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imichelle-l-rigby · 11 months

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Reflections: Cillian Murphy’s Limited Edition

Season 3, episode 4

✨almost 2 weeks late✨

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*I am a music prof (predominantly classical vocalist), and I LOVE listening to Cillian’s music choices! That being said, sometimes I won’t like a song simply because of a vocalist (it’s a professional hazard - sorry!) 👩‍🏫

** The following are my own observations/opinions. We may not agree, and that’s ok! That’s what makes music fun! 😊

*** I wouldn’t say I’m well-versed in Cillian’s music preferences, but I do enjoy them (for the most part). I always wind up adding to my own playlists after listening to Cillian’s recommendations.

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Hi everyone, thanks for your patience! Here are my thoughts on episode 4:

🎵Set 1 (Makondi - Theme from Failure)

Makondi: percussion makes me so happy! 😊 no specific thoughts other than there needs to be more percussion songs heard in the mainstream.

Hey Dostla!: ok but the background rhythm reminds me of the “Lip Gloss” song by Lil Mama and that’s all I hear now 😂

Theme from Failure: I like the gradual building of rhythmic layers. Again, definitely inspired by minimalist/tape looping technology from the ‘60s. More importantly, this song had me rolling! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

🎤Talking Break:

Of course he prefers Autumn (or as I say, Fall, because I’m American and “leaf fall down”😂)

Of course he watches an old movie by the fire during a rain shower.

“Inane anecdote”

An exclusive!!!!

Oooohhh… playing with Ornette Coleman!

Awwww, sweet that he’s using music that his kids recommended!!

Fun - more Nina! 😊😊😊 and yes, now I wanna know why she hated this song/album.

🎵Set 2 (The Family - Time Is On My Side)

The Family: this is sooooo “trendy” for Nina! I need to listen to more of her discography rather than singles. I’m not sure how often she went more “pop” than jazz, and now I wanna know.

Please Don’t Go: Stevie!!!!! 😍😍 his voice is sooooo smooth! I could just listen to him all the time. And I like the chord qualities in this piece - it’s not an out-of-the-box chord progression, but it’s also not cookie cutter. There’s depth to what he gives without it going overboard.

Irma Talks: yes!! 😂

Time Is On My Side: I looooove this song! I think this is a very singable range (I know that sounds weird, but a lot of songs today are in difficult ranges for most of the population. This is pretty accessible).

🎤Talking Break:

I love how he takes these big long inhales before he talks, like he’s been through a taxing day or something 😂

I haven’t heard “iteration” more than usual… 🤔

🎵Set 3 (Come Down Easy - Kim’s Sunsets)

Come Down Easy: patterned off early rock, for sure! It’s even got that whiny/tinny vocal tracking. The weird drone is cool! Idk how to describe it other than the sound of the wind when you’re driving with your car windows rolled down 😅😂

Kim’s Sunsets: interesting harmonies, but I hate the vocal qualities here! 😖😖😖 I like it instrumentally, but vocally, this is an ick!

🎤Talking Break:

Nice! Instrumental music!

My Russian is no better, no worries!

I do love old film music, and it’s interesting to hear what was being used in Soviet film music, especially! I could go on, but y’all would prob find that boring 😅

🎵Set 4 (Boys and the Sea - Muscle de sable)

Boys and the Sea: I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! The piano sounds almost like French Classical music (a lot of artistic sharing between the French and Russians at one point), and the seagull call recording is so haunting! I kinda wanna watch this film just from listening to this!

Muscle de sable: also a piece featuring random recorded sound clips! Much more modern sounding.

🎤Talking Break:

You can definitely tell his mama taught him French - he’s VERY good at it!

🎵 Set 5 (One Word - Secret Teardrops)

One Word: this is pretty fun!!! 😎 no thoughts, just synth vibes!

Secret Teardrops: I find it interesting that the vocal line is less prominent than the instruments. 🤔 granted, this is not a super skillful vocal line…

🎤Talking Break:

I’m glad you liked Secret Teardrops, Cill, but it’s not my favorite. Sorry 🤷‍♀️

Recent music!

Grief and music is such a complicated relationship.

🎵Set 6 (The Greater Wings - Mole in the Ground)

The Greater Wings: wow. This is so beautiful and touching. I’m in my feelings now.

Mole in the Ground: this transitioned so well from one song to the next! Instrumentally, it’s gorgeous. Sadly, I hate the mumble lyrics. 😖

🎤Talking Break

Ok but so many albums are dropping in my birthday this year!!!

🎵Set 7 (Your Silent Face)

Your Silent Face: very synth. And I did not expect a harmonica in the mix… 😅

🎤Talking Break

Ask a reasonable question!!!

Dude. Why jalapeños on popcorn???? Like… I passionately support all things spicy, but this is a weird one for me

HE IS SHAMING HOT DOGS. I know they’re gross mystery meat, BUT. hot dogs are part of my heritage! 😂 besides, kosher hot dogs are kinda amazing and less gross.

🎵Set 8 (The Heights)

The Heights: this reminds me of something but I can’t figure out what. Either way, this is so atmospheric. I feel like I’m back in HS/early college and life was so much simpler (until you get to the end). That has no objective value; however, that’s what I’ve got!

🎤Talking Break: (sorta)

I don’t guitar, but this is such a great story!!!

Beginning musicians are such a vibe. We all suck but are so brave at the same time. 😂 I kinda miss being a beginner.

Blue Monk: I am LOVING this! Blues picking is fab. 😎

Casbah: ooohhhh. I like this as well! The pedal point is interesting (which is hard to do) and I like how the melody dances all over the place.

🎵Set 9 (Can I Call You)

Can I Call You: why is this spooky??? 😰 in other news, the way the expected chord progression is constantly diverted is cool! And even the structure of the song keeps going in unexpected places. Well-done, but somehow reminds me of Halloween spooky times. 👍

🎤Talking Break:

I love how ppl from across the pond (is that a reasonable way to say from the UK or Ireland?) “Graham” - Americans make it 1 syllable

Yorkshire Man: “the OG Kate Bush, herself”

“Jaunty baroque number”

🎵Set 10 (Bertie - Mirror in the Bathroom)

Bertie: I’m trying to decide if this deserves the term “baroque.” 🤔 Maybe? Most baroque music is polyphonic, and this is still distinctly homophonic. However, it might could qualify for “early baroque inspired” (circa 1600) with the choice of instruments and emphasis on text. I do like this! Definitely agree with the term “jaunty”

Kettle factory! ☕️

Mirror in the Bathroom: this is such a weird song but I like it 😂 I’m also starting to wonder if Cillian just likes stuff with sax solos. He’s chosen a lot this season!

🎤Talking Break:

I am shocked it took this long for him to play Zappa

“Obsessed with Frank Zappa” don’t try to downplay it, dude.

🎵Set 11 (Love)

Love: YES this has a major Zappa influence, even with the George Duke component. I haven’t listened to a lot of Zappa (he’s got so much and I honestly don’t even know where to start), but from what I’ve heard, this has his fingerprints all over it.

🎤Talking Break:

I love how concerned he is with lowering our collective heart rates/bpm 😂

🎵Set 12(Heart to Know - The Veil I)

Heart to Know: reminds me of Philip Glass (minimalist composer) a little bit (specifically lulls in his opera Einstein on the Beach).

My heart rate is lowered. 💗

The Veil I: the transition from Heart to this is weird, but I like this song, too! I feel like I’m in a video game with all the electronic sounds.

🎤Talking Break

“Gentle music”

I also wanna see this movie!

🎵Set 13 (Theme de l’eau - Prayer and Procession)

Theme de l’eau: I do often associate flute music with Japanese styles (and some of the non-Western scales), but this also has a Mediterranean feel to it (guitar), and somehow French as well (accordion). Again, there’s a lot of cultural ties between France and Japan, so that’s not super surprising. Yeah. I wanna see what this film is about! I’m curious!

Prayer and Procession: has some Chopin funeral March vibes to it, as well as Protestant chorale/hymn elements.

🎤Talking Break:

Noooo don’t go!

Yay! More song recs from the boys!

“Mind yourselves”

🎵Set 14 (Sleep - Crescent of Sun)

Sleep: … this song does NOT make me wanna sleep! 😳 Cillian Murphy! It is not Halloween yet! Quit with the spooky songs!

I thought he was supposed to be “lowering my heart rate” - psh! I call BS!

20190127: my slightly number dyslexic self hated writing out that title. 🤦‍♀️ anyway, this is MUCH more relaxing of a piece! Another great example of using recorded elements in music. I like how the tones fade in and out like the tide (heard at the beginning I think).

Crescent of Sun: it’s almost like chamber music at the beginning. I’m wondering if the sun is going down or up. The instrument voicing gets higher (indicating upward motion), but the melodic motif goes down. Huh. Interesting!

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Phew! I finally got episode 4 done! Now let’s see if I can crank out episode 5 within the next couple of days before getting to the final episode! (😭😭😭😭😭 this isn’t his real job and it’s a limited series and it has to end soon)

Anyway, thanks for reading!

Tag list:

@iammrsrogers @deliciousnutcomputer @mariamoonie @brownskinsugarplum76 @look-at-the-soul @kj-davis @neverroad @teapothollow @thepurplearmyposts @possessedmarshmallow

#cillian murphy #Cillian Murphy’s limited edition

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feekins · 1 year

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hoo boy, ch 8. okay. I've got tea steeping. I've got a comfy throw blanket. I have my cat on standby, bc...honestly idr how I reacted the first time I read this almost 20 years ago. all I know is that a lot of things flew over my head at that age, so it should be uh. interesting. to see what I get out of it as an adult.

so yeah - my thoughts and things as I re-read ch8 of Trigun vol 2.

I'M NOT NERVOUS. YOU'RE NERVOUS. 🫣

(NOTE: I'm reading the Dark Horse [physical] and the Overhaul [online] translations side-by-side)

ok so uh. this is gonna be a longass post. no joke, I took reference pics of almost every single page of this chapter, but thanks to the 10-image limit...well. we'll see how this goes.

on the very first page, we have some context-changing translation discrepancies.

in Dark Horse, we've got:

WOLFWOOD: "I got a bad feeling...about these guys." (referring to the dudes he beat up when they tried to jump him as he walked into the church in the last chapter)

LEGATO: "How rude. How else do you expect to be treated when you suddenly trespass?"

meanwhile, the Overhaul has something much more informative, once again:

WOLFWOOD: "Who are these idiots? The Roderick slavers?"

LEGATO: "My apologies... I just needed to show late arrivals who they are dealing with."

then, on the next page, we see that Legato and Wolfwood haven't met before (which was something I was wondering about last chapter). they only recognize each other by physical descriptors (Wolfwood's cross, Legato's skull and torture device).

(Dark Horse on top, Overhaul on bottom)

again, the Overhaul is more informative. and the panel right after this one...Vash looks so exhausted 🥺

there's also a difference in Dominique's last words to Vash a few pages later. Dark Horse has her saying, in reference to Legato "No one stands up to that man. Do you think he'd help me after I've failed?" meanwhile, the Overhaul has "If I can't be of service to him...then there is only one way this can turn out."

and then, she jumps :( Dominique remains one of my fav GHGs... it would be nice to see her return (she's on Wanted posters!!!) in tristamp, but. in any case. I lov her. and I'd love to learn more about her 🥺

Vash passes out right as Dominique's falling, and my younger self always thought that was weird? but their fight was a LOT more taxing than it first appeared, at least to me. we see proof of this later in the chapter.

some little translation discrepancies here. Midvalley's line in Dark Horse always kinda confused me. ty, Overhaul, for clarifying so much! oh, and Legato's last line here - for some reason I always thought he was talking about Vash? but now I realize he's talking about KNIVES. that's not translation-induced confusion, tho - just me being A Silly Lil Guy again, I guess 🤪

oh, and I didn't point it out in the last chapter, but...there's something striking about there being a church right at the top of Jeneora Rock. I can't explain why. it's just...something that rly sticks out or seems important to me.

OH, BUT THEN!!!

IT'S THE DOCTAAAAAAAAAand that's all the screaming I'll do about him for now 🤭

again, the Overhaul's translation is more informative, explicitly mentioning Knives' injuries, but idk. maybe I'm nitpicking. whateverrrrr, me likey additional info =u=

now...we get into the heavier topics.

their plan for resurrecting Knives is. disturbing. to say the least. you've got the physical horror, which was what most struck me when I was a teenager...but what gets me now is the violation/exploitation/stripping of agency from another plant for personal gain/survival...of which humans are guilty...but this time, it's all in the name of The Big Bad Human-Hater. and so, right when we finally get to meet him in the flesh, the narrative shows how, Plant Shenanigans aside, Knives...really isn't all that different from the humans he so hates. he perpetuates the exact. same. shit. the cognitive dissonance, man... 😣

more Dark Horse-induced confusion the Overhaul's cleared up for me

then, at the bottom of the page, where Wolfwood's grousing, Dark Horse has him saying "Shit! What the hell was with all th' training?!" (another line that always confused me) whereas the Overhaul has "Shit! What the hell am I doin'?!"

and that leads me into the next thing I wanted to note: it's here that we see Wolfwood is a man stuck between a rock and a hard place. he gets frustrated with it, doesn't want to do it, but he fully believes he can't get out of it :(

I also want to note a difference between the manga and tristamp - manga Vash is able to sense Knives the moment he's resurrected, whereas tristamp Vash is only aware of Knives' presence when the diner piano starts playing (ep 3). it's an interesting difference!

but then, there's fking...

...this. immediately after Knives is reborn.

I didn't think anything of it as a teen. but now...initially, I was horrified, thinking "oh shit, oh fuck, what the hell is he doing to his 'mother' now" BUT. looking at it a second time, I think I get what the context is telling us. on the previous page, there's Knives WITH HIS 'MOTHER' UNDERFOOT. on the panel immediately below the one I've shown, there's an explosion. so. I think what's going on here is that Knives is using his plant abilities to bust out - which still isn't great, most likely killing his 'mother' in the process...but unfortunately, considering who this is, it tracks;;;;;;

(Dark Horse on left, Overhaul on right)

so much more urgency comes through in the Overhaul's translation here - "...I NEED to face him. I have to END this!"

we also get a lot more out of the Overhaul on the next page, when Vash is talking about his memory loss. both translations start with Vash saying "Everything on the other side is blank..." but whereas Dark Horse has him continue with "Where there is no memory, I must go to fill in the void..." the Overhaul has "I lost all memory of what I've done. All that was left with me was a void and a memory of a mountain of rubble."

then, when Vash gets to Knives and points his gun at him...Knives' absolutely deranged reaction, which I found funny as a teen, now just. gives me the chills. as does how tristamp drew directly from this exchange for their meeting in that diner.

aaaaand we have some translation weirdness after Knives sees Vash's scars and is all "Vash y u no learn?!" Dark Horse then misattributes 2 speech bubbles in a panel with Vash, instead having Knives say:

KNIVES: "If you keep count, you've hurt so many more than you've killed. And compare that to all the destruction you've caused..."

KNIVES (next panel, speech bubbles are his): "So, shouldn't you...point that thing somewhere else?"

the Overhaul is, once again, a lot more clear here:

VASH (in reference to his scars): "They're nothing compared to the burden of death and destruction you've put on me! You're gonna pay for your sins, you monster!"

KNIVES: "Considering what you did with that right arm of yours...shouldn't you be pointing that gun somewhere else then?"

I believe that's what we call gaslighting? and the victim blaming Knives does over and over is... 😬

more translation weirdness. no comment here - I've been working on this post for literal hours now igkhddkhdjg

...no translation weirdness here - just wanted to note...I didn't get this part as a teen. now, I do... 😟

and both translations of the first thing Knives says to Vash after forcing him to bring out the angel arm now strike me as. so messed up. part of the SA/noncon allegory...

KNIVES (Dark Horse): "Well?! How do you like it, Vash?"

KNIVES (Overhaul): "How is it?! How does it feel, Vash?!"

and then, right before it fires? for some reason, Dark Horse completely leaves out what Vash says/thinks immediately after Rem's name. before the Overhaul, I had no idea that this bit was a thing: "...we were no good...right from the start." 😭

now here. have an Emotional Support Charlie. she slept beside me the whole damn time I wrote this post 💕

#trigunbookclub #text postan 2k23 #cw: implied/referenced SA/noncon

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piduai · 1 month

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From what I remember in the server, the last volume omake came out and somebody @‘ed Glass asking him to do translations and he was like no. Then a bunch of people started arguing about the omake itself and one person jokingly said smth along the lines of ‘I’m glad you lot aren’t writing GK’, Glass then got Really mad at them and was like ‘fuck you blahblahblah’ and they started arguing, resulting in him leaving the server.

I always thought fans acted really ungrateful towards him during those last few chapters but I also thought he was a bit of a piece of work even before that incident, but that’s just my take.

idk, when 313 came out i got severely disillusioned with that place. i'm sorry but you people were stupid and insufferable (not you, the people there). glass was complaining a lot for the last couple of months but the way people treated that was beyond immature. i mean yes, he was doing the translation, but when he was active in the server it was mostly as a reader and a fan, so he was entitled to his own opinions, no matter how negative they are. in a big chatroom, when someone is saying something you disagree with, you either change the subject when they're done or you close the chat, no?

but a lot of people conflated his work and his presence as yet another reader, and were attacking him personally because he did the translations. that's foul. don't get me wrong lol i also found him taxing at times and after a while the circlejerking over the same subject has started getting on my nerves lol but that's just how chatrooms work. why give him attention when you could have just ignored him, though. idk what happened but i think it's good he left lol i hope he had a better experience with dungeon meshi

#anon

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writer-motivator · 9 months

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While…. I might not have the urge to write anymoreee. I still want to! Like. It’s annoying honestly when I got all these good ideas but I AINT WRITING IT. why honestly….? Like especially for like. The shiny idea where he sees the mark in her eyes, which is SO FUN, and I actually have an idea of where to start it! But I guess, as soon as I think about…. actually writing it. I go blergh. Cuz it’s not like. Completely…. Urgh how to explain this…..

So like. You have an idea. It’s like. “R kisses M on the lips” and it feels straight forward but like. When you’re going to write, you don’t know where they are, you don’t know exactly how to write it.wnd mmmh. This isn’t the perfect explanation, as I do know like. What kinda of happens but it’s just. The words isn’t there….? Like I have to actively think about it. Like how exactly to start. I don’t have any clear thing to grasp on.

And that’s! Like annoying! It’s energy taxing! I don’t like it! I’d rather not work on it! I like it when I have somewhere to start. But also, I guess I do. Like I could literally go “He grabbed her hand” I guess there’s something else at work here. Mmmmh. Let’s try and get to the bottom of it.

Cuz like yeah, I know how the scene will go and stuff. I guess it’s more like… it’s not smooth? Like I know that he could possibly grab her hand, that I could start with that. But it isn’t exactly an opening I want. Like im not…. Sure? If that’s the word. Mmmmh.

Ah, I think it’s more like trail and error thing. Cuz there are many ways that I could open this with…. Like idk what to…. No that’s not right explanation either but on the right lines….

Was just scrolling through my wips and. I think I got it. It’s like yeah I have like. Openings that I could work on. But it’s just that, thinking about where to start. Requires. Actually thought. So like, I don’t want to bother with actually writing it physically it and rather stew on it, poke at it…. like until I actually get like. A line that I could work with. Sometimes, it takes time. HUH. that is really good discovery to make. Because it has always been so frustrating when like — I have this idea, but I don’t write it. Because I just… can’t. In simple form.

Huh, so like. At least. Knowing this, it makes that frustration not bubble up. I’m feeling instantly better rn. And it has… freed me at this idea? Like suddenly feel like I can crack on it, but more in a way of like…. Idek what im on here but suddenly feeling urge of WANTING to work on this and solve this opening problem heh.

I wonder how I could. So like. I want… ahhh…. okay. so I know I want it from her pov, I did ponder like. Maybe his. But it’s better if it’s like hers. And this is like during maybe when she helps him sleep — I honestly haven’t decided on that and it’s a flexible thing — but REALLY. like that he’s there when he gets an…. Oh…. OH….. I really wanna write a thing about ep5 when he’s THERE when she wakes up! but I don’t want that for this idea, mmmh. but I did want to write something else about ep5, too, like about the whole waking up hugging. it would be fun to dig into his pov then. but urgh his pov in part2 is so hard to write for me :( wait I guess his pov in general is hard to write LOL but part….. two…. Part two….. I guess it would be a fun challenge

aNYWAYS to go back to that idea. so like. idk, but the thing is that i really would like him to be THERE while she has a memory, and like. be like what’s wrong??? when she gets the ~dizzy~ spell heh. and like from her pov, it would be so good to write his reaction. the way she doesn’t know why he’s acting like this and just… assumes it’s cuz of her dizzy spell. BUT NO. org, I thought that this would be when he realises but no no I realise that. He wouldn’t. Like the confusion???? The way the mark disappears????? Of course he’d think that he saw something that wasn’t there. Cuz he wanted that. Heh 🤭

And it’d be so fun to write. I guess I should focus now is like…. The beginning part. Like. What leads to like. Her being there before she’s getting the memories. That part is… completely blank for me. Mmmh. I think that’s important for me to figure out, it’d put things into place — cuz like, having that. I can see where they are better before that scene.

As much as I do like it to be a “helping him sleep” plot, I don’t want it for that. Since that feels more like awkward, distance and not-distance distance ahaha. And seems idk too convenient, it’s boring !!!! to me !!! . And plus o want to explore that in another fic so….

oh I really like it if they had something like ep5 that scene where he sees her walking around and just Watches her. ahhhhh, I really do like something for them that like. causes them mmmh to like be outside together! go on lunch! it would be so FUN to explore and like the way it :) leads into the he sees the mark scene :) oh I LIKE THAT

but mmmh. now to actually think about…. what they are doing and like what leads them to that moment. I KNOW that this is like first so actual official time that they are Doing considering how he’s so distant and barely home. yeah. so v delicious thing to bite into. I don’t think I want it to be an external force that makes them so, and I don’t think I like it to be a “coincidental” meet up.

I think I do like the idea of her asking him to go somewhere and initially, maybe he refuses but like. Idk. It depends on what she’s asking. I think im getting more of a picture as to what to write. IM SO HAPPY. and this has been much helpful! I think I’ll adopt this approach in other ideas.

Ahhhh let’s try it for this ss one I have. Where I did mentally write it, but LOL forgot. Well, it’s more accurate to say that it “faded” away. Yeah. Anyways heheheheh let’s GO. I will try this one mentally to see how it goes. Whether me physically writing the process of thought does change. Things. Mmmmh. 11:39

#january 2024 #did some! planning! here!#figuring what makes my writing tick!#very productive shit!#im v pleasantly surprised and v happy!

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thephantomofthenight · 3 years

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Rating Halloween Kills characters by how stupid they are:

Warning Spoilers

Michael aka the shape/boogie man: 1/10

Michael literally has the reading comprehension of a 6 year old but is still smarter than almost everyone in this damn movie. Like imagine getting outsmarted by the dude that never even graduated kindergarten?

Laurie aka milf: 3/10

I would have given her a 1 like Michael but sis really decided to run around after being stabbed and having surgery talkin bout how “evil dies tonight” like ma’am if you don’t put your ass back in that bed. I’m sure Michael will still be in his house for a couple days eating someone’s dog or something.

Karen aka younger milf/now available: 4/10

she gets this rating mostly because of the ending. However, she was the smartest parent out of all the parents in this movie. I’m only giving her the 4 because she 1) stabbed Michael with a pitchfork then DROPPED THE DAMN THING. Like ma’am if you don’t go and aim for this mans neck or head like why you dropping it. 2) the ending where she decides to go back into the serial killers house alone that said killer is obsessed with and look out the window that he has been known to stare out of. To be fair on her end though she thought he was dead but sis should have knew better when she saw this man get shot in the neck, had fingers chopped off, survived a damn building fire while locked in the basement and also the fact that she stabbed him with a pitchfork and he got up like it was a mild inconvenience.

Allyson aka milfs granddaughter/new final girl: 5/10

Allyson really thought she could go against a grown ass man who has the strength of a gorilla who just did a line of coke and crack mixed together. She did get a few good shots in don’t get me wrong but she’s a 17 year old girl going against a dude who she witnessed get hit by a car at full speed and all it did was give him a power nap.

Cameron aka cheating boyfriend/looks great in a skirt: 6/10

One he cheated on his girlfriend which overall stupid move. Two he split up from Allyson like a dumbass. Like you’re hunting a serial killer whose built like the Empire State Building and you decide to go alone. Make that make sense. Three he does not know how to shoot a gun.

Big and Little John aka the token gay characters: 10/10

These two literally share one brain cell this whole entire movie. Which is a gay mood but like who sees a bloodied handprint and goes “let me investigate”. No bitch if you don’t run out that door like my father did 20 years ago and go to the nearest town over. I’d rather burn my house down then have to deal with whoever the fuck just came inside. Maybe I’m just built different idk.

Firefighters aka water boys: 10/10

If you saw a man that’s roughly 6’7 (this is what wiki says. His height changes every movie but imma just go with that one so don’t hit me with the wElL AcTuAlLy) come out of a burning building carrying a weapon you don’t just spray fucking water on him like he’s a goddamn shamwow absorbing all of it. There was 10 men there all holding some form of weapon and you guys decide to not JUMP HIM. Hell if I saw that man walk out of the house imma just let god handle it and run the fuck outta there.

The old people that die (idk their names): 9/10

If the little toy airplane i was flying was yeeted at me from a dark ass corner in my house you best believe I would have made like a banana and split. I give some form of credit to these two because they did try and lock him in the bathroom. But when that old lady didn’t open the damn door like sis he’s just standing there why are you crying. At least cry and run at the same time.

Hawkins aka waste of taxes: 10/10

You’re telling me this man became a police officer had to go to an academy and learn how to shoot a gun to have the aim of fucking Helen Keller. Seriously I get the first time when he was far away and stuff but when he was walking down the stairs you couldn’t shoot straight. He at least hit some form of a target. Not the right one but hey I give credit when credit due.

Tommy aka EvIL DiEs ToNiGhT: 12/10

So let me get this straight. He literally watches a news studio post a picture of Michael Myers and this fucker goes We DoNt KnOw WhAt He LoOkS liKe. Let’s use the clues that are given here. Laurie says several times it is not him the one person who has gone up against him on more than one occasion. Karen says it’s not him and even try’s to protect the poor man. He also started a mob against a random man who is mentally ill and was looking for help at the hospital. Like if it was Michael the guy you described as someone who has no remorse and a killing machine why in the fuck would that person run away. Like use the fucking clues presented in front of you. Also why not call the damn cops once you beat the fuck outta this man. They all would have guns.

Lindsey aka swamp water: 3/10

I don’t really think she did anything stupid per say. I mean going against Michael with a bag of bricks was a dumb but also smart move at the same time. She was crafty and made her own weapon. While I personally would have said fuck them hoes and booked it she was brave and tried to fight back against him. She did get caught but ya know bitch survived so good for her.

Vanessa, Marcus and Marion aka the breakfast club but make it worse: 15/10

All of them were completely stupid. Marion not knowing how to save bullets. Marcus waiting till Marion is in gods light for him to finally try and do something. Vanessa was the smartest one besides accidentally shooting herself in the head. But sis why would you try and shoot from long distance knowing damn well you do not know how to shoot a gun at all. Overall they were all stupid.

Lonnie aka father of the year/Jill sandwich: 12/10

Who in their right mind would take teenagers to a serial killer hunt? Especially YOUR CHILD. Not only that but give said children guns. Like I understand the whole stronger together thing but they are still children. They shouldn’t be the ones that was dealing with this bullshit. He does change his mind in the end but it’s a little to fucking late for that. Especially since he didn’t even call anyone and say “hey maybe you guys should all come to the Myers house” no he decides to go in by his damn self with no backup what do ever. It would have made more sense for him to call tommy and tell him to bring a crowd over or the police.

Julian aka little shit from across the street: 0/10

Smartest character is a little boy. He knew the assignment and passed with flying colors. Technically this happened in Halloween but he does make a minor appearance and in that minor appearance he was still the smartest person in this whole damn movie.

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thecrowslullaby · 3 years

Note

Why is it you ship loceit? For the record, I like it too, I just want your long analysis of reasoning, if you’ve got it.

It's honestly just a comfort ship.

And I say ship but in all honestly I don't really care that much if they are friends/lover/family in the story im reading. I can genuinely see these two characters forming a healthy relationship, whatever that relationship is.

I genuinely love both these characters and it's fun seeing them bounce off each other. Hey are similar in so many aspect but have enough differences to create conflict between them.

But if I had to pinpoint a few things about them I could name:

The first time Janus appeared. I don't think Logan was hostile or felt any I'll will towards deceit until he had been silenced. His line right before deceit was revealed made me think he was the one who figured it out first but haven't thought it important to point out bc just like he pointed out with Remus, all of them are parts of Thomas. Lying is part of Thomas. This has more to do with Logan being and open minded person (side?) than with loceit. But being open minded is also important in a relationship.

They are both good at debating and I can't tell you how much fun it is to "politely" argue with your friends or family. Debate back and forth over the silliest of statements or discuss bigger issues. I feel like they could approach problems from a logical perspective in a relationship (yeah, yeah, misunderstandings are fun, i know I overuse them. But I think they would communicate well in an established relationship)

The way Logan is very literal and Janus likes thinking outside of the box. How Logan prides himself in being hardworking while Janus likes to take the easy route. I think this is a nice balance. I think it's nice to have someone in your life to push you forward if you're feeling lazy as well to have someone to point out you can make sth easier for yourself

They both appear extremly closed of to me. And I genuinely like the idea of two, seemingly cold people being a little soft with each other. (and I don't really mean like cutesy couple-y (although that's cute too) but like that softness that comes from knowing someone for years and you lower your defence around them. That tired softness of leaning against someone you trust despite disliking physical contact. Just... Being a little more casual around each other?)

I think they could easily switch between "domestic mode" to "buisness mode" if things like taxes or chores would need to be discussed. (idk how to explain this)

I could probably go on for hours but there are a lot of "little things" that balance the two nicely. And all of those little things just give me comfort :D.

#Crow rambles #Loceit #Kinda #Also fun fact #There is one married couple in my life that's basically loceit #Yes. They come with a height difference

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friendofflowersandfrogs · 2 years

Text

Hello lovelies! So, you don’t have to read below the line. I’m not expecting people to. I’m just in one of those late night moods ya know and I need to get a little off my chest so. Little huge vent time. Tw: loneliness? Some Swearing.

*deep breath*

I’m so touch starved rn 😅 which is funny and like aw ok until I’m like actually kinda depressed over it. I’m so fcking lonely irl.

My friends are…I love them so much. But I have a big friend group. And…I didn’t choose them? I kinda got dragged in freshman year by a mutual friend which was fine bc I was very shy and wasn’t doing all that great on my own, and said mutual friend was my bff for a long time. More on them later. (For this purpose, I’m gonna call them B). And like I said I love my friends now. But I’m not a big group kinda person. It stressed me out over the year. I tried to spread myself so thin, spending a little time with everyone, getting along with everyone even if not everyone in the general group got along anyways. And because if that, I feel like I got close to no one. I’m just above acquaintance status with everyone. I’m the friend that walks behind or in the grass by the sidewalks. If I don’t organize the event, I’m forgotten. This is partially my fault, I’m fully aware. But god I regret how I did my freshman year. I have a big group of friends. And I’m so fcking lonely. I have no one who is MY person, ya know? No one to make pillow forts with, no one to cry to. I’m sure I could with any of them and I know many of them do love me too, but I’m still a secondary thought. They wouldn’t come to me if they saw me down. Not like I always always go to them no matter how shitty I personally feel. A sentiment that is making me a little bitter and part of why I’m so ready to step away. They aren’t toxic friends, but they promote toxic behaviors for me and my emotions without realizing. They aren’t healthy for me. A big friend group like that… it’s too much for me and no where near enough return.

Now, I did mention B earlier. My best and closest friend of ages?? What about them?? It’s taken me 2 years to realize it, and even then I’m still struggling with accepting it, but that friendship was hella toxic. God I was in such denial fck now I’m crying lmao but they don’t mean it!!! Which is the worst part!!! They’re is nothing they can do. They have a lotttt of mental health issues going on and I have poured every ounce of my energy into helping them and it was never enough. It’s not my fault, I know, and I not theirs either. They need help beyond anyone. A mental hospital maybe (I mean this in the best way. Not like I want to get rid of them but as in they need extreme help). And once I realized how taxing this was, I stepped back. B was making a ton of friends, doing much better than I was in that department, so Ik they’d be safe. But I just…I couldn’t do it anymore? And I get absolutely awful about it, but…I did start to feel better. I physically had more energy. I was in a much better mental place. I was doing really well, for the first time in years. Which absolutely sucked for my guilt. And worse, B felt me pulling away. They begged me to stay, to always be there for them. And like a wimp, I promised. I know I can’t keep that promise. But I did. And I will always love them. So much. That part of the promise I really meant. B says all I need to do is be there for them, not even say anything. Just hugs. But hugs aren’t enough to sustain a friendship.

We used to talk about everything. We were two peas in a pod in middle school, B and I. We had the same interests, the same social awkwardness, music and food taste, and love of cuddles. It was perfect. And then we grew older. We changed slowly. Now, we couldn’t be more different. I cant sustain this friendship solely on hugs because I don’t know what to say anymore. We are just. Idk I could hug B for hours and in the end I’d still feel lonely cuz that’s not really human connection anymore? We are ready to grow apart as friends. Except emotionally they’re not. Not to mention thier family. I’m their second child. God it sucks but sometimes they treat me better than their own kid (prob cuz it’s not their place to discipline me. They are just giving me the loving parent stuff they know my own mother doesn’t give). How can I just say goodbye? I plan to still keep in touch, but it’s never going to be the same.

Not to mention my real mom despises all my friends. Because they’re gay. She’s empathic, which has been a source to a lot of trauma for me -_- which is why it’s hard to come to terms with the fact I’m also probably empathic (Which explains a lot of how I feel above). She forced me out of the closet one day, and I admitted it, and…things have never been the same. She says I’m not gay, I’m just absorbing other peoples energy and taking it on, so I think I am gay (an actual empathic thing, don’t feel like going into it but yeah). It’s probably gaslighting but I think she believes it. And sometimes I wonder if she’s right. I don’t think she is? I mean, no one in my constant vicinity is aromantic, especially when I realized I was. So that at least is all me. But because of this, my mom has never met my friends. I go to painstaking lengths and stress to keep them apart. Oh she knows about them. She can feel the gay in my energy or something and she knows about them apparently. She also questions me every time I watch gay media even if she doesn’t know. Cuz apparently h can absorb energy from tv and music too. Makes it kinda scary to watch the owl house lol.

And ofc it’s summer so I haven’t seen any friends anyways in ages. Girls at my dance don’t really care about me. So the loneliness is kicking in full gear. So next year, I’m going to try to make new friends. Im going to try to make the friends. Despite it being the middle of highschool. People who I can laugh to or cry to and am not constantly stressing over trying to make conversation or keep the friendship stable or keep the friend stable. Maybe straighter friends so I can bring them home safely…People I can have a movie kind of friendship with. I realize that may be unrealistic. But it’s summer, and I’m lonely and touch starved and low key surviving on the longing for this dream. And I can do this with my moots of, but it’s not the same. I’m a very touchy person, and we can pretend all we want, but most of us live 1000s miles away…

Shout out to Amphibia of all fcking shows 😅😭. God I love that little frog show. It kept me going through this past year and it’s given me some great advice and I’m going to need it this autumn. The theme is about change and growing for those who don’t know, and the general theme and ending of it is how my life is going, and will go if I have any day in the fall. It…it helped me come to terms with the toxicity with B too.

God this was so long. If you are here, reading this now…wow. I love you so much. Honey wtf are you doing here. 😅💖💖💖 thanks for listening. Im fine. Im really fine.

#tw vent #Hemera personals #don’t have to read srsly #I just really needed an outlet #put my words out there so they weren’t bottled up anymore #I haven’t really told anyone this #not to this extent #anyways #it’s quite long so oops

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saintobio · 3 years

Note

my first ask ( aaaaaa :D )!!

firstly, thank you so much for a great chapter this week, and all the chapters you’ve given us prior. you said you’re not satisfied with your writing, but your story may be one of the best ive ever read. up until i came across SN, i had never found a good chaptered x reader that interested me like SN did ( and im a pretty picky reader lmao ). so, even if you doubt yourself, i ( and im sure lots of others do ) think your writing is amazing.

secondly, ive thought about this for a while, but there’s certain songs i associate with SN and it’s characters now! recently, ive really been associating the song “Dark Red” by Steve Lacy with SN gojo and his feelings towards yn. especially the chorus : “Don't you give me up, please don't give up on me, I belong, with you, and only you, baby. only you, my girl, only you, babe x3, only you, darling, only you”. the fact that gojo practically says this to yn in the new chapter too ): . the song in its entirety describes his emotions towards his wife perfectly, but those lines in particular spoke to me the most ( you should listen to the song if you haven’t before. it’s been on tiktok a lot recently, so u may have already heard it!). another song i associate with SN is “Cameras/Good Ones Go” by Drake, which also has something to do with gojo lol. when it comes to “cameras”, i envision gojo saying the lyrics to sera (i thought about this long before he'd broken things off with her). like hes trying to console her. the lyrics, "Baby girl you need to stop it all that pride and self esteem got you angry about this girl I'm with in all them magazines” , “it looks like we’re in love but only on camera” give me flashbacks to when gojo was actually in love with sera, and made promises to leave his wife for her. after all, it was all supposed to be for show ( for the “cameras” when put in perspective of the song ) but that’s not the case now. for the second song, “good ones go”, I loosely connected it to gojo and yn, and I think the title is pretty self explanatory as to why asjdj. there’s a couple of other songs, but another main one is “Come into the water” by Mitski which I associate with yn and gojo. don’t worry, i won’t go into a full on analysis LMAOSOS but if you’re curious as to why, you should listen to the song and ALSOO look at the meaning of it :D

once again, thank you so much for this weeks chapter and your hard work. i know you get lots of asks as soon as your box opens ( I mean, here i am LMAO ), and i wont mind if you cant get to mine!! i hope you aren’t feeling too overwhelmed especially since you’ve been on such a consistent updating schedule. i also hope you’re taking care of yourself and your physical as well as mental well-being. supporting you always! <3

long compilation below

Anonymous said

I KNEW IT SMH I KNEW SHE WAS CRAZY. AND FUCK YUUTA CAUSE HE SHOULDA SAID SOMETHJNG.

But anyways...

The way that sera rly just cannot keep yn out her mouth 😒 and atp she just needs to start paying taxes on it. like its too expensive to just be tossed around like that babe🙄☝🏾 I feel like for someone "broke" she sure is worried about everything BUT getting her own money. And thats another thing.... SHES NOT BROKE FR. SHES JUST NORMAL. IDK WHY SHES SO PRESSED ABOUT IT. Idk if cursing yn is rly gonna get u more gains but whatever

I felt yn in this chapter tho cause I am so weak when it comes to emotions. Like if my mind was made up and then he goes and does that I would not know what to do. Cause like you did all this shit but at the same time youre dealing with your own shit. I just think it was unfair to yn.

Lastly eucalyptus can die in a hole cause who does that to an old woman. And so can gojos dad cause he's old and probably smells like someone tried to spray expensive cologne over a fart cloud😖

I get so sad whenever a chapter ends cause I wanna read more😭😭Im so impatient but it's literally worth the wait. Love your writing bae keep up the good work but only after you catch up on the zzs💗

@girlruby23 said

FINALLY GOT TO AN OPEN ASK😭

SAINT ITS BEEN THAT I WANT TO APPRECIATE YOUR WRITING.. YOUR WORK IS ASTOUNDING AND IT GIVES ME CHILLS EVERYTIME I READ IT .SN is one of the highlight of my week(sry for all caps, those are just my emotions) i had a question that i asked before but maybe it didnt reach you.

Do you believe in foreshadowing, have you foreshadowed something in any chapters that someone caught on perfectly?

Also sry im asking again but how many chapters are there for S1?

Also saint please take care. I know youve had a rough week with your health issues. So look after yourself. LOTS OF LOVE ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@oikawaandkuroostan said

A wonderful chapter, once again. Just, wow.

I am so amazed once again by how you portrayed Gojo and Y/N's changing dynamic, as well as adding the childhood flashbacks to show how connected they were.

TW for mention of abuse and violence below:

I was truly heartbroken to see when Gojo was begging for Y/N to hit him and scream at him. I know it was written in the story about how shocked y/n was when she realized how he was willing to subject himself to the abuse. Like, oh my god, it really hit me hard. I know we see that trope in a lot of media where men will say they're willing to subject themselves to the abuse of their partners just to get them to stay, but I don't think we realized how truly sad that is. And for Gojo, someone who was subjected to violence by his father, it's really sad. It's so sad to see how he believes this is what he needs to do just to keep people around.

And when his father beat him in the hospital? God, I knew it would happen, but I was still shocked. I'm just shocked by how horrible his family has hurt him throughout his life.

And Eula? Damn, I'm so upset. I had a sinking feeling she would do what she did, but her thought process? The whole "if she goes down, her family goes down" mentality? That's so scary and it goes to show the depths of how wretched she is (as well as how bad Sera could be). It's awful, because she's truly selfish. I thought she cared about her son and providing him with the tools, while she could benefit from him, but now I see she really doesn't care about anyone but herself. At least she recognizes that she's Gojo Sr.'s "karma".

Anyway, thank you again for such a well written chapter, you really had my attention all the way through. I'm always a fan, and you really inspire me in how I want to write.

Please make sure you take care of yourself, though, we in the Discord and your other fans are worried.

- Moni

Anonymous said

i can’t stand eula🤮 and sera🤮 and if sera just pulls up to the funeral uninvited i will literally scream bc WHO TF GOES TO A FUNERAL WHEN YOU’RE NOT INVITED?? 🤬 i dont wanna jinx it but i also feel like she’d make it about herself saying something like “i just wanted to be here for satoru🥺” when she gets kicked out🤬 and ofc she chooses to actually care for him and his feelings when he broke up with her🤬 i also hope eula gets her shit rocked because why would you strangle someone especially your husbands mom😒i hope yuuta snaps at his mom because that woman is crazy 😒 and y/n’s dad and gojos are so different from each other it hurts how different they are😮‍💨 y/n’s dad always puts her first and gojos is the complete opposite😬 and the royal party when they were 7 $:&:&/&£\€\€\^ it’s so cute 🥲 when he promised to marry her 🥲 and did they start greeting each other by kissing each other on the cheek? if so that’s so cute🥲 toji has got to be my favorite also🥺 he worries so much for y/n🥺 i hope his worm comes in soon tho😛 and i also saw your post about gojo wanting 2 kids and it reminded me about how sovieshu wanted kids that looked like navier i added a lot of emojis because it adds flair and also shows emotions so i hope you don’t mind but great chapter as always saint ❤️ you never fail to impress me😫🤝

Anonymous said

🕯 🕯 🕯

🕯 manifesting therapeutic 🕯

🕯 circle after the 🕯

🕯 recent chapter 🕯

🕯 🕯

rip nana- she didn't deserve that noooo eula why 🤺 and that scene with dadjo? i almost threw hands at my screen but am i really willing to sacrifice my phone for the likes of dadjo? absolutely not. i swear the moment i saw sera's name, i just let out a long ass sigh- she annoys me so much lol. her wanting to show up at the funeral gives me mixed feelings like miss maam that's nice of u to give ur two cents but i highly doubt ur presence is wanted bye. can i also just say that i love how you put so much effort into these characters and the storyline!! i could never write angst bc each time i do, i'll literally change the ending to a happy one 😭. i admire the way you wrote these characters in a way where the reader is able to feel what y/n feels throughout the entirety of sn- at least that's how i feel! that's not an easy thing to do as a writer and i really respect that! i hope that you're doing well btw :( you sounded really upset about those asks ksksks. stay safe and get some rest okay! <3

@lcveaesop said

reading Remarried Empress bc a lot of y'all have said it's similar to SN & i do agree! only that the empress is much more composed than y/n (bc obv she's an empress) and saint has written y/n to be more empathetic, selfless, and gentle.

I don't know who i hate more, sera or rashta? they're both entitled to anything good the world has to offer bc of their poor background (which i sympathize with bc it's sad, relatable, and they don't deserve it) but their greediness exceeds them which makes them unworthy of what they want.

sovier and gojo? kick them to the curb. idk how sovier will develop since im still on early chapters but gojo is forgiven bc.... BECAUSE.

the current chapter might give me y/n's condition considering how much the drama made my heart race😭 pls rest and take all the time if you need saint! even a hiatus if u want, u deserve it💛

guroyeu said

tw: death, s*ram and e*la 🤢🤢

waa my feelings towards gojo throughout this whole chapter was like riding a roller coaster 😭 i swore at him sm in my head but i couldn’t help but feel bad when he was begging yn. he rlly has been through a lot and i’m super glad we see so much more of what’s happening on his side (or family). i’m also rlly glad yn is being very brave, despite feeling nauseous throughout the whole situation. when i saw the warning for a minor character death then i KNEW IT WOULD BE NANA OMFGSG. but then at the same time i had to look away from the screen when it rlly was her that died 💀💀 i wish i wasn’t right this time LMFAO. eula is such a bitch too. there’s just so much to say about her and sera in this, but i’m sure all the readers are thinking the same about those 2 lol. AND i just laughed when sera thought naoya would be on her side when she mentioned toji. did she rlly think he would agree?? LMAO WHY WOULD HE WANNA HAVE A RUMOR THAT INVOLVED HIS OWN FAMLY’S COMPANY. seeing sera get shocked cause she expected him to agree with her was just so entertaining to me. also, this has to be my fav chapter. u did so well, ai <3

@moonlightaangel said

how dare you hurt us like this? 🥲 Nana was supposed to see Gojo’s and MC children, and now we’re all heartbroken 😭 fuck the s*rakatsuki, we need the e*lakatsuki now, how dare the scheming, conniving bitch kill Nana 😩 and i wanted to like Yuuta but if he doesn’t admit to what his devil of a mother did, i’ll never forgive him. thank you for throwing in the bit of comfort with Gojo accepting his mother’s comfort, i honestly i want him to forgive her 🥺 and hopefully he doesn’t blame himself. I need Gen to fly back to Japan and whoop E*la’s/S*ra’s ass, because she’s a queen who knows how to get shit done. please give us the satisfaction of throwing her fake ass in jail for manslaughter, heck, make it third degree murder for our sakes. i just want her to suffer without Gojo Sr.’s help. also i can’t believe he didn’t hear Eula telling her to shut up or Nana struggling, it’s amazing how much of a disappointment Gojo Sr. continues to be. Couldn’t even listen on the phone right either. I hope the autopsy shows it wasn’t cardiac arrest, even though I know it’s unlikely since they’re already talking about the funeral 🥲 Anyways, stan MC, Gen, and Gojo’s Mom for clear skin ✨ I know you tend to have over 300+ messages, so just know we love and care for you! Take good care of your body and take time to relax! Self care is a beautiful thing and we wouldn’t you to get burnt out! Take all the time in the world to write, because we’ll always be here to support you! 🤍

@my-reality-is-in-my-head said

Saint holy shit!! That was an amazing chapter why are u apologizing for its quality?! I THINK IT’S THE BEST CHAPTER YOU’VE EVER DONE SO FAR!! The way you amazingly wound together all the plot points, wrote them in such a heartfelt and exciting manner, GIRL I’M TELLING YOU I COULD NOT STOP SQUEALING BC OF HOW GOOD THE CHAPTER WAS!! IT’S MY FAVORITE SO FAR😭😭💜💜 Putting all the events that happened aside, I really can’t stop thinking how great the plot is 😭I’ve never ever read a fic this amazing i swear I shit u not. You deserve all the praise coming your way, AND PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY AND UNHOLY PLEASE STOP APOLOGIZING FOR YOUR WRITING BC YOU’RE DOING A REALLY GREAT JOB 😭😭💔💔 I don’t know how else to express everything I’m feeling rn bc I’m a bit incoherent after that chapter sjajiss but I want u to know that I love you!! 💜💜 Great job Saint! Rest properly LIKE PROPERLY AFTER THIS!!

@seai-o2 said

This ask may not be as important as the other ones you've been receiving but sjkffhkssk I've been itching to share to you that 'Somebody Else' by The 1975 fits Y/N so well 😩

Just imagine how the entire chorus speaks for Y/N and the plethora of emotions she's been keeping to herself while still allowing Gojo to meet Sera just because + the confusion kicks in on whether or not she should push through with the divorce, but this was before she finally decided.

"You said you'd find someone to take my place" - Then this phrase leads back to the moments where Gojo would continually remind her that she'll never be Sera no matter how hard she tries, ESPECIALLY ON THEIR FIRST NIGHT TOGETHER AND THE TRIP TO ICELAND (then ofc this all leads up to him regretting it kskskskdjs).

"and everytime I start to believe in anything you're saying I'm reminded that I should be getting over it" - This part is when (our hot daddy/the only man I'll ever commit arson for/everyone's baby/the walking temptation) Toji encourages Y/N to stand her ground and fight for herself too coz fuck knows she's got her own life on the line plus its not something to be taken lightly.

"Get someone you love? Get someone you need? Fuck that, get money, I can't give you my soul, 'cause we're never alone" - Ah yes, I get a strong vibe that this line is where Y/N starts to push Gojo away just for the sake of keeping her angina at a less life-threatening level. This also takes me back to the moments where Gojo would run after Sera and leave Y/N in the dark. Like when they were in Bora Bora, they even couldn't communicate and see eye to eye coz Sera was there, and how could Y/N commit herself to him when Gojo was clearly being half-assed at this part? 😭 (but hey, I'm loving every bit of the really heavy angst so BRING IT ON AUTHOR-CHAN!~).

I miss sending you asks omg AND I HAVE TO SAY THAT YOU'VE GOTTEN SO FAR SINCE remember, forever. I absolutey love how more and more people discover your written works, it makes me really glad to see the amount of supporters/readers you have 🙏 Please please pleeeaaaase take care and continually stay safe!~

All my love and support ٩(๛ ˘ ³˘)۶♥

@seashellmichellee said

ALDNAKDKAKS I REAAAAALLY WANNA PULL EULA’S HAIR UNTIL SHE GOES BALD HOLY SHIT ALSNAKSAKA THE AUDACITY OF THE PRETENTIOUS WOMAN!!!!!!! I CANNOT ALSJAKKSA AND HOLY HELL YUUTA 😭 I GET THAT SHE’S YOUR MOM BUT!!? ALSJKAA HNG I STILL WANNA BELIEVE THAT YUUTA WOULD TELL THE TRUTH COZ NANA IS SUCH A SWEET ANGEL AND IF HER DEATH WOULDN’T BE JUSTIFIED, IMMA STRANGLE EULA TO DEATH!!!! AND IMMA DRAG SERA ALONG SO GOJO & Y/N COULD LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER AKDHAKXKSK

Anonymous said

hi Saint! i’m not gonna send a long analysis again this time but just know that this recent chapter left me speechless, in a good way.

I’ve been following you since the ufc fic was ending and honestly you’re one of my favorite writers on tumblr, I get so happy/excited to see notifications both from this blog and your main pop up on my phone. sometimes I see you apologizing bc you think that the writing in the chapters are not the best or bc of your delay in publishing, but pls don’t, bc I don’t want you feeling like you have to meet a certain standard for us readers, honestly anything that you produce is amazing and I’m sure that plenty people also think the same. and it’d be a shame if you ended up feeling like you can no longer enjoy a hobby that you’re choosing to share with the rest of us.

prettyy pls take a much needed break because your health, well-being and personal life is always a number one priority. you don’t owe us anything and if you feel like falling back for however long you need then you should do it, tumblr can wait!

have a good night/day depending on when you receive this!

-🦢

Anonymous said

Again a perfect chapter!! I loved it and it ended so shocking I couldn't believe. I'm feeling a little weird(Idk if its right word?) about what will happen next. Will satoru's dad find out? What will happen between satoru and y/n? Or What really naoya is planning? Andd yuuta plays an important role idk if he will tell. Even though it's right thing to confess I can understand because it's his mom. Also I'm a little worried about satoru he might think he really lost everyone and if he find out who did that his relationship with his father would be so much worse because basically he married with the woman. (honestly he has every right to do anything) Anyway, thank you so much for your hardwork and I'm sorry if I didn't make so much sense! Lastly I wanna add please don't push yourself too much. I know maybe ur hearing it too much but sometimes letting yourself, your mind relax is important. So give yourself a little free time sometimes. Have great day! 💗

Anonymous said

saint, good job with this week's update ( ,: i mean it every time I say it; thank you, for committing to your passions and being a joy to others through it.

One thing I wanted to really really highlight was the emotional connection that really blossomed in this chapter. I always knew yn and gojo had somewhat of a connection together, since they were each other's puppy love, but this last chapter really solidified their value for one another. The flashback from both their childhood scenes, I believe, will play a part in how yn and gojo's future will unfold. Seeing how he tries so hard to keep his childhood promises with yn, I dont see him taking his promise with yn's mom lightly - he'll probably try and commit to that till his grave. Yes, there's still so much to unfold... but I think because of this emotional connection that you established, I believe the future chapters would be that much harder for us, readers, to absorb the pain the characters will go through, but also for you, as the writer, to encapsulate all the detail and weight of the scenes that are to come. I believe yn stating her trauma with gojo was such a big step for both of them, and for their marriage. I know we are foreshadowing a divorce, but I also do believe in order for gojo to willingly let her go... he needs to know all of what he's done to her, and hear it from yn herself. It's good because the more yn reveals, the more gojo seems to be a slave to yn's heart; the more she shares her brokenness, the more he desperately desires to cling unto her. Imagine how painful it would be IF and WHEN these two lovers have to separate?

@propertyoftoru said

CHAPTER 13!!! MY HEART!!! YOUR SKILLS AS A WRITER??? HOLY SHIT??? IM SO ENVIOUS OF YOUR TALENT 😭😭 the EMOTIONS i went thru while reading this!! my heart was BREAKING for satoru like yeah i might’ve been mad at him for a bit but his groveling 😭 he just wants to be loved and he FINALLY TOLD US THAT. even during the smut i was smiling but also crying at the same time. he put his own selfish desires aside and opted to wear a condom because he knew it was what y/n wanted 😭 and he was so concerned when y/n said to slow down 😭 THE AMMOUNT OF ANGER I HAVE TOWARDS EULA?!!?!!?!!!!! HOW DARE YOU!!! NOT NANA!!! LITERALLY ANYONE ELSE EXCEPT FOR NANA!!!! while i was reading that section i just kept whispering “pls no not nana” then the flash backs gave me WHIPLASH because the first flashback i was like AWWWW bb toru being an angel and making ANOTHER promise to take care of and marry y/n then the second flash back i was like GOD PLEASE NO. LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE BUT THIS. i just wanna take a second an admire your ability to make me form an emotional attachment here and literally feel my heart BREAK. NANA DESERVED BETTER 😭😭 i just hope satoru doesn’t lash out on yuuta if he does manage to find out the truth. poor bb didn’t do anything and i feel like he’s gonna get caught in the crosshairs 😭 those stinky rats eula and sera are gonna get what the deserve. (my foot up their asses) thank u for another amazing chapter 🥺🥺 i hope ur doing well and feeling better! 💕

Anonymous said

i really just want megumi, mai, and maki's reaction towards sera if they knew that she wasn't an ex but an affair. knowing you and your writing, if ever that happens in the future chapters, it would be GOLD i just know it. and poor megumi, that leech is latching on you and your father. get away you bitch, even the depths of hell wont accept you 🤺🤺

also i feel bad for yuuta rn, he seen all of that and HIS OWN MOTHER threatened him, then he got to keep the act all up i just want to hug him tight and assure him that everything will be okay in the end because (trust the author!). he must be traumatized and unstable like satoru right now, given that he has seen all that but decided to bottle it up. i do hope yuuta and satoru works together (somehow? i dont know but i want to see where their brotherhood goes 🤔) against all of the things happening in the gojou group right now. by this time, its only the two of them left to stop their family name from dropping down to the lowest levels in the business industry.

even though they are unstable right now they are the only 'stable enough person' to stop things from happening.

oh and sera becoming more and more confident? bitch put your confidence back to your own place you don't deserve at least a small ounce of it. don't even hold your head up high because the only thing you will be holding your head up high for is seeing yn succeed. (my superiority complex cant stand seras bullshit)

nonetheless, another great chapter from you and things are getting more and more promising now. two chapters left and i am excited to see where this one goes because everything is going downhill, but enough for the climax of the story to begin (seeing the dramas and problems happening here and there). and by that, i have a feeling that sn1 will end on a bad one then sn2 will still have drama but i think that'll be where resolutions happens on some part. (my theory ._.)

even so, ill put all my trust on you on the next chapters because i trust your judgement, outline, plot, plans, and character development. and also sorry if any of my words turned out offensive. ;-;

another great chapter, thank you saint. please take a great, great rest equivalent to this great chapter before you start writing again. you deserve all the time in the world because of how much effort i see you put into each of your works. please also use that same effort to take care of yourself. dont forget that! take care of yourself!

thats all my rants for this chapter, i hope its not annoying. ah, i wish for yuuta's happy ending too. baby boy needs happiness in his life if he is raised by a toxic person. :(

thats all, ily saint! take care of yourself!

Anonymous said

I have a theory

So if I read correctly (it’s 4am my brain is shutting down slowly) sera was looking for something to expose MC in public so she can face the public’s criticism.

If that’s true does she realise what effect this will have in her and Gojo? She’s so desperate to “eliminate” MC and while she looks down at her and tries to take her place by any means she doesn’t realise how everything will affect her.

If Sera exposes her affair with Gojo she doesn’t really realise that she and Gojo will be the ones facing negativity and not MC. Sure there will be people who will say that MC did something wrong to lead Gojo to cheat like that but usually in the public’s eyes it’s the mistress and the husband who are to blame.

Infidelity also is a very strong sign not to trust someone. And in business world trust is necessary for companies. Gojo’s dad obviously dislikes Satoru and he just need an excuse to kick him out of the company. So boom here comes sera and the affair here’s Gojo sr’s reason. And suddenly Satoru is disowned and is left with no job no money and a huge trauma. Does sera really think she will be able to climb in a higher status by “overthrowing” MC and taking her place, acting like the affair never existed. So basically her “revenge” on MC will be her downfall and she doesn’t seem to realise it..

I swear if someone from inside the Gojo household or Gojo’s mom or Sera or even an employee it will trigger so much events and suddenly the whole Gojo family will be exposed.

Satoru’s physical abuse

Yuuta’s emotional abuse

Eula’s true colours and actions

Gojo sr actions

It can be the end for the whole Gojo group.

I’m so excited to see how things will turn out..

Also does Sera actually think that she still has a chance with Satoru and that he still loves her or she’s just desperate to stay with him for her own reasons or she just doesn’t want to face reality?

@craftyfawns said

I thought sera was just a mild misogynistic pick me girl at first who shits on yn by being like ‘I’m unique~~~ Because I’m poor I’m not like other rich girls *cough yn cough*~~ but no, she’s just a straight up woman hater. Like she hates women. Compare what she thinks of naoya and toji to what she thinks of meredith (??) mai, and obvs yn, she just hates women.

Sera would be the kind of girl who would be like ‘i don’t believe in feminism bc i think we should believe in equalism’ and then proceed to never let gojo let his feelings out near her bc she’s also a believer of toxic masculinity 😐 i hate her

Anonymous said

BESTIEEEEE THAT CHAPTERRRRR🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Yuuta better snitch 🥲 I want justice for nana he I know he has those Oscar nominated acting skills from the manga 🤣🤣🤣 also one question my dear Saint, Does Gojo’s dad even love him? Because it looks to me like he just sees him as a tool and abuses him plus he’s always gushing about Yuuta. Like would he even care if his son was hurt seriously or something? And my new enemy is his bitch of a wife like I swear Yuuta you better snitch😩😩 you witnessed a killing and you know who did it please sing like a canary my love. You better sing soon or they’re going to say that you were a accomplice😩😩😩 then Gojo’s dad is really gonna be mad.

Anonymous said

Hi i just wanted to drop by and share a few thoughts. I’ve read a lot of different fanfiction by many different creators. But you are definitely among the few that have actually stood out! Your language and general way of writing is amazing! As much as I appreciate the way you describe characters and their growth/emotions I am love with the way you set a scene/world. I could write an essay honestly but I’ll spare you😋

All in all I am a fan!!!!

thesupernotsosecretblog said

i feel like sera will manipulate gojo into thinking it's mcs fault for nanas death bc she announced the divorce or lie about mc having an affair w toji😕 she'll probably say something like she did in bora bora when they found out about the birth control :/ and then gojo being in an emotional state will believe her and reveal the truth about the merger and say that everything he told her in this chapter was a lie😕 and maybe this all happens at nanas funeral and she has an angina attack but she gets called an attention seeker by sera/gojo so the zenins help her and toji tells gojo to stay away from mc

Anonymous said

And suddenly I forgot how to talk/ type

This chapter i swear I cried

Imma start with Satoru and I’ll be completely honest. I HATED him. Like I wanted him to suffer but reading the last two chapters and his trauma I actually feel bad for him. He’s so devastated I can’t even think about him-

I was so worried about Y/N in this character. Things got so emotional that i was almost sure that she would have an “angina attack”

Sera. I wanna slap her so bad. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GIRL. Also did sera really not understand that Satoru is done with her and their relationship? But anyway I’m stopping here because there is much more important stuff than a bratty woman who can’t face reality.

Another person who deserves to be punched: Gojo sr. He PUBLICLY beat up his son he’s like a child who can’t control his emotions. Hope he gets his Karma eventually 👀👀

Yuuta my poor bby is so confused I feel bad for him

Mai meeting sera. The queen gave her what she deserves. 0 attention

Toji being caring friend melts my heart but after one of your asks I’m scared to trust him anymore. Still team Toji though😂😂

Naoya I can’t with this man. Honestly what is he doing…

And the worse for last. EULA WHAT THE

Like she calls others monsters but she legit KILLED someone innocent. SHE DESERVES THE WORSE KARMA. Hope something triggers an investigation for Nana.

R E S T. I N. P E A C E. N A N A.

Anonymous said

ngl i havent liked satoru one bit in the sn, hes just been a massive dick but god do i feel sorry for him. his mother left him,, his dad started abusing him, his stepmom is a vile goldigging women and the only person who he could rely on was nana but she got killed by his fucking stepmom. i definitely think that the way he turned out is because of his family. Say his mother took him with her or she stayed then i dont think he would have ended up so traumatised.

also i’m to see whether yuuta tells them about his mothers deeds, i sure do hope he does and i would also want to see how gojo and y/n react to it.

@sachiochan said

oh man waking up this early only to read this is like... waking up to a news broadcast 😭😭 oh man where do we start, eula killing her mother in law, y/n maybe changing her mind, or dadjo physical abusive nature?? perhaps we start with the beginning, dude I thought out of an accident, like at the Gojo's house everyone gathered + y/n, they were discussing the divorce proceedings and then begging y/n to change her mind then dadjo starts physically abusing Satoru afterwards like Nana steps in but Dadjo whacks her by accident then he kept seeing red and accidentally killed her. Man by far this exceeded my expectations, I am so fuckin glad that now we have something to get Eula with like bitch is gonna get her fucking retribution and karma hoho but rest in peace Nana 😭 I think theres a high chance y/n will change her mind after what she saw like, dadjo abusing satoru, nobody helping him and stuff and she will change her mind secretly and noboy knows, then Satoru's mum and her will take care of him and bring him to recovery slowly but then again, I think all that news at night is bound to traumatise him to the point it shatters him and he just becomes an empty shell temporarily, before and after Nana's wedding for a indefinite amount of time. I think Dadjo wasnt raised with love tbh thats why hes like that but no point discussing a loser like that 😒 like he may has his own pains but like, thats no reason for u to physically abuse ur 1st son bitch. good chapter, i really loved it with y/n and gojo's "try to make up but fail" stuff and well, this isnt a disappointing chapter, just a very sad one ❤️

Anonymous said

hey saint! it was an amazing chapter, as always! i can't believe you were saying that this chapter would have the worst writing when it's a masterpiece!

the whole plot is getting more and more intense and tbh what happened here is even more interesting than satoru and yn's romance😭😭 i felt like i was watching a movie and i think it's one of the things that got me addicted to sn. only having romance can get pretty boring (even tho i could never be bored with the way you write your stories)

i don't even know where to start but EULA PRISON ARC WHEEEEEEEN

i think yuuta is too sweet to keep what he saw to himself. he's not like his mother and (i think you said that?) he even judges her for the awful things she does

also sera leveling up in the clown game HAHAHAHAHA the funerals are gonna be wayyyyy too interesting and im ready to see her getting put in her place by gen, satoru, yn AND literally everyone there (naoya>>>>>>>)

i feel like the next chapter is gonna be the last one with A LOT of drama before we can move on to the end

once again, thank you for always giving us the best

don't forget to take care of yourself♡

Anonymous said

GIRL I WAS LEGIT CRYING THE WHOLE CHAPTER. THE. WHOLE. CHAPTER. OK SOOOO (TW : SERA & EULA) THAT BITCH SERA OMG I SWEAR SHE BETTER NOT DO ANY MORE DAMAGE. SHE'S DONE ENOUGH. SHE NEEDS TO STAY FAAARRR AWAY FROM GOJO & Y/N ISTG I WILL TRANSPORT TO THE STORY AND END HER MYSELF. EULA GIRL I–. I REALLY YUUTA SNITCHES ON HER. THATS ALL IM SAYING. Ok but back to the main pair, I hope gojo & y/n start healing tbh. I know it's bound to get even more angsty, and you can take your time with that since it's ur story, but I do wish them the best. I was in so much pain for the two of them this chapter omg. As always, please, please, please take all the time you need to rest. It's not healthy if you keep pushing yourself just to catch up to a deadline. Please ALWAYS put your health first before anything. Amazingly chapter as always saint! <33

Anonymous said

so i couldn't send this after chapter thirteen was published but i was listening to tolerate it by taylor swift and it reminded me so much of gojoy/n. mainly the bridge and the chorus that says:

"you assume i'm fine / but what would you do if i, i / break free and leave us in ruins / took this dagger in me and removed it / gain the weight of you then lose it / believe me, i could do it / if it's all in my head tell me now / tell me i've got it wrong somehow / i know my love should be celebrated / but you tolerate it"

i feel like this is exactly what's happening. she is breaking free of that marriage and trying to be happy and healthy. the "gain the weight of you then lose it" reminds me of gojo tbh. like he realizing she understands him, his trauma and his pain but she is leaving him and that is destroying him.

anyway, love the story. you are an amazing writer. hope you are feeling better, please take care of yourself. <3

hiiiii you guys thank u for sending these through i’m always having lots of fun reading through them <33 🥺🥺

#saintobio.asks #series: sincerely not

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qqueenofhades · 3 years

Note

so…now that we all know what you DISLIKE about star wars (and 400% fairly so, you have my full support here)…

what drew you into the universe, what keeps you around?

favorite characters, ships (OTPs or actual spaceships lol), overall themes, do you have a favorite random weird creature or robot that you adore? whatever you wanna talk about!

go off honey (again, but supportively 💖💖💖)

tax paid: the very nerdy star wars punk vest i made and the even nerdier matching vest i made for starsky

Lmaooo, entirely valid. You were like "star wars?" and I was like the drunk person at the bar who can't stop shouting about how much their ex sucks. But now that I have gotten all that off my chest, let's talk about why I love it (since if I didn't love it, I wouldn't have such strong opinions). Basically my feelings on the OG SW trilogy are similar to my feelings on the OG LOTR trilogy, as that tumblr post floating around somewhere put it: sure, they have flaws, but also, they're perfect. I have a complicated relationship with the prequels, as do we all, since George Lucas cannot write dialogue or direct actors to save his life (stick to what you're good at, George, hire other people to do the rest), but even they have their moments. Like. Hit me with that "Across the Stars" love theme, John Williams. Gahh. Just like that.

Because... Star Wars wasn't actually this omnipresent corporate global entertainment monolith when it started out. It was a dorky low-budget indie sci-fi film in the 1970s which everyone thought was going to bomb. But it told a simple and compelling story in an interesting way, everyone agrees that ESB is one of the best films/sequels ever made, and then ROTJ gave it a happy ending while it was still okay to do that. My main thematic gripe with the Disney trilogy (I will try to keep those to a minimum, lol, but I have to bring it up to compare) is that it very clearly fell into the "actual happy endings are naive and unrealistic and a cynical postmodern audience won't accept anything less than things being Bad" trap that, yet again, we have GOT to thank for. It obviously existed to some degree before that, but GOT blew it up to huge levels, where the only valid situation or character is that which is Grimdark and Depressing. Which, in my view, misses the heart and soul of what SW is all about??

Like. ESB is genuinely dark. ANH was this fun plucky little sci-fi film where the scrappy good guys won the day against the Nazi stand-ins, as they were supposed to, and then ESB comes along (speaking of John Williams, let us all chant together, DUH DUH DUH DUHDUHDUH DUHDUHDUH, DUH DUH DUH DUHHHH DUHHH DUHHH DUHHHH) and things go... wrong. Leia and Han are on the run for most of the movie, then get captured and tortured by the Empire and and betrayed (however unwillingly) by Lando. The Rebellion is attacked on Hoth (I tell you, those fuckin AT-AT walkers were SCARY when you see it as a young kid for the first time), and forced into hiding. Luke loses his hand, doubts Obi-Wan and Yoda and realizes that his mentors are fallible, makes dumb mistakes, and of course gets hit with The Most Famous Line In Movie History. But it's also just adrenaline and excitement. THE ASTEROID FIELD! THE HAN-LEIA BANTER! THE FIRST LUKE-VADER DUEL! THE FACT THAT YOU HEAR TWO FRICKING NOTES OF THE IMPERIAL MARCH AND YOU'RE JUST LIKE OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAHHHH!

But also then... Return of the Jedi. It gets shat upon for the Ewoks and reusing the Death Star as the Big Bad and being supposedly cheesy and not as Thematically Dark as ESB. Which is all kinda silly, in my opinion, but also, can we talk about Luke Skywalker's character arc and how he chooses possibly the most radical compassion ever demonstrated by a hero in an action movie, let alone a space opera. He insists that Anakin Skywalker is still in there somewhere and puts his own neck on the line to prove it. Luke doesn't save the galaxy by being a Badass Jedi. He saves it by throwing away his lightsaber and saying "I will not fight you, Father." He saves it by trusting that even in the depths of darkness, Anakin can come back from the charred ruins of Darth Vader and finally do what he was supposed to do all along. He can end Palpatine for good and all (we don't talk about "Somehow Palpatine has returned" because it's nonsense, obviously). Anakin can avenge the Jedi and what was done to him and all the lies he believed and the pain he wreaked on the galaxy, even then. It's not too late. It's not too late. Like. I don't care if this is Lightweight or Childish or whatever. It makes me CRY every time I watch it. Especially the moment where Luke takes off Anakin’s helmet and sees how ruined he actually is under there, and yet the downfall and death of the trilogy’s chief villain is not triumphant at all but instead utterly heartbreaking. “You were right about me Luke... tell your sister... you were right.”

Excuse me, I need to just /CRIES INTENSELY/

Luke won't be tempted to the dark side for his own sake, but Leia's ("If you will not join me, then perhaps she will"). I likewise hold firmly that Anakin/Vader is one of the best movie villains/antiheroes of all time and likewise have many feelings and Strong Opinions about his arc, prequel writing clumsiness and eye-rollingly tepid love story aside. (See: he and Obi-Wan were deeply in love and in a way they still are, don't @ me. I have no problems with Padme and obviously stan Natalie Portman at all times, but Anakin and Obi-Wan’s relationship is the real love story, the heart of the prequels, and in some ways even the subsequent movies, the end.) And “so this is how democracy dies, with thunderous applause” is... raw af as a line. For being in a Star Wars prequel movie. What?? (Also, the Revenge of the Sith novelization had no business being as good as it was. If only that dude had also written the movie.)

Anyway, my point is: the OG trilogy had plenty of moments of staggering emotional weight and where things genuinely sucked for the good guys and the outcome wasn’t entirely clear. The difference is that it didn’t choose to dwell on them, and it allowed for a transformative fictional space where a happy ending, fiercely fought for and squarely earned, was the right outcome. We didn’t need to go back thirty years later and make everything suck for fear that a cynical modern audience couldn’t connect with it otherwise. (Like I said, we didn’t need the new movies at all, but Disney heard that Cha-Ching of the Almighty Dollar). Star Wars was sci-fi, sure, but it also had the fantasy elements that allowed a happy ending to be the right choice for what we saw the characters go through and the philosophy that carried us through the original trilogy.

Likewise it’s just... Peak as far as dynamics go. C-3PO the fussy metal butler who worries about Everything and R2-D2 who is the droid embodiment of YOLO? Flawless. Sassy scruffy space pirate and badass politician warrior princess bicker constantly, butt heads, drive each other crazy, and then fall in love? Iconic. (And has shaped my ship tastes for... all of eternity, oops.) The above-discussed transformation of Luke Skywalker, whiny ordinary teenage kid, to the truly great man who fulfills what Obi-Wan, Yoda, AND the rest of the entire Jedi order couldn’t manage to do, because of their own flaws and blind spots and black-and-white moral views that didn’t know what to do with a man who loved as passionately as Anakin Skywalker, for better or for worse? The guy who managed to save the galaxy with love? STAN.

So... what? The Disney trilogy decides to retcon all that, throw everything that they’ve fought for out the window, make Han, Leia, and Luke miserable and rejecting the roles they grew into in the original trilogy, and die without ever really reuniting or seeing each other again as a trio? The underlying message was that “these happy endings aren’t satisfactory/realistic/sophisticated enough” and idk, maybe it’s just the shitshow of the last few years, but I’d like to see some entertainment that had the cojones to tell me that despite all the darkness and despair, maybe there’s a chance for hope. (”Rebellions are built on hope,” thank you Only Valid New Star Wars Movie Rogue One.) And Rogue One worked so well, despite being utterly GUTTING as all the heroes died one by one, because we knew what was coming next (A New Hope) and that their sacrifice was going to be worth it. I don’t care if that’s “realistic” or not. As I’ve said before, that’s what stories are for, and if I only wanted things that were Real Life, I would only read the news. Besides, the idea that happy endings never happen in reality is equally bullshit. We as a culture need to accept that more, instead of finding reasons to tear everything down.

So just... yes. The original trilogy might have flaws, but also, it’s perfect. And do I want to rewatch it all now? Kinda.

(Anyway. I warned you this was gonna be long. Oh look, it’s long, and I’m sure there is even more I could say, but still. Ahem.)

sleepover weekend asks

#buffaluff #ask #star wars #long post

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honeybeekao · 2 years

Note

the moment i saw you said you liked talking about theatre my first thought was "ask dino to talk about theatre" so

talk about it!!! i wanna hear <3 i know basically nothing but pls. talk about something you love!!!!

hmnjdhjdhd WAAA youre so sweet

okay OKAY so i was in 4 musicals (+1 in middle school but that one barely counts.. i miss it tho) and they were All so fucking cool ! i really wanted to be an actor for like 4 years that was my passion for awhiiile

i got to be in ensemble for newsies and oh my GOD newsies is like the best musical ever i adore it. broadway musical i could watch over and over and over the music gets stuck in my head easily AND OKAY SO. my gender was rlly difficult for me freshman year, but being able to dress up as a boy for that show felt really validating. and just the way the script Is... accidental gender affirmation everytime us as a group got refered to as boys despite the all gender cast. this was also during my "i wear flannels for gender euphoria" moment of my life so my newsies outfit was just...clothes i already wore plus a vest and hat HDKDGDKD

then we did into the woods and.... my god. okay so i dont think i ever got all the lyrics right for the amount of songs with the same melody but Different words... but thats okay. i got to play one of cinderella's stepsisters THE FUCKING DRESS FOR THAT SHOW WAS SO PRETTY only time ive gotten to wear a real princess dress <33 HORRIBLE TO DANCE IN THOUGH. i almost tripped and fell every show (which wouldve been funny i was evil sooo i mean. i shouldve)

then. then we did les miserables and . that musical is hell to work on it's a fucking opera and it's So emotionally taxing but SO good. like i had the time of my life but i barely slept. best show ever best show ever. i played gavroche (an 8 year old boy who just lives on his own.... and joins the revolution) and i successfully made people cry! i really really hope my mom can find the camcorder her bf used to record the whole show because.. i think i'd cry if i got to watch it as audience. the music is terrifying to learn i sung in soprano (for reference on how difficult it is, check the song one day more. the chorus sections are insane)

i also tripped in the audience during a full solo and my ONLY concern at the time was "please let my mic not be broken Please let my mic not be broken." i cried backstage for like 5 minutes after bc of the adrenaline. THEN I HAD TO GO ONSTAGE AGAIN ALONE so i couldnt cry long GDKSHDJ

les mis is like my best life experience that show means everything to me i miss it so much..it went by too fast

the last show i was in was called urinetown (sounds weird but it's a satirical comedy about how capitalism will kill off all of humanity it's fun) and the dancing for it was the most difficult thing ive ever had to learn!

the music is also like. Yikes i was struggling probably just as much as les mis because i switched to alto (i attempted soprano for it but it Hurt me. so i switched. and harmonies are a pain but i got em eventually) i had more lines in this show than les mis but i didnt really care much for my character?? it was similar to newsies except i had some one off lines because comedies with a group of characters are like that. gfjdhdj THE DANCING. we had 2 choreographers helping us, and i hated it so much <3 i hate learning choreo in dimly lit rooms because i Cant see anything. i needed to take videos and learn on my own and had like 1 friend who could kinda help but it was still like aushajha Why

WE DIDNT GET TO PERFORM THAT SHOW. our opening night was march 13th 2020 so . we just had to fucking mourn everything. but i mean the experience was still great and theatre was my escape. idk what i would've done without it, the theatre kept me focused on things i enjoyed and meant i wasnt just wallowing

tysm for asking i love theatre and musicals and i think everyone should watch newsies

#theatre was like the One thing that kept me grounded for 2 years #i appreciate its existence #leo 😼

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dreamteamspace · 4 years

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So this stream I got a bit confused with what was going on with the whole spiel with schlatt and dream, and I dont actually think theres a traitor. However if there was one why not niki ya know? I mean, he kept saying how it would be way more unexpected than eret in the independance war, and literally everyone so far has been thought of as a potential traitor to pogtopia,, except well,, why not niki? She also had this letter to her "dear friend" that sounded like a new turn for her character and idk man why not?

Alright I’m a very texting type of person and you’ve got my started on my hyperfixation here we go-

My thoughts on the whole situation and why I think Fundy is the traitor:

I think from Dream’s perspective: Everything makes sense. I’m HIGHLY certain that Schlatt’s deal, which Dream said is “Something Wilbur and Tommy would never give him”, was that L’Manburg will either cease to exist (become part of the Dream SMP, and we know neither Wilbur not Tommy would ever do that), or that Dream would essentially become leader of it.

That’s why, in this flip situation, if he wins, he wins all of it. This also makes sense, as Dream is 100% alright with Wilbur just blowing it up, too: Because essentially he achieves the very same thing: L’Maburg/Manburg is no more.

Dream is absolutely right that he was never on their side or really on anybody’s side. Dream is his own side. It’s his server. He IS the Dream SMP, in that sense, just like Tommy is the spearhead of the rebellion right now.

I’m also fairly certain Dream will pull a lot more people than they think into this, and I think they ALSO know, in a meta-way, that they won’t be fighting only Schlatt and Dream and one traitor. He’s just letting them wallow in their security, although I have to say he LOVES dipping in his dramatic implications about what he’s doing or will do. In this case, he might’ve managed to keep quiet to let them think they’re safe.

So for Dream: Either they win, and L’Manburg is his/no more, or Wilbur sees they start losing, and L’Manburg is also no more. Honestly? He just has to make Wilbur panic hard enough to hit that button... and then he wins. It would be bad if he loses, though, so I do think he’ll pull together for this. He’s very competitive.

(Lot more juicy theory as to who the traitor is under the cut)

I predict that a good portion of BadboyHalo, Georgenotfound, Sapnap, Punz, potentially also people like Thunder or Alyssa?, are going to join Dream’s side. Sam seems close to the rebellion, but he’s also friends with George and Sapnap, but I just can’t see those two seriously fighting against Dream. If the stakes really are high, they’ll flip over to him, although I also can’t see them convincing Sam.

Most likely, George and Sapnap are just going to stay out of it entirely, and let Sam fight on the side of the rebellion. Maybe the current pet war might change that, though, say if Sapnap develops a new hatred against Tommy or even Sam? (I dont know what the pet war’s at atm but didn’t Sapnap and Sam fight over pets?), he would join in on Dream’s side. George? I have no idea. Most likely he just won’t be there. He doesn’t want to go against Sam (Who provides him with like. Everything), but he also doesn’t wanna fight Dream. IF he fights, though, I’m tempted to say he’d be on Dream’s side, but I’m honestly not up to date enough on his streams to say for certain.

As for the traitor: I actually haven’t seen Niki’s letter (to my great regret, I saw the news float around though), since I’m very focused on watching Tommy and Wilbur’s POVs. Honestly, if it’s Niki? That would be MASSIVELY surprising, and the biggest brain move I’ve ever seen. It’s possible, but I honestly don’t think it’s likely.

They’ve kept their characters fairly consistent, and while this IS kindof meta to say, I don’t think (with how things are atm), that Niki would betray L’Manburg, UNLESS she’s doing a double-agent thing and plans on tricking Dream in the end. That I could potentially see happening.

But knowing that she changed the anthem from Wilbur’s posessive “My L’Manburg” to just “L’Manburg”, that she’s been loyal even when they kinda half left her alone with Schlatt to tax her, and even during the pet wars she never strikes blood, but rather takes hostages and wants a sincere apology... I don’t see it right now. Then again, I don’t watch Niki’s streams on the SMP, so I could be wrong, as I’m not quite familiar with the intricacies of her character on the SMP besides the surface level.

On on hand... I also doubt whether there is a traitor at all, and Dream is just hoping to drive them apart and make sure they don’t get things done as efficiently as they could, because they’re busy pointing fingers at eachother, suspecting eachother, potentially even throwing somebody out once the tension between them snaps.

He needs to win this fight. If he does, he gets EVERYTHING. What they think of him after that point doesn’t matter, so the lie doesn’t matter. They can laugh at him afterwards, but he’ll still have won. I don’t know how many actually highly important details Dream would drop into conversation like that.

Consider, he does have a traitor. Why would he tell them he has one there? Why tell them that they’ll never guess? It just sows chaos in their group, and that’s what he wants. If he DID have one, he might just not say anything.

On the other hand: He might just be dramatic like that honestly. We all know they’re meta-fighting for the next spot in a sad-ist animatic, so Dream could very well be taking a more active role to insert himself into the story and cause some drama. Even if he DOES have a traitor on the inside, saying it still sows chaos. It’s a little risky, but if it really is something they won’t guess, then the chance that they’ll suspect the wrong person might be high enough, and make it worth it.

If he DOES actually have a traitor, my top sus are honestly Fundy, Tubbo, and maybe Ponk. I’m very sure it’s NOT Wilbur, Tommy, Sam, or Quackity.

Ponk doesn’t seem like the type of person to be reliable enough. He’s just kinda in it for the ride, and he’s too quiet to set a focus on. I don’t think Dream even considered him on the side of the rebellion for certain until today. It is, however, still possible. Tommy seems to trust him, and he’s not in deep enough for them to intently interrogate him on his loyalty, cause they know he’s more laid back when it comes to that. He feels only half in the rp to begin with, just wanting to fuck around with everyone. And then, BOOM, he’s actually been playing a massive role this whole time. It’s a little bit of a safe target, too, albeit a little underwhelming.

Tubbo... listen. We all love Tubbo. Tommy loves Tubbo, and we know Tubbo cares greatly for Tommy. Tubbo also seems(?) to care for L’Manburg. But I just....

It’s Tubbo, man. I have no idea. He seemed SO close to ACTUALLY flipping over to Schlatt before the festival. Everyone keeps pushing him around like this innocent tiny kid when he has the biggest third eye out of everyone and is the only one actually doing any work.

Tubbo has stated before that his official motivation is that he just wants peace for everyone. He just doesn’t want to fight and wants to do fun stuff. So of course he sounds horrified at the prospect of having to hunt down Tommy after Tommy was exiled, but happily went along with the festival. He was excited to do his speech. Schlatt actually placed responsability on them for once. He truly did seem happy about that.

It doesn’t matter as much to Tubbo who’s who. What matters is that the fighting preferrably stops, and they all just have a good time. Dream gave the line “I’m very convincing”, so I think he did actually have to convince the traitor, if there is one, to join his side. It wasn’t automatic.

Technically speaking, if L’Manburg is no more, and they’re all part of the Dream SMP again, doesn’t the fighting stop? If there’s no nation to fight over, then there’s no reason to fight. If L’Manburg is no more, then Schlatt has 0 power, and if Dream takes over, he could’ve promised to un-exile Tommy and Wilbur. And then they’re all part of the Dream SMP! No more fighting! Everyone’s on the same side!

Tubbo seems to care less for nations or sides, and much more for people, and for the people around them to be happy. His switch to enthusiasm at Schlatt’s festival came quickly, because many of the people he cared about still partook in it, and he never did hurt Tommy, because he does care about him.

But Tubbo DID say the line “may the festival begin” after his speech, and they knew what that would start. So why? In a way, I think Tubbo waged his options. Who does he care about more? Tommy, to his knowledge, is on Wilbur’s side. He might’ve decided in a moment of uncertainty that Wilbur and Tommy’s opinions of him are more important to them than the opinions of the other people there. Mostly Tommy, because we know those two would die for eachother. They chose Tommy over everyone else at that festival, potentially even over their own motivations, over their own gut.

Fundy, in fact, has MANY reasons to be the traitor, but isn’t quite obvious in that sense. They thought he was a traitor, actually, but once he showed them his diary, he essentially convinced all of them very certainly that he’s not the traitor, and they believed him. Dream joined the call later, so it’s possible he heard that part or Fundy told him about it (They’ve all been known to listen in on convos sometimes to know whats going in. They have to in order to build a good story line.)

Fundy has all the reasons. Reason number one, to me, is Fundywastaken. It’s canon in the Dream SMP lore, they just surprisingly haven’t done anything with it. During the independance war, that wasn’t a thing yet, and since they ARE a thing in canon now... they’ve never actually fought eachother. In fact, as things are now? We’re EXPECTING to see Dream fight his canon fiancé. Fundy officially joined the fight when Tommy asked him, confirming that they can count on him and that he will fight. We know for certain that Dream will fight.

If Fundy isn’t the traitor and doesn’t become one, then Dream and Fundy are inevitably meeting in battle on the 16th.

Consider his storyline: We’ve all been highly expecting Fundy to either punch Wilbur in the face or at LEAST be dissapointed in him or SOMETHING. He hasn’t, as far as I’m aware. He’s just standing there near him, very very quietly, giving a firm but quiet “yes” when Tommy asked him if they could count on him.

Fundy hasn’t expressed much to Wilbur at all, despite heving been left alone with Schlatt by him, despite how much he deserves to be angry at him for being patronized and not trusted with anything.

And, y’know... He’s officially Dream’s fiancé. The others don’t seem to know yet, and I don’t know how many people do know or not. It’s possible they just don’t know, and of course Dream wouldn’t tell them anything, not even tell anyone, this close before a fight. Dream might not even tell his close allies out of fear that the information could spread or that they could turn on him.

So honestly... Fundy seems the most likely for me to be the traitor, especially because there’s been plenty of foreshadowing for it, there’s a good setup, he has good reasons, and it wouldn’t seem like a cheap plottwist, but rather a gradual change.

Not to mention that meta-wise, Fundy has been actively involved in the rp and been dropping some pretty good lines himself. This isn’t something that Dream would have some non-rping person do.

I’m also kindof sure it’s not Technoblade, because Dream laughed it off and half-indicated that it is (Tommy: “I bet it’s Technoblade” Dream, cracking up: “I didn’t say that, you said that”), because he profits from doing so. He profits from them thinking Technoblade is the traitor. And also I really, really don’t think Techno would team up with Dream in this rp. Then again, Dream recently proclaimed to be on the side of chaos.... so who truly knows? I’ll definitly be surprised if it’s Techno, but I suppose it is a possibility. I just don’t think Techno can be convinced to much of anything, unless of course all it took was saying “Hey it’s Schlatt and Me against like 6 people so if we want an actual fight for once-” “Finally some bloodshed and war. I’m in”. I mean, I doubt it, but I’m leaving the possibility open.

TLDR: Dream wins if he wins the fight OR if Wilbur blows everything up. The traitor is likely either Fundy, Ponk or Tubbo, and I think there will be more people fighting on Dream’s side than just Schlatt and one traitor.

#mcyt #dream smp #mcytblr #dreamwastaken #itsfundy #fundywastaken #fwt #tubbo #nihachu #wilbur soot #dreamteamspace speaks

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timextoxhajima · 4 years

Audio

Playlist Feels: SHORT SERIES PART 4

PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3

Member: Lee Juyeon

Genre: angst and smut i promise (how can i not write smut with this gif right)

A/N: idk if you guys read my A/Ns... but look for the ** in this chapter, and play the bonus track i’ve linked. i apologise in advance if it hurts... it’s going to be a long chapter, so sit back and relax

Taglist: @muvtharecca

“you always try to hide the pain”

kevin is sitting opposite you in a 24-hour convenient store, the scent of kimchi flavoured instant noodles wafting through the air. the snow outside was only making this hot, late-night supper even more endearing as if it wasn't already on its own.

the chopsticks snap away from each other with bare minimum energy while you pull off the flap and greet the cloud of hot vapour.

the day concluded with kevin and the interviewer thanking juyeon, and they must've known something was wrong because you shook his hand without a word.

they've never seen you try so hard to force out a smile.

"go ahead and eat, kev," you jam your chopsticks into the nicely cooked noodles, shaking the strands apart. "do you need an invitation?"

kevin is accustomed to your work ethics; he knows you don't like to talk about work outside the studio or the office building.

so he deems it valid to ask when he decides that there was something more than "work" between you and the guest they had today.

"so, lee juyeon," kevin mirrors your movements, watching you in some corner of his eyes. "he's an ex-boyfriend?"

the food masks your need to throw something at kevin, and frankly, you weren't really in the mood to go against your kind-hearted colleague. not just that, you were spent from the day.

the vast amounts of strength you had to summon from the witch scratching your insides out was enough to drain you. it feels like you had to entertain more than a guest today, when you only had one.

any other day and it would've been an easy day.

but not when it is lee juyeon. not when he has his lips on yours in your studio. not when you still love him.

"you can talk to me if you need to, y/n. it sucks to see you like this, and we've been colleagues for two years."

the hot noodles leave a scalding sensation on your lips when you slurp it up, but instead, a sourness wraps itself around the nerves in your nose.

"for context, if our boss was in the studio, he would not have condoned your behaviour. you know that," leaning forward, kevin tries to meet your eyes.

"but he wasn't, so case closed."

he sighs, shaking his head gently as he takes his first mouth of instant noodles.

it is a few minutes of silence that brings you peace. every now and then, one of you slurps and kevin's lips began to pink with the heat and spicyness of the food.

yet, when kevin breaks the silence to return to the topic, it is both a relief from the tension and an added stress to the fact that you have no clue how to run anymore.

"i know he followed you into the storage room, did he do anything to you inside? are you alright?"

"i'm fine."

silence.

you look up through your lashes and see that kevin is slurping a lone strand of noodles extremely slowly, squinting his eyes at you and shaking his head.

"i think you should know you can't lie for whack."

a scoff runs your warm throat dry, and you shove another good mouth through your lips.

"i know he was talking about you in the interview, y/n. why are you denying a bad break up? most couples go through this. so what if he lost you to another man? he said he wasn't prioritising you over his work.”

kevin knows you are trying to avoid the topic and you weren’t one to be aggressive with him.

he chooses to pry.

“from what i got from the interview, it sounds like he was the one in the wrong.”

sure, he started it.

but you were the one who slept with someone else.

“any normal girlfriend would’ve been upset, and of course if there was another, better guy in the picture, i wouldn’t have blamed her for moving on. i wouldn’t blame you.”

but you didn’t move on, did you?

“i highly doubt any of that was your fault--”

your attention pulls to kevin from the bowl and lock eyes with him.

“i slept with someone else, kev.”

the silence is deafening, only the jingle from the entrance of the store interrupting the still air between the two of you.

“...while you were with--”

“yeah,” your eyes gravitate back downwards, and a frown gets cemented into your forehead.

the food no longer looks edible; it looks more like a bunch of dead worms floating in a pool of blood.

you hear kevin suck a deep breath through his nostrils as you push the bowl away, your appetite shrinking by the second and then it disappears completely like dust in the wind.

“is it...” someone pays for a cup of coffee and leaves the store. “...safe to say that the two of you were already estranged when you did it?”

estranged.

more like non-existent.

“it felt like we broke up and i didn’t know about it. i don’t know how great of an analogy or explanation that is, but i know that it felt like that,” you pause, because it feels like you were going to hurl out half the portion of noodles you had. “we were on edge for like... months. four, five months. it’s like his phone got thrown out into the middle of the pacific ocean and he never bothered to get a new one or at least save my number and i just...”

you look up from the bowl because your eyes were welling and your lungs were beginning to collapse in on themselves. there was a look of pity and sympathy in kevin’s eyes.

his lips were pursed and brows slightly furrowed; he doesn’t know what to say and you don’t blame him.

“the other guy was just there for me in that time of... vulnerability. i just let myself fall for that temptation.”

your colleague is stunned, but never does he once look at you like it was your fault. it was extremely out of character for you to crash and break down in front of him, and you were sure he could tell you were putting in effort to keep yourself composed.

“sorry,” a tear falls without mercy, and you hurry to get rid of it, simply offering a weak laugh to hide your feelings.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to make you emotional.”

“it’s alright,” you shake your head and sit up straight, eyes looking to the fluorescent lights above and blinking away the layer of tears in your eyes. “saw this conversation coming anyway.”

kevin pushes out a tiny, bare smile by pursing his lips.

you let kevin continue with his food because you couldn’t eat anymore, and your attention gravitates back to the outside world where the snow was gently falling onto the pavements.

bright white lights reflected off the snow on the floor looking like crystals from afar, and you just can’t find enough strength to push the memory of juyeon out of your head.

the gush of wind that greets your face would’ve been refreshing had you not just been on the verge of crumbling infront of kevin.

he thanks the cashier behind you and follows you out onto the streets, pulling his beanie over his ears. he watches you close your eyes, snow falling into your lashes and your hair over the back of your coat.

“i know it’s not in my place to say much, but if it’s anything i learnt from being in a relationship, it’s that you need to face whatever haunts you.”

his words sink into your skin like a cold blanket of truth, because you know it’s right. the tip of your nose numbs with the cold weather when you open your eyes and look at kevin, his presence alone enough to comfort you.

there was probably no other person you’d be this comfortable talking to about the biggest mistake you made in your life.

“i know.”

he nods, and turns to the left, expecting you to follow because you stay just about a ten minute walk from him.

but when he notices that you don’t budge from the spot you were standing on, and two passerbys were visibly confused with your lack of movement, kevin returns to your side and gives you a pat on the head.

“call me if you need anything.”

like before, a nod shakes your head before you could process the movement, and kevin walks away, giving you one last look before he disappears around the corner of the building.

it is taxing to hit the button on the lift panel, watch the numbers on the display screen decrease number by second.

it is overwhelming when the doors open, and snow falls off your shoulders when you stroll in, finger hovering over the button.

“i didn’t know i needed her until i lost her, and i lost her to another man. it was the biggest mistake then, and it’ll probably be the biggest mistake i’ll ever make.”

your lungs fill itself with a deep breath, the cold air piercing through your pores and nerves as the button lights up with a displeasing shade of red light.

i’ll believe you this once, lee juyeon.

we both found a chance to slit each other’s throats open and we both did.

the gears of the lift doors grind open and a door along the corridor is wide open as someone walks in after pulling off his shoes.

you step out without much thought, that is, until that person’s head sticks out beyond the door frame and the striped shirt is glaringly familiar to you.

juyeon picks up his shoes and naturally, his eyes follow his line of movement.

the eye contact seizes you in your footsteps, and it freezes juyeon the same. his back was slightly bent over, very obviously surprised that you were standing in the hallways of his residence.

it takes him a few moments to process your face, your hands that were covered in gloves and the handbag you had dangling around your waist.

your hair, lashes and brows were sprinkled with bits of snow; your grip around the straps of your handbag tight with tension.

juyeon slowly resumes a proper standing position, each shoe hanging on each of his index and middle fingers as he blinks at you.

he doesn’t say a word and the lift doors close behind you, but his door doesn’t when he turns and disappears into his apartment.

just this once.

apologise, and you’re through.

he is not good for you and neither are you, for him.

his apartment is cozy; shoe rack, dining table on the right and a small kitchen beyond, living room. carpet, television, sofa, hallway to the private rooms.

you use your feet to get your boots off, carefully placing them by the shoe rack after dusting off the bits of snow from the wool outside the door.

the apartment smells like juyeon and it makes you sick to your stomach when it haunts you like a dream you never woke up from; when it rips you apart all over again after five years.

he walks into view from the hallway, arms crossed tightly across his chest and he looks at you like he was expecting something from you.

just say what you need to say and go.

you do not owe him anything.

“are you here to gawk at my apartment like it’s a showroom or are you here because you wanted to do something?”

fool.

it is surprisingly easy to contain the frustration now, because you were simply sick of it. there was no reason to remain annoyed with him, nor let him get to you all so easily when he was like this then; obviously he hasn’t changed that much.

“i...” the neurons in your head struggle to piece the sentence together. “i came to apologise.”

kevin’s words repeat in your brain like a broken record when you look away, for juyeon was staring at you with slightly widened eyes now. he doesn’t even try to hide his surprise or shock -- or maybe he just couldn’t.

you apologising was probably the last thing he expected, yet you were here on your own initiative, spitting out words that he never thought he would hear.

it requires a rather commendable amount of courage to look up back at juyeon again, his gaze tearing through you like a chainsaw through wood.

“we had our differences and problems back then but i know it broke you when you found me... with sangyeon.”

you pause, thinking that he’d say something to piss you off or aggravate the situation, but his temples are tightened because he is hiding his feelings; his pain.

“so... i’m sorry,” a pause. the muscles in your forehead contract and juyeon doesn’t move a single inch. “i don’t need you to apologise, because i don’t know what exactly happened... maybe something happened and i didn’t know but i know myself that i should not have slept with sangyeon, regardless the status of our relationship.”

at least say something, juyeon.

anything.

a car honks outside, the snow getting heavier and falling like feathers of doves being shot down from the sky. the city lights outside the window were flickering with the snow blocking your view of them, but the still atmosphere was holding you by the neck; the cold temperature a knife at your throat.

there was a kind of pain and trauma in his face that feels like paper cuts on your heart. you know very well he was playing that fateful day like a movie in his head, seeing you in bed with another man.

you would’ve stopped him right there and then, tell him not to think about it, but that’s what you were here to apologise for anyway.

gravity pulls your chin down to the ground with shame, your jaws clenching and your temples tightening under your beanie. the skin around your knuckles whiten with the amount of strength you were offering the straps of your handbag,

a soft shuffle snaps you out of your blank, yet panicking mind that glued its eyes to the floor, and you watch juyeon’s feet with his socks on enter your field of vision.

your lids squeeze shut, his voice rumbling through your nerves like an internal earthquake and you suddenly berate yourself for thinking this was a good idea.

“did you mean what you said today?”

his touch on your chin forces you out of your mental escape, your jaw being pulled upwards so you could meet his eyes.

i still love you, and i don’t want to break you again... so please don’t break me anymore.

it feels like all your motivation and confidence had drained into him through his finger under your chin, and if you weren’t already beating yourself up inside for saying that to him earlier today, you would’ve probably passed out.

the layer of glistening tears in his eyes feels like boiling poison in your stomach, because the realisation of his truth only hits you now.

but you don’t want to hear it.

the last time you were in love with him and he was in love with you, it was like pairing a matchstick with a wax candle: both eventually die out because of the other.

denial washes all over you like waves during a thunderstorm in the form of an abrupt, shake of your head, even under his touch. it ached more than you liked it to have to deny the truth in what you said today, but you cannot break juyeon again.

“no, i--” your chin shifts out of his hold and your eyes dart away from his face. “i didn’t mean it--”

but didn’t you?

juyeon has your jaw in his hands again, lips cushioned against yours.

it feels like a spear had been driven through your face when you taste his tears between your lips.

it tastes like toxins and rotten eggs and saltwater and it makes you want to hurl; not because you hated it but because you hated how much it was hurting him.

“juyeon,” your hands push him away but he grabs both your wrists, the seizure halting you in your movements.

“what are you so scared of?”

the question is like a dump of cold water on you, and you see nothing but remorse in his eyes.

“...breaking you... it hurts me to know that i can, and i don’t want to do it anymore. i did it once, i don’t want to do it again.”

your voice cracks under the pressure and a tear rolls down his cheek. the urge to reach up and wipe it off his face was so intense, your hands started to tremble in his grip.

“i meant what i said during the interview today. and if you meant what you said, then it means there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore.”

life has just shoved you off an edge, an edge that you were standing on after running away from juyeon.

only for you to fall off and into his arms again.

he shoves his lips between yours, almost violently, when he pulls you forward by your wrists.

he guides your arms around his shoulders and behind his neck, while his hands find your waist and rest on your lower back, keeping the length of your body close to his.

your hair under your beanie loosens when he pulls it off, and the next to go was your handbag that he slides off your shoulder and lays it somewhere on the ground.

don’t make me close one more door

it still doesn’t feel too far for no return, until he takes your hand and rests it on his cheek while he kisses you softly. his lips part and so do yours, instinctively, but he doesn’t force himself into your mouth.

i don’t want to hurt anymore

the warmth from his palm over yours on his cheek melts you like the snow outside, and before you knew it, he pulls away, looking to see if you were going to turn your back on him and run.

stay in my arms if you dare

yet, the want to run is no longer in control.

or must i imagine you there?

there was no need to say anything, because it was written all over his face and in his eyes.

he slots his lips between yours again like puzzle pieces, this time feeling much more whole, much less in pain, much more in love; in love again.

the supposedly dead doves on the street writhes to life as a familiar fire in your chest lights up again.

don’t walk away from me

both his hands cup your cheeks and your hands are gripping onto the material around his elbows when he starts walking you backwards.

i have nothing

a wall meets your back, sandwiching you between the cold concrete and the warmth that was emitting from the length of his body.

if i don’t have you

his scent fills your nostrils like flowers in a field and it is almost nauseating to have it so near to you. not only were you smelling it, you were tasting it, and having it in your grasp was extremely surreal.

you break the kiss first and look at the skin on his neck before finding the courage to look back up at him.

there is a mild frown on his forehead, his palms still holding your face so gently, it feels like you were cushioned in feathers.

“juyeon...”

the name rolls off your tongue like a song lost in time, and juyeon simply angles his head downwards to meet your lips again.

you must’ve been a fool to believe that five years was enough for you to forget about juyeon, not when you’ve spent nearly the same amount of time being his significant other.

either that, or you were just never meant to escape juyeon’s life, nor rid him from yours.

maybe now you understand why people do stupid things when they are in love, because they just don’t think it’s stupid. they do it because their heart propels them to do so; they do it because nobody can replace the feeling that this special someone can offer, that only this person can offer.

so when he has you cushioned cozily into the pillows of his bed and your coat and winter wear long gone somewhere, leaving you in just the first layer of clothes you have on, you realise what he’s trying to compensate.

you couldn’t tell if juyeon was just childishly bitter about the fact that you lost your virginity to another man, or that he was still in disbelief about how he treated you back then.

one thing was for certain though, he is showering you with kisses and caresses that you would’ve otherwise not expected from juyeon.

the whines and sighs pouring out between your lips sound like a soft lullaby and he was revelling in the fact that he should’ve given this to you sooner.

instinctively, your fingers find the rim of juyeon’s top and riles it up, running your skin over the warmth of his skin and smelling more of his cologne when the material brushes across your face as he removes it.

he looks down at you and his gaze causes goosebumps to erupt all over your body.

they are loving and desperate for love. they are warm and cold with the memory of how you ended. they are full of desire and hungry for validation.

it doesn’t take him long to attach his lips to yours again once he’s done admiring the features on your face; features that he had lost for so long, he was worried he might forget them.

as strange as it seemed, having him drag your clothes off you only to stop and stare at the shade of your skin makes you feel like you were truly exposed to him. it is alien and it makes you want to shrivel up under him, because he was not the person you slept with.

but before you could hide yourself away from him, he litters kisses all over your skin. your cleavage, your stomach. fingers brushing over the skin of your hips and thighs, encouraging your hand reaching down to look for his face.

when his cheek is brushed with your fingertips, he looks up through his lashes and it feels like this should’ve happened in place of sangyeon.

the memory of sangyeon providing you the love and affection you needed engulfs you in flames and your chin tilts to the ceiling, silently begging the heavens to provide you enough strength to keep your tears in.

juyeon, reading your body language, reaches to his nightstand and pulls out a black sash, something that looked like it belonged to his costume when you saw him at the club two weeks ago.

“hey,” he leans forward and gives you a peck on the lips. pulling you upwards, he wraps his arm around your waist as he sits down. the position confuses you for awhile, until he pulls you onto his lap and lets you sit on his thighs.

looking down at him while feeling the warmth of his legs under your rear is slightly unsettling; it has been way too long.

“me saying sorry won’t cut it,” he slides the sash into your hands and brings them up to his face. “so i’m letting you do whatever you want.”

you decide that lee juyeon has lost his mind when he guides your hands and ties the sash around his eyes.

a frown draws itself into your forehead before you realise he can’t see your expression.

your lips part in a bid to protest, to ask if he’s lost his fucking mind; but juyeon grabs your wrists and plants kisses into your palms.

your stomach is churning and your eyes are tearing up all over again when he starts trailing them down the inner side of your wrists and forearms. the intimacy of this entire ordeal draws a high on your consciousness, and you can’t help the sigh that escapes your lips when he pulls away.

if this is his way of earning validation, then you have no authority to keep him from being validated.

your palms press flat against his shoulders, gently pushing him backwards until he’s lying down on the mattress with your knees straddling the sides of his hips.

the scent that you remember wafting through your nose for so long, so long ago is strongest around his neck. fragile memory invites you to that very spot, dipping your nose into his skin and attaching your lips to the spot under where his jaw led up to his ear.

the heavy breathing from his inflated nostrils already sounds like frustration, and it begins to hurt in your chest that juyeon is punishing himself.

he’s letting you do it only because he thinks he doesn’t deserve it.

your fingers replace the spot where your lips were, and circles of innocent pain draws themselves into his skin.

his adam’s apple bobs up and down when he gulps, and you try to contemplate your next move.

it shouldn’t be this difficult.

it really shouldn’t.

not when he deserves to suffer for what he did.

but you were the one who slept with someone else.

frustration builds up inside you like a pressure flask, or a volcano for that matter.

juyeon and his affection were the only things you ever wanted.

punishing him would be as good as punishing yourself. even if it was valid, it was, unfortunately, driving a nail through your spine.

it hurt to let the realisation of his self-punishment sink in.

“juyeon,” you pull off the blindfold and shake your head at him. “i can’t.”

a muscle in his cheek twitches, and his bare chest heaving up and down under your palms allows you to feel his heartbeat.

what was this? some dumb game of chess? were you too dumb to let up so easily or was juyeon just too petty about what happened five years ago? it feels like a game of push and pull that was never going to end.

that is, until juyeon opens his mouth.

“i’m sorry.”

your eyes dart around his, frantically searching for any sign of pretence or inauthenticity.

but you are shocked when you see sincerity, and nothing but him wanting to prove himself.

your heart is racing and thumping so hard, you were sure juyeon could hear it.

it feels like the weight of the world has crashed down on you, at the same time the heavens finally ridding you of the witch that has been peeling your insides and throwing them out of your body in the form of tears.

the gravity of the apology sinks into you too soon, because you shove your lips between his before you could even process your own actions.

digging his fingers into your thighs, he pushes you back so you were lying down again, never once breaking the kiss.

you wonder if you were giving in too easily when he slips his tongue through your lips without much effort, but feeling his heart rush against yours is a sensation to be reckoned with.

it does not feel real. it does not feel like you deserve it.

the friction of your pants being pulled off your thighs earns your attention, but he is drinking your moans and feeling you writhe under him.

the cool air followed by a thud tells you that your pants are on the floor, leaving you in your lingerie and him in his pants. so your fingers run across his biceps and reach south, slightly aggressively undoing his belt.

sparks fly when juyeon smiles into the kiss.

oh, how much i missed you.

he shifts around in a bid to get rid of his pants, breaking the kiss in the process.

panting and trying to catch your breath from the excessive making out, juyeon slides his arm under you and flips you over carefully.

he doesn’t remove your bra, and maybe it was because he wanted to know he wasn’t doing this because he wanted sex, the way you accused him of it two weeks ago.

chills run down your spine with every instant his lips are on the skin of your back, and then your inner thighs and you find yourself shaking under him.

not because you were scared, but because this was right.

the mattress around your legs shift, a finger trails the skin near your core and the air meets your needy wetness you didn’t even realise was becoming prominent.

the bedsheet gets crumpled in your hands when he pulls it off, lifting your legs for you to remove it.

then his palms are gripping the back of your thighs and his tongue meets your entrance.

a hiss runs through your teeth and you shut your eyes.

the bliss is overwhelming, and your entire body was tremoring from the sensation of him dipping his tongue into you.

his fingers find your sensitive nub, making you pool more for him to lap up.

just when it becomes too unbearable, he removes himself from your south. burying your face into the pillow, one of his hands grips the flesh of your rear.

it feels like a warm blanket when he leans down, chest against your back and his left arm supporting his weight next to your ear. “tell me if it hurts.”

he greets you at your entrance, prodding slightly and driving inappropriate thoughts into your head as if you weren’t already halfway there.

so you nod, and he plants a kiss on your shoulder as he pushes into you.

your temples tighten with the pain when you feel him stretching out your walls, your fingers gripping onto the bedsheet like you were strangling someone.

his right arm is holding your stomach under you, his lips still leaving lingering dollops of love and care on your shoulders.

he waits until the look of pain has vanished, and the thrusts start out light because you were still adjusting to him.

but it doesn’t take long for the small winces of pain to turn into gentle mewls and moans of pleasure.

you turn and bury your face into the pillow, trying to muffle out your own desperation.

so it is a surprise when juyeon abruptly pulls out and flips you over on your back, and you provide him one extremely annoyed sigh.

he smirks at you, and you don’t mind it one bit.

“nothing to be ashamed of.”

he wraps his legs around his hips as he looms over you, arms on either side of your head against the mattress. the combination of him pushing into you and pressing his lips against yours is of immense bliss and satisfaction.

you have all of him now, and this was meant to be.

hips hips roll against yours instead of rampant thrusting, so that he could maintain his lips on yours. he was careful and meticulous and he wants you to know that he still loves you.

if that is what he’s doing, he’s doing a damn good job at it.

his hips are grinding against your sensitive nub and the rolling was maximising the friction of his length inside you, so it doesn’t take much for him to help you reach your high.

“juyeon--”

“i know,” he whispers to you, lips just about an inch away from yours when his eyes dig into your half-hooded ones.

you expected your body to regurgitate all the memories of sangyeon, but nothing comes to mind.

the only person in your head is juyeon, and you had absolutely no problem with it.

he helps you reach your high and your back archs off the mattress as he drinks the pleasure spewing out your throat.

he pulls out, just after he helps you ride it out, and he releases on your stomach and your thighs with sweat sticking his gelled hair to his forehead.

your arms slide under his pillows and your chest heaves from the intimacy. it takes you awhile to realise you are staring at his chest and collarbones and face before he crawls back towards you.

he angles his head to kiss you again, this time willingly smiling into the act of affection.

“does this mean you accept my apology?”

you suck your lips between your teeth when he pulls away, his hands brushing your hair out of your face and stroking your cheek.

“yes,” you nod subtly. “but only if you clean your mess off me.”

juyeon jabs the inner side of his cheek with tongue and looks away for a second.

he leans forward once more, kissing you on the forehead this time.

“i love you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

to be continued (final)

#juyeon smut #lee juyeon #juyeon #the boyz #the boyz lee juyeon #the boyz smut #the boyz fanfic #the boyz imagine #help #this was such a long chapt

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heyheycaitalin · 3 years

Text

So annual enrollment for the health plan is coming up and I decided to take a look at the options.

On the left is the big scary numbers of how much it costs per biweekly paycheck, the deductible, HSA match, and annual out of pocket maximum.

On the right are what I'd have to pay when I use it. I color coded that side just to see how often certain terms or phrases come up. In yellow is every time "after deductible" appears. In green is "AND $300 copay". So yeah, the insurance covers care 100% emergency care AFTER the deductible is met AND I cough up an extra $300 copay. In pink is the good stuff, "no deductible". And blue is just highlighting that because of the COVID19 pandemic, they waived the copay fee for virtual doctor visits.

So on top of paying a fee every single paycheck just to have the insurance, I also have to pay when I use it. The deductible is how much I have to pay before the insurance kicks in. I mean I always thought me just signing up for insurance and paying that fee every month meant insurance would do something, but go off American health insurance. And that premium I'm paying every single goddamn paycheck it's not getting credited towards my deductible. Where the FUCK is it going, what the FUCK is the point of it, who the hell knows but I'm betting it's just lining some rich CEO's pockets.

Oh and you know my absolute favorite fucking part of this whole shebang is?? You have to make a choice at one specific time of year if you want it or not. There are exceptions if you switch from part time to full time, get married, have a baby, etc. But other than that, you make a choice during open enrollment and that's it. There's no "but Christmas is coming up and I've got x, y, z to save for, can I put it off until say, January?" NOPE. Unless you happen to have one of those special circumstances (marriage, job change, baby) happen to let you enroll during that time, NOPE. And if your financial situation changes where you can't afford health insurance, it's a whole fucking thing with calling the people to beg them to let you remove it or change your plan.

Now everyone at my work says we have good health insurance. And yeah, even the highest deductible is still lower than what I had with my last employer. But the thing is, I don't have ~$160 to spend on health insurance, ESPECIALLY not if we still have to pay out the ass for everything up to $6000. Y'all think they pay me enough to throw $320 out the window every fucking month for health insurance we might not even use? HA!

Now please for the love of God, Abraham, Allah, Buddah, idk whoever the heck is gonna listen to me, please tell me why anyone wants THIS nonsense over a single payer system covered by taxes? I mean seriously. Why do people love these damn deductibles and copays and coinsurance and in network bullshit so much? Y'all know it doesn't have to be this way, right?

#usa #usa centric #healthcare system #us healthcare #us health system #us health insurance #I hate it here #England can you please adopt us again I hate it here

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r6shippingdelivery · 4 years

Note

Fuze and tachanka or some other operators on the base find out about glaz' and kapkans relationship and seem really against it and homophobic and all that shit but turns out it was all just a big misunderstanding, either they though one was cheating on the other or kapkan was being abused(?) Cause of all the.. *cough* love bruises on his hips and shit Idk

That’s an interesting idea 🤔 I do have an idea planned for the cheating misunderstanding, for a fic involving poly!Spetsnaz, so since I didn’t want to re-use a similar premise, I chose to go with the “suspected abuse” one. It’s a really out there idea, and I’m a bit nervous about the result. It already got longer than I planned, since I was aiming for a snippet under 1k and this is around 2k 😅

You can read the story here in AO3 too!

Coming out to their teammates didn’t go as expected. First of all, it was an accident. Glaz knew Kapkan was uncomfortable with the idea, and while he was of the opinion they couldn’t hide forever, for the time being he agreed to keep their relationship a secret. That they ended up kissing in front of all their friends was an accident, a miscalculation they blamed on the alcohol.

It happened during poker night, which had become sort of a weekly tradition. Bets were made, drinks flowed freely, and in general their guard was low. After all, most of the people in the room were their friends, there was no reason for them not to relax.

At one point, Bandit tried to get Kapkan into some silly bet. Glaz wasn’t sure about the specifics, he’d been too busy trying to determine if Thermite was bluffing or not. He only heard the last part of the conversation, with Bandit saying that if he won, Kapkan would have to kiss Glaz. It was almost endearing how Kapkan’s friends were trying to set them up, albeit clumsily.

Then, to everyone’s bafflement, Kapkan replied, “I don’t need a shoddy excuse to kiss moy dorogoy.”

After which he grabbed Glaz by the neck of his shirt and kissed him. The sniper was confused, because while feeling Kapkan’s lips on him was always a delight, he also knew this went against the hunter’s wish to keep their relationship a secret.

Predictably, the room exploded: hooting, clapping, incoherent screaming... everyone seemed delighted by this development - probably because of the betting pool they had going on, as Glaz learnt later. The only ones looking glum were Fuze and Tachanka. Glaz wasn’t naïve enough to think they would be totally fine with it from the get go, but he hoped they would eventually see reason. Despite the prevalent attitudes in Russia, neither of them had struck him as particularly bigoted.

Maybe they were worried about what it could mean for the team, if this would cloud his or Kapkan’s judgement during a mission. So, for the time being, he put those concerns aside and enjoyed the rest of the evening playing cards, while an unusually affectionate Kapkan sat by his side.

Next morning Kapkan groaned and cursed when remembering how he accidentally outed them, but after the kiss and then going to sleep in Glaz’s room there was no backtracking now. The secret was out, and everyone seemed okay with it. Mostly. Tachanka and Fuze didn’t comment on it, but at least they acted as always around them. Well, around Kapkan. Glaz could swear their demeanor was warm with Kapkan and considerably colder around him. Which made no sense to Glaz.

For the rest of the week, he observed how both Fuze and Tachanka seemed to be fine with Kapkan yet became more guarded and silent around Glaz. There was also the fact they seemed to keep him away from the hunter. Tachanka often coming to snatch Kapkan away for some reason or another, or Fuze staying around instead of leaving the lovebirds alone. At some point he had the feeling they would forbid them to sleep in the same room if they could. None of it made any sense to Glaz. Why was he a problem in his teammate’s eyes but not Kapkan? Not that he wanted them to have a problem with the hunter too, but that one-sided distaste was really bizarre.

Glaz was a patient man, but he was also fed up with his teammates giving him the cold shoulder for no apparent reason, and decided it was time to have a talk with them. After asking around, he discovered Tachanka had taken Kapkan away for some extra training, which he wasn’t even surprised about, so he went to find Fuze instead. It was always easy to find Fuze, since he spent most of his free time in the workshop.

“Shuhrat, we need to talk.”

Fuze grimaced at that, maybe because he knew what this was about, or maybe because Glaz’s expression was the complete opposite of his usual friendly demeanor.

“I wanted to talk to you too. In private.”

The walk back to the dorms was excruciating, the silence between them heavy and awkward and full of anticipation of the worst kind. Once they were back in the privacy of the Spetsnaz quarters, Fuze just looked at him, clearly uncomfortable and presumably thinking of how to breach the issue. Glaz took a way more direct approach.

“Are you going to tell me now why Sasha and you have been treating me like I spat in your food and insulted your entire family?”

“I want to say I don’t think you’re the type of person to… I said nothing until now because I wanted to have more evidence one way or another, but Sasha insisted we had to act now.”

That made absolutely no sense and Glaz was getting increasingly pissed. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“It started two weeks ago now, with Sasha saying how Maxim was reminding him of his sister before her own divorce, and not in a good way.” The explanation made Glaz blink, trying to process what the hell was that supposed to mean. “Maxim started to act weird, refusing to use the communal showers, always wearing those damn hoodies of his zipped up almost to his face. There were also the injuries, the sprained wrist, the busted lip. He never explained those, deflected the questions, you know? And Sasha… during their sparrings he noticed how Maxim sometimes limped a little, and the bruises hidden by the clothing.”

While Fuze talked, Glaz had literally felt how a burning cold fury grew as he realised what was being implied. The sheepish look from Fuze at the end did nothing to ease the rage threatening to overflow.

“You really thought, even for a moment, I am the kind of man to abuse their partner?” He hissed, slowly losing his composure the more he thought about it. Because beneath the anger, he was devastated that one of his closest friends would entertain such an idea. “Is that what you’re fucking implying, that you thought I was hitting Maxim?”

“I didn’t believe that!” Fuze shot back, agitated. “Sasha was convinced there was something weird going on, and we both know he’s not reasonable when he goes in protective mode. After we found out about you two, I suggested we wait a few more days, see how things went.”

“And what’s your verdict now, hm? What do you have to say?”

“I think Max has been acting weird, but I’ve seen how you two are around each other too,” Fuze sighed. “And I’m not sure you even realise how in love you both look.”

An uncomfortable silence filled the room, both glaring at the ground instead of looking at each other.

“Why didn’t you come to me with your doubts?” Glaz’s voice was small, still laden with anger but letting the hurt shine through. “Why avoid me if you were convinced of my innocence?”

“Because I had no idea what to say or how to apologize! Hey Timur, sorry I was cold with you, I thought Max might be in an abusive relationship, but then we found out you’re together and now I feel like an idiot, how’s that as a conversation starter?”

“Well, it would have been better than saying nothing!”

“You’re right. I didn’t want to fuck up and I think I ended insulting you even worse. I’m sorry.”

Glaz nodded, silently accepting the apology. “About Maxim’s sprained wrist, do you remember how he boasted about swinging The Caber? Guess who ended up putting ice on his swollen wrist that night. The busted lip was from training, he didn’t tell me the details, so I assume it was an embarrassing and completely preventable accident he doesn’t want to disclose. As for the marks and bruises he hides, well. Couples fuck.” He felt a vindictive surge of satisfaction upon seeing Fuze blush violently, and continued his explanation despite Fuze telling him it wasn’t needed. “Sometimes I get carried away and get a bit too rough, but most of the time he’s the one asking me to mark him. Telling me to make sure he’ll feel it the next day. You should see my back, it’s like a wild animal scratched me. And you know how Max is, very private and weirdly shy about personal stuff. I guess he avoided the communal shower because he didn’t want people gossiping about the marks”

Ironically, that was exactly what happened. Kapkan would not be pleased if he learnt about it. In fact, if he learnt about this ridiculous situation about an abusive relationship, the hunter would raise hell. Glaz was quite sure he might even end up punching someone, most probably Tachanka.

“I’m sorry I acted like an idiot, and I’ll make sure Sasha realises he’s being an idiot too,” Fuze said again, looking truly remorseful. “You realise that if it had been you, or me, acting like that, Sasha would have done the same, right? He’s protective of all of us, even if he acts before thinking.”

“I know,” Glaz sighed. “I’m still pissed at him., though.”

With the air cleared, the unpleasant atmosphere was mostly gone, although Fuze acted like he wasn’t sure of how their friendship stood after that. Glaz wanted to reassure him they were still friends, but it could wait until tomorrow. He needed time to process everything first. It had been an extremely emotionally taxing conversation.

He retired to his room, ready to work through his feelings through painting, as he tended to do. Judging by how it was coming along, all jagged lines criss-crossing to hide the pattern beneath, Glaz was sure it wouldn’t be one of his best works, but at least it did its job to help him clear his mind. He was almost done when Kapkan barged into the room without even knocking.

“Timur, holy shit, you won’t believe the weird conversation I had with Sasha,” Kapkan said, a worried frown adorning his face.

“What happened?” Glaz was sure it wouldn’t beat his conversation with Fuze, at worst it would be on the same level, but then he doubted Kapkan would be so calm about it.

“I think Sasha might have a crush on me? He kept asking about our relationship, how long I’ve been dating you, and trying to talk about our sex life. He said I deserve someone who would love and worship me.” At this point, Glaz broke out laughing, Kapkan’s horrified expression making it even funnier. “Don’t laugh, I’m being serious! He was also weirdly hostile when talking about you, I don’t like it.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll talk with him and set things right. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding,” Glaz replied, knowing what was Tachanka’s problem, and how it would stop being an issue soon.

“Hmm,” Kapkan wasn’t convinced, that much was clear. “I’ll go with you and make sure he doesn’t act too much like an idiot.”

“I think you’ll be surprised, he might be reasonable.”

Kapkan narrowed his eyes. “Are we talking about the same Sasha?”

Glaz chuckled, because Kapkan was right. Tachanka was usually stubborn and hardheaded, but this time Glaz had information Kapkan didn’t know about. And for now, he wasn’t sure it would be a good idea to tell him. Painting finished, he put the brushes aside and cleaned his hands with a rag.

“Enough about Sasha. We haven’t had much time for ourselves this week, how about we make up for it?” Glaz tilted his head towards the bed, and Kapkan took the hint instantly, grabbing his hands and dragging Glaz to the bed with him.

Tomorrow there would be fresh marks on both of them, but he didn’t care. It was not a crime to leave a hickey or two on his lover, and part of Glaz wanted to see his teammate’s reaction.

#rainbow 6 siege #r6s #rainbow six siege #glaz #kapkan #fuze #tachanka #fanfiction #Anonymous

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deltastorm101 · 4 years

Text

So, I tried to calculate Control...

... and its Epic Games deal, with the help of my certified smooth brain™ and probably incorrect sources. I started this last night hella tired and with a headache, I have finished it up today hella tired and with a headache, and this is what I produced: bullshit! :D But hey, at least double checked bullshit that’s open for discussion and contribution and expansion. Also, I probably won’t list the sources because a) I’m lazy and b) I didn’t have to dig thaaat deep down to find all this so if you really wanna know you could probably hit google with it as well. Anyhow here we go lol So, the initial thought which got all of this rolling was the 2020-wrap-up-post Remedy linked on their twitter, and Epic’s linked publishing announcement in it: studios Remedy, Playdead and GenDesign will release their next next-gen games with Epic. Now, we all know Remedy are working on some sort of Alan Wake-ish thing as we speak (right? right?? god I hope so), which meanssss our boy will most likely be an Epic exclusive. Which makes me kinda sad because, well. I’m deep in Steam’s ass. Hell, I waited for Control for a full year before I played it because they can pry the Steam version from my cold dead hands. So I asked myself... was it worth it for them? How much money did they throw at Remedy (and 505 Games) to have them play along? Would they have reached more people from the get-go if they had released it on Steam right away? Did the individual programmer, designer, writer, artist, person behind it profit from this at all? (Also, like, about the rights and copyright thing,,,,, you’d think they could have learned from Alan Wake and its IP belonging to Microsoft and so not really being able to do anything more with it because they don’t ‘own’ it and shit) buuut anyway that’s not the point of this post, now it’s time to do some MATH BABEY

Ok, let’s start with some things we know. Facts. Figures. Data. Turns out my initial question, how much money was involved, could be answered by doing one (1) google search: according to Wikipedia, Epic gave Remedy and 505 Games €9.49mio. The total budget for the game was €26.9mio over the course of 3 years of development. We know that as of December 2020, over 2mio copies of the game were sold, with November 2020 being the best-selling month ever since its initial release in August 2019. This is where question 1) comes into play: how many of those 2 million copies were sold in 2019 and how many in 2020? Stay tuned, I think I found out.

We know that Remedy gets to keep 45% of the revenue, which, I assumed, means that 505 keeps the remaining 55% (probably a lot more going on there but shhh). We know that Control’s sales cooked up €17.84mio in 2019 (so months September – December), €17.7mio of those in the first month alone (O.O). Side note: because it came out at the very end of August, I’ll ignore that month and declare September the first sales month.

We know that 60% of sales in 2019 were digital ones (aka Epic Store, mostly), 40% physical ones (consoles PS4 and XB1), while in 2020, only 10% of sales were physical and a whopping 90% digital; which is people on Epic who wanted to get their hands on the first DLC and – you guessed it – the Steam release of the Ultimate Edition in August 2020.

Which begs question 2): what’s bigger, 60% of 2019 sales because ‘ooh shiny new game’, or 90% of 2020 sales because ‘yay steam release’? The answer may look obvious, but you have to take into account the dropping price, which I also researched for your pleasure and enjoyment.

For this I used a German website called idealo.de, which focuses on looking for the best deals for basically anything you can buy on the internet, and it also gives you diagrams that describe at which point in time the product was at which exact price. This is what it gave me: - release price: €60 - December 2019: €41 (PS4)/€44 (XB1) - mid-2020: €30 - Ultimate Edition release: €30 - December 2020: €14 (PS4)/€18 (XB1)/€30 (Ultimate Editions) At this point I was like “lol hold on i need chocolate for this cuz i’ll be here for some time *sweating*”

To continue this mess™, I see more questions: 3) How many employees does Remedy have, which positions do they work in and what are their salaries? 4) How many employees does 505 have, which positions and salaries do they have? 5) What’s the total revenue that Control has generated so far?

And also some more stuff like, are my numbers accurate, am I even grasping these concepts correctly, are there even more people involved or am I just trying to explain complete crap (yes) but let’s just ignore all of that shall we. At that point I went “oh shit what have i gotten myself into, this screen does not get my point across, i need pen and paper” and you know shit is gonna go DOWN when I do math on paper.

My paper math birthed the following calculation:

Following this up, we can calculate the end-of-2019 sales, if we set the price for September and October to €60, for November and December to approx. €45:

Now, you might notice that one of those numbers is big and the other is HUGE. Why might that be? Well...

- Covid19: everyone stayed at home and needed video games to play - More sale months of the year, naturally - dropping price: why get it for €60 when you can get it for 20 - Ultimate Edition: why buy it in June when you get more content in August aaaand... - it comes out on Steam.

With this in mind, let’s see what questions we can answer: 1) 661,110 copies in 2019; 1,338,889 copies in 2020 2) 60% digital sales in 2019 means 396,666 Epic copies; 90% digital sales in 2020 means 1,205,000 copies – most of it from Steam? Some of it? A good chunk? The bigger chunk? There’s no way of really knowing for sure but... you could read this into it. I definitely am. 3) Google told me Remedy had a little over 250 employees at the end of 2019... 4) ... and 505 has less than 100. I found no good sources for this, I think linkedin said 37, someone else said 50. I’ll just use the 50 figure, idk. No idea man. and for 5) I’ll contradict my point that the Steam release is what knocked the sales out of the park and assume that the number of sold copies stayed the same across all 12 months of 2020, which gives us this:

Ok and now we’re getting into the most dangerous of danger zones because I have no idea how companies or capitalism work, so for educated people™, the remaining calculations might read like a toddler wrote them; I apologize profusely and hereby present last night’s brain vomit:

As stated earlier, development took 3 years, but everyone wanted to get paid in 2020 as well so let’s use 4 years to find out the salaries, which is 48 months. Let’s assume the utopian idea that every employee on the line here gets the exact same amount of money (LOL ikr but shhhh, let’s live out our dirtiest equality fantasies for a second ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)). Which would mean...

And now without the Epic Deal™:

Quod erat demonstrandum. Remedy has been selling their souls to Epic for €350 a month since 2017. (I don’t mean this as maliciously as I’m making it sound, don’t worry xD)

OKAY SO, O B V I O U S L Y, I have not the slightest idea what on earth I’m talking about so read this like you’d read a good fanfiction. We don’t know the different salaries across the different positions (and genders HAH), we don’t know if other parties were involved, I’ve completely ignored the sum that Epic themselves get, I have ignored taxes, I don’t know if my numbers are accurate (they’re definitely not I mean 505 must have more employees than 50), if I made mistakes (yes), and also somewhere along the way I forgot to use the €26.9mio budget figure because, uuh, I have no idea where to use it, what it means, where did it come from, where did it go, cotton eye joe - but oh well, I’m not starting over, take it or leave it.

So... I can now officially say I have written hot steamy economics fic xD Man I put waaay too much time into this but damn was it fun. Good three-hour-deep-dive (two of them spent munching on chocolate half-asleep listening to psytrance to keep my brain twitchy). Real-life-theorizing. Fuck capitalism. Don’t do drugs. Pet a cat. Wear your mask. Call your grandparents.

If there’s typos in this I’m sorry but also I’m not, I can’t be bothered to proofread again lol. Goodnight imma catch up on the sleep I lost. Gotta love full moons

#this is the first post in ages in which i used punctuation and capitalization are you proud of me xD #dw it won’t stay like this #control #control remedy #alan wake #ok now go yell at me how stupidly wrong and dumb this is i’m ready #do you think my old math teacher would be proud #i think so #my economics teacher... not so much

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