#i want to write the epilogue SO BADLY but i can't GET THERE

[allbeendonebefore]

trying to write dialogue for bert is like herding cats he keeps dragging this comic out and im just trying to pry him off his scratching post it’s not sustainable UGH!!

[bvidzsoo]

Love Me Like A Rockstar (14)

ー☆ Chapter 14: Follow You

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: none ー☆ Word count: 7.8k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Hello, my lovelies! And the last actual chapter is here (as I still have an epilogue ready for you all), I can't believe we're wrapping up LMLAR and that I have to let go of the characters I have created for this story. I can't lie, I might have become really attached to Mingi in this story because I accidentally portrayed in him my ideal type, but what's new? I somehow always manage to hurt myself when I write with Mingi lol (ig that's the burden I have to carry if I write a story with my bias lol) I will be going on a holiday for possibly two weeks, so that means I won't be able to write nor update for two weeks (which sounds horrible and I'm already dying over it, but I hope I'll manage to find time to still write even if a little). Now, don't worry too much about the epilogue and I ask you to read the note at the end of this chapter attentively! ;) For once, I am asking you all to listen to Follow You after you've finished the chapter and not before or during it! I'm curious if the lyrics will be familiar hehe. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and let me know through feedback <3 divider

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @scarfac3 @juicy-red

@sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng

@deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @mjlbn01 @xhexy @tmtxtf

@hwashiningstar @thatfavouritesong @ateez-atiny380 @xciiiomwliah @vixensss

@catchingskzzzs @tesssaurrr @ginger-mingi @mingisbbg

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

            Being here with him, doing this with him had no business being so nerve-wracking. This was Mingi, the guy I hated at first—did I?—and then found a friend in and—well, now found something more in him—wanted more from him. But the flutter of my heart and my stomach twisting despite still feeling somewhat calm, reminded me that no matter that I was with Mingi, this was a completely new setting for us. Yes, it was just the two of us going out and about, but at the same time, it was a date. Something we both discussed and agreed upon, leaving our houses with the purpose of going on this date, the two of us. And perhaps it wasn’t even me feeling nervous about going on a date with Mingi per se, but more the fact that I hadn’t done something like this in ages, which made me feel giddy about it. Like a child when they get the present they really wanted on Christmas Eve.

Mingi, like the true gentleman he was, had picked me up once we were both done with our classes for the day, the sun only half an hour away from setting. The sky had been coated in orange and pink hues as Mingi drove us to an unknown location, grinning from ear to ear as he talked about his day to fill the silence since his old Honda’s stereo had stopped working a few days ago. I didn’t mind that, not at all, if that meant I got to listen to his deep voice and excited tone as he told me about his professor asking about Outlaw and whether he was allowed to attend one of Noir Zenith’s performances. It seemed like word had gotten out lately about Mingi’s band, and even more people from our university were interested in watching them play, I feared soon Outlaw wouldn’t be enough to house the fans. The thought made me feel—made me feel proud and happy for him. Mingi deserved this, he was hard-working and diligent, and I wished him nothing but the best.

When I realized that Mingi was driving us to a rather high-end part of the city with tall and fancy buildings, I found myself more nervous about the surprise he had in mind for me. I didn’t exactly want to dine out in a super expensive restaurant—it really wasn’t my thing—but if this is what Mingi prepared for us, I wouldn’t mind. I knew I’d enjoy myself as long as he was by my side. But, thankfully, he veered us away from the main street and drove down a few narrower ones, buildings nestled together and looking cozier than ever. Graffiti and murals covered every second bricked wall, and I watched curiously as Mingi pulled over and parked the car at the side of the road, in front of a black building, smaller than the ones in the area but a lot more modern and fancier looking. It was dark inside and looked unlived in, but I didn’t question him when he just grinned and grabbed a blanket and basket out of the backseat, then grabbed my hand and guided me towards its front door.

He had fumbled with the key for a second and I snickered at him as he flushed, but then we were inside and I watched in awe the high windows, the place vacant of anything. It was dark, now with the sun setting as well, and I noticed that quite a few lightbulbs were still missing, but Mingi grabbed my hand and walked us towards the end of the hallway.

“Are you sure we’re supposed to be here?” I asked quietly, as if afraid someone would hear us. The place was unfurnished still and Mingi hummed as I noticed light coming from a room whose archway was covered by a black blanket so that you couldn’t see inside. I had paused and looked at Mingi questioningly as he chewed on his bottom lip, then released my hand and yanked the blanket down. My eyes widened at the scenery inside, completely taken aback by the fairy lights strung above and the fort which was built by three stands and a blanket dangled over them. Besides the fairy lights, there was a projector and the white wall was covered in the image of a forest, with a creek slowly flowing through, and the distant sound of birds chirping echoed around the room, it was quiet so as not to disturb any conversation.

My jaw was completely on the floor as I felt my heart race even faster, completely in awe at the view in front of me. I couldn’t believe someone would do something so sweet for me, and as I turned to look at Mingi, for the first time, he looked nervous. He smiled tentatively and I noticed his trembling fingers as he pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his tall nose, and then without thinking, I threw myself in his arms, hugging his torso tightly as I gnawed on my bottom lip, embarrassed by the sudden tears in my eyes as I buried my head in his chest. Mingi made a surprised noise in the back of his throat but didn’t hesitate to return the embrace, and I had to gulp multiple times to try and get rid of the lump in my throat. Nobody has ever done something this nice for me. It was thoughtful, there was effort put into it, and I knew Mingi did this all by himself.

“So, based on your reaction, I assume you like this?” He didn’t sound smug or playful, he sounded genuinely curious, and for a second, I couldn’t believe I was stupid enough to even think of ruining a relationship with someone this precious.

“I love it, Mingi.” I whispered into his chest, the softener of his clothes carrying a flowery scent that mingled with his cologne that I was familiar with by now. It felt safe, it felt warm, and Mingi was comforting to be around.

“Oh, that’s good.” He heaved a sigh and I finally managed to get rid of the tears as I pulled my head back to look up at him, his cheeks were flushed a deep red, a great contrast against his tanned skin and platinum hair, “I was scared you’d hate it, but Wooyoung told me to trust my gut, so I did.”

I smiled and released him, stepping back to offer him space so that he could proceed with his plans. He beckoned me further inside the warm room, towards the fort as he laid the blanket out on a mattress for us, placing the picnic basket next to it, “If the weather would’ve allowed it, I would’ve loved taking you down to the creek for a little picnic under the warm sun, but autumn and winter suck, so I had to get creative.”

“I wasn’t expecting anything less from you.” I chuckled as I had walked towards him, shrugging off my long coat. Mingi followed suit and I took my time to take in his attire, loose black jeans held onto his narrow hips by a thick belt, a beige sweater tucked in slightly at the front, and a black denim jacket with the sleeves rolled up. His wrists were decorated with beaded bracelets, the rings toned down as he only had three on his left and one on his right hand, three necklaces dangling at different lengths around his neck. His nails were bare today, void of the familiar black tint. And, without meaning to, it seemed like we wore matching outfits for our date. I wore black jeans which was loose at the knees paired with a black off-shoulder long-sleeved blouse and a beige sweater with holes over it. I didn’t want to comment on my observations as Mingi settled on the mattress with a grin, patting the spot next to him, “What’s this place though? Are you sure we’re allowed to be here?”

Mingi chuckled as he opened the basket, pulling out the thermos I had brought the hot chocolate in for him days ago, and then he grabbed two mugs, “I pulled some strings for us to be here, but we’re not trespassing, so don’t worry.”

“Who owns this building?” I asked curiously as I watched Mingi pour hot chocolate into the mugs.

“Well, last I heard Hongjoong bought it, so…” My eyes widened as I had taken the mug from Mingi, curious to know more, “This building will be Seonghwa’s art studio. He wishes to launch a brand soon, and Hongjoong thought it would be best if Seonghwa has his own office, or studio as Hwa likes to call it. I think he wants to turn the front lobby into a smaller art gallery of sorts, you should talk to him and see whether he’s interested in displaying your paintings and drawings.”

I hummed, thrilled at the idea of having my own exposition one day, “I don’t think I have enough creations for him to display just yet, but I will keep it in mind.”

It’s my dream to be a well-known painter all around the world, to have to travel to display my art in various galleries, to have people interpret my works to their liking and imagination, and to be able to spread a message through my work. I love creating and I love sharing my deepest thoughts through whatever I put on a canvas, or in my sketchbook and, perhaps, I love it even more when someone else appreciates it and interprets it through their own lens, through their own experiences.

Being here with Mingi felt warm, it made me forget about every concern I had prior, completely disregarding my nervous state as I now found myself comfortable sitting beside him and sipping on our hot chocolate, snacking from time to time on popcorn and whatever salty snack Mingi had prepared for us. The scenery through the projector never changed, and I found the chirping of the birds and the flow of the water as white noise rather relaxing. If I closed my eyes, I could easily picture myself with Mingi by the creek, the two of us sitting on a blanket in the green grass, the warm sun beaming down on us as we laughed and talked about whatever came to mind. It seemed like time passed by like a slug when in reality, it was flying away way too fast, but neither one of us cared. Wooyoung and Seulgi knew we were on a date—and since this building was Hongjoong and Seonghwa’s, they probably knew we were here too—and I had told my mother earlier today that I was going out with Mingi. There was no point hiding anything from her anymore, and she was beyond excited to hear the news. She had a night shift today, but she promised to pester me at breakfast about every single detail tomorrow, swearing she wouldn’t go to sleep until we had the chance to talk. And when she put her mind to something, I knew she would follow through with it.

Mingi and I had been talking non-stop since the whole fiasco in his studio—through texts, phone calls, or in person—and I found myself craving to be around him more and more. Surprising even myself, I bought pastries just the other day before going to my first class, and knowing Mingi would be in his studio, I surprised him with his favorite pastry before I was off to class, not wanting to bother him anymore. It also didn’t come as much of a surprise when he and Wooyoung sat with me and Seulgi at lunch, Mingi huddled up close to me as he wouldn’t stop nagging me about eating more, giving me half of his portion despite me not being able to stomach it. In the end, he finished both of our lunches, and I couldn’t have been happier. Seulgi and Wooyoung didn’t comment much on our antics, but I knew Seulgi was dying to tease me. I knew I was in for it later in our art class, and I wasn’t wrong.

The tension I felt around Mingi—due to not being completely honest with him—had now completely disappeared and was, instead, replaced with a tingling feeling that made me giggle and flush any time I allowed my thoughts to stray towards him. Towards his tall build, his firm muscles, his deep and raspy voice that covered my skin in chills any time I listened to it, and his sharp eyes that could make anyone weak in the knees unless they were creased due to his wide smile. His long nose and crooked teeth and that wide smile that had my stomach doing weird flips, his throaty giggles and rarely flushed cheeks. His hands, which were always warm in contrast to his chunky silver rings, which, surprisingly, have become comforting whenever they dug into my skin, his thick fingers intertwined with mine. His cologne and scent, which had me craving more of him, his clothes tucked away securely in my closet—and if perhaps one of my hoodies’ started smelling like Mingi, nobody had to know that I would snuggle up in it before falling asleep. His arms, which always brought a wave of comfort with them and made me feel smaller than anyone has managed to make me feel before. His hands and nails which I would stare at and flush whenever Mingi noticed what I had been doing, and ultimately, his platinum blonde hair, a color that I started loving instead of hating so ardently. It suited him, it made him look unfairly handsome, it sharpened his high cheekbones and his well-defined jaw, gave his eyes more depth and sharpness, and yes, I loved the color, but I also missed his naturally black hair. It made him look softer, more like the Mingi he was on the inside, easily fooling others of his true personality.

A personality that was goofy and giddy, yet a personality that felt everything intensely and spoke boldly, expressing himself directly and never expecting anything besides fair treatment and the truth in return. Mingi was a sensitive soul who offered without asking anything back in return, and he was rewarded rightfully by those around him who appreciated and loved him. He was easily lovable and I found it harder each day that passed by to ignore the need to cherish and protect him. I didn’t think coming clean with my feelings would be such a liberating feeling, that it would make everything so much easier to accept, to mull over. I was scared, of course, I still was, but I felt hopeful. I knew Mingi well enough by now to know he’d never pressure me into anything I didn’t want, that he’d never make me feel uncomfortable, and that he’d always take it slow if that’s what I needed.

When our mindless chatter finally subsided, the two of us now laid on our backs, staring up at the moon Mingi had hung up in the fort—it felt serene. I knew we were nearing late evening by now, but I couldn’t find it in myself to actually care, to actually look at my phone to check the time. I didn’t even want to look at my wristwatch to see—I wished to stay in this moment with Mingi for as long as possible. We had eaten almost all the snacks he brought and the hot chocolate had been long gone now, all we did was enjoy each other’s company right now. With a finger fiddling with the holes in my sweater, I reached the pinkie of my other hand out until I could poke at Mingi’s hand. I didn’t look at him, but I could see from my peripheral that his eyes were closed. He hummed when I poked his pinkie again, and then, finally gave in as he hooked our pinkies together, sending my heart into a frenzy as I tried to remind myself that this wasn’t the first time we’d be holding hands—it did nothing to my poor flushed cheeks nor churning stomach, I was horrible at hiding how he made me feel.

“Can I ask you something?” Mingi’s voice was quiet as if not to disturb our peace. He sounded just a little bit hesitant, and I got a feeling of what our next subject would be about. I hummed and listened as he took a deep breath, then asked his question, “Do you hate Yunho?”

My eyebrows furrowed as I glanced at Mingi, his eyes were still closed, except that now he was gnawing on his lower lip nervously instead of looking at ease. I didn’t have to think much about his question, I don’t think I have ever felt such negative feelings against someone before, “No, I could never hate anyone, to be honest. However, I did resent him for a long time.”

“And now?” I could understand his curiosity and the need to know more about whatever was once between Yunho and me. It didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, I was rather thankful that we could openly discuss it. I know that if it bothered him, Mingi would’ve told me because that’s who he was. We didn’t hold secrets from each other, we spoke directly and honestly.

“I don’t feel anything,” I whispered with a small shrug, finding it weird how impartial I had become to Jeong Yunho. A few months ago I still couldn’t think of him without distaste, let alone talk about him without my stomach dropping and heart clenching. I still didn’t appreciate the way he’s treated me, of course, I didn’t, but I found it easy to let go, to not care anymore at all, “It’s been over five years that we dated, and I’ve been over him for a long time now.”

“But you couldn’t completely let go,” Mingi muttered and I had to gulp, not that surprised that he saw right through me.

“He was my first love, my first in everything so I—” I gulped, wondering whether this was uncomfortable or not for Mingi to discuss, but he intertwined our fingers and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. I took a deep breath and slowly continued, “I was attached to him, people always say you’ll forever remember the first person you truly loved, and I think they are right. It’s a bittersweet memory, to be honest, but not something I feel locked down in anymore. Even the resentment I felt towards him now feels so distant like it happened ages ago and not months ago. It feels good and refreshing to have gotten rid of such consuming thoughts and emotions despite never saying it out loud. I hated myself for latching onto that last fraction of emotion I felt towards Yunho, thinking it would make his life as miserable as he made mine but in reality, I was only holding myself back and hurting myself furthermore.”

I turned my head to watch Mingi, to take in his expression, and I was surprised to see him smiling. He was gently rubbing his thumb over my skin, “Yunho’s parents got divorced around the time you two started dating, and his older brother moved to another country in order to pursue the career he’s always wanted, so Yunho had it hard. Between the two of us, he’s always been the stronger person, the brighter mind with never-ending hope, cheering me on and encouraging me to never back down if I had goals to reach. Even when I knew he was suffering due to his family’s situation, he wouldn’t let me comfort him, wouldn’t let me be his shoulder to cry on. He had a huge ego back then, refusing to show the cracks or admit that he was doing worse than ever, and I think he was abusing every relationship he had back at that time. He needed validation and love, he felt worthless and used after his parents didn’t even warn him of their split up, just showed him the documents and made him choose who he’d want to continue living with.

“His parents were good people but they handled some things in a shitty way, and it showed because Yunho lost himself in alcohol and meaningless relationships for a while. I’m not calling your relationship meaningless, because as much as I can remember, you were the only one who was able to tie him down for a longer period of time back then. It’s not you who wasn’t enough for Yunho, it’s him who wasn’t ready to commit and love others the right way. I warned him often to stop whatever he was doing, but he was addicted to the feeling and even hurt me in the process. I’m in no way invalidating your feelings and whatever you have gone through, I just hope you can forgive Yunho’s foolishness one day. He was just a kid trying to navigate his life as he lost his path for a short amount of time. I can guarantee he’s changed now, he’s better than he’s ever been before and he regrets everything he’s done. If you feel like it, I’m sure he would even reach out to you to apologize.”

Mingi’s eyes slowly fluttered open as he turned his face, and his eyes widened when he realized I had been looking at him the whole time, “I probably would’ve killed for this information back in highschool, it would’ve made things a lot less complicated for me if he was just honest and explained things before he left me. It wasn’t always easy growing up without a father, and despite never caring much about what others said, Yunho made me feel unworthy and undesirable and perhaps it’s that which hurt more and not even the fact that he left me. I knew relationships didn’t always last, but I didn’t expect him to be such a huge asshole.”

Mingi snickered and bit his lower lip as I rolled my eyes, trying to restrain the giggle that threatened to bubble through, “Yunho would be digging his own grave right now if he were to hear us, too embarrassed and ashamed of himself to even apologize.”

“Serves him right.” I couldn’t help but laugh and Mingi did the same, looking content and not bothered by the nature of our conversation. After all, it was him who was curious about it and I had nothing to hide from him anymore, “What about you? Any past girlfriends I have to look out for?”

My tone was teasing and Mingi instantly flushed, turning his head away as if that would’ve hidden it. His glasses were placed between us and he cleared his throat as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, “Well, I wasn’t a heartthrob like my lovely best friend, so I didn’t date many girls.”

I raised my eyebrows, prompting Mingi to continue speaking as he sighed, “I dated a girl back in highschool for a few months, but I don’t know. She was nagging and I didn’t like the way she berated me whenever things didn’t go her way, so I broke up quickly with her. After that, I just wasn’t in the mood to date anyone. I was content with watching anime and reading my mangas and hanging out with Yunho.”

I grinned and pushed up onto my elbows, wiggling my eyebrows at Mingi when he quickly averted his eyes, “And in university? Come on, don’t be shy now, where’s the cocky and annoying Mingi I despised?”

“You were into it, don’t lie.” Mingi chuckled as I scoffed, but I couldn’t find myself to correct him. Maybe I was into it, but he didn’t have to know, his ego was big enough already. After a longer pause and a squeeze of his hand, he gave in and groaned, “Yeah, fine, I dated casually a few people but wasn’t into any of them much. I feel like nobody has ever seen past my looks or the fact that I have a band and sing, so I didn’t feel like being with someone who only wanted me for my looks and for the far-fetched idea that I’d become famous one day, subsequently making them famous too so that they could parade around saying their boyfriend is a rockstar.”

“It’s not a far-fetched idea, Mingi.” I muttered and he looked up at me again, looking hopeful, “It’s good to know, though, that I won’t have to fight any jealous exes in the near future.”

“It’s rather the exes I’d be worried about,” He snickered, and as I narrowed my eyes, a cheeky smile was back on his lips, “you are the jealous type, not them—”

“Now that’s simply not true.” I huffed and fell back, glaring up at the new moon Mingi had hung up in the fort, “I’m not the jealous type.”

“Are you not?” His voice dripped with tease and I rolled my eyes, “Because I’m pretty sure you don’t like Mina—”

“Who’s Mina?” I interrupted, eyebrows furrowing as I cast a glance his way.

“The blonde girl, my fan.” I gulped, suddenly feeling an unexplainable drop in my stomach and a scowl on my face as I turned my head further away so that Mingi couldn’t see it. Yeah, I simply couldn’t stand her. Mingi started laughing loudly and I huffed as I retracted my hand from his, crossing my arms in front of my chest. It only made him laugh harder, and soon I found myself grinning, his deep laugh infectious.

“I’m not jealous of her, though.” I tried to defend myself but it fell on deaf ears as Mingi continued snickering.

“I don’t mind.”

“Of course you don’t.”

Mingi chuckled at my scoff and then it was silent again as I felt my heart rate settle, Mingi’s breaths stable and loud in the fort. The sounds of nature alongside the projection of the creek would be able to lull me to sleep, but Mingi spoke up again before that could happen, “Remember when we were in the library all those months ago and I flipped through your sketchbook without permission?”

I hummed and gave him a pointed stare, making Mingi smile at me sheepishly, “Well, sorry about that, first of all, and secondly, there was a drawing of eyes which was scribbled over. That’s when you said those were Yunho’s but I’m pretty sure I can recognize my own eyes, doll—”

“Are you claiming again that I was drawing your eyes?” I raised my eyebrows and Mingi pursed his lips as he nodded, “I feel like we’ve had this discussion a million times before, Mings.”

Mingi chuckled and then shrugged, playing with the beads of his bracelet, “Yeah, but hearing you confirm it again would be nice.”

I sighed but gave in nonetheless, I would adhere to his wishes only today, “Yes, Mingi, my sketchbook is full of your eyes, of your face, of your body, of you performing on stage, of you sitting in your car—of you.”

I didn’t expect to see his face, even his ears, turn red in a second, eyes widening as his mouth fell open. For once I felt like I had the upper hand, that it finally wasn’t him making me feel flustered, and I smirked, raising an eyebrow at him teasingly. Mingi cleared his throat and patted at his cheeks, clearing his throat again as he opened his mouth to speak, stuttering a bit before a sound actually came out, “Well, I—uh, I wasn’t expecting such honesty. Thank you? I mean, that’s really cool, thank you. I knew you were obsessed with me since the second you saw me.”

And that’s why I mostly kept to myself about stuff like this, I knew it would get to his head, “No, I couldn’t stand you the second I saw you. Then you turned out not to be such an idiot and too annoying, thankfully.”

Mingi chuckled and intertwined his hands as he placed them behind his head, kicking his legs out, “Well, I actually knew you before meeting you at Outlaw. Wooyoung told me about Seulgi, and then the next day he pointed her out in the hallway and you were there with her. And, uh, yeah.”

It was my turn to tease him as I turned my head and grinned at him, “Did little Mingi have a crush on me before he even got to know me?”

I shouldn’t have felt so pleased by his sudden flush or the way he avoided eye contact, “Yeah, I did.”

And apparently, I was worth sticking around for so long, pushing to get through to me, to make me realize opening up to another person wasn’t such an awful thing, to make me realize liking someone else wasn’t the end of the world, and that I very much wanted to be loved and that I also wanted to love another. The silence that dragged on wasn’t awkward, but I felt Mingi tense the more I didn’t say anything, and as he looked at me with eyes that held light fear in them, I smiled. And then, I was turning onto my side and leaning over to kiss him. As always, his plush lips were soft and warm, welcoming and eager as I pressed a chaste kiss against them, trying not to smile but I failed miserably as Mingi sighed quietly. I pulled back as my intention wasn’t to turn this into anything deeper, but Mingi chased after my lips, our noses bumping together as I cupped his cheek with my hand, my hair falling around us as our lips pressed a little firmer against each other.

It was slow, neither one of us desperate or trying to prove anything as we got lost in the feel of the other, of the other’s warmth and taste—which was a mix of salted caramel popcorn and hot chocolate, Mingi’s cologne making my head dizzy as our lips slotted perfectly together, moving languidly against each other. My hand slipped to hold his jaw and he freed a hand from under his head as he held onto the back of my head, sucking my lip between his teeth without bruising them or nipping at them. I hummed against his lips and pressed another swift kiss against them before pulling away, my face hovering above his as I didn’t want to open my eyes just yet, basking in the feeling kissing Mingi brought with itself. Our noses bumped together again and I smiled as Mingi giggled, no doubt enjoying the proximity.

“So,” His voice was quiet and when I opened my eyes, I was met with an unexpected flush to his cheeks, that subsequently made me blush as well, “what are we now?”

“What should we be?” I asked, my tone warm as I bit my lower lip to contain my smile.

“What do you want us to be?”

“A couple?”

It felt like time stopped as I muttered those words, feeling nervous and scared, but so ready to offer everything I had to Mingi, to make him happy, to make him feel loved and appreciated. I never wanted to see him hurt, especially not because of me. I had seen Mingi’s smile before plenty of times, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the way his eyes disappeared and nose scrunched up, all teeth on display as he smiled up at me, making my heart flutter as I just realized something. I loved him, I loved this man lying underneath me and nothing would stop me from cherishing him like he deserved to be.

“Yeah, I want us to be a couple.” He spoke as he didn’t stop smiling, and I tried to keep mine in check.

“But we have to go on more dates, at least three more, to get to know each other better.” My eyebrows slightly furrowed and Mingi smoothed them out with his fingers tenderly.

“Of course, we’ll take it at your pace, I have nothing to rush for.” I felt grateful as Mingi winked and I pressed a swift kiss before I buried my head in his neck, letting him pull me closer to his body as I cuddled up against his side, “Can I tell Wooyoung at least”

“You think I won’t tell Seulgi?”

And we giggled together as Mingi pressed a kiss against my head, humming in contentment as our fingers intertwined, resting upon his beating heart. I’ve never felt more like I belonged than at this exact moment. Not even with my art.

            By the time Mingi drove me home, it was well into the evening, the dark streets illuminated by the lampposts, some having burned down as Mingi turned onto my street. We didn’t feel the need to discuss much on our way back, our date was successful and filled with laughter and deep conversations that only confirmed my suspicions of Mingi. He was a good guy, too good to be true at times, but I was more than grateful that he was by my side.

His old black Honda Prelude came to a slow stop in front of my house and I unbuckled my seatbelt as Mingi turned his head and smiled, placing the car in neutral as he pulled the handbrake up. I turned and looked at him, our smiles almost shy as if we weren’t ready to say goodbye just yet, acting as if we wouldn’t see each other tomorrow. I agreed to let him pick me up for a breakfast date as we both only had classes starting at noon. If my heart fluttered and lungs convulsed at the thought of having Mingi pick me up tomorrow for a breakfast date, I would only admit it to my mother as now I had to explain why I wouldn’t have breakfast with her in the morning. I had a feeling that I wouldn’t be getting much sleep tonight, too excited to actually get the amount of sleep that was healthy. Perhaps I would even paint some more, for once, I wasn’t behind on assignments, but I felt the itch under my skin to create something new.

“Well,” I cleared my throat once the silence got too much, “I loved spending my time with you, Mingi, thank you for taking me out.”

“I’m glad you liked it.” He looked away abashed, but only for a second as he gave me a cheeky look, “I bet it’ll be hard to overdo my efforts now.”

“You wish.” I chuckled and grabbed my backpack from between my legs, “Don’t forget, I might be artsier than you are, love.”

It was certainly surprising to see Mingi’s face flush, ears included. If I remember correctly, Yunho’s ears always flushed before his face could if he was flustered, flattered, or embarrassed, and now I couldn’t help but find it endearing that the two best friends had similar mannerisms, “Uh—yeah, I—love?!”

I giggled and bit my lower lip, leaning over the center console with a cheeky grin, “Well, did you expect me not to call you nicknames? You call me doll, it’s only fair I return the favor—”

“But love?!” Mingi exclaimed, slightly confusing me as he rubbed his eyes behind his glasses, “I—I think I’m unwell.”

“What?” My eyebrows furrowed, suddenly concerned, “Why?”

“My stomach won’t stop flipping around and because I’m losing my mind?” Upon Mingi’s helpless expression and whine, my eyes widened and I fell back into my seat, not quite laughing as I couldn’t help but gape at him.

“Do I fluster you—”

“Very much so!” Mingi exclaimed as he hid behind his hands again and I might have malfunctioned for a second as I’d never seen him acting like this. Did he have a fever? Did a simple nickname turn him into a whiney kid?

“Well, it’s payback time for all the times you made me suffer, love.” Mingi looked like he was about to combust and I couldn’t help but cackle as I blew him a kiss before grabbing the handle to open the car’s door. But before I could step out, Mingi shot forward and opened the glove box.

“Wait!” He said hurriedly and I froze, looking at him curiously. He grabbed a black notebook and handed it to me, eyes boring into mine despite his still red ears, “Flip through it once you’re settled down, please.”

I smiled and nodded, feeling curious as I took it from him, and certainly blushed an ugly shade of red when he pressed a quick kiss against my cheek, making me stumble for a second as I got out of his car. It was his time to feel triumphant for making me feel flustered, and I couldn’t help but flip him off as his amused laughter was audible through the closed doors and rolled-up windows. He winked and waved cheekily before putting the car in first gear and motioning for me to head inside. Feeling giddy and curious, I waved before turning my back to walk to the front door as nonchalantly as possible, fishing my keys out of my pocket. Once I was inside, Mingi drove off and I slammed the front door shut, locking it quickly as I had half a mind slipping out of my boots and throwing my jacket onto the floor absentmindedly as I raced up to my room, not bothering to turn on the lights. I might have bumped into the edge of the railing and the edge of my door as I turned on the bedside table lamp, dropping everything on the floor except the notebook as I plopped down onto the bed.

My heart was racing as I got comfortable, almost forgetting my phone was in my back pocket and would be crushed if I sat on it, so I retrieved it and placed it on the bed next to me. My fingers trembled lightly and I licked my lips as I flipped the notebook open, surprised to find Mingi’s name written prettily on the first page with doddles decorating the rest of the blank page, all kinds of little animals and shapes signed by his friend’s names, no doubt them having drawn those in here. Too curious about the contents of the notebook, I started slowly flipping through the pages, eyes skimming over all the words and musical notes, Mingi’s handwriting was pretty despite it being rushed at times—most of the time.

Then, I flipped to a page that had my name only on it with a small heart next to it. My heart was suddenly in my throat as I took a shaky breath, flipping to another page, eyes slowly taking in all the words.

‘And the world is cold/But it's beautiful/I wish you were here now’, I could imagine Mingi’s soft tone singing these in a whisper before the beat picked up. ‘It's your magnetic hold/A gravity pull/I can feel you in waves/When your melody comes/It falls from above/I will not be afraid’, I gulped, eyebrows furrowing as I slowly traced over the words, Mingi’s pen having made an indent in the paper when he scribbled them down. Eager to read more, I looked further down, drinking in what I now realized to be lyrics, ‘So lost/Coming from me when I'm lost/You kiss my neck and then you're gone/Turn me off and turn me on oh/Eat up every word you say/My perception dilates’. I bit my bottom lip, heart racing just a little faster as I realized Mingi offered me a glance inside his mind, inside his feelings and how he’s viewed me and our relationship over the months, ‘Want you to waste my time/Mess with my mind/Fly me to the other side/Don't say goodbye to reds in my eyes/Love me enough to hate me/Waste my time, waste my time/Waste my time, waste my time’.

I gulped, suddenly feeling guilty for having tormented Mingi for so long, for having made him feel like I was playing with his feelings, ‘Like a phantom, I will steal your heart/Until we're dancing in the dark/Like a phantom, I will steal your heart/Until we're dancing in the dark’. I chuckled, imagining Mingi hunched over his desk with a frown on his lips as he jotted the lyrics down, then smirked in triumph at the fantasy of finally having my heart in his hands—and I think he’s rather close to achieving that now, ‘Chit chat, do you want that/Or wanna take me home tonight?/All this chit chat is holding me back/And I'm breaking just to bend your light/I thought I told you, I really need your sugar/A rollercoaster, I'm going supernova/Chit chat is holding me back/To you, you’. I tried to refrain from grinning too hard at the lyrics. Going back home with Mingi wasn’t a repulsive thought anymore as it would have been a month ago. No, now I would rather go home with him. I wanted to be around him, I wanted him.

‘Oh, my oh, my oh my/Why's it every night/I'm feeling so sleepless?/Oh, why oh, why oh why?/I'm losing my mind/Maybe you're the reason’, I couldn’t help but gulp at the thought of Mingi not being able to sleep, bothered by thoughts of me, ‘Started as friends, but less than lovers/It's all making sense/On days, I'm thinking about us/Yeah, I know I'm so selfish/Hate the thought of someone else/Making you laugh, smiling, happy, if it ain't me or myself’. I gulped, feeling like Mingi got a glimpse inside my head too, making me remember how quickly and easily my jealousy previously flared whenever I saw him talking to the blonde girl. ‘I was more than just a body in your passenger seat/And you were more than just somebody I was destined to meet/I see you go half-blind when you're looking at me’, my breath faltered for a second as I quickly read over the lyrics again, wondering just how obvious it was to everyone else but myself that I was into Mingi, that he was into me.

‘I, I, I never thought I'd find true love/I, I guess I wasn't looking hard enough/If my heart stops now, you're the one thing that made it all worth it/If the sky falls down, right now, you're the one that I'll worship’, the words had no reason getting to me, yet I couldn’t help but flush hard as I blinked my eyes and rubbed at them, trying to cool off for a second, but I was too curious of what more was in the notebook, ‘Well, I heard you whisper/To all your friends/I heard you telling them that/You need a man in whom you can depend’. I chuckled, feeling amused but completely in awe of Mingi’s lyrics, his words somehow making complete sense and almost like a challenge to admit he was right about me, ‘Well I'd be the gasoline/To keep you alive/And I'd be the cold, so unbreakable/We'd burn together straight through the night/That's alright’. And now I had no doubts that Mingi would do anything for me, but what he didn’t know just yet, was that I would be his ride and die from now on.

‘Oh, and my love/Did I mistake you for a sign from God?/Or are you really here to cut me off?/Or maybe just to turn me on’, and perhaps if breathing became harder, it would be obvious to anyone as I tried to regulate my breaths and ignore the flush over my body, ‘'Cause these days/I would be lying if I told you that/I didn't wish that I could be your man/Or maybe make a good girl bad’. I gulped and sat up straighter, flipping another page hurriedly to read more of the song’s lyrics, easily imagining Mingi up on stage, raspy and smooth voice blending into the microphone and making the hairs on my arms stand as we made eye contact, his gaze intense and sharp, challenging in a way that would get me all bothered and hot, ‘I've got a river running right into you/I've got a blood trail, red in the blue/Something you say or something you do/The taste of the divine’. And I honestly to God hoped to see them perform this song one day, curious of what the band would sound like together, of Mingi’s voice and his eyes, ‘You've got my body, flesh and bone/The sky above, the Earth below/Nothing to say and nowhere to go/A taste of the divine’. I was ready to turn another page when my phone dinged loudly, making me flinch in surprise as I was completely immersed in Mingi’s lyrics.

Mings 🖤: home i hope you enjoy whatever you find in there some are spicy lol

Without thinking much, I pressed the dial button next to his name and raised the phone to my ear, my heart beating out of my chest. It barely rang twice before Mingi’s deep voice greeted me through the phone and I gulped, mouth working faster than my brain, “Mingi.”

“Yes, doll?”

“I think I’m falling in love with you.”

The deafening silence was filled with the loud thumps of my heart that only I could hear, and I was sure my pulse was way too high, but I couldn’t care less as I listened carefully to hear Mingi’s reaction. His gasp was loud as I licked my lips, eyes boring into the notebook again, “I read it, your lyrics.”

More silence, until there was a deep breath and Mingi’s raspy voice made me sink in on myself, goosebumps covering my whole body, “Good, because I think I’m already in love with you.”

I huffed out a breath, my smile was huge as Mingi’s chuckle that followed sounded breathless but somehow as if he was at ease. I couldn’t help but fall back on my bed, holding onto the phone tightly as I pushed the notebook to the side, eyes falling on my sketchbook, “I’ll send you something, listen to it now.”

“Alright, thank you.” Mingi hummed and then hung up, making my heartbeat quicken once again as I watched the dots in our chat move, and then a voice file was sent, with a message attached to listen to it with headphones. I quickly turned onto my stomach to reach for my nightstand, grabbing the headphones and connecting it to my phone as I placed it on my head, biting my lower lip as a familiar melody, lyrics, and voice traveled through the headphones, covering my skin in goosebumps.

『'Cause I'm telling you, you're all I need

I promise you, you're all I see

'Cause I'm telling you, you're all I need

I'll never leave

So, you can drag me through hell

If it meant I could hold your hand

I will follow you, 'cause I'm under your spell

And you can throw me to the flames

I will follow you, I will follow you』

❱❱ Epilogue

A/N: Can y'all imagine this was supposed to be the last chapter?? lol, back in December when I wrote the whole plot this is how I tied everything up BUT THEN, maybe around two months ago I was tbh just gushing to my bestie about Mingi and some other things, and I realized, wait a minute-I can totally write this for LMLAR?! And so, that's how the epilogue came into existence, which I'm grateful for because I feel like it ends the story on a good note *cries*, would you like me to post the epilogue this week on Friday or next week on Wednesday? majority wins lol

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[localapparently]

/ orv main story ending spoilers , mentions of kdj's suicidal mindset

mindless rambling

my friend who just finished orv asked me why kdj couldn't just split like 2% off of himself into an od avatar and leave that in the train while he joined kimcom, and while my initial reaction was "there's no way he could just do that" I remembered i thought a similar thing when I first read through orv too? and maybe it got explained down the line but I forget things real easy (which is why i'm rereading orv) and so I'm just trying to make sense of it using my existing knowledge

There's this bit in epilogue here:

Sangah's words "protecting the world by dividing himself in half, one becomes the reader, one becomes the character". the first being 51 and the second being 49,

I think there are layers to it. Right after being shaken by the OD ordeal, kdj's mindset that he's to blame for the whole world is reinforced stronger than ever before in his head, because he had just witnessed living proof of it. And that's not something he can overcome just because sp and 999 gang took od away to take care of him. Even then, kdj was confused why they weren't angry.

There's also the persisting mindset kdj has that he's twsa's reader and not a proper part of kimcom, and he probably felt like he should bear the burden of consciously continuing to read the world until the very end. He managed to see himself as part of kimcom over the course of the story but od's appearance sort of undoes all that progress he's ever made, and its sad but its pretty common for self hate mindsets to spiral like that,

He probably felt like he deserved it, yet him wanting that extra 2% difference to prove he knew and loved kimcom more than his avatar. Him regretting splitting in half right after the avatar left and he saw them all walking away. He knows what he wants and in the end he can't bring himself to think that he deserves it

And honestly I don't really know why the way singshong writes kdj's self hate and suicidal tendencies get me so badly, I mean I do, kind of, the feeling is there, but it's incredible how long the set up was and how real it feels when you see it all go downhill.

i think od reveal truly truly fucked up kdj to no repair. like if you read the passages, its fucking heartbreaking.

"My own tragedy couldn't even compare to their pain. The sin of creating an even bigger tragedy because of my own should not be forgiven." "Something was wrong. A blade… I, I needed to find a blade."

and the thing that gets to me is how easily anyone who has had self loathing thoughts can empathise with him. The want to disappear for inconveniencing things that would've been perfectly fine and pretty and happy had you not come into contact with it, the idea that you are a disgusting monster and its easier to shut yourself off than do any more damage. and its Fine if youre in pain because They will be happy and theyll will be happier without you.

It fascinates me how a portion of readers of orv who self blame or self doubt love kdj so much, because the act of loving him is also some form of self reassurance that they can be loved as well, because if someone like kdj can be forgiven, then surely they can, for all their small or big mistakes that are definitely not on the scale of plunging the universe into a space apocalypse. or something.

but i might be assuming so. don't take my word for any of this.

tldr he doesnt split out a small avatar to take the place of od because he thinks he deserves it. which is quite obvious if you take a look at the big picture, and i dont really know why i rambled so long. maybe ill reread orv and theres gona be a small bit that's like "ohh well actually if it was too small of a percentage that became od the universe wont hold up" and i will be like Ah yes i just missed that part. and this ramble will be void. uhh yes. have a nice day

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Needy | An Epilogue of Sorts

Okay, first off: your Roman angst is a certain brand of heartfelt that I appreciate so much <3 Secondly: I know it's only been four hours since posting, but, um...if you find some spare energy for it, perhaps a part two to Needy? Like, along the lines of Roman getting used to actual real touch & still battling a little bit of that arophobia. No pressure to write it! Just thought I'd throw it out there :3 Your aro Roman is very dear to me <3 – {a tired lil anon}

Read on Ao3 Part 1

Warnings: panic attack/breakdown

Pairings: none

Word Count: 1408

Sometimes things don't get better right away. Sometimes you just need a few moments that you can hold onto.

+1.

There is something truly upsetting when your go-to wish for comfort is to be entirely alone.

You wait until everyone else has gone to sleep, and the world is silent save for you and your pain, and you go into the bathroom and close the door. You do not turn on the lights. You curl up into a ball, on the bathroom floor, for the bathroom floor can solve any ill, any ache, any pain, if you give it enough time. The first sob that leaves your throat is silent, you have trained yourself to be so quiet. The next few are as well, and the first noise you make is the inhale to get enough breath to sob anew. Tears leak from your face, snot leaks from your nose, drool leaks from your gasping and wretched mouth. You slobber all over yourself, the floor, and you cry because you do not know what else to do.

You wrench each and every sob you can out of your pitiful face and the dark of the bathroom allows it. You lie on the floor because there is a trick you have learned: if you roll over onto your side, you cannot get enough breath in to keep sobbing, and so you can quickly quiet yourself. But you do not want to be quiet right now, this is the time you have set for yourself to feel all of the nasty things that wriggle around under your skin and make you feel so intolerable to yourself. The bathroom dark is safe because you are alone, and no one is there to hurt you. No one is there, so it does not matter how large the pile of slobber and tears grows, it does not matter that the gross sticky wet noise of breathing in grows worse and worse as your nose stops working, it does not matter that you are lying pathetically on the bathroom floor with tears streaming down your face. You are alone, and that is safe.

You cry so hard you almost throw up. The thought of getting better makes the tears start afresh, because you do not want to get better. You want to stay here, with tears leaking out of your closed eyes, in the dark on the bathroom floor. You are hurt here, you are wretched here, you are pathetic here, and so you are safe here.

You are afraid. You are exhausted. You are alone.

You are safe.

 

Logan comes to him when he's sitting in the living room late at night, typing away on his laptop. He rests a hand on his shoulder and kindly does not comment on the way Roman stiffens and sags.

"Hello, little one," he says gently, "will you come and cuddle with me on the couch while the others get ready for movie night?"

He is weak to any requests for comfort, on his behalf or otherwise, and so he lets Logan coax him to close his laptop, get up, and sit on the couch. An arm winds under his legs and scoops him up partway into Logan's lap and he can't help the noise of surprise.

"Shh," Logan murmurs against his forehead, "you're alright. I'm just holding you. Can you sit here like this? Is this okay?"

He doesn't trust his words. He just nods and Logan's mouth brushes his cheek in a chaste kiss. The brief contact makes his head spin and his chest ache. He must let out some small noise because Logan's hand is covering his hand a moment later—when did he touch his own chest?

"Does it hurt?" He nods. "Does it hurt very badly?" Another nod. "Let me see, little one."

He lets Logan look at his chest, although he knows there are no marks there, and his breath shudders out of him when Logan's thumb caresses the bare skin. The arm around his back is unwavering, supporting him even when he goes lax and nearly slumps into Logan's shoulder. Logan chuckles, the warm sound thrumming through them, and gently tugs Roman's shirt back into place.

"It's alright," he murmurs with that soft and tender certainty that makes Roman's head spin, "you're safe here. I won't let anything happen to you."

"L-Logan?"

"Yes, little one, what is it?"

"Can—can you hug me more?"

"Of course I can," and he does, wrapping his arms tightly around Roman's shoulders and tucking his head into the crook of his neck. "Is that better?"

Logan is big and soft and warm, and Roman closes his eyes to breathe in the smell of paper and ink. He lets out an involuntary sigh, sinking deeper into his hold, and the next chuckle tickles his cheek.

"You can rest, Roman, I can wake you up when the others get here."

"Promise?"

"Yes, little one, I promise."

2.

Virgil finds him sitting at the bottom of the stairs and drapes himself over Roman's shoulders like some great weighted blanket.

"Hi, Princey," he rumbles, chin on Roman's shoulder, "you doing okay?"

Roman shakes his head. Virgil hums, sitting on the stair behind him to wrap his arms around his waist.

"Can I help?"

"I don't know how."

"Well, we can sit here like this and I can just hold you. We can go cuddle if you want, that might make you feel better. Have you eaten stuff recently?"

"No."

"I can make you eat something and that might make you feel better." He tugs lightly on Roman's waist. "C'mon, let's go get you a snack."

Virgil helps him up from the stairs, wrapping his arm through one of Roman's as they amble to the kitchen. He reaches up and takes down a bag of Roman's favorite snacks and sets it on the counter. Not once as they move around does he stop touching Roman. The touch still burns, but a pleasant one, as though Roman could climb into the fire and sit in it and not feel pain.

"Hey," he murmurs again when he feels Roman start to wobble, "we're almost done, okay? Then you can eat and try and feel a little better."

"Table?"

"Nah." Virgil grins. "Thought we'd sit on the floor."

"On the floor?"

"Take it from me, it's the best place to sit and have a snack when you need one." His eyes do that thing where the crinkle up at the very corners. "And it involves less walking and more leaning against stupid things that aren't meant to be leant against, which is always great."

They sit on the floor. Roman leans against Virgil's side and eats his snack. He closes his eyes and it feels a little bit better.

3.

Patton's hand cards through his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. His fingers run up and down his spine, fiddling with the slightly pulled threads and other wrinkles in his shirt. He finds an itchy spot and lingers to scratch lightly. Every so often, he turns to press a kiss to Roman's temple.

"You doing okay, sweetheart?"

Roman sniffles and nods.

"You want to move at all?"

A vehement shake of his head.

"Okay, sweetheart, no worries. We can stay here as long as you need."

The two of them don't move until dinner.

4.

"You have too many hands," Roman mumbles.

Janus chuckles. "Are you complaining?"

"…mmpf."

"What was that?"

"Hm?"

"What did you say, sweetie?"

Roman, who is currently being cuddled by far too many hands and far too many sweet words, can't remember what the hell they were talking about. Janus doesn't hold it against him.

5.

"Hey, Remus?"

Remus looks up from where his head was resting on Roman's shoulder. "Yeah, Roro?"

Roman fiddles with his hands, biting his lip. After a long moment, he mumbles something.

"A little bit louder?"

"I said I love you."

Remus grins so hard his face hurts. "I love you too, Roro."

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[divineerdrick]

Homestuck: Beyond Canon Upd8 for 2/10/24

We got our news post a little late and our upd8 a little early. I'm struggling today and behind on progress for everything, but I still want to read.

James is being a bit hammy, but he's teasing some good news. It looks like we'll be getting [S] pages in the future. Hopefully with more than one person and a slower upd8 schedule, they won't ever need to pause for them.

Kinda curious about the VTuber mentioned. I like watching people experiencing Homestuck stuff! It's the whole reason I started live blogging.

Now onto the upd8!

Looks like I might have been right about Yiffy potentially having something to do with that ominous red glow. Let's see what's going on.

Like all teens, the worst thing that can happen to her is public parental affection. Though Jade is laying it on thick! Where's Rose with a quip about contacting CPS? Although she'd be calling them on herself.

Not sure how I feel about the gag, honestly. It's pretty cliché, and Tavvy is right there. We don't know how badly Yiffy has suffered, but like Tavvy it's been real abuse and neglect. This comic does have a habit of trying to make child abuse a joke, though.

Kanaya is obviously still struggling, and I can't blame her. Yiffy is one of the most controversial aspects of this comic, supposedly handed down to us from on high by AH himself. One of the great complaints about the Epilogues is that it takes the characters in directions that were intended to challenge fans. But even then, the idea that even a Candy Rose would cheat with Jade to have a secret love child and hide it from her all this time is so fucking out there. Everything about it feels wrong.

And then, of course, they get into a silly dare and name her Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley!

But I'm not saying things that haven't already been said a million times. It's always felt like one of AH's epic troll moments, like the ones I both love and hate in the original work. And I hoping it will eventually pay off to something.

Looking at the text here, Yiffy's color could definitely be the red. Hah! Pepis.

Yiffy's mind is also on Kanaya it seems. We're also getting a sense of her attitude much more clearly now. I'm kinda getting Susie vibes.

Oh wow! They're actually calling it "The Yiffy Reveal" in universe!

Wow! Wow! Fucking wow!

The fuck!

I think my jaw just splintered the floor at my feet!

Rose used her power. She actually used her fucking power! And not only does she believe this will all be fortuitous (it's practically fated since it gives us a set of four kids), but that fortune would dictate Kanaya's eventual forgiveness.

She didn't just decide on, "Easier to get forgiveness than permission." She believed it inevitable, so that made it okay!

The fuck!

We're digging a little into Jade's adult life now. And yeah, it's just as bad as we probably imagined it was. Doesn't justify them going behind Kanaya's back, but you can understand her yearning.

That . . . that oddly makes sense. It still seems wrong, but it's the kind of backward logic that might occur on Candy Earth C. I don't know if AH had this explanation as part of Yiffy's backstory, or if it's writing we can attribute to one team or the other. But it's an actual explanation for how we got here.

Still not enough to pay off the trolling yet.

How . . . Tavvy, what were you doing?

Yeah, no. I'm betting right now Kanaya is feeling a lot more forgiving towards Jade and a lot less forgiving towards Rose.

That's Meenah's symbol, so we know who to expect a call from next time at least.

Of course a lot of attention is payed to the captchalogued corpse in Jade's possession. Did she find Dave's body and is still not dealing with it? Has she considered her taxidermy tradition dealing with it enough? Is this somehow another corpse considered fitting for the Harley traditions?

Tune in next time!

[frannyzooey]

So I’m a little late to the party but I just read In the Dark in like 24 hours. Maybe you’ve shared more previously, but I’d love to know more about Ezra & Birdie’s future. Ezra implied that they could really be together if she had stayed, and being that she couldn’t find it in herself to want anyone else in London, I really hope that they end up together when her program is over. Him coming to visit for two weeks is huge, but I’m clinging to little details — is it just as best friends? Best friends who sleep together? Now that Cee has her own place, assuming Birdie comes “home” to NYC, it would be easier for them to give it a real try. It seems if their feelings remain intact for a year apart (or 8 months) that it’s pretty real.

Anyway if there’s anything more you can share about where YOU think things land I’d love to know. I’m gonna lose sleep, lol. Thank you for such a gripping and touching story ❤️❤️

Hello hello! ❤

First of all, I can't believe you read it that fast! What an honor 🥺

Second of all, I have an essay on this! Buckle up buttercup, you're about to get a million things you never asked for lol

I sort of hinted at it in the epilogue chapter, but what I envision them being is sort of like best friends who sleep together. They are together when they are together, but there is no expectation that they would put their lives on hold for the other when they aren't - if that makes sense?

The connection they have is so intimate and real, but they are also at vastly different places in their lives. THIS concept is actually what I love most about writing age gap stories, because I feel like the trope usually gets twisted (or is assumed twisted by the reader before they even give the story a chance) into the older person taking advantage of the younger person. In this instance (and in everything else I write), it's really the younger person who has all the power. Old enough to consent and know their own mind, they have their own agency and seek out the older person for their life experience. Birdie was attracted to Ezra for a lot of reasons, but one of those was his competence and confidence, while she herself felt completely lost in a huge city. He made her feel like she was the only one in the world, in a city of millions. It's very soothing, with so much care involved on Ezra's part.

Before this turns into an essay on age gap lol (because I could seriously ramble for hours) here is a slice of the text from Chapter 11 on how this sort of dynamic would end up (I think) playing out irl:

and

Would Ezra wait? Yes.

Is that a fair thing to ask of either of them? No.

Not when Birdie is so young and has this whole life to explore, not when he knows she's about to be thrown into all sorts of different situations and meet so many other people, and not on his end either: sitting lonely and alone, while he tries to give her the space she needs to find her own way.

In the last chapter, he did say that they could continue seeing each other if she were to stay in the city, because of course they would. They have this undeniable connection, this chemistry, this love for each other - but on the other hand, they have been living in a very limited bubble. Just being together almost tore his relationship with Cee apart - what are the very real logistics of them spending holidays together? Of Birdie (maybe) one day moving in? Of merging their friend groups, when the people involved are vastly different ages with different interests?

Should Birdie come back to NYC, I can see her getting together with him again as a means to get her grounding, or as a source of comfort and familiarity. I can see Ezra as acting as sort of a guide in that: almost...parental? Like he did with Cee? Cheering her on, giving her a place to stay, welcoming her back into his arms because he has missed her so fucking badly.

Do they end up together in the end? I am undecided. I think their lives converge and split and converge and split and there is never any love or chemistry lost, but I just envision this sort of bittersweet relationship where they met each other at exactly the right time and they enjoyed it for what it was.

Something I thought a lot about (and I still do) is that everyone always wants a "happy ending" answer - and I hate to crush that for people because who knows! They could! She could come back and move in and Cee could come to terms with it and they could be this cute, amazing couple who never gets married (because I am firm on the idea they don't need/want that) but that spend their lives together.

HOWEVER, to me: Birdie gaining confidence through Ezra's emotional support IS a happy ending.

Cee finally moving out and gaining independence IS a happy ending.

Ezra learning that he can put himself first for once without sacrificing everything with Cee IS a a happy ending.

The HOPE held in the possibilities of what Ezra and Birdie's relationship could be IS a happy ending.

The HOPE held in the potential of what this means for all of them moving forward as individuals IS a happy ending.

Meeting someone who changed your life for the better, even if you have to eventually let them go, IS a happy ending.

The fact that you binged this story and you think about them and you are losing sleep means -- more than I can say. I am so incredibly thankful for you and appreciate you more than you know. ❤ Thank you thank you thank you for this ask, and if you want to discuss further, message me! I would be delighted ❤

[ari--anon]

When writing I am weary with contending did you take inspiration from anything for mumbo and ariana's relationship, asking because it was written incredibly well and the lasting effects it had were accurately heart wrenching.

+ just curious but were there any scenes you thought about but scrapped between the two of them? And did Mumbo ever open up about the full extent if it to the other two or is he someone that's better at tackling those kind of things by himself?

Sorry if you can't tell I think about this fic *such* a normal amount (lie)

Thank you so much to give me an opportunity to rant about her :D

Funnily enough, I remember rewatching the movie Whiplash to get inspired for Ariana. For very vague, moreso aesthetic reasons I also got inspired by Slay the princess. Personality wise I knew what I wanted.

As for missing scenes... Sadly none that I've ever actually written, but I did think about her a lot to get a better picture of her and Mumbo's relationship. I certainly could've added more scenes where Ariana was friendly-er to Mumbo, or where things were 'normal' and sort of safe. That was still a big part of their relationship, because even though she wasn't a good person, she did really like Mumbo (even if it's more in a pet way than anything else). Also just for a false sense of security, lol. There probably would've been moments where Mumbo would even defend her in front of Grian, since Grian really liked to rag on her (reasonably) and Mumbo himself wouldn't really know why'd he do that (is it a sense of belonging or is it him being afraid that she'd hear, or is he geniuenly trying to defend her, etc.)

As for Mumbo telling the other two about Ariana, I'd say Grian already knows a lot about her.

He was there around the same time Mumbo was, living in the area long before they actually met. He saw a lot that went down (and maybe even saw some things without Mumbo knowing it). And much much later, as was said, Mumbo would open up about her abuse much later on in life when he felt comfortable enough to do it, and Grian would listen.

As for Scar, I feel like he'd eventually figure out though bits and pieces of them mentioning her, or whatever brief answer he'd get from asking them directly. But the only way he's getting a complete timeline is from Grian, who was involved but only on the outside looking in. The only one that could know the extent of *everything* is Mumbo himself, and sometimes, it's hard for him to know the extent of what happened.

He was affected very badly, but after the epilogue he's at a position in his life where he can settle down and let it go.

Thank you again, and I'll gladly answer any follow up questions!

[thethirdromana]

So we've reached the end of the Picture of Dorian Gray, which means that I get to try to write the essay that I've been writing in little bits throughout Dorian Gray Weekly, but now I can do it without spoiling the ending.

There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.

I think a lot of it comes down to this, and I would argue that this is - to put it bluntly - complete bullshit. I think Dorian Gray is a profoundly moral book, and it's only through considerable misdirection that Wilde makes it seem as if it might not be.

Ultimately, it's the story of a man who exchanges his soul for youth and beauty, and finds that it's a poor exchange. He has every earthly thing that he wants; he gives in to every temptation that is offered to him; and they are all hollow.

He can trick people into loving him, but for the most part, he can't retain their friendship without corrupting them (unless, like Lord Henry, they come pre-corrupted) or killing them. There's no epilogue, but there's very little sense that anyone is going to mourn his death. He has been admired but not understood or respected. His life is empty. And he can never escape from the long shadow that Basil's murder casts over him.

And this isn't really my area, but it also feels to me like a deeply Christian morality tale. This is not just the story of a man who does bad things and fucks up his life. It's the story of a man who rejects every opportunity for redemption and forgiveness, and sacrifices his immortal soul. Dorian is destined for hell; he has the chance to save himself, and he doesn't take it.

Ranged against all that, the extenuating circumstances - Lord Henry's influence, the "poisonous" book - feel like nothing so much as window-dressing. What happens to Dorian is Dorian's own fault, and the ways he tries to wriggle out of it and blame other people are just further indications of how flawed his character is.

I've said this bit before, but I find it fascinating how this intersects with the Preface (lies and misdirection!) and Wilde's own life (where the novel comes disconcertingly close to autobiography, minus the murder). Minus the Preface, and written by anyone else, would Dorian Gray look less like a celebration of queer hedonism, and more like a straightforward morality tale?

[hydine]

Alluring Secret ~Black Vow~ but reverse the genders, alter the story a little and make it ZoSan? 🫠

Like

Zoro is an angel (yes not a demon, an ANGEL) and fights a demon (Mihawk), but is not strong enough to defeat him. Zoro gets hurt (chest scar) and falls into the human realm. It's not like he's never been there, even though it's forbidden for angels to interact with humans. Hurt angel Zoro gets found by human Sanji, Zoro barely alive just catches a glimpse of Sanji's eyes before falling unconscious with his last coherent thought that those eyes are the most beautiful thing he's ever seen in any realm. Sanji nurses Zoro back to health, they eventually both fall in love with each other, but keep it chaste - Sanji is not ready (love between males is frowned upon in this world) and Zoro already overstepped by getting taken care of by a human.

Then the whole shtick with the Vinsmokes and the Charlottes comes into play, where Sanji (forcefully, but Zoro doesn't know this) gets engaged to Pudding. Zoro wants to elope with Sanji, but Sanji resists, even kicks Zoro, and Zoro is taken aback by this reaction. He thinks the problem is that they're both males, since love between males is not acceptable in this world and Sanji doesn't want to be with Zoro because of this. So Zoro, somewhat back to health, takes his leave.

He finds the demon who gave him the chest scar (Mihawk) and strikes a deal with him: Zoro would become a female human and give up his life as an angel, so he gets a chance at being with Sanji. Mihawk cuts off Zoro's wings and Zoro gets sent back to the human realm in a human female body.

And it was on his wedding day, that Sanji finds this beautiful lady, whom he fell in love with at first sight. He does not know it's actually Zoro - Zoro wants a fresh start with him, so (s)he never told. Sanji finds the strength in him to call off the wedding and elope with female Zoro. Their romance starts all over again - the right way this time, Zoro thinks. They finally found happiness.

It was a sunny day, when another angel found Sanji, while Zoro was out of their home. (who this angel might be is up to you, reader.) But this angel was not kind, they were full of jealousy and hatred, because Sanji stole Zoro from the heavens. They hurt Sanji, leaving him to die. When Zoro came back and found Sanji like this, he was barely alive anymore.

Zoro, overcome by guilt and grief, uses whatever angelic power was left in him, and saves Sanji's life. But this broke the deal with Mihawk, Sanji sees finally sees who female Zoro really was, before Zoro gets taken by Mihawk.

Sanji does not know what happened to Zoro after this, and spends the next years alone, in regret and guilt, always wondering if he one day would meet him again.

Epilogue: One day Sanji finds a green-haired angel by his feet. They were badly hurt, their wings cut off, a huge but mostly healed scar decorating their chest, and their left eye missing. He would take care of this angel until they're healed. And this time, he promises himself, he will not regret anything that is to come.

(If someone would write a fanfic of this, pls do, I can't write for my life and I'd so frigging appreciate being able to read an actual fanfic abt this 🫠)

[ja3yun]

if this seems tone deaf w everything going on rn w that weirdo then im so so sorry but omfg i just finished "I'm a virgin, not a murderer" and im so crushed and sad and wtf wtf wtffff

i'll admit i've been putting off the finale bc i spoiled myself by going into the comments first and seeing ppl mourning bc they died 😭 but i just couldn't get this fic outta my head and i finally gathered myself and finish it and jfc i feel like i just got stabbed right through the heart

this is a testament to your writing, i went through so many emotions while simultaneously admiring the way u've added so much depth to their characters and relationship, like the feeling of always being on edge intertwined so naturally w the tender moments are so so so skillfully written. u've put ur heart and mind into this and i can see that in every worddd

I SO BADLY WANTED THEM TO BE HAPPYYYY 😭😭😭 idk if this has been asked before but was there any other endings in mind? like ik there's probably no way this won't end w/o the mc getting locked up and don't get me wrong despite them dying i still love the tragedy of the og ending, it ties their whole journey together in such a bittersweet way.

also god HEESEUNGGGGG 😭 he has no business having so much man written by a woman energy, jfc this heeseung is the only man i'd fall in love w irl like that's my babyyy 💔 anw he has been the most satisfying character growth i've read in a fic in a While, how he's so easily led by her in the beginning to then taking the initiative to... y'know 🥲

and i love love how much spine the mc has, the walls she's put up and the rough life she's been dealt with makes her so vulnerable and raw when heeseung just shows her pure kindness, the way she's so excited to explore an abandoned amusement park.... ik that feeling 🥲

i've kinda been ignoring it so far but jfc the smuutttt, toe curling, clawing up the walls, shaking, crying, trembling, i've been brought to heaven. no seriously the way u captured pure lust to raw passionate love making— im taking notes and studying, it's so perfectly paced and described like ur genuinely one of the best writers on here and i can't say that enough

anw im so sorry this got kinda too long but i can't help to write paragraphs to my fav writers of how much i've enjoyed their work, i cannot explain how grateful i am to have read such great fics for free like fr u are a saint, and i'll end this off w saying thank u and i'll genuinely love anything u wrote 🫶

listen i will ALWAYS take iavnam appreciation 🩷 that fic really let me explore character development and focus on the relationship and icl i'm so proud of it :(( thank you for reading it and taking the time to leave a message like this !!

there was three endings i had in mind (not including this one) which i don't think i've told anyone?? these are the rough ideas i had

they would escape on the boat and live happily ever after. a bit basic but a cute ending.

heeseung sacrifices himself, gets locked up, and yn gets on the boat and leaves him behind even though she desperately doesn't want to. i had an epilogue in mind that just detailed their letters to one another.

yn pushes heeseung off the cliff and flee. NOW DONT LOOK AT ME W THIS ONE OKAY i thought it would be a fun twist. she never really liked him, just needed him as a scapegoat if they ever did get caught.

i think the ending i chose was the best one icl but maybe the fleeing together one would have been cute too

[eyesanddragons]

Okay so I'm writing a thing about Forgiveness in Wings of Fire and it's occurring to me now that...The Strawberry scene has some serious tonal issues.

Like, I've been thinking of the Strawberry scene as a foreboding bad mess of writing choices so much that I forgot how....actually bad it is.

Even ignoring the moral issues and what not it poses it's just...badly written, in the middle of Darkstalker literally choking and shrinking Kinkajou is gloating. The writing of Darkstalker is all over the place framing him as a simple power hunger manipulative monster again and then they proceed to frame him like a scared child who wanted to do there best.

(Page 353, Darkness of Dragons)

"But my powers!" he cried. His voice was higher, less cavernous and booming now, as his lungs shrank. "All my magic...can't I keep any of it? The mind reading? Wait-" ---------------------------------------- "Didn't I help you?" Darkstalker said in a lost, small voice, looking up at Moon. "Didn't I save dragons, too? I'm not evil...I'm not..."

And like I get there trying to write a desperate villain plea but knowing what we know about Darkstalker it just rings hollow. This isn't Darkstalker grasping for straws, this is Darkstalker, the child, wondering what he did wrong. And as someone who hates Darkstalker the 'not evil' line is genuinely heart breaking.

How are the character's treating this actually horrific scene....welllllllllll

(Page 352, Darkness of Dragons)

"What?" Darkstaker said, choking. "But how I didn't see-" "I know," Kinkajou said proudly. "Never saw me coming! Taking down by a ball of fluff! Who's insignificant NOW frogface!" (She says as she knowingly rewrites a person's mind) ----------------------------------------

(Page 353, Darkness of Dragons)

"I really thought he was going to choose this for himself," Moon said, tipping her head at the shrinking dragon. "Oh, I knew he wouldn't," Kinkajou said. "But I couldn't tell you my awesome plan, obviously"

(Page 354, Darkness of Dragons)

"What in the world?" Moon asked. "Oh, yeah I made him half Rainwing," Kinkajou said, fighting back a giggle. "I thought that would look good for him. And it turned out so pretty!"

...Ok most of these are Kinkajou and I will be unsurprised if this scene made people hate Kinkajou (Really wish Kinkajou was not a vessel of which the worst Wings of Fire writing decisions, literally right after this is the Winter Epilogue and you know how I feel about that!)

But there's a total whiplash, what's going on is horrifying, serious, even without the ethical conundrums, it's a big bad getting defeated, one that killed hundreds of people...and this is how there treating it.

It's...just not that great really. Don't really have much to add I just forgot how bad the Strawberry scene is.

[jaskiers-sweetkiss]

The Mercer Legacy - Epilogue

Pairings: Reggie/Luke/Reader, Willex, Carrie/Julie/Flynn

Warnings: none

a/n: hey so it's been a minute... these funky little guys have truly been haunting me for years now and I've wanted so badly to give you more TML but I just haven't had the inspiration. But I was on a call with @bright-patterson and they mentioned giving TML an ending and I immediately knew what that would be. So, here is an epilogue of sorts.

Masterlist TML Masterlist

Of course the whole thing had to end with the whole crew heading off to college together. Alex, Wilie, Reggie, and Luke are all sharing a dorm (the kind that has 2 2-person bedrooms) and Y/N, Carrie, Julie, and Flynn are all sharing a dorm (the kind where they each get their own bedrooms). And they all live happily ever after or what have you.

I can't guarantee that I'll ever officially write the middle bit to this series but maybe I'll open it up as an AU and you guys can request little scenes here and there if there's any interest! Regardless, I hope this brings you all some closure <3

___

JATP Taglist: @meangirlsx @morganayenneferburnham @n0wornever @bright-molina @reg-peters @calamitykaty @sunsetcurvecuddles @dream-a-little-bigger-x @bright-patterson

TML Taglist: @marinettepotterandplagg @everyonesannoyedwithme @percico-heronstairs @starjane312 @ifilwtmfc @jatphatones @cherrymaybank @sorrowfulfragmentation @stargazing-dreamer-girl @daisybutterlions @mynameisntluke @willex-owns-my-heart @cucumbers-and-olives @90ssunsetcurve @avngrsinitiative @thatfandombitcch @genevieve-the-adventologist @axgelre

[mermaidsirennikita]

How are you liking this season of succession so far? Any predictions on shiv’s pregnancy?

I'm loving it; it had some of the strongest episodes I've seen on the show. I have some thoughts about what it *could* mean re: Jesse Armstrong choosing to end the show after filming the season. On the one hand, I imagine he probably largely had an "epilogue" in mind with s5--which means it would have been a potentially interesting addition, but not necessary. On the other, I feel like it's possible that the looming writer's strike + the shitshow at the fuck factory that is HBO leadership could've factored in. That certainly doesn't mean the season will end up being bad or end badly. Like I said, I'm loving it. But it's just something I wonder about. Is this his ideal ending? It can be superb and not what he would've done if other factors hadn't been present.

The episode where Logan died was deeply moving in a way I can't fully describe. They're teeing Sarah Snook to win the Emmy she's deserve for quite a fucking while now. I find Tom's progression and swinging between pathetic and effective so compelling, and always have. I truly think it's possible that Tom could take it all (assuming we know who takes it all in the end) but it's early yet. Kendall is hitting the beats we've been waiting for... for years.

I went into this season feeling it was fairly likely that Shiv would be pregnant; not so much because of Sarah's pregnancy, but because of the heavy suggestions last season. Imo, for a show about succession... this was also a given. As dark--and invalid--as this is, I don't know that Logan saw Kendall's children as his legacy. Sophie is adopted, and Iverson is neurodivergent in some way (I don't know if he's meant to be interpreted as adopted as well). Logan being the horrible person he is, imo this would declassify both of them as his potential next gen. He would've seen Shiv's child as the true sort of... promise of that future. And he's dead. Lmao.

I don't fully understand the accusations that Armstrong is writing misogynistically when he has Shiv get pregnant; and when he has Shiv get pregnant as she's being passed over in favor of her brothers; and when her pregnancy is this implied thing that further underscores her vulnerability and why she'll never be on the throne. Like, yeah--that's the point. Shiv should be able to be pregnant and not have that affect her. Shiv should be a valid contender (and I have to say, for reasons beyond her gender, she is not; Shiv has not had the formal experience or training on paper that Kendall and Roman have, and that is very likely *because she is a woman*) but very basic things about her, things as basic as her becoming a mother as Kendall became a father, disqualify her in this setting. She's been set up to fail from the start.

Except tbh, failing is kind of winning because they're all vying for this toxic, poison apple of a throne that will give nobody happiness and divorce whoever gets it from their soul. You shouldn't feel like your favorite is winning if they get it. Like, I'm not saying I don't get rooting for your favorite to have moments. I loved Kendall's smug smile that didn't truly hit his eyes in the last episode. I also think he's ending this show physically or emotionally dead.

In terms of the baby, I think it's possible the show ends before she has the baby. I don't see her miscarrying. I don't see her aborting. I can see it ending on this level where she's gonna give birth and you're like "Jesus, that kid is DOOMED". I imagine it will be ambiguous. Shiv aborting is just... I don't really see how that serves the narrative, and I feel like the kind of twisted perspective Shiv has on motherhood--her mother being so emotionally abusive, and the Roy kids always wanting to prove they're better than their parents--means she'll have the kid to prove a point. It will be part of her twisted back and forth with Tom (I love their relationship; it's fascinating and I 100% refute the "Shiv and her horrid husband" narrative lmao, he's horrid but she straight up emotionally abused the man for three seasons, let's not play) and her attempt to validate herself. Sound familiar?

[bamfspock]

Oooooooohhhhh....what's "Rewind" about, pray tell???

(And also, how long is it/how long do you think it will be when you're done with it? I just can't imagine you writing something less than 200k anymore 😅😂)

Ha! It's 'only' 36,605 words so far, and will end up around 40k by the end I think. I actually wrote it a while ago but have been going back and forth on how I want to do the ending now that I've passed the climax. What will be the epilogue, essentially. I'm focused on my Daredevil fic right now because I think I'll be able to have everything but a few 'connector' scenes written by Febuary or earlier if I keep up momentum, and that's gonna be a 300k+ monster lol. So I'd expect Rewind to be ready for beta not long after that, then posting by spring?

As for what it's about, for the snippet I'll just post the first section of the fic, and that should give a good sense of it 😉

[Section Start]

The first time Jim dies, he doesn't realize that he has.

As soon as Kodos finishes his speech, Jim tries to run, just like everyone else, and he actually succeeds in getting away.

As far as he can tell, no one else does.

He's hiding behind the municipal building, panting and shaking and thinking about how the only people who ever gave a damn about him are dead. Mowed down by phaser fire like the rest of the 'lesser' colonists gathered in the square for execution.

The few friends he made are dead, and Uncle Samuel and Aunt Laurie are dead, and his mother and brother are gone, and if he makes it out of this alive he'll have nowhere to go but back to Frank and -

He barely has time to register the fact that a phaser rifle is pointed at him before he's killed.

When he wakes up in his bed in Samuel and Laurie's house, he thinks it was a really vivid nightmare, even if he remembers the details in a way he doesn't usually.

Then at dinner that night Uncle Samuel tells him the news that the colony's crops have been infected by a fast-growing fungus, and Jim thinks that maybe he was wrong. But that's crazy, so he tries to put it from his mind.

A week later Uncle Samuel tells him they've been called to gather in front of the town hall, and Jim knows.

This time he tries to run even before Kodos finishes talking, but one of the soldiers grabs him before he can get away, and he dies with the rest of them.

He wakes up in the same bed again, and this time he doesn't dismiss what he remembers.

It still goes badly. No one will listen to him, because Kodos is popular and up until now he's done nothing but good for the colony. Aunt Laurie starts giving him these worried looks, and he tries not to despair.

When they're all herded into the center of town, he hangs back as much as he can. Samuel and Laurie give him more of those looks, but they hang back with him, standing at the edge of the group.

Before Kodos begins, Jim spots his friends, and several other kids, and he waves them all over. Luckily, most of them come, and he quickly gathers them close and whispers that as soon as Kodos finishes what he's saying that Jim's going to start running, and they should follow.

A couple of them look at him like he's crazy, which he's half convinced he is, but the rest just nod and look scared. When the shooting starts they all go, even Samuel and Laurie, but his Uncle and Aunt are tall and they get picked off before they get very far.

Three of the kids get hit, too, but the rest make it to the municipal building with Jim. This time he doesn't pause, just looks around the corner and takes off again, and the others follow.

~~~~~~~~~~

Four of them starve to death before Jim does, and when he comes to, still inside the cave, and sees all four are there, still alive, he thinks he knows what's happening.

[Section End]

So there it is! TL;DR: basic premise is that when Jim dies time 'rewinds' to a week previous and he wakes up retaining the memory of what happened. It's AOS, so you can just imagine the shenanigans that will ensue lol.

And it's Spirk, of course, but when is it not with me? 😂

[zoyalannister]

hi i came here almost a year ago, when chot came out, as i was very much dissapointed with it i dnf. i hate having books unfinished so i finished it yesterday, and there was a part that i didn't get.

i know it's been so long and maybe you do not want more asks like this, so sincere apologies for it, feel free to delete it.

the thing is near the end, is mentioned thomas and alastair go to flora's place to dinners alongside the rest of the family, so i understand it means james lucie matthew etc. in that passage is metioned anna looks happier than ever had been and she would go to india with flora and ari soon.

i don't understand that scene, first because the tone is like the one who had a tragedy in the family was ari when her parents just divorced and she still sees both. i can understand Flora wanting to reconect with her by going on that trip, but wouldn't it be awkward going with your mother in your first trip with your partner? i can't imagine it

i have a younger brother, he is seven years younger than me, we are close but i guess with a brother you are only three years separated like kit and anna were, the relationship is different. but anyway, i don't get why would she be looking happier than ever she has looked considering little months had passed, also in this said dinners her parents aren't mentioned so are they attending them aswell? wouldn't it be awkward?

i like ari and anna as a couple, but i feel like there are scenes missing to make this sense, flora in the beginning did not like anna so now her going with them in a trip to india and having her eating at her place daily seems off

do you think this paragraph would mean in better in black there will be a storie of both of them and flora?

Hi anon, I am sorry you finished that absolute shitpile of a book.

I am always available to people who discuss why ChoT is indeed pure shit, despite the majority of the fandom saying it's good just because the ships that were obviously canon endgame are indeed canon endgame and/or had a very cringe and badly written sex scene.

Anon, that part doesn’t make any sense just like the rest of the book. All the characters just forgot about Kit and that’s why the book angers me so much: Thomas makes all that ridiculous dramatic scene when he sees Kit's body crying on his knees and saying "It should have been me1!!1!1" but like 15 minutes later he forgets because he's too busy banging Alastair and so he is in the epilogue.

(Yes, I know Cassandra says mourning changed his face, making him more beautiful because a Shadowhunter character involved in a MM ship can’t be ugly otherwise the straight female readers stop buying the books, but everytime Thomas’s thoughts are shown he never mentions Kit and he only thinks about banging Alastair, moving in with him and eventually adopting kids).

The part about Anna being "happier than ever" is just ridiculous. How can she be happy when less than 6 months ago her brother died in her arms?

This is what I mean when I say that this book is an insult to the intellect of the readers.

Since the only positive thing of this absolute shit on fire, besides stating that Kit is both emotionally and academically intelligent, is that I grew fond of Anna and Ari, both as characters and as a ship, I like to think that Anna is hiding/repressing her trauma in front of the others and will permanently move to India with Ari to get away from her trauma. But probably in CC's mind Anna is actually happy because her love for Ari completely erased her mourning.

Anon, make yourself a favour: don’t look for some logic in this shithole of a book. It's just an excuse to write embarrassing miscommunication, cringe sex scenes that are the very, very, very low brand copy of ACOTAR and insulting the intellect of the reader writing the characters super happy 3 days after Kit died but insisting that there are "pages and pages" of the characters mourning Kit.

[buckyownsmylife]

I posted 5,317 times in 2021

1763 posts created (33%)

3554 posts reblogged (67%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 2.0 posts.

I added 3,235 tags in 2021

#eyre talks - 740 posts

#smut - 696 posts

#bucky barnes - 341 posts

#comment reblog - 278 posts

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Longest Tag: 133 characters

#my cousin whisperlullaby would be more than happy to welcome your messages if you want to continue sharing the love with someone else

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

daddy issues - ransom drysdale smut series masterlist

The one where Ransom doesn’t feel ready to become a father, but he should have thought about it before sleeping with a complete stranger.

STATUS: COMPLETED 

When Ransom’s latest one night stand lets him know that he’s going to become a father, he finds himself looking for the qualities he never believed to have so he can become the parent he never got to witness as a child.

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

Part V

Part VI

Part VII

Part VIII

Part IX

Part X

Part XI

Part XII

Part XIII

Part XIV

Part XV

Part XVI

Part XVII

Epilogue

~ drabbles ~

Warnings: pregnancy, smut, terrible family, family fights, self-doubt and inner struggles

A/N: another series that I’m still currently writing. I just really wanted to get some feedback so I can continue to be motivated to write this story, because I’m so excited about it, but writing can become such a lonely job most of the time. Hope you guys like it!

1306 notes • Posted 2021-01-05 00:16:56 GMT

#4

If ur accepting could u write something soft about reader and Cris decor shopping and they find the kid sections and there just like 🥺😩coz both want kids

I thought about this long and hard and I can't stop imagining Chris and reader being best friends who have a baby shower to attend and going into a specialized shop sends them both into a baby fever

"Oh my God," you whisper, holding the tiniest little sock in your hand.

"Chris, look at this!"

And so he did

He didn't want to

He knew the second he focused his eyes on you in this environment

This store filled with babies and everything baby-related

He'd lose the last thread of control he was tightly holding onto, trying to salvage your friendship

Because Lord, did he want to be more than friends

"How can something be this freaking cute?" You asked, showing him the familiar pattern of the shield he held for years in his role as Captain America

And he didn't know if you were referring to the clothing item in your hand or yourself

But it was a close tie in his mind

He swallowed around a dry throat, trying not to focus too much on how badly he wanted to live this experience with you, the same one that had prompted your trip to the store

He hated how his cock hardened at something that was supposed to be innocent and sweet

But you were innocent and sweet and that's why he was sure you'd make the perfect mother

"Chris!" You clasped his wrist, stopping his exploration of onesies, trying to look for the perfect one to give as a gift to your pregnant friend in common

You were staring at a little girl, held by her mother, and she stared at you just as much

She was wearing a kid's costume of your character, and your heart melted at the sight

Chris groaned, not believing what was happening

"Would you take a picture with her?" The mother asked, and you immediately reached out to hold the kid

Chris thought he was going to die, hearing you speak childlike to the baby in your arms, rubbing your nose against hers, and making her giggle

He almost asked the mother for a copy of the photo but held back at the last second

"C'mon, we're gonna be late," he dragged you towards the counter, desperate to get out of the store

You were confused but followed along

You had a party to attend, after all, and you were eager to find out the sex of the baby at the big reveal your friend had planned

Chris was distracted throughout the party

He couldn't tear his eyes away from you

Imagining you with a round belly

You being the one about to welcome a kid into this world

And he realized he couldn't hold back his feelings any longer

Couldn't allow you to go ahead and live out his biggest dreams with some other man

So that evening, when he drove you home, he decided he was going to confess

But you interrupted his plans with a confession of your own

"I really want kids," you sighed, rolling your head to the side to look at him

"If we're both still single in five years, would you have one with me?"

He stopped breathing, unsure of what to say because five years seemed too far away

"I'd have one with you right now," he admitted, to which you giggled, thinking he was joking

"I don't think we're ready for a step that big in the middle of the biggest movie contract we've ever done, dummy."

Silence took over the car as you both thought over what you were discussing

"I mean... We might not be ready for a baby right now, but we sure as hell can practice for it."

You frowned, not understanding what he was implying.

"You wanna babysit?" You assumed, and it was only then that he turned to look you in the eyes.

"I wanna fuck you raw."

1390 notes • Posted 2021-07-14 00:22:13 GMT

#3

Finding You - An A/B/O smut series masterlist

                       The one where you become a pack’s omega

When you end up being transformed into an omega without any understanding of what it entails, five Alphas find themselves responsible for your well-being.  Guess it’s only expected you’d take care of them too, huh? 

General warnings: smut, minor angst, multiple sex partners, brothers all having sex with the same person at the same time but no actual sexual relations between them, so I guess no incest?

Status: in progress

                           I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII - VIII - IX - X

                XI - XII - XIII - XIV - XV - XVI - XVII - XVIII - XIX - XX

XXI - XXII - XXIII - XXIV - XXV - XXVI - XXVII - XXVIII - XXIX - XXX 

                                                          XXXI

A/N: I don’t do taglists so either bookmark this post or follow @buckyownsmylifefics​​ and turn on notifications to know when a new chapter is posted.

This series is intended as a compilation of one-shots, which means that although I’ve written them in a specific order so they have more or less of an arc, it can be read out of order and you can skip whichever chapter you don’t want to read. That being said, I’ll add what are the specific kinks in each chapter so you can skip them if it’s something you’re not that into!

I’m adding a more detailed list of kinks under the keep reading so those who want to be surprised don’t need to be spoiled, but if you have any major triggers please give it a read, as your media consumption is your own responsibility.

Specific warnings: gangbang, poly!relationship, a/b/o dynamics, reverse harem?, shared omega, outdoor sex, size kink, knotting, housewife kink, innocence kink, sound kink, rimming, anal play, anal sex, triple penetration, free use, voyeurism, hate fucking, exhibitionism, orgy, uniform kink, primal play, humiliation kink, degradation kink, spanking, dacryphilia, praise kink, scenting, possessiveness, ruts, begging, edging, somnophilia, sensory deprivation, asphyxiation, hair-pulling, throatfucking, spitting kink, biting kink, deprivation, denial, toys, overstimulation, choking, breeding kink, cumplay, cum marking, creampie, unprotected sex, heats, nesting, lactation play.

1411 notes • Posted 2021-06-21 21:59:01 GMT

#2

Worst Behavior - Chris Evans smut

The one where it was supposed to be a sex scene, but Chris fucked you for real - and he didn’t care that your boyfriend was watching

Warnings: infidelity (reader cheats on oc boyfriend with Chris), smut, exhibitionism, public sex, dirty talk, angst.

Word count: 1.7K

A/N: thank you to my ride or die, @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ for looking this over and giving me her thoughts about it. Writing is such a better process with you to scream about it!

Chris’ P.O.V.

I was seething when I burst through her trailer’s door, so out of my mind that the sight of her raising a hand over her heart, clearly startled, didn’t make me feel even remotely guilty.

“So this is it, huh? We’re gonna film this one last scene, and then you’ll be back by his side, like you and I were nothing, like I never even mean anything to you.” Somewhere inside my troubled mind, a tiny, still emotionally sober part of me saw her wiping a stray tear after it immediately fell from her eye, clearly not wanting to show this sign of weakness in front of me.

But again, I was too out of it to care. I wanted her to hurt, I wanted her to feel the pain that I was feeling, after all she put me through. How could she expect me to leave this set like I was the same man that met her? She had fundamentally changed me, by showing me how to love and be loved, how it was possible to find in a single person the answer to all of my needs and desires for my future.

I couldn’t just go on pretending I didn’t know what I knew now. But that’s what she intended to do. She wanted to leave and keep living in the pretense that nothing had changed, that she was still in love with the man waiting for her on set.

I knew for a fact that wasn’t the case. I knew it because there was no way my feelings were one-sided, no way everything we had gone through had only mattered that much to me. I knew her, probably better than I knew myself. And I knew this was all just fear and anxiety, clouding her mind and stopping her from going after what she truly wanted.

Unfortunately, the only way I could process these emotions at the moment was through anger.

“Is that how you see me?” Her sweet voice surprised me, I didn’t expect her to actually respond to my hurt-filled accusations. “Do you think I’m that cruel, that I would just be able to… to leave and forget you like this?”

I huffed, too inside my own mind to relent now. Yes, this is how I saw her, at least at that moment. She was the cause of my hurt, because she was the object of my desires.

“You’re doing this out of your own free will,” I reminded her. “Don’t try to pretend you’re just some innocent little victim in all of this. You have our fate in your hands, and you’re deciding to let it all go to waste.”

At the sight of tears rolling down her cheeks, my decision to leave was made even before she ordered me out of her trailer. I couldn’t stand to see her cry, couldn’t deal with the knowledge that I was the cause for it.

So, once again, I turned that distress into anger.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The air was chilly on set, and the fact that I was practically naked under the robe didn’t help. Neither did the tension between Chris and I. I wanted to make things right, I wanted to reach over and run my hands over his shoulders, relax the muscles I’d come to know so well. But I couldn’t do that right now. Not with my boyfriend watching us.

So I resigned myself to fiddling with my fingers as we waited for the set to be ready. Since it was one of those artistic sex shots, it would be filmed from a distance and there wouldn’t be any lines or sounds that we had to make, just movements to simulate. Which meant that the few people that were allowed to stay on the set had to watch the whole thing unfold from afar, and we would be free to fake having sex while they filmed us.

I don’t think I realized this could very well be the last time I had Chris this close to me until I had his mouth on mine again. I could still feel the emotions from earlier that day right beneath the surface, boiling his blood as he buried his hand on my hair and devoured my lips like he’d done so many times before.

Good thing the scene called for desperation.

I kissed him back just as desperately, wanting to enjoy every second of this experience, even if it wasn’t exactly what I desired at that time. Chris always kissed me so well, guiding me to where he wanted, and in no time at all he had me sprawled on the bed, underneath his larger body. I couldn’t help but to moan lowly when his lips attached themselves to my jaw, and I felt his smirk against my skin.

I couldn’t blame him. The effect he had on me was incomparable. He had every right to be smug about the sounds he could pull from me, Lord knows I’d cried out his name enough times to permanently puncture my own ear drums.

And still, it didn’t seem like it would be enough. The more he touched me - even if it was under a blanket, for a scene - the clearer it became that it could never be enough. I still wanted him. I wanted him forever, in fact.

But just as the realization occurred to me, his thumb slipped over my covered clit, pressing on the little nub and making me jerk away in surprise. “Shhh…” He directed, making sure to cover my face with his bicep so the camera wouldn’t catch my shock. “Just relax so it doesn’t hurt.”

I didn’t understand what he meant until I felt him pulling the flimsy excuse of underwear aside. That’s when my cunt pulsed, just before he positioned his cock and easily slid right into my wetness.

The feeling of his thickness was too much, especially when I wasn’t expecting it. My mouth fell open in a silent gasp, and he moved his arm so the camera could see it, but also turned his head to the other side so they wouldn’t notice his lips moving as he murmured to me, “Careful, sweetheart. Can’t make any real sounds. Not like the ones I usually pull from you. Wouldn’t want your boyfriend to realize that we’re actually doing it, huh?”

Chris’ P.O.V.

My desire for her ran so deep, I could hear my blood pumping in my veins as I fucked her right in front of her boyfriend. Right in front of everyone from the filming crew, for the camera to see.

I took sick pleasure in knowing this moment would be eternalized for history. Everyone would see just how pretty she looks for me and only for me, and no one would ever know the truth.

No one would ever know the truth. That I had her, that she was mine, but only for a bit. That I got to hold her, and have her screaming my name, but I’d never get to hear it again. I’d never get to have her again.

I didn’t want to have to pretend that I forgot it. Like I didn’t know this other side of her, that we never shared these sexual experiences that felt much more intimate than anything I’d ever shared with anyone else before.

It was hard to pretend that I didn’t care underneath the mask of a character that cared too much, because I was that character. I loved this woman just like he did, and I wanted to show her just how much.

I’d looked for her in everyone I’d met before. Slept with so many women, went out on so many dates, and now here she was, clenching around my cock, reaching for my hand and still, she wasn’t mine.

How can you keep looking for the love of your life if you’ve already met them?

And even if there was emotion - and there was so much emotion, ours or of our characters, it didn’t matter anymore - this felt so dirty, dirtier than anything else we’d ever done before.

I’d had her in so many ways, and still, having her now, right in front of him, brought new feelings I never expected to feel. And I couldn’t suffer through them alone. I needed to make sure she’d acknowledged it too.

“He has no idea, you know,” I whispered, low enough so the only person who could hear was her. Her eyes met mine in surprise, but she kept in character, while I took advantage of my position to taunt her more. “No one has. No one knows you only look like this when you have my dick inside of you.”

A moan broke free from her, making me smile inwardly even though I couldn’t smirk like I wanted to. I let go of one of her hands to push a few strands of hair away from her face, so both the camera and I could get a good vision of her expression.

“You’re such a good girl for me, honey. He could never get you like this. Only I can do that.” The way she clawed at my back made it obvious that I was right. And still, the reality of our situation didn’t allow for me to feel any sort of pride in that.

I didn’t want to stop. I didn’t want to cum and have to pull out of her, let her go back to him and their life as I was left by myself. “I can’t let you go,” I admitted, and her eyes opened up to meet mine, a slight sparkle of understanding in them. “Not like this,” I continued. “Not ever.”

And still, my hips picked up the pace and brought us to that old familiar high, right when I came to terms with the fact that I’d have to leave her. “Baby,” I whispered, this time knowing the microphone would pick it up.

Our eyes connected once more, but this time, there was mostly pain, from my gaze and from hers. I stood there for as long as I could, thumbs brushing over her cheekbones, until the director’s voice freed us from the scene, and then I was forced to leave.

Before I did though, I had one last thing to say.

“I don’t want to have to miss you.”

One thing was certain. It would be impossible to remain professional during the press conference.

1633 notes • Posted 2021-03-04 09:55:14 GMT

#1

Follow you - Chris Evans smut

The one where Chris becomes your roomate and finds out he has a domesticity kink... and more

Warnings: Smut, breeding kink, domesticity kink, friends to lovers, rommates au, pandemic mention, hair-pulling kink, daddy kink, cockwarming, kind of allusion to an age gap, but can be read as reader being into teasing chris

Word count: 4.1k

A/N: Thanks to @mollygetssherlockcoffee​ for reading this over and helping me make it better! You’re the sweetest person ever!  this is for my own birthday celebration challenge! Like I explained here, I’m going to try to fill every single AU I listed with the characters I picked for the challenge, and since the deadline if May 27, these fics will be posted randomly, as I finish them. Hope you guys like it!

Chris’ P.O.V.

“C’mon, sweetheart,” I’d been trying to convince her to close her laptop for the last two hours, unfortunately without any luck. She just glanced at me before returning to her document, and I groaned as I left the living room in search of what I knew we needed.

“Close the laptop and I’ll give you a sip.” This time when she looked up, she found me holding a bottle of my most expensive whiskey, the one she’d been dying to try ever since she first got invited to my place.

It was a tense moment of evaluation while she took in my offer and her workload, her head turning from her computer to me and then back to the device again, and I found himself growing anxious because of how desperately I wanted her company that night.

“Please?” I tried to convince her, even going so far as to pout - which at least earned me a giggle. I considered it a win, especially with the way it made my chest warm up. “C’mon, we deserve it! After the week we had?”

She frowned when she thought back on the stresses we had confided in each other for the last couple of days, and I watched with glee when she slowly closed her laptop, prompting me to wave my arms around in victory. “We?” She teased, getting up to stand before me with her arms crossed in front of her body, making me laugh.

“Alright, so maybe just you.” I couldn’t really deny that my work “problems” paled in comparison to hers. “Listen, I’m only trying to help.” She narrowed her eyes at me, reaching out for the bottle and unscrewing it before taking the sip I’d promised.

“Shit, this really is good.” A smug smile took over my face as I wrapped my arms around her, walking us back to the couch before making us fall over it.

“Only the best for you, babe.” I watched her roll her eyes at the pet name, snickering at how it affected her. I knew it made her giddy and she hated it, it’s why I insisted on doing it - or so I told myself.

Something deep inside of me whispered differently, though. I tried to ignore it. She was my best friend and we were going to be living together for the foreseeable future. No one knew when this pandemic would let up.

And lord knows that nothing positive had ever come out of my investments in romantic relationships. So every rational thought in my mind was begging me not to overcomplicate this. I couldn’t stand to lose her friendship, anyway. That’s why I had invited her to spend lockdown with me - my need to know she was okay, and be able to have her around whenever I needed to vent.

She was the only one outside my family who got my anxiety well enough to help me work through it when I was feeling bad, and she had even been able to prevent me from having panic attacks more than once.

I just couldn’t imagine going through this with anyone other than her. I simply hadn’t anticipated how fucking horny this period of forced sexual privation would make me, and I never expected her to become a willing victim to my needs.

But boy, once the liquor hit and she ended up over my lap, shivering as she rode my thigh without a care in the world, was I glad that she did.

“Is this what you like?” I asked, looking up at her with my mouth hanging open, unbelieving of how fucking sexy she looked as she used my body for her pleasure. I didn’t even care that my cock was straining against my jeans, begging me to move her on top of it. As long as I could keep enjoying the show, being a part of it, I was satisfied.

“I wanna learn it,” I pressed, moving my hands to hold her ass, squeezing it the way I’d always wanted to do but never allowed myself to dream about. “I wanna learn how to please you.” She made me feel something I hadn’t felt before, in any of my past relationships. There was attraction, of course, but there was also this deep, familiar feeling that made me feel at home. It made me feel safe, and with the help of alcohol, I was desperate to explore it.

“Ugh,” she groaned, letting her head fall back, drawing my attention to her breasts, the way they bounced in front of my eyes, unfortunately still covered. My mouth watered at the sight of it, wanting nothing much than to strip her bare and wrap my lips around one of her nipples.

“Don’t say stuff like that, Evans.” The comment threw me off, making me frown as I took a hold of the hair on the back of her head and yanked her to me, devouring her lips. They were soft - so much softer than I’d ever allowed myself to imagine.

“Why not?” I panted against her mouth once I was forced to separate from her taste of whiskey to search for some oxygen. She kept moving, her eyes hazy and glossed over, and it sent a pang of lust straight down my body when I realized it wasn’t completely due to the drinks we shared. There was also desire in there.

“You want to learn?” She asked, hands bunching up my shirt as she used her hold to grind against me faster. “Then fuck me, Chris.” She molded her body to mine, engulfing my lips once more as I laid her down on the couch, excited to have her underneath me - excited to see her naked body, explore it, get to know every little thing that made her tick.

I knew it would be a moment I’d forever remember, regardless of the amount of bourbon in my blood. I just never expected it to become something I was so eager to relive over and over and over again.

It was supposed to be a one time thing. When I woke up in the morning, I was ready to go back to being roommates. We were good at that. She was a morning person, by the time I woke up every morning, she already had breakfast ready for me, and then we’d go out to the backyard to let Dodger out together.

We’d sit and talk and then I’d go for a run - she’d have done her yoga already, while I was still asleep - I’d answer some e-mails, she’d work on her laptop by my side and the silence was just as comfortable as all of our late night conversations.

She’d sneak out to the kitchen and come back with a few sandwiches for our lunch, and then the rest of the day would go by with us doing whatever mundane task we had in mind, together even if we were doing separate things, and I didn’t feel suffocated.

I didn’t even run out of things to say. By the time dinner rolled around and I followed her back to the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes while she fixed us dinner - I wasn’t allowed to cook in my own stove, mostly because she was terrified of my food but hid it under the excuse of that one time when I started a fire - then we’d eat together, watch a movie together, talk until we fell asleep - always together.

I was shocked. It’d never been this way in any of my previous relationships. In fact, I was certain it was the reason why they had never worked. I’d given up on any realistic expectation of settling down precisely because of this: I just never expected to find anyone with whom a day-to-day life wouldn’t eventually grow boring.

It’d been three months and I still loved to wake up to her coffee. We still fell asleep every night side by side, too tired to move into different beds because we had laughed our asses off after skyping Scott.

And now that sex came into play in our relationship? I just knew there was no way I’d ever go back to being nothing but friends - or living in a place where she wasn’t the first person I saw when I woke up.

It sucked that it took a pandemic and a night of alcohol to make me realize that, but damn, was I grateful that I decided to open a bottle of whiskey that evening.

I kept waiting for the catch, the moment it would all go to shit, but it never came. Our lives resumed to how they used to be, only now I had this ongoing inner battle to not just bend her over the nearest piece of furniture when we were busy, and the ability to do exactly that whenever there was nothing else to do.

And for a while it was bliss. There wasn’t a nagging voice inside my head questioning this arrangement because it was theoretically perfect. I had a best friend, a roommate and a fuck buddy, all wrapped into one single person that I adored.

Life couldn’t possibly get better - until I realized that I wanted more. Talks of lockdown being over started and she had plans of going back to her place, of course, but I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her.

I wanted to see my family too, but I wanted to take her with me. Introduce her to my mom, see her get along with my sisters. Witness how she’d be with my nephews and nieces - I knew how much she loved kids. And that’s when it hit me.

I’d given my heart to her. Somewhere between the morning coffees and afternoon runs, the nights where I’d rant about all of my silly problems and she actually listened to them - really listened, never making me feel bad about what could only be described as rich people problems.

All the innocent little gestures, and the not so innocent ones - when I discovered she was exactly the nasty slut I’d always dreamed of, the way she would randomly drop to her knees and suck me off, even while I was on the phone. Most times she didn’t even let me repay the favor. She just genuinely liked to blow me.

She also liked to play with me randomly, like when we were watching a movie and she mindlessly reached for my crotch, rubbing me until I got hard. It almost always ended in sex, and I just loved it.

I loved it, and I loved her, and the idea of her ever sharing this idyllic lifestyle with anyone else made me irrationally jealous.

And that’s how I knew it. I didn’t want to mess it up. But how could I not fuck this up?

Xxx

“Chris…” Her sweet voice called out to me, reaching my ears while I was hiding in my office, trying to get my thoughts in order so I wouldn’t just randomly blurt out what I was feeling for my best friend to my best friend.

To her credit, she didn’t try to force me to keep her company - but that only made me fall even deeper for her, leaving me a complete and utter mess while she went about her day as if nothing was wrong in the world.

“Yes?” I looked up to see her by the threshold, clearly reticent about invading my privacy. It made me smile, thinking back on all of the times my exes hadn’t been as understanding, even after I let them clearly know what I was needing.

“I made cupcakes, do you want me to bring you one?” The thought of her in the kitchen, baking a sweet treat just for me had my cock twitching in my pants. Biting my lips, I pushed away from my desk to finally get up and stretch my legs, taking advantage of the monitor to hide my hard-on.

“No, I’ll come eat them downstairs with you.” She smiled before leaving, and I soon trailed after her, walking into the kitchen to find the most delicious-looking little treats, just waiting to be devoured.

Much like her, I supposed.

I was reaching for one of them, already licking my lips in anticipation when something caught my eye, prompting me to raise my gaze and look at her again, but really look at her this time.

She was wearing an apron.

There was nothing inherently sexual about the damn thing, but the way she looked with it, going about her business in my kitchen like she owned the place… It just felt right, seeing her there.

And suddenly I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Y/N…” I started, leaving the cupcake back on the counter and brushing off the crumbs as I circled the kitchen island to go stand in front of her. She hummed before turning to meet me, smiling slightly to signal that she was listening to what I had to say.

But I didn’t know how to say it. So we just stood there, staring at each other until eventually her smile became a frown. “Chris, what’s going on?” I still couldn’t speak. Much to my absolute surprise though, she just sighed, wiping her hands on the apron while shaking her head, a knowing smile on her face.

“You’re stressed, aren’t you? You’ve been working so much, that’s why I thought the cupcakes would be a good idea,” she explained nodding towards the tray where her sweet treats laid. “They’re a reward and a break all wrapped in one delicious cake.”

The comment was like a punch to the stomach - or a scalding wave of desire rushing through my body, straight to my groin. The idea of her thinking about my needs and catering (quite literally) to them just did something to me, and I didn’t know how to explain it - I don’t think I understood it myself.

“But since they didn’t work…” she continued, blissfully unaware of the conundrum she had put me into. “I know something else that will definitely work.” And just like that, the woman dropped to her knees in front of me, reaching for my sweatpants before I could find a way to close the mouth that was hanging open.

“I guess I’ll grab a sweet treat for myself.” She looked so devious, small hand encircling my already pathetically engorged member, that all I could do was whisper an, “Oh, shit,” when she immediately wrapped her lips around it,  starting to suck me off without any preamble.

My fingers were white as I held onto the counter behind me to keep myself up. She looked so good, staring up at me with her lips wrapped around my dick, I felt like I was about to blow already.

Why did she have to be such a fucking tease?

“Oh, God,” I moaned when she managed to engulf the entirety of my member inside her throat, the choking noises getting to my head. My hand instinctively laced with her hair, first to hold her lips close to my navel, then to pry her completely off of my member.

“What’s wrong?” She questioned once she was able to speak, surprise written all over her features while I was still staring down at her slightly teary face and trying to find my voice.

“I-I have a problem.” There. I said it. I had finally made some progress in my goal to let her know what was going through my head. Only instead of curiosity, what I got was a confused expression from the woman still holding my dick, her eyes darting from my own to the member throbbing between her fingers.

“No, you don’t!” It would have been funny if I wasn’t so fucking frustrated. Yanking her by the hair, I complained, “Not that kind of problem!” pulling her to the living room so I could throw her on the couch, trying to ignore her moans of pleasure in the process.

I’d figured out pretty early on that she had a pretty serious hair-pulling kink, and if my plans of sitting down and having a level-headed conversation were ever in motion, they surely went out of the window the second she pulled my body down to cover hers and adjusted my cock so it would easily fill her.

“Son of a…” I groaned, letting my head fall down against her chest as the little vixen gleefully giggled underneath me, legs wrapped around my torso as she tried to thrust up and tempt me to move.

“Just wait a second,” I managed to reason, but she just shook her head.

“Fuck away your problem, Chris. Use me. I want you to.” Motherfucker. I really couldn’t catch a break with her. Just as she started to make me move again, my hand instinctively wrapped around her neck, lightly squeezing it just enough to get her to shut up.

“I wanna start a family with you,” I finally spilled, looking deep into her eyes as I tried to ignore that I was still balls deep inside of her. Her eyes widened, and now her mouth was the one hanging open.

I couldn’t really relish in it because she looked absolutely delicious and she felt stupidly heavenly to my throbbing dick.

A few seconds went by without as much of a reaction from her and I was about to pull out - despite still being achingly hard - but her legs held me tighter, stopping my plans of leaving her tight haven.

“You know…” She started to speak, a little out of breath, catching my attention as I finally gathered the courage to look her in the eye again. “When I first met you, I thought you were the epitome of a fuckboy.”

The unexpected sentence had me snorting, and then I just couldn’t stop laughing. Finally pulling away from her, she fixed her hair when she sat up and I did the same, shaking my head slightly as I rubbed my eyes.

Our own relative nakedness - well… mine, she was wearing her usual dress with no underwear under the damn apron - didn’t affect anything when I pondered over her words, until I decided to break the silence.

“I mean… I think I was?” She chewed on her bottom lip as she took in my response, analyzing it, weighing its validity in that gorgeous head of hers. I was nervous, but she hadn’t blew me off yet. And quite honestly? I’d do anything for that little hope that was growing inside of me.

“What changed?” Was her question, so unexpected I couldn’t help but question, “Huh?”

“What made you change?” It wasn’t an unwelcome inquiry, especially when the response became clear to me, lighting up my brain and warming my chest, spreading all over my body until I had no choice but to voice it.

“I realized I could have a future with you.” My smile was vulnerable but honest, and in her eyes, I could see that she knew that. When she threw one leg over my lap, straddling my hips, I allowed myself to breathe deeply again, leaning on the soft cushion while taking a hold of her ass.

“So, how are we gonna do this?” She non-nonchalantly asked, slowly rubbing herself against my still half-hard member. I groaned when I realized the implication of her words, knowing that the meaning paired with the feeling of her wet lips dragging along my cock would get it back up in no time at all. “You wanna do me right now?”

The brashness of the question made my eyes light up, as weird as it may sound. In that moment, it became clear just how perfect for me she really was, giving me what I needed exactly in the way I didn’t know how to ask for it.

“See? This is why I’m in love with you.” She rolled her eyes at that, making me laugh. I’d anticipated the gesture, I knew it’d take her longer to say it, but it was alright. The fact that she was willing me to give me a child was more than enough proof of her feelings for me, if her entire behavior ever since she moved in wasn’t already.

“Shut up and fuck me, Evans.” Throwing her back against the couch, she yelped in surprise when I took off my shirt and slapped the inside of her thigh, assuming my usual position of hovering over her smaller frame.

“Spread your fucking legs, darling. I’m gonna fuck you real good.” The way she bit her lip as I slowly penetrated her again showed me just how excited the prospect got her, and as I started to make good on my promise, her moans told me just as much.

“Holy fuck,” she commented as I pounded her ruthlessly, weeks of frustration and the rush of anticipation getting the best of me, and I was glad for the feeling of her nails biting into my skin because otherwise, I’d probably run over the edge of not even caring about her own pleasure as I chased mine.

“You gonna cum inside of me, honey? Make me a mom? Finally fulfill your dream of becoming a daddy?” Her words detracted me from my task of sucking bruises on the skin that was now mine to bruise, mine. I threw my head back, yelling a, “fuck yes,” as my hips sped up, desperate to fill her up, but I was determined to get her to cum before me.

“Say it,” she ordered, small hand circling my throat as best as she could, a throwback to what I’d done only moments prior. It wasn’t enough to choke me, but it did catch my attention. “I wanna hear you say it.”

Tears escaped the corners of my eyes as I blinked, the intensity of the moment overwhelming in the best of ways. “God, you are such a fucking tease…” She chuckled underneath me, giving my throat a squeeze before she raised up on her elbows to kiss my jaw.

“Better get used to it… daddy.” And just like that, I realized that I had yet another kink I hadn’t known about before her. Or maybe it was just her, and I was obsessed with the damn woman, painfully turned on by every little thing that she did.

“I’m gonna cum deep inside your little pussy, sweetheart,” I finally gathered myself enough to do as she asked me to. “You’re gonna belong to me forever now. Give me kids, make me happy. How do you like that?”

The mischievous grin she gave me told me everything. “I love it.” I knew this was her way of saying what she couldn’t yet voice, and I’d take it. I’d take anything she gave me, any chance I got to love this wonderful woman.

We came together, both riding our highs in deep ecstasy. I moaned when I felt myself empty all of my seed inside of her, incredibly excited about the prospect of starting our future together right then.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” I cradled her face in my hands as I struggled to catch my breath, but she turned it to the side and pressed a kiss to my palm and I was breathless all over again. It was such a simple action, why did it get to me so much?

“You’re not too bad yourself, Chris.” I didn’t want to part with her warmth, so I just adjusted us on the sofa in a way that kept me inside of her, sighing contently as I realized I’d never have to sleep away from her again.

“I’m gonna stay right here all night.” I adjusted myself so I was resting my face on her boobs, perfectly happy to do just so, but by the tone of her voice, I knew she had a teasing smile when she called me an, “Old man.”

“And here I was, thinking you’d be able to go again.” Warmth filled my chest at the realization of just how badly she wanted me - just as much as I wanted her too. I was so damn ecstatic. Not even her pokes at my age would be able to affect me.

“Oh, darling… better get ready,” I warned as I adjusted myself to hover over her again, taking notice of the excited glint in her eyes, the way she bit her lip as she stared back at me. “I’m never gonna get enough of you.”

The next morning, I added a new kink to the list of random bits of information that were driving me slowly insane as I felt the overwhelming need to bend the woman that I now got to call ‘mine’ over the nearest piece of furniture and rail her until I had cummed deep inside her pussy: seeing her in my shirt while cooking breakfast.

Yeah, I was going to live a happy life by her side.

1953 notes • Posted 2021-04-22 17:48:59 GMT

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