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#i think i can be done by this time next week but i don't know if that's wise. i'll see i suppose.
lee-laurent · 2 days
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All Wrong - Luke Hughes
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Summary: Jack needs some help from Sadie, but Sadie finds another Hughes brother much more interesting.
content: fluff, angst, fake dating, kissing, making out, teasing, dirty jokes, underage drinking
wc: 11.6k
notes: HERE IT IS! MY LONGEST FIC EVER!!!! enjoy!!
"Sadie, it's not like I'm asking you to marry me. It's just for the summer so she leaves me alone," Jack pleaded from his spot on the girl's couch.
"Just tell her you're not interested or that you have a girlfriend. This seems overboard."
"That won't stop her. Trust me."
"Then why would me being there change that?"
"You're intimidating, Sadie. You'll look at her once and she'll run home like a puppy with its tail tucked between its legs."
"Jack..."
"Sadie, please! Didn't you say your parents had been on your ass about having a boyfriend? See this could benefit both of us."
"I-"
"Sadie!" Jack's tone had shifted from being teasing to almost desperate. "You don't get it! This girl... she doesn't take 'no' for an answer. Trust me... I've tried."
Sadie crossed her arms over her chest, settling further into the couch. "So your brilliant plan involves be pretending to be madly in love with you instead? Egotistical much."
"Shut up. If you're there, she'll see we're serious and she'll back off."
"And you don't think this is going to backfire? Or, I don't know, create a whole mess of awkwardness between us?" Sadie tilted her head, waiting for his response.
"It'll be fine. We're friends, right? We've kissed when we were drunk. We can handle a little fake dating for a few weeks. Plus, the thing with your parents... win-win?"
She sighed, feeling like she was fighting a battle she was gonna lose no matter what. She had mentioned it in passing--how her parents were always asking why she wasn't dating anyone. But this? Fake dating Jack? It sounded like the plot of a rom-com gone wrong.
"I don't know, Jack."
"Look, we'll just keep it simple. I won't make it weird, I promise. We'll hang at the lake house, do the whole 'couple' thing, and by the end of the summer, it's done. You're free. I'm free. And maybe we can get a few laughs out of it."
It sounded insane. Jack was her friend--her close friend--and she could see in his eyes how desperately he wanted her to say yes.
"You really think this will work?"
"Trust me. She'll be running away by the end of the first week."
With a heavy sigh, she finally nodded. "Fine. I'll do it. But you owe me."
"Deal! I owe you big time! But you won't regret this, Sades. It's going to be great!"
She wasn't so sure. It felt so much more complicated than Jack was letting on.
~~
A couple weeks later, Sadie found herself standing on the driveway of the Hughes' lake house. She was standing next to Jack, picking at the chipped nail polish on her fingers. She genuinely felt like she could puke.
"Relax, Sadie," Jack grinned, holding their suitcases. "It's gonna be great."
She narrowed her eyes, but didn't respond. His grin didn't falter, and he motioned with his head for her to walk toward the house. The second her foot hit the first step, the door flew open and Ellen came out with a smile on her face. A smile scarily similar to Jack's.
"You must be Sadie! It's so nice to meet you," she said warmly, wrapping the 21-year-old in a tight hug.
"Oh, uh, yeah. That's me," Sadie stammered, trying to return the hug without looking too awkward. It was one thing to pretend around Jack and whoever this scary neighbour girl was, but in front of his family was a whole other can of worms. It felt so much more real.
"We're so excited to have you here! Jack never stops talking about you."
"Doesn't he?" Sadie smirked, turning around to glance at her 'boyfriend' who was pretending he couldn't hear the conversation.
Before she could ask anymore, Ellen was leading her into the home with a hand on her back. "Come in! I'm just finishing getting dinner ready, and the rest of the family should be here soon. Quinn and Jim were picking Luke up from school, so the three of them will be here around 9."
"Moose's coming?" Jack piped up, dropping their bags on the floor. "I thought he wasn't gonna make it this year."
"Changed his mind last minute. We'll all be together," Ellen grinned, wiping her hands on a dish towel.
"I'm gonna show Sadie around upstairs, we'll be back down for dinner in like ten minutes."
"Sounds good. I left some fresh towels for you on Jack's bed."
"Oh. Thank you."
"No worries. You two go get settled."
Sadie followed Jack up the creaky wooden stairs, her mind still spinning from meeting Ellen. Everything about the situation felt real. Too real. Way, way too real.
"Your mom is... intense," she muttered, walking into the hallway as Jack pushed open the door to the room they'd be sharing for the summer.
"Yeah, well, that's Mom for you. She loves you already," Jack grinned, throwing himself onto the bed. He stretched out, folding his arms behind his head as if he was relaxed as ever. Like they weren't lying to his entire family.
Sadie sat awkwardly on the foot of the bed, scanning the room. It was cozy. A few posters on the walls, hockey-themed of course, and an old wooden dresser in the corner. The window overlooked the lake and Sadie thought she could fall in love with the idea of living here for the summer pretty quickly.
"So, we're sharing this bed, I take it?" she raised an eyebrow.
Jack chuckled, patting the matress next to him. "Come on, Sades. We're dating, remember? Gotta sell it."
She rolled her eyes, scooting up to sit next to Jack. "Just remember this is fake. No funny business, Hughes."
"I know, I know. Jeez. I already told you, I'm not gonna make it weird. Just for the summer. Then we're free."
She shook her head, already regretting everything. She had agreed to the plan, but now that she was there, standing in their home, sharing a bed--it all felt too close for comfort.
"Speaking of Luke. You didn't mention that your brothers were gonna be here."
"They're chill. Don't stress. Moose has been busy with shit at Umich and Quinn in Vancouver. They'll just be happy to relax. Plus, they don't usually care about talking girls and stuff. So they won't grill you. If anything, they'll give me shit for dating someone so out of my league."
"I'll believe it when I see it, Jack."
Jack snickered, standing up and walking over to the side of the bed she was on. He leaned down, his tone teasing. "Come on, Sades. Let's go down and eat dinner like a happy couple."
"You're so fucking annoying."
~~
Dinner went surprisingly smoothly. Ellen had a special way of making everything seem casual and lighthearted. Jack, of course, had been his usual... charming self, playing the role of the perfect doting boyfriend. He was good at it, touching her back lightly, pulling her chair out for her, and even dropping the occasional kiss on the top of her head.
It should've made her cringe, but instead she found it... comforting?
Ellen had asked the usual 'parent' questions--how they met, what Sadie was studying, if she liked hockey (which of course she had to answer yes to, knowing full well the consequences of not liking hockey in the Hughes household). Sadie played along, forcing herself to laugh at Jack's shit jokes and add details to the story they'd created on the drive up.
"Jack, why don't you take Sadie down to the dock and watch the sunset over the lake" Ellen suggested, clearing the table of plates. "It's beautiful tonight."
"Good idea, Mom," Jack agreed, standing up and taking Sadie's hand with a grin.
"Sure, sounds nice," Sadie forced a smile, trying not to feel awkward holding Jack's hand in front of his mother.
They walked out towards the dock, the cool air helping lift the weight of the day away. The lake stretched out before them, the water reflecting the orange and pink hues of the sunset. Sadie loved scenes like that. They brought her so much peace.
"You're doing great, by the way, Sadie."
She snorted, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I feel like I'm in some weird improv exercise. Just waiting for someone to figure out I don't belong here."
"They're not going to figure anything out," he whispered. "You've got this."
Lying to his family felt wrong, even if it was supposed to be for a good cause. Or at least a cause that Jack thought was good.
"This is going to be a very draining summer," she sighed.
"You wanna go to bed?"
"No, I need to stay up and meet your brothers and your dad."
"They'll still be here in the morning, Sades. If you want to go to sleep, nobody is gonna stop you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, come on. Let's get you some sleep."
~~
"Who's shoes are those?" Luke asked, closing the front door behind him.
"Jack's girlfriend's! You just missed her, she went to sleep about half an hour ago," Ellen smiled, pulling her youngest son into a hug.
"His girlfriend?"
"Yes! Sadie is her name. Such a nice girl. Very pretty too."
Luke looked back down at the shoes again, his mind still trying to catch up with what his mom was saying. Jack's girlfriend? The words felt so unfamiliar. Jack didn't talk about dating much, at least not in a serious way, so hearing about Sadie--a girl he apparently cared enough about to bring home--caught him so off guard.
"Yeah. Jack didn't mention much about her."
"He didn't? Oh, well, you'll meet her in the morning," she reached up to ruffle his hair, like he was still a little kid playing chase around the house with his brothers. "She's lovely. A little shy at first, but I'll sure she'll warm up to everyone. Probably just worried about making a good first impression."
Luke nodded, but inside his curiousity was growing. Shy? He hadn't heard Jack describe anyone as shy in, well, ever. Jack's type was the total opposite--bold, confident, the kind of girl that could hang with his rowdy ass friends without missing a beat. This Sadie girl was starting to sound a lot different than that.
"Well, let's get you boys fed before we all call it a night," Jim said, patting Luke's shoulder as he passed. "Your mom saved us some leftovers from dinner."
Luke followed his dad and Quinn into the kitchen, but his thoughts were still on the mysterious girl that had apparently stolen his brother's heart. Jack had never even mentioned a Sadie before and suddenly she was at the lake house. It all felt off.
~~
Sadie woke up feeling as sweaty as ever. The house had AC but Jack was like a personal heater and somehow they'd ended up spooning at some point in the night. There was a thin layer of sweat between her back and Jack's chest and she felt disgusting.
Groaning quietly, she pulled herself out of his grip, using her shirt to wipe her back. Jack was still fast asleep, the duvet kicked around his feet. Typical. Jack could sleep through a fucking earthquake.
She swung her legs out of bed and padded to the bathroom, hoping a splash of cold water would make her feel more like herself. She thought about what Jack had said last night--about how nobody would figure them out. But staring at herself in the mirror, she felt like it was written all over her face.
She didn't belong here.
She threw on the first clothes she could find, a pair of jean shorts and one of Jack's many Devils t-shirts. By the time she made her way downstairs, the kitchen was already bustling. Ellen was preparing breakfast while Jim sat at the table sipping a cup of coffee.
"Morning, Sadie! Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, thanks," she forced a smile.
"Jack still asleep?"
"Out cold."
Ellen chuckled, shaking her head. "Sounds about right."
Sadie smiled, but before she could respond, the sound of footsteps behind her caught her attention. She turned just as Luke appeared in the doorway, fresh from a morning run, judging the sweat on his forehead and the way his grey shirt clung to his torso.
For a moment, neither of them spoke. Luke's eyes landed on her, sharp and curious. There was something about the way he looked at her that made her feel like he was sizing her up--not in a rude way, but in a way that made her stomach flip uncomfortably.
"You must be Sadie," he made his way further into the kitchen. "I'm Luke."
"Yeah," she extended her hand to him. "Nice to meet you."
Luke shook her head, his grip firm but brief. His blue eyes lingered on hers for a second longer than she expected before he pulled away, glancing towards the coffeemaker.
"You're the one who got Jack all domestic?" he teased, grabbing a mug. "Didn't see that coming."
She laughed softly, "I don't know about 'domestic,' but... I guess I'm the one who convinced him to bring me here."
Luke smirked, like he wasn't entirely buying it. "Yeah. I guess."
Sadie got cut off again, but this time by Quinn entering the room. "Ah, so this is the famous Sadie! Nice to finally put a face to the name."
Thank God for Quinn.
~~
Sadie sat on the dock, her feet dangling over the water, her book open on her lap. Jack and Quinn had gone to get the boat from the marina and Sadie had taken the opportunity to relax a bit.
She had laid a towel under her, Jack's t-shirt removed because she was not about to get a farmer's tan. She was basking in the sun, feeling the gentle warmth of the sun on her extremely pale skin. The world around her disappearing as she flipped through the novel. She was really enjoying it until she came to a parapgraph about suspicion. It took her right back to her interaction with Luke that morning. It was like he saw right through her, could sense all the cracks in her story. She had to be careful, maybe Luke was smarter than he seemed.
But footsteps on the dock behind her broke her train of thought. She glanced over her should, expecting to see that either Jack or Quinn had returned with the car from the marina, but it was Luke. He wasn't in the workout clothes he'd been wearing earlier, now dressed in a white t-shirt and board shorts, clearly ready for a swim.
"You mind if I join?" Luke asked, the same playful charm in his voice that Jack carried.
"Sure, it's your family's dock after all."
Luke smirked, dropping a towel beside her before sitting down, his legs also hanging over the water. He didn't say anything for awhile, just stared out over the water. Sadie went back to reading, well now she was pretending to read, her main focus being on how closely he was sitting next to her.
"So," he broke the silence. "How'd you and Jack meet?"
There it was--more lying about her and Jack. Sadie knew Luke was already suspicious of her, so she had to play her cards right. She looked up from her book, trying to keep her body language calm. "Friends. Some of his, uh, his friends go to school with me. So..."
"Friends, huh?" He was testing her, waiting for her to trip up.
"Yeah, like slow burn," she shrugged. "We hung out with a big group of friends first. You know how it goes."
Luke was silent for a moment, staring down at the waves lapping the dock. "Yeah, I guess, I do. Jack's never mentioned you before."
Sadie felt her stomach lurch, but she forced a smile. "Well, we kept things on the down-low for a while. Just us. It's still... kinda new."
"Makes sense," Luke's tone made it clear he wasn't entirely convinced. He shifted, resting his elbows on his knees, staring out at the lake again. "Just seems strange, I guess. Jack never brings girls here. And then... suddenly, you."
"I guess I'm just lucky," she swallowed harshly.
For a moment, she thought he might say something else--might press her further--but instead, he stood up and grabbed his towel.
"I'll leave you to it. Nice talking, Sadie," he walked off, completely disregarding the fact that he had clearly come out to swim. She just watched him retreat. It was clear he didn't trust her, hopefully Jack could fix that. She didn't need him figuring anything out before the trip was over. That was certain.
~~
The sound of the boat engine humming across the water was the perfect background noise on a sunny afternoon. Sadie sat on the edge, occasionally letting her fingers trail through the lake below. Jack was steering them out to the centre of the water, Quinn sat up front basking in the sun, and Luke leaned casually against the small railing on the side.
"You ever driven one of these?" Luke asked, nodding towards the steering wheel.
Sadie looked over to Jack, who was too busy concentrating on his driving to respond. She smirked, "Jack never lets anyone take the wheel. He likes to be in control."
Quinn laughed, "Sounds about right. Captain Jack, over here. Watch out Sadie or he might start asking you to call him that."
"Don't give him any ideas," she groaned, flicking her gaze back to Jack. She really hoped that the banter seemed real and not forced.
"You love it, Sades! You're just mad because you can't even drive a car for shit."
"Hey! You've never given me a chance on a boat," she shot back, standing up and making her way to Jack.
"I think I have a good reason."
Sadie placed a hand on his shoulder, leaning in closer as she laughed. It felt so strange to have to be so physically close to Jack on purpose, but she was learning to fake it well. "Maybe I'll surprise you one day."
Quinn chuckled, "Honestly, Rowdy, give her a shot. What's the worst that could happen?"
"She crashes into the dock?" Jack raised an eyebrow, still smirking, one of his hands casually finding it's way around Sadie's bare waist. She stiffened slightly at first, but relaxed quickly after reminding herself to play the part.
"I'm more worried about you crashing into the dock," Sadie shot back.
Luke, who had been silently observing the whole ordeal, cracked a grin. "She's probably better at steering than you think, Jack. You're just a control freak."
Sadie stole a glance, glad to see Luke was no longer sending any weird looks her way.
"Alright, fine," Jack sighed, turning the wheel just slightly to change course. "Maybe I'll let you drive next time. If you're lucky."
Quinn snorted, "If she's lucky? You mean if she gives you head?"
Sadie's jaw dropped, but all three Hughes brothers started laughing like it was the funniest joke she'd ever heard. God, she'd never understand men.
~~
The boat had been anchored and Sadie sat with Jack near the edge. Luke and Quinn were busy talking about who could pull off a better dive, leaving the 'couple' alone.
Sadie lowered her voice, looking around to see if the other boys were listening. "Jack, I think Luke is catching on."
"Catching on? What're you talking about?"
Sadie sighed. "Earlier today, he was asking me all these questions. It felt like he was suspicious. Like he knows this whole thing is all an act."
Jack chuckled, knocking his shoulder with hers. "Sades, he's just messing with you. Trust me, he's not suspicious of anything. That's just how he is. He's probably giving you a hard time because he knows it'll get under your skin."
She bit her lip, not fully convinced. "I don't know... I don't want him to say something to your parents or--"
"Relax," he softly grabbed her hand. "It's going fine. They all like you, and no one is doubting anything. Promise."
Sadie looked around again, but Quinn and Luke were now splashing each other in the water. "I guess you're right. I'm probably just overthinking shit."
"Exactly. Now, where's the Sadie I know? I'm not a fan of this anxious, worrywart. Where's the flirty, confident, almost scary Sadie that I became friends with?"
She just shook her head, a real smile making its way across her face. Jack leaned back, stretching his arms behind him. "Come on, Sades. Let's make the most of this. Summer is supposed to be funnnn."
"Okay," she giggled. "Let's have some fun."
She quickly stood up and cannon-balled into the lake. Luke and Quinn cheered her on, as Jack shook his head and laughed. "There's my girl!"
~~
Sadie, Jack, Luke, and Quinn sat on deck chairs around the firepit, drinks in hand. It had been a long day spent out on the water, but the fun wasn't over just yet. The laughter was now coming even easier than before with the addition of alcohol.
Sadie leaned heavily into Jack's side, his arm draped over her shoulders, her head resting on him. She finally felt like herself, carefree. Jack's closeness didn't feel awkward anymore; it felt natural, or maybe that was just the alcohol.
"Alright, Sadie," Quinn said, his speech slurred slightly. "I gotta know what it's like dating Jack? He's gotta be a pain in the ass."
"Oh, you have no idea," she teased. "He thinks he's funny. Most of the time, he's just annoying."
Jack gasped dramatically, clutching his chest with his free hand. "Wow. You wound me, Sades. I'm hilarious."
"Debatable," she quipped, running her fingers along the seam of his shirt as she settled against him more comfortably.
"Okay, but for real," Luke piped up, "how'd you two even get together? I don't think Jack has ever brought a girl here."
She glanced at Jack, who winked at her before answering.
"It just happened, I guess. We were hanging out with a group of friends, like I told you guys, and then one day... I just knew she was the one for me."
"Oh, you knew, huh? That's not how I remember it," Sadie giggled.
"What's your version, Sadie?" Luke raised an eyebrow.
"Well... Jack was chasing after me for months, trying to get me to go out with him. I was playing hard to get."
Jack cackled, "That's not how it went."
"It's exactly how it went," she shot back, her voice full of confidence. "He practically begged me to go on a date with him."
Luke and Quinn were in stitches, the banter between her and Jack clearly entertaining them. Sadie felt so much more like herself. The earlier tension she felt from Luke's questions had melted away with the first sip of vodka.
Just as Sadie was about to make another joke at Jack's expense, the sound of footsteps cruncing against gravel caught her attention. She glanced over her shoulder to see a figure making their toward them. Sadie tensed.
It had to be that neighbour girl that Jack had warned her about. The whole reason this shit was happening.
The girl strutted up to the firepit, her eyes locking on Jack like he was the only person there. She didn't even acknowledge Sadie's presence, instead giving Jack a flirtatious smile as she drew closer.
"Well, well," her tone was sugary sweet. "Didn't know you were back in town, Jack."
Sadie felt Jack also tense beside her, but he didn't move his arm from her shoulders. He smiled politely, but there was no mistaking the discomfort in his eyes. "Yes, Natalie, we're here every summer."
The girl, Natalie, flicked her bleach blonde hair over her shoulder. "It's been a while. You should come over sometime. We could... catch up."
Sadie could tell from the girl's body language that she wasn't taking no for an answer. Natalie's obvious attempt to flirt with Jack was so blatant, it was almost laughable. It would've been laughable if it wasn't so goddamn irritating.
Luke and Quinn exchanged amused glances.
Sadie straightened up, pushing her body closer to Jack's. "He's a little busy right now," Sadie's voice was low but firm.
"Oh, I'm sure Jack can make time. Can't you, Jacky?"
Sadie's blood boiled. Natalie wasn't getting the message. She glanced at Jack, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but there, then made a quick decision. Without hesitation, Sadie reached up, grabbed Jack's face in both hands, and pulled him into a kiss. Not a soft, delicate one, but a full-on, heated make out session that left no room for misinterpretation. She was making sure that everyone knew who Jack belonged to.
Jack responded immediately, his hands moving to rest on her waist as he kicked her back, clearly caught up in the moment. It was all part of the act, but Sadie could feel the passion in it, the alcohol blurring the line between fake and real.
When she pulled away, breathless and bright red, she didn't even look at Jack. She instead kept her gaze locked on Natalie, who was staring at them in stunned silence.
"Like I said," Sadie's voice was full of cool confidence, "he's busy."
Natalie's face twisted into a scowl, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She shot Jack and Sadie one last frustrated look before scoffing and turning on her heel, storming off into the night like a child throwing a tantrum.
Quinn let out a low whistle. "Damn, Sadie. Remind me not to get on your bad side."
"That was brutal," Luke agreed.
She shrugged, playing it off like it was nothing, even though her heart was pounding in her chest. "She wasn't getting it. Had to make it clear."
Jack, still recovering from the intensity of the kiss, grinned down at her. "You sure did."
~~
The room spun slightly as Sadie fumbled with the zipper on her shorts, still giggling about how the night had unfolded. Jack leaned against the door, watching her with a lazy grin, the alcohol still buzzing in his system.
"That kiss though," Jack teased, his voice slurred as he kicked off his shoes. "You really sold it, Sades. I think you scared Natalie away for life."
"Good," she smirked, peeling off her shorts and tossing them aside, not bothering with modesty. She started tugging her t-shirt over her head. "She wasn't getting the hint. Had to go for the kill."
Jack's eyes flickered to her as she changed, the casualness of it all catching him off guard. He swallowed, his throat suddenly very dry as he tried not to stare. Sadie, half-naked, standing there like it was nothing--it was making his head spin even more than it already was.
He blinked, knowing he shouldn't have been distracted like that, especially when they were just playing pretend. But Sadie didn't seem to notice nor care. She was sat on the bed, running her hands through her hair, her laughter replaced by a serious expression.
"Jack. I was actually really nervous... earlier. With meeting your parents, then Luke asking all those questions, and then fucking Natalie showed up."
Jack shook off his drunken haze. He sat down beside her, trying to focus on her words and the fact that her skin was glowing under the light in the room. "Nervous? You seemed to have it under control out there."
"I was faking. Well, partly. Thought maybe Luke's questions about us were to find holes or that Quinn was part of his plan."
"Sades, I'm not sure how many times I have to tell you. Nobody is suspicious."
"I just didn't want to mess this up for you. The whole fake dating thing--it's for you, and I didn't want to fuck it all up by being... weird."
"You weren't weird. You were amazing. And that kiss? I think you might have convinced me we're really dating."
"So... no one's doubting?"
Jack shook his head, his hand brushing gently against her back. "Nope. That kiss probably wiped away any doubts that Quinn or Luke might've had. You sold it. Hell, I think Luke might've been jealous."
She smirked at the thought, "Yeah? Jealous, huh?"
Jack grinned, leaning his forehead against hers. "Definitely. You've got nothing to worry about now. We've got this."
There was a quiet moment between them. The alcohol buzz still hanging in the air, but it was softer now, replaced by something warmer, more intimate. Jack's hand slid up to her shoulder, his touch gentle as he pulled her closer.
"I'm really glad you're here."
She leaned into him, resting her head against his chest. "Me too."
They lay back on the bed, neither bothering to change further. Jack's arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her into his side as she snuggled against him. The steady rise and fall of Jack's chest beneath her cheek, lulling her to sleep.
~~
Jack and Quinn were gone for the day, some sort of offseason training session by some bigshot NHL personal trainer. The guy hadn't invited Luke, so he was stuck at the house with Sadie and his parents.
Sadie was stretched out on a towel in the backyard, basking in the sunshine, her earbuds playing some soft country music. She was enjoying her peaceful solitude.
Or so she thought.
When she turned her head slightly to adjust her sunglasses, she caught a glimpse of Luke standing on the back porch. He was leaning against the railing, looking right at her. His eyes flickered away as soon as she spotted him, but it was too late. Sadie had seen him staring.
A mischievous grin tugged at her lips.
Caught you.
Deciding to have a little fun with it, Sadie flipped onto her front, resting her chin on her folded arms. Then, with a playful smirk, she reached behind her and undid the knot on her bikini top, letting it fall loose against the towel beneath her. Luke couldn't actually see shit, but she thought it was hilarious to tease him.
After a few beats of silence, Sadie couldn't help but sneak a peek in his direction. Luke was still on the porch, but his posture was tense, clearly flustered. His eyes darted between her and the lake, like he wasn't sure where to look.
She bit her lip to hold back a laugh. Oh, this is too good.
Satisfied with the teasing, she casually rolled back onto her back and retyed her top like nothing had happened. Then she stood up, grabbing her book and towel, she sauntered back inside with a smirk tugging at her lips. She didn't need to look back to know there were still a set of blue eyes staring at her.
~~
Luke wandered into the living room, hesitating briefly at the door before walking to Sadie on the couch. His hair was still slightly damp from a dip in the lake, and he seemed almost more relaxed without Jack and Quinn there.
"Hey, mind if I sit here?"
"Go for it," she replied, looking up from her book. She shifted over to make space for him.
Luke sat down and stretched his legs out in front of him as he leaned back in an attempt to look casual. It didn't work and Sadie could still feel the tension in the air. She knew Luke was flustered about the whole backyard situation and she found it fucking hilarious.
"You're always reading," he remarked, nodding towards the book in her hands. "What is it this time?"
She raised an eyebrow and flipped the book around so he could see the cover. "I'm not 'always' reading. You've caught me reading twice. And it's just something to kill time. You know, since your brother is off pretending he's a celebrity."
"Yeah, Jack's like that. Always pretending he's the best," Luke chose to ignore her remark about him only seeing her reading twice.
"Must've been annoying growing up with him," Sadie teased.
"Oh, it was. But he's alright. Could've been worse."
The conversation continued easily from there, their voices filling the silent house with stories about their childhoods, embarrassing moments, and life in general. Luke found himself relaxing more and more as Sadie talked. She was sharp, funny, and this special energy that drew him in. The confident, teasing girl from the backyard was showing her soft side and he could see why Jack was head over heels in love with her,
Sadie yapped about her life in university, the friends she had back home in Jersey, and even some wild stories from a girls' trip to New York. Luke listened, hanging off of every word. She was cool, and not in a superficial way, but genuinely cool. She wasn't just Jack's girlfriend. She was Sadie. And she was amazing.
But with that realization came guilt.
He watched her laugh as she told a funny story, and Luke felt the pull growing inside him. He was really starting to like her. Maybe too much.
This was Jack's girlfriend. He shouldn't feel that way about Jack's girlfriend.
He knew it was wrong, but he made no effort to distance himself from her. Instead, he found himself drawn to her more and more, wanting to sit there with her, to hear her laugh again, to see the smirk that covered her face when she teased him.
"So, how about you?" she asked, snapping him from this thoughts. "What's it like being the baby? Bet Jack gave you hell."
"They both did. But especially Jack. He never, ever let me forget I was the youngest. Always had to one-up me."
"Sounds like Jack," she grinned, and Luke's smile faltered at the lovestruck look on her face at the meer mention of Jack. "Bet you're giving it right back now."
"I try." There was a brief lull in conversation and the silence that followed felt like it was charged with electricity.
Sadie held his gaze a beat longer than she should have before breaking the eye contact with a playful smile. "Well, if you ever need any tips on how to outsmart Jack, I've got plenty."
"I might just have to take you up on that."
~~
The sun lay low in the late afternoon sky making the lake look like it was sparkling. Sadie and Luke stood by the water's edge, still filling in the quiet hours without Jack and Quinn.
Sadie grinned, nudging Luke with her elbow. "Bet you can't beat me in a water fight."
"You're on."
Without warning, Sadie walked off into the water, her laugh echoing as she turned around to splash Luke. He barely had time to react before a wave of water was hitting his lower legs.
"Oh, it's like that?" Luke laughed, taking off after her.
It didn't take long before they were having a full-on war, splashing each other mercilessly. Sadie couldn't stop laughing as Luke chased her through the water. After on particularly good splash, she tried to swim away, but Luke caught up to her, his hands gripping her waist as he tried to dunk her. Sadie squealed in protest, kicking her legs.
"Let go, you cheater!" she giggled, twisting in his grip.
Luke grinned, he really liked how infectous her laugh was. But as they wrestled in the water, something shifted. His hands lingered on her waist longer than they should have. Her skin was riddled in goosebumps from the cold water, but still felt smooth under this touch, and suddenly the playful moment didn't seem quite as innocent.
Shit.
Sadie, still in the middle of laughing and trying to escape his hold, didn't seem to notice the change in him. She was completely carefree, seeing the moment for what it was--a game. But Luke wasn't feeling it anymore. His throat felt tight and pulse picked up.
His hands were still on her waist.
Luke's breath hitched, and before she could turn around and see the look on his face, he let go, stumbling backward in the water.
"You good? You're not giving up already, are you?"
Luke forced a chuckle, but it came out sounding way more like a cough. "Uh, yeah, I--uh, I think I've had enough."
Without waiting for her response, he quickly waded out of the water and back onto the shore. The evening breeze did nothing to cool his flustered state.
Sadie was still in the water, floating on her back with a smile on her face. "Aw, come on!"
He just mumbled something incoherent, grabbed his towel, and hurried back into the house without even looking her way.
~~
Luke rushed past his parents in the kitchen, heading straight for his room. He slammed the door shut behind him and flopped down onto the bed, shoving his face in a pillow. He wanted to scream, but even the pillow wouldn't muffle the sound enough from anyone downstairs.
I'm attracted to her.
The thought hit him like a freight train, the words echoing over and over again like a prayer. It wasn't just some innocent crush. He was undeniably, painfully attracted to Sadie--his brother's girlfriend.
How had he let it get this far? She was dating Jack. She was Jack's girlfriend. And yet, anytime she laughed or smiled at him, Luke felt like a fucking high schooler.
He couldn't stop it, couldn't ignore it anymore.
He hadn't meant to hold her like that in the water. It was meant to be just a harmless game, but he had taken it too far in his mind. Sadie, however, hadn't even seemed to notice. Maybe she did and she was just ignoring it. Surely that was it.
"You're such a fucking idiot, Luke," he cursed himself, but every time he closed his eyes all he could see was how perfect she had looked in that moment.
The worst part of all? He didn't want to stop feeling that way.
Even as the guilt knawed at him, he couldn't bring himself to want to distance from her. Being around Sadie felt good. It felt natural. And that scared him even more.
Suddenly, he heard laughter from the hallway outside his door. Luke froze, listening as Jack's voice joined in, low and teasing, followed by Sadie's giggles.
Luke squeezed his eyes shut, willing away the guilt. But then there was a pause in the laughter. He could picture what was happening. The way that Jack was looking at Sadie. The that Sadie was looking back up at Jack with a smile on her face, maybe teasing him.
Then... the sound of a kiss broke the silence. It was soft, but it might as well have been the loudest thing that Luke had ever heard. His stomach twisted, and he tried to shove his face further into the pillow, but it was no use the couple was back to laughing.
This is wrong. It's all wrong. But as wrong as he knew it was, he couldn't deny the truth.
He was falling for Sadie. And he was falling for Sadie... hard.
~~
The whole family and Sadie were gathered around the pool table, Jim and Ellen watching from the corner, while the "kids" took their turns at the competetive game that had started.
Sadie was standing next to Jack, leaning against the wall with a gin and tonic, that her "boyfriend" had made her, in her hand. She was watching Quinn line up his shot, her eyes crinkling as she laughed about whatever it was that Jack was whispering to her about. Jack had his arm draped over her shoulders, pulling her closer as she laughed. They looked so comfortable. So perfect.
Luke stood across from them, gripping his pool cue so tightly that his knuckles had turned white. Every laugh that Jack and Sadie shared, every playful nudge, felt like a stab to his gut.
"Alright, Sades, your go," Jack kissed her cheek before handing her a cue.
She leaned over the table, lining up her shot with Jack standing behind her, offering a few "helpful" tips. His hand rested on her lower back, guiding her aim. Quinn looked over at Luke, raising his eyebrows as if to say "look how suggestive he's being."
Luke just shook his head, trying to focus on the game. But all he could think about was how close and touchy they were being. And how it made his stomach churn with something that he could only guess was jealousy.
Fuck, it was so messed up.
"Luke, it's your turn," Quinn called.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, right," he blinked, shaking his head. He stepped up to the table, trying to compose himself as he lined up his shot. He missed it by a mile, the ball ricocheting off the side with a loud thunk.
"Wow, nice one, Rusty," Jack teased.
His jaw was clenched, "Guess I'm just off tonight."
Sadie didn't even notice, giggling as Jack asked for her opinion on their next move. Why were they acting like they were the only ones in the room? Was nobody else finding it annoying? Luke glanced at his mom. She was smiling at the young couple, a lovestruck look on her face. Maybe he was the only one that found it annoying.
~~
Sadie lay sprawled across Jack's bed, her phone held loosely in her hand as she scrolled through texts from her friends back home. Jack was in the shower, insisting he wash the lake water off his body. She had some time to kill and her friends, that weren't her friend group with Jack, were ready to gossip.
The Hottest Girls in Jersey Sadie, Alex, and Carly
Carly: Soooo, how's it going with Mr. NHL?? Alex: yeah, girl. spill. is he, like, actually boyfriend material or are you just having a hot ass summer fling??
Sadie rolled her eyes at their messages, biting her lip as she thought of her reply.
Sadie: it's... complicated Carly: Ugh, isn't it always lol Alex: we need details, sades. what's complicated? the sex? the family? Sadie: family's cool. his mom is like super sweet. and his brothers are... yeah Carly: Oh, brothers, huh? Now you like reallyyyyy need to spill
Sadie hesitated, glancing towards the bathroom door. She could still hear Jack humming to himself while the water ran. No way he was gonna come out and read her messages any time soon.
Sadie: okay, fine. it's not really jack. it's luke Carly: LUKE?! Alex: WAIT. WHAT. HIS BROTHER LUKE?! Sadie: yep. younger brother, but soooooo much more my type Carly: Girllllll, you're bad Alex: hold the fucking phone. is this the guy we're talking about here? what's wrong with jack, then? isn't he like the only reason you're there?
She chuckled to herself, it did kinda sound insane when she typed it all out.
Sadie: jack's great. don't get me wrong. but, luke... he's like more quiet. jack's more playful and sassy, but idk... plus i love a boy with curly hair Carly: You're catching feelings for his brother??? Holy shit, girl Alex: lmao this is legit some CW ass drama
She rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling. Maybe it was a little ridiculous, but it was true. Luke was more her type. He was tall, not that Jack wasn't tall, but Luke was tall. He had the cutest nose and the best curls she'd ever seen. Jack was fun. Jack was easy. But Luke...
Sadie: it's not that deep. but yeah, ig i'm more into luke than jack Carly: Oooo Alex: you're fake dating jack tho, right? like what's the plan here?? Sadie: i don't fucking know!!! nothing's happened with luke, obviously. but like next time we're alone? i might see what happens ;) Carly: You are fucking INSANE, Sadie!!! Alex: if you're that desperate, you've got Jack right there...
She laughed out loud at Alex's message. She was definitely not desperate, but she still glanced to the bathroom door. The water had stopped. Jack would be out any second.
Sadie: trust me, i'm not desperate. luke's gonna be the move
Just as she hit send, Jack emerged from the bathroom, towel hung low on his hips.
"Texting the girls?" he ran a hand through his wet hair.
She slipped her phone under the pillow, a playful smile on her face. "Yeah, they were asking about you."
Jack raised an eyebrow, falling down onto the bed next to her. "All good things, I hope?"
She snorted, "Guess you'll never know."
He rolled his eyes, pressing a soft kiss to her hair. "Whatever. You were probably telling them how much of a stud I am."
Sadie smirked, though her mind was still buzzing with the excitement of what she'd just admitted to her friends. Jack had no idea, and honestly? That just made it even more thrilling.
~~
Jack bounded into the living room, his backpack slung over one of his shoulders. Sadie was sat on the couch, scrolling passively through Instagram, while Luke stood in the kitchen chugging a glass of water.
"I'm headed to the rink for a few hours," Jack announced, slapping his hand on the back of the couch, full of energy. "Got a little off-season workout with Q and some of the guys."
"A workout?" Sadie quirked an eyebrow. "You never stop, do you?
"That's what makes me so irrresistible, babe." He shot her a wink before turning to Luke. "You busy?"
Luke wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, setting down his glass. "Not really."
"Why don't you keep her company? You guys should hang out. Show her around town or something."
Luke flushed, his eyes flickering to Sadie, who was sat with an amused smile on her face. "Uh, yeah, sure."
"Perfect!" Jack leaned down and kissed Sadie's cheek. "Don't miss me too much while I'm gone, okay?"
"I'll try," she giggled, leaning into his touch but keeping her eyes on Luke.
"See you later! Have fun!"
And just like that Jack was gone.
"Well, looks like it's just us again," Sadie said, stretching dramatically.
"Yeah, guess so."
Sadie stood from the couch, tapping her finger against her lips as if she was thinking. "You know what we should do?"
"What?"
"Go for a swim! It's hot out, and the lake looks amazing."
Luke hesitated. He wasn't sure he could handle that again. But before he could come up with an excuse, Sadie was heading toward the back door.
"Come on! Don't make me swim alone. I might drown."
By the time he made it down to the dock, Sadie was standing at the edge, her back to him as she looked out over the water. She had stripped down to her bikini--a simple black one that fit her like a glove.
Luke shook his head. He had no right to stare. Jack's girlfriend, not his. Get a grip.
"Took you long enough, Luke. Thought you were going to bail on me."
"Just... taking my time." He managed a weak laugh.
"Uh-huh." She dipped her toe in the lake, testing the temperature. "Water feels amazing. Bet I can beat you in."
She dove in without even waiting for an answer. She resurfced a few feet out, shaking the water from her hair and grinning at him. "What're you waiting for?"
Luke hesitated for just a second longer before diving in after her. The shock of the cool water cleared his head. That was until he surfaced and saw Sadie floating nearby, her hair splayed around her like a halo.
"See? Told you it feels amazing."
He swam a bit closer, but decided to keep his distance. "Yeah, guess you were right."
Sadie flipped onto her stomach, treading water as she swam to him. "Relax." She nudged her shoulder with his. "You look so tense."
Her tone was light, but the promixity of them felt almost dangerous. "I am relaxed."
"Bullshit. You look like the tensest motherfucker ever," she splashed him, the water hitting him square in the face. "Come on. Loosen up."
Luke sputtered, wiping the water from his eyes. "Oh, it's gonna be like that, huh?"
"Just sayin'... life's too short to be serious all the time," her hand brushed his arm as she floated by, leaving goosebumps in her wake.
Her touch was light, casual, but it still made it so he couldn't think straight. He wanted to keep his distance, but she wasn't making it easy in the slightest.
"You and I should do this more often," she mused.
"What? Swim?"
She scoffed, "No. Hang out."
Was she messing with him? Or was she being serious? He couldn't tell with her. Her teasing had been light and innocent until now. Now every word that left her mouth felt like it had a second meaning.
"I... I don't know."
What kind of shit response was that? God, he looked like an idiot.
She swam closer to him, stopping when she was right in front of his face. "You don't know? I think you do, Luke."
He could feel her leg brushing against his and his whole body felt like it was one fire despite the cool water. He should've pulled back, but he couldn't. He was frozen.
"Ha! You're cute when you're flustered."
For a moment, he felt himself lean in, as if there was an invisible force pulling him to her. But just as quickly, Sadie pulled away, climbing back onto the dock and swaying her hips as she headed back to the house, leaving the boy completely flabbergasted.
~~
Jim and Ellen had left for a special dinner out and Jack had quickly suggested a game night, complete with alcohol and whatever games they could find in the basement. Luke had agreed, only because he knew he could drink, and that might make being in the same room as Sadie more bearable.
"Alright, team," Jack tossed a can of beer to Luke, who caught it without looking "Game night is on. Hope you're ready to lose, Qball."
"Yeah, yeah. You always say that, but I'm the one who wins."
"You guys don't stand a chance. Right, babe?" Sadie grinned up at Jack.
"You bet. Dream team right here."
Luke looked at them, all snuggled up together. He blinked a few times before chugging the rest of his beer. Jack laughed, "Alright, Lukey." He tossed him another one, getting ready to explain the rules of the game.
By the third round, Jack had pulled Sadie into his lap, his arms wrapped around her waist like a seatbelt. They were laughing, whispering inside jokes, and exchanging kisses, acting like they were the only people in the room.
Luke tried to focus on the game, but he found himself looking up to see Sadie running her fingers through Jack's hair, her other hand squeezing his thigh.
He wanted to believe that she had meant something by the little act she'd put on at the lake. But seeing her all over Jack made him feel like he'd never been so wrong. She was clearly into Jack. She didn't mean anything by it. She's just... being friendly.
So why did it feel like more?
"Can you guys like chill?" Quinn spoke up. "We're trying to play a game, not watch you two make out."
"Oh, come on, Quinn. We're just having fun," Sadie giggled.
"Yeah, don't be a buzzkill," Jack added, pressing kisses to her neck.
"There's having fun, and then there's..." Quinn paused, his voice laced with annoyance. "You're practically having sex in front of us."
"Jealous?"
"No, Luke and I just don't wanna see that."
"Whatever."
"Your turn, Luke."
"Right," he muttered, grabbing the dice and rolling it halfheartedly. The alcohol wasn't helping, dulling his senses and making everything worse. He kept glancing at Sadie, hoping for some sign that she was aware of what she was doing to him, but she didn't even look his way.
The final straw came when Jack, clearly tipsy, pulled Sadie in for a long, slow kiss right in the middle of Quinn's turn. Jack and Sadie were known by their friends for their drunk kisses, but his brothers really didn't want to see it.
"I'm done. You two aren't even playing!" Quinn threw his hands up.
"Fine, fine. We'll stop! Happy now?"
"No. I'm going to bed before I see something even worse."
"Uh, yeah, me too. Night guys," Luke nodded, following his oldest brother.
"Bedtime?" Jack laughed.
"Yeah, bedtime, I guess."
~~
Luke hadn't gone to bed. He couldn't sleep. His brain wouldn't shut up. It had been a couple hours since game night had ended and he felt more sober than he was before he started drinking. Maybe he was insane. Maybe Sadie had driven him to his breaking point. She was so goddamn confusing. And--
"Hey."
"What're you doing out here? Shouldn't you be with Jack?"
She shrugged, closing the sliding door behind her. "He's passed out. I wanted to come find you."
"Sadie, you really shouldn't--"
"I know what you're going to say. But I think you're wrong."
"Wrong?"
Sadie moved in, her hand reaching for his, her fingers tracing along his wrist. "You're overthinking things, Luke."
His breath hitched as she leaned in, her face inches from his, her lips so close he could feel her breath. He should've pulled away. He should've told her to stop.
But he didn't. He couldn't.
Instead, Luke closed the gap between them, his lips crashing against hers in a desperate, longing kiss.
She kissed him back, her hands sliding up to his shoulders. Her touch sent sparks through his body. But those sparks made reality set in.
He pulled away, his chest heaving. "No. This is wrong."
"What?"
"You need to stop," he stood up suddenly, almost making Sadie fall over. His voice was full of anger. "This... this whole thing is fucked up, Sadie. You're Jack's girlfriend."
She stared at him for a second or two before, to Luke's surprise, she started laughing.
"What the hell is so funny?" Luke snapped. "I'm going to tell him. I'm going to tell Jack everything. He needs to know what you've been doing."
"You don't get it, do you?"
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Jack and I aren't really together."
"What... what do you mean?"
Sadie sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. "It's fake. The whole thing--it's just an act."
"An act? What the hell are you talking about?"
"Jack needed me to play the part of his girlfriend for the summer," Sadie explained, her tone casual as if everything she was saying was normal. "Natalie, the neighbour girl. She's obsessed with Jack. And she won't take no for answer. So he asked me to pretend to be his girlfriend so she'd leave him alone."
"So... this is all fake?"
"Yep. We've just been playing the part, that's all."
"But... you guys... you were kissing. You're all over each other."
Sadie shrugged, her smile turning sheepish. "That... that's just something that happens when we drink. No big deal."
"No big deal? You guys were making out in front of us, and you're saying it doesn't mean anything?"
"Exactly. Jack and I are close friends. That's all it is. No feelings involved," her tone was so matter-of-fact it made Luke's stomach churn. "All for show. We figured the more real it looks, the less people will question it."
"So... you don't have feelings for him?"
"For Jack? No. We're friends. Nothing more. We've been friends since he joined the Devils. And yeah, we get a bit... affectionate when we drink. But it's never been serious."
"Then why... why were you flirting with me?"
"Because, Luke... you're the definition of my type." She reached out and brushed her hand against his cheek. "Didn't think it was that hard to figure out."
"But Jack..."
"Jack doesn't care," she cut him off. "He's the one that suggested I hang out with you more. He's clueless. He only cares that I keep Natalie away from him."
"So this whole time, you've been..."
"I've been flirting with you. And you've been trying soooo hard to resist. It's kinda cute."
He had been so sure that what he felt was wong--so convinced that he was betraying Jack. Now... now he didn't know what to think.
"This is... this is insane."
"Maybe. But it's also kinda fun. Don't ya think?"
Luke didn't know how the hell he was supposed to respond to that. Everything he thought he understood had just been flipped upside down, and now he was standing there with Sadie--Jack's not-so-girlfriend--who had just admitted she'd been flirting with him for days. Part of him wanted to kiss her again. The other part was screaming at him to stop because even if they weren't dating, it still felt like he was lying to his brother.
"I... I don't know what to do."
"Don't have to do anything. Just think about it, I guess. I'm not going anywhere. Jack's got me stuck here for a while."
She winked, turning toward the door, leaving Luke alone with his thoughts once again.
~~
Jack was up, chatting with his parents over breakfast, Sadie sat next to him looking as carefree as ever. Luke was watching her silently from across the room, his mug of coffee in his grip.
She glanced over at him and smiled like nothing had changed. But everything had changed. And Luke knew he needed to talk to her. He hated pretending things were normal when they weren't. His mind was playing the kiss on repeat and the way she'd admitted her relationship with Jack was just for show.
It all felt like a weird dream.
When Jack got up to grab some more cereal, Luke saw his chance.
"Sadie," he whispered, "can we talk? Alone?"
She raised an eyebrow, glancing at Jack who was now rummaging through the fridge for some milk. "Sure. Lead the way."
Once they were inside Luke's room, Sadie leaned against the wall, her arms crossed over her chest. "What's up? I see Mr. Serious is back."
"I just... I need to understand how this is supposed to work. The whole thing with Jack. You and me. All of it."
"What's there to understand? Jack's clueless. He doesn't know anything. Not that he'd care anyway."
"You make it sound so simple."
"Because it is," she shrugged. "You're overcomplicating it."
"I don't know if I can keep this up. It's driving me crazy."
"Is it? Because it didn't seem like you were too hard of a time last night on the porch."
"Fuck it," he muttered.
He grabbed Sadie by the waist, before he could second-guess himself, crashing his lips against hers in a kiss full of pent-up frustration and desire.
Sadie definitely didn't second-guess anything, kissing him back as her hands ran up to his hair. Any boundaries that Luke had tried to build had been torn down, but he didn't care. He couldn't stop.
They stumbled backward, his hands sliding down a bit to her hips. The kiss deepened, becoming more heated with every passing second. The rest of the world melted away, the only sound in the room their ragged breathing as they broke apart just to kiss again.
The bed hit the back of Luke's knees and they collapsed onto it, lips still locked. For one of the first times since Luke had met Sadie, he wasn't busy thinking about right or wrong. He wasn't thinking about Jack or the consequences of his actions. All that mattered was Sadie, the taste of her lips, and how tight her fingers were gripping his hair.
Just as things were about to heat up further, Jack's voice echoed from the bottom of the stairs.
"Sadie? You up there?"
She pulled back instantly, her lips swollen from the kiss. "Shit," she whispered. "I should... I should go."
Luke didn't say anything, his eyes half-lidded. Sadie stood up, adjusting her shirt and hair as she shot him a smile "Sorry, Luke. Duty calls."
She looked back at him one last time as she opened the door. "This isn't over."
What had he gotten himself into?
~~
It had been a couple days since Sadie and Luke had shared their first kiss, and they'd been sneaking around ever since. Little touches when no one was looking, stolen kisses behind closed doors. The more they got away with, the more daring they became.
That afternoon, Jack had been outside messing around with Quinn by the dock, while Sadie had slipped away, telling Jack she needed to grab something from inside. Luke had been alone in the house, trying to clear his head. But the second Sadie entered the living room, everything went out the window.
And suddenly, they were tangled together on the couch, lips locked. Sadie gripped the front of his t-shirt, tugging gently. It was just them in that moment, tension building higher and higher, and Luke couldn't stop himself from enjoying it.
Then the door slammed.
They pulled apart just in time to see Jack standing in the doorway, his eyes wide with shock. The expression on his face was confused, almost dazed as he stared at them.
"Uh... what the fuck?" His tone was sharp, but not angry--more like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.
Luke's hands fell away from Sadie as he shot up from the couch, his face flushed. "Jack, I--"
Jack cut him off, pacing the room, his eyes shooting between them as he tried to piece everything together. "How long... how long has this been going on?"
Sadie just waited for Luke to speak.
"Luke, how long?" Jack repeated.
"A couple days. It just... happened."
"A couple days? And you just didn't think to say anything?"
Luke opened his mouth to respond, but Jack's attention shifted to Sadie. "Does he know? About us?"
"Yes, Jack. I told him. He knows it's all fake."
"So... you knew? You knew it was fake, so you decided..." Jack gestured wildly between them, pacing again, his hands tugging at his hair. "I don't get it. I don't fucking get it."
"Jack, I didn't mean for any of this to happen--"
"Didn't mean for what to happen? You didn't mean to start sneaking around with my fake girlfriend? Or you didn't mean to fall for her?"
Jack wasn't yelling. He wasn't angry. He just looked... confused. Hurt, maybe? And that just made it all so much worse.
"J, listen. This whole thing--it got out of hand. Luke and I... we didn't plan this. Just happened."
"But you two... were just... you were just making out on the couch! How does that 'just happen?'"
Sadie rolled her eyes, "Just does."
"Clearly! I mean, I thought everything was fine. I thought everyone was just hanging out, and meanwhile, you two are making out on the couch?"
"I'm sorry, Jack. I..."
"I'm not mad. Just... what the hell, guys? I don't understand."
"J, it's not like that. You and I--we're just friends. You know that. This shit with Luke... it's different."
"Different how?"
"Dunno. Just is."
Finally, Jack let out a long sigh, running a hand down his face. "Okay. Okay, fine. You two... you do whatever. I just... I need a minute to process all this."
Sadie opened her mouth to respond, but Jack held up a hand, stopping her. "Seriously, just... gimme a minute. I'll be outside if you need me."
Luke collapsed onto the couch, his head in his hands as Jack retreated outside. Could this get any worse?
~~
The rest of the day had been weird and silent. Sadie had spent it journaling and reading, giving both brothers the space that they needed. But as they got ready for bed, things were the most awkward they'd ever been between Jack and Sadie. Jack moved around the room, grabbing his phone charger and tossing it onto his nightstand, while Sadie stood by the dresser, pulling a t-shirt over her head. Neither of them spoke, both waiting for the other to break the silence.
"So... are we going to talk about this?" Sadie finally gave in.
"Talk about what?"
"You know what," she gave him a look. "About you walking in on me and Luke today."
"What's there to talk about? I mean... I get it. You guys--"
"Are you jealous?" she interrupted, her voice timid. "Like, even a little bit?"
Jack blinked, caught off guard by the question. "Jealous?" He furrowed his brow. "No. I don't think so."
"Not even like... deep down?"
"Honestly?"
She nodded, urging him to continue.
"No. I don't feel jealous. I mean, maybe if I did... I'd be way more upset about it all. But.. I dunno. I've only ever seen you as a friend. Same way you see me. A close one, sure, but still... just a friend. You know that."
"Yeah, I do. But you were really thrown off earlier, Jack. You seemed so... I dunno.... confused?"
"Yeah. I think it was more just the shock of it, ya know? Didn't expect to walk in and see my brother making out with my fake girlfriend."
She let out a small laugh. "So it's not weird for you? At all?"
"I guess it's weird in the sense that... I knew that you and Luke would get along. I just didn't think you'd get along this well."
"Yeah, I didn't exactly see it coming either."
"But no, I'm not mad or anything. Honestly, I think you and Luke fit each other way better than you and me ever could. I'm just surprised... I guess."
"Surprised how?"
Jack sighed, leaning back against the headboard. "I just never thought that... bringing you here would lead to you two... doing whatever this is."
"We haven't really figured it out," she rubbed at her arm.
Sadie climbed into bed first, pulling the covers over herself. Jack followed suit, but as they lay there side by side, for the first time since Sadie had arrived, he made no move to cuddle. No arm draped over her waist. He just laid there, staring at the ceiling.
"You don't want to cuddle tonight?"
Jack hesitated, then sighed for the millionth time that day. "It's just... it feels weird now, I guess. Knowing you've been doing... stuff with Luke. It's different."
Sadie bit her lip, and for the first time she felt that guilt that Luke had been feeling. "Jack... I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to get so complicated."
"Nah, don't worry about it. It's not like you did anything wrong... really. Things are just different now... that's all."
Jack rolled over, facing the other side of the bed, leaving a noticeable gap between them. Sadie stared at the back of his head for a moment, feelings like she should reach out and say something. But it was too late, Jack was already asleep.
~~
Sadie and Luke sat at the end of the dock. The whole day had been awkward and Sadie felt even more out of place than she had when she first arrived.
"I don't want to make this weird," Sadie said, her voice soft, but her eyes locked with Luke's. "I really like you, but if it's gonna screw up my friendship with Jack... we should stop. We have to."
"I like you too. More than I thought I would. But yeah, this whole thing with Jack... it's too complicated. I don't wanna hurt my brother. I'd feel so guilty."
"We have to end things. It's not fair to him. Or us."
"I don't want to end things though," Luke admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "This... it's not just about the physical stuff to me. I feel something with you, Sadie. Something real."
"I feel it too. But I can't mess up things with Jack, so maybe it's better if we end things now before they get more complicated."
Jack, who had been on his way back inside, had walked past and heard his friend and brother talking. He leaned against a tree, piecing together everything they were saying. His stomach turned. But it wasn't anger. Or jealousy. He wasn't upset. It was relief. Luke and Sadie really liked each other. It wasn't just some sneaky hookup. It wasn't fair to make them feel guilty for something that wasn't even real to begin with.
"Hey."
Sadie and Luke both jumped, practically leaping out of their skin.
"Jack, I--"
"You don't have to explain anything. I heard what you guys were saying. And look, it's fine. You don't have to end whatever this is."
Sadie blinked in surprise. "You're not upset?"
Jack shook his head, a smile forming on his lips. "No. I'm not. I'm actually happy for you guys."
"Happy for who?" Ellen's voice joined the conversation.
"Jesus, is everyone listening to us?" Luke whispered to Sadie.
Jim and Quinn were close behind Ellen, also curious to what was happening on the dock.
"Luke and Sadie."
"Luke and Sadie?"
"Yeah, they're in love."
"We're not in--"
"Luke's in love with your girlfriend?" Quinn asked.
"About that..." Sadie rubbed her arm awkwardly.
"Sadie and I aren't really dating. We're friends. Close friends. She was just trying to help me get Natalie off my back. And I was helping her get her parents off her back," Jack admitted.
The family stared at him for a beat, then burst into laughter.
"Are you serious? All this was just to keep Natalie away?"
"Pretty much."
Ellen, still smiling, looked at Sadie and Luke, then back to Jack. "You know, Jack... I thought from the start that Sadie was a better fit for Luke anyway."
"Looks like you this turned out well for everyone," Quinn laughed.
Luke turned to Sadie, sliding his fingers between hers. "So... now that the truth's out... what do you think?"
"I think we've got time to figure it out," she giggled, leaning her head on his shoulder. And finally after weeks of being there, Sadie felt like she belonged.
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dekariosclan · 2 days
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We know from the epilogue that Gale is often so immersed in his research that he can ignore everything in the world, including Tav, until he finishes. How will Gale make amends after a few days of ignoring his love?
Ps: Tav wasn't really mad at him, of course, but sometimes it's a shame that the book is given more time than Tav, don't you think so?
Ooh what a great question!! 🥰
So I have to imagine that Gale getting caught up in his research—the topic of which can be anything and everything, depending on what his brilliant mind decides to focus on that week—is something Tav gets used to pretty quickly.
But I don’t believe that Gale ever fully ignores Tav, no matter how passionate he is about the topic he’s working on. For example, I don’t see him locking himself away in his study for hours at a time and completely forgetting to interact with Tav. This is a man who spent a year+ in lonely isolation, bereft, desperately longing for company. This is a man whose greatest wish (as shown by the magic mirror in Act I) has always been for a sweetheart to join him in his tower. And this is a man who, even when he read Karsus’s book and his thoughts were consumed with the knowledge it contained, was still focused on Tav, and what Tav would think, and how Tav would react.
So all that said—what I DO think happens is that he becomes immersed in his research to the point of complete distraction.
I can see him going up and down the tower, rummaging through his piles of books and bookshelves, paging through giant tomes, then tossing them aside and muttering to himself, while his conjured mage hand scribbles notes on a piece of parchment. Meanwhile, Tav watches all of this with fond amusement—because while Gale is pacing around with his nose buried in a book, his mind seemingly a million miles away, he’ll still occasionally take Tav’s hand and press it to his lips for a gentle kiss, all without ceasing his reading.
At other times he’ll step into the room and, with his gaze focused on the book or notes clutched in his hands, start bouncing ideas off of Tav: “My love, did you know that the alchemical properties of Daggerroot make it an excellent weapon coating? Do you think it could also be used for medicinal properties? Yes or no?…Hmm—I can tell by your silence that you are hesitant about it…you know, I do believe that you are correct in your assessment. Yes, now that I think about it, Mugwort remains the superior choice. Excellent advice my love, you truly know how to steady the direction of my mind even through the most volatile of seas!” Then he’ll hurry away—all without realizing that Tav was not even in the room, but in the hallway behind him, watching all this play out while trying not to laugh.
AND THEN, finally, when Gale has completed his work and the scholarly portion of mind is satisfied (until the next topic takes hold…) Tav will look up from whatever they were doing to find that their delightful wizard has, without their noticing, conjured an entire dinner spread of Tav’s favorite foods, scented candles, and flowers.
And their wizard will be before them, gently plucking whatever book or letter or item that Tav had been engaged with from their grasp, so that he can take both of their hands in his. Then he’ll caress them slowly, while smiling lovingly into Tav’s eyes, his full attention on them and them alone.
“Done with your research now, are you?” Tav will ask with a smile.
But Gale will shake his head. “My love,” he will admonish gently, as he worshipfully caresses his fingers over their face, down their jawline. “You should know that a wizard’s research is never done.”
Then he’ll place his bent finger under their chin, and smile. “I’m simply moving on to studying my favorite subject,” he’ll conclude, as he tips their head up and kisses them deeply.
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buckgasms · 2 days
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Bucky flirting with some girl while bunny is talking with natasha about something and suddenly she gets the brilliant idea to copy what bucky does! Kidnap the bitch and make sure she knows not to touch what dosent belong to her! Bucky can't be mad because he set the example for you to follow :)
Ooh nonnie you are devious 😈 I love it!
But you see my thought is this. I don't think bunny would punish the other woman because you gotta be a girl's girl in a man's world right?
BUT
There's no issue with telling Bucky you did it anyway. Just to fuck with his head...
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I mean you are pissed with her, even when she tells you that Bucky wasn't flirting with her, they were just talking about some customer who did a stupid thing and they were laughing about it.
You didn't believe that, but you were being generous, she had the sense to look apologetic and scared. And when you suggested she take the next few days off, she took the wad of cash you stole from Bucky with a smile and left the club for a week or so.
You were now perched on Bucky's desk while he paced around the room, in a state of absolute panic and rage because you wouldn't tell him what you'd done to her.
"Well..." You mumbled slowly, "all I can really remember is you smiling at her and making her laugh...."
He growls in frustration and grimaces at you.
"Oh! I might have pushed her off a bridge....Yeah that's right, I took her for a cute little walk and pushed her into the river..."
But then you tut and shake your head, letting out a giggle as he kicks a bin in frustration.
"Or maybe I dragged her by those cheap extensions all the way down to the little red room and did the things you do to all those nasty men you deal with?"
You casually pull a long blonde extension out of your pocket and twirl it around.
He stalks over and grips your shoulders, squeezing you tight, his face dead serious.
"Bunny, for the last fucking time. What did you do with her? I need to know..."
You look at him quizzically, hands gliding up his expensive shirt to massage his chest, heaving under his anger.
"Why? Do you miss her? Do you want her back to take care of you? You want her to be your little bunny?"
He squeezes his eyes shut and you think maybe his head might explode. Which would be a great shame. Finally he opens them, and his hands come to cup your cheeks.
"Bunny, you know I love you. Crazy about you in fact. You are actually the first girl I haven't... I don't want anyone else, I honestly couldn't handle anyone else. You are the biggest handful I've ever had to deal with..."
You giggle and grab his crotch in one hand whilst pulling him to kiss you.
"Same actually..."
He chuckles and leans his forehead on yours, sighing in defeat as you press more kisses to his cheeks and lips.
"Show it to me Bucky. Show me your big cock and maybe I'll tell you then?"
He backs away slowly and unbuckles his belt. You swing your legs in excitement as his zipper is dragged down.
"You're crazy, you know that Bun Bun?" He approaches slowly, his big hands stroking at his heavy cock. "This good enough bunny?"
He chuckles as you shake your head because he knows that would never be enough for his crazy bunny. He presses a kiss to your forehead before nudging you to lay back over his desk.
You sigh with satisfaction as you feel him pull your underwear down, leaving you bare and exposed to him. You tilt your head and watch him, moving your legs to sit comfortably on his shoulders. He presses a kiss to one of your ankles before sliding in, just a little.
"Bucky, if you don't fuck me I'll never tell you where she is... Don't play with me."
He rolls his eyes before thrusting in fully, groaning at how tight and wet you are. His face is a picture of rage and pure pleasure as he ruts into your soft heat.
"Fuck sake Bunny, never a dull moment huh?"
Your giggle mixes with a groan and you grab his hands, pulling him towards you to share a perfect kiss. His lips chase yours, teeth nipping as his hips roll faster.
"You really love me?" You whisper between kisses, wrapping your arms around his neck, gripping his back as you feel his muscles strain and tighten as he moves.
"I adore you Bunny, you're my everything. Even if you drive me crazy..."
You both giggle as he drives harder, kissing and biting at you as you chase him.
"Hmm Bucky, I'm gonna.. gonna come..." You whine as be growls in your ear.
"Come on Bunny, be my good girl..."
It doesn't take long before he drags you over the edge, a long moan falling from your lips as he growls in your ear from his own pleasure.
He gives you both a moment before pulling back slightly and more serious look on his face.
"So you gonna tell me now?"
You giggle and grab your phone, swiping this way and that before you let you an even harder laugh out as you show him the screen.
"I sent her on vacation, she's in Florida...and you paid for it..."
His scowl is back and your giggles become almost impossible to control, as he pulls back and buttons himself up.
"Bunny I swear to god...."
You sit up and grab his shirt, pulling him back to you.
"But if you flirt with anyone again," your face becomes as serious as his, "then I won't be so sensible next time."
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rey-jake-therapist · 3 days
Text
Ok, here am I again posting another TROP/Haladriel meta... Feel free to mute me if you can't take it anymore, these are gonna be two long weeks as there are still two episodes left...
We're having a lot of discussions about what we'll get to see in Episode 8 (maybe even a bit in episode 7??), and it's really great and exciting to speculate about what will happen when our two love birds mortal enemies finally meet again.
It seems to be the general consensus that Sauron will try again to convince her to be his queen. Now I may be the dissonant voice, but I personnally don't think it will be that straightforward.
Charlie said several times that Sauron was pissed that Galadriel rejected him, but that it wasn't the end of the world, for him. Meaning: he totally believes he can make it without her.
To the Nerdist, he said :
"Speaking of your old screenmate, Sauron asked Galadriel to be his queenOpens in a new tab at the end of season one of The Rings of Power. How much, if at all, does he still want that by this point? And does he think it’s a possibility? Vickers: I think he probably does think it’s still a possibility because he has this hubris and this self-love. He thinks he’s really cool, and he thinks, “Well, she rejected me once, but next time I come back for her, she won’t reject me again because I’ll be so powerful she won’t be able to.” But I don’t think he necessarily wants that. I think his initial proposal to her was to join him, and they could be king and queen of Middle-earth, but really, he would’ve been king, and she would’ve been his righthand woman. Any kind of dreams he has involve her being number two and him being number one."
(I would love to see him try to submit Galadriel to his will, btw. I mean, c'mon man)
To Collider, he said,
"His getting rejected definitely leaves him with this sour taste in his mouth, and he goes away thinking, “I can make this right.” Whatever that means to him. That's one of his throughlines in terms of his motivation or goals for this second season is how much he's driven and how much this relationship gives him a sense of purpose."
And to Schön:
That connection will endure as long as the show endures because although they might not be together in proximity when we pick it up, he’s pissed off that she has turned his pitch down [laughter]. That drives him to think, I can make her join me, or I’ll make her pay for this.
Here, there's also an interview he gave for Total Films, where he reveals that there's a "huge amount of urgency in each of them trying to obtain what they want in that situation": https://x.com/totalfilm/status/1830244276539654595
I'm sure I've read an interview where Charlie said that Sauron would probably want to taunt Galadriel with what they could have done together had she said yes. Edit : found it! Interview for TV Insider.
Second to his lust for more rings is Sauron’s desire to get the Elven rings back. “While he didn’t directly touch them, which is a big thing this season, [Galadriel] has this ring that he put all this effort into, and he wants that back,” Vickers admits. Sauron “covets” these jewels, “and particularly hers,” he explains, “because he knows what they represented when he was making them.” Sauron feels “taunted” and “pissed off” that Galadriel rejected him. That makes getting her ring back personal, but Vickers insists that “he’s past ruling with her.” That won’t stop him from showing her “what could have been, what you could have had,” Vickers teases.
Of course Charlie can't give much away. But so far, it matches with what we saw in season 2 : he's in Eregion, forging his rings of power with Celebrimbor, he's visibly happy (just kidding, the man looks exhausted and depressed), but sometimes he can't help but think of Galadriel.
I love how the experience is completely different for him, from it is for Galadriel: while she had a bittersweet flashback of her and Halbrand in the Southlands, he gets lost in the contemplation of Mirdania's hair because she reminds her of Galadriel, and manifests images in his mind palace that also remind him of her (there are several posts about all this on Tumblr, including one of mine... I won't enter into the details again).
It would be very OOC of Sauron to display an outright nostalgia for the time he spent with Galadriel as Halbrand, imho, even if it was only for the audience to see. He's not supposed to be sad and nostalgic, but pissed at her for rejecting him, and determined to move on and to obtain what he wants without her in the picture. He's probably annoyed af to see his thoughts shifting towards Galadriel while he's in the middle of something very important. He's in his "the fuck with her" phase of the breakup, which pretty much matches what Charlie said. In his hubris, he believes that once he has his rings, he will be so powerful that Galadriel will have no other choice than joining him. She hurt his pride, so now he wants to relish the sight of her submission to him.
Regarding the mind palace scene, precisely the one where the guy tells the Galadriel look alike he wrote a poem : it probably remained unnoticed by most viewers, but I think it's very significant that this scene arrived at THIS moment. Let me explain:
To convince Celebrimbor, Sauron first assures him that when the story of this age is written, the Silmarils will be "no more than a whisper". Of course it's meant to motivate Celebrimbor who always wanted to create something that would be remembered, like the Silmarils. But it can be interpreted as a personal goal for Sauron as well :
1) Morgoth found the Silmarils so beautiful that for weeks, "he could do nothing but stare into their depth".
2) Fëanor admired Galadriel's hair so much it gave him the idea of imprisoning and blending the light of the Trees, and three times requested a tress of hers (she always said 'no').
The two people he loved/admired but hurt him the most are connected to the Silmarils in a way, so he could see the creation of something "more precious" as a personal challenge. After he promises Celebrimbor that his rings of power will be "deemed the most precious creations in all Middle-Earth", and Celebrimbor returns to his workshop, his attention is caught by the sight of a couple. The man (whose face remains unseen, because he's a just a self-insert) tells the Galadriel look alike :
"I've written a poem, but I fear your beauty still overshadows anything I could possibly write."
Of course we joked about Sauron's pathetic attempt at poetry (it's terrible lol), but imho there was a deeper meaning to this scene. I think it was his subconscious manifesting what he already knows deep inside of him : that without Galadriel's light, there will ALWAYS be something missing. That what he told Celebrimbor was a lie, no matter how much Sauron wants it to be the truth. The Rings of power are his poem, but Galadriel's beauty/light will always overshadow it.
Hence why it's pretty much granted that he will try to "get Galadriel back". He'll show her how powerful he is now that he has the Nine rings, and his proposal will probably not be as charming as it was the first time. I think we should prepare ourselves to a lot of gaslighting and threatening from his part (he's still pissed off, guys). He'll surely tell her that Eregion is burning because she refused him, that kind of thing. He will definitely use her memories of Halbrand (it's pretty much confirmed by the presence of Halbrand's theme within The Temptation music, and maybe Galadriel's vision of Halbrand enters that scheme too), but will it be to show her what they could have had if she had said yes the first time, or what they could still be? It remains to be seen.
We probably shouldn't forget that in his mind, it happens like this: "she joins me, or I'm making pay for it".... It should be pretty intense.
Then we've got what Charlotte Brändström revealed about Sauron (bless her heart) :
"I think Sauron even really loves Galadriel and you will see that at the very end”
There are already several threads discussing how Sauron will show his love for Galadriel... Will he spare her? Save her in one way or another? Heal her because she's hurt? Prove her in some way that what he said he felt as Halbrand was real? Something entirely different? Anyway, it will be something that can't be confused with manipulation.
There, I said my piece. Why isn't it next Thursday yet?
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mj0702 · 22 hours
Text
For @helen-with-an-a and her master brain and for @valewosomtb because she's now officially allowed to run people over now
You just wanted to do something nice. For Ona. Who looked after you the whole week while Lucy was away all the way back in England to “get some things sorted” - namely selling the house Keira and she bought all those years back. The house you basically grew up in. But now was not the time to dwell on long gone things. Now was the time to worry. To worry about Ona. She was maybe small – but she was also damn scary.
You watched all them firefighters weaseling in and out of your (Onas and Lucys) house in their full firefighter clothes with breathing mask so they don't inhale all the smoke. The smoke you inhaled. Oh Lucy gonna be so pissed. You sat in the back of an ambulance, your arm bandaged all the way up to your shoulder an oxygen mask over your nose and mouth like you were starring in an episode of Grey's Anatomy. You looked up at the paramedic who smiled at you with pity in her eyes as she pulled another liquid into a new syringe
“Hey ehrm... quick question” you said your voice raspy as you pulled the mask from your face
“Yes?” the paramedic – who looked a LOT like princess norwegian – looked away from the medication and right at you
“Ehrm... how long will that take until everything is done and all of you guys are gone again?” you asked a little embarrassed
“You got a deep 2nd degree burn and a smoke in your lungs and you really want us to go?” the dark haired medic asked confused
“Yeah...” you looked up shyly
“Yeah sorry that's not going to happen” the woman said smiling slightly “... we need to take you into hospital but we have to wait for an adult that gives us consent to do so... so no, we won't leave in the next few minutes”
“I'm an orphan...” you quickly said
“Oh please” the dark haired woman snorted “... you really think we don't know who you are? If I have to I contact Alexia Putellas”
“Ona is going to kill me” you mumbled as you pulled the mask back over your nose
“Ona Batlle” the paramedic asked as she pushed the liquid into you IV
“Yeah...” you croaked under your mask before you started to cough
“Looks like you're out of luck...” the spanish paramedic smirked nodding towards the end of the street where you could see a black Cupra with an open drivers door and a blonde woman sprinting up the hill towards the scene
“Fuck me... hide me....” you coughed “... better... kill me... you're probably way softer about it... she'll just rip me head off”
“The panicked expression on her face tells me she won't rip your head off” the woman smiled after she took a quick glance at Ona
“That's her disguise... she always looks nice and friendly and approachable but no no....” you croaked out “... she's pure evil... small... but pure evil... she didn't allow me dessert the last three nights”
“So evil” the woman snorted “... is that why you tried to get into her good books again?”
“No.. that was supposed to be just a thank you” you mumbled
“Bebita...” Ona suddenly appeared next to the ambulance her face panicked her breathing labored
“I swear I had good intensions” you immediately said shuffling back a little bit
“Are you okay?” the blonde spaniard asked checking you over “Your arm... what's with your arm?”
“2nd degree burn... we have to take her in but we needed an adult to give consent” the paramedic woman said trying to keep her face neutral but everyone could see the smirk that was forming on her lips
“Yes yes of course...” Ona said quickly “... take her”
“What?” you squeaked out shocked “... you can't let them take me”
“To the hospital Bebita... I promise I'm right there with you okay?” the blonde said gently
“Just hop in... you can ride with us” the dark haired woman said and immediately Ona stepped into the Ambulance
“Ona.....” you whined as you saw the doctors and nurses speed walking past your hospital bed
“It's okay Bebita” Ona said softly holding your left hand her thumb stroking over your knuckles in a calming manner
“No.... everything went wrong” you felt tears prickle in your eyes
“I don't care what happened Bebé...” the spaniard said gently “.... all that matter is that you are okay”
“No...” you chocked out
“No? What you mean no?” Ona asked confused
“I ruined everything” you sobbed as Ona started to brush your tears away
“No no Bebita... everything is okay... you are okay and that's I need” the blonde kept her voice soft
“I swear I just tried to make something good” you kept crying and at one point Ona realized it was the painkillers that made you cry
“Something good hm?” Ona smiled when she saw how the pain medication kicked in
“I wanted to make you paella” you sobbed heartbreakingly “... like you always make it”
“Oh Bebita” the blonde sighed
“I went with Mapí to the market thingy to buy sea creatures and that was a disaster because Mapí bought a whole fin thing” you started to ramble while Ona had to bite her lip hard to not burst out laughing “... a WHOLE one... with all the inside stuff... when she asked if I wanted a whole fin thing I thought she meant like... not whole...”
“Hm...” Ona just hummed amused
“... and then we got some of them... crab snippy thingies... the bigger ones... the ones that always look at Lucy when she eats them” you kept on rambling not even caring that Ona had to work really hard not to burst out laughing at your misery “... and I said “just two” and Mapí talked speed spaniard and you know I can't follow speed spaniard”
“I know Bebita... your spanish got very good” the blonde praised you but you didn't even noticed it as you just kept on talking
“... I wanted to snippy snappies not two kilo... so I had a whole fin thing with inside stuff and a bag full of snippy snappies... and Maps was so proud of herself that she was the bestest translator that I couldn't tell her she got it all wrong” you sniffed
“What happened then?” Ona asked keeping you occupied since you didn't even noticed the nurse that started to change your bandage
“Well... I went to the beach and made a snippy snappie race to see which ones are the slowest so I wouldn't kill the best ones... they have the best chance to survive... so I let them free on the beach but they didn't race each other... they... just ran in different directions and in the end I had no snippy snappies” you sobbed “... but I still had the fin thing so I went home and thought I just make rice with fin thing for you and order burger for me... I don't like fin thing... bleh”
“I know Bebita... you don't like fish... or sea food in general” the blonde smiled
“So when I came home I had to... cut..” you started to heave
“Deep breath Bebita....” Ona said calming
“Do you know how much things fin things have inside them... so so many things” you gagged again “so I got all the insides outside and I figured we need an alligator so the insides just don't lay around on the outside in the kitchen”
“An alligator? You could have also just used the trash bin” the blonde chuckled
“His name is Jesús... he'll be such a good gator...” you said wishfully as a doctor checked out your arm making you wince in progress
“So you really prepared a fresh fish for me Bebita” Ona said distracting you from the pain
“Yeah... it was really bleh...” you scrunched up your nose your eyes glassy
“So... how did you end up occupying a whole fire department?” the blonde mused
“Oh yeah... so I made the rice yeah... I followed the YouTube steps to the brim...” you got back on track of your retelling what happened “... and put the fin thing in the pan... and then I remembered that I saw that thing on that show...”
“That thing on that show?” Ona asked confused
“Yeah... you know...” you showed a pan swivel motion
“No.. I don't but please continue” the blonde shook her head
“So I looked in Lucys adult cupboard...” you started again
“Wait... Bedroom or living room??” Ona interrupted quickly
“There's an adult cupboard in the bedroom?” you asked confused tilting your head
“No... no... absolutely not” the blonde back paddled quickly shaking her head
“Oh... okay... alcohol is not good in the bedroom... only alcoholics have alcohol in the bedroom” you slurred “... so I went to get some of the alcohol and put it in the pan like they always do in the show”
“Oh god...” Ona groaned suddenly knowing what you were talking about
“So I tried to make it extra crispy but it wouldn't... poof you know” you looked at Ona but in reality you looked through her “... so I took a match and threw it in there and then it went... poof... big poof”
“Oh Bebita” the blonde started to pinch the bridge of her nose
“I tried to extinct the fire but then my sweater got very warm and it got very... smoky and yeah... next thing I know is that the men with the heavy boots kicked in the door” you at least had the audacity to look guilty
“Bebita... I really appreciate you going out of your way to make dinner for me but PLEASE don't get yourself in danger like that” Ona said seriously but you were already looking in the other direction
“Did you know we are in a hospital?” you asked looking around in awe
“I'm feeling like I lived through that before” the blonde mumbled as you pointed at an exit sign
“That's so pretty” you said in awe “Pretty green”
“Mhm...” Ona hummed stroking over your forehead trying to calm you down so much that you fall asleep
“You’re also very pretty…. Pretty spaniard” you slurred
“That would be Alexia but thank you Bebita” Ona chuckled
“Oni...” you mumbled “... I'm getting sleepy”
“Then sleep Bebita” the blonde whispered gently hoping you would listen to her
“But the green is so pretty” you mumbled your eyes darting back to the exit sign
“I'll get you your very own pretty green sign if you close your eyes and sleep for a few minutes” Ona said softly
“Okay” you sighed deeply closing your eyes falling asleep instantly
“No Lucy... she's not badly hurt” you heard Ona speaking softly her thumb still running over your knuckles “.... her arm is burned and she inhaled a bit of smoke but the docs say she'll be good in a week or so”
You made a low whining sound resulting in Ona looking up and over at you
“She's waking up...” the blonde said into the phone “... I'll call you later okay? Yeah... Love you too”
“Hey Bebita... how are you feeling?” Ona asked softly
“Me throat hurts” you whine still half asleep
“That was to be expected Bebé” the blonde hummed stroking over your cheek
“I really didn't mean to cause trouble” you mumbled ashamed
“I know Bebita....” Ona kept her voice soft “.... but Lucy and I decided that you'll take some cooking lessons... with my Mamí”
“It was all Mapís fault...” you whined “... she started the whole fuck up with buying the wrong fish”
“We'll work on your cooking okay?” the blonde said gently seeing how your eyes start to fall shut once again “... sleep some more Bebita... I'll be here when you wake up again”
“Hey Bubs...” you heard a soft voice next to you “... open your pretty eyes for me okay?”
“Five more minutes” you mumbled trying to turn away just to turn onto your burned arm making you shoot up clutching your arm in pain
“Easy Bubs...” Lucy reacted quickly moving your hand away from your bandaged arm “... easy... breath Bubs”
“Owie” you whined tears shooting into your eyes
“Yeah.... you really outdid yourself this time” your sister chuckled “... Keira is not happy”
“Owie” you whined again
“Mhm...” Lucy hummed “... I just woke you up so I can force some more medication down your throat”
“No” you looked at your sister pitifully
“Yes...” your sister smiled gently “... come on Bubs... just two pills and then you can sleep again”
“Lucy” you whined just realizing your sister sitting next to your bed – your own bed “... when did I go home?”
“I got you home last night” Lucy smiled still holding two pills in her palm
“I....” you looked confused
“I know... you were dead to the world” your sister chuckled “Open”
“Nooooo” you whined pulling your head away from Lucy
“Bubs you know I will get these pills down your throat” Lucy said gently grabbing your chin “It's either you take them or I'll make you OR I'll get Keira... you have to take them... one is a painkiller and one is an antibiotics”
“You're so mean” you huffed but opened your mouth
“I know... good girl” your sister smiled popping the pills into your mouth holding out a glass of water “... swallow”
“I'm not Ona” you grumbled as you grabbed the glass
“Don't start....” Lucy warned you but still smirked “... open”
You opened your mouth showing your sister you swallowed the pills
“Good.... now... will you behave when Ona changes your bandages?” your sister asked
“It won't hurt right?” you asked scared
“No.... the nurses showed us how to do it” Lucy said gently as Ona entered the room carrying several bandages and creams
“No no no no no” you said as you saw the materials shuffling away from where Ona put the stuff down
“It's okay Bubs” your sister said calmly “... it's not going to hurt”
“I don't like that” you tried to get away but Lucy quickly got you and just pulled you in between her legs so you have know chance to run
“It's okay.... it won't hurt” Lucy repeated over and over again
“No Lucy please” you sobbed as your sister hugged you tightly into her
“Okay... okay... calm down” your sister said quickly “... we won't do it”
Ona shot Lucy a quick look and Lucy just shook her head before she returned to whisper sweet nothings against your temple to calm you down
“I thought we won't change...” Ona started half an hour later
“.... she's out cold... of course we change her bandages...” Lucy said as she carefully held your arm for Ona to unwrap it
“She's going to kill us” the blonde catalan mumbled working as quickly as she could
“We'll let her call Alexia later... she'll wake up high as a kite again.... she'll be so happy to talk to the “pretty spaniard” for as long as she wants” your sister grinned making her girlfriend chuckle
“I'm sorry Lucy... I really am” Ona said her voice low as she carefully pulled the compresses off your arm cleaning the burn
“What are you sorry for?” Lucy asked confused still holding your arm
“You trusted me with her... she got hurt... I should've...” the blonde started her voice breaking slightly
“Babe no... no no no” your sister quickly interfered “... it's not your fault”
“You left her under my watch and she got hurt... how can it not be my fault?” Ona sniffled lightly as she started to wrap your arm back up
“She's a klutz Babe... no one holds you responsible... not Keira... not Bubs... and definitely not me” Lucy said seriously “... you know how often she got hurt just because I turned around for a second... trouble finds her... I swear there's ONE glass shard on the whole beach... I guarantee you you she'll steps into it...”
“I got so scared when I saw all these firefighter trucks and ambulances....” the blonde confessed lowly “... I got scared for her but then I also got scared you could hate me”
“I could never hate you Baby... I love you” your sister said softly as she gently placed your arm back down
“.... now let get out of here and let her sleep and I show you just how much I love you” Lucy smirked pulling Ona out of the room while you snored peacefully
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merryslilhobbit · 17 hours
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There are so many things about the Daniel Ricciardo situation that frustrate and anger me, so I'm getting them off my chest before I lose the plot. I'm sure other people have said the same things, but here we go.
Horner made a whole big show of picking Daniel up after the McLaren debacle, bringing him back into "the family". Made himself out to be some sort of saviour. Rebuilding Daniel's confidence, his physical and mental health. Got a dig in at Zak in a press conference about "feeding Daniel up" because he was skinny. Invited DTS to see his return at Silverstone 2023. So to kick Daniel to the curb just a few races before the end of the season? Because they have "a lot of data on Daniel" and need to see other options for the future? Hypocritical c*nt.
Next, replacing him with someone they're not confident enough in to give a contract to straight away? Yes, Liam did a good job in Daniel's absence last year. This is absolutely not me shitting on Liam - I like him, and I think he and Yuki will be good teammates. But he's been out of full time racing for a while. Allegedly RB weren't overly excited about his testing times in the summer. While it will be interesting to see how he compares to Yuki, why are RB hanging onto Liam when they don't seem confident enough to give him a full time seat? Why are they so determined to keep pushing this one? (Yes I know the answer is probably contracts, but still.)
Then there's the fact that Daniel has actually outperformed Yuki in 6 of the last 9 races (since the start of the European leg). In the same period, they've scored the same number of points. Daniel has also been more consistent in his finishing position than Yuki. In terms of form, Singapore excluded (but I think we can forgive him that one, given the media shitstorm), he's been the better of the two and isn't it meant to be that the first person you need to beat is your teammate? There's only so much you can achieve in a tractor.
And we can't forget the Checo situation. Following the first six races he's bombed in comparison to Max. He's probably cost Red Bull the Constructors'. He was given a few races to improve, didn't and then was kept anyway (probably because of money and the Mexican GP). He often qualifies further behind (in time) Max than Daniel does Yuki. I know Red Bull are coming out now and saying they found a problem with their design from Barcelona last year, when Checo first started reporting issues but frankly I'm calling bullshit on that. As mentioned, Checo had six very good races and results at the start of 2024. And some decent ones at the end of 2023. At one point there was speculation that Daniel might even replace Checo mid-season (some reports say it was a done deal), so in the space of a few weeks to go from that to being dropped himself? I have whiplash.
And I think that's the hardest part. A lot of people were probably aware that it could be difficult for Daniel to get a seat for next year. But at no point was there any suggestion that he might get replaced mid-season. Not even in the middle, six races before the end. When Red Bull confirmed in the summer break that both Checo and Daniel would see out the seasons in their current seats.
Red Bull have created an absolute PR disaster and they deserve it. Driver of the Day, amongst many other things in the last 48 hours, reflects the love and respect so many people have for Daniel. People who see how emotional he was, who see that he didn't have an opportunity to say goodbye properly (fuck, even McLaren did that - remember the Monza 2021 photo on his steering wheel?). People who recognise that dumping him so close to the end of the season is ridiculous.
In the end, I hope that Daniel really is at peace with it all and is in better shape than he left McLaren; that he can be proud of all of his achievements in the sport. Drivers come and go, but very few make their mark in the way Daniel has done. He may not have broken records or won championships, but the fact that he will still be remembered for a very long time despite those things is a testament to his character, to the sort of person we all know and love.
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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cheswirls · 3 months
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i think (one of) the reason(s) i've been so lethargic abt art this month is i've reached a crux where my eye is trained better than my drawing skills so i don't like how my art looks anymore
logically i know the stepping stone from here is to do studies and a bunch of boring repetitious stuff to improve my basics but i don't wannaaaaaaaa (mostly bc it's summer n the semester burnout is real) so i am currently in limbo
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suncaptor · 4 months
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Perhaps it's good to acknowledge how much at a breaking point I am at. That I cannot be this trapped. That something has to change. In theory, I would have already changed it, since the problem is the helplessness. Like I need to stop living with this amount of financial deprivation and unsustainability. I need help and support. I need rest and distance from crisis. I need to feel safe.
#i need to blow past barriers and the problem is nearly all those barriers are lack of support money or having a disability#but i am not trapped how i was before#i don't know WHAT to do and i KNOW i cant do it alone — thats part of the problem#but i know something has to happen. i know this with the certainty and clarity i had that i had to escape before#and hey! i did that!#but the problem is. crucially. i cannot. do. it. alone. which! well what else do i do?#the lights are on. its all so clear#like even. all my PATTERNS for fucks sake man the times ive seemed to be doing better. .....#summer 2021.? summer 2022? even that brief interim now. i see everything its all so clear.#i cannot do this alone. its not even about having needs met for a month knowing next month i wont#bc then i wont this month either bc i wont buy food or medicine or anything#like man this is insane ive been bleeding and in agony for two weeks bc i couldnt get a doctor to prescribe A MEDICINE YOU CAN GET OVE#THE COUNTER#i need support i need to stop being trapped in this constant like. i dont think anyone gets. the degree.#or how im living#holy fuck how I'm living is fucked up#NO WONDER I CANT GET ANYTHING DONE#but i was doing better for a bit#bc the emergency housing#that support.#but its like.#this isnt normal. okay.#like people arent supposed to exist how i am in a society#this is fucked up#got told today i seem to have more barriers than anyone. but thats bc how i am living is impossible and the fact i am still engaging like#that is a fucking testimony#i cant do this. it has to stop. this isnt right. the fact this has been my life for so long is fucked up#my standard is fr '#'not being actively abused'#what about basic needs.
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spikeisawesome456 · 5 months
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.
#I might delete this later but I'm feeling a bit disheartened and want to just put this out there into the world but not super publicly#But like#The worst part of being overweight in my opinion is that it's so so hard to feel cute or pretty or even decent looking#I'm going to Japan with my older brother next week and I've been curating a cutesy Lolita-esque style outfit for the trip and I finally#got the last of the pieces so I tried it all on. And it's just... no matter how hard I try I can't really see myself as cute in it#I don't know maybe pink isn't my color and this just isn't my style. But.#I tried really hard to make an outfit I'd feel cute in and it's devastating to not really see myself as cute#And it's not really that I think I look bad per se it's just...#I don't know#Not what I wanted it to be I guess#And I know that if I posted pictures people would say ''wow you look great!!!'' because people always say that kind of thing#But I'd always think they were lying or were playing it up#Even if they really weren't#I just wanted to feel cutesy and everything and it hurts somewhere deep inside to not feel that way#I'll still wear the outfit in Japan since I spent enough time and money on this outfit but it really dampens my enthusiasm#And this wasn't the first time I've tried on the dress obviously. I've been trying it on periodically all along#But I kept hoping that once it was done and I had the makeup all on maybe I'd finally be able to see myself as cute#But no#I still don't. Not really.#It doesn't help that the dress itself doesn't even fit properly#I got it on sale which is what sparked this whole idea in the first place and it was always a size too small#It never zipped properly but I was able to work around that with an outer corset that held it closed#And a lace shrug that helped hide the weird bunching in the back#I can sometimes get the dress zipped now since I've lost a little weight#But it's a struggle and I can only do it about half the time and it feels like I'm going to break the zipper each time#I'd think to buy a new dress but a) that would cost even more money and I've already spent way more than I had wanted in my endeavor#to feel cute in this dress. And b) all of the accessories are tailored to this dress specifically#It would be hard to find a good replacement and there is no guarantee that would even help#So I just... I don't know#It's just hard.
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magentagalaxies · 5 months
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i have so much work to do for finals season which is frustrating bc on the one hand i'm very glad all my classes have project-based finals where i get to be creative instead of just doing an exam or a paper. however. i have a bad habit with every project-based final ever of accidentally getting an idea that's way too ambitious and creating more work for myself than i need to do
however this semester even tho i fell into that exact same trap my two most elaborate final projects each involve 1. editing a video essay which contains an interview i did with paul bellini and at least 45 seconds of it are bellini talking about why he thinks i have great potential as a comedian, and 2. editing a ten minute reel of the documentary footage i got on tour with scott. which of course involves rewatching various videos of me and scott being extremely chaotic together. so i stay winning ig
#my other finals include ''powerpoint presentation detailing the historical significance of mel brooks the producers''#and ''live sketch show that i actually don't have a significant role in but that's fine i have a different sketch class next semester''#(this sketch class was technically ''creating characters and solo performances'' and i really wish i could've done more)#(but also that whole interview-footage-debacle drained so much of my creative energy so sometimes doing the bare minimum is self care)#so i don't have a solo piece in the show. but i do get to say my favorite line in the whole show in a group sketch which is great#and i did sign up to perform an aubrey monologue in a sketch show in a suburb of boston next week#which is gonna be super interesting bc i've been looking to do more performing outside of my college#bc i've found that i don't think college kids are actually my target audience??? or at the very least i want to perform to a wider audience#it's frustrating bc for that show i have to trim the monologue down to 3 minutes but it's the tightest monologue i have and it's 5 minutes#so trimming it down feels like a game of jenga since it's so tight lmao#but honestly even if the performance bombs i'm mostly doing this so i can tell bellini about it lmao#he's so supportive of my comedy and he's been such a great help with my aubrey monologues i feel like this is bellini homework lmao#anyway i probably won't post the video essay publicly bc it's not the style of video essays i want to make#and it's too specific to the class it's for#but if people are interested in watching it i'll send you the vid when it's done#and for the tour video i'll probably post that or at least some version of it#bc that's just gonna be a fun teaser of ''here's the level of behind-the-scenes content you'll be getting from this doc!!''#and also a fun way to be like. audiences don't know me nearly as well as they know scott#but they will definitely know me by the end of this bc there are so many wild interactions i have on camera of me and scott being chaotic#anyway this post was mostly to organize my thoughts of what i still have to do this week#i am so ready to be done with school lmao i'm gonna be spending a full month in toronto this summer#and it's shaping up to be such an exciting time i can't wait
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sealovinq · 5 months
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i need friends /gen (slight rant in tags)
#xelle.txt#i noticed i don't really have a permanent circle of friends. at least irl#i have one online but they're also busy and i just can't dedicate my time to one friend group#i don't know - it's just the people i thought who were nice turned out to be the exact opposite#and when i found out about that i just kinda. lost interest in making any more friends#my partner is the only person i interact with on a daily basis. the irl friend group i was referring to earlier i'm not exactly close with-#-them either#i feel like if i didn't only give my time in nurturing my romantic relationship i would have done the same for my platonics too#that's still a problem of mine. my time management between love life and friends. heck i even got myself into an unsolvable problem because-#-of my inability to stay consistent#also my brain is kinda fried from reading 20+ pages so pardon any grammatical errors but yeah anyway#honestly i've been craving for interaction here. but i know i won't be active and it'd just be pointless#to gain more friends or followers. i don't exactly make content as consistently as i did before#the other day i had to vent to an ai (would you believe me if it was cha.tgpt) about my troubles because i had no one else to talk to lol#there's just so much going on irl 😭 ya girl's almost starting college and they're throwing so much tasks at us!!#and i feel very very stressed about it because they're usually done in groups i am ALWAYS the assigned leader#which gets exhausting especially when there are lazy members present#anyway#hopefully this weekend i get some time to cool off. but next week i'm back to grinding and working#lol i don't even think i'm in the top ranks anymore. i'm so burnt out.#this is what being an academic achiever gives you oops ZZHSIAHAHAJAHHS#imma sleep now 😭#idk you can just interact with me or recommend someone you know who self ships in the same medias i do#goodnight everypony 🫶#vent tw#rant tw
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gabriellovescandy · 6 months
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Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me
#I am so fucking tired of my parents#if I don't find a full time job soon (which i haven't been able to find for the past six months)#it's possible that my dad will be given the opportunity to live in our house by the state#apparently it can be done in around ten days once it's decided#can i trust my mother with these kinds of informations? absolutely not. but there is a 50/50 chances that it's true#i have saved as much as i could all my life in preparation of this moment and i do have enough money to move but it takes time#every other week my mother comes home with similar kinds of insane informations for me to process#one week she reassures me everything is fine and i have like a couple of years before leaving this house#the week after. this.#i have no idea of what's real or not#i am so stressed that last week i lost the ability to finction for three days straight#i am going insane#and i am in no condition to find jobs i've applied to very little positions in this timeframe also because of this stress that paralyzes me#i am not depressed but god i am indeed exausted#i also have surgery planned (do not know the date yet it's not a difficult one but i never had one and i am scared shitless)#and technically i am in a promising job selection but it's a public one so no one tells you nothing and it can take up to six months before#someone calls you back#so i am inside a limbo on every aspect of my life and it's unreal#i can't even see my psychologist because she's getting surgery next week so i'll see her the week after#i don't have the streight to write this new developement to friends#i think i'll just deadscroll for a while and then go to bed#i don't know. i'm so tired and at the same time not at all tired#i'm doing nothing with my days but i still need everything to stop#i don't know#stuff
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autistic-shaiapouf · 6 months
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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seventh-district · 9 months
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wow!!! nothing better than watching your AO3 subscribers stat go down every time you post a new chapter of your current fic!!!
#/sarcastic btw. i am. Not happy about this recent development#Seven.txt#writing stuff#ao3#like. don't get me wrong i do understand why and i can't fault anyone and i'm not like.. Mad. but it does hurt a lil#but alas. tis the nature of creating and posting things. not everything's gonna be received well and that's fine#it does suck to see a fic i put so much time and effort and love and part of myself into flopping so hard#not because i wrote it for anyone's sake other than my own#but i'd be lying if i said i didn't want people to enjoy the things i create. that's like. a normal and common desire#and i think i maybe killed it before it could get going with how i tagged it and the bigass disclaimer at the beginning#i think those turn a lot of ppl off that might otherwise read and maybe even find that they enjoy it??#but i would rather over-warn ppl for the triggering and non-canon aspects than under-warn them and potentially trigger or upset someone#and i can't blame ppl that subscribed for some Other thing when they open their email and see a notif that i posted smthn#and it's a mile of upsetting/negative sounding tags for a fic abt a guy they either don't know or don't wanna see mischaracterized#and so of course they unsub and that's okay. it's okay.#anyways. enough bitching abt my fic not doing well. i don't have much room to complain!#most of my stuff is fairly well received imo. so i can stand to have a flop fic every once in a while. gotta balance things out lmao#the good thing is it's already fully written so the lack of engagement can't stop me!! there's no motivation to kill! it's done already!#anyways. i'll post a chapter a day as planned and then it'll be out of my system in a week and i can post other stuff again finally#next up will be an [N]MbD oneshot. then i'll finally post the Dew Ghost Band OCD fic. then another [N]MbD oneshot ehehe#and thennn ES Ch.5! fucking finally. i can't wait to continue that story#the Dew fic is a oneshot too btw. once AEIWNF is fully posted then the only multi-chapter project i'll have is ES. and that's Enough
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rapidhighway · 2 years
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dear god I've tried everything I've had every possible idea and attempt i am going to fail sculpture because I'm scared of the two guys who teach it and so i can't go to them for help but also i need to present my project next week and i have literally nothing because I don't know how to make a sculpture
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