#i was at my parents for a month bcs of summer and i truly could not comprehend any of their mokkas

[luke-hughes43]

maybe a kinda part two of the quinn twin sister and trevor but more of her confront quinn and why he did what he did and she being upset at him but quinn just wanting to protect his twin sister and kinda just her forging him as she knows her twin is always just trying to protect her, and maybe quinn approving of trevor when he sees how truly happy he makes his sister

YES YES YES!!

so maybe like when the ducks so and visit Vancouver, Jim and ellen are in town and visiting two of their kids and so her and trevor go over to Quinns place for dinner with their parents. (bc obvi Jim and ellen know that reader and trev are together especially queen ellen bc she knows everything abt her kids)

reader storms in, "QUINTON JEROME HUGHES!"

the apartment is quiet as reader tracks through the apartment to find Quinn, Jim, and ellen sat quietly in the kitchen. she makes direct eye contact with Quinn and tears into him.

"what the hell is the matter with you? who says you get to meddle in my life and in my dating life. who I choose to date is my business and my business only do we understand each other? you had no right to tell trevor not to come around this summer. what the hell were you thinking Quinn?"

"what is she talking about Quinn?" ellen asks in her usually calm voice.

"I told trevor not come around this summer when y/n would be there, mom. I saw how close she was getting to him and I could tell that there were feelings there and I was trying to protect her. y/n, all I was trying to do was protect you. I know trevor's reputation and I was trying to protect you from that and save you the heartbreak."

"and how is it any of your business? I'm an adult Quinn, I can make my own choices. and if I'm not mistaken our younger brother has a rep in jersey that's worse than trevor's so unless you're tearing into jack and telling him to smarten up, then your setting a double standard with your twin fucking sister."

"I'm sorry y/n, I really am. I thought I was protecting you."

"yea well you weren't. you were just making me upset. and what did you think was happen once the season started, trev lives with me."

"I don't know. I was kinda hoping he was gonna figure out that I wanted him to move out of your place."

"yea well now we've been dating for 4 months." y/n says to him. trevor is now standing behind reader and rubbing softly up and down her arms. Quinn sighs, "I figured. I can tell you've been happier and I'm sorry for trying to stand in the way of that."

"thanks. and yea, he does make me happy." reader says and smiles up at trevor. trev returns the smile and Quinn offers a hand out to trevor, "I'm sorry bro. we good?"

"yea we're good. I have a younger sister, I get it." trevor says as he shakes quinn's hand. the rest of the night goes smoothly and ellen even gives Quinn a good talking too once reader and trevor leave.

Quinn spends the next 6 months apologizing for the whole and even invites trevor out for the whole summer instead of just 5 weeks.

[mostesteemedgingeroverlord]

It’s about to be my birthday and I just keep thinking about how *much* the last year has been.

I lost my darling grandfather, but I’m slowly getting my dad back. Or maybe just truly having him for the first time. But that’s also mostly happening be he’s been sick for months, which is making him reevaluate a lot.

My parents are closer and healthier than ever, but they’re also barely scraping by because Dad can’t work.

My aunt who I have been very close to as an adult said some really hurtful things to me when Granddad was dying and now there’s a weird distance between us that I don’t know how to breach. But as I was crying about that my mom called me and told me how proud she was of me and how much it meant to her that I was there taking care of Granddad when she couldn’t.

My oldest brother is growing ever distant and into someone I’m afraid won’t be a kind and gentle man. But my younger brothers and sisters are growing kinder and wiser and, God, I am more hopeful for them than I have been in years.

My friend who I went to college with and have traveled the world started fighting with other friends and pulling away from us. But my friend who moved away last summer has become closer than when she was here and now we’re going to travel together (provided my finances become less bottom up lol).

I’ve given up on the idea of best friends (I was never too keen on it to begin with) and I’m trying to ride the waves of closeness as they come, bc very few of my close friends have remained the same for the last year. Even fewer the last five. I could certainly count them on one hand. But that’s okay! You can’t always love a lot of people and love them all equally well. At the end of the day, we’re finite and we most affect and are most affected by the people in our lives day to day.

My roommates both moved out (for separate reasons) right as several (more) things on the house went wrong and now I am back to paying for the mortgage by myself with a savings that has been wiped out by weddings and family problems as well as house problems over the last year.

My faith, as always, walks a razors edge, as I wrestle not let truth fall prey to opinion and desire. Trying to understand the things that bewilder me, to be faithful to God, to know and love Him, is slowly becoming easier. Setting down my burden, learning truly to be weak—oh I so hate to be weak— is healing me. In a lancing the wound, cutting out the gangrene, pouring alcohol on the cut kind of way. But in my core, in my heart of hearts, I believe and know (despite all the religious corruption I grew up in), that this Jesus was who he said he was and that truth must decide my life.

I once hiked a trail that I was not in the best shape for. But I had trained for it and was in better shape than I had thought. I got so hungry, but there were enough snacks. I was so thirsty, but we had plenty of water. I got winded, but there was enough time for me to take breaks. My legs were burning, but finally we started to go downhill. My brother got cold, but I had an extra jacket. We got frustrated, but we started to be silly and soon were laughing. I got disheartened, but my brother ran ahead to tell me there was a sign (parking lot one kilometer ahead).

I would not have been strong enough to do that hike unequipped and alone. But I was equipped and I wasn’t alone. Just as I have not been unequipped and alone the past year or the past twenty-five. And I won’t be for whatever’s left.

[magentagalaxies]

hi @liliana-von-k, thanks for the follow! i have answered this question before but i love talking about kids in the hall and my "origin story" with them so i'm happy to tell it again (jsyk it will be a long post bc i always have to tell the full story bc i love it so much)

basically my parents have both been kith fans since the 90s, so even before i had seen any of the show itself there were certain kith quotes that were just part of my family's vocabulary. the first sketch i watched was "these are the daves i know" when i was like 8 years old and i became obsessed with that song. i watched a few other sketches/the first few episodes from season one but i didn't truly get into kith until after their documentary "comedy punks" was released

see, my mom is a big documentary person so she was like "oh hey there's a new kids in the hall documentary! do you want to watch it?" and i just kind of shrugged and was like sure i'll be in the room while it's on, probably working on my own stuff or scrolling on my phone. but like not even five minutes in i was hooked. while i'd always enjoyed kids in the hall's comedy, something about hearing the very personal histories of how the troupe came together and survived for all these years was so affecting. i think it was scott specifically that really signaled to me that this show was something special, and the part where bruce talked about comforting scott while he had cancer by telling him how the rest of the troupe would die first was so powerful. honestly no individual movie has changed my life more than comedy punks did specifically bc it gave me that push to get into kith and approached it from such a human perspective, which definitely informed my approach to the rest of their work and them as people. i remember watching comedy punks for the first time and getting this strange feeling i couldn't pin down yet that was like this is important, not just referring to the show or the troupe, but like this feeling that i had just crossed a turning point in my life, and i remember feeling this pull towards toronto which seemed frivolous at the time but has been so heavily solidified as i'm now planning to move there in just over a year.

so i bingewatched all of the kids in the hall tv show in summer 2022, as well as brain candy, death comes to town, the amazon season, etc. basically as much kith stuff as i could find. but i needed more. so i started getting into side projects, which brought me to "mouth congress" (a queer-punk band scott thompson and paul bellini had in the early 80s that they've recently started putting out new music with again). i found a youtube channel with a bunch of recent live performance clips of the band and each video had like less than 10 views. so since i didn't have anyone to infodump about kith with irl (aside from my very patient mother lol) i started commenting on every video, complimenting the performances and pretending i was talking to a friend, confident no one would actually see it

after 2 weeks of this, turns out someone did see it. PAUL BELLINI HIMSELF. this led to a whole back-and-forth which eventually ended up with him emailing me a copy of the unreleased mouth congress documentary, i emailed back asking if he'd be interested in meeting on zoom (since i am a queer comedy writer myself so both he and scott are my biggest comedy inspirations), and yeah bellini is a delightful person to talk to and we very quickly became friends. i ended up offering to run mouth congress's social media, which can be found on both tumblr and instagram as @mouthcongress and posts both vintage videos from the 80s/90s and recent live clips. they're currently working on an album of entirely new material written in the past 2 years which is going to be released soon (we don't have a specific release date but the recording is completed and they've started filming music videos for it!! but i'm getting ahead of myself lmao)

a few months pass and mouth congress is set to perform at a new year's eve show at a local club in toronto. i'd never been to toronto before, never even left the united states, but paul says it would be so great to have me there and by some miracle my parents say yes to making the trip (they still can't believe this is happening either, since they were kith fans first!). the trip is wonderful, i immediately fall in love with the city, i get lunch with paul irl for the first time and get to have my very first face-to-face conversation with my number one comedy inspiration scott thompson. it's honestly a little awkward but in an adorable funny way. i also have my first legal drink at that show (bc canadian drinking age is lower than the us), specifically saying i want to have my first drink with buddy cole, which both scott and paul are very into

it's actually only a couple weeks until i'm in toronto again, because scott is debuting a new buddy cole show consisting of monologues that were all censored by amazon that he pitched during the revival season. this is my first time traveling a long distance without my family which my mom is anxious about so paul bellini lets me have him as my emergency contact. the show is amazing, i get to stay for the afterparty, and while i'm there i casually mention that i'm surprised no one has made a buddy cole documentary yet. like, this character has such a rich history even beyond the kids in the hall (which i can infodump about all day lmao) and is such an important staple of queer comedy that doesn't get the attention he deserves. the kith documentary is great, but where's my buddy cole documentary? paul accepts my pitch (that i didn't even realize i was pitching), passes along the idea to scott, and yeah now i'm legit directing a film with my number one comedy heroes and i haven't even graduated college yet. what the fuck. i expected this to be the type of thing i accomplish over 20 years into my career, not at twenty!! so yeah that's how the buddy cole documentary started. i'm still in preproduction on it but we're launching an indiegogo crowdfunding campaign for it in the next 2 weeks bc this has evolved into a full feature-length film with some incredible celebrity interviewees, both kith and otherwise.

anyway a few months later it's announced bruce mcculloch is bringing his one-man-show to the city i go to school in. not only that, but his theater is literally 2 blocks from campus. i ask paul if he'd give me bruce's contact so i can set up an interview for my school's newspaper, paul gives me bruce's assistant's email, and i set up a 30-minute zoom two weeks before bruce will be in town. the conversation honestly goes bizarrely well. like it's honestly surreal how close bruce and i got after only knowing each other for a half hour? he's such an easy person to talk to and literally by the end of that conversation he was already calling himself my mentor, asking about my comedy, and offering to let me meet him backstage after his show. which is exactly what i did, launching yet another incredible friendship-slash-mentorship with one of the kids in the hall.

bruce eventually signed on to executive produce the buddy cole documentary (alongside paul bellini), i've been up to toronto in january, april, june, august, and october this year (so essentially every 2 months, though it was slightly offset by going twice in january) and i'm planning on going up in december, every time not only do i find time to meet up with scott, paul, and bruce but they all deliberately try to reserve as much "jess time" as they can because i have a unique and powerful friendship with each of them, every time i finish a new creative project paul has to see it bc he loves how ambitious i am, i repeatedly wake up to texts scott sends me at 3am about the documentary and how excited he is to have me on tour with him to film it next year, bruce thinks it's hilarious he used to think i was "shy" bc i've gotten so comfortable going on infodumps and tangents about things i'm passionate about, and the three of them all feel like extended family. best of all, i actually have plans to graduate from college a semester early so that i can use the money (and time) i've saved to find a place in toronto and start making even more connections with the comedy community up there (also for the record: no i have not met mark, kevin, or dave yet. i know kevin is aware of my existence from bruce giving me a shoutout at a show they both did but that's about it. but i know i will interview all of them for my documentary)

so anyway that's how i got into kids in the hall. i know only the first 2 paragraphs answer your question, but at this point my love for this show has become so so intertwined with my relationships to bruce and scott and paul as humans that i don't really consider getting into kids in the hall and getting to know the kids in the hall as separate things in my life.

(also if you have any follow-up questions on anything mentioned feel free to reply or dm me, this goes for everyone else too!)

[mathsbian]

The fact you think you're gay is proof you have no idea what being gay is. Actual gays don't worry about not being perceived as gay while proudly together with their partner bc they're too worried about actual homophobia. Stick to your fucking lane

This is about the comment I made on that comic strip that was wishing oppression on straight people, isn’t it? From like 6 months ago?

Now that were on the same page: I don’t care about being perceived as gay. I care about assholes preaching that we should accept people for who they are (gay or straight or something else entirely) and to not judge people based on stereotypes, meanwhile they’re stereotyping every straight-passing couple as DEFINITELY straight. I don’t give a single fuck if an actual bigot can tell if I’m gay or not. Most of them can’t. What I care about is people who are supposed to be in community together, changing things for the better, are actually just trying to flip the script so they can be the oppressing class. I hate it when TERFs/radfems do it to men, I hate it when cis gays do it to mspec people and trans gays. We aren’t trying to flip oppression, we’re trying to fucking end it.

And on the subject of me clearly not being gay actually, because you think I care about the wrong thing: you literally don’t know me. You know my tumblr account. Just ‘cause I didn’t post pictures of me with my girlfriends doesn’t mean they didn’t exist. Just because I make a big post about something doesn’t mean that thing is the most important thing to me. I’m fucking autistic, I ramble about stuff when I have any level of knowledge or opinion. I could watch one 10-minute YouTube video on a topic and ramble about it when the topic comes up again 3 years later. Just cause I added a sizable paragraph calling out what was basically the equivalent of “I better not see and straight couples at pride” imo doesn’t mean that’s the only thing I care about in regards to my identity. As an arospec, acespec, nonbinary, multi-gender-attracted person I’ve dealt with a lot of shit from cis allo gays and I’m not afraid to point it out. You think I don’t know what homophobia actually looks like, meanwhile you’re over here actually being homophobic. Or biphobic. Or something. Tastes like homophobia the way you said it though.

And I could go on a giant tangent about my romantic and sexual history. I could tell you about the 7 year struggle between my first gay crush to actually identifying as lesbian. The ways my sexuality got complicated by internalized homophobia and sexphobia. The ways it got muddied by first a partner’s gender and then my own. The summer during college that my first ever girlfriend spent terrified my parents would find out about us and send me to a conversion camp despite me being an adult (they are very conservative, very fundamentalist Christian, very politically homophobic, very socially homophobic, and very, VERY manipulative, so my then-girlfriend was correct to be concerned they could get me to go if they discovered us and reacted badly enough). But you don’t actually care. You feel comfortable attacking me because I’m a faceless stranger on the internet so it’s easy for you to forget that I’m a real person with just as many hopes and dreams and fears and memories as you. Since I don’t openly discuss my personal life in great detail, you can pretend that I must never have experienced truly malicious homophobia, because there’s no evidence of that on my blog before now. Just because I can identify more subtle bigotry doesn’t mean I haven’t experienced the worst bigotry has to offer.

[momiamtired]

i tremble and panic when remembering what my life will be. im scared and lonely and i dont want anything else, just to see my family and home. for some reason i feel like in mt first days here, and even then it wasnt that bad. im afraid of the idea that i have to get used to this. i don t find living in the apartments and going to work that scary but still just understanding of how life plays with me makes me feel misserable. oh how i wish i never looked up this university in google, when i was lying in my warm bed at the winter, excited, because i found western university that will bring me to my dreams and actually is afordable for my family. i feel so stupid and im so sorry dad i am you spend so much money on me and im not even grateful. this fucker oh fuck he asks if 2 pm is okay for me. i dont think any pm is okay for me. i think tomorrow will be horrible. i dont think he thinks of me in a romantic way, he has some chicks name in his user name sticker. i fucking hate him. but i wish he could comfort me. he probably doesnt care in the slightest ab me. for some reason i kinda feel like omori? is this a strange reference idk. well omori song just started playing so i thought of it. i feel like i dont really should be in this world. i want to come back to what it used to be. i guess a lot of people think about the same things but uh yeah. i guess tomorrows gonna be awful. i really dont want to see him espercially this early but i have to get out of the house, it will fucking eat me alive. i must have studied a lot today but ima lazy ass and cryed all day. i hate that the idea of crying is so normalized today. its like oooh i cried because of this dead pigeon!! wtf no i believe tears are not for this. people cry when they experience strong emotions. my other roommate is singing songs in the shower god i hate her. its 9 pm btw. she screams like a pig. sometimes she is nice and i truly believe she is a nice person. i still hate her and would like to see her dead. but no right now. im not that angry right now. when i think of my mom i start to cry. i miss her so much. it was always like this when i was a kid, i would always cry when i was at sleepovers. i dont know why, its a strange feeling. it is reallt strange. when im okay i dont even want to talk to her, its like i dont have a lot of stimuli to do so? but when i feel bad the only oerson i want to call is her. i guess shes the only one who i believe would reallt care. not even my best friend who i would always call the best person in my life. im just a bad person. when she tells me that something happened to her im always kinda happy it happened. its not always like this but sometimes i feel like oh lol ye u deserved it bc there is enough good in ur life. im just an awful always jelous person. i guess world would be a better place without people like me. people like me are the people who shoot schools. i would be happier if it uh fuck again its like when u remembering something like just spontaneus and u immediately start to cry and tremble and like idk feel bad? i feel so so so homesick. i didnt feel that homesick at the start and here i am after 3 months here. i really love my parents and actually my home i am so sorry that i never told anyone this or idk oh god im so so sorry i never respected never understood. i guess its just that im homesick and my home isnt that good but tbh i cant of a thing better rn than my home. fuck any other place. fuck heaven. i just wish i could my cat and my mom sitting and talking loud at 7 am when the sun is rising with her mom and she will make me awake and i will go and ask her to be quiet really angryshly and she will go to her room and i will try to sleep again but now i cant so i smoke my vape and browse through tiktok, lying in underwear and some t shirt, then my cat will come to me and start meowing for me to play with him, i will annoignly play alittle bit with him and then proceed to do my every day morning chores. but summer in my country when u have friends is amazing. i mean my city. okay i will end now to mush words

[mouldy-oranges]

the entire summer of 2021 is totally lost to me. i was inside for all of it in my locked depression room and the only thing i would eat is these prepackaged little fruit salad things in a plastic box and ramen, and i would scroll all fucking day and bodycheck. i had no friends, and the only hobby i kept up was some intermittent drawing. i swear i became my disorder; the only parts of me left was my depression and bdd. i would bin my dinners and sometimes the fruit salads, but i could only do it at night when my parents weren't awake, so my room would often smell of the sickly sweet smell of rotting fruit.

the only memories i can recollect were the following:

my dad on the other side of my locked door, asking what was wrong. he sounded teary.

explaining veganism to a young girl (family friend) on an occasion i was taken out to this beach town to see the arcade and the rides, and i had to eat this veggie burger. i was discreetly converting the burger into crumbs and sneaking them into the bin.

had nothing but broccoli on my birthday

eating 500cals of biscoff biscuits while reading truly uniquely strange and unintentionally borderline abusive fanfiction at my grannys one day on a week long birthday visit (mine). i would only eat yellow watermelon, broccoli, biscoff biscuits, and monster energy zero on that trip.

my granny hugged me and she says, "take care of yourself" and i felt my stomach fat pressing against her stomach

going to the playground (coerced) with a girl i knew from school and going to pharmacy after to buy my 1st laxatives as i hadnt shit in two weeks 💀

august was the worst month bc i dont think i binged at all that month and i had horrid brainfog.

coerced into going to family friends barbecue and the father says "youve lost a lot of weight since i last saw you" and then i fucking binged on like a coconut vegan curry the mother made specially for me... fat fuck

i was fucking obsessed with food recipe videos (i did not cook a single recipe) i would stare at them rapt and fantasise about the flavour. it fucking worked too it really helped restrict

i remember watching spirited away and binging on some sweets. it was the start of my pseudo-recovery

[puesiria]

a mokka coffee pot is like a dog you train carefully and consciously . those motherfuckers will take months even YEARS to start living up to the expectations you put into them but once they do... they're loyal and amazing and respond to your every wish and NOBODY else can tame them. best thing to have in your kitchen forreal it'll be hard at first but it'll be worth it...

[jonnnysuh]

Never Not - Park Jinyoung

Pairing: idol!Jinyoung x gender neutral reader

Summary: Your bad day is turned around when your childhood best friend, Jinyoung, returns to your hometown and takes you on a tour of your favourite memories together.

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to lovers

Warnings: suggested sexual experience

Word Count: 4.3k

Requested by: Anon

A/N: Hi guysssss. I took a small break from tumblr bc I got super busy with work. I haven’t written something like this in a while, but I actually loved how it turned out. I recommend listening to Never Not by Lauv to get into the mood <33

Effort was hard to make these days. Even the way you walked had an unmistakable slouch. Your exhaustive strides were just a shallow reminder that there used to be a hop in your step. Five more minutes and you were free from the shackles of work. Free to figure out what to make for dinner, and appease the gurgles of your stomach.The seconds on the point of sale system didn't seem to move fast enough as you folded the customer's final item and shoved it into a bag.

When you were a kid, no one told you how exhausting being an adult was, and thus it became something to look forward to. You were so caught up on getting that first kiss, sneaking out to go to parties, seeing people that your parents didn't approve of, that you didn't realize that life didn't slow down from there. It was like you blinked, and you were no longer 16. Instead, you were twenty-something perpetually feeling like life was just an endless pit of "what ifs" and building up the courage to make something of yourself. Another mindless "Have a good day." escaped your lips as you bid a customer bye for the nth time that day. You wondered how many of your years would waste away telling others to have a good day, when you yourself hadn't had one in a while.

You pressed your fingers against your temple to sooth a small growing headache. Working in retail for as long as you had, you knew that the s-curved line of people didn't stop for your discomfort. With a fake smile on your face, you welcomed the next few customers as your eyes wandered around the store looking for the person who was going to take over for the next hour. Fifteen minutes past the hour, your replacement finally came. Externally, you wanted to scream and ask them what took you so long? but you knew that would only make you as good as the worst customer. Graciously, you nodded at them, before walking away to the back room to fetch your things and head out.

...

You stood against the wall at the bus shelter shivering from the cool summer breeze that was disguising just how rapidly autumn was truly coming. Today probably wasn't the best day to forget your coat.  You rubbed your arms for warmth, taking micro footsteps in place.  The pain in your feet made you romanticize the comfort of the sturdy old bus seats as a place of rest. You felt your phone in your pocket vibrate, but you let it ring out. You were determined to get a seat on this bus. A deep sigh escaped you as you surveyed the density of the crowd on the platform- the ride home was definitely going to be longer than usual. When the bus arrived, you queued behind a long line of people. Your phone rang a second time, at this point the crowd was getting larger and you knew you weren't going to get a seat on this bus.

PRIVATE CALLER 

"Hello?" you pressed your phone to your ear. Sometimes your mother used phone booths to reach you, so you expected her voice to be on the other end of the line. "I'm offended I had to call you twice for you to pick up."  The voice was much deeper, and the delivery much more lighthearted than anything that would've came out of your mother.  The absence of a greeting was distinct and direct, but no matter, you knew exactly who this was.

You felt the tenseness of your shoulders drop with just the sound of this voice. "If I had definitely known it was you, I wouldn't have picked up, Mr. Private caller." you jest with the phone  pressed between your ear and the crook of your shoulder.

"You know, I was gonna suggest that I pick you up, but just for that comment, I change my mind."

You poke your tongue at your cheek, coyly. For all the changes that occurred in your life, for some reason you could depend on Jinyoung's quick wit and humour to hit the spot even after all this time.

"That's fine, I just finished work so I was thinking of just going home anyways."  You had no idea he was even back in South Korea. Last you heard, he was on tour somewhere in North America. More than that, you couldn't even remember when the last time you actually talked was. You were curious about what he was up to these days, but you you knew any hint of urgency in your voice would lead to incessant teasing on his part. The line progressed slightly, but you still didn't feel any closer to the entrance of the bus.

  "I'm about to get on a bus home." 

"Well, don't get on." 

"If I don't get on then you're gonna have to repay me for the fare I paid to even get here." You eyed the bus reaching its capacity, and stepped aside. You twisted your fingers in hope that he was being 100% serious, otherwise you were going to have to wait out for the 6:30pm bus.

"I can't believe the cost of your attention is only $2. Do better." the voice quipped. 

"Okay, Jinyoung I guess I'll just get on, then." you threatened, although you had no intention of boarding the departing bus.

"Fine, fine. I'll pay for your fare. Just wait for me."

...

The sky had darkened tenfold since you hung up from Jinyoung's impromptu call. The streetlights glowed gold against the lavender backdrop of the sky. You sat on the bus shelter bench, swinging your feet back and forth as you waited for him. If he took even a minute longer, you vowed to somehow become the president of the Park Jinyoung hate club. Of course, you wouldn't actually, but the idea became more appealing the longer you waited. 

You weren't one to go on spontaneous outings- at least not since your teenage years. Recently, you followed the strict routine of work, home, sleep, and to stray from it seemed pointless. But the fact that he even thought of you when he came back home to South Korea was still not something you could wrap your head around.

In the distance, a glow of headlights appeared, stopping perfectly adjacent to your bus stop. The window rolled down, and there appeared Jinyoung's face in all its glory. To say all the words in your vocabulary disappeared would be an understatement. A part of you doubted he would even follow through. Without missing a beat, he returned a look to you. "You just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna get in the car?"

...

Your backpack was sitting atop your lap, bouncing with the movement of the car. Jinyoung hung one hand over the steering wheel. The orange and purple of the sky twisting, and creating a brand new colour that only seemed to grace the skies at this hour. The music was unidentifiable, but the volume was low enough that you didn't even bother trying to figure it out.

"So what'd you do today?" he asked. 

"I worked, I told you that." you replied, matter-of-factly.

"And how was it?"

"I honestly can't tell the difference between this week and last week. Or even last month. Same old, same old. Annoying customers, stale lunch, forgot my jacket at home even though it's 15 fucking degrees outside." 

"Do you still work at that clothing store you started at when we were 20?"

  Your eyes shifted, following the ever-changing scenery of the highway. No idea where he was bringing you, and yet you were brought to comfort by Jinyoung's habits.  You knew he didn't have a drug deal, or a random party planned.  Jinyoung was always the type to be home before midnight. He was a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoes, but you weren't completely fooled. You knew he could bend the rules if it seemed to serve him.

  "That exact same one."

 "Anything else?"

  You looked at him, the shock settling in that he was really right next to you-- no longer just a figure on a billboard that you used to know. The changes of his physicality were subtle; his face was more defined, but his cheeks still carried the baby fat that had been there since childhood. The shadow of his facial hair loomed on his smooth skin. The mole on the top of his lip, not necessarily gone, but faded. He looked older, but the aura of his presence remained the same.

"And then I was dumb enough to get into a car with a stranger because he said he'd give me $2."

Jinyoung side eyed you, causing you to erupt in laughter. His glare was also unchanging. "Stranger? Your memory's fading already?" He shook his head disappointedly. "I thought you still had a few good years left."

  "Oh yeahhhhhh. Sorry Jinyoungie. Didn't recognize you with all the fame." you pinched and pulled on his ear- both things a relic of your grade school years. When you were kids, you never let him forget the age gap. Granted, it was only 3 days, but that gave you the freedom to refer to him however you pleased, while he was stuck with the honorifics.

As you let go, the curve of his ear flushed red. "OWW.” he cried, swatting your hand away. “You’re lucky I’m driving otherwise I would pull your hair.”

Being raised with Jinyoung meant that you were inseparable but kind of in the worst way. If Jinyoung got  a good mark on a test, his parents would immediately flaunt it to yours. If you wanted to sneak out, he was on your tail telling you to go back home. And if he knew you liked someone, then that person would know soon enough by the words of Jinyoung. All of that warranted ear pulling, and if you did something in retaliation he would pull your hair.

He was one of the few people in your life, who encapsulated a certain time of your life.  The time in your life when you were young, and the world felt so big and everything was possible.

  The car rocked back and forth as it shifted into the elevated ramp of a parking lot. Your eyes widened as you realized where you were.  He lingered in his seat before popping his seatbelt off and exiting the car. You followed him, swinging the passenger door open.

  "So you randomly called me because you wanted to hang out at the...convenience store?" you gestured to the old, orangey building. The bricks were chipped, and the fluorescent lights illuminated the outside through the big glass window.  You remember the days when you and Jinyoung would sit on the parking blocks and split a bag of chips until you were chased off the property by the owner. He pulled on the store door, pressing his back to it and letting you enter first. 

"Well, I wasn't going to come here until you started yanking my ears. That's when I knew you were hungry."

Without stopping, you weaved through the store until you reached aisle 3- the snack aisle had become a home to you and Jinyoung when you were growing up. In grade school, you were both fearful of what was beyond the boundaries of your home and school so you indulged in after school snacks at the convenience to talk about the latest happenings in your life. As you aged, it became the place of solace after exams, or the meetup location for last minute plans.

  He picked up a package of gummy worms, and shook them in your face. "Do you remember what happened the last time we ate theseeee?" Jinyoung smirked. For a moment, you were taken aback by how much he had grown. In your teens, you and Jinyoung met eye to eye. Now, you felt like you had to look up at him in order to be taken seriously.

  You crossed your arms, "Yeah, we ate them in the parking lot and you made me confess who I had a crush on." 

"Chan, right?" 

You nodded, with a sulk as you reminisced. "That wasn't fair."

 "Why? Do you still have a crush on him?" 

"I haven't thought about him in so long. You really think I'd have a lingering crush on a guy I haven't seen in years?"

Jinyoung shrugged, and shifted his feet. "You had a huge crush on him, though. You even stared at him like this." He rested his palm to his cheek, letting out a deep sigh while trying to maintain an enamoured expression. You snorted, hitting him on the chest. "You'd write his name all over your notebooks AND you bullied me into giving you one of my new ones." he added.

You let out a belly laugh. "And then I wrote his name all over that one too."

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. "They were premium quality notebooks. My aunt sent me them from the states!"

 "You had a kabillion of them. Besides, you pestered me for-like-ever to know who I liked, but you never even told me who you had a crush on." You grabbed the bag of gummy worms from his hand and placed it in your shopping basket. Your attention shifted, as you realized you should be in search of your favourite chocolates. You knew that you were far too old to be eating junk food for dinner, but there was something familiar about being hyped up on food that you knew would rot your insides. Your eyes landed on the top row of the wall, and before you could grab your favourite chocolates, Jinyoung stripped it from the wall and dropped it into the basket. He piled on a bag of sour cream and onion chips, and then you both ventured to the drink refrigerators.

  Both of you stared deeply at your drink options. On each level of the fridge, stood several different colourful drinks. If you knew Jinyoung, then you knew he would pick a Coke- it was something he swore by in your younger years. You hummed, mentally deciding between an iced tea or a vitamin water.  You weren't sure why it bothered you when Jinyoung picked up a Sprite, but you tried to hide your dismay. With an ice tea in hand, and a basket full of both of your favourite things, you made your way to the cashier.

  At the last moment, Jinyoung placed a bright yellow umbrella on the checkout counter. He looked down at you, surely, “You never know when it’s gonna rain.”

...

The following car ride to your next destination only lasted about 3 minutes before he parked on the side of the road and dragged you down the street, with the plastic bag full of your foods in hand. 

"I should've known you were going to bring me here." you said, strolling down the familiar gravel pathway towards your elementary school. All colour in the sky had disappeared now, finding it hard to see anything but the outline of each other and some features.

  Both of you settled on the grass field, onlooking the tall school building that was the foundation of your formal years. As soon as you opened the bag of chips, you found yourselves deep in conversation, talking about what life had been for him the last few years. You couldn't help but be in awe when he explained the rush he got when he got on stage, and how he got anxiety when he thought he wasn’t doing his best.  The candidacy of his thoughts drew you in and you were surprised that he trusted you with his secrets. 

All these years, you had always wondered what he was up to, if he was living a life far better than the one he left at home.  To everyone else, he was this huge pop star that had travelled the world 3 times over, but to you, he was your best friend who left home at 16. You had seen him through the bad hair phases, the adolescent temper tantrums, the voice cracks, and the questionable fashion choices both your parents had put you in.

  He leaned back on his arms as he gazed at the school. "Are you afraid of change?" You were silent for a moment as you thought. "On a scale of 1-10?" you rocked your head back and forth. "It's a 15."

Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. You held your legs to your chest, and looked at him. "Why?"

He opened his mouth, but quickly closed it and looked smugly in the other direction. "Heyyy." you poked him repeatedly. "You can't just ask me that and not tell me why."

He enclosed his hand around your finger, forcing your poking to come to a halt. It felt like he was studying your face. Never in your life had you ever felt like you were under the scope of Jinyoung's gaze. The darkness of the sky acted as a mask, hiding your blushing face.

"It was the last thing I asked you before I left." he admitted. "I asked you that when things were about to change big time for us… I always wondered if you resented me for leaving you behind."

  The last day before Jinyoung left to become a full-time trainee, you two snuck on to this very same field. Both of you ran across the grass, picking up dandelions; believing that if you gathered enough and blew on them, that they would fuel your wishes.

  “You thought I could resent you?” He nodded. “Well, for starters, I hate your guts.” You replied sarcastically, causing him to look at the ground with embarrassment and your face softened at the sight of it.

  “You know what I wished for on all of those dandelions, Jinyoung?”

 “Not to fail the math exam.” Even in a soft moment, he couldn’t help but be sly. “No!” You exclaimed. 

“Well, you should’ve. You got a 48.” He sensed your killer look on him. “So what’d you wish for?”

You played with your fingers. You thought you’d take this secret to the grave. “I wished that you’d be successful in whatever you chose to do.” His eyes enlarged, alarmed at your confession. “but maybe I should’ve wished for the math thing.”

  Jinyoung giggled, inching closer to you so your legs were pressed against each other. 

“What did you wish for?” You asked. He smiled with the side of his mouth, shaking his head. 

“I wished that I’d always find my way back home.” “Oh goddd.” You gagged. “you’re so corny.”

 “What about you, huh? You used your wish on me!” he bellowed, his voice echoing against the school playground. 

“Hey, I might just be the reason why you’re famous.” You fought back.

You flipped your phone over, 7:53, the brightness of it only barely illuminating the dark. You thought about what you would be doing at this moment if you weren’t here, if he hadn’t picked you up.  Mmm probably falling asleep to a tv show. Probably dreading tomorrow. Probably not as happy.

"But what did I say? You know… the first time you asked me that question?” You couldn’t even begin to imagine how 16-year-old you answered.

  "You said you were excited to see who we were going to become.” The words of your younger self were so hopeful, yet your current self felt hopeless. Your expression sank, and Jinyoung offered a small smile to revive it. He felt guilty having asked you the question in the first place.

You sat in silence for a bit, dwelling on the excitement for life that you once had. Where was it? And how could you get it back?

“I feel like I’ve let myself down. I don’t even know who I am now.”

Jinyoung blinked slowly, watching his childhood best friend crumble. He rested a hand on your shoulder.  "I just look at you, and in so many ways you're the same. I still know what makes you laugh, and the way you say things. I can still pick out your favourite snacks, and know you’re gonna pull my ears when I do something to piss you off.” he yanked on yours softly. "Everything about you feels just how I left you. I feel my youth when I'm with you. But at the same time I’m comforted by how much you’ve changed.”

“I don’t think I’ve changed much.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” You shook your head no. “Do you remember how scared you were to even leave the house when we were kids? Now you live on your own. You never took anything seriously back then, but you’re now one of the hardest working people I know…” his voice softened. “And you let yourself be vulnerable with me when it used to take hours to drag it out of you.” You laid on his shoulder, and he rested his head on top of yours, snuggling closer. “You fear change, yet you’re changing right before your own eyes. And maybe one day, I’ll come back here, and I won’t even be able to recognize who you’ve become.” You sniffled, the idea of Jinyoung not remembering you broke your heart. You held your chest. “But if that day does come, it’ll be okay. Because I know that the person that you’ve become will have it all figured out.  I’ll always be rooting for every single version of yourself even if it doesn’t include me.” You sobbed quietly, interlocking your fingers with his. He held your hand tightly, rubbing his thumb against the back of your hand. For once, there was an action not done out of habit or relic. It was an action evoked just for this moment, and it was a change that you didn’t mind.

…

Jinyoung held your hand, leading you down a narrow road a few minutes away. The sound of crickets, barking dogs, and distant vehicles could be heard as you stood in the middle of the road of your childhood neighbourhood.

  You hadn’t been here since you moved in 2016. You looked up at the large modern house that sat on what used to be two lots. Yours and Jinyoung’s childhood homes were purchased by a wealthy business man and demolished to build the business man’s dream home. You stared at the foreign house that sat on the place of your childhood dreams and frustrations.

  Jinyoung placed his hands on your shoulders and stopped you at the exact halfway point between what was once his house and your house. You rubbed your arms as a gust of wind rushed by. Without thinking, Jinyoung slipped off his hoodie and placed it on top of your shoulders.

“I remember racing you down this street.” You piped up, pointing down the end of the road. Jinyoung always won that race. No one was faster than him on this street.

“I remember finding that stray puppy and fighting over who got to keep it.” He responded.

“It should’ve been me.” You bickered. Jinyoung laughed, amused at how you were always one to hold a grudge.

“Do you remember that day when it started raining soooo hard and we had to walk shoulder to shoulder under my umbrella?”

You nodded. “Ya, that was the same day with the gummy worms, you dummy.”

“So do you remember what happened right here?” He pointed at the exact spot you were standing. You racked your head for a memory, but nothing stood out to you clearly. You shook your head no. “We always said bye to one another here...but…?” you trailed off.

He took a step forward, both of you standing directly under the streetlight now. You watched his face light up as he likely played the moment back in his head. “So that day, standing under my umbrella, we were about to go our separate ways. You turned into me.”

He took another step closer, popping open the bright yellow convenience store umbrella and holding it over your heads.

You could see it now. It was drizzling so hard, even your hair wasn’t protected from getting soaked.   You wrapped your hands around the handle, just like how you did back then. Chest to chest, huddled under the umbrella. Jinyoung locked eyes with you, your heart beat faster.

“And you looked at me, and I swear I was going to say everything I wanted to tell you right then and there.” Your mouth opened in shock. “This was the place where I almost told you I loved you.”

You studied the eyes of the boy you watched grow up. He looked scared, but sure. There was no doubt in your mind that Jinyoung meant what he said. He lowered the umbrella, not letting his gaze veer from you.

  Your life was just a build up of what if’s and trying to gain the courage to make something of yourself… but you didn’t want that anymore. With your heart beating out of control, you leaned into him, taking the risk and kissing his lips. He wrapped his arms around your waist, deepening the heat of the kiss.

A round of thunder boomed above you, and little by little, raindrops began to pour from the sky.

You and Jinyoung separated to look up at the sky. “I did say, you never know when it’s gonna rain.”

You both ran for the car, shoulder to shoulder, under the umbrella. From your heads to your toes, you were soaked in the rain, but neither of you cared. You silently thanked the world for every bad thing that happened to you today that led to this.

…

You blinked your eyes awake, surveying the damp clothes strewn across your living room floor, and the heat of the bare body laying next to you on the couch. You stared at your sleepy childhood best friend, a smile spreading across your lips. This was a change you were ready for. 

[locktobre]

bcbd thoughts

right away I see that this is only an hour long, so... it’s not a movie, then. it’s a one hour special, again. I feel like I’m already gonna miss the extra 20 minutes just like dolphin magic but we’ll see I guess. maybe it’ll be a mercy that it’s shorter.

the opening credits/dream sequence was nice. the animation on the city is decent, and the monochrome thing was kind of cool.

her being on stage reminded me a little of Eden, and then immediately I missed Eden so much. they would never let a version of Babs be a bitch now and that’s such a shame.

so now we’re joking about George tracking Barbie’s cell phone? bc that’s fine and not at all an invasion of privacy or anything. also, you can check flight statuses on the internet so that’s really not necessary. also, why the fuck didn’t Barbie call them once she got off the plane? or at least text? I always text or call my mom when I land, and frankly I’m not even as close to my mom as Barbie claims to be to her parents. and I did that when I was 17 traveling alone, too, so it’s not just something I do as an adult. it’s part of the responsibility of traveling to let ppl know that you got somewhere safe so they don’t worry about you. what the fuck Babs.

was that honking supposed to be like censoring the cabbie swearing bc I would love that. let the cabbie say fuck.

I still maintain that this “summer program” thing is bullshit and Babs should have been going off to college. I know they won’t let her grow up but it makes more sense than this does. also, you’re telling me there’s no summer programs for acting/whatever in LA? seriously? she HAD to go across the country for this? and her parents let her? they don’t even trust her! they said that 2 seconds ago! or is tracking her cell phone the reason she’s allowed to travel across the country (to Willows and Florida and Hawaii) by herself in the first place? I hate this I hate it so much already

The Handler Arts Academy... oh I’m feeling emotions

“luck’s got nothing to do with it. you worked your tail off for this” SHOW ME FOR WHEN, PLEASE. this could have been an actual arc of the show, a goal Barbie was working towards that could thread thru multiple episodes... but no. this came out of nowhere. I’m STILL saying that Amelia bought Barbie’s place here bc FUCK YOU SHOW

“I hope I’m good enough” you’re a mediocre rich white woman, you can do literally anything you want.

why is her guitar shoved in a cardboard box and not, idk, in a guitar case? that’s stupid. also, that’s an open cardboard box, so how did that travel on the plane? a closed cardboard box, fine. should be a suitcase, but fine. but this just makes no sense and I am not going to let it slide bc I hate this continuity and everything about it.

however, I will give Brooklyn a pass for the open cardboard box bc she literally lives in NYC and didn’t have to take a fucking plane to get here. she can carry it like that if she wants.

“as long as you don’t break [my leg], we’re good” I’ve already seen Brooklyn in a cast, so... does Malibu literally break her leg later on? even on accident... jesus christ.

is this Russian(?) custodian lady gonna be the antagonist/villain? bc I’m already not vibing with that. not at fucking all.

how the FUCK could they show up a day early? why would they not show up on the day they’re supposed to? that doesn’t make any sense! and if they’re NOT supposed to be there yet, then there would be no staff there to watch them, so they should have to come back tomorrow! they shouldn’t be allowed to be by themselves in a school like this! I’m assuming this is to facilitate a day of bonding without stupid things like classes in the way, but they could have written an orientation day or something in that would have made more sense, and as I said, I am not inclined to give them a pass on anything these days. fuck you all.

so, room assignments are alphabetical... I guess that kind of explains them being in the same room, altho it does feel coincidental that they wouldn’t be, like, in neighboring rooms. also they didn’t animate little signs on the other doors, even with nonsense text if they didn’t want to put other names up, so their door really sticks out for no reason. also, shouldn’t it say “Barbie Roberts & Barbie Roberts” or some other way of having both names on the door? also, if the school knows they have the same name, couldn’t they put middle initials or something? we know Malibu is Barbie M. Roberts, and I will generously assume that Brooklyn’s middle name is something else, so that would have been fine. this really feels like the administrators don’t give a fuck, and in a supposedly prestigious school, I don’t buy that.

so, Brooklyn has been training every summer in different programs, very intensely, to get in here... and Malibu trained on the internet. what have I been saying about Malibu’s white mediocrity? hmm?

even after that (lackluster) montage, it feels way too soon for “Before Us.” I don’t believe they’re best friends who warrant a song about their friendship. I don’t believe that at all.

I like the bald fashionista being on the billboard, that’s a nice touch.

Malibu bringing up her vlog like that gives me hives. she has already stated multiple times that she does that to help ppl, not for clout, and yet. here she is. being a fake ass bitch once again.

Brooklyn and Emmie’s story is already way more interesting than this and I’m pissed that’s just backstory.

LOVE that green-haired dude. idk where you’re going with that drum but godspeed my dude.

I’m assuming that’s Emmie incognito in the back, but... what’s she doing here if she’s already famous? pulling an Erika Juno?

Dean Morrison seems cool

(is it too early to ship Brooklyn x Emmie?)

if pets are allowed in this school, I’m SHOCKED Malibu didn’t bring Taffy. truly fucking shocked.

Rafa reminds me so much of Jacques Rousseau

“the only labels we believe in are designer” so Rafa’s gay, right? Barbie’s first gay character? I can only assume

the ballet thing still doesn’t make sense to me, if their goal is to be on Broadway. ballet is an entire art and discipline in itself.

fencing makes more sense, bc stage fighting is a thing.

‘work it’ is even funnier than I imagined. Malibu you’re such a fuck up. and I can’t even cut you some slack bc earlier you said your training was “internet.” you didn’t work for this and you don’t belong here. die.

if this was PCS, Malibu would have been kicked out already. YOU WERE NOT PREPARED FOR THIS. WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING FOR MONTHS.

so, the ‘work it’ montage clearly showed the passage of time, it’s been at least a week, and... Malibu hasn’t talked to Ken at all during that time? this is the first time she’s telling him about Brooklyn?

ok, confirmed to be a week. and she hasn’t talked to Ken. of course. they are so close of course she hasn’t talked to him in a week, especially when she’s been struggling so much and would need to vent to a friend about it. of course.

so, Emmie is pulling an Erika Juno. at least she’s in disguise.

jesus christ, they’re really having Emmie be exploited by her own father??? JESUS.

ok Brooklyn x Emmie is sailing.

Brooklyn’s mom is an airline pilot, that sounds cool.

so the dresses are powered by the magic of friendship? cool. that’s stupid.

of COURSE Emmie’s dad is the board member. jesus christ I hate this dude.

okay, so she DIDN’T break her leg, it’s only a sprain. thank god. poor green-haired drum dude.

saying “epic fail” in 2021 unironically is not cool, mattel. unless I’m even more out of touch with the youth than I thought, but I’m pretty sure about that.

wait, so Brooklyn was dancing... and now she’s on crutches again? what is this montage? they fucked up here.

of all things to kick Malibu out for, they’re saying she pushed Brooklyn? why not all the fuck ups in her first week?

also, Rafa was taping that class so how do they not bring that up immediately? that’s the whole reason they were dancing over there in the first place! (so he might not have caught anything, but still, I have to assume that’s going to fix this bc that’s what these movies do.)

I really like Malibu’s leather jacket look, but she does look a little bit old I think. Brooklyn’s leggings look is nice, too.

okay, so Brooklyn suddenly believes the unnamed witness over the girl she sang ‘before us’ with? okay. I told you this friendship was a crock of shit. they don’t trust each other at all! Brooklyn should have been angry when she first fell, and it builds to thinking that she was sabotaged, but she brushed it off... and now she’s pissed. that makes no sense.

this friendship breakup song also means nothing to me bc their friendship fell apart for such a stupid reason. fate didn’t tear you apart, you tore yourselves apart by not trusting each other. stupid little children.

if Brooklyn’s ankle isn’t completely healed aka still painful, she should not be dancing on it, she could injure herself more or at least prolong the healing process.

ok, so NOW, after Malibu has already been expelled and sent back home, they remembered the video. these kids are so fucking stupid. and of COURSE the unnamed witness is Mr Miller! Emmie, you ALREADY KNOW that your dad is shady as shit and wants you to get the Spotlight Solo! HOW DID YOU NOT PUT THIS TOGETHER IN 5 SECONDS? I DID

so, Mr Miller thought Malibu was Emmie’s biggest competition for the solo? Malibu, the spectacular fuck up? not Brooklyn? or any of the background extras? I refuse to fucking believe that. I REFUSE.

how did George and Margaret just let Malibu get expelled without flying out there to fight the charge? seriously?

how is is Brooklyn singing ‘before us’ in-universe such that Malibu recognizes it? you’re breaking the conventions of musicals! I don’t get this!

I like Brooklyn’s mom being a pilot less after it’s been used to facilitate this bullshit part of the plot.

again, just “Barbie Roberts” makes no sense. where’s a middle initial to differentiate them! SOMETHING! I know they’re doing the finale together, but still, it’s STUPID.

shipping Rafa x green-haired drummer dude bc I can

where’s the Emmie doll for this movie?????? I’m so disappointed. also the other outfits, the leather jacket and leggings ones, I swear those weren’t dolls either. what the fuck

I see more fashionistas on billboards at the end! I really like that

so the custodian wasn’t a villain... then why that introduction for her? that went nowhere

is “Big City Big Dreams” supposed to be Emmie’s song? that Malibu lips-synced to on her vlog (apparently)? I can’t tell by the voice and they don’t list the voices for the songs in the credits

overall, once again it largely made no sense. idk if it would have benefitted from 20 extra minutes of screentime bc nothing really happened.

also, what the fuck happened to Mr Miller? he just keeps on exploiting his daughter? and for that matter, what happened to Emmie’s mom? bc she lived with her, and then all of the sudden her dad was in her life again and exploiting her, so... what did mom die? did he kill her? what am I supposed to think? and Emmie’s STILL stuck in that situation? girl. what the fuck

also of course they were too cowardly to confirm anything about Rafa. of course.

[chrisevansgoodgirl]

light of my life, fire of my loins. be a good baby, do what i want.

summary: requested: Andy Barber gives me such strong sugar daddy vibes I haven’t watched the show but he just looks like the kinda guy who would spoil the shit outta someone

warnings: smut everywhere. and you know, sugar daddy shit, so. also, doesn’t make a lot of sense. I have a lot more that I actually wrote, I just wasn’t sure where I was going with this. so...prompt sugar andy daddy if you want more???

word count: around 10,400

pairing: andy barber  x reader

a/n: anon! I want you to know that I started working on this as soon as you requested it! I just wanted to make sure I really got sugar daddy andy down and that it wasn’t steve rogers that I was writing. I am so sorry bc you definitely deserved this a very long time ago! if there are any typos, I apologize, I just needed to get this posted before work.

When you met Andy, you had been juggling three jobs, gaining more debt than you would probably ever be able to pull off even with a degree, fairly sucky grades caused by how much you worked, resulting in stress, anxiety, all that great shit that comes along with being someone in America that dares to want to pursue higher education.

After a few months dating Andy, you had one job that you only kept for autonomy reasons, shrinking debt, excellent grades, and truly, no stress at all. Instead of spending a night waiting tables at the restaurant near the campus, where disgusting men would flirt with you because you were on the clock and literally could not leave, you were in a tiny ass dress, covered in diamonds, drinking champagne, and trying not to be too obvious about the cum dripping down your thighs.

Obscene was often a word that you played with in your mind whenever you were with Andy. Your outfits were indecent because he loved seeing as much of your skin as he possibly could. Your behavior was shameless, you showed up, you laughed, you hung onto him the entire night with the smuggest of smiles. Your willingness, especially in public, was vulgar, the way you let him touch you in front of everyone. Salacious. Indecorous. Immoral. Debauched.

These parties that he took you to were only half of it. According to his son, Jacob, Andy hadn’t been one for socializing before the divorce. He claimed that this was something new his father picked up, something that he theorized was the consequence of loneliness. You figured that you also fell under that category. These people weren’t actually his friends and you weren’t actually his girlfriend.

Andy wanted a distraction and you were just fucked up and high-maintenance enough to be perfect for the job. Getting into the swing of things had been quite the task at the start, much to your surprise. Who didn’t want a gorgeous man to spoil them? Apparently you, if your earlier behavior was any indication.

You had started this with wanting to be as professional as possible. When you had pictured how this would look, it was you listening to him speak whenever he wanted, you would respond when prompted but it would be short, succinct, and your main concern would be maintaining your physical attractiveness. You tried to think of him as your employer, you were his employee, and that meant that there needed to be respect and boundaries. You pictured a lot of pretending. Pretending to laugh, pretending to care, pretending to enjoy his company, pretending to come.

You had also thought you were going to smart. This wasn’t some stupid Lifetime movie and you had dreams and goals and if you played your cards right, this man could put you on a sure path to reaching all you had ever hoped to accomplish. At least, that was what you were telling yourself when you’d had the mental quandary: were you a prostitute?

Thankfully, both phases of resistance had been dropped—possibly around the first time he went down on you. You were no expert, but “professional” probably barred him from fucking you in about 90% of his chosen locations. And whether you were a “prostitute”, an “escort”, a “hooker”, or whatever other demeaning word anyone could come up with, was another unimportant matter. Anyone could call you anything, at the end of the day, you had money.

It was supposed to be clean, a black and white exchange where you showed up and he paid you. At any point, you could step on the brakes, he could step on the brakes—something you had once found relief in, but was now a source of insecurity, not that you would ever tell him that. He didn’t need to know about your life, what you wanted to do after school, who your friends were, your shaky relationship with your parents, the reasons why someone like you wanted to enter this relationship.

But he asked about those things because rules seemed to either not exist to him, or they just weren’t meaningful. And you hadn’t felt pressured to answer or anything, if that was the case, you would have just lied. The fact of the matter was that eventually you told him these things because you didn’t mind him knowing about your life.

He was not supposed to be kind or smart or interesting. He was not supposed to be a good guy. Clearly, he didn’t get the memo. There should be an official organization that lets men know you can’t just be perfect and spoil someone if you look anything like Andrew Barber.

It was the middle of April in Massachusetts and that meant it was still just a little too chilly for the slinky slip Andy had picked out for you, but that was what all the champagne was for. You were buzzing and it wasn’t just that you were getting drunk. Summer was approaching and he often spoke about all of the things he wanted to do with you now that you had more free time and he gave you these looks and you could just get lost in his eyes and plans even though you knew better.

You had been doing this long enough that people had finally stopped staring. The first few times Andy brought you, they were blatant and downright rude, but it wasn’t like you could do anything about it. Despite the disproportionate wealth shared amongst this group, it wasn’t too often that someone brought along a much younger woman that they were undoubtedly paying. Most of these men were married and either brought their wives along or tales of their affairs.

The rich people here treated this like an elite group, so when people like you were around, not everyone was welcoming. The other few women that had similar situations to yours were kind enough and tried to get to know you better—shared experiences create great friendships, right? Andy didn’t think so, he discouraged any type of communication and claimed that it was because they didn’t tend to stick around long. You theorized he just didn’t want you spending time with anyone that wasn’t him.

The woman across from Andy, Francesca, had been around for as long as you could remember. She had long, dark brown hair, flawless eyebrows, a great jawline, and an even greater ass. She was a few years older than him and several older than you.

You often pondered just how much more interesting than you she was. See, she had never hidden that she was attracted to him, but Andy seemed oblivious. You couldn’t tell if he actually was or was just pretending not to notice. You told yourself it was deeper than just the age, that there was another, much different reason that he wasn’t interested in her.

But, of course, you couldn’t ask. You couldn’t talk to him about other women because that was teetering on the edge of possessiveness and jealousy. Those were two of the few luxuries that you would be denied. Romance would not be found here, just a lot of mutual lust and understanding.

She laughed at something he said, pulling you back into the moment. As you sipped on your champagne, you returned to your favorite activity at these parties: people watching. You were starting to pick up on some of the drama and whatever blanks were left at the end of the nights, Andy usually filled them for you.

There were certain types of men that always bred the most scandalous scenarios. Those are the same few men that had only just recently stopped trying to buy you away from Andy by offering you more money than he was paying you. Yes, technically, that was what you were here for, but Andy was not like these men.

For starters, most everyone in attendance was a lawyer. They followed the model of: the worse the job was, the better the pay. Unlike them, Andy didn’t represent sleazy, rich rapists or murderers. That was just the start of the differences. He didn’t get so drunk that he caused a scene at these parties, he didn’t touch drugs, and he wasn’t going through some tragic midlife crisis that he was trying to placate with cars or women.

When you looked back at the pair, Andy was texting and Francesca was eyeing your hand around the glass were sipping from. She was looking at your rings—oh, your rings. You loved your rings.

Originally, you’d thought you weren’t going to ask for or accept anything stupid. You just needed your bills paid, your rent, your car. You wanted to be able to eat more than once a day. Andy quickly realized that you wouldn’t ask, if he wanted you to have something, he was just going to have to give it to you.

(On your very first date, he’d given you a diamond bracelet. You had been stunned, maybe even a little uncomfortable. It was hard to accept such expensive items from strangers. However, you did like it and wore it almost every day even though it made no sense with most of your outfits. You’d simply grown fond of it because it had come from him.)

(On the fourth date, he gave you a three-strand diamond necklace that strongly resembled a collar. You adored it, not the way you adored your rings, but it still gave you butterflies whenever he would clasp it around your neck and then kiss the skin directly under it. These were things that he’d called gifts, but you recognized them for what they actually were, signs of ownership.)

The first ring had been a reward. You’d made it through midterms, so he took you to the jewelry shop that’s on the way back to your apartment from his house. After three hours and a lot of wine—you’d needed to be drunk the first few times you knew he was spending money on you—you left with the tiara ring for your pinky finger. It was a loud piece of intricate curls on top of and underneath a row of tiny hearts. This ring was the most special, the first, you rarely ever took it off—only for school.

The second had been an apology. He’d convinced you to spend the night at his house even though he knew you really didn’t want to. He had kissed your neck and your face and had two of his fingers inside you, he had whispered all the things he still wanted to do to you that night. Around two in the morning, you’d gone to get water from the kitchen. You were in a pair of panties and one of Andy’s shirts that you didn’t bother to button up. That was how you were dressed when you met his son for the first time. Two days later, you had the butterfly ring in its spot at the base of your index finger. It was gaudy and expensive but did little to quell your anger and humiliation. You loved it, nonetheless.

The third had been an anniversary present. This relationship had reached its 100-day mark, he took you to his favorite restaurant, the same one he had taken you to for your first date. Which wasn’t romantic at all, there were a lot of terms being discussed. This time had been much different. He asked you for your hand and slipped the ring onto your third finger without a word, he merely eyed the only empty finger with the unstated promise that that finger would soon have one as well. It was this huge oval cut diamond that covered the width of your finger, atop two bands of smaller but still fairly large identically cut diamonds.

A little less than three weeks after that, it had been…well, you still weren’t quite sure what the fourth ring was. It wasn’t often that Andy didn’t drive you. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, you had only one class so he would drop you off and pick you up during his lunch break so you could get coffee together. On Wednesdays and Fridays, you had more than one class so he would drop you off and he would pick you up when he got off work.

One Wednesday morning, your first class had been canceled so you ended up driving yourself. Andy took Wednesdays and Fridays as his early days off because he didn’t want you waiting in the library too long after your final class let out, so those had become the simple nights when he would come over to your apartment even though he really didn’t like it there—you figured he was struggling with the urge to buy you a much bigger apartment, one that would probably coincidentally be closer to his house as well.

You had made the plan to cook dinner that night so before heading home, you drove to the grocery store… Fortunately, no one was hurt. Unfortunately, at your place just in front of the stoplight, a car in the turn lane drove right into your car. Honestly, it wasn’t a big deal considering your life of absolute privilege and you just wanted to get the whole thing over with.

Andy wasn’t quite as level-headed. The other driver was a middle-aged man so Andy felt no reluctance in throwing a fit. You had been torn between being humiliated that he was fussing so much over you, flattered that he cared, angry that he was treating you like you were a fragile vase, or maybe just a little turned on because he was so angry.

That night, instead of your place, he took you to his house and spoiled the hell out of you. He undressed you and kissed you everywhere, he bundled you up in one of his sweaters and a throw blanket, sat you down on the bed, and made you hot chocolate. You were not allowed to lift a single finger. That was the first night you spent at his house, and since Jacob wasn’t there, Andy didn’t hesitate to fuck you for hours and make you scream as loudly as he wanted you to.

The next morning, when you woke up, the black velvet box was set on the pillow between you and him. He was propped up on the headboard with his laptop and the clock on his bedside table was saying that it was well past noon. Clearly, he decided to stay home from work and if there wasn’t jewelry in front of you, you would have given him a lecture.

It was a princess cut diamond—which he would later explain with ‘you are my princess’—with a double halo and a diamond-encrusted band. It was smaller than all the rest but somehow just went perfectly.

You weren’t bragging, at least not in a petty way. It was just that any time you noticed someone staring at your hand, you couldn’t help but try to draw more attention to it, or the other jewelry Andy showered you in.

You supposed that maybe that meant something, maybe during your little back and forth a few hours prior when he had accused you of being spoiled, he was onto something. Regardless, the only person who could be blamed for that was him.

You almost got lost in the diamonds on your hand when Andy reached out to you, pulling some hair over your shoulder. You looked up at him, he was smiling softly. “I’m sorry, did you say something?”

“Are you ready to go?”

He really didn’t like these parties; he was always the one that wanted to leave and would slyly place the blame on you. You were tired, you weren’t feeling well, you had a tough week and you just wanted to go home. You never minded because it wasn’t as if you got anything out of these parties either, and if that was the easiest way to pull him out of there, so be it. It was Sunday anyway, he had to work tomorrow and you had to go over your weekly schedule with him before the night was over.

“Sure.”

It started as a quiet drive, just like it always did, but then he placed his hand on your thigh. You glanced at him, arching an eyebrow. He simply smirked and kept his gaze on the road. You opened your legs wide, guiding two of his fingers inside you. “Can you feel your cum in me?”

“Not enough.”

“You’re the one that made me stand for almost an hour.”

“I’ll fill you up again before you go to class tomorrow.”

You snorted. “Lucky me.”

He shot you a look. “Oh, you don’t like it?”

“Never said that.”

“Well, if you don’t, I don’t need to—”

“I was kidding,” you whined.

He gave you a look, pretending he was unconvinced. “You’ve had an attitude all night.”

“You spanked me,” you reminded. The memory, the sore feeling on your ass whenever you sat down, had kept you wet all night. “Hard.”

“You talked back.”

You had because you wanted him to spank you. The first time he had, it was quite the discovery. It was after a drink, after you were feeling a little daring. He told you no, and you really hated when he did that. You couldn’t even remember what you had said, but it was bad, it was enough to get your skirt torn down, you bent over his knee, and well, the rest was a blissful blur.

This time it was because he was in a mood. You were getting dressed and he was watching you and that always meant something. You weren’t sure what exactly, but there were a few things you picked up on with Andy. When he wanted to be in control, he didn’t necessarily just want you to submit completely. When he gave you a look, you knew that he wanted you to fight just a bit. So, he told you to wear a specific dress and you refused initially. Cue the spanking. After your whole body felt hot and flushed and your legs were shaking and your cunt was dripping, you obliged, and he was so damn smug about it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, because my fingers are inside you and you want me to make you come.”

“Well…yes.”

He laughed and you couldn’t help but smile. You loved the sound of it. Andy so rarely laughed but you took it to mean that he felt comfortable enough around you. “If you can be patient, I’ll fuck you when we get home.”

Home. His home. Whatever. “And if I can’t?”

“Then you’re going to have to wait until the morning and I might not feel like letting you come. Deal?”

You nodded. “Deal.”

But he didn’t play fair. He drove slower than usual, fingers still buried inside you, and he moved them. A lot. He tried to cover it with stupid things, like driving over a pothole or making a sharp turn. If you moved your hips once, just barely, you lost. So, you sat there, completely still, gripping the seat like it was a lifeline.

Upstairs, you waited for him to make the rounds. Jacob wasn’t there, thankfully, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been there earlier. Andy went around every door and window and made sure they were locked.

In that time, you got undressed and waited for him. You had a couple of red marks across your ass that you could see in the mirror on the opposite end of the bedroom. He always liked seeing your skin marked up in some way if he was the reason.

When he entered the room, you were sitting on the edge of the bed. “Stand up.”

You quickly did so, turning your back to him so he could see your ass. His palms lightly felt along the marked skin there. “It doesn’t hurt.”

He rarely asked, but you found that he fucked you better when he knew for sure. You just started letting him know and it seemed he trusted you enough to voice any boundaries you had if he ever crossed them.

One hand slowly trailed up your spine and slid across to your shoulder. He pressed you down quickly and you caught yourself on the mattress with both hands. You could hardly stay still as you heard his belt and zipper.

He easily pushed into you, body flush against yours. He let you adjust around him, staying perfectly still as he leaned over you and kissed your back, neck, and shoulders. Andy didn’t move until you angled your hips and pressed back a little more, whimpering nonsense.

This was so unlike the two times earlier. In the closet, after he spanked you, he sat you on top of his lap and made you ride him. At the party, in the bathroom, he stood you in front of the mirror and gently fucked you until he had filled you with his cum. This was fast, rough, and maybe a little detached if you really thought about it.

Andy took your waist in both hands and held you in place as he pounded into you relentlessly. Slapping skin, your soaking wet pussy, the bed banging against the wall on his particularly hard thrusts, these had become noises you were more than used to, noises you had grown to crave. Being with Andy was never supposed to be like this, but you didn’t have a single complaint.

You buried your face in the blankets, hands clutching tight at the sheets around you as your muffled screams filled the room. You knew he was close when his hands began to wander. One carded through your hair and pressed you down more, the other moved under you to reach your clit.

“You were such a good girl in the car.”

Your response was unintelligible, but yes. You had been more than just good. You had waited for him even though he was being a tease, and now, you wanted what he owed you. Which he didn’t deny you, not for a second.

He made you come. Once. Twice. Maybe three times. But after that, it was all just nonsense, satisfying, endless nonsense. He was still holding you by the hair, but he’d turned your head so you could breathe, and he was still circling his fingers around your clit.

Your back arched, allowing him in deeper—one of the tells of your approaching orgasm. You felt your pussy tighten around his fingers and began begging him to let you come. Even in this hazy, fucked-out state, you wanted to please him, you wanted his praise and approval.

He gave you permission like he always did and fully intended to fuck you through it. He only paused because he felt you spilling down his thighs, felt the wet sheets against his skin, heard light drops on the hardwood floor. Fuck.

He pulled you against him immediately, your sweat-slicked back to his chest. One arm draped across your chest, the opposite hand wrapped around your neck. You were watching him, eyes clear with curiosity. “You just squirted, princess.”

You blinked and attempted to voice your confusion. Problem was, his hips were still moving. You had no time to recover and there was no chance your brain had at making sense of anything in that moment.

“It was fucking hot and you’re going to do it again.”

Needless to say, you skipped classes the next day.

Andy liked to celebrate the monthly anniversaries.

He was big on creating traditions, you assumed that was just that part of him that had been hardwired to crave a normal family. He hadn’t told you much about his life and you didn’t want to pry—his dad wasn’t around and his mom had been but she died when he was pretty young. He shared this only after he asked about your parents.

The most personal he had ever gotten with you was one night when he had intended to take advantage of your drunk and thoroughly fucked state, obviously convinced that you wouldn’t remember the question in the morning. Do you believe in love?

It was weird given the setting and that you and Andy simply didn’t talk like that. It was dangerous because this could never be more than it was. You were both only allowed feelings of lust, maybe even obsession, but nothing of the usual sense. And Andy was so strict and controlled, you were surprised he would cross any sort of line.

You tried to play it off, tried to tell him that you had more important things to worry about. He didn’t like that response. He pressed because he was just like that, his career was all about pressing and sometimes, he brought it home. You ended up telling him that you viewed marriage as a waste of time. Your parents divorced, all your aunts and uncles, even the younger friends who got married out of high school were on the fast track to messy court dates and vicious custody battles. You also pointed out his situation. If someone as perfect as him couldn’t stay married, no one could.

It was then that he told you the happiest moments of his life were carving pumpkins or decorating the Christmas tree with Jacob. He had loved Valentine’s Day with Laurie, he was the one that had always insisted on doing something. He even looked forward to the smaller holidays, Independence Day, Memorial Day, any day that got Jacob out of school and him an extra day off so they could have a cookout in the backyard.

It wasn’t his intent, but it had sort of created a barrier between you two. You wished he still had his family even if that meant never meeting him. He was that kind of man, a good man, and you could tell that it weighed on him every day that he no longer had his perfect family.

He’d never pictured his life like this, a failed marriage, a child separated between his parents. He never would have entertained the idea of needing someone like you. He didn’t say that last part, but you knew. Sometimes, it was just in the way he looked at you. You feared he would grow to resent you one day, but you always tried to push that thought far away.

Regardless, the distance was there and he realized it even if he didn’t say it. There was also the matter that school had just let out meaning you had zero excuses for saying no to him when he proposed the trip to New York that would coincide with the 7-month mark of your relationship.

You’d never been and you’d always wanted to see Moulin Rouge on Broadway. He’d decided to drive to New York because you had once made the mistake of telling him you hated airports. It was a short road trip, one you weren’t entirely unwelcoming of. Especially not when he kept his hand on your thigh most of the time. It was late when you made it to the hotel and surprisingly, he had no issues with you diving straight into bed.

The morning was quite different. The hotel window had a perfect view of the city and he felt inclined to fuck you against it as soon as you both woke up. Then, he wanted to take you shopping. For nearly two entire days, he spoiled the hell out of you. Anywhere you wanted to go, he would take you. Anything you glanced at, he wanted to buy it for you.

On the night of the show, he finally took you to Victoria’s Secret. You’d seen pictures of it before, but you had not anticipated how beautiful it would look in person. You went crazy, you took him to the fitting room and tortured him on every single floor with both clothing and lingerie. Several hours had been devoted to teasing him and he let you know that after the show, you would regret your decisions.

Before you managed to get him back to the hotel so you could get ready, he needed to spend another awful amount of money on you. There was a jewelry shop just down the street from Victoria’s Secret and he couldn’t let you leave the state—as he claimed when he saw you frown—without at least one diamond.

You wanted nothing, but you knew the chances of him allowing that were nonexistent. So, you told yourself to keep it small, but one thing that had become a harsh reality since you met Andy: you were a sad, pathetic victim to larger, shinier diamonds. You immediately fell in love with a short string of sizable heart-shaped diamonds, the one larger heart dangling in the center is what had caught your eye.

Regardless of this terrible habit you had developed—this feeling that you craved, the pure joy that you got from people knowing that Andy was buying you diamonds—you tried to protest when he caught you staring. You just wanted a bracelet, really. He rarely ever gave you bracelets.

Instead, he sent you off to get coffee. You knew exactly why that was. He often got rid of you when he was about to make decisions that he knew would make you feel bad. You wanted to refuse, but what was better? Blissful ignorance or sitting there just watching him toss out the money for that necklace?

Learning what Andy liked at Starbucks had been a process. He didn’t like his coffee sweet so that eliminated 90% of the menu. His home coffee was some brand you’d never even heard of, the shops he went to were all nearly older than him. He liked cappuccinos with extra espresso, but he preferred the straightforward coffee he would get anywhere else, so he claimed. However, you knew he liked pumpkin spice lattes. You planned to prove it the day they released them for the year.

When he came out, the bag in his hand was much larger than one that would be used for just a necklace. He smiled at the horrified look you shot him and claimed that he was given a great deal for the entire set.

While you were getting ready for the show, you realized that this was the most normal you had felt with Andy in a while. There had been tension that neither of you wanted to address, but this trip was making you realize just how stupid that tension was. One day, this was going to end. It was impractical to think an arrangement like this was going to have a long shelf-life.

Shouldn’t you just enjoy it? Being here with him was fun. You liked the city and all the noise and bustle. You also liked being with him away from home and the lives you two had created long before you met one another. This was just you two, isolated together. Normally, you couldn’t ask that of him. He had his job and he was a father and you understood that completely, but you liked this.

During the show, Andy whispered to you several times. He couldn’t wait to be fucking you. He couldn’t wait to taste you. He couldn’t wait to hear you scream and cry and beg. He placed your hand over his lap just so you could feel how hard he was.

Back at the hotel, and maybe it was because of all that he had said, you didn’t want to tease. Almost immediately, you stripped completely naked—fuck all of that expensive lingerie, apparently.

He finally gave you your diamonds. He started with the necklace and you couldn’t even be upset. It fit you so well, you loved seeing it against your skin, you loved seeing how he looked at you while you were wearing it. Then, he gave you the matching bracelet. You had said you wanted a bracelet, right? You couldn’t complain. The earrings, you told yourself, were fine because you didn’t have a pair of diamond earrings yet.

You felt weighed down by these diamonds but not in a bad way. You felt tied to him, owned like you were one of his prized possessions. It was temporary, you reasoned, so was there any real harm in that? He watched you climb off the bed he had ordered you on mere minutes ago, arching an eyebrow as you lowered to your knees before him.

Andy rarely had the patience to let you go down on him, despite loving the feeling. Mostly, his main source of pleasure came from the things he could make you feel. He also couldn’t understand what you got out of letting him fuck your mouth. You weren’t much of a fan before Andy, you could admit since you had a total of zero pleasant experiences, but you felt that this was your only way of spoiling him.

It was nonnegotiable tonight, you would throw a fit if needed. You looked up at him for a moment, almost asking for permission. But not quite, maybe more for compliance. His promise was made by unzipping his pants for you and then letting his hands fall to his sides.

You took him out of his pants and opened your mouth. Staring up at him again, you took as much of him as you could. He was fine until he felt you gag, then his jaw set and his hands became fists.

“Fuck,” he breathed.

Moaning around him, you slowly pulled back. One of his hands disappeared in your hair before you could get too far. He had to keep you there for a moment, attempting to calm himself down because he could tell how much you wanted this.

He brought his hand forward, touching your cheekbone. “You’re so fucking beautiful.” He slipped his fingers under your jaw and thrust his hips forward gently. He didn’t go too deep and it was at a torturous pace that he pulled out. This man’s control was one of the sexiest things about him. It made him seem so powerful and stable and that was what you craved more than anything in this world.

“Touch yourself,” he directed.

Your hand dove down, two fingers instantly burying inside your pussy. You moaned loudly around him and he cursed again.

“You want me to fuck your face?”

You nodded as well as you could.

He nodded, taking another deep breath. His hold under your face tightened just a bit, thumb and fingers pressing into your jaw. He didn’t thrust, instead, he moved you with his hand. Each time he brought you down on him, he made sure to choke you a little because he knew you liked it.

By the time he was close, your jaw was sore, made worse by his tight hold, your ribs hurt from how hard you had been gagging, the back of your throat was testament that he had lost it a couple of times, and went a bit harder than he meant to. Your entire hand was wet, your thighs shaking and your hips still rolling.

He told you to come with him, told you he wasn’t going to until you did. You pressed the heel of your palm down on your clit and fucked your hand harder. Andy brought you down as far as your throat would allow and held you there, moaning as you attempted to swallow around him.

His hand slid down to your neck and he began to squeeze when he knew you were close, hips moving fast and sloppy. You placed one hand on his thigh to keep yourself balanced, turning your gaze up to him once more.

You felt him start to spill down your throat. He moved harder, hips jerking and cock slamming into the back of your throat each time. The cum that was in your mouth was now beginning to slip out from the sides of your lips.

He pulled out before he was done, one hand in your hair to angle your head back, his other hand stroking his cock as his cum leaked out along your jaw and neck. “God damn, you are fucking gorgeous.”

You stared at him as the tip of your tongue came out to the corner of your mouth where you felt some of his cum.

Immediately, he pulled you onto your feet and shoved you back onto the bed. He was on top of you instantly, using his fingers to collect his cum off your skin so he could feed it to you. As you laid there, licking his fingers, he brought his opposite hand down to your pussy.

“I love feeling your cunt after you’ve just finished.” He teased you several times, just dipping the tips of his fingers in before he pushed two inside you.

You whimpered, lips closed around his fingers. Once he pulled them out, your mouth was free to speak, which was rarely ever a good thing when you two were in bed. “Well, are you going to get inside me, or did you need a minute?”

He arched an eyebrow—it didn’t bother him when you joked about his age, but he pretended it was grounds for true punishment. “Maybe I need several minutes, I guess I just have to keep you coming until then, huh?”

You hummed in protest.

He brought his hand up to grab your jaw, wet fingers pressing tightly into your skin. His lips hovered over yours as he asked, “You’re such a fucking brat, you know that?”

You smiled. “Yes.”

He scoffed. “You’re shameless. I don’t know how you got this bad.”

But he did know, and he would do whatever he possibly could to ensure that you would just get worse. Andy’s success was measured by your bratty episodes. It showed how comfortable you had become with him but also just how much you wanted him.

For the record, you weren’t accusing Andy of being some evil mastermind who had planned this whole…ordeal. That would be insane because it would imply a lot of things that you knew were simply not true about him. He wasn’t a bad person, he was actually one of the best that you had ever met.

But…he was a lawyer. He had picked up some bad habits that came along with that. That meant, that though he didn’t plan this, he was enjoying it thoroughly. In short, you were accusing him of being an opportunist.

The first time you met Andy, he had brought Jacob to that hellhole of a restaurant you used to work at. So, technically Jacob knew you, but he was on his phone the entire time and they were low-maintenance customers, so he’d maybe seen you for a total of 5 minutes over their 2-hour stay. Andy did come back and bring Jacob several times, but it was always the same. He never paid you any mind, and why would he?

So, when you “met” him, half-naked and covered in bruises and bites—something that still made you glare at Andy if you thought about it too much—Jacob already knew you. He just didn’t know you. And after that one encounter, you couldn’t imagine what he thought of you.

This made you realize just how worried you were about how temporary you knew you were. Andy hadn’t said anything so you wondered if Jacob just didn’t tell Laurie. You wondered if she would even care if he had told her. Maybe Andy did this all the time, maybe she just couldn’t be bothered because they weren’t married anymore. You had no idea because Andy rarely spoke to you about Jacob and never spoke about Laurie.

Your grand solution was just trying to avoid Jacob at all costs. Mostly, you were successful, and Andy didn’t seem to mind, per se, but he did not encourage it. He loved his son and he didn’t want part of his life to be completely unknown to Jacob, but you kind of did.

It was one terrible morning when you were a bit hungover from the night before and Andy was making breakfast. He’d just set down a plate of pancakes in front of you, kissed you on top of the head because you were letting him baby you, when Jacob came in, so you didn’t even have an excuse to leave. It would be pathetically clear what you were doing. Were you seriously scared of a 17-year-old boy?

Yes. But you could pretend you weren’t, and you would pretend. There was no other choice. It wasn’t until you were all sitting down for the world’s most awkward breakfast that Andy’s phone rang. He often got calls in the morning and you never minded. Until then.

You shot him a threatening look that he clearly didn’t take seriously. He excused himself and with each step further away, your desire to suddenly die increased.

There was more painfully awkward silence and you wracked your brain for ways to fix it. You could ask him about school, his plans for the day. But that was the easy part. How were you going to word the question casually, unforced? You didn’t have to think on that much longer because he decided to speak first.

“Is my dad your, like, sugar daddy?”

And before you were subjected to having to respond, his friends showed up. Which was great because you couldn’t have formed a response if your life depended on it. But that shock had well worn off by the time Andy returned. He was throwing out apologies and explaining that he was being given an update on one of his cases. He seemed unaware of your silence until he realized Jacob was gone.

“Where’s Jake?”

“He left with his friends.”

“Oh.” He sat down at the table and you glared. “Come on, I didn’t know he was going to be here—”

“He just asked me if you’re my sugar daddy!”

“Well, I am.”

“You are not.”

He lifted his eyebrows. “Then what am I? I pay your bills, I buy you things, in return, you spend most of your free time with me. What does that make me?”

You were mad but not about the idea that he was your sugar daddy. Of course, you’d played with that phrase a few times, but it seemed so unrepresentative of your relationship. At least, to you. He clearly saw it that way, and maybe you weren’t even mad about that.

You might not have been mad at all, maybe just scared. You knew that Andy was in love with his ex-wife still and he always would be. She was this terrifying person that you’d never met that essentially held the cards to your life. You figured that if she expressed any anger towards Andy’s relationship with you, that you would be gone. You would have to go back to your life before, like when the carriage was a pumpkin. And the scariest part of that was not that you had no money. It was that you two would just be done as if you never even happened at all.

“Your boyfriend?” he pressed.

You rolled your eyes. “Whatever.”

“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” he warned.

“I’m going home.”

“No, you’re not.”

Once more, you rolled your eyes. You pushed away from the table and stormed out of the kitchen and to his bedroom.

He came in moments later after you had thrown his shirt on the bed. You were in nothing more than a pair of panties as you searched for where he’d tossed your clothes the night before. He shut the door and locked it, but you refused to respond to his tactics to make you talk.

“Get on the bed.”

You scoffed incredulously, turning over your shoulder to him with raised eyebrows. “Yeah, that’s not happening.”

His hand wrapped around one of your arms and he spun you back to him. You set your hands on his chest to push him away, but he pulled you in so tight that you couldn’t move. He kissed you like it had been years since he last did so, in reality, it had been a little over an hour. It was demanding and fast, he left you no room to protest, but it wasn’t like that mattered because with each passing second, you were giving in.

His free hand slid down between your legs and you broke the kiss to moan. Your head fell back, your body pressed closer to him. It wasn’t a surrender exactly, just a promise that you would get over it and never bring it up again.

But then he said, “Call me daddy.”

You froze, turning your head back to him. “What?”

“Call me daddy,” he repeated. “You want to come? Tell daddy how to make you come.”

It was just a matter of time before it was brought up. Unbeknownst to him, it was on your mind. Unbeknownst to you, it was on his. He hadn’t been the kind for it, then he met you. There was something primal inside him that was triggered when you would whimper and whine, when you were choking on his cock and staring up at him with your beautiful eyes, when you were crying his name. And sometimes, it didn’t completely sound unlike daddy. When you were breathless and fucked good, and nearly mindless. Sometimes, it was close enough that it made him wonder what it would be like.

And you’d been curious too. Ever since he spanked you the first time. You saw Andy as this powerful, good man. He was perfect and didn’t even know it. But all of that was what everyone could see. There were these dark parts of him that made you wet just thinking about. You would never tell him, but once, just one time, he was busy and couldn’t see you one weekend. Meaning you had to take care of yourself. Your dreams were vivid and filthy, and you might have called him daddy in one…so, yeah.

“I’m not going to touch you if you can’t follow orders, princess.”

It took you a moment to find your voice, especially with the way he was looking down at you. “I…don’t know…” It felt weird, like you were admitting this terrible secret. You were aware he had asked you to, but it still felt wrong. Kind of.

“Well,” his fingers slid over you again, a teasing touch that was too light for any real relief, “do you want daddy’s fingers?”

You nodded.

“What about daddy’s cock?”

“Yes.”

“Or maybe daddy’s mouth?” He kissed your forehead first, then your cheek, and finally all over your neck. “Hmm?”

“Yeah, that’s what I want.”

“You know what I want,” he pointed out, pulling back to look at you. “Tell me what you want first.”

He was not letting you out of this and did you actually want him to? Andy was a complete daddy. He spoiled the hell out of, almost literally got off on taking care of you, and he was a kind, beautiful man who had no problems fucking you like he hated you.

“Will you eat my pussy, Daddy?”

Wordlessly, he sat you down on the bed and pushed you onto your back by your shoulders. His eyes on yours, he took you with his mouth over your panties and any doubts you had about this just faded away.

Your breath was shaking as he held you down, his hands gripping your arms tight. You draped your legs over his shoulders and pulled him closer. He pressed his tongue flat against you each time he licked up your aching cunt. “Oh, god,” you blurted out when you felt him at your clit.

He turned his head, nipping at your thigh. It was a prompt.

“Daddy,” you breathed, and he returned his mouth to you. “Daddy, please.”

He hummed. What are you asking for?

“Please, take them off,” you begged.

His fingers slipped under the band of your underwear and he tore them into pieces, without any skill whatsoever, as his tongue sought out bare skin. You’d heard several tears by the time his tongue was inside you.

You arched your back and grabbed a hold of his hair with both hands. He almost instantly took your hands and held them down to the bed again. “Daddy, don’t stop. Please don’t stop. Please make me come.”

He pulled your clit between his lips and you knew that you weren’t going to last much longer. You knew this was your biggest loss so far. He was never going to let you forget that you’d come up here throwing a fit, trying to push him away, only to beg him to eat you out.

Your hips rolled against his face, he seemed surprised for a moment, but he moaned against you, so you kept doing it. “Can I come, Daddy? Please?”

He hummed again, a confirmation.

When you moved instead of waiting for him, you could feel his beard. That was the only reason you kept canting your hips up to meet the swipes of his tongue that were toeing the line of being too good.

He let his tongue drop down to tease your entrance, earning a frustrated whine from you. Your clit wasn’t neglected for long, you felt the tip of his nose hovering just right there. So, if you were to move, if you bucked your hips just right, you discovered quickly just how to get the right kind of pressure there.

Andy loved every second of it, he loved the smell of you and the taste of you, and he knew he was never going to be a better position to indulge in both. You were wild even though he was pinning you down, you were hardly ever this desperate, this upfront with your desire. It was the sexiest thing he ever witnessed.

You finished on his tongue and he let no drop of you go to waste. He was selfish in the way he ran his mouth along the oversensitive parts of you. Before reality had even made its way back to you, he’d placed you on your knees before him. Your body was moving without your brain, like pure instinct. Your mouth opened for him before you even knew you were on the floor and you took him in as deep as you could.

He took a handful of your hair and held you in place, hips slowly, gently moving back and forth. You were gagging around him but he was letting you get used to it, telling you that you were such a good girl, reminding you how well you knew how to suck his cock, how you’d always been so good at it.

He didn’t want to come in your mouth, he just wanted to get close. He threw you down on the bed just as soon as he’d gotten you back on your feet and then he was on top of you. His hand wrapped around your neck as he slotted his hips between your thighs.

His eyes locked on yours, he slowly sunk into you. It was damn near painful the kind of restraint he was using, how he was denying you that fast kind of fucking he knew you loved. He pulled back, using his knees for balance, and kept his hold on your throat.

His thrusts were too gentle, several agonizing times, until you were squirming and whimpering. He didn’t seem concerned with what you wanted then, he merely kept his eyes moving over your body.

“Andy,” you complained.

He tsked. “Baby girl.”

“Daddy,” you corrected instantly. “Daddy, please. I need you to fuck me.”

Instead, he leaned back down and kissed you. He started at your mouth and then moved to your jaw. His hips barely moved, just enough to keep you on this edge of murderous rage. Seriously? After what you just went through? He wasn’t going to fuck you to make it up to you?

He sat back again and tightened his hand when you opened your mouth. It was the nicest way he was ever going to tell you to shut up, but he was telling you to. You were too scared to show any signs of disobedience at this point.

He pulled out and you whined unintelligibly. You received nothing more than a brief ‘hush’ before he was laying down next to you. He was on his side, propping one of your legs over his hip as he slid back into you. He lifted you up so you could lay your head on his bicep and used that arm to grab your opposite thigh, pulling it out to the side so you were completely open for him.

“Daddy,” you mewled. You couldn’t keep doing this, you needed to come. You needed him to make you come. He dragged his cock out and then shoved back in, earning a strangled yelp from you. You brought both hands up to hold the forearm that was still pressed between your breasts.

It was then that he started this horrible pattern of fucking you hard, hard, until you were just about to come. You would be shaking, begging like you never had before, promising you would never talk back to him again, and then he would just stop.

He never denied your orgasm. If anything, he just threatened to, didn’t follow through, then made weak threats that he would next time. It was a nice routine and you weren’t sure why he wanted to ruin it.

He told you to leave your thigh where it was and then brought that hand up. He started at your mouth, he ordered you to close your lips around his fingers. He was choking you still and now gagging you and you were abruptly lightheaded. He’d never given you a safe word, you were sure he never intended to go too far. The idea that he might, though… Ugh.

He pulled his fingers from your mouth and they were soaking wet because he didn’t give you the chance to swallow. He dragged them down your body, stopping to pinch one of your nipples painfully until you gasped, and then down to your pussy.

Tears filled your eyes immediately as he pressed his fingers down on your clit. He kissed the side of your face several times before stating, “I can’t keep giving you what you want if you’re going to be such a brat, baby.”

“I’m not being a brat,” you protested.

“You’re not?”

“No.”

“Okay,” he scoffed. His fingers began to rub circles into you.

You shot him a desperate look. “Daddy, please I need you to make me come.”

He arched an eyebrow, hips still but hand moving. “Oh, you need me to?”

“No one else makes me come like you do.” It was clear that you were just saying anything you could think to make him give in. True? Yes. But were the words sincere? Not at all, and you didn’t want him to know that. Yes, you liked spending time with Andy, you even loved fucking him, but this was not a relationship. It was an arrangement first and you had to protect yourself.

He rolled his eyes at you. “Transparent.”

You let your head fall back into the pillow with an exaggerated sigh. “Please?”

“No.”

You looked at him instantly, eyebrows pulling together. “What?”

“No,” he repeated slowly.

He’d never just told you no. Maybe in a roundabout way, he’d talked his way through the fact of no, but never once had he just out and said it. You had no idea how to reply. After all, he was in charge here. If he said no, did you have to accept it?

He brought his fingers down to where your bodies were connected and pulled out completely. He dipped his fingers into you at the same time he was easing his cock back in.

You bit down on your lip, willing yourself to relax. He was always a tight fit, even without the addition of two of his thick fingers, even on those weeks when he fucked you every day, numerous times a day.

“You’re okay,” he promised. “You can take it.”

You tried spreading your legs even more, hoping that would make him easier to take.

“Good girl.” He pulled his cock and fingers out briefly before working them both back in simultaneously. “How’s it feel, baby?”

“It hurts a little.”

“But you can take it, can’t you?” He kissed along your cheekbone. “You want it, right? Because you’re my good girl.”

You were nodding before you even truly thought about it. You wanted anything he wanted to give you, in reality. You supposed this was not the exception to that rule.

He continued pulling out and teasing back in, going just a little deeper each time.

Your cunt was aching by the time you propped yourself up on your elbows to see. The sight of him inside you was sinful and delicious.

He felt you flutter around him and kissed the side of your face again. “You like when I stretch you out, baby?”

You nodded. That was exactly how you felt. Stretched. It still hurt but not in any kind of way that you didn’t like. Your cheeks were flushed since he’d been denying you a finish, otherwise, you would be blushing terribly. It was a toe-in-the-water of humiliation, you felt a little objectified, or reduced to a single body part. Again, not something you were opposed to because your mind was fucked up enough that your body would respond ecstatically to anything Andy wanted to do to it.

“Do you want another one?”

You weren’t sure, but that didn’t stop you from claiming you did. You watched the tip of his third finger collect the slick on the base of his cock and slide into you. He began pulling out and gently pushing both fingers and cock back in until he was buried several inches and two knuckles into your pussy.

“You are soaked, baby.”

Part of you hated that. How bratty could you be from here on out if you were this wet for him? If your cunt was literally begging him for more of his fingers? That was the pride part of you. The sick part of you stopped to think about how he had 7 more fingers to fuck you with, if he wanted. “Can I have another?”

He smirked. “I think 3 is enough tonight, princess. I don’t want to hurt you too much.”

“I want all your fingers inside me, daddy.”

He scoffed. “Not sure that’s possible, you’re still so tight. But I do have a little more I can give you.” As he pressed more of his fingers in, beyond that second knuckle which made you gasp and squirm because it burned, he also gave you more of his cock.

You were shaking, hand settling on his forearm once more. “Oh, daddy…I feel so full.”

“And your desperate cunt still wants more?”

“Anything from you, daddy. Can I please come?”

He didn’t answer, his hips merely began moving. He roughly fucked into you as he pulled just so with his fingers to keep you painfully stretched.

You were getting close again. That stinging sensation was starting to fade away with the building pleasure. When he angled his hand and let his thumb massage your clit, you knew you wouldn’t last much longer. “Daddy, please.”

“You can’t come.”

You whined. “Daddy!”

“I said no.”

You pressed your hand to his stomach to still his hips, but he paid you no mind. “Daddy, I’m going to come.”

“You better not,” he warned, but didn’t do anything to help you want that. If anything, his hips snapped a bit harder.

“Please stop, daddy,” you begged, voice pathetically small and whiny. You didn’t care how you sounded or looked, you just didn’t want to come without him letting you. You didn’t want to disappoint him. “Daddy, I’m close. Please stop.”

He scoffed, free hand coming up to your face. “You’re such a good girl, you know that?”

You frantically shook your head. You weren’t so good that you wouldn’t come, so really, you needed him to stop.

“You don’t want to come without my permission?”

“No, daddy.”

He pressed his thumb down harder and rubbed faster, earning an unintelligible, sad sound from you. “It’s okay, baby girl, you can come. Daddy wants to feel you coming around his cock.”

You lifted your hand back up to his arm, trying to turn into his body as much as you could. He understood immediately and moved his hold from your neck to drape his arm across you, resting his hand on your back. You set your head in the bend of his neck as you started to come.

He groaned when he felt you get tighter. “That’s it, baby. That’s what I wanna feel.”

Tears were rolling down your cheeks by the time you were coming. Your body had never felt relief so strong. Andy shushed you through it all and told you that you were so good and didn’t stop until he had you filled with his cum.

He let you settle before urging you onto your back. “You okay, baby?”

“Yes, daddy.” You were more than just okay. You were sated and aching, you were exhausted and blissful. It had been a while since he’d spent so much time on you and you felt good, doted on, paid attention to.

He carefully pulled his fingers from your cunt, eyeing your face as he did, but then quickly took your jaw in one hand and shoved the fingers into your mouth. You instantly began sucking on them. “A few things. First, you do not roll your eyes at me. Second, you do not leave the table unless I tell you that you can. Third, do not ever walk away from me. Fourth, when I tell you to get your ass on the bed, you better get your ass on the bed. Are we clear?”

You nodded, speaking around his fingers.

“Glad to hear it.” He slowly extracted his fingers, massaging your jaw with the opposite hand. “When you can walk again, I’ll take you shopping—”

You hurriedly jumped out of bed, rushing for the shower. “I’ll be ready in an hour!”

requests to be tagged:

@onetwo3000​ @chris-evans-indian-fanfic​

[donkey-hyuck]

𝑪𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒃; 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑨𝒓𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒂: 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔

three card spreads↴

tarot cards;

the hermit (upright) 

contemplation, search for truth, inner guidance

strength (upright)

inner strength, bravery, compassion, focus

the emperor (reversed)

tyranny, rigidity, coldness

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

word count- 18,355 (woah wtf😳) 

genre- angst baby || fluff || yk just pure angst || high school! au in the beginning || college!au || bittersweet ||

characters/pairing- kinda popular kid!lee jeno x fem!volleyball player!reader || nct dream including mark || sooyoung

warnings- swearing | mentions of cheating but only accusations | dialogue heavy | lowercase letters intended | over usage of words bc i’m irrelevant | spelling/grammar mistakes | a whole relationship rollercoaster | jeno’s a dickhead | lots of self pondering

introduction- maybe you two just had enough of each other. being involved in one another’s lives could have just taken a huge toll on the both of you. so after finally separating practically your whole lives, you may both think you’re fine; but inside, neither of you can let each other go. one heated argument leads to another and you may have just lost your best friend, the love of your life… or maybe you didn’t…. or maybe you did.

taglist! @badwithten​, @jenoji​, @joyfuleggsfishbanana​, @proseeuhn​, @danishmiilk​

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

“mommy! jeno just pulled my hair!” your five year old self shouted as five year old jeno huffed and turned the other way. his mother had been out for the day for a job interview and your mother had promised to take care of him. the two of your mothers’ had been friends since middle school, grew up together, went through their adolescence, helped each other with university work. they were the best of friends, inseparable. and when they found out they were both pregnant at the same time, they were ecstatic to raise their children together.

you and jeno had known each other your entire lives up to that point. he was only four months older than you but he acted as if he was so superior, and it just made you ticked off. throughout elementary school—mostly kindergarten and first grade— the two of you never got along and fought constantly. your mothers’ tried to make you like each other but to no avail.

“mom! y/n pinched me!” five year old jeno yelled to his mother as you stuck your tongue out at him and crossed your arms. your mother had brought you along to their house when that happened and it just seemed as if the two of you would never get along.

but all that changed when you entered middle school. well, not completely, but you had his back when he needed it. mostly when you were forced to help tutor jeno in your science class, or when he had a crush on one of your good friends. he had your back too, telling you not to get into fights with the girls who thought they were so much better than you, or trying to set you up on dates with his friends. middle school was truly a place where you and jeno put away whatever feud the two of you had going on. middle school with jeno was actually fun, graduating your eighth grade class, messing around with teachers, meeting new friends. there was just so much enjoyment for the both of you during those years.

when high school came along, the two of you had been in separate classes, you being put in advanced placement and jeno being put in stem. that was kind of the first time you have been separated from each other at school. during your primary days, you and jeno had the same schedules and it seemed like fate wanted you two together. but when you entered high school, you were both more distant toward each other, specifically during all of junior and most of senior year.

freshman year was more of an experience. it was weird to not see jeno through the halls, let alone not have classes with him. but the two of you were just as inseparable as your mothers’, and met up with each other after school anyway, whether it was your mom picking the two of you up or his.

you were two peas in a pod and had seemed to always be teased by your peers, even when you denied liking each other. if it was true or not, no one had believed you and the two of you were stuck as the couple throughout the entirety of freshman year.

“true friends are never apart. maybe in distance but never in heart.” as you two said.

but new years of 2016 all changed the way jeno had perceived you. he was invited to a new years party with a few of his friends— na jaemin and lee donghyuck— and jeno had seemingly been gullible enough to believe the lies people were saying about you. about how you started the rumor of him dating a model his age from overseas, the rumor about him making out with younghee during his free period one thursday morning, or the rumor about him liking eunseo. he was furious to know that you were the one who spread all of the gossip around school, pushing past the idea that you and him had been connected by the hip since you were born. pushing past the idea that you truly weren’t like that. but jeno was enraged, nonetheless.

while he was feeding off of lies people had told him that night, your family— as well as his— were spending the new year right. you and your family had been invited to the lee’s for the countdown and you noticed your best friend wasn’t there.

“y/n! jeno’s not here, he’s with donghyuck and jaemin for a new years party tonight. i hope you won’t be bored here,” said his mother with a look of disappointment in her eyes. you shook your head and smiled, “it’s okay, aunty. i have minjung!” although you were excited to have some alone girl time with his older sister, jeno had never told you about attending a new years party that night. and to think about it more, hyuck nor jaem had told you either. it was weird. but you just pushed that all aside and walked down the hall to minjung’s room. at the time you were fifteen and she was eighteen and a well-known senior at your high school.

“minjung!” you bursted through her door and she immediately ran to hug you. “y/n! i missed you!” she hugged back as nal nudged your calf in a greeting. picking up the feline, you walked out of the room to eat and sit in the living room to play some family games.

your two families counted down together and it was officially 2016. your parents had decided to stay for another hour before going back home. but during that hour, hyuck’s mom had dropped off jeno and he was met with your families laughing and having the time of their lives together. another year, another long friendship that was to never end; or so your parents thought.

jeno came home upset that night. he felt betrayed and disappointed that you would say those things about him but all the more that made him angry. his mother had greeted him but he coldly shook it off and took to his room. you were shocked, jeno never acted that way towards his mother. you didn’t notice how quiet it was until your parents nudged you to talk to him.

“uhm.. aunty, uncle. i’ll go talk to jeno, see what’s up with him.” and for some unknown reason, you were nervous walking down to his bedroom.

carefully, you knocked and let yourself slide through the door, “jen…? are you okay? why’d you do that to your mom?” your voice was soft, just more of a way to not trust you. you were a hoax. at least, to jeno you were.

“i’m fine, y/n. get out of my room, i need to shower,” he rushed you out only making you want to say and ask a million questions about what was going on in that moment.

“no. what’s wrong with you? what happened tonight?” your brows furrowed and that was when he turned to you with stone cold eyes.

“none of your business. now get out!”

you don’t think jeno had made you cry since you were little but this was the first time a tear had shed because of the person you cared most about. however, you could never really recall why you cried that night. it wasn’t a bawling kind of cry, more of a sniffly kind of cry. whether it was frustration or shock, you walked out of his room as you wiped your tears with your sweater. it’s probably only a mood, you tried to convince yourself.

boy were you wrong.

the next few months were like this; you constantly trying to get jeno’s attention, crying about losing your best friend, and questioning what had happened to get him so upset at you. it was all a mind-fuck and you missed jeno. and by the time sophomore year was over, you and jeno had seemed to become less and less involved with each other when your parents were invited to their house or vice versa. around midway summer vacation before junior year, you stopped trying to get jeno’s attention because you clearly didn’t matter to him anymore.

both of your parents were confused as to why you stopped talking all of a sudden. you two still saw each other, yes, but there was nothing past the glaring looks of pure hatred. ever since that night, there was never a spare of words between the two of you and your mothers’ were worried.

one morning, before driving off to school, your mother had asked you, “y/n, why don’t you and jeno talk anymore?

“jeno, why don’t you and y/n talk anymore?”

“he’s a jerk, mom. it’s complicated.”

“she’s fake, mom. it’s complicated.”

—

graduation was two months away and it had been officially two years and a couple months since your friendship breakup.

“hello!! earth to y/n,” waved hyuck with his hands in front of your face. “what’s up with you right now?”

after breaking the news to mutual friends, donghyuck had been stuck between the two of you for the longest time but opted to just stay friends with you and jeno because that wasn’t a petty thing to do. jaemin on the other hand, was a different story. after jeno told jaemin you weren’t friends before he told hyuck, jaemin had texted you to meet by the library to ‘talk.’ turned out, jaemin wanted to stay loyal to his friend and disregard you and your feelings; and that was the end of that relationship. so you basically lost two of your bestest friends within a span of a week without a clue as to why. that was the big question, though…. why?

you blinked as you looked toward his direction. “what do you want, hyuck?” he sighed before answering, “first class is free period, dummy. mrs. choi isn’t here today.” you slowly sighed as well, as donghyuck took you by your hand and dragged you out of the empty classroom.

“let’s go to mr. park’s. we can stay there until class ends. today’s long period anyway,” he explained, dragging you down the hall and up two flights of stairs. donghyuck barged into the room causing everyone to immediately look at the loud boy crashing the lecture.

“lee donghyuck! y/f/n! what are you two doing here? shouldn’t you be in mrs. choi’s room?” mr. park raised a brow.

“ayy mr. park! y/n and i are here because mrs. choi couldn’t make it to class today. besides, you’re our favorite teacher, why else would we come here?” the teacher hummed and excused you to sit at his, fairly large, desk. “just don’t bother my students,” he warned, mostly talking to hyuck. he only responded in a wink and signed a ‘keep going.’

about twenty minutes of unproductive work had passed and you finally looked up to observe the students in mr. park’s stem class. his room wasn’t that big and there were only about nineteen to twenty-four kids in the class. scanning the room, your eyes were met with jeno’s. you slightly snickered as your eyes twitched in annoyance and turned to hyuck.

“hey, guess who’s here.” his brows furrowed as he looked around, finally getting to see jeno. but being the good friend that he was, hyuck waved at jeno before greeting him. they apparently had a handshake and mr. park seemed to notice as he told hyuck to sit back down and for jeno to focus on his work. the tan boy pouted before sitting back at his seat, making some of the girls laugh.

he came back to sit next to you and you rolled your eyes toward jeno and turned to the boy. “really?”

“whaaat? just because you two aren’t friends doesn’t mean that he and i can’t.” what hyuck said was true. you shouldn’t let your aggravation get the best of you. it was donghyuck’s decision to be and to not be friends with people. you huffed out a fine and turned back to your laptop that does not have any completed assignments— though there were only two that you hadn’t done yet. but you knew that free period class was gonna be torture for the next hour or so.

your second period class was, fortunately, in mr. park’s room with hyuck. however, jeno happened to have mrs. choi for second period and asked mr. park to stay in his class for the time being. so while the three of you waited for the students to attend, jeno and hyuck had been messing around and the room filled with their laughter. soon, as the teacher was getting ready for his class, a couple of your extroverted classmates joined along in their joking as you just sat quietly next to hyuck.

while ten minutes had passed of mr. park talking and explaining something along the lines of graphical analysis, hyuck whispered, “what’s up with you today? you’re eerily quieter than usual.” yeah… why were you quieter today?

“uh, i don’t know, hyuck. maybe i’m just not feeling it today, i guess,” you shrugged and looked back to the class work stuck on your desk. then your mind wandered off to the conversation you had with your mother that morning.

“how? you two were the best of friends. what happened to ‘true friends are never apart. maybe in distance but never in heart?’” she asked, shoving down a spoonful of rice. but you just shrugged and replied, “hm, i don’t know, mom. he hasn’t spoken a word to me since new years of 2016. it’s been two years. besides, if he doesn’t want to be friends with me without telling the reason, then that’s on him. i quit trying a long time ago.”

it was true. after jeno pushed you off on multiple occasions, you had stopped trying to get on good terms again. he was the immature one in the first place; you just tried to fix whatever was going on.

but soon enough, second period was over and out you were to mr. yang’s ap chemistry class. sooyoung— one of your closest girl friends— had happened to be in that class as well so when you entered the room she immediately called you over. you sat down at the lab table where she was seated and rested your face against it.

“what’s wrong, y/n?” she asked, making you look up at her while rubbing your face from all the questions about your sudden change in behavior.

“nothing much. well… mrs. choi isn’t here today so hyuck dragged me to mr. park’s class and that asshole lee jeno was in there,” you explained to her but she got confused because you never really associated yourself with him since the sudden split. she was about to ask why you were so caught up with him all of a sudden but it was as if you could read her mind because your next sentence was, “my mom asked me about him this morning. she’s still bugging me about why we aren’t friends… his mom too, i’m sure. and i’ve just been thinking about it. usually she would ask and i would answer the same and be fine but i guess today is just not my day.” you'd be lying if you said you didn’t miss lee jeno. you truly did. after all the shenanigans you’ve been through, lee jeno was always by your side.

ugh just stop thinking about it. you told yourself, mentally slapping your face and turning toward the board. but throughout the entire class, you did not pay attention to a word that came out of mr. yangs’ mouth.

once the bell rang, you were snapped out of your trance and quickly packed your things to go to your fourth class of the day— mrs. lim.

walking up the stairs, you met donghyuck in the halls and told him to hurry to mrs. lim’s class before she gets upset. providentially, mrs. lim was short period and there wasn’t much to do besides take notes.

“y/n who do you have next?” donghyuck asked as he waited for you to walk to the door and out to the hallway. “language with ms. jung. you should know this by now, hyuck,” you playfully shook your head and punched his shoulder. he ignored it and asked another question, “oh! so you have first lunch?” you nodded and walked down the stairs to the first floor library.

“yeah but i’m not gonna eat. plus, i don’t know anyone during my lunch.”

hyuck dramatically covered his mouth and gasped. “yes you do, what the fuck? hello… me, duh!” you laughed at his extra self and stuck your hands in your pockets. “i mean besides you. everyone wants to sit with you anyways. and you know i don’t really eat lunch.” your response only made him pout and look at you with a weird face expression. “you know i would rather sit with you any day right, y/n?” you smiled brightly and looked at him. “... i know, but i’m just not hungry. i’ll be in the library for lunch, and after ms. jung’s class. mrs. bae isn’t here today either so i’m just going to spend my time there.”

he muttered in disappointment as he dropped you off at the library before heading to the cafeteria.

“bye stupid. thanks for walking with me.” he smirked and turned around. “bye ugly. i’ll see you here in two hours. love you.”

“love you too.” but a pair of brown eyes watched the whole scene. the scene that made his heart slowly break.

you walked into the library and sat at a vacant three seater table and pulled out whatever you had to finish out of your bag. five minutes had passed of you typing on your computer when a fellow junior— park jisung— walked through the double doors and immediately recognized his favorite senior— you.

“y/n!” he whisper shouted while speed walking to the table you were sitting at. smiling at him, you pulled the chair next to you so he would have a place to sit. then you asked him why he was here.

“mrs. choi isn’t present today so i’m just gonna stay here. mrs. bae isn’t here either, chenle’s gonna come during last period too,” he explained while getting out his computer and a notebook. mrs. bae was your ceramics teacher and it seemed like there were a lot of teachers absent that day; but it was only a regular friday.

after conversing with jisung for another twenty minutes the loud bell signified the end of first lunch and off you were to your language class with ms. jung. you left the library after packing up and bidding jisung a short ‘see ya later.’

however, you forgot lee jeno was also in ms. jung’s class with you until you saw the back of his head turn straight into her room. fuck.

shortly after he walked in and sat down, you walked through the door and toward the back of the class to sit at one of the desks. and you swore jeno was eyeing you down as you passed him, and not in a good way.

but to jeno… he was eyeing you because he just missed you. he missed hanging out with you, especially during class. ever since he had that chat with his mom that morning— as well as seeing you with hyuck in mr. park’s class, and seeing you two announce your appreciation towards each other— he realized that he fucking missed you. so much.

that day was a friday too, so your parents were definitely going over the lee’s tonight. mentally, you rolled your eyes and shut your brain from thinking anything else and to just listen to what ms. jung had planned for the day.

school was boring, though. and your class just continued doing whatever you did during your class, prior.

“okay guys! we’re together for short period on monday, make sure you finish your research over the weekend. you’re free to go.”

you just stuffed your notebook into your bag and walked up the aisle. but you stopped right when jeno had dropped his pen. he picked it up and looked at you,  quietly apologizing. you hadn’t heard him, though; he was too quiet so you just paused until he picked it up and walked out of class to the front lobby. he should’ve just spoken up but he was too late.

mrs. bae didn’t have a substitute to fill in for her so you walked to the library, planning to sit at the same table which, thankfully, already seated chenle and jisung. you sat across from the boys and sighed, laying your head down again.

“what’s wrong?” asked chenle. you lifted your head up and lazily smiled before shaking your head.

“nothing. today’s just been tiring, that’s all. you two do your work. i’m gonna try to take a nap.” they both nodded and let you rest for the remaining time, making sure to wake you up before the bell rang.

—

“hyuck!” you ran up to him. he picked you up from your house that morning and so he was going to drop you off. “we have to pick up jangmi today. she stayed after school to help her teachers prepare for their spring formal.”

“really? sungho stayed after school too. what a coincidence,” he chuckled as he unlocked the car door and started it up. jangmi was your little sister in seventh grade and sungho was donghyuck’s younger brother in the same grade, attending the same school. what your poor little sister didn’t know was that sungho had a tiny little crush on her. so said from sungho to hyuck. it was cute.

they both greeted the two of you and talked about their day staying after school.

“are you guys going to the dance together?” asked donghyuck with a slight laugh, making sungho flush red and stutter, “uh.. i don’t know. it’s up to jangmi. but i don’t have a date yet.” his little brothers response made hyuck laugh and you hit his stomach.

“don’t make fun of sungho. it’s not nice. jangmi, do you have a date for the formal?” you looked at her through the rear view mirror. “no. i don’t even know if i wanna go yet.” hyuck laughed again but you flicked his cheek before he could say anything else to his brother. and then it got awkwardly quiet in the backseat of the acura tlx.

“bye, jangmi! bye, y/n!” said hyuck and his brother. “same time tomorrow morning?” he asked after rolling down the window some more. you responded with a nod and walked into your house after waving one last time to the pair of siblings. only to be met with your mother rushing the two of you to change into something formal. your sister whined and asked why.

“we’re meeting at kwonsooksoo to have dinner with the lee’s.”

“but it’s only three p.m. why do we have to get ready now?” you furrowed your brows.

“because i know you girls will take forever. plus, it’s almost a two hour drive from here. we’re supposed to be meeting them at 7:30.”

that was a typical friday night. each of your parents spending way too much money on food that’ll be half finished by the time you left, awkward and nasty looks between you and jeno, and quiet conversations of you and minjung followed by jeno and jangmi.

so while fixing up the makeup on your face, you slowly stopped swiping the brush on your face and looked in the mirror at your reflection, then to the bedside table where you remember you hid a scrapbook from years ago. setting the brush down on your desk, you turned in the chair you were sitting in and opened the drawer to pick up the polaroid picture filled book.

covering the cream colored pages were silly pictures of the two of you from birth to elementary school, fun patterns of washi tape, and the messy handwriting of you and jeno. looking through the reminiscent book, you remembered the stash of old friendship items in a large shoe box hiding under your bed. quickly, you scrambled to the floor and dragged the dusty, wood-like box from its place.

you opened the top of the box and it looked like how you remembered it looked like when you packed it up two years ago. in the box contained some more photo albums and scrapbooks, a few framed pictures, letters that jeno wrote for your birthday—your seventh, tenth, and fourteenth— a few sheets of guitar notes, and a friendship bracelet each of you made for each other. and looking through all of the memories, a single tear had dropped from your face just as your mother walked in the room. she was going to tell you they were ready to leave until she stopped mid sentence, immediately looking sad at her daughter crying because of the friendship she used to have.

“auh… y/n,” her voice was soft as she knelt on the floor and cupped your cheeks in her palms. you just cried and hugged her, constantly saying that you missed him. you missed lee jeno so damn much. and you could never say it enough.

the lee’s never saw you that night. after that whole breakdown, your mother thought it was best to not let you go. it could’ve caused more erect feelings and she didn’t want that for you, even if she did want you to tell jeno that you missed him. but she didn’t force it on you, and they left the house to meet the lee’s without you.

the following hour, a knock was heard at your door.

it was na jaemin.

jaemin had lived in the area, but you were confused and shocked by his presence back in your life. hesitantly, you unlocked the door and there he stood. from the outside, you probably looked emotionless but on the inside, you were freaking the fuck out.

“na jaemin..? what are you doing here?” you had been straight to the point, not wanting to see his face any longer. but he just dryly chuckled and said, “my mom cut the power at my house. it’s gonna be out for a few days but i just wanted to see if you still lived in the area.” it sounded like he was mocking you and it made your eye twitch in annoyance and asked him what he wanted and why he was here.

“whaat? i can’t see an old friend?” that made you pissed and you shoved the door closed. though na jaemin had a fast reflex, and caught the door with his foot before opening it again. this time, your hand was rested on your hip and the other was holding the door, preventing it to be fully opened.

“we don’t like each other, remember. now spill it or i’ll crush your toes with my door.” you were still as sassy as he remembered and it made him genuinely smile this time.

“calm down, princess. i just really wanted to know if you were home since, you know, you and jeno’s family are out.” how did he know? lee jeno, that’s how. you just rolled your eyes and opened the door wider than it was before he just invited himself in your house. didn't he have any respect?

walking in after him, you watched as he sat down on your couch and you leaned on the wall. the space of your living room was quiet until he broke the silence.

“jeno said that you didn’t go with your family today… that’s why i’m here, okay.” he looked at you with guilt in his eyes.

to be honest, you missed jaemin almost as much as you missed jeno. you confessed it to hyuck, and you were almost 100% sure he told at least jaemin that you missed the two.

“i’m sorry,” he whispered out, “i miss you y/n… jeno and i both.”

you looked to the floor then back to the blonde boy, unbelievably. the boys were pranksters and this could be a sick joke.

“don’t lie to me, na,” you hissed out and pushed yourself off the wall to walk into the kitchen, jaemin following after. he sat at the island and watched as you rummaged through the fridge to find something to drink.

“i’m being sincere. we miss you a lot.”

scoffing, you left the kitchen to walk to your room. but you looked back at jaemin, sighed, and motioned him to follow you up to your room.

your room was still the same. the first door to the right when you walk up the stairs. of course, it had been revamped, but it still eluded the energy he always sensed from you since the two of you met. staring at jaemin scanning your room, you remembered how observant he was.

jaemin always knew when something was up, whether it was you being sad, you being frustrated, or when you were just zoning out. he knew you like the back of his hand, even if you didn’t know it. he was quiet but knowledgeable.

while looking around the room, jaemin noticed the old  photo albums opened and scattered on your bed. he walked to your bed and picked up the butterfly scrapbook. flipping through the pages, he smiled, and even slightly chuckled at the childish pictures and humorous comments that filled each page. when he was done looking through that photo book, he patted the seat next to him for you to sit down. grabbing the next scrapbook— a pokémon themed title page— he opened it up and leaned his head on your shoulder, causing you to freeze up.

it was as if he knew there were lots of pictures of him and hyuck in that specific book. it was your eighth grade memory book and you had known hyuck and jaemin for three years prior to that. the sweet smile was still on his face the entire time he flipped through the pages. he read and detected every picture and every little blurb of writing on each page, knowing whose handwriting was who’s.

“i missed this a lot,” he muttered while caressing the printed out picture of the four of you during your eighth grade graduation ceremony. then he glanced up at you. looking nowhere in particular, you whispered out, “me too. so much.” jaemin then sat up and faced you, wiping the tears escaping your eyes. you then looked at him.

“you know, y/n… jeno still has the friendship bracelet you made him,” he said, looking at the colorful arrangement of beads sitting on the floor. “actually, jeno has a lot of things in his room that remind him of you.” he leaned his head against your shoulder once more, lightly wrapping his arms around you to embrace your figure in a hug. then you leaned your head against his, slightly sniffling away the tears and picking up the last scrapbook you made before you stopped being friends.

flipping through the pages, jaemin recollected all the memories from two to three years ago in high school. about halfway through the book, the pictures soon came to a stop. the rest of the pages were left blank. he lifted his head up and there was a frown present on his face.

“you didn’t finish filling it out?” he questioned, getting up and closing the book.

“i didn’t get to. we stopped talking after new years.” he looked back at the page that was last filled. it was pictures of your families together during christmas eve playing secret santa. flashes of smiling faces and wrapping paper on the floor.

‘december 24, 2015, christmas eve. i hung these pictures up late this year. it’s currently january second and jeno won’t talk to me since new years night. i didn’t have the guts to put these pictures in here but these were the last pictures i had of us all being happy. i don’t think he wants to talk to me anyways…. happy new year and goodbye for now, it’s been fun :( - y/n’

jaemin’s heart broke while holding the crinkled paper in his hands. as strong as he was, mentally, his tears dripped onto the last filled page and looked to you. a single tear falling as he blinked. without a word, jaemin embraced you in a warm and comforting hug. a hug you missed for years.

slowly, you wrapped your arms around your ex-best friend as tears puddled your shoulder as he cried harder and harder. and after the ten minute crying session, jaemin had been rather sniffly and puffy eyed. feeling bad and somewhat guilty, you let jaemin stay over your house to have some takeout with you.

“is that why you didn’t go with your family tonight?” he asked, gulping down his water.

“yeah. i was getting ready and then i just remembered about it. the next thing i knew, i was looking through those pictures and crying... my mom felt bad and didn’t want me to go.” he just nodded in acknowledgment and placed down the cup. it was quiet for a few moments before a text message notification was heard.

“i gotta go. my mom’s wondering where i am.” you walked him to the door and opened it, bidding him a goodbye before he trudged down the street toward his house. just as you shut the door, your mother called you that they were almost home.

packing up the food, and tidying up your room, the jiggling keys caught your attention. it was only about 9:45 and your father walked in, followed by your family, and along came the lee’s. of course.

you scurried up the stairs and kicked the box of memories under your bed just as your father opened the door. you turned to him with your hands folded in front of you and awkwardly smiling.

“pooh! the lee’s are here, come say hi.” you figured your mother hadn’t told your father about the little scene she had witnessed. to be honest, he didn’t know how to react in those kinds of situations so you were kind of glad he was oblivious.

you ushered down the stairs in your easter pajamas and hugged mr and mrs. lee. while hugging them, they said they missed you for dinner and asked what was wrong.

“my stomach hurt a little bit earlier and mom said i could stay home for tonight. i’m glad to see you guys, though!” they cheered and nodded as they looked at their son, motioning— with their eyes— to talk to you.

jeno cleared his throat and greeted you with a small ‘hi’ before jangmi dragged him to her room. everyone remaining sighed and went to the living room while you just walked back up to your room. jangmi’s bedroom was diagonally across from yours and you couldn’t help but to eavesdrop on their conversation.

“jangmi… what would you say if i said that-” you quit listening and shut the door to your room. blowing the baby hairs out of your face,  you looked around your room and was face to face with the guitar sitting in the corner of your room. it was the guitar jeno had bought for your last birthday since you stopped talking. picking up the guitar, you sat back on your bed and grabbed the music sheet from the box, playing the nostalgic tune you and jeno had randomly come up with one day after school.

stepping out of your sisters’ room to go to the bathroom, jeno instantly heard the old song playing in his ears and leaned his head to your closed door. a small smile appeared on his face as he named the notes in his head. his father had come up the stairs and startled jeno, making him move his hand against the elongated doorknob and open your door, causing him to fall back first onto the floor of your bedroom.

you promptly stood up in surprise and your eyes were wide open. was he there the whole time? what was he even doing?

jeno swiftly picked himself off the ground and scratched his head in embarrassment, looking back to his dad who gave him the look. so entering your room and closing the door, you’re met with jeno’s gaze. your heart was pounding and your breathing was heavy, as was his.

tears glossed over your eyes again until he spoke up. “....you still have the music sheet to that?” he refused to look at you.

you gulped and replied, “yeah… i was just, uh, going through some of my old stuff. i found it earlier.” the tension between the two of you was thick and no one wanted to say a word after that.

“uhm.. well, i guess i’ll get going. jangmi’s probably waiting for me.” he was about to leave until he heard your sniffling. he immediately turned around and saw you with your head down and the guitar laying on the floor. he recalled the guitar he bought you for your fifteenth birthday. calmly walking towards your fragile figure, jeno asked what was wrong.

“... you jerk…” you took a deep breath in and looked up at him. “get out of my room… please. jangmi’s waiting…” in that moment, jeno realized that he didn’t want to leave, he wanted to stay with you. so he did the next best thing, walked out, informed your sister in what was going on, quickly walked back to your room and hugged you as tight as he could. maybe your best friend was back.

he just constantly shushed you and held you like you were a piece of glass getting ready to break. one of his hands held your waist and the other held your head against his chest as he swung the two of you back and forth, slowly. jeno just let you cry in his embrace as small tears fell from his eyes as well. the only sounds that filled the room were the sobs that escaped your mouth.

during the time, jangmi had rushed down the stairs to let your parents know what was happening at that very moment. it was a miracle to know that you two were actually close to each other in the same room. you two were true friends, indeed.

the night ended with you drained out and falling asleep against jeno’s chest. just as he and his parents were going to leave, jeno made sure to tuck you in bed and bid you a small goodnight before shutting the lights and leaving with his parents.

—

the following morning— around nine in the morning— you were awoken by the alarm you had set prior. you can feel the puffy of your eyes and instantly remember the night before. you and jeno hugged. you were crying and jeno comforted you. to some degree, there was a small smile on your face as you stretched to get ready for work.

you worked at some pho restaurant— pho-nomenal— downtown and hyuck promised to drop you off even though you were fully capable of driving to work yourself. but he just insisted and said he was going to eat pho with a friend.

“y/n! hyuckie is here!” screamed your sister from downstairs. you replied just as loud saying you were tying up your hair. you said goodbye to your parents and told them you were off work at four.

getting in the car you screamed out what happened last night. donghyuck pretended to be shocked. jeno had  already told him by the time they left your house. and hyuck told him that you were working in the morning and to have some pho before off to a college interview.

checking in, sooyoung had greeted donghyuck and sat him down at an open table. he then proceeded to ask sooyoung to ask you to serve for his table. did you mention that sooyoung had a teensy crush on said boy?

she was a little upset but you two were best friends so she just nodded and went to the back to say you had company.

“hyuck, what do you want? why didn’t you let sooyoung serve you today?” you whined while placing down two menus and a buzzer on the table. “because i want you to,” he shrugged and looked past your figure to see jeno walk through the doors. looking back to where your friend was looking, you directly saw jeno as well. that sneaky little prick.

growling and flipping him off, you walked back to the front desk and grabbed some more menus to serve the other people that filled the restaurant.

coming back to hyuck and jeno’s table, you were unable to look jeno in the eyes as he ordered first. when he was finished, you glared at hyuck as he hid his laughter behind the menu. going to the back room, you called out the order and clipped it onto the board and walked back out to stand in front of the main desk. the restaurant wasn’t that busy in the morning so you and your coworkers stood at the front ready to greet other customers and get the meals prepared.

when their food was ready, you rang the buzzer and up came lee jeno. you were going to kill lee donghyuck.

sooyoung and a couple other coworkers were unavailable so you were the only one to give jeno their food.

just as he was about to talk, you gave them their meal and mumbled, “enjoy your food.” it was all too abrupt. but he thanked you and walked down back to the table. both he and donghyuck sighed. you were too stubborn.

“no, hyuck. she’s just scared to be friends with me again. i mean, i would be too if she did that to me. we’ve been best friends since diapers…. sorta… but i still know what kind of person she is,” jeno said, slurping down his noodles and looking at your back as you were preparing some drinks for the other customers. the other boy just shook his head and got ready to take another bite.

once they were finished, and their finished food was taken care of, jeno offered to pay for the meal, just so he could talk to you. as desperate as hyuck was to have the two of you interact, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t happy that jeno was paying just for the sake of your relationship.

“total is $16.83,” you hadn’t even said a complete sentence. sure it made sense but it wasn’t complete; and it broke jeno’s heart that you didn’t want to see him anymore. glancing up, donghyuck gives you a look and you already know what he’s going to text you later. rolling your eyes at him, you give jeno his change back. your hands brushed against each other as you handed back his coins and it made jeno slightly shiver.

the rest of the day was pretty boring. some of the same customers, everyone ordering the same things, the busy back room. as your shift was coming to an end, you got a text from hyuck that jeno and jaemin were coming along to pick you up. just great.

hanging up your apron, you texted your mom that the boys, though you told her only hyuck, was going to pick you up from work and drop you off. you groaned and walked outside after saying your goodbyes to your crew mates.

“hurry up, donghyuck! it’s going to rain, i can hear the thunder,” you nagged while persistently looking around to spot his car. “okay, okay, i’m down the street. hold your horses.”

finally pulling into the parking lot, donghyuck stopped in front of you and you climbed into the back seat next to jaemin. he and you had exchanged phone numbers the previous night and it seemed like he was back to his affectionate self. he greeted you with a hug from the side and showed off his charming smile and pearly whites. you awkwardly hugged him back, not knowing you two were already in this stage of becoming friends again. jeno looked back through the mirror, he was jealous jaemin was working so fast and already making little progress.

“y/n… i forgot to tell you that we’re all staying the night,” hyuck mockingly laughed. “i already told your mom too. jangmi’s excited.” he finished with a teasing wink. oh brother, you mentally rolled your eyes, sighing into the leather seat.

“cheer up y/n! we can catch up..” jaemin’s sentence became less enthusiastic. you just slightly smiled and looked at him, “okay then.” and it was quiet for the rest of the ride.

opening the door, jangmi’s voice is heard from the opposite side yelling at your dad, “dad! y/n, hyuck, jaemin, and jeno are here!” the boys laughed and all took off their shoes before greeting your sister and father.

“pooh! mom’s at the grocery store right now. you’ll have to help her put away the stuff when she comes back,” he informed. you just nodded with a yes and told them to follow you up to your room. then it got you wondering. three boys sleeping over a girls house at the age of eighteen? curse lee donghyuck.

at around 6 p.m. or so, your mother comes through the door and asks for help to bring the groceries in while she’s greeting the three boys.

“hi boys. i’m glad you could stay the night here! and i’m happy you four are friends again.” your eyes shut from embarrassment and told your mom that there was one last gallon of water in the trunk.

after putting the food and whatnot away, you all walked back upstairs and it was silent for a good few moments. “uhm, we have some extra towels and i think i have some toothbrushes in my closet. you guys can just sleep on the inflatable bed, it’s all we have.” jaemin clicked his fingers. “duh, our stuff is in hyuck’s trunk. we packed everything y/n, don’t worry. i mean, besides the bed but you know what i mean.” you chuckled and nodded as they went back outside to get their belongings. however, jeno had asked them to bring up his bag and so it was just the two of you again.

you were playing with your fingers when he said, “...i’m happy you’re letting us in..” you looked up at him and shyly smiled. “it’s the least i could do. we used to be friends so…”

“yeah but i want to change that, y/n. i want us to be best friends again. remember  ‘true friends are never apart. maybe in distance but never in heart’?” his heart hurt and he was physically in pain. as much as you wanted to yell at him that this was all his fault, you didn’t have the guts to. because he’s back and he wants to be friends again.

the night ended with all of you huddled on your bed watching some thriller tv show that hyuck chose. though you weren’t paying attention at all. the four of you talked throughout the night and looked back on all the memories from middle school to freshman year.

“yeah, yeah! remember when we dared y/n to sit next to mark lee? that was gold! i still have those pictures on my phone!” exclaimed jeno while scrolling to the top of his photo album on his phone. your eyes were widened and your face flushed red, remembering the embarrassing moment.

“ugh stop. i didn’t even like mark lee like that,” you said, covering your face in the palms of your hand. mark lee was your senior at the time of that incident. you were fifteen and he was sixteen. your friends and mark all had the same lunch; but being the popular boy he was, mark lee was sitting with his other friends. they were recalling that you had a supposed crush on the boy and when they had the chance, forced you to sit next to him. it was all just humiliating sitting next to someone everyone thought you had a crush on. and you knew mark heard about those rumors going around.

“yeah okay, y/n. keep saying that,” hyuck smirked and rolled his eyes. jaemin was just laughing and having a good time listening to the conversations going on.

around midnight jangmi walked through your door and joined in on some of the joking the boys were doing. “get out jangmi! we’re talking about high school stuff, plus mom’s gonna be mad at you tomorrow,” you scolded, making her stick her tongue out and hug the older boys goodnight. brat.

you don’t remember when, but when you woke up the next morning, the only person who was sleeping was jeno. jaemin and hyuck were awoken an hour prior and they wanted to let the two of you rest since you were both notorious for going to sleep late and waking up late.

it was only ten in the morning but you pushed yourself out of bed to wash your face and brush your teeth. when you walked down the stairs, the aroma of food entered your senses and jaemin avidly greeted you.

“good morning y/n! we were about to wake you and jeno up but since you’re awake, go tell jeno food’s ready.” he turned you around to face the stairs. sighing, you walked up the stairs and back into your room.

carefully shaking jeno, you repeat, “wake up, food’s ready.” being the lazy bum he was, turned the other way then threw a pillow to your face.

“stop bothering me, monkey.” you were in a trace. monkey and bubba; that’s what you two called each other. you stared at his back, but somehow he felt more awake and sort of uncomfortable. shifting around, he turned to you and sat up.

“what’s wrong with you all of a sudden?” he questioned, waving a hand in front of your face. he must have just blabbed that out while he was half conscious and wasn’t paying attention.

“.... eat. my mom, jaem, and hyuck made breakfast,” you mumbled and walked out the door and down the stairs. from then on he wondered what had gotten into you. but while he was getting ready he remembered what he had said. monkey, the nickname he gave you when you were both eleven. jeno then wondered what would happen if he continued to call you monkey. would you be all flustered? would you complain and yell at him? or would you call him bubba? he’d hope you’d call him bubba again. he missed your nicknames.

your friends and family all enjoyed breakfast together, and your mother was stoked to have the four of you back before leaving for college. instead of the three musketeers, it was the four musketeers. you, lee jeno, lee donghyuck, and na jaemin.

after breakfast, they left to run their errands or start their schedules for the day.

—

while monday started, you wondered if jaemin and jeno would talk to you. welp, only one way to find out.

driving your way to school, hyuck had texted you where you were.

i’m on my way, just wait omg sent, 7:28 a.m.

parking your car and walking towards the front lobby, the two boys pushed through the row of doors and rushed to you. jaemin, being much more comfortable, hugged you and hyuck joined soon after. jeno was a bit on the slower side, deciding to tone down his excitement.

“ayy look at this cool guy,” jaem turned around and teased jeno as he walked to you with his hands in the pockets of his sweater. the boy just smirked and shook his head.

“morning monkey.” you tensed again, then turned pink since the energetic boys stood confused. “monkey? is that what we’re calling y/n now? because i’m totally up for it!” exclaimed hyuck.

your eyes widened and shouted, “no! you guys are not going to call me monkey. that was just a nickname he used to call me.”

jaemin spoke up, “really? since when? how come we’ve never heard this ‘monkey’ come out of jeno’s lips until right in this moment?” you glared at jeno and responded, “it was just a thing between the two of us. besides, you know i have nicknames for both of you, too.” the two boys just rolled their eyes as jeno smiled and cheered in some sort of victory. you stuck out your tongue and caught up with the salty boys who were a couple feet ahead.

but during the walk to first period, in which mrs. choi wasn’t there again, the trio was greeted by everyone as they looked at you, questioning to themselves why you were hanging out with jeno and jaemin. some even forgot the four of you were a thing, and some just didn’t know.

“woah, y/n hanging with them? nana and jen?!”

“i thought they stopped being friends…?”

“damn. i haven’t seen ‘em together since sophomore year.”

and other variations were heard throughout the halls as you, hyuck, and jeno went to drop off jaemin in mrs. moon’s room before walking to mr. park’s.

right when you three walked through the doors, mr. park playfully sighed and gave you and hyuck a look. then looking at the students whispering and already starting to gossip. oh great.

while loosely paying attention to the teachers lesson, you looked around the room, hyuck doing his work and occasionally looking up, some students— of which were mostly female— looking between you and jeno, and jeno, continuously peering over to you. when you met eye contact, he was quick enough to look away and act as if he was taking notes. was jeno really starting to like you? again?

he would probably never admit it but during eighth and ninth grade years, jeno developed the tiniest, and by tiniest he really had the biggest, crush on you. of course, you never knew, only seeing him as family and one of your bestest and closest friends. but it was all in the past and he kind of figured you never really liked him like that anyway.

you diverted your attention back to the laptop screen and started doing some more research for your language class. but as the seconds ticked by, jeno started to glance at you more and more, especially since he knew you were no longer paying attention to his class.

before you knew it, first class was over and you and hyuck sat at your seats in the same room. jeno just stayed in his seat but tapped the desk to the right of him to signify for you to sit there. sort of uncomfortably, you plopped yourself onto the desk and took out whatever you needed for his class. him and hyuck talked, as usual, but jeno made sure to include you since you were now both on speaking terms.

small smiles and shy laughter. it’s always been who you were, it’s always been one of the reasons why jeno fell for you. the whole school scene was just always too overwhelming for you, much rather being on the quieter side. it probably never seemed like it back in middle school but you were always way too much of a nervous wreck to actually do something bad. you were all bark and no bite.

so when class started, and students started to fill the desks one by one. kyong, a well-known— but basic— popular classmate came walking into the room, planning to sit in her seat, which was next to jeno, whom she subtly liked. but seeing you sit there all of a sudden startled her.

“hi, y/n,” she smiled with flames burning in her eyes. “uh that’s my seat, i’m sorry.”

you looked her in the eyes and apologized, getting ready to pack your things to sit next to hyuck until jeno stopped you from doing so and said, “there’s no assigned seats kyong. just go sit next to…. jihoon,” he pointed across the room. her eyes twitched slightly before smiling again and walking to sit next to the knocked out boy.

throughout the class, jeno and hyuck proceeded with their joking around until mr. park had enough and turned around. giving them the ‘you are a senior in high school’ speech. but to be fair, they were being a biiiit immature.

directly after the bell rang, you went straight to mr. yang’s lab class and sat next to sooyoung, after you said goodbye to jeno and hyuck. immediately explaining your weekend out to her.

“i’m sorry he WHAT?”she whisper-shouted hoping mr. yang wouldn’t hear. unfortunately he did and shushed her before moving onto the next part of the lesson he was teaching. you just made a face and nodded before returning back to your notes, sooyoung still in astonishment.

when ms. jung’s class arrived— which was after mrs. lim’s— you sat right where you had been sitting. but before you walked past him like he wasn’t there, jeno greeted you with a smile. thankfully, you did return it and got yourself situated for that class.

—

once your classes were over, you walked to your car and started the engine before jeno called you on your phone. confused, you picked up.

“hello? why are you calling me?” it sounded a bit rude but you didn’t mean for it to come out like that.

“i just wanted to ask if you left yet. you just speeded out the room and i kinda…. sorta…. need a ride,” he elongated the last part of his sentence. you sighed and replied, “can’t you drive? i know you took your drivers permit. and i know you have a license.”

“my car’s in the shop, getting the tires fixed. hyuck picked me up,” he laughed.

“then didn’t you leave with him?”

“that ass left before i had the chance. please, y/n?” he whined and you could practically hear his pout. roughly, you sighed and breathed out ‘fine.’ it seemed like ever since you were nice to each other again, the little prick had been taking advantage of you. but that wasn’t jeno, right?

just as he shut the passenger seat door, you said that you had to pick up jangmi before dropping him off.

“i’m cool with that. besides, jangmi loves me,” he bragged. you just snorted and rolled your eyes before driving off to her school

when you arrived at her middle school, she peered through the passenger window and straight away, a smile was placed on her lips. she opened the door, “jeno! you’re coming home with us today? where’s aunty?” he just laughed and turned his head to her before answering.

“no. y/n is just dropping me off today, and maybe the rest of this week,” his sentence trailed off as he looked at you, only for you to look back and scowl at him.

“maybe tomorrow. if y/n allows me,” the damn teasing tone in his voice. jangmi looked at you with hopeful eyes through the mirror.

“what? it’s not my house. plus jeno’s probably gonna make me not take him home after school anyways.” you were quite annoyed with the duo. as much as you love them, they were a pain in the ass.

dropping jeno off jangmi asked, “what happened between you two?” you just laughed and responded with a little shake of your head, leaving her confused and complaining that you were a bad sister and a bad friend.

“i am not! you’re just too young,” you teased her again since the age difference between her and you was significant. more so, significant enough.

—

graduation day. thursday, june 14th. the day you would remember forever.

it was the morning of senior graduation. nothing much was going on, just the hectic scene of constant practices and nervousness.

“i cannot believe we’re graduating high school together! first middle school and now this!” clapped jaemin with his cheery smile. all four of you were glad to be together in that moment at that time, together. after the feud, your relationship had been stronger than ever and you were all glad.

your parents had come together the couple previous days in order to plan your surprise graduation party for the four of you. it was to be held at your house, as your mom insisted to your dad, so when you all got home, your friends and families would be there.

prior to you leaving the school auditorium, your parents had treated you to some ice cream money before ushering the four of you to go out and have some celebratory treats so they could prepare the little party.

when you reached your house, it was eerily quiet. their parents had parked a couple streets down to hide the fact that they were all a part of the surprise party. so after you walked through the door, all your friends and family popped out of their hiding places and yelled ‘congratulations!’

every since you and jeno got close again, he started to realize his feelings had been coming back. and this time they came by and hit him like a whole truck. once he knew about the party— because of his loudmouth parents— he knew it then. jeno was going to confess.

but he was scared; as he should be. he was scared to lose the friendship he just gained back, but he was also scared of losing the relationship with jaemin and donghyuck. but it was worth a shot. it was all or nothing. besides, there was a chance your feelings could be reciprocated, right?

so while the sun was setting and the bonfire was getting started, jeno was seated next to you at the swings with no one to bother you. he made sure to tell his plan to hyuck and jaem— and also your beloved family— so they wouldn’t mess it up. but when jeno found the courage to speak up, the bundle of nerves distracted his thought process and he was spitting out stutters.

“hey, bubba. you okay?” your face showed concern which did not help the situation he was in.

“yeah, i’m okay,” he was upset at himself for not having the balls to confess to his first love. will he have enough courage to confess later? only time will figure it out.

looking off to your family, jeno was having a mid-war crisis in his mind. beating himself up for being so quiet all of a sudden. but while the silence followed between you and jeno, you had been having a hell-of-a-ton of questions and statements in your mind as well.

why couldn’t you confess to him already?

man up. it’s just jeno. no matter what happens you two will always stay friends. at least that’s what you hoped.

as the amount of misquotes grew larger, and the purples and pink in the sky turned blue, jaemin and hyuck had gone to the closest supermarket to pick up some s’mores for everyone to enjoy. gathering around the campfire, everyone made their own marshmallow goodness and joked the night away. until the swarming mosquitoes started to bite everyone.

and while the crickets were heard, everyone was in the living room playing your family time games with a twist. but you ended the night with a movie— or two. so as you were busy making the popcorn, your friends and families all crowded jeno and asked if he had confessed yet. awkwardly, jeno declined and admitted that he hadn’t said a word about his feelings to you. your parents had then ushered him to say a little something about his feelings toward you.

mustering up whatever sort of bravery he had, jeno trotted his way to the kitchen where you were preparing the last batch of popcorn for everyone. he leaned his figure to the wall, admiring you for a moment before softly clearing his throat to catch your attention.

just go up to her, dammit. jeno repeated in his head.

“uh— you know, monkey. i uh— we should— i kinda wanna go to the mall and— no we should go to that new seafood restaurant— no no, scratch that…. but can we-” you interrupted his cute rambling before resting your hand on his chest and kissing his cheek.

“i got the message jen,” you laughed. “of course i’d go out with you this weekend.” by the time he walked back to the living room, he was a ball of goo and all eyes were on him; especially your family. just by the look of his face when he came back, they all knew what you had said, and it was affirmative.

—

your first date that next weekend went by perfectly. jeno had ended up taking you to an aquarium and dinner for the evening and it was the best date you’ve ever had. really, it was the only meaningful date but best, nonetheless.

appreciatively, the date you and jeno and went on was not awkward at all. it was just as if you two were just hanging out as friends, but of course, better.

you were just joking along with each other and recalling smaller, more precious memories between the two of you before the conversation got a little more serious.

“i got accepted into yonsei university!” he exclaimed, not knowing you had also applied to the university and got accepted a few days prior.

“congratulations bubba! i got accepted too!” he cheered at you and gripped your hand in affirmation and proudness.

now you knew. maybe you two were truly meant to be.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

a brand new start.

august 29th. first day of the new semester of a new year, a whole mouthful.

the major you had chosen for your path at yonsei was interior architecture. jeno was majoring in computer software and media applications.

luckily, you and jeno had classes about the same times on the same days so you each had time to briefly see each other on campus or meet up while you’re both free. it was a little hard to adapt at first, but you two were champs and still even had time to meet up with hyuck and even sooyoung— who both went to hanyang university— and jaemin— who attended hongik university.

“monkey!” yelled jeno who was about ten feet in front of you. your class had just ended and you were just walking around the entrance of jeno’s building, waiting for him.

“sorry i was late. professor oh kept us back,” he scratched the back of his head. only for you to shake your head and give him a ‘no worries’ smile. it was a thursday and you and jeno had some sports meetings right after class. once again, with the same schedule. it wasn’t a bad thing, not at all. but there were times where you wished you never hung out so much. even so, you loved jeno— in fact, you were the first to pull the ‘i love you’ card a few weeks back.

walking to the campus gymnasium, the both of you get changed into athleisure attire and separated ways, jeno to the field and you just a couple of walks to the gymnasium. you had been playing volleyball to stay fit and to find a hobby while living the college life. jeno, to much surprise, continued to pursue football during his college years, so as to stay fit and to keep his passion of playing football alive.

“i’ll see you later, monkey. we have community service later, yeah?” he asked while greeting some of his teammates. you nodded and waved to your girls before jeno smiled lovingly at you and held your chin in his hand to peck your lips. teasingly, he winked and walked to where the boys went out. shaking your head at him playfully, you walked into the gym to start with some stretches and warmups.

apparently you were the best woman on the volleyball team so the girls immediately nominated you as team captain. discussing about the plans your coach had given you prior, the girls stopped chatting and got straight to practice. chanmi was one of your peers on the team who was seemingly jealous of you; of which you did not know she was, but it was better for her to know rather than for you. you had just thought that she didn’t like you, like, at all.

“ugh i don’t understand why y/n is team captain. it’s not fair,” she complained to her friend one morning. you were on an early coffee run for you and jeno when you heard her familiar ringing voice. following them from a distance, chanmi just continued to talk bad about you which made you sad realizing that she didn’t like you.

“plus she gets lee jeno. i heard he’s the best on the football team,” she whined again, “and he’s the hottest, no doubt.” her friend agreed before gushing over your boyfriend when he appeared behind you, covering your eyes and making you guess who. rolling your eyes you turned around and gave him his drink before walking to class together. the two of you had literature together— with chanmi— and it seemed she hated you even more, especially after you walked in the room with jeno’s hand around your waist, standing impossibly closer to you. but it wasn’t your fault his hand was there anyways.

ever since that day, all you received from her was snarky remarks and burning glares. and she almost never complied to you or your requests which was why the coach was having thoughts about kicking her off the team.

when your volleyball practice was over, you quickly refreshed yourself and gathered your things to walk to the football field to watch jeno finish his practice.

sitting on the bleachers, however, was chanmi— who coincidentally was jaemin’s cousin— and her little friend vigorously cheering for the boys. about five minutes passed before jeno walked to you and downing his water, saying that today’s practice was going to be a little longer than usual so you both might be late to the tutor sessions you planned to help some of the younger kids.

“it’s okay, bub. i’ll just stay here and go over some notes. i have an exam tomorrow,” you explained and looked up at him with squinted eyes. he looked around before looking back at you, catching chanmi’s attention before saying, “okay. don’t overwork that brain of yours,” he laughed as he skittishly poked your head.

“also, do you have an extra water bottle? i need it desperately, coach is working us extra hard today for some reason.” you nodded and fished out your metal water bottle to give to him. “thanks, monkey,” he kissed your temple and returned to the field where everyone was waiting.

enviously, chanmi watched the scene with her eyes and she felt as though she wanted to barf; oh how desperately she wanted to be in your place, though. it seemed as if you and jeno had the perfect relationship. of course there were the doubts but you and jeno managed to pull through and you’re as strong as ever. in which chanmi daydreamed about her perfect relationship, somehow throwing jeno into the mix. “the perfect man,” as she called him.

during the beginning of the year, when chanmi first found out about her fellow peers, some more than most, she was instantly interested in you and jeno. the constant questions of ‘are they friends?’ or ‘are they actually a couple?’ flowed throughout your classmates' mouths and you and jeno had proven to them that you were in a relationship, and very serious about it.

she sat closer to where you were sitting near the front of the bleachers.

“hi, captain!” she said enthusiastically. you were puzzled as to why she was talking to you out of the blue after the constant bashes of attitude. she was, what nineteen, the least she could do was act more mature, right? genuinely, you smiled and greeted her before striking a small conversation.

“chanmi! where’s your friend?” you asked and turned to meet her figure. toxically, she smiled and pointed in the direction of her previous seat. you’d been talking for a few minutes when the blow of a whistle stops her mid-sentence. hearing the shouting of the football coach, her pulse accelerated as she saw jeno coming closer and closer. with hopeful eyes, she hears nothing of your next words as she is solely paying attention to lee jeno.

almost movie-like, her vision slows as she drools over the boy who is running to where you two were seated.

“hey monkey!” he cheerily said before sitting to your right to collect his things to put back in his bag. “.... chanmi..”

she dreamily sighed and waved jeno a hi, but her daze came to a stop when she saw him caress your cheek with his hand and sweetly smiling at you. evidently, chanmi had completely focused her attention on jeno as she had stars in her eyes. subconsciously feeling a stare, jeno looked to where chanmi was and of course, she was already looking at him with star struck eyes. but obviously, her gazing made him feel uncomfortable and uneasy. she looked at him like how you looked at him; pure love and ecstasy. he scoffed to himself and grabbed your hand to pull you away from the girl.

“hey, hey! what was that all about,” you whined as he continued to pull you to the parking lot where his car was parked. throwing his bag in the backseat, jeno’s grip was still just as firm, preventing you from climbing into the passenger side. just as you were about to protest again, he turned around, wrapped his arms around your waist and hid his head in your neck, taking in your natural scent while nuzzling his nose against your collarbone. in disarray, you enveloped your arms around jeno’s neck and played with the hairs on the nape of his neck.

“what’s wrong, bub?” you softly said as he then lifted his head from your neck and gently rubbed his nose against yours. he shook his head and continued to hold you in his embrace. but jeno was a horrible liar, and you knew he wasn’t telling the truth.

you both never ended up going to that tutoring session for the community service opportunity. jeno had been consistently whining on how he wanted to just lay in bed with you and rest for the weekend. and you simply couldn’t refuse his cute ass.

before you could do anything else, jeno pushed through the front door of your apartment and made you lay on the couch for him to rest on you. his body stuck like a koala against yours as his head laid on your chest and his arms were once again enclosed around you.

his behavior was off the roof that day and you were perplexed by his actions. something was off with him.

and you were right; something was off with him. na chanmi was jaemin’s distant cousin— maybe third or fourth— but ever since he met na chanmi, which was almost two years prior, she appeared to be utterly in love with jeno, barely even knowing who he was. providentially, he never really saw chanmi around long enough for him to catch feelings for her, but she was always so damn sure she attracted jeno in some type of way.

chanmi had this sense of weary aura around her presence and it always made jeno feel twitchy when it came to her which was why he acted like that.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

it was finally senior year of university. fortunately, after everything you and jeno have been through, your relationship was healthy, and there wasn’t much more you could ask for. you even ended up moving in together in the same apartment during your junior year. everything was going to be perfect.

yeah, that’s what you both thought.

—

“where were you, y/n?” jeno asked right when he heard the front door open.

it was a friday night and you were out with sooyoung and a couple other friends to study and hang out at a local diner. you didn’t text jeno where you were but to be fair, you did try calling him three times before giving up and enjoying lost time with your friends for the night. unluckily for you, jeno had flooded you with nonstop phone calls almost ten minutes after you stopped trying to reach out and tell him what you were doing for the night. time really does fly by.

“i’ve been calling you for the past hour and you haven’t responded to me once. where the hell were you?” you knew he tried to remain calm and mature but you’ve known jeno long enough to know that he was enraged; the glint of anger reflected in his eyes and you knew you were in trouble.

the relationship you’ve had the past couple of months were not the greatest. these were one of the occasions that balls of fire were thrown at each other. accusations and yelling one after another only to make up the next morning.

but something just wasn’t sitting right that night with jeno.

“where were you and who were you with?” he stated again, hands rested on his hips. you sighed, trying to calm down the situation.

“i was with sooyoung and mark tonight.”

“then why didn’t you reply to my calls?” he was really starting to get mad.

“i called you thrice but gave up since you didn’t answer,” you said while walking to your shared bedroom to get ready to shower.

“that doesn’t explain why you didn’t pick up!” he bursted out. and to be honest, you don’t think you’ve seen or heard jeno this mad at you before. something in you just clicked.

you scoffed to yourself and rolled your eyes, “you need to chill! i didn’t do anything wrong, i don’t know why you’re making me the bad guy! we were just hanging out.” but it was too late. jeno was furious, for maybe no reason. or maybe he did have a reason.

though you denied liking mark lee back in middle school and the beginning of high school, jeno was the only person you told about your little crush on the boy. mark lee was the sweetest person ever; caring, thoughtful, and cute. who didn’t have a crush on him?

little did you know, jeno always felt jealous whenever you gushed about the boy. and maybe that was what was going through his mind right now.

but nothing happened, sooyoung and mark were close friends and she offered for you to hang out with them, of course you had to accept their request. you missed them.

however jeno just dashed out of the room, throwing his phone to the ground making the loudest noise. you really fucked up. but you didn’t, jeno was in the wrong, so you tried to convince yourself. but you were too nice to admit that it was entirely his fault. because you still loved him dearly, though the months have been going downhill. you just shook your head and showered.

we’ll be okay in the morning. or so you hoped.

when you got out of the shower, you were wrapped in your towel when you saw jeno sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. he was fuming mad at this point and wanted you to leave.

“you need to leave,” he blatantly said without looking your way. the sound of your bare feet padding the floor stopped. you were speechless. this was the first time he’s kicked you out. but you paid half the rent so you said no.

“it’s not a question, y/n. i need you to get out, we need time off.” you were taken aback by his words. what a dickhead.

“uhm, i don’t know if you’re aware of this but i pay half the rent and half of these damn bills, there’s no way i’m getting out of this house. if anything you should leave…. at least stay in the guest bedroom,” you added. when jeno looked up and finally met your soft brown eyes, the only thing you could see in his was pure anger. it made you hiccup a sob.

staring at him for what seemed like forever, you blink away the tears that accumulated in your eyes and packed everything you could.

“lee jeno you will never be a real man. you’re still the pussy i knew you were,” you dryly laughed and slammed the front door as hard as you could. you stuffed all your shit into your car and called your mom.

“we broke up.”

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

by the time you reached your parents house, you called sooyoung and haechan, informing them about the dramatic scene that happened just moments ago.

you didn’t even know how long but when you reached your parents house it was almost one in the morning. thankfully, your mother was still awake, concerned for her crying child.

knocking on the wood door, it opened immediately and your mother embraced you in her welcoming hug that felt like home.

you weren’t able to sleep that night. thinking about your relationship with lee jeno. from when you two were in diapers to when he stopped being friends with you to getting into the relationship to now. it was all a roller coaster that you did not want to go on anymore.

it was funny, your mother tucked you in your bed that night, telling you to just rest and try your hardest to not think of him.

rising against your bed that following morning, you looked like a train wreck. puffy eyes, swollen face, chapped lips. and it’s about at nine in the morning when you get a facetime call. deep inside you wished it was jeno apologising to you but it was just hyuck and jaem.

looking at you, the boys show so much sympathy and sadness through their faces, having almost similar expressions.

“y/n, we’ll pick you up today then, yeah? we can go in jaemin’s car and we’ll pick up sooyoung and mark too, okay?” says donghyuck once he heard a sob escape your lips. you nod, nonetheless, ending the phone call and getting ready to look presentable to the public.

—

luckily for you, the two boys pick up the rest of your things from jeno’s before coming to get you and the rest of their friends.

they help you put your things away in your room and hug you with so much love. in that moment, you were have to have friends like them.

“let’s go get sooyoung and mark. i wanna go to the amusement park.” they obliged to your request and the three of you walked out of your house after bidding your parents goodbye. everyone in your family was concerned about your well-being but you said you were fine and going to heal yourself with your friends.

when mark and sooyoung are in the car, the pair immediately hug you as tight as they could while sooyoung cursed at lee jeno for breaking your heart once more.

“i swear i will kick his ass. i don’t care how strong he is, bitch i will kick his ass all the way to fucking jupiter,” you laughed at sooyoung, she seemed more upset at your breakup than you were. but everyone laughed and agreed that they would all tag team and best jeno’s ass so hard that he can’t even remember your name.

the day was spent better than you had thought, you five stayed on the bay walk until dusk. then you went out to get some korean barbecue and ice cream, all their treats to make you feel better about yourself.

your friends and family really helped you get over your relationship with jeno. however, of course your mothers continued to talk and gossip about your relationship.

“they’re really doing this again? jeno didn’t even tell me yet. i’ll make sure he gets his ass beat by both me and minjung,” his mother says while on speaker, courtesy of your mother cleaning the dishes in the kitchen. she hummed and spotted you hiding behind the wall. you’d been listening to their conversation the second your mother called out mrs. lee’s name.

noticing your mother stare, you whined at her, “mom can you at least be a little more discreet when you’re talking about us?”

“we just wanted to catch up. you know, mrs. lee hasn’t seen jeno since your breakup— didn’t even know you two broke up.” you pursed your lips into a straight line before sitting on a stool. “don’t you think you guys will ever make up again? it’s happened once after constant pushing.”

you scoffed and rolled your eyes, taking a bit out of an apple from the fruit bowl.

“he’s a jerk, mom. it’s complicated.”

but just then, you heard jeno’s baritone voice through the speaker of your mothers phone.

“she’s fake, mom. it’s complicated—” but before you could hear anything else the jackass had to say, you mother hung up.

you sighed out of annoyance and walked to jangmi’s room. she was supposed to start her new job today.

“jangmi, are you ready? i need to work soon too,” you shouted through her door while listening to her rummaging through her room before opening the door.

“yeah i’m ready. let’s go,” she took your hand and dragged you down the stairs. saying bye to your mother she slipped on her shoes and walked out the doors, waiting by the passenger side of your car.

jangmi got a job at some aesthetically pleasing library in town and she was excited to get the job.

you stopped and parked the car before she opened the car door. however you stopped her before she could even set one foot out.

at this point, you and jeno had been broken up for three months. but seeing jeno with chanmi— who is laughing and hitting his arm playfully— your heart breaks more, albeit holding jangmi’s arm a little too tightly. once she looked in the direction of your face, she immediately knew you had a reason.

“y/n, you’re hurting me,” her voice snapped you out of the trance you were in and you apologized and asked her if jeno and chanmi go into the library. it seemed like they were going inside. she shot an ‘okay’ sign and finally got out of the car.

if jeno was being honest, he got over your break up fairly quickly and got back into the dating jazz almost two months after. well, more like he got heavily intoxicated with alcohol and had a one night stand with chanmi. he didn’t know how or why, neither does he know now.

you drove away to an empty parking lot and frantically fish out your phone in your pocket to dial jaemin.

“nana… is chanmi and jeno, like… a thing?” jaemin found out that they were seeing each other— whether romantically or not— about two weeks prior, but he didn’t have the heart to break it to you.

the boy sighed through the phone and admitted that they have been seeing each other for about a month and a half now. but he made sure to quickly say that he just found out and didn’t know how to break the news to you. because as fine as you claimed you were, jaemin knows you more than anything, and he knows you’re still affected.

“it’s okay jaem. we can see other people, it’ll be fine,” you reassured him as you heard the worry in his voice. but even through your voice, he knew you still weren’t okay, so he drove to your house after you ended the call.

you just wanted to sit alone in your bedroom binging horrifically bad tv shows while eating to your heart's content.

but a knock on your door prevented you from doing anything you planned for the rest of spring vacation. because those thoughts filled you through the three months prior.

it was your four bestest friends, and you would trade anything to be with them; even jeno.

they didn’t end up leaving until three in the morning. making sure you were fine and didn’t have a worry about lee jeno. and it helped, for the most part.

—

when returning to campus, you immediately sensed jeno and directed your gaze to something else. however, jeno had a few things up his sleeve and wrapped his large hand around your wrist. you struggled for a moment and threatened to shout out ‘stranger danger’ though it was more immature than you thought it was so you opted to not say anything.

he roughly pushed you against a hidden wall and shoved his face in the junction of your neck and shoulders. tears.

this might’ve been your second or third time watching, experiencing jeno cry actual tears. whether in sadness or frustration. you tried to pry him off of you.

“jen, i have class. what are you doing?” you struggled in his strong grip around your waist. jeno was crying up a storm but was still glad to hear a nickname of his come out of your mouth.

after moments of seeming hours, the man slowly lifted his head from your now wet neck. you stared in his eyes and you never saw the look of pure pain in his eyes. slowly, jeno rubbed his strong nose against yours, leaning your foreheads against each other. he then released his secure grip from your torso and gently cupped your face, his fingers ever-so-softly wiping the tears you didn’t even know escaped your eyes.

that moment was all a blur and neither of you attended your classes that day.

now here you were, sitting across him, across the island that stood in the middle of the kitchen. the apartment still looked the same as when you left, besides the unclean dishes piling in the sink and crooked frames. from that previous scene to now, not a single chirp leaves your mouths. it was dead silent. until he rubs his tired face, jeno is the first to speak up.

“monkey… bubba,” he started, unable to look at you in your eyes, scared to look at your reaction as he planned out his next words carefully. but at this point you figured you knew what he was going to say. because like you said before, jeno is not a man. though he may look and feel like one, he never will be if he keeps up his immature behavior. mentally, lee jeno is not a man, at least not in your eyes. and maybe he never will be, but you’re one to know.

your eyes were emotionless and cold as you looked at his bowed head. the intensity of the room was rising by the minute as he paused on his words.

it seems as though now, jeno is broken. as broken as you were when you broke up. it’s what he deserves. you don’t feel a thing as he continued to shed his tears quietly. but one look and it’s done for.

you don’t know when and you don’t know how, but you ended up on the couch with his puffy face lying on your chest. hesitantly, the pads of your fingers traced his sculpted face as he rests after his crying session.

but why were you doing this? he’s a jackass

hm, he may be a complete asshat but he’s still your best friend over everything. so you push aside all your thoughts and only think about your middle school relationship.

‘true friends are never apart. maybe in distance but never in heart.’

you don’t know whether it’s your best friend jeno calling you or your boyfriend jeno calling you, but you hope it was best friend jeno. because it was a way simpler time then and he was always there when you needed him most.

carefully, you lifted your body and looked at the blaring red digital clock sitting on the desk. it was seven in the evening and you had to return home. well, pick up your car from the parking lot and then go home.

feeling you moving, jeno held you closer, squishing his cheek against your décolletage. as much as you did not want to see him, jeno was still as cute as ever. if he wanted to try again, maybe you’d consider.

to hell, you are not going to consider it. you need to go home.

“jen… jen…” you whispered, shaking his body as he maneuvered his head so his nose is tickling your neck. you actually debated on slapping the shit out of him to wake him up. it’s what he deserves. so you do. not too hard but enough to wake him up and hold his left cheek.

“ow!” he whined and rubbed his eyes. what a child.

“jen i need to go home.” only causing him to pout and holding you close to refuse you to leave.

“we’re done, jen. i need to go, i have stuff to do. plus we missed class today.” he whined even more.

“stay with me. we’ll go to class tomorrow,” he mumbled through your neck. but now you were starting to get aggravated.

“lee jeno. this is absurd! you want to constantly make accusations of me cheating with mark, break up with me, and now you want me to stay? all this in four and a half months? you must be out of your goddamn mind. there’s no way in hell i’m going to stay here tonight. we can be friends, yeah, because we’ve known each other our entire lives. but if you think i’m going to get back with you, especially now, you’re fucking crazy,” you breached with tears of frustration in your eyes, “plus i thought you and chanmi were a thing. i saw you two a few weeks ago when i dropped off jangmi at work.”

but the man— or boy— stayed silent. the only noise of the passing cars filling it. tension was high as jeno looked at you with the most lost puppy eyes. but he agreed with you in his mind, he was a little immature. okay, he had to admit that he was very immature, and still is. maybe he just doesn’t know how to work relationships.

no more than three moments later he opened his mouth, only for you to talk again. but in a more calmed voice, “listen, just take me home. i don’t wanna be here right now.” you felt suffocated by the apartment you used to call home. you felt suffocated by the person, you used to call home. but right now you couldn’t make up complete thoughts. it was too overbearing and all you wanted to do was shower and sleep.

without a word, jeno rubbed his eyes and picked up his keys, signaling you to go outside. you released your temper and walked out a minute after he did and got into his car. it was his fault he would not let you go.

he dropped you off with zero words spoken on the twelve minute drive to your parents house. quickly, you muttered a ‘thank you’ and dashed out of his car and to your front door, breathing out whatever breath you were holding.

jeno made sure to leave once he knew you were inside safe. and once you opened the door, questions bombarded you.

‘where were you?’

‘who was that?’

‘why are you home so late?’

but you just shook your head and told your family that you were tired and wanted to shower and rest. leaving you alone was the least they could do.

the hot water was hitting your skin as you stood there, thinking about him. what was going on with him? why is he acting like that all of a sudden? you don’t know. but all you knew was that you needed some time away. to think and to compose yourself.

—

your dad dropped you off at university that morning. the questions that were unanswered that previous night were still left hanging from his mouth. yet you still didn’t answer the questions, you couldn’t.

thanking and saying goodbye to your dad, you got out of his car to walk into yours to mentally prepare yourself for the day. there was still about thirty minutes before your first class and you wanted to use that time to think about possible scenarios that could happen. you just hoped they don’t ever happen.

continuously, you rubbed your face as you fidgeted in your seat and stared out onto campus. taking deep breaths, you finally walked out of the car and made sure to lock it. walking to the literature building, you spotted jeno with a couple of his football friends on the courtyard. and before you met contact, you whipped your head into the direction of the literature building.

jeno sighed to himself and knew he fucked up. big time.

instead of going up to you, he thought to himself that he should leave you alone. he was being bipolar and he didn’t want to overwhelm you and your feelings even more. as much as he was suffering alone, he would stay away from you, but observe you carefully.

you actually had a volleyball game later that day— the last game of the season— and chanmi had asked him if she would watch her. without hesitating, jeno agreed to come but mostly just to see you, but he’d obviously keep that to himself. so once your classes were over, you walked to the gymnasium and into the girls locker room to change. by the time you exited the locker room, people filled the side bleachers and watched the girls (both from your team and the opponents) practice bumping the ball to each other. the opposing team was on the opposite side of the gym to practice while you were on the other. unluckily, your team was practicing on the opening side of the gymnasium and that was when you caught a glimpse of jeno. you looked at him for a brief moment and almost missed a teammates bump when chanmi had run up to greet the guy.

some of his football teammates were actually already sitting on the front of the bleachers and admiring the girls that were hitting the ball with their spandex shorts. jeno hugged chanmi because even when he said they weren’t close, they had gotten closer over the five months after your breakup. but your attention was then reverted to your friends. jaemin, hyuck, mark, and sooyoung had come to cheer on your team for moral support. since jeno wasn’t there to be by your side anymore.

“y/n, you can do this. we know you can! and even if you guys don’t end up making it, this is all for fun and we’ll treat you out for ice cream tonight. all on us. good luck!”

soon the referee blew the whistle indicating the five minute mark. there were five minutes before the final game of the season, and the final game of volleyball you’d ever play for your university. the last game was a home game so you were the first to actually serve the ball. as close as it was, the ball was bumped by a girl of the away team and the game actually started.

time was ticking, and there were only ten minutes left before halftime and the third set of the game. so far, your team was up by eight points. six. four. the bell of halftime filled the gym as the girls on each of the teams walked to their respective sides to have a team talk and rest.

“come on ladies, this is the last game. we’re ahead by four points. we can make it through the last set and win this tournament. it’s the last game of the season, good luck!” encouraged your coach as the rest of the girls discussed who was going to the field first.

“y/n, lia, chanmi, kana, areum, and sohee— you girls are up first. y/n is serving again.”

so far, your team had one the first two sets, and the pressure was up for the last set. you needed to win this. you did not care if this was for a hobby of yours. some of those girls were not so nice while you walked to the gym, giving you the side eye. you just felt like you had to win this game. not for your teammates nor for your friends. not even for jeno. but more for yourself and your pride.

three minutes were on the clock and they were up by two points and you just needed to get at least four points ahead to win the game. you never faltered your serves that set, no one else served besides you and when it was time to switch members, your coach always needed you in. you were bouncing the ball on the floor, getting ready to serve as best as you could. throwing the ball in the air, you swung your arms and for sure, the ball was hit over the net. game start.

the whistle was blown, two points given to your team. the scores were tied now and all you needed to do was gain at least two more points to win. the ball dribbled on the floor in front of you and you then served the ball, hitting it with all the strategies you accumulated throughout the years. the girls immediately missed the ball and the score was down to you again. there were now forty seconds left, as you served the ball again and the girls missed the ball. the pressure was all on them and they couldn’t get over the fact that they were losing.

“we won!” screamed your teammates as you rested yourself on your knees, taking deep breaths. your four friends ran up to you worried and helped you sit down to rest.

“y/n, you were working yourself too much during the last game. why did you not go back? you could’ve watched,” said sooyoung while she was rubbing your back. jaemin was giving you water and rubbing the sides of your arm while mark was massaging your shoulder and hyuck was sitting by your legs.

“take it easy for now. you bid the opposite team good game,” hyuck rubbed your thigh. you sighed and got out of the seat you were in to meet up with your teammates. you all stand in a line and high-fived the opposing team before you got your bag and sat back down with your friends.

“let’s go get ice cream now,” you tiredly said and slumped the strap over your shoulder.

“uhm, before we go… i dropped off chanmi here so she might need to go with us,” jaemin scratched the nape of his neck. you all shook your heads in a ‘no problem’ and he walked up to his cousin to tell her his plans for the rest of the day.

“oh it’s okay jaem. i was going to ride with jeno, is it okay if we came along?” she asked while looking behind her to see his muscular figure talking to a few of his friends. jaemin kept his composure, though, and did the mature thing. he just accepted her request and walked back to his group of friends to tell them about the situation.

when he did, all eyes were on you with worry in your eyes. by this time, you were feeling a lot better than what you were feeling before and laughed at them.

“guys, i’ll be fine. we’re not together anymore, he can do whatever he wants.” though deep inside, you were really going to shit your pants because of the circumstances that happened the day prior. but it was better for them not to know, at least not yet.

in your car seated sooyoung and hyuck. you were on your way to a regular ice cream parlor which a friend worked at.

“renjun!” shouted you, jaemin and hyuck. renjun worked at this ice cream parlor for a while, you got to know him by coming here on the regular, especially during nights when you were stressed over exams or when you and jeno were having problems. therefore the guy was actually a pretty good friend of yours. renjun was a transferee at hyuck and jaemin’s university, they got to know each other then. they developed a pretty good relationship with each other too, you could tell with the way they conversed with each other.

you were laughing and joking around with renjun and your shared friends as you sat on the matching chairs of the countertop. the red reflecting in jeno’s eyes as he watched you joke with your friends and completely ignoring him and chanmi who were seated at a booth not far from where the group was. but he decided to keep quiet and try to pay attention to chanmi, she was just trying to have a good time and he didn’t blame her. but he just couldn’t help but to keep looking back at his old group of friends that all got along so well.

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

it was now the last football game of the season; thursday 6 p.m. jaemin and hyuck had begged you to go after you constantly refusing and excusing that you had ‘fuckton of homework.’ they both came to your house and rang the doorbell anyways, forcing you to get ready and dragging you to the car.

“come on, jeno still talks about you. The both of you are still friends, no?” questioned jaemin. it took you a while to answer him but you guessed that was what you could call yours and jeno’s relationship as of now.

the three of you arrived on the field and sat on the bleachers right above jeno’s team. just fucking great, you rolled your eyes and mentally punched both jaemin and hyuck where they did not want to be punched. with burning eyes, you glared at your friends and wished to get away from that situation. you sat fidgeting on the metal seats and looked down. there were still a few minutes before the big game and you saw chanmi hug jeno before kissing his cheek and wishing him good luck. the boys then looked to you— who was sitting in between them— and asked if you were okay.

“i’m definitely okay. i’m so okay… listen, i don’t know why you guys are so caught up between jneo and i. it’s our relationship and if he moved on then good for him,” the sarcasm was dripping from your voice. but they picked up on the bitter tone that dripped out of your lips.

you focused back on the field. and you don’t know whether it was the chilly wind or your feelings overcoming you, but there were tears in your eyes almost the entire game. not a word was spoken between the three of you. the boys were still friends with jeno so you broke the silence and excused yourself to go to the bathroom. however in the hall, stood jeno with his hands covering his face.

you were his best friend over everything so of course he noticed you were there. he was happy you ended up going after the begs of hyuck and jaemin, after begging his friends to ask you.

“hi, jen,” your soft voice interrupted his lonely session. he smiled at you and greeted you as well.

“so, uhm, how’ve you been? it’s kinda been a while, yeah?” you asked, initiating the conversation. his eyes are lit up, “i’ve been good, you? and yeah it has been a while, i hope you’re doing okay.” the conversation was more civil than you thought it would be, but it wasn’t bad, of course. better than what you imagined your next conversation would be.

“minjung’s been wondering what you’ve been up to. she misses you tons.” you laughed and thought about his beloved older sister. “jangmi misses you too. so does my dad.” the atmosphere was awkwardly quiet for a moment before you heard the whistle from the ref. you then patted his shoulder and wished him good luck before actually going to the bathroom.

your university football team won that night. and you were immensely proud of jeno. he truly was blooming into a man, especially after the conversation the two of you had. he was growing as a person, and you were happy he was. you’ve known him all his life, you knew he was changing, and for the better.

—

“true friends are never apart. maybe in distance but never in heart,” the two of you recited while looking through memory books from who knows how long. you almost lost your best friend because of stupid feelings, but you both learned and grew from them. it was all for the better and you are both glad to still be best friends.

“jeno’s just a friend, mom. it’s simple.”

“y/n’s just a friend mom. it’s simple.”

“we’re best friends. nothing more, nothing less.”

[soulwillower]

long way home • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)

requested:  please please please do a richie x reader about long way home by 5sos

warnings: nothing really, some mentions of canonic trauma but its really vague and underaged drinking

i was happy to write this bc it def got me out of my slump! lmk if yall want more fics

(also i loved 5sos so much back when the self titled album came out in like 2014. i was such a huge fan in middle school so this was so nostalgic to write!!) 

[reader + losers are in their first year of college, set around early summer 1995.]

2.9k words

♡

"i don't really know what else to do. we have an hour and a half until we meet everyone." you say, breaking the momentary silence that had fallen upon the car after bev had climbed out the back. you hum, settling back against the passenger seat, head lulling to meet richie's gaze.

 you can't help but smile. he's looking at you - just staring, fingers drumming against the steering wheel. he hums, too, turning his head, arm grabbing the shoulder of your seat as he backs up the car. "i have an idea. let's just go - what?" he asks, smiling with a chuckle as he catches you staring at him.

you blink as you flush, "i don't know. just really missed you." you say with a laugh, shaking your head as memories flood your mind. his face flickers for a second and he shakes his head, hair bouncing slightly in his flattery. "gee, i missed you too. it kinda sucks that we all went to opposite sides of the country." 

you blow air from your lips gently in agreement as richie starts to drive somewhere east. "yeah. not seeing you for six months is, surprisingly, pretty shitty." you say, causing richie to snort. "you could barely handle it." he says, hand shifting gears as he stops at a stop sign. 

you roll your eyes, but you don't tell him the truth: he's right. "let me tell you, when i got the bear last, i sure wanted to forget all about you." you say, kicking your feet up on his dash. 

you and the other losers all split ways after graduation. of course, you all still kept in touch with phone calls, letters, and that of the sort. but you all had found a favorite way to all still feel close together: a toy canvas bear bev found that you all signed and drew on, shipping it around the country and letting it stay with each person for a week. 

you'd all been printing photographs of the bear with yourselves at various places around all your campuses and sending them along with the bear as little post cards. the most recent from richie had the tattooed-bear propped next to him at a party, smirking with the bear in a vulgar position that had made you roll your eyes so hard you almost got a headache.

 that was in april, and you spent the month and a half after that missing richie and your other dumbass friends so much it hurt. 

richie smiles, "oh, yeah. that bear had some fun times with us up in the ol' N-Y-C."  "-don't call it that."  "-anyways, i did miss you guys, i wish you could meet my roommate, charlie, he's a hoot. i almost wanted to stay up there and have you come to me, y'know?"  you nod, all too familiar with that feeling. "yeah, i wanted to do that too. there was some kind of-" you stop, frowning. do you really want to admit this to anyone? will they think it's weird? but then you remember it's richie. "-i don't know, some kind of dread i felt at having to come back here." 

it's quiet for a second, and you think you said something wrong, but richie's knuckles tighten slightly and he nods, "me too. i have...bad feelings from this place. i didn't want to say anything, but- i don't know. i feel like something's..." but the thought seems to swim away from his voice, getting lost in the dredges of his brain.  

and then as if on cue, the old car bumps its way over a speedbump and you cross past old neibolt street near the tracks. 

 a sick shiver runs down your spine as your eyes fall on the long road, fading away and extending as far as your eye can see...almost into a foggy dark haze, the train tracks running parallel making you feel desolate. 

clouds suddenly move to cover the sun in the sky and you feel cold - you feel like something happened here, something important - but you have no idea. it makes you anxious, so you just swallow, saying nothing and instead looking ahead. richie does the same, and his knuckles are pale against the wheel. 

"the only reason i came back was so i could see everyone." you say. it's quiet, but you know richie's agreeing with you. 

the car rumbles on, eventually pulling past your old high school. you perk up, pointing to the glass and laughing. "wow, look at that shithole." 

"swore we'd never go back there, didn't we? when we left?" richie says, amusement lacing his tone. you're clearly both relieved to have changed the subject, and you nod, chewing your lip. "yeah. you know, i know it was really terrible and stuff, but i have some pretty fond memories from that place." 

humming, richie nods and slowly pulls into the parking lot. “remember those days?” he says, “kickin back in the ol’ schoolyard during lunch.” 

you do remember those hot days, richie, bill and bev smoking cigs while you and eddie play a game of marbles or scramble to copy richie’s math homework. ben reading a book, mike eating stan’s sandwich. the heat barreling down on the eight of you... 

he stops the car next to the football field and you snort slightly at its misery in the dying purple and blue of the summer twilight. "remember those bonfires that were always over in the woods right there?" he points a chipped nail towards the dense trees on the other side of the field, and you can see it. 

the crackling of the wood, the orange glow reflecting the light strands of stan’s dark curls. there’s a sea of students from your class and the class above, everyone rowdy with drunken fun. there’s laughter drowned out by the boombox placed on the outskirts, blasting a salt-n-peppa song that has eddie bouncing around with some kids from track. over to the side, you can nearly see bev's lips curl around a note as richie strums on someone else's guitar, putting together some surprisingly pleasant chords while mike throws twigs into the fire, singing softly with richie and bev. 

you can almost smell the smoky hot air from those nights and you remember the odd sensation of feeling invincible back in those days, when your greatest fear was nothing more than coming across your parents when you were too hungover to remember anything the next morning. 

it’s almost melancholic, the realization that you’ll never have those years again. you’ll never have your friend group in the same way as you did in high school, and it was barely over a year ago. it hurts a bit, until you realize you’re here, in the car with richie. 

but still, despite the feeling, you grin. “why did we think it was a good idea to party so close to the school?” 

richie chuckles, “it was safer. for some reason.” 

it makes you smile, "i wonder if those pabst cans are still hidden in all those hollow logs." you muse, a gentle smile splaying over your lips. richie huffs a small laugh at the memory of jorge garcia drunkenly stuffing the empty beer cans quickly into the log when the cops came. 

a car pulls into the vacant lot behind you, and richie takes the liberty of driving away again, still not really sure where you're going. 

the trees roll past, and soon you're passing through the downtown section of derry, causing the two of you to fall silent as your eyes flick up and down the nearly desloate streets. the aladdin passes by quickly and you remember going to see so many films with the others for less than five bucks a pop, richie slipping an arm around your shoulders and whispering in your ear about the weird worker who always gave you the eyes. 

you smile lightly as your eyes fall to look ahead, passing the corner store. you remember how many times you and richie and stan stopped there after classes or during lunch to grab slushes while the workers weren’t looking. you remember the sticky fingers and bright blue tongues. 

then as you stare more at the ugly front of the store, memories from middle school scratch the surface of your brain. "didn't the boys..." you say, perking up as you turn and watch it pass, richie looking at you attentively. "-eyes on the road, rich." you say absent-mindedly, "...didn't they... steal stuff from there? i can't remember why... it was for ben. tissues?" you ask, tilting your head. richie's brows furrow. "i had to stay outside with him, all i remember is bein' pissed i couldn't go in. dunno why, though." he mutters. you hum, sinking back in your seat. 

"crazy, how quickly you forget your childhood." he says quietly. 

the town slowly fades away before your eyes, and its just then that you realize you're going the opposite way from bill's. then it's plain grassland and marshes, dipping into the barrens. your lips twitch and the silence, while pleasant, makes you feel nervous. 

you look to richie, all nervous slowly releasing from your body. 

you feel stupid for thinking it, and you don't dare say it, but there's something really sweet about being in the middle of nowhere with him. 

you feel like driving along this ugly, terrible road on the outskirts of a truly ugly and terrible town with someone as beautiful and captivating as richie is such an important moment; as if the roads along here are a place only you and richie share to yourselves. 

"i kind of like taking the long way home with you." you let slip instead, instantly feeling hot and panicked as the words leave your mouth. "y-you know, because i just really didn't want to- er, i don't like being-" 

as you stutter out some excuses, he leans forward towards the wheel, face turning to you with a smirk. "oh?" he asks. you feel flustered, your hands sweating and heart tingling as you stare at his handsome face. 

"god, sorry." you say, feeling flushed, "i don't know why i keep rambling. it's so awkward." 

"y/n, you could talk about anything." he says with a laugh, and you look at him, trying to ignore the sheer zoo of animals parading around in your stomach and instead escaping this moment with a sarcastic, "even dead squirrels?" 

he rolls his eyes and shakes his head, his hair glinting in the light. "yeah, whatever baby. i just don't wanna be wasting my time alone when i could be here with you. that's what i'm trying to say." 

and the stupid pet name almost makes you snort but you also get butterflies, the words that he's said making you smile so wide you're almost embarrassed. "yeah, well." you say bashfully, "i guess spending my time with you is, like... the best part of coming back home." 

you avoid eye contact, staring out the window as you pass the house of your junior year bio partner. "hey," richie nudges your jaw and you almost jump at the feeling of his cold ring against the warmth of your skin. he speaks softly. "i'd never let you down, you know." he says, mischief in his eyes. you smile against his hand and look at him, his blue eyes warm and inviting and looking like home. 

your eyes fall back towards the windshield and you see a sign up ahead. shifting, you look at richie again to find him still staring. 

he's got such a terrible habit of watching you instead of the road (he has since high school), and that combined with his lead foot (also since high school - wentworth tozier was a menace on the streets) has you conditioned into reminding him of every obstacle that he may run into while driving. 

"stop sign, richie." you mutter, knowing in his ramble he won't notice it (it happened way too many times as high schoolers). he seems to not really hear it, and you say again, "stop sign!"

just before it's too late, the car lurches as he slams the breaks and you just barely hit the white line, your hands bracing yourself against the dashboard. "oh my god." you hiss, shaking your head. richie's laughing. 

"we've been hitting every red light. can't i just have one pass to not stop at one of these things?" richie says. you roll your eyes with a slight head shake. you can't believe him. 

"you'll be the death of me, tozier." you mutter. richie's still laughing quietly and then he takes a big sigh, hand reaching out. you lean forward, hand reaching for the volume knob on the stereo just as richie does the same, and your hands brush by accident. you feel warm and instead of pulling away, his hand covers yours and he gently turns your hands, bringing up the volume of a green day song. it's seemingly just in the background as you watch your hand in richie's, then slowly turning your gaze up to his face. 

he just stares at you as you stare back, wanting so badly to kiss him but wondering if he feels the same. 

"hey." he whispers, quiet for the first time possibly ever. "hey." you respond softly, watching as he comes a bit closer. his hand is still in yours. "i am so happy to be home. with you." he says sincerely, his eyes wide and honest behind his glasses and his smile soft.  your breath catches slightly and you smile, "me too. i always feel like this is the way it's supposed to be. u-us." 

something in richie's eyes change, a light of sort, and then he's leaning into you and you're kissing. 

his hand that isn't in yours falls to softly rub your thigh and you're taking a shuddering breath as your lips touch his. he tastes like mint chapstick and those stupid red-hots he was eating earlier, his lips slightly cold but his tongue warm as he slowly pulls you closer to him. 

your mind almost falls blank as the world melts away, the only thing in your mind is how long you've missed out on this - richie is kind of unexpectedly a fantastic kisser. you pull him closer by his hair as his tongue grazes yours, his thumb tilting your jaw for a better angle. 

but suddenly a horn honks loudly behind you and you both spring apart, your stomach panging with anxiety at the noise.

"shit." you hiss as you remember you're at a stop sign. richie snorts slightly, a smirk on his face despite the blush on his high cheekbones, feet going back to the gas pedal and clutch. his hand leaves your thigh as he drives forward and you clear your throat as the car turns behind you at the intersection, leaving you two back in the middle of nowhere with just you two. 

it's tense for a few minutes, neither of you two really talking and you can tell the tension is going to kill richie, his hand twitching on the shift and his leg bouncing. 

you break the silence after a couple more moments, "did you want to pull over-"  "-yes." he says quickly, car almost swerving as he pulls off the road near the quarry. you laugh and grip the handle of the car as you slide to a stop and he laughs too, the feeling of glee unmatchable. 

you both unclick your seatbelts after gaining a few breaths, and then you're leaning over the console to kiss richie hard enough on the lips that he falls back towards the window. he holds your face with his hands and he laughs a bit into the kiss, teeth grazing your bottom lip before tugging it. "goddamn, you're eager." he mutters into your mouth. 

you smirk, pulling back. "fine, i don't have to kiss you. we have to be at bill's soon, anyways." you say, feigning a fake dismissive voice. 

"wait, no, no. we've still got 20 minutes." richie defends after glancing at the stereo on the dash. his eyebrows raising in a plea. you giggle, leaning towards him and bringing your arm over. he's beaming as your face nears his and he moves to kiss you but you turn your head, instead letting his lips graze your neck as you lean to turn off the headlights.

"tease." richie mutters hotly against the skin of your neck before biting down softly, kissing over the skin. "i thought you said i was eager?" you say with a teasing smile. he hums, "y'know, it's pretty unfair to be teasin' me, toots. i've been eager to kiss you since we were seventeen." he says, and you can't help but smile, pulling him in to a kiss as his hands slide up your thighs and yours tangle in his messy curls.

you pull away slightly, "you want to get in the backseat?" 

taglist:  @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings @stenbrozier​  @sft-core @clownsloveyou  @moon-shine-baby​ @trashedfortozier  @daughter-of-the-stars11 @oceandog13​ @chl0bee @kait16xo @upamongthestarss @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @screammin @leighjaenikhowell @cowbellies @deepestofwaters @five-motherfucking-hargreeves @sassy-uris @loverloserrr @hauntingkaspbrak @soph-ec @hockslutter  

© all content belongs to soulwillower 2020. do not modify, repost, or redistribute.

[wesleyrees]

✰♔ WESLEY REES.

hello! i’m ari, and here is the cause of all my headaches wesley rees! i’m fine plotting on either tumblr or discord, (though i’d prefer discord—@imperator invictus#9563).

THE BASICS.

full name: wesley john rees. 

deity: narcissus. 

nickname: wes, rees, wessie (reserved for alex and alex only). 

gender & pronouns: cismale & he/him. 

sexuality: bisexual.

age, birthday, and zodiac: twenty-four, 8/11/1997, scorpio.

occupation: self-employed freelance model. 

social media: @wesleyrees.

song: any basic fuckboy anthem you’d hear at a frat party. 

place of birth: sydney, australia. 

accent: australian (bc australian accents r sexy).

residence currently: atlantis apartments, no roommates. 

pets: one blue beta fish named salad. 

education: high school diploma (barely). 

tattoos: a mirror on his right forearm, salad the beta fish on his left wrist.  

height: five foot eleven inches. 

POWERS.

currently in possession of: the ability to be an absolute dick to most people he meets. kidding. well...not really. he really just has a super inflated ego and sense of self-worth and it makes him insufferable. i’m so sorry in advance. 

will one day acquire: the ability to sense others insecurities related to their vanity, drawing strength/vitality from seeing his own reflection, the ability to maintain his attractiveness by bathing in fresh water or using narcissus oil. 

A SUPER SHORT INTRO BECAUSE I HATE WRITING INTROS.

wealth. power. glory. wesley had known it all since the moment he was born. in his family’s penthouse, wesley was never supposed to worry about a damn thing besides looking pretty. with both his parents being famous lawyers, the rees family was always under the watchful eye of the public. but if people only knew what went on behind closed penthouse doors.

destined for their son to follow in their footsteps, the rees’ were extremely hard on their son. he was never really allowed to be a kid, he was always being shipped off to the fanciest of boarding schools known for their harsh discipline—only being allowed to return home for the winter holidays and the summer months.

he always had a lot of energy and preferred going out and partying over staying inside and getting good grades. if it weren’t for his parents continued large donations to his boarding school, he likely would’ve flunked out.

never really having felt love from his parents, the entire concept of love is very foreign to him. his one and only significant other was when he was seventeen years old. she was also seventeen, but wasn’t from a rich, well-known family (she was attending the school on a scholarship) so wesley had to keep it a secret. somehow, she managed to break down his walls and make him truly fall for her. 

(TW DEATH, LOSS OF CHILD, CAR CRASH, CAR ACCIDENT) only a few months before they graduated, she got into a car crash and died on the scene. wesley later found a positive pregnancy test in the trash. devastated and with no real direction in life, he moved to magnetic island as soon as he turned 18.

he’s not one to showcase his feelings. he exudes confidence, but he really is pretty broken inside. he’d rather do just about anything than admit that though. 

he’s a total party animal, and you will most likely never find him not out somewhere on most nights. 

his modeling gigs get him enough money he could live somewhere nicer, but he stays in atlantis apartments so he can be close to his bestie alex (and so alex can remind him to feed salad). 

wesley really just has two rules: don’t ask him about his past, and don’t expect a future from him. 

[mirrorforevers]

silently • graham coxon/reader

this is a direct result of this prompt right here

don’t b sorry love, we’re all horny here. this prompt immediately took me out of my writer’s block so yeah gsdjsdhgsdj it was a blessing! tysm for sending it n i rly rly hope u enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it aaaaa i literally couldn’t stop. this one has a special place in my heart now.

also please tell me whatchu think abt this one on my askbox! unbeta’ed bc i love danger

word count: 2.809

warnings: smut. shameless, fast paced fluffy smut.

You couldn't understand why the hell he was so nervous. On the way to your parents' home he asked more questions than a 4-year-old on their way to a park - what are they like, what do they like to do, do they know Blur? Do you think they will find my shoe ridiculous? I'm sure they'll think I’m a weirdo. What did you tell them about me? Even the many kisses you gave him were not enough to calm him down, leaving you to assure him that even if your parents didn't like him - which would be impossible, Graham was never better and more pleasant to live with - you would continue to like him. Very much.

Couldn't live without him, actually.

When you arrive at the door, your mother greets you with a wide, surprised smile - it didn't even seem like she had been begging to meet Graham for months and meticulously planned every minute of the time you would spend together. Her friendly posture seemed to make him more comfortable, the fact that your father was traveling also ended up making him more relaxed. “Dads are always frightening,” he’d say. He agreed to spend the rest of the night there after having an extremely pleasant dinner.

While he does the dishes, you and your mother clean the table when you decide to stop by the kitchen to talk to your boyfriend.

"It wasn't that difficult, was it?" You ask, a daring tone in your voice.

He smiles sheepishly. "Everything went significantly better than I thought it would, honestly."

“You did well. Not that she is hard to please, but you are really sweet.” You kiss him on the cheek. (It's so cute how he still blushes at these things after months of dating.)

"Thank you, love."

"I mean it. I think you deserve a gift for being like this.”

He looks at you, starting to pay even greater attention to the direction of the conversation. “And what do you have in mind?”

You whisper in his ear in the most seemingly innocuous tone you can feign. “I, for one, think you should fuck me senseless in the room upstairs.” He smiles, gaze a little lost in his surroundings as it usually goes whenever he’s pleasantly disconcerted by your dirty talk. Your hands travel his body subtly under his shirt. He hisses: “Can’t wait.” His voice is weak. You love to tease him like that.

You give him a little peck where his mouth and cheek meet – and then you motion to leave after a wink. “See you in a few minutes.”

“Babies, sorry to interrupt,” your mom arrives at the door, instantly killing off the whole mood you’ve created. “I forgot to tell you, but some other people from our family will be here in a few minutes. We’re not done yet!”

Graham’s really confused. You shrug and give him some context – “My family just loves gatherings in general. And they’re excited that I have a boyfriend now, apparently.” To which your mom points: “Exactly! They want to meet you too, Coxon!”

You can feel the anxiety building in him again already. He’s so uncomfortable it hurts, and you know his head is spinning. He doesn’t want to let you down, and after your mom leaves, you go back to calming him down again. “Baby, it’s okay, I promise. If you­’re too overwhelmed we--”

“No, no. I signed up for this. I’ll be okay. I’ll have a drink or two…”

You completely discard this possibility. No associating alcohol to social abilities anymore after everything he went through because of it. “No. We’ll find other ways to calm you down.” After some seconds of a silent yet intense brainstorm, you have an idea. But you won’t tell him. “Ok, I know what to do to take your mind off the pressure. Just wait and see, and no beers, alright?”

“Alright… I guess.”

After giving him yet another peck while he finishes cleaning the plates, you quickly run upstairs to change from the tight jeans and band shirt you’re wearing to a very light and flimsy sundress. And that’s all the clothing you choose. It fits you well, and leaves not much to the imagination. You know it’s a family gathering, but it’s also summer, so no severe dress codes were being enforced in any significant way.

He reads your mind the moment he sees you in the dress, shaking his head in pleased disbelief at the sight. He mouths a small “you didn’t” while a stupidly joyful smile slowly shines over the tight expression of worry he once had. To which you mouth back: “I did.” You then go back to playfully teasing each other a bit while you take care of the sudden assembly’s preparations.

Your family members arrive and, as expected, they’re really thrilled to meet your guy. Graham answers so many questions, and ends up sharing so much of how he feels about you with them, and bit by bit, the warmth and wholesome aura of your closest relatives makes him feel truly welcomed. He feels like he knows you even better now, now that he knows where your energy and vitality come from. He could see bits of your personality in every single one of them – of course you are still the splendid whole, but still. It made sense.

Also, you noticed he didn’t take his eyes off you the entire time. He was hungry and you’re glad your plan worked. It was easier to forget about how hard sociability is when his mind was somewhere else.

After a while, though, you could sense him getting fidgetier. Even though he was considerably and visibly more relaxed than he was a few hours ago, that amount of social interaction, specially while sober, still drained a lot of his energy. You take his hands, announcing you two were getting something else to eat. You go to the kitchen, not bothering to turn on the lights, and though the house is empty you two could still hear the enthusiastic discussion your family is having outside, slightly drowned by the distance and the walls separating you now.

“You did so great, baby.” You smile, giving him a victory kiss while he envelops you in a tight hug. He’s proud of himself too, and he deserves to feel like that. “They love you already.”

“They’re just like you, in a way. I’m glad everything went well,” he sounds relieved, still tired, but relieved. “I couldn’t stop thinking about that proposal you made me earlier, though.”

“I know,” You plant a chaste kiss on his jaw. “I felt your eyes on me.”

This second kiss he gives you feels different. It’s longer. Famished. Purposeful. His hands are friskier now, traveling hastily throughout your body, and you alternate between giving in and becoming progressively more alert of your surroundings. You can have an idea of where this is heading. The swirling of his tongue around yours makes you dizzy, and the feeling somewhat akin to an electric shock – but milder, and definitely more carnal – that flows through your body when he bites your lower lip and brings your hips closer to his brings you back to reality. “We have to be careful,” you whisper, each of your lips just barely touching while you breathe each other’s air.

“I promise I’ll be. You look delicious in this dress, I… don’t know where to start.” He cups your cheeks while drawing imaginary lines across your lips with the tip of his thumbs.

“Think fast. Never took you for a quickie guy.” You chuckle.

“I like to take my time, yes, but some things can’t wait.”

And with that, with the dexterity and carefulness of a cat, he sinks to his knees in front of you, lifting up your dress with one hand and one of your legs with the other, your leg now resting on one of his large shoulders. He takes hold of your hips, angling you toward him. You hiss in anticipation, and you can feel your core burning in expectation too. Your hands now firmly grab the counter behind you for support while you turn behind you with attentive eyes to see if no one’s coming. You’re safe, for now. The thrill of getting caught is one that will never get old.

His eyes seek yours for reassurance. You, without a word, give it to him. You both look lovely bathed in moonlight. He teases you first, kissing and sucking at the skin on your inner thighs, moving closer and closer to your center until after a couple minutes of that sweet agony his lips graze across that aching part of you.

He flicks his tongue delicately through your folds, playing with your wetness. The way his hands caress your lifted thigh so delicately while his tongue inscribes poems to your clit is something that makes your stomach flutter, you simply can’t ignore those tiny adorable actions that make loving him so addictive and rewarding. Keeping yourself silent and struggling to remain somewhat composed to anyone who might see you from outside is a painfully arousing contradiction to the sensations you’re feeling. He’s doing his best to fuck you up, gradually setting a rhythmic pace to his movements with the intent to release the spring now starting to coil tightly low in your abdomen.

“Jesus, Gra—f-fuck. Fuck.” You whisper, breathlessly, while simultaneously suppressing a moan when he delves his tongue even deeper in your core, your fingers instinctively curling and closing a fist on his hair, making him groan. You buck your hips against his lips and you can feel sweat beading on the backs of your knees, heart threatening to jump out of your mouth by how fast it’s racing.

You suddenly freeze when you hear a voice from outside approaching the kitchen and you lightly tap his shoulder. Graham stops on command, but he won’t get up until he’s absolutely certain he should. He sprinkles your thigh with small kisses again, eyes droopy with the high from giving you the pleasure he knows he’s giving you while he admires you. The person heading for the kitchen takes a turn to the opposite side and you sigh in relief. “False alarm. Go on, baby.”

“Yes, ma’am.” You notice he’s panting, and you can only guess how hard he is, judging by the tone of his voice. The time you spent frozen wasn’t enough to completely burn out the fire he’d already created within you, but he’s determined to give you an orgasm before anyone can interrupt you again – now he had two fingers moving, stroking, curling inside of you in delightful ways while his tongue began to work your clit in tight little circles. You could feel him moaning against your sex, he really liked this. And fuck, he was good at it. He slips one more finger into you, his ring finger, making your pleasure soon explode into a trembling climax. You couldn’t stop the little sound you made and he kisses your thigh in reply while still lazily fucking you with his fingers. “So fucking beautiful,” he whispers.

One of your hands move to your mouth in order to cover the sound you really want to make. Graham, once again, looks really proud of himself.

He slowly pulls his fingers out of you and cleans them with his tongue before he lifts up again as inconspicuously as possible. You try to look like nothing happened, and you’re both glad that, apparently, no one’s giving a single fuck to whatever’s going on where you are. Given the realization, you look at each other and giggle. He then pulls you in a hug, voice husky when he teases, and confesses, “You can’t imagine how bad I want to fuck you right here. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“We’ll have to take this to the bedroom, love.” You reply, still recovering from your orgasm. You can’t risk more than you’ve already risked. He looks slightly…

Disappointed.

You smile. “You thrill-seeking bastard. You enjoyed this way too much, didn’t you?”

“Didn’t you?” He questions back, tickling your sides, a wide, satisfied smile on his face. God, you loved him so much. He pulls you back to him again, and you turn to the other side so he can grind against you from behind. He’s rock hard. “We have some thick curtains here, after all.” You say, mischievously, before you close the curtains as carefully as possible. He lifts up your dress once again, this time high enough so he can fill his hands with your breasts, and he, agonizingly slowly, teases your nipples with his fingertips while he keeps grinding against you. This, alone, gets you motivated enough for another round. “God, Coxon, you’re going to be the death of me.” Your voice’s painfully needy, just like every other part of you.

You spread your legs a little wider to give him better access to you. Feeling cool air against your bare ass, you bite your lip and screw your eyes shut when his hand squeezes your butt. “Dripping wet for me. You’re glistening.” He quietly notes, giving your butt a little kiss - you then look over your shoulder to watch him get his jeans open. His hard cock bounces against your ass as he pushes his boxers down. You wiggle to get him inside you while he tortuously slowly runs the tip of his cock between the slick folds of your pussy. When it bumps against your sensitive clit, you can’t stop the mewl of his name.

After a few more hard breaths, he was inside you. You’re hungry for him too, and the sound of your body clashing against his is something unbelievable. You begin in a faster pace than the one you’re used to – and that’s not a problem. At all. Speed is of essence, but you’re also starving for each other. It feels like no contact is ever 100% enough.

Your hands keep firmly gripping the balcony and when he lowers his chest against your back you can’t hold back the involuntary gasp that leaves your throat and echoes through the empty house. One of his large hands holds your hips in place while he fucks you mercilessly, the other one covers your mouth hastily – his shaky voice betrays how badly this is affecting him too. “Shhh, love. You don't want anyone seeing you in that state. So fucking tight around me.”

He was sinking more deeply into you with each thrust now, and trying to keep your eyes open while his now awaken dominant side is doing that to you, exactly the way you want him to, is torture. You feel like you’re going to pass out from the all the sensorial and contextual stimulation. “You want me to come inside you, baby?” To which you keenly reply with a nod, not bothering to uncover your mouth. This was perfect.

He edged his hips back so he reaches your most sensitive spot and his grip on your mouth constricts when he notices how loud you want to be. “Feels like a dream inside you but keep. Quiet.” His voice lowers to a breathy whisper against your throat and the hands that were holding your hips in place now snaked to the front of your body to help you get off. And like that, you do, coming a second time, this orgasm even more intense than the last. The way your walls twitch around his dick is enough to push him over the edge too, and you feel him spilling inside you. You milk him of every drop, and after you both ride off your high, you feel a tender kiss that lasts for a while in your scalp, a silent “thank you” while he slips out of you.

You put your dress back on place, trying to compose yourself before you can look another human in the eye again. You have a positively overwhelmed, just-woke-up-from-an-incredible-dream look on your face. “You better not get me addicted to this kind of risky shit.”

He laughs while he also does his best to look like not one hair or piece of clothing ever went out of place. “Sorry, Y/N, I think I already did.”

[rosy-wooyoung]

[12:31]

🎄 Day 11 of the Christmas project🎄

pairing : san x fem!reader a/n: ngl i’m quite happy with this one. maybe bc it’s kinda personal? idk

You had just arrived at the cottage you inherited from your grandparents when they passed away, and, after driving for so long, you were happy to finally cut the engine. Months had passed since you last visited this small house filled with beautiful memories, and you had this strange feeling of happiness mixed with nostalgia overrunning in your body. The cottage was a small wooden house at the edge of the forest next to a lake, now frozen, the ground and the naked and lonely looking branches of the trees surrounding it covered in snow. You parked your car in the driveway and slightly shook your best friend's shoulder to wake him from his slumber. After a few minutes of constantly shaking him, San finally stirred up, softly rubbing his eyes as he looked around him.

"Are we already here?" he mumbled and you bitterly chuckled, unbuckling your seat belt and opened the door. "What do you mean already? You've been sleeping since we stopped at the gas station. It's been two hours dude," You poked his ribs before stepping out. San shook his head and got out of the car as well a few seconds later, letting out a sigh before helping you clear the trunk filled with things to get comfortable enough for the long weekend you had planned to stay together. 

The end of the year was coming, so that meant a lot of things to do at work: closing cases, checking details before sending files to your boss, preparing some others for the new year, it was everything but calm when you entered your workspace each morning. Fortunately, you had worked quite hard during the week, so today before lunch, San and you took your leave of work and hurried to your car, getting ready for a few hours of driving to get to this beautiful place where you had just arrived.

"Gosh, I've missed this place so badly," you said as you looked around you, eyes roaming as you observed the trees and your surroundings. You started getting a bit emotional as you recalled the hazy yet wonderful memories you had collected while growing up until it was time for them to leave.  

You remembered spending some of your Summer holidays here with your siblings when your parents grew "tired" of the three of you. They always claimed to need a break from being parents for at least a week, and so did you from them. When you were at your grandparents' house, more fun was allowed than when you were at home. It was an exciting feeling, and you were always looking forward to coming and visiting them at every opportunity you had. You never truly minded because you loved your grandparents and spending time with them. But for your younger siblings, it was a whole other story: they were constantly yelling about missing mom and dad, while you were just loving being there, catching up with your granddad

You had your little secrets with him, things that you hid from your family and your siblings. For example, you and your grandfather would secretly take two easels, always feeling that rush of adrenaline before escaping from the yells of your siblings to find a good spot to start painting for a major part of the day, hidden in the mountains hovering above the cottage. Each time, you came back from your getaway with a brand new piece of art, and a memory to cherish for the years to come. You entered the cottage, and a wave of nostalgia crashed onto you, a sense of comfort wrapping its arms around your shoulders. In the dark, you could still distinguish some of the pieces of art your granddad did when you were together. You opened the shutters and drew out the curtains your grandmother had sewed by herself, making the natural sunlight warm up the place. You then went behind the house and opened the electricity and water conducts while San took care of putting all the things your truck you carry inside the small house.

"It's a gorgeous little place that you hid from me," he teased, and you gently smiled, elbowing him in the ribs as you kept on putting everything in the right place. "It's my sweet escape," you replied as your best friend rested for a few seconds in the middle of the entrance, hands on his hips as he took in the decoration of the place.

When you had some rough times in your life - which happened more often as your grandparents fell sick one after the other -, you came to this little house in secret to unwind and spend some time alone, crying or just chilling. It was a bit like your secret garden, the spot that you had indeed kept hidden from everyone. Even your parents didn't know that you frequently visited here and spend some time in nature. That's why it wasn't as dusty and dirty as one can imagine an abandoned house to look like. Yes, it was a bit straggly, but to your defence, you haven't come to this place in weeks.

As the day went by, it was finally the afternoon, and it had started snowing as soon as you finished setting in the cottage house. You were quite tired from driving for a few hours, only being used to run a few errands for maximum 20 minutes, so you just wanted to chill and maybe take a nap on the burgundy, corduroy couch. San, on the other hand, since had slept a major part of the journey there, was just a human dynamo. Looking around, all smiley and excited as he watched the snow falling from the sky.

"Do you wanna do something outside? We could make a snowman, have a snowball fight or go for a walk?" he suggested as he let himself fall next to you on the couch, tickling your side with his left hand as the other remained against his chest. You stifled a giggle and squirmed, trying to escape from his touch. He stopped for a while, his eyes lingering on you as you were getting your breath back. "And what about going sledging? I just saw that there's a hill on the other side of the lake, we can go there," your best friend offered, but you shook your head with a pout. "San, I'm too tired for all of this," you whispered, and his eyes widened, taken aback that you declined his offer, again, "and where did you even find a sledge?" you added, not even knowing that your grandparents owned one. "There was two in the small storage unit, but don't try to change the subject. Why don't you want to go sledging?" he said while sitting up, laying a hand on your knee, shaking it a bit. "It's the best thing you could do when we have a type of weather like this!" he exclaimed while pointing outside, making you sigh and as you looked out the window. Yes, it was still snowing, and it looked quite consistent enough to sledge on it, but you could see some patches of blue sky appearing here and there, telling you that the good weather wasn't as far as you thought it was.

"Come on, Y/N, just for me," he said as he watched you stifling a yawn, happy that he managed to catch sight of a small nod in your actions. "Really? Let's go then!" he enthusiastically got up, not even waiting for you to run into the bedroom to get dressed. "The things I'd do for him," you whispered to yourself as you tiredly got up from the couch, making your way up the small stairs as well. Once you had slipped on your fleece-lined pants and warm coats, you made your way out the door, San trotting to the small storage unit behind the house to get the sledges. Those were made out of old wood, a thin rope attached to the tip of it. They looked quite old and dusty, but they would do the trick.

"So Y/N, since you're the expert of the region," San teased as he looked over, only to have you staring back at him with a fake bored look, "how can we reach this side of the lake?" he said as he pointed the side opposite the cottage, and you smiled. That is where you used to go painting with your grandfather. "Come on, follow me," you said as you confidently started walking, the memories colliding in your brain as you trusted your guts to get to this side of the lake. In the course of your walk, with San by your side, you told him some of your memories while pointing at different things.

"You see that tree over there?" you gestured to the naked weeping willow a bit further into the stroll, San nodding as his eyes followed your finger, "when it was getting either too hot or too noisy because of my siblings during Summer, I'd take a book and spend the entire afternoon reading underneath that tree," you explained with a soft smile on your face, remembering the great souvenirs as the leaves crunched under your moon boots as you stopped. "And my grandma had a whistle, and she would blow four times when dinner was ready, and I needed to come back," you told your friend, who had a sincere smile on his face. "This is adorable, it sounds like a Studio Ghibli plot," he said while taking your hand, making you walk slightly faster to pass the tree. San knew you well. He knew that if you spent too much time in front of this willow, you'd start getting emotional and probably cry, and that was the last thing he wanted to see.

You silently thanked him with a faint smile as you understood his sudden change of behaviour and you cleared your throat, keeping on telling him happier souvenirs as you finally arrived where San wanted to go. "I can't imagine how beautiful it must look here in Summer," he mumbled as he stared at the cottage on the other side of the lake. "It's even more incredible in fall," you said with a smile, "I came here mid-October and you're just surrounded by yellow and orange trees, you can really feel the fall vibes," you giggled with your friend, letting go of his hand, feeling suddenly nervous. You hadn't even noticed that San had kept your hand in his the entire time, and you were even hotter when you realised that he didn't even look bothered or shy of it.

You took a few pictures of each other going down the sledge, laughing and pushing each other around as the other took an unflattering photo of the other. The powder snow eased your falls every time you pushed the other too hard, sometimes shrieking as you could feel some snow slipping under your clothes and reach your skin. At some point, you were too tired to get up, so you stayed well muffled in your clothes, looking at the sky clearing above your heads. San was also in the snow, ignoring the freezing sensation of water against his neck and the goosebumps travelling his entire body. Instead of staring at the sky as you did, he seized the fact that you were too busy getting lost in your thoughts to stare at you. He loved seeing his best friend at peace like you currently were, it looked like all of your worries had vanished as soon as you pulled up by the house, the stressed Y/N getting replaced by the one that San imagined was the Y/N of your childhood.

The young man shifted in the snow, close enough for his hand to grab yours. As you felt pressure on your glove, you turned your head to the side, looking at him. He was already looking at you with a fond smile decorating his lips, and you raised your eyebrows, silently asking him why he was staring at you like that.

"I wish for this moment to never end," he spoke softly, the density of the snow under you two muffling his words, only for you to hear. "Me neither," you uttered, and San squeezed your hand as an answer, shooting you a wink before looking at the sky like you did just moments ago. He felt your gaze on him, and he started rolling towards you, miscalculating the number of rolls he had to do to come near you, resulting him almost crushing you as he was about to land on his back. You clutched your abdomen, anticipating his weight landing on you, but he swiftly moved around to land on his stomach, his mouth arriving millimetres away from yours.

None of you recoiled, getting lost in the other's eyes. Your breath had quickened up, something going noticed by San. He gulped but kept staring at you, your breaths forming one trail of steam above your heads, unhurriedly vanishing in the atmosphere. San pulled his thoughts and doubts to the side for an instant, his mouth colliding with yours in the gentlest way possible. Despite the dryness of his lips, the kiss released millions of butterflies in your stomach, sending warmth straight to your face. With your mittens slightly covered in snow, you cupped his face, and he groaned into the kiss, the cold against his face attempting to bring him back to reality.

But it wasn't enough to make you two stop kissing each other. You had both been secretly waiting for this for too long, and you didn't want to end the kiss right now. Making the most of it was the key point of the situation, and you let your lips linger on San's as if it was the last time before pulling away. The man gave you mere seconds to catch your breath before pulling you in another kiss, your hearts beating furiously against each other as your tongues danced together, head spinning and getting mushy due to all the emotions you were experiencing.

[escxpiism]

( olivia holt, 23, she/her ) * hey, i’m looking for the office of ALICE ADAMS. they’re the EMPLOYEE who’s known around the office as THE MASK if that helps ? not to be a gossip, but i’ve heard that they’re ADAPTABLE but JADED, is that true ? i also heard that they’re the one who CATFISHED DAVID HASSELHOFF. anyways, here’s the coffee they ordered.

hi y’all !! i’m may ( 21 // est // she/her ) and i am super super pumped to be here !! i’m also very much writing this against my better judgment ya girl’s running on four hours of sleep and has the option to sleep more but......... is not tired ?? so i do apologize if my mind is secretly tired and makes this intro,,,, even worse than it would be fahouedn. on with the show !! anyway anyway!! feel free to like this if u wld like 2 plot and i will hit u up!!

( also, for some vibes if you so choose to read, here’s the link to her playlist ! )

----------------------------------------------------

QUICK FACTS:

full name: alice audrey adams

date of birth: october 26th, 1997

*will not perfectly reflect the zodiac big three below because that’s.... math.

zodiac big three: scorpio sun, virgo moon, taurus rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual

education: ged, bachelor’s degree in film — pratt institute

enneagram: 4w3

mbti: enfp

temperament: sanguine-melancholic

label: the mask

various inspirations: “nutshell” - alice in chains, “santa monica” - everclear, “polly” - nirvana, “jennifer’s body” - hole, “creep” - stone temple pilots, kate wallis ( cruel summer - shhhh ), heather davis ( crazy ex-girlfriend ), satana hellstrom ( marvel comics ), bojack horseman - without the amount of problematic ego ( bojack horseman ), eddie huang ( fresh off the boat ), the great britney spears evolution ( temporarily stopping at circus era )

BACKSTORY:

triggers in order: toxic family dynamic, grooming (nothing super in-depth), kidnapping (? like it was ‘willing’ but no. see next trigger for why), toxic “relationship” (and 11yr age gap w/ a 16y/o we hate it), straight-up captivity, very brief mention of suicide + heroin (very!)

*would like to quickly preface that this isn’t just Dark for the sake of being r/im14andthisisdeep but that’s for a later time **(also! i have markers for where the grooming + Super Dark parts begin and end! -- also, the Super Dark part is all very public knowledge. had articles. media frenzy. first thing that comes up if you google her name) *** also. if u need it then a tl;dr is below this section hfkldsa

alice audrey adams was born to the type of family that names all of their children alliterative names ( however, they sadly didn’t get their own kardashian-style show )... alexis adams (working name, utp if taken as a wc)... alfie allison adams (working name, utp if taken as a wc)... born to anna adams and allen adams... we hate it here.

as u can see... all of the kids were basically named after allen... they all had ‘al’ names.... extremely confusing 

plot-twist: THAT’S the darkest part

the adams were very concerned with public image. as a family in the upper echelon, they simply had to be! a narcissist father, a distant mother, put in competition with her siblings — there was no truly healthy dynamic in the household. but they looked good. they went to church every sunday, a ‘wwjd’ sticker on the back of her mother’s car. they did just enough activities and took just enough trips together to get the image across. they threw parties. they attended parties. they were the picture perfect american family — they even had two cats in the yard! life used to be so hard! 

of course, in reality, this all left ms alice quite the lonely gal. but don’t worry! she didn’t turn to hedonism! lord no! instead, she turned to other people. a lot of friendships — couldn’t tell if they were real or #fortheclout — but at a point, did it matter? 

grooming tw: it all came to a screeching halt when she met luke johnson, the son of their neighbors. he came back from california to georgia to visit family, care for his ailing father. oh, he was a good man! sure, he was ‘somewhat’ older than her — 27 when she was 16 — but he was such a good, handsome young man! and they were all still calling him young man, after all. 

alice ‘began’ a torrid affair with luke after about a month into his visit. although she saw no immediate wrong in it, he insisted she keep it a secret ‘for the time being’ — which really just made it all the more exciting! he made all the storm clouds that hovered disappear.

one day, the levee broke for alice (still figuring out what exactly happened because i don’t wanna go too dark since this is already extremely dark, but trust that it had something to do with her parents and was just enough to push her over the edge). convinced luke was the only safe person, she turned to him. knowing their small community would catch on and essentially exile him, he took that opportunity to convince her to go back to santa monica with him where they could ‘start anew’ after his father’s death.

there are a few details i plan on adding regarding like. how legality playing into it. but i may just reserve those for an official bio lhakfsdfj

**BEGINNING OF SUPER DARK** for a while, there was the question of whether they should consider it a kidnapping or not. she went with him willingly, but she was still underage (and… you know, that age difference… the power dynamic... gross y’all). the adams insisted that it was (bc it basically was lbr) — primarily because it would make them look far better — but the community still questioned the logistics and legalities of it all… ugh. did the police really wanna deal with that? ugh. 

in any case, on the other side of us america, autumn was nearing. alice would have the very occasional inquiry over how school would work (very occasional! don’t worry, luke!), over the logistics of her new life… and, after receiving multiple calls from various friends (in addition to her siblings) that sounded genuine, began wondering… if she’d made the right choice. questions about him.

when she began bringing up the idea of going back — at least for the school year!! — he would continuously remind her that she was not old enough to buy herself a plane ticket (and he was not about to do that). she also couldn’t rent a car yet (and he certainly wouldn’t let her take (one of) his car(s)!). but most importantly? he loved her. and she loved him. (what a creep!)

so, for a hot second, it seemed like she was stuck. damn legalities!! damn love!! you know, until she texted her older sister back with all of the problems that only being 16... and “in love”.... caused. her sister offered to fly down, buy her a plane ticket, and fly back with her. 

when luke saw this (with all the unrestricted access to her phone he had so he could block, delete, and manipulate as he pleased), he confronted her. things went awry. she wound up in his budding wine cellar (which he soon emptied, of course… those merlots :( ….). he messaged back and, as her, said it was actually all good!! luke had figured out the logistics and she could call whenever she wanted!!

and those calls became frequent! because she would pick up when luke held it up to her! because she was pretty sure luke would kill her if she didn’t!

she wasn’t sure how long it was until she was officially Found. it took what was ruled a suicide by luke, a shot to the head and heroin in his system, to finally get any authority’s attention. all she knew was that she went to santa monica in mid june and she stopped seeing regular daylight by late july. so some time in august to some time in april… **END OF SUPER DARK + GROOMING**

she was returned to georgia shortly after and everything was different. from herself to her friends. but everything was also the same. from her room to her family. it was all… teasing. she began going to therapy, but she really sucked at it?? so she just let her therapist rely on various articles that covered the event. because it had been a media circus. good enough, amirite?? 

she didn’t have the will or patience to put on that peppy facade she’d had before, but there were still a few things she found a smidge of joy in. music (although her taste had… slightly altered and wow! it’d been almost a year since she’d picked up that bass!), videography… just those small things, you know?? 

for the first half of the ~ 2014 fall semester ~, she attempted actual school. really was not working out. with, for probably the first and only time, her parents’ approval and understanding, she dropped out and studied for a ged -- shorter and self-led -- instead. 

she passed with a pretty decent grade... but it’s been argued that she really shouldn’t have gotten into pratt institute (she was at least realistic and didn’t apply to, like… cornell), but she did. national news helps. 

while in the concrete jungle where dreams are made of, she learned of masters. she submitted an application as a joke — because her grades sucked!!!!! — but guess who got a job?? oh, she could pretend it was because her selected portfolio was actually genuinely good… but, man… we all know…

fun fact: my uncle applied to harvard as a joke. some twenty-five years later, we still haven’t heard back :\

she… continues to suck. like… she kinda wants the place to eventually burn down?? figuratively speaking (or is it…) but ya, for all the monopolizing she has seen turn people Evil?? but the hell can she do about it… just gotta make sure she keeps her in-house videographer job… maybe she can do something about it when she like… is capable. fuaihoelwdjkn

she sees an in-house therapist and i’d say ‘good for her,’ but it was mandated l m a o 

doesn’t talk about herself all that much!! but that might not matter for some people, yk?? ugh journalism <3 

y’all im so bad at ending intros.

TL;DR:

(consult above trigger list): bright kid in a super rich and toxic family because obviously. everything they did was just to look good <3 also they all had ‘a’ names which is the biggest tragedy of all :( ‘fell in love’ when she was 16ys/o with a 27y/o who was visiting to care for his father in his final days. had a torrid affair. creep. creep (luke) basically made her ‘fall in love.’ she thought creep was the only safe person at one point and creep was like ‘wanna go back 2 santa monica w me?’ and she was like ‘yes.’ and everyone was like ‘was this kidnapping... we cant tell....’ then he became even more possessive when she started questioning him and some logistics. when she finally found a way she could go back to georgia for a spell, he was like ‘no u can go in my wine cellar btw i will be taking all of the wine out.’ he kept her there from august to april and... only reason he didnt keep keeping her was bc he was Caught so. back to georgia where the devil went down. everything was Worse. even the things that were the same. but hey, the sob story that landed her in the news plenty of times got her into a college she shouldn’t have gotten into and gave her a leg-up in a joke application for a job at masters (in-house videographer). really bad at doing her work but like... fuck the man i guess?? 

PERSONALITY + HEADCANONS:

has no time for Fake Nice (which, as a born southerner, she’s really good at sniffing out!). has no time for arrogance. kind of makes her at odds with the nyc upper class...

on that note, still got a lil bit of some georgia twang

she lets herself indulge in various vices, but has left a previous hedonist status. weed and alcohol are still pretty common, but everything else is kept at arm’s length.

also, while on that topic, she Does Not drink wine. being trapped in a cellar... kinda makes u averse. like. literally despises it. will go on autopilot and make it KNOWN if offered wine.

also ALSO while on that topic, after looking it up and seeing she fits the new york city requirements, she has a medical marijuana card <3 the one good thing, if u ask her, to come out of therapy/psychiatry <3 will not show it off unless absolutely NECESSARY bc then it gets personal or <3 will lie about why and say it’s like for epilepsy or sumn unless ur rolfe but <3 she has it <3

at odds with herself. enjoys the company of others, definitely has a history of being an extrovert, but has become very selective with the company she keeps. 

VERY private person! has had enough public standing! 

...has occasionally used her story to advance her tho bc it’s her national newsworthy tragic story and she can exploit it if she wants <3

when good charlotte said “i don’t wanna be in love”?? she felt that. her last ‘relationship’ ruined that for her <3 save her <3 

used to be really into pop! bc pop is fun! she loved some britney (i mean... she still does... how can u not!)! but. her taste has changed drastically. rarely listens to pop. has traded britney for like.... hole and the like.

her parents didn’t use this as the basis for her name but,, 2 me,,, she’s named alice for a reason <3 gotta luv alice in chains <3

y’all i found a youtube comment on a video called ‘nirvana - half the man i used to be’ (the song was, in fact, ‘creep’ by stone temple pilots) and it’s <3 her music taste <3 click here for it <3

the above said, dresses like she’s in seattle in the early 90s. 

her rumor is true btw she DID catfish david hasselhoff and she will proudly tell u. it’s her best accomplishment.

completely stopped talking to her parents and got cut-off a while back ago so now she’s livin like the Prols

which is how a rich kid one of my profs once advised referred to his classmates.... hilarity ensues.

the above in mind, her parents say she’s testing the waters as a ‘normal person’ to save face. they can’t have anyone knowing their family isn’t perfect <3

she has a pet turtle whom she named “dr. turtle,” although he’s constantly referred to as “doc” or “the doc.” he has his own youtube channel and tiktok account.

she has a wall full of evidence that courtney love did not kill kurt cobain... it makes sense, believe me.

became a vegetarian...... partially because it was different from her original life and a way to control something, partially because this commercial made her feel SO BAD.

literally her default mode is stoned like... a totally sober alice is rarer than a nessie sighting

when she was 18, before she could ‘hold her liquor’ as well as she can now, she got a lil too drunk and now has a portrait tattoo of courtney love on her forearm. but it was done well at least!!

kind of ironic considering her career, but RARELY posts on any social media site except twitter. after the media circus in 2014 and All Eyes On Her, she’s just..... so tired...... of ppl seeing her face and being like ‘omg ur that wine cellar bitch!’

(drugs tw) has become more and more Addicted to playing around with fate. j chill on a ledge, talkin to some pals, but deciding it’s a good idea to swing her legs on the wrong side of ledge? totally! mixing a lot of alcohol with opioids which she is not accustomed to? DEF!! (end tw)

more to come!!

CONNECTION IDEAS:

i have two (2) queued up!! but while we wait for them to post, i’ll just… link them over here: 1, 2

muse u <3 the other half of her subplot from the main <3

her older sister!

her younger sibling!

some of the basics!! you know: close pal, roommate, drug buddies (but she gotta hit them up), fwb, ons, frenemies, enemy

ppl who recognize her from the 2014 luke johnson articles and have either brought it up or,,,,,,, act Awkward™

cld be fun 2 just have like. a jam bud. someone who plays any instrument and they j. jam sometimes.

ppl she sells. some of her medical marijuana to. bc yk what weed may be legal in nyc now but,,,, she’s still found a way to be broke she will accept anything. and also it just became legalized THIS YEAR so!!

i have a budding wc page @ https://escxpiism.tumblr.com/wcs (and when i say budding, i MEAN budding) so feel free 2 check it out!!

more to come!!