#i was chill when i heard it was out
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its here
#knox rambles#SO I'M GONNA DISSAPEAR INTO THE VOID UNTIL THE ENGLISH EPISODES COME OUT AGAIN#I'M ALREADY ON SEMI-HIATUS#HECK IT#Monkie Kid Season 4#I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS I JUST FINALLY CHILLED OUT AND NOW THISBGSD;LKFMAWE#I WAS LITERALLY THINKING ABOUT COMING OUT OF HIATUS BUT WELP#MIGHT AS WELL STAY HERE CAN'T INTERACT WITH SPOILERS ANYWAY AND THAT'S ALL PEOPLE WILL BE POSTING SO o7 GODSPEED GENTS#i was chill when i heard it was out#then i watched the new intro and THE CHILL IS GONE#I'M FERAL#I'M INSANE I'M GOING BONKERS#THE MONKEY
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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i know i am so late to the party but someone pointed out that it’s canon that the mayor reads out the names of previous victors before each reaping and i just can’t stop thinking about that. like i really love the idea (in a tragic way) of everyone knowing lucy gray’s name without the story attached, especially since we know her art ended up having such a big impact on the country without a lot of ppl in the original trilogy even knowing it
#sorry i know this has prob been discussed to death before#but i was not on tumblr + back in the fandom until after ballad came out#like i know snow said he wanted to erase lucy gray + gaul hated how the tenth games turned out#but to me it would be even more suspicious that they’d just be like “lucy gray? never heard of her…”#meanwhile ppl in the capitol are like “what the fuck are u talking abt? we literally all met her”#and then keeping at least her name alive in the districts was prob just chill#bc even if they are ppl in the trilogy who are old enough to remember her they don’t know anything abt her games played out#since they didn’t have to watch it#ok rant over#lucy gray baird#edit i’m reading this back and i’m sorry i sound like a ten year old with a monocle rn#but i had forgotten abt that detail in the trilogy so now im just thinking abt katniss hearing lucy grays name every year#and that just being something that doesn’t evoke any emotion#even tho lucy gray was the ceo of evoking emotion when she was present in the narrative
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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#billy hargrove#damn right i am#this has to be the funniest phrase i’ve heard#me when im heterophobic because i hc billy as a gay man#‘billy would be offended over people calling him gay’#he isn’t going to fuck you chill out !!#also like#it’s giving ‘i don’t like gay people’#🫣#like you can’t be using the word biphobic to help your case and then say he can’t be anything but straight be serious
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I'm not forgiving the sonic movie for knuckles never using sonic and tails' names why does he talk like that
#he's a guy who grew up in a tribe with some particular hierarchy and stuff i get it but he's also been out in the world for like 11 years#ngl kinda sounds like he's stupid which i DONT WANT#it doesn't sound like knuckles at all have you heard him in the games the way he talks is pretty chill#when he calls sonic just Hedgehog ALL THE TIME nad the same with Tails... JUST LET HIM TALK NORMALLYYYY#and people write him like that even when it isn't a movie fic#TOT
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I am not built to live alone. I’m alone at my house today bc my parents have been away all weekend and my sisters at work and I am soooo paranoid 😵💫.
every creak has me thinking there’s someone in the house. I’m doing the laundry so every so often I’m like… who’s there. Earlier a bag was rustling bc the fan was on in our guest room and it had me so freaked it was insane.
#mylife#Like I have something wrong with me today bc I actually was so convinced (even tho ik there wasn’t anyone) that I went to my room and -#-locked the door for 6 minutes to make sure no one came after me 💀. After that I went to the room in question turned on the light then-#-openeed the closet shined a light in there checked behind the door checked the light if the neighboring bathroom-#-checked behind the curtain and door before chilling out 💀💀💀#It’s like when last year I was at that apartment I was convinced someone would come every time I heard a slight move 💀💀💀#It’s giving paranoia#If I experience any of this again when I restart therapy I’ll prolly mention it 💀💀💀 bc it was illogical
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not me lying wide awake at 5:30am on a sunday on my day off bc after almost a full year I finally FINALLY realized the implication of the end of remember them from the cyclops saga
#that song has one of the most powerful ending crescendo sequences ive heard in maybe all of musical theater#so it. always felt incomplete after ALL that buildup during the I AM THE INFAMOOOUS#only to just drop to SILENCE. no music. no fanfare. just ODYSSEUS!#he doesnt even really sing it he just sort of... shouts it#and then its followed by the faintest sound of ocean waves#its poseidon. listening. THATS why athena said DONT#poseidon heard that declaration and came back to get him later#😬#i just looked up the lyrics for ruthlessness too and poseidon basically spells it out 😂#ive only listened to that song once or twice tho and i guess i wasnt too focused on the words#anyway i relistened to the songs on friday and theyve been rotating in my mind like a 7/11 hotdog#the whole cyclops saga especially is just.... so so good#they truly dont make music about bashing peoples heads in like they used to#the first 3 songs of the saga especially... oof#how they blend one into the other back to back and end up making like a 10 minute narration of events#the whole thing is so bone chilling#it gets my heartrate up lol#PLUS the theme of pain and vengeance bring more pain#EVERY time polyphemus says 'what gives you a right to deal a pain so deep'#and when odysseus says 'what good would killing do when mercy is a skill more of the world could learn to use'#rocking back and forth sobbing crying#remember them the next time that you DARE choose not to spare! remember them... remember us... remember me!#cant wait for everyone to turn their back on this musical in 5 yrs#like they did with hamilto.n#hamilto.n never stopped being good actually#yall are just embarrassed about being weird fanatics over people who rly existed
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Really not understanding the people being mean to Yong Yea and saying he'll never be Kuroda like. Yeah that's literally why Kuroda is also still voicing Kiryu?? They haven't gotten rid of Kuroda, they've just found a new English va for Kiryu since the games are having English dubs now??? They haven't even officially recorded anything leave the guy alone.
#Like I will still be sticking to JP#just becuase I am too deep into the series to change to english at this point#I genuinely prefer the og voice actors and in the case of judgment/LJ i genuinely disliked those dubs terribly lmao#But this guy hasnt even officially recorded anything yet so being mean when hes been so fuckin sweet and happy is just ????#like god at least wait for the game to be out#AND MY MAIN POINT?? KURODA IS STILL KIRYU SO JUST PLAY IN JP LIKE#im not understanding#his enthusiasm has won me over im happy such an excited person is voicing kiryu#but imma still stick with the jp like you dont have to pick between kuroda and him 😂#anyway yes one of my moots ? i put a question mark bc they are on probation now#quote tweeted him and was weird and rude as hell and it just irked me#same with people shit talking the new series like babe we havent even seen a still of the show yet#you cant say its dogshit when we have seen and heard almost nothing#maybe im just chilling out in my old age but relentless negativity based on nothing just seems so tired#tldr if you dont like the dub thats understandable and chill but dont be mean to a guy who has barely even started his time yet
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Boarding my plane and saw a guy who looked fucking EXACTLY like jerma it scared me. I stared at him for a solid ten seconds. Every time I looked at him afterwards, he was already looking in my direction. I’ve never been more frightened in my life
#pretty sure it’s not him I heard his voice when he got his ticket checked#but still. the fear of meeting jerma irl lives within me#sitting next to jerma on a plane oh my god. i would try so hard to be normal.#like holy shit . I’d just say I like your streams I think you’re really funny. MAYBE ask for a picture#but for the next 8 hours it’s like………….. just looking out the window trying so hard to be chill#on the upside it looks like I have a row to myself and a window seat yay me!!!
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im still kinda new to tennisblr and kind of intimidated by you but I think you're cool as fuck. your username slaps and everything you post is always on point. anyway, have a good night!
aw anon you're so kind! i understand being intimidated at first, it's the same for me usually, but just letting you know if you ever want to shoot me an ask, a dm, reply to my posts, tag me, anything, i really am totally chill with it. i am so not cool, like have you seen me have 1.5 breakdowns a day gjfvj that's nice of you to say tho but yeah, i'm chiller than i seem i guess and i'd like you to feel welcome here and not intimidated <3 have a good day or night!
#does this make sense i am struggling with everything this morning 🥲#but yes! truly! anyone can talk to me. i truly don't care if we're not mutuals you can be my friend regardless??#i have great friends i'm not mutuals with simply bc i don't vibe with something about their /blog/ which has nothing to do with them as ppl#you know?#this is maybe a tangent but#it's just something i always get the urge to say but then don't bc i'm like no one even cares about you nico no need for all that#but since you said you're intimidated by me i just? i'm putting it out there that i love talking w ppl and i do *not*#care in the slightest if i've never even heard of you if we're not mutuals or any of that it all comes second to me to human interactions#idk if that grammar makes sense but anyway#if i haven't followed you back it doesn't mean i don't wanna talk to you basically.#the fair warning here is that sometimes i take a while to answer bc my mental health isn't great atm so messages can become overwhelming#for me in general no matter who they're from#but i will be happy you're talking to me and reply when i feel okay enough to#......... wow that was a lot now i'm again like who will even care gidvjbn#uh if anon or anyone does. here you go i'm chill i'm not cool i'm a scared cat trembling in a corner who will let u pet me if u approach me#asks
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Sunday driving with George Russell
(I was watching George’s onboard and he was basically all alone for 20 laps disassociating bored as hell- Lewis was 10 secs ahead so he had nothing to do)
#george russell#gr63#austrian gp 2023#he was so quiet man#the team didn’t tell him not to push that I heard- but he woulda killed his tired and not been able to overtake probably#so he was just out there#clocking laps#Lewis was fighting for his life when he’s usually chill#and mr chatter box was just disassociating
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Had a creamy corn Chinese popsicle and it was good.
Both mung beans and adzuki beans in flavor remind me of navy beans (southern baked bean type of bean)
I wonder if you can cook mung or adzuki beans with hotdogs.
Or cold southern baked beans in a boba drink.
#food#my posts that I made#i should experiment one day.. can get canned adzuki beans and make cowboy beans with it#i think the southern baked beans would need to be cooked with maple and chilled.. perhaps#asian and latin american sweet snacks have such interesting tastes#i'll be eating something sweet and be like : damn i wish this had chile in it or some umami brought by beans#my eating pallet is eccentric i feel. as a kid i'd eat pickled peperonchinis out of the jar with my hand#when i heard that stinky tofu was similar to blue cheese i immediately tried it and fell in love. i love u cooked mold#black licorice GOOD anchovies on pizza GOOD#WE COULD HAVE SWEET POTATO ICE CREAM. SWEET BEET ICE CREAM . HONEY CARROT ICE CREAM BY NOW. americans are cowards
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my toxic trait is that i have a quiet but persistent “i-was-there-before-it-was-cool” complex. it’s that nasty little voice in my head that goes “yeah but i liked it first” and it’s not nice to bring up but secretly… it’s so vindicating, isn’t it?
anyways put your “i liked it first” brag in the tags
#originally had my brags in the original post but i’m moving them to be less insufferable#i started watching dimension 20 shortly after fantasy high came out#i heard of renee rap from the jimmy awards#btw her version of i don’t need a roof from big fish KILLS ME. SOBBING#i was watching starkid back in high school#i knew steph hsu from be more chill (which is not a brag) and from a surrealist gay musical called War Lesbian (which is)#gonna be this way abt transplanar rpg too#also when my high school did the ayli musical the year after i left and i was like I WAS OBSESSED WITH THAT TWO YEARS AGO NOT FAIR
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my recording of the mohg fight, very glad to say that his fight is extremely fun :)
#ohhh this took ages to finally work in this post lol. anyways mohg fight. ridiculously fun.#elden ring#mohg#mohg lord of blood#yeah ill put this in main tags. full mohg fight. for the mohg enjoyers ig i really liked this fight#lots of like. particles being flung around but it never felt like bullshit so it was a fun while to fight him#my post#the 'jump for joy' in the phase change was planned while the 'my thanks' at the end wasnt which is why i do pull up the menu for that one#i left him alone for the nihil as a self-imposed 'gay penalty' bc i didnt want to just like. shred him during it yknow#he can have his theatrics for his healing and phase transition. a bit of respect with the 'my thanks' yknow i like him + the dynasty bit#hes got a funny little buddy in varre and a nice little grinding spot among all the blood soaked atrocities#ive heard ansbach is neat too. n ive been using bloody slash since the moment i got it so in a way ive been chilling with lord of blood#related stuff for a p long time. tbh its neat how varre is the first proper person you meet while mohg is arguably the most hidden demigod#dont think i have any bonus commentary with this one besides i got rlly fucking lucky later in this. yknow the bit lmao#always through him being extra vulnerable to bleed was funny but he apparently gets the lord of blood's exultation buff on bleed procs#so thats a rlly neat thing i found out- i ended up using that talisman for the fight (you can see it under the stamina bar a few times)#it is funny to me that his in-battle dialogue subtitles are all lowercase and lack punctuation beyond accent markings#anyways beyond the final boss the only boss i have left is malenia which should be. fucking fun. i'll get vids of that one for sure#i might get my first attempt at her bc that might be a fun comparison point when i manage to beat her#'my recording of the mohg fight' feels very like. professional. i just got it captured on ps4. it was a random attempt that was successful
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Okay, I know it's Halloween soon, but WHY DID THE GODDAMN HANDHELD VACUUM IN THE KITCHEN TURN ON BY ITSELF?????
#s/o and I were just chilling in our room when we heard it turn on out of nowhere#when I went to the kitchen to check it it was still on and I saw the green light on it too#I genuinely have no logical explanation for this#but yeah thanks vacuum cleaner I'm gonna have a restless night wondering what kind of demons are lurking in our apartment now#Vani's personal
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