#i was also projecting HARD on some of these

[topzsun]

I'M A COWBOY ON MY OWN TRIP

── ♡ BOOTHILL

❝ the road of a galaxy ranger is a lonely one. fortunately, boothill would never leave you be. ❞

Boothill is impossibly hard to get a hold of, and you consider that the next time he shows up for his maintenance, you’ll plant a GPS on him.

The unofficial Galaxy Ranger and ex-robotic scientist that you are, Boothill had become your personal project. His maintenance, upgrading his body and enhancing his current weaponry have been your turf, something you took keen delight in that you’ll never speak to the word, lest Boothill catches wind and stops paying mind to your complaints.

His entrance is always predictable. With a kick to your door, you will scoff, and he’ll stroll in with a damaged component or two that you’ll have to fix. When your door opens with a creak instead, you feel a chill run through your spine and you are already out of your desk chair by the time he stumbles in. Something heavy lodges in your throat when you catch your first sight of him, a mess of stray wires and missing metal, his prosthetics wrapped around his steel torso to try and keep his wiring and sensors from spilling out. His eyes are dull when he looks at you, missing his usual toothy grin. You run and grab him before he can collapse to the ground, ushering him to the medical bed you found in an abandoned hospital, treating it like an exam table.

“What happened to you?” You stress, and you gently move his arm out of the way to assess the damage. You examined the more critical damage first, where some cords were snapped clean. You believe Boothill to be extremely lucky that it wasn’t the one connecting him to his artificial heart. Metal was easy to replace, rewiring was not and if the component keeping him functioning stopped working, there was no way you could revive him again. Your teeth catch the bottom of your lip at the thought.

“Sorry, I got all banged up, Doc,” It’s the first time he’s ever apologised to you for coming to your workshop for fixing. It’s also the first time he’s ever been such a wreck, so you decide to ignore the semantics and shake your head.

“How did it happen?” You interrogate, lifting one of his legs that had a gaping hole in the middle. At your delicate touch, his ankle suddenly detached and you wince instinctively.

“They opened fire suddenly, fudging scum,” He spits out in hatred, and despite his visible exhaustion before, his eyes light up at the memory. “They were blasting away while there were kids there.”

You don’t inquire about the safety of the children. Boothill is one of the most skilled rangers you know, and even if an entire armed military began a shoot-out, he’d find a way to evade it. With the amount of bullet holes in his body, he definitely used himself as a human shield and the thought makes you purse your lips. From the long years since you’ve met him, you were quick to find out that Boothill had very few weaknesses, but one of them was definitely children. You aren’t sure why, and you don’t know if you’ll ever know. Hopes, dreams and history aren’t things discussed between rangers. Even your mutually beneficial relationship with him is a rarity amongst the group. Yet, there is a mutual understanding. Things that went unspoken and what made you guys so in sync in the first place. So, you break off his unrecoverable attachments and continue with what you have to do. Both of you speak nothing as you begin shifting through your cabinets of prosthetic parts, labelled under ‘Boothill’. Usually, he is all chatter when he stops by, either badgering you to finally fix his Synthessia Beacon he utterly despises (and you kept intact out of pettiness), or striking up a conversation about whatever he uncovered during his solo missions. You don’t blame his quiet solemness today, but it doesn’t make it any less unnerving, like the silence isn’t meant to be here. You were the first to break it.

“You’re lucky my shipment for spares arrived in time,” You state, walking over to him. By ‘shipment’ you meant whatever passing rangers happened to drop off at your doorstep after successful thefts at IPC warehouses. It’s laughable for you to think of IPC packages arriving at your doorstep in the middle of nowhere, a mailman ready for you to sign the papers.

“Lucky me,” He drawls out sarcastically, and you take a moment to flick his forehead. “What the fudge, Doc!”

You ignore his annoyed exclamation, hiding your growing smile behind hunched shoulders as you begin screwing on his replacement ankles.

“I can fix, some of the more critical parts,” You gesture vaguely to his legs. “But the rewiring is the real issue here. Luckily, I’ve sanitised the tubes already.”

He stiffens for a moment, his eyes unfocused as he looks up at you with furrowed eyebrows and a frown.

“You’re putting me to sleep?” He asks, void of his usual attitude and you hesitate. You knew Boothill hated being forcibly rebooted and put to sleep. You aren’t sure what he dreams of, but whenever it’s over he’ll keep his gaze away from you, and reels at your every attempt to approach him, even for a checkup. You sympathised with him, and you’ve grown to hate it as much as he did. Unfortunately, right now it’s necessary. With his mainstream wiring damaged beyond repair, you need to replace them and you can’t have him awake during the process and potentially damage the framework.

“I’m sorry,” You mean it but he looks as if he couldn’t hear you, his eyes now fixed on a random oil stain on the floor.

“Be fast with it, ‘kay?” He mumbles and you nod. You reach over and trace the synthetic skin of his neck, where the bumps of his skin reveal his power button. You’ve already memorised just about every inch of his body from all the times you’ve spent with him, working on him. Yet, you take the selfish moment to let your gloved fingers caress the spot, almost in a lover’s embrace. He’s looking at you the entire time and finally your eyes meet his. There is a moment’s breath of a pause before he flashes you a toothy smile and you swiftly press the button. The corners of his lips drop in an instant, his eyelids falling shut and his body going limp. He’ll never know how the sight of him like this made you want to throw up yourself. You aren’t sure what happened to you, ever since the damn bandit came into your life and the path you had planned for yourself suddenly became tainted with sporadic visits and bellied laughter from a scratchy voice. You used to be colder. It’s what being a calculating scientist made you. Yet, Boothill, his justice that he goes on about, they all muddled your senses to the point that the idea of him being taken from you in one irreversible swoop made bile rise to your throat. He’ll never know those, because you need him to maintain his image of you; a cool-headed robotician whose nerves he always manages to get on.

You carry his unmoving figure over your shoulder and you don’t register your body’s complaints of his weight. There were things more painful than this, you think as you zip him into one of the prepared tubes. As preserving liquid fills the metal cylinder, you catch your image in the reflective glass. Have you always been this tired?

Another two months go by when you next see Boothill.

His last visit, which had been a critical one, had finished with little commotion. After reprogramming his hardware and forging the rest of his broken pieces, he was back in prime shape and left with nothing more than a “thanks”. His radio silence almost made you wonder if he resented you for his forced shutdown, and you try not to pay it much thought as you busy yourself with any unfinished project you could get your hands on.

That is, until an uneventful afternoon when your door is kicked open and you sit up with your first instinct to yell your complaints. Boothill strides in and your striking words dispel before they leave your lips.

“Oh,” You can only reply dumbly, and his grin somehow widens.

“Knew you’d be holed up in here, Doc,” He dares to sass, resting a hand on his hip as he surveys the packaged food on your desk, and the bags under your eyes. You click your teeth.

“Broke something again?” You wearily ask him, plopping yourself back into your spinning chair and giving him a quick scan.

“Do I gotta be broken to visit?” He poses it as a question but doesn’t listen to your answer as he drops himself onto your springy couch, feet kicked up like the ill-mannered guest he is.

“I don’t have time to waste on you,” You scoff, rolling your eyes as you turn back to the radio you had been taking apart.

“I got food.”

You asked him if he wanted something to drink.

For a man who couldn’t get drunk, Boothill adored his alcohol. You think he rides off the placebo effect of drinking, but choose not to comment since he’s finally decided to stop being so hot-and-cold with you and instead animatedly reciting his encounter with The Swarm.

“Most annoyin’ fudgin’ shirtbags I’ve had ta’ fight,” He snarls, before downing the rest of the bottle in his hand. It’s his third one. “Kept on multiplying no matter how many holes I put in ‘em.”

Despite your off-record status as a Galaxy Ranger, your areas of expertise stayed within the confines of machinery and weapons, with you never having even touched a gun in your life. From the stories, you couldn’t have been more grateful for the fact.

“How fast do you think they regenerate?” You question, resting your chin on the palm of your hand. He thinks.

“Around every few seconds,” He answers and raises a brow at you. “Why?”

“For next time,” You uncross your legs. “If I can increase the speed of your reloading, you can probably kill them before they have the chance to regenerate back.”

Usually, your new ideas for him would be met with enthusiasm, whereby he’d test his limits by suggesting his own upgrades which you’d either agree to or shut down. Much to your surprise, he tilts his head back and lets out a low groan.

“Seriously, all you got is work in that noggin’ of yours,” He comments, giving you a flat look and you splutter immediately in defence.

“But you are talking about work, too!” You retort and he laughs loudly, leaning on the backrest of the couch as if he knows something you don’t.

“I’m telling ya’ something about myself. Now you gotta too,” He explains and it gives you pause, turning your head to stare at him with incredulity.

“What is this, twenty questions?” You joke but he shrugs nonchalantly.

“Sure.”

“I think I’m a pretty open book,” Your gesture vaguely around your small and unkempt home shrouded in darkness with nothing but the straining blue light of your computer. “This is my whole life, right in front of you.”

“It ain’t,” He refutes immediately and you frown at him, not sure what’s going on with him tonight. “Unless you tellin’ me you’ve lived like this since you were born, then it ain’t your whole darn life.”

It’s the invitation you’ve always secretly prayed for. That someone will look at your dishevelled self and the mess you lie in, and say you were more than that. Boothill, of all people, is giving you the chance. Yet, your hands feel clammy as you press them together and suddenly the cyborg beside you is hard to look at.

“Why would it matter?” You ask him sincerely, missing your usual condescension. There is a brief silence before he continues.

“‘Cause I feel like it does,” He confesses, voice dropping lower as if he’s speaking into the world something only you and he should know of. “‘Cause I’ve been thinkin’ of how ya’ keep savin’ my behind, and how fudgin’ weird it is I don’t know anythin’ about ya’.”

You look at him, really look at him, and he meets you back with a defiant stare of your own. For a second, something crosses his eyes and you lose instantly, sucking in a sharp breath.

“You will think of me less.”

“Not possible,” He instantly hits back.

You fall back onto the uncomfortable scratchy fabric of your sofa, and your stare meets your dull, tilled ceiling. You reminisce about when grey was replaced with expensively painted beige, and the seat underneath you used to be a mahogany brown chair. In front of you had been a projection board, equations scribbled hastily across the screen. Your graded test paper sits in your book bag, perfect mark as usual. You think back to how far you’ve fallen from grace.

“Okay,” You say, “And you’ll tell me about yourself too. No enemies, no battles, just you.”

Something crosses his expression, but he agrees anyway. You will learn of his vendetta, of his anger and grief, of the daughter he never could have seen grow up. He will learn of you as Icarus, the one who reached too close to the sun and condemned themself to the ground. After the drinks have finished pouring, he will leave as if nothing had happened, announcing the next date for his visit. There is a silent agreement in the air that night.

You both were not good at living. And you have officially breached the line of co-workers.

[grison-in-space]

I'm genuinely sorry, I was really tired and couldn't think of the word that mad pride movements use. I'm new to all of this. I thought you would be more open to it because you've reblogged from radical leftists (anarchists and communists both) within the past couple of weeks and they're all for Veganism afaik. The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different. I'm not spamming people with it, but I was inspired by an ask by a nonvegan and started asking popular bloggers why they weren't vegan to open up conversation and potentially change people's views on animals. If I've made you uncomfortable I'm sorry, though I admit I'm really confused by your standpoint. You do know that the only reason communism hasn't succeeded is because of America? Anyway, sorry again, I'm also autistic and I didn't mean to dismiss your legitimate dietary needs. Can I recommend acti-vegan's posts? While I understand that you can't go vegan, perhaps their blog will at least help you understand our points, they're much more well-written than my asks and they have plenty of legitimate science resources at hand. Thanks for listening, I'll take your advice into account. I'm not trying to not listen, it's just frustrating because so many people say they get it but they don't change, and if they truly got it they would, you know?

Okay, I get that you didn't mean to be offensive, and fuck knows I shouldn't throw stones when it comes to forgetting specific words. (This happens to me fairly frequently; it's a thing.)

The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different.

So yesterday I actually wrote out and then deleted a whole paragraph to the effect of "part of my deep, deep frustration with animal rights activism hooks into my commitment to the phrase 'nothing about us without us,' because I frequently see the same kinds of emotional projection without making the effort to listen to animals on their own terms from animal rights activism groups."

The first thing I need to make clear to you is that this--veganism and animal rights activism (ARA) more generally--is not new to me. I am in my mid-thirties and I have never had a job of any kind that did not revolve around animals in some way, I've spent time in rescue spaces and vets and universities, I'm queer and I have spent most of my life in leftish progressive circles, so it's kind of hard to miss.

Essentially, you are proselytizing to me as if you were a newly baptized evangelical convinced I had never heard of Jesus, because if only I had heard and understood his holy word, I would be converted instantly to his light! It's not any less irritating when the belief system isn't explicitly a religion.

More under the cut, because this one is long.

Disclaimer one: Veganism isn't synonymous with ARA ideology, but it's deeply entangled with it, and ARA ideology drives the movement of veganism as a (theoretically non-religious) ethical decision. And I object very strongly to the framework imposed by ARA activists. When I say I am not vegan, I am saying that I have considered the ethical framework that underpins veganism as an ethics movement and I have deliberately rejected it.

The second piece of context you should know that when I talk about being a behavioral ecologist, I mean that I'm a researcher who works on animals and that my framework is rooted in trying to understand animals in their own natural ecological context, without necessarily comparing them to humans. There's a lot of ways to study animal behavior you might run into, including attempts to understand universal principles of behavior that transcend species (animal cognition) and attempts to understand how to better treat animals in human care (animal welfare). You know Temple Grandin? Temple Grandin is an ethologist (the field that gave rise to behavioral ecology, also focused on animals within their species context) who worked on animal welfare (finding ways to make slaughterhouses less stressful to livestock, among other things).

Third point: my profession also means is that I work directly with animals--in my case, currently mice--and that I do not think research with animal subjects is wrong as long as all efforts are made to ensure maximal welfare and enrichment for the animals involved. This is another major bone of contention politically between my entire field and ARA groups, and you should know that I have also spent my entire professional career under the shadow of, well, people who care strongly enough about those ideas to invade my workspace and potentially seize my animals and "free" them into a world they do not have the tools to survive in.

So there's where I am coming from. Let's get back to what you're saying. Here, I'll quote again in case you have the same crappy short-term memory I do.

The argument that all brains are different but equal and should be treated the exact same is a primary aspect of mad pride from my understanding, and that speaks to me about animals just having different brains, and that they don't deserve to be exploited and killed for us just because they're different.

Point the first: Even within humans, I don't think that all brains should be treated the exact same. Especially in a disability context! After all, what is an accommodation if not an agreement to treat someone differently because they need certain things to access a space? Accommodations by definition fly in the face of this "treating everyone the same" understanding of fairness. I think all (human) brains are equally valuable, and I think all brains are worthy of respect, but I do not think that it's wise or kind of me to assert that everyone should be treated in the same way. For one thing, I teach students. If there's one thing teaching has taught me, it's that a good teacher is constantly assessing and adjusting their instruction to meet students where they're at, identify failures of understanding, and keep the attention of the classroom.

Point the second: animals do have different brains from humans. That does not mean that animals are inferior, but it does mean that they are alien. There's a philosophy paper, Nagel, What Does It Mean to Be a Bat, that you might find illuminating on this front. Essentially, the point of the paper is that animals have their own experiences and sensory umwelts that differ profoundly enough from humans' that we cannot know what it is like to be a different species without experiencing life as one, and therefore we must be terribly careful not to project our own realities onto theirs. That is, our imagination cannot tell us what a bat values and what it experiences. That is why we have to use careful evidence to understand what an animal is thinking, without relying on our ability to identify with and comprehend that animal. I have watched ARA groups deliberately encourage people to shut their reasoning brains off and emotionally identify themselves with animals without considering within-species context for twenty years. This is a mainstream tactic. It is not an isolated event and for that reason alone I would be opposed to them.

Point the third: there is a definite tendency in lots of people to care deeply and intensely about both animals and people who are seen as "lesser" in status--children, poor people, disabled people, etc--just as long as those groups never contradict the good feelings that come from the helper's own assessment of themselves and their actions. In humans, when the "needy" point out that some forms of help are actually harmful, the backlash is often swift and vicious. This is why animals are such an appealing target of support and intervention. They can't speak back and say "in fact, you are projecting my love of this frilly pink tutu onto me, and I think it's uncomfortable and prevents me from walking." They can't say "I kind of like it better when I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car, actually?"

(By the way: this is also why it's offensive to compare disabled people to animals, because this is generally done at least in part to silence the voices of disabled people speaking for our selves and our communities. We have access to language, and we use it, thank you.)

All forms of animal welfare intervention going right back to the founding of the first RSPCA have been incredibly prone to being hijacked by classist, racist, and otherwise bigoted impulses. This is because animals offer an innocent face for defense that conveniently cannot criticize the actions taken by their champions, and they therefore provide a great excuse for actions taken against marginalized members of human society. Think about the very first campaign the RSPCA ever did, which was banning using dogs as draft animals: a use that is not inherently harmful to dogs, which many dogs actively enjoy, but also one that was specifically used by poor Londoners and which in fact immediately resulted in a great butchery of the dogs that Londoners could no longer afford to feed rather than allowing poor people and their dogs to continue working together. No one was, of course, challenging the particular uses of dogs or any other animal favored by the wealthy. This kind of thing is so, so, so common. Obviously it doesn't mean that all interventions to prioritize animal welfare are inherently bigoted, but it does mean that we have to be critical about our choice of challenges.

On top of everything, the animal rights activist movement's obsession with "exploitation" is a function of the idea that humans are sinful or otherwise Bad in how we interact with animals by definition. For example, take the chicken rescue near me that is so obsessed with the possibility that some human somewhere might benefit from an animal in their care that they implant every hen they adopt out with hormonal implants such that the hens no longer lay eggs--a function that is normally a natural byproduct of a chicken's reproductive system, fertilized or not. A mutualistic relationship involves both parties benefiting, and that is the case for an awful lot of human relationships with animals. In general, the idea that associating with animals is a thing that can only harm animals rather than being a trade between two species to enrich one another is all over these groups. It's just so myopically focused on human shame that it prevents practical interventions that might benefit everyone, and often promotes interventions that don't directly benefit animals but sure do make humans miserable. For example, this kind of thinking is why groups like PETA are absolutely awful at effectively rescuing unwanted dogs and cats: they think pets living in "bondage" with humans are an essentially sad outcome, rather than one that might be mutually enjoyed by all parties.

I'm tired and my meds haven't kicked in, so I'm not currently going to handle the communism thing except to point out that while the US absolutely did destabilize a number of leftist regimes in South America and Africa, Russia and China between them have certainly not treated their own people kindly, either (and more so their own client-nations, as with the former members of the USSR). Please do some reading about the Holodomor and Lysenko in Russia (and frankly all of the details of Stalin's regime) and the Cultural Revolution in China in particular. Khmer Rouge might be worth looking into, too. I am not saying the US's hands are clean, you understand, because they are not; they're as steeped in red as anyone else's. What I am saying is that for people living on the ground, communist revolutions have this nasty habit of turning into bloodbaths and arbitrary slaughters. Do not let your distaste for the US's bloodsoaked imperialism (which, yes, is and was bad) let you fall into the trap of becoming a tankie.

And if you don't know what a tankie is, you really, really should take some time to learn.

[onelittlespiral]

I'd like your BOGO offer. I am the scrawny waterboy for my college. I'd like the kicker of the football team to get taken down a peg or five. I want him to be a nerd and no one else remembers him being a jock.

Subject: Order #100567

Dear (REDACTED),

Thank you for your recent purchase from The Spiral, home for all your transformation needs! Your order #100567 has been received and is on its way as we speak. Your order includes:

(1) Nerd(Assort)_From_Football(Kicker)

(1) Mystery(Self)

Expect delivery in 3-7 days.

Sincerely,

The Spiral

We knew you’d come around and round and round and round…

You had seen just yesterday that your order from The Spiral had finally come through. When you saw some nerd hanging around the practice field, you checked your inbox for the email confirmation. They had provided some details on how they had done it. As the kicker had been leaving practice, they grabbed him and pulled him into an empty supply room. They had him bound and gagged before stripping him of his cleats and cramming his feet in a pair of penny-loafers. The changes, they said, were near instantaneous. Change rippled up his legs as muscle deflated and his lower pads turned to cargo shorts. His stomach flattened and his jersey and pads changed into a sweater and bow tie. He had shrank so much that his restraints had nearly come loose, not that he would be able to fight the men holding him now.

He was already defeated by the time his new glasses were slipped on, which triggered phase two of his changes. Any and all past as a jock we’re gone in an instant, replaced with memories of his advanced mathematics degree and research projects. His memories of summer workouts and practice were now late nights in the library. Football games turned to Quiz Bowls. His mind would no longer be focused on working out his body, instead it was filled with stretches and skills for prepping himself for bottoming. His IQ was shooting up, and he could now understand exactly how to calculate an integral and when to squeeze tight around a dick to elicit the deepest grunts. The team packed up as he was left tied up, growing hornier at the thoughts of his old teammates dominating him like they did the opposing teams…

You couldn’t believe the efficacy of service. Hats off to them for the quick turn around. But you knew you were supposed to get a delivery of your own. You were tired of waiting. But as you were walking home from practice, after scrubbing out bottles and avoiding harassment from the team, you noticed something off. It was strange, but you thought you had smelled one of those jocks following you around. You turned around, worried that some guys were following you home, but the streets around you were empty. Instead, the smell was still coming from behind you, in your book bag. Rolling your eyes, you searched the pockets, expecting to find a jock or some other nasty garment as a dumb prank, but you instead find a chain, buried down at the bottom. In an instant, you feel compelled to hold in in your hands and take a whiff. The scent is metallic and cold how you would expect, while at the same time rancid and wet. You don’t fight the urge as your hands open the clasp and secure it around your neck. The feeling is electric. Your body ripples in response, and you feel your body begin to ache. The cold metallic feeling reaches into your bones and fills your veins with ice. A cold sweat breaks out of you as your body stretches taller and your muscles are filled with cool, hard lead.

I have to get warm, you think, I have to.

Your body seems to respond, as peach fuzz erupts from every inch of your chest, itchy and burning like fire. You scratch, and the hair only grows more in response. It begins to curl around your callousing hands and take root up your arms, spreading its fiery tendrils. You make the mistake of scratching your face, where it also takes root, as a beard erupts from your baby face. The hot licks of fire and freezing spikes of ice is reaching a crescendo as your body is engulfed, ready to reach a melting point and boil off all together when finally… it stops. You are left panting like a dog, sweat dripping from every pore. You knew the transformations offered were powerful, but you never expected this. You take stock of your furry, sweaty body, inspecting every inch of muscle. You feel so… powerful. Flexing your guns and let out an animalistic shout.

But then, something begins to tickle your nose. It smells like the necklace has surrounded you in that layer of stench. Except, it isn’t the necklace. It’s you. Your own sweat is beginning to dry and fill your head. Your past rolls off your brain like the sweat rolls down your washboard abs. Drop by drop you are no longer a waterboy for your football team. You hardly can even understand the sport. You have spent the last few years perfecting your reps and carving your physique. College sports? Who cares. You were lucky enough to graduate high school. You only saw those guys when they needed a personal trainer like you to give them an extra little boost. Those boys spent most of the game standing around. Real men need stamina. And you knew a cardio routine that would get their hearts racing. Bottoming for you was an hours long affair that left boys like them sore, sweaty, and moaning for more. Just how you liked them. You got up off the ground, dusted yourself off, and smirked in the mirror.

Gotta meet my next client in an hour, you think, sticking your tongue out.

In your pocket, you receive an order confirmation from some company called “The Spiral”. Whatever, probably some scam…

Subject: Order #100567 Fulfilled

Dear (REDACTED)

Your order has been fulfilled. We know you have many options, but thank you for supporting The Spiral.

Sincerely,

The Spiral

[sneeb-canons]

heart gets really offput by images of guns, military-related stuff, and anything related to animal abuse [specifically gore of birds makes him really eueegh] so when he and mind are watching movies, or just scrolling youtuber or some other social media, mind watches very carefully for those things and tugs heart's blindfold down onto his eyes when a trigger appears. mind also has triggers [mostly guns like heart but also he hates softwaregore] but he has this system that turns off his eyes and audio processors when he gets triggered, kind of like a blacklist! also heart LOVES regretevator [specifically he adores pilby and split and scag] and often convinces mind and soul to play with him, and soul can identify what floor they're on within a millisecond of the door starting to open, so he warns heart on the landmine-type floor so he doesn't get triggered. soul is DEFINITELY a wcue player, and mind only plays roblox when he has to with his brothers.

^ has all those triggers and plays regretevator w my partner i am projecting so hard

Headcanon #609

[thrill-seeker-if]

Hello everyone. I have no idea how to start this post, but I want to start it as upfront as possible.

TLDR: My uncles shipped my sick grandmother to my home, and they called me to tell me only after she had already landed... when her visa was expiring very soon. And so obviously 1. My job was to keep her alive, and 2. I had to scrounge up money to send her to her home. It has been a very few stressful months. 

In between this, I hit a slump with writing, and felt very burnt out, as I had no time for it between work, trying to keep my grandmother alive, my own health, and my own business. I wish I could say I worked on Thrill Seeker in this time, but I simply couldn’t. I think a huge part of what was so daunting for me was only having myself to rely on and set the schedules, and in a way it came to be that there were lengths of time nothing could get done because there was simply no time in my life to do it. 

This is not meant to be an excuse as to why I was away from the blog for so long. It is simply what made me realize that I cannot continue alone on this project, as I would then be taunted by how much I would have to do that I would end up not being able to do anything at all. 

I was discussing this project with a friend of mine who has been beside me since I started this project, who I know shares my passion in making games, and who has rooted for me from the beginning. While I’m more interested in the storytelling, she’s incredibly fascinated with coding. During this time, we discussed perhaps making a game together-- but recently we got the opportunity to make that into a reality. 

Thrill Seeker is not ending, but rather, it will be changing format. I am so happy to say my incredible friend, Kismet (@kismet-dev), is going to be joining me to reform Thrill Seeker into a Visual Novel! She is one of my best friends and is the most organized person I know, so no more falling off the face of the Earth for me, because I’ve put a lot more planning into the game and now have someone to hold me to my schedules, too!

I understand that it could be disappointing to hear that I’m switching from an entirely text based format to a VN style. I apologize to anyone who is disappointed by this change. It’s been amazing the support I’ve gotten for this game and how many people have stuck to the project, even when I’ve been so flaky, and I want to thank you for sticking to the project when I haven’t been the most reliable developer. I am so grateful for your kindness to me, for all the people who have sent asks and been interested in my characters and story.

When I first created this project, it was just not a viable option for me to make a visual novel, as there would’ve been no chance I had the opportunity to create art, write, and code it. But creating the art for the game inspired me more than when I only had words to go off of, and many different concepts for the game that I had in mind were simply harder for me to make into reality on twine. Thanks to the absolute angel that is my friend Kismet, I will actually be able to create the vision for the game that I’ve seen in my head for the longest time. She’s an excellent programmer and such a wonderfully organized and hard worker, and I know that I wouldn’t have anyone else by my side as we begin to make games together. 

I will be making some changes to this blog as I make it more cohesive for the VN, but I will also use it as an opportunity to organize this blog for those who are interested in knowing more about the characters, settings, etc. It’s a little unorganized and hard to find certain questions, and I’ll do my best to fix that! Note that this will mean that changes are coming to the characters, and pretty major ones. I know that many of the asks I answered in the past will no longer apply to the story as I’ve changed it, so I will be reforming it quite a lot. However, what will not change is the characters themselves; they will still be gender selectable, and their personalities will still remain similar; but I feel like some of my characterization of them has been shallow, and I’m going to be fixing that. 

The launch of the game as a visual novel, with the first chapter, will be coming in August. Thank you so much for reading all this and I hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

[marchoftimes]

Shadow of natal Venus-Lilith aspects

This post is about Black Moon Lilith and i'm mainly talking about the conjunction and harsh aspects.

I have Venus conjunct Lilith in my own chart so here's some notes based off of my personal experience and observations. Sidenote: I am not shaming anyone for having these shadow aspects as they exist within me as well. Dominant Lilith folks are meant to self integrate their shadow sides to gain better awareness and to accept them to become whole. Everything I speak about are things I currently struggle with or have previously struggled with. I want this to be nothing but a safe space for Lilith dominant folks.

Sexualization and fetishization: These people are often sexualized at a very young age and throughout their lives. People often make sexual comments or gestures towards these individuals. Venus-Lilith folks may also become fetishized. People can project their fantasies onto Venus-Lilith natives, treating them as objects, only viewing them as sexual figures rather than actual human beings. People may have hidden agendas towards the Venus-Lilith person as well usually revolving around wanting to obtain something from them such as sex. People may paint Venus-Lilith people to be provocative and "sexually suggestive" when they're simply just existing.

Society: Lilith dominant people are often shamed by others. People project things onto them and create false perceptions of them. Society will stare, create assumptions, and speak behind these people's back. One of the purposes of Lilith dominance in a chart is for the person to completely leave societal expectations to follow their own unique path and to do it fearlessly. This is a huge challenge for them as they will often feel judged, unaccepted and ridiculed by others. They may have had family members project certain ideals onto them which in return they internalized and grew up trying to fit in with everyone around them. They may have been bullied during their developmental years, or got sucked into societal standards. Whatever a Lilith dominant person does that isn't deemed acceptable by the common collective, there will be talk. They must learn to disregard this and to continue to walk their own path and life their lives to the fullest; something that's true to them. They must honor the things that make them different from others.

Self image and self esteem: When/if sexualized at a young age or shamed by others, they can easily internalize this and seek external validation which in return ruins their perceptions of themselves and their self esteem. They could have an obsession over wanting to achieve perfection committing to an ideal that often is projected onto them by another. These people must work on healing this aspect within themselves as they can easily act on self hatred or create a false image of themselves, essentially creating a mask.

Control: Venus-Lilith folks may have issues regarding control within themselves and their relationships. They may resist any control that is put onto them, but can push to control their partners. They have a difficulty with being told no which can lead to acting impulsively and seeking instant gratification to get what they want; when their eyes are set on something, they do everything to get it. They also can have a hard time with compromising with partners due to their need for control. The need for control often stems from not wanting to be taken advantage of by others, especially by their partners.

Men...: Something to be mindful of is men treat Lilith dominant people weirdly. Men who are in relationships will show interest, men will stare at you wherever you go, their eyes will dart or follow your every move, men will unsolicitedly approach you, men will try to control and dominate you, men will think you're seducing them, men will project their fantasies onto you and have no shame in making it known, and men will objectify and sexualize you. I've had men suggest sex or straight up ask me for it; men who I've barely spoken to or just met. It's disgusting.

Sexuality: I have seen this play out in mainly two different ways; one being the Venus-Lilith person refraining from indulging in their sexual desires, restraining their sexuality and sexual expression, or the Venus-Lilith person discovering their sexuality earlier on and becoming sexually liberated. The shadow sides of these two scenarios is they can either be sexually repressed, usually caused by shame or guilt for having such desires, or they can overt their sexuality in an unhealthy manner, leading to debauchery or to gain or win something from another by luring them in. These people must create a healthy relationship with their sexuality and sexual desires so it's not completely dormant and kept on the backburner, or so it doesn't completely overrule their lives.

Relationships: Oftentimes relationships are complicated for Venus-Lilith natives. They can become another person's rebound, can become a third party (or what they call the other woman/a mistress) in someone else's relationship, can enter a toxic relationship, can confuse passion, limerence, and lust for love, or can repeatedly face heartbreak and chaos in one's love life. Something i've experienced in myself and have noticed in others is that there's sometimes there's a struggle with give in take in their relationships. They may want or expect their partner to fulfill all their needs, essentially wanting more than what they can give. They can have a difficult time with feeling entirely satisfied and may unconsciously ask for more than what a person can give. They may put their needs first or focus on how a relationship will serve them rather than entering something solely for love. Venus-Lilith people may be obsessive and have attachments towards potential partners OR they attract obsessive people. Even in the beginning stage of a relationship, they may find that their partners become quickly attached and possessive over the Venus-Lilith native. Jealousy is also another thing they may face within themselves or whomever they're romantically involved with. When they are in love, they're super intense; feeling love so strongly that it consumes them. Heartbreak is incredibly painful for anybody, but people with Venus-Lilith may completely rip themselves apart if heartbroken. At the end of a painful heartbreak or lesson in love, there's always an incredible transformation these individuals go through to better understand themselves and their shadows, deepest desires and fears, and others.

[blood-starved-beast]

Melinoe: Care to cite your sources on how the people that care for me don't actually do so? In 12 pt Times New Greek font and MLA format? 🧐

Eris, who is not at all projecting her own issues here and lowkey expected some meeting in the middle and did not expect Melinoe to respond this way: Oh you know...

Anyways shout out to Melinoe for this level of self-worth. When you have imposter syndrome it can be hard not to fall into bad habits like doubting the love of those around you. Doesn't mean she picks up on Eris's whole deal though (damn the autism is strong with this interaction).

I wonder if this is part of Eris's history though. Back when the house was still Nyx's and Eris was born during that time when Nyx was swamped with work and kids. People smiling at the youngest kid then being kicked out cause she's Strife and the new order that no doubt was established after Hades joined the business didn't allow for that kind of disorder. Like I wonder...

Cause it's interesting. Eris the goddess of discord not only embodies the conflict as we know it but the negative emotions that drive competition if I'm reading my greek myths right. So if you see someone winning Eris is there whispering in your ear to covet their position and do better (metaphorically speaking of course). So that could be the case here with Mel (and in a more abstract sense, the motivation for the fights in the Beach) but also. Could have that been her role in the House pre-Hades? "Inspiration" through spite but when that's not wanted anymore gets kicked from the place? She does have a strong animosity towards the House after all.

[burning-academia-if]

It's funny because I can't bring myself to see Rook as a bad friend.

The way I see him, he's a troubled person with probably a lot of issues. I genuinely think he cares about the MC but whatever circumstances he has have generated a "barrier" between them. A barrier he does his best to hide, but that's still there at the end of the day.

I also have a hard time seeing him "as a romance option" too though, because I rarely like childhood friends to lovers, unless there was a falling out or long separation between childhood and adulthood.

But yeah, back to Rook, I feel like I'm worried about him more than anything, to be fair. He's probably the only RO I actually genuinely worry about as it is, no matter the path. And well, canonically MC doesn't tell Rook everything - probably partly because it's too private, maybe somewhat out of misplaced shame, possibly not to worry HIM... so I guess my MC projects in this case and thinks Rook is the same. Regardless, they are both fools in a way, but in a way I can perfectly understand, and I think they are as good friends as they could have been given their respective circumstances. I just hope what happened to MC will be the "push" needed to make it a more "honest" friendship.

As much as I joke about it I also don't see him as a bad friend. Granted, I am the all seeing author and he's my character so there's bias there lol

Honestly a lot of it just stems from the abuse he suffered from and he has a lot to work through. Not all the angst of his route is even about the slow burn romance and him being Like That, there's genuinely some really difficult things in that route outside of the relationship (so you being more worried for him then anything is spot on lol)

It's a long road to fix things between MC and him, regardless of if you're trying to stay friends or romance him, and that's if you even want to fix things

[decepti-thots]

here is an ask that is a free excuse to talk about any disco elysium prowldome thoughts you have because i am FASCINATED by it in the abstract but having a hard time nailing it down

so your original tags on the post this relates to specified that CD is Kim (and therefore, Prowl is Harry) and that is what actually made me really interested. because not making the self-destructive amnesiac character CD (who in canon is... that in a different way) was SO interesting to me. i will cut this both for potential DE spoilers and also so people can choose whether or not to read my overlong ramblings. lmao.

so the thing about DE as a text is that it's doing a really specific thing gameplay wise, derived from the biggest inspiration it has mechanically, which is the game Planescape Torment. specifically it is doing this thing where the idea of the amnesiac protagonist as a 'clean slate' is troubled by constant catastrophic interaction with NPCs that knew your player character before they lost their memory, so while you as the player are roleplaying as them as vessels to project yourself onto because of their diagetic memory loss, you are constantly having that fantasy of 'starting over fresh' and total control over them as an agent undermined by the reality that other people remember them, and their influence on this fictional world pre-dates your own.

i think that's SUCH a fascinating lens through which to look at what Prowl does as a character; his constant attempts at- and more to the point failure at- reinvention, because the thing that constantly gets in his way is always... himself. his own past actions catching up to him and his inability to handle that. right? so he's an incredibly interesting kind of archetype to put into this story just because the thing that always undermines him is his inability to get away from his impact on other people. he can change how he feels or who he is, but he can't change what he's done. this is a really great character to put into a narrative role like Harry in DE.

the thing is that Chromedome is not Kim, because the entire point of Kim is to give you someone to make that new first impression on. right? Kim is the character from out of town who knows of you by reputation but has no pre-existing relationship to you as an actual person. who you decide to play Harry as in the moment becomes who Kim knows you to be.

if Chromedome is anyone, surely he's. you know. Harry's ex he keeps alienating by calling her and freaking her out begging her to come back because he thinks they're inevitable and he refuses to tolerate life without her. he's Dora, at least very loosely. (well. he could be Jean, i guess. but like. I do not give a fuck about Jean. sorry.)

so i was thinking this over and like... a DE version of these two where the twist is that you think Chromedome is Kim and this is how these two meet on a case and become (professional) partners, and in reality he's been lying since realising that Prowl has no memory and he is, in fact, the ex that Prowl's limbic system keeps dropping hints he's really fucked up over (and who he has lingering repressed guilt over the knowledge he did in some way fuck over)... i think that's how i see this working tbh. it's fascinating to imagine how Chromedome would like. respond to that. and what his motivations are- both what they start off as and where they end up depending on how things go, and what an amnesiac Prowl decides to do and how he chooses to conduct himself.

there are a lot of things that i think are completely inextricable from DE even in the context of vague wonderings about silly hypothetical fandom AUs. first off, DE is about politics, and the kind of person Harry becomes in the face of his amnesia is tied extremely closely to that. fandom tends to gloss over the fact that a ton of Prowl's negative development in exRiD specifically is also linked to that comic making some points about politics, i feel; it's not that they're subtle or anything lmao, fandom just tends to focus on characters in a very individualist sense that doesn't always line up with what that comic is using them for. Prowl is someone who refuses to relinquish wartime power (and the abuses thereof) in the aftermath of a (from his perspective, still ongoing) conflict. and he is the guy, in DE, who would have been intellectually sympathetic towards the revolution, but he'd also have been working to put it down. (also, this is clearly different from Harry, who grew up in the aftermath of its failure, the generation dealing with an after that was traumatic.) and so much of Prowl's moves towards that tight grip on authoritarian power in exRiD comes from a contextually developed fear- both for himself (if he relinquishes his sunk cost fallacy there are a lot of things he did that were not justified) and for the society he imagines is under constant risk of falling into chaos if he does not. but what does he believe when he doesn't remember all the things that brought him to that point? i mean, the prowl we saw in Shadowplay thinks very differently than the one we see in the present. and specifically Roberts writes Prowl as someone whose initial drive was to try and escape the war and its conflicts altogether. so your angle there is very in line with what DE does with Harry and his amnesia, I think.

Chromedome meanwhile... i think the idea of a post-war Chromedome who has survived his own attempts at self-destruction and come to loathe Prowl playing this role of silent, judgemental observer of Prowl with this ostensible opportunity to change, who lies about not knowing Prowl as a kind of mirror to the way Chromedome has erased other relationships in his life to avoid confronting the pain of them... is really interesting, honestly. (there are versions of this where he is married to Rewind and there are versions of this where Rewind is at least temporarily still dead, and i like both tbh.) does Chromedome want Prowl to be able to genuinely change through this? perhaps the cracks in his story start showing when unlike Kim, he responds with increasing frustration at Prowl actually doing so, a thing it doesn't make sense for him to be bitter about if he's really a stranger. meanwhile Prowl is clearly and immediately latching onto Chromedome as someone he has decided he admires, and declares trust in. (harry idealizes kim a lot; the vision he has of dora, too, calls him out on literally deifying her; and we see in idw canon that for all his irritation with Chromedome now he casually asserts ludicrous stuff like 'you're literally too fantastic at your job for it to kill you' and so on.) had Chromedome comfortably convinced himself that was all bullshit and Prowl has no actual remaining feelings towards him, that it was all just to get Chromedome to do useful shit for him when he snapped his fingers? does seeing evidence to the contrary- that Prowl's feelings continue to be, annoyingly, real and genuine- destabilize him?

god there's a TON more i want to think about here. obviously there are a lot of things DE explores that bringing into this complicates as well. DE talks about suicidality and addiction extensively, obviously, for starters. (which are probably themes most people would automatically project onto Chromedome, which makes this specific configuration really interesting, i think.) the inevitable futility of trying to be an individual who is 'one of the good ones' in a system where that doesn't matter and will never allow you to be. you could probably tie that in with functionism if you wanted, and Prowl's seeming baseline agreement with at least some parts of that system on some level despite it clearly not benefiting him overmuch. right? there's a lot of potential room to engage directly with not just the basic plot setup of DE but its actual themes i think, which sort of surprised me to realise. (and is why it kept bopping around in my head, because that's really the only way i would be interested in a fusion AU kind of thing modelling itself on Elysium; i'm not here for the trope-y setup, i'm here for what DE actually does thematically and the crunchier topics it commits to exploring.)

anyway. please consider. you know that skill check you can get in the last dream with Dora? the one you can 'succeed' and it's really, really bad to do so, actually? yeah. please consider that skill check in this context. ahahaha. I SURE AM

[williamlandon]

VERY LATE IK BUT HERES MY SECURITY BREACH MERMAY PROJECT :D

——————————————————————————————————

( I’ll make a Roxanne and Freddy drop eventually bc I am very proud of this AU and their designs so dw. )

:——————————————————————————————————————————————————: Lore:

-Monty is the appointed royal guard for Chica, who is a princess over a sector of the Atlantic Ocean. -Chica loves going out on adventures and just being free, which also results in her neglecting her royal duties.

-Monty takes his job very seriously, for he has been training to become a royal knight since he was little. So he ends up taking the bullet when it comes to Chica’s shenanigans, thus the amount of scars and bruises on his fins. -Despite the constant chaos between the two, they are best friends. Chica enjoys his company while Monty is thankful she gave him this position he worked so hard for (merfolk saw him as a little too dangerous to be within castle walls due to his rare breed, but when Chica was little she saw him as a friend and was able to convince her parents to give him a chance, therefore making him feel incredibly in-debt to her despite her telling him constantly to not worry about it).

-Chica’s parents were hunted by pirates and were killed in an attack on the kingdom, so Monty feels even more pressure to keep her safe at all costs.

-Listen to the new Billie Eilish album that shit goes hard it so pretty oops off track uh

-Some people think they are a secret couple and they hate it, but that doesn’t stop them from being the bestest of friends.

-Chica’s dream is to explore the Surface, or as the merfolk call it the Land Within the Sky, but Monty forbids her to even get close due to the attack 14 years ago. She finds this as his incredibly annoying trait but he genuinely fears for her life. -In an attempt to somewhat calm her desires relating to the Land Within the Sky, Monty decides to look for some kind of treasure or trinket from the Surface to give to her, not realizing he will find a more conniving evil…

:——————————————————————————————————————————————————: These two are the sweetest bunch and I’m in love with this AU. Just wait till the others join oh hoho :——————————————————————————————————————————————————:

( I completely forgot but I’ll get into the jewel lore later I’m too tired rn and I’ve got a gay furry couple week to complete. )

[wendytestabrat]

another obvious reason why kyle rips on cartman for being fat all the time

ok so like the past couple days i've been trying to read more and learn more about judaism (bc i'm a nerd). even tho i'm an ashkenazi jew i've never known that much about judaism the religion outside of being jewish by race/ethnicity FHDJSJSK. and yes for the ignorant people out there who don't know there's a HUGE difference between between practicing judaism and just being jewish bc yeah i hate it when people assume bc of my jewish background that i'm super religious like bitch i was raised by ATHEISTS. even my gma the holocaust survivor didn't believe in god which goes to show the holocaust was abt targeting jews as a race not a religion but i don't need to get into all of that rn. ok let's move on to shitting on kyle, the part ya'll RLLY care about. so i think a BIG reason why kyle shits on cartman for being fat sm is bc HE HAS TO EAT KOSHER DUH (which was confirmed in the episode "ginger kids" when kyle said his mom packed him a kosher lunch) which i can't believe i never realized before lol. some other things i've theorized on in the past is how kyle is just taking out his anger abt his fat obnoxious mom onto cartman for being fat and obnoxious. bc yeah obviously kyle can't backsass his mom but he can backsass cartman all he wants bc he's an easier target LOL. i've also theorized that kyle has an eating disorder so he's just projecting all of his negative views about his body and food onto cartman. but the problem may not be abt kyle not wanting to eat.....it could be the complete opposite in that he WISHES he can eat whatever he wants. and after looking into what exactly kosher is....yeah it's understandable why kyle is so miserable LOL. i'm not trying to shit on you if you're jewish and you eat kosher like i'm all about trying different diets i think that's rlly cool, but it's understandable that it would be hard for a kid to do that bc kids loveeee eating junk food and whatever they want all the time. and it's ESPECIALLY hard for a jewish kid if he/she is the only one eating like that while all of his/her peers get to eat whatever. but yeah if u rlly look into the nitty gritty of it, kosher eating jews are NOT ALLOWED TO EAT PORK. so this means kyle has prob never been allowed to eat shit like bacon or hot dogs in his entire life TSHDHSKS. they're also not allowed to have any other meats UNLESS it was prepared and butchered a certain way. so i can imagine kyle wouldn't be allowed to eat a lot of the foods with meat they serve at school. AND ALSO they're not allowed to eat milk and meat together at the same time and this goes for anything with milk in it such as butter or cheese which means kyle isn't even allowed to eat cheeseburgers LOL. so in kosher u would either have to eat a meal that is mostly just milk/dairy products or one that's mostly meat. so yeah when you put all of that into context it makes A LOT of sense why kyle gets so grumpy over cartman being fat and why he's soooooo critical over his eating choices. he's prob just jealous that cartman gets to enjoy food and eat whatever the fuck he wants all the time and he doesn't.

[cinamun]

hi! okay—first off? the masterful way in which you’re able to invoke such thoughtful conversations with your storytelling is everything to me. every update of TFA feels like a character study of people we’ve all encountered at some point in our lives! it’s beautiful, really.

secondly! with that being said, i wanted to pick your brains a bit about indira! i don’t know if you’ve ever talked about this before, but regarding our girl’s preference for non-exclusive relationships—how much of it would you attribute to her personality, and how much could be considered a trauma response?

considering all that she’s been through, given her own experience with an overly (wrongfully) possessive man in her life that overstepped SEVERALLLL boundaries [+ having to witness the aftermath of what elijah…rip…did to hope] i just always got the vibe that those things collectively made her very wary of wanting a man to ever feel that comfortable with having a ‘claim’ to her. which is understandable! but the idea also makes me very sad for her; since so much of her current mindset towards dating seems like more of a trauma response than anything.

like yes! as a 21 year old myself, i get the idea of wanting to be free and wanting to date around! but is indira really dating? or is she just entertaining people to avoid looking deeper at a bigger problem/fear that she has, and isn’t willing to overcome at this current point in her life? both things are valid, but i just wanted to hear your take as the storyteller because indira is SUCH an interesting character to me, and i’d love to get a deep-dive on her mindset because i relate to…well…almost all of her story 😭 and i’ve found that my own take on dating has shifted drastically due to my experiences with men in the past. where indira is avoidant but still interested in pursuing SOME form of intimacy/companionship, i’ve staunchly sworn off sex and use dating apps as a means to test the waters to ‘see if i’m even ready to date’ … and i’m not. which almost always leads to me getting overstimulated and ghosting after a day or two of light conversation, lol. so this could easily just be me projecting! but either way, i’d love to hear your thoughts!)

Good morning friend! If we aren't taking a deep dive at the human condition, what are we even doing? lol I very much enjoy picking apart our behaviors and why we do the things that we do. Why not put these pixels in Situations™ and then pick it apart in the replies and asks and sometimes DMs?

About Indira...

She is her mother's child and her wanting to date with no strings attached is part of her personality. Indira is healthy, she's happy, she's wealthy and she's beautiful. Why can't it just be that she has no desire to be anything more than what she wants? If a man sleeps around, we don't question it most times. But as soon as we saw a grown, independent, emotionally stable Dira sleep with two men while telling them exactly what their role was, we decided she was foul and something must be 'wrong'.

I find that fascinating!

Why can't it just be that Indira is having fun and living life? Why can't it just be that she is young, carefree and likes big dicks and big wallets?

Having said that, we have yet to hear from Dira how the experience with Rahul and Ryker may have shaped her as an individual (not just who she sleeps with). We saw bits and pieces about how Elliot's demise impacted her and certainly it wasn't a positive impact. Luckily, Dr. Carter, the family therapist, took turns with each of the Drake children after The Tragedy on the Pier™. She didn't have to go through it alone and worked hard in theraphy to develop healthy boundaries and work through the trauma.

Needless to say, there is so much more to come with her. We've only caught glimpses because the story has gone in a few different directions since her debut in Tomarang as a brand new young adult. I do hope you stay tuned for what is to come!

[obscure-imaginations]

Starscream Relationship Alphabet. No particular Starscream in mind. Can be Cybertronian or human reader.

Blacklist. | Commissions Open!

Dedicated to @sun-uwu-kong <3

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Affectionate to the Well and back! He may put a halt in front of others, to save his reputation, but he’s affection-starved in private. He’ll be nuzzling and chirping at you for attention, giving you affection and needing it in return. Like a cat.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Starscream is a very chaotic best friend. He’s always ready to get into trouble with you by his side. He can be whiny and demanding of your attention but he's a good support- if you ever need someone to complain at, he’s there. He’ll most likely suggest, ah, *violent* solutions to your problems, but it’s all in good faith.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Sleepy cuddles are the best, so he can rest his wings around the both of you. But he’ll also pull you in for random cuddles throughout the day when the opportunity arises.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Starscream is too good for cooking and cleaning. He has other people to do it for him!

E = Effort (How much energy do they put into the relationship?)

A fair amount. Starscream can be caught up in his work and schemes, and he tends to be forgetful when absorbed in a project, but he always makes it up to you. He’s known for his dramatics so he has no qualms with declaring his proclamations of love whenever you need it. When you get his focus, he’s attentive to your needs.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Ooh… Unfortunately Starscream has some commitment issues due to trauma. It takes at least a decade for him to get comfortable with the idea. You’d be his conjunx much earlier than that, but actual marriage scares him a bit. But once he knows you're not going to leave him and you’re in this mess for life? You’re going to have the most theatrical wedding Cybertron has ever seen!

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Half and half. He can be brash and occasionally rude because he’s not always aware of his surroundings nor other people’s feelings. But he always makes it up to you, panicking if he accidentally hurts you in any manner. He’ll fold his wings and approach you like a dog who’s in trouble.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Starscream is touch starved. Once he’s alone with you, he’s demanding hugs and cuddles. He needs it desperately. His hugs are nice, even if his form seems rough around the edges.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Starscream expresses his love in different ways at first. Proclaiming that he’d kill for you is basically an “I love you”. After a few months he’ll gently scoop your face in his hands and murmur “I love you” softly with a light blue blush.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Everyone knows he’s a drama queen, and he secretly has self esteem issues. So yeah, he’s *very* jealous. It more so manifests in him demanding your attention at inopportune times, such as when Megatron is trying to give orders or Shockwave is giving a report. He will cling his servo to yours and squeeze hard to be subtle. He’s horrible with words when it comes to this but all he needs is a hug, a kiss, and an “I love you”.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He loves dramatically kissing the back of your hand, to be fancy. He enjoys receiving forehead kisses. “Real” kisses are often passionate in some sense- he puts his entire being into meaningful kisses.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Do not let this walking mech of chaos around children. He is a bad influence.

Same with my OC, Orbit. Megatron is usually getting on Starscream’s case for teaching Orbit bad habits.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Whining about wanting to continue cuddling. When he finally gets up he’s grumbly but he feels better when he gets into his morning routine. Sometimes he lets you help him get ready for the day.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Before recharging, he enjoys preening himself as the proud Seeker he is. He doesn't let you buff his wings unless you're ready to get spicy, but he will let you groom other areas. He’s proud of his visage even when he’s feeling more insecure.

He’ll wind down with you in his arms, rumbling his engines in happiness to have his conjunx to himself.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Starscream likes to think he’s mysterious. However, he tends to spew random bits of information when he thinks out loud to himself. Officially, however, he takes a little bit to give full details- especially about past traumas.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Starscream has the patience of a hungry bitlet. When he wants something, he wants it now!! He can never get truly angry at you, though, even when you mess up. He might pout when his pride is wounded but he always makes it up with plenty of chitters.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Starscream always saves every bit of information he gets. It’s instinct for him- for his plots and schemes. Now he uses that to his advantage to surprise you! If you see something you want in passing, he’ll get it for you… sometimes obtained legally. He remembers everything about you, down to your favorite pair of socks.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

When he realized that you actually love him and you aren't going to leave. Starscream’s ego makes up for his poor self esteem, so he talks big, but secretly, he’s very insecure. Having you to love him, *truly* love him, is a blessing from the AllSpark itself.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Starscream is protective in a subtle way. If anyone upsets you, he digs up the worst blackmail he can find to intimidate them into leaving you alone… permanently. If that doesn't work? He has his ways. Don't worry about the sudden influx of scrap or that weird red stain on the floor.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Ultimate effort. Starscream wants to make sure that you feel loved in every manner possible. Even the smallest gift is wrapped to perfection. Anniversary dates are the most romantic he can muster. Every day affections are always filled with love.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Starscream is vain and sometimes thinks he’s “too good” for some things. If you want to do something he’s snobby about, just go do it without him and he’ll learn his lesson- he always gets pouty when you're separated.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Practically as vain as Knockout, and that’s saying something. Seekers are a proud people. He’s always touching up his paints and buffing himself to pure shine.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He’ll never admit it out loud, but you’re the other half of his spark. When you're separated for longer periods of time, he gets so whiny and dramatic that even Soundwave gets concerned for his emotional health. (His trine will fall to their knees and praise you when you return /lh /hj)

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He talks about you to his trine constantly. Starscream tends to blabber without thinking much- he just likes to talk, and with a voice like that, who can blame him?- so the trine knows some exclusive details, such as those adorable pajamas you wore to bed three days ago.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Like with “U”, he’s snobby about certain things. He doesn't like cooking, or cleaning unless he’s prepping his own form.

In a partner… he dislikes when you don't pay attention to him. He doesn't demand your full attention at all times, but he demands acknowledgment!!

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Spreads his wings to take up the whole bed. He’s embarrassed because he can’t really control it. His wings also twitch on occasion, but it’s adorable.

[heyclickadee]

Because I still think they’re bringing Tech back one way or another (in the immortal words of the late great Kanan Jarrus, “I’m being optimistic.”) and because I actually do need an explanation for why CX-2 was like that (because you cannot tell me we spent between 30 and 55 minutes, most of which was spent with just us watching him do stuff and not him interacting with the batch, on a symbolic construct—even if it’s not Tech, that’s an entire character at that point), here is another “CX-2 was Tech, but not physically” theory:

1. Hemlock captured and attempted to CX Tech. But, Tech being Tech, he resisted for months, and even once mostly CXd retained quite a bit of his personality in a way Hemlock found both interesting and a little worrying. Because of this, Tech became something of a special project. This is one of the reasons Hemlock never used Tech to threaten Omega—he wanted this particular CX-candidate under lock and key, and he thought that Tech had just enough personality while still in progress that he might relapse if he saw Omega, should Omega find her way to wherever Tech was being held the way she found her way down to Crosshair’s cell.

2. Since Tech was a special project, since finally well and truly CXing him (or at least getting him subdued enough to be under control, which I think is more likely) took time and effort, and since CXs don’t exactly have the best survival rate (Rex implies that he’s run into a slew of them, meaning they all probably died), Hemlock didn’t really want to send CX-Tech out just to have him die in two seconds. Alternatively: Hemlock CXd Tech just to see if he could work out a way to CX a defective clone, since it wasn’t working with Crosshair, but Tech was too badly injured to be sent out into the field without extensive cybernetics (if, say, his legs were toast after the fall or if he had a spinal chord injury that caused him chronic pain) that Hemlock didn’t want to spend money on only for him to die out in the field anyway. Or, maybe, he wanted to keep playing with Tech, because he’s Royce Hemlock and he’s a monster.

Then, either while looking for a solution for what to do with a CX project he didn’t want to waste, or as a motivation for why he worked so hard to CX Tech in the first place, Hemlock looked through Clone Force 99’s military records at one point or another and was struck by how effective a team of people with unique traits could be while working in together as a single unit. And, being the terrible mad scientist Silicon Valley startup CEO that he is, Hemlock decided to see if he could take that concept to a horrifying extreme.

3. So what he ends up doing with Tech is not that dissimilar from what Wat Tambor does with Echo. CX-Tech’s unconscious somewhere, down at the bottom of Tantiss, heavily brainwashed and sedated but still himself somewhere deep down, hooked up to some kind of apparatus, and Hemlock started using him to try to “drive” the other CXs with some kind of Avatar-style link. It becomes part of Hemlock’s updated CX process. That way the CXs can be really, truly interchangeable. (Bonus points if Tech was also the partially successful midichlorian transfer and Hemlock is taking advantage of that somehow to make this work. It’s bullshit Star Wars fantasy science—don’t think about it too hard.)

4. Though Hemlock may have tried this with others, the first CXs we see that he’s tried this with are CX-1 and CX-2. It marginally works with CX-1, to the point that Tech is there as an influence, but isn’t really in charge. He’s influential enough, however, that that’s why CX-1 reacts to Crosshair the way he does. CX-1 does know Crosshair from various conditioning sessions, but the weird beef CX-1 has with Crosshair, “If you want answers so badly, then why aren’t you asking him? Isn’t that right, brother?” and that weird warning he gives them, is all that little bit of Tech that’s sitting there in the back of CX-1’s head.

With CX-2, however, the link works so well that that’s just CX-Tech in another body.

5. Sidebar, but in this theory, it’s CX-1 who’s staring Crosshair down in Shadows of Tantiss. Or, it’s Tech staring Crosshair down through CX-1’s eyes. (One thing that has always bugged me about that shot is that the pose is 100% Tech, and we’re visually being told that it’s Tech with the armor and the lines on the wall, but that guy’s legs are proportionally just a little too short for it to BE Tech. Which could be explained multiple other ways, of course—Tech could have cybernetic legs that are shorter now, Hemlock could have gone in and surgically made his legs shorter to make him blend in with the other CXs better, they didn’t have the budget to make a Tech-specific CX model, who knows. But—I still like it being Tech without it physically being him in this shot.)

6. Another sidebar, but in this theory the reason the CX tracker isn’t something that will be picked up by a scanner is because the signal or link or whatever it is that Hemlock’s using to enable CX-Tech to drive the other CXs IS the tracker. Or the link is being established through the other CX’s inhibitor chips (which a scanner won’t pick up) or something. And when they die, the tracking signal goes dead, too.

7. Extra sidebar: Hemlock was originally going to use Crosshair for this. These were the “other plans despite his resistance to re-education” he mentions to Omega in Confined. Crosshair may or may not know this. Hemlock may have also point blank told Crosshair that he put Tech through the CX process and that Tech is “dead” in an attempt to break Crosshair, despite that not being literally true (in much the same way Wat Tambor said, “Your friend is dead,” about Echo to Rex in the TBB arc). Which just wigs out Crosshair even more when multiple CXs and especially CX-2 show up and start acting like Tech.

8. This was Hemlock’s plan for the Worst Batch CXs—basically, to have a group of CXs with unique traits all being controlled by a single mind. That mind being Tech, who he’s already got successfully “driving” CX-2.

9. Fast forward to the finale, Hemlock lets the whole worst batch out at once. This ends up being why the Worst Batch CXs have no personality, why Hemlock hesitated on sending them out at all (he wasn’t sure they would all even operate at the same time, and was so, so smug when they did), why CX-2 has so much less personality in the finale and only manages that one line, why they aren’t that big of a threat once the batch gets backup and aren’t being caught by surprise; why the worst batch CXs are so hard to kill and keep getting up, zombie-like, after they’ve been shot, why that one guy who gets his helmet knocked off walks around like he’s sleepwalking, and why the sword CX hands the sword over to CX-2. CX-2 gets more attention than the others because he’s the CX that Tech’s been driving the longest, so it takes less of an effort, but all of them collectively activated at the same time? Tech is having to drive all of them, and he’s just one guy. He’s stretched too thin and it’s almost too much to keep them moving. So they’re barely conscious and only half aware of what’s happening to them.

10. This would means that every single POV shot we got from either a tube or from a CX—because we get two from tubes, several POV shots from CX-2 including in the finale, and one significant one from CX-1—in season three is from Tech’s perspective, because he’s looking through all of them to one extent or another.

11. Whether some of the CXs survived or not—and I hope some of them did—Tech coming back and recovering in a later (possible follow up) showwould mean getting a some in-universe sympathy for the CXs that was mentioned in interviews but sorely lacking in the final product. They still would have been people under all of that, Tech would have “operated” them all to their deaths, and Tech would have been in their heads going through all of that with them as they died or got hurt. All of them, at the same time. And he would have been CX-2 (just operating in a body that wasn’t his) and done everything CX-2 did. That’s a lot to deal with. Bonus points if Tech mentioning that he was all of the CXs in the final fight and being in multiple bodies at once leads to Echo talking about what it’s like to scomp in from an internal perspective. Even if it’s just one line.

(For the record, I would actually quite like it if Tech was just CX-2 straight up and survived being impaled, and if the explanation was just, “CX-2 had to “die” and the pod that kept turning him into this had to be killed for Tech to start living again,” because it’s VERY Star Wars, but I’d be okay with this, too.)

[kitheking]

toxic traits i think redacted characters have/used to have

david - gaslighting. he’s better now, but he was a professional. he would pull every trick in the book to make somebody feel like they were at fault for everything. the type of person to upset you, say “you’re overreacting” then deny the whole thing happened. angel fixed him.

asher - conflict avoidance. he hates fighting (especially in a relationship) so when things upset him, he addresses them in the most indirect way possible and ends up being passive aggressive. he usually apologizes tho.

milo - his toxic trait is that he doesn’t have any. (i actually couldn’t think of one for milo lmk if you have one) UPDATE: the only negative trait i can think of him having is that he can hold a grudge for the rest of his life if you let him (ty @frenchiefitzhere for this one) other than that he’s weirdly perfect?

lasko - dishonesty + conflict avoidance. like asher, he’s not big on conflict, but he often lies so people won’t get upset with him. ends up biting him in the ass tho.

damien - PETTY. omfg he can be the most childish person on earth. if you piss him off he’ll act out all of your pet peeves in the span of 3 minutes, disorganize things in your home, point out your insecurities, and he can and will go weeks without speaking to you.

huxley - toxic positivity. he isn’t always like this, but occasionally he’s the type of person to say “well, look on the bright side!” when you go to him to vent. sometimes he just makes people feel like their feelings aren’t valid.

gavin - we all know he’s arrogant. sometimes it’s just too much.

vincent - he’s overly competitive. he likes to be “the best” at everything and he’s a sore loser

aaron - he used to be judgmental and insanely critical. if he lets somebody do something for him, it’s never good enough. also the type of person to be like “um actually🤓” when you say literally anything.

sam - used to be super close minded and blames all the wrong people for things out of their control. if you saw fred and brights storyline you’d know

don’t even get me started on the listeners holy shit

[caffichai]

More Asbestos!

Thanks everyone for participating in the poll! What an absolutely wild last minute turnaround, and also a close race!

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