#i thought at least one would check on me
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#love it#my so called friends havent noticed a thing#ive been quiet in the gc which is unlike me yet still seeing everything and even making tweets that will#up in their feed because i was curious#to see if they even bothered checking out my profile#and if they do they dont care#not a single one of them has checked on me#yet as soon as one of them is acting different i check to make sure theyre ok#and if i say something in the gc ill get fake sympathy#i thought at least one would check on me#my mental health has been shit enough lately and now i see how easy they forget about me.#and despite all that i am still doing things for them#which they are ungrateful for#i want to not post tomorrow's maybe then theyll realise something is wrong#my birthday is next month and im curious if ill be forgotten#everyone elses bdays were remembered#and one of their birthdays would've been forgotten if i hadnt steped in#and yet the others will probably take all the credit for it#this really is depression season#i feel so lonely#i just want a genuine friend#someone whosl cares back#and not only when it suits them#someone actually puts me before their other friends#if anyone reads all this#you must be really bored#tumblr is like shouting into the void#which ironically is almost comforting#i need to stop caring so much about people and become more heartless#but itd not in my nature
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one of my favorite things about zedaph is that on a server full of people that find strange and oft-overlooked minecraft mechanics or rare events and then see just how far they can push them in the name of spectacle or efficiency or world-breaking, zed is over here finding these mechanics in order to do the weirdest things he can think of in as entertaining a manner as possible
like i 100% have faith in zedaph's theoretical ability to be just as efficient or spectacular or world-breaking. if he wanted to do that stuff, i trust that he absolutely could. but thats so far from being his priority. instead, hes going to spend around a week of irl time focused entirely on eventually having the good luck to spawn in something insanely rare so that he can convert it into something even rarer, the result of which being something that 99% of the server reacts with complete and utter shock that it even exists in the first place, just because its zany and funny and he wanted to. and i love that
#zedaph#hermitcraft#genuinely i adore the clucky few project im not even done watching the episode and i had to pause and make this post#i saw impulses video first and went ''that HAS to be some sort of datapack or something-''#only to immediately go ''no. no it cant be. because this is zed#and its practically a trademark of his to push the limits of the game as far as possible in the direction least expected#not for the purpose of efficiency or spectacle or intimidation or whatever like some players who push limits#but purely for the purpose of making something so funny you cant help but laugh at whats going on#and maybe being a bit impressed that he ever thought of it in the first place''#at which point i went ''holy shit. since its zed doing this. somehow he ACTUALLY got a villager on a chicken. with no cheats. thats INSANE'#i was relieved when i checked my subscriptions to see what the next video i had to watch was and saw he would be next in line#bc if i had to sit through 19 other hermits videos before i could watch his and find out what the fuck he was doing i would have been so sa#sidenote but i feel like a zed video where he interacts with this many other people all in the same video is so rare#idk i didnt watch season 9 and i know he started collabing a lot more w/ other hermits then#so maybe its not nearly as rare these days#but like the last one that *i* saw where he interacted with this many people at once was towards the end of season 8#when all the people he experimented on earlier in the season came back to experiment on him#and like i would like zeds videos with or without the collabs. but its a lot of fun to see him interact with people#so its very cool to me when he does it with a lot of people all in the same video
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sneepy cozy time....
#cats#longing to one day hopefully feel sleepy cozy like this again...#There was a pretty cool week here so I thought we had progressed closer to cool fall weather but... NO#..wrong!! It's like 80F in my room right now and was 98F outside yesterday. We get two more 'cooler' days and then#it starts going up again and will be in the high 90s possibly 100 something later this week#in my mind september should be COOOOOLLLL!!!!! or at least STARTING to get there.. Like mid 80s at the highest.#I am going to explode the world with evil wizard powers aaRGHaaHHHHHHHH#OR at least it should get down really low at night. I think thats the main thing is if it's 95 in the day and only 62 for like 3 hours in#the middle of the night then even leaving a fan in windows all night is not enough to fully cool down the house because its just not#enough cold air or cool for long enough. If it were 98 in the day but 15F outside at night then you could probably bring cool air inside al#night and your house would be at a relatively low starting point for the next days heat.#Like for example - in my apartment on a hot and sunny day. Even with every window#closed and blocked off with thick layers of reflective stuff and also not using the stove or doing anything to generate heat - the apartmen#will still go up on average about 6 - 8 degrees in one day. Peaking around 8 - 10pm night time. If I start off with the house cooled down#to 60F. then the highest it would get is 66 - 68 which is tolerable#.But if the lowest I can cool the apartment all night is still only 75F#then it's going to be 81 - 83F by the end of the day. So really it would be bearable (ISH)#for it to be warm as long as it was colder at night.#Though still the IDEAL is to not have to structure my life around envrionmental management and constantly be checking the#outdoor temperature so I can put the fans in the second that it's colder outside than it is inside and putting elaborate curtain systems#up and down at the exact right times and meal prepping 4 days in advance so I dont have to use the stove for 3 days and blah blah blah#Life in the colder weather months is so effortless and breezy in that sense. I can just have the window open all day and get natural light.#I can cook whatever I want. I can wear what I like. I can move around the house freely without needing to always#carry a fan around with me or douse myself in water.#ANYWAY.... oh if only that were me.... snuggled in a warm blanket ... a comforting wintery image...
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"For particularly important things, it's always more reassuring to write them down like this." - Zhang Beihai
[ID in alt text]
#my art#three body problem#3 body problem#zhang beihai#三体#章北海#i've been meaning to draw three body problem characters and actually post them on my blog for quite some time!#so if anybody wants me to draw any specific character from the series feel free to reply here or send an ask as a request!#beihai is my top favorite and he resonated with me more than i expected! i rather liked bits of consequentialist philosophical ideas in him#anyways incoming ramble/infodump in the tags about various subjects pertaining to him#all you need to know about me is that i often lurk in chinese language fandom spaces and you might see commonalities in designs#if you see fanartists draw him with the broken eyebrow and mole then that's due to the 我的三体 (my three-body) donghua adaptation!#admittedly i was introduced to the series through that adaptation years ago because it seemed rather absurd (minecraft haha) but oddly good#at least check out the third season (haven't seen the fourth one yet but that's ongoing actually) or listen to 夜航星 (night voyager)#i'm rather curious how fanartists on tumblr might tackle character designs since i mostly see the two live action adaptations here#i want to diverge my designs from any particular adaptation but my beihai design takes a lot from 我的三体!#now about beihai- i really enjoyed his characterization and i'd like to bring up a maybe unintentional parallel and foil with the eto#hopefully that's something new to add to the discussion about zhang beihai and here's what adaptations don't get about mike evans#in the book he's a character you mostly only hear about from others and he's known to be a private person#he conceals a lot of his thoughts from even people like ye wenjie + he taught the trisolarans about deceit#then his strategy to kill luo ji was to keep it low and make it seem like an accident which those obfuscations of thought parallels beihai#then evans says: “but… it's obvious now that everywhere is the same” which is similar to beihai's “it doesn't matter. it's all the same”#the contexts differ but i think they're good foils about human nature “being the same” with evans's quote being about futility#then beihai's was about how regardless of if he survived or not- someone else would be able to carry on with his work#i have many other thoughts about beihai like how chu yan's (captain of blue space) group approach with the voting contrasts beihai#while beihai tried to bear the weight of attacking the other ships in solitude- chu yan made vengeance against trisolaris a group effort#(which that action goes against how the swordholder was a solitary role instead of a group one which is neat to me!)#i'd discuss more but i think that's enough to show that i really love zhang beihai (feel free to discuss the books with me though)
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This collab I joined like eight months ago that I didn’t really enjoy being in finally got posted today but for some reason only on twitter and I don’t go there so I can’t even see the whole thing :/
#I had. so many quarrels with it.#first of all instead of staying in mutual groups like it was supposed to the collab somehow blew up and got eighty people participating#and THEN you’d think since so many people were there everyone would have like one part right? like what we originally agreed to do with#seven people?#WRONG!!!! I got three parts plus a background without getting consulted about it#and then when I tried to make friends in the discord with all the other artists#at least seven people online at the time were raging mysoginists#telling me no women in this series can be anything except perfect dainty little princesses#except for one woman who was allowed to do a little evil bc she was associated with a MAN#who ACTUALLY wouldn’t be evil#and when I said that’s not accurate to the actual story everyone started crying and saying I offended them#bc ‘they thought really hard about this!!’ stfu you piece of shit#and then everyone in the discord sexualised the fuck out of my fave character who. also happened to be the one I was drawing.#so I got too grossed out to finish my part and ignored the disc for several months#and the host never thought once to tag everyone for check in until a week before the deadline#so I dropped all but one of my parts (the one I had mostly finished when I got grossed out)#and finished that and didn’t touch the disc again for the sake of my own mental health#but it finally got posted and I can’t even see it I only have my groups picture#but whatever. I didn’t like anyone there anyway at least I can leave the disc without feeling guilty now#inkbagel speaks
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Just when I think the day's going well, I crash a golf cart
#summer camp tag#ace is a mess#i do not have a drivers license and i havent even been behind the wheel in like 4 years since i stopped lessons cus of the pandemic#the day was going fine i got loads done didnt feel like i was irritating my director too bad#doing some paperwork for her and she says when im done well take the golf cart out while its not currently raining#im like ooh fun never been in a golf cart before i see the higher up staff in them im not gonna say no to chilling in a golf cart#i did not realise that meant i would be driving esp when she asked if id been in one before and i said no#she then asked if i could drive and i said not really thought that would be it#cus i was supposed to be studying for my theory before working towards my practical#but no she insists im driving and first off i gotta reverse outta this bay now at least i didnt have to think about gears#but i hate tryna figure out how to turn whilst in reverse in mess with my brain im not great with shape visualisation#we do all our stops its fine for the most part a lil too fast going down some of the hills#and some tight turns but my turns were always like that cus im too busy focusing on the most immediate thing#we get back i park fine and then shes like oh actually there are some more stops we can make so i reverse and turn back out#do our two stops with only minimal confusion about direction then as i go to park into the bay we came from#shes like oh actually park in the bay closest to the health centre and what i should have done was reversed and adjusted my angle#instead i drove directly into the supporting beam separating the two bays 🙃😭#i immediately turn the cart off and expect her to switch with me instead shes like laughing it off oh it was just a little bump it was fine#im like it was not that was a loud ass bang i feel so bad and then she lifts up the light cover i broke off saying its just a scratch#and i feel worse so pf course thats when the camp director comes out to check on the noise and i dont think ive ever worn a guiltier look#but theyre both laughing it off oh just having a little driving lesson :) and i am mortified#she gets back in the cart and shes still insisting that its fine and i should still park after that which i do with great trepidation#but there are no more problems and the lights still work but the cover does need fixing and i just oh my god#ive never crashed before never clipped or scratched a car so of course id crash the golf cart trying to park of all things 😭
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looking at cats that are up for adoption at the local animal shelter and... I think out of all the cats there were two that don't require letting them go outside 🙃
#(important info/clarification: our cats are indoor cats and I'm against letting cats outside unsupervised!)#the only ones I can remember were a pair that were a specific breed.#all the others HAVE TO be outdoor cats#I'm glad there's other options because we would not get a cat from a shelter anywhere around here#at least the last time I checked a few years ago ALL of them require letting cats outside#I'm always fascinated by the conversation about this online#maybe... some people should consider being less mean and horrible to people who still let their cats outside? just a thought...#because no one around where I live keeps their cats inside (except again if they're a breed.)#so like. I might never have thought about it if I hadn't seen people talking about it (but not the horrible mean ones who tell people their#cats should die if they let them outside...)#annnyway#it makes me sad that the shelters won't even consider you if you say you won't let the cat(s) go outside#I really want to get a kitten like. sometime within the next year hopefully. when I get a job I guess#and we'll have to go with some random person who either rescued some kittens or whose cat accidently got pregnant again#I mean it worked out great last time - our boys are amazing#but still. sucks that the shelter isn't an option at all#personal
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i'm the antonymph of the internet
#how many tributes to this song will i make in my life#MANY ! it literally changed my life and means a lot to me. i love antonymph and vylet pony's music is worth checking out - please do.#unsupervised internet access as a queer neurodivergent kid anthem !!#i chose to do misty since we all know i like drawing her in experimental pieces and putting her in outfits. she also has art in a gir hoodi#from the clash team in treasure trove!! :D#this is also experimental/stylistic as well!! had fun!! nice to just draw something in one day and not worry. leaves me tired but...#haven't done a nice piece like so in one day in a while!!! i'm very proud :] it's a fun one#anyways... both a little tribute to the song and misty as a character#ihave so many thoughts about misty even if i dont talk publicly on them. shes a very interesting character to me and i care about her so#much. i compared her to fluttershy in the past - and realized that if i liked ttcc as a kid she would've been my favorite.#fluttershy on her own meant a lot to me as a child. including mlp itself as it's one of the core things that got me into drawing art online#a lot of my analysis on misty and headcanons at least on the more emotional scale do come from a bit of projecting but...it makes it more#fun to me when i can put myself into the shoes of a character like her who i already relate to. rrghh too bad im scared to talk about her#too much in nuanced detail in public since some people are... not so nice about her. though i know the tumblr audience is nice and unders#standing!!#anyways from me just having fun being me#i let misty have a little bit of fun... something i think she would possibly enjoy? i do see her as someone who gets nostalgic#and is stuck in more childish things and matters. she wants to play ip dip with you...its very sweet to me. letting myself and her be#confident through a song that means so much to me is kind of powerful to me. i had a lot of fun making this drawing.#anyways. love this song. love ttcc. love mity /p. be swag and be self indulgent and have fun. you can do anything u want forevah#toontown#toontown corporate clash#antonymph#guz art#rainmaker
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(homestuck specifically does not count here because its too popular and would break the intent of this question. I dont care if you read homestuck. Pretend it doesn't exist for the purposes of this question)
#God I genuinely hope nobody adds a longwinded list of recommendations to this post. I'm just trying to check if I'm insane#mypost#The intent of this question being trying to see if my thought that nobody reads these is justified at all.#Not meant disparagingly to the medium really. Its just that it kind of seems like everyone keeps trying to make one but nobody reads them.#Or maybe that's just my own personal problem and very limited amount of people i know.#Ive had like at least 2-3 major ''tried to make comic and failed'' incidents in the past (when i was like 15 you don't remember them.)#without having actually particularly read or cared about anyone else's. i feel like this may be strange to have done several times.#it is only a very recent development that i am even keeping up with a comic at all and its still just one...#and that was kind of because it was started by a person i was already following beforehand#so it kind of would have showed up in front of me either way.
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a classic
#resizura rants#i blocked them a while ago#went thru my camera roll and found this gem#their takes were so bad i thought it was bait#they had the weirdest takes about ada i couldnt tell if they liked her or hated her#but this one got me why do people think he was ready to end it during re4#his whole thing is that he has an almost detrimental need to save people#he wouldnt khs and let ashley not have anyone to bring her home#like lets think for a second#if they use the dsc thing the whole point was that he DIDNT khs because he prioritized sherry#so why would he do it here#and he wasnt even checking if the gun was loaded lmao#he was checking if a round was in the chamber#by racking the slide which u gotta do to make sure ur gun doesnt malfunction#at least im pretty sure idk
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don't want to declare victory for the war on ants quite yet but i think i did win a battle...
#saw HUNDREDS of them drinking terro last night and i thought like fifty of them drowned#checked today and. there isn't a Single one in or around the terro#so every single one of those bitches went back to the colony probably!!!#im still absolutely BAFFLED as to why there is a colony in my closet. there is no food in my closet. there is no food in my bedroom.#the only place i eat is the KITCHEN TABLE SO WHAT ARE U LOOKING FOR KIDS#(there was actually a big hole in my window they finally plugged up that was letting water in every time it rained)#(and i REMEMBER seeing this giant ant in my closet when i came home from work on the wall#and going : / i'll get her after i change#and then. she disappeared#that was my first mistake. cause i'm like 95% sure that was the queen)#u would think they would leave if they can't find food#i mean maybe my room does have crumbs i don't claim to be perfect#but i've vaccummed it a bajillion times and literally haven't eaten anything in there in a month at least#maybe two months cause i was out of town#anyways. i hope those bitches are dead.#i feel bad about it cause i hate killing things but they had started crawling on me whenever i was sitting at my desk and. i couldn't deal.#there are giant borax circles all around the legs of my bed and my desk and anything potentially crawlable#it looks like i live in supernatural
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grrr.... my boss came in and asked to talk to me for a moment and basically she was asking how I distinguish between production stock/my stock bc the stock/supply staff had insinuated to her that I'd been stealing their stock which I HAVEN'T!!!! I would never + my boss knows that but she still had to ask.... so annoying
#and i have PROOF i dont steal their shit bc i keep a meticulous spreadsheet of every sample in the food lab (my) stock#and i organise everything by location + have a separate section for stuff in the cold room that belongs to production#bc part of my job is managing emails from sales/marketing asking abt the production stock for test/developmental products#so i have to monitor it. but i dont ever ise those samples i fill out and email the request form to supply if i need one for smth!!!#*use#which supply would fucking know if they were competent at their jobs and fulfilled my requests without me chasing them up 16 times#half the time i have to go to quality control and request THEIR retained samples instead bc i dont get stuff in time#but qc stock is completely isolated from production bc its for assay use only and i always return the samples to them when im done anyway#the only reason theyre accusing me is bc they found a sample in one of my fridges that was logged on their stock system#but I DIDNT PUT IT THERE. THEY DID. i sent the fucking request form and they fulfilled it but didnt log it out of their own stock system#but i have their stupid form attached to a timestamped email i sent them so proof it was a legit request they fulfilled 👍#whatever......#im mainly just annoyed bc for some reason i thought it was almost 4pm and i could go home soon. but its only 2:30 sigh#at least my boss was impressed at my stock spreadsheet lmao she was like wow i didnt realise you were this organised#girl how do u think i respond so fast when u ask if we have xyz sample. of course im not going thru 400+ individual samples in multiple-#locations and boxes/fridges every single time just to find ONE thing. all i have to do is check my spreadsheet.....#i record batch numbers n manufacture/expiry dates of everything too they can go thru it if they doubt smth is mine lmao#i hate being blamed for shit i didnt do especially accusations of dishonesty. im not that shit at my job >:^/#.diaries
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my god. skinny people really just have like. No Idea huh just absolutely not a single clue lmao it's almost funny to watch fr but then id lie if i said i wouldn't fucking kill to be able to be that ignorant
#girl i am SO sorry people react with surprise when you say you're studying to be an opera singer because you're#*checks notes* skinny and attractive. so so sorry that must be literal hell for you huh how will you ever recover :((((#no no please keep talking about how equally bad that is to the brutal fucking fatshaming and ED glorifying#in the industry that me and the only other fat girl in the room were talking about before you interrupted us <3#anyway. we were talking about this one review of a quite famous professional music critic whose only comment about a fat mezzo in the cast#was 'miss xyz.... lose some weight'. not a single word about her singing/acting/whatever. but yeah no you're too sexy for an opera singer#and THAT is the real problem here girl i totally understand yeah <3 thoughts and prayers dearest.#earlier that same day this same girl was standing next to me in her bodycon dress and went#*pointing at her stomach that's so flat its almost concave* 'ughhhh what do i have to do to not look pregnant in this dress 😩😫'#and i said 'girl' and just looked at her and like the sudden horrified realisation on her face was lowkey hysterical#like omg you really did forget you're not talking to your other skinny friends with whom you can pat each other on the backs#and reassure each other that 'dw girl ur not fat at all ur so so sexy!' huh sjshsjshsjs#but yeah i dont like making people uncomfortable irl so i did reassure her she looks hot and pretty and skinny as all shit#let at least one of us have a nice evening and not feel Absolutely Fucking Disgusting ig <3#and the day before that after i saw our (last ever btw never photographing myself with them ever again <3) picture and had a mini break down#the other even skinnier and smaller and petite-er crouched down next to me with the most guilty fucking expression and quietly asked me#if im alright and do i want her to delete those pictures (that she posted on two separate social media pages) and like#the look of immense fucking pity on her was even worse than seeing those pictures#like i know she meant well and was trying to be nice but my god. this really is how you all see me huh#like looking like me would be fate worse than death for yall#not even gonna mention the thing i just learned this friday that the retired ballerina who leads our ballet classes said about me#trying to cheer up the other fat girl who happened to have a bit of an emotional breakdown in the middle of the class :)))))))#like i am sooooooo so glad and honoured to be an inspiration to you. really. always happy to help. the exemplary Fat Girl Who Fucking Sucks#But Doesnt Let It Bother Her <333333#like on one hand. yeah it really does make me wanna jump off a cliff. but on the other. its just hilarious sjdgsjsgsj#you sure are right miss ma'am. i sure don't let this bother me at all. i am famous for my uncanny ability to Not Be Bothered by all this <33#but shes new. its ok. how could she know about the last two years when i was getting panic attacks and sobbing myself to sleep every tuesday#but yeah no. [lauren cooper voice] am i bovvered? am i bovvered tho? i aint even bovvered!
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My heart hurts. Not physically, but emotionally. I don't like the news, I tend to avoid actively searching it out, for that exact reason. I ache because as people we just can't seem to get along. Learn to compromise and fully try to understand the other side. It's exhausting to understand why people are against certain things, even when it's the opposite of what I personally believe in.
#this is about a pronoun law being passed locally (one that I believe is appropriate and good)#as what's being passed is that under the age of 16 parent consent is needed for any name or pronoun changes#while there's at least one person throwing up a fuss about how terrible that is#like I get it lady you think it will cause harm where I see it as protecting kids and letting their parents know what's happening with them#it's not that I'm unsympathetic if anything I'm too sympathetic but there has to be checks and balances#especially when all of this trans/non-binary stuff is still so new and radical#people have been living life for a long time without these terms and without issue#and something that has always bothered me is that there is a reason why straight relationships are majority beyond religion#I do think that same sex attraction is natural#but that still doesn't mean that I think that it should be acted on it is a sin in the bible for a reason#though I would never kick a child of mine out of my house for feeling same sex attraction it would be a conversation needed about such#I have many more thoughts but most of them I would never necessarily post#as I would breakdown in tears at the first disparaging remarks because I'm soft like that#I also don't feel well educated enough to fully and properly make a case for myself#I'm surprised that I've even posted this though my most controversial thoughts are here in the tags
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what if I renamed Storm as Zephyr instead. what if I renamed myself Zephyr. hmm. hmmmmmm.
#nothing permanent decided just yet of course#but I was just reminded that the word exists and hit damn. it sure does have a certain pull to it#if I do rename Storm then like... 'Storm' would definitely still stick around as a nickname at the very least#but like. I'm honestly considering it for my own name. I've been looking for a better one#my birth name is just ehhhh to me. I don't feel a ton of connection to it really#and Color is fine for online spaces/with people who know this side of me. but it's not really something I tend to introduce myself as irl#I mean to be fair Zephyr might not be taken much more seriously either but it does have a certain feel that I like#eh. if it doesn't really really stick with me then maybe it'll end up as the name for an alternate Storm form or something#like that angel design I made for her yeaaaaars ago#ironically it's about this time of year that I decided to change her name from Color to Storm. that was back around new years 2017...#holy FUCK how is that SEVEN years ago#I. huh. what .. what the fuck. yeah it was winter 2016/17 I'm pretty sure? if not then it was 2015/16 which means eight years and. man. huh.#okay checking old refs it was in fact 2017 when she officially became Storm#wild.#anyway that's tonight's 2:30am thoughts#the snowjag speaks
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funny as hell that u took 2.5 months to read 1984 and couldn't realize it was anti totalitarian, not anti socialist. Orwell was a staunch socialist until the end. give the book a closer read next time
you are so mad over something so small, beloved. i hope you're feeling okay. have a good day.
#look me in my anti-consumerist eyes and tell me that socialism never results in totalitarianism#is what i would say if i was unkind to mean anons <3#also i read this book LAST WINTER???? and made a COUPLE POSTS ABOUT IT??? like??? i thought it was a great book there's a reason it's a#classic#forgive me for not doing a background check on orwell#at least i corrected myself when i learned#we live in a society#people can write what they want and it literally has nothing to do with you???? thank you for getting pissed i'm sorry you can't handle me#maybe find a different literature blog??? highkey???#if you can't take one incorrect thought that was in fact not entirely incorrect#because socialism leads to communism leads to totalitarianism#but yknow just go touch grass <3#thanks for the ask!
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