#i wanted to highlight sebastian's reaction here

[hjea]

1899 - The Key

“Tut mir leid, Captain.”

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

Prince Soma: possibly being the key that causes Ciel to have a conflict with Sebastian?

I don't know if im the first one to notice how Anime!Abberline and manga! Prince Soma have some very striking parallels when it comes to their relationship to O!Ciel, which made me realize a few things.

First of all, I do think that some concepts of season 1 in general do parallel to the manga. Here's an excellent analysis on the topic if you want to dive deeper on that area.

Alright, let's start with me drawing some parallels to make this analysis more digestable, and then explaning how this will theoretically give us a conflict between the demon butler and our petty child.

Basically, Abberline drawing the similarties with our earl due to a shared trauma/tragedy: They both lost their families, but one learned to heal from the event, and the other completely refuses to accept happiness. (guess who's who, lol)

Fundamentally, O!Ciel is creating a hypothetical comparassion: If he hadn't gone through his personal tragedy, then he would've been as naive and innocent as Soma.

Something to consider about this parallel: The narrative in both cases textually highlights the similarities between Ciel and Abberline/Soma.

O!Ciel saying he only needs pawns, and that he has no time to have real emotional connections with people.

O!Ciel saying he uses people as pawns and doesn't see Soma as a friend, he doesn't need him by his side.

Notes to take here:

In both of these instances, o!Ciel refueses to form real human connection.

Both of these convesations spark up due to confrontation about o!Ciel's true intentions and nature.

His face is turned on both scenes/pannels, making us question how genuine o!Ciel's words are.

"Keep your distance from me, or you'll get killed" - Ciel to Abberline, season 1 episode 20

o!Ciel explicitly stating why he kept Prince Soma at arms lenght. He didn't want him and Agni to get hurt/killed in result of their closeness to our earl.

Things to point out:

o!Ciel's entire reason to push people away is because he doesn't want them to get hurt, so his earlier refusal to cut ties with others is due to fear and hestiance to accept love.

Abberline got hurt because of his relationship with o!Ciel, likewise with Soma. Causing our earl to display emotional reactions in both cases, demostrating he does care for the people close to him.

While Abberline ended up dying due to his closeness to our earl, Soma did survive the attack in chapter 125, but a part of him died with Agni as shown in the image below:

Remember when o!Ciel said that he would've turned out like the prince if it weren't for the amount of abuse and grief he went through? Well, isn't it ironic that Soma is turning out exactly like o!Ciel after losing Agni: Turning his back to salvation, his heart longing for revenge after the injustice he was put through.

(I also want to point out, Yana had made a statement that Prince Soma was originally going to die instead of Agni, but changed her mind in respect for Agni's character.)

Now, lets run back to the title of this post:

"You do have a chance to move forward, to build a brand new future for yoursef. Don't ever forget that, promise, you won't." - Abberline, Black Butler season 1, episode 20

Before our dear investigator dies, he states that he wants o!Ciel to open up his world despite his desire for revenge.

How does this connect to Soma's resolve and his relationship to Ciel? Well...

Here, our prince boasts that he wants to become o!Ciel's "Agni." In other words, he wants to provide his friend with love and protection, creating a positive worldview for the earl, who continues to turn away from the light.

It's important to note that this was before Soma thought o!Ciel killed Agni! But of course, I feel like his initiaal intentions to help o!Ciel will come back when he finds out o!Ciel isnt the true killer. (also, Soma now has Agni's powers, so atleast physically, he already has his strenght that he will hopefully use to protect the ones around him.)

So, now what?

Anime!Abberline and Soma having a similar resolve for o!Ciel, as well as their relationship with him. (as if it isn't clear enough, Abberline died protecting o!Ciel, making the earl realize his own life has value).

Prince Soma has his back turned away from the light, and o!Ciel will witness this eventually. I think it's crystal clear that our earl wouldn't want the prince to make this decision, but wouldn't that make him doubt his own quest for revenge?

Circling back to Yana intending for Soma to die, there could be a chace for him to die while becoming o!Ciels "Agni", causing o!Ciel to realize how Soma died protecting him due to love and not bc of revenge, making him question everything about his own resolve??? Plus, if o!Ciel willingly gives his life now, then that would make Soma's sacrifice worthless.

There could be a slight chance, Prince Soma survives this whole ordeal, and completes his mission of protecting o!Ciel without dying. In this hypothetical, he would then decide to florish again and go back to india, which could give o!Ciel a similar relazation that maybe, his life is worth living, just like Soma's.

In the anime, Abberline's sacrifice causes our earl to truly question his contract with Sebastian, as well as his need for revenge.

This causes the demon to feel obvious anger towards his master. And throughout the following episodes, he desperately attempts to make the earl feel hopeless again. (he clearly doesn't want to lose the meal he has been working on for years).

In conclusion:

Theres plenty of textual evidence that Soma and the earl have lots in common, especially now that the prince lost someone and vows to get revenge.

o!Ciel and Soma's relationship with revenge as of now are in a similar stance, but Soma's initial idea of protecting o!Ciel and living for love instead of revenge will come in fruition soon enough.

What would be the point of having glaring obvious parallels, and not taking advantage of them to further create a long awaited conflict between the two main characters, additionally developing them?

Anyways, that's all I have to say folks! I hope you enjoyed my take and please, let me know your thoughts:)

[eff-plays]

But Astarion does seem to feel guilt/remorse when meeting the 7k spawns… idk it feels sometimes he does feel guilt and sometimes he’s just heartless.,

If this is in response to this post I made, then that post was in response to this and also some other fandom bullshit.

So I'm not saying Astarion doesn't feel remorse ever, but highlighting that at the core of his being, he is deeply selfish and self-serving, which a lot of fandom seems to either excuse away, or pretend is super good actually.

Here's the thing. Astarion does feel remorse ... in the Spawn ending. And obviously he feels no remorse in the Ascendant ending. So what happens with reglier ol' Asty? Well, he's not letting himself feel remorse. Because he's still not ready for it. He's still afraid of it. And like, yes! That's a totally logical thing for his character to do in that moment.

My problem is what people do next, and it's that they assume that his being this fucked up is actually an excuse to be a shithead to his victims and to others. That we should extend sympathy only to him and not to the people he's hurt.

"Well he was forced into it!" And? If I was forced into hurting someone else for my own survival, I'd still feel bad for hurting them? Most people would. I'm not saying Astarion doesn't, but that is distinctly how he acts. Which makes sense, self-defense mechanism etc etc. And stans agree that yes, he does supposedly feel guilt but he can't express it. So why do they excuse it when he instead chooses cruelty?

Again, I'm not making a moral judgment on him, he's a fictional character. I think what he does is (generally, I agree the reaction to the kids vs Sebastian is a bit odd) logical and makes sense for what he is. But pointing out those flaws of his, that were written like that on purpose, that are acknowledged flaws both in- and out-of-universe, doesn't make someone "gross" or a bad person. People disliking Astarion for his bad traits aren't automatically bad people who just don't get him.

He's a dick! He's written to be a dick! It's fine if people don't vibe with it or joke about killing him or do outright kill him! Will they miss out? Yes! But that's their perogative. People not liking Astarion, or hell, just doing something as innocuous as pointing out that he's kind of a huge asshole, are not uwu missing the point or being "gross" or whatever. They are acknowledging a fundamental and undisputable part of his character.

You can't on one hand wax poetic about how complex he is and how he lashes out because he's in such deep pain, and then take issue with people who point out how he lashes out and how it hurts others when he does so.

Speaking of, the thing about his reaction to the spawn kids? And how he supposedly feels bad but can't express it? He's all about killing them again! He wants to kill them! And when does he express remorse over both this wish and his actions toward them when he first victimized them? In the Spawn ending. The one that requires you to tell him no. Don't do that shit. It's bad. What you want is bad for you and for everyone else, even if it makes sense why you want it.

As a friend pointed out, it is kind of wild to see how life imitates art. In order for Astarion to get better, you need to acknowledge and push back against his cruelty and challenge his view of the world. That includes challenging his shitty coping mechanisms and reactions to things. And yet, it seems some people can't even do that.

You can acknowledge the complexities of his writing without using it as a cudgel against any and all criticism. And in particular, you can sympathize with him without attacking anyone who doesn't have the same level of sympathy, for usually quite understandable reasons.

Like I keep saying. Just because you understand how he acts doesn't make it somehow correct!

Anyway, sorry about that. I just had some thots because my brain is so big and full of worms.

[watercolor-hearts]

idk if i’m too late, but since i know there is a lot going on rn i wanted to still send this bc i thought it’s really cute

so prompt 2 from the small things that matter in romance with simi? (maybe enby seb trying on a new dress for the first time?)

anyways, love you v stay stong and be safe 🖤

Dear Nyx, you're never too late. (I'm the one who's usually too late. Just like now.) You (and everybody else) can always send prompts, not only when the prompt list is on the top of my profile. ❤

Love you too. ❤

@wolfsbanesbite Hi dear, since you and Nyx sent me the same prompt, I've dediced to just put your ask here because I think it's better than posting the same story twice. 😊

Do you remember this drawing I made back in February? Because I do and wanted to write a story for it for so long but never actually did. Until now. 😉 (Not a whole story with everything in it, only a short one. ❤)

Enby Seb and Kimi preparing for the Autosport Awards gala, enby Seb's first public appearence in feminine clothing.

Thank your for sending the prompts and sorry for the long wait. I hope you'll like the story. 😊

Seb/Kimi • 834 words • non-binary Seb • feminine clothing • makeup • fluff • supportive Kimi • happy vibes, happy life (😂❤) • Ao3 link

-

“I should've bought a bra for this, don't you think?” Seb asked, observing themselves in the mirror in their red dress, Kimi standing behind them. “I feel like it's a bit flat here,” they gestured towards their chest where the material of their cowl neck dress lay with perfect loose drapes between the two golden chain strands on their shoulders. 

“Well, if what I say matters, I think you look perfect the way you are,” Kimi said, sliding both of his hands down on Sebastian's torso, feeling the perfect shape of his partner's body, and then leaning closer to their neck to hint a kiss on it, making Seb's heart pick up pace and their cheeks turn pink. “But if you want, next time we can buy you a bra, I'm sure we can stuff it with socks or something,” he added, making Seb laugh genuinely. They've always appreciated Kimi's help and problem-solving skills. 

“I don't even know what I would do without you,” they said, turning around to look into Kimi's eyes, a soft smile on their face. 

“Well, the good thing is that you don’t have to think about it.”

“I’m so lucky,” Seb smiled, their heart filled with love.

“I have something for you,” Kimi said while trying to fish something out of his pocket, “to make the look complete. I hope you like it,” he gave the little red box to Seb and looked at their face to see their reaction. He really hoped Sebastian would like his gift.

“What’s—” Seb wanted to ask as they lifted the lid of the box but when they saw the light catching the beautiful, golden jewelry, they couldn’t believe what they saw. “Oh my God, Kimi!”

“Clip-on earrings because you’ve always wanted to try them,” Kimi explained, “And a necklace to highlight the beauty of your neck.”

Seb had to blink a few times to make the tears go away. They didn’t want to cry because the lady in the makeup store told them it's not a good idea to cry when they have mascara on. They went for the waterproof one just to make sure.

“What do you think?” Kimi asked a few moments later. “I tried to buy something simple because I don’t know if y—”

“I—I just…” Seb wanted to say something but they couldn’t find the right words, so instead they went for a hug and then a kiss. These two things tell more than words.

“Do you want to try it on?”

“Of course I do,” Seb nodded, clipping on the first earring with trembling hands and then the second one too. 

“And here comes the necklace,” Kimi said in a soft tone as he put it on and clipped it so that Seb could adjust it a bit to make sure the pendant was centered.

Seb took a few steps towards the mirror to take a closer look at their new jewelry (and completed look) and the euphoria they felt was so new and unexpected that they didn’t even know what to do or say, they just stood there with sparkling eyes and a huge grin on their face. 

“You look amazing,” Kimi said, touching Seb’s hand and lifting it up to twirl them and make them feel like a princess.

“I feel amazing,” Seb grinned while turning around, the bottom part of their red evening dress flying in the air as well as their golden curls. “I feel… I… I don’t even know how to describe it. I feel free. I… I feel like I’m myself. I’m not scared anymore. I feel confident.”

“I’m so proud of you for taking this big step. You shouldn’t have given a fuck about what people think. What matters is that you’re free and you’re your true self. People who don’t like this don't deserve to be a part of your life.”

They've never felt luckier to have Kimi in their life. They don't have to do this alone. They're not alone, and that's the most important – to have somebody they can always count on. And Seb can always count on Kimi. From the very first moment.

“I couldn’t have done this without you,” Seb looked into Kimi’s icy blue eyes, falling in love over and over again, “Thank you.”

“Glad to be with you along this journey,” Kimi said, leaning closer for a quick kiss. He really wanted to give Seb more than a kiss but he knew the taxi would be there at any minute.“We should go now,” he said after, “We’ll be late if we don’t hurry up.”

“I can’t wait to be there” Seb exclaimed, quickly getting their red purse and taking a quick last look at the mirror to see if everything was perfect and their lipstick and weren’t too smudged.

“Are you ready?” “Kimi asked, holding out his hand for Seb who then interlocked their fingers and hinted a kiss on them.

“I’ve never felt more ready in my life.”

“Then let’s go.”

[my-tones]

I'mma ask the Rasmodious one later cause I want revenge!(ʘ言ʘ╬) Kk so I want part 2 about Seb cheating on farmer(^▽^), k so I want Seb to fell out of love on the lady(hehehe)and realized that he love farmer and was happy about his life with farmer, the farmer can be with another bachelor(≧▽≦) or you can make them together again if you want oh! Can you write the reaction of pelican town about the cheating? And maybeee father figure Rasmodious?(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) Cause it will be interesting (I still simp for anime portrait tho just want the reaction) k so bye!(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

B) I gotchu (ps I did kinda take some creative liberties, I know it'd be better to keep it vague but I had a bit of an idea yk?) (The theory that Abigail is secretly Rasmodious's daughter is practically canon in my head btw so it is canon in my writing unless otherwise requested)

Warning: light profanity, sex mentioned (not explained)

Towns reaction to initial cheating (Highlights)

Sam was disappointed in his friend. He thought you were cool! And you were so good to him. He couldn't have picked a better s/o for his friend. He stops talking to Seb as much, wouldn't talk to him at all if it weren't for the band. Doesn't consider him a friend anymore.

Abigail is also disappointed, but she gets it. She's lighter on Seb than Sam is.

He refuses to tell his family, so they don't even know, but they're so curious, especially Robin.

Rasmodious is PISSED. He noticed your behavior was off when you were bringing him some mushrooms he had requested, and had pulled the story out of you. He mumbled something about needing to protect those young girls in town from someone like him before sending you off. You noticed from here on he requested more random things from you, and when you'd deliver them he'd ask you how you are and would give you advice.

It was rough getting back into how things were before. You didn't enjoy farm life as much without Sebastian there. It just wasn't the same around town without him.

You had isolated yourself after he left. Sebastian wasn't close with many people in town, but Robin was. She was the local carpenter, and he was her son. Instead of hanging around town, you stayed at the farm, fearing judgement from the townsfolk.

Sebastian was living both at home and with his new partner. He could never get over the guilt of what he did to you, but damn could this new girl make him feel things he never thought he could, at least, she could in bed. Day to day life was different with her. She never woke him up with breakfast, coffee, or even a good morning.

As time went on, he found himself missing those moments more than he enjoyed great sex. He realized that's all she could do for him. He realized he had fucked up. She would never give him the little moments to cherish.

While things took a turn for the worse for Sebastian after the breakup, you had finally started to recover. It wasn't long after the breakup that you and Sam started to get closer. He reminded you of Sebastian in some ways, but he was so different in so many others.

You two got close, and you had the idea that he wanted to take it further than just friends, but you couldn't see yourself with someone so soon, and he seemed to respect that even without you needing to say it.

Sebastian eventually stopped spending so much time in the city. He broke things off with his new partner, learning from his previous mistakes, and started dwelling in the basement at Robins even more so than he used to.

The next major catastrophe happened when the band went to perform in front of Gus's. You had been avoiding their little gigs, not wanting to see Sebastian, but Sam had begged you to come. He performed little mini gigs at the farm for you by himself, but he couldn't be a one-man-band, they were still a band no matter the tension between members.

So you watched them perform. It was nice, Sebastian wouldn't even make eye contact with you but you didn't know if you could hold it if he did. No, the thing that made this a disaster was Robin. She has to know why you two broke up, no one would tell her anything!

The performance reaches it's end, and the band members start packing up their equipment to go. Despite this, Robin still stands in front of you, trying to decipher everything by any means possible.

She doesn't take the news well. She's so upset, and that's when Sebastian and Sam appear. Robin turns to scold her son for his actions, you don't do that to a person! He still can't make eye contact with you, but he can with Sam, especially after Sam pipes up, agreeing with Robin that his actions were nasty.

The two boys bicker until Abigail shows up to yell at them both. You notice the wizard also seems to be watching, though he's a bit further away. He had also helped you through your funk when Sebastian cheated, though in a different way from Sam. He offered you advice, and you took it. It sometimes felt like your grandfather was still around when the wizard was there, giving you the fatherly advice you need.

Abigail manages to shut them both up, and you can finally talk it out. You all agree to be civil from here on out, and Sebastian admits to realizing his mistakes, and that he missed you. Unsure if you can forgive him, you accept his apology.

Sam still seems peeved that you'd even talk to him, and tries to claim he's been here for you this whole time and Abigail shuts him up real fast.

So, farmer, it's up to you. Who would you choose?

[queen-ofsunflowers]

DadWorth AU: Part 3 (Justice For All)

Justice for All has to be one of the angstier parts of this AU, right up there with some ideas I have for Apollo Justice. Especially considering the whole Miles “chooses death” thing. So, let’s dive into it!

< Part 2 | Part 4 >

Reunion, and Turnabout

Things fast forward a couple of months after the end of Rise from the Ashes. Gumshoe’s been taking care of Kay since Miles kind of fucked off. He’s been doing his best, and so are Sebastian and Klavier -- who have been trying to cheer up their third musketeer ever since they found out what happened. But Kay is miserable.

So, now summer break is here for her, Gumshoe decides to take her out to the mountains for the day to get out in nature and hopefully get her mind off of things. Even if it is for a little while.

However, that plan is totally ruined when he gets a call about a murder nearby. He’s the only detective in the area, so they have to go down to Kurain Village to check it out. And that’s where they run into Phoenix for the first time since the end of Rise. Both he and Kay are not doing well in the aftermath of that case, and neither are really sure what to do around each other. Needless to say, the whole interaction is awkward.

Gumshoe does not pick up on this. He asks Phoenix if he could keep an eye on Kay while he takes care of the investigation. After some hesitation and deliberation, Phoenix agrees. So Kay becomes his partner button and Phoenix finally get to interact one-on-one with each other during the investigation for Reunion.

This is the first time they get to do this, since they were either with Maya or Ema on previous cases. It’s still a bit awkward, but when Phoenix finds out that she’s studying to be a defense attorney, things get a little bit easier as they find common ground.

Phoenix unknowingly starting to settle into a mentor role? Yes.

Kay is super turned off by Morgan Fey (getting chills up her spine and a faint memory of Dahlia Hawthorne -- she saw the Fawles trial. Phoenix also gets the same vibes from her.) And is surprisingly good with Pearl.

Her reaction to learning that Franziska is the prosecutor for this case catches Phoenix’s attention. Kay hasn’t heard from Franziska outside of a few text messages to check in on her over the past few months, so the fact that she’s in the country and Kay’s only finding out about it now makes her wonder what’s going on.

Kay goes to meet with Maya at the detention center with Phoenix, and kind of gets overly excited when she sees that Maya is channeling Mia because if you remember, she looked up Mia. Mia was an idol for her. So getting to meet her -- even if it is through spirit channeling -- is the highlight of her week.

And then we get to the trial. Phoenix asks Kay if she wants to stand co-counsel and Kay immediately jumps at the chance to say yes. So this is technically her first trial (she’s excited for it, but a little bit sad that Miles isn’t there to see her). Franziska, on the other hand, is surprised that Kay is standing at the defense’s bench with Phoenix Wright, leading to a lot of things including seeing Kay as a traitor (reason why will be explained later.)

So, Kay stands in for Pearl as co-counsel. As a result, her spirit channeling abilities are not revealed until much later. In the second trial day, she’s not present due to Gumshoe’s intervention and keeping her busy (something which Pearl agrees to so long as Kay and Phoenix get Maya a Not Guilty).

The investigation moments are full of small bonding moments between Phoenix and Kay as they get to know each other a bit better.

So, Team Wright-Faraday get a Not Guilty verdict as promised. Kay’s super proud of herself for managing to do this and it puts her on cloud nine. Franziska only believes that Phoenix won because he had a semi-competent co-counsel with him (Aunt Fran starting to show that she’s proud of Kay a little bit, but is still incredibly pissed that she lost.) Overall, she isn’t sure how to feel about Kay in that moment, and it all comes down to one simple reason:

This is the first time Kay has smiled in months. Everyone who knows her is relieved to see it back.

After the case is closed, Maya does thank Kay for helping and Kay in return does try to cheer her up after the whole “morgan stabbed maya in the back” thing starts to settle in. Am I saying Maya and Kay friendship? Maya and Kay friendship. It starts here.

So, things are starting to look a little bit better for Kay.

The Lost Turnabout

It’s not... Kay’s not involved in this one. Teenage shenanigans happen here as the new school year at Themis starts up.

The first day of school is always pretty easy, but it gets pretty depressing for Kay when one of her professors decides a good idea to break the ice by talking about some of the more ridiculous things that have happened in court cases. It gets the class laughing, and isn’t a bad idea...

Unfortunately for Kay, though, the professor also brings up a certain defense attorney cross-examining a parrot. The memory of that trial brings up a whole lot of feelings for Kay and she just kind of falls quiet for the rest of the day.

But luckily, Klavier and Sebastian have known Kay for a year now, and they realize something’s wrong. So they (primarily Klavier, since he instigates the whole thing) decide to do something about it and distract her. Here is where teenage shenanigans come about.

Just wholesome fun with what is slowly becoming a favorite chaotic trio that ends with everyone collapsed on a couch with an old movie playing in the background. ...and possibly a few appearances from other characters. Who knows?

Kay only finds out about Phoenix’s trial after the fact from Maya, and she’s not sure whether to be impressed that Phoenix managed to do all that with amnesia or laugh about it. She decides to do both.

Turnabout Big Top

It all starts with Phoenix going from ace attorney to ace babysitter as he’s in charge of four teenagers and one small child. Over the past few months, he’s gotten acquainted with Klavier and Sebastian as well, especially after the trio used the Wright & Co. Law Offices as their own personal hangout spot to get homework done and hide out when needed (thank you Kay).

The only reason Kay is brought on as co-counsel for this case is because a: its winter break so she doesn’t have school to worry about and b: the time frame is the same as when Miles was arrested the year prior. If Phoenix is having a rough time, then so is Kay. Especially since this will also be her first birthday since the whole incident. She’s also at Wright & Co. for the same reason when Maya calls up with the case.

This case is not the best distraction for Kay, but at least its something. Lesson learned: as a lawyer, you gotta take the good with the frustrating. Things get worse with Franziska prosecuting again. Kay still doesn’t get what’s up with her and why she’s still getting called a traitor.

The boys are also in on this case because why not, though they don’t stand as co-counsel but rather just help with the investigation. Because we all know that Kristoph and Blaise wouldn’t agree to them standing on the defense’s side, one more than the other.

Kay openly admitting to getting a headache while trying to figure out what the heck is actually going on during the first trial day. She grew up with the Master of Logic himself, so trying to make sense of this without all the information is making her head run in circles. But she’s not going to give up.

It’s revealed when Franziska confronts Phoenix & Co. outside of the lodging house later that day that the reason Franziska calls Kay a traitor is that she deliberately is siding with the man responsible for Miles’s “death”, something that she never thought Kay would do.

Kay never blames Phoenix for what happened to Miles. She mostly blames Gant (and von Karma somewhat) for it. They were the ones who pushed him, not Phoenix. So, when Franziska openly blames Phoenix for what happened, Kay gets pretty pissed. 

When Phoenix and Maya continue their investigation, Kay goes to confront Franziska on that matter and just goes off. Months of bottled up emotions just kind of explode outward, and Franziska is the unfortunate target of it all. This blow-up is also the first time that Kay refers to Miles as her dad. Which hits pretty hard. Franziska starts regretting a few choices she’s made today. Klavier and Sebastian pull her away as she starts to break down.

So they just... let her cry it out in the circus’s cafeteria. They end up being the ones who find out about the incident with the lion (once Kay’s calmed down) rather that Phoenix and Maya. The story has them racing over to them, catching the duo just as they’re about to enter Acro’s room and things go about pretty much the same way they do canonically from there.

The next day is a bit hard, and its easy to pick up on the tension between Kay and Franziska here. Taking a page out of the anime, Kay, Klavier, a reluctant Sebastian and Maya recreating the crime for the entire court. She does feel bad about having to indict Acro, though, due to the circumstances surrounding everything.

Kay does a pretty good job, something which Gumshoe relays as a message to her, at the end of the trial, much to her surprise. Who else would be proud of her is something that she wants to know.

Meanwhile, Miles Edgeworth wonders how he’s going to tell his daughter that he’s still alive upon his return to the country. (and yes, he was the one who told gumshoe to tell kay that he was proud of her)

Farewell, My Turnabout

So, Kay at this point still doesn’t know that Miles is alive. He wants to get everything settled before he makes any grand reveals to anyone. He’s also still trying to figure out how to do it since that wasn’t supposed to happen. Kay wasn’t supposed to think he was dead. He told her that he was leaving, sure, but Kay was also half-asleep when he did. So, misunderstandings~

Meanwhile, Phoenix takes the girls (Maya, Pearl and Kay) to the Hero of Heroes Grand Prix. Kay’s gotten decently close to the members of Wright & Co. over the past few months, that much is clear by now.

Kay gets upset about Corrida’s murder because ya know. Jammin’ Ninja fan. She hopes that Engrade gets locked away for doing it. Maya thinks she just doesn’t like the Nickel Samurai, which isn’t that far off. Kay just doesn’t like Engarde thanks to reading Klavier’s tabloid magazines. She never gets to explain the contents of those magazines, though. Phoenix finds out about them later.

Things take a sharp turn when Maya is called to the front desk to answer her “call”. Kay goes with Maya because ya know. Buddy system. (”girls don’t let each other go anywhere alone, nick!” “*sigh* i will never understand teenagers...”)  i think. you know. where this about to go--

So, yeah. Kay gets kidnapped alongside Maya. She puts up a pretty decent fight against de Killer (look at the people she was around growing up, Kay probably does know a little self-defense), but in the end, she still gets ‘napped. And so, Phoenix has to defend Engarde or the two girls will “disappear”.

Things are made worse, as Phoenix is accosted by two teenage boys who can’t get in touch with their third musketeer who didn’t show up for school that day. He’s just trying to do his job, but Klavier and Sebastian are really stubborn and will not leave him alone.

And everything gets worse when Miles makes his grand revival. And then is made the prosecutor for this case. So, Phoenix is not having a very good week at all.

Phoenix and Gumshoe are doing the best to keep the fact that the girls are being held hostage from Edgeworth and the boys. Emphasis on try. All three know that there’s something going on, but they can’t figure out what.

Meanwhile, Kay and Maya are in a wine cellar. Kay has tried several times to break down the door, but it hasn’t worked. de Killer took their phones, so they have no way of contacting the outside. They’re screwed unless they can escape.

Maya realizes that they do have a way to contact the outside and uses her spirit channeling powers to contact Mia, and with Kay’s help manages to explain what’s going on and giving a message to Mia to give to Phoenix.

So, Pearl finally reveals her spirit channeling powers. It freaks Phoenix out at first, but he gets over it quickly because at this point, he’s kind of used to Fey Family Weirdness.

The first part of the trial goes on as pretty much the same as it did before. Afterwards, Phoenix does his best to keep the fact that the girls are kidnapped from Miles because he’s gonna flip the fuck out. And he fails. And Miles kind of does flip out.

So, de Killer and Engarde (more so de Killer because he did his research, he knows the connection with Kay that Edgeworth has) have two pawns to work with and dangle over both the prosecution and defense. And now Edgeworth has two assistants on his side: Sebastian and Klavier, who don’t want to see Kay hurt. However, as future prosecutors, they can’t do much to help Phoenix. So, they help out with the investigation (and using the excuse as this being extra credit for anyone who asks why there are two teenagers here.)

On the other side, Maya and Kay break out of the room they were locked in thanks to a card Maya finds. Things go about as well as they do canonically, but with more struggle. Kay makes a fucking mess trying to defend herself and Maya from de Killer, which will later show the police that something definitely went down here (and concerning the heck out of a good handful of people in the process).

Kay may not know the truth about the Yatagarasu yet, but she sure is acting like the Yatagarasu.

The investigation goes about as well as you expect it to. Klavier and Sebastian are doing their best, but they can’t do much since they’re still only students. And Miles is worried as hell for Kay and ends up wanting to tear Engarde apart. Klavier is right to not like Engarde, as was Kay earlier.

When the trial starts up again, you have both the prosecution, the defense and a few members of the gallery nervous as hell. Gumshoe is doing his best to find the girls, but Miles and Phoenix still need to stall for time.

They do their best, but things are going about as well as they do canonically with Edgeworth being more on edge due to Kay being in danger. And the last time he saw her was when he left. So, he wants to be able to reconcile with her.

Things go on much like they do in canon. The note, Gumshoe’s accident, etc. Mia’s with Kay, doing her best to help, but she’s not sure what more she can do because the girls are weak and tired from being held captive for so long.

More worry on both parts.

When de Killer threatens to kill Maya and Kay when Edgeworth and Phoenix press him and try to get more time, Miles is also there to beg him to leave them alone. This is also the first time that Miles openly refers to Kay as his daughter.

Not much is different there out. They manage to expose Engarde as the asshole that he is, the girls are released and Engarde is declared guilty.

The scene with Franziska at the airport and Phoenix giving Miles the whip takes place a bit earlier, as that’s where Miles goes first before going to meet with Kay. Because he’s still trying to figure out how he’s going to talk to Kay again.

Phoenix and the others meet Maya and Kay at the hospital (Kay and Maya were held captive without much food or water for about three days, and Kay has a few minor injuries from de Killer, so they do need medical attention). Maya has a tearful reunion with Mia (as channeled by Pearl), and Kay gets tackled by her friends on both sides.

And then Miles Edgeworth walks into the room a short while later and Kay does not know what to say. She thought that he was dead for over a year, and a lot of things start bubbling to the surface. She starts tearing up because she thought she would never see Miles again, and he with her.

As soon as he gets close enough, Kay hugs him and calls him stupid in a couple different ways. Miles accepts it and apologizes for making her worry. He promises not to vanish like that again, and returns the promise that Kay made in part 2: to not keep secrets from her again.

So, what they didn’t get at the end of part 2, Miles and Kay finally get at the end of JfA: a chance to actually rebuild and reconcile their relationship without anything getting in the way.

So Justice for All ends on a pretty good note.

That may be the end of Justice for All, but it’s not the end of the story. There are still more ripples to come and fun shenanigans.

[chibimyumi]

Hi!! I've been reading your blog for ours and my eyes are burning but I'm so satisfied!! I recently re read the manga after like 4 years I think? I already knew about the twins ofc but reading it again knowing that is so refreshing and is so obvious now!! Anyway I wanted to ask if I'm not being annoying; at the end of chapter 128 the interaction between o!ciel and Sebastián is not clear to me. Could it be the translation? Why does ciel asks "you wouldn't lie to me, would you?" And Sebastian replies, kinda looking sad, "regrettably I do not tell lies". Do you understand that interaction better? Sorry if I'm missing something obvious here

【Related post: Contract term 1 and Sebas cannot lie, at all!】

Dear Anon,

First of all, thank you so much for your kind words, they are very appreciated ^^ I do send my condolences for your lost hours and visual comfort though. Please take a 20 second break closing your eyes for every 20 minutes you read intensively (*´▽｀*)ノ💊 It is very important in this screen age. I’ve been doing that for the past 2 weeks, and it’s done wonders for me (*~∇~*)

Now without much further ado, your question. Judging from your transcription of the English version I would say it is not badly translated. It just misses a TINY bit of nuance. Just to be sure, let us first look at the original Japanese dialogue and a clinical translation.

お前は…僕に嘘は吐いていないな？

Omae wa... boku ni uso wa tsuiteinai na?

You [of all people]... have not done such thing as lying to me, right?

ええ、残念ながら、私は嘘は吐きません

Ee, zannnen nagara, watashi wa uso wa tsukimasen

Indeed, unfortunately, I [of all people] do no such thing as lying.

1. Explanation Ciel’s text

【Omae wa... boku ni uso wa tsuiteinai na?】

As I have frequently mentioned, Japanese is a null-subject language, which means that a subject is not necessary to formulate a full sentence. When the speaker does add a subject however, it means they are laying extra emphasis on the subject.

In this case, O!Ciel used ‘omae wa’ (you), which is the subject of the sentence. In a null-subject language this part is unnecessary, but as O!Ciel has added it, emphasis is drawn to this subject. So instead of a simple “you have not”, it effectively means “you of all people, you specifically, YOU, have not.”

【Omae wa... boku ni uso wa tsuiteinai na?】

Then O!Ciel says “uso wa” (lying) using the particle ‘wa’ instead of the usual ‘wo’. “Wa” is an emphasising particle, meaning that whatever precedes this particle is basically highlighted in neon, written in bold and italic. So rather than just: “you have not lied”, it is “you have done no such thing as lying”.

【Omae wa... boku ni uso wa tsuiteinai na?】

This last part is the only thing I would say is ““wrongly”” translated in the version you read. Instead of "you wouldn't lie", it should be “you have not lied.” This phrase is in is present perfect, meaning that O!Ciel asks his butler whether he “has lied at all in the past”. Not “you just don’t lie in general, right?” Because this question refers to actions in the past, we can assume this question is meant to refer to any information about what O!Ciel suspected might be relevant to what he is thinking; that his brother is back. More on this below in part 3.

So in short, in O!Ciel’s text, he highlights Sebastian (omae wa) and the lying (uso wa). The meaning of the message here is therefore:

“Other people might have lied, but YOU have not, right? You might have done many things, but LYING you did not, right?”

2. Explanation Sebas’ text

【Ee, zannnen nagara, watashi wa uso wa tsukimasen】

In the version you gave me Sebas says “regrettably”, but I would say that while the translation is not wrong at all, it might be a BIT too strong?

I myself propose “unfortunately”. In Japanese too just like English, ‘unfortunately’ is just a formal prelude to an announcement that the recipient might not like hearing. Like: “unfortunately the X brand toothpaste is out of stock, but we do have Y brand.” But, I am no native-level speaker of English, so I don’t understand all the nuances precisely. Perhaps ‘regrettably’ and ‘unfortunately’ are equally strong. Do tell me if anyone knows whether one is stronger than the other. But either way, in Japanese it is not very strong. It’s just Sebas mentally preparing his master to hear negative news.

【Ee, zannnen nagara, watashi wa uso wa tsukimasen】

Then comes the “watashi wa uso wa tsukimasen”. Like in O!Ciel’s text, here Sebas does use a subject too, namely ‘watashi wa’. As use of subject means emphasis, so it’s not just “I don’t lie”, but “others might, but I, of all people, don’t lie”.

【Ee, zannnen nagara, watashi wa uso wa tsukimasen】

Then there is the particle ‘wa’ again in the second half of the sentence, “uso wa tsukimasen.” Just like in O!Ciel’s text, the standard particle should have been ‘wo’, but as Sebas repeats his master’s ‘wa’, he also lays emphasis on the action that he would not do: “such thing as lying.”

In short, the full message of Sebas’ text would essentially be:

“Indeed, unfortunately (for you/me/us), I of all people, unlike others, absolutely do no such thing as lying.”

3. ‘What’ was not lied about?

Now we’ve broken down all the linguistic nuances and details of the spoken text, let us do some interpreting.

Though there is no confirmation, I think we can assume O!Ciel was referring to the conversation about his brother being eaten: “you told me that the price paid - my brother’s soul - can never return.” Though this was said BEFORE they sealed the first contract term, after signing all terms, Sebas confirmed again that eating Ciel’s soul was indeed taken as ferry fee.

Later again, O!Ciel asks the demon what happens to a soul after being devoured, and the contract-bound Sebas confirms in clear language: “it simply disappears”. This phrasing by Sebas is not open to interpretation.

O!Ciel first saw “who stole the candy from my tummy?” and started to suspect things. Obviously he KNEW his brother was dead, so rationally he pushed that possibility away from his head. But then later he saw Soma who was attacked and holding a piece of the photo of the twins. Seeing that photo gives an explicit connection to his dead brother, and then there’d only be so much O!Ciel could rationally do to wave away the thoughts about his brother. The possibility was screaming at him, after all.

The only source of information he could trust at that point was Sebas. By the time Sebas gave his master the unambiguous answer about his brother’s soul he could already no longer lie. HENCE, Real Ciel is definitely dead.

Then we need to explain the horror struck reaction of O!Ciel upon hearing his butler’s confirmation.

Normally you’d think that hearing somebody is dead would reassure you that somebody cannot come pester you. But to O!Ciel, that R!Ciel is confirmed to be ‘dead’ doesn’t mean he can’t be back; on the contrary. Both O!Ciel and Sebas know painfully well that the scythe-wielding-lunatic who can create zombies is still at large. Zombies can only be made if somebody is dead. Hence, having confirmation that R!Ciel is definitely “potential zombie material” is terrible news. Plus, every time the zombies appear, they are significantly more competent than the previous models.

I think O!Ciel has always had Undertaker’s zombie-creating ambitions in the back of his mind, but it wasn’t until now that the puzzle pieces fell into place. Yeah... that IS indeed awful news.

From Sebastian’s sorrowful expression we can say he is upset for his master’s sake, but I think he is mostly very sad for himself. The first time he tried to fight said scythe-wielding-lunatic he almost died, and the second time his arse was only spared because Undertaker didn’t bother engaging. “Unfortunately” indeed!

Well, that was it (*´▽｀*)ノ Though I am not 100% sure whether I read all of this correct, I at least hope this was some good food for thought. Cheers!

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[chaos-caffeinated]

Emotions can help you remember (1/3) (Sebastian x Reader)

A/N: Hi everyone, it’s chaos here with a new story on this shared blog- who knew right? Well, I thought, okay maybe I got and obsesed over a character I thought I had cycled in 2013/4, but no. This is my contribution to Black Butler, finally after being updated in the manga. I hope you enjoy this piece just as much as I enjoyed it. 

Not requested

Rated: NSFT / 18+

A/N: I am a fucking sucker for plot, so this will be like a 2-parter, maybe 3-parter over 10,000+ words before even getting remotely close to the smut....ayayayay, this is what happens when you have too much time.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Now then, again.” his voice was the richest, smoothest voice with the right amount of sulk into it instructed you to repeat the french phrase in front of you. 

You were currently taking French lessons from Sebastian as you stayed over with Lord Phantomhive for a couple of days. You were being used as a decoy to the case of the missing noble girls. You were the daughter of a merchant, more of an intern for Nina Hopkins. She constantly admired your body, your face, your complexion- everything about you was perfect and she was to use you like the perfect model “you were meant to be”. However, when the door to the shop opened and walked in a short, well-dressed teenager with grayish hair with an eye-patch over his right eye with a man walking behind him; black-clad, black hair, pale, white skin, those crimson eyes, and those lips of his that enticed you the moment your eyes landed on him, you sensed something non-well.

You were organizing the fabric that was sent, until you heard the ring, you turned slightly to greet the costumers, “Hello, welcome to Hopkins’ Tailor Shop.” You smiled warmly at the costumers. When Nina appeared from the next room, she expressed her excitement, admiring the physique he was in, “The earl as beautiful as always.” She dramatically placed the back of her hand on her forehead, “Of course it’s only the few people here in England with such magnificent body! I am truly blessed with these canvases!~” 

You noticed the earl’s lip twitch, but maintaining his cool so that he wouldn’t offend her. As you tilted your head in an observing state -the man behind noticing this- he cleared his throat softly to regain the focus, reading from a small notebook he withdrew from his pocket, “Miss Hopkins, we are here today so you would tailor a few suits for the young master regarding an upcoming meeting with the Lord of Visdral.” the man explained, assuming he was the butler by the mannerisms as well as the language he spoke, “This meetings is regarding about discussing further achievements that could aid in Funtom’s Company be located in the Northern European countries.” 

You listened, and like Nina taught you- you thought. You knew very little, but barely enough to rack up a few ideas, but the mistress of the Tailor will always be ahead of her game. However, she turned around, her eyes on you, ”(Y/N)! Let’s test your abilities, of course I have many -and I mean many choices!- but if you want to fully work here, I need to trust your instincts, let’s work on the suits for him- shall we?” and she proceeded to unbutton her skirt, revealing her well-known outfits that permitted the ease to manuever as well as the activity that she is allowed to.

You smiled, sat the fabrics you held in your arms on the counter and nodded, “Yes, Madam!” You grinned with confidence.

~

The butler glanced  at your expressions every chance he could and you noticed it. Nina had provided a wooden divider to give you the privacy needed to create the suits,knowing it was your first real opportunity to tailor for someone. The pressure was on, especially when he started making his way to you. Sometimes your eyes wanted to see him, you wanted to look at him once more, but you had to maintain focus. So, when you heard the heels stop at a distance, you were legitimally surprised to hear his voice, “If I may ask, how is it going along?” He asked in a sweet manner, “I assume the suit is coming well if Miss Hopkins is entrusting your inquiries.” He smiled politely as he remained still. 

You had to turn your back as you focused on a piece to avoid him from noticing the red tint across your cheeks, “It is going well I suppose. And as for the inquiry, I’m sure Madam just wanted me to test my skills as I haven’t gotten the opportunity to do so.” You added, also justifying your actions.

Still smiling, the butler commented, “My lady, I assure any suit you create will be much better than the controversy Miss Hopkins creates-” 

“I heard that, you old-fashion geez!” Bickered Nina as she sneered towards him, “Your old-fashions have no rights to be here, and my dear (Y/N) will be better than me in means of creating the most beautiful, and trendiest outfits in the United Kingdom. Sweetie, don’t listen to this senile.” Nina insulted the butler with every sense of herself. 

The man looked physically attacked and turned to argue with your madam. You had to hold in the laughter, forcing yourself back to your creation when you noticed even the earl slightly irritated, almost like this was the 100th time he has seen them bickering and he did not want to be apart of this ordeal. That alone gave you the slight confidence needed to present your suit to him. 

While Nina successfully managed to get under the butler’s nerves, you announced, “Earl of phanatomhive, Madam, I have finished.” You smiled, pushing your chest slightly with confidence in your suit. 

Getting the attention of all three, the earl stood up with a sigh of relief, “Finally, for once I’d like to hear someone else. Sebastian.” He called out, the butler responding by standing next to him  while remaining behind. His crimson red eyes maintained his attention while Nina stood the other side of the earl, “Alright, (Y/N), show us what you have.”  She grinned with pride, hoping that you would surpass her, though her standards were extremely high. 

Folding up the divider, the suit was displayed to the three. It was a black suit with mutliple white highlights at the cuffs, even the rims held a golden thread, minimally used at the areas. The suit was longer with slimness in the middle, adding emphasis to his waist, the cloth underneathh the suit were white cloth that seemed perfectly cut, mimicking feathers. There was a minimal bustle added that pushed the cloth to resemble the feathers underneath. 

Now feeling nervous, feeling a breeze that could be able to sweep you from the shop to the void, you gulped some salive, let out a small breath and began to explain, “Though this suit is exactly nothing under Madam’s standards, I thought it was appropiate for the meeting. I am aware that the meeting is a casual, business one, with potential deal, so I considered the nobles in the Northern European countries. However, I remember looking over some pictures with Madam, how noblemen and women avoid presenting themselves in the standing...she was disappointed, so with that information I acquired, I believe this suit is subtle enough, yet rightfully suitable to appear in a business meeting.” Now you got closer to feel the fabric between your fingers, following the highlights, “Simple colors such as blue, red, green, etcetera mean countless of symbolic meanings, so using these shades instead would be much more efficnet to emit not only a reaction, but to introduce yourself without saying so.” You glanced across your audience. 

Madam was ready to cut the whole thing off, her expression was not only shocking, but her eyebrows were furrowed in a confused expression. The earl, however, looked as if he was interested, listening attentively with his left hand resting on the cane and his right forefinger and thumb carressing his chin. The butler, or Sebastian, stood still with the politness he presented. Out of all of them, he seemed to be genuinely interested in your piece and your explanation. So, you continued. 

Your feet fidgeting slightly, your rolled your shoulders slightly and proceeded, “The shade of black is very known to be symbolized as not only death, struggle, evil: the color is highly interpreted into meanings that represent despair and anything that is beyond good to be avoided. However, the color black also symbolizes mystery, no one knows who you are, and it is always hard to look beyond the color black. When you are to meet with the Lord of Visdral, you are not only introducing yourself as a business partner, but as any being you want to intriduce yourself as. Respect will get you anywhere, not everywhere- but anywhere, so this suit is also a respect of showing your being to someone else. Moving onto the final shade, white, my lord, could you perhaps tell me how you see white?...” You asked timidly, but when glancing at Sebastian, he must’ve noticed your shyness and he raised his own chest slightly and lifted his chin up a bit as well. Subconsciously, you rose your chest a bit and lifted your chin a bit as well. 

Looking back at the earl, he simply smirked, “The color white is known by many places...purity, innocence, goodness...” and you may have noticed a slight hesitancy on his part, “and virginity.” he stood with pride. 

Smiling and nodding in agreement, you praised him, “Right my lord, people do associate this bright shade as such, but going back to interpretations, this shade does not represent as such, in your case, it can mean a successful beginning for the Funtom Company.”

Sebastian’s eyes widen slightly in interest, his smirk widening as he glanced down at his young master who was also surprised at the response. He noticed his smile widening slightly and taking a gulp. 

“...Do take me as impressed, Miss...?” The earl tilted his head slightly, his ear more noticeable to hear your name, and you responded. 

“(L/N), my lord.”

“Miss (L/N), you did a pleasant job in such craftmanship and your meaning behind it was impeccable.” He stepped forward towards the suit, you responding by stepping aside. You tilted your head forward out of respect and couldn’t see what he was doing. 

Sebastian watched you with an immense stare, his interest was piqued, “Miss. Hopkins, I do believe you have a wonderful intern, capturing my young master’s attention with such a beautiful piece no less. I didn’t think you would capture my kind of fashion.” He smirked mockingly towards, seeing her glare at him. 

You blushed at his words, slightly facing away to avoid eye contact. 

Nina fumed at his comment, “Your fashions are senile just like you, she didn’t do it for you- she did it for the young master!”

“You are right in many things, Miss (Y/N).” The earl complimented, taking the white cloth between his fingers as he glanced at you, “The mystery in me, the symbolisms- why, you could’ve fooled me if you were a undercover intern for Miss. Hopkins when you are a noble yourself.”

You bowed slightly, “Thank you my lord for such compliments, but I assure you that I was just blessed to have found the people along my life to give me this knowledge.”

“Blessed, hm?...then I am very much grateful, though for such a small meeting such as this one you made a very thought out piece- do excuse me.” The earl turned, “Nina, would you show me the suits you made?” 

 Oh, so it was just an excuse to stop them from bickering like they had before, you smiled in an amused way that when you watched him walk with the madam, you failed to notice Sebastian make his way to your side, “I do believe I was very rude to not introduce myself, for that I aplogize deeply.” His sulky voice interuppted your thoughts, surprising you nonetheless. Seeing him bow, you waved your hands lightly, “Nonono- it’s completely alright, I was working on it, it was me who should’ve apologized instead. I neglected your presence over something like a suit..”

“But a suit you made as exquisite should be recognized, Miss. (L/N). I am Sebastian Michaelis, head butler of the Phantomhive Manor.” he smiled with his eyes closed, before he revealed the crimson eyes that intrigued you, “It’s not hard to believe that a lady such as a yourself would be working under someone like Nina Hopkins, someone known for her controversies in styles, you not only piqued my interest, but my master as well, not many are succesful.”

You smiled, even intertwining your fingers in front of you, “Thank you so much Sebastian, but it is because of Miss. Hopkins that I learned to do this. Simple, yet complex. And I also like to thank you as well for that tip you gave me when explaning the meaning behind it. Without the explanantion, I believe Madam would not have thought it was good enough to display without my reasoning.” You sighed softly in relieved, placing your hand on your sternum. 

Sebastian’s lip curled slightly more to make a smirk, his eyes even widening slightly for a mere moment, “Well of course, a piece of clothing to have such intricate reasoning deserved to be heard. Which, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you even go to that convoluted explanantion?” He asked in a curious manner. 

“Well, it’s an intuition really, the earl walks in and the same thought appears like any other costumer, ‘Who is he?’ “What piece of clothing would he be looking for?’ then...you walk in...” this time, when you mentioned him, he shifted slightly, his emotion remained, but his eyes told you something, “Oh?...Do tell Miss. (L/N), you managed to keep me on edge the entire time.” He smirked.

“Your whole entirety is black, Sebastian, you are the mystery that I am completely curious about you, so for a master like him- that mystery resides in himself as well. I meant it when I said about interpretations- it means anything and everything...including the white.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows quirked sligthly, taking that as another surprise on his part, “You are so much more that what you lead on, Miss. (L/N). So, I assume the white, with successful beginning is a reference to the mystery behind his right eye?” He propose which you blushed softly, smiling sheepishly, “A bit?...” You coward, only to hear a few tongue clicks from him, “Miss. (L/N), staring is very rude.” His teasing made you blush even further, and for a moment, for a single moment...

You understood how Nina Hopkins felt, and how she rose to despise him. 

You nodded, slowly, your lips pursed but not in anger. You weren’t angry, you saw the interaction between Madam and Sebastian- you know he can say things that can cause her to lash and get a chuckle in. And it’s not his fault too, she also started something to piss him off. 

“I wasn’t staring, Sebastian...it’s my job to assist Madam, observe the client for potential ideas and offer them if asked.” You raised your chest and lifted your chin. 

On the inside, Sebastian felt completely intrigued, his interest for you had increased and he wndered if it would be worth the while since he was under contract with Ciel. The way you bit back had him hoping to return with him for the slight entertainment, and knowing you can be like this meant he can continue, “So you did just that, and even risked your Madam by possibly offending the young master?”

Now you looked confused, “My word, Mr. Michaelis, to assist the Madam is to perform at her level, if not different to satisfy the client’s wishes by reading their behavior. The earl could have stopped his head butler from a dispute with a highly-respected tailored woman, but he remained quiet and irritated. Therefore, he is conservative, knowing full well of your relationship with her and still letting it slide. Smart nobleman, for someone who is younger than all the noblemen in England, he doesn’t waste time on small things like- so with that, Mr. Michaelis, I tried to emphasize it when others meet him: he is not just a child, he is a true nobleman.” and with that, you stepped forward, having to look at a higher angle to continue the eye contact, your chests nearly touching. 

If Sebastian could somehow turned the lady in front of him into a kitten with a simple collar, he wouold just as easily do it. He almost -almost- got a tingle from how this human lady owned him with just words. Now he hoped more often to see her, to challenge her, to talk to her, just everything. 

“I apologize, Miss. (L/N), you were right. It’s important to read a client. But, my lady, I warn you if you read someone too much, you might regret it later.” He smirked, and when he was called, he stepped back and bowed slightly before walkign to his master to assist him in picking up the suits he decided on. 

He included the suit you made, of course, and the earl walked up to you, “Miss. (L/N), thank you again, your first time making a tailored suit is simply wonderful. it won’t be long before I return for another one.”

You thanked him, watched him leave only for your eyes to travel back to Sebastian who caught you, smirking softly “Until next time, Miss. (L/N).” before entering after his master in the carriage  

 And sure enough, after a few weeks, they would be returning to the shop, not for suits, but for you. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

2nd PART: https://chaos-caffeinated.tumblr.com/post/624096941187481600/emotions-can-help-you-remember-part-2-sebastian

A/N: Holyyyyyyyyyy damn that was amazing- whooo is this what ectascy feel like because that was a rush. I did not want to rush it but holy damn did that feel good!!! I admit I ma not as good as interptreting and as capturing of the dynamic duo as I did not expect because this is really the first time I’m writing these two since my first cycle of fan-girling and I was just too damn excited not to write it out and practice. I’ll be posting the second chapter when I can, but please do not hesitate to leave comments, share, any criticism you have (I know that some fans can be hardcore to the strictness of writing the character exactly as descriptive, sooo...I like that, I like that shit, so do tell). Thank you all and good morning/afternoon/nioght/day/moment/secoond. 

So it did feel a little rush towards the end because it did get too long for my liking for a SUPPOSED ONESHOT...but like I said, I a sucker for plot, so if you like plot- you are in the right place bb!

[starring-movies]

Killing Eve: Episode Analysis

*SPOILERS*

Season 2, Episode 6 - I Hope You Like Missionary!

The episode begins with Niko returning from Oxford, after Villanelle came to visit him to try and make him doubt Eve. Niko asks Eve “do you want me to love you or do you want me to frighten you?”, to which she replies “I don’t know”. Eve’s indecisiveness about what life she wants is also a problem that we saw between Eve and Villanelle in S2E5. As soon as Eve had Villanelle caring about her and helping her, she was cold and uncaring towards her; so it might also be the case with Villanelle that Eve doesn’t know if she wants her to love her, or be frightened by her.

The song playing over this is ‘(Sigh)’ by Unloved. Usually this song is played in scenes associated with Villanelle, however, it is being used in this scene with Eve and Niko. Through this choice of song and it’s usual association with Villanelle, we can see that it’s the dominance that Niko is exerting (just like Villanelle does) which is the “something about the way you are” that makes Eve “sigh”.

A small note is that Carolyn can be seen putting earrings in when John from Nairobi is visiting. This is something which she is also seen doing in S1E8, when she was with Konstantin and again when she was preparing to meet Henrik in S3E3. The continued repetition of Carolyn putting her earrings in shows us that it’s something she always does when she is reuniting with her ‘old friends’.

In the next scene we get a parallel to a scene to S2E4, used to show us Villanelle’s short attention span and boredom. In both scenes Villanelle is bored in her hotel room and waiting for something to do, she is lying on the bed listening to the TV in the background. She does the exact same thing as this in S2E4, while she is waiting for another assignment after the Amsterdam kill. In both of these instances it is notable that Villanelle chooses to do something related to Eve in her boredom, in Amsterdam she goes to wait for Eve to arrive at the crime scene, and in this episode she goes to Eve’s home to meddle with her belongings.

The song ‘Dangerous Charms’ by The Delmonas is used over this scene. The lyrics are:

“I’ve been lookin’ at you for quite some time,

Should come at no surprise,

I’ve been wanting you at mine,

I’ve been lookin’ at you,

Your dangerous charm,

Seems it’s you,

Who’s been causing all those harms,

I’ve seen you darlin’,

Want your dangerous charm,

Oh dangerous charm,

I’ve been your darling’ glancing at me”

The song is applicable for both Villanelle and Eve, who are both attracted to each other’s “dangerous charm” and have both “been looking at [each other] for quite some time”.

In this episode there are a few parallels made between Eve and Villanelle, through their behaviour. Villanelle sneaks into Eve’s house and messes with her things, just like how Eve messes up Gemma’s things when she goes to see Niko. When Gemma finds Eve rifling through her possessions, Eve asks Gemma “are you scared?”, which is the exact same wording that Villanelle uses in S2E5, when she’s asking the same question to Eve in the kitchen.

However, although Eve tries to imitate Villanelle, with the messing up of Gemma’s things, we can see that there is still a difference between. Villanelle sneaks into Eve’s house when no-one is home and messes up Eve’s things in subtle ways, mainly by hiding and switching things that will only be found later but not immediately. Whereas Eve goes into Gemma’s bedroom, while Niko and Gemma are in the house, blatantly and messily ruining Gemma’s belongings.

This difference foreshadows what happens at the end of Season 2, in that Eve is beginning to embrace her darkness but has not come far enough to be able to accept it’s existence completely; and so when Villanelle tries to push Eve too much by manipulating her into killing Raymond in S2E8, she is rejected by Eve who can’t yet accept her “monster” which Villanelle has tried to open her eyes to.

A small detail is that the camera specifically pans onto Eve’s toiletry bag, drawing our attention to the fact that later in S3E4, Eve uses the toothbrush that Villanelle brushes her teeth with in this episode.

When Eve goes to speak to Villanelle about the job they want her to do (to get information from Aaron Peel), Villanelle tells her “I don’t like to be challenged”. This shows how much Villanelle goes on to change from this season, into Season 3. In this Season Villanelle is comfortable with her situation and doesn’t wish for it to be disrupted; however, when she becomes discontented and unfulfilled in Season 3, she tells Carolyn in S3E8 “I’m looking for a new challenge”.

When they’re discussing how Villanelle should disguise herself with Aaron Peel, Villanelle chooses an American accent which she says is “really, really, really annoying”, just as a way to annoy Eve (who also has an American accent). Villanelle chooses to give herself the name Billie, which is the female version of the name Bill. Villanelle does this not only to irritate Eve, but also to show how Villanelle has replaced Bill inEv’s life, who was probably the closest friend she had - not only has she replaced Bill as Eve’s friend, but also as her work colleague, so she has managed to insert herself as a person of importance in Eve’s personal and private life.

Before Villanelle’s first AA meeting, Eve tells Villanelle “you will never understand how much harder it is to be nice and normal and decent than it is to be like you”, and Villanelle says “like us, you mean”. Eve says this because she does know “how much harder it is to be nice and normal and decent”, because she puts that mask on and does it everyday.

Villanelle repeats what Eve said to her in the AA group and is only met with the reaction of “boohoo, poor me” and told to “be careful with the self-pity”. As this is the reaction to what Eve actually said, and she is listening in, Eve herself is also being indirectly told how she’s being in denial and acting self pityingly about her situation.

Villanelle saying “like us, you mean” again emphasises how she can clearly see that Eve is like her, but Eve is still in denial and won’t admit it, until Season 3. The fact that Villanelle can see what Eve won’t admit to yet, is also shown when Eve tells her “aren’t you always a different person” and Villanelle says “aren’t you, at least I’m good at playing someone else” - Villanelle is making it clear that she can see Eve’s darkness and that Eve isn’t very good at hiding it.

When Villanelle speaks in the AA meeting again, she gives her speech about boredom. She says “most of the time, most days, I feel nothing, I don’t feel anything”, but she tells Eve in S2E7 “I feel things when I’m with you”, again showing us one of the things that makes Eve “special” to her. Villanelle is always in search of something (like killing) or someone (like Anna and Eve) who peaks her interest and makes her feel something, which shows us why she’s so obsessed with Eve - not only is Eve like her (she tells Konstantin in S2E8 “we are the same”), but Eve is someone who makes her “feel things”, a sensation she finds herself constantly seeking.

Most of the things Villanelle says in her speech about how she’s “just so bored” and how “what I really don’t understand is why everyone isn’t screaming with boredom too”, is also applicable to Eve. Eve had a boring and normal life until Villanelle came into it, which is something that Villanelle recognises too, as she tells Eve “don’t forget, the only thing that makes you interesting is me”.

When Eve goes to see Carolyn to try to tell her about Villanelle killing Amber Peel’s assistant, she is fencing. This is probably one of the “hobbies” she partakes in when she tells Eve in S2E6 that “I have hobbies”.

The dinner scene of Villanelle with Aaron and Amber is shot with the same angles and in the same way as the assessment scene from S1E2. The decision to use the same shots show us how Villanelle is being uncomfortably interrogated and probed by Aaron, in the same was as she was by the psychologist.

During the after-dinner game of Dixit, Aaron tells Amber “I wouldn’t classify as a friend someone I once sat next to in a toilet stall”. This is amusing because it’s reminiscent of how Villanelle and Eve met in the hospital toilets, highlighting how ordinarily you wouldn’t usually consider someone you met in the toilets to be your friend, yet that’s how Villanelle and Eve came into each other’s lives.

In the scene in the kebab shop after Villanelle hits Aaron Peel with the psychology book, she is thinking about killing Aaron when she is speaking to the man behind the counter about how people will eat any meat you put into a kebab.

However, Villanelle is then distracted by the two girls that come in and order chips. She looks at the two sheep’s heads and two kebabs, and she follows the two girls.

The specific camera pans to these things (two kebabs, two sheep’s heads, two girls) makes us think that she is going to kill them. But in the next episode our expectation is not met and we find out that Villanelle slept with the two girls instead.

The decision to do this is to display how the line between wanting to kill people and wanting to have sex with them is a bit blurred for Villanelle - just like when she contemplates killing Sebastian after sleeping with him, in S1E2. It also conveys how it’s most likely that she gets the same gratification from both sleeping with or killing someone.

You can read my previous Killing Eve posts here:-

First Introduction to Villanelle

First Introduction to Eve

S1, E1 - Nice Face

S1, E2 - I’ll Deal With Him Later

S1, E3 - Don’t I Know You?

S1, E4 - Sorry Baby

S1, E5 - I Have a Thing about Bathrooms

S1, E6 - Take Me to the Hole!

S1, E7 - I Don’t Want to Be Free

S1, E8 - God, I’m Tired

S2, E1 - Do You Know How to Dispose of a Body?

S2, E2 - Nice and Neat

S2, E3 - The Hungry Caterpillar

S2, E4 - Desperate Times

S2, E5 - Smell Ya Later

S2, E7 - Wide Awake

S2, E8 - You’re Mine

S3, E1 - Slowly Slowly Catchy Monkey

S3, E2 - Managment Sucks

S3, E3 - Meetings Have Biscuits

S3, E4 - Still Got It

S3, E5 - Are You From Pinner? [Part 1]

S3, E5 - Are You From Pinner? [Part 2]

S3, E6 - End of Game

S3, E7 - Beautiful Monster

S3, E8 - Are You Leasing or Am I? [Part 1]

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[plague-of-insomnia]

Fave Kuro moments

I sent an ask about this to @chromehoplite and she suggested others answer as well, so here goes.

I’m going to list my ten favorite moments, broken down by arc. I really didn’t get hooked on the manga until the circus arc, so that’s where I’m going to start.

(Warning in advance, this is a long post.)

Circus Arc

1. Ciel shooting Kelvin is one of my fave moments because it shows that he isn’t going to rely on Sebastian 100%. Just as he had said when they formed the contract, he is willing to kill—with his own hands—when necessary. Although Sebastian is the one who finally ends Kelvin’s life, and this entire scene is controversial, I also picked it because this was when I really began to relate to Ciel as a character. As someone with PTSD myself, the moment he begins to lose himself really clicked with me and he began to feel like a fully fleshed character for the first time. When he says shortly after that there are two types of people, “those who steal, and those who are stolen from” (anime translation), I felt like that really hammered home who Ciel has become. He no longer sees things in terms of morality but rather survival. Either you kill or are killed, simple as that.

2. The scene at the orphanage is one of my absolute faves in the manga. I related to Ciel so much here because my instinct was also to laugh at the futility of the circus troop’s lives and deaths, and I love Ciel’s little speech. I love Seb’s reaction. I love how Yana subtly shows Ciel’s guilt (not just by having him go, but having him go dressed in mourning), and how he “lets go of that guilt” at least partly when the ribbon comes off and blows away.

Murder Arc

I prefer the movie bc it’s so much funnier, so a lot of my fave moments of Seb and Ciel teasing each other aren’t actually in the manga (at least in the English translation). I could probably do my ten fave moments in this arc alone (since it’s my fave) but I’ll just pick one for now.

3. I absolutely go nuts every time I watch this scene, where Bard forces the other servants to remember their duty. It’s the first time we really see him as more than just comic relief, as the leader he is (and probably one of the reasons he was hired, though I do hope we find out when we get to his and Lau’s part). This scene was an enormous inspiration for how I write WDH Bard.

Campania Arc

This arc also has a lot of great moments, so it’s hard to narrow it down. I love Seb’s cinematic record, but since I’m keeping this to 10 moments, I’m going to skip that for now.

4. My one absolute favorite moment in the arc is Seb collapsing in the boat. (Obviously, since I love whump and I wrote “Affinity & Agony. “) It’s the first time we really see Seb “defeated” and truly in pain. I also love how it highlights how he risked his life for Ciel... and he didn’t have to do that. It shows how he’s changed subtly from the demon in the flashbacks who handled Ciel like a rag doll.

Weston Arc

My favorite part of this arc is the whole Professor Michaelis thing, but it’s also how devious Ciel is. So while I know a lot of people find the cricket part boring, I love it bc I absolutely love how it shows how far Ciel will go to get what he wants.

5. So if I want to condense to one moment, it’s when he gets hit in the head and his and Sebastian’s performance in front of the crowd vs when they’re alone in private. I love it so much, especially bc I feel like even in private we’re able to see how their relationship has changed subtly.

Green Witch Arc

In some ways this is my least favorite arc, but I still love a lot about it, like seeing another side of Ciel, and how his PTSD affects him, which felt like the first time since Circus we’ve really seen that, or ofc Finny being awesome and protective. I also enjoyed seeing Seb’s jealous side quite a bit. But if I had to pic just one or two moments, it would be these.

6. The panel where Sebastian has the semiconscious Ciel in his arms and is rushing for help is a huge favorite of mine because of the expression on his face. The demon who made the contract wouldn’t look like that. He’s changed. Ciel is still a meal to him but this is more than just “oh no my meal may be damaged.” The fact that Seb was willing to do anything to save Ciel, even to the point of risking exposing their secret, was a huge inspo for my canon fic Deadly Nightshade. The end of this scene, when Ciel begins to “wake up” and flashback was also an enormous inspiration for WDH. I love the detail here of Ciel’s fingers scratching so hard he tears the flesh of Sebastian’s arm.

7. The first time I read the scene where Sebastian snaps Ciel from his flashback, it felt like a slap in the face. Why? To me, it seemed like the character progression I had seen in the Campania arc had disappeared. But then when I stopped to reflect on it I realized this was a good way of Yana reminding us that even if he’s changed, he’s still a demon and he still plans to eat Ciel. The way Yana drew this, with all of Sebastian’s inky tendrils ensnaring Ciel influenced me heavily for Deadly Nightshade.

Blue Sect Arc

Definitely my least favorite overall. It’s also really long, but I won’t break it down, I’ll just pick the moments that really stand out in my memory.

8. The negotiation of the contract. I love this because after so many years we finally got to see how Sebastian and Ciel hammered out the details of the contract. I absolutely adore seeing this version of “Sebastian” where he’s not the devil who first appears in his black nebulous shape-shifting form, nor is he the butler we come to love later, but somewhere in between. I absolutely love how his posture is so relaxed and casual (and apparently rude in Japan?), which is a stark contrast to his stuff, formal, and seemingly subservient posture he adopts later. I adore adore adore the feral way Yana drew him here, especially bc it’s such a contrast to the seemingly genuine emotions of sorrow and anger we see in this arc with Agni’s death and RCiel’s reappearance.

9. This scene is so great. We get to see Bard as the calm leader again. I love the little panel showing Bard putting his hand out to silence/stop Finny in a wordless way of saying “I’ve got this.” It also shows that either he and Sebastian had worked out some kind of signal at some point prior, or he has worked closely enough with Sebastian to know that the demon would understand what he was really saying here. I’m also very excited to learn more about how Bard came to the manor.

10. I geek over this moment bc it’s so important narratively. Ciel has a huge inferiority complex throughout his life because of his abusive and manipulative older brother, and this shows he is accepting that despite RC’s return, he is the earl and he’s accepting who he is. I firmly believe that before we can get to the final arc, where Ciel goes after the culprit who ordered the attack on the manor, he must “kill” his brother so that he can fully bury his past and accept who he is and what he must do before he dies (by Sebastian’s hands, as he agreed).

〰️〰️〰️

Feel free to chime in with your fave Kuro moments!

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 64

~*~Emma~*~

Lunch with the girls had been fun. The talk and laughter were a nice decompression from the last couple of days. They were all coming to the game tonight. Tomorrow I'd finish packing up my room and by dinnertime tomorrow I'd be with Sebastian.

Back in my room I turned on some music and started pulling words off the wall. My heart positively leaped when I heard Sebastian's voice behind me. Over twenty-four hours had shrunk to seconds. When I turned to see my gorgeous boyfriend wearing the polka dot mouse ears and holding the flowers I sent him, I wanted to fling myself at him, cover him in kisses, and tell him I was in love with him.

But Sebastian beat me to it. When I touched him, his expression changed from happy to surprise to something more. He told me I was beautiful then said, "Fuck... I love you." I don't think he'd expected to say it, maybe he didn't know he felt it until right then.

Either way, it was the most genuine and romantic thing I'd ever heard. I'd practiced the words until I knew they were perfect. The way he looked at me when I said them with his name the way he liked best, I would never forget. He could say the words a thousand times and they'd never come close to the intensity in his eyes.

Thirty minutes later sitting in a Target parking lot Sebastian showed me a picture Mallory took. Somehow, she'd caught that same look on both our faces.

Not that I'd forget the story behind the picture but the addition of those silly ears that he forgot he was wearing, marked the moment. It couldn't have been more perfect.

Driving home he was awfully interested in his phone. I could see Spotify open. "What are you doing?"

Sebastian looked over like a kid with his hand caught in a cookie jar. "Refining a playlist. To seduce you."

"Seduce me? That sounds fun." It wouldn't take much to seduce me, but I was excited to see where he was going. I watched him turn off his display and put his phone in the console between us. "Done?"

He nodded with raised eyebrows and a smile, "It's short. I’m not anticipating much resistance."

I reached over for his hand, "Smart man."

He kissed my hand then held it between his. "You're beautiful." One of his hands moved my hair away from my face. "About the blonder and tanner."

"I tan easy."

"Then why'd you'd have me cover you in sunscreen at the tournament?”

I laughed, "I'd like to say just to get your hands on me, but for real, a farmer's tan is not the look I want."

"Good point." I could feel his eyes on me and he was playing with my fingers.

"What's the real color of your hair?" I nearly got whiplash with how quickly he reversed, "If it wasn't this very natural-looking color." He grimaced and kissed my hand again.

"This is my natural color. I don’t have blonde highlights. I have brown low lights. Sun and chlorine strip out the brown."

"Really?" He made a humming noise, "I've been blonde twice. Hated it both times."

"I don't hate it, but the brown gives it more depth. I leave it alone in the summer because I like pools."

We were at the stoplight turning onto my road. Sebastian leaned in. I turned my head and kissed him. He stayed close, "Do I need to lengthen my playlist?"

Was he crazy? Since he was still close, I rubbed my nose against his. Somewhere in his past was an over sensitive girlfriend. "Nope."

I grabbed the Target bags and Sebastian grabbed his luggage. We were barely inside the door before he had me pressed to the wall kissing me. He left the kiss, but kept me pinned, "Good memories of this wall." I felt my cheeks heat up. "So fucking cute." He kissed me again. "I need five minutes. Stay here. I'll come get you." He took the stairs two at a time.

I leaned into the stairwell, looking up. "Where are your dirty clothes?"

"Laundry bag in the suitcase. Thank you."

I laid his suitcase on the floor and opened it. I dumped the two hotel laundry bags on the counter in the laundry room. Socks, underwear, and a lone t-shirt joined his new stuff in the washer. I smiled. This was very domestic. I liked this feeling, taking care of him. My phone going off pulled me out of my domestic bliss.

Mallory ~ Skip volleyball. Stay home and play with him.

Emma ~ I can do both

 I'd just put the last of the groceries in the fridge when I heard him coming down the stairs.

Jeans, t-shirt, and bare feet. He looked just as sexy as he had when he opened his door in New York. I liked the way he was looking at me. His eyes were so blue. The slight curve of his mouth. He loves me.

Sebastian reached for me, putting his hand on my face. I laid my head over. The gentle caress of his fingers drifted back, lacing into my hair. A slight pull brought me closer. I slid my hands from his waist around to his back. His arm around my shoulder pulled me in. When he kissed me, it was so soft, a gentle press of his lips with only the briefest touch of tongue. He moved far enough away to look into my eyes. "Te iubesc.”

Sounded more natural when he said it. I had the pronunciation, but not the correct intonation. I’d have to practice. I said it back, "Te iubesc. "

He pulled me closer again, stopping a hairsbreadth from my lips, "I want to make love to you."

"How's that going to be different than what we've been doing?" In reality, my feelings weren’t all that different, it was just having said the words out loud.

"I don’t know, but we're about to find out." His voice, the softness, combined with his kiss made my knees weak. I held onto him. When he took a step back, he took my hand, “Come on.”

I stayed close behind him going up the stairs and down the hall. Not once did he look back. It felt like he had a purpose and was focused. My heart was racing. Not sure why. Everything I thought about it not being different feels like bullshit. This feels more. We’ve not lacked intensity, but I was finding it hard to breathe. More.

Inside my bedroom, Sebastian touched his phone which was on my chest of drawers. The song we’d danced to the other night, the one I’d not heard before, started playing. He kept walking until we were in the middle of the space. Blinds were closed, decorative pillows on the chair, and the bed was pulled down. I hadn’t thought about what his “give me five minutes” comment was about. I’m glad I hadn’t. This was incredibly sweet and pulled hard at my heart.

Sebastian turned, curled his arm to hold my hand on his chest, his other arm snaking around me to hold me close. I held onto his shoulder and moved with him. His eyes were holding me closer than his arms. I smiled, licked my lips, and bit my bottom lip.

His mouth curved, “What’s that about?”

“So I don’t scream.”

He nodded in a way that only made it worse before he kissed me. Gentle. Soft. Never breaking with the rhythm of the song. His eyes met mine again, “On our first date I thought I could fall in love with you. The first time we kissed I knew I could. Later that I night I knew I was. Every time I see you, every time we talk, I want you more. I just wanted to surprise you today. When you turned around it was like everything came together. No more falling, I was there, am there, completely in love with you.”

I moved the hand on his shoulder to the back of his head, threading my fingers into his hair. Sebastian's eyes closed with the contact. "I was less than a block from your apartment when I wanted to turn back and tell you I loved you. But I couldn't have stayed and I couldn't have left. So I held onto how safe, cherished, and loved you make me feel until I was back with you. Even though we hadn't said it, I felt it when you look at me." I stretched up and pulled him down. "I want to crawl inside you and I don't think that's going to be close enough."

He looked the way I felt. "Emma." My name was all he said. His lips were parted in a smile, his blue eyes shining.

"Sebasti-an." I returned his smile and pressed my lips to his.

He let go of my hand to pull me closer. Pressed against him wasn't close enough, but it was better. It was being able to feel the rise and fall of his chest with each breath that I loved most. The feel of his reaction. The growing hardness against my hip was a reaction too, but it was binary. Hard or soft. Sebastian's breathing was much more nuanced. Right now, it was slow and steady.

Sebastian’s fingers dug into me when I went under his shirt. His breath hitched and he moved his mouth to my neck. Soft wet kisses raised my heart rate. He knew just how to send goosebumps over my skin. He leaned back a little and I watched him reach behind him to pull his shirt off. My mouth watered looking at his chest and stomach. I took hold of the hem of my shirt and took it over my head. Sebastian's hand followed my shirt, stopping to undo the clasp on my bra. He was pushing it over my shoulders before my arms were down.

Skin was Sebastian's thing. A strip peeking out from a stretch or designed into clothing. Like this, naked in front of him, he liked to look. I waited, letting him take in the tan lines from my bikini top. Touching would even better.

His hand reached out and traced the dark to light skin before even that wasn't enough and he returned to kisses. I followed the line of muscles where ever I could reach. Across his shoulders, his bicep, and my favorite the contours of his back. I let my fingernails scrape his skin and heard the prettiest moan from where his tongue was indeed licking a tan line. I played in his hair a moment before running my fingers along his beard, to under his chin. I pulled him back up, loving the glazed over look in his eyes. I watched my fingers on his chest and stomach. I left a hand dangerously close to the spot that made him shake and moved behind him. My mouth retraced where my fingers had been and I moved my hand between his legs. Sebastian put his hand over mine, increasing the pressure.

"I love how you touch me." Sebastian's voice broke the silence. I took my hand from him to undo his jeans. Hooking his boxers with my thumbs I took everything down, including myself. I kissed his thighs while getting his clothes over his feet, licked from the back of his knee up the back of his thigh, and over the curve of his ass before pushing him to turn around.

Sebastian touched my cheek before making sure my hair was out of the way. I looked up at him while licking the slit at the tip of his cook. My dirty smile matched his. I sucked his head into my mouth and used my tongue along the edges. The soft underside of my tongue against him got the strongest reaction. His hand fisted in my hair, not to guide, but to have something to hold onto. I held onto the back of his thigh with my fingers stroking the edge where his leg met his ass.

I felt his leg shake and let his cock fall from my mouth. If I'd kept going, he'd be no use to me. I needed to feel him inside me. Sebastian took my hands when I put them on his hips, guiding me to stand. He leaned over to meet me. We were kissing before my legs were straight. His mouth caught my moans as his hand went between my legs. Fingers rubbed over and dipped inside. I held tight to his shoulders, breaking from the kiss with a gasp when a jolt of pleasure ran through me. I dropped my head to his shoulder, "Oh god."

Before I knew what was happening Sebastian swept me off my feet and laid me on the bed. Our eyes locked as I scooted into the middle of the bed. His normal predatory look was tempered by a different kind of desire. He kept his eyes on mine while kissing up the inside of my leg. He was on his hands and knees kissing my stomach, when I sat up, taking his face in my hands. I kissed him gently before smiling, "I love you."

He kissed me, not quite as gently. I let go of his face and laid back down. More kisses were laid on my stomach while he settled between my legs. I sighed with the first sensation of his mouth on me. He dove straight in with tiny licks on my clit, so gentle that I almost couldn't feel him. Until I could. I shook all over. My fingertips ran through his hair and over to the side of his face. He turned his head, kissing my fingers, before returning between my legs. The momentary interruption in contact was enough that his tongue back on me had me arching off the bed. I felt his hand, his fingers, reach for me. I tangled my fingers with his, holding tighter, and calling his name when I came.

I tried to push him away, too sensitive right after an orgasm, but Sebastian wasn't having it. He backed off my clit. His tongue was... everywhere. Occasionally, he'd swipe across my clit, but didn't focus there until he heard me moan from the contact.

I squirmed until Sebastian's grip on my hips stilled me. Not long after he sat back on his knees and reached for the condom. I took it away, rolling it on while we kissed. I took him with me, pulling him on top of me. I loved the weight of him. Loved the unrestricted access from shoulders to ass when he was on top. I could caress and hold on while he stroked inside me. My hips rose to meet him.

I initiated the position change. Sebastian had done such a good job working me up again, but I needed I different angle to keep it going. Plus I liked to lay my hand on his stomach while I rode him. To feel the twitches. He enjoyed the view. He looked relaxed and happy flat on his back. His hands held onto my hips or ran over my thighs. I controlled his angle and depth, making him hit the right spots.

Sebastian held onto my waist, stopping my movement. "Emma, baby, I need to be closer." He sat up, holding onto me to keep us joined while he redistributed our weight. I pulled my legs up tight against his hips and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. We didn't move for a while, reverting to simple kisses and touches.

His fingers blazed a trail down either side of my spine to my ass, where he gently lifted, encouraging me to move. I made small movements, rising and falling on his cock  while circling my hips. I kissed along his neck, sucking and licking the tendon that ran on the side his neck. He growled when I sucked a pulse point. That sent his heart rate up. "This is my favorite position with you. I can see you and touch every inch of you." He reached behind me to ruin his hand from my foot, up my leg, over my hip, up my back, and over my shoulder to my breasts and stomach. He played with my breast before dipping his head to kiss them. He wrapped his arms around my waist taking over. He used his legs to lift me and his arms to bring me down. "Look at me."

I lifted my head, shifting my eyes to his, "I'm close."

"I wanna see you." He kissed me again.

When our eyes met everything else fell away. There was nothing, but Sebastian and I. I could hear his breathing, feel the air against my skin. Hear the noises he made. Sighs, moans, catches. See him. His face showing pleasure, his body damp with sweat, and his eyes saying everything. I felt warm all over. More than the physicality of us making love, I felt him. Lost in the heat of the moment, with him moving in me. There was nothing else.

As the intensity increased, I lost track of where I ended and he began. Everywhere we touched was blurred. I couldn't have taken my eyes from his if I tried. "Bastian." His name was a whisper on my last breath before my orgasm.

He smiled and held me down on him, "Em’."

We rode out our orgasms, not breaking eye contact until the very end when we kissed just as slow and gentle as when we'd started. Sebastian loosened his grip and ran his hands over my back. I stroked his face before resting my hands on his chest.

"Well... " Sebastian looked mischievous. "Guess that’s how it's different."

“We need to figure out how to do it again."

"Oh yeah." He kissed me then laughed. "I should tell you something. I hate being called Bastian."

I gasped in absolute horror, "Sebastian!"

His fingers over my mouth silenced me, "Except when you do it. Don't ever stop."

"You told me. It was in your list of names." When he introduced himself. I could not believe him.

He shook his head, almost laughing. "I know. I was nervous. It’s a close second behind Sebasti-an." He laid down, keeping me with him. I felt him slip out of me. He frowned, "That makes me sad."

I sat up, scooting down on his thighs to get rid of the condom, then laid down half on him. My fingers played on his chest and his were on my shoulder. I lay there soaking in his warmth and feeling wonderfully content I kissed his chest before moving up to kiss his lips. "I don't know how it could get any better than right now."

"Being me is pretty damn good."

I put a hand in the middle of his chest and pushed myself up, "I'll be right back." I ran downstairs to more his laundry and brought back a bottle of water.

I handed the bottle to Sebastian while I crawled back in bed. Settling against him, I threw an arm and a leg over him.

After putting the bottle on the nightstand, he tickled along my arm as I did the same on his chest. "What time do we need to be at school tomorrow?"

"No set time. Packed and labeled before Friday. When's your mom want us to come over?" Before he could answer I added. "We were supposed to be at your place and you need to work."

Sebastian smiled and kissed me, "I didn't fully think this out. Nothing past getting back to you." He switched from tickling my arm to tickling the side of my breast. I was going to lose him soon.

Since he was playing, I moved my hand from his chest to as low on his stomach I could go and still call it his stomach. "How about we spend Friday with your family. Go back to yours that night or Saturday. You work. I'll amuse myself. Eli has a gig Saturday night. Spend Sunday in bed. I'll come home Monday or Tuesday. Game on Wednesday. Leave for Paris on Friday." While I'd been talking, I skimmed my fingers over his skin, even brushing where his hardening cock stood up from his body.

His hand left my breast to rub his face. "You know I'll agree to anything you say right now, right? I know you've been saying words, but I might have missed some."

I think he's exaggerating. Cute, though. "You think on it."

"Yeah. That's what I'm going to do. Think on it." He rolled onto me to reach into the nightstand on his side of the bed. "I'll just put this on."

I licked my lips, "You think better wearing a condom?"

He made a face and nodded once before shaking his head no. "Absolutely."

A pair of orgasms later we jumped into the shower and were out of the house by five. On the way to pick up Mallory, he called his mom to tell her we'd be over Friday. The rest of my proposed timeline worked for him too.

Mallory jumped in the back seat, "Sweet, a chauffeur!"

"We prefer driver now." He said with a smile. He reached over and rubbed my leg, "Show her the picture she took." Looking in the rearview mirror he met her eyes, "Drinks are on me tonight."

I unlocked my phone and handed it to Mallory with the last picture, the posed one, showing. Mallory pouted, "Aw, so cute. Guess you figured out I took more." She scrolled back and from her eyes I knew when she got to the one, "I love this!”

"We do too."

"I took a photography class a couple of years ago. An adult continuing ed thing. It's insane how good some camera phones are now."

For the rest of the drive Mallory and Sebastian talked photography. In the parking lot he said something about taking pictures of me. He grimaced, "Did that sound as creepy as I think?"

Mallory and I laughed, "Yeah."

The court was in front of the bar on the corner of two streets. High nets were hung all the way around. We walked around from the parking lot in the back. Sebastian slung his arm around my shoulder, "This is a dive."

I laughed, "Oh yeah."

"You get the paperwork. Mallory and I will get tables."

By the time I got back to them, they'd pulled tables closer to the railing. Samantha, Sebastian, and Mallory had taken the middle most chairs on the rail. I hugged Lindsey before Sebastian gave me his seat and I hugged Sam. The rest of the team, Nia, Dawn, and Cindy got there while I was filling out our form.

Becky signed before asking me, "How was Georgia?"

I rolled my eyes and stuck out my tongue, "Amy and I had a great time hanging out together and with some old friends. Argued with my mother almost every day including on the way to the airport." I felt Sebastian's hand on my lower back. Silent support like the after the tournament. I hadn't told him about the drive to the airport. I turned my head toward him, "Everything we talked about I said out loud."

"Sorry.” He cringed and kissed me, “But she did have an interesting spa visit."

I appreciated him diverting the conversation and laughed.

Scott came walking up carrying a cardboard box. He was looking at Sebastian. "I've been waiting for you to come back. I got a Cricut."

Others looked in the box and Sebastian shook his head, "I don't know what that is."

Usually Scott would use the moment for a sarcastic comment, but not today. Well, not to Sebastian. "It's a machine to cut out designs then you can use a heat press to make t-shirts." He pulled out a blue t-shirt that matched our team shirts. "I made a bunch. Some better than others." He tossed the one he held to Sebastian while everyone else grabbed from the pile.

Sebastian held it up, "This is great, Scott." He turned it around, "I was hoping beer bitch was on the back."

Sam glared at him, "I wouldn’t wear that."

"I would." Sebastian took off his newly laundered shirt and turned to give it to me.

While his back was turned Cindy dropped her mouth open and pointed both index fingers at him, then mouthed, "Oh my god."

Sebastian walked over and hugged Scott, "Thank you."

Mallory leaned into my ear and whispered, "How many orgasms have you had since he got here?"

I smiled and held up three fingers.

Sam stood up, "Don't tell the spa story until I get back. I'm going to change inside like civilized people."

Sebastian looked at her, "Perks of being a man."

She yelled back as she walked away, "One of the few." The other women followed Sam.

Part of me wished I could watch the game up here listening to them snark at each other. Mallory would have to fill me in. Cindy, Dawn, and Mallory were back quickly. I could see Nick checking out Cindy. I asked him about the climbing trip he'd taken a few weekends ago. The one I already knew all about. Everyone got in on the conversation, but Cindy got interested.

Sam showed back up with a couple of buckets of beer. I turned the offered bottle down. "I don't want a whole. I'll drink some of his."

Sebastian had the bottle turned up. He widened his eyes and brought the bottle down, nearly half gone. I wouldn’t have been surprised had he spit part of it back. "Here ya go, babe."

Mallory said, "I want to hear about the spa."

Sebastian smiled, "It's not the spa as much as the champagne drunk FaceTime I got later."

I laughed, "I only remember parts of the call. Awesome salt scrub then they wrapped me in seaweed."

Several people said, "Seaweed?"

Sebastian chimed in, "Then they left her to . . . marinade." He drew out the last word and everyone laughed.

"They have this specialty two-person massage, which I didn't like. I sent one away." I looked at him, "Did I tell you I felt like I was being prepped as a sacrifice?"

He nodded, "A virgin sacrifice." There was snickering. Sebastian talked to the snickerers. "She got annoyed with me when I said she wasn't a virgin. Told me I didn't know that."

Jeff spit beer, "Sorry."

"I told her I really kinda did."

"I hope so." Jeff laughed.

"Then she slid off the bed head first." Laughter erupted. From me too.

"Well, on that note we should go warm up."

Sebastian turned and we hugged. He moved his hands to my face, kissing me sweetly, "Good luck and I love you."

I smiled, "I love you too."

Mallory grinned and grabbed my hand as I walked by.

FYI ~ Emma’s Instagram has pictures.  I need visuals as I describe things and send entirely too long researching what I want.  

[diagnosed-by-doyle]

Lights of the Heavens

Character: Galileo Galilei (OC), part 7

Word Count: 1439

~~~~~

I was glad to see Galileo acting normal when he came back later that day in the city. It was relieving that he didn’t try to keep his distance from me. I sort of expected it after the way he was behaving when my hands were bleeding. He didn’t say much, but that wasn’t something I’d consider uncommon for him. Sometimes he was more talkative than others. 

Things continued as they usually did. I worked hard to help Sebastian clean and provide for the mansion’s residents. When I wasn’t busy with that, I was doing what I could to help Galileo.

Today, my last task was to re-shelf some books in the library. I had only a few more left when I heard a familiar voice calling out to me from the entrance. 

“I need you to come with me, bella.”

I stood up on the tips of my toes and pushed a book into place. “Can it wait a few minutes?” 

“It absolutely cannot. You need to come now.”

~~~~~

What could be so urgent? His sense of urgency pushed shelving books to the back burner of my mind. “Alright, I’m coming.”

Galileo led me to the garden where his telescope was set up. I was about to ask him if there was something he wanted me to see through the telescope when a flash of light in the sky caught my eye. It confused me since there weren't any planes in this time period. Another flash of light drew the attention of my eyes. Was it a shooting star?

“It’s a meteor shower. Have you never seen one before?”

I shook my head and continued to stare at the sky, mystified by what I was seeing. “I’ve always lived in a big city. There’s too many lights there to even see the stars.”

“I can’t fathom why anyone would want to live like that. The mere thought of it angers me.”

“The view from my apartment window certainly isn’t as beautiful as this. If I didn’t have to work in the city every morning, I might consider moving somewhere out in the countryside.”

“I never tire of looking at the stars. I’m always finding something new to admire about the night sky. For example, tonight I find that I admire the twinkle that your eyes share with the stars. I also admire the way the moon lights your face. Both of those things highlight your beauty, dolcezza.”

What? I lowered my eyes from the sky to find the man in front of me gazing directly at me. I didn’t think he was kidding. His looked much too serious for that. “You know, you really shouldn’t tease me.”

“It was an honest compliment, cara mia.” He tore his eyes away from me and fixed them on the nearby flowers instead. “I apologize if I made you uncomfortable.”

“Now you sound like Leonardo.” What had changed in him? Before whenever he said those kinds of things, he was always so unserious. Now, his words were affecting me. They caused my heart beat to quicken its pace. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable. I just wasn’t expecting you to say something like that.”

“Is that all? Hm.” There was a hint of a smile on his lips. “You had me worried, dolcezza.”

“Why would you be worried? You said before that you’re used to teasing women.”

“Teasing is all it ever was with them. I was bored, and they provided entertaining reactions. You on the other hand--” He stepped toward me and took my chin between his fingers, tilting it up so I’d meet his intense, fiery gaze. “I’ve come to enjoy your company. If I said something that turned you away from me, I would be quite upset with myself.”

“W-What are you saying?”

A look of panic briefly flickered across his face, and he put a bit of distance between us. “Forgive me. I don’t know what came over me.”

The spot where he touched me was still warm. Again, he’d sent my heart racing. This was so unlike him. For a moment, I wondered if the events from the other day had some effect on him that I wasn’t aware of. “Galileo.”

“What is it?”

“Are you alright? I mean, are you really alright? You’re not acting like yourself.”

He let out a heavy sigh that indicated how much stress he was under. “I’m really not, am I? I wish I knew why.” He glanced up at the sky then back at me. “Anyway, there’s another reason I brought you out here.” He pushed a hand into one of his pockets and pulled out a circular object made of brass. “Hold out your hands.”

“You know I don’t like it when you get things for me!”

“Just do it.”

I resisted the urge to grumble and reluctantly held out my hands. Galileo placed the object in my palms. The metal was dark and worn in places, a sign that it had seen its fair share of use. The brass was expertly engraved with his initials. Finally, I clicked the device open to reveal a compass. It was something I would consider an antique. Unlike the simple compasses of my time, this one was intricate and handcrafted with care. 

“It works fine. I don’t imagine you’ll ever have a reason to use it, but I wanted you to have it.”

“But… This is important to you, isn’t it?”

“I don’t have any attachment to it, if that’s what you’re asking. I hoped you might be able to take this with you when you return to your time.”

He was giving me this as a way to remember him? I’d never been so speechless! Not once before did I realize how much thought Galileo put into people. You wouldn’t think it by looking at him, but he was actually a sentimental person.

Unfortunately, he took my silence as a bad sign. “If you don’t want it, pass it along to Sebastian. He adores these sorts of things.”

“No! I’m sorry. I love it, really. It’s just that you’re showing me so many different sides of you tonight.”

“That wasn’t my intention.”

“I know.” I closed the compass and held onto it carefully. I’d put it in my room later for safekeeping. “And it’s not a bad thing. I feel like you rarely do this, so I’m happy that you’re opening up to me. Being so closed off and acting unaffected by the things that bother you doesn’t suit you.”

Galileo was silent as he looked into my eyes, searching, contemplating. “Does it really make you happy?”

I nodded. “I’d like you to feel comfortable enough to share anything with me.”

“I will...try to do that.”

“Take your time.” I smiled to show him my sincerity. “I really should be going now. I still have to finish what I was doing.”

“I apologize for keeping you. Have a good evening, dolcezza.”

*

Galileo watched the girl until she was safely back inside. Alone again, he rubbed his face. That whole situation was exhausting.

“You’re going to give her whiplash with those mood swings of yours.”

“Merda!” The astronomer jumped in surprise then spun around to face the person who’d snuck up on him. 

The younger Dutch brother wore a smug grin. “Took you long enough.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I did come out here to find a brush that Vincent dropped. I found it a while ago, but I couldn’t help but listen in on your sad attempt at trying to tell hondje that you care about her.”

“Is that what you think that was?”

“I know that’s what it was. You’d have to be pretty dense to interpret it any other way.”

The astronomer huffed. How could Theo possibly think to understand what he was feeling if he himself could not?

“I’m not going to meddle in whatever it is that’s going on between the two of you, but I will tell you this. Unless you’re planning on convincing her to stay, you shouldn’t get too attached.” Theo watched as the Italian processed the piece of advice he’d been given. “I’ve wasted enough time out here. Mijn broer is waiting for me.”

Galileo didn’t even notice that Theo had left. He was too busy thinking of what he should do about ____. She’d have to go back to her own time in a few weeks, and she’d given no indication that she wanted to stay at the mansion. Should he rein in his emotions while he still had a chance of doing so? Or should he let fate guide him?

~~~~~

Please let me know if you want to be tagged. My OC taglist is different from my usual content taglist.

Tags: @ikemencrossedmyth @micah-drew @in-words-of-what-maybe @sadshaxkscoolmom @wolf-of-oshu @nxh-special-here-just-lia @tsuki-no-usagiii

[poemsfromthealley]

personally, i’ve always found navigating shadow world politics more intriguing than saving the world as a co-product of the never ending morgenstern family drama anyway. so, i’m not upset about alec being denied ‘action-y, heroic storylines’. punching things is not the only way to save the day (izzy and her HF arc when she employs wit, cunning, persuasion, and, yes, empathy is a great example). what I am disappointed about is that he doesn’t really get to ‘save the day’ using p1

The above is the first of seven asks this anon sent to me. The rest and my reply are under the cut.

tl;dr More discourse on Alec and the narrative value of violence. Spoilers: I’m getting a bit tired here.

‘soft power, of diplomacy, or cunning and empathy to achieve ends and resolve plot’. if the point of alec’s narrative is that violence is not the universal problem-solving mechanic, shouldn’t we see him succeeding through other means even like occasionally? but what we see is alec making bad choices most of the time or doing nothing. you can’t have a character who is supposed to lead and negotiate and show him incompetent at his job (and I’m not even talking about trivialities like alec p2 

getting his ass handed to him by everyone and their mother for plot convenience). i realize it’s a complex situation. the writing wasn't sh strongest suit (+ the showrunners were complicit in homophobia) in general and the source material is no help ESPECIALLY when it comes to alec. also it wasn't always the worst (tm) and i appreciated their idea to make alec hoti instead of clace but i can't help but feel that the idea of alec as a great leader/diplomat never really made it onto the screen. p3

I agree on your thoughts abt violence in fiction but I’m not sure if it’s correct to compare fandom reactions to Sansa and Alec. I mean, they face very different biases from two wildly different fandoms? As someone who read TMI I can say it’s natural that people appreciate the show for letting Alec kill demons/circle members (those vampires in 1x03 is a separate discussion, though) bc in the books Alec, a trained (!) shadowhunter whose signature weapon is long ranged (!!), has never killed a >>   

demon until the end book 3 for an absolutely nonsensical reason. It’s also understandable that many viewers enjoyed Alec punching Jace. It was honestly refreshing to see the golden boy not getting an upper hand in every given situation. Book!Jace treated Alec even worse than his on screen counterpart in s1 and got away no matter how nasty he was. So, I can see how it was a cathartic ass beating for some. As to Meliorn, the SQ made an alliance with Sebastian/Jonathan. Following her orders, >>

Meliorn sent several Downworld Council representatives including Magnus to Edom. Alec tried to interrogate Meliorn on the whereabouts and condition of Magnus and the other hostages by shooting him in the leg, but when he was reminded that Meliorn, a half fey, can still lie, Alec angrily shot him in the chest. So, yes, the scene is pretty dark, you won’t hear me say otherwise. However, it’s one of the few scence within TMI when Alec as a character gets some agency, independence, and complexity.>> 

In this rare moment, Alec gets some real character substance instead of being reduced to his sexuality or used to highlight the greatness of others. TBH I wouldn’t begrudge people liking it or wanting to see something similar on the show. IDK I feel like it's very different from the prejudice Sansa receives from the fandom (esp fandom dudebros :/) 

I really feel like this should have been a post on your own blog, anon. I'm posting your messages here for the sake of not having details out of context, but I'm not 100% sure why you've sent me this whole-ass essay.

I haven't read the TMI books and I likely won't. I can't really comment on Alec and his character in them. If you feel the only valuable things he does are those you describe above, then that's your prerogative. I probably wouldn't agree, but I'm a stranger on the internet. Nobody needs my permission to like or dislike things, nor can I give it.

I'm glad you find Izzy's plot with the Heavenly Fire satisfying. I do too. I also find Alec's plot in 3.02 (The Powers That Be) satisfying. Alec uses subterfuge, covers for Magnus with Lorenzo, makes a plan (cleansing the leylines) that pays off, and deals with a mutiny within the Institute. Both of these are pretty singular events. Both Alec and Izzy get their competence sold out at random, because someone always has to be holding the Idiot Ball in this show.

If you enjoy Alec punching Jace, then all I can say is, good for you. I don't. I never will. I'm tired of the assumption that I should take the side of one character against the other when I'm much more interested in their relationship and teamwork, flawed and hard-won as both of those are. You've clearly read my blog, and I think I've made myself clear on that.

On which note: Shadowhunters is not a quality show. When I talk about it in a meta capacity, I have to take as a baseline that a lot of the time it makes no sense. It can't remember its own lore half the time. It gives Alec a lot of grand ideas—speeches about trusting his gut and upending traditions, dramatic scenes of him briefing his Shadowhunters, the whole Downworld cabinet—and then merrily undermines them chasing some new shiny plot thread. So yes, Alec's arc is wobbly. You need to apply a lot of Best Case Scenario to make it work. I just don't think it's especially wobbly compared to the rest of the show.

I love the potential, in Alec and in everyone else. I love the bits and pieces that we get and build on them in fanwork. I’m not really here to debate what the show did wrong, I’m here to talk about possibilities.

Sansa and Alec are not directly comparable, but I stand by my argument that they get devalued by fandom for similar reasons. Shadowhunters fandom has a much lower dudebro quotient than GoT, but dudebros and YA/slash fans are equally capable of being motivated by internalised misogyny.

Did I cover all your points? If you want to, I don't know, exchange ideas, a little more brevity and focus would be nice. If you want me to agree with you, then yes, I do, to some extent, and as for the rest, we just want different things from our fiction. Go forth and enjoy yours in peace (not that you need my permission, again).

[goretzkastuff]

11FREUNDE | Interview

Leon Goretzka, on Tuesday you play against your ex-club, the VfL Bochum, in the 2nd main round of the DFB Cup. How did you hear about the lot?

For years, I was hoping for that! This had already begun in Schalke times, but unfortunately God left a team early, so the chances were small. When the game Bochum was drawn against Bayern, my mobile immediately rang and did not stop for a day. Of course the game is something very special.

You have posted a photo with the sub-line #wokannichticketsbuy. How many have you got together by now?

I went to all the official channels to get some tickets. My father even called shortly after the draw at VfL Bochum and there you have completely resolved explained that I had already grazed everything. Fortunately, we were able to get some tickets, even if the requests of the family, friends and companions are of course many times higher.

Could you pass on your own season ticket? Are they still there?

Unfortunately, I do not have my own season ticket, it just was not worth it anymore. But my dad has one more. Even though he has now reached an age in which he likes to make himself comfortable in the box. You can treat him that.

Kick-off is at 20 o'clock. Floodlight anne Castroper - you can only congratulate, right?

Regardless of what this game means to me, it is a really nice lot. This is going to be an extraordinary atmosphere, a piece of first division football that returns to Castroper Street. And that is what people in the region yearn for.

How do you track VfL Bochum?

If I can, I watch every game. Being in the stadium has become logistically difficult, but sometimes I can do it. In the second league yes, unfortunately, many games take place on Fridays and Mondays - then it works out, at least for me.

You lived five minutes from the stadium. How much stadium atmosphere spilled over to your parents' house?

I must confess: The five minutes came about because we lived close to the highway and Dad drove mostly (laughs). So I could not see the floodlights from home. The house still exists and is my retreat whenever I am in Bochum.

You switched to VfL Bochum as a six-year-old. Do you still remember your first training?

At the age of three, I started playing in the F-junior of Werner SV. At that time there were still the F2 youth from VfL, against which we often played and I seem to have noticed. My dad blocked the switch for the first three years because he thought that was crazy. It was something totally special for me. I was a fan of VfL since I was in my first game. Just the moment when I received the original training clothes - that was overwhelming.

With whom you then appeared on the smaller sports fields and were admired by the opponents. Did you already feel like a star at the age of six?

We looked upwards. To Schalke, Dortmund, Bayer Leverkusen. They had even better clothes, because the chapel was even bigger. Because I have to feel at home, and was torn from a familiar environment, it was difficult for me in the first weeks at VfL. I missed the guys from the WSV. At the same time, that was the reason why I stayed with the VfL for so long.

Is there a person that you immediately connect to VfL Bochum?

The most intense time I had under Christian Britscho, who was my U17 coach. I was in the junior year and our troupe has played a great season. As a complete outsider we have become Westfalen Cup winner. That was the hottest year! Sebastian Brune, the goalkeeper and Tim Kosien, the right-back, are still among my best friends. I lived with Tim in a shared apartment in Bochum when my professional career began.

What are you looking forward to when you return?

On the people. On the stadium aisle. From the cabin, it goes through the catacombs to the square, just before separating the ways of the teams. You walk up the small narrow concrete steps on the left and right, you see the first people, as soon as you look up, you look into the bright floodlight and hear the warm-up music.

Small test. If we were singing - do not worry, we will not sing - but if we sing, "Deep in the west, where the sun is dusty ...". (buzzing) "Is it better, much better than you believe?" That's too easy! Bochum - Grönemeyer. The plate runs with me almost every day at home. (Laughs.)

Herbert Grönemeyer, who sings the text in the original, was recently attacked because he spoke at a concert against right-wing extremism.

They said in May, after racist incidents at the match in Wolfsburg, a sentence that was nominated for the Football Award of the Year. Shortly before I had to go to the press conference, I saw this video (this video is about, ed.). I was still sitting in my room and I was genuinely shocked. I'm usually not upset easily, but that hit me and I started thinking. When I came into contact with racism myself. How my teammate has to go. And so I came to the sentence.

They said: "I am a child of the Ruhr area. One answers to the question of nationality with Schalke, Dortmund or Bochum."

And I did not say that sentence to be nominated for a prize. I wanted to make clear what I expect from the people in Germany. In my everyday life, the coexistence of different cultures has always been in the foreground. At my school, the proportion of foreigners was 80 percent, but that was never an issue - and that was a good thing. Our question has always been: who are you a fan of?

How did the reactions within the team turn out?

After the press conference, I received many reactions. "Hats off!" Some people said. And especially Leroy, to whom I have a special relationship since Schalke, who went to the same school in Wattenscheid, was extremely pleased that I show clear edge. We have to be active, we must not keep away, we have to confront racists with what is said.

This clear edge let miss the crew nine months earlier at the World Cup and in the case of Mesut Özil. Do you have to be accused in retrospect?

Such a tournament is of course a special case. But it is perfectly right that we are talking about it now. We were not consistent enough. But you must not forget that we are first and foremost footballers. It is too much to expect any international to play the role of a politician. Of course, we have to live up to our role model. But we are primarily measured by whether we are successful on the pitch.

It is said that many players in the World Cup squad were unaware of the size of the topic during the tournament.

I mean that. In some cases, individuals were not clear enough how big topics are or can become in public. And yes, it is true, within the team the topic was not very present during the World Cup.

You once said, "Football is not a profession for me, it's passion." They played 42 games last season. For three years you play almost without a break. How do you keep your passion?

There is no more weekday on which no football is shown. And that has an impact: viewers are less emotional, do not go immediately. Football at 15.30 is therefore no longer the highlight that it should be. There are still these special moments, but unfortunately they have become rare.

They are considered extremely willing to learn. After a year at Bayern: In which areas have you improved?

What I was hoping for came true: I learn a lot during training. The daily level is higher and that was the main reason why I changed. Because the team makes me better again. I make a walk and my teammates recognize that and - and that's important! - can then play the necessary passport. After that, I was extremely desperate. For the fact that I played mainly as a defensive six, I was able to expand my Torgefahr. And that's just because at Bayern the last pass arrives above average.

From a personal point of view, you have experienced a terrific first year at Bayern. For the first time champion, for the first time cup winner. Nevertheless, there was a crisis mood after the season around the club. Niko Kovac was questioned. How did you experience this contrast?

At a club like FC Bayern everything and every day is questioned. It's part of the business and the maxim of getting as many titles as possible every year. It's a contrast to grow as a team if we get that mood right.

You did not disturb that?

I did not come straight from the quietest club in the Bundesliga. At Schalke, we felt that crisis talks were held every three months. When we had our weak phase here in Munich at the beginning of the season, I felt like I had a small advantage in this situation. The colleagues were spoiled (laughs).

Are you still glad that you are not alone at FC Bayern?

Not at all. I like to take on responsibility, that even distinguishes me.

Shortly before the cup match you are back in the squad. After two months injury time. How did your healing process go?

Pretty chaotic, to be honest. A strange story. I had played a really good preparation, felt physically great. And get a horse kiss before the final training of the opening game. When I came home, the thigh was inflated to an unimaginable extent. (Includes with both hands the thigh.) A really thick leg! We wanted to be conservative, I took a break for two weeks. Here at the Bayern all did an extremely good job.

That's why you were back in the squad and are...

...drove to the national team in September. After a relaxed session, it is re-inflated at night. Since it was clear that a vessel is injured and unfortunately it must be operated on.

How did you experience this time emotionally?

It was extremely annoying because there were ups and downs. I had already worked up again and then had to go under the knife. Especially the time after surgery is painful and tedious. I was just waiting for the leg to swell up. When the strings were pulled, it got better and better. Fortunately, I was able to train again with the ball relatively quickly. The moment when I was allowed to wear the football boots again was the best.

You are German champion, cup winner, Confed Cup winner. What is there still a game on Tuesday evening against the home club?

Everything. It was a huge wish of mine every time the draw came. When I started my career at VfL at the age of 17, I was tense before every game. Nervous. I was so busy with myself that I could not enjoy the atmosphere. When I came back as a spectator, I first realized how awesome it would be to run aground again in Bochum. After my move to Schalke, a friendly match was arranged as part of the transfer to fill the stadium. However, that day I was injured.

Now the starting situation seems similar.

And that's why I'm pretty sure I'll be perfectly fit for the day. (Grins.)

Translation by me. I tried my best.

[until-theend-oftheline]

Forever Home

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Warnings: None really - Seb’s a dork   

Word Count: 1400ish

A/N: It can be read as a stand-alone but it takes place within my Lifelong Love Letter universe. It’s in November 2016. Y/N is pregnant and a lot is happening for the little family.  

This was meant to be a drabble but I got zero control over these two so it’s not. It’s still for my celebration and written for @littlebittcrazy

Betaed By: the wonderful, sweet and amazing @ifyougetkilled-walk-it-off (did I lay it on thick enough Rach ;))

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

It had been a long day with both you and Sebastian having meetings with your managers. Sebastian had managed to bring Isabella along with him. When you were both in the city it was important to you both that Isabella spend as much time with at least one of you as possible. After your separate meetings, you had met up for lunch which Isabella had loved. She loved being out and about in the city but more than anything she adored having both her parent’s full attention whenever she could. After lunch, you and Sebastian had a joint meeting with your real estate agent to look at new apartments. Isabella had tagged along, of course, skipping around beside you or resting on her father’s arm when she started to get tired.

You had both fallen in love with a place but it was a little out of your price range which was why Sebastian was looking through bank statements a lot of other papers filled with numbers that gave you a headache just looking at them.

Instead, you had given your tired, slightly grumpy daughter a bath after dinner and spent about an hour trying to get her to sleep. You were exhausted and nauseous as you flopped down on the couch next to Sebastian.

He didn’t look up when you sat down. He stayed focused on the numbers on the sheets in front of him. You smiled at the look of concentration on his face as you reached out tenderly starting to run your fingers through his hair. Sebastian instinctively leaned into your touch a little and your smile grew. He was just like a cat sometimes and you loved that about him.

No matter how tired you were or how uncomfortable the first couple of months of your pregnancy was making you moments like this was the highlight of your day.

Sebastian groaned slightly as your fingers traced the hairline on his neck before running back into his hair.

“You know honey… You’re making it kinda hard to focus here,” he complained, but the tug of his lips gave him away. He welcomed the distraction as he was probably just about as tired as you were at this point.

You leaned in, kissing his cheek, feeling the scruff against your lips as you gently pulled the papers from his hands, tossing them onto the cocktail table.

“Come cuddle with me,” you begged, placing your hand on his cheek, turning his head to face you so you could give him a proper kiss.

Sebastian smiled against your lips as he moved onto his knees, pushing you back against the couch until he was hovering over you. Never once did you break the kiss, not even as you both giggled against each other’s lips as you fought to get comfortable.

“You. are. very. distracting,” Sebastian punctuated each word with a kiss making you laugh even harder.

You reached up, lovingly cupping his face watching his eyes twinkle as he looked down at you. The love and adoration in his eyes never failed to take your breath away and you prayed he would never stop looking at you like that.

“I love you, Seba,” you said softly, making Sebastian’s smile widen before he leaned down to kiss you again. Deeper this time, but filled with all of the emotions you saw in his eyes a minute ago.

“I love you too, Y/N/N,” he replied as he broke the kiss, getting comfortable beside you but with his head resting on your chest, a leg slung over yours and a hand protectively resting over your belly.

You sighed comfortably, as your fingers moving up and down his back into his thick brown hair. You loved playing with his hair as much as he loved feeling you do it.

“How does it look? Impossible?” you asked referring to the numbers he had been crunching for the better part of the night.

“I’m not sure. I think I have to call the bank in the morning,” Sebastian sounded hesitant and you rolled your eyes at him even if he wasn’t looking. He was so much smarter than he gave himself credit for and you really wanted to know if it was a dream you had to give up on.

“Just tell me,” you tugged his hair in punishment making him groan, and playfully bite your boob through the clothes from where he was resting. You squealed in laughter, swatting his arm when he laughed at you.

“You’re not a vampire just because you were born in Romania you know,” you scolded, but instantly regretted as you saw the mischievous look in his eyes as he looked up at you.

“Seba don’t you dare...”

You barely had time to protest much before Sebastian dove for your neck, teasingly biting down, before running his tongue over the barely-there mark to soothe the sting.

“You’re such an idiot,” you laughed as you struggled against him, but he didn’t budge. Instead, his lips found yours kissing you silent and you instantly gave up your struggles, wrapping your arms around his neck, sighing contently into his kiss.

Sebastian tenderly rubbed his nose against yours as he pulled back, pecking your lips again before moving back into the same position he had been in before. Your fingers found their way back into his hair and he closed his eyes relaxing against you.

“I think it might be possible if your willing to sell the studio too. We can soundproof the extra room in the apartment and we can share that as a studio and office like we do now. It would mean being closer to the kids too,” Sebastian explained tilting his head to look up at you for your reaction.

Your eyes widened before a huge smile appeared on your face. “You’re serious? You think we could get it?”

“Yeah… if we get the asking price for this place and we get the Adams to lower theirs a couple of hundred grand. Especially since we want to do some construction if we do get it,” Sebastian continued but you were barely listening. All you could think about was the beautiful Greenwich Village apartment you had been looking at today. With four balconies on each side of the apartment and with access to a roof terrace. The rooms were light and big. It was only a few stops from the school Isabella would be attending and a few more stops from Sebastian’s mom. It needed some work to fit your family perfectly, but it was better than anything you had ever imagined and honestly, you could picture the two of you raising your kids there.

“You’re serious? You think we could afford it?” you asked, cupping Sebastian’s face in your hands, making him smile at you.

“Yeah. I think it would be stupid to let a place like that go. You would be happy there you think?” he asked carefully, knowing you had expressed a wish to move a little out of the city in the past.

Instead of answering him right away you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his in a deep loving kiss leaving him with a dazed expression on his face when you pulled back a little.

“With you, I can be happy anywhere, but yes. Seba, I love that place. If you think we can reasonably afford it I wanna do it,” you smiled and Sebastian pressed another kiss to your lips before getting up.

He laughed at the pout on your face before reaching a hand out to pull you up.

“Come cuddle in bed,” he grinned tugging you against his chest as soon as you were back on your feet. “Sounds like I’m gonna spend the day tomorrow talking with the bank and real estate agents so I’m gonna need a good night's sleep.”

You smiled widely looking up at him as you wrapped your arms around his waist. “I love you so much, Sebastian. You know that right?”

Sebastian playfully raised his eyebrows at you, “full name when I’m not in trouble? That serious, huh?”

Sebastian laughed when you slapped your hands against his chest with a pout, before trying to back away from him. Sebastian moved quicker though pulling you back into his arms, kissing the side of your head.

“I love you too Y/N,” he buried his face in your neck as you wrapped your arms back around him, letting him hold you close. “Always have and always will.”

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[bemused-writer]

The Cain Saga Volume 3 - Kafka

Before we get into this volume I just want to let you all know that I had it all written already and then my computer crashed. Thus, this is the rewrite but hopefully it will be better than what came before. 8D

Also, typical warning for the series: it is rated “Explicit” for its themes. Please bear that in mind as you read the review. Also, there are just tons of spoilers here. For my previous reviews, you can find Volume 1 here and Volume 2 here.

The next thing I want to talk about is the glory of this volume cover:

Look at how exceptionally 90s this thing is. The baggy clothes, the overabundance of wrinkles, the broad shoulders, the poses. It’s incredible. There is the slight problem that, if I didn’t know this story took place in the 19th century, I would probably just assume it took place in the 90s or possibly even the 80s. It has a very Anne Rice vibe to it.

Speaking of Anne Rice, those streams of blood on Cain aren’t just for decoration: vampires are very much our theme this volume. As a brief analysis of the cover (outside of its 90s glory) I will point out that while Cain has been bitten by a vampire (a physical representation of corruption or lost innocence) he is also wearing a cross, indicative of an attempt at preventing this from happening on his part. Yet despite his efforts at keeping himself pure he is still brought back to his curse.

A minor thing: in The Cain Saga Cain is shows as having light brown hair for the most part, or at least light brown highlights. This changes in Godchild where he’s almost exclusively shown as having black hair. This is probably just a stylistic change but we could also interpret it as his life getting darker the further he goes.

And finally, a note on the title of the volume, “Kafka.” I haven’t talked about this at all in the previous two reviews, but each volume has a loose theme. In the first one it was “Forgotten Juliet,” a reference to Suzette who tried to win over her Romeo (and failed). The second volume’s theme is nursery rhymes, which is used primarily to demonstrate the loss of innocence and a corrupted childhood. This volume references Franz Kafka, who was known for his surrealist writings that included themes of losing one’s humanity and things of that nature.

And now into the volume itself. I talked a bit about how Riff is someone Cain trusts implicitly in the last volume and the beginning of this one goes out of its way to reiterate that once more. Upon waking up from a nightmare about his father where he’s led to freedom by someone’s hand, wondering whose it could be we see this:

The implication being it’s Riff that leads him out of darkness and back to the light. However, there’s someone to the left trying to overshadow him, and that’s something that this volume really takes a look at: What if Riff wasn’t so trustworthy? What if someone tried to take his place? 

The doctor, who introduces himself as “Allen” but who we will refer to as Disraeli because that’s who he is immediately inserts himself into Cain’s life and insists he needs to go to the countryside to restore his health. I’ve always enjoyed this bit of Victorian advice. Have you been ill for weeks? You need to breathe some better air. Honestly, that was probably somewhat true all things considered; smog was a force to be reckoned with.

Disraeli tries to assist Cain with his clothes but he refuses and Mary Weather considers this:

We already know from the previous volume that Cain bears horrible scars on his back from his father’s beatings. This is something he does his hardest to hide from everyone, including Mary Weather. The only person he doesn’t make any attempt to shun in this regard is Riff, who already knows all about it.

Cain ultimately goes to the countryside just as Disraeli suggested and one thing I’m happy to see is how much Cain cares about his little sister, Mary Weather.

Cain has a lot of iffy moments in the series where you really question his opinions and mindset but I’m happy to report that his relationship with Mary Weather is always a source of happiness and remains untainted by all the other crazy things that go on around him (as much as that’s possible, that is).

The trip to the countryside quickly goes awry when night falls when Cain discovers a woman who can only be described as a vampire:

Even as he manages to escape her, he’s attacked by an unidentified assailant upon reaching home whom he leaves a scratch on.

And this is where we start to see why Riff’s honesty is being questioned this volume. Was he the one who attacked Cain at night? Who is the vampire?

Personally, I got a kick out of reading Kaori Yuki’s author’s notes on fan reactions to all of this. Apparently, Disraeli was not popular and she was confused as to why everyone was judging him so harshly when he hadn’t done anything wrong. (This is even more amusing when we get to the end only to discover fans were right.) Furthermore, Riff fans were apparently very unhappy with him being “replaced” with Disraeli and that Riff was being portrayed in a negative light whatsoever. It sounds like Yuki had her hands full with keeping fans content. XD

Fans were also unhappy with Cain’s “player” tendencies this volume (there were some dissatisfied readers! XD). The next morning, Cain meets a boy named Dirk who owns Witherby Castle and swiftly meets his sister, Justine, as well. Turns out, Justine looks exactly like the vampire from the other night. The only difference is that while the vampire was bloodthirsty and appeared to be something of a seductress, Justine is sweet and innocent.

I don’t think there’s a single reader who believes she’s actually innocent of the whole affair and that it’s only made more difficult when you realize she’s so delicate she can’t bear to look at mirrors or be under the sun.

...Yeah, sounds like a vampire.

Cain thought so, too, and decided to test his theory in such a way that led to the fan complaints I mentioned earlier:

She doesn’t immediately try to murder him or drink his blood. She has a very bashful reaction instead, so we can safely assume she is not a vampire (except no one is assuming that).

Cain notes she had a faint scar on her face, which doesn’t completely match the vampire from before. Half of her face had suffered extreme burn marks, so once again there is some difference between Justine and the vampire from before.

He promises to meet her again but I personally think the above panel has Cain looking a great deal more like how he’ll look in Godchild, which is the main reason I’ve included it.

At any rate, her brother is outraged at what Cain has done and immediately asks his sister whether they’ll be together forever or not with an insistence that can only be described as “odd.”

I think I’ve mentioned before in my VNC reviews somewhere that vampires are basically always used to explore something forbidden, especially when it comes to love and this story is no exception. I will point out that Yuki doesn’t really need an excuse to explore forbidden love, but having vampires involved increases the chances that she will by a lot. Needless to say, we’re about to get into some uncomfortable territory.

We see Riff behaving oddly once more by discarding Mary Weather’s hat. He rushes home, she’s fine, but he and Riff have a revealing conversation:

Now, I’m just going to let you all know that they are both, technically, acting right now. They both suspect Disraeli, but they’re going along with things and they’re putting on a performance to make it look like Cain is losing faith in Riff.

However, the amount of truth in this statement as well as the relevance of it all in Godchild is immense. I’ll get more into that when we actually reach Godchild but suffice it to say for now that Cain relies on Riff to an almost unhealthy degree and if anything truly threatened that we would see something very different from this.

Also, I just want to point out once more that you can really see some parallels between Cain and Riff with Ciel and Sebastian from Kuroshitsuji. I would genuinely be shocked if Toboso hadn’t read this series previously. There are some noteworthy differences though: Ciel and Sebastian have a far more confrontation relationship where the master/servant dynamic is largely a facade. Sebastion will win in the end, after all, so in many ways they’re equals but there’s no love lost between them, no matter how much Ciel relies on him and orders him to never lie. With Cain and Riff things are a lot softer: it’s a relationship built on genuine trust and affection but the master/servant dynamic is also a great deal more real as well. Riff is a servant and Cain is an aristocrat. It’s hard to separate them from their roles unlike with Sebastian and Ciel. Still, Cain’s need for Riff to be there and to be loyal to him is just as genuine as Ciel’s.

Getting back to the volume at hand, Justine and Mary Weather prove to be fast friends and suddenly Cain and co. are moving into the castle. Needless to say, Dirk is furious. Furthermore, the amount of people being attacked by that vampire is only increasing and paranoia is mounting.

Disraeli himself sees something strange:

Riff appears to be with a vampiric woman himself. Disraeli thinks of how terrifying her eyes are and proceeds to find Cain, telling him of what he saw. Cain refuses to believe Riff would ever betray him (understandably given he’s in on it) but the exchange he and Disraeli share is important:

The meaning behind what Disraeli is saying is extremely layered. On the first, he’s accusing Riff of being untrustworthy and of that he’s not looking after Cain out of the goodness of his heart but out of something far more malicious. On the second, Disraeli is referring to what he himself is doing: he’s getting closer and closer to Cain, Cain is “trusting” him, and doesn’t realize he’s only there to bring more pain. The third layer is by far the most nefarious and is only truly revealed in Godchild, so I won’t discuss it here just yet.

Cain goes to meet with Justine once more, gives her an earring (one that the vampire had dropped previously, I believe) and departs but her brother, Dirk, is in high dudgeon and it’s revealed that he loves Justine and is jealous of how interested she is in Cain. She refuses him and he says, “Have you really forgotten that night? I was the one who protected you from Father!” He follows up with, “It’s not fair! You forget everything in the daytime, Justine!”

We’re finally starting to sort out what is going on here. Their father has been mysteriously absent, there are rumors of a vampire who was burned at the stake, and there had been a fire earlier on.

Things come to a head with Riff and Cain dismisses him from his employ. He then finally meets the vampire once again, who claims her name is Gertrude.

She notes that his eyes mark him as someone who is just as cursed as they and she offers him eternal life. If he’s going to be cursed, why not get to live forever? And Cain is tempted by the idea. We don’t get to see what his ultimate decision would have been as Disraeli bursts in and chases her away with a cross.

Still, I can’t help but wonder. I don’t think Cain would have accepted. He despises himself for his cursed lineage and views his own existence as a sin. In order to prolong his life in the way Gertrude is suggesting he would have to kill more and more people, thus making his life even more cursed than it was before. I don’t think he could bear that, and so I think he would have refused her.

Afterwards he’s comforted by Disraeli and they have another layered conversation:

On one hand, Cain is telling the truth. He doesn’t like people seeing through him and it’s part of why he goes to such pains to conceal how much pain he endures. But he’s also not being wholly honest; he’s nearly always allowed Riff the privilege of both these things. As for Disraeli, he’s also being honest about watching Cain, but it’s hardly out of the caring concern of a doctor. 

Meanwhile, Mary Weather is confronting Riff about leaving. She insists if he only asked, Cain would take him back. That is certainly true if he were actually leaving. But Riff needs to make his departure convincing and so this is what he tells Mary Weather: “Until now I’ve been everything for Lord Cain. I was his mother and his father. We’ve strengthened our bond without even using words.”

He’s laying it pretty thick here but there’s still a lot of truth to it. There would have to be in order for it to be even slightly convincing. Riff is everything to Cain as we’ve talked about before. He’s been there when no one else was. Without him, Cain would be lost.

When Cain next meets with Justine, she begs him to take her away because her brother is looking at her with evil eyes. Cain’s response is a little, uh, not helpful:

Here’s the thing, Cain is not the right person to be talking to about this. He has no idea what a normal relationship even is and as far as he’s concerned, running off with him is not freeing yourself from a cursed relationship.

It would be easy to say he’s thinking of his father and the incestuous relationship he had with his sister that led to Cain’s birth but this appears to be on a different level. Cain isn’t in the habit of defending his father’s horrendous choices in life.

After Dirk reveals the truth of Justine to her (which we’ll talk about momentarily) he and Cain discuss things and it becomes clear why Cain was so particular about what Justine said:

It turns out Suzette wasn’t simply his cousin. I’ll be honest, I completely forgot that tidbit. All I can say is that it’s been awhile since I read this...

At any rate, Cain is admitting he is in no position to be judging Dirk. However, the fact that Cain thinks he’s as bad as his father goes to show how deep his self-loathing is and how much he isn’t considering the entirety of the situation because it honestly isn’t the same. 1) Cain had no idea Suzette was his half-sister until after she’d died. Alexis knew perfectly well what he was doing. 2) Alexis forced himself on Augusta. Cain did no such thing to Suzette.

Cain’s love for Suzette is better likened to Oedipus than to Alexis: he tried really hard to avoid incest but the gods (Yuki) just wouldn’t let him live in peace.

Cain also says “It’s no use. If I’m not related by blood to the woman I’m not capable of loving her. I don’t know how to love.” He declares that he and Dirk both need salvation.

The thing is, Cain doesn’t actually know this for a fact. He’s had multiple flings but he’s never actually stayed in a relationship where he’s in love and his partner loves him in turn. He’s despairing and thinks he knows how things have to be but the fact is he doesn’t.

Honestly, the lack of Riff in this volume becomes pronounced around this point. There’s no one there to try to offer an alternative explanation to Cain or to try to get him to look at things from a different angle. He’s left to his own devices and that means he reaches the worst conclusions possible. 

Anyway, going back to what Dirk revealed, it turns out their stepfather had been abusing Justine and had put her through some kind of dark ritual in an attempt to bring Gertrude to life. In other words, another personality was superimposed over her own.

What I don’t like about this is how the narrative kind of frames this as Justine’s fault. She was the one who manipulated Dirk into killing their stepfather (rather understandably, I’d say!) and she was supposedly the one who seduced Dirk. Furthermore, it’s implied she was the one in control of their stepfather as well. Dirk definitely accuses her as if it’s her fault and Cain doesn’t exactly help. Of course, Cain’s perspectives are so skewed as to be useless in this situation, so...

Regardless, it’s implied that she was never a vampire (which I suppose I could believe) but that this was her true self coming through (which I find much harder to believe).

Ultimately, she and her brother burn to death after she goes on a rampage. It’s hard not to feel bad for both of them despite the awkward way this whole thing has been framed. They were both abused by their stepfather and never given a chance to remake their lives. They were trapped from start to finish.

Cain is understandably upset but when Disraeli comes to “comfort” him it’s revealed at long last what he really is: a soul catcher from Delilah. He also reveals he was the one who set the whole thing up along with their stepfather:

Just as Disraeli goes to remove Cain’s eyes, Riff finally makes his reappearance and everything comes to light once and for all:

They “kill” Disraeli and learn a few things from him as well:

Alexis is still alive and Delilah is an organization he’s a part of. Cain tells Riff never to leave him again and we get an idea of just how hard this has been. He’s been without Riff for a long period of time now and he’s witnessed two siblings die during it. 

On a lighter note, I enjoyed seeing Riff explain to Mary Weather how he was lying:

Up till now I would have assumed he had no sense of humor but clearly I was mistaken. XD He’s teasing her terribly! It’s also revealed that the vampire Riff had been with earlier had been Cain the whole time, which makes things a lot more amusing as well. Lastly, it’s revealed Disraeli survived, which isn’t all that surprising.

Anyway, that wraps the volume up, and what a volume it was! Rather than tackle multiple short stories, this one had one big story! I enjoyed that it was one story that tackled a lot of things relevant to the plot but there were a few points that could have been smoothed out, notably how harshly everyone was in judging Justine compared to Dirk. The other thing I really wish we got more of is who Suzette was as a person. She only showed up in a singular chapter, but she’s having a profound impact on Cain himself. I think we needed to learn a lot more about her.

The Kafka reference is also a little clearer: neither sibling felt human anymore and Cain hasn’t for a while now. While it’s too late for Dirk and Justine, it isn’t yet for Cain. Perhaps we will see him make some progress in the next two volumes.