds by viciously mocking her and indicating that he think’s she’s shallow and stupid(which couldn’t be further than the truth).  The Fire teens say a lot of mean things in this scene to each other, because they’ve all been repressing a lot of resentment, but this is honestly the meanest thing that any of them say. Later:

Ty Lee: Calm down, you guys. (cut to Ty Lee and Azula sitting behind her) This much negative energy is bad for your skin. You'll totally break out. Zuko: (angrily) Bad skin? (Ty Lee cringes. Cut to shot of Zuko looking toward her) Normal teenagers worry about bad skin. I don't have that luxury. My father decided to teach me a permanent lesson on my face. (Zuko points toward his scar) (Cut to shot of Azula, Zuko and Ty Lee) Ty Lee: Sorry, Zuko, I...

Ty Lee again indicates that she cares about Zuko and apologizes for being insensitive, while Zuko jumps down her throat anger, although it’s more reasonable this time. Later:

Zuko: For so long, I thought that if my dad accepted me, I'd be happy. I'm back home, now my dad talks to me. Huh, he even thinks I'm a hero. (cut to Azula, who smiles at these words) Everything should be perfect, right (cut to over-head wide shot of the four teens sitting around the fire) I should be happy now, but I'm not. I'm angrier than ever and I don't know why. Azula: There's a simple question you need to answer then. (she leans forward) Who are you angry at? Zuko: No one, (he looks down) I'm just angry. Mai: Yeah, who are you angry at, Zuko? Zuko: Everyone... (he covers his ears in frustration) I don't know. Azula: Is it Dad? Zuko: No, no! Ty Lee: Your uncle? Azula: Me? (Cut back to shot of Zuko who shakes his head in frustration) Zuko: No, no... No, no. Mai: Then who? Who are you angry at? (The camera quickly pans right, stopping on Azula) Azula: (sternly) Answer the question, Zuko. Ty lee: (pleading) Talk to us. (Cut to shot of Zuko looking confused and frightened) Mai: Come on, answer the question. Azula: Come on, answer it. (Cut to wide shot of group. For a moment there is silence) Zuko: (yells suddenly) I'm angry at myself!

Ty Lee again indicates how much she cares about Zuko.

Now we turn to “Boiling Rock, Part I”:

Sokka: I know, I know, you've changed. Zuko: I meant my Uncle. He was more of a Father (Cut to Zuko who looks saddened) to me. And I really let him down. Sokka: (emphatically) I think your Uncle would be proud of you. Leaving your home to come help us, that's hard. Zuko: It wasn't that hard. Sokka: (Cut to a side view of the basket) Really? You didn't leave behind anyone you cared about? Zuko: Well I did have a girlfriend. Mai. Sokka: (He goes closer to Zuko with a surprised look on his face) That gloomy girl who sighs a lot? Zuko: (Cut back to show Zuko grinning goofily) Yeah. (his face turns serious) Everyone in the Fire Nation thinks I'm a traitor. I couldn't drag her into it. Sokka: (Cut back to Sokka who leans back on the basket) My first girlfriend turned into the Moon. Zuko: (looks up) That's rough buddy.

Ty Lee is not someone Zuko cared about.  Leaving Caldera behind was easy for him, because the only person he gave a fuck about there was Mai.

And now we turn to “Boiling Rock, Part II”:

(Sokka and Zuko turn their heads. Cut to Azula, Ty Lee and some guards back at the gondola tower as they look at the fleeing gondola.) Zuko: (off screen) That's a problem. (the guards proceed to bow in respect) It's my sister and her friend.

All Ty Lee, who he’s known probably known since he was at least 7, is to Zuko is “Azula’s friend.”

However:

When Ty Lee thinks that Zuko is about to take a bath in the Boiling Lake, she looks clearly sad and concerned(and note, this is before Mai committed treason; this is not about Mai).

All in all, ATLA repeatedly suggests that Ty Lee cares a lot more about Zuko than vice versa, at least on a surface level(i.e. the level of behavior). Is this something I blame Zuko for? No, it’s natural for a 16 year old boy to be uncertain about the attitude he should take toward his sister’s best friends, even if he’s known them his entire life, and the contentious nature of the Zuko-Azula relationship only contributes to that.

Does this mean that Zuko and Ty Lee can’t post-canon build a strong friendship? No, they absolutely can. And in fact there’s interesting stories to be had about them doing precisely that, and about Zuko completely changing his perspective on Ty Lee, especially if Azula and Ty Lee are in the contentious process of rebuilding their own relationship at the same time. And, of course, Mai is caught in the middle of all of this.

[crowfootwrites]

Los Guardianes | Part II [Nestor Oceteva x Fem!Reader]

In which Nestor needs a bandaid and we learn more about you.

Also, my apologies for any mistakes/errors. I was trying to edit this while surrounded by other people, so...

Warnings: mentions of blood, violence, and injury; language; mentions of alcohol | Words: 1,600+

Taglist: @chibsytelford @megapeacelovemusic-blog @broiderie

Part I of Los Guardianes

You had assumed, in your little flirtation with Nestor, that he was joking about coming around injured. So, when he showed up two days later, a little late for afternoon pickup, with a large piece of bloodstained gauze taped to one side of his face, you were shocked.

Your classroom was empty, and your aide had left for the day, leaving you to hang out with Cristóbal while you waited for Nestor to arrive. You were sitting at your desk with Cristóbal beside you, each of you scribbling away with crayons on coloring pages. Movement registered in the corner of your vision and you glanced up to see Nestor standing in the doorway, his face bandaged and the arm of his dress shirt covered in dried blood. His normally immaculate dress pants and shirt were covered in a layer of silt. You inhaled sharply as you rose from your seat, your feet carrying you quickly to stand in front of him. Cristóbal went to Nestor immediately, wrapping himself around Nestor’s leg in a fierce hug. Nestor sagged against the door frame with a grimace and your fingers reached for him instinctively, pausing when he met your gaze. But there was something encouraging in his glance, so you placed your cool hand softly against the feverish skin around the gauze. His eyes closed for just a moment, leaning into your touch, before you spoke.

“You know, I didn’t think you were actually going to take me up on my offer… I’m not sure I have any robot bandaids big enough for all this,” you teased quietly, tracing the bloodstained dressing. Nestor’s eyes opened and he smirked. You pulled your hand away, exceedingly aware of your rapidly increasing heart rate.

“Are you ok?”

His nod was slight, but it made you feel a little better. “I’m sorry I was late,” he mumbled, wincing as he took a breath. “I hate that you had to stay on my account.” He tapped Cristóbal and motioned for him to collect his backpack out of his cubby. Cristóbal did as he was asked, leaving you standing there alone with Nestor.

“Nestor, it’s really fine. Besides, if someone else had come to pick him up, I probably would have assumed you were dead, and that would have been worse.”

He studied you seriously for a few seconds, his expression giving nothing away. You tucked your arms behind your back nervously, rocking back onto your heels, but you managed to keep your eyes locked on his.

“Still,” he said finally. “I’d like to make it up to you. Can I take you out for a drink?” Cristóbal lumbered over, his backpack comically large on his small frame.

You smiled softly, trying not to appear as flustered as you felt on the inside. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

Nestor grinned, and underneath the blood and filth, his face lit up. “I’ll text you,” he said with a quick nod, his stare raking over your body briefly before turning and ushering Cristóbal to the car.

Nestor had texted you that same evening and asked you to grab a drink with him the next day, which was how you found yourself at a low-key, dimly lit bar on the outskirts of Santo Padre on a Friday night. Your inclination towards promptness meant you had arrived fifteen minutes early, so you headed inside and took a seat at the bar, ordering a gin and ginger.

You glanced around you, trying to hold back the nervousness fluttering in your belly. You fiddled with the hem of your black dress before laying it flat against your thigh. In your classroom, you rarely wore anything other than pants and leggings. Working with preschoolers meant that you were always prepared to be crouching, crawling on the ground, sitting on the floor, bending over, carrying kids on your hip, cleaning up various bodily fluids, getting things spilled on you. So, it was always a treat to get to dress up and you felt extra cute tonight.

Shortly after the bartender returned with your drink, you heard Nestor’s low, familiar voice near the shell of your ear.

“I was supposed to buy that for you,” he murmured, and you shivered just slightly at the fanning of his warm breath on your neck. His hand grazed your lower back as he passed you to take the stool next to yours.

You ducked your head to hide your grin. “You can buy the next one.”

Your smile faltered as he faced you completely and you got a clearer look at his injuries. He had forgone the gauze on his face, instead opting for a series of butterfly closures running down the jagged cut along his cheekbone. He was sporting a shiner on the eye on that side, but he seemed like he was in one piece otherwise.

“How’s the face?” you asked with a grimace.

“I’ve had worse,” he told you before ordering a beer from the bartender.

“I guess a life of crime would do that to you,” you said, and he glanced over at you with a raised eyebrow, perhaps trying to gauge how you meant it. You tossed him a wink and he smirked, shaking his head slightly.

“So,” you asked casually, “how did you end up being a security detail to the little man?”

“Big man’s mad at me.”

You laughed. “What?”

Nestor sighed, smoothing his facial hair with a hand punctuated by scabbed knuckles. “I, uh – fucked up, a while ago. Caused a lot of issues for Mikey. He put me on school duty as a punishment, I guess.” He paused, tossing back his beer. “But things are really tense right now, too, and I think it helps Mikey to have Cristóbal with someone he trusts. So, he kept me on it. And it’s fine, you know? They’re my family.”

He met your gaze meaningfully. “And it’s a nice way to start the morning,” he added.

“You’re really good with Cristóbal,” you commented warmly, heat rising on your cheeks. You hoped he couldn’t tell just how much you adored that about him.

Nestor’s lips curled into a small smile. “I’ve been around his whole life. Plus, he’s a pretty great kid.”

“Can confirm.” You paused around a sip of your cocktail. “So, I would imagine that you can’t share too much, but what does being the head of security for a cartel boss entail?”

Nestor’s eyes darkened broodingly, and you wondered if you’d overstepped, although you’d tried to acknowledge that you realized there were things you weren’t allowed to know. He leaned onto the top of the bar on his elbow, studying you again. “A lot of illegal shit. A lot of violence.” He paused thoughtfully. “But it’s also just a lot of… waiting. A lot of phone calls, researching, driving, babysitting – and not just babies.”

You chuckled at his sardonic choice of words. “I don’t know how you do it,” you joked. “I’m only okay with the babysitting involved in my job because they’re actual babies.”

“What made you decide to be a preschool teacher?” he asked, his shoulders relaxing a bit. You were distracted for a moment by the way his floral dress shirt pulled taut over his biceps and you swallowed hard.

“Uh – I got my degree in elementary education, and I started out as a kindergarten teacher. I was working in LA, but I had sort of a… rough patch, and needed to start over somewhere else. When the director, Maria, opened New River, she offered me a spot so I could come down to Santo Padre and get my shit back together.” You took a long pull on your drink, trying to swallow down your nerves.

Nestor’s head was tilted to the side curiously and you waited to see if he would inquire further. You let out the breath you didn’t realize you had been holding when he stuck to easy questions.

“How long have you been in Santo Padre?” he asked, tapping his fingers against his beer bottle.

“About two years. You?”

“Most of my adult life. I grew up with Mikey. And then I was in the Navy, moving around a lot. When I got out, Miguel offered me the job and I’ve been here ever since.” He shrugged slightly.

You studied him thoughtfully for a moment, the question you’d been wanting to ask him since you first met him resting on the tip of your tongue. He held your gaze steadily, so you went for it.

“Is it lonely?”

In the brief silence that followed, you wondered again if you had overstepped, if maybe it was too personal of a question. But you also felt strongly that the way Nestor answered would give you some indication as to his intentions with you.

His eyes narrowed on you, his head cocked to the side. “It can be.” He shifted on his barstool, his clothed knee knocking gently against yours, the touch sending electricity directly to your heart. Before you could respond to his statement, he asked, “Are you lonely?”

You were immediately annoyed at yourself for not anticipating that he would turn the question back on you; that was followed by the rush of embarrassment at your answer. Your mind reeled. Should you be honest with him? If you told him about your past, would he feel sorry for you? If you shared how and why you ended up in Santo Padre, would he pity you? You didn’t want that.

But.

You also desperately wanted to trust him. There was something about Nestor that made you feel safe, and while you supposed that was a side effect of his job, his interest in you represented a connection you hadn’t had with another person in years. And that alone pushed you towards the truth.

Your eyes found the bar top as you answered. “Yeah. I am.” You waited nervously for the follow-up questions, but they never came.

Instead, you felt Nestor’s knee knock softly against yours again and you looked up to meet his eyes. “Maybe you don’t have to be anymore,” he offered, leaning to bump his shoulder into yours, making you smile.

Part III of Los Guardianes

[diary-of-an-onliner]

lifelines [g.w.]

hi! first fic, pls be nice!

word count: 2300

warnings: none

After Gryffindor turned the tides at the last second, winning the second most important game of the season after a massive setback in the first hour, the celebrations raged harder than ever. Since Hufflepuff had beaten Slytherin to the ground two days ago, the path towards the Cup was clear. Angelina was sitting on the couch, having passed the point of looking pleased long ago, and now seemed almost frazzled by the result. People came up to her periodically, clapping her shoulder or topping off her drink, directing the buzzing energy of the common room straight into her.

Truly, the atmosphere was phenomenal, the stolen food and drinks from the kitchens juicer and a little more spiked than usual. Or maybe it was the sunlight still streaming through the windows as strongly as ever despite the past gloomy week. Whatever it was that made the day so electrically happy for everyone, it showed no signs of stopping.

This type of unrestrained feeling you always imagined started from the back of your head as s little star-like scribble that cast a net over you and spread the intensity throughout. This week it was stronger than it has been in a while.

You felt electric in the stands as you yelled for your team, an invisible line ripping the words from your throat before you even knew you were saying them. You felt elated as your housemates put their hands around you in delight, screaming themselves sore when they announced the winner. And you were feeling the happiness in your hair now, in every single strand from root to end as it swayed along with the bottle in your hand.

This was happy. This was joyful. This was utterly buttery in your chest and electric in the air.

You idly looked around the red and orange common room, which burned with excitement, deciding how to best spend this time before it runs out on Umbridge's watch and she ruins it.

No. No wasting thoughts on her today. She sucked enough life out of you and your housemates this year, she won't be doing it off the clock too.

Your eyes settled on possibly one of the strongest sources of this warmth - George Weasley, sitting on the arm of the couch next to his brother. The window behind him silhouetted him in gold perfectly, like the sun offered him to you. It accented how attractive he was, even if he burned a little at the top.

You've connected eyes before, talked before, even bantered. One wittier than the other every odd day, you toed the line between acquaintances and friends perfectly. Seeing as he's very popular, catching him in-between conversations was a matter of luck.

You imagined a line going from the center of your chest to his as you approached him. He pensively looked to the side, observing some goings-on on the far end of the room as you interrupted him.

"That was a good game. You got some very nice shots in," you said.

He turned to you with a mild close-mouthed 'hm', a look, and then a grin.

"You sure it was me?" he cocked his eyebrow and look at Fred on the couch next to Angelina, bumping knees with her and accepting congratulations in both of their names.

"You wear different numbers, genius. I know how to count this time."

"And you have my number memorized," he said, his voice glad.

"That would've been a great line if you were a Muggle."

"Pity, I already chose a magical career." he took a sip of his butterbeer and eyed you up, "Maybe I should start using my magical lines on you. Would those work better?" his eyes widened and his tone turned innocent at the end.

"I think I know too much anti-jinxes for that."

He pursed his lips in amusement. "Alright. What would work on you then?"

"Oh, I find responsibility and appropriacy really hot." you shot back, twirling a piece of your happy, charged up hair.

"Contradiction too," he said, "since you're still here."

"I find contradiction a natural state of the human soul, thus if I wasn't contradicting myself, I wouldn't fully be here."

"Hm. Brainy." he chuckled.

"Judgy. If you need me to simplify you can just say so."

"I think I can handle your smart mouth just fine."

"Then why am I winning?"

"I didn't realize this was a competition."

"Rookie mistake." you shook your head dramatically.

"I'm pretty sure it's a rookier mistake to assume you're winning. Who's the judge?"

"My innate inner sense of whether I'm winning or not."

"If it's inside you, then how would one file a complaint concerning an unfair ruling?"

"They wouldn't. It's a noble and just system that decided I'm in the lead. You just need to accept the truth."

"Don't make me come in there," he said, smirking good-naturedly.

"In where?" you shot back.

"In you." his smirk held on for a second before he seemed to realize what he said and his face scrunched up in apologetic laughter.

Your mind slipped into the gutter the way new yorkers fall into sinkholes filled with rats - hilariously fast.

Albeit greatly amused, he started to correct himself, "I didn't mean-"

"No, of course not." you licked your lips, "I understood you the first time " Was karma going to bite you in the ass for that lie? Who knows, but you might even be into that. Everything seems possible when the sun is shining. So he shone.

He grinned with his happy mouth and you once again noted how the light from the window behind him silhouetted him in the golden lining that made him look like a cutout glued onto the scene of this funny collage. His hair was aflame and his face was darker from the shadows but just as loudly burning with laughter.

This was happy.

You drew the word in your mind, line by line. H, a smooth move from the bottom, a decorative loop, then a parallel stroke, and a transversal. A, a circle with a tail, sharp move upward, and an even sharper drop for the backbone of p. P's tummy? Bulge? Nope, your mind shouldn't slip there in the middle of Binns’ class, no matter how boring he was. Another p, as George's knee bumped into yours. He was moved from "Mr. Wester, Phillip." for being disruptive, so he engaged in an under-the-table kind of disruption with his new tablemate.

You smiled. A long diagonal line, and another shorter one that cut into it. Y.

Happy.

You were, truly, right now. It sounded upside down to be happy though, both overall and when stuck in a soul-suckingly draining class, but you were.

George read over your shoulder, then audaciously engaged in over-the-table elbow-bumping-disruption and a cocked eyebrow. You straightened up, feeling a warm line unfold from the back of your head to the core of your brain, through the center of your chest, and straight to your stomach. Your happy line.

I'm happy, you mouthed.

Really? He mouthed back sarcastically yet good-naturedly. I can definitely see why. His eyes darted toward the professor. I say go for it, he's a catch. You might even be his type.

You burst out laughing, then immediately bit your lip. A few students, including Philip, looked at you as you shook with laughter, but professor Binns carried on.

George, on the other hand, shrugged with his shit-eating grin, pretending he has no idea why you were laughing, thus letting everyone know why you were laughing.

You scribbled, I don't know. What if it goes badly. I'd hate to be ghosted.

George raised his eyebrows at the Muggle slang you explained before. His hand slipped next to yours on the table and you felt your happy line thrum in approval. His hand was warm as he gently pressed it to yours, slowly took your quill, and scribbled back: Need someone more physical, huh? And I thought you were the romantic type.

Strong words for someone who never bought me dinner, you replied.

Mhm, as soon as I find a good line get you to agree to it.

Keep writing like that and I'll start thinking you fancy me.

Keep your mind in the gutter and I'll start thinking you don't fancy me back. He accented that line with a wink and an overdramatic lip bite.

You pouted sarcastically at him. Of course not, I only want you for your knobby knees.

He chuckled, reminded of the short line of warmth that connected your knees under the table. He pressed his into yours a little stronger, then pulled away.

That's a funny way of flirting. I'd know, I'm an expert at funny.

Self-proclaimed.

Untrue.

And I'm not flirting. If I was, you'd know it.

Would you? your breath hitched. For reasons you very well knew but refused to sound out to yourself, this short sentence drove the air around you two from joking to serious at breakneck speed.

Know if you were flirting with me? your happy line felt jumbled up in your stomach. He smiled at you.

Would you know if you were flirting with me?

The following week was arduous.

Gryffindors had a record amount of detentions, and Snape tore into them any and every chance he could. Even McGonagall was one edge, meaning lousy or missed homework was a death sentence. You forgot how to read from tiredness, submitting essays patchworked of other people's thoughts without ever having any information pass through your head. Everything was dull, gray, and dragged out.

Despite that, outside the castle the sky was blue and sunlight streamed through the soft clouds and a sweet breeze would blow around aimlessly. It was both comforting and a little mocking. The sky should be as exhausted and as beaten down as you. Good to know stress made you compare yourself to a literal sky. But maybe that's a little cruel. Nevertheless, it sounded like nature itself was turning its nose up at you, saying you're selfish for wanting grey skies, she doesn't care, she's above puny human affairs. The world turns and you have to turn with it or stop, then spend the rest of the time catching up.

You haven't stopped yet, but by all that is holy, you wanted to sleep. As the sun finally descended on a Friday after dinner, you finished your essays in hope that the next week might be kinder if you do everything quickly. The common room was dark, most of the light coming from the fire in the fireplace. It was also oddly empty for nine-thirty in the evening. Apparently, everyone had the same week as you.

Your almost finished essay laid on the table as you dozed, swinging your legs back and forth over the edge of your armchair.

The creak of the portrait opening caught your attention, and George Weasley walked in a second later, rubbing his sore hand and cussing.

Truly everyone had a shitty week.

"Love?" you said teasingly.

He looked up at you with a tired grin.

"It's late."

"Not really. You okay?"

"Nothing I can't handle, love." he sighed, leaning against the wall next to the fireplace.

"Can I see?" you crossed the room to stand in front of him. Again, the firelight licked at the lines of his face, clear and sharp. He had circles under his eyes and a heavily nibbled lip.

"It's nothing." still, George raised his hand. "Love." he added, distantly. He seemed to be staring right above your head. You looked at the middle line of his lips again. You imagined him biting it.

Was it him that bit it? That one hurt. You hoped it was him.

You took his hand in your and rubbed circles into his knuckles. His eye winced.

"I'm sorry."

"S'not your fault."

"What happened?" he closed his eyes.

"Two ickle firsties almost brought the wrath of Umbridge into themselves with some dungbombs. You know how it goes," he said, a corner of his lip tugging upwards. Your chest expanded looking at him being satisfied with himself. As he should be.

"How... responsible of you," you said.

His eyes snapped downwards to yours.

"Keep looking at me like that and I might also start being appropriate too, darling."

You stepped closer, your happy line thrumming against your chest like a quivering violin string.

"What if being responsible is enough?"

"Enough for what?" he breathed out before you pressed yourself against him.

At first, that's was it was - a press of two warm lips. Then he started to move slowly, almost gentlemanly. How appropriate.

As he touched you, you felt the daze of last week lift. The little star scribble on the back of your head lit up, pulsing with brightness rather than fogging your thought. This was clear, you felt his every stroke that made up his face and chest and hands. The scribble of happiness extended itself into a web, overtaking your brain - you could feel it and you wondered if he saw it too when he looked at you. You pulled away and lifted your head to check. Probably not, but his eyes were glassy and he gave you a dopey smile. He was glad you were there. You pressed your lips against his again. You were glad he was there too.

The web continued down your neck, arms and chest, into your legs until your toes buzzed with light coursing through you. You were more awake than you have been in a long time.

Your hands were the brightest of all, and as you touched his hands, connecting them fingertip to fingertip, things made sense. The web buzzed and his breath was warm against yours, hands pulsing with energy as your every lifeline connected into his.

[makingspiritualityreal]

Numerology Life Path 3 - Your Birth Card and its Ruling Planet

Numerology Life Path Numbers and their assigned Tarot Card Meaning Series

This is a post in my astrology/numerology/tarot series, that only concerns you, if you are a Life Path 3. Posts on consecutive Life Path Numbers will follow. Originally, I wanted to do them all in one post, but my writing turned out to be so long, I decided to split the post and seperate the Life Path Numbers. The introduction part of the post will be the same for all Life Path Numbers, in case you only read a post about your own Life Path Number, and nothing else. 

Introduction   

The concept of a Birth Card links Tarot and Numerology together, in order to deepen our understanding of a vibration of a Life Path Number we are born with. The Birth Card, or rather Birth Cards, are Major Arcana Tarot Cards with assigned numbers, which correlate with Life Path Numbers. Understanding the meaning of tarot cards, mixed with the knowledge of Numerology Vibrations, helps create a more unique vision of your life experience.

A person with any given Life Path Number, having several Major Arcana energies present in their lives, usually struggles with one of the energies more than the other. As a result, life will probably force them to focus on mastering one of these energies. In general, however, any Life Path describes both your biggest downfall and ultimate triumph - just like with an Astrology Chart, the highlighted numbers/astrology houses point to your biggest strengths and weaknesses. For a better understanding of this concept, visit my article “Natal Chart - A map of your issues?”

Remember, that everyone, besides their Life Path Number and Birth Card also has a unique astrology chart. Thus, for some people embracing the higher expression of their energy is easier, for others it’s harder and it takes more time to master, and some energies become easier to deal with than others. Most human beings are somewhere in between, working on their path and having some achievements while struggling with difficulties at the same time. 

In the spiritual community, there are differences in opinion on linking Astrological Planets and positions to specific numerology numbers energies. My take is a result of my own personal experience, conversations with other people in my field and research, in order to give you the widest possible spectrum of ideas and increase the understanding of every Life Path Number.

If you are a Master Number 11, 22 or 33, there will be a seperate post on how the Birth Cards apply to you as well. 

Even If you have only a basic understanding of Astrology, Tarot or Numerology, this post will still be helpful to you, because it describes the unique vibrational mix that comes from the expression of both these spiritual sciences mixed together. To calculate which Tarot Cards and what Life Path correspond to your birthday, click here.

Life Path 3 - The Hanged Man, The Empress and The World

The vibration of the Life Path 3 is ruled by the expansive, benevolent energies of Jupiter. This gives this life path an optimistic zeal to pursue their goals, and a lot of energy for continuous, creative forward movement, fueled by Jupiter’s joyous nature. 

The downfall here, as with all things related to Jupiter is excess and lack of measure. The key to constant prosperity is knowing where to stop, and preserving the bigger picture perspective. No matter what Life Path number you are, life always carries ups and downs with it. Life Path 3s can take their highs as dramatically as their lows, which can make them give up, when things are no longer that easy. Their ups can take them anywhere they want to, but their lows can sink them into a spiral of self destructive behaviors.

Jupiter rulership can also result in an opposite outcome to its natural, benevolent energy. A Life Path 3 can easily become dejected and disillusioned, struggling to rediscover their inspiration, and pushing themselves, because they expect the same, high level of results. The negative experience of the Life Path 3 is feeling limited, infertile, insufficient, not good enough, blocked and restricted. This despair can lead them to try to adapt some survival philosophy, which can make them stick to a narrow minded approach, just to have something measurable to believe in, a spiritual code to give at least an illusion of meaning. The key with this Life Path is preserving a real, measurable level of faith in yourself and your path, and making sure you don’t allow yourself to drown in negativity energetically, even if life sends trials your way. 

Your optimism is as infectious as your depressive states are. Be aware of the power you carry, how you can influence not only yourself but everyone around you, and the fact that you can survive any storm through keeping your energetic flow intact, even when it’s challenging. Take any suffering you encounter as an adventure. Be careful not to overly dramatise and catastrophize. This is not something commonly talked about, but Jupiter not only gives blessing, but also expands every experience, both positive and negative. That means a Life Path 3 can make any problem worse in their head than it actually is, due to their tendency to go the extra mile, in any direction. As a Life Path 3, keep your head level, look for truth, a bigger picture and a deeper meaning in every situation, without letting yourself be overwhelmed by it. For you more than for any other Life Path, it’s about the process, not the goal. 

We look for answers on the manifestation of the Life Path 3 energy through assigned Birth Cards.

The World - A card emblematic of the expansive energy of Jupiter. Represents infinity, limitless possibilities. Being the last Major Arcana card, it’s the ultimate outcome of our spiritual journey, where we feel enriched and blessed by the wisdom of all the experiences, that we encountered on the way, no matter how hard they could have been at times. This is the philosophy, that mature Life Path 3s embrace in life, that allows them to reach the heights, that other people admire them for. Nothing says “the world is your oyster” quite like The World card, because it has the wisdom and the perspective of all the previous Major Arcana energies. Having transcended and mastered the process of the spiritual growth journey, there is only perspective of infinity left in this stage, without the overwhelming emotional experience, that an initiate wrestles with in the middle of the growth process. This wisdom and serenity should be the guiding light for any Life Path 3.

The Hanged Man - Connected to the ability to expand through looking at things from a different perspective. It can also relate to the frustration element, that this Life Path can struggle with, the feeling of being stuck. However, it also points out how practical results for this Life Path are strongly dependent on their point of view. Life always leads to a crossroads at some point, and no one’s journey is perfectly smooth. The expansion, that Jupiter demands in this Life Path, requires having a varied experience, and that requires the open-minded and patient approach, that this Tarot card gives us. This is the tool of being measured and balanced for this Life Path - whenever a situation seems dire, look at it from another angle, and reflect upon it without constantly trying to push and exhaust yourself and rush forward. This is the pinch of restraint, that is necessary to hold Jupiter’s expansion together, the balancing, grounding, logical force, that humbles a Life Path 3 by constantly challenging them to keep growing through shifting their perception. 

The Empress - Reminds us, how powerful this Life Path is. Gives Jupiter a controlled, more directed flow. A mastered Life Path 3 will embrace Tarot’s gift in this card - focus and discipline. There is power in this Life Path being so happy-go-lucky, independent and expansive. However this, card reminds us, that good judgment, emotional self control and self-imposed limitations are equally necessary for Life Path 3s to succeed. The Empress is very creative, fertile, abundant and nourishing. She is the apex of divine feminine creativity. However, like a good mother, she knows when to reward and take care of the child, but also where to set the limits. This card gives a Life Path 3 the skill to keep themselves in check, in order to avoid going overboard and spiralling into self-destruction. 

As a Life Path 3, remember that the world needs your energy to keep going, not just to rush forward, but to exist in the moment with a mindset of abundance. Don’t forget, that for you more than for anyone how you look at things will determine the quality of your experience. There is a lot of power in this, because it gives you a high level of freedom. Don’t always rush forward. Take a break, pause, inhale, exhale. Enjoy the fresh breath of energy that you are, and spread it around, and you will always have that positivity come back to you in the end.

[low-budget-korra]

Lets talk about Korra (again)

i already made this analysis, and it was well received but i dont know, i wanna do it again. Why not right? My english is better now than was when i made that analysis so i think  this one will be better written

What a way to introduce a protagonist. This line and this scene tell us everything we need to know about Korra at that time and everything she knew about herself.

In book one Korra is a 17′s old teenager who have no idea how the world, how life is outside the training center she grew up in and had been locked up since ever. So she is not only naive but have lack of social skills

Oh, and not everyone who lack’s social skills will act like Zuko and Azula okay? Korra can be confident, expressive and outgoing and still have problems when it comes to social skills.One thing dont exclude the other.

“I’m the Avatar and you gotta deal with it” did you guys notice that only for that line we can see the entire opposite on how she treat her role as avatar in comparisson with Aang? And im not here to judge because is two very different contexts.

As far as we know, Korra grew up without friends or romantic partners. Of course, she had her training partners but i believe that they are just that. 

So her entarely perception of herself was around her duty as Avatar, she didnt have personal life, she barely was Korra...She was The avatar and thats that.

So she came to Republic City, it was a mess. 

Its funny to see that she have no touch when it comes to simply talk to people, i guess when you grew up away from society, this happens. And yes, she is cocky and had to learn that people arent there to somewhat please her, and she learned that quicky. 

Thats why the Pro Bending was important for her character, not only for training but also as means of socilization.

Now lets talk about the villains: Amon and Tarrlok

The two of them represents two differents threats to Korra. Amon represents a threat to her duty as Avatar while Tarrlok represents a threat to Korra as a person.

In episode 4 we have what i still thinks is the darker episode from TLOK. In this episode Amon ambushes Korra in the final moments... Even knowing that they did their best to make Amon’s power and control be non-sexualized as possible still...He have her down on her knews, totally helpless and he even invades Korra’s personal space by touching in her face forcing her to look at him. He didn't have to sexually touch her to violate her.

And right after, the fear in Tenzin voice when asking what happened after seeing her laying in the ground like that, and how Korra is sobing in his arms teeling him how powerless and helpless she felt. I mean...Oh, and she keeps terryfied by him until he takes her bending.

Tarrlok in the  other hand doesnt do much different from his brother and started to harass Korra because he cant take ‘no’ as a answer when Korra didnt wanted to join his task force.

Whats interesting is that if it wasnt for Tarrlok harassement and maniputation, Korra wouldnt have joined his task force and wouldnt have confronted Amon and wouldn't have gone through that terrible encounter.

The thing is that Korra is caught right in the middle of a politcal power dispute over the city, something that she for sure wasnt prepare for it. And both Amon and Tarrlok woud hurt or kill her without think twice about it if that means gain  power. And that was exacly what happened

Tarrlok tried to manipulate her and keep her on leash where he could, and when his tatics didnt worked anymore he alreay had a plan B. Yes that whole metal box in that cabin in the middle of nowhere was made especifically for her and maybe Tenzin if he also get in his way.

In the end Korra lost the physical battle against both but won the ethical battle also against both. She was the responsable for expose both of them as corrupted and hypocrites. But at what price? Amon was able to remove the bends of the Avatar. And without them, how could she be the Avatar?

Remember that her entirely conception of herself was built around her duty as Avatar, be the avatar. After all, everything she was, everything she'd trained so hard for, had been destroyed in minutes. Thats why i still strongly believe that she was thinking about killing herself at the end, nobodys goes all sad and crying to in front of a clifft without thinking about jumping from it. 

But she, i think given up the idea and just sit and started to crying when Aang appeared and help her, giving her bendings back in one of the best scenes of the show. So after have everything solve and still managed to get the boy she was in love with, things where great and she “move on”

In that first half, Korra is unbearable. Everything she learned in Book 1 how to be more mature, less spoiled and all, was thrown in the trash and she was the same "child" of the book one only worse.

Until I stopped and realized that I was also unbearable and childish like this when I had my bad phases of anxiety and depression, as defense mechanism and keep people away. Returning to Korra, and if this way of acting of her was nothing more than this defense mechanism?

Because guess what, i dont think she “move on” from all that happened in Book One that fast, and for add more drama she discovered that was her father idea of keeping her locked up training in that training center we saw in book one and not traveling like avatars before her. No wonder she felt betrayed. And for adding even more drama, people still keep treating her like child, so she was despered for some validation. Something that she found in her uncles arms but she was betrayed by him after.

In the end, Korra again goes through a traumatic experience when she has her connection with past lives destroyed. We see how it affected her when she apologizes to Tenzin, through tears. And Tenzin, as the excellent master he is, tries to motivate her to face Vaatu again (now merged with Unalaq, her uncle) and again she saves the day even after go throught a traumatic event

In the final moments, we see the innocent decision to reconnect the world of spirits and the world of men. And we also see Korra and Mako permanently end their turbulent relationship.

Book 3 begins in a more mature, we see all the characters being presented in a more mature way and it seems that Korra now has overcome everything that has passed. We have the relationship between Korra and Asami deepening as well

In Book 3, called "Change" we have a great sacrifice from Korra. Her life goes down a notch when she decides to save the new airbenders from Zaheer and the Red Lotus, the only villain until now that really threat her life since their sole goal was to kill the avatar.

Korra won again but this time victory costed way too much. Yes she save the day again but now she was  physically and psychologically defeated. It was too much, she broke.

Book 4 begins and we only saw Korra in the final minutes and she is unrecognizable. We see that, once proud and courageous avatar, in someone depressed and cowerd. We never have saw Korra like that, even when she was afraid of Amon she wasnt like that.

Korra is afraid of being the Avatar again and her fight against PTSD is still one of the most sensitive, responsable and honest representation of Mentall Issues that i saw, and it was before this subject gain more space on media. It was before people started to give attention to this

I also think that she was having flashs from her other fights and not only the one against Zaheer.

Another thing I think is worth mention is that Korra took 3 years to feel safer and re-embrace her duties as Avatar. It was not 3 weeks or 3 months, it was 3 years. And anyone who suffers from some mental illness knows very well the stigma that is, the fight that is, because everyone wants you to be well faster as possible  when the truth is that many times you spend years fighting against this.  And this is a pressure that falls on you.Imagine, seeing all your friends moving forward while you continue "stock in the same place"?

Only after Korra confronts Zaheer, I think that was a way to show her coping with the trauma, she improves to the point of returning to be the great Avatar we know. I personally still struggles with this scene because put the victim in front of her agressor may not be the best idea but i understand that she needed to see that he was just a man and not the invencible monster her mind was telling her

One of the lines that stuck with me the most was in the TLOK version of the ember island players, the one that made a recap of the show before the finale. When Korra said “I was so naive” just before we watch her narration of her journey, we can feel pain, sadness and strenght. Janet was amazing in the way the delivered this line.

And this fucking quote i saw here on tumblr still is the goat: “The Last Airbender is a story of a boy who becomes a god. The Legend of Korra is the story of a goddess who becomes a girl "

And I still get really pissed when someone comes to talk shit about  Korra because she is such an incredible heroine and her journey is also so incredible.

The story of how life can be hard and unfair, how it can hurt and paralyze, but there is always a reason to move on. We should always move on.

Korra is definitely not weak, quite the opposite, she is one of the if not the strongest heroine I have ever seen. Korra inspires overcoming