#i threw away my entire social life for swim and work. and it’s literally all for nothing.

[randomgumwrapper]

got rejected from my dream school !!!!

[wedreamedlove]

Into Your World [Xu Mo Character Study]

I'm back with another post that's been rattling around in my brain, except it's a bit disconnected. However, there's been a theme that I've wanted to focus in on with Xu Mo: each other's worlds, their dreams (goals and/or fancies), and water imagery.

Contains spoilers for Chapter 24 and unreleased dates in ENG.

First, I want to give a disclaimer that MC is pretty much the only person who can get into the mens' inner worlds, and that's why they're the romantic main characters; but there's just something a little poignant with Xu Mo because of his archetype.

Li Zeyan's archetype makes him belong to another world because of his wealthy background and social status. Zhou Qiluo's archetype makes him belong to another world because it's the dark side of humanity, and he actively tries to keep MC away from that. Bai Qi's archetype is how they're already in the same world and they just need to open up to each other LOL he's the guy next door.

However, Xu Mo's archetype is literally the alienated genius [Official Life History] since he was a child and, after he lost his parents, he just threw himself into his studies and goals and didn't bother making connections with anyone.

Xu Mo: Mm, I graduated early.

Xu Mo's tone was normal, as if it were a matter unrelated to him and there was no sense of pride at all. However, it still made people impressed.

MC: So, when you were in high school, you spent all your time studying?

Xu Mo: At that time, yes.

MC: Why?

Xu Mo: Silly, why are there so many why's? It's just like when you were going to take your entrance exams, there were things I also needed to do.

[Blossom Date - CN Translation]

Heck, even now, MC is the only one he replies to in his Moments [Official Character Profile].

Since the moment we meet him, he takes on the "mentor" role and teaches MC about things. She mentions this all the time, about how he teaches her the laws of the world, etc. Xu Mo is innately part of another world because the realm of geniuses is not supposed to be understood.

However, this isn't a one-way street. Just as we can't understand them, they can't understand us. So, as MC makes an effort to understand Xu Mo, he is also making an effort to understand her.

IMO this is what makes the following interactions extremely tender and romantic.

MC: The white noise you recommended last time was really effective! Lately, my work efficiency has gone up!

Xu Mo: That's good.

Xu Mo: But, instead of your work efficiency, I hope it was useful for your sleeping problem.

MC: Recently, I listen to the sound of rain before sleeping. It feels like everything around me gets quiet when I relax and listen to it.

Xu Mo: It seems like our preferences are the same. I also like to listen to the rain when I'm relaxing.

Xu Mo: The sound of rain droplets striking the roof is calming, isn't it?

MC: It's great collecting only the sounds you like and then completely entering your own world.

Xu Mo: Then, will you also let me hear those sounds?

Xu Mo: I'd like to hear your world.

By the way, given the timeline of this conversation, this is an incredible foreshadowing of his [Nightmare ASMR].

One time, when I was studying in England, I spent months finishing a particularly tricky piece of my dissertation. After I sent it through the mail, it was already nine in the morning. I was a bit tired and planned on sleeping. The weather in England is often rainy, so it was also raining that morning and it was dark. The sound of the rain striking the windowsill was clear and it sounded soothing too.

Then, there was the sound of a piano from below. It was Chopin’s Nocturne, and played very well. Every note mixed in with the sound of the rain… unhurried drops, pitter-pattering. All was quiet, as if I was separated from the world. I stared at the curtains that were being lifted by the wind and, before I knew it, I fell asleep.

[...]

Although I don’t remember it at all anymore, I dimly feel that when I was small I also experienced a night like this. The sound of the rain, the sound of the piano… Outside the window, it’s very, very cold. I can hear the sound of the wind striking the window. And in my half-awake and half-asleep state, I’m put into a warm embrace… Closing my eyes like this… I’m able to sink into a deep, deep sleep… Just like… this right now…

[Fastened Door to the Heart]

MC: From time to time, I just want to go to your world and take a look.

Caption: Actually, I'd rather go to your world and take a look.

So, anyway, going back to the theme of entering each other's inner worlds. You can see it explicitly said here in the Reading Date. They basically exchanged reading material because she wants to understand him, with his complicated science book, and he wants to understand her, with the comics she read when she was young.

Okay, now we're going to switch tracks for a bit and this might seem disconnected (I warned you!), but take my hand because I'm definitely trying to go somewhere with this.

Part of understanding someone's world is learning about their inner thoughts, their dreams, their wishes, their fantasies, however silly or childish or abstract all of these can be.

This is also an incredibly huge point with Xu Mo because, through MC, we're supposed to feel a sense of pressure from such an accomplished scholar character, but he always works hard to diminish that sense of intimidation and presence [Xu Mo's EQ Character Study] and he never demeans her interests or makes her feel lesser for her intelligence.

Xu Mo: Either way, there must be something that only you can create.

MC: Something only I can make... Ah, I know!

Getting an idea, I divided the batter in my hands into two and made a fish and a wing.

I tried combining the two, but something felt missing.

Xu Mo, who came to my side at some point, took a spoon and used it to make scales on the back of the fish.

Xu Mo: Don't you think it looks more like one with this?

Xu Mo: Can you tell me why you thought of this?

MC: ... You won't laugh when you hear it?

Xu Mo: I think it depends on what you tell me.

MC: Then I won't tell you!

Xu Mo: I'm kidding. Will you tell me?

I didn't have anywhere to run when he looked at me and so, cornered, I told him a childish thought that I had never told anyone up to now.

MC: When I was small and I heard the story of Qixi, I thought the Milky Way was a real river with water running through it.

MC: So I ended up worrying over whether the swallows would have an accident, fall into the water, and drown...

MC: I thought that'd be sad for the swallows and so I lied to myself the entire time.

MC: That the ones who made the bridge for the weaver girl and cowherd where flying fish.

I moved the flat fish with its wing in front of him while I spoke, making it fly clumsily.

Xu Mo burst out laughing, as if he wasn't able to hold it back. My face turned bright red from the embarrassment and I returned the fish to the desk.

MC: It's really stupid, isn't it...

Xu Mo: Silly girl, you have batter on your face.

He wiped my face with the pad of his finger. There was a smile that he couldn't suppress on his mouth.

MC revealed her inner child to him, which she had never told anyone else, and he doesn't judge her for it. Please tell me you can feel the tenderness radiating out of this interaction!

Now, although the above interaction was Qixi-themed, I still find it intriguing that she replaced the swallows with (flying) fish. Because Xu Mo is all about water imagery [Xu Mo Character Study] and this appears in their next interaction below.

[Sonnet In The Eyes] "It looks like I'll be inside your most beautiful dream for certain."

I'm not going to do line quotes here because it's too long LOL but in this date, Spring Morning, they end up having a conversation about dreams and, one time when Xu Mo dozed off in his lab, he dreamed that he was a fish.

His surroundings were dark and he couldn't see the state of the water but, with a thought, he could swim a long distance. When he opened his mouth, only bubbles would come out. When he raised his head, he would see the light filtering through the waves. Sometimes, he would hear the chirps of birds transmitted through surface of the lake.

He knew he was dreaming, because he's a light sleeper, but he still observed how the wind seemed to blow above the lake and that it was the height of summer. Maybe, when it got dark, he'd be able to see the stars and fireflies. He thought about asking another fish for directions but he couldn't find anyone around him. Then he woke up.

At that time, he had run into problems in his work and, even after half a year, there was no progress. In his dream, he rashly thought that if he really was a fish then he wouldn't need to work. But, after he woke up, he suddenly had a flash of inspiration. Later, he concluded that this dream was able to let him relax a little, set his mind blank, and that's when he could get back to work.

Look at him tell MC about his dreams, reveal his struggles, and reveal his inner thoughts. He's telling her about the time when, even someone like him, met with difficulties and felt the urge to just throw it all out and give up. He's letting her into his world and that's love, baby!

Psst, don't forget about the water imagery with him being a fish.

[Flowers on the Path] "I thought it over a thousand times, and then there came a reply."

Xu Mo: Are you home already? I saw the photo you sent me.

MC: Mhm, I just got home.

Xu Mo: Lately, you've been sending me photos of clouds. Is there any special meaning behind them?

MC: Not really. I just wanted to share with Professor Xu, who is always cooped up in his lab, a good way to reduce stress.

Xu Mo: Oh? What is it?

MC: First, look at the picture.

Xu Mo: Mm, I'm looking.

MC: Then close your eyes and imagine yourself as that cloud. Tell me, what do you see?

Xu Mo: I seem... to only see pitch darkness?

MC: Pfff, I mean you can use your imagination. For example... what sights you see and what you feel.

Xu Mo: Alright, I see... a clear sky and bright sunlight. Sometimes... birds will fly past.

MC: Will they say hello to you?

Xu Mo: They'll slow down and roll around on me, frolicking.

MC: Haha, and then?

Xu Mo: And then I'll drift around leisurely like this until I see another cloud. Although it's our first meeting, I'll feel like I've known her since a long time ago.

MC: Maybe she feels the same way.

Xu Mo: So we'll click immediately and slowly lean against each other.

MC: Hahaha, as expected of our Professor Xu! Your imagination is so rich.

Xu Mo: This method really is effective and it can let me clear out my mind. After resting for a while, even my feelings are much calmer.

MC: Oh! Then Professor Xu will have two methods of relieving stress now.

Xu Mo: Two?

MC: Yup, during the day, you can look at the sky and imagine yourself as a free floating "cloud"; at night, in your dreams, you can be a "fish" swimming in the great sea with no restraints. Like this, regardless of whether it's day or night, you can say goodbye to your worries.

Xu Mo: Haha, I have to go up into the sky and then down into the water. Why do I feel like I'm even busier?

MC: Hahaha, that's true.

Xu Mo: However, compared to these, I have another method which I like even more.

MC: Oh? What is it?

Xu Mo: It's staying beside "another cloud" or "another fish". Even if we don't do anything, it can get rid of an entire day's worth of exhaustion and I'll be able to get a good rest. May I ask what she thinks about this method?

[Reducing Stress - Call]

Callbacks. I love PG's callbacks so much.

But, linking this back to everything, they're both exercising their imagination together and it shows their inner world more to each other. Not to mention, they literally bring back how he once dreamed about being a fish to escape the stress of his work.

Now, I'm changing gears again, but this time I want to talk about the physical world they're both in and how their different philosophies set them on opposite sides. I wrote about the [Use of Horror in Ch19 Study] and how, in that chapter, you can see her greatest fears manifested in what Ares does there, but also what she resolves herself to do.

They literally walk away from each other because, according to Xu Mo, their "destinations" were different from the very beginning.

However, when we get to Chapter 24...

MC: ... What if the future we both want is different? I might become your obstacle.

Xu Mo: Right now isn't the time to come to a conclusion.

Xu Mo: Reality will inevitably have pain. However, to run away from reality because of that will just lead to more regret.

Xu Mo: I'm certain the future you wish for will be beautiful and it'll be able to touch anyone's heart.

Xu Mo: You're going to take me to that sort of future. Right?

MC: ... Yes!

MC: But after the worlds become one, even if I fail then I won't be able to do things over again. If that happens...

Xu Mo: Everything will end.

Xu Mo: But that's the path you chose, right? I believe in your choice.

Xu Mo: This time, I'll follow behind you.

He had always been walking in front of me, but now he was entrusting himself to the choice I believed in.

I made my decision.

MC: Follow me closely then.

Xu Mo grabbed my hand and lightly swung it.

Xu Mo: Is this good?

My cheeks burned and I spoke incoherently.

MC: Then... don't ever let go!

Xu Mo: Mm, I'm holding on tightly.

He showed a gentle smile that was like the sunlight of spring.

Before I knew it, our fingers intertwined and it was like we exchanged a quiet promise.

I looked at our joined hands and something hot suddenly welled up in my heart.

In this immense space-time, there were countless obstacles stretched ahead of us. For a long time, we both walked with our backs to each other.

There were still unsolved mysteries between us, but now I felt like I could face anything.

This time it was my turn to pull his hand and run towards that spring without stopping.

That's love! This is love! He loves her so much!

From the beginning, Xu Mo and MC were people in different worlds (their innate nature and their philosophies) but, throughout their relationship, they both keep making efforts to understand each other and enter each other's inner worlds.

It literally culminates here in Xu Mo willing to set down his beliefs and follow hers. He's trusting in her vision of the future and that's basically a proposal from someone like him.

I literally don't have anything else to say without devolving into sappy poetry or romantic lines or something, but these two have laid their souls bare to each other and accepted every side of the other person, regardless of how alien, childish, vicious, ugly, or weird it can be. Literally, "If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known."

[purplesurveys]

358

In the last year, have you...

Moved: No, I’ve lived in the same house for about a decade. Started a new job:  Nope, and I don’t exactly plan to do so until after I graduate. Traveled to another country: Nah, not this year. Traveled to another continent: Most definitely not lmao, if ^ that’s already a no. Eaten sushi: So many times, my dude. Gab and I had sushi for our anniversary.

Been drunk: Yep. As recently as last Saturday. Been high: Never plan to. Been to the dentist: At the start of the year I think. We always get our teeth checked once a year. Bought a new car: Nah, still using my usual one and I never want to trade it for something else, at least while I’m still in college. Had a broken heart: Uh, sure. It sounds cheesy but yeah I’ve felt hurt here and there. Spent over $1,000 in one day: I’ve never even held that much money. Maybe my parents did this, but I haven’t. Kissed a stranger: As a demisexual, the prospect is terrifying. Haven’t done this. Finished a jigsaw puzzle: I don’t think I got to play with puzzles this year. Cooked or baked something from scratch: Yes!!! I’m glad to say I baked something this year! Angela, Hans, Rap, and I spontaneously decided to bake chocolate chip cookies when classes got suspended halfway through the day because of an incoming typhoon. Started a new relationship: No, still in the same relationship as I’ve been in in the last two years. Broken up with someone: Nope. Been broken up with: Nope. Been in the same relationship you were in last year: There we go. Explored a large city: I guess, in the few moments that I had the time. Been to a wedding: No but my mom was invited to a couple this year. I miss going to weddings :( Been to a funeral: Thankfully not. Been to a baby shower: I don’t think so, not this year. Held a baby: Earlier in the year. Angela’s mom (who works as a pediatrician) threw a party and some of her patients and their kids were invited, and one of the kids was a really chubby baby girl that I couldn’t help but hold. Seen a therapist: No, I’ve been putting it off for the longest time. Bought new furniture: My mom’s in charge of that, not me, so no. Made new friends: Sure, you always meet some new people in college. This year it was most notably new recruits in my org, like Tina and Kezhia. Called in sick to work/school: Haven’t we all... Deleted a social media account: I didn’t delete, just deactivate. I’m doing a massive social media detox this Christmas break because everyone’s happy and family-centric posts make me sicker this time of the year. Started a new hobby: Coloring came to me as an impulse hobby last month as Christmas had been approaching, and while I feel sad about flushing so much money in one go over coloring books and supplies, I’m still happy I made an active effort to look out for myself this year. This hobby’s a blassssssst so far. Met a famous person: I don’t think so, if I remember correctly haha. I was like 10 feet away from Paramore but I was too scared to volunteer myself for Misery Business. Went to a concert: I DID!!! I saw Paramore for the second time!!!!!! August 23rd. BEST night of my life, even if I went alone. I don’t know if I ever reported that here but the experience was amaaaaaazing. Best band ever. Traveled via train: The railway system in the Philippines is shit. No way am I voluntarily riding a train. Traveled via airplane: Yes, I went to Bataan over the Holy Week. Been on a road trip: Yes, my dad loves doing road trips so whenever he’s home, we do 1-3 of them. I also did a road trip with just Gab and I when we went to Nasugbu for my birthday. Donated to charity: Not really for charity since they’re sometimes sketchy, but I regularly give money and food to homeless people who knock on my window when I’m stuck in traffic. Been to a country club: Yeah, a few months ago. Went swimming: Many times. The weather this year was not exactly the most convenient, so we went to a LOT of beaches to cool down. Went surfing: Nah, I’m too afraid to try. My sister and parents have had a few lessons but my balance is mostly off haha. Went hiking: NOOOOOOOO UGH I miss hiking! I wish I’d get to do it next year. Had a gym membership: I don’t think I need one, so no I’ve never tried to apply for a membership. Had an argument with a friend: I mean, just with Gabie. I never had an argument with any of my other friends. Had a family reunion: Yeah...dad’s side. It was huge, we rented out a small hotel for it cos literally everyone from my paternal grandmother’s side was there. I was mostly stoked about the food and the couple of dogs that my relatives brought. Went for a walk in a park: This country doesn’t prioritize and maintain their parks, a damn shame. We go for walks at the mall - that’s more of the culture here. Been in the hospital: If I remember correctly, no. Attended a professional sporting event: No. The UAAP (our version of the NCAA) season this year was CRRRRAZY good though, but I never got to get tickets because acads consumed me throughout the semester. Earned a new degree or diploma: I’m in the process of getting one, but no I didn’t earn it this year. Been to a museum: I went back to Pinto this year with Aya, Laurice, Jo, Jum, and Luisa then had a drink atop Antipolo after. Been to an art gallery: Numerous ones with Gab. They pop up every now and then at the mall and we always go through them. Went camping: I was way too busy this year. Went fishing: I don’t like doing that :c Struggled with an eating disorder: No, I’ve never been diagnosed with such a disorder. Been in credit card debt: I don’t even have a credit card. Had new neighbors move in next door: Nope, the houses on either side of ours have long been uninhabited. Gotten drunk at a work party: At an org party, sure. Dyed your hair: Nope. But Gabie did, she had the ends of her hair dyed like a weird blondeish a few months ago. My sister also got brown dye delivered to the house a couple of days ago, so I should be expecting her look to change soon too. Gotten a manicure: Not a big fan of getting my nails painted. Been to a casino: I wouldn’t be allowed to get inside even if I wanted to haha. The one time I smoothly went inside was in 2016 when I was on my cruise trip. The only things I remember is that it the place was filled with flashing lights and everything was super colorful. Voted in an election: No elections happened this year. But we will have our midterm elections in 2019 and I intend to vote then. Shopped at a bookstore: SO MANY TIMESSSSS. Call 2018 the year I got obsessed with school supplies, cos I definitely went overboard with buying pad paper, highlighters, post-its, and, pens. Dined at a fancy restaurant: Many times with Gab. Sat in a sauna: I hate saunas and can’t comprehend how my mom enjoys it so damn much. It’s hot enough in Manila, why salivate at the thought of saunas??? R u ok??? Had a panic attack: Hahaha, I remember so many occasions. Attended a religious service: My family is Catholic, I get dragged to church every week. Been pulled over for speeding: I don’t think speeding is a thing here. People drive like death and I’ve never actually heard of someone getting pulled over for this reason. Stayed awake all night: It happens. Borrowed money from a friend or family member: Gabie lent me a thousand bucks (relax, that’s like $20). I was so short of money last week but I still had a bunch of Santa babies to give gifts to, so I went into a panic until she stepped in and lent me money. Lent money to a friend or family member: I give Gab money sometimes since she commutes from her dorm to my school, but I don’t ask for it back unless I really need the money. Been to an amusement park: LOL pass. I hate amusement parks. Gotten a new pet: No, I still have the same dumb dog. Had strep throat: My throat hurt like a bitch a few months ago. Had food poisoning: I don’t think so. Had the stomach flu: Sure. Binge-watched a show on Netflix: Friends and Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Shoveled snow: We don’t get snowwwww. Mowed a lawn: We don’t have a lawn. Bought a new computer: Nope, still have my same trusty laptop. Bought a new phone: My dad got me an iPhone 8 early in the year.

Worked out using a fitness tracker: I don’t work out. Eaten an entire pizza by yourself: Hehe. Felt an earthquake: I don’t think there were any recognizable ones this year. Taken out a loan: I’m a clueless 20 year old and I don’t know what this means, but I’m guessing no. Been prescribed antibiotics: Nope. Sold something on eBay: I don’t use eBay. Painted a room in your house: My control freak of a mom would never let us get away with that.

[thirstygirlclub]

Duchess - 2

Chapter 2 – He Did Look A Bit Crazy

NEED SOME IMPORTANT FEEDBACK-PLEASE READ TO THE END TO LEARN ABOUT MY CAT

Since leaving LA, my life had become so boring. Charming was cute and everything but it was dull. It took one afternoon to look around anything that might be interesting, which was nothing by the why. There was nothing here. Daddy said I should go out with my family to make a good impression so I went with them a couple of times to introduce ourselves to the people who owned the stores and stuff. There was literally no designer stores or even a Target.

“Come on,” Daddy said as he opened the door to my room, “we’re going to see the man who owns the garage. He and his wife are big parts of the community.”

“Really?” I scoffed, “now? I’m just about to go and sit in the garden.”

“Dressed. Now. We want to make good first impressions with these people so make yourself pretty. Ok sweetheart?”

“Yes Daddy.”

He nodded, satisfied with my answer and shut the door when he left. I threw the blankets off my body and made my way over to my walk in closet, Romeo yawned and I couldn’t agree more. 11:30 is way too early to get actually dressed. What did Daddy even mean, “make yourself look pretty”? Like, obviously.

It only took me an hour and a half to get ready. I put the white cardigan over my short floral sundress and fastened the pearls into my ears. My hair was curled to perfection in golden ringlets down to my waist and pushed back with a baby blue headband. I decided to wear high white wedge sandals on my feet and I was ready to go. I know Mom would be really pleased with my minimal makeup so when she smiled at me I felt all warm and fuzzy.

“You’re going to have to leave Romeo with Greta; it will be dangerous at the garage,” Daddy said with an apologetic tone.

“Seriously?!”

Jack laughed and I glared at him. We spent another half an hour having the same lecture that he always gave us whenever we were going to a social event. We stood there obediently but I had stopped listening as soon as I heard the words “now listen”. Jack and I shared a fed up look.

“Yes Sir,” we said together when he had finished.

We had to go in Mom’s car since we couldn’t all fit in the Lambo. Daddy didn’t stop talking the entire time he was driving. He was telling us about the work that this guy’s wife did with the local schools and how the garage was a family run business and just boring stuff. Greta had baked a cake that I was supposed to tell them that me and Mom made together earlier in the morning. I nodded along without listening. It was stuff I had heard before.

“Right,” Daddy said as we pulled into the garage, “best behaviour from you two and leave your phones in the car.”

“Oh come on!” Jack protested.

“Daddy! Why?”

“You are going to be friendly and sociable with the people that work there, ok?”

“Yes Sir.” We said with a huff and a sigh.

Once our phones were safely tucked under the seats we got out of the car to go and play Brady Bunch with this guy. Ugh. All I wanted to do was sit in the garden and maybe go for a swim but no. we have to come out here to talk to some boring old guy and his wife about cars and this boring town. I didn’t even care about cars and the garage looked disgusting. Why the heck did we even need to come if Daddy was just going to leave us to talk to the other people anyway?

Across the lot there was a couple walking towards us. A guy with grey hair and a woman with brown hair and tacky blonde highlights. Great.

Daddy greeted them with a fake smile and friendly voice that he always used when he was going to brown nose someone. Mom gave the woman her cake that we had to pretend we made then Daddy introduced me and Jack.

“This is my eldest,” Daddy said pointing to me, “Catherine and her brother Jack. Come on kids, be polite.”

I stepped forwards with a sweet smile to shake their hands. The old man, Clay, explained that their daughter was out right now with her boyfriend but their son, Jax, was working on some cars. I turned to look at Jack with a smug grin. All I had heard from him since we left that disgusting motel was Jax this, Jax that, isn’t Jax so cool? My brother totally had a crush on him and it was hilarious. Jack looked at me with wide eyes and an open mouth but then composed himself to make his introductions. He looked at me and shook his head but there was literally no point in telling me no; I was totally going to find that guy and tell him all about Jack’s crush.

“Well, the boys love cake. What is it?” The woman, Gemma, asked as she looked between me and Mom.

I looked around to Mom who told her it was chocolate and raspberry. I nodded, happy that Mom at least knew what it was because I had no idea. I could tell that Gemma wasn’t buying Daddy’s act but Daddy didn’t look like he had realised this. They talked for a bit in the middle of the lot while Jack and I looked around bored. While they weren’t looking, Jack pulled a face and it made me laugh.

“Ok kids,” Daddy said, “we’re gonna go talk to Clay and Gemma in their office. You two will be alright won’t you?”

“Yeah, totally.” I said with a smile.

They nodded then started walking away with Gemma and Clay. I immediately looked around for Jax, the blonde guy from the motel. Jack went to grab my arm but I pulled it out of the way just in time as I saw Jax in the car place. I shouted over to him and started to jog over. He looked up and raised his eyebrows in shock but greeted me with a wave. Jack ran after me and tried to pull me back but I just pushed him off with a scoff and irritated sigh. The guys in the car thing were now looking at us in amusement and I laughed at Jack’s embarrassment.

“Well hey there Darlin’” Jax said with an easy smile, “how are you doing? Feeling better than when I last saw you?”

“Totally! That motel was so disgusting I don’t even know how you slept in it! So my brother, Jack, has the biggest crush on you and literally hasn’t stopped talking about you and your friends since we left!” I laughed.

Jax looked behind me to Jack who was probably bright red and moving his mouth like a fish. He smiled and laughed a bit but then grabbed my arm and pulled me as he stepped back. I was disgusted at first but then realised he had pulled me out of the way of Jack who had tried to grab me again.

“Oh Jax!” I wailed and turned around to Jack with a smug smile, “he is so cool! You think he liked me? He’s so good looking! How old do you think he is?”

“Shut up!” Jack growled.

I ducked behind Jax as my brother went for me again. Jax was laughing now too but Jack was so unimpressed.

“Oh Jax!” I sighed again, “Do you think he styles his hair? Should I grow my hair out too?!”

“You bitch!”

Jack went for me again and Jax moved out the way. I shouted at him, calling him a traitor but running around the car he had been working on so it was now between my brother and me. Surprisingly none of the guys that were in the garage were stopping us. Instead, they had stopped working to watch us.

“You think he would like me?! Oh Jax!”

Jack growled and rounded the car and I ran back into the lot to see Daddy coming back out of the office. I started to stop, my feet shuffling on the floor and Jack running into my back as he saw Daddy a bit too late. I straightened out my dress and cardigan as Jack tucked his shirt back into his cargo shorts and we smiled and waved back over to the adults across the lot.

“Are you kids behaving?!” Daddy shouted over.

“Yes Daddy!” I shouted back, “Jax is teaching us all about cars!”

Daddy looked back at the blonde man who came out to stand next to us, wiping his hands on a rag. He waved over too, going along with mine and Jack’s act. Daddy’s nodded, pleased with what we were doing and walked with Mr and Mrs Morrow over to Mom’s car. Displeased that they would now be able to see what we were doing, I sighed and crossed my arms only to see an oily handprint on my white cardigan.

“Oh my gosh!” I squeaked, “this is Gucci!”

“Sorry Darlin’” Jax said, “just tryin’ to help.”

I huffed but just rolled my sleeves up so that I couldn’t see it anymore. I guess I couldn’t be too angry because he had stopped Jack from getting me. I could just throw it in the garbage if Greta couldn’t get the stain out. Jax invited us into the Sons of Anarchy hang out and I thing Jack was gonna explode. He hadn’t stopped talking about joining their gang as well. I was getting really bored with it.

“You think Dad will let me get a tattoo?” Jack whispered to me when he looked at the black marks under Jax’s white shirt.

“Daddy won’t even let us have boyfriends,” I told him and rolled my eyes, “plus you’re 15. You aren’t even old enough to get one. What would you even get?”

“I don’t know, like a wolf or something on my chest. Besides I look 21, right? I could get a fake ID.”

“I’m not letting you get a fake ID just so you can get a tacky wolf tattooed on your chest. Forget it. Wait 3 years and see what Daddy says.”

“Such a killjoy.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes again as we were led over to the bar. Jax asked us what we wanted and I told him that Jack will have a diet coke and I would have a sparkling water with a slice of lemon. We weren’t allowed sugar. Jack protested saying he wanted a beer but I cut him off, saying Daddy would never forgive me if he got drunk. Jax seemed to find this funny and let him have a sip of his beer. The face Jack pulled was hilarious.

“That’s disgusting!” he exclaimed and I laughed, “why do people drink that?”

Jax shrugged but laughed as well. Ok, so maybe this guy wasn’t so bad, he was kind of fun. He and his friends just looked scary and the fact that they were in a gang was kind of scary too but I couldn’t help but wonder if that guy that broke the vending machine was here.  I wasn’t going to ask though, obviously.

“So, we heard you’ve been doing the rounds in town,” Jax said and pointed to a table, “sit down if you want.”

I looked at the chairs and table sceptically but thought I was already dirty so I may as well sit down. Jack sat beside me and in front of Jax, looking at him like he was a god or something. He was pretty good looking and muscular too but Jack and I had spent the summer at Venice Beach so I had seen bigger guys.

“Do you how many times we have had to introduce ourselves?” Jack said.

“And we had to pretend to be interested in literally all the people and stuff that we saw! There are only so many questions you can ask about combs and scissors, you know?” I agreed and rolled my eyes, “it’s been so boring. And there’s literally no good looking guys! Everyone is either old or a kid.”

Jack nodded.

“Oh,” Jax said and looked at Jack with raised eyebrows, “you’re actually gay? I thought your sister was joking.”

“Is there a problem with that?”  I asked.

I saw Jack look away, embarrassed or angry I couldn’t tell. I put my drink down and looked at the blonde guy with a scowl. Me and Jack might not get along all the time but he was still my little brother and if anyone made him feel bad or hurt him I would kill them. Jax put his hands up and shook his head.

“Nah, it’s cool.”

“Good.”

We stayed for way too long. I don’t know what Daddy was talking to Clay and Gemma about but it took hours. We learnt about the gang that they were apart of but I tried to steer the conversation away from it before Jack exploded with excitement. He just kept asking questions so I just stopped trying in the end. When I looked around the bar that we were in I couldn’t help but notice how brown everything was. It was kind of cool looking but it was all motorcycle themed and stuff so it was a bit boring. Eventually, Daddy came in to look for us.

“Ready to go guys?” he said with a fake smile.

We nodded, said goodbye to Jax and made our way back to the car. A few steps away from the car I happened to look around towards where there were guys working on cars and my eyes almost automatically found a man that I recognised as the guy from the vending machine. He was stood leaning against the wall at the back of the car place with his hands in his pockets and watching me. Not the family or looking around the view, me. I stopped in my tracks and looked back at him. I was way too far away to see his eyes but I knew they were dark and brown and really intense.

“Want to stay Cat?” Jack asked, making me look at him.

“Heck no.”

I took a hesitant step towards the car, with this guy watching my every move. I felt myself blush so I hid my face behind my hair and got in the car quickly, almost stumbling over my shoes. When I looked back through the window, the man was still there and still watching me.

“You ok sweetheart?” Daddy asked, looking at me in the rear view mirror.

“Yes Daddy, I’m just really tired.”

He nodded and turned the car around to leave the garage. It was like I could feel him watching the car but my family talked happily on the way back home.

“Dad, Jax is so cool!” Jack was saying but I rolled my eyes and just stopped listening.

When we were finally home, I cuddled Romeo and we went up to our room to get changed for the garden. When we went back down to the garden I saw Daddy sat under the parasol talking on the phone. He waved at me but kept talking on the phone. He was talking about his business and what we were doing in this boring little town.

Apparently, we were building some luxury apartments on the land outside of the town and a cool mall with actual stores in and clubs. Thank goodness! Maybe the Charming people would finally learn to have fun and dress better. Maybe Gemma could get a less tacky hairstyle.

“-had to pay Clay Morrow for some protection business,” Daddy was saying as I lay on the pool lounger, “I know, I know but he told me there’s some shifty people around Charming that might not want these apartments built up... I don’t know Jerry, these people are stuck in the 50’s.”

He was talking to Uncle Jerry. I had known him since I was a little girl and he was the person that gave me Romeo as a puppy for my 21st birthday. I shouted to Daddy to tell Uncle Jerry hi from me.

“Yeah, that was Catherine. She says hi. He says hi back sweetheart! Jerry, come on, it’s not that much. We’ll just ask the investors to put a bit more money towards the project; they don’t want the site to be sabotaged right? Yeah exactly… The Sons of Anarchy… I don’t know some club or something… no, you think I would really make a contract with criminals? I’ve got better business sense than that. Gemma and Clay are big in the community, everyone loves them.”

I turned up my music so I could tune out of the conversation wanting peace and quiet. I really wish Daddy would leave and go somewhere else.  The whole business thing was so boring. I found myself thinking about Jax and his friends. Maybe he wasn’t so bad, he was actually kind of funny so maybe his friends weren’t so bad either? Then I started thinking about the guy with dark eyes and tattoos on his arms. He was so intense; it was like I could feel his eyes burning a hole through me when I was in the car. I needed to stop thinking about him but I couldn’t get that intense look, and the way I felt under it, out of my head. He was just so interesting to me, I had never in my life seen someone that looked like him. We never hung around with people with tattoos because Daddy said that tattoos were only for prostitutes and criminals. He didn’t look like a prostitute but Daddy said that his friends weren’t criminals. Maybe he was crazy; he did look a bit crazy.

HAPPY – 3RD PERSON POV

“You’re gonna make her uncomfortable,” Juice told Happy with a smirk, “stop staring.”

“I’m not staring.”

He was definitely staring at her; he was always staring at her but this was the first time she had seen him. He had seen her around town with her little yapping rat in her arms, never on the floor. They looked like they had come from some kind of 80’s TV show, they were the perfect nuclear family with two married parents, a boy and a girl. The boy looked like any high school football player- tall and broad with a handsome face and dark hair like the dad; the girl was probably a cheerleader, top of the pyramid kind of girl- small and slim with curly golden hair and Happy knew she had silver eyes that widened like a bunny in headlights when she was surprised. The family dynamic was strange to him; he had never had that in his life. They had probably never even been near a prison or drugs or guns.

“She is cute though,” Juice said and joined his friend against the wall as he watched her, “you think she’s single?”

Happy scoffed; a girl like that wouldn’t be single if his disjointed knowledge of popular kids in high school told him anything. She had a boyfriend who was captain of the football team or something.

“You’re not her type,” he told the younger man.

“How do you know? She might like a bad boy.”

He doubted this very much. Before he could reply though, Clay called them all over to tell them they were needed in the chapel after the garage closed for the day. It could only be about what had been discussed between Clay and Mr Duke-Dillinger.

Happy made sure everything was tidied away and cleaned up before they closed up for the evening. Clutter was not something he could live or work around, something he had probably got from his mother. He found himself cleaning when he couldn’t think clearly. It was like the cleaner the surfaces and items around him were the calmer he felt. Once everything was lined up and put in its proper place he went and joined his brothers in the chapel to see what Clay was thinking about the Duke-Dillinger family. If it wasn’t big it wouldn’t be being taken to church.

“Right,” Clay said and banged the gavel on the table; calling the men to attention, “the Duke-Dillinger’s are gonna be a problem. I guess you’ve heard the rumours in town of what they are planning on doing and you’ve probably guessed that no one is happy about it.”

“Yeah, the kids were saying they’ve been going  around town talking to everyone,” Jax said, thinking back to his talk with them, “kids are nice though.”

“You think? I found them sickening.”

“Nah, they were like that for ‘Daddy’ but when I got them on their own they were great.”

Tig and Juice nodded in agreement, mentioning the fight and game of chase they had in the garage. Happy had been there too but had been hiding in the corner office of the work area. It had been amusing to watch two rich kids running around the cars and tools looking way too polished to be anywhere near motor oil and car grease but they ran around like it was a playground.

“Whatever,” Clay shrugged, “if we let them build all that shit we lose control of the town. I’ve been in this town for 31 years, Jax was born here and these guys have been here for two minutes thinking they can over turn and take control of everything we have. We’re not gonna let that happen.”

“What do we do?” Tig asked.

“I’ve told Mr Duke-Dillinger about The Mayans and told him they won’t be happy with the new development. He’s gonna pay us for protection.”

“So we’re gonna let it happen?” Jax asked, taking a drag of his cigarette.

“Of course not! The closer we are to the project, the easier it will be to shut it down.”

“Good plan,” Tig said, “they’ll never think it was us.”

Clay nodded and with all of their agreements, the gavel fell back down onto the table and the heavy, serious atmosphere dissipated and joyful chatter resumed. Juice and Tig were talking about the kids, Catherine in particular. They said she was cute and speculated about how she was in bed, saying she looked like a virgin but was most definitely kinky and dirty in bed.

“It’s always the quiet ones,” Tig said in a conspiratorial voice, “that’s what I’ve learned. Under that sundress and pearls there’s piercings and tattoos, I bet you.”

Happy rolled his eyes and walked away from the conversation, leaving the guys to their dirty conversation.

 WOOOOO- so this is how its gonna go. Catherine couldn’t give a shit about what her dad was doing and what’s going on in Charming because she is completely self-centred. Because she isn’t interested, we are going to be seeing it from Happy’s side of things every now and again, I hope this is alright. I still think she’s cute though and her brothers crush on Jax is adorable, I hope you don’t think she’s too mean to him- she is his big sister after all, that’s just what big sisters are like lol.

For the way that Happy is going to be around her I took inspiration from my cat (Bandit), believe it or not. This is usually how it goes.

1.       Hide around corners and behind walls to watch the new person until he knows you are not a threat.

2.       When no threat is established, he will sit in full view of you but will not come any closer- runs away when you come near-> go back to step one.

3.       He will sit on the same piece of furniture as you but will run away if you try and touch him-> go back to step one if touched.

4.       He might come for some attention (likes head and cheek kisses)

5.       He will then sit with his paw on you, wants constant attention

6.       Will stare at you when you are asleep then when you are awake

7.       He probably likes you at this point so he will start to bring you gifts, a half alive mouse (you need to learn to kill, useless human) or other small creature. If you are particularly special, you will get the head of a bird.

8.       He now loves you and will not stop pestering you for your attention, no peace, will wake you up if he wants a kiss and a cuddle-needy boy.

9.       Follows you everywhere

I’m not saying Happy is gonna start giving her the heads of dead birds (even though it does kind of sound like something he might do). I don’t know, I just kind of imagine it is hard to get Happy to like and trust you so you have to work really hard and go slowly because he’ll be scared away if not. Tell me what you think!

See you in the next one!

Lots of love, from

Doe

Xxxxxxx

 PS- I am a vegetarian and killing things (even insects and stuff) makes me cry but I have to pretend to be happy and proud of him because he caught it, ripped the head and off then carried it all the way home for me. My boy is a killer but so loving, just like I imagine Happy to be! I have up to now received about 6 bird heads, a live fish, 5 mice, 2 frogs and someone’s pet hamster. He must really love me.

[imagining-supernatural]

Looking Forward To It

Summary: Your friend from college surprises you with a visit while he’s in town

Word Count: 1846

Warnings: None!

A/N: I started writing this a week after I started this blog (before I wrote Just Leave), but I couldn’t quite get into the Sam frame of mind since I was 100% a Dean!Girl back then, but I thought I would try to get over my writer’s block on As It Seems by finishing this up. So I hope you all enjoy a fluffy Sam oneshot! And I hope my muse comes back from vacation soon!

Version en Español: Lo Estoy Deseando

“Let’s run it again,” you said as soon as the five minutes you’d allotted for a break was up. Surprisingly, no one complained. You’d been rehearsing like a slave driver all day and none of your fellow dancers seemed like they were ready to drop from exhaustion yet.

Everyone got in their positions and you pushed play on the remote. As soon as the guitar played the opening notes of Ellie Goulding’s On My Mind, all fifteen of you started moving. You’d choreographed the entire dance and were proud of the simple complexity of the movements. Each dancer interacted with every other dancer at some point in the song. The simple moves you based the dance off took a whole new life with every beat that passed, and the artistic leeway you’d given everyone else to add in their own flavor just made the dance seem like a mess of styles and bodies, but there were certain parts of the song when everyone would suddenly snap into simultaneous movement, only to break apart a few beats later.

Three and a half minutes later, the music ended and everyone was grinning from ear to ear. They could all tell that it had been the best run-through yet.

“Alright guys, you’re free to go. We’re totally ready for this weekend,” you announced. Despite their happy moods and eagerness to dance, they all relaxed immediately and started for the door. You turned to get your water, but were arrested at the sight of a familiar man standing at the door, watching you. “Sam?”

“Y/N,” Sam smiled and walked over to pull you into a hug.

You squirmed out of his arms. “Sam, I’m all sweaty.”

He just laughed it off. “So? I haven’t seen you in, what’s it been?”

“Six years? Seven? What happened to you after you left?”

Sam leaned down and grabbed your bag with your street shoes and handed it to you. You grinned at the familiar movement. Back when you’d been attending Stanford at the same time, you’d befriended the friendly giant. Jess had been one of your best friends and you actually ended up introducing them.

Then the fire killed Jess, and Sam went MIA. You couldn’t blame him. You’d wanted to run away too, but instead you’d channeled everything into your dancing and graduated at the very top of your class. In just a few short years you’d managed to work your way to the top of the most prestigious dance companies in the nation. Once you accomplished that, you found that you were becoming bored, so you quit and started your own company to compete all around the nation.

“I’ve just been working with my brother. What about you? Still dancing, I see.”

“I don’t think I could stop if I tried,” you grinned and quickly changed into your street shoes and pulled on some sweats.

Sam led the way outside and glanced at the street where a beautiful black car was parked. He pulled you to a stop under the shade of a tree. “So, my brother and I are in town for a few days. Do you wanna get drinks sometime?”

“I’ve got a competition this weekend so—“

“Coffee, then?” He changed his offer, knowing that you didn’t drink alcohol before a competition, not that you drank much anyway.

A soft smile came over your face. “Sure. I’d like that.”

“Great! So…” He trailed off, apparently not knowing what to say next.

“Oh, well I guess I should give you my new number, then.” You scrambled to get your phone out of your bag and exchanged numbers with Sam. You made plans to meet at a local diner the next day before parting ways.

As you walked away, guilt warred with happiness. You were glad that you’d run into Sam, but felt guilty for feeling so happy about the semi-date. It felt wrong somehow, since he used to date Jess who used to be your best friend. You didn’t want to move in on her territory and tarnish the memory of their relationship, but you’d liked Sam before he even knew Jess.

However, your feelings hadn’t meant squat after they met. They were practically a match made in heaven.

Still, the guilt didn’t stop you from spending more time than usual on your makeup the next day. You got to the diner a few minutes early and waited outside in the sun for Sam. You closed your eyes and leaned back against the warm glass window. There wasn’t much time to just relax anymore. You were either in a dance studio, or in your office at your apartment. Running your own dance company and scouting for competitions worth your time took more time than you’d imagined.

Footsteps approaching prompted you to open your eyes and your smile was immediate when you saw Sam walking up. You barely noticed the other man next to him as you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around Sam, giving him a real hug, now that you were clean. “Hey, Sam.”

“Y/N.” Sam stepped back, but he kept a hand on the small of your back. “This is my brother Dean.”

His alarmingly green eyes were the first thing you saw, then you noticed the rest of him. “Nice to meet you, Dean.” To Sam, you stage-whispered, “Your family has great genes.”

Sam just rolled his eyes and nudged you toward the door. The three of you picked a booth and slid in, Dean on one side, you and Sam on the other. Dean rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward. “So how did you two meet?”

“She tackled me,” Sam said casually.

You smacked his arm with the back of your hand. “I did not!” You turned back to Dean. “I was running late for class one day and literally ran into Sam because he was loitering around a corner like some creeper.”

“I was looking at a map, not loitering,” Sam argued.

You twisted around on the bench seat until you were facing him. Cocking an eyebrow, you smirked. “And it’s not possible to multi-task? You can definitely loiter and look at a map at the same time.”

The waitress came over and took your orders. Sam grinned at your usual order of salad and “as many fries as you can fit onto a plate as possible.” He and Jess used to tease you about your contradictory taste in food. Really though, it was just the fries. You ate healthy nearly all the time, but if a place had fries, then you were sunk. Self-control out the window. Hasta la vista, baby.

“What’ve you been doing besides dancing?” Sam asked.

And you laughed. “You think I really have a social life or hobbies? I think I went to an amusement park like, a year ago? Someone from my dance crew dragged me on a hike last month. But that’s about it.”

“We’ll have to do something about that while I’m in town.”

Did he just ask you out on a date? You glanced over at his brother, but noticed that he had all of his attention focused on the waitress who was making her rounds. So he would be no help in deciphering Sam’s words.

You stuck with the generic, “Yeah. That sounds fun.”

“What’s there—I was about to ask you what there is to do around here, but I guess you wouldn’t know, huh?” Sam’s eyes were twinkling. Honest to God, twinkling. The sparkle seemed to short-circuit your brain, but you decided that you could write that off as a reaction to actual social interaction after years of never leaving a dance studio.

Yeah.

That’s totally what it was.

“I’ve heard people say there’s great hiking and swimming holes around here, but I wouldn’t have the faintest idea of where to start. And there’s the usual bowling alley and bars.”

The waitress returned with your food and both you and Sam watched Dean flirt with her for the brief moment she was at your table. Then you watched in amazement as he tore into his burger as if he hadn’t eaten in days.

“So, uh,” Sam drew your attention back to him and away from the love affair his brother was having with his food. “I’ll ask around and find something fun for us to do, just the two of us. How’s that sound?”

Just the two of you. Sounded an awful lot like a date.

“Great. That sounds great. I have the competition on Saturday morning, but I’m free after about two.”

Dean cut in, mouth still half full of burger. He pointed to your overflowing plate of fries. “You gonna eat all those?”

Like Lucky the Leprechaun and his Lucky Charms, you pulled your plate closer and shielded it with your arm. “Don’t mess with my fries, dude.”

He held his hands up in surrender and glanced between you and Sam with an amused half-smile. “Sorry. Didn’t know you were so serious about your fries.”

“If it’s got potatoes in it, Y/N will kill a man for it,” Sam said as he began to laugh. “I remember that time Gerald tried to steal some of your mashed potatoes and you literally stabbed him with your fork. Like, the fork was sticking out of his hand. He learned the lesson the hard way.”

For a brief moment, you started to feel embarrassed at the memory, but then you caught yourself. This was Sam. Your friend from college. Sure, you hadn’t seen him in forever, so you were nearly strangers again, but he was still your friend. And, hell, his brother talked with his mouth full. There was nothing to be embarrassed about.

“He’s just lucky I didn’t have a knife in my hand.”

You and Sam spent the rest of lunch reminiscing about the good times, and Dean threw in a few of his own stories. Before you knew it, your few hours’ break had passed and you needed to get back to the studio. The three of you walked out into the sunshine and Dean headed straight for his car, but you and Sam lingered on the sidewalk, not ready to let go of the moment yet.

“So, I’ll try to make it to your competition on Saturday and I promise not to bring Dean. He’ll probably sneak in an airhorn or one of those giant foam fingers or something.” Sam laughed airily and you responded with a grin. Dean sure was an interesting guy. “And I’ll let you know about afterwards, okay?”

“You better. I’m looking forward to it already.”

Eyes locked, the two of you smiled at each other for a long minute before he cleared his throat and glanced around. “Well, I’d uh, I’d better get going. I’ll see you on Saturday.”

“Counting on it. Bye Sam.”

You watched him walk away, using the opportunity with his back to you to unabashedly check him out. That confident walk and those broad shoulders sure make your imagination start swirling.

Looking forward to it indeed.

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[violetsystems]

#personal

I haven’t written many of these lately for a lot of reasons.  One of those keeps ringing in my head every time I think about sharing information online.  I’m not really a fearful person.  The last year alone is living proof of that.  But there are things out there that actively try to subvert your quality of life.  And they rattle some people’s nerves a lot more than mine.  I had to review some training videos for work in relation to cyber security.  The most impressive of which was a description of the GDPR which is one of the most extensive European privacy laws in regards to the Internet.  The other big one was about Social Engineering.  Great fishing expeditions in the sea of information trying to catch the Great White Shark. for fun and profit.  There were some great videos showing examples of this in the training.  Thankfully there were no demonstrations of cat fishing or reverse cat fishing to which I am relieved.  There was a line in there that hit home about people exposing other people’s private information for profit.  What I’ve learned after being targeted left and right the last few months has been simple.  I bring a lot of it on myself.  Instead of saying it is what it is I stop myself.  It comes with the territory.  Brushing up against a lot of these scams has taught me a few things.  Healthy skepticism towards people with the best intentions is key.  So is having your shit together.  I had to quit drinking three years ago to regain my focus.  This is the first year where I see it all for what it is.  It doesn’t scare me.  It definitely disappoints me. People behave badly.  That includes respecting another person’s privacy.  We bring it on ourselves sometimes trusting the wrong people.  Sometimes we give people second chances for being manipulated.  This city is constantly manipulated into dumb shit.  But there’s a healthy does of resistance after awhile that comes with standing your ground.  One of the people from security spoke about this concept of “putting on the mask” in Chicago.  It’s a useful technique in the Midwest.  Scare people away so they don’t take advantage of you.  Everybody here thinks everybody should be friends. It’s true people are genuinely nicer in Chicago.  But that Midwestern pushiness can wrestle you to the ground sometimes.  In a playful way right?  Gain your trust and get you to talk about yourself more.  Give up bits and pieces of personal information that you feel is innocuous at best.  And then there’s the reality of a million cameras, microphones and devices recording every nuance and tick.  One of the most intense battles in the tech sector in regards to privacy is facial recognition data.  I’d say based on GDPR it’s still pretty barbaric how we value, respect and protect privacy here in America.  The life I live these days is a fragment of everything I’ve ever sharied in public.  A vulnerable space outside my home where I exist only as an avatar of myself.  A hallucination of celebrity every step I walk.  That’s kind of why I stopped writing to be honest.  That and I know the person I write for already care and knows what I’m thinking.  I care about intimacy.  I care about privacy.  I used to be so shitty at keeping secrets.  Until I end up keeping one that means more than I bargained for.  

Reverse cat fishing aside, the modern world has many mysteries that remain unsolved.  Why I keep to myself should be my own business.  And yet I find myself referencing Mark Fisher’s concept of Capitalist Realism more than I am comfortable with.  I was reading about China and their housing market the other day.  It said there are some strict Chinese families that won’t let their children marry unless the spouse owns a home already.  Things have gotten rocky enough lately that the government has started to accept Intellectual Property as collateral.  So there’s hope in that I guess.  Here in America I work a non profit.  I’m enrolled in a credit union.  I make a decent living with a decent rent.  Going into debt for a mortgage by myself to show how productive I am isn’t my kink for sure.  I’d rather have children.  The moderate amount of stability I have and how I achieved it is always under scrutiny by other people.  Everybody ignores me but talks about my history behind my back.  I live with the pain of three generations of people saying they know me yet I haven’t hung out with any of them in years really.  If I thought about all this negatively it would drive me crazy.  With putting my past behind me I planned a lot more for the future.  I train.  I run.  I cook healthier food.  I know what I run on.  I know how much that costs.  And I could sit here for days and complain about money and how fucked I am in the face of the upper class.  And I could waste my entire life worrying about people who don’t worry about me.  Or I can make it happen in a realistic way with what I have.  A full and albeit peppered grey head of hair that keeps growing back.  A cat that wandered in from outside that now sleeps next to me at night.  A weird way of looking at the world that is both tender, cautious and brutal if attacked.  The mind fuck of it all is that you have to be comfortable with what you want to achieve.  And there’s no shortage of people out their that want to take advantage of your confidence and trust for thousands of reasons.  Which is why I’ve gradually thought more about how I share things online.  Also how I spend money in public.  Is it respected?  Is it safe?  Does it have context?  Can it be manipulated?  Will the terrorists win?  Who keeps sending me all these mother fucking political robocalls?  Will I ever make enough money to afford a home?  Does that even matter to me right now?  How much is my intellectual property really worth?  Reach out to attorney’s in your area.  Targeted ads commencing in five, four, three, two you get the idea.  We are all living in this utopia where we are desperate to connect.  Hellbent on being reassured in the face of absolute chaos.  And the switchboard operators are happy to link you into some bullshit that isn’t worth your time in the matrix.  It’s a proven fact.  When you lead there are no maps.  Nobody to follow except your own internal gut.  And facing the gut instinct that my hunches are always well informed with skepticism has been key.  But I still have to live my life in the face of all of it.  That’s my responsibility.

I do prefer being alone than with somebody who isn’t really there.   Fairweather friends are a liability to my responsibilities for sure.  It’s a funny realization because some of my best friendships are vapor at best.  There are people that get me without having to write a word anymore.  I don’t read too much into the why’s or how’s.  And there are some people so chatty and fake that I’m never really part of the conversation.  We all crave intimacy deep down.  We want to share an intimate secret with someone.  Real love.  Care and affection.  And at the core we let our guards down to let that in.  Sometimes just to feel it.  To know it’s there.  And the end result is based on mutual trust.  We seek out validation in places we feel are safe.  And ultimately those spaces become compromised after awhile.  Because the people we trusted abused the connection.  They couldn’t keep a secret.  They didn’t value or respect your privacy.  They threw the bait and caught the shark.  They hunt the whales with shitty harpoons and flaccid lines.  After awhile the sharks stop swimming in those waters.  The ecosystem gets all fucked up.  And the party is over.  The sharks just got smarter.  Or they found safer harbors for their emotions.  However poetic I describe it the realization for me is all the same.  I have not had the best of luck being open and transparent.  We as Americans love our freedom of speech just as much as we love taking it away from other people.  Human nature is flawed.  Revenge isn’t very constructive.  Being proactive about protecting the things you love is a better idea.  Just how draconian you react is bound to show up somewhere in your aesthetic.  I prefer a culture of avoidance.  I wash my hands of the virus just like the flu.  I quarantine myself from the for profit news cycle and the petty scammers.  I set up a bulwark in my life of practical thinking and fiscal austerity.  Sometimes it’s not fun.  Other times nobody bothers me with how I live my life behind closed doors.  That’s a constant negotiation that has nothing to do with class privilege or conceptual art.  I literally am the worker that Marx talks about and at the same time know the unfortunate realities of Capitalism.  I also know a lot of people’s opinion are backed up by hot air.  They don’t put in work.  They live to disrupt.  To make it hard on you.  To justify it as some test of your usefulness.  I’m pretty useful.  I enjoy my life.  I work hard.  I go to the movies by myself like a boss.  I have an empty space next to me at all times.  What fills that space is nobody’s business.  The person walking around in spite of all this in my own skin is testament enough.  I’m still alive.  I’m still pretty done with all of this shit.  And I still understand that I have to live it.  Being vigilant all the time can be shitty especially if you keep surrounding yourself with the same negative influences.  I’d rather surround myself with my cat and the occasional fishing across the ponds.  They don’t call them the Great Lakes for nothing.  There have definitely been some choppy waters out here in the deep web.  You know I’m a pirate of the High Seas.  More like the captain.  Ahoy you fucks.  Keep your ship together.  And I will promise to do the same.  <3 Tim

[oilskirt7-blog]

Behind an all-star Americana collaboration (Mark Erelli interview)

It’s funny to hear Mark Erelli describe himself as “largely unknown,” since I’ve admired his songwriting and singing for years. But I suppose all things are measured on a scale, and weighed against the Taylor Swifts of the world, his assessment is fair. That being said, he’s a frequent sideman for both Josh Ritter and Lori McKenna, and in the smaller world of folk singer-songwriters, he’s well respected for his own music too.

Aiming to make Americana’s first socially-conscious, multi-artist project (like “We Are the World,” only with more acoustic guitar), Mark recently recorded and released a single about the gun violence epidemic. He called in some favors from a number of other notable singers, including Ritter and McKenna, Sheryl Crow, Rosanne Cash, and Anaïs Mitchell — and partnered with Congresswoman Gabby Gifford’s Courage to Fight Gun Violence organization, which receives 100% of the proceeds.

“By Degrees” is a great song — Rosanne Cash called it “the most compassionate, vivid and non-preaching anti-gun violence song I’ve ever heard” — so I wanted to ask Mark Erelli some questions about the writing process, the collaboration, and what it’s like to distribute and promote a song that has such a clear social purpose. My thanks to him for taking the time.

As someone who admires your songwriting, I’m curious — if you can average out such things — how much stuff do you throw away, compared with how much you keep?

I guess it depends what is meant by “throw away” and “keep.” I might have anywhere from 15-30 new songs when I begin making a new record that will ultimately only have 10-11 tracks on it. It might seem that I throw away as much as 2/3 of what I write, but the just because something doesn’t make the record doesn’t mean it’s discarded.

Some songs get used on future recordings or as part of a concert set. Some of those songs have imagery that I love, but it’s not enough to carry that particular song. Oftentimes, the same or similar lines may appear in a completely different context in a newer song, but does that mean I threw the first song away, or was it just a draft that I had to work through to get to the one I “kept?”

How do you know whether it’s time to discard it, set it aside, or move ahead?

If I’m trying to decide what stage a song is at in this process, the guiding principle is always “what am I trying to say?” Does the song communicate an idea clearly, does it evoke a deep emotional response? If it does, I keep it. If it doesn’t, then I know I’m not finished with it yet. This process can take an hour or two or, literally, years.

“By Degrees” has four strong verses, but for me the real punch of the song happens in verses five and six, when we have to consider the children. Maybe that means I’m as numb as anyone to the feeds and headlines and arguments you refer to earlier in the tune, but Jesus, the kids! When you were writing, did you discover those verses later in the process, or did you start with the kids, and reverse engineer the song? 

I don’t always write linearly, but I think in the case of “By Degrees” I did write the earlier verses first before following the river downstream. It’s not religious, but it is a very “moral” song, in the sense that I felt the need to explore why all these little changes and degradations matter. Adults, at least some of them, can think critically and see how we got to where we are. But the thought that this sort of gun violence might be the only sort of world my kids knew was and remains a sobering thought, so bringing it back to the kids felt like a very natural conclusion.

As I write in the song, I really don’t know what to tell my boys (ages 8 and 11), so I have not had any explicit conversations about societal gun violence with my kids. They’ve heard the song many times, of course, but I’m not sure those later verses have sunken in yet.

Why make this song a collaboration?

I grew up in the 80’s with MTV and I still have vivid memories of things like “We Are The World,” where multiple artists banded together behind a common message. Not that my song is on an equivalent scale, but I felt there was a place for a project like this in the Americana scene. It’s a relatively new designation, and though many great artists identify or are identified with the genre, there really hasn’t been a socially-conscious, multi-artist project like this before, that I can remember.

Ultimately, I am not alone in my struggle to comprehend how we got to where we are, and having multiple voices sing the song kind of emphasizes that this is a problem that we all face collectively and will all have to work together to solve.

How does this kind of collaboration work, I guess first in terms of asking the artists and getting permissions, and then actually piecing the vocals together? Lots of Dropbox?

So much Dropbox! I would have loved to get everyone in the same room and run it down, old-school, which would have saved me months of work. But when you’re a largely unknown independent folksinger, you’re calling in too many favors to work that way.

The whole collaboration started with Rosanne Cash, who was aware of the song and had sung it with me before at a Brady campaign fundraiser. I knew I would need help bringing artists on board, but I felt that if Rosanne wasn’t into it, then it was basically a non-starter. Thankfully, she is so generous and supportive, and it only took her an hour or so to respond enthusiastically.

From there, it was just a matter of dreaming up artists to work with and seeing what connections we had with them. The band signed on right away, so I was able to at least build a good basic track and sing a guide vocal, so artists would get a sense of what they were signing up for. Once people did commit, they basically each sang their verses at different studios, Dropboxed us the files, and mix engineer Lorne Entress did a painstakingly brilliant job of making it all sound cohesive and musical.

How did you come to work with Gabby Gifford’s organization?

For some reason, I have never thought of this song as anything other than one that should raise money for some other group that is doing good work in the fight against gun violence. There are so many that are addressing this issue—Moms Demand, Sandy Hook Promise, Everytown —but Rosanne was the one who suggested and put me in touch with Giffords.

How has the promotion for this song differed from your past releases? Like, I noticed the song has its own website.

I’ve never released a standalone single song before, but it turns out that if you want to do a good job getting it heard than you basically have to do everything to promote and publicize it that you would a full-length record.

The biggest difference was timing: I didn’t get the final verse vocal til just after Labor Day, but the Giffords folks really wanted the song to help amplify their efforts leading up to the midterms. So we basically had to rush to assemble a promotional team on very short notice. I got a few “we don’t have time for this” sort of responses, which I could sympathize with because between my own records and sideman work, I didn’t really have enough time to work on this!

But it was something I felt compelled to do that just happened to have a well-defined political, non-musical timeline, and I just had to find champions who felt similarly compelled to get involved. Fortunately, Signature Sounds, Brad Paul Media and Songlines all came on board, donated their services and gave it their all on very short notice. I am extremely grateful for their efforts.

When a song has such a clear purpose, does it free you up from some of the usual ego things that songwriters deal with when sharing or promoting their music?

Completely. I find it very difficult to talk about the worth of my own material, though I obviously wouldn’t devote my life to something I didn’t fully believe in. But if there’s a bigger purpose other than “look at me!” it makes it a lot easier to push for people to listen to it.

For example, with the Milltowns record, I really wanted to shine a light on the legacy of Bill Morrissey, so it was a lot easier to advocate for it. “By Degrees” was the same way—I don’t make a cent from this. It’s not enriching me personally in any way or selling out concerts for me. It’s just something I’m doing because I know what doing nothing looks like and I can’t just stand by anymore.

I don’t really know how to do political organizing and push for legislation; all I know how to do is write and sing songs that hopefully support the ones directly engaged in those efforts. It feels very good to put myself in service to the music and an idea larger than my own gain.

You’re a professional songwriter and performer, but I’m curious about your day-to-day work that happens away from the guitar or stage. How much of your life is emails, booking, promoting, packing lunches?

Next year will mark my 20th year as a professional musician, and it’s a bit dizzying to think of how my day-to-day routine has changed over that time. The biggest change was becoming a parent, and since I’m home a lot of the weekdays most of my work happens during the school day, between 8 am and 2 pm. I can be pretty productive in that time, but I have to be ruthlessly efficient and come up with a plan for every day.

My average non-gig work day is as scheduled and planned out as anyone who works in an office, and it has to be if anything is ever going to be accomplished. I’m up between 5-6 am everyday, making lunches, doing the morning routines with the boys. After drop off, I head straight to the gym for swimming or lifting. It’s about 9 am after that, so the next 5 hours can go any number of ways, though several loads of laundry are nearly always involved.

If I’m taking a day to do office work, I can spend that entire time keeping up with emails, social media, and advancing gigs. More often than not, I spend those 5 hours rehearsing for whatever I have coming up next. Could be shedding Josh Ritter or Lori McKenna tunes, reminding myself how to play bluegrass, working out and rehearsing set lists for solo shows, and more. I like to say that I’ve been doing this for 20 years, and I haven’t been bored since 1998.

And what’s the revenue picture like for you? Are you earning a living mainly from your own touring? CDs and vinyl sales? Sideman gigs? A little bit of each?

It’s a bit of a mystery to me how it all works out, because I get income from several different streams, and they seem to tag team at random to for the distinction of being the most lucrative.

Sometimes I’m doing lots of solo gigs and that’s where the money comes from, other times it’s a lot of sideman work, which is great because it’s all income and no expenses. I’ll occasionally get a recording session or something like that, and then there are modest checks from Soundexchange, CD Baby for digital online sales, and ASCAP royalties.

Every once in awhile, an extra zero will really surprise me at the end of the payout, which is lovely but completely random and can’t be depended upon. For example, my ASCAP check just tripled for one month and as best I can tell, it’s due to recent airplay of a song from a 16-year old record…in Belgium. I’ve never performed in or even been to Belgium, so that about sums up how unpredictable and capricious making a living as a musician can be. I basically look up at the end of every month and think “holy sh&t, I did it again!”

What’s up next?

I’m working on my 12th full-length album of originals, and it’ll hopefully be released in fall of 2019.

Check out Mark Erelli’s website for concert dates, music, and more.

[Photo by Lara Kimmerer.]

Source: https://diymusician.cdbaby.com/musician-tips/behind-an-all-star-americana-collaboration-mark-erelli-interview/

[jos-corner-of-the-world]

It All Started with Karaoke (3)

Part 1  Part 2 

I woke up the next morning feeling that I had a family of sheep living in my mouth.  It was dry, and gross, and just..blah.

I looked up at the clock and let out a small chuckle.  I had actually managed to sleep until noon, like I said I would.  Instead of doing brunch, I was going all out lunch and hitting up the Meatball Shop.  According to some research, this was a can’t miss restaurant in NYC.

After showering, I threw my blonde hair up into a messy bun.  I then threw on black leggings, a chevron style tank top, and my red Chucks.

I grabbed room key, cell phone, and wallet, and threw them into my over the shoulder purse before I walked out of the door.

I was walking through the lobby when I felt someone brush against my back.

“Well well well, fancy meeting you here.” I heard from behind me.

I stopped in my tracks, turning quickly.

“Seriously? There’s literally over eight million people in this city.  What are the chances of seeing you again today, or ever really?” I asked, surprise seeping into my tone.

“Had I not have met you last night, I would assume you’re being snarky, but I don’t think you are.” Jimin said.

“Hey, at least I remembered my pants today.” I said, without thinking twice about it.

I heard laughter coming from beside Jimin.  That’s when I, startlingly, realized that he wasn’t alone.

“Okay, that’s not what I meant, just for clarification.” I said, staring at the handsome brunette.

“That didn’t really clarify anything at all.” Jungkook said, laughing more.

Jimin explained the story to Jungkook, and Jungkook just simply laughed some more.

“So how are your plans progressing so far today?” Jimin asked.

“Well, I did sleep until noon.  I’m not doing Brunch, instead I’m going to the Meatball Shop, and I’ve decided to not shop because I do fully intend on eating my weight in food.  I’ll need to take a walk after that, and then a nap.” I said.  Jungkook’s head had shot towards me when I mentioned the restaurant I was going to eat at.

“That sounds exciting.” Jimin said.

“What are you guys up to?” I asked.

“I’m heading to a meeting with one of our managers.” Jimin said.  “Kookie here is just tagging along.”

“Well that’s not fun.  Want to tag along with me? I’m going to-“ Before I could finish, Jungkook cut me off.

“Yes!” He said, running over to me.

“You’re a traitor.” Jimin said, shaking his head.

“I’ll have him home by 5, fed and happy.” I said, linking arms with Jungkook as we walked out.  Jungkook’s face turned bright red, but he didn’t let go of my arm.

“I’m Jolene by the way.” I said as an afterthought.

“Jungkook.” He said, squeezing my arm a little.  “And I think we just became best friends.”

“I’ve never had a best friend.  What if I’m bad?” I ask him.

“I can’t tell if you’re serious, but you don’t seem like the type to be a bad friend.  I’m going to trust you.” Jungkook said, smiling at me.

“Sadly enough, I am serious about the best friend thing.”

Jungkook gave me a sad smile, but changed the subject quickly.

“So tell me about yourself Jolene.”  Jungkook prompted me once we were in the cab.

“Well, there’s not much really.  I’ve recently turned 21, a recent graduate from UCLA, I’m an only child, with no cousins or anyone my age. I’m on an extended vacation right now.” I mean really, was there much else? “What about you, tell me about yourself.”

“Well, I’m 19. I’m from South Korea. I have an older brother and basically a brother in all the guys in the group.  I’m also on extended holiday right now.  Though, there is some work being done while we are here.” He said.

“That’s a bummer.  I came out here before I have to grow up.  I’m going to have to make some serious life decisions soon, and I don’t think I want to.” I said.

“Are you talking career wise? Like getting a job and stuff?” Jungkook asked.

“Yeah. I have some decisions I need to make, but I’m not prepared to make them. I’m not prepared to grow up. I think it’s because I never really had a childhood before.” I said.  Once I realized what I was saying, I mentally, and physically slapped myself on the head.  Jungkook being awesome as I hoped him to be, changed the subject, after a little laugh at my expense.

“So, what’d you get for your birthday?” He asked me.

“Seventy five million dollars.” I said.

Jungkook laughed at me.  When he realized I wasn’t laughing, he stopped, eyes getting huge.

“Come again?” He asked.

We had just pulled up to the Meatball Shop.  I exited the cab, Jungkook following right behind me.

Once we were sitting in a booth, I apologized.

“Sorry I threw that information on you.  I’ve realized that it’s easier to get that out of the way in the beginning instead of having it come out later.  I’m from LA and social status is everything to girls out there.  I like the looks on people’s faces when they find out I have a lot of money and I dress like a hobo and drive a hatch back.” I said, snorting into my water.

“Yeah, it was just a surprise, that’s all.  So where’d you get the money?” Jungkook asked.

“My grandfather left it to me when he passed away 5 years ago.  He was the CEO of L Brands for almost 50 years.” I said.

“I don’t know what that is.” he admitted.

“L Brands is the owner and operator behind places like Victoria’s Secret and Bath and Body Works.” I said.

“Nice.” Was his response.  Then, for the entire lunch, he didn’t ask a single question about money.

“So, karaoke bars, huh?” Jungkook asked halfway through the meal.

“Oh yeah! In his will, Grandpa told me to get out and sight see, swim with the dolphins, drunk karaoke in NYC.  So, here I am.  I drunk karaoked last night.  That’s where I met Jimin” I said.

“Are you the Halsey girl?” he asked.

“I am! Jimin must have been sober and remembered.” I said.

“Yeah, he was.  He said you were really good.  He always said something about screaming being children and twitter being for assholes.”

“Okay, not my finest moment, but I just didn’t want him to think I was going to freak the fuck out over him or anything.  Honestly, if I’d freak out over anyone in the group, it’d be you.  And I’m pretty calm right now.” I admitted.

“Why me?” he asked, seeming shy again.

“Well, for a few reasons.  You have amazing eyes. I mean, wow.  Also, you seem to be a lot like me, completely in love with your music.  You seem to be a great friend, and the best part, you got some moves!”

“Jimin and Hobi are good dancers too” He said, taking my arm after we’d paid our bill.  Jungkook refused to let me pay for him, I refused to let him pay for me.  We ended up just buying our own food, and shutting up.

“Oh definitely.  Your styles are all different though.  Jimin is very fluid in his movements. J-Hope is very precise and technical.  And you, you are a mighty fine mix between to two.” I said.

Jungkook blushed deep red again.

“Thank you, by the way.  That was a lovely lunch.” I said, bumping my shoulder with his.

“So you said I’m like you in the sense that I love my music.  Does that mean you write music?” He asked.

I blushed, but nodded my head yes.

“Can I hear some?” He asked, hope evident in his voice.

I couldn’t really tell him no, I brought my guitar with me, and I wasn’t shy. I had no reason not to…

“Sure.”

[ruffsficstuffplace]

The Keeper of the Grove (Part 82)

Penny rejoined Weiss and Winter at Abner’s living room, now with new upgrades in the form of runes and markings carved all over her arms like Weiss’ upgraded gauntlet, or entirely new sections housing the new devices she had specifically for dealing with weavers, and medical emergencies of a magical nature.

“I’ve also had my clothing modified to have increased resistance against all four elements, upgraded elemental containment subroutines and equipment, and can even help you two produce soul stones now!”

“What in the world are ‘soul stones?’” Winter asked.

Penny opened up a new compartment in her upper-arm, handed over what looked like intricately carved coins with crystalline centers. They all hummed in their hands and resonated with their magic, but felt hollow and faint, like sound echoing in a cave.

“Soul Stones are used to contain elementals, either for capturing them in the wild, or for storing artificially created ones for later use, saving the weaver the effort, mana, and concentration of making them from scratch.

“Would you like to try it out, Winter? Simply summon one of your elementals, and either command it into the soul stone or throw it at it—either will work.”

“No time like the present, I suppose...” Winter said as she held up her new saber into the air. Magic flowed from her hand and into her weapon as she closed her eyes, before out jumped a water elemental resembling Winter’s first ever plushie, Idun the Arctic Fox.

Weiss laughed as the elemental affectionately nuzzled her leg, blatantly begging for affection with wide-eyed smiles and adorable yips. She reached out and brushed its blue-white “fur,” her hand going straight into its body, feeling like she was dipping it in a pleasantly cool pool of water.

Idun pulled away and looked at Winter, curious at the new coin in her hand.

“This won’t hurt her, will it?” Winter asked.

“Not at all!” Penny replied. “Any unpleasantness will arise from resistance to the sealing, and rarely do elementals resist their own weavers.”

Winter looked back at the soul stone, and at Idun, smiling peacefully at her like the original and the replica. “If you say so��� Idun, catch!”

She threw it at Idun, she caught it into her mouth. Weiss and Winter watched as she was sucked into it head-first, until all that was left was the coin floating in mid-air, spinning round and round as it glowed white-blue. Winter picked it up, and inspected it.

On either side of the soul stone’s crystal center was Idun’s face, smiling.

Winter smiled back. “And how do I release her?”

“It’s up to you—a lot of weavers prefer to have a ritual, a catchphrase and/or a specific set of intentional moves to help memorize, simplify, and make clear their intent to summon that specific elemental.”

Winter and Weiss looked at each other.

“Can I...?” Winter asked.

Weiss smiled. “Go right on ahead!”

Winter grinned as she gripped the soul stone, and reared her arm back. “Idun, I choose you!”

She threw it out, the soul stone glowing bright as Idun reformed around it, landing gracefully on all fours, rearing her head back and letting forth a tiny, adorable yip. She turned back to Winter and smiled, the coin now glowing just above her eyes.

Winter held out her palm. “Idun, return!”

Idun pounced towards Winter’s hand as flew back into the soul stone. It landed in her palm, the crystal flashing once before it faded. It felt cool to the touch now, with plenty of life and magic humming where once there was none.

Winter stored Idun into her pocket, chuckled as she found a thin, cool film of magic on her palm as if she had licked it.

“You may wait for Maker Abner to finish his current projects, or simply hire another maker to produce a summoner’s gauntlet for you, and/or the many other specialized equipment for your specific class of weaver,” Penny said.

“How many of my elementals can I have at a time, exactly?” Winter asked. “I’m assuming my army earlier was a one time deal.”

“It wasn’t, actually! However, while you can have as many elementals your concentration and magic can handle, most summoners tend to have a maximum of six at the ready at any given time, with the rest being kept in storage.”

“And will I need soul stones for all of them?”

“Not at all! For the cost, convenience, and personal preference, many summoners store their other elementals in all manner of containers—your plushies will do quite nicely, considering all of them are made almost entirely of Valley sheep wool, and even in its raw form it’s an excellent storage for magic.

“About the only exception would be Eluna, given she already has a number of enchantments to give her her unique properties.”

“Aww, and here I was hoping I could have my own personal Moonlight Warrior...”

“Just saying that that’d be kind of creepy, considering she’s real!” Weiss said.

Winter blinked. “Wait, she’s real…?”

Penny nodded. “And alive and immortal! Though the name ‘Eluna’ may either refer to the original lunar wolf who led the breakaway from the Eldan and established the Celestian Fae, or her Fae successor, these days it’s almost always the latter.”

Winter paused. “… What does she look like?”

Penny projected an image of Eluna like Weiss had seen her in the Rune Rangers honey dream, atop one of the mountain ranges of Argos in Celestion.

Winter’s eyes widened, her eyebrows rose, and her cheeks turned pink. “… Oh…! Why… why does she look like Guadalupe Garron…?”

“Because it’s one of her many assumed identities over the centuries,” Penny replied.

“Do you… need a moment…?” Weiss asked.

Winter quickly shook her head. “No, no! I’m… just… let’s just head back to Keeper’s Hollow now, shall we?”

Penny shut off her comm-crystal. “Are you sure you don’t have any more business you’d like to deal with before we leave?”

“We’re sure,” Weiss said.

“How are we supposed to leave this place, anyway?” Winter asked.

“Through the Thumper, back into the Heart of the Maker’s Forge, then a ride through its Tube station and back to Keeper’s Hollow.”

“You might want to get a barf bag ready...” Weiss muttered.

Winter scoffed. “Weiss, please! I’ve done every single deployment and evacuation simulation in the Queensguard thousands of times, and done most of them in real life hundreds more! I’m sure I can handle whatever the Fae use for transportation...”

Winter knelt over the side of the Keeper’s Hollow Tube station, shuddering and heaving as she emptied the contents of her stomach into the water. Weiss rubbed back, Penny prepared a few canisters of filtered water, Idun alternately nuzzled her face and wiped it clean of leftover vomit.

Eventually, Winter stopped hurling and sat on her rear with her arms and legs spread out. “Oh sweet Shepherd...” she groaned. “How do you not throw up after every trip…?”

Weiss shrugged as she helped her drink water. “You just get used to having your internal organs thrown about as you zoom around at hundreds of miles per hour, I guess...” she muttered.

They made their way down the well-trodden path, slowing down for Winter to recover and examine their surroundings.  

It was the middle of afternoon much like the first time Weiss had ever trodden down that path, and the wildlife was still as noisy and lively as ever, flying about the giant trees, swimming in the water, scurrying about through the many nooks and crannies in the tree’s roots and the banks as they finish their business before it got dark.

“So this is where you’ve been living all this time, huh?” Winter asked.

“It’s actually really nice, once you get used to it,” Weiss replied. “It’s… peaceful. Noisy, but in the good way.”

Winter hummed. “… How far are we from the rest of the Bastion, out of curiosity?”

“About 12 miles and half-an-hour away from the rest of the Bastion, assuming you use a motorized boat or a mount capable of moving swiftly in swampy terrain,” Penny replied. “The trouble Keepers attract tend to be incredibly destructive, and the Council both wants to minimize the damage to the rest of the city, and give us time to prepare and evacuate in case it can’t be contained her.

“What kind of trouble are we talking about…?” Winter asked. “Soul Eaters?”

Penny shook her head. “They and the rest of the wilderness of the Valley are unable to breach the walls of the Bastion; this kind of trouble is Fae and man-made. Aside from their mates, Keepers tend to attract companions of exceptional strength and power, with incidents and accidents to match—the series of fiascoes leading to Weiss discovering her weaver powers, for example.

“There’s no telling what sort of chaos and disruption that would have caused, had the Roost and the Terrace needed to shut down several blocks worth of residential and/or commercial areas.”

Winter turned to Weiss.

Weiss sighed. “I’ll tell you about them some time… just know that now, things don’t explode unless I wanted them to.”

Winter nodded. “Is there anything in particular I have to worry about with your friends? The Kee—Ruby… aside.”

“Qrow’s constantly drunk and smells but is otherwise harmless, Blake can be really mean at first until she warms up to you, Nora’s an HV addict with the hyperactivity and the attention span to match, and Zwei is a giant mutant two-headed Corgi who’ll definitely cover you in slobber when he first meets you,” Weiss replied.

“I’m also pretty sure Yang wants to literally kill me for breaking Ruby’s heart last night, and there’s also the fact that you’ve repeatedly tried to kill almost everyone here at some point.”

Winter sucked in a deep breath, and let it go slowly. “Well… suppose this isn’t the most awkward social situation I’ve ever had to deal with!”

“If it’s any consolation, most of them are out touring the Bastion, or are getting debriefed of the new hunt schedules and duties at the Watcher’s Roost,” Penny said. “Taiyang is the only one here at the moment, to my knowledge.”

Sure enough, he was the only there when they arrived, hard at work planting new crops and tree seedlings where the very last of the overgrowth had been, evidently after taking care all of Weiss’ crops and trees.

He noticed them coming up, put down Weiss’ hoe and waved. As he came over they all noticed that his arms were covered with green plant matter, vines all over its surface pulsing and relaxing with the movements of his muscles underneath.

“Hey, I was wondering when you two would get here!” Taiyang said. “Weiss, and this is your sister, Winter, right?”

Winter smiled uneasily. “Err… yes and you’re Taiyang Xiao Long! I am very sorry for trying to kill you, your brother-in-law, and daughter several times over…”

Taiyang waved him off. “Eh, it’s cool! I can’t blame you, or anyone else that’s been trying to kill the Keepers and their friends!” He glared. “The important thing is you don’t try that shit again.”

Winter paused for a moment. “I won’t. I promise.”

Taiyang beamed. “Great!” He turned to Weiss. “Hope you don’t mind my using your tools and taking care of all of your crops for you; I know how protective tenders can be of their fields, but I really needed to get these arms moving after having them stuck in that damned tank for so long...”

“Oh, no, it’s fine!” Weiss said. “We’ve been looking for tenders to help out here, actually.”

Taiyang beamed. “Good thing I’ve been keeping up the farming habit all these years!” he turned back to the farm, and smiled. “Gotta say, it’s good to be back here and working this soil again; nothing ever grows as well as it does here in the Valley, nor does it taste as good.”

“Back here?” Winter asked.

“Taiyang and Yang have been in exile for the past 14 years,” Penny explained. “It was supposed to be permanent, but the recent crisis with the Heralds have forced it to be rescinded.”

“It’s a long, long story—I’ll tell you it later, when I’ve used up all this energy,” Taiyang said, thumbing to his new crops. “Why don’t you go check out the stuff stewing in your lab?  Don’t worry, I haven’t touched any of them; I learned never to mess with a weaver’s stuff the hard way, and never forgot it since...”

“I will,” Weiss said. “Come on, Winter, I’ll show you my lab—and where we’ll be staying until the makers can fix up the old cabins, actually.”

“Have they been keeping you in a barn this whole time?!” Winter asked.

“Of course not!” Weiss replied. “… I’ve been sleeping in Ruby’s room.”

Winter’s eyes widened.

“Nothing’s happened!” Weiss added quickly. “Right, Penny?”

“You have my word that Ruby and Weiss’ cohabitation is as innocent as can be!” she chirped. “Well, except for--”

Winter held up her hand. “I’d like to be somewhere indoors, comfortable, and preferably with my Eluna plushie and a large supply of chocolate before I learn any more upsetting things, please...” she muttered.

Penny nodded, and shut her mouth as they went up the stairs to Weiss’ laboratory.

“What are you even making here?” Winter asked as she examined the complex and alien equipment sitting on the lab’s counters and running up the walls, taking up nearly half of the second floor.

“Mostly elemental mediums!” Weiss replied as she put on her apron and safety gear. “It’s what the Fae call fuel for magic, like the ammo for the farslinger—uh, a Fae magic sniper rifle—for Ruby’s scythe.”

Winter frowned. “Never thought I’d see the day where you’re making munitions...”

“I’m not cleared for that yet, and won’t even try until I get my powers in check,” Weiss replied as she began to open barrels and pots, stir the contents inside or funnel them into jars and other containers. “For now, I’m sticking with safe things: medicine, make-up, and some preserved foods like alcohol and cheese.”

Winter’s stomach growled. “Any of that last one?”

“It’s over there,” Weiss said, pointing to the container. “It should already be done.”

Winter looked at Penny.

“With your genetic modifications and Maker Abner’s solutions, you should be safe for it,” she said.

“Cheese for breakfast it is!” Winter said. She washed her hands, went over to the container, and pulled off the lid.

The white cheese inside looked positively radiant, one of the most appetizing things Winter had ever seen.

Then it formed a face:

:D

Winter stared it at for a moment, before she turned to Weiss. “Weiss: does cheese from the Valley normally have faces…?”

Weiss’ eyes widened in alarm. She hurriedly put down the magic-frostbite ointment she was bottling and rushed over, where her newest cheese elemental had already formed into a blob with the same antenna as the first one.

“No, no, they don’t! It’s just that forgot I dumped a lot of my excess magic from the Eve into this thing...” she muttered.

“Should I eat it? Is it even safe?” Winter asked, watching it wiggle and beckon her to do so.

“It wants to be eaten, and yeah, Penny told me the magic in enchanted foods just help them taste better more than anything else.”

Winter thought it over for a moment, before she shrugged, and took a chunk out of the cheese elemental and ate it. She hummed in pleasure. “Goodness, this is delicious!”

The cheese blob started to bounce about in place, positively ecstatic.

Weiss picked up a chunk for her own, and ate it. “Holy crap—this even better than the first one!”

“Likely because you fully intended it to be enchanted and eaten this time, rather than by accident,” Penny replied. “A lot of the effectiveness of magic comes from the skill of the weaver.”

Weiss nodded as they ate sisters ate more of the cheese, the blob shrinking and reshaping itself when it lost too many chunks, smiling and seemingly singing in happiness as it served its reason to exist.

“I’m kind of sad it’ll be gone when we eat it all,” Winter said after she ate her fill. “It’s cute! In a weird, disturbing, and morally questionable kind of way!”

“You could store its essence in a soul stone, if you really wanted to,” Penny replied. “Then you could just transfer it to a new body while retaining its personality and original intent. A word of warning, though: soul stones aren’t cheap to produce.”

Winter chuckled. “It’s not like I’m wanting for that right now.”

“Then it’s all up to Weiss, then!” Penny said as she handed her one.

Weiss held it in her hand and held it over the cheese. “You ready?”

The cheese opened its “mouth” wide.

Weiss put the soul stone in, and watched as it “swallowed” it. It paused for a moment, its eyes widening as its whole body glowed.

O_O

Then, it faded back to its original glow and smiled.

“Did it work?” Weiss asked.

The cheese spat out its soul stone. Its body turned back into regular, block-shaped cheese, Weiss caught the coin and looked at it.

:D

Winter smiled as she looked over her shoulder. “I’d say that’s a ‘yes.’”

“What should we name it?” Weiss asked as she put the soul stone back into the cheese, and the elemental reformed.

“Well, I’ve already got plushies named Blanche, Blanco and Whitey, so that’d get confusing so how about… Cheese?”

“Just ‘Cheese’?” Weiss asked.

Winter shrugged. “It’s not like we’re going to be using it to make anything other than that, right?”

Weiss nodded. “Cheese it is.”

Cheese bounced about happily.

“Hey Weiss?” Winter asked.

“Yeah, Winter?”

“Did I just seriously eat then name an intelligent, animated blob of cheese?”

“Yes. Yes you did.”

“Oh, good. Thought I was going crazy for a moment there!”

[seekingseven]

Mephibosheth Ch.2

Chapter 2 of my Undertale fanfic! You can read the story here on AO3 as well :D

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Chara splashed the water onto his face, sighing as the icy liquid soothed his skin. The goat-kid, Asriel, had healed his shattered ribs, life-threatening concussions, snapped ligaments - but not his eczema. He cupped some of the stream water in his hands and tried to douse the dryness on his face again. The relief lasted only for a few seconds. One day, he mused, the two dry splotches on his cheeks would be rubbed raw and establish themselves as a permanent feature on his face.

Fantastic. As if he didn't already look ghoulish enough. Chara grimaced as the water trickled down his neck and into his sweater, dampening the cloth underneath. He sat on his knees and looked down at the lazy stream in front of him. His pale visage stared back quietly, flinching when Asriel's reflection crept in from the right.

Even though he knew the goat kid was now standing right behind him, hearing his sudden tidal wave of anxious bleats startled the human anyway.

"Golly, Mr. Chara! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you! But I saw you drinking from the stream and remembered that I didn't even think to offer you a drink, or snack, or, or anything!" Asriel stuffed his paws into the tuft of hair sitting atop his head and screwed his eyes shut. "Boy, aha. You fell from angel knows where, probably haven't eaten or rested in ages, and I end up giving you a tour of the Ruins instead of watching out for you." The goat buried his face in his hands. "I suck at my job."

Chara leaned back on his hands and gave Asriel a half-lidded stare. An earlier bladder-related debacle had spared the goat-child from having to ask the awkward pronoun question (with the side-effect of embarrassing Asriel enough for the both of them). Frankly, the social faux-pas had hardly perturbed Chara - privacy was a luxury who's denial he was familiar with. For some reason, though, the prince's forced formalities and habitual self-shaming had settled on the wrong side of Chara's stomach.

"What do you mean, you suck at your job?" the human muttered.

The Ruins hummed with distant piano music; the room's twin streams gurgled happily. Chara cocked his head to the side, waiting for an answer.

"Well, I should be keeping you safe! I mean, I'm Asriel Dreemurr," he said with an exaggerated rumble and half-hearted paw flip, "I'm supposed to keep monsters safe! A-and humans! Anyone in the Underground that I can keep safe, I should. B-but, I mean, l-l-look at you! I tried to heal you, but your cheeks are all raw, and your hands are bleeding, and you're probably so hungry and thirsty that you'll dust before we get to the end of the ruins!" Asriel had been pacing over one of the little wooden bridges in the room and nearly slipped into the stream beneath trying to punctuate the last word with a stomp.

Something in Chara's heart burned. He pushed the feeling aside and got to his feet, intending to express in explicit detail how misplaced Asriel's concerns were.

Chara's weakened body had other plans, it seemed. A sudden feeling of lightheadedness exploded in his temples; he must have stood up too quickly. His legs swayed drunkenly.

"A-aw, jeez! Aw, man!" The goat boy bleated.

Asriel sprinted to his side, threw an arm over Chara's shoulder, and waited anxiously for the human to regain sovereignty over his own body.

"Gosh! That was scary! We really need to get some food in your stomach and sleep in your bones!"

"I'm alright, Asriel."

The goat child started to say something, searching his companion's face for emotional purchase, but the only sound that came out was a sigh. He gave Chara a timid, disbelieving smile.

Froggits croaked, leaves rustled, streams murmured. A Whimsun cried in the distance. Switches clicked and pressure plates hummed as Asriel led the way through the Ruins' puzzles. If the human was taking any interest in his surroundings, he wasn't showing it.

They walked on in silence.

Chara stifled the urge to shrug off the arm Asriel still had over his shoulder. Something deep within him recoiled at physical contact. He stared at the purple stone underneath him in hopes that it would give his mind something else to brood over.

It was too quiet.

Asriel was too quiet.

Why wasn't he saying anything?

His bangs slipped out from behind his ears and dangled in front of his eyes. The human didn't care enough to brush them away.

"Hmm. Mr. Chara?"

Dark, attentive eyes jerked upwards. Chara tucked his chin towards his neck and flicked his eyebrows into his forehead.

He was listening.

"You're new to the Underground, aren'tcha?"

A nod. Asriel tried not to cringe at his stupid question...what else would the answer have been?

"Aha. G-golly, you must be so confused."

Asriel didn't expect his reticent companion to giggle. He smiled involuntarily when Chara looked up at him and cocked an eyebrow.

"That's a bit of an understatement, Azzy."

Maybe it was the sudden use of a nickname or the unexpectedly positive response to his rambling, but Asriel instantaneously felt lighter on his feet. A stupid grin plastered itself on Asriel’s face. The Prince placed a paw on his chest and deepened his voice with grandiose confidence, insisting that someone ought to teach the poor human how things worked around here, and it looked like little ol' Azzy would have to do. Chara giggled louder. Asriel smiled wider.

»»-««

By the time the two stood outside the Ruin's doors, Chara's mind was swimming with stories of SOULS, monsters, humans, interspecies war, magical barriers, millennia-long imprisonments, and a royal family composed entirely of anthropomorphic goats. It all sounded like something out of some crazy video game.

His eyes flickered over his companion, who was scrutinizing the snowy wasteland with an unreadable expression.

Chara's mirth dissolved.

Why would Asriel, Prince Asriel, give a random human so much care and attention?

He must want something. That's it. But what was it? His SOUL? How would that benefit him? Asriel didn't look particularly strong, at least in terms of combat, but his healing powers were exceptional. Didn't look like he needed the power. Then again, Chara didn't really have any reference to compare him with. Dark, calculating eyes stared blankly at the snowy forest ahead. He pulled his arms around the dip in his chest where he suspected his SOUL was.

"Boy, do you look cold! Here, Mr. Chara. Take my sweater, you'll need it more than me."

The humans' eyes flitted from a particularly suspicious-looking array of trees to Asriel's shirtless form. His train of thought was instantly derailed. What on earth was this goat doing? Taking off his sweater? In this weather? Did the biting wind and flurry of white slush around them not mean anything to him? Why didn't this guy at least have a shirt underneath? This was a sort of death wish, to be sure.

Chara recoiled and flicked his hand in refusal.

Asriel remained undaunted, holding out the striped green and yellow sweater with a determined air of insistence.

"Lookie here, Mr. Chara. I've got a literal coat of fur. I'm not cold at all!" A particularly bitter breeze weaved its way between the pair, and Asriel's muscles contracted sharply. Chara raised a singular eyebrow in silent protest. "Okay, alright. I'm a little cold, but I'll live. I mean, you're probably frozen half to death right now!"

Oh. That was actually true. Chara didn't notice how absolutely freezing he was until the fact was pointed out, and now it was unbearable. Taking the proffered sweater with an air of defeat, Chara tried desperately to remember what he was just thinking about. Something about Asriel…? He popped his head out the sweater's top and slid his hands carefully through the sleeves, absent-mindedly shuffling the two layers of cloth as he wracked his brain. Asriel looked on, a ditzy smile softening his fluffy features.

"Boy, you look comfy!"

Chara nodded in agreement. His skin was already starting to warm up.

"Well, come on, Mr. Chara! It's only a 20-minute walk or so to Snowdin Town, and from there, we can take the ferry home! The Riverkid's real nice, I think you'll like him. Anyway, though, Mom is probably whipping up some seriously mad soup as we speak, so you'll have something nice and warm in your stomach before you know it!"

Whatever Chara had been thinking about earlier, it couldn't have been as important as the prospect of 'seriously mad soup.' The human nodded to the goat, letting his hand dangle at his side in a silent invitation.

Asriel closed his paw around Chara's hand.

The pair shuffled onwards. A gust of wind whistled through the trees, an air of foreboding dripping from the ceiling. The starved, twisted corpses of trees long dead stared disapprovingly as the pair made their way to the town. It didn't take the human long to decide that he really, really didn't like this place.

"Ugh, I hate how the snow makes my fur so wet! " Asriel bleated. The human cast an anxious glance at his companion, noting the flattened, grey streaks of wet fur that crisscrossed his torso and face. Chara fingered the collar of the sweater uncomfortably. The goat boy shook his head. "You're keeping that. I'm not upset about my face or anything, and I'm seriously not that cold. It's my feet. The snow's got it all wet. I feel like I'm walking on, like, ugh," Asriel scrambled for the right words before slumping in defeat, "It feels like walking on something gross, I guess! Gosh. I suck with words!"

Chara giggled. He stopped walking, letting Asriel take a few steps ahead, and scooped an armful of snow into his arms. A fistful of the white fluff was crunched into something resembling a ball.

"Heads up seven up!" Chara shouted.

"Heads up seven wha-" Asriel shrieked as a crude snowball landed squarely between his shoulder blades. The prince squealed and twisted his hands behind his back, trying to brush off the snow before it could slip further. He turned around to come face to face with a smiling, no, beaming Chara.

Any anger he felt evaporated in an instant. Before he could put together a war cry or coherent battle plan, Asriel's paws were stuffed with snow.

"Try me, human!" the goat exclaimed, sending two irregularly shaped snowballs flying towards a fleeing Chara. A loud snort in the distance indicated that at least one of the snowhunks had found its target, and the prince grinned to himself. His victory didn't last long. A flurry of snowballs hit the goat child in the chest and stomach, one misfire whizzing above his head.

"Pride goes before the fall, Azzy!" A giggling voice asserted.

"CHARA! Get back here!" Formalities and hunger and cold forgotten, Asriel's entire mind was focused on the fight. He hastily constructed a snow fort (an expertly crafted structure consisting of a goat-made snowdrift and a shallow snowball pit) and dove inside. He peered above his safe haven for the elusive offender, absentmindedly crunching snow in his palms as he waited. A flash of yellow and green and brown flickered to his right, and Asriel launched half-a-dozen snowballs in that general direction. A grandiose squeal for mercy responded to his attack. The goat grinned, drew himself to his full height, and placed his hands on his hips. He tried not to flinch as the wind flopped his ears in his face. Chara resurfaced about thirty feet in front of Asriel's fort, hair, sweater, and skin darkened from the snow. Bangs fell over his face, sweeping over the flat bridge of his nose, and his face flushed red from laughter.

Something in Asriel's heart burned.

"Poor mortal! Clearly, you have no chance against me. For this reason, I, Prince Asriel Dreemurr, elect to grant you MERCY!" The Prince extended his hands out to the side in a caricature of a hug, tilting his chin backward to complete the flamboyant image. Chara shambled forward, muscles still quivering from his laughing fit, arms pressed to his chest.

"Oh, Azzy!" the human taunted, "doncha know that in this world, it's kill or be killed?"

Before Asriel could realize his mistake, a snowball splattered against his exposed stomach. He fell backward with a dramatic cry, pressing the back of his paw to his forehead.

"How could I have been so easily defeated?" he lamented when his body hit the white fluff underneath.

Chara exploded in laughter, clutching his sides as he ran to the fallen prince. The human crouched down next to Asriel - who was splayed out ridiculously in the remains of his ruined fort - and brushed the excess snow from his face.

"I got you pretty good, didn't I?" Chara boasted as he helped Asriel to his feet. The goat rolled his eyes and gave the traitor a casual grin.

"That was a real dirty trick you pulled there, Chara. I don't think I'll be able to forgive you." Asriel said, hands on hips, "if something like this happens again, I might be forced to banish you to the island of perpetual tickling!"

"Well, Your Majesty, I'll have you know tha-" a low rumble interrupted Chara's plea for mercy.

"Dude, what was that?"

"I think it was my stomach," Chara muttered, sending his midsection as pointed a glare one could give an internal organ. Asriel ran a paw down his face, smoothing out cowlicks and rouge clumps of wet fur. He looked incredibly guilty for someone who hadn't done anything wrong.

"Aw, man. Chara, I'm so sorry. Getting you all tangled up in a snowball fight when you don't have anything to run off of - I shouldn't have done that."

"Asriel, it's alright. I'm not really that hungry." Chara insisted.

Right on cue, his stomach let out another temperamental wail. The goat boy gave Chara a frustrated snort. The latter shrugged.

"T-there's a restaurant in Snowdin Town," Asriel began. "It's a pretty nice place. We can pick up cheese fries or onion rings o-or maybe milkshakes? If you want milkshakes, we'll get milkshakes, you know. It's, you know - whatever you want, Chara." The goat's chin was tucked against his neck, a familiar hangdog look already darkening his features. Why on earth did Asriel feel guilty because he was hungry? Chara wondered. Maybe he was hungry too? So many things about this kid didn't make sense. "It’ll just be something small to tide us over during the ferry ride," Asriel continued, "the ferry ride - it's about an hour, maybe? Yeah, you gotta eat something before then. But anyway it's pretty late, we might need to hustle if we want to get to Grillby's before closing time."

Chara tilted his head to the side. His bangs slipped across his forehead.

"Let's get going then, shall we?"

The human's hand dangled by his side, wet and puffy from the snow. As if it was some sort of age-old habit or natural instinct, Asriel slipped his paw into Chara's hand.

Something in their SOULs burned.

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