#i used to live up the row from a church and I was famous

[salemontrial]

Pastor's Son Matthias x Vampire Goth Nina send tweet

[sonosvegliato]

Currently rereading "to an athlete dying young" and going absolutely insane over it, it is so well written!

I have yet to find anyone who is even half as good as you are at establishing insanely high tension/stakes while also doing comedic relief the way you do, every single interaction absolutely kills me. Especially Tim's interactions with Jason and Bruce are so incredibly interesting, you really nail those!!!!!

Reading your fic isn't enough, I need to print it out & eat it.

That being said, what does your writing process look like, if you don't mind me asking?

This is a question I only imagined getting once I have my original work published, so thank you for stoking the ever-hotter flames of my ego while I shoot into the stratosphere.

When I am famous with 10 books published and documentaries are made about me, I dream I will have a well-polished answer for to this question. SYKE.

Process:

F around and find out. Not in a threatening way. Just like—playing around with ideas like they're Legos and you are a three year old baby.

A lot of the time I get a snippet of something and I do a "sketch" of it before I forget it. I have a lot of these, and some of them are impossible to interconnect, so I literally take apart the story and rearrange it, and will do this once, twice, or five times to get through a single scene. I read this writing advice once where if you're stuck on a scene than the problem you really have is a chapter back, and I'm not much for universal writing advice, but I do believe that if I'm stuck in a place, then something else has got to be better. Sort of like pulling a car in park over and over again until you sorta get in in between the lines. I am really bad at parking. Literally not figuratively.

To an Athlete Dying Young is probably the closest to plotting I've ever been, since I'm using what actually happened in the comics as a loose guide for the events in the series. But I still write snippets that I jam together and take apart and peel and stick. My document looks like [LINKS NOTES RESEARCH] [STORY STORY STORY STORY] [RANDOM SCENE] [STORY] [SNIPPET SNIPPET SNIPPET SNIPPET] with some hyping myself up in between. Example of my "plotting", pure and unedited:

^ wouldn't you like to know where this is from

And here's a snippet that was possibly going to be in hold the low lintel up. I was going to have Tim move in with Jason. This is everything I wrote for it, so you're not missing any context:

“I’ve had to move out of my house,” Tim continues. 

“That’s…a change. Can I ask what—”

“My uncle isn’t real,” Tim says.

Hood lifts his hands. They pause in the air for twenty seconds before he lowers them, fingers extended towards Tim. “What?”

“My uncle’s fake. I made him up. They’d’ve made me live somewhere else, otherwise,” Tim says. “I…I don’t want to live there.”

He leans against the warehouse wall, feels the dusty wood under the flat of his hands. “So, anyway, I was just wondering…” He glances at his shoes, then back to Hood. Nervousness, with an ounce of confidence. Just a pinch, not too much. Very little trust can take you very far. “If it were maybe possible…”

He trails off just as Hood starts to lean forward. Hook, line—

“Could I stay with you?”

—and sinker.

“I don’t think so,” Hood says.“Why not move in with your brother?”

“He’s working. I couldn’t do that to him.” And he lives too far away. 

“I’m working, too,” Hood says. “And I can guarantee I’m not doing the kind of things your cop brother will like.”

“Alright. Well, if you want to find me, you can find me in the Bowery, where that old church is. I don’t think any rogues have made their hideouts there, but I guess I’ll find out.” 

“Park Row isn’t safest place in the world right now,” Hood says. “You know there’s a reason people call it Crime Alley, right?”

“I’ve been around here longer than you think.”

“Look. Kid. You can’t stay with me. And with all these new murders, I don’t think it’s a good idea you’re even coming here. I get it. You don’t want child services sniffing your ass. I get that more than anybody, but. There are people out there, strangers even, who are willing to help you.”

It’s not a guilt trip. It’s a gentle emotional suggestion. It’s taking Hood by the collar and throwing him over Tim’s shoulder to slam him into a giant guilt pit that only gets deeper the more he struggles. Tim’s English teacher calls it pathos. 

Then the suit for an extra layer of DRAMA.

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Also, Tim and Superboy were supposed to be better friends and have sleepovers.

“You were sleep talking,” Superboy says. “It woke me up.”

“Sorry,” Tim says. 

“You don’t look so good, bro. You going to be sick or something?”

“No.”

“What were you dreaming about?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Tim hears the sheets shift as Superboy turns over. 

“I don’t have dreams,” he says. “I hear they can be pretty gnarly though. Was yours gnarly?”

“Yeah.”

“You drink apple juice before bed?”

“No.”

“Good. I hear apple juice fucks you up.” 

They fall silent. Tim doesn’t have his phone to distract him. He stares in the darkness at the blank wall. 

“And cheese,” Superboy says. “Cheese will make you dream some wild shit. Again, can’t say if it’s true. But that’s what the internet told me. I learn a lot of things on the internet.”

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Finally, Black Canary was going to have a role similar to the one she has in Young Justice.

I actually have quite a few snippets of her being sort of Tim's therapist, stereotypical Couch of Mental Breakdowns included, but it never got included into the story, just remained outlier scenes. Also Tim was not very receptive to talking it out.

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Summary: If I'm bored in the story, I throw a firecracker and watch stuff blow up ✌️

Thank you for asking! And it's an absolute honor to have written a story that's both worth a reread and being eaten. Hope this entertains you until I get the next part up!

[unbecomingmrsbell]

when you say nothing at all

There is an older Allison Kraus song with the famous lyrics “When You Say Nothing At All.” Her lyrics conjured all the sweet-nothings of a healthy romance.

I remember him strumming his guitar and singing this song. I believed every lyric. My little 20 year old self believing I had found “the one.” His southern accent held onto each word and it just made my heart swoon. A man with an accent and a guitar singing a love song to “little ol’ me” — gosh — insert blushing cheeks and a giggle-grin.

I can watch these memories play out in my mind as though I am director — no, probably more like a member of the production team. I can envision the first time he took me to his house on “seminary row” as they called it. He got his guitar out and for whatever the reason sitting on the couch didn’t seem right. So he was sitting up on the couch and I sat with my legs curled under me - more than likely wearing that pristine white pencil skirt and white pumps. My long hair pulled away from my face but worn long. He rarely made eye contact, but just played through all the songs he knew — as I clapped and verbally gushed all over the situation.

Looking back — funny because it is the first lyric of his favorite song to sing — Garth Brooks “The Dance” - there is so much irony, foreshadowing, building up of the revelation of who he is in the lyrics of his most played songs.

The connection I built to him was real. It was a true life getting swept off my feet moment. The day I met him during “Meet and Greet” time at church I called my mom that evening and told her I met the man I was going to marry.

I want to pause here. Baby Kristen was soul searching at this point. I moved across the country for a boy. I moved to KC for him. He proposed - no ring - and I accepted. He told me he loved me. But that tumultuous relationship spiraled shortly after I moved to KC on my 19th birthday. We were on-again-off-again-hot-then-cold dysfunctional. The emotional abuse in that relationship was obvious to everyone around me except for me. I was broken down so low that at one point I ended up in a psychiatric ward on suicide watch. I was a bright-eyed, hopeful young woman who didn’t want to be alive anymore. Life was not worth living. Low is too high of a word to describe the quicksand I found myself in.

Cue this past fall. I started the school year with the worst anxiety I have felt in years. I thought it was starting up school again — there was a shooting at a school I taught at a few years ago and I just assumed the anxiety was heightened because of that. But as the events of the fall proceeded, and as I poured myself back into the couch of a therapist / and as I began to open up about the torments of my newfound, but old, familiar “friend” Suicidal Ideation - I realized that despite being 19 years older - my mental state was exactly where it was when I was 19 years old.

I have had years of him saying nothing at all. Roommates. Co-parents. No emotional connection. No smiles. No hugs. No good mornings. No how was your day. No acknowledgement of me as a person.

Grown-Up Kristen is learning the patterns. She is seeing the lies, the facades, the truth. She may not always feel safe to use her voice, and she may not use it appropriately (seriously, Kristen, yelling at your boss with flailing arms and stomping your foot…grow up, hon), but she is wielding it in new ways. Baby Kristen didn’t know what Grown-Up Kristen does.

I love so many things about Baby Kristen — she really is the epitome of innocently naive. She had so much hope. Grown-Up Kristen does now, too.

[bike42]

Wednesday September 27, 2023 - Day 4

Due to “hurricane fragments,” the morning part of the hike was cut out. It had rained a bit overnight, but wasn’t raining when we set out just after 9am.

Shuttle 45 min to Hemmick Bay - plan to hike up to Dodman (Deadman’s) Peak (400 ft), dangerous part of the coast (for boats, not hikers). We met Mike in the parking lot, near Lower Penare Farmhouse, where his Great Gran was born. Six branches of his family lived here when he was a child. They lived self sufficiently - no running water, electricity or gas until the 70s.

We walked through a mile long “Iron Age Ditch” more than 2000 years old (500BC). They think it was a hill fort, as it’s a fabulous defensive position, but there is no evidence that people lived within the fort. The trench was fantastic. In spots, it had been cut away to give farmers access to fields on either side, so we could see the underlying rock level with massive hedges on top.

At the top was a large granite Cross, erected in 1896 as a monument to seafarers that wrecked on the rocks below but were able to scale the cliffs up here to safety. It was thought this hill might possess some special mystical powers.

Near the cross was Coast Guard watch hut / signal station from 1810 - Napoleanic Wars. Had a system of large posts they’d raise flags that could be seen at the next station. Watching for invaders and smugglers (before free trade). For over 100 years, smuggling was a big industry here. Legend says Cornish had donkeys with lights that would lure ships to wreck. Wrecking / recovering from a wrecked ship was an industry as well. Mike says his family are caretakers of the hut, and inside someone had inscribed a nice tribute to Mike himself on the wall! The hut was fenced in to keep the Dartmore wild ponies outside the hut! We saw about 5 and Jeff pulled an apple out of his pack and fed it to a couple of them. They were skittish, but they took the apple from his hand!

We stopped for Lunch at Gorran Haven beach - famous fish n chips shop. This is Mike’s home town and after lunch we did a walking tour with Mike around town. Mike had talked about rowing, and he showed us the boat he rows in on the beach. It’s called “Gig Rowing” and the name comes from racing out to a boat to be able to ferry the captain, therefore “winning” the gig. There were a few people with dogs on the beach, but the wind was growing quite strong, and even though the harbor was quite protected, the waves were serious. The Quay was built in 1818, and it was primarily a fishing harbor.

Next he took us to St Just Church - built by a lovable pirate, foundation goes back to 1200, most of the rest of it is from the 1400s. Methodism took roots in Cornwall, and this church fell into a state of disrepair. In the 1880’s the Church of England was revived church was rebuilt (it had been used to store fisherman supplies).

Walking tour continued through a tiny little street that has been restored to the cobblestones of the 1800’s, complete with the trough where sewage would run downhill. Mike pointed out the cottages are built with an outside stair kneading to the second story. Typically, the family lived up there and fishing supplies and sardine presses were stored down below. We stopped at the Mermaid Cafe, where most of us got an ice cream cone to go, and then we resumed walking uphill.

It had been windy all day, but after lunch we had periodic episodes of rain and the wind picked up significantly. I put on my rain coat, but not my rain pants or gaiters. It was quite warm, and when the rain came, it came sideways! I tried to take a video, but was unable to hold my phone still! I’d never hiked in wind like that, and while we were on a ridge over a cliff, the wind was blowing us away from the cliff so it didn’t feel unsafe. It was actually fun and I was laughing so hard. You had to stay low and move strategically - planting your poles hard and only lifting your foot after you had a secure pole plant. I didn’t see the wind blow anyone over, but it sure felt like that could happen!

Eventually, we turned and headed downhill and the gusts weren’t so bad. We passed a small beach with a boat launch and there were three seals there riding the waves.

Eventually, we arrived in Mevagissey where we said goodbye to Mike. It was fantastic to have him along to teach us about Cornish history and culture. We met up with the van that had driven some of our tour mates from lunch to town. There were two spots on the van heading to the hotel, but Drake had just had a fall and needed to have his arm iced and bandaged so we let him and Karen go. The other van was giving us time to shop, which we didn’t feel the need to do, so we headed into a pub and had a whisky. From Mevagissey, we were supposed to have a 45 minute boat ride to Fowey, but the ferry wasn’t running due to the high winds. Instead, we had a 45 minute van ride. I was surprised the area we drove through was so developed, we’ve just been in these quaint little villages!

Foley is a Commercial sea port with a big harbor. We checked into the Fowey Harbour Hotel, a sister property to our first hotel. Happy to see complimentary gin in the room again! Quick showers, then we were back down for Sian, a

Storyteller who they’ve arranged to entertain us tonight! Sian told us that Cornwall is a place of legends! She told several stories of Giants; one that lived at St Michael's Mount that was killed by Jack the Giant Slayer. She also told us about Piske (pixey) that live in the forest … you can be piske-led / and need carry salt or turn a piece of clothing inside out to keep safe. Finally, she told a few tales of Mermaids, including the story of that “Sand Dume” that Perry had told us a few days ago!

We were on our own for dinner, so Jeff and I walked down to the village where there were lots of options. We settled on a pizzeria where we split an arugula (rocket) salad, pizza and half bottle of wine. We had a nice buzz on then, and ran into Kathy & Henry who helped lead us back to the hotel!

I’m working hard to stay in the moment, but I can’t keep my thoughts away from the end of this trip. We’ll layover in Atlanta for six nights as the BrightStar Owners Conference starts there on Tuesday (Monday for Jeff’s Performance Group) and it didn’t make sense to fly Atlanta to Madison and then back to Atlanta the next day! The BrightStar annual meeting has always been a highlight for me, however it’ll be a lot different for us this year given that we’ve sold our HomeCare franchises back to BrightStar and are the only franchisees of BrightStar Senior Living. As I’ve been hiking I’ve been thinking about how different it’ll be and how other owners may react to us this year in our different status.

I also found myself for the first time missing “home” and family. Wondering how my plants are doing, wondering what’s going on at our Lake Home and sorry to miss our first “fall” season change up there. One of the best benefits of travel might just be the appreciation of “home.”

[dybdahlsvisitportugalspainfrance]

Castro Urdiales and Santander

September 20, 2023

We left Bilbao this morning and I felt sad.

I really loved this city and I would truly enjoy taking a deep dive there.

I also think I said too little about the Guggenheim - so I will correct that. The building itself designed by Frank Gehry, is amazing! We did see some great pieces but the one artist I was excited to see was Yayoi Kusama who had a special exhibit at the Guggenheim. Kusama is a Japanese artist who is famous for her use of polka dots. Kusama creates paintings, sculptures and even entire rooms filled with dots. I was VERY disappointed with the exhibit - so that may be why I kind of brushed off the museum. Kusama is quite amazing. She is in her 90s and has spoken openly about her struggles with mental health. Her work has helped her deal with her health. She is the polka dot queen. The exhibit in the Guggenheim was just too small and the only thing I thought truly gave us a look at her work with the light room.

But I loved Tulips by Jeff Koons.

And this by Richard Serra, "A Matter of Time."

Ok - I feel better about that!! If ever you are in Bilbao you MUST visit this museum. Back to the day:

We drove about an hour westward on the coast. until we reached a little fishing village, Castro Urdiales from the Middle Ages, on the Bay of Biscay. It is a sleepy little town.

This little village was once a whaling town where the brave fisherman used row boats to bring in the catch. That spawned this..

This was a society that was designed to care for the families of the fishermen who did not return. Today the fleet goes after anchovies. I am please to announce that I like anchovies that are GRILLED. The kind in the can or jar are just too salty for me.

I borrowed the picture above from the Internet but the rest are mine. What a beautiful place!!! From here we headed west to Santander through some beautiful county.

Just before we arrived at our destination we took a little detour to a cemetery. NOW - those of you who know we well, know I LOVE cemeteries. I love to know the life and death traditions of the people who live in the places we visit - so I was thrilled - but there was more.

This very modern cemetery was built on top of an ancient church that was built on top of ancient Roman baths.

It was as if someone knew this place had been used for sacred events. It was AWESOME to walk around here and see the today, yesterday and far yesterday uses of this site. I LOVED it!

Then we arrived in Santander.... SWEET!

Our hotel was lovely and enjoyed the town and the local guide tour. There was a golf course here - which some people in our group super happy! (Mark, Daphne, Joe and George to name names.)

We went around the city and saw the summer palace of the Spanish royalty. I don't know who they were - but I do know that the woman is a granddaughter of Queen Victoria of England - but who wasn't - really.

We saw many things in the city and then went to a place where we went to the rooftop. The elevator started low with "si" and went up the scale until we reached the top. We could see the whole city from this vantage point.

On the way down, the "no" started high and went low. Fun in Santander!!!

Stay tuned.

[lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers]

A rather tongue in cheek look at the British class system.

This post started life as an answer to an ask “how do you know which class you are?”- which is an interesting ask to receive, as I always thought most people in the UK had a strong sense of the class system and their place within it.

In the UK, class extends beyond economic factors and each social class tends to have their own, identifiable culture. This culture is, or can be inherited, and it means that people can sometimes identify as a class that doesn't match up with their current apparent economic circumstances.

Apart from the fact I find this personally very interesting, I do think it’s important to examine the class system in the UK. Classism is a very real phenomenon, which exists, for starters. class definitions are difficult and vary with culture and historical moment, but I'll attempt to lay out some key characteristics from my cultural perspective.

The aim of this analysis is not to offend (although it is, at times, to amuse), nor to present one class as “better” than the others.

 Lower- Working class: Your family have traditionally working in non-professional jobs, such as manufacturing, service/hospitality roles, other “unskilled” jobs. Work was likely insecure (especially post Thatcher) and there were periods of being out of work and relying on benefits. Historically, working class people would have lived in council houses or “tied accommodation” but increasingly, they live in insecure rentals. At times, outgoings will have exceeded the money coming in, and there may have been periods where your family needed to rely reselling goods or unconventional sources of credit in order to make ends meet. Increasingly, even in work families are sometimes relying on foodbanks. You/ your family are less likely to drive and own a car. When you were young, it’s likely that you were informally cared for by relatives, or your parents worked opposite shifts to cover childcare.

You speak with a regional accent- it might be pretty strong and you use regional dialect. You eat “tea” in the evening and “dinner” at around midday. A lot of the men in your family follow a local football team, and likely attend games. They might have a bet on the horses, but are unlikely to actually go to the races. Growing up, you might have gone to the park for a kick about with your mates, but you are less likely to have been part of an official team or organised hobby.

You may well care about your appearance, but you’re likely to do things like dye your hair at home, rather than go to a salon. Your clothes are sometimes second hand, but this isn’t through choice. It’s likely you have some clothes or outfits you consider “best”. You may have piercings or tattoos and care less about appearing “conventional”. When you go out, you probably go to a local pub which some people might consider “rough”, but you also sometimes go out clubbing.

You might be close to your family, and the community you grew up in, but it’s also very possible that these relationships are somewhat strained for various reasons. Celebrations such as Christmas (if you celebrate it) and birthdays were important to your family and your parents might have gone a bit overboard with this, even (especially) if they couldn’t afford it.

 At some point in your life, you’ve used the word “scab” as an insult- even if you didn’t know what it meant.

  Upper-Working class: Your family have traditionally worked in skilled trades, or regular “non-professional” employment such as manufacturing. You might also have relatives in the army or in the police force. These days, they might be self employed, but they would be less likely to employ someone else. There are varying degrees of financial comfort, and these days, your family may own their own home but you’re not “wealthy”. It’s unlikely your family have assets or investments beyond one property and cars. If you’re younger than about 35, you or your siblings might have gone to university, but no-one in your parents’ generation has. Your parents probably have a degree of debt beyond a mortgage (if they have one). You probably spent time in childcare when you were young because your parents had to work. If your parents have a mortgage, they are potentially overstretched by it and concerned about how they will pay it off before retirement.

You probably speak with a regional accent and use dialect words. You also use words like serviette, dessert, pardon etc. Someone in your family is really into football but they are more likely to support a team in the premiership and watch games on TV rather than going to matches- if they are into rugby then it’s rugby league unless you’re from Wales or Cornwall. You probably learned to ride a bike as a child, and it may have been your main mode of transport as a teenager. You’re more likely to do a hobby as part of some kind of formal group or club, but it’s unlikely to be one that requires a lot of expensive equipment.

You/your female relatives are probably quite house-proud and take a lot of care over their appearances. There’s probably time spent fake tanning and getting nails done. You’ve probably got a feature wall somewhere in your house. You might have your own distinct sense of style and belong to a “sub-culture” but if you have tattoos, they’re likely to be well planned and/or relatively easily hidden. When you go out, you probably go out clubbing, but you probably have a “local” too.

Family and community are important to you- it’s likely you haven’t moved that far from where you grew up (unless you were really desperate for work). It’s possible the area where you grew up is pretty deprived, although it may be increasingly a victim of gentrification, depending on where you are from.

You know someone who bought their house via “right-to-buy” and thinks this makes them middle class.

 Middle Class: Your family have traditionally worked in more professional jobs. These may not require a degree (especially historically), but we are talking things like accountant, lawyer, doctor, teacher, civil servant etc. They earned a salary rather than being paid by the hour. Some degree of their assets were probably inherited, and they may have some investments e.g. shares or a buy to let property, but this isn’t the whole of their income (unless they are retired and have a decent pension too).

Your parents owned their own home, and are/will be mortgage free by the time they retire. You probably had regular foreign holidays growing up. Your parents are likely to save up for big ticket items, rather than get into debt. You’re not the first generation in your family where people went to university. It’s very likely you had a stay at home parent for part of your childhood.

If you speak with a regional accent, it’s probably not very strong, and it’s likely you don’t use a lot of regional dialect words. You call your midday meal lunch, and your evening meal dinner. If you go to the pub to watch a sports match, it’s more likely to be the six nations than a football game. But it’s equally likely you aren’t into sport at all. Your parents probably made you get swimming and music lessons growing up, and you may well have a hobby- possibly one that requires a bit of financial investment on your part.

You like to think you have a sense of style, but you don’t like to look like you are “trying too hard”. You might be especially into a certain genre of music or films. You may make a nod to subculture in the way you dress, but if you’re older than a teenager, you probably dress in a relatively “conventional” way. You go out to bars, or chain/mid-priced restaurants, although you might also go to a pub for a meal or if there was music on.

Your family probably don’t all live in the same place, and you may only see them relatively rarely. It’s likely your parents have friends from uni or NCT classes who to some extent take the place of family in your life. You may not have a strong sense of community and it’s very possible that if your parents live rurally, you might have moved to the city for work. You’re probably not very religious.

At some point in your life, you have sneered at someone for being a “chav”.

 Upper-middle Class: Your parents are pretty wealthy and almost definitely went to university. You went to a well known university. They likely went to private school and you probably did too (although not a super famous one). If you didn’t go to private school, you went to a grammar school, church school or the most sought after “comp” in the county (your parents probably moved house to get you in). Someone in your extended family owns a second home, or at least a really nice house in the country. You/your parents almost definitely have inherited wealth and assets, as well. You/your parents may just work in a well paid job, but they may also own a medium to large size company. You probably had multiple holidays abroad each year (and it’s very likely you went skiing). If one of your parents’ cars broke down, it would have been very easy for them to replace it, without needing to save up or get into debt, but you don’t have any fear of debt, either. It’s very likely you can get a job through “connections”. It’s likely they employed a cleaner and possibly a gardener, and maybe au-pair or nanny as well.

You speak with an RP accent, and you might have “pudding” after your “supper”. It’s very likely you play a team sport of some kind, probably rugby, cricket, hockey or maybe lacrosse. You might row, or ride horses, or sail. You’ve always been able to do whatever expensive hobby you like, and money has never been a barrier to progressing. You may well shop in charity shops, and brag about the bargains you find there. You may drive an “old” car, but it’s probably a 4x4, genuinely vintage, or quirky in some other way. You have inherited jewellery and possibly some home furnishings. If you’re talented in some way, (sport or artistic) you were probably given every opportunity to persue this.

Networking is important to you and you feel part of a community. You’re probably quite socially confident. It’s likely you know some of the people you work with socially as well. You probably expect to live a reasonably traditional lifestyle, and you’re less likely to be part of a “sub-culture” (unless you’re making a career as an actor or a musician). You probably observe religious festivals, but you don’t go regularly to a place of worship. You avoid chain restaurants, but you like to go to the village pub.

On some level, you probably think “poor” people bring it on themselves through poor decision making.

Upper Class: Historically, your family were rich enough not to have to work for a living, and someone in your extended family owns a very large amount of land. You’re related to someone with a title. You went to a well known private school and you may have boarded. It’s likely your family own multiple properties- some are rented out and some you live in. Some or all of these were inherited, rather than bought. You may have a “private income” of some kind. Your family may have had to “diversify” in recent years, and you may actually be working more than your ancestors did. You might have gone to a well known university, or you might have gone to somewhere like RAU. Your family own multiple cars, and one of them is probably a 4x4. It’s likely your family employed “staff”. At some point since the second world war, your family may well have had to sell off property etc- but your money worries are “how do we avoid selling off land” not “how do we afford to replace the washing machine”.

You talk like you are from the 1940s, and everyone you know has a stupid sounding nickname. You use your own form of impenetrable slang- probably specific to whatever school you went to. You’ve probably been hunting and you know someone who plays polo. You go to events like Royal Ascot, Henley Regatta, the Boat Race and Goodwood etc. You ski. You’ve been on multiple long haul holidays, and you probably went on a “Gap Yah”.

Everyone you know knows everyone else you know and you’re suspicious of people who you don’t have acquaintances in common with. You’ll get married, in a church (you are CofE and white) and having children is fairly important to you. You’re probably involved with some kind of charity work.

You pride yourself on not being a snob, because you got on well with the people you met in Africa, but you’ve never actually spoken to someone who grew up in a council house.

[melisa-may-taylor72]

QUEEN BEFORE QUEEN

THE 1960s RECORDINGS

➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖➖

PART 1:

BRIAN MAY, 1984 & THE LEFT HANDED MARRIAGE

JOHN S. STUART AND ANDY DAVIS DIG DEEP TO UNCOVER THE PREVIOUSLY UNDOCUMENTED AUDIO LEGACY OF ONE OF THE WORLD’S MOST CHERISHED BANDS.

This month the beginning and end of Queen come together like the cosy ending of a contrived Hollywood drama. While fans wait with bated breath for the band’s final album, “Made In Heaven" — completed by Brian May, John Deacon and Roger Taylor with the aid of Freddie Mercury’s last demos — author Mark Hodkinson launches a new book in which, in greater detail than has ever been attempted before, delves into the pre-fame histories of Queen’s musical antecedents.

With previously unpublished photographs of Roger Taylor's the Reaction, John Deacon’s the Opposítion and even more impressively, Freddie Mercury’s Sour Milk Sea, ‘Queen The Early Years’ is a treat fans have waited too long to read. Coincidentally, six months ago, we commissioned Queen historian, John S. Stuart, to research the definitive article on the band’s pre-fame recordings, and as you’ll see, the results complement Hodkinson’s broader picture with hitherto undocumented details of Queen's 60s recordings.

We've touched on Larry Lurex and Smile before, of course, but the vinyl output of those two acts barely scratches the surface, so to speak: literally hours and hours of privately- recorded material of Freddie, Brian, John and Roger survive to this day — as evidenced by the recent discovery of the Reaction’s ‘In The Midnight Hour’ acetate ( see RC 191). So, while the rest of the world comes to terms with the fact that Queen’s recording career is effectively at an end, we unravel the untold history of four individuals' first tentative steps in front of the microphone, beginning with the 1960′s exploits of Brian May. Next month, we’ll embrace Smile, and John, Roger and Freddie's hidden amateur recordings; but first, 1984 and the Left Handed Marriage.

1984

Around late August, or early September 1963, as the Beatles celebrated the birth of Beatlemania with sessions for their “With The Beatles” LP at EMI’s Abbey Road Studios in North London, another rock legend was developing just around the geographical corner. In a semi-detached house in Feltham, Middlesex, electronics engineer Harold May began an 18-month task, helping his sixteen-year-...[ ]

[ ]...old son, Brian, to construct the world's most famous home-made guitar, the ‘Red Special'. In the mean time, Brian would have to be con­tent with thrashing away at the small Spanish acoustic his parents had bought him for his seventh birthday. (Brian evidently mislaid this childhood guitar shortly afterwards; and didn't see it again until 1991, when at a ‘reunion’ of former members of 1984, his schoolfriend and first musical collaborator, Dave Dilloway, returned it to him. Brian was so thrilled, that he featured the guitar in the video for Queen’s “Headlong" single).

By 1964, Brian and Dave Dilloway were already recording amateur duets together, and by linking up their two reel-to-reel tape docks, they discovered that they could lay down guitars on one machine, and perhaps bass, percussion and sometimes vocals on the other. Although the technique was crude, and despite the occasional disaster, the effect was often surprisingly good. One of the earliest tapes from these primitive recording sessions survives to this day, and features Brian belting out Bo Diddley’s eponymous R&B standard, "Bo Diddley".

“This is a mono quarter-inch, reel-to-reel I found buried among various other oddments from the era”,  recalls Dave Dilloway. “It certanly dates from before the formation of 1984. It was recorded in Brian’s back room in Feltham, with Brian on lead vocals and guitar, and myself on bass and drums. The track is basic, but Brian’s vocals are clear and recognisable. The guitar playing is fairly basic as well, but competent, without any real solos as such”.

“ This is the only tape in my collection of those double-track recordings. I’m unsure whether Brian himself has retained the tapes we made at the time, but I believe he usually ended up with the finished versions, so he may still heve them somewhere.”

 The duo also recorded four-track instru­mental cover versions of several Shadows tunes — “Apache”, “FBI”, "Wonderful Land” and "The Rise  And Fall Of Fingel Blunt” — as well as “Rambunkshush”, which they learned from the Shadows’ American counterparts, The Ventures.  Also on the same tape is their reading of Chet Atkins' “Windy And Warm".

 Yet another reel reveals an attempt at Cliff Richard’s "Bachelor Boy", on which Brian, once again, takes the lead vocal. Dave Dilloway's theory is probably correctt; May is known to have a meticulously catalogued personal collection of Queen (and pre-Queen) recordings and memorabilia, which almost certanlly contains unfathomable reels of similar early material.

In the autumn of 1964, Brian and Dave formed a rapidly-evolving band, through which many schoolmates passed, but which eventually settled with a line-up of bassist John 'Jag' Garnham, drummer Richard Thompson, and harmonica-playing vocalist Tim Staffell. After rejecting names such as the Mind Boggles and Bob Chappy & the Beetles, the quintet named themselves after George Orwell’s futuristic novel ‘1984’. Their look was far from sci-fi, however, and they happily adopted the classic, clean-cut beat- group look of the day: jackets, or in Brian's case a cardigan, and narrow trousers; and beat boots. Tim Staffell even acquired that year’s fashion accessory, a pork-pie hat.

The band rehearsed regularly at Chase Bridge Primary School Hall in Twickenham (located next to the rugby ground), and on the 28th October 1964, gave their first public performance at the nearby St. Mary’s Church Hall. It is believed that either one of the rehearsals, or the gig itself, was recorded, but unfortunately, no tape of this debut, perform­ance has survived the years. Although 1984 recorded almost all of their live concerts for their own critical appraisal, to save on the expense of new tape they often wiped over old reels once they’d listened to them. Nevertheless, evidence of Brian May playing live does survive from this period, and the earliest example dates from an unknown gig (Shepperton Rowing Club is the favoured consensus), recorded in late 1965. This wasn’t a 1984 performance, but rather an ad-hoc trio comprising Brian May on bass and vocals, Pete ‘Woolly’ Hammerton (a school friend of Brian’s) on guitar and vocals, and 1984's Richard Thompson on drums. The tape reveals the trio turning in versions of Martha & the Vandellas’ “Dancing In The Street", the Beatles' “Eight Days A Week”, “I’m Taking Her Home” — a song by the group Woolly later joined, the Others — and a brave attempt at the Who’s "My Generation".

The Others comprised older boys from Hampton School, who in October 1964 had issued a single of their abrasive reading of Bo Diddley’s “Oh Yeah", backed by “I’m Taking Her Home", on Fontana (TF 501). “That was good!" claims singer, Tim Staffell. “I’ve still got that record buried somewhere deep in my mind — I remember the singer, Paul Stewart's voice and the quality of the guitar sound. The Others were a pretty significant influence. Maybe not in terms of the music, more in the sense that they were already doing it, which proved it was possible."

As evidenced by the photograph included in this feature, the Others clearly had attitude, something which 1984, or Tim Staffell at least, could only aspire to “If I had tried to push 1984 in any direction," reveals Tim, “then that would have been it. Without hearing any of these tapes of our band — and I didn't even know they existed! — l’d say we probably sounded a lot safer than the Others. Mind you, they were different to us. Their guitar style was very much inspired by American R&B, whereas Brian’s never was. Brian was a unique guitar player: he was able to extemporise a much more original way than most guitar players could. I hope he’ll forgive me for saying so, but I never perceived him as having the dangerous image which was necessary at the time — the cardigan says it all!.

LIGHTWEIGHT

“In retrospect, 1984 was lightweight, a bit fluffy”  concedes Tim. “It was impossible not to be naively ambitious — that was part and parcel of it — and the primary motivation to do it was what we saw in the media as the end results of success. But I guess we were realistic about it — we were at school, after all. Also there was a good deal of pressure in the 60s from our parents, and the conser­vative generation, to conform."

Although a version of “I’m Taking Her Home” by 1984 was captured live on the Shepperton tape, and Brian occasionally guested with the Others on stage, it's worth stating once and for all that — despite the persistent rumours — he definitely doesn’t feature on "Oh Yeah".  In fact, Pete ‘Woolly' Hammerton doesn't even play on the record — he only joined the band formally later on.

In the autumn of 1965, leaving Hampton Grammar with no fewer than four 'A' Levels and ten ‘O’ levels, Brian enrolled at Imperial College in Kensington, London, to read physics and infra-red astronomy. Before breaking up for the Christmas holidays that year, he played the first in a series of gigs with 1984 at the college, a tradition he continued later with Smile, and in their formative days with Queen. Although the exact date of the event has long since been forgotten, a very poor- quality tape still exists of 1984‘s college debut. The set was a typical one, comprising the group’s broad blend of pop, R&B and soul covers, and included the following songs: “Cool Jerk" (originally by the Capitols), ‘Respect" (Otis Redding), "My Girl" (the Temptations), “Shake" (Sam Cooke), “Stepping Stone" (the Monkees), “You Keep Me Hanging On" (the Supremes), “Whatcha Gonna Do Ahout it" ( Small Faces), “Substitute” (the Who), “How Can It Be” (the B-side of the Birds’ final single, “No Good Without You Baby”), “Danc­ing In The Street", “Dream" (Everly Brothers) and the Small Faces’ "Sha La La La Lee".

“Our repertoire was a little too eclectic to have developed into any particular style” reckons Tim Staffell. “But the Small Faces were quite influential. When we were at school, the songs were dredged from all sorts of areas. I’d always liked rhythm’n’blues. Brian’s input would have been Beatles-orientated, Dave’s as well. Richard Thompson would have been more into R&B, and Jag didn't really have an agenda as far as songs were concerned. Because of the nature of the material we covered, our approach to the gigs was almost schoollboy cabaret. 1984 was not a dangerous, moody rock band! Which may have something to do with the way Queen evolved."

1984 oponed 1966 with a couple of gigs at the Thames Rowing CIub in Putney; and once again, a tape recorder was set up to document the group’s progress. Two reels from January that year exist: the first is dated the 15th, and features “Im A Loser” (the Beatles), “I Wish You Would" ( the Yardbirds), “I Feel Fine" (the Beatles), “Little Egypt" (the Coasters), "Lucille” (Little Richard), “Too Much Monkey Business" (Chuck Berry), "I Got My Mojo Working” (Muddy Waters), "WalkingThe Dog” ( Rufus Thomas) and “Heart Full Of Soul" (the Yardbirds).

The second, dated two weeks later (29th January), demonstrates the great variety and confidence of a band which consistently renewed its repertoire. The show began with Jimmy Reed’s  “Bright Lights, Big City", moving into the Cookies' “Chains" (popularised by the Beatles), “Walking The Dog", “Lucille", “Our Little Rendezvous" (Chuck Berry), “Jack O’ Diamonds" (Blind Lemon... (cont)

(cont) Jefferson, popularised by Lonnie Donegan), “I’ve Got My Mojo Working”, “Little Egypt" and Bo Diddley’s “I’m A Man”. The band’s finale was a versión of Sonny Boy Williamson’s "Bye Bye Bird".

For an amateur band with little real pretension towards stardom, or even a serious attempt at securing a recording contract, a staggering amount of live 1984 material has been preserved on tape. Dave Dilloway, for instance, is the guardian of a seven-inch reel-to-reel, which he says reveals either a very long performance or a compilation of various unknown dates.

Either way, the tape is divided into five distinct sections, which might make tedious reading, but is an invaluable reference: 1) “Route 66", (unknown instrumental), “I’m Taking Her Home", “Too Much Monkey Business’, “Yesterday" (featuring Brian May on lead vocals), “Walking The Dog", and “ Lucille"; 2) “Little Rendezvous", "Keep On Running”, “I Feel Fine”, “Walking The Dog”, “Jack O’ Diamonds", “High Heeled Sneakers", “I Want To Hold Your Hand", “I Got My Mojo Working*, and “I Should Have Known Better”; 3) “Little Rendezvous", “Jump Back Baby Jump Back", “I Feel Fine”, “Bye Bye Bird", “Little Egypt", “Crazy House". “Lucille”, “Oh Yeah”, “Heatwave”, “Too Much Monkey Business", “I Should Have Known Better", and “I Got My Mojo Working"; 4) “My Generation", “Little Egypt", “Dancing In The Street", “Whatcha Gonna Do About It", “I’m A Man", “Heatwave", “Lucille", and “Bye Bye Bird"; and 5) “Heart Full Of Soul", “Too Much Monkey Business”, “Something’s Got A Hold On Me", “Keep On Running", “My Generation", "Tired Of Waiting", “Bright Lights. Big City" and “Happy Hendrick’s Polka".

“These are all domestic quality, single microphone recordings of early-era 1984", reveals Dave Dilloway. “It's mostly bluesy material, with some soul and Beatles songs. While the quality is basic, the sound is intelligible, although there isn’t a large amount of identifiable Brian guitarwork. That came later in the band's history, when we included covers of Crearn and Hendrix. Brian's solo vocals on 'Yesterday' (on the first segment) are quite clear, however."

For much of 1966, the band carried on in a similar vein — Brian's and the others' college work permitting, of course. For Brian May and his unsigned, Twickenham-based covers band, the highlight of the following year, 1967, was undoubtedly the gig he secured via through his contacts at the college — supporting Jimi Hendrix at Imperial. The date was 13th May, the day after the release of Hendrix's debut, “Are You Experienced". Brian May idolised Hendrix to such an extent that he'd been nicknamed “Brimi" — a combination of the two guitarists' names—so although 1984 had seen him perform before, it goes without saying they were thrilled when backstage, they actually bumped into the ascending star as they filed past his dressing-room. It’s a familar story, but it's one worth repeating: Jimi enquired memorably, “Which way’s the stage, man?*.

BLOSSOMED

1984's act had certainly blossomed by this point. Their attire was now obligatory Swinging London — or Swinging Middlesex — fare: frilly shirts, Regency jackets, striped hipsters secured with a white belt, and hairtyles extending inexorably over the ears, and indeed the eyes. “Somewhere along the line, there was an external influence there", says Tim Staffell. “There was someone calling the shots. I don’t think all that was self-motivated. It’s something I’ve never been comfortable with, which explains why I split away from it early on — certainly from Smile onwards — because it was going that way; as indeed it ended up with Queen. It's fair enough, but that sort of flamboyance is just not me. I look fairly uncomfortable in the picture of the band from that period. My idea of a rock musician is one with hair down his back, a dirty pair of Levi's on, looking at the floor, thoroughly unconcerned with the visual and external trappings, playing the most extraordinary virtuoso guitar. That was my attitude."

Back in February 1967, Brian’s local paper, the ‘Middlesex Chronicle’ caught up with the band, and captured Tim Staffell in an equally decisive mood; although here, he was more enthusiastic about the latest trend. "Psychodelic music is certainly here to stay”~he claimed. "It makes more of music than mere sound, it makes it a whole and complete art form." Dave Dilloway, who also handled the group's light show, added: “We use everything in our act, including things like shaving foam, and plastic bricks we throw around”.

The ‘Chronicle’ was obviously impressed, and its reporter had this to say about a per­formance by what it called “one of the most foward-looking groups today". “Standards, like ‘Heatwave' receive a very original treatment, mostly due to the sounds that Brian coaxes out of his guitar. Jazz chords and electronic sounds add feeling and nuance to numbers that are often churned out wholesale. Using two bass drums for a fuller sound, Richard's drumming, combined with the full bass riffs of Dave and the steady (rhythm guitar) work of John, provides a firm basis for experiments in sound — an opportunity which is not wasted."

“To be quite honest with you, there’s more substance in the literary content there, than in the musical," laughs Tim Staffell. "If some­one genuinely thought that, then I'm surprised! Brian might have used a fuzz-box. but generally, it was au naturel. I remember in the Smile days, somebody wrote about ‘humming chords of wonder’, referring to my bass playing. The reality of it was that sometimes I did try and play chords on the bass guitar, which might have come out as a deep-throated roar, but actually sounded like a load of crap!"

“We did use to tickle about with a few lights, suggests Dave Dilloway, “but being a local band, money was tight and there wasn’t a fortune to spend on the band." As to 1984's psychodelic sound, Dave adds: “Brian did use a bit of fuzz, yes, and Pink Floyd influences and a bit of screaming guitar. He’d actually built a fuzz box into his guitar, which was fairly unique for the day, but typical Brian. If you look carefully at recent pictures of his “Red Special” you can see the fuzz switch taped over."

In September 1967, no doubt boosted by their praise — sincere or not — in the local press, the continuing evidence of their per­formance tapes and their recent Hendrix support slot, 1984 entered the local beats of a battle-of-the-bands competition at the Top...[ ]

...[ ] Rank Club in Croydon, just south of London. Effectively a promotion for Scotch tape, en­trance to the contest could only be secured via a demo recorded on a Scotch reel. 1984’s effort duly arrived in the form of a two-track master, featuring covers of Marvin Gaye's “Ain’t That Peculiar?" and the Everly Brothers’ “Crying ln The Rain" (on stage, both tracks were usually enhanced by characteristic Brian May guitar solos, but conservatism prevailed, and they were absent in this instance). A copy of this recording still survives, carefully guarded by the custodian of the 1984 archive. “This tape is a quarter-inch, mono reel-to-reel," re­calIs Dave Dilloway. “Tim took lead vocals on 'Ain't That Peculiar?’, and Tim and Brian duetted on ’Crying ln The Rain’. Brian's vocal style and tone can be clearly discerned, if one knows his voice. The songs were recorded in single takes, using a single microphone fed directly to the recorder. There was no mix facility so it has a ‘live' feel, a very good clean sound”. 

The mix was achieved using the old fashioned technique of microphone position and relative volume levels of the amplified Instruments. “As far as I am aware, only the one (master) copy of this tape exists.”

As has been well-documented, after two sets at the competition (one of which saw Brian, Dave, John Garnham and drummer Richard Thompson acting as the back-up band for a singer called Lisa Perez), 1984 won the contest, and walked away with a reel of blank tape (Scotch, of course) and an album each on the CBS label. (Tim took the top prize, Simon & Garfunkel’s “Sounds Of Silence", Brian had to make do with a Barbra Streisand LP, and Dave Dilloway became the proud owner of an album by Irish bandleader Tommy Makem!). More importantly, their demo tape was forwarded to the CBS A&R department for the national showdown, although, clearly, they didn’t win.

True to form, 1984's performance that evening was committed to tape — for an unpublished review by ‘Melody’ Maker, no less — but was probably erased shortly afterwards. The twenty-minute set consisted of the Everlys’ "So Sad", Hendrix’s “Stone Free”, Buddy Knox’s “She’s Gone" and Eddie Floyd's “Knock On Wood". After the gig, the band were invited by a visiting promotor to participate in the all-night gala event which has since gone down as one of the key gigs of the London underground scene: Christmas On Earth Continued, at London's Olympia Theatre, on December 23rd 1967. 1984 was the lowest pro­file act at this decidedly high-profile event, and after Jimi Hendrix, Traffic, Pink Floyd, the Herd, and Tyrannosaurus Rex had all taken to the stage, they only got to perform their humble set of covers at 5 o’clock in the morning. When Brian finally plugged in his ‘Red Special’, 1984 played a thirty-minute set to a very small, and less than enthusiastic, audience.

Also from 1967, and of far more interest, is 1984′s professionally-recorded Thames Television demo tape. During his first-year of study at Twickenham Technical College, Dave Dilloway had made friends with a number of technicians, or trainee technicians, at the Teddington-based ITV company which served the London area. The station had recently invested in new recording equipment, and rather than hire professional musicians at the usual union rate, in a set up similar to the first Queen sessions at the De Lane Lea studios, 1984 were let loose in the studio to record at their leisure. Dave Dilloway's carefully preserved tape still plays perfectly, and includes the following songs: "Hold On I’m Corning", “Knock On Wood“, “NSU", *How Can It Be”, two early run-throughs of the original May/ Staffell composition “Step On Me” (which eventually became the B- side to Smile's “Earth"), “Purple Haze", “Our Love Is Driftin* ”, and medleys of “Remember”/”Sweet Wine" and “Get Out My Life Woman”/ ”Satisfaction". The session ended with a run-through of "My Girl”.

AMALGAM

"What an extraordinary amalgam!" declares Tim Staffell today. “There’s Tamla, Cream, Hendrix, Lee Dorsey . . ‘Our Love Is Driftin' we’d have heard by Paul Butterfield. I’d forgotten there was such a large soul component in 1984!".

Dave Dilloway has the technical details: “This tape is the most re­cent, best and most representative of 1984 that I'm aware of. It is mono, but since it was made on good quality TV studio equipment and was carried out along the lines of a proper studio recording, with separately-mixed microphones for each source, it is remarkably good quality for its age. The material, except for ‘Step On Me', is aII cover versions, but as it dates from the late 1984 era, Brian’s playing is more prominent and effective, with his own style starting to show through. All the performances are competent — particularly Tim’s vocals and Brian's guitar; although the mix is a little heavy on John's rhythm guitar for some reason, probably the ‘ear’ of the recording engineer at the time. All tracks were laid down in one take, i.e., no overdubbing at all, so the sound is predominantly simple, as per our live versions."

And that was 1984′s swansong. In the spring of 1968, shortly afler the Thames recording, mainly due to the pressures of infrequent meetings and university studies — coupled with increasing musical differences — 1984 scaled down their operations drastically. Brian May left the band, and Tim Staffell took over on lead guitar for a while. A little later, Tim himself quit, leaving Dave Dilloway, John Garnham and Richard Thompson to rebuild the group, which soldiered on into the 70′s, content merely to play for fun. They all conceded that 1984 had been a good, solid, and popular local band, but that it didn’t have the necessary spark or originality to transform into a great one.

The Left Handed Marriage

ln the summer of 1965, in another corner of Hampton Grammar School, Brian May’s old friend Bill Richards (who had been a fleeting, early member of 1984 before it acquired its futuristic name), and his colleagues Jenny Hill (née Rusbridge), Henry Deval and Terry Goulds, formed a folk-rock band called the Left-Handed Marriage, named after an archaic form of marrying beneath oneself. By January 1967, the quartet had progressed to the point where they had issued their own privately-pressed album, “On The Right Side Of The Left Handed Marriage", which ran to just fifty copies (and, incidentally, has since acquired cult status among collectors, with a £600 price tag to match).

Although naturally familiar with the al­bum, Brian May as yet had not been involved with the band. That changed in March 1967, after Bill signed a twelve-month contract with EMI's music publishing company Ardmore & Beechwood — a deal secured through the efforts of Brian Henderson, a former member of Edinburgh beat outfit the Mark Five, and more recently, the bassist in Patrick Campbell- Lyons' 60′s psychodelic band, Nirvana. Bill approached Brian to help him create a “fuller" sound for the Left Handed Marriage, with a request to provide guitar and backing vocals on some recording sessions.

On the understanding that the project wouldn’t interfere with his commitment to 1984, Brian agreed. On 4th April 1967, he joined Jenny, Henry, Terry and Bill in AMC Sound, an amateur studio in Manor Road, Twickenham, to record four songs: “Give Me Time” (later changed to “I Need Time"), "She Was Once My Friend", “Sugar Lump Girl” and “Yours Sincerely” (which was basically “Give Me Time" backwards, with new lyrics pinched from the Russian author Pushkin).

The songs were all cleanly-recorded, melodic atempts at 1967 pop (despite the Left Handed Marriage's later classification, there's little actual folk music in evidence). “She Was Once My Friend" is the pick of the bunch, thanks to its Kinks-like structure — complete with Bill Richard's/ Ray Davies-soundalike vocal and, albeit way down in the mix, flashes of that distinctive Brian May 'Red Special’ guitar sound. Acetates of the AMC EP were cut, and the idea had been to release the songs as a commercial EP.  Instead, the set merely became the Left Handed Marriage’s first demo for their publishers, although it did lead to the offer to record at a more professional session — at EMI’s prestigious Abbey Road studios.

The Abbey Road session took place on 28th June 1967, when Left Handed Marriage were joined by Brian and 1984′s Dave Dilloway, who was drafted in to play bass. Two further tracks were cut: the reworked “I Need Time",...[ ]

...[ ] and a new song called “Appointment". At this stage, there was more talk of issuing a record, this time a single, and a release date of August was even discussed. This never materialised either, and again 7″ acetates are all that remain.

Although Ardmore & Beechwood were pleased with the results, they still thought the Left Handed Marriage could improve their sound even further, and on 31st July 1967, they booked the band into another studio, this time Regent Sound in central London. As Dave Dilloway was not available, another friend, John Frankel, was called upon to play bass and piano. The eight-track Regent Sound ma­chine was something of a technological marvel, and the session was flawlessly recorded, resulting in new versions of “I Need Time”, “She Was Once My Friend" (which also remixed and edited for the abandoned single), and "Appointment".

Despite the studio quality of the tape, Ardmore & Beechwood failed to place the songs with a record label, and like so many groups before and since, the Left Handed Marriage quietly disappeared from view. It was left to frontman Bill Richards belatedly to issue the fruits of this last session, when in February 1993, he tagged the three Regent Sound recordings — the final mix of “I Need Time”, the abridged version of “She Was Once A Friend Of Mine” and the final mix of “Appointment” — onto the end of “Crazy Chain”, a CD recorded by the reformed Left Handed Marriage, which itself was prompted by collector's interest in the group’s original 1967 LP,  “The Right Hand Side Of...” . Most of the master tapes for the LHM recordings featuring Brian May have Iong since disappeared along with the Regent Sound studio, and (with the exception of "She Was Once My Friend") the Richards/May collaborations on the CD were digitally remastered from acetates.

RECORD COLLECTOR Nº 195, NOVEMBER 1995

➡NEXT: ROGER TAYLOR’S REACTION 

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[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

September 17, 2021

Heather Cox Richardson

One hundred and fifty nine years ago this week, in 1862, 75,000 United States troops and about 38,000 Confederate troops massed along Antietam Creek near Sharpsburg, Maryland.

After a successful summer of fighting, Confederate general Robert E. Lee had crossed the Potomac River into Maryland to bring the Civil War to the North. He hoped to swing the slave state of Maryland into rebellion and to weaken Lincoln’s war policies in the upcoming 1862 elections. For his part, Union general George McClellan hoped to finish off the southern Army of Northern Virginia that had snaked away from him all summer.

The armies clashed as the sun rose about 5:30 on the clear fall morning of September 17, 159 years ago today. For twelve hours the men slashed at each other. Amid the smoke and fire, soldiers fell. Twelve hours later, more than 2000 U.S. soldiers lay dead and more than 10,000 of their comrades were wounded or missing. Fifteen hundred Confederates had fallen in the battle, and another 9000 or so were wounded or captured. The United States had lost 25% of its fighting force; the Confederates, 31%. The First Texas Infantry lost 82% of its men.

That slaughter was brought home to northern families in a novel way after the battle. Photographer Alexander Gardner, working for the great photographer Matthew Brady, brought his camera to Antietam two days after the guns fell silent. Until Gardner’s field experiment, photography had been limited almost entirely to studios. People sent formal photos home and recorded family images for posterity, as if photographs were portraits.

Taking his camera outside, Gardner recorded seventy images of Antietam for people back home. His stark images showed bridges and famous generals, but they also showed rows of bodies, twisted and bloating in the sun as they awaited burial. By any standards these war photos were horrific, but to a people who had never seen anything like it before, they were earth-shattering.

White southern men had marched off to war in 1861 expecting that they would fight and win a heroic battle or two and that their easy victories over the northerners they dismissed as emasculated shopkeepers would enable them to create a new nation based in white supremacy. In the 1850s, pro-slavery lawmakers had taken over the United States government, but white southerners were a minority and they knew it. When the election of 1860 put into power lawmakers and a president who rejected their worldview, they decided to destroy the nation.

Eager to gain power in the rebellion, pro-secession politicians raced to extremes, assuring their constituencies that they were defending the true nature of a strong new country and that those defending the old version of the United States would never fight effectively.

On March 21, 1861, the future vice president of the Confederacy, Alexander Stephens, laid out the world he thought white southerners should fight for. He explained that the Founders were wrong to base the government on the principle that humans were inherently equal, and that northerners were behind the times with their adherence to the outdated idea that “the negro is equal, and…entitled to equal privileges and rights with the white man.” Confederate leaders had corrected the Founders’ error. They had rested the Confederacy on the “great truth” that “the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery subordination to the superior race is his natural and normal condition.”

White southern leaders talked easily about a coming war, assuring prospective soldiers that defeating the United States Army would be a matter of a fight or, perhaps, two. South Carolina Senator James Chesnut Jr. assured his neighbors that there would be so few casualties he would be happy to drink all the blood shed in a fight between the South and the North. And so, poorer white southerners marched to war.

The July 1861 Battle of Bull Run put the conceit of an easy victory to rest. Although the Confederates ultimately routed the U.S. soldiers, the southern men were shocked at what they experienced. “Never have I conceived of such a continuous, rushing hailstorm of shot, shell, and musketry as fell around and among us for hours together,” one wrote home. “We who escaped are constantly wondering how we could possibly have come out of the action alive.”

Northerners, too, had initially thought the war against the blustering southerners would be quick and easy, so quick and easy that some congressmen brought picnics to Bull Run to watch the fighting, only to get caught in the rout as soldiers ditched their rucksacks and guns and ran back toward the capital. Those at home, though, could continue to imagine the war as a heroic contest.

They could elevate the carnage, that is, until Matthew Brady exhibited Gardner’s images of Antietam at his studio in New York City. People who saw the placard announcing “The Dead of Antietam” and climbed the stairs up to Brady’s rooms to see the images found that their ideas about war were changed forever.

“The dead of the battle-field come up to us very rarely, even in dreams,” one reporter mused. “We see the list in the morning paper at breakfast, but dismiss its recollection with the coffee. There is a confused mass of names, but they are all strangers; we forget the horrible significance that dwells amid the jumble of type.” But Gardner’s photographs erased the distance between the battlefield and the home front. They brought home the fact that every name on a casualty list “represents a bleeding, mangled corpse.” “If [Gardner] has not brought bodies and laid them in our dooryards and along the streets, he has done something very like it,” the shocked reporter commented.

The horrific images of Antietam showed to those on the home front the real cost of war they had entered with bluster and flippant assurances that it would be bloodless and easy. Southern politicians had promised that white rebels fighting to create a nation whose legal system enshrined white supremacy would easily overcome a mongrel army defending the principle of human equality.  

The dead at Antietam’s Bloody Lane and Dunker Church proved they were wrong. The Battle of Antietam was enough of a Union victory to allow President Abraham Lincoln to issue the preliminary emancipation proclamation, warning southern states that on January 1, 1863, “all persons held as slaves within any State, or designated part of a State,” where people still fought against the United States, “shall be then, thenceforward, and forever free; and the…government of the United States…will recognize and maintain the freedom of such persons....”

Lincoln’s proclamation meant that anti-slavery England would not formally enter the war on the side of the Confederates, dashing their hopes of foreign intervention, and in November 1863, Lincoln redefined the war as one not simply to restore the Union, but to protect a nation “conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”

To that principle, northerners and Black southerners rallied, despite the grinding horror of the battlefields, and in 1865, they defeated the Confederates.

But they did not defeat the idea the Confederates fought, killed, and died for: a nation in which the law distinguishes among people according to the color of their skin. Today, once again, politicians are telling their followers that such a hierarchy is the best way forward for America, and today, once again, those same politicians are urging supporters to violence against a government that defends the equality before the law for which the men at Antietam—and at Gettysburg and Cold Harbor, and at four years worth of battlefields across the country—gave their lives.

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

[qqueenofhades]

Having just sent you a message the other day about how much I love your historical asks, I realized I have a question myself that you might know the answer to. I’m a Christian and I have never been able to figure out why Christianity has historically viewed non-procreative sex for pleasure as bad. (And none of my family, including my clergy father, have figured it out either. I think my dad has a bone to pick with Augustine? And I feel like Aquinas also has something to do with this.) But given that Jesus had a body and gives a speech about “the Son of Man came eating and drinking” as though he enjoyed it, how did this whole “the body is sinful especially the sex part” thing happen? I have been thinking about this a lot recently for Old Guard reasons, which should surprise no one.

Oof. So, a short and simple question, then. (Sidenote: did they expand ask limits? Because I’ve definitely gotten a couple asks today, including this one, that are longer than usual, rather than forced to space out and hope that Tumblr doesn’t eat them.)

The entire history of sexuality in the West and its relationship with Christianity throughout the centuries is obviously a topic that far, far exceeds anything I could possibly cram into this ask, but let’s see if I can hit on some of the highlights. First off, one could remark that some aspects of Jesus’s teaching managed to disappear from the official doctrine of Christianity almost immediately, and for a variety of theological, cultural, and social reasons. As anyone who has a passing knowledge of the late Roman Empire is aware, they were known for being sexually liberate (at least if you were a nobleman, as the freedom certainly did NOT apply to women), and the notorious run of emperors who were having orgies and sleeping with boys and their sisters and hosting nonstop sex parties did a lot to sour early Christianity’s relationship with it. Because pre-Constantine/Theodosian Code Rome was Christianity’s enemy (since Christians refused to perform the traditional civic sacrifices to the Roman gods, which was all that Rome required alongside permitting its citizens to practice whatever other religion they wanted), and because the emperors were such a high-profile example of sexual excess, that became an easy point of critique. Obviously, the Roman polemicists, like every other historian, should not be trusted on EVERYTHING they say about the emperors, but the general pattern is there and well-established. So Christianity, trying to establish its religious and moral bona fides, can easily go, “Well, Caligula/Nero obviously sucks, come join us and live a purer and more moral life!”

Constantine converted in the early fourth century and the Theodosian Code was issued at the end of the fourth century, which made Rome officially Catholic and represented a huge reversal of fortune for fledgling Christianity, helping it expand like crazy now that it was officially sanctioned. However, the Roman Empire was splitting into two halves, west and east, and the development of Greek Christianity in the eastern empire was strongly influenced by ascetic and austere traditions (if you’ve heard of the Stylites, i.e. the guys who liked to sit atop poles out in the Syrian desert to prove how holy they were, those are them). The cultural context of denial of the flesh and the renouncing of bodily pleasures also played intensely into the third/fourth/fifth century debates over heresy and orthodoxy. Some of the most vicious arguments came over whether Jesus Christ could have actually had an embodied (and therefore possibly inherently sinful) human body, or it was just a complicated illusion, the “shell” of a body that his entirely divine nature then inhabited without actually being part of. This involved huge theological arguments over the redemptive nature of the Eucharist and even Christ’s sacrifice: was it real/effective/genuine if he didn’t REALLY die and suffer the pain of being crucified, and was just assured that he’d be fine ahead of time? So yeah, the question of whether Christ had a real body (because then that might be sinful) was the knock-down, drag-out theological disagreement of the early centuries C.E., and left a lot of hard feelings and entrenched positions in its wake.

Likewise, your dad is correct in having a bone to pick with Augustine, at least in terms of his impact on views of sexuality in the late antique and early medieval Christian church. Augustine is obviously famous for agonizing endlessly over his sexuality/sexual urges in Confessions, his time as a Manichaean, his relationship with a woman and the birth of his son out of wedlock (and if you want a lot of repressed homoeroticism: well, Augustine’s got that too) and how his conversion to Christianity was intensely tied with his renunciation of himself as a sexual being. Augustine also pioneered the nature of the inheritance of Original Sin: therefore, every human who was born was sinful by virtue of sharing in humanity’s legacy from Eve’s transgression in the Garden of Eden. (And yes, obviously, this led to the beginnings of the embedding of clerical and social misogyny. Oh Augustine, I kind of hate you anyway because I had to read the entire goddamn 1000-page City of God during my master’s degree, but bro, you got a lot to answer for.) This involved EVEN MORE obscure speculations about whether original sin was passed down in male semen, and therefore Jesus was free of it because he was supposedly born divinely to a woman without a male father, but yeah, the idea that sexuality itself was already a suspect thing was fairly well correlated and then cemented by Augustine’s HUGE influence over the early church. Everything post-Augustine incorporated his ideas somehow, and so the idea of bodily pleasures as separating you from divine purpose got even more established.

Then we had the Carolingians in the eighth and ninth centuries, who were the first “empire” per se in Western Europe post-Rome, and who were also intensely concerned with legislating moral purity, policing the sexual behavior especially of its queens, and correlating moments of political or military defeat with insufficiently virtuous private behavior. The Carolingians likewise passed these ideas onto their successor kingdoms, especially the medieval kingdom of France (which would eventually become the pre-eminent secular power in Western Europe). Then the eleventh century arrived with the Cluniac and Gregorian Reforms (which were interrelated). One of their big goals was for a celibate and unmarried clergy on all levels of holy orders, from humble village priests to bishops and archbishops. Prior to this, clergymen had often been married, and there wasn’t a definite sense that it was bad. But because of this, and the idea that a married clergyman wasn’t pure enough to provide the Eucharist and would be distracted from his commitment to the church by a wife and family, the Cluniac and papal reformers intensely attacked sex and sexuality as evil. Priests didn’t (or rather, were not supposed to) do it, and if you weren’t in a heterosexual church-performed marriage and didn’t want children, you shouldn’t be doing it either. (Did this stop people, and priests, from doing it? Absolutely not, but that was the rhetoric.) This was about when celibacy began to be constructed as the top of the heap in terms of holy lifestyles, for men and women alike and laypeople as well as those in holy orders. NOT having sex was the most virtuous choice for anyone, even if sex was a necessary evil for having heirs and the next generation and so on. (Which is interesting considering that our hypersexualized present attaches so much value to having sex of one sort or another, and the asexual-exclusion types, but yeah, that’s a different topic for now.)

Of course, when the Cathars (a schismatic Catholic heresy in France and Italy) in the twelfth and thirteenth centuries began attacking ALL materiality and sexuality as irredeemably evil, the Catholic church went a bit like “whoa whoa that’s a little too far, hold on now, SOME sex is good, sex can be nice, we’re not actually like those guys” (even though they had been about a hundred years before). Because Cathar spirituality taught that any kind of attention or indulgence to the body was sinful, that included any kind of sex at all, even married heterosexual intercourse. (Of course, the Cathars themselves didn’t always live up to it either; see Beatrice de Planissoles and her Cathar priest lover.) The Catholic church obviously didn’t want to go THAT far, so they began rowing back some of their earlier blanket statements about the evilness of sexuality and taught that husband and wife both had a responsibility to offer each other sexual pleasure and fulfillment. I’ve answered many asks about sexual behavior and unions in the medieval era, the arguments over the definition of marriage, and how that changed over time in response to social needs and pressures, so yes. We know what the IDEALS were, and what people were legally supposed to do, but the fact that church writers were complaining about bad behavior, sexual and otherwise, literally the whole time means that, obviously, this did not always match up with reality.

The theories of the Roman physician Galen, which prescribed that female orgasm was necessary to conceive, were also well known and prevalent in the medieval world, which meant that ordinary married couples trying to have children would have had some awareness that female pleasure was supposedly necessary to do it. (This ties into my “it wasn’t an unrestrained extravaganza of violent painful rape for women all the time YOU GODDAMN MORONS JESUS CHRIST” rant, but we will recognize that I have Many Rants. So yes.) Obviously, we can’t know what the sex life of individual married couples behind closed doors was actually like, but there were a variety of teachings and official stances on sex and how it was supposed to be done, and as noted in other posts, just because the church thought it is zero guarantee that ordinary people thought that way too. People are people. They (usually) like having sex. They had sex, both gay and straight, married and unmarried, so on and so forth, even if the church had Opinions. Circle of life, etcetera.

Anyway, then the Renaissance arrived (and we just had the “why the Renaissance sucked for women” ask the other day), which prescribed a reversal of all the comparative sexual and political and social latitude that women had gradually acquired over the medieval era. It very much wanted to see women returned to their silent, domestic, maternal, objet d’arte roles that they had occupied in antiquity, and attacked the actions of women in their public and private lives as one of the major causes of the crises of the late medieval era. (Because you know, misogyny is always a useful scapegoat rather than blaming the powerful men who have fucked everything up, as we’re seeing again right now.) Because the Renaissance is regarded, fairly or unfairly, as the start of the early modern Western world, it’s where a lot of modern gender attitudes and views of sexuality became more explicitly codified and distributed faster than at any point in history before, to a more extensive audience, thanks to the invention of the printing press. We’ve obviously had moves toward sexual liberation and agency in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, and the emergence of the modern feminist and gay rights movements, but now in some ways, we’re back in oddly Puritan attitudes in the twenty-first century. And since America was founded by Puritans, their social attitudes are still embedded in the culture, fanned today by hyper-conservative Protestant evangelicalism. Even though Puritans themselves ALSO, shock surprise, didn’t always live up to the stringent standards they preached.

...whoof. I’m sure I’m forgetting something, but hopefully that gives you the broad-strokes development.

[cerastes]

Drimo, what IS the Centipede VTuber lore? Reveal it... Reveal it!

I was waiting to have an overlay and a few other things ready before dropping it, but you know what, Centipede VTuber lore, here it is.

--

The first step is posture.

The second step, strong eye contact.

And the third? You guessed it: A signature move that can annihilate them in a split second.

If you ask anybody, it is clear as morning dew that these are the building blocks to make a good first impression at a job interview. But see, a good and lasting first impression is not essential only to land that job or snatch that internship, it is fundamental for a variety of things, like marriage, seminars, and dungeon keeping.

And it is that solitary shining element in a bucket of otherwise drab boring everythings that matters here. But, ah, let us not get ahead of ourselves, yes? In media res is delightful, but today, this humble narrator wishes to relinquish unto you, without mirrors and smoke but definitely with bells and whistles, The Story of the Centipede of Want.

Once upon a time, within the ruined walls of a famously affluent cathedral’s brick and silver walls, there lived the Centipede, as he was known back then. As attentive ace detectives among readers might be able to discern, the Centipede was a centipede, long and eerie, body of man and beast alike everywhere it mattered, famished for as much sustenance as his forcipules could catch first, and as many things that he could get his numerous hands on a very close second. Warm in winter and cool in summer, the ruined cathedral was a comfortable place to live in, where a spring feast on autumn was common occurrence for the Centipede. Insects, such as scavengers and looters, from hereon morsels, habitually wandered in, looking for the old relics of silver and amethyst ripe for plundering in the ruins of the withered house of worship, becoming sustenance for its longest-lived predator, the four-armed, hundred-legged menace that prowled its once decadent halls, filled with the stagnant air of the hunt. Truth be told, the cathedral had long been looted for most of its relics and arcane implements, its silver goblets and amethyst utensils of all sizes and shapes, so the only ones that wandered in were fools and lesser beasts looking for refuge. It was a peaceful, easy life for the Centipede.

But at the same time, something like throbbing roots thrashed in the back of the Centipede’s head, something that tasted of cyan and grey and had no name, as far as the menace knew. Initially, it was merely a light jostle, but as time passed, the thrashing intensified like a landslide, eating away at his every thought, crunching harder and louder than his mandibles did the carapaces and cheap iron armor of the unfortunate interlopers caught in his granite and silver hunting grounds:

Complacence.

Cyan and grey and rancid and bitter. The Centipede’s mind was impregnated by throbbing unease, its quaking manic, its incisors sharp, its vice grip tight. During the day, it was common for the Centipede to mock the bishop and the priests of the once opulent church, begging day after day for tithe and tribute, only to feast behind closed doors of oak and silver. And yet, he himself was much the same: Preying on weak interlopers during the day, pretending to be a grandiose warlord among what little silver and amethyst decadence was left in the ruins during the night, devoid of any real strength and riches he could call his own.

In his ideal world, for each leg he had, he’d wear a different, uniquely etched and engraved silver band. In three hands, he’d hold silver goblets filled with the world’s finest wine, mead, and rum, aged in mahogany casks, with touches of juniper berries, and on his last hand, he’d hold an oversized goat leg, from which he’d munch on in between rounds of ambrosia. Ah, to be the Centipede! Or rather, the powerful entity in his wildest dreams!

Realization is the sharpest blade of them all. No matter how much you temper your carapace, that which is crafted from denial can’t ever hope to stop such a spearhead. Thus, the Centipede came upon an epiphany: He simply had to get that which he desired with his own hands, and that cyan and grey pulsating cluster of fangs would be gone! And so, he got to work: He’d go to one of the silver mines the town was famous for and become its biggest, meanest threat! The head honcho of harm! The throbbing titan of threat! The punishing pimple of pain! The alliterative administrator of annihilation! Oh, with mandible and might, he’d deliver the most poignant of Rectal Ragnaroks and Colon Crucifixions to any who’d dare wander into his domain!

He’d be the most feared Boss Fight of all!

The Centipede rushed out of the church, his two rows of endless legs clacking a demented tarantella as he headed right towards the hill, his putrid eyes fixed on the silver mine. It was time to begin his reign of rambunctious terror!

Or so was the plan. The plan that was supposed to work. Do you think the plan worked?

It didn’t. It really, really didn’t.

To say the Centipede feasted upon manure would be an understatement. Here’s some statements from adventurers that fought him:

“There’s definitely the intimidating factor of something with more legs than a ballroom, but his moveset was predictable. Kinda easy experience and silver, not gonna lie.” -- Anonymous Rogue, Adept Adventurer.

“Well, how to say this... His boss music could use some work, and only two life bars? I just got done fighting something with four phases, so this was... Well, anyways, at least he dropped a nice skill book.” -- Anonymous Mage, Adept Adventurer.

“I cheesed the dumbass with 100% physical damage resistance because he doesn’t have any elemental damage, lmao get bopped idiot, I kept using my overhead helmsplitter and he kept crouching and blocking in panic, you love to see it.” -- Anonymous Samurai, Adept Adventurer.

“He’s kind of a Stage 3 boss, nothing special, he’ll never make it big.” -- Anonymous White Mage, Adept Adventurer.

“mfer wont drop the damn skill book whats the drop rate on that shit i bet the skill sucks anyways, ive kicked his ass like 14 times now orz” -- Anonymous Warrior, Novice Adventurer.

Alas, it turns out that outside his domain of brick and silver, the Centipede wasn’t so big and mean, after all.

And that’s where most stories end: The monster gets conquered by adventurers, and everyone learns how to cheese it. A nice The End in fancy font then drops in front of you and you go to bed.

But you’re not going to bed today, shitlips.

Because this story is not over.

No.

He wasn’t going to take it.

He didn’t have to take it.

The Centipede rose back to its many feet and decided that he’d start from square one: He’d learn what makes a good boss fight no matter what! Then and there, the Centipede vowed to accrue a staggering amount of health bars, to have as many phases as he had legs, to have a moveset so diverse and foul that adventurers would get acid reflux merely by hearing about the shocking amount of tricky delays and annoying status effects his attacks entailed, to have the single most facemelting ultrabanger of a boss theme, and to never, ever again crouch against an overhead.

That day, the Centipede became The Centipede of Want, and what is it that he want? To be the biggest, meanest Final Boss ever!

...But that requires training! A lot of it! How did he decide to go at it? Why, by streaming a veritable variety of video games, of course! By learning from the boss fights of a deluge of games, he’d be able to craft new strategies most rancid and concoct novel attacks most putrid. Plus, what a better way to learn of the adventurers’ way of fighting than by being the adventurers in games? Not to mention that he could naturally engage with humans in conversation and have them unwittingly reveal their weaknesses to him! It was genius! The Centipede of Want headed to the cathedral’s ruins one last time, grabbed every last piece of silver and amethyst not yet plundered in there, and traded it for a streaming set-up in town. Using the last of the silver, he fashioned a mask for himself to signify that he was done being the complacent bully that roamed the walls of that decadent cathedral.

It was time to begin training.

He’d feast on weaklings no more.

He’d eat gods from now on. He’d seek adversity. He’d seek strength.

And the rest would naturally follow.

[inkslingersworld]

Zusammen: Part XI

Link to all parts here.

While Adrien and Kagami were eating dinner and agonizing over the newfound revelations, Luka Couffaine was eating licorice and agonizing over the upcoming concert.

What had caused the momentary lunacy that made him accept Rose’s offer for Kitty Section to perform some of his recently written songs at the music festival? It would’ve been all good and fine if they’d been instrumental, like most of his previous work, but these songs had lyrics. That he would be singing. In front of a multiple-thousand person audience. What had given his brain the audacity to short-circuit and make him respond “yes” to Rose’s question?

Though he’d never admit it as long as he lived, Luka despised singing. Not other people doing it, but himself. He couldn’t understand why; after he’d agreed to Rose’s suggestion, he practiced singing one of his songs in the shower, and he thought he sounded pretty good. Luka supposed it could have something to do with being watched by multitudes of eyes, but that didn’t make since either - he’d spoken at several former Kitty Section gigs without incident. For some reason, singing before a crowd just got him.

He gave a startled jerk at being tapped on the shoulder, turning to face his sister, Juleka.

“Luka, you good? You look a little pale, what’s the matter?”

“Uh... nothing. Just that these Twizzlers taste like rubber,” Luka answered, not necessarily lying.

Juleka gave him an understanding look. “If you want, we could feed them to Fang.”

“Is he supposed to eat licorice?” asked Luka.

“If he can eat Dad’s portable cassette player, I’m sure some candy won’t hurt him,” said Juleka.

“I thought Fang got sick after eating the cassette player,” Luka said confusedly.

“What made you think that?”

“Right after he ate it, I heard these awful wailing sounds from the bathroom. They went on for like an hour.”

“No, that was Dad mourning.”

“Oh, okay.”

Luka handed the half-empty packet of licorice to Juleka. She pocketed it and looked at him expectantly.

“What?” Luka asked.

“Aren’t you coming?” Juleka asked back. “It’s time to rehearse.”

“I-It’s time to rehearse?” repeated Luka nervously. “Now? I thought we had an hour!”

“It’s been an hour,” huffed Juleka impatiently, waving hair out of her face. “We would’ve finished already, but you said you needed to rehearse for the rehearsal and shut yourself up in your room.”

“Ah. R-Right.”

Juleka studied her brother’s anxious face intently. “Luka, you have nothing to worry about. You’re one of Kitty Section’s most talented members. Heck, you’re as good as Dad at this point.”

“Ouch,” said Luka, in a mock offended voice. 

Both brother and sister laughed heartily, but once the laughter subsided, Luka’s feeling of dread slowly crept back into his mind. 

“You ready?” asked Juleka.

Luka took a deep breath; he wasn’t about to let his friends down. 

“Alright,” he said, with as much confidence as he could muster. “I’m ready.”

===========

The performance space on the deck of the Liberty was lit only by outdoor string lights and the stars above in the heavens. When the spotlight flicked on and the band walked onstage, Luka had trouble determining who was in the audience. He could certainly make out his parents and Fang (they were in the front row), but all other faces were shrouded in darkness.

“Hi everyone!” chirped Rose effervescently. “You know us, we’re Kitty Section! This isn’t really a concert, it’s a rehearsal, but that doesn’t mean it has to be any less fun! One thing different about tonight’s performance is that we will be debuting some song written by our lead guitarist, Luka Couffaine!”

A smattering of applause followed Rose’s announcement. Luka squeezed his bracelet tensely.

“I have to say, Luka has written some truly fantastic songs for our band, and he will be opening our rehearsal by performing one of them for us! I give you, Luka Couffaine, playing his own original song, ‘The Quiet’!”

The applause returned stronger, although they could have thrown tomatoes for all Luka cared. “The Quiet”? No. No no no no no no no no no. He wasn’t overly fond of singing any of his songs, but especially not “The Quiet”. Luka had written that song to be performed a cappella - without instruments. 

Had he agreed to sing “The Quiet”? Luka couldn’t remember - the fear of singing in front of a crowd had shut out anything else at the time of Rose’s suggestion. He guessed he could ask Rose if he could sing another song, but once he’d thought of this, he was already at center stage, his mouth centimeters away from the microphone. Had he walked there? 

Focus, he thought. You can do anything. You’re Viperion, for Christ’s sake!

Luka opened his mouth to sing, but his vocal chords refused. 

I said ‘Focus’! his mind told him. Choose a single spot to train your eyes on. Look at nothing except for that one spot. Didn’t your dad say that helped to calm nerves onstage?

Yeah, he did, Luka said to his mind. 

He decided to stare at the Notre-Dame Cathedral; the Liberty was parked in an area of the Seine that provided a perfect view of the famous church. However, when his eyes traveled up from his shoes to gaze at the stained glass windows, Luka found something a million times better.

Marinette. The love of his life. The center of his whole world. 

How had he not seen her before? She was right up in the front row with his family, staring at him with a heartfelt expression that made Luka’s heart expand in his chest. He knew that as long as Marinette was here, everything would work out. 

Luka waved to his girlfriend. Marinette smiled widely and waved back.

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

That’s how Luka wrote “The Quiet” to begin, with the calm shushing noise. After a four second pause, he began whispering the lyrics softly into the mic, just like the song was supposed to go.

Don’t cry now, darling / the quiet will keep you safe / lullaby now, darling / the quiet will keep you safe / sweet dreams are ‘round the corner / I’ll be waiting there for you / and we’ll fly above the clouds / with the wings our joy will bring / in the search for something new

Another four second pause; Luka had originally written “The Quiet” as a lullaby for Marinette, though this would be the first time she or anyone else heard it, unless there had been spies in the bathroom while he showered.

It’s all right, darling / the quiet will keep you safe / stars are out tonight, darling / the quiet will keep you safe / so lay down on the pillow / make sure to set your alarm / but I’ll stay awake a bit / to marvel at your peaceful face / and keep alert in case I need to protect you / from harm

Luka ceased singing; the song wasn’t very lengthy. Despite this, the applause was the strongest yet, accompanied by whoops and cheers, and even though Luka knew there were less than a dozen individuals seated before him, the clapping sounded loud enough to him to fill the Parc des Princes. He felt so relieved that he hadn’t frozen up during the performance that he didn’t even register Marinette approaching until she’d kissed him. Further cheering ensued as Luka kissed back, and when they finally separated, both of them were beaming.

“Luka, you were amazing!” said Marinette proudly. “I knew you were strong enough to not freak out!”

There was an awkward silence. Marinette’s smile slowly faded.

“Oops,” she said, beginning to blush. “I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

“You guys knew I was nervous?” asked Luka, amused rather than upset. “How’d you even find out?”

“It was all Jagged,” grumbled Anarka annoyedly. “I tried to tell him you could handle yourself, but no, you needed emotional support.”

Anarka said the last two words in a frighteningly good Jagged impersonation. Everyone laughed, including the rock star himself, and Anarka couldn’t help chuckling.

There was a dinging sound. As all people in the vicinity kept laughing, Marinette pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked it. She stopped laughing almost immediately.

“Luka?” she asked uncertainly. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Absolutely,” Luka replied, wondering what the matter was. 

Once they’d retreated to a secluded part of the boat, Marinette said, “Adrien just sent me a text.”

Although Marinette and Adrien no longer held romantic feelings for each other, they still had a close relationship that Luka mentally compared to his and Juleka’s. Marinette would usually react positively to a message from him.

“Why is Adrien texting you bad?” Luka asked, puzzled.

Marinette handed Luka her phone, and Luka read the text aloud.

“Marinette, I need you and Luka to meet me and Kagami at the Nerve Center as soon as possible. Better bring Nino and Alya for good measure. I know I don’t need to ask you to keep your Miraculous on you, but just be extra sure to have Tikki at the ready. Kagami and I have just made a lot of startling discoveries, and it may or may not involve Hawk Moth.”

Luka’s brow furrowed. “May or may not involve Hawk Moth? He isn’t sure?”

“It doesn’t seem like it,” sighed Marinette. “I’ll go get Alya and Nino. If you want, I can provide an explanation for our absence.”

“Nah, it’s all right,” said Luka. 

Marinette smiled, gave him a peck on the cheek, and walked back towards the stage area.

Luka groaned. If Adrien was asking for them to meet him and Kagami at the Nerve Center, there was a very high possibility for superhero action to take place. 

And the night had started off so well, too.

[annalaurendet70]

⭐ Ongoing edit posts ⭐

Diary entries of Tsar Nicholas II of Russia in the anticipation of the birth of his sister's first child

1 July 1895 Saturday

The east wind blows remarkably constantly - for the second week in a row without a break. Between the reports he received Kuropatkin. We had breakfast at the Cottage. I rode my bike and walked with Alix. Drank tea with Mom. I read a lot. Dined at the Farm and had a fun evening together!

📌 Cottage ~ Cottage Palace at Peterhof.Dacha of Empress Alexandra Feodorovna of Russia (wife of Tsar Nicholas l)

📌 Kuropatkin ~ General Alexei N. Kuropatkin, Russian army commander in Manchuria

2 July 1895 Sunday

In the morning, everyone was in anxiety about the famous event with Xenia. But the day has passed and nothing! We were at mass and had breakfast at our place; Mom stayed at the Farm. We walked and visited Ksenia and Sandro. I read until 5 o'clock.

For tea arrived: Mom, Comrade Mikhen and D. Vladimir. They also dined with us: D. Misha, Georgy, Sergei and D. Pavel. The evening was wonderful, we skated.

📌 Farm ~ Farmers Palace at Peterhof

3 July 1895 Monday

The whole day passed in agonizing anticipation about Xenia. Mom spent the night at the Farm and did not close her eyes all night! Walked with her from the Cottage to the Farm. We had breakfast at home with the village of Alexei and Petusha.

Today they started to mow a large meadow, so the scent was wonderful in the rooms. At 4 o'clock we went to see Comrade Sasha. After tea I was studying, when I suddenly learned that dear Xenia had a daughter, Irina! Immediately Alix and I flew to the Farm. Thank God everything ended well! We saw Ksenia and her little daughter. Dined at 8¾ with Misha. Let's go to say goodbye to Mom, who has now calmed down from her worries!

4 July 1895 Tuesday

Ksenia and the little one spent the night and day well. As always, we went to Mom's in the morning. At 12½ there was a prayer service in the church and breakfast in the Cottage. At the hour of the walk, Mom came to us; in our bucket, we tried new inventions of the Americans, with which you can walk in the water. You sit as if in a bathtub with your legs stuck in rubber trousers. This thing swims great, but the movement in it is not very fast.

Comrade Sasha arrived for tea. I read it until lunchtime. At 8 o'clock ate: Mom and George. We spent the evening at home.

5 July 1895 Wednesday

The weather was bad, it rained at times, and a lot of water was blown from the sea. After the reports I went to take in the Bolshoi Dvor. There were also Bulgarians who had come to lay a wreath at the grave of dear Pope. We had breakfast at the Cottage with Comrades Evgeniya and Alex. I read it in the rain. Rode his bike. After tea we stopped at the Farm. The three of us had dinner with Misha. In the evening we rolled.

📌 Evgeniya ~ Princess Eugenia Maximilianovna of Leuchtenberg

📌 Alex ~ Duke Alexander Georgievich of Oldenburg

📌 dear Pope ~ his father,Tsar Alexander III of Russia

6 July 1895 Thursday

Finally the weather settled down and the day was wonderful and not hot. We had breakfast at the Cottage: Petyusha, Militsa and Sergey. I had to read a lot; one consolation that the meetings of the Committee of Ministers are over! He chopped down a large tree broken by the storm. Walked with Alix along the river, "musique de l'eau" . We dined at our place. Threesome with Misha and Sergei frolic in the “outing” in the sea! We rode in the evening.

📌 Music of water (French)

📌 Outing ~ Sunrise (English). In this case, perhaps we are talking about the previously mentioned American invention.

📌 Petyusha ~ Grand Duke Peter Nikolaevich Romanov of Russia

📌 Militsa ~ Grand Duchess Militsa Nikolaevna Romanova of Russia

7 July 1895 Friday

Excellent day. After the reports he received Stelman, the commander of the "Princess". We had breakfast at Mom and Cherevin's. During the day he chopped dry trees and sweated. Again we sat with Alix under the Bridge by a small river. After tea we visited Xenia. Read. Dined with us: Mom, etc. Sasha. In the evening we rode as always.

July 8th. Saturday.

Nice foggy day. In the morning “Princess” came from Petersburg and stood on her barrel. Sandy Dolgoruky had breakfast. The Kyrgyz of the Ural region presented us with a beautiful white horse. I made a good ride with Misha. We drank tea with D. Pavel. Read. Visited Xenia. Dined: D. Vladimir, T. Michen and D. Pavel. Show them “outing”. Ride with Alix.

📌 D.Vladimir ~ Grand Duke Vladimir Alexandrovich Romanov of Russia (Iassume it is his uncle as the next name mentioned in Michen

📌 T. Michen ~ Grand Duchess Maria Pavlovna Romanova of Russia (the Elder)

📌 D. Pavel ~ Grand Duke Pavel Alexandrovich Romanov of Russia (I assume it is he)

9 July 1895 Sunday.

Wonderful heat, in the morning it was 20 °. Having stopped by Xenia, we went to mass. We were dying from the stuffiness. Read. I rode a bicycle and a kayak. After tea it started to rain. We had a family dinner. Ride with Alix.

10 July 1895 Monday.

The heat was tropical all day. Frederiks, Olsufiev, Benckendorff detained me from walking until 10 1/2. After the naval report, I had a conversation with Pobedonostsev. D. Alexey and Yuri.Had breakfast. I walked, rode a bicycle and died from the heat. Andrew the Greek arrived here to live from Pavlovsk. I swam with Misha and Thormeier. After tea I read and went with Alix to Xenia. Dined: Yuri and Stana. We rode in the evening.

📌 Frederiks ~ Baron Vladimir Borisovich Frederiks

📌 Benckendorff ~ Count Paul Benckendorff

11 July 1895 Tuesday.

Olga's birthday. They gave her various white furniture, covered with beautiful chintz.

At 12½ there was a prayer service in the church. Breakfast: D. Misha and Georgy. I read until 3 1st July. Saturday.

The east wind blows remarkably constantly - for the second week in a row without a break. Between the reports he received Kuropatkin. We had breakfast at the Cottage. I rode my bike and walked with Alix. Drank tea with Mom. I read a lot. Dined at the Farm and had a fun evening together!

12 July 1895 Wednesday

It was a good day. After the lecture there was a big reception at the Farm. We had breakfast: comrades Olga, Ella, Minnie, Misha, Pavel and all the small fry. We returned to our place and by 3 o'clock gathered at the Farm. From here they took little Irina in a golden carriage to the church. There was a wonderful honour guard from the Guards Crew. There were about a hundred invited; a tent was set up for them at the right door of the church. During the christening, Irina screamed almost incessantly. Mom and I were her recipients. The heat was unimaginable. Congratulating Xenia, the family chatted for half an hour on the terrace. Returning home, I went to swim in the sea. After tea I read. At 8 o'clock we had a rather large lunch. We rode four of us with Ella and Minnie.

Photo Grand Duchess Xenia Alexandrovna Romanova of Russia with her first born,the Princess Irina Alexandrovna Romanova of Russia

[that-devout-catholic-woman]

I'm torn on this new wave of anti death penalty stuff in the US. There are so many flaws and actually innocent people on death row. But I also have immense sympathy for every innocent life that as taken from these crimes. After Bernard, there is Alfred bourgeois, who sexually molested and beaten a toddler to death by bashing her skull in. Will people protest for his life, and not the life of his victim? Also, it's so dumb to be called a hypocrite for being pro life and pro death penalty. Pro life means to protect the life of an innocent baby, people sitting on death row, they've committed crimes. Some are innocent and must be saved, many are not.

If you’re torn, let me share with you my beliefs on the subject and you can tell me if any of this rings true in your soul as well.

Keeping people on death row, the executions themselves, and the many appeal courts in the process to execute someone is all incredibly expensive for the US government. Guess who pays for all that. The American taxpayer. By supporting the death penalty or at least keeping it around because of apathy, there is blood on our hands—a mix of guilty and innocent blood both. I don’t feel right in that. If even one innocent person is killed in this system, the system is flawed. In much the same way that Jesus shouldn’t have had to die as an innocent man, neither should the innocent people of our country.

Pro-life is not just about abortion, it’s about supporting every person’s right to life from womb to tomb, conception to natural death.

What happened to poor Bernard is an absolute travesty. The world lost a changed and good man, a father to a daughter, a good Christian. He wasn’t even the person to pull the trigger, he was just a kid from a bad part of town who got caught up in something way bigger and badder than himself. He didn’t deserve to die. But here’s the kicker, even if he hadn’t redeemed himself, he still shouldn’t have had to die.

I understand how you feel about Alfred. But I’m still against killing him too. People commit heinous and unthinkable travesties, but that’s not to say that they can’t be redeemed. If that were true, why would Jesus have died on the cross in the first place? The Bible is full of stories where God took some of the worst of humanity and made them holy. Take Paul for instance. Paul wrote much of the New Testament and is regarded as one of the most famous Saints. He used to be a murderer of Christians, he killed tens if not hundreds of Christians in the early Church. And yet God saved him. Cutting someone’s life short sometimes means that God doesn’t have the time or the chance during their lifetime to soften someone’s heart.

I also feel terribly for that poor toddler and their family. How terrible to have to go through such a thing. But again, in God there is paradise and mercy. That toddler is way better off spending forever in God’s loving hands than here. And God’s mercy extends to Alfred if he were to truly repent for his sins.

You can believe that both lives matter, and as Christians this is what we are called to do. “Love your neighbor as yourself” is the second highest command, and this especially includes our perceived enemies. We’re supposed to love them and pray for them and hope for their conversion, too.

There can be justice without death, and this is the greatest lesson that we as a human race need to learn.

[sunflowerhoney]

Can you answer all 100 of the questions? I know it’s a lot but I figured it would be a fun relaxing distraction 🥺🥺💕💕

-🍓

Of course!! thank you so much for asking darling, youre the best 🥺 <3

1. What is you middle name?

Kathleen

2. How old are you?

26

3. When is your birthday?

March 19th

4. What is your zodiac sign?

Pisces

5. What is your favorite color?

Light blue

6. What’s your lucky number?

319

7. Do you have any pets?

2 cats!

8. Where are you from?

USA

9. How tall are you?

5’6”

10. What shoe size are you?

9 or 9.5

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Maybe 7 or 8 I think?

12. What was your last dream about?

Good question 😅 i have weird dreams but I tend to forget them quickly

13. What talents do you have?

Ah I’m not sure that I have many haha, I used to be able to play viola but I haven’t in ages and I write a little bit but not well

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Not that I know of :o

15. Favorite song?

Sunflower by Rex Orange County

16. Favorite movie?

Carol

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Gwendolyn Briggs 😂

18. Do you want children?

I honestly don’t know tbh

19. Do you want a church wedding?

No definitely not lol

20. Are you religious?

Nope

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Not like as a patient but I’ve been to hospitals to visit family members

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

I got a ticket once if that counts lol

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

I met Lea DeLaria (from OITNB) at an event at my college once!

24. Baths or showers?

Showers

25. What color socks are you wearing?

Pink

26. Have you ever been famous?

Nope

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

No, I’m way too shy 😅 I think it would be very stressful

28. What type of music do you like?

Lots of different types tbh: indie, alternative, pop, ska, pop punk, I tend to just listen to any random song I like regardless of the type

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Yes once 🙈 with a friend when I was in college

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

3

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

Usually curled up on my side

32. How big is your house?

I live in a one bedroom apartment so not very big haha

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

I don’t typically eat breakfast, eating early in the day makes me feel gross :(

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

No

‘

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes!! At summer camp when I was a kid, it was actually so fun! :o

36. Favorite clean word?

Purring (because cats!)

37. Favorite swear word?

Fuck! Lol

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

A little less than 24 hours

39. Do you have any scars?

Yes

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

You before you came off anon? 👀 hehe

41. Are you a good liar?

Depends on the situation, I tend to get too nervous haha

42. Are you a good judge of character?

More so than I used to be I think

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Not really, at least not well at least lol

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I don’t think so! I say some words with an accent though

45. What is your favorite accent?

I’m not sure if I have a favorite :o

46. What is your personality type?

INFJ

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I honestly have no idea tbh

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Only a little tiny bit haha

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Innie

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed (except for when I play softball, I bat left handed)

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Not if they’re small, big spiders freak me out though

52. Favorite food?

Onion Rings

53. Favorite foreign food?

Sushi

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Somewhere in the middle

55. Most used phrased?

I’m not sure :o (maybe thats my most used phrase lol)

56. Most used word?

Probably “hi” or something like that 😅

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

Depends where I’m going, usually like 30-40 minutes

58. Do you have much of an ego?

No I don’t think so, I’m wildly insecure

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Uhm both I think? Like I bite them but not until they’re really small haha

60. Do you talk to yourself?

Yes lol

61. Do you sing to yourself?

Yes, especially in the car

62. Are you a good singer?

Not really 😅

63. Biggest Fear?

This is probably weird but I have emetophobia so throwing up lol

64. Are you a gossip?

Honestly a bit lmao but not in a malicious way I’m just really nosy

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Carol? If that counts haha

66. Do you like long or short hair?

On myself, long hair (I hate the way my hair looks short lol)

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Yes lol only because I learned a song about it as a kid and never forgot it 😂

68. Favorite school subject?

English

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

I have not

71. What makes you nervous?

Driving on really big highways/in bad traffic, interviews, feeling like I’m trapped, being in the middle of a row of seats (like in a movie theater)

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Only if I’m somewhere unfamiliar

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Not usually unless its going to benefit them to be corrected, I wouldn’t just correct someone to embarrass them or anything like that

74. Are you ticklish?

Yeah a bit

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Not that I can think of

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Kind of at work?

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Yes

78. Have you ever done drugs?

If weed counts as a drug then yes, if not then no lol

79. Who was your first real crush?

Some random person I went to school with lol

80. How many piercings do you have?

Just one on each ear

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

A little bit

82. How fast can you type?

Actually pretty fast!

83. How fast can you run?

A lot slower than I can type 😂

84. What color is your hair?

Brown

85. What color is your eyes?

Brown

86. What are you allergic to?

Nothing really I don’t think, I was allergic to pollen when I was a kid but I haven’t had any allergy symptoms in years so I guess I’m not anymore?? Lol

87. Do you keep a journal?

I don’t but I keep meaning to start

88. What do your parents do?

My mom works for a non profit, my stepdad works in a grocery store

89. Do you like your age?

Mostly, I’m happy to have the independence that I didn’t have when I was younger but sometimes I’m like ah adult life scary

90. What makes you angry?

Rude people, close minded people, getting taken advantage of, people who are mean to people I care about

91. Do you like your own name?

Not really, I wish I had a less common name

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Nope, I can’t even decide if I want kids or not lol

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

I don’t really have a preference

94. What are you strengths?

I’m a good listener, I try to be understanding, I’m usually pretty organized

95. What are your weaknesses?

Procrastinating, second guessing myself, being majorly insecure

96. How did you get your name?

It was the only girl name my Mom and Dad could agree on 😂

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not that I’m aware of haha

98. Do you have any scars?

Yes

99. Color of your bedspread?

Dark red

100. Color of your room?

White

[impalementation]

"Are you probably noticing a theme here?" "As in 'Vampires! Yay!'?" "That's the one" -Xander & Willow, 2.07 Lie To Me

“Yeah, it was so romantic, so evocative.” -Jenny, 2.08 The Dark Age

“For the old one. For his pain. For the dark.” -Absalom, 2.01 When She Was Bad

“Ours is a forbidden love.” -Willow, 2.07 Lie To Me

buffy season two imagery: the gothic

[commentary below the cut]

* 

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert on any of the following. Just a person with some knowledge and enthusiasm and ability to look things up on the internet. 

* 

Before I get into why it’s interesting that season two of Buffy has a gothic aesthetic, I first need to describe what “the gothic” even means. The original definition of “gothic” refers to a style of medieval French art and architecture that spread to the rest of Europe over the course of the middle ages. It was characterized by things like stained glass windows, flying buttresses, airy vaults, ornate decoration, and gargoyles and grotesques. The Notre-Dame cathedral in Paris is one of the more famous examples of this sort of Gothic architecture. While the medieval version of the gothic aesthetic does not dominate season two of Buffy, elements of it are present nonetheless. The Du Lac cross in What’s My Line is ornately filigreed in a distinctly Gothic manner. The sculptures in Drusilla’s church in Becoming, Part 1 also appear Gothic, and Acathla looks basically like a giant stone gargoyle. The church in What’s My Line, Part 2 is full of Gothic markers like stained-glass windows and decorated stone arches. The angled shot of Angel, Spike, and Drusilla standing before the entombed Acathla emphasizes the airy vault of Angel’s mansion, and gives the space the mood of a modern, albeit perverted, Gothic church.

[From top to bottom: (1) statues from Reims Cathedral, (2) exterior windows from Strasbourg Cathedral, (3) a shot of Quasimodo with a gargoyle from the 1939 Hunchback of Notre-Dame, (4) a french gothic revival cross, (5) the altar of St. Marien Zu Wurzen. Note in the last row that Acathla is standing where a crucifix would normally go.]

* 

However, the reason that this Gothic style still exists in the popular consciousness is because of a revival of interest in it in the 18th and 19th centuries. This revival led to a lot of pseudo-medieval architecture, but more importantly for Buffy it also resulted in what’s known as Gothic literature. Some of the most famous novels in Western literature are considered Gothic, including Frankenstein, A Christmas Carol, Wuthering Heights, The Hunchback of Notre-Dame and--wait for it--Dracula. Gothic fiction was characterized by supernatural plots, medieval aesthetics, and an interest in creating heightened emotions. The heightened emotion might be terror or dread, but it also might be romance, or the nebulous extra-real sensation of awe called “the sublime”. More often, all of the above. Gothic fiction was moody and fantastical and wanted to make its audience feel big, unusual things. It derived both from Romantic fiction as well as morbid trends in Western art and culture prior to the mid-18th century. It tended to be preoccupied with death and taboo subject matter like sex and desire. Dracula is almost perfectly Gothic: it’s a supernatural horror story that uses its supernatural conceit to explore Victorian sexual anxieties; it’s full of death; its villain is likely old enough to have lived in the middle ages and resides in an old (again, implicitly medieval) stone castle; it features madness, imprisonment, tyranny, sexual temptation and women in distress; it deals with conflict between the present and the past, the mystical and rational, and the virtuous and corrupt; it takes place in part in the “mysterious” and “foreign” Transylvania, and is rife with the atmospheric horror tropes of its day--howling wolves, strange noises, nocturnal hours.

By virtue of being a supernatural vampire show, Buffy was already suffused with the gothic. But season two is unusual, relative to the rest of the show, for how constantly it evokes classic Gothic literature. The use of medieval Gothic images that I already discussed for instance, in itself is a hallmark of Gothic literature. The shadowy color palette and dramatic emotionality are also highly Gothic. On a superficial historical level, Becoming, Part 1 shows Angel turned during the mid-1700′s, which was the exact period in which Gothic literature was invented. Drusilla is then turned in 1860, smack in the middle of the Victorian period of Gothic literature. In fact, so much famous Gothic literature is from the Victorian period, and so many adaptations of Gothic literature to other media have been set in the Victorian era, that in the present day, Victorian aesthetics tend to be treated as “gothic” as much as the original medieval Gothic aesthetic is. Consider the prevalence of corsets and lace in goth fashion, or gothic pastiche movies like Crimson Peak (2015) that are set in the 19th century. Which means that Drusilla’s basic presence--her white gowns, her lace, her dolls, her candles, her old-fashioned bird-cage--comes off as a reference to that whole era of literature, and subsequent adaptations to film and TV. 

[From top to bottom: (1) an illustration of Rochester by Fritz Eichenberg for a 1947 edition of Jane Eyre (1847), (2) an illustration for The Monk (1796), a Gothic novel about male temptation, (3) a still from the movie House of Usher (1960), based on the Edgar Allen Poe story “The Fall of the House of Usher” (1839), (4) an illustration for the Gothic lesbian vampire novel Carmilla (1872), (5) a promotional still for Dracula (1931)]

That said, season two’s connection to Gothic literature goes far beyond such superficial references. It’s also full of typical Gothic themes and tropes. Angel, for instance, strongly resembles the Byronic hero, thanks to his brooding expressions, troubled past, and long black coats. The Byronic character type first appeared in a Gothic context as a villain in Ann Radcliffe’s novels, but is probably more well known to contemporary readers through characters like Wuthering Heights’ Heathcliff and Jane Eyre’s Edward Rochester. The Byronic hero tended to be caught between heroism and villainy, pessimism and passion, and sensualism and cruelty. Angel ends up embodying this conflict in a stark and literal manner due to his split personalities when souled and unsouled. Over the course of the season, Angel appears to quite literally be both a hero and a villain. If Angel is (seemingly) the best parts of the Byronic hero, then Angelus is the worst. Angel is cultured and sensitive and attractively tormented by his past, while Angelus takes the idea of “passion” and twists it into something sadistic and malign. You might even say that Angel exists to give lie to the romance of Byronic characters. Byronic love interests are the original “bad boy” boyfriends--passionate, mysterious and intriguingly contradictory men that bring the women who love them a great deal of grief. But while Jane ends up with Rochester despite the secret wife he’d kept locked in his attic, or Catherine makes herself ill to the point of death over Heathcliff, Buffy...kills Angel. She kills the romantic ideal that concealed a murderous demon beneath. She kills the man to whom she once rather Gothically declared “When you kiss me, I want to die,” instead of actually dying over him.

Similarly, Drusilla clearly belongs to the Gothic tradition of mad and sickly women, which is visually emphasized by her dark hair and white nightgowns. Like Bertha Mason in Jane Eyre, she is someone that Angel has a "shameful” connection to, and who he is forced to tell Buffy about when she becomes a threat. Like Madeline in “The Fall of the House of Usher”, she suffers from illness in addition to madness, and has returned “home” to recover (“Home, sweet home” Spike calls the Hellmouth). Like the narrator of “The Yellow Wallpaper”, she sees things that aren’t there, but that reflect a kind of truth. I don’t know whether I’d say that Drusilla is an especially subversive rendition of the type (“The Yellow Wallpaper” already was that rendition), I’d need to think about it more. But she does stand out in a few interesting ways. First, I think it’s interesting that she is explicitly Angel’s victim. While Bertha Mason’s onset of madness just so happens to coincide with her marriage to Rochester, Buffy makes it clear that Drusilla’s condition is absolutely Angel’s fault. Unlike Lucy in Dracula, who is similarly made mad by Dracula, Drusilla isn’t implied to have courted sexual attention that the narrative is punishing her for. Drusilla also gets better, only her version of “better” isn’t losing her vampirism like Mina Harker, it’s regaining her vampiric strength. She ends up carrying and caring for Spike (also, ignoring him) instead of the other way around. The fact that Drusilla is both clearly a villain and clearly a victim makes her an unusual figure relative to Gothic depictions of wasting women and female vampires.

It’s also notable that so much of season two revolves around sexual anxiety, just as so many Gothic stories do. Angel’s lascivious turning is reminiscent of Gothic stories of male temptation like The Monk (though it plays with that genre by having Liam already be a rake who thinks he’s seducing Darla). The season leading up to Innocence creates a mood of dread around sex, whether that’s the predatory frat boys in Reptile Boy, the sexualized dark magic in The Dark Age, Bad Eggs, or Angel’s many warnings about himself. And of course, there is the fact that sex ends up releasing Angel from his curse. On the surface, sex leading directly to disaster is easy to read as puritanically conservative in a way that does not subvert Victorian stories at all. But the execution of that story differs in some interesting and very significant ways. First is the emphasis on danger instead of virtue. The dread associated with sex in season two does not have to do with the fear that Buffy will be corrupted in some way; it has to do with the fear that something bad will happen. That some harm will befall her or someone she cares about. The frat boys in Reptile Boy want to kill her, and Drusilla in Buffy’s Surprise dream wants to kill Angel. In The Dark Age, Eyghon starts attacking the people that Giles loves. Compare to Dracula, where the threat is that Lucy and Mina will become vampires--ie, that they will be physically changed into something profane. (You could probably argue that if anyone has a female Gothic relationship to sex in season two, it’s actually Angel). Secondly, Buffy is very different from standard Gothic literature in that Buffy is even allowed to have sex, and remain the hero afterwards. She is the focus and the agent of her story. She can fight her own battles. Passion is a fascinating episode to me, because it feels like Gothic tropes malevolently trying to make Buffy participate in them. You have Angelus at his most Byronic, waxing on about passion, and lurking in Buffy’s bedroom like a corrupting vampire in a Victorian novel. But Buffy is ultimately able to reject those tropes. She is able to force Angel back out of her house, and she ends up saving her professorial Van Helsing figure from his passions instead of the other way around. So while season two absolutely treats sex as a source of fear, and uses the visual language of Gothic literature to emphasize that fear, it pointedly differs from such literature in its attempt to put Buffy at the center of the story. Instead of making her a fainting figure of tragedy in need of saving.

I could go on about other literarily Gothic elements of the season--its eerie dreams, its transformation motifs, it’s imagery of death and rebirth, its fairly unfortunate use of “gypsy” mysticism, etc--and how it uses them, and whether it tries to subvert them. Still, if there’s one thing that makes season two Gothic, it’s the emphasis on emotion. That heightened, Romantic quality. Season one has some visually gothic elements like the Master’s sunken church, and the rampant chiaroscuro. It has elements of terror. But it lacks the sweeping sense of loss and madness and longing and betrayal and desire that season two is so full of. It’s the specific combination of darkness and grandiosity that distinguishes Gothic stories from related genres like horror or romance. And that distinguishes season two from other seasons. It’s a mood that’s always struck me as fitting because of how well the Romantic sense of melodrama matches the teenage experience. One tends to feel a lot as a teenager, especially when it comes to romance. Like you’re part of a Gothic novel, and you and the person you’re dating are Heathcliff and Catherine and your souls are the same. So season two takes that feeling, indulges in it, pays homage to it, and then tries to find a more contemporary attitude towards it.

* 

Speaking of contemporary attitudes. The season also pulls from more modern notions of “gothic.” In School Hard, Spike namechecks Anne Rice, who operates within the southern gothic idiom. Spike’s look, the candle-lit Factory, the Sunset Club, and the New York City scenes in Becoming derive from more urban gothic aesthetics. Visuals more common to Batman and Daredevil comics, or film noir, or Dickens’ dirty London slums. (Spike may be a punk, but goth music and fashion emerged directly from punk, and intentionally or not, his season two look reflects a particularly gothic interpretation of the aesthetic. He has a blood-red shirt, a romantically long black coat, and Drusilla--in all her Victorian glory--is his paramour. Contrast with his more standard anarchic punk look in Fool For Love.). Characters often wear dramatic makeup that emphasize dark lips and pale skin, like Willow in her sexy Halloween getup or the various vampires. In Lie to Me, the vampire wannabes dress up in present-day goth-lite looks. That episode also references the long history of vampire movies and other adaptations of Gothic stories. You’ll notice that I’ve included screenshots from a few movies, and that’s not an accident. Artists have been re-using and re-interpreting Gothic literature and its aesthetics since it was invented, and Buffy is perfectly aware that it’s a product of that tradition.

[From top to bottom: (1) an urban cityscape from Frank Miller’s Daredevil comic Elektra Lives Again (1990), (2) the sewer chase scene from The Third Man (1949), (3) Nancy Downs from The Craft (1996)]

Fittingly, that dialogue between past and present is itself very gothic. In gothic stories of all eras, ancient figures like ghosts and vampires often come to wreak havoc on the present. Ancient curses and hidden pasts come to light. In Frankenstein or in crumbling cities like Gotham, the darkness overlaid on modern technologies and settings questions whether those modern things are so divorced from the death and suffering of the past. Buffy, similarly, is very preoccupied with its genre past and how a modern take on it should look. In season one that preoccupation manifested in the lurking threat of the grotesquely aged Master, the interactions between young and old characters, and the constant use of traditional horror tropes. But where old things are a source of horror in season one, in season two they’re a source of temptation. To be fair, Willow and Xander are tempted by Malcolm and Ms. French in season one, but the presentation of those temptations isn’t at all validated by the text. Whereas in season two, the presentation wants you to be as caught up in the romance of Buffy and Angel as the characters themselves are. It wants you to hear Angel remind Buffy that he’s 240 years old, and still want them to kiss. It wants you to be in love with the Gothic, to be transported by the melodrama and the delicious, shadowy moods, and then to also be made uncomfortable by it. 

Season two is, to me, a story about the tragedy of growing up and letting go of compellingly romantic notions. In season one, it’s a triumph and relief for Buffy to destroy an ugly, ancient vampire. While in season two, it’s devastating for Buffy to destroy the beautiful, but still ancient, vampire that she loves. She finishes the season in the sunlight, having escaped the Gothic, much as she finishes seasons six and seven in the sunlight, having escaped depression and the trials of young adulthood (a Sarah McLachlan song about letting go of darkness even plays over both the season two and season six final scenes). But in season two that sunlight is, again, tragic instead of triumphant. Because growing up isn’t just about escaping horrors. It’s also about the pain of seeing horror in things you once found beautiful, and of having to leave certain things behind.

[lesbiansandgayssupporttheminers]

how do you know what class you're in?

Your social class in the UK?

I think it’s really hard to define, and I honestly think most people in the UK “just know”- although I also sort of know that’s a stupid thing to say.

There are economic factors and there are cultural factors, and it’s also down to your family history. And there are classes within classes too- you can be upper middle class, or upper working class, for example.

The following is semi-serious, semi tongue in cheek, and I’d love my followers to chip in too!

Working class: Your family have traditionally worked in non-professional jobs. These might be skilled trades, service/hospitality jobs, “unskilled” jobs or casual work. These days, they might be self employed, but they would be unlikely to employ someone else. There are varying degrees of financial comfort, and these days, your family may own their own home but you’re not “wealthy”. It’s unlikely your family have assets or investments beyond one property and cars (if they are doing well). If you’re younger than about 35, you or your siblings might have gone to university, but no-one in your parents’ generation has. Your parents probably have a degree of debt beyond a mortgage (if they have one). You probably spent time in childcare when you were young because your parents had to work.

You probably speak with a regional accent and use dialect words. You also use words like serviette, desert, pardon etc. Someone in your family is really into football and supports a team that isn’t in the premiership- if they are into rugby then it’s rugby league unless you’re from Wales or Cornwall. Your female relatives are probably quite house-proud and take a lot of care over their appearances. You probably have a hobby, but it’s probably not one that requires a lot of expensive equipment.

Family and community are important to you- it’s likely you haven’t moved that far from where you grew up (unless you were really desperate for work). It’s possible the area where you grew up is pretty deprived, although it may be increasingly a victim of gentrification, depending on where you are from. Your family home may have been a council house or rented, and it’s very likely that your housing didn’t always feel secure.

If you celebrate Christmas, this was probably really important to your family and your parents might have gone a bit overboard with this, even (especially) if they couldn’t afford it.

At some point in your life, you’ve used the word “scab” as an insult- even if you didn’t know what it meant.

Middle Class: Your family have traditionally worked in more professional jobs. These may not require a degree (especially historically), but we are talking things like accountant, lawyer, doctor, teacher, civil servant etc. They earned a salary rather than being paid by the hour. Some degree of their assets were probably inherited, and they may have some investments e.g. shares or a buy to let property, but this isn’t the whole of their income (unless they are retired and have a decent pension too). Your parents owned their own home, and are/will be mortgage free by the time they retire. You probably had regular foreign holidays growing up. Your parents are likely to save up for big ticket items, rather than get into debt. You’re not the first generation in your family where people went to university. It’s very likely you had a stay at home parent for part of your childhood.

If you speak with a regional accent, it’s probably pretty soft, and it’s likely you don’t use a lot of regional dialect words. You call your midday meal lunch, and your evening meal dinner. If you go to the pub to watch a sports match, it’s more likely to be the six nations than a football game. But it’s equally likely you aren’t into sport at all. Your parents probably made you get swimming and music lessons growing up, and you may well have a hobby- possibly one that requires a bit of financial investment on your part. You like to think you have a sense of style, but you don’t like to look like you are “trying too hard”.

Your family probably don’t all live in the same place, and you may only see them relatively rarely. It’s likely your parents have friends from uni or NCT classes who to some extent take the place of family in your life. You may not have a strong sense of community and it’s very possible that if your parents live rurally, you might have moved to the city for work. You’re probably not very religious.

At some point in your life, you have sneered at someone for being a “chav”. It’s likely you’re quite insecure and there’s lots of things you don’t think of as “classy” and try to avoid.

Upper-middle Class: Your parents are pretty wealthy and almost definitely went to university. You went to a well known university. They likely went to private school and you probably did too (although not a super famous one). If you didn’t go to private school, you went to a grammar school, church school or the most sought after “comp” in the county (your parents probably moved house to get you in). Someone in your extended family or friendship circle owns a second home, or at least a really nice house in the country. You/your parents almost definitely have inherited wealth and assets, as well. You/your parents may just work in a well paid job, but they may also own a medium to large size company. You probably had multiple holidays abroad each year (and it’s very likely you went skiing). If one of your parents’ cars broke down, it would have been very easy for them to replace it, without needing to save up or get into debt, but you don’t have any fear of debt, either. It’s very likely you can get a job through “connections”. It’s likely they employed a cleaner and possibly a gardener, and maybe au-pair or nanny as well.

You speak with an RP accent, and you might have “pudding” after your “supper”. It’s very likely you play a team sport of some kind, probably rugby, cricket, hockey or maybe lacrosse. You might row, or ride horses, or sail. You’ve always been able to do whatever expensive hobby you like, and money has never been a barrier to progressing. You may well shop in charity shops, and brag about the bargains you find there. You may drive an “old” car, but it’s probably a 4x4, genuinely vintage, or quirky in some other way. You have inherited jewellery and possibly some home furnishings. If you’re talented in some way, (sport or artistic) you were probably given every opportunity to persue this.

Networking is important to you and you feel part of a community. You’re probably quite socially confident. It’s likely you know some of the people you work with socially as well. You probably expect to live a reasonably traditional lifestyle, and you’re less likely to be part of a “sub-culture” (unless you’re making a career as an actor or a musician). You probably observe religious festivals, but you don’t go regularly to a place of worship.

On some level, you probably think “poor” people bring it on themselves through poor decision making.

Upper Class: Historically, your family were rich enough not to have to work for a living, and someone in your extended family owns a very large amount of land. You’re related to someone with a title. You went to a well known private school and you may have boarded. It’s likely your family own multiple properties- some are rented out and some you live in. Some or all of these were inherited, rather than bought. You may have a “private income” of some kind. Your family may have had to “diversify” in recent years, and you may actually be working more than your ancestors did. You might have gone to a well known university, or you might have gone to somewhere like RAU. Your family own multiple cars, and one of them is probably a 4x4. It’s likely your family employed “staff”. At some point since the second world war, your family may well have had to sell off property etc- but your money worries are “how do we avoid selling off land” not “how do we afford to replace the washing machine”.

You talk like you are from the 1940s, and everyone you know has a stupid sounding nickname. You use your own form of impenetrable slang- probably specific to whatever school you went to. You’ve probably been hunting and you know someone who plays polo. You go to events like Royal Ascot, Henley Regatta, the Boat Race and Goodwood etc. You ski. You’ve been on multiple long haul holidays, and you probably went on a “Gap Yah”.

Everyone you know knows everyone else you know and you’re suspicious of people who you don’t have acquaintances in common with. You’ll get married, in a church (you are CofE and white) and having children is fairly important to you. You’re probably involved with some kind of charity work.

You pride yourself on not being a snob, because you got on well with the people you met in Africa, but you’ve never actually spoken to someone who grew up in a council house.