#i think putting them in like a chess pattern would make more sense

[bokutosbabe]

hey! could you do jouno hcs please?

AHHHH ABSOLUTELY. ty for the ask!!

Jouno Saigiku x Reader Headcanons!

a/n— sadistic characters make my brain go brrrr

content— jouno calls reader ‘darling’, possessive bf jouno, gets kinda deep for no reason in the casual hcs, jouno is a meanie, mirror sex, jealous sex, temperature play, incorrect use of ice and wax, p in v, slight voyeurism(?), markings, and i think that’s it! lmk if i missed anything!!

synopsis— cute little headcanons with jouno in the sections of casual, relationship, and nsfw!!

💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚💚

casual headcanons

fear of heights. up high in the air is the one space where he can’t hear much besides the wind and smells everything that wafts his way; he just feels vulnerable while up high.

cooking master. when you have to deal with tecchou and his disgusting mixtures all day, you’d want to make yourself some homemade comfort food too

can play the piano like a GOD. it was one of his many passions before he lost his sight, and even afterwards he never stopped.

secretly loves being around the other hunting dogs. when he’s alone he can’t see or hear.

^^^he gets scared of being trapped inside his own mind due to this

he dreams of having a world where everyone can exist in peace with the hunting dogs protecting the city

was an only child

loves listening to teruko and tachiharas banter because he never got to experience something close to siblings fighting before

can speak at least two languages but no more than four

very much an early bird

amazing chess player, literally so strategic *cue mastermind by taylor swift*

likes bitter tastes more than awfully sweet tastes

loves puzzles, he just enjoys feeling around and using his intellectual skills and heightened senses to put them together

likes loud rock music more than what others assume he would like(he actually hates classical music. he finds it boring.)

runs hot like a damn oven

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relationship headcanons

meanie!!!!

jouno is literally as if satan made a special person to just make your life as difficult as possible.

jouno loves you because of your mind

you’re just as charismatic as he is and he enjoys how you two can just communicate without words. him with your heart rate and breathing pattern and you with his facial and body movements 🫶🏼

even if he’s a meanie , jouno still enjoys coming home and cuddling with you

will he initiate it?

absolutely not.

until he was in a relationship with you, jouno never realized how much he enjoyed another persons touch

jouno will make your life with him a living hell though, make no mistake

like i said; he runs hot and makes it everyone’s problem

you two can simply be laying in bed like normal civilized people, but if you mention you’re hot? he’s grabbing your waist pulling you closer to your furnace of a boyfriend.

“ get off of me! ”

“ you don’t wanna cuddle with me, darling? ”

jouno isn’t someone who will talk about your relationship at work or with anyone he’s not comfortable with

so when he first tells tecchou about you? he shocks himself

he definitely accidentally told you he loved you first

“ yeah, yeah. love you too. ” he’d said after you called him annoying

or something like that

your meanie boyfriend just loves you so much🫶🏼

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nsfw headcanons

like i said guys; jouno is M-E-A-N

man is a grade 1 tease

literally a power top!!

he loves just hearing your heartbeat pick up when he’s fucking you🫶🏼

and the sounds? man could bust just off of them.

like i said; he runs hot, so temperature play is one of his favorite things

he loves hearing your gasps when he pours hot wax on your body, always careful not to hurt you

he absolutely is obsessed with your whines when he runs ice around your tits, making your cute little nipples hard🫶🏼

you think you can make him jealous and he wouldn’t teach you a lesson? tough luck.

you could just be talking to tecchou or tachihara, but if he hears your heartbeat pick up or hear the slightest change in your tone? be ready to not walk for weeks

he’ll take you home and make sure you know who you belong to

MIRROR SEX🙏🙏

obviously he can’t see, but sometimes if you’re bad enough, he’ll make you describe what you look like to him– and if you stutter? he’ll slow down until you’re begging for him to hurry up and ruin you

he would never ever share you with anyone. you’re his and he’s yours

he’s definitely more of a receiver of head more than a giver, he just loves hearing your cute little moans while you’re choking on his cock🫶🏼

will make you play with yourself in front of him if you’ve been just a little too naughty

if he’s on an away mission he’ll call you and will jerk off to the sound of your voice

loves marking you with hickeys

your neck, thighs, and tummy covered every time after he fucks you.

jouno just needs everyone to know that he owns you❤️

he makes me giggle, sorry if these aren’t great i rushed them just a bit!!

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!! thank you sm for this ask!

[wit4writ]

PJO Episode 2 Detailed Review (Part 2/2)

Part 2 of my Episode 2 Review. Part 1 can be read here.

Three seconds of darkness, and we’re in another creepy nightmare, which quickly cuts to Percy in the cabin with Luke being the best exposition robot he can be, between talking about nightmares, explaining who his dad is, and GLORY.

We also meet Clarisse, who is amazing. She’s confident and terrifying, knocking over Percy like he’s nothing. This is great characterization in a few seconds, establishing her strength, her attitude, and her messing with Percy.

Then we’re back to exposition robots, as Luke’s friend (Chris?) tells Percy that Luke’s the best swordsman in camp. It would’ve been more effective if we had a demonstration of that. For that reason, I would’ve had the scene with Clarisse happen later at the training grounds. Percy’s rationale of getting his dad to notice him was sadly realistic, but it would’ve tied in with Luke’s whole GLORY bit without Clarisse being there, which is another reason I’d move Clarisse’s introduction.

I enjoyed the archery scene, but I would’ve cut the beginning with Luke talking. The blacksmithing scene was also good, but I would’ve added both scenes to a longer montage of Percy trying various activities and failing at them: losing footraces, accidentally pulling out strawberry plants instead of weeds, losing chess games (possibly with Annabeth, but any Athena kid would do), and getting trounced by Luke in a duel (with the Ares kids watching and Clarisse being introduced here).

I’d also want to show Percy excelling at canoeing but I’m not sure where I’d put it. (Maybe right before Luke and Percy duelling.) That way in the next scene where Percy’s having lunch, they can encourage him, “At least you didn’t suck at canoeing too,” or something along those lines.

The burnt offerings thing was more conversational, so it felt like a more natural way of sharing info compared to earlier.

The scene of Percy burning candy in the woods to talk to his mom was so sweet and gave us insight to his inner thoughts. However, I think it would’ve made more sense if Percy said, “I think I’m making friends here,” because at this point, he’s known Luke and Chris for a day and a half, so to assert they’re friends already seems fast.

Three seconds of darkness which we didn’t need later, Percy is being accosted by Clarisse. His line and the transition to the bathroom were good. The scene itself was slightly strange. We don’t know why Clarisse is so annoyed by Percy killing the Minotaur and why she’s so fixated on him admitting he’s lying. In the book, her motivation is “initiation”—she’s a bully and he’s fresh meat. We aren’t giving enough info on Clarisse here to understand where she’s coming from. I also didn’t like the scene happened at night with no one around, which I’ll touch on once we get to capture the flag.

The scene where he soaks Clarisse and the others is great, but it would’ve been more impactful if it was just a little longer, maybe with them trading insults.

Annabeth’s official introduction is next. The conversation with Percy asking if she’s stalking him and her admitting to watching him would’ve made more sense if Annabeth was sneakily in the background of previous scenes, or they cut to a shot of her observing him, him noticing, then the scene moving on. Her being in the infirmary that night makes her creepy, but not a stalker, as stalking is most often used to refer to a repeated pattern of behaviour.

Three second darkness transition (sigh) and Luke the exposition robot is introducing capture the flag and Annabeth as the head counselor of the Athena cabin. Sorry, but no. In a cabin full of high intellect, even if Annabeth is the best and most experienced among them, she is still twelve. Kids tend to create their own hierarchy based on age. I don’t see prideful, eighteen-year-old Athena kids being able to let her be in charge, no matter how good she is. Also, they should emphasize that Hermes and Athena cabins are allies, not a team, because “team” implies they’re always working together, which they very well may be, but that brings up questions of why.

Luke explaining the backstory was, again, exposition we could either cut or reframe. Also, we are told they have a relationship while having no evidence of that, which makes it seem less authentic. If we threaded small interactions of them throughout this, it would characterize them and their relationship.

We also get the “forbidden kid” exposition, which, again, would’ve benefited from being more concise. We could have also dropped hints about Thalia earlier on (referring to Thalia’s pine, etc.), so it didn’t come out of left field.

While it makes sense that Percy asks Luke about Annabeth’s motivations, it takes away agency from Annabeth, and makes her a passive part of her own story. It would’ve been interesting if Luke had stepped back, assuring him that Annabeth had her reasons, and allow her to tell him herself later.

The capture the flag beginning was amazing. It was good to see Luke and Percy talk and skip some of Chiron’s instructions, because we didn’t need to hear it. Annabeth and Luke interacting was great, so why didn’t we have more of it?  

Annabeth leading Percy to the lookout point felt like an actual character interaction, even with Percy rambling on how much he needs to impress his dad and Annabeth showing off her invisibility cap. A bit rough, but I’ll take it.

Three seconds of darkness (I DON’T LIKE THIS TRANSITION, IT FEELS SO CHOPPY) that we didn’t need later, Luke and his team have an incredible fight scene (it would’ve been great if his skills were shown at earlier, like I previously outlined) and after he says Percy will be ready, we get a great cut to Percy goofing off. This made me laugh, because this felt very in character, especially for a kid with ADHD. He’s alone and away from the action, he would get distracted.

Then Clarisse arrives, and her spear looks fantastic (Props to the prop master). This fight scene was good, but again, Clarisse’s motivation isn’t. In the book, she’s getting revenge here after being publicly humiliated during the bathroom incident, because everyone saw it happen and made fun of her for it. Here, it happens in the middle of the night, with no one around except Annabeth. Her revenge line makes much more sense if she got humiliated and wants payback, and is a stronger motivation then him admitting he’s a fake because she’s…jealous? Again, we’re not given enough insight to her motivation.

Percy also getting better at fighting once they were near the lake was hard to explain. In the book, it’s because he got in the water, which is hinted at earlier on. Now, he just so happens to be near the water and got better, so the reasoning behind his sudden athleticism becomes more confusing.

I’d also have Clarisse give him a parting line before just letting him go. Something like, “You get lucky this time.”   

Annabeth interacting with Percy after this would’ve been served by more dialogue to give her more characterization, like so:

// Percy: “You were here the whole time, and you didn’t help me?”

Annabeth: “I was going to, but honestly? You didn’t need it.”

She helps Percy up.

Percy: “Didn’t need it? I almost got sliced up!”

Annabeth: “But you didn’t.”

Percy: “No thanks to you.”

Annabeth stares at him, not saying anything.

Annabeth: “I’m sorry.”

Percy: “Really?”

Annabeth: “For this.”

She pushes him in the water. //

Percy getting claimed by Poseidon was the perfect, climatic moment for the episode to end on. The quest giving should have been pushed to the next episode, that way the episode literally starts with the fact that the quest is also starting. The quest giving bit also gave us more exposition robots in Chiron and Mr. D, where they talked at him instead of with him.

Percy initially refusing the quest made sense in character, but I didn’t understand why Chiron and Mr. D didn’t reveal the truth about his mom then. It seems strangely shortsighted of them to not realize this was the perfect motivation to get Percy to go on the quest. Also, I would’ve had a shot of Grover eavesdropping on Percy’s briefing beforehand to explain his sudden appearance.

Then, the fact his mom was alive, while being a great bombshell drop, took away from the moment of him getting claimed, which is another reason I’d push this to the next episode. Finally, if we’d only hinted at his mom being alive previously (as I outlined), the moment Percy finding out would have hit much harder.

We sacrificed more characters for the sake of info drops, this time Luke suffering the worse. As exposition robots, they felt one-dimensional, and the whole episode felt bloated and messy. There were good moments, but they were few and far between, and not enough to redeem the episode.

I don’t mind Annabeth figured out Percy’s parentage, but it would’ve been good to build to that, characterizing her through actions: have her observing his failures, etc., while also showing her relationship with Luke. Instead, she popped up at the beginning and the end, which was a weird choice since she’s one of the main characters.

No one explained all the heroes have ADHD and dyslexia. Is that not a thing in this world? It was a large part of the books, so I found it odd they skipped over that.

Overall, I liked episode two a lot less than episode one.

What are your thoughts on the episode? Should I keep writing these? Is one long post better or split into two?

[irithnova]

what would modern mongolia’s fashion style be like? his hobbies?

I wouldn't see him being too fussed about fashion on a day to day, but he definitely knows how to dress himself. I don't think he goes for bold colours on the daily. He seems to have a practical and understated approach to fashion tbh. I think he prefers comfort and functionality over extravagant styles or anything overcomplicated.

On a typical day, I can see him wearing clothing in muted tones such as deep blues, blacks, and browns etc. His day to day wardrobe consists of comfortable yet durable fabrics, so he can move freely while still looking put together if that makes sense?

Again he's not fussed about thinking too hard about what he wants to wear on a daily so he has classic pieces like trousers, plain shirts, and simple jackets. Accessories I'd say are minimal? Perhaps a sturdy leather belt or a subtle watch/leather bracelet. Jewellery wise, I see him on the silver/steel side. Silver studs/simple necklace but nothing excessive.

When it comes to outerwear, he'd probably opt for a trench coat in a neutral hue like beige or dark gray or a nice leather jacket.

I think he still wears the traditional deel too, but of course not the fancy kind everyday (he doesn't want to ruin them) and not everyday anyways. When he does wear a deel, he wears more like the practical type that nomads wear which is made to be more durable for day to day use.

The practical deel in question is crafted primarily from sheep wool and basic materials. It's designed for everyday wear, so it lacks intricate patterns but has a plush, warm texture. Winter deels, in particular, are very robust, with thick layers of sheep wool stuffing inside. They are reinforced with a few buttons near the collar. These deels are capable of withstanding temperatures as low as -40 degrees Celsius.

I think he definitely wears deels more often in the winter time/when he's in the countryside because if they managed to keep him from freezing to death for so long then he's sticking with them. Kind of like a "if it's not broken don't fix it" mentality.

Some hobbies:

The very obvious archery/horse riding/wrestling

Chess! Along with playing mahjong (practicing to beat China)

Logic games in general he's downloaded quite a few on his phone

Falconry

Reading

Wood carving/bow making

Camping/hiking

Calligraphy (Mongolian calligraphy obviously)

Arguing with people on the Internet

This is a headcanon I'm still contemplating tbh but I think it would be sick if he was freakily flexible like a contortionist. Mongolian contortionism is so cool lol

[ask-mortarion-the-death-lord]

[Same anon as mortarion daddy issues^3 haver ask]

Ohh he has the energy of a pathetic wet kitten who just dunked his head into a bowl of milk and is just sitting there SOPPING wet woth the consequences of his actions...

On a more serious note, I think that what makes him especially compelling to me is that most of his actions don't fall into the absolute wacky moon logic gw often does, and they actially make sense for his character.

Like yeah a guy who spent years abused by a very powerful paternal figure WOULD be naturally distrustful when another on eof those shows up. Or the way he constantly tries to do. very grand acts to proove his power? To proove he is worthy of survival in the eyes of the powers that be? I feel like that is totally something he learned while under Necare's "guidance". The constant need to reaffirm his strenght as a way of coping with the feeling of helplesness in the face of his entrie life having been just a very complicated chess move orchestrated by a being he cannot even hope to oppose??

Hes just so. Arghhhh i want to chew on him like on a dogtoy

well spite is definitely an important factor of why mortarion acts the way he does, i think the other essential factor to consider when analyzing mortarion is how hes a character that 'lives in contradiction' so to speak both more so then other characters and somewhat unintentionally when we consider how many writers with conflicting ideas have taken a swing at writing mortarion.

hes a character who values strength and a Darwinist mindset, practicality over performance to the point of being performance itself like how the death guard value their armours battle damage so much as to only ever repair things that threaten functionality without reducing the aesthetic of that scar. that is an incredibly vain thing to do to some extent as that kind of culture takes practical consideration to the point of preformative gestures of masculinity, look how badass i am my armours covered in scars, and its into that culture that mortarion is so fully immersed and genuinely seems to like.

mortarion is also a character that greatly values the sanctity of life, ironically enough for someone whos battle tactics generally fall in the 'exterminatus' end of the spectrum of things but he does genuinely value life quite highly, despite also holding a Darwinist survival of the fittest disdain for that same sense of life. he has a wall on barbarus dedicated to ever son of his that's fallen in battle, he's had multiple noted incidents of crying or atleast a deep sense of regret over the death of his sons in pursuit of his goals, his disdain for 'the order' that rules over the galaspar system mostly stems from a feeling that they treat life all too cheaply in their monstrous behaviour which pushes him to take the extreme actions he does, what pushed him to begin liberating the people of barbarus was a feeling of disgust at necare and the overlords of barbaruses treatment of the human populations in the vally, and the very thing that has almost always secured his downfall into nurgles worship across the settings history [putting aside whether or not he 'knew' what typhus was planning] was the desire to free his sons and his followers from the insurmountable suffering nurgle was inflicting on them in that moment in the warp.

mortarion hates and disdains weakness, in large part because he's prone to that same weakness effectively [either emotionally or in regards to physical failures like not being able to kill necare], and its a pattern that extends to widely across his character. he hates psykers and sorcery, because he has a deeper understanding of it then most and its abuses to the point of trying to overcome it through expanding his knowledge on it in the 'fight fire with fire' hairbrained solution so many imperial xanthite inquisitors inevitably come to out of fearful awe of its possibilities. he dislikes many of his brothers for having it easier then him, but totally not because he's jealous and desires the more comfortable lives they had cause that would be admitting to his own weakness.

hell i personally stand by the assertion that modern day mortarion is the way he his because he's balls to the wall on copium trying to convince himself that he totally wanted to be a decayed meat puppet for nurgle and is not at all upset and depressed at the way things have gone leading to an ever present cycle of depressed misery, to violent self hatred, to grandiose gestures covering for bitter petty spite at whoever's garnered his ire this week.

well hes written a bit too 'cartoon super villainy' in chaos gate daemonhunters for my taste, i do think its so perfectly in character for him to concoct a grand scheme of revenge against one specific dude [kaildor draigo], justify it as part of a wider strategic aim and not at all because hes mad at one guy in particular, and then when things go south because things always go south get mad and blame it on someone else as you flip the game board over. that speaks to the heart of mortarions writing as an antagonist i would say, even if i also think he could stand to have more wins under his belt if only for credibilitys sake as a threat.

[cha-melodius]

hi! ⭐️ for love is a losing game pretty please?

HELLO I didn't mean to leave this for an entire day lol, but I've barely had a moment to breathe today and I wanted to be able to sit and think about this one.

Ok, Love is a Losing Game! So as I mention in the fic notes, I decided to write this fic after @eavos posted something in the tmfu discord server about The Queen's Gambit and how it'd make a good setting for a napollya AU. At first I didn't really think that much of it, but then I WATCHED The Queen's Gambit and the idea took hold of me like woah. Before this fic I'd written one long-form AU, and I certainly didn't expect this to become my longest ever fic, nor how MUCH I'd end up putting into it.

I've never done more research for a fic than I did for this fic. I planned it out using actual chess tournaments in the 1960s (whereupon I quickly learned just how fictional The Queen's Gambit was lol), getting into the nitty gritty of how many players and from what countries actually played them. Most of the chess games in the fic are real—I read an absurd number of tournament recaps in old archived issues of Chess Life magazine. I also got some information about grandmasters' lives and careers from various articles in there, as well as other stories online.

Illya's career wasn't really patterned off of any one player, but Napoleon's is roughly based on that of Bobby Fischer (this is one of the big reasons why, every time I think about 'filing off the serial numbers' of this fic, I reject the idea—I fear it would be written off as 'what if Bobby Fischer was gay', even when there's nothing of Fischer's personality in this). And don't get me started on the research/planning I did for the World Chess Championship at the end; I had spreadsheets to figure out the points and how to make it work out like I wanted it to.

Since this was the early days of me planning fics, I didn't have a great sense of chapters, nor did I have a very detailed outline. I'll post it here, in fact (behind a cut for spoilers, just in case).

Before I drop the rest, if anyone who's not a TMFU fan ends up reading this far, here's my tiny plea: If you love my fics, give this one a chance. You don't need to know anything about the fandom, I promise; consider it an original novel lol. But I still think this is among my best works, and it deserves to be read more than it is.

Ok, the outline. This was it—the championship, the date, very brief note about what was happening, and who won the tournament (tournaments in parentheses happened offscreen). I do not now recall what the asterisks mean lmao.

(US National Championship & Zonal, New York 1965 – Napoleon)

Hastings International Chess Congress 1966 (Jan) – Meet for the first time (Illya, Ch)*

Mar del Plata, Argentina 1966 (March) – Begin off-book games (draw, Co)

(World Chess Championship, Moscow 1966 – Illya)

Piatigorsky Cup, Santa Monica 1966 (July) – Affair begins (1–1, Illya Ch)*

Chess Olympiad, Havana 1966 (Oct) – Discovery (Soviets)

Palma de Mallorca, Spain 1966 (Nov) – Napoleon absent (Illya loses)

US Championship, New York 1966 (Dec) – Illya shows up looking for Napoleon*

Monte Carlo Tournament, Monaco 1967 (March) – Napoleon returns (Napoleon, Co)

Canadian Centennial Grand Masters Chess Tournament, Winnipeg 1967 (Oct) – Illya misses (Napoleon)*

Sousse Interzonal, Tunisia 1967 (Nov) – Napoleon wins

(Hoogovens 1968; Monte Carlo 1968; Chess Olympiad, Lugano 1968; Palma 1968)

World Chess Championship, Reykjavík 1969 (June) – Illya v. Napoleon (Napoleon)*

San Juan International Tournament, Puerto Rico 1969 (Oct) – Defection

Some of the early ones really ballooned, like Mar del Plata and the Piatigorsky Cup, because I really needed to give their relationship space to develop. And I'm so glad I did, I love all those moments and conversations they have. Sometimes I feel like I'm rushing through fics more these days, and this one was one I just allowed to grow, which is part of what makes it so delightful.

Anyway if you ever have questions about this fic please feel free to ask, I will never not want to talk about it. I love it so so much. Thank you for asking!!

[fortrivmph]

realising i haven't mentioned anything about haytham and apollo's curse. i exaggerate a bit but it stems from a few things: haytham's accuracy with his historical predictions, his effectiveness as a strategist, the use of sages in black flag, and the fact that ubisoft decided it was a good idea to say that all gods are actually their illuminati aliens ( really really bad but we cope ). basically, i love the idea that haytham is just a bit too good at predicting outcomes in political and military situations. in the same way that edward had the ability to look at a puzzle and solve it without having to try too hard, haytham can see a chess game, or a military conflict, or a congressional meeting, and organise the moving pieces in his mind to discern the most probable outcome. the more he learns, the more accurate his predictions become; this is all within human ability, there are brilliant commanders in the world who think like this, but his is just a touch more extreme -- a sixth sense for complex affairs. in the same way a normal human could be trained into using eagle vision, but some assassins are born with it as an innate, almost-effortless ability, haytham can perceive sequences of events to come and act around them.

note that this does not apply to emotional or interpersonal situations. haytham is shit at communication. his analytical mind just cannot grapple with the way that people feel, and so he's constantly putting his foot in his mouth or making situations worse. what would be a great move in a game is often a terrible move when it impacts someone's life, read: connor and washington. he did it! he held the information until he had concrete proof for maximum impact! and people died for it because he was playing to 'win' on his own victory conditions instead of trying to be honest with his son. haytham could look at a stack of letters detailing troop movements and tell you how the next engagement would go down with shocking accuracy, but if you asked him how best to write a love letter he would give you terrible pragmatic advice and your relationship would implode and he'd be like. hmm. that should have resulted in a favourable outcome.

but he knows that a civil war is inevitable with the way the new nation was getting set up. he knew how the members of congress would act in their own self-interest. he has insane historical pattern recognition on a nationwide scale and never on a personal one; he only ever gets that in hindsight. anyways i refer to this as apollo's curse because if the isu were all gods and the assassins have high concentrations of isu dna then i get to say that haytham happens to show traits from the prophetic alien god, because it's fun and zesty and fits thematically in my mind with the fact that haytham has such a good grasp of the narrative happening around him that it often leads to inaction on his part, as he's paralysed by indecision with the number of paths he could take, knowing that none of them are perfect and preemptively mourning the ones he can't take. he is a guy fucking grieved by the fact that he has to make choices, which leads to him not making enough, his plans stalling out, his men dying, etc. he is way too in his own head and part of that, to me, has always been him being overwhelmed because in a world where you could be anything you simultaneously cannot be everything, and the more options you perceive for yourself, knowing that you can only pick one, the worse your anxiety becomes.

also he has a bitch mouth and cunt bearing that makes people not want to listen to him even when he's right. cassandra-esque.

[freeleague]

Google maps apk for fire tablet

Do you think that put the machine at an unfair advantage over Kasparov? WN: You took input from several chess experts in developing Deep Blue. We told it what it was doing wrong, in a sense, and hoped that would be fixed. It just understood more about chess and was able to play better because of it. That's some halftime pep talk.Ĭampbell: That was one of the factors we ran on a larger IBM supercomputer, but we also redesigned the chess-specific hardware so it would run more chess patterns. WN: Deep Blue got some software modifications and hardware upgrades for its next match that helped it analyze 200,000,000 moves per second.

Pretty much it was right down to the wire, so we obviously were quite pleased when it won the first game of that match, even though it lost the match. So there was frantic testing before the first match. WN: The buildup to the first Deep Blue game - were you guys at all nervous?Ĭampbell: Yeah, it was a bit of a nerve-wracking time, mainly because the hardware that Deep Blue ran only got working a few weeks before the match. WN: Kasparov easily beat Deep Thought 2-0. There were just two games between Deep Thought and Kasparov and I think many people were surprised at the level of interest that that match drew. Actually, at the time, in 1989, it was a fairly low-key event.

WN: How did the notion come about of a contest with Kasparov? It was obviously going to be a high-profile match.Ĭampbell: I don't think it was obvious at all. There was a turning point in the '70s when it was realized that, if you let computers do what they do best - that is, search through as many possibilities as they can as quickly as they can - and stop the pretense of trying to emulate how humans play, you actually got better performance.Īnd so, from that day on, computers, including Deep Blue, tended to be focused on searching through as many possible chess moves as they could in the amount of time that was available for a computation. WN: What are Deep Blue’s roots, and on what technological principles did its forebears operate?Ĭampbell: Claude Shannon, the famous computer scientist and mathematician proposed that chess was a grand challenge for these new things called computers - if you could get a computer to play chess at the world champion level, you had done something really special. In the 10 years since the match, I have yet to see any evidence of cheating. One of the things about conspiracy theories is that, really, you should present some evidence rather than just make a theory up.

Your response?Ĭampbell: In my mind, they're ridiculous. WN: Some conspiracies emerged that say the computer was being controlled by human grand masters behind the scenes. WN: Why do you think the match captured the public imagination to such a great degree? We're past the stage where there's a debate about who's better - machines or grand masters - and we're just looking for interesting ways to make the competition fairer. They're even taking relatively dramatic steps like giving handicaps to computers, making them play the game with a pawn less or playing the game with less time. WN: What’s going to be the next move in supercomputing over the next 10 years?Ĭampbell: It's almost the end of the story for chess in the sense that matches between chess machines and grand masters are becoming less interesting because it's so difficult for the human grand masters to compete successfully. If you look at the supercomputer that Deep Blue ran on, I think a present-day Cell processor has as much processing power as that entire system did in 1997. Murray Campbell: Not so well! The current world champion, Vladimir Kramnik from Russia, lost a match to a PC program in November, 4-2.

[ladymacbeths]

url edits>> @fahevjesper

“Jes, I've thought about this-" "Thought of me? Late at night? What was I wearing?"

want one?

[dylanlila]

i think what confuses people about mike and rightfully so (and this is actually in the text, it's just painfully underdeveloped :) is that he's both extremely logical and extremely kind-hearted. and since he's so underwritten, it seems like these qualities are in contradiction and one of them shouldn't be there at all, when actually s4!mike would make a lot of sense if he was written with more nuance. because these qualities can crash under specific circumstances, but can also work extremely well having individual character logic in mind. (and for mike, his friends are a big part of that personal world and its mechanics) will has gone missing? mike HAS to keep looking for him until he finds him. dustin says you can't have more than one best friend? mike opposes dustin's logic specifically and claims the opposite not because he believes he's right, but because he knows he is based on evidence, the evidence being the time he's spent with these three people. he always tries to make sense out of things and he's always quick to find the pattern in everything based on what he's seen in the past which is why he's also quick to follow that same pattern and is unwilling to give up on it until the situation is led to a satisfying conclusion. (once that is done, he has to find a new challenge and a new problem to solve right away) waiting around for things to unfold is not an option to him, he has to take action 1) because he wants his friends to be safe 2) because it's rational and 3) the first two reasons are connected, painted one over the other, easily mixed up when and only when mike doesn't count himself into the equation. that's where these qualities crash. when mike is forced to make sense of himself. this is why that funny moment in s2 when he picks up a candlestick while everybody else is holding an actual weapon works not only as comic relief (and maybe i'm looking too much into this), but explains mike in a more profound sense. he eliminates himself, as in the person that he is, from the equation and functions on his default setting which is -> when there's a problem, that problem must be solved no matter the person's individual characteristics unless they can somehow lead to success (in doing that, in denying himself from these qualities he's taking away the puzzle pieces that would help his self-discovery. aren't the little things exactly what makes a life?) that is a common thread with him, especially if he's the person to be reduced to a chess piece which he finds weirdly comfortable. an example of these qualities crashing against each other is in s3, when el is the perfect solution to a problem, yes, but she's also putting herself in danger by solving that problem (note: which mike has seen happen, he's seen how her powers can affect her well-being, it's a rational concern which i feel like is an important observation to add) and mike is not only worried, but in complete distress. when he's explaining himself to max and the others he also sounds like he's explaining his reasoning to himself. he isn't just defensive of his viewpoint, he's also nervous and overwhelmed and overstimulated. that's why that monologue resulted in an emotional outburst. (which is still a love confession, no matter how you categorize mileven as a relationship) i really really wish all of this was taken into account during s4 because there could have been a perfect culmination of all of this with mike starting high school and being forced to reexamine himself and reevaluate the idea of normalcy he wants to fit into. (i love the first little hints of authenticity in mike's hair and wardrobe in s4 :") also that moment in s1 when he stands up for el to lucas? i see it as something mike struggled with understanding in retrospect. he can be quite impulsive, especially when his loved ones are involved, but the difference between s1 and s4 mike is that s4 mike is aware of that impulsivity and feels the need to tone it down because he doesn't understand where it comes from. conclusion: mike wheeler is the head, not the heart of the group.

afterthought: there's an interesting discussion to be had on dustin and mike and how dustin is logical in a way that mike wants to be, but he's also in touch with his emotions in a way that mike isn't. (it's like mike's moments of emotional intelligence are rooted in impulsivity or instinctive reactions and that's why they aren't as present after s2 for the reasons i listed above)

[ithehellisbucky]

forget me not

spencer reid x reader

Request: No

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: Kidnapping, torture, drowning, murder, drug mention, etc

Summary: You and Spencer don't realize you love each other until it's almost too late

Author's Note: First thing in like fucking forever, so yeah. This was originally a request and then I was at school and I couldn't look at my request so it was way off script, so I just did my own shit, this also takes place in the 5th season, in the middle just after hayley dies.

~

"The unsub is a white male between the ages of 35-45. His modus operandi is drowning in the great lakes, he's already struck Superior, Michigan, Ontario, and Huron, so we expect Lake Erie to be next." Hotch says, glancing at his phone every minute or so. It's his third case back since Hayley died, and he's picked up a habit of waiting to hear bad news.

"This unsub has recently developed a hallucinative disorder where every face he sees has an emotional connection. There were no discernable connections between his victims which leads us to believe that his mind is filling in the gaps at random." Reid says, gesturing abstractly at nothing at all in particular.

"This disorder was likely triggered by a recent brain injury connected to the Great Lakes so keep a lookout for any recent accident victims. He was very social until the accident, and after it he immediately became anti-social. He was probably in a relationship recently, but then broke it off, he is not married, but possibly has children, which he will not shy away from using in a hostage situation." Morgan exclaims as he leans against a desk.

"His victims are all over the place, so we advise everyone to be on high alert. There is no pattern to the murders, from a 51-year-old single mother of two to a 14-year-old on vacation." You pause and take a breath, looking back down at your notes. "Someone out there knows this man, so we implore you to tell as many people as possible, our Media Liaison Jennifer Jareau will be setting up a press conference, and it is very important to get this out to as many people as possible."

"Won't that just spook him more?" One of the sheriff's deputy says, with a concerned look on his face.

"Yes, but at this point, he will kill again no matter what, it's better to have the public be informed because he will take another victim, whether we find him during or after is up to us."

He nods, and looks down at his notepad, badly masking his disturbed grimace.

"Thank you and let us know if you have any leads," Hotch exclaims, closing the meeting.

You walk up to Spencer "I bet we're their favorite people right about now." You say, sipping on your coffee.

Reid avoids your eyes and continues to fidget with the chess piece that he probably stole from one of the officer's desks. "What's wrong Reid?"

"I dunno, I just have a really bad feeling about this one," He picks up his cane and walks away. When Spencer has enough he needs to walk away, and as long as he wasn't hurt that was fine with you.

"Reid, y/l/n, Garcia's got something." Morgan raps his knuckles on the doorway and calls you into a conference room. "Hey babygirl, what do ya got for us?" He exclaims, shifting the call to speakerphone.

"A luscious blonde mane and an intense yearning to hold you." Emily giggles a little bit and Garcia can probably feel Hotch's glare "oh come on Derek."

"Sorry baby, keep goin'."

"I have a name. One Larry Todd. 3 weeks ago he was in a boat accident in which he had a severe concussion and was unconscious for 3 days. He immediately broke up with his girlfriend Shelby, which she was very angry about, adieu to her Facebook page. His ex-wife reported that he missed his last two visitations with his daughter Amelia." She takes a pause "he owned a bait shop that's been closed since his boat was destroyed in the accident, and it's listed as his last residency.

"Fits our profile to a tee," Emily exclaims.

"Thanks, Garcia," Hotch says, hanging up the phone call. "Emily, JJ is in the conference so run out and let her know. Morgan and Rossi, go to the bait shop with SWAT, and Reid and y/l/n go to the ex-wife's house; Emily and I will stay here and see what else we can dig up."

Everyone goes their separate ways. The sheriff takes the driver's seat, with you in the shotgun seat and Spencer in the back. You can hear the clang his leg makes against his cane and his foot bouncing.

"I'll take the daughter, and you can have the ex-wife."

"Okay," responds Spencer.

The ex-wife Miranda opens the door sobbing when you knock on it. "Excuse me, ma'am, my name is Agent y/n y/l/n and this is my partner Dr. Spencer Reid, do you mind if we ask you and your daughter a few questions about your ex-husband?"

She continues to sob but lets you in. You look back to see the sheriff playing video games on his phone and you scoff.

Spencer sits down with the crying woman and you politely ask if you can speak to her daughter. She tells you yes and that Amelia is around back.

"Bye, Reid." You blow a kiss to Spencer and walk out the door, shaking a sinister nagging feeling itching at the back of your neck.

You walk across the pavement and open the gate to enter your unsub's former backyard. "Hi Amelia, my name is y/n, I'm a friend of your mommies."

Beginning to grow more suspicious, you pull out your gun and triple-check to make sure it's on safety. If Todd is there you know that he would be fine with sacrificing his daughter for his own goals and you wouldn't let that happen "Amelia? Is your daddy here."

"Boo!" A little girl with pigtails holding a stuffed rabbit jumps from behind the recycling bin and you chuckle, putting your gun away in your holster. "Did I scare you?"

"You sure did!" You laugh. "Wow, that's such a pretty bunny, where did you get it?"

"My daddy got it for me." She said, showing off her gap tooth.

"That's so cool! Do you remember what it was like when he gave it to you?" You kneel to be at eye level with the child.

"Yeah, he was super cuddly, now he's a little more pokey, but that's okay." She says, playing with the bunny ears.

"When did he get pokey, Amelia?" You hesitated, something was off "I just want your daddy to be cuddly again."

"A little bit ago. He used to tell me stories till I fell asleep eeeeeverynight, but then he stopped for a week and when he came back he was like a big lion."

You had a growing sense of paranoia budding in your spine, why was she telling you all this so fast? "What type of stories?"

"He used to tell me princess stories, but after he stopped for a week he talked all about ones about the scary lady who tried to take me away, but then he stopped her! And the boy who was being dangerous so he had to make sure that she didn't hurt me." She exclaimed absentmindedly.

You start to pull your phone out of your pocket until Amelia starts talking again "and just now, he was talking about the bad knight who tried to take me away."

Your jaw dropped and you tried to find the best course of action, but by the time your brain started working it was too late. He walked up behind you and whispered into your ear "Nighty-night."

And then everything was black

~~~

"Hey, mommy."

"Yes, sweetheart?" She quickly wiped the tears off of her face to turn to her daughter.

"Can I have ice cream?"

"Of course sweetheart" she gives me a small smile and gets up towards the kitchen. "Where's that nice agent that came here with Dr. Reid?"

"They weren't a nice agent, they were a bad, bad, bad knight, and they were trying to take me away, so daddy took them instead."

No.

Oh no.

No no no no no no no no.

Where were they? Where was y/n?

I pulled out my gun without a second thought and left my cane behind, I ran as fast as I could without it, and by the time I was in the backyard my knee was burning and they were gone.

~~~

You woke up halfway through the drive. The road switched from smooth the bumpy a million times over, and it smelled like bees. Not like honey, not like pollen, like bees. Just bees. It smelled nice, but you don't want to die smelling bees.

You wanted to move. Move your body, move your head, move your eyes, move anything, but you couldn't move. Nothing could move. There was a sweaty tv shirt shoved between your teeth. Your hands were bound with bristled rope and there was metal all around you and you were certain that this was the back of a van. At first, you thought there must be a blindfold over your eyes, and then you realized that they were just too tired to open.

There was an old country song playing over the radio, a love song about a family in a house. The truck stopped shaking and he pulled the ignition. A growing sense of dread filled your stomach as he walked around towards the back of the truck. He opened the door and you saw his face.

That could only mean one thing- you weren't leaving here alive.

~~~

Within minutes crime scene techs were on the scene, but I knew they wouldn't find anything useful. The only thing that was there was the absence of y/n and our distraught profile.

"They were right here, right here, they were- they were right here, right here." Hotch looked at me somberly, and Morgan rubbed my shoulder with sympathy.

"We need to update our profile," Emily said, there was no time to waste, "we know what this guy does to people, and if he would risk abducting an armed federal agent in front of his daughter there's no doubt they in danger."

"We know Emily," Everyone looks at me kind of funny like I've said something wrong, but at this point, I don't care what anyone thinks of me, "His reason for doing this was for his daughter, he took out anyone he saw as a threat, a motherly figure, someone who could be her older brother, anyone who was a threat and wanted to take Amelia away from him.

"His disorder is fairly undocumented, being exactly the opposite of prosopagnosia, where patients disassociate faces from their loved ones, causes him to feel emotions about people he's never seen before, and his subconscious is assigning meaning to them at random, picking up anyone shows the slightest twinge of distaste.

"y/n picked up more than a twinge, they were there to take his daughter away, so he likely believes they're the mastermind." Everyone looks at me and waits for me to say the thing we all know is coming "he's not going to kill them before they suffer."

As we hitched a ride back to the station my leg was bouncing like crazy and my fingers were tapping the numbers of pi into the leather of the car door. Emily put her hand on my shoulder but I couldn't feel her, y/n missing was the only thing I could feel.

"Garcia I need you to check if Larry Todd owns any vehicles large enough to hold a person, trunks, vans, trucks anything," Morgan says into his speakerphone once we get back to the station.

"Oh god it's true, he really has them?" I can hear the distraught coated thick on her voice "do you think they're in pain, do you think he-"

"Garcia we don't have time for this, does he or does he not have any vehicles in his name." I snapped, I could apologize later when y/n was in a hospital bed.

"No, but you know I'm never one to go to bed early, and it turns out his great uncle died a year and a half ago, but his van was pulled over and given a speeding ticket a few months ago, how much do you wanna bet that's our guy and not a psychopath's uncle."

"Thanks, Garcia," Rossi hangs up the phone and turns to one of the sheriff's deputies in the room, "put out an ATB on that van."

"Okay, I'm gonna go through the medical files again, see if there's anything I missed," Hotch catches my arm.

"There isn't, right now all we can do is wait and look." He pauses "we've sent out patrol cars to look for the van, go out with Morgan, and circle around Lake Erie."

"Hotch, what if- what if we don't find them, or we find them and it's too late, or we find-"

"Right now she's alive, you said it yourself, he's not gonna let her die so easy."

As disturbing as it is hearing that someone you love more than anything is being tortured, I found it strangely comforting. They're alive. They are alive. They are prepared. After Tobias took me they brought me to a CIA torture seminar, just on the off chance that anything happened, I wouldn't break again.

I stared out the window of the passenger side of the SUV. Morgan wasn't talking, he knew what I was feeling, because he felt it before, when it happened to me.

"We've got a report of the vehicle going down sunmist lane" the scanner jumps to life.

I had memorized the map the second we landed; "we're five minutes away" and then, quietly under my breath, I whispered, "I'm coming y/n."

~~~

He held your head underwater for the 7th or the fiftieth time. You can't remember. You can't remember. You can't remember anything other than the water under the dock filling my lungs.

"What do you want with my daughter?!" He screamed at you as he pulled you out again, You vomited up all the water that my body could muster. You didn't know he had a daughter.

You forgot everything you learned to do. You forgot to pretend it was affecting me, You forgot how to hold my breath, You forgot. You forgot everything.

Except for Spencer, Spencer's smile, Spencer holding you, Spencer missing you until that was gone too.

Everything went away but the water.

He kicked you back off the dock again, and for a second you gasped for air, and then you sank, nothing even mattered anyways.

The man pulled you out again and kicked you in the ribs; you felt something rip inside of you and you screamed as loud as you could, which was more like a whimper.

"Larry Todd put your hands up!" Two men came behind the man who drowned you, you couldn't remember them, but you could remember the rip in your ribs filling with water.

He shoved you back into the water and you didn't even try to fight this time, you just sank, feet after feet after feet of water. You didn't hold your breath, you didn't care.

A figure appeared above you, and you saw the angel. He had a shimmering brown halo and a beautiful bright face that looked terrified, just like an angel.

And then he pulled you up.

~~~

This might be heaven, but it might be hell. You can tell the room is white without opening your eyes. There's a steady beeping sound to your left and it smells like chlorine.

When you finally manage to open your eyes you wished you hadn't. All you see is lethargy around you.

JJ is drooling in her sleep while Emily is asleep on her shoulder, Garcia is snoring in the corner with her knitting in a pile next to her. Morgan and Rossi are nowhere to be seen, but you can't blame them, seeing people they love getting beat up over and over again never gets easier. You can hear the faint sounds of Hotch arguing with someone over the phone in the hallway.

But worst of all is Spencer. He's wide awake and his foot is tapping like crazy on the ground. There are deep and dark eye bags surrounding his eyes and hints at a beard forming on his face. His cane is tossed uncharacteristically on the ground, and he pays it no attention whatever.

You open your mouth to speak, but when you do a stabbing pain shoots through your diaphragm and you gasp. The second Spencer hears you he shoots up and kneels next to the bed, which must be no easy feat.

"Hey, how are you?" He strokes your hair as gently as he can.

You try to speak but no words come out.

"Do you want some water?" You nod, trying to not feel pathetic. The second the glass of water comes into your eye line you knock it out of his hand and it goes shattering onto the floor, waking everyone else in the room up.

You start to cry, feeling guilty and scared about why a glass of water could've terrified you so much. "Hey, hey, it's okay, it's okay, it's just a bunch of sand made into something you can drink out of, it's not a big deal, don't worry." That calms you down a little bit.

You look around to see the rest of the team cradled around you. "How are you feeling honey?" Garcia whispers as if speaking too loudly would mortally wound you.

You reach up and touch your throat, and it burns. There's more confusion, and then JJ is getting her hand cut on the glass she was cleaning, Garcia was whispering too loudly and Emily was touching your arm, and Hotch and Morgan and Rossi were walking in the room and Spencer was pushing a button on your bed and the monitor was beeping and then you were screaming.

Screaming so loudly, screaming in pain, screaming in fear, screaming in confusion, screaming because you were overwhelmed and sad and scared. "Everyone gets out," Spencer says, and everyone quickly does, he knows you best, and right now, everything was too much.

"Wh-what happened" you whisper, throat and lungs still hurting but since you had screamed the worst part was over.

"The unsub kidnapped you, and tried to drown you, your heart stopped in the ambulance, but they brought you back." You remembered "You had been dunked in the water and brought back up at least 15 times, not including when I brought you out.

"You needed 53 stitches and had a punctured lung when we found you." He pauses "You're safe now, we have him in custody and he can never hurt anyone ever again." You let out a breath that you didn't know you had been holding.

"I'm so sorry," You were crying "I forgot you, I'm so sorry. He made everything go away but the water I'm sorry that I forgot you."

"It's okay, it's okay, you didn't do anything wrong, you were trying to stay alive." He stroked your hair and held your hands gently "He tortured you, when Hankel tortured me all I could think about were the drugs and the pain, you didn't do anything wrong, you survived."

"I survived?"

"Yes."

"Can I tell you something?" You chuckled, your tears had stopped but it was still wet on your face.

"Anything."

"I thought you were an angel when you saved, and now I realize that you weren't my angel, it wasn't magic, and it wasn't godly." Spencer looks puzzled, and you paused to take a deep and painful breath "It was the fact that I am so deeply in love with you, that seeing you love me back felt like heaven.

Spencer stares at you, his mouth closed and his mouth on the floor "You don't have to say anything, just know that-"

His lips are on yours before you can finish your sentence. For a moment you forget about the pain in your throat, the burn in your lungs, and the agony all over your body; it was just Spencer.

You pulled away for breath, your breaths dancing with each other.

"I was so scared" he whimpered in fear.

You stroked his hair gently "I was more terrified than I had ever been. I was so horrified that I would wake up tomorrow and my reason for living would be dead. I was more scared than I had been when I thought my dad killed a kid, I was more scared than when Hankel tortured me, I was more scared when I realized that I loved drugs more than my own life.

"You were the person that held my hand when I was hurting so bad I would forget to breathe, and then you weren't here because you were the person in pain and I realized that I loved you because nothing hurt me more than the fear that I could lose the one thing in the world that made me feel okay."

He takes a deep breath and looks at you as deeply in your eyes as you thought could ever be possible. "I love you too, and I promise you I'll never let you go."

His lips meet yours, and through a kiss, you whisper "I'll never forget you again"

And you knew that you had Spencer and everything is going to be okay.

~~

My Masterlist

Requests are open!

~Taglists are open~

Permanent Tags: @natasha-danvers​

Marvel:

Criminal Minds:

[bondsmagii]

Why do you think George Smiley got involved in the spy game initially? And why does he keep getting sucked back in?

honestly, I don't think there's any big reason as to how he got involved in the spy business. back in the time where Smiley would have joined the intelligence services, new members were recruited through a bit of an old boy's club. it was all about who you knew, or where you went to school. professors would very often earmark students they thought would make a good fit, and if the person was willing, they could just... join up. it was all very unofficial back in the day, and this was heavily criticised in the fallout of the Cambridge Spies. Smiley was recruited in this way, and probably went along with it because it's a decent job that stays interesting and pays well enough -- and Smiley always had a sharp mind; he'd need something to keep him busy. as for why he stays in the game, that's a bit more complicated. one of my running jokes reading any book with Smiley in it is to say "please just let him retire", because it seems like every book that features him has some scene where he's retiring or handing in his resignation, only to be pulled back in again. deep down I think he wants it to be that way, though, and I think it's just engrained into his personality.

something that a lot of people don't know, thanks to simplified terminology in spy media, is that people like Smiley aren't actually spies. they're intelligence officers; the spies are the agents they run. these agents are known for being a pretty crazy bunch, and of course they are -- you'd have to be, to do something like that, right? either crazy in the straightforward reckless way, or crazy in a more clinical sense; something has gone so wrong for you that you no longer care about safety or loyalties. what a lot of people don't realise is that the intelligence officers themselves are also often pretty unhinged. it's just in quieter ways, and they benefit because their line of work utilises the very things that would torment them in a normal line of work. people like Smiley are very intelligent, with a keen eye for detail and spotting patterns. they're perfectionists, and they excel in high-stress situations. to put it simply, ordinary life bores them. they wouldn't be happy, living like that. they need something high-risk and fast-paced, and as soon as they're done with one thing, they move on to another. this isn't high-risk in the James Bond sense, either; there's no dramatic chases, no explosions, no facing off with villains in impressive lairs. it's all spotting patterns, and moving chess pieces, and staying one step ahead of everyone else. it's a battle of strategy, and many intelligence officers do see it as a game. this doesn't mean they take it less seriously, but rather that that's how it seems to them -- the thrill of outplanning someone, and of winning.

Smiley is of a personality type that would suffer from all of the above, both for better and for worse. he also has a long-running feud with Karla, and a lot to prove. Smiley wears every failure of his life, both professional and personal, real and imagined, and he carries them around with him. he's constantly striving to do better, to do it right this time -- and Karla is the one thing he just cannot draw a line under. so long as Karla remains elusive, Smiley feels he hasn't done his job. it's not a coincidence that Smiley disappears from the narrative after Karla defects, aside from a few cameos where he's retired and very happy. Smiley got into the business because he could have been nothing else; he stayed in the business because he hadn't finished what he set out to do. had Karla still been out there, Smiley would have probably died of old age behind his desk at the Circus.

[juantheashura]

The first part was actually me complimenting the game and the characters and it feels weird to retype that again... but yeah, I loved it. So so much! Please don't feel bad about all my nitpicking, it's only because I keep chewing on the story in my mind and can't stop it. I wanted to say something nice, before getting to my critical feedback and then made it into three asks... I'm sorry the nice part got cut off! I really loved the game. To specify, I got that Nova was mostly asking for themselves, but asking that to a very queer nb/trans MC in a short skirt is a bit.. redundant? Or at least it hits different, so yeah a little bit of nuance would help, just to acknowledge their gender queerness. Like MC giving Nova a look or a raised eyebrow and them responding with a shrug or that they didn't just want to assume things. and you can still fly over the mob instead of punching people, just closer and keeping out of range, you don't have to land? it'd stop anyone that doesn't have a weapon at least from reaching you? It's not really like they can guard on top of the boss lady, they just stand around really close? so kick down maybe the 4 people directly blocking her, and pick her up by the scruff to carry away?

but yeah, maybe I have a wrong picture of the scene in my head. I don't really mind it that much, but I kept mulling over the tactical approach. Oh also, in the training, tactics and strategy are not the same! So when you ask for training in tactics that's different than strategy (tactics is like smart small unit movements and positioning, while strategies are more chess like long term plans anticipating responses and making several moves). It makes sense for MC to learn about tactics, strategy is more for the leader training than field training though. And pattern recognition and recon would be investigative training, rather than tactical or strategic, though both can be *used* for forming a strategy. Might consider coming up with a more broad name for the theory training. Technically, field agents study manuals for evacuation procedures, first aid and triage, some technical knowledge (for example, safest thing with an unknown bomb about to go off, rather than wires etc is to just freeze it solid), how to stop out of control vehicles, how to act and locate a sniper, fire safety (don't just open doors and windows to the outside, the oxygen coming in will fry you and cause explosions), water safety, different team dynamics and positions, vanguard vs scout, checking in on each other, stealth procedures, how to calm down civilians, etc. Which should honestly be just as important as the sparring and power controlling. Also some legal training, so you know what is allowed and where you stand on lethal force and when it's allowed...I keep coming up with more... either way, strategy and tactics shouldn't be used interchangeably, but some theory classes in general will legitimize their standing and make it feel like an actual job rather than just flying by their pants. (also, it's up to you how to respond to asks, the format is fine! thank you)

Oh, wow, this is all very helpful! Thanks a lot!

Thank you for the compliments, first of all! I am really glad you enjoyed the story, even with your notes. Even happier, honestly, that you cared enough about it to leave feedback to make it better. I appreciate it a lot! <3

And yeah, I get it re: Nova. Don't worry, I think I have a plan to make the MC more reactive/have who they are play a slightly bigger part there. And you could possibly try and land close to the Controller, but then you run into the problem that the rooftop is still swarmed, and she has control over the whole place. Nothing stops her from, say, making a dozen people throw themselves on top of you and Nova (and Mars) to slow you down, while she telepathically opens a path through her followers to run away. Instead of a whack-a-mole game, it'd become a cat and mouse one, to put it into simpler words.

Also, noted everything on the tactical/strategy portion! The Smarts stat is really just a cover-all for intellectual matters (it's why you can see it used for history, maths, and etc), so I should probably broaden it a little bit. You can even see this when you pick to train it, instead of simply learning tactics and such, Seeker also teaches you history and politics. I'll change the wording so it's more just "training your brain as well as your muscles".

Again, thanks a lot for all the feedback! I really, really appreciate it! Quite honestly made my day. :,))

[pinkestlittlebutterfly]

There’s one particular aspect of Lust arc that I always wanted to talk about but never quite managed to put into a coherent text that doesn’t span over entirely too many pages. However, this absolutely amazing post by @yarrayora (which you should go look at regardless of your interest in the topic I’m about to discuss because it’s such a good read and includes a fantastic look at Mikuni and Jeje as well) spurred me to try again, so I hope I’ll manage to be somewhat more concise this time.

The way I understand it (and please correct me on this if I am wrong!) there’s the prevalent idea that when it comes to the abuse Mikado dishes out against his son, Lily is complacent and consistently chooses not to defy him despite being perfectly capable of doing so. By making this choice, he becomes guilty of perpetuating the unhealthy dynamic between the three of them and can, at least in part, be blamed for the problems Misono faces due to his father’s abuse. I absolutely understand where this notion is coming from, and I don’t necessarily think it is wrong, but I still would like to challenge it.

First of all, even though I tend to come off as pretending otherwise, I want to make it clear I am perfectly aware Lily is neither innocent nor perfect and that he did make grave mistakes he can and should be blamed for (as Yarra put it, “magically gaslighting” Misono by erasing his memory again and again). Denying that would mean denying a key aspect of Lily’s entire character, and I’m not about to ever do that. But this isn’t really about the concrete conflict of Lust arc but rather the household dynamics at a whole that presumably span over years in manga canon, and the part Lily plays in those - because as soon as you look beyond the secret both Lily and Mikado keep, you’ll find that their positions regarding Misono are entirely different ones.

To explain that, let’s take a look at the full scope of Mikado’s abuse: He is very authoritarian and makes decisions in Misono’s stead without considering his son’s stance on the matter. When challenged on these, he resorts to emotional manipulation (think “you’re my only family left”). He disregards things that Misono considers important to him, such as his resolve to play an active role in protecting what he loves. He does not take his son seriously and does not trust his abilities, never even bothering to finish a game of chess against him. He isolates Misono from his friends, going as far as claiming he never had friends in the first place.

And now let’s contrast Lily to that.

Lily, first of all, is not an authority figure to Misono. I’m aware that some see them as having a father-son relationship, but it is quite undeniable that Misono is the Eve, the master, the one to lead; and Lily the Servamp who may advise, may tease but ultimately follow his commands. A relationship like that would not work if Lily did not hold a deep sense of trust in Misono and his abilities, which Mikado lacks. And sure, Lily is protective, but I’d argue he is not overprotective - if he were, he would not follow along into battle as happily as he does, and if he thought it necessary to shield Misono all the time an attack like The Red Queen’s Scaffold would never work out.

In addition to this Lily not only welcomes the idea of Misono making friends, he actively pushes him to do so to a point where it becomes a pattern for him during the first three volumes especially. He is consistently encouraging and supportive in all of his Eve’s attempts to connect with Mahiru and Tetsu, be it about figuring out how to text them with Misono’s phone or suggesting he ask them to come by for a hospital visit. Even as Misono gets knocked out by Jeje Lily doesn’t take him home or to a hospital but keeps him around his friends, because he knows and openly states that it’s better to be surrounded by friends than alone.

Now, of course, all the differences in the world won’t be relevant as long as Lily still chooses to stand by and do nothing when Mikado goes around being Mikado again. So why is it that he is being so complacent? After all, Mikado is not Lily’s Eve. He holds no power over him.

Mikado does, however, hold power over Misono, and that’s the core of Lily’s problem.

Servamp portrays its abusive relationships with a bitter taste of realism, and part of a realistic abusive relationship is that it cannot just be disrupted all that easily, that speaking out against an abuser can do more harm than good in the end. Mikado, for all his faults, is still Misono’s father, and Misono loves him and has never gotten anything but love in return - stifling, suffocating love, but love nonetheless. Directly interfering with a relationship like that is dangerous beyond belief, and the backlash might just knock away anyone who tries.

Lily could try and talk to Misono, of course, and tell him “hey, what your father is doing is wrong”, but this will not only create opposing sides and urge Misono to choose between Lily and Mikado but also put Lily into the role of the accuser, which is significantly harder to handle than that of the accused. He would risk Misono’s decision not being made in his favour and ending up alienated - not to mention how cruel it would be to force this choice upon him in the first place.

Lily could also talk to, or call out Mikado, but again he has no guarantee Mikado will completely agree with him or even react particularly well. Mikado is not rational in his love for Misono, he has been shown to try and isolate his son from everything he perceives as “dangerous” (like his friends, for whom Misono is willing to fight). Though you are welcome to disagree because I struggle with being rational regarding Mikado, I personally do not put it past him to try and drive a wedge between Lily and Misono as well, which given everything we know about the bond of Servamp and Eve could have catastrophic consequences. The best thing Lily can do is to stay by Misono’s side, even if that means keeping his mouth closed and watching in silence lest he give Mikado reason to shut him out too.

So Lily ends up doing what Lily does best: Being cunning and sly and operating behind people’s backs.

Even as he stands by in silence in Mikado’s presence, saying that Lily does nothing at all to counter his abuse is simply wrong. Lily resists by building Misono up where Mikado tears him down, by letting him see the world beyond the garden, by giving him power and pride.

Mikado wants Misono to stay inside the mansion and be kept safe. Lily provides him with the strength and resources to exist within the real world. Mikado thinks Misono is weak and wants him to stay out of battles, even claiming that his father did not hand Lily down to him for fighting purposes. Lily seems to disagree with that verdict as he happily trains Misono in effectively wielding him and his lead and readily follows along into battle, unwavering in the faith he holds in his Eve. Mikado denies Misono’s friendships and isolates him from anyone outside the mansion. Lily fosters and encourages these bonds and constantly nudges Misono towards them.

There are things that Mikado and Lily can equally be blamed for. But Lily is not, and will never be guilty of or compliant in the abuse that Mikado subjects his son to. Lily did his best in a horrible situation - and even though he failed in the end, even though he allowed his fears and selfish desires to compromise what he had built Misono up to be, he was still the one to pave his way out of the garden, helped him build bridges beyond a system that he himself was tangled up in, bridges at the end of which friends were waiting with open arms.

Lily wasn’t able to break Misono free, he was never in a position to be that person for him. But Lily made sure that when the day came that Misono wanted to leave the garden behind, he’d have everything he needed to do so. Lily did not save Misono, not from Mikado’s abuse nor the confinement of the garden, but Lily gave him the tools he needed to save himself.

[and-there-were-words]

A Spider Life: You don't belong here (Chapter 03)

Taking place after “Sleep Bug” but before “Dumpling Destruction”.

After a successful mission, there was no time for a long rest. Though, Syntax decided that a little bit of a break didn’t hurt anyone. He was foolish to think that Huntsman would let him be at peace. (Wordcount: around 1300)

---

Blue filled the entire main hall of the Silk Web Cave. The looming forms and shades of their new project towering over all. It was certainly odd to watch these new plans of a mech he hadn't designed himself. Something about it struck the scientist as odd, but he wasn't well versed enough in sorcery and ancient artifacts to really know which item was supposed to do what. It didn't help that basically nobody but the little Miss Mystery knew exactly how any of this was going to work.

But they finally did have a more tangible goal. And one more good thing came out of this whole treasure hunt – Syntax had not to do any research where to find said items, since the girl seemed to already know where they were.

As questionable as this was, his Queen did not raise any concerns about this knowledge, so why should he? Instead, he took the opportunity of free time to work on his own projects. He had to overhaul their Spider Base blueprints, repair some of the Spiderbots and… actually. On second thought, after his successful heist into the Cloud, he deserved an evening of rest. Just leaning back a little, kicking up the feet, maybe coding some new games and programs. When he wasn’t working on machines, he still could experiment with them. It was a blessing when one's job was also their hobby.

Walking deeper into the tunnel system of the lair, Syntax found the little niche that he had claimed for himself. Mostly to sleep and keep a few of his more important items safe. Not that he had many, but it still was a comfort to have a little bit of autonomy, away from all those watchful spider eyes. The scientist hummed, and with the lab coat off, he was officially clocked out for the day.

Sleeves were neatly folded up to the elbows, his utility goggles snapped away. Magic was so handy! He lingered for a moment, holding bright green glasses in hands. Syntax wasn’t entirely sure how or why, but he found himself oddly sentimental over them. Even though one of the lenses had a crack. His eyes were perfectly fine too, so anything looked blurry trough them, rendering them practically useless. With a shrug, he put them back into his little box of trinkets, turning around to his personal computer.

…..

There was not really any sense of time within the Silk Web Cave, not that it mattered much. Hours could’ve pass by and the only indicator that the world was still turning, was that his coffee always grew cold way too fast. Running another test for his current code, Syntax frowned as errors popped up where none had been before. He reached for his cup without looking, first confused about something not being right. It took him a few seconds to notice that he was grabbing into thin air. His cup was not at the spot where he placed it anymore.

“What’cha doing?”, a raspy voice required from his other side, making the scientist jerk violently, nearly falling off his chair. A groan escaped Syntax, slightly turning his head to confirm his apprehension. And indeed, it was Huntsman. With his coffee mug in hands. It was bothersome how he always managed to sneak up unnoticed and seemingly appear out of nowhere. The other spider was not even looking at him directly, just watching the screen displaying an endless amounts of lines with mock interest. It was clear that the hunter had no idea what he was looking at, and Syntax knew that trying to explain any of this to him would be wasted breath. Still, he thought himself better than that.

“Optimizing the behavioral pattern of the Spiderbots. So next time we can spread the Queen’s venom faster.”, he left it at that, starting to tip away on the keyboard again.

“Uh-hu.”, the spider demon mused, but it was clear that this wasn't the focus of his attention at the moment. Instead, he just sniffed at the drink in his hand, nose curling up a little. “...I have no idea how you’re capable of drinking this stuff. Gross.” And with that, the cup was back on the table within Syntax’s reach, but the scientist didn’t dare to touch it. This was obviously a trap, both of them knew. Huntsman never had been subtle about waiting for the other to make a misstep. Syntax wasn't sure what the taller man hoped to achieve, but there was a bitter taste at the back of his throat with how he was watched by this particular spider demon.

Tension filled the room, making the air as thick as butter, as both men were just analyzing each other carefully. It almost felt like a game of chess, one that Syntax didn’t like at all, being forced to play so damn defensively. He still wasn’t sure what he did to upset the hunter, but he clearly was out for his neck in some way or another. It was Huntsman who broke the silence, and to no one's surprise, he just unceremoniously kicked down the metaphorical door.

"You don't belong here.", the spider rasped, stalking awfully close, only to loom over the sitting scientist. Green eyes glimmering in the twilight of the cave, mostly illuminated by just the cold light of the computer screen. Syntax could only swallow, feeling caged like a prey animal under this intense glare.

"You're a disgrace to the clan, human.", the hunter continued his venomous words, "Do you really think you're important to the Queen? Nothing but just a tool, once you've done your purpose, you will be nothing but dinner." The demon cackled, and Syntax could feel his body going into a panic mode. Yet, his mind was still clear, rational. The buzzing crawling up his spine keeping him grounded.

Syntax simply clicked his tongue in a (what he hoped to come off as) unimpressed tsk. "Is that all? I am busy, Huntsman.", he was not going to give in that easily, even though the words were cutting deep, slicing into something that the scientist hadn't even been aware of himself yet.

The hunting spider frowned, letting out a soft growl. Only to grab the coffee mug again, giving it another glance. Apparently, he came to a conclusion in this moment. "You'll never be one of us, freak.", the second that followed felt like an eternity, before ceramic shattered into hundreds of pieces, cold coffee splattering all over the floor. A pang of some emotion shot through Syntax's chest, watching the mess on the ground. Somehow managing to not show a glimpse of this storm of feelings on the outside.

Huntsman almost seemed disappointed, but a breath later, he was showing off fangs in his ugly grin again. A hand reaching for the communicator in his ear as he was surely contacted by the Miss. "Now, this was fun and all.", he mused, crossing arms behind his back as he twirled towards the exit. "It seems that my special skills are needed once again. So long, cyberbug." With that, the hunter was gone, leaving the scientist finally alone.

So much for that rest, Syntax thought bitterly to himself, still staring at the floor. This evening or night had been ruined in every way possible. Now trying to make sense of why his limbs felt so cold and stiff, why his heart was beating in the rhythm of a scared animal while also screaming in anger. His hands clenched into fists, short nails digging into soft palms. Syntax knew all of this already. Knew that this wasn't his place, that he wasn't like the other spider demons. But he was part of this clan, and by the Queen's pride… he will prove that he was a better henchman than Huntsman could ever dream to be.

[palmett-hoes]

YES. Oh my God you explained perfectly the logic behind Neil getting tattoos. I get that people think tattoos fix Andrew's "aesthetic" more cause he wears all black and all but tattoos nowadays are popular and not really a thing that only alternative people get. Anyway -> if Neil got tattoos, do u have an hcs for what he might?

yea the more i think about it the more i really like the idea of neil getting tattoos. and who knows, maybe if his boyfriend starts to get covered andrew will take an interest too. i mean you're right, it does fit his aes. maybe he gets some matching tattoos with the love of his life

WHAT neil would get tho? oh there’s so many factors to consider

i see him having a similar ideology about it as i do, that his tattoos are to memorialize significant people and events in his life. most importantly though, they’re just,, to make him feel good about himself, so they’re all of happy memories, even if some might be bittersweet

it’s also not about full-coverage. he’s fine if his scars are still visible under the tattoo and probably isn’t going to try to religiously cover every single one. it’s about having something good on his body that he chose to put there to combat but not necessarily blot out the bad things done to him against his will

he tends to collect smaller individual pieces rather than large scale work and he’s not committed to a specific style, so his collection is a bit random and eclectic. but in terms of the style generally drawn to very kinesthetic art with a lot of movement and fluid lines, but also angular and hard-edged. i don’t think he’s color-averse and definitely not a strict black-and-gray guy, but at the same time i can’t see him doing like super super bright color work. he goes for darker, more saturated colors, like jewel and natural tones. also of course i see him as brown skinned so you need to approach color work differently anyway

in terms of what he actually GETS, i don’t really have a lot of opinions on placement or like,, what tattoos should cover which scar, but have some random ideas i think he might get

he has a large piece (like maybe a sleeve or thigh) that’s dedicated to his time on the run, but the good parts. it’s a mix of a lot of images and very chaotic, drawing from like,, the french cafe where his most first bought him a cup of coffee and cottage safehouses in the alps in summer and where they had room to stretch their legs and run and chase each other and hustling three card monty in dubai with his mom and diners in the pacific northwest that sold the best fruit pies

he of course gets a lot of tattoos for the foxes, definitely at least one straight-up fox. tiny pawprints are his go-to filler pattern

he has everyone’s signatures somewhere on him, maybe with a tattoo of the Championship trophy being hoisted up by a group of hands. he also has small individual pieces that memorialize each of them individually

definitely got several exy sticks and various other pieces of gear scattered in various places. dark stadium chairs leading down to a brightly lit exy court

andrew is probably his biggest inspiration. he has the photograph of them together in the airport turned into a silhouette like a victorian cameo. a ring of keys; this one might go on the back of his neck. a tire track skid mark. a skeleton sitting on a roof against a sunrise. andrew’s hand sparking a lighter. the only reason he doesn’t have a full portrait is bc andrew says he’ll leave him if he does it

a rabbit skull overgrown by moss and vines and flowers.

he gets a rook and knight chess pieces tat because kevin says that’s what he and andrew would be

he gets some small cheeky ones too. things like a line of script that says “you should see the other guy” with a gun running under a nasty scar or a skeletal arm broken in half

once he starts to really establish who he is and flesh himself out as a person he gets some that don’t necessarily have a lot of meaning but that he just likes the look of because he has the luxury of having opinions on art now

i don’t necessarily know if i want him to cover his facial scars, but i think that’s mostly because i don’t like facial tattoos very much, especially ones located where neil’s scars are. that’s just a personal preference though. however, i think the idea of a minimalist, abstract take of just like,, adding color to the scars might be nice. something like well-saturated brushstroke work

(addendum: an au or something where all neil’s scars are just covered in abstract brushwork would be so fucking beautiful. like this but full-body holy shit)

(i just don’t think it really fits him in canon to have a full-body tattoo scheme. also those would require so much long-term maintenance you’d have to get them redone like every 5 to 10 years)

he also doesn’t get them all at once, this is something he builds up over years. he also doesn’t want to rush it because he wants to stay open to memorialize things that will come in the future, because he has a future to wait for now

---

also i assume you probably want some reference photos too bc this can be a little hard to understand just as words, so here's some of my reference images under the cut

they’re more of a stylistic reference than a content reference. also - as in all things - this will of course also tell you a lot about my own personal taste in tattooing even though i try not to make it based ENTIRELY on what i like and try to factor in what i think neil would like

these were the tattoos that most inspired me about the tattoo idea for neil’s happiest memories with his mother. for some reason my gut really drew me towards architectural tattoos for it. i like the way the perspective on the left image is curved and confusing and it takes you a second to make sense of what you’re looking at. it reminds me a lot of an MC Escher drawing and that’s sort of the exact seeling of chaos and confusion that i think the tattoo needs. but then i was also really drawn to the soft colors of the right image (although they’d have to be adjusted somewhat for neil’s darker skin), because they’re so comforting, and i think that’s the sort of balance i’m looking for out of a tattoo for mary. so like,, compositionally like the left image but colored more like the right

literally every person who’s ever considered aftg and tattoos together HAS to offer up a fox tattoo it’s law. anyway these are mine. or well, the types i can see neil with. also, not aside from the foxes, these tattoos are really the best examples i can find of the angular, kinesthetic art style that i feel very strongly matches neil

inspo behind the tattoo of andrew’s hand with the lighter. also just a good simple style for smaller tattoos or filler tattoos

victorian cameos. inspiration behind both the silhouette tattoos of andrew and neil in the airport and the skeleton & the sunrise. both would be more than just the bust and the poses would be more fluid and they don’t need the brooch design outline. it’s really more of a starter reference or a jumping off point

neo-traditional tattoos. phenomenal style. strong lines and highly saturated color, super important both for a long-lasting tattoo and for tattooing on darker skin. they also just tend to have a certain composition i really like

this is the style i see the championship trophy tattoo, the chess pieces tattoo, the rabbit skull tattoo, and the ring of keys tattoo all in

---

okay i’m done now

thoughts?

[barnesandco]

Plzplzplzzzzz can you write a buckyxdeaf reader imagine, I just got my hearing aids after being diagnosed as moderate deaf a few months ago and there’s not enough of them imagines!!🥺 where reader gets her hearing aids or gets insecure about her deafness

Relearning

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: One very short allusion to the Winter Soldier. Insecurities about disabilities. Brief mention of a supporting character’s nightmares.

A/N: Thank you again for thinking of me for this request, nonny. I hope I was able to provide what you wanted. 

They day they arrive, your face falls like a confirmation of your worst anticipations. Hearing aids, as small and inconspicuous as possible, hidden if you close the fist you hold then in, lie on your palm, unassuming. Bucky's the only one who reads the tension in the hard way you've set you shoulders, and makes some indications to Steve that he picks up on immediately and clears out the common area. Nobody was staring in the first place -- only Tony had come up to the two of you at the chess table with the case in hand -- but Bucky knows you need your space, your time. He doesn't expect you to seek that distance away from him, too.

When the area is empty, you sit with Bucky's hand over one tightly clenched fist laid on the table, almost drawing blood, the other shaking furiously. He rises from his side to make his way to you, and you stand, too. But before he can get to you, you leave. Hearing aids in hand and tears barely held back, while Bucky feels as helpless as he ever has.

-----

Going back to his room, he thinks of when it all began. The explosion in Belarus a year ago, just before he could work up the courage to ask you out. The blast impaired your hearing and you started lip reading, made sure nobody approached you from behind. Refused to let Bucky learn sign language for your sake because you were convinced it would get better soon, even though he knew you were learning it yourself. Only, it didn’t, and the doctor’s appointments reinforced that idea, wrote it in concrete, and you tried to live with it regardless.

Naturally, you had to relent to medical opinion at some point, and you underwent further testing and Tony starting working on your hearing aids alongside a biomedical engineer from MIT named Hailey. This was the destination, and he suspected it would be hard to come to terms with, but he wished he had prepared for it better. If only he knew what to do.

-----

It takes you a full day to leave your room. The only reason Bucky doesn't break down your door is because Friday told him you're still eating.

When you emerge, it is a Saturday morning. Exercise hour. The morning is golden and yellow-green against the backdrop of the grounds the Sun has just risen over. Summer has sunk deep enough into early May's bones that the temperature is lukewarm.

He's hidden in the breakfast nook in the kitchen wearing ridiculous sheep patterned sweatpants -- Wanda's idea of a gag gift -- having opted out of the gym in hopes that you might reappear, and you do. Eyes bloodshot and red-rimmed, ethereal radiance dimmed but he accepts you to be the most wondrous person he knows even now.

Especially now, when you are hopefully able to utilize the sense that used to be impaired. The hearing aids look unusual on you, but only the way in which new things do. Something you do not recognize but are prepared to learn.

He watches you ready your breakfast. A couple of Wanda's blueberry muffins and jasmine tea. You love tea and he loves you. The crinkle in your nose, that he has missed so, as you wait for the water to boil. An itch behind your ear -- a new gesture, but just as endearing -- while the kettle simmers and hisses.

Still unaware of his presence, with your eyes focused elsewhere and ears not quite tuned to their aids, you sit at the kitchen island facing the window, the grass lawns, the fresh air seeping in through the opening. He watches you relish the morning on your face, your closed eyes and the curve of your lips loose and relaxed instead of in a frown like he last saw it. The moment is as still as ice, your forms frozen in glacier time, and Bucky, for all his hatred of the cold, would gladly stay in it if you'll let him be this close to you.

His own limbs release the stress in his shoulders slowly, springs unwinding in his marrow with creaks audible to his mind, and he  breathes a little slower, more naturally, more at ease now that you are here. His life vein, his gentle love.

The muffins are consumed slowly, your tongue peeking out to lick the last of their taste from your lips, the way Wanda's baking deserves to be savored. You nurse your tea in your hands for a long time, trying to take all the heat you can through the porcelain. Your fingers are always cold, Bucky knows. He has had too many tangled-bedsheet mornings, with your hands offering enough weight for him to feel but never enough for his skin to warm yours.

For a second, in between one rustle of the leaves in the border trees and the next, he forgets where he is, and loses himself in the memory of pressing your hands to his neck, letting you warm yourself by his collarbone and relishing in the hot goosebumps elicited by the movement of your hands down his abdomen.

But then you put your mug in the sink, and on instinct, Bucky rises and calls your name. Loud enough that he knows you'll hear him, but soft enough not to startle you. Everything is a delicate balance with you, a see-saw he is more than happy to keep in the air for you.

You're surprised to see him there, and you start to turn away, but Bucky speaks again.

"Please. Please, honey. Don't turn away," he pleads to your crestfallen expression, heart tearing at the seams. You need to understand that he is not going to give up on you for this, just like you've never turned away his metal arm.

Your hoarse voice, tired and sad in equal measure, says "Sorry." And you leave, again.

-----

Bucky does the only thing he can think of. He goes to Clint. The archer’s Bed-Stuy apartment emits sounds of vacuum cleaning and Bucky rings the bell twice before calling him. His phone bell is paired with his hearing aids, so he answers quickly, and lets Bucky in.

“You’re... cleaning,” Bucky states in a questioning voice, looking around at the apartment he has never seen in such a clean condition previously.

Clint clears his throat uncomfortably as he heads to the kitchen. “Yeah, Nat wanted to stay over for a bit and you know her...” he says with his face in the fridge, rummaging for Coca Cola, and indeed, Bucky does know. He knows of her clean-freak tendencies and the spate of nightmares she’s been having that might induce her to seek Clint’s comfort from the new, bad memories a mission in Moscow last month dredged up.

“So, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Clint asks pleasantly, forcing away the sympathetic sorrow in both of their minds.

Bucky blanches. He isn’t here for pleasantries, but he’s sure Clint will understand. “Could you teach me sign language?” Bucky asks back, and watches Clint consider the question. Clint knows about the recent arrival of your hearing aids, and your consequent insecurities. 

“Of course,” is the answer, and Bucky breathes a sigh of relief. Looks forward to learning something new. Something to bring him closer to you again.

-----

Bucky spends a month with his heart aching whenever you pass by him, thankfully no longer hiding away but still refusing to let him in, and he tries to invest his energy into showing you he loves you still, loves you always, and he does not think any lesser of you. 

Clint is patient. It takes Bucky’s hands a while to get used to the smooth, elegant flow of fingers to fist, to shape, to mold into meaning because he is so used to using his words. All that time with the mask has made him grateful for every letter he gets the chance to utter, but he will gladly give it up for you. If this sacred tongue that involves no tongue at all, that relays meaning through the extension of his forefinger, thumb and pinky from a fist -- love -- and the hand over his face -- beautiful -- and two peace signs joined at the top -- partner -- is what it takes to be yours, he’ll practise till you smile again.

-----

It takes another month for you to sit across from him at the chess table he has been waiting at since your hearing aids arrive. You hesitate by your chair. Bucky lifts his hands.¨

Flat right hand over the center of his chest. Clockwise arc. Please.

Thank you. Your fingers go from touching your lips to bringing your hand forth in a flat palm in front of him. Once you’ve sat down, Bucky rolls out the chess pieces, and you set them up.

Bucky watches you with scared scrutiny, praying for no wrong moves. Once the pieces are set up, you make your move, and then wait for Bucky. I love you, he signs, while the hubbub of the common area falls away. The world is silent save for the screaming brightness of your face. His only melody. His quiet choir. His silent muse.

I love you, too, you sign, and reach across the table to take his hand. Your smile is shaking, like it’s holding the weight of worlds, and Bucky takes the burdens away, leaning across to kiss your lips. The moment is a bubble of wonder, of marvellous adoration, where the air holds its breath. Your hands find Bucky’s hair as his come up to cradle your jaw gently. A metal finger traces over a hearing aid while his thumb strokes over your cheekbone. Stronger smiles form against each other’s lips. This is what home feels like.