#i want eddie to confess to Buck in the worst way possible buck has to spend the next few days couch surfing bc he doesn't know what to do

[mattzerella-sticks]

No but imagine Buck-and-Eddie as roommates AND Buck still dating Tommy by end of s7/beginning of s8.

[cannedbeefaroni]

I just wanted to say you have the most correct and true and real and based brain ever.

also ..

what if we were one of eddie’s coworkers “helping him out” under his cubical desk? he’d be so embarrassed… or would he want them to see?

thank u!

(also nsfw under the cut. gender neutral reader. handjob under the table and stuff.)

also i think being edward's coworker would be interesting, considering no one else would want to be around him. seemingly, he doesn't want to talk to anyone, and when he has to, he has a stick up his ass about it. he's presumes the worst in everyone, effectively isolating himself before he has the chance to be ostracized by others. most people find him creepy. the quiet, short tempered type are always a case waiting to happen to those people.

all that is to say getting close to him would be difficult. he'd be rude and dismissive meeting you for the first time, being not much for conversation. he's shocked when the next day, you still try talking to him, offering kindness once again. after the first few days, he thinks you're just wasting your time, but after weeks of you trying to get along with him, he feels sick with anxiety. he doesn't understand what you want, and it's impossible for him to let himself think you actually like him. he looks forward to seeing you everyday, and on the rare occasion you don't show up to work, he feels lost and alone. only from simple acts of friendship, he's become obsessed with you.

since you and edward had become close, even more rumors spread. especially one that said you were too nice and felt bad for edward, like he was some sick pathetic animal. many people judged the way he'd act around you. he stares at you from across the office when you aren't looking. when he wants to talk to you, he'll stand behind you silently for longer than necessary, until either you notice him or he builds up the courage to say something. sometimes he'll even follow you around, but you don't mind it.

eventually one day you'd have issues with your pc and ask eddie for help. he sits at your desk as he works on it, and you'd stand behind him, over his shoulder watching. it's the perfect excuse to be physically closer to him, and he's extremely nervous as you lean over his shoulder. you pull up a chair and sit up close to him, barely paying attention as he explains what the problem is and how he's trying to fix it.

you already knew he often gets nervous around you, but now that you're up close, you can see the extent of that. he's pitching a tent, if you know what i mean. although his face is deadpan, he's trying to come across as innocuous as possible, hoping you don't notice whats in plain sight under the desk. he gasps when your hand slowly moves to his thigh, caressing the fabric of his pants. several agonizing minutes pass of edward trying to focus on his task as your hand moves agonizingly up and down his thigh, threatening to inch closer to the heat between his legs.

you're getting him too pent up, and he grabs your wrist. you fully expect him to push you away, but he brings your palm directly to his bulge. at first, he's silent, then he exhales heavily through his nose as you feel him up, shocked at how huge and rock hard his cock is. you grab his bulge and stroke it over his pants slowly. you look around, making sure no one can see, but edward is only focused on your touch. his hips buck slightly into your palm, begging you to go faster. he's trying so hard not to make a sound, but his breaths are heavy and shallow. you look him in the eyes, and for what feels like the first time, he looks back at you.

do you wanna go out sometime? you ask, still leaned over him, letting him hump your hand.

what? he stutters a whisper, taken aback.

i wanna go out with you, eddie, you clarify in a soft voice.

really? he gasps, a sudden rush of energy coursing through his body.

yeah, i like you a lot, you confess to him, and he suddenly gasps sharply, his legs going tense and shaking. he's panting as you feel a wet spot forming on his pants. he quickly gets up and leaves the office heading for the bathroom before you get the chance to apologize. you had no idea that asking him out would make him cum instantly.

[bidisasterevankinard]

I think when people talk about Eddie confessed his love and Buck not understanding it during will reveal scene miss the moment Buck confessed his too(and Eddie missed it too). Buck was not letting Eddie talk about his death, about the possibility that Buck might lose him, about possibility he might not survive, till the moment Eddie started to talk about Chris. Before Eddie made this conversation about Chris, Buck though it's about them, it's about Buck losing best person he knows, the person he can't lose and he was so close TWO times and both time feeling like he can't do anything to protect his person. And he can't even talk about this possibility and he begs Eddie to stop, stop making him think about worst thing possible. And then Eddie makes this about Chris and Buck struck with change of conversation for him. He needs some time to collect his thoughts and he needs a time to rethink that they are talking about and how to react that if the worst thing possible happen he has Eddie's trust to take care about Chris. And then he tries to understand why Eddie bring this info now, why he talks about will and Chris now and he gets answer he thinks he should take as only "you're my best friend. I don't want you die and I trust you with taking care of Chris" cause Eddie made him think this conversation about Chris. When Eddie made the conversation about Chris, Buck closed his hope it's about them and concetrated only on Chris, leaving his real feelings not said and heard as Eddie did too. But he also used Chris as the way to declare his love cause when he says "you knew i wouldn't" Buck put his heart in saying "I love you" in the way he thinks he only gets a chance to. Through taking care of Chris

They both used Chris as shield to declare their love during will reveal scene and both think the other one was thinking only about Chris

[captain-hen]

there ain’t nothing common about us

a/n: some much needed comfort after all the hurt the fandom has put itself through this past week :)

aO3

title courtesy of @malikjavaddzayn, thank goodness she isn't as indecisive as i am!

tagging some people who may be interested: @evaneddie @diazalex @buttercupbuck @diazseddie @firefighter-diaz (please let me know if you'd like to be added/removed from my tag list!)

When Eddie wakes, it is violently and with a tortured gasp as he abruptly sits up in bed, the sheets tangled around him. He covers his face with his left hand for a moment, breathing heavily, fighting back the sobs that threaten to spring free, his body shaking like a leaf.

It isn’t the first time he’s woken up like since he was discharged from the hospital with a sling around his right shoulder and an acute sense of fear and paranoia that followed him even into the safety of his own home. It has been almost a month, but the nightmares wake Eddie almost every night, varying in degrees of severity. The first two weeks were the worst, reaching the peak when he screamed in his sleep loud enough to wake Christopher, leaving the boy shaken and terrified.

Eddie put Chris into therapy the next day, and started working on waking himself up before the nightmares could get out of hand. The last thing he wants to do his traumatize his son even more than he already is, Chris has been through far too much at such a young age.

The dreams seem to blend together most of the time, memories of Afghanistan and the shooting, making the lines between the two blurry and unrecognizable. Sometimes, he’ll see the bodies of his fellow soldiers scattered around him on a sunny street in LA. And other times, he’s in the inky-black darkness of the desert, reaching out for Buck, who seems impossibly far away, covered with sand and blood.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Eddie reaches for his phone, wincing as the movement jostles his right shoulder. It’s 2 AM. Wonderful.

He tiptoes down the hallway to Chris’ room, cracking the door open just enough to see the shape of his son under the covers, sleeping peacefully. The sight makes something settle in his chest, the something that has been left askew after every single nightmare. He is here. He is safe. Christopher is safe. He didn’t leave him (again). They’ll be alright, eventually.

How pathetic is it that even after a month, he still needs to remind himself of it almost daily?

Eddie returns to his room and sits back down on his bed, leaning against the headboard as he feels a wave of bone-deep exhaustion wash over him. Between the PT and Chris’ therapy and occasional nightmares and his own nightmares, Eddie needs all the rest he can get. But he never can go back to sleep after waking up from an episode and. Well.

Maybe he should start going back to therapy, too. Eddie knows he’ll have to, eventually, to be cleared for duty. But before that, he still needs to get himself together. For Chris’ sake, if nothing else. He just—he can’t stand the thought of talking to some stranger about what happened, though. The only person he has been able to talk to so far is Buck.

Buck. He’s been a rock throughout this whole process, the entirety of the 118 has, really. Buck, though? He’s just been around, somehow more entwined in their lives than before, cooking meals, helping out Eddie with chores around the house, watching Chris when Eddie needs his rest. And coming from anyone else, it would make Eddie bristle, would make him protest that he doesn’t need all this extra help, to be treated like an invalid, but it never feels like that with Buck. Never has. He’s just…there, sometimes spending more time in Eddie’s house than his own apartment, putting up with Eddie’s occasional bursts of temper on harder days. He doesn’t allow Eddie to push him away, and Eddie thinks there’s nothing more he is grateful for, really.

Eddie is dialing Buck’s number before he can stop himself. While the two of them have talked about the incident, briefly, Eddie has never told him about the nightmares. He knows Buck blames himself, still, because he has a guilt complex possibly larger than Eddie’s own and Eddie…Eddie doesn’t want to be a burden. He should be able to deal with this himself. He did deal with it alone, after returning from Afghanistan. Why is this time so different?

Buck answers on the third ring. “Hey,” He doesn’t sound surprised or panicked at receiving a late-night call from Eddie. He doesn’t even sound like he’s been startled out of sleep, but Eddie feels the need to apologize anyway.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” He says, guilt feeling like lead in his stomach.

“It’s alright, I wasn’t asleep,” Buck says and before Eddie can wonder why, he’s asking, “Is everything alright?”

Eddie opens his mouth to answer and nothing comes out. He feels frustrated tears prick at his eyes and he exhales deeply, trying to hold them in.

“Eddie?” Buck sounds more concerned now, and Eddie can hear a rustling noise, like he’s sitting up.

“Sorry, yeah,” Eddie manages to get out, wondering if his voice sounds as wrecked to Buck as it does to him. “I, um—” Might as well just rip the bandage off and get it over with. “Nightmares.” He says, finally.

“I’m sorry,” Buck says, his voice taking on a softer, consoling lilt. He doesn’t sound surprised. Eddie doesn’t know why he expected him to be.

“It’s just—” Eddie breathes out harshly, gripping the phone harder. “I just can’t fucking sleep. It’s almost every night, I just keep reliving that day over and over and it never stops and I should be over it by now, right? And I should be able to hold it together, for Chris, he deserves so much better, but—God. It’s too much.”

“Have you considered going back to see Frank?” Buck asks, carefully. Eddie sighs.

“I did. I mean, it’s the right thing to do, isn’t it? I need to get better, and Chris—”

“But this isn’t about Chris, Eddie,” Buck interrupts, almost sharply. “You should want to get better for yourself, too. I mean, you were shot. In broad daylight, with zero warning—” he cuts himself off for a moment and Eddie can hear him exhale roughly over the line. “No one expects you to just bounce back. Trauma doesn’t exactly have a time limit, you know. You need to do what’s best for you.”

And Eddie can suddenly remember Carla’s words in that moment—Make sure you’re following your heart instead of Christopher’s—and wants to laugh hysterically at the irony of it. He knew then that Carla had a point—it’s why he broke up with Ana—and he knows that Buck has a point, too. But it isn’t as easy as it sounds.

“I’m not sure I know how.” He confesses.

“I know,” Buck says, softly, and sighs. “You always put Chris first, Eddie, that’s who you are, and that’s why I—”

Eddie holds his breath for a second. He isn’t sure what he’s expecting.

“Anyway,” Buck says, after too long a pause and Eddie deflates slightly. “You’re important too, Eddie. I wish you could see that. I wish you could—you could see yourself the way I see you.”

And how do you see me? Eddie wants to ask, but doesn’t dare. Things have changed since the shooting—there’s no way they couldn’t—and he feels like he and Buck have been hovering on the edge of a precipice, something electric and alien sparking between them. There isn’t a word for it, and neither of them have done anything about it. They’re really not in any state to do so. But lord, is Eddie tempted, sometimes.

“Why were you awake, anyway?” Eddie asks, wanting to break the thick tension that has suddenly formed. Buck sighs, like he was afraid he would ask.

“Nightmares,” He says, clearly trying to sound casual, but a waver in his voice gives him away.

Eddie’s chest clenches. “I’m sorry.”

Buck lets out a wet-sounding chuckles and Eddie hates the idea of it, him having nightmares all alone in that apartment. “Only you would apologize for getting shot, Eddie.”

“Come over,” Eddie says, before he can stop himself. “I know it’s late, but—I don’t think either of us should be alone right now.”

There’s a lengthy pause and Eddie almost wants to take it back but Buck, mercifully, speaks. “Are you sure you want me there?”

“Yes.” Is what Eddie says. I always want you here, is what he doesn’t dare to say.

Buck pauses again. Then—

“I’m on my way.”

Eddie turns off his phone and waits in the darkness for Buck to arrive. The moment he hears the key turn in the lock, he exhales a relieved breath and manages to smile when Buck appears in the doorway of the bedroom, hovering hesitantly, as though he expects that now he’s here, Eddie will change his mind and kick him out.

Eddie tries to sound exasperated, but it comes out sounding fond. “Buck, I really hope you didn’t come all the way here in the middle of the night just to crash on the couch.”

That makes him laugh and eases some of the tension from his shoulders. Kicking off his shoes, Buck moves over to the other side of the bed and lays down over the covers on his side, facing Eddie.

It should be uncomfortable, this level of intense intimacy that hasn’t been present in their relationship before. But right now, Eddie feels the most comfortable and relaxed he has in a while and he can only hope that Buck feels the same way, too. He reaches out, a little tentatively, to take Buck’s hand in his.

The other man stiffens slightly and he looks at Eddie with something like wonder in his eyes.

“Don’t make this weird, Buck,” Eddie murmurs, hoping to break some of the tension. It works, and Buck lets out a startled chuckle.

“God, you’re such an asshole.” But he complies, slotting his fingers through Eddie’s and squeezing tight. Eddie can remember him doing it in the firetruck on the way to the hospital and he swallows. He’s glad he has a better memory to replace that with.

Eddie closes his eyes, feeling a hazy, soft, sort of comfort settle into his bones, with Buck’s touch and just him, there, so close by. He can’t help but wonder why it took them so long, to give each other the comfort they each need.

“Buck?” He murmurs, without opening his eyes. Buck hums in reply. It feels strangely domestic and makes Eddie’s heart beat a little faster.

“I think I will go to see Frank,” He says. “But for myself, this time.”

Eddie can’t see Buck’s face when he replies, but can hear it, the tender, proud smile in his voice. “I’m so glad, Eddie.” He says, his voice cracking a little bit.

If Buck says anything after that, Eddie can’t hear it, as sleep pulls him under into the most restful night he’s had yet. And when he wakes in the morning, Buck curled around him, his face peaceful and serene in the golden sunlight, Eddie can revel in the fact that the feeling was mutual.

[kitchenscene]

forever & a pond for the word place thing

until you say i do forever + a pond [ao3 link] _____________

It’s a late summer night. Water flows below them, passing under the bridge. Trees hang low, branches swaying in the wind. He has to duck his head to avoid the leaves. It’s all in vain, they still fall into his hair only to be plucked away by another breeze or Buck’s gentle hand.

The creek flows into a small pond, stepping stones carving a path across the water. Frogs croak and leap from rock to rock, chasing each other in circles, cheering each other along from the tall grasses growing along the sides. Crickets echo their calls, though their bouncing is more discrete.

Stepping side by side, the wood creaks as they pass over the bridge. Slow steps, soft steps, barely moving along. Their hands swing together in the little space that remains between them, interlocked. Shoulder brushing against shoulder, soft circles against his palm.

There’s a gentle weight in his right pocket, a platinum ring against his thigh. It should scare him, but it doesn’t. If anything, it’s grounding.

read on ao3

“I never thought I’d have this,” Buck breaks the silence, holding up their joined hands. Eddie turns away from the path ahead to look up to him. His curls sway in the wind, tangling around his hairline.

“I hoped I would,” Eddie admits, “didn’t always believe it, but I hoped.”

Stolen glances, lingering touches, he hoped. Movie nights, family day trips, he hoped. Take out containers and desserts without recipes, he hoped. For a long time that’s all he could do. Settling into his feelings and settling too late, Eddie truly had terrible timing. His breakup led perfectly into Buck’s newest relationship. Seven months, all he could do was hope. Hope and wait. Buck and Taylor, he knew they wouldn’t last, and most days he felt awful, praying for Buck’s broken heart, praying he would heal and move on. Longing hurts. It hurts and hurts and hurts.

It took time, but they healed together. There wasn’t a grand confession, no dramatic declarations. It was a car ride, driving home from a slow day. Buck called it home without hesitation, and Eddie begged for a red light, wanting nothing more than to take his face in his hands and say, “You. You’re my home.”

They didn’t stop until they reached the driveway, parked on the left, Buck’s parking spot. Eddie took his hand before he could reach for the door, pleading for him to stay, knowing his confidence soon would fade.

“Stay,” he said, holding on tight, “not just for tonight.”

“I don’t plan on leaving,” he assured, “Not ever.”

Eddie didn’t fall for Buck, no, it was a choice. He didn’t trip over the edge, stumble into love, but rather jumped off the cliff, diving head first, knowing he’d be caught somewhere along the way. He chose to lean closer and whisper promises into the air between them. He chose to hold Buck’s face in his hands, a reassurance that he wants this, them together, as long as he can have it. Buck may argue it was the other way around, but Eddie kissed him. All the hoping, all the waiting, he kissed him first, leaving no room for doubt in between. He made a choice, there in the driveway. He’ll make the same one, time and time again.

The bridge turns off into a boardwalk, a solid oak platform suspending them over the water. Information plaques prop up off the outer railings detailing the plants and wildlife surrounding them. They stop walking. Buck stares out onto the pond, lilies overgrowing and dragonflies swarming. It’s beautiful, the moon reflecting off the water, ripples outlining the shore. Eddie stares at Buck instead.

“There’s dirt on your face,” he laughs, wiping it away with his thumb. Eddie leaves his hand against Buck’s cheek long after the spot is wiped clean.

“And there’s dead leaves in your hair,” Buck says, turning towards him, ruffling his hair. The dirt and leaves float to the ground, falling between the wood panels, lingering on the water’s surface. He reaches up to fix his hair, but Buck messes it up once again. His laughter is bright, the frogs and fish and hidden crickets all return to laugh along.

“You’re the worst,” he teases, sliding his hand from Buck’s cheek to his hair, shaking out the curls. Buck swats his hand away before letting it rest on Eddie’s arm.

“You love me,” Buck says with absolute certainty.

“How could I not?”

With a heart so full, so willing to give and give and give, how could he not? Loving Buck is the easiest choice he’ll ever make.

His face softens at Eddie’s question. A smile lifts that he could not possibly force down. They lean against the edge of the boardwalk, a dark night, though he can see as clear as ever. Somewhere above is the moon, lighting the way. A little further is the stars, leading the way. They see the ring in his pocket, and they twinkle with anticipation.

“I love you too, y’know,” Buck says, still holding Eddie’s arm. His own hands trace Buck’s ribcage, counting the bones, shifting with each breath.

“I never doubted it,” he says. “Even when you mock me, even when I misunderstand you, even if we’re fighting. You’re still easy to love.”

They sway together with the breeze under the watchful eye of the stars. He pays attention to Buck’s gentle hold, to the soft chirps and the splashes. It’s a good moment, one of the best. He’s right where he needs to be, and he never wants to forget.

“You’re easy to love,” Buck returns, “you’re also easy to mock.”

Eddie pinches Buck’s side and he laughs at the touch. “I’m telling you how much I love you, and you’re making fun of me?”

“You make it too easy.”

The weight in his front pocket feels a little lighter.

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” he says. “You and me, forever. That’s the deal.”

Buck is his best friend. They became something more, boyfriends, life partners, but underneath all that, they’re still just best friends. They make stupid jokes that become incomprehensible to anyone around them. One word, two words spoken is worth essays and speeches, even in silence, they understand one another.

“You’re sure?” Buck asks, though his smile is evident. “Forever’s a long time.”

Eddie shakes his head. “Not long enough.”

One lifetime, one thousand, it could never be enough, though he’ll do what he can with the time they have. God knows they’ve already wasted enough.

He pulls one hand away from Buck’s waist. Somewhere in his pocket, buried deep, there’s the ring. It spins between his fingers for a moment before surfacing, just above the seams. He squeezes tight, not willing to let it go. Eddie looks down, watching the metal shine in the moonlight. He doesn’t fall to one knee, no, he doesn’t fall. There’s a fraction of a speech in his head, though he could never find the words to fully encompass his thoughts. He’s muttered hundreds of, “I love you’s,” over the years; it will never be enough.

Buck doesn’t look down at the ring, he looks to Eddie instead with such softness. He’s noticed it’s a look reserved for only him, just as Eddie’s loudest laughs are only for Buck and Chris, and how he only lets himself be held by Buck.

He lifts the ring a little higher, finally catching Buck’s eye. His breath hitches as he glances between Eddie’s hands and his eyes.

“I want forever,” Eddie says, “but I’ll take whatever I can get.”

“You can have forever,” Buck nods, pulling him impossibly closer, “I’m not going anywhere.”

He leans down to kiss Eddie like it’s a promise, a pinky swear. It’s a feeling he’ll never tire of, being molded by Buck’s touch, firm and gentle. No rush, no booming in his chest or flipping in his gut. Safety, that’s all it is. It’s coming home, it’s a solid landing. Buck kisses him with determination, as a reassurance. He’ll never leave, it’s laced in every kiss, somewhere between their lips. Eddie leans back, lifting the ring once again with a laugh. There’s a question he forgot to ask.

“Marry me?”

Bucks nods again, nose brushing against Eddie’s. He nods once, twice, kissing him again and again. Even if he never asked, he’s certain the answer would’ve been yes. Buck could say nothing at all, and he’d still know the answer.

He pulls away long enough to slip the ring onto his finger, hands tangling, platinum shining in the moonlight. Another leaf falls in his hair, he makes no effort to move it. It’ll fall with the breeze, while Eddie stands with Buck. Hands roaming, kisses repeating, he stands with Buck.

send me a word + a place and i'll write you a short buddie fic

[frysquint]

Hiiiiiii F and I for the fanfic ask game ❤️

hiiiiiiii!!!! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

oooohhh. okay, this scene is a little long, and pretty much no one read this fic, but I am pretty proud of this bit from Working Through the Grammar of My Fears, which was the second thing i ever posted in this fandom, established relationship, set after 5a (before 5b aired).

the entire story is basically about Eddie trying to deal with his anger issues, which he has been suppressing for years, and how that informs the way he relates to Buck and Buck's abandonment issues. I am pretty proud of the whole therapy scene, mostly because I spent a lot of time fretting about writing a therapy scene (I am an accountant, not a therapist), and I think it turned out alright in the end.

“I can’t speak for Buck because I don’t know him, but I imagine there is an element of truth to what you’ve said,” she continues. “You’re a perceptive person, and you know Buck very well. You’ve said many times before that you feel a strong need to protect him.” “Always,” Eddie insists. Dr. Herrera smiles. “Is it possible that you’re reading the situation this way because of your need to protect him?” Eddie opens his mouth and then stops, confused. “What do you mean?” he asks. Instead of answering, Dr. Herrera says, “I can put it another way. You mentioned that you said something you shouldn’t have. Do you want to tell me about it?” “Not really,” Eddie jokes. “That’s perfectly alright. You don’t have to.” “It’s fine,” Eddie says even though it is definitely not fine. “It probably wouldn’t sound bad to anyone else, but for Buck it was one of the worst things I could have said. He’s insecure about feeling needed, you know? He wants to be wanted. But I basically told him—he asked me to talk to him about how I was feeling and I told him he couldn’t handle it.” Dr. Herrera is quiet. “When we talked after, he told me that I made him feel useless,” Eddie confesses. He looks down at his hands on the table to avoid seeing her reaction. “He told me I ignored him like his parents did and made him feel like he was nothing to me. Hearing that, I felt like the worst person in the entire world.” “Hmm,” Dr. Herrera says, giving nothing away. Eddie sighs. “I know it’s important to share things with your partner, but I don’t know if I can share this. I’m angry almost all of the time, Doc, and it never stops. I can’t put that on him.” “Why not?” “I don’t want to hurt him.” “Going back to my earlier question,” Dr. Herrera says, “do you think your reading of the situation from the other night is influenced by your need to protect Buck?” Eddie narrows his eyes. “You think I need to protect him from me.” “Based on what you’ve told me, I would suggest that you think you need to protect Buck from you,” she replies in that infuriatingly calm therapist voice. “I could be completely wrong, but if you feel that way, Eddie, whether or not you believe it’s warranted, it is okay to acknowledge that you have those feelings.”

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

hmmmm @likeshipsonthesea told me to confess my deepest, darkest secret, which is that I love MCD. it's terrible, I know!!!! I'm suitably ashamed of it. I just love to be sad. 😭

[thisissirius]

66 angst/Fluff list.

i tried to post this last night and tumblr decided my blog was illegal so it’s your fault :P

anyway. have some softness and love :) (with angst because i am me, after all)

(un)certain [ao3 link] eddie/buck, getting together

Buck closes the door to his apartment and leans against it. 

There’s no sound from within and Buck hopes that means Albert’s out for the night. He’s not sure he can handle dealing with Veronica adjacent drama tonight. His plans hadn’t even included being home at all. He’s supposed to be at Eddie’s, watching movies with him and Chris, and then sleeping on the couch. 

That’s changed thanks to Buck’s big mouth. 

“Why me?”

Buck frowns. “What do you mean why you?”

Eddie glares, and Buck thinks the worst possible outcome is actually a reality. “Why me?”

The look on Eddie’s face is still bouncing around inside of his head. 

Now that he’s home, able to process their fight-and Buck doesn’t even want to call it that when he fled to save Eddie the chance of rejecting him-Buck realises maybe he’s made a mistake. 

Not about confessing; he won’t ever be sorry for finally lifting that weight from his shoulders. 

The mistake is in running. Buck’s so fucking tired of running. Fumbling for his phone out of his pocket, Buck thumbs through to Eddie’s number and hits call. It rings through to voicemail and Buck curses under his breath, tapping the phone against his free hand. 

Eddie’s not the most emotional person. The opposite, in fact, and Buck hates himself for not factoring that in. The why me makes Buck’s heart hurt on Eddie’s behalf and not for the first time, he wants to punch everyone who’s ever given Eddie cause to think he’s not amazing. 

Buck wants to call again but Eddie doesn’t like being bothered and he sighs, wondering if he can wait until their shift in two days time to clear the air. They don’t fight. He can’t remember the last time anything between them had been bad. Since the supermarket anyway, and that was more about their mutual abandonment and Buck shakes his head. 

He should have known; Eddie only ever lashes out when he can’t handle what he’s feeling. In the supermarket it had been his perceived abandonment at Buck’s hands. Now, it’s the fact that Buck’s decided to spring hey, I think I love you, how great!!! on him. 

Except it’s Eddie. 

For all that Buck knows Eddie, sometimes he forgets Eddie’s kneejerk reaction to emotion is to get it the fuck away from him.

Hey, he texts instead. I know you probably don’t wanna talk- 

A knock at the door interrupts and he bites back a curse. “Albert, if you forgot your key-”

“You’re giving him keys now?” Eddie stands on the threshold looking uncertain, which Buck won’t stand for. 

Stepping back, Buck heads towards the kitchen, rolling his eyes. “I can’t make him wait outside for me to get home when we work 24 hour shifts, Eddie.”

Eddie snorts, standing next to the counter, hands by his sides. He looks-small, uncertain of his place. Buck wishes he knew what to say to make it go away. 

“You left,” Eddie says. He’s looking at Buck. Well, he’s looking at the clock behind Buck’s left shoulder. 

“I know.” Buck keeps his words soft. He leans against the counter, gives Eddie a rueful smile. “You’re not the only one that runs from his emotions.”

Eddie hesitates. “You want to?” He looks irritated with himself. “Run from your feelings, I mean.”

Buck knows he’s gotta tread carefully; there’s a part of him that’s hopeful, that if he and Eddie talk, maybe they can meet somewhere in the middle and be happy. The louder voice is telling him not to be an idiot, that he never wins that way, especially not with the way Eddie’s looking anywhere but at Buck. “You asked why you.”

“Buck-”

“You asked why and I should have told you.” Buck watches Eddie’s mouth close and finally, his eyes lift to Buck’s. “It’s you because there’s nobody else, Eddie. There’s never been anyone else, not really. Since Ali,” he amends, at the expression on Eddie’s face. 

“Okay,” Eddie says slowly. “But you could have-”

“If you say anyone, I’ll punch you.” Buck sighs, pushing off of the counter and stepping closer to Eddie. “You’re a great father.”

Eddie flushes, turns away. Buck closes the rest of the distance between them, puts his fingers on Eddie’s chin. Eddie lets him turn his head and then Buck rubs a thumb over Eddie’s jaw. Casual intimacy has never been their problem and Eddie accepts it easily, lifts a hand to Buck’s hip. 

“You are. Chris is amazing and I know that’s thanks to Shannon, but it’s also thanks to you. You’ve been his sole parent for such a long time, and you always make sure he’s protected, cared for, that he knows he’s loved.”

“You help,” Eddie says, and his voice is hoarse. 

Buck nods, because that’s never something he doubts. “I know. But you let me. Because you’re also cautious, but careful. You’re funny, even when you don’t mean to be, and I know you care about every single person in your life, even when you’re hurting.”

There’s a heaviness to Eddie’s expression, to the way his fingers tighten on Buck’s hip. It’s hard for him to hear, Buck knows, but maybe he’s also desperate to hear it, to know someone feels that way. 

“You understand me without me saying a word.” Buck tips Eddie’s head back and Eddie takes a deep breath. “I love you. Because of you. You don’t have to do anything to earn it, or be anything other than who you are.”

“Sometimes I don’t know who that is,” Eddie admits quietly.

Buck smiles, slides his hand up to Eddie’s cheek, thumb against the soft skin beneath Eddie’s left eye. “That’s okay. I’ll still be there, loving you no matter what.” Grinning, Buck raises his eyebrows. “It also doesn’t hurt that you’re hot as fuck.”

Eddie laughs, surprised, and drops his head to Buck’s chest. Buck runs a hand through his hair, waits for the inevitable questions. 

“I don’t know if I can do this again,” Eddie says. Maybe he’s thinking of Shannon. Buck doesn’t say anything, lets Eddie work it out. “But if I do, I want it to be with you. Whatever that means.”

“It can mean whatever you want it to.” Buck desperately wants to kiss Eddie so he does, soft and quick. Then, when Eddie breathes a little shaky, flexes his fingers on Buck’s hip, he ducks in again. This time he takes his time, a slow press of lips, a slow slide of tongue, a soft moan in the back of Eddie’s throat. 

Eddie stares at him when they part. “Okay, we can definitely do that again.”

Buck smiles, but he wants to be clear about one thing. “Loving you is the best thing I’ve ever done.”

Eddie smiles and then it shifts into a smirk, heat in his face and oh yeah, finally Buck feels settled, like they’ve hit the same mark. “Until you do me.”

“Oh my god,” Buck laughs, burying his face in Eddie’s hair. He can feel Eddie’s body shaking with his own laughter. “You’re an idiot.”

“Probably,” Eddie agrees. “But you’re stuck with me.”

“Always,” Buck promises. 

There’s still a touch of disbelief to Eddie that Buck knows he’ll spend a lifetime trying to get rid of, but what a lifetime it’ll be. 

“Okay,” Eddie says, and it feels like a promise of his own.

[carocane]

never saw fireworks like this

Flufftober Day 4 - Sparklers & Fireworks

@flufftober2021

9-1-1

Eddie Diaz/Evan “Buck” Buckley

Buck looks around his living room with satisfaction. “Yeah, this’ll do” he says to himself with a definitive nod. 

The open living space in front of him has been transformed from its usual configuration. The couch and coffee table have been moved out to make room for the large air mattress piled with blankets. The blanket and pillow fort he constructed is perfect. The canopy over it makes it cozy and the small fairy lights give it a soft glow. The goal is for everything to be soft and safe. He hopes it will be perfect for Eddie.

Eddie had cringed when Christopher asked about going to see the 4th of July fireworks show LA would be putting on like they did every year. 

Eddie had tried to hide it but Buck knew him too well and of course caught it. He waited until Christopher was out of the room before bringing it up with Eddie. He wanted to make sure he approached this in the right way.

“Hey Eds? Can I ask you something?”

“Sure Buck, you can ask me anything. You know that.”

Buck took a deep breath before continuing. “You don’t really like fireworks, do you?” He asked carefully.

Eddie debated for a moment, eyes down and head ducked, before he lifted his face to his partner and confessed “No, I really don’t. The loud noises and flashing lights bring up the worst memories of my time in the Army. I don’t really like reliving that every year. But it is what it is. Parents do things they don’t like for their kids.”

“We don’t have to go to the fireworks display if you don’t want to, you know.”

“I know, but Christopher really loves them and it makes him happy to go. He’s still at the age where he likes doing stuff like that.” 

So, Buck had let it drop but he worked out a plan. One that would allow Christopher to see the fireworks but would take away the worst of the experience for Eddie. He just hopes it will work and they will both like it.

He has no more time to worry about it as the knock sounds at this apartment door. He puts on his best smile and opens it to reveal the Diaz boys dressed in their red, white and blue 4th of July best. 

“You guys look great!” he greets enthusiastically, just happy to see them. Eddie looks a bit apprehensive, like he’s still not sure this is the best idea. Buck will just have to convince him, with some help from Christopher of course.

He ushers the boys in and gestures to the living room behind him “Alright, guys, make yourselves comfortable. We have everything we could possibly need for firework watching tonight.”

Eddie looks around the room, taking it all in. The fort takes up most of the room and he has to admit, at least to himself, that Buck did a good job with it. He thinks this might just work. 

Eddie turns to Christopher and sees that his son is already halfway across the space, more than ready to dive into the nest of blankets. 

Buck has disappeared into the kitchen area so Eddie makes sure Christopher gets settled before heading over to his partner to help bring food and drink into the living room. 

“You really didn’t have to do all this, you know.”

“I know. I wanted to. I would do anything for you two.”  

The moment hangs heavy between them, the two of them standing close and simply staring at each other. That moment is shattered by Christopher calling for them and they break apart with a jolt. 

There’s a few seconds of awkwardness as they shuffle around, grabbing drinks and snacks. 

Finally, they have everything they need and make their way to Christopher. It takes another few minutes to get everything set up. 

Buck turns on the TV to one of the big firework shows, making sure it’s muted. The sounds of fireworks exploding and patriotic music have been replaced by a special mellow playlist.

No loud noises, no bangs or clashes. Buck is going to make sure nothing triggers Eddie’s worst memories. 

Christopher is between them on the air mattress, his attention on the flashing colors.  Buck concentrates on him for a long second before his eyes shift up to Eddie. Eddie looks content and relaxed, though there’s still a bit of tension in the line of his shoulders. 

Buck knows he will do just about anything to make that tension disappear. He stretches out his arm and gently touches Eddie’s back, being careful not to scare him or make him jump. Eddie gives him a soft smile as Buck lightly massages where he carries the worst of his tension. All his stress seems to drop away at that. He is comfortable and safe here. Eddie feels a surge of affection for his best friend and partner. Part of him can’t believe Buck would do all of this for him. The rest of him knows that’s just how he is. He knows he’s incredibly lucky to have this man in his life. 

The colors of the fireworks flash across the screen, illuminating the room and all of their faces. For the first time in years, Eddie is able to just enjoy the show and not worry about how it’s going to affect him. He knows he’s with the most important people in his life and nothing bad is going to happen. There’s no danger here.

They watch the show in silence, the light music still playing in the background. 

Eventually they realize Christopher has fallen asleep, likely due to the excitement of the day and the subdued atmosphere of Buck’s apartment. Buck glances up and notices that Eddie is a lot closer than he was just a few minutes ago. 

“Thank you for all of this, Buck. It was perfect.”

“I’m glad you liked it. I really wanted you to have a good 4th of July.”

Eddie tilts his head just a bit and presses his lips to Bucks. “That’s not gratitude. That’s just for you being you.” Their lips press together again, and Eddie swears he still sees flashes of color behind his closed eyes. “Now that’s my kind of fireworks.”

“I think I prefer those also. I might need to see them again just to make sure.”

Eddie is more than happy to oblige and they are just as good the second time. And every time after that.

[shrimpngritcakes]

Is this where 9-1-1 is heading? Seasons getting worse as the show progresses? I've seen so many shows (I'm almost 40, so it's a lot.) do this over the course of airing and 9-1-1 seems to be following the same pattern unfortunately.

I can honestly say I'm glad I stopped watching this season after episode 3. The non resolution of the blackout just screamed at me that bad writing was ahead. If they had ended it with showing evidence of the hackers being captured and/or in prison, I might have kept watching. Some of you still have hope, but I've honestly lost mine. I've "spoilered" myself on Tumblr after every episode just to see if it was worth catching up.

Buddie, BT, and the rest of my thoughts are under the cut of you want to skip.

The separation of Buck from Eddie and Chris. No real resolution to the trauma Eddie (and Buck because if I saw my best friend shot in front of me, I'd be an absolute wreck.) experienced. Plus the whole BT thing. Which, if it was written better, (and if they had gotten together at a different moment instead of right after Eddie was shot) I would be okay with, but it's not from what I'm seeing here. They've been together how long, and he didn't know her real last name? Buck's first immediate response to her confession? Nope. That's just bad writing.

All of this, imo, is them trying to kill the idea of Buddie. Some of you see writing on walls, and I wish I had your rose-colored glasses to see the same invisible ink you are. But, I'm an optimistic pessimist. I'm pretty confident that the worst will happen.

For my own sanity, I'm done with 9-1-1. And don't let anyone make you feel bad if you need to do the same. Hope that gets broken over and over is not good on mental and/or emotional health (look at Buck hurting himself over and over as a kid, hoping his parents will love him like they should). I had my bar on the ground and they still managed to dig under it.

I'm going to stick to other shows where my bisexual self has at least some representation, and strong friendships don't drift apart like blown dandelion seeds. If I hear otherwise, because I will still read spoilers, I will completely skip 5a (and possibly 5b if it's just as bad) because the writing seems to be horrible.

And finally, my suspicion (and I called Grace being pregnant on LS) is Eddie is going to find a "safer" job that runs all the way through 5b. While there he will run into a female coworker they're going to pair him with. Another lethal strike to Buddie. He may go back to the 118 eventually (Really? They already did this concept with TK on LS) because despite this decision being about Chris... Is it what Eddie really wants or is he being "railroaded" by his own kid? But the lady will probably be there to stay.

[lonely-writer]

Buck x OC

OC’s reaction to buck getting crushed by the fire truck.

OOF Anon craves violence! Hope this suits your needs!

Pairing: Evan "Buck" Buckley x OC, Evan "Buck" Buckley x Ali Martin

Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Original Female Character, Maddie Buckley, Captain Bobby Nash, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson, Howie "Chimney" Han, Eddie Diaz, Ali Martin, Athena Grant-Nash

Tags: Angst, Near death experiences, Traumatizing experiences, Mentions of bombs, Swearing, Hurt/Comfort, Love confessions, Unrequited love...or is it, Mentions of past abuse, Jealousy, Survivor's guilt, Slight character bashing

TW: Mentions of bombs, Mentions of past abuse

Notes: I had a lot of fun writing this and I may or may not include this in my S.O.S fic.

It's nearly twelve when Raven's phone rings, she's already in bed and not expecting anyone to call. She's especially not expecting Maddie to call her.

"Maddie, what's-" She groggily begins whilst rubbing at her eyes, a strangled sob immediately has her blood running cold. Wide awake now her instincts start working on overtime, "Hey, hey, hey. I'm here, talk to me. Are you okay? Are you having nightmares again, do you want me to come over?" She quickly asks although without waiting for an answer she's already out of bed.

"R-Raven it's not me- I..it's Buck. There was a bomb- it was on the truck-" Maddie explains through heartbroken sobs, it hits her hard. The wind feels knocked out of her as she steadies herself against her closet doors. She takes a few deep breaths as the weight of the situation came crashing down on her.

Right. The bombs. The bombs that had been going off all across the city. The bombs that had everyone worried. The bomb's that had been mostly targeting bureaucratic figures- so why the hell had the fucking 118 been targeted? None of this made sense but none of that mattered right now.

What mattered was that Buck had been caught in one of the bombings and now he was hurt- god was he even still alive? What if he- no. No thinking like that. She swallows back the vile and tears that threaten to consume her, she needs to be strong right now. "Is he still...?" She begins though the words die in her throat- is he still trapped?

"No, no they got him- he's okay. He's on the way to the hospital, I-I'm on my way there but I figured that someone should tell you- oh god Raven..what if he doesn't make it..what if-" Maddie begins to spiral in a panic.

"Maddie. Deep breathes okay? In and out." Raven instructs leading through example taking a few breaths herself hoping to calm herself down before continuing, "He's going to be alright, he's in good hands, he's Buck. He can get through this." Even as the words of encouragement leave her she's not really certain of who she's trying to convince.

It takes her awhile to get to the hospital- turns out a bomb blowing up a firetruck in the middle of the city creates a huge traffic jam. Who knew. As soon as she's through those emergency room doors Maddie practically tackles her into a hug, she's still crying and understandably upset her younger brother was just nearly killed. That thought terrifies Raven- Buck has been there for her so many times, with Julia and Mike, with her parents, and to think that she nearly lost him. To think that he could have died? Without telling him-

Ali catches her eye as she's trying to console Maddie and a wave of guilt washes over her, she's probably wondering why Raven's even here, she's not related nor are they dating so really she's just a concerned friend. Who doesn't belong here. Brushing those thoughts off she gets up to speed with the situation, apparently this all stemmed from a very old grudge and an old call that Bobby and Athena had both been involved in.

The serial bomber had sent a package to Athena's personal address and one had been placed on the ladder truck intended for Bobby with Buck becoming the unintentional target, his leg had been caught under the truck effectively crushing it. Thank fucking god that the 118 was okay and there to help. Thank fucking god that he's okay. Or at least she hopes that he's okay.

When the doctor comes the first person who goes back is Maddie, she's his only blood relative in the hospital. Next is Bobby and Athena, although they're not his real parents they certainly act like it, followed by Hen, Chimney, and Eddie. Every time someone comes back they all hold the same look: it should have been me instead.

Small talk has never been her strong suit but she tries her best as visitors come and go, she offers a shoulder to cry on, she listens and consoles those who are afraid, she doesn't mind -really it's the least she can do. In all honesty she's just biding her time, but for what? Practically everyone has visited Buck except for...her and Ali. It feels like a stalemate just waiting for that final snap of tensions- who's going to get up and see him first?

If Raven gets up first then here comes the shit-storm of non-stop bashing from Ali, but then again if Ali gets up first then Maddie's going to come over and offer her that look. Turns out telling your best-friend's sister how you feel is quite possibly the worst thing ever because she will often hold that over your head. As if sensing the tension between the two of them Athena clears her throat quirking up an eyebrow, she's not leaving it up to them anymore, the night has been long and the last thing anyone wants is a catfight.

Compromise it is.

They both stand simultaneously, eyeing the other with a deep sense of caution or distrust or something. The walk to Buck's room is tense and silent, it's not that Raven doesn't like Ali- although it certainly feels as though Ali doesn't like her- she just hasn't spent a lot of time to get to know her so she doesn't have much to go on....besides the strange amount of hostility from her. She gets that feeling of guilt again but manages to push it back once again.

Buck is deep asleep when they enter the room, not surprising given the amount of pain killing drugs the hospital has given him, and for that Raven is thankful. It makes the ache of seeing him, hurt and vulnerable, burn just a little bit less. Ali, on the other hand, just breaks when she sees him. She begins sobbing again, practically inconsolable- Raven does try, awkwardly putting a comforting hand on her shoulder, "He's going to be okay." She tries.

Wrong choice of words it seems as Ali shakes her head before she's backing out of the room and bolting down the hallway completely overwhelmed. Briefly she can see a flash of something on her face before she's out the door, this isn't something that she ever expected to see and she hadn't been ready for it. Raven sits in the chair by Buck's bedside and sighs quietly.

"So...I don't know if you can really hear me or not, not that you're in a coma or anything- wow I'm bad at this. Anyways um...I need you to be okay, alright? Tonight....it fucking sucks because you, you could have died and I don't know what I'd do without you Buck. You are so amazing, you're brave, you're sweet, you're a cocky-hard headed son of a bitch but god I-" Her voice breaks as the emotional toll weighs down on her, "I love that. I love you. So you have to be alright."

[datleggy]

Scene that popped into my head: post lawsuit while Buck is shunned. He pushes Eddie out of the way and takes a near fatal hit. As he lays there bruised and bleeding internally with Eddie and everyone treating him his eyes focus on something past Eddie, something only he sees. The Buck says a something that truly terrifies Eddie. He simply says “Shannon?” All hell breaks loose after that. Eddie screaming at Buck not to go with her

It’s been nearly a month now since Buck came back to the team and despite all of his apologies and all of his attempts at trying to show everyone he regrets putting them all through the lawsuit, not a single person has reached out in return.

Buck regrets everything. He was just so desperate; he wanted to stay a family so goddamn bad, but it ended up blowing up in his face.

Bobby continues to treat him with kid gloves, having him do all kinds of probationary work around the station, reprimanding him for any and every little thing and leaving him on crowd control duty the few times he is actually allowed to go on calls with the rest of the team.

It’s upsetting and belittling but Buck takes it all in stride. He deserves everything he gets and more for his thoughtless, selfish impulsivity. Right?

It’s the dreary thought that’s on his mind as Buck watches his team go into the blazing fire in the bank, on their latest call.

There are patrol officers and S.W.A.T surrounding the perimeter. They’d been called in earlier when the situation had consisted of a lone bank robber and his eight hostages. Somehow—not that Buck managed to get many details from Bobby, who’d only told him he would be standing the sidelines in case anything happened—that had turned into what it is now, a fire emergency, with the bank robber plus four of the hostages still inside.

Buck is on standby, which is killing him, of course. His team is wearing bullet proof vests on top of their already heavy gear, in case the bank robber feels like shooting his way out of a burning building. Please be ok, he prays, please be ok.

He wants to run in there and help, make sure he’s got his people’s backs, but he’s been given clear and direct orders to stay back by the Captain, and though it goes against his every instinct, Buck wars with himself to wait, anxiety curling deep in his belly.

Eventually, while Buck is holding his breath, waiting for signs of life, one by one, they come out of the fire, relatively unscathed, as far as he can see. S.W.A.T. is on standby like Buck, but unlike Buck it’s because they’ve actually got a job to do. The last four hostages were all female, and so it’s easy to locate the bank robber, who had earlier been identified as a stocky white male in his thirties.

While the man is being cuffed and read his miranda rights paramedics on scene start to work on the hostages, none of whom seem particularly wounded, thankfully. In fact, the worst of it seems to be a little smoke inhalation all around.

Buck notices Eddie trying to lead the woman he saved over to the ambulance to get checked; he’s having trouble. Curious, and eager to help in any way he can, Buck hedges closer. “Look, I’m fine, just leave me alone.” the woman is saying, backing away.

Eddie, who thinks she might be traumatized and perhaps even hiding an injury, the way she’s holding her side so awkwardly, carefully reaches for her again. “Ma’am, it’s ok, we’re just here to help—”

But Buck can see something’s not quite right, he can see the panic in her eyes and instantly recognizes it for what it is: she’s feeling trapped, surrounded on all sides. This isn’t good. He’s seen that look before, in the face of that woman he rescued what seems like forever ago now. The one up on that billboard, the one who drew that gun on him the moment she felt like there was no other way out…

“Eddie wait!” But it’s too late.

The woman is already rearing back, a wildness to her, and within milliseconds she’s got a weapon aimed at Eddie’s fucking head and Buck can see that finger on the trigger, she’s not hesitating and there’s no time to think or subdue her. Buck just acts, slamming himself into Eddie to push him out of the way as the woman shoots.

S.W.A.T. is on her in an instant, securing the gun and shoving her onto the asphalt to be cuffed and arrested.

Eddie, still reeling, sits up shakily, heart pounding erratically. “B-Buck?”

Buck is lying prone on his side, deathly still, and there’s already a puddle of blood formed beneath his body, and it’s only growing.

“Buck, Buck!” Eddie panics, scrambling for what to do.

Thankfully the 118 is here and within moments they’re gathered around, and Eddie, he finds himself frozen in place, watching as Hen and Chimney turn Buck over in a flurry of activity. There’s so much blood, Eddie can barely tell where it’s coming from. It’s covering the side of his face and his neck, his chest, his shoulders.

Chim has a portable EKG reading his vitals and it’s not looking good. Hen’s managed to find the entrance wound, right at the side of his neck and she’s keeping a steady firm pressure but there’s still so much blood pouring out between her gloved fingers.

Buck groans, his eyelashes fluttering against his too pale face.

“Buck, son, you’re gonna’ be ok.” Bobby is sitting right next to Eddie, he’s got a hand lingering, hovering just above Buck’s shoulder on his other side. Eddie sees the way that hand trembles and knows the Captain is terrified he’s going to be made a liar.

But Buck is awake now, conscious and moving, if only in response to the pain. His eyes are unfocused, looking somewhere over Eddie’s shoulder, not at him. “Buck, Buck, look at me, you got shot, as soon as you’re stable we’re getting you to a hospital.” Eddie tries to assure him, the panic in his voice betraying his words. As soon as we get you stable, he makes sure to say, not if we get you stable…

But Buck doesn’t acknowledge him. He blinks slowly, his brows creasing—not in pain, but in confusion. He opens his mouth and says something but it’s too quiet for anyone to catch it, not when so many things are going on around them, with S.W.A.T in the background, released hostages and other civilians still reeling from the gun going off, and Hen and Chim working their asses off to keep Buck alive.

Eddie leans in as much as he can, without disturbing their work. “Buck what is it?” his voice is trembling. Hell, he’s trembling.

But what Buck says next makes Eddie go deathly still.

“Shannon?”

All hell breaks loose. 

“No no no no no no no, Buck no, please, look at me!” Eddie can’t even hear himself over the roaring in his ears but he’s sure he’s screaming right now, his throat feels so raw.

But Buck still won’t look in his direction, those hazy blue eyes looking somewhere into the distance, seeing something no one else can. And it is terrifying beyond all belief.

“Please!” Eddie cries, “Please stay!” This can’t be happening. Not like this. Not ever. He has so much left he wants—no, needs to say. It can’t end like this. Not again.

“Don’t you fucking go! I need you!” he’s sobbing and screaming as Bobby holds him tight, keeping him from grabbing onto Buck and shaking him, telling him to snap out of it and come back to them, while Hen and Chim work. Captain Nash is saying something, maybe he’s trying to calm Eddie down, but he can’t hear anything over the sound of the erratic beeps coming from the EKG. 

Buck lets out a very faint gasp, his eyes fluttering shut, and the resounding BEEEEEP! feels like it goes on forever.

————————————————————————————————–

Buck wakes up in a hospital room.

A very crowded hospital room.

Chim and Maddie are asleep on top of one another, taking up a small loveseat in the corner on the room. Hen and Karen are passed out on the couch beside the entrance, as are Bobby and Athena, sitting side by side on some not so comfortable looking chairs, on the opposite end, resting one against the other.

“Buck?”

Buck looks to his side, where the last chair in the room is occupied, by none other than Eddie, who looks an absolute wreck, and sounds even worse, if possible.

“Eddie?” Buck winces. Talking hurts, his throat is so sore. In fact, everything hurts.

Eddie quickly has him gently suck at an ice chip by the bedside, “It’ll help.” he says. Buck notices the tremor in his hand.

After he’s a little more hydrated Buck asks, “You ok?” his friend looks like death twice warmed over.

He’s not expecting Eddie to break down in tears, but that’s exactly what happens. “Am I ok?” he’s incredulous, running his hands through his hair. “Am I ok?” he repeats.

Buck is pretty sure the only reason no one’s stirred awake yet is because neither of them can speak above the level of a throaty raw whisper at the moment. “That lady.” he says, by way of explanation. “With the gun.”

“I’m not the one she shot.” Eddie sobs, not bothering to hide his anguish. “Buck you almost fucking died. You coded in the field after calling out Shannon’s name and I fucking lost you. Buck I can’t lose you. I can’t. Ever. You can’t---you cannot do that, please, you can’t leave me. What would I ever do without you?” Eddie can barely catch his breath and he’s literally shaking. “Buck please, I need you to promise me you’ll never do something like that again. Please.”

Buck can’t promise that. And they both know it. “You know I can’t. What the hell would I ever do without you? Hell, what would Christopher do without you?”

Eddie shakes his head adamantly, breath hitching, desperately grabbing onto Buck’s hand, like it’s a lifeline. It just might be. “He’d be in good hands. Buck, you can’t do that again.”

Buck gulps. “Eddie, Christopher needs---”

“He’s got you.” Eddie cuts him off. “I should have told you before. After the tsunami I changed my will, if anything happens to me, you’re it.” he admits. “So yeah, he needs me, but he also needs you. I need you. I love you so much Buck, I couldn’t stand losing you. I’d---” he pauses, realizing he’s just confessed, and this is certainly not the way he had meant to confess. “I---shit, I’m sorry, I meant to confess after apologizing for---fuck, for everything, for this last month, hell, for the last few months, since the lawsuit, for how selfish and stubborn I’ve been, for not trying better to understand your side, for---”

“I love you too.” Buck squeezes the hands holding his, albeit weakly. He looks awed, like it’s his first time really seeing Eddie, in a while---and it probably is. “Did you really? With Christopher?” he’s too exhausted for full sentences but Eddie thankfully knows what he means.

He nods, “I did. I’m sorry, I know I should have asked, and I was gonna’ talk to you about it, but then, everything just---”

“No, no, it’s---I’m just really happy.” Buck smiles, and it’s his first genuine smile, one he hasn’t had to fake or force, in months.

Eddie practically melts against the side of the hospital bed, laying his forehead gently up against Buck’s shoulder. “Me too.” he sniffles, overwrought with emotion.

Buck’s hand comes up to rest over the back of Eddie’s head, where he can softly caress his fingers, in hopes of providing some kind of comfort, however tired he is. “I know it’s not what you wanna’ hear right now...or ever, but I would do it again, no hesitation.” he confesses.

Eddie buries his face further into Buck’s shoulder, his breath catching on a sob. “I know.” He does know. Because given the chance, Eddie would easily take a bullet for Buck too, no questions asked. A thousand times over.

“I love you.”