#i think the fact that i havent been able to write anything since then is my due punishment for my bad behaviour. very justified

[sneez]

Mr Sneez I just wanted to tell you that I don't think I have ever cried for any work of fiction as much as I have after reading you pathologic fanfics I am devastated and will never be the same🫶 thank you so much for your work

haha, my sincere apologies and equally sincere gratitude my dear friend, i am so sorry for putting you through that but so glad that you enjoyed them (if that is the right word)!! thank you so much for your very kind words, they mean a lot to me :D ❤

[gin-juice-tonic]

So, for Starters: Book Of Bill Spoilers warning. Another opinion from me below. (Here's my first opinion I shared, if you havent seen it) This new one is about the lost journal pages again, of course.

Originally, I wanted to make a super big crazy essay about all the reasons I think the journal pages in BOB (The Book of Bill’s given name) are fake, and show off my super-cool totally completely sound deductive reasoning techniques in the process.  

Unfortunately, knowing myself I’m not sure I’m actually capable of accomplishing such a feat. You all know how I tend to post things in parts, sometimes out of order, often never finished. However I would like to share something in particular that’s been eating at me that I’ve seen… partially discussed, but only partially. And certainly not the part that I would like to discuss. 

It’s about the rats.

You know, the rats.

I saw these rats being talked about since before I was even able to have a look at the book myself. 

But before I get further into it all, I would like to start off with a joke: 

Why did dead rats, eggnog, a land orca, shrimp colors, It’s a Small World After All, and an Anti-Cipherite Suit cross the road? 

Well, that’s easy. To get to the other side. 

Of the book, that is. 

If you’re anything like me, you probably skipped right to the journal pages upon contact with the book. And if you’re even MORE like me, you were probably left a little confounded by them. Not only did they seem… wrong somehow. But they also felt random. Full of odd choices of subject that didn’t make a lot of sense. Could these pages really have come from journal 3? If so, why do parts of them feel so… completely out of context? 

And this is where the rats come in. As I mentioned before, I saw many people discussing them. In particular, they were noting their connection to this passage from earlier in the book:

Many of the related discussions also felt odd to me. Though I lacked the knowledge to be able to articulate why at the time. UNTIL, I read the book for myself from start to finish. That's when I realized something:  This is not the only time something from earlier in the book connects back to the journal pages. In fact, it happens many, many times throughout the earlier passages. (Here is a small collection of them for your perusal.)

And then it started clicking into place. The reasons the pages felt like they were so abnormally out of context… is because they WERE lacking context!

Now, before you can finish saying “Gin, you’re an idiot.” I would like you to ponder these three questions: 

1) Why, if these pages were taken from Journal 3, should they require context from outside of it to be able to be completely understood?

2) Why is it that this context can be found in what Bill Cipher has been writing in the preceding passages up till now? 

3) If you put food in a mogwai’s mouth at midnight EST but drive it over the CST time zone line back to 11PM before it can swallow, will it still transform into a gremlin? 

Okay, you caught me, that third one is unrelated. But the first two I believe require further thinking. So let’s delve a little further into the idea. Consider this the real third question: 

3) Are we to seriously believe that these, the only pages of J3 still lost to us, just so happen to tie into the new topics from the rest of the Book of Bill over and over like this?  

And since you’ve done so well thinking thus far, I’ll ask a fourth question: 

4) Are you aware of the concepts of Watsonian and Doyalist analysis? 

Assuming you don’t and you won’t google it, I’ll skip to the important part. Watsonian analysis is to analyze a story from within it, as if you yourself were Watson making deductions in a Sherlock Holmes novel.  

Now, from a Watsonian point of view, what happens when we try to answer our earlier questions? Why should it be that the Book of Bill provides so many of these points of reference to the journal pages? 

One possible line of thought could be that Bill wrote the earlier passages of his book *around* the idea of what was contained in the pages, but I think this doesn’t work for a few reasons. For one thing, the purpose of the book is to get the reader to make a deal, not to take a whole novel to set the stage for a 3 day mini Ford adventure. For another, not all of what I described prior is really fit to be called “context”, is it? The rats, the “Small World” cassette, and the Bill-Suit are one thing, but Eggnog? Shrimp colors? Land Orcas? I certainly wouldn’t define them that way. If anything, they’d be better suited to being called “references”. And unlike the more contextual ideas, there’d be no real need for Bill to sneak mere references to the pages into his grand story.  And lastly, there are a great deal of Bill pages that have nothing to do with the content in the journal pages at all.

So what exactly am I trying to say here? 

If we do intend to think of the callbacks outlined above as references, the only logical conclusion within the story is that the journal pages themselves are referencing back to the Book of Bill, not the other way around.

But… how? And why? Something Ford has written in the 80’s shouldn't be able to reference something Bill is writing post-weirdmageddon certainly. 

That’s because “Ford” isn’t referencing it at all!

And as for why… Well, have you ever noticed when you're writing a story on the fly, things you wrote earlier all come crashing back to you as you try to wrap things up? I believe personally that the journal pages are nothing more than a strange endcap on Bill’s crazy train of thought! And the "references" are just fuel that further the pages creation. Almost as if, to quote someone much more knowledgeable than me on this subject…

In the end, all I've described above (as well as other aspects of the pages I've not mentioned here) leave me with the impression the pages are not real.

As I stated only a bit earlier, the idea that these pages, the only pages of J3 purported to be lost, should be so connected to the rest of the book is beyond coincidence to me. Not to mention that in order to take these pages as total truth, you must give credence to several other passages of Bill's book as well. And I'm not too keen on having to trust him that much.

To all who have read this far, even to those who may have scoffed at the ideas in here or think I've only written up nonsense. Thank you for reading and considering my thoughts.

I am not saying anyone must agree with me on this. I know some people have found the pages to be important and meaningful to them, and I do not wish to give the impression that I think my view is the end all be all correct one, or that I think lesser of those who believe in them. I only want to share my own opinions. And to anyone else who found the pages to feel "off" somehow, possibly validate their feelings too.

[dollfaced-erin]

𝔻𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕠𝕟'𝕤 ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕕𝕝𝕖 (Blade x F!Reader x Jing Yuan)

PART 14

PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5 , PART 6 , PART 7 , PART 8 , PART 9 , PART 10 , PART 11 , PART 12 , PART 13

A/n : -

Hi ! Sorry i've been long ! i hope yall havent been waiting until you go stale on me hehe ! I hope all of you have been well while i was gone and been good ! I just made the masterlist and im pretty happy with the way it turned out for me. I've been going through some irl issues and wasnt able to write as often. but since im warming up here more, i think i'm able to adjust to my life here and be able to write again per usual~! someone ples hit me if i forget...

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@rebeccawinters , @nayukiyukihira , @pix-stuff , @fluffy-koalala , @swivy123 , @starxao , @kaoyamamegami , @kimura-uzuri , @rsvye , @seikouryuu , @just-here-reading , @matsulovesyou, @sincerely-aaronette , @prettyliliy , @chibiduck , @hermosacolibri , @la-diablas-thingz , @farelady-fate , @everi-eve , @shadowfoxey , @helloyuki , @immahuman

(Y/n) walked back to the Matrix of Prescience once again, head held high as if she hadn't succumbed to the sea of Lunarescent Depths earlier. Her body felt no pain, but the lingering feeling of being impaled was a constant reminder in the back of her mind.

"Are you sure you're ready for it ? Don't you think you need more rest ?" Bailu asked worriedly as she watched the former reigning high elder stand from the resting position she was placed in earlier.

"No. I've had enough rest. I need to get back to my loyalties." She said, looking at the princess behind her. Sorrow flashed in her eyes as they landed on the shackle on Bailu's tail.

Then she bent down to the girl's height, her heart throbbing in familiarity and familial. She raised a hand and ruffled Bailu's purple locks, a soft smile on her lips.

"Hey...when I'm back, I'll make sure I'll get those damned Preceptors to release your tail from that shackle." (Y/n) said soflty.

It didn't take a genius to know that Bailu's shackle was a Vidyadhara artisan specialty. In fact...she knew that the power that almost...resonated from the relic was used to seal her powers that overflowed from the young dragon lady.

"I'm off now." (Y/n) said, getting up and turning to leave the area. But then she felt a small force tug at her draping cloth from behind. As she looked back with a raised eyebrow, Bailu's eyes were looking right up at her, with worry and with a certain...desire.

"Yes...? Is there anything you need, Miss Bailu...?" (Y/n) said softly, eyes softening at the sight of the pouting girl.

"When...when you come back, can you...can you teach me some High Elder magic...?" she asked softly and shyly.

(Y/n)'s eyes widened before a small smile formed on her lips. "I can try, since my powers are halved without him. But first, I need to fix what I'm supposed to, and repay debts of old. Then when I come back, I'll do my best."

"Promise ?"

(Y/n)'s eyes softened as she crouched in front of the young girl, holding her pinky out.

"Promise."

As much as it all ached, she had work to do. She had regained most of her olden memories that had impacted her in her past. She had come to terms that she is indeed Dan Jia. But at the same time she was (Y/n).

But most importantly she was herself.

High Elder or not, sister to a convicted and exiled criminal or not, she had undying loyalty tied to the land she was standing on. And as the sister to the exiled prince, she had to reimburse and repay the debts that had long been buried by her slumber and his exile.

As she stepped into the Divination Commission's main divining center, she heard gasps of awe and surprise.

She supposed that her current air and facade that she withhold was no longer the same as she was before the memory resurgence from the Matrix of Prescience, the awakening of the Ambrosial Arbor, the Stellaron burst and the endless sea of Lunarescent depths.

By the flight of stairs before reaching the core, (Y/n) caught sight of a petite pink haired lady, looking quite nervous from her stance. She was a little hunched over, an arm across her chest as the other was brought to her lips, biting at her nail gently.

"Lady Fu Xuan." (Y/n) greeted, and the master diviner looked at her in surprise, her golden eyes widening in shock and masked relief.

"L-lady (Y/n) ! A-are you alright ?" The lady asked, and (Y/n) simply raised a hand to wave off her concern, and the diviner silenced herself.

"I am fine. I was brought here to seek out the meaning behind my relapsing visions and wavering consciousness by Jing Yuan. I thought that the least I could do now is come over and assist as I should." (Y/n) said simply.

Even while being someone impatient and disliked the authority of someone above her, namely Jing Yuan, Fu Xuan remained silent as she gazed at the taller woman next to her in awe.

A calm, cold and calculated (e/c) gaze, lips pulled into a small frown, eyes trained onto what lies ahead, arms crossed over her chest, the silky (h/c) hair and regal oriental clothing, the intricate earring that hung from her pointed ear and the horns that perched on her head.

She was the epitome of power and grace.

"If you wish to assist..." Fu Xuan noted, looking at (Y/n). "You might consider lending a hand to the Nameless. Currently they're on the way with a help of a guide after dealing with the spies of the Elixir Seekers lurking within the crowd."

"But I'll have to confirm with the General before I allow you to join them. He should have the last say for he is the one that took it upon himself to take any responsibility for your actions or anything regarding your wellbeing." Fu Xuan said as she began to walk in front of (Y/n), climbing up the flight of stairs.

"Come, right this way, Lady (Y/n)." Fu Xuan said as she ascended the stairs, the dragon lady not far behind her.

"Let's talk to the General for a bit before they arrive."

"Princess...how are you ? I haven't heard of you in a while and quite frankly to say, I was interested in your condition." The familiar smooth voice of the general caressed all ears that were present. Namely, (Y/n) and Fu Xuan.

The general stood before them in the form of a hologram, arms crossed over his chest as a lazy cat-like grin pulled across his lips, towering before the former High Elder of the Luofu and the Master Diviner of the Divination Commission.

"Smooth way to say you were worried about me, General." (Y/n) said with a small chuckle, earning raised eyebrows from the general at the mature and reformed (Y/n) before him.

But he chuckled, and shook his head. "Well, I suppose you could put it that way, (Y/n). Therefore, let me rephrase myself. How are you ? I heard everything and was pretty worried about you."

"I'm fine, thank you. I have...per say...come to terms with my condition and fully stand responsible for whatever has, will and would take place." (Y/n) said with a gentle smile, tilting her head a little to the side with her arms crossed over her chest.

"You never cease to amaze me, my moon..." Jing Yuan said with a chuckle, and his hologram reached out to caress her beautiful silky (h/c) hair that shone beneath the moonlight.

A slight blush dusted her cheeks as she saw the hand. Upon instinct, she would've leaned into the caring and warm hand that was large enough to caress her cheek. But she stiffened a little as she remembered warm lips that once touched her own.

Was this really okay ?

She had an unsolved relationship status with Dan Jia's past lover. Does he count as her own lover as well...? But...

She did find that man that named himself Blade very attractive and alluring. With those sharp scarlet eyes, that defined and sculpted figure and face, his beautiful dark hair and deep sultry voice. And the man does not live by his past identity. Just like how (Y/n) doesn't associate to being one with Dan Jia.

Is it selfish of her to relish in the love by two different men...?

It...isn't forbidden is it...?

Ah...she'll think about that later...

For now...she just wants to lean into his hand and relish in the warmth she knew that palm exuded from the numerous times they had exchanged small intimate gestures...

"Ahem !" a sharp coughed pulled the two out of their dazes.

Pulling back, (Y/n) face turned a bright red and (e/c) eyes blown wide with surprise and embarrassment. Her eyes averted their gaze to the ground and she heard a smooth chuckle from the general and an unsatisfied sigh from Fu Xuan.

"If you're going to show off your intimacy, please do it somewhere and sometime when the situation isn't so dire and in the eyes of the innocent public !" Fu Xuan said, irritation in her voice.

"I..I apologize. I didn't mean to react that way..." (Y/n) said, her cheeks beaming red.

"No need to apologize. I do agree that I am quite the...catch. " The general said with a smirk and the two women groaned in annoyance.

"Back to the topic at large," Jing Yuan said with a hearty chuckle. "Diviner Fu, how are things progressing ?"

We're fluctuating between the heaven and thunder trigrams. A step forward bridges no distance hence..." she said, looking down thoughtfully as she recounts what she had foreseen and received word of.

"And...for those who don't speak Fu Xuan...?" Jing Yuan asked, tilting his head to the side a little at the use of such big and fancy analogies by the small pink woman before him. Even (Y/n) had taken a moment to actually register the flowery words.

"Ahem..." she coughed, before looking at the towering general before her with disappointed and troubled eyes. "It's an utter disaster. How's that for a Divination Commission fortune ?"

"After trying to recount and retell the chapters of the past, no, even before that...the Matrix of Prescience has slowed down and stopped operating and the symbols have dimmed. There are Stellaron spirits wreaking havoc inside the commission and the Cloud Knights are struggling to protect civilians." Fu Xuan said and (Y/n) looked...worried and guilty.

Was this all her fault...? As in...was peeking into her past the reason why the Matrix of Prescience has stopped working ? Has her awakening triggered the rampage of the spirits of the forbidden disease ?

"...I want to restore the Matrix of Prescience but I have no forces available..." Fu Xuan said with a shake of her head. "And on top of that General, we still have to deal with the Stellaron Hunter you handed us. If that's not an utter disaster, then I don't know what is..."

Then Jing Yuan let out a hearty laugh. "But you're Fu Xuan the seer-- the boundless omniscient !" Jing Yuan said, trying to motivate her. "Bringing luck and avoiding misfortune is your strong suit, isn't it ?"

"You don't need to flatter me, General. It's natural for fortune to fluctuate -- there's no escaping it." Fu Xuan said with a serious frown on her lips. "The Divination Commission simply does its best to uncover the good and the bad and then make the right decisions. We have no magical means to turn the tide."

"And that is precisely why we need you in charge. When it comes to handling clairvoyant Stellaron Hunters, who better than Fu Xuan the seer ?" Jing Yuan said with a proud smirk. "As for reinforcements, you didn't think I'd be unprepared, did you ?"

"Look next to you. Standing proud and tall is the former High Elder herself, a piece of what was meant to be boundless power." Jing Yuan said, gesturing to (Y/n) whose cheeks dusted red at the compliment. "I'd warrant that her power is enough to wipe out a whole platoon with a single swipe of her fan."

"And look," Jing Yuan said, gesturing for the two women to look behind them, where the team of the Nameless had arrived by the top of the stairs.

"Help has just arrived."

"Master Diviner, I brought you the guests." Said a young woman with the brightest emerald eyes (Y/n) had seen. "Though...it wasn't your order i received."

Fu Xuan let out a sigh before turning to give the general a look and a small smile. "So, General...even the guests are on the payroll these days ?" she asked and (Y/n) laughed softly.

"Well since they're already here, I may as well make use of them."

"Couldn't you phrase that a little nicer instead ?" (Y/n) said with a laugh. "You wanted to use flowery language to convey your feelings, but have no problem with revealing intentions."

"What can I say, princess ?" Jing Yuan laughed along. "Strike when the iron is hot, they say."

"Ah, Lady (Y/n) ! Are you alright ? Qingzu told us she had sent you here before us." March said, looking at (Y/n) worriedly, noticing that there was something a little different to (Y/n).

A much more...confident and royal air to the dethroned princess.

"I am fine. Thank you for worrying, March. Don't worry, there is nothing to fret over. I merely had...some enlightenment and answers to questions that have been gnawing away at me for some time now." (Y/n) said, a kind look in her experienced (e/c) eyes.

And she saw something in March click for a moment as she said that, but dared not voice her opinion. Especially not in front of the Master Diviner. Then the Nameless were beckoned to the side by Fu Xuan, and (Y/n) was left to talk to Jing Yuan, who she hadn't seen for a while.

"General..." she started before the hologram raised its finger close to her lips.

"Shh...none of that now, princess. Call me Yuan. No need for the formalities either, for we are closer that mere acquaintances, are we not ?" The lion general asked, and (Y/n) nodded, a soft blush on her cheeks as she was left with him alone to discuss.

"Y-yes..." she said softly, bowing her head a little in embarrassment. Locks of (h/c) hair fell forward, revealing the small trinket that dangled from her pointed ear.

And Jing Yuan noticed.

"(Y/n)..." he started softly before looking around to assess that it was only them that were listening in to their conversation and other pair of ears.

"Did you meet with Blade ?"

(Y/n) froze in her position, blood running cold and palms felt sweaty. Her (e/c) eyes wide with fear and horror. She cursed in her mind, forgetting that the windchime that hung from her ear.

She immediately got up, a hand to her ear as she looked at Jing Yuan with a small smile, trying to hide and lie her way out of the mess she had created. "N-no. Of course not--"

But she was cut off by his chuckle, finding the situation adorable and amusing. "No need to lie, princess. Not alot of craftsmen in the universe are able to create something as detailed and intricated but the man on the run."

"And I understand your past relation to him--" "That's not it, Yuan !"

"Oh ?" The General asked, looking at her with a little surprise in his golden eyes at the flustered woman before him. Then he smiled warmly and teasingly, as he took in the sight of the beautiful horned woman before him.

"Don't worry, princess, I don't mind sharing. But I don't intend to go down without a fight either." He said with a dark chuckle as he leaned in to (Y/n)'s ear.

"After all...lion's are quite possessive of what they are passionate about, right ?" He whispered into her ear.

As he pulled back, he relinquished in the sight of (Y/n)'s red face. Although he was merely a hologram, his sweet whispers felt almost real, as if his warm breath had really just brushed the shell of her horned ear, as if his fluffy white hair had tickled her bright horns perched proudly on her head like a crown of sorts.

Before (Y/n) could stutter out a reply, they were interrupted by a call of (Y/n)'s name by Fu Xuan. (Y/n) was about to leave, when she looked at Jing Yuan for one last time.

"Go, my moon. And remember. Whoever he was in the past, isn't the same as he is now. For both of them." Jing Yuan said, with an affirmative nod. "Trust your heart, and all will fall in place."

As (Y/n) gave him one last nod, she left, turning around to head towards Fu Xuan and the Nameless. The general kept watch of her as her figure grew more and more distant of him, his heart pounding in his chest.

He wanted to reach out to her, to hold her close and never let her go. He knew he was sending her into the face of trouble, but he couldn't let such a pretty bird keep her wings folded forever...

So he clenched his hand by his side, watching her walk away with a loving gaze in those usually cold and calculating honey-glazed eyes of his, his lips opening to whisper a small wish he heard her heart would reach if her ears didn't...

"I trust your judgement as much as I trust you with my heart, my love."

[yeonjunszn]

like hot summer ☼

pairing park sunghoon x f!reader

word count 8k

genres fluff﹒slight angst ﹒smut

warnings 18+ minors dni, mature language, best friends to lovers trope, sharing a bed/room trope, insufferable heeseung + slightly less insufferable jake, features enha jay, txt beomgyu, taehyun, and huening + skz jeongin, also features nct dream, i’m so sorry for doing u so dirty jisung 💔, mentions of alcohol, hoon is kinda mean for like a singular second, vaginal fingering, marking?, unprotected sex (wrap it before u tap it 😒), finishing inside, Lots of Kissing, they’re kinda gross at the end like i made myself mad with how cute they were being so of course i had to ruin it… u’ll see 😇

summary you’ve been best friends for years now, so why does the idea of sharing a room with him get you so flustered?

more HAPPY 900 FOLLOWERS!! thank u guys so much for giving me this platform to write even if it is for boys who have no idea i exist 😭 writing has always been something very dear to me since a young age and i’m so grateful for being able to get this far on this site. i’ve had an issue with reach in the past and this blog has been nothing but kind to me. i’m forever indebted to all of u and my future followers 🫶 here’s a small token of my appreciation — i havent written anything nsfw since ? march ? i believe 💀 so i apologize if this is rough.. it was originally a vernon fic before i decided not to write for svt anymore and i actually started it in july 😭😭 which is why it’s another summer based fic LMFAOAOAO anyways it was supposed to be like 5k and i got carried away so here u go <3

“please do not take those with you.”

you look up from the suitcase you were stuffing clothes in, a pair of your most comfortable underwear currently in your hands. heeseung gives you a dissatisfied look, standing from his spot in your desk chair to snatch them and throw the garment behind him.

“okay? what the hell?” you furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

“we’re going on a trip where you’ll most likely be meeting new people. i don’t think you want to be dressed like a grandma when you do.” he explains with an eye roll, as if it was obvious.

“first of all, rude, they’re cute. second of all, i don’t plan on sleeping around,” you frown, glancing behind him at your poor underwear on the floor. “i should’ve just asked hoon to help me pack. you suck.”

“i’m pretty sure he’d also tell you to ditch the granny-panties.” he shrugs, sitting back on the rolling chair.

“n-no! i wouldn’t have even let him see me packing my undergarments.” you say defensively.

“you’ve been best friends this long and he’s never seen your underwear at least once? what makes me so special.” the brunette snorts.

“you’re… you.”

he gasps in feign offense, slapping his chest. “what the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“don’t take it personally! i’d probably let jake see my underwear too,” you defend your words, rifling through your clothes to make sure everything you needed was good to go. when you glance up at heeseung, he has a grimace on his face and you realize what you just said. “stop it! i meant because i see you both like brothers, so it wouldn’t be weird.”

“there are two things to be discussed here; one being the fact that you’d let bitchless, has never felt the touch of a woman in his life, jake sim, see your underwear— even if you think of him as a brother. and two being the fact that sunghoon is somehow different despite knowing him the same amount of time as us.” he raises an eyebrow as you turn to your dresser in search for a pair of replacement panties, since he so graciously tossed aside your favorites, then zip your suitcase shut.

with a grunt, you lug the thing off your bed, checking your appearance in the mirror since you were getting picked up soon. you peek over your shoulder at the brunette, narrowing your eyes. “i hope you know that you’re the absolute bane of my existence, lee heeseung.”

a couple hours later you find yourself sipping on a margarita, poolside at the airbnb you and your friends were renting. the beach was within walking distance, but you didn’t feel like going so you stayed back by yourself. you didn’t mind it at all, because it was probably the only chance you’d get to be alone in a house full of boys.

nine of you crammed into a single house was not ideal, especially considering you were the only girl in your group, but you planned this trip every year. loud, gross, and annoying antics aside, you loved them more than anything. (except maybe when they asked you to set any of them up with one of your girl friends.)

you also felt like you needed a bit of reprieve before you called it a night, since you weren’t given the privilege of your own room this time. all of you made the grave mistake of putting beomgyu in charge of booking the airbnb and his dumbass forgot until about a month ago, when he scrambled to find something within everyone’s standards and big enough to accommodate your large party. and while he was able to secure something, it did mean you’d have to have a roommate.

everyone agreed that it’d be okay if it was just you and one other person to respect your boundaries. rooming arrangements varied from year to year depending on how you decided, but this was the first time you were included. the boys got straight into it the moment you all set foot on the property, arguing in the front yard while you figured out how to work the keypad on the door. due to your ignorance to their shenanigans, you didn’t know who your temporary roommate was until the whole ordeal was a done deal.

before anything was set in stone, there was a unanimous choice to give you and whoever you ended up with the master bedroom, because none of them wanted you biting their heads off for hogging the bathroom. in the first room (the one next to the master), was heeseung, beomgyu, and jeongin, delegated by a game of rock paper scissors. by some miracle or just sheer dumb luck, the three idiots wound up together and celebrated by hugging in a circle and jumping around like elementary schoolers. the second room went to jay, jake, taehyun, and kai. this left one person— park sunghoon.

had you participated in the actual game, you would’ve started a riot to switch roommates. hell, you’d even share a room with jake, and that said everything about how you were feeling towards this situation.

it’s not that you didn’t want to room with sunghoon, per se, it was more like you were afraid to room with him. he was decently calm and an easy person to get along with for the most part. except his ability to tease you in any situation lit a fire under you. his jokes that would seem belittling to anyone else felt flirty and it drove you crazy. all of the guys in your friend group were good looking, but you always found yourself gravitating more towards sunghoon. (besides, you could never in a million years see yourself making out with someone like taehyun; who you thought was quite honestly prettier than you or beomgyu; who enjoyed personally talking your ear off every opportunity he got.)

when the boys finally come back from the beach, the sun has set and you, yourself, had just returned from picking up dinner. the nine of you ate with comfortable conversation here and there, exhausted from the long day you just had, before drawing the evening to a close.

you feel awkward trudging up the stairs to your room with sunghoon in tow, like if you say the wrong thing you’ll alter the entire course of your friendship. he tells you that you can shower first and so you do, but halfway through, you realize you forgot to grab you clothes on the way in. you curse at yourself as you rinse your body wash, switching off the water.

you wrap your towel around yourself timidly, well aware that it’s the only thing stopping sunghoon from seeing your bare body. with a gulp, you reach for the door handle, pushing it open slowly. he’s sat on the edge of the bed scrolling through his phone, uninformed of your presence. you kneel down to your suitcase to quickly grab what you need so you can rush back into the bathroom and change, but the universe hates you and doesn’t think it should be that easy.

“shit shit shit shit,”

you frantically sift through your clothes after getting your undergarments, only for your pajamas to be missing. you remember packing them and you know heeseung was there when you—

you were going to murder lee heeseung.

fuck him and his overt desire to make your life a living hell. first there was the underwear thing and now this. did he not think your care bear pajamas were cute enough to bring on this trip? either way, you couldn’t wait to strangle him, your fingers wiggling in anticipation.

“hey, is everything okay?” sunghoon’s voice calls out, pulling you away from your nefarious plotting. your eyes widen almost comically because you’re still very much naked under your towel and you don’t have clothes to sleep in.

“uh— i— i think i forgot to pack— i mean— i can’t find my pajamas.” you admit shamefully, too embarrassed to look up at him.

the bed creaks lightly, notifying you that he got up. you stand from your crouched position, careful not to accidentally flash him. he rummages through his own suitcase, spinning around to toss a t-shirt at you. you catch it with your free hand and your cheeks are still impossibly warm. you’re not sure if your mind is playing tricks on you, or if he really did rake his vision over your figure.

your heart is racing mortifyingly fast so you give him a tight lipped smile and raise your hand in thanks, bringing it back down just as fast when you think about the fact that you were holding your underwear in the same hand.

you think that’s the fastest you’ve ever run away from something, leaning back against the door while pressing the back of your palm to your forehead, your chest heaving. confidence wasn’t a weakness to you and it pissed you off to no end that it seemed to be only when sunghoon was around that you acted like a complete clown.

there was no chance of you surviving this trip.

the following day, you and the boys had gone out for an early lunch. because you were such a big group, they split you into two different tables. yours consisted of jake, heeseung, beomgyu, and jeongin. the entire time you kept your glare on the brunette sitting directly across from you, even as you shoveled rice into your mouth.

“woah, y/n. if looks could kill, hee would be dead by now.” jake laughs, pointing at you with his chopsticks.

“good,” you say flatly. “that’s what i want.”

heeseung looks thoroughly offended by your statement, clicking his tongue in response. “i don’t know why you hate me so much.”

“oh really?” you ask with a small scoff, sarcasm leaking through your words.

“what’d he do?” beomgyu snorts, flicking his eyes between you and heeseung curiously.

you don’t take your eyes off of the latter, rather you give him an even harsher stare than before. you squint slightly, crossing your legs and leaning back into your chair. “he was with me when i was packing my clothes yesterday and when i went to change after i got out of the shower last night, my pajamas were missing. and i swear i packed them. i even double checked my suitcase.”

jeongin purses his lips and raises his eyebrows. “the care bear pajamas?”

“the care bear pajamas!” you exclaim.

“wow, heeseung, it’s like you’re asking to be suffocated with a pillow in your sleep.”

“that was such an oddly specific cause of death.”

“wait a damn minute! how do you even know it was me? why are you just assuming shit like that?” he defends, picking up his hands like he’s innocent of all crimes. jake holds back a laugh at his reaction and jeongin gives him a deadpan expression.

“why are you being so defensive about it? clearly that means it was you.”

“i agree! i know this is apart of his stupid ‘get-y/n-laid’ agenda. what if i don’t wanna get laid?!” you flail your arms exasperatedly.

beomgyu holds up a finger to halt you, scrunching his eyebrows together. “everyone wants to get laid. you’re no exception.”

you narrow your gaze at him as if to say ‘not helping’ and he shuts up, squeezing his lips together. if there was anything he could’ve said in that moment, that was not it. especially not when you were trying to prove your case. you were an independent woman! you didn’t need to sleep around if you didn’t want to! (you did, with a specific person, but that's besides the point.)

“so what’d you end up wearing to sleep?” jeongin asks, resting his chin in his palm before gasping. “wow, n/n, sunghoon got to see you half naked?”

“no! he lent me a shirt!” you dispute frantically.

“boring,” jake drags out the o. “i think i have an extra you can borrow for tonight if you don’t wanna wear that one again.”

“please, you’re a lifesaver, jake,” you clasp your hands together. “unlike someone by the name of lee heeseung, who’s currently on my hit list. you better sleep with one eye open by the way.”

“could you be a little quiet with it though? i share a room with him.” beomgyu throws in.

“don’t worry, gyu. i've been googling different ways that would be silent, quick, and successful.” you fist bump him, before resuming your eating.

“i don’t get why you’re not groveling at my feet and thanking me right now. i did you a favor, you know,” heeseung huffs, his words slightly muffled by the food filling his mouth. “you get to keep his shirt and sleep in the same bed as him. isn’t that a win?”

“i don’t like him like that, seung.” you say a bit harsher than you intended. the table grows quiet at your outburst, even if they all speculate that you’re lying. the silence causes the other table to look over in concern.

whether you’re just extremely unlucky, or the gods actually think you’re a waste of a human being, you don’t know, but things keep screwing up in your favor. you make accidental eye contact with sunghoon, whose lips are slightly turned downward when he sees how distressed you appear.

it pisses you off.

it pisses you off because all you want to do is kiss those same lips until you can’t breathe. you want him to press them all over your skin, making you hot and bothered. you want him to whisper sweet sweet nothings into your ear and pepper little smooches along the shell of it with them. it pisses you off because you know he doesn’t feel the same.

and it’s so fucking annoying.

you’re probably the only girl he’d never see that way, thanks to the long history you share. you’ll always be another one of the guys to him. you’re someone he knows will be there for him to fall back on when a talking stage fails. you’re someone he knows will sit there and listen to his tales of how he got his dick wet, listen to his bragging.

it should deter your feelings, honestly. not only due to the fact that you have no chance with him, but because he was your best friend. you shouldn’t be mad at him for treating you as such. except you can’t help that you are.

after lunch, the group decided you might as well have another beach day, seeing as it was within walking distance from the airbnb. since you weren’t much of a beach fan (you hated the salty air and, even worse, the sand), the boys allowed you to pick the activity for the night.

there was a club you passed by on your way back from the restaurant that looked intriguing, so that was what you landed on.

you watched your friends mess around by the water as you stayed planted on a beach towel under an umbrella, sunglasses perched on the bridge of your nose. your body weight rested on your palms as you leaned back, soaking up the warmth on your skin. your cute white, shimmery bikini was a head turner, guys staring as they walked by you, ogling at your sunbathing.

you half hoped someone would just go up to you instead of drooling from afar, but at the same time, the thought of a stranger approaching you made you nervous. though, it would provide a decent distraction.

you try to act surprised when someone finally takes the bait.

he’s an attractive guy, you’ll admit, with dark hair that falls onto his forehead, slightly in his eyes which are also obscured by a pair of sunglasses. he ruffles it a bit before dropping himself on the sand beside you. he doesn’t talk for a few minutes, just copying your actions.

a small smile makes way onto your lips at his nonchalance and you turn to face him, pushing your shades up on top of your head. he does the same, giving you his own smile. now that you have a full view of his features, you can 100% say that he’s indeed handsome.

with an extended hand, he says, “hi, i’m park jisung.”

you return the gesture, shaking it with a firm grip. “l/n y/n.”

“wow, pretty name for a pretty girl. your parents must’ve known what they were doing.” he flirts with a laugh, almost like it’s second nature for him.

you can’t hide how bashful the compliment makes you, a tiny giggle bubbling from your chest. the bikini gave you a confidence boost when you put it on, but despite that, you were still you. so hearing little things like that always made you shy, especially because you weren’t used to it. how could you? being friends with a bunch of boys and all, guys never really cared to look in your direction.

“do you say that to every girl you meet, park jisung?” you manage to tease back, proud of yourself for recovering so quickly.

his smile morphs into a grin, his teeth peeking through his lips, and his eyes crinkle at the sides. “nope. just the really pretty ones.”

you tilt your chin into your shoulder as you feel heat spread across your cheeks. how was this guy so smooth? it’s like he knew exactly what you wanted/needed to hear and kept saying it.

when you compose yourself, you continue your conversation with jisung. it’s comfortable, even if you’d never met him before today, and it feels like you’ve known him for a while. you learn that he’s also on a trip with his friends, the six of them stationed just a few umbrellas over to your left. (he groans when you catch them spying on the two of you.) then he tells you that he noticed you earlier and his friends had finally convinced him to shoot his shot.

“you know, if you’d come up to me sooner, i would’ve been a lot less bored,” you sigh, scooting a little closer to him. “my friends have been ignoring me since we got here and i fucking hate the beach.”

he chuckles at that, subtly brushing his fingers against yours. “sorry about that. i guess you’re glad i saved the day, huh?”

“very,” you link your pinkie with his. “so, we’re going out later tonight to some club called allure? i think? it’d be really cool if you went, just saying. you can bring your friends.”

“that sounds like fun. maybe you’ll see us there,” he shrugs, nudging your foot with his. “depends on how bad you wanna see me.”

“nooo, don’t do me like that, jisung,” you whine halfheartedly, covering your face with your free hand. “i would like to see you there, but i don’t wanna beg.”

jisung laughs at how cute you are, poking your cheek with a nod. “okay okay, you convinced me. i’ll tell the guys.”

“okay, cool.” you breathe, tangling your fingers with his as you both stare at each other goofily. you almost lean in, the gap between you only disrupted by a centimeter, but then a throat clears itself and you jump apart.

it seemed that the guys all finally noticed you weren’t alone and decided to pay attention to you. you make eye contact with sunghoon and feel a shudder run down your spine, trying your hardest to conceal it.

“hey, y/n, who’s this?” he asks, albeit passively.

“oh, this is jisung. him and his friends are gonna meet us at the club tonight!” you give him a tight lipped smile, glancing over to gauge jisung’s reaction. he doesn’t look too fazed by their presence, instead standing up so he could introduce himself to each of them.

you sputter at the action, surprised that he was so willing to be buddy-buddy with the boys. you assume it’s because he isn’t too intimidated by them, considering they’d been ignorant toward your presence until now.

after he’s done, he turns to you and puffs his cheeks, blowing air between his lips. “i guess i better get going. i’ll see you later?”

“mhm,” you rub his arm. “see you tonight, ji.”

the nickname makes him grin and he ruffles your hair before bidding you all a goodbye. your eyes follow as he walks over to his friends, who are fist bumping in celebration of his success with you. your smile doesn’t go away as you look back at your own friends.

jake jumps up and down, shaking you aggressively by the shoulders. “y/n, holy shit! rizz master or what?”

beomgyu and jeongin burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter, falling into each other as you roll your eyes. jake would be the one to use such a gen z term at his age. “please never call me that again.”

“well jakey, looks like she won’t need your shirt tonight after all. chances are she’ll use jisung’s instead.” heeseung jokes, smacking your arm playfully.

you cover your face with both hands to shelter how embarrassed they’re making you feel. rule number one for being best friends with a bunch of boys— don’t. they’re nothing but menaces. and if you happen to acquire a friend group of just males— don’t let them meet your significant other.

as you wrap up your day at the beach, so you could head back to the airbnb to get ready for your night out, you realize sunghoon is keeping to himself a lot. and you don’t know what to make of that.

you feel like a million bucks if you’re being completely honest with yourself. you packed one of the nicest dresses you owned in case you needed it and you were so glad you did. it would’ve been awkward rolling up to the club in shorts and a bikini top— though you’re sure management has probably seen that before.

it was gold and sparkly, with spaghetti straps and a lace-up back, low cut enough that it was cute rather than overly revealing. you styled your hair to preference and kept the makeup simple, soft glam that didn’t distract from the outfit. this was the prettiest you felt in weeks— months even— and it was a comforting change of pace.

when you step out of the bathroom, sunghoon is laying on his back on the bed, scrolling through his phone. the sound of your heels clacking on the wooden floor forces him to sit up. “how long does it take to—?”

his words die out once he sees you, his throat going dry and his stomach tightening with an incessant knot. you look so gorgeous, it almost makes him angry that it’s not for him. never in your seven years of friendship has he ever seen you put this much effort in your appearance. (he thinks that’s why he feels himself getting worked up.)

“woah, missy, you’re not leaving the house looking like that. where’s your coat?” he raises an eyebrow, masking the icky feeling brewing inside of him.

“hoon, it’s like a hundred degrees out. we’re in the middle of a heatwave at the peak of the summer, the fuck do i need a coat for?” you counter with a scoff, shoving your phone and some lip gloss along with your credit card and ID in the little clutch you were taking with you.

“i’m just saying,” he shrugs. “you’re practically wearing a piece of cloth, you might get cold.”

“shut up, i’ll be fine.” you snort, exiting the room and leaving him scrambling for control of himself.

the rest of the guys are already waiting downstairs, whistling and hollering once you reach the bottom of the steps. jake tells you to do a little twirl, cheering you on like he was best friends with bella hadid or something. (you won't admit that it fuels your ego.)

“where’s sunghoon?” jay asks crouching to see if he was visible from where he was standing.

“i don’t know, but he’s being weird. my vote is we leave without him.” taehyun holds up a finger, pursing his lips as if he was being totally serious about his suggestion. you laugh at his expression, flicking his forehead.

“don’t be mean, tyun.”

a couple minutes later, sunghoon finally makes his way downstairs, looking conflicted about something. as much as you wanna ask, you know you shouldn’t get into it right now, so you choose not to.

jisung and his group are already at the club when you arrive and he waves you over to the high tables they secured. he introduces you to his six friends; mark, renjun, jeno, donghyuck, jaemin, and chenle. once you’ve met them, the two of you introduce your own friends to each other. it makes you happy that they seem to hit it off, breaking off into smaller cliques.

you and jisung wander off to the bar, ordering some drinks for yourselves. he helps you sit at one of the stools, his hand resting comfortably on your lower back. it doesn’t take long for the bartender to hand you your poison for the night and you take a gulp with a wince, letting the alcohol burn in its course down your throat.

“you look really good, by the way,” jisung compliments, his thumb rubbing circles into the skin that peeks through the straps in the back of your dress. “i didn’t get to tell you when you got here.”

his mouth brushes your ear as he speaks so you can hear him over the booming top forties music playing. there’s not nearly enough alcohol in your system to warrant the heat blooming under your skin so soon. you just giggle in response, spinning in your chair so you’re facing him. you hold your straw between two fingers as you sip at your beverage, looking up at him through thick lashes coated in mascara.

“you’re really something else, y/n,” he shakes his head, downing the rest of his drink before you return to your friends. “i’m gonna use the restroom, i’ll be right back.”

you nod with a smile when he pets your head, pressing a chaste kiss to your temple. it catches you off guard, but you don’t mind it one bit. at least someone was interested in you for once.

heeseung squeezes his way through the crowd to you and narrows his eyes, taking a hold of either side of your head. your cheeks squish together and your lips form a pout, so no matter how annoyed you try to come across, you just look silly. your attempts to get him off of you are futile, making you raise a brow to find out why he was being so touchy-feely.

“i still cannot believe you managed to make moves while you were alone. i literally never saw this coming.”

god, lee heeseung was such a lightweight.

“can you stop being sentimental? it’s kinda gross.” you grimace, your words mushed together much like your cheeks. it’s at this point that jake decides to join in, throwing his arms around your shoulders.

(jake sim was also a lightweight.)

“i love you guys! i’m so glad we’re here together right now!”

you spot jisung coming back from the restroom, pleading for him to save you with your eyes. he laughs and inserts himself in the conversation. “i appreciate you guys watching over y/n for me while i was gone, but do you think i can steal her back?”

“i guess,” jake sighs dramatically, dragging out the s. “but you better bring her back in one piece, park.”

jisung salutes to the brunette, even if he wasn’t at all intimidated by his overprotective parent persona, and whisks you away to get more drinks and then to hit the dance floor. the moment your foot reaches the tiled ground, a summer walker song starts, and all coherent thoughts leave your mind.

you keep one arm wrapped around jisung’s neck as you begin to sway your hips with the music, taking swigs of your drink every now and then. his is long forgotten in favor of gripping your waist like you’d run away any second. you have him wrapped around your finger, the way he’s fixated on you and your movements has your head spinning. but when you glance towards the general direction all of your friends were in, you accidentally make eye contact with none other than park sunghoon.

he’s glaring right at you, making no attempt to hide the distaste on his features while he watches you dance. you keep the eye contact when jisung leans into your neck, his nose grazing the sensitive spot just below your ear.

usually you’d fold then and there, crumbling in his hands and letting him take you home for the night. but there’s something about the darkness in sunghoon’s gaze that sends a shiver down your spine, not the person you were currently grinding into on the dance floor. it sends your mind into a frenzy.

your blissful ignorance to the amount of attraction you truly felt for him was causing more problems than solving them. here you were, a nice guy treating you like an absolute princess, but still thirsting after one of your best friends with not a single ounce of fucking shame. years of pent up frustration and insufferable pining bubble over, and you don’t stop yourself from what you’re about to do next.

you pull back from jisung, finally breaking the staring contest between you and sunghoon, and smile at him, pushing some hair out of his eyes. he gives you a look of utter confusion and you huff. “i’m sorry, but i’m feeling a little tired. i think the drinks are getting to me.”

“do you want me to drop you off at your place?” he asks, so sweetly it actually makes you feel bad about your true intentions. you shake your head ‘no’.

“it’s okay, you can stay here with your friends. i’ll just ask one of the boys,” you respond, patting his cheek. “one of the sober ones.”

“alright, if you insist. just be careful and text me later, yeah?” he gives you that award winning grin that made you weak at the knees just moments ago. this time you don’t give him a verbal response, too afraid of your voice betraying you.

you still don’t say anything as you grab your clutch from the table where your group was at, flickering your vision to sunghoon once before you walk out of the club. the air is cooler than this afternoon, serving as a nice contrast to your warm, sticky skin. your ears are still ringing from the blaring music and you’re pleasantly buzzed, but you feel great.

the sound inside the club travels outside for a second when the door opens and closes, signaling that someone had just walked out. you don’t want to risk the backwards glance in case it’s not who you’re hoping it is and you feel dumb. you opt to stare at the cars passing on the street, hugging yourself.

there’s the ghost of a touch on the small of your back and a broad chest pressed to your shoulders, causing you to jump slightly. “ditched that dude finally?”

you swallow thickly, his deep voice reverberating in your bones. “and if i did?”

sunghoon chuckles, his fingers dancing around the knot of your dress. “then i won’t have to feel like an asshole for what i’m about to do to you.”

you squeak as he starts to push you in the direction of the airbnb, your feet carrying you as fast as you can with your heels. the walk is silent except for the clicking against the concrete sidewalk, but it’s heavy with tension. half of you wants to say something, to ask what’s even happening. you don’t even realize he’s punching the numbers into the keypad and pulling you into the house until you’re pinned to the shut door, nose skimming yours.

sunghoon has a desperate grip around your wrists, breathing like he’d just ran a marathon. you stare up at him with wide eyes. you’re not entirely sure what you were hoping for when you executed this plan, but this wasn’t anywhere near the list of outcomes. in fact, you were positive that park sunghoon didn’t feel any sort of attraction to you.

“hoon,” you gasp, tongue swiping across your bottom lip.

he grins, his canines peeking through those lips of his that looked so soft. “you look so pretty tonight, n/n. can’t believe i get to have you all to myself.”

your head feels empty, like there’s nothing but cotton filling your skull where your brain should be. this was something out of a dream for you, something you’d only ever seen in your darkest fantasies. you wanted him to kiss you so badly it was beginning to ache. your head tilts to the side just a bit, your eyes alternating between his mouth and his own.

“need you,” you whisper, voice airy. “‘ve been waiting for this for so long.”

he connects your lips at that, a burning fever behind his actions as he does so. the dizziness doesn’t go away, instead amplifying. he releases your wrists in favor of grabbing at your thighs, his blunt nails digging into the plush skin. you tangle your fingers in his hair and tug at the silky strands, forcing a groan out of him. kissing sunghoon is sickening. it’s exactly how they describe it in books, the stomach churning and the goosebumps and all. this morning, you never would’ve thought you’d be here, but you’re completely satisfied with this turn of events.

“bedroom,” he breathes. “don’t want anyone seeing you like this but me.”

he doesn’t have to tell you twice, your heels discarded at the bottom of the stairs. the minute you’re in your shared room, his mouth is hot on yours again and you’re collapsing on to the bed. his hands are everywhere and there’s too many clothes between you. you slide your hands under his shirt, grazing your nails along his abdomen, smiling when it tenses under your touch. he gets the memo, removing his shirt and tossing it haphazardly behind him. you fumble with the button of his jeans and he laughs at how needy you are, solidifying just how real this moment actually is.

you notice that he’s already hard once his pants are gone and you palm his bulge as you lean back in for another kiss. he sighs into your mouth, reaching around your back to untie the knot on your dress. the straps fall instantaneously, the front of the fabric slipping down to reveal your bare chest. sunghoon’s lips move from yours to your jaw and along the column of your neck until he’s at your chest, looking up at you as he leaves open mouthed kisses all over your tits. you moan softly when the warmth of his mouth envelopes a sensitive nipple, slipping your dress off all the way so you’re left in nothing but your panties.

he steps back for a second to kick the article of clothing away, before caging your body with his. “i’ve been wanting to get you out of that dress all night. it pissed me off that you didn’t put it on for me, but he doesn’t get to see you all fucked out untouched, now does he?”

you shake your head, but that doesn’t satisfy him. his thumb finds your clit through the thin material of your underwear, rubbing tight circles into it to get a reaction from you. your lips part and your eyes squeeze shut, but it’s not enough for him. he grabs your chin a little forcefully, smushing your cheeks together like heeseung did earlier— however there was nothing wholesome about this moment.

“i asked you a fucking question.” sunghoon all but growls.

“n-no, hoon. only you,” you whimper, his mean demeanor turning you on even more. you’re embarrassed by the wet patch forming on the front of your panties and deep deep down you’re thanking lee heeseung for throwing the other pair out of your suitcase. (very very very deep down— you’d never give him the benefit of being right.)

“that’s my good girl,” he hooks his fingers into the waistband, glancing at you for confirmation. “are we really going through with this? you can back out now.”

your heart thumps disgustingly loud in your ears at how sincere he sounds and you pray to god that he can’t hear it. “sunghoon, i’m laying half naked in front of you right now— if you don’t fuck me—”

“alright alright… you got it,” he laughs that cute laugh of his, the one he reserves solely for you. the one that has crows feet forming at the corners of his eyes. it drives you crazier than anything else he’s done the entire night.

sunghoon slides your underwear down your legs with one hand, the other propping himself up to hover over you. you kick them off, biting your lip and hissing when he decides to run a finger up your slit. he curses as he watches how your arousal coats the digit. all you’ve done is kiss and you’re dripping.

“you’re soaked, baby,” he practically groans, pecking your jaw. “gonna ruin your pussy so you know who you belong to.”

you whine when he thrusts a finger in without warning, quickly adding a second and massaging your swollen clit with the pad of his thumb. your head rolls back as moans and expletives spill from your mouth. sunghoon takes the opportunity to mark you as his, sucking and biting your neck and chest like he was a leech, ensuring bruises formed in his wake. he finds the sweet spot at your pulse point, curling his fingers at the same time he nips at it.

“f-fuck, right th-there, hoonie,” you mewl, instinctively spreading your legs wider.

at this rate, you don’t think you’ll last much longer.

you know he can tell too with the way he speeds up the pace of his fingers. you clench around them and he connects your lips once again, his tongue tangling with yours messily. it’s so sloppy and so aggressive, but it’s perfect. it’s so sunghoon.

he keeps working at you, kissing everywhere he can until he pushes the right buttons to make you fall apart in his hands. when he finally finds it— a little nibble to your earlobe— your back arches further into him, your moans uncontrollable and incomprehensible as your orgasm washes over you. the skill of his mouth and hands has you reeling from the experience knowing no one else could ever make you feel like this ever again.

once you’ve come down, he slowly pulls his fingers out, sucking them so he can taste you and all that you are. he groans before pressing a quick kiss to your lips. you sigh in content.

“if you cum like that just from my fingers, i can’t wait to see how you look with my cock,” he mutters into your mouth, evoking a whine out of you. “so gorgeous.”

sunghoon steps away to remove his underwear, revealing himself to you. you have to stop yourself from drooling, reaching out to stroke his length languidly. he hisses as he goes back in for another kiss, biting on your lower lip when your thumb swipes over the slit on his sensitive tip.

he drags you to the edge of the bed, pushing away your hands so he can guide himself to your entrance. “are you ready for me, baby?”

“mhm,” you whimper, wrapping your legs around his waist to get him closer— if possible. “want you so bad, sunghoon.”

the sound of his name leaving your lips so filthily has the blood rushing from his brain to his dick even faster than before. he slips in easily, your arousal lubricating enough for him to bottom out almost completely. his balls slap against your ass when he does, his cock sheathed inside of you so far it’s like it’s poking your stomach.

his pace starts slow and consistent, his hips rocking into yours with timed thrusts that hit deep. your legs feel weak and your head is spinning, drunk off of his cock and how good it is. but it’s not satisfying you, you need more. you want more.

your heels dig into the dip of his lower back and you mewl, “faster, p-please.”

“anything for you, pretty girl.” he grunts, using one hand to grip your hip and the other to form a makeshift ponytail with your hair, tugging your head back so he can rest his forehead in the crook of your neck.

sunghoon angles his hips and pistons his cock into you quicker. each thrust is punctuated by his pelvis snapping into your own harshly and his fistful of your hair stinging your scalp. his hold on your waist is nearly bruising, but you don’t really care, too high from the pleasure he’s providing you. your moans raise in volume as you feel the band in your belly grow tighter.

your pussy clenches around him and he releases your hair in favor of rubbing tight circles into your clit. the stimulation of his cock driving in and out of you combined with his thumb on your most sensitive area has alarms blaring in your head as a warning for your second incoming orgasm. “i’m so so close, hoon, fuck— just like that,”

“c’mon baby, you can give it to me,” he coos, changing his angle again so he reaches that spongy spot in your cunt.

you swear you can see spots when it crashes onto you, your whole body spasming with the intensity of it. sunghoon prolongs your orgasm, still thrusting into you with a purpose. you know he’s closer to his edge too from how desperate he’s moving and the whines leaving his lips. you’re so sensitive it’s making you insane, but you allow him to keep abusing your pussy.

“where do you want me?” he asks breathily, his sweaty forehead sticking to your skin.

“inside,” you moan, your toes curling. “cum inside me, sunghoon,”

he just about loses it at that, fucking into you with everything he can manage and sinking his nails into the fat of your hips to hold you still. you’re overstimulated and your brain is foggy so you keep squirming around, involuntarily squeezing your walls around his length. it’s not too much later that he finally releases, painting your cunt with milky white ropes of cum.

he slumps forward once he’s given all he has to offer, his chest flat against yours while he attempts to regulate his breathing. the two of you lie there for a bit, recovering from what just happened. eventually he pulls out and disappears into the bathroom, only to return with a warm and damp washcloth seconds after. he hands it to you wordlessly and you awkwardly clean yourself up, wincing due to the acute sensitivity you were feeling. sunghoon sits beside you, naked and silent.

you think it’s funny how he was so confident not even ten minutes ago and now he’s acting like a shy teenager. you know you have to talk about the situation at hand and what it means for your relationship, but in this moment, the cloudiness of your head subsided, that fear of rejection has creeped back in. was it just a temporary lapse of judgment on his part? did he just feel attraction towards you because you dolled yourself up for once?

the insecurity rushes in like a tsunami wave and you want nothing more than to get out of here before you drown.

“i—”

“we—”

you both speak at the same time, cutting each other off before you can continue. he gestures for you to go first and you sigh, reaching for the t-shirt thrown over the bedpost from this morning. you slip it on, along with your discarded underwear, to hide your body, comparatively aware of how exposed you were. he follows suit, putting his underwear back on.

“i think i should sleep somewhere else tonight.” you say, your tone uneasy.

sunghoon’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “w-what? why?”

“it’s already awkward enough,” you avoid his eyes. “i don’t think sleeping in the same bed is gonna help.”

“i was just trying to put together the right words,” he explains, brows still furrowed. “i don’t wanna give you a half assed confession after we just had sex, y’know? you deserve something more intimate than that.”

you blink, thrown for a loop by his admission. well now you felt like an idiot.

“c-confession?” you stutter, resembling a cartoon character with your jaw on the ground.

“did you— did you think i was gonna treat this as a random hookup?” his lips form a frown, like he was offended by your assumption.

“um, yeah? i mean, you never really expressed any interest in me before tonight, sunghoon. you’ve only ever talked about other girls you’ve fucked around with. you can’t really blame me.” you play with the hem of the (his) t-shirt.

his hand finds its way under your chin, lifting it so you have to look at him. the glint in his eyes is soft and you will away the tears threatening to appear. “you really have no idea huh?”

“what are you talking about?” you sniffle.

“y/n, i’ve been in love with you for like five years. any time i’ve talked about another girl, it was to see whether or not you seemed bothered by it. did you actually think i felt nothing for you?” sunghoon snorts, wiping away a stray tear that rolls down your cheek.

“yeah,” you laugh, feeling a little silly for not knowing he liked you this entire time. “i guess i was blinded by my own emotions.”

“that’s why it made me mad that you were hitting it off so well with that jisung guy,” he holds one of your hands in his lap, caressing your knuckles with his thumb. “i kinda figured you felt the same, but i was starting to doubt it after that.”

“hoon, i was only doing that ‘cause i thought i had no chance with you,” you shake your head. “if you had told me sooner, all of this could’ve been prevented.”

“or if you told me sooner.” he adds with a shrug.

you lightly poke his chest with a playful eye roll. he smiles at you fondly and you think this is perfect. you weren’t expecting the night to go in this direction, but you definitely aren’t complaining. somehow you feel like heeseung is to thank, in an odd way. (you’d never let him know that though.)

“can i kiss you again? for real this time?” sunghoon asks, scooting a little closer to you on the bed.

you nod, leaning into him so you can connect your lips in a sweet kiss. it’s not full of hunger or desire, but it still has that same passion from earlier. it’s loving and it’s everything you’ve ever needed from a kiss with park sunghoon.

you don’t get to indulge in the moment any longer, though, a thud sounding outside your room and hushed voices filtering from under the door. you and sunghoon share a look.

“shut the fuck up, they’re gonna hear us!”

“you’re the one being loud, what are you saying?”

“jake shut your fucking mouth, don’t back talk me.”

“wait why are they quiet?”

“shhh!”

sunghoon scoffs before he opens the door, revealing your friends all gathered in front of it. jake and kai fall forward, ears first. they give you guilty smiles when they realize they’ve been caught, chuckling uncomfortably.

“beomgyu, you owe me five bucks.” heeseung says when he takes notice of the clothes strewn across the room.

nevermind. lee heeseung truly was the bane of your existence.

© yeonjunszn. do not steal, claim, or repost.

[the-s1lly-corner]

I’m hoping this is the inbox- pls help I’m used to just reading what’s in the tags on tumblr and never requesting anything 🥹

I hope you’re having an amazing day/night/whatever time of day it is for you-!!! I just found your blog and I am so happy I did!! I’ve been binge reading it but the fact that I found someone who writes for Creepypasta???? I’m??? In luv??? (platonically ofc) may I request some LJ with a fem!reader who has bpd and he’s their fp, carries his little music box everywhere she goes and always “talks” to him in public, not caring about any crazy looks she gets from people?

Also politely asking to be 🩶 anon (if you’re taking any ofc-)

Laughing Jack x fem!reader w/ BPD who has him as her FP!

UEUEUEUE im so happy to hear you love my writing sm ehehehe! always thrilled to hear people enjoying my stuff/that it makes them happy! i hope you enjoy this, i havent written a reader with BPD before so i hope this is decent! also also youre doing wonderful; requesting i mean! i dont think theres many rules against how youre meant to request (every blog is different though!!)

honestly i think hes genuinely thrilled to be taken around and about with you in his little box! usually hes sitting in his box waiting for an unfortunate soul to take it home; its been like this for... a while now... so actually being able to go around and see things is a nice change of pace! plus it makes him feel more included in your life rather than just being an "at home friend"

i think in the beginning youre going to have to ask him to pipe down a little since he might talk a little too loud... like near yelling because hes just so excited

loves helping you shop :)! quick heads up though he might beg you to buy stuff you guys dont need

general silly ideas aside, i think hed be chattering the entire time so you two probably always have a conversation going on whenever you guys are out

probably sneers at people who give you looks tbh, will probably trip them if they decide to be a little ruder and mutter something under their breath while theyre passing by you... i mean they cant prove anything! they just tripped on air! jack totally didnt swipe one of his long arms out and tug their ankle back!

the only downside is that jack cant do much outside of talking and sneaking stuff around since him just fully popping out his box might blow his cover, you know? doesnt mean he doesnt have the urge to jump out when he sees you getting a little stressed out or overwhelmed about your surroundings or when someone is being particularly cruel

though i dont doubt hes remembering faces; i mean at the end of the day hes still a clown that specializes in torment, do i really need to say what hes cooking up in his brain?

no in cases where you're beginning to struggle hes probably going to try to quietly urge you to disconnect and take a breather

keeps your favorite candies on him at all times and slips them into your hand, probably does the same to any stress/fidget toys you may or may not have.. though i do hc he can just materialize certain things and i can easily see that sort of thing falling into something he can just yoink into existence

very good at reassuring you of your worth and how much you mean to him; this is a general thing but i think he makes it more of a point if self image is something you particularly struggle with

who would have thunk it, the clown with abandonment issues is good at reassuring others that hes not going to go anywhere

[alienaiver]

Behind the scenes

the lovely @dira333 tagged me in this and its sooo fun!! the questions are so amazing and id like to give it my best with some in depth answers, since learning these facts about one of my favorite writers here was so fun !!!!! behind the scenes of writing is so good to share!!

Started writing: i think ive always been writing. i remember when we used to have one computer for the entire family in the early 00's and had little screentime, i set alarms to 4-5am (with no concept of what that Would Do To Me emotionally without sleep LMAO) JUST to get some time to write in peace. my first fanfictions i published was on a homemade forum page with a friend when i was 11!

Started blogging: ive had my tumblr since 2009-ish where ive been a rp'er over multiple times and published d gray man and no. 6 fanfictions in 2011-12ish. i was also active on livejournal before i found fanfiction.net !! but this specific blog was made in may 2021!!! the reader inserts came then :3

Followers: i actually JUST hit 300 two days ago!!! which is very exciting. i dont always look at the number, since it doesnt necessarily correlate with engangement, but its fun to see the uptick!!

Communication: i genuinely love love LOVE the social part of social media, and communications so important to me. theres nothing better than reblogs with comments you can bounce off of, asks, dm's and all that! sadly, my disability makes it so hard for me to have continuous contact and im 90% of the time the one to drop the ball when it comes to replying :(( thats why its extra important to me/special with the mutuals who keeps reaching out and dont have the same social expectations about replying. even if im unable to reply the day that i receive the message, it still brings great joy seeing the notif!

Likes: i dont mind them! generally its not that important to me whether or not my followers interact a lot. a like still means the world to me. of course a reblog is much better and engages so much more (+ boosts me!!), but theyre good for my soul, too!

Requests: i get very few requests :( i think i like them, but i havent gotten enough to actually get a feel on whether or not it kills my writing spirit? generally i get very excited to be able to deliver something and it gets me up from the bed to write, but i sometimes fear im not providing what they wanted! its anxiety-inducing in some ways, but i love a good little writing challenge !!

Writing: i loove love love love writing for hours at a time, hyperfixating on it. sadly, my cat snøfle is Very Jealous of both my laptop and pc. giving him a substitution sadly doesnt help</3 so my writing is often limited to specific times of day, and when he gets tired of my keyboard clack-clack-clacking, its time to put on some one piece while he naps on me! i wish i could write more works or just scenes on my phone, but it hurts my hands So Much, so i only write small one shots when im heavily inspired but snøfles in A Mood!!

genre wise im a fluffy type. maybe some hurt/comfort but always leaning towards comfort. id like to write more disability fics to spread both awareness and visibility, but i sometimes struggle with putting in my own disabilities and not make them too personal or too detailed for others to not relate. its an overthinking problem, so i often procrastinate writing them., bcos i fear itll be too niche! but i always get positive feedback (excpet for that one time with inked coffee lmao) so im not sure whats holding me back!!!

i always listen to music when i write, and it differs a lot. when i wrote the star and the earth i listened to a lot of medieval-inspired music, and made a specific playlist for that. but when i write on my modern au's or canon compliant bnha/haikyuu, anything goes!

i love putting in 'boring' every day stuff into my fics, or small scenes that dont necessarily advance the plot but just gives a feel of the characters.

speaking of snøfle ^ i am no longer allowed to write for the evening.... so ill start some apothecary diaries and enjoy a cold soda on this hot and humid evening !!! mwuah mwuah if u read this far thank you, and i love you. i love all of you <3333

no pressure tags as always but would love to hear the answers and get to know u all! @cup-of-fluff @true-deru @mirandabarma @illuminiscentboba @tetsuskei @threadbaresweater @krystalgaia @petriquors @ktsumu @moonbeamwritings @ohtokki

[gamblersdoll]

just wanted to say that i do see the asks. im coming to them as soon as i can. some asks i cannot do because some things i am not able to do. (im not familiar with gn reader writing. ive always been fem since.. yeah.) and it does take me some time to gather an idea up. plus some of them are borderline demanding.

another reason is because of the fact i dont write certain characters. me not writing a specific character≠ i wont writing anything. ive even gotta a “can you write deku x allmight ship that fuck each other then reader” and thats like— not okay 🌚.

yes i can write taboo things. like age gaps, (recently got a death threat for that.) or dilfs or sukuna eating your pussy as you bleed. but i am learning what i like with yall.

and finally, sending so many duplicate asks does not mean i havent seen the original. more than likely im thinking of an idea, or the idea has already been made and published.

asks are usually seen, saved, and kept until an idea is published or present. if its never published, it’s probably because i either already made a post about it or just plain creepy, or i dont write for it.

i love you, im getting to you as fast as i can. 🩶🫶🏾

[silverpen-and-paper]

Hey, Thank you once again for writing out your ask game, even though I have decided to do (what some would probably think is) the insanity method in tackling it all in order, I'm actually enjoying formulating some of my answers in my head before I get to them! I realised that I hadn't asked you anything yet. No pressure at all to answer quickly but my blog today made me wonder about your answer to 2. How did Loki become part of your life?

you’re welcome, and thank you for asking!! warning that this is really, really long

(link to the ask game: https://www.tumblr.com/silverpen-and-paper/760422804601634816/2011-2013-loki-ask-game-i-havent-seen-one)

early 2021: it started with the wandavision series. before then, no one in my family had watched a marvel movie. but the trailer intrigued my parents, and after watching several episodes and liking them, they decided we should try to catch up on the rest of the mcu; yknow, make it a family thing, one-ish movie a week.

i (fourteen at the time) didn’t expect to like marvel. my family started watching wandavision without me, but after they kept saying how good it was, i started watching it too, on my own. they also started watching the other marvel movies without me (i don’t recall the reason, but it was almost definitely my idea). i remember getting ice cream as i watched iron man 1 on my phone, decidedly ignoring whatever marvel movie they were watching in the next room so i wouldn’t get spoiled. pretty soon i got ahead of them, and the family watch nights became my second viewing of the movies.

i had a penpal who was really into marvel movies. her favorite characters were bucky, natasha (i think?), and — drumroll — loki! i don’t remember her telling me any details about them (i think we mostly wrote to each other about warrior cats at the time) but i do remember being excited to see what the big deal with them was. basically, loki was kind of a shiny character from the beginning.

i started watching thor 1 while swinging on the swingset in my backyard. i remember going inside during one of the scenes set in the observatory, thinking something along the lines of “no wonder [penpal’s name] loves loki so much.” unfortunately i don’t remember which scene it was.

i wish i knew exactly why i was drawn to loki out of all other marvel characters, but i have no memories of consciously thinking about it. my best guess is that it had something to do with their situation mirroring my own as a queer person raised in a queerphobic household (discovering you are the thing you & the people around you have been taught to hate). but i was still queerphobic at the time, so if that was the reason, maybe it was subconscious or suppressed. or i just forgot.

i didn’t acknowledge loki as my favorite character for a long time, actually, which might have something to do with me not remembering that. until early 2023(?) i was determined to be Not Cliché and Not Cringe. i often said (to myself, in my daydreams about what i would post on tumblr when i was finally allowed to have an account) that all mcu characters were equally my favorite. yeah, maybe my self-insert daydreams were the most fun when loki was in the scene, but it’s not like they were favorite character or anything (/s)! 

anyway: unfortunately, since i was watching the movies at a pace much faster than the rest of my family (i watched two a day at least once), i didn’t absorb them as much as i wish i would’ve. i was able to remember random facts about them that my family didn’t and make plot/character/etc connections during my rewatches, but if i could do it all over again i would pay more attention.

i remember being ECSTATIC at the loki series trailer. by the time loki series s1 began to release, i think we had just reached falcon & the winter soldier in our mcu watchlist. so pretty much all caught up. i was fifteen by this point.

i was part of some teen forums during that time. there was a loki fan on there who i really admired, who was always changing profile pictures to a new comics loki or loki fanart. in anticipation of the series, that fan made a loki thread. it was my first experience Actually interacting with fandom. previously, i’d relied on google search for grainy fanart and buzzfeed articles for one-sided discussions. i had access to some tumblr — sometimes the actual website until i hit the “make an account” wall, usually screenshots from pinterest — but i never actually Talked to anybody. posting my reactions and thoughts in that loki thread after every episode and discussing the events with the others in the there will always be an experience i treasure.

(funniest occurrence that happened on there was when i found some article theorizing loki & sylvie’s romance before the first episode had even released. it was purely based off of the trailer. i posted the link, paired with some sentence that conveyed the general feeling of an amused “what??????” everyone else’s response was a similar sentiment. one person said “no, i don’t think disney would do something like that.” oh, children…)

i was so excited that when the first episode came out, i woke up extra early to watch it before everybody else in my house. i don’t think i even set an alarm, i was just fueled by pure excitement. i wanted to make sure my first watch could be alone, with no one interrupting or distracting me. i did that with most, if not all, of the rest of the episodes.

and i did enjoy it! i had only watched each of the other movies twice, and i was fifteen, so i didn’t have all the nitpicks i have now. there were some things that bothered me, some inconsistencies i noticed (“why didn’t loki read those papers before they signed them? that seems unusual for them” & “i don’t feel like loki would have risked getting drunk in such a high-stakes situation, but it happened, so i guess loki would??” & “why did loki ask the other lokis if they’ve ever seen a woman variant? isn’t loki supposed to be genderfluid?” — tho i was still queerphobic at the time, so back then i was more confused than bothered by that last one.) but i brushed them off.

i remember a conversation between my mom and i — she remarked on how she thought loki seemed too different in the series, that their personality changed too fast. i parroted the explanation that i’d seen going around online at the time (yknow, the “loki watching those moments of their life all at once speedran their character development” one). my mom didn’t seem fully convinced, but nodded politely. i had a niggling kernel of “this explanation doesn’t make sense to me” in my chest, but i didn’t acknowledge it. acknowledging it would mean disliking the series, and i wanted to like the series. if i disliked it, i would be upset, and i did *not* want to ruin the one thing that was bringing me joy. (it had been quarantine for roughly a year and a half by that time, and to say i hadn’t been coping very well is an understatement.)

after the series ended, i listened to the loki: where mischief lies audiobook. i remember feeling conflicted about it. partially for homophobic reasons, partially for some characterization and worldbuilding qualms. i do want to read it again though, to see how much i like now.

during the months of late 2021, i was depressed — probably clinically?, but i didn’t get a diagnosis, so idk. i think i had been for a while by that point, but those months were particularly bad. loki was a big comfort for me. i didn’t feel fully mentally better until the spring/summer of the following year, when i finally found the argument that convinced me it wasn’t a sin to be queer (🎉). i’d been searching for one for a while. with my mind no longer preoccupied with that and with more distance from the series, i slowly found myself agreeing with criticisms about it that i hadn’t previously.

time skip! autumn 2023, just before s2 began to release:

i had just recently made this tumblr blog. by this time, i did not think the show’s writing was good, but i was still able to enjoy it. as i say in my intro post, i liked the concepts (generally), but hated the execution — for me, my like of the concepts was strong enough that the bad execution didn’t sour it to the point of being unable to watch it. i was excited to see what would happen. partly because i had hope the new directors/writers would retroactively fix some stuff, mostly because i already had some ideas for a rewrite and i wanted to know all the s2 details so i could shuffle & rework them. and i was able to have fun with it for a while! …uuuuntil the finale.

the mounting dread as i watched the finale unfortunately didn’t prepare me enough for the ending. i had expected to be dissatisfied with it, yeah, but in a “well that was fun! :D time to dismember it in my fanfic now” way. i wasn’t expecting it to cost me 10000+ mental health points. (turns out it isn’t good for you when your special interest of multiple years suddenly gets poisoned in a way that makes you start crying whenever you think about it. who knew!)

so after that i had to tediously train myself to stop thinking about it so i could take a break until i felt better. that mostly just consisted of me scrambling to find other hyperfixations that would distract me from thinking about loki.

in mid-july (of this year), i was taking a break from the internet for about a week. my littlest sister and i watched thor 1, the avengers, and thor 2 together. (the rest of our family invited themselves to watch it with us, which was not ideal, but it did give me more people to infodump to afterwards.) that pretty solidly reignited my spinterest, and i’ve had more happy loki thoughts during the time between then and now than i have during the previous twelve months. i also figured out and feel more confident in several of my opinions now.

i also started working on my series rewrite again a few weeks ago. i think finishing it would help me a lot, because i did still get pretty melancholy about that finale once or twice since july, and if i write it all out i can more easily pretend it’s canon instead. plus i think i have some good ideas for it! i probably won’t talk about it unless someone asks me, and i won’t release any chapters unless i’ve completely finished writing it, but i like what i’ve planned for it so far.

so yeah! all caught up now, i think.

[moonjxsung]

Hiii😊😊, I just wanted to say that I've come to a point in my life where everything I face now just seems to put this heavy pressure on my chest. I don't want to sound dramatic or anything but you, your stories, your blog, the way you talk to us, everything just feels like such a warm hug. I havent been hugged since so long and just being here makes me feel at peace. Thank you so so soooo much star for giving me a chance to feel this way again. I have never really written a message to anyone online before, so I hope I'm not crossing a line by saying all this. It must get tiring responding to so many messages in a day so you dont have to respond. Just please know that I have grown to be a happier person because of you. Being called 'pookie' by you is another privilige I get to have and I'm ever so grateful for that.

I hope you are well and so is your family. English is not my first language so apologies if I have made any errors 😅

Continue to shine brightly with a smile on your face💛🌻

This might be the single SWEETEST message I have ever had the pleasure of receiving oh my god 🥹🫶💓🩷💕 first off no need to thank me, I think the little safe space we’ve built on this blog has been ENTIRELY you guys and your willingness to talk to me and with each other and just be amazing people. I’ve said it so many times but the fact that people even want to talk to me is just baffling to me and I feel SO lucky to be able to interact with you guys in this capacity. Your messages and your feedback and the jokes you guys drop in my inbox… truly something so so special I’m able to just be a small part of. I’m so lucky to have you guys on here!

Thank you so so much for these kind words and I am so grateful that my blog can be a safe space for you while you navigate your life right now. I hope things are going well for you and whether they’re going good or not, you will ALWAYS have a place here with all of us in the fandom and I welcome your messages or your rants or even just your presence with open arms. This is a home for you guys as much as it is for me and our bond is all thanks to you!

Sending you all my love angel, also don’t apologize for English not being your first language! The fact that you even wrote a message at all makes me eternally grateful, you can write to me in whatever language you wish and I’ll still be grateful. Sending you so many warms hugs my pookie, take care of yourself for me!! Love you lots 💓💕🩷🫶👼

[okthatsgreat]

i am GRABBING YOU and SHAKING YOU. did you know your mikane is the craziest. did you. did you know that. last chapter drove me so far up the wall i am still yet to calmndown...... poor mikan. imagine ur emotionally repressed gf runs away again only for two children w the exact same problem to come barging through your door.

i have so many things to ask........ but i shan't ask them all. please please tell me anything about ur ideas for mikane in general or in oppdmh bc they're the most crazy insane yuri ever. OH RIGHT YEAH AND. the actual question. obviously opddmh mikan still struggles with anxiety, but how do you think she's changed in mentality and issues after everything that came after danganronpa? any issues outgrown or gained? morphed in some way? love ur work so much every time. u made me pause my utena rewatch and that is such a big compliment u do not even know

GRABS YOU SHAKES YOUSHAKESYOU SHAKES YOU SHAKES YOU

talking about this fic, as always putting the answer under read more for people who dont wanna read lol!!!!!!!

OHHH MY GOD IM INSANE ABOUT THEMM. went into this fic knowing that i wanted mikan and akane to have their own povs because i thought theyd bring different perspectives, especially in comparison to makoto's pov. i knew what i wanted mikans story to involve and i had a vague idea about akanes (fun fact rantaro was originally gonna be kaito LOL) and then like two chapters into writing mikans point of view i was like waiiiitttt a minute. wait a minute hold on. what if they were in love. and what if they were so not normal about it

it made so much sense for the story i wanted both of them to tell that immediately i went into my notes and started pivoting a few things LMFAO. i just think that their relationship (or their pining at least lol) is able to neatly underline some of their core themes/issues in this fic, whether that be for better or for worse. through the lens of their relationship im hoping to convey mikan's sheer capacity of worry and insecurity, how she finds it difficult to move through life without another person to rely on even if she has done a bit of growing since the simulator and how that dependency affects her. and then of course akane's emotional repression is highlighted through their relationship (her forgetfulness, her inability to communicate, LEAVING all of the time), but also it's a great reminder of just how protective akane can get even if she isn't there. not to mention how worried she gets about mikan despite her absolute refusal to worry.

they care about each other to the point of unspoken codependency and while it is absolutely making both of them feel safe and happy it is still a reminder of their underlying problems. akane would do anything to avoid somebody thinking she is weak enough to be cared for. but all mikan can do is care and care and care about her. both of them are so willing to shoulder the problems of the other but neither of them want to be seen as burdens, so all they end up doing is silently dance around their issues until eventually somebody caves. INSANE YURI MOMENT

mikan still absolutely has anxiety LMFAO and dare i say..... she's...... kind of better????????????????????? or maybe not actually. going into this i had to think about how to write these characters in a way that felt true to who they are but also remembering that they have GROWN, even if danganronpa really makes them feel as if they havent lol. this is a mikan who has likely endured years of therapy, even if that therapy is SHIT at best. this is also a mikan who has been shoved into the spotlight rather forcibly and has basically been given the choice to adapt or die. so i probably shouldnt say that shes "better", it's more that shes had to modify herself to fit this new lifestyle of hers. she hasnt been given much of a choice, and i imagine shes had a few years to really fuck up and struggle before reaching this point. she is constantly in the spotlight and basically always under scrutiny, so ive sort of swayed away from her wanting attention and focused more on how she reacts to this attention-- shes grown bitter from the negative and she doesnt think she deserves most of the positive. it's this hurricane of problems with mikan and a lot of it involves her own struggle to view herself as a good person, which stems heavily from the insecurities she already had in her game and intensified by what happened outside of it. years of being seen as this iconic chapter three killer has absolutely worn her down a bit, but there is still a part of her that yearns for control over her life and the people surrounding it. she is still SO anxious, ive tried to really hammer home quite a few recurring symptoms with her like her nervous tics, sickness/lack of appetite, hair shedding, etc!! and she is extremely bitter about how shes been treated, too, which im hoping to elaborate on further on down the line. however she really, REALLY can not be passing out in front of cameras or throwing any fits about the exploitation shes endured since shes been a teen because the company she works for wont accept anything that isnt on brand. and underneath it all shes still that scared little kid that desperately wants to please

she's an older mikan but she is still very much hurting, not necessarily any less but in a way that's a bit different if that makes sense :)

you are SO FUCKING NICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <33333333333

[spikeinthepunch]

my healing from surgery is pretty good right now, im in hardly any pain and im generally doing normal stuff around the house (minus strenuous activity etc that i am ordered to not do). these past weeks have been so busy and have left me wanting to create or Something. and im not in a physical condition to draw right now, sadly (irritation from bending over is not good)

but i am sitting down to write, i havent written anything since late october. i keep thinking about What i have been writing these past months. i phased out of mcyt for a bit when i got into lisa, and wrote quite a number of things for lisa-- which i enjoyed because i was much weirder/experimental with those one shots. they were also done with the intent of writing dark and triggering subjects, because i just never let myself just... let go and do that.

i was throwing so much of it out there though that i hope no one actually thinks i was constantly in a horrible mental state that entire time lol. they were triggering, sure, but it was a major exploration in writing and dropping my own personal boundaries. my most recent fic lightly explored trauma recovery too, and im again writing something that is very sensitive.

it feels good in a different way bc like i said im not... in a bad mental place. if this was 15 year old me itd be a different story. but also, that different story would be 15 year old me being far too afraid to even write anything like this at all. which is fine for past me-- i am glad i didnt get into detail trauma dumping as a teen in this way lol. the fact of the matter is that i had scared myself forever into never writing anything like this in a way that wasn't surface level because of the anxiety i could be judged for 1) doing it 'wrong' 2) seen as 'bad' bc i explored something bad 3) being expected to defend myself in the form of disclosing trauma/mental illness/etc

i think i have broken through that barrier now in the last months and its simply cathartic to be able to dive into what i had previously held myself back on ever exploring.

[chaoxfix]

Heyo!! I hope this isn't out of the blue or anything, but firstly:

I loved your story, "sink or swim," so much! There's much I could say, but to keep it simple, it was a great read and very refreshing. The way you write is so immersive and honestly inspires me to improve on my writing. You have the best stories out there in the fandom, so thank you for being so awesome! 😎👍

With that said, I've been on Unleashed mode lately, and by that I mean I keep thinking about Sonic and Chip's friendship LOL It's just really sweet and has a special place in my heart.

Since I saw Sonic mention about him in "sink or swim," it got me curious as to how you view their friendship. :0

Again, I'm sorry if this was random, but hey! Doesn't hurt to ask lol

Thank you so much for reading all this, and I hope your week continues to be a good one. Have a blessed day!

aw, thank you so much! there are a number of really talented sonic fic writers though, not just me, so if you havent branched out i recommend it! i highly recommend anything i've got in my bookmarks tab (some great gems from peachyburst, pidgetails/bigdamnher0, sagenebula, imagination_junkyard, sketchjii, reipinto) as well as gayemeralds new account! <3

as for chip and sonic... hmmmmm... that's a great question! im definitely not as familiar with chip's characterization as sonic's, but here's what i think about their friendship:

i think sonic misses a lot of what could've been. i think, sonic thought they'd be friends for a really long time, and might feel robbed of many years of friendship.

they work well together, and in a lot of ways have matching core values. chip's really outgoing and kind, so he meshes well with sonic's similarly fun-loving and friendly nature. though sonic's a bit more sarcastic and adrenaline-junkie than chip, they both live for new experiences, and i think sonic enjoyed being with someone else who really liked smelling the roses, seeing the sights, etc, while also understanding the importance and being able to power through the hard parts of adventures.

...and chip has the added benefit of being someone sonic was helping for most of their friendship, which made sonic feel responsible for him (something that endears a lot of younger characters to him, like cream).

the fact that chip had to be re-sealed in the end is probably something that sonic regrets, probably wishes he could've found another way. usually he's the one for a big sacrifice -- except he always finds a way to power through. losing a friend... that's got to be hard on him.

hope this is something you enjoyed reading! again, not as familiar with chip, but i like their chemistry together, they're very fun.

[goodfully]

kinda just wanted to ramble about "the idiot" by dostoyevsky before i actually start reading it! ive only read the introduction by the translator (richard pevear) at the moment but ahh my goodness. most of this is probably obvious and known facts about the book, but since i havent read it nor know much about dostoyevsky, im genuinely just really excited hahaha

the painting "the body of the dead christ in a tomb" by hans holbein the younger was mentioned to have really impacted dostoyevsky.. and ofc also for the book. i hadnt seen it, or heard of it actually, until then, and goodness.. its.. intense. idk if thats a good word to describe it, but i get why dostoyevskys wife thought he was about to have another epilepsy attack after staring at it for a long time without moving.

i think the big thing to dostoyevsky about the painting was "can you still believe in god if you saw the disfigured corpse of christ? can you still believe hed resurrect?" i mean, as someone who isnt christian, thats such a crazy and interesting thing to think about. like the contrast between our social reality and our beliefs about the divine. for dostoyevsky tho, considering what (i think) he believed in, this makes it even more interesting... like to write a book that discusses that painting, that had confronted your beliefs with something so extreme it leaves you pale and shocked. but getting over how youd feel seeing that painting would make your beliefs even stronger right?

anyway, i kinda already knew that the protagonist prince myshkin was to be a christ-like figure. like what if god were a man, just a man who would die like depicted in holbeins painting, and stay dead? even if he was perfect and ideal, but powerless?

the introduction also said a few things about rogozhin and ippolit and how they are defined in relation to that painting (along with prince myshkin), as well as how they are prince myshkins doubles? i dont know anything about the book and its other characters so far ofc, but im excited to meet them both!

unfortunately am still really busy for quite a few more days, or maybe for months? it was a nice break, but im excited to start grad school soon! ive just been packing these days... everything feels messy and im exhausted, but i should be able to start reading the book soon! ive had the copy in my hands for a few days already but have had too much going on to sit down and read it, however, i should be able to read it during my flight tmr! im excited to read this book hahaha i dont know why, i feel more excited to read this than i did for the brothers karamazov.

speaking of grad school... my old philosophy professor emailed me stuff to read (just intro philosophy things and about spinoza hahaha), which honestly made me really happy! but goodness, theres so much to read... and i know once school starts, ill be needing to read a lot for my classes too. part of me hopes to finish reading the idiot before my classes start.. but its unlikely hahaha

[wheredarknessarises]

long post ahead (just a sea of thoughts)...

a couple days ago i had a fight with my partner and i said a lot of mean things i didn’t mean to. i was full of rage but as the day was ending i went to see him. he hugged me and i melted. i apologized for hurting him.

“we hurt each other unintentionally” is what he said and it struck to me. he was right we both hurt each other without knowing and end up fighting. i’m glad i made up with him that day too.

unfortunately, my day ended up being fine but his. didn’t. he had another issue that i can’t be a help of.

it has been two?three days? maybe more, i lost count, since we conversed properly. it hurts, a lot. but what can i do? i’m just a twenty three year old girl living with her parents with absolutely no freedom and is reviewing for her board exam. there wasn’t really anything i could do for him. i cant go to him, do you expect me to go to him in the middle of the night to console him? as much as my heart desire to, I CAN’T. 

good thing he had friends that can listen to him and be with him. it is a good thing right? but why do i feel so envious? why do i feel so left out? i wanted to be the one consoling him, the one he shares his problems, his laughter, to be by his side until everything is okay. fck. just fck my life.

i’ve been feeling so tired physically, mentally, and emotionally. what a great combination isn’t it. tired from my effing errands yesterday and i think my bloody ass strong pain reliever still has its effects on me until now (it made me vomit last night too, my hotshots all wasted). i slacked off from reviewing today, i just slept the whole fcking day. my partner’s been updating me which i appreciate but all i could say was “okay love, i love you more” and thats it very unusual of me. 

then i realized what i was feeling, what i actually am. i am a jealous selfish bitch who wants her partner all by herself and want to be included all the time and fix others problem so she will feel better too. thats who i am. am i proud of it? no, of course not, thats why i am writing this sht as post for me to realize what i really am (writing is my coping mechanism im sorry guys)

i cant accept the fact that my partner after so many yrs has friends to rely on that arent my friends as well. that he’s able to laugh again because of them and on those days that we havent been talking he was with them. i havent seen him for months, i havent been able to vidcall with him, talk to him, spend time with him virtually while they were. i fcking envy them, i am the girlfriend but i am absent on his difficult time i dont even know what the problem is and i respect him if he cant tell me right now because we have our own fcking problems we want to deal with by ourselves. but since i am a selfish bitch i always wanna know i wanna know i want to be there i want to be the shoulder he cries on i want to be the one he’s with drinking his night away. but im not, and its never gonna be me unless i leave this fcking house. right now, its just not me. and i have to accept that but it doesnt me i cant be hurt because i accepted it right?

oh and i just remembered, i wrote him a fcking letter last night, it was national boyfriends day yesterday right? i dont know if he even noticed or if he appreciated it. i know its not the right time to think about it like the person’s having personal problems and im gonna put that fcking letter and fcking sumone first? i’m not dumb but again it doesnt mean i cannot get hurt.

but i am not mad, i wont be mad, i dont want to add more problems so ill fix this myself i am not relying this problem to him this is my issue that i have to solve on my own. and to conclude i admit i am selfish and jealous and toxic. so i am gonna fix it. if you read all of these then fck you just wasted your goddamn time but thank you for reading my thoughts. gotta go to my review now. ciao.

[xherry7816]

holy moly xherry7816 you've reached 50 likes !!!! ive been working on some gi designs for the ninja but ive been struggling to show off their individuality while still looking like their gi but i havent actually looked up reference of gi so in pretty sure that should be the first step.

ok so the au (still unnamed) taking place in a slightly canon divergent season 5 MORRO is currently after the realm crystal in his attempts to bring the PREEMINENT (?) to NINJAGO and like destroy it or whatever, solid stuff. except whats different here is that MORRO does not go and posses LLOYD as his first step because he'd struggle more as a human than if he were a ghost so he and his ghoul gang decide to get the hard stuff out the way, the ninja chasing them to put a stop to him obviously. also in this au NYA is not told by WU that she is the water ninja, instead she receives her awakening when defending one of the team from a ghost and then hes like omg :0 !#!%#!$#??

the au starts off with the mission to retrieve the realm crystal on time (before MORRO) because even if he beats them to everythinf else MORRO cant do anything without the crystal. unfortunately for them !!! MORRO is already a few steps ahead and when they reach the resting place of the FSM they find the ghost, crystal in hand. boom boom battle !! and theyre all fighting anf there are ghosts everywhere (NYA is not here bc remember KAI isnt supposed to know hes the water ninja yet) and MORRO is very clearly goig after LLOYD. wait, ok wait i need to type up my thinking process rn or else it wont make sense when i read everything back bc isnt only a spinjulistu master able to find the tomb,,,,, ermmm OK LLOYD possesion- no i cant do that to him. its an au whatever, so yeah MORRO'S in there crystal in hand going after greenie and KAI kicks in yk the brother stuff so theyr fighting anf stuff and like idk MORRO knocks KAI off his feet anf starts heading towards LLOYD again so as a last ditch effort KAI fires towards MORRO and it hits the crystal aaaa ! even thought i cant possibly imagine the crystal being so weak i can just say the power of love made him stronger bc those tight family bonds (im a sucker 4 found famiky but who isnt these days). and then its kinda like the scene in SONIC PRIME where the prism goes boom !! and theres a shockwave and it looks cool and then u see SONIC traversing through the SHATTERVERSE 4 the first time and then he ends up in NEW YOKE, except its KAI landing in the PRIME EMPIRE CITY with all his friends looking different and jazz. the whole mission is to retrive the realm crystal shards and put them back 2gether so he can get home and finish the fight with MORRO. for the og universe i kinda just imagine time stops so 4 the ninja itd look like KAI disappears for a few moments and then comes right back. as i did mention when i was vaugely describing universe 1 (PRIME EMPIRE divergent i hope im usong that word right btw) KAI doesnt stay long in that universe so just like in SONIC PRIME he will return to some universes, whether on purpose or not, to retrieve the shards

i was wondering if i should write a fanfic bc thats what most people seem 2 do but im not really good with keeping up the motivation to write, i used 2 have a miraculous ninjago crossover on ao3 (literally called miraculous bc im unoriginal) but after like 5 updates i did updates like one every 3 months and then deleted it lol so im probably jist going to let this au die when i get tired of it !!!! tbh i need to rewatch ninjago bc im forgetting all my facts (and a SONIC PRIME rewatch not that i really need to but its very good har har)

btw i hope its obvious that my username was supposed 2 be CHERRY, like my name, but i misspelt it and thought it looked cool.

should i make a tag 4 this au ??? its not really hard 2 find it since its pretty much all i post and i dont even know what 2 call it,,, ill just think abt it 4 now :D

[hikari-writes]

Heyyoo,,,

It's me, that bitch Hikari who disappeared without saying a word for two whole years-

Owkdnkwndjw where do i start man-

First of all, I am deeply, truly, sorry for disappearing on you guys like that, really. I owe you guys an explanation but tbh i just think im making excuses at this point. But i just wanna say that Im sorry. Im really really sorry…

I promised myself that i wont be active here again until april of next year (ill explain later as to why) but i thought id just drop in rq to notice you guys that im still here, alive and well, and fortunately not dead yet-

It's been so long since i last wrote any fanfic, and i havent written anything proper ever since 2 years ago, but i rlly miss being able to write,, it was one of my passion, and still is even tho i never wrote anything for the past years,,, id rlly like to come back and revive this dead writing blog once im finally free on april of 2023… I hope you guys will be able to welcome me back at that time with open arms (or just dropkick me for being so inactive i dont mind whichever ahhseilwnekdj)

I have an upcoming big exam next year from february to march 2023, an exam that will carve my path as an adult, which, if any of you malaysians seeing this, yes its SPM. U could say my whole career depends on this, hence why I've been so inactive on tumblr for the past years (and also some other reasons but thats one of it)

I know a lot of my moots have moved on, some still here and some have deactivated or delete their account and all i feel is,, regret. A lot of my moots are what helped me get through my darker moments during quarantine, and the fact that ill probably lose contact with them for forever is horrifying. I wish i had at least contacted them for one last time b4 i disappeared 2 years ago. I wish i was able to ask for their other socmed so that i can still contact them. It's stupid, i know, since I'm the one who disappeared on yall in the first place. I rlly, rlly, am sorry. I just hope you know that. 

I rlly miss you guys. I truly do. Its been so long. You guys are the sweetest people ive ever had the pleasure of knowing and im truly blessed by that fact. I srsly dont deserve you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for always putting up with my antics and simpings, and always just,,, being the sweetest person ever. I truly dont deserve yall. You guys are the reason i still havent deleted or deactivated my acc. I just cant let go of you guys. Thats why i still keep this up even tho im hella inactive. So that i can still come back here, someday. 

Ive gotten into some more fandoms while i was gone, and I'll add that to my masterlist. I promise when i come back, ill write more for you guys (even tho my writing aint nothing special windijskd) 

Thank you again for all the support youve given me for the past years. I appreciate every one of you <333 I have so many things i wanna say but its all jumbled up and my mind's a mess but just know that im sorry and thank you, for just,, everything 💞💞💞 i hope when i come back, i can still be the hikari you guys remember me as 💓

This isn't a goodbye post, far from it. This is simply a see you later post. I love you guys, stay hydrated, and always rmmbr that ure an awesome person who deserves all the love in the world 💗💗💗

-Signing off for now,

Hikari