#so i can either be happy? or i can afford to pay my bills

[whiskingskin]

My mental health be so good and yummy tasty and then I remember I have to pay rent. Then I remember I have to buy groceries. Then I remember I need to buy gas. Then I remember I need to pay my car insurance. Then I remember I need to pay my renters insurance. Then I remember I need to pay for my cats food. Then I need to pay for my cats litter as well as some toilet paper for myself. Oh shit we're out of detergent- lemme run yo the store and pay for some more cleaning supplies. Oh, but our garbage disposal is broken, let me pay the maintenence man to come fix it. Did you want to have a treat after work? I hope you can afford it. Did you want to work at this place you're passionate for doing something you love? Sorry- we're only open 4 days a week, so you'll need a second job to pay your rent. Don't forget, your family and friends have birthdays coming up! Get them a present so you're not a bad friend. Or make them one- what do you mean you don't have the energy? Dont forget that the new canvas will cost 6.99! Shoot, you're depressed? Luckily, your therapy is only 200$ an appointment- you can pay that, right? And your life saving medications, of course! That'll be 850$- yes, that's with your insurance included. Don't you want to feel better? Please dress better- you're not being very professional. If you can't afford to dress professionally maybe you shouldn't be working professionally. Yes, a laptop is required for this position, but it would be in your best interest to buy it yourself. No, we don't have these hours available for you, even though I just told you how understaffed we are. What do you mean you don't want to work? What do you mean you don't want to pay?

If you're not paying, what are you doing? Stop.

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

[taeyongdoyoung]

daddy's home

summary: boyfriendless, jobless and hopeless, you rush to take the first opportunity you find, which is a nanny position. but the kids are not the only ones you grow fond of... pairing: seungcheol x reader genre: fluff, smut, single dad x nanny AU warnings: kids (triggering, i know), age gap (unspecified), mentions of past cheating, abandonment issues, potential therapy, male masturbation, confessions, blowjob, kissing, eating out, protected sex (unbelievable), dirty talk, size kink, pet names (sweetheart, angel, darling, little girl), sir+daddy kink, unprotected sex (with baby-making goal), breeding kink, creampie, more kids (sorry im ovulating) author's note: this is loosely based on the sitcom the nanny in that there's a single dad with three kids but minus the dead wife trope cuz that's too depressing for my tastes word count: 4.3k

You are desperate. Your shitty boyfriend cheated on you, broke up with you and you also lost your job. So it’s been a couple of terrible weeks. Now, you would take pretty much any kind of job as long as it pays enough for you to afford food and the bills. ASAP.

Single dad looks for a live-in nanny for his three kids. Full-time with Sundays off. Contact this number for more details.

Okay, truth be told, you’ve never considered yourself as someone who is good with kids. But how hard can it be? Have you mentioned you’re desperate?

“Listen, Miss L/N,” Mr. Choi, your potential future employer starts. “I appreciate your enthusiasm but I’m not just going to hire you. I’m looking for someone with experience.”

“Well, I have a bunch of nephews, if they turned out alright under my care, then I guess that counts for something,” you chuckle.

“That’s very nice but I’m talking about professional experience. Have you been a nanny before?”

“Technically, no, but how can I get experience if you won’t hire me?”

“Touché,” Mr. Choi laughs.

“How about a trial period? Let me spend some time with your kids under your supervision and prove myself capable.”

Mr. Choi nods reluctantly.

“Well, you’re in luck since my little goblins have driven away five nannies in the past month.”

Oh, dear. Five nannies…And here you were thinking this could be an easy job.

“So, what’s one more?” you chuckle nervously and Mr. Choi shakes your hand, agreeing to give you a chance.

You are excited when meeting his kids. The eldest daughter - Chaerry is 15, very elegant and polite. You think that you’ll have no problems with her and you’ll have lots to talk about. The middle child and only son - Dino is 10, extremely mischievous and loud. You’ll definitely have problems. Finally, the youngest daughter, Elsie, is 5, she’s such a cutie but leaves a mess of her toys everywhere she goes. It’s easy to trip if you’re not careful, but nothing you can’t handle.

The trial period goes by in a flash. Dino attempts to get on your nerves by pulling pranks like hiding fake spiders in your bag and spraying your outfit with ketchup, but you accept all that with an easygoing laugh. Elsie constantly asks you to play with her toys and you need an unlimited source of ideas to keep up with her wild imagination, but it feels more like fun than a job. Chaerry is quiet and doesn’t share much at the beginning but eventually tells you about this boy at school she has a crush on. So, you count that as a success.

“I must admit, Miss L/N, I had some worries at first but seeing how quickly my kids accepted you is remarkable,” Mr. Choi shares his observations with you at the end of the trial period.

“So, am I hired, then?” you beam with excitement.

“Absolutely, yes. The kids have taken a liking to you and changing nannies so often is probably not great for them, either.”

“So true. Kids need stability and I would be happy to stick around for as long as you’ll have me, Mr. Choi,” you are thrilled not only because you will have a bed to sleep, food to eat and money to spend, but because you are genuinely looking forward to spending more time with these little munchkins.

And spend time with them you do. You're not sure what exactly it is that makes the kids warm up to you, but whatever the reason, it's working.

With Chaerry, you talk about boys and high school drama and make-up. On one occasion, she tells you something that sincerely touches you.

“Thank you for being my best friend, Y/N. I know I shouldn't keep stuff from my dad, but he can be so overprotective sometimes it's difficult to talk about...well, going on dates with boys, mostly.”

“Aww, Chae, you can tell me anything. It'll be our little secret,” you give her a wink, followed by a hug.

You're not exactly sure what the correct response here is. But you'll make sure to maintain some kind of balance - both look after her safety so that Mr. Choi sleeps peacefully at night and not betray Chaerry's trust in you.

With Dino, after the initial phase of silly pranks passes, you notice that he's become more honest and calm.

“You won't leave us like our mom and all the other nannies did, will you?” he asks you one afternoon as you're watching TV together.

You haven't asked Mr. Choi what exactly happened with these kids' mother because frankly, it's none of your business, but something is telling you they're a lot more hurt than they let on.

“I'm not going anywhere, Dino,” you promise, though really, it's up to Mr. Choi to decide that.

“Good. It would really suck if you left.”

That's a lot, coming from the kid who damaged like half of your wardrobe with all kinds of sauces.

With Elsie, another strange situation takes place due to the fact that the kid has no filter.

“Let's play family!”

“Um, okay,” you agree without thinking much.

“This will be daddy,” Elsie points at a stuffed lion plushie and then grabs a tiger plushie, “And this is you, mommy!”

“Oh, honey. I'm not your mommy,” you try to explain as gently as possible.

“But can you be? Daddy says our mommy left and has a new family somewhere else.”

Okay, that's a lot to unpack here. Though you don't think it is your place, you'll need to have a conversation with Mr. Choi, because the kids obviously have some kind of unresolved trauma...

One evening, after the kids have gone to sleep, instead of going to your room, you wait in the living room for your employer to come back from work, so you can approach the subject as delicately as you can.

“Good evening, Miss L/N. Kids go to bed?” he greets you as he takes off his coat.

“Evening, Mr. Choi. Yes, they did. I was wondering if we can have a chat. It can be a sensitive topic, I'm sure, but for the sake of the kids, I think it's important.”

Mr. Choi nods and takes a seat next to you on the couch.

“About their mother...”

“I was wondering how long it'd take you to bring that up,” he chuckles bitterly. “Other nannies wanted me to spill the tea on day one.”

“Wow, seriously?”

“It's not like it's this big secret, I just prefer not to talk about it unless absolutely necessary. My ex-wife...cheated on me and got pregnant by another man, so we had a divorce and I kept the kids, because she said she wants to start anew with this other guy, and...well, the kids said this is their home and that they won't move. So, I suppose the judge took that under consideration.”

“My God. I had no idea.”

“You couldn't have known, considering I just said I don't enjoy revisiting those painful memories.”

“Yes, of course, I only meant that...I guess it explains some things. Forgive me for saying this, but I think the kids have some kind of abandonment issues. Elsie and Dino, in particular, they seem to have a fear that I'll leave just like...well, their mom and the other nannies.”

“And are you? Leaving, I mean.”

“Not if I can help it. Mr. Choi, your kids are very vibrant and precious to me. I genuinely love my job. But I'm worried that what happened with your ex-wife affected them more than they show. Maybe you should look into therapy?”

“I will definitely take that into consideration. Thank you for your candour, Miss L/N.”

“You're most welcome.”

“What about Chaerry?”

“What about her?”

“You said that Elsie and Dino express these abandonment issues. Does Chaerry not have them?”

“She probably does, but at the moment she's too busy thinking about boys.”

“Boys? At her tender age? I don't think so,” Mr. Choi immediately goes into ultra alpha protective dad mode and you honestly find it kind of funny. And hot.

“Oh, relax, Mr. Choi. It's just typical high school drama. There's nothing to be worried about.”

He shakes his head disapprovingly.

“I'm counting on you. Does it ever occur to you how quickly they grow up?”

“I suppose it's more difficult for you. I've only known them for a few months but I think I get what you mean.”

“Yeah...How strange, it feels like you've been part of this family forever.”

You try not to think too deeply about it. He...considers you part of this family. Elsie called you mommy. Dino doesn't want you to leave. And Chaerry talks to you about boys. A topic, which girls usually discuss with their mothers. Oh, sweet heavens. Maybe, this nanny gig is becoming more than a job...

One Monday Mr. Choi texts you not to come to work this Saturday, as the kids will be spending some time with their grandparents (aka Mr. Choi's parents). However, the moment you receive the text, you're too busy trying to escape from Dino who is chasing you with a water gun in the garden. So, you somehow forget to put it down in your calendar.

Saturday arrives and poor Mr. Choi thinks you'd be in your own apartment. Finally, some peace and quiet. His parents picked up the kids early in the morning to go to the park with them so he's all alone and free to do as he pleases.

But alas, you go down the stairs of Mr. Choi's enormous house and make your way to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for the kids. However, it's too quiet. Hm, how strange. Maybe, they're not awake yet? You shrug as you pour some milk and cereal in a bowl.

Oh, you hear some noise from the living room. Is that the TV? Your curiosity gets the better of you and you enter it only to find Mr. Choi in a very compromising position. He is touching himself, watching very obscene things on the big screen!

You are on the verge of chastising your boss for doing something like that in the living room, where the kids could walk in any minute, when you remember. The kids...They're with their grandparents today. Which means that...Fuck, you're not supposed to be here. You should be at your own apartment instead of being witness to...your very sexy and very single employer taking care of his needs.

You are going to sneak back into the kitchen and wait for a more appropriate time to leave the house when you hear it. At first you think you're hallucinating but then you hear it twice. Your name.

“Y/N...please, let me-” Mr. Choi moans, his eyes closed, he is unaware of your presence.

However, he doesn't get to finish his sentence because you are so shocked that you drop the bowl of cereal, which shatters on the ground with a loud noise.

“Fuck, I'm so so sorry,” you murmur nervously as your boss finally notices you watching him.

His cheeks flushed, his lips pouting, he is the most adorable you've ever seen him. He hurries to tuck his cock back into his pants and turn off the TV.

“N-no, I'm sorry...Miss L/N, what are you doing here?”

Oh, so you're Miss L/N now...Very well, then.

“I apologize. It must have slipped my mind that the kids are with their grandparents today.”

“It must have,” Mr. Choi repeats coldly, obviously embarrassed by this situation.

You wonder if you should tell him what you heard. Would that be unprofessional? But then again, he is the one who said your name, so...what is professional anyway?

“Do you want me to leave?”

He sighs deeply.

“What's the point? You already saw me...fuck, I feel so humiliated.”

“Why would you feel humiliated? Am I so undesirable that my presence immediately turned you off?” you ask bluntly.

“That's not the case and you know it.”

“I'm not sure I know anything anymore,” you admit. “You...said my name. How is that supposed to make me feel?”

“You were never meant to hear that,” Mr. Choi hides his face behind his hands, the redness refusing to leave his complexion.

“But I did. So, what now?”

“Please, don't quit. I realize that what I did is unforgivable but...the kids care about you so much, it would devastate them to lose you.”

“I wasn't even thinking of quitting. But...are the kids the only ones who care about me?” you need to know.

“No...As it so happens, I care about you.”

“So, stop hiding from me,” you don't know where that boldness comes from as you grab his wrists and remove his hands, so you can look at his face. Fuck, he's so pretty.

“You're not...grossed out by me?” Mr. Choi blinks at you in surprise.

“Kinda flattered, actually,” you confess. “But I'd like it much better if you let me take care of your frustrations.”

“You would?” he is unable to believe his luck when you drop on your knees in front of him and take him out of his pants again, engulfing his cock with your pretty mouth. “Y/N...”

The way he says your name is enough to make you even more enthusiastic, sucking him deeper and bobbing your head to the best of your abilities. He grips your hair tightly and you make sure not a drop is spilled as you swallow his cum down your throat. You wipe off your lips and sit down next to him, unsure of what to do next.

“Mr. Choi...”

“Call me Cheol, please.”

“Cheol...may I kiss you?”

Seungcheol doesn't respond and instead kisses you passionately, grabbing your face with his hands. His tongue is exploring your mouth in ways you'd never imagined could bring so much pleasure and you can't resist the urge to sit in his lap. Somehow, against all reason, he's hard again, as you grind against him. Fuck. He's so hot and sweet and amazing you just want to make him happy. How anyone could cheat on this fine man is beyond you.

“Um...not to assume or anything, but do you have a condom?” you ask sheepishly.

“I do, yes,” Seungcheol goes to his coat and brings a package.

“I mean, don't get me wrong, I love kids, but I think we should be responsible considering this is our first time together and you already have three of your own,” you're probably talking too much but oh well. Better safe than sorry.

“No, I understand. You're totally right.”

“Will you fuck me?” you inquire.

“Here? On the couch?” Seungcheol is in disbelief.

“Well...you were touching yourself here, but I guess it's whatever. Your home, after all.”

He chuckles, suddenly embarrassed again.

“Come on, let's go to my room.”

Seungcheol offers you his hand and you follow him upstairs excitedly. Is this really happening? Are you seriously going to do this with your boss?

He lifts your chin up because he notices you're not meeting his eyes out of nervousness.

“Look at me,” he commands you easily and you're on the verge of falling apart and he hasn't even undressed you yet. The power this man holds over you... “We don't have to do this if you're not ready.”

“It's not that. I do want this. It's just...I don't remember if I told you but I was also cheated on. A little before I came to work here. And like, I haven't been intimate for a while, so I'm nervous. What if I mess something up?”

“Okay, first of all, give me that asshole's address, I just wanna talk. And second of all...darling, I haven't been intimate since way before my divorce took place. Trust me, I'm a lot more nervous than you right now.”

You shake your head.

“Whatever you do, I'm sure I'll find it like super hot.”

Seungcheol laughs and tilts his head, kissing you again.

“You're so cute,” he whispers against your mouth. “I can't wait to ruin you.”

And just like that, it's as if a switch is flipped. He pushes you onto the bed and leans above you menacingly, a devilish smirk painting his pretty face. Seungcheol pushes your dress up hurriedly, touching you all over.

“You really thought you could get away with it, huh? Walking around my house in those dresses of yours looking so sexy? Tempting me?”

“N-no, s-sir,” you murmur, not knowing where the title is coming from.

“God, I'm such a cliché. An old man unable to resist the gorgeous young nanny...”

“You're not old, sir,” you try to reassure him. You're not sure if he's just engaging in dirty talk or is actually having some insecurities. He's still young in your eyes. Whatever the case, you're there for him.

“Don't lie to me, sweetheart. I'm too old for ya...I have three kids. What do you have, hm?” Seungcheol speaks while caressing your pussy through your panties.

“I have you, sir,” you smile and palm his dick teasingly.

He sighs wistfully and buries his head between your folds, licking and teasing until you're a soaking mess for him.

“S-sir, p-please...C-cheol, don't stop,” you cry out helplessly.

It feels so good, too good. He holds you down, hands gripping your thighs as you cum against his tongue. He barely gives you any time to recover as he rolls up a condom on his cock. You stare at him hungrily, impatient to have him inside of you.

Seungcheol is like the drug everyone warned you about. Once you have him, you won't be able to quit.

“Are you ready?” he asks softly in sharp contrast with his previous behaviour.

“Please take me, Cheol,” you would beg if you had to.

And take you he does, entering you deeply with his big cock.

“Fuck, you're so tight, barely fitting me in,” he speaks, stroking your clit in circular motions with his thumb, while he fucks you harshly.

“It's okay, I won't break, sir,” you try to convince him.

“What if I want you to break, little girl?” Seungcheol inquires, his voice half-joking, half-serious, as he.

“Then, I'd be happy to serve you, daddy,” the word slips from your lips before you could think twice about it.

“Daddy, huh? You need daddy to make you cum?” you are grateful he plays along instead of making fun of you in this very vulnerable moment.

“Yes, daddy, please, I'll do anything for you,” you promise in a daze.

“Cum for me, sweet girl, let daddy take care of you,” his deep voice is enough to bring you to the edge.

“Fuuuck, daddy...Cheol,” you mumble repeatedly, as white appears before your eyes.

You're shaking in his arms but it feels like flying.

“I've got you, angel, daddy's right here,” Seungcheol comforts you, as he rides out his own high, spilling inside the condom. Then, taking it off and throwing it in the garbage bin, he hurries back to you.

You make grabby hands at him and he envelops you in a hug.

“I'm here, sweetheart,” he kisses your forehead gently and you melt against his chest.

“Cheol...I think you just murdered me a little,” you laugh.

“Well, then, I better make sure I revive you, because I can't imagine my life without you.”

“Good. You ain't getting rid of me.”

“That sounds perfect because me and the kids would like you to stick around.”

“Oh God, the kids! What time are they coming back?”

“We've got time, don't worry, they should-”

“Daaaad, we're home!” you hear Dino's loud voice from downstairs.

“Fuck,” Cheol curses under his breath and the two of you hurry to make yourselves look somewhat presentable.

Once dressed and back in the living room, you can only hope that you're not too obvious about what went down. However, you can't stop yourself from glancing at Seungcheol and he's just as flustered as you.

“Oh, hi, Y/N,” Dino greets you as if it's completely normal for you to be there. As if you belong.

“How was your time with your grandparents?” you ask, trying to act casual.

“We had so much ice cream!” Elsie squeals excitedly.

“Grandma and Grandpa took us to the park,” Chaerry starts telling you about everything they did in great detail and you are glad that the shy girl you first met is becoming a confident young woman.

Elsie is asking for more ice cream but Seungcheol is explaining that it's lunch time. Dino is painting the table with mustard and honestly, that's so on brand for him...

It is funny where desperation brought you. You realize this is the happiest you've been in a while.

Later, when Seungcheol catches you alone after spending the afternoon with the kids, he asks:

“I know we kinda messed up the proper order of things, but...would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Oh! I'd love that, Cheol. Is it okay to still call you that?”

“Yeah, it's alright.”

“What about in front of the kids? I'm not sure to what point you'd like to mix professional with...personal life.”

“In front of the kids is okay, too,” he laughs, scratching the back of his head. “Actually, do you know what Elsie keeps asking me?”

“What?”

“When will you make Y/N my new mommy?”

“Yeah, that definitely sounds like something Elsie would say.”

“So, um, no pressure. But I think you're more than the nanny to me.”

“Well, I would certainly hope so. I didn't raise you, mister!”

Seungcheol can't miss the opportunity for a joke. He takes hold of your hand and places it on top of his...very hard dick.

“You raised him, though,” he whispers.

“Mr. Choi!” you hiss, scandalized. “I mean...Cheol.”

“Did you mean daddy?” Seungcheol teases you relentlessly.

“Stop it, you deviant!” you shake your head. “Fuck, you'll never let me live this down, will ya?”

“Do you kiss your boss with that mouth?” he smirks.

“Don't mind if I do,” you reply and bring your lips to his.

A year passes by quickly. You love every day of your life. Whether it'll be spending time with the kids, or going on fun dates with your boss turned boyfriend, or having mind-blowing sex with said specimen, you are truly happy with how things turned out for the best.

With one tiny thing missing.

“Cheol, can I ask you something?” you mumble one evening, as you are playing with his soft, fluffy hair.

“Of course, sweetheart,” Seungcheol turns towards you, giving you his fullest attention.

“Have you ever thought about having more kids?”

“Hmm, it hasn't crossed my mind. I already have three kids. But it depends. Is that something you're interested in?”

“Not till now. But if it's with you, I'd love to have a kid,” you confess shyly.

“Well, then, let's make you a mommy,” Seungcheol quickly makes it his mission and for the first time, doesn't use a condom.

“Yes, please, daddy, give me your cum,” you moan wantonly, as he fucks you deep.

“Take it like the good girl you are, I'll give you all I've got, fuck a baby in ya,” he grunts in your ear, sounding even more excited than you are.

“I love it, feel so full,” you whimper and can't stop kissing him. You can't believe this beautiful man is yours and wants to give you another present.

“That's right, sweetheart, I'll stuff you full of it,” he moans and releases himself inside you. Your walls clench around him, pulling him deeper, as you reach your high.

Seungcheol gently pushes the cum that's spilling out of your pussy back inside and lifts your legs up.

“Do you think it'll stick?” you ask doubtfully.

“Can't hurt to try again until it does,” he shrugs, determined to succeed.

Nine months later, as you welcome the twins into the family, you realize you've never expected to achieve so much happiness.

“You really had to outdo yourself and give me not one but two babies,” you playfully push Seungcheol's shoulder.

“Is it too late now to say sorry?” he grins nervously.

“Don't be. I'm more than satisfied. But you'll have to give me a raise!”

“I'll give you something better than that,” Seungcheol promises and pulls a diamond ring out of his pocket.

“Oh my God,” you are in shock.

“Y/N...you've given me more than I could ever hope to deserve. You started off as a nanny but you became my three kids' best friend and now, the mother of two more angels. You became my closest person, my source of joy, my sweetheart. Knowing that I can come home to you is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Will you do me the absolute honour of becoming my wife?”

“Yes, of course, yes!” you say through your tears and kiss him, as he slides the ring on your finger.

“Can I call you mommy now?” Elsie peeks her adorable head behind the door, followed by Dino and Chaerry, who are all excited by the good news.

“Congratulations, Y/N!” Chaerry greets you with a hug and whispers: “Thanks for taking one for the team and making our lonely old man. happy.”

“Hey, I heard that!” Seungcheol complains loudly.

Dino jumps on the back of his dad with a loud squeal.

“You better treat her right, Dad!” the boy warns. “Or I'll ketchup your room!”

“Why do I feel like I'm the one being welcomed into the family?” Seungcheol bemoans his fate but he's never smiled wider.

“You'll get used to it,” you joke. “Come on, guys, meet your new brother and sister.”

“Hii, babies!” Elsie and Dino jump excitedly around the twins.

“Oh, they're so cute! Aren't they so cute, Dad?” Chaerry coos at the babies.

“They are, but it's too early for you to think about how cute babies are. Look at me...I already have five. Isn't it tragic?” Seungcheol keeps messing around.

“It could have been twelve or something,” you play along.

“I can't imagine,” Seungcheol cries out indignantly. But deep down, maybe he can.

The End

[sillysadduck]

I never wanted it to get to this point, but I don't have a choice. I finally made a paypal and I'm trying to set up a ko-fi.

Please read to the bottom and reblog, for the first time I seriously need your help, I mean it.

Hi again, context for my desperate behavior:

For those who know me from my dhmis or fnaf fanart, you know I have been around for years, and I was always happy to bring you free requests. I have never asked for money, it didn't feel right for me even when you were willing to donate to help me escape my living situation, but I am eternally thankful with those who offered ♡ having said this, you know I would never ask unless I absolutely HAVE to.

I'm studying -and pretty much living- with the money of a scholarship, but with the costs of food and books I cannot afford to live. I'm not being dramatic, I have spent more than one day without eating in the last few weeks.

I'm off my meds because I cannot afford them either.

I can't work because I'm the only one who takes care of my disabled sister at home, my mom isn't strong enough to pick her up and change her on her own anymore even if she tries. The days when I'm not home, I'm at college all day trying to survive while my elderly aunt helps take care of my sister.

Recently, what made me hit rock bottom was that my cat, Chimu, started peeing blood. My parents refused to help me pay for his vet bills, even when they're the ones who adopted him. He cries in pain everyday, he's a cat from the streets with a mental disability and I'm the only one who cares about him. The cat food for cats with urinary issues is $70, it may not seem like a lot but I'm surviving with $20 a month (in my country's currency, minimum wage is around $200) and I didn't care about suffering on my own but I won't drag him down with me.

Plus, this month, the government website has been glitching and I didn't receive the money I had been receiving so far. I need your help, if you can't buy then please reblog. I'm currently trying to set up a ko-fi too. I need you more than ever, even if I'm not as active as I used to be, as you can see now there is good reason for my absence.

TLDR: I can't afford to eat, study, or save my family cat, and my parents are pretending I don't exist. Please help me.

Thank you if you read this far <3

[vdragon-creations]

TMayNT Day 13: Best Don

Day 13 of @tmaynt Prompt: Best Don!

Oh my sweet, how I've waited for this day! It should probably come as no surprise to anyone who fallows me or anyone who saw my Day 1 entry that Donnie is my favorite turtle! Hands down, no contest!

But here comes the hard part. Choosing my favorite! Gunna be honest, it's a very hard decision. Each Donnie has a quality to them that I just adore! Intelligence! I don't like to think of myself as that smart, at least not in the way Donnie is! And I love me some soft nerdy types! And when it comes to personality, it gets even harder to pick, because literally ALL of them are just precious.

87 is smart but a bit of a dork! 2003 is...goals. Sweet, kind, has a tiny bit of spice to him, and still has the skills to pay the bills! 2007, while not having much screen time, is a reliable man.

IDW, tbh, I've yet to read the comics in full, but from what I can see, he seems a lot like a mix of both 2003, 2007, and 87 Don. As in, while he's a little more softspoken then the others, he can still hold his own in a fight! And despite having been through some clearly otherworldly shit, he's a skeptic when it comes to magic. But I love the way they wrote him! (And his death scene still makes me cry! And seeing him still deal with pain from that incident is just *Chef's kiss*!)

2012....well...I don't have much to say about him. Frankly he's my least favorite out of the bunch, and all because the writers really wanted to play fanfic writer and they leaned whyyyyy too hard into the nerd stereotype. Resulting in making him borderline creepy to April. (Not that she's perfect either because goddess on a stick I'm not getting into that today.) The one thing I'll give him is that his sarcasm in this one made his very funny to hear in banter, and I apricate that they were trying to do more then just change the skin colors to make the boys stand out from one another. (But guys...really....the gap in the teeth was just not necessary..)

The Bayverse Donnie was one that had to grow on me a little, cause I'm part of the crowed that thought they looked a bit rough. But I agree that that's kinda the point, they're mutants. They more then likely would be a little rough looking irl. But after aa bit, he does start looking pretty cute anyway! And his voice is on par with 2003, in that he just sounds so sweet! I wanna hug him! (PLUS, THE FUCKER IS 6'8"! I'M 5'3"! And I do have a weakness for taller dudes. Bonus if they wear glasses! :3)

Now, for Rise. I was once part of the Cowaboomer crowed that thought that since RISE was so different from the other versions, it was there for ruined. I've since watched it, and the movie, and if anything, I've proven that I no longer think this way! RISE Donnie tho...he had to grow on me. At first I really didn't like him. His personality was such a stark contrast from all the other versions that it was almost like he was a whole new character! And with the art style of RISE being so different, his design was quite a jolt too. (The eyebrows are...a choice.) But after a while, that smug fucking smile had me feeling a type of way. The way he'd make me laugh was starting to become infectious! And the next thing I knew, I fell for this version too! Pretty hard I might say. And while 2003 Donnie is the sweetest bean to ever grace my screen, RISE became the living definition of the meme "I'm a luxury few can afford!"! And I love him!

After that, we had the batman cross over that brought us another Donnie! Once that I'm happy didn't lean too heavy on the other versions. He looked a little like 2012, but was like a gentle mix or 2003 and Bayverse! He also got a lot more lines and personality in that movie! (As well as a broken arm! RIP)

Then Mutant Mayhem showed up, and oh my god if he isn't the same insufferable anime fan I was when I was a teen! He made me laugh, and was still an adorable little dork!

And then we have Fortnite Donnie, who...i gotta be honest, I don't play Fortnite. So I'm not sure if he or the others get much of a personality or story outside of the same story of the turtles that we all know by now. So i can't judge him based on personality. But...I do like his design. Tho I will continue to say Fortnite had NO RIGHT to make him THAT damn fine!

In the end, I love all Donnies! Some more then others, but they all mean something to me! And it was hard to choose! but in the end, I chose the two that had the most influence on me!

[skyjynxart]

Emergency Commission Sales

I- don’t know where to begin. 

This started as a vet bill fund, but now the situation is just- so much worse, because when I arrived at work yesterday, I was told I am being let go. They were extremely unclear as to why exactly, but as I live in an at-will state, it doesn’t really matter.

I have no job, a massive vet bill to pay, a wisdom tooth coming in, and a car with no heat going into winter. 

I don’t really know what I’m going to do beyond the immediate coverage of vet bills, because I submitted over 140 applications with no response before I finally heard back from this place- there are just more people looking for jobs than there are jobs remotely near where I live, but I can’t afford to survive, much less move. 

Financial Details: One of my cats has one, possibly two abscessed teeth that need removed. I paid $260 for a vet visit, blood work, and antibiotics. I got the quote for what surgery will cost this morning, and they are estimating between $1,175 - $1,715, depending on if he needs both teeth taken out or just one.

I have been putting off my own wisdom tooth removal while I saved up for it, because it will cost $1,100

I don’t know how much it will cost to fix the heat in my car for winter.

My monthly expenses are $460/month because the cost of my medication has gone up after my sliding scale application was denied. I still have to pay $380 of those monthly expenses for November.

As of now, if I forgo my own dental care entirely, and empty my savings entirely, that will still leave me -$851 in the red. Anything that does not go to covering this month’s expenses and Severus’s vet fees will go to either next month’s expenses, or to saving for my own dental needs.

I will be figuring out a more sustainable plan over the next few days, but my current focus is on the immediate issue in front of me.

For the immediate moment, I am offering the following:

25% off my kofi shop using the code SEVVYTEETH . This goes until the end of the month. https://ko-fi.com/skyjynx/link/SEVVYTEETH 

3 Commission Slots I will be opening 3 commission slots for ANY TYPE on my price sheet: https://skyjynx.carrd.co/#pricing Those 3 pieces will be started once I finish my current owed art [https://trello.com/b/TCd6yTnL/art-queue] (everything in ‘currently working on’) When those are all finished, I will open 3 more slots. I am more than happy to draw your OCs, your blorbos from games/tv/etc, or even spicy content (*some kinks at my discretion, but feel free to ask!)

REMINDER: Kofi & patreon subscribers have access to discounted pricing which can be found here: https://skyjynxcomms.carrd.co/ 

If you'd like to claim a commission slot you can do so by DM

If you just wanna toss some money my way, I do have a ko-fi for tips: https://ko-fi.com/skyjynx

Reblogs/boosting apprecaited. <3

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

So the biggest reason why America's portion size is what it is is purely due to family size.

While the average amount of kids per family in the US is listed at 1.93, it is not accurate to it given how it takes into account families with no children, something that has increased exponentially in recent years. In reality, most families in the US who choose to have children AND choose to have more than one child averages out around 4 kids, with that number varying state to state..

Where you will be facing the largest portion sizes and what I have seen a lot of European people call "The reason why Americans are so fat" is in southern religous states. States where it is completely normal to have anywhere from 5 to 13+ kids because of religious purposes and a lack of sexual Healthcare and preventative options. (The reason why I was born, thanks Florida.....)

I come from a family of 5 kids, and right now, there are 3 teenagers two if whom who do athletics and one who is going through it growing wise. That requires a LOT of food per week so it requires buying in bulk. Something the stores in America are designed to do.

Also a lot of paydays happen either every other week or once a month so when payday comes, you pay you bills and immediately hit the store to buy yourself enough food to last until next paycheck. With a lot of families living below the poverty line, bulk buying is the smartest choice as well.

Even if we separate a financial aspect, sharing a large bag of chips with one friend is hard enough but sharing it with four siblings who surround you like vultures results in being left with crumbs. If my parent doesn't get the whole tub of cheese balls, I will probably only be able to get a cheese dust while my faster siblings will be full and happy. (Literally, it's a goddamn race)

Now onto restaurants, you are fully correct in us having a leftover culture, but we also have a family share culture. There are several restaurants here where you are not ordering for yourself but the entire table, which involves much larger portions. Same if you are eating a family dinner at home, you are portioned food from the collective dish.

Onto leftovers themselves, in recent times that has shifted less from families and more into poverty and work culture. A lot of families and people here can only afford to eat out as a luxury, so being able to eat leftovers the next day as a reminder is great. Also, a lot of times for work, we aren't given proper lunch breaks or provided food, so you bring leftovers that you can quickly reheat and devour to work.

The entire thing is not an "Americans are unhealthy" thing but an entire cultural thing.

I’ve never seen why people make a fuss about going to other countries and going ‘woag this is so different and weird!’

And I think there’s a big sense of entitlement when it comes to Europeans going to America because there’s this big presumption of similar culture where there really isn’t, and when you look at a multitude of things in America through a European cultural lens, it is a little bit fucked. But that’s putting it in a context it doesn’t belong in, so obviously it’s gonna be a little funky.

[absentlyabbie]

teen me did not think i would live to see the age of 36. more than that, she didn't particularly want to.

that kid had been ground and beat down enough and boxed in by her present she couldn't conceive of a future at all, much less a good one, and so figured none was best.

i bought a mattress today.

my current one is only 5 years old, but it was bought floor-model clearance and started sagging to one side within 2 years (don't do memory-foam only, friends.) i've suffered on that damn thing for three years after that, and i wake up every day in pain.

but today i bought a new mattress. because i needed one, and because i could. because i'm finally in the kind of financial situation where i can afford to do that with a tax refund.

i am 36 and i have a good job with people i like, good benefits and the best pay i've ever had, i live in a nice apartment in an area i love with my best friend and our cat. and i can afford to do things like get treats from the bakery on the weekends and, because suffering every night is awful, buy a new mattress when i need one.

that teenager couldn't have seen this as possible. not through well into my 20s either. she had no clue this was coming, that here was where she'd be at the age of 36.

five years ago when i bought the previous mattress, it was a financially fraught and precarious move, living still with my best friend and our cat, but in a miserably shitty apartment in a place we hated, making barely enough to pay bills each month. five years ago me had a vague, maybe slightly dim hope that someday things could get to the sort of place i'm in now, but she didn't know either.

and neither do you. you have no idea how good your life might be in five, ten, fifteen years. how content you may be, how happy. even if you can't imagine good as a future possibility for you. you don't know.

the only way to know is to stick around and find out.

to take every small comfort, tiny joy, and little contentment in your now as another anchor, to build the life you want, or that's better than the day before, tiny step by tinier piece, every little improvement you can grab onto and keep.

it doesn't just happen. the road to good will contain probably a lot of suck, and even when you reach good, there's no such thing as perfect. you do have to make efforts, and hope for some luck, and accept help from the people who love you.

but the first, most important foundational thing you must do to reach those good days ahead is to stick around and find out.

[dragonflylady77]

Steve's Pick

Billy/Steve | Teen | 1.5k

No Upside Down, First Kiss, Flirty Banter

Square: A2 - Love At First Sight for @billyhargrovebingo

Summary:

Steve heard the bell chime when a customer walked in so he looked up and who the fuck was the sex god who’d just walked into Family Video?

Steve was barely paying attention to whatever Henderson was saying anymore and only barely remembered to warn the kid with a distracted, “Sorry, customer, gotta go,” before he clumsily put the receiver down, his eyes still on the hot stranger. 

Read on Ao3

***

“So you’ll do it?”

Steve sighed, wishing his shift would end already so he could go home and crash, instead of listening to whatever issue Dustin had had with Mike fucking Wheeler. Again. He looked at the clock. Half an hour to go. Wednesday afternoon shifts usually dragged but this one had to be the worst one ever.

“Steve? Are you even listening to me?”

“Yeah, yeah, Dustin, fine, whatever.” He rolled his eyes, never happier that the shop was currently deserted. He guessed that everyone was at the movies, catching the new releases. Lucky them.

“Steeeeeeeve!”

Henderson’s whiny voice pulled him back into the present.

“Oh my god, what? I’m at work, you know that right?”

“I am aware. But I also know there is no one there. It’s Wednesday, Steve. So will you tell Mike you agree we should let Max in the Party?”

Steve heard the bell chime when a customer walked in so he looked up and who the fuck was the sex god who’d just walked into Family Video?

Steve was barely paying attention to whatever Henderson was saying anymore and only barely remembered to warn the kid with a distracted, “Sorry, customer, gotta go,” before he clumsily put the receiver down, his eyes still on the hot stranger. 

He looked like he was around Steve’s age and was wearing the familiar Hawkins Community Pool fire engine red shorts, matched with a black button down with weird flowers that vaguely looked like figs on it. But he’d only buttoned the bottom two buttons and Steve was absolutely failing in his effort to tear his eyes away from the guy’s golden chest.

Steve was so glad it was Robin’s day off and that Keith hadn’t bothered to come in today. He wouldn’t have been able to deal with either of their ridiculing remarks at the amount of unabashed staring he was doing right now.

The most perfect chest Steve had ever seen stopped on the other side of the counter and Steve lifted his eyes to take in the face of an angel. Blue eyes like the ocean he’d only seen on TV, a dusting of freckles over his nose, curls of the lightest brown, almost blond, and a mouth made for kissing. 

Fuck.

“Hey there,” the beautiful stranger said. Goddamn if his voice wasn’t just husky enough to make Steve’s dick stir in his pants from that one word.

“Hi, welcome to Family Video, I’m Steve. What can I do to you, um, I mean, for you?”

Steve felt his cheeks heat up and half expected to get punched for his slip up but the stranger laughed instead—the most enchanting laugh ever heard in Hawkins, Indiana, for sure. Then the man smiled and Steve worried he might just jizz in his pants from it.

“Well, hi, Steve. I’m Billy. I just moved here from California with my sister and her mom and I—”

“Oh god, why?” Steve couldn’t fathom swapping sunny California for Bumfuck, Indiana.

Billy laughed again and Steve fell in love. “Long story… could tell you over a beer sometime when you’re free.”

“I’m free every night,” Steve replied before he could stop the words from escaping his mouth.

Billy grinned and leaned forward on the counter, crossing his arms and making his biceps bulge a bit. Steve wanted to sink his teeth into them.

“Is that so, pretty boy?”

“Uh huh, it gets awful lonely too, just me in that big house, day after day, night after night. I mean, my parents didn’t even bother showing up when I graduated high school last year so yanno, who can say when they’ll come back and thank god they’re happy to keep paying the bills because there’s no way I could afford the bills…” Steve was aware he was word-vomiting but couldn't make himself stop as Billy looked at him with an increasingly amused smile. “And then I’d have to move and like, live under a bridge or something, because there’s no way I’d even be able to afford a tiny trailer at Forest Hills with what Keith pays here and oh my god, I need to shut up, I’m sorry.”

Steve stopped rambling and hid his face in his folded arms, banging his head onto the counter in the process. He’d for sure hear the bell now, as Billy ran away as fast as his feet could carry him… 

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

“Aw, babe, don’t say that, you’re not stupid,” Billy said, his fingers gently tangling into Steve’s hair. “Come on now.”

Steve froze. He’d said that out loud? Shit. And Billy was still there? 

Billy’s hands dropped from his hair as Steve slowly lifted his head to find Billy was now leaning halfway over the counter, his gorgeous face a few inches away. Steve watched, entranced, as Billy swiped his tongue over his bottom lip. He wanted to kiss that boy on the mouth if it was the last thing he did.

“Am I dreaming right now? Did I make you up with my mind? Is that why you’re so perfect?”

“Aw Stevie, I’m flattered but I’m far from perfect, just ask my sister.” “Okay, I will.” Steve paused. “Who’s your sister? What’s her name?\”

Billy grinned. “Max. Small, red head, bit of a bitch.”

“About fifteen, rides a skateboard?” Steve was pretty sure he knew who the girl was, a recent tentative addiction to the Party, much to Mike’s vocal dismay

“You do know her. I don’t know if I should be impressed or creeped out.”

Steve let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Billy, it’s a small town and I work at the only video store.”

“Duly noted. Anyway, Heather at the pool said you were the guy to talk to about where to go for a good time.”

“Heather Holloway? Oh boy. She was definitely pulling your leg.”

“Truly?”

“Yes. Billy, I’m sorry, I have no clue what the cool kids are up to these days.” 

Dammit, now Billy would leave and Steve would never know what it was like to bask in the attention of a god.

“That’s okay,” Billy said, his grin getting wider.

What?

“It is? But a second ago you said—”

“Steve?” Billy asked, moving slightly forward, narrowing the gap between them.

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything,” Steve replied, leaning towards Billy, mesmerised by how his blue eyes now looked nearly black. He smelled so good up close, Steve wanted to wrap himself around him and never let go.

“What time do you get off?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“On you.” Steve couldn’t believe he’d just said that but he wasn’t taking it back. What was that saying his dad kept throwing at him? Fortune favours the bold? Well, Steve was being bold as fuck right now, because he didn’t want the golden stranger—Billy— to leave. He’d seen the light and he wanted to follow Billy, wherever that led.

Billy chuckled. “Smooth.”

Steve shrugged. “They didn’t call me King Steve in high school for nothing.” “I heard they called you that for another reason,” Billy replied with a knowing smirk.

“Ah, that.” Steve felt his cheeks heat up. 

“Yes, that. Any truth in that rumour?” Billy asked, his face now a couple of inches away from Steve’s.

“Would you like to find out?” Steve’s eyes dropped to Billy’s mouth then back to his eyes. He grinned.

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“On you.”

Steve decided he didn’t want to wait any longer to find out what kissing Billy tasted like. He didn’t even look at the clock, Keith would just have to deal. Wednesday nights were dead anyway. “You know, I think my shift just ended.”

“Brilliant,” Billy whispered, his hands cupping Steve’s elbows now. “Isn’t it just?” Steve whispered back, leaning closer.

“Can I kiss you?” Billy asked, his mouth now so close that Steve could feel Billy’s breath on his lips.

“Yes.”

The word was barely out that Billy’s mouth was on his, his tongue eagerly licking into Steve’s mouth. They moved sideways to the end of the counter a foot away, still kissing, then the second they could, their hands were all over the other. Steve buried his fingers in Billy’s golden curls while Billy’s hands went lower, sliding down sides, before grabbing handfuls of his ass and pulling him closer.

Steve moaned out loud when he felt Billy’s dick pressing against his and he wished they were in his bedroom instead of his place of employment.

“Oh my god, Billy! Gross! I leave you alone for two seconds and you’re already sucking face with the first guy you find?”

Billy ended the kiss and moved his hands to Steve’s waist before turning to face his sister. The look on Max’s face went from grossed out to surprised.

“Steve?”

“Hi Max.” Steve waved at her, feeling rather embarrassed at having been caught like that.

“Shitbird, apologise to my boyfriend.”

“Your boyfr—” Max rolled her eyes and stomped her foot. “You’re unbelievable. I bet you didn’t even get the movie Mum wanted.”

[no-terfs-no-swerfs-no-fascists]

Someone's been stealing money from the petty cash at work for a year now, and I haven't been able to find out who or how.

I've covered, from my own money, close to €4000 by now, and my salary is only €500/month, which means that I've been living on scraps trying to pay rent, bills, cat stuff, and all the unexpected expenses that hobble me once or twice a month, such as having to buy a new vacuum cleaner, fixing the water heater, fixing the plumbing in the bathroom (twice), and buying a new washing machine, to name some. I've been eating nothing but plain congee since November of last year except for the holidays and my birthday, I've started buying lower quality cat food, and I've denied myself everything from buying new socks to getting new headphones just to keep myself in the black.

And finally - finally! - thanks to a friend's help, I could get my hands on a small wireless camera to set up in the office where I keep the petty cash till so I can catch the thief. I couldn't report any of the missing cash because after the first time it happened, I got told the next time it happens I will lose my job, and I can't afford that, but if I had proof that the cash was missing not because I was irresponsible at my work but because someone was stealing, then I could finally do it.

And the camera DOESN'T FUCKING WORK.

I've done everything right, followed the manual step by step, and the goddamned thing won't work!

You can only look through the camera if you're actively using the application that connects the camera to your phone. The motion sensor doesn't work despite changing all the settings to turn it on. The app recognizes the micro SD card I put in, but only in the sense that it recognizes there's an SD card there and how much free memory there is on it - it won't format it (as per instructions) and it won't use it as storage. Eventually, after about five hours of trying to get the camera to accept the micro SD card, I caved in an bought the app's Cloud storage space... but the camera won't accept it as storage either! So the only way for the camera to record anything is for me to actively use the app, go to the camera screen tab, click Record... and then stay on that window because the second I leave that tab (not even the whole app, just the tab!), the recording stops automatically 🤬

I was so happy when the camera arrived, so hopeful that this nightmare will finally be over and I'll finally be able to breathe a little easier, but nooo.

Not me.

Not with my luck.

So I've wasted €100 I couldn't afford to spend, and with the way things are going, I won't be surprised if the thief steals more money this weekend, and I'll just have to cover it again, and all for no better reason than because fuck me, that's why.

And then people DARE chastise me for being suicidal.

You fucking come live my life and then tell me I'm not justified in wanting all of this to be over and not caring how it happens anymore as long as it fucking STOPS.

[callistosystems]

Severe tooth decay, Call for help.

Over the past several years I've had to deal with steadily worsening tooth decay and tooth damage. I live and grew up in poverty and haven't had dental insurance for as long as I can remember, so I could never afford to get any of the problems fixed and they've piled up to the point where now I have no choice but to go for emergency dental work. The only thing that has stopped me up to this point was that I wasn't in pain. That's changed. Two of my more damaged teeth have become abscessed, and others are at risk. I'll go into more detail below but I would recommend avoiding that segment if you're squeamish about dental issues. I've been prescribed antibiotics and painkillers, and I'm going to have emergency dental work done. I'm looking at at least 3 pulled, more likely 4. I will stress: I DO NOT HAVE DENTAL INSURANCE. I will be forced to take this on as medical debt, while I'm unemployed and between concrete homes. I'm making the decision to ask for help if anyone is able to provide it. I'll be accepting donations to help put a dent in the bill, my paypal email is "Calabel831@gmail.com". Any amount helps, everything I receive will be used exclusively to reduce the bill I'll be forced to pay. If you have the time I would appreciate if you could reblog this to help get the word out. (CW: Tooth decay and Damage described in detail. Don't read past this point if that bothers you.) The full extent of the damage to my teeth is much more severe than a couple of infected ones, but for the most part it can be put off. Right now I'm worried about the ones that have broken or split open deeper than the enamel, exposing the inside of the tooth itself. I have three, possibly four teeth that are damaged to this extent. My upper right canine and upper right back molar are two of them. These two are the infected ones, and the ones causing me pain. My bottom back left molar is split open with half of the cap missing and the inside exposed, this one was broken by my wisdom tooth, both of which have fully grown in. It's probably at the greatest risk of infection out of the rest of my teeth. My upper back left molar is in a similar state, but not as damaged. Aside from those most of my front teeth are severely crooked and many of them have extreme enamel damage, one of them has lost it's entire front facing surface, and the inside of these teeth under the enamel has turned completely black. These will probably all either need to be pulled or require root canals for the ones I intend to keep, but that can wait just a bit longer until I'm in a better living situation. My upper canines, including the infected one, have been shunted up into and are sticking out of the front of my gums. Both are going to wind up being removed eventually, as well as my lower right canine which is severely decayed. My lower left is in decent shape and I'll probably be able to keep it. If there's any doubt or skepticism that this is as bad as it sounds, I would be more than happy to provide images if they're requested of me. I would ask that those stay private, I'm extremely self-conscious about this issue. TL;DR I need thousands of dollars worth of dental surgery. Some of it is severe enough to be threatening to my health or even life and I need help to pay for the medical bills.

[techmomma]

@empressofthelibrary tagged me!

are you named after anyone?

Nah. Or if I was, I'm not aware. IF I'd been born male I would have been named after my dad! (Gross.)

when was the last time you cried?

not to be depressing on main but um... pretty much any time you see me reblog things about Gaza, it means I've been going through the tag and inevitably cried at least once. :( if you see me post every day, then uh, that's every day that I've probably cried. so um, whenever the last time I posted about Palestine in the past few days is when I last cried.

do you have kids?

oh god no.

what sports do you play/have you played?

my biggest claim to fame was fencing! I still have my sword and mask in some kind of pipe dream that one day I'll be able to afford classes again.

do you use sarcasm?

It's my lifeblood.

what is the first thing you notice about people?

Voices and general silhouettes! I notice lots of weird little details about people and then I can't remember their fucking hair color to save my life.

what is your eye color?

Blue!

scary movies or happy endings?

I love both! But I'm really specific about scary movies, so in general I guess happy endings.

any talents?

I think I am a very good illustrator! And a pretty darn decent writer. I don't think I'm bad at either by any means but I think my strength is definitely in drawing over writing. I am a visual thinker and it shows. If I could draw as fast as I write I'd be so unstoppable.

I am also so so good at excel man I am so fucking good at spreadsheets I can make you a spreadsheet for anything baby.

where were you born?

Cali-forn-ai-ay!

what are your hobbies?

lmao

do you have any pets?

I am @kajeaynart 's godparent to Mikey!

how tall are you?

5'2" on good days.

favorite subject in school?

Always history. Especially world history.

dream job?

drawing and writing all day every day for my friends, for free. a bitch gotta pay the bills though. :(

Thanks for tagging me, Em! <3

[juniper2896]

I’m inconsiderate?? For deep cleaning the entire kitchen and organizing cabinets and declutterring to make the kitchen more open and happy…?? Because I moved a FEW items. Not to a completely different place either, just behind something in the same area… I made sure that the things we don’t use were towards the back and the things we use more are in the front. NOT to mention I put my things in the back or higher up and HER things closer and lower because she is short. I am so inconsiderate right??

I’m going to give you a list of inconsiderate things her and her husband have done…:

To start I took her in because she was getting a divorce and needed a place to live (I said she could live with me for 6 months rent free since she didn’t have a job)

Very first night, cant remember if he showed up or if she asked first but her new love interest had to sleep the night because she was scared alone and she felt safer with this guy she had known for 3 years but not in depth and had only been idk dating like a week?? So I said yeah sureee I want you to feel safe and comfortable here…

Sooooooo this new guy at that point had told her he would take care of her financially and she wouldn’t have to get a job, she could go to her exes house and play stay at home mom…So this guy has a job and is basically living with us right? So I should start making them pay rent right?? No I told her 6 months rent free…🥲🙃

So over those first months they slowly bring his things and buy new things and just start putting them anywhere… without asking me….

They start paying rent but can’t afford exactly half so I say I could pay 100 dollars more than them, oh and they can’t afford ANY bills (Electricity or wifi)… I am like okay cool its fine I make significantly more than him and can afford living here alone anyway so its totally fine🙃. But really it is because I am just like that, a good friend 😇.

Soooooo then they start moving the thermostat wherever the fuck they want it and turning on fans in rooms they aren’t in and plugging in something in every fucking outlet. OH!!! They closed vents in the living room and kitchen And went into my room to close my vent in my bathroom area so that they could get more air (Their room really is hotter than the rest of the apartment) Oh and their room didn’t have a ceiling fan but no worries, he is a handy man and installed one 👍🏻

They leave trash bags out on the porch 🤷🏼‍♀️

One morning I was on my lunch break at work and she called me saying soooooo last night me and P (Her lover/other roomie) rescued a kitten, It’s with me now (at her exes house while she watched her kids… a stray un vaccinated cat🙃) I am pretty sure she didn’t ask if it was okay if they could keep it, they just did. I had a pet cat btw that I adopted who was vaxed and fixed and payed for the pet deposit… but, I was like awh cuteeee😅

A month later I found a kitten in my parking spot and called Her down and she picked it up (I was having a hard time) and claimed it for herself💁🏼‍♀️ Cuz that makes sense. I wanted to take it to a shelter and she said welllll I picked it up so its mine anndddd then we had a second cat…

That first cat was a male (We thought it was a girl) and this new cat was definitely a girl… sooooooooo yup, they couldn’t afford to fixed them sooooo yeah they fucked all the time. I should have said lets rehome them but I honestly didn’t think I had a say… so now she is pregnant and they can’t afford anything to make sure she has a healthy pregnancy…Side note they won’t be able to afford the pet deposit when we all move in two months and she had the audacity to ask if I could foster them until they can afford them… wtf? I obviously said NO….

Lol is anyone actually reading all of these😅😅😅💁🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️💁🏼‍♀️

Sooooooo I have a house ready for me (My dear mother bought a house in the town I work in and I am going to rent it from her). I could totally break the lease and leave, I could have done that back in February… but they don’t have a place to go so I am waiting till our lease is up (They knew I was leaving and not renewing since September 2023) I am so inconsiderate right?

Back in February I was able to go stay at that new house for a month to make sure everything was working before we had renters move in… when I came back they had moved my apple TV plug into their room and told me right when I got home… she said “I hope that’s okay” not “Is that okay?”…. I had it in the living room and never went out there to watch tv and don’t really watch tv at all so I said it was okay…. It still is, but the point is they didn’t ask!

Also they had closed all my vents to my room so they could get more and never told me till I complained a week later about how hot my room was…

I’m sure there is more but my hand is cramping from all this I texted😅😅😅

So am I inconsiderate for moving a few items?? OH ALSO MOST THOSE ITEMS WERE ACTUALLY MINE🙃🙄

I know, if it bothered me I should have said something sooner right?? Well it didn’t really because I am very tolerant and just used to being pushed around without even realizing it. What bothered me was her saying I am “inconsiderate”…. When all I do is fucking people please to the point of overlooking all of my own wants and needs….

Okay I am done

[cynicalone94]

Leave Me Alone

**Trigger warning for discussion of past child abuse**

Voight scans the crime scene.

The murder of a witness is a big deal and the DA’s office is begging them to figure out who killed him. And fast.

“Halstead, Upton talk to the widow.” he orders. “Burgess, -”

“Sarge.”

He freezes at the quiet interruption from his lead detective, turning to the man with a raised eyebrow.

“I can’t interview her.” Halstead says, staring past him to the woman standing with a pair of patrol officers.

“You wanna tell me why?”

“I can’t..” Halstead shakes his head, a sheen of sweat covering his forehead. “I can’t.”

He turns and races toward the truck. Voight nods for his partner to check on him and then returns his attention to the scene.

After assigning out tasks, he heads over to talk to the widow himself.

Jay Halstead doesn’t scare easily and he wants to know what this woman had done to his kid.

Jay hears Hailey climb up into the passenger seat of the truck as he sits there, staring at the dashboard and trying to will the past to go back to where it belongs.

He’d never expected to see Katie Springer again.

Now he can��t contain the panicked memories of the past, of some of his earliest trauma, faced when he was still too young to have any defenses built up.

“Jay?” Hailey says quietly. “Are you okay.”

He just shakes his head.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

No.

“Is there anything that I should tell Voight about her? For the case?”

He shrugs.

The last time he’d even heard her name, he’d been eight years old. He hasn’t exactly kept up on her life.

“Jay? Who is she?”

“Leave me alone.” he begs. “Please. Just leave it alone.”

“Okay.” she says. “What do you need?”

“Can we just… get back to work?” he says after a long moment and she nods.

“I’ll check with Voight and see where he wants us.” she says, brushing her hand over his shoulder.

He flinches away from her and she grits her teeth.

Voight needs to keep her away the grieving widow too.

Complicated as it is by the fact that neither detective on the team will even look at their victim’s widow, they solve the case.

They’re able to tie the man’s death to the man that he’d been scheduled to testify against, making the DA’s office very happy.

The only remaining question is what do they do about Katherine Wellman?

Voight calls Hailey into his office to discuss it.

“He won’t talk to me.” she says, twisting her hands. “Anytime I try to ask him what the deal is he just shuts down, begs me to leave him alone. I don’t like it Voight.”

“I don’t either.” he says, shaking his head. “But he isn’t the only one who knows what happened. And now that the case is closed, I can ask her about it.”

Hailey agrees to the plan and an hour later, they’re sitting in the Wellman living room.

“I wondered how long it would take you to ask me.” Katherine says with a wry smile. “I didn’t recognize him at first. It’s been almost thirty years.”

“You want to tell me what happened?” Voight presses.

“I was a bitch.” she says. “I was fourteen years old and so selfish. So stupid.”

Voight doesn’t say anything.

She is ready to talk and doesn’t need any more prompting.

“Jay was practically a baby when his mom got sick. Just five years old. My mom was friends with Eileen and she knew they needed help. Eileen spent so much time in the hospital and in for treatments. And they couldn’t afford for Patrick to take time off work to stay with the boys or to pay for a sitter. They were drowning in hospital bills. So my mom volunteered me.”

“Without talking to you?” Voight questions.

“I was dating an older guy.” Katherine says. “Mom didn’t like him and wanted me to stay away from him. So I got volunteered to babysit a five and eight year old for free. It wasn’t so bad. I picked the boys up and walked them home from school. Then I did my homework while they played in their rooms, fed them dinner and then got them into bed.”

“When you wanted to be somewhere else?” Hailey asks.

“Yeah.” Katherine agrees. “But that wasn’t the worst of it. Jay… his mom had had to take him with her to one of her appointments because she didn’t have any choice. And he… saw something. I never knew what it was other than that he’d slipped away from the nurse who’d offered to watch him and that he hadn’t stopped crying for days afterward.”

“Babysitting a traumatized little boy is a lot for a fourteen year old.” Voight says.

“Don’t.. pity me.” Katherine says, shaking her head. “I should have told an adult that I was overwhelmed. Instead I… I complained to my boyfriend. I whined endlessly about how hard it was to have him waking up crying every single night. How hard it was for me.”

“And he had a solution?”

“Oscar was a jerk.” Katherine says. “But he was older and he was interested in me and I thought he was hot. When he suggested gagging Jay when I tucked him into bed I told him I wasn’t going to do that. But over the next week or so he kept suggesting it and Jay kept waking up crying. And I was losing hours of sleep every night trying to calm him down and get him back to sleep and I was exhausted so one night I… I tied one of the scarves that his mom kept around the house to cover up the hair loss in his mouth and told him he had to leave it there so he wouldn’t wake Will up anymore.”

“And then you kept doing it?” Hailey asks.

She’s trying hard to keep the sympathetic tone in her voice but it’s obvious that, as the details of what this woman had done to her partner are starting to unfold, anger is beginning to take over.

“Not every night, not at first.” Katherine says. “But once I’d done it once it got easier. And when I didn’t for a few days the lack of sleep would make me cranky, angry. It had been about a week that I hadn’t before the first time that he took it off. I woke up to him crying and I was confused because I knew I’d gagged him and I… when I went into his room he was crying. Said that he didn’t feel well and it had gotten hard to breathe. But I was tired and a selfish bitch so I tied the scarf back in his mouth and used a second one to tie his hands so he couldn’t take it out again. And then I went back to sleep.”

Katherine is crying now but Hailey is having a hard time finding any sympathy for her.

She’d tied up a crying, sick five year old and then left him to face his nightmares alone.

“That went on for a couple of months.” Katherine says. “And then one night Oscar showed up after I put the kids to bed. I thought he wanted to spend some time with me but he was more interested in Jay. And he… he started burning him with a cigar. I begged him to stop but he wouldn’t. I grabbed my phone to call… I don’t know, the police or my mom. That’s when Oscar told me that if I told anyone he would tell them what I’d done. That he’d say that it was me who burned him.”

“So you let him keep doing it.” Voight concludes, face steely.

“Yes.” Katherine admits. “For weeks. He would burn him and cut him and Jay would just cry the whole time. Until… one night he didn’t. He just laid there and didn’t make a sound the entire time. I called the police in the morning.”

“Did they know what you did?” Hailey asks.

“I admitted to everything.” she insists. “I got a deal in exchange for testifying against Oscar. It was expunged after I turned eighteen and there were no other charges but I… I know how badly I screwed up. Pat and Eileen trusted me with the most important things in their lives and I treated one of them with completely unforgivable cruelty.”

“Did you ever do anything to Will?” Voight asks.

“No.” she says. “He… he never cried or even woke up in the night. I don’t think he even knows what I did. I saw him at a church thing a few months later and he asked why I wasn’t watching them anymore. I didn’t even get the chance to answer him before Eileen showed up. And the look she gave me. I didn’t know it was possible to feel more guilty than I did then. Until I saw Jay the other day. Until I realized who he was and why he was looking at me that way.”

Hailey just raises an eyebrow as the woman looks at her.

“I’ll never be able to make up for what I did.” Katherine says. “I was stupid, selfish, immature and I will never forgive myself. I don’t expect you too either. That’s not why I’ve told you about what happened. I know how much seeing me again must have hurt him. He needs someone and you need to know what you’re helping him with.”

Hailey has heard enough.

She doesn’t know if she buys the woman’s remorse but she is right about one thing.

Her partner needs her.

Jay’s been a detective too long to not know the second he opens the door that Hailey knows everything.

“Come in.” he says, stepping back.

Hailey heads for his kitchen, wasting no time arranging their usual glasses of whiskey.

“How much do you know?” he asks, picking up his glass.

“Voight and I talked to Katherine.” Hailey tells him. “She told us everything she did to you and everything she let her boyfriend do to you.”

He nods, taking a gulp of the whiskey.

“I’m sorry, Jay.” she says, using holding her own glass to keep from reaching out for him.

“It was a long time ago.” he says.

“You were five.” Hailey says. “And you trusted her.”

“She was pretty cool.” Jay says, looking up at her. “She used to play with me at church functions when I was like two or three. Some of my earliest memories are of my mom talking to someone and she’d come over and play peek-a-boo. I was pretty excited mom told us that she was going to be watching us.”

Hailey’s stomach clenches. That knowledge only makes things worse.

“I thought she was actually trying to help me at first.” he admits. “I didn’t understand how but I… I thought she was my friend.”

“Why not say something when you realized?” she asks gently.

“Mom and dad needed her.” he says. “They couldn’t afford to pay someone to watch us. I’d heard mom say that Katie was a godsend. I knew that Will was losing sleep. And I heard Katie crying a couple times. I knew how tired she was, how hard my nightmares were on her.”

“You blamed yourself.” Hailey fills in.

“I was enough trouble.” Jay says. “For everyone. I didn’t want to be any more.”

“Oh Jay.” Hailey says, setting down her glass and stepping toward him.

“I know it’s not true now.” he says as she reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder. “But back then it felt like I just needed to shut my mouth.”

With a sob, Hailey pulls her partner into a tight hug.

“I’m not going to insult you by pretending you’re never any trouble.” she whispers. “There isn’t a person alive that doesn’t cause trouble from time to time and we both know that. But you are worth every bit of it, you hear me? You are worth everything.”

He hugs her back, letting his face rest against her shoulder.

[buffysummers]

on tonight's episode of "what the fucking fuck"

My dog, Anya, has been getting chronic ear infections since she turned 1. She's 3 now, and after spending thousands on vet bills (she basically had an infection every 6 weeks), my vet was like maybe you should go to the dermatologist. I was like, yeah, ok, makes sense. So, two months later (that's how long it takes to get an appointment) I finally go. Drop 463 dollars for them to check her ears out and give me medicine. But, like, that's just a temporary fix. A bandaid over a bullet hole, one might say. The issue is her allergies since that is what's causing her ear infections.

So, basically, I'm going to need to put her under anesthesia so they can do a deep cleaning of her ears (this is a part of her ear that I cannot reach to clean, and it's so close to the eardrum so she needs to be put under because if she moves, her eardrum could get punctured and rupture) and then they're going to do a skin allergy test. After that, once we determine what she is allergic to, they are gonna create a serum to either inject her with or give it to her by the mouth for like 8-12 months. It's meant to help her build up a slight immunity to it. (She could literally be allergic to grass lol like I feel like that is what's going on). She will never be 'cured' like you can't cure allergies, but she will at least not be miserable and getting infections every 6 weeks.

Long story short, they just told me the estimate is going to be 3,277 dollars. There is no way I can afford that I couldn't even afford the 463 dollars today lol. I want to die. I feel so badly for her I just want her to be healthy and happy but like, even my sister, who has a really good job and is engaged to someone who also has a really good job, would struggle to pay this. I feel sick. There is no insurance for me to use to make this cheaper. I am fucked.

I just needed a place to rant and panic so just ignore me but please send good vibes Anya's way <3 She is, at the moment, not itchy because of the treatment I got today.

[timeoverload]

I'm not really having a good day. I spent a lot of it getting lost in my head and thinking about stuff too much. I spent my free time reading about relationships because I don't have anyone I can go to for advice and I have never been in this situation before. The truth hurts and I feel foolish. I don't really want to talk about it at the moment because I don't want anyone to think I'm being annoying or nagging. I just know something is wrong and I'm not ok. Hopefully I will find the words to describe how I'm feeling and what is bothering me without sounding like an asshole. I hope that what I read isn't true and I'm just blowing things out of proportion. I don't want to believe it. I am not trying to worry anyone, I am just concerned about the future.

I also still don't know if I am going to make it to my appointment on the 12th. I don't know if you even care. If I do end up going, it will probably be my last appointment for several months. I don't want to interfere with your summer plans either because I'm sure you already have vacations booked for yourself since I know you do that every year. Unfortunately I can't really afford to keep coming to see you every month. I'm sorry I'm poor.

I'm also pissed that I didn't get a raise this year because I got a letter stating that they did a compensation study and my wage is appropriate based on my years of experience and the current market. I can't even afford my own place so I think it's bullshit. This is the first year I haven't gotten a pay increase. I can't find a job that I am qualified for that will pay me more than I make now.

It is probably going to cost at least $500 to get my car running. I need to pay my bills because I don't want to get sued again. I am going to try to get my neck x-ray on Friday too because I was laying in bed last night using my phone and my arms were tingly and kept going numb. It hurts a lot right now. I wish things would stop getting worse. I am starting to think someone put a curse on me or something because I am incredibly unlucky. Maybe something good will happen to me someday.

I'm extremely stressed but I think I'm going to try to enjoy my night anyway. I am going to bed early. I don't know how much I will be on tumblr this week. I'm not feeling very talkative. I think I need to focus on taking care of myself and making myself happy.

I hope everyone has a good day tomorrow. 💖💖💖