#i thought they could have literally just given us 10 to 20 more min. of run time to help flesh it out... it should have been longer!!!

[kaiayame]

.

[sortasirius]

What the Fuck Happened to the SPN Finale?

Okay so here it is, my Charlie Kelly style manifesto.

Before I get into it, I recognize that I will look like this to many of you, and that’s okay, I understand:

Secondly, your personal Takes about the writers don’t interest me, I don’t need to hear them. This, as I’ll explain, is going to remain a writer positive blog, and that’s the end of it.

Third, and most importantly: some of what I’m going to talk about is fact, and some is highly educated speculation. I will notate what is speculation, just so there’s no confusion or hot takes in my inbox that I’m a conspiracy theorist or stirring shit up for no reason.

A list of what I’ll be discussing

The episode in regards to the rest of the season

The episode issues: length, editing

Scene placement and speculation of scenes cut

The scrubbing of Jack, Cas, Eileen

Network involvement and general timeline of when things were cut

Misha: theories on where he was, official company line, why we can’t expect to hear anything directly

The silence of the cast post episode (in Misha’s case, mid episode) and what this might mean

Jensen speaking with Kripke about the ending: why it doesn’t mean what you might think (also why kripke remained positive on the ending)

Walker, and why this episode had a major shift

Why the network would do this or get involved

Why the writers of the show simply aren’t the bad guys here, and what I “want” out of this post, since I know it’ll get asked

This is very long and under a cut, but I hope you’ll give it a read.

The Episode In Regards to the Rest of the Season

So, I’ve discussed this already here, but it’s the most obvious thing to me, and that’s the way this episode simply doesn’t fit with the rest of the season.

These people in this room have, truly, been nothing but consistent when it comes to their arcs, especially this season, and the marked dropoff in quality for the finale episode is just too sus to discount to me.  Dabb’s whole focus has been character-based.  In his seasons, we’ve moved far away from MOTW and bro-codependency, the found family taking it’s place.  Does it really sit right to anyone that that was all thrown away in literally the last episode of the entire show?

This is speculation on my part, but as a writer myself, there is no way I would be happy or willing to stamp my name on something that I didn’t think would, at the very least, wrap up the season+ character arcs that I and my team had been crafting.

And before anyone comes in here saying, “well GOT did that!”  Bruh.  The writing was on the wall for GOT long before the final episode.  You could tell that the showrunners just wanted to be done (not only from the plot, but from the fact that they lobbied for a shorter season).  Miss me with that, it doesn’t apply here.  Andrew has, besides Singer and J2, been with the show longer than anyone.  He cares, he is meticulous and detailed, and this ending feels worse than anything Bucklemming has ever written, let alone Dabb.

Additionally, I’ve seen a lot of people say that Dabb was never behind Destiel, that it was all Bobo and Meredith and no one else.  That is reductive to the point of insult of the work Dabb has done to get this greenlit.  This man did not write the s13 Dean grief arc to be slandered like this.  That being said, YES, Bobo and Meredith were the leads on the DeanCas arc this season, but ANDREW IS THE SHOWRUNNER, TO GET EVEN THE CONFESSION APPROVED BY THE NETWORK HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE THEIR BACKS.  AND HE DID.

Finale Issues

So, now that we’ve gotten the fact that this episode doesn’t hit on any of the major themes the show was barrelling towards all season, let’s discuss the fact that the episode is just...weird.

Not only is it shorter than any other episode (I think with the intro and the credits/crew thing at the end, it was around 38 mins), but it was also...idk, 90% filler?

One of the lovely humans in the POLOL server did the legwork here, and broke it down:

This is weird, y’all.  Most series finales are LONGER than normal (Lost, SOA, Longmire are the ones I can think of off the top of my head), and for the final episode to be this?  I saw more than one person point out that we only really needed 19 episodes, what was the point of 20?  AND THAT’S EXACTLY IT?  WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FINAL EPISODE IF THIS WAS ALL WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET?

It simply doesn’t make any sense, the first half of the episode was rushed, a final monster hunt gone wrong, but in the second half?  Nothing really happened?  Sam lived his entire life and Dean just drove around.  It doesn’t make sense to have all the emotional arcs left unaddressed in an episode that definitely needed some kind of spark.

Here’s the speculation I have: the episode seemingly went through a lot of changes between the initial inception of the final season and when we actually got it, but I think it would have been passable (as in, we wouldn’t be sitting here asking each other why each arc feels incomplete) until the editing room got ahold of it.  The only think that makes this episode make sense is network fuckery.  Truly, that is the only thing.  It explains the weird, cuts, the rushed pacing of the first half followed by nothing in the second half, the double montages of “Wayward Son” back to back, and Dean just...driving around for the last half of the episode.

Scene Placement and Speculation of Scenes Cut

Before I get into this section, the info of the shots in the episode I have come from a source that @occamshipper​ got a week or so before the finale.  She’s talked about this here.

So here’s what Min was given:

1-5: 1 INT MEN OF LETTERS – DEAN’S ROOM Dean is greeted by Miracle

6-10: 6 INT MEN OF LETTERS – HALLWAY/SAM’S ROOM Sam has his routine

D1 1 11-15: 15 EXT FARM HOUSE Establishing

N1 1/8 16-20: 19 Dad’s journal, marker, drawing of masked man in journal.

21-25: 23 INT IMPALA – PMP Driver picks the music

N2 1 3/8 1,2 26-30: 28pt2 INT BARN: A face from the past

28pt3 Sam and Dean say goodbye

28pt4 Shot early for technical reasons, presumably the overhead shot

N2 31-45: 41 INT MEN OF LETTERS – SAM’S ROOM Sam’s alarm goes off D4 1/8 1 46-60: 56 INT N7glasses for Sam, laptop.

So...it all fits right?  It all tracks with the actual episode, where it lands, etc.  The issue is between shots 29-40 which were apparently “too big to spoil.”  Uh.  Where are they?  And where’s 28 pt4?

After Dean dies, the next scene is Sam burning him, then shot 31, the shot of his alarm going off.

So.  Where are those 11ish shots?

PLUS we have the boards, which are scenes we KNOW were actually shot:

As well as scenes for 20 that were shot in 19.

It’s just...weird, it’s weird and again hits on the fact that the episode is so short and like 80% montage.

The Scrubbing of Jack, Cas, and Eileen

So now we have to reckon with the fact that Eileen was last mentioned by Sam after she got snapped by Chuck, Jack’s last mention is that he’s off being God somewhere, and Cas’ last mention is a ~knowing look~ between Dean and Bobby.

I’m sorry, make it make sense:

????????  That’s the end if it?  They don’t need to be discussed after this???  It’s just simply not something a writer would do, they would not introduce these characters, these arcs, without thinking there’s going to be some kind of follow through here.

So not only were three major characters (including two leads and both of the original characters’ love interests) completely wiped from the finale episode, it was as though Sam and Dean never even needed them, which just...ain’t it.

So why Eileen and Jack too?  Why not just take Cas out of it if they were afraid of the gay?  Because, ultimately, the episode went back to Kripke’s original story: just the bros, they only need each other and no one else.  They don’t want anyone else, they don’t need anyone else.  Easier to go back to something they knew was successful than trust the writers and their audience and take a big leap.

Alex even said he shot for 20 with “some of the guys” here.  What happened to that footage?

The complete 180 of it all still shocks me, I still cannot believe that we were essentially at the finish line, and the network just stopped short, and decided to go run another race, at the expense of the arc of this fifteen year legacy show.

Network Involvement and When Things Were Cut

Okay, now into the juicy stuff.

So I’ve pretty well established that network fuckery is clear, but how much did they get involved, what was the original intent?

Well again, we may never actually know what Andrew’s original script was, but I think, at the least, it would involve Dean speaking his truth to Cas and Sam living a life with Eileen.

Now, it seems today, that Misha said that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale in one iteration of the script, and while initially my brain was like “that truly makes no sense and he’s either straight up lying or telling a half truth,” I think what may be happening is Misha talking about as much as he can right now.

So Jimmy right.  Weird as fuck.  Why would he been in the Roadhouse and not Cas?  My current thought (this is about as reachy as I’ll get) is that Jimmy had no lines, could he have been in the Roadhouse as a red herring, like it said “Jimmy” in the script but it was just Cas in human clothes, a way to get around the network saying Cas couldn’t be in the final scene.  Also, you’ll notice that Misha didn’t say that Cas wasn’t supposed to be in the ep at all, just Jimmy in the last scene.

All this to say, there have clearly been multiple versions of the script, getting lighter and lighter with Cas and Eileen as the network pulled further and further back.  Remember, Dabb has to get things approved before they get shot, and if the network kept asking and asking and asking to cut Cas and Eileen, he had to find a way to work around it.  Granted, I still think that if we had been able to get a Dabb script that wasn’t torn to shreds in editing, it wouldn’t be so bad.  It may not be what a lot of us wanted (Dean speaking his truth to Cas and a reciprocation), but doing everything he could to give it to us in subtext or visual clues.

Plus, in all honesty, my man can’t keep his story straight anyway.  He said twice in his panel that the Empty and offscreen Heaven ending weren’t his original ending either.

In addition, remember that Jensen did ADR post episode 18, AND said in a meet and greet last weekend that Dean’s reaction to Cas’ confession was “cut down.” (Source here).  Many of us clowns got excited when we first heard about ADR, because we thought it would be upping the ante on Dean’s reaction, but I remember being a little sus when it was just crying.  My speculation on that is that they cut out Dean actually SAYING something, @winchestersingerautorepair​ spoke about that here.

The biggest sins were, in my opinion, committed during editing, where the network got too gun shy and sliced the episode until it was nothing but a heartless bro-fest of a finale, not mentioning anything about the other major characters that we all love, and letting the boys just suffer in separation until Sam died and finally joined Dean in Heaven.  The editing came by cutting all the major emotional beats between anyone other than Dean and Sam, leaving the skeleton of the story intact, just shorter and less...poignant than it was ever supposed to be.

Misha

We know Misha was in Vancouver, we know he quarantined, but we also know he wasn’t in the final scene, when he spoke about being in the last moment of the show months ago.  We were not crazy, he was there, he quarantined, and, in all likelihood (speculation but fitting with the timeline), he actually may have shot something (not much, but something).

I have sources here, here, here, and here showing where Misha was at that time.

Remember, the man was completely open about coming back until they finished shooting (look at this thread).  The switch happened, just like everything else, halfway through them shooting.

Please also remember Jake Abel posting his “Where’s Misha” video here.  Jake isn’t malicious, he isn’t being nasty here.  Misha was there, and everyone that’s trying to convince people he’s wasn’t just...isn’t telling the truth about it.

This is one of the things that makes me really mad, because they’re literally attempting to gaslight people into thinking, “oh we were totally wrong he was never supposed to be there” WHEN HE WAS THERE, WE KNOW HE WAS THERE.

So we’ve already heard from several people (Meghan Fitzmartin, Jay, a PA on the set of 19 (WHO WAS NOT WORKING FOR 20), Misha himself) that this was all down to Covid restrictions.  Ultimately, as this post says, we’ve heard FIVE versions of where Misha was.  None of it makes sense, but the Covid protocol seems to be the company line that others are repeating.

You may ask: why?  Why lie to all of us when we have questions?  Why, in Jay’s case, say that we’re all spreading false lies to stir up trouble, when we just have questions and things that do not make sense.  Simply?  Warner Brothers is absolutely massive.  These people have their careers to protect and are likely all under NDAs.  They want to work for WB again and don’t want to burn bridges, including Misha.  It sucks, but that’s why it’s unlikely that we’ll hear someone come out and say, “yeah we’re lying to you.”

Silence of the Cast Post Episode

So this is...probably the worst part of all this, at least in my opinion.

The guys had all been pretty excited about the end of the show (especially Jared, but Jensen’s panel last week was Jensen as happy and jokey and positive as I’ve ever seen him.  He was so excited about episode 18, about what it meant for Dean and for Cas, and I just cannot buy that he would have been that excited unless he thought there was something more in the episode.

Misha live-tweeted the episode, and was watching it with his kids.  It’s well known that Misha and the kids don’t watch the show because it’s too scary, and let’s ask ourselves, why would he have them watch an episode that he’s barely even mentioned in?

He also stopped live-tweeting at a very specific point in the episode (Dean’s death) and has not mentioned Supernatural since then. 

None of them, not Jared, Jensen, Misha, or even Alex, said anything about the episode for nearly 36 hours, when Jensen posted a salty photo on instagram.  It’s just...not what you’d expect for the end of a 15 year show, when the cast and crew are so close to the fans, so close to each other. 

My theory?  They didn’t know.  They thought Misha was, at least, going to be in the episode in some way, and when he wasn’t, they decided not to say anything.

You really think that Jensen “Heller” Ackles would have been so excited about the end of the show last week if he thought Cas wasn’t going to be in it at all?  Nah son, doesn’t make any sense.

Even today, in Jared and Misha’s panels, they seemed sad and...more than a little careful, both saying that there were things they couldn’t say, both talking around things that we all have questions on.

Jensen Speaking with Kripke

So this is where a lot of people are getting fodder to take shots at the writers, saying that Jensen hated it from the beginning, but I don’t think so.  I actually think I know what Jensen went to him about, and it wasn’t the lack of Cas or the weird pacing or the montages (which I don’t think were there when Jensen got the script); I think it was the manner of Dean’s death.

I know a lot of people were upset about that, upset with how...normal it was, coming off an episode where they literally beat God.  I actually didn’t mind it, I thought it was an interesting thematic take to be like: you can be a hero all your life, but sometimes shit happens, and you just die.

But imagine how hard that was for Jensen to read.  He would run to Kripke for that, because for him, Dean dying by being impaled by a piece of rebar had to be tough to swallow.

So, why didn’t Kripke say that?  Why didn’t he say, “oh well he had a problem with Dean’s death, none of that other stuff was in the script.”

Guys.  Why would he get involved?  He’s not going to burn bridges any more than anyone else is.  He said the ending was good because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s simple, will cause him no problems in his career, and he can just ignore the people trying to engage with him on it.

Walker

Something else to talk about is the major shift this episode had from the rest of the season: the shift from Dean to Sam.  I am NOT saying that Sam isn’t important, he definitely, absolutely is, but it was DEAN who really needed to wrap up his arc, Sam just needed to move on, get married to Eileen, become the leader he was always meant to.  So what changed?  What was with the shirtless scene, the Austin number and random case there, most of the episode being heavily Sam focused, going through his entire life in a montage?

Anyone else notice the 375 Walker promos, or Jared’s little spiel about Walker and how he hoped SPN fans would “come along for the ride.”

It’s...kinda obvious?  CW wanted to appeal to who they think the key demographic of SPN and Walker is: rural areas in the South.  It would explain a lot, why so much editing, why so Sam focused, the Austin number, the number of Walker promos, all of it.

I’m not saying this is fact, I don’t know that it is, but it is a little suspicious that even in Jared’s panel today, he talked A LOT about Walker and how he hopes SPN fans will watch it.

Why Would the Network Get Involved?

Simply put: $$$

If they think Walker can be the new SPN, and that those crazy SPN fans liked it originally, it’s a lot safer to go with the “original intent” of the show than do something risky (like making one of your two original leads queer).

And?  They don’t care.  They don’t care that the episode didn’t make sense, they don’t care that all the emotional arcs were left hanging, they don’t care by (potentially) smashing together two of Dean’s monologues (one to Sam, one to Cas) that it came of as...gross. ( @curioussubjects​ wrote a beautiful post showing how part of that death speech was likely meant for Dean here).  They don’t care, they never have, they just want to make their money and move on from the too-loud fandom that fought for representation too hard for too long.

It can’t help but feel insidious, which, honestly, it might be, but it really all comes down to the next cash cow, which, they think, is Walker, even at the cost of the fifteen year legacy show.

The Writers and What I Want

So here it is, all this weird, sus shit laid out on the line.  And you know what?  To me, there is no way to blame the writers, because they didn’t want this.

I don’t think Dabb and Bobo would have gone ahead with the confession in 18 without thinking that there would be some closure to that arc, they wouldn’t have done that not only to the fans, but for the sake of their own story as well: no writer wants to start something that they can’t finish. (And this applies to both Cas and Eileen).

Here’s a basic rundown of what I think happened: they had a clear arc from 18-20, ending in reciprocation at some level from Dean, Sam marrying Eileen, Hunter Sam as the new Bobby, Dean in heaven with Cas and big roadhouse reunion at the end. Covid prevented a good amount of that. Network had to stare at big gay 18 for six months, got cold feet. Thought about Walker, target audience and alienation of the rural areas if it went full gay. Misha quarantined and likely shot something (not much), he was then cut by execs and went home. They likely added in lines referencing Eileen and Cas to make it clear but more subtextual. They wrap, editing gets it and hacks it to pieces, so we get a shorter episode that’s mostly montages and jarringly bro-centric with nothing else. Arcs are left hanging. Dabb gets episode but it’s too late, there’s nothing he can do. Actors aren’t told so they can continue to do positive PR for the ending, they all found out at the same time we did: hence almost complete silence about the finale.

And you know what?  They warned us.  I talked about it here, but they’ve been telling us all season that Chuck wasn’t the writer, he’s the network.  I don’t think, still, that they thought it would be cut up like this, into something so unsalvageable that it’s been panned by almost everyone, even people who didn’t care much about Dean and Cas.

Finally, a masterpiece can be ruined by editing, and while I’m not sure even the script they ended up shooting on was a masterpiece (due to the network meddling already), but to me it’s blatantly obvious that it’s no one but the network that caused this, that took away closure for Dean, Cas, and even Sam.

So what do I want?  Nothing really, there’s nothing we can do, but I wrote this mostly to show people that the writers are not your enemy.   In fact, to the people trashing them?  You’re doing exactly what the CW wants you to: blame the obvious targets, blame Misha, blame Jensen and Jared, blame Dabb.  Scream and yell at them on Twitter and about how the show is ruined because of them.  The network keeps their engagement levels high, they don’t get as targeted for their behavior, and just keep moving along.

Just, please, think about who did this,  Mourn the show, be angry, but not at the people who fought tooth and nail for this for literal years, not the people who wanted it more than we did, not the people who cannot say anything because of their careers and the NDAs they’re bound by.

Someone is going to spill eventually, but until then, we just have to wait, and continue to be loud.

[morganaspendragonss]

Hi! Not the same med anon as before but I saw your post so I thought I’d offer what I saw! I work in a hospital with some vent patients so I know a few things but I’ve never worked with some one with hypothermia so this is mostly guessing about his condition.(Like you said there’s not much new in the pics but I’m OBSESSED) anyway

Let’s start with the monitor. His heart rate has been 69 in every pic which I weird to me but it’s probably just what they have it set as for TV. 69 is a normal HR indicating he isn’t stressed or in pain (it would be up in the 120-130s or even higher if that were the case). His heart rhythm looks normal too. We know his HR drops really low in the promo so I predict it will go as low as 30-40 and then maybe stop completely (!). This is probably due to an arrhythmia (irregular heart beat) which may have caused his initial cardiac arrest in the last ep (Also they moved him way too much which you aren’t supposed to do with hypothermia patients but whatever). His BP is not displayed on the monitor even though he has a cuff hooked up which is also weird (it would be where those white Xs are and the machine would automatically run every 5 min or so). His O2 is also lower than other times (100 in the episode and pic with Owen and 93 now) 93 is still a normal pulse ox but I’m concerned that it’s lower as well as the waveform (see how the blue line dips a little toward the beginning?) this could indicate he’s having some trouble or maybe they’re trying to wean him off the vent and he is just working harder with the new settings.

That brings me to the vent! I can’t for the life of me see anything on the screen and I want to know the settings so bad! Basically I’d look for the setting, his Fio2, and his PEEP. If he is on a positive pressure setting, it means he’s fully dependent on the vent and can’t breathe on his own (very sad but very angsty for us). Alternatively, if he’s on a spontaneous setting he is getting support from the vent but is triggering his own breathes which is what would need to happen before they took the tube out. For the FiO2 it is basically how much oxygen he needs from the vent (20-40% would be good cause that means he doesn’t need much to keep up his pulse ox, the closer he gets to 100% the more help he needs to keep his blood oxygenated). Last is PEEP, which would tell us a lot about what his condition actually is. A normal PEEP is 5 so if the vent is set to 5 it means he’s good and ready to get off the vent as long as his FiO2 and setting are good. If his PEEP is higher ( I think it can go up to 10 or 12) it means he can’t keep his lungs from collapsing without the pressure regulation from the vent. This is usually seen with patients with pneumonia or water in their lungs because all the extra stuff in the lungs is building up pressure and causing the lungs to collapse. I think it’s a good chance TK could have pneumonia or water in his lungs which could be a big reason why he needs the vent but I wish I knew his PEEP so I could tell (I also saw a post about him maybe being given antibiotics so i think we really could be looking at an issue like this as well as his arrhythmia but we will see). Also I’m being picky but his vent tube would never be shoved under a bed rail like that it would be hooked up to special holders on the ventilator to make sure it is always in sight (because like if something got stuck he could die cause he needs the vent to breathe so it’s an important tube haha).

But yeah that’s my speculation! Sorry it got so long but you always seem genuinely interested! Med stuff on tv almost never lives up to my hype or reality but I’m actually hopefully for this one!

i literally owe you my life anon. this is so much information and i am living for all of it. it genuinely does interest me because as much as i love whump, i also love realism so i do have a tendency to get bogged down in the most minute details. i just want to know what the writers are trying to show us wrt tk's condition because it's all well and good having him on the vent, but if they're trying to emphasise that it's bad bad, then they should put some effort into displaying that.

not that i'm saying i'm expecting to be 100% medically accurate because at the end of the day it is a tv show. but if they're going to display stuff on these machines, it would be nice for it to actually mean something rather than it just being like 'standard' or whatever.

anyway!!! thank you so much for this ask. it was truly fascinating and i loved reading it!! 💚💚💚

[btsqualityy]

Assuage: Chapter 13

Yoongi x Reader

Genre: ABO (Alpha/Beta/Omega) dynamics, angst, fluff, smut, enemies to lovers

Warnings: None to note.

When you woke up the next morning, you could barely breathe from the lump that was Min Yoongi resting on top of you. 

Looking down, you smiled when you saw his head on your chest with his cheek smushed against your breast, his nose resting at the base of your neck. His legs were intertwined with yours and you couldn’t help but to notice how nicely your scent mixed with his as they both hung in the air. 

You still couldn’t believe how quickly things had moved between you and Yoongi, when you had the time to sit down and really think about it. You had never expected to even want to be in the same room with him but now, you had definitely fallen for him and at the rate that things were going, you knew it wouldn’t be long until you fell in love with him. 

“You’re thinking too loud,” Yoongi suddenly grumbled, and you smiled as you reached down and set your hands in his hair. 

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. 

“What time is it?” He asked and you glanced over at his bedside table, taking note of the time on the clock that sat there.

“8am.”

“I don’t function before 10 so let’s go back to sleep,” he muttered.

“I’m gonna have to raincheck,” you giggled. “I need to go to the Head Hall and talk to my brother about some things.”

“Everything ok?” 

“More than,” you assured him. “It’s just some small stuff, nothing serious.”

“And you have to go now?” He whined. “And leave me here, all alone, with only the remnants of your nest and your scent to remind me that you were even here?”

“You are so dramatic, what the fuck Yoongi?” You laughed. “I have an appointment with a pregnant Omega at 10 so I need to go talk to Joon before he gets too busy.”

“Ugh, fine,” he relented, lifting his head and opening his eyes to look at you for the first time this morning. “Wanna meet for lunch?”

“I’m booked up all day,” you grimaced. “What about dinner? You could come to my place and I’ll cook for you, for a change.”

“Sounds good,” he nodded, leaning up and kissing you gently. “I’ll see you later then baby.” After pressing a few more gentle kisses to his lips, you managed to pull yourself away from him and hop into his shower. Once you were out, you may or may not have snagged one of his flannel shirts from his dresser drawer before pressing another kiss to his forehead and sneaking out of his house. 

Your walk to the Head Hall was quick, given that you’d been making the same walk literally since you were born; first to visit your father and now, to visit your brother. Once you stepped inside, you climbed the massive staircase that led you to the second floor and you walked over to stand in front of Namjoon’s secretary’s desk.

“Hi Y/N!” Mina greeted you cheerfully and you couldn’t help but to smile back.

“Hi Mina. Where’s Tae?” You wondered, since Taehyung was Namjoon’s usual secretary.

“He called in with the “flu”,” she giggled. “Though if you ask me, I think he just didn’t want to pull himself away from that Alpha of his.”

“Most likely,” you laughed in agreement. “Is Namjoon here though?”

“Just got here about 20 minutes ago,” she nodded. “Go on in.”

“Thanks,” you said before stepping around the desk and knocking on the door to Namjoon’s office.

“Come in!” You heard him say and you pushed open the door, sticking your head inside a little so that he could see you.

“Busy?” You wondered and he shook his head as he motioned for you to come inside. You did so, making sure to shut the door behind you before you walked over to sit in one of the chairs that sat in front of his desk. You always got a bittersweet feeling whenever you went to visit Namjoon, since his office used to actually be your father’s before he was killed. 

“You know, as your older brother, I’m not even gonna ask why you reek of Min Yoongi because I don’t want to know,” he spoke up before you even had the chance to say anything, which made you smirk as you looked at him.

“Oh please, as many times as Tae and I accidently caught you and Hyo making out when we were teenagers,” you snickered, making Namjoon’s cheeks redden. “You can deal with some scenting.”

“You smell like you did a whole lot more than scenting or making out though,” he laughed and it was your turn for your cheeks to redden. “But what’s up?”

“Well, I wanted to check in with you and see what you thought about Yoongi,” you told him.

“Why would you ask me that?” He wondered with a chuckle as he sat back in his chair. “We both know that you’re gonna do whatever you want regardless of what I may have to say. You always have.”

“Yeah but you’re Pack Alpha and you’re also my only big brother,” you said. “Ideally, I’d like to have your approval.”

“But you don’t need it, given your status within the pack,” he pointed out and you rolled your eyes at him bringing that up.

“Well, give me your opinion according to my new status,” you replied.

“I like him well enough,” Namjoon sighed as he crossed his arms over his chest. “He seems strong and dependable, and he’s a damned good hunter so I know that he’d be able to provide for you and protect you. However, he’s a little on the quiet side.”

“What’s wrong with being quiet?”

“Nothing, if it doesn’t seem like someone is using that to hide something,” Namjoon shrugged. “He seems almost too quiet. Plus, I really wish we knew more about how he ended up almost dead and why whoever did that to him would just leave him there.”

“You think it was his fault?” You questioned with an arched brow.

“No, but you know as well as I do that if a person is thrown out of their pack, most of the reasons behind it aren’t positive ones,” he responded. 

“Still, it probably wasn’t his fault,” you replied.

“Probably, but the possibility is always going to be there until he tells us otherwise,” Namjoon shot back. “You wanted my opinion, that’s a part of it.”

“Hyo said that you said that you thought we’d make a good match though,” you brought up, making Namjoon groan loudly.

“God, I love that woman but she talks too much,” he huffed, making you chuckle. “When I said that, I meant it on the basis of our biology. I almost expected the two of you to be attracted to each other, and I wasn’t at all surprised when you showed up with that necklace on.”

“So you do approve then?” You pressed him.

“Yes Y/N-ah, I approve,” he relented as he rolled his eyes. 

“That’s all I wanted to hear,” you smiled. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he shrugged and it was then that you noticed something in his sandalwood and pine scent was off.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him, and he sighed heavily before telling you.

“Hobi caught some lurkers on the edge of our territory last night,” he revealed, making your eyes widen. 

“Seriously?” You gasped. “You think it’s anything to be concerned about?”

“I think it’s Seo-hyun’s pack,” he confessed and you immediately felt anger cloud your senses once you heard that name. 

“Are you fucking serious?” You spat and Namjoon nodded.

“Seo-hyun has been the one that’s been pressuring the packs around here to fight over territory,” he reminded you.

“Just like he did before the Great Pack War,” you added.

“Exactly, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he sent those lurkers just to test me and see what I would do,” he said.

“Well, what are you going to do?” You wondered.

“I’m still working on that,” he replied honestly. “But whatever I come up with, I’m gonna try not to take it to the extremes of war again. That’s the last thing that this pack or any of the other packs need.”

“Agreed,” you nodded. “Well, I’ll let you get back to work.” You stood up from the chair and after he nodded at you, you turned around and walked towards the door. Just as your hand wrapped around the door knob, Namjoon called out to you.

“Y/N-ah?” He said and you turned around again to look at him. “Your heat’s coming up soon, right?”

“You know, you’ve been Pack Alpha for seven years now but I’ll still never get used to you knowing my heat cycle,” you blushed lightly.

“Trust me, it’s not my favorite piece of knowledge to have but you would’ve had to do it too if you kept your former status,” he pointed out. 

“To answer your question though, yes it’s coming up in like a week or so,” you told him. 

“You should tell Yoongi before then,” he advised you. “You know what I’m talking about?”

“Yeah, I know,” you smiled softly. “I’m gonna tell him. I just...have to figure out how to.”

“I get it,” Namjoon nodded. “Have a good rest of your day Y/N-ah.”

“You too Joon,” you replied before turning around and stepping out of his office, shutting the door behind you.

....................................................................

“Ok, so no offense or anything,” Yoongi began but you interrupted him.

“That’s usually what someone says right before they offend you,” you pointed out, making Yoongi laugh loudly.

“This probably will offend you but I have to say it, it looks like an actual blueberry in here,” Yoongi chuckled as he looked around your cabin. The two of you had been sat on your couch, eating the chili that you had cooked for dinner. This was his first time actually coming inside your house, and you were quickly regretting it.

“Blue is my favorite color,” you muttered petulantly. The walls in your living room were colored in powder blue, with the couch and two easy chairs matching it. Yoongi also couldn’t help but to notice how many vases you had with fresh carnations around as well.

“You like carnations?” Yoongi wondered.

“Love them,” you confirmed with a soft smile. “When I was little, my dad used to always get my mom a fresh bouquet of them every week. I got so used to having them in the house, I decided to keep it going once I got my own cabin.”

“They’re beautiful,” Yoongi said as he extended his arms towards you. You immediately moved closer to him, allowing him to wrap you up into a tight hug. 

“Missed you today,” you murmured as you nuzzled your nose against his scent gland on his neck. 

“I missed you too baby,” he whispered. 

“How was your day?” You questioned. 

“Busy,” Yoongi huffed. “Kibum didn’t feel well today so I ran the hardware shop by myself.”

“Really?” You gasped in surprise. “That’s great.”

“It was nerve wrecking,” he corrected you. “I wouldn’t have even done it if Kibum didn’t basically threaten my life.”

“Yeah, that’s how he gets what he wants,” you giggled. “How did it end up going though, besides being busy?”

“It was...good, actually,” he told you. “Since everyone mostly knows me now, it was smooth sailing.”

“Aw, look who’s a part of the pack now,” you cooed, and Yoongi laughed.

“I didn’t really expect to ever be,” he admitted. “Especially with me being an outsider.”

“Why?”

“Because in my old pack, being kind to each other wasn’t the norm,” Yoongi huffed. “And we definitely didn’t extend kindness to outsiders.”

“But you like it?” You guessed and he nodded.

“I do. I never thought I’d end up here, but I’m glad that I did,” he confessed, taking a second to lean down and press a kiss to the side of your head. 

“I’m glad that you did too,” you smiled. After saying that though, you couldn’t help but to hope that he would react well to your secret whenever you decided to tell him because you really were glad that he was there and you didn’t want to lose him. 

....................................................................

Tag List: @jikook-enthusiasts @veryuniquenamegoeshere @seolarsyj @littlrmills14-blog @preciouschimine @kt-rny @copenhagenspirit

[tv-music]

Umbrella Academy Review 2.01

Right Back Where We Started

I went into Season 1 with very little to no expectations, having no real idea what the show was about. But going into the first episode of the 2nd Season of The Umbrella Academy my expectations were extremely high - and boy it did not disappoint. 

We start this episode pretty much where we left off, with the siblings travelling in time to escape the apocalypse. They land in Texas, all in the same alley but not all in the same year. First off is Klaus and Ben, who find themselves in 1960, then Alison, dropped into 1961, Luther, a year later in 1962 and Diego, Vanya and Five are all dropped into 1963, albeit in completely different months. Vanya is awake when she lands in the alley but understandably is disoriented, she runs in the road and is instantly hit by a car (I say hit, it looks more like a small bump) Five on the other hand lands in the centre of a war zone, with his siblings firmly in the middle of the action. The siblings are all fighting together and all seem as though they are in complete control of their powers (which is a first). Just as Five runs out to join the action, he is stopped by an older looking Hazel, insisting that if he wants to live, he needs to go with him. As Five and Hazel use the suitcase to escape, the rest of the siblings stand together as the world ends once again - phew all that action and already and that's before the credits have even rolled and needless to say, I am excited.

We follow Hazel and Five, back again to the same street, different time, as Hazel explains that the end of the world now takes place in November 1963. He informs Five that they have travelled 10 days earlier and this should be enough time to stop it - I like Hazel but he could have given Five more time surely? It’s a time travelling suitcase after all he could have given him a little longer - a bus stops and 3 white haired men with guns show up clearly looking for Five, Hazel has just enough time to pass the suitcase over and save Five before the men shoot and take him out - I realise Hazel’s story was over but I still didn’t expect them to kill off a main character in the 1st 10 mins of the season. 

With the suitcase destroyed, Five doesn’t have a lot of choice on where to go, after some very astute observations he makes his way up to see the man we saw watching his siblings as they landed - as Five talks to him, he reveals the ‘alien behaviour’ he has seen - giving Five the information he needs so that he knows that his plan may not have gone exactly as he had hoped, but his siblings are alive although they are stranded throughout time, but seeing as though he’s the last to arrive he should be able to find them all. 

We find Diego as an inpatient, clearly still working through his Daddy issues - but Diego’s just playing them, wanting to get discharged earlier than planned - surely he must realise that shouting about how someone’s going to kill the president in 10 days time (is it a coincidence that this is the same day the new apocalypse is due to take place), only makes a case for his stay to be extended. Not long after, Diego’s told he has a visitor and he’s taken to see Five waiting for him. Five explains to him that there’s a new apocalypse and he needs his help, Diego on the other hand is still convinced that he needs to save the president first and Five informs the guards of Diego’s escape plan, leaving him in the hospital.

Diego is placed in a straight-jacket, sedated and placed into a padded room after his visit with Five and even then he is determined to escape. Unfortunately for Diego, the 3 white haired men show up as he is attempting his escape and he ends up being joined by Lila, who saves him from a bully of an employee - Lila's doing well at playing a little less than sane but that’s exactly what I think she’s doing, playing at it. I have no clue how she fits into anything yet but I don’t believe for a second that her being around Diego was a coincidence, as we all know coincidences don’t exist in TV. Diego and Lila, against all odds, manage to evade the men and escape the hospital

Next we see Vanya, she’s living with the woman who knocked her down the day she arrived in the alley and has no memory whatsoever about who she is or how she got there. It’s sad that Vanya doesn’t know who she is but at the same time she seemed happier than we have ever seen her 

Vanya seems to have formed a close bond with Sissy, who seems less than happy with her life - there are definitely vibes between these two 

Klaus and Ben are next up and first things first - Klaus looks incredible! Klaus’s attitude on the other hand doesn’t seem to have changed much and he and Ben seem to need some time apart, which is a shame when your only connection to the physical world is the person you need time apart from. After losing at poker, (mostly due to Ben messing with him) Klaus finds himself in a fight and steals a truck to get back to Dallas - classic Klaus

When we catch up with Alison, she is happily married to Raymond, who seems to really love her. She's used her 2 years to really build a life for herself, and not one that she may want to leave so easily. 

Holding a meeting at a beauty parlor, Alison and her husband are interrupted by a clearly racist man sticking his nose where is doesn’t belong and for that he gets literally kicked to the curb by Alison - good for her, he was an arsehole

Luther is a far cry from the guy we’re used to seeing, when we catch up with him he’s in the middle of what i have to assume is a less than legal fight and seems to have no qualms about hurting people - I have never really connected with Luther and by the end of season 1 I was less than happy with the ridiculous decisions he was making but even I felt sad seeing the change and pure misery on his face. 

To quote Five, Luther’s hovering like an ambitious stripper in a bar when he realises that Five is there, Five makes his second attempt of the day to reunite with one of his siblings and for the second time that day he fails - Luther doesn’t care that the worlds ending and isn’t down to help this time 

We end the episode here, and as the episode title spells out for us, we’re literally back where we started, the siblings separated and only days away from the world ending and just like with the end of the first episode of Season 1, I’m all in 

Extra Thoughts:

Agnes passed away but her and Hazel had 20 years together - I’m glad they got their happy ending

If Vanya has no memories, how does she know her name? Is there something I missed? 

The version of ‘Crazy’ playing while Diego escaped solitary was stunning - the music on this show never disappoints 

None of the siblings have found each other in the time they have been there but Five drops in and finds 2 of them in less than a day - I know that Five is the smarter sibling but how hard did the others really try? 

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Bad Manners (S2, E5)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:35 - Martin totally thought John Watkins abducted and killed Ainsley. Mark my words. 

0:44 - Holy. Shit. Ainsley is FIVE years old (or younger) here right? A five year old with that much determination?!?! She literally stayed silent in that clock for probably hours......and no one was concerned about this kid when Martin was arrested because...?

1:09 - Anyone else impressed with Malcolm’s aim here? Just me?

1:20 - Gil and Malcolm talking about sleep and murder is so freaking sweet. <3 Honestly, they’re acting like friends instead of co-workers and it warms my cold dead heart. 

1:29 - Does Gil become a grumpy old man when he doesn’t get 8 hours sleep? I really want to know now. 

1:39 - OMG. Gil pointing at Ainsley here is hilarious. He’s totally acting like some weird mix of a stern pissed off high-school teacher, and a step-dad trying to discipline an unruly teen. hahaha AND MALCOLM’S FACE. Look how done Malcolm is. He looks so so tired, sad, and exasperated. 

1:44 - Wow. Girl power. Ainsley has those camera guys bending to her will. I honestly would’ve thought they would just read the situation and turn the camera off themselves. 

1:47 - “It’s not a game.” Yikes. I have thoughts about this:

Malcolm is right - it’s not a game. 

Malcolm is a bit of a hypocrite for saying that to Ainsley. Although, to his credit even when Malcolm is excited/inappropriately happy about murder it’s always pretty clear that he thinks murder is wrong, and that he has sympathy for the victims and their families. 

Ainsley does not have that same sympathy for the victims. That much is clear later in this episode. 

Pretty sure the writers are trying to turn Ainsley into a serial killer this season. 

2:13 - “You know I like to share these things with my friends.” .....does this mean Malcolm thinks Dani and JT are his friends now? Last I checked (Ep 1x05) Malcolm didn’t have friends. This absolutely melts my heart. <3 I’m honestly so happy that Malcolm considers someone other than Gil to be his friend.

2:18 - “We lost Dani to vice.” .....What is vice? AND WHAT IS THE REAL LIFE REASON THAT DANI WASN’T IN THIS EPISODE?!? 

2:19 - Edrisa has a medical degree right? She has to know how dangerous consuming that much caffeine is right? Plus aren’t energy drinks super dangerous if you drink a lot of them (or maybe that’s just what adults in my neighbourhood told kids)?

2:30 - Edrisa SHINES in this episode. She’s so funny and awkward and I just love her. 

2:36 - hahaha Gil has adopted the whole team. Look at him throwing the “Dad warning stare” at Edrisa. 

3:31 - Why does Edrisa start bouncing around looking upset when Malcolm says, “rejection is a powerful motivator”?!?! Has she recently been broken up with or something? Is this a reference to how she has a crush on Malcolm (who doesn’t reciprocate)? I WANT MORE INFORMATION.

3:47 - TWIZZLERS!!! <3 Damn I love how this tiny detail about Malcolm’s character keeps coming up. 

3:55 - Ainsley is on a rampage this episode. She’s so determined ...actually she’s acting a lot like Jessica (think girl in the box bracelet). However, unlike Jessica, Ainsley’s motives aren’t about justice or the safety of her loved ones.  Ainsley is chasing personal gain (career) with a side of (a subconscious?) need to be exposed to murder and her father’s twisted world. 

4:05 - This whole interaction between Ainsley and Malcolm is really interesting. Ainsley is knowingly manipulating Malcolm to get the answers she wants. We’ve seen her do it in 2x4 and 1x19. She knows her big brother would do anything for her. It makes sense, they’re five years apart and after the trauma they experienced as children Malcolm felt responsible to protect Ainsley. He never wants to disappoint Ainsley. Not a burden he should’ve had to deal with but I digress. PLUS Malcolm looks weary of Ainsley here. He knows what she’s doing. He’s scared that she’s turning to the dark side. But he still gives her the answers because if he doesn’t - that means something has changed. He thinks that would make Ainsley suspicious and then she might remember what happened to Endicott. He’s scared of and for Ainsley. 

4:32 - OKAY. I’ll say it. The thing that annoys me the most about this episode is that it suggests that Ainsley was a debutant when in 1x6 AINSLEY TELLS MARTIN SHE WAS NEVER A DEBUTANT. She went to etiquette school - I guess that doesn’t strictly mean she also did debutant balls but it sort of suggests it in the context of this episode? Did she actually graduate from the etiquette school (there was bullying, maybe she was expelled/dropped out similar to Malcolm and Remington?)?

4:59 - “No stabbies” OMG. How is this show not classified as a comedy?!? Istg I laugh harder watching this ‘drama’ then I do watching most of the shows that call themselves ‘comedies’.

5:35 - It’s honestly kind of amazing that Ainsley and Malcolm are as ‘sane’ as they are. They were raised by a stubborn predatory psychopath and a stubborn rich meddling socialite. They had no chance of normalcy. Look at the amount of pleasure Martin is currently getting by throwing his son under the bus with regards to Jessica. 

 5:45 - “No actually, I cleaned it up.”.....does this have a dual meaning? Did Martin do something to make Malcolm dispose of the body? We already know that Martin has tried some sort of conditioning on Malcolm (remember ‘C’mon boy!’ from 1x14? The stabbing?). What if Martin said some sort of trigger word to control Malcolm and coerced Malcolm into getting rid of the body? What if this isn’t the first time?

6:05 - Ainsley is a sociopath. I’m calling it again. I called it when I first watched Q&A (1x7) because the way she treated Malcolm was more than just selfish/careless. It was cruel and she didn’t feel any remorse for literally broadcasting her brother’s private health details on television. That is messed up. I honestly won’t be shocked if the writers make Ainsley a full blown serial killers (although I’m not sure I want that because I don’t know how Malcolm would remain the main character if the story goes in that direction?). 

6:12 - Poor Jessica. I honestly feel really bad for her. Sure, she’s a headstrong alcohol dependant crazy rich woman. She also has a good heart. She’s been dealt a pretty shitty hand when it comes to relationships (minus Gil but she ruined that because she’s a MORON) and now she’s terrified that her own children have become monsters and she blames herself. She definitely hasn’t been a perfect mother but I don’t think she’s to blame for Ainsley and Malcolm’s obsession with murder. If these kids had a different bio dad, they would probably just have a low-key drug problem or some other common rich kid baggage. 

6:15 - “You know that’s not how cancer works right?” LOL. hahahaha

6:33 - Martin kind of has a point. There’s no rehab for murder. That’s why he’s been in jail for 20 years and he still wants to kill people. In my opinion, given what we’ve seen of Ainsley’s personality: as soon as she fully remembers that night - she’s gone. She’ll go full serial killer and Jessica and Malcolm will lose her forever. 

6:40 - Jessica’s little jazz hand finger twinkle as she spins on her heel and leaves Martin kills me. It’s so extra. It’s so funny. And it’s sooo Jessica. 

6:47 - Damn. Martin is pissed. I’m worried. That’s murder-level rage. If he escapes ISTG Martin is going to try and kill Gil. For so many reasons 1) because he hates Gil, 2) it’ll hurt Jessica, and 3) killing Gil will eliminate his ‘Dad’ competition. 

6:54 - Edrisa on caffeine is AMAZING.

7:43 - I love Edrisa but her blatant, unreciprocated crush on Malcolm is honestly getting a little creepy. 

7:52 - Gil spent all last season drinking out of a Yankee’s mug. Doesn’t that mean he’s a baseball fan? Why doesn’t he know this pitcher guy?

7:56 - hahahaa “Where is JT?” Because obviously JT is the team sports fan. 

8:22 - Does Gil get nightmares about cases? He always seems really uncomfortable around the dead bodies. 

8:45 - “And suddenly I’m wide awake�� SERIOUSLY - is anyone else laughing every 60 seconds when they watch this show? Is my sense of humour just super dark and messed up?

8:54 - YES. The liquorice is BACK.

9:00 - I love Malcolm talking to JT about his obsession with candy. I love how Malcolm doesn’t even hesitate before giving JT an honest answer. Malcolm is acting like JT’s annoying little brother and I am here for it. One thing I did notice though - Malcolm specifically mentions candy+dopamine but doesn’t mention his depression/anxiety. Processed sugar can be a short-term (unhealthy) way to boost your mood. It’s why some people eat their feelings. I really want more backstory about Malcolm with the lollipops and licorice though. 

9:19 - “But you didn’t do anything wrong.” Awwww Malcolm is so soft here. I love how much he genuinely cares about JT. <3 I love how JT is comfortable enough with Malcolm to give him an honest answer. <3 THEIR RELATIONSHIP HAS GONE THROUGH SUCH A GLOW UP. <3 

9:32 - “Like toy dolls?” hahaha the way Malcolm perked up here. All I could think was “SQUIRREL!” hahaha. 

9:41 - Malcolm is doing better than he has been the past few episodes? I mean he’s still suffering and he’s still in a terrible mental state. BUT he also seems happier? IDK maybe he’s just entered the more manic nervous energy stage of his emotions as opposed to the depressed and scared stage. 

9:49 - “Deep childhood trauma”. So we’re looking for a debutant killer with childhood trauma who is chasing perfection? Debutant = rich lady culture. Like Ainsley. AND Ainsley went to the same etiquette school as the first two victims. The writer’s wanted us to assume the killer was Ainsley for the first 15 mins of this episode right? I’m not the only one seeing it?

10:04 - “My sister went there too.” ....why is there something super attractive about the way that line was delivered?

10:08 - I’m so done with this absolute tom foolery. Why does the team keep splitting up into two teams - where one team is JUST MALCOLM. The one who is unarmed and technically a civilian?!? This makes no logical sense to me (except for plot).

10:25 - Was Martin just about to say, “Just like the old days”?!? Is Martin referring to Endicott? OR is Martin referring to something that Malcolm’s repressed from his childhood?

10:30 - “I always root for the bad guys.” .....finally some truth from Martin.

10:40 - Soooooo I guess Mr. David doesn’t know? I promise you Mr. David has suspicions though. How could he not?!?!

11:24 - “It was brutal for Ains.” Look at how sad Malcolm is! Ugh. This hurts so much. He clearly loves his sister so so much and what she’s done is slowly killing him. I honestly think that part of the reason Malcolm helped Ainsley dispose of the body is that Malcolm doesn’t want to loose his sister. His sister is one of the only good things he’s always been able to count on. If word gets around that she’s a killer - Malcolm’s fragile world gets shattered a little more and I don’t know if Malcolm can recover mentally from that. 

11:36 - “Teasing made her capable of...stuff.” C’MON. There’s no way Mr. David doesn’t know. 

11:45 - Sooo is Martin saying that he recognized that Ainsley was a sociopath when she was a small child? Or did she just respond to his (or John Watkins’) grooming much ‘better’ than Malcolm?

11:56 - “Because she’s her mother’s” Okay. So I see the point. I can see that Ainsley is driven and stubborn like Jessica. BUT it feels like Martin is suggesting that Jessica is capable of murder? Which - I honestly don’t think she is. If anything - Malcolm is more like Jessica than Ainsley is.

11:59 - There was a look in Martin’s eyes when he was comparing Ainsley to Jessica that really freaked me out. I can’t figure out why. It makes me wonder if Martin still somehow views Jessica as ‘his possession’ (he refers to her as his wife all the time but I always assumed that was just to get a rise out of people?). Martin’s dream from 2x4 certainly suggests that he still wants Jessica romantically. I honestly think he’s going to try to escape and rekindle the romance with Jess; and it’s going to go very poorly when Jessica rejects him. 

12:06 - Preach JT. Preach. This is creepy af. 

13:00 - Ugh. Of course this creep has a history of indecent exposure. Now I understand why Gil and JT were hostile with the dude right from the start. 

13:12 - Man. People will use the Bible to justify anything. No wonder people hate Christians ( I say this as a practicing Christian).

13:18 - JT is such a good dude. I’m so glad he’s a dad now. <3 He’s going to be such a good one. <3

13:26 - “One phone call and this place will be shut down.” OH SHIT. GIL THAT IS VICIOUS AND I RESPECT THE SHIT OUT OF IT.

13:35 - I soooo thought that dude was going to sprint out of that room. 

14:30 - THIS. YES. This is why I have a problem with Ainsley’s enthusiasm for murder vs. Malcolm’s. Ainsley’s enthusiasm is centred on her nee to ‘get the story’. She’s obsessed with forwarding her career and as a result she’s treating crime like a competitive sport. Malcolm’s obsession (while it can border on creepy and reckless) is always centred on his need to find the killer and stop the murders. Malcolm is seeking justice and his heart is in the right place. I can’t say the same for Ainsley.

14:31 - “We’re brother and sister, everything is a competitive sport”.....whoever wrote this doesn’t have a sibling they experienced trauma with as a kid (and as a result was raised by a single parent). Seriously, my dad was abusive he lived with us until I was 10 and my brother was 7. Then my parents got divorced and my mom was a single parent (he didn’t pay child support or see his kids after the divorce). Are my brother and I competitive? Sure sometimes. But the way we grew up forced us to become partners. Annoyed with Mom? Let’s rant about it together. Is he struggling in math? I’ll tutor him in exchange for a Reese cup. Am I struggling at daycare because I have massive social anxiety? He’ll include me in whatever he’s doing so I’m not sitting alone in a corner. My point: siblings who experience trauma together don’t have the typical sibling relationships that are widely televised in North America. There’s a lot less fighting and competition and a lot more teaming up and commiserating. 

14:39 - “It. It’s terrible.” - Notice how Ainsley didn’t actually say how it made her feel? She gave the standard “TV response” to a murder “a terrible/horrific/tragedy has occurred”. She doesn’t feel bad that these women are dead. She’s too consumed with getting a story to even stop and let herself feel anything. I’ve been saying it since last season - the way Ainsley shows no regard for other people and their feelings when she’s obsessed with her job is concerning. 

14:50 - “Remind me of the people who cut us off after Dad’s arrest.” ...Are you kidding me?!? The whole fandom has been speculating about this since early season one and they’re not going to elaborate on that line?!? I’m going to need some more information about this and it better be in the upcoming episode where Jessica’s younger sister appears. 

15:40 - She thinks of her students as family? Sooo what does she think of Ainsley? Wasn’t Ainsley bullied at this school? Did she do anything about it? 

16:00 - this is like a ‘weekend/evening school’ right? Kids aren’t living in this house like a boarding school/summer camp?

16:01 - “Mr. Whitly” UGH. This bitch preaches etiquette and she doesn’t even have the common courtesy to call Malcolm by the name with which he introduced himself? Nah. I don’t like her. 

16:13 - Ugh. Ainsley, seriously? Why don’t you help your brother solve the case. AND PREVENT MORE MURDERS. Why are you indirectly but purposely obstructing justice?

16:37 - “Of course.” Huh. Do you think Martin might try and manipulate Ainsley into killing Malcolm? Ainsley definitely capable of it. She doesn’t actually seem to care about Malcolm nearly as much as he cares about her. 

17:17 - WTF?!? That’s creepy af. How did no one in this show think this assistant was a suspect? She has a super creepy doll that she ‘forgot’ on the floor the middle of a hallway. AND THE DOLL WAS STANDING UP. Not sitting, not dropped carelessly, STANDING UP.

17:30 - Look at Malcolm’s face. He’s definitely going to be having nightmares about that doll. 

18:25 - OMG. This was amazing. JT just totally bulldozed his way into catching that dude. Very badass. Also kind of funny (maybe that’s just my messed up sense of humour again?).

18:44 - Ugh. This dude has a thing for dolls. I don’t want to kink shame but - no. no. There’s something really gross about that.  

18:48 - I’ve seen some people say that this doll looks like Ainsley and how that’s supposed to be some sort of foreshadowing/symbolism. I kind of see it? I mean the hair colour is similar and if you pause the screen at 18:48 the angle kind of looks like Ainsley? It would be an interesting metaphor though - Ainsley played with dolls as a little girl. John Watkins gave her angel statues. She is Watkins’ and Martin’s doll’ in the sense that she was the object that murders manipulated/groomed. 

18:53 - Then again, pause the screen here and there’s something about the facial structure that looks like Dani to me. 

19:00 - Jessica lets Ainsley work in the murder office?!? No. No she doesn’t. This is garbage. Jessica would’ve forbade it. Jessica would’ve bordered up this room immediately after Watkins.

19:57 - Poor Jessica. She’s clearly terrified that she’s losing Ainsley and terrified of Ainsley. BUT Jess, sweetie, running to Europe won’t fix this. 

20:16 - “She wanted the dolls to look like her students.” AND PEOPLE SEND THEIR CHILDREN TO HER?!? WTF?!? NO. NO. NO. NOT OKAY. 

20:31 - HAHA look at Gil’s face when Trevor tells him he can make the ‘perfect woman’. Gil’s like WTF - can I arrest you for thinking you can fabricate a ‘perfect woman’?!!?

21:06 - Malcolm is having so much fun playing with Trevor’s doll head. Look at how excited he is. It’s kind of adorable but his manic energy is showing which is concerning. 

21:10 - Why is Trevor giving his doll fancy 1940s(ish) names? 

21:31 - Props to LDP. I honestly believed Gil was annoyed with Malcolm for barging in on the interrogation the first time I watched this. 

21:42 - “They got a word for everything.” hahaha OMG. This is so reminiscent of a teenager explaining some new tech to their tech-illiterate parents. 

22:00 - I can’t tell if Gil feels sorry for this creep or if he just thinks the dude is really gross. Probably a mixture. 

23:00 - Oh we’re bringing up the chloroform again. At least Malcolm knows not listen to Martin about this nonsense. 

23:25 - “It doesn’t feel fun.” - THIS. This is why I honestly don’t think Malcolm will ever become a serial killer. His guilt complex is just too big.

23:56 - Are. You. Kidding. Me? This is next level. Ainsley is so out of line here. AND SHE SHOWS NO REMORSE. SHE DOESN’T THINK SHE’S DONE ANYTHING WRONG. THIS GIRL HAS GONE DARK SIDE (she was already halfway there).

24:17 - I’m getting papa!Gil vibes when Gil is talking to Ainsley and I want more scenes of them interacting. Seriously, did Gil have a relationship with Ainsley when she was a kid? I MUST KNOW.

24:45 - Ainsley has no conscience. I honestly don’t think Ainsley has a conscience. 

25:00 - “Who is that!?” Malcolm is totally acting like he’s Ainsley’s father-figure right now. I’m here for it. 

25:22 - SORE LOSERS?!? I’m sorry. What? If you weren’t concerned about Ainsley you damn well should be now. That is seriously messed up. People are dead. This is not a game. Do you know who else thought murder was a game? Martin Whitly.

25:31 - Okay. Ainsley has a point. Malcolm lecturing anyone about being reckless is pretty hypocritical. But at least Malcolm cares about her. 

25:54 - Heart. Shattered. Look at how terrified Jessica is. Look at how gentle and reassuring Gil is. UGh. WHY DID SHE BREAK UP WITH HIM??! I mean, I know why I just think she’s a moron for doing it. 

26:00 - Poor Gil. He’s so confused and so concerned. The whole Whitly family is acting crazier then usual and he doesn’t know why. 

26:11 - “Both you and Malcolm are at an 11 and I’ve never seen Ainsley like that.” FIND YOURSELF A MAN WHO CARES LIKE GIL AND NEVER LET HIM GO. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Seriously. The love and concern he shows for this family warms my cold dead heart. 

26:16 - “Her father?!” Oh shit. Now Gil knows there’s something BIG happening. Jessica would never run to Martin unless she absolutely had to. 

26:19 - annnnd Gil’s also being a prideful man who’s feeling are hurt. “You went to him?” He’s right to be though - the woman he loves went to a serial killer for advice before going to the guy who practically co-parented with her. 

26:33 - “I’m here. Whatever you need. I’m here.” <3 <3 Gil is the definition of a good man. <3 I’m in love with it. 

26:48 - “You were right on time for me.” ....*snort* subtle Gil (and in front of JT!!)

27:08 - Edrisa is hysterical on caffeine. hahaha. This whole scene is perfect. 

27:20 - You know someone is acting manic when Malcolm Bright is concerned about their eccentric behaviour. 

27:34 - Annnnnd Tom Payne was a split second from breaking character here. I don’t blame him. hahaha

28:05 - EDRISA flipping and dropping that pencil. HAHAHAHAHAHA

29:10 - “Absolutely not.” hahaha this is funny but also really sweet. Malcolm knows that Edrisa hopped up on caffeine isn’t safe to have near an active killer. Who knows what’ll happen. I wish he’d care that much about his own well being. Looks like calling for backup last episode was a one time thing. 

30:37 - I’ll give the writers one thing - Miss Windsor makes a convincing murder suspect.

31:22 - GIL. STANDING. UP. FOR. JT. IS. EVERYTHING. Where is O’Malley’s back up? Oh yeah, they’re not brave enough to defend him.

32:00 - Huh. Bright texted for backup. This is growth. I’m proud of him. 

32:15 - YES. This JT arc was handled right. Sure JT could’ve complained. It would’ve been episodes upon episodes of bureaucratic nightmares and injustice. This show isn’t about racism. They showed enough to portray that the system is broken and they had JT act like a responsible adult. It’s not fair that JT had to go through this or that he’ll likely experience something similar to it again. But the fact that JT is acting like a bigger person is perfect. JT will protect his family. Always. That includes Malcolm. So JT avoids putting through a formal complaint because he knows that will take time away from doing his job, from protecting others, from hanging out with his wife and kid. JT’s taking the higher road, it might not be gratifying or fair but I respect the hell out of him for taking it. 

32:28 - Gil is so so proud of JT. Look at him. <3 <3 

33:40 - Look, Miss Windsor is a bit of a stuck up bitch but she has a good heart. Look at the way she immediately tells Malcolm where Ainsley is when she realizes what’s happening. 

34:14 - This confused me during the first watch - Ainsley obviously didn’t drink any tea - so why is she drugged? (obviously I know now). 

34:17 - Big brother Malcolm frantically looking for Ainsley is so so sweet. <3 

35:42 - The music, the dolls, and Miss Windsor’s speech here. There’s something about this part of the episode that is strangely reminiscent of 5x16 of Criminal Minds.

36:20 - ......does Miss Windsor have some sort of mental illness? She’s talking to herself and ranting erratically. Is this just emotional stress or something deeper?

37:00 - This is why Malcolm’s not a serial killer. Even now- looking at a killer - he’s trying to sympathize with her. He’s trying to understand why. He’s trying to calm her down, diffuse the threat, and get her mental help. 

39:00 - Oh yeah. Ainsley was definitely going to kill without remorse. Again. I’ve seen some theories that Ainsley only ever tries to kill to protect Malcolm. I disagree. I think Ainsley’s trying to protect herself. Ainsley is pissed off that this girl tried to drug her and kill her because she thinks Ainsley is wicked. Ainsley was pissed at Endicott for whatever he did to Ainsley before Malcolm got there. I think Ainsley felt threatened and scared so she reacted. I don’t think this has anything to do with protecting Malcolm.

39:41 - Malcolm isn’t a killer. Look. He smells gas but he takes the time to carry an unconscious murderer (who literally just tried to kill his sister) out of the building. 

40:00 - The drama. Holy hell. What a weird ending to this case.

40:48 - Who gave Ainsley a police jacket and let her keep it?

41:14 - She almost died and she’s still obsessing over ‘winning’. This is seriously unstable behaviour. Way more concerning than anything Malcolm’s done since 2x1. 

41:45 - “My father was a serial killer also.” Anyone else super irritated by that phrasing?!?  Just me?!? Something about the ‘also’ feels super wrong to me.

41:53 - Oh sweetie. I’d argue that you are more messed up than Malcolm. 

42:06 - Jessica went to see Martin twice in one episode. THIS IS BAD.

42:15 - “Maybe even more so than Malcolm if that’s possible.” Jessica knows her kids. I’m on her side here. 

42:20 - Martin is way too happy about Ainsley showing signs of serial killing. 

42:30 - Jessica? You married an act. That man never existed. He’s always been a serial killer. You just didn’t know it. He’s manipulative and you were a victim to it. 

42:50 - “A partner.” OH THIS IS NOT GOING TO END WELL. ESPECIALLY FOR THE GIL/JESSICA ARC.

Okay....so definitely the weakest episode of the season so far. AND the fact that we got no mention of Tally and/or the baby this episode is a crime. 

BUT I’M SO SO SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT EPISODE. It’s going to be a televised fanfic and I can’t wait. 

[xcactusarto]

Heaven Help Me

an Aoyama Yuga x Iida Tenya university au fic

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33615358

Summary:

What would happen if you found out the person that ordered art prints from you is the guy you’ve been interested in and lives 2 dorms away from you?

Poor Aoyama is denying his feelings from all the times boys broke his little heart, but this guy seems different and became even more special after Aoyama finds out this dude is a big fan of his art! Will he deliver the art prints himself or just leave the package at his door?

Part 1 / ?

Chapter 2 -

Aoyama was anxious to spill the tea on what had just happened to Bakugou once he could go back to his dorm. Even if he was excited to spill the beans, his stomach was not in good shape. He knew this feeling all too well.

He wanted it gone.

Aoyama arrived 5 minutes late after having to change routes and hiding between the bushes next to the art building to throw up dramatically. Thankfully his teacher was late so he could calm down and sit down. Aoyama felt seasick despite only having butterflies. Throw up could happen or the shits. ‘Not in this outfit’ Aoyama thought as he gripped his phone. The class only lasts 30 mins. Since his teacher was late probably less. Maybe he could text Bakugou about how sick he felt maybe they could walk together to the dorms.

.

.

.

Baku dear! My stomach is being very bitchy ~(>_<~) could you pick me up???

.

.

.

.

5 mins passed and Bakugou didn’t answer. Nor did the teacher show up yet. Aoyama looked around and his classmates looked confused as well. Aoyama looks a little to his right and whispers to his classmate.

“Dear, uh do you know if we had class today?”, his classmate looked at him and whispered back.

“Gurlie I’m not gonna lie, this is the first time in the semester I have come to class”, The classmate giggled and said,” Oh, but dude your outfit is hella cute”. Aoyama smiles at his classmate. A girl with a pink afro, a pink headband that made the knotted ends look like horns on her head, and hazel eyes.

“Oh thank you! But I gotta say you look absolutely dashing! Love the colors!”, Aoyama looked at his classmate up and down scanning her outfit. A blue tie-dye crop top with purple spots that went down to her chest. A black bralette under and some pastel yellow sweatpants that gave Aoyama the idea that she could be a dancer. White sneakers with colorful shoelaces. “What’s your name dear?”, Aoyama asked smiling. A small link formed and it was the start of a very nice and stylish friendship.

“Mina Ashido! And you?”, Mina said excitedly as she almost jumped from her seat. She could see this dude could be a great way to pass the class without having to show up. “Yuga Aoyama. Pleased to meet you.” Aoyama and Mina chatted as they waited for their teacher to show up. Slowly the people around them would get up and leave or just chat with each other. The silence of the room cleared up as Mina and Aoyama laughed and talked about their passion for fashion and their hobbies. Aoyama’s perception of Mina was right, she was a Dance major. She was currently doing ballet because she didn’t want her parents to know she was an underground street dancer. On the other hand, Mina learned Aoyama was a digital artist and even got to see some of his pieces. Both were very passionate and frankly, they could be each other’s moral support.

“Hey how about we exchange numbers?”, Mina said and quickly looked around. They were the only ones in class. The classroom was empty and the clock ticking at the front of the class. The class had just ended. Maybe coming to class wasn’t so bad since Aoyama was here. They both looked at each other and laughed. Aoyama’s butterflies were gone and Mina took away his anxiety of shitting himself.

“Yeah that would be wonderful”, Aoyama and Mina then tapped their phone and so they could now talk to each other without having to be in class. Maybe even hang out sometime. As they walked to the door and parted ways Aoyama could notice Bakugou never replied, but his bitch ass left Aoyama on seen. Aoyama was used to it and knew Bakugou would come. Bakugou often forgot to reply , but would do stuff Aoyama texted him to do or asked.

Aoyama waited outside the building for a while. He then sat down and looked at his phone. Scrolled down on his Twitter and Instagram timeline for some time. Aoyama then let out a sigh and got up. He then plugged in his earphones and as he was about to walk away his dorm neighbor called out to him. “Aoyama-kun! Wait up”, A slightly freckled buff guy with green fluffy curly hair called out to him. He wasn’t very stylish , but was always kind to Aoyama. Even though at one point our little Aoyama stalked him because he wanted to be friends with him. I mean he needed a reference for his styling assignment and he was perfect for the outfit. Aoyama stood there and waited for him to catch up to him. “Did class just finish for you too?”, The green-haired hunk asked Aoyama. Aoyama looked at him and explained his situation of waiting for Bakugou.

“Ah, Kacchan didn’t come to pick you up? I can walk you then since we are going to the same dorms!”, his dorm neighbor was always a lifesaver. “Denki is probably at our dorm so I can text him if he can check if Kacchan is there”.

“Please Midori! I’m worried he is oversleeping again. Which I doubt it...He’s probably working out”, Aoyama said as he locked arms with his neighbor. Midoriya Izuku or as Bakugou called him, ‘Deku’, shared a room with Denki Kaminari. Both Midoriya and Denki were his dorm neighbors and often came to watch movies or just help Aoyama with styling assignments. Midoriya was known by the fashion majors as the guy that wore weird shirts. Today he was wearing a pastel blue pullover that had ‘tiny weenie baby’ on it. Aoyama wanted to chuckle , but decided to hold it in. Midoriya’s boyfriend could probably say that was true. They walked to the dorms and as soon as Aoyama got close to the door he slammed it open.

“BITCH YOU HAD ME WAITING FOR 20 MINS OUTSIDE!”, Aoyama said hand still on the door. Midoriya looking over Aoyama’s shoulder. They had caught Bakugou at a...uh special moment.

“CAN’T YOU KNOCK?!”, Bakugou shouted back as he was making out with a purple-haired dude that looked exhausted. Bakugou was still in pajamas while the other was dressed like an e-boy that had just come out of hot topic after his mother had given him an allowance of $10 to spend on my chemical romance merch. That emo boy was Shinso Hitoshi, Bakugou’s boyfriend, and Aoyama’s ex-boyfriend which actually ended well with no heartbreak. I mean they lasted 1 week. Midoriya sneakily walking away then bumped into Denki who was joined by his dark-haired friend. Aoyama looked behind him and immediately then pulls Midoriya as to show proof in an Ace Attorney game.

“I can’t believe poor little Midori had to take time out of his day to walk me back!” Aoyama said as he hugged Midoriya with puppy eyes.

“W-Well uh technically I was walking back so might as well accompany him, right?” Midoriya nervously smiled as Denki walked into the room and held in the laughter he had from seeing Bakugou slightly flustered from being caught getting it on with Shinso. Bakugou then of course starts arguing with Deku as if Deku was the one at fault. Oh well, Aoyama needed to spill the beans on the guy he saw and interacted with so he gathered Denki, Shinso, and Denki’s friend who was just watching the chaos happening in a room full of gays. Except for Denki he had a girlfriend. I mean he isn’t straight, but bisexual so yeah a gay too. Aoyama shoved them to the other side of the room onto his bottom bunk. They all proceeded to sit down and let Aoyama sit cross-legged in the middle while he held a pillow.

“Oh my gosh, guys please help me snap out of these feelings I’m having! I’M GONNA DIE!”, Aoyama said as he swung his arms around dramatically.

“Is he gonna scooter ankle or is he being dramatic?” Denki’s friend leaned over and whispered in Denki’s ear.

“No Sero, he is just being dramatic about something .”, Shinso said as they looked at Aoyama giving them puppy eyes. Sero Hanta, Denki’s friend who was wrapped up in this situation. Sero is a black-haired dude with a nice wide smile. He often just wore pullovers and looked like those dudes that sits right in front of you in computer class and just watching memes or editing Shrek on Ronal McDonald’s body. Those dudes are pretty chill once you start talking to them.

“Just let him spill the tea guys. I wanna know what made him so anxious”, Denki said as he nudged both of the boys to listen.

“So I was walking to class alright?? And then and then I bumped into this guy while I was checking the time on my phone! And then bam this dude was holding me so sweetly and he was so strong might I add!!”, Aoyama said excitedly as he gripped the pillow close to his chest. The boys on the other hand looked at him. Maybe he’s being dramatic, Denki thought. The room of course was still noisy while Aoyama spilled his feelings on the hunk of a man that literally held him as if it was a shojo manga.

“And then he even HELD MY HAND!! MY PRECIOS HAND TO HAND ME MY PHONE!! He also told me to be careful and walked away as if nothing happened!!”, Aoyama sighs after this and just lets his body lay on the boys legs as he dramatically puts his left arm over his face.

“Well, that was something. How did he look like wey?”, Sero asked as he held Aoyama’s arm away from his face. Denki and Shinso nodded. Aoyama then puts a finger on his lips and thinks for a little. “Mind if I sketch him out?” Aoyama says as he signals Shinso to pass him his sketchbook.

After a few minutes, he then shows the boys as he had decided to sit between Denki and Sero. “He looked like this!! He had some weird eyebrows that looked like the Nike symbols!”, Aoyama pointed at the drawing. The boys felt like they had seen him before. They just couldn’t find this dude’s name in the glossary of their minds.

“Isn’t that Iida-kun?”

[emeraldgenevieve]

Okay so birth story...

We went to bed about 11pm on the 10th August not really thinking much about labour for the first time in weeks. We'd had a few bad night's sleep in a row and that night we just wanted to get to bed early and rest, but baby had other plans! I woke up shortly after midnight to this gush and quickly realised my waters had broken in my sleep! Even though it was obvious, I still had that fear of maybe I've just wet myself but we called the community midwife and she arranged to come out and check. Once the midwife got to our house she decided to do a vaginal examination just to see where I was. At that point I was 2cm so she gave me a little sweep. She was so lovely and stayed with us until about 3:30am to do checks and see if any contractions would kick in but when they didn't, she left arranging to come back at 6:30am to check me again. We headed up to bed, thinking that nothing would probably happen, but then I woke up around 6:15am experiencing a painful contraction. From that point my contractions started around every ten minutes and they stayed that way until about 10:30 when they were getting closer to one every 5 minutes and then they pretty much stayed that way. I was on the ball, I tried having a bath to ease the pain but nobody considered this to be real labour by any means.

As my waters had ruptured, I was required to go into the hospital after 18 hours to be assessed for any signs of infection so we began to discuss whether or not we should just book into the hospital to deliver there. By this point I had switched to a different midwife, who was also very lovely and very supportive of our decision, whatever it would end up being. She decided that she would leave again and come back at 2:30pm to assess us again and get our final decision about where to birth. We talked it over and decided that maybe by that point a hospital birth was our safest option. We were already concerned at the ambulance service had pulled their support of home births and now that we weren't low risk anymore, we couldn't justify staying at home. When the midwife came back we told her we'd like to book into the hospital and just stay there after 6pm to deliver.

My contractions were still about every 5-7 minutes as we waited for 6pm, slowing down a little during the journey to the hospital but picking up soon after we arrived. I was admitted to a fetal assessment unit were they wanted to continuously monitor the baby for a while, which I was happy with at first. For the first few hours of our time in the hospital, we mostly we're just waiting for then to take me to the delivery suite, but they checked me again and I was only 4-5cm. My contractions were getting stronger but still only every 5 minutes. By about 10pm I was beginning to really struggle with the pain. The midwife had changed at 9pm and decided to monitor me again, which meant I was immobile for all my contractions. She told me it would only be for 45 minutes but ended up leaving me on there until 11:30pm. I was struggling with my contractions pretty much this whole time. I was at the point of crying and shouting during the worst of them. It wasn't even the pain from the contractions, it was this horrible, consistent pain that I was having at the front of the very bottom of my uterus which was becoming unbearable during the strong contractions. I kept telling the midwife that something was wrong, my uterus felt like it was going to rip and tear at the front but she just thought I was having a normal labour. By 11:30pm I was in so much distress that she let me off the monitor and checked me again. I was 6cm and she finally decided to consult the doctor, who agreed I could be allowed to move to the labour ward.

By this point I was in agony. I just wanted some pain relief and I felt so disheartened as everyone kept telling me it wasn't real labour and made me feel like I was just being dramatic. I've given birth twice before, I know it wasn't normal but still no one believed me. By the time I got into the labour ward I just wanted some gas and air. I was in so much pain. The ache was constant and just building and with each contraction it felt like my baby's head was going to rip through my stomach. Still no one believed me but I didn't care. By 1am the midwives were concerned. I wasn't letting up about the pain I was having and it was just getting worse. They started to listen and began to think I was maybe having a bladder issue and so, called the consultant in. I was very lucky in that the consultant had actually been seeing me in the last few weeks of my pregnancy and had been supporting my home birth and was well aware of the kind if birth I wanted. He at first suggested an epidural, as he thought I was struggling with contraction pains. After I refused he examined me and we finally found the cause of the problem.

I was 8cm but baby was not in the correct position. It turns out baby was back to back and forehead presenting. The consultant had to have his hand inside me for about 7 minutes feeling around, waiting for contractions etc. to be sure, which was agony. At this point everything changed. He pretty much told me we have three options. Either I try mobilising and changing positions (I was being monitored continuously), he could try to manually turn the baby from the inside, or I could have a C-section. I was dead set against a C-section so I decided to get on my knees on the bed and try different decisions. I was in so much pain at this point but I'm terrified of having a C-section after I had three failed epidurals in my first labour. Once I changed position, I began to feel like I needed to push. I could feel his head coming down and and I was not coping well. The nurses didn't believe me and basically just told me I was wrong. I kept insisting but they weren't having it.

Finally after about another 10 mins they decided to examine me. This time they said I was 6cm and that my cervix was still thick on one side and there was absolutely no way I was ready to push. They wanted me to flip on to my side in the hope it would fix my cervix and maybe relieve some of the pressure. At this point that midwives switched and the new midwife must have glanced at the notes and seen that I was 6cm and still only contracting 3 in 10 and she was trying to be a real hard ass about it. She kept trying to take the gas and air off me, telling me I was delirious and I'd had too much and there was no way I was ready to push. At this point I'd been fighting my body for about 20 minutes thinking that if I let myself push I could do damage to the baby as I still thought he was in the wrong position.

Once this new midwife came in and started fighting with me it was like a switch flipped. My husband started telling her to leave me alone and listen to what I had to say. He was telling her I wasn't delirious I was in pain and I knew my body, I'd done this before. Finally hearing someone validate what I was feeling must have just let me relax that little bit and my body literally started trying to expel the baby. I can't even describe it I still wasn't actively pushing because I didn't know if I should but my stomach was convulsing it was like I was vomiting I couldn't control it all.

Finally the midwife looked and saw head! She told me to start pushing. Two minutes later I was crowning. Another two minutes and the head was delivered with the body following one minute after making a whopping 5 minutes of active pushing.

Once baby was delivered, they placed him up on to my chest immediately. I'm not going to lie I don't remember much of it. I remember Evan crying and getting emotional and he just kept saying, "you did it" but I wasn't even sure it was real. It all happened so fast I kind of thought that I was dreaming it and I still had to go through it. I was shaking so uncontrollably that I almost thought I would have to pass the baby to my husband to hold. I was just broken. The midwives still had to deliver my placenta, which only took another 10 minutes but I was definitely more aware of the pain this time, I was still using the gas and air to cope. Once the placenta was delivered, they began to check if I needed any stitches. Surprisingly, I didn't but they did find a large blood clot which they had to remove and it was so painful! It just felt like the pain was never ending.

After this, they finally left us alone for a while. I finally started to process what had happened. I had done it, it was real he was here and perfect. All 8lb 13oz of him. I couldn't believe the doctors were ever concerned about his size, it just goes to show how wrong the ultrasound can be.

[xxxtwilightaxelxxx]

Hello 🥰 I wanna know your best stories from working in retail please!

OKAYYYYYY I HAVE BEEN MEANING TO REPLY TO THIS FOR AGES LONG. So I'm bad with remembering stuff so I won't be able to think of everything so I'll think of the ones that come to my head, they will mainly be about horrible customers lol

1: we've had ppl come in here thinking its the shop next door because we as connected and wear similar colours so ppl ask me where stuff is and the website they show me is for the other one, or ppl coming up to me to ask about where to return something to see the item has a big sticker with the other shops name on it and tell them its next door, or they think theres only one shop and its just massive.

2: When first lockdown happend we only allowed people who came in for essentials and I had to refuse someone because he wanted to buy a background for his fish tank.

3: I've had someone who didn't believe in co vid and thought it was a conspiracy, that person really freaked me out

4: One customer wanted to return a toilet seat and for about 20 min assured herself and us she got it here, but I had worked in that department before and knew I had never seen that before, even checking the website for customer services since I was in the area, in the end she was given a number to call but when she came back in after putting it in her car apparently her bf said she got it from b&q.

5: Someone recently asked me if we sold paper to wrap fish and chips in..we do not

6: THE AMOUNT OF TIMES I'VE BEEN ASKED WHERE SOMETHING IS AND ITS BEHIND THEM ON A MASSIVE STAND OR LITERALLY BY THEIR FACE!!!

7: The anger I get over ppl who don't cover their entire faces or just don't wear one.

8: Asked a manager to talk to a couple because they were rude to me about wearing a face mask and they ended up shouting at him and were gonna sue him XD

9: We've had multiple floods....all while I'm not there. One happened hours before my shift so when I came in there was water still on the floor, the another time the day I started my holiday. We had one after builders came in and spent like over a month on it. But I think we now have monthly ppl who come in a check it and clear the pipes and the roof.

10: Have stopped ppl from stealing, such as there was a girl who for months came in and then left like 20 seconds latter but I was either by the door for customers or only saw her as she was leaving, finally stopped her a couple of weeks ago and said how I've been watching her for months and next time she comes in she pays for what she got (it was crisps) she hasn't come in since.

11: So I can also cut material like curtains and table cloth, someone asked for 20 metres of something but after I had rolled it all out it only went up to 15 so after she left I had to re roll it again ;_;

12: My only feedback I've since I've worked there was recently and they couple wrote a hand written note to the store about how well I did in helping them and it was very touching and nothing beats a hand written note :)

13: Had to help customer services because they wanted to double check a price for a customer who bought tablecloth and it came to £26 (this is the one we cut on a roll) and it was 13 per metre, he I guess assumed it was one of the £4 ones, when his wife came and he told her...she blew her lips, argring with him about how he spent 26 fucking quid, how she wants to return it and get her money back but they can't cause its policy, and how it wasn't clear where each roll has a ticket next to them and she was really angry and when we and someone tried to explain she thought we were arguing with her, she called the store later to talk to the store manager and apparently was crying and something about how they needed the money but the manager said the same thing, once its cut it can't be returned or exchanged since he saw them cut it and he picked it out, which the manager said so its not our thought its his.

And one more, 14: I once took like four pizzas home because they bought pizza as thankyou over something and by the end of the day there was so much left, and they were doing it again for the people the next day so I asked if I could take what was left since no one else was so yeah I had pizza a lot over those days XD

@chelleztjs18 you said you wanted to read them :)

[hyunnie-bunches]

Bloodsuckers I

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Genre: Supernatural AU, angst?

Pairing: Vampire!Baekhyun x Reader

Word Count: 2404

A/N: This gets kinda graphic with the descriptions of violence so proceed with caution.

It’s 7 PM. The sun set 15 minutes ago and the sky is still full of dim blue light. It’s my fourth round around the area. I’m getting impatient but I try my best to keep my features trained to innocence. It is just as I’m turning a corner to start my fifth round that I sense the first movement behind me. The excitement almost makes me falter, but I maintain my pace. I head in the direction of my rental place.

I don’t hear another sound, not even the soft footfalls for a solid 10 minutes. Had I imagined the sound before? Had this stupid circling made me crack so now I was making things up? What could I do though? If I circled back around and he was following me, he would get suspicious. Even if someone was following me, there was no guarantee it was him. I had tried my best to be alluring yet subtle. Little cuts over my legs and upper arms - just enough to get the scent of blood out in the air, but not make it too obvious.

If my research had been right, he would wait until I’m home to attack. He liked to leave his victims’ dead bodies in their own homes. I quicken my pace a little bit. It was out of excitement for hopefully it would read as nerves at being out late.

I reach the door and pretend to fumble around for my keys in my bag. I feel his presence behind me a second before he reaches to grab me. I duck instantly. Not expecting me to be prepared, he falters for a moment in surprise. One moment is all I need. I twist around and kick at his legs, making him fall right against the main door. He screams a little at the unexpected contact. The steel plate I had placed there before leaving had done its job. I smile internally as I reach for the blade I had attached at my thigh. I am up and my hand his gripping the back of neck before he has even moved away from the door.

“Wai-“ he starts, but I am faster than him. I have stabbed him through the heart before he completes his sentence. He falls to the floor. The blade wasn’t steel so eventually, he would heal but it would still take a while. I pull another blade, this one steel, and stab his leg, deep, to make sure he won’t be going anywhere for a while. Then, I head inside.

I have the set up ready already. I grab the steel chain and wrap it around his neck, dragging him inside. I lift him to the chair and continue to wrap the chain around his body. It’s only after I am done that I look up at his face. For a second, I am taken aback. Half his face is an angry red color from where it hit the steel, but he is beautiful. I shake my head to clear it. This was some evolution thing. He was beautiful so he could attract victims. He was no more than a predator.

But tonight, he would be my prey. He is breathing hard. He looks to be in actual pain. Good, I think, pulling out the steel blade from where I had stuck it in his thigh. I had other blades of course, but I’ve learned there’s something about seeing their own blood covering a weapon that gets people talking a lot faster.

I take a step back and lean against the counter facing him.

“Byun Baekhyun.” I say, a smile playing at my lips. “The elusive vampire they call the Ghost.” I stop playing with the knife and raise a brow. In a flash, the blade is flying out of my hands and embedding into the wood above his shoulder. A drop of blood rolls down his shoulder from where the knife has grazed his grazed lightly. “You seem pretty corporeal to me.” He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t look at me. He doesn’t even fight his bonds.

“Oh, come on now, don’t be like that. Aren’t you curious why you’re here? In this…predicament?” He keeps his mouth shut. I get off the counter and start walking around him.

“See, Baekhyun, I need you.” I pull the blade out from the chair. “Well, I need a vampire, but once I got to know about you. Ooooo” I run my blade against his jaw, leaving a red line in its wake. “I just couldn’t resist the challenge. Though I have to admit, catching you was a lot easier than expected. But breaking you? Hmm. That might yet provide some fun.”

I complete my circle around him and face him once again. “So what do you say Baekhyun? Are we doing this the easy way? Or the fun way?”

“What do you want?” He grits out.

“So he does talk.” I pause again. “I want to be a vampire,” I say. I expect to laugh, to realize that he holds the cards here and just deny me outright, or quickly agree to do what I want so we can both get out of here quickly. But his reaction is so surprising I actually break character for a second. His eyes go wide and he shakes his head furiously, I can see the chain around his neck rubbing his burnt skin open at the action but he doesn’t stop. “No, you can’t.” He looks almost scared.

I pull myself out of the shock at his reaction and get back into character. “Oh, I’m sorry, baby. But you aren’t calling the shots here.” I grab his hair and pull his head back, my other hand placing the blade at the exposed area of his throat. “So, tell me, how does it work?” I had researched this too of course. I knew it had something to do with his bite. Most probably something in his saliva. But there was a lot of theories about the actual process, and I had no idea which to trust.

“You don’t understand.” He hisses at me, his eyes are full of fire. “You don’t want to end up like this. It’s not worth it.”

What the hell was wrong with him? Was seriously warning me against the being a vampire?

“You don’t know my life. Maybe it is worth it for me.” Something flashes in his eyes, but it is gone before I can process it and he says after a careful pause. “Whatever it is, I promise you, it’s not worth it.”

“Just tell me how,” I say, digging the blade deeper in his skin. He flinches from the pain but doesn’t speak. “HOW?” I ask again, but it seems like he’s gone back to his strategy of muteness.

I get off him and head to a side table where some of the more interesting weapons lay. Tonight was gonna be a long night, I think, before picking up a saw and turning back around.

I’ve been going at him for nearly two hours, and am considering taking a break and letting him stew in his wounds for a while when he speaks, “It takes days of pain, okay?” His voice is gruff from what I can only assume is holding back his screams of pain. “Endless, unfathomable pain. And the survival rate is minuscule. Everything needs to be perfect for it to work. And even if you survive, you end up like this. Pathetic, half-dead, and other. It’s not worth it, no matter what you think.”

“None of that is what I asked. I want to know how to do it. The rest is my problem, not yours.” But he doesn’t respond again. I sign internally. How the fuck had I found the most uncooperative vampire on this fucking planet?

It takes about an hour more before he starts talking again. I am breaking his fourth finger, having already wrecked the first three beyond repair. Or at least, beyond repair for the time being. He would heal soon enough. “You have to kill yourself!” I pause my action, the tiny hammer raised high.

“What?” I ask. I’m a little concerned I’ve literally imagined him speaking.

“To complete the process. That’s why it's so hard! After- after I bite you, my saliva-or whatever is in it that makes the process possible- it needs to spread throughout your body. And then you kill yourself. If you kill yourself too early, or too late, after your system has already started processing it out, that’s it. You just stay dead. You have to find the exact perfect time in order to turn.” He says it all through gritted teeth like he doesn’t want to tell me any of this.

I stare at him blankly. He is drenched in sweat, his hair is sticking to his forehead. His shirt and pants are in tatters from where I’ve cut him over and over again. He is breathing hard and his eyes almost look like he is pleading with me. But I’ve hit the gold mine. So that’s how it worked.

“Bite me,” I say. It comes out in a soft whisper, the threatening act forgotten at the prospect of finally getting what I want. His eyes go wide. It seems like he’d only given up that information to finally convince me to give up. “No-” “Bite me,” I say, more firm this time. I had injected enough people with enough shit to know how fast things spread in the body. Considering the consistency of his saliva, I could make a rough guess at when to kill myself so it worked. Of course, it could all go wrong and I could just simply end up dead. But I was willing to take that risk.

He sets his jaw. “No.” He says. I was getting irritated now. I was so close, so close. But this stupid vampire would rather get tortured than just bite me and make this easier on both of us. I am much more vicious and a lot less calculated with my strikes now. “For. Fuck’s. Sake. Just. BITE. ME.” I say, slashing at his chest with each strike. But he doesn’t budge so easily.

After 20 mins, I bring out the electrocution equipment. I’ve been going for so long that I’m actually exhausted. But each time he passes me a nugget of information, I get more invested and the thought of giving up evaporates from my mind.

It takes two shocks before he starts screaming. Three more until his fangs pop out. I don’t even think he has control over them anymore. I am too fast for him to retract them tho. I slash my wrist and shove it in his mouth. He is depleted. He’s been losing blood for hours. He can help but suck. One bite is all I need. Almost as soon as his fang sink into my flesh, I rip my arm out of his mouth. It tears my skin but I don’t care. I wasn’t going to lose any more blood than necessary.

I walk away from him to look for some piece of cloth to wrap around my wrist. Now it was only a matter of time. I am trying to do some quick math in my head to figure out when to end my life when I hear his pleas.

“Stop, Y/N, please stop.” He sounds broken, destroyed. But that is not what makes me freeze.

“How do you know my name?” I say in a low voice. This was not part of the plan. If he knew my name, he probably knew I was coming for him beforehand. For all I know, a whole squadron of vampires is about to come and once they saw what I had done to Baekhyun….Panic starts to flare in my chest and I try desperately to calm it down. I grab the steel blade from the floor where I had dropped it and press it right over his heart. If I pushed in, that was it. He would be dead and I would be fresh out of options for being turned. But I would have to do it if I was at risk here. “I asked you how you know my name?” I bite out.

“I-I’ve known about for a while.” I dig my blade in deeper and a fresh drop of blood sprouts out of his chest. “How?“

“Did you really think someone with your skills will not stick out on the streets of this tiny ass town?” My eyes narrow at him, and he continues, “When you moved here, and started stirring up trouble poking your head in places it didn’t belong, I had to look into you.” He averts his eyes. “I know about your parents. Your brother. The whole cover up.”

I grind my teeth, and move back from him. My mind was reeling. He knew too much. “Did you know I’d be coming?”

“Of course not.” He spits out. “Do I look like an idiot? Why would I follow you if I knew you were you?” His voice grows softer again. “I’m serious. Don’t turn. There are other ways to get what you want. Don’t condemn yourself to this life. You’ll regret it. I promise you, you will.”

“What do you care?!” I snarl at him. Vaguely, I realize time is passing. If he stalls me for long enough, I’m going to miss my window of opportunity. I quickly glance at the clock. I had about a minute more. Or at least I hoped I did.

His voice is hard when he replies. “Don’t you understand, you fool. I am a vampire. I know what the cost is.”

I narrow my eyes at him. It sounded plausible but I didn’t buy it. Anyway, I was out of time for chit chat. I go to grab the blade again.

“Wait! Wait!” Baekhyun sounds urgent now. “Before you do this, you should know- the sire bond between a new vampire and a sire, it’s intense. It will mess with your head. It will-“ But I am not listening anymore. If he was doing this to stall me, he would fail.

I take the blade and stab it straight through my heart. Baekhyun’s shocked scream is the last thing I hear before I fall. And then there is only pain.

[trishmishtree]

[Current as of March 13, 2020]

Dr. Shahed (screenshot above) is an emergency department physician in Ohio who shared this post on Facebook. It’s an account of COVID-19 from the perspective of an ICU doc working on the frontlines in Seattle. Some of my laypeople-friends were sharing it around (and I’ve seen it floating around on twitter and various internet forums], but I noticed that it’s really dense and contains a lot of medical abbreviations and jargon, like it was meant more for other physicians and isn’t really useful for the average reader. So I thought I’d provide a translation for my non-medblr followers who are looking to stay informed. (If you want further clarification, feel free to drop me an ask)

***

This is from a front-line ICU physician in a Seattle hospital

This is his personal account:

We have 21 patients and 11 deaths since 2/28.

We are seeing patients who are young (20s), fit, no comorbidities, critically ill. It does happen.

US has been past containment since January

Currently, all of ICU is for critically ill COVID patients, all of med-surg [medical-surgical] floors are for stable COVID patients and end-of-life care, half of PCU [progressive care unit], half of ER. New Pulmonary Clinic offshoot is open for patients with respiratory symptoms

CDC is no longer imposing home quarantine on providers who were wearing only droplet-isolation PPE when intubating, suctioning, bronching, and in one case doing bloody neurosurgery. Expect when it comes to your place you may initially have staff home-quarantined. Plan for this NOW. Consider wearing airborne-isolation PPE for aerosol-generating procedures in ANY patient in whom you suspect COVID, just to prevent the mass quarantines.

We ran out of N95s (thanks, Costco hoarders) and are bleaching and re-using PAPRs [powered air purifying respirators], which is not the manufacturer’s recommendation. Not surprised on N95s as we use mostly CAPRs [controlled air purifying respirators] anyway, but still.

Terminal cleans (including UV light) for ER COVID rooms are taking forever, Environmental Services is overwhelmed. This is bad, as patients are stuck coughing in the waiting room. Recommend planning now for Environmental Service upstaffing, or having a plan for sick patients to wait in their cars (that is not legal here, sadly).

CLINICAL INFO (based on our cases and info from CDC conference call today with other COVID providers in US):

The Chinese data on 80% mildly ill, 14% hospital-ill, 6-8% critically ill are generally on the mark. Data [in the US] very skewed by late and very limited testing, and the number of our elderly patients going to comfort care. 

Being young & healthy (zero medical problems) does not rule out becoming vented or dead 

Probably the time course to developing significant lower respiratory symptoms is about a week or longer (which also fits with timing of sick cases we started seeing here, after we all assumed it was endemic as of late Jan/early Feb). 

Based on our hospitalized cases (including the not-formally-diagnosed ones who are obviously COVID – it is quite clinically unique), about 1/3 of patients have mild lower respiratory symptoms and need 1-5L NC [1-5 liters of oxygen per minute, via nasal cannula]. 1/3 are sicker, need face mask or non-rebreather. 1/3 are intubated with ARDS [acute respiratory distress syndrome]. 

Thus far, everyone is seeing: 

normal WBC [white blood cell] count. Almost always lymphopenic, occasionally poly [neutrophil]-predominant but with normal total WBC count. Doesn’t change, even 10 days in. 

Bronchoalveolar lavage: lymphocytic despite blood being lymphopenic. (Try not to bronch these patients; this data is from pre-testing time when we had several idiopathic ARDS cases) 

Fevers, often high, may be intermittent; persistently febrile, often for >10 days. It isn’t the dexmed, it’s the SARS2. 

Low procalcitonin; may be useful to check initially for later trending if you are concerned later for VAP [ventilator-associated pneumonia], etc.

Elevated AST/ALT, sometimes alkaline phosphatase. Usually in 70-100 range. No fulminant hepatitis. Notably, in our small sample, higher transaminitis [elevated AST/ALT] (150-200) on admission correlates with clinical deterioration and progression to ARDS. LFTs [liver function tests] typically begin to bump in 2nd week of clinical course. 

Mild AKI [acute kidney injury] (creatinine <2). Uncertain if direct viral effect, but notably SARS2 RNA fragments have been identified in liver, kidneys, heart, and blood.</li>

Characteristic chest x-ray: always bilateral patchy or reticular infiltrates, sometimes peri-hilar despite normal ejection fraction and volume down at presentation. At time of presentation may be subtle, but always present, even in our patients on chronic high dose steroids. NO effusions.

CT is as expected, rarely mild mediastinal lymphadenopathy, occasional small effusions late in course, which might be related to volume status/cap leak.

Note - China is CT'ing everyone, even outpatients, as a primarily diagnostic modality. However, in US/Europe, CT is rare, since findings are nonspecific, would not change management, and the ENTIRE scanner and room have to be terminal-cleaned, which is just impossible in a busy hospital. Also, transport in PAPRs, etc. 

2 of our patients had CTs for idiopathic ARDS in the pre-test era; they looked like the CTs in the journal articles. Not more helpful than chest x-ray. 

When respiratory failure occurs, it is RAPID (likely 7-10 days out from symptom onset, but rapid progression from hospital admission). Common scenario for our patients is: admit on 1L/min oxygen via nasal cannula. Next 12 hrs escalate to NPPV [non-invasive positive pressure ventilation]. Next 12-24 hrs → vent/proned/Flolan. 

Interestingly, despite some needing Flolan, the hypoxia is not as refractory as with H1N1. Quite different, and quite unique. Odd enough that you’d notice and say hmmm. 

Thus far many are dying of cardiac arrest rather than inability to ventilate/oxygenate. 

Given the inevitable rapid progression to ETT [endotracheal tube, aka intubation] once respiratory decompensation begins, we and other hospitals, including Wuhan, are doing early intubation. Face mask is fine, but if patients are needing HFNC [high-flow nasal cannula] or NPPV [non-invasive positive pressure ventilation], just tube them. They definitely will need a tube anyway, and no point risking the aerosols.

No MOSF [multi-organ system failure]. There’s the mild AST/ALT elevation, maybe a small creatinine bump, but no florid failure. Exception is cardiomyopathy.

Multiple patients here have had normal EF [ejection fraction] on formal Echo or POCUS [point-of-care ultrasound] at time of admission (or in a couple of cases, EF 40ish, chronically). Also normal troponins from emergency department. Then they get the horrible respiratory failure, sans sepsis or shock. Then they turn the corner, come off Flolan, supined, vent weaning, looking good, never any pressor requirement. Then over 12 hrs, newly cold, clamped, multiple-pressor shock that looks cardiogenic, EF 10% or less. Then either VT [ventricular tachycardia, aka V-tach] → VF [ventricular fibrillation, aka V-fib] → dead, or PEA [pulseless electrical activity] → asystole in less than a day. Needless to say, this is awful for families who had started to have hope. 

We have actually had more asystole than VT. Other facilities report more VT/VF, but same time course, a few days or a week after admission, around the time they’re turning the corner. This occurs on med-surg patients too. One today, who is elderly and chronically ill but with baseline EF preserved, became newly hypotensive overnight, EF <10. Already no escalation, has since passed. So presumably there is a viral cardiomyopathy aspect, which presents later in the course of disease.

Of note, no wall motion abnormalities on Echo, right ventricular function preserved, troponins don’t bump. Could be unrelated, but I’ve never seen anything like it before, especially in a patient who had been hemodynamically stable without sepsis.

TREATMENT:

Remdesivir might work, some hospitals have seen improvement with it quite rapidly, marked improvement in 1-3 days. ARDS trajectory is impressive with it, patients improve much more rapidly than expected in usual ARDS.

Recommended course is 10 days, but due to scarcity, all hospitals have stopped it when the patient is clinically out of the woods. None have continued >5 days. It might cause LFT bump, but interestingly seem to bump (200s-ish) for a day or 2 after starting, then rapidly back to normal, suggests this is not a primary toxic hepatitis.

Unfortunately, the Gilead compassionate use and trial programs require AST/ALT <5x normal, which is pretty much almost no actual COVID patients. Also CrCl [creatinine clearance] >30, which is fine. CDC is working with Gilead to get LFT requirements changed now that we know this is a mild viral hepatitis.

Currently the Gilead trial is wrapping up, NIH trial still enrolling, some new trial soon to begin, can’t remember where.

Steroids are up in the air. In China, usual clinical practice for all ARDS is high dose methylprednisolone. Thus, ALL of their patients have had high dose methylprednisolone. Some question whether this practice increases mortality.

It is likely that it increases secondary VAP/HAP [ventilator-associated pneumonia/hospital-acquired pneumonia]. China has had a high rate of drug-resistant GNR [Gram-negative rod] HAP/VAP and fungal pneumonia in these patients, with resulting increases in mortality. We have seen none, even in the earlier patients who were vented for >10 days before being bronch’ed (prior to test availability. Again, it is not a great idea to bronch these patients now).

Unclear whether VAP-prevention strategies are also different [in China vs US], but wouldn’t think so?

Hong Kong is currently running an uncontrolled trial of HC 100IV Q8 [hydrocortisone 100 mg IV every 8 hours].

General consensus here (in US among doctors who have cared for COVID patients) is that steroids will do more harm than good, unless needed for other indications.

Many of our patients have COPD on ICS [inhaled corticosteroids]. Current consensus at Evergreen, after some observation & some clinical judgment, is to stop ICS if able, based on known data with other viral pneumonias and increased susceptibility to HAP. Thus far patients are tolerating that, no major issues with ventilating them that can’t be managed with vent changes. We also have quite a few on AE-COPD [acute exacerbation of COPD]/asthma doses of methylprednisolone, so will be interesting to see how they do.

[carolinesbookworld]

tagged by @kabeswaters and @swellwriting <3

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? 0

describe yourself in a hashtag? very similar to @fortisfiliae #stressedanddepressed

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? Harrison Osterfield

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? prepare for disaster

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? um...idk my boyfriend knows basically everything about me sooooooo

what’s your wake up ritual? wake up, turn off alarm (bc with this at-home learning stuff i’ve been waking up like literally 1 min before my alarm goes off???), text good morning to my bf, snapchat, discord bc moonlit fam talks allll night, tumblr, get out of bed, wash face, get dressed, coffee and breakfast it’s very specific

what’s your go to bed ritual? wash glasses and face bc my skin is soo oily by the end of the day so you best believe my glasses be needing washing everyday, shower, say goodnight to fam, text bf for like 15 mins or until he says goodnight, turn alarm on, plug in phone, go to sleep

what’s your favorite time of day? morning but specifically from 7:30 until 9  

your go to for having a good laugh? FRIENDS as in the show

dream country to visit? Australia bc my dad once got to hold a baby koala there and i wanna do that so bad

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? so my family moved before my sophomore year so me and my bff started trying to surprise each other whenever one of us came to visit and the weekend of my birthday, she skypes me as she’s walking around what i thought was her house and then i start hearing an echo and next thing i know she’s standing in the doorway of my room and that was pretty much the best surprise ever

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers converse

vintage or new? new but i love vintage aesthetic i just couldn’t live with it

who do you want to write your obituary? karli @swellwriting bc she is my brain twin and i would be mocking her horrible grammar and spelling from my grave and we would both get a good laugh about it in the afterlife

style icon? the mom i babysit for haha she’s like one of my best friends tho which sounds really weird but it’s true

what are three things you cannot live without? books, dogs, days that are exactly 65 degrees

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? um idk chocolate??

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? Sarah J. Maas, Eddie Redmayne, my boyfriend bc i haven’t had dinner with him for 47 days

what’s your biggest fear in life? losing the people i love...and spiders

window or aisle seat? window bc aisle makes me anxious that i’m in people’s way

what’s your current tv obsession? the cw’s nancy drew it’s so good please go watch it

favorite app? instagram, discord, or tumblr, depends on my mood

secret talent? um idk i can draw very realistic portraits of people when i take the time to

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? okay so technically this wasn’t me who did it but i was part of the adventure. when me and my boyfriend were just “friends” ie. liked each other and knew we liked each other but were too scared to admit it. anyway, we had this elaborate plan to shave our youth group leader’s head if we were able to bring in a certain amount of food for the food drive during vbs week. so yeah we spent like three days planning the whole thing out and then decided to go price shopping at walmart with all of our younger siblings bc we needed supervision or something lol to see how many individual things of food we could buy with $20 each we ended up just getting like 20 huge boxes of ramen and then his sister ended up throwing up so we took her home and then went back to church where my car was parked but instead of turning to get to church my boyfriend decides to go straight through the stop light (it was green okay) and spontaneously drive up into the foothills. well we get to the top of the foothills and we’re at the lake and we all get out to look at the city and my boyfriend claims that we need to document this moment so he takes a selfie with all of us and we somehow ended up right next to each other in it and i only found this out like three months ago (this happened back in june) that he only took the picture because he wanted one of us together in case we didn’t start dating lol so sweet and yeah, that was a very long story but i needed context instead of just saying “yeah we drove up a mountain”

how would you define yourself in three words? loyal, anxious, passionate

favorite piece of clothing you own? this dark coral dress that makes my eyes and hair look really pretty

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a hoodie

a superpower you would want? i want to be able to project my thoughts into someone else’s mind bc i’m so bad at explaining stuff sometimes especially when it comes to how i feel

what’s inspiring you in life right now? ACOTAR series by Sarah J. Maas, highly recommend

best piece of advice you’ve received? opening up to more than one person is important because if you lose that person then you’ve lost all your support

best advice you’d give your teenage self? the friends who have stuck around this long are the ones you want to hang onto and the ones that you need are the ones you don’t always see

a book everyone should read? The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

what would you like to be remembered for? being a crazy dog mama

how do you define beauty? confidence in yourself and not caring what others think about you

what do you love most about your body? my metabolism

best way to take a rest/decompress? open a window to feel the breeze and listen to Islands by Hey Ocean! which is so calming to me

favorite place to view art? nature or tumblr

if your life was a song, what would the title be? we’re going with a fob/p!atd theme here and calling it “depression screwed me over so i screwed it back and ended up worse off”

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? probably on my forearm or by my left hip

dolphins or koalas? koalas did i mention that i want to hold a baby koala

what’s an animal that represents you? great dane puppy ie. very excitable but will also take a four hour nap when tired

best gift you’ve ever received? my best friend made this photo collage for me when i moved that is hanging in my room and it has a bunch of pictures of me and her over the years and i just love it

best gift you’ve given? for christmas i gave my boyfriend a hammock and the bookshelf addition of clue, two things he had no idea i would remember him mentioning and his face was priceless. also i made my mom a cake for her birthday this year and she was so happy and said it made her feel very special <3

what’s your favorite board game? clue or ticket to ride (specifically nordic countries)

what’s your favorite color? currently a pale turquoise

least favorite color? any shade of light brown

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore bc i don’t wear makeup enough to validate buying designer, also i don’t really care

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee cof-

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? palindrome is wild because it means a word spelled the same way forwards and backwards but it itself is not one such word

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk

stairs or elevators? stairs

summer or winter? summer but like, only june

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? panera mac n cheese

a dessert you don’t like? red velvet cake which btw is not red-colored chocolate cake as many would have you believe

a skill you’re working on mastering? writing

best thing to happen to you today? i got to put all of my new plants in my windowsill and i named one of them (its name is albert in case you were wondering)

worst thing to happen to you today? idk today’s been pretty good as far as quarantine goes

best compliment you’ve ever received? my boyfriend calls me beautiful all the time and he always reminds me that that is describing looks and personality

favorite smell? coffee or my boyfriend’s sweatshirt for the week after i steal it

hugs or kisses? can i choose both?? depends on my mood mostly but i guess hugs if i just had to pick one

if you made a documentary, would it be about? literally anything relating to the mcu

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? a court of wings and ruin by sjm

lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? literally any female in the teen wolf cast

how do you know you’re in love? hahahaha haha what's love

a song you can listen to on repeat? we fall apart by we as human or uma thurman by fob

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? idk my boyfriend probably, this is something we have discussed in depth

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? for life to go back to normal

tagging @finnofamerica @woakiees @beskarjedi @outerlacy @swanimagines hahahahaha have funnnnn this took me an hour to answer

[unproduciblesmackdown]

evens. go pee.

awesome Thank you, i Did pee

2:How long have you known your best friend?

a year

4:Were you a part of any “clique” in high school?

fun fact i didn’t go to high school. in middle school i sat at the corner of the odds n ends losers lunch table and usually read, lol. in college i eventually was kind of in the peripherals of a theatre-dept-y group, like, the odds and ends of some odds and ends right there really

6:Do you wish to travel a lot?

it would be cool if i at least knew that i Could 

10:Do you like the way that you grew up?

it was lucky in some ways but overall it was some real bs

18:A random memory from you childhood:

idk in kindergarten there was a field trip to just some nearish-by farm i think to pick strawberries as a goal and after we got there it started to rain and the teachers were like “if it keeps up we’ll probably just have to go back” but then it stopped raining after like five minutes, so that was exciting for us as 5 yr olds. also i just always remember these two kids were “dating”?? which like, what’s that possibly mean when you’re five, but whatever, but this also afforded them some sort of Cool Kid status. and now i’m just like christ how can a 5 yr old possibly be cool. one of their names was jordan, i remember still

20:What was the last thing you watched on tv?

there was this show about like, refurbishing / repurposing old furniture basically, and it was on and i was sitting there. the last thing that was on that i like, picked, was i thiiiink still the pre-halloween movie marathon

22:Would you like to meet any of your Tumblr friends in person?

sure

22:What was the last dream you remember having?

just boring too-irl-based anxiety dreams. boo

24:How many pillows do you sleep with?

one

26:What color is your hair?

brown

28:What is your favorite soda?

grape

30:How’s the weather right now? 

i knew it was cold and clear like 45 min ago thanks to me peeing outside

32:Who do you miss right now?

well last night i got kinda fucked up abt the idea of ppl having this in-person solid group of friends / people who want to see you and be around you, but then also like, i don’t know if i’m cut out for that as something i’d Actually enjoy, and it’s even less certain that it’d ever happen so it’s like, that was half the depressing stuff, then the other half being “well sucks that that’s never quite happened before already, either.” missing a theoretical concept of people

34:Are you still figuring out who you are?

unfortunately...........there wasn’t much room for “be urself and have your interests and feel free to try stuff / have ur actual identity”

36:What is your favorite restaurant?

idk! lol

38:Would ever adopt kids?

if it was like, an apocalyptic scenario where there was literally nobody more equipped to make sure some kids didn’t die, sure. but also like, if this question is just asking like “adoption: ew or I Guess It’s Fine” then like, obviously i don’t want kids but adoption is great if the parents are actually equipped to handle their kids needs, which is just as true for non-adoptive parents obviously, and it’s not like, a Lesser family member or something, or not as good as ~having a baby yourself~ or only okay as a last resort or anything. if i wanted kids i would adopt kids

40:What was your first thought when you woke up this morning?

it was just like aaaaaaaaaaaaaa

42:What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?

probably just some kind of funky food combo i’ve ended up w/ cuz of just being hungry, which i can’t think of anything in particular rn lol

44:What’s a band you’ve been obsessed with lately?

haven’t had one

46:Do you have a bucket list?

no

48:When was the last time you laughed so hard your stomach hurt?

i don’t remember.......i’ll laugh p hard at funney video sometimes but not That hard

50:5 random facts about yourself:

1) i’m sweaty at random and if Only i still smelled good....maybe half the time it’s neutral but sometimes i just am like, im stinkey

2) i don’t think i have any allergies (that ppl aren’t allergic to pretty much always, like mosquitoes. mosquitoes love to bite me actually)

3) i like math

4) i used to read / watch / play a lot of mystery-solving media including eventually like, murder mystery related, but not so much in recenter times and it’s like, was that just kinda easing into enjoying the horror genre or what. idk maybe i also just like Mysteries but kinda cooled on that. also speaking of earlier stuff i remember being real bemused after finally finding out that everyone on scooby doo is technically a teenager??? they just Drive Around being given authority to investigate shit and do whatever the hell they want so i figured these were grown people. i also was confused abt the age of sesame street muppets b/c it was like, idk, i figured grover and big bird were also just grown......everyone out here doing Whatever

5) lol idk i like cats and birds like this is obvious lore already but i’ve honestly been sitting here for like 20+ min like “think of a fact” and just like aah no that one sucks.....no that’s just like a boring memory, Think Of A Fact......nah this other one is also shit.........lol like idek what’s a Fun Fact. i’m not too inchsting

[fresh-outta-jams]

Masterlist!

Admins: Mo (BTS, Astro, BlackPink) and MoRo (Monsta X, EXO, VIXX, NCT, iKon, B.A.P)

Groups We Write for Currently: BTS, Astro, BlackPink, NCT, Monsta X, EXO, VIXX

Rules: We don’t write smut, self-harm, abuse, or cheating.

Request Policy: Requests are always open, but we delete the ones we don’t like to keep the rotation fresh.

Other Info: Admin Mo has an Army Amino account that she posts fics on also, so if you see some fics that look familiar, they’re not plagiarized, they’re just from her Amino page. Admin MoRo has a Wattpad account so if any of her fics look familiar, they’re just from her Wattpad account.  

BTS

Kim Namjoon

Tale as Old as Time - Prologue - 1

Status: (Ongoing) | AU: Disney

At the hands of an evil enchantress, Prince Namjoon has been struck with a beastly curse. Love is the only way to break the spell, but who could ever learn to love a beast?

Plastic Heart - Prologue, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, Epilogue

Status: [Complete!] | AU: Toy Story

When you get the highly-anticipated BTS dolls for Christmas, your life takes a turn in a way you never could have expected.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, Epilogue

Status: [Complete!] | AU: Soulmate

You’re in college when your soulmate tattoo arrives: an address. It couldn’t hurt to send a letter, right?

Exam Cram - College!AU, friends to lovers, fluff

While studying together for your finals, Namjoon seems to have something else on his mind...

The Boy Next Door - Fluff, best friends to lovers au

Namjoon has been your best friend forever. You know you have to do something when you can’t get him out of your head...

Creatures of the Night - Fluffy Fluff, Fantasy!AU, Werewolf!Namjoon x Reader

Mated Under Moonlight - Sequel to Creatures of the Night

Namjoon, the world’s clumsiest werewolf, finds himself in quite the pickle when he meets a special vampire in his Creatures of the Night class. And though she doesn’t know it, she holds his heart in her hands.

Kiss and Cry - Fluff, Soulmate!AU, Namjoon x Figure Skater!Reader

Go for the Gold - Sequel to Kiss and Cry

All of his life, Namjoon has had a name etched into his wrist, (Y/N) (L/N), a Winter Olympian on Team America. Tis the season to finally meet her, with the Olympics in Pyeongchang. 

Makeup Joon - Namjoon x Makeup artist reader, where they fall in love through English/their smarts

Kim Seokjin

Of Spells and Spinning Wheels - 1, 2, 3, 4, Epilogue

Status: [Complete!] | AU: Disney

Jin is the prince of a neighboring kingdom, your betrothed and one of your dearest friends. It feels like your happily ever after has been written since the day you were born. But everything changes when Jin is cursed on his 21st birthday...

RJ the Snowman - Christmas Drabble, fluff

Giving Fate a Push - FLUFF, Soulmate!AU

Pulled By Fate - Sequel to Giving Fate a Push

With all of his brothers matched with their soulmates, Jin is more than ready to finally meet his. And with his cravings getting stronger and stronger, he knows she must be close.

Pink Camellias - FLUFFFF, Fantasy!AU, Merman!Jin x Reader

Red Carnations - Sequel to Pink Camellias

Kim Seokjin, the most handsome merman to lay foot- er, fin- on Magus’ Campus, has found himself hopelessly in love his best friend, the daughter of Persephone. So much so that he’d be willing to give up anything for her, even his voice.

My Pink Princess- Jin and reader living the domestic life while he’s on break from his schedule, fluff

Min Yoongi

So Far Away - Fluff, liiiiitle bit of angst if you squint, Soulmate!AU

The Man of my Dreams - Sequel to So Far Away

Yoongi has a pretty good idea of his dream girl, given he literally sees her in his dreams every night. But can their picture-perfect romance translate to the real world, or will it turn out to be a nightmare?

Cat Got Your Tongue? - Fluffy fluff, Fantasy!AU, Warlock!Yoongi x Reader

A Girl Made of Stars - Sequel to Cat Got Your Tongue? 

Yoongi, a talented warlock and potion-brewer at Magus University, feels pretty confident in his abilities...until a spilled potion proves to have some unseen side-effects...

The Daughter of Yoongi - You and your husband Yoongi have a child. It’s a girl! Your adventures with him and your daughter and the adventures of Yoongi taking your daughter to different things with him like fan signs, music awards, photoshoots and the other boys playing with her.

Jung Hoseok

Morning on the Han - Fluuuuuuuuuuff

Early one morning, Hoseok decides to take you to see something beautiful...

Santa Baby - Christmas Drabble, fluff, Husband!Hoseok

Down Here - FLUFFFF, Fantasy!AU, Leprechaun!Hoseok x Reader

Fun-Sized - Sequel to Down Here

Jung Hoseok, perhaps the shortest person on Magus’ campus, given that he’s all of six inches tall, has always been a believer in true love. But confessing his love proves near impossible when she’s ten times his size.

Rainbow Connection - Fluff, Soulmate!AU

Living in Vivid Color - Sequel to Rainbow Connection

Hoseok, a brilliant and bubbly boy has been living in a world of gray, waiting for that one person who’ll bring his world into full color.

Park Jimin

Carol of the Bells - Christmas Drabble, fluff, slight angst, Guardian Angel!Jimin

The Voice in My Head - FLUFFF, Angst with a happy ending, Soulmate!AU

So Glad You’re Mine - Sequel to The Voice in my Head

Forever, she’s been a voice in his head, an ocean away. But tragedy strikes and time is running out for Jimin to find the love of his life in person.

The Beginning of Forever - Fluffffff, Fantasy!AU, Fairy!Jimin x Reader, Arranged Marriage AU

To Love the Sun - Sequel to The Beginning of Forever

Park Jimin, the fairy prince, has been betrothed to (Y/N) (L/N), the elven princess for his whole life. It’s always seemed like a curse. Everything changes, however, when he finds her on campus.

Beach Date - Fluffy Jiminie, Beach date with Jimin while he’s on a break! 

Kim Taehyung

Red Ribbons - FLUFF, Soulmate!AU

Red Ballet Shoes - Sequel to Red Ribbons

Taehyung has always wanted to chase the red string tied to his finger. As it turns out, the fateful ribbon leads to LA of all places...

All I Want for Christmas - F L U F F, Christmas, Fantasy!AU, Elf Taehyung x Reader

I’m Allergic to my Girlfriend - Sequel to All I Want for Christmas

Kim Taehyung, the North Pole’s sweetest elf, finds himself in love with his own personal Christmas Angel.

Midnight Adventures - Fluff

Adventures with Tae in the cover of night

Jeon Jungkook

Here We Come a Wassailing - Christmas fluff, Christmas drabble

Since Forever - FLUFFF

Part 2

No Idea - Fluff, Werewolf!AU, Werewolf JK x Reader

Jungkook is your best friend, but you two are polar opposites in more way than one...

As You Wish - Fluffy fluff, Slight angst, Fantasy!AU, Genie!Jungkook x Reader

Inside the Dragon’s Heart - Sequel to As You Wish

Five hundred years in a lamp will give you a real crick in the neck. Jungkook should know. He’s been cramped up in one for a very long time. However, it seems the next person to give his lamp a rub has no intention of using her wishes, a very dangerous promise to say the least...

Two Bodies, One Soul - Fluff, Soulmate!AU

A Tale of Tangled Souls - Sequel to Two Bodies, One Soul

Jungkook is pretty convinced he doesn’t have a soulmate...until he switches bodies with her...

Tattoos and Tutus-  You get a call in the dead of night, “Y/N-ah….I need you…please…It’s Ji Ran…” And you thought you were just his daycare provider who’s day ended when the last child left but you were sorely wrong.  Single Dad! Jungkook x reader, Fluff with some slight scare

Tattoos and Tutus Part 2 - Fluff with some slight angst but then fluff makes up for it

Astro

Jin Jin

Coming Soon!

MJ

Coming Soon!

Eunwoo

Baby, It’s Cold Outside - Christmas Fluff, drabble

Imaginary - Imaginary Friend!Eunwoo x reader, fluff, angst

Part 2

Your imaginary friend was someone you hadn’t thought about in a long time. Little did you know he hadn’t ever stopped thinking about you...

Moonbin

Pizza Boys and Penguin Pajamas - Pizza Boy!Moonbin x Reader, fluff, Christmas

Snowed in, your friends decide to order pizza with an extra cute delivery boy on the side.

Rocky

Coming Soon!

Sanha

Coming Soon!

BlackPink

Coming Soon!

NCT

Taeyong 

Library Love - There’s this one boy in the library who is always there. You slowly become friends with him but without ever speaking a word to him. What happens when you finally talk to him? 

Johnny 

Can You Hear Me?- 1 , 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

You were unconcerned about soulmate things because getting it was the end of your final year in collage and time was counting down until graduation. But what happens when your soulmate suddenly appears right before your finals exams and it turns out he’s been there for much longer than you knew? Having your soulmate in your head was not something you needed but the more you get to know him, the more you appreciate him being there. College!Johnny x reader

Status: (Complete!)  

Mark 

Cat & Mouse -  Being the youngest mob boss in the history of Underground Seoul is rough but your inner circle, the “Dreamies”, makes life easier... except there’s this one “Dreamie” who gives you goosebumps and makes you feel like you’re in a complex game of cat and mouse. Is he hiding something or are you just being paranoid?  

iKON

B.I

Life With Hanbin - Fluff and living with Hanbin

Monsta X

Jooheon

Jooheon’s Girl  - Jooheon x Reader, fluff, helping in the studio 

Cuddle Me? - Jooheon x Reader drabble, fluff 

EXO

Kai

Soft Kai, Warm Kai, Little Dancing Machine - Fluff + steamy makeout sessions

Chen

What’s Going On?  -  You thought you were dating a normal guy who worked a 9 to 5 office job and worked lots of overtime. You were so unbelievably wrong.  (Part of the Exodus Mafia Au) 

VIXX

Coming Soon!

B.A.P

Yongguk

She’s in the Rain - This entire fic was inspired by the song “She’s in the Rain” by The Rose when a certain line hit me. You and your husband Yongguk were expecting a baby when you tragically had a miscarriage. As you struggle to cope with the death of your unborn child, Yongguk is by your side all along the way, never letting go. Angst, mentions of miscarriage, mentions of suicide(but no death), depression BUT THERE’S A HAPPY ENDING I PROMISE.

[liveasbutterflies]

Final Thoughts...

Did I love the ending?... No. The ending was weak, messy and had holes, lots and lots of holes. HOWEVER does it sully my love for the series? Nope. Let’s discuss the good and the bad...  The Bad 

VP vs Yul This is my biggest gripe about the ending. The entire series was setting up for this big showdown between the Vice Premier and the Crown Prince. But their match ended literally within 20 mins into the episode. Talk about anticlimactic. I wished it was the Crown Princess that stuck a sword into her father’s chest. She saw Moo Yeon literally die via sword plunge to heart thanks to dad. I think it would have been poetic justice if we saw his demise in a similar fashion. Yes I know she’s heavily pregnant but I think it would have been better than him being shot at with arrows. It wasn’t even at the command of Yul to loose those arrows! Writer-nim let’s talk. 

Time jump... REALLY???  Yul couldn’t have given Yi Seo his journals 1 year sooner? What was he waiting for? Seriously though, what was he waiting for? She didn’t say meet me in a year to for me to figure this out. She literally rejected him. If the journals were the way for her to change her mind did it really have to take a time jump + a scheme with the King & Jae Yoon for Yul to deliver his journals to Yi Seo? For me time jumps are just a lazy way of writing while attempting cover plot hole ineffectively. 

The Good

WONSHIM The glue to the entire series. I love that we got to see their relationship bloom. At first they would have pull out each others hair if they could. But then we see the subtle changes to their relationship. When they’re falling for each other we’re right along side them rooting them on. Are we all the dad then? We saw how miserable palace life was to Yul. He literally counts the days he’s stuck in his “prison.” So to see both of them so relaxed and just so content with their simple lives together melts my cold heart. They’re just so darn cute. 

Song Joo Village They are amazing. So hilarious, warm, and lovable. Even you Ma Chil! I love the dynamic that they played off Yul especially when he was adjusting to the simple life. They were just so relateable and you wish you had neighbors like them. 

Jung Jae Yoon

I think he might be my fav. character out of the entire series. We saw that he was conflicted and at a crossroad. Love or Loyalty. Instead of being petty like most typical kdrama second leads, he chose the high ground and chose loyalty. Also he was rational about it. He knows that Yi Seo has only one man in her heart and its not him. Even though he’s very forward with his affection for Yi Seo and she knows that he is interested in her he wasn’t mean or petty about it. can we get an amen. 

Cinematography & Directing... Absolutely gorgeous! Whenever I’m able to go to SKorea again I want to visit all the filming sites. Its just so gorgeous! For the directing I love the attention to detail and the use of long and wide shots shown in the drama. 

I want to write more but it’s past 2 AM here and my eyes are about to seal shut. 

Overall I would give this drama a 7 out of 10.  I think its also good to remember that this drama was always geared towards the romantic comedy side and not the angst-ridden/I will rip out your heart and tear ducts via tragic story line. Not that it is an excuse but it makes sense I suppose as to why the majority of the last ep the writer might have wanted to get back to the cute and lighter side of the drama. Did they stick the landing in the end... For me they did but ended up walking away with a twisted ankle if you know what I mean.  It’s still a drama that I enjoyed watching. What do you guys think? 

Also I’m still very bitter about no hapbang. 

[maedhros-nelyafinwe]

This turned out longer than I intended. I’m in a rambling mood and my sleep has been especially shitty for the past month. I don’t sleep the best to begin with, but every so often it just hits the fan and this has been for an extended period and I’m just exhausted.

I finally think I made headway in my sleep research. I keep forgetting to call the psych, who my gp said I should talk to him about it last month lol. Anyways, after doing some research into if it’s just adhd (which can cause insomnia) and doing my own sleep hygiene changes and hitting everything on the checklist for that, I’ve figured out that caffiene did affect me a little (my insomnia isn’t as extreme before, but I’ll test that out tomorrow for sure), it’s not fully the cause. I’m sleeping more so I’ll continue to watch when I have caffiene, but I still have problems falling asleep and staying asleep.

But instead of 3-5 hours of sleep (and a few days, 0 hours), since I cut caffiene I’m back to hitting 5-7 on average. Sooo much better, but still doesn’t address my difficulty falling asleep and general all day tiredness.

Sleep problems have plagued for as long as I can remember. I didn’t realize I had insomnia as a kid until my mom, one night somewhere around 5th or 6th grade, walked in on me reading a book around midnight, despite my bedtime around 8. Even at sleepovers, I was always the last one asleep, if I slept at all. Anyways, Mom came in and asked why I was still up and I was just like “????? reading of course????” 

Then I learned about insomnia. I was also the only middle schooler that (at least admitted to it or said anything about it) who loved taking naps. Naps were wonderful. Still are. I’ve been napping for such a long time.

Anyways. Issues sleeping. Forever. So in middle school, again, I learned meditation before I knew what it was. The ‘super guaranteed trick to make you sleep in 20 mins!’ where you start at your feet, relax the muscles, then move up your body, mentally making your muscles to relax and learning to still my ever racing thoughts in it. It helped for sure. Suddenly I could sleep for more than a few hours (that was adhd helping keep me awake, the racing thoughts and mind). But I was still always tired.

Mornings were (and are) the absolute worst. I never woke up on time, my mom had to come in and force me up. Until I realized that I had to literally throw myself out of bed the second I heard my alarm. Like, I hear it, and chuck the covers off, throw my legs over and stand up, all before I can fully open my eyes or think a single thought. It’s still a struggle to get my thoughts to work. People call my morning self ‘zombie’ me, because its legit like a zombie. My eyes are barely open, i can’t think, it’s all just muscle memory of my morning routine.

I had to learn ways to keep awake during classes, during general school and university (though the latter was easier because i planned classes accordingly. that is, not early at all lol and then I chugged coffee in the afternoon). I started drinking coffee at 12 years old and it helped a little bit for a little while, but then it stopped working and now I’m just left with a caffiene addiction lol

So that’s kind of a history. Minus the common sleep paralysis and constant nightmares (which I’ve learned to fall right back asleep through because they’re common).

I was researching the difference between adhd insomnia and sleep disorder insomnia because I’ve no doubt that was most of my problem growing up and thought maybe its still got me in its clutches despite all my trying.

So, my natural sleep schedule, when there’s no school or work, is fall asleep around 3am and wake up around 10am. When I can stick to that schedule, I actually feel rested afterwards and its easy to fall asleep. I feel the best on that schedule. Because of that, I always worked evening shifts. After high school, I worked took the latest shift, often getting off at midnight. In university, I still managed to get jobs that wouldn’t ask me to do morning shifts, all evening, with the latest letting me off at midnight again. I also tried to plan classes around this, with no classes before 930.

But now, I’m stuck at a normal hours job and it fucking sucks. I wake up at 530 am and go to bed at 830 and its so fucking rough and I’m always tired, stealing naps in my few breaks and a nap at home after school (but it’s never restful because the falling asleep issue). After almost 2 years, it’s fucking awful. Everyone around says I should adjust, or I will adjust because that’s natural, but I’ve never been able to adjust. Never.

Anyways, in my research, something just dropped and I was like ‘fuck, that sounds spot on like me’ and it’s called Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder/Syndrome/Whatever. People who have this fall asleep between 1-3am and wake up somewhere around 10-Noon. They cannot adjust to another sleep pattern. So they have trouble falling asleep before that. It’s also like getting woken up in the normal feeling sleep schedule (so like being woken up to the equivalent of midnight or 1am) So they’re tired throughout the day.

This is opposed to people who like the nighttime more than daytime. Those people can switch their sleep schedule after a week or two and feel rested and sleep through the night. But with dspd, it’s fighting a losing battle and that’s cause its a problem with your internal alarm clock completely. It’s just got shifted hours. and it doesn’t want to shift to a normal time.

Anyways, if my continuing with sleep hygiene keeps going with no development on my overall tiredness, I’m likely to go in and talk to psych about that possibility.

for those who are curious, here is a list for sleep hygiene:

7-9 hours of sleep (different sources say different things): Sometimes check.

Go to bed at the same time every night, even weekends (This is also same for when you wake up): check (cause i’m already so tired on the weekends anyways).

Quiet place to sleep: Absolutely check. With Adhd, if there’s any noise, I will not sleep.

Keep bedroom dark and cool: check and check. Again, if there’s light, I will not sleep. I do keep it cool because it helps according to science, tho it doesn’t feel like it.

Your bed is only used for sleep or sex: check and check. I spend no extra in the bedroom except to sleep.

No screens (phones, tvs, etc): check-ish. I have an e-reader but it’s on night mode. so no blue light, very dim lighting, and black background.

Follow a bedtime routine: check. I don’t play video game an hour before, I stay off the computer, and I mindlessly zone out in front of the tv or do mindless apps on my phone, then at 830, i brush my teeth, take some heartburn medicine, go upstairs, and read until i can fall asleep.

Limit daytime naps: check. I ain’t got time to nap.

No caffiene after the afternoon: recently check. I’ll keep this test going to see if its an effect for me.

Exercise: lol no

That’s about what’s the same for every place that mentions sleep hygiene. I do almost every single one of these and still just ugh. Hence why I think it’s more.

I also forgot to mention that with dspd, when given the chance, its a very quick reversion back to the natural sleep wake times, which is also true. I have to be careful not to mess up what progress i have made, though i sincerely want to