#i think im just rly mad bc
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i cant sleep so um here u go
#im sry kendrick is beefing with ppl n he's the best n im so fixated on it i have 2 get some of the thoughts out of my brain#he srsly fit so much into that verse#a 7min response where u gotta diss trans ppl bc ur mad that kendrick is actually woke and always ahead of the curve is so fking pathetic tbh#like i even like the flow and the change ups#i do think established rich ass rappers incorporating drill is trend chasey and borderline gentrification#hot hot hot takes sry#but just listening to the leaks on kendricks upcoming single is just#it just proves that he rly is in a league of his own#his style is so different n new every single album and ppl fucking hate him for it#he's not chasing trends he's doing him#ok sry i think thats most of my thoughts im sry im very uneducated but he's just.... the best ok?#this is prob so fking random so most of u n the rest prolly wont agree with anything im saying so uhm sry#pls ignore these tags n just focus on my tiddies n think abt the fact that if u shove ur dick down my throat i stop talking#kthx bye <3#me
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ron: autism. glenn: adhd. henry: anxiety. darryl: a different shade of autism. jodie: adhd as well. (a demon, a hell demon if you will)
#i love making glenn and jodie have the same traits#i think its so funny i think theyre super similar in many ways but most personality traits#(i say most bcs in fact they are also very similar when theyre mad jealous etc#(see the football match and when they tried to ceremony well actually)#and glenn just Has adhd also like. absolutely#darryl is so autism#ofc ron also but thats an easy one#darryl has dad autism#where his special interest is like. mowing the lawn and he only likes two different meals#and he does the same things around the house every day in the same order#henry i thought is also kinda autism coded but idk actually he reads not autism to me#he could have like add and is just rly good at coping with it#and sparrow and oak obvs have adhd#but what im CERTAIN of is henry anxiety#anyway im in class#glenn close#henry oak#dndads#dungeons and daddies#dungeons and daddies s2#dungeons and daddies s1#darryl wilson#ron stampler
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i got so angry about the AB remaster i drew this
#maplestory#satsuhart#angelic buster#tear#sorry i have to go off about it bc i dont wnna make a separate post about it#im so angry about every single aspect of the new design and art holy shit#simplified all her patterns but added more colours to her main outfit resulting in a rly shitty colour palette#even got rid of her cute peach pink hair with yellow gradient for some bullshit pink/blue hair dye#the bows are drawn SO badly they look so cheap and the added colour looks terrible . her og outfit never even had pink#and dont even get me started on the weapon and the addition of hearts to her design HOLY SHIT im so mad#like before it very clearly had a fantasy 'idol... who Fights' vibe but now she just looks like any low budget jp idol#fkin ruined the look of her soul shooter i used to like the design so much now it looks like a knockoff kids toy that would shoot bubbles#WITH A HEART >!>?!??!?! im gonna kill something#im also so mad theyve fully rounded out her eyes and ADDED HEARTS?!?!?! like i really liked how she had sharp kinda dragony pupils#but thats all gone now SNZZ i can only hope they at least make adjustments to her outfit before release bc wow its terrible!#drawing her again after all these years made me re appreciate how nice her outfit is altho its not like i ever stopped thinking that.#it was always nice#shes cute without being overbearing about it but now its dialed up to 11 i hate it i hate it#everytime maple remasters an illust i lose a few years of my life like seriously they havent put out any nice remaster visuals since 2013#(RED explorers and they werent even visual remasters in the general sense)#like WAH at this rate im gonna be so pissed off when they get to heroes remaster. theyre gonna butcher my boy and my girl and my#ok im stopping for now but rly. hope ppl are loud enough about their contempt for this bc it didnt work enough for explorers remaster#NOTMYANGELICBUSTER
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dating an art student was so crazy I'm just thinking abt that one birthday I had where my ex got me stickers from the etsy of the person they were cheating on me with....
#they made them address the thank you note to me and everything ajskfjfkfb. i didnt know they were cheating at the time but wow...#every time i break out my sticker collection and see them im reminded of it. but i cant throw out the stickers theyre deltarune ones 😭#like they were a rly cool artist.... just unfortunate that happened 💀#the drama was insane. my ex only wanted to sleep with them but they (other person) wanted them to break up with me so they could date#but my ex dumped them rly harshly for suggesting that i guess 'romantic' cheating was a step too far even for them lmaooo#i heard abt their breakup secondhand and god could they be cruel sometimes. they made fun of the sex theyd had w them#to all their mutual friends n everything i actually felt so bad for the other person when i found out. at least our breakup wasnt that bad#i only finally got that cruel side of them directed towards me like a year after when they wanted us to stop being friends#but yeah. its also funny in a way bc my ex only suggested i had adhd bc the other person did too + struggled a lot with rsd#which i guess they found out when they broke up with them. and then looked at that and thought huh my gf is kind of similar...#and this was like. 2 years before i even considered i had adhd myself and sought diagnosis ahdkfidjcjdjfjfjfkdbfnf#this made me go look the other persons art page up on instagram + then i recognised some of their friends/flatmates art pages and i found#their (my exs that is) grad year film which is still being shown at animation festivals... good for them good for them#i dont think they have an art page themselves tho cuz they were always v shy and weird abt sharing art on social media#like everyone else except them is tagged on things... shame i wouldve liked to see what they were making now. even if we're not friends#also one of their old roommates made some REALLY similar squid game fanart to mine like a month after i posted it huh..#not mad abt it or anything i think its cool i just didnt realise they showed my art to their friends. thats cute#ah this was years ago anyway. getting my head out of the rabbit hole#im gonna go play some elden ring and then maybe do smth fun in my sketchbook we shall seeee#.diaries
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how I look suggesting to my group partners that we do our bio presentation on vultures
#reggietales#specifically how they evolved convergently and might throw in a note thrown in on conservation too bc theyre. in trouble!!!!!!#they said they didnt have any ideas and we needed a topic i was like 'well i do have one idea..........................'#they seemed receptive so we'll see. i feel kind of bad like im forcing them but!!!! augh!!!!!!! we needed a topic and i had that one in min#and they said they were cool with anything so. idk i stressed that we rly didnt have to do this topic i was just throwing out an idea i wan#them to be interested too. its not fun if their hearts arent in it. we can pick p much anything lets do something well all enjoy yk? augh#i hope its ok. i hope theyre not secretly mad at me. mayb i should have been quiet. idk#i hesitate to use the word neurodivergent to describe myself bc ive never been formally diagnosed with adhd or autism#and i also dont think im negatively impacted enough by any traits i share w those disorders to qualify to have them#but i am for sure fucking abnormal about birds and vultures like. hyperfixation is the only word that fits. maybe even special interest idk#like i almost dont WANT to do this topic it weirdly feels like. selfish??? idk im just. aaaahhhhh!!! lmao#*staring haggard and weary at myself in the mirror gripping the counter with a white-knuckled grip* i will be normal i will be normal i wil
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we need to talk about my ocs.
#et cetera#noone is online but im thinking about th party......#i need to make more characters and/or decide if iwant to throw some of my other ocs in there that im not doing anything with#(ill probably do both)#im rly mad bc this went from 'relatively feasable to do soon-ish if i can force myself to do it' to a much bigger project#but i just love point and click games ok. and i think its probably a better idea overall
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thinking abt how nemesis kind of sets up what should be the most thematically interesting ambition in FL and how quickly that fades as it goes
#had a good amount of time to think abt it now and the knife price cut just hit so ive got some thoughts#nemesis puts a good amount of time into asking the player how far they're willing to go for revenge but the message dilutes as it goes#you start off and it costs you hard-earned lessons to /not/ kill someone really early on. to /not/ kill it costs you extra#and then as you go ur just given more and more cost gates and it never quite hits that same note again#not until right at the end where you can spare m_ ______ and m_ ___#but there is the feeling that you're doing it no matter the cost#and i think that's why the knifegate change has me hurting. like as much as it was a pain it also felt amazing to get through it#i think what should've been added rly was an option to get the lethean tea leaves from the esuriant smith or lilac#bc the main thing that's missing from the whole 'revenge tragedy' plot is the ability for the player to have turned away at any point#only to keep pushing on because they just can't bring themselves to forget#in the end it just feels like that early 'kill for the keys' or 'just knock them out but its harder' should've been a recurring motif#like the bodies always pile up in revenge stories. how much are u willing to do to ensure they don't??#it'd have been nice to have more options#ways around dealing with that devil other ways instead of taking red honey ways of not (probably) worsening the condition of a seeker#idk#im also at least a little bit mad abt the fact that for all that cost there's almost never fun post-nemesis things#always seeing hearts desire options (HATE u mr cards) and BaL options and what do nemesis players get. hellicon house stuff.
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I think being the way I Am is so funny because I do get pretty upset about being infantilized. I’m frustrated with myself all of the time for not being better, for losing the love for learning and growing I used to have, for being clumsy and childish and sensitive and emotional and stuck in the past. It sucks.
THAT BEING SAID the validation of someone being like “You’re just a teeny little sillyguy aren’t you?” And I’m like yeeeeeees :3
#im at a constant tug of war with myself#i find myself struggling at any small task lately and its dumbing me down. my simple comforts are all ive got#i cant rly be mad for someone seeing me as the dumb goofball that only thinks about pikachu bc it’s not entirely wrong xD#idk im just having a crisis. i have been for a while. my friends are keeping me tethered and I hope things get better#brainposting
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9.6.23
#life drawings from last week#i feel i could have done better but the session itself was fun and i enjoyed doing them#im a bit rusty since i haven't done anything like that for ages and i kind of defaulted to focusing on accuracy i guess#rather than making a conscious effort to be looser/more dynamic idl#idk#like i rly liked one guy's pieces bc he was very bold like a lot of straight lines filling the page thick black charcoal + colours#and the guy next to me had a a squiggly style which was cool .even if he didn't seem to think so lol he wasa bit self deprecating abt it#and i was like noo noo i love the scribbles ..💔#so anyway looking at theirs made me wish id been a bit looser/bolder etc but i think since i hadnt done it in a while it was fine to just#do what im comfortable with quite precise figurative stuff#and tbh i do like these idk#im mad my local gallery stopped doing life drawing but oh well at least ive found an alternative#cant go every week bc its in city like an hour from me + ya know its a bit of an expense + i might be working on some of the days#but hopefully ill go again once or twice at least#original art#tumblr better not flag these looool
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just feel very strange and empty and lost in a way suddenly and trying not to cry and ruin my makeup and just wanting to be held by for a long long time
#misery. happy eid everyone. (said the same way a ex xtian with religous trauma wld say merry xmas. bc im an ex muslim with religous trauma)#but ppl ironically think not instantly dismissing any grievances ppl might have with islam is some fucking how “”rAciSt“”#when in reality all that means is they support white ppl with religious trauma#but leave ppl of colour with religious trauma in the fucking dark to feel guilty abt it#can u tell i hate u guys. next time i see someone act like islam is a perfect religion thats never used to jusitfy anyone im going to kill#whatever. not the point. just miserable and trapped by this stupid ass religon ann u can get mad at me for saying that if u rly wanna#bc that doesnt change the fact that im gonna kill myself at some point in the next 5 yrs bc im trapped in islam#flappy rambles#like i dont want to. but when theres no way out what choice do i have really. whatever man#vent
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Tbh I think a lot of lesbians on here have a kind of performative disgust for men. It makes sense seeing as this is radblr and everybody hates men here anyway. But the whole “ugh men are disgusting and hideous and seeing a shirtless man literally makes me want to puke” is… extreme to the point where I’d nearly say this is a result of trauma (not being a lesbian, but having this level of disgust for men).
Like, I’m a lesbian and I’m not disgusted by men at all. I just have absolutely zero sexual interest in them. I obviously wouldn’t want to interact with one sexually in any way but most of my friends are men and I see them shirtless at the beach regularly. My brothers as well. I don’t think any of them are disgusting. When pictures of the latest handsome male celeb come up on my timeline I just scroll by, I barely even notice them. I don’t go “ugh how dare anybody make me look at this hideous mess!”. I have gay male friends who aren’t disgusted by female bodies in the slightest, they just, again, don’t want sex with them. I don’t want to see men naked or whatever but I wouldn’t literally feel sick if I saw one, I’d just be like “lol”. I also can objectively see how somebody could find certain men handsome, cause I understand symmetry and fitness and what humans find attractive. Not cause I literally find them attractive myself.
Just… based on any gay ppl I know in real life I feel like this unbelievable performative level of disgust for the opposite sex is in some way a response to your sexuality being constantly questioned (which I understand) and feeling the need to affirm yourself and prove to everybody that you’re actually gay. Like if I saw a woman I wasn’t at all attracted to naked I wouldn’t be like “ew puke omg disgusting”, I’d be like “whatever”. The whole “men are NPCs” to me feels like it’s more a product of you being a radfem than being a lesbian. And I say this as a lesbian who is also a radfem.
to me seeing men irl that are shirtless doesn’t bother me bc i will just look away. i don’t want to look nor do i care to look, if i make myself look then ill probably eventually be grossed out by it bc im sitting there staring at a male body. no thanks. but if someone is asking me to look and im being treated like this is objectively attractive, i do feel immensely disgusted and will say ew to it. in the same way, when i see men on shows that are clearly being put there to evoke a “omg he’s so hot” reaction from women, i feel disgusted. if a man sends me pics of himself, ik he expects me to be into that somehow, im also automatically disgusted. but i don’t walk around shitting puking dying when there’s a shirtless man in my vicinity bc ill simply look away and ignore his presence. my disgust often comes when there’s this expectation of “you should think he’s hot” placed on me, or when im being forced to look at men for prolonged periods, bc then it highlights to me how he’s definitely not at all attractive to me and in fact interacting w him whatsoever would disgust me, so as a result im disgusted. in real life i simply do not even look at men for as long, so i don’t get disgusted, i feel purely neutral.
i can also understand (not often but from time to time i can see it) why some women find some men attractive. 99% of the time i don’t, but also ive paid attention to what is considered attractive and can then be like okay he does meet the attractive criteria i guess. most times tho i don’t even understand why women find random men attractive at all and it’s baffling to me 😭
also u can think im pretending if u want dhdhshs most times i don’t literally want to throw up, i don’t think i said i do, but i do often think they’re v ugly bc they are. men being NPCs to me has always been the case im afraid, nothing to do with radical feminism there. if something is very male-centric i simply get bored.
#i do get automatically disgusted by buff men tho. that might be bc of my trauma#but i think men of all body types are gross if im expected to properly look at them and find them attractive#it’s also why i sometimes get so angry when im watching a show and there’s a ‘hot’ male love interest 🤢 i get mad bc im like u rly put this#expecting the viewer (me in this case) to be attracted to this???? it highlights just how much i do NOT find them attractive
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whenever someone goes to a different person’s inbox to request They edit My art im like 🧍 it feels like someone just made plans in front of me while excluding me IM RIGHT EHE R
#HELLO!!!!!!!!!!#not a PROBLEM just a surprise bc i havent seen that#i dont rly like people editing my stuff like is it not Enough . is my colouring NOT ENOUGH.... /lh#im not mad. Im not mad ! just odd i think
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Ppl on Tumblr will really sit here and act like sexuality can't actively be flexible or change over time. like okay lmfao
#like okay. i get in a way where these ppl are coming from and i understand having a rigid view of your OWN sexuality#but you cant push that on others and thats never how its worked#queer means a lot of fucking things#and a lot of ppl w/ rly flexible identities use that word too#yall love 'breaking the binary' until its shit like this and then you go down screaming that its homophobic#and that its r*pe????????? y'all#on that last point. im a generally sex repulsed asexual and i have sex. thats not r*pe. holy shit#yall are on some shit fr this is ridiculous#and yes im vagueblogging that one shitty queer theorist post going around bc i can guarantee if i said any of this#on that post id get called homophobic. which is frankly fucking ridiculous#without going too much into my own sexuality situation i just. idk man that shit frustrates me deeply#and feels like its working backwards#if you read the paragraph their quoting its rly not that bad and i seriously think ppl are either overreacting or just being assholes#yall are too much!!!!!!#ppl have fluid sexualities and identities thats just the fucking nature of being queer#and literally if you have identified as one thing your whole life good for you. sincerely#but i don't subscribe to that gold star ass mentality whatsoever#the topic is definitely way more nuanced than this but ive had enough getting mad on the internet for today lol#if you are also gonna be a tightass about the definition of QUEER of all things literally fuck off and goodbye. dont need that energy here#roach.txt
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if you do acid twice you will stop caring about shipping discourse. this Is a suggestion btw. a recommendation maybe. i do not think weird ppl writing weird stories on an obscure website is an actual problem that effects the real world. ❤️
#this is not @ anyone in specific btw the whole dash is talking ab ao3 like that shit matters at all.#if u dont like ao3 that is literally fine no one has a gun to ur head and is forcing u to use it. there are other fanfiction websites w#more censorship you can use instead. or u can use the robust set of filters ao3 has created specifically so you only see the content u want#to see#i think ppl should be allowed to write fucked up shit for whatever reason even if i see it and go 'ew! thats repusive!'.#u dont have to like it! u can hate a piece of art but that doesnt mean that it doesnt have a right to exist.#saying this as a previous hardcore anti btw. i understand where u r coming from but i just truly do not think it matters#ryambles#for disclosure's sake i am a fanfiction enthusiast and an ao3 user but i usually do not consume morally objectionable fics except for like.#just to go what the hell. what is wrong w u. why did you write this#AND!!! i can feel that way without thinking that work shouldnt exist. bc im capable of understanding that my moral framework is not gospel#maybe this counts as caring ab shipping discourse actually. but im rly just mad that so many ppl are not thinking critically ab this.#idc ab the shipping i care ab the ppl on my dash saying censorship good. NO!!! disturbs the comfortable comforts the disturbed etc etc
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do you ever just not block someone you really want to block so you don't have to see their posts bc you know they'll throw a little baby tantrum if they find out you did... like i don't want to start anything so Whatever 🙄
#like not ppl im following just like randos who i think are unlikable as ppl. ykwim#the only time i point out that someones blocked me is if it's a rly popular blogger like when i found out#sarah z blocked me. and sixpenceee and whoever. bc it's funney#but some ppl on here will find strangers who blocked them and make posts calling them by name mad that they got blocked...#maybe ppl block u bc u r a freak. much love
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in 2023 i am done giving a shit if people think the things i like are emmbarassing or cringe whatever im just straight up killing them etc so now my only reason to not listen to matilda is beucase ik itll make me violently sob
#to calrify i am talking about the harry styles song not the musical. i have infact listened to that and seen the film three times#(just saw it in the cinema infact !!!)#that also makes me sob violently though so like. DFHFDHF#i am worried its going to be like hope ur okay. by which i mean i hope it is but ik that means ill sob like an insane amnt listening to it#but i do wanna listen to it ill j have to prepare myself for that moment#actualy part of like. wanting to listen to it more now is bc i have gotten rly into matilda#and ik it is like titled after the character of matilda? or at least i think it is. i yt vid i watched said it was and i always assumed it#was jsut hearing what the song is about yk. i dont think its based on matilda though outside of being abt dealing with shitty family#ig ill have to find out my listening to it then !!!#flappy rambles#edit: why did someone reblog this. like im not mad but what was the reason.#like i think it was for the first bit abt not giving a shit abt being seen as cringe but babes theres many posts abt that that arent#also about the harrison style song matilda.
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