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kaidanalenkosprmanager · 5 months

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THE BEST OF SHENKO 1/?

The end of the world has a way of reminding you of all the things you forgot to say do. Mass Effect: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨#kaidan alenko #sophie shepard #EDI #shenko #fshenko #mass effect #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #OTP: you're real enough for me #i learned i am physically incapable of creating less than like 20 gifs at a time #but shenko stonks are up right now!!#gif’ing my favorite bisexuals gives me joy 🥹#even though ME2 is dry as shit for shenko content like it’s literally the sahara desert #like a whole ass 10 minutes max of cutscenes between shep and kaidan like come on #like 2 minutes in the prologue and like 8 minutes of cutscenes on horizon #and then an email and looking at the picture in your cabin before the suicide mission #i'm so sorry y'all ME2 shenko canon is absolute shit (besides kaidan being rightfully angry on horizon) which is why we ✨ignore it✨ 🥰#but i rant about ME2 VS treatment too much so i will not write another essay about it in the tags #i will say the EDI line isn't the exact quote from the game but i think about it a lot tbf #same with the quote i borrowed from anderson too lmao (which is also a tiny bit paraphrased)#i just love EDI asking shep for relationship advice when you get to follow shep and kaidan's relationship/struggles across 3 games #and anderson's quote about all the things you forgot to do in relation kahlee to is just *chef's kiss* when you think about shenko #like whether it starts in ME1 or ME3 shenko has some really fantastic moments across the series #two characters with strong morals who realize that they're falling in love and literally start to become each other's strength??#their soft place to land?? their support when they need it?? shenko will always have my heart #also the shenko quotes you get are the most fire thing in the world #you're real enough for me?? you make me feel human?? i want to be your strength- your soft place to land?? shenko you will always be famous #I FORGOT IM GONNA FIGHT LIKE HELL FOR THE CHANCE TO HOLD YOU AGAIN TOO LIKE??#but i’ll stop ranting now bc i do that wayyy to much in my tags lol. have a good day wherever you are! <3

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icewindandboringhorror · 2 months

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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol

#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations #with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really #have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a #few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government #Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i #all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue #option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to #do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from #and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random #little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag #or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol #ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched #out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is #One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work #on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol #Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since #they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game #takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding #enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration #of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting #to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol #I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest #of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need #at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically #outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol #ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh #also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh #wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel

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turtlespancake · 2 months

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me when i write a character who is prone to dooming themself and then they run off and doom themself. core traits are stubbornness and a willingness to disregard their own humanity gET BACK HERE IM NOT DONE WITH YOU

#rambling #surprisingly this is not about jakob.. im just really consistent about my favorite character archetypes 😭😭#WARNING THE NOTES ON THIS ARE REALLY LONG I STARTED RAMBLING #“ouhh i have a headache i'll just lie down and rotate my blorbos in no general direction for a while until it goes away” and then boom.#serious plot considerations. 2 questions answered 24million new questions raised. this is specifically Not what i asked for.#so now im sitting here STILL dizzy running mental calculations on how i can get this bitch out of peril without reworking everything #but they literally keep dying in every timeline 😭😭 every single plausible road leads to them running off and screwing themself over #“character who doesn't realize they want to live until it's way too late to look back” VS #“character who is forced to live and handle the things they never though they'd survive long enough to deal with” FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.#fucking hell i have never had this much trouble writing a character as i have with them #they genuinely do just run off and do shit without my permission and then i have to pace for an hour or two wondering #“ok they wOULD do that. but should they. do i feel like i can confidently write that.”#im like constantly in this tug of war trying to get them to CHILL #but also they are absolutely my favorite character from the entire project. but like. FUCK GET BACK HERE #is death the most satisfying end to this arc? is someone who was Set on dying then NOT dying the most satisfying end to the arc?#how many bridges can you burn until you irreparably set yourself aflame too?#would ghost or revival plotline work?? would it make sense with the worldbuilding??#do i just Like Them enough to want them to not die?? where do i draw the line between personal bias and a good arc?#is death not feeling as impactful as survival solely because i've been writing for so long that it's lost the initial impact?#and other such plot considerations...#im gonna have such an easy time writing another character though 😭😭 because THAT character's dynamic in the second act #is to stare at character 1 and be like “why are you like this. i mean i know Why but can you chill. please.” and like damn bro me too #actually wait no i think kaey.a is the hardest character i've ever written i take it back #had to worry about his 20million facades AND his Actual feelings AND canon compliance. shit is hard #i still havent finished the k/aeya fic i started back when the chasm first released which is uhh. two years ago. oops.#i think i struggle writing emotionally repressed liars i think thats what this is 😭😭 anyways.#(voice of guy who has been obsessed with nonlinear narratives and tragedies for several years):#“is it too much to kill this character in a nonlinear exploration game with tragic elements”#like bitch what are you talking about 😭😭 YOU'RE the target audience here figure it out #sorry the notes on this are just my writing journal now apparently

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djsangos · 4 months

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//y'all i think i saw my fucking middle school boyfriend who dumped me over text after a week at the fucking HEB?????

#the same one who. NINE YEARS after he dumped me over text AFTER A WEEK OF BARELY DATING #messaged me on instagram ASKING TO GET BACK TOGETHER #AND I HAD TO TELL HIM THE NEWS THAT UR TOO LATE BRO I REALIZED THAT I'M A FUCKING LESBIAN NOW #AND WAS IN A DIFFERENT STATE AT THE TIME #i don't think he recognized me at all but. fucking god.#small hometown drama amirite #like it almost guarantees that you're gonna fucking run into people you had shit with in school #it's times like these i really hate that i had to move back 😔#(i'm. surprised it took me damn near 2 fucking years to even fucking catch a glimpse of him if he really was still here all this time)#(like i've run into high school friends before)#ooc

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eclarinet · 2 months

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same soup... different day

#hello it is sarah in the tags again #i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again #venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone #anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin #back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye #anyway this time i'd come in for the big D #i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong #i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety #its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc #anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the #isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers #isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and #i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic #anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing #i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche #also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like #ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it #and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this

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bookwyrminspiration · 2 months

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i am sending you virtual brownies and rage room tickets <3

swamp cooler's malfunctioning and I woke up with a headache, time to go break shit <3

#quil's queries #lgbtqforeverything #i have actually floated the idea of looking into rage rooms in my area #but there's the matter of like. if I do that. my mom's going to ask where i'm going #and neither of my parents are people I want to divest in #not because they're bad parents I just. don't like confiding in them.#like i know i'll always be their kid. but i don't like how that exacerbates being treated like a kid #you know?#and this in particular is. not something to bring to them. so #anyway. thought about rage rooms. or breaking shit at home #but i'm always like. the actual breaking is so fleeting. and then you're just left with a mess #and I think that. would take a lot of the catharsis or satisfaction out of it #and then i'd just be like great. you broke those plates. it took 2 seconds. and now you have to clean it up. was it worth it?

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mikumoroll · 2 months

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sometimes u just have to be really nice to people that are being willfully obtuse because u know theyre just more mentally ill than u are and that's,.... that's life. sometimes. that is life moderating a phobia subreddit with 23k people on it where a majority of them refuse to recover or even simply practice harm reduction!

#'i wasn't reassurance seeking!' you say to me #but i removed your post because you wrote 'i'm terrified to start this medication because i read it causes nausea/vomiting'#which directly was proceeded by -> 'did anyone on this medication have bad n*?'#BONK! reassurance seeking!#AND i doubly removed it because they asked a medical question!!! 'can i take anti-nausea medication?' ask A DOCTOR NOT THE INTERNET.#ANDDDDD THEY SAID TO ME. NO SHIT. 'I SAW OTHER PEOPLE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT MEDICATIONS A FEW YEARS AGO'#A FEW ****YEARS**** AGO.#HAVE YOU SEEN ANY RECENTLY? NO?? BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN REMOVING THEM ALL! BECAUSE THEY'RE AGAINST THE RULES NOW!!!#God.#even better was them being like 'oh i posted it on r/depression and r/anxiety too so i'll just get my answers there'#okay girl tell me you're reassurance seeking then! be so serious!!!#like do people think i'm stupid. is that it. do you think i can't read?#anyways....#txt #also 2 be so clear i genuinely was nice in the messages i sent directly to them. i am not an animal #im simply venting in the privacy of my blog with only 16 mutuals <3

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vriendenboekjes · 11 months

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was really fucking difficult at the doctor's office today because i found their healthcare lacking and now i havent received a confirmation email for my appt. tomorrow and i'll need to call them like heeeeeyyy what appointment did you actually schedule for me. kms.

#🌬️#doctor yesterday didnt actually submit the form for my blood test so today me and my mom had to FIGHT for me to get blood work done and #tomorrow im coming in for additional tests because THATS when yesterday's guy is working again. and then the assistent can ask what he #wanted to test. and i might have a call with him to see if i'll stay with him for now or get a different dr on my case.#because this guy was shit the previous time i saw him as well. i was deeply unwell and he was like oh can you make a log of how well you're #sleeping 🤪 yeah man im sure at the time my inability to sit up for more than 2 hrs a day was caused by bad sleep #i think i'll call towards 3 or 4 hopefully they work in shifts and i won't have to talk to the same ppl 😭😭😭😭

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anxiously-sidequesting · 1 year

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GODS I KEEP THINKING ABT LIKE. YOU MENTIONED HOLLY ASKING WHEN THEY GET TO GO HOME AND SHE JUST CANT AND

it's so painful to think abt because yes, the spiral is going to be saved because of the prophecy, and all these lives are saved - but ambrose really went "needs of the many" and basically deprived a whole child of their personhood and maybe even their identity outside of "savior of the spiral" with the depersonalization of the wizard and how it starts with literally entering the wizard world. you pick a new name for your wizard and you very much can Tell that most names like that dont exist where the YW came from so their initial identity gets erased and then the NEW identity they try to build gets erased too to the point where i have to be impressed but also severely worried that the the YW is STILL internalizing how they feel and being essentially constantly sent on more quests and

this is complete rambling that probably hardly makes sense but god its just how screwed up w101's plot is deep down

YOU'RE SO RIGHT ABOUT THE ERASURE AND DEPERSONALIZATION, YOUR BRAIN IS ON

Like that's something so interesting to think about like how and why did the YW choose their new name? Did Ambrose choose it for them; did he merely encourage them to take on a more "appropriate" identity to match their new culture?? Did the Wizard ever want to change their name in the first place? How does their name change affect their journey and their personality going forwards?

And you're so right because like in a sense, you're literally CREATING a new character to fit into this new world. Irl you're choosing their appearance, their name and their gender, everything. Build-A-Bear starting from scratch. And even though the character creation bit has no underlying meaning to it, I think it unintentionally has such a heavy metaphor that you are no longer a human from Earth, but a Wizard in the Spiral. You're not "Holly LastName" with regular Earth clothes, you're now "Holly Steelcry" with a bitchin' purple and yellow outfit that is now SUITED for the Spiral. Yippee!!!

Like I don't even think the Pirate goes through this shit; weren't they born in the Spiral? Like didn't they have parents that were originally FROM the Spiral in the first place???? It's just the Wizard that's been yoinked from their original homeland and into a new one 💀

And that's one of the things that Holly learns throughout their life in the Spiral - is that her Earth self, her original personality and heritage... is not enough. What they were before was not what the Spiral needed. The world doesn't want Holly, it wants Holly STEELCRY. Their family, friends, pets, past hobbies and their ultimate sacrifice in leaving them behind is not what matters to Ambrose, to the Council of Light, to the entire universe. What everyone needed was a HERO and Holly was NOT a hero, which is why they made her INTO one. Unfortunately, it was that erasure and depersonalization you mentioned that Ambrose, and later Holly themself, thought was necessary in order to save everyone. Now you have a Wizard who may or may not be an entirely different person than what you started out with and for NO GOOD REASON. It's that "sacrifice yourself for others" trope that I love and hate so much 😭😭😭😭😭

#i love your takes honestly im holding them in my heart #AND NONE OF US ARE THINKING ABOUT THIS WHEN WE MAKE OUR CHARACTERS RIGHT? WE'RE ENJOYING PLAYING THE GAMR #but then when you're autism like me (/hj) you just GOTTA think about the implications. you just gotta #why couldnt ambrose let us keep our original name? why couldnt he at least let us visit our home from time to time #was the world transfer PERMANENT? are we there for life now???? is ambrose like phsyically UNABLE to send us back???#because if he knew taking us to the spiral was permanent and still brought us here. thats terrible #but what if it was entirely possible to send us back in intervals but he never thought to like. tell us this #because he wants to keep us in the spiral at all times to keep everyone safe from harm #so either ambrose is 1. lying by omission to keep us where he wants us to be #2. knew beforehand we would not be able to return to earth upon bringing us to the spiral and still did it #or 3. just didnt think about this shit before during or after he did it but since we're here anyways might as well make the best of it #for me personally ambrose falls into the 3rd option but he would be so much more interesting if he was 1 or 2 #this turned into ambrose for some reason im sorry. i just love/hate him alot but its not about him right now #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #asks #pierrotfakinami

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violettierre · 5 months

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I : majored in english, has a masters degree in it, studying philosophy, and have been an English teacher/Junior translator for almost a decade now.

My grandma : there is our future doctor <3

#i still to this day don't know if she's in denial or thinks what i'm doing is a hobby #it gets funnier every time #especially today #i was like 'mimma i just came back from work i'm so tired' and she was like 'i make food right now for our future doctor'#like ???????#grandma i love your food pls don't give it to someone else #who doctor ? doctor who ?#me ??????#that is so NOT my career #my already existing one that i fought my entire bloodline for put aside #i can never be a good doctor let alone willingly choose it #1) i suck at biology and science and those pure memorization shit #2) i'm really sensitive to blood or injuries i might faint at just the mention of certain stuff (surgeries are crossed off i would DIE)#3) it's just not meant to be and that's okay #as a society we can't survive with one or two careers all of them are important in their own way #an exercise i would usually tell my students to do at this topic #is everytime you feel like someone's job is useless to close your eyes and imagine a world without it #if i managed to convince them hurray to them #if i didn't i ask them to imagine someone they care for work hard then get told their job is useless #(that on usually does the trick)#the thing is even if you're stuck with a job you hate or can't find a better one #there's still some impotance to that job in a way like they offer service or blah blah #yet it will suffocate you because it's not the career you were meant to have #that summed up means the work environment/pressure/nature are what we really define as useless because they can be unfair #but not the work itself #when we delete those previous stuff off the definition all careers are equally important #i hope i was clear #and i also hope my grandma remembers that too #story time

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thesmallworldofsamizayn · 7 months

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i have something very personal and ugly and probably incoherent that i need to get off my chest about israel. to preface im not a zionist, i am jewish and disgusted by israel on a daily basis, and this is me mostly speaking from that. i am sorry and if anyone who follows me doesn't want to read this from me/hates it i ask that you just scroll on by and forget it. and if you do read it and respond im happy to talk but just please take it in good faith. in reponse to this post

#it's not black and white. maybe in purely theoretical moral dilemma terms it seems that way. but not in reality.#what do you do with an israel that should not exist on principle but does? it does and the people in it have been there for generations now #and it's jewish. this DOES complicate things and i wish people would stop pretending it doesn't.#it makes everything literally everything so. fucking. complicated.#cause you end up with this implicit ultimatum: side with hamas or be a zionist. what other options are there under this world view #if you only think israel should stop mass murdering palestinians but speak in favour of 2 state solution or talk about 'right to exist'#are you saying you're fine with everything else; the occupation was justified just not outright genocide?#it always has to go back to the ideological origin of zionism which means a call to abolish the state of israel entirely.#and in parallel if you talk of atrocities on 7 october or terrorists this takes away from the palestinian struggle right #because hamas are the armed resistance to israel and to call for their condemnation to withdraw support from the unrwa #is to renounce solidarity with the palestinian cause in any way that matters. do you really care if you deny them the right to resist?#but here's the other side. you just cannot ask this of jews. maybe some jews but the vast majority? telling them they need #to essentially throw their support behind an organisation that hates their existence?#hamas ARE antisemitic. the houthis are antisemitic #it's a different kind of antisemitism to the white/aryan supremacist kind. it's complex and it comes with an actual weight of grievances #but it's still antisemitism. the future desired by the resistance is not kind to jews certainly not in palestine and realistically #not anywhere else either. islamophobia and antisemitism have both seen huge upticks since 7 october. do you think it's just #nazis and far right bigots enjoying free reign? no. there is a real inter ethnic inter religious hatred here. you can't just wish it away #there's a real sense i get from the circles i follow here that you have to be 'all in' with your activism or else your views are worth shit #but then i guess it's okay if your wholehearted antizionist rhetoric is just a bit antisemtic as well or supports those who are #so yeah actually for jews this is not an easy solution. at least for this jew it is not. the only uncomplicated thing for me #s seeing what israel does and calling it a crime against humanity and demanding an immediate ceasefire #talking unreservedly about the evil that israel has committed against palestinians for decades #i wish it was as uncomplicated as going from that to saying israel needs to disappear completely. but im jewish and i have a jewish family.#i cant boycott my father like a problematic celebrity for getting upset when i said israel should never have been established at all #i cant sit in judgment of every jew who feels some personal connection to israel when i'm 2 degrees removed from victims of 7 october #anyway. me personally i fucking loathe israel. not Just Its Government i hate the mocking cruelty of its army and many people in it #and also for how it is tied up with jewish identity despite me wanting no part of it. whether i like it or not.

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bunnyb34r · 8 months

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Really wish this brain fog would pass bc I have a shitload of posts in my drafts i saved bc i wanted to read them but my brain said no. And it's tax season so I'm getting important papers in the mail and I cant fucking read them. Well I can read them but it's just words. Nothing is connecting up there. Thank god mom is here to help read that shit and translate but fuck do I hate this shit

Why can't my brain fucking WORK

#it feels like when i kept getting concussions in 9th grade (had 4) and i couldnt fucking focus and my reaction time dropped significantly #like we were doing a basic reaction time experiment in science and i said oh lets not use mine when we submit it (group of 3 pick best #result) and my friends were like pfft whatever go. and i did and they got real quiet and were like oh...#bc they didnt realize i was concussed concussed like bitch my ability to vaguely see in the dark is GONE i cannot see my rt is SLOWED #my brain cannot WORK RIGHT #it's recovered since then (yay neuroplasticity) but i still have bad brain fog from fibro and it's like god at least when I was concussed i #could easily be like listen i had 4 concussions i need help. no problem. but with brain fog it feels like give me a min im stupid today #i hate it!! i hate feeling broken i hate feeling like my brain is half working! it sucks!!#i got insurance shit the other day and had to ask my mom to make sure it was just a basic 'yeah youre covered heres more access' and not #something i needed to act on and it was so frustrating #marquilla #and whats worse is sometimes ill be talking or typing and think im making sense and then ill look back at it later or someone will ask me ab #it and its like oh... im sorry my brain is not working atm and i cannot get out what im trying to and what is getting out is jumbled #the absolute worst is when it hits when im driving and it's like hey you're 2 hours away from home snd now LOST get home bitch :)#luckily it only happened when i was 40 min from home and in a familiar enough area but my brain couldnt find the right 'path'#sucked but i actually knew i was actually on the right path when i saw this house with a lesbian flag sgsgdgdgdgdgdgd like oh! here!!

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theradicalace · 1 year

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there's two guys at this bus stop fighting SO loudly 💀

#ace rambles #over the Dumbest shit too i'm pretty sure it was literally over a seat on the bench #dude one had his bags on the seat and dude two started going on about that being rude #i literally got up and offered to let him have the seat cause the bus is pulling up in like 5 minutes #but he refused to take it and it frankly just made both of them angrier #dude one seemed offended on my behalf that dude two had ''made a woman move''#both of them were swearing and raising their voices and dude two was hurling slurs like a hobby #they've quieted down now but damn #all that over a bus stop bench that literally has a free seat now??#funniest part is that both of them were trying to involve me #dude one kept going ''you're scaring her 😡''#and at one point he called dude two a bitch and denied it #and dude two goes ''you DID call me a bitch just ask her 😡''#like okay 1) don't drag me into this and 2) i am not the dainty little princess you seen to think i am. i am in fact a guy

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tardis--dreams · 2 years

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I talked to my professor yesterday and I have some thoughts but it's too exhausting to rant rn. But there will be. Ranting.

#nice guy #in general #but bro my friend my dude #i know it's MY fault i didn't get my shit together earlier. could have done that 2 years ago. my bad. BUT #in this particular situation HE is at least 50% to blame for this mess #because i asked him SIX months ago if he could supervise me and told him i had a lot of time pressure #and he insisted i take his stupid seminar #i told him essentially Every week i had time pressure and would like to finish my thesis asap #but i couldn't start working until i had the presentation and that was too late and then fell together with everything else #so now I'm here having EXISTENTIAL DREAD and YES I'M BLAMING YOU MY FRIEND! Like. at least 50%#agreed. it is my fault i didn't do it WAYYYY earlier #but it's not like i didn't tell him for the past 6 months what my deadline was #anyway #i talked about me getting unenrolled from my masters program and i mentioned that'd I'd have to drop out of university #if i couldn't do next semester and i think that made him take me seriously lol #because he went 'ok. i don't think this'll work out in February so let's see if i find a second examiner who'd be willing to do ot #in 6 weeks instead of 8 so you'd have until mid march'#so nice enough #but he said twice something along the lines 'you're putting us in a difficult situation'#BITCH *YOU* PUT *ME* IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION #I'm not putting you anywhere #i didn't even ask for him to do it faster #i really just explained the stakes here. it's not like i force him to correct my shit with 2 weeks less time #and both times he said it i had to literally hold myself back from saying something like 'yeah I mean it's not like i told you MONTHS ago #and i would have loved to do it last semester break but you forced me to take your seminar so idk what you want from me bro'#again. TOTALLY my fault for letting it get this far in the first place but absolutely at least half his fault for it to get this far #in that particular situation #again. it's nice enough he considered doing it in 6 weeks and asking his colleague to be the second examiner #(my boss. from the German department. i cry lmao)#(now i ended up ranting anyway. and hit tag limit. whoops.)

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rosesradio · 2 years

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#not to sound like a 36 y/o incel living in his mom's basement #but i sure do hate when my mom comes in my room to 'check out' certain things like plugs and my (candle) collections and things #she doesn't say anything and when i ask what she's doing she's like 'it's my room/house i can come in here when i want'#1.) no #2.) privacy??#3.) girl it is not your house you have never paid for anything with your own money once in your life #4.) i'm confident she does this on purpose to make me anxious about her going through my stuff--#--because she doesn't really go through my stuff now that i'm grown (that i know of) but when i was in ms & hs? oh my god #nothing was safe. anything not completely hidden in four layers of stuff she was entirely entitled to #once i was grounded for like 4 months bc my instagram had little (shitty) drawings of The Gays #she didn't say that was why she was just like 'you're spending too much time online i think' but like. yeah.#but also if i was drawing Heterosexual HP Shit i'd be 'super talented' etc #anyways now i'm anxious about her going through my stuff again <33 time to double-check all my hiding places--#filed under: posts i will probably delete in like 5 minutes #tw vent

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1007xf · 1 month

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Hm? Is it last week of August?? Looks like it's be depressed about how you've not done anything the entire summer and are still the same stunted loser time. Again.

#[vent]#uuuuuuuughhhhh #I feel like all I've been doing is rotting in my room all day and like yeah.that is literally all I have done the past month #I hate everything I hate the passage of time and I.Hate.High School!!!!!!!#I don't want to go back thereeeee #I camnot do 2 more years of that shit #I don't want to go back to being talked about behind my back and at this point straight up bullied by like 8 people at once #and 8 is lowballing it btw #most beautiful years of your life my ass #people my age straight up scare me now I can't be in a room FULL of them everyday for 2 more fucking years #and when I say they scare me i mean like. if I see another older teenager/young adult on the street I will literally start sweating/shaking #I know it's exaggeration on my part but I can't help it anytime I hear anybody laugh in public I just assume it's at me #I may have anxiety problems BUT WHO KNOWS RIGHT #ugh.#and that's all without the fucking.academic performance shit #god my head hurts just thinking about it #hey guys :) did you ever want to :) purposefully get worse grades :) because you're scared if you keep getting good ones :)#you'll get bullied and judged even harder for it :) cause i sure have :)#I can't fucking do that eeither though my parents would kill me #they have high expectations of me and I like it when they praise me....... a part of me just wants praise praise praiss all the time #I wish I was homeschooled #I miss the pandemic #...#(ugh this isn't the notes app bro who asked you)

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