#i want to look up all the meta analyses but also i dont want to spoil myself on ancillary mercy

[crossgartered]

LMAO WE KNOW, BREQ

[mittensmorgul]

do you have any/know of any analyses on castiel's entire fall from heaven being queercoded (as in his fall from heaven is treated like a conservative family would treat a child coming out as lgbt) bc i cannot stop thinking about "When Castiel first laid a hand on you in hell, he was lost." the quote is driving me insane. if you dont have any thats fine i just. Man.

HELLO! and yes, i'm sure there's some on my blog, but finding them might take a bit... i've been really bad about replying to messages lately (i've only been on tumblr sporadically recently, but hopefully i'll be able to spend more time here soon... i'm finally getting a short break from real life nonsense soon... i just didn't want this to linger in the inbox and get buried.

Okay, so... *four hours later* i have been spelunking through my blog looking through a bunch of old tags, and i found a few things for you. There was a lot of Big Discussions that touch on the subject back around s12, that caused a lot of fractures in fandom and bad feelings, so I'm posting some of the links here but just know there's a lot more floating around (some of which i no longer have access to). so also tread lightly through some of these...

*FIVE HOURS LATER because i had to leave the house to Do Stuff...*

I FINALLY FOUND ONE POST SPECIFICALLY ABOUT THIS!

a long post that touches briefly on this:

and one more, because i've spent all day on this now :'D

I will say that if you explore some of the meta tags at the bottom of those posts, it'll likely lead you to more of the same, but i'm officially tapping out for tonight lol

[marunalu]

The denial about DFO is incredible, because as you said they ask for evidence and when you give them evidence they simply discard or ignore it and it isn't even a constructive criticism on the subject saying "well, but it can also mean something else", it's direct denial and calling the theory stupid. We are talking about a fandom that had Bakugou and Kirishima traveling in time as a theory and that later still insisted on the theory of time travel with Bakugou until it was confirmed that there is no such possibility. Why it's the big problem of that there are people who believe in DFO, it may or may not happen? Horikoshi still did not confirm or deny anything, even if people consider it a cliche, what is the problem that others enjoy as long as they do not harm anyone?

Oh please dont remind me of that stupid time travel theory, I still get a headache from that. People believed in that shit despite having zero evidence, except that second and bakugou have a similar hair style and third doesnt even look like kirishima at all. This theory was just created to give bakugou more importance in the story, because he doesnt provide anything meaningful to the plot and is simply just a fanservice character. This is the same fandom who thinks edegeshot folting himself into a heart to safe bakugous ass, who is already dead for at least 5 minutes now and should suffer from terrible brain damage if he wakes up, is peak writing and completly logical, but they draw the line at all for one having a douple life, owning a fire breathing quirk alongside the hundreds of quirks in his quirk arsenal and starting a family, despite all the proof we can show them. Of course they cant see it! I wouldnt be able to see it either, if I close my eyes every fucking time the evidences jump into my face! They dont like the theory, so they ignore all of it. Scroll past dfo metas, analyses and small posts talking about hints. I never really was a fan of the dabi is touya theory, still I knew it was canon, because the proof was way to obvious. With dfo its similar. At this point we have so much proof, we could write a mega meta, that would make tumblr crash down, because of its size!

In the end its still just a theory and speculation, its not that deep! If people dont like it because its cliche thats fine, but its no reason to attack dfo fans and their blogs, just because a harmless theory pisses them off so much! Its either canon or its not! If they dont want to see dfo stuff on tumblr, then by all means this people are free to block everything. But as soon as dfo is offical confirmed canon, they shouldnt crawl back and rant about how it doesnt make sense. If I refuse to give something a chance, I shouldnt be surprised if it doesnt make sense to me when it becomes reality!

[aspoonofsugar]

@bany0queen: Wow this is amazing! @aspoonofsugar may I ask how do you come up with these? I just finished Monster and I also wanted to sort of analyze and reflect on the events of the story just like what u do in ur blog, but I don't know how 😅 So if u dont mind, may i ask how u do this?

Hi and thank you for all your kinds comments under my Monster posts!

As for your question goes... honestly, I think everyone has their own method to analyze stories, so my first advice is to read many analyses and learn from others! Here on tumbrl there are a lot of great meta writers like @hamliet,  @linkspooky, @echo-from-the-void and others :) Each has their own style and interests and you can be inspired in different ways! For example, you can discover formats, approaches, etc.

In general, I would also say that talking with fellow fans of a series or reading others’ thoughts might help you. Sometimes I discover new details this way and things click together in a new way!

I also think you should start from what you like the most in stories... everyone has a character or a scene they love. Start by analyzing that!

This is true also on a more complex level imo. All stories are made of the same basic parts:

characters

themes (the message and the topic)

plot (conflict)

worldbuilding (the setting)

People are drawn to these elements in different ways. Some are more interested in plot than anything else. They look forward to well thought twists or tricks and like theorizing about them. Others are more involved in character arcs and like writing about their psychology or role in the story, etc.

I for example, love writing about themes and many of the Monster analysis you liked are focused on this specific aspect :)

You should find what mostly gets to you in a story and start analyzing that element, imo. After a while, you’l realize that the other parts are actually all intertwined and you’ll become able to write richer analysis that take into account many different aspects.

Finally, to write good analysis, it might be helpful to know how stories usually work. For example, I used a writing brainstorming technique to analyze Monster’s theme in this post and I used the Jungian Shadow archetype to better understand Johan’s role in the story in relation to both Nina and Tenma.

@septembercfawkes blog here is great to learn how to write and to discover more of how stories work!

Thank you for passing by!

[ouyangzizhensdad]

I love ur takes but I'm kind still impressed by ur persistent hate for cql. The novel is the base but all the medias adapted from it take a single aspect of the story and make it their own. Look at the manhwa, audio drama, donghua or the drama. I still dont know what ur issue with the drama is coz for a low budget drama with censorship they did everything they could for the novel fans (yes they recorded straight bit so if they had issues they will go straight but they are a drama)... yes they added a few things for the show to telecast it for the chinese consumption (they dont really need white validation unlike kdrama which has more ifandom). Both cql or winter begonia were handled very well and the dramas were overnight hits coz of the scriptwriters and directors keeping the novel story alive.

I think it's also coz u and most white fans of the novel or cql haven't seen anime and its live actions so u dont know that the live actions made in different periods of time change the story according to the area they're being released in... Itazura na Kiss has 3 live action dramas and all three are from different countries and different time periods so the way all three are adapted are alot different eventhough the base story is the same. If u want to follow the novel read that but if u want to enjoy the story cql, donghua, audio drama of MDZS and the manhwa are very nicely done. I hope just coz white cql fans have issues with the novel u dont spread hate for the drama that has made it possible for a relationship to be shown between two men. The asians arent as thick to think they're best friends, everyone who watches the drama knows that it's a gay love story

Hi anon, 

There’s a lot in there and honestly I don’t think I can address all of your points. But I’ll try my best.

I have said many times that I do not hate CQL and that I enjoyed watching most of it. It was a fun little idol drama that wasn’t a very serious watch. At the beginning I even enjoyed the fandom for a little while. Now, yes, I do post a lot of content that is negative toward CQL and/or its fandom. But you may have noticed a few things though. My criticisms (or my moments of incomprehension) are always related to:

Specific issues I have with the choices it made as an adaptation

People trying to pass CQL, a cheaply-made idol drama, as a masterpiece. This is nothing personal against CQL: it has more to do with how it puzzles me that people don’t see to know what competent and good tv looks like. I have nothing against people praising the show, but they don’t have to act as it doesn’t have a lot of basic, technical issues. 

the CQL fandom cross-posting everything, or bringing CQL canon and fanon into novel-specific discussions. People can mix and match the canons, of course, but it’d be a nice courtesy to be at least open about it so that people who want to stick to one canon may be able to do so. And it is frustrating because people like me have literally just given up on trying to read fics because authors are not forthcoming about which canon they are drawing from. That’s frustrating and a source of bitterness!

arguments that CQL is a stronger/more complex work of fiction than MDZS. Again, it’s nothing personal about CQL, it’s just mind-boggling having to explain something so fucking transparent. 

arguments that CQL is better “queer rep” than MDZS.

absolutely whack takes from the CQL western fandom.

You feel that the screenwriter and director kept the story alive, and hey, that’s great for you. Yes, I’m aware that adaptations will change things. Analysing adaptations is actually partly how I developed a lot of my media analysis skills. However, I personally believe that the story that CQL tells and how it chooses to tell it fundamentally changes so much about the narrative, the characters or even the genre of the story that it does not keep the truly interesting and engaging elements of the novel. It might be flippant to say, but even if the production team were truly doing their best (and I do believe they did), it doesn’t mean they achieved what they set out to do--and some of it may just come down to a question of skills, as story-tellers. 

Although I am white, I may not fit into the narrative you present since I have watched many live actions and animated series adapting a manga/manhua/novel. I watched my first jdrama 15 years ago, and to be illustrative, this first jdrama was Hana Yori Dango. In the past I’ve also watched many dramas that were originally japanese/taiwanese/chinese/korean and their adaptations. Hell, sometimes even adaptations that crossed to the western market. I assure you that I am familiar with a property being adapted at different times and in different countries and through different mediums. I’ve also interacted with the other adaptations of MDZS. The thing is, what this has showed me is simply that doing something differently doesn’t translate necessarily in doing as good of a job. Adaptations can fail, either by virtue of what they fail to do as their own work of fiction, or as adaptations of an existing property. 

I’m not trying to shit on to what CQL may mean for chinese audiences or diasporic chinese audiences as well. When I point out the fact that Wangxian is just subtext in CQL, it’s not because I think “asian audiences are dumb” but because the reason why subtext may be acceptable under censorship is that it keeps a level of plausible deniability. Some people will of course recognise it for what it is, but some will simply not pick up on it or refuse that reading. I also do take pains to remind people how the flow of capital that allows for these adaptations to exist may have to do with how far the portrayal of the subtext is being pushed over any concerns for the original story or nebulous gay rights. I do find it interesting though that CQL is often presented in fandom discussions as this unprecedented occurrence in Chinese media, since there was very heavy subtext in earlier live action adaptations like Guardians or the side couple in Love H2O, just to think of quick examples. 

But obviously anon, my more salty or bitter posts about cql seem to bring up frustrations, so if it is an impediment to your fandom experience it might be best to simply unfollow me. If you wish to stay for the novel meta and avoid these posts, I do tag them with either “brine corner” or “cql negativity” or “cql vs mdzs”.

[mysterylover123]

Top 10 Must Read/See BNHA Meta for Mega Fans

The One You Absolutely Must Read:

1. Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Tragedy

https://www.reddit.com/r/BokuNoHeroAcademia/comments/5n21a9/imitation_is_the_sincerest_form_of_tragedy_a_boku/

This is the must-read post for any BNHA fan. Even if you don’t bother with any of these other posts, this is by far the best written essay about the show I’ve come across so far. It’s mostly about one of the series’ core themes: The concept of Imitation. It connects every single major hero player in the series to this theme quite brilliantly, and does so while also analyzing the villains, thematic ideas, and concepts. It was written around the time of the Provisional License Exam Arc, so bear that in mind.

The Best Relative Meta Award goes to…

2. Meadowshadowdroagon “All for One is Midoriya’s Father”

https://megashadowdragon.tumblr.com/post/145069488107/all-for-one-is-midoriyas-father  

Yeah I’m a Dad-for-One theorist. But this particular Dad-for-One meta is definitely excellent, standing out for how detailed it is. Spoilers through Chapter 217. Though I can add that they haven’t updated with 221 yet, so that’ll change things some. Great fan theory, at the very least good fanfic fodder.

The Best Traitor Theory Meta Award goes to…

3. Yeast of Eden “Let’s Talk Who’s the Traitor”

http://yeastofeden.tumblr.com/post/154703433055/so-lets-talk-whos-the-traitor

I’m fairly attached to this one very specific traitor theory, not because I want the character to be the bad guy, but because it makes a lot of sense to me. Another one that’s at least a good springboard for fanfic, and definitely brings some important insights into the cast.

The Best Bakugo Meta Writer Award Goes to…

4. Kira Elric’s Bakugo Meta

For those looking to get a grasp on BNHA’s most controversial player, here’s a few great meta on him from one of my favorite BNHA meta writers. It was hard to narrow this down because there’s so much BKG meta out there, god damn.

Katsuki Bakugou and Society (spoilers) 

A look at Katsuki and Izuku’s Childhood

The Best Villain Meta award goes To…

5. Codename is anazanka’s Shigaraki meta

https://codenamesazanka.tumblr.com

Can’t pick just one codenamesazanka Shigaraki/villain meta, they’re all too good. If you’re looking for insight into the League of Villains, then this is where you should go. The writer loves them all and has a good grasp of their characters.

The Best Endeavor/Mitsuki Meta Award Goes to…

6. Makeste’s Mitsuki Bakugo meta

https://makeste.tumblr.com/post/182924845218/bnha-bonus-rant-4-bakumom 

Makes hitting a home run again! This one should be read because it’s the best meta I’ve found about the presentations of Mitsuki Bakugo and Endeavor in BNHA. It has good insight into the concept of a redemption arc, and even some discussion of opinion vs authorial intent. Great read.

For All your Minor Character Meta Needs:

7. Meti Not the Bad Guy’s The Beauty Of videos 

Link to the Hatsume vid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VpBFaCKazqE 

These are by far the most thoroughly researched, careful and clever BNHA meta out there on youtube. Meti has covered from BNHA: Kyoka Jiro, Kamui Woods, Himiko Toga, Twice, Overhaul, Mt. Lady, Nejire Hado, Mirio Togata, Tamaki Amajiki, Gentle and La Brava, Katsuki Bakugo, Fatgum, Saiko Intelli, Inasa Yoaroshi, Camie Utsushimi, Mei Hatsume, Yui Kodai, Endeavor, Seiji, Kendo, and Hitoshi Shinso. They’re absolutely worth checking out.

For all your Todoroki needs:

8. Blodoycarnations Todoroki meta

https://bloodycarnations.tumblr.com/post/174148585324/could-you-please-elaborate-on-shotos-ideal

If you’re looking to gain some insight into icy-hot, this is the one to read. It tells you all about Shoto’s ideal of heroism and his core motivations. I’ll admit I had trouble wrapping my mind around Shoto as a character, until I read this meta. It’ll help you understand so, so much about him that isn’t easy to spot. I felt like I truly understood Shoto for the first time on reading it.

For your Fight Scene and OP Analysis Needs:

9. Mother’s Basement’s Fight and OP Analysis Vids

Mother’s Basement has my favorite coverage of these two topics. Of Mother’s Basement’s vids on BNHA, here’s the priority list for them (in my opinion) for watching:

#1. It All Comes Back to All Might

#2. What’s in a Fight? (Stain vs Deku, Iida and Todoroki)

#3. OP analyses (1-5)

#4. The Redemption of Bakugo

#5. Animelee: United States of Smash

#6. How HeroAca and One Punch Man Flip the Script on Superhero Anime

#7. What’s in a Fight, Deku vs Todoroki

#8. My Hero Academia: The Anti-Naruto

And now the shipping meta

10. Here’s all of ‘em, the best shipping meta I found for the big ships.

BKDK

http://kiraelric.tumblr.com/post/154543674203/what-is-your-favorite-headcanon-about-izuku

http://kiraelric.tumblr.com/post/158423114578/my-best-friends-a-fucking-nerd-and-an-idiot-god

TODODEKU

https://yorekichan.tumblr.com/post/159617317225/tododeku-relationship-evolution

TODOBAKU

https://bloodycarnations.tumblr.com/post/172497880044/how-about-some-of-your-amazing-todobaku-friendship

KIRIBAKU

https://cheescheesy.tumblr.com/post/174719413946/bakushimakiribaku-could-be-canon  

KACCHAKO

https://saisai-chan.tumblr.com/post/153745493434/now-im-a-new-follower-so-if-youve-answered-an

IZUOCHA

https://c-jay321.tumblr.com/post/164275251022/every-izuocha-scene-in-bnha-and-other-izuocha

TODOMOMO

https://c-jay321.tumblr.com/post/162572358697/i-dont-really-get-why-people-ship-todomomo-its

KAMIJIRO

https://etsukotez.tumblr.com/post/161265316165/do-you-have-signs-that-denki-and-jirou-will-end-up

[maiaphaelsource]

Maiaphael cuddling inside a blanket fort they made under warm blankets while they watch a movie and eat some snacks? Thoughts? Also thank you for making this blog! :') i love they! and I also love u lots for making this archive blog for them.

a fantastic concept. thank you for this ask (and i love you too!)

god okay so many thoughts. first of all, blanket fort! it's the kind of silly thing you dont expect them to do because they're both so- serious, i suppose. but they kinda need it because as a vampire Raphael is always cold and as a werewolf Maia is always warm. so they just get a thousand pillows, make a huge comfy bedding on the floor, and get blankets. Raphael is all wrapped up like a burrito with blankets over & under him and Maia has one (1) tip of the biggest one over her so she can be close to him. and then of course she lies over his chest and hugs him and it's so great and warm. he loves petting her head (gentle little squeezes over her curls so he doesn't hurt her and can still stroke her scalp, and it feels so good) as well, so they're just very comfy as they watch the movie

movies! i think Raphael is secretly a nerd. I mean, come on, he was there when most Nerd Classics™ aired and he needed a distraction haha I'm fine and if anything Magnus would probably take him to watch them. there's no way he doesn't have a soft spot for the classics. he probably hates the more recent stuff, it's all stiff special effects porn with bad writing in his opinion (and he is right), but he can watch and rewatch most classics and/or indie/fanmade/generally outside of the commercial circles sci-fi stuff. also reading sci-fi! he loves it

and canonically so does maia, so when she finds out about that? she's delighted. immediately she wants to watch all of his favorites with him with full commentary. "I'll make popcorn!" and she's smiling so bright and so excited, how can he say no to her?

so he talks very softly, "i remember when this scene aired, we were all so shocked at the plot twist", "oh, this used to be my favorite character, now i think i like the other better", etc. it feels a little weird to be talking so much during a movie, but maia likes to listen and he hadnt realized before how much of himself and of his past lies in his opinions of the shows. and it's nice

and look they both have a lot of thoughts over that stuff, because- well, they're both queer poc, they are more prone to engaging in media in a more creative and re-appropriating way. so they share their headcanons, lore ideas, opinions, internal meta. they both have amazing ideas and thoughts in completely different ways, and they're so excited over how the other can bring in fresh, interesting, well thought out ideas they would never have themselves. they end up excitedly discussing the media in question for hours on end, both smiling softly, happy to share. and again- there's so much of themselves in all of their ideas/headcanons/meta, it feels like something very intimate to be sharing them (and it is)

or documentaries! Maia loves documentaries, i am sure of it. not just on the obvious topic of marine biology (although she does have. a huge amount of them, both in DVD and downloaded on her laptop, hell, even VHS. catch her getting all sorts of vintage documentaries and books on sea life, she just has it all) but just in general? she likes history and sociology and just gaining knowledge as a whole, she's smart and curious and no topic is too trivial or useless. she'll watch anything from ancient Egypt to sociologic analyses of the furry community, as well as funny ones like the fyre festival documentary. oh, and mockumentaries! she absolutely loves those

Raphael never was a documentary guy, but with Maia, he is. first, because he also loves to learn. second, because he loves how enraptured she gets, how her eyes shine and she gets excited and even gasps when there's something particularly interesting she didn't know about. third, because with Maia he can stim as much as he wants, so that helps him pay attention

and she's just so happy she can share that stuff with him. also, they have a blast watching the fyre festival documentary. the incompetency is so off the charts. and they run a restaurant, so they have every right to make fun of them

and food! honestly, i think they just have popcorn. they already cook and work with food all day long so they want something easy to make and nice (although Raphael refuses to make microwaved popcorn. but he enjoys doing it on the pan so Maia doesn't really complain. also, it is better). and Raphael likes the texture, and they just have the bowl on their laps and aaaaa soft

and sometimes sweets! maia loves sweets so Raphael gets her those, usually fancy ones from bakeries or that he made himself, since she can't have any chocolate. he isn't a huge fan of super sweet things himself, but he loves that she loves it, and every time he brings her some she smiles so wildly and eats it with so much, like, pleasure? clearly lost in it, all melting and moany and "hmmm it's so good" and it's the best compliment ever. he can't stop smiling at her :')

okay i think that's all my thoughts but aaa thank you so much for this ask i loved answering it!

[swampgallows]

i saw your commentary on disability in the (world of) warcraft franchise and honestly id love to hear the rest of your thoughts because its genuinely FASCINATING!! i love analyses much like yours but theyre not that easy to find and more often than not theres Only Discourse and i dont want discourse i want genuine essay quality character analysis. (please excuse my rambling)

hey, thank you!!! i dont really consider myself too qualified to talk about disability really because i only persistently experience mental illness rather than physical disability (aside from wearing glasses, i used a wheelchair for about half a year after an injury and gained a lot of perspective but it’s not really the same as those who use wheelchairs or other mobility aids full-time). i see a lot of evidence of trauma/ptsd and other mental illness in a lot of warcraft canon though and it is frustrating that nobody really talks about it aside from saying it’s lazy or bad writing or blizzard are cowards or whatever. like yeah that’s all true but i’d rather take the breadcrumbs and forge my own path with it than wait in perpetual disappointment to be served a full course meal. if that makes sense

my tag for meta/’discourse’ is metacraft if you wanna look up some stuff about general warcraft (though a lot of it probably sylvanas-related at the beginning, as a warning). my character of particular interest is usually garrosh who i have written full ass essays about um. a lot.

i like to use the setting as a playground of ideas more than word of god i guess, and like i’ve said before i don’t really fault blizz on not making their game where the objective is crafting war focus on all the bad shitty parts of war like PTSD and imperialism and all that. but that’s also why i’m super excited to see what’s in store next for the story since the war campaign is over!!! i also like how they reviewed jaina’s history in the kul tiras storylines as well, reviewing her trauma and justifying her anger (whereas before it was very poorly handled to a point that misogynists joked that she was a dreadlord. ugh).

LMAO i’m ramblin now

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

Angel and Cordelia (Cangel) - an in-depth analysis of their relationship

Angel and Cordelia are a ship I never expected to ship before watching Angel, but since finishing the show around November, I’ve fallen in love with them (and the show generally) and wanted to compile a post where I could express all my thoughts and feelings about them. This meta will be very in-depth and is divided into 9 sections: 

1. ‘Pensiver Face’: Opposites Attract - Will explore Angel and Cordelia’s personalities and the ways in which these two unlikely characters came together and brought out new and wonderful sides to each other. 

2. ‘Help the Helpless’: Finding purpose - Discusses the way in which Angel and Cordelia found purpose in their lives through meeting and the creation of Angel Investigations.

3. ‘We’re family’: Belonging and Family - Insight into how Angel and Cordelia created a family and home with each other that provided them with a sense of belonging (perhaps for the first time in their lives).

4. ‘My Dearest Friend’: Friendship and Love - Looks at Angel and Cordelia’s friendship and how that was at the core of their relationship throughout the series.

5. ‘You’re not alone’: Emotional connection - Uncovers the profound emotional connection Angel and Cordelia established with each other.

6. ‘It’s the stars’: Everyone can see it - Reflects on the common ‘Everyone can see it’ trope and how that was important to Angel and Cordelia’s relationship.

7. ‘Were we in love?’: Romantic love - An exploration of when and how Angel and Cordy’s romantic feelings for each other developed.

8. ‘I’ll be seeing you’: Missed Opportunity - Analyses the writing in seasons 4 and 5, and the ways in which Angel and Cordelia’s relationship was hugely disadvantaged by the writing.

9. ‘There are no people like us’: Why Angel/Cordelia are misunderstood and live in Buffy/Angel’s shadow - Unpicks some of the common misconceptions I’ve seen about Angel and Cordy’s relationship and the how comparisons made between their relationship and Buffy and Angel’s is unfair and does a disservice to both couples. 

As you can see, section 9 does discuss Buffy and Angel, because I really couldn’t discuss Angel and Cordelia without also talking about Angel’s relationship with Buffy since she was so significant to Angel. It won’t be anti-Buffy/Angel (because I’m a huge Bangel shipper, as anyone that follows me will know), but I just wanted to give a warning for those that are a big fan of the ship as you might not want to read. However, the primary focus throughout will be on Angel and Cordelia’s relationship on ATS (I don’t really give much focus to BTVS since their interactions were so brief and lacking).

Before we get into it, I wanted to say this post is long, (coming in at around 9k words, whew! I had more to say than I realised), so if you’re interested in reading you might want to grab a drink or a snack and make yourself comfortable. 

1. ‘Pensiver Face’: Opposites Attract

What makes Angel and Cordelia’s relationship so special is that it’s between two unlikely characters who, on the surface are polar opposites, but that compliment each other beautifully. Cordelia was specifically chosen to be a regular on ATS because she was the opposite to Angel - Whedon stated that Cordelia’s bright smile was needed to counteract Angel’s broody persona (x). The fundamental differences in Angel and Cordelia’s personalities meant that together they brought out different sides to each other. Angel was known for being reserved, contemplative, melancholy, deep and pessimistic, whilst in contrast Cordelia was known for being outgoing, bubbly, outspoken, shallow and optimistic.

Both characters came to ATS season 1 displaying these characteristics which they were well-known for on BTVS, but through meeting each other, they changed. Angel smiled more with Cordelia than arguably any other character in the Buffyverse (x) (x) (x) (x). Her infectious personality, witty sense of humour and straight-talking attitude coaxed him out of his shell. Also, because he was more submissive by nature, Angel responded to Cordelia’s assertiveness - she wasn’t afraid to take charge, call him out on things, make demands of him and ensure he stayed on the right path. She was the one that took charge of the business, launching Angel Investigations from practically nothing; she persuaded Angel that he should pay Gunn for working with them; she didn’t easily relent after he fired her, Wesley and Gunn; she told him he needed to set boundaries with Fred when she had a crush on Angel to prevent Fred from getting hurt; she held him accountable for getting Darla pregnant in season 3; she consistently encouraged him to fight for Connor no matter how hopeless or difficult it became and even in her brief return in season 5 she continued with this pattern. She straight up told Angel that he’d lost his way, lost sight of their mantra to help the helpless and had become entangled in the messiness of W&H. In doing so, she set Angel back on the right path. It’s strange because generally people view Angel as having more positive traits than Cordelia, but despite his good intentions, he was more prone to giving up and wallowing than Cordelia. Angel was more malleable, more willing to accept the bad in the world whilst Cordelia, on the other hand, persevered no matter what obstacles came her way and was firm in her morals. She knew what she believed to be good and she didn’t stray from that no matter what. That clear-cut attitude really helped Angel, who being a vampire and having seen so much evil, often become lost in the blurriness between good and evil, and became disheartened about fighting the good fight on numerous ocassions. Cordelia was truly Angel’s centre of gravity and moral compass - she was the one he relied on most in his redemptive journey and helping the helpless. That’s why throughout the series there was such a heavy emphasis on Angel needing Cordy (x) and why he proclaimed to be lost without her. Angel needing Cordelia was also demonstrative of a deeper emotional connection between them, which I’ll discuss later on.

Whilst Angel and Cordelia’s differences helped/changed Angel, they did the same for Cordy. Cordelia as a person was very focused on superficial gratification. She sought popularity and status, and she enjoyed money and material objects because of the pleasure they brought her. Her desire to become an actress reflects those desires she had. Although Cordelia demonstrated on BTVS that she was much more than the stereotypical popular-shallow girl she was portrayed to be (x), she wasn’t inclined to be considerate of others and empathy didn’t come naturally to her. In comparison, Angel spent a majority of his time thinking of others and had a wealth of empathy, for everybody regardless of whether they were those he loved or strangers; good or bad. There’s no doubt that the visions were a large part of what enabled Cordelia to be more empathetic since she was quite literally experiencing the traumas of others, but being close to Angel also impacted this. Until Cordelia became friends with Angel (and Doyle, Wes and Gunn), she’d never really been prioritised or cared for unconditionally. Angel’s kindness, consideration and support enabled Cordelia to open up emotionally in a way she never had before, not just to those closest to her, but to everybody. Ironically, a vampire (albeit a vampire with a soul) was the deepest insight Cordelia had gained into humanity. Angel devoted himself to helping others and Cordelia witnessed first-hand the positive impact that had on others and the rewards it brought. Whilst she fought against evil alongside the Scoobies on BTVS, it was being part of Angel Investigations that truly showed her the true meaning of fighting. It gave her purpose and belonging, which in turn allowed her to blossom in an entirely new way.

2. ‘Help the Helpless’: Finding purpose

Despite being different in many ways, Angel and Cordelia had one main thing in common - they were both seeking purpose, meaning and belonging in their lives at the start of ATS  - and they found that with each other.

On BTVS Angel went through a traumatic ordeal with losing his soul, being killed by the woman he loved, being trapped in a hell dimension, coming back to life and then having to break up with Buffy. After Angel was cursed and his soul was restored, he retreated into the shadows and lived like a hermit for a century. He no longer belonged in the vampire or the human world, and he was so consumed with the guilt about his actions as Angelus that he was paralysed. He lived a lonely and purposeless existence - until the moment he saw Buffy. Buffy symbolised hope for Angel, because she was destined to fight evil and helping her provided him with a purpose for the first time in decades and I strongly believe that this (amongst other reasons) is why he fell in love with her. So when he split up with her and left for L.A. he lost his purpose along with Buffy. It’s clear that Angel’s time with Buffy and the Scoobies had been so significant to him that he couldn’t return to the life he had before he met Buffy, he needed to continue helping people, but he didn’t know how. Meeting Doyle immediately provided him with a sense of purpose by providing him with a connection to the HP, but as I already mentioned above, Cordelia really cemented that. Although Doyle knew he and Angel had a mission that they needed to work on together, he didn’t know how to make that a reality. Cordelia’s practicality, pragmatism and organisation is what took an idea - helping the helpless - and made it a reality - Angel Investigations. Like I said, Angel knew he wanted to help others but he didn’t really have a plan. When Angel Investigations was born, it became so much more than simply helping the odd person in distress after having stumbled upon them by chance. It became an indefinite commitment and mission which provided Angel with a true purpose - a purpose he realised was the singular most important thing to him in ‘Epiphany’ (2x16).

Cordelia was also in a similar place to Angel when she arrived in L.A. at the start of ATS. During her time on BTVS Cordelia’s character was built upon her status in high-school - she was pretty, rich and popular. Although she wasn’t afraid to stand up for what she believed in (such as defending Xander against her HS friends), she generally sought the approval of others. In HS Cordelia felt that she was somebody and that really came from her popularity and status. However, she admitted that that popularity came with a downside and that she was in fact, very lonely as a result of it (x). Cordelia’s experience in her relationship with Xander only fuelled that loneliness she felt because she isolated herself from her friends to be with him, and when he cheated on her, her ‘friendships’ with the rest of the Scoobies were revealed to be superficial in nature and quickly broke down. By the time she came to ATS, she had left high school and therefore was without her boyfriend (Xander), friends and the status that HS afforded her. This explains why she was on a mission to become a famous actress - to reclaim that status that she’d lost but on an even grander scale. The problem with this is that regardless of how shallow Cordy may have appeared, she clearly craved more than just popularity, fame or money. She’d already had that but it hadn’t  fulfilled her. Enter Angel. Cordelia saw that Angel (and Doyle) needed guidance and that she could bring something important to the table. When she joined Angel and Doyle and set up Angel Investigations, she found her purpose just like Angel did. Initially, Cordelia’s desire to stick with Angel may have been because she didn’t have any other particularly appealing options, but it became so much more than that and by the end of season 1 Cordelia was wholly devoted to helping the helpless (x). In ‘Disharmony’ (2x17) she told Harmony that despite the popularity she had at HS, she was happier than she’d ever been because of the work she was doing, and having that sense of purpose came from meeting Angel. ‘Birthday’ (3x11) further reaffirmed this, when Cordelia chose being with Angel and helping the helpless over her dream of being a famous actress. 

The creation of Angel Investigations (not just the business but also the family) wouldn’t have happened if Angel and Cordelia hadn’t of come together in the way they did. From the beginning, they were the heart of everything it was and when Angel lost Cordy in season 5, he admitted that he lost his way and was lost without her (again, this beckons back to Cordy being Angel’s centre of gravity). Poetically, Cordelia kissing Angel in ‘You’re Welcome’ (5x11) and passing on the vision to him quite literally set Angel (and co.) on the path to their final battle and brought purpose back into his life. But in addition to bringing purpose to each other’s lives through their shared mission of helping the helpless, they brought something else, perhaps more significant - belonging and family.

3. ‘We’re family’: Belonging and Family

Although Angel and Cordelia had bonds with others prior to ATS - Angel had relationships with Darla, Dru, Spike, Buffy; Cordelia with Harmony, Xander and the Scoobies - they never had with anyone else what they found with each other (and the rest of Angel Investigations) (x). In season 1 Cordelia referred to Angel as being her family and Angel reiterated that later in the series. The unconditional support, acceptance and care Angel and Cordelia had towards one other was unlike anything they’d had in any of their previous relationships (particularly for Cordelia).

Angel prioritised Cordelia, he devoted himself to keeping her safe (x) (x), he was always concerned for her well-being and he took the time to get to know her as a person. He didn’t like Cordy because of her status or popularity, he liked her for her and he expressed that numerous times - he told her he liked both versions of her (old and new), that she was an extraordinary woman and that he’d never known anybody like her (x) (x). Likewise, Cordelia accepted Angel - warts and all - without white washing his past or being ignorant to his darkness. She knew Angelus had done terrible things, and that Angel wasn’t immune from making mistakes and she held him accountable for that. But she also encouraged Angel to be open with her about that side of himself, telling him to drink blood in front of her and reassuring him that she and Doyle wouldn’t judge his vamp face (x). Cordelia came face to face with Angelus multiple times and she knew that even with a soul Angel had the capacity for darkness, but she still saw the good in him and believed it out-weighed the bad. She was never under any false illusions that Angel was perfect and that’s why she was firm in her promise that if needs be she would stake Angelus without hesitation.

It’s really that unconditional support and acceptance that led them to consider each other family. What’s most significant about this is that neither of them really had that before ATS. Angel (Liam) grew up in a volatile family situation with an abusive father and Cordelia’s family was so insignificant in her life that we only had a few references to them throughout the course of BTVS and ATS and not a single appearance from them. Neither of them really had a true home or family until they found each other. The friendship they found with each other (and the rest of Angel Investigations) truly was one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to either of them and provided them with a true home for the first time in their lives. In fact, in season 4 Angel explicitly said when Cordelia was missing “We’ll do whatever it takes to bring her home, where she belongs”, which perfectly sums up the title for this section about belonging and family. The bond they forged was one of the first they established with another that felt completely secure and contented (which is also why Cordelia reacted so negatively to him abandoning her, Wes and Gunn in season 2 over Darla), because at it’s core it was a friendship built upon familial love, which in my opinion, is the strongest and most enduring love there is.

4. ‘My Dearest Friend’: Friendship and Love

The most common argument I’ve seen against Angel and Cordelia as a romantic ship is, “They should’ve just stayed friends, they were better that way”. My issue with this is that Angel and Cordelia didn’t just fulfil one or the other - friendship or romance - they fulfilled both and so much more (x). What makes Angel and Cordelia’s relationship so special is that they morphed from acquaintances, to coworkers, to confidantes, to friends, to family, to lovers and were often some (or all) of these things to each other at once. Their feelings for each other cannot be boxed in, because they encompass so much, but there is no disputing that they loved each other.

Angel and Cordy had a profound connection spanning across the entirety of ATS, that no amount of words I type can quite express. They were a constant presence in each others’ lives for years, they were by each others’ sides through some of the most significant events of their lives and they shared it all - the highs and lows, the good and bad. Even when their romantic feelings came into fruition, their friendship remained unchanged. Nothing could change that fundamental dynamic between them or the ease with which they communicated and bounced off of one another. Any scene between Angel and Cordy has a natural chemistry (the nature of that chemistry is up to interpretation), and even when Angel was a awkward, bumbling and flustered fool, their interactions never felt strained or uncomfortable. This is because they knew each other so well and were so attuned to each other, but also because their relationship was already so well established by the time they realised they had romantic feelings for each other that there was no danger of those feelings complicating or endangering that friendship. It’s why in ‘Spin the Bottle’ (4x06) Angel told Cordelia that she was his dearest friend and he wanted that back. He was able to push aside his romantic feelings and desires because her friendship was more important to him than anything else.

Some may claim it’s weird for two people who referred to each other as family to be in love with each other, but when you’re in love with someone they are your family. The fact that Angel and Cordelia had that kind of connection provided them with the closeness, comfortableness, familiarity and security for those romantic feelings to blossom. Angel, in particular, had an aversion to romance because of The Curse and his experience with Buffy, but he felt so safe with Cordelia that it’s almost like he allowed himself to feel that way about him. Likewise, Cordelia was rather guarded in matters of the heart given her romantic history with Xander, but she felt so safe with Angel that she was able to finally open herself up in that way without even really realising she was. That profound connection between them can’t really be quantified, but can be seen in their actions.

5. ‘You’re not alone’: Emotional connection

When I say that it would do them a disservice to try and box Angel and Cordelia’s relationship into the platonic or romantic arena, that’s because of the emotional connection they shared which extends beyond such labels.

According to Wiki, ‘Emotional intimacy is a psychological event that happens when trust levels and communication between two people are such that it fosters the mutual sharing of one another's deepest selves.’ It involves trust, mutual trust, sense of community, understanding, open communication and sharing a duty. As you read this I’m sure you’re realising that Angel and Cordelia had all of this. They lived in close proximity day after day for years - they worked together, they fought together, they laughed together, they loved the same people (Doyle, Wes, Gunn, Fred, Connor), they grieved together (for Doyle and Connor), they shared the same beliefs and morals and they were united in the same mission to help the helpless. All of this led to them developing a profound emotional connection whereby they came to rely on each other and trust each other, and were able to open up to each other without fear of judgement or rejection (x). Throughout the series Angel and Cordy had multiple heart to hearts in which they confided in each other, encouraged or reassured each other and those talks became more regular as their connection grew. Something as simple as Angel calling Cordelia ‘Cordy’ (which he didn’t do until ATS ‘Are You Now or Have You Ever Been?’ 2x02) demonstrated that developing connection between them.

Again, it would be futile for me to list every example of when Angel and Cordelia had a scene that showed this emotional connection (particularly since you’ll have seen them all if you’ve watched the show), but off the top of my head some key examples would be - Cordelia helped Angel open up about Doyle’s death after Angel accidentally called Wesley Doyle; Cordelia helped Angel to open up about Buffy’s death after he’d spent 3 months trying to come to terms with it; when Cordelia fell ill from a vision Angel reassured her that her value to him wasn’t invested solely in her visions; generally Angel supported Cordelia repeatedly through the trauma of her visions; after Connor was born Angel developed an overly-protective paternal instinct and wouldn’t let anybody hold him, and Cordelia was the first he allowed to hold him; after Connor’s kidnapping Cordelia was able to simply sit with him in the silence and provide the emotional support no one else could and when Angel was insecure about bonding with Connor (after his return) she reassured him he was a capable and loving father. 

Nothing showed the depth of that emotional connection more than the beginning of season 4 when Angel was at the bottom of the ocean. In order to hold on to his sanity, Angel repeatedly dreamt of Cordelia in various romantic scenarios and admitted to Wes and Gunn when he returned that the one thing that had kept him holding on was the thought of returning home to Cordelia. Cordy and his love for her was the tether to his humanity, his hope when everything was hopeless, his light in the dark. 

I could continue exploring this because their emotional connection is demonstrated in nearly every scene they have together, but the point has been made that Angel and Cordelia consistently opened up to one another and were by each other’s sides through the hardest of times. Although they both had the rest of Angel Investigations (Wesley, Gunn, Fred and Lorne), they primarily turned to each other in their time or need or when they were feeling low. They instinctively knew what to do/say to ease each other’s insecurities, fears or anxieties and were each other’s source of emotional strength. What’s even more significant about this is that their connection was so profound, that even those around them noticed it. 

6. ‘It’s the stars’: Everyone can see it

‘Everyone can see it’ is a popular romantic trope whereby a couple are perfect for each other but don’t realise their feelings for one another, but everyone else around them does. This was an integral part of Angel and Cordelia’s relationship since they found it very difficult, as friends, to make sense of their romantic feelings for each other and to acknowledge those feelings.

The first person to notice the chemistry between Angel and Cordelia was Fred in ‘Offspring’ (3x07). After seeing them sparring Fred spoke about kyrumption (two heroes meeting in battle and recognising their same fate) and moira (the gut physical attraction between two larger-than-life souls). Angel’s feelings for Cordelia had already been present long before then, but Fred’s observations provided him with an opportunity to acknowledge them for the first time and reflect on them. 

Lorne being an empath naturally had an insight into Angel’s feelings and in ‘Waiting in the Wings’ (3x13) he revealed that he’d read Angel and knew he had feelings for Cordelia. Like Fred, he also spoke of kyrumption and told Angel that the way he was feeling for Cordelia was real. Lorne consistently was attuned to Angel’s feelings for Cordelia and understood that they’d grown beyond friendship. He also actively encouraged Angel to act on them because he believed Cordelia felt the same way about him and he shouldn’t miss the chance to see what they could be. 

I watched ‘Waiting in the Wings’ with commentary from Whedon last week and in that he explained that the spell was a way for Angel and Cordelia to act on the feelings they had for each other (that they were only just starting to realise) in a way whereby they didn’t actually have to admit that they had those feelings and wanted to act on them (because they were afraid of the consequences). Fred and Lorne’s observations are very much the same - they’re a conduit through which Angel was able to internally explore his growing romantic feelings for Cordy and slowly come to the realisation that he was in love with her. 

7. ‘Were we in love?’: Romantic love

Although I’ve been primarily focused on the general connection between Angel and Cordelia and what they brought to each other’s lives, there was definitely romantic love and attraction between the two of them and it’s important to discuss that.

I think when people compare Angel and Cordy’s relationship to Angel’s relationship with Buffy people feel Angel’s love for Cordelia wasn’t romantic or passionate, but it was, it’s just that the love he had for Cordy and their relationship was so fundamentally different from his relationship with Buffy that the two can’t really be compared. Buffy was Angel’s epic, great love - it consumed him from the inside out, it was intense, passionate and devastating - but Cordy was something entirely different. She wasn’t supposed to be some big epic love, she was supposed to be a friend with whom he developed a strong bond with and slowly came to fall in love with over time. Their love wasn’t characterised by angst-ridden scenes, grand speeches of forbidden love and sexual tension - it was grounded in family, friendship and emotional connection (as I’ve explored above). Their feelings for each other weren’t sudden and didn’t start out big (they truly were just acquaintances at the start of ATS season 1), but as they spent time together, shared experiences and got to know each other, their romantic feelings quietly grew in the background until neither of them could ignore it anymore.

It’s frustrating that we never got a clear admission of love between the two (all of their love confessions were to other people or cut off before they finished), but there is no doubt in my mind that Angel and Cordelia were in love. Their actions proved that and from a personal perspective, I could feel the love between them. Everyone will have different interpretations of when they believe the pair fell in love, but interestingly, I don’t think there’s supposed to be ‘one moment’ that they fell in love, because the whole point of their relationship is that it was never that clear cut. They didn’t go to bed one night as best friends and wake up the next day a think, “I’m in love with Angel/Cordelia!”. It was a subtle evolution of feelings over time, which neither of them truly noticed until it was brought to their attention by others, because they were so used to being friends and navigating within the realms of that, that they didn’t consider the possibility that their feelings could have gone beyond that.

Since ATS was primarily focused on Angel’s POV, it’s very easy to follow Angel’s evolving feelings for Cordelia and attempt to pin-point the moment at which his romantic feelings came to fruition. Like I said, I don’t think there was one particular moment where Angel realised his feelings for Cordelia, but in my opinion, they had definitley developed by ‘Dead End’ (2x18). At the beginning of season 2, Angel had a crisis due to Darla’s return and he fired Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn. It was really the darkest we saw Angel get in ATS whilst he had his soul, he truly lost his way for a while and Cordelia was so hurt and angry by his actions that she couldn’t forgive him. When Angel finally realised he’d made a mistake cutting his friends out of his life, he did everything he could to make amends, but he seemed most affected by the loss of Cordelia’s friendship and he was determined to earn her forgiveness. What’s interesting about this is that at this point one could argue that Angel’s friendship with Cordelia wasn’t that profound and it didn’t particularly matter if they made up, because they still could’ve worked together as co-workers (although it might’ve been a little awkward and uncomfortable). But Angel was adamant that he wanted her friendship back and almost the entirety of ‘Epiphany’ (2x16) was focused on Angel’s desire to make amends with Cordy and his devastation when she refused to accept him back. This continued in ‘Disharmony’ (2x17), with him desperately fighting to earn her forgiveness and ending with him winning Cordelia over by buying her clothes, which he was visibly happy about (x). Angel’s reaction at the prospect of losing Cordelia beckons back to ‘To Shanshu to L.A.’ (1x22) when we witnessed for the first time how scared he was to lose her and also suggests that at this point in season 2 his romantic feelings were developing for her. In the following episode ‘Dead End’ (2x18), he was so focused on making Cordelia feel better (and this was likely a continuation of him making it up to her) that he brought her food and his reaction to her saying she loved him was perhaps the brightest smile I’ve ever seen on Angel’s face (x). In ‘Belonging’ (2x19), Angel’s attraction to Cordelia was made clear when he saw her in a bikini and he also expressed anger at the director of the commercial she was filming for treating her like a ‘commodity’ and a ‘slave’, forcing him to apologise to Cordelia for the way he spoke to her and telling Cordelia he would rip his head off if she wanted him to. When Cordelia was sucked into the portal to Pylea in ‘Over the Rainbow’ (2x20), Angel’s profound emotional connection to Cordelia was clear (x) - he just wanted her back, he didn’t care how or what they had to do and he expressed that he couldn’t lose Cordy again after just getting her back (also that one line, ‘It’s Cordy’, that Angel says to Wesley when he tells Angel it’s too dangerous to go through the portal and they may never get back holds so much emotion). When Cordelia admitted to loving Groo in Pylea, Angel mistakenly thought she was saying it to him and was disappointed to learn otherwise. So basically, by the end of season 2 Angel undoubtedly had romantic feelings for Cordelia, but wasn’t yet aware of them. Season 3 continued to build on that by allowing Angel to heal following Buffy’s death and reach a resolution  in ‘Heartthrob’ (3x01) whereby he could start to process his feelings for Cordy, putting him a situation where he was faced with the prospect of losing her again, therefore cementing the depth of his feelings for her (‘That Vision Thing’ 3x02) and having Fred share her observations about his feelings for her, finally allowing him to fully acknowledge them for the first time. 

From Cordelia’s POV it’s much harder to guess when her romantic feelings for Angel developed, because we didn’t get as much insight into her. I do think her feelings for him didn’t come as soon as Angel’s did for her and neither did the realisation that she felt that way. ‘That Vision Thing’ (3x02) hints that Cordelia’s feelings for Angel may have begun to grow beyond friendship when she said, “If I lose the visions I wouldn't be able to help you anymore. You wouldn't need me.” Notice, Cordelia was concerned with Angel needing her, not the rest of the team. Also, since Angel was so devoted to saving Cordelia and explicitly told her she was more important to him than his vendetta against W&H, we can assume this impacted Cordelia’s feelings towards him since this was perhaps the first time she noticed how committed he was to keeping her safe and how much he wanted her in his life. I also think that witnessing Angel go through the process of becoming a father significantly impacted Cordy’s feelings for Angel. Seeing him take on the role of a father showed an even softer, nurturing side of him and the bond Cordy developed with Connor also brought them closer together. However, ‘Birthday’ (3x11) is the first episode that properly affirms the depth of Cordelia’s feelings for Angel. She was given everything she ever wanted - fame, money, stardom - and she gave it all up to return to Angel. Despite having no memory, upon seeing Angel so broken, Cordelia instinctively leaned in and kissed him fulfilling the old fairy-tale trope of true love’s kiss breaking the spell. I think from Cordelia’s POV, she was much more closed off to allowing herself to acknowledge her romantic feelings for Angel because she didn’t even consider Angel a romantic option given The Curse. This also explains why upon Groo’s return in season 3, she resumed her relationship with him despite having clearly developed profound romantic feelings for Angel that led her to prioritise him above Groo repeatedly to the point that Groo himself noticed that she had feelings for Angel.

This brings me back to the main point about Angel and Cordelia’s romantic feelings for each other never being straightforward or easily defined. In ‘Waiting in the Wings’ (3x13) it was clear - spell or no spell - that Angel and Cordelia shared a mutual sexual attraction and that Angel’s canonically confirmed romantic feelings for Cordelia were reciprocated. Yet Cordelia didn’t confirm her feelings for him explicitly to the audience until 9 episodes later in the finale of the season. This is for a number of reasons, but primarily because it was easier to continue denying their feelings and remain friends than face the complications that a romance posed. Even if they had been given the chance to openly express their feelings for each other, what would’ve happened next? As Angel said to Lorne in ‘Waiting in the Wings’, what could he offer her (as a cursed vampire)? It would’ve been too complicated and they knew that.

That criss-cross and complexity of their love is part of the reason I love them so much, because it’s authentic and relatable. Particularly in the case of friends who have fallen in love - it’s no easy transition and it’s definitely not easy to make sense of your feelings Plus, Angel and Cordy had the added complications that went with their life (Angel being a vampire, The Curse, Darla, their friends, Angel Investigations, W&H and the supernatural world generally, to name a few). In an interview a long time ago SMG said that the most heartbreaking thing about Buffy and Angel was that it was unfulfilled love, and in this respect so are Angel and Cordelia. It’s heartbreaking because they truly loved one another but they were never even given the opportunity to see what they could potentially be. They missed their chance and because of that they were always left wondering ‘what if?’ 

8. ‘I’ll be seeing you’: Missed Opportunity 

The fact that Angel and Cordy never got their shot to be together (which they discussed in ‘You’re Welcome’ 5x11) is the tragedy of their love. However, it wouldn’t be the same love story if it didn’t have that unresolved element to it. Everybody longs for closure and resolution with their ships, but the truth is, in real life few people truly get that, they simply have to move on and live with their regrets. But whilst I love Angel and Cordelia’s relationship and story as it is, there’s no escaping the fact that they were done dirty in seasons 4 and 5 in regards to the writing and as a result their story did go in a...shall we say unfavourable direction? 

Everyone that’s ever watched ATS has problems with season 4 (I could write a separate post about the problems with season 4, particularly in regards to Cordelia’s character), and when it comes to Angel and Cordelia’s relationship, there’s a lot that was handled badly which unfortunately, derailed the beautiful development that took place between them in season 3. We still had a lot of key moments that played out between Angel and Cordelia in season 4, but the main problem with the season is that we don’t actually know when Cordelia was actually Cordelia. At what point was she herself, if she ever was? Did she really have amnesia? If so, can we count amnesia!Cordy as still being Cordy to an extent? When did Jasmine start to take over? Did she have any agency at all when she was possessed by Jasmine, even if it was only the briefest of moments? All of these questions remain unanswered and make it very difficult to fully assess the Angel/Cordelia relationship during season 4, but I’m going to try to anyway. 

What remained clear throughout season 4 was that Angel loved Cordy. In fact, despite Cordelia technically being absent for the majority of the season, it was very Cangel-heavy, perhaps more than the seasons before it. Angel had multiple dreams/fantasies about Cordelia, devoted himself to finding her when she was missing at the start of the season, was visibly distraught to have her lose her memories and strike up a relationship with Connor, and lost his soul from a fantasy of making love to her. In my opinion, this is the season that really affirmed that Angel was in love with Cordy beyond any doubt. When Angel asked Cordelia if they were in love and she replied, “We were”, I strongly believe that was Cordelia. She’d just gotten her memories back so Jasmine hadn’t had chance to worm her way to the forefront yet, and I believe in that moment that was Cordelia finally breaking through and telling Angel that she loved him. Although the circumstances are ambiguous to say the least, I believe this to be the first admission of love exchanged between the two whereby the words were said plainly (because obviously they said ‘I love you’ to each other repeatedly before this moment in other ways). However, this doesn’t undo the dirty that was done to Angel and Cordelia in this season. Despite the fact that we know Cordelia wasn’t responsible for any of her actions since she was possessed by Jasmine, it’s still very hard when watching her with Connor to separate Jasmine from Cordelia. And from Angel’s perspective, he literally watched the woman he loved have sex with his son. Finding out afterwards that it wasn’t actually Cordelia doesn’t reduce the devastating impact of witnessing that and the way the Cordelia!Jasmine arc was written did taint some aspects of their relationship by forcing Angel to have to witness ‘Cordelia’ enter into a romantic relationship with Connor and have a child with him. Also, it was utterly ridiculous and unbelievable that Angel and co. wouldn’t recognise that Cordy wasn’t herself. This is definitely a writing issue, because the whole possession thing was handled so badly in the respect that Cordelia seemed like herself (even her sleeping with Connor was believable due to her amnesiac state), but it was still not in-keeping with the show that none of her friends (and especially Angel) would notice that Cordelia was possessed. Overall, season 4 did a huge disservice to Angel and Cordelia’s romance (although the biggest disservice was definitely done to Cordelia’s character) and whilst their relationship was beautifully developed in seasons 1-3, season 4 stopped that development in its tracks. 

Season 5 continued to do a disservice to Cordelia (and Angel and Cordelia) by practically erasing Cordy from existence (I know that backstage issues with the cast need to be taken into consideration here, but the lack of consideration to Cordelia’s character is still a valid point to discuss). Despite how utterly terrified Angel was whenever faced with the prospect of losing Cordelia, in season 5 he was visibly fine about Cordelia being in a coma and wasn’t even attempting to pull her out of it. The fact that Angel (and co.) would simply stand by and go on with the rest of their lives without devoting every single second to waking Cordy  is ridiculous and completely OOC for all of them. Angel, Wes, Gunn, Fred, Lorne and Cordy were deeply connected and would have done anything for each other, and there’s no way they would’ve given up on Cordy like that. But back to the point, despite Angel being in love with Cordelia throughout season 4, there was no reference to his feelings for her until ‘You’re Welcome’ (5x11). Now, don’t get me wrong, I love that episode and I always will, but I also can’t help but notice how out of place that episode feels within the rest of the season. In the episodes leading up to it Cordelia was barely mentioned and in the episodes afterwards, her death was completely ignored with only a few passing references from Angel near the end of the season (don’t even get me started on the fact that she didn’t even get a funeral. What the hell was that all about?!?!? This is Cordy.) Furthermore, Angel reverted back to being actively in love with Buffy (particularly in ‘The Girl in Question’ 5x20, which is honestly such a bad episode, I can’t even) with no consideration given to the fact that he had feelings for Cordelia. Personally, I believe all of these consistencies come from fan pandering - the reaction to Angel and Cordelia becoming a couple was very negative so they reverted back to the Angel/Buffy relationship because it was so popular and well-loved. But back to, ‘You’re Welcome’, the episode definitely redeemed some of what was done to Cordelia (and her relationship with Angel) by giving her/them a satisfying ending after an horrendous season 4, but nothing can truly make up for the fact that Angel and Cordelia’s relationship was so abruptly ended in the manner it was. It also can’t make up for the fact that we missed out on two entire seasons worth of development that we would’ve potentially got if the Jasmine plot hadn’t taken place (again, I understand this was largely down to behind-the-scenes complications with Charisma and Whedon). 

These flaws in the writing (and execution of the relationship) in seasons 4 and 5 is far and above my biggest criticism of Angel and Cordelia’s relationship as a whole (although it’s a criticism of the writers more so than Cordelia and Angel or David and Charisma). It never would have made sense for Angel and Cordy to have a plain sailing fairy-tale romance, but they had so much more potential and could have grown to become something even more beautiful if season 4 had continued to build upon their development from seasons 1-3. ‘You’re Welcome’ perfectly demonstrates the potential they had and what they could’ve become if Cordelia hadn’t been possessed by Jasmine. And that was only a taster and we could’ve had, we could’ve so much more. In my opinion, there were no limits on where their relationship could have been taken since it was so well written, built-up and established leading up to season 4. The fact that we’ll never know how the relationship would’ve played out if it had continued is sad, but as I said, that missed chance that they had is key to Angel and Cordelia’s relationship. It’s the one that got away, the love that could never be and that one person whom we always wonder, “What if?” about. 

9. ‘There are no people like us’: Why Angel/Cordelia are misunderstood and live in Buffy/Angel’s shadow

The final section I wanted to do is an exploration of the reasons why I feel Cordelia and Angel are misunderstood as a ship and how I believe this primarily stems from the fact that they live in Buffy/Angel’s shadow. This is where I’ll be comparing Angel/Cordelia and Buffy/Angel, so if you’re a fan of Buffy/Angel, you may not want to read this final section. However, this isn’t anti-Buffy/Angel, it’s really me working through my own thoughts and feelings as both a Buffy/Angel and a Angel/Cordelia shipper (yes, we exist haha). 

People have a tendency to make comparisons between the Angel/Cordelia and Buffy/Angel relationship two relationships, when in reality (as I’ve mentioned above) the two aren’t really comparable. Angel’s relationships with Buffy and Cordelia were distinctive, took place under completely different circumstances and brought different things to his life. Angel was fully engaged in a romantic relationship with Buffy for 2 years (on and off), but he never had the opportunity to do that with Cordelia. The romantic feelings were there, as was the potential for them to act on that and see what they could be, but it didn’t happen. So to compare the two relationships (when technically Angel and Cordy never entered into a romantic relationship) is futile to say the least. However, people naturally make those comparisons and when they do they seem to come up with two key reasons Angel/Cordelia are inferior to Buffy/Angel:

1. Sexual relationship/chemistry - It hasn’t escaped my attention that Buffy and Angel have a lot more sexual chemistry than Angel and Cordelia. Honestly, in my opinion, nothing can really compare to SMG/David chemistry, it’s so damn good. However, this criticism simply fails to understand that Angel and Cordelia’s love/connection never was primarily one of a sexual nature (notice that every fantasy Angel ever had of Cordelia was romantic not sexual). Romance was definitely part of their relationship (particularly in seasons 3, 4 and 5) and they had an attraction and they had chemistry (’Waiting in the Wings’ damn well proved that), but their relationship was never about sex. In comparison to Angel and Buffy, their relationship was deeply rooted in attraction. From the moment they meet each other they’re very physically attracted to each other and in seasons 1 and 2 they both make references made to how badly they want to kiss each other whenever they’re together, whilst in season 3 they discuss the difficulties they find in fighting against their sexual attraction to each other. As a result, Angel and Buffy’s relationship was always heavily steeped in sexual tension. The fact that Angel and Cordelia’s relationship didn’t have the same level of sexual attraction doesn’t make that relationship any less important, just different (which I know I keep saying, but it’s kind of my whole argument here - the two relationships are so fundamentally different you can’t compare them). 

2. Buffy is Angel’s one and only true love - There’s no denying that Buffy was and always will be Angel’s great love, but to quote one of my not-so-favourite shows (The Vampire Diaries), contrary to popular belief, people can (and usually do) have more than one great love in their lives. Clinging too tightly to the Buffy/Angel relationship ignores the immense changes Angel undergoes on ATS and the fact he moved on from Buffy (up until Spike’s return in season 5, which reverts him back to being kind of obsessed with Buffy, which is such bad writing and so inconsistent that it annoys me. And this isn’t  including crossovers either, because damn, they’re so problematic/inconsistent and I didn’t even realised until I watched ATS, but I can see now why the writers didn’t want to do too many crossovers despite the fans wanting them). Buffy was always in Angel’s heart and he always carried her with him, but he didn’t actively pine over her or yearn for her when he moved to L.A. (he did more so in season 1 and particularly after the events of ‘I Will Remember You’, but he slowly moved on). Angel conclusively and healthily moved on from Buffy - he established a life for himself which he loved and made him happy, he found a home, friends and embarked on a new love with Cordy. When two people have shared a love like Angel did with Buffy, it never goes away but it does change and it almost grows dormant (for reference, there’s a brilliant meta that discusses Angel moving on from Buffy which you can read here). To use a real life example here, my mom (who’s now 50) has been in around 5 serious long-term relationships in her life and has been with her current partner for 5 years and is completely in love with him. However, she’s openly admitted to me that she loved my dad more than she’s ever loved any man and she still regards him the love of her life. That doesn’t mean she’s still in love with him, because she’s not. She hasn’t seen him in two decades, she’s moved on and she’s found love with someone new. That love she had with him is a memory in her head and her heart, but it has no place in her life now. She’s a different person, her life has changed dramatically and that love is in the past. If he rocked up now he’d be a stranger to her and regardless of those memories she has of him, he’s no longer the person she’s in love with. That’s exactly what happened with Buffy and Angel. They always loved each other, but Angel truly did move forward (whether Buffy moved on is something I’m less unsure of). In ‘Heartthrob’ (3x01) Angel told James that he’d lost the woman he loved (Buffy) and that he had loved her with his whole heart. In response, James said that that couldn’t be true because if it was, when she had died Angel would’ve died along with her. After that, in a scene with Cordy (x), Angel admitted that he was okay and had dealt with Buffy’s death and how he felt guilty about that. In my opinion, this episode (and those scenes in particular) confirmed that Angel had moved on from Buffy and had gotten to a place where he could finally open himself up to Cordelia wholeheartedly. In fact, David spoke about how Angel had moved on from Buffy and that Cordy was what he needed (he also mentioned Darla, which is a topic I won’t get into because I could write an entirely separate post about that too) and here’s what he said: 

Interviewer: Darla killed herself, right? The baby's mother? Who's gonna step up and help Angel raise the baby? Buffy?

David: God, no. Buffy's pretty much out of the picture. They've played their storyline and that's just the past. I think between Cordelia and Fred he'll be mommied to death. But, Buffy's just the past.

Interviewer: Oh, come on. Buffy can never really be just the past, can she? I mean, that's Angel's soulmate.

David: I think Darla was probably his soulmate. I mean, they spent a hundred years together, then made a baby. You can't just--

Interviewer: Well, then Buffy was his first love.

David: Angel was Buffy's first love, but Angel loved Darla in a sick way.

Interviewer: I'm a Buffy/Angel fan. Sorry.

David: You're forgiven. No, I'm just saying that the two shows are on different networks and it's not gonna happen. There's no more story there for those two. Buffy isn't Angel's priority anymore. In season one and two of our show, she was always in the back of his mind, well, now it's all about the baby and Buffy is just, well, she's just a person he used to know.

Interviewer : Awww, come on! The story there was so incredible.

David: And like every good story, it came to an end. And then started over. On. Different. Networks. (again with the emphasis)

Interviewer : Is Angel going to hook up with Cordy?

David: Well, I'm all for it. I don't know what the writers have planned in that regard, but I'm a fan of Charisma's work and I'd love for our characters to be romantically involved. Cordy is really what Angel needs, I believe. (x)

See, it’s important to acknowledge that as amazing as Buffy and Angel’s story was, they broke up and went their separate ways. As David rightfully pointed out, it was the past and Buffy was no longer his priority. It’s always frustrated me that Angel was expected not to move on and to pine for Buffy, whilst Buffy was allowed to move on and find love again. The argument is that Angel was so much older than Buffy that he couldn’t or rather shouldn’t want to find love, whilst Buffy was still young, but the problem is, although Angel was technically old, he was still a teenager himself in terms of his experiences in love. He didn’t have a soul for 100 years so was incapable of love and then he spent 100 years when he had a soul cut off from the world. He had barely experienced anything the world had to offer and he certainly hadn’t had the opportunity to forge connections with others or explore the world of love. Buffy was able to move on from Angel and experience different types of relationships/loves with Parker (urgh), Riley and Spike (amongst others who she flirted with or briefly dated post-BTVS season 3). Angel deserved the same opportunity to experience new types of relationships that were different than the one he had with Buffy. I’m going to use another quote The Vampire Diaries because I feel it sums this up perfectly, “I realised that I may not be able to explain what I feel for her, but it is something, and, yeah, maybe all love isn't true love in the messed up way that you and I have experienced it, but I think this could turn into something even better.” This right here is exactly how I perceive Angel’s feelings for Buffy and Cordelia to be. Angel had only ever loved one person, Buffy was all he’d ever known of love and it was so big, messy and all-consuming , but with Cordelia he realised that love didn’t necessarily have to be like that and that there are different types of love. 

There’s no disputing that Angel never loved Cordelia in the same way he loved Buffy (which this post explains perfectly) - Angel will never love anyone the way he loved Buffy, but he did fall in love with Cordelia and she enriched his life in new ways and filled a void in him in much the same way Buffy did. During ATS Cordelia surpassed Buffy in importance simply because of the place she had in Angel’s life - she was the center of his world and without her it wouldn’t be the same (we saw that in season 5). It would be unfair to claim Angel couldn’t or shouldn’t love someone else just because he had such an intense love with Buffy. What makes his relationship with Cordelia so special is that it was so different than the love he had with Buffy. Those two loves will always sit in contrast to each other, but will never overshadow or replace one another because they’re both significant and special for different reasons. 

The point of talking about this was really just to highlight that Angel and Cordelia’s relationship is not by any means invalid or inferior because of Buffy/Angel. Both relationships are important and exist in contrast to each other. Angel and Cordelia’s relationship does tend to be misunderstood and/or unappreciated due to the nature of the writing (which had a lot of problems in seasons 4 and 5, and even a little in season 3) and because they’re too heavily compared to the hot and heavy romance between Angel and Buffy. However, Angel and Cordelia’s relationship developed organically over time in a subtle way and is demonstrative of how much relationships can evolve as life progresses and circumstances change, and how two people can grow together. Theirs was a story about two people, who in the beginning were indifferent to each other, but grew to know each other profoundly and found a lot through being in each others lives - purpose, belonging, family, friendship and love - and through having and sharing that, they fell in love. It’s not a conventional romantic love as most of us would expect, and they didn’t have the chances to fully explore their romantic connection because their story ended prematurely, but it was a beautiful relationship embedded in human connection and friendship at the deepest and purest level.

If you got to the end of this, thank you so much for reading. This took me days and days to write and edit, so I’m really grateful to you for reading and would appreciate likes/reblogs if you found this interesting. I’d also love to hear your thoughts on this topic, so if you have any feel free to stop by my ask box :)

[tinkdw]

hi tink ^_^ was wondering if you think both endgame human!cas and endgame angel!cas are both valid interpretations? im genuinely interested as I can't see the whole human!cas being a thing, and I'm open to learn more if you think that's what is actually going to happen. idk his experience as a human was miserable, i feel like maybe im missing something?? :0 u dont have to answer this if u dont want, as it may cause wank. ty

Hi!

Here’s my “overall” Cas meta from a while ago, nothing’s changed and a few other meta writers added to it so it’s a good view I think as to the whole concept:

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/165781313412/why-do-you-think-cas-should-becomechoose-to-be

It’s a really crappy topic for divisiveness, in my experience the people who have, relatively, as much as possible, objectively analysed the author intent in the show have come to a pretty solid conclusion within the meta community that Human!Cas appears to be endgame based not on his experience as a human but the outcome, his overall arc since season 4 and the Chekhovs gun style flamingly blatant reminders throughout the show such as the repeated asking him if he wouldn’t rather be human, his choosing to be an Angel to go into battle powerful enough to save the people he loves and putting what he wants to one side and his clearly not wanting to be a soldier anymore.

It’s kind of like saying endgame Dean is for him to be emancipated and being able to openly watch Oprah and Disney etc even though on the surface he says he doesn’t like that stuff. Because the pretty obvious sublimation is there.

With Cas the sublimation isn’t quite as clear but it’s really all there. Yes he suffered as a human but he literally came out of it and said he missed it, while previous to being human he was curious and wanted to try human things (eg kissing meg) and afterwards we’ve seen him actively choosing to act more human, smiting less and fist fighting instead, acting more human, I mean the big one for me was when Dean asked him “and you’re okay with that?!” When he told him he got grace back to be able to fight and he just totally brushed it off saying he needed it to fight:

https://tinkdw.tumblr.com/post/171244776157/kanayaks-tinkdw-cas-i-got-my-grace-back-i

He later takes more grace which he had been previously rejecting but only to save Dean and then took his own grace back when again it’s needed for a fight whilst telling us the quote that the craziest thing a man can do is die.

He’s literally saying he’s killing himself / his wants for the greater good.

He needs grace for the fight and to be a good useful soldier and to save his family but does he want it?

Want v Need.

One of the biggest themes of the show.

Cas needs his grace to be useful when times are hard but is that what he wants?

In my opinion the show has repeatedly emphasised that it isn’t. I also think it’s clear he doesn’t want to be a soldier anymore and these things go hand in hand.

Others may use canon to say they think it is. Both interpretations are totally valid as long as they are based on canon and actually analysing the canon in a consistent manner.

The issue I have is certain people cherry picking and projecting their stories into it and claiming it’s an overall Cas’ arc since inception meta. That’s just not how meta writing works.

You can absolutely write that stuff but you can’t claim it’s objective and fully inclusive of canon and logical when it is just picking parts that fit your own desire for the character. Like, I didn’t want Lucifer to be centre stage in s13 but I didn’t just ignore it when it was.

Cherry picking things ie the one time Cas said “I just wanna be an Angel” when he was depressed, distraught at Dean’s death and wanted to stop feeling things as proof it’s what he really wants isn’t what I’d call meta writing of the whole story. That’s like saying Sam really wants to be a hunter and tag along beside his brother in the impala on the road for the rest of his life because he was a depressed, vengeful mess after Jess’ death and said ok let’s go. Is it really what Sam wants for himself and the rest of his life though? No way! That’s been clear too.

Even worse when some people claim to be bullied or triggered by other view points. Someone even screenshotted a few sentences I wrote that if you took away the top and bottom sentence looked like I was making no sense and anti Cas (me anti Cas. Lmao) but in the context obviously made sense and decided to create a wank storm about it because they didn’t like human cas meta and wanted to make me look bad. People need to grow up. This isn’t a meta discussion about interpretation it’s being a dick and being unable to contemplate another interpretation.

It makes a discussion totally impossible which moots the entire point of blogging on tumblr in the first place.

Absolutely all interpretations are valid, it’s just a case of how you pitch your interpretation. If you want to state your interpretation of a character absolutely go for it! I used to be all up for Angel!Cas meta until a few utter assholes decided to be personal and ridiculous about it. Now I don’t touch it with a barge pole. Same as M*gstiel.

But that doesn’t invalidate anyone’s good, thought out, canon analysing endgame Angel!Cas meta.

For example my own interpretation of the siren episode is different to many other meta writers, we can discuss it and have polite and great conversations without getting triggered / defensive because we aim to discuss author intent, our own interpretations and do so in a civil manner. There’s one meta writer in particular I’ve had altercations with in the past over some differences of opinion on speculative things and ways of writing meta but who I get on well with, admire and like talking to because we are adults and literally get over it.

There’s also a few people who unfortunately though I agree meta wise about things on the show have been so nasty irl to myself and others that I’ve cut them off completely.

Interpretations are interpretations until they are canon, I’m lucky that most of mine have become so or are clearly on their way but I can also be wrong ie I thought Asmodeus would be more important to character exposition than he was, life moves on. I also didn’t realise quite what it would mean that he would be a Bucklemming own concept and not really used by anyone else, I thought perhaps he’d be used by others by the wasn’t, now I have that knowledge in my pocket meta on anything that sets up for Bucklemming use is kinda meh don’t bother analysing it much it’s probably not hugely important to the overall story being told by the showrunner, ie Nick.

All interpretations are valid is very true. Eg. I can interpret Cas’ story as a metaphor for a queer kid (and in particular trans) coming from a conservative family and emancipating themselves and someone else can interpret it as an immigrants story.

If the show starts changing this then I will change my meta, because my meta is an analysis of what the show is doing, not what I want. For example I never wanted Dean to be queer representation, I was totally heteronormative and would have been totally cool with him ending up alone or with a woman, it’s the show that made me want something different for him through consistent and repeated canon blatant hints at something else. Same as Cas, I was totally ready in season 4 to just like him as a cool character and for him to bog off back to Heaven after being useful but he was captivating as an ally and it grew from there. For ages I would totally have put to one side the hints at a romantic part of his story and loved for him to become the third brother, it’s the show that made me see more between him and Dean, I never would have imagined that myself, I was a boring heterormative adult more interested in the individual characters’ stories than shipping, I thought shipping was just maritime transferral of goods before I was like wtf and googled Destiel after 10x05 cos I’d finally found a name for what I’d been seeing evolve for 6 years.

Sam goes for Cas’ own individual arc and what he wants. I never had a clue what I wanted from him until the show told me what I should want by repeating something clearly over 10 years. If they suddenly change any part of the story then they change it (and I’ll be annoyed they changed something so entrenched but I’m not going to bitch @ tptb for it or whatever, it’s their choice, they’re the creator and once it’s changed I’ll meta that) but so far it’s been the same, clear story to me for 10 years.

An interpretation is an interpretation but it’s when you start, as I do and some others do, saying you believe this one is the authors intention that you have to be more careful about backing it up with canon and logic and not getting #triggered when someone disagrees.

If you’re going to pitch it as what you believe the author intent is then you have to leave your personal projections at the door and work solely based on the canon, the production, what the author may have said outside of canon etc. It has nothing to do with your own wants for the character or show.

It also means when someone has valid canon supported arguments to the contrary you can have a really interesting discussion and I love that.

[itsthescienceside]

Ice Tier List

Summer is coming so I thought I'd analyse this years ice meta for all your beverage cooling needs.

S tier: Crescents

I know what you're thinking "you mean the dumb cloudy ice that comes out of my fridge?" Yes. I mean that perfectly shaped masterpiece of coolant technology. Theyre easy to make, have a good surface area to volume ratio, and because of their unique shape, they have the ability to stack well to fit a lot of ice in a cup while still maintaining the flow of liquid.

A tier: Tubes

These are the perfect balance of flavor preservation and cooling speed due to their high surface area to volume ratio. Their rounded shape and holes also allow for transfer of liquid into the mouth no matter how much ice is in the way. They are a bit more difficult to make however as they have round shapes inscribed in each individial unit. You may only have access to these types of ice in some expensive restaurants.

B tier: Ice tray cubes

These are, on their own, just middle of the road ice cubes; however, they have the unique attribute of being able to be made of liquids other than pure water, completely nullifying the need for a way to avoid dilution of the drink. You want iced coffe but still want it strong? Freeze some of it in ice trays and you have permenantly strong iced coffe. These cubes are only held back by their shape which we'll get into later in the list.

C tier: nuggets

These are the tiny little cylinders that chick-fil-a gives you. They have pretty good liquid flow dispite their required abundance in a drink, and cool your drink almost instantly, but are held back because of their absurdly high surface area to volume ratio. This causes the ice to melt quickly, completely diluting your drink in seconds. They also are a surefire way to get ripped off on how much liquid you are given since they fill up most of the container they are put in since they are so small.

D tier: Cubes

The classics; so low? Yep. They are good for one thing, keeping your drink cold for a long time, making them ideal for slowly sipping iced tea while sitting on your porch, but beside that they are terrible. Their large size and hitbox shape makes them take considerably longer to cool your drink. Their shape also causes them to stick together in the bottom of the cup, lowering efficiency of cooling and making that annoying moment when you have to carefully hit the bottom of the glass to get one cube out, only to have the depths of icy hell released all over your face.

F tier: the ice sphere

These look cool. Thats all. The sphere shape is the least efficient to stack. Only allowing for one to fit in the cup. This paired with their commonly large size makes them terrible for cooling anything in fewer than thirty minutes. With cubes you at least have the slight benefit of the corners melting slightly faster, giving a small boost of initial cooling, but with a sphere, the entire shape melts slowly.

G tier: shaved ice

These are terrible. They melt and dilute your drink immediately, clog your straw causing you to drink sharp ice shards, and then freeze back together stopping all liquid flow and causing a huge ugly lump of ice that is too large and uncomfortable to consume after the drink is over.

Z tier: plastic reusable fruit shaped ice.

These arent ice. They dont cool your drink. Why would you even need reusable ice. Its literally just water. The only thing these do is make the drink taste like frozen peas and stale tamales. Dont buy these. You shouldnt have to buy ice at all. If you have these in your freezer throw them away immediately. They suck.

[mc-slowwalker]

I do not accept anything cc!wilbur says about canon ages ever that is the worst thing he ever said by far. he said revivebur was straight?!??!! no wayyy

oh my god today’s lore stream I saw c!sapnap go to c!tommy’s house for spider eyes and was so fucking afraid for shroud like I was ready to go into the dsmp myself to stop c!sapnap from killing shroud. I am emotionally attached to minecraft mobs 😃😃😃

oh man I am so looking forward to c!dream getting out cause I wanna see just how he’s doing and what he’s going to do. like he’s obviously not going to be better and neither are his attachment issues but he’s also not going to be in a position to complete his plan and I can’t wait to find out what he does. and if he is way too messed up to do anything at all, I wonder what the servers reaction will be

dentists!! omg dentists that would be so funny

oooh true I hadn’t thought about that ! I wonder what motivated them all to be there. it makes me wonder what every characters individual views on c!dream are. like we learned form today’s lore stream that c!sapnap tends to blame everything on him because it’s the easy solution I think and anything else would force him to confront the fact that’s it’s not actually that simple. oh man today’s lore stream made c!george so interesting like did he think he was dreaming and just didn’t care or doesn’t care because he know he’ll just dream again or just finds reality boring but I just know it’s all cause cc!george is just memeing😭😭😭 another thing I want is c!punz lore we’ll get c!dream lore before that😭😭 at least there’s wilbur’s 12 planned lore streams to look forward to 😌😌

it’s definitely way easier to write about stuff you’re passionate about but every time I see that ask I’m like 1000 words how??? still can’t believe it’s the minecraft roleplay I’m analysing to this extent

Canon ages my fucking beloathed. Personally I treat dream smp like that one mario theory where they’re all actors and so on the weekends they just chill and play sports and stuff. Not sure what it has to do with canon ages but if mario is an ageless immortal I think c!Tubbo can be too. Do you think anyone on the smp knows about the fact that tumblr has for the most part accepted that the dream smp is a homonormative society or-

Ngl when I’m watching lore I’m only looking at the screen 5% of the time so I dont know where they are half the time so I actually missed the part where they were near tommy’s house but meta wise I’m upset /j

I’m looking forward to dream getting out but I don’t want it to be too soon. While I think the prison arc has gone on for a while with not a lot of progress I want at least 7 more prison podcasts any less and I will riot

You know those dream smp citizen memes? I had a veterinarian character thing planned but now I think it would be 1000% funnier to make a dream smp dentist because for SURE those dudes have fucked up teeth and I think I will actually make one after this ajdhkf

You know a lot of people jumped on c!sapnap for that and while I celebrate getting the “everyone blames c!dream for everything” I also feel like sapnap was lowkey justified in thinking that? I mean tommy did just get rejected from kinoko kingdom, but c!dream is one of the only people who have been openly antagonistic towards el rapids. And while sapnap jumped on dream fast, he seemed to accept that quackity may have done it when mexican dream said he did. This may be meta on cc!sapnap’s part on accident but I’m going to add it to my reasons thatI apologize for c!sapnap. Just realized I’m a dream smp character centrist going dark dont hmu

I’m actually really happy with the direction george has taken his character because it guves him a canonical reason to fuck around and be stupid which good for him! ALSO c!punz lore??? Hello are you still a spy king???? How are you feeling after the egg shit? Where are you living? C!punz please come back to us

They really did something special with dream smp. Reminds me of dnd almost. New way of telling stories, new medium, new visuals, and etc. also I for sure prefer light hearted (to an extent) take on stuff. Also because it’s minecraft roleplay they can’t take themselves too seriously which is the biggest issue I have with most tv shows

[sonreiv]

i absolutely despise when ppl paint katsuki as an abuser when horikoshi doesn't even say he's an abuser. Bullying and Abusing has some similar aspects but they are different at the end of it. Katsuki is. a. bully. Izuku recognizes that Katsuki is a jerk and what he did was wrong/bad (and he actually has stated that he hates katsuki, twice) but still sees his strong qualities that make him admire him

(This ask has been sitting in my drafts for the longest time and I thought with the upcoming episodes it was the perfect time to stop procrastinating and finally finish it. Sorry for the wait, nony! I mostly agree with you, but I want to further discuss some points so I hope you don’t mind I got a bit lenghty. You got me an excuse to ramble up some meta haha.)

A TL;DR beforehand: canon analysis supports that Katsuki should not be interpreted as an abuser, but an early bully at most. I also did a little analysis on the early middle school chapter and how it shows BNHA’s society/the peers Deku and Katsuki grew up around set up a bullying enticing enviroment, and how bad translations have us interpret their relationship as more aggravating than it really is - Deku NEVER said he hates Katsuki, for instance. Not once.

I agree that Katsuki is not to be interpreted as an abuser. He does not want to pursue Deku in order to hurt him; instead, he wants to push Deku away from himself. There’s a difference between “I want to possess you, to make you stay around me and hurt you emotionally and physically” - and “I don’t want anything to do with you, go away, don’t interact with me or else”. The first one is abuse. The second one is what Katsuki felt about Deku for most of his life (albeit very simplified). At the times when Katsuki did hurt him - threatening him in middle school, getting out of hand during the heroes vs villains team trial, punching him during the end of the term exam, etc - was because he felt threatened; so his response was to push him away with violence, with an attempt at “teaching” Deku to stay away from his lane.

This is not to defend Katsuki’s actions; this is only a reasoning, not an excuse. His violent behavior towards Deku is still inexcusable. I only want to make clear there’s a difference between “I want to go out of my way to hurt you” and “I will smack you if you push me”, even if his concept of being pushed is distorted to his own experience and it still does not make his violent actions okay. He fears and despises what Deku did at those times: talking to Katsuki as if Katsuki isn’t on the pedestal he grew up believing he was on. This is the core of Katsuki’s feelings. He does not want to abuse Deku. He wanted him to go away, and he WOULD physically/verbally assault him if that meant pushing Deku away from him. And the rest of his threats/aggressive banter is just really how he talks to everyone else.

Even in canon it’s explicitly stated Deku was the one who insisted on following him because of his admiration, and that was what Katsuki couldn’t stand; he wanted him to be away.

And that was way before. The game is changing, and the development of their relationship is one of the core points of the series. Katsuki recognized him as someone who is not allowed to lose, someone worthy of All Might’s trust, and just very slowly started talking to Deku like he does to everyone else.

I also believe that affirming Katsuki would be an abuser in a romantic relationship with Deku misses the point if the person is okay with it if it’s a friendship/platonic relationship, or if they ship Katsuki with other people. Someone who is abusive does not isolate their behavior to one single person, nor does abuse happen only in romantic relationships. Abusive friendships exist. If one thinks katsudeku is okay as long as it’s platonic, if they believe in their growth and healing enough to believe they can start and share a healthy friendship, then the same should be applied to a romantic relationship. Also if Katsuki were to be an abusive partner to Deku, he’d be the same to other partners. If he were to be emotionally manipulative, possessive, constantly putting him down and hurting him while also keeping him - he’d do it to any other partners. The thing is people who ship katsudeku usually don’t ship it hc'ing that Katsuki keeps his ill behavior towards Deku in the relationship - we cherish the character’s growth and development. The canon Katsuki, the Katsuki with the bad behavior in the older chapters, as stated above, didn’t even wish to keep Deku around as a peer, let alone to form some kind of deeper bond. The romantic katsudeku ship I personally want is the kind where Katsuki grows and changes (as it’s slowly happening in canon) enough past his insecurities towards Deku to be okay with approaching him like he does to other peers. No possessiveness, no emotional abuse, because I personally don’t see that coming from him.

Since we got to this point, something interesting and relevant that I don’t usually see being pointed out is that in the very beginning of the story, it wasn’t only Katsuki opposing to the idea Deku could enter UA while being quirkless. The entire class laughed at him, and the teacher didn’t bat an eye.

This is not to gloss over the fact Katsuki did show unexcusable behavior towards Deku, but I think the scene was set up that way to show it was not only Katsuki’s isolated behavior, but the system, BNHA’s society is shaped to mock and discourage individuals who believe they can become heroes or achieve certain things despite the conditions of their quirk(lesness). The way the society is shaped was Deku’s childhood bully. He was mocked by his peers as young as 4, while at the same time Katsuki was put in a pedestal because of his quirk - which led to his massive ego complex. We can’t analyse their personalities and relationship without taking in account the context they grew up in. Many people frame Katsuki as the single-handed culprit for Deku’s bullying background without taking this whole context into account, while also casting Deku the role of a submissive, persecuted victim when he deliberately chose to stick around Katsuki, and just generally shows to be a character with a lot more agency than that.

And what’s interesting in this scene is that Katsuki didn’t laugh along with everyone else when Deku says he wants to apply and he might have a chance. Because Katsuki takes that seriously. He takes that as a personal offence. The whole point of Katsuki’s ill feelings towards Deku were always that he

feels as Deku is mocking his efforts by believing that himself, a quirkless boy who didn’t do any kind of physical preparation for a heroics course - has chances of becoming a hero as much as Katsuki, who is a born genius AND presumably prepared himself to apply to UA, with training and studying, going as far as scolding his colleague for smoking because he wanted a clean student record.

he feels threatened by Deku because ever since they were kids, as much as Deku admired him, he also saw Katsuki as someone who was able to get hurt and could have a hand offered to like anyone else; Deku saw him as superior in terms of skill, but an equal as a human being, while all the other kids did not. And that made Katsuki not stand him. Because he’s scared of being anything less than the very best, he’s scared of being someone who can be offered help - in his eyes, someone who can be pitied and looked down onto.

And that’s why he reacts with hostility. He wants to intimidate Deku out of even trying to apply to UA. It’s even stated by Katsuki’s colleagues he got out of hand this time, implying it’s not normal behavior for Katsuki (and I’ve seen people saying it was confirmed by Horikoshi himself, though I don’t have sources so don’t quote me on that). Again, he will only seriously smack Deku down if he feels threatened. He does not go out of his way to put him down on a daily basis because he doesn’t want to interact with Deku to begin with.

Also, Deku actually never stated he hates Katsuki. Not once. What he actually says is closer to “he may be a jerk, but-”, which is how the official english translation translated it, as seen above (stole the picture from this post by @kiraelric because it’s where I found it faster :P). Here’s a post explaining it, and I quote @sugarmagic who gently broke down the first panel - which FA translated as “I hate his guts” - for me:

Basically the word 嫌う, the verb form is “to hate” but 嫌な奴 is “unlikable/disagreeable guy.” So what I’m pretty sure happened is that they didn’t realize な was modifying the word to be an adjective. It’s not describing Deku’s feelings, it’s describing Kacchan’s character. The reading of the kanji is written as “iyana yatsu,” versus “Kacchan ga kurai” which really would be “I hate Kacchan”. Then again, even if they read it that way, the furigana explicitly shows the reading, so I don’t even know what they were thinking.

 The translation group Fallen Angels takes way too much freedom and completely distorts some lines, and the dislike of Bakugou/his relationship with Deku in the western fandom was heavily influenced by interpreting it via FA’s aggravated translations. I had people who know japanese tell me how gratuitously innacurate the translations are - as an example, FA translates Deku thinking Katsuki is difficult to deal with as Deku thinking Katsuki causes him to be aware of his own flaws (source). The translations paint Bakugou’s character and his relationships, specially with Deku, unnecessarily harsher than they really are. In fact, something the localisation usually fails to translate is how Bakugou’s “die!” and similar threats are not be taken as seriously in japanese as one would in english - but rather pretty immature and petty (source).

So! If you read up to this point and you’re interested in reading other meta on Katsuki and Deku’s characters and relationship, you should check @explodo-smash’s meta tag. They’re a pretty smart team and can explain/analyse things better than me - in fact their meta helped me a lot understand better their dynamics post my bloody Fallen Angel readings. That’s all for today, and thank you for taking the time to read.

[bunbunsie]

Im in the KatsuDeku mood lately. Must be the hype for the fight with All Might. Gonna write something for them

I think Katsudeku is the first ship I've ever shipped out of spite

Hell, I took an interest in them before I even read the manga. First, they look nice together (how shallow!)Second, In my simple mind at that time, they have the basic Rival chemistry like Naruto and Sasuke, which I like. And I read somewhere that Katsuki has some sort of inferiority complex toward Izuku, which I also like. Third, I saw someone said they only like "healthy ship" when they are asked about their fave pairs in BNHA. And Finally, there were people keep calling throwing the word abusive around in their tag

Instant pissed off. And also curious

And so it begun my time of digging up any metas I can have my hand on about these two dorks , read 147 chapters in two fucking days so I can understand their relationship better before I decided whether I commited my soul to this pair or not.And End of Term arc and Their second fight had cemented my love for them. Katsuki became my favorite son (who doesnt love a multilayers angsty character with future possible beautiful redemption arc??) Their relationship is beyond complicated, exceed my expectation and so analysing-worthy. And there are so many things for fanfic writers to explore, not just a simple "dark dark katsuki is a asshole and bullied izuku". Their childhood could be sweet and nice, but turned bitter. Middle school era is a fucking playground for angst fest and character study. Their canon outcome is positive as they are on the path of becoming great friend. And I havent mention the endless future possibilities we could think of..hoo boi I m a bit excited am I not?

And the Aus..GIVE ME ALL THE Aus holy mama

Even if we went to a darker route which involves sensitive subjects (which I dont like, personally) , I think us reader is smart enough to know the different between reality and fiction and hasve a good enough taste to decide whether we want to continue to consume it or not. The warning tag is not just for show you know. We can click back easily

I love sweet fluffly ship just as much as I love explosive (ha pun!) Chemistry ship. But to overlook the potential and depth of one ship and label it with a very mistaken term due to the mistranslation of the canon content, then criticised the people who took an interest in the ship is...kinda wrong.

To end this weird ass rant in a funny note, I think it is amusing that Izuku is just as much of a Kacchan fanboy as he is a AllMight fanboy. He recognized Kacchan is amazing even when he was a jerk. He followed Kacchan even when said guy just kept shoving him away. Observing him to the point he understand Kacchan's behavior through and through. Turned Kacchan into his role model and inspiration to create his own moves. We can dislike a person who wronged us but still hold them in high pedestal and admire them, trust me, I spoke them experience. And in the field trip arc, he Desperately chase after Kacchan and the villian and he got kidnapped and screamed devastatingly when he failed. Punch Kacchan in the face when Kacchan ready to gave up his ideal in the final test. Stood against him because they are equal now and fight with Kacchan as a way for Kacchan to release his inner turmoil

What a good friend he is lol Izuku is just as strong as Katsuki now. He stands his ground, and be Kacchan's equal

So I have nothing to worry about

[taonsil]

I cant imagine anyone would, but anyway please no reblog ! this is just all personal junk

aa so..I just wanted to ramble a bit about my 4am breakdown tag post some more. though it was a really bad night, I think reaching that point will in the long run have been a good thing n I'm just trying to figure it all out so I can learn from it the best I can. It was just several years worth of stuff finally reaching a peak. I got into exo around debut time, but pretty casually. it wasn't until wolf era that I decided to be 100% fulltime dedicated, and it came around because I'd been struggling so much with my gender ID and being ace. I was having a lot of suicidal thoughts and basically tao turned up that one day with his leopard print shawl on and changed everything. everything seemed like it was going to be fine. he was so distant then, and he was just perfect and strong and wonderful and I got a leopard print phonecase and had my hair buzzed like his (and coincidentally I had a whole summer of amazing ace discussions with a friend due to tao ships, so that helped with that a lot). I was so so excited and motivated every single day, buying new clothes and new products because tao had made me confident in choosing a path

in 2013 my long-term plan was to use all of this happiness to transition, to get started in the career I wanted, to reach out and help other queer kids, to study hard, to get the therapy/treatment I needed for my anxiety/agoraphobia and then who knows !! maybe move out, travel to see my friends. I was doing a lot of art that involved customising and selling and hoped to go places with that. 2014 was the best year of my whole life

tao leaving, really it just coincided with work getting worse (n also with that meaning we couldn’t travel any more to see our friends or have breaks away at all). I'm always vague on the details of this but it involves being very close to someone who's mentally and emotionally abused me and another family member into therapy before, but..needs must and all. I can’t be out around them at all. it's always been hard and it just happened to start getting a lot worse at the same time. losing sutao was so hard for me, I'd never had a relationship like theirs in my life and it made me happy every single day. I really went out of my mind waiting for news on whether he was coming back (at the time we didn't even know if he'd continue to work at all :s). when he did..it was a loss and a gain, because seeing him in a new light was strange. he went from my hero to someone I wanted to protect and defend. he's genderfluid and nd and aro and instead of looking up to him as an inspiration he just felt close and I could see so many of my bad traits in him but they were good on him, and I got so stressed and anxious every single time he dug himself into deeper holes or I thought the traits I perceived in him were going to be disproved. the two years since he left I was pretty unwell, I lost a lot of time, I wanted to die again because everything was so bad and he was all I had and it was too overwhelming at times. I never wanted to talk about it because I didn't want to be That Crazy Fan, or for my ideas to be dismissed bc of it, or for it to reflect badly on him either. some of the arguments that started cropping up in fandom brought up long buried trauma and made me analyse it way more than I'd ever wanted to. I just gave up on myself. I don't remember a lot of it. breaking away from it at the start of this year was really, really hard, but once I had it was like I'd just woken up after two years and realised I'd done nothing towards the plans I'd made when I was 23

-not to mention that I had no idea I was autistic(+ whatever else. I cant even make one appointment to look into the other possibilities bc of work lmao) until last year. I've always been diagnosed with anxiety, told to grow up, told I'm special and sweet, promised that one day with the right help I'd be fine. college was really bad and I isolated myself after it ended, and then I had to start working with family anyway, so for years it just worked out ok that I only ever went places with family and that they'd speak for me. and again, the two years lost to wherever I was with tao I just didn't think about it, until I was told it's this. and that this is just how I am, and that I'll always mentally be 12 at worst 16 at best and unable to go a day by myself without An Adult helping me out, and I'll probably never be able to like something in moderation and I'll probably never even be able to order a drink for myself let alone try and start helping charities or being involved in communities how I'd wanted

all of this + the endless problems with work, being put down every day and given all these ridiculous thankless extra hours/days, coming out of that weird tao brain fog..I realised I wasted most of my 20s without achieving any of the things I'd set out to, and with obstacles that meant I probably never would, and it made me feel really pointless. at the start of the year I'd made a lot of creative plans, but the stress of everything just knocked it all out of me. I felt bitter and upset towards all of the subjects that motivated me to be creative, and through my writing and art I’ve always tried to help and cheer up other people, but I couldn’t even enjoy it myself. I've had writers block for so long, I hate it. last week was a weird mix of receiving a lot of lovely messages about being helpful and nice etc and feeling guilty over not being uplifted by it, extra days/hours with no thanks, being hit and called stupid..I just felt like everything was over. I'd lost everything that made me feel good about being myself, I had no outlets, I'd failed at all of the goals I'd set myself. I miss tao so much but worry I'll end up in a bad way again if I go back to him full time. I keep thinking over all the ridiculous things I said in college just because I’m me and realising why no one liked me and feeling bitter over again that no one diagnosed me sooner. and trying to continue on like this knowing it's not in my power to improve most of it made me feel how I did last night, like it was just the end. but;; I think getting all of that pain and upset out and realising it was because of a lot of things, not just a bad week/month really helped.

dndhj I dont rly feel refreshed yet I just feel like a slug from crying so much. but I did see a lot of sense in the articles I was reading about what to do after having a moment like that n rebuilding things and setting new goals seems good. worrying less about my follow count and if people will think badly of me and just posting silly happy meta feels like a good way to reconnect with the things I closed off from. there's nothing I can do about work and how that is, but liking myself more again will probably help me care less OK. ok. OTL

[chan-chanyeol]

first impressions // college!au baekhyun drabble

its still his birthday for me rn so im posting this! i dont have his other thing done yet oops. also, its my birthday tomorrow, he and i are practically twins lmao. 

First impressions are forever.

You work at the coffee shop on the west side of campus. You were so ecstatic to snag a job close to your dorm, that pays well, and that understands you’re a third year college student. Sometimes, when you take a night shift (since your coffee shop is open 24hrs) you get to lounge around with some homework until a customer walks in. You often see people who live in your building, and it’s a great way to make friends.

But now it’s finals week and your shop is slammed.

You don’t really mind, this isn’t your first rodeo, but you’re worried about your psychology final and you haven’t had much time to study. You’re not stressing about any of your other finals, you’ve had a pretty easy workload so far, so you’ve managed to cover a couple extra shifts to make some more money before you go on break. If you could only get maybe half an hour to look over your psychology notes, but people keep coming in.

However, it’s nearing 2am, and the amount of people are waning. You lean against the counter, peering over at the two other people in the shop. One is aggressively highlighting her textbook and the other is falling in and out of sleep as he reads through his notes. You pick up your psych notebook and start flipping through the pages, leaning against the counter. You manage a good twenty minutes of studying intelligence and social psych when the boy with his notes finally calls it quits and trudges out, and another half hour until the girl slams her textbook, orders another coffee to go, and leaves.

Now the shop is empty and you hop up onto the counter and read your notes intently. You read over the old psychologists, the idea of behavioral psych growing into something more, about aggression and altruism and—

Thwack.

You look up at the door and see a guy on the other side cradling his face, mumbling and whining to himself. Did he just walk into the glass door? You stifle a laugh, closing your notebook and tossing it aside. You hop off the counter and go to the door, opening it.

“Hello,” you say.

The guy peeks through his fingers at you, his eyes slightly watery. “Hello,” he croaks. “I ran into your door. I’m sorry.”

You let out a laugh and step aside, inviting him in. He stumbles forward and you follow him in, slipping behind the counter again. He finally releases his face, a red spot on his forehead and nose, stepping up to the counter and looking up at the menu.

You unabashedly admire his face, his soft look features accented his ruddy brunet hair. Which, was a mess, but you can’t blame him, it’s nearly 3 in the morning on the third day of finals. He was dressed in a plain white t-shirt and some sweatpants, flip-flops on his feet. You’re thankful the weather has decided to be nice this week, allowing students to dress more comfortably. All he has with him is a small bookbag slung over his shoulder, maybe a notebook or two in there.

He looks back down to you and you give him a smile, which he returns. “What can I get you?” You ask, finger poised to press buttons on the register.

He hums and shifts his weight side to side, and you notice his eyes glance down to your name tag. “A medium macchiato with no whipped cream but extra caramel?”

You nod and type it in, then grab the medium cup. “And your name?”

“Baekhyun,” he replies.

You write his name on the cup and mark out what he wants, then go over to make it. The quiet coffee shop is momentarily alive with the sounds of the machine, and you make sure to slather the drink with caramel. You pop a lid and a sleeve on the cup before handing it back to him.

“Here you go, Baekhyun,” you say, smiling at him again.

“Thank you,” he says, taking the drink and returning the smile. “I haven’t paid yet.”

“It’s on the house tonight,” you say, clearing the order on the register. “A pity drink since you ran face first into the door.”

His smile turns bashful and holds the drink closer to himself. “I appreciate it,” he mumbles, reaching into his pocket for a couple of small bills and shoving them into the tip jar. Baekhyun turned around and found a table, setting down his coffee and grabbing a notebook out of his bag.

And thus he began studying, so you returned to sitting on the counter and studying, too. A half hour flew by before you knew it, and you hopped up to make yourself a small hot chocolate to keep you cozy in the last couple hours of your shift.

“Aren’t you in my psych class?”

You look up from your notebook towards Baekhyun across the counter. “Am I?”

Baekhyun props his elbows up on the table and rests his cheek on his hand, staring at you intently. “I think you are. I feel like I recognize you.”

You hop off the counter and close your notebook. “I think I would recognize you, especially if you’re clumsy enough to run into a door.”

Baekhyun droops his head and lets out a laugh. “That’s seriously just the first time I’ve done that since I’ve been here!”

You laugh with him, grabbing your hot chocolate and notebook, coming out from behind the counter and sitting down in front of him. You open back up your notebook to where you left off; aggression and altruism. “Who’s your professor?” You ask.

Baekhyun sips his coffee, bright eyes focused on you and not his notes. “Professor Park, with the hair that’s half grey, half black, and the glasses that are way more circular than they should be.”

You let out a laugh at his description and nod. “Apparently we do have the same psychology professor. Same class and everything?”

Baekhyun smiles at you, glancing down at his notes. “Yeah, I see you sometimes, you always sit at the front. I sit in the back.”

“That’s why I don’t see you,” you note. “It’s a bummer the class is ending, we could’ve studied together or something.”

He tilts his head in an endearing way, watching you closing with a small smile on his lips. “Yeah, it’s a shame. We could study right now though, unless you’ve got work to do.”

You make a show of looking around the empty cafe, then back to him. You shrug. “If somebody comes in, I’ll help them, but I have a couple more hours in my shift I’d love to spend studying with you.”

He brightens up even more, sitting straighter in his seat and flipping through his notebook. “Awesome. Since you sit at the front of the class, you must be smart, so can you help me with the subsets of the nervous system?”

And thus began your cram session of the entire psychology textbook before your shift ended. You and Baekhyun passed questions back and forth, filling each other in or supplying whatever decent answer either of you could. It was nice to study with somebody else, and talking about the concepts out loud really helps you grasp them. And, now Baekhyun understands biases and meta-analyses, which apparently were giving him a run for his money.

But 6am comes too fast, the sun breaks the horizon and you’re both too busy to notice the sunlight seeping through the windows. You only glance up at Baekhyun every now and then to make eye contact during a very intense discussion of a definition, or a study that changed psych, or something like that, and you nearly miss the fact that the red mark on his forehead has faded away.

The bell on the door rings and draws both of your attentions away from your notes, from each other, and you crane your neck to see your coworker waltzing in, bedhead a beautiful mess and her undereye bags designer.

“What’s up?” She asks you, finding her way behind the counter and started herself a coffee.

“Just studying,” you inform, closing your notebook. Baekhyun watches you with big eyes. “My shift is over, so I better go sleep before our psych final this evening. You should, too.”

Baekhyun heaves out a sigh, closing his own notebook and nodding. “Good point. So, I’ll see you then?”

You give him a smile as you grab your notebook and slip behind the counter, collecting your things. You slip on your jacket and sling your bag over your shoulder, watching as Baekhyun stands up and grabs his own bag.

“Yeah,” you reply. “Maybe I’ll sit with you in the back so we can cheat off each other.”

He gives you a sly smile, eyes sparkly as he opens the door for you. “It’s a bummer we didn’t notice each other under the end of the semester.”

“I know,” you sigh. “But, I guess that’s college.”

“Yeah,” he says, stopping a few feet in front of the coffee shop. He gestures back to it. “You work here often?”

You nod, adjusting your bag on your shoulder. “Yeah, usually just Tuesday and Thursday nights.”

Baekhyun bites his bottom lip for a second before giving you a stunning smile. “Then I’ll see you around.”

You return the smile brightly, feeling your cheeks heat up a little. “Yeah, see you.”

And you both turn and go your separate ways, but you know in the back of your mind that you’re going to be seeing a lot more of him in the near future.