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#I am so fucking tired of my parents
gabriellovescandy · 2 months
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Kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me
#I am so fucking tired of my parents#if I don't find a full time job soon (which i haven't been able to find for the past six months)#it's possible that my dad will be given the opportunity to live in our house by the state#apparently it can be done in around ten days once it's decided#can i trust my mother with these kinds of informations? absolutely not. but there is a 50/50 chances that it's true#i have saved as much as i could all my life in preparation of this moment and i do have enough money to move but it takes time#every other week my mother comes home with similar kinds of insane informations for me to process#one week she reassures me everything is fine and i have like a couple of years before leaving this house#the week after. this.#i have no idea of what's real or not#i am so stressed that last week i lost the ability to finction for three days straight#i am going insane#and i am in no condition to find jobs i've applied to very little positions in this timeframe also because of this stress that paralyzes me#i am not depressed but god i am indeed exausted#i also have surgery planned (do not know the date yet it's not a difficult one but i never had one and i am scared shitless)#and technically i am in a promising job selection but it's a public one so no one tells you nothing and it can take up to six months before#someone calls you back#so i am inside a limbo on every aspect of my life and it's unreal#i can't even see my psychologist because she's getting surgery next week so i'll see her the week after#i don't have the streight to write this new developement to friends#i think i'll just deadscroll for a while and then go to bed#i don't know. i'm so tired and at the same time not at all tired#i'm doing nothing with my days but i still need everything to stop#i don't know#stuff
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doggirlnarcolepsy · 8 months
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"Your dad doesn't have 2000kr for medicine for you and Saskia every month"... Mom, my dad makes over 40000kr a month before taxes and spends it on literally nothing, I've done the math, I've seen his bank statements. He's the cheapest motherfucker on the planet Earth and barely even my dad with how he wasn't even fucking there for me as a child.. And don't fucking try to gaslight me about how much money you borrow from him.. you start every conversation about him with "OH I just borrowed money from your dad". Literally claiming you've never borrowed money from him for medicine when you did so LAST MONTH.
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starry-bi-sky · 1 month
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realizing i have. a lot of untapped trauma potential for clone^2 danny because i just Fully Processed Four Months Late the fact that his parents were capturing and torturing ghosts in the basement before he became Phantom. and the fact that he was on house rest for 2 weeks. during that time period. and he wasn't really leaving the house. he could hear their screaming through the floorboards
*points at clone danny* i can give you suuuuuuch a bad time babe ahaha. i've got two untouched years before you meet damian what fucks you up before then
#dpxdc#dp x dc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#clone^2#danny fenton is a clone#like i dont even need to traumatize you worse the pure explorative options from this aLONE is enough to feed me for a week.#like. tucks hair behind ear let me shatter you into glass pieces then glue you back together babe. i can put you back together so good.#i'm missing a few shards because some parts of you broke into such small pieces i couldn't pick them back up again so you'll be missing a#few chunks of yourself that you'll never get back but that's okay. you'll still be a resemblance of your old self :]#don't let anakin (me) listen to late night sad songs he makes angst.#hhh imagine being stuck in a house for two weeks where you can hear your parents torturing ghosts in the basement and not only that but#you're the only person who can undERSTAND the ghosts. how many times did he see his parents drag in a ghost with whatever capturing device#they made recently? iirc the thermos was like. brand new in episode one right? but gOD the trauma this alone would cause#nobody touch me im cooking rn i need to think about how this would impact danny. like obvs it would fuel into a developing obsession to#keep his parents away from ghosts and to help the dead but what *else.* i need to refine my becoming phantom ficlet i wrote back in winter#raaa#and like even after two weeks they were *still capturing ghosts* danny just wasn't in the house 24/7 at the time.#*but those two fucking weeks man*#i need to sleep on this first before i make any major moves bc i know im tired but i am having thOUGHTs
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guardian-angle22 · 1 year
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TK/Carlos + Looks
↳ 2.08 Bad Call
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ihearnocomplaints · 5 months
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I point you all to my ko-fi page once more -> link
my parents, enraged that I didn’t sort a massive mound of clothes yesterday (after doing the other chores they asked), essentially decided they are going to start charging me rent.
So this is just in preparation for that moment when they do start asking. I’m still trying to save up to move out. It’s not a huge deal yet (idk how much they’re going to charge) so there’s no pressure to donate.
I work a full time job so I can’t really give much in return. But I can take doodle requests upon proof of donation! I’ll doodle any DCA you want.
Thanks.
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felizusnavidad · 24 days
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my job makes me want to kill myself but maybe spending all my money on theatre tickets is the way
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fluffypotatey · 10 months
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*smashes in like the Kool-Aid man*
PENDRAGON SIBLINGS YOU SAY????
I have. So many Feels. About Themst™
The complexity?? The layers?? The angst?? Hello??????
Their relationship is just So Much, because you are right, it's all tangled up in miscommunication and missed opportunities, and so many problems that can be sourced back to Uther "War Crimes" Pendragon, who wouldn't know a healthy relationship if it bit him on the ass.
If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.
Because it's the lonely childhoods, the shared grief, the friendship, the vulnerability, the fondness, the teasing, the envy, the jealousy, the almost romance, the protectiveness, the betrayal, the loss, the hurt, the refusal to let go and the desperate hanging on, and the love, the love, the love.
Indifference is the true opposite of love.
Hate is love that's gone rotten.
“If Merlin and Arthur are two sides of the same coin, then Arthur and Morgana are edges of the same blade.” oh fuck….
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK
WAIT HOLD ON WAIT LEMME PIGGYBACK ON THAT BESTIE @0hheytherebigbadwolf (tagging you bc it will be a couple days after you sent this ask)
(Also, for anyone wanting background context on what me and bestie are bouncing off on: voilà)
OK OK SO
we are all familiar with King Uther being the greatest (worst) dad of all time, correct? places such high expectations on his “only son and heir” whilst never officially acknowledging Morgana as his daughter until the very end?
F+ father of the year :)
he is not above sending his children into the dungeon if they disobey him as seen here:
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(Jfc he even put Morgana in chains like wtf)
also, he is not above using emotional guilt towards them when he deems it necessary (aka one of the only times he actually acknowledges them as his children)
UTHER (1x02 Valiant) I trust you will make me proud.
UTHER (1x08 The Beginning of the End) I’ve treated you like a daughter. Is this how you repay me?
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) You are the daughter I never had.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) You would believe a sorcerer’s lies over the word of your father?
not to mention that when Arthur or Morgana try to reason with him or argue with him since they are the only ones with the status to do so, he pulls rank
UTHER (1x12 To Kill the King) May I remind you that you are speaking to your King [...] Take care, child, or I’ll have you restrained.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am your king and your father. You will show me some respect!
UTHER (2x06 Beauty and the Beast) We live in dangerous times, I cannot allow you to undermine my authority.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final.
ngl i could include more but i have already spent hours searching for shit (YOUTUBE WILL DIE BY MY HAND THAT STINGY BITC—) but y’all get what i mean: Uther is an abusive fucker and it has messed up the conditions of Arthur and Morgana
now, about the double edged blade…..
as previously established, Uther is a fucking dick and wants his children to obey him but also adore him. with this behavior, the Pendragon siblings react in two ways: with anger & contempt or submission and remorse
way #1
i’m gonna start with Morgana because anger is the easiest to pick out throughout the show. in the first episode of the first season, our introduction to Morgana’s character is her lecturing Uther about executing the man Merlin witnessed upon entering Camelot (such a warm welcome for Emrys, mh?)
MORGANA I just don't think chopping someone's head off is cause for a celebration. That poor mother. UTHER It was simple justice for what he'd done. MORGANA To whom? He practiced some magic, he didn't hurt anyone. UTHER You were not around twenty years ago, you have no idea what it was like. MORGANA How long are you going to keep punishing people for what happened then?
early on, it is easy to pick up on Morgana’s resentment and anger at Uther, who she believes is blinded by his fear of magic and his need for control (which she isn’t wrong about). also, we find that she isn’t one to back off when poking the bear (Uther). she does it constantly in seasons 1 & 2
MORGANA (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) Why would she kneel on a cold stone floor morning after morning when she could make these things happen with a snap of her fingers? Like an idle king!
MORGANA (1x08 The Beginning of the End) How can this child be your enemy? He's just a boy. UTHER He is a Druid. MORGANA Is that such a crime?…What have these people done to you? Why are you so full of hate?
UTHER (2x04 Lancelot and Guinevere) How many men would you have me sacrifice to save a servant? MORGANA  As many as it takes!
to be honest, i wouldn’t be surprised if screaming, arguing and berating Uther about his morals and ethics is her way of proving that she is not weak or submissive to his actions. i mean, Morgana grew up in a household the complete opposite from her time in Camelot. Gorlois, the man whom Morgana considers to be her father and one and only family member, was said to be “just” and “kind” and someone that Uther even considered a good friend who openly kept him in check. Morgana, until the age of ten, understood parental love and empathy unlike Arthur, who spent his whole life without any good or healthy substance of it.
the culture of Camelot and Uther’s wrath is not something Morgana was ever able to fully acclimate to as Uther himself pointed out in 1x12. She “was at odds with [him] since the beginning” and could never picture herself as a Pendragon (point further proven in 4x05: she looked revolted when Queen Annis compared her to Uther) because she didn’t share in their idea of magic = evil and a king = absolute control.
ironic in terms of future plot events, isn’t it :’)
way #2
compare that to Arthur: man’s respressed af. keeps all his emotions under lock and key if they are anything but haughty and serious. y’all, Arthur even says it himself how he “[can't] disagree with Father [Uther] in public.” whenever Arthur finds himself at odds with Uther, he holds his tongue and waits until he can disobey secretly (2x05 when he leaves to rescue Gwen, 1x08 when he helps Morgana sneak out Mordred in the dark of the night, 2x08 when he sneaks out to meet Morgause for more info about his mom, etc). it is only the rare moments when Arthur feels impassioned enough to speak up without fearing any retribution does Arthur talk back at him (so satisfying 👌)
ARTHUR (1x03 Mark of Nimueh) [Morgana’s] right, Father. You hear the word magic, you no longer listen.
ARTHUR (2x08 Sins of the Father) This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them….You hunted her kind like animals! How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?!….You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!
ARTHUR (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You can't forbid my feelings any more than I can. I won't deny them any longer, I love her. I love Guinevere.
we can even compare how the two react to Uther’s violence towards them
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(ahahahahahaaaaa what a wonderful dad)
on the left, you see Arthur’s face right when Uther crushes the morteus flower needed to heal Merlin (his manservant/friend/????) and on the right, is Morgana after Uther discovers she was harboring a Druid child in her chambers and she refuses to listen to his reason.
notice how both faces are remarkably similar 👀
however, Arthur’s look of shock and dismay come from his hope that Uther would do the right thing. that he would help save Merlin’s life from dying of poison. that he wouldn’t use this as a method to teach Arthur “what it means to disobey and cross the king.” he truly did hope, just like he always does with the people he holds close. Arthur cannot help but hope and trust that those close to him will not betray him and yet so many do. hence the remorse
looking at Morgana, her shock comes from the fact that this might be the first time Uther reacted to her words and actions in a physical manner. my suspicion is that most of the time, all Morgana previously got was Uther reprimanding her and yelling at her to stop questioning his methods (bc, let’s be real, she was the favorite child.) never has he lifted a finder on her like Arthur and i have proof (cue transcript!)
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AND! and, Arthur is constantly warning Morgana about not angering Uther any further because of the consequences she might face (consequences this boy is very familiar with) when Uther deems it necessary to “teach” his children obedience.
UTHER (1x04 The Poisoned Chalice) You have to learn there's a right and a wrong way of doing things. I'll see you're let out in a week. Then you can find yourself another servant.
UTHER (3x10 Queen of Hearts) You have caused this to happen, Arthur. My decision is final [...] This is for your own good. - UTHER She will die. The enchantment will be broken. You'll see I was right.
UTHER (2x08 Sins of the Father) I am protecting you from your own foolishness!
so educational 🥰 but see, because Uther presents his punishments as lessons, Arthur himself views them as just a fucked up but meaningful way of his father’s concern because “yeah, I am the first born son and only heir to the throne. of course I need to learn not to do silly things like disobey, talk back to him, be my own person.” <- I’m paraphrasing here
Arthur does and has never seen a way out of the life thrust upon him by Uther (see 3x06). succeeding Uther as king, marrying a noblewoman of high standing for heirs and alliance strength was always expected of him. Arthur never saw a way out of this. even when he and Gwen were in their secret relationship phase, Arthur had to remind himself that this would never last. he loved her and knew she loved him, but there was always that reminder (that sounded a lot like Uther) in the back of his head telling him that it would never last so long as he was prince. he had a duty (constructed by Uther) to serve Camelot and going against his father would mean (in his eyes) that he is going against Camelot (as Uther always presented it to be).
so unlike Morgana, he did not kick and scream but stood firm because that was what he believed was stronger. if he stayed in his lane and did his part, then he would be a good king, maybe even a better one than his father, for Camelot. however, the show proves that differentiating himself from Uther actually made him the better king and more respected, but this is not the meta for that. I am getting side tracked.
OK: so we’ve established parental issues between the two siblings. now onto their very complex, complicated yet beloved dynamic
sO, as i mentioned in this post (because i am lazy and too tired to copy/paste the evidence from there), these siblings do care for one another. they just go about it in the most hilarious and repressed and in-denial way (hilarious to me 😤)
when we meet them, it’s established that these two have known each other for some time. enough for them to bicker and have banter, you know, as you do with a Pendragon. also, should add, neither character are ever aware they are blood-related until s3 (because of some weak-ass bitch named Uther), so you have that very, uh, interesting subplot in s1 that everybody forgets about until you rewatch it. (honestly, I have so many questions. number 1: why???? number 2: it’s only in s1—was it scrapped??? is it like it never existed???? what was its purpose to the plot??? bbc explain yourself—)
however, despite how much it is shown that they do care for one another, they’re relationship in s1 is still undefined and vague as if they also don’t know how to accurately define what the other means to them. it’s very similar to the whole “i really love this person so much but is what i’m feeling platonic, familial, or romantic?” because….you know, guy and girl besties who are close are typically expected to grow romantic feelings for each other, so tbh i would not be surprised if both mistook their love as romantically inclined in the beginning bc, reminder, neither of them were aware they were siblings until much later.
[and this is ALL i am saying on this subplot. i do not want to cause any negative discourse, so if anyone has a few choice words about it, either keep it to yourself or feel free to talk about it with people you know. personally? not a fan of the ship and never will be, but i am not here to post about that.]
anyway, have some featured receipts showing Arthur and Morgana slipping up and showing how much they care for each other.
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SEE!!!! LOOK AT HOW THE CARE!!!! SEE HOW THEY WORRY FOR THE OTHER AND WISH TO PROTECT THEM FROM HARM!!! (and see how even when they’re on opposite sides there is still that same love. just more warped and corrupted T^T)
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^worried/protective Morgana
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^Arthur’s face after Merlin informs him that there’s an intruder heading to Morgana’s chambers
Morgana is very aware of Arthur’s trusting nature. Arthur is very aware of Morgana’s empathy and righteous nature. they understand each other so well which is why Morgana knew just how to harm Arthur in later seasons and why Morgana’s betrayal hit Arthur so hard. it’s also why he never stopped trying to reach out to her in s4 & s5. as @merlinemrys said in this lovely post, the show’s driving force is love. love of all kinds. whatever conflict it is, love is there at the center of it all and, in Arthur and Morgana’s case, it does not save them (just like how love does not save Merlin or Arthur from what lies ahead, as the op of the post pointed out).
that is what makes their relationship/love be like a double edged sword!! that is why they are edges of the same blade!!! they protect and fight for what they believe in and for the people they love, but the same blades cut deep and twist their wounds into a lasting scar.
it is because of Arthur’s love for Morgana that he cannot help but hope and mourn the woman he once knew. it is because of Morgana’s love for Arthur that her feelings of hatred are so strong and ugly.
like honestly,
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look at them T^T compared to before
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their relationship is so tragic T^T because we knew them before it all went wrong. we knew they cared and understood each other. we knew that for some time, they only had each other to rely on for a friend, a crutch, a breather for when the royal life was too much. both of them were fighters and strive to honor their values. both of them had once leaned on the other for support, had wanted nothing but happiness for each other.
fuck, they didn’t even get the chance to really be siblings because they found out too late, and by then Morgana was on a war path and Arthur only found out at the last minute.
like fuck, man
two sides of the same blade: forged with love, yet used for blood
screencaps brought to you by me, @sourdough-morbread, and farfarawaysite
#i will spare you the gorey details of me trying to fine decent screencaps & screenshots for this fucking post or else i’ll get pissed again#(i am considering whether it is worth it to go to war with youtube)#special thanks to my bestie mor for being there for me at the gorey times and helping me find more screenshots#fucking love you bestie 💕💕💕💕#also only including s1-2 bc i am tired and they are the ones where we get pendragon siblings not trying to kill each other#forgive me for always bringing up uther and the pendragon sibs’ upbringing with him it will happen again#also after hours of rereading transcripts and rewatching clips of bbc merlin: it is so obvious that uther cared and treated Morgana like hi#own child more than Arthur. like jfc he let’s her get away with so much stuff he is way for gentle with his words towards her#when he realizes that he was too cruel or rude like bro…..where tf was that for arthur#it just adds to the complicated sibling dynamic because there is the added jealousy and resentment of knowing a parent loved another more#literally most of Morgana’s time with Uther was her at odds with him and yet he views her as his child more#well no ducking dur that Arthur ‘i-would-do-anything-to-receive-my-father’s-love-attention-and-pride’ Pendragon resents Morgana for#always being the one Uther goes easier on and finds ways to turn a blind eye for like wtf#also during my research i was reminded of how done dirty Gwen’s story was by bbc#loses her father to a king fearful of magic barely gets to mourn him bc she now has to keep up the smithy and her maid job; reunites#with her brother who’s been AWOL for some years and still they don’t get a moment to talk about their dad and mourn TOGETHER#her storyline is pushed aside by s4 bc now she’s fulfilling the role of Arthur’s love interest and oh yeah they still need to incorporate#the lanceot/guinevere scandal and then banish her for some episodes without even letting her brother be mad about it like ?????#anyway#continued saga of fluffy rereading transcripts -> uther: ‘it’s been a long time since Ygraine…since anyone’ me: ducking liar >:(#[sir leon begins the slow clap] king you dropped this 👑IT IS 1AM HELP 😂#place your bets on where my laziness for evidence came in! (I honestly don’t know lol scavenging evidence is all a blur)#spent 2 days on this post lol#me: ok i think that’s enough evidence for this argument…………ok maybe ONE more won’t hur—#me after day 2: ….am i done???? am i free????#pendragon siblings coming behind me with a steel chair: nah mate!#me: FUCK THERE’S MORE#bbc merlin#merlin meta#pendragon sibs
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goodbyetoromance · 30 days
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My home state is disappearing under huge rains and catastrophic floods bc the government knows all about the climate emergency but does nothing to prevent it lol
If only we could save the enviroment and thousands of vulnerable people but alas, there are a dozen billionaires who need more money 😔😔😔
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puppyeared · 4 months
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adhd comix
#man i dont even have the energy to be mad. im just tired#like. dont u love it when your parents exhibit symptoms of ADHD and your sibling is diagnosed with a learning disability#and instead of thinking oh shit what if the other one has smth too. they subject you to The Horrors#i cant bring myself to hate my parents. but im tired of feeling obligated to defend them when the thing they think is working#isnt actually working and ive just found other ways to cope to avoid any sort of conflict. like lying and stealing. lol#if someone took me aside and said 'hey so your brain doesnt make as much dopamine as usual and its not a bad thing it just means you#need external stimulation and reward system to function and youre not actually secretly fucked up or lazy' as a kid#im pretty sure i wouldnt be here rn with half the problems i already have. unfortunately getting diagnosed late means u dont have a teacher#to back you up at a parent teacher conference that forces your parents to take this shit seriously instead of ignoring it hoping itll#go away on its own. but hey what do i know i have squirrel ipad baby disease. what do i know about my own symptoms#AND. AND i think im allowd to be mad bc ive been doing my own research on this for years before and after diagnosis#theyve been putting me thru the WORST parenting techniques on earth. which they could have corrected at anytime but they were#comfortable thinking they were doing it right and didnt bother to check if they were or werent fucking up their kid in the long run#and refusing to acknowledge it. i just!! they just decided one day hey lets make babies!! and just looked at books on how to make#a human being survive as long as possible!!! what the fuck!!!!#im sorry for putting this on ppls dashes but i am. so tired. of bottling this up. and im not looking for sympathy or anything i just need#to scream and clench my fists to SOMEONE about it because theyre not gonna take this well up the ass. sigh#yapping#vent
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da-proti-toku-grem · 1 month
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my mom found this super detailed online test that helps you find careers that you'd probably like according to your answers (ofc we know that it's just a test and it doesn't mean you have to study what they give you, but i just can't find anything that i like and i'm running out of time, so we were like, why not yk) so, i took the test and after 30 minutes of answering questions you know what i got? biotechnology. the same career that i chose last year and the one i dropped out of in january.
idk if i want to laugh or cry tbh
#i mean it gives you more than one option but this was the one with more compatibility#and the other ones are also a big no for me so...#god idk what to do with my life#and atp i can't help but start thinking (again): did i drop out bc i didn't like the career or bc my mental health is SO bad#i think it's a combination of the the two bc yeah i probably would've enjoyed the few months i did at least a bit more if i wasn't depresse#but i REALLY didn't like it#tho then again i don't know what changed bc it WAS what i wanted and then i got there and i went NOPE almost immediately#and like i know your opinions can change and that is good that i dropped out if i realized that's not my thing#but i can't help but wonder if it is really not my thing or is my brain just not letting me enjoy the things i like?#bc every option i've been looking at to start next year is like... No#i can't find anything i think i might enjoy at least a little bit#i found this university that i gives you the possibility of doing the classes and exams online and everything#and that would be to study 'translation and interpretation' with english & french (& spanish ofc)#and since i'm already bilingual in english & i've a certificate in french (not bilingual but is smth) i would be able to skip some subjects#which is good i guess and i like languages but it's also like the opposite of what i've been doing my whole life bc i studied science in hs#and then again idk if i'll like it or not#and i know i won't know if i like it or not until i try it out and everyone is like 'well if it's not your thing then you drop out again'#which i mean is true i Can but god i don't want to go through all this again i need at least a bit of certainity or i'm gonna go insane#also i've been searching for so long w/o findinf anything that my parents are already saying#'well if you don't want to study you'll have to look for a job'#and if the thought of studying a carreer is already scary#if i have to look for a job rn (there are not many options here if you don't have a degree)......#the thought itself makes me sick :/#i just don't know what to do and i'm so fucking tired i just want to curl up in bed and not do anything for at least 2 months#(am i having another existential crisis after that panic attack 3 days ago or did the existential crisis not stop since january?)#(probably sooner)#(i guess we'll never know........)#venting#maca speaks
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ghostofasecretary · 5 months
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it's been a while since i've cried hard enough to have a headache but. sure got there today, babes!
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siriuslynephilim · 1 year
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spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me
#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason#the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2#i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head#and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet#and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay#he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all#i have no idea what he has that i don't#but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about#not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me#not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act#im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough#for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away#from my sociopathic parents#and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough#but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d#exams#and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then#never cry#i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really#trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing#oh god this is now a ventpost#mes
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spacemancharisma · 1 month
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#I don't know how to do this#I don't know how to fucking do this#I had a fucking Hours long crying breakdown after my parents left today#bc i'll never be fucking good enough for them#but if I say anything then we're acknowledging it and maybe it's better to not acknowledge it#maybe we just go back to ignoring the distance#if I say anything then I’m the bad guy again#I don't want to have to do this I don't want to have to keep being the one who steps forward first#I just want to stop trying and let it be what it is and let it hurt in a dull distant way#i've started crying again just from thinking about it#and I don't cry. I haven't cried more than like a light sniffle in three years until today#(bc of antidepressants)#I don't know what to do#I don't want to make it worse I don't want to hurt her feelings I don't want to be the one that starts shit#and I knoowwww I’m gaslighting myself bc she trained me to do this and I Cannot ignore the. two hour bathtub sob#but god what if I *am* the problem what if I *am* instigating and actually we had a good day#what if I’m expecting too much from her and this is better so maybe this is as good as it gets#do I bear it? do I bear it because she can't?#I know it's not fair and I know i'm hurting but maybe that's better than her hurting#do I just carry it for both of us?#I’m not a kid anymore I don't have that excuse#maybe this is womanhood. carrying it so your mother doesn't have to#she's carrying it for my grandmother. maybe this is just it.#I don't know. I don't know what to do.#I’m so fucking tired and it hurts#whatever.#vent#sad kids with bad moms club
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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months
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5ducksinatrenchcoat · 9 months
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school kinda sucks, not even gonna lie
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