#i still have some drafts from the days i didn't participate

[neorhythm]

Day 7: Love ♥ #SouyoWeek2024

First, I want to give a shout out to all the artists and writers who participated in souyoweek this year!! It's been so much fun looking through everyone's posts and seeing all the incredible fanwork. Of course kudos to @souyoweek2020 for hosting!! It's been a blast and I can't thank everyone enough. ✨

Hope to see you all again next year~ I'll still be here drawing these two sillies in the meantime 😤💖

[ayustuff]

ᴇᴠᴇɴ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀʏ ɪ ᴍᴇᴛ ʏᴏᴜ, ᴛᴏ ᴛʜɪѕ ᴅᴀʏ ᴏɴ ɪᴄᴇ | ᴘʜ!ʙᴀᴋᴜɢᴏᴜ × ɢɴ!ғɪɢᴜʀᴇ ѕᴋᴀᴛᴇʀ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

『　ᴀɴᴏɴ: Hi there! I love your writing so much - you’re so talented 😭 Can you write a pro hero Bakugo x figure skater reader who’s going to a competition and he surprises them there??　』

➴ | ᴀ/и: awwiee thankies! ♡ i'm sorry i can't answer your og ask bc i can't edit the draft so i had to re-create hshshs (i still don't know how this app works) anyway you get it, back to da post!

• ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 1ᴋ+

• ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢѕ: a little angst, fluff all around. (and forgive me if some of this are not realistic hshshs idk the rules of figure skating!)

• ʟɪɴᴋѕ: request a fanfic | navi (where the rules are stated)

in katsuki's mind, he thinks he wouldn't make it due to his busy job, he even yelled at his secretary for not making a proper out-of-work day for him. the secretary right now is probably on the edge, you are still amused that they haven't gotten fired or quit.

and for you, you weren't expecting him to be here either, you thought he was busy and you're okay with that but katsuki didn't seem to want to miss one of your competition. he's even on time when the building opened, hell, he even checked if you're all fine, not hungry or anything, and made sure you had a good stretch before you stepped a foot on the ice.

he is acting like he's half your coach and half your mom! though the moment his rough hand meets your soft skin such as to correct your position while stretching has you melting, has his hands ever been that big?

not to mention, he is definitely holding back from squishing every part of your body.

once the program started you bid him a goodbye for now, a kiss on the cheek goodbye for luck you say. hot damn, you really want to get out of the friendzone don't you?

eventually he got dumbfounded at the kiss, absent mindedly looking for his seat among the fans and sit on his paid chair.

after katsuki regained his conciousness he start to observe the other participants before you and after you, by that, he already knew you're gonna win. he just know it, his baby... actually his best friend is gonna take the trophy home like he does.

his face was in all awe and his eyes had the same sparks in them as the first time he watched you performing to now. and you know those pretty outfits you wear when you perform? yes, you have that on, it always makes him bubbly in the inside seeing or even thinking of you with it on.

like what katsuki predicted, you won, he's the first feral dog that ran to you with a grin on his face and he's the one to congratulate you with a pat on the top of your head.

when all the interview, awarding, and other things are done, here he is hugging you from your behind as you two walk to the parking lot just behind the building in this winter night, it's like you both depend for warmth against the cold temperature.

looking up at his face with red blush, you quietly slip your hands on his hands and intertwine your fingers with his. his skin turned a little pale from the cold and he has red blushes over his knuckles, cheeks, nose, and ears, you are thinking to yourself maybe the extra blush is because of you... as a natural confirmation from your heart it says maybe you're right.

"i still love you from that day." he whispers to himself though you didn't really comprehend what he was saying because it was muffled by his thick scarf. you only shrugged and didn't say anything, you just want him to hold you this close everyday even if it is the winter that only caused this to happen... and well it isn't really mentioned by the two of you, he surprisingly took the initiative to hug you from your behind while saying a small 'shut up' when you opened your mouth to tease him about 'not being cold'.

at the way to you two's shared apartment, you immediately shaked katsuki as soon as you saw a possible skating area of what looks like a sturdy frozen lake. you instantly invited him to ice skate with you even if you just finished competing.

katsuki sighs with a slight smile, "still not tired?" he drives the car near the lake and parks it there. your gentleman then gets out of the car to open your door, you give him a cheeky grin and hopped out of the car with your rather expensive ice skates and another pair.

"what's the other pair for, hah?" he asked despite that he already had a feeling that you would force him to ice skating, you always force him in doing things anyway so he became more comfortable with it.

kneeling down facing his shoes you respond, "for you." you made him sit on the grass, take his shoes off and replaced it with the ice skates. finishing, you give his leg a pat then stepped on the ice. waiting for him to join you, you held katsuki's hands as if this was his first. even these little things makes katsuki's heart go flutter.

katsuki didn't really need a help since he's good at learning new things plus he already went on a few ice skating with you, bonus points that you're a really good teach to him.

looking deep into your eyes, katsuki drifts to the thoughts in his mind when he whispered to himself 'i still love you from that day.' earlier in the parking lot. katsuki never really knew when he fell, he just knew when he realized it. one thing he's sure, he's fallen inlove with you for such a long time already. to think about it his heart already pounded when you get closer to him before he realized that he's fallen.

even if you two spend so much time together, he hasn't confessed and it's okay. with you he didn't have to say 'i love you.' when he already has you with him everyday, he doesn't need to say it because he already has your attention, you already care for him, and you already give him affection.

and katsuki wouldn't say 'i love you.' just to hear you say 'i love you too as a friend!' even if you don't understand what he is truly the meaning of what he said because your dense, he just doesn't want his heart broken. even if you don't mean it, it hurts, it hurts so bad and this all is enough for now.

[astranne]

MY LADY BRIDE !genshin impact

pierro x fem!reader

words // 1.2k

notes // this is part of the #marry a harbinger collab @pyroxeene and i created and part of my lady wife series. the general idea has been sitting too long in my drafts, and now i finally found the motivation to actually finish this. the collab is still ongoing, so if you'd like to participate too, you still have some time!

warnings: only pierro pov, dottore and with him the usual chaos and slaughter that follows him everywhere (a mention of a bonquet made out of limbs)

extra notes // i would be very glad if as many as possible could reblog this, best with tags because i‘m not showing up there 😭 it’s my first time and right before my hiatus… i hope this will solve itself, because i really don’t have the time to worry about this now, not when we‘re flying in two days ._.

my lady series masterlist

It was the wedding of the year. No matter what the laws of Snezhnaya said, the Harbingers were royals in everyone's eyes. How could they not be, when they directly served under her Highness and led the infamous Fatui?

And when the first Harbinger, the Jester, announced that he would take a wife... it was the wedding of the year, if not the wedding of the century.

The ceremony would be attended by everyone who was anyone. Servants whispered about the most extravagant wedding they've ever seen, or well, prepared. Their words carried wide and vast, and soon nobles, rich merchants, and members of the Fatui heard of the rumors too.

Yet no one dared ask Pierro about the wedding or his future bride. They didn't want to risk his wrath, no matter how curious they were. Well, some dared to. His work colleagues all teased him for finally settling down, and all they got in response was an unimpressed glare. How else should Pierro answer the teasing of the youngest Harbinger? He didn't know much about love anyway, so he should shut his mouth, was what Pierro thought several times about Childe.

Pantalone had been a big part of the wedding preparations, so Pierro wasn't too bitter about the few teasing words that left the younger man's lips. Still, Pierro would've preferred it if they wouldn't tease him at all. There was simply no time for it. Just because he would be married soon didn't mean they could slack off with their work. And they did indeed slack off with their workloads and assigned missions.

The Fair Lady of the Harbingers didn't behave like a lady at all. Instead of getting the gnosis from Barbatos, she sent a letter from Mondstadt, full of mirth and teasing words. Pierro was very close to not inviting her to the wedding.

Dottore wasn't any better and gave him a bunch of limbs, still bleeding and making a mess of the floor. And then he had the gall to call this monsteraty a bouquet and demanded that he give it to his fiancé. He should've just chucked it right in his face, instead of telling his assistant to silently let this mess vanish.

And all the other harbingers weren’t better. Their comments and teasing words just worsened his mood the moment he saw one of them. 

But it was his darling lady, his fiancé, his soon to be bride, who always calmed him down. Not that he was a temperamental man, but his fellow Harbingers always brought the worst out of him. Sometimes he asked himself why he was doing this. Sometimes he just... wanted to leave. And he could. Take his lady love and leave the harbingers. But then he watched how Childe almost set the training grounds on fire again and got chased through the palace by the Captain and couldn’t bring himself to leave. The world would end if he didn’t keep them in check. 

This is why he tolerated their teasing and domineering personalities so that at the end of the day, he could finally fall into the arms of his darling lady, grumble about his day, and simply enjoy the time spent with her.

Soon they would be finally married and he could call her his lady wife, his love, simply his. And yet, every time he thought about the moment he would call her his wife, his mouth went dry and his heart started beating faster. He was nervous, oh so nervous- what if something went wrong? There could be so much going wrong, and Pierro wanted this to be the perfect day for his love, so she could always think back and remember their wedding day with a smile.

But he couldn’t show it. His face carried the usual scowl, only melting into a small smile when he saw his love. He had to be steady and calm. He was her husband and the strong man in her life. Not that his wife to be needed any protection, but the instinct was still in him. Arlecchino would tell him to knock it off and stop behaving like the stereotypical, overprotective husband. And he knows he is, and he knows he shouldn't be, it was wrong of him to do so. 

Of course, he knows this. His lady was strong, a powerful woman in her own right, and yet…and yet he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to protect her, keep her safe and satiated, without any complaints. It was his duty as a husband, his duty to love, cherish, and protect her. And he would. This he promised himself the moment it became clear he would marry her.

—

When the day of the wedding finally came, Pierro planned to prepare himself alone. He could clothe himself. He has always done it.

But then his fellow Harbingers barged into his room, chattering with each other and carrying packages upon packages with them.

"What are you doing?" Pierro hissed. Then he started slowly backing away from Signora’s disapproving gaze at his choice of clothing. 

"We’re here to save the day," chirped Columbia, and started humming one of the many tunes he had chosen for the wedding. 

"No", he refused, batting Arlecchino’s hands from his hair. 

"We definitely need to fix this," mused Pantalone, and started opening the packages they brought in. Then he went through coats and alternations of their harbinger uniforms, always picking them up and holding them in the air, only to put them away after a few seconds. 

Pierro sighed and prepared for an exhausting morning, while the harbingers around him chattered and chirped away, eyes gleaming with mirth. They knew exactly that he didn’t want them here, and yet they ignored his silent wish for peace. 

—

Time passed fast, and before Pierro truly realized it, he stood in front of his majesty, for she would be the one to bless his marriage. Behind him, people whispered and pointed, awed at the extravagance of his wedding.

And suddenly, the nerves hit. His breath hitched, his hands started shaking, and he started to feel uneasy. He would marry the woman he loved, link himself with her, exchange vows for life-

The sharp gaze of the Tsaritsa pulled him out of his spiraling thoughts and he took a deep breath. He couldn’t hesitate now. He had to stay strong and steady for his wife to be.

—

His eyes widened when the doors of the hall finally opened and his darling lady finally showed her in her wedding dress. Her steps were slow, her long veil being carried by two young children, and her white dress falling and folding like a river, trailing after her elegant person.

A small smile was on her face, her hands full with a bouquet of roses, which she passed to one of the children accompanying her. She took his offered hand, stepping next to his right side. 

"You are beautiful," he whispered, and the radiant smile she gave in return almost made him gasp. A smile full of love, directed at him. He would marry her; he is marrying her. His lady, his darling, his wife. The woman he will live with from today until his death.

—

And so he spoke his vow, to love and cherish her, to protect and take care of her, till the end of his days.

ASTRANNE 2022

[mrhaitch]

hi mr.haitch!

as someone who's interested in academia, do you think you can speak a bit about your experiences and journey? it's something i've had my eye on for a bit but honestly don't even know where to begin and idk if i'm just having a mini life crisis because i'm feeling unfulfilled in my current field.

I think I've spoken about this before, but I'll do it again. Please note that I am currently not in academia at present, although I do have plans to return. Currently I'm teaching functional skills in English and maths to kids in their late teens (many of them with severe emotional, behavioural, or learning disorders) so this will be more of a retrospective.

(Be warned, it's long)

Let's get one thing very clear: I was a bad student and my road into academia is and remains crooked. I had bad grades in highschool, an appalling attendance record, and spent a great deal of highschool in detention. It is a miracle that I finished highschool, and a further miracle that I was accepted by a college, and fluked through my A-levels.

I never paid attention in class unless it was something I cared about. Homework was a mythical concept, I never participated, rarely engaged, and generally treated school with disdain.

And I didn't get better until I was in my twenties.

Some of it was anxiety, a lot of it was arrogance.

So fast forward through my undergrad years where I oscillated wildly between workaholic frenzy (political philosophy, existentialism, philosophy of religion) to staunch absenteeism (philosophy of language, socratic philosophy). In my final year things kind of clicked, I knuckled down, got into a few fights with my lecturers, forced my grades up, and came out with a good enough grade to get onto a masters course.

This was largely in thanks to my writing, which I'd become increasingly dedicated to, completing and submitting my first (and thankfully unpublished novel) in the process. During my master's I revelled in the greater degree of independence, how I could direct and engage with the material in my own way, and how it connected with my passions (creative writing). I still had an arrogant moment, failed to prepare for an assignment and failed it. The failure capped my overall grade at a pass which sank any hope for a scholarship.

Dejected and pissed off, I then took the first job that came my way and gave up on academia. I languished in the service industry for four years and thought I'd amount to nothing more. Some political nonsense happened towards the end, I pushed back against the wrong people who promptly tried to fire me under false (and illegal) pretenses.

Haitch pushed me to look into doing my PHD again. I applied, teaching out to one of my old MA teachers to be my supervisor and he accepted with far more enthusiasm than I could've hoped for. I got a loan from the government and vowed to throw myself at my PHD as hard as I could, and I did.

From 2019 until early 2023, I worked five days a week (plus some time in the weekends) on my thesis and my writing. 8-5 every day with my nose in a book, or plugging away at a manuscript, or drafting papers. I lived and breathed it every second. I kept a journal where I pushed myself to work harder and harder to achieve what I felt was my dream. During that time I was determined to come out with my experience and qualifications than I could possibly need for an entry position. I shadowed my colleagues when they taught classes, exchanged emails with academics I admired, published more short fiction.

Brick by brick I built a portfolio and a modest reputation. Then I was invited to speak at a prestigious convention in the UK. I met legendary literary agents, famous authors, hung out with people I admired, and had a chance to read some of my work to an audience and discuss its themes.

I taught for two years, while at the same time working two other contracts for various outreach bodies teaching and supporting kids from deprived or disadvantaged backgrounds.

And I still can't get a permanent position.

I've been shortlisted once or twice, and knocked back at the first hurdle a whole bunch.

Academic positions are like gold dust scattered down the back of a unicorn as it leaps over a double rainbow. It is hard to get a job teaching and researching at a university, especially in the humanities. It is endless rejection with minimal feedback, banging your head against a brick wall over and over wondering if you felt it move or if you've just softened your skull.

It's hard, very hard, and takes a lot of commitment and a lot of sacrifice, with zero guarantee you'll get anyway.

But you do it because you can't imagine yourself doing anything else.

The eagle eyed amongst you will recognise this as the same conclusion I reached about writing, and they're right. It's the same. Often thankless, frequently difficult. A feeling of toiling alone in the dark, waiting for someone, anyone to peer into the well you fell down.

But as hard as it is, if that's the path you've chosen, a part of you doesn't care. You do it anyway. You do it in spite of what it costs you, and the little it gives back.

At least, that's how I see it. Thank you for attending my rambling, somewhat doom-laden, TED talk.

[touhoucrackmonth]

Thank you!!

With March finally ending, the first ever Touhou Crack Month is officially drawing to a close! Now, that doesn't mean it's quite over yet. I will still be accepting late entries for the coming days, and in the future I'll probably be using this blog to celebrate crackships beyond the confines of the event.

This was quite a ride for me as it started from some random spitballing, and within 3 days I had a program, a form, a sideblog and various announcement posts at the ready, and somehow went through with it.

As of writing this, there are 14 works in the official AO3 collection, out of 22 individual participants. I didn't expect for so much to come out of this, and I am extremely thankful to every participant who submitted something to my silly event, it means a lot!

I also want to thank @que-de-metal for helping me iron out a few important details while the event was still a draft. I think it would have been much worse without your input!

Partly due to lack of foresight, this event took place during one of the rockiest months of my life, in both good and bad ways (those who follow my personal blog will understand), and it made for nice moments of respite to read what y'all came up with throughout this hectic period. Thank you all for that as well.

The way this first edition went certainly makes me want to try again next year, but until then,

Thank you for participating! — onion

[kumoriyami-xiuzhen]

Hakuoki SSL～sweet school life～ 『Christmas Weekend』 2016 SS

Well, I've decided that this is going to be my last Hakuoki post for the year. For December, I plan on working on that Collar x Malice Xmas short story that I've been putting off for a while and the next Deemo chapter... and then I'll probably try to do something about my non-existent queue since I really don't think I'll be able to translate much in January or February because of my exam... though I swear that I'll at least put in some effort. Also I do want to get back to Hakumyu Hijikata-hen's extras. Been sitting on those for a while because life's been busy... 😅 ehehehe.... (facepalm).

Anyway, this translation is originally from a story that was posted by Otomate in 2016... and I am 70% sure that this image was published with it. Unfortunately, I can't check since the link it was posted to no longer works, and I also can't check where I found the tl for this story (unlike most things, I know where it was located... but it was on blog.sina and I can't do anything about unviewable content). Still, I had this image in my drafts for years with a note blurb about the the 2016 SSL Xmas story so it probably is the right one?

Enjoy~!

Hakuoki SSL～sweet school life～

『Christmas Weekend』

Translation by KumoriYami

——Saturday, December 24

This year, a Christmas event was to be held on the 24th of December, between 3 consecutive days of vacation.

Although the 23rd is a Friday and a holiday, [since] the 24th fell on a Saturday and the 25th fell on Sunday, which resulted in a 3 day consecutive holiday, it was a rare occurrence to have such a Christmas holiday in recent years [SSL is set in 2016 [or so the tl note said]…. which had December 23rd, a Japanese national holiday which celebrates the birth of Emperor Akihito, fall on a Friday]. Therefore, it is very meaningful for those who had people of significance to them such as family, loved ones, and close friends who enjoyed such holiday activities.

However, there were also people who couldn't be included among them. Those who were working for example, who were unable to celebrate or find time to spend together with their partners, and those who did not make plans for Christmas, or even the holiday… Yukimura Chizuru was one of those people.

Chizuru did not originally intend to spend Christmas like this.

However, her father, Yukimura Kodo, was on a business trip at an offshore island and hadn't returned, while her older twin brother, Nagumo Kaoru, the adopted son of the Nagumo family, was spending Christmas with them.

Additionally, since the holiday this year had consecutive days, according to the usual conventions, Principal Kondou asked that the school activities be kept simple. Of course, Chairman Serizawa did not hold any Christmas activities.

It would have usually just been girls… Chizuru had originally thought that, but Suzuka Sen and Suzuka Kosuzu, who she had good relationships with, also had three consecutive days off, so they had gone back to their hometown in Kyoto to spend Christmas, and Chizuru had just seen them off yesterday.

Then her friends from junior high school were apparently going to an event by their new high school to play with a group and some boys. Chizuru was also invited, but as she was the only student from another school, even she participated, she would still experience anxiousness [tl says stage fright… so w/e], so she didn't go.

In this way, the 24th became a day without any plans.

So, what were the boys at Hakuo Gakuen who had good relationships with Chizuru? She didn't know why, [but] she hadn't hadn't received any invitations from them. She had already asked her childhood friend, Toudou Heisuke, indirectly, but he had refused and said that he had something else happening that day. In addition to Heisuke, it appeared that everyone else had a similar reason.

( It was just, the "something" Heisuke mentioned definitely had nothing to do with other girls! Chizuru tried to persuade herself about this.)

(That's right… For 3 consecutive days off, everyone else must have their own plans. Yet I….)

Thinking this, Chizuru had a sudden realization. Because she had realized it was the Christmas holiday, she had a strong desire to spend it with someone, even though it was simply 3 consecutive days off… As long as it could be thought of as a normal weekend, it wasn't strange that there was nothing to do.

（——Hm. Although it's a bit early, the end of the year is approaching anyway, so it wouldn't be bad to do a lot of cleaning.)

Just as Chizuru thought that, she received a text message on her phone, with the sender being Toudou Heisuke. She thought he wanted to call her for something so she picked up her phone and looked at it——.

----------------------------

Subject: Danger

Sender: Heisuke-kun

Message: Even if something happens, don't leave home!

----------------------------

………………

Chizuru stared at her phone's screen and tilted her head in confusion. What danger would there be on a calm and peaceful Saturday afternoon? But if what Heisuke said in his text message was true, there apparently was some sort of danger 【outside her home】, which was why she had been told to 【not go outside】.

She tried to get him to reply about if he had made a mistake or meant something else, but she received no response. Although she did try to directly call him, she only received a voicemail.

(What should I do? Maybe something happened to Heisuke-kun…)

Anyway, let’s go to Heisuke’s house next door first. She thought about this while she recalled the content of the text message he sent.

(It's just next door… there shouldn't be any problems, right?)

Just as she thought that, a message notification rang out in the silent room. She hastily got to checking her phone, but its sender was not Heisuke. The sender this time was Okita Souji.

----------------------------

Subject: Because it's dangerous

Sender: Okita-senpai

Message: You're a good kid, so you should stay at home

----------------------------

(……Okita-senpai is also saying this, what on earth is going on?)

Just as she was feeling baffled from what was on her cell phone, the sound of a a message notification rang in Chizuru's hands again.

----------------------------

Subject: (none)

Sender: Saito-senpai

Message: Regardless of what happens, stay where you are and don't move

----------------------------

Subject: It's alright [basically the tl here can be interpreted as 'it's fine', or 'no problems']

Sender: Harada-sensei

Message: Just bear for it a while longer, and keep staying at home

----------------------------

What could be learned from the text messages received was that something was happening to everyone. And the contents were almost the same, Not only were the contents were almost the same, they were all instructions for her to not leave her home… However, Chizuru was incapable of honestly staying home as everyone was saying. She grabbed her coat and hurried towards the entrance, not bothering with how her shoes were only half-on, and only wanted to open the [front] door and go outside. Accompanying the sound of being hit by the door, Chizuru was then pushed back into the inner entrance [uh, something like that?].

"——Why!? Why!"

Chizuru re-confirmed that the door was already unlocked again, and once again tried to open it, but the door remained motionless. It was as if someone was forcibly holding the door from outside, deliberately making it impossible for her to open the door.

Since that was the case, she could just use her body to press against the entrance with all of her strength to push it open. Just as Chizuru was about to do that, a voice spoke from the other side side of the door.

"Yukimura, I'm sorry… I cannot let you go outside."

"……This voice is Hijikata-sensei!? Why are you here…. that doesn't need to be mentioned now, what happened?"

She was pushing against the door while speaking to him, but it didn't work due to Hijikata's suppression from outside.

"Just lock up all the locks…… stay inside your home. After that…… Until one of says you can open the door, absolutely do not…… open it….. for anyone of us….."

Then Hijikata's voice disappeared midway. At the same time, the suppressing heaviness on the entrance hall also disappeared.

"Hijikata-sensei——!!"

Chizuru used all of her strength to push against the door, and the heavy door finally budged a bit, so she squeezed through the crack in the doorway that large enough for a single person to pass through and went outside.

Then what Chizuru saw was——.

"You've finally come out? My wife, you're late."

Dressed in a bright red Santa outfit, while also holding a large white bag and a bouquet with dozens of roses, was Kazama Chikage.

Then there was Toudou Heisuke, who was tightly holding onto Kazama's legs, Saito, who was grabbing Kazama's arms from behind him, and Okita, who was watching the two with a smile.

There was also Harada, who was sitting not too far away, looking a bit helpless, and Hijikata Toshizou, who was sitting against the door, motionless.

"Uh…what happened? Also, why is Kazama-senpai here?"

""Of course, I came to welcome you to this young master's Christmas party at the Kazama family home!" [I couldn't figure out how else to say this… lol.]

"Then everyone else is…"

"They were seemingly trying to prevent me from approaching you, but that wasn't able to stop me."

"Um…. did I make a promise with you…?"

"Of course this is a su-r-p-is-e [the tl had サ。プ。ラ。イ。ズ to accentuate "surprise" i guess]. However since you've come outside, doesn't that mean that you have already prepared to go out with me? Then just follow me——"

As Kazama spoke, he extended his hand towards Chizuru, and upon seeing this, Heisuke immediately ran over.

"Hold it——！ Don't joke around——！"

"I didn't expect that so many of us wouldn't be able to stop him…"

"His strength is still as outrageous as before."

With a serious expression, Saito tried to pull Kazama away from Chizuru. Okita muttered helplessly.

"Is is possible that everyone saying that there was something they were busy with today meant…"

"Ah, that's right! In order to prevent Kazama-senpai from coming here, we started monitoring him in the morning!"

"I-I hope you're not misunderstanding anything. We were monitoring Kazama, not your home."

"Wait a moment Harada-sensei. Even though you are resting, please come and help me me—"

"I'll leave the physical/hard work to you."

"Hey, Yukimura! We'll definitely drive Kazama away, so just stay at home and wait!"

"Ahahahahahaha!! Even if you struggle, it will all be futile! My sincere love is incapable of being stopped by anything! Surrender to my power of Christmas!"

With six adults arguing in front of house and making a racket, it was inevitable… that passers-by would stop and whisper, while people nearby would open up their windows to watch the fun…

"Please….. Please stop stop it——！！"

Because she was feeling heartbroken from this argument that seemed like it would never end… and more importantly, since Chizuru was more concerned about her neighbour's gazes, she therefore suggested holding a Christmas party inside her home, which finally got both sides to call a temporary truce.

"Wait a second, where did all of this food and decorations come from?"

"Of course, this is the result of the Kazama family's efforts, so be grateful."

"I'll say this beforehand, we didn't invite you, and simply couldn't leave you outside and bother/cause trouble for the neighbours."

"Didn't my wife ask everyone to come inside together?"

"Nn… Is this the inside of Yukimura's home…" "Well, if we had planned to find a place to hold the Christmas party from the beginning, there wouldn't have been that commotion. Speaking of which, who was the one to suggest it?"

"The person who said that they wanted to stop Kazama-senpai's plan, was Heisuke."

"Hey, wait a sec! Souji and Hajime-kun agreed too!"

"……You guys, just shut up. I am rarely able/You are seldom able to spend Christmas with my wife [no subject in this part so I don't know who is referring to whom here], so just enjoy this day and this moment."

"For Kazama to say such kind words… then let's just enjoy ourselves as much as we can. Got it? Yukimura?"

"Yes!"

「Merry Christmas！！」

Christmas 2016.

Chizuru, who originally had no plans, happily spent Christmas with everyone until deep in the night.

END

----end---

original link (no longer works): http://www.otomate.jp/xm2016d3tm4m/cri_ssl.html

The tl I found said that Otomate themselves probably said "Unauthorised reproduction of the text and images on this website is prohibited." or something to that effect of that, which is one of the reasons why I don't make Otomate stuff rebloggable.

[umbracirrus]

(Somewhat late!!) WIP Wednesday!!💛

As I said a few minutes ago, not working this week has absolutely skewed with my sense of time and it didn't quite sink in that it was Wednesday until not too long ago! I had this sitting in my drafts ready to go lol. Suppose it's still technically Wednesday in some time zones even if it isn't here 😅

Anyway! Here's a scene from one of the next few chapters of The Perfect Storm! Balgruuf is struggling in this one - he's going through a rough time and is questioning some of his decisions... But he's got people looking out for him, even if it doesn't feel as though they are on his side.

Tagged by @your-talos-is-problematic 💛

---------

Had he been in the wrong?

That single question ran through Balgruuf's mind time and time again as he attempted to think of something to do as he held his head in his hands at his desk. A dull ache throbbed in his temples as his eyes felt sore through rubbing at them to keep himself awake, vision wavering as he attempted to bring himself around to doing something – anything.

He would have been busy handling paperwork surrounding upkeep of the hold's roads once weather conditions were to improve to keep his mind occupied, but almost as soon as he had gone to discuss matters with Proventus, the steward had promptly taken the documents away from him and told him to rest. To make matters worse, Irileth had agreed with him, and that had all but sealed his fate for that day.

Why did it matter to them that he looked tired? That he came across as haggard and decrepit? That he appeared to be 'on edge'? He was not expected to be taking any audiences or participating in any public duties that day – his appearance didn't need to be taken into account for what was needed to be done if it was all behind closed doors! To make matters worse, he was already at least a day behind on his responsibilities, and he did not want to come across as shirking his responsibilities to Whiterun.

But in the scheme of things, his most trusted had told him that he couldn't. That he needed the day 'for himself'. They had even managed to get his own children against him in the matter. He couldn't say no to all of them. He didn't want Frothar to pick up that it was fine to ignore those who were meant to help him, to guide him – he would one day be Jarl, after all, and he needed to set an example. And Dagny, he had never really been able to say no to her, she always managed to know what exactly to say to make him feel as though he couldn't go against her. Then Nelkir… he had pointed out that he hadn't looked as bad as he currently did but still had to take some days to rest… his youngest was smart for his age – if not a bit too smart.

Silently, he pinched at the bridge of his nose as he straightened his posture, before he forced himself up to his feet.

This wouldn't have even been happening if he hadn't paid off that fine… He couldn't have been wrong, could he? He had been cornered, and he had to choose between paying it off or Whiterun's safety… Elyse had to understand that he had little choice, surely?

Feet slowly dragged across the floor as he made his way over to one of his bookshelves, a yawn being stifled by the back of his hand as he reached out for a shelf and grabbed the first book his other hand could get a proper grasp of. He then backtracked, letting the book fall onto the desk with an inelegant thud, before correcting its position once he had sat back down.

A huff of air came from his nose as he glanced at the cover through bleary eyes.

The Book of the Dragonborn.

The Divines most certainly had a sense of irony.

[herotome]

Special Informal Devlog

Hi-ho, Wudge here! Aaaa. I missed the update last week... as we crawl closer and closer to release, it's become harder for me to write devlogs. I'm making progress every single day, and that makes me so frustrated that it isn't done yet, you know? 😭 Something something curse of perfectionism...

Anyway.

I thought I'd try something a little different with this post by chronicling a specific screen I've worked very hard on, from start to finish!

(Pictured: a preview of where we're gonna end up)

It all began on... August 2021?! Yowza, two years ago! When I posted a poll on tumblr and on itch about how I should handle flirt indicators. The votes were split 50/50 between two popular options, and I was able to surmise that yall would really, really love an option to toggle between the two.

It didn't take me long to figure out how to implement the toggle itself.

The following year (September 2022), I came up with the idea of putting in an illustrated tutorial on how my flirt indication system works - after all, poll participants had told me that they loved the idea and had never seen it before in other games. I was on a treadmill at the time, so I quickly doodled the idea on my phone. It looks like this:

Then when I got home, I did a rough pen draft to solidify the idea...

I worked on the digital version over the next 2-3 weeks, and asked my friends for help with editing the text to ensure clarity.

.... Then I took a looong break from the infographic to, uh.... write, edit, playtest the game, draw expressions for Griffin CG, draw expressions for the landlord, work on a new Clammy Lady sprite, playtest the game again, make all the characters blink, make the first glowing animation for Jade's powers, code in Griffin's CG expressions, stress about paypal making changes in my country, do concept art for upcoming npcs, write some more, playtest some more, draw a birthday picture for Dart, write devlogs every single week, make sure all my files were safely transferred to my new laptop before my old one completely died... etc.

So it was February 2023 by the time I came back around to try implementing the infographic in code :')

... It was functional, but no matter what I tried, I didn't like how it looked with everything crammed into one page.

... Then I got really sick... but after I recovered and did some more work (drawing, writing, playtesting, etc) I came back to the infographic with the intention to learn how to code pages in renpy.

Still didn't look phenomenal, but there's a whole lot more breathing room! This was in April 2023.

I took another "break" (worked on a million other things) and then... FINALLY... in late August 2023, just a few weeks ago, I had an art breakthrough!

I had garnered a better understanding of color and poses, and as a result my chibis became a LOT cuter! I was able to redraw most of them without too much hassle - whereas when I first started, it would take me all day to draw a single one.

I also drew custom heart icons (a plain heart, a golden heart, and a broken heart), figured out how to make text buttons look more fun and intuitive..

And here's where we're at now!!! I still need to draw eyes for Dart.... but I researched and absorbed a lot about screen compositions, and had a rather late realization that I could re-use backgrounds and assets I already have in the game.

That's it for the special edition. I'll update with more soon!

Stay safe and keep warm,

Wudge.

[eligobrrrrr]

Hi babes, I hope you're having a good day! For your ask game:

🐱 and 🦐

HAHA GET BOOPED BACK >:)

Anyways, Hi Chris! (Is it ok if I call you Chris?)

🦐 - tell me about a character or story that is giving you shrimp emotions right now

omg SO, I'm still very emotionally invested right now on Thurak, my dearest half-orc barbarian cus I'm still working on his story and properly writing it down, maybe do some comics on events I consider happen in-game but don't happen actually cus they're innately tied to his backstory (So character interactions, fights and stuff)

So Imma just write down a short-ish summary of his backstory just because I have to let it out somehow, it is consuming my brain like a tadpole (I am also severely breaking canon on some parts, probably)

Draft of Thurak's backstory under the cut

So Thurak was born in the surface (probably Waterdeep), son of a human man and an orc woman, they were happy as a family... for just 2 years.

Yeah so turns out a criminal organization (specifically the Iron Ring) had an eye on them and Thurak got snatched very young because of that. When he was about 2 years old he was brought to Skullport in the Underdark where he was raised by one of the high commands of the Iron Ring, a male drow whom is currently unnamed. He was tasked to raise him and turn him into an useful asset for them

This drow was his father figure growing up, teaching him how to speak and how to read (So Thurak's main language isn't common, is drowidic and undercommon), acting as a somewhat loving parent for him

His father introduced him to the concept of an arena the Iron Ring had to get him interested, slowly manipulating him to make him believe that he wanted to participate, and when Thurak was older his father started to get him to train to actually go into the arena

And Thurak did it ever so eagerly, becoming and absolute beast and somewhat of a star in there, earning the title of 'The Skullcrusher' (Because he was/is able to do that)

The Iron Ring is known in the Underdark for their slave trade, and in my version they use this arena as a showcase for some of them

His father actively tried to keep him away of all this slaves, mostly out of fear that they would undo all the hard work he put into manipulating him when he saw their condition (cus he lied to Thurak telling him that every warrior chose to be there)

Unfortunately he couldn't stop him and he became friends with someone there, and, well, Thurak told his father about his friend, father went "Not in my watch" and to be a lil bitch he arranged a deathmatch between the two of them

Thurak is alive so you can imagine how it went

Back at home he returned to his father absolutely fuming, basically screaming at him how he could let something like that happen, how dare he let something like that happen, father just responded like "Take it as a little lesson, don't get close to those people, now now, join me for dinner," Thurak was obviously enraged by this, still screaming at him, so his father threatened him that if he didn't behave he would throw him with the rest of his "friends" as he put it

Thurak snapped at him, almost punched him, got stopped by one of his father's bodyguards and he was, in fact, thrown with the rest of the slaves, telling him that he was very disappointed of him and to take this as his punishment. Thurak went from living in luxury to the slumps basically

He was bitter and angry and sad, he had, so many conflicting emotions at that point. There he met more of the fighters, and they slowly but surely started making a break out plan

Some time of planning passes (could be months could be a couple of years) and with Thurak's knowledge of the arena both in and out they managed a plan to break out and leave Skullport and the Underdark for good

Long story short, they succeeded, not everyone got out but most of their team did

So they returned to the surface, becoming something akin to a caravan, travelling from city to city, Thurak became one of the main protectors, he had to put to use that strength for something

They unfortunately were in Baldur's Gate at the time of the Nautiloid snatching, so Thurak (and other people from the caravan) got taken

This is some in-game event notes (This is Thurak as a companion stuff basically):

Very minor notes, his main objective would be to find the other people who got snatched, slowly finding out along the way that for some god forsaken reason the Iron Ring got somehow involved with the cult of the absolute (through the underdark slave trade)

His 'final boss' would be his father basically, still working on that interaction

He canonically is a wild magic barb and there are some lore stuff that made me point to his magic surges being probably netherese magic

Mostly cus Skullport is built atop netherese ruins and the tadpole probably awaken some residual power Thurak was carrying with him

SO YES, that is all my notes from Thurak's backstory

He is making me go absolutely mental I love him sm I need to do more stuff with his story (as in write, art, etc.)

Anyways thank you for the ask! I love talking about my silly (sometimes not so little) guys!

[mariacallous]

Now that I'm home, face wiped off, bra off, changed into pajamas, let me tell you about this dogshit meeting.

First, some context: I've mention our overall team director, the one who's been on vacation for easily a month and a half of the total time I've been working for the city (since the end of Feb) and who also as a Reasonable Accommodation to work from home outside of the permitted 2 days per our union and the pilot program the city launched so some weeks she's literally only in the office one day, and then she has so many meetings it's hard to actually discuss anything. She shifts meetings and calendar events all the time.

She is constantly unprepared for meetings - emails sit for months and documents and memos also linger - and she's not only always talking about how overwhelming her email is, but she lets people know *in the meetings* that she is *just at that moment* reading the email or document being discussed.

My boss and I have sent several items to her that didn't get any responses (unless and until we cornered her in the office when she's in the office) and on that Big Project I'm still technically waiting to hear whether it's moving forward, she's been a bigger obstacle to our making progress and doing things than both NYC OMB and the budget and migrant crises, which is saying something. She's one of the biggest reasons why we've had to keep adjusting our plans and the work we're trying to do and she keeps either not paying attention or not being clear with us so we're constantly struggling. It's to the point where our other agency partners are openly asking me "Do you even want to work on this? Are you actually prioritizing this? It's a little ridiculous that we have other offices and divisions asking us to participate and you all keep holding things up and not doing anything".

All this to say that today was our monthly coordinating meeting with two of our key other partners in the agency. We have a lot of projects or topics that we needed to discuss and make decisions on.

Things get kicked off with the bulk of one of the other partner teams not being available, so we were initially going to try to shift some things. Then we got someone and could move forward with the original agenda/list of topics.

Y'all...she was the one who put the agenda together. And she made it very clear that she had basically not read or ignored the email (which I flagged for her! Yesterday!) that the other partner team's lead had sent with all of the details. So she was asking for him to provide and go over stuff that is not only in the email, which I flagged, but which is also now at least a month old from when it was originally sent. And we didn't make a decision. She and I apparently are going to "discuss" this and "get some insight" from program teams in our office/division and then come back.

We then moved on to the next topic, and she was a little incoherent and mentioned the memo that I and my boss and another coworker put together which she has decided now needs to go to senior leadership and which she is editing. A memo that was sent to her *in July*, I want to emphasize. And, again, no decision.

The next topic was The Big Project. And the other team's lead directly asked "Have you guys done anything like we discussed?" and she floundered and I had to jump in and tell him what I'd told him separately, which is no, because we'd been told we were waiting for xyz from senior leadership and so nothing has moved forward except the draft stuff I sent to senior leadership a few weeks ago. And then my boss mentioned the changes we'd made and my boss completely, again, either hadn't paid attention to the emails or wasn't agreeing with us and hadn't let us know until then so she started trying to go back on things and make further changes and I almost lost my shit but fortunately I was muted on the call so no one heard me.

And now tomorrow my boss has scheduled a meeting with me, her, and the overall team director to make sure we're all on the same page. I told my boss that I'm hesitant at this point because of the issues we've had with the director and the other obstacles involved. I also flat out said "If she could read her email and be prepared in advance, it would help. Because this was embarrassing."

[aishangotome]

Main Story Chapter 16-15: Before the Storm (暴雨來臨前) | Light  and Night 光與夜之戀

Chapter 16-13

♡———♡

From that day on, my office was temporarily relocated to SONDER.

Every day, Group A would send me design drafts for review and notify me in advance of important meetings so that I could participate online.

During this time, I focused on preparing my entry for the Youth Design Competition.

Another all-nighter. I woke up at my desk, tore open a package of instant noodles, and poured in some hot water.

You: I think I dreamed up an idea, but I can't remember it now that I'm awake...

For this competition, I didn't choose any of SONDER's popular characters as models. Instead, I chose an obscure little robot named Jude.

Actually, when he first appeared, he wasn't called Jude. He had a forgettable serial number.

He was born in a robot village. Perhaps due to an error during production, Jude had a beating heart, unlike other robots. Naturally, he could laugh, sigh, and get angry from a young age.

Life in the robot village was monotonous and dull. Every day was either work or sleep. Even though every second was scheduled, Jude still felt deeply lonely.

He wanted to leave and have a completely different life. He told the whole village about this idea, but they couldn't understand. They said, "We are tools, and this is where we belong."

Jude's plan almost got the entire village in trouble, and he was nearly destroyed. Looking at the boiling molten steel in the furnace, for the first time, he felt that being melted was no different from life outside.

In the end, he was saved, but Jude didn't know if he was lucky or not. A rich man in the city bought him. From that moment on, he had a new task: taking care of the rich man's daughter, who had a congenital heart condition.

That day was a turning point in Jude's life.

He had never imagined such a beautiful house existed. The cream-colored exterior, five stories high, the vast estate, and the lawn – it all fascinated him.

From afar, he saw a girl running towards him. She had clear eyes and wore a fluffy white dress.

She reminded him of an angel. Even though he had never seen one, this was how he imagined an angel would look.

The girl's smile made Jude feel overwhelmed. He lowered his head in fear, forgetting all etiquette, unsure whether to squat or kneel. The girl had already taken his hand.

It was such a soft and warm hand, completely different from his own segmented metal fingers. So this was what humans were like.

Being gently touched by her, Jude suddenly felt a wave of sadness. He was ashamed of his ugly, cold body. "I'm just a tool, I don't deserve to be held by you," he thought.

"Are you a superhero? In cartoons, superheroes look like this after they transform," the girl asked him.

Jude looked up in surprise and saw a pair of crescent-shaped eyes. So he smiled too. For the first time, he boldly said, "I am."

The girl cheered, holding his hand, "I finally have a friend! And he's a superhero!"

"Do you have a name?" the girl asked. Jude shook his head and regretfully said he only had a serial number.

"Then from now on, your name is Jude."

Jude. When you say this word, you have to pout your lips and drag out the ending sound. He repeated it silently many times, his heart suddenly beating a little faster. He thought, "I have a name now."

After that day, Jude started his working life.

He was a reliable servant, not only taking good care of the girl's daily life but also standing up for her when she was bullied or in danger.

He could tell many bedtime stories, sing, dance, and cook delicious carrot dishes. He was practically omnipotent.

Except for one thing: he wasn't human. Whenever he thought of this, Jude would feel particularly lonely.

But he learned his lesson and never told anyone. He knew that telling would only make him sadder and make others laugh at him.

All of this was seen by a little girl, who volunteered to be his teacher.

The first lesson was to learn to read and write. But Jude couldn't hold a pen. He looked at the girl with embarrassment, feeling that he was really stupid.

The girl wasn't angry at all and continued to teach him patiently. One stroke, then another, and it was the character for "person."

Jude nodded as he felt a pang of sadness. He thought, it turns out that there are still people who don't just see him as a tool, there are still people who understand him.

He used all his free time to practice.

Unconsciously, Jude learned to write, even though the words were as ugly as bugs. He learned to dress, to fish, and to imitate the handwriting of the girl's father to sign her test papers.

The girl promised Jude that when he truly became human, they would be together forever.

As the years passed, the girl's life was no longer just her parents and Jude.

She learned that robots couldn't become human. She apologized to Jude for her childish promise. She no longer needed his protection. She had grown up.

Jude became idle, and every time he looked at the beautiful cream-colored walls, he felt a boundless loneliness. In this loneliness, he wanted to be human even more.

He worked twice as hard at his studies, harder than ever before. Gradually, he felt almost human, except for the fact that he couldn't cry, and the occasional need to overhaul his body.

But he could never learned to cry, no matter what.

Once, he even smashed one of his arms, but failed. He looked at the bare metal wires in frustration and wondered if he would never learn to cry.

Many years passed. One day, he went to pick up the girl from school. As he turned the corner, he saw her kissing a handsome boy. Her eyes were closed, her face beautiful like an angel's.

A sudden buzzing filled Jude's ears. After the buzzing, he heard a "click, click" sound, the warning his body made when something was wrong.

But it was strange, he had just had his body checked the day before yesterday.

His cheeks suddenly felt wet, and Jude reached out to touch the traces of water.

Oh, it's tears, he thought. The warmth on his fingers brought him back to the day he first came to town. He had finally learned to cry.

He wanted to cheer, but the tears flowed more and more, seeping into the cracks, the parts cracking little by little, falling to the ground as he walked, and he felt pain.

But at the same time, he was surprised to find that he had grown wrinkled skin like a newborn baby.

He had finally become human. He should have felt joy, but the happiness only came for a moment and then disappeared.

Touching his beating heart, in the cool breeze, he suddenly missed the robot he used to be.

The story is still ongoing, and this is all we know about Jude's experiences for now. He's not even a main supporting character, so he only has a very small role every time he appears.

Yet, this insignificant character unexpectedly gained a lot of attention after his appearance. Even more surprising is that his fans are not SONDER's target audience - children, but adults.

I think it might be because his story is too boring and obscure.

It takes many years, after meeting many Jude's and striving to become Jude, to understand that his life is actually the greatest happiness an ordinary person can have.

Because life is boring and depressing, what you want is always out of reach, most efforts are not rewarded, and what you have is already being lost.

You might have even lost your heart full of hope in the day-to-day grind without even realizing it.

And in the end, after all the effort, is what you get really what you want?

This is why I chose it. But most importantly, it's because he looks like the boy in the cabin in Evan's office.

These days, I can't help but think of the scene I saw when I touched it that day. That must be Evan's past.

I don't know why he threw all the blocks into the fireplace. I tried to touch it again later, but I still couldn't see the cause and effect, only his hand tightly gripping the corner of his clothes.

I even had the illusion that he wanted to throw himself into the blazing fire.

Is that why he founded SONDER many years later?

I can't tell if Jude has anything to do with Evan, whether he designed him or if they just happen to look alike. After all, their lives don't seem to have anything in common.

But it's also possible that he's a side of Evan I haven't seen.

I can't help but think of when I first met Evan, his confidence and calmness made me think he must have grown up in a loving environment since childhood. Without love, one wouldn't grow up like that.

I never told him, but I envied him. I wanted to have that kind of demeanor too.

It wasn't until much later, in that illusion, that I understood what it cost him.

And then I understood why he always had a calm demeanor, as if nothing could ever anger him.

But when he smiled, even though his eyes curved, it made people feel like he wasn't truly happy. Lately, I haven't even seen that kind of smile.

Choosing this character and designing clothes for him, I have a little selfish motive. I want him to see it and feel truly happy for a moment.

I designed a fluffy jumpsuit for Jude, so he won't feel too cold when he touches himself.

I also added little red hearts on it, with mini light bulbs inside so his heart won't be lonely anymore.

The desk is piled with draft papers, but I'm always dissatisfied, wanting to do better.

One day, two days... Finally, on the seventh day, I got a draft that I was somewhat satisfied with.

You: I wonder if Evan will like it when he sees it? I want to make it right away!

I looked at the draft over and over again, and suddenly missed Evan so much. I want to see his smiling eyes, hear him talk about the origin of SONDER, and hear him praise my work.

I quickly sent a message to Evan, telling him that I was almost done.

The tightly closed curtains behind me were suddenly blown open, and harsh light poured in.

You: How is it daytime already?

I stood up, wanting to open the curtains to get some air, but my head suddenly felt dizzy.

My legs gave out, and the mug in my hand slipped -

You: !

The expected shattering sound didn't come. The next second, my waist was caught.

You: Evan?

The person who was just messaging me appeared in front of me. I blinked, thinking I was still dreaming.

Evan: You didn't eat or rest on time, did you?

I shook my head, about to tell him that I did, but then I sneezed. We looked at each other for a while and laughed.

Evan put me down on the sofa, his palm on my forehead.

You: I'm fine. I probably caught a cold from sleeping here last night.

Evan: Just a cold?

Evan: Do you remember what you promised me?

He sighed and crouched in front of me.

Evan: Why are you so disobedient?

Evan: Does your head hurt? Do you feel uncomfortable anywhere else?

You: No.

Evan: Wait a moment.

He closed the curtains and quickly left the office. He came back in less than half a minute, holding two steaming glass cups with dark brown sediment at the bottom. It looked like medicine.

Evan: It's cold medicine.

He crouched down again and gently stirred the cups.

The steam floated between us, blurring his features. Everything around us was quiet and hazy.

Evan: Okay, it's not too hot now. Drink it, be good.

You: Okay.

I obediently took the cup. It was indeed warm to the touch.

You: It's so bitter!

Evan: It's good to be a little bitter, so you'll remember it in the future.

Evan: Will you dare to not rest well next time?

You: No, I won't.

Seeing me nod, he finally felt relieved and picked up the other cup, finishing it in a few gulps.

You: Do you have a cold too?

Evan: No, I'm afraid you won't drink it because it's bitter, so I'm accompanying you.

It's medicine, after all. Why would he drink it for no reason? Just because he's afraid I won't drink it?

I quickly finished the last bit of medicine and shook the cup to show him that I had drunk it all.

You: How did you get here so fast? I just sent you a message.

Evan: Am I not Doraemon?

You: What CEO calls himself that?

Evan: Why not? Want me to show you the 'Anywhere Door'?

His childish tone made me feel close to him. I can't remember the last time I saw him like this. Lately, Evan always seems to be burdened with something, not letting anyone in.

It's so nice now.

I glanced at the instant noodles on the table that had long since lost their heat and deliberately shook my head.

You: I don't want the 'Anywhere Door' right now. I want the 'Gourmet Tablecloth'. I can have anything I want just by saying it.

You: Can you do it?

Evan: 'Gourmet Tablecloth'... that's tricky. It's an old prop, I'll have to look for it.

I thought he was going to say I was being picky, but he unexpectedly played along.

You: I don't care, I want to eat delicious food.

Evan smiled and scraped my nose.

Evan: Forget it, I won't look for the prop. What Doraemon can't do, I can.

Evan: I remember you said you wanted to eat crabs before?

If I remember correctly, this was a wish I told him a year ago.

You: But it's just the beginning of summer, isn't it? Crabs are for autumn.

Evan: I said I can make you eat delicious crabs, do you believe it or not?

He raised his eyebrows playfully, his expression a little arrogant.

You: I believe it!

-

I was so happy that I wanted to jump up and down and immediately rushed to wash my hands, but half an hour later, I was stumped by a pile of delicate tools.

Silverware, scissors, spoons, long needles... If you didn't know any better, you'd think I was about to undergo surgery.

I tried to pick up a crab, but Evan suddenly reached out and took it from me.

Evan: The crab shell is sharp, it wouldn't be good if you hurt your hand. Let me do it.

I nodded and obediently sat beside him, watching.

Evan leisurely cut off the crab legs and claws, then cut off the ends of the legs, hammered the claws, and peeled off the shell.

He used a crab needle to push out the leg meat and placed all the crab meat in the bowl in front of me.

You: You're so professional.

Evan: I learned it when I was a kid, and I never forgot.

Evan: Eat the leg meat first, it will affect the taste if it gets cold.

I quickly scooped up a spoonful, dipped it in vinegar, and put it in my mouth.

You: It's so delicious!

After a few bites, I suddenly remembered that I hadn't shown him the sketches yet, but he seemed to read my mind and shook his head.

Evan: We'll talk after you finish eating.

He had been dismantling the crabs the whole time, and I was only responsible for eating, so I felt a little embarrassed and helped him pass the hammer or tissues.

We chatted casually, without any logic, sometimes talking about childhood, sometimes about middle school, but surprisingly, we always found some coincidences.

In our parallel years, we had so many similarities.

The fate of people can be really wonderful sometimes.

You: Evan, I've always wanted to ask, did you design that house?

You: It was very popular when I was a kid. I didn't expect it to be your original design.

Evan: Actually, I didn't do it alone. Someone helped me.

He didn't say who that person was, but the smile in his eyes made it easy for me to think of those few yellowed letters that accidentally fell into the water.

You: It's a pity that one swing is missing.

Evan: The swing must have been lost accidentally when we moved here.

You: Is that really what happened?

I thought there must be a story behind it, but I didn't expect it to be like this.

Evan: You're not thinking of making a new one for me, are you?

You: You read my mind.

You: I thought about it just now, like the cotton rabbit on Tianyu Mountain. Didn't we split it into two?

You: But then I thought, no matter how much I try to make it look the same, a new one is always new, and some traces can't be imitated.

You: Maybe it's good this way.

Evan: Don't feel sorry. That swing has gone where it should go.

I didn't understand what he meant, but his expression was indeed relieved, so I chose not to pry.

You: But speaking of which, I was really surprised when you started SONDER.

You: It's not just me, I don't think anyone would believe it if I told them that the CEO of Wan Zhen is also the CEO of SONDER.

Evan: You think it doesn't fit me?

You: Not really, I thought even if you had a side business, it would be related to finance or industry, I didn't expect it to be toys.

You: But now that I think about it, there's no should or shouldn't. Who says you have to do those things?

You: Even if you opened a pork factory, I could understand.

Evan finally couldn't help but laugh, his eyes curving.

You: It's so nice. I really envy you.

Evan: What about me is there to envy?

You: This might sound a bit cheesy, but I've always admired people who can always maintain their imagination.

You: Maybe imagination isn't the right word, maybe it's childlike innocence.

You: I saw an exhibition of miniature toys before, and the artist's words left a deep impression on me.

You: He said that as long as people grow up, common sense and fixed concepts will be sealed up.

You: Like we usually think that books are for reading, clothes are for wearing, and vegetables are for eating.

You: But when we were children, we could imagine freely -

You: Books are like layers of tall buildings, clothes are vast grasslands on the ground, and vegetables are like forests and mountains.

I think my expression must have been childish...

But he didn't laugh at me. Instead, he looked at me seriously, his hands stopped moving, and the expression on his face was warm, as if he had entered that miniature world with me.

Slowly, his gaze drifted away, until he was staring into space, lost in thought. I wonder what he was thinking about.

You: When I first arrived at SONDER, I suddenly thought of these words.

You: So of course I envy you.

You: You can handle so many big things and still run SONDER so well. You're really amazing.

Evan: I'm not as good as you say.

He suddenly lowered his eyes and stopped smiling, as if he had come back to his senses. His voice was so soft that I almost couldn't hear it.

You: What did you say?

Evan: Nothing.

Evan: If I told you that I started SONDER just to grab market share, would you be disappointed?

You: Huh?

Evan: So I'm just a successful businessman.

You: Weren't the SONDER toys designed by you?

Evan: Of course not. There are designers.

You: So you didn't participate at all?

Evan: I occasionally attend design meetings, but I only provide my own ideas and suggestions.

You: Did you participate in Jude's story?

Evan: No. That was written by the screenwriter.

You: I see. I thought...

Evan: You thought what?

You: I thought you created him based on yourself.

Evan: So now I'm not Doraemon, but a robot?

Evan chuckled. I looked at him for a while and shook my head.

You: You're still Doraemon. Jude's story is too sad and has no ending, so it's better not to be based on you.

Evan: Silly. His story ends here.

You: There's no continuation? What about after he becomes human?

Evan: He has fulfilled his wish, isn't that enough? It's a very fortunate thing for a person to live with a purpose and an ending.

You: But he wasn't happy after fulfilling his wish. He even missed being a robot.

Evan: After fantasizing, he finally began to face reality.

Evan: He knew he couldn't be with the girl forever. That's the price of fulfilling a wish.

You: Then is there any point in fulfilling a wish? He wanted to become human for the girl, wasn't it a loss?

Evan: Because what you gain and what you lose is never up to you.

He smiled, a smile of relief, as if he had told himself this many times.

You: Are you trying to say this is fatalism? That we must accept whatever fate gives us?

Evan: It's not exactly fatalism. I just think that getting anything is actually a fluke, and not getting it is the norm.

You: What if... he met another girl?

You: Or, a longing goal, a new hope.

You: People live their lives in pursuit of one hope after another, don't they?

Evan opened his mouth, as if he had something to say, but in the end, he just smiled. I could feel that he didn't agree with my point of view, but he didn't want to dampen my spirits.

Evan: That's a very nice wish.

However, his expression didn't show any longing at all. Instead, it was as if he had already seen the disillusionment after the beauty.

You: It's not a wish, it will happen. Because people are contradictory, they often don't understand their own hearts, and even deceive themselves.

You: But since it's deception, why not choose to believe it? Maybe it really exists.

Evan paused, and his expression suddenly became a little complex.

Evan: That's possible, but there's another possibility.

Evan: He tried, but he really couldn't find any other wish.

They are all sober, and because they are sober, they are calm, so they are willing to treat everything with gentleness.

But at this moment, he reminded me of the boy holding a screwdriver that I saw in the illusion. Because he was sober, he no longer had any expectations.

You: Evan, have you... have you ever experienced Jude's confusion?

He was silent for a moment and shook his head.

Evan: He will get used to it.

You: Get used to it?

Evan: With time, you get used to everything.

These words were truly sad.

But Evan focused on the task at hand, his expression still gentle, without the slightest change. It seemed that he had thought through this sentence clearly and had been doing so for a long time.

Have you gotten used to everything too? I stared at him, asking silently in my heart.

You: Actually, I always wanted to have a cabin like this when I was a kid.

After a moment of silence, feeling that the atmosphere was a bit heavy, I changed the subject.

Evan: It seems your family didn't buy it for you.

Evan poured a plate of crab shells into the small trash can on the desk.

You: Yeah, later I had the money to buy it, but it was discontinued.

You: I couldn't afford it when I liked it, and when I had the money, I couldn't buy it.

You: That's why, when you see something you like, you have to buy it if it's within your means, otherwise you'll regret it to death.

Evan: But what if one day you don't like it anymore?

You: At least you liked it at the time, and it's worth paying for what you like.

You: What about you? Don't you buy things?

Evan: Probably not.

You: Why? Don't you have the urge to possess the things you like?

Evan paused, unusually silent for a moment, then shook his head.

Evan: Maybe it's because I lose things easily.

I thought he would say that owning isn't the best option, or that it's due to his personality, but I didn't expect this to be the answer.

You: I've never heard you say that before.

Evan: You want the CEO to tell you about embarrassing things?

You: Can I hear it now? Just between us.

Evan: Actually, it's not a big deal now that I think about it. It's all from when I was a kid.

Evan: Like when I first started playing with blocks, I was always losing them and couldn't find the most crucial pieces, so I couldn't build anything.

Evan: Then there was a little rabbit that used to come and listen to me play the violin. I didn't take good care of it, and it disappeared.

Evan: Things like that happened, but it rarely happens when I'm older.

Evan: So you don't have to own the things you like. What if you lose them one day?

Evan: Standing here, watching, you know it may belong to you one day, but you don't know when that day will come.

You: What if that thing is a limited edition and will be snatched by others? Wouldn't you still want to own it?

He shook his head, his face again wearing that familiar, distant smile.

So compared to losing something after owning it, never owning it makes him more comfortable and at ease? Even watching it fall into the hands of others, the loss and regret are better than regret and anger.

I couldn't describe how I felt at this moment. I thought I should understand his words, but I didn't want it to be what I understood. Because that would be too lonely.

Evan: Eat the crab.

Unconsciously, he had already dismantled two more crabs, and the golden crab roe was placed in front of me, emitting an enticing aroma. He had been dismantling them for me, but he hadn't eaten a single bite himself.

I wiped my hands clean and picked up the remaining tools.

You: Teach me how to dismantle it. I'm a quick learner.

Evan: Put on the gloves.

He pointed his chin at the gloves in the toolkit.

Evan: First, use the scissors to cut off the crab's eight legs...

Soon I got the hang of it, and I put all the crab roe and leg meat I took out into the bowl in front of him.

Evan was stunned for a moment, then turned his head and looked at me with a smile.

Evan: Okay, that's enough for me. You shouldn't eat too much either.

Evan: Crab is a cold food, and eating too much will make your stomach uncomfortable.

You: Oh...

I lowered my head, and suddenly, as if I thought of something, I laughed again.

You: It doesn't matter, I'll eat less today. Next time, when I'm full of energy, we can eat as much as we want.

You: Anyway, autumn is coming, and we can eat together every autumn from now on.

Evan's hand, which was originally handling the crab shell, suddenly paused. He smiled but didn't say anything.

For a moment, only the sound of the small hammer tapping echoed in the room.

I lowered my head and took a sip of hot water. In the rising steam, Evan's face seemed a bit unreal.

Although he was still as gentle as ever, there was a bit of helplessness and compliance in this gentleness.

It was probably an illusion, but I felt that this compliance and helplessness should stem from some kind of guilt and regret, as if he was racing against time to help me fulfill my wish.

Guilt? I shook my head. How could I associate it with that? How could it be? If anyone should feel guilty, it should be me. He never asked me for anything.

You: Evan, do you have any wishes?

Evan: Wishes?

You: Yeah, besides becoming vice chairman, which I can't help you with.

He chuckled, understanding my intention, and shook his head.

You: I'm serious, think about it carefully.

Evan: Are you trying to help me fulfill my wish?

You: Of course, is there anything you want? Anything, as long as I can do it.

Seeing him frown in thought for a few minutes, I suddenly thought of something and immediately interrupted him.

You: You can't say things like "don't overwork yourself" or "eat regularly."

You: That doesn't count as a wish.

Now he was completely stumped, tapping his fingers on my forehead. I had guessed correctly.

You: Think carefully.

Evan: You win.

Under my insistence, he finally started to think seriously, resting his chin on his hand, staring intently ahead, his gaze gradually becoming vacant.

I leaned on my arms and looked up at him, watching him frown for a while, then suddenly smile as if he had thought of something, and then sigh again.

Evan: I don't think I have any wishes.

He looked at me apologetically, not perfunctorily, but genuinely. I was a little disappointed because I couldn't help him fulfill his wish, and also because he didn't have a wish.

You: What about when you were a child? Did you have any unspoken wishes?

Evan: ....

His eyes flickered, and he unexpectedly nodded, his expression somewhat nostalgic.

Evan: I did have one when I was a kid, but no one can fulfill it.

You: What is it?

Evan: I wanted the world to have no more rainy days.

You: That's too difficult! Only God can do that!

Evan: That's why I said no one can fulfill it. It was just a whimsical idea from childhood, don't take it to heart.

I fell face-first onto my arms. As expected of someone who creates creative toys, his ideas have always been wild. But thinking about it carefully, most of the time I spent with Evan was indeed on rainy days.

-

After clearing the table, Evan didn't leave. Hearing that I had finished the draft, he stayed to accompany me in finishing the initial sketch.

While I worked, he dealt with his own matters on the side. We didn't disturb each other, occasionally looking up to exchange a knowing glance.

Perhaps it was the cold medicine, but I started feeling sleepy after only drawing a third of the sketch.

Evan: What's wrong, are you sleepy?

You: A little, maybe it's the cold medicine.

Evan: Do you want to rest on the sofa for a bit?

I hesitated, afraid that I would lose inspiration if I fell asleep, but I was indeed sleepy, and continuing to draw might be futile.

You: Then I'll sleep for a while.

Evan took out a blanket from the drawer. After I took off my shoes and laid down, he folded the blanket in half and covered me with it.

You: Wake me up in an hour.

Evan: Okay, sleep.

Sleepiness quickly washed over me, and I fell into a dream.

Breathing rose and fell in the silent room. The girl seemed very tired, her body curled up.

You: Mao Ge, do you have any red glass diamonds? Give me some...

Evan: You're still working in your dreams.

Evan sighed silently, moved his phone a little further away, put the girl's hand back under the blanket, and tucked in the corner of the blanket.

You: You guys go ahead, I'm working overtime, five drafts in five days, capitalist...

Evan: ......

Evan: I... don't you hate Evan for treating you like that?

You: A little.

The girl's nose was gently scraped by Evan. She turned over and mumbled.

You: But there's no other way...

Evan was slightly stunned and subconsciously moved closer to the girl, determined to catch the other answer he firmly believed in his heart.

Evan: Tell me, there must be a reason, right?

You: ...I have to help him.

Evan suddenly heard a clicking sound echoing in the air. Yesterday seemed to be repeating itself, or perhaps time was rewinding.

Closing his eyes, it was as if he could hear her soft sobs from that day. It seemed like she had endless tears, and the tears seeped into the wound, the pain more intense than ever before.

Evan finally stopped hiding the expression on his face.

He slowly leaned down, one hand caressing the girl's soft cheek, not knowing what drove him to do so. The girl was still asleep, seemingly having a sweet dream, a slight smile on her peaceful face.

Evan stared intently, his breathing unconsciously syncing with hers.

He felt a little dizzy, the girl's mumbling echoing in his mind.

Caring comes quickly, but it also goes away quickly. One day, she will wake up and leave.

He suddenly thought sadly, if she opened her eyes at this moment, would she find that Evan was actually so unfamiliar?

The person you admire, care about, and forgive is not actually him. And he was so engrossed in playing that person.

Too close, the girl's breath on his face was hot. It reminded him of the firelight in the fireplace, which had also brushed against his face many years ago.

Time stopped inappropriately, and he was startled by the sudden surge of desire within him.

Evan straightened up, forcing himself to cool down quickly. The desire turned into melancholy, filling his chest.

Don't get any closer, he told himself. Don't get any closer.

Tick-tock - the clock hand moved, and Evan looked at the wall, only to find that the time was still stuck on five minutes ago.

He didn't know if he had been dreaming for five minutes, or if in those five minutes, he had entered the girl's dream.

But it was all over now.

A flash of scarlet flickered in his eyes. Evan placed his fingertip on the girl's forehead. Her body twitched, and a wisp of white light slowly floated out from her forehead.

Evan stared at the wisp of light for a long time.

-

I had a dream.

In the dream, Evan and I were standing on a small boat, surrounded by a boundless sea. The wind howled, thunder roared, and dark clouds hung low.

The boat tossed and turned, waves crashing violently against us, filling our vision with splashing white foam.

The shore was still a short distance away. We stood face to face, gripping each other's arms, trying to use the wind's power to dock.

However, on this ocean that felt like a beast's jaws, it was nearly impossible.

We could only hold each other tighter, fearing that if we were not careful, we would be crushed to pieces.

But something even more desperate happened. The boat was sinking little by little, and perhaps in a few seconds, we would be buried together in the sea. I looked at Evan in terror, constantly asking him what to do.

Evan: Push me over.

You: What did you say?!

The strong wind messed up Evan's hair. I couldn't see his expression clearly and could only hear his voice.

Evan: The boat is sinking, it can't carry the weight of two people. So, push me over.

You: What on earth are you talking about!

His tone was flat, even excessively calm. In the roar of the waves, it showed a strange tenderness.

Evan: This is just a dream, I won't die.

He brushed away the hair flying in front of my eyes and even smiled.

You: How do you know this is a dream?

Evan: Trust me, I'll be fine.

Evan: There's not much time left, push me over, okay?

His tone even made me feel like he was begging me. I didn't know if it was his sweat, seawater, or something else that streaked across his face, wet, with a slightly salty smell.

The little boat under our feet was already half submerged.

You: I don't want to.

Amidst the roar of the waves, my answer was very soft, yet loud enough for both of us to hear.

You: Didn't you say this was a dream? Then let's die together.

I couldn't help but feel scared when I said those words, but I restrained the trembling in my voice and gripped his sleeve tightly.

You: I can't bring myself to push you over. I just can't. Don't ask me again.

The sea breeze suddenly stopped for a moment, and the trembling under our feet also stopped for a moment. I saw the horizon where the sea met the sky behind Evan, revealing the fiery red outline of the setting sun.

So warm.

You: I don't know if it will hurt later.

I smiled, but I felt it was better to forget it. This didn't give us any comfort in any sense. I just squeezed Evan's hand harder and harder.

The fiery red light grew stronger and stronger, enveloped us in an instant, and finally returned to darkness.

Evan abruptly withdrew from the illusion. Perhaps it was too sudden, the sound of rushing water still seemed to echo in his ears.

He looked at the girl on the sofa beside him. Her brows were tightly furrowed, her hands clutching the blanket on her chest, as if she was both scared and suppressing something. That wisp of pearly white light had also returned to her body at some unknown time.

He didn't know why he wanted to hug her, but he did what his heart told him to do.

It wasn't until he pulled the girl into his arms that Evan noticed she was trembling. The trembling was very faint. She always seemed to be like this, never wanting him to worry even when she was scared.

A long sigh escaped Evan's throat. He patted the girl's back gently until her body relaxed slightly, then unfolded her clenched fingers and put them back inside the blanket.

Fingertips felt a sudden dampness. Evan raised his hand and discovered that the hand he had just placed on the girl's forehead seemed to have been slashed by some invisible sharp object, leaving a long, narrow wound.

Unlike the previous injury on the back of his hand, he almost immediately understood that this new wound would not heal easily.

Is this the power of God?

Her soul is so powerful, so can his plan be changed?

No need to become a vessel, no need to disappear, but to truly become a weapon.

It's just that she's too soft-hearted. It reminded him of a certain boy from a long time ago.

Before facing a real crisis, she must become stronger.

Evan gently moved his fingertips to the girl's eyebrows, wanting to create an illusion again. He hoped that in this new trial, she would make a different choice.

However, looking at those closed eyes and slightly trembling eyelashes, his hand paused in the air for a long, long time.

For so long that the girl's breathing became even again, for so long that his arm resting on the back of her neck started to go numb, he still didn't let it fall.

He thought, let's stop here for today.

It was already late, the sun had set, the sky was gloomy, and it seemed like it was going to rain. It really wasn't a good time.

Next time. He told himself this in his heart.

After all, there is still time.

.

.

.

.

.

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Chapter 16-17

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[nequittezpaswrites]

The Twilight Films: I have no memory of this place

As I tinker with the draft for Inter Vivos, I decided to watch the first Twilight movie for what I'm pretty sure is the first time since it came out in theaters. I have no idea where it's streaming these days and had no desire to find out and pay whatever subscription service has its rights this month, so I did this by purchasing the first three films on DVD at a thrift shop for less than $10.

For context, I was 16 when the movie version of Twilight came out. I read the first book probably in early 2006, and devoured the rest of the books as soon as they came out. I went to a book signing for the release of Eclipse in 2007, and at that book signing I wore a black t-shirt on which I'd written "I sparkle in the sun" in glittery silver puff paint. Stephenie Meyer read that shirt, and smiled a little and made a comment along the lines of "Do you?", and then she signed my books.

(Aside: I no longer possess these books. Once the book series was finished, I no longer had a fervent desire to see what happened next fueling my love for Twilight, and hating on Twilight became popular and a means of demonstrating that you were not Some Silly Little Girl pining after Sparkly Vampires. The signed copies were donated, so they've either found a new home, or are sitting among their fellows on the shelves of a Goodwill somewhere. Seriously. Go into any thrift store with a book section and you'll be able to find a copy of Twilight. Or, perhaps, any book that sits in a thrift store for over a fortnight metamorphoses into a copy of Twilight...)

I don't remember how I felt about the Twilight movie at the time, though I can guess I didn't like it as much as the book. I don't remember seeing New Moon or Eclipse in theaters, but I know that I must have, because I still have the ticket stubs. My Twilight ticket stub, alas, appears to have been tragically lost to time.

(Aside 2: I made a habit of collecting ticket stubs from about the age of 12-13 until things went fully digital and you stopped receiving physical tickets for anything. This is how I know I saw The Wombats in concert three separate times, and just rediscovered the fact that I possess an autograph from the late Morgan Spurlock on a ticket stub from a screening of his Comic-Con documentary.)

I have no memories of seeing the second and third Twilight films whatsoever. I'm positive that I never saw Breaking Dawn, because by the time it came out I was in college and was distinctly Too Old to Be Excited About Twilight. And, while I have participated in the "Twilight Renaissance" with fic and meta commentary, what little I delved back into the source material was strictly the books, not the movies.

Which is all a very long-winded way of saying that I went into watching this movie very, very fresh. I had no memory of this place. And so, now that I'm twice the age I was when I first saw Twilight, my thoughts on the first film:

The effects aged poorly. They can't have looked good even for the time period, right? The vampire running looks utterly goofy, the jumping is clearly on wires, there are shots where people are sort of gliding in such a weird way that they don't look inhuman so much as like they are standing on a treadmill.

All the meme-able lines deserved to be memed. I knew it was coming, and "the fluorescents" still made me laugh out loud.

The fashion was certainly... current for the time.

I've only read excerpts of the books in recent years, not done a full re-read, but boy, does all the stuff I found romantic in high school look like a parade of red flags now. I feel like this must have come across worse on screen than it did in the books. Surely. I hope.

Alice was barely in this film? I suppose she plays a larger role in later books, but I was surprised how little time she got here. I think Rosalie actually had more screen time. Odd.

I was pleasantly surprised by the chemistry. Yeah, it's awkward and stilted a lot of the time, but there are a few scenes where Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson seem legitimately drawn to each other, and it's cute.

In short, I had a good time, and look forward to watching New Moon so I can enjoy Michael Sheen hamming it up as Aro.

[trillscienceofficer]

☉ or ✄ ? I’m interested in your process

from the Fic Ask Game. Thank you!!

☉ what do you do when you get stuck writing? I wish I had a proper method for overcoming stumbling blocks (whether big or small) that I could share, but in reality it comes down to two scenarios...

I struggle with lack of motivation, so what I've been doing since 2020 is that I participate in fandom exchange events where there's a deadline and a person on the other side who's waiting for me to write them a fic, and that generally makes me actually work. It isn't foolproof though, I've been very very close to missing the deadline, which makes me panic and go into avoidant mode!

When I'm stuck on some aspect of a story I either complain on here or I talk to a friend about what's bothering me in what I'm doing or what I can't figure out. Oftentimes just the act of laying the problem out for someone else helps with making the gears turn again in my brain. This also isn't foolproof! Sometimes people will point out further problems that hadn't even considered, and then I'm in trouble. But most of the time it really helps.

✄ what’s your editing process? Here is another question for which I wish I had a methodology I could share... but I don't, because ultimately I'm not a methodical person, I think. When I write on a blank page I can't really put down something that's not somewhat legible already, I'm not a 'draft zero' person (I tried, it didn't work). I think I partly edit as I write, finish the chapter/story however long it takes (I'm slow, unsurprisingly), then next day I reopen the document and reread it to fix what I think it's not working. I've never really entirely rewritten a chapter/story in a separate document, though I often rewrite extensively and move things around a lot. When I'm done with that and I'm lucky enough to have found someone who offered to read over my fic, I send them the document, and then implement their suggestions. That's pretty much it.

I think what I write would be better if I did 'proper', multi-step editing, but I often... end up very close to deadlines with still a lot of work to do, and don't leave enough time for trying something different. That's definitely something I would like to change.

[fereldanwench]

I'm going to be obnoxious and presumptuous and tell everyone how to live their lives because I feel like the Cyberpunk 2077 fandom* has an endemic problem with this self-imposed expectation to post new ~*content*~ on a regular basis that is just not sustainable for like 95% of us. And as someone who has also, unfortunately, grappled with that anxiety even though I know it's silly, I feel compelled to tell everyone (myself included) to stop doing that to themselves and slow the fuck down.

(*Probably other fandoms, too--I have many, many Thoughts™ on how ~*content creator*~ culture has had detrimental effects on fandom on the whole, but that's a broader topic for another time.)

Participating in fandom is a hobby, not a grind. No one is going to be upset with you for letting your queue run out or missing a themed day. Nobody expects anyone to have multiple original posts on a daily basis. Your friends aren't going to forget you if you need to take a break. There is absolutely no reason to feel guilty or stressed because a real-life obligation has to take priority over a hobby.

Recognize the ebb and flow of your creativity so you don't burn yourself out. Give yourself the time and space to work on long projects and learn new skills, even if that can't come with regular updates. Let yourself be in the moment while you create. Savor your art--Stop asking yourself "What do I post next?" immediately after you finish a project. Take pride and joy in the work you've already made without wondering how you can make your next post even better.

Understand your limitations and accept that others might not have the same limitations you have. Someone who is single and unemployed is going to have more time to dedicate to learning virtual photography than someone with a family and a full-time job. Someone with chronic fatigue is going to have a harder time churning out fic than someone without that condition. Don't compare your output to someone else's. We all have different creative processes, different backgrounds and skills, and different demands on our time and energy.

What works for me to break out of this mindset might not work for everyone, but these are the 3 main things I find helpful to keep me from succumbing to the darkness:

Intentionally break a streak Have you been posting every single Thirsty Thursday for the past 6 months but are having a hard time keeping up currently and feeling stressed about breaking the streak? BREAK IT. Skip one. Even if you have a post, schedule it for the following week. It'll feel wrong at first, but on Friday you'll realize it didn't matter, your friends are still here, and you will no longer be beholden to this inconsequential posting requirement that exists only in your head.

Revisit old posts/drafts/WIPs/outtakes Go through your old stuff! Let yourself enjoy what you made in the past. Reblog it so new friends and followers can see it. Remember what it was like to work on it and the sense of accomplishment when you finished it and what you learned from it. You might even get a bonus and find yourself inspired to revisit an idea or create a new take on it.

It's an obnoxious cliche at this point, but yes: touch grass Online fandom spaces have been a cornerstone of my social and creative circles for over two decades, so I am not by any means suggesting that there is no value in spending a lot of time here. But you absolutely need to take breaks from your devices and reconnect with the physical world or you will go nuts. Go for a walk, spend a day outside with friends or your pets, pick up a tangible craft like coloring books or journaling--Just find something to get you away from your computer and phone.

tl;dr - Creating in fandom should be fun and enjoyable and a reprieve from all of this shit, not an extension of it. There's absolutely no reason to put this burden on yourself to be some superfan posting new work 37 times a week. If you're in the zone and you've got that flow, roll with it, of course, but don't feel like it always has to be like that because it won't be. And that is completely fine.

[dairy-farmer]

Hi! I love reading your work 😊. I have an idea 😃. Imagine Tim as a gold-digger. He's always been more into being filthy rich with practically no work. He loves being rich!! And then his mommy and daddy die and he can't access the trust-fund until he's 18. He can't handle that!! He's so used to expensive things, he doesn't want to eat cheap frozen meals you heat up in the microwave and drink alcohol from convenience stores!! So he decides, (Jason doesn't die here please 🥺) he's gonna bag a wayne (adoption or boyfriend, either way he is happy.) Or he'll trade his secret for a life of lavish.

no because listen if tim were only SLIGHTLY more selfish a lot of the bad things that happened to him would've never have occurred. tim is a very out-of-the-box thinker with a rich determination and a dedication to seeing things through. if he didn't have such a heart of gold he'd have lived a very different life and honestly tim could've been a very spoiled child (maybe he is in some ways that we don't see?). at 14 both his parents die and he has just enough ingenuity to fake a drafted will in his father's office about an uncle who will care for him. and tim's dad and lawyer had always been very close so even though the will isn't enforceable they put tim in the custody of his 'uncle' rather than the state.

but there is no uncle. and what little money tim found around the house and that he had tucked away will run out.

tim knows he won't survive until 18 with his usual standard of living (if he sticks to cheap boxed mac and drinks filtered water he'll make it but he'd rather DIE than do that).

tim knows he's pretty. he has a cute eyes and a nice voice and while his parents were out of gotham he'd sneak boys back to the house every other day.

tim would pick boys from the 'other side of the tracks' boys fucked hard, fucked fast, and bossed tim around because they loved riding the high of fucking some little future socialite and getting their dirty paws all over them.

gotham academy boys all loved to brag and the last thing tim wanted for the rumor mill to spit out that he was a slut that banged a different boy each week.

what could tim say?

he liked the way cock felt hammering into his little pussy.

tim doesn't mourn his parents in the typical fashion. he's sorry to see them go, he misses them fiercely but at the end of the day they'd never really known tim. and he hadn't known them.

tim was sure if they were still around they'd be in support of his endeavors. they'd always wanted the best for tim. indulged him and provided for him in ways most people could only dream of.

tim knows they loved him. as distant as they may have been. tim knows they wanted to provide for him and make sure he lived and safe and comfortable life, that much was evident from the amount of zeros sitting in a trust for him.

all he had to do to revel in that love was survive until 18 without giving up the life he'd grown used to.

tim was a little spoiled he knew that. you don't get used to the finer things in life and NOT come out a little spoiled.

if anyone could attest to that it was the waynes whose lavish and luxary never failed to astonish even the most seasoned socialite.

waynes.

well now there was an idea.

bruce wayne was still a bachelor. he had a son that lived outside the city that rumors said he was estranged from. he had another son that went to tim's school. jason todd. tim had heard rumors about him, he'd been a hot button topic when he'd been adopted.

but he was also a loner- he didn't even participate in afterschool extracurriculars.

tim has the beginning of a plan of an idea. he's a sad, poor (very poor) little orphan who is only scraping by with the yearly payout to his "uncle" for his care. he's a very pretty, sad little orphan with the best pussy the east of gotham.

tim knows that if his mother and father were around they'd smack him over the head and scold him to high heavens for even thinking of being a good-for-nothing golddigger.

but tim's in a sinking boat.

and if being a good-for-nothing is what we'll get him out of his leaking raft and onto the yacht passing by- he'll do it.

[amysnotdeadyet]

2023 in review

Just the fannish creations, thanks. I don't want to think too hard about how fucking weird and stressful the year was outside of that. XD

I found some old 00Q art hiding on my hard drive and posted it in Feb.

I wrote a short Inception ficlet for @ladyprydian in April to try to jumpstart my muses. It didn't work.

I binge-wrote a whole-ass Sandman fic with (gasp!) fade-to-black porn in it in May.

July brought the Stony games! I was much less prolific than last year, but I managed a few things, starting with 3 little drabbles about perception.

I did a giftfic for the games! It starts in media res and I, being a troll, titled it In Pornia Res because yeah, this one's just pure porn against a background of worldbuilding.

I posted a longstanding WIP that was 100% self-indulgent trash, with Tony and Steve getting Bucky as their new sugar baby and treating him them right. Absolutely just the fluffiest of trash, but 66K of it!

I posted another longstanding WIP that's really pre-slash (I KNOW so weird) but involves catboy Tony, catboy Bucky, and a puppy Steve who's gonna get both (after the fic anyway).

My last little Stony Games fill was 8-bit pixel porn, because of course it was.

Later in August I did the "write what you want to see" thing and banged out (heh) a very kinky Stranger Things fic with Steve/Eddie and a leather bar. Somehow, it's still extremely fluffy.

I drew! Fanart! With pens and shit! Also Steve/Eddie.

And then I made pixel art of them, because why not.

Another Steddie fic, this time a modern AU with 'lost touch' feelings and also banging the rockstar in his hotel room.

And finally, my MTH2021 fic is posting a year late, and will continue on into the new year. It's all done and edited, I just like the daily posting method for getting drip-fed dopamine and also sitting there posting 29 chapters at once is no bueno.

You can find all of this stuff here, so I'm not link-stuffing the post: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swtalmnd/works

What's Coming in 2024 (besides my blorbos)

I have a few more Stuckony WIPs waiting in the wings, including my MTH 2022 fic, which I hope to finish in time to actually participate in 2024.

I have at least 1 novel coming out and maybe 2? I didn't publish ANY original fiction last year (gah), but I finished 1 draft (the sequel to Hive) and am plodding along on 2 more (Julian 4 and something new). I am so slow these days, tho, gah. I have no idea how some people put out multiple books a year, year after year.

I've got a few more Eeveeon arts to share, which I always forget to do on Tumbls.

I might actually open commissions next year (for art, I don't enjoy fic commissions).

I'm gonna a Stuckony Valentine thing, so you'll get at least one short fic from me in Feb.

I'm hoping something new will sweep me into its fandomy arms, because while I do love my current blorbos (MCU & Stranger Things), neither one is really doing the full fixation dance in my brain and that's sad. OTOH I'd like to finish my MCU WIPs before that spark fully dies ahahaha haha ha.

As far as art goes, I'm keeping up my Patreon sketch cards and not a ton else, but my new-new meds are helping me Get Shit Done, so I'm really hoping that I can get back into larger-than-a-playing-card artwork, both fannish and non.

I'm still gonna do more of my 8-bit bullshit, though.