#i thought i put it back on correctly...

[leviachad]

I'm so Levi kin I accidentally flooded my apartment 💀💀

[aquickstart]

ok sure i'll talk about farleigh start. i'll talk about his tragedy of never being enough as it were and then having to deal with fucking oliver. sure. disclaimer: it's about class (and race) and the horrible reality of the rich. the horrible reality of living as farleigh.

another disclaimer: i'm white! and poc definitely pick up on everything i'm talking about here as it is, and better. i was and am specifically interested in farleigh vs. oliver but it's impossible to examine without considering race. definitely let me know if anything abt this sucks!

farleigh and oliver are similar. it's annoying because every intruder that is not himself is annoying, partly because felix's attention swaying from farleigh is dangerous; there is always a threat of being discarded, even if no precedent existed. the potential is terrifying.

but you'd think he's seen this before, every summer (if venetia is telling the truth) or at least often enough to learn to recognize it fast, so he should know this will pass. part of it is i think still the deep anxiety, and i think he hated every boy that was there before, and it is sort of routine.

but definitely a huge factor in farleigh's annoyance is the fact that he's a biracial (black for cattons, that's all they see) man in a white rich household. he's alert and exhausted all the time. of course he's angry at oliver, regardless of whether he's the first to crash at saltburn for the summer or the fifty-first.

but the important thing is this.

farleigh is very jealous of and angry and pissed at oliver because farleigh sees all the similarities between them. outsider, in financial trouble, whatever it is, in need of cattons; and yet oliver is preferred. and farleigh seems to be the only one to really consider it. felix does not pick up on the hint when farleigh brings up the birthday party vs. his mother. felix's clumsy "different or... anything like that" is as much about race as it is about class, of course. the "we've done all that we can" bit is felix absolving himself of guilt because surely they had, surely the mysterious collective cattons that he's not really part of had tried all they could do. to him, farleigh is different from oliver, because farleigh has been helped. felix is rich and white and twofold uncomfortable with farleigh, even if he's nice about it, even if he genuinely enjoys his company; he doesn't look too close at farleigh because he feels too guilty to come too close. and farleigh can't do anything about it. he can't nice himself into it. the fucking tragedy of him is that he's never enough in the world of the ultra-rich white, even if (especially because!) he's born into it.

farleigh is very pissed at oliver because farleigh also sees all the differences between them. you know who can be nice poor white enough to fit in? fucking oliver. felix says "just be yourself, they'll love you" when oliver first moves in. farleigh was also probably told the same thing, and felix also probably believed that farleigh could just be himself, but even if the cattons were magically not racist at all (impossible), it wouldn't make a difference to farleigh. he would still self-censor, keep in check, be in dangerous waters (because racism is not just about the individual, but about the system). we see that he'd won himself leeway by years of trial and error by the way he speaks to the family, but it's still within the boundaries of acceptable, built by the cattons. he's part of them because they allow it, and farleigh is very, very aware.

the annoying thing is oliver can be himself. like, truly, genuinely, he can just be. and farleigh can't help but envy that.

as a side note, oliver is obviously jealous of farleigh in the beginning as well, because regardless of the reality of farleigh's situation, he was born into it, and hence, at least in oliver's mind, has his position solidified. oliver's whole thing is unquenchable thirst and hunger for whatever and everything the cattons have (including themselves!). he wishes to have been a catton from birth. to oliver, at first, there's nothing farleigh can really do to lose it. and until he figures out the cattons completely, he can't help but envy that.

but i think farleigh senses something different about oliver early on. at least on the level of the text, we have "you're almost passing [for] a real, human boy", which is so important because farleigh is the first to point out oliver's weirdness. the next to do so is venetia in the bath scene calling him a freak, but it's too late. farleigh is too early.

and i like to think he clocks oliver too early because he sees the jagged edges that he recognizes in himself. i think that one other thing that farleigh envies is oliver's freedom to let go. freedom to let go is very similar to freedom to be, but not quite the same.

to be is about perception: farleigh knows he cannot fall out of line, but would like to, and oliver does not have to worry about it at all (i mean, he does, because oliver also performs for felix, but farleigh doesn't know that).

to let go is about the self: farleigh is too scared to even want what oliver eventually does, to even consider the possibility. oliver can let himself want. oliver can let himself act. oliver just can do things and want things. i'm not sure farleigh can.

and so in this scene, when oliver's wants and actions have landed him nowhere with farleigh, felix, venetia, the cattons, of course farleigh gloats. he can let himself do that, because if the cattons are slowly discarding him, farleigh can allow himself this one small victory. he's relieved because despite the dangerous similarities, oliver is, thankfully, not really the same as farleigh, right?

but like. this movie is a love letter to all things gothic. oliver is a white man. he prevails. the brief performance that oliver put on did eventually end up more effective than farleigh's lifetime of constraint. my heart fucking breaks for him to be honest.

the issue that remains is the fact of farleigh's survival. i like to think that oliver came to respect him. oliver is smart, but farleigh is clever. he picks up on everything oliver does (to refer back to the karaoke scene, farleigh immediately retaliates in the cleverest way, in the moment), and he's the only one to do so consistently (venetia, again, for example, comes close, but too late; oliver doesn't like that, there's nothing to work with). hence, stay with me for a little longer, the paradox: farleigh survives because he was never enough for the cattons, but he is very worthy of oliver's attention. in his own freaky way, oliver wants him. look at that.

so. farleigh. farleigh might come back. he always comes back. and i think oliver wants to try harder next time.

[anghraine]

So, in the post about Elizabeth accepting Wickham's tale, I mentioned Elizabeth's remarkable degree of confidence in her judgment of others.

Elizabeth will listen to Charlotte outline her entire unsentimental philosophy of marriage and say, "You know it is not sound, and that you would never act in this way yourself."

Or she'll listen to Bingley talking about how he's not planning on leaving Netherfield, but if he did, it would be very sudden because he makes all his decisions suddenly. They haven't known each other long at that point, but she responds, "That is exactly what I should have supposed of you" and adds, "I understand you perfectly."

Several weeks later, Charlotte has carried out her philosophy in her engagement to Mr Collins, and Bingley has abruptly left Netherfield.

Elizabeth:

But! Elizabeth and Darcy both say and think these kinds of overconfident things with zero self-consciousness.

Like, here's Darcy:

"But it has been the study of my life to avoid those weaknesses which often expose a strong understanding to ridicule." "Such as vanity and pride." "Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride—where there is a real superiority of mind—pride will be always under good regulation."

Uh huh.

That I was desirous of believing her [Jane] indifferent is certain; but I will venture to say that my investigations and decisions are not usually influenced by my hopes or fears. I did not believe her to be indifferent because I wished it; I believed it on impartial conviction

Sure, Jan.

There are plenty more examples on both sides, but honestly, I find it deeply endearing as well as funny. There are ways in which they're right to be sure of themselves, and I respect them for those and for being rooted in their convictions there, but sometimes it's just ... aww, you're so very wrong and so sure you are right. <3

[novathesheltie]

had to post more- he’s not even trying

[journey-to-the-attic]

Not sure how far into Nightbringer s2 you are so feel free to ignore, but how do you think IK would handle all the Sin Stuff? Esp curious considering Asmo's solution and Mammon's symptoms were quite romance-rooted, so would love to hear your thoughts on the platonic edition1

i'm up to the asmo pact-making, but i'm not yet caught up on everything after that - but i can still talk about your particular area of interest!

for mammon, i think his greed symptoms would manifest in a sort of "i don't want you to grow up" way - you know, similar to how some parents over-coddle their children because they're afraid of them flying the nest? in this case, mammon is 'greedy' for his role as big brother - for being relied on and trusted - so he'd essentially start being a helicopter brother, not letting ik do anything on her own, and get annoyed when the others try to play the role as well

mammon's solution would largely play out the same if i were to keep it faithful to nb - his greed for that reliance and trust would also be rooted in his belief that he's only been burdening/harming his brothers through his own determination to get what he wants; he sees his role to ik as repenting, and that's why he gets so intense about it

(also gives it a sort of religious theme that ties back nicely to the celestial realm being his inner world. mammon'd probably also have a hang-up in that "oh, you're going to hate me now that you've seen what a rotten being i am" - which ik would counter with "i've always known who you are and i love you anyway")

as for asmo.... i think we can keep the initial fairy-tale setting his inner world takes up; i'd say, rather than the whole deal he has with mc, he starts treating ik like a trophy pet - essentially, upon taking over, his sin counters the fact that he holds ik in high importance by placing her on a sub-human level in his mind

his lust in this case isn't carnal, but rather just a want for more - more attention, more of the spotlight, more beauty, despite already having it; lucifer's apple gives him what he wants by cutting him off before these things inevitably peter out again, because what asmo's ignoring is the fact that such things come with an ebb and flow - he wants to always be the most beautiful, because otherwise he won't always be worth something

so the whole snow-white-situation does stay, but it's resolved differently - you know how, in the original fairy tale, the apple just gets jostled out of snow's throat? ik just busts the glass coffin open and shoves asmo out of it, which does the same for him, and so he wakes up

this is more than just a brute force thing, though - she forcibly shatters the stasis asmo is in, even though this is arguably where he's at his 'most beautiful' - because she doesn't care about that part; asmo's importance is constant, so there's no need to freeze it to make it stay that way - it's infinitely more important that he's just there

[ddejavvu]

i'm taking a break from finishing the lego set because i literally tried hammering in a piece with my monstrously large water bottle and then realized i just needed to sandwich the pieces together differently and it wasn't stuck like i thought it was.. perhaps i am not fit for such activities

[p5x-theories]

I mean, how many characters have models that you haven’t posted yet? Bc I would like to see all of the models but if there’s a ton then I wouldn’t ask that of you

To be clear, literally every character in the game has one or more 3D models. Every single NPC, those faceless people that you walk by/through while walking through the city, every playable character (and every outfit they have; every single one of Wonder's outfit options), every shadow, every Persona, etc. The game's all 3D models (with 2D images over them making up the UI and portraits), and the files are where those 3D models and 2D images are stored, so quite literally, anything you see in the game is somewhere in the files, and something I could theoretically extract for you.

There's also a ton of stuff in the files that doesn't show up in the game (yet?), like 3D models and portraits for a bunch of the Confidants and Palace rulers in P5. Even stuff you only see for a few seconds, like the table and tea set that appears for Noir during her AOA finisher in the split second before it swaps to the 2D image people usually think of for her AOA, have their own 3D models.

So I appreciate that you're not asking me for all of them, haha!

I just focus on posting the interesting things and the new stuff; new portraits for main characters, 3D models for civilian outfits of the Phantom Idols that we haven't really gotten to see, characters indicated as future Phantom Thieves/Idols, stuff like that. And then if anyone asks me for specific stuff outside of that, I don't mind going back for it, because I noted down where everything is in the (massively disorganized) files, so it theoretically shouldn't take me too long to hunt down the pieces for any given character and put them together to post.

All that to say, I try to post the things that I know myself and others are probably most interested in seeing. You're not really missing much in the rest of the files, unless, for instance, there's a sidequest NPC or something you have a particular interest in and want to see the full portraits/model for.

[confinesofmy]

i did something incredible today. i was terse with my flakey cousin over the phone before fully understanding why i was angry with her. i acted on it BEFORE completely processing it. and i withheld information to put her at a disadvantage and benefit myself! i am so proud of myself, this never happens.

[theotherrichardpapen]

Reading List 2023-2024 📚

The Secret History - Donna Tartt

The Song or Achilles - Madeline Miller

The Myth of the Wrong Body - Miquel Missé

The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Remainder - Tom McCarthy

If We Were Villains - M. L. Rio

Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

Bones and All - Camille DeAngelis

The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde

Beyond Good and Evil - Friedrich Nietzsche

Diaries - Franz Kafka

Frankenstein - Mary Shelly

Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky

The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Tales - H. P. Lovecraft

The Divine Comedy - Dante Alighieri

1984 - George Orwell

The Iliad and The Odyssey - Homer

Unnatural Causes - Dr Richard Shepherd

Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke and Other Misfortunes - Eric LaRocca

Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - Robert Louis Stevenson

The Trial of the Templars - Malcolm Barber

Foucault's Pendulum - Umberto Eco

Demian - Hermann Hesse

Pride & Prejudice - Jane Austen

Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

The Atlas Six - Olivie Blake

Giovanni's Room - James Baldwin

The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo - Taylor Jenkins Reids

Ninth House - Leigh Bardugo

Vita Nostra - Maryna & Serhiy Dyachenko

Pageboy: A Memoir - Elliot Page

Slaughterhouse-Five - Kurt Vonnegut

The Brothers Karamazov - Fyodr Dostoevsky

(updated: 03/01/24)

[dangerpronebuddie]

.

[thethingything]

our laptop's w key keeps having issues and not working properly when I press it so it takes multiple attempts to type that letter but also I've noticed I'm having way more issues with dexterity and hitting the right keys while typing and this is a bad combination when it comes to typing basically anything and trying to make it sound coherent

[caffeinatedopossum]

Me: well I don't have any counting compulsions

Also me: (anytime I have to count anything) *recounts it at least 3 times because I think I counted it right... probably. but now I'm not sure and I have to check*

[fayeandknight]

Went to a busy shopping center, a place we've only been to a handful of times, for some PA training.

Forte was a little distracted and unsure of the elevator bank, particularly when the doors opened. So I opted to do some warm up/engagement work by them. I kept my rate of reinforcement high. We spent about 15 minutes doing this and he stopped caring about the elevator doors opening.

I put a lot of time into just making sure my dog is comfortable in the environment. And it can make the training feel like it's going at a snail's pace. But ultimately I know that it's worth it.

As an aside, videoing one's training is helpful for all sorts of reasons. Mostly so you can see handling errors and the like. But in this instance it was a reality check. I'm very hyper aware of any mistakes or weak points in our training. So I thought this video would show me trying to engage a super distracted dog. But he's actually pretty focused and I'm doing less than I thought I was.

[dbphantom]

I am so fucking glad this actually returned what I was trying to say while writing tags about Law's kickass outfits because the unhelpful instamash mix I disrespectfully call a brain was supplementing all the wrong words and I didn't feel like finding that one writing thesaurus site on mobile

[renniferno]

everything going on in the world, everything going on in the states, everything going on in my life

and i have to make sure that i'm starting to get ready for work at 10am so i can leave by noon so i can get to work by 2pm to work a 3 hour shift for less than $500 a paycheck.

[shencomix]

Recently I decided to go to my local fighting game tournament.

Here's how it went.

I had been getting pretty good at Guilty Gear over the past few weeks, to the point where I was getting the input correctly for the Potemkin Buster 1 out of every 4 or 5 times I tried it. So I thought "I might not be the best yet, but, surely good enough for my local" -- and I decided to go.

It took place at a the comic & games store in the town center. The venue was full of people 10-15 years younger than me and even more drastically cooler. They all turned to glare at me as I walked through the door, but as I stood completely motionless like a gazelle hoping to blend into the grassland, their gazes slowly returned to each other and they continued to banter friendlily.

I sat down next to me first opponent, and reached out to shake their hand. They looked down at my hand, and then up at my eyes slowly.

"You're supposed to do that at the end of the match."

"Oh, s-sorry"

I got perfected twice and lost the match. At the end, I reached out again to shake their hand, but they just stood up and walked away.

Because I lost, I got moved down to the loser's bracket, which was literally below the main tournament because it took place in the basement of the comic shop. I could hear footsteps, cheering, and happy conversation in the floor above. Here in the loser's bracket though, the mood was a lot more somber.

My next opponent reminded me a little bit of me. They were equally nervous and disheveled looking. They said "Um, h-hello" and reached out their hand for a handshake as they saw me approaching. I said "you're s-supposed to do that at the end of the match." But as a look of deep sadness came over their face and they slowly put down their hand, I pulled them in for a hug.

I'm not sure why I did that.

I think that some part of me knew that, in this dark, dank, alien place, illuminated only by a single failing ceiling light and the neon glow of a few arcade machines, I had at last found a friend -- someone I understood, and who might understand me too.

They hugged back.

I lost that match by a very narrow margin, and as they jumped up and began dancing around and cheering ecstatically, I began to hate them. This was no friend of mine. A friend would not do this to me. After they were done dancing, they reached out to shake my hand. After a few seconds of pause, I stuck out my hand too, but didn't look at them and refused to close it around theirs as they grasped it. They shook my karate chop.

I thought that at that point, since I had lost and then lost in loser's bracket, I was free to go home. But one of the tournament organizers approached me and informed me that I was going down to sub-loser's bracket in the sub-basement of the store, and pointed me towards a descending staircase.

The people there were fewer, and it was darker. I could faintly hear sobbing in one of the corners, but as I went to investigate, another participant put his hand on my shoulder. He furrowed his brow in a look of pain and shook his head slowly.

"You can't do anything for them."

In sub-loser's bracket I went up against a man in a suit whose face was cloaked in shadow. He spammed May's dolphin move. I lost.

As I went to go back upstairs, one of the tournament organizers held out her palm to stop me, and pointed towards a staircase leading further down instead.

Going down through the levels, I lost to many interesting participants. One player played exclusively by bashing the controller against his face. One player was a mushroom with a few circuit cables clipped onto it, that I later learned was able to play because its bioelectrical signals got sent to a machine that interpreted them as fighting game inputs. One player didn't touch their controller at all, but instead just told me their life story, which was so tragic that I picked up their controller and won for them.

Finally, at the very bottom floor, where construction standards were long abandoned and the stairs and walls were just messily carved out of the earth's stone, I faced my final player. It was a small bit of metal framework, with a controller nestled in it. On it was a tiny piston that just pressed the jab button exactly once every second. I lost.

I hung my head for a moment, then said "close game" and stuck my hand out for a handshake, before remembering that I had played against a metal framework cube with a piston in it and retracting my hand slowly. Then I heard a slow clapping from the darkness.

"No neutral. No footsies."

Out of the darkness slowly walked a woman about my age, clad in a decorative poofy dress that looked more expensive than my entire life savings. She smiled at me warmly, continuing to clap slowly, but there was a hint of mischief in her eyes.

"No meter management. No mixups. No spacing. No learning. No strategy…

…You're perfect."

"Wh-what?"

"You're perfect. I absolutely must have you."

"Have me for…um…for what…"

(Her eyes went wide as her smile grew more manic.)

"WHY, MY MORON FAILSON HAREM OF COURSE."

"Um, I-I"

"Tell me, what do you do for a living? Let me guess, you work at a fast food restaurant? Or, retail?"

"No, I'm a--I'm a comic artist."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh my god, you are PERFECT. What will it take to get you."

"To-to ge--"

"You would be well taken care of, of course. 3 Michelin star dining for every meal. Only the finest, softest sweatpants and sweatshirts, pre-stained with whatever flavor of Takis your little heart desires. You would have access to the entire mansion except for the main foyer when I'm in business calls, and you could make all the comics and play all the fighting games you want."

"I'm uh--"

I knew that I had to think fast here.

"I'm already i-in a moron failson harem."

"Oh, DARN IT!! TELL ME, WHO IS IT??? WHO GOT YOU??"

"I-I think I'm not allowed to s-sa--"

She stomped her foot petulantly, her shoe clacking against the stone floor.

"WAS IT SHUXUAN?? IT'S ALWAYS SHUXUAN HOGGING ALL OF THE GOOD ONES."

"I-I'm sorry," I blurted out, shuffling along the wall to make a wide radius around her and then running up the staircase.

As I got home and began making my standard dinner of Trader Joe's microwave falafel, I thought about her offer. Maybe I should have taken her up on it after all. A 3 Michelin star meal right now wouldn't be so bad.

Then I hopped on Guilty Gear and lost 22 matches in a row.