#i straight up wanna kill myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ashmp3 · 5 days

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i had a wonderful coffee date with virgo bestie and we were making plans. she is a scientist always going to conferences you know how it is my busy smart woman BUT we literally pulled out a calendar and went…. Maybe we should go to Milica Pavlović concert together (i already went once lmfao) and yeah i think it’s a plan 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ aaand maybe some fun plans in august but nothing is confirmed yet 🧿 oh i love summer so much you guys

#i already have plans in june and so does she and it’s literally one weekend we are both free and it’s micy p concert date #and i was like yk what might as well….#i need to get tan i hope the beach in my city is finished up like come on now….#but yay. I need to set my priorities straight i am all over the place mentally but okay baby steps i just don’t wanna kill myself #tt

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definitelyjunehomestuck · 8 months

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yknow it's great being substantially more prepared to operate in an academic space than the first time around, but college still makes me want to walk slowly into the ocean and never turn back

#june speaks #like it's great that i don't wanna straight up kill myself this time but this is still miserable regardless of that #but i'm like 90% sure it's just that i'm former gifted kid n never developed the habits needed to do school things the right way #THAT'S why this is so miserable #i'm still attempting to exist in a space i never adapted to. i'm just not struggling with mental illness this time #but hopefully that last parts means i have time to adapt

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whiskingskin · 4 months

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My mental health be so good and yummy tasty and then I remember I have to pay rent. Then I remember I have to buy groceries. Then I remember I need to buy gas. Then I remember I need to pay my car insurance. Then I remember I need to pay my renters insurance. Then I remember I need to pay for my cats food. Then I need to pay for my cats litter as well as some toilet paper for myself. Oh shit we're out of detergent- lemme run yo the store and pay for some more cleaning supplies. Oh, but our garbage disposal is broken, let me pay the maintenence man to come fix it. Did you want to have a treat after work? I hope you can afford it. Did you want to work at this place you're passionate for doing something you love? Sorry- we're only open 4 days a week, so you'll need a second job to pay your rent. Don't forget, your family and friends have birthdays coming up! Get them a present so you're not a bad friend. Or make them one- what do you mean you don't have the energy? Dont forget that the new canvas will cost 6.99! Shoot, you're depressed? Luckily, your therapy is only 200$ an appointment- you can pay that, right? And your life saving medications, of course! That'll be 850$- yes, that's with your insurance included. Don't you want to feel better? Please dress better- you're not being very professional. If you can't afford to dress professionally maybe you shouldn't be working professionally. Yes, a laptop is required for this position, but it would be in your best interest to buy it yourself. No, we don't have these hours available for you, even though I just told you how understaffed we are. What do you mean you don't want to work? What do you mean you don't want to pay?

If you're not paying, what are you doing? Stop.

#i hate it here #im a teacher btw. teaching is my passion and i would work even if i did not get paid #but bitch we are getting paid and crazy news its not enough #this morning i woke up so excited to pay rent because i was paid same day and its a lot more convenient to my brain #and yet! and yet. i did not get paid enough. i did not get paid enough <3 and i never will <3 #this is the job ive been happiest at. i love my coworkers i love my boss i love the environment i ENJOY GOING TO WORK #but theres no damn point if i dont get paid enough to sustain my home #i dont think i can handle another job. even my previous job was too much #but it paid better at least #so i can either be happy? or i can afford to pay my bills #idk how to ask for help inna way that isnt straight up texting my boss “hey listen if i come in today im straight up gonna kill myself”#because what the fuck #im happy. my default mood is joy. even looking at bathroom tiles makes me pleased with how nicely they are lined up #aND YET I WANNA RIP MY OWN ORGANS OUT AND EAT THEM!!!! I WANNA FUCKING DIE I WOULD RATHER DO SO THAN CONTINUE IN THIS DYSTOPIA AAAAAAAAAAGH

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gods-favorite-autistic · 9 months

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TUMBLR. I SEARCHED UP THE WORD BIPOLAR NOT “I’m gonna kill myself” WHAT THE FUCK

#just because I’m bipolar doesn’t mean I wanna kill myself???#this might be helpful for other people but like. just let me look up bipolar #maddy’s thoughts (taken straight from the brain)#tw sui talk #tw sewerslide #bipolar

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lightningfilledsaber · 10 months

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I'm just so fucking glad to be alive

#mud rambles #suicide ment in tags #I'm really emotional right now #I was so close to killing myself a year and a half ago.#fuck. almost all of 2021 and a good portion of 2022 i was actively suicidal #I'd started self harming again after being clean for YEARS #I hated myself and my body again after all the fucking work I did to build myself up #all over people who treated me like fucking garbage and literally USED me #now I have friends who actually give a shit about me. who are straight up with what they want out of our relationships and where we stand #I'M FUCKING ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!#I'VE BEEN WITH MY FIANCE FOR 5. YEARS. AND WE'RE ENGAGED!!!!#I've been on T for almost a full year!#I don't dread waking up every fucking morning and while it's still hard. things are still happening and sometimes it sucks...#I don't wanna kill myself anymore #despite it all #I'm so fucking glad and grateful to be alive

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sunhalf · 1 year

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made some very minor rules updates! the main one :

i won’t fill out interest checkers or send in rules passwords; it just feels quite formal for what is, to me, a very casual hobby! if we’re mutuals, I WANT TO WRITE WITH YOU — & as king of pulling AUs out of thin air, there’s almost never a time where i can’t or won’t write with a particular muse. just assume i’m up for anything & i’ll communicate my boundaries if they come up!

i totally understand the appeal and, especially for folks who can be anxious about approaching others, the comfort of having it in writing that a mutual wants to write before reaching out, but — well, if i didn't want to write with you, i wouldn't be following!! please assume me following is me jumping up and down with glee at the prospect of writing with you. my rules specifically beg mutuals to send me unprompted asks / starters / etc., and that applies to all of you and all your muses! i don't need to know a ton about your muse / their fandom / their world etc to party hard, and some of my favourite dynamics have come about from somebody just chucking a starter at me and being like 'x and y are friends now and here's the starter to prove it.' i am always down, and trust me when i say that if there was a muse on your blog i simply Could Not Stand To See Or Write With the chances of me following you in the first place are ~ 1%

#anyway i love being loosey goosey w all things rp. plot. characterization. shipping! its all for fun #TBH while total strangers should run romantic shipping by me before jumping in if we've chatted at all #and u wanna throw me a starter that assumes our muses have been besties for 6 years / are exes / once killed a guy together #party hard. go crazy. i think its fun!!!#and if we're friends just straight up forceship w me i dont care GHKFLDSHGDHKSHKFDHKS #write me a starter that begins 'after 6 months of flirting' ill get w the program #its all just a good time babyyyyyyyyy #bringing it back 2 the actual rules update djslghfksgdf sorry i got off track #its 100% fine also if this feels untenable 2 u!!! if that rule makes u uncomfy (or any of my rules do!) that is so so so fine #neither of us are jerks we just have different ways of approaching rp and that is a-okay!!! i wish u so much luck and joy #and i also wish myself those things!#mutual checkers sorta remind me of the uh....what were they called. the like forever starter calls?#'like this if i can always send u memes/write u starters'#cos i was just like 'is that not what being mutuals means'

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dhampir-dyke · 1 year

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HOLY FUCK.

#FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 15 YEARS? I DO NOT WANT TO KILL MYSELF.#I HAD A REALLY BAD AND WEIRD PAIN IN MY ABDOMEN AND MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS 'hahah hope it finally kills me' BUT MY SECOND #INSTINCTUAL THOUGHT WAS 'I wanna live' WHAT THE FUCK? THIS IS UNHEARD OF FOR ME #I have been passively-but-mostly-actively suicidal since i was like 6. i have tried killing myself so many times i have lost count #i have held the loaded gun in my hands- wondering if i should just say 'fuck it' and traumatize whatever poor bastard found my corpse #i have gotten into NEAR DEATH accidents and GOT MAD WHEN THEY DIDNT KILL ME #I havent felt the will to fucking live in so long it straight up startled me. i jumped out of my chair when i realized what id just thought #i dont even know what to think...... ITS NOT BAD. just so weird and unsettling.#im so used to having suicide as a backup plan. it still is dont get me wrong- it always will be #ive just never wanted to NOT opt for that as plan A before

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airbenderedacted · 2 years

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I love you too!!! /p For the record I also listen to will wood I’m just not a superfan and I haven’t listened to the album because I didn’t have the energy to listen to new music yesterday,,, But anyways yes idk I just remember you talking about listening to will wood a while ago and you were like “I’m a gay little spinel kinnie of course I do” so maybe I had those words subconsciously in my mind… but in any case I . I just wanted to tell you everything will be okay . Because I know you have been sad in the past :( . And being a spinel kinnie if it’s for trauma is inherently sad HASHJSNAD. Anyways goodnight or good morning depending on when you see this. Rest well buddy💗💗💗

"I'M A GAY LITTLE SPINEL KINNIE OF COURSE I DO"

#IMN SIRRY YSYHGS BJNMS IM SORRY I READ THAT PART AND IT SENTM #JKSDFHGVSD NM E SO BAD I LIKE/ .#i think ym whole brain exploded just the inherit humor of that is GODLY im scvreaming #idk what it was i SAID but you remembering it like that is killing me it's jkllk BGHVDFJMK #HELPa #crying that made me completely unable to read the rest of ur ask for like. the past IDK mins straight hjsefhjskjs #BUT ANYWASY UM! okay yeah no i've been doing really well like emotionally and healthily and academically these past few months!!!#i think it so very WILL be okay YEAH!!!! 😄 <3333 that's really nice of you to wanna send me ty <333333 #(bc god yeah i was . fucked up SO BAD the beginning of the year. and also for a decent while prior to that. The Foreshadowing to the hrtgh)#(BUT IT'S FINALLY ENDEEEEDDDD YEYAGHDHAAHHHH and it better stay that way god (it probably will lol i've fixed like. a Lot of Thimngs👍💖))#Also. to that last spinel kinnie mention: HELP?#DWNMBDNBSNM OKAY ICAN SAY RIGHT NOW THAT THE KINNIE THING IS NOT BECAUE OF TRAUMA or at least i dont think i can say that #that fyucked up lil wad of pink bubble gum of a gem is just Literally Me and it's insane and yah :)#genuinely. very genuinely. movie premiere bringing her into existence was like having a mirror held up to my mind's eye. crazy #both in aesthetic and being ridiculously relatable on so many fronts both to past and present instances of myself like wtfff #(minus her wanting to hurt innocents during her stupid fucked up and evil phase - that was NOt a mood 😰 girl wtf the fuc)#WHY DID SHE HAVE LIKJE ALL OF MY MANNERISMS AT THE TIME. HER STUPID LITTLE WALK. THAT WAS 2019 ME HELPP #okay anyway done screaming abt being a kinnie ty for the ask and being so sweet and fun to talk to !!! 👋😄😊 <333 #fr!!!!!! ♡

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davidtennantpussytulpa · 2 years

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ive had everything taken away from me (would have been really excited about a she hulk show 8 years ago and is now just annoyed with the mcu)

#my dad was playing the first ep and like. ughhhhhhhhh #not only do the effects just straight up look like shit. its just so soulless and boring #NOT EVEN TO MENTION. that post like lol we just didnt wanna write court scenes in our court based show ^_^#there was even a line like ‘im able to control my anger more as a woman bc of the situations i deal with’ etc which COULD have been powerful #in a better written show but instead it was just hamfisted in there like WE GET WOMEN!!!! WE ARE FEMINIST!!!!!!#anyways. going to kill myself xoxoxo #society if superhero movies could all be adapted like lego batman gotham birds of prey batman and robin deadpool etc >>>>>

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closetchild · 2 years

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like girl therws literally somethinf wrong with me i dont know why im orientinf where im gonna move around sports but i AMMMM

#LIKE I WANNA GO TO ST LOUIS FOR THE CARDS AND THE BLUES BUT I KIND OF LOVE THE FLYERS AND IT WOULD BE #SO SICK TO GO TO NY OR MICHIGAN AND HOP OVER TO TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS/BLUE JAYS GAMES THATD BE SO COOL #but also i love las vegas.... but their sports scene fuckin suck. and the golden knights fuckin suck. but my boy nolan patrick is tjere so #maybe tberes a silver lining to the golden knights but literally following their dumbass trade plans id be suprised if he isnt traded by #2024 #anyway. so like. idk. i really dont like the knights id hate to be stuck rooting for them and also not having an #easible accessible mlb team #but also like bella LMAO maybe you should be looking into universities instead you idiot. who plans their move around #sports #bruh poor patty though right. if i got traded to the knigjys after being on the dl for two years id kill myself straight up #literally no one cares about hockey idk who the target audience is here

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bongjuiceconcentrate · 11 days

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#this is gonna be so tmi sorry i’m advance but #how am i supposed to deal with having a body and every mental illness and stomach problems and throat problems and being ugly and having no #hobbies or life skills or a job #i need to find a job but i also have to deal with my stomach and my throat so i can be well enough to actually move my body to find a job #but i don’t have much money left so i can’t focus on those things either so i’m spending literally hours a day in the bathroom and it hurts #to speak #and i don’t want to feed myself i don’t want to take my meds i don’t want to do anything but get high which also physically hurts also bc #throat #and i have to do PT everyday so i can shit better but i also need to find a job so i can’t waste silly energy on things like that but then i #can’t get a job because i feel like shit and am shitting literally all the fucking time #and obviously the logical thing should be to just take care of my health today so i can be good to #tomorrow to find a job right? wrong actually! tomorrow it’ll be something’s #and the day after that #n the day after that #and every day after that one too!#but no one is actually willing to help me with anything because i am a 1 dimensional human being who spawned yesterday who has never heard #of things like “’building tenacity’ and ‘having structure’ there’s actually nothing wrong with me i’m just lazy i guess!#but if i wanna kill myself that’s wrong and bad and needs to be stopped immediately #other people seem to look at suicidal people and go ‘i have no reason to want to kill myself so other people just need to push it through :)#thug it out lol’ and it’s like actually these are very good reasons to want to die #i have spent the last 9 years actively in treatment actively working on myself actively trying to build a better life #it has only gotten worse #don’t talk to me about getting over to the other side. i’m on it. it’s just as bad as every other one of the sides #life doesn’t ever get better for some people and just because that wasn’t true for you and your life did get better doesn’t mean other #peoples lives every will get better. like it is straight up not possible for me to have a better life. and i know this for a fact because if #it was #i would have it now and i would have had it for a while

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valpuduzz · 21 days

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god im supposed to be working on a project but i think this is a venty kind of night. i dont feel good at all. im sorry (anything suicidal that im mentioning isnt meant to be taken seriously btw, im just going through it)