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#i think it's inevitable that we all have our moments of insecurity but it's nice having a place where i can ramble about my oc's
tvrningout-a · 9 months
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forgive me for not being here ;; i played b.g3 for too long and ended up with a headache ;;
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wiw3 · 1 year
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A Cactus of Wisdom: Why the Fuck Not?
Hi, everyone! I got a cactus! This is the most boring post in the world, what the fuck is wrong with me? This thing is so low-maintenance, it’s driving me insane. I think that there is so much... maintenance, that goes into the world. It goes into people, into the machines, and even then, we’re taught that we should keep plunging our noses where they don’t belong.
We’re taught that we should keep planting cacti on new soil, for the sake of humanity. As a person who regularly loses my faith in humanity, I want to believe, but I don’t, really. I’m too cynical to think that humanity won’t just fuck it up for itself, and by thinking that, I’m sure I’ll guarantee it. The world’s worst self-fulfilling prophecy: The inevitable heat-death of the universe.
I only want to become a better writer, or a more engaging storyteller. I don’t want there to be a single person I come across that is inconvenienced by me. I’d like to be so in-tune and so effectively sharp to what others need, that I’m quiet and peaceful to the outside world.
It makes my needs to unnoticed, shoving them down for others like that. It makes you wonder when I’m going to give up the charades that are these deeply-ingrained mental health issues. I don’t blame anyone for how they got there, anymore, it’s a waste of energy to focus on. I’d rather focus on the cactus.
The cactus itself is a nice, mini cactus that’s been bred to be blue, and sits as a gift from an old manager that didn’t want it.
It was going to die in the office if I hadn’t grabbed it after the manager quit, so I guess I do have compassion for things. Maybe I don’t and I’m lying to myself about why I’m taking care of this thing. I shouldn’t be having a crisis like this over a cactus.
I guess it’s because I’m lurchedly stuck on “What does it all mean?” if we’re truly Godless; here with no purpose, and all of this is either a game, test, or random coincidence, then all I have are my stories. If I  can’t control this world, let me create worlds that I can control. If you want to read about them, I’ll tell you about them, let me tell stories where things work out, where people are copacetic to one another, rather than full of friction.
Let me try my hardest to create a world where other people aren’t high-maintenance, if a need is had, it’s met, where my ability to be a humanitarian isn’t limited by my wallet. I’m insecure about my inability to help. I’m insecure about my lack of a desire to be uncomfortable. I’m insecure about my inability to get any project off the ground. I’m not insecure about my cactus.
I need to learn from it, this plant. I need to learn to be as low-maintenance as a cactus but I’m hopeless, because they require water every 9-10 days, at least this one does. I’m not making a punch-card for it. How do I know when it’s been ten days? Time has felt so transient these past six months. I have no scale of it anymore. Time is either excruciatingly-slow in the moment, or else vertigo-inducingly fast, and maybe it’s true that that’s what relativity is.
The answer isn’t to blow everything up and start over, as much as I’d like to think it is. Humanity would swallow itself if things were even slightly worse than they are now. If the United States became even a second-class country, a lot more gunshots would be heard on streets than already are.
I think the answer, (or at-least my own subjective push-answer) is genuinely doing your best, and only your best, giving when it’s within your ability and comfort to, and tending your own garden. It’s the best answer I’ve found so far, that has allowed me to keep moving forward. I tend my own garden, I focus on what I want, and I act in my own self-interest.
I’ve got to learn a thing or two from this cactus.
I am a human. Hear me elate.
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malstermonkey · 1 year
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Settling in......
The mad rush of Day#1 is over and has been replaced with a sense of what Is required from here on and a (growing) sense of disquiet around whether I can actually do it all?
Hence, have given myself a stern talking to (bordering on self-flagellation) and re-iterated the advice I so happily dole out to others:
1) there are (always many) bridges to be crossed but you can only do so one at the time and, hence, there’s little point in worrying about ravine to be traversed in 4 bridges time: it’s sort of hokey as advice goes but underlying it are some solid thoughts: firstly, it’s about living in the moment, about appreciating the coming day for what it is -- small things, be it a tiny task completed, be it the fascination of dust motes dancing in the slanted sun through the slatted window, be it the heartfelt hug, be it the  taste of a peach (the sensuous track of that bead of sweat between you shoulder blades), be it the forecast (high of 18c, mostly sunny & nice)....I could go on and on.......the point is that, secondly, I have found we let imponderables dominate our daily to-ing and fro-ings to the point where we tend only to worry (as this is the nature of ‘’imponderables’) about the future & no longer see everything that is  right under your nose (as an aside, you taught me this: when it comes to us I fucked up a lot -- my biggest was to let the future bulldoze the then.............deep-seated insecurity, the worry about “what f it doesn’t work out?” etc etc meant I forced the pace and you got to see the very worst of me). Fundamentally, if you can’t appreciate the detail, the minutia you create a insane blockage for dealing with the big decisions. Lastly, the future cannot be called -- we make decisions with what facts and data we have in our possession at that moment in time (which, pace younger you, doesn’t mean we can’t be wrong (after all, the inputs could be all skewed) but it does provide some context about why we were wrong,
2) you can only do (in any one day) what you can -- and none of us can do without downtime. As an inveterate list maker the length of the effin’ thing often  intimidates me so I revert to doing nothing. And when I muster the energy to tackle it I inevitably zone in on the weighty matters (which sees me back on YouTube in a thrice)..........and this is nonsense: whilst weighty matters are, of course, important, so are small wins -- so I try to be diligent and tik off a combination of both every day (ok, not every day.....),
3) recognise that there are a bunch of things you can’t control: the more you accept this idea the more you realise how little you can actually control and how “control” is a slippery sucker and rarely tamed (and when it is it’s fleeting to the point of being illusory). It’s seriously liberating to understand that our lives are, more often than not, pretty random, precarious and entirely bereft of any form of steerage.
Mental order restored, here’s the headline items of the list: clear out L2P -- a less than thorough inspection of the major nooks shows that the accumulated  detritus over the last 10yrs is bordering on the criminal. And the more I think about it, the more I realise it’s the best way to improve my French........for instance, I’m totally intent on making sure the 18 (of various styles) in the back shed a re-homed, that’ll require language skills everywhere (if only at the decheterie!). Build a new cupboard in the utility room (as a new home for more detritus?!). Sort out residency status. Keep the Carbon Transition Fund rolling (after all we have an investor now). Get fitter (cycle loads). Lay off the croissants. Make sure I never lose you. Be thoughtful and empathetic and honest and open and better. Sort out (methodically) my Spotify “Favourites” list. Live for the day 1st, tomorrow 2nd.
I have to go and tend to the fire -- it’s down to embers. The coffee was bitter and strong this morning. And you make me smile more than ever...........
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salemwritesxx · 3 years
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𝓭𝓲𝓯𝓯𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓷𝓽.
𝔹 𝔸 𝕂 𝕌 𝔾 𝕆 𝕌  𝕂 𝔸 𝕋 𝕊 𝕌 𝕂 𝕀
     ⇴ male reader      ⇴ all characters are depicted as [18]+
↳ request: pro hero crazy buff baku meeting y/n's cutesy femboy ex boyfriend? And he gets jealous / insecure bc they are so different
↣ rating: general audiences ↣ warnings: jealous bakugou, fluff, implied nsfw but nothing explicit, hickeys
。☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆。
Hand in hand, you were strolling through Akihabara with Bakugou. The other hand holding two bags of merchandise you had bought – a successful hunt indeed. Katsuki, however, only had one small bag with a new video game he bought for you both to enjoy, so all in all the free day you two had was very relaxing and stress-free for once.
Until it all went down the drain…
“Babe, do you wanna get something to eat before we go back?”, you asked while already looking around. You knew an incredible restaurant that wasn’t too far away from your current location.
“No, [Your.name]! Did you forget already? We need to cook something with the chicken in our fridge before it gets bad.”, Bakugou playfully rolled his eyes while nudging you. To think he was ever having such a …domestic talk with someone. A year ago he would have laughed hysterically at the thought of living together with someone and managing a small household.
“Oh… right.”, you chuckled before you leaned in to smooch him, “Ain’t I lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend who remembers these things.”
“Yeah, right. Keep sweet talking and I might even-“
“YOOOO [YOUR.NAME]!”, someone yelled, interrupting your intimate moment, hence Katsuki shooting him a death glare, however…
“Oh! Akitoshi, hey.”, you greeted the significantly smaller male as well.
“It’s been a hot minute. How you doin’?”, he grinned, then looked at Katsuki, “I see, already slipping into the next pair of panties, huh?”
This little bastard- Though Bakugou’s string of thought was cut when you just awkwardly laughed and hugged his muscular body closer to your side.
“Akitoshi, this is Bakugou Katsuki, my boyfriend, so be nice, okay?”, then you turned to Katsuki who was scowling, “Babe, this is my ex, Ninomiya Akitoshi. We mutually agreed to separate so there weren’t any harsh feelings, he’s a good guy.”
“Nice to meet you, bro!”, Aki tried to break the ice by going in for a fist bump, but Bakugou was not having it as he just kept staring at him.
“Hey…”
While you were talking to your ex for a few moments, Katsuki couldn’t help but start eyeing him up and down. He was small, skinny, feminine looking and kind of dainty. Everything he wasn’t. To be quite honest, Bakugou was the complete opposite. He was as tall as you, very buff and well-trained and suits wanted to cry when he would try them on because of his sheer build he acquired due to being a pro-hero for many years now. And seeing how your type was, very obviously, something very different before you met him… Bakugou was suddenly a little insecure and he hated feeling that way.
“Okay, well, Aki, it was nice meeting you, but we need to go now and catch a train.”
“Same, dude, same. Glad you’ve found someone you like, you look happy, man.”, he said with a small smile as he looked at you and Katsuki, who was still just grunting and holding extra tight onto you.
And with that, you and your boyfriend finally walked back to the train station.
.
Once you were at home though, you watched as he flopped onto the couch, hence you asked, “Okay, what is going on? Ever since meeting Aki you’ve been quiet.”
“What? No! He’s…”, he paused, then tried to fake a smile, “really… lovely. A nice guy.”
“Babe… I love you but holy fuck you can’t lie.”, then you sat down beside him.
“Hey, talk to me. Did he do something? I know the slipping into panties thing was weird, but-“
“That’s not it, [Your.name].”, Katsuki sighed and crossed his arms.
“Then what is it?”
A long pause followed where you just looked at him and Bakugou stared at the desk in front of him with your and his bags on. Only for him to finally open his mouth after a few moments of silence.
“I look nothing like him.”
“… And that is a problem… why?”, you were visibly confused.
“I mean, fuck he is… he’s a fucking femboy. I just- I am NOTHING like him. Your type is a skinny little dainty femboy and I am literally the complete opposite, so like- Why the fuck do you even like me?”, Katsuki finally blurted out, gesturing with his arms wildly before he flopped back onto the couch.
You, on the other hand, just stared at him for a moment in disbelief.
“That… That is what it’s about? Really?”
“Yeah… You probably could swing him around like a toothpick while I am… well I am heavy.”
“Babe, please. I love you, just the way you are. Just because Aki was one type of guy, doesn’t mean I can’t find another type of guy attractive as well, you know?”, reaching out, you took his hand in yours.
Drawing circles on the back of it, you then slowly progressed to touching his face and softly turning his head so he would look at you eventually.
“Hey…. I love you. I love that you could snap me in half at any possible second.”, thankfully, Katsuki snorted and mumbled an “Idiot.” yet he didn’t break eye contact as his hand slowly wandered down to play with your t-shirt.
“I love you too, [Your.name]… Thank you. I don’t know what happened to me, I guess seeing your ex just fucked with my brain for a second there.”, he then said before leaning in for a kiss that you happily returned.
“Hmh, it’s okay… I know you’re very different from everyone else I’ve dated before, physique and personality vise, but… I am also the most happiest when I’m with you.”, you gently played with his hand while smooching him over and over again.
“So I am better than anyone else, hm?”, Bakugou grinned instantly while being pushed back into the couch willingly, his big, heavy body pressed against your own.
“Hmm absolutely.”, you purred back.
Your hands were already busy slipping underneath his t-shirt as your lips pressed hot kisses onto his sensitive neck, earning his little groan that made your heart jump. Even though Bakugou probably wouldn’t believe you if you said it out loud, but… he certainly was very cute, even if he wasn’t dainty or small.
--
A very delicious smell softly shook him awake, ruby eyes fluttering open as he looked around for a moment. Sitting back up, Katsuki inevitably had to smile a little when he saw the blanket you put over his naked body, realizing once more how stupid it was to get jealous.
“Babe?”, naked as he was, he walked into the kitchen where the scent was coming from.
“Hey, Kat.”, you turned around a bit, though was it already too late when arms snuck around your hips and you felt a weight on your shoulder.
“Hey… The chicken?”
“The chicken.”, you chuckled and softly nudged his head with your own.
“If you hurry, you can still take a shower before we can eat.”
“Hm… sounds good.”, Katsuki whispered.
However, before he could walk away completely, he turned around once more, catching you off guard a little when he was back to hugging you from behind.
“Also… thanks.”, he only mumbled with red cheeks, before he nudged your head to the side to connect your lips.
“Hmmm…”, you purred while returning his kisses happily.
“Always. Now go.”, with a giggle, you playfully smacked his naked butt when he finally turned around and walked away.
And as Bakugou stood in front of the big bathroom mirror, he couldn’t help but blush even more intensely. His muscular body was visibly covered in hickeys, making him facepalm and sigh. Though… he also couldn’t suppress hat little grin that formed on his lips.
Really… getting jealous was so stupid.
。☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆。
@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works
⇻ salem.talks: once more thanks for the request! I really really like buff baku, knowing he could very well snap me in half while still whimpering like a lost puppy and letting himself go during sexy time makes it all the better!
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iceeckos12 · 3 years
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A time travel au. angst and h/c. inspired by this post
Warnings: jon’s very low self-esteem
“What do you think of him?” Jon suddenly asks, staring blankly at the wall of the breakroom.
Tim pauses in the middle of chewing his sandwich to give him a long, considering look.
He’s mostly decided to suspend his disbelief until further notice, simply to keep from losing his mind. What else is one supposed to do when future versions of Jon and Martin, who are also apparently dating, tell you that your workplace is currently involved in a plot to end the world? Ideally he would’ve processed one big revelation at a time, but apparently they don’t have time for that, so goodbye grip on reality, it was nice knowing you. I’ll hit the restart button as soon as things start making sense again.
Tim wipes his hand across his mouth, swallows, and asks, “You mean Jon II?”
Jon rolls his eyes, like Tim’s being obtuse on purpose just to annoy him. “Yes, I mean...him. Me. Jon II.” Then his nose wrinkles amusingly, the same way it always does whenever he says the moniker. He’s hated it since the beginning, but it was a battle he quickly lost, what with all three of his assistants opposing him.
Normally, Tim wouldn’t have thought twice about shrugging and answering, but...Jon’s been uncharacteristically quiet lately. Oh sure, he’d blushed up a storm upon learning that his future self and Martin were dating, and he’d expressed his own misgivings at the beginning, but...since then he’s been eerily, silently watchful. In Tim’s experience, when presented with this sort of puzzle Jon generally buries himself in research, and doesn’t emerge until he’s good and ready to do so.
There’s something else on his mind.
So Tim puts down his sandwich and gives himself a moment to think carefully through his response. “I mean...he’s a lot like you, obviously. But he seems…” What’s a polite way to say, the trauma and the boyfriend seems to have made him a little more easygoing? He certainly smiles more freely than he ever has, which...honestly, makes Tim want to cry sometimes. How horrible, that so much abject cruelty had just made him more kind. “...tired. A little less high-strung?”
“I see,” Jon says, turning his mulish gaze to his curry, dragging his spoon through the thick sauce.
Tim waits a beat longer, but when nothing else seems forthcoming he prompts, “Why do you ask?”
Jon’s reaction is only to press his lips into a thin, tight line. Tim knows this mood; he’s weighing how insecure he’ll look if he says whatever’s actually bothering him out loud, versus how much he wants someone else to hear it. Pushing him now will only make him clam up, so Tim just waits.
Tim’s patience is rewarded when Jon blurts, “But you like him. You...you all do.”
“Yes,” Tim says slowly, because it’s true. Martin’s so enamoured with a Jon that actually likes him that he keeps bringing him tea just to get another glimpse of that gentle, thankful smile, just to strike up another conversation about nothing. Sasha has decided that he’s the most interesting thing that’s ever happened to her, and insists on consulting him whenever she reads a new true statement.
Tim’s personally a little unnerved by the awful, sad way future Jon looks at him sometimes, or the way he flinches back whenever someone tries to touch him without warning. But he’d taken Tim aside and quietly explained everything he knew about what happened to Danny, so.
Oh, Tim thinks, feeling like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. Jon may be an old hand at fooling others with his grumpy persona, but Tim knows that he’s just using it to hide his massive inferiority complex. “Wait, are you jealous?”
Jon ducks his head, and his ears darken. Gotcha, Tim thinks. 
“Jon, you know that that’s still you, right?” he explains gently, quietly relieved that it’s not something more complicated. “We like him just as much as we like you, because you’re the same person.”
“But he’s not the same, is he?” Jon protests. “Look at the scars on his neck, on his hand. And he has panic attacks, and he flinches at loud noises, and, and—”
He breaks off, biting down hard on his lip, threading a hand through his hair.
Tim stares at him, feeling off-kilter, like he missed a step coming down the stairs. That doesn’t sound like jealousy. “...Jon?”
Jon shakes his head, his breath escaping him in thready, devastated gasps.
He can’t tell what’s going on in Jon’s head, and it’s starting to scare him. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”
Jon just sits there for a moment long, tugging at his hair, staring sightlessly at the middle distance. Tim gently untangles his fingers, giving him something a little more solid to hold onto.
“You all like him,” he says at last. “You all...he’s so kind, and he’s funny, and you like him, because someone hurt him first. He’s different—we’re different—because someone cut our throat and burned our hand, and you like him better.”
Tim’s horrified. “Jon—”
“Should I accept that?” he continues, the words flooding from him like a dam finally exploding in a shower of groaning wood and weathered stone. “Do I—how do I carry on knowing that I could be the person I want to become, if only I give myself to monstrosity, if only I let myself be hurt like that?”
“Of course we’re not going to let that happen to you!” Tim interrupts, voice higher and more frightened than he meant it to be. He’s applying duct tape to a raging river. He has no fucking idea how to fix this. “You don’t deserve—”
“Don’t I?” Jon demands, whirling on him, eyes flashing. “Don’t I deserve to be happy? Or am I unworthy of even this kind of improvement? Am I doomed to be like this forever?” Tears well in his eyes, spill over. “Don’t I deserve it?”
And then he slowly, inevitably, dissolves into tears, his slim shoulders shaking as he curls over and buries his face in his elbow. Tim drapes an arm across his back, angling his body so he can gently tuck Jon’s head against his shoulder. He doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to do. Even if Jon were in any shape to hear it, he has no idea how to fix this.
Tim could tell him that he and Martin and Sasha all think that he’s fine the way he is, and it’s the stress of an apparently eldritch job that’s causing him to push people away, but he doubts Jon would believe it. Words mean nothing when actions have been screaming something entirely different all this time, and Jon’s always been more observant than they give him credit for.
“Oh, Jon,” he whispers when the tears finally start to slow, dropping a kiss onto silver and black hair. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you felt that way.”
Jon pulls away and shrugs, averting his reddened eyes. Tim squeezes his elbow to prevent him from retreating entirely. They sit like that for a moment, Jon going very still and very tense under Tim’s hand, settling into the vulnerability like an open wound.
“I’m sorry,” Jon says finally, sniffing heavily. He’s aiming for his usual brusque, dry tone, but his voice is shaking, and he’s not fooling anyone. “That was unprofessional of me.”
Before Tim can stop himself, an incredulous laugh rips out of him. “Jon,” he says quickly, “We’re well beyond professional. You know that, right? You don’t have to hide from me.”
Jon flushes. “Yes, well—it was unfair for me to put this on you, as your fr—as…” His expression goes all fragile and uncertain, and Tim’s heart aches.
“It’s not unfair,” Tim corrects gently. “As your friend,” and here he pauses for emphasis, “I want to know when you’re feeling like this.”
“Oh,” Jon murmurs, then straightens and scrubs the teartracks from his cheeks. “Oh.”
Tim nods reassuringly, takes a deep breath, and makes an educated guess. “I know you’re scared, Jon. We all are. This place is...horrible, and seeing what you went through is...terrifying. I can’t imagine how that must be for you.” He lets his eyes flicker up. Jon’s still watching him, rapt, and good, good. I haven’t lost him. “I won’t deny that he’s getting along with Sasha and Martin quite well, but...but that’s not because of what he—you—went through. It’s because….right now, you’re pushing people away because you’re scared, but he’s already done that. He knows that pushing people away just means you end up alone. It doesn’t mean he’s a better person, just that he’s a little wiser.”
“But how can you be sure?” Jon asks, leaning forward, eyes big and desperate.
“I mean, I wouldn’t have become your friend if I didn’t like you,” Tim admits unashamedly.
His bold honesty is rewarded by Jon flushing and ducking his head.
“But even so,” he continues, sobering, “Even if you were the worst person on the planet—and you’re not—you wouldn’t deserve to be hurt like that, no matter what the outcome. Does that make sense?”
Jon looks thoughtful as he says, “I—yes. Yes, that makes sense.”
He can tell though, that Jon doesn’t quite believe him. That’s okay—honestly, it’s what he was expecting. Tim’s been running headfirst into the wall that is Jon’s terrible self-esteem for as long as they’ve been friends. This problem is going to take more than one half-assed pep talk.
That’s okay, though. Jon’s worth the effort.
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petri808 · 3 years
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In case you needed to see it again, My prompts from the list were 8, 25 and 29 for Nalu. We all know how protective he is and that he can be the jealous and territorial type. Also he would definitely kiss Lucy senseless lol
“Why are you so jealous?” + “You’re mine. I don’t share” + “Do you want to kiss as bad as I do right now” for @millennial-star-gazer
As the team from Fairytail passed back through the city of Tekka, it was inevitable that they would encounter members of Fairynail. For the most part, it was a nice reunion at a local bar where they could relax for the evening and be on their way the next day. But from the moment they’d entered the city, Lucy had noticed a significant change in Natsu’s demeanor. This was after all, the city where her doppelgänger was well known, and because of it, townsmen had confused her with Lucia. She did her best to ignore Natsu’s clinginess and just enjoy herself, and for most of the day and evening it worked.
That is until Nack tried to proposition her…
Stay, Lucy… two of you is deliciously better than one…
Oh, she’d been mortified at the suggestion! But apparently not as much as Natsu who promptly attacked the man and had to be pulled away by Gray and Erza. Lucy was grossed out by what Nack had said, but the man didn’t deserve a beating! It was deja vu all over again!
“I just don’t I understand,” Lucy gestured in frustration at Natsu while they were standing at the edge of town. “Why are you so jealous?! I can handle myself just fine!”
Natsu shrugged nonchalantly. “You’re mine. I don’t share. Simple.”
“You can’t go around beating people up, just because you’re insecure. And besides,” her hands flew to her cocked hips, “what’s with the “you’re mine” part, huh? I don’t belong to you.”
“I told you before we left, we’ll be together forever. What did you think I was talking about?”
Lucy palmed her face at his blazé attitude. Shouldn’t she be used to this by now? “Natsu, that could mean a lot of things, like we’ll spend our lives going on missions together. What did you think it meant?”
“We’ll be together forever because you’re mine.”
Her brow raised. “Still not understanding you…”
“Mine. You know, like Alzack and Bisca.”
“Wait!” Lucy’s hands flew back up. “Are you saying as a couple?! You’ve never even asked me out on a date!”
Natsu looked so confused. “What for? We do everything together already.”
“Thats still not the same thing! Natsu, there’s a lot more to being a couple than just being around each other.”
“Like what?”
Lucy’s face heated up. “W-Well, stuff like holding hands…”
“But we do that sometimes.”
“…and kissing.”
Natsu stared at Lucy blankly for a few seconds, processing what she was trying to say, when it was as if a light switch was flicked on in his brain. “Oh! You mean like what Nack and Lucia do? Yeah,” he scratched his head as a nervous tick, “I’ve wanted to do that for a while, but wasn’t sure how.”
“What?!”
His eyes lit up, and grabbed her hands in excitement. “Do you want to kiss as bad as I do right now too, Lucy?!”
“I-I…” Lucy’s brain was short circuiting, because she had thought about it…
“Cause you said it’s what couples do, and I wanna do all the coupley things with you to make you happy too!”
“I-I mean… I do, but—”
“Sweet!” Natsu quickly palmed her cheeks and pulled their faces together, locking their lips like he’d seen Bisca and Alzack do many times before. When he pulled away, Lucy’s eyes were filled with such a confusing mixture of surprise and tears, he panicked. “Did I do it wrong?? We can try again!”
After a brief moment, Lucy’s eyes crinkled into a smile. Kami this man! He’ll be the death of her for sure, but she’d have it no other way. “No, you did just fine…”
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shorkbrian · 3 years
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Never Ever
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(Warnings - dub-con, non-con if you squint. NSFW, body insecurity)
“Stop fucking saying that!” Kiri paused, looking up from the magazine he was reading (men’s health, the one with big buff dudes on the cover, typical) to watch you storm out of the living room.
“Babe?”
You ignored him, stomping into the bedroom (you refused to call it “your” bedroom, or “our” bedroom, no matter how Kiri wishes you would).
Flopping down onto the big bed, you fluffed the covers out, quickly wiggling under them and pulling them up over your head. 
It was one of those moments when you didn’t feel like talking. You didn’t want to talk, you didn’t want to hear, to see or feel or do anything. You didn’t want to fucking exist.
You just wanted to sink into the bed and disappear, not only from the world, but from everyone’s minds.
Steady footfalls padded down the hall, into the bedroom. The bed shifted, and you heard Kirishima sigh.
“All I said was that you’re pretty. And you are. You’re beautiful. Gorgeous and breathtaking, and incredible, and stunning, and divine, and-”
“Shut up.”
Your growl made Kirishima chuckle, and it made your chest seize up. It’s so stupid, you’re so stupid. It wasn’t that big of a deal. 
“I don’t lie to you.”
That makes it worse. Huffing, you threw the covers off your head, met with the sight of Kirishima sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at you. He was so big, so muscled and broad, and he had such a nice body. He’d never understand.
“I know you’re not lying. You wouldn’t lie. But that’s the problem, you big oaf-” Kirishima grinned, and you wanted to punch him in the face. This wasn’t funny. “-You think everyone looks great, and you’d never put someone down for the way they look, even if they looked like a grotesque swamp monster.”
Trying not to cry was at the top of your priorities. 
“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. Leave me alone.” If you said much more, crying would be inevitable. You shifted onto your side, facing away from the big redhead. With any luck, he’d get the message that you didn’t want him to be near you right now, and he would leave.
No such luck.
Kirishima grunted, and you felt the weight on the bed shift. He lifted up the covers, sliding in beside you, making no move to touch you. 
After a second of gathering his thoughts, Kiri spoke. “Well, I guess that’s kinda true. I think everyone has inherent worth, and their physical features don’t really contribute to it. Like, yeah, some people are really pretty, like Bakugou, but their looks don’t make them better than everyone else.”
A hand gently crept onto your waist, and you slapped it away quickly, scooting further away from the large man.
“But when I say you’re lovely, and attractive, and hot, and a whole-ass meal I mean it. And it’s not just about your body either, although like, you’re totally irresistible in that department.”
He tried again, a large hand clamping down on your waist. This time, when you angrily slapped at his hand, it stayed put.
“It’s just... You. You’re indescribable. I love you cause of the way you are.”
A warm, hulking body pressed against you, and you squirmed, but there was nowhere to go.
“I love you when you wake up in the morning, and you got like, those little eye booger things? Yeah. I love you when I come home and see your face, and when I get to hold you, and give you kisses-” A quick smooch was planted at the nape of your neck. “-and I love everything about you; all the good, all the bad. It’s no question.”
“Please don’t touch me.” You whispered. Such a wimp, you were crying now, throat tight, face hot. You felt so disgusting, and gross, and his words weren’t true, or if he believed them, then he was misguided. 
“Babe-”
“Please.”
“I’m not gonna do that.” His hold on you tightened, and he shuffled even closer, dwarfing your body with his own. “Tell me what’s going on, yeah? Let’s work this out.”
You stayed silent. It was too embarrassing, too trivial. He’d laugh at you, and you were a weak, pathetic little baby for even being bothered by this. Why couldn’t you just accept you were gross and ugly? Why did you have to cry a bout it?
“I’m not gonna leave until we talk, babe.” There was finality in his tone, and you could tell, he wasn’t going to budge.
Still, you couldn’t find the words. The feelings were just too much.
The two of you were still for a second, then Kirishima was shifting, turning onto his back, pulling you onto his chest and turning you so that your head rested on his chest. You’d struggle, but it’d be useless. Still, you wished he wouldn’t hold you.
You could hear his heartbeat like this. 
It was slow, steady, relaxing. You could probably fall asleep like this.
“I know you don’t feel good about how you look. That’s what this is about, isn’t it?” 
When you didn’t answer, he sighed, before continuing. 
“I’m paying attention. I see how you try not to look in the mirror, or how you always try to sit so your legs don’t “look big” or whatever. How you always do that thing with your head and you hate looking down cause you'll get a lil double chin.”
An ugly sob tore from your throat. Oh god, he had noticed all of that? You felt horrible. Awful. You were so dumb and embarrassing. 
“But I love when you’re just you. Your body is good as it is. I know you don’t think so, but I know for a fact that your brain is lying to you. Yeah, maybe you don’t look like those people on tv, or in magazines, or wherever... but you don’t need to, y’know?”
A kiss was placed on the top of your head, and Kirishima’s hand was stroking along your back, soothingly rubbing.
“You deserve love no matter how you look.”
“But I don’t-” you sobbed into his chest, hands fisting in the soft material of his shirt. “-not looking like-like this. I hate myself so much, and I’m so ugly, and stupid, and I know it’s like, super dumb to get upset like this-”
“It’s not.” Kirishima chimed in.
“-but I can’t ever just... be good enough. I look horrible, and my personality sucks, and everything about me is wrong and bad. I am so disgusting, and worthless, and-”
“You aren’t.” Kiri growled, cutting you off. The man sat up, taking you with him. He pulled you directly in front of him, so he could grab you by the shoulders and look into your eyes. “I don’t care what you say otherwise. I’ll say it and I’ll keep saying it until your ears bleed and my tongue falls off, you’re worth the fucking world to me.”
He surged forward, mashing his lips against yours. 
You clawed at the arms holding you in place. You didn’t want him to kiss you, your lips were chapped and you were all gross from crying. But Kirishima wouldn’t let up, nipping at your bottom lip, hungrily kissing you.
When he finally did relent, you pulled away, a fresh wave of tears rolling down your face. 
“Please don’t. I’m repulsive and obnoxious, and-and annoying-” you hiccuped.
Kirishima grabbed your face, rubbing at your tears with his thumbs.
“No you aren’t. You’re sexy as hell, and you’re so smart, and you’re kind, and I could go on and on and on.” He leaned in, planted a kiss on the tip of your nose, following you even though you shied backwards from his touch. “But right now, I don’t think you’re gonna listen to what I say. Guess I just gotta show you, don’t I?”
Your eyes widened, and you tried to wiggle free of his grasp. “No-”
“Shh, c’mere.”
He clambered off the bed, pulling you to the edge as he did so. Once the man was standing, he started undressing, letting go of you in the process.
“Kiri, you shouldn’t do this.” You whined, scrubbing at your eyes with your hands “I don’t want to, I never do - I’m gross and you’re so fit and in-shape, please don’t make me do this.”
The redhead clambered back on the bed, now devoid of clothes. 
You were right - he looked like he could be a fitness model, all smooth muscles and gleaming skin. No matter how much you worked out, or watched your diet, you still couldn’t achieve the type of body you wanted, and it was so frustrating. Why was it so easy for him, yet unattainable for you? You’d do almost anything to get the body you desired.
“Hey, listen to me.” Kirishima shuffled closer, grabbing your face with both hands, forcing you to look at him with puffy eyes. “You aren’t gross. You aren’t ugly, or fat, or any of those things that you tell yourself.”
“But I am!” Your voice was high, distressed, and you felt like a whiny little kid. When would you ever stop embarrassing yourself?
Kirishima shook his head, leaning in to give you a quick peck on the lips, before his hands moved to your clothes.
“No, don’t-”
He fixed you with a solemn glare, one of his hands catching your own when you tried to push at him, wrenching them into his chest, right over his heart.
“Feel that?” it was beating like a drum, heavy and quick. “I don’t care what I have to do to make you realize how worthy you are.”
The man pulled off your shirt, letting it tangle around your wrists where he was holding them. You had neglected a bra today, expecting to just do a few chores around the house today, so your breasts were bared to Kirishima’s hungry gaze.
With a shattered cry, you twisted to the side, trying to wiggle away from the big man, but he easily pulled you back into place.
“Look at you, you’re delicious.” His eyes were bright, a grin spreading across his face as he breathed down at you, gazing at your naked upper half.
“Kirishima, please stop. I don’t want to do this! Stop it!” You cried, feeling more tears spring to your eyes.
“Nope, not gonna happen.”
Your shorts were quickly pulled off your legs, along with your underwear, leaving you bare and vulnerable. You sobbed. You could only imagine what you looked like, held under Kirishima, unattractive and flabby underneath the muscular man.
Without a word, he dipped down to mouth at your collarbone, before planting hot kisses along your skin as he traveled further to your breasts. He finally let go of your wrists, which immediately came to push at his shoulders, but the large man wouldn’t budge.
“You’re so gorgeous, and hot. Look at how nice your tits are, all warm and soft.” To prove his point, he grabbed at the mounds, massaging them gently with his large palms as he kissed in-between them.
You writhed. “Hey, don’t-don’t! Stop doing th-at.” your skin was probably dry and riddled with odd textures - acne in some area, hair in others. How could Kirishima find that attractive?
He kept kissing all over your chest as you squirmed helplessly, still gently groping at your breasts with gentleness. His hands plucked at your nipples, softly squeezing your flesh, sucking hickies that made your breath hitch and your body jolt.
“God, you’re so perfect. Just right for me, just what I always need.”
His hands abandoned your tits, smoothing down your sides. “You feel amazing, just getting to touch you is so nice. You’re soft-” a kiss to your cheek “-and your skin gets all flushed-” a kiss to your collarbone “-and you look like a goddess.”
Hands skimmed over your stomach, and you burst into a fresh bout of tears, pushing more insistently at Kirishima’s shoulders. The man was feeling all over you, all of your lumpy bits, all of the places you hated and tried to hide and not think about. 
He pulled away from you, gazing down at you with softness in his eyes, hands coming to grip your thighs and pull you closer to where he was sitting on his knees.
“Y’know babe, if I was more patient I’d eat you out right now, always taste so fucking good. But-” moving to stroke at your folds with two fingers, Kirishima grinned at you wolfishly, baring his sharp teeth. “-You’ve got me all kinds of worked up, I can’t wait that long.”
You could feel his length pressing against the inside of your thigh, would be able to see it if you looked down. But then your chin would fold, and Kirishima would be able to see all the fat there, how the skin bunched and how you looked awful. No matter what he said, you knew the truth - you were disgusting.
A finger roughly worked it’s way inside of you, and you gasped at the sudden stretch, not nearly wet enough for it to be comfortable.
“Shit-” Kirishima murmured, before slowly taking out his digit. He leaned down spat directly onto your hole, smirked as he watched it clench at the sudden warmth of the liquid.
Then he was pushing his finger inside again, it’s way smoothed by his saliva. 
“Kiri... Please stoppp. I feel bad, ‘m not feeling good, it’s-”
“Shhhh, I’ll make you feel good in a second. Just gotta get my girl ready for me.”
You weren’t talking about the physical discomfort (though with the way he was rubbing over your walls, quick and determined, was making you shake), you were talking about your mental state.
You felt like trash; useless, foul-smelling, rotten garbage. How could Kirishima even want you? Why did he even want you? There was no way he found you attractive, he was just trying to make you feel better, trying to be kind and supportive, because that’s just the kind of person he was. 
Another finger entered you, joining the first in quickly stretching you. A third was added after a while, then a fourth, Kirishima kissing at the flesh of your torso throughout the entire process.
He was already breathing heavily, panting in between each kiss. You could feel his hips occasionally stutter towards you, as if the man couldn’t stop himself from moving, from rutting his cock against the inside of your thigh as he prepared you to take him.
“Mm, alright, ready baby?”
The fat head of his cock was lined up against your entrance as soon as his fingers pulled free, slick with your juices. Kirishima quickly stroked his hand over his cock, groaning lowly, before grabbing under the head, holding it steadily against your pussy.
“Gonna make you feel so good, want you to feel how much I love you.”
It didn’t matter how much you shook your head, or uttered blubbered “No!”’s, Kirishima was determined. 
He slowly sheathed himself into your tight heat, almost whimpering as your velvety walls enveloped his cock. The man has his eyes closed, biting his lips as he pressed further and further, before his hips jumped forward unconsciously, seating himself balls-deep into your cunt.
“Fuckkkk, baby, you feel so good, how are you even real?”
You could only gasp, filled to the brim with cock, unable to think past the thickness buried deep and pressing into all the right spots. 
Kirishima pulled out a few inches, but quickly sank forward again, sighing in pleasure as your pussy gripped his bare cock, making it wet and slick and creamy with all your juices. 
He brought his hand over your pelvis, pressing down on your mons with his palm, thumb hanging down to rub delicately at your clit, making you arch.
“Ohhh shit, what a good girl, feeling good?”
His question went unanswered as you moaned involuntarily, the sensations that the man was creating becoming too much and entirely not enough at the same time. 
“Love you so much, you’re so beautiful. My girl has the hottest body, the prettiest voice, let it out for me yeah?”
You shook your head, quickly clamping your hands over your mouth, whimpering as he pulled out, before fluidly thrusting back in. He hit so deep, past where your own fingers could reach, right in all the spots that felt the best.
“Awh, baby I wanna hear you.” He whined, still rubbing at your clit.
Your stomach was tight, pleasure lancing through your gut and up into your chest. You muffled your sounds with your hands, closing your eyes so you wouldn’t have to look at Kirishima, see his look of adoration as he ravished your body.
The man seemed fine with that, focusing on moving his body against yours, pulling you into his lap on each thrust. The way your hips were angled high made it easy for the man to fall into a comfortable rhythm, bottoming out before pulling back, the head of his dick scraping deliciously against your walls.
“You make me so happy, I don’t ever wanna be away from you. You’re the best thing in my life, I’m so glad I get to have you.” Kirishima groaned out, sweaty body pressing against yours as he leaned forward to embrace you in a hug. 
The man was always so touchy, wanting to hold hands, playing with your hair whenever he could, pulling your shirt aside to kiss at your shoulders whenever you let him.
He turned his head to kiss your cheek, before quickly becoming unsatisfied, pushing himself up so he could pull your hands away from your mouth.
“Wanna kiss my pretty girl.” 
And he did, almost melting against your body as his lips met yours. You let him do what he wished, fervently making out with you.
Again, his hand found it’s way to your slit, fingers rubbing against your puffy lips. When they made contact with your clit, you jolted, hot pleasure climbing higher and higher.
“Kiri, Kiri, gonna-gonna cum, gonna cum.”
“Oh fuck, me too, you’re so fucking tight, your sloppy little pussy keeps pulling me in, fuck.”
You whined, pulling your head back from Kirishima to breathe, only for the man to start kissing at your neck, hot and wet.
The pleasure in your stomach crested, throbbing through your core as you came, clutching at Kirishima. The man moaned against your neck, hips working into you in little circles as he chased after his own pleasure. Your vision blacked out momentarily as he kept fucking into you, prolonging your pleasurable high.
You were still riding the last waves of your orgasm when the man pulled out, grunting as he stripped his cock over your stomach, grunting. “I love you, fuck, I love you so much.”
He came on your stomach, moaning brokenly as his hand worked over his cock, eventually slowing down, before stopping completely. The man had his eyes closed, barely cracking one open so he could flop down beside you without hitting you.
The sounds of the two of you breathing filled the space, panting together. 
Kirishima turned on his side, facing you as he smiled. “That felt amazing. I’m so lucky that you’re mine.”
You ignored him the best you could, the feelings of insecurity creeping back in. 
A hand suddenly appeared on your stomach, running through the mess of Kirishima’s cooling cum, rubbing it into your skin.
“Kirishima, ew.” You groaned, head flopping back onto the mattress. You were too tired to push him away, too worn out to dispute his praises and adulation.
You suppose that had been his plan from the beginning.
“Sorry, it’s just - you look so sexy like this, my cum all over you. It’s like I’m marking my territory.” You frowned at the mans’s goofy grin, but just closed your eyes instead of saying anything.
“Hey-” Kiri shuffled closer, his clean hand coming to cup your chin and pull your face to his. Red eyes stared into your own, wide and truthful. “I love you. That’s never going to change.”
Your gaze flickered to the side, and Kirishima took ash opportunity to press your foreheads together, nose nudging against your cheek.
“Never ever.”
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Nessian Week: AU Day
I work well with deadlines so even though this is just a run-of-the-mill Modern!AU, I thought I’d post this drabble that’s been knocking around in my head for a few weeks today! It has a little part two that I’m hoping to post later tonight :)
           Cassian could tell something was on Nesta’s mind all through dinner. He could tell as soon as he got home from work, really. It wasn’t about him, he didn’t think, since she’d kissed him welcome home and let him squeeze her ass. No, there was just…something. Something that made her eyes a little vacant and her words a little quiet. But during dinner she just let him talk about work, nodding and answering, and if there was one thing Cassian had learned about Nesta, it was to give her space. He would give it a little longer, and then he would ask.
           After dinner they watched an episode of the Netflix show they were working their way through and then got ready for bed. Even though it was only eight thirty, their rigid commitment to mornings at the gym meant they were always early to bed, early to rise.
           As they crawled under the covers, Cassian finally poked Nesta’s side and said, “Hey. Something you want to talk about?”
           He had long since learned that “what’s wrong” and “talk to me” didn’t work on Nesta. He had learned to just ask if she wanted to talk, and that sometimes, the answer was no. That was okay. He had also often assured her that one of the reasons he kept his chest so big was for ample cuddle room, if that was all she wanted instead.
           But tonight, Nesta sighed and looked at the ceiling, gathering her thoughts. Cassian propped himself up on one elbow, waiting.
           “I’ve been thinking about trying for law school again,” Nesta said at last.
           “Oh,” Cassian said, surprised but not unpleasantly so. When everything had gone to shit and their father had died, Nesta had withdrawn what Cassian was told was a very promising and competitive law school application. That had been over two years ago now, and Cassian had found himself wondering more than once if she missed no longer being on that path, or if it was something she had ever wanted for herself at all.
           “Yeah,” she agreed, then continued, “I just don’t think the sugar baby lifestyle suits me as well as it suits Feyre, you know?” Cassian laughed. “Seriously! She just lives in a big house and paints all day and is going to give Rhys as many babies as he wants, and I’m really happy for her.”
           “He really loves her,” Cassian said, feeling a need to defend his brother. It was maybe undeniable that Rhysand technically qualified as Feyre’s sugar daddy given their age gap, but the implication that he just wanted her for baby making, even though Cassian knew Nesta didn’t mean it like that, riled him just a little.
           “I know,” Nesta said, unfazed. “I said I was happy for her. I just don’t know that that’s for me, you know? I want to do something. I want to have a career and something that I am outside of just us.” If Cassian was not used to Nesta’s bluntness, he might have been offended. But she turned to look at him with her crystal-blue eyes unusually wide and vulnerable, and he knew this was really something that had been weighing on her for a while.
           “Okay, hell yeah,” Cassian said. “My Nesta, girlbossing it up. I’m all for it, whatever you want to do. Law school, business mogul, dean—you’ll kick ass no matter what.”
           Nesta rolled her eyes, but Cassian could see her cheeks had turned slightly pink. “Don’t ever call me girlboss again.”
           “No promises.”
           Nesta rolled her eyes again, and Cassian grinned wider. For a moment, Nesta picked at a loose thread on her sleeve, and then she said, “Or if none of them work out, I guess I could lean into the sugar baby lifestyle and start an OnlyFans.”
           Cassian suppressed a groan, imagining Nesta’s OnlyFans. The amount of money he would have paid for that if she wasn’t his…. “And I’d be your top supporter,” he promised.
           She gave him an exasperated look. “Anything I’d post on OnlyFans you get for free.”
           “But I’m going to support your endeavors, no matter what they are,” Cassian said. “You could try a new career every year for the rest of our lives and I’d be right there by your side. You’ll be the best at whatever you do, baby, you and I both know that.”
           “That’s actually a good point,” she said, pointing at him. “If I get in you’re not allowed to pay my tuition. And neither is Rhysand.”
           “What?” Cassian exclaimed. “Of course I am!”
           “You are not,” Nesta said, her voice leaving no room for argument. “This is my career, my path. I’ll get myself through and pay off the loans on my own.”
           It was a shame there was no talking Nesta into taking charity. If she had decided it would wound her pride to have Cassian pay her tuition, there would be no changing her mind. But he understood—if she wanted this to be something that was hers, it didn’t make sense to have him tied to it so intrinsically. He could accept that. Sort of.
           “Fine,” he said. “But I’m still paying rent and buying groceries and bringing you really big, sugary coffees when you have a hard day of studying. No argument.”
           That earned him another eye roll, but this time with a small smile. “Fine.” She scooted closer so she could snuggle against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her to pull her close.
           Something in him relaxed just having her so close, but there was still tension in her arms, in her fingers on his back, so he just stroked her hair and waited. Finally, she whispered, “Did you mean it?”
           “About the sugary coffees? Of course. I know we try to eat right, but—”
           “No,” Nesta interrupted. “About…every year, for the rest of our lives. You being by my side.” She tightened her arms and fingers like she was clinging to him.
           For the first time tonight, Cassian was totally taken aback. That was what had thrown her? Wasn’t it obvious? Wasn’t it…what she wanted? “Yeah,” he said, ignoring a cold wash of fear in his stomach. “You don’t think I’m going anywhere, do you? Like I could ever even look at another woman now that I’ve loved you? This is it for me, Ness. Honestly you couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”
           He half expected her to shoot back about stalking or restraining orders or the like, but instead she squeezed him so tight even he almost had the wind knocked out of him. She moved her face from his chest to bury it against his neck, and though he didn’t feel the wet heat of tears, her ragged breaths sounded like she was trying not to cry. “Nesta,” he whispered softly. “Don’t tell me you want a career because you think I might leave you. I’m not going anywhere.”
           “I don’t just want it because of that,” she managed, voice choked. “But you can’t know. You can’t know you won’t get sick of me.”
           “How could I possibly get sick of you? You have ruined me for all other women, Ness, I mean that. And I don’t just mean about sex, though the sex I have with you is absolutely the best sex I’ve ever had in my life, no contest.” She let out a choked laugh against his chest. He could feel her tears now. “I am genuinely excited to see you chase your dreams, Nesta. I’m excited to bring you sugary coffees, and take you out for nice dinners after your big exams, and watch you kick the ass of every other attorney who is unfortunate enough to go up against you. You’re my everything. I don’t want you to spend any more time doubting that.”
           “I know,” Nesta whispered. “I know. You’re my everything too. I’ve never cared about anything as much as I care about you. That’s what’s so scary.”
           Cassian had known almost from the moment he met her that she was the woman he was going to marry. In his mind, however, it was such an inevitability that he hadn’t felt the need to rush. He thought of them as the type to just be together until one day they’d look at each other and say “hey, we should probably get married, huh?” But sometimes he forgot that there was a lot of insecurity under Nesta’s kickass physique and haughty stares. Maybe she needed that promise set in stone (a very expensive, very shiny stone) more than he had realized. He didn’t think she was hounding for a rock, but if she was worried that his lack of commitment was because he was leaving himself a doorway out, he needed to show her that she couldn’t be more wrong.
           As she rolled onto her back and invited him to have some of that life-changing sex, he thought to himself that maybe it was time he went and got a ring.
@nessianweek
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Fire and Darkness Chapter 4
The Darkling x reader
Word Count: 1186
Summary: Yeah, I forgot I liked this trope, and long story short there’s only one bed.
You’d had an inkling of how lucky you were for your home before everything went sideways, but nothing could have fully prepared you for the reality of life on the run. Adrian, or whatever name he gave to people along the way, was blessedly understanding about your position, fortunately, but that didn’t do much to ease the steadily-building anxiety that threatened to overwhelm you every waking moment of the day, and it all came to a head one afternoon in a strange, new town when the two of you decided to splurge for a room at the local inn to keep out of the worsening weather outside.
“I’m afraid the pair of you aren’t the only ones seeking shelter from this storm, my dears,” the kindly old woman behind the counter was saying. “You’re lucky that we have even one room available.”
“And there’s no chance that it has two beds or even a couch in it, is there?” you asked on the end of a sigh, already knowing the answer in your heart.
“Not at all. Unfortunately, it’s always the small rooms that go last, you know.”
“It’s alright,” Adrian said smoothly. “We’ll figure something out.” Then he was sliding over the money to pay for the stay.
The old woman winked. “If anyone else asks, just say you’re married. They’ll believe it; the pair of you have the look.”
“Oh, we’re not--”
“Trust me, sweetheart; I know the look. You’d best tack a ‘yet’ to the end of that sentence.”
“But--”
“Thank you,” Adrian cut you off, hand moving down to grasp yours and again you felt your power swell with the contact; you also could have sworn you saw pink at the tips of his ears, “for your kindness. We appreciate the advice.”
“Always happy to help the youth!” she grinned. The sound of the key scraping against the desk as she pushed it towards you grated against your nerves. “Check-out is tomorrow afternoon!”
“Adrian, how are we supposed to make anyone believe that we--”
Those grey eyes of his cut to yours as he led you upstairs. “You know as well as I that married couples our age aren’t uncommon. Besides,” he slid the key into the lock to access the room, “with any luck, we won’t be encountering anyone to warrant such a lie.”
The room that was revealed when the door swung open was even smaller than you’d feared, looking more like a converted broom closet than a proper bedroom. The bed was barely wide enough for one and a half people, let alone two; you wouldn’t at all be surprised if his feet dangled off the end of it given his height. The bed was shoved into a corner to maximize space for things such as changing clothes, and beside it sat a barrel serving as an end table with a single oil lamp atop it to light the space.
“Home sweet home,” you said on an exhale. “Do you want to be against the wall, or shall I?” After your time travelling together--months, you were startled to realize--it would be silly to have the argument of who would sleep on the floor. No, both of you would be in the bed, and that was that.
He snorted a little at your mild annoyance. “It’s got to be better than sleeping in the woods, hasn’t it?” he countered while depositing his pack on the floor. 
“Tell that when your poor toes are freezing because they’re just dangling into the abyss.”
There was a spark in his eyes that you’d seen there before, but couldn’t name when you looked over at him. “Then it’s a good thing I’m sharing with you, isn’t it?”
You weren’t sure if he was referring to your ability or something more intimate, but your face heated regardless. “I suppose,” you murmured shyly, insecurity driving away whatever playfulness had been on your tone. Your gaze dropped to the bed you were sitting on.
“Do you have a preference?” he asked more quietly, sensing your uneasiness.
“Huh?” You still didn’t look up at him; instead you made yourself busy by removing the layers that’d started getting too hot now that you were indoors.
“The bed. Do you have a preference on a side?”
“Oh, no.”
“Then I’ll take the side by the door,” came his decisive choice. “I’m a lighter sleeper; I’ll wake if there is any danger.”
“Alright . . .”
Minutes cloaked in awkward silence later, the pair of you were tucked under the well-worn sheets lying closer than you had ever anticipated to the man. Due to the lack of space, it was inevitable that your legs end up being tangled. What you hadn’t anticipated was the way you had to be turned on your side away from each other in order to have any kind of space between your upper halves. And you were right. His toes were hanging off the bed unless he kept his knees pulled up a bit.
“Are you awake?” you asked as quietly as you could in case the answer was ‘no.’
“I’m impressed you think I could doze off that quickly, but yes.”
You stayed quiet, not knowing what to say. You could feel the heat radiating between his back and yours. Part of you wanted to lean back and close that distance.
He sighed a little as he adjusted his position, and you worried that you’d annoyed him. “I’ll tell you a secret in exchange for yours,” he offered, a mirror to that original bargain you’d made with him.
He’d taken the leap and trusted you back then. You could do the same now, but still you hesitated. “. . . I’m afraid I’ll never see my cousin again.” The instant it was out in the air, it was as if a pressure was lifted from your chest. You’d worried that giving voice to your fear would make it reality, but you felt better just for having admitted it.
“You will,” he promised despite both of you knowing he had no power to keep it. There was another pause, just like before yours, when he seemed to brace himself for saying whatever his secret was. “My name is Aleksander.”
A grin spread across your face despite the uncertainty that still gnawed at your mind. You rolled over to face him, prompting him to do the same. His eyes were wary; you wondered how long it’d been since anyone had known his real name. “It’s nice to meet you, Aleksander,” you greeted warmly.
“Nice to meet you, too,” came his more tentative reply.
If the pair of you woke the next morning with your head resting on his chest and his arm holding you close, that was your business and no, you wouldn’t be thinking too hard about it. Especially the way it sent thrills down your spine. Or how it quickly became normal for the two of you to sleep against each other rather than apart. It was better for survival, you reasoned. Sharing body heat and all that. Nevermind the fact that it continued well into the heat of the Summer.
238 notes · View notes
falloutjay · 3 years
Note
Wait we can request more than once? Okay then... I wish for Craig x Insecure! Reader (and also kind of x Tweek). So basically we get into a relationship with Craig, at first our personalitiy from very cheery and everything is peachy keen at first.
But then Craig starts ignoring us or shrugging us off, thats when we start being insecure and start thinking dark things like: what did I do wrong? Is there someone else? Am I that annoying?.
So trying to be progressive with her life, we take a job at Tweek coffee, (also sidenote everyone noticed our change in behavior and were worried, but didn't know how to ask how). So Tweek becomes the brave soul to ask us what's wrong. And we spill our problems out to him, Tweek doesn't know what to do but gives us a shoulder to cry on , few weeks roll by, and we find we have alot in common with him, so we start hanging out with him, almost completely forgetting about Craig. (It's up to you if you want Tweek to gain feelings for us)
By this time, Craig has started to notice and gets in the same position as we were (although more jealous than insecure), it isn't until a girl makes a comment about how she'd leave Craig too if he treated her like that, does Craig connect the dots and apologizes, they compromise their relationship and try to be a better couple and be peachy again (or you could do another ending where Tweek goes 'Treat you better' and fights for us).
I'm so so so sorry that I took so long! I just really wanted to take my time on this and really get into it, since I love the request! <3
I'm also sorry that Tweeks route is shorter but hey, at least we can choose which of the two deserves our love. :)
Thank you for being so patient and requesting! <3
_____________________________________
Craig Tucker x Insecure!Reader X Tweek Tweak
The sun on your skin felt wonderful. There is nothing better to do, than to hang out outside on a sunny, warm, and beautiful day in South Park.
To your luck your relatively new boyfriend Craig asked if you wanted to hang out with his friends and him when they would go to Starks Pond. Naturally, you said yes, getting finally a chance to also hang out with his friends.
While the guys were busy playing catch with a ball, you and Bebe, Clyde's on/off Girlfriend sat on the picnic blanket that she bought along.
It was also the first time you hung out with her and honestly, you were happy to basically get to know all these different people.
Bebe was a ray of absolute sunshine, and her boyfriend was the funniest dork you had ever seen.
Token was a more serious guy but oh so nice to you as well. Tweek and Jimmy were nice too and the quieter ones of the bunch.
"So... You and Craig huh?" Bebe asked you and you finally preyed your eyes from the black-haired boy away.
"Yeah. I was surprised when he asked me out." You laughed and Bebe did so too.
"How come?"
"I don't know. Kinda thought maybe I was out of his league. I'm not the most popular person around school and most people don't know me. Unlike you guys. You and Stans Friends are basically famous."
"That's only because of all the weird shit that sometimes happens around here." You nodded.
“So, how is he?” Bebe continued her questioning and you thought about it for a second before answering.
“Honestly, he’s a real sweetheart. Totally not like you would imagine him to be when you don’t know him too well.”
“That sounds so cute.” Bebe said dreamingly.
Your conversation was disrupted by a ball flying towards you. It landed just a few feet away from the blanket you and Bebe were seated on and Craig came sprinting.
He smiled when he picked up the ball and came closer to you.
“Sorry for that. I think Token was distracted by your beauty.” Bebe giggled in the background and you had the widest smile possible on your face.
“No problem. But I think you need to tell Token I’m taken then. By the prettiest boy around the school.” Now Bebe rolled her eyes.
“Ahh, to be in love like that again.” Now Craig couldn’t contain his laughter. He looked over to where Clyde was standing and obviously waiting for him to bring their ball back.
“Go back. They are waiting for you.” You said, pointing over to the boys. Craig nodded, but quickly pressed a kiss onto your lips, before sprinting right back to his friends.
 It was a beautiful day that was always on your mind. Now more than ever. Recently Craig had been rather cold to you and you really had no idea why.
He simply became less and less affectionate, when you would do something together, he barely talked, and he generally seemed changed.
He was angrier, cold, and seemed distant. It hurt you a lot, but talking to him about it was impossible, since he would just not admit that something changed.
It started getting to you. It poisoned your heart and mind that he was behaving in such a way towards you.
Maybe…Maybe he was seeing someone else... But no. Craig wouldn’t do that…Would he? Maybe he just realized you're annoying but didn’t want to break up.
“H-Hey Y/N!” Jimmy called out to you.
You waited for him to walk up to you since you were getting books for the weekend out of your locker. When he was finally next to you, he seemed giddy.
“I was wo-wondering if yo-you’d like to help TimTim and m-m-me with a project?” He asked, a pleasant smile on his face while he waited for your answer.
That smile turned into a frown when you shook your head.
“Sorry, I think I will just stay at home this weekend. I'm not feeling too well…” You lied, hoping Jimmy would not see through your fake smile.
Of course, he saw right through it, but he didn’t know what to do. None of your friends did. They all noticed how different you had become, how you smiled less and less and seemed more in thought.
They weren’t sure what to actually do, or how to help, so they just hope that you would maybe come to them and talk about it.
“Oh o-okay. No problem.” Jimmy said, and you could clearly hear that he was hurt, but he already continued walking.
You starred after him, wishing you weren’t so complicated. You felt like you kept only hurting everyone around you. With a deep sigh, you closed your locker and shouldered your backpack.
“Maybe…Maybe I need to change something…” you mumbled while walking towards the school’s entrance.
Craig had football training anyway, so it’s not like anyone was waiting for you, or that you had any desire to talk to anyone.
Someone hesitantly, you pulled out your phone and went onto Craig's contact.
“Hey, you got time this weekend? <3”
The least you could keep doing is trying you told yourself, even if you felt more and more like an idiot. A few minutes later you got an answer from him.
“Sorry, no time. Maybe next weekend.”
You wondered how many times he had said that by now. It felt like a million times.
Were you really that horrible that he couldn’t stand you anymore?
That it was too much to give you a merciful breakup instead of keep dragging this to the inevitable? And yet you also refused to break up with him.
There still was this small hope that maybe he would come around, see he was being a dick, and change his ways.
You loved him a lot.
And whenever you thought about breaking up, your heart ached. It was a horrible situation for you. And you wished you could escape it.
 “Okay, Y/N. I think that’s all you need to know. If you have any more questions, you can ask our son, Tweek when he will arrive. He got a doctor’s appointment today, otherwise, he will be here before you. He’s weird but nice.”
“Eh…Mister Tweak, I know him, we got to the same school and sometimes meet up.” You said, raising an eyebrow.
Mister Tweak, your new employer, simply smiled. You sometimes weren’t sure if he actually listened.
He was an odd fella, but you were just happy to have a little side job, that gave you okay money and had good hours.
You were looking around the shop in your new Tweeks Bros. apron when the door flung open. Tweek stepped into the shop, rambling about god knows what, and took his backpack off.
He stopped dead in his tracks when he laid eyes on you.
“Y-y-you applied here?” He questioned, seeming genuinely surprised.
You and Tweek didn’t hang out that much. He and Jimmy were little busy bees and therefore weren’t at every hangout, unlike Token, Clyde, and Craig.
“Yeah, I thought I…Might need some change or something like that.”
Richard Tweak clapped his hands and proclaimed: “Good, you two seem to get along. Then I will go home. Have a great first day, Y/N!” Tweek and you watched his father leave.
“So…What happened to the well-known fact that your father is a cheapskate and hires no one to save money?” You asked.
“My mother u-urged him to hire someone so that he can be home more. No idea how she convinced him.” Tweek smiled awkwardly, as so did you.
You never noticed before how little you had talked to the twitchy blonde.
Tweek walked behind the counter where you were and also took his apron.
“My dad already explained the basics?” He questioned to which you nodded. “Good, because honestly, I-I suck at explaining things.”
You loved Tweeks smile, and it involuntarily made you smile too.
“Well, I hope this job will get my mind off things.” You mentioned absentmindedly and the blonde cocked his head to the side.
He would love to ask what going on, but he felt awkward. Like it wasn’t his place to ask. And yet in a short-lived moment of bravery, he asked: “Yo-You’re... alright?” His anxiety shortly piped up, making him scared that maybe you didn't appreciate being asked if you're okay and that he already messed up with you.
You let out a deep sigh, the fake smile appearing once more.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it.”
“I feel like you’re lying about it.” Tweek wanted to slap his hands over his mouth, felt incredibly surprised that it just came out of his mouth and he immediately mumbled a quick sorry.
“It is fine. It’s just… I don’t know if I can tell you. You’re friends with Craig and shit.”
“D-don’t worry about that, honestly. I wouldn’t dare to tell anyone anything that yo-you tell me in private.” Tweek said, stepping closer to you. He pressed his index finger onto his lips, smiling at you.
“Well…Since you're the first guy to ever ask me...I just feel like Craig doesn’t like me anymore. Just…Whenever I ask him if we want to hang out, he tells me off, he doesn’t kiss me or anything, I just… Maybe he has someone else on his mind already.”
Tweek felt overwhelmed by your sudden confession, not having thought you would actually tell him.
“If you want to hear my honest opinion as someone who is close friends with him, there is no one. Craig is not that kind of guy. Maybe there’s a lot going on with him right now and he just can’t tell you. M-maybe give him some space and he'll come around. I know we not really all that close or anything, but if you ever need anyone to talk to, I-I’m here.”
You smiled, feeling actually better, even if you never would have thought talking about it would help.
“Maybe you’re right. And I now have a job, so some time apart might be the right thing.” You shrugged.
You heard the bell above the entrance door ring, signaling a customer arrived.
“Well, let’s see how you do on your first day.” Tweek smiled and gave you a little notepad to go and take the customer’s order.
 Weeks had flown by and you had a wonderful time at Tweeks Bros.
Tweek’s parents were incredibly sweet to you, sometimes making you coffee or giving you a cake or cookie free of charge.
Tweek himself had become a really good friend to you. Outside of work, you now hung out at school, sitting together at lunch, or sometimes even hung out on the weekend.
When Craig and you would meet up on rare occasions you texted with him. Tweek was a wonderful person to talk to.
There even was an incident when Craig asked you to hang out and you declined, stating that you had already promised to Tweek that you two would bake cupcakes that day.
“Wait, so you love Fav/Flavor cupcakes too?” Tweek asked feeling giddy, as you two were out shopping.
“Yes. I never found someone who loves them as much as I do!” You happily proclaimed, feeling amazed at how much you and the blonde had in common.
While nearing the checkout area, Craig spotted you two.
He was out shopping with his family. Somewhat angry, he stomped over.
“So you’re busy today, Y/N?” He said sarcastically and let his eyes wander over you two.
“Yeah, like I said. Me and Tweek are baking today.” He nodded, looking obviously not pleased.
Tweek shifted around uncomfortably, hoping this ordeal would end.
“Well, we gotta get going, those cupcakes aren’t making themselves. I'll bring you one on Monday if you’d like.” You smiled.
Craig only stared coldly at Tweek, who wished the earth would just swallow him whole.
“Okay. Have fun then.” Craig mumbled and walked away fuming.
“C-c-come on, Y/N, let’s get going.” Tweek said, tugging you along to the checkout.
“Bullshit. I’m sure Tweek is hitting on them!” Craig fumed, walking up and down in Tokens living room.
Token, Clyde, and Bebe were all there to see Craig's emotional outburst.
Bebe was leaning on Clyde, reading a magazine while Token and Clyde tried their very best to keep their fuming friend calm.
“Tweek? Tweek Tweak? The shyest, weirdest kid in our goddamn school? Are you on fucking drugs?” Token exclaimed, not believing the bullshit Craig kept on spewing.
“Token is right, Tweek is not that kind of guy. He’s our friend and he’s a pure soul. You’re seeing danger where there is none.” Clyde said and looked at Craig with a worrying expression.
Craig huffed and let himself fall onto the opposing couch to where the others were seated.
Bebe kept chewing her bubblegum.
“What ya mean seeing danger where there is none? There is?” Bebe mentioned now sarcastically and kept reading her magazine, obviously not understanding any of the guys here.
Craig made a questioning sound, hoping Bebe would elaborate. She didn’t seem interested in answering until Clyde asked her politely.
“Oh my god.” She exclaimed annoyed and sat up, closing her magazine.
“Craig, do you honestly think you have been a good boyfriend? Because, frankly, you haven’t been great at all. You always ditched Y/N, kept them at distance, you didn’t give two flying fucks about the relationship and now you’re mad they turned to someone how obviously cares more about them? I would have broken up a long time ago. Consider yourself lucky that they didn’t do so already when Tweek seems like a much better option than you are right now.”
Craig's heart stung, and Clyde looked at his girlfriend in shock.
“Honey, you can’t just say that!” Clyde whispered, but Craig stopped him.
“No, I guess she’s right. I was a dick I think. I need to apologize.” Bebe nodded and so did Token. The black boy looked over to the blonde woman, mouthing a “Thank you” to her, to which she smiled.
 Craig felt like an idiot. A big one. He was now standing here, flowers in his hand, looking through the glass windows of Tweek Bros..
He saw his girlfriend laughing together with his blonde friend and his heart hurt when he saw it.
He loved Y/N. He didn’t want to lose them.
So, with a little confidence, he stepped into the coffee shop and Tweek was the first to spot him, he smiled at him waving.
When he spotted the flowers in Craig's arm and his nervous expression, Tweek could easily guess why he was here. So, he excused himself from Y/N and went to that back of the shop.
Confused, you turned around and seeing your black-haired boyfriend standing there, looking all awkward made you smile involuntarily.
“H-Here. These are for you.” Craig mumbled, passing you the beautiful bouquet of different flowers over the counter. He extended his hand, asking for your, which you gladly gave him.
“Hey, I know I have been a dick recently and I wanted to apologize. I really didn’t see that I had hurt you and there was a lot going on for me, which is why I wanted to stay alone for a while. I now know that that’s stupid. So, I am asking, can you please forgive me?”
You felt dumbfounded. This was everything you wished for, ever since Craig started being so cold and here, he was, flowers and apology were already given and now it was up to you to decide if you two still had a future ahead of you.
You kept opening and closing your mouth, not really knowing what to say at all.
You wanted to get words out so desperately, but you simply could not…
  If you choose Craig:
 Finally taking a deep breath, you smiled and with teary eyes said: “You’re forgiven. Just…don’t ever do that again.”
“Never ever again.” Craig agreed and you quickly walked around the counter to hug him.
While he held you close, he whispered to you.
“I’m sorry that I have been so cold. My grandma died recently, and it affected me more than I thought it would…I just wanted to be alone.”
“It’s okay.” You whispered back, just feeling happy that your beloved boyfriend came around.
“So, to make that lost time up to you…” Craig broke away from your hug and you smiled contently at each other.
“Wanna go out for dinner next weekend?”
“I’d love to, honey.” The bell of the shop rang once more, and some elderly men came in.
“Seems like I gotta go back to work.” You mumbled, watching the men get seated.
“Yeah. So, I’ll be on my way, don’t wanna keep you from work. You look cute in your apron though.” You giggled, biting your lower lip.
“I’ll text you when I’m off work.” He nodded, waved, and went outside.
You stared after him for a moment before you took the new customer's orders.
While preparing the coffee and cake Tweek came back and looked at you with a curious expression.
“He apologized and invited me for dinner next weekend.”
“S-sounds amazing. Does that mean… you will stop working here?” He asked and you immediately shook your head.
“Not at all. I love it here and I love working here with you.”
Tweek smiled widely, happy that his friend would stay with him in the shop.
“I really hope you got some nice clothes for that dinner.” Tweek said while he had a glance at your note block to help you prepare.
“I have something in mind. But maybe you’re interested in coming over and help me pick something fitting? And before that, we will try that new recipe for the raspberry cupcakes and banana bread?”
You asked, sincerely hoping Tweek was onboard.
“Yes, that sounds great.” You were somewhat thankful that Craig had been acting so weirdly.
It allowed you to really get to know the blonde coffee addict that you would now even consider your best friend.
“But n-next time he acts up, offer him some cupcakes with la-laxatives in it.”
The customers were looking over to the two laughing idiots behind the counter.
“Oh my god. Where did you get that idea?”
“Have I ever told you the story of W-WikiLeaks and how Cartman got thrown under a bus by t-teachers?”
“No?”
“You’re in for a treat, trust me.”
The following weekend was wonderful for you.
You had a great afternoon with Tweek, baking and trying on outfits, and your dinner with your boyfriend was amazing too.
You had never seen him so well-kempt and without his signature hat, so it came as a surprise when he stood outside of your door like that.
The dinner itself was a new fond memory of yours. You ordered food and talk for hours on end, catching up on what you two had been missing out on for so long...
  If you choose Tweek:
You didn’t know why your heart arched; you had known it for so long already but just hoped that you didn’t have to do this.
“I-I…” Craig stared at you.
“I am sorry… I just think we should break up…I think I caught feelings for someone else.” You decided to be completely honest and noticed the change in his expression immediately, even if he tried to play it cool.
“I could have guessed that. Tweek is not a bad guy at all… I just want you to know, I am really sorry for how I behaved and maybe we can remain friends?”
“We will see, Craig.” You awkwardly nodded at each other and he left the shop, obviously defeated.
Tweek poked his head out from the backdoor and questioned where your friend went.
“Home, I guess. We broke up.”
Tweek walked towards you and gave you a hug.
“I-I am so sorry to hear, b-but how come. I thought he wanted to apologize?” “I-I-…guess I just don’t feel the same anymore... My time here at the shop and everything made me realize that I can do better…And you proofed me that especially.”
You took his hand in yours, and he jittered and twitched insanely in this for him unusual situation.
You noticed the red blush on his cheeks, and you smiled warmly at him.
“You treated me so much better than he did recently.”
“Well…I-I-…I d-do like you.” Tweek managed to stutter, and you felt your face heat up.
“Hey…Maybe want to hang out next weekend and make dinner together? My parents are out of town.”
Tweek nodded, feeling happy when the bell above the door made you two instantly gain distance.
To Tweek this was new, a close friend of his hinting that they like him and everything.
That was simply too much for him.
The pressure he felt was immense and yet, he felt happy, giddy… In love.
He felt bad for Craig, his friend, and yet happy since you choose to spend time with him.
That slight red blush kept lingering on his cheeks, as he watched you work. With such ease, you managed to make his head spin.
“Just keep doing you. She liked you well enough until now!” He thought to himself to keep calm.
He just had to keep on doing what he did until now and everything would be fine. Basically, a date with the girl he liked the next weekend?
He will try to manage…
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wistfulrat · 4 years
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a 4-part rec list of my fave drarry fics - the thrillers, dramas, soft bois, and wankbanks getting me through 2020′s shitstorm
[ for my fellow fledgling drarry stans! the drama list is here and, well. like i didn’t initially intend to go off in the mini-reviews beneath every rec but it’s just that you can't nOT yell about drarry as classic literary foils!! also it’s my dumb sideblog so i decided there are no rules and i get to be annoying about good writing.
but rly, the whole premise of the drarry pairing is shaped by this genre and if the ~serious world of serious published writers~ weren’t absolute cowards, they would admit that drama fic authors have contributed more to the genre than the average shit you can find at your local chain bookstore. so that's that on thAT. & if you love a fic here, don't forget to follow the authors, leave kudos & comments on their work, send them nice msgs bc they do all this shit for free xoxo ]
part 2: dramas
mood: for when I need emotional catharsis and maybe 7 hours to sob/brood about loneliness, the cost of love, & the perpetual fear of being truly known
includes: angst, hurt/comfort, reconciliation fics. it’s cruelty o’clock folks and someone is about to say/do something Fucked Up that they can’t take back. but don’t worry!! there will be a Reckoning feat. hamlet-worthy monologues, ugly truths, unbridled rage, trauma, insecurity, and just a fuck ton of tears!! but maybe even tender apologies and mended things.
(Un)wanted by @aibidil​ - 36k - E | Ginny's pregnant, then she's not and Harry's single. Harry, again with no family, doesn't know what to do with this turn of events, or how to find a new life—post-war, post-Ginny, post-abortion—in which he belongs. He doesn't expect that life to include dancing to the Backstreet Boys with Hermione and Draco Malfoy. A story of finding belonging in the unexpected. | --- can a fic be tender and unflinching at the same time? bc this story strikes that balance rly well and for a piece about unwantedness, it is incredibly humanizing. ginny holding her own, draco being gentle but not letting harry play victim, hermione calling harry “hazzah” and just the way this friendship insists on the validity of found families even when harry is spiraling?? and you’re forced to consider that no one has the monopoly on fucked-upness and that doesn’t absolve us of the ways we hurt each other but it means that everyone has the same potential to be better after being broken. goD JUST READ IT, OKAY.
Blood Magic, the series by @houseofhebrideanblacks and @thestralsofspinnersend 335k - E “Later that night. . .Draco wondered at the depths of magic, its breadth and scope. The ways in which life pervades and eludes death, the ways in which they endure all manners of small and large deaths within their lives.” -- if you don't read any other fic on this list, i hope you read this series bc holy shit it’s breathtaking. harry’s a recovering addict, draco’s recovering from abuse, and in a cottage within the forbidden forest begins an unlikely partnership as the boys take up the tedious work of healing. there are thestrals and everyone's in therapy. there are whole chapters of cottagecore drarry. it's a beautiful exploration of how we bare the immensity of loss against the miracles of birth and regrowth. 
Ship of Theseus by GallaPlacidia - 18k - T “A ship in a full sail, a ship in a state of decay, a ship that had been rebuilt, slightly different. A repeating cycle. “What makes the ship the same?” asked Harry. “I don’t know. There must be something in it that lasts across the changes.” -- DO YOU KNOW HOW THIS QUOTE LIVES RENT FREE IN MY SAD, SAD BRAIN. DO YOU KNOW HOW I LOSE SLEEP THINKING ABOUT THE FUCKING SHIP OF THESEUS. it’s a memory loss fic and everything is so unFAIR. you want to murder harry sometimes bc he’s such a shiT and you suffer through the ways he questions desire, penance, redemption, true love. and by the end, you want to believe in those golden slumber lyrics: “once, there was a way to get back home” 
Yours to Keep by @dracoismytrashson​ - 135k - E i love the university setting, i love getting to see harry and draco’s first forays into a real LGBTQ community, the class and race structures outside of the wizarding world. i love that this is the context in which they’re allowed to confront the shittiness of PTSD, anxiety, depression etc. as they come together and fall apart against each other’s traumas. it makes the ending feel earned af. “Baby, we’ve been easing into it for a decade.” -- my god this line
Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered​ - 153k - T  this fic is devastating. like, completely forget whatever reticence you might have towards a de-aging fic and read this. the de-aging premise allows the author to cut through the ways harry and draco hold each other at a distance and you end up with these stunning moments of clarity where they’re truly seeing each other for the first time. and suddenly everything makes sense. i won't spoil it here but there’s a scene towards the end where harry is talking to hermione and ron about realizing the first time he felt what its like to be loved and I fucking SOBBED. an all-time fave fic about learning how to belong.
Had To Be You by @lettersbyelise​​ - 59k - E a genuinely excellent slow burn about absolute fucking morons who refuse to express their mutual love over the course of literal years?? HOW MANY TENDER MEET-CUTES DO 2 GAY IDIOTS EVEN NEED. a car ride a bookshop a street corner -- when harry met sally is my enemy. but you know what? this fic is masterfully written, it’s an epic tale of unexpected friendships and the inability to say the things we feel. also its very much also a soft boi fic if not for the Major Fuck Up that pushes it into drama territory for me. so worth the turmoil tbh.
Hurricane by phrynne - 120k - E auror partners terrified of love. it’s a fic about walls - where the emotional landscape of this fic is occluded by dishonest words so you feel the tension play out in hollow voices, shuttered looks, emptied eyes. it’s like watching two ppl get flayed alive in slow motion and everything is SHIT for a little. it’s mean, it’s ugly, it doesn’t let you give the characters an out when they’re being cruel - to each other and to themselves. but harry and draco are two violent forces hurling toward each other’s walls and the inevitable reckoning comes and it’s so very worth the ending. the hospital bed scene to rule all hospital bed scenes.
Returning Tides by @zigster-ao3​ - E  “Is my timing that flawed? Our respect run so dry? Yet there's still this appeal That we've kept through our lives” --those fuCKing ian curtis lyrics in the summary!! p a i n. why do i put myself through getting-back-together fics knowing full well i’m gonna be Sad As Hell during the not-together portion of the story?? we are all unfortunately hoes for heartache. anyway this fic is beautiful. draco’s a dad and recently widowed, harry has a thestral reserve, the settings here are stunning. a story about grief and love that lingers.
A Piercing Comfort by @talithan - 44k - T “There is no objective scorecard. There isn’t anything that a person does that tips the balance from ‘deserving’ to ‘undeserving’, or vice versa. A ‘deserving’ person will not run out of worthiness after a set time of happiness and have to then go about working to deserve it again. And an ‘undeserving’ person does not have to suffer at length before having the opportunity to be ‘deserving’.” -- the heart of this fic. harry’s in therapy, facing depression, and learning how to accept love he doesn’t think he deserves. (also draco is harry’s therapist but yes, that power dynamic is handled ethically-well imo and addressed in the author notes I promise!!).
Borrowing Courage by @xx-thedarklord-xx​ - 70k - E |After years of being a Magical Artist and painting for other people, Draco decides it’s time to paint for himself for once. The secrets pile up as he tries to unravel the mystery of his relatives but the only thing he didn’t count on was having to go to Potter of all people for approval.| --god i love this fic. the thing about drarry here is that they never mean to hurt each other but they do. they do and draco’s trying to do the right thing and he wants so badly for good family but harry’s never rly stopped grieving sirius and it’s this whole unintended mess of festering wounds forced to heal. everyone needs a hug. also ron/blaise pairing and ron+draco’s friendship here is everything!!
Reparations and the sequel, Foundations by Saras_Girl - 320k - E | Harry is about to discover that the steepest learning curve comes after Healer training, and that second chances can be found in unexpected places.| -- incredible. harry and draco’s dynamic as healers, the cast of original characters, the boys learning what it means to trust each other, draco building a rehabilitation center, harry falling in love with him, and “meus fabula est mei ut dico: my story is mine to tell.”  i cry
The Ties that Bind by phoenix_writing (not on ao3) - 61k - T | Upon Andromeda’s death, Harry and Draco are given custody of Teddy. Their lives will never be the same.| -- harry’s got major abandonment issues and he’s just trying to be a good co-parent with draco but everyone is being the woRST and you want to murder them on behalf of harry. but then, the boys learn to listen to each other and god it all becomes so tender. also harry has a gay panic. things are awful but it all works out. -
[part 1: thrillers | part 2: dramas | part 3: soft bois | part 4: wankbanks]
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shreddedparchment · 3 years
Text
A Wife for Thor Pt.14
The Garden Hallway
01/02/2021
Pairing: King!Thor x Reader          Word Count: 5,974
Warnings: language, smut, smutty smut smut, talk of pregnancy, jealousy, spoiled lobster, alcoholic Brunnhilde, babies
A/N: First post of the new year! This was a fun one to write with lots of little tidbits that were enjoyable. Writing doubts aside, I hope you all enjoy this one! Sorry it took so long to get to you, but holidays, ya know? xoxo
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“She’s beautiful, Thora. Just gorgeous.” You bounce the infant in your arms and she coos and goos.
Spittle runs down along the edge of her lips and Thora, the most gorgeous woman you have ever seen in your life, leans forward to gently dab away at the clear liquid.
Her very long ice blonde hair falls forward, half braided, the other half loose. She tosses it back then sighs and rips it back feeling frustrated.
“You could cut your hair, if it’s bothering you.” Ice blue eyes meet yours, slight shock at your observational skills painting her pale cheeks pink.
“Oh, no. I’m too fond of it, Your Majesty. I’ll grow used to it again. Having a little one to care for does make it a bit tedious to handle. But ‘tis no worry. I will just have to braid it more tightly and perhaps wear it atop my head to keep it tame.”
She’s all politeness, this Agardian beauty. The Goddess of it, if you’re honest, though you know that’s not true. To you, every Asgardian woman is the Goddess of beauty. They’re all so stunning in their own unique ways.
The same could be said for the women of your own species, but these Asgardians seem to glow.
“Well, if you ever change your mind, it’s really very normal for women of Earth to have very short hair in some cases. Especially when work or busy lives get in the way of maintaining it. I’m not sure how often women in the old Asgard used to-”
“It was not uncommon, though ‘twasn’t very common either. Most of us keep our hair long. I’m not sure my husband would love me as much if I did cut it.” She confesses, and you see a fleeting worry pass through her exquisite face and you can’t imagine how a woman this beautiful can doubt the hold she has on her husband when you’re only mortal and constantly worry about Thor’s love for you.
“Armod is a lucky man. I’m sure he knows that you’re more than your hair. But if it’s that important to you, I can try to find ways of keeping it out of your way? Some new hairstyles maybe?” You smile at her, hoping to offer comfort.
She relaxes, the little bundle in your arms wiggling just a bit as you lean forward to place your hand over hers.
“She really is so beautiful,” you say, hoping to redirect her attention to her perfect little girl.
Luta has deep olive skin, her hair the same stunning raven as Armod.
Thora’s entire being shifts. She gleams at her daughter, the clear apple of her eye.
“It won’t be long before you and His Majesty are blessed with a baby of your own. An heir to the throne? The celebration will be monumental.” She wiggles her eyebrows at you and you smile shyly, remembering almost every night since your honeymoon has been spent pinned either underneath Thor, or to the wall, or on the dresser, or his desk, or the tub, or even the floor in an attempt to get that heir to finally come.
Both of you want a baby so badly.
“We’ve been trying for almost two months,” You confess, a sadness in your voice incapable of hiding.
“Armod and I tried for nearly a year,” Thora nods, her own happiness sidelined to make way for understanding. “I believe that sometimes it just takes a while. My sister was able to conceive so quickly I began to think there was something wrong with me.”
She gives you a reassuring smile, almost like she can read your very thoughts.
“But it happened. It took time. It will happen for you as well, Your Majesty. We are all looking forward to an heir, but even if it takes a while, you’re still our Queen.” She assures you and her words do make you feel better.
Maybe you and Thor have just been trying too hard?
Oof, but there’s no way you can give up those touches.
“I guess I’ll just have to relax and take it one day at a time. Thank you for your encouragement. I’m seriously really jealous of you. She’s so lovely.” You offer her over, and Thora takes her eagerly.
The baby, Luta, whines a little but then settles as she’s held to her mother’s breast.
“She’s a peach, isn’t she?” Thora gloats, and she’s absolutely beaming.
The front door opens and there’s a startled pause by the tall dark Armod, long pitch braids swishing as he comes to a stop.
“Your Majesty?” The shock is clear, but he quickly bows and you get up, waving away his formality.
“No, please.” You smile, throwing out your hand for him to shake, “It’s so nice to see you, face to face and not from the backseat of a car.”
Armod laughs, taking hold of your hand gently and he quickly kisses the back of it.
The respect of the gesture is flattering.
“I was not expecting to see you here today, though I’m not going to lie, it’s an honor.”
“I promised I’d come,” you remind him. “I’m sorry it took so long. I’ve been so busy with the planning of the park and meeting with the Ambassadors to see what they want from us, and it’s just been so busy day after day.”
“Your Majesty,” Thora stands, shaking her head. “You have no obligation to explain yourself to us. We are at your service.”
You smile at her, reaching over to caress Luta’s little head then Thora’s shoulder, “I think it’s the other way around, but I’m grateful for your generosity.”
They both seem happy with you and as lovely as they are, you can’t spend all day here in their comfy little home.
Armod is paid really well and that’s reflected more in their belongings as opposed to the size of their house.
Very neat and high quality furniture and gadgets display their wealth though compared to the one you inherited and the one you married into, it’s just a fraction.
Armod and Thora's wealth lies in their love and family.
As they stand there, the ache in your chest begins to get unbearable so, you quickly tell them goodbye and you walk back up to the palace.
Armod's home is situated within the grounds of your New Asgardian dwelling. Smallish cottages that line the inner stone and vibranium wall are filled with staff who living close by makes it easier to work here.
If they lived outside of the palace walls, you'd have needed Armod's services to visit his own house. Luckily, in this way, you can visit some of your people without the need for fanfare.
You like not having to dress up.
As you slip into the garden and move for the large heavy door that Thor had shown you through two months prior to propose to you out here, you smile at the sight of the only person who hates it when you don't wear a dress, or at the very least a skirt.
This isn't of course because he wants to have you he all wrapped up in tight dresses and uncomfortable, but rather it makes certain activities just a little more difficult in rushed moments.
Thor's smile widens as he spots you, shutting the door behind you before you put your hands behind your back.
"There you are, I've been looking for you," Thor says.
He looks so good in dark jeans and a slightly loose tan t-shirt. The round neck gives just the slightest peek at his trapezius and you force yourself to keep your eyes on his beautiful face instead of the way his biceps strain against his sleeves.
Fuck he looks good.
"Looks like you've found me. What did you need?"
"Where were you?" He wonders, putting his own hands behind his back to copy your stance.
"Is it curiosity, suspicion, or control making you ask?"
"Interest. And because I missed you and if I have an hour free again, I'd like to spend it with you."
Damn him.
"Well, shoot," you scoff.
He quirks his head inquisitively and you smile wide at the sight of your puppy. How can he be so damn hot and cute at the same time?
"That was the perfect response. But, an hour?" Quick glance down at your watch reveals it's too early for lunch. "I thought we were meeting for lunch at eleven?"
Thor’s smile falters and he nods slowly, looking at your collarbone instead of your eyes.
"About that…"
"Oh, shit. What?"
"I'm leaving in about twenty minutes," Thor confesses, bringing his hands back to his front to fidget.
"Twenty minutes? But you said an hour!"
"And I spent forty minutes looking for you, cherub. That leaves me with twenty."
He closes the distance between you, tracing the length of your arms to your wrists and then pulls your hands out from behind your back.
"And leaving? Where are you going?"
The pout that overtakes you feels inevitable. You can't even attempt to hide it.
"The Warriors Three have reported in. Sif says that they are ready for inspection so I must go and see each outpost's condition before I can deem them proper watch towers to guard against the threat that Loki has foreseen.
"Heimdall says he is in agreement. Whatever it is that is coming, it's hiding itself from his sight which should be impossible. I must go, love. I'm sorry."
He really does sound and look apologetic too.
"And...I won't be home until possibly very late. Nearly morning I think," he tells you, voice low.
For two long moments the two of you stand there, minds whirring until they both reach the same realization.
It's Thor that voices it first and he nearly kills you with how much you want to swoon, "You know, this will be the first night since we've been engaged that I won't be sleeping beside you."
Your pout only grows more pronounced.
"Will you be lonely without me?"
All of the insecurities he's felt since marrying suddenly come pouring out of him in that one singular question and you can suddenly see all of the fear and strife he has been dealing with since he chose to marry you.
Like you, he's been wondering whether you're happy in your new married life. He's been worried about you in your role as Queen but worried for you, not whether you can do the job as you have been fretting.
You sigh, a heavy release of your own tension, "Oh, Thor…"
Hooking your hand behind his neck you pull him down until you can kiss him.
His response is ready, eager. Hands funding your hips as he pushes you back until you're shoved into the small space between one pillar and the wall it supports.
You're both very aware of the loss of activity this night will also bring, but maybe a rest is due.
Pulling back, you place your hands on his chest and give him a little push. He stops his kissing, licking his lips as he leans back to fix you with his star-eyed gaze.
"Maybe this is a good thing? We've been trying so hard to get pregnant for two months and my last test was negative. Maybe what we need is a break?"
Thor blinks, considering your words but then he shakes his head.
"Is that the only reason you've been laying with me night after night? To be with child?"
He almost sounds hurt by the idea and you hurry to reassure him.
"No! Of course not, Thor. I...being with you intimately is one of the best things about my adult life that I never knew I wanted or needed. It feel so good to be with you. Sometimes I can't believe that you want me.
"You're this perfect God, desired by millions. Billions even. And I'm-"
"Let me stop you there, cherub. If you are ever in any doubt as to how you affect me-mind, body, and soul-" He reaches down between your bodies, unbuttons his jeans and lowers his zipper.
"Thor!" You gasp quietly, peeking around at both ends of the long secluded hallway.
"No one will see us," he whispers, seductive and deep.
He's right though. Especially here where the pillar meets the wall, a tight corner where he's got you trapped. Right where you want to be.
He takes your hand and pushes his pants down a bit until he's exposed, erect, and throbbing.
As you wrap your fingers around him, he purrs and after another lick of his lips, he flies into a frenzy that you match with your own fervor.
It has to happen fast and before you know it he's inside, thrusting up into you as he holds your right leg up around his waist.
Neither of you have any words, only heavy breathing. A gasp. A grunt. Mewling moans that rise from your throat which he quickly silences with a finger pressed gently to your lips.
"Shh, my cherub," he urges.
Even if no one ever comes down here. The sound of the Queen making these noises would surely draw someone's attention.
"I'm coming…" you whimper, hands vices around the fabric of his shirt.
Thor groans again then mashes his lips against your own, thrusting faster and smoother. Like silk on skin he fills you up and as you grip his cock, twitching around him, he empties into you.
He coats you with his heat, caressing the curves of your body as he continues to kiss you with slow and deliberate passion.
"We aren't missing a day," he declares.
As the two of you recover, a voice from the far end of the hall interrupts.
"Thor, we must go if you're to be back by morning."
For a moment your heart leaps into your throat. Loki’s voice is knowing. He clearly gets what you two were doing.
You peek over Thor’s shoulder but don't see Loki anywhere. He's got the sense to give you two your privacy and stay out of sight.
"I'll be right there," Thor says, leaning in to kiss your lips slow. "Don't worry, he's discreet."
Thor helps you get dressed again, blocking your body from sight even though he knows no one is looking.
When you're both decent again, he takes your arm in his and leads you out into the main hall where Loki stands by the large doors pacing.
As he spots the two of you, he gives no indication that he heard or saw any of what happened down in the garden hallway.
"You two look...refreshed," Loki says pointedly.
"Brother, do not tease Her Majesty the Queen. She's already fretting."
Thor adjusts his arm to wrap around your shoulder and gives you a quick squeeze as you glare at Loki.
"Of course, you're right. I'm sorry, Y/N."
Loki gives you quick polite bow, then a mischievous smile curls his lips and you can see the trickster God peek through.
“I am a most avid supporter of my monarchs doing what they can to provide the kingdom with an heir, and if there is any way that I can help, I would be happy to lend my assistance.”
“Watch it, Loki,” Thor warns, only half heartedly but with the punch of genuine jealousy.
You haven’t really questioned lately whether you’re Thor’s because you are. No doubt in your mind. He has you wrapped around his finger. Hearing him assert that claim, the one on your heart and body--it drives shivers up your spine and you suddenly want him back home from his trip already.
“I only meant that I am glad to make excuses if you two wish to escape for a few hours a day,” Loki clarifies. “What did you think I meant?”
He’s teasing Thor, you can see it. That playful jabbing is routine and you’ve seen him do it before but you were never the tool for his poking at Thor.
“I’ll wait out front,” Loki takes his leave, shutting the large doors to the front hall with ease.
Without a word, Thor pulls you into his arms. He embraces you tightly, sighing heavily and you shut your eyes at the feel of his body wrapped around yours.
You can’t remember ever feeling so happy. So, safe? There’s something in the way it feels to have his large arms around you, a weight pressed to you but not down on you.
He’s not suffocating you or oppressing you. He’s supporting you, ducking down a little to get a better hold of you. He presses his nose against your hair and breathes in deeply.
It could just be a sigh, but if he’s anything like you, he might be trying to memorize your scent.
As your own nose is pressed into the crook of his neck, you let his own wash over you.
His unique smell brings to mind a dark cloudy sky, a field of soft overgrown grass swaying in an endless cool wind. The scent of freshly sodden earth. It’s rain and nature, with the briefest sting of ozone as the sky lights up with his immeasurably powerful lightning.
All of that runs in him and you can’t believe that you’re lucky enough to be here holding him close.
“I will be as quick as I can be,” he says, deep tone settling in your chest.
“I wish you were back already.”
You can hear him laugh, just a small huff of air before he kisses the side of your head.
“You will be so busy with the park and then so exhausted you will pass out before you even have time to miss me.”
“I miss you already, doof,” you sigh.
“Will you promise me something?” he asks, pushing you back to meet your eyes.
“Anything,” you promise.
“Will you stay in the palace for me? I-I know that you were supposed to go down to the park to walk the new pathways and tree markers but I would feel much better about leaving you if I know that you’ll be here, safe.”
“You said there was nothing about this threat to worry about?”
Suddenly, a fear begins to grow in your belly. It twists it in knots and makes you nervous. Like if your marriage and all of this confidence you’ve found in yourself as Queen of New Asgard has been snuffed out, you feel like the nobody who sat in her room writing stories of lives you would never live.
“There isn’t, cherub. Not that we can tell. But we don’t understand it. With Stark and Banner having had delays in coming to install their extra measures of security, I was hoping that this inspection could wait until they had finished whatever business it was that drew them to Wakanda, but Steve says he is not sure how long they will be there.
“And until they can come, I--I cannot stand the thought of something happening to you, that’s all.”
Thor hooks his hand behind your neck, caressing your cheek as he ducks his head and gives you a reassuring smile.
Inside you’re at war with yourself. On the one hand, if he’s this scared, this threat is more serious than any of them are making this out to be.
On the other hand, Thor is so convincing in his words. You can clearly see the worry he has for you, for your safety. The tight hand on your hip tells you that he does indeed have some fear, but his gaze tells you that his favor is for his peace of mind.
So, you nod.
“Yes,” you give in. “I’ll stay here. I can work on the plans from my room and I have a lot of studying to do about the Valkyrie anyway.”
“Thank you,” Thor physically relaxes, his shoulders falling as a teeny bit of weight comes off them. “I will be as quick as I can be and then I will be here with you again and we can resume trying for that baby.”
“Thor about that,” you begin, licking your lips and wondering if he’ll even understand where you’re coming from. “I think maybe-?”
“Thor, I’m really very sorry. Y/N, if we don’t leave now we might have to extend the inspections until the day after tomorrow. Volstagg has to leave the planet for a short visit with his kin and cannot miss his window to do so.”
Thor stands taller, disapproving of the interruption, but he knows better and he leans down to kiss you.
“Can we continue this conversation when I return?”
You kiss him back as he leans down for another and nod when he pulls away, “Of course, Thor. Go. Hurry back.”
He gives you one more kiss, this one lingering before he presses in on your lips a little harder as if it pains him to pull away, then marches out the door without another look back.
The heavy doors close with a loud clatter and you’re left in the empty hall feeling strangely out of place.
You take your time getting up to your room. The bed looks huge without Thor sitting on its edge, pulling his shoes on in the morning with a groan of complaint at having to leave you so early.
His mornings are always full of rolling back into bed to cuddle you for a few more minutes before he has to go.
This morning feels like ages ago and maybe it’s because this really is the first time the two of you have been separated since before your wedding, but you miss him so much already and it’s only been minutes.
There’s a rush of air from the balcony, so strong it pulls your attention, but the smell that entices you has you running for the open door.
Through the rippling flowing curtains you see Thor in full armor, gold and black, his right hand wrapped around his hammer.
He opens his left arm for you as you reach him, pulling you right up against his body as he meets your lips sweetly.
“Mmm,” he mumbles.
“Why are you here? You’re supposed to be gone!”
You gasp, hands pressed to his chest as your heart pounds hard.
“Just one more kiss,” he simpers. “This is truly much harder than I thought it would be.”
“It’s only a few hours,” you tease, but you’re so ecstatic that you weren’t the only one feeling that ache.
“Too many,” Thor sighs.
“Then kiss me, and go. The sooner you’re gone the sooner you’ll be back.”
He obeys, and kisses you only less sweetly and with the passion to leave you wanting more.
He leaves you in a second rush of air leaving the smell of coming rain in his wake.
“Well, that was dramatic.” A voice interrupts from within your room. “You’d think he was going off to war.”
Moving inside, you find Hilde strewn across the chaise at the end of your bed, crystal bottle sloshing with brown liquid in her hand.
“Give us a break, it’s been nearly two and a half months since we’ve been separated.”
“Two and a half months is but a split second in time for us,” Hilde explains.
Her words give you pause and then the ache in your heart is hard to keep from spilling onto your face.
Hilde notices and quickly sits back up, “Your Majesty, I didn’t meant-”
“It’s alright. Really. It’s okay.”
With a quick smile at her you move to sit at your desk and put your feeble mortality out of your mind.
It’s not something you like to think on, and you’ve been good at forgetting about not only the significant age difference between you and Thor but also how fast you’ll age in your marriage and Thor will pretty much look the same as he does now.
Pulling over the large binder with the park plans, you reach for your phone to dial up Edgar, New Asgard’s senior construction manager and explain to him that you won’t be making your appointment for that afternoon.
“Good morning, Edgar. Yes, I’m doing well, thanks. I just wanted to give you a heads up that I won’t be able to walk the park today. Yeah. Thor has gone with Loki to attend to some things and won’t be back until early in the morning and I’ve had to take over a few things here in the palace. I’m so sorry, I hope you can forgive me.”
Edgar is all politeness and eagerness to please you and Thor. Like the rest of his people, they look up to the God of Thunder and for some reason, they’ve accepted you into their hearts openly.
“We should reschedule. Let me know when you can walk the grounds with me and I’ll-” You stop and listen to him assure you that he’s available at your convenience. “I appreciate that. I’ll give you a call tomorrow and we can set something up for later this week. Thank you, Edgar. Okay, bye.”
“It’s really not necessary to call him and tell him all that, you know? Just tell him you want to reschedule and he’ll do what you want.”
“I know, but that feels weird to do. I can’t just order him around. What if he had something special to do later in the week and me moving the appointment affects that?”
You throw open the binder and the map of the planned park. Already you and Edgar have marked it all up with red scribbles where things would need to be changed. You’d wanted a man made lake in the center, but you’ll have to settle for a small pond in one of the corners until more land can be leveled for a lake.
Several of the trees you’d wanted are not available so you’ve had to get new ones there too.
Every bit of this park has been selected by you from the type of grass, the stones in the pathways, to the wildflowers planted in the flower beds.
The responsibility of giving your people a space that they can love and appreciate stresses you out from time to time though you’ve pretty much accepted the weight of your crown.
Without another word, you go to work and Hilde, who you assume is here to be your personal bodyguard while Thor is out, gets up and presses a small button hidden underneath a small steel panel the size of Thor’s large palm.
She moves back over to the small breakfast table where you and Thor enjoy your first meal of the day in private, and sits back to wait patiently. Her bottle with drink has been abandoned on the chaise, now empty.
As your mind begins to focus on your work, you register Hilde telling Estrid to send for food and drinks.
“And make sure they bring her Majesty’s favorite snacks so that she can eat while she works. I’m sure she’s been neglecting her meals all day,” Hilde knows.
Time passes without you realizing and you do appreciate the small munchies that are brought and placed on the edge of the desk.
You eat without thinking and soon the plate is empty, wrappers littering the top right corner of your workspace as well as the floor below.
“Shit, what time is it?” You crane your neck around to look for Hilde and find the room empty.
Pulling your phone close you click the screen on to see that it’s just before dinner and Hilde is probably waiting for you down in the dining room.
You don’t bother changing much of your clothes. You slip out of your jeans and shirt and quickly pull a simple cotton dress on.
It’s customary to dress up for dinner a bit but without Thor here, you put in minimal effort and the burnt orange cotton dress is relaxed enough to let you breathe but nice looking enough to be presentable.
You’re tying the sash around your waist to heighten your curves as you make your way down the two floors to the dining room and fixing the wrists of your long loose cinched sleeves when you reach the hallway and look up only to gasp as Hilde stops right in front of you looking frazzled.
“Hey, what-?”
“I need you to know that he didn’t know about this. If he did, he would have warned you-us. I also don’t think he thought he’d be out when they came.”
She’s so stressed that you reach out to grab hold of her arms and smile through your confusion.
“Hilde, what are you talking about? Who’s here?”
You receive your answer only too quickly, “Is that you, Cherub? Queen of New Asgard?”
The snark is brief but familiar and you don’t need further explanation to know who you’ll see behind Hilde.
She steps aside to reveal Tony Stark, moving towards you a few steps until he’s standing right in front of you.
He bows.
“Oh, shit, please don’t do that,” you gasp, embarrassed.
Tony smirks, “Gotta follow the rules, Your Majesty.”
“Please, Tony. Just my name is fine,” you plead. “Really, I can’t bear anything else.”
“Queen’s orders?” he teases.
You genuinely chuckle, rolling your eyes before finally noticing his extended hand. Taking it, he lifts it to his lips to give you a quick polite kiss, then gently drops it.
“Thor wasn’t expecting you for another few weeks. Wasn’t there a mission? It was going to take a while?”
“My fault,” Bruce’s voice interjects.
Tony steps aside and you smile as your eyes find Bruce. He walks towards you both with his head slightly ducked, his hands held together at his front as he moves towards you nervously, wringing them.
“I kind of Hulked out and might have single handedly taken out the guys patrolling the building we were trying to get into. And then broke in through a wall and started a fire. And then sat on the mainframe of their computer system and lost us all the data we were trying to steal in the first place which cut our mission short by a few weeks.”
Bruce extends his hand and you take it, all too happy to see him again.
You’re halfway to a laugh at the chaos he seems to have caused when you notice a small head of swaying hair behind him. As your chuckle is caught in your throat, you freeze mid handshake, heart stuttering as those pretty brown eyes that have plagued a few of your nightmares meet yours.
“Jane…” you quietly gasp.
“Remember what I said?” Hilde asks, moving to stand by you.
“Oh, um…” Tony points at Jane as Bruce releases your hand and moves aside to give you full view of the pretty brunette dressed in a semi-formal pantsuit complete with thick jacket to combat the Norwegian temperatures that press in on the warmth of any home after the sun sets.
Jane is quick to give you a much better curtsy than she did the first time and then hesitantly offers you her hand, “Hello again, Your Majesty.”
“Jane has something to show Thor and well, you. Where is he, by the way?” Tony asks, giving the hallway a complete turn to see if he can spot Thor hiding behind some chair or doorway.
“Just, my name, please,” you tell Jane, giving her your hand and fighting the urge to run and shove your face into a pillow to scream in order to focus on the stronger urge of finding out why your husband’s ex-lover came all the way to your home to see him. “Thor’s out. He and Loki have gone to meet with Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun, and Sif to see how far along the outposts are.
“Does your visit have to do with the threat?” You turn back to Jane and slowly take your hand back.
“I’d really like to talk about it with both of you, if you don’t mind?” Jane explains.
“Listen,” Hilde begins, but you shake your head just a teeny bit and she stops and shuts her mouth.
“Okay, that’s fine. He won’t be back until tomorrow morning at the earliest, so join us for dinner?” With a gesture at the doors to your right, Estrid throws them open and inside is waiting a modest but still lavish feast compared to most dinners in common households. There are three main courses to choose from as well as plenty of sides to give the most picky eater options.
Even though there is plenty of food, they’re simple foods. Roast chicken, sandwiches, salad, soup, bread, rice, potatoes, and other vegetables. Lots of it, but plainly prepared.
Hilde had known you wouldn’t even really be tasting your food with Thor gone and now, you doubt you can find your appetite again to consume anything.
“Nice spread,” Tony admires, but he holds out his elbow for you and you take it.
He escorts you to your usual seat by Thor’s at the end, then pulls it out for you and as the others take to standing behind their own seats--Hilde across from you and the others wherever they’d like--they wait until you take yours before they even attempt to pull their own out.
As several younger looking men and women move in with pitches of ale and wine and water, you catch Estrid’s gaze as she whispers instructions to a much younger looking girl with very curly dark hair.
The young girl rushes off when Estrid sees you need her and gives her a small push and a quick word.
“Yes, Your Majesty?” Estrid asks, stopping beside you and silencing the others as they had begun to dig in and chatter pleasantly.
“Have three rooms made up for our guests? Make sure they want for nothing while they’re here, alright? The best rooms for Thor’s close friends.”
“Yeah, I’ll take the suite,” Tony teases, and Estrid looks flustered for a moment before she realizes that he’s joking and then with a kind and surprised smile, she gives you a curtsy and then rushes off to do as she’s been asked.
“I’m sorry if the food isn’t more…” You can’t find the word to convey what you want to say, so you leave the sentence hanging there. “If I’d known you were coming, I’d have had Cook prepare you something nicer.”
“Oh, this is wonderful,” Bruce assures you, lifting his fork laden with broccoli and chicken.
He nods and smiles, then shoves the forkful into his mouth.
“Yeah, this is good,” Tony nods, using your name which gives you a strange sense of acceptance.
It’s casual, the way he says it. It’s like he really has welcomed you into his circle after your visit with them during your honeymoon.
“We can’t all have lobster every night. Bruce is allergic.”
“What?” Bruce asks, slightly stunned. “Me? I’m not…”
“Aren’t you?” Tony asks.
“No,” Bruce shakes his head, flabbergasted.
“How come you didn’t want to eat those Lobsters on Fourth of July then?” Tony demands, dropping his hand so that his fork clinks against the side of his plate.
He’s starting to look upset.
“You bought the box off some guy standing at the mouth of the alley where we were catching arms smugglers!”
“What’s your point?” Tony demands.
As their banter flows, you keep a pleasant and appropriately amused smile trained on the pair of them but you have one eye fixed on Jane and carefully you take a few hurried looks at her. Admiring the way her hair falls softly against her shoulders and the way she eats with poise and why the hell did she have to come in person?
Hasn’t she ever heard of fucking e-mail?!
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ijustwant2write · 4 years
Text
What’s Wrong With Being Confident?-Fred Weasley x Reader
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(GIF credit to @hermoinejeans​)
Tags: @wand3ringr0s3​​ @amirahiddleston​ @bloodorangemoonlight​ 
Requested by anonymous: ‘Fred Weasley x Chubby!Reader?? 🥺💖😭’
Characters: Fred Weasley x Reader
Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name
Warnings: Negative talk about weight/shape/bodies, insecurities, bullying, swearing, fluff, body positivity
(A/N: Chloe is a made up character)
                                         *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“Found your dress for the Yule Ball yet?” my friend asked as we made our way to the Great Hall for dinner.
“Yes! My mum got it delivered to me. I’ll try it on later and show you, it’s actually stunning!” I beamed.
“Yay! Shall we try out hairstyles too?”
“Oh yes! That’s such a good idea!”
We sat on the benches, starting to talk to our other friends about the same topic. We were all giddy about it, I had been the only one asked out so far, but that’s because it was inevitable that I was going to go with my boyfriend. It was still early, we had a while before the ball was here, the girls had time (even though they were stressing). We started other conversations as we ate, but soon came back to the topic of dates for the Yule Ball.
“(Y/N), you’re so lucky that you have Fred.”
“Yeah, I am.” I blushed.“He’s been secretly cute about the whole thing. He’s even going to try and get a bow tie the same colour as my dress!”
“A dress that you won’t be able to fit into.” someone mumbled loud enough behind me.
I rolled my eyes, turning around to see who it was. Oh, of course it was Chloe. A fellow student in the same year as me, a Ravenclaw, who tormented me since our first class together. She was very offended by my appearance, always wanting to make a comment. Like any other teenager, I used to be very conscious about how I looked, and that I was slightly...bigger than the other girls. But when I realised that how I looked didn’t effect finding friends or doing well in school, I forgot about it. I liked how I looked, my friends always hyped me up, and I had a gorgeous, caring (if not cheeky) boyfriend; Fred had admitted that my confidence was very attractive to him. And that pissed off Chloe to no end, especially after she had pined after him for so long. 
“As usual Chloe, if have something to say about me, say it to my face.”
She flipped her hair as she faced me, her upper lip curled up.“I’m just stating the truth.”
“No, you’re being a bully for no reason.”
“A bully? What are we, five?”
“Your mentality would say so, yes.”
She scoffed.“Stop living in your fantasy world (Y/N). I saw you open that dress when it got delivered, you’re delusional if you think that would fit you.”
“Funnily enough Chloe, it was made to measure.”
“Might want to measure again, especially if you keep eating like that everyday.”
I glanced at my plate. It really didn’t have that much on it.“What do you gain from this? I’m sorry if this somehow makes you feel better about yourself.”
“What? Don’t be sorry! I...I do it because...because-”
“That’s what I thought, have a nice dinner Chloe.”
Swiveling back round, my friends stifled their giggles. They had always stood up for me, but also knew that I was able to fight my own battles. It didn’t hurt so much anymore, it was more annoying. I just knew every time someone had something nice to say to me, or even if I looked like I had a stride in my step, Chloe would somehow appear and try to bring me down. Wasn’t it exhausting being mean to people day in and out? Just let people be and get on with your life. 
“Heard you talking about a certain dress?” Fred suddenly said behind me as I left the Great Hall after dinner.
I jumped, giggling as he grabbed my hand to walk with me.“Eavesdropping on me now?”
“Nah, you’ve all got big gobs.”
I gasped, but laughed along with him.
“When can I see it?”
“On the day of the ball.”
He whined.“Why?”
“Because I want it to be a surprise.”
“But you’ll still look just as beautiful in it on the day, so you could still show me!”
“Fred Weasley, you may be a smooth talker and an outrageous flirt, but it won’t work on me.”
“Oh really?” he smirked, pulling me into him by my robes, before hiding us behind a column from anyone who could walk by. Luckily, the corridors were empty this way, everyone was headed in opposite directions.
Giggling together, he pushed his body close to mine, leaning down to kiss me. His hands slipped under my robe and around my waist, my hands cupping his face. Although we were in a lot of classes together, and we studied together as much as possible, we hadn’t had a lot of quality time together. If a professor saw, of course we would get a slight telling off, but we didn’t care in that moment. Nothing could interrupt the passion...until she came along again.
Chloe scoffed.“We get it, he’s not made up.”
We broke apart, both of our faces showing frustration. Fred whispered to me,“Don’t retaliate, just ignore her.”
He kissed me again, but if didn’t seem that she was leaving. Two of her friends had began walking away, obviously feeling awkward that we were continuing with our make-out. Gently pushing Fred away, I checked over his shoulder, sensing that she was still there.
“You get off on this sort of thing?” I snapped. 
“(Y/N)...” Fred tried to stop a fight breaking out.
“Just think it’s funny that you show off all this PDA to ensure everyone knows about your boyfriend.” Chloe crossed her arms over her chest. 
“Come on Chlo, let’s just leave them.” a friend of hers tried to convince her.
“Maybe we’re doing this because we love each other? That’s what couples do, Chloe, not that I’d expect you to understand.”
Fred sighed.“OK (Y/N), let’s not-”
“No, don’t tell me to stop! She’s been doing this to me since we started at Hogwarts, I’m allowed to jab back at her!”
“Alright!” he defended himself.
“Chloe, I don’t want to deal with you right now. I’m trying to spend time with Fred.”
She was furious, nostrils flaring, eyebrows furrowed together, lips slightly parted as she thought of her next quip. Nothing came out, and her friends called her one last time, tugging on her sleeve to get her to move. Chloe snatched away her arm, storming away, her friends scurrying after. 
“I’m sorry.” I said to Fred.“I just...I ignore her all the time, you know that. She’s so weird!”
“I know.” he pecked me on the lips.“But you’ve always been able to brush it off, what happened then?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because we’re coming to our last years and it’s never stopped. It doesn’t upset me, but it’s almost like she’s nagging now. Like, just move on with your life, we probably won’t ever see each other again once we finish school.”
“Well, just focus on that then. You stand above it, like you always do, keep doing amazing in classes, and we’ll be out of here in no time.”
I grinned, squeezing his hands.“And we’ll do all the things we said we’d do when we leave?” 
He chuckled.“Of course.”
It was the night of the ball, and so much had happened since my confrontation with Chloe. The first task had passed (whoever thought about sending school children into the fiery trap of a dragon, whilst trying to retrieve a dragon egg was a psycho), meaning everyone was now focused on the Yule Ball, and not their friends potentially dying. 
In our dorms, us girls all got ready together, constantly laughing and asking each other for opinions on hair, makeup and jewellery. Everyone ‘awed’ at each other once we were all dressed and ready, heading to the ball to meet our dates. As we laughed over hoe the boys had looked at the dance rehearsal, we realised we were almost there. I suddenly became nervous. Fred had never seen me dressed up like this. I loved how I looked, but I hoped that it wasn’t too much, like I had tried too hard, or that I didn’t look like myself.
There he was, stood in his suit, a stupid grin on his face. I smiled widely, heart melting at how handsome he looked. George tapped him on the shoulder, making him turn around to properly face me, where his mouth dropped open. I ducked my head in embarrassment, becoming all shy until I realised he was making his way towards me. His mouth stayed open as he slowly walked around me.
“Fred!” I nervously laughed.
“You look...you look stunning (Y/N). I...I don’t know what else to say, you look amazing!” he seemed genuinely shocked. 
“Thank you babe. You look so handsome, you should wear suits more often!” I exclaimed.
“I will not stop complimenting you all night.”
“You’re going to make me blush, I’ll look like a tomato.”
“A cute tomato. Come on, let’s show this lot how this stupid dance is done.”
As suspected, I had a phenomenal time at the ball. Fred kept on waltzing around with me, twirling me at any possible moment, and I was able to dance with my friends (and by dance, I mean jump up and down to the music whilst screaming the words). I received compliments from my boyfriend, friends and classmates, of course, giving them back. It was a great way to let off some steam, to escape school life for a night. Until I spotted Chloe sitting by herself.
I sighed to myself, wondering whether to approach her. A cruel part of me enjoyed seeing her like that, perhaps she was being put in her place. However, I knew I shouldn’t be thinking like that, it would only make me sink down to her level. Excusing myself from the group, I could feel them watching as I walked towards her. Chloe glanced up at me, angling her body away from me as she realised what was about to happen.
“Having your chance of jabbing me again?” she huffed as I stopped in front of her. 
I shook my head.“No, I had my moment before. I was just...I was just wondering what you’re doing over here by yourself.”
“Like you care. You’re just going to get the gossip and make fun of me to everyone else.”
I raised an eyebrow at her.“Not nice, is it?”
She rolled her eyes.“No, I guess not.”
“So...what happened?”
“I have a date. But he’s too busy head banging with his friends. Before that, he was still with them talking non-stop about their next quidditch match. I had one dance with him. That’s it.”
“What about your friends?”
“They’re with their dates. I felt like I was third wheeling without my date being there.”
“Well,” I glanced back to my friends,“I know we’ve never seen eye to eye, but do you want to hang with us?”
“Is this a prank that you and Fred came up with?”
“No. I’m just being nice. i don’t know why.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
“I just....I just want us to stop this. I want you to stop commenting on my appearance or what I’m doing. One, it’s a form of bullying, and two, it’s just annoying at this point.”
“Hey, (Y/N), you OK?” Fred asked as he stood beside me.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I smiled at him.“I was just about to ask Chloe here why she’s tormented me all these years.”
“You know why.” she huffed.
“I’ve only been dating Fred for the last two years. It can’t just be that because you’ve been like this since our first year.”
“I was a bitch, alright? I am a bitch, I know. I dunno, you were an easy target, and then when you became confident, it pissed me off. Everyone still liked you despite how you looked. Then you got a boyfriend before I did and I found it embarrassing.”
Fred walked away, and I found that confusing, but didn’t question it; I was too busy with Chloe.“I think you’ve wasted all these years putting too much energy into being negative and mean. I’m happy how I am. It’s great being this confident. I have a group of amazing friends, the best boyfriend in the whole world and I’m doing good at school. The fact that I love myself is an added bonus, because we shouldn’t be so focused on how we look. Wow, that felt good to say.”
And just like that, Fred was back, along with Chloe’s date.“What have you got to say mate?”
He nudged him forward.“I’m sorry that I left you Chloe. You want to dance?”
A small smile appeared on her face (couldn’t say the same for her date). She took his hand and they quickly left, leaving Fred and I alone again.
“I’m sorry, I just didn’t want her hanging with us.” Fred explained.
“That’s OK. I said what I wanted to say.”
He slipped an arm round my waist, kissing me on the forehead.“So? Did she apologise?”
“Of course not. But I let her know that I was extremely happy with my life and she couldn’t do anything to bring me down.”
“That’s my girl. I love you so much.”
“I love you too.”
“Let’s go dance again. I want to see you spinning around in that dress all through the night.”
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depressedacadamia · 3 years
Text
A kiss would be nice
Summary: Magnus develops feelings for his roomate and has no idea what to do; when theres' some serious miscommunication, Alex and Magnus have to solve an obvious problem.
Pairing:  Fierrochase
A/N: THIS WAS MY FIRST EVER REQUEST!!!!  I swear I'm gonna organise my Masterlist on tumblr coz its a hot mess rn and then I will get a prompt list up. Anyway, I hope this lives up to the expectations of the request- enjoy and comment!
Read on A03        M;List
Magnus liked Alex.
How exactly was he meant to process this?
Yes. Alex was sometimes a girl and other times a boy but what did it make him?
He could remember the moment Alex came floundering into his life, confident about who she was and Magnus could only think about how much he didn't know about himself. It was ridiculous, in his opinion, to think that he fundamentally changed as a person just because he liked someone.
So why did he feel so scared to come to that conclusion that he did in fact like Alex?
“What are you thinking so hard about over there, pretty boy?” Alex asked dryly as he scrolled through his phone while he dangled off the top bunk of their dormitory. Startled, Magnus snapped his head towards Alex and with no game whatsoever stuttered a terrible lie.
“Uh- Uh, nothing.”
“Uhu,” Alex emphasised. “ So that totally wasn't a lie.”
“Yes, Wait, I mean no- wait,” Magnus stuttered out again, his hands beginning to fidget and his palms becoming sweaty.
Alex simply raised an eyebrow before softly sighing and returning to his phone scrolling. He knew that Magnus wasn't the kind to keep secrets in a malicious manner- if he wasn't spilling something, it was because he didn't feel comfortable and Alex knew as well as anyone else that if Magnus was uncomfortable, nothing was spilling from his lips.
Clenching his fists in finality, Magnus got up, accidentally banging the top of his head on the top bunk above him where Alex was elegantly dangling off, his hair defying the laws of gravity by maintaining its rightful position on his head. He rubbed his head, swore under his breath and continued to make a bashful exit from the dorm room.
Alex could tell that something was definitely up.
Sure, Magnus was weird- he sometimes came back home at incredibly odd hours, always seemed relatively silent when one were to ask him where he had been and he almost always wore his lengthy blonde hair in a way that covered the majority of his face; in fact, Alex had thought about tilting his chin up just so he could get a better view of his elegant features.
So what exactly was it causing his roommate to act so oddly?
Magnus was in the bathroom. In fact he was hiding out in one of the stalls, trying his best to avud Alex at all costs. What had started out as a way to skip the horribly boring parts of his classes, now became a full blown ritual in which he would run away to his favourite bathroom stall- the one by the very end, next to the hand blow dryers, were his favourite but also alarmed him because it was there where he could hear whether anybody really washed their hands and there was an alarming amount of evidence which contradicted so.
He would take a book or sometimes just plug in his earphones to listen to music as he essentially hid out in the stall. Sometimes, when he felt a bit more confident- and knew Alex would be off campus- Magnus would hide out in the library; a much more comfortable and all round better smelling place to read, study and or listen to music.
But now as he slowly emerged from the stall after hours of sitting, heading back towards his room, Magnus could only feel this inevitable feeling of impending doom. He had managed to distract himself from the Alex situation for so long and now, he was about to crumble.
It was only a matter of time.
“Magnus?” A familiar and - dare I even say- dreaded voice asked him.
Glancing through the blonde locks of hair which curtained his face, he caught a glimpse of familiar green hair which he had been avoiding.
“Huh?” He managed to mumble.
Alex frowned. “Don’t ‘huh’ me. Where have you been? I’ve been calling you all day.”
Magnus’s eyes widened- he had left his phone on silent as he didnt want to deal with others. “I-you did? Sorry.”
“That doesn't matter now. Where have you bee- actually nevermind that as well, come on, we need to get back, it’s already late and I know you have an early class tomorrow.”
Magnus hesitated.
Alex noticed. He refused to stay silent about the matter any longer.
“Okay. Spit it out. “
“What!” Magnus stammered. “ Spi- spit what? Spit wh- what out exactly?”
“The reason you’ve been avoiding me? Did I forget to do my chores or something? Or did I accidentally make some sort of mess of your stuff?”
“No- No, of course not!”
“So?”
Magnus found himself too enamoured with Alex’s features to respond. He could feel the bubble bath slowly overflowing inside his mind. What did it mean if he liked Alex? Was he now a completely different person? What did it matter if he liked Alex?
Wasn't he just like everybody else?
But Magnus’ mind told him that it was so obvious that Alex was in fact not like everybody else, otherwise why was it Alex whom he couldn’t keep his eyes off of? If Alex was so like everyone else, why was it his eyes that Magnus always wanted to stare at, why was it Alex’s hair that Magnus always wanted to ruffle or Alex’s hand that he always wanted to hold?
Why was it always Alex whom he wanted to hug when he was having a bad day?
So when he looked back at Alex, he felt the overwhelming need to throw himself and wrap his arms around Alex so tightly that Alex would have trouble breathing and then - in Magnus’s perfect world- Alex would also wrap his arms around Magnus and they would hold each other in their arms and stand their leaning on each other.
“Nothing,” Magnmus mumbled as he came back to reality.
He walked past Alex, eager to get back to their dorm and just sleep his feelings away- something he was used to doing thanks to his years of being homeless. He wasn’t about to escape when a slender hand wrapped itself around his wrist and dragged him backwards.
“No.” Alex huffed almost angrily. “You’re not running away from me,not again.”
Magnus could have sworn- looking back- that he may have let out a squeak.
“You are avoiding me Mister and I’d like to know why. It’s bad enough that you spend all your time hiding in the bathroom stalls, it’s even worse that you're doing it to avoid someone as fabulous as myself. So if we could quickly get this over with, It would be greatly appreciated and I’m sure it would relieve your nostrils as well.”
“I-”
“You…?”Alex prompted.
“Ilikeyou.”
Alex paused, scrunched up his nose before raising an eyebrow in ridicule and letting out a laugh. And while Magnus truly believed there was nothing more beautiful than Alex’s smile, right now, it was the most damning thing he had ever seen.
Of course Alex would be laughing! Who wouldn't be laughing if some weedy, shady blond kid confessed their feelings for them in the most pathetic way possible!
Magnus had no other choice but to clench his fists to resist the burning sensation gathering in his eyes as he turned on his heel and hurried back to his dorm.
He was curled up on his bed, binging criminal minds on his laptop because what else was meant to comfort you after getting rejected if it wasn’t watching people getting brutally murdered by psychopaths and sadists?
He was wrapped with this specific episode- involving a bunch of very explicit murder- when Alex snatched his headphones right off his head plopped himself in the computer chair that rested right next to the bottom bunk where Magnus had been hiding out.
He could feel himself paling as he remembered that he lived with Alex.
“We need to talk.”
What? He was so sick of Alex making every decision, afterall- it was Alex who chose to laugh at him.
“We have nothing to talk about,” Magnus managed to snap back.
“Why do you keep avoiding me? First in our own dorm, then in public and now you don't even want to look at me.”
“I’m sorry,” He retorted, his words coated with so much sarcasm, had there been anymore, he may have become Samirah at that very moment. “Was I expected to hang around after being ridiculed?”
“Ridiculed? What do you mea-”
“-What do I mean? I guess you wouldnt understand what it feels like for someone whom you really really like to outright just laugh at you after confessing. I guess you don't know how- how nerve racking and horrible it is to not feel comfortable and safe wherever you go. I guess you were privileged enough to not deal with doubting yourself with every decision you make and every thought you have!”
Alex started. “I-”
“-No. I’m not finished. Do you know how that made me feel?” Magnus was on a roll. “ Like shit. I felt shitty. I felt like shit and I was curled up like a bratty 5 year old and do you know what I’ve realised? I’ve realised that I have nob reason to feel shitty because I'm not the one who was so insecure in myself that I laughed at someone else who was struggling, esepcially when I rejected a hot piece of ass such as myself!” He finished his ramble with a shout, his chest heaving, cheeks flushed and somehow, his hair messy.
“So,” Alex drawled causally. “ Am I allowed to speak now?”
“No.”
Rolling his eyes, Alex sooke anyway. “ I’m sorry that you feel this way and I guess I can't change that I was the person who made you feel like- well, shit, but I have to say Beantown, you really shouldn't assume things so quickly.”
Magnus frowned, turning his shiny, glossy eyes towards Alex finally. “Huh?”
“Well. If you were to give me a chance to explain, I’d be able to tell you that I laughed because I thought you looked adorable. I would be able to tell you that I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings in any way and I’m very sorry if I did and…”
Alex held Magnus’ chin, pulling his head a bit down so he was able to fully look him in the eye rather than just looking away under Magnus’ chin, forcing him to look him in the eye.
“And…?” Magnus whispered hesitantly, almost afraid of the answer.
“And, I would be able to tell you that I like you.” Alex smiled dopily.
Did Magnus hear that correctly? Did Alex Fierro- the most confident, and in Magnus’s eyes, the most attractive person out there just admit to liking the scraggly kid who used to live on the streets?
“Excuse me?”
Aex sighed. “I said that I like you and your … What was it you said?” He paused for dramatic effect because lighting up his eyes. “ Oh yes and your ‘hot piece of ass’ I believe it was.”
Magnus cringed at his previous words as he started at Alex. Alex fierro liked him!
“What?” Alex smirked on noticing Magnus’s innocent stare.
“Can I try something?” Magnus tilted his head to the side innocently. Alex nodded.
Yes, please do try something, A kiss would be nice.
But to Alex’s surprise, he felt Magnus’s arms being wrapped around his body. It was an odd sensation that at first made Alex want to reel backwards.
But then this familiar ignition in his stomach tugged him back to wrap his arms back around Magnus and bury his face in Magnus’s chest, just about reaching his collarbone.
The hug was brief. Perhaps not even longer than 15 seconds at a maximum, but it was enough for Magnus to feel better.
Alex decided that perhaps next time Magnus would kiss him.
Super cool people Taglist: @wisegirl773 @ddepressedbookworm
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Text
Hunger
Summary: Spencer really likes his new coworkers: they're nice, welcoming, friendly, and made his transition to the BAU as easy as possible. Which makes it impossible for him to turn down an invitation to eat dinner with them at an upscale fancy restaurant, no matter how anxious that makes a boy who grew up with next to nothing feel.
Tags: insecurity, anxiety, allusions to poverty, hurt/comfort, team as family, angst with a happy ending, fluff, background jelle
TW: mentions of poverty, financial difficulties, and food insecurity
Pairing: Gen (Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid)
Word Count: 3k
Masterlist // Read on AO3 // Bad Things Happen Bingo
This fills my "trying not to cry" bad things happen bingo square and is set a few weeks after Spencer joins the BAU, in an AU in which Elle was there before him.
Everyone is so nice, is the thing.
And that’s great. Really, it is. Spencer isn’t about to complain when JJ kindly walks him through the filing system all the while asking questions about him and his life, or when Derek ribs him gently about his ducktail hair or his nerdy brain. No-one cuts him off when he gets carried away — unless it’s time-sensitive, of course — or teases him about anything that cuts too close to home. Being the new guy in the most prestigious unit in the FBI could’ve been a nightmare, but this team made it easy. He’s so grateful for all of it.
It just makes it really hard to turn down dinner invitations.
He watches his shaking fingers in the mirror as they button his shirt up and wrap his tie around his neck, poking it fastidiously under the collar, not a wrinkle of fabric out of place. He glances down at the countertop again, re-reading the restaurant name copied down in JJ’s careful handwriting onto a piece of copier paper regardless of having committed it to memory the first time he heard it. Sur la Rivière: a fancy European restaurant in DC.
He’d hoped for a cheap and cheerful Chinese when Hotch had first brought up the idea of a team bonding dinner, something more his style, but he’d smiled anyway when Elle had mentioned this place her foodie friend had recommended, no matter how strained it might have been. He’s the new guy after all. He doesn’t expect much swing when it comes to choosing where to eat.
As soon as his shirt and tie are perfectly in place, he gets to work on taming his curly hair. It makes him look younger when it’s loose and fluffy, and with a baby-face like his combined with already being the youngest person in the entire FBI, every year he can add on counts. Soon, though, there’s no more grooming he can use to stall the inevitable, and he sighs tiredly before clicking off the bathroom light and heading to the hall.
He collects his phone and wallet, checking for the sixth time that evening that his credit card and extra money to tip the waiter is definitely in there, grabs his keys, and heads out of his apartment. Derek is in his car waiting on the curb for him like he promised he would be, looking effortlessly suave and cool in a way Spencer never will as he honks his horn at the sight of the younger man walking towards him.
“Pretty boy!” he calls, his grin making Spencer smile, too. “Took you long enough. Hop in, fancy European cuisine awaits.”
Another rush of nerves floods Spencer’s stomach at the mention of the fate he’s signed up for, but he smiles anyway as he opens the passenger door and slides in. “Thanks for giving me a lift, Derek,” he says, hating that his anxious discomfort is so obvious in his voice.
Thankfully, Derek doesn’t pick him up on it, simply pulling away from the curb and beginning the drive across town. “How many times do I have to tell you not to mention it? I live less than ten minutes away, Spencer, it’s really not a problem.”
Spencer flushes a bit at that, wringing his hands in his lap as he watches the streets of his district pass by out the window. “Well, I appreciate it anyway,” he settles on, flashing Derek a quick smile that he doubts he sees anyway with his eyes glued so firmly to the road. “Riding the metro is a nightmare at this hour.”
“Never learned how to drive? I didn’t have the money for lessons, Spencer wants to say, irrationally frustrated at his situation. I was rushed through the academy too quickly to learn something as trivial as driving.
“I was too busy getting five degrees,” Spencer says instead, forcing a smile on his face. He wishes he wasn’t so well-practiced at managing other people’s emotions; wishes he could say what he’s really thinking. But he can’t, not in front of the people he’s trying to impress, not so soon.
“Alright, alright, I get it, you’re a genius,” Derek chuckles. “I’m glad you’re coming tonight, we all are. Gideon didn’t tell us much before he left, just that you had an IQ of 187 and he’d pulled a lot of strings to get you in at only 22.”
Spencer winces slightly at the mention of his ex-mentor. “Yeah, I’m sorry he ran out on you guys so suddenly.”
“Hey, from what I hear, he did the same to you,” Derek counters. “You guys seemed way closer than we were anyway. I never really liked the guy.”
As much as most of Spencer hates Gideon for abandoning him without warning, leaving him to find his footing in the FBI alone and afraid, a small part of him still itches to defend him. “He was a good mentor. Not such a good friend, as it turns out.”
Derek looks away from the road for a moment and shoots him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, man. But Gideon’s loss is our gain. You’re gonna be an amazing asset to the team, I just know it.”
A genuine smile crosses Spencer’s face at that. “Thanks, Derek. I can’t wait to really get stuck in, you know?”
“I remember the feeling.” Derek grins again.
They continue chatting for the rest of the journey, Spencer finally relaxing into the company of a new friend— that is, until Derek cuts across one of his stories from his second PhD. “Hey, the restaurant should be up on the left somewhere but I can’t see it…
“Oh, there,” Spencer says, pointing at the sleek, almost anonymous-looking black sign hanging above a set of fancy doors. How can doors be fancy? They’re supposed to be functional, not pretentious. All of a sudden that sinking feeling that had lifted on the car ride over settles back into his stomach and he can’t help but swallow nervously as Derek parks the car and they step out into the street.
Everyone’s already seated when they finally push through the restaurant doors, and Spencer hates that he made them both late with his apprehensive stalling, but no-one really seems to mind as they all cheer happily at the sight of them, ignoring the dirty looks it earns them from the other patrons.
“You made it!” Penelope squeals as she gets up from her seat to give Spencer a hug. He’s a little touch-averse, really, but something about Penelope’s hugs make him never want to leave her arms. He does anyway, though, and he and Derek find their seats opposite one another at the end of the table.
“I’m glad you’re here, Spencer,” Hotch says kindly as the waitress passes the two late-comers their menus.
“You’ll fit right in,” JJ promises, “we’re like a weird little family, to be honest.”
Spencer flushes a bit under the attention of so many experienced FBI agents, but he nods anyway before they all get started on deciding what to eat. He listens vaguely to everyone talking amongst themselves, giving one another suggestions in a way that corroborates JJ’s statement, and all of a sudden Spencer’s collar feels tight. It’s not just the nerves of meeting new people or the anxiety of an alien social environment, he realises he doesn’t recognise a single item on the menu.
He knows what the words themselves mean, but reading the words 'tortellini of venison’ and trying to imagine deer meat pasta is not easily done. The only simple meals seem to be seafood and Spencer’s never been a fan of fish. The only food he can even begin to imagine himself actually putting in his mouth, chewing, and swallowing is the porterhouse steak: not that he’s ever really eaten much red meat like that.
Spencer isn’t a fussy eater. He’s eaten a wide variety of dishes from any number of different restaurants across multiple cuisines, he’s just never had the kind of money to eat at a place that serves caviar, for God’s sake. Far too soon, the waitress wanders back over to the table, taking everyone’s orders with a polite smile on her face.
He listens as everyone confidently orders their meals: the smoked trout, the Moroccan quail, the lobster tagliatelle. Spencer thanks the heavens he isn’t a vegetarian, at least, but it’s not much of a consolation prize when everyone’s eyes fall on him.
“Uh, I’ll have the porterhouse steak,” he says uncertainly, hoping nobody notices the sweat beading on his forehead or the anxiety raging behind his eyes.
Everyone seems to accept his answer, the waitress taking their menus and walking back towards the kitchen as the rest of them resume their conversation. Hotch’s eyes linger a moment too long on him, and Spencer thinks he sees something like concern in his gaze, but before he can think much of it, Penelope’s drawing everyone’s attention to JJ’s bracelet.
“Can we please appreciate this?” she says, sounding scandalised for some reason Spencer can’t quite discern from context yet. “Elle, baby, you have taste. This is absolutely gorgeous! Are you sure you don’t want to date me, too?”
Spencer’s eyebrows raise slightly at that. “Oh, you two are together?” he asks, although now that he realises it he’s not sure how he didn’t notice sooner.
“Are you sure you’re a profiler, kid?” Derek laughs. “They don’t exactly hide it.
“Even though they’re supposed to,” Hotch chimes in with a faux stern look. “You two are gonna have my job at some point.” “Aw, but where would we find another Unit Chief that would help us hide our secret so well?” Elle says charmingly, making everyone laugh, including JJ, who presses her face into her shoulder fondly.
It’s easy for Spencer to momentarily lose himself in the banter, smiling as they tease one another, interspersing their gripes and funny stories from work among it all. They include him in all of it, and he doesn’t feel left out for even a second, finally relaxing into the unfamiliar environment of a fancy restaurant, eased by the reassuring company of his new team.
“JJ’s right,” he muses out loud when there’s a brief lull in conversation, “you guys really are like a little family.”
JJ leans away from Elle towards him for a moment, wrapping him in a side hug. “And you’re the perfect addition to it, Spence,” she says softly, everyone’s expressions reading nothing but fond agreement. “We needed a little brother to add into the mix.”
Spencer blushes again but leans into her touch.
No-one gets a chance to say anything else before the food arrives, the servers bringing JJ and Elle’s meals first, then serving Hotch and Penelope, before they finally bring out his and Derek’s order.
Everyone dives into their food, immediately making noises of contentment, passing bites around to one another, but Spencer can’t join in the jubilant celebration of a good meal. He picks his knife and fork up shakily as he stares at the massive portion of steak in front of him. It’s served with roast potatoes and flecks of a pointless salad that he suspects is only there as a garnish rather than actually part of the meal, but that’s not what has him worried.
This huge slab of meat hasn’t been sliced beforehand. He knows that he’ll shake the whole table if he tries to do it: it’s a massive, impenetrable slab of red meat that Spencer has no chance of enjoying, let alone finishing. He stares at it as tears burn in his eyes: he’s so out of his comfort zone and he’s so terrified of messing up and pushing away these newfound friends that he can’t move.
“Spence?” JJ cuts in gently, putting a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look up, only to find everyone looking at him with worried expressions on their faces. “Are you okay?”
“Sorry,” he says, standing up abruptly, the disturbance of the table barely registering in his brain. “I just need a minute.”
He rushes out of the restaurant without looking back, drawing in deep breaths as soon as he’s in the cool evening air of spring. Thoughts race through his mind at a million miles an hour as he grasps for something concrete to grab onto, eventually settling for a tall flower pot.
“Spencer?”
He looks up to find Hotch standing next to him, deep concern written across his face, and Spencer’s heart clenches at the thought that he’s already messed this up so quickly. Could this night possibly get any worse?
Apparently, it can, because all of a sudden he feels his face crumple and the stinging tears finally spill down his cheeks. He sinks down to the ground and buries his face in his hands, humiliation glimmering in every cell of his body.
“Oh, Spencer,” Hotch says gently, lowering himself to the cool pavement next to him and placing a warm hand on his back. He lets him cry it out for a couple of minutes, his palm drawing small circles in between his shoulder blades, trying again to get through to him when Spencer’s sobs calm down slightly. “You want to tell me what’s going on?”
With a shuddering breath, he forces himself to lift his face from his palms, although he still refuses to meet Hotch’s eyes, keeping his gaze fixed firmly on the Korean restaurant across the street. “I guess it just all got to be too much,” he whispers.
“Yeah?” Hotch says encouragingly. “What specifically?”
“I— I didn’t have much growing up. It was just me and my mom so we were living in the middle of Vegas on a single disability check each month. And, uh, then I went to college, and I was barely scraping by there, too. It’s only recently that I’ve known the luxury of knowing for sure I was eating that night, and it still gets to me sometimes when I’m faced with fancy restaurants and heavy, expensive meals. My body’s had to work for years on virtually nothing, there’s no way I can stomach a steak like that. I guess, all those feelings that are a lifetime in the making combined with the anxiety of eating with the team for the first time… wanting to make a good impression, it just all got too much. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”
Hotch raises a hand, and Spencer finally meets his eyes, finding nothing but compassion and understanding there no matter how much he searches. “You don’t need to apologise, Spencer, not for something like this. I’m sorry that none of us thought to make the first team dinner with you a more casual affair, and I’m even more sorry that you felt like you couldn’t tell us you were uncomfortable.” “It’s okay.”
“It’s not, but I’m glad you accept my apology,” Hotch says, smiling softly. “You know, we all bring baggage with us, Spencer. I can’t relate to food insecurity, but I had my own issues when I first joined the BAU. I grew up with a pretty terrible father, and the thing I found myself reprimanded for the most when I was a new recruit was the inability to follow orders. I’d spent my whole life scared of this man, obeying his every word, and I couldn’t help but hear him when my superiors would tell me to do something. When I was finally free of him, it was like I couldn’t help but rebel.
“You’re not the only one whose childhood follows them around, and I’d much rather it be something like this that we can easily manage, than something that will affect you or the team in the field, okay? Instead of beating yourself up over things you can’t control, try and remember that you have a whole new family who will do anything they can to make you feel as comfortable as possible. We already think the world of you, Spencer. Sacrificing fancy dinners that — let’s face it — can’t beat cheap junk food anyway is hardly a big ask.
Warmth spreads across his chest at Hotch’s words, replacing the feelings of failure and rising anxiety with something that feels like a promise of all the good to come. There’s something fatherly, something deeply paternal in Hotch that there wasn’t in Gideon, and it’s the most comfort Spencer’s felt in years. “Really?”
“Really,” Hotch nods, squeezing his shoulder gently. “You wait here one minute, okay?”
“Okay…” Hotch is gone before he can finish replying, and Spencer is left staring at the doors confused, until the rest of the team are piling out of them a few minutes later, Hotch bringing up the rear with his jacket and wallet in hand.
“We just paid the tab. How does cheap Chinese food eaten in the park a couple hundred yards down sound?” Hotch suggests, raising an eyebrow as he smiles warmly at Spencer.
He looks around briefly at the rest of the team, who are all giving him encouraging looks, not a trace of judgement or annoyance to be found.
“That sounds amazing,” he laughs wetly, the tears springing to his eyes this time caused by a completely different emotion. “I can pay you back, though.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, pretty boy,” Derek says, patting Spencer’s back, “we’ve got it. Now, come on, I’m gonna order sweet and sour chicken balls, and I want them now.”
“That’s what she said,” Penelope giggles, linking her arm with Derek’s.
“That was terrible, baby girl, but I love that you tried.”
“Do you want to share shrimp chop suey with me, babe?” Elle asks JJ as they clasp hands, walking a couple of steps ahead of them.
“Well, I’m certainly not sharing with any of these losers,” JJ teases, before kissing Elle’s cheek.
Spencer feels Hotch place his hand on his back, and he turns to smile gratefully at the older man. “Thank you,” he says quietly, trying to convey just how earnestly he means it. “No-one’s ever done anything this nice for me before.”
There’s a slightly sad tinge to Hotch’s smile, but it doesn’t look like pity. “I’d get used to it if I were you. That’s just how we do things in the BAU.”
Well, if that’s the case, Spencer thinks, smiling as he falls into step between Hotch and Penelope, I think I might just stick around.
taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @hotchseyebrows @temily @jellejareau @reidology @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @tobias-hankel @garcias-bitch @oliverbrnch @physics-magic @sbeno22 @im-autistic-not-stupid(taglist form)
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thoughts-on-bangtan · 3 years
Text
Let’s talk: The importance of curating your space and the cyclical life of ships
by Admin 1
From anon: Hi! I'm a new Army/vminie (4 months) and I have a (maybe dumb) question... When I joined, I saw so many j*/k*okers analysing every small moment between jk and jm and these ppl were everywhere and I couldn't avoid seeing j*/k*ok ship content. However, the past two weeks or so it seems to have shifted and suddenly I see t*e/k*ok ship content everywhere. I wonder, is this shifting a normal occurence? And how do I get rid of these ship contents in spaces that are supposed to be free of these 2 ships
Having been around for quite some time, I’ve come to think of the big ships as something very akin to extremely sensitive seismometers. Instead of detecting even the smallest movement or noise in relation to earthquakes or volcanic activity, these ship seismometers react to any and all activity (as in any kind of “moments” or what they perceive as such) in very “volatile” manners, for a lack of better words.
What do I mean by that?
Like you said, there was a long phase after Dynamite came out where the mood had shifted toward J*k*ok because we got more content in which we could see those two interact, even if later on we also got content from the same sets and time in which both members involved were seen interacting with other members, but that didn’t matter. So, obviously, shippers took this as grand sign, the seismometer drawing numbers like ones you’d get when you have an extreme earthquake, but in this case it was a positive thing. Every new “moment” or anything they perceived as such caused big reactions, loud enough to even reach far beyond their space and instead was heard also in general ARMY spaces or those of other shippers etc. But, there’s also the opposite effect, as in, volatile reactions, or big reactions, when there are several pieces of content one after the other where said ship doesn’t interact or doesn’t have any “moments”. In cases like that euphoria quickly shifts into “insecurity” (though they would never admit to that) and worry, occasionally also defensiveness and attacks.
Imagine a scenario like this: lets say we get five Bangtan B*mbs. The first one has main ship A interact, the next one doesn’t have either of the two ships, the third one was has main ship B interact, as well as in video four and five. 
Those who were happy with the first video will be casual/neutral about the second one, but as they get the third, fourth and fifth, the seismometer for them inevitably turns from extremely positive to extremely negative. While for B it’s the exact opposite, going from negative to extremely positive with YT and sns exploding with announcements of “B ships is back” or “B are in love after all, BH has freed them” or anything along those lines.
What I’m trying to say is that yes, this is normal. The big ships and their shippers lead a very cyclical life, which also means they never quite “disappear” either. They are always there, waiting, and then jump on any piece of a moment they get with big reactions, and in the time where they have nothing, chances are the toxic part of their community will go into attack mode instead, like that will change anything at all. We’ve seen other ships come and go, nearly disappear just to have some kind of revival months or even years later, or “new” ships win the favor of the masses. There are also a few ships that have steadily existed for most of the past eight years without any volatile shifts or changes, but those are generally the quieter ones ignored or actively campaigned against/discredited ones by the big ships and their shippers. 
Hyung line ships are generally seen as more “niche”/overlooked, or just some background extras for fanfics or something ML shippers enjoy since the aren’t an active “threat”, like Namjoon x Yoongi or Yoongi x Hobi which have been around forever and I don’t think I’ve ever really seen (or heard about) anyone have fights about them or even fights between those two camps, since most shippers have an almost laser like focus on the maknaes and especially JK.
The funny thing in all of this, if you can even call it that, is that none of it really depends on the members themselves. In all this time they haven’t changed their behavior much at all, their bonds haven’t drastically or dramatically changed, and certain members didn’t magically go from “hating” each other to suddenly becoming couples over night or vise versa. It’s all shipper interpretations, theories and conspiracies being layered on top of what people see on screen to make things more “interesting”, even if that means actively going against what the members have said themselves and who the members are, as in their personalities but also in relation to each other.
And this brings me to my next point, the importance of curating your own space.
Here it’s important to know what kind of a TL or ARMY sns experience do you want. Do you want to just focus on your bias with a side of OT7 with gifs and pictures and nothing else? Do you want to have more of an eye on how BTS is doing on the charts? Have more discourse and discussions on the TL you can follow or actively participate in? Or do you want a mix of it all?
Personally I’m very picky in who I follow and what kind of content I add to my TL by following an account. Generally I think it’s important to check every account you consider following to make sure they aren’t one of the following things: akgae, manti, solo stan, toxic shipper, or a victimizing sheep. While I do follow a number of ship centric accounts, because I like seeing vmin and namjin on my TL, I find it extremely important to follow several trustworthy ARMY translators as well as a number of non-ship centric ARMY accounts that just focus on Bangtan as a whole.
The block button is your friend. I know it might seem drastic or mean to just block random people, but in the long run you will be thankful for it since it will keep toxic content away from your space, regardless if toxic in a solo stan sense or a ship one. If you’re on twt you can also mute certain words and # so they don’t show up on your TL either, make use of that if you feel a need for it. Eventually though the algorithm learns what you gravitate toward, and if you follow a well curated number of accounts, the things you don’t want to see simply won’t appear where you can see them.
On YT, as far as I’m aware, in the recommended section you can mark videos you don’t like as not being interested in them and even mark whole channels as something you don’t want to have recommended to you. Since I don’t watch any ship related videos, I never get any recommended to me despite watching BTS videos (though I mostly stick to their official accounts and wherever else they performed).
It’s important to create a space in which you just see the content you want, but still pay attention to not just bury yourself in a ship bubble since that can be a slippers slope and you might end up accidentally turning yourself toxic on accident, too sure of your thoughts and end up growing resentful moments where a member of your ship interacts with someone else in the group. That’s when you know you’ve gone several steps to far, since above all else, we are ARMY before we are vminnies or namjinists or anything else. We can love our chosen duo, we can love our bias(es), but we should always listen to what the members have to say and trust them. After all Tae (and the other members) has asked us several times to love all seven, so that’s what I do. They are all incredibly lovable, and their bonds with each other all precious and wonderful in their own ways and worthy of appreciation, so I don’t understand those who feel hatred against any of them.
Curate your space but always keep a healthy mix of general ARMY and ship content, if you are someone who partakes in shiperverse activities, and stay as far away as possible from manipulative YT videos and accounts with toxic narratives and motives. 
From anon: hey! read your new post re: curating your own space. don't know if you'll answer this, but is there any "must follow" accounts on twt (for translations, vmin, and bts in general) that you can recommend? I'm new to the site and made an account for bangtan only, but there's just so much going on there that it can get confusing. Also found out that there are many troll accs, fake 'nice' accs, too much drama accs etc that can give you a bad experience.
Here’s a large selection of translators and a smaller selection of other accounts that I think are worth following, especially BTSChartData. Also, whatever you do, don’t follow the BTS ARMY twt account with 4M+ followers or however many they might have at this point.
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I’d also be very weary of member specific fanbases and chart accounts since they are known as perfect breeding grounds for solos, akgae and mantis, unfortunately, and some have been exposed for being akgae themselves.
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